#almost 7 years later i still get very emotional abt him

[the-composer]

listening to joshua's playlist aches of years of joshua's story through the human-to-go pipeline. it was not easy for him. he had to take his life to get there, and he did it 1. so he could become composer and 2. to escape his deplorable human life. he believed there's a better place for him on the other side, and indeed there was, but since it wasn't complete apotheosis his emotional baggage, his neuroses, disorders, all of it transferred over. he was essentially a demigod so existence elevated but it wasn't a clean slate. yoshiya was still an imprinted part of joshua. that made the transition profoundly difficult and messy, and all the things he hated about himself as a human ran rampant without any consequence. the human and deity were at war for ages, and his battiness was exacerbated by isolation and omniscience. he recognizes his privilege as composer and embraces his purpose; he's good at it. he will be the best composer shibuya's ever had. but there's so much he's yet to cope with. and self-loathing to reconcile, that puts his psyche under massive strain. he needs to be in control; he's the heart of the city. he should be able to let go like he did at the top of 104. he'd wished (and asked) for erasure more times than he can count, which now in retrospect mortifies him. he didn't know any other way to navigate his overwhelming feelings. it's like being forced to grow up too fast. the ground he stood on was malnourished and riddled with holes. every step he took might put his foot through the earth. he needed to decide what to do with it: let it degrade or try to restore it.

cue the long game — joshua selected someone to play for him, a proxy, to gamble the fate of the city he fell out of touch with. he chose someone who reflected him, who he felt was just like him. whether or not joshua realized the depth of it, neku represented shibuya's stagnancy and rot. to joshua's surprise, however, neku exhibited positive change within the game, being inspired rather than disillusioned by his experiences, even by joshua himself.

neku inadvertently helped joshua see shibuya through fresh eyes, and when neku had the chance to `win' the game, which dictated he shoot the composer to take his place, he refused.

neku's evolution bucked the odds. if one person who was almost as checked out of the world as yoshiya was could make a total 180, then there was hope for more like them. people can change. it's such a simple lesson that joshua never would have believed until he'd seen it tested and proven in one of the most challenging cases. neku's influence seeped into the soil, and over time replenished the decrepit ground. and in that period, joshua healed many holes within himself. things were on the mend. joshua was able to comprehend the notion of healthy relationships and feel that he was worthy of having them.

but he's still a composer, and a composer's life is a lonely one by design.

enter the next arc of the bored god —

[soft-serve-soymilk]

Fictional Idiots that have made me cry (2023 update)

In light of recent events I have felt the BURNING need to make this post. There’s not really much else to it I just love talking abt my blorbos and why I love them~ So here we go :3

1. Investigation Team

I finished the game for the first time at like 6:50 am in the morning so I was sobbing into my cereal lmao. First time I ever cried for a video game 🥲 (I still consider Inaba as almost a second home)

Also Naoto’s loneliness still ruins me 10 years later, they really set the precedent for my future blorbos <3. @hungrydolphin91 you have to tell me whether you like the game version or the anime version better when you get to it because I’m dying to know :3. Like the anime gives me the sweet expressions but I can quote the game line for line asjgksdk

2. Lyon Fire Emblem

Poor Lyon was just the perfect recipe for emotional devastation. Again with the friendless blorbos, except this time you pair it with heart wrenching decision-making that really could’ve been averted if therapy was a thing that existed in the FE universe 😭. Also vigarde is a terrible dad I would very much like to slap him in the face >:(

3. Sormik, but especially Meebo

At least 7 times. Seven. I played this one while depressed so Tales of Zestiria is {Pav’s tears georg} adn hence is an outlier and should be significantly reduced in counting

THE EPILOGUE KILLS ME

THEY WERE TOO SWEET THEY DIDN’T DESERVE ANYTHING

WHY CAN’T THEY GET MARRIED (like me and—-)

4. Noah and Mio

I still refuse to believe this one counts but hey Xenoblade writing is good. And I’m just as much a sap as Sorey is :’)

5. These fucking idiots (Yato and Yukine)

AKA why I HAD to make this post because what I’ve seen of the manga’s recent developments after finishing Noragami and reading synopses of the following arcs I AM DEVASTATED and RUINED and I HAD TO SOB INTO MY PILLOW :(

I love Yukine so much he reminds me of my oc Inigo more so than any store-bought blorbo* so to see him thrive and suffer and take on an ayakashi/phantom form it’s like seeing that done to my own kid except I’m not the one willingly inflicting it.

And his and Yato’s relationship means so much to me like yes they will hurt each other because they’re very lonely and have their own grief to work through but they just come back to each other again and again in the ultimate display of love and trust and compassion 😭. They care so much for each other, I’m never going to be ok 🥹

Edit: *Technically Lyon wins for most similar blorbo, but it’s a bit like a culture in a Petri dish. I took a fragment of his identity and nurtured it into my beloved Archie. I found Yukine in the wild..

[yelenasdog]

moving out, moving on (mitch rapp x fem reader)

genre: fluff

summary: mitch and reader are taking another step towards mitch moving on, and it’s bittersweet.

words: 2.2k

warnings: drinking wine, kinda suggestive at times, talks abt katrina, mitch being emotional, my writing being melodramatic LOL

a/n: so. this was written during an all nighter that went to 7 am where i was listening to nicki minaj and eminem (???) for a good duration of it so. i’m very sorry if this is wonky at times! i hope u enjoy either way! mwah 

🥍🥍🥍

The early morning rays streamed through thin fabric, draped above the assassin's window. Dust particles floated about, becoming visible within the section of light cast from the sun. The birds perched outside the small apartment tweeted happily from their branch, their songs beautiful. 

Though, they were quite pesterous to the pair that lay together, wrapped in gray sheets. They reveled in the heat provided by the soft blanket, but even more so by the warmth from their joint bodies.

A mop of dark brown hair stirred, bringing one hand up to softly rub his eyes with his knuckle, the other hand snaking around the waist of the woman peacefully sleeping beside him. He watched with fond eyes as she lightly groaned, rolling to face away from the invasion of bright, turning towards her love. 

Mitch smiled down at her sleepy behavior, reaching out and brushing stray hairs from her forehead. He reluctantly retracted it only moments later, forcing himself out of bed to go and prepare the two of them for their big day as best he knew how: Coffee.

His sock clad feet dragged across the hardwood as he went, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips and groggy-ness (a word Y/n had donned as her own, and Mitch had caught on to) still very prevalent in his entire system. 

The Rhode Island air was frigid this time of year, Mitch allowing a grin to break out on his face upon remembrance of two nights previous, just how cold Y/n had been in the arena of the Providence Bruins hockey team. Nose pink, donned in a beanie proudly showing the team's logo, well, he had found himself a new lockscreen.

He shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of said groggy-ness, his body on autopilot as it made the beverages. He picked out her favorite mug from the cupboard (AKA a souvenir from Dubai he had picked up long ago) that she had adopted as her own, drinking out of it every time she would spend the night, almost like clockwork. He waited for his coffee beans to brew, scratching his stubble along his jaw. He flinched, though, when he felt two arms wrap around his middle. He quickly relaxed into the embrace upon realization of who the supposed assailant was, her head finding its way to rest on his bare shoulder.

“You scared me, there.” Mitch muttered, his larger hand inching towards her’s on his waist. He closed his eyes in content and she hummed in acknowledgment. Mitch allowed her to turn his figure to face her, still residing in her arms, seeing a bright smile plastered across her face.

“Only for a minute though, right?”

She laughed to which he chuckled in response, nodding in false surrender. “You’ve got me there, Y/n/n.” He mused, his eyes lighting up at the sound of the coffee machine beeping. He looked back to her, shrugging.

“I made you coffee, was gonna bring it to you in bed but, y’know.” He gestured to where she had now climbed up to sit on top of his counter, his sweatshirt around her that read “Brown University” across the front in large lettering pooling around her thighs.

“It’s alright, I need to get a move on anyway.” She smiled, hopping down to retrieve the mug, taking the warm ceramic from Mitch’s hands and sighing at the wondrous feeling that had spread through her whole body. She lifted it to her lips and drank, not surprised that her boyfriend had made it just the way she liked, to perfection. 

“Thank you, baby.” She commented, reaching up to plant a chaste kiss on his lips. Her lip curled as she pulled away, Mitch already knowing what she was going to say, a laugh bubbling up in his throat.

“Mitch! Go brush your teeth, for the love of God!” She whined, watching as he scampered off towards the bathroom, snickering all the way. She rolled her eyes, downing the rest of her beverage before following where Mitch had gone.

Once in the bathroom after rinsing her and Mitch’s mugs, she tied her hair up, undressing and turning on the water (practically scalding hot, of course). Mitch had no objections to the temperature, though, seeing as it was his last time showering with her in that apartment, and in that apartment, period. 

The whole thing felt very symbolic to Y/n, at least, seeing it as washing themselves clean for the next phase of their lives together, a sort of preparation. (Maybe not so much for Mitch, who really was just pleased for any excuse to see his girlfriend naked.)

They used generous amounts of soap, as not only were most of them nearly empty (in fact, a few were and if it weren’t for Y/n, they probably all would be), but also that they had decided to simply just buy new toiletries as a whole for their new place.

They giggled at the sight of each other, all lathered in bubbles and suds. Mitch reached a finger forward, wiping it from above her eyebrows and preventing it from falling into her eyes. Y/n brought her arms around his neck, her lips connecting with his. “Much better.” She regarded with a smirk, before leaning back in.

Nearly 40 minutes later, they both emerged from the shower, fresh faced and ready for the day ahead. He didn’t have a lot that needed to be packed up, given that his place came fully furnished, so it took all but 2 hours and 5 boxes to pack up Mitch Rapp’s life. It honestly might have taken even longer than originally would have been needed, as Y/n would stop every time she found something interesting, allowing Mitch to tell her all about whatever stories had been connected to the item.

It had started with the ridiculous bird lamp that sat on his bedside table, once belonging to Mr. Nazir, and ended with his lacrosse stick. (And, a promise that one day, he’d show her how to play. He swore he’d never seen her smile that big.)

They also threw away and donated a lot, some of Kat’s old stuff bringing a pained smile to his face as he would place it in a box simply labeled “Kat” in messy, thick letters. He wasn’t sure if the box would end up in his new closet, covered in dust and unopened, or back with her family. But either way, he wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to her completely, which Y/n was able to understand.

“Mitch? Did you pack away your coats already?” Y/n called out, opening up the closet near the front door. Her breath slightly hitched in her throat upon seeing all of the photos of Mansur, still pasted to the painted wood, the edges curling up. 

“Nah, not yet, I was gonna handle that while you worked on the cupboards” He responded, busying himself with a text from Irene on his phone wishing him good luck. He looked up and saw what she had been asking about, his phone quickly sliding into his pocket as he made his way over to where she stood, visibly distressed. 

“How long have these been here?” She questioned, feeling Mitch’s arms wrap around her shoulders. She brought her hands up to grasp onto his wrists, leaning backwards into him and biting into her lip.

“Since the beach, when I decided to go after Mansur. When everything happened with the CIA, it was kind of a whirlwind, I didn’t really have enough time to even think about taking it down when I was only even here for hours at a time.” He lightly chuckled, watching as she stepped forward and began to take the pictures down, crumbling them up in her hands. 

She ran her fingertips over the indents left in the door, feeling the splinters against them. She turned back to Mitch, quipping how “Mr. Nazir won’t be too pleased about that.” 

He smiled, joining her in taking all of the images down, ripping them or balling them up in his fists. All of them ended up in one of the old Target bags they had been using for trash, filling up an entire bag (minus a few Dunkin cups sitting at the bottom).

Mitch trailed a few tender kisses down the left side of her next, and though it sounds cheesy, a feeling of hopefulness flooded himself out of most of the bitterness that had been stuck inside for so long. 

She turned her head to catch his lips with her own, and smiled into the kiss, her hand finding the back of his head. She lightly tugged on the chocolate colored strands and he groaned in content, to which her grin only widened. She pulled back, ruffling the top of his head before beginning to pack away the remnants of what was left in the closet. He rolled his eyes, following suit.

They had piled all of the boxes into the back of Mitch’s old decommissioned CIA vehicle (which was obvious that is was such, given that the side was littered with bullet holes and metallic scratches), returned the key to Mr. Nazir (who was glad to see Mitch go), and with that, they were off.

The new place wasn’t too far away, the pair taking a page out of Stan’s book and opting for a wonderful sense of privacy. It was nestled in a rural corner of Massachusetts, where Mitch would be able to come home to a sense of serenity. Y/n had already moved in her possessions, Mitch’s items being the last step. They’d also furnished the cozy cabin, trips to IKEA and Urban Outfitters (along with several other over-priced boutiques) making the place feel like a perfect fit for the couple.

Mitch’s strange and varied knick knacks made the house feel like a home, his lacrosse stick finding a new home by the front door, right under a hanging potted plant that Y/n and Mitch had decided to affectionately name “Charles” after a drunken night watching the X-Men movies. The house was littered in plants such as Charles, in fact, with Mitch’s first response to seeing all of them being “Wow, looks like a greenhouse in here.”

(Still, he’d grown to love the plant babies. Trust me.)

Two tired smiles made their ways to their faces as they both sat on their new sofa, admiring a job well done. Though several boxes still lay on the hardwood, unopened, they felt accomplished enough to pull out a bottle of wine that they had been saving for the occasion. It was an early housewarming gift from Stan, to which they were unprepared to take advantage of, it seemed.

“Baby, did we unpack the wine glasses earlier?” Mitch questioned, his mind slightly foggy of the day's events and early start.

“No, I think they’re still packed up.” She replied, to which Mitch’s eyes lit up, an idea forming and an imaginary lightbulb popping up over his head. He got up from his seat, a wide smile spreading across his face. Her expression mirrored his own, with an added quirked brow at his antics.

“I’ve got a solution, wait here.” Mitch responded, padding over to where he had remembered the new home of the mugs to be. Upon realization of what he was doing, Y/n smiled, rolling her eyes and bringing a hand up to run through her roots.

He shuffled back over moments later, his girlfriend recognizing one of the mugs in his hands as her favorite. He sat down next to her, with the bare skin of her thighs touching his own, jean clad. He bumped his knee to hers with a giggle, pouring out the Pinot Grigio into the mugs. 

She gratefully accepted it as it was handed to her, smiling as she took a sip. Mitch did the same, the two of them leaning back into the soft sofa. Y/n brought her legs up, cuddling into his side and absorbing his warmth. He brought his free hand to her side, a strong hold giving them both a strong sense of comfort as she lay her head on his shoulder.

The box labeled “Kat” remained unpacked along with the others on the floor, dust already beginning to gather. Mitch had come across it a few times that day, each time more thoughtful than the last as he struggled to decide what it was exactly he was feeling towards the objects; or perhaps towards the memory of Katrina.

He had come to realize that it was acceptance he felt, deep in his stomach, settling down. It had been brought upon him in totality over time, today’s events being the final step. A soft smile spread across Mitch’s face, a single tear falling from his eye. Y/n looked up, eyebrows furrowed with worry.

“Mitch, are you alright?”

He leaned down, connecting their lips in a watery yet nectarous kiss, his hand beginning to rub small circles on her shoulder. 

“Yeah, Y/n/n.” 

The fire they had built earlier was roaring, now, casting a warm glow across the pair’s features. The damp trail down his cheek was highlighted, nearly glistening on his skin like an amber. 

“I’m doin’ just fine.”

🥍🥍🥍

ok btw ik that wine in mugs would be a horrible idea but this is fiction so SHUSH

anyway i hope yall enjoyed! i love writing for mitch and i have lots of future fics for him, so if u liked this, please reblog and follow if ya wanna. mwah, go drink water and have some protein <333

 xx hj

[yourmidnightlover]

rock

Summary - spencer wants to figure out what's wrong with you, only to be reminded what day it is and he remembers why you've been so distant.

TW: talk abt: rape, recovery, therapy, case stuff; mention of: drug addiction, rape, miscarriage, being shot, death lol

WC - 4,283

!DISCLAIMER! - i am in no way trying to romanticize recovery from a traumatic event or being upset/depressed/anxious. this is kinda my way of getting through my own issues, so please don't think that's what i'm trying to do in any way. i also don’t know how i feel abt this ending since i wrote it so long ago but oh well!

i just realized there are a few spoilers so i'll put *asterisks* around them. those parts are just explaining how the reader's always there for the team.

----------------------------------

you had always been the rock in spencer's life.

mentally, at least.

when he had nobody there for him when he was going through his addiction with dilaudid, there you were. you helped him through it when everybody else on the team acted as if they never noticed.

you were the one that encouraged him to get help, and pushed him to follow through. you made sure he ate and talked to someone when he had his urges again, even if it wasn't you.

you let him come over and cry about what had happened, and how unfair his life was. you consoled him and would tell him how nothing was his fault. how he didn't deserve anything bad in his life.

*and when emily 'died', he went to your house every day. you held him as he felt himself falling apart from losing her. you didn't even worry about yourself needing to be consoled, because spencer needed you to be there for him.

*when she came back you were the one to convince him to forgive her. you talked sense into him. you reminded him how much he pleaded to have her back, and then he did. so he managed to forgive her... because of you and your logic.

*and you weren't just there for spencer. while, yes, you made a special effort to be there for him, you were there for everyone on the team.

*when derek was arrested back in chicago and the team found out about his past, you were the one he leaned on for comfort. you and penelope. you let him cry on your shoulder and yell at you about how twisted a man would have to be to do something so cruel to a child.

*when jj was kidnapped and beaten to a miscarriage, you were the first she told. you didn't say anything. you knew there was nothing you could say that would relinquish the pain of losing a child. so you let her cry. you let her hug you for what felt like hours. you let her grief her unborn baby for as long as she needed.

*when penelope was shot, nobody cared to check up on her after the fact except you. you went to her apartment for weeks just to make sure she was okay. eventually, she was able to let loose all of her frustrations on you, and you took it like a champ. she ranted about how she just wanted to be loved by someone attractive and how unfair and cruel the world is, in spite of how much good she tries to bring into it.

*when hotch lost hailey, you took care of his files. you offered to watch henry and let hotch cry to you about losing her a few times once you broke past his tough exterior. you even cried with him and jack. you made them dinner whenever you could, and helped him look for good nannies to help care for jack.

*when rossi lost carolyn, you went to her grave with him on many occasions. you brought him his favorite scotch, which was very pricey, and his favorite cigars, also very pricey, and tried your best to recreate 'the rossi special' upon his directions. it helped him feel in control of something when he needed it.

*and when emily came back from the dead, you helped walk her through her own grief. she lost herself, and buried her emotions. you helped her dig up her old self, and grow into an even better woman. you even took care of her cat when penelope couldn't manage. you helped emily grieve her own death when she wanted to deny it ever happened, and she was forever grateful for you.*

you had become like the team's built-in therapist when something bad happened, and you loved it that way. you loved being the one the team went to when they needed it. it made you feel as though you had a purpose, which was something you desperately needed.

but when you went through your own trauma almost a year ago, you refused help from anyone. you knew you should've asked someone for help, or at least someone to cry or talk to when you needed to.

the team had been working on a case for longer than expected, 8 days now, and everyone was really frustrated. you had released the profile 7 days ago, and there was still no new information. it was as if the unsub had gone dormant, and you all couldn't bear that thought.

when the team released earlier than normal from the precinct and you all went to the hotel you had been staying at, you decided to get a drink from the bar quickly. you went alone, wanting to review a few of the case files during the process and not needing a distraction.

you ordered a jack and coke, and opened the case files to begin rereading them, seeing if you had missed anything.

victims were kept for 24 hours, filmed, raped, restrained, cut in pieces, and thrown in the trash like garbage. it was absolutely disgusting, and the worst you had seen in a while. the victims were low-risk and most of them had a place of authority.

the unsub had been profiled to be someone who was bossed around by a woman, narcissistic and egotistical, wanted to feel more power and authority.

the problem is, that profile was most people living in the area. even penelope couldn't dwindle down the suspects.

and alas, you had missed nothing. nothing new appeared or caught your eye. you gulped down the rest of your drink and paid for it before packing up your things to head upstairs. you tossed the file back into your bag and began the trek to the elevator.

you were interrupted by something hitting the top of your head, rendering you unconscious.

the team had woken up, and after waiting around for half an hour, spencer realized something was wrong. he had morgan bust into your room, only to find the bed unslept in. you were missing. and the worst part... you fit the unsubs type.

spencer felt his heart drop at the realization he had taken you. and it seemed as though there was no trail as to where you had gone. penelope checked the cameras, only to find that they were hacked right after you left the bar, and then they resumed after you were taken.

at least they had a time frame.

later that day, after everyone hasting to figure something, anything out, spencer had gotten an email. he opened it and expected it to be relentless spam, only to realize it was a live feed video. a video of you. he instantly called penelope in hopes that she could trace it.

she said she could, but it would take some time because the amount of routers it had been going through.

while they were waiting, you noticed you were alone. you knew who the unsub was too, thanks to his baffling stupidity and narcissism that lead him to believe he wouldn't get caught.

"officer johnson! it's officer johnson!" you looked around the camera for a second, noticing something moving. "he-he here," you cried out. "i love you," you said to the camera to nobody in particular, but someone in mind.

you were terrified. spencer could see it in your eyes. he could see the tears you tried not to shed. you didn't want to please him, but you couldn't help but feel the absolute horror and fear coursing through your body at a relentless pace.

"hi there, missus fbi," he teased, finally walking into the frame with a ski mask over his face, clearly not aware that we knew his identity.

spencer told garcia who he was, and she began her digging. officer johnson's great grandparents had owned a farm that was since then refurbished. it was an hour away.

officer johnson had known that you two had chemistry. that's why he sent the email to spencer. he saw the longing glares, the 'innocent' touches, the smiles you would give each other, the longing looks you shared. he wanted to torment him.

so when he began undressing you and you turned your face away from the camera in hopes of sparing some of your own dignity, spencer felt his heart breaking for you. it broke even more when he heard the yelps, and screams, and please, and "no!'s" you elicited during the act.

they caught him before he cut you, but not before he finished the first part of his plan. your skirt was ripped, and your shirt was practically in two pieces. spencer had given you his jacket to cover yourself as much as you could.

you stayed silent the ride back. you didn't even let spencer hold you like you normally would after a tough case. you were ashamed. embarrassed. you felt worthless. you felt pathetic. you felt stupid. you felt helpless. you felt like you were drowning. you felt like you were without a life raft.

you knew you could talk to the team about it, but you felt so disgusted by the thought of what happened to you that you only talked about it in your therapy sessions.

hotch had given you two months off. he wanted you to grieve, and go to therapy, and try to cope with everything that had happened.

and you did try to do that. you tried your hardest to get over it and move past it, but nothing helped. not the journaling. not the talking. not the crying. nothing was working.

spencer gave you a little space at first, but he then decided to try to help you as you had helped him. he went over to your house almost every day, and sat outside your door after you wouldn't let him in.

you knew he was there... you sat on the other side.

"i-i know that you probably don't want to see anyone right now. and i'm uh, i'm sure you feel alone right now, or like you can't talk to anyone," spencer sniffled. "but pl-please just uhm, just know that i'm here when you want to talk about it. i'm here to listen to you when you need me to. i-i don't want you to be alone during this time, y/n. please, just let me in," he begged.

that was normally what he would say almost every night he went to your house. he would sit outside for hours after he would ask you to let him in without fail. until one day you let him in.

spencer felt so much relief when you opened the door, only for it to be smashed when he noticed your eyes looked red and puffy, your cheeks were stained with the tears you had been crying for so long. your cheeks were sunken in, and there were dark circles underneath your eyes that were once full of life and happiness. your eyes no longer had that gorgeous sparkle in them.

spencer vowed he would get them back.

as much as spencer wanted to wrap his arms around you in that moment, to comfort you and tell you that he was there, he wanted you to make the first move. he wanted to tell you how strong you were and how proud of you he was for getting through that. he wanted to tell you how much he loved you.

he wanted you to make the first touch, because he didn't want to further upset you. he didn't want to trigger a repressed memory, or bring back the feelings of what had happened.

but spencer's touch was nothing like the officer's. spencer's touch was soft and gentle. spencer's touch was feather-light and endearing. spencer's touch was love and home. the officer's was brittle, and rough, and repulsive.

"hug me?" you sniffled as your eyes welled with tears again as they had been for the past three weeks.

"of course," spencer slowly wrapped his arms around your shoulders as yours found his torso.

he walked inside with you still in his arms and slowly shut the door. without breaking from the hug, you both walked to the couch and sat down.

you didn't say anything. you just needed spencer to keep hugging you, so he did. he did whatever you wanted, needed, from him. eventually, you fell asleep in his embrace on the couch.

when spencer looked down at you, now sleeping against his chest, he couldn't bring his heart to remove himself from you. so like any whipped man would do, he carefully picked you up bridal styled and carried you to your room. he took his shoes off as well as his sweater vest before cuddling back up next to you.

as if it was a reflex, you cuddled up into his chest when he neared you again and got underneath the covers. spencer slept the best he did in months with you. and you slept without officer johnson in your dreams for the first time since that day.

ever since then, spencer had been making sure you were eating and drinking. he took you to your therapy sessions and stayed over most nights you had asked and he was able to.

they had a few cases during the two months, so every moment he could, spencer was with you. he coaxed you back to your normal-ish self. he watched as that glimmer in your eye began to slowly grow brighter everyday. he watched as your smile came back, and your tears didn't come so frequently.

the first time he had heard you laugh again, spencer had thought he was dreaming. he wished he had recorded that moment. he was more grateful than he's ever been in his life that he had an eidetic memory, because that sound would forever be engraved in his brain.

when you returned to work, you clung to spencer. he had become your tether to reality, and hope. he had become your rock during the recovery.

over the months, everyone slowly began to forget what had even happened. things went on as usual, and the team forgot the traumatic experience you had gone through. even spencer might've let the experience get lost in his brain.

so when it became 11 months and 3 weeks since the abduction, you began to distance yourself once again.

you politely declined going out with the team a couple days before the anniversary, something you never did. you insisted that you were just especially worn out from the case you had just been on.

spencer had to finish files given to him by derek anyway, so he didn't get to witness the encounter.

once the day of the anniversary came upon you, you found yourself feeling sick to your stomach. you couldn't help the tears that would fall from your face every so often. you knew why you felt this way, but you wanted to push past it.

you had gone into the office wearing a pantsuit and blazer, wanting to avoid the normal office skirt you happened to be wearing the day it happened. you stayed at your desk and quietly did your case files. you didn't even greet spencer as you would every day. you gave him a kind smile, but you would normally give him a hug, or at the very least an eager wave upon his arrival.

spencer just assumed it was one of those days where you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. it wasn't spencer's fault he thought this. he didn't even look at his calendar to check what day it was. he just knew they had paperwork.

but he did have this day marked in his calendar. he had it marked so he would remember to be extra kind to you, and do your files for you, and come to your place with your favorite wine and takeout. he wanted to help you through the one year anniversary, but he forgot to check his stupid calendar.

you thought he didn't care. you thought the man who you loved, and the man who helped you through everything that had happened had had enough of your complaining and grievances. so, you didn't tell him about it. you didn't bother him with the terrible thoughts clouding your mind because you thought it'd burden him.

so when you finished all of your case files early, you asked hotch if you could leave early, at 2:00, because you had things to tend to. he allowed you to do so, but this rose a flag for spencer.

he saw you exit without saying goodbye to him, something you hadn't done the entirety of knowing him. you had always told everyone to have a nice night and to be safe before leaving, but not today.

finally, he looked at his phone for the first time all day, only to feel like the worst person in the world to realize what day it was. spencer felt absolutely horrible at this revelation and ran into hotch's office as quick as he could after packing his things.

"hotch!" he exclaimed upon opening his office door.

"go. she was practically in tears," hotch informed him. "and reid," spencer stopped in his tracks to turn and look at the stern man, "please make sure she's okay." spencer gave him a soft grin and a nod before turning around and bolting out of the office.

you had gotten home and immediately burst into tears. you shut the door with your back, and slid down it. you had never understood why people had done that in movies until now. you just couldn't wait to break any longer, so you settled for your front door.

you held back no wail, or scream as you cried in front of your door, your knees pulled up to your chest as you held them tightly.

you wondered why you had to go through that. you wanted to know what kind of karma there was for someone who had always tried to do the right thing to be hurt... and for nobody to even care. nobody wanted to console you, or to make sure you were alright.

you had checked up on everyone on every anniversary of their struggles. whether it be a death, abduction, anything, you had been there for every single anniversary or reminder. and nobody was there for you.

nobody was there for you to hug, or to lean on, or to cry to, or to scream at, or to rant to. nobody was there. nobody loved you enough to care about that.

but then you had to remind yourself that they all had lives.

but the person who is your life didn't even care.

spencer didn't care.

and that's why you truly lost it.

he acted like it was just another day. he acted like it wasn't the anniversary of the day you thought you were going to die. the day you wanted to die. the day you felt your most low, and humiliated. the day you lost all hope. and he didn't remember.

if the man with an eidetic memory didn't remember, it must be extremely insignificant. so therefore, you must be extremely insignificant.

spencer raced to your house. he wanted to be there for you today, and he failed. he felt like a failure as a friend. he hated himself for not being there for you when he knew you would need him. he knew how you clung to him in your time of need. you thought he was worthy enough to hold onto when you needed someone, and spencer felt elated at that.

but now he wasn't there for you. and you needed him.

he had quickly stopped by the store and your favorite takeout place to get the things you'd want. he got your wine, chocolate, food, flowers, and a teddy bear that had a sweater vest on him - you've always loved his sweater vests.

when he got to the steps of your house, he felt his heart drop. as he walked closer he heard the wails of your crying right by the door. he could sense the heartache from the edge of your porch, and felt himself feel even worse, which he didn't think was possible.

he instantly ran to the door and knocked profusely. you sniffled one last time, feeling embarrassed that someone had heard you crying your heart out. you had figured one of your neighbors heard you and wanted to tell you to keep it down, so you wiped your tears and the stray mascara from underneath your eyes and opened the door, keeping your eyes lowered in embarrassment.

"y/n," spencer announced sadly, a tear falling down his face. you looked up in confusion from hearing his voice. you noticed his tear and reached up to wipe it away on instinct.

"why're you crying? are you okay?" you asked, forgetting all of your own problems at the sight of spencer crying. spencer let out a small chuckle at your concern.

"i'm alright, aside from the fact that i'm a terrible friend," he admitted as his smile quickly faded upon seeing your stained cheeks. "i brought your favorites," he offered, holding the bag of goodies in one hand and the takeout in another.

"y-you... why?" you asked, wanting to make sure you weren't misreading the situation for him trying to comfort you.

"why?" he asked in disbelief. "because it's the anniversary. i can't tell you how sorry i am, y/n. i swear i marked it on my calendar and planned for us to take off so i could take care of you. i-i just woke up late and never bothered to even check my phone. i kn-know it's no excuse... but i am so, so, so sorry," he rambled out, already tearing up.

you grabbed his arm gently and pulled him inside before you started crying in front of your neighbors. you took the bags from his hands and placed them on your coffee table.

"i thought you just didn't care," you shrugged as you took a seat on the couch, prompting him to sit beside you.

"y/n..." he sighed as he realized how terrible he screwed up. "i will always care about this. i will always care about you. don't ever think differently. i'm just incredibly... dumb sometimes. i can't believe i made you think that," he trailed on. "i will never not care about you, y/n. i swear it. i will always, always care about you. i will always love you," he froze as he realized what he just revealed. your eyes widened, and squinted, and roamed his face, trying to figure out if he meant the words he had just sped out. "i truly do, y/n. i i’m in love with you and i'm so sorry i made it seem otherwise."

it took you a second to absorb everything that he had said.

"you too," you solemnly admitted. "i’m in love with you too. and i could forgive you... for almost forgetting," you gave him a small smile.

"i'm glad you could forgive me. i don't know what i'd do if you didn't," he relished. "you actually love me?" you nodded with a small smile.

"i have for a while," you turned your head to the bags on the table.

"oh! right!" he said, reaching for the gifts. "i got your favorite takeout, your favorite wine, your favorite chocolates, flowers, and..." he trailed on as he revealed each item. "i saw this teddy, and i couldn't resist," he smiled.

you took the bear, taking in its appearance. it had a light blue, navy, and white diamond pattern sweater vest and brown shoes on. it looked like spencer, just teddy bear form. you smiled widely at the sentiment.

"it's you," you grinned as you took it in your arms, hugging it tightly as you saw spencer nodded with a smile mirroring that of your own. "i love it," you chuckled.

"i would understand, the fur is really soft," he relished in the thought.

"i don't think he'd be as good of a cuddler as the real thing, though," you grimaced. "but he'll do for when i don't have you here i guess," you shrugged with a smile.

"i plan on being here as long as you'll let me," he said softly.

"always," you grinned, setting down the teddy bear and trading him for the real spencer reid.

"always," he repeated, taking you in his arms and squeezing you tightly as if you'd float away at any moment. "now let's dig into this food while you talk about your feelings, if you want that is," he said after releasing you from the hug.

"i think i want to," you nodded. "and spence?" he turned from getting the food out of the bag to look at you for a second. "thank you for being my rock through all of this."

"i'll always be your rock, y/n."

@averyhotchner  @greenprisca  @muffin-cup

[kellyvela]

Has GRRM ever said in any interview or on his blog that he hates Sansa's complete storyline after 4th season? I dont really follow all of his fan/media interactions but from what I can recall he has spoken abt how LF in books wont give sansa to ramsay or how noone had issue when Jeyne was given the Ramsay storyline in books etc. Asking this question to you bcs you rightly point out how ppl misunderstood his interviews/posts ( sansans/targ stans etc) & I cant recall him ever saying he 'hates' sansa's story in the later seasons of the show ( not s5 in particular but even s6 to s8).

Capclave 2013:

A change that has repercussions for season 4 is Marillion’s tongue removal from the first season. Martin said that the change was made (from an anonymous singer being the victim of a de-tonguing) because they wanted Joffrey to maim someone the audience would recognize. He believes this is an issue because of the part the singer plays in Sansa’s storyline, how he affects her interactions with others in the book, and he doesn’t believe another character will be fulfilling that role on Game of Thrones.

—GRRM talks season 4 & beyond - Winter is Coming - October 13, 2013

2014 Fan Reports about Capclave 2013 (*):

In a convention panel this year, George said on the record that he had no idea what they were doing with Sansa or where they’re taking her storyline, which now makes sense perhaps. He was not pleased when he was talking about it, so who knows what’s going to happen with her! Knowing GRRM, that could mean they’re going off the canon reservation, and/or that they’re going to be making a lot of shit up

I have notes I’ll be responding to (thanks!) but enough people commented about Sansa that I thought I’d share that tidbit, since it happened back in September iirc (was the same panel where he criticized the exclusion of Tyrell brothers)

—starkalypse - June 3, 2014

GRRM’s comments at capclave about Sansa (which I was in the third row for, for those asking about legitimacy) were among others during the panel that had a general theme of dissatisfaction with show changes. He was not in good spirits for that con and didn’t really have anything positive to say regarding the show. So take it with a grain of salt; there are deviations away from the books in the episodes he gets writers credit for, so maybe they’re doing something stupid or they really don’t have a gameplan!

—starkalypse - June 4, 2014

(*) These reports were posted in June 2014, during the airing of Game of Thrones Season 4, about Capclave 2013 that happened in October 2013.

Just after the rape episode:

How many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Three, in the novel. One, in the movie. None, in real life: she was a fictional character, she never existed. The show is the show, the books are the books; two different tellings of the same story.

There have been differences between the novels and the television show since the first episode of season one. And for just as long, I have been talking about the butterfly effect. Small changes lead to larger changes lead to huge changes. HBO is more than forty hours into the impossible and demanding task of adapting my lengthy (extremely) and complex (exceedingly) novels, with their layers of plots and subplots, their twists and contradictions and unreliable narrators, viewpoint shifts and ambiguities, and a cast of characters in the hundreds.

There has seldom been any TV series as faithful to its source material, by and large (if you doubt that, talk to the Harry Dresden fans, or readers of the Sookie Stackhouse novels, or the fans of the original WALKING DEAD comic books)… but the longer the show goes on, the bigger the butterflies become. And now we have reached the point where the beat of butterfly wings is stirring up storms, like the one presently engulfing my email.

Prose and television have different strengths, different weaknesses, different requirements.

David and Dan and Bryan and HBO are trying to make the best television series that they can.

And over here I am trying to write the best novels that I can.

And yes, more and more, they differ. Two roads diverging in the dark of the woods, I suppose… but all of us are still intending that at the end we will arrive at the same place.

In the meantime, we hope that the readers and viewers both enjoy the journey. Or journeys, as the case may be. Sometimes butterflies grow into dragons.

—The Show, the Books - Not A Blog - May 18, 2015

Report about the last Game of Thrones Script that GRRM wrote:

No Wedding for Sansa and Ramsay: Without question, one of the most controversial changes the show made in trying to streamline the books was by slotting Sansa into the role of Ramsay’s wife and rape victim in Season 5. In the books, Ramsay marries and assaults Sansa’s best childhood friend, Jeyne Poole—who is being forced to impersonate Arya—instead. (You can actually see Jeyne briefly sitting next to Sansa in the show’s pilot.)

At the time Martin wrote this script, though, substituting Sansa for Jeyne was not yet the plan. Martin has Roose Bolton tell his bastard son: “We have a much better match in mind for you. A match to help House Bolton hold the north. Arya Stark.” It should be noted, however, that in Martin’s script, Sansa isn’t free from menace either. At his own wedding-day breakfast, Joffrey still threatens to rape the older Stark sister—once he’s “gotten Margaery with child.”)

—Game of Thrones: The Secrets of George R.R. Martin’s Final Script - Vanity Fair - December 7, 2018

A month before the Game of Throne S8 Finale:

Sansa’s story, in particular, has really deviated from the books. Ramsay Bolton — that marriage obviously was with a different character. When they start deviating like that, did you initially have any emotional reaction, even though you worked in Hollywood for many years yourself?

GRRM: Well, yeah — of course you have an emotional reaction. I mean, would I prefer they do it exactly the way I did it? Sure. But I’ve been on the other side of it, too. I’ve adapted work by other people, and I didn’t do it exactly the way they did it, so ….

Some of the deviation, of course, is because I’ve been so slow with these books. I really should’ve finished this thing four years ago — and if I had, maybe it would be telling a different story here. It’s two variations of the same story, or a similar story, and you get that whenever anything is adapted. The analogy I’ve often used is, to ask how many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Do you know the answer to that?

I know it’s different in the book and the movie …

GRRM: Three children in the book, one by each husband. She had one child in the movie. And in real life, of course, Scarlett O’Hara had no children, because she never existed. Margaret Mitchell made her up. The book is there. You can pick it up and read Mitchell’s version of it, or you can see the movie and see David Selznick’s version of it. I think they’re both true to the spirit of the work, and hopefully that’s also true of Game of Thrones on one hand, and A Song of Ice and Fire on the other hand.

—George R.R. Martin on the Stark Sisters and Ending ‘Game of Thrones’ - RollingStone - April 22, 2019

James Hibberd’s Book:

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: Jeyne Poole was included in the pilot—she’s shown giggling next to Sansa—but she’s never seen or referred to again. I actually wrote Jeyne into “The Pointy End,” my first script, when Arya killed the stableboy. I had some stuff with Jeyne running to Sansa being all hysterical and dialogue in the council chamber with Littlefinger saying, “Give her to me, I’ll make sure she doesn’t cause any trouble.” That was dropped.

DAVID BENIOFF: Sansa is a character we care about almost more than any other. We really wanted Sansa to play a major part in that season. If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that. There was a subplot we loved from the books, but it was a character not involved in the show.

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: I was trying to set up Jeyne for her future role as the false Arya. The real Arya has escaped and is presumed dead. But this girl has been in Littlefinger’s control for years, and he’s been training her. She knows Winterfell, has the proper northern accent, and can pose as Arya. Who the hell knows what a little girl you met two years ago looks like? When you’re a lord visiting Winterfell, are you going to pay attention to the little kids running around? So she can pull off the impersonation. Not having Jeyne, they used Sansa for that. Is that better or worse? You can make your decision there. Oddly, I never got pushback for that in the book because nobody cared about Jeyne Poole that much. They care about Sansa.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: My Littlefinger would have never turned Sansa over to Ramsay. Never. He’s obsessed with her. Half the time he thinks she’s the daughter he never had—that he wishes he had, if he’d married Catelyn. And half the time he thinks she is Catelyn, and he wants her for himself. He’s not going to give her to somebody who would do bad things to her. That’s going to be very different in the books.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

I hope it helps you.

Thanks for your message.

[1rintooru]

Haikyuu!! as their Zodiac Signs

Starring Oikawa Tooru as cancer

Soo there are a couple of fundamental traits associated with cancer’s: They are loyal, protective, intuitive and caring. On the flipside they can be overly sensitive, moody and prone to be vindictive. I’ll start with the good and see where and how they apply best to him.

Positive Traits:

Loyal:

I can totes see Oikawa as being a loyal person and this reflects itself in a couple of areas in his life. Firstly, his long-term friendship with his childhood best friend Iwaizumi. The two seem to have very different approaches to life, people and how they confront problems. Despite their differences, they balance each other out and take their friendship seriously. Iwaizumi is probably one of the very few people he’s authentic with since Iwaizumi can clearly tell when he’s being genuine or not. He’s also incredibly loyal to volleyball who would have thought and even though he may have had his doubts when he felt burnt out, he’d always end up returning back to the sport. He is so loyal and one-track minded when it comes to volleyball that it apparently got in the way of his previous relationship, so it’s clear that it’s a priority. Cancers are known for being extremely loyal partners and even may stay in relationships that are unhealthy because of this. I have a hard time imagining Oikawa as this playboy because he’s very much an all-or-nothing kinda guy.

Protective:

Hmmm I didn’t really see Oikawa as protective at first. But I do think he’s quite family-orientated since he coaches his nephew (along with other children) and is seen to spend time with him. But this dude is so protective of his pride like get a grip. Even though shiratorizawa was the better option, he refused to go because of his “worthless pride”. This guy holds onto certain beliefs and ideologies that really do more harm to him than good and they can show themselves in really toxic ways- like him overworking himself or almost beating kageyama up like chill tf out

Intuitive:

All waters signs are innately intuitive and cancers are no exception and I think Oikawa exemplifies that well. Oikawa is excellent at reading his teammates as well as his opponents. He can manipulate opposing teams by spotting their weaknesses but also has the ability of bringing his team together and bringing out the best of his teammates. His intuition gives him a lot of social grace as well (even if he acts like a child a lot of the time). He really does have the gift of gab and can probs sweet talk his way out of anything- he knows what social mask to wear for which occasion. Even Iwaizumi has said that he’s only seen Oikawa smile genuinely once. That’s not to say that this bish is fake, but he is highly adaptable und will tailor his actions based around those around him- he’s a social chameleon and there’s only few exceptions where he’s truly himself.

Caring:

He cares a lot about a lot of things. It probably seems like all he thinks about 24/7 is volleyball which is partly true, but he does care about others a lot as well. Again, his friendship with Iwaizumi showcases this really well, but also his connection to his family and his nephew in particular. He can be savage classy, bougie, ratchet on the volleyball court, but outside of it he actually seems really polite?? Like he takes time out of his day to interact with his fangirls even though they probably can be overbearing at times or even get in the way of getting to and from practice- yet he still takes photos for them and is appreciative when they offer him bentos?? And unlike Kageyama, Oikawa truly is a teamplayer and brings out the 100% of his team- even when they lose, he is never resentful or regretful. I’ve also felt that his teammates are not just his teammates because he seems pretty close with all of them and they all have banter back and forth. Oikawa is truly great at making sure these bonds and interactions are harmonious. To bring out their strengths but also bc I think Oikawa would be sensitive to conflict.

Negative traits:

Overly-sensitive:

Yeah, for sure. He tends to take things personally, even impersonal criticism or objective advice. He’s the type of guy who probably remembers something innocuous you said only to bring it up again months later. He was also really bent out of shape when kiyoko ignored him it’s not that deep dude. Cancers are not really the aggressive type, so I doubt you’ll get into an explosive fight (it can happen ofc, but they’ll probably think abt hurting you than actually doing anything) but they are so effing petty! They will resort to childish antics, petty remarks and are prone to being passive aggressive. These are all qualities that we have seen Oikawa exhibit, so I’m not even going to elaborate more.

Moody:

I think this fits him well. He does manage to put on a good social mask and depending on the situation, he can maneuver his way through life with his charm and social skills. However, he isn’t like ushijima, akaashi or suna who tend to not let outward factors affect their emotions. He’s a very reactive person and feels deeply to what is happening around him. A lot of cancers (esp in my experience) have the tendency to go MIA and retreat into their shells. I haven’t seen Oikawa do this as frequently, I think. For him, home is where the heart is and his heart is with volleyball. He doesn’t really brood or fall into a cycle of self-pity- he’s just too ambitious for that. Instead, he’ll throw himself into the sport to improve and he does this obsessively to the point of injuring himself. He doesn’t want to see himself as a victim and he certainly doesn’t want others to view him that way either. He’ll only open up to those he truly trusts and even then, it’s usually through passive aggressive insults, bitter remarks and barely hidden insecurity.

Vindictive:

Cancers are not vengeful in the way that scorpios are, but they can hold onto a grudge for years and become extremely resentful. This is esp the case if a cancers insecurity is “attacked”. (I use that term loosely btw). Oikawa hated kageyama from the beginning bc he “hated geniuses” and refused to teach or help him- this is oikawa’s inferiority shining through. He didn’t want to give kageyama, who is already gifted with raw talent any more advantage over him. Yeah, oikawa is extremely talented and skilled but he probably thinks that those with the natural gift for volleyball will always be a step ahead since they’ll learn new techniques and get better as they improve. Rationally speaking, oikawa and kageyama would learn a lot from each other, but oikawa is vindictive and won’t help someone he sees as an enemy. At least not without throwing some petty jabs. It also would have made more sense for him to go to shiratorizawa if he was concerned with being the best of the best, however it was personal for him. He has a longstanding rivalry with ushijima and it wouldn’t have made much sense for oikawa to join because it’s personal for him. He wouldn’t just throw away his personal beliefs and ignore his vendetta just because logically it would make more sense for him to do so. He’s very much a heart over head kind of guy so a lot of how he acts and responds are going to align with his own value system.

[an1malcannibal]

So about that sog Kai au 👀👀👀 do you mind telling us about it????😳😳😳

ALSJJDJSKALAJSJSKALA GOTCHU BRO 🥺💞💞💞 thank you for asking!!!!! Beware.... long post time....

Basically this starts aaaallllll the way back in season 4, where when Kai became the red shogun, he got involved in even shadier and shadier business situations (he basically becomes a for-hire grunt/guard because he’s so good at fighting! As a result, he’s so deep in the underworld and it’s dealings that when the ninja tried to look for him in season 4, they straight up can’t find him. They use all of their connections, everything they can, but he’s completely disappeared, without so much of a trace past three months after Zane died. (This is a year later. They hadn’t checked up on Kai in a while, he had a huge fight with them before he left, swore he never wanted to see them again, etc. they decided to give him time and space). So they file Kai as a missing person, and come together for the search for him! A few days after the report is filed and they start the search, they get their invitations to Chen’s! Kai didn’t get an invite because even Chen couldn’t find him... so the ninja have to make the difficult decision to pause their search and try and go save Zane, only to have nya AND Garmadon show up because Nya came with him for backup, but then she heard abt Zane, and made the even harder decision to join them on their quest to get Zane. Season 4 happens relatively the same, only Nya was the one to become romantically involved with skylor instead of Kai (staff moment didn’t happen because nya didn’t have the villainous traits for the staff to bring out rip. But it did help connect her to her elemental powers a little early! Good for you queen). But anyways. Harm still gets yeeted, seasons aftermath is the same except now they have Zane and have to face the search for Kai, which hits them like a ton of bricks. Season 4 ends.

so when season 5 starts everything is pretty different, there’s no tea shop, because all of their energy and focus is on the search for kai, so nya hasn’t had time to rlly focus on trying to develop her powers, so later when she trains her skill level is abt the same. morro happens, which delays the search AGAIN. they are in very low spirits abt all this. season 5s ending and resulting effects are the same. skybound does not happen just like in the show :). day of the dead happens, season 7 is a bit more complicated but again, results for the ninja are the same. basically normal seasons, except kai isn’t there and they are generally in lower spirits because all of their free time is spent looking for kai, but they think he’s either vanished completely or.... something worse that they don’t want to think about. so by time season 8 starts, the ninja have definitely become much more lax on their search, not spending as much time on it, dealing with other threats. they hate it, but ninjago needs defending and they are the ones to do it. by time season 8 starts, they’ve stopped actively going all over ninjago. they just keep their eyes out during missions more, that kind of thing. MEANWHILE!

this whole time, kais been doing his shady activities. traveling around with different gangs until he finds one that have him work for them full time, however it’s one of the biggest organized crime syndicates in ninjago. all over the whole continent! so he basically has to travel a lot, and he goes DEEP undercover, because originally he didn’t want anyone to find him, then it became he was so ashamed of all the criminal activity he’s taken part in. however, after a while of stewing in definitely the WORST environment for this kind of thing, he slowly but surely has so much resentment, the anger, then eventually even hate for the ninja. it wasn’t near overnight, but it happened. he thought about all the hurtful things they had said to eachother in their last fight. how deeply everyone’s words had cut. how they all seemed to gang up on him, when he now knew he was grieving, and sure he was out of line a bit then, but did it really require that? them taking everything out on him? he thought about how it took months for them to even realize he was gone, that his last motel was a dead end and he hadn’t left a trace since. how they didn’t try and somehow let him know that zane was alive. how they had seemed to search for him like mad and then disappear for so long, almost at this point having given up on finding him entirely. he didn’t want to talk to them, but it had been nice, secretly, to know that they at least cared enough to look for him, to miss him maybe. he thought about how zane dying had fractured the team, but kai being as good as dead didn’t seem to meaningfully impact the team in any way. he was selfish for thinking this, he knew, but GOD it hurt him more than he could describe. all that he had done for each of his teammates. his sister. his family. his whole life he had done nothing but sacrifice for all of them, only for them to not sacrifice a thing in return for him? he is. angry. and devastatingly depressed about it at the same time. and he’s filled with so many conflicting emotions, because on one side he still truly cares about them, and would do so much for things to go back to the way they were. but on the other side, he is just filled with so much resentment and anger, hatred all built up, the feeling of betrayal and deep, gut wrenching sadness, all swirling together, clouding his mind, mixing with his deep, almost hidden happiness of being actually FREE of all of the hero junk, the responsibility, the destiny, EVERYTHING. he also, even more secretly, enjoys the fighting more now. he doesn’t have to hold back. he can keep going until he burns himself out because that’s what he’s paid to do, damn the consequences. he’s swept up into being more and more violent, even accepting a few hit jobs a couple of times, mainly to see if he could. he could. basically rn he’s an absolute SOUP of conflicting violent emotions and dubious morality. This is the state he’s in when he meets Harumi.

he meets harumi on a job, she was working with the opposite gang, starting to get herself into the crime rings so she could firmly establish the sons of garmadon, (this part might change a bit because i actually have to watch season 8-9-10 lol but i’m getting to it i promise) they end up outside after, ending up sharing a lighter and some smokes, causing them to start talking, and end up opening up a bit and bonding a bit. they end up sort of.... acquaintances. they will talk after a job or before sharing a lighter to smoke sometimes, talking about so many different things. eventually they end up talking abt the ninja and how much they HATE them, harumi egging kai on in his negative emotions towards him, revealing her parents fates. kai ends up revealing the stuff abt his parents, how he was forced to raise his sister from far too young..... eventually revealing that he was, at one time. the red ninja. never again to him though. never again. he’s begun to hate everything he once stood for. harumi has her suspicions, he fit the description of the missing red ninja, from broadcasts and flyers. this was just the kind of business where you don’t ask those kinds of questions. besides, she liked kai. and what better way to get back at the green ninja, the once she hated most, than getting his former teammate on her side?

BUM BUM BUM

So that’s it so far!!!! I hope u like this bro! I have a lot more details and fights in mind, especially when we actually get into season 8 lol, but I don’t wanna spoil anything rn!!!!! Lots of fun stuff I’m planning on posting lol 👀 PLEASE tell me what u think bro..... I crave feedback and criticism..... pls bro.... 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[cdfreak]

3? (but also i wanna hear about all of them)

sok 3 got answered already but. since u said u wanna hear abt all of them ill talk abt 2 for ya!!!

2 is Deryn!!! The first one I made, my princess oc!!

doll maker used https://meiker.io/play/11592/online.html

I’m gonna try and tell this in chronological order but i might get it switched up a lot oops

Alright lets stare at the Beginning, with Deryn’s kingdom

Deryn’s ancestors used to rule a kingdom that im too lazy to name. It was underground, in large caverns, protected from the unbearable heat of the Crimson Waste by like a mile of dirt and rocks and shit. Life was pretty epic, they were way too deep in the Crimson Waste for anybody to even think about attacking them, and their Princesses had the power to manipulate & create heat and fire so it was decently easy to keep people and goods cool if they had to travel to different kingdoms as long as they had a Princess with them. Unfortunately, Mara’s ship crash-landed like. right fucking on top of the kingdom and the entire place fucking collapsed. Most of the citizens and royalty died, but like 2 dozen citizens and a handful of royalty were traveling at the time, and survived! 

The royalty tried to lead the remaining citizens and rebuild their kingdom above ground but no one was used to living aboveground and it didn't work at all. Most of the citizens left to other kingdoms or adapted to live on their own in the Crimson Waste, but a handful of citizens remained loyal and a gang was formed. They did their best to lead peaceful lives, but its the Crimson Waste so they had to come to terms with doing bad things sometimes. Fast forward like a million years idk  i don't remember the timeline of spop at ALL. It’s the tail end of the (first) war between the Horde and the Rebellion, and this baby named Deryn is born. He grows up learning to use his princess powers (manipulation/creation of heat and fire, as well as being immune to burns) Deryn’s mother dies when he’s 12. Things are pretty uneventful after that for like 7 years until Sonya shows up and then Deryn starts falling madly in love like the gay bitch he is (Deryns a he/him lesbian). 2 years later, when Deryn’s 21, his dad Pyro dies, and he becomes the leader of his gang. He’s been leading the gang for the past 2 years and he's not actually half bad.

Ok I wanna talk abt his powers a bit. first off i have no fucking clue where his like. magic princess power crystal thing is and im too lazy to figure out an explanation so for now he's got a bag of holding and the crystals chilling in there. His powers make him immune to burns, BUT he can still suffer from dehydration and stuff so while he's better equipped to survive in the desert he's not like. untouchable. also his body heat is FUCKED UP. he can control it because heat manipulation but the default is like. 150 degrees F (65.5 C) he doesn't get sick often because of the high body heat but when he encounters some weird desert virus that's adapted to extreme heat and he gets a fever? he's sitting there like

(art credit)

i mentioned in this post that hes got MAJOR beef with the horde and with the rebellion, allow me to explain. he values freedom above almost everything else and is a bit of an anarchist so he fuckin HATES the horde. Hes got no problem with the original rebellion, in fact he admires them for trying to defeat the horde, but he hates the new rebellion because they're teaming up with she ra and the old she ra (mara) destroyed his kingdom and killed a fuck ton of his ancestors and his ancestors’ citizens so hes got major beef w/ she ra

he wears the horde belt as a trophy cause he got it off a horde soldier he defeated in battle, and he wears she ras colors as a “fuck you weird magic tall lady MY colors now” thing. also the horde belt makes sure people know he isn't part of the rebellion and the she ra colors make sure people know he isn't part of the horde

ok personality time. this is mostly me projecting. he gets mad a Lot and is not good at coping with anything so he deals with the incredible amounts of trauma he has by just kinda. Thinking Hard until he gets really pissed and then he goes off into the desert and shoots giant columns of flame everywhere. hes bad at expressing emotions so sonya thinks hes kind of a massive dick for a while but like once they get close enough he feels more comfortable joking around and shit and she realizes oh hes not an asshole he just needs intense therapy.

hes very close to everyone in the gang, since they're all either like a parent figure or a sibling figure or some shit. Lewis (camp cook) is like a father to him (lewis is just very dad like in general and also Pyro and him were kinda dating for a while up until pyro died), Cordelia and Kaz are like his moms. Zero and Zusk are his little bros!!! and Ziri’s (bird lady extraordinaire) a bit of an older sister yknow?

i cant think of anything else 2 put but if i do ill rb!!!

[elle-eedee]

im a day late but im a sap so i wanted to whip up something of timid heart shark celebrating no heart’s birthday!! biiiiig headcanon dump under the cut 💜🖤

ok so!!! timid heart wakes up one morning and she looks at her calendar, as one does, and when she realizes its friday the 13th she GASPS and falls out of bed

this makes a LOT of noise, so it happens to wake up her roommate, [studio audience applause] slimey heart snail! slimey's disgruntled to have been woken up from his Sleeb but as soon as he sees timid heart on the ground hes in Protec Mode™ like "WHATS GOING ON ARE YOU HURT" and shes like "i-its.... no h-hearts BIRTHD-DAY" and u can see slimeys face go through the 5 stages of grief (with acceptance taking place in the form of "thats fine but im kinkshaming")

(in general, slimey feels kinda iffy abt timid's feelings 4 no heart, just bc hes a Bad Dude n slimey wants the best for his very good friend, but at the same time he trusts her!!! he just has to remind her to stick up 4 herself sometimes)

so slimeys like “ok... and?” bc he knows the drill at this point and timid heart obvi has a plan to impress her Crush™ SO she goes through this whole thing about how she really wants to make sure no heart has a good day and she thinks its important that he gets to celebrate with people who wouldnt, like, directly benefit from being overtly kind to him (i.e. henchmen) and maybe she gets distracted a few times and ends up describing the hug she plans to give him in detail, and MAYBE shes blushing a lil more than necessary, but slimey keeps her on track and when it seems like shes finished talking he asks how on earth shes going to get to his castle n she gets this look of surprised realization followed immediately by determination n shes like “I H-HAVE TO GET CAPTURED”

slimey heart’s like “YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT DO THAT”

they discuss whether or not this is a good idea for longer than necessary (smh timid heart... wyd) but slimey eventually convinces her that itll show more dedication/be safer if she just straight up visits him, since by this point she absolutely knows the way. but since shes a shy baby she asks slimey to take the trip with her, which he agrees to do as long as he doesnt hav to ACTUALLY go inside the castle, as he “makes no promises about not punching the guy’s face in on sight”. and so theyre off!

the actual journey is pretty uneventful; they get near enough 2 the castle that slimey can avoid being noticed but still keep an eye on timid, so he sends her on the rest of her way

in standard timid heart fashion, the last 5 minutes of the trip r the ones where she immediately overthinks her whole plan and gets super anxious about it. what if no heart’s shadows catch her? what if she has to worry abt whatever scary stuff lives in his moat? what if she has to sneak in, and no heart thinks she wants to Fight him? her brain is being very mean to her and its not fun at all

but luckily, who does she see right outside but MR. BEASTLY?? and hes pacing about, like he does every year (or, well, every 6ish months? however often friday the 13th happens fdkfgdsds) and worrying about not having the perfect gift for no heart yet!! so she realizes that she isnt going to have to sneak in after all! and she strikes a deal w/ beastly where he pretends that he captured her as his gift to no heart! everybody wins

so they get inside, and beastly runs into the room first and does his whole singsongy “NO HEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRRRT I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOUUUUU” and no hearts annoyed, like he always is, but u can tell theres something else to it. he sounds hopeful? so beastly keeps on going and hes dropping hints abt what the gift is and saying things that pretty obviously would only apply to a care bear (like “its small, and fuzzy, and something youve been trying to destroy for centuries” or smth fdsgkf) and no heart is VERY excited now and hes like “YOU GOT ME A-?” and timid heart steps out from behind a wall and kinda shrugs n smiles and no heart is like “... oh. hello, timid heart.” (her heart skips a beat or twenty when he says her name)

and the way he says it is like? maybe shes reading too much into it, bc she does that, but he says it with a tone that, from anyone else, would sound horribly disappointed but given the fact that no heart has the emotional range of a peanut he sounds! almost happy to see her!!

he crosses the room n approaches her and her brain is going a mile a minute and he crouches to get a better look at her and her breath catches. they lock eyes, for like a second. she waves. he stands back up to his full height, says something characteristically unimpressed like “i suppose she’ll do” and beastly has NO STANDARDS so he looks p excited but then after a minute no heart sighs and very genuinely is like “thank you, beastly” and its!!! a Very Nice Moment. 

so of course he kicks beastly out of the room like 2 seconds later just so hes not being TOO soft. and then he and timid heart are alone

theres a bit of an uncomfortable silence (well, it’s uncomfortable for timid at least) so she clears her throat and, in her very raspy Nervous voice, says “h-happy birthday, no h-heart!” he whirls around and looks at her and is a combo of surprised and confused?

he beckons her closer w/ one finger and she goes to him willingly, and he crouches to her eye level again. theres a tense silence where shes thinking abt the way his shadow pools around her, commands the room, but his voice snaps her out of it. soft n low, he asks “why are you here?”

“w-well, i- b-beastly, he-” “yes, yes, i know. he got you. but he always seems to, doesnt he? he never fails. you’re always here. so, why?” 

timid heart fiddles w/ her hands for a sec, tries 2 come up with something less embarrassing than the actual truth, but she cant, so she just takes a deep breath and tells him that she likes it in his castle and that, well, she likes him! (she doesnt specify romantically, but... baby steps) and she thinks he deserves to have a nice birthday celebration

he looks her over for a moment that feels Really Long, but then he sighs and!!! he reaches out and takes her hand!!!!

slimey heart, watching thru a window with heart-shaped binoculars: nice

timid n no heart just kinda Stay like that for a nice moment, a moment in which timid heart is pretty suspicious shes dreaming and CERTAIN that shes forgotten how 2 breathe, but eventually no heart very gingerly releases his hold on her and stands. he tells her that he has to get back to his work (evil doesnt take a holiday, after all) but that shes welcome to stick around so long as she doesnt get into trouble. so she does! she doesnt Rlly feel comfortable watching no heart research spells (she feels like shes bothering him + upsetting the peace n quiet) so instead she hangs out with beastly for a while! they talk abt inconsequential stuff like the plant he’s growing and how come he always wears that scarf, even when its hot out? super fun

she ends up leaving a little before it gets dark out (not that its EVER easy to tell what fckin time of day it is at no heart’s castle, given the weather is Spooky Clouds 24/7) so that none of the care bears or cousins worry abt her, but shes too shy to say bye to no heart so she just asks beastly to tell him she had a really good time and that she hopes he enjoys his birthday! shes pretty much banking on the fact that he’ll paraphrase it to b less emotional dskgds

as shes walking away she blows a lil kiss to the castle (something shes sure 2 get made fun of for later) and meets up w/ slimey, who does in fact joke around with her but is overwhelmingly glad shes safe

he asks her how it went and if she ever got that Perfect Hug she was talking about? and shes like “n-nah but... i-i’ll get him n-next time” n he kinda laughs n puts his arm around her and they walk home like that

[royharpers]

jayroy 1-11 + 21-27???

my boys!!

1. Who is the early bird/ Who is the night owl?

jason is both… he’s the kind of guy who can sleep anywhere for any amount of time… King of The Power Naps… so he’s usually up even later than roy bc of the job/being a bat/habit/paranoia etc and then he wakes up early too

2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?

jason insists on being the big spoon most of the time and roy doesnt mind at all bc he likes being held and jason is bigger anyway, but sometimes jason just needs to be held so roy takes over being the big spoon and he still loves it

3. Who hogs the cover/ Who loves to cuddle?

roy hogs the covers but he also likes to cuddle. he’ll get all up in jason’s personal space and jay usually acts all grumpy but he loves it anyway… sometimes roy gets extra clingy bc he feels like if he holds on tight enough he won’t lose jason too

4. Who wakes the other one up with kisses?

if roy manages to get up before jason somehow he does. more often than not if anyone’s gonna wake anyone up w kisses it’s lian ambushing them before they wake up and jumping on top of them to do it

5. Who usually has nightmares?

jason has rly bad nightmares about dying  and the joker and the pit and crawling out of his grave and so many more and he has them more often than roy does… that’s why he learned to take super short naps throughout the day + he doesn’t like talking abt them… roy gets it tho and he just holds jason until they can go back to sleep and never pushes him

roy on the other hand has nightmares abt falling back on his addictions or losing the people he loves. again. sometimes they take the form of oliver kicking him out again, sometimes he finds himself all alone in his apartment without his friends or family, no one but an itch under his skin. he tells jason about them sometimes, in an attempt to show him that he isn’t alone and that he can open up too. he tells dinah too whenever she asks about how he’s been doing. jason makes sure he never smells like a bar going home to roy and he always makes sure roy knows he’ll be there for him through all of the nightmares

6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day? 

roy has them late at night when he can’t sleep & he does the whole “jay. hey jaybird. you still awake? jay it’s important.” thing. jason has them in the middle of the day but he pretends he doesn’t

7. Who sweats the small stuff?

jason does. he feels like he has to be in control and when something small goes wrong he worries about it whereas roy will just.. “oh? that’s not gonna work out like it was supposed to? uhhhhh fuck it we’re doing it live” 

8. Who sleeps in their underwear (or naked)/ Who sleeps in their pajamas?

jason sleeps in pjs bc he wants to be ready in case someone breaks in or attacks or smth. roy sleeps in whatever the fuck. sometimes he’s exhausted from working on something in the workshop and falls into bed in his jeans still. once he tried to sleep in his arsenal costume but jason “didn’t want that fake leather shit rubbing on him in the middle of the night” sometimes he sleeps naked. he doesn’t care. if someone wants to fight him they can fight him with his dick out he’s done it before he’ll do it again

9. Who makes the coffee (or tea)?

jason does. he’s usually awake before roy is so he makes roy coffee and himself tea in the morning. if roy’s in the workshop too focused to leave it and refuses to sleep bc he’s “almost done” jason will make him coffee

10. Who likes sweet/ Who likes sour?

jason likes sour and roy likes sweet

11. Who likes horror movies/ Who likes romance movies?

jason is weird about both. horror movies are usually too cheesy so he can make fun of them in peace but sometimes they have elements that get to him and he can’t watch anymore. romance movies usually have too much secondhand embarrassment but they’re a guilty pleasure of his. roy “watches” whatever jason wants. he can’t focus long enough to really watch any full length movie barring a couple here or there so he leaves it up to jason.

21. Who has an obsession (over anything)?

roy gets obsessed over whatever he’s working on at the moment. he gets super focused and forgets to eat and sleep and drink and bathe until he’s done. 

22. Who goes all out for Valentine’s Day?

they both do… oh man one time me and jules were talking about this like… imagine roy forgot about it one years because he was hyper focused on something he was working on and jason didn’t notice it was the 14th so the next year roy tries to go All Out like.. he makes dinner, there are roses,, candles the whole shibang. but smth fucks up and they set off the smoke detector and the sprinklers go off and everything is ruined and roy’s devastated because he worked super hard to make this special for jason & jason’s just looking at him and is like “wow he put so much work and effort into this and it got fucked up and wow isn’t that just our lives but also i still think this is the sweetest fucking thing” and he kisses roy & its almost like kissing in the rain except they’re inside and going to have to deal with the water damage later

23. Who asks who out on the first date?

roy did because jason was being all shy & nervous & beating around the bush & roy has no shame so he just went for it

24. Who is the talker/ Who is the listener? 

roy talks and talks and talks constantly and usually he says dumb shit until people start tuning him out so he can start talking about Real Things without them realizing so they can’t judge him. jason listens though. he pretends he doesn’t but he listens to every word roy tells him and makes a mental note of every secret and concern he discloses. jason doesn’t talk as much but when he does roy is super attentive and tries extra hard to appear as focused as he is so he isn’t fidgeting while jason talks

25. Who wears the other ones clothes?

roy constantly steals jason’s clothes. they’re a bit big on him but at this point neither him or jason is entirely sure roy owns any clothes anymore, he’s just always wearing jasons hoodies and shirts and jeans and so on

26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food?

jason’s more worried abt eating healthy than roy is but that’s not saying much… he still doesn’t rly care but he’ll eat a salad every once in a while and roy will pretend to throw up the whole time bc “that’s rabbit food jaybird wtf” 

27. Who takes a long shower/ Who sings in the shower?

roy takes the long showers and he sings Very Loudly in them… jason can hear him singing carly rae jepsons entre discography from the living room. on days when jason is extra stressed sometimes he takes long ones but usually he’s in n out in like 5 minutes 

send a ship + number(s)!

[nctsolar-remade]

you can’t have had only bad friends :(

grade 3-9: had a manipulative best friend who always made me apologize when she got angry even if i did nothing wrong, and used the silent treatment and never told me what i did wrong. made fun of my depression, made fun of me bc i liked a guy, stopped talking to me bc i was bi

grade 6 - 8: had a friend who was the centre of the friend group, made everyone do things her way- she could hurt people but if anyone hurt her she would get angry.

grade 7-11: had a best friend who always made me look like the bad guy; if i was ever bitter or angry about something, she made me seem like i was a fucking asshole about it, she eventually made a new best friend who was then horrible to me as well. both of them continually made me seem like some bitch who was always angry and bitter and rude; thus i became an angry, bitter, cynic and that’s what everyone in school saw me as

grade 9: had a friend who constantly guilted me into telling him my problems and what was bothering. i actually had a crush on him and in the end he used me to get a friend of mine… he later dropped out of school for a year and then came back… but when he did he ignored me and never talked to me…

grade 9 - 12: had a manipulative best friend who was EXTREMELY wealthy- she made fun of the fact that my family was suffering in terms of money. on more than one occasion commented on the fact that i didn’t own a phone. whenever we argued abt smth she always made me apologize- she made fun of me for liking kpop and always made me feel inferior and like i was her slave or smth

grade 9 - 12: had a very close friend (friends with the above girl) who acted like she was better than me bc she liked kpop- when i finally started liking kpop she always talked shit abt the groups i liked. constantly talked abt me behind my back. i once wore a crop top and said i was being a slut, then a year later? i think? began dressing more provocatively, and still bashed other girls for how they dressed. still talks shit abt me to this day even though i don’t even TALK to her.

grade 11: i made friends with a bunch a group of 3 other girls- i did that. i was the one that continually talked to them and made friends with them. and then, in grade 12, all of them, especially one, started ignoring me. this girl told me it was “ok to cry” and turned right around and started shit talking me to a friend of mine saying i was a crybaby and that i cried too much and i was too emotional- and “why would anyone be her friend?”; around this time i started becoming more and more bitter about things and i stopped crying

grade 12: literally every single friendship that i had that wasn’t major- almost EVERYONE spoke of me like i was some angry cynic and that i was raining on their parade (mainly prom) and that i was ruining their special day by not going. everyone spoke badly of me… because of the incident with that friend who made me seem like the bad guy… most people thought of me like that in my final years… i spent a lot of time being angry and hurting… i am still suffering from that…

lmao the only friends i’ve had that have been with me for a while are yamu and crystal, but like i already said… i rarely see them these days bc of how time consuming uni gets… i don’t think you understand… i’m not saying it lightly, i have had close to 0 healthy relationships… like seriously not even my friendships have been healthy… what does that say about me… lmao…