#almost to the point of tears

[elektroyu]

This may sound a little esoteric, but sometimes I really wonder what my higher purpose in life is. By now I think I have a pretty good idea of which (overall) direction I need to go (= art stuff in the widest sense). This is exclusively because that's what feels right to me and seems to be what I always come back to in some way.

But beyond that? I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for living (literally living, like eating and housing, let alone pets orz). Are these things supposed to be connected? Or am I supposed to find another way to get income, somehow despite my health condition?

What am I supposed to do for other people so that I can get income of my own*? What is it that I can GIVE others? Where is the thing that I can do that can provide others with a high enough value?

I have no fucking clue at all, and that's scary as hell.

*at least I'd like to have an income of my own that I basically earn myself with some kind of work. Not at all looking forward to end up depending on benefits for the rest of my life

[lesbianseaweed]

one time I was watching Mickey Mouse Funhouse with my 5yo cousin and I was on my period and I got unreasonably angry bc it was an episode abt preserving the environment and the character everyone was supposed to look up to on that matter had a private jet

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

having a really bad depression time. I actually just want to die

[aemonds-sapphireeye]

Still genuinely do not get the anti-Green, anti-Black stuff and the arguments over who is actually the Bad Guy here. None of these characters are supposed to be saints. They can be bad people and/or do bad things and you can still love them anyway because they are not real. Why tf do you think Light Yagami is so popular despite being a narcissistic, sociopathic twink murderer??

[napping-sapphic]

There really is something so magical about loving women for me like i love getting passing crushes and thinking someone is beautiful or handsome or cute, a girl can make me blush once and i’ll feel like im floating for the rest of the week

[ganondoodle]

so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

[hammill-goes-fogwalking]

I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.

[sliceoflasagna]

the seinfeld finale is the funniest shit. other sitcoms will end with a wholesome closing arc, all characters finding some sort of closure… while seinfeld is like. no yeah these are all horrible people. to jail. to jail for a thousand years. the end

[mazojo]

Haru the mother you are !!

[vulcanette]

The Circling Sky

[russell-crowe]

when i said that i feel like people need to watch house md with house/wilson shipping goggles to understand my idea of love and my love language, i meant that i really want what they have from the perspective of relating to wilson.

i want someone who digs and digs until they find my mess, my insecurities, my fears, my ugly truths and who doesn’t flinch. someone who knows i'm afraid of being seen like that and still insists on seeing me, every single piece of me, even the ones I’m ashamed of. I want the constant push-and-pull, the maddening, infuriating need to know and be known.

i want someone who takes and takes because, well, i am so ready to give and give piece for piece until it becomes borderline unhealthy. i want to pour myself into something, into someone, even if it’s messy and complicated and sometimes feels like it’s falling apart. i want to be needed that badly, loved that fiercely.

i want the kind of dynamic where you’re always circling each other, always challenging each other, always finding new ways to break and rebuild each other. I want that intense, consuming connection, where even when it’s painful, you can’t imagine being anywhere else.

i just really want to find a house to my wilson because they remind me that somewhere out there, there might be someone who doesn’t just tolerate my chaos, but embraces it. someone who makes me feel like it’s okay to be a little broken, a little complicated, a little too much… because they’re all of those things, too. and somehow that just works. <3

[shantechni]

Me still being a little upset about the Karasuno v Nekoma match being turned into movie but crying too hard from how peak the movie is

[xmascritter]

Ive seen people be like "how on earth can they follow up botw and totk with another zelda game?" Which is fair, but those people seem to forget there are two sides to zelda. The very serious side, and the silly side. And Im not just talking about moments, Im talking about whole games. Botw and totk both leaned pretty heavily into the serious side, even though the link is probably one of our silliest yet.

So the only logical conclusion is that the next couple games should be the exact opposite.

Im talking like, triforce heroes and spirit tracks levels of chicanery. I need these next couple games to have game specific mechanics and themes so ridiculous that the game reviewing sites will pre-emptively call it stupid before its even out.

I need the world to be so silly and wacky that link almost feels like the straightman to a joke, but the whole thing is played so sincerely that it cant help but make you smile.

I need the villain to not be ganondorf; its either vaati, or the villain needs to be one of those one of single game villains made only for this specific setting of zelda, that fans will love and beg for more of and then never see again.

I need the technology to be weird and look oddly advanced with no explanation despite the fact every single character looks like they just came from the local ren faire.

I need the style to be toon link. We havent seen the lad outside of smash bros in nearly a decade. And not only do I need it to be toon link, I need the entire game to be stylized in a way that throws all the older zelda fans completely off like windwaker did. I want this to be the persona 5 of zelda games, so visually distinct it changes how all other toon link zeldas are shown in media by extension.

I need link to have a companion again, and they have to be the most annoying little shit. Im talking navi levels of annoying. But then the game makes you attached to them and sucker punches you at the end when you eventually have to part ways.

And I want another alternate world that I personally will be begging for more lore about, only to never see it again in the zelda franchise.

The only way to truly follow up a game that takes such dedication and respect to the previous iterations of the franchise while subverting many of the tropes you'd find in the games is to make a game so pack full of the tropes but so earnest about it you can't help but enjoy yourself. And the only way to really do that is to lean hard into silly Zelda.

[basilthymee]

I just want to talk about this moment in the saint campaign, because it really, really struck me.

The climb up the silent monument is harsh, you're scaling a dead god's corpse, countless dangerous creatures now roaming the halls of a once glorious superstructure. You, a literally defenceless slugcat, despite all this, scale up the unforgiving walls and face the harrowing winter storms, all to reach pebbles. He isn't anything anymore, no better than a piece of rubbish you would find on the floor.

No snarky comments or insults are thrown towards you, hell, he doesn't even acknowledge your existence until you walk right up to him, listening to the last thing he has left, his music. A gentle, repeating tune completely in contrast to the billowing snowstorm around him.

Pebbles gave up everything he had, giving up his last lifeline that prevented him from collapsing, all to try and redeem himself in the eyes of his big sis.

And now here you are, visiting him again, who knows how many cycles later, his state an eerie resemblance to Moon when we first ever met her.

Five Pebbles isn't a bad person per se, yes, his actions are inexcusable, he almost killed his own sister. But it wasn't out of spite, or hatred, but out of what he believed was necessity. The instructions the Ancients had given him, and all the other iterators, were cruel. An answer to an impossible question. Pebble's mistake was that he believed wholeheartedly that a solution could be reached, he believed his parents, like a child, he wanted to finish the job he had been created to complete.

Yet he never realised when to let go.

[fictionadventurer]

The Rosemary Tree is the first time I've had to put down a book so I could sob over how beautiful it was.

[gardenerian]

thoughts on ian’s face in the “sorry im late” scene in 5x8 (i think it’s 5x8)

my thoughts are that i am going to start crying and never stop. my additional thoughts are:

so he's in bed, right? he's been trying mickey all day, meanwhile mickey has been going through his own process at home. but ian is thinking that he might have finally pushed mickey away for good - or scared him away. so he's in bed, eyes shut - probably not sleeping, but just laying there. shutting out the rest of the day. he hears someone behind him and his eyes kinda open. it's when he hears mickey though that his breathing picks up and we go from this:

to this:

like it's so slight, but like. the little flutters and the way his eyes start to move 😭 there's life left there. i feel like...... in moments like this, it sometimes feels like you might just lay there until you're dust. it's all over. the life you knew, the life you wanted. and yet - here he is again. and i think ian is genuinely surprised. this is where is starts being surprising to ian that he could be someone to come back for.

anyways. he turns around as fast as his medicated body will let him. we don't see his face when he first sees mickey, but we see it when he says "sorry i'm late." and it reminds me of the scene in 4x11 where mickey says "what you and i have makes me free." like it makes me insane. in both of these moments, his face just drops into something so young and so vulnerable.

like???? he's a little boy! and here is someone standing in front of him - someone he he has ALWAYS WANTED to stand in front of him - promising to be there. that he knows ian needed him. that he's here now for whatever might happen. reality is so warped these days but here he is.

and you see it land??? you see ian exhale and settle in a way he probably hasn't in a while. things are not okay. they're not okay!!! and they won't be for a while. but in this little moment together in this room where he grew up, he can breathe out the grief. he can share it.

mickey moves to get in bed and ian just makes room, like he always has. but he never blinks. doesn't dare take his eyes off of mickey. it's like he's scared mickey might change his mind, or dissolve right in front of him. is he even really there?

and there's another layer of disbelief here. another layer of grief. mickey milkovich is crawling back into his bed to hold him, and it's like this. it happened like this. everything he's done and suffered and been made to face comes down all at once. he's tired, he's scared. he's sorry. mickey has finally seen the worst of him.

he looks away, and mickey chases after him. i think it's important to mickey here that he lets ian feel him. something about that tactile, grounding comfort. and mickey won't look away either, it's too precious. ian's safe, even if nothing is the same.

and it's here, in these quivering lips and drawn eyebrows...... this is the release. his body and his mind have been through a lot in the last few days. it's as close to cathartic as ian really gets for a while. it's not long before the walls go back up and he's angry. but right now, he brings his hand to hold mickey's wrist, and he lets himself be held.

now.... this face:

this face fucking haunts me. i cannot name this face. what is he seeing here? i imagine it's so hard to see past this moment, into a future he can't name. it's like he's simultaneously feeling mickey there and also completely isolated. i can't explain this face. can anyone else explain this face???

either way, he closes his eyes against it. and you can assume that rest is coming.

with mickey keeping watch.