#alone in a room full of people

[the-forgotten-mind]

I'm alone, in a room full of people, on a street full of broken homes

Alone in a Room Full of People by Blackbear

[steadyastheygrow]

for some reason, one of the things that upsets me most about having dropped out of high school to deal with my mental health is that Ill never get a graduation ceremony, and I’ll never get a prom, or any other graduating activities. My stepmom keeps saying they’ll buy me a dress and that’s nice, but I feel like even that has a time limit, because i don’t think they’ll be willing to buy me a grad dress in a year or two. and even if I do get the dress, what’s the point? I’ll go out to dinner in it maybe, and then that’ll be it. I think the root of it all is how drastically isolated I am from my peers. I feel like such a failure.

[halorvic]

[softhe4rted]

on loneliness jenny slate / japanese breakfast, posing for cars / corinne von lebusa, big glow / dadushin / alejandra pizarnik, tr. me / fka twings, home with you / avocado_ibuprofen / fiona apple, left alone / anne carson, “the anthropology of water”, plainwater / kiki smith, free fall / alejandra pizarnik, diaries

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

Never not thinking about leela being one of the smartest and most competent people in a room full of time lords who think she’s useless because she’s human

[deceptive-daydreams]

Eddie letting you release every pent up emotion when you’re with him and he notices you’re visibly just overwhelmed as fuck because life is kicking your ass, I’m talking letting you sob into his shirt, snot and everything, squeezing his hands, encouraging you to throw shit at the wall if you need to, anything to help you release some of the tension that’s built up within you over the past few weeks and then he holds you after while you’re still crying but exhausted so he just lets you sit for as long as you need in his arms while he rubs your back and hides you in his chest away from all the bad and scary things 🥲

[familyvideostevie]

if you don’t cry on your walk home from the bar are you really alive

[dykedivorce]

The Auditors | Episode 8

[aropride]

im going to start sobbing audibly

[carefulfears]

what do you think mulder thinks of diana fowley after biogenesis through amor fati? i don't think we really see anything on screen/in text (though i think it says a lot that he didn't have much of a reaction when scully came to his apartment & instead focuses on scully & their relationship lol)

yeah there’s basically NOTHING in the text but tbh i think finding out for certain that she was working with CSM really kindaaaa snapped him out of some things…mulder doesn’t give a fuck what people do to him, obviously, but it’s a different thing entirely to find out that your ex is involved in something like that. like there are MILES from “my partner makes me feel like shit and is maybe pretty abusive” and “my partner is like 3rd on the call list of a eugenics group that treats women like test subjects”

like, scully was right, diana was monitoring MUFON women and collecting data on them. she was heading up the tests on cassandra. she probably knew the truth about samantha the whole time. just nasty nasty shit.

she’s the villain in the amor fati dream: the dismissive symbol of abandonment that offers another path.

one of the most interesting scenes of diana’s character to me, is in the sixth extinction, when she comes to see mulder in the hospital. and she knows what the effects of the artifact are, that he can hear what she’s thinking. that, therefore, he knows who she works for and what she’s doing. (imagine your ex-husband/wannabe boyfriend/obsession finds out you’re lying to him because he can read your mind….shit is crazy!)

and she tells him that she knows he knows. but that he also knows that she loves him.

and she does love him. there’s no reason to lie about that then, she knows he would be able to tell.

scully knows it without hearing it, that’s how she gets diana to save mulder’s life, ultimately. she comes to her and begs. tells her to please just think of him, who he is, who he was when she met him, who he is now. in the end, because of scully weaponizing how diana feels, diana can’t go through with it. she gives her life to help him.

diana seems to be one of those influences on mulder that’s only really all that significant when she’s close by. it’s like how all the tension in the beginning builds up to him getting in her car when she tells him to, leaving scully, when diana is there instructing him.

i think being able to know who she truly was and her true intentions and allegiances, prior to her death, really goes a long way in the way he responds to losing her.

don’t get me wrong, i think he’s upset. you can kind of see the shock cross his face when scully tells him. but he stays focused on his goal, which is to express to scully how important she is to him, in the wake of how discarded diana always made her feel.

mulder loved diana and grieves that she was killed, he doesn’t have it in him not to, but mostly he…wanted something from her, right? he wanted that approval and “affection” and to please her. he wanted her to believe him. the first thing that she says to disarm him (in the end) when she can tell he’s uneasy, is, “hey. i’m on your side.”

learning who she really is, it’s easier not to crave her approval so badly.

(this is the crux of amor fati’s “last temptation.” it’s diana saying: you’re childish. you are going to fail. your path is not your own. “you have to let go, fox.” and it’s scully countering: we need you. this is who you are.)

(it’s why he responds in the end by telling scully that it’s her that’s the voice of truth.)

and then in death, diana’s not…there for him to want anything from!! so it’s like, again, yeah he obviously feels the loss, this was someone who meant a lot to him for over a decade. but also it’s likeeeeee freeing in a way? it makes things simpler in a way? (he’s able to communicate all of that to scully instantly after hearing diana is gone, after over a year of the tension hanging around it)

if you asked him about diana now, or even a year later, i think he’d be like…damn that’s crazy! 😭😭 mulder doesn’t have an awful lot of object permanence you guys sjdjsjfj

when scully comes to tell mulder that diana was killed, and he says to her, “you were my friend, and you told me the truth,” the language matters so much. that’s what scully called diana, “i know she was your friend,” and he turns it back onto her. you were my friend. you told me the truth.

in my opinion, it’s not that he doesn’t love and grieve diana, but that there’s a freedom in knowing the truth. knowing who someone is, and their intentions. knowing who has your best interest at heart. knowing where you stand in the world, what you want to do.

that’s really what allows for the openness and lightness of s7, in the wake of diana’s absence. mulder’s always seeking, always learning.

[ripromulus]

it has been so real fellas o7

[delicatetaysversion]

just found out that instead of my mom my fucking shitass dad is coming home FOR A WEEK

[grislyintentions]

Mini HC: Being that she is unable to experience fear beyond biological responses (increased heart rate, hypervigilance etc) that can be easily replicated with a substitute (ie: adrenaline producing activities), Kafka is fascinated with people who are clearly desperate/passionate.

She will never be able to fully comprehend what it's like to be so afraid of or desperate for something that would prompt someone to take radical action. Not because she doesn't want to understand, she does logically process it and isn't incapable of extending sympathy to some degree, she just doesn't 'feel' it. So she finds people who are the exact opposite to be very interesting. People like the Trailblazer, Himeko and even people like Aventurine. In the latter, she doesn't really comprehend why he'd done all that he had done just to 'die', although rationally in terms of schemes, she comprehends how his 'death' would be advantageous.

There is an emotional dissonance, a tiny miniscule gap, she is aware of that sets her apart from people. Something she can never cross or achieve but through interacting with others and fulfilling Elio's script, maybe one day she will be able to fully experience the ability to 'value' life.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

I think the Rugrats strategy is the key to parenting. You just get four or five friends you trust in a five-mile radius of each other, and then you've got a support group and a backup babysitter at any given point of time, and your kids have someone to grow up with... I think that's honestly how it's supposed to work

[butch--dean]

there is truly nothing worse than trying to be brave and going to do something alone bc you have no one to do things with and instead of it working it makes you feel 10000000000 times more lonely

[revrads]

AU where Dougal is a Werewolf 

(aka, basically everything is the same except Dougal gets a bit fluffier at night)