#alone in thought;; musings

[ride-a-dromedary]

I'm thinking about Wyll/Halsin rn…

Two men with endless patience and wells of kindness within them; who have been hurt time and time again but continue to be gentle and jovial. Who were forced to grow up before their time, and take care of themselves without that same expectation of others. Who hold levels of insecurity so deep within that it has taken root there. Who feel the need to protect, but who protected them?

If anyone could make Halsin see the beauty in Baldur's Gate, it's bright eyed Wyll. And when Halsin murmurs “My hero,” eyes wide and adoring, it is without a lick of insincerity. 

They both want to be dads - and they would be such sweet ones together! Gentle parenting squared. Wyll is the one I could see joining Halsin in Reithwin and rebuilding. There is a lot of potential!!

[viperwhispered]

I don't know about you, but I find shared baths deeply intimate. Mostly cause first you have to be very comfortable with the person you're bathing with and there's an intense feeling of safety that you boundaries will be respected.

Apply this to Jamil who is arguably the most paranoid man in all of TWST. Imagine he and his s/o are getting serious and Jamil is finally starting to really open up. It's also the stage where things are getting steamier, so to speak.

As both a sign of trust and a way to get used to each others naked bodies, the couple starts bathing together. The physical vulnerability of it since their both nude is further amplified since they have to wash/touch each other. That in itself requires a lot of trust.

Just imagine this: gently applying shampoo into Jamil's silky hair while he rants about his day, slowly revealing more about his past and insecurities. Then they switch and now the reader is the one opening up about their struggles while Jamil massages the soap onto their back. Kissing any scars they might have, talking about the most random things, playing with the water, and just enjoying this moment between Jamil and his beloved. Jamil is just so busy that he relishes being able to just enjoy their presence close to him.

There's also a strong desexualizing element. Jamil and the reader likely grew up with a notion that nudity is embarrassing and should only happen with a sexual partner. While this statement is technically true, they aren't in a sexual situation. They're trusting each other to respect their boundaries in such a way that the way they view each other goes from "potential sex object" to "a body that so happens to belong to my dearest".

Which further adds to my hot take of the "If evil why hot" route with OB!Jamil being pre-relationship.

Also, fun concept: washing away blot.

Imagine they're at the very end of the overblot Jamil boss fight. The phantom is defeated but there's still some blot left. So the reader pushes him into the river created by Kalim and holds him there as the water washes away the blot. When he starts calming down, they gently start rubing the blot off. Slowly trekking their fingers through his hair as the snakes dissappear. By the end they're left with an exhausted sulky wet Jamil. The reader then kisses his forehead as they wrap a towel around him.

Aww there definitely is a lot of potential for sweetness with stuff like this. I mean, having someone wash your hair, cleaning up together… It really can feel so intimate and vulnerable.

Now, I feel like I should add the caveat that I'm Finnish, so I'm fairly used to seeing other people's bodies in the sauna, for example, and the whole concept of nudity = sex is not quite so strong for me, personally. (Though personally I'm not likely to go to a mixed sauna, especially with strangers, but still.) So my perspective for the nudity aspect may be a little bit different, though I do definitely agree with these scenarios being intimate and potentially vulnerable. Like, you really do need to let your guard down to let someone see you bared like that, no hiding behind your clothes (or status) or anything else. Just, people, together.

Which definitely ties into that whole opening up for each other. We always tend to say that people are equal in the sauna, and it (perhaps surprisingly) is a good place for those deep, intimate conversations. So I can definitely see that same vibe for this bathing together, too.

Also just, the thought of squeezing into the tub together, trying to figure out how to adjust everyone's limbs and bodies so that you're both comfortable in there (and covered by water enough to actually get to enjoy it). One of you wrapping your arms around the other, holding them close, it's just… So sweet, and intimate, and also you kind of have to be “normal” about it to make it work (I don't really have the words for these vibes, just, yes it's intimate and vulnerable but at the same time you kinda just have to treat it as a normal thing if it's gonna work).

Just eugh I love this concept so much.

(Also now I'm definitely wondering how the twst guys would feel about sauna, perhaps even with the whole “run off naked to the lake to cool off a bit and then go enjoy some more heat” extra shebang.)

Oof that washing off blot, though… Oh it's going straight for my heart 😭 Just the whole I'm still here for you, I'm here taking care of you, let's wash away what happened (both literally and figuratively). Oh boy what a concept ripe for being picked apart.

(Also for some reason it's making me think of like washing off bodies for funerals, but in this particular case more in the sense of washing off the old self / what happened, something to allow rebirth or something. Or like, this could've destroyed him, but didn't. Idk, there's just so much one could do with this. Maybe it's just the talk of being washed in a river specifically that's making me think of like Lemminkäinen’s mother and all sorts of stuff.)

[prettyinpunk]

oh abso XX is out? no way...

[aparticularbandit]

honestly, i don't think sayori submitted that new poem to monika.

i think that's completely out of character for sayori to submit it. to write it, less so, but to submit it into a public forum where so many of those people would read it? from a character who has been hiding her depression for who knows how long because she didn't want anyone to worry?

sayori would not have submitted that poem.

monika put that poem there.

and like - this is one of my things with the common interpretation of monika killing sayori, but like. she did not. she did not want that. i don't think you can read any of her actions and think she wanted any of that.

but monika expects the player to check on sayori. monika berates the player for not checking on sayori. (i'm not sure how much monika understands about what choices the player has and does not have at this point.) monika literally makes the player go back to check on sayori by putting that poem in there.

the player never has a choice either. whether to go check on sayori or not.

and monika changes the narrative and sends the player back by putting in a poem that sayori would never have submitted.

[yeonban]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOBIAS! (24.05)

@effigist asked: / Tobias bday festivities ! this got long . my bad bestie

ash lingers in dark shadows cast down from the buildings surrounding the big celebration’s location , vigilantly observing from outside rather than daring to step in . he heard about tobias’ birthday a few days prior from some of his blabbermouth men who had timidly asked their leader if they could attend the big party dedicated to no other than the sharpest thorn in ash’s side . he responded with a dismissive scowl , grumbling something like do whatever the hell you want , while doing his best to seem as disinterested as possible . last thing he wanted was for the men to think he would be attending that hellish celebration - god , no , he’d rather get himself thrown in the slammer just to avoid it . in great contrast to his apparent dislike for the celebration , he nonetheless loitered outside for a good hour after showing up towards the end of the celebration , remaining out of sight until groups of people filed out from the doors &. ash concluded it was finally coming to its rightful end . about time . only when the detested birthday boy enters his line of sight , does the lurking predator step out from the shadows . though , instead of attacking or otherwise antagonizing tobias , he merely walks with an air of leisure &. casualty a teenaged gang leader had absolutely no business maintaining , before stopping at the dark haired teen’s side .

❝ you tired of gettin’ pampered like a snobby princess , yet ? ❞ a playful smirk tugs at the blonde’s lips , implying he must be in a decent mood . gingerly , his arm lifts &. stretches over tobias’ shoulder , although no contact is made . he merely keeps his limb hovering just above the point of contact , but close enough to where any bystander from a distance would be fooled . swiftly , ash’s nimble fingers drop a little plastic card into the other’s chest pocket . It’s a library card . ash is more than aware that the man could easily access any book of his choosing with his status , connections , money , &. influence , but he paid it no mind . once the sneaky exchange is completed , his arm lowers , but not before giving a slightly - too - hard - to - be - considered - a - pat smack into the back of tobias’ shoulder . ❝ better be careful around my guys until the clock strikes midnight , cinderella . they’ll give a loser like you a beatin’ for every year you’ve been alive . ❞ they won’t .

The birthday boy is one of the last to exit the building, animatedly chatting up the few who have chosen to continue their conversations with him even after the party has ended, and it's only when they're stepping down the outer stairs and the teen can feel a distant gaze intently focused on him that he steadily shepherds the guests towards the end of the conversation, shaking their hands and waving them goodbye before glancing in the direction of the gaze. Whatever he may have expected it to be caused by --- an ambush on his birthday or an informant returning to report their findings; the sight of Ash Lynx willingly approaching him had certainly not been it.

Tobias' expression doesn't change much, yet the surprise is apparent enough if one knows where to look for it. It hides in the sudden blink and the lingering stare as the blond threads closer, it crawls in the unspoken but palpable question of what's going on and in the quick yet subdued glance behind Ash as if to check whether the blond has either been coerced into it or sought him out with an urgent purpose in mind. Grey eyes return to look into the jade pair and yet none of these possibilities seem to have quite hit the mark. Ash's smirk isn't gloomily sarcastic nor does his body language speak of anxieties or woes, and there is nothing whatsoever to indicate that he's come here in a hurry. If anything, he appears to have either been on a stroll to this location, or been hiding nearby for a while.

Tentatively testing the waters, Tobias' lips curl into a matching grin, carefully watching each of the gang leader's movements. ❛ Ash? You could've told me you were dropping by, you know. I'd have ditched the others way earlier if I'd known you're around. ❜ The subsequent close proximity is as shocking as the other's presence near the celebration's location and Tobias almost opts to jokingly remark on it when the corners of his eyes catch a glimpse of a thin card delicately sliding into his chest pocket. Hm...? ❛ What, you got me a gift, too? ❜ This may have counted as a teasing comment had the exchange taken place on another day and for the first few seconds Tobias even means it as such, but with Ash's jesting and the deliberate secrecy surrounding the gift-giving, as if this display of cordiality has the potential to be ruinous to the blond's image, Tobias can't help but reach into his pocket and bring the alleged present into his field of vision. A gift? Really?

He doesn't bother inquiring from where Ash has learned of his birthday, he'd expected as much with anyone worth their damn being able to find out about it one way or the other, but the sequence of events following that has barely been considered a priori, imagined as unlikely from the get go and thus unworthy of being thought about; yet it appears his calculations have, shockingly enough, been slightly off the mark. He'd figured Ash would accept hanging out with him if he approached the blond after the fussy festivities were wrapped up (if begrudgingly so), but had he misjudged how challenging it would be for them to reach this point of vague friendship, back during their first few meetings? Or had Ash just coincidentally felt generous on this occasion?

The library card that graces his eyes once he fishes the present out of his pocket might seem as nothing much to most in his position, but Tobias grows troublingly quiet at the sight, the grin on his face slowly dissipating into a thin line; neither annoyed, nor upset --- but rather, cognizant. Under normal circumstances it would take nothing more than a name and an address for such a plastic card to be issued, and it could very well pass as a friendly insult, jokingly implying the receiver should open a book for once, but in their situation it's a calculated effort, and quite an effort he's sure it has been. False identities such as his own come bearing little documentation, or if there is any available it certainly wouldn't be at everyone's discretion, so the existence of a library card with Tobias' name on it hints at a far grander and more complicated process than the regular person would give it credit for, and it seems the blond has deemed him worth the trouble, despite the older teen having indirectly offered Ash a way out of the mandatory gift-giving by not inviting him to the celebration.

Yet perhaps even more baffling still is another minor detail, something so subtle that it would have passed entirely unnoticed had it been anyone but Tobias attempting to grasp its meaning, or had he not been as attentive to Ash's lifestyle and habits as he chose to be. A detail he is more than certain represents a major step in their relationship, and one which signifies a degree of trust (whether conscious or subconscious) that he hasn't been expecting to receive for at least another year of incessantly bothering the blond. Being offered access to Ash's last safe haven, by the gang leader himself.

The silence continues while Tobias stares at the gift in muted incredulity, unsure of how exactly to react to any of the rapid fire surprises this simple choice of presents has flooded him with. Is it a code for something? No, Ash seems to be having a good day, there is probably no reason for him to ask Tobias to meet him at the library for a secret conversation. If so, is he going to request or demand something? No, also unlikely given the ease with which Tobias already offers him everything. There'd be no point in going the extra mile for something he could receive for free while doing nothing.

Is Ash really just reaching out to him of his own volition? That almost seems more doubtful than the previous possibilities, but unless the younger teen is a greater actor than all of the ones Tobias has met... he doesn't seem to be the sort to harbor ulterior motives or take advantage of others without first being given a reason to; and the orphan would like to think he hasn't done anything egregious enough to the gang leader or his men to warrant that. Ash's honesty is one of the traits he values about the other, after all (quite the rarity in their field of work, for better or worse) and what a shame it would be for him to senselessly lose the privilege of knowing for a fact that Ash's words and behaviors are always connected to the definitive truth.

Although there is an ongoing dispute in his mind, Ash's remark doesn't pass by unnoticed; bringing a familiar tint of amusement in the otherwise uncertain state of affairs. Paired with the quizzical gift in hand, it brings the smirk back onto Tobias' face, if a tad more hesitant than it had been before, and it prompts him to turn to look at the other again. How should he react now? Where do they stand, if not where he'd thought they did? Should he wait and see, or should he outright ask? ❛ ......Then, prince charming, how about you act as my bodyguard 'til I'm safe from harm and ready to depart? Midnight is still a long way off, but surely your macho men won't think to lift a finger on someone as frail as me with you around to keep them at bay, ❜ Perhaps slowly prodding is the way to go, if he's learned anything from Ash's lethal allergies to appearing vulnerable. He'll always have the time to ask later, if the moment is ever opportune enough, and maybe there won't even be a need for that after observing Ash's behavior for a while longer.

Lifting his free arm, Tobias leisurely brings it 'round the lynx's shoulders as the other had done to him prior, except he lets his arm come into contact with Ash's shoulders while slowly poking him with the library card present in the other hand. It's a blithe touch, one blatantly meant for gauging where he stands with the other rather than an attempt at rudely breaking into his personal space, and one he had been very careful not to engage in prior to this day despite physical contact being the brunette's go-to when interacting with practically everyone else.

However... with all of the surprises already sent his way, and particularly so with the confounding (albeit indirect) openness Ash has showed him today, it might as well be the best moment to check what boundaries he's currently kept at, and figure things out from there. Will he be shrugged or pushed off as he'd previously figured it'd happen, or will Ash allow him this sort of friendly touch, and surprise him for a fourth time? ❛ And while you're at it, how about you show me to the library, too? I could use some new book recommendations. Who knows, maybe you'll even find that I'm a pretty good reading buddy to have. ❜ The request can easily pass as a debonair way of bringing Ash along for the ride, but with the lengths Tobias has gone to not encroach into the library for as long as it had been Ash's turf, the assistance with maneuvering inside the humongous building might actually be helpful.

[maxgicalgirl]

So Lubelle’s implication that Cecil’s worldview is fucked up feels very much like the early fan theories that Nightvale is all in Cecil’s head. Don’t know if that’s the direction they’re actually going with this, but it feels relevant. Anyways that’s my 2 cents this episode.

[taralen]

Mystery Solved

The love letter mystery has been solved.

💔 In abject misery. 💔

There is no happy ending to this story, but there is a slight sliver lining, a lingering cord from the wrong line that will stay tethered to my [[SOUL]] for as long as my love lasts.

Thanks to everyone who supported me through this. It was fun while it lasted, heh.

I [Die] EVERY DAY, EVERY DAY I FEEL LIKE I'M [Dying]. AND MY INSIDES TURN A LITTLE MORE [black and charred].

[southeast-northwest]

the concept of a best friend is so foreign yet so funny to me

ive never had a "ride or die" kind of bestie that's a trope in media, but recently I was having dinner with some friends and the concept just kinda came up.

If I were to take the phrase "best friend" literally - the person out of all my friends whom I am the closest to would fit that bill, right? but she has closer friends than me so in the most literal sense, I am not my best friend's best friend.

and i honestly am not only ok with that, but I couldn't care less. we are still good friends, and nothing can change that

[theramblingnerd]

favorite words "nobody's you" & srsly NOBODY IS YOU! no matter if u have the same name same looks same background same job same hobbies bcoz it's never one thing it's everything u do intervined so intricately & beautifully with ur perspective & thoughts that nobody can ever be you

[poet-with-a-quill]

The first time you travel alone will never leave you. Everything will stay right there forever, will always color your senses. Things will zig-zag after that, and double-back and cartwheel, and you will become unrecognizable very soon. It will stay with you, that sense of being by yourself, of realizing how small you are. One day you'll find yourself crying at an airport terminal, and you'll wonder how it happened, how you can be so young while being so old.

-shums

[itisthevelaness]

Self care is lying on the grass amidst the flowers and never getting up.

[prettycoloursblackthoughts]

I stayed when it was hard so you wouldn’t have to feel the pain of having being left. Only to now receive the same pain from you. The very same I sheltered you from. The pain I endured so you wouldn’t suffer. Is this love?

Shame on you.

[reginrokkr]

On one last note before going to nap, there's been something in my mind lately that for the sake of transparency I want to share. Sometimes I struggle with guilt for being unable to provide to everyone the same quality of writing equally, even more so these days when I'm busier. Which in turn blocks me from writing even with who I'm closest due to this guilt. So in order to get out from this kind of writing slump, I'm announcing that for the time being I'll focus my limited time (be it due to energy levels, business or something else that unfortunately doesn't depend on me) on those I talk with the most, either OOC wise or plotted with. Part of the reason why is because being the character Dain is, it's admittedly hard to come up with interesting ideas that work both ways for too many characters, sadly. And this would have greater chances of success via plotting, but I'm also aware that not everyone can due to their circumstances, which is okay. So this is where I'll be drawing my line, as there is as much that I can do and it's better than doing nothing at all.

[aquilamage]

I don’t have anywhere to go with it but I’m very compelled by the idea of Vi lying about her age to the explorer’s association

[revengesworn]

anyway i am thinking about mikey again you guys. mikey and the lack of agency in his own life. mikey the invincible, the "strong", who in the end was the weakest one of all. mikey who was cursed by a force he couldn't hope to fight, punished for a crime that wasn't even his own, with no choice but to fall into darkness and rely on others again and again to be saved... despite the fact that all he ever wanted was to be the one to protect them. i am thinking about him.

[lanternsong]

was just watching the little making-of from the over the garden wall dvd (which you too can watch here, you're welcome) and noticed something that got my brain whirring. they show a page of script with some draft lines for adelaide's conversation with beatrice and this line stood out to me:

ADELAIDE: I WANT A CHILD SERVANT! MY HORRIBLE SISTER HAS ONE, AND I WANT ONE TOO! (ALT) MY HORRIBLE SISTER HAS ONE AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN NEED ONE!

she's referencing auntie whispers and lorna! in the final version of the script, adelaide never alludes to them, though whispers tells wirt and greg to beware of her sister adelaide (an episode too late). and i just think it's interesting because while it's unnecessary info and that's probably why it was cut, it tells use a lot about adelaide that she sees lorna as auntie whisper's servant and not, as lorna herself puts it, her family.

i mean we never learn in the show how lorna ended up living with auntie whispers, but i've always parsed it as lorna being her ward and patient both; whispers is magically treating the symptoms of her "illness" with the bell, and that's why when the spirit is banished from lorna, whispers mourns that lorna "won't be needing old auntie whispers anymore to look after [her]." and of course lorna very sweetly refuses that idea and affirms they are family, and they hug, so we know that just like appearances were deceiving as to who was the "people-eater," the appearance of lorna wanting to escape her auntie was also deceiving. she just wanted to not be trapped, to have companionship and freedom. but now that she can have it, we realize there's no entrapment in their home at all, only a difficult love for one another!

the fact that adelaide doesn't understand their relationship at all and only sees lorna as a servant, or, interpreting further, as a luxury item that whispers has while she does not... it reveals a lot about her coldness and cruelty! the final script of this scene obviously bursts the "good woman of the woods" bubble pretty quickly as it is, but how telling this glimpse into her mind would have been! it immediately clues us in on her envy, her lack of love, her petulance. also this would have been in ep. 6, before the audience meets lorna or whispers, so it would have been a little foreshadowing of the subject of the next episode!