#also I just fucking love liminal spaces so much it’s like one of my biggest interests

[insanesonofabitch]

Holy fucking shit I’m actually quite new to this fandom and I’m just learning about suptober and the first theme is LIMINAL. LIKE???? I’ve been thinking about depicting God killing quite literally everyone in season 15 as exactly THAT. Like the finale sucked ass but that had SO MUCH POTENTIAL. Like imagine how that would be for a normal, random person with absolutely no knowledge about the fact that God is killing everybody, before they themself gets killed, too. The horror of waking up and seeing familiar places without the people in it, while it still seems like everybody was just there (because they quite literally were just there). Water still running. Cars on the road. Food on the table. And yet absolutely nobody there. Then they start to realize that maybe, they’re all alone.

[autobot-ratchet]

Lost Light 16-18

Lost Light 16

simultaneously really funny and sad how happy Cyclonus is to realize that he's dead

dfjks poor Magnus, Roddy went and made him think he was number one on his emergency contact list

Ten is so sweet... I hate that he had to die but at least he was the happiest he could've been

poor Ratchet's going through it lmAO on the one hand watching him get owned is funny because he's always been so rude with his atheism but on the other hand if I was made to think I was dead and sent to the afterlife and said afterlife turned out to be a cloudy paradise in the sky ruled by an old bearded white man dressed in some robes or something I think I would go completely fucking ballistic for so many reasons with so many complexities I won't even try to get into it here lmAO so I get his pain

“I think it's because I'm more attuned to liminal space; more adept at straddling multiple planes of existence.” okay yeah yeah, funny hippy say silly words but like. What if he is though lmfAO because how else is he getting all these future visions

Brainstorm's disaster warning machine just casually overheating, I'm sure it's fine

“I knew you'd find me.” ooouuUUOUOGOHFGfhd

love that Whirl using the power of spite is what gets Rodimus back on his feet

“This can't be how it ends. And you know why? Because the Lost Light is still out there- with the wrong captain at the helm.” that's fuckin RIGHT god this is still so validating to read lmAO like I said before for issue 12, the mutineers can't be the ones to finish the quest simply because Fuck That, me and Roddy are on the same wavelength

LOVE Rodimus just being like “sup fellas” when summoned by the guiding hand lmAO

Lost Light 17

aww Magnus just wanted his brother to be proud of him

Love Lug and Anode continuing to do crime in the afterlife

gfdsjka poor Drift immediately assuming he's gonna get divine punishment

love the parallel between Mortilus and Megatron here

“Because that's where everyone is happiest. My crew. My friends.” aaaaaaAAAWWWWUUGHUGHGFUHGSDJ RODDYYYYYYYY ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

aww, Cyclonus and Tailgate FINALLY having that talk thank god

oof, this Mederi facility is pulling out all the stops to get Brainstorm and Nautica to stop investigating, just reopening all those old wounds... or in Nautica's case, trying to

ghjdsfk I like Drift telling Ratchet he believes he can see the writing even if Drift himself can't and Ratchet being like “that's very sweet but also fuck off with that”

hilarious that Nightbeat dies immediately after figuring out the mystery behind Rung's alt mode and what he truly is because on the one hand, I'm glad he's finally happy, he's got the answer to one of the biggest mysteries under his belt but also get back here and tell me what you know and also maybe don't die about it

oof urgh ouch, having Nautica treat (a facsimile of) Skids like he's practically a stranger hurts, like yeah I get that it's how we start to see through the facade but. That's your man........

these dumbasses have just been stuck in this room this whole time

Lost Light 18

I fucking completely forgot about the Chromedome/Rewind/Dominus/Alternate Rewind polycule lmFAO poly rights and also wow we are just grinding the “Rewind cares more about Dominus than Chromedome, it has to be one or the other they can't coexist” take into fucking dust, thank god

love how often speedsters get thrown in this comic, just fuckin toss that guy like a fastball

Scavengers just having a vocal stim moment, welcome back fellas

“-And religion-wise I don't so much lack faith as actively hate god-” lol. Lmao even. He doesn't even know God is one of his only true friends, barely ten feet away from him

“Death or damnation, Ratchet- Are you sure it's worth it?” and he immediately breaks the shit lmAO I know the easy answer as to why he did is because he's stubborn and contrarian but I think it's more because he started to work out where exactly we were. Like sure on some level it was about disproving that this was the afterlife, but I don't think he did it in direct response to Drift in that moment as like a “fuck you,” he just wanted the truth

aww man Mederi latched onto Cyclonus's desires because he wanted to go to the afterlife to see Tailgate again more than anything... gOD........

okay, so there are multiple Mederis, like the one Velocity was working at, but THIS one is the very first one and the only one that's a euthanasia clinic, understood

damn we're just getting gut punch after gut punch, we're not dead so all our dead friends we met back up with are going to disappear, Axe and the rest of the Circle of Light got euthanized, this is where the matrix map lead us, to a straight up fake utopia, and the Knights of Cybertron are long dead, bam, quest over and you have nothing to show for it

oooOOHH CYCLONUS HONEY........ the blow is mildly softened because I know this Tailgate is real but for this one page oof oughfgdfj my poor man is in shambles

I like how we get to enjoy our small victory for all of ten seconds before sparkeaters start raining from the sky

[lilaclunablossom]

The Shining Review

So for the last 3 days of October I wanted to watch some of the biggest movies on my marathon list, and put the reviews out before the others in my backlog, to sort of celebrate Halloween with a few of the more famous movies. And I began on the 29th with The Shining.

Kubrick is one of my favorite directors, disregarding who he was as a person. I’d only seen 2001 and A Clockwork Orange before this, but both of those movies completely changed my life, and I believe 2001 is the best live-action movie ever made. But yes, I’d never seen this movie from beginning to end before. Can’t call me a fake horror fan though, because I’ve seen it now :D 

I’m sure everyone knows the plot – a man named Jack takes a job looking after a hotel while it closes for the cold season, takes his family with him, and goes insane from isolation and/or souls of dead people haunting the hotel. Oh, and his son Danny can telepathically communicate with people, and see the future… because it’s a Stephen King story. Duh.

The main themes people usually take away from the story are isolation, alcoholism, and child/family abuse (possibly caused by alcoholism). It also contains many hints about white peoples’ oppression of other races, and a theme of lost passion/disillusionment, which is obviously a reflection of King’s feelings of burnout with his writing at the time. Honestly, none of these themes ended up emotionally affecting me very much on first watch, but they’re still there, and the movie is such a trippy, immersive experience that it didn’t matter.

As expected, the cinematography is perfect. Every single shot has perfect composition, and the camera movement is fucking nutty. It’s my favorite aspect of Kubrick’s movies. Apparently for the scenes where Danny is riding around the hotel on his trike, Kubrick used a newly-developed camera harness to be able to film a continuous shot for so long, while being so close to the ground. The sound design in these sections is amazing too, with the sound of the wheels changing as he rolls over floor mats. There’s also lots of symmetry used in the shot composition, which cleverly expresses the 2 parallel worlds the hotel contains.

However, the thing that’s most impressive to me is how the hotel is set up – it’s literally impossible to comprehend. You’ll see characters go into a room, then later go into another room that WOULD be in the exact same spot as the other room. You’ll see hallways that don’t realistically lead anywhere, because there’s a wall or a room where they SHOULD lead. Lots of shit like that. This must’ve taken TONS of time for the set designers to plan and set up, and it’s just ridiculous how much it adds to the feeling of disorientation and liminality. And yes, this movie feels SO liminal it’s crazy. I’ve been a huge fan of liminal spaces for a long time, and NO movie I’ve seen has captured liminality as perfectly as this one does. I love how the time-jump screens jumpscare you, too.

The music is also great, done by Wendy Carlos (one of the most legendary electronic musicians ever born) and Rachel Elkind.

I’ve always gotten weird vibes from Jack Nicholson. I don’t know why, I just don’t really like the way he comes off. However, that turned out to be perfect for this movie. He’s trippy, terrifying, and pulls out an INSANE amount of technical acting ability, with some of the most expressive facial acting I’ve ever seen. So… credit where credit’s due, you weirdo.

But, then obviously there’s Shelley Duvall. I don’t say “but” because of her acting ability – she’s incredible – but her role as Wendy has become possibly the most infamous case of an actor being abused by a director, ever. Kubrick constantly screamed at her and harassed her, and even encouraged Jack Nicholson to do the same thing. Also, for the scene where Jack threatens her while they walk up a staircase, he made them do 127 takes. 

It’s a little less well-known, but Kubrick was also horrible to Scatman Crothers; for the scene where his character explains Danny’s shining ability, he made them do 148 takes, and apparently it holds the record for the most takes ever shot for a single scene… I know Kubrick was VERY obsessive about quality, and in Shelley’s case all of these things might’ve been done to make her appear more exhausted/terrified for the role, but it’s completely inexcusable. Just like Tippi Hedren in The Birds, Duvall and Crothers deserve HUGE credit for delivering badass performances under those conditions.

Amazing movie. One of the most stunningly visceral, immersive experiences I’ve ever had with a work of art, just like 2001 and A Clockwork Orange. I just wish it didn’t cost Duvall and Crothers their mental health to make it.

5/5

[prettyboykatsuki]

extended authors note for “the liminal space between love and lonely” 

the pinterest board | the spotify playlist

✫ cw ;; me being super emotional, personal feelings you might not care about, but also general warnings and thoughts about this indepth analysis of a character! be forwarned! 

you know how sometimes you don’t really write a story and it just kinda.. comes out of you? 

well! that was this. i think i started this thing? at the beginning of this week and it’s been a rollercoaster! been a weird and fucked up week where i felt weird and fucked up. i cried a lot like a little hermit and screamed about deku and got really sad over him etc. there’s a lot i want to say because this is 1. my longest fic to date 2. the only fic of this length that i’ve ever written in one sitting without breaking to write something else. 

this fics main and most central theme is loneliness,  at the very least - how people cope with loneliness and busy-ness and the general. without getting into excessive detail - life is very lonely lately. its probably the first time in my life ive let myself admit that and this was truly an exploration. exploring loneliness through deku, which is why so much of this story is in his pov

i think one of dekus biggest flaws is that sometimes his sense of justice runs so deep, that he unconsciously seperates himself from others and doesn’t know how to see people with agency. he gets caught up in the version of him that supposed to exist instead of the one that does and he isolates himself from others. from love. i think sometimes deku forgets he’s a person and that’s a very lonely way to live.

the connection between the two of them is very central to the idea that sometimes there are people who sort of just work out, and that reader is so far removed from deku - he finds it easy to be with her. i could probably go on and on about deku and how i feel about him but the fic is there. im mostly just here to say this fic is very special to me. i’ve put a lot myself into it so if you read it, and hate it - please choose kindness and be nice about it. i care about this fic a lot so im asking nicely <3 

if you read this far, congrats! u win nothing i dnt think but i appreciate you. very, very extra special thanks to the bubblepop server generally for being so fucking welcoming of me and my shy and miserable ass (all of u, ALL OF U) (<333) but especially @cyancherub​ for staying up at night and sprinting with me, @katonshoko​ and @a-shy-blueberry​ for betaing my fic in an insane amount of time holy shit you are a lifesaver for me. i appreciate you so SO much it makes me sick. 

show kindness and i hope this fic makes you feel a little less lonely <3 

[birthdaysentiment]

hi its the anon that asked for fic recommendations! I’ve read some of them and IM IN LOVE so if you have more (with any storyline) I’d like to read them as well 🥰

hiii anon! i'm so happy you liked the fic recommendations. all of them is some of my personal favorites, so i was happy to share them with you. oml of course! i love talking about fics, so i would love to recommend more. i made a list underneath (because it got pretty long...), and i've tried to divide them as good as i could into tropes to make it a little easier. hope you’ll enjoy these fics too! ✨

robbe and sander: strangers to lovers (multi-chapter fics)

l. rotten work by aholynight on ao3. this is a complete fic with 5 chapters and it’s one of my all-time favorites. i've read it so many times, and it was also one of the first fanfictions i ever read. just the fact that robbe is a fire breather in this is enough to make it absolutely amazing, and just every chapter is so good and you just keep wanting more. there’s so much tension between robbe and sander and ahhh it’s just so good, i want to read it again!

ll. the night we met by @bxbyi (themoongirl on ao3). another complete fic, this time with 7 chapters with robbe as a writer. it’s such a sweet little detail, and i love it so much, because it sort of helps robbe to deal with some of the things he’s going through, and idk i just love the idea of robbe as a writer. the fic is also centered around liminal spaces and insomnia and how robbe and sander sort og bonds over it. again, another one of my favorites

lll. paint me in trust by @bxbyi (themoongirl on ao3). a complete fic with 7 chapters and vampire!sander that you never know you needed. this fic kinda has everything in terms of fluff and angst, and the fluff in the last chapters is just so good that i often go back to read it, just to jet my fix lol. the relationship between robbe and sander is so good and it’s so nicely written and another favorite of mine, because it’s so ahhh!

llll. money is (not) everything by @jxoxsxsxi (loenaadamson on ao3). a complete fic with 10 chapters, where sander is the rich kid with all the money and opportunities, but a life with no love and purpose until he meets robbe. this is the kind of fic you can read in a day because its so good. love the banter between them in the beginning and how in love they are. i remember that a chapter was posted every day for 10 days and oml what a ride!

v. the finest of the meadow by allforyoumylove on ao3. a complete fic with 6 chapters and probably one of the softest sobbe fics out there, where robbe and sander fall in love while meeting in a meadow. i love this so much, and everything about it is just so soft and sweet. how they’re both there for each other, how they take care of each other too, and just how amazingly sweet they are. and they’re stargazing, so... yeah that killed me

vl. remember my name by @sobbefairytales (ijzermans on ao3). another complete fic with 9 chapters and another personal favorite. who knew the reveal of a name could mean so much and possibly change so much for two young boys. this fic is another perfect example of pure fluff and angst and how well balanced it is. every chapter left you hanging, just desperately wanting to read the next one. it was such a journey and i still remember how empty i felt when i had read the last chapter. just love this one so much!

vll. swimmer sander by @bijvoorbeeldja - a complete fic here on tumblr with 4 chapters and a epilogue. sander as a swimmer is something i never knew i needed to see, and to have robbe take swimming lessons from sander too... i mean it was everything i wanted and more. this is so sweet and just to see them navigate through their relationship with sander’s carer on the side too. such a sweet fic full of fluff as well

vlll. i see you when you run from the light (within your eyes) by @womenstan (womenstan by ao3). this fic is a work in process, but it already has 2 chapters. this is another example of an au i never knew i needed until i read it, because seeing blind!sander and robbe fall in love is just the cutest thing ever. there’s so much fluff already and i'm so excited for every chapter to come. the way sander ‘sees’ robbe through touch makes me so emotional and ahhh i am already so hooked on this fic

vllll. waiting down at the station by ivy_seas on ao3. another work in process with 2 chapters already. seeing robbe and sander fall in love on a train is the cutest thing ever and when they start to see each other, outside of the train ride, i can just feel my heart starting to become a fluttering mess. it’s such a sweet story and i am so in love with the first two chapters and how the pacing is so far. there’s so much fluff already and we had a little taste of angst, so i'm excited to see what happens next!

x. five out of thirty by @tyrusmwm (tokenmwm on ao3). a work in process fic with a total of 18 chapters so far, where robbe and sander is having a long-distance relationship since robbe travels a lot for work. it’s written from robbe’s point of view in a first person narrator and i love that, because robbe’s thoughts and self-commentary is the best and funniest thing ever. sander is so in love with robbe, where robbe sometimes has a hard time expressing that, even though we know he’s so gone for him. this is a fic i'm always looking forward to reading the next chapter of

xi. ground control to us by @hopelessromanticvirgo. a complete social media au, with a couple of fic-style chapters too. this was one hell of a ride and i remember reading this in “real-time” and oml it was the best thing. it was also the first so/me au i read and i've been hooked on them ever since. sander is a famous singer, who starts to text with his biggest fan, who happens to be robbe, but robbed just doesn’t know it’s sander he’s texting with. there’s so much angst in this oml, but it’s all worth it because the fluff and their relationship is so good

sobbe: established relationship (multi-chapters)

l. to the one i love: fuck you by @hopelessromanticvirgo (reddlene on ao3). a complete fic with 13 chapters and one hell of a roller-coaster ride. i remember reading the first 11 chapters in one day and i didn’t know what to do with myself afterwards. in this fic you never really know what to believe and i love that, how you never really know what is going on until you get the answers. there’s so much angst but the ending is worth it

ll. vrijdag 21:37 by @wasteourdays (wasteourdaysdreaming on ao3) - complete fic with 7 chapters, but there could be more (as far as i understood). its centered around the same party, but in each chapter you see the party from a different characters point of view. this is actually the first sobbe fic i read and i still love it so much. there’s so many amazing scenes in it and all of it is so in character for them. love it so much and it’s just so good!

lll. visitations by @lucidpantone (lucidpantone on ao3) - another complete fic with 6 chapters where it’s sort of an established relationship, but also not, because this fic is quite a journey. it varies between scenes from the present and scenes from the past, but when we don’t know when they are in the past. the past is sort of helping the reader into understanding the present and what is happening, but it’s definitely a fic that gets better the more you read it because you start to understand everything more. it’s just such a good fic!

llll. "do i know you?" by @srta-pepa (srtapepa on ao3) - a work in progress with 15 chapters and only one to go. this fic has been a journey and oml what a ride. robbe lost his memory due to a car-crash and he doesn’t remember his relationship with sander, so already there there’s a lot of angst, but the fluff is there too and oml i am never getting tired of it. it’s such a sweet fic and it makes me sad to think it’s almost over, but i can’t wait for the last chapter either

sobbe: established relationship (one-shots)

l. the sun came up and i was looking at you by allforyoumylove on ao3. one of my all-time favorite one-shots with robbe and sander waking up on a sunday morning, just staying in bed, kissing and cuddling, and of course sander just being sander. love this so much and it’s just so full of fluff and everything you love and hold so close to your heart. i read this on a weekly basic because i just need that fix of sobbe fluff

ll. paper rings by @wlwharrys (thekardemomme on ao3). when sander has a bad day and robbe is just there for him, like he always is. there is so much fluff in this that your heart almost can’t take it, and even though there’s a very light slip on angst, it only makes the fluff better and ahhh it’s the cutest thing ever. sobbe in an established relationship always makes me go through the feels, to see how comfortable and safe they are with each other

lll. fizzy colas by @foxsake5 (foxsake5 on ao3). another one-shot that just makes you smile because it’s so sweet and so... heartwarming in a way. tipsy!robbe is one of my favorites and he’s just the absolute sweetest person on this earth and to see sander be so in love with him only makes it better. who knew a trip to the store to buy some candy could make you feel so much

llll. hold all my cliches on the tip of my tongue by @phascinationphases (nbrook on ao3). a fic that saved us from what happened on valentine’s day and brought back sander’s bleached hair, something that we all are hoping for (but something we’re probably never going to get.. *signs*). this is so cute and full of fluff and banter and teasing and just sobbe being best friends and boyfriends too. and the one-liners sander comes with is enough to make you get through the day

v. one night (and love) so young and beautiful by @birthdaysentiment (birthdaysentiment on ao3... yeah me)... well i had to do a little advertisement for my own little one-shot lol. idk it’s definitely not the best out there, but people who know me, knows how much i need to see robbe and sander make out against a wall and slow-dance together, so i wrote a one-shot about that and just included everything that i love... so yeah enjoy i guess

sobbe: other tropes

l. you're my stars... and everything in between by @robbesdriesen (aurorawinds on ao3). a one-shot with the trope secret relationship (a trope we don’t have enough fics with). this is so amazing and it’s inspired by romeo & juliet so do i even need to say more? they’re so in love and when they’re held back from being together, the angst is just right there, but the fluff that comes after... i mean my heart is melting just thinking about it

ll. just friends by @sincerelysobbe (sincerelysobbe on ao3) - a complete fic with 4 chapters and robbe and sander being friends with benefits, until they realize that they just want to be together. this is such an amazing fic, and to see sander be so head over hells in love with robbe is just the best thing. they’re so sweet together, the way they can’t help but look at each other and just wishing they were more than just friends. i just love it!

lll. this isn't our first time around by noobishere on ao3. one of my favorite one-shots that idk how to explain lol. but it’s just robbe and sander traveling through different alternative universes where they always seem to be together or have some kind of connection, but just not in the one they’re living in, but maybe all the traveling can change that. i love the whole concept of it and it’s just so clever and i need to reread this again asap, because it’s so good

llll. if i asked you first, would you be my prince? by @sonderthroughthestreets and @to-enter-polaris (createdforyou and isaksliveterna on a3). a work in progress with t2o chapters already. i’ve always wanted a ballet!sobbe fic, so when i heard about this fic i was already hooked. in this universe robbe and sander are a part of the same ballet company and they’re both fighting for the same spot in the next big play. it’s an enemies to lovers fic and even though it’s mostly angst right now, i can’t wait for the fluff to take over, because it’s gonna be so good

v. sincerely, always yours by @hopelessromanticvirgo. this is a social media au with a couple of fic-style chapters. this was such an emotional roller-coaster, not just for robbe and sander but also for you as a reader. the lack of communication from them was driving me crazy and the amount of times i wanted to pull my hair out just shows that this au was so good and one you just couldn’t help but get invested in. it’s sort of a best friends to lovers but also with a little enemies in it and just a lot of angst (like so much), but also a lot of fluff, that was just the best!

and... a couple of days ago i made a little overview over some robbe and sander fics with the tropes enemies to lovers and friends (best friends, childhood friends etc.) to lovers too, so if you want to, you can check that out here.

there’s over 800 sobbe fics at ao3 right now and so many drabbles and so/me au’s here on tumblr and all of them are just so amazing! (this is just a little snip of them all), so if you want more recommendations, or more sobbe stuff to read, then go to ao3 (under the sobbe tag) or try and search for them here on tumblr (under sobbe fic or wtfock fic). there’s so many amazing stories and the writers deserves all the credit for them!

so, once again i just want to say a massive thank you to every fic and drabble writer and just to all the content creators, because you keep me alive during this drought and the undeniable lack of sobbe. thank you for blessing me everyday and just thank you for everything you’re doing. sending you all lots of hugs and kusjes! ✨

[blueluneacy]

Familiar Shore

Hey, so this is a commission for the lovey @lliminall! Thank you so much for commissioning me, it means a lot! This is a continuation of Black Ocean, so go check that out if you haven’t! It’s Bruno bucciarati x reader timeeee

Word Count: 2.8k Warnings: kidnapping, suicide, transformations, just general angst and comfort vibes

The ocean no longer had any color. It was like the moment you woke up on this terrible island, most everything lost color, the strange world you now found yourself in feeling small compared to the extent of the Labyrinth you once knew. You tended to sit by the ocean nowadays, watching the fish that swam up to the shores to see the strange being that liked to sit and watch them. When Bruno first dropped you in his little lair, some minor beasts that inhabited the ocean and the island, but it seemed that in the days that Bruno was gone, he quickly straightened them out. This place was strange in the sense that everyone seemed a lot more docile. You supposed that most people would have considered that ocean uncrossable and that the local wildlife wasn’t used to humans like yourself, leaving to strange circumstances, like finding that the many tailed foxes seemed to like your company, or that after giving some of the gray birds some of your dinner, they perched near you and cawed at the beasts that came towards you.

Of course, that’s not to say things were sunshine and roses. For example, Bruno was actually terrible. A few times you had tried to pull together a raft and get back to shore, only from Bruno to simply tear it apart and carry you back to your little island. A paradise, he called it. Yeah, what a paradise. And you had gone to Jurassic measures. You remembered waking up in that cave after doing something terrible, stepping out to find Bruno sobbing over your lifeless body. You actually felt bad enough to sigh, only for Bruno’s new keen ears to pick up on it and lunge back to you, thanking whatever Gods there were looking out for the two of you that they set your spawn to here, that you would be with him, that he wouldn’t lose you. You cursed those same gods.

But for now, Bruno seemed to leave you alone. Whether it was because he understood that you needed space and time to process this, or just because he was busy with who knows what, you weren’t sure. Maybe he needed a steady supply of torture to sustain him. It would make sense, the way beasts seem to just thrive on destroying any human being that they came into contact with. But, there was also another problem, one that plagued you. It had to be a lie, right? Bruno couldn’t have possibly actually… Turned into a beast, right? No, he had to be one beforehand. There’s no way that a human being could turn into a beast, and even so… Why would he? Bruno was kind and caring… Unless he wasn’t. Until he was completely deranged, dragging you under the depths until you passed out. You didn’t like to think about it, didn’t like to think about those eyes. You just closed your eyes, telling yourself in just another minute, you’d walk the fifty feet back to the cave you had now found as your home, finding the stone becoming increasingly more smooth, the terrible thing that was keeping here making it more homey day by day. What started off as a simple cave with furs on the ground now had furniture, actual walls, even a bed. You still preferred to sleep on the floor if it meant it kept Bruno from holding you. It didn’t.

After a few moments and a lot of convincing yourself to get up, solely just to eat and get some rest as you plotted your way out of this mess, you made your way over to the cave only to stop when you heard voices. One of them you recognized, Bruno, but there was someone actually responding to him. You swallowed, unable to help yourself from hiding at the edge of the cave to listen in to what they were saying.

“I just don’t know if I can make it work, is all. I mean, you’ve seen them. They’re horrified of… This.” Bruno spoke out, leaving the other beast just to scoff.

“They’re horrified that you’re no longer human. Something that you can’t change. Do you honestly believe that you can make them separate this idea of who you once were versus who you are now?” The other beast, for what other creature would be able to speak out with such calm in front of Bruno in the state that he was in now, replied, sounding simply skeptical.

“But you don’t understand, it’s not like I’ve changed. I’m still the same person, I just-”

“Happened to have turned into an eldritch horror beyond basic human comprehension now trapped in a liminal space shaped like a labyrinth. Good pitch.” He sounded so curt, leaving Bruno just to huff.

“I don’t know why I even bothered to ask you.”

“Because you knew I would be honest with you. It would be easiest if you just gave up on the human, Buccellati. Humans are odd, fragile, and emotional. You could easily find a nice beast girl to settle down if you really wanted.” He replied, leaving you just to… ponder. You never really thought of beasts actually speaking to each other, much less loving each other.

“You act as though we’re not humans.” Bruno replied sharply, leaving the other beast to sigh.

“You’re not. We’re not. Sure, maybe at one time, but there’s no way back. Who knows, maybe you and Dio can laugh over this one day.”

“He’s on the other side of the Labyrinth. Speaking of which, how are there other Beasts in this territory? I thought it was supposed to be mine.”

“Oh, only stronger beasts deal with things like territory. Pathetic ones like me, we don’t have that luxury. It’s easier to say you’re with the biggest guy in the room than to try and stake out your own claim in the world. Plenty of territories are filled with beasts that simply stick around for protection or just because they feel like it. I’m surprised you don’t have a line out the door with Beasts asking for your blessing to move in, this is prime real estate.”

“They’re too dangerous for my beloved to be around. I’m particular about the things that might feel too comfortable to try and hurt them.”

“If you’re choosey, then you really made a bad choice in letting me stay.”

“You don’t like humans. I figured you didn’t have the spine to break theirs.” You gasped at that, Bruno’s fine tuned ears finally picking up on your listening in to their conversation and standing up.

“Cara, you can come in. It’s rude to listen in.” He called out to you, leaving you to swallow as you stepped out into the low candlelight of the cave, making your way inside. You just stared at the ground, not wanting to respond for fear of… You weren’t really sure. Bruno didn’t tend to get mad at you, but you didn’t know anything about this other beast. When you caught a glimpse of him, you were a bit skeptical. While Bruno tended to hide his more… Er, Inhuman qualities, this other beast had no qualms about being comfortable. You saw how his silvery hair fell over his shoulders, his painted lips barely concealing rows of sharp teeth and neatly done nails actually claws.

“Tesoro, this is Leone Abbacchio. He’ll be staying near the Shore, so you may see him often.” Bruno told you, leaving you just to roll your eyes.

“Oh boy, another terrifying monster I get to live near! I’ll make sure to bake cookies for the house party.” You replied, leaving Bruno’s face just to set into a grimace while Abbacchio just smiled and rolled his eyes.

“I have no interest in humans, and much less one this scrappy.” He replied, standing up. It took a moment for his insult to click, but once it did, you were ready to fucking fight. Would you lose? Probably. But your honor. But, before you could get a word out, Abbacchio just brushed himself off of bits of sand that seemed to stick at his body, and turned to Bruno.

“I’ll let you two have your lovers quarrel in peace.” And with that, Abbacchio quickly was out of there, leaving you alone with Bruno, who just shook his head as he sat down, motioning for you to sit with him. You did not obey.

“Don’t just stand there, tesoro. Perhaps we should talk. I hate the idea that there’s something wrong with our relationship.” Bruno told you, leaving you just to scoff as you crossed your arms.

“It’s fundamentally wrong, because it’s based on a lie. Me being here isn’t because of love! It’s because of… Because you… I’m your prisoner, Bruno!” You didn’t know why tears were welling up in your eyes, why the pain hit your heart as you spoke the truth, but it did. Your dreams of escaping with Bruno to the outside world, outside of this hell, were crushed entirely. Everything was just a wreck, Bruno had lost it, and beyond it all, he still gave you a pang in your heart. Bruno just shook his head, standing up and you released how much taller than you he was. Was he always this much taller than you? Still, it didn’t matter, you didn’t have the chance to step away before Bruno wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight. It was possessive, but his hand came behind your head, pressing your face into his chest. You gasped as you released he still smelled the same as before, of coastal air and cypress.

“I… I don’t care about that, (Y/n). I can’t lose you, not like everyone else. Please, just stay with me. If I lose you, I know… I know I’ll become like the rest of them. Please, I really do love you. Don’t you love me back?” Bruno’s voice was shaking, as if he were about to cry. You had the instinct to try and comfort him, holding yourself back the best you could.

“I… I don’t know anymore. It feels like… I’m haunted by you at this point. This person you once were and the… Thing you are now.” You replied, leaving Bruno just to sigh and let you go.

“I… But I haven’t changed. I haven’t hurt a single human. If anything, I’m safest out here. No one could possibly come out here, it’ll just be you and me. We can make the life you spoke about here, we can get married and have a family-”

“Bruno, no! We can never have that! You know that! Deep down in your heart, you know that just as well as I do, that this will never work! Even before... “ You looked away, hoping to find some sense of reality in a pace that seems to lack it. God, this was terrible. “We were just chasing after affection, weren’t we? Did we really love each other, or were we just so lonely that we didn’t know what to do and threw ourselves at the idea of human contact?” You replied, leaving Bruno to sigh.

“(Y/n), do you remember how you entered into the Labyrinth?”

“I…. What?” That was out of nowhere. You wondered if maybe he was trying to change the subject, but nonetheless, you shrugged and decided to answer.

“I don’t remember. I was walking through the woods one day, and it was like I got lost… Well, lost forever. I don’t really… Know what I did to deserve all of this.” You replied, leaving Bruno to sigh.

“Is there something back in your old life so pressing that you have to return to it? Is the world outside better than something we could build?” Bruno asked. You wanted to argue so bad, but he was right in a way. There really was nothing that you had going for you back at home. You would go back to work, live your boring, mundane life, but…

“You’re holding me hostage here, Bruno.”

“I’m protecting you. (Y/n), there’s no way out of the Labyrinth unless you have someone from the outside to pull you out. There’s no exit. That is the main secret of the Labyrinth.” He told you, his voice serious, and you knew he was telling the truth.

“I-I… T-Then, what were we searching for all that time?! Why were we… What kind of torture is all this?!” You replied, shaking a bit. You didn’t notice the way your hands were starting to fade and distort, but you didn’t care. “What kind of being would create such a terrible place?!”

“I… I don’t know, tesoro. I really don’t know. But… If there’s no one outside looking for you, you have to understand. Travelling back to the main portion of the Labyrinth is…” He didn’t have to say it. It was a death sentence, a world of torture waiting to happen. You just collapsed, feeling yourself collapse into a pile as you sobbed, trying to find some way, some reason for your entire existence here. You wanted to believe this was a lie, you really did, but something about Bruno’s tone.... How did he even learn this? Did that other beast tell him? Maybe it was just a lie that that beasts told, and Abbacchio knew that Bruno would try to be a sap with you. Torture by proxy. But still… Bruno’s hand hit your back, rubbing it gently as he sat down next to you.

“I… I know. Apparently… Every Beast that is in the Labyrinth was once a human being. One that was never saved.” He told you, leaving you just to go silent. You looked at your hands, the twisting of your own flesh and the accenting of claws that you had been telling yourself was just your nails growing jagged from lack of care. You turned to Bruno, lip quivering.

“I’m just haunted by the ghost of the person I thought I loved, and I don’t know if that person truly is you, or if he was killed in the fire.” You whispered, almost hoping that Bruno wouldn’t hear it. He just pulled you closer, wiping away your tears.

“I… I honestly don’t know. I feel like I am the same person, but who knows. I don’t know what has changed about me, and what hasn’t. All I know is… (Y/n), you keep me whole. You keep me… Good. I can’t explain it. I know you loved that person before, but… Could you ever be able to love me too?” He asked, leaving you just to look at the ground.

“I… I think so. I…” Your eyes just welled up with tears again as you grabbed onto Bruno, sobbing. You mourned for him, for yourself, for the hell that dozens were put through.

“What’s going to happen to me, Bru? Am I going to become a monster?” You asked, leaving the man to just pet your hair, hushing you.

“No matter what you become, you’re still going to be mia cara. And I’ll always love you, no matter what. I promise.” He told you. You looked up, letting your hand run along his cheek as you pressed your lips against his for the first time in forever. And he wasn’t warm the way he once was, but the kiss was still real, and his lips were still soft. When he pulled away, Bruno just held you in his arms, the two of you sharing a soft moment as you both tried to process the new reality that had come upon you. This was now the world you lived in, a world of Beasts and humans who would someday become beasts. If there were gods, they were only malevolent.

“I… I really do love you, (Y/n). I want a life with you. Even if it has to be in this hell, I really do mean what I meant. I think we could create a paradise here. A place just for us, forever.” He told you, and in your week state, you just nodded, letting Bruno hold you as you closed your eyes.

“I… I love you too. I’ve always loved you.” You told him, feeling your eyes get heavy as you cuddled up with Bruno. You looked into his eyes again, seeing that blue you had fallen in love with in the beginning, the Fisherman’s son who was determined to get home, with that serious look on his face, but full of hope. His eyes still had hope, though. For some reason, that seemed to comfort you, seemed to make you feel like things… Might be okay. Maybe not now, but someday.

For the last time that night, you dreamed of that idyllic life you once wanted with Bruno, in the old world on the ocean, a family and kids and peace. When you awakened in the arms of the beast, you were finally ready to throw it away.

[skinks]

Do you have any works (i.e.; books, fics, poems, even movies, etc.) that inspire your writing?

ahhh thank you for this question!! I’ve been thinking about it for a few days, sorry this is so long. I hope this doesn’t sound too pretentious either, but who doesn’t like talking about the shit they enjoy?

In terms of the technical aspects, like style and structure, I love really visual and evocative writing. Clive Barker is great. I read a book last year called Days Without End by Sebastian Barry and he would occasionally bust out these fuckin gorgeous metaphors in the middle of the character’s very guileless narration, one that comes to mind rn is a giant herd of American buffalo stampeding over a hill, described as looking like bubbling molasses, and I thought holy shit, what an amazing way to describe something like that.

Then, and I’ve mentioned this a few times, but the Dreamboy podcast has absolutely beautiful writing, it’s lyrical and hilarious and blunt and horny and gross all at once in a way I wish I could do. One great metaphor I remember is describing a driveway as a “gray loaf”. Literally the way we’re introduced to the main character is him describing a recurring dream, with stuff like: “I open my mouth and the icy water rushes in, it hits the back of my throat and zooms down into my stomach. I feel it fill me up, and then it zig-zags its way through my intestines like a cold knife, and just before it gets to the back of my asshole — I wake up. And I throw off the covers and I look down, and my dick... is rock hard. Like — so hard that it’s actually like, bobbing up, and — oh fuck I’m late for work.” I dig those very nasty visceral descriptions of sensations, and how it doesn’t shy away from how bodies react in weird ways to weird things.

structure-wise, I’m really into writing where seemingly insignificant details are revealed to be more meaningful later on, long-form stories where everything fits together neatly. I think that’s why I like heist movies so much, Logan Lucky and Oceans 11 are great. I also like stuff where actions have real consequence, where you actually feel the stakes, y’know?

That last part about stakes doesn’t really apply to ithots because it’s super fluffy, but the small details thing, I was trying to do. I love the writing in shows like Barry and Fleabag for those aspects, or films like Hereditary, or Guy Ritchie’s better gangster movies. I tried to lay some breadcrumbs throughout the fic for stuff I knew I wanted to become significant in the last chapter, like the “you brought me weeds” thing in ch11, or their Olive Garden date in ch2. Or in ch6 at the aquarium there’s a line about Eddie rubbing his right arm if he stays in the pool too long, because I wanted to make a point about it and old breaks later. Richie saying “manhattan’s all shitty and cold this time of year” in ch1, then Eddie saying it again in New York. Everything Eddie talks about in his Big Speech lmao.

Pennywise appears to Richie as a werewolf in the novel (queercoding imo) so I say he feels like a dog “territorial and owned at once” in ch5, “a neglected dog” in ch6, follows Eddie like a dog in ch11 as well as hugging Eddie til he’s “squeaking like a dog toy”, shakes his head like a dog in ch12, feels like a dog with its head out the window, as well as saying his love for Eddie as a kid was “hairy and howling” in ch13, “lycanthropic” in ch15, and THEN it all culminates in him literally howling his love at the moon at the end, because he’s a dawwwwg but he’s a good one. Not a monster.

There’s a lot of that specifically with stuff Eddie says too, because I was kinda trying to show that he listens to Richie and values the stuff he says by having him parrot/emulate him a lot. Richie makes the Tozieritis joke in ch12 and Eddie says “There’s your Tozieritis” later For the Banter. Richie says “pull a groin, then?” in ch14 and that’s what Eddie tells him before the SNL show. Richie says “I’d have made a good cowboy” in ch5, so Eddie starts calling him “cowboy” in bed, the Die Hard quote comes back in ch13. Richie calls the Losers “chucklefucks” in ch9 and that’s the name Eddie calls them when he goes berserk in Atlanta, as well as him doing a Voice, saying “yessir” at the end because Richie says it all the time throughout the fic. And Eddie wearing Richie’s clothes a lot is a physical manifestation of that whole Thing he’s doing, kinda taking small parts of Richie onto himself. In a healthy way ofc.

So yeah, I’m into writing with good continuity, stuff like Archer or Arrested Development is the god tier for good continuity. I really wanted to try to do that.

as for like, mood and tone and visuals, I love surreal/liminal feeling stuff, I like how super hot lazy weather can feel otherworldly. Whatever feeling I get from watching The Green Mile, Donnie Darko, Happy as Lazzaro, Terrence Malick’s The Thin Red Line, or the parts in Ghibli or Makoto Shinkai movies where the cicadas are so loud and everything else is so still because it’s too hot to go outside. That hypnotised feeling. The illustrations in Shaun Tan’s book, Tales from Outer Suburbia, they were hovering in my head a lot, all the gold and long shadows.

The poems Snake by DH Lawrence, and Los Angeles/Boys by Rachel Sherwood. Definitely I Remember by Anne Sexton, since I put it at the start. The song Mad Man Moon by Genesis.

Also like, I write by basically imagining what I’d want to see if it were a movie, where the edits would be, what the camera’s seeing, what colour everything is. So I’d say the last two biggest visual inspirations would be the films The Fall by Tarsem Singh and Mandy by Panos Cosmatos. Idk how to describe it except that the imagery in those movies is the kind of stuff I see in my head when I close my eyes, like the line in ch15 about the stars falling to hang around in the canopy, that’s actually a dream I had when I was like 9 and the image always stuck with me. So yeah, all the surreal space stuff in Mandy or the strange nature in The Fall really speaks to me:

[stardust-make-a-wish]

Do you have any fic recs for haikyuu and fruits basket? c:

ANON I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THIS ASK I LOVE TALKING AB FICS BUT IM GONNA NEED U TO BE MORE SPECIFIC RE: HAIKYUU PLS there r so many pairings its hard to rec stuff unless i know what ur looking for.........i guess ill just rec a bunch of diff ones then !!! (disclaimer i am Bad at summaries- rambling ahead bc i cant control myself hxjsh)

i actually dont read too much fruba fic but these two r v good i love

must be love on the brain (that's got me feelin' this way)

💌　kyoru - 4.3k words | “Tohru has a secret admirer. Everyone reacts to it accordingly. Except Kyo.”

it has.......a rooftop scene......its got that good kyoru pining.....its so good ... (honestly this authors kyoru is just *chefs kiss* just go through their frba tag)

my heart on your sleeve

🧣　kyoru - 3.7k words | “In which stealing your boyfriend’s clothing is an art, and Tohru Honda has perfected it.”

,,,, post curse fluff.....established relationship kyoru ufhdhfgcg i die this is so cute and just....rlly good vibes

alrigjt OK so i have.........a lot of hq fic recs........ if u want like all of them here r my hq bookmarks u can sort through them theyre all gems but ill list like a few of my favs !! this is just going to b ship stuff bc i dont read too much gen <//3

• (mostly)canon compliant:

your wide eyes are the only light i know

🌱 bokuaka - 9.2k

kind of like...how their relationship develops over time., its a bunch of really soft moments i love it.. i cant do it justice in this description but its so so lovely...(this author writes the SOFTEST bokuakas i am in sha mble s... pls check out their fics)

From Tokyo and Osaka, With Love

🌻 bokuaka - 8.2k | akaashi and his birthdays from 17-21, or five years' worth of birthdays spent with bokuto

i,, adore ts bkak and this fic is SO HFJFJD i love it a lot ughhgdb its one of my fave timeskip fics !!def a comfort fic of mine <3 (this author also has a bunch of good stuff on their page !!)

you never have to wander, wonder

🍨 sunaosa - 23k | Between food sharing, intimate conversations, special smiles, and thousand-word pictures, this is how Suna tries to not deal with a crush.

honestly i am not even the biggest sunaosa stan but this fic is just so much fun !! i actually.. reread this one a lot FHDJ i have a few fics that i just tend to read when im sad & this is one of them ! its got summer vibes, v v good friendship dynamics + miya twin shenanigans,, even if ur neutral ab the pairing, this is just such an enjoyable read! (its also got fun socmed aspects.... internet famous miyas is always fun) (this authors fics also slap ahshdb honestly just check out the fics of anyone linked here)

all that you were

🍃 sakuatsu - 4.6k | Sakusa confesses to Atsumu with all the enthusiasm of someone reporting a traffic jam.

this!!! is the fic that got me into skts so itd b a disservice if i didnt rec it !! (yes...check out this author too.......their fics r always so good)

liminal spaces

🚪 sakuatsu - 26k | Fuck you, Atsumu thinks, pointing at the pixelated Sakusa in the team photo on his bedside table. It’s easier than you’d think to ignore loving your teammate.

this fic made me feel things and also its just v vibey. i dont rmbr too much but its like....rlly good hdhd

• aus/canon divergent:

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle

🌿 iwaoi - 66.3k

alright if u like iwaoi & read fics for hq u have probably read this already but it doesnt hurt to throw it in bc this fic is an experience man its SO good. it hurts so much and so good and idk its just kind of iconic

famous angels (never come through england)

📸 sakuatsu - 10.4k | actor au!! its got fun socmed bits via like movie review articles & insta posts n the like its v fun !!! the character relationships r rlly good even aside from the main pair! this one ive been meaning to reread for a while now tbh

as blood returns and returns to the heart

⚔️ kuroken - 8.5k | royalty au by same author as above!! this fic,,, has almost all the things i love in a royalty au and it executes them all so so well... u have... king and loyal protector...pining....rlly fitting vibes,, ugh this fic is so great (check out this author too their fics r v good)

but not for spring to well up

🕰 sunaosa - 40.8k | After ending a relationship with a fiancé, Suna returns home and tries to heal from heartbreak. Here, he finds friends in the form of the Miya brothers, and learns patience, forgiveness, and what happiness means to him.

magical realism/antique shop au thats honestly just so thoroughly written it could b a story independent of these characters,, the miya twins r rlly good & the whole setting is such a vibe,, its def on the longer side but i enjoyed every bit of it!! all the magical lore was super cool n its just. so good man...

a certain slant of light

⛅️ bokuaka - 18.4k | akaashi is an author in need of help. bokuto is a witch who sells him a little light.

i actually just read this fic yesterday but i was rly going through it so i thought id include it fjfhg,, its a magic au still in a modern setting, (lowkey ghibli vibes honestly) and the slow build of akaashi dealing w his problems and growing more fond of these ppl he meets... its so lovely....u become so attached to the setting and characters and their relationships u rlly end up feeling right along w him........it has a happy end though dont worry i would never rec a fic that doesnt end happy mostly bc i myself cant handle it LOL. also the words r very pretty. thats def not the right way to describe it but im here to talk ab how it made me feel not talk abt word choice :’)

ok this was so so long im so sorry omg but i had a lot of fun putting this together & i absolutely have more where this came from if anyone wants FJDJHDJ

[pellucidthings]

For the fandom meme: 4, 9, 10, 14

4. Favorite books read this year

Well, I taught Mrs. Dalloway this year and therefore reread it for approximately the 42nd time, and it is always the first answer to this question.

But for books I read for the first time this year, a few standouts:

The Weight of Ink by Rachel Kadish simultaneously tells the story of two 21st-century researchers and the Jewish refugees in 17th-century London whose story they are discovering from a new manuscript cache, so it pushes MANY of my fiction buttons. There are a couple of moments where I wish her editor had reined her in a little, but overall, recommend, especially if you like historical fiction.

Rather behind the times here, but I finally got around to reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, which is of course excellent on so many levels. But what I didn’t realize about that book is how it is as much about the writing of the book as it is about its subject matter, and I really love that about it.

And after Kazuo Ishiguro won the Nobel in 2017 I decided to catch up on some of his novels I had not already read, and only got around to reading one. But The Buried Giant was fantastic, and I thought it did an even better job than the more-celebrated Never Let Me Go of living in that liminal space between genres. (In TBG it’s between historical fiction and fantasy, and in NLMG it’s between contemporary realism and dystopia/science fiction, of course.)

9. Best new fandom discovery of the year

Early in the year, pictures of this pretty witch pairing started appearing on my dash. I went looking for more, skipped from the pilot to “The Spelling Bee” and then straight to AO3, and became thoroughly hooked on The Worst Witch.

My favorite part of this, without a doubt, has been the nature of the fandom itself. I took a pretty long fandom hiatus between roughly 2010-2016, and since I’ve been back, I’ve struggled a little bit with the way fandom (or at least the fandoms I’ve been participating in) works differently than it used to. And The Worst Witch fandom is the first thing I’ve found that feels dear and familiar and cozy and makes me want to party like it’s 2007 or something. It’s so fic-centric!!! There is so much fic, and it’s so good!!!! And people comment and kudos like crazy!!!! And it’s overall such a generative, creative space, with people filling in gaps and fleshing out characters and exploring but also pushing beyond the confines of canon, and truly embracing the spirit of transformative work in a way I have not gotten to participate in for quite some time. It has been delighting the hell out of me, and I look forward to continuing to have it as my primary fannish space.

10. Biggest fandom disappointment of the year

Oh god. In January, Craig McLachlan, star of The Doctor Blake Mysteries, was credibly accused of sexual harassment. This kicked off a whole series of things that has resulted in the end of a show I had been quite enjoying (and to be clear: under the circumstances I’m very glad it ended, but still) and my inability to rewatch the existing stuff because Lucien has CM’s face and it makes me angry every time I see it. So, you know, fuck that guy.

I will say, though, that the tumblr-based Blake fandom has been really tremendous through all of this, and it’s been lovely to watch this group of women who have negotiated a range of challenging circumstances and emotions with so much grace.

14. Favorite m/f ship of the year

Hmm, probably have to go with Jennifer Mapplethorpe/Nick Buchanan from City Homicide for this one. Jen has One of the Best Faces, Nick is one of the very few fictional dudes I truly like for himself and not just because he loves my girl (though he does), and they legit got a canonical undercover married plot. 

(Ask me more end of year fandom things.)

[osheamobile]

rideintothegrey replied to your post “paper-mario-wiki: paper-mario-wiki: hey english people when u see...”

As an English person, I too have travelled 4 hours for a day trip. On multiple occasions even. Mostly it's the patronising tone that causes my irritation and the implication that the size of a country in any way relates to how worthwhile a country is. I think we are all well aware by now that England and the US have both screwed themselves over in a variety of different and similar ways.

I don’t think that was ever the point, I think the point was this:

(search done at 5:30 AM Central / 11:30 AM London for travel time discrepencies)

It doesn’t mean there’s a lot to see in those 44 hours of straight driving (with no sleep, rest, or literally anything else, it’s more like four days of 10-12 hours of driving each). Once you get past those first mountains, a huge part of the country is farmland, forest, and desert.

Those numbers may seem super definitive, but keeping in mind the actual square mileage we’re talking about, absolutely y’all have a more densely packed country than we do.

We’re a lot more comparable to Australia in that respect, because you’ve got people spread out throughout, where we’re all along the coastlines, plus centralized hubs in each center state.

(This one was also useful)

Everything medium yellow in the eastern half is either farmland or forest, and everything off-white and the one shade above that in the western half is desert, prairie, forest, mountain, etc.

You can drive for literal days in that part of the country and see maybe twenty people total, and those are gas station attendants and the people who live near the gas stations.That’s literally the only thing I think of when I see the posts about “why are americans so obsessed with liminal spaces”, because so much of our country is nothing but open space, and unless you actually live there, you’re only going to be there to travel through it to get somewhere else.

I mean, let’s take my home state. Illinois, the Land of Lincoln, the place of governmental corruption and people who pretend to know better than anyone else in the entire world how food is meant to be eaten.

To get from Chicago, which isn’t even the northernmost part of the state, to St. Louis, Missouri - chosen because A: it’s immediately on the other side of the state border, and it’s going from lake to river and B: this is the drive I used to make every year for many, many years because we had family there - it’s four and a half hours. And I’m searching this at 5 in the morning on a Saturday; if I did this search at noon, they’d adjust travel to make it closer to five and a half hours. It’s not even tip to tip of my own state, and it’s over four hours.

What’s in-between that? Two cities (four if you count endpoint to endpoint), a bunch of gas station oases, and literally nothing else but farmland. That’s five hours of passing through two (2) populated areas and then it’s just soy, wheat, and corn for the entire rest of the trip.

Oh, and a decent wind farm.

(I love my state but I’ll admit that Indiana’s wind farm is more impressive. Don’t tell anyone.)

The biggest problem that I have with those posts is that it devolves way too quickly from “hey england is really densely packed compared to other countries” “hey america is really, really, really fucking big” to a debate about which one is better. And you can’t really do that, even playfully, without it getting a little heated, because that’s just how it goes. It’s kind of awful and I hate it.

[firehawk12]

Crazy Rich Asians (2018): The Flawed But Necessary Asian-American Cultural Milestone

(Apologies!  I keep forgetting to update my Tumblr... repost from my Medium account)

There is so much to unpack before you can even talk about Crazy Rich Asiansin any meaningful manner and understand why so much of the Asian-American community has gotten behind the film via the so-called #goldopenmovement.

I think the easiest way to begin is to imagine what life would be like if you had no sense of belonging within the culture you inhabit. Books, music, television, film, theater, fashion — none of it reflected who you are and how you were necessarily different from everyone else. For the last half-century, this is essentially how Asian-Americans (and by extension, Asians-Canadians) lived their lives.

I can only write on my behalf, but I knew at an early age that I would never really be considered a “Canadian”, because as much as we like to pretend we’re in some kind of post-race multicultural utopia, I still feel foreign despite having lived in Canada for essentially my entire life.

But obviously that’s not necessarily unique to my experience — certainly a lot of people feel alienated within their own homelands because they don’t look like, act like, or otherwise inhabit the space of normativity that defines “Canadian-ness” (or “American-ness”).

But I can’t really claim to be “Chinese” either. Certainly I am racially and ethnically Han Chinese, but culturally I am as far removed from being Chinese as one possibly can be as a “Canadian Born Chinese”. I can functionally communicate in Cantonese, read Hanzi at a grade school level, and I’ve never actually been to China or Hong Kong, and my Chinese cultural references are old John Woo and Stephen Chow movies. There is a cultural void that I’ve felt for most of my life, and it comes from — as Crazy Rich Asians explains — being a “banana”, where my race and my cultural context have created the extreme feeling of alienation that is familiar to most, if not all, minorities living in North America.

So this is where we land on the North American notion of the hybrid identity that has developed over the last century. I’m not Chinese, I’m not Canadian, but I exist in some undefined border — the liminal space between the two — as a “Chinese-Canadian”. But what does that even mean when there is no culture that defines Chinese-Canadian identity? I don’t want to deny the great cultural contributions of artists such as Mina Shum or Wayson Choy and many others (Double Happiness is still a foundational text for me in terms of being able to articulate the fact that I don’t have an identity whatsoever), and I mean no offence when I suggest that these artists aren’t household names (and I’d much rather re-read Choy than yet another Atwood novel…).

I came to Double Happiness when I was in my teens, already feeling the anxiety of not having an identity and being unable to articulate it because there was simply no outlet for me to express my inability to connect with the greater culture around me. I saw myself in Sandra Oh’s Jade, a woman who would never be Chinese enough for her parents or other Chinese people, but who isn’t Canadian enough to be accepted by Canadian society as an actress (I’m sure this was something that Sandra Oh had to fight against during the early parts of her career). I think it was at that moment that I understand that I would always feel like an outsider in my own homeland, not necessarily because I was marked with a visible difference, but because it took so long for me to see myself reflected in the culture that I consumed.

This isn’t necessarily a unique Chinese or even Asian-North American experience. As I wrote several years ago when I began to unpack the importance of yet another seminal Asian American cultural moment — the debut of Fresh Off The Boat — both the “real” and fictional Eddie Huang embraced hip hop because he was able to relate to a culture defined by alienation. Meanwhile, Gene Yang’s American Born Chinese ends by having the main character admit that he can never be white and escape “Chin-Kee”, the specter of Chinese-ness that haunts his every waking moment, and accept that being Chinese is a part of what defines him even if he doesn’t necessarily explain how that acceptance manifests itself.

But the fact that I can make references to a hit ABC sitcom and an Eisner award-winning graphic novel in order to try to articulate some notion of Chinese-American identity is precisely why it is so crucial to have a culture that represents the unique situation of being neither Chinese and neither American (or Canadian).

I love James Hong and respect him for his long career and the work he has done in order to help insert a Chinese face into American culture, but my entire identity in the early 90s was essentially tied to this clip:

The fact that I can’t remember any other “role models” from my childhood except James Hong putting on that accent and annoying Jerry, Elaine, and George is perhaps a sad reflection of my limited worldview as a child of the 90s, but also a condemnation of what happens when there is no one for you to look up to.

We are so hungry for representation because we live in a cultural vacuum, where the only other cultural reference you can make is to The Joy Luck Club or how fucked up it was that people thought this was okay:

It’s interesting because Hari Kondabolu’s attempts to address the problematic nature of Apu from The Simpsons touches on this exact same anxiety, where being South Asian is defined entirely by a single cultural touch point that can influence your life forever (that’s even before addressing the indignity of being represented by a white man putting on an accent in a bout of modern brown-face). Thankfully between The Mindy Project, The Big Sick and Master of None, South Asian-American representation has certainly improved in the last few years.

That’s not to say that East Asian-American representation, both on screen and off screen, hasn’t improved either. In film alone, Justin Lin basically built up one of the most improbably popular blockbuster franchises in recent history out of nothing — made more miraculous when you think about how the Fast and Furious films were culturally diverse before Disney decided that maybe their superheroes didn’t all have to be white men.

But even so, it’s been contingent on the Asian community to just accept things the way they are and not raise too much of a commotion about cultural representation. So when Tina Fey decides to double down on her racism with an episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt about how Asian-Americans humourless internet trolls who don’t understand comedy, we’re just to accept the fact that she above criticism. When Ghost in the Shell ends by explaining a Japanese girl had her brain carved out and placed into Scarlet Johansson’s body, we should be grateful that they mentioned the character’s Japanese origins at all. When Scott Buck refuses to address Iron Fist’s Orientalism, we just have to accept that no one is allowed to change the origins of a character because comic books are sacrosanct.

All of that explains why Crazy Rich Asians is such an important film for the community. With all of this cultural baggage on their backs, I respect the sacrifice Kevin Kwan and Jon Chu made when they eschewed an easy Netflix deal in order to bring the film to theaters even more than I did when I had initially read the interview.

It’s not that there haven’t been countless great Asian-American films made between The Joy Luck Club and Crazy Rich Asians. Justin Lin’s own Better Luck Tomorrow, or Only the Brave, or Saving Face, or Eat With Me, or the recently released Gook to just name a handful are great films in their own right for telling stories about Asian Americans that simply aren’t reflected in the culture otherwise

(Edit: I’ve been told that I’ve been remiss in not including the Harold and Kumar trilogy in the above list. Apologies to John Cho and Kal Penn!)

But the only way to get the culture to pay attention — not just the people consuming it, but also the people producing it — is to make the biggest impact possible and even in 2018 with streaming services and video on demand, the path to cultural relevance is still through a major movie studio that can both promote your film and widely distribute it across the world. It’s unfortunate, but that’s why people still point to The Joy Luck Club and don’t mention any of the smaller independent films that have come out since then. The fact that the last film before The Joy Luck Club to feature an all Asian cast to be distributed by a major movie studio was Flower Drum Song in 1961 (which is a film/musical that probably has as much, if not more, cultural baggage associated with it than even The Joy Luck Club) points to the significance of Crazy Rich Asians and why it has become a moment for Asian-Americans.

Kevin Kwan made another important production decision that drives home how much is riding on this film’s success. During pitch meetings, Kwan recounts meetings where producers suggested that having a white actress in the Rachel Chu role would make for a more successful film — to pull a quote from the interview, apparently he was told that “it’s a pity you don’t have a white character” — makes his decision to option the rights to his book for a dollar in order to maintain creative control a moral stance against Hollywood producers who don’t see any value in Asian actors.

Certainly the film’s fish out of water story could have easily been adapted so that Rachel Chu became Rachael Churchill (starring Scarlett Johansson or Emma Stone, of course) and many of the beats would have been the same. But his film is so powerful precisely because Rachel (Constance Wu) is Chinese-American. She isn’t Chinese, as Nick’s mother Eleanor (performed with perfect stoicism by Michelle Yeoh) constantly points out throughout the film, and that’s actually not a problem for her. In fact, the film goes out of its way to show how her Chinese-American identity helps her navigate the precariousness of Singapore’s socialite lifestyle, allowing Rachel to be proud of being a “banana”.

Are there problems with the film? Undoubtedly. The fact that the one time South Asians are shown in the film involves using them as comedy propspoints to narrow focus of the film and how much it ignores of the realSingapore. Or how Oliver (Nico Santos) is queer, but is never actually shown with another man, perhaps because gay sex is technically still a criminal offence in Singapore. Of course, the title itself points out that the only poor people shown in the film are the servants who presumably slink back to their cramped government subsidized high-rises after they are done serving the crazy rich Asians who employ them.

Even if you ignore the social issues, the film itself isn’t perfect either. It has the feel of an adaptation where they didn’t want to cut any of the cast, but had to cut all of their supporting stories in order to get the film to hit the 120 minute running time. And I mean this with utmost respect to Jon Chu’s career, but I still haven’t forgiven him for what he did to Jem and the Holograms a few years ago and there are times when the film feels just as workmanlike and banal as that failed outing. You’d think the climatic moment where Nick chases down Rachel in order to propose to her (again) would be wonderfully cinematic, but it’s perhaps the least exciting visual moment of the film. Similarly, the much written about Mahjong battle at the end was a great moment in spite of the direction, not because of it.

There is a lot wrong with the film. That’s unavoidable. Do I wish a studio picked up George Takei’s Allegiance and I was writing about about a big budget film about a Japanese-American family torn apart by the forced internment policies of a racist United States? That would have been great.

But in a way, this is very much like Fresh Off The Boat (and not just because of Constance Wu). When the real Eddie Huang quit narrating the show because it deviated so far from the harsh reality of his childhood experiences as a Chinese-American growing up in Florida, I totally sympathized with his decision and understood his rationale. Fresh Off The Boat isn’t an unvarnished look at the Chinese-American experience, nor is it ever going to touch on issues of race in a meaningful way. For better or for worse, it’s just not that kind of show nor is it trying to be. But the producers of the show were able to include an episode where the entire B-story was in Mandarin, a first for a family sitcom in America.

Crazy Rich Asians is very much in the same position as Fresh Off The Boat. It’s telling the world that Asians and Asian-Americans are just people like everyone else, facing similar problems as we try to carve out an existence in the world and live our lives. We fight with our in-laws, we get cheated on by our husbands, we have rivals who try to sabotage us, we deal with friends that we only talk to because we grew up with them and not because we have anything in common with them, we even deal with racism from time to time (although most of us don’t have the money to humiliate a racist by buying their place of employment).

It’s not the Asian-American of Do The Right Thing, let alone BlacKkKlansman, but I have to hope that if this movie is a success, then those types of stories will come in time. Maybe they’ll make a spin-off featuring Nico Santos’ Oliver called Crazy Rich Gaysians and have his character confront Singapore’s endemic social and structural homophobia. Or maybe they’ll make a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead-like movie about the two guards where they discuss the existential crisis of life defined only by serving as a backdrop to the stories of the rich. I believe that we can get there eventually, we just need to use Crazy Rich Asians as the push to get us there.

Anecdotally, the movie feels like it is appealing to more than just Asian-Americans desperate to be represented on screen. When the credits started rolling at my screening, a couple of Jewish women (who went out of their way to build a connection with me by telling me that Jewish culture and Chinese culture are connected by Mahjong and Chinese food at Christmas) told me that they had a great time watching the film. And in the moment of hesitation I felt when they unknowingly asked me to represent my entire race and culture by asking me if I liked the film, I told them that I did.

Maybe I don’t like the film for all the same reasons that they did, but that’s the point. Crazy Rich Asians is a film that is miraculously both culturally specific and broadly appealing. Even if you don’t care about any of what I wrote and just want to watch a good romantic comedy, you would be hard pressed to find one as good as this one in recent years. But if you are that Asian-American who has been waiting for over two decades to feel like you belong to a culture that has largely ignored you and taken you for granted, you will be witnessing a moment of cinematic history. That alone is worth the price of admission.

I didn’t have any place to put this, and it’s such a minor point that really isn’t worth including, but as a former teaching assistant I felt compelled to at least mention it.

So the film is supposed to take place during Rachel’s spring break. We see early in the film that she has a TA (that she tortures), so it’s possible that she dumps all her papers on him and tells him to grade everything while she’s having an adventure in Singapore. That’s perfectly fine, but it seems clear that she ends up staying in Singapore for much longer than a week (there is at least 3 days of flying time depicted in the film).

This means that there is no way she gets back in time to teach her class, assuming she even goes back after getting engaged, which means the poor TA is stuck holding the bag with a bunch of undergrads who will probably blame him for their grades not being in or for class being delayed.

Won’t anyone think of the poor teaching assistants who don’t have billionaire partners to sweep them off their feet?

[rachelkulagodfrey-blog]

After 17 Hours Of Listening To “Nobody” By Mitski On a Loop, I Have Transcended

Originally published on March 4, 2019.

Last week was fucking disgusting.

Once a month, my paranoia gnaws at my entire being and I give into it. It’s a cycle that I’ve grown accustomed to in ways that I both respect and hate. I prefer isolating myself whenever this happens because 1) I love a good, sad sprawl across my bed and 2) I’m always too afraid to operate out of a reactionary place when I get this way. But this time was different. It felt heavier.

My emotional exhaustion paved the path for the physical exhaustion in a way that hadn’t happened in a few years. I couldn’t find the energy to move, let alone effectively communicate with anyone that wasn’t myself. I’ve chosen to label it as “disgusting” because of how much it felt like I was “dreaming of dreaming a thought / that could dream about a thought / that could think of dreaming a dream /where I cannot.” Shit made no sense.

I canceled – or just didn’t show up to – every obligation. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to process anything in front of me. I also wasn’t in the mood to try. I sent out a lot of “Things are bad but will get better!” type messages without really caring if things did or not. To be [frequently] numb, young, and Black. Mmmm.

Who would have fucking thought that a video of a dildo on an airport conveyor belt would have been the catalyst for my ascension from this month’s lukewarm hell?

A friend had sent me the video because they “hadn’t seen [me] in a while” and felt “the video carried [my] energy.” Me, a human manifestation of this circulating rubber dick. Very touching stuff. It made me laugh for so long, but what also caught my attention was the song playing in the background. I was bopping my head without realizing it and became determined to find it. Typing “nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody lyrics” into the Google search engine was the biggest energy output I had had all week. This moment was my introduction to “Nobody” by Mitski.

The first time I listened to the song all the way through, I thought “This is the saddest shit I’ve ever heard in my life.” But still… I wanted to DANCE. The second and third times I listened, each word knocked me out. I started to breeze through a naming process of sorts, letting my most trivial to my all-consuming insecurities come to the surface. Every single one. It was horrible. It felt like I was digging myself into an even deeper hole. I began to mourn something that I still haven’t been quite able to name. But what the mourning made room for was a sort of comforting bleakness. I wouldn’t label it as hopelessness. But a bleakness that paved the way for some absurd certainty. With a guap soundtrack.

Many of the Black womxn in my life who non-Black womxn have coded as “strong” feel stuck in a “disgusting” liminal space. While we’re tackling what it means to survive and then thrive, we’re also trying to work through what our strength looks like in a conversation with other people’s projections. And while we all probably draw our “strength” from varying, complicated sources, we are all often reminded of the ways that the collective We are not wanted. What is wanted – and arguably needed – are the livelihoods that They™ have conjured for us.

I’m pretty sure Mitski wasn’t thinking about the visibility politics of Black womxn when she wrote the song. As she explained to Genius, she was fleshing out her own loneliness after finishing the Asia/Australia leg of her tour during the winter holidays. But the sentiment of feeling so invisible no matter who is around stands so tall for so many. Beyoncé’s 2008 “Ave Maria” rendition echoed thoughts of a similar haunting: “I’ve been alone when I’m surrounded by friends/ How could the silence be so loud?” Yoncé noted the song as being one of the most personal on the album. (Yeah, she didn’t write the whole thing but she [EM]BODIED THE WORK) Mitski is by herself in her song, Beyoncé is surrounded by friends in hers, and yet both feel a sense of isolation.

To see a Japanese-American woman and a Black woman – both of whom are hypervisible by way of fame, social media, and coveted talent – air out the psychological pain/isolation that stems from no one actually knowing (or interested in knowing) you outside of how your being serves them, is as validating as it is terrifying. It makes me want to question my goals and intent even more, knowing that fame and/or money won’t make me feel less lonely. To feel wanted can be trill; to feel like a watered-down, one-dimensional version of yourself is what’s preferred, is not.

I 110% still want to be rich, though. Just to try it out. A test-run, if you will.

I hope I don’t sound too pessimistic when I say that “Nobody” gave me a revamped sense of purpose. I’ve been running around my campus with these turtle headphones singing and smiling about how “I’ve been big and small… and still nobody wants me.” Might be disorienting for an onlooker. But I love singing and dancing about my actual disorientation. I want to dance as much as I want to cry so often. Sometimes I just want to cry with someone near me. I want to create as much as I want to kill the parts of my life that I cannot change. I want to scream while also mourning the other parts that are so very difficult to change but that I’m still working trying to every day. And this BOP makes me feel like I don’t have to apologize for any of it.

New Solange dropped and so I’ve taken a break from listening to nothing but Mitski on a loop. But wow. What a moment.

[boardwalk-absurdist]

All the numbers! 😊

Aaahhh thank you~ I haven’t done one of these in forever but I love them, so let’s go (under the cut)!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Coffee mugs~ I have one standard reliable water bottle that I carry with me, but I love me a clever/cute coffee mug.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? Chocolate bars, natch.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy~

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? Usually stuff like energetic, bubbly, and smart. They used to say gifted but around 4th grade they weren’t allowed to say that anymore.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? None of the above, I don’t drink soda. The bubbles hurt my tongue.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? Oh man this is an eternal struggle tbh. I think I usually dress a bit more grunge or boho, but I want to be pastel and goth as well? The others I could take or leave.

7. earbuds or headphones? Earbuds, as long as they aren’t those Skullcandy kind with the squishy part that you jam in your ear canal. I hate those.

8. movies or tv shows? Depends on my mood and how much time I have.

9. favorite smell in the summer? This may be weird, but like…sun sweat? You know when you’re laying out comfortably in the sunshine and there’s a nice breeze and you sweat a lil but it’s like just warm? Also the ocean, I love the beach but I live nowhere near one.

10. game you were best at in p.e.? Uh, avoid competitive people as much as possible by running in the opposite direction from the ball? Walk laps rather than play the game? I did not like gym class.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? Nothin’. Sometimes I’ll have a donut or poptarts or pain au chocolat but usually it’s a lotta nothing.

12. name of your favorite playlist? “Players musicals”, a spotify playlist with songs from the 4 musicals my college theatre group did while I was there. Or on my iTunes, I have one called “Power Up” that is all my pump-up jams.

13. lanyard or key ring? …both? I have a keyring on my lanyard.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? Ooh, the Haribo gummy frogs. With like the white part on the bottom? Idk what that shit is but I love it.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. I know it’s a play but we did read it, and I loved it. Alternatively, maybe Brave New World? I found that one fascinating.

16. most comfortable position to sit in? Curled up sideways in an armchair or with my legs thrown over one arm and my back against the other.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? In the summer, I always pick one pair of sandals with a fun pattern so I get cool tan lines on my feet. Otherwise, Merrell Mocs 5evr.

18. ideal weather? Sunny and dry, maybe with a light breeze, and in the mid- to high-70s. Either that or clear, sunny, and between 15 and -15 for like a perfectly brisk day.

19. sleeping position? I usually sleep on my side with my top leg flung out so I’m like half on my stomach. But I can’t actually sleep on my stomach cuz I have titties and they are Not Comfortable.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? Literally anywhere and on anything. I doodle and write on p much any surface I am given.

21. obsession from childhood? …uh. There were several. But I guess Jerry Lewis was the biggie/most embarrassing.

22. role model? That’s a tough one. Probably Bonnie Bassler.

23. strange habits? I eat most foods around the outside and save the center for last. Like poptarts, waffles, sandwiches… I also have a tic where whenever I have my car in neutral I jiggle the stick shift back and forth to like prove to myself that I am in neutral. I’m sure there are more that I’m unaware of that I just think are normal, so hey, if you know me irl and you know of a weird habit that I missed, send it my way.

24. favorite crystal? Idk. Does tiger’s eye count? It’s my favorite semi-precious stone.

25. first song you remember hearing? LORDT I have no idea, probably a Bruce Springsteen song.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Lay in the sunshine. Or swim outside.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? Play in the snow.

28. five songs to describe you? These are more songs describing what it feels like to be me, but: “Fear and Loathing” and “Teen Idle” by Marina and the Diamonds, “I Wanna Get Better” by Bleachers, “Yo Girl” from Heathers, aaaand “Carmen” by Lana Del Rey.

29. best way to bond with you? Work on a show together.

30. places that you find sacred? Difficult to say. I guess anywhere that feels like a liminal space.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Ooh okay so I have this black cropped sleeveless hoodie that says “never trust the living” on a tombstone and has a skull, I like to pair that with some burgundy high-waisted short shorts and tights with embroidered skulls and butterflies. Then those go with my platform black and white sneakers or my 6 inch platform boots with flames on the heels.

32. top five favorite vines? rOaD wOrK aHeAd?; I AM THE SAND GUARDIAN; …wow; “little diddy”; and either happy crismus or WELCOME TO BIBLE STUDY

33. most used phrase in your phone? Probably “fair enough”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? “if you needed brain surgery, would you go to a general practitioner? No? THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL BUYING FISH FROM THE GENERAL STORE” fishtopia may finally be dead but that fucking commercial lives on

35. average time you fall asleep? Like midnight?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? I can has cheezburger?

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Depends. If it’s just for a few days, duffel bag. But I prefer to travel with a suitcase for anything longer than a week.

38. lemonade or tea? Lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Uh I guess lemon cake?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Oh! One time this girl tackled this dude allegedly cuz he wouldn’t share his beef jerky. The school was put on a code yellow while the security guard separated them.

41. last person you texted? Myself, to send some gel pictures from my phone to my laptop.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets. I have shitty girl pants pockets.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? why must you hurt me in this way. I have a denim jacket that I adore, so I guess that one? But I really appreciate the aesthetic of bomber jackets.

44. favorite scent for soap? Irish Spring. am cermet

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? I guess sci-fi.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? I sleep in my underwear.

47. favorite type of cheese? Cheddar or Gruyere.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? No clue. Strawberry, maybe?

49. what saying or quote do you live by? “Once you’re in it, it’s okay.” - This is How, Augusten Burroughs Alternatively, “How unlikely! Yet here we are.” - Spaceman of Bohemia, Jaroslav Kalfar 

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? An inside joke with the Brit, I think. 

51. current stresses? oh the thousands

52. favorite font? Currently I’m really feeling Book Antiqua.

53. what is the current state of your hands? Uh, fine? Clean? My nails are Ready for some new polish.

54. what did you learn from your first job? How to scoop ice cream.

55. favorite fairy tale? I don’t think I have one.

56. favorite tradition? So in my family, we have a routine for putting up the tree (we have a fake tree that we use every year). My dad puts the tree together, my mom rearranges and bends the branches to make it look more realistic, my dad puts the lights on, and then my little brother and I decorate it with all the ornaments. It’s a lot of fun and my favorite part of Christmas.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? An abusive relationship, getting help for depression/anxiety, and my mom’s attempted suicide.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? I’m a p good writer, a decent swimmer, I can do cross-stitch/needlepoint, and I am very good at taking tests/learning.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? “Eat an entire ass.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Slice of life goofy high school comedy. Like Ouran, or the lighter parts of Fruits Basket.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? There’s a line in @scifigrl47‘s fic “Hollow Your Bones like a Bird’s” that has really stuck with me over the years: “It is the farthest from death that I can get, to decide, second by second, not to jump.” In a similar vein, the line “I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spat it out” from the original Avengers movie really made an impression. On a funnier note, the lines “I’ve frequently not been on boats” and “One can hardly eat cucumber sandwiches in an agitated manner” from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and The Importance of Being Earnest respectively never fail to make me laugh.

62. seven characters you relate to? Lordt that is so many. Okay. Alissa Meson from the Truth series, Chidi Anagonye from The Good Place, Lee Fiora from Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld, Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket, Shiloh Wallace from Repo! The Genetic Opera, Augusten Burroughs in his memoirs (not technically a character but I relate so hard), and Bo Burnham’s stage persona (it COUNTS dammit).

63. five songs that would play in your club? “1, 2, Step” - Ciara, “Night Fever” - The BeeGees, “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” - Journey, “Chelsea Dagger” - The Fratellis, and “Damn You Look Good And I’m Drunk (Scandalous)” - Cobra Starship

64. favorite website from your childhood? Quizilla, RIP

65. any permanent scars? Several on my hands (they used to be cat scratches but I picked at them so much they scarred up), two punctures from my cat biting me on my right inner forearm, and one biggun on my left asscheek from when I fell out of a tree and had to get 6 stitches.

66. favorite flower(s)? Poppies, lavender, fireweed, and forget-me-nots.

67. good luck charms? Not really? I have jewelry that I wear every day but that’s more a habit/ritual rather than for luck.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? LORDT okay so I worked at an ice cream shop two summers in a row, right? There was this DISGUSTING cranberry stout flavor, and a p gross ginger one, plus every time someone ordered a weird milkshake we’d make a little extra so we could try some. One time someone got like a large stout (the regular, not the cranberry, which was still nasty) and pumpkin milkshake with malt. It was horrid.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes as much pressure to bite through a human finger as it does to bite through a carrot.

70. left or right handed? Rightie.

71. least favorite pattern? Uh. I guess paisley? It doesn’t really do anything for me.

72. worst subject? Organic chemistry or physics.

73. favorite weird flavor combo? Oooh so nutella and honey is DELIGHTFUL if you’ve never tried it. Also those parmesan bread bites from Dominos taste real good dunked in the icing that comes with the cinnamon twists.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? Like a 4 or 5.

75. when did you lose your first tooth? I genuinely do not recall.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? Scalloped potatoes with cheese.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? Idk I kill all my plants. I have a lil sempervivum that I’ve kept alive for a few months though~

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Grocery store sushi.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Lmao they both are bad but I’ll say driver’s license.

80. earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? Are they not the same thing? I call them fireflies.

82. pc or console? PC. I grew up without a console so I lack the intuitive understanding of their control mechanisms that most people seem to have.

83. writing or drawing? Writing.

84. podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts.

84. barbie or polly pocket? Barbie I guess?

85. fairy tales or mythology? Mythology.

86. cookies or cupcakes? …cookies.

87. your greatest fear? Disappointing people who took a chance on me.

88. your greatest wish? If I tell you, it won’t come true.

89. who would you put before everyone else? My little brother.

90. luckiest mistake? Not applying for summer internships. Instead I just talked to the one microbiology professor and she offered me a summer job in her lab and it’s because of her that I’m at the school I’m at for grad school and have experience and all that.

91. boxes or bags? Uh. Bags I guess? Easier to carry.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Sunlight.

93. nicknames? My parents call me Squirrelle. Some people call me T (my real name starts with a T).

94. favorite season? Spring, I think. It’s so nice to come back out of the cold.

95. favorite app on your phone? I guess fb messenger, I use it the most.

96. desktop background? It’s a colored collage of Jareth and Sarah from pika-la-cynique’s “Girls Next Door” massive crossover series on dA.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? I dunno, like a handful? Some are totally useless.

98. favorite historical era? Probably the 80s.