#also anytime a person would reply to her with sincere concern or trying to help ppl would reply laughing it off

[suggsnkisses]

Moriah Mills’ account getting suspended is nba twitters burning of the library of alexandria

[harrysgoldenline]

When In Italy Part 4

here is part 4! Um this chapter has bad words and some adult themes so warning for that! The next part will be the last, so let me know what you think! Are they end game or no? Also! If you want a personalized imagine, check out my pinned post! If you want to support me ---> please click here! every little bit helps bc im a broke ass college student so thank u to anyone who wants to support me :)

All comments and feedback are welcome and encouraged!! :)

WORD COUNT: 2.2K

You stood frozen as he stepped out of the elevator, his eyes soft as he met yours, waking towards you.

“Get away from me.” you whisper, attempting to push past him and get into the elevator, pressing the door closed button before even pressing a floor, not wanting him to get any closer.

“Y/N, wait!” he rushed, sticking his hand between the doors and stopping it, his tall frame standing before you that you quickly push past, going back to lock yourself in your apartment, and lock him out, “Please, let me explai-“

“No!” you stopped, voice firm as you turned to face him, “you can’t keep doing this! you can’t keep showing up like this! So just leave me alone.”

You kept walking, ignoring his pleas as he came after you, successfully unlocking your apartment door rapidly, but you catch a glimpse of rings as he hand stops the door.

“Please.” He whispered, not pushing the door open and you saw a flicker of his eyes and you could almost see the sincerity in them, “I know I don’t deserve it, I really don’t, but I would just love to talk to you for real this time, anything you want to know.”

“and you’re not gonna be an asshole this time?” you asked, leaning against the doorframe, peaking at him, “because if you are, I swear to god Styles I will give you 5 seconds to get the fuck out.”

“Promise.” He nodded and your heart believed him, so you opened the door.

You watched as he shoved his hands deep in his pockets, slowly entering your apartment and you didn’t miss how his eyes scanned you quickly, before bouncing around the apartment, looking around the space he used to be so familiar with.

You watched how he headed to the couch about to sit but stutter stepped a bit, scratching the back of his neck and looking at you, almost asking you if it’s okay if he sits down.

You gave him a soft smile and nod, tucking a loose hair behind your ear and sitting on one side of the couch, thankful he sat on the other, giving you each plenty of space as your eyes met. The tension was slowly rising, looking at each other as you sat, wondering who was going to break the silence.

“I never meant for anything to happen.” he whispered, his head falling as a shameful look covered his face, avoiding your eyes, “After the breakup… I- I was just lost. I was messing up at work and I just was doing shit. Then, it was like only like a month ago, I was getting drunk all the time and she just came into my trailer and we were talking and then she kissed me.”

You just nodded, biting your bottom lip and picking at your nails, peaking up and looking at him, your glossy eyes meeting his bloodshot ones, not really having anything to say in response.

“And I just…” he started, “I wanted to feel better, feel anything. So, we just started hanging out more and I just really wanted to feel something, feel a connection. So we took a trip to Italy because… It’s always been a place that made me feel better and then…”

“Yeah.” you chuckled, “and then… Why did you bring her to our house? I know we haven’t talked about that kind of stuff, but it’s mine too Harry and… just seeing you two there? I never felt more replaceable than I did when I saw you two.”

“Oh love, no.” He whispered, scooting closer to you, a hand coming up to cup your face to help your eyes meet, but he retracted it back before he made contact with your skin, “I’m so, so sorry. I’m so sorry and I will never be able to prove to you, but that was never my intention to ever hurt you. The breakup was a mistake.”

“I… How am I supposed to believe that?” you squeaked, voice cracking as the barrier breaks, tears falling on your cheeks as you looked up at him, “We we’re together for years and you just- I mean fuck Harry! I haven’t even thought about even starting to flirt with someone and you’re…”

“We’ve never had sex,” He quietly added cheeks turning a bit red, “or done anything like that. At all, I just… couldn’t.”

Your eyes widen a bit at the confession, watching as he looked at his hands, a slight twinge of embarrassment on his features.

“Oh.” you whispered, “I know I shouldn’t be mad, we… we aren’t together and you have have the right to do whatever you want but it’s just… hard. Especially when I wasn’t expecting it. I went to Italy to try and get away, everything in the city makes me think of you, I don’t know why I thought staying at the house would be any better but, I just wanted to get away.”

“Sorry I ruined your trip.”

“Sorry I ruined your hookups.”

He let out a laugh, the smile staying a bit longer when he noticed you had subconsciously scooted a bit closer to him.

“It’s not like I ever really wanted to… Even little Harry only wants you.” he flirted and an instant, loud laugh leaves your lips, leaning forward and your brace yourself on his shoulder, a simple thing you had done over the years countless times, but still made his heart skip a beat.

“Oh my god,” you said between breathless laughs, your bodies now less then a foot apart as you smiled up at him, “please do not call it little Harry!”

“What do you prefer?” He smirked, “rather I call it bi-“

“What the fuck?” a voice spoke suddenly, both of your red eyes going to your front door and seeing your best friend standing their, her eyes wide in a mix of confusion and anger. Your hand retracted from his body quickly, your best friend looking at you with soft eyes, her eyes darting over to Harry’s and you see the fiery anger behind them, “Y/N, please tell me he was getting whatever shit he left behind and is leaving.”

“We were just talking.” You started, glancing over at Harry, seeing a bit of fear behind his eyes and your lips quirked up in a smile that quickly faded seeing the anger in y/bff/n eyes.

“What do you want to talk to him about? How he broke your heart again?” She asked, confusion and concern laced in her voice, “I’m sorry, y/n, I just… I can’t watch you go through all of it all over again and again.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but he quickly stood up beside you giving you a quick nod as he glanced over at y/bff/n the back at you, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just showed up. It was so good to see you, y/n, I’ll get out of your way.”

“Harry, wait!” you stood up, hating the softening in your voice, “I want to talk more… are you staying or do you have to go back to L.A?”

“I’ll be here as long as you need me. And if you want me gone, I’ll book my flight. Okay? It’s up to you, whatever you want.”

“Okay… Can I call you later?”

“You can call me anytime, I’ll pick up.”

***

Y/bff/n definitely wasn’t thrilled with you.

“I just feel like this is a bad idea, y/n!” She had exclaimed once Harry had left your apartment, “He’s gonna hurt you again! What could he possibly want?”

“I dont know, I just… I dont know.” You sighed, sitting across from her on your couch just like you did with him, “I love him and I don’t know what’s going to happen but I don’t want to end up hating him.”

She nodded, looking at you as your eyes glazed over again, “Hey, okay, I’m sorry. I just don’t want you upset. Do you still wanna go try this new place or just hang out here? Let’s get your mind off of everything, you need a break, yeah? Especially if you’re going to talk to him later.”

“Do you think I should?"

“If that’s what you think, I think you should. You know him.” She nods, “but I swear to god if he makes you cry again he’ll have to deal with me.”

So now, here you were, waiting on him to come back to finish your talk from earlier. It was helpful hanging out with y/bff/n, listening to her advice as she gave you a bit of the reality check that you needed, making sure he won’t sweep you off your feet with his familiar charm.

Your heart rate never fully calmed down as you waited for him to come back to your apartment after y/bff/n dropped you back off after your afternoon together and you were glad for the few hours of a distraction, but now your mind was fully occupied with him once again as you sat on your couch.

The knock on your door caused you to jump, hoping up and checking your appearance in your hall mirror before swinging open the door, seeing Harry standing their with a bouquet of flowers, a small smile on his face.

“Got these for you,” he began, “shoulda showed up with them when I kinda crashed into you earlier… but I was so nervous I didn’t think about it, honestly.”

“Thank you.” You softly replied, eyeing up at him and taking them from his grip, letting out a shaky breath as you welcome him in and turn on your heel, going to your kitchen to place them into a vase quickly before going back to him, seeing him in the same spot you two were sitting in earlier.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry again… and thank you for letting me come back and talk to you at all, really don’t deserve your time, but I’m thankful for it.” He began, eyes glued onto yours as he scooted closer to you when you sat down, his fingers tentatively trailing on your arm before laying his hand on your own, “I… I want you back, y/n. I want to be with you, I never stopped wanting just you.”

“Harry, I… I don’t know what to say.” You started, “I just… there’s so much still up in the air and it’s all happening so fast. Are you still with Olivia?”

“No, of course not.” He instantly answered, “we were never anything real, I left Italy when I went to the house and you were gone. I came back here and I just… I would sit outside your building in my car and just try and get the nerve to walk in to talk to you, but I was so scared of you telling me to leave again.” Harry started deep into your eyes as he continued, his own welling up with tears, “I love you so much and I was such an idiot and fuck baby… I’ll do anything to prove it you.”

Now, you two were just inches apart, his hand cupping your cheek as you leaned into it, eyes glued onto his eyes as both of your gazes were glassy, sets of eyes wandering down to one another’s lips. Your eyes fluttered up and looked at him, his nose nudging into yours, seeming to test the boundary and you simply nodded, causing him to connect your lips in an instant.

Your lips met softly, gaining speed as the passion overflowed you both as the familiar move came back easier than either of you could have imagined. You both moaned into one another’s mouths, his tongue quickly sliding past your lips as your crawled onto his lap, fingers gripping the soft material of his shirt.

Things escalated quickly as he carried you into your bedroom, body hovering over yours as his body pressed against yours, the articles of clothing disappearing piece by piece, lips never separating a second longer than they had to you as you refamilarized yourselves with one another.

His fingers dug their way into your waist as he kissed you harder, singular pieces of thin material being the only things separating you and as Harrys fingers slipped down, pulling back and looking up at you for permission, your breath caught in your throat, reality hitting you like a wave.

“I can’t do this.” You whispered, fingers removing themselves from his hair as you covered your face, voice wavering as tears welled up in your eyes once again, “I-it’s all too much, too fast- I-I, I don’t think I can do this, Harry- I can’t.”

“Fuck, it’s okay.” He whispered, crawling off from on top of you, scrambling to pick his t shirt off the floor and handing to you, quickly covering your body with it, “Fuck, I’m sorry, did I hurt you?”

You nodded quickly, knees tucking into your chest as you let out soft cries, flinching as his arm came around you, going to comfort you with the soft stroke of his arm and retracted it quickly after seeing your reaction.

“I-I… I just keep seeing you and her in my head.” You whispered, “…I don’t know if I can do this.”

[artificialqueens]

Level Up, Chapter Eleven (Branjie) - Holtzmanns

“I don’t think I could come up with anything negative about you.”

Brooke’s eyes are sincere as she says it, and Vanessa’s heart starts to beat just a little bit faster. Vanessa’s a person who’s always on the go, not one to slow down if she doesn’t have to but Brooke has the ability to make her world pause for just a second. Brooke changes Vanessa’s focus from what’s in front of her to solely her, and Vanessa almost wishes she could keep it there forever.

It’s never that hard for Vanessa to come up with words to reply with, especially not towards Brooke, but her brain feels like it has shuddered to a stop, pressing on the brakes because the small smile on Brooke’s face is more important to focus on. She could say something stupid, something funny, maybe return the sentiment but she doesn’t get a chance to decide on what to do before Yvie lets out a scoff.

“Except for your dislike of Chicken Little. That’s a negative if I’ve ever seen one.”

AN: Hi, I'm still alive, I promise. Popping back into this lovely fic nearly eight months later (a new job, a new apartment, a new city, and a new cat later too) and I love it just as much as I did in January. Eight months is good for plot to marinate and develop and I'm excited to get back to writing this fic again. If you're still around for this journey, thank you and know I'm so grateful for it. Please do tell me your thoughts if you read! Thank you writ for betaing ily <3

“So you have that interview with Glamour, I’ll set it up for some time this week, and Teen Vogue wants to do something on their Youtube channel. Who knew that was a thing? I’m working on Adidas’ rep to finagle a sponsorship outta them, and Under Armour on the backburner just in case-”

Vanessa bursts through the doors of the gym while Detox continues talking in her ear, not at all apologetic about the way that she has to interrupt her as she ambles towards Brooke’s office. “Just reached the gym. We’ll have to continue this later, ‘cause training waits for no one, right?”

“I see exactly what you’re doing, but I’m not mad at it. Go work on building those boxing skills that’ll keep lining your pockets for years. Toodles!”

Vanessa lets out a snort when Detox hangs up the phone. “Toodles? Who the hell says that?”

“Detox?” Brooke looks up from her book, an amused smile on her face. “I know that trick.”

“What trick?” Vanessa squints her eyes as she sits down, trying to read the cover of Brooke’s paperback. “Are you reading Chicken Soup for the Soul? ”

Brooke waves a hand. “Doesn’t matter. And the trick of dipping out of Detox’s phone calls. Why else would you get to the gym so early?”

“Oh, come on. I’m early sometimes. Occasionally,” Vanessa grins, and Brooke doesn’t buy it in the least from the way she raises an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe not. I like Detox, I really do, don’t get me wrong. She’s hysterical and good at her job, real good at it, but damn.”

“Detox works hard,” Brooke nods, understanding in her eyes. “It’s a lot to handle sometimes.”

“She cranks up the exposure by a million and targets it in specific places and it works, ‘cause I have a lot of followers and deals now but…”

“But what?”

Brooke leans forward, pushing her book to the side as she looks earnestly at Vanessa. It’s striking, sometimes, how Brooke gives her full attention. How much she cares sometimes.

It’s nice.

“It feels real wild, y’know? Like all I did was become a meme, and now my face is going to be in a Spotify commercial. How does that jump happen?” Vanessa shifts in her chair, letting out a sigh. “It’s only been a few weeks.”

It’s as if Vanessa is riding in a car that’s only getting faster and faster, not quite in control of the steering wheel or knowing when she’s going to be able to stop. Sure, the ride is fun, but it also feels like she’s driving without a license, as if she’s skipped the learner’s permit stage and hit the highway instead.

“She wants to capitalize on it as much as possible. Keep you in the spotlight even after the next big meme rolls around,” Brooke shrugs, before pausing for a second, a look of concern in her eyes. “It’s not too much, is it? I can always talk to Detox with you if you feel like it’s overwhelming-”

“Nah, I’ll survive,” Vanessa shrugs, giving her best reassuring smile to Brooke. “Lush sent me some free shit the other day. I like goodie bags.”

Brooke snorts. “Fair enough. Bath bombs are a reason to keep going.”

“Want some? I got enough for a month's worth of spa days.” Vanessa makes a mental note to bring some of the freebies for Brooke on their next practice. She’s earned half of everything, at least.

“You have any of the sakura ones?” Brooke is tentative with her question, and Vanessa nods enthusiastically.

“You’re getting all of ‘em.”

“Now, hold on a second-”

“It’s six. Don’t we have practice to start?” Vanessa’s up and out of the office before Brooke can protest any further. “I’m gonna go change.”

Practice is nice. Practice feels familiar amongst all the new chaos in Vanessa’s life. It lets her turn her brain off and get away from the people that recognize her out in public, the way her Instagram is now solely for sponsored posts. The way she feels like a caricature of herself, almost, because others have an opinion of who she is based on a ten second video clip.

But practice isn’t like that. In the gym, Brooke is the same as ever, pushing and pushing her until sweat is drenching her back and her mind is spinning and she feels more alive than she ever has. When Brooke throws moves at Vanessa that she has to work in overdrive to block and counter with some of her own, it’s familiar. Even though she’s tired and gasping for breath, it’s what she knows how to do, and in an environment that isn’t unsettling or foreign.

The best part about it? Vanessa can still feel herself learning. Growing. Stepping up to the challenges that Brooke throws at her. Sure, she’s not aching to get back into the competition ring anytime soon, but the approving smiles from Brooke when she gets in a good hit or when she avoids a shot that would previously knock her on the ground gives her a thrill every time.

The end of practice leaves Vanessa with a new sense of longing that’s only been present the last few weeks, since this whole meme mess has started. Leaving the gym is hard, because it means Vanessa has to go outside again, pull her hat down when passerby on the sidewalk give her a second look. She has to unlock her phone and pretend to be busy, but then she’s faced with comments pouring in on every social media account that she opens. She can text one of her friends but it’s hard to continue a conversation, really, after it starts with a rousing Miss Vanjie, no matter how much in jest.

Being outside the gym means that she’s reminded of her new loss of normalcy.

She takes her time switching back into her sweats after she showers, dragging her feet as she leaves the change room with her gym bag slung over her shoulder. When she squints her eyes she can see Brooke at the far end of the gym, teetering on a stool as she repositions one of the crooked banners. Brooke turns around almost as if she can tell Vanessa is there, a good natured smile and an easy wave following immediately.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Need any help?” Vanessa’s stalling a bit by asking, but maybe Brooke really could use a hand with the banners, or at least an extra set of eyes to make sure that they’re nice and straight.

She’s just helpful, that’s all.

Brooke, to her credit, doesn’t call Vanessa out for it as she squints, admiring her handiwork. “I think they’re as aligned as they’re ever going to be. I’m going to get ready to leave for the night, too.”

“Oh,” Vanessa doesn’t mean to sound a little disappointed as Brooke jumps off the stool, fiddling with the jacket that’s slung across her arm. “Already?”

“It’s almost eight thirty,” Brooke points out, padding past Vanessa towards her office door and grabbing her coat off of the hook. “You’re not tired and ready to go home yet?”

“I just…”

Vanessa trails off, looking down at the ground. She’s not sure what to say, really. All that’s waiting for her is her apartment, but she can’t mindlessly scroll Twitter or Instagram before bed without seeing her face again. She needs to reply to her friends’ texts, but the notifications are piling up on top of one another like a mountain that she’s not really sure how she’s going to climb.

Vanessa just wants to avoid it all.

Brooke pauses, and each second that passes makes Vanessa’s heart constrict because maybe she should just try to explain, but she doesn’t know how to and it feels like too much-

“C’mon. My roommate and I are having a late dinner and rewatching Chicken Little. Are you in for a nacho night?”

Brooke’s looking at her expectantly and Vanessa wants to say yes, but what pops out of her mouth is what’s pressing on her even more. “Did you say rewatching Chicken Little?”

“It’s a good movie!” Brooke’s defensiveness makes Vanessa crack a smile despite how restless she feels, how much she’s fidgeting while standing in place. “Come over and you’ll see.”

“Y’know, we haven’t talked about movies before, but this recommendation is making me question what your taste is like,” Vanessa lets out a giggle, when Brooke’s mock offense takes over her face as she puts a hand to her heart.

“The disrespect. You’re not getting nachos with those kinds of statements,” Brooke grabs Vanessa’s gym bag, slinging it over her shoulder as she holds the door open. “Now c’mon.”

Brooke’s apartment is not what Vanessa expects - there are colours and tapestries lining the walls and even one on the ceiling, and she’s pretty sure she sees a bong on top of the refrigerator. It’s pretty, though, with the art splashed across every free surface and the shelves filled with books upon books, piles of even more on the actual floor. Vanessa has to resist the urge to go and sit down on the wicker chair in front of the television that’s suspended from the ceiling.

“Yvie’s the one behind the decor.” Brooke has a knowing smile on her face and Vanessa can feel her cheeks heat up, from how easily Brooke can read her mind. “Moved in a few years ago after she broke up with a long term partner. Never really got around to adding things of my own to the walls.”

Vanessa snickers before she can even get her joke out properly. “What would you add? A Chicken Little poster?”

Brooke, for her part, doesn’t miss a beat. “Nah. A poster of your meme.”

“Wow-”

“I know we were thinking nachos, but picture this. Chicken nuggets while we watch Chicken Little.” A girl with bright green hair pops her head out from behind a door, waving at the two of them.

Vanessa waves back, her eyebrows lifting higher and higher on her forehead when she realizes how tall the girl is as she walks closer. Even Brooke has to look up at her which is a strange sight on its own, considering how much Brooke towers over Vanessa.

Then again, Vanessa’s used to being the short one.

“Vanessa here is doubting the movie’s genius,” Brooke raises an eyebrow, and the girl lets out a fake gasp.

“Um, not a movie. Chicken Little is a film. An artistic masterpiece.”

“Are you two the presidents of the Chicken Little fan club?” Vanessa asks, as Brooke sticks her tongue out at her.

“Yes. And no, you can’t join.”

It’s interesting how Brooke’s work demeanor has dropped now that she’s in her own apartment, her normally squared shoulders a little more relaxed. It reminds Vanessa of when they went roller skating, seeing how much fun Brooke had while pulling her around the rink.

Vanessa wants to see more of it.

Brooke points at her roommate as the girl sticks out a hand. “Ness, this is Yvie. Yvie, Vanessa. I’m coaching her.”

“You’re introducing her as if I haven’t heard you talk about her every single day for the last however many months,” Yvie drawls and Brooke’s sputter is immediate, making Vanessa’s breath hitch a little in her throat.

Brooke talks about her?

Yvie pats Brooke on the back as if she’s choking on her water rather than on some words, sticking her other hand out for Vanessa to shake. “You’re Brooke’s favourite student. Also her only student, technically, but still a favourite nonetheless.”

Brooke’s cheeks are bright pink and Vanessa can’t deny that the sight is adorable, seeing her flustered for once. Still. Brooke probably recaps their training sessions and nothing more.

“As long as it’s mostly positive,” Vanessa shrugs, and the way Brooke emphatically nods makes her feel better than she wants to admit.

“I don’t think I could come up with anything negative about you.”

Brooke’s eyes are sincere as she says it, and Vanessa’s heart starts to beat just a little bit faster. Vanessa’s a person who’s always on the go, not one to slow down if she doesn’t have to but Brooke has the ability to make her world pause for just a second. Brooke changes Vanessa’s focus from what’s in front of her to solely her, and Vanessa almost wishes she could keep it there forever.

It’s never that hard for Vanessa to come up with words to reply with, especially not towards Brooke, but her brain feels like it has shuddered to a stop, pressing on the brakes because the small smile on Brooke’s face is more important to focus on. She could say something stupid, something funny, maybe return the sentiment but she doesn’t get a chance to decide on what to do before Yvie lets out a scoff.

“Except for your dislike of Chicken Little. That’s a negative if I’ve ever seen one.”

The platter of chicken nuggets that Yvie places on the coffee table with a flourish is impressive, to say the least. There’s a little bowl of ketchup on the side, along with sweet and sour sauce and something that looks to be...ranch?

Whatever it is, Vanessa’s nose wrinkles at the sight. “Which one of you eats ranch with chicken nuggets? Is that legal?”

Yvie’s cackle and Brooke’s flushed cheeks tell Vanessa all she needs to know as she plops down beside Brooke on the couch, nudging her side. “Really?”

“The flavour combination is great!” Brooke mutters, grabbing a chicken nugget and dipping it in the ranch for posterity, holding it up close to Vanessa’s face. “Try it.”

Vanessa scooches herself towards the edge of the couch, away from the chicken nugget and the ranch that’s slowly dripping down like a melting ice cream. “Absolutely not.”

“It’s delicious-”

“It’s cursed-”

“More for me, then,” Brooke tosses the chicken nugget into her mouth, and Vanessa’s not sure, really, how she’s handling the flavours together without puking. “You’re missing out.”

“Very happy to miss out on that, thank you very much. I’ll take the ketchup.”

It turns out that Chicken Little isn’t so bad with Yvie and Brooke peppering in commentary as they watch, and Vanessa finds herself getting swept into the plot, as ridiculous as it is. The glass of cider that Yvie’s brought for each of them is making Vanessa feel a little more relaxed, her shoulders not as stiff anymore as she leans against the back of the couch. It’s fun to watch Brooke’s face, really, and the way she lights up while quoting the movie as it plays.

Vanessa makes a mental note to invite Brooke over to watch more movies. Better movies. Expand her palate. Chicken Little cannot be at the top of Brooke’s movie pyramid, not when there are better choices available, like Pretty Woman. Sure, Vanessa’s not exactly a film connoisseur herself, but still. Anything beats Chicken Little, right?

Maybe it’s just the cider settling in, maybe it’s the full stomach of chicken nuggets, but...it’s nice. Comfortable. Vanessa pulls her feet up behind her on the couch before grabbing a throw pillow to hug on her lap, and really, she could fall asleep right where she’s sitting, even to the dulcet tones of the main chicken character screaming about an alien invasion. Brooke looks over as Vanessa settles herself more into the couch, her expression unreadable but then she reaches over the back of the couch, grabbing the throw blanket behind them.

“Wanna share? It’s kinda cold.”

It’s not cold and Vanessa knows it, she knows that Brooke does too, but Brooke’s face is soft and tentative and adorable and sharing a blanket with her would make the couch situation even more cozy.

Plus, she can cuddle with Brooke, because Brooke is tall and thus is a tall, comfortable cushion to lean against.

Brooke throws the blanket across both of them and Vanessa scoots closer to her so that their laps are covered, the fabric fuzzy and warm. The side of Vanessa’s upper thigh leans against Brooke’s and she’s not sure why she’s so hyper aware of the fact, or why Brooke’s arm across the back of the couch makes her want to snuggle in even closer.

It’s just Brooke, after all. Brooke, who’s seen her when she’s all sweaty and about to collapse on the gym floor. Brooke, who had been there at her worst after the last tournament and still wants to coach her and spend time with her. Brooke, whose secret love for Twilight will never fail to make Vanessa laugh.

If it’s just Brooke, then why is Vanessa’s heart taking flight in her chest when Brooke starts to absentmindedly trace patterns on her palm? She doesn’t know why Brooke’s touch is lighting up a pattern of sparks on her skin either, or why Brooke’s side is so comfortable to lean against. Why Vanessa almost wishes that the movie could go on forever, so that she can stay warm and safe under Brooke’s arm that’s now draped across her shoulders.

Maybe Vanessa doesn’t need answers for all of those questions, not yet, not if finding out the answers would mean disrupting the delicate balance that hangs in the air between them. Brooke shuffles a little bit and when Vanessa’s head ends up against her chest, she can feel the way Brooke’s heart is beating, surely faster than any heart should. It’s a contrast from how seemingly relaxed the rest of Brooke’s body is, how her arms around Vanessa aren’t tense, restricting, but rather grounding, pulling her down.

Leaning back against Brooke is warm, familiar. It’s a feeling of home in a situation so novel, so different from how they usually are, like pulling on a sweater that Vanessa’s not sure how she’s ever lived without. Maybe, just maybe, Vanessa doesn’t ever have to take it off.

Vanessa doesn’t realize that the credits start rolling on the screen until Yvie rolls off of the lilac armchair, reaching for the remote on the coffee table. She lets out a yawn, stretching her arms up high before shutting off the TV. “I, for one, am exhausted. And as fun as this was, it’s my bedtime.”

Brooke snickers, and Vanessa can feel the way her chest reverberates underneath her. “You and I both know you’re about to go Facetime Scarlet.”

“That’s what bedtime means,” Yvie wiggles her eyebrows, and Brooke’s noise of disgust is immediate.

“Horrifying. You two better keep it down this time. My ears still haven’t recovered from overhearing you both last week,” Brooke shudders as Yvie cackles, shutting the door to her bedroom with a click.

Vanessa turns in Brooke’s grip, shooting a questioning look. Surely Yvie can’t be louder than the average person on Facetime. “Overhearing what?”

Brooke makes a face, the haunted look in her eyes almost comedic from the way that she sighs. “Let me put it this way. Yvie and her girlfriend are in a long distance relationship, which is hard on them for a multitude of reasons. One of them being their libidos.”

“Their libidos…” Vanessa trails off, her face falling when she realizes what Brooke means. “Oh no. Not that. Tell me not that.”

“Exactly that. They’re quieter over Facetime than they are when Scarlet visits, at least. That’s a blessing.”

Vanessa shudders. Sure, she’s not exactly quiet in bed either, but the thought of people on the other side of the wall being able to hear everything is horrifying, especially because of the fact that she lives with Alexis. Her sister does not need to know details about her sex life, that’s for sure.

Still, Vanessa wonders how loud Yvie must be. “How do they even make so much noise with phone sex, anyway? Yodel?”

“Mating calls that would fit in perfectly in a National Geographic documentary,” Brooke lets out a snicker, her hand clapping over her mouth when Yvie lets out an ‘I heard that!’ from behind her bedroom door. “Still, glad I’m not about to suffer through overhearing it alone. You’ve saved my evening.”

Vanessa snorts, pulling back from Brooke’s embrace to face her, leaning against the back of the couch. “Glad to be of service.”

Brooke is softness and kindness and contentment all at once, and the easy smile on her face is one that Vanessa feels so lucky to see the longer and longer that she knows her. It’s moments like these that Vanessa wants to hold on to forever - when Brooke’s guard is down, when her posture is relaxed and she’s looking over with eyes that Vanessa could drown in. She wants to package up this version of Brooke that isn’t tethered by reminders of her past, or with upholding a legacy that defines her whether she likes it or not. At times like this, Brooke isn’t a boxer with her father’s last name, or Vanessa’s coach responsible for facilitating her success. She’s just Brooke, a girl whose gaze is so mesmerizing that makes Vanessa’s breathing hitch in her throat without even realizing it.

Brooke holds out a hand and it’s almost second nature for Vanessa to link her fingers with hers, their hands fitting together in a way that doesn’t make sense, not when Vanessa’s hands are so much smaller. But Brooke’s grip is an anchor that keeps her from floating away, one that centers her and lets her focus on the upward curve of Brooke’s lips, the softness of her eyes when she smiles.

Except then Brooke’s brow is furrowing, a hint of concern in her eyes that Vanessa wants to brush away for her. “You okay? You’re quieter than usual.”

Vanessa can feel her face heating up as she stutters, pulling her eyes away from Brooke’s face to focus on the stitching along the couch cushions. “I’m fine. I...nothing.”

She can’t exactly go out and tell Brooke, someone who’s a coach and also a friend for that matter, that she’s just a little bit mesmerized by her face. Not something that’s likely to go over well.

Vanessa’s past relationships have been nothing short of peacocking, making herself known to those she’s had an interest in because they’d inevitably chase her right back. She knows her worth, knows how to go after what she wants, but…

What does she even want, now?

She doesn’t want Brooke, she can’t, not when Brooke is her coach and someone who’s becoming more and more important towards every aspect of her life, someone who she texts when she wakes up in the morning and who she’s messaging as she’s falling asleep.

Brooke’s not the type of person that Vanessa can parade around and go on a few dates with while drinking the cheapest wine on the menu for shits and giggles. She’s not someone that Vanessa can let go of easily, the way she’s had to with previous relationships that didn’t work out. Brooke is different from them.

She’s not disposable, not someone that Vanessa wants to let go of from her life. She isn’t someone that Vanessa can let go of at this point, because the thought of not seeing her amused expressions in the gym or the pride on her face while they’re training is too much to deal with. Vanessa’s only beginning to read through Brooke’s pages to learn more about her, and finding out little details that make her want to melt and pull Brooke just a little closer to her heart.

Brooke is too important.

Sure, Vanessa’s breath hitches in her chest whenever Brooke pulls her closer, and maybe Brooke’s smile is enough to drown out any background noise buzzing around them, but Vanessa also knows that she falls hard. And fast. She’s impulsive, following what her heart tells her to do and most of the time, she can deal with the consequences because she knows she’ll be able to get back up again.

But if this is a miscalculation? If saying something means that they’ll end up in pieces that neither of them will be able to put back together?

It’s too big of a risk. At least, for now.

Vanessa can’t be the one to take the jump off the cliff, not yet.

So she smiles, puts on the most reassuring expression that she can, hoping that it’s enough to soothe the concern that splays itself across Brooke’s features. “Really, I am. Just thinking about all the press shenanigans that Detox has lined up for me tomorrow.”

It’s enough for Brooke’s features to relax just a little bit, the smile on her face almost nostalgic. “I’m glad it’s you now, and not me, on Detox’s receiving end. She’s ruthless in the best way.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

There’s a sinking feeling in Vanessa’s chest by going for the cop out, but...she has no other choice. It’s not the way she normally handles situations like this, a fact made clear by how much she has to push down the butterflies in her stomach, and hide them behind a door so that they don’t escape and ruin stakes that feel too high, too much of a risk.

Still, Vanessa’s a bit of a sucker for punishment, and so when Brooke pulls her closer into a hug, it’s as easy as breathing to snuggle into her and rest her head against her chest, because Brooke’s arms are warm and safe and manage to slow her thinking down just a bit.

Part of Vanessa feels like she can handle it and hold herself back from doing anything stupid, if only to not mess everything up. She can be this close to Brooke and not have her chest split in two and maybe it’s a blessing, and something that she has to hold on to. Except that by leaning against Brooke, she can feel how fast Brooke’s heart is beating, threatening to escape from her chest before she can possibly stop it. It’s a contrast from the gentle way that Brooke’s fingers run through her hair, betraying the calmness on the outside that she’s trying so hard to convey.

Maybe Vanessa’s not the only one holding back. Maybe Brooke also feels it, maybe she’s also teetering on the bridge that Vanessa’s trying her best not to lose her footing on, and the thought gives Vanessa pause for a second, because maybe the risk is one they can manage, something they can work with...

No. No.

They can’t.

Not if it would lead to everything falling to pieces around them, not if it would mean no more training and no more Brooke in general. Because that’s how relationships always seem to end, don’t they?

As much as Vanessa has always wanted the romantic movie ending and a kiss in the rain, it hasn’t happened to her yet, much to her teenage self’s disappointment. There’s too much on the line to see if Brooke will be the one to veer her onto a different path and change the outcome.

So, Vanessa has to be happy with what she’s getting now, this friendship with Brooke and the coaching and accept it for all that it’s worth. Because Brooke’s important, maybe the most important person in Vanessa’s life and she has to take what she gets.

She’s lucky enough to have it in the first place, after all.

[irwinkitten]

got lucky | c.h

requested by anon: ok so for the bi!reader concept: last year i ended my relationship w this girl the main reason was because she was really insecure and jealous especially about me being bisexual like anytime i would talk to a guy she would just get so upset about it and she would make such gross biphobic comments and at the time i had so much internalised biphobia that i tried to convince myself i was gay n stayed in the relationship longer than i should have because i rly liked her i guess lol anyways (1/4) we ended and a while afterwards i started seeing this guy who i’d known of for ages (friends of friends type situation) but we just never really talked before or hung out but from the first date we clicked and the sex was crazy good like the type of sex were ur ditching ur vibrators cuz he’s that good lmao so one weekend we went to this party together and of course she is also there, i was so surprised and i could see her eyeing us the whole night, so when she came over i was anxious af (2/4) and this guy knew i was bi! it was no secret, i worked really hard to accept myself! so she comes over and she deadass goes “are you straight now? i knew you would end up with a man!” and she’s all smug but also hurt and im standing there like what the fuck and THEN this dumb man goes “ha guess the sex is so good i made her straight again” and i’m literally about to cry over how gross the whole interaction is and im so shocked i can’t even defend myself, i dumped him that night obviously (3/) last messgae: so basically can you pls do a redo of the gross situation where instead of being with that dumb guy its with calum and he is so protective n sweet n NORMAL n encourages u to stand up for urself about bisexuality / your sexuality, because what happened to me happens too often and its disgusting and gross and no one deserves that!! only if u feel comfortable/inspired tho, no pressure!! love u laura, thank u for creating such a safe space for all the queer babies it means a lot 💘 notes: i kinda enjoyed writing this one esp for my sweet anon baby. i love u and i hope this is everything you wanted ♥  warnings: biphobia, implications of emotional abuse

word count: 3.2k

donate to my ko-fi here

-

“Hey what’cha doing sweets?” Calum’s voice pulled you from your musings, your hand idly tracing patterns against the paper but the pen remaining on the desk. You wrenched your thoughts from the spiral you seemed to have fallen down, a smile crossing your lips as you felt your heart flutter at the sight of him.

“Nothin’. Just thinking.” You finally replied as he pulled up one of the spare chairs next to you, the bustling activity of the coffee shop falling into your background noise as his thigh pressed against yours.

“Really? Normally you doodle when you’re just thinking.” He countered with ease and your eyes dropped to the paper, noticing that the pen remained where you’d placed it when you first sat down. Subconsciously you must’ve realised that the route your thoughts had gone were not suitable to put down on paper, your fingers picking up the pen and mind falling blank immediately.

“Oh.” You breathed before placing the pen back down and packing away the pad and pen.

“What’s running through your head, doll?” Calum’s voice was quiet and concerned, you shrugged.

“Just, a lot on my mind is all. You’re not my keeper just because we’ve slept together.” You admitted quietly and he frowned before picking up his bag and for a sinking second you thought he was going to walk off, but instead, he took your bag from your hands and slung it over his shoulder. 

He looked back at you expectantly and you sighed before standing up, leaving the coffee shop with him, your eyes on the floor as you fell into step next to him.

“Your place or mine?”

“E’s gonna be home and I don’t want to hear them rant about me bringing people back.” You muttered and Calum nodded. 

“I think Ash is out. He’ll probably head out to Luke’s if I show up with you.” At his smirk, you rolled your eyes fondly before shoving him towards the bus stop. His indignant “hey!” was only ignored as you two waited for the bus, his arm slung over your shoulders.

Selfishly, you leaned into his touch, trying to ignore the fact that your stomach was doing flips at his touch alone. 

The bus journey was a quiet ten minutes, but Calum seemed to understand that you weren’t willing to talk with so many people around, so he was content to just keep you close, and you were unwilling to pull away until his stop came up.

When you reached his shared house with Ashton, you noted that the car was gone from the driveway and Calum smirked.

“Looks like he’s out. C’mon.” His hand tucked around yours and pulled you inside. And for a second you wondered if you could distract him with sex, but then the guilt appeared and you could feel the tears of frustration appear as your thoughts swirled and you felt dizzy.

Calum had stepped ahead, turning to see you stood leaning against the closed door, head in your hands and he knew something was wrong. Stepping back to you, he dropped your bags and took your hand in his, pulling you upstairs to his room and your stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“Cal I-”

“I’m not suggesting that.” He muttered. You fell silent at that and as he pulled you into his room, you felt unsure, but he gave you no chance to really deny him as he crawled into bed before opening his arms out to you.

“Cal.”

“I know you. You don’t do emotional stuff well but I’m here for a cuddle and an ear if you need it.” You fell into the embrace easily, your head resting on his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his lips finding your temple as you finally felt something in you snap, the surge of emotions overwhelming and frighteningly vivid. 

“I keep telling myself that I never was a lesbian, that I still found men attractive but Poppy made me feel like having that attraction was stupid since I was dating her and that I was a lesbian and it’s so fucking confusing because I like you, but I can hear her voice screeching that I’m not right, that I’m a lesbian or faking it or a freak.” And for the first time since you left Poppy, you cried.

Calum had been waiting for this. When the split had happened, you’d been ready for it, you’d already left her mentally, but this was what he knew you needed. He knew that the relationship with her had been toxic, but you’d never revealed the extent of her behaviour. 

His heart broke.

“Just because you like both men and women does not mean you should feel so guilty over your sexuality. There’s a B in LGBT for a reason, doll. That’s you. You’re bisexual and you should be proud of that, not ashamed because some bitch with a control issue couldn’t handle the fact that you liked more than women.” 

You found yourself gripping his shirt with your fists as you pressed your face into his chest, trying to stem the tears that seemed relentless. But Calum held his silence whilst you got it out of your system, knowing that you needed to get this off your chest. 

“I’m sorry.” You finally got out, but he simply shushed you. 

“She was a shitty person with an attitude to show. You shouldn’t apologise for the bitch.” His words were simple but it gave you a breath of ease, pulling away as hands rubbed your shoulders gently. 

He was definitely too good to you, but he was there for you regardless and you were certain that you loved him for that.

“There’s gonna be a party on the other side of town in a couple of weeks. Ash took over the old Firefly down on Hartley. He’s revamping before opening the bar to the public. You fancy going?” And you smiled at the gentle distraction he was offering. 

“We get at least a free drink if we show up, right?” And Calum laughed as he kissed your temple. 

“He wouldn’t say no to me. Or you. In fact, I’m almost certain he’s expecting me to do full introductions on that night since Luke and Mike will be there with the others and their girls.” You rolled your eyes. 

“It’s not like I went to school with Luke or anything.” Came your sarcastic retort and Calum laughed as the two of you settled for the evening. 

“Pretty sure Luke last saw you when you started dating Poppy. He’s put two and two together but he won’t say anything unless you mention it. Even then he knows it’s not his place.” Your heart seemed to swell another size in affection for Luke. 

“You’re making it difficult for me to not fall in love with you Cal. Good dick, you know how to use those lips and fingers of yours, you make me feel like I belong and you respect boundaries without me having to ask.” You finally muttered and Calum gave you an almost wistful smile. 

“You may have been with Poppy but that didn’t stop me from being friends with you. You’re someone I’ve genuinely cared about from day one. Not gonna chuck that away because of who you are. Plus growing up with my mom and sister almost made certain I’d be in touch with my feminine side.” He teased but the sincerity and understanding in his tone eased your shoulders. 

Your features softened at the admittance and you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Then I definitely got lucky to have you in my life at least, falling in love or not.”

—

When the day of the party rolled around, you felt sick with nerves and you couldn’t understand why. 

When Calum rolled up to pick you up—he was driving to Luke’s who lived closest to the bar and you’d both get a ride back to yours before he picked up his car the following morning—he could see the nerves and the grimace on his face spoke volumes. 

“What?” You all but demanded when you were debating outfits. He’d been sitting on the bed watching, but got up and held his hands out to you. 

You took them hesitantly. His thumbs almost immediately started to soothe across the back of your hands to help relax you. 

“Word has gotten around that Poppy is planning to show up. We haven’t exactly been quiet about our relationship, but I didn’t think she’d pull something like this.” And your stomach churned uncomfortably. 

“We’re still going. Ashton promised free drinks and we’ll be in the VIP area right?” You checked and Calum nodded.

“Ashton has already told the bouncers that she’s not allowed near the VIP section. They’re checking and rechecking the lists to make sure she isn’t on one of them.” He explained and you let out a breath of air. 

“Okay. It’ll be fine. It’s being handled and I’ve got you. Now which outfit do you think I should wear?” He studied your face for a second before a smile broke across his lips. 

“The dark purple with the deep plunge. Is it wrong of me to flaunt in her face what she lost?” And you laughed as you kissed him. 

“I mean, yes. But I also know that you want to show me off properly now that we’ve got things really settled.” You murmured and he grinned back unabashedly. 

It was still an uphill battle, but he’d given you a lot to think about. And after gentle convincing, you’d found an LGBT friendly therapist who helped you process your thoughts. It helped you come to terms with accepting the toxic relationship that you’d been in but also it highlighted how beneficial Calum had been as a friend and confidant. 

It also gave you the courage to ask Calum out officially, wanting to be with him entirely and not just in the evenings. 

He took that in his stride and things shifted once more between the two of you. When you opened up to him about some of your sessions, you knew that your trust had been well placed because he never indicated anything to his friends and so you were never subjected to pitying stares or glares. 

You were almost sure that you’d fall in love with him faster than you fell for Poppy. 

The drive to Luke’s was filled with your nerves. You hadn’t seen Luke in years and you were also meeting his two other friends, Ashton and Michael as well as their partners. 

“Ashton’s excited to finally meet you and stop telling me to be careful when I go to yours.” 

Despite Calum living with Ashton, your schedules never seemed to match and more often than not, Calum could be found at your place, a small sanctuary from your hectic lives. 

Ashton never begrudged that time you shared together, but Calum had mentioned a few times about how snappy he was being on the subject. 

“He’ll chill when he realises I’m not out to break your heart or steal something.” You muttered with a chuckle. Calum snorted in return as he pulled into Luke’s driveway. 

Your nerves return full force as he pulls you to the front door and steps in like he lives there. 

“Hey fuckers, anyone about?” He called through and was met with calls of confirmation, another yell following that they were in the dining room. Your fingers squeezed Calum’s tightly and he didn’t hesitate to return it, his thumb soothing across the skin on the back of your hand.

“Look who it is!” A voice crowed loudly as he stepped into the dining room, followed by loud calls of greetings. 

There was a flurry of introductions and you felt like the spotlight was being shone on you, under scrutiny from his best friends gazes once they had greeted their friend and Calum had introduced you. Or re-introduced you in Luke’s case.

“Well c’mon, the last time I saw you we were leaving school. What’s been happening to you?” Luke finally asked, indicating to the seat next to him. A small smile graced your lips as you sat down, Calum falling into the seat next to you as you shrugged. 

“Life I guess? It’s been definitely more interesting with the different jobs and moving about. Building up a social life again.” Luke’s face filled with a frown at that. 

Michael came in next. 

“Building up a social life? Did you not have one?” His words held an innocent curiosity, yet you felt yourself hesitate. 

“My ex was controlling to the point that I couldn’t do anything without their permission. They managed to make me believe that no one really wanted me around and I lost touch with old friends, like Luke.” You glanced to the side and he was frowning. 

The others held varying degrees of stunned shock or disapproval. 

“Well then he was a cunt.” Michael muttered and your eyes refused to meet theirs at the assumptions. Luke stayed quiet but his hand rested on your knee, squeezing it. You shot him a gentle smile in return.

“Well it’ll be good to have you back in our lives. Especially with these two knuckleheads.” He nodded at Ashton and Michael who immediately protested and you laughed. 

It felt like you’d known them for years as you all had a few shots. Ashton, despite being the owner of the bar, wasn’t worried about turning up with his friends. He’d already explained to his staff that he’d be around for the rest of the night once he arrived and he’d told the small groups he’d be here and there. 

After a handful of shots, the group of you made your way to the bar, your arm linked with Calum’s. There were separate conversations happening between you all, their girlfriends including you on their pamper night whilst the boys discussed a possible games night for all of you. 

When you arrived at the club, you saw the queue of people waiting to get in and the subsequent groans from the line as the bouncer let you in, no questions asked. 

Ashton guided the group of you to the VIP section and the music was still loud but you could still hear each other talking. You were chatting away with Luke’s girlfriend, arm still linked with Calum’s as Ashton disappeared to get drinks. 

Calum pulled your attention away briefly, his lips by your ear. 

“I’ve spotted her. She’s not seen us yet so don’t worry.” You barely nodded, acknowledging his words as you listened in, fighting to keep your nerves down. 

The night continued and you were all a few drinks deep. Calum’s arm had barely left your waist all night as you talked and danced and drank. You’d been welcomed into his group of friends with an ease you never realised existed. 

You’d deliberately not tried to seek out Poppy, silently praying that the universe would comply. But as the group of you stood out in the smokers area, huddled together under a heating lamp, your stomach sank as she stepped out, her eyes narrowing on you. 

“Fuckin’ knew it!” You could feel the alarm in your face as you stepped back into Calum, his arm going around you protectively. 

“Poppy, you’re drunk.” You felt curious gazes from your new friends, but you didn’t spare them a glance.

“You break up with me and go running to his arms, I knew you weren’t a fuckin lesbian. Pretending to try it out? Just another straight girl seeking attention. Fucking freak.” She snapped and your stomach sank. 

“Get it through your thick head that she’s bisexual.” Calum snapped in your defence, earning a glare from Poppy. But Calum didn’t shrink from the glare, your glance to his face confirmed he was giving her his own. You were mildly impressed that she didn’t back down instantly. 

“She’s a fuckin liar! Years of my life wasted on this bitch.” She spat at your feet and you took in a deep breath. 

“You don’t get to control me anymore, Poppy. I’ve liked both men and women, but you never liked that because it meant that I had more chances of leaving you. And I wished I’d have left you sooner. Calum certainly thought so.” 

“Of course you fucked the first man to pay you any attention.” Your heart sank once more at her declaration and you felt your mind fall into the old trap that you’d fought with for so long. 

“No she never. In fact she slept with a few girls long before she slept with me. But I was her best friend as she tried to deal with the mess you created in her mind.” Calum snapped back. You felt your heart swell for him. 

Poppy stepped forward, her hand raised but then Ashton stepped in front of you. 

“Get out. You’re no longer welcome in this bar.” He made a gesture and security slowly made their way over. 

“She shouldn’t be fucking welcome!” Poppy yelled back, but Ashton held firm. 

“She is my friend. You are not. Get. Out.” When the bouncer rested a hand on her arm, she shrugged it off and stormed away. Your entire body was trembling.

“So that was the ex, huh?” Michael commented and you could feel your hands trembling as you nodded. “Why didn’t you correct me?” Calum spoke up for you as his hands took yours. 

“It’s been a battle for her. Poppy had convinced her she was a lesbian, that she was wrong for having any attraction to men. In Poppy’s world, either your gay, lesbian or straight. Being bisexual isn’t acceptable in her eyes.” Calum’s arms wrapped around you and you stood there, holding onto him for dear life. 

“Well that makes two of us then.” Michael’s casual comment had your knees go weak and you let out a weak laugh. 

“Thank you Ash.” You finally murmured when you pulled away from Calum. Ashton didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a warm hug that was both comforting and reassuring. 

“Hey, you’ve been the best thing for my best mate. And you were friends with Luke once before. I’ve definitely got your back. And I get why you didn’t say anything and don’t hold that against you.” He muttered and you breathed a sigh of relief before returning to Calum’s embrace. 

“More drinks or are we gonna go back to Luke’s?” And you shook your head. 

“Let’s stay. I’m not gonna let her ruin it,” you leaned forwards so your lips were by his ear as the others went inside, “also I want to see if we can christen the bar in one of the toilets.” You breathed. Calum groaned as his grip around you got tighter and he pulled you in for a kiss that promised more. 

“Oh you’re so fucked sweetheart. Especially since I know where the individual lips are and they aren’t attended by anyone.” You held back a moan at that thought before pulling away, your hand in his. 

“Dance first?” And the innocence in your tone made him laugh as he followed behind you willingly. 

“Menace.” The term was laced with affection as he caught up to you, kissing the spot just below your ear. 

You simply grinned in return as you pulled him onto the dance floor, Poppy long forgotten as he danced with you. 

-

@sexgodashton, @goth5sos, @calumsmermaid, @empathycth, @wildflowergrae, @calpops, @rosecolouredash, @cal-puddies, @clockwork124, @loveroflrh, @stellar5sosrecs, @ashtoniwir, @cthla, @liketheydidwithyou, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer​, @bluehairedtracii, @drummerboy794, @feliznavidaddycal, @i-calumhood, @wokeupinjapanisabop, @converse-luke, @madbomb, @ccnicole02, @youngblood199456, @aulxna, @megz1985, @lukesidentitycrisis, @snapback-irwie, @neonweeknds, @666yourwitchyfriend666, @gamerboymike, @cashtonasfuck, @ashtaway, @conquerwhatliesahead92, @itjustkindahappenedreally, @twoamhood, @kchillout, @damselindistressanu, @colormekaykay, @findingliam-o, @sublimehood, @sugarcoated-pain, @singt0mecalum, @singledadharrington​, @calumspeachy​, @colourfulcalum​, @lostincalum​, @burncrashbromance​, @asht0ns-world​, @a-mnd, @flusteredcliffo​, @loti18​, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave​, @clumclum-hood​, @fangirl-everythang​, @lashtondaddies​, @calumssunshine​, @ambskiwi​, @abundant-stars​, @caltattoohood, @seedless-vascular, @myescapefromthislife​, @lmao5sosimagines​, @beyoncesdragon​, @jae-writes-fanfiction​, @cxddlyash​, @tresfandom​, @utterly-u-n-p-e-r-f-e-c-t​, @niallisworld​, @lietomevalntyn​, @babylon-corgis​, @monochrome44​, @behind-my-hazeleyes27​, @ghost0fy0u​, @lyllibug​, @bloodmoonashton​, @balsamic-cal, @calumsbaldhead​, @washedout-ky, @calumssunshinee​, @ghostofmashton​, @summerellaz​, @a-little-less-sixteen​, @cashworthy​, @smokeinherlungs​, @longlastingdaydream​, @h0tsos​, @sweetcherrymike​, @5sosnsfw​, @sugar-nico​, @sunnysideblog, @angel-cal​, @samros95​, @maluminspace​, @lukeinblue​, @cakesunflower​, @allamerican-betch​,  @britnicole11​, @gigglyirwin​, @everyscarisahealingplace, @loverofcashton​, @iovehemmings​, @g-l-pierce​, @jannimoeller3​, @wildmichaelflower​, @lukeskisses​, @5sossstan​, @youngbloodchild​, @alloutofcashton​, @tobefalling​, @abb-lan-5sos​, @calumsbub​, @flameraine​, @here-for-the-uproars​, @mateisit-balsamic​, @ilovelukey​, @sarahshepherdblog​

[terrm9]

CHAPTER 8 - Closure

Never in her life would Chiara expect to find herself getting ready for engagement party of Harper Emery, of all people. But alas, neither would she think that her biggest accessory to the said party would be a wooden cane and yet here she was.

She felt equally nervous and excited about both, the process of getting ready and also the fact that after almost three months, she was going to spend the whole evening in the company of so many people. Considering the fact that Decembers in Boston were disgustingly cold compared to those back in San Francisco, Chiara decided not to test her own ability to not to freeze in the tiny, back cut out navy blue dress she wanted to wear initially, instead reaching for tight, long sleeved emerald green ones. She also succumbed the idea of wearing a thigh high boots, since she still needed to use a cane in spite of walking steadily. She grabbed the pair of black Doc Martens instead, put her hair into purposefully messy bun and stepped into the living room, where Sienna and Jackie were already waiting for her.

���Look at yourself!” Sienna smiled widely when she first noticed her. “Ready to blow some minds tonight?”

“Please, Sienna,” Chiara laughed shortly. “It just felt nice to put some make up on after such long time.”

“Well, you definitely dress to impress, Chiaris,” Jackie nodded, grinning. “I personally prefer undressing to impress, however. Is Lahela joining us?”

Chiara shook her head, going through her purse once again, making sure she wasn’t forgetting anything and without looking up, she shrugged: “He decided to spend tonight with Keiki.”

It was only a half truth. He was spending his night with Keike, but also with Kyra, who wasn’t feeling very well and wouldn’t really enjoy an evening spent at a party. The something going on between Bryce and Kyra, whatever it was, wasn’t exactly top secret, but Chiara knew that Bryce hasn’t told anyone about them yet and she didn’t feel like she should just spill it now.

“Whatever. Aurora is already there and she just texted me saying that the place is full of old doctors and even older teachers, so we really need to hurry up and get drunk with her.”

Sienna grabbed her coat and looked at Chiara, her face concerned.

“Are you sure you want to take the T, Chiara? We can always call a cab.”

“Thanks, Si, but I really want to take the T. I am going back to work in two days, remember? I kinda have to handle the basic life at this point.”

˜

It only took them about 20 minutes to get to the place where the party has been held and it was only when Chiara stepped through the main door that she fully realized that she would probably be meeting Ethan tonight.

Before she could drown herself in the sea of panic, nervousness, doubt and even sadness, she almost got crushed in a hug.

“Chiara, it’s so good to see you! We are all so, so happy that you are getting back!”

Chiara had to take two steps back and blink several times to match the face to the voice and the arms around her.

“Ines,” she smiled wholeheartedly. “I am the happy one. I missed you all. Yep, even you, Zaid,” she laughed as she noticed the older doctor to roll his eyes at the sentimental scene in front of him.

“I haven’t missed you at all, Ray,” he responded without missing a beat. “But I am glad to see that you are doing well.”

He took a sip of his drink and returned to the conversation he had with Ines before and as hard as he tried to look casual, Chiara knew very well that he just told her he actually did miss her.

˜

Ethan Ramsey was sitting at the bar, watching the crowd of people that all came to celebrate the happy couple. He really wanted to go home already, not feeling any of the happy vibes reaching him. The picture of scotch, book and comfort of his bed, was enough for him to dream about leaving, however he couldn’t bring himself to actually do so. It wouldn’t be impolite towards Harper and her fiancé, as he already congratulated them and the speeches were told and nobody really cared about the grumpy doctor at the bar. He stayed because he believed he’d see Chiara somewhere among the crowd, he hoped to at least catch a glimpse of her. Two hours ago, Ethan spotted Dr. Varma dancing with Aurora Emery and so he expected to see Chiara nearby, but two long hours have passed and she was nowhere to be found.

Just as he started to concede the possibility of her not coming to the party, the familiar voice behind his back startled him. He turned around abruptly on his bar stool and suddenly found himself staring in those beautiful green eyes, the eyes that were wide with surprise as they stared back at him.

“Chia- um, Dr. Ray. Nice to see you,” he nodded towards her, remembering her wish to keep things professional.

“Hi, Ethan,” she smiled softly as she grabbed the glass of wine she ordered and his shoulders visibly relaxed when she called him by his first name.

Chiara wished to go home. As happy as she was for Dr. Emery and Mr. Banks, she felt her legs slightly trembling after the pressure she kept putting on them for the last three hours and her head was hurting. Clearly, she was overwhelmed by all the noises and fellow doctors wanting to talk to her and foreign teachers asking her how did she – so young and beautiful – ended up with a cane. All she dreamed about was her bed and medical journal and some lovely, slow, silent music in the background. Sienna promised to take her home anytime she wanted but seeing how much she was enjoying her time with Danny on the dance floor, Chiara couldn’t bring herself to ask her to leave. And so, she decided to at least order a glass of wine and just observe the others from a corner of the room.

The possibility of meeting Ethan at the bar hasn’t crossed her mind even once, when really it was the only place she could imagine him spending the night at.

He looked as handsome as ever and it took Chiara by surprise. She believed she could face him and maintain the cold distance she decided to put between them this time. She wasn’t prepared for him, dressed in black button up shirt and black pants, to look so unfairly awesome.

“You look like you are attending a funeral,” she blurted out, trying to save herself from telling him how attractive he looked.

“I hate parties almost equally much,” Ethan replied, observing her from head to toes, admiring her beauty. Her cheeks were blushed pink, few strands of her hair sticking out of her bun, the dress flattering both, her figure and her complexion.

You look so beautifully alive, Rookie.

“Why are you here then?”

“Because I respect Harper and, as much as it may surprise you, I am sincerely happy for her to find the right man. Well, I would definitely be happier if the amount of “darlings” and “sweethearts” in their speeches was radically decreased, but nonetheless, I am happy for them.”

Chiara, despite trying to keep her expression cool and distant, had to laugh at the dissatisfied expression on his face as he said the words darlings and sweethearts.

“You hate nicknames in relationship. Obviously.”

“Yes, obviously,” he repeated. “I mean, they have their names for a reason.”

“But you call me Rookie,” the pointed out, sipping slowly on her wine.

Ethan’s expression softened immediately, remembering the first time he called her so.

“I called you Rookie on your first day in hospital, because I didn’t know your real name back then. That’s the difference. These two, I mean, Harper and Thomas are pretty decent names, why can’t they just use them?”

Ignoring his rage about Harper and Thomas not using their actual names, Chiara couldn’t help but tease him.

“Yeah, you didn’t know my name back then, but now you do, and you still call me Rookie. So I guess the nicknames are not all that bad.”

His cheeks blushed in dark pink colour as he realized that she was indeed right. He gave her a nickname and they both grew so fond of it, that he didn’t want to stop calling her that.

Clearing his throat, Ethan decided to change the topic before they would tangle themselves too deep in the memories and therefore regrets.

“So, have have you been doing?”

Chiara wasn’t looking at him as she answered: “I like to think that I am doing fine”

“What exactly does that mean?”

She shrugged, not really wanting to elaborate. She only wanted to talk to him about work and the money she owed him, the concept of the “how-has-life-been-lately” talk not fitting into her plan.

“My back doesn’t hurt much anymore, only when I stand for too long or sleep on one side for too long. The legs are fine, except the stability in my left leg – I don’t trust myself with it enough, I guess. That’s why I’ll have to use this little friend of mine-” she chuckled as she lifted her wooden cane up, “-a little bit longer than I initially expected. Other than that, I am totally fine.”

“And the nightmares?” he couldn’t help but ask, noticing the dark circles under her eyes.

“Manageable,” Chiara responded way too quickly and before he could accuse her of lying, she changed the topic. “Honestly, I think I should be the one to ask you if you were okay. I mean, this is 16 ounces glass you are holding in your hand and it’s filled with pure liquid. So you’re either drinking insufferably huge amount of vodka or you are drinking water, which in your case, is just as weird. Are you sick or something?”

Ethan couldn’t suppress his laugh anymore, hearing Chiara like that reminding him all the conversations they had while she was in the hospital.

“It’s water, which, for the record, I drink quite often, since as a doctor I know how important it is. And as much as I’d prefer whiskey tonight, I came here by car. Therefore, I just have to stick with the water until I get home.”

Chiara laughed at the tone of his voice, indicating just how very much he already wished to be home with a glass of said whiskey in his hand.

It was Ethan’s turn to observe the crowd, not knowing if Chiara still insisted on keeping their distance or if he could finally talk to her about all those things he wanted to talk to her about.

Chiara’s whole chest was tight, and she felt her heart breaking all over again at the sight of him. She missed him so much and she wanted to forget all the hurt he caused her and all the trust issues she’s had, because this light conversation they just managed to have, that was her relationship with Ethan. Laughs and teasing and caring for each other. For him to hate sweet couple nicknames and for her to tease him about not drinking alcohol in the middle of the party, it simply felt so natural.

This is who we are. This is what we could be if only he could stop leaving me in the dark. If only I could trust him.

The tears threatened to fall out of her eyes and she was thankful for the fact that Ethan wasn’t looking at her. She quickly blinked them away and took a deep breath before speaking again.

“I was actually hoping to talk to you?”

Ethan’s head snapped back at her, his expression surprised and also somehow… pleased?

“You were?”

“I wanted to let you know that I am officially getting back to work on Monday. I missed a lot, so if you have some work for me to catch up, you can send it and I’ll get through everything until then.”

“Please, Chiara,” he smiled softly at her, falling for her even deeper at those words, seeing how dedicated she was. “You’ll catch up just fine on Monday. Enjoy these two free days, the work will wait for you.”

“As you wish,” she shrugged, knowing better than to try to persuade him. “I also wanted to let you know that I haven’t forgotten about the rents you paid for me and as soon as I am back to work, I will pay everything back. Just give me another week or so, please.”

Ethan didn’t want her to pay him back. He didn’t miss the money and the fact that he could do at least something for her made him feel good. But just as Chiara knew about his stubbornness, Ethan knew about hers and so he knew that when Chiara Ray made her mind about something, there was no point in persuading her otherwise.

He was about to nod when he noticed Chiara wincing in pain and gently massaging her lower back.

“So much about no back pains,” he frowned. “Don’t you want to go home?”

“I’d really like to, but I am forbidden to go home without Sienna’s supervision, and she is having such a great time. I don’t want to make her leave, so I guess I’ll just drink wine until she decides to go home.”

“I was about to leave. I can take you,” Ethan offered without a second of hesitation.

She knew she shouldn’t accept. She knew that it was her idea to keep a distance and that stepping into Ethan’s car would ruin her dedication to maintain it. But in this moment, she also knew they both deserved a closure, the talk about them. The talk where both sides could talk and explain.

She hoped for them to be best friends again.

Chiara missed Ethan.

“Okay,” she nodded. “Let me just text Sienna. You can go first and I’ll follow you in a few minutes, so that people don’t talk about us leaving together.”

“Please,” he laughed loudly, for the first time in the evening. “People already are talking about us.”

“What?” she gasped, eyes wide with shock.

“I think it started at the softball game, when I’ve gotten a little bit too protective over you. That and the fact that not once in my eleven years at Edenbrook I attended a softball game. Until you asked me to play,” he chuckled, but after a brief moment his expression hardened. “And well, my, uh… breakdown in the E.R. after your accident, my visits by your bedside, I guess all of those things sparked the rumors.”

Not sure if she felt more amused or embarrassed, Chiara sent a quick text to Sienna, explaining that Dr. Terminator would give her a ride home and after putting her phone back to the purse, she grinned at Ethan: “Let’s give them something fresh then, shall we?”

Ethan put his hand at her lower back lightly and with a smug smile on his face lead her out of the party neither of them wanted to attend in the first place.

˜

The car ride was peaceful, Boston streets unusually quiet and empty, fresh snow reflecting the streetlights, making the street look brighter than it really was.

Ethan was being extremely careful to make sure the ride was smooth, not braking abruptly, not taking sharp turns. As okay as Chiara pretended to be, he was a doctor after all, and he knew that dealing with trauma came in waves. That anything could trigger a bad memory back.

His thoughts were disturbed by a sudden cry coming from Chiara’s mouth.

“Ethan, stop!”

He slammed the brakes, sighing with relief when he made sure that there was no car following them, as his sudden braking would definitely cause a crash. He turned to Chiara startled and despite wanting to respect her wishes, he reached for her hand.

“What is it, Chiara?”

“I am sorry,” she whispered, her voice shaking. “I just felt like the opposite car was about to crash into us.”

At this point, her whole body was trembling, her breaths short and shallow. She was at the beginning of hyperventilation, her face ghostly pale.

“Just let me park and we can step out of the car, okay? We’ll catch some fresh air and everything will be alright,” Ethan squeezed her hand and slowly pulled out, parking the car by the carb as soon as he could. Turning the engine off, his whole figure turned towards Chiara.

“You haven’t been in car since the accident?”

After taking a few deep breaths to steady her senses, Chiara look at Ethan and with a weak voice, she replied: “Only once, when Bryce drove me home from the hospital. But that was at the noon and I could see the whole car on the opposite side of road. I could see that the car was in its own lane, I could even see the driver. But now it’s night and it’s dark and the only thing I see are the two front lights getting closer and closer and…” she trailed off, not able to finish the sentence as her lower lip was trembling again.

Ethan cupped her cheeks with his hands and with voice so soft it broke her heart, he whispered: “It’s okay, Rookie. You are okay, you are safe. We don’t have to continue, we can just sit in the car until you feel better, okay?”

She nodded, leaning into his touch as she closed her eyes. The comfortable silence in the car was only disturbed by occasional car driving by them and for the first time in almost two weeks, Chiara felt safe.

“I guess we should talk,” she muttered into his hand.

“About work? Because as I said, there’s no need-“

“About us,” she cut him off, straightening on her seat.

Ethan raised his eyebrows in surprise, but soon his expression was utterly vulnerable.

“I would like that very much. Do you want to talk here in the car? Or at your place? Of course we could go to my place, as it provides more privacy, but I am fine with whatever you want. As long as you feel comfortable,” he felt the hotness creeping on his neck, realizing very well how nervous he must’ve sounded.

“Your place sounds fine,” Chiara smiled at him, amused as she, too, realized just how nervous he suddenly was.

˜

As they stepped into Ethan’s apartment, the first thing he made sure of was that Chiara was sitting comfortably on his couch.

“Can I offer you something to drink?” he asked, making his way to the kitchen.

“I’ll have whatever you are having.”

“Uhm, I am not going to have anything, so I recommend you to change your mind.”

“You came home to have scotch.”

“Yes, but that was before I knew that you would join me. I’ll be taking you back home,” he shrugged, pouring himself another glass of water.

“I’ll just take a cab,” she rolled her eyes. “Get us both some good scotch, please.”

“There’s no way I am letting you take a cab,” he shook his head. “I promised you a drive home and I intend to give you that.”

Chiara wanted to fight him, to tell him that she was a big girl and didn’t need to be supervised all the time, but she came here to talk about them and so she let the topic of whiskey go.

“I think it’s rather fair to both of us to know where we stand, now that I’ll be back to work and things will go back to normal.”

Ethan joined her on the couch, his expression thoughtful as he kept looking not at her, rather at the coffee table. He nodded slowly and even though he realized that it was not a gentleman thing to do, he started to speak before she could say anything else.

“I am sorry, Chiara. If I am to tell you only one thing tonight, I want you to know, most of all, that I am truly and infinitely sorry for everything I’ve ever put you through. I am sorry for leaving you when you most needed me, for running away when things got hard, for pushing you away only to pull you closer. I now see just how huge coward, how huge asshole I’ve been all that time. And I know very well that one damn ‘sorry’ doesn’t make up for everything I’ve caused you to feel. But still, I am sorry.”

“You weren’t all that bad, you know,” she grinned. “I have forgiven you a long time ago, Ethan. I don’t hate you, obviously. I am not even angry. And I missed you. I mean, there’s no better target of my teasing than you, old man. What we had, while I was in the hospital, it was more than I’ve ever imagined we could be. Being close friends with internal jokes and deep talks, I miss that, Ethan, but I am so afraid to trust you, because every time things got actually good between us, you’d take a step back. So I need you to tell me what you want and once it’s said Ethan, I need you to stick to your words. No matter what.”

Ethan stood up and started to pace nervously around the living room, preparing himself to tell Chiara everything he wanted to tell her for such a long time.

“Not so long ago I told you that there was no such a thing as unconditional love or soul mates. That I am not capable of love, because I don’t believe in it in the first place. But sweet Lord, seeing you in the I.C.U. after the accident, believing that I would never see your eyes open, that I would never hear you laugh again, it made me think. And as terrible as I am at expressing my emotions and my feelings, I no longer feel that way. I know now that whatever it is that you feel for me, it’s unconditional. It must be, because otherwise you would just give up on me already. And I know that what I feel for you, whatever it is, is unconditional too.”

He took a deep breath and sat back down on the couch next to her, taking her hand into his.

“For a long time I believed that the thing I wanted the most was to have you all to myself. To selfishly call you mine. But now I know that is actually not what I want the most.”

“Oh?” she interrupted him for the first time, her expression visibly pained.

“What I want more than anything in this world is for you to be happy. You deserve the whole world Chiara and you deserve to be happy and nothing else but happy. And I know myself. I am broken man, destroyed one. Cynic. Asshole. Unable to express what he feels, enable to show affection. No matter how much I care for you, there are still men out there, that would be so much better at expressing it. Even though they wouldn’t care as much as I do, they would show you just how much they do. If we were together, we would have to keep our relationship a secret. I wouldn’t be able to take you out for a dinner, to accompany you to the parties as your plus one. You deserve so much better than me, Chiara, and I want you to have the best.”

There was a long pause after that. Chiara was staring at the wall, obviously way too deep in her thoughts, considering everything Ethan has just said. Her brows were furrowed, her fingers playing with the hem of her dress without her mind actually realizing so.

After what felt like forever, she turned to Ethan and looked straight into his eyes.

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, Ethan. As noble as it is, for you to want me to be happy even if it’s with someone else, if you selfishly want me all for yourself, just say it, damnit. I can decide if that’s what’s best for me.”

The fire in her eyes as she looked at him made Ethan’s throat dry. Before he could compose any meaningful sentence, Chiara added: “But remember, I need you to stand by what you say. I need you to keep your words this time, Ramsey.”

“Well, then I selfishly want you all for myself, Rookie,” he smiled at her, the fact that she didn’t retreat the hand he was holding giving him a tiny bit of hope. “And I wish I could be the one to make you happy.”

“You mean it?”

She wanted to come with a comeback, with response that would break this tense, vulnerable, raw atmosphere, yet she needed him to ensure her that he wouldn’t change his mind in the morning.

“I mean it. With all my heart, if there’s something of it left. I mean it with my whole being, Chiara. If you ever decide to give me, give us, a chance, I promise not to give up on us, not to leave, not to push you back. I can't promise you happily ever after and I can't promise to never disappoint you again, because I likely will disappoint you again. However, I can promise to learn how to change. I promise to work on the relationship harder than I’ve ever worked on my degree.”

They both laughed, knowing that such promise meant more than any other could mean.

“Well, in that case, it’s a good thing that I selfishly want you all to myself too, Dr. Ramsey,” her words almost a whisper as she let them out.

For the first time ever, their lips met in a kiss that didn’t taste like regrets, doubts and sorrow.

For the first time ever they kissed with hope and promises and happiness.

[purplesunrisefanfic]

“this is the only way to keep you safe.”

Okay, let’s try another direct bash out of a Drabble or ficlet, because they’re kinda fun. :D There will be typos et cetera.

WARNINGS: (written after the fic) Surprising no one, I wrote y’all some angst and some kinky kinky smut.

MAJOR warning for anyone with claustrophia or triggers around imprisonment, abadonment or kidnapping. @ me if you want more info to decide, but I would suggest you consider skipping this fic if those are issues for you.

Warning for consent: While I try to write things in with an atmosphere that implies such things are present, I don’t write all the details of negotiations, safeword agreements or other preagreed variations from normal rules of consent into every fic I write. Please assume that these things are there in the background of their established relationship, this is consensual play in a context of having done this type of stuff together before and having agreed to how they will handle what counts as a yes.

General warnings for vague mentions of violence/the threats of the TLOU universe, sexually explicit swearing and for various kinky things. More detailed warnings re:the kinky things would kinda be spoilers so @ me if you want or need these. And as always, ANY reader, for ANY of my fics, ANYTIME is also just generally welcome to reach out to ask if you have less commonly warned-for triggers that you wanna check for.

This Is The Only Way To Keep You Safe (Abby/Ellie)

“This is fucking bullshit! What the fuck—“

“This is the only way to keep you safe, Ellie.”

“How the fuck is fucking trapping me down here supposed to keep me safe?!”

“You think they won’t still want you? That base is full of Salt Lake vets. Someone will recognise you. Down here, they won’t get the chance.”

“If it’s so dangerous, then what the hell are you thinking taking Lev—“

“Lev will be fine. He’s not immune. They don’t slaughter random people—“

“Just vivisect the special kids, huh?”

Abby ignored the jibe, still not sure what to make of the “other side” of the story.

“Have you forgotten how badly we need the help? They adored my father, and I don’t see that we have a better shot of getting what we need than to hope they’ll do Jerry’s daughter a favour.”

“I get that, but I don’t see how that plan equals that we should be locking me in freakin’ basement.”

“Ellie.” Abby waited a moment, wanting to try and get her into listening mode.

“You will be alone. For days. In an area where the only people who survived the Rattler base destruction have seen that you were bitten. They will recognise you. You’re not exactly wanting for being memorable. In a group, it’s less obvious but alone? You will be seen, you will be recognised. And, if by some miracle you don’t get shot in head for being presumed to be infected, then word of that will travel. The Fireflies will get wind and come looking themselves, or someone will be smart enough to try and trade you for the bounty.”

“Fine. I’ll keep a low profile. I’ll stay quiet and make sure I’m not seen.”

Abby stopped organising her rucksack and turned to make eye contact. “Ellie,” she said, looking at her with affectionate skepticism.

Under Abby’s gaze, she grew a little awkward, both from the tension and from how much she didn’t like being called on her obvious bullshit.

“When are you quiet?”

“Uh? Excuse me? Who is it that knifes a room full of clickers alone without a single one of them noticing while you and Lev just fucking wait around?”

“And how long does that take?”

Her question met with silence, Abby continues. “And what do you do afterward?”

She raises her eyebrow as she asks, but still gets a reply of silence.

“Yes. Ellie. You are a fucking machine. I get that. You‘re a stealth master when it suits the battle. But being quiet for days, when most of time you aren’t in combat? No shouting out any cusses? No calling out for ‘any more of you fuckers’?”

Abby’s serious look with her slight raised eyebrow transforms into a look of utter incredulity at the though of Ellie keeping a constant low profile for three whole days.

“And you have a good chance of making it alone out here while we’re gone, I know that too. But not as good as if you stay hidden.”

Unable to actually argue the points, Ellie sticks to silently staring back, nostrils flaring, and clearly seething. Abby gives her a minute, returning to packing her bag. Still livid about the situation and not wanting to accept the reality of it, Ellie decides to try some clear bullshit.

“The way you wanna lock me up, I’ll have to kick a whole bookcase over if I need to get out. How much noise will that make?”

Abby sighs wearily. Maybe she should ask the Fireflies to examine her head while she is there, see if there’s a medical reason she’s masochistically fallen for the most stubborn person she’s ever met.

“This basement is well-hidden. There’s no reason to think it will be found even if people search the rest of the house. And you’re not telling me that you couldn’t set things up so that an even army couldn’t survive to the bottom of those stairs, if it came to it. because if we’re agreeing on anything here, it’s that you are more than capable.”

This was getting exhausting. Abby dug deep.

“Could you not just put up with a few days of rest for the sake of my peace of mind, please?”

Ellie was taken aback. Her expression softened as she registered the sincere concern in Abby’s eyes and she reconsidered.

“Okay. I’ll do it. For you.“

She still had to fire a parting shot, though.

“I’m not saying I agree with you, I still think it’s ridiculous, but I’ll do it for you.”

Fuck’s sake, can nothing ever be easy? Well, at least she’d agreed... Abby sighed in relief then gave her a weary “Thank you,” not looking up from her bag.

Ellie started to feel like she’d been kind of a dick. Sorry was not likely to be coming out of her stubborn mouth, but she tried to make some amends.

“Besides,” she spoke with a suggestive grin, “I wouldn’t wanna deny you whatever perverted kicks you’ll get out of holding me captive for three straight days.”

Abby scoffed with some amusement.

“You think this is a sex game?”

Ellie’s expression was full of challenge, “Isn’t it?”

Abby smiled. This was how Ellie got her to overlooked how freakin’ annoying her stubborness was.

“No, it’s a ‘you don’t die horribly at the hands of the many possible foes we have’ game.”

“Meh, that sounds like a crappy game, a sex game would be better.”

The suggestion in Ellie’s voice went straight to Abby’s clit. Her voice took on a flirty edge.

“You wanna make this a sex game?”

Ellie smirked.

“Don’t you?” She fired back.

Then she bit her lip. Purposefully. It seemed she’d decided to go from goading Abby one way to goading her another way. She got more than she bargained for when Abby lunged at her.

Hand behind Ellie’s head to absorb the impact, she slammed her into a wall. Then her hands moved around, holding Ellie’s head in place against the wall, with a grip too tight for Ellie to move forward. She moved her lips to within milimeters of a kiss before she spoke in a husky voice.

“You want three days down here with an ass so sore you can’t sit? Because that can be arranged.”

Ellie tried to suppress a moan, but didn’t manage to fully conceal her reaction. Abby heard her, and was very happy for the opportunity to goad her back.

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Wanna make this a little more fun, El?”

Ellie’s pride overrode her desire, and she attempted a stoic look and a shrug. But Abby could see deeper.

“I think that’s a yes...”

Ellie put her game face on, ready for Abby to strip it away but not quite wanting to bellow out the “Yes” that her body was screaming. Abby started to stroke her fingertips across Ellie’s décolletage, towards her left shoulder. She traced a line down from her shoulder to her arm slowly, and Ellie felt her anticipation creep up a little.

Once she reached Ellie’s wrist, she took hold of her hand, pressing her biceps into the wall and bending her elbow so her forearm stuck out in front of her. Her left hand kept a grip too tight for Ellie fight while she started to trace every line of the intricate tattoo that covered Ellie’s scarred skin and the secrets below it. Using just the nail of her thumb, she slowly dragged the pattern against her girlfriend’s flesh. She made it about halfway before Ellie gave in and audibly whimpered. Then Abby let up for awhile, moving so that Ellie could touch her all over, then strip her naked and eat her out as she laid on the one of beds down in the barracks. She kept her hands on Ellie the whole time as the redhead went down on her, building her arousal with tickles on the sensitive little spots she’d gradually found on Ellie’s neck, shoulders and ears. She sometimes felt Ellie shudder a little on top of her. Perfect.

—

Ellie was gasping from her own desire by the time Abby came. Abby held her for a minutes and tried her best to speak affectionately, something that still made her shy. Once she’d recovered, she picked Ellie up, held her with her face to the wall and started to give her the promised glow on her ass. When she seemed to have finished, Ellie moaned invitingly, wanting Abby’s fingers. But Abby wasn’t finished yet.

“Uh-uh, I thought we said this should hurt for three whole days, didn’t we? It’ll take a little more than that to get you nicely bruised up enough to last for three days.”

—

It wasn’t hardest Ellie had experienced (and her tolerance was this sort of thing was yet another source of stubborn pride, of course) but she was visibly in some pain by the time Abby had finished with her. Pain that only got worse when Abby flipped her around a pressed her back and ass into the wall. Two very strong thighs held Ellie’s leg in place, spread open as she moaned in delight at the delicious agony she felt in her ass. Abby then placed her hands above her own legs, pressing Ellie’s hips into the wall, as she knelt down for a taste of Ellie’s soaked, dribbling cunt.

—

Once she’d edged Ellie with her tongue, she stopped and gave her a kiss on the mouth, sharing the taste that Abby delighted in but Ellie found a little uncomfortable to share with her, especially when Abby’s mouth left her own covered in her juices, her own scent right under her nose. Her cheeks stung as she considered her options: leave it there or lick her own lips and taste herself some more? She decided to leave it, something near primal in her driving an urge to leave the claim Abby had left on her where it was while she felt two fingers slip inside her. Yeah, she thought as she sighed at the touch, she wanted to come just like that, inhaling the memory of Abby’s mouth against her cunt as she felt her fingers thrust inside her and that now rather skilled thumb on her clit.

Abby has a different plan, though. One that earned her a cross between a whimper and a growl from Ellie. She pulled her fingers out and her hand away just in time to frustrate Ellie from her imminent climax. Ellie scowled at Abby as she licked her own fingers clean, enjoying a final taste of the woman she’d miss for the next three days.

“You wanted a sex game, Ellie? Well how about this? Don’t touch yourself while I’m gone. Wait for me to finish what I started.”

Abby began to walk away while Ellie was still gobsmacked, returning to her rucksack to finish preparing for the trip to another island nearby. She prepared slowly, giving Ellie a good chunk of time to consider if she wanted to safeword before Abby left (though she could always do so later on in her journal), but Ellie stayed quiet, her face slowly turning from shock to something that almost resembled glee. Eventually, she spoke up, wanting to signal her agreement without giving Abby an easy time of it.

“I knew the real reason you wanted me down here was pervy.”

Abby didn’t argue, though it was untrue. A little while later she picked up her bag and made her way to the stairs. She kept her goodbye simple, because all the important things had been said before and then said again without words as they’d played.

“I’ll see you in three days.”

[buckyjustbelikethat]

Stuck in the Past: Pt 5

Title: Stuck in the Past: Part (5/5)

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You are a historian asked to help the Avengers take down a Hydra leader.

Warnings: angst, kidnapping, torture, mention of character death, vulgar language, mentions of anxiety.

Word Count: approx. 3600

A/N: This is my second update tonight, but I really wanted to finish this fic before I procrastinated and finals started. Originally there was going to likely be two more parts, but I just made it a really long part I hope you don’t mind. As mentioned in my other parts comments are always welcome. It may be angsty at first but I promise there’s a happy ending.

Previous Chapter

You didn’t know how you could possibly face Bucky to watch a movie with him. You were shaking and having a full-blown panic attack on your floor with the photos in your hand. You felt unsafe, knowing somehow, someway, someone had gotten into your room. You asked Friday if she had any records of someone entering your room, and she said no, she asked if something was wrong and if she needed to alert Tony, but you harshly replied no. You were sure that if he could get into your room, then the threat to the rest of the team was very real. Who knows what he had planned, but you weren’t going to take that risk. You didn’t know how you possibly were going to follow through with what he asked of you, but the world had thousands of people like you, but only one team of superheroes to defend them. You knew what you had to do. You send Bucky a text saying that you weren’t sure if you were feeling up for a movie. He hadn’t replied yet, but amidst your panicked breathing and crying you heard a knock on the door. You jumped at the noise and the fear that was suffocating you before seemed to hit you like a bullet. “Hey, y/n it’s me, I just came to check on you.” You heard Bucky say through the door.

You relaxed but only slightly. You quickly hit the photos under the mattress calling to Bucky “Just a minute.”

You tried desperately to make your voice sound normal, but Bucky could tell you had been crying. You had no chance of hiding from him your emotions, but you knew you would have to lie about why you had been upset. You open the door and met his concerned gaze. He quickly assesses you for any injury, and upon finding none he looks back up to you, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing…” damn, even now you couldn’t stop the tears. You knew that this was the last time you would see him, you wished your last image of him was a happy one, where he was smiling and laughing along with you. But you knew there was no time for your hopes. Time seemed to slow, as Bucky felt as if your eyes were trying to commit his features to memory, and his heart was filled with dread.

“Y/n you can’t lie to me. What’s wrong.”

You felt exposed, you knew if he saw your face he could tell when you were lying to him, so you pulled him in close. “I’m just stressed” you say through the tears “I feel like I’m not helping the team enough, and I just am feeling anxious about everything.”

Bucky held you back as if his life depended on it. He had a suspicion that you hadn’t spoken the whole truth, but he was afraid of prying too far and scaring you away. But all he cared about was doing whatever he could to comfort you, but your sobs seemed to get worse the more he held you.

“Hey, shh, doll, it’s okay, you are okay, you haven’t disappointed anyone.” He picks you up and takes you to your bed so he could hold you closer. You cried in his arms as he continues to try and calm you down. He hasn’t known you for long, but he could tell that your emotions right now were not normal. He was on edge, desperately pleading that with his words and if he just held you close, he could ease whatever pain you were feeling.

Eventually you relaxed a little in his arms, but the fear and sadness did not leave your eyes. “Thank you, Bucky.”

“For what sweetheart?”

“For being you, for being there for me.”

“Anytime doll, are you sure you are okay, do you want to talk more about it?”

“No, it’s okay, you being here is enough, it’s something I have to take care of by myself. But I can handle it. I’ll be okay Bucky.” You stare deeply into his eyes, and Bucky swears the sincerity in your eyes was trying to communicate something more than what your words were speaking.

“Promise to tell me if there’s anything I can do y/n, anything to help.” His words were filled with desperation. “Please.” He felt an urgency he couldn’t explain.

You break eye contact with him, and rest your head against his chest “I promise.”

You hold each other for a long time, both of you needing to just hold each other and feel that you were both safe. You wished you could have a proper goodbye with Bucky, but you knew if you said anymore, there would be no way you would be able to leave tonight undetected. Eventually, when you realized you were running out of time you had to send Bucky away so you could leave. “I’m tired Bucky, I think I’m going to go to sleep.” You kissed him softly, and when you broke away you promised “I will see you in the morning.”

It was a promise you knew you couldn’t keep, but it was the one you knew he needed to hear before leaving you for the night.

“Okay doll, I’ll see you in the morning.” His statement though resolute, felt desperate. As if he needed assurance, as if he could see the lies in your words.

When Bucky left, you prepared yourself to leave. You wished you could leave a note, thanking the team for everything they have done for you in these past weeks, but you didn’t think it was safe. You took the pictures with you, and quietly left the building, informing Friday to keep your departure a secret.

When you arrived at the address there was a shadow standing in the alley beside the building. He had a mask on, and though you recognized it from pictures you had seen of him, seeing it in person brought chills to your body the photos never encouraged. “It’s nice of you to finally join me, I hope you followed my instructions and didn’t alert the team or your precious boyfriend. Just because you are here with me doesn’t mean my threat doesn’t still stand.”

“No,” your voice was shaky, “No one knows, I promise.” It was the one promise you made that night that was actually sincere, and you wished it wasn’t.

“Good.” He says as he walks up to you, and just as he approaches you, you feel something hard bash into your head and within seconds you were out.

You woke up tied to a chair in an old warehouse. It was cold, and damp, and your body was shaking against your binds. You had hoped all he had planned for you was a quick death, but it seemed that you weren’t that lucky. You quickly looked around, but it was dark, and you couldn’t see much, especially with the migraine pounding through your head, begging your eyes to stay closed. Suddenly a light came on near you and you heard him approaching. His mask was off, which was the first time you had actually seen what he looked like, but it also told you that you weren’t making out of this alive. You weren’t sure how many hours had passed, but you were sure that if you weren’t able to find him with the team in a course of weeks, there wasn’t much of a chance they could find you in time, no matter how long he decided to keep you alive. “Your finally awake, perfect, I was hoping you would wake soon so the fun could begin.”

“What do you want?” You speak through the fog in your brain.

“To ask you a few questions before you die.”

If you didn’t have a hard time focusing because of your head injury you were sure that you would be vomiting in fear at this point. But you tried desperately to keep yourself together, hoping he couldn’t see how afraid you were.

“How much do the Avengers know of me?”

Thanks to you, they probably knew more than he would want them to, but you weren’t about to tell him anything and give him the upper hand, they still needed to be able to take him down after you died.

“I’m not going to tell you.” With your response came a hard punch to your stomach.

His questions continued, and you continued to give him no information, trying to desperately think of anything besides the pain he was putting you through every time he didn’t get what he wanted. You tried to think of Bucky holding you before you left, the comfort in his arms, you both communicating with your eyes how much you meant to each other, even if you didn’t know how to say it.

No matter how hard you tried to focus on Bucky, you couldn’t stop yourself from feeling the pain, and he was only getting angrier.

“You are not a hero,” He practically spits out at you. “You mean nothing, so stop trying to play the hero and tell me what I want to know.”

“No.” You barely whisper out. You didn’t have enough energy to say much more. He punches you once more in the face and that’s when you pass out.

Bucky entered the kitchen at the time he knows you are always there, but he only finds Wanda sitting at the table. “Have you seen Y/n?” He asks Wanda, after the night before, not seeing her was scaring him, but he was trying not to overreact.

“No, I haven’t. She’s probably still in her room.”

“Yeah, I’m just going to make sure she’s okay.”

He practically runs to your room, just needing to see your face, and hear you tell him that his fears were crazy, and you’re fine. But when he knocks on your door he doesn’t get a response. “Y/n, are you there?” He asks, but he knows if his loud knocks didn’t invoke a reply his words were useless.

“Friday, is y/n in her room?”

“No.”

“Where is she.”

“I am not aware. She is not in the building.”

He was losing his patience. “When did she leave?”

“Last night after you left her room, she told me not to inform anyone.”

That’s when he tried calling you, a last-ditch effort of him trying to pretend there was a chance you were going to pick up and be fine, but he didn’t have a lot of hope left. When he finally heard the phone start dialing, he heard your phone ring from within your room, and his heart felt like it fell out of his chest. “No.” he kept muttering under his breath beginning to panic. “Friday open the damn door and tell Tony and Steve to get down here.” He speaks his voice breathy with fear.

Friday unlocks the door, understanding the urgency. He searches your room for anything that would tell you where you went but he finds nothing, the room looking the same as it did when he left last night.

“Bucky what’s going on?” Steve asks as he enters the room with Tony.

“I don’t fucking know, but last night y/n was distraught, and she wouldn’t tell me why, she came up with excuses but I knew that they weren’t the truth, and I came to check on her just now and she’s nowhere in the building, Friday says she left last night after I left her room, and she fucking left her phone here. I should have never left her last night, I should have figured out what was wrong, I knew something was wrong, oh my god.” He felt like he was going to be sick.

Steve came over to him and tried to calm him down. “It’s okay Bucky, we’ll figure it out, there’s a chance she’s still okay.”

“Friday, give us a rundown of y/n’s activity yesterday.” Bucky heard Tony’s voice.

“Her day proceeded as normal, but her suspicious activity began when she entered her room at 7:00pm, she asked me if anyone had entered her room throughout the day, no one had entered through her door and I don’t have camera surveillance in her room. That is when y/n entered a very panicked state and Bucky had come in. Afterwards she had left, informing me to alert no one of her departure.”

“Shit.” Tony replied after the AI finished her report. “Friday start searching through any camera footage surrounding the tower, follow her movements after she left last night.”

Tony started rushing out of the room to get to his office. He alerted the rest of the team to meet him there. Bucky ran after him, desperately hoping the camera footage could give them any information on where she went. Once they were all in the room, and the rest of the team was informed of the situation Bucky sat in the corner of the room, frozen with fear, knowing that right now he was no use in finding her and it was eating him alive.

“We’ll find her Bucky.” Steve spoke waking Bucky from his terrified state.

“We have to Steve.” Bucky was now crying but he couldn’t care less. “This is all my fault, I should have known, I shouldn’t have left her.”

“Hey, you didn’t do anything wrong, this isn’t your fault.” Steve spoke gently but with confidence, hoping he could stop his friend from spiraling.

Tony and the rest of the team were having a hard time finding where you went, which told them one thing, Death Oath was behind this. Surveillance footage was corrupted and tampered with, Bucky was losing hope that they could find you in time. The team worked vigorously trying to find any information they could. It was nearing night-time when they finally found a lead, and they wasted no time in suiting up. Bucky needed to get to you, he needed to make sure you were safe, or he wasn’t sure if he could live with himself.

The team prepared on the quinjet to enter the warehouse they suspected you were at. Bucky could barely hear what they were saying all he could focus on was your last moments together, what he should have said, what he should have done. “Bucky, I need to make sure you won’t do anything reckless. Follow the plan.” Steve said to him in his captain voice, knowing Bucky probably wasn’t paying attention.

Bucky heard enough to know his role, he was thankfully chosen to seek you out while everyone else handles Death Oath, sure he wished he could be personally responsible for his death, but you were all that mattered to him right now.

When the quinjet finally landed Bucky followed orders but was trying to get to you as soon as possible. The team located Death Oath in a difference section of the warehouse and were working on subduing him. Now all Bucky could do was hope that when he found your body, you were still alive. He broke down the doors to where they suspected you were, Natasha was following close behind. “Shit.” Bucky said when he saw you tied to the chair. He ran up to you and could see how bruised you were, imagining the broken bones laying beneath the battered skin. “Untie her.”

He barks orders at Natasha, but this was a mission, and this was you, so she didn’t take offense to his harshness.

His hands were immediately going to your throat to check your pulse, and he wanted to cry when he still felt your heart beating, he was sure he was going to cry later, but right now he needed to get you out of there. Natasha almost had you untied when you started to stir, too weak to fully open your eyes. “Please, no more, please.” You pleaded with them, trying your best to move away from the hands you felt on your skin, and Bucky’s heart broke.

“Hey doll, it’s just me, it’s Bucky,” his voice cracked, unable to stop the tears slipping out that he thought he could hold back. “you’re safe, no one is going to hurt you okay?”

Once Natasha had you untied Bucky lifts you into his arms. “Try to stay awake for me doll okay? You’re gonna be okay.” He said to you but it sounds like a prayer.

Natasha communicated through the comms that they have you, and that you’re alive but need immediate medical attention. Steve replied that they will meet them on the quinjet and that Death Oath has been contained.

When Bucky made it back onto the quinjet, Bucky laid you down on the stretcher. He was still on edge, holding your hand tight, and now whatever composure he had before was completely deteriorating. “Please y/n, you need to stay with me, you can’t leave me yet, we haven’t had enough time, please, I’m so sorry.”

The team anxiously stayed to the side as Natasha tried to pilot them to the tower as fast as she could. When the team finally arrived to the tower the medical staff was already waiting for them, Steve had to practically rip Bucky away from you so the doctors could take you into surgery. Bucky sat outside the medical wing of the tower, on the floor in front of the door, waiting for the doctors to give him news. Steve sat beside him, unsure of what he could possibly say to make his friend feel better, but he knew words weren’t what Bucky needed right now. Hours passed, and finally one of the doctors came out to inform them that you are stable, and that you currently aren’t awake but that they can come in your room if they want. Steve asked for a full report, but Bucky doesn’t care, he can get that information later, right now he just needed to be with you.

When Bucky saw you, the guilt feels fresh again. He wished he had done something, but he now understands the double meaning in your words that night, and there was no way he could have convinced you to tell him what was going on, Death Oath must have threatened you, and he wasn’t sure how valid the threats were, but you obviously believed them. Bucky sat by your bed all night and into the next morning. You still hadn’t woken up, but the doctors said that that was to be expected, and that your body needs sleep to recover.

Bucky hadn’t slept well in a while, even before you were taken, your duress that night, and his already present insomnia stopped him from getting any sleep. Steve had come in earlier trying to get Bucky to eat something, and Bucky tried a little to appease Steve, but his appetite was gone, still overcome with worry and stress. He started having a hard time fighting his own exhaustion, and after a few hours he fell asleep in his chair, his hand still grasping your own.

When you woke up, the pain was intense. You had a hard time remembering why you were in so much pain, but as you open your eyes it all starts to come back to you. You see Bucky sitting in the chair beside you and you start crying, you were so sure your last meeting was goodbye, and the relief you felt that you were here safe, and that Bucky was safe, was overwhelming.

Your cries must have woken Bucky, because he started stirring. It took him a moment to realize that it was you he was hearing, and that you were awake.

His shock was interrupted by your visibly upset state and he immediately wanted to comfort you.

“Hey doll, it’s okay, your safe.” He says as he gently caresses your head.

“I didn’t think I would see you again.” You say to him earnestly but finally making eye contact with him.

“I know, but that’s over now, you’re okay, we are all okay.”

“I’m so sorry Bucky, he had threatened you and the rest of the team, and he had gotten into my room, so I knew that if he could do that, then you guys really were in danger. I’m sorry I lied.”

“Hey, you have nothing to apologize for. If anyone should be apologizing it’s me, I should have known something was wrong, I mean I did, but I shouldn’t have let it go.”

“Bucky, this is definitely not your fault, what would you have done even if you found out.”

“Anything to keep you safe.”

“And that’s exactly why I couldn’t tell you, I didn’t want anyone getting hurt because of me.”

Bucky understood, but he didn’t like it. He wanted to be able to protect you, but he knew if the roles were reversed, he would have done the same. “I know, but please never keep something like this from me again, we will figure it out, I promise, in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone. I can’t lose you y/n. You have to understand.”

“And I can’t lose you either Bucky.” You say as you reach out to pull him in for a kiss, missing his closeness. Needing it to heal your mind, even if your body wasn’t as immediate of a fix. Bucky kisses you tenderly, trying not to aggravate any of your injuries but knowing you need him just as much as he needs you.

[writing-for-amusement]

Commission for Confidence, 4

Summary: Y/N has been struggling with her self-esteem for years. After incessant pushing from your best friend, Y/N decides to commission an artist to draw her, expecting everything to happen via Internet. However, when your phone is stolen, you try to cancel the commission, but Peter Parker has other ideas. He quickly becomes enraptured by you, and a friendship forms easily. Will it lead to something more? Or will your past fears get in the way?

A/N: Okay, so the end of this chapter is admittedly a little choppy, but if I had included more, it would have been probably unnecessarily long (especially since I’ve kinda developed a pattern for myself with length of chapters). I’m so glad that people seem to be enjoying my work!! I’m thinking of posting some other stuff sometime soon, so I don’t burnout on this story, but idk yet. Anyway, enjoy this chapter, please give me feedback, I crave it.

I feel like I should mention that I try to be as neutral with looks as possible. Even if you have darker skin, you still blush, even if it might not be visible. Hence why I often refer to it as “heat rushing to your face” or whatever, but I try to not mention how red it makes Y/N look. If anyone has advice on how to do it better, please let me know!

Also, if you want to be in the taglist, just let me know!!

Taglist: @pparkerwrites, @scatterbrainedgenius, @jordyns-library, @wildfirecracker

Word Count: 2557

Warnings: mental illness (depression and anxiety), brief mention of deceased loved one, insecurity, lots of awkwardness, awkward “flirting” (??), Peter being a cutie pie as always

Peter helped you gather your things and waited patiently as you gave a bright thank you to the owner, Morgana. Then, he was holding the door open to you with a bright smile.

“So,” you prompted as you both started towards the subway.

“So,” he echoed, sending you a playful grin.

“We talked so much about me,” you pointed out, “so why don’t you tell me more about you? If I may be so bold, I’d like to become actual friends with you, instead of just minor acquaintances.”

Peter turned to face you, walking sideways, and was beaming so bright you thought you’d need sunglasses. “Really??? I feel the same way!”

You blushed slightly, looking at the ground for a brief moment. “I’m glad,” you admitted in a murmur.

Soon, the two of you were entering the subway, intent on getting back to Queens before the amount of people traveling got worse.

“So,” Peter began, letting you take a seat as he stood in front of you in the rather crowded car, “I’m trying to think of what medium to capture you in.”

You blinked in surprise.

“I mean, there is a raw beauty to just charcoal or regular pencil, but you are so vibrant and gorgeous, I want to do something more.”

Peter was staring out the window in thought as the heat filled your cheeks, neck, and chest. You bit your lip to try and stop the squeal or giggle of happiness from leaking out (you couldn’t tell what it would be, so you kept your mouth shut). You found yourself looking up at Peter, noticing how he himself would make a great model for any type of art.

Brown eyes suddenly looked at yours and you were thankful that the subway was coming to the next stop. It gave you an excuse to look away, his curious gaze making you feel tingles up your spine. As a tired mother entered with two small children in tow, you and another passenger quickly got up and let them take your seats.

Now, you were standing almost chest to chest with Peter Parker. You awkwardly tried to shuffle around him, so that you were standing next to him, but another passenger quickly took that spot. That left you right there, closer to Peter than you thought you’d ever get.

“Hi,” he blushed down at you.

“H-hello,” you stuttered. “So, you were saying?”

Your weak attempt at saving face actually worked, and Peter began to talk you through the pros and cons of other mediums of art. You found yourself to be incredibly intrigued by the way that Peter spoke.

He spoke so passionately that you could basically see the different aspects of each medium before your eyes. You could see brushes of acrylic paint, or the subtle blurring of watercolors, as he went into greater detail than you almost thought possible.

“Of course, photography will always hold a place in my heart, but sometimes you can’t capture the same emotions as you could with actually making the art yourself. The best part of photography, though, is when you—”

Peter was cut off as the subway car jerked and you fell into him in shock. You had never been particularly graceful, but at least this time it wasn’t your fault. You expected to knock him over; he was a fit man, but you knew you had some heft to you, especially with that violent of a jerk. Something like that would make you, or really anyone, knock over even the largest of men, you were certain of it.

To your surprise, Peter caught you easily, not even moving his feet as he was clutching you to his body. His hand was like comforting and warm candle fire on your waist, slowly heating your muscles. Beautiful brown eyes regarded you with concern.

“Are you okay, Y/N? That was quite the jerk. They’re normally not that bad.”

You nodded sheepishly, removing your hand from where it was splayed on his firm chest. You cleared your throat and took a slight step back, nearly regretting it as the warmth seeped out of your waist slowly.

“Thanks, Peter,” you smiled, albeit a little nervously. “I definitely would have fallen over if you weren’t there.”

"Well,” Peter began, smirking at you, “I can tell you that I’ll be here to catch you, anytime you need it.”

You giggled, covering your smile with your hand. “Then I hope you’re around a lot, because I’m the clumsiest person around,” you told him, realizing as soon as it left your mouth that it was incredibly flirty, at least for you.

Peter was looking at you with a look you couldn’t decipher, but his mouth was grinning. “Hey, I won’t complain about that.”

The heat rushed through your body and you looked at the floor, trying to calm your stampeding heart. Your throat felt a little dry, not expecting his response. You looked up and saw a skinny little thing staring at you with contempt, and your heart crashed to the ground.

Your brain quickly clouded over with negative thoughts. Of course, she’s staring, you’d never fit in with a guy like Peter. Look at him, he’s gorgeous and fit. And you are definitely not. She thinks you’re crazy for flirting with him. And you are crazy for flirting with him. He’d never go for a girl like you, you’re not his type.

Now wait just a minute, you interrupted the hissing whisper, how do I know what his type is? You can’t just assume someone’s type, you know.

Doesn’t matter, the hiss replied easily, anything as big and jiggly as you are is never anyone’s type. You should know that by now.

You ended up heaving a sigh, the hissing getting louder and louder in your head. It was blocking out every positive thought you’d ever had about yourself, pointing out the jiggle in your thighs, the fat of your stomach, the stretch marks that decorated your skin. It pointed out how your laugh was too loud, your smile too big, your fingers too fat, your cheeks unnecessarily full. The clouds became a storm, torrential rains freezing your body, turning your blood into the slowest river in the world.

“Hey,” a shining light of a voice broke through the storm, making you look up at Peter. “Are you okay?” he asked, his hand brushing your arm.

The tingles that his touch brought started to drop-kick the clouds from the forefront of your mind. Peter was looking at you in a way you couldn’t quite tell, but it was like he could tell you were upset about yourself, like he would tear the world to pieces to make you feel better. It made your heart crack, fighting to escape your chest and screech to the world that you were beautiful and worthy.

Because that’s how his gaze made you feel.

You suddenly brightened, the clouds on the far horizons of your mind as they always were, but they were done storming and flooding. “Yeah, Peter, I’m alright,” you told him sincerely, a small but genuine smile on your lips.

Peter’s molten brown eyes assessed you critically, making your body warm and thaw from that freezing storm. After a few more moments, and the subway car nearing your stop, Peter seemed content with your answer. He gave you the sweetest smile you’d ever seen.

The car came to a stop and Peter gestured for you to get off the car. As you fought the crowd of people entering, Peter hooked his pinky in yours in order to stay together. It made your stupid heart flutter up to your throat, but you managed to swallow it back down.

The two of you broke through the crowds and Peter unhooked his pinky from yours. The loud pounding of your heart began to quiet as you and Peter made your way out of the subway; the “fresh” air of the outside (as fresh as it could get, of course) helped clear your mind a bit and you relaxed ever so slightly.

Peter started leading the way to his apartment, which was in the same direction as yours. “The place is kinda a mess,” he informed you as you walked next to him, “but it’s not too bad. Mostly just a couple of unfinished works running around.”

“Hey, I don’t mind,” you told him, stepping farther into the sidewalk as a crowd of people walking the opposite direction tried to take over the small space.

“I grew up in Queens,” Peter stated, and when you looked at him, he was scowling slightly, “but lately, all these crowds have been even more rude than usual.”

You chuckled lightly and shrugged your shoulders. “You grew up in Queens, huh? So, you were here when Spider-Man became a thing, yeah?”

If you didn’t know any better, Peter’s shoulders tensed as he waited for the streetlight to change. Then, an almost nervous chuckle flitted over to your ears.

“Yeah, I remember. I saw him swinging around in that cheap ass suit one day after school. How embarrassing for him.” Peter’s ears turned a light pink color.

You hummed in thought slightly, glancing at him as he glanced at you. “I liked that first suit, actually,” you admitted. “I mean, obviously it wasn’t as effective as his following ones, but I’ve always admired homemade creations. It was creative in its design, at least I always thought so from the YouTube videos I’d seen.”

“For real?” Peter asked as you began to cross the street.

“Yeah.”

You were surprised when Peter began to laugh, pulling you into him by your shoulders as you walked. Your heart plummeted as he appeared to laugh at you.

“I’m glad someone liked it!” Peter then said, removing his arm and grinning at you. Your heart slowly began to clamber back up to its new home in your throat. “Especially someone with such good taste as you!”

Your heart raced to your throat like a mountain goat on the hunt for the sweetest grass at the top of the mountain. With your heart came a rush of blood and warmth.

God, you really needed to get it together. You didn’t know how you were supposed to survive around such a sweet man, with such a bright personality.

Eventually, you and Peter made it to his apartment building, which was closer to the subway than your own. He kept you entertained for the short walk, regaling amusing stories from high school and college. You learned of his best friend and now roommate, Ned Leeds, rather early on in the conversation. And you learned that he absolutely adored his Aunt May.

Peter opened the door for you, and you thanked him with a dramatic bow of your upper body, your nerves tingling happily as he laughed and copied your gesture. He introduced you to the doorman (making you realize that this was a really nice building) before pressing the button to call the elevator.

“Geez, this is a nice building,” you remarked as you stepped into the elevator. “The elevator in my building has been out for like three months.”

Peter chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Yeah, well, I haven’t told you about my full-time job yet.”

“I didn’t know a building this nice existed in Queens,” you muttered to yourself, though you were exaggerating just a little.

“I work for Stark Industries,” Peter stated, making your head snap over to him. “I-I started an internship when I was in high school,” he explained nervously, shuffling his feet. “And through college, I worked there too. And now I have a full job with Mrs. Potts-Stark.”

You tilted your head in thought, thoroughly impressed. “Wow, I knew you were smart, but damn, you’re a full-blown genius!”

Peter’s blush crept up the back of his neck and he shifted again, obviously sheepish. He muttered out a shy, “Thanks,” along with a sweet smile. “The great thing about my job, is that it actually leaves a lot of time for my creative endeavors. Mrs. Potts-Stark makes sure of it, actually; she’s very big on preventing burnout.”

“Stark Industries, man, they’re prestigious! I’ve always admired Mrs. Potts-Stark,” you continued as the elevator opened and you both walked out. “She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever read about. She’s so strong, too. And not to mention Tony Stark. I always knew that he wasn’t as selfish as the media made him out to be; I once did research on Howard Stark, and honestly, Tony Stark, before and after developing weapons, makes so much psychological sense. Some people only point out his faults, like his ego or oversight. They say this like it makes him a bad man. I say that he was a great man, with his faults.”

Peter was staring at you, his jaw slightly agape, and there seemed to be tears in his eyes. Concerned, you stepped forward and tilted your head to look into his eyes.

“Peter? Are you okay?” you asked gently.

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered, closing his jaw. Slowly, a smile made its way to his cheeks. “I, um, I was very close with, with Mr. Stark. Sometimes, it’s hard to hear people talk about him like he was this perfect human, or like he was the worst man ever. But, just, hearing you talk about him like that? It means a lot. Y/N, it—it makes me so happy.”

Your hand twitched as you ached to wipe the happy tear from his cheek. You kept it down, instead pulling out a handkerchief and giving it to him. Peter took it from you and glanced between it and you before chuckling wetly.

“You owning a handkerchief is so on-brand,” he chuckled as he wiped his tears quickly. Quite unfairly, it almost looked like he’d never been crying at all.

You chuckled nervously and shifted your weight back and forth. “Sometimes, it makes life a lot easier.” As he tried to hand it back to you, you held up your hands and waved them a bit for added emphasis. “No, no, it’s okay. You keep it. I have… I have more at home,” you ended in a shy whisper, almost not wanting to say it aloud at all because you’d been made fun of before.

“How many?” Peter asked, no trace of malice in his voice. “Enough to be a proper damsel in distress?” This time, he grinned at you before turning to get to his apartment.

“I’m not a damsel,” you scoffed playfully. “Nor am I proper. I’m in distress at lot, but it’s mostly internal,” you chuckled. You waited behind Peter as he unlocked his apartment door (it was painted a dark red, and you quite liked it).

“I’ll have to introduce you to Pepper sometime,” Peter said as he let you inside. “I think you’d both get along really well.”

It was then that it really sunk in for you. You were about to go into the apartment of a man that you met just a few hours ago. While you were fairly certain Peter wasn’t a serial killer, you were worried about what this evening would bring. With your awkwardness, you thought it to be quite possible that the sweet and passionate Peter would kick you out.

[deathfrisbeeinthetardis]

Come the Lightning and the Thunder

Inspired by a hunter!Shane head cannon by the amazing @daizyredz, who also helped me brainstorm the basics for this fic! Heres my late Christmas and early New Years present for you, thanks for talking to me so much :P

Thank you to lovely @solstudio for the beta, any remaining issues are my own, so go check out her work too

Summary:

“I’m just gonna get the holy water.” Shane wheezes out an ‘okay’ because, really, Ryan keeps on surprising him with how good he could be if only he knew the truth. Even with the limited knowledge, he has the basics of protection down all right. “Joke all you want, and don’t ask me for some later.” “I won’t.” Shane replies with a smile, he’s good with his own, thank you very much.

Read below the cut or on Ao3 here!

Shane walked into the church, giving it a once over. He was already fed up with this. Why they couldn’t have just emailed the man instead of coming all the way to visit and interview is beyond Shane, though he had to admit it made slightly better entertainment. He certainly wasn’t going to hold back his annoyance, he hadn’t planned on seeing the Father again anytime in his life. 

They had the cameras all set up before the man himself came striding into frame, shaking both their hands as they introduced themselves. He gives no outer indication, but the Father’s eyes glint sharply when they land on Shane, and his grip is just that much tighter than necessary. 

Fine, Shane can play that game if the padre wants to start the damn thing. 

He watches politely as Ryan asks the pastor about ghosts and demons, the mixture of worry and satisfaction fighting across his face as all of his painstaking research is confirmed by this new source of authority. Shane could have helped him fact check of course, but that would have defeated the whole purpose of his self-imposed post here. 

“Do you have any advice for us, before we go into these places where we may come into contact with not so nice spirits?” Yeah, not go there, Shane thinks. It would certainly make his job easier.

“Are we still on camera?” The priest asks, eyes flicking to Shane. It was fast, but he noticed just the same. 

It wasn’t likely the man would suggest applying wards, that would be overkill for a couple of new internet ghost hunters, not mentioning that it would also mess with all the camera footage and make this interview useless. If the look he shot Shane was any indication, he’s more likely concerned that Shane might react to whatever anti-supernatural advice he was about to give and blow his own cover—-which, frankly, is insulting. Shane’s not a rookie by any standards, and Gary knows that. He just manages to stop himself from clenching his jaw, schooling his face into purely neutral attention. He’s not going to give the man any satisfaction.

“Was this helpful?” Father Thomas asks, holding out his hand for Shane to shake at the end of their demon info session. He almost scoffs. 

“Fascinating.” He says, playing off his somewhat cooled annoyance as amused disbelief, it fits well with the personality that he’s trying to set up. It isn’t like he hates the pastor, the man has known his family since before he could remember. Shane just happened to be very tired of the specific quality of his methods in dealing with cases.

Shane keeps his handheld camera going as they make their way out, Ryan already starting to ramble a little in anticipation of the next stage of their trip. It was amazing, really, how a man could be so scared of the supernatural yet still be willing to put himself into these dangerous situations without any decent protection by his side, none that he knew of anyway. The Madej brand is the best on the market nowadays if he does say so himself.

“You’re not worried about that at all?” Ryan asks, turning around to face Shane with an incredulous smile.

“No,” Shane says with some resolution, why should he be? He was prepared for almost anything, even though all his equipment had to be travel-sized. 

It’s barely been five minutes and Ryan has already latched onto the Father’s annoying catchphrase, muttering 'do not be afraid’ even as they leave the church. He sincerely hopes his companion doesn’t say it too much on location, it might distract him enough to endanger them both if they encounter a situation. 

“Jesus says chill,” Shane says if just to jab at the old pastor. The man had done enough of his 'evangelizing’ on him in his training for a few dozen lifetimes. It also seems to make Ryan calmer when he jokes about the supernatural, he thinks, mouth tilting almost instinctively in response to Ryan’s bright eyes and nervous smile. Shane files that piece of information away for later, in case he ever needed to maintain control for him to do his job.

They’re five feet part when Shane freezes, right at the last of a row of small windows looking into a staircase. Something’s here. A thump sounds from the other side of the glass.

Shane sees Ryan’s whole countenance tighten, eyes fixing instantly on a spot above Shane’s head on the half-transparent panes, right where the noise had come.

“The way the shadows play with your mind.” Shane murmurs, jiggling a hand in front of his face in exaggerated spookiness, hoping Ryan won’t notice the white ghosts of air that spring out with each breath. It was deathly cold where he stood. Shane had thought with the Winchester house’s fame and the damn church in the area, the spirits here would have been taken care of long ago. Apparently, no one bothered to be competent and finish their job. 

“I didn’t see something, I heard a noise right up there." 

"Probably bats.” He says offhandedly, deliberately turning his back to the spot Ryan’s gazing at with that surprising intensity the man occasionally has.

His companion has all the right instincts and sharp senses it is almost a shame he’s working to suppress them. For the dozenth time, Shane considers recruiting the man, but his morals gnaw at him for ever trying to bring a civilian into the life.

When Ryan’s camera battery dies along with Shane’s flashlight, he knows the spirit is following them, likely waiting for them to split so it can do the ol’ sneak attack. Well, Shane’s gonna give it what it wants.

He convinces Ryan to let him explore alone for a bit, but turns off his camera immediately after he’s out of sight. No need to create opportunities for the spirit to show up on film any time soon, neither did he want Ryan seeing what he was about to do. 

Following the cold spots, he slips down into the basement. Peering around with his flashlight, he couldn’t see much, but that held little significance. Despite his earlier dismissal of Ryan’s beliefs, experience has him knowing well that most of his enemies have learned to stay hidden in the shadows, invisible to all except their prey. 

Shane shivers as he reaches the end of one concrete alcove, kneeling down to brush away the dust on the end wall, the cold enough to numb his limbs. With practiced ease, he drew a concealed knife from the sole of his boot, the polished silver glinting in the glare of the flashlight for a second before the battery gave out. Typical. The wind was picking up down here, with not a single window or vent in sight. It knows what he’s about to do.

A grin spreads across his face, and without hesitation Shane sliced the knife down the pad of his thumb, curling his palm to catch the blood that flowed from the wound with more intensity than people usually expect. Then he began to draw on the wall, an intricate symbol that had been drilled into his head enough that he didn’t need the light, struggling back onto his knees when a gust of roaring wind slammed him into the sidewall. He put in the last stroke, and as suddenly as it rushed about, the air quieted, the room filling with tense, suppressed energy. 

The symbol was glowing a soft rose on the concrete, darkening gradually into the crimson of his blood. Shane loosed a sigh, digging out some tissues to clean the remaining red from his hands, already hearing footsteps approaching the door. He’ll have to call this in and get someone to deal with the spirit, and in the meantime, he had to make sure Ryan didn’t see this.

“Why I’m walking here by my fucking self is beyond me,” Ryan says, and Shane rolls his eyes in the darkness. It’s merely for the cameras since he can hear Mark trailing behind his companion, camera poised to capture the best footage. 

Checking again that he didn’t have blood on him, Shane purposefully stomped a step towards the flashlight beam, and sure enough, an echoing yelp rang through the basement. 

“What are you–, hey man, calm down.” Shane laughs at the fear quickly transitioning to bemused annoyance on Ryan’s face. It’s too easy, really. 

He keeps grinning, denying the prank until the last moment,  the smaller man’s breath uneven from his own wheezes as he halfheartedly chases after Shane. But they get out of the basement with no spirit on their tail, which is the point. 

Ryan loiters near the porch, indecision written all over his face. It shouldn’t be too bad, as far as Shane is concerned, the spider doll island was far more disgusting and bothersome than the dainty house that faced them for the night. 

“Are you alright man? Let’s get in there.” he urges, half out of necessity and half out of genuine concern, was there something his companion was noticing about the place that he wasn’t seeing? His eyes sweep over the slightly unkempt exterior. The Sallie house had its name in the community, sure enough, but the demon was dealt with a decade back, all that remained was its oversized reputation. 

“Yeah I know, I’m just gonna get the holy water." 

Shane wheezes out an 'okay’ because, really, Ryan keeps on surprising him with how good he could be if only he knew the truth. Even with the limited knowledge, he has the basics of protection down all right.

"Joke all you want, and don’t ask me for some later." 

"I won’t.” Shane replies with a smile, he’s good with his own, thank you very much. 

The paranormal investigator Ryan digs up is complete bullshit, Shane can tell by his unfamiliar name and the tools he brings with him. It equally amused and annoyed him what technology people these days have made to detect the supernatural, just so they could forget the admittedly more bloody and painful but actually effective methods. 

They congregate in the kitchen to do the flashlight test, and Shane feels Ryan’s eyes on his back as he stalks toward the counter. He could literally see the man’s apprehension grow as he starts talking to the demon just like he would to a guy down the street, just to set Ryan off.

When the light turns on the first time, Shane’s laughing himself breathless at Ryan’s panic, all of them having retreated to the other side of the cozy room. 

“Where’s my holy water?” He copies, and takes the glare Ryan shoots him from his position on the floor with glee. His guard is up though. It’s probably just the reflector cooling, but the chance of danger is still there, slim as it is. 

“If you actually don’t like us, please, just turn it on.” His voice shakes slightly, but it’s more excitement than fear. It’s been a while since he was on a good old fashioned demon job, contrary to belief, LA is actually quite lacking in that department. He starts the chanting at the back of his mind, just in case. Getting right up in the flashlight’s personal space, Shane casually lets a hand drop to the floor, a twitch of fingers has his knife slipped out and pressed against the inside of his wrist and away from the light. 

There are flickers. Ryan shouts and panics. Everyone comes out of the interaction fine.

This isn’t half as bad as his family warned him to be, Shane thinks, spreading his arms wide as he lays on his back in the dark basement. Seriously with all his love for tradition and the older ways of his work, there are some people that should really embrace new tactics for the new world. 

This might actually be fun. 

[elfnerdherder]

Opus Dei: Chapter 3

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A special thanks to my patrons: @sylarana @evertonem @starlit-catastrophe @frostylicker Duhaunt6, Superlurk, Mendacious Bean, and Laura G! :) You guys are amazing!

Chapter 3: Stanislavski Method

Will often found himself down by the small river in the backyard, fishing. In a way it both forced him to face his memories, staggered and hateful as they were, and in a way it allowed him to create new ones by replacing his old footsteps with fresh ones. Isolation in the BSHCI gave him an awful lot of time for thinking, but in this way it somehow was made better by the lack of walls, the constant running water, and the fish.

It was spring, and so there were many. He caught and released, caught and released, and he let his thoughts run with the flow of the river. He'd kept the letter. Signed, C.R. So Hannibal meant to see things through that medium while playing a victim through Alana. He'd expected it, and so it goes. Hannibal meant to make this a game. Will had expected that.

Imprisonment had made him good at those, in some ways. Dr. Chilton wasn't his first warden, after all. He had Hannibal Lecter to thank for that.

The river flowed, and so his thoughts went. It'd been good to see Hannibal first in the shadows this time instead of the light. It made his open threat all the easier to hear: institutionalized somewhere else...

His game would extend only so far as he allowed. He could just as easily try and throw Will into a prettier cell somewhere else and lock away the key.

Still, it was good to see him, get things over with. A punch to the gut, but a necessary one. Hannibal was dating Alana. Another punch, but a manageable one. Will needed a hobby to keep his mind busy, a distraction. Maybe he'd pay and take a class or two for the time that yawned between the baiting and the bite.

-

Beverly Katz had always been an interesting person to Will. Someone that seemed to see his quirks and mind them, and she'd taken his alleged murder spree pretty hard. 

Determination and grit, he would suppose, explain what drove her. Top of the class at school, all because her fury at what Will did drove her to write a thesis on the matter at GWU, one so thorough that she one day made a startling revelation, one so extraordinary that she fell off of her work stool and hit her tailbone, hard.

Her thesis had taken a turn, all because she'd stumbled upon the one point Will had been trying to make the entire time: He was innocent.

The FBI had fast-tracked her application after that. Gotcha, she'd said, sitting down across from Will three years after he'd been imprisoned. 

“You look rough, lumberjack,” Beverly said by way of greeting, sitting down across from him. It was a small, nondescript café, and Will took his coffee black, studying her as he lazily stirred his spoon.

“You don't," he replied.

Clever edges just like Alana's tilted, then quirked into a smile. “The academy was good to me,” she boasted. “There's a few things I have to do for my final classes first, but I passed the courses. You’re looking at an official FBI agent.”

“I'll keep my distance. Don't give my regards to your boss," he warned. He didn't want to give them any opportunities.

"The FBI's the best asset you've got."

“Thank you,” he said, and it had nothing to do with assets or bosses.

Beverly sobered somewhat, and she busied herself with her macchiato. Extra caramel. “It wasn’t just me. As much as I hate to say it, that shrimp of yours really knew how to dig places that I couldn’t reach.”

“That’s because Freddie Lounds doesn’t have the same scruples about the law."

“You could say I didn’t, either.”

“Not once did you break the law.”

“Is that an accusation in Freddie Lounds’ corner?”

“More of an observation."

They exchanged smiles, and somehow this was more validating of his freedom than anything else had been. He'd missed Beverly.

“What now, then?” she asked.

“Alana is dating Hannibal.”

She focused on her macchiato rather than try and find the words to convey the bitter silence that stretched between them. Will focused on the steam that rose from his cup and curled into the air. He couldn't help but wonder how many other setbacks he'd stumble across.

"That will make things...difficult," she managed after some thought. 

"Complicates things," he agreed.

"Do you think that's on purpose?" she asked.

He'd turned that over for most of the night after Alana had confessed her bleak future with Hannibal Lecter. It'd weighed in his gut, lead  that pressed heavier and heavier as late night TV droned in the background.

"I think it's intentional, but there's nothing we can do about that. It doesn't change things, just complicates them."

Beverly snickered, one of the things that hadn't changed since high school. "You're going to lose a friend in all this if you're not careful."

He'd considered that, too. "Probably. Doesn't change anything, either."

"Fair." She scowled. "You think they're banging?"

"Yeah," Jared nodded. "Like rabbits."

"Probably." Will shrugged. "More than likely."

"What's that like, I wonder," she said, more to herself than to Will.

He took that small distinction as an opportunity not to answer. 

They drank their coffee in silence, Will watching the crowd and taking in the small glimpses of mundane existence. It was much like peeking behind a curtain to something secret, those lives he'd never see again, but there was something in their distracted, busy natures that he longed for. Mundane worries, like broken faucets or a missed deadline at work. Friends not texting back--being the friend that didn't text back. He hadn't really had the chance to do that, live something mundane. 

"It's good to see you out of there, Will," Beverly said as they went to part ways. 

"Thanks, Bev. It's...going to be good to be out of there."

"Just call when you're ready."

"Will do," Will said, and that was more a truth than what he'd told Bill Graham.

-

"I know."

"I mean, I'm just absolutely shocked, Will, shocked!"

"I know."

"Do you realize that he could have called the cops? He could have gotten you arrested and thrown back in jail?"

"Yes," he sighed.

"This was the kind of thing that I was afraid of! When I asked if you had any plans for Hannibal this is what I was referring to!"

"I know, I know."

"He's more concerned for your mental health than anything, but someone else wouldn't have been," Alana railed. 

Will took it in stride, seated at the curb just outside of where he had an interview to work in a mechanic shop. A few days of vigorous applications had led him to this place, but it'd also apparently led Hannibal to Alana where he'd made the bold choice to reveal Will's midnight exploits. Will wondered if it was petty revenge or Hannibal's need to revel how easy it was to manipulate her.

"Did it occur to you that I could have been sleeping over?" 

"It didn't," he replied honestly.

"What would you have done if I'd come down the stairs?"

Will pondered that for a moment, drumming fingers on the steering wheel. Across the street, two women had a play date for their children set up at a quaint coffee shop. They chatted amiably while the two girls colored at their smaller table.

"I'd have ran," he decided at last.

"Will," she admonished. "What if he'd called Jack?"

"I bet if I flashed something about the Ripper he'd have let me off so long as it didn't also reference Hannibal," he said, quiet.

"Don't give them any other reason to try and control you," she said, and it only faintly echoed Hannibal's threat. Did they take you off of your medication?

"What's it do to take anti-psychotics that you don't need?" Jared wondered, pacing just in front of him. "You as crazy now as they thought you were?"

"I'm sorry, Alana, I won't do it again," he said, and it sounded damn near sincere. "Just some residual anger, I guess, but I got it out of my system." Seeing Hannibal so ready to unleash his cruel side had helped in some way, bolstered him when he saw him bare his teeth in the dark. It was fitting to first see him cast in shadows this time. The first time they'd met, he'd been sitting underneath the hallway light.

"Really?" she asked dubiously. "Are you going to go and see someone about it at least? Or even just about anything that's happened?"

"I spent the last four year under the scrutiny of doctors digging into my brain like teenagers behind the bleachers at a football game, and you think I'm going to go and pay one to do it?" he laughed, and he chewed at his thumb idly, more to have something to do with his mouth than cuss. "I'm actually going into a job interview. Like I said, I need to have busy hands. Get a job is on my list."

"Idle hands are the devil's workshop," she said with a sigh. "Good luck, Will."

"Thanks, Alana."

"I think you owe Hannibal an apology."

"I don't, and you can tell him I said that. But also remind him to leave me the hell alone."

"Will-"

"Have a good day, Alana," he urged, and he hung up.

-

A week passed, and he found himself the proud owner of the title Shift Lead at Wilson's Auto Body. It was a crowning achievement that he shared with absolutely no one. It kept his hands busy, and it felt about as honest as he was going to get anytime soon.

When he wasn't working, he mindlessly distracted himself with fixing the house up, doing remedial repairs to damages from the winter. He thought of Nicholas Boyle carved open in the field, kisses stolen in the heat of desperation, and he kept his back to it.

He hadn't had the phone a month before he started rejecting calls from Jack Crawford. Will supposed news traveled fast in the FBI, and if Beverly was going to work closely under him in the BAU, she'd have to share information when requested.  Will hadn't let him get more than ten seconds on the line before he'd hung up the first time, and  every other call since went to voicemail.

Work was tedious said the assistant manager during the orientation That wasn't the case for Will, hungry as he was to simply do. Four years did something to the mind, made the idea of work even so boring as oil changes and air pressure checks exciting. Eyes burned holes into walls when a mind needed to be busy. Teeth chewed through lips when a mind had nothing to turn to.

His new coworkers complained, but they didn't seem to know just how good they had things, how even a freedom so simple as bitching on the job was just that--freedom given. Money bought clothes, shelter, meals; meals of your choice that tasted much better than the dry part of a sponge. There were other ways of eating three squares that didn't taste so good going down.

The hours after work yawned open. He re-stained chairs at the house and even painted the white rails on either side of the steps leading up to the front door. Will fixed leaks, kinks, faulty valves, and a windows whose latches didn't want to stay. He didn't think to ask the landlord for compensation as he did it. Will considered it an investment for when he finally tried to buy the thing off of her. He needed to stay busy, and the house needed repairs.

Like Beverly said, call when ready. He was still waiting for the timing to be just right. At night, Winston stretched across the end of the bed, and he stared up at the ceiling and counted the blinks of his eyelids, waiting for sleep to claim him. 

It was the same ceiling as the one his father once stared up at, he figured. The associations came when darkness fell, and he pondered a mind so fragile as to fall apart and make new whenever stress became too much a burden to bear. Did Bill Graham lay awake those nights and wonder just what in the hell was wrong with his son just down the hall? Had he ever pressed an ear to the door when Will came to, screaming, or had he simply turned over in his sleep to ignore it? Will thought of each house they'd moved through like turning pages in a pop-up book, each life rising with the fall of the last.

Not for the first time, there was the lingering notion that not once in the entire time they'd lived there did Bill Graham ever go to check on his son in the middle of the night when he'd woken from a nightmare. Hard to say if it was because he was a heavy sleeper, or because he wasn't even home to check.

The medicine from the hospital was cold turkey. Insomnia haunted him in the weeks that followed his release. He needed another hobby.

-

JT's Bait Shop sat just outside of Wolf Trap National Forest, and that's where Will liked to do his shopping. It was quick, it carried Sour Cream and other essentials, and if you had to pick it out from around the fresh worms best used for fishing that were housed in small Styrofoam containers, that was your problem. Not JT's. 

On one such trip, Will snagged a jug of milk that cost an extra buck sixty-eight--not worth a trip into town--and strolled to the counter, fishing out few small bills. The cashier was a teenager he'd seen in there before, a local kid that knew just about anybody, and just in front of Will stood a whole heap of frustration with a high blonde ponytail bobbing and jerking in frustration.

"I don't care what you think, two dollar bills do in fact exist, and you can't deny legal tender."

"Ma'am, I've never seen a two-dollar bill, and I'm not comfortable accepting this."

"But it's legal tender!"

"I've never even heard of a two-dollar bill."

"Is this a generational thing?!"

The teen at the counter was uncomfortable. Red was creeping up his neck in patches while he tried to reason with her. "Uh, it's more of a security thing..."

From behind, the woman's ponytail was the sort of honeyed blonde that caught colors under the hi-beam florescent bulbs. It quivered, then jerked as her head tilted just-so. "I'd google it if I thought that'd be enough to convince you."

"I'm more than happy to call my boss again if you'd like."

"Oh, JT is gonna pick up his phone this time, you think?"

"It's his son that owns it now, his name's Les," he said unhelpfully. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, nervous. Saying no to customers wasn't his past time.

"Les, yeah, my mistake!"

"Ma'am, if you could just-"

"I got it," said Will, and he laid the cash on the counter. 

The woman turned, baby blue eyes prickling as she flipped her frustration onto him. "It's the principle of the thing, but thanks."

"He's not taking that bill."

"He is," she countered.

Will blinked, and there was a blurry moment in the bait shop where he swore it was Abigail glaring at him like that, all fire and brimstone. Lips pursed because Marissa had said something stupid, and she wanted to fix it. He blinked again, and the woman's face was warmer, her eye color less like still water and more like the foam cresting the wave. The sun was kind to her, and there was no sun to be kind to Abigail because she was most certainly dead.

"Hi, Will," the teen said, recognizing him from other sad little grocery trips. Relief was a rush of sweat that made the red rise up onto his cheeks. A local here to rescue him from the crimes of forged two-dollar bills. Tourist season was coming, and he wasn't going to be prepared for it. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he said distractedly, then, "I don't mind."

"But I mind," she protested. 

Will minded a lot of things, and this entire scenario was one of them. When the pause dragged, he let out a sigh and slapped down a few more bucks. "That's for the milk, too," he said to the kid, and he walked out of the shop to his truck. That fight wasn't his, and he had to stop doing that.

"Hey!"

He fished his key out and ignored the woman calling out to him. Winston was waiting in the truck, and he could hear the tail smacking against the jockey box before the door had even opened.

"Hey," she said again, reaching him at a jog. In the fast approaching sunset, the grasping fingers of light did her hair far more justice than the gas station lightbulbs had. "I was trying to talk to you."

"I'm trying to leave," he replied.

"Got someplace to be?"

"With milk?" He shrugged non-committedly. "Home."

Be it the indignantly puzzled look on her face or how her mouth worked the words over that she wanted to say, something made his hand hesitate on the handle. Her jaw clenched, unclenched, then she said, "I didn't need rescued in there."

"Over a couple of bucks, I'd believe it," he agreed. 

"Why'd you do it, then?"

Why,  indeed? Because that's what he did, even when he didn't quite want to, right? Fix things? Repair things? He shrugged and opened the door, stopping Winston just shy of leaping from the car to greet them. "Just being helpful, I guess."

She looked like she wanted to argue that a little more, but at the armful of dog, she was pleasantly distracted. "Is that your rush?" she asked. A smile warred with her indignation.

"Yes," he lied, working his fingers through Winton's fur. "Don't keep dogs in cars; isn't that the rule?"

"I think it's on hot days with the windows rolled up, but I get it," she agreed, and whatever war she'd felt the need to wage abated, there in a whirlwind and somehow all at once gone. "My name's Molly."

"I'm Will."

"I heard," she said, and her smile grew a little. She seemed older than him by just a year or so. It wasn't in her face, but in her eyes that seemed an even darker blue in the sunset. "You always this helpful to strangers, Will?"

"Sometimes," he said with a shrug. "Sometimes I'm not."

"I caught you on a good day, then?"

He glanced to the sky, then back to her eyes. His fingers felt soft wrapped in Winton's fur, although the dog breath was an issue. He'd need to get some dental chew-ables "...A pretty good day, yeah."

There was another pause, rough like the one inside the shop, but this one Molly seemed bent on breaking. She shifted from one foot to the other, and she tilted her head, ponytail swaying to the side. Her eyes cut to Winston, then back to Will. "You ever give your phone number out, or is this not that kind of good day?"

Do you date, Will?

Knee-jerk was to say no, there wasn't ever really a day like that for him because the few times he'd had days like that they'd ended up particularly awful, but the protest couldn't quite make it past his stomach. It rose with the acid, then stopped, waiting for something. His eyes traced over hair--wheat in the rapidly dripping sun--before something tugged at his lips, akin to a smile.

"I think it could be that kind of good day," he said, and he fished his phone out for her. "Sit," he said, and Winston sat in the driver's seat to wait.

She put her number in and passed it back to him. It was a curious thing, pressing send and letting it ring before he hung up and plugged in the name Molly with Winston's breath hot on his ear. He didn't want to quite call it excitement that stirred in his gut, but it was something too pleasant to be called anxiety. A girl wanted his number. A girl wanted him to call her.

"Call me sometime," she said as she went to save his number. The smile she flashed was cheeky as she glanced up. "You got a last name to go with that first one?"

He thought to lie about it, but the thought couldn't quite gain traction. Most people knew the name 'Will Graham', and likely in her pending searches through Google and Facebook she'd stumble across his tragic tale and every sordid detail of it. It surely meant that when the time came and he called she'd let it go to voicemail, the nice guy not-so-nice now that she knew just what it took for him to get there, but...

"Graham," he said, and he met her baby blues as he did. "Will Graham."

[pug-bitch]

That’s not why I’m going (17)

Something needs to change

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake Walker x Amara Suarez

Rating: some foul language, some extremely suggestive, and a VERY steamy scene. This is absolutely NOT appropriate for people under 18.

Word count: 4,600 (let me know if the ‘keep reading’ cutoff isn’t working well!)

Notes: This picks up exactly where we left off, after Liam’s outburst, but with Maxwell’s POV for once.

*****

Maxwell can’t believe what he’s hearing. Since they were kids, Liam and Drake were always a unit. They didn’t always agree, didn’t always see eye to eye, but they always supported each other and absolutely never fought. As soon as Liam repeated that Drake should get out, Drake obliged, without a word, in a quiet fury. Maxwell didn’t budge, not because he didn’t want to get involved, but because he was so surprised and dumbfounded. Of course he could sense the rift that was growing between the two best friends, but he had just assumed that it was due to the situation with Amara and would fix itself once the competition was over.

This seemed to be beyond fixing.

As Drake walks away, Maxwell wakes up from his torpor and tells Liam he’ll be right back.

‘Don’t bother, Max, Drake is fucking stubborn,’ Liam spits out.

‘I’m just gonna go talk to him, ok?’

He runs after Drake, who’s already far down the stairs.

‘Drake, wait!’ Out of breath, he catches up to him.

‘Max, go back. Don’t get involved.’

How could he not get involved? He was knee deep in this shit already. ‘No way. Look, Liam didn’t mean it, it was the heat of the moment, let me talk to him and I’ll fix it.’

Drake shakes his head, his face red with anger. ‘Seriously Maxwell, stay out of it. I don’t regret a word I said and I am not going to apologize for standing up for Amara. Liam doesn’t apologize, not sincerely anyways, so I better go.’

Max grabs Drake’s arm. ‘Go where? Please don’t leave. Of course I agree with what you said. Liam is...different, since the competition. Hell, he’s been different since Leo left. But I believe we’ll have our friend back, once he figures out who he is as a King.’

‘You’re naive, Max.’

Maxwell had heard this one a lot. Naive, careless, airheaded, you name it. Usually, he was fine with it. He was a good friend, even if he was not the most serious and dependable person ever. But now, coming from Drake, in this very situation, he didn’t want to let it slide. ‘I don’t think I am,’ he replies, ‘I think you’re being pessimistic, actually. This is a difficult time for Liam, a transitional time. Is he in the wrong to push himself onto Amara? Absolutely. But does he deserve our support in the difficult time? Also yes.’

Drake opens his mouth to respond, then closes it. After a few seconds of reflection, he finally says, ‘You’re right. I can’t go back in though, Max. He doesn’t want me here. I’m gonna go see what I can do for the barn raising this afternoon, ok?’

Max pats his back and pulls him into a hug, before going back to Liam’s suite. He finds Liam hunched over the breakfast table, his head in his hands. ‘Li, are you ok?’

Upon noticing Maxwell, Liam bolts up. ‘I’m fine. Sorry for the outburst, Maxwell. I didn’t mean to involve you in our...problems.’

‘No need to apologize. I’m just concerned, I’ve never seen you guys fight.’ Maxwell realizes he has to tread lightly if he wants to cool things down between his two friends. ‘Drake was just trying to stand up for Amara. The three of us have been spending some time together, and with Hana too, we’ve grown close. Please don’t blame Drake for defending his friend.’

‘That’s the thing, Max. I don’t blame him for being a good friend to Amara. I know I crossed a line with her, and I may act all cool about it, but I feel like a jerk. I apologized to her, and I am aware I need to change the way I approach her. But what really gets to me, Max, is that I used to be Drake’s friend, too. I used to be the one he defended the most, the one he supported the most. Now, he antagonizes me.’

Max nods, not knowing what to say, or what he can say to Liam without disastrous consequences. He decides to try one route. ‘Drake feels like he’s losing you, too, Liam. Ever since you’ve had to take on new responsibilities. You know how uncomfortable Drake is with nobility and royalty.’

‘I get that. I do. I have trouble recognizing myself, sometimes. And, between you and me, I wish Leo were still in line for the throne, even though it would be terrible news for Cordonia, and he would probably lose the country in a game of poker.’ They both chuckle at the thought of Leo as a King. ‘But Max,’ Liam continues, ‘everyone is saying how much happier Drake seems these days, and I’m happy for him if that’s the case, if he finally learned to cope with his father’s death and his sister’s disappearance. If he’s found peace, I’m happier for him than anyone. Everyone says so, oh, Drake is so much friendlier, so much less gloomy... Except that, when he’s around me, he’s tense as fuck and we haven’t had a decent conversation in weeks. I’m losing my best friend and I don’t know what to do, Max.’

Wow. What could Maxwell say to that? Of course, this is good news for them, for Drake especially. Liam didn’t want him gone, didn’t really mean what he said earlier. He was just lashing out. But if Max thought of Liam, and only Liam, this was a tough situation. He is set to be King very shortly and he has lost himself in the process. Chances are, it won’t get better anytime soon. ‘I’m sorry, Liam. Would you like me to talk to him?’

Liam hesitates and nods. ‘If you could. Again, I’m sorry for involving you, but you guys seem to be closer than ever, and the rift between me and Drake is getting so big that it will be insurmountable soon if we don’t do anything.’

Maxwell nods, finishes his coffee, and can’t help but think that the rift will become a canyon once the whole Dramara business comes to light.

*****

Still furious, Drake walks out of the manor, and towards the field where they will raise barns this afternoon. He tried to go see Amara and tell her about the breakfast fiasco, but she was already gone to the pie contest. He’d have to see her later.

After helping the staff out with the wood, nails and tools, Drake heads to the lunch buffet by the pie makers, hoping to see Amara. If she’s not there, part of him just wants to drive back to his dad’s cabin and hide out there until things with Liam calm down.

Liam had never talked to him like that. Had never told him to leave. If anything, Drake was the short-tempered one, although his temper had never been directed towards Liam before either. Of course Drake was angry with Liam’s attitude towards Amara. He kinda wishes he could punch Liam the way he had punched Tariq, it would make him feel better for a hot second. Is their friendship over? If not now, it certainly would be once Liam finds out he and Amara are together.

When he sees her, at her pie station, his heart skips a beat. For her, anything that is coming his way is worth the pain and trouble. For her, he’d do anything.

She smiles at him through the crowd and walks towards him, after checking that her pie is baking ok.

‘Hey,’ she says with a dashing smile. ‘Are you ok?’

He nods weakly, and whispers, ‘Can we go talk somewhere?’

‘Yeah, let’s go now, I’ll ask Hana to check on my pie.’

Once away from prying eyes and ears, Drake fills her in on the recent developments. Amara listens intently, her smile fading away a little after each sentence. ‘Drake, I’m so sorry it has come to this, and it’s all because of me,’ she finally says.

‘What? No, don’t be sorry. I don’t regret standing up for you, not at all. You did nothing wrong.’

‘Well…’ she replies. ‘By staying in this competition, I am technically leading Liam on.’

‘No you’re not. You clearly said no to his advances and he kept going. Him and Tariq, both of them, they’re--’

‘Shh,’ she interrupts him. ‘Calm down. I know, they have issues with the word ‘no’. But...still, I don’t want your friendship with Liam to be ruined. Not after all you’ve been through together.’

Her eyes look painfully sad, all of a sudden. Drake wishes he could kiss her, take the pain away. ‘Babe, it’s ok, I’ll fix it. Max talked to him, and...if it doesn’t work, well, not all friendships are supposed to be forever.’

‘But he’s like your brother, Drake. You can’t lose him because of me.’

The guilt in her eyes is almost unbearable. Drake thinks about her dad, and what he said to her on the phone. He wants her to forgive herself and to start living. Drake wants the same for her, and doesn’t want her to feel guilty about yet another thing that she didn’t cause. He grabs her hands. ‘You have done nothing wrong. Please. I just wanted to let you know, in case I have to leave court. If things go really wrong, I’ll go lay low at my dad’s cabin in Portavira. I’ll come back for you, and I’ll make sure you’re safe.’

‘If you’re leaving, I’m leaving. This isn’t why I’m here.’ She gestures at everything around. ‘You’re the reason why I’m here.’

*****

Amara heads back to her baking station, tears in her eyes. As annoying and problematic as Liam is, she knows that he and Drake are close, were close. They could be close again, if she wasn’t in the picture. She hates this trope, the temptress coming between two friends and ruining their relationship. It’s misogynistic and tired, but here we are, aren’t we? She knows it’s not her fault per se, of course she does. But at the same time, none of this would happen if she weren’t here. Just like that day in Brooklyn. She wasn’t the one firing the gun. But had she asked another person to fill in for Jamie, Callie would still have her dad, and Michael his husband.

‘Amara, are you ok?’ Hana asks, a concerned look on her face.

Amara nods, ‘I’ll tell you about it tonight, but don’t worry hun.

Out come the pies, and the judges take them away for them to cool off. Amara makes eye contact with Madeleine’s icy blue eyes, and expressionless face. Was this all worth it? Should she just run away with Drake? Or should she leave, go back to her shitty life, and leave everyone be?

She needs a minute. She takes off her apron and walks towards the bathroom. She washes her face, her makeup be damned. She hears a knock. It can’t be Drake, he went back to the barns. ‘I’ll be out in a minute!’ she yells.

‘Suarez, open up,’ Olivia says.

She lets her in, half annoyed, half grateful to see her friend’s resting bitch face. ‘You have to stop getting into the bathroom with me, Nevrakis.’

Olivia scoffs. ‘Is that what you say to Drake every time you go to the restroom to fuck? I don’t think so, so shut up.’

Amara sighs. ‘What do you want?’

‘To talk to you. I saw Beaumont, the little one, earlier. He told me about Liam and Walker’s fight.’

‘Yeah, Drake told me. This isn’t good, Olivia.’

‘No it’s not. Liam is out of control, and Walker is blinded by the heart eyes he has for you. Someone needs to do the right thing.’

Amara lets out a long sigh, as she fixes her ponytail. ‘I know.’

‘FYI, I’m doing what I can, but I think that Liam’s only interested in being friends with benefits with me, not in marrying me. So, now what?’

‘Are you serious? Did he tell you that?’

‘Not in so many words, but he did tell me last night that he’s glad our friendship can handle the more physical aspects of this relationship. I almost barfed.’

‘You should have barfed. On him.’ Amara shakes her head, and adds, ‘I’m so sick of all of this shit, Olivia. It can’t keep going on like this. This isn’t fair to you, or to Drake.’

‘Or to you,’ Liv adds. ‘You’re right, something needs to change.’

*****

After the pie contest, gracefully won by Hana, Amara takes her friend for a congratulatory coffee. Hana, humble as ever, accepts but insists on returning the favor the next day.

Amara fills her in on the latest drama and Hana, always a good listener, nods and waits until Amara is done explaining to respond: ‘I think you’re right, Amara. It’s a good idea. I wish I had your guts.’

‘You do though. If you were in my situation, you would have grown the ovaries to do this a long time ago. You’re fierce, Hana, a lot more than you give yourself credit for.’

The young woman blushes and dismisses the compliment. ‘Amara, can I ask you a question?’ Amara nods. ‘Are you in love with Drake?’

The question sends a pang into Amara’s heart. Of course Hana was perceptive enough to see it, even if they hadn’t officially told her. Suddenly, Amara feels terrible for not keeping her friend in the loop, when both Max and Olivia are aware of the relationship. ‘Yes,’ she replies. ‘I am.’

Hana smiles and takes her hand. ‘I’m happy for you. He’s such a good man.’

Amara looks down and smiles. ‘He is. Hana, I’m sorry, I should have told you earlier. I wanted to, but--’

‘Stop. I know you were going to tell me. You know I trust you, and I know you trust me. There’s no need for useless apologies between us, Amara. We’re on the same boat.’ God, she’s a model of grace, that woman. Amara looks at her, admiring her poise. ‘The reason I asked you this is, I want you to remember this, and never forget that you’re in love with him. Don’t let anything else get in your way. Ok?’

‘It’s complicated, Hana, I don’t want to ruin--’

‘Amara, he loves you too. It’s obvious. Well, maybe not for people who don’t know you, because I know that you guys are making efforts to be discreet. But every time you both let your guards down, it’s plain to see. Please don’t let guilt, or anything else, get in the way of love. Do you promise me?’

Amara wants to promise. She should, right? Love is what saves, not what tears apart. Love is what helped her family stay afloat after Mom died. Love is what united Dad and Nancy, who found each other in their grief. Love is what made Callie possible.

Love was not the problem. She had never run out of it. ‘I promise, Hana.’

‘Good. Don’t lose sight of what’s important. Fuck the rest.’

Amara had been startled by Hana’s swearing. She had never heard her say anything like that before.

*****

The barn raising even was about to start, and Drake was ready to lose himself in physical work, and find reasons to get closer to Amara. She had changed for the occasion, now wearing jeans and a black T-shirt with a lace V-neck. He tried not to stare too much, but he couldn’t help himself. She met his eyes several times and they let the eye contact last more than was reasonable.

‘Drake,’ Liam says solemnly, approaching him. ‘Can we talk for a second?’

Drake nods, still silent. The two men step aside, and Liam starts talking. ‘I shouldn’t have lost my temper this morning. You shouldn’t have either. Can we agree to that?’

‘I guess,’ Drake responds. ‘I stand by what I said, though.’

‘That’s your prerogative. I didn’t appreciate your tone, or your insinuating that I sexually harassed Amara. I may have crossed a line, but so did you.’

‘Liam, I was just telling you that what you did wasn’t ok.’

‘I hear you. As I said to Max this morning, I know I should have been more respectful of boundaries. Please feel free to call me out when you think I’m out of line, but don’t disrespect me either.’

Drake nods. ‘That’s fair.’

‘Now I know that you and Amara are close friends. I know you’re protective of her, which is very commendable. I do appreciate that.’

Drake didn’t expect that. Max must have done a good job talking Liam through it this morning. ‘Thanks. I value her a lot and want her to be comfortable.’

‘Well, we both agree on that. I guess that’s a start.’ Liam holds out his hand, which Drake shakes.

‘I just don’t recognize you, Liam,’ Drake can’t help but add. ‘You’re not the Liam I know.’

‘I’m going to be King soon. My father is gravely ill. My brother doesn’t give a shit. Should I continue? If you had bothered to check on me, you’d know.’

Liam’s voice could cut glass. Drake mutters back, ‘You...you’re right. I’m sorry. I should have been a better friend.’

‘People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, Drake. If you think I’ve been a bad friend, look in the mirror and question yourself a bit, will you?’

Drake isn’t sure what to say. He has been distracted, it’s true. But part of the reason why he became distant is because Liam had started acting different. Still, Drake doesn’t want to make too many waves, not today. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry. Truce?’

Liam flashes an unnatural smile. ‘Truce. Now let’s raise the roof of the barn, shall we?’

‘Good pun.’

*****

The barn raising event had been successful, and everyone had gone back to their quarters to shower and get ready for dinner. Amara had gone back upstairs alone, but as soon as she heard Drake come back to his room, she took her change of clothes and knocked on his door.

‘Hey Suarez,’ he says, opening the door.

‘Hey handsome.’ She puts her stuff down on the bed, and throws herself in Drake’s arms, capturing his lips in a long, deep kiss.

‘What was that for?’ he asks with a smirk.

‘You looked so hot without your shirt on, lifting all those beams.’

‘You looked very hot too, Suarez, in your casual V-neck. I may have stared a little too much...’

‘Would you have some space left in your shower for a poor American bartender?’

He scoffs. ‘Sure, Detective Bartender. I can make some space.’

Off come the clothes, one by one, as they make their way to the bathroom, their lips not leaving each other. Naked, Drake turns on the shower, and makes an exaggerated curtsy signaling for her to hop in first. She lets the water drip all over her and closes her eyes. Soon, she feels Drake’s arms around her waist. He is standing behind her, kissing her neck and shoulders relentlessly. His hard, muscular body is pressed against her back, and she savors the feel of his erect penis on her ass. She turns around and kisses him more, as he pulls her closer.

Soon enough, he flips her around again, and she bends over slightly. Drake’s hands tease her entrance, until she can’t take it anymore. ‘Fuck me,’ she whispers, as he plants a trail of kisses along her shoulder blades. He doesn’t have to be told twice. She feels the tip of his cock make its way between her pussy lips, and he progressively pushes his whole length inside her, drawing a low groan from her. His lips are still firmly attached to her body, as if he could not stop kissing her. He fucks her deep and slow, just the way she likes it, his hands massaging her breasts.

A while later, they both get dressed for the dinner event. Drake puts on a gray collared shirt and jeans, while Amara is zipping up a light pink dress. ‘You look so beautiful,’ he says, with a sad smile. ‘I’m so sorry about all the drama with Liam. You don’t deserve that.’

‘Drake please. You guys had a good talk, Maxwell is in our corner, we’ll be fine. Plus, I asked for a one-on-one meeting with Liam.’

Drake’s eyes widen. ‘What?’

Amara feels terribly about springing this on him, but she needed to tell him. ‘I requested a meeting. After dinner, in his study. I made it clear that it was not a date. Just a talk, regarding his present. I’m going to return it.’

He runs his hand through his hair, visibly not sure what to say. ‘Oh. Really?’

‘Yes. I need a word with him. To set the record straight.’

‘Are you sure?’

She closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around Drake’s neck. ‘Drake, do you trust me?’

Without a moment’s hesitation, he replies, ‘Of course.’

‘Then you have nothing to worry about.’ She kisses him on the lips. ‘Plus, we both know that things cannot stay the way they are. It’s too tense, too awkward. Something’s gotta give.’

Drake nods. ‘You’re right. Please be careful.’

Amara scoffs. ‘Remember what happened to the last guy who tried to fuck me against my will?’

Drake finally breaks into an earnest smile. ‘True. I shouldn’t be worried about you, huh?’

‘No you shouldn’t. But I’m grateful that you are looking out for me.’ She pauses, and swallows hard. ‘I love you, Drake.’

He pulls her into a tight hug. ‘I love you too, Amara.’

*****

All through dinner, Drake is nervous. He trusts Amara’s judgment, of course he does. But he can’t help but think about her overpowering guilt, when they talked during the pie contest. Could she just say ‘Fuck it’, and withdraw from the competition to avoid ruining Drake and Liam’s friendship? It wouldn’t be the first time Amara put her own life on hold to punish herself. But Drake has to stop thinking about this. She knows best.

‘Drake,’ hana whispers, next to him. ‘Are you ok?’

She gestures at his restless leg, which has been shaking the table for the past course. ‘Sorry,’ he mutters. ‘I’m fine. You?’

Hana looks around, making sure no one is listening. Indeed, most people at the table are enthralled in a passionate debate about which A Star is Born version is the best. ‘You have to relax. Things will fall into place. Amara has got this.’

He locks eyes with Hana, and realizes that she probably knows more than he thought she did. Hell, she probably knows more than him. ‘What do you mean?’ he asks.

‘I mean that she knows what she’s doing. She’s good on her feet, Drake. Why do you think she’s so good with the press? The woman is a wizard.’

He chuckles. ‘That, she is.’

Hana chimes in to the main conversation for a second. ‘I really love the Garland version, but personally, I am very hopeful for the Cooper/Gaga remake.’

Amara excitedly responds, ‘Exactly. People have been sleeping on Bradley Cooper for YEARS. I have known since The Hangover that he’s the best actor of his generation.’

Drake lets out a chuckle. Of course Amara couldn’t just not respond to a Bradley Cooper comment, and Hana knows that.

‘I’m happy for you guys,’ Hana whispers very quietly.

Drake smiles and makes eye contact with her. ‘Thanks Han. We’re lucky to have you.’

‘Ditto,’ she responds, nudging him with her elbow.

*****

After dinner, Amara goes back to her room to check her emails before her scheduled meeting with Liam. Jamie has gotten back to her about the Savannah case. To avoid unnecessary back and forth, she dials his number. He picks up immediately. ‘Suarez! So good to hear from you!’

She hadn’t heard her former partner’s voice since Sergio’s funeral. They had exchanged emails and texts over the past two years, but never calls. His friendly tone makes her happy, but simultaneously extremely sad. She tries to shake it off. ‘You too, Anderson. How’s life?’

‘Good, just the routine, you know. Lena and I are trying to have another baby, did I tell you that?’

‘Oh that’s amazing, I’m excited for you guys. Give Lena my best, and of course, give kisses to little Theo for me.’

‘Will do. So, I’m assuming you wanna talk about the case you asked me about?’

‘Yeah…’ she feels bad about cutting the small talk short, but she’s running out of time. ‘Thanks for sending me what you found.’

‘Of course. So, see the country code in there? It means the account is from a French bank.’

‘Ok. And does that mean that she has to be in France to access the money? Or could she be in a different country in Europe and still use that account?’

‘Well, that depends on the bank. Some of them have fees for Europe, and some others don’t. This one is called Crédit Agricole, I can research it for you if you want.’

‘It’s ok, I’ll do it. Thank you, though.’

‘No problem. Did you wanna know anything else?’

‘I think I can go from here. I’ll contact the bank and start looking around for clues.’

‘If you run into hurdles, let me know and I’ll contact the IT team. Did you say she had a baby recently?’

‘About a year ago, yeah.’

‘Once you know more about her location, try to look for mommy groups or support groups for single moms. That could potentially be a lead.’

‘Good thinking, Jamie. Thanks for everything, really.’

‘You’re very welcome, I’m happy to be able to do something for you. You take care, ok? And if there’s anything else, or if you just want to brainstorm, you know I’m here, right?’

Amara smiles. ‘I know. Thank you dude.’

She hangs up. Finally a lead. She could research and contact Crédit Agricole tomorrow, finally a reason to use her French besides to shut Kiara up. French banks could work in Europe, but if there are fees, why bother with a foreign account at all? Chances were, Savannah was in France.

Amara changes into something less sexy than her pink dress. Her meeting with Liam is very clearly not a date, but you never know. She opts for black pants and a yellow blouse.

At 10pm sharp, Amara is posted in front of Liam’s study. Before going in, she texts Drake, aware that he was probably nervous. She didn’t want to tell him too much of her intentions, because he would probably try to stop her, or to convince her not to do anything.

Going in now. Wait up for me, I will meet you in your room when the meeting is over. Please don’t worry. Pick a movie for later.

She knocks.

‘Come in!’

‘Good evening, Liam.’

‘Good evening, Amara. Please, take a seat. Would you like a glass of wine?’

She sits down and nods. Maybe it wasn’t wise to drink with him, it could give him the wrong impression. But she wasn’t there to be rude either, and what she had to say was clear enough of a message.

He hands her a glass of white wine. ‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome. I was pleasantly surprised to find out you wanted to see me. You’ve always played hard to get.’

She forces a smile. She’s playing hard to get because she’s impossible to get, for Liam at least. ‘Well, I had things to share with you.’

Liam nods. ‘Go on.’

‘It won’t necessarily be pleasant, but they have to be said.’

Liam’s smile falters, just for a second. ‘Go on.’

*****

Taglist:

@andy-loves-corgis , @drakewalkerwhipped , @drakxwalker , @drakewalkerrosenberg , @drakeswalkers , @drakelover78 , @silviasutton1989 , @jovialyouthmusic , @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria , @mariahschoices , @drakesensworld , @thequeenofcronuts , @notoriouscs , @drakewalkerisreal , @nikkis1983​ , @simsvetements , @alesana45

Thank you for your encouragements, everyone! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist :)

[shesgayfor]

Dr. Stan

Summary: Sebastian is readers boyfriend, and he’s a successful dentist Reader needs her wisdom teeth out and he does it for her. Mention of Chris Evans, his dental assistant. Fluffy and detailed.

Characters: Sebastian Stan, Reader, Chris Evans

TW: Dental, Dentist tools/talk, Medication, Anxiety

Weekday nights were for relaxing, and that’s exactly what you planned on doing. It was a little after five and you were waiting for your boyfriend of four years, Sebastian to come home. His career in dentistry allowed you both to live in a New York penthouse, while your career in journalism allowed you to have connections with the celebrity world. You’d been relaxing after a long day of work, watching whatever TV show you were currently binging on Netflix. You were mostly trying to keep yourself distracted, as a pain in your back mouth arose earlier today. You were eager for Sebastian to get home and check it out for you, because something didn’t feel right.

Minutes later, the door handle jingled and in walked your tall, muscular, lean, blue eyed man. He was currently wearing your favorite look, a full beard and hair that stayed up and in place like it was meant to. This man was so damn attractive to you.

“Hey babe!” He excitedly spoke to you. He had a laptop bag around his shoulder, to which he placed on the table in front of him. You got up and went to put your arms around him. He’s six feet tall, and you’re a decent five nine. The height difference wasn’t too much, but his tallness made you feel safe, always. Your grip was tight, you had been waiting for him for a while. “Hi love” you finally mustered out. He took his arms and wrapped them around you tightly, resting his head on yours.

“Busy day?” You asked unwrapping yourself from him, so you could make eye contact and see his face.

“No, not really.” He replied with a soft smile on his face. You nodded then hugged him again. After minutes of standing still and hugging, you both finally released each other and got situated for the night. You took a seat back on the couch, and Sebastian started up a meal for you both to enjoy.

“Hey, can you make something kinda soft to eat? Like soup or something.” You kindly asked.

“Of course. Any specific reason?” He replied.

“Yeah babe something in my mouth hurts.” You stuck your finger to the back of your gums, feeling around it. “I feels like a tooth or something I don’t know it hurts.”

A look of concern grew over his face. He didn’t like seeing you in pain. “Where exactly does it hurt?” He walked closer to you.

“Like right behind the very last molar in my mouth.” You we’re familiar with dental terms as Sebastian often talked about his work with you.

“Uh huh, and it feels like, pressure kinda?” He asked.

“Yeah, like the gums are about to burst.” You laughed as you said this. “Any idea what it is?”

“I would have to look to be sure, but it sounds like your wisdom teeth are coming in.” He replied.

“Dear god really? At 26?” You and him were ten years apart, nothing too out of ordinary. You were successful for your age and definitely didn’t act like someone in their late twenties.

“I mean yeah, not everyone gets them out at the same age, everyone’s different.” He replied.

“You’ve had yours out, right?” You softly asked.

“Yup back in high school actually. I don’t remember it too much, all I remember is being out of school for like two weeks so that was awesome.”

“Awe I can imagine you in high school, I bet you were adorable.” You were grinning widely at him. He started to blush at your words.

“Oh yeah if you think a chubby, nerdy, braces wearing weirdo was adorable sure.” He sounded embarrassed.

“Um yes, I do.” Your face was still one of a stupid grin. “Braces babe? Of course, shoulda known, your teeth are straight as a rail.”

He nodded at you while holding in a laugh.

“Do you want me to check your mouth for you? Or no.” He asked.

“Would you mind?”

“Absolutely not. Come on.” He guided you into the bedroom. He motioned his hand to your shared king sized bed. “Lay down for a second.”

“Ooo this is getting kinky.” You joked. His face looked one of amused but serious.

“No Y/N,” he laughed. “Maybe later.” He lightly teased. You gave him an agreeing nod. He was digging in the closet that was located directly in front of the bed. He was looking for some emergency dental tools that he kept in the house, for whatever reason. He finally pulled them out to reveal a long, leather looking bag. He walked back to where you were laying down on the bed. He plopped himself at the head of the bed, placing a pillow on his lap.

He lightly tapped the pillow to you, “Put your head here love.” You did as he told, your head resting against the pillow on his lap, as your face was looking up directly at his. He smiled down at you looking at him.

“You still look hot from this angle.” You told him. His cheeks went noticeably red again. He situated himself on the bed, opening the bag to reveal a few tools. A mini mirror, a pointed tool, and a flashlight was taken out of the bag. You reached up to grab his hand, looking deep into his eyes. “Please don’t hurt me.” Your voice was soft.

“I’d never.” He smiled back at you. Your face fell to one of peace. He started putting on a pair of gloves he also took out from the bag. Sebastian was the dentist you saw for the past four years, and seeing him with gloves and tools wasn’t new. The flashlight he took out somehow turned into one that could be attached around the head, making it hands free. He had the mini mirror in his hand, moving it directly towards your mouth.

“Love,” he smiled down at you. “Can you open for me?”

“Anytime, doctor.” You we’re trying to make it sexual, but he wasn’t into it.  

“Come on babe,” his mouth opened above you, “Ahhh.”

You open your mouth for him to look into. You laid there still as you felt the mirror maneuver around your mouth. His gloved fingers were holding your mouth open, as he carefully looked around. Your eyes were looking up at his beautiful blue ones, watching the concentration in them. He used a finger to feel the very back of your mouth, right behind a molar. He leaned in closer to get a better look, as his face was about an inch from yours. You wanted to kiss him so bad. He then grabbed for another tool with a slight point on it, to which he carefully poked your gums.

“Ah ow.” You barely got out as his fingers were making you unable to talk.

“Sorry sorry!” He exclaimed, removing his fingers and tools from your mouth. “You okay? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His eyes were sympathetic.

“It’s okay Seb, but I felt that poke or whatever. What is it, why does it hurt?” You questioned. Your head was still resting on his lap pillow, him still looking down at you, lovingly.

“It’s your wisdom teeth love. They’re coming in.” He replied.

“Shit. Okay. Can you take them out?” You sounded eager.

“Right now?” He sounded confused.

You laughed at him, “Yeah, right here. In this bed.” Your tone was sarcastic.

“Sure sure, let me just get started.” He caught onto the sarcasm and played along.

“I meant, can I come into your work this week or something, and can you take them out for me?” You asked sincerely.

“Of course. When did you want to come in then?” He asked.

“Uh, Friday? I don’t have anything major going on.”

“Friday works.”

“Thank you love. You’ll always be my favorite.”

“Favorite, person or dentist?” He joked.

“Mmmm both.” You laughed.

“Good.” He leaned down and pressed his soft lips to yours. You both smiled into the kiss, making you kiss each other harder. One thing lead to another, and you both ended up cuddled in your king sized bed together.

Friday morning came along, as you awoke to Sebastian taking a shower. You gazed over at the clock. 7:48 a.m.. You groaned, you hated early mornings as a lot of your work was home based, with the occasional outside work. You slept in most days, waking up around 9 or 10 each day. You loved it. Sebastian walked out of the bathroom, a towel around his lower body. He noticed you were awake as he spoke to you, “Goodmorning my love.”

You groaned at him, not waking to be awake.

“What’s wrong?” He softly asked.

“I hate mornings, you know this.”

“I’m sorry. But you gotta get moving, the appointment is at 8:30.”

You groaned again. “Right. That.” He looked at you sympathetically again, trying to be comforting. You got yourself up and ready, preparing for wisdom teeth extraction. You weren’t nervous, you knew you were in the best care of your life. You just wanted it over with so to say. Sebastian told you he was taking a day off work to do this for you, so he could take care of you after it was over. Meaning, the two of you would drive there together.

“If you would have woken me prior to your shower, maybe I’d be more willing.” You told him in the car on the way there.

“Ah yes, true. You just looked so peaceful I didn’t want to disturb your beautiful self.” You both laughed.

His office is only 20 minutes out of town, as you both made your way there shortly. He walked over to your side of the car, leading your hand out like a gentlemen. Your hands interlocked as you walked into the building together. Sebastian had a private practice, to which he only had one or two people on staff for reception, and about 4-5 hygienists who helped out with exams and procedures. He called everyone but one of his hygienists Chris off for the day. Chris hadn’t arrived yet, so it was just you and Sebastian alone in the building. He made his way towards his desk, as you took a seat on the sideline chairs. Not the actual dentist chair, it wasn’t time yet.

“Okay, let me give Chris a call and see where he’s at. Then we can get started.” Sebastian said as he pulled his iPhone from his back pocket. You watched as he softly spoke on the phone with his assistant. “He’s on his way.” You nodded, taking out your phone to pass the time. Sebastian was moving around the space in a quick like fashion, getting everything set up. You looked up when you heard a squeaking sound that came from an IV bag type thing you’d see in a hospital. Your eyebrow furrowed at it.

“Why” was all you were able to spit out.

“It’s the anesthesia. It’s going to put you under.”

“What the fuck, why” you asked again.

He laughed. “You wanna be awake, love?”

You shuddered. “Nope, guess not.” He flashed another smile your way, as he continued to set up. You remain unbothered as you continue messing around on your phone. He finished up getting everything set, as he took a seat next to you.

“Doing alright?” He asked.

“Um, yeah. I’m good.”

“It’ll be okay, I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

“I know,” you let up a smile. “I’m not worried.” He pulled you in for a hug, resting his head on yours.

“I keep forgetting the amount of space and privacy you have in here.” You we’re looking around the large office space. It consisted of one chair for the entire practice, surrounded by counters against the wall which just made the space look huge.

“Yeah, it’s nice.” He replied.

“A nice place to have sex” you muttered under your breath. Sebastian caught your comment as he lunged forward to look at you. “Dear god Y/N” he was laughing.

“Am I wrong? You can literally place me on that chair and fuck me so hard and I would not complain.”

“I mean,” he paused. “One day.” He replied slyly.

You were interrupted by a knock at the front door. Sebastian stood up and let his assistant, Chris into the building. You’d seen him before but never really met. Whenever you had appointments here, it was just Sebastian who did your cleanings and exams.

“Hey Chris thanks for coming in.” You heard behind you.

“Oh not a problem! Thank you for letting me help out today!” He was very enthusiastic. The two men made their way to the back of the building towards where you were sitting.

“Hey Chris this is my girlfriend, Y/N.” Sebastian gestured towards you as another tall, blonde man walked in.

“Y/N hey!! I’m Chris, it’s so good to meet you! I’ve heard a lot about you.” He was speaking with so much passion. You both shook hands as you greeted each other.

“Hey hi, nice to meet you.” You we’re amused at his pleasantries.

Sebastian walked over to the computer in the corner of the room, talking to Chris about dental things. You couldn’t really make out what they were saying, not like you’d understand it anyways. Their conversation ended as they both turned to look at you. Sebastian’s eyes were warm and his smile was light. “Ready, darling?”

“I suppose.” You stood up, putting your phone in your pocket. You took a seat on the dental chair, getting yourself comfortable. He always made you feel at ease here. Not like the dentist ever made you uncomfortable, but it’s not really comfortable either. You sat there patiently as Sebastian and Chris got themselves situated behind you. You must have missed the wardrobe change as the both of them appeared in front of you with long, white coats on. Sebastian looked incredibly hot like this, but you had to keep your chill as Chris was in the room. Sebastian lightly grabbed your arm, wiping down the veiny part with a sanitize wipe.

“What’s this?” You asked.

“The anesthesia enters through your bloodstream, through an IV.” Sebastian told you as he held a tiny needle in his hand. Your eyes grew cold at this.

“Right…” your tone wasn’t pleased.

“It’s just a pinch, okay?” He was smiling widely at you as he stuck it in without you even noticing. “It’s in.”

You looked down at your arm, seeing the needle in it. “My god Sebastian you are just one, fine doctor.” This made Chris laugh, and Sebastian turn red.

“In about 10 seconds I’m going to turn this on and you’re going to pass out. I’ll see you when you wake up.”

He kept talking as you slipped unconscious from the medicine. Sebastian and Chris gathered their materials for the procedure, getting to work. It only took them about an hour, until all four of your wisdom teeth were out.

You began to wake up, unaware of your surroundings. Sebastian had moved you to one of the couches in the building, trying to make it more comfortable.

“Sheb” was what you muttered out, not knowing your entire mouth was filled with gauze. Sebastian and Chris were in the operating room, as Sebastian heard you talking and rushed to you. He parked himself next to you, wrapping an arm tightly around you.

“Y/N hi,” he spoke softly.

“Where am I” you continued to speak through the gauze.

“You’re at my practice, love. You just had your wisdom teeth out. How are you feeling?” His voice was so soothing.

“Oh ma gah ‘our ‘oice” you tried so hard to talk normally.

Sebastian laughed at your comment. “What? My voice? What about it?”

“It’s so pwetty.” you replied. Yet again, he blushed red. He wasn’t all that great at taking compliments, clearly.

You noticed your talking was weird so you brought your hand to your mouth, feeling the gauze hanging out. He rushed his hand to yours, not letting you do anything. “No love you gotta keep that in. Your mouth is bleeding, this is to help stop it.” He spoke to you.

“Okay.” you replied, putting your head on his shoulder.

“You ready to go home, love? It’s just you and me today, we get to enjoy each other’s company for the rest of the day.” He was smiling. You nodded, as you tried to stand up and he helped you.

“Thank you again, Chris. I’ll see you on Monday.” Sebastian spoke to his assistant.

“Not a problem! See you Monday, take good care of her!” He joked. Sebastian laughed as he dragged you into the car, taking you back home for the day. He carried you up the stairs to your penthouse, laying you down carefully on the bed. He curled up next to you, using his strong hands to stroke your hair. You rolled on your back, your face being revealed to Sebastian. Your mouth was pretty much hanging open, as you were completely out of it. He noticed the gauze was soaked in red, knowing he had to change it. Sebastian got out of the bed to go grab more gauze from the kitchen.

“Don’t leave.” Your hands were gripping his white t-shirt.

“I’m just heading to the kitchen babe. I need to change your gauze.” He softly spoke to you.

“No.” your grip still on his shirt. He looked at you with love, flattered by the fact you didn’t want him to leave.

“Give me 10 seconds and I’ll be back. Use your fingers.” He said as he lifted your hands to your face. You began to  audibly counting to ten as Sebastian quickly ran into the kitchen and back. Returning with more gauze, he carefully opened your mouth to remove the soiled ones. With your mouth being free to speak, you said to him “kiss me.” He looked at you slightly confused. Your eyes fixated on his, as you repeated your words.

“I gotta change your gauze, love. I don’t want to hurt your mouth.”

“It’s just my lips.” You spoke again. Sebastian placed the old gauze in a plastic bag he brought with. He debated whether or not he was going to kiss his heavily under the influence of drugs girlfriend. He did want to, and you were being extremely soft right now. He gently placed his lips to yours, not trying to press too hard on your mouth. You smiled into it, widely. “Thank you.” you said to him. Your eyes slowly closed after this, you were very drowsy. Sebastian carefully opened your mouth to put in new gauze. You weren’t fighting it or anything which made it easier for him.

“Sleep now, love.” He whispered to you as you drifted off to sleep, and he parked himself directly next to you. The two of you laid there for the next several hours before waking up.

Late afternoon came around, as you groggily awoke. The bed was empty, you were sprawled out across the king sized bed. You were extremely disoriented, not sure what was going on. You looked to the clock, looked around, then looked at yourself. You were in normal clothing. “Sebastian?” It didn’t come out clearly, so you spit the gauze out on the side of the bed. You called out again, slightly worried. Nothing.

“Sebastian, are you here?” Still silence. You forced yourself out of bed, and into the kitchen. No one anywhere to be seen. If you weren’t waking up from heavy medicine you might not be as worried, but you had no idea what was going on. You planted yourself on couch, waiting to see what would happen. Seconds later the door shimmied open, to reveal Sebastian with arms full of what looked like food in plastic bags.

“Sebastian!” You cried out, running to him. You nearly toppled over him with excitement. “Y/N hi!” He replied with the same enthusiasm. You helped him put the bags he was carrying down on the island. When his hands were free, you pulled him in for a big hug. “What happened.” You asked, without tone.

You heard him laugh a little at your question. “Um, I took out your wisdom teeth.” He replied.

“Oh my god that was today? My brain hurts I can’t even think.” He kissed your head at your response.

“You did amazing babe. You’ve been sleeping for four hours now. I got your favorite,” he opened up the plastic bag in front of him. Your eyes lit up as you saw your favorite chicken noodle soup in the whole city. The place that serves it is an hour away.

“You went all the way to Brooklyn to get me soup” you were smiling and emotional. His hand reached up as he tucked a piece of your long dark hair behind your ear.

“I’d literally do anything for you.” You embraced each other yet again. “Come on love, let’s eat.” As he guided you to the table.

“Uh wait, sorry,” he stopped you. “I need to check your stitches really quick. Are you still bleeding?”

“I don’t think so?” Your voice was uncertain.

“Come here.” He walked over to pick you up, and place you in the island, throwing a bunch of things off it.

“Holy shit are you about to fuck me.” You whispered seductively.

“Y/N stop suggesting that oh my god.” He laughed. “No, babe. Lay down I need to check your stitches.”

You groaned. “Fine.” You begrudgingly laid down on the island counter. Sebastian took out his iPhone flashlight, pointing it at your mouth. “Open.” You did as he said. He checked the stitches in your mouth, using his strong hands to hold your mouth open, as you were struggling a bit.

“Okay they look good, doesn’t look like your bleeding. But after we eat you’re putting more gauze back there.” He told you.

“That’s fine.” He helped you off the counter, pulling you in for a tight hug. “My mouth hurts though, I don’t know if I can eat right now.”

“Not a problem! I picked up your pain medication too, here let me get it.” He ruffled through the bags he brought it. He retrieved you a glass of water and handed over two pills for you to swallow.

“Thank you.” You said after swallowing them down.

“Come on let’s go lay down, I’ll get you an ice pack too, that will help with the swelling.” You nodded, as you headed into the bedroom and he retrieved an ice pack.

His hands were also holding a long piece of gauze, and you frowned at it. “It’s so you aren’t swallowing blood, Y/N.”

“Okay.” You opened your mouth as he carefully placed the gauze back into the back your mouth. It tasted so bad and felt so weird, you wish you didn’t have to endure this.

You both ended up cuddled on the bed, his arms holding you close.

A couple hours passed, as the two of you napped together on and off. “How are you feeling.” He sleepily whispered to you. “Mmm.” You couldn’t speak with the gauze. He pulled it out, letting you talk. “It’s better now, thank you.” He rested his head against yours.

“I love you, Y/N.”

You rolled over to see his face. Your noses were touching as you stared into his eyes. You planted a kiss on is lips. “I love you.”

[umbrella-kun]

Turquoise

Today was a rather busy day, people were coming in out of the shop in hopes of buying a nice hot cup of tea. Especially now that winter had just arrived which meant heavy jackets and cozy mittens. People entered the shop and smiled as they felt the warmth engulf them. A wonderful feeling that reached everyone who entered the tea shop. I of course have felt it myself, but that’s due to the fact that I work here.

“Good morning, what can I get for you today?” I asked a couple who were chatting away. One of them saw me and flashed me a welcoming smile.

“Oh hello, umm I’ll have some green tea and you sweetie?” The guy asked whom I was assuming was his girlfriend.

“I’ll like a cup of hot chocolate and a chocolate chip muffin please” She replied cheerfully, I smile at her cheerfulness and write down their orders. I excuse myself and make my way to the kitchen to prepare some of the orders I had written down while the waiters and waitresses were taking other orders,

“Today is so packed again! I hate this, why can’t it be quiet like during the summer?” I hear someone say from behind me. I chuckle as I notice Saeran taking out a fresh batch of muffins out of the oven. He didn’t enjoy the tea shop being filled with people, I guess he preferred a quieter environment.

“You’re gonna have to get used to it, we just started winter” I chirped which only caused Saeran to groan in frustration. I laugh at him and make my way out of the kitchen with a couple of orders in my hands. I walk toward the the young couple who had order earlier and hand them their beverages.

“Here is your cup of green tea, a cup hot chocolate and finally your chocolate chip muffin which actually just came out of the oven.” I said

“Oooooh really? Yay thank you so much!” The girl replied before taking a sip of the drink and smiled in satisfaction. I excuse myself and walk toward the kitchen to prepare more orders. As I was about to reach the kitchen counter I notice a rather strange color, turquoise to be exact, stood out from all the people in the shop. I stop when I notice a man sitting at a table alone. He sat by the large windows that were close to the entrance of the tea shop. It had a clear view of the street and you could see the passersby walking on the sidewalk. The thing that caught my attention was the way he was looking out the window. He seemed lost and sad, I didn’t want to seem like a complete creep by staring at him so I continued my way toward the kitchen.

“Hey Yoosung? Hm quick question, do you happened to know that guy over there?” I asked, Yoosung poked his head out from behind the kitchen counter and shakes his head.

“Nope, no clue, but I’ve noticed that he does come often. Why?” Yoosung asked

“Oh, its nothing. I just noticed he seems sad. I wonder if something is bothering him” I said bringing my gaze back to the man.

“How about asking him?” Both Yoosung and I yelp when Saeyoung suddenly appears from underneath the counter.

“Saeyoung what the heck are you doing under there? You’re supposed to be working!”  I exclaimed

“I know but Jaehee wanted me to do bathroom duty and I hate it. So I hid under the counter. So about this guy you’re talking about, is it the guy over there? The one with the bluish hair?” Saeyoung points at the man and both Yoosung and I nod our heads.

“His names Jihyun Kim but close friends call him V. He’s 27 years old, He’s a freelance photographer so he travels a lot. He also likes art collecting! Has a eye condition that can cause him to go blind if not treated properly.-” I quickly cut him off

“Wait wait- how do you know all this information?” I asked surprised

“Don’t you remember MC, Saeyoung used to be a hacker for big companies.” Yoosung replied, oh yeah now that I think about it I remember Saeyoung mentioning something about that.

“Well duh. But I didn’t do any hacking on this guy. He happens to be the best friend of one of my ex bosses. He’s a really good guy, but had bad relationship break up with this girl, things ended pretty badly”  Saeyoung continued.

“Maybe that’s why he’s so gloomy” Yoosung said. I shrug my shoulders as I make my way to wash a couple of cups and continue my day as usual.

The day was finally coming to an end and we were finishing up with cleaning and preparing the menu for the following day. Once that was done, everyone said their goodbyes and headed home. I lived closed by, probably 10 to 15 minutes away but depending on my mood. It was around 8:30 pm so it was pretty dark and the cold was really affecting my energy levels. Saeyoung and Saeran had offered me a ride but I declined their offer since to be honest I didn’t really trust Saeyoung driving. He’s good I’ll admit but could be reckless if it met to scare me.

“Jeez it is freezing, maybe I should of accepted that ride home” I whined as I continued to walk. Not even my big jacket could prevent the cold freezing air to pass right through causing me to shiver.

“ I don’t think a young woman like you should be out alone this late” I hear a voice say from behind me. I quickly turn around ready to scream at the man but calm down when I notice the strange turquoise color.

“Oh god, I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to startled you. I just wanted to tell you it’s not really safe for you to be walking by yourself. I deeply apologize” He said sincerely.

“What, oh it’s ok. It’s just you really did scared me, you almost gave me a heart attack.I thought I was about to be kidnapped” I  finally said, he chuckles at my reaction and smiles

“Don’t worry I’m not going to kidnap you. Hahaha My name is Jihyun by the way, but people call me V” V said before extended his hand out

“MC, nice to meet you V” I take his hand and shake it but stay still, I was trying to process everything that was happening.

“Is it ok if I walk you home, I completely understand if you don’t want to, but to be honest it doesn’t seem safe. V said

“Yeah sure, I don’t see why not” I said softly. We didn’t talk much but I didn’t find it uncomfortable, for some reason he had a calming type of aura.

“You work at the tea shop don’t you?” V suddenly ask

“Yeah how did you know?”

“Well I was there earlier today and don’t want to seem like some of creep but I notice that you were looking at me” V chuckled lightly and my cheeks heated up. Oh god this is extremely embarrassing, he noticed me staring at him!? I bury my face into my scarf thinking that this would probably ease my embarrassment but it was no use.

“Sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable. Please allow me to hide in a pit of shame” I responded and V immediately started shaking his head

“Oh no no no, it’s ok! No need to hide, hahaha” V laughed and couldn’t help but blush. What was up with this guy? He didn’t find it creepy that Yoosung, Saeyoung and I were staring at him at the tea shop? Wait a minute he only mentioned me, but why not the others? Maybe he didn’t noticed them perhaps.

“It’s just you have a really nice hair color, I’ve never seen someone with the same color as yours. So you stood out from everyone else in the shop. It’s unique.” I finally said as we continued to walk. I could swear that I saw him blush but it could of been my imagination.

“You think so, thank you. I never thought much about my hair color” V replied while running his hand through his hair. I didn’t really want to bring up the real reason as to why I was staring at him which was his lost expression. At the tea shop he seem depressed but right now he was a completely different person. Off the bat he was a sweet and kind hearted guy maybe even a gentlemen at most. But I soon remember Saeyoung mention something about V,  a past relationship which ended badly.

“Well it suits you nicely, so don’t change it” I said. He didn’t say anything but smile. For the rest of the walk we didn’t exchange words instead we enjoyed the silence. Once we arrived to my place, I held my hand out in front of V.

“Thank you for walking me here, it wasn’t necessary but I really appreciate it” I said politely, V smiles again and shakes my hand, My cheeks heat up at his touch and I swear I saw a tint of blush on his cheeks but again that could of been my imagination. He wasn’t wearing any mittens yet his hands were warm. He released his hold and I wave goodbye before walking into my house.

V  

“Sir you can’t walk out of the car like that” My driver informed me

“I know, I know. But you really expect me to let a young lady walk home alone in the dark?” I said as I walk back to the car.

“Of course not” My driver said before opening the car door.

I sit silently as we continued our way back to my father’s home. He had a dinner arranged for our family. I didn’t have the motivation to go but it would seem rude if I didn’t attend.

“If you don’t mind me asking sir, but who was this young lady you were talking to?” The driver asked. I smile at the thought of MC, to be honest I didn’t expect to actually talk to her. But when I was at the tea shop I notice her looking at me. At first I didn’t think much about it, well that was until before I left the shop, Saeyoung stopped me to explain about how MC seem concerned about how I looked sad about something. At first I was embarrassed but as well felt bad that I had worried her.

“It’s just someone I met at the tea shop” I replied simply.

“Oh I see, will you be seeing her again anytime soon?” He asked

I wonder...will I see her again? Probably at the tea shop but I knew clearly what the driver was trying to ask. I bring my gaze toward the window as we drive pass by MC’s house and smiled.

“I hope so”

This is for @jihyunscompass I hope you enjoyed it \(^w^)/

[bored-fan-bs-thoughts]

T.J. and Cyrus at Bexie Wedding

Here is the fic based on this post!

After his very confusing pseudo-date at The Spoon with T.J., Cyrus ends himself in front of Cloud10. He doesn’t know why he thinks that Bex will be a helpful person to talk to in this moment, but he can’t stop himself from opening the door. A little chime announces his arrival, and Bex looks up from her mindless organizing to smile at the boy.

“Are you busy?” Cyrus asks quietly.

“Not at all,” Bex replies rather desperate for a distraction from the bland nothingness in her salon, “It’s been a very slow day.”

Cyrus forces a smile, steps fully into the salon, and looks expectantly at his best friend’s mother.

“Is everything okay, bud?” Bex questions, noticing the apprehension on the boy’s face.

“I don’t know,” Cyrus answers, “I’m…confused.”

At this, Bex pulls out a chair and gestures for Cyrus to sit on the couch. After the boy gets settled, he takes a deep breath and braces himself for the conversation he’s about to have.

“What’s going on?” Bex asks, prompting him to speak again. Her voice is now riddled with concern.

“I have this crush on a b—person,” Cyrus begins, chickening out. “And they are really nice. And I just went to The Spoon with them in a ‘hang out’ where they insisted on paying for me. And then they offered to walk me home, but I kind of flipped out and ran away. And I feel bad, but at the same time I’m kind of scared to talk to—this person.”

“What’s his name?” Bex asks, seemingly completely unfazed by Cyrus’s sexuality.

Cyrus chokes. “Why do you assume it’s a guy?” he questions defensively.

“If they were a girl, you’d be saying she, Cyrus,” Bex states evenly, “I’m not dumb, and it’s okay. You don’t have to be scared.”

“They could be non-binary,” Cyrus points out somewhat half-heartedly. He’s too far in to back out at this point, and he knows Bex is cool with it yet he can’t stop himself from fighting it.

“That is true,” Bex agrees, “But…something tells me that’s not the case.”

Cyrus inhales sharply and says, “His name is T.J.”

“Basketball Captain T.J.?” Bex questions, “Isn’t he a jerk?”

“Not anymore,” Cyrus defends, “He’s always been really sweet to me and he’s supported me and helped push me out of my comfort zone. He also worked really hard to be on good terms with Buffy because I told him that she wanted to give me an ultimatum.”

“Sounds like he’s really taken with you,” Bex observes, her eyes wide with surprise at Cyrus’s rambling. Then, placing a hand on Cyrus’s she says, “I really think you should talk to him about it. Ask for clarification.”

Cyrus swallows hard, and Bex smiles encouragingly at him. “Cyrus, if he’s really your friend and he doesn’t feel the same way, he’ll 

“And if it goes well, maybe you’ll have a plus one for my wedding,” Bex suggests smirking.

Cyrus smiles and nods. As he stands up, he wraps his arms around Bex. “Thank you,” he says.

“Anytime kid,” Bex responds. “He’s gotta be special to be worthy of your affections.”

—————

Buffy notices him from afar. The boy who used to terrorize her is now at her best friend’s mom’s wedding. Andi walks up to her as she’s trying to put the pieces together.

“What’s wrong?” Andi asks, breaking Buffy from her thoughts. In response, Buffy simply gestures to T.J. Kippen who is on the side of the dance floor talking to Bowie.

“I thought you were cool with him now,” Andi responds with a bit of worry.

“We’re cool, but I’m confused as to why he’s here,” Buffy clarifies, “Did you invite him?”

“Nope, Cyrus did,” Andi informs her, “As his plus one.”

This confuses Buffy even more. Why would Cyrus invite T.J. to a wedding? Buffy has known about T.J.’s glaringly obvious crush on Cyrus since he went out of his way to be on good terms with her. She suspected Cyrus felt the same way, but she was never quite sure. Just then, she sees her other best friend approaching.

“Hey,” Cyrus says nervously. He knows his friends aren’t total morons, and neither he nor T.J. has been subtle about their feelings. “So please don’t hate me, but I have something to tell you guys…T.J. and I are sorta kinda a thing.”

“What do you mean by sorta kinda?” Buffy asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, we kissed. And held hands,” Cyrus clarifies, “And I may have asked him to be my boyfriend.”

“Cyrus, that’s amazing!” Andi squeals in support.

“He’s still not my favorite person,” Buffy says, “But I’m really proud of you.”

Cyrus breathes a sigh of relief as he’s enveloped in a group hug by his two best friends.

“You should maybe go steal him away before my dad bores him to death,” Andi says.

“I’m sure he’s doing fine. I think they have similar taste in music,” Cyrus assures her, “But I do want to dance with him.”

When Cyrus breaks away from his friends, he immediately finds T.J. and leads him to the dance floor. Naturally, Bex and Bowie have selected a collection of classic rock and 80s songs to underscore their wedding reception. Cyrus vaguely recognizes some of the songs, but T.J. seems to know all the words as he dances and wildly shouts at the top of his lungs. He earns a few strange looks from some of the elders at the party, and Cyrus begins to grow self-conscious.

“Stop,” Cyrus giggles, “I will literally break up with you.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” T.J. says sternly before breaking into a wide grin. The athlete is panting and drenched in sweat from his wild dancing, but he’s still energetically cracking jokes. “I am parched. I’m gonna go get some water. Want anything cutie?”

Cyrus shakes his head feeling his cheeks heat up, and T.J. walks away after blowing a kiss in Cyrus’s direction.

“Cyrus, my man,” Bowie says, clapping a hand on his back. Cyrus flinches before turning around to see Andi’s newly married parents smiling down at him.

“Hey,” Cyrus exclaims, “Congratulations guys!”

“Thank you. We’re glad you’re here,” Bex tells him.

 “So…are you having fun with this T.J. guy?” Bowie asks with a smirk on his face.

“Um, yeah,” Cyrus manages.

“He seems like a great kid,” Bex assures him, “I’m so proud of you!”

Bowie nods enthusiastically as Cyrus relaxes a bit.

—————

“Hey, Kippen,” Buffy shouts over the loud music as T.J. downs a plastic cup full of water. T.J. nods towards her in acknowledgment. “So…you and Cyrus?”

“Yeah, me and Cyrus,” T.J. responds bashfully, “I know I’m not your favorite person, but—”

“I’m not here to reprimand you,” Buffy cuts him off, “Well, actually I am his best friend so that’s my legal obligation. If you so much as harm a hair on his head, you’re dead to me.”

“I’m not going to hurt him,” T.J. replies honestly, “I promise.”

Buffy smiles at his sincerity and says, “He really likes you.”

T.J. blushes at this and smiles, “I really like him too.”

“All right everyone,” the DJ interrupts, “Grab that special someone and get on the dance floor! It’s time to slow it down.”

T.J. looks to Buffy expectantly.

“Go get your man, basketball boy,” she says encouragingly.

“Thank you,” T.J. smiles before walking away towards Cyrus. Buffy watches with elation as Cyrus wraps his arms around T.J.’s neck and T.J.’s hands find their place on Cyrus’s waist. Their foreheads rest against each other as they sway to the music. T.J. is whispering what appears to be the words to the romantic song as Cyrus blushes. Buffy is really happy for them, and she barely recognizes T.J. in his new lovestruck state.

[ezilyamuzed]

There’s no place like home- part 12

Summary: The reader has had a unique gift all her life. While considering it a curse, she discovers the identity of her real father after her mothers passing. Journeying towards her new life, she finds herself thrown within the Winchester’s world. Is it her destiny?

Setting: End of season 13. This takes place after episode 13.18. Flashbacks are italicized.

Warnings: Language. Some angst, fluff, drama- a typically SPN episode.  POV may switch after certain sections.

A/N: Big reveal within this part of the story that has been long awaited. The story continues on as the reader discovers what home really means. Sorry it has taken so long. I wish I could give this the attention it deserves , but life happens. 

Any grammatical mistakes are all my own, because I am human. Remember all comments and feedback are welcomed! If you want a tag in future posts regarding this series or other writings please send an ask! As always thank you for reading! Enjoy!  

*Y/M/N= your mom’s name

Series Masterlist

Laying your head on the simple cloth covered pillow, you knew sleep would not come easily. Dipping your face further into the cotton, that familiar smell ignited your senses. Dean. Like a memory from a dream, the familiar scent that was all him only made your heart beat faster as you breathed it in. The ache you felt inside only grew stronger as the thoughts of the unknown plagued your mind. In just a month, you had quickly found the world you had thought you had known, was intertwined with theirs. Surely nothing good would come of this. With every new twist and turn, the nightmare you had kept a secret was now growing stronger. You were a monster. 

Reaching towards the old photographs that laid on the nightstand next to you, you allowed your eyes to document them deep into your memory. The smiling face of Dean with his mother’s arms wrapped around him provided a little relief that at least within the Winchester’s world there was love to be found. Moving to the other photo, the one of your father standing proudly with the two boys that have changed your world, you felt a tiny drop of a tear falling down your face. This was a family, one that you would never know. 

The small tears continued to fall from your eyes while the thoughts of what might have been came to your mind. Their lives were far from simple or perfect. It was definitely not like the Home and Gardens lifestyle that you had grown up in, but it was theirs. The simplicity of surviving and striving for the good of all mankind was the life you had often admired from your encounters with other hunters. They did not care about the Gucci bags, pushing your way forward in a prestigious career, or having the perfectly maintained white picket fenced house. They just wanted to protect their loved ones, while saving others in the process. 

Letting out a deep breath you sat yourself up, wiping the wetness from your face. Dean’s room was like a living museum of his life. The weapons hanging on the wall all primed to use at a moments notice, told you that he often never allowed himself to rest. That was definitely something that you had in common. Nights where you obtained more than 6 hours were a strange luxury that most likely meant that you had been drugged or knocked unconscious. The meticulously alphabetically organized albums in the milk crate made you smile, that like you he desired for their to be some sort of order in his life. The few casual and dress shirts amongst a couple of suits told the story of his adventures. There was a little blood stain on one of the sleeves, perhaps his own and old dirt markings on the cuffs of his pants. Although there was no designer labels along any of them, they all represented the care that he took in himself, and the pride he had in his appearance. Most often hunter’s looked like grungy, tired old men who had recently woke up in the middle of the woods, so there was appreciation that he took the time to take care of himself in the midst of it all.

You moved around the room, not finding sleep but intrigue in who Dean Winchester really was. Opening a wooden box on his dresser you let out a laugh at the Busty Asian Beauties magazines also neatly organized. For porn magazines, they were actually very well maintained and not worn out along the pages. He was actually gentle with them, definitely not how you were with him a few nights ago back in Sioux Falls. The memory of that night sent a shudder throughout your body, almost like your nerves were screaming to do it again. It couldn’t happen again, you had already decided. With everything going on, it was not just about the two of you anymore, there was something more goin on around you that you could not and would not allow a silly crush to interfere with.

Giving up on the thought of sleep you made your way out the door to the long hall. Glancing down both ends to your sides you wondered which way you should go. You closed your eyes tightly, listening for the sounds of the residents and their pet angel. Hearing muffled sounds coming from the area that you had first arrived at, of what you assumed to be the library, you followed as they continued. You had almost made your way into the room to be seen when you heard Castiel talking a little louder, specifically about you. You kept your back against the door frame as you heard them continue, awaiting for when you should enter.

“We do not have time dealing with some girls family drama,” Castiel spoke with command in his voice.

“Cas, it’s not like we have any other leads right now,” Dean interjected. “We will find a way to get Gabriel to help and we will bring Jack and mom back. We are stuck now, so we just have to keep moving. It’s not like there is some way to just magically fix all of this crap.”

“Locating the grace of an archangel should be your only concern,” Castiel growled before you could hear the sigh in his voice. “Dean, I understand that you have feelings for this...girl, but we do not know what she is.”

“What do you mean? What she is?” Dean exclaimed.

“She is not like anything I have ever encountered before,” Castiel stated calmly. “I do not know if she poses as a threat to our current predicament. Perhaps she has only arrived here now as a part of a grand scheme from one of your enemies. You must be careful.”

“Look Cas, I was with Dean when we met her,” Sam spoke up. “I believe everything that she has told us so far. I mean, yeah it's weird that she is connected to us in so many ways, but if you could only see the sincerity in her eyes, the anger in her voice… Cas, she I think she genuinely just wants our help.”

“And what about finding Gabriel?”

“Well, actually it seems that Y/N, has had some history with him,” Sam answered. “Outside, I happened to mention him, but she didn’t really say much about him before Dean came out.”

“You believe that she is able to contact him and bring him back?” Castiel inquired in perplexment.

The question moved you from your hiding spot, to met the wide eyes of the Winchesters, gulping hard in anxiety about what you had possibly heard.

“Calling Gabriel doesn’t work, he never answers,” you said while moving to sit on the edge of the wooden desk. “At least he hasn’t for a very long time.”

“How do you know of the archangel Gabriel?” Castiel demanded, staring at you intently for the answer.

“Well that is a long story,” you replied while shifting your eyes to the brothers settling themselves down to listen to your story. “When I was a little girl he came to me. It was around the time when I really started questioning things around myself...what I was seeing. He is the one who taught me what everything was and also what to do to with it.”

“You see him over there?” Gabriel stated while pointing towards a man with a greenish tinted light. “He’s a ghoul. They take on the form whatever human they last consumed.”

“So how do I kill it?” your twelve year old self inquired, while standing a little taller.

He smiled at your enthusiasm and shook his head. “Take off the head and you take out the monster.”

“Well what are we waiting for?”

“Hold on there little warrior,” he laughed while grabbing your arm. “You can’t just go around chopping off people's heads all willy-nilly”

“He’s not a person, you just said so yourself,” you bickered in response.

“Not everything that looks like a monster is one, and not everything that looks like a regular Joe Shmoo should be trusted. It was all in the big guy’s plan. You know the whole idea of free will? Everything has it, it was what you choose to do with it that makes you a monster.”

“So Gabriel was your Yoda?” Dean asked with a smirk.

“Basically. He would show up every once in awhile without really any reasoning behind his visits but to give me another lesson into the world of the supernatural.”

“When was the last time you saw him?” Sam spoke up.

“Like, maybe 11 years ago I think?” you replied while trying to remember back to that time. “He was really off, definitely not the same that he had been.”

“You have been busy lately,” you heard the familiar voice say from behind you. Turning your head to see the grinning angel, you wiped the dirt from the fresh grave you had just dug off on your shirt.

“It’s not like these demons are going to stop anytime soon. Seems to be more and more of them lately.”

“Yeah, someone left the door open a little too long,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “So how are you doing kid?”

“Hanging in there I guess,” you rolled your eyes. “It’s been awhile since you have graced me with your presence, so what is up now?”

“Things are getting a little noisey from the family, something big is going to go down soon between the bags of dicks I call brothers.”

“Michael and Lucifer?” you asked with your voice a little more raised. “I thought he was in a cage?”

“He is, for now,” Gabriel replied while moving towards you.

“What do you mean? For now? Gabe, if Lucifer gets out someone has to stop him,” you exclaimed in panic. “We have to do something.”

“We will not being doing anything,” he said while pointing back and forth between the two of you. “Take my advice and go run away to Cabo and enjoy the beaches, better yet find a nuclear bomb shelter and hide there forever. When it’s all done, the world is not going to be as fluffy with rainbows and sparkles as it is now.”

“What the hell is your problem?” You fumed. “You are telling me that basically the apocalypse is going to happen and you want me to go run away? No I won’t listen to it.”

“You have no idea what my brothers are capable of,” he retorted giving you a hardened look.

“Do you have any idea what YOU are capable of?” You shot back. “You are an archangel that I have seen do some incredible things like nothing else. Why can’t you see what I see.”

He stared at you deadpanned, no change of light or emotion to be found.

“I think the lessons have now ended Y/N,” he replied in a monotone voice.

“Gabriel,” you sighed heavily. “Look I know family sucks, but you can’t just roll over and let this happen.”

“Goodbye Y/N,” he said with a snap of his fingers, never to be seen again.

“That was the last time I saw him,” you sighed while moving a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “I’ve tried calling him. Praying when things really got bad. Like when all the Angels fell years ago. I didn’t know…”

“He was not amongst them. Actually, he has been held captive by a Prince of Hell for quite some time,” Castiel informed you. You nodded your head to him, to show you understood.

“Yeah, well I’m sure whatever happened to him he deserved it,” You pursed your lips up. “Things just kept getting worse around here, and he just left without a care.”

“You said he used to answer you?” Sam asked with suspicion. “Why did he do that?”

“I really don’t know,” you shrugged. “I mean he had told me that I was something special, that there was no one like me. I guess for whatever reason I interested him.”

“Would…” Dean spoke up nervously, bringing your attention to him. “I mean, would you or do you think you could try again?”

“Make a phone call to save the world from impending doom? Sure, but I wouldn’t put all my nickels on it,” you nodded. “Like I said he didn’t care back then, so I doubt he will give a damn now.”

“Tell him it’s of grave importance,” Castiel chimed in. You have the angel a side glance before shutting them in prayer.

“Gabriel. It’s Y/N, we need to talk. There is a lot of shit going down right now, that only you can help with. I need you. Please Gabriel. Let me know you are at least listening.”

You fluttered you eyes open and looked around the room, hoping that your words might have been heard by him. Everything remained the same in its place, bringing a sigh of disappointment from all the occupants in the room.

“Try it again!” Castiel bellowed making your face turn to anger towards him.

“Cas, dude,” Dean interjected whole shaking his head. “He’s not listening to any of us. We will figure this out.”

Castiel stormed out of the room glaring at your direction. You kept your position, keeping your eyes back on him as he moved out. The sound of the chair next to you legs moving on the floor, turned your attention to Sam moving up from his seat.

“Okay, so we still have things we can be doing,” he said while leaning himself onto the table using his hands for balance. “I’m going to go grab some boxes.”

“This is a mistake,” you shook your head, making him stop in his tracks. “You two have more important things to do right now. Besides that, your little boyfriend doesn’t seem to like me or want me here.”

“Cas just has a lot going on right now,” Dean spoke up, looking to the empty doorway. “We will figure it out. We will figure this all out. Together. You’re family now Doc.”

The next 27 hours the three of you worked through every file in the ancient cardboard boxes. Going through the last entries of dead men who might have had a reasoning to who or what you were was exhausting. Dean would slip away only for a couple moments to provide fuel for your brains in the form of the best tasting hamburgers and coffee that you had ever had.

“You can cook?”

“I’m not just a pretty face,” he winked back before stuffing his face with the product of his labor.

You would laugh back at his little jokes while you continued in your search for answers. It seemed like you were on the quest for an item that didn’t exist. The truth. Castiel had made his way back after a few hours, and while he sat in silence going through his own pile, you would catch him staring at you out of the corner of his eyes.

“You know you would read faster if your eyes were on the pages Asstiel,” you blatantly would state.

A little chuckle would come from Sam and Dean to your comments towards the angel who was trying to find the answers on your face. He would mumble out an apology before going back to the files.

Tiredness was overcoming you when you felt like you had hit a dead end in your search. You tossed the folder down to you and laid your head into your arms on the table while closing your eyes.

“Why don’t you get some sleep?” Sam suggested. “We can keep going.”

“Sleep is for the weak,” you replied without moving your head up to him. “I’ll sleep long enough when I’m dead.”

“That will be sooner than later if you don’t stop beating yourself up,” Dean suggested, which made you raise your head slightly to glare at him. “Why don’t we all take a little break to recharge ourselves? Get back to it in a few hours?”

You let out a deep sigh and nodded. You didn’t want to stop, but you knew he was right. The words on the pages were starting to jumble and you were pretty sure that you had been reading the same sentence for the last hour.

Sitting up straight you stretched your arms above your head. A whiff of your lack of showering hit your nose, turning it up in disgust.

“Maybe a shower too,” you replied. “I think I smell worse than a fresh corpse right now.”

“You aren’t that bad,” Dean laughed while moving over to you as you stood up.

He placed his hand on the small of your back guiding you out of the room before turning up is nose in jest. “Never mind, I guess YOU ARE that BAD,” he grinned widely making you smack him playfully on his stomach. “Let’s get you to the shower stinky.”

_________________________________________________________

Watching the two of you leave Castiel glanced over at Sam in amusement.

“It is nice to see Dean smile for once. Perhaps I was wrong about Y/N.”

Sam let out a breath of laughter. “Yeah Cas, for whatever reason I think this is the happiest I’ve seen him in years.”

“They have a strong connection,” Castiel stated. “It is not witchcraft or anything like that, but you can see it. No, it is almost kismet.”

Sam back in his chair thinking about the words that Castiel had just said. Kismet? Yeah, probably. What other reason could there be that they were just fit together so well? Maybe she was the salvation that Dean had been looking for. A reason to finally care about living, maybe giving him the proof that he was more than just a nobody in the world. Just maybe, she would be the one to save him.

_______________________________________________________

Dean led you to the shower room and handing you a towel as you entered. It reminded you of the locker rooms in high school that your teenaged insecure self used to dread.

“There is soap, shampoo, and conditioner,” Dean stated while pointing at the little shower caddy on the floor. “Basic stuff you need. Nothing too fancy.”

“Not very private,” you laughed. “I guess the men of letters were a very open group.”

Dean chuckled lightly in return. “Yeah, well don’t worry Doc. I’ll keep watch outside for you so nobody bothers you.”

You turned your face to his, only inches away where you could feel his hot breath hitting your face. Your heart started to beat a little faster as you flashed a smile while saying thank you while moving further into the room.

True to his word Dean left you to be alone while you showered. The hot water running down you felt nice over your aching joints from sitting for so long. Each bottle you opened gave you the distinct scent of Dean, which you happily applied and lathered up to clean yourself.

After throwing on a loose fitting t-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts you made your way out of the room where Dean stood patiently. Your wet y/h/c hair laid unkempt down your head, leaving the top of your shirt soaked. He cleared his throat a little loudly before escorting you back to his room.

“Here you take my room, I’ll go take the one next door,” he said before turning to walk back out the door.

“Dean?” You said making him stop and turn in his tracks. “I feel bad kicking you out of your own bed. I mean it is big enough for both of us to sleep for a while.”

“Are you sure about that?” He asked with hesitation. “I mean, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I think we are past the point now where sharing a bed is considered uncomfortable. I mean, we did sleep with each other,” you smirked slowly from the corner of your mouth.

“Yeah, well if I remember correctly there was not much sleeping involved,” he grinned back.

“Yeah well, that was then. Now? Now I want to pass out and say screw consciousness.”

“You read my mind Doc,” he smiled while moving over to the side of the bed opposite of you.

The two of you climbed in, both with your backs toward one another as he shut off the light that was illuminating the room. It didn’t take you long to drift off to sleep where the nightmares had begun.

There was a woman crying on a cool metal table in excruciating pain. Light was shining down at her, distorting your vision as men were surrounding her in old fashioned doctor gowns speaking incoherently. Another woman reached out and grabbed her hand, telling her it will be alright. Her long neatly curled red hair surrounded her porcelain skin as she smiled gently at the tormented woman. You heard the sound of a baby crying as the screams grew louder from her. The comforting red haired woman looked down at the other woman when her blue eyes turned black.

Jumping straight up in the bed out of your sleep you could feel the sweat pouring down you skin. Your heart beating uncontrollably with your breath trying to catch itself in your heaving chest.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Dean asked while staring at you frightened from your startled awakening.

“I don’t... I don’t know. It was a dream,” you rasped out. “There was a woman crying in pain with men all around her. She was giving birth and a demon… a demon was right there with her. Dean it was so real.”

You dropped your head into you hands as you could feel the pain of the woman succumbing you, causing tears to once again fall. Dean wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to his chest. He ran his fingers through your damp hair, whispering that it was only a dream.

“Dean, it wasn’t just a dream,” you cried. “I think… I think it has something to do with this place. With me.”

“Come on,” he said while letting go of you and standing himself  up. “Let’s go see if the others have any ideas.”

________________________________________________________

Sam tried to push himself further into the files, but he had managed to succumb to sleep where he sat. It must have been a few hours when Castiel nudged him to go and sleep properly in a bed, which his aching back could only agree with. He stretched in his seat, considering moving from the task in front of him when he looked down at the file he had drooled a little on.

Dean and Y/N both walked through the archway together, looking still sleep deprived, but yet more alert as he read the words in front of him.

“So check this,” he stated loudly to bring the attention to him.

Y/N gave Dean a confused sideways glance as he just shrugged and said “it’s his thing. Just go with it.”

“Have you found something Sam?” Castiel asked while furrowing his eyes to the pages above Sam’s shoulder.

“November 5, 1955. The twins were born today. Both relatively healthy under the guidance of Cuthbert Sinclair, Henry Winchester and Josie Sands. The mother survived, although there were complications during the childbirth process. The first born, Abigail was strong and even at birth displayed such remarkable progress in her development. The second born, y/m/n was not has promising. During the delivery it was skeptical of her survival, proving that she was not as strong as her sister. Abigail’s future is promising toward the Men of Letters ultimate goal of creating the perfect specimen of defense against the darkness in the world.”

________________________________________________________

As Sam finished you felt his eyes land towards you, along with the others. Sister? Twin sister? No that couldn’t be. She never said anything about her. Why wouldn’t she of told you?

“Y/N, y/m/n was your mom’s name right? She was born in 1955,” Sam spoke up with sympathy in his voice.

“I...I didn’t know she had a sister,” you stammered out as you felt all the emotions hitting you like a baseball bat.

“Josie Sands,” Dean chimed in. “Why does that name sound familiar?”

“It is the name of Abaddon's vessel during her time amongst the Men of Letters.” Castiel stated while keeping his gaze toward you. “Your mother and her sister were created using dark magic for the purpose of becoming weapons against the evil.”

“My Mom never had any powers or special abilities,” you replied tearfully . “She was just a normal mom. A boring history professor who died of a normal, non magical disease like anyone else.”

“It is in your blood,” Castiel confirmed. “Your mother may have not been afflicted, but you, her daughter was born with the burden they had ignorantly placed upon your family.”

His words stabbed deep into your gut where you could feel the bile coming up your throat. The words from the demon days earlier whispering in your head, “Man-made monster.” It was all true. You were the genetic byproduct of a science experiment produced by a Knight of Hell and a bunch of men who knew nothing of what they were doing. The truth you had hoped and prayed that was not real was sitting there on the table. You really were a monster.

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Tags: @jaylarkson @waywardbaby @snffbeebee@iamabeautifulperson18 @19agbrown @midnightsilver @wildefire@hobby27 @sonotalice @drakelover78

[cielpurrple]

Make Me 19.6

Pairing/s: Jimin x Reader x Got7 Jaebum

Word count: : 9602

Warnings: cursing

Wonho exerted a great amount of effort supressing the wide smile that’s trying to form from his lips while he sent your picture to Jaebum, who flooded him with messages trying to ask how did he managed to have a date with you.

He just left the messages to ‘read’ status so that Jaebum would feel frustrated.

Then he felt his phone vibrates, knowing it’s from the said person so he excused himself and walked a few steps away from you. He suddenly closed his eyes upon hearing Jaebum’s raised voice.

[HOW COME YOU’RE NOT ANSWERING MY MESSAGES?] he sounded like a frustrated girlfriend.

“She’s with me, and I’m touring her. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know later I just have to bring her back home,” he said.

[I’m already heading there, see you in my office.]

The call ended and he returned to you with a plan on taking you home.

Before he return to the resort, he took his time strolling around town and when he came back, and went straight to the hotel’s administration office—specifically Jaebum’s office, he assumes Jaebum’s mad because of his dark expression if he hadn’t known the man for years.

He began to explain the events that lead you and him into having  a “lunch meeting”.

“Me and some of the guests tested the ATVs early this morning, I thought I bumped into her but turns out her dog got scared of the ATV so it ran away and she was chasing it,”

He looked at Jaebum, his expression didn’t change.

“Since it’s my fault her dog got scared, I helped her to look for it and when I did I still didn’t feel good so I offered her a tour,” he continued.

“I took a photo of her to let you know that I’m with her, that’s all.”

Jaebum drank the contents of his glass straight, making his expression change.

“If that’s all there is to it, then so be it,” he replied, refilling his glass with the same liquid he just drank.

“By the way, Jimin’s gonna be CEO-in-training anytime soon,” Wonho spoke again, hoping to dismiss the previous subject.

Jaebum turned to his direction, with a slight smile on his lips.

“Took him too long to do what he’s supposed to be doing a long, long time ago.” He commented.

Wonho remained silent.

“I guess we’ll see more of him soon,” he replied and he handed a glass of whatever he’s drinking to Wonho.

***

The last few days of your vacation ended in a snap. Your parents were obviously doing their best to help you forget about Jimin by talking to you or going out more often.

You also managed to find two routes going to school fast.

You’re now on your first class as a senior student and you’ve never felt as excited as ever, despite the load of major subjects this first term.

Still, you don’t mind whether you’ll have a new set of friends this year or not, you’re more focused in accomplishing what you must do in order to graduate next year.

This time, your professor arrives pretty early so your focus is on her now.

She began introducing herself and the subject which is related to research.

You started jotting down notes on the newly distributed syllabus and you quickly skimmed through each page, landing on the targeted outcome, which is the said thesis.

You took down notes, and when the bell rings, she ended the first day with the task of thinking of a title of your research in  which made you go to the library to find some ideas.

You’re on the research section when someone casted a shadow from behind.

“You know, Taehyung’s sulking at you.” A familiar voice made you turn around.

It’s Jungkook, who’s hair’s still with a hint of brown, and quite longer.

“Jin misses you, and you won’t believe it, even Yoongi too,” he continued, his eyes on you.

You felt guilty because they’ve been sending you messages asking how you are, and for Taehyung, most of the time he’s sending you pictures of the sceneries, foods, that you know he’s sharing with Jimin, he just doesn’t want you to know directly.

You don’t know what to say to him so, you just stood there, and you chose to look at the carpeted floor instead of his eyes this time.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook, I know you know I also need some time alone,” you replied.

He sighed and he walked closer to you. You clutched the book that you randomly pulled from the shelf when you felt his arms slowly caged you into a warm embrace.

“We know, but you know you don’t have to be alone in this, right?” he whispered.

You promised yourself you wouldn���t cry anymore because of Jimin but it’s easier said than done when right now, on your first day of class, your lung’s starts to tighten and tears began to fill your eyes.

“We miss you, talk to us and visit LATE, please?” he whispered.

“Will he be there?” you asked, still your face buried on his chest.

“No, I don’t think so, he’s busy these days,” he replied.

You stayed like that for a little bit and when you recovered, he slowly let you go and followed you on your table.

He started helping you in your task which made your search faster and you ended having several titles for your research now.

“Thanks Kook,” you gave him a smile as you two walked outside the library.

“Anytime. Didn’t we promised we’ll help each other ‘til we graduate?” he replied.

“Yeah,” you answered.

“You’re free right? Let’s go to LATE.” He offered.

“Sure,” you accepted.

The familiar feeling of being with someone you’re comfortable with came crashing to you as he pulled your hand gently, making you feel somewhat happy and sad at the same time.

You playfully chased each other until you reached the cafe.

You’re glad you can hear the sound of the bell by the door once again.

When Jin turned around to welcome you both, his face lights up when he looked at you, instantly dropping whatever he’s doing at the moment.

“Y/N! I’m so glad to see you,” he said and he gave you a tight hug.

“Hi,” you replied.

“The usual?” he asked, releasing you from his arms.

You nod.

He excused himself to make your orders while you and Jungkook waited for it. He’s typing furiously on his phone, as if he’s having a debate with someone.

Your head starts to imagine that, what if Jimin suddenly came out of nowhere, what would you do, how would you act?

Another worse case scenario popped into your head, making your chest hurt.

What if he came and he completely ignores you?

You closed your eyes and shook the thought off.

You noticed that the other customers left the place in groups, which made you and Jungkook the only ones inside that’s considered as customers.

“What’s going on, everybody left.” You whispered to Jungkook.

One of the staff even changed the sign from ‘open’ to ‘closed’.

Someone approached you, placing food on your table and you noticed there’s pasta included but you didn’t ordered it so when you looked at the server, you were quite surprised.

It’s Taehyung who’s hair turned into a lightest shade of brown, with a hint of gray? You’re not sure.

He sat down after returning the tray to it’s proper place, his expression’s unreadable but you’re sure it’s more on the negative side.

He sat across you, and you don’t know what to do or to say, so you looked at your plate instead.

You stayed like that for a few moments and when you heard him sigh, you quickly looked at him.

“How are you?” he asked, and you think he’s forcing himself to talk to you because by the looks of it, he’s still sulking.

“Honestly I’m trying to be fine,” you replied.

“You know that we’re here for you, right? You’re aware that we’re just here in case you need us, right?” now, you really felt like he’s not sulking anymore but he’s mad.

Now, it’s your turn to sigh, true, you felt guilty that you didn’t respond to any of them but  in your point of view, it’s the best way for you to move on, to be alone at some point.

“I think I have to be alone because I wanted to move on, Tae.” You replied to him.

“Yeah, I understand, we all do but why do you have to shut us out all? Do you think since you and Jimin have broken up means our friendship’s over? We’re not like that, Y/N. To be honest we’re more concerned about you than he is.” Taehyung argued.

His words and the mention of Jimin’s name is like some kind of poison that thaws your heart.

“Everybody here missed you a lot, especially Yoongi hyung, I think,” he continued.

“I’m sorry, I admit at some point I thought that our connection’s cut off when I decide to break up with him,” you replied.

Jungkook suddenly stood up, and looked at the two of you.

“I’ll leave you two to talk, I almost forgot I have class in 15. See you later, Y/N.”  

You noded, and Jungkook left.

Silence fills the coffee shop as you two remained silent for who knows how long, occasional exchanges of sighs were the only sound you two made until he gave up, and cleared his throat.

“Look, I’m not gonna say this to make you feel guilty and regret anything, I just wanted you to know what happened after you  two broke up,” he said.

You looked at him and started to listen.

“He cried himself to sleep for months, sometimes he’ll just zone out, then he’ll excuse himself and cry most the time. Hhe buries himself with work, until his grandmother convinced him to go and see the doctor so he can manage the nightmares which he did, he’s been visiting the doc for eight months now.”

You immediately wipe the tears that’s trying to come out of your eye as he speak. He pulled a handkerchief from one of the inside pockets of his coat and handed it to you, and you accepted it, wiping your tears.

“He resigned a few weeks ago, and now he’s training under his father’s supervision, he’s gonna be a CEO of his own company soon,” Taehyung continued.

A smile made it’s way to your lips, knowing he’s trying his best to be successful.

“That’s good to hear,” you replied sincerely.

“Are you still willing to talk to him?” Taehyung answered.

“I hope in the future, I’d be able to give you an absolute answer Tae, but for now I don’t know.” you replied.

“I understand,” he replied.

“Ah, I can’t take this anymore!” he stood up and went towards you, and gave you a hug,

“I’m always here, Y/N don’t forget that, OKAY? Jungkook and Yoongi hyung are always in campus and they’re just a text away too,”

You just nod as tears starts to fall like rain from your eyes.

“We miss you a LOT, Y/N.”

“I miss you too, guys.”

Taehyung rubbed your back to calm you down. And right now, your heart and your head hopes that somehow, Jimin’s also missing you.

***

When you’ve calmed down and the misunderstanding’s cleared, the old Taehyung that you knew came back, you were laughing when Jin decided to join in.

Both of them offered you a ride but you declined so you now walked towards the bus stop alone and waited for the right bus to take you home.

You cooked for yourself since your parents will be home late, read in advance, and went to bed.

Again, with Jimin on your mind.

***

Jimin decided to stay late to review some proposals that the CFO passed to him. He loosened his tie and sighed. He rested his head for a bit when he heard his phone beep, a message from Taehyung with a photo attachment just came up.

He slolwy tapped the message and when it opened, he read the caption

Still, hope for the best.

[photo]

It’s a photo of a hand that’s holding a tall glass, but it’s not just any hand.

It’s a photo of your hand, a spark of hope suddenly made Jimin smile.

You’re still wearing the magnolia ring he gave you.

Quickly, he replied with ‘thanks’ to Taehyung’s message and returned to work.

***

-TWO MONTHS LATER-

Two months have already passed and you’ve adjusted to the schedule that was given to you, except with the different deadlines your professors set for the past week. One of them is fond of being late, hence the delay of your discussion making the progress of your lessons slow. And on this subject, your classmates appointed you as the representative of the class so it’s your duty to collect and submit their works whether it’s completed or not just like today.

You sighed as you went in front and announced that you’ll be collecting the paper due today. Most of your classmates handed it to you with a slight smile or some words of encouragement and some either reacted with a sigh or another sound in exchange to a violent reaction.

When you completed the papers, you waited for the dismissal and went straight to the building where the office of your professor is.

You’re carrying a heavy tote where the papers are, plus your bag where your laptop is so you’re struggling to walk fast when somene walked beside you.

“That bag seemed heavy, mind if I help you?” he suddenly spoke.

To your surprise, you moved to the innermost part of the sidewalk just to be away from the man who just replied with a chuckle, only to see that it’s none other than Yoongi.

“Sir, uh, Professor?” you greeted him.

“Just Yoongi,” he replied.

“Yoongi, had a bit of a shock there,” you replied, trying to make the atmosphere lighter.

“You should limit your coffee intake, I think.” He smirked.

“Says by the man who drinks up to six cups of coffee in three hours,” you replied.

“Tch, let me help you, where are we headed?” he asked and you gave him the bag.

“Dr. Choi Siwon’s office,” you replied.

“Okay,” he replied.

You let him lead the way though you already know where to go. It’s just that you’re quite uncomfortable or maybe afraid even as to what would he say or mention that’s related to Jimin.

When the two of you reached the building, he offered you to enter the elevator first and he followed. You two waited for a few seconds in consideration for the others who will go up but nobody’s entering the building so, he pressed the close button.

You were looking at the numbers and when you glanced at the closing door, you were sure, you saw a very familiar pair of eyes, looking at you from the other elevator across to where you are.

“Hey, are you okay? You looked so pale,” Yoongi commented.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine,” you smiled at him and he dropped the subject.

Yoongi lead you to your professor’s office in a breeze and you find yourself placing the papers you’ve collected on the usual basket he told you to put it.

“Thanks Yoongi,” you said as he handed you your tote.

“Anytime,” he replied.

You’re about to exit the office when he speak again.

“Coffee, perhaps?” he offered.

To be honest you have a lot of time to spare that day so you just agreed to his offer.

“Sure,” you replied which earned a smile from him.

The two of you walked back to where you came from before and as you enter the elevators where you saw someone made your breath hitch, your head making scenarios. 

In a few seconds you were back at the ground floor and Yoongi brought you to the nearest coffee shop which is LATE.

Since your preference doesn’t change, he just went straight to the counter and ordered your food.

When he returned, he placed the tray in front of you. He lazily sat down on the chair that’s directly facing you, while typing something on his phone in the process.

When he’s done, he started asking you questions that you’re comfortable to answer. Your conversation’s quite broad from academics, to personal stuff, he also mentioned the upcoming plays that you might be interested to see. unti it’s your turn to ask.

It was all smiles until you felt like it’s your turn to ask which created a short moment of silence.

You’re not sure whether it’s appropriate for you to ask Yoongi, but whenever you’re in an uncomfortable or confusing situation, he just seemed to be there, as if he’s the perfect person to ask.

Brushing off your doubts, you cleared your throat and started asking what you’ve been wanting to ask.

“Do you perhaps have any news about him?” you slowly looked into direction.

He tried to cover his true feelings about your question by showing you his  expressionless face but it’s evident that he’s quite surprised about what you’ve just asked.

“Well, he’s the CEO of his own company now, in just a  couple of months in training, he managed to impress the people around him,”

“That’s great,” you responded with  smile.

You don’t know how to ask further that’s why you just tried to became satisfied with what has Yoongi told you.

You decided to part ways after you’ve finished your food. He walked with you until you reached one of the entrances of the university.

“Um, I don’t know if I’m imagining things but earlier today on the elevator, I think I saw him,” you confessed.

Yoongi remained silent and you let out a chuckle just to cover the weird atmosphere you thought you just gave.

“I must be seeing things, sorry, I’ll see you around, Yoongi.”

“Yeah, I hope you reply to our messages this time!” he joked.

“I would, I promise.” You responded.

“Alright, take care,” he said and waved goodbye and went back inside the university while you went to the bus stop to go home.

***

For the past two months, Jimin have been receiving ‘updates’ about you through various resources aka your friends namely Jin, Jungkook and occasionally from Taehyung.

You and Jungkook continued to be study partners and he’s thankful you still trusted all of them, making it easier for him to ‘see’ you.

One of his favorites was when Taehyung sent a picture of you in which your back’s facing the camera. Your hairs a lot longer than before which falls almost at the small of your back, making his heart flutter a bit more than usual. That’s when he decided to pay a visit to the school with the hopes that he’d see you, and boy oh boy, how did he get lucky?

He’s about to leave the building when he accidentally looked at the opposite elevator and his lungs suddenly tightens when he  saw your figure who’s staring blankly at whatever Yoongi’s pressing.

Then suddenly, he found his eyes looking back at yours but the doors on the elevator that you’re ate closed and right after that, he quickly left the univeristy.

A few hours have passed and he’d just finished another session with his doctor and he mentioned what happened to the elevators and the doctor viewed it as a positive progress.

He’s on he’s way home when he received a call from Yoongi which he answered on the first ring.

[I don’t know how you’d take it but I wish you’d take this as a good news,] he said, skipping ‘hello.’

“Yeah?” Jimin replied.

[She saw you.]

He almost choked upon hearing what Yoongi had just said but he remained composed.

[She felt quite uneasy around me again, probably she’s still adjusting but still she opened up to me, telling me she thought she saw you, and she tried to cover that sadness in her eyes with a chuckle.] he continued.

“I see,” Jimin replied.

[Yeah, you should definitely see.] he ended the call there.

Jimin sighed once more and continued driving home.

***

You’re in the middle of folding the laundry when your mother asked you to buy some errands at the grocery storeso you did.

The weather’s starts to change from the warm to the cold, the leaves of the trees now in different shades of yellow, orange, and red.

You just picked up whatever your mother asked you to buy when you passed by the baking section of the supermarket. Though it’s not the same store that you frequently visited when you’re still living with Jimin, those memories with him suddenly came popping into your mind.

You stopped to check a new product which is an instant cake  and the packaging looked tempting so you decided to grab two boxes and proceeded to the cashier.

Your shoulders dropped upon seeing the rain starts pouring. You texted your mother telling her you’d be late because of the rain.

“The weather’s unpredictable nowadays ain’t it?”

You turned to the direction of the voice when you saw  a smiling Hoseok.

“Here, take it,” he extended his arms, trying to hand you an umbrella.

“Are you sure?” you looked at him, hesitant to take the umbrella.

“Yes, I’m sure and my car’s just park nearby.” He assured you.

“You know what, why don’t you just follow me and I’ll take you home instead?” he offered.

Quickly, you shook your head and took the umbrella he’s giving you.

“I’ll just take this, thank you.” you responded.

“Okay, see you around,Y/N”. He said and waved at you.

You gave him a slight smile and walked away from the grocery store.

When you returned home, your mother told you to take a bath though you’re not wet but just to be sure you won’t get sick, you obeyed her.

Right after that you asked for permission to try the instant cake and she agreed, and seemed excited about the outcome so you created it with enthusiasm.

You decided to make little cakes so you placed the cake mixture on a muffin pan and followed the waiting instructions as per the packaging.

While waiting, you created the icing and you’re not contented on the included icing mixture so you made one from scratch, creating different colors of it.

The aroma of the cake made you even more excited and when you heard the ding of the oven, you hurriedly took the cake out and you’re quite impressed, it really looked like tiny cakes.

When it’s cooled down, you decorated each cake with whatever comes in your mind, each cake represents the color of the rainbow.

“Done!” you exclaimed and took a picture of it before either of your parents devour it.

Due to your excitement, you sent a photo of it to Jungkook, asing him what he likes and he replied the red one, so you placed it in the container.

You served the orange cake to your mother which she enjoyed a lot.

As usual, you cleaned up, and get ready for bed after.

You’re ready to get to sleep when your phone started notyfing you about an event.

When you looked at it, you sadly smiled at your screen as it alarms for the event which labelled HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIMIN!♥

You dismissed the notification, and in exchange, you typed on a writing app, more of like a journal app with a photo of the cakes you just baked earlier.

Maybe your subconscious is telling you that it’s Jimin’s birthday. You even sing ‘happy birthday to you~’ as you typed it on your entry that day.

You wished that he’s doing well.

You wished he’s always smiling.

You wished he still thinks of you even if it’s just a second.

You ended the entry with a smiling emoji and before you close your eyes to sleep, you whispered

‘I miss you, see you in my dreams’.

 ***

The following day, you brought five cakes in total, giving one for Jungkook, Jin, and Yoongi. You asked Jungkook to hand over the last cake to Taehyung, which he gladly accepted.

As for the birthday boy himself, he’s planning to bury himself on work today. He doen’t want to celebrate it because you’re not gonna be there.

He’s quite surprised when his grandmother called him, telling him that his friends are there so he got curious and went to home earlier than planned.

“What are you doing here?” he said while placing his coat on the coat rack.

“Stop whining and come over here,” her grandmother said.

“Happy birthday bro,” Yoongi greeted first and the rest followed and together, they handed a large paper bag.

“What the hell is this?” he frowned.

“Oh just take a look at it, will ya?” Taehyung said, smiling like a fool.

He followed. And it’s quite evident that his face lights up upon seeing four different colored mini-cakes in front of him.

He looked at his friends, asking for a confirmation.

“Yeaaah, she made it,” Jungkook said casually.

“She said she ‘felt like baking’ and she made quite a few so she wanted to give everyone,” Jin continued.

“Except you,” Yoongi teased, who were given dark looks by the others.

“Actually, you’re wrong Yoongi-hyung,” Jungkook said, pulling another paper bag, this one’s smaller.

“Well, she didn’t directly said to give it to you. She said it this way, it’s an extra if you want some more.” He even imitated the way you’ve said it and the rest of the boys giggled.

“But, the design gives it away, it’s a freaking dog that looks like you so, I am sure this is yours,” he gave the paper bag to him.

When Jimin peeked at it, it really does looked like him, a dog wearing a yellow hoodie.

“She’s very talented isn’t she?” he said.

“Yeah, so, can we eat now? I want to taste it!” Jin said and they enjoyed it together with the old lady who’s just quiet during the entire time.

When the festivities died down, and the only ones that remained are Jimin and his grandmother, it was her time to speak.

“I don’t want to sound delousional but by the looks of it, she’s still thinking of you,” she said which made Jimin cough.

Jimin looked at his grandmother as if she just spoke in a language he doesn’t understand.

“What are you talking about, gram? She probably baked those cakes because she liked it.” Jimin tries to conceal the bubbling excitement that’s filling his senses.

“Oh, I don’t know son, that’s what I see right now,” she replied.

She looked at him, with an expression that he usually see whenever she thought of her late husband, which his is grandfather.

“It’s been what, ten months? I wish you’d find the right time soon, to talk to her, I miss her.” she said.

“I hope so too, gram.” he replied and excused himself. Though he’s not tired, he went to bed right after. Because what he wanted to do is drown himself with beautiful thoughts about you.

As soon as his head hits his pillows, a call suddenly made him curse and grab the phone with force.

His face contorts once again upon seeing the name of the caller which his his father.

“Father,”

[I hope I’m not late to greet you a happy birthday, my son]

He glanced at the clock, it’s two minutes before midnight.

“No,” he replied.

[I would like to meet you early tomorrow, drop by at my office. We have some important matters to discuss.]

“Will do,” Jimin responded.

After that, his father ended the call.

He turned his phone into silent mode and shoved it inside of the drawer of his bedside table.

He slowly sink in his bed, and as soon as he found a comfortable position, he let his mind wander into the thoughts of you.

He recalled how your eyes widen as he met yours on the elevator, those same beautiful shade that sparkles everytime you met his.

That ‘meeting’ is both relieving and regretting at the same time that you’re both on an elevator.

Relieving because he’s not sure if you’re ready to face him.

Regretting because it’s short and sudden.

He sighed as he imagine your smiling face, closing the distance from him to you with a tight embrace.

He adjusted his pillow, and turned to his side, hoping that somehow, he crossed your mind.

***

You stared at your face for a while and you sighed as you see prominent dark circles under your eyes. You don’t know what time you fell asleep, what you remembered is that you kept on replaying what you saw on the elevators a few days ago.

“Make up it is,” you said to yourself, as if you’re defeated.

It’s not that you hated wearing make up, you’re just uncomfortable putting some on. But today’s an exemption because you were given an invitation from your dean to attend an important academic event.

You wore a simple black dress, with light make up on, and your long hair is half up, half down. The only thing that’s missing is your shoes.

You jogged downstairs and pulled your black shoes with heels on. You said your goodbye to the house and began walking to the bus stop when your phone vibrates and Yoongi’s name appeared.

“Hello?”

[Where are you? I’ll pick you up.] he said, you can hear the soft instrumental music from the background.

“I’m walking towards the bus stop,” you replied.

[Which stop is it?]

“Why?” you’re starting to be annoyed.

[Don’t get the wrong ideam Y/N. I’m also invited to the event you’re attending.]

“Oh, okay. I’m at the bus stop near XXXXXXX mall.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in ASAP. See you,”

“Okay,” you responded and he ended the call.

In a few minutes, you noticed a black car slowly approaching you, and the driver rollled down the windows and you saw it’s Yoongi, you immediately get in.

“Good morning, there’s coffee and donuts,” he declared.

“Thanks,” you replied.

“You have to eat Y/N, you’ll be needing that. This’ll be a long shitty event, I’m telling you.”

You looked at him with a slight frown, he’s wearing a business attire. He looked good, probably even more attractive if he dyed his hair back to black but you couldn’t care less. His eyes were fixed on the road.

“Right, okay I’ll eat now, thanks,” you peeked at the paper bag where the doughnuts are and chose the one with strawberry filling.

You started to slow down when traffic starts to build up and when a solid minute has passed, he reached for his coffee.

“This event, it’ll consist of waiting, waiting, a little bit of listening, and more waiting,” he replied with his usual monotonous tone.

“Take if from me, I’ve been attending this thing for about seven years, I think. I usally accompany my father,” he explained.

“Thanks for the advice, I hope I find the event interesting, like the play from before,” you said.

He replied with  a hum and continued driving.

You reached the event just in time for the opening. He accompanied you until you’re both inside.

“You can roam around and if you’re done, meet me back here, I have to attend to some official business matters,” he said.

“Okay, see you in a bit,” you replied and you started walking around different booths where different innovative products are being showcased.

You’re walking further down the hall when you noticed a familiar gray colored wall, you’re on the aisle where apparel are being displayed.

Your heart skipped a beat when you approached closer to the booth, and when you saw the booth name, you stopped.

You suddenly became conscious of your surroundings, half praying that Jimin’s here and half wishing that you wouldn’t cross paths with him.

You slowly turned around and quickly returned to where you agreed to meet with Yoongi but he’s nowhere to be found so you texted him.

He returned your text with a call and he told you to look for your designated seats and so you did, quickly, you spotted yoongi’s name on the second row so you sat down, taking interest on the booklet placed on the cushioned seats. You flipped each page until your eyes landed on one of the guest speakers for the day.

In bold letters it says: Jimin Park, CEO, Park Group of Companies

You wanted to disappear right this moment, you want to call your dean that you suddenly feel sick. You glanced around, and the room’s starting to be filled with guests, most of them looked like businessmen.

Again, you texted Yoongi, telling him where you are.

He didn’t respond, so you tried to wait as patient as possible, until the lights starts to dim, only leaving the stage well-lit.

One of the stage personnel announced that the event will start in five minutes, so you called Yoongi this time, and you felt quite relived when you saw him enter.

“Old folks sure are talkative. Got caught up on one of my father’s business partners, I hate the chit chat but I have to do it, sorry.” He explained.

You glanced at him and replied, “I see.”

You couldn’t help it so you handed his copy of the booklet that’s opened at the page where you found Jimin’s name.

“Do you know anything about this?” you asked as you faced the stage.

“Know about?” he looked lost.

You pointed at the spot where you want him to look.

“It’s dark—“

You don’t want to come as rude but you cut him off.

“Jimin’s here,” you replied.

“No kidding.” He replied in a very calm manner. He’s now looking at the booklet with  suprised expression.

You’re about to speak when the hosts appeared on the stage, formally opening the event, quickly introducing the first speaker.

True enough, it’s a waiting game, your focus was long gone since you read Jimin’s name.

“I told you, it’s a waiting game. Shit’s boring every damn time,” Yoongi whispered.

You smiled at his remark, making the listening quite bearable.

He told you who’s who, and their fields during the open forum part of the first two talks.

Those talks ate more than two hours of your time this day, followed by a 20 minute break. When you came back, they’re showing the participant’s products on the screen, the same ones that are being displayed.

You’re watching the the presentation when your eyes darted on the approaching person from the side.

You felt your time has stopped, so as your breathing and your heart.

You don’t know if the universe is teasing you right now because the staff pointed to the empty seat directly in front of you, his signature scent fills your senses, making you shiver.

There he is, Jimin’s just at your arms reach, so you leaned your back, hoping he’d never turn his back.

His hair, if you’re right, is back at it’s silver-gray color.

You tried to avoid looking at his back but your eyes keeps on going to his direction.

“Breathe, you might pass out,” Yoongi whispered and you almost yelped, not realizing his return.

The presentation was cut and the hosts returned again to introduce Jimin, the spotlight followed him, and so as your gaze as he stepped on the stage.

He stood there, full of confidence. Not seeing him for almost a year really makes a difference.

You couldn’t help but to smile a bit. He looked so sure that he deserves to be there.

He then started to introduce himself and the company that he represents, he began talking.

His voice is like honey to your ears, you couldn’t help but to close your eyes.

That’s the voice your heart misses.

When you opened your eyes again, it betrayed you, because blurred vision welcomed you.

Tears starts to fall from your eyes, you’re annoyed with yourself.

You turned to Yoongi who’s surprised to see your state, immediately handing you a handkerchief.

“If it’s too much we can go,” he said, extending his hand to yours.

“No, I’m fine, I can do this,” you tried to calm yourself.

He stood up and approached one of the staffs. When he retuned, he handed a bottle of water to you.

You managed to stop crying when it’s time for the question and answer part of his talk.

You just watched him answer the questions in a very professional manner.

You felt so proud.

When the talk ended, everybody stood up and gave him a round of applause, so you did as well.

You excused yourself to go to the toilet to look at yourself. Your nose is still red but you don’t care anymore. You exited and returned to the event place and the lights were on once again, different businessmen are having small chats. You’re trying to look for Yoongi when you accidentally stepped on a loose cable.

You closed your eyes, not wanting to see the people that will definitely witness your fall but instead of falling on a hard floor, you felt something soft, and warm.

You slowly opened your eyes and realized you were caught not just by someone.

You’re caught by Jimin.

He slowly guided you to stand up and when you regained balance he let go of you.

You’re about to thank him but as soon as you face him, he suddenly speak

“Be careful next time,” and left.

What happened just now?

He acted as if he doesn’t know you.

Yoongi came running towards you, his hands automatically landed at the small of your back, guiding you.

“Let’s go, this is too much,” he said.

He guided you until you reached the entrance of the event place. He told you to wait there while he gets the car when a group of people starts to leave as well.

You spotted a familiar black car, you’re one hundred percent sure it’s Jimin’s and true enough, shortly he came out but he’s not alone.

He’s with a woman, who quickly enters the vehicle, followed by Jimin.

Yoongi honked and you quickly entered the car, fastening your seatbelt.

“Was it just Jimin who left?” Yoongi asked.

“Yeah, can we follow them?” you boldly asked.

Yoongi was about to ask but again, you cut him off,

“Please? Just please follow them,” you pleaded.

“Alright, alright,” he started driving and you spotted Jimin’s car.

You were taken to the luxurious part of town and you parked a few cars away from them. You still followed them until they entered a restaurant.

You watched as Jimin show his gentleman side to the lady.

You felt your heart being crushed when you saw him smile sweetly towards the lady.

Yoongi blocked your view

“Stop hurting yourself, Y/N, let’s go,” He almost dragged you so you’ll walk, holding your hand until you reached the car.

“Cry here,” he said and you started bawling.

He exited the car, and you saw him talking to someone on the phone.

When he returned inside, he turned the engine on and started driving away.

“I told the dean of your school you’re excused for the day. I’ll be arranging a leave for you if you want to,” he said.

You continued crying silently.

“What I mean is, if you don’t feel like going to school physically, you can, I’ll arrange it for you.” he said.

“Thank you, but I’ll attend school,” you replied.

He drove towards the direction of Taehyung’s house.

“Why are we here?” you looked at him.

“I can’t think of anywhere elese to bring you,” he said.

You two went upstairs, he used his spare key and when he opened the door, a strong force pulled you inside.

“Hey....” Taehyung’s soft voice made it’s way to your ears and tears starts to fill your eyes once again.

Yoongi filled them with details of what happened.

“I’m sorry I don’t know anything about it, he didn’t mention anything.” Taehyung said, as he rubs your back while your head rests on his shoulders while you cry.

Your breaths starts to slow down after long periods of crying and when he checked, you fell asleep while crying, Taehyung carried you to the guest room.

“We have to ask around,” He said to Yoongi.

“Ask Hoseok, you mean.” Yoongi corrected him.

“Yes,” he replied.

He pulled another phone from his pocket and dialled probably Hoseok’s number.

He asked if he knew something about Jimin’s relationship and well, he said his father’s getting interested in Jimin’s personal affairs and might arrange a marriage agreement.

Yoongi looked at Taehyung and both of them have dark looks on their faces.

When he ended the call, Taehyung shooked his head.

“She shouldn’t know,” Taehyung said.

“Alright,” Yoongi left.

***

Jimin went to his father’s office as early as he could, he was greeted by a wide smile of his father.

He tensed up.

His father smiling, means there’s something coming his way.

“I’ve set you up for a lunch date, second daughter of one of our partners in the cargo industry. But you’re gonna attend to the business event your grandmother participated in right?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“Very well, she’ll be around  the area, this is her profile, and her phone number. Treat her well,”

He replied with a curt nod and exited the building.

He knows his father’s up to something.

****

It’s afternoon when you woke up, you heard someone’s faint groans and when you slowly came out of the room, you saw Jungkook typing as fast as he could on the computer.

“How are you feeling, Y/N?” he asked, completely dropping whatever he’s doing.

“Would you believe me if I say that I am fine?” you smiled at him.

“I don’t know, you eyes are a different story,” he replied.

You gave him another smile.

He approached you and gave you a tight embrace.

“You know, sometimes, I wonder what if I pursued you, and you fell for me, would it be the same?” he said out of nowhere.

You just smiled at the thought. Of course it’ll be different.

Because you know for sure he’ll be the one who’s gonna cry.

Because you’re sure you’ still choose Jimin in the end.

But now it’s different, now, you have to learn to close your heart and mind about him.

You asked where’s Yoongi, Jungkook said he returned to the school to report.

“Change into something comfier, we’re going somewhere.” Jungkook said while he glaned at his phone.

You nod and went back to the guest room, opening the closet.

You chuckle at the sight of the clothes that’s left there.

All of them are Jimin’s.

You sighed and pulled a pair of pants, shirt, and hoodie.

When you came out, Jungkook let you borrow one of his shoes and you went straight to the parking lot.

“I miss this!” you smiled upon seeing his yellow jeep.

You just let him drive and you knew where you’re headed.

As usual, the arboretum.

You smiled when you saw Taehyung’s waiting for you, with food.

You ate with a smile on your face and when you’re done, you thanked them, declining their offers to take you home.

***

You buried yourself with school works which is effective. You declined all of the invitations from them, including Chirstmas and New year’s, it’s Valentines where you couldn’t decline because Yoongi and Jungkook cornered you in the library.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go.” You said in defeat.

You were accompanied with those two and you found Taehyung waiting with a pout.

You just took in all of the things Taehyung said, and when it’s quiet, you cleared your throat.

“I want to say something too,”

“Thank you for putting up with me, with us. Four years of friendship, thank you guys I truly appreciate it,” you started.

“But I think, I need some time for myself, to open up to different people, I’m not closing the doors to our friendship but  I really want to heal, I think, I have to distance myself from all of you for now.”

You looked at them, all of them looked surprised, especially Taehyung, who’s mouth fell open.

“I want to move forward! Because as I see it, Jimin and I, it’s really the end for the two of us, so.. I hope you understand,” you said. And bow.

“Thank you again, see you around.” You said, and exited the cafe that served as one of the witnesses of how your love  blossomed and withered.

***

TWO MONTHS AFTER-

Hundreds of students are excited as they lined up to enter the school’s event place including you, who’s wearing your graduation robe. It’s your graduation day and you couldn’t be more proud of yourself.

As soon as you were seated, you felt a sense of accomplishment, a reason why you kept a smile on your face.

You spotted Jungkook on the other side of the room, he too, is graduating.

When the ceremonies proceeded, and your course was called, you all stood up, then it’s your turn to walk at the stage, and your parents were called because you graduated with honors. A sweet surprise for your parents.

When it ended, your elegant navy blue dress was revealed, you stumbled upon Yoongi who saluted you, and gave you a bouquet of flowers.

“Thank you, Yoongi,” you smiled.

After him, was Jin who looked so handsome with his new hair color and hairstyle, he, too, has given you a bouquet and congratulated you.

Then Jungkook came half running towards you, he’s wearing a navy blue suit as well.

The boys never truly cut off ties with you. They just ‘keep themselves at bay’ or ‘always available’ especially Jungkook because you two had a pact to be study partners. During that process it’s just him who has a regular communication with you but Taehyung couldn’t resist it so he almost always check up on you.

“Looking beautiful as ever, partner.” Jungkook complimented you.

‘Ditto, partner.” You replied.

“We made it,” he said.

“Yeah, we’re that great of a team,” you boasted and the two of you giggled.

He also handed a bouquet to you.

“Lemme help you,” he chuckled at the sight of you, trying to balance three bouquets.

When you spotted your parents, your mother hugged you tightly, telling they’re proud of you.

You asked for help in carrying the bouquets when Namjoon approached you, again, with a bouquet.

“Congratulations, Y/N I am here to personally inform you that you’re welcome whenever you wanted to start working in my company,” he said.

“I will keep you updated, thank you, Sir.” You smiled.

He responded with a nod and a smile, he greeted your parents as well, and excused himself.

You walked further and you exchange congratulatory messages with your classmates when you heard someone calling you.

You turned to your back and you saw the Madam, smiling at you.

You walked towards her and she gave you a hug.

“Dear, Y/N,” she said as she tries not to cry.

“Madam,” you said.

“Oh, come on, I’m still ‘gram’, love.” She said.

“I came here to see you graduate dear, congratulations,” she said.

Your heart melted as she said those words which made you tear up.

“Thank you, gram,” you said.

“You can never have too many flowers, here’s one more, from me.” She handed you a beautiful

“I wish to have a chat with you sometime,” she said.

“Okay, I’ll visit you,” you promised.

She left the place after that and you waved goodbye to her.

Your parents caught up with you and your father commented.

“Too many bouquets for one lady, and it’s from handsome men! I wonder how ehem, Jimin doesn’t get jealous,”

You giggled.

“Because all of them are his friends dad, dont’t you remember them?” you replied.

“Right, here comes another one,” he said.

And you turned to where your father’s looking and you instantly gave a full blown smile upon seeing who he is.

It’s none other than the ever persuasive, Kim Taehyung.

“Congratulations, my dear lady,” he said, and he held your hand and kissed it.

“Thank you, Tae,” you replied.

“Here, this is my gift to you, and whew, we all gave bouquets, don’t we?” he said, looking at your parents.

You nod.

“Alright, lemme help you, where’s your car?” he approached your parents and helped them carry the extra flowers.

Your father went ahead to get the car he rented for this day and when he returned, Taehyung carefully placed the flowers at the back.

You thanked him again and he gave you a salute while giving a courteous bow to your parents.

You celebrated at a Japanese restaurant with your parents and you joked around and had fun while you enjoyed the food. You told your plans to your parents and they told you they support you a hundred percent in whatever your decision will be.

***

“Since when did you became a coward, son?” the madam asked Jimin who’s sitting at the back of the car with her.

He kept quiet, he’s starting to regret his deciscion in staying in the car. But he doesn’t want to ruin this special day for you.

“I wish you saw her, she’s so beautiful,” she continued.

“I’m sure she is gram, she’s always been,” he said.

“I don’t want to see you two like this, I am telling you, the time is now, just approach her and talk to her, I am sure she’s just waiting for you,” her grandmother pushed.

“Soon gram, soon.” He said and he kept quiet, trying to dismiss the topic.

***

When you returned home, you placed the flowers on different vases. You chose to put the ones from the madam on your room. You stared at it for a while and again, flashes of Jimin’s face popped into your head.

“Stop it, Y/N, we’ll start over, remember?” you said to yourself.

you looked around your room and began creating a mental list on what to put away in preparation to your life as a young adult.

You approached the beautiful bouquet and took a picture of it, writing another entry on your journal.

It ended with ‘I’ll start over again, thank you for everything. I’ll end this here.’

To you, this is a fresh start, a new beginning.

***

=ONE MONTH LATER=

Taehyung didn’t stop bothering you until you agreed to come on their planned trip to the beach. He assured that you only need to bring yourself plus your things.

You agreed to be picked up on the bus stop (as usual). Taehyung and Jungkook’s faces light up as soon as they saw you approaching the car.

“I’m here, I’m here,” you joked.

“Yeees!” Jungkook replied, immediately transferring beside you.

You just smiled at him, and you looked outside, as the car moves.

“Where are we headed this time?” your excitement’s evident.

“Surprise, surprise,” Taehyung hums.

You chuckled and just let go with the flow. The vehicle alighted the large ship that’s docked when you arrived.

When you’re parked properly inside, Taehyung and Jungkook went out of the car so you followed.

You went several floors up and you saw Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jin on one of the expensive looking waiting rooms.

‘Y/N!” Jin cheered, Namjoon smiled and Yoongi gave a smirk.

“Y’all got your passports with you right?” Namjoon asked.

All noded except you.

“Why? Did you forgot?” Namjoon looked at you.

“It’s not with me,” you replied.

“It’s with Jimin,” you said and your words worked like magic, Taehyung waved a notebook –sized item.

“I’ve anticipated this, I asked him beforehand,” he smiled.

“Thank you.” you replied.

Your arrival to the beach is about two hours so you decided to look around.

You spent that time watching  a movie and as soon as the movie ended, you stood up and stretched.

You went back to the car followed by Jungkook and Taehyung.

Taehyung’s the designated driver so he started playing one of his playlists and you laughed on their funny antics as you travel to your hotel.

You shared a room with two bedrooms with Jungkook and Taehyung.

You changed into your rashguard and board shorts but underneath, you’re wearing a one piece swimsuit.

When you’re done, you went out and the others knocked on your door and went to the beach using ATVs.

You chose to ride with Jungkook. And you’re on the beach in no time.

You climbed down the ATV and rush to the waves. You squealed when Jungkook suddenly carried you and threw you on the water, making you chase him.

“I swear, if I caught you, I’ll drown you!” you said as you chase after him, but he’s like a cheetah, he’s too fast. You stopped to catch your breath while he ran some more, shouting at you.

You chased him again, and when you looked behind you, the others are running as well so you dashed towards Jungkook.

You don’t know what happened but you caught up with him and he slowed down, pulling you to the side which made a way for the others to chase each other.

“DON’T.ALWAYS.USE.YOUR.STRENGTH.TO.BULLY.ME!” you said as you playfully punch him on his arm.

He chuckled and you were suddenly on his shoulders.

He walked towards the others who are lying on the sand, panting.

“JUNGKOOK! don’t do that,” you screamed after he put you down.

You rode the banana boat, you also tried parasailing with Taehyung.

You enjoyed fresh food after and when the sun sets, you returned to the hotel.

You’re enjoying the fresh banana-apple shake while you’re stargazing, it’s nice to be with these boys but it feels somewhat empty.

Jungkook slowly approached you, he’s holding a drink on his hand while his phone on the other.

“You’re having fun, right?” he asked.

You  looked at him and smiled “Of course,”

“You didn’t answer my question, you know, a few months back, before we graduated, when Yoongi hyung brought you over?”

You tried recalling and you looked away, as you remembered what he asked that time.

“I know that you already knew the answer to that question, Kookie.” You don’t want to tell him directly.

“No I don’t, I only know the possibilites, the what ifs,” he replied.

You sighed and looked at him again.

“You really want to hear it from me, don’t you?” you confirmed and he nods.

“With all honesty, I think I’d just hurt you. because no matter what happens, if I’d be given a chance, I’ll still choose him, I’ll still choose Jimin anytime.” You started pouring what’s inside of you again.

“He didn’t chose me this time so, I’ll just love him until it doesn’t matter, until it no longer hurts,” you said while tears starts to fall.

“Dammit, that’s why I wanted to cut ties with you guys, this always happens,” you wiped your cheeks.

“Sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he approached you and he embraced you, and you embraced him back.

“I know, don’t worry, I’m doing my best to move on,” you smiled.

So, you ditched the shake with vodka.

You joined the rest of them that’s partying at the rooftop that’s reserved for your group.

You felt dizzy with just  a couple of shots so you sat on one of the chairs. You managed to gobble another shot when you felt someone remove the shot glass from your hands, you chuckle when your altered vision plays tricks on you.

You’re seeing a gray-haired person in front of you, and you just giggled. You suddenly felt the feeling of being carried, but you’re not really sure, you just closed your eyes because even your nose’s drunk.

You can smell Jimin’s perfume.

***

Jimin watched you and the rest of the boys from afar, as you enjoy yourselves. He’s gaze never leave your form, while you chased Jungkook, while you run for your life, while you chased Jungkook once again, laugh after you tried different water sports offered.

You looked so beautiful wearing that white sundress that made him try to control himself into barging into your room.

He watched Jungkook approach you.

He watched you cry, and how Jungkook hugged you.

And watched closely as you drink.

When he saw you almost passed out, he couldn’t take it anymore, he has to go to you.

Yoongi saw him and they exchange nods, acknowledging his presence, Jin and Namjoon gave him a handshake, while Taehyung and Jungkook’s passed out already.

He stared at your face for a while, longing is evident in his gaze. He slowly removed the shot glass from your hands and carried you to where your room is.

He carefully placed you on the bed, making sure you’re comfortable.

He placed a blanket over your body and when he’s about to leave, he heard you say something as you sob,

I miss you, Jimin, I love you, come back.

That broke him, he turned to you and stared at your face once again.

“Wait a little bit more, Princess, wait for me, I love you too.” He kissed your forehead and left.

 ****

A/N

Hello.

I’m having an emotional roller coaster whenever I write Make Me, sorry for the delay. :(

Enjoy!