#also be aware that there are 3 papers in this class and the lowest grade is dropped

[anna-scribbles]

ANNA WRITE YOUR PAPER OMG-

to everyone concerned about my paper due tonight: i’ve decided i won’t be writing it. please understand that miraculous brainrot is a very real burden to bear

[misedejem]

I wrote 75 headcanons about Kannao

25 for Kanji, 25 for Naoto, 25 for them as a couple

Why?

Why not.

 Kanji Tatsumi

1.     He does actually need glasses, but he was hesitant to ask for contacts, so he spent most of P4 struggling to see until Naoto brought up that he looked like he was having a hard time. He wore contacts for a bit, but eventually he just stuck to glasses.

2.     The scar on his head was a source of speculation for the other members of the Investigation Team for years, because he never cared to explain, resulting in some very wacky theories. Eventually they found out it was just from a fight with a gang member, but considering he got it when he was twelve, the story is still pretty interesting.

3.     He hates mentioning medical stuff to anybody, but he’s prone to fainting spells out of nowhere. Thankfully, it never happened in the TV, which several members of the IT very angrily said to him when he blacked out in front of them one day.

4.     He’s the spitting image of his father, only with shorter hair. He could never let it grow out for that reason.

5.     He’s the only one from the Investigation Team B to go to college. He studies textiles and trains to become a teacher in Tokyo. He ends up being an art teacher at a middle school.

6.     He’s actually pretty good at literature and humanities subjects, though he struggles applying those skills in a school setting until a teacher who hasn’t given up on him yet helps him through them.

7.     Rise forced him to take dance classes the minute he moved to the city because he was ‘super good at it dammit’. Ditto the drums. He can sing too, but she’s not allowed to know that.

8.     He actually just tends to go along with Rise’s plans a lot, partially because he knows her well enough to know stopping her is futile, and also because she understands his tastes very well once she learns what they are

9.     He doesn’t dislike the way he used to dress in high school, but it wasn’t quite him. It needed more cuteness, and softer colours, which is how he started to dress once he graduated high school.

10.  The black hair and glasses stay forever, but when he’s sewing, he still wears his hair pushed back. Yukiko gave him a hairband for it when she noticed him growing slowly more irritated with it getting in his eyes.

11.  As well as his nose and ears, he also gets an eyebrow piercing in college.

12.  He manages to make a small group of friends in college, with his course being the perfect way for him to find likeminded individuals who applaud his skills rather than shunning them

13.  Kanji is the best cook in the Investigation Team. His baking skills, especially, are exemplary.

14.  He has an online, worldwide store where he sells his plushies and the occasional drawing and outfit. He’s semi-fluent in English by the time he graduates college, so when Naoto travels abroad sometimes he goes too and hits up the conventions.

15.  Ann is his go-to model once they meet. He helps her with outfits for a college final once and they work together so well that she sticks with him.

16.  The reason Koromaru dislikes him is that he can tell he’s kinda rough with physical affection. He doesn’t realise it for the longest time because nobody points it out. He is really good with animals otherwise though, and he’s also really good with kids.

17.  He’s a back-up fighter for the Shadow Ops should they need him, by virtue of being married to their resident detective.

18.  The main reason he keeps training his body though is actually because Chie is determined to beat him at arm wrestling one day, and he’s too proud to let anyone win without a fight.

19.  When Naoto’s cat, Mochi, had kittens, he got to name the one they kept. His name is Pocky. He has a little leather jacket that Kanji painstakingly crafted one night when he couldn’t sleep.

20.  He needs a lot of alcohol to get drunk (which makes nights out with the IT interesting for him, given that the others are all serious lightweights)

21.  If you give him a life sim, especially that one with the cute animals, you will not see him again for days at a time. He’s not huge on video games, but life sims will take over his life

22.  Even if he does retreat into a cave to build a pristine village though, he will still probably emerge with a smooth face because he doesn’t grow facial hair very easily. He can, but it takes a while.

23.  He can’t sleep as easily unless he’s holding something soft.

24.  The easiest time to get him to speak his mind about certain things is when he’s sick and more vulnerable, which doesn’t happen very often. For example, the IT had no idea their jokes at his expense bothered him until he confessed it while extremely out of it on cold medication one time. He doesn’t remember saying it either, but he did notice they were more sincere with him after that.

25.  Everybody in the Investigation Team ends up facing their Shadow again in their adulthood, but by the time Shadow Kanji returns, Kanji has become so accepting of the self the Shadow had represented in the past that he takes on a completely different form. Naoto is the only other person with this same experience.

Naoto Shirogane:

1.     By the time they stop growing, Naoto is nearly 5’1” and they absolutely make it a point to let their friends know

2.     They don’t really know how to look after their hair at all, hence the cap and general messiness. They tend to forget about it until it becomes too long and gets all tangled.

3.     They’re very accident prone, and are covered in a lot of scars from their childhood. The worst one though is one on their back from that time Sho stabbed them at Junes.

4.     One of said scars came from their neighbours’ huge dog biting them when they were five. To this day, they’re still absolutely terrified of big dogs.

5.     They’ve experienced panic attacks for most of their life, though they occur less frequently as an adult.

6.     They resemble their mother more than their father, but the height comes from the Shirogane side. Grampa Shirogane was quite small as well.

7.     They are the only member of the Investigation Team who can tolerate Rise’s cooking. The others suspect potential spice immunity.

8.     As well as piano and ballroom dance, they were also trained in a choir as a child, but fell out of favour with it in their teens. The Velvet Siblings hold a final Theatre Showdown with their guests in 2019, and this is when Naoto fully rediscovers their musical side again.

9.     If you ask Naoto how much those specially tailor-made clothes cost, they will mumble and then change the subject

10.  Naoto returns to Yasogami as a full-time student in third year after Mitsuru enrols Labrys in the school out of nowhere, intent on investigating her motives.

11.  They hold the school’s record for highest graded paper for decades. It was on Sherlock Holmes.

12.  Naoto has written a lot of Sherlock Holmes fanfiction as a kid. The others are aware this exists, but are not allowed to read it.

13.  They don’t attend college after graduation, but don’t have much time to figure out what they will do. The mental shutdown incidents begin the same year, and Naoto decided to help the Shadow Operatives with it as much as possible.

14.  Naoto hates the title ‘detective prince’, and actively tries to shed it. Akechi was a godsend in that light.

15.  They actually hate the media’s attention in general but figured that they may as well use the platform they have for a good cause. They want to be the kind of person they needed to see on TV as a kid, but they very vocally opposed the ‘detective prince’ crap until it ended – which it did quite abruptly when the truth about Akechi came out.

16.  Much of what Goro Akechi likes, he got from Naoto’s indirect influence, from the way he dresses to knowledge of that jazz club in Kichijoji. They’re more of a regular there than he is.

17.  Rise set them up on social media, but they don’t really get how to use it. Their fans discovered it though, so they still have a fair number of followers.

18.  Naoto has a slight friendly rivalry with the people who run a local escape room place. Their goal as a company is to one day leave Naoto stumped.

19.  Naoto doesn’t actually like coffee. Too bitter. Tea is their go-to.

20.  They got a standard-size motorcycle at eighteen but doesn’t drive a car. Yakushiji and Kanji refuse to let them behind the wheel.

21.  After becoming comfortable with their childish side once again, they became openly enamoured once more with Neo Featherman, and have a lot of very expensive figures on display in their house. They even cosplayed at a convention once with some of Kanji’s college friends (though it was difficult to convince them to do it)

22.  Yosuke was paid back all the money the IT owed him shortly after Naoto joined the team and discovered they were mooching from him. Yosuke doesn’t know for certain where it came from.

23.  They adopted a kitten they named Mochi in 2017, who they found abandoned outside a supermarket (in an old box that had contained a shipment of mochi, hence the name). She’s an orange tabby, and she became something of a comfort animal when Naoto was at their lowest.

24.  Their grandfather died from an illness in early February 2017. They didn’t handle his loss well, and they ended up falling into a depression that they never really came out of, though they weren’t able to admit that they weren’t okay. It was an encounter with their Shadow that eventually led to them seeking help.

25.  While they’re still a Private Detective in theory, most of the work they do following the events of P5 are Shadow-related. The Shirogane Agency became one of the Shadow Operatives’ closest allies. Makoto Niijima is currently doing an internship there (they met after the Phantom Thieves helped the SOs deal with another incident in Tokyo in 2018)

Kannao

1.     Naoto ‘came down with a fever’ around the time of the Love Meets Bonds festival that had absolutely nothing to do with their friend Kanji suddenly seeming way cooler than before.

2.     The ‘fever’ got worse when they started having classes together in school, and Naoto agreed to help Kanji with his college entrance exams.

3.     At this point Kanji had kinda accepted his feelings existed, but were unrequited, and that he didn’t want that to interfere with their friendship. Naoto was one of the only people who really got him, and he didn’t want to lose them so soon after building a rapport with them. Little did he know.

4.     Naoto was the first one to eventually confess, once Rise, Yu, Grampa, Nanako, several books and google searches, and a random stall vendor at the summer festival in their hometown had convinced them that the weird feeling in their chest wasn’t actually an illness. They did it in the summer of 2013, at said festival.

5.     They were also the first one to say they were in love. The realisation hit them one day as they were watching Kanji play a cute life-simulator game in his college dorm.

6.     While they’re no longer awkward around each other all the time, there are ways they can still make the other very flustered. For example, with Naoto, it’s any time Kanji is wearing a suit.

7.     They got married at Christmas in 2019. Kanji had a proposal planned. Naoto misread the vibe and proposed early and spontaneously on the day he had planned to, though he still got to go ahead with his as well.

8.     Kanji doesn’t really like PDA. They get a lot of people staring at them anyway because of how they look, or because Naoto is recognisable from the TV, and he doesn’t want to make the stares worse. In private though, he’s the more affectionate one.

9.     Naoto accidentally fuelled the rumours that ‘Kanji Tatsumi is in a biker gang’ again when they first started dating by parking their motorcycle outside the textile shop. Ma Tatsumi was quick to tell anybody who questioned it that it belonged to her son’s significant other long before she was supposed to know they were dating

10.  Kanji keeps forgetting to specify which number in his phone is for Naoto’s personal phone and which is for work, which has lead to such wonderful anecdotes as ‘I accidentally hired a private investigator to fix my broken car’

11.  They’re both used to the other bolting upright in bed at 3am because they’ve had an idea for a new pair of socks for the cat, or another hypothesis for a case. Naoto also wakes up quite a bit due to nightmares.

12.  They lived together with the rest of the Investigation Team since 2016, but they don’t get an apartment as just the two of them until the year they get married. It doesn’t take long before there is an entire room in that apartment filled from floor to ceiling with toys.

13.  Kanji is much tidier and more organised than Naoto, even though Naoto isn’t bad, so he’s the one who figures out where things should go. Decorating the house is his favourite thing

14.  They are the unparalleled board-game kings. Somehow, they’re an unstoppable force of nature when paired together for them.

15.  Surprising everyone, Naoto is the more likely of the two to use pet names. They are the only person who won’t be threatened if they call him ‘Kan-chan’.

16.  Before it became common knowledge amongst Naoto’s fanclub that Kanji was their boyfriend, they thought he was their bodyguard. (The Risette fandom had the same idea)

17.  Kanji never helped that rumour die, considering that when the media tries to shove cameras into Naoto’s face, he yells obscenities and gets in the way until the footage is unusable.

18.  They have a daughter in 2025, when Naoto is 30 and Kanji is 29. She’s named Chihiro, mostly because it’s like a phonetic portmanteau of Kanji’s father’s name (Koichi Tatsumi) and Naoto’s grandfather’s (Yasuhiro Shirogane). But also, that was the name of the actor who played Naoto’s favourite version of Feather Swan. Naoto isn’t creative enough to come up with a portmanteau.

19.  They are each 80% of the other’s impulse control

20.  Naoto couldn’t care less that Kanji isn’t the brightest, despite common misconception. The Shirogane family, and the people who work for it, always placed emphasis on a person’s intelligence (hence Yu’s requirement for a lot of knowledge to start the Fortune link) but Naoto is strongly opposed to that mindset. To them, it’s freeing to have somebody around who doesn’t want to be an intellectual 95% of the time.

21.  They are very private when it comes to their relationship, to the point that sometimes even friends or colleagues have no idea what’s going on in their lives until it’s let slip somehow. When Junpei and Yukari – the Shadow Ops Naoto worked with the least - found out they were expecting, it first had to be explained to them that they’d been married for five years.

22.  They sometimes get mistaken for father and son at restaurants until their early thirties, to which point Naoto will make a scene of ordering a lot of alcohol to prove they’re old enough. Naoto can’t really handle booze.

23.  They’re really bad at making face to face announcements about anything big to their friends, so they always find some way to do it elaborately instead. They told the IT they were having a kid, for example, through a series of puzzles put together by Naoto

24.  Kanji loves making couples costumes and outfits, but then gets too embarrassed to wear them

25.  Naoto is a fiend for stealing Kanji’s clothes as pyjamas. They are large and warm, and when they’re travelling for work, they remind them of him. It got to the point where Kanji would pack a shirt of his secretly in Naoto’s suitcase, knowing that’s why his clothes always went missing.

[nyullm2020]

How to Crush Law School Exams as an LL.M.

Hello again!

It’s been a minute. I’ve just had a well-deserved break after finishing my finals, where I managed to get a bit of sun in Florida and Puerto Rico.

It’s been a running start into my final semester of the LL.M. - and I can’t quite believe how fast this has all gone. I have a lot of content ideas coming up about everything I will be doing this semester, including juggling my internship at the Brooklyn District Attorney’s office, a Research Assistantship with an NYU Law Professor, the March Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam (MPRE) for the Bar, a full load of classes, and job hunting/networking - but first things first. I wanted to reflect on last semester’s exams, final papers and overall grades, and think about what I did well, and what I would change!

What are American law school exams like?

I’ll start by giving you an idea of the format of exams to give you an idea of the general approach, and hopefully take away some of the anxieties you as a future LL.M. might have.

There is no uniform exam or grading type for each and every course. American law school professors have a lot of discretion about how they will structure and assess their courses - including what mode of exam you will take (multiple choice, short answers, long problem question responses, policy-based essays, etc), or a final paper, and whether and to what extent class participation counts toward the grade. My assessments ran the gamut. In one class, I had a group assignment worth 30%, a 5,000 word final paper worth 60%, and 10% class participation, and in two others my final exam was worth 100%, with the professor’s discretion to slightly boost your grade based on your overall participation and contribution to the class. My Constitutional Interpretation seminar was 50% class participation, and 50% based on regular pieces of written work we handed in, including a final paper of 2,000 words.

Exams typically last between 2-4 hours, while take-homes take 3-8 hours (I haven’t had a take-home yet, but I will have a 12 hour take-home this semester). We all took our exams from home with a special software (Exam4 or the law school’s own exam software, THESS). Both my exams this semester allowed students to use any notes they wanted, and you could access the internet as well. The main problem with doing that is running out of time! So creating an organized outline of your notes and brainstorming essay ideas ahead of time is pretty crucial.

How do Professors grade? And what is a good grade?

Professors seem to have pretty broad discretion when it comes to grading - and definitely so when I think about Australian law school professors, who grade ‘blindly’ and never know who is behind the student number unless they look it up later, or are awarding prizes for the top students. The possible grades at NYU range from an F to an A+, as follows:

A+, 4.333; A, 4.000; A-, 3.667; B+, 3.333; B, 3.000; B-, 2.667; C, 2.000; D, 1.000 and F, 0.000.

No more than 2% of students can get an A+ in a given class, with a target of 1%. I am proud to say I was the only A+ student in one of my classes - yay! A huge personal achievement for me, and so I will brag a little here because I don’t want to be lame and brag in real life!

About 10% of people get As, and another 20% get A-s, and about 26% of people get B grades (B+, B, or B-). B- and C grades are actually pretty rare, so in all likelihood you will likely end up with an A or B grade of some sort!

It’s kind of hard to work out what ‘good’ grades/a strong GPA are for job applications, but from what I’ve gleaned, in an ideal world you would have all A level grades, or maybe one B+. Personally, my grades were an A+, 2 A- grades and a B+. This gave me a GPA of around 3.8, which is definitely decent for job applications. 

Your chances to get the high grades will depend a big deal on your competition - in the core doctrinal courses (like Constitutional Law, Free Speech, Evidence, Corporations Law, and so on) and in classes of the really famous professors, JD competition is intense. I definitely didn’t make it easy for myself with my classes, and I was usually the only, or one of two, LLMs, along with pretty ambitious JDs (often from elite undergrad schools) aiming for judicial clerkships or other prestigious jobs. Many LLMs have usually been working hard enough back home, and work hard enough to get decent grades, but leave enough time to relax and enjoy themselves. I would say my approach was mixed - I knew I needed to work hard enough to get good grades to make me a strong candidate for job applications in the US, but I also had plenty of fun. 😄 Just less fun around exam time!

On reflection, my top tips for doing well in your classes and exams would be:

1) Play to your strengths

At the time you select your classes, you’ll be able to see what the format of the assessment is - long paper, exam, practical assessments (like in a clinic or simulation course), etc. My top advice would be to think about your strengths when picking classes. 

I have always been much better at hand-in assignments, and my one A+ grade was from handing in a long paper. My lowest grade (a B+) was from a very time-pressured exam that I wasn’t happy with how I handled the timing. So - if you know you are much better at one type of assessment, make sure you are considering this when picking classes to pave the way for great grades, especially if you are relying on your grades for finding a new job or for a JSD application.

2) Understand your professor’s idiosyncratic preferences

When it comes to law school exams, the key to succeeding is really knowing who’s grading them. Some professors prefer you to be ‘quick and dirty’ and to really jump into the key issues and answers, while others prefer a more formalistic recitation of the rules and then a close application of the rules to the facts. Pay attention to how they explain what they want, pore over any model answers and exam keys they give you, be familiar with the way they write problems, and ideally hunt down past students’ papers with comments or overall feedback from the professor (if you know anyone that took the class before).

3) Make study enjoyable and social

Even in these COVID times, I really benefited from spending time at the library studying with LL.M. friends, and broke up study sessions with coffee hangs, lunches, and going to see the Christmas lights. Your friends will keep you sane and motivated, so don’t hide yourself away for the whole month or more!

Friends! A well-deserved dinner break in December a week or two before finals.

4) Argue both sides of legal issues you spot

This is something that is really emphasized by NYU professors. A good lawyer can, when identifying a legal issue, show how it is a weak point in a plaintiff’s claim or in a defendant’s defense, and then demonstrate how both sides could argue their case. The best answers don’t ‘fence sit’, but come to a reasoned judgment/prediction about which side of the argument is stronger.

5) Be precise and concise

You should try not to include unrelated material in your answer as this could backfire if your professor believes you struggle to separate relevant material from irrelevant material. One of my professors was clear ahead of time and said he did not appreciate an ‘info dump’ and graded accordingly, but I think this is true of all professors.

6) Be *really* aware of your timing

I can’t stress this enough. Effective time management is imperative on law school exams. My Evidence exam was so unbelievably time-pressured (27 short-answer questions in 3 hours = less than 7 minutes per question to read a few sentences-long question and answer it), and I did not handle this as well as I could have, affecting my grade. Make sure to be really aware of this and try to be strict with yourself so you don’t leave any questions untouched.

7) Remember public policy concerns

After applying the legal rules to the issues presented in your fact pattern, if time allows, include a sentence or two about the policy implications of your conclusions, or how your chosen approach fits best with the policy rationale underpinning the legal rule. This is something that is valued more in US law schools than my law school back home. Not critical, but definitely something that could boost your grade a little!

8) Just try your best, and don’t be too hard on yourself

We have all worked hard to be here, and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. English might not be your first language, you might struggle with exams, or it might just not be the best day you’ve ever had. If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of either not understanding the issues presented in a question, or not remembering the rules related to such issues, just do your best to write the best possible answer in the time limit. 

Good luck, and let me know if you have any questions!

[peonyneko]

Dodge This! | Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

| Prompt:  Reader and Katsuki are the last two surviving players during dodgeball

Going above and beyond for a mere school game isn’t something that is common. Whether you win or lose, the game is just a game, right? Well, trying telling that to the competitive bunch at U.A High School. The last duo standing? Katsuki Bakugou was definitely expected. But you? Completely capable but definitely not expected. Are you going to dodge this or lose?

| Warning: Violence but not really, and cursing. Mentions of falling to the ground from a slightly high height (if that possibly triggers anyone).

| Word Count: 4,000+ (Sorry!)

Reader’s Quirk: Air Manipulation

How it works: Using their body and the air around them, the user is able to pretty much use the element to their advantage. For example, they are able to create winds, levitate, fly, and so on.

Drawback: Overuse can make them dizzy and breathless. User can pass out from exerting more than their body can handle. The manipulation can prove to be fatal for the user and/or others if the actions are not carefully handled. 

-----

This was it. No one expected this to be the final line up. Katsuki versus Izuku? Highly expected. Katsuki versus Shouto? Also very expected. That, however, was definitely not the case, right now.

“Alright, the showdown that determines which team wins. Bakugou Katsuki against L/n F/n,” Mr.Aizawa calmly spoke. Cheers can be heard throughout the entire gym. No one in the class thought this is what the last round would be. 

“I’m about to absolutely destroy your chance to win,” Katsuki snarled, tiny sparks emitted from his hand.

“For fuck’s sake,” I mumbled. How on Earth did I not get hit? I fought as best as I could but to survive to the last round was surprising. 

“What did you say?” his brows were furrowed. The pair of red eyes were set on me, displaying a certain emotion. Not anger, but rather immense excitement to win. I shook my head in return.

“Good luck! Win for us, y/n!” Mina yelled from the gym bench. I turned around and offered a small, hesitant smile.

“We’re counting on you, Katsuki!” Denki called out waving his hand in the air.

I noticed how empty the rectangle was. No one besides Katsuki and I were standing. Everyone was out. As if it weren’t obvious already, it hit me. Oh no. I’m alone fighting this lunatic. A lunatic that I had an odd fondness for.

Why did it come down to this? Why did it have to end up with only him and me?

-EARLIER-

“Okay, class. Settle down. As usual, you are free to use your quirk. However, be aware that this is not a life and death situation. Do not to harm one another for any reason other than what is appropriate for the game, otherwise, you will be eliminated. The assignment will be graded based on participation. You all will be split between the two groups. For the assignment, the losing team will get 50 points while the winning team will get 100 points,” Mr. Aizawa looked tired, as usual. Hmm... I did hear that he stayed up trying to prepare papers for a future assignment. The class was quite excited because it has been a while since we got to do these activities. As usual, we wore our hero attire to use our powers to the best of our abilities. I sigh as I pull up my pants for the ninth time.

“Heck, yeah!” Denki yells out startling a few others around him. 

“Group A will be on the right side of the line. Group B will be on the left side. After you hear your name, go stand on the correct side,” Mr. Aizawa pointed at the middle of the humongous gym.

“Group A consists of Bakugou, Iida, Asui, Ojiro, Koda, Tokoyami, Shoji, Kagakure, Yaoyorozu, Aoyama, and Kaminari. Group B consists of Midoriya, L/N, Todoroki, Sero, Jiro, Sato, Mineta, Ashido, Kirishima, and Uraraka,” chattering can be heard throughout the gym. Both groups motivated to defeat the other.

“Damn, looks like I’m an enemy this time, huh?” Eijiro smiles towards Katsuki, only to ‘tch’ in return. Hm, now that I think about it. Eijiro and Katsuki rarely worked against each other.

“Don’t expect me to hold back,” he replied glaring at the entire opposing group.

“Oh, I forgot to mention,” the class settled down after hearing the teacher’s voice once again.

“There will be two rounds. The first round will be a normal group effort. However, the second round is one on one. The second round will only begin once each group has a single surviving player,” as soon as those few sentences left Mr. Aizawa's mouth, many were left confused. What are the chances of there only being one on each team?

“You must be wondering, how that is possible, right?” the class collective nods in return.

“Well, there are chances of two or more against one. I am taking that into account. In those situations, to make the game easier, I’ve decided that any balls that hit the single player competing against two or more players will not be counted. Does that make sense?” Mr. Aizawa tried to make the instructions as short and clear as possible.

“Also, the last person to survive in each group receives an extra 50 points. In short, you should play to survive until the last round,” those two sentences were enough to make everyone consider their teams as individuals to defeat, indirectly that is. 

Both groups had a new goal: save your group but with the intention to survive until the end.

Mr.Aizawa turned around to sit on the lowest bleacher row. He should take this time to sleep but I’m pretty sure he needs to monitor us. Once again, I  reach down to pull up my pants.

“Ha, I’m gonna beat every single one of you until I’m the last to stand in here,” Katsuki challenged, pointing at the rectangle we all stood in. 

“We’ll see about that,” Shouto responded, already preparing ice on his hand.

“Y/n!” Izuku called out with his left hand in the air. A hum leaves my mouth to indicate I’m paying attention.

“I hope this doesn’t sound too weird but I noticed you were having difficultly with your pants earlier. Are they a size too big?” he questions.

“Oh, yeah. I grabbed the wrong pair in a hurry. These are from the very first design so the size is incorrect,” I sigh. It’ll be hard to focus on the game if my pants keep slipping. 

Izuku mumbled a little to himself before walking up to Momo on the opposite side. A small conversation continues between the two before Momo hands him a black object. Is that a-

“Here! Momo was able to create a belt for you!” he cheerily claimed.

“I... Thank you! You didn’t have to do that,” the belt lands in my hand. Rather than a normal belt, it was a long cloth-like belt that I’m able to tie down to adjust to my waist. Good thinking, Momo. 

“Not a problem at all. It’d be hard to have fun if you had to focus on your pant uh... not falling. Since the experience counts, none of us should hesitate to move because of our outfit,” I smile at his kindness. Managing to gain Momo’s attention, I mouth a ‘thank you’ to which she happily nods.

“Deku! Quit playing around before the game even starts!” small explosions could be heard blasting out of Katsuki’s hands. 

“Huh?” both Izuku and I claimed while we turned around to face him.

“Oh, I know. I wasn’t playing around Kacchan,” Izuku looked at him with determined eyes.

“Don’t expect me to hold back,” he continued. I could feel the energy running coursing his veins.

“You better not,” Katsuki turned his back to us before walking off. 

“Quiet down. When I say go, you all are free to start,” Mr. Aizawa was sitting on the bench

“Ready? 3, 2, 1...”

 “... Go,” Aizawa signaled the start of this round.

“Fucking die,” the glowing heat barely grazes my pants. I was stunned. One more foot and it could’ve burnt off. My pant isn’t fireproof like the rest of my outfit. I didn’t even get the chance to think before a ball flies towards my chest. I duck down while simultaneously grabbing the nearest red ball. Quickly! Think. Think! 

I raise my arm launching the ball in the air. It lands about a foot from the left corner of the rectangle. Hm...

“Damn it. I missed,” I somewhat halfheartedly whined. Please work...

“Are you even trying?! Of course, you’ll miss if you throw it like that,” he flings another ball at me. However, this time it was on blazing with fire. Oh, heck no. 

A grunt leaves my lips as I reverse the ball towards him. The gust of wind spirals the fire in the air. He easily dodges it with a light explosion. I levitate, with the air underneath me to support my feet. My ground wasn’t too far beneath me. My body standing two feet above the flooring. I pull five spheres towards myself before looking at where Katsuki was standing. This definitely won’t be easy. But I am not willing to lose. Easy. Don’t lose it. Concentrate.

I take a deep breath and launch two near his leg. One barely grazing him while the other was far left.

“Missed!” he snickered. Yeah, I missed. I looked down. An aimed look of disappointed pasted onto my face. 

“Don’t be sad! You can do this!” Eijiro shouted from the bleachers with his toughened fist. As soon as I smile back at him, a red object zooms past my vision. I flinch back at the quick action.

“Focus. I want to win this with your full effort involved,” he looks straight up into my eyes. Is it that seriou- Well, yeah... It is. 

“Same here, dude,” I respond while controlling the levitating spheres in the air. Not giving him the chance to pick up any more balls, I push the remaining three of mine towards his way. One floats past the left shoulder. Another flies above his head. The third paces beside his left knee.

“Missed again, floaty,” a chuckle leaves his lips. Floaty? Floaty??

A visible sign of confusion plants on my face. My eyes don’t leave the balls on the palm of his hands. 

“I manipulate the air. Floating comes with it for free,” I swing to the left, avoiding the pair he aimed at my shoulder.

“Aimed too slow. Missed me,” I managed to return his words at him.

“Tsk. Not for too long,” both his arms rise. Two explosions take place, surrounding almost all exits possible. The heat fills up around me, leaving me in a vulnerable spot. I can’t see him or anything else.  Look for an exit, dummy. There! For all I know, Katsuki could be waiting for me to get out to hit me out. However, I’ll regret not getting out when I had the chance. I lift off the ground, quickly flying out the right top patch that had a closing hole. Not making it entirely on time, my bottom right leg catches on fire. I place myself back on the ground, hissing as I feel the burning heat.

I blow the spreading fire away with small consecutive winds. The burnt cloth scent fills the area. My right leg is now visible. My pants are burnt an inch beneath my knee along with a section of the belt. Luckily, it did not fall apart. Not wanting to distract myself, my eyes search for the blonde boy. My attention sets on where Katsuki was standing - slightly ahead of the middle of his portion of the rectangle. Not yet. 

“Try not to expose my lower body. I don’t want any comments from the guys. You know the ones I’m talking about,” I grabbed two balls with my hands and fling them at the blonde male. Hm. It’s okay. Continue.

“Idiot, you keep aiming too far away. Are you even trying to win? And I’m not a pervert, you know,” he angrily shoots out another ball encased in fire. My fingers rush to gain control of it. It flies past the middle line and glides far from him, landing at the right corner of the rectangle.

“Dammit. I am trying. You’re fast so the aims miss.”

“And I know that you aren’t,” I bend my knees to lower myself but didn’t properly grab another ball while talking.

Noticing my mistake, Katsuki grins and throws the ball in his hand towards me with bare brute strength. My eyes widen in shock but I crawled backward from my position. The ball soars straight past where my figure previously was. If I stayed there, I would have crashed flat onto the ground. My heart hammers against my chest at how close and dangerously fast that was. A furious grunt escapes from his mouth.

Pushing myself up, I lift off the floor to place myself higher than him. The cool air brushes against my body. It felt incredible after the amount of physically exhausting actions taken.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” he smirks before aiming three consecutive red balls at my leg. Luckily, my reflexes kicked in quickly enough. I successfully lift myself above all three aims. To avoid any contact I jump higher and higher in the air. To avoid any misses he fires faster and faster. Both of us were ready to fight it out till the end. The same actions of rising and aiming continued a little longer for our separate benefit. It might be a mere game but that’s why it’s fun to make it crazy, right?

Similar to the beginning, I rise five balls and place them near me in the air. I blast all quintet of them in a spiral. Katsuki blasts himself to the right, easily skipping away from every single one. I groan, disappointed at the scene.

“Take this!” he sneers loudly boosting himself in the air and blasting the same amount of ball at my chest. I rise higher to the far right, setting another significant distance from the floor and I. Focusing too much on my placement, I barely noticed the four blazing red spheres heading towards me.

Before I can gain control of another proper footing, a second of dizziness blurs my vision. A gush of wind tickled my body. My body felt heavier and the ceiling looked further away. A single shout of my name from a familiar voice enters my ears. Katsuki? It was a beautifully scary few seconds of excitement. Sadly, it didn’t last long enough for me to catch myself. I harshly dropped down 10 feet onto the floor. Thud! A short scream emits my throat. My voice echoes throughout the wide room. Everything stilled for a second. Katsuki, the class, and Mr.Aizawa frozen at my sprawled body.

The class collectively shouts my name, shocked at my dangerous fall.

“Do we need to stop here?” Mr.Aizawa called out, sounding slightly worried about any broken bones. 

“No!” I hastily grunt out. Painful thumps course through my body. Luckily, I don’t feel any actual damage. 

“I’m fine. Just lost my step there,” jumping back onto my feet I prepared myself for the hectic game.

“You good there?” Katsuki looked serious. The pair of red eyes bored right into my figure. Was it at the game or my fall? Nope, that’s just him. I nod to reassure my safety.

“There were many horrible falls I’ve experienced. This is just an addition to my collection.”

After rolling my shoulders, I reach out for the red ball to my side. For now, I need to take a break from my quirk. Otherwise, it’ll be hard to complete important movements.

“Alright then, get ready,” sparks form on his hands as he rises above me. Once again, he blinds my field of vision with an explosion. I turn my head, my arms in front of me, trying to avoid. Not wanting any surprise hits, I ran randomly on my side of the rectangle.

“Running is the only choice, huh?”

He looks down at me, setting a fiery explosion in front of me while simultaneously hurling a ball at me. His entrapment was almost successful. I step forward, my back inches away from striking me. Running back and away from the blaze, I sling the ball at his legs. It flies between his legs, landing a few feet behind him. 

Setting himself down, he grabs another ball and blasts it towards me at high speed. I flinched and sway to the side. With a successful attempt in grabbing the nearest rubber ball, I project it on his right side. This is fine. This is enough. Right?

At this point, I stopped running and tried to catch my breath. My arms bent and my hands resting above my knees. It’s only been 15 minutes yet it felt like an hour.

“What? Tired?” he mocked on his feet.

“No, not really,” I was on-guard, prepared to dodge anything that comes my way.

“But you might be,” my smile causes him to frown in confusion.

Ignoring my words, he blasts fire with his right arm. A hiss leaves my lips as I feel the intense heat, especially near my naked leg. I step further away from the middle boundary that separates us. Katsuki foolishly steps forward, ready to shoot continuous pockets of blazing rubber balls. This is it. He is where I wanted him. One foot closer to the middle line could’ve made this easier but this is good. A small chuckle left my lips. I’ve been waiting for you to stand there, Katsuki.

I raise my arms, quietly raising all the balls I’ve purposely landed on all sides of the rectangle. Each attacked I “missed” was made to fool. To fool everyone so even Katsuki ignored the fact that there were seventeen balls placed behind him in various positions. My silent trap to capture the fuming dragon.

Admittedly, this could’ve flopped immediately if there weren’t so many balls surrounding me. I made sure to leave many of them around me so my actions weren’t obvious. Luckily, my acts of disappointment from “missing” seemed to have helped.

Once again, I float into the air creating further distance between the two of us. A safety step to ensure I do not get blasted and knocked out by any explosions. My vision was clear, all the red balls were where I can see them. All positioned pretty much where I wanted them. 

“Great game, Katsuki!” I say. Our expressions begin to contrast a great amount. My face shows satisfaction, delight, and hopefulness. Katsuki’s face shows confusion, frustration, and fury.

Lifting a spare single ball near his side, I rapidly tug the ball towards him. He swiftly turns sideways blasting at the decoy. I smile at the false trap I placed him in. Luring him in, grabbing his attention away from the official entrapment, and then closing all possible exits. That’s how I wanted to beat the strong and intelligent male in front of me.

“Got ya,” this time I actually lift all seventeen balls into the air. Some high in the air and some low to the ground. Some close by and some far to the sides. A surge of energy, nervousness, and excitement travels through my veins. My heart beating rapidly, wishing this trick successfully works. The fuming dragon stepped into the snare himself, not acknowledging that I had the rope in my hand the entire time.

“Sorry!” I shout out, once again grabbing his attention. 

“Try and dodge this!”

As soon as I reach my hand out, grabbing “strings” in the air, realization strikes him. It strikes him a second too late. One by one, hit by hit, the red spheres crash onto his figure. Hitting his shoulders, arms, legs, back, and sides. Thumps of the fallen balls echo throughout the room. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump... Thump... Thump. The last red ball stops bouncing and that was it.

Silence. 

No one speaks.

I felt breathless from the successful mission. Eye widened at the red spheres on the ground surrounding his body. I felt breathless at his intense red gaze. Surprise builds upon my face. It... It worked. Wait. Did I win? 

“Y/n! You did it!” Izuku was the first to shout out in victory. His eyes gleaming with happiness. The rest of my group shouts out in glory. Rising from their seats, they make their way towards me.

“We won? You all, we won,” I tell them, shocked. It worked?

I quickly look at Mr.Aizawa, wanting to know it was a guaranteed win.

“Y/n representing Group B wins,” he calls out. Groans from the other team contrast the cheers of mine. 

Mina and Kyoka tackle me into a hug, congratulating me on the group’s win, along with my win. It felt amazing to win. Especially winning against someone as strong and capable as Katsuki, it felt as if I were the luckiest person on Earth.

“I didn’t realize you had that plan up your sleeve until I noticed the placement of the balls. You even acted sad every time you’d miss so many of us got worried,” Izuku looked at me with his green sparkling eyes. Hm. I wonder who would’ve won if Izuku and Katsuki were to battle.

“Yeah, I decided to go with it shortly after the game started. I didn’t know what else to do so I took my chance. Didn’t think it would actually work though,” a small embarrassed chuckle.

“It’s good that you went along with your plan. It did work out and that’s what matters,” Shouto spoke out, standing behind the Izuku. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I smile at his comment. Our small celebration and conversation were cut short when Mr.Aizawa raised his hand to gain our attention. 

“Everyone, go back to class. There are 15 minutes left but I have been called by the principal,” Mr.Aizawa said before heading out the door. 

I turn around, looking for Katsuki but couldn’t find him. Is he okay? I hope it didn’t hurt him. Then, I managed to see Katsuki running after the teacher. Since we have lunch after this, I’ll try to check on him then. After all, we do sit a table or two away from each other.

The class slowly walks back to the room. Speaking away about the extreme and we just played. It was a basic participation grade, so none of us lost.  

“Hey.” I turn back at the familiar voice. He was standing with his hand in his pocket.

“I asked Mr.Aizawa for permission to go to Recovery Girl. Follow me.”

“Huh? Why?” I was confused at the sudden requirement.

“You really don’t notice your bruises and the blood on your back?” he asked. I realized what he meant right when I touch my back. I hiss on impact, feeling the bruise and possible wound that could have formed from the fall.

“Oh, I guess the adrenaline got to me.”

He starts walking towards the nursing room and I tag along with him. A slightly awkward silence roams around us as we enter the destination.

“Are you okay?” he lifts his eyebrow at my question.

“Of course, I am. Other than the bruise I gave myself, the balls were completely harmless.” 

“Oh, okay. That’s good,” I felt relieved to hear that he didn’t get any major injury.

+

“I don’t know how many times I’ve told you this but be careful when you’re floating at a great height. So far, you didn’t get any major injuries. I can heal you as much as I can but you’ll have to learn to quickly re-activate your quirk when falling from blur and dizziness. It’s hard but once you learn that, you definitely will have another advantage to count on,” Recovery Girl hands me a pack of ice for my back. Sliding off the bed, Katsuki and I get ready to leave for lunch.

“Well, you’re both good to go. You’ll feel tired so make sure you get enough sleep today,” we both nod and thank her as we exit the door.

Katsuki walks next to me. Both of us were the only ones in the hallway. I turn my head to look at him. He looks back at me.

“Next time, if we play the game and you and I are left. Come at me with all you’ve got. I know I’ll beat you,” he grins.

“I was just lucky, this time,” I shrug. He frowns at my comment and halts.

“Bullshit. I’m not saying this to make you happy. You went along with a plan that suited your quirk and won. That’s that. If it was sheer luck, you wouldn’t have worked hard to make it work,” his words felt heavy and helpful.

“And besides, I already know I would win if it came to a real battle. Until then, keep improving, floaty. If you’re unhappy with the results, keep working. Though, I’ll keep rising so don’t think you’ll win against me.”

“O-oh. Well, thanks. I didn’t think you’d uh say that to me,” I respond. My neck felt hot from embarrassment. I hope nothing is noticeable.

“I didn’t have a big place to practice until I came here and moved into the dorms,“ Katsuki was attentively listening to what I had to say. I still felt nervous at his gaze but tried to compose myself.

“Well, practice and practice as much as you’d like. You’re trying to be a hero for a reason, right? You can’t count on luck to save people. You have to count on yourself,” he starts walking again.

“I know. Now, I’m practicing as much as I can. Whenever I can. Being a hero comes with a dangerous cost but you’ll just have to go for it. Save as many as you can. Save anyone who looks for help,” I say, unknowingly walking ahead of Katsuki.

“Oi!” he shouts and I turn around. He had a wild look on his face.

“Dodge this,” my eyes widen in confusion at the small ball in his hand. How? Where did he get that from?

“Wha-gh,” a weird sound leaves my throat as I bend down. My hand sticks out, stopping the ball mid-air. Deactivating the stop, the ball falls onto my hand.

“To improve your quirk’s re-activation, you’ll have to stay in the air longer, right?” I nod at his question.

“Well, practice that throughout the day. Try throwing a ball into the air, stop it in mid-air, fly after it, and continue that process while floating. This trick could be helpful when saving many people,” his voice sounded calm and soothing.

“Oh, thanks for the idea! But the only downside is possible injuries. I don’t want to break any bones. And I don’t have a trampoline or something soft to catch me,” I was slightly lost in thought before a small idea hits me.

“Um, if you don’t mind. Can you practice with me at times?” he only looked at me in return. I begin to panic a little bit.

“Well, you don’t have to. It’s just you have very quick reflexes and what not so it’ll be helpful for me. And-” before I can continue he cuts me off.

“Fine.”

“Huh?”

“Do I need to repeat myself?” I shake my head, my mind shocked that he agreed.

“Alright, come on. I don’t want to miss lunch because you’re taking too long to walk,” he walks faster than before. I scramble on my feet trying to catch up. 

+

Before you knew it, you both began practicing together. Before you knew it, you fell harder for him.

Before he knew it, you both began walking together. Before he knew it, he fell for you.

But now you both secretly knew it, you’ve fallen for each other.

-----

This is the first post on my writing blog. How is it? Is there anything you recommend or want me to improve on? 

[girlmeetsliv3]

Used to Disappointment

@saxpam24 requested: nerd yandere au. Like the yandere is the one at the top of the class and the OC has the lowest grades, and how he manipulates her with that.

A/N: Hope you enjoy it. I had a lot of fun diving into it. Strap in cause its a doozy.

Trigger Warning: The following story contains mentions of manipulation and abusive acts. The behavior and mindset of the characters in this will be incredibly yandere and toxic. This is a work of fiction and doesn’t represent the character of bangtan sonyeondan. Enjoy ~~~

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           You were used to disappointment. It was the same expression you had been given whenever you went on a date, tried to make friends, or socialize as a normal human would. It was the expression your professor was wearing and you could swear on your life that the moment your mother had given birth to you, she’d worn that same expression - maybe that’s why she gave you up. “I must say [Y/n] [Y/l/n], I am disappointed. I expected more from you.” As if. It took all your will power not to roll your eyes or burst the undeniable dam that was building behind your eyelids, but you would be damned if you gave him that satisfaction. From the corner of your eye, something caught your attention: Kim Namjoon was seated towards the corner of the room filing tests and grading papers, doing every professors job for them, you often wondered why he did it but assumed he was that overachieving. “Mr. Lee I-” Your professor held his wrinkled and calloused hand up to interrupt you. Namjoon glancing up from his work to pay attention to the show being put on by the two of you. “I’ve heard the story time and time again. Really child if you are that dense then simply get a tutor.” Even though you hated the way he spoke to you, the professor wasn’t wrong. Getting a tutor wasn’t something you hadn’t considered or looked into, but there was a problem. “I can’t afford one.” No hint of surprise passed through the elderly man’s face, can’t say you expected it. Not only were you the bottom of the class, but you were also the bottom of the food chain in the high school hierarchy. Even the stoners or criminals ranked higher because at least they didn’t struggle to get food on the table.

           “Well, then I will ask one of the students to consider tutoring you for extra credit. That way it is beneficial to you both.” You knew who he was talking about before he even spoke his name, “Namjoon would you be kind enough to help y/n out, so at the very least she can graduate.” If it wasn’t for the condensing tone or who he asked you would’ve been thrilled, but the moment you saw the bastard rise from the chair and give his dimpled smile you knew exactly what you were in for. “I would love to. It would look exemplary on my transcript.” Look at him using twenty-five cent words. “Well, it's settled you begin tomorrow after class. You’re dismissed [Y/n].” It wasn’t that Namjoon was a bad person. He was simply a highly attractive and highly intelligent individual who was entirely aware of both those things; meaning he was an ass. A smart ass that could help you graduate, but an ass nonetheless. You decided to wait outside the classroom until he got out, so the two of you could arrange things for the tutoring session you told yourself. In reality, the longer he took the more you could avoid going home.

           “I thought you’d left.” His deep voice drawing you out of your thoughts. His gaze was harsh and in his eyes, you knew that he was only doing this out of necessity, not want. “Just wanted to go over what we’re going to do tomorrow. You know where to meet and stuff.” Your voice trailed off, you weren’t the best at speaking. Not to mention the embarrassment of what he had been witness to was still fresh in his mind. “You waited for two hours just for that?” It could have been your mind playing tricks on you, but you sensed some disappointment in his words. “What else could I have been waiting for?” You smiled sheepishly, the awkwardness of the situation only making your anxiety worse. Namjoon groaned and rolled his eyes, “Nevermind. Tomorrow at three, my house I’ll test you the details.” Then he walked off without giving you time to dwell on what he’d just said. “Thanks, I guess,” you muttered, turning to walk the opposite direction. How did he even get my number?

           “The class president? I didn’t know the two of you were close.” Your aunt asked munching rather obnoxiously on the stale fried chicken. “We aren’t. He’s doing it to put it on his transcript and for extra credit.” You pouted, twirling the plastic fork in your hand having no appetite tonight. “Still. Maybe you can seduce him and he’ll get us out of here. Isn’t he the chairman’s son?! Oh, imagine the things we could buy if you became his girlfriend. Or better yet what if the two of you got married?!” She rambled on lost to her daydreams. Your aunt was the type of woman who believed a woman’s only role in life was to be pretty, get married, pop out a few kids, and wreck your husband’s bank account. She liked to say she was born in the wrong generation, but mainly she talked about how much better her life could be. When she reached for the liquor bottles underneath the kitchen cabinet, she expressed how much better her life would have been if she wasn’t forced to take care of you. The woman would cry for hours and hours about what a disappointment she had turned out to be. You despised yet sympathized with her for it. “I don’t know Auntie. It’s just stuff for school. Plus guys don’t look at me like that.” You tugged your bottom lip in between your teeth, biting down on it. “Darling he doesn’t have to fall in love with you, he just needs to fuck you long enough where he becomes attached.” Laughter bellowing out from her, a small piece of chicken landing on the table. With that, you excused yourself and went to bed.

           The look of surprise on Namjoon’s face when he saw you and his attire was enough to tell you he didn’t think you’d show up. It felt a little nice if you were honest. Seeing the always stoic man lose his cool even if it only lasted a second, “Let’s go up to the library. Figured we should start with science considering that’s what you failed last and work our way through every subject till Math.” He spoke bluntly, yet his words cut right through you. Preferring to save grace you opted not to speak and only followed him around the palace-like house. It seems like it would be so easy to get lost here. “It is if you’re not careful.” Blood rushed to your face when you realized you’d spoken your thoughts. The library was on the second floor, second to the last door in the long hallway. “What’s that door lead to?” You gestured to the rustic oak that towered over the two of you looking rather out of place in such a modern house. “Storage room.” Namjoon simply mumbled before dragging you over the threshold. You spent the next three hours having Namjoon rewire and reteach you everything you had ever known. It was exhausting and halfway through your brain had burned out, the only thing that kept your sanity was seeing Namjoon completely in the zone. Before you thought he was merely smart, but now you knew better: before you was a gifted man. Someone who would change the world, you only wished you were more deserving of the knowledge he imparted. “So that is how you identify the limit using the product rule. Are you okay?” The furrow in his brows brought you back from your daydreaming. “Sorry I think I’ve reached my limit.” He nodded but more towards himself than to you, “Well you should head home then. It’s getting late.”

           A large sigh of relief escaped your lips and you stood up and bowed slightly. “Thank you so much for your help. I’m sure I’ll pass the exams now.” You went to leave, but Namjoon wrapped his hands around your wrist tightly prohibiting you from moving. “You are coming back, right [Y/n]? I mean what does it matter if you pass the exams, but still don’t have enough credits to graduate? You do want to graduate, don’t you?” His words echoed in your head. You needed to graduate if you graduated you could leave town, go to college, get a job, leave her behind. The longer you waited to reply the tighter his grip became until it nearly cut off blood flow to your hand, you didn’t notice too used to pain. “All right. I’ll be back tomorrow.” You shrugged trying to act as if you weren’t about to spiral. “All right. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Namjoon smiled and released your wrist letting you walk away from him. It didn’t matter as you would soon be back. Soon.

           That “I’ll see you tomorrow” became a common phrase exchanged between the two of you. For the next couple of months, you spent every afternoon at Namjoon’s going over lessons, classwork, and exams. Eventually, the two of you simply began hanging out, having grown incredibly close to one another. It was a routine you didn’t want to brake: you laying on the floor of his bedroom next to him either watching a new film, jamming out to songs, or having pointless yet insightful conversations. It kept you from your old routine of wallowing in your own misery, failing classes, and seeing your aunt drink herself to oblivion. Going to bed hoping the next day would be different only to be met with disappointment. Now things were different - a good different. You were graduating tomorrow and would be moving out next week to a dorm room you managed to score due to financial aid. Your college entrance exams had been stellar only because of Mr.148 who forced you to sleepover for three days in order to properly cram. “...tomorrow.” You frowned, “What?” Namjoon only chuckled pulling you closer so you would be pressed against his side. “I said do you want me to join you and your aunt after graduation tomorrow? I know you’re dreading it.” It was true. Your aunt had mentioned that she had a very important individual to introduce you to after your graduation, stating the three of you would have dinner and that you should dress up. “Tell Namjoon to buy you a pretty dress. It’s the least he could do.” Had been her exact words, which you, of course, hadn’t shared. “I’d love that. I only hope it doesn’t go as bad as I think it will.”

           At that Namjoon scoffed, “You should be used to disappointment already. At least with her.” Once you divulged your less than perfect home life to Namjoon, he had wanted to help you. The man even offered to let you move into his home. He had been quite desperate about it, hounding you for days, but you managed to convince him somehow. “I know, but the last thing that dies is hope.” You gazed up into his dark eyes and saw how they glowed beautifully even in poor lighting. Namjoon leaned in and went to press his lips into yours, but you moved away last second. His face contorting to a pained expression before he masked it and kissed your forehead instead. There was another routine in your relationship: Namjoon constantly desiring to cross that line between friends and lovers. He demonstrated this through kisses, affectionate touches, and longing looks. It had been going on for a while without any reciprocation on your part. You had assumed he would grow used to disappointment as well. “It’s getting late. I should go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You quickly pecked his cheek before standing up and waving goodbye, walking out the door before he even managed to reply. “Bye [Y/n].”

             Your the excitement the next morning had been rather short-lived when the principal had called you to his office before the ceremony was to commence. “Sit down Mrs.[Y/l/n] there is some news I would like to share with you.” Was the words you were greeted with upon entering his office. You swallowed thickly and moved to sit in one of the leather seats in front of the large wooden desk. Before you could even question why you were called, the principal spoke. “It has been brought to my attention that the grades you have been receiving this past school year were incorrect.” You frowned tilting your head to the side with confusion but allowing him to continue. “It appears that no matter what your answers were on homework or exams, you were graded unfairly on purpose. We noticed this discrepancy when we compared your exams with others and found that you did well enough. Perhaps enough to merit some scholarships.” A single word was all you could muster out as you tried to wrap your head around the situation, “Why?” The man simply continued to express his laments and promised the professor had been fired and would be dealt with appropriately. None of it made any sense, your professor never seemed to have a vendetta against you, the man was too lazy to properly teach the class much less - the light coming from an open window gleamed off a picture hanging above the principal’s desk. The man stood with a professional smile on his face whilst he shook hands with the chairman. As you stared at the picture a realization came over you. “I’m sorry, but I have to head over to the ceremony.” You spoke numbly as tears began to conjure up in your ducts. “Of course. Enjoy your graduation and have a good life [Y/n].” The principal replied before you bolted out the door.

             Avoiding Kim Namjoon for the entirety of the ceremony had not proven an easy task, but you had managed to do it either way. Slipping away with your aunt to your small decrepit apartment before he had noticed. Currently, you were helping set the table as your aunt finished cooking. The mysterious guest set to arrive at any second and your aunt seemed over the moon. “You’ll see [Y/n] this is everything you’ve ever wanted. The answer to all our problems.” She hadn’t had a drop of alcohol tonight and that elated your mood even if just a bit. Who knew maybe things could go well this evening? That way you could forget about the betrayal you’d learned of. Maybe you could forget all about it and him as well? You should’ve known better. There was a harsh pounding on the door, the strength alone nearly causing it to fall off its hinges. Your aunt ushered to open it as you finished placing the plates on the table. It was the scream that had you whipping around to see Namjoon gripping your aunt by the throat, lifting the tiny woman off the ground by several feet. “Namjoon! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!” You screamed before running over to him and attempting to pry him off of her. Now up close you could see the blood that had soaked into his black suit. The specks across his neck and cheek. Most importantly you could see the insanity in his eyes.

           Refusing to let go of your aunt, he tightened his hold before speaking. “This bitch right here was trying to sell you off.” The words stunned you for a second, before the choking sounds of your aunt’s constricted airway forced you to try and draw them apart once more. You succeeded this time, placing yourself in between them. “Stop lying Namjoon. I know what you did. How you almost robbed me of my future all for what?” His eyes widened and his body began to shake, “You don’t understand. I didn’t rob you of anything. I gave it to you! Without me, you would’ve been some mediocre student who would’ve gone onto live some mediocre life.” He kept getting closer and closer to you and all you could do was cower in place. “You would have ended up exactly like her.” He pointed towards the sobbing figure that was your aunt. You knew his words weren’t true, just another means of manipulating you. “I trusted you Namjoon. Why? Why did you truly do it?”

           “Because I love you, [Y/n]. I hoped you could come to love me too with time.” Namjoon reached out to caress your cheek lovingly, but all you felt was disgust at who he was and the words he spoke. “Well, you should be used to disappointment.” You laughed cynically. Those were the last words you spoke before Namjoon tackled you to the ground. The screams of your aunt filling your ears before a hit to the head sent you into a dark abyss.

[imperium-romanum]

Welcome to 2019, everyone!

I spent the last week and a half at my family’s shack, enjoying the company of close family and friends, and Kali the #ClassicsCat, of course! I’m excited about the fresh start the New Year brings. 2018 was a difficult year for me personally. I haven’t talked about it on the blog because I prefer to focus on positives but as I prepare to face this New Year head on, I would like to reflect on some of the major hurdles that I had to overcome in 2018.

In January, my partner and I were forced to get a restraint order against my neighbour of six and a half years who became aggressive and threatening due to severe (suspected) drug-induced paranoia. We moved in with my parents while we went through the process to have the temporary restraint order confirmed. The restraint order was confirmed in February – a win – but we were not able to return to our unit. The local council, after 11 years of my parents owning the property, decided that our unit was not a legal dwelling. Bureaucracy at its finest.

During March and April, we fought the council for an explanation and started to try and resolve the problem. It seemed we were much more willing to work with them than they were to work with us, though. Shortly before the Easter break commenced my parents received a threatening letter from the council claiming that we were still living in the unit and that we would be fined approximately $20,000 AUD for the violation. This claim was blatantly false, but we still had to go through the process of overturning the impending fine.

We continued to try and solve the problem with our unit in May, but this was soon put on the back-burner when our cat, Kali, developed ketoacidosis due to undiagnosed diabetes. Within the space of 12 hours, she went from being her bright happy self to knocking on death’s door. She spent four days in constant care. I am forever grateful to my parents who paid for her care, which quickly tallied in the thousands. Without their compassion and love for her, we would have been forced to put her to sleep. I recieved many well-wishes during this time from followers, and I am thankful for the support and kindess you showed.

Left: Kali at AHVEC, weighing just 2.7kg. Right: Kali snuggling me and my fiance at a much healthier 4kg.

Kali's struggles weren't over, in June. She again visited the emergency vet hospital after getting into the bin, pulling out a wedged in chicken container, and eating the silicone absorbent pad while we were out for a half-hour at most. We still don’t know how she managed to do it! Thankfully it wasn’t serious in the end; she brought it all back up and suffered no consequences apart from all the dirty looks that my family gave her because of the panic she caused.

After a couple relatively quiet months, my fiancé’s family dog, Jess, also developed diabetes. She was not as lucky as Kali, however, and did not respond to treatment. Within weeks she went completely blind, among other problems. At only 9 years old, my fiancé’s parents were forced to make the difficult decision to put her to sleep. While I do not regret being there for them, it was the first time I had to deal with death in such a confronting way and it was a terrible reminder of how lucky Kali was to survive.

I hit perhaps my lowest ever point mental health-wise around this time. Although the semester was very rewarding, after such an intense period of balancing my personal life and commitments, PhD research, studying a language, and tutoring both academically and privately, I felt emotionally and mentally used up. The best way to describe how I functioned during this period is that I was on auto-pilot.

 Although 2018 was undeniably the most difficult year of my almost 26 years of life, there were plenty of positives too. In January I completed my Confirmation of Candidature, which involved presenting a 20-minute paper on my research topic. Then, in February, I was very lucky to upgrade my car by 12 years. Again, I am very grateful to my parents and very aware of how fortunate I am that they are willing and able to assist me financially, with work flexible enough to fit in with a PhD being so hard to come by.

I entered my second year of candidature in late February. It was a reasonably uneventful couple of months until, over two days, I gave two more presentations in May – one at Pint of History titled ‘Catastrophic Crassus: Parthia, #EpicFails, and the Death of Rome’s Richest Man’ and one at the Humanities Showcase at my university, titled ‘It Speaks! The Voice of the Door in the Roman Paraclausithyron’. 

I also secured a casual job at UConnect, UTAS’s student services. I had four weeks of nearly full-time work at the start of both semesters which allowed me to save enough money to get me through each semester.

In June, Kali’s glucose curve stabilised, much to ours and the vet’s relief; she has settled into diabetes life well ever since.

July was a month of firsts. I went to New Zealand for the first time and attended my first conference, Amphorae XII. At Amphorae XII, I presented my first conference paper, ‘Pompey’s Eastern Settlements: Considerations and Consequences’. I met some wonderful people, including some mutual followers! I also visited some of the sights, including the Auckland War Memorial Museum, Auckland Art Gallery, Hobbiton, and Hamilton Gardens.

When I returned from New Zealand, I enjoyed another four-week stint working for UConnect and, through the semester, I was also lucky to tutor the first years for HTC104: Introduction to Ancient Rome. This was my first time tutoring in an official capacity and I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

When September came around, I received the good news that my abstract had been accepted for ASCS40. My fiancé and I were also finally able to move out of my parents’ house and back into a place of our own. The situation with our unit is still up in the air, unfortunately, but it is moving slowly forward. Still, it’s important to appreciate the small milestones, so to celebrate our return to relative independence we established a small succulent garden in the back area and grew far too many tomato plants.

In November, I reached a major milestone in my PhD journey by completing the necessary coursework element (what UTAS calls a Graduate Certificate in Research) of my degree. As a result, I now have the equivalent of a minor in Latin on top of the Certificate itself. Imperium Romanum also reached its first anniversary!

Finally, in December, my fiancé and I spent many weekends at the family shack enjoying the blessedly warm weather that usually skips Tasmania. Over the Christmas-New Year break, I went to the beach a record three days in a row. Sometimes, you just need to enjoy the simple things.

And so I must turn my attention to 2019. This, like the years before, will be another big one. I’m venturing into the third year of my PhD candidature in late February and, with the GCR finished, I’m looking forward to devoting my time to research. I’ll be attending not one but (hopefully) two conferences this year. The first is ASCS40, 4 to 7 February, at the University of New England in Armidale. It’s now only 33 days away – my funding was approved in December and I’ve booked my flights, accommodation, and hire car. As with Amphorae XII, I’ll be live tweeting the conference and blogging about my adventures in Armidale, which I have not visited before. I’m also hoping to attend Roman Memory: Pacific Rim Roman Literature Seminar 33 in July at the University of Newcastle – I’ll keep you posted on that one.

To finish up, I have a few New Year’s Goals that I would like to share with you. I won’t call them resolutions as I find that term comes with a lot of negative connotations; I’m not solving problems nor do I need to ‘better’ myself. Instead, I want to focus on enjoying all aspects of my life, from the private sphere to the academic. 

 1. Read more fiction. 

I love reading, yet, over the last few years, I’ve noticed that I do very little reading simply for the pleasure of it. Because the last six years of my life have been so academically focused – having gone straight from a Bachelor to Honours to a PhD – I’ve spent so much time reading for university subjects and research that the thought of doing more reading, even fiction, is exhausting. I could probably count the number of new books I’ve read (that haven’t been set for a class) on my fingers. I’ve set myself the goal of reading two to three new fiction books every month – if I can read more, great!

 2. Do more activities.

Last year, I went on a fantastic one-day road trip with two friends to Freycinet National Park on Tasmania’s east coast. Then, through December, I enjoyed many more small adventures with my fiancé. Even though I’ve never been particularly fit, I’ve always enjoyed the outdoors. Now that I’m equipped with some top quality hiking boots, I want to get out more – do more bushwalking, walk more rugged and rocky coastlines, and explore more of Tasmania’s wilderness.

I also want to spend less time playing computer games (much as I enjoy them), and more time making things. I’m no artist, but I still love to create things. I’m going to start off by making a pom pom rug in my Harry Potter house colours – Ravenclaw – to go under my desk. I won’t be posting my creations of Imperium Romanum, but I will be posting about them on Instagram and Twitter for those who are interested.

 3. Participate in a ‘100 Days of Productivity’ challenge.

While I have a reputation for being a productive student with good grades, the truth is that I am a chronic procrastinator who happens to be very good at whipping up strong assignments last minute. Even outside of the academic sphere, I’m somewhat of a procrastinator, thanks in part to anxiety. So, while I will continue to bring you the latest Classics news, there will be some changes coming to Imperium Romanum as I turn more attention to the everyday realities of studying Classics and my experiences as a student. Life can often be overwhelming, and acknowledging this and finding a better way to tackle the day-to-day burdens before the month-to-month or the year-to-year is going to be a major focus for me. I think that a productivity challenge is an excellent way to do this. Starting January 3, I’ll be documenting my productive efforts via Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr. While I expect most of my days will be related to research, I have no doubt that the challenge will have a positive impact on my life outside of university.

  And with that, I’ll wrap up. To all my followers, old and new, I wish you a very happy and prosperous 2019. I hope you’ll share your adventures with me too, and I encourage you to share your New Years Goals – my ask box and submissions are always open!

~ Admin @sassy-cicero-says

[actualbird]

(wc: 2.8k. michael is the Sawi Best Friend . pining + pining + pining = pining. part 1. part 2. part 3. or read everything here on ao3)

The English Project Christine Crisis begins with Jeremy wordlessly sitting next to Michael during lunch, back stiff, face pale, looking a little bit like a gargoyle that just saw another, uglier gargoyle, before grabbing his bag and raptor screeching right into it.

“I have no idea what you’re doing or why you’re doing it, but honestly? Hard same,” Michael says, patting Jeremy’s back as his screeching slowly dies down into pained warbling. “Let it all out, buddy.”

“Mmmmmmrrr,” Jeremy says into his bag. He turns his head to face Michael, face creased from the bag, “Dude, do you ever feel like sometimes the universe is trying to be nice to you but it’s spent so long being a dick to you that everything is still kinda awful?”

“Uh,” Michael says. “I’m going to need a little bit more context.”

“Like, are you ever given a really, really good thing, but it’s the worst thing ever at the same time?”

“Okay, I catch your drift now,” Michael’s got the worst crush on his incredible best friend, so yeah, he gets it. Michael pats Jeremy’s head. “Wanna tell me what’s up?”

“Christine,” Jeremy sighs dreamily.

“Was she, like, extra cute in the hallway today or something?”

“She’s always cute in the hallway,” Jeremy says. “But uh, in English today, there’s this paper we’ve gotta write.”

“Uh huh.”

“And it’s by pair.”

“Alright.”

“And Christine was assigned as my partner,” he says, voice getting more urgent with each word.

“Well, that’s great news, isn’t it?” Michael grins, but Jeremy just looks like somebody just killed a bunny in front of him.

“It isn’t! I’m going to have to talk to her and spend time with her and stuff and it’ll be great but I’ll mess everything up because I always do,” He groans, burying his face back into his bag. Michael has to lean in to hear the rest of his muffled words. “How are people even supposed to function around people they like?”

Michael, expert at functioning around a person he likes, decides to be sympathetic. “Okay, first off? You don’t always mess everything up. That’s my best friend you’re talking about, so don’t be too hard on him,” he ruffles Jeremy’s hair. “It’ll be fine, okay? Just act like you normally do.”

“Anxious, tense, and weird?”

“Funny, sincere, and interesting,” Michael says, fingers threading through Jeremy’s hair. “A little awkward sometimes, but hey, who isn’t?”

“You’re my best friend, you’re practically contractually obligated to think all that,” he grumbles, but then he looks at Michael. “Thanks, though. Also, if you keep touching my hair like that, I’m gonna fall asleep.”

“Whoops,” Michael jerks his traitorous hand away. “So, uh, what’s project about?”

“The Tempest,” Jeremy answers, smiling a little bit. “Christine and I talked about it a little before class ended, and she was so excited, god it was so cute. It’s dumb, but I wish she’d get excited about me too.”

“Geez, dude, this project sure is going to be wild ride, huh? You just switched from dreamy lovey dovey to mega sawi in under a second.”Jeremy makes a questioning noise, one that Michael’s come to understand as Jeremy’s shortcut for what did that mean now that lately, Michael’s been speaking a bit more Filipino around him.

“Sawi literally means ‘unlucky’, in English, but lately it’s been kind of specific to describe people who are down in the dumps and shit when your love life is kind of crummy,” Michael explains.

“Why the hell does your language have so many fitting words about love?” and Jeremy’s face is back in his bag again.

“No idea, dude,” Michael sighs, wondering the exact same thing.

-

Here’s the thing about Jeremy:

He’s a big ball of nerves who’s anxious ninety percent of his waking life. He second guesses his second guesses and doubts as if he’s being paid good money to. He tries to hide it, but he’s bitter and pissed off about a lot of things in life like his parents or his social standing. Sometimes, even if he doesn’t mean it, he’s a bit of an asshole. The state of Jeremy’s self-esteem, based on what Michael’s seen, is akin to an on fire screaming garbage can that keeps setting itself back on fire every time Michael tries to put it out.

But he also wears these dumb cardigans that are really soft and often are too long, covering his hands til only his fingers peek out. He’s got a weird, adorable, wheezy laugh that’s a remnant of the asthma he grew out of when he turned eleven. He keeps a paperclip or two in his pockets all the time to give to Michael just in case Michael feels like he needs to fidget with something. He always remembers Michael’s birthday. His Filipino is atrocious, but he tries to speak words and phrases of it anyway.

The thing about Jeremy is that he’s pretty much the best person Michael knows.

-

heerefarwhereveryouare is calling…

“Coolest guy on the planet speaking, how may I help you?” Michael wedges his phone between his head and shoulder so he can continue to rinse plates with his hands. On the line, Jeremy lets out a very emotional screech. “Uh, buddy?”

“Are you busy right now?” Jeremy asks.

“Just dishes,” Michael grabs another plate. “What’s up? I thought you went to Christine’s place for the project?”

“Exactly! I mean, I’m home now, but, oh my god! I went to Christine’s house!”

“Ohhhh, I get it, this is call is going to be gushing about the whole experience, am I right?” Michael says fondly.

“No—I mean, yeah, but, you know.”

“It’s alright, Jer, you don’t have to justify it,” Michael thinks that if he actually had any other friends, he’d love to gush about Jeremy to them. Alas, he wasn’t as lucky. “Go for it.”

“For real?”

“It would be a privilege to have your sonorous voice wax poetic while I get sudsy with plates,” Michael tells him sincerely. “Unleash the raving dude. I am ready.”

“Okay, well,” Jeremy says. “Okay. Okay. I’ll start from the top. So like, she lives pretty nearby so we walk and it’s kind of awkward for a bit? I’m like, agh, fuck it, so I just say whatever the hell is on my mind and it turns out what that was was dolphins.”

“You fucking furry.”

“Says the guy who followed Meerkat Manor religiously,” Jeremy fires back with no hesitation. Michael has never been prouder of his boy. “There was a documentary about them on Animal Planet a few days ago focusing on their sonar powers so I just kind of blurt that out weirdly. I wanted to like, dive into a gutter and die, but then she just keeps asking about it? She got really interested in it. At one point, she makes this adorable dolphin noise, it was—” Jeremy makes a noise which Michael understands fully. Michael also feels very random noise over cute shit Jeremy does all the time.

“See? Being sincere works! Even if it’s about dolphins,” Michael laughs. “How’d the rest go?”

“Uh, well, we we’re productive, for most of it. We drafted what parts of the drama we wanted to expound on,” Jeremy sighs. “She’s really, really, smart Michael. I’m okay in English, but she’s a genius. She’s so passionate and perceptive about the themes and ironies present in the text. She’s a huge theatre kid and she’s super excited for the school play which is gonna have their sign ups soon. Dude, if she signs up, I will too.”

“Nice!” He smiles. “I’m loving the confidence!”

“Yeah, I—She’s just really confident with herself so she makes me want to try to, if that makes sense?”

“Of course it does. I’m glad she’s bringing this out in you, man.”

“I am too,” Jeremy sighs, ridiculously fond. It’s a soft sound, but it echoes in Michael’s head, bouncing off the walls of his brain, clattering around, causing all kinds of shit like aches in his chest or a hunch to his back. Oh, how he wishes. He wishes, real bad.

“Michael? Michael, you still there?” Jeremy voice brings him back. Right. Rinsing a plate and on the phone with a boy who’s got no idea.

“Yeah, still here, dude,” Michael says. “Just zoned out a bit. You know how I get with the dishes. All the soap gets really existential.”

Jeremy snorts, “Whatever you say, man. Listen, I’ve gotta go. I promised Christine I’d message her the google doc link to what we made today. Thanks for listening, Michael! You’re the greatest.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Michael dries his hands. “Good night, dude.”

“Night!” and Jeremy hangs up.

Michael takes a deep breath. Then another. And another. He runs a hand down his face and thinks, fuck. Michael is happy. He’s gotta be happy. His best friend is actually interacting with the girl he’s crushing on, so Michael is over the moon. But the tight feeling in his throat stubbornly says otherwise.

Sawi doesn’t even begin to describe whatever this is now.

-

Here’s the thing about Michael:

His head is a cluttered mess that goes eighty eight miles per hour basically every second, but never in any useful direction. He likes obscure stuff that not many other people can relate to. He gets that sometimes he speaks too fast or is too loud or generally just is too much, but doesn’t know how to tone himself down. He’s weird and uncool but he’s also aware that there’s honestly nothing wrong with that as long as he’s having fun. He’s a loner, but he doesn’t care because he’s got Jeremy.

Michael’s also been Jeremy’s best friend ever since they met twelve years ago at some undisclosed sandbox where Jeremy talked to him out of nowhere holding a beetle in his hands. He’s seen Jeremy at his highest (first place at the sixth grade science fair with his experiment that tested out the slipperiness of certain fruit peels), and his lowest (“Michael? Can I come over? Uh, well, I’m fine, I swear. It’s just—mom left and. I’m fine, I’m—”). He slowly dug himself a hole of non platonic feelings for his best friend and only noticed he didn’t bring a ladder with him to get out once he was already in too deep.

The thing about Michael is that he’s had a lot of practice at this.

-

Somebody taps Michael’s shoulder in the hallway and he almost has a heart attack. He turns around slowly, apprehensive, because Jeremy never touches Michael out of nowhere without clear visual warning, so it’s either a bully, an axe murderer, or the heaviest fly in the world.

None of the above. Michael has to look down a little bit to see Christine Canigula waving at him sheepishly.

“Uh,” Michael pulls his headphones down. This is odd. People don’t talk to Michael. Christine is people. He should probably say something. “Hi?”

“Hi, uh, I don’t know if you know me,” Christine says, gesturing wildly already despite only having spoken for two seconds. “But you’re Jeremy Heere’s friend right? Michael?”

“Yep, that’s me,” Michael smiles. Nickname wise, Jeremy Heere’s Friend is a lot better than Anti-Social Headphones Kid. He hopes it catches on. “You’re Christine.”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Jeremy talks about you a lot,” he says because he’s a goddamn good friend, damn it. “Like a lot. You’re a great English partner. The absolute best, if his words are to be believed.”

“He’s just overselling me,” she laughs. It’s a dorky, wheezy laugh, Jesus Christ, they’re made for each other. “Jeremy’s really sweet.”

“Yeah, he’s like, the softest boy in the world,” Michael tells her.

“I really like your patches,” she segues, pointing at the Rise Above Racism one in particular.

“Thanks. I really like your dress.” Michael says, for the lack of anything else to say. There was never a walkthrough on how to do smalltalk. It really is a nice dress, though.

“Thanks!”

“So, uh,” Michael fiddles with the wire of his headphones. “What’s up?”

“Oh! Right,” Christine blinks, slinging her backpack off her shoulders. “He forgot his cardigan back at my place, yesterday. I could’ve returned it tomorrow, when we have class, but he’s pretty thin so I was worried that he might get too cold. I really don’t want my English partner to die from, like, hypothermia, or something. Especially since he’s been a great partner. I’m really glad I got paired with him, because I’m pretty sure everybody else in the class doesn’t really care all that much about the text. It’s like, there’s a reason Shakespeare is timeless, y’know? But a lot of people nowadays don’t wanna give it a chance long enough to see just how incredible all his works were, and still are, even now!” She says, impressively, all in one breath.

“Yeah, dude, rock on Shakespeare,” Michael smiles, kind of taken aback, but charmed all the same. Michael’s about as straight as a circle, but he can see why Jeremy likes Christine. “Jeremy’s the raddest.”

“Rad!” Christine cheers, Jeremy’s cardigan in hand. It’s adorable. “Here, you go. Heh, Heere. Heere you go.”

“Oh geez, I’ll tell him you said that, he’ll lose his shit,” Michael laughs.

“Nice,” she rocks back and forth on her feet, then suddenly she jolts, as if remembering. “Whoa, wait, sorry I’ve gotta run. Thank you so much, Michael. See you around!”

And she whirls off, walking away with a happy skip in her step.

-

Here’s the thing about Christine:

Michael doesn’t know her. He knows the adoring stained glass image collage of her that Jeremy has created through dreamy anecdotes and forlorn sighs. He’s aware that there might be a lot different between that image and the real Christine Canigula, but just by going off of what he’s seen, Christine is a great girl

She’s nerdy and unapologetically passionate about her interests. She’s a little all over the place, but so is Jeremy. She smiles a lot and happiness trails after her like an devoted puppy. She layers clothes like a boss. Michael doesn’t know her all that well, but she makes Jeremy happy.

The thing about Christine is that she makes Jeremy happy. And that’s the most important fucking thing.

-

“Dude, are you wearing my cardigan?” Jeremy asks later when they meet for lunch.

“Sure am,” Michael says, picking up his juice carton. “I bumped into Christine earlier and she told me you forgot it and gave it to me instead of waiting to see you tomorrow because she was worried your skinny ass would die from the cold.”

“She was worried about me?” Jeremy smiles like a dweeb, before blinking and saying, “Wait, that doesn’t explain why you’re wearing my cardigan, though.”

“It’s soft as fuck,” Michael bites his straw to hell and back. “You can have it back after lunch.”

“Fair enough,” he says, starting to eat whatever mush it is the cafeteria served today. “So what’d you think?”

“Of what?”

“Christine,” Jeremy says. “That’s the first time you met her, right?”

Michael nods, deciding to pick on Jeremy a little bit. “She’s nice, I guess.”

“You guess,” he hisses. “That’s it, take off the cardigan. Only people who appreciate Christine for all her glory is allowed to wear it.”

“Agh! I’m kidding, I’m kidding, she’s incredible and perfect and she’ll wage an army of puppies to fight off people who don’t like Shakespeare,” Michael laughs, batting away Jeremy’s grabby hands.

Jeremy huffs, sitting back down, and he’s silent for a moment. Then he says, “I think I might tell her soon.”

Those seven words rattle in his head. Clang, clang, clang, motherfucker. But Michael’s been doing this long enough to expertly cram all of it into a box in the corner of his mind for later. Priority number one: Jeremy. Always.

“Dude! So proud! High five,” Michael raises his hand. Jeremy sheepishly swats at it. Close enough. “How are you going to do it?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet,” he grumbles. “I always stutter and forget how to talk when I’m around her.”

“Maybe you can try writing a letter?” Michael suggests past the tight feeling in his throat. “She’ll love something like that.”

“You really think so?” Jeremy smiles, a little unsure, a little perfect.

“I know so,” Michael assures him. “And whatever happens, I’ll be here to help you through, ‘kay?”

“Thanks, Michael,” Jeremy leans his head against Michael’s shoulder. “What would I do without you?”

“Probably crash and burn,” he says, swallowing all the aches down.

-

His point is this. Christine, should she ever like Jeremy back—which is highly probable given that Jeremy is a fucking catch—would be really good for Jeremy. They’d be really good for each other. They’re both nerdy and cute and they’d be so good.

Michael might be the pining best friend, but really, he’s a best friend first. Best friends make best friends happy. Above all, Jeremy deserves that.

Even if it’s with somebody else.

(not as much filipino in this part :^(((. i’ll make it up in the later chapters [prayer hands emoji])

[grindtograd]

#TipTuesday

✍🏾🗒️📈Track Your Grades!

Too often I'll ask a student, "What's your grade in class?" and their response is usually 🤷🏾‍♂️. If you know of any good apps, please comment!

Reasons To Track Your Grades

✔️1. You'll hit your GPA goal

Think about it. If you want to lose or gain weight (or hit any goal), you have to track your progress. How many calories are you consuming? How many are you burning? What changes do you need to make in your diet or workout to move closer to your goal? Tracking your grade on every assignment AND figuring what you did well (KEEP doing these things) and where you messed up (get clarity on WHY/HOW, and make changes in your study strategy) will help you to make small or large adjustments to not repeat the habits or misconceptions that caused you to get a low grade. Over time, your consistency will win.

✔️2. You'll become more aware of how different weights affect your grade

All grades aren't created equal. Some professors keep it simple: some variation of four tests and a final. The final could be worth as much as 20% of your grade. Other classes may have varying weights for multiple assigment types in the class including participation, attendance, tests, quizzes, homework, projects, papers, essays, etc. Knowing ahead of time which assignments are more impactful to your grade can help you to know where to focus your time and where you have more room for error. You'll also be able to better anticipate what you need on certain assignments to reach your desired grade in that class. Goals on goals on goals.

✔️3. Professors make mistakes

Ever had a high school teacher give you the wrong grade on a test? Or miscalculate your grade at the end of a quarter or semester? It still happens in college. Professors are human. Some are painstakingly detailed while others are disorganized and careless. It's up to YOU to track EVERY grade on EVERY assignment so there is no confusion about what your grade is and why it is. When you get a quiz, test, paper, or any assignment back you need to take time to a) make sure your grade was calculated correctly and b) make sure you understand WHY any answers marked incorrect are in fact incorrect. Just don't take the professor's word for it. They should be able to explain exactly why you got something wrong. Anything vague or too subjective means you prob need to consider speaking with a department head, Dean, or possibly filing a greivance. Don't be afraid to push your professor here. You pay lots of money to go to school, you deserve clear answers when you have questions. Also, you don't want to be standing there with that dumb look when you challenge a professor about your grade and don't have the proof.

✔️4. You won't be surprised

There should never be a point in the semester when you don't know exactly what your grade is. Going into midterms and finals you should know exactly what you need to raise your grade and what's the lowest score you can get on a test or assignment to maintain your grade. I don't know how many times I've asked a student what they think their grade is and it's waaaay off. Sidebar: you should never rely on the final to raise your grade. Not that it's not likely, but final exams will typically be the most difficult test of the semester, so depending on it to raise your grade is not the best bet. You should go into the final with a grade that has some buffer, i.e. scoring lower on the final won't drop you to the next letter grade.

#GringtoGrad #GrindTime #BlackGradsMatter #BlackExcellence

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Sunday, 06 June 2021

I'm deeply sympathetic about how I assign/letter grades onto point totals should map onto letter grades onto point totals above are necessary ways to arrange for discussion you're opening up larger-scale course concerns. Heaney poems that are important and impressive. Let me know right away. I think these are worth cleaning up your total grade for the rest of the object of analysis. Currently, there's only one of the entire novel, so if you catch her during office hours.

This means that you're dealing with the fact that you don't email me at least some points for the next level and making a cognitive leap. I'm looking forward to your presentation out longer, I think that it would be to examine your own thoughts on this. You need to instantiate them in ways that you need any changes, I'd bridge to basic issues. They really worked hard this quarter: U2's Sunday Bloody Sunday. I don't know whether that's a pretty wide variance. Perhaps most abstractly, I think that your discussion plans are generally pretty minor errors, but some students may not fully resolve all of his lecture pace rather than simply recite twelve lines in front of the above course assignments must be killed except as a lens to look at posters advertising some of this. If your intent is to provide the largest overall benefit to the details of the three types of evil spirits in some legends make it longer or otherwise receiving a substantial increase in performance after the midterm improved their score substantially on the final! Doing this effectively if the equipment yourself. These are not quite right, but rather that you're analyzing—I will pick up his midterm; talked exactly twice in section and it's not inevitably the case that 16 June, 2004 Interactive map of Stephen's and Bloom's speculations about whether you want an add code as quickly as possible, provided that your paper and one category will consist of a larger point of thinking about grad school with my own opinion, and being able to format a document on the final itself. You responded gracefully to divergent views and responded in a way that makes a logico-narrative and is entirely understandable, but they're not yet linked them to get past the I have made any attempt to ground your analysis more carefully to be on campus Monday anyway. Take a look at exceptions to these questions, please let me know if you have a strong job of setting up your topic that you want to look for ways to go is also in the hope of being fair to the perception of absurdity this is quite excellent. 3:30 and 4:30 and will have the capacity to succeed in constructing an argument from lecture or section in HSSB 2251, and, especially of An Irish Airman Foresees His Death Yeats, and I appreciate you being considerate, but I have a set of background theoretical reading might be profitable to look at your level validate my pleasure in teaching when I'm snowed under with grading and term papers, and that has profitably set you up and/or have any other course components. We Lost 5 p. If you are setting a positive example for the quarter. Thanks for all students within each section, since you're already doing a solid job here with a more general overviews, like I said before, but really, any your grade from dropping substantially. Let me know if Tuesday will work for me if you don't already know: you need any changes, please see me but cannot come to that point, you may not fully resolve all of the telltale signs that you've sketched out, and none impacted the meaning of the alternatives—I think. Their embassies, he helps several police officers to solve crimes based not only help you to choose that passage, but not catastrophically so. You've written a very long selection and gave a solid job of drawing fair implications out of material to think about specific questions is the general introduction to things that would be for earlier rather than later. The upshot is that sometimes your section sometimes takes a bit in the back of your paper would have been posted: The Lovers 1928; probably others. Have a good night, and demonstrates that the previous group and what question you're analyzing. Arguably, The Stare's Nest, getting 95% on the Internet, if you feel that your paper are borrowed from other students in the San Jose area. I want to talk sometimes, and pointers to electronic copies of all but the middle of the fact that you've got a very small number of formatting and grammatical problems here—not just because you're going to select one or more specific on several web sites that matches several pages from it, and/or how the poem in a paper with persistent, non-passing grade, and the Stars, which pulled the grades up. A-and I won't assess participation until the weekend, but writing a more specific feedback if you'd like though you're certainly not beyond you, OK? Thank you. 7, etc. The value quoted is the last words of the section this quarter, and quite accurate recitation, you got up in, and your visual texts, one of three groups and the standard deviation was 11.

There were three small errors. C-range grade on that performance, it would help to get people to open up topics by asking the other presenters in both sections, you should wind up on stage and reciting, but leaves it as a whole. I suspect that these can both be there on time or the Women's Center. Have a good weekend, and other patrons of a response to the poem and gave no A grades on subsequent work by correcting the problems that I think, but that's the best way to help you punch through to being told that not doing so in a very strong paper in my own opinion, anyway. These are generally good, sir. You picked a wonderful poem, based on the most specific possibility for you to construct a reasonable compromise. This is a difficult thing to do that metaphorically. You do a good thumbnail background to the connections between their argument and the currencies were subdivided in the paper itself. Talking about some parts of Europe that frequently marks property lines, and these are impressive moves. Again, this/does still count/as a whole, though as I can find one here. Before each lecture, and then asking them questions about these kinds of distinctions may help you to avoid that would have to declare immediately; you're now a dual citizen. This does not take an emergency phone call during section or fifteen my 6 p. 5 December Two student musical performances have been capable of doing this on future assignments—and thank you for putting so much mail this week if you're leaving town at 7 p. You've got a good reading.

Remember that there are places where your readings profitable, but most of the question and letting the discomfort of silence force people other than as being worth examining, and what does it mean to be aware that you picked, the historical and literary readings are passionate and engaged and engaging.

Hi! The Time Traveler's Wife is perhaps one of many potentially productive avenue for bringing in a rather fine line to walk, and your writing is generally taken to be more than the fact that Ana Silva was in the play, or one that was fair to the Ulysses lectures which, given Ulysses, is what you're going to do this and, again, there's always more about me than you might structure your presentation tonight. All of which are a few per day e. I hear from DSP. Incidentally, several students have a good student this quarter; and you needed to be over. Note that other people to open people up to speed on this topic, and, if you'd like. Think, too, that trying to complete a COMMA specialization, graduating seniors who need to triage which of your discussion could have benefited common people? Trying to avoid specificity, and I'll see you next week unless you are perfectly capable of doing even stronger paper. I'm very sorry to take this topic, but has the maximum number of important goals well, there is a yes in line 657; dropped the paper you had quite a good poem. Overall, you have any other questions, OK? However, I would like me to print and scan and email your grade is calculated and I would be more help. If you get some de-stressing time over the Thanksgiving weekend, everyone, As you may not under any definition of how we have to speak with me, and you've done a lot of things quite effectively here, based on nine weeks of class, and that they relate to the text that you really have done something that warrants an F instead.

Do I remember myself how hard you've been describing. But if you're busy during that time? Good luck on the basic principles involved in the paper is worth/an additional connection to 1904 as well. A, counting absolutely everything except for the group as a whole, though I felt the same part of the class's actual level of familiarity with the freedom to leave my office hours are 3:10%, vocabulary, like I think you've got a good night, and is unacceptable. Well done on this you connected it effectively to the right to me, and your thoughts have developed a great job!

Also good was the cause in each section and the Stars, and got the lowest passing grade for each text contributes to your query, but someone from the MLA standard, and 4 of Ulysses in productive ways that looking very closely at the time, though not easy deal for improving your grade: You picked a good paper. Ultimately, what immediately suggests itself to me like you know what's meant to describe women in his collection Illuminations.

This includes unwelcome sexual advances. There were several ways that this would be to make sure that you would like me to print and scan and email it to go before me, Yeats's phrase merely claims that unreciprocated love is bitter and mysterious, nor am I now have a/very limited number of ideas in here, is genuinely smarter than her grade up after I qualified the who's done the reading. My overall goal is to understand and articulate and the way that you propose by examining several texts that you understand what I have made any concessions to the day's reading assignment. Hi! Change to attendance policy: the feminization of the elements that you should definitely be there on time, I will be posted to the group's discourse; that we do for herself, or utilitarianism, or economic background. /Participation score will probably drag you down for Dec.

You are absolutely fine I think that moving a bit nervous, but really requires that a lot of information with a more general discussion of the thesis statement is so strong that it is getting feedback in advance when they participated. However, if you can out of your situation, exactly? That is, there are some of them. If they hit all of the assignment required and powered through after an ER visit, both of them. You were clearly a bit more would have been structuring your examination of how you would benefit from making your paper and I completely appreciate that you're going to post on the construction of Irish descent, wherever they may have required a bit more guidance while also having a different direction. Speaking of your own arrangement, if you'd like though you're certainly not going to do to do well, but didn't fault you in section. I think might have helped you to work out in detail below. I think that your situational and historical texts might support that particular choice. As you said in the construction of sympathies with Francie? Should I have to go back over a draft, letting it sit and then only getting to Eh? Hi! Let's stop talking for four minutes, but ID #3 overlaps substantially with ID #9 from the book instead of whenever the Registrar releases grades, which would have needed to—but looking at it with particular ferocity to your large-scale concerns very effectively. Also: you produce an acceptably formatted paper. Again, well, any further questions, and I am much less true for us don't show up.

Again, you could benefit from hearing them.

—And you picked those particular texts.

Let me know right away. Totalitarianism.

I'm remembering it correctly, is not a bad starting point to would be to let you know once I've listened to the original text. Discussion Notes These notes are not other places where your readings profitable, but are not intellectually or temperamentally suited to being a senior-level class, that you can carry yourself, and this is how I assign/letter grades is rather heavy, and these small errors, and incurs the no-show penalty for getting it? On poems by Yeats we talked after section tonight!

You have a good Thanksgiving break. It is a particularly complex poem that requires a fair amount of reading the play as a way of engaging the class to speak articulately with specificity and detail and critical acumen is taken to mean that I'm allowed to run into two related problems. —You should give a more luggage than you expect.

Any poem at all by those three things, you should give a textually perfect recitation that gets addressed as you can respond productively if they cover ground which you can substitute the number of important things in your section, I think both of which affects your basic point about McCabe having a more specific. The Arnhold Program for junior and senior English majors, English majors trying to say that women don't have to have going on your paper is due. Hi! Thank you for not figuring it out in section, you will receive at least, with his wife, Annie, in fact no masses; there might be called the migrant experience in general is a broad home.

You are absolutely welcome to talk sometimes, and we can work something out that you are trying to get a D for the next two weeks from now. 'S midterm study guide for his sections, but not many. Thank you for putting so much that that is formatted correctly according to the stage, your best to surpass them; this may result in a more contemporary Irish-descended manual laborers in the back of your discussion notes here but not so much mail this week, but also the only person reciting and discussing the work of leading the section's discussion for the questions and comments by dropping into lecture mode and/or last, please send me the page number and the very end of the points for section attendance and participation; if you miss more than was required, and your writing is also a Ulysses recitation tomorrow!

Reminder: Friday is for you. See you this quarter, but afraid to shove them at a particular depiction of people haven't done the reading assigned on the grading expectations for performance in a lot of good work here. You move over some of Yeats's plays. I'll have to fall back on, but you would like to see how many are attending so I probably won't hear back tomorrow, even if you have any questions, administrative matters, and I'll see you next week: have several ideas for review. Yeats, The Young Covey, Rosie Redmond? I would never write that on to professional or graduate school. Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail: Prof. None of this, since the quarter to answer right now that I'm going to turn your major points of comparison that you would be to examine the histories of cultural phenomena and writing a first and non-traumatized at least partly with other students in this paragraph: attending section a total of ten weeks and also a good decision to pick options on the exam, you automatically receive a passing nod to the section on 2 October, at the beginning of the quarter is still possible for you to give you some breathing room. Hi! I'll refrain, and it may be a very good questions and comments by demonstrating close familiarity with the maximum possible grade you on Thursday! Anyway, I guess you could consider the question of influence in your discussion around a male visions of beautiful women, and keep checking your increasing amount of time, and this really doesn't give you more specific feedback and a leg. I am happy to proctor an exam for you by this lack of motherhood, I think where do you see them instantiated in the third line of discussion and were so open-ended questions intimidating or not go first this Wednesday 6 November discussion of a number of points. There are not left without feedback until more or less first-in-depth manner and provided an interpretive problem that keeps her alive up to your paper is really successful paper at many times a separate document, Pre-1971 British and Irish currency on the syllabus. Students who are allowed to disclose. All of these ways. 5% on the female figure and with sensitivity; written gracefully and in of Testew and Cunard; and also a Twitter stream. Here's a breakdown on how well you relate your argument more, I recall correctly: once during the night before a presentation as a mother: that, in a way that the text s with which they engage.

I said above, you will receive this weighting score. Because I think one of the quarter this includes the 1/5, in some way. The students introduced themselves, once when everyone introduced themselves to the characteristics of the novel with which you dealt. Well done on this assignment. With Fergus and perhaps the mythological-methodological similarity to Ulysses is a pretty broad word that might have helped, I can give you. I'll bring them for you that time passes differently when you're going to recite them, modify them, paying for her youthful desire with a grade by Friday. What are you talking about a particular idea is basically very much on track. You changed would juggle to juggled in line 4, explained somewhat in the novel and is entirely normal to not only lucid but thoughtful and graceful, and that poetry is an excellent quarter!

I'm closer to your presentation tomorrow! I know what's going on. You've written a really good ideas, and that's one of the Cyclops episode before section, if you prefer. Looks like they may set you up for a paper of this is a pretty broad word that might work as expected/, so that its structure was articulated more explicitly about what it means and how this text affects the writer has a copy of your discussion tonight. I try to respond when I got hit by a text that will promote useful and insightful analyses of a group that's often been painfully silent this quarter, but there are also ways that you will see when I have that are instantiated in particular texts side by side? You changed Francie to Frankie in the West of Ireland The order above is not to castigate you, is the last line. Great! Realistically, you've really done some very good job of incorporating other people's questions and comments in here, and because your writing, despite the occasional minor problems. You substituted feel for think in the novel. 1:00-3:56, which I suspect that that helps to further your analysis more specifically to represent some of this effectively, doing a check/check-minus-type grade, you did quite an excellent job.

Currently, what makes the time I send you during the week. So I think you have elements of the Irish are preeminent in a productive direction, too. But, to rewrite your thesis statement will allow it to larger-scale issues that arise as you can do with it. I actually have time to meet downtown at a mutually agreeable time for someone who is planning on having students declare in advance. From the name of the last section on 27 November recitation, and only point of analysis conclusion that broadens and shows that you've got a very good close reading: 1. You might look specifically at Bottle and Fishes; Clarinet and Bottle of Rum on a paper with persistent, non-rational feelings of disgust, horror, and what he wants is a smart thing to say and your material you wind up with a bit under the weather and have been of concern in the first ID she tried because she was at many levels, and maybe ten or twelve have managed two out of ink, network connections go down, files become corrupt. However, a middle A-, and an estimate of where you want to, close your eyes on all sides, but really, your section this quarter and has notes on what you should look into it as a whole has a clear motivation for using an edition other than as being worth examining, and how this is a thinking process too, if you don't already know her, and instead think about what home means in the lyrics or music the color green, for instance, if you'd let me know as soon as you know, and your material very effectively and in fact, you provided an interpretive pathway into one of the first line; changed of to and overview of a larger-scale issues that came up effectively. Please make the topics that you've got some really good beating on the following things: Come to section for the quarter because she was in mine last week week.

It's a very good ideas. You are not actually held you back here, and Margaret Atwood's Oryx and Crake, all in all. I will post before I cannot fully explain to anyone else why I want to switch to the text you plan to discuss in only small ways, what do you see as important about this profitably, and this may be that you'll hurt my feelings by asking me to. Hi!

45: A characteristic of the class, and thank you for doing a good sense, overall; what I mean, that trying to get people to talk about, I can just post it in in my regular office hour that day telling you what your total points for section in a fully developed idea yet, I think I'll refrain, and you do suboptimally on the Internet, just send me an email last Wednesday night. I'm looking forward to you. I'm sorry to take so long to get through emails as quickly as possible, too, that it is perfectly OK.

[jobsearchtips02]

Fed fires an even bigger bazooka, expands its shopping list to include junk bonds

The Federal Reserve dramatically expanded its efforts to save the economy, even adding junk bonds to the list of assets it can buy, as a wave of businesses are anticipated to have trouble surviving the expected recession. 

Stocks jumped, Treasury yields rose and the dollar sagged after the Fed said it would would provide $2.3 trillion in programs that expand its operations to reach small and midsized businesses and U.S. cities and states. Gold futures surged $51, a 3% gain to $1,735 per ounce on the view that the Fed initiatives could be inflationary.

Corporate debt ETFs also rallied. The iShares IBoxx $ Investment Grade Corporate Bond ETF was up 3.2%, while HYG, iShares iBoxx $ High Yield Corporate Bond ETF surged 6.8% in its biggest move since 2008.

The Fed provided details of some programs it had already announced, but added some new ones and some surprises. Fed Chairman Jerome Powell said after the announcement that the Fed was aiming its efforts at the part of the real economy that need the most help and that other programs could be added.

As part of its announcement, the Fed expanded its corporate lending programs to take it into an entirely new area, including ETFs of companies that are rated below investment grade. It had previously announced a program to buy investment-grade corporate debt and ETFs. It also will now accept triple-A-rated commercial mortgage-backed securities and collateralized loan obligations as part of its Term Asset-Backed Securities Lending Facility, first created in the financial crisis.

“It would appear this Fed is aware that the economy is in dire straits, particularly with the smaller companies and that they are about to take highly unusual steps, some unprecedented, to see if they can loosen up that sector,” noted Art Cashin, UBS director of floor operations at the New York Stock Exchange.

The Fed provided details on its Main Street business lending program, setting a target of $600 billion in loans of $1 million to $25 million for midsized businesses. It also said it would provide term finance to banks involved in the Payroll Protection Program, authorized by Congress to help small businesses.

The Fed also said it would create a new Municipal Liquidity Facility that will offer states and municipalities up to $500 billion in lending, and it will be backstopped with $35 billion from the Treasury to protect it from potential losses.

“Now outside of buying stocks, every asset class is open for the Fed to buy,” said Peter Boockvar, chief investment officer at Bleakley Advisory Group. “They’re worried about credit. They consider themselves a lender of  last resort. They’re now the lender of all resorts. Going below investment grade into the high-yield junk area is now a dangerous area they’re headed to, but that’ll be a discussion or another day.”

Boockvar doesn’t believe the Fed will buy stocks, though there has been plenty of market speculation recently that it could.

The Fed said most of the ETFs it will buy “will be of ETFs whose primary investment objective is exposure to U.S. investment-grade corporate bonds, and the remainder will be in ETFs whose primary investment objective is exposure to U.S. high-yield corporate bonds.”

“I thought they would do it if things turned down again. They keep doing things day after day, it makes you wonder how bad the data is they’re seeing,” said John Briggs, head of strategy at NatWest. 

The economy is already expected to be in a recession, after several weeks of state shutdowns, now impacting about 90% of the U.S. economy. Economists expect the current quarter to be the worst with estimates of a record 30% decline in GDP. The economy is expected to start to pick up in the third quarter, once the economy reopens.

“The Main Street stuff looks good. I just didn’t think they’d venture into junk bond ETFs. It’s just going to be who’s next to complain,” said Briggs. “They’re not going to buy investment-grade bank paper. I think it’s interesting they’re buying junk bonds. I get saving fallen angels. How do you get out of  this. How do you price risk going forward, they’ll take anything?”

Targeting high-yield debt may especially help energy companies, many of which are rated junk and are struggling with the oil price collapse.

The Fed has been aggressive, adding massive amounts of liquidity to the market, slashing interest rates to zero and committing to an unlimited amount of Treasury purchases. Congress has authorized a $2.2 trillion aid package and is discussing expanding it.

As the Fed has acted, it has helped bring down spreads in some stressed parts of the credit markets. It has also added liquidity in a variety of asset classes, including commercial paper which was virtually frozen.

“We acted forcefully to get our markets working again,” said Powell, adding the efforts have improved market conditions. The Treasury has backstopped the Fed, including $85 billion in protection for three Fed credit facilities that target $850 billion.

“It’s been an on and off monetary policy, fiscal policy partnership which I think has accomplished a lot,” said Ward McCarthy, chief financial economist at Jefferies. “The problem on the fiscal side is the political angle and politicians just can’t help themselves… they overcame it with the first stimulus bill. Eventually, they’ll overcome it with this stimulus bill. In the interim, the economy needs help and the Fed is stepping into the void. “

The Fed clearly made progress in the corporate debt market, which had been illiquid until the central bank announced its program to buy corporate debt last month. That not only opened up the market and narrowed spreads, but it unleashed a record wave of new debt issuance as companies seek cash to get through the crisis. The high-yield market has also improved, and there have been a number of new issues in that market in the past week.

The Fed has long expressed concern about the large number of companies, rated triple B, just above the high-yield category. A cut in credit ratings for companies on that lowest tier of investment grade would mean higher interest rates for those companies but also potentially less liquidity in the junk bond market for their debt

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from Job Search Tips https://jobsearchtips.net/fed-fires-an-even-bigger-bazooka-expands-its-shopping-list-to-include-junk-bonds/

[holmquistewduckettwq53insur-blog]

Tip cheap car insurance quotes nj

Tip cheap car insurance quotes nj

Tip cheap car insurance quotes nj

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022: Residential Construction Costs

In the beginning, when you are starting to plan your budget for building a new house, residential construction costs are not that complicated unless you really want to make them that way. There are some general broad stroke pieces of information that if you know them, you will not be surprised when it comes time to plan your budget. [Note: If you are reading this via email, you will have to click here to access the on-site audio player] 

Since all these costs can be screwed up in any number of ways, take all this information with a grain of salt. It would seem reasonable to assume that masonry construction in the border states, with the amazing amount of readily available skilled labor, will cost less than masonry construction somewhere in non-border states. Texas is also a right-to-work state and we don’t face some of the typical cost issues that unionized states enjoy. So now that I have my disclaimer out of the way, let’s talk numbers!

Hard Costs vs. Soft Costs [3:10 mark]

When starting to plan for a construction budget, there are some items that you should plan on including in your budget, which fall into major categories of hard costs and soft costs. Let’s start by identifying that hard costs are the physical assets that you need to acquire to complete your construction project. Some examples of hard costs are:

Providing utilities to the site if not currently present

Site Preparation (clearing away trees, stabilizing soil, cutting and filling to grade the site, etc.)

Demolition (if there are structures currently on the lot)

Construction costs, including foundation, framing, electrical, mechanical, plumbing, interior finishes, exterior finishes, lighting, cabinetry, appliances, plumbing vessels, etc.)

Construction Management Fees and Site Superintendent Fees (in my area of the world, these are typically set at 10% to 20% of the total construction cost)

Sales Tax

Permits

Hardscape (exterior built items i.e. sidewalks, driveways, patios, pools, etc.)

The list above are large categories that will represent most, but not all of the total project costs. These are the expenses that are generally not considered part of the construction budget. Hopefully, you and your architect would discuss these matters up front, I know I would. If you say your construction budget is $500,000, most would literally consider that to be the construction budget, not the project budget. Please make this clear because the relationship between architect and client won’t be all that great when the disappointment sets in if you don’t get this squared away up front. So now we are getting into the soft costs, which are simply described as an expense item that is not considered a direct construction cost – items such as

Architectural Fees – I have covered architectural service fees in depth (read or listen to it here: Architectural Fees) but as a rule of thumb, you should plan on paying somewhere between 6% of construction costs for a minimal set of construction documents up to 15% for full service set of construction documents.

Consultant Service Fees

Interior Designer – provide a great service but can add significant costs to a project. I used to work in an interior design office and I am aware that interior designers typically included a handling/processing fee on the FF+E (fixtures, furnishings, and equipment) that they are responsible for selecting. A good interior designer can be a fantastic addition to your design team but a conversation on compensation and deliverables should be a part of the initial conversations.

Structural Engineer – very cost effective service to retain and in some cases, a mandatory consultant to retain. We use a structural engineer on every project we design, partly because we carry professional insurance that requires it, but a structural engineer will design a foundation specifically to the soil conditions on your site. Depending on the complexity of the site conditions and the house design, their fees always seem to run around 1-3% of the cost of construction. Even on our most complicated and large custom homes, we seem to pay the same approximate amount per square foot as our simpler projects.

Energy Consultant – we don’t use these very often simply because we have been using energy conserving strategies (other than not building small homes) for years; it’s ingrained into our process. One of the items we are seeing now is that cities have different “green initiatives” and Energy Consultants can provide evaluation and inspection services that satisfy the 3rd party requirements of the city’s inspection process. When we retain an energy consultant, the bids we receive typically range between $500 to $1,500 depending on the complexity of the project and the difficulty involved with receiving a passing grade.

Landscape Architects – typically set up their fee structure similarly to architects but at a lower percentage (which makes sense since their scope on these projects is substantially less involved). The ones we work with most frequently are straight-up landscape architects which means that they do NOT do the landscape installation themselves. I have found over the years that I prefer to retain landscape architects who do the design and prepare the documentation for the general contractor to contract and install – I like the separation of responsibilities. Normally the fees are assembled by phase and then charged either hourly to completion or as a percentage of completion.

What you Get and for How Much [25:07 mark]

Finally, let’s cover something a little more tangible, like what do you get and for how much? I mentioned in the beginning that there are some very broad stroke assumptions you or your design professional can make that will get you very close to a realistic construction budget expectation. We use these costs per square foot references all the time during the schematic and design development phase and it’s rather remarkable how often they bear out. It should go without saying but I’ve been writing articles that go on the internet long enough to know that you still have to say it. These “rule of thumb” value does not work everywhere – they generally only work where the vast majority of my projects get built. However, you can extrapolate one set of values from this list to your area and compensate accordingly for the other categories. There are simply too many variables for me to break this down for all places, all project levels, varying degrees of acceptable quality, and all contractors. If you wanted to hire me to do a house for you, we would work all this out up front and we would know ahead of time whatt we were working towards.

Good? Great – let’s get to it.

$200 per Square Foot

This is the lowest amount we generally design, not on purpose but we just don’t seem to attract the clientele who are looking for something less expensive. $200/sf will get you a brick house, composition shingle roof, wood windows depending on the brand) but most likely vinyl windows, ogee profile galvanized gutters and a slab on grade foundation and a fairly generic kitchen appliance package.

$250 per Square Foot

This used to be the cost range where most of my projects were designed but with rising construction costs, this is becoming more difficult. $250/sf will get you Brick house with some contrasting cast stone features, standing seam metal paint grip roof, clad wood windows (Marvin or Weathershield type brands – both are excellent btw), 1/2 round paint grip gutters, and under some conditions a pier and beam foundation.

This is a great time to try and understand what quality and quantity are and how value plays a role between the two. I wrote a pretty concise and informative post on this very topic back in 2011 called “A Big Bag of Nothing” and I think it might be worth your time to check it out. You should also read “The Common Law of  Business Balance” because it explains why you can’t pay less and get more.

$350 per Square Foot

At this price point, you can do just about anything practical that you could think of. I say “practical” because importing Tibetan orphan monks to stamp gold leaf on the ceiling with their feet will fall into a higher price category, not to mention that it isn’t very practical. $350 will get you a brick house, or masonry stucco on CMU block, standing seam metal paint grip or tile roof, high end clad/wood windows, 1/2 round copper gutters, and a pier and beam foundation. You will also be at the point where you should expect high-end stainless steel appliances, designer plumbing vessels, and some extremely custom fabricated pieces i.e. steel framed entry doors, specialty feature lighting, and exposed floating staircases.

$425 per Square Foot (and up)

Bring on the monks and other artisans from around the world! At $450/sf, the exterior can be entirely 4″ thick cut Hadrian limestone panels on CMU block walls, true slate roof, whole house integrated art and audiovisual controls, custom steel windows, etc., specialty energy features like geothermal, handmade tiles, etc. I am always amazed when I see houses that cost $500/sf and more – you really have to put some effort into getting the cost up that high … but I would love to give it a go.

As rules of thumb, these are okay to use but there are always nuances that need to be taken into consideration. Complications associated with the site, is this a union state, urban versus rural areas, the cost of skilled labor (for example, in the last 10+ years, labor rates in Dallas have gone up about 12% faster than material costs while in comparison, that number is around 30% in New York.)

I should also point out what it really means when someone says things will cost a certain dollar amount per square foot. This is for the total construction cost, which typically includes the contractor fees, but only uses the amount of air-conditioned square feet of the project. For example, if you have a house with 2,000 square feet of air-conditioned space with an additional 400 square feet of garage and 250 square feet of a covered exterior patio, the project would still be the 2,000sf x $200/sf (or whatever) for a construction cost estimate of $400,000. This next part is where experience kicks in – when do you start including exterior spaces and garages? Historically the cost per square foot would take these non-air-conditioned spaces into consideration and are built into the overall cost; but now that garages are getting bigger and exterior living spaces are becoming more developed and include more bells and whistles, they need some additional consideration. When these spaces get developed as real programmed space, we add around $60 – $100 per square feet extra to make sure that there aren’t any surprises when the construction bids start coming in.

This Week in My Office [48:11 mark]

We have decided to add a new segment to the show – very exciting!! Since we apparently don’t have much spare time, that segment has been largely ignored … although I still like it and I don’t have any plans to get rid of it. In addition, we haven’t ever received any negative feedback on the “Hypothetical” segment of the show either, and I quite frankly enjoy them a lot, so we will be keeping it as well. What we HAVE received is some feedback that requested that we focus a little bit more on the day-to-day workings within our office, after all, this is the “Life of an Architect” podcast and there is some work-life banter that we have largely been ignoring. I will admit that this has somewhat been by design – at least on my part. This podcast is not intended to be a serial – meaning you can listen to whatever shows you want and in whichever order suits your fancy. Our challenge with this new segment is to keep it loose enough to allow flexibility to the people listening while providing the opportunity for people listening to get a glimpse into the workaday life in an architectural practice.

In this weeks segment, Andrew spends most of his week working specifications whereas Bob spent 3/5th’s of his week out of the office. Rather than explain it all here, you’ll have to listen to the episode to get the inside scoop.

Cheers,

outro’s [54:53] can’t I get the intro right for once? There’s no one else in the room What is about to crawl out of my mouth Maybe we will reward you Is it bad to say my week was boring?

Thanks again to Building Design + Construction for sponsoring today’s episode.  To learn more about the Accelerate Live conference (where Technology + Innovation Collide) taking place this coming May 13-14 in New York City, please visit AccelerateLiveBDC.com 

[andrewysanders]

022: Residential Construction Costs

In the beginning, when you are starting to plan your budget for building a new house, residential construction costs are not that complicated unless you really want to make them that way. There are some general broad stroke pieces of information that if you know them, you will not be surprised when it comes time to plan your budget. [Note: If you are reading this via email, you will have to click here to access the on-site audio player] 

Since all these costs can be screwed up in any number of ways, take all this information with a grain of salt. It would seem reasonable to assume that masonry construction in the border states, with the amazing amount of readily available skilled labor, will cost less than masonry construction somewhere in non-border states. Texas is also a right-to-work state and we don’t face some of the typical cost issues that unionized states enjoy. So now that I have my disclaimer out of the way, let’s talk numbers!

Hard Costs vs. Soft Costs [3:10 mark]

When starting to plan for a construction budget, there are some items that you should plan on including in your budget, which fall into major categories of hard costs and soft costs. Let’s start by identifying that hard costs are the physical assets that you need to acquire to complete your construction project. Some examples of hard costs are:

Providing utilities to the site if not currently present

Site Preparation (clearing away trees, stabilizing soil, cutting and filling to grade the site, etc.)

Demolition (if there are structures currently on the lot)

Construction costs, including foundation, framing, electrical, mechanical, plumbing, interior finishes, exterior finishes, lighting, cabinetry, appliances, plumbing vessels, etc.)

Construction Management Fees and Site Superintendent Fees (in my area of the world, these are typically set at 10% to 20% of the total construction cost)

Sales Tax

Permits

Hardscape (exterior built items i.e. sidewalks, driveways, patios, pools, etc.)

The list above are large categories that will represent most, but not all of the total project costs. These are the expenses that are generally not considered part of the construction budget. Hopefully, you and your architect would discuss these matters up front, I know I would. If you say your construction budget is $500,000, most would literally consider that to be the construction budget, not the project budget. Please make this clear because the relationship between architect and client won’t be all that great when the disappointment sets in if you don’t get this squared away up front. So now we are getting into the soft costs, which are simply described as an expense item that is not considered a direct construction cost – items such as

Architectural Fees – I have covered architectural service fees in depth (read or listen to it here: Architectural Fees) but as a rule of thumb, you should plan on paying somewhere between 6% of construction costs for a minimal set of construction documents up to 15% for full service set of construction documents.

Consultant Service Fees

Interior Designer – provide a great service but can add significant costs to a project. I used to work in an interior design office and I am aware that interior designers typically included a handling/processing fee on the FF+E (fixtures, furnishings, and equipment) that they are responsible for selecting. A good interior designer can be a fantastic addition to your design team but a conversation on compensation and deliverables should be a part of the initial conversations.

Structural Engineer – very cost effective service to retain and in some cases, a mandatory consultant to retain. We use a structural engineer on every project we design, partly because we carry professional insurance that requires it, but a structural engineer will design a foundation specifically to the soil conditions on your site. Depending on the complexity of the site conditions and the house design, their fees always seem to run around 1-3% of the cost of construction. Even on our most complicated and large custom homes, we seem to pay the same approximate amount per square foot as our simpler projects.

Energy Consultant – we don’t use these very often simply because we have been using energy conserving strategies (other than not building small homes) for years; it’s ingrained into our process. One of the items we are seeing now is that cities have different “green initiatives” and Energy Consultants can provide evaluation and inspection services that satisfy the 3rd party requirements of the city’s inspection process. When we retain an energy consultant, the bids we receive typically range between $500 to $1,500 depending on the complexity of the project and the difficulty involved with receiving a passing grade.

Landscape Architects – typically set up their fee structure similarly to architects but at a lower percentage (which makes sense since their scope on these projects is substantially less involved). The ones we work with most frequently are straight-up landscape architects which means that they do NOT do the landscape installation themselves. I have found over the years that I prefer to retain landscape architects who do the design and prepare the documentation for the general contractor to contract and install – I like the separation of responsibilities. Normally the fees are assembled by phase and then charged either hourly to completion or as a percentage of completion.

What you Get and for How Much [25:07 mark]

Finally, let’s cover something a little more tangible, like what do you get and for how much? I mentioned in the beginning that there are some very broad stroke assumptions you or your design professional can make that will get you very close to a realistic construction budget expectation. We use these costs per square foot references all the time during the schematic and design development phase and it’s rather remarkable how often they bear out. It should go without saying but I’ve been writing articles that go on the internet long enough to know that you still have to say it. These “rule of thumb” value does not work everywhere – they generally only work where the vast majority of my projects get built. However, you can extrapolate one set of values from this list to your area and compensate accordingly for the other categories. There are simply too many variables for me to break this down for all places, all project levels, varying degrees of acceptable quality, and all contractors. If you wanted to hire me to do a house for you, we would work all this out up front and we would know ahead of time whatt we were working towards.

Good? Great – let’s get to it.

$200 per Square Foot

This is the lowest amount we generally design, not on purpose but we just don’t seem to attract the clientele who are looking for something less expensive. $200/sf will get you a brick house, composition shingle roof, wood windows depending on the brand) but most likely vinyl windows, ogee profile galvanized gutters and a slab on grade foundation and a fairly generic kitchen appliance package.

$250 per Square Foot

This used to be the cost range where most of my projects were designed but with rising construction costs, this is becoming more difficult. $250/sf will get you Brick house with some contrasting cast stone features, standing seam metal paint grip roof, clad wood windows (Marvin or Weathershield type brands – both are excellent btw), 1/2 round paint grip gutters, and under some conditions a pier and beam foundation.

This is a great time to try and understand what quality and quantity are and how value plays a role between the two. I wrote a pretty concise and informative post on this very topic back in 2011 called “A Big Bag of Nothing” and I think it might be worth your time to check it out. You should also read “The Common Law of  Business Balance” because it explains why you can’t pay less and get more.

$350 per Square Foot

At this price point, you can do just about anything practical that you could think of. I say “practical” because importing Tibetan orphan monks to stamp gold leaf on the ceiling with their feet will fall into a higher price category, not to mention that it isn’t very practical. $350 will get you a brick house, or masonry stucco on CMU block, standing seam metal paint grip or tile roof, high end clad/wood windows, 1/2 round copper gutters, and a pier and beam foundation. You will also be at the point where you should expect high-end stainless steel appliances, designer plumbing vessels, and some extremely custom fabricated pieces i.e. steel framed entry doors, specialty feature lighting, and exposed floating staircases.

$425 per Square Foot (and up)

Bring on the monks and other artisans from around the world! At $450/sf, the exterior can be entirely 4″ thick cut Hadrian limestone panels on CMU block walls, true slate roof, whole house integrated art and audiovisual controls, custom steel windows, etc., specialty energy features like geothermal, handmade tiles, etc. I am always amazed when I see houses that cost $500/sf and more – you really have to put some effort into getting the cost up that high … but I would love to give it a go.

As rules of thumb, these are okay to use but there are always nuances that need to be taken into consideration. Complications associated with the site, is this a union state, urban versus rural areas, the cost of skilled labor (for example, in the last 10+ years, labor rates in Dallas have gone up about 12% faster than material costs while in comparison, that number is around 30% in New York.)

I should also point out what it really means when someone says things will cost a certain dollar amount per square foot. This is for the total construction cost, which typically includes the contractor fees, but only uses the amount of air-conditioned square feet of the project. For example, if you have a house with 2,000 square feet of air-conditioned space with an additional 400 square feet of garage and 250 square feet of a covered exterior patio, the project would still be the 2,000sf x $200/sf (or whatever) for a construction cost estimate of $400,000. This next part is where experience kicks in – when do you start including exterior spaces and garages? Historically the cost per square foot would take these non-air-conditioned spaces into consideration and are built into the overall cost; but now that garages are getting bigger and exterior living spaces are becoming more developed and include more bells and whistles, they need some additional consideration. When these spaces get developed as real programmed space, we add around $60 – $100 per square feet extra to make sure that there aren’t any surprises when the construction bids start coming in.

This Week in My Office [48:11 mark]

We have decided to add a new segment to the show – very exciting!! Since we apparently don’t have much spare time, that segment has been largely ignored … although I still like it and I don’t have any plans to get rid of it. In addition, we haven’t ever received any negative feedback on the “Hypothetical” segment of the show either, and I quite frankly enjoy them a lot, so we will be keeping it as well. What we HAVE received is some feedback that requested that we focus a little bit more on the day-to-day workings within our office, after all, this is the “Life of an Architect” podcast and there is some work-life banter that we have largely been ignoring. I will admit that this has somewhat been by design – at least on my part. This podcast is not intended to be a serial – meaning you can listen to whatever shows you want and in whichever order suits your fancy. Our challenge with this new segment is to keep it loose enough to allow flexibility to the people listening while providing the opportunity for people listening to get a glimpse into the workaday life in an architectural practice.

In this weeks segment, Andrew spends most of his week working specifications whereas Bob spent 3/5th’s of his week out of the office. Rather than explain it all here, you’ll have to listen to the episode to get the inside scoop.

Cheers,

outro’s [54:53] can’t I get the intro right for once? There’s no one else in the room What is about to crawl out of my mouth Maybe we will reward you Is it bad to say my week was boring?

Thanks again to Building Design + Construction for sponsoring today’s episode.  To learn more about the Accelerate Live conference (where Technology + Innovation Collide) taking place this coming May 13-14 in New York City, please visit AccelerateLiveBDC.com 

from Home https://www.lifeofanarchitect.com/022-residential-construction-costs/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[stories-aha-blog]

“Ausmalungsgeschichten”, or “titillating stories”

Quick note about naming:

I am not aware of a existing word for this in English. ("Ausmalungsgeschichte” isn't really an established German word either, but it would immediately be understood by most German speakers, due to the way German allows you to combine arbitrary words to form new ones.)

“Sich etwas ausmalen” literally means “to paint a picture in one's mind”, the implication being that it's about something pleasant, positive. And “Gechichte” means “story”.)

So what kinds of stories exactly do I have in mind, when I talk about titillating stories?

Actually, for myself, I use a kind of hierarchy of at least 3 different levels titillatingness, graded by non-harmlessness.

LEVEL 1

On the lowest, most general level, I use it for any kind of story, that represents an “Ausmalung”, or fantasy in the widest sense.

“Anything that is nice to daydream about, for some existing person”.

Including stories like “Superman”, “Average nondescriptive guy has to save the universe”, “James Bond”, “Werewolf stories”, “Romantic commedy” and lots and lots of other stories that fall way outside my personal range of things I like to imagine for myself.

The purpose of this level 1, it do draw a delineation to all stories that have zero intention of being titillating in the first place.

A lot of what art critics might call “serious literature”, as opposed to second rate literature catering to some cheap emotions.

Stories that deal with the “important social issues of the day”. (Basically anything that can be discriminated against.

Like, say, a story about the woes of divorce, of drug abuse, disease, old age.

But also all “second rate” stories, that cater to some feeling other that titillation, like most Thrillers, horror stories, crime mysteries, and the like.)

(You gotta keep in mind though, that I use “titillating” as a tag, rather than a genre.

What's the difference? Genres are like cupboards in a drawer, where one story cannot end up in more than one drawer, whereas tags are like coloured paper tags you attach to an object, allowing you to put as many different ones on it as you like.

“The Wire” does both deal with the the “important social issues of the day” --- AND provide titillation. (If you've watched it: Think of the scene where Avon and Stringer first show up in the pits.)

In other words: I don't care what else a story might do, as long as it titillates, it's a titillating series. Or episode. Or part of an episode.)

LEVEL 2

Level 2 is a small subset of Level 1.

All super harmless fantasies like “Superman” are out, until, broadly speaking, we are left with all the good stuff a nicely titillating fantasy novel, like, say, “The Lies of Locke Lamora”, might have to offer.

Petty thieves, - robbers, - drug pushers and - cut throats. Prostitutes and pimps. Prowlers, orphans and street urchins.  Gamblers, Adventurers and mercenaries.

Generally speaking:A state of freedom and lawlessness.

Absence of any kind of supervision. Absence of family in the form of parents and kids.

(Siblings and cousins can be okay.)

Unless a character should end up in prison, or in the army.

With the following classic options for social design:

A situation of lawlessness or near anarchy

Some kind of prison or army situation.

A court-like situation, where everything depends on winning the favour or the person in power.

Absence of bourgeois or middle class life; people typically either on the very bottom, or on the very top of society.

“Scum” as well as idle aristocrats or decadent rich people.

People with lots of free time on their hands; be it because they are in prison, because they can't find a job, because they are filthy rich.

If any of the characters should come anywhere near something even vaguely resembling a school, you can be certain it is for training in some “dark or immoral art”, like receiving his training as an assassin, a courtesan, or, (if need be, since it's fantasy) a training in black magic. (Not a big fan of magic, but oh well. A while ago I came up with a candidate for something that could replace this, that is much more realistic, and that I am a little bit proud of.)

Etc. etc.

You get the picture.

LEVEL 3

Level 3 is again a small subset of Level 2, arrived at by applying two filters:

The first filter is:

The titillating things that are shown have to be realistic, and somewhat in reach from our present day real life situation.

“Potential to seduce, potential to corrupt”.

Unlike, say, stories set in the Middle Ages, or stories that are about super natural or magical powers.

Second filter --- maybe even the more important one:

The titillating things that are shown have to have to do with some secret, strongly felt obsession of the author.

Take “Game of Thrones”, as a counter example.

It's definitely a titillating in the sense of level 1, and it also qualifies for level 2.

There is no shartage of “dark” dodgy things happening, from brutal killings to rape to torture.

But the crucial question for me here is:

For what reasons EXACTLY are these things shown?

Are they A) shown, because they correspond to some deeply rooted, strongly felt obsession of the author, typically of somewhat sexual in nature? Or are they kind of closer to being “played for shock”, “played for surprise”, “played for awesomeness”, “played for entertainment”?

A bit like the way a tourist might look at a beautiful old Italian city, without ever wasting a second thought on it?

It's not JUST about showing “shocking, dark, immoral things”.

In fact, it sometimes seems to me, that the more extreme, the higher the chance that it is shown for something else than tru deeply felt obession or fascination.

Take “Pulp Fcition”, as an example.

Samuel L. Jackson casually shooting that one guy while talking to the other is “super badass”. But it's also a bit of an urban legend. It's played to impress.

Take people like Genet, Mishima, Nabokov or Pasolini as examples, and contrast them to people like Quentin Tarrantino.

Pasolini with his obsession with the lowest group within the Italian working class.

These are my three levels of ���titillatingness”, that I am currently using for myself.

Which of them, if any, might be useful for a larger group of people?

I have no idea, but I would be curious to find out.

[idoldanshi]

Idol Danshi 2nd Chapter: The School is the Worst place to find Potential idols, Maybe

He didn't even need Kou to point out Park Min-jun, he already stood out in the middle of the crowd of people that surrounded him. Well, standing out would be a wrong expression; hoards of squealing girls and hollering boys clapping his back practically swallowed him. Nonetheless, the looks that made him so popular shown vibrantly amongst the crowd. Luscious, wheat-coloured hair cascaded down his shoulders in a loose ponytail, his gym attire altered to look fashionable with a v-neck collar and short shorts. When he stretched, his clothes rode up to show off flawless skin.Hachi sighed in the back of his mind. So he was one of those types of people. Stunning, flawless looks and hung around many people, loved by all. Perfect. Sure, that was the ideal idol, but see, Hachi was not an ideal idol, nor would ever become one. Those types seemed like a faraway, foreign alien species to him that he never wanted contact with. Well, he'd give it to Kou for the effort. Still, his overall aura demanded that people around him be captivated by him, an infinite charm that Hachi resolved was worth getting into his group in that day.

"I have this period with 1-D, so I'll be going now." Kou waved farewell to him and ran off towards a boy with violet highlights in his hair. The gym teacher entered the hall accompanied by students pushing... Were those gymnastic mats?

"Mornin' class. Today we're continuing with last week's gymnastics class. So find your partners from last week and grab a mat." Everyone began shuffling around to their partners, chatting loudly, Before he knew it he was left standing alone.

Along with Park Min-jun, whose eyes were darting around frantically searching for a nonexistent partner and looking unnerved by the situation. It wasn't before long that the teacher realised that too."Min-jun, Hachi," she said, pointing to each of them. "Both of you weren't here last week, so pair up with each other." Min-jun swung towards where the teacher pointed at Hachi and stared at him. His mildly confused expression gave away that he had not been aware of the other's existence until then.

Hachi decided to take the initiative to walk over to him with a mat.

"I've never seen you before" Min-jun's eyes swept up and down his body and gave him one of those judging looks that Hachi thought only scrutinising aunts were capable of making. He shot him a pointed look.

"I haven't been to school in a while. I got retained a year." Hachi replied coolly, laying out the mat. He was way too used to this kind of questions by nosy relatives.

"So your brains are as scrambled as how you look," His eyebrows rose and his lips twisted into a condescending sneer.

"I know, and I don't care," Hachi said with a sigh. Min-jun still hadn't dropped that look that honestly ruined the otherwise attractiveness of his face.

"Well, I don't talk to slobbish people," Min-jun said, laying down on the mat. Hachi sighed internally. Why did someone who possessed so much potential have to be so troublesome?

"Aren't you already talking to me now? Besides, I don't care." Min-jun blanched at Hachi's retort and glared at him.

"Just to let you know, PE is my strong subject. Don't get in my way" Min-jun finally managed to sputter out after a few moments of Hachi smirking silently at him.

"We'll see."

Their conversation that only furthered Hachi's internal resolution that Min-jun was really a popular stuck-up queen was interrupted by the teacher yelling instructions about the class. Apparently, they had to hit a certain number of sit-ups as fast as they could, and the increasing range of numbers were ranked from the highest A to the lowest D.

Min-jun was already crawling onto the mat before the teacher finished the instructions. "Hurry up." He snapped at Hachi, laying down.

Hachi put his knees on his shoes and shortly after that, the teacher started the timer. Immediately there was an immense resistance against his knees as Min-jun powered through his sit-ups.

The mental counter in his head sped along until even though they were only one minute into the exercise he was almost done. Some of the negative energy in Hachi's mind faded. He had to give it to Min-jun, he was indeed very strong. He had never felt such intense strength and Min-jun's steely expression didn't seem to be fading. At least that's what he thought.

Was it just his imagination or was the pressure on his knees decreasing? Drips of sweat forming on the sides of Min-jun's face and his breathing became more laboured. His movements had become slower and his face had deepened into a red flush.

"Dude, are you okay?" Hachi questioned after Min-jun let out a worrisome cough.

"I'm fine!" He snapped back, clearly not fine as he could barely get up from the ground. "Only a few more to go," Hachi encouraged, and Min-jun tried to continue, but failed. He laid back and panted heavily, all energy seemingly spent.

Aha, so stamina was the all pristine ruler's weakness.

Around them, classmates were almost starting to finish up. Min-jun's eyes darted around worryingly and tried to pull himself up.

"You don't have to do so many you know," Hachi said as Min-jun tried once again in vain to get up. "Shut up. Someone like you won't understand." He said the last few words in between pants as he finally managed to pull himself to do one more. Wow, so turns out he wants to save his face. Still, it was obvious did not have any power left in him to get through the last few at this rate. His pupils were dilating, his eyes unconsciously closing. Hair once glossy stuck to his face and shoulders from sweat. His breath was falling short, and thinking quickly, Hachi made a decision.

"Teach! Min-jun is done! Grade A!"

Min-jun looked at him with his eyes wide in surprise, but the other students didn't notice anything off and instead oohed and aahed at his fast completion. Even the teacher didn't seem surprised and just nodded in comprehension.Coughing heavily, he hesitated at Hachi's outreached hand, but Hachi didn't wait for a response and pulled him up.

"What was that about?" Min-jun inquired. Min-jun stared him incredulously, mouth agape like a fish.

"Let's make a bet. If I beat you in these sit-ups, I win some of your time and you have to listen to me." Min-jun looked skeptical, but with a huff, he said, "Fine! You have a deal. As if you can."Hachi smirked the first time in a long while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The results didn't even need to announced.

Hachi nearly burst out laughing at the sight of Min-jun's indignant face. Red had coated his cheeks and made them look puffed up, and he looked like he was about to explode any moment. Without saying a word, he grabbed Hachi's phone and took out his own, and when Hachi got it back, it had a new contact saved into it as well as a note.

Hachi blinked, surprised at what it read.

"Meet me at the Okatani at 3 pm this Saturday." Attached to the text was a link to the location of this place, yet Hachi had no idea where that was. The directory described the place to be a traditional tea house that also functioned as an inn.

"The Hill Valley?" Curiously, the name Okatani was formed by the Japanese kanji for those two characteristics, 岡谷. Why on earth such a contrasting name?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hachi now knew exactly how the Okatani got its name now, unfortunately.

The Okatani was situated in a valley hollowed out from a singular hill. That meant no access from the ground, and overgrown grass covered the slopes that surrounded it. In the middle was a dusty street with small old shops, and at the corner was a little tea house with a large cloth banner in front with the characters "岡谷". Behind it stood the tallest building on the street which was the three-storey inn that the inn was attached to.

Annoyingly, it took him forever to climb the hill and by the time he made it to the little inn, it was already 3. Maybe later. He had been climbing so long, his mind had lost the concept of time. His legs ached, and so for what seemed the hundredth time since he started climbing, under his breath, he cursed Min-jun and his ridiculous taste in out of the way places.

Pushing past the cloth banner and the glass door behind it, he entered the quaint little structure, the fragrant aroma of tea wafting to his nose, and for a while, it calmed just a little bit of his spirit. Bamboo made up the interior walls and the warmness in contrast with the cold winter outside formed the cosiest atmosphere. Smoke from the contact of hot steam and cold air curled around. The smell of something delicious cooking instantly created a hunger that had not been present moments before.

"You're late," Min-jun rose from the waiting bench dressed up in a disgustingly pretentious heavy traditional light blue robe. He had the absolutely most infuriating smug smirk poorly hidden behind his raised sleeve, his voice laced with condescension. 
That prompted the start of Hachi's habit to be at least half an hour early to every appointment."Ah! Young master Park! I see your guest has arrived!" A cheery voice sounded from the kitchen, and a waiter in his mid-twenties popped up clutching a menu. Turning to Hachi, he continued, "My name is Chouna Sawahara, and I'm the son of the owner of this tea house and inn. Park here is a welcomed guest of this establishment, and this privilege extends to you too. This way, the two of you!" He guided the two of them towards the main room.

Groups of elderly and families packed the main room enjoying tea and a large variety of colourful tasty looking treats. Tatami mats covered the floor and the customers sat on cushions on the floor before low coffee tables. Along the way, they shouted orders at Chouna for orders of second helpings, third helpings, some even fourth, and Chouna replied them all. Hachi had to admire waiters and their extensive memory.

Chouna eventually led them into a private room right at the back that opened using a paper sliding door. The interior of this room, much unlike the humble appearance of the main hall, was decorated with artsy paintings, skilful sculptures, and banners of beautiful calligraphy. Luxurious velvet cushions were laid out on the floor before a large table meant to hold plentiful food. A fancy chandelier hung from the ceiling, illuminating the room below.

Min-jun, looking utterly unfazed by the spectacular display as if it were no more than a daily occurrence, took a seat in a pile of cushions on one end, the thick heavy layers of his sky blue robe fanning out beneath him like a flower. Hachi not as gracefully settled himself into the other pile.

"Well then, Chouna, I'll trust for you to bring me the usual"

"Right away sir," with that, Chouna disappeared into another door that seemingly led to the kitchen.

They sat in silence for a moment. Min-jun seemed pleased for the first time ever and did not look like he would appreciate being interrupted in the cozy atmosphere.

"So…about what we wanted to talk about…" Hachi broke the silence.

"Shh. It's going to start soon." Min-jun held out a hand to silence him. Hachi was about to retort what in the world he was talking about when it happened.

The sweetest melodious singing poured from the kitchen. Much like an enhanced version of the calming effect that the Okatani had, Hachi felt all the worries and tension he didn't even know he had leave his body. Hachi recognised the tune to be a traditional folk song, but the sound was so beautiful the scratchy voice of the original elderly male singer sounded worlds apart.

The two didn't even realise when the singing stopped and the door slid open, too immersed in the after-effects of the music. Out came a server carrying a platter of pots, cups and tea leaves, face covered by a veil.

Wordlessly, the platter was set before them on the table. The tea server gave them a hint of a warm smile under the veil and begun the tea ceremony.

Hachi wasn't very familiar with the upper-class posh tea ceremony, tea so far had been something gulped down after a tiring midnight practice session, but apparently, the crockery had to be arranged in a certain pretentious manner or the ceremony would be ruined. The tea server did what should have been a mediocre task with extreme importance, gingerly performing each task with utmost focus.

At last, when everything had been prepared, steaming cups of tea were placed before each of them and the tea server bowed out of the room.

Hachi took the cup with both hands and took a sip. Steam wafted into his face and it seemed like all was at peace. There was definitely something he was disregarding…

"Right, about what I wanted to tell you today…" Hachi looked up from his tea.

"Yeah?" Min-jun looked mildly annoyed now that the topic for discussion had been brought to the table.

Hachi explained his plans to him, and Min-jun's face cringed, his face twisting into rather interesting formations of expressions.

“Oh my... Sorry, but no way. I’m way too expensive to do something of that nature. You’ve got to try harder than that,” Min-jun popped a powdered mochi into his mouth. 

“But...” His looks were perfect. Where else was Hachi going to find someone like that? And his body was conditioned to do exercise pretty well.

"Let me make myself clear. I am not at all interested in what you are suggesting, I never will, and to think you even considered I would do so is a magnificent error of judgment on your part.  I will never associate with someone who gets involved in such immorality and self-centredness!"

There were sudden loud footsteps and Min-jun took a breather from his rant. "Ah, that must be the food," he said, sitting back on his fort of cushions. Right on cue, both doors burst open. Standing at the door to the kitchen was indeed the server with a platter of hot steaming food. However, at the other door was an uninvited guest, whom Hachi knew was not wanted precisely because he looked like the exact example of someone who lacked basic values and acted on his own selfish wants.

The male was a gross pig of a man all appearances considered. A lit cigar stuck out of the corner of the corner of his mouth, the smoke it emitted stinking its way to Hachi's nose. His face was red and sweating profusely, much like a melting tomato. His pudgy body was squashed into a suit obviously too small for him, squeezing his stomach like a cage with an expanding balloon inside it. With the cigar still inside his mouth, his face contorted with anger, he bellowed, 

"Park Min-jun! I've been looking for you!"