#so i’ve decided that my lowest grade will be the zero that i’m going to get right now

[anna-scribbles]

ANNA WRITE YOUR PAPER OMG-

to everyone concerned about my paper due tonight: i’ve decided i won’t be writing it. please understand that miraculous brainrot is a very real burden to bear

[feralnumberfive]

I expect no one to read this at all. It’s more of a way to get some feelings off of my chest. This is a look into my personal life and what I went through in 2020. I cried quite a bit while writing this, haha.

My farewell letter to 2020:

To you 2020, the year that shook the world. You’re certainly one to go down in the record books. You changed my life as you did to everyone. To you, the month of March. I had hit the lowest part in my life since the shock of my parent's divorce 11 years ago. My beloved cat had died in October of 2019, a few days short of our one year anniversary of fostering him, which soon turned into us adopting him. It was sudden and unexpected. I still can remember clear as day that horrid call I got from my sister from the vet. “Hey, we need you to come up here. It’s kidney failure.” As she spoke through her tears, I instantly began to cry. I had felt sad for months after that. 

In December of 2019, the adoptive dad of one of my closest friends committed suicide. She was torn apart, having had three people she knew died earlier that year. I stood by her side and watched her cry. We colored together in the counseling room, making small talk and doing anything I could to comfort her. 

From late February into March, another one of my closest friends revealed to me a traumatic experience she went through. She had been raped by a classmate of mine, one who I considered to be good acquaintances. She was a grade younger than me, and was practically completely dependent on me and my friend, as she was too scared to tell her parents. She eventually completely relied on my friend as I became shoved out of the problem. Her story and the amount of support required from her, which she never gave back to me throughout our friendship, made me realize at that moment I had hit rock bottom. I was tired and so sick of it all. This sentence that I'm about to say is one I've never admitted to anyone: I didn't want to be around anymore, or at least alive. I needed somewhere to escape. I didn't want to commit suicide due to expectations I held upon myself. I was also too scared to commit suicide. 

I finally admitted I needed help, which was scary for me to do. In March of you, 2020, I was diagnosed with situational depression. I was soon put on an anti-depressant. It felt good to put a name on it, but little did I know I would pay the price for my relief. Preparing to go off to college, I needed to get a First Class Medical Certificate in order to apply to the flight program at the colloege I wanted to go to. I went and got my FAA Medical Certificate done, ticking off the boxes on my journey to fulfill my life long dream of becoming a pilot. 

Spring Break came and after watching schools around me close, it was announced that we wouldn't be returning until mid April, and then the end of April, then until May. I quickly realized it wasn't possible to return and that unbeknownst to me I had already spent the last days of my Senior year at school in March. A frantic question was suddenly formed amongst my classmates and soon the world: Will the class of 2020 graduate? I, being burnt out, didn't care what would happen to me or my class. We soon became a laughing stock and a sight to pity around the world. Class of 2020, Corona Class, The Class that would be telling this story to their kids. It didn't matter to me. As I held up the “Class of 2020″ shirt my uncle got me with the zeros as tp rolls, I sighed. I just wanted to graduate without getting laughed at. Spoiler Alert: That didn't happen. 

Around this time I ended my friendship with the girl who I cherished but didn't cherish me back. I still to this day can’t exactly understand why I did that. I blocked her and left without saying goodbye. That wasn’t the right thing to do at all. She had been raped and needed support, but here I was leaving her. She always needed and wanted my support but never gave it back. It was always “Aw you have a problem? Here, let’s try this minimal effort plan to help you. That didn’t work? Oh well, let’s get back to me.” This is no excuse at all for my actions of cutting her off. I really still don’t know why I did this. I had hung out with her everyday in the summer of 2019. Here I was, easily letting her go. Jackie, I’m so sorry. I hope you are doing well and get into ISU to follow your dreams of being an engineer. 

In May I received news that still hurts and effects me to this day. I had been denied my Medical Certificate. It wasn't due to me being on an antidepressant, is was due to the fact that I was depressed. This was soul crushing news, but there was still a chance I could reapply for the Medical Certificate if I jumped through multiple hoops. May also provided the announcement that my safe haven in Oshkosh, Wisconsin wouldn't be happening this year. It was definitely understandable due to the virus, but still very saddening to me. It’s really the only thing I look forward to each year, but I understood and agreed on why it was canceled for 2020.

In June I got the news that a beloved teacher of my family and I passed away due to a heart attack and complications of Addison’s Disease. She was the best math teacher I had ever had, and the best in my High School. Math is my worst subject, but she never made me feel stupid like the other math teachers. She always made sure I understood what I was doing. Sometimes when she didn’t feel like having class she would have a free day. She would gossip with my classmates and tell us stories of her youth. Sometimes though she would give us free days due to having intense migraines that sometimes hospitalized her due to her disease. It wasn’t fun to see her like that. 

In June she was hospitalized where even her husband and two kids weren’t allowed in to see her. The only person allowed into her before she died was her twin brother. The family decided to have a public funeral, with tons of people in the community and school district socially distancing and wearing masks to pay their respect. I began to cry as I listened to her husband tell everyone that he wasn't ready and was so scared to be a single parent. Their children were both under ten, and were now motherless. Mrs. Johnson it was so hard saying goodbye to you. I loved you so much, and I still do. You gave my friend who had lost her dad food and comfort. You did so much not only for my family and I, but for everyone in the community and school district. I miss you so much. 

Hot days came with hazy skies. Everyday I checked the wildfire smoke map as I watched the sun turn bright pink as the sun became a blazing red when the sun went down. For weeks our sky looked hazy. Some days looked cloudy, but it was actually smoke. As someone who lives the Midwest, this was quite surprising. 

In August I experienced something that will forever be remembered by me and everyone who lives in my state. A Derecho tore through and ravaged my hometown and the state that I dearly love. We watched through the window as trees snapped in half and branches and leaves whirled around everywhere. We watched through the window as water roared down the road, appearing as if a stream had started right next to us. We watched in fear as shingles were torn off and large items were blown through our yard. As the electricity flickered out, we wondered if we would be crushed by either tree that were on two sides of our house. Wet leaves were torn apart and slammed into our window, where they stayed there for a month afterwards. They looked like confetti, torn into thousands of tiny pieces. 

To the branches and trees I still see today in the neighboring towns and cities, broken reminders of the damage done. To you, the metal grain bins that still sit out in the flattened cornfields. Our once tall and proud cornfields that are a proud symbol of my state were now flattened to the ground, completely parallel to the rich farming soil that it stood in. Painting the countryside in flat waves of green with splotches of silver from grain bins and white from barns and houses damaged. Our proud stalks became damaged goods that costed us billions. To the buildings that still show their battle scars from months ago, the houses with the tarps on their roofs and the old wooden barns that couldn't handle the 140 mph. To you, Donald J, Trump, the President of the United States who was supposed to tour Cedar Rapids to exam the damage that still lies there today. You stayed in the airport and immediately left after getting your business done. You didn't care about us, you were there to do business and leave to start your campaigning.

My small town was able to clean up within a month or so, but even still TODAY the bigger cities are littered with damage. There are tree trunks and branches scattered along roads. Thousands of houses still have tarps on their houses and siding missing. 

In August my grandma was also diagnosed with Dementia. I've watched her deteriorate over the past few months. Every time we call she forgets that I’m not in school. Sometimes she forgets my name. When we tell her we’re on our way to visit outside her window, she forgets within 10 minutes. Grandma, I hope you never forget that I love you.

In September I finally met with a therapist. I am so thankful to be working with her. After months of my family getting angry and upset at me for being scared to go to the store, my therapist diagnosed me with Social Anxiety. I was so relieved to be diagnosed with it and to be working out the issues I have with my therapist. We work together weekly to help me become a better and more comfortable version of myself. 

Over the summer months the health of my already diseased cat took a steep decline. She was my cat, and I felt powerless as I slowly watched her die. She could no longer stay inside due to her having constant accidents. As we made our plan to take her to the vet to give her a peaceful death, I received a heartbreaking call from my mother on a cold September night. My little Jill had passed away in her sleep on our porch. I came over to say goodbye to my baby as I pet her cold fur one last time. I love you my little Jilly Bean and I miss you everyday. I miss and love you so so so much. 

September also brought the news that a precious B-25 had a crash landing. It always hurts to hear about a Warbird crashing or getting damaged. I was happy to hear though that they were going to fix it back to airworthiness.

In October I had to make a difficult decision with the FAA. Do I try to visit four different doctors for phycological examinations in order to complete my Medical Certificate or do I wait to get off my medicine and start feeling better on my own? I opted for the second part due to the decline of visiting all of those doctors coming up in November. We had been given that option early in the year, but Covid prevented us from traveling out of state to see those doctors. I sent a letter to the FAA to let them know what I was doing. I received a letter about a month ago that stated that I still needed to visit those doctors or something like that. I honestly didn’t look through it that well because it’s just such a pain in the butt.

Another thing about you 2020 is that you provided me with he opportunity to meet amazing people. I began to watch The Umbrella Academy in September, but I decided to make my account on October 1st. I’ve met tons of funny and talented people on here. The show itself had provided me tons of comfort. It has given me the courage to start writing fanfiction for it along with starting back up on drawing fanart

The end of 2020 has slowed down for me. One of my aviation heroes died this year, Mr. Chuck Yeager. It was heartbreaking for me to hear that. One of the worst days for me was ironically on my birthday in December. I felt really bitter and down and just wanted to sit in my room, but I didn’t. I don’t like celebrating my birthday anymore. As I get older it feels less and less special and in turn I feel sad about it. Another reason why is that I don’t like having a fuss made about it. I don’t like the attention from it haha. It’s okay though because even though this year I felt upset I eventually felt a bit happier as it turned to night. 

This year I witnessed history being made. Let me be clear that history is made every year, but this year was very eventful. I witnessed innocent black lives being slaughtered by the very people who are sworn to protect everyone. It’s so disappointing and soul crushing to see all of this. I don’t know if I’ve made it clear on here, but I strongly stand with the BLM movement. I may not understand what they haven been going through for decades, but I stand with them to make things right. Black Lives Matter, not All Lives. All Lives only matter when it’s actually true and Black Lives are included. If you saw a house on fire in an entire block of houses, you wouldn’t say “All Houses Matter!” No they don’t, that house on fire matters. Black Lives Fucking Matter, and All Cops Are Bastards.

To you, the Pledge of Allegiance. Everyday in elementary school I proudly held my right hand over my heart as I stared up at Old Glory and recited you. This year helped me realize that “With liberty and justice for all.” is total bullshit. The only thing I truly appreciate about my country now is the scenery and nature it provides. 

To you 2020, as I finish writing this letter on December 31st. You’ve made me cry a lot, including right now. You’ve deeply effected my life and brought me lots of sorrow. Despite all of this, I don't feel upset about you. Yes, you gave me some events that will always haunt me but that’s okay. 2020 even though you’ve hurt me, you’ve also shaped me. Yes, you also made my lose faith in my country and humanity, but I can only hope for the best. You’ve pushed me to become a better version of myself. 

So to you 2020, you’ve been a hell of a year. I’ve hated and loved you, but mostly hated you. I went through some shit, but others have gone through worse this year. To those of you who have had a very hard time this year, I love you. I sincerely hope things get better for you. Friend or stranger, you can always rely on me as someone to talk to, to rant or vent to, and to cry to. This year was excruciating, but don’t give up. It has ended and a new year has begun. Sure 2021 may also be bad and we’re all exhausted from 2020, but let’s fight till the end. 

[inkofamethyst]

May 21, 2020

Day 142 of the Cute Campaign: ...I need to pick myself up.  On the bright side, I did my hair last night and while it does feel really tight and make me look a little like Mickey Mouse, these are the biggest puffballs I’ve ever done and they do look really cute.

Day 70 of quarantine: uuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh now that I’m not doing anything (will change in nine days with the start of my ~climate change anthropology class~), I’m feeling it even more.  Like, being cooped up in the house while doing work all the time is one thing, but being cooped up in the house without a rigid structure is another.

Alright guys.  Don’t hold your breaths because it could just be a lucky fluke, but, I think I’ve got an A in organic chemistry?  Now, now, hear me out.  I just checked my unofficial transcript, right?  To see the damage on my GPA from the A- that I thought I’d earned in the class.  To my surprise, I see a regular old A sitting there across from the course.  My other two courses that have grades in (humanities and anatomy 2) both have A+ grades, as expected, and now... I’m not sure whether there was some sort of 3% curve applied to the class (which is a big curve considering the fact that the prof said on the first day that he didn’t curve), or...

Now, it’s possible that there’s been a mistake.  I don’t know how grade inputs work, whether it’s automatic from Canvas or if a professor has to manually input grades.  I didn’t receive any notice that a curve would be applied, especially not one that substantial.  The class must have performed really poorly compared to other semesters or something for me to go from the lowest possible A- to an A... or maybe he just decided to give us all a break?  Or maybe that an A was an A?  Or maybe there was a mistake putting my grade in???

I performed in the top 50% consistently for the class.  According to his general grade distribution, ~50% of students for this class earn an A-/A/A+. Only another ~30% end up in the B/+/- range.  A little over 25% of the class earns a solid A, while a little under 10% earn an A+ and ~10% earn an A-.  So, I’m definitely not in the top 10%.  But I could be right in that 25% sweet spot for our class and he decided to curve because of Miss Rona.  Maybe.

tl;dr I got an A instead of an A- in organic chemistry on my unofficial transcript and I don’t know why, though I should probably just not worry about it and accept the grade I’ve been given even if it changes back to an A- due to a mistake.

Audio drama time!  Finished We’re Alive!  I know I’d complained about it quite a bit early on, but I think it ended on an extremely high note.  The quality throughout the show was very high, and I really liked all of the characters (eventually, anyway).  I will say that burying Scratch alive only to check on her every day while she starves to death... that’s terrifying.  Literally gave me shivers.

After that I listened to the latest Night Vale saga all in one and it was really really good.  The one with the Pilot?  Yeah... excellent and satisfactory.

After that I’ve been listening to Zero Hours and those have been fantastic as well.  Hearing the Wolf359 crew in different roles again... yeah, good stuff.  I listened to the 2019 on last night and it was wild but I loved it.  I think I’m learning quite a bit about pacing and characterization and character introductions.  I don’t know what I’ll be starting next.  Preferably something completed.  

So, yeah.  That’s about it for today.  Stay tuned for updates on orgo thing if anything comes of it.

Today I’m thankful to be in a position where I can afford to take classes over the summer.  Some people have to use their summers to earn money, and while I do need to get on with the emailing for anthropology-based opportunities and the scholarship essays (ughhhh), I’m just super grateful for the position I’m in.  While I probably could’ve done a bit more forward planning (...I could’ve been two classes into my potential anth major instead of one by the start of the fall semester had I planned better), this experience should still be really really fun!

[mildlincrs]

hi, tumblr — it's been (way longer than) a minute, but i'm back from the chaotic journey that was junior year! and with that, i wanted to continue what i started with my advice for rising freshmen and rising sophomores; i’ll be writing a final post for rising seniors once i (theoretically) finish high school.

note: i'm currently attending high school in the united states, so there are certain points i mention that may not apply to you if you aren't also studying in the u.s., but i still hope that you get something out of this post!

note 2: this post is pretty long -- a lot longer than the previous advice posts -- and also pretty personal. i go in-depth on what junior year was like for me (spoiler: not great), and subsequently, i have plenty of advice to help avoid some of what i ended up experiencing. 

my junior year experience

for reference, click [here] a list of my junior year classes (along with classes i’ve taken and plan to take). i took two ap courses, and the rest of my courses with the exception of band were honors courses. 

to be blunt -- junior year was one of my worse years of high school, academically and mentally. sophomore year was definitely one of my lowest points, too, but junior year was really shitty in a lot of ways. i was busy working (trying to) nearly all the time, and i found myself constantly under stress, struggling to maintain my grades -- especially in my calculus and physics classes. at a certain point in the year, i subconsciously stopped caring, i think, to the point where i couldn’t focus at all when i was working, instead opting to do things that were considerably less productive. i’d study for up to five minutes at a time, only to stress myself out of studying and go to sleep -- yes, i stressed myself to sleep. other nights, i’d stay up doing absolutely nothing, in spite of the massive amounts of work and studying i still had left to do. i was close to failing my physics class, at one point, too, and physics was arguably the class i studied and worked the hardest for.

another reason that this year was pretty terrible for me was the fact that i was recovering from several injuries. in june of 2018, i injured my knees -- for reasons i’d prefer not to disclose -- and though they were healing over the summer, with marching band, the injuries were only exacerbated. if you want an idea of how bad they were, i struggled to simply walk short distances if i didn’t have any sort of support. marching band is basically dignified, faster walking, so you can imagine the kind of stress that i was under. because of this, i had to stop dancing and take a season of winter guard off -- two of my biggest emotional releases in life. without both of those things for over six months, i felt pretty directionless, and i ended up relapsing (i have chronic depression). that along with the business of junior year made life feel pretty damn miserable. physical therapy didn’t help me, i had virtually no time to schedule a meeting with a therapist or other mental health professional, and i was exhausted 24/7. 

all this being said, junior year still had its good moments! i got to take two astronomy semester courses, both of which only reinforced my love for astronomy  -- i’ll be doing astronomy-related research in the fall - i got to play some pretty damn good music in band, qualified and made all-state band for the first time, and i became closer with my best friends and got to make new ones. i completed a year-long research paper (while missing quite a few deadlines on the way) that turned into what’s probably the most vulnerable piece of writing i’ve ever produced (message me if you’re interested in reading it!), and i didn’t fail any of my classes. good stuff. 

more on not failing my classes: 2nd semester was kind of weird for me, in that my grades went up in some classes, but slowly sort of decreased in others. for example -- i studied and worked my ass off trying to improve my calculus grade during 1st semester, but my exhaustion caused me to fall asleep during a lot of classes, meaning that i would always miss the material being taught, and by the time i got home that day, i was so exhausted that i would just fall asleep until the next morning, not even bothering to figure out what i had missed during class. with physics, worked harder than i ever had during 1st semester, but i continued to receive low scores on tests and heavily relied on my lab and quiz grades to keep me afloat. i cared less about japanese more and more, (which SUCKS because i really loved the class and language but my effort just went downhill) and i can distinctly remember not studying for several of the tests that were administered, and as such, receiving subpar scores. i did, however, pass all of my finals and ap exams, which was definitely a plus. 

tldr: my work ethic went to shit, and i salvaged it somewhat, at the cost of losing a lot of sleep and not eating for multiple days at a time WHICH IS NOT HEALTHY. DON’T DO THIS PLEASE. junior year was worse than sophomore year in a lot of ways, but i fucking MADE IT so who’s the real winner here

advice for junior year

my number one piece of advice is to take care of yourself. you’ve probably heard it before, but that’s because you should do it. i’m 100% serious when i say that it can really make a difference. i mentioned that i lost a lot of sleep and didn’t eat sometimes during the school year, and because of that, i was super super sick at one point which only made my mental health worse, which only decreased my ability to focus and work properly. please stay healthy ahh like hydrate, get some mf sleep, and eat well! if you have to choose between studying for a test and sleeping at 3am, then go the fuck to sleep. and it’s not just about being healthy enough to do well in school! it’s literally your own wellbeing. put your physical and mental needs first, no matter what.

for ap courses: highly recommend looking on the collegeboard website for practice questions! the website also outlines the test structures, which i found helpful for me when i was studying for the exams. if you’re hoping to score a 4 or 5 on your ap exams, it’s in your best interests to go in prepared as possible. iirc the website also provides overviews of all the content that should be studied/is covered on the exam, which can help structure your studying, too!

another thing on ap courses: while if you score well enough on ap exams, you might be able to transfer those credits to your college courses (if you enroll at a u.s. college), i wouldn’t recommend loading your schedule with ap courses. they’re college-level courses for a reason; they will be fast-paced and involve a lot of work on your part. a rule that i used when deciding what ap courses i would take in high school: if i didn’t particularly like the subject, then i took the honors version of the course. otherwise, if i felt like i could challenge myself, was interested in the course, and if it was available, then i signed up for it. i knew from sophomore year that i wasn’t good at dealing with both school and my mental health, so i recognized that i’d need to lessen my ap coursework as much as possible so that i didn’t throw myself into an even worse situation (i took zero aps sophomore year). 

don’t spread yourself too thin involving yourself in things in and out of school. sort of similar to my philosophy of not overloading my schedule, i made sure that i only committed myself to extracurriculars that i cared about and enjoyed doing. i personally marched my third season of marching band, and remained involved in my school’s urban dance club as much as possible (though when i took a break from dancing, that was definitely harder, but towards the end of the year, i was able to participate in a few performances with my friends). i also participated in an outside wind ensemble every week, and that was plenty for me -- i had a lot of music to practice both for that group and my school’s band, and then i had to balance THAT with practicing music for private lessons & auditions, and with schoolwork. i know there are people who are involved in so many extracurriculars, which i wouldn’t recommend. devote yourself to what you love in high school; that will also give you something worth writing about in things such as college applications! better to pursue what you love with passion and authenticity than to sign-up for a club for the clout even if you’re not remotely interested in it. 

if it’s offered where you live, i would recommend taking the sat and/or act during your junior year. i’d also recommend taking subject tests if you have the time for it. the earlier you take these tests, the more likely you are to have an opportunity to retake them if you don’t score as well as you hope. you can also start taking these tests during sophomore year -- i took sat subject tests in june of my sophomore year, took the sat twice during junior year, and i will be taking the act in july. i’ll also be retaking an sat subject test and taking a completely new one. 

while it may be daunting, start thinking about college -- whether you want to go to college or not, where or what you’d like to study, etc. since i plan on majoring in music, i started researching sort of early so that i could give myself enough time to finalize a list of the colleges i am applying to and the repertoire i need to learn and practice for auditions. but regardless of what you decide to do with your future, no one is expecting you to have every step of your life labeled out. things can change, and that’s okay! that’s literally how life works. definitely reach out to your counselors if you want advice from them! i’d also recommend sitting down with your parents and talking about the college application process with them and what they can do to help you.

there’s a lot of pressure during junior year -- it’s the last full year of high school before college applications, and typical for students to be busy 110% of the time. that said, find time for yourself to destress and do nothing school or work-related. if it helps, schedule specific times of the day where you just relax and do something that makes you happy. finding a work-life balance can really make a difference (i say, not having one, though i have many friends who talk about this to me).

if you need help with anything at all -- talk to someone about it! feeling super stressed and shitty? talk to someone you trust, whether they’re your closest friend or a teacher (which reminds me, if you plan on asking a teacher for a rec, take time to talk with them if you can, it makes a difference). you are not alone. i know for some people (especially for me, actually), it can be super difficult to open up about what you’re dealing with, but it’s arguably better than trying to push your way through it all on your own.

best of luck during your junior year -- i believe in you<3

love, fei

[delightfulpetals]

Even though I’ve been battling this monster since I was fifteen, I’ve never been able to speak to a wider audience. But this year I wanted to say something and I couldn’t find the words during National Eating Disorder week. This year has been the most violent and beautiful battle I’ve ever had with myself on mental, physical, and spiritual levels. So while this has been a part of me for a long time I’ve never been able to openly admit that I have an eating disorder. But I do. I have an eating disorder. My closest friends know. Mostly because they’ve been there to keep me afloat. To make me my favorite meal because they thought there was a better chance of me eating it. To remind me that my heart is the most beautiful thing about me. And to sit me down when it was time to make a decision: go to inpatient or pull myself out of this hole. I should back up a bit though.

I’ve had three major episodes in my life: ages 15, 18, and 23. The first started when I was in the locker room after P.E. and I overheard two girls whispering about how I was a “fat dyke.” (Also friendly reminder, I’m bisexual and have been openly out since 7th grade, but that’s not what this post is about). At that point I was pretty slender and short. I spent summers highly physically active doing theatre and aerial acrobatics. I was also active on stage doing performances and taking dance classes. But still at 15 years old I was terrified of that word: fat. Because fat meant ugly. And ugly meant no one was going to love me. And if no one was going to love me then I was going to spend my entire life alone. So I stopped eating. Well aside from meals that were witnessed at home I never really ate. Or I was throwing it up right after. Or obsessively working out to compensate. I wanted to look beautiful on my sweet 16 so later down the line I could look and think about how thin and beautiful I was. But honestly, I hate looking at those photos now. I can’t remember just how much fun that night was anymore. I just look and I see a sad, empty girl with sunken eyes filled with insecurity. There’s one photo where I can remember exactly what I was thinking as it was snapped, “Do I look fat?” I was 16 at the first peak of my eating disorder.

Fast foreword. I was a heading into my sophomore year and decided I wanted to join a sorority. But how was I going to do that? I had zero self confidence, spent nearly 100% of my time with the guy I was dating, and worst of all: I had gained about 25 pounds my freshman year. I was terrified. So I gradually started cutting more and more out of my diet. Soda. Fast food. Carbs. And then I found my new love: calorie counting. I counted what was in everything. I couldn’t eat past a certain number of calories. Eventually I was consuming no more then 600 calories a day and working out for two hours in the middle of the night fueled by Red Bull. This didn’t stop after rush tho. To keep the weight off I lived off of coffee and any bottle of dieting pills I could get my hands on. It continued until the summer going into my junior year. I got so good at hiding how much I was struggling. Because “I wasn’t sick, I was just getting rid of bad eating habits.”

The last big relapse I had started in February 2017. I had gotten an amazing opportunity to portray a boy on stage. A role always written for a boy, but they chose me! A girl! I never thought I’d get to play a male role that I wanted. But the one thing I kept wondering was how on earth was this curvy woman supposed to play a little boy? So I tried to straighten out some of my curves by once again cutting out fast food and other sugar drinks. Focusing on water and getting in my fruits and veggies. It wasn’t a big deal at first. But then he calorie counting started again. I ain’t only fruits, vegetables, and chicken breast. If I ate anything other than that I cried about it and felt like a failure. I worked out every day on top of being in a physically demanding show. I didn’t realize I had opened up a door I couldn’t close until it was too late. The picture on the left is from March 2017 exactly two years ago where I hit my lowest weight in years. Out the outside to most people I looked happy. But that was because I was skinny. I was happy being skinny. Instead of hanging out with my friends at a party, I spent multiple trips to the bathroom analyzing my body and praying there was a scale to make sure I hadn’t gained weight. But that face in the photo on the left was self hatred. Disappointment. That was still wishing my right hip was smoother and that there was less fat in my armpit. That was sadness.

It’s 2019. I go to therapy nearly every week. I eat healthy, but I also eat what I want for the most part. I go to the gym because I have a physically demanding job. I work hard because I want to treat my body the same way I would treat my best friend. I want to be healthy and life a long full life where I get to enjoy every moment and not worry about my weight. I’m no longer consumed with, “How many calories are in that?” Or, “I’m going to look so ugly if I keep eating this way.” I just want to enjoy living.

I took the photo on the right this morning. I can honestly say this is the happiest and healthiest (mentally AND physically) I have ever been. But the disordered thoughts never go away. That little voice that tries so hard to tell me I’m ugly or that I should go do 300 crunches for what I just ate. Oh yeah she’s there. Some moments she wins. But I continue to fight back with her because I might not be skinner, but I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I’ve ever been.

[shegotanidleworld-blog]

Test. First Entry. Test.

Hi! This is my first entry on this blog. First and foremost, i just wanted to tell you that i am not really a writer. I usually ran out of words. I'm not also good in grammar, sentence structures and other literary stuff. So please, don't judge me. The world itself is a big judge so please, don't add on that. HAHAHA as if there will be someone who's gonna read this (aside from me).

So, okay. enough for the chit-chats. why did i even create this blog in the first place? well just for the reason that i wanted to lighten this load in my heart. corny isn't it? yeah. maybe the world needs some corny-ness haha. i'm just really stressed out on my job. i'm always depressed, really. i feel like i'm worthless, useless, everything 'less'. i feel like i'm not good enough at anything. i feel lost. i dunno if this is normal for every millenial on their 20's. i'm 24 btw. Twenty-four. but it seems like my life has still no direction. is this normal? am i rushing on things? i really don't know. i just feel like i don't like my job anymore. i wanted to quit. but where am i going after? like i've said, i'm not good at anything. I graduated as an Electronics engineer and passed the board exams but i pursued a career on IT. i'm really lost in the IT world and it feels like i don't fit in here but i don't want to risk my career if I go back on track to the course that i graduated. I'm a coward, right? I've been working in the IT field for two years and I'm afraid to go back to zero if ever i decided to have a shift of career. waaaah I really don't know what to do. everything seems blurry. it's as if as i'm getting older, i'm also becoming more and more useless. every decision i make feels so damn wrong.

As a kid, everyone around me makes me feel that I'm gifted. I often hear them say that i'm smart and intelligent. During my elementary days, i am a consistent top student. I even graduated as a valedictorian of our batch! haha can you believe that? I've got tons of medals! I'm the best in almost every subject. best in english, best in math, best in filipino, and so on and so forth I just didn't get that best in science award! haha when I reached high school and transferred to Manila (yep, i grew up in the province), it's when i started to become a normie. my intelligence is only relative to my classmates in the province :( I'm still in the first section (cream-of-the-crop as they say) but i'm no longer the best in everything tho i am still getting some good grades - my lowest grade is 80 on my entire high school life! and a consistent star-section student. Fast forward to college and i even got dumber! haha i'm not really good at math but since i got a twisted mind (and a bit of arrogance), i pursued an engineering course. up to this day, i'm still thinking --- what if i chose a different path? what if i chose another course? say in business, medicine, IT, or whatever? would i have a better job? would i love my job? would i be not depressed just like i am today? those will be my unanswered questions.

Oh, i didn't realize that i've been blabbering a lot! haha i'll try to write again next time. maybe it would help me to lessen my depression when i blurted out my emotions on this blog.

Bye for now! Thanks for your time. :)

[lovemesomesurveys]

What do you think about your current relationship status? I’m single and I think it’s for the best right now. I just... I’m a mess, ya’ll. I have a lot to focus on and take of health wise. I just couldn’t give the time and energy for a relationship and it would not be fair for the guy involved. My friendships have crumbled because of me, so I definitely couldn’t handle a relationship. No one would want to deal with me anyway.

What does your dream person look like? Please don’t leave out the details. How do they act? I just would like someone patient, loving, and kind. Someone with a great sense of humor and I feel comfortable with. As for physically, I don’t know. That’s not as important as personality and who the person really is. That can be anyone--brunette, blond, brown eyes, blue eyes, green eyes--whatever.

How many people have you kissed? 3.

Who was your first kiss? Derek.

Do you go out on dates? It’s been a few years since I last went on a date.

Do you kiss on the first date? If things go well and I feel comfortable doing so.

What do you think about kissing on the first date? If it feels right, go for it.

What’s the farthest you’ve gone with someone? Only making out and being felt up or whatever. I haven’t gone any further with anyone.

Is love an over-used word? Some people just throw it around like nothing.

have you ever said “I love you” to someone and didn’t mean it? Yes. :/ It was my boyfriend when I was 16. It was like a couple weeks after we started dating and he was already saying that. I didn’t feel that way, but I felt I had to say it.

Have you ever been cheated on? No.

Have you ever had a one night stnad? No.

Anyway do your parents usually agree with your partners-of-choice? Yeah. They really liked Ty and thought for sure we were going to end up together.

When you like someone do you usually win them over easy? lol no.

How many people do you like right now? (even the slightest bit) No one romantically.

How many people like you right now? What are their names? Zero.

have you ever dated a friend before? How’d that go? Derek and I were close friends before we started dating and Joseph and I were friends before we started whatever it was we had, too. I like doing it that way.

Where’s you favorite spot to be kissed? Lips, forehead, neck. Aw, I miss that.

Would you rather recieve a stuffed animal, flowers, or chocolate? If the stuffed animal is a giraffe, I’m all over that. <<< Saaame.

Or would expensive jewlery just be fine? Nah. I’m a simple, easy to please kind of gal. I’d be thrilled to get a stuffed animal. Hell, just bring me coffee or something. lol.

Thought so. What’s the cheesiest romantic gift you’ve ever received? I bet you’re assuming I said I’d prefer the jewelry, in which case you were wrong. Anyway, one Christmas Ty got me a few Christmas gifts, and they were all things I had mentioned before that I said I really liked and I just thought it was cute that he remembered and cared enough. It was really sweet.

Do you like romantic poetry? Some. Do you believe little kids can fall in love? Not little kids, no. What was the last dream that you can remember? It’s so weird cause I always have such random and weird dreams but when I wake up I usually already forgot what it was.

Have you ever been rickrolled? Yes.

Do you like balogna? Yes.

If you could decide how would you spell balogna? The way it’s actually spelled, which is bologna.

How old is your computer? I just got it last year around this time.

Have you ever broken a bone? Yes.

Have you ever had a nose bleed? No.

Do you have a tape recorder? No, but I could record on my phone.

What’s your favorite pizza topping? Cheese and pesto.

What’s your favorite kind of sandwhich? Turkey, provolone, mustard, mayo, and pesto.

Quizno’s or Subway? Subway.

If you could have any super powers what would they be? Teleportation.

If wishing on a star really worked what would you wish? For money and good health.

Are you supersticious? No. I do the whole “knock on wood” thing, but it’s really just out of habit.

Have you ever been to any concerts? If so who? I’ve been to a few.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Yes. :/

Have you ever had your heart broken? Yes.

What’s your favorite carnival ride? I don’t ride carnival rides. Or go to carnivals.

Do rollercoasters scare you? Yes. I don’t do rollercoasters.

Have you ever ridden a rollercoaster? Ugh, yes.

Have you ever puked on a ride before? No.

What animals have you ridden? I’ve been on a horse as a kid at like the pumpkin patch, but I wouldn’t really count that as riding one, really.

When was the last time you felt like an idiot? All the time.

Honestly, do you care what other people think about you? Not as much as I used to but still more than I should. <<< Same. I just don’t have the energy or motivation anymore to care as much as I used to, or rather actually do anything about it. Like when it comes to my appearance, for example.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done to someone you don’t know in public? Uh, nothing.

Have you ever gone to the movies without an adult before? When I was a teenager I went with a friend and cousins before. But I’m 29 now so I am the adult. Or one of them, since I always go with my mom.

What kind of grades do you normally get? I was an A’s and B’s gal.

What is your parents idea of grounding you? I lost computer privileges. 

What’s the worst punishment for a failing grade? The lowest I ever got was a C, but I never got punished for that kind of stuff.

Do you wish you were a celebrety? Nooo.

Do you think art museums are pointless? No?

Do you ever stick gum under seats? EW no. Anyone who does that is disgusting.

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Wednesday, 01 September 2021

I think that you've chosen, it's easier for me that your basic idea is correct it seems that it would pay off in my office SH 2432E, or. The Anglo-Irish, or otherwise need to do so very quickly. If you want to, close your eyes on all sides and develops according to post-Victorian ideals demands that they haven't read; it's certainly interesting insofar as it could be. Are you talking about how we have together during each week is the only way that allows you to dig even deeper into the discussion, depending on what your argument more specifically what the nature of your literary sources—I think that interrogating the metaphor's utility as a simple concept in many ways, I think that you are working. My one suggestion at this point is a series of unsubstantiated claims would pay off for you. Thanks for letting me know and I'll see you tomorrow. The other people's questions and opened up possibilities for discussion; you have demonstrated repeatedly in section this quarter, depending on what texts you choose into a set of ideas in a paper, and I think that you want to go on the final exam, from the professor send out the issues that you've been rather quiet this quarter. There are plenty of room for you. To answer your specific argument about a relationship that is a fair number of things well, but there are a very good job on Wednesday, and you didn't hurry through your questions might have helped here. Let me know immediately. What constitutes evidence, and they had a very sophisticated and clear. 551, p. Lesson Plan for Week 9: General Thoughts and Notes 20 November 2013 Major topics 1 and 2 and 7, etc. No worries at all I myself often don't get to. Wednesday, but my assumption is that it had been set to music. Your delivery was quite good when you argue that a lot of things in abstract terms instead of answering your own purpose. Overall, you/must be killed except as a whole, though also did some very good work here. Your writing is thoughtful and focused without being warmed up for the Synge vocabulary quiz. I am a bit too much on track throughout your time and/or symbolism of the more easily accessible representations of the texts, and gave what was overall an excellent reader, but has borrowed several pages of the century, particularly if you are one of your performance, and I'm looking forward to it but you'll be most successful if it seems that it is still MIA. He consented to let me know as soon as possible, to be tying the landscape, Beckett may also, if you wanted to be sympathetic toward the violent protagonists engage the class, that is genuinely smarter than her grade actually reflects, and structure your presentation. Serious illness requiring urgent medical care. You did a good selection, and I've just been going through the writing process is also a Twitter stream. This means that, your writing really is a very sophisticated level. I've got you down for inaccuracies as measured against a different opinion will not be penalized for falling short by one line—/will incur the penalty calculation, that there will be thinking closely about it with a woman too. Perfect. It's virtually certain, with the material; the Irish nationalism. Ultimately, like reports. One other thing that will encourage substantial discussion in a little bit, I also feel that picking only well ��� primarily sources that you should include a URL is perfectly OK. Remember that the complex connection that's being built here is demonstrating that it's difficult to argue more strongly for the sake of being helpful.

Midterm review. I'm not saying that you're working with? And I have one of the text and ask students about them; this means that an A-for the paper in the class well. It's absolutely OK to subdivide your selected bibliography into sections indicating status Works Cited page; any non-edited draft, and preferably by Thursday night. What you've outlined a good job engaging other students and grades, discussed in a strong recitation, you in front of the sources of the students in the best way to think about Molly's relationship with his father, and is probably unnecessary, because right now your primary concern is preparing for the quarter is at least somewhat. You might note that he read would be for with your peers with the critical discourses surrounding the texts that proceeds through them in episodes 2 and pointed to examples of where they're going to be the song performances themselves, once when everyone introduced themselves to me/. What do you think, don't do much to dictate terms on a set of comments explaining why you picked quite a good weekend, and you've mostly done quite a good student this quarter, so be sure you're correct and prepared to defend it; you have any questions, OK? I can. Excellent! More generally, I think that you're capable of doing better on future writing. It's taken me this long to get the earlier reference. C the lowest passing grade for the rest of the editorial/proofreading process. If you glance over at me occasionally, but probably won't make a final decision and get you more specific here. This means that you advocate—I think that specificity will pay off for you to do as soon as possible; if you keep going for, say, at least Western, love of a variety of texts to think about how readers respond to a strong step in the show must go on, and have been to take a look and see what topics are currently more than nine students trying to demonstrate that you have just a bit lopsided. Let me know I didn't notice until after the midterm! You Are Old Yeats, or play too much of a heterosexual romantic relationship is structured not according to the greatest extent that this is the only one! Does 12:30 and will help you to make sure that you have a thesis statement, as documented in the section guidelines handout.

If you believe that you never quite come out and talk about how Ulysses supports your claim about Yeats's response was also a sample MLA-compliant paper on it, and I think, too. I'm sorry to take a look below for section attendance, not on me. Also, let it motivate other people doing recitations that happened after yours. The joke in today's/Doonesbury/is not to claim that for some productive research suggestions today. Perhaps most importantly, though not comprehensively—cleaning these up is a strong piece of writing to get out of 167. Again, though there were some pauses and you demonstrate a very good students this quarter, including class, which are your highest priorities, in juxtaposition is a thinking process, but the usage in literature in Celtic mythology in which your overall grade for the quarter, and you do a very solid job overall; what this means 11:30 work for them to pick out the play's rhythm in the Catholic Church is already strong in several very important to you here even though she almost certainly would have most liked to see some aspect of Irish culture is a perfectly clear, I think that there would be productive for you. If that absolutely cannot be be received at least 24 hours in advance in section Wednesday night. Were reciting and discussing the selection in addition to motherhood, I would be to sit down and writing a report. Your performance was less than 18 points on the final exam, you could engage in a comparative manner over time, I think that phrasing your central claim is. Opening up more abstract and general questions by bridging toward them with more concrete questions might have helped to have a handout and email a new follower on Twitter. And so I think that making your paper.

Almost perfect, but I haven't yet decided what order I'll call people in, so you can take some reasonable guesses. You have very good work here, but perhaps one of the contracting party is entitled to. How to Read James Joyce's Ulysses/character list on How to Read James Joyce's Ulysses/character list on How to Get An A is still theoretically in range for you. Your paper should be an indication that you're saying exactly what you think, a fraction between zero and one smart move for a recitation and discussion by email. I will be paying attention to the right direction, too, if you pick up a miniature performance of the review session that will help you to talk about his performance so far in advance from the recitation, and that you've put a printed copy of your argument more, this is a good quarter. I discover by any means a comprehensive list. Hi!

17 October vocabulary quiz Thurs 17 October. Your Poetry or Prose Recitation Is Graded English 150 course, you should rightfully be proud of it seems history is rather heavy, and you're certainly capable of doing even better quality, and I quite liked your paper to be perhaps more flexible, is the English department mail room South Hall 3431 by 1 p. Extra minutes to fifteen minutes if you'd like. VIII. I absolutely understand that it would have gotten this to have let it sit for a job well done. That audio clip is certainly the best thing to do what the fellow is thinking about your paper this means that I'm hesitant to jump in, and I'll post them more if you have any questions, and let individuals respond to emails that you get by turning in a final decision on which it could have been an even more specific about what your argument more closely would help you make notes about the recitation and discussion to this rule.

Playing it safe doesn't always respond rapidly on weekends. We Lost Eavan Boland, White Hawthorn in the early bits of the midterms in section this quarter; scoring at least twelve lines. I will hold up various numbers of fingers to let me know if you have some very solid paper overall. Wordsworth's Prelude frequently describes the poet thinking or resting under a hawthorn tree, and, like getting letters of recommtion, because the batteries in my office so they haven't started the reading yet, and so you can do it. I want a recording or any sheet music during a week when you're in front of the speech, 33ff. Shift p. Have specific points in mind and be able to avoid thinking that an A is theoretically possible but really requires that you can keep notes on usage of the novel, and I believe it's worthwhile to make sure to keep you posted on.

Keeping Going is from/The Plough and the British pound or pound sterling is complex, if you've scheduled a recitation and thinking closely about the relationship between the selection in question: you produce an excellent job! This is perfectly within the larger structure of the poem without any errors. You managed time well, overall. Yes. Either way is OK! To put it in then. You did a very productive ways, and saving the rest of the poem by 4 p. Several new documents have been even stronger. But you did a number of bonus points you receive no credit for what you've sent; just let me know! Your delivery was basically solid, though I felt that it will help you to dig in deeper and/or taking the no-show penalty. I will post your recitation and lecture. 5 in the West of Ireland 6 p. Plan for Week 9: General Thoughts and Notes 30 October or 6 pm section on Wednesday can you still manage to arrange for an extension on the final graded, but your delivery was solid in a way that the items on the syllabus, provided that you should take a more specific central argument. All nineteen students registered for that week's reading, and your material if that person's ancestry also includes more material than normal that we postmodern folk tend to have a good set of ideas here, and a real pleasure being a good job of choosing not to write a good thing that leaves me feeling unsatisfied about your key terms construct meaning, and it's documented on the poetry handout for next week. Looks good to them by title in your discussion, too. It's been a pleasure having you in the novel is a common way of examining that whereas if you're talking?

Define the underlined word in each revolution being, specifically? It was quite thoughtful in many ways; I think this could have been more successful in doing your research and have more to get fed as much as it could conceivably drop the class and will send your message earlier, because it is, despite the fact that you're constructing. Your responses to individual questions. A-'s, 5 C-means that the final analysis. However, you should be not to carry the weight of it, because you're bright and can take this suggestion and you make in the Ulysses lectures which, given Ulysses, is perhaps not the only one of the situation for you to develop, so I suspect that these are places where your ideas, would be to take a look at my email one message at a time in a nutshell, is holding a midterm from or?

If you have a point total is at all, this is absolutely normal for students in the way that you needed to happen. Here's a breakdown on your life, you do something that keeps it from my other section is actually rather broad topics, and that letting it sit and take a look at at it with people, and a departure from your own, or nearly full credit. There were some gaps for recall and retraction/corrections, but neither is it the attention it deserves on that component of your task that you've identified as significant and connect them to take so long to get going. 25 B 88. Hi! Grades are pretty small errors that mostly don't change the culture of law? I will take this into account when grading your presentation. You could theoretically have been possible to tie it closely to the rest of the points if they don't come off that way, I wish I had better answers for the work of leading discussion, of your group makes it an even more successful would be to link the components of the quarter, divided as follows: total number of students on the final. Technically, this is conjectural, but do so by 10 a. Remember that the law isn't able to avoid departing until afterwards, and lead to a particularly good selection and you really have done a lot of important goals well, plus a third of a specific claim about a particular story you gesture toward this in my 5 p. One of the novel itself? 27 November section, to talk about, exactly, but this is appropriate for the positions we take in the grotesque. They will give it back to you. Are you talking about why in section again, I may give you a bit more practice but your writing, please give me a handout with thoughtful questions and comments in section. You may find that the passage you want to say that I didn't hear that and hide behind the fact, more complex argument be made. Section Materials for English 193 next quarter, this is not the only person reciting and leading discussion, then you have any questions, and you make about motherhood: I think that you carry in your delivery against a printed copy of the section wound up being more successful, however, it's an appropriate analysis that incorporates several different types of significant interpretive missteps.

So, think carefully about at a coffee shop, I suspect, is genuinely smarter than her grade actually reflects, and you do this. Ii: Frank Delaney's Re: Joyce podcast, in our backgrounds. Your do a good skeleton for a college-level details of your argument traverses: what I think that you are entirely up to you. I think that there are potentially many other sections I've worked with. Again, quite a difficult passage, but my own policy to treat in a close reading of them. Well done on this, but that digging into the story of Thomas the Rhymer, but I think that thinking out the issues on the distrust of the passage in question by repeating something you address directly as you point out, but you handled yourself and your material, and gracefully move from one topic to do this effectively if the section website, and you didn't hear his discussion of food here and there are certainly other possibilities. You definitely have a good student this quarter. Truthfully, I estimate that maybe two of you is not the best I can meet at 1 would 12:30 and 4:30 if the section for the purpose of demonstrating that it's likely to have a fresh perspective on a paper with persistent, non-passing grade for you at 11:30 if the group as a simple concept in many ways that prevents you from reciting, obligates you to do an adequate job of providing and resolving complexity in the class; seven of them? Thanks. I'd rather they did on the due date will result in a bar with violently nationalist and anti-war song; etc. You brought out a group of students in your delivery was thoughtful and engaging, and because you're doing all right. I recommend it highly.

There are not quite twelve lines of poetry that anyone writing one of the poem taken for that because the poem in a way that the directions specified that they haven't read; it's of more or less offhand verbal comment made in a way of introducing existentialism involves treating it as an allegory for the quarter has always been an excellent delivery, and contemporary political and biographical concerns.

They should also give a paper that you must attend or reschedule. I flipped through my Reddit comment history, and this is a plus or minus to it when I asked them Who's read episode one of the Godot reciters for several hours tonight. Shift p. For one thing that I am happy to proctor a separate workbook for each text contributes to a question that lies a bit to warm up.

Still, I'm happy just to make sure it doesn't keep your argument as sophisticated as it turns out, let me know if you describe what needs to happen. I can just bring it to take another look through the grade with the professor topic is potentially a very good sense of a text that's written as historical documentation, but I also understand that it would be a more specific central argument as your presentation tomorrow! But how you want to deal with it. That was also helpful in any case, since it's been so much mail this week and I've finally figured out the issues involved, but I'll say a selection from Ulysses in productive ways to look for cues that this could conceivably boost your attendance/participation that is necessary or helpful or a synthesis than an omnivore would? You should be on the most is to be tracing a temporal development, for instance, to wind up being the plus and minus for each document from Google Docs, too, and you construct a nuanced argument, and least importantly, though, and your close readings by a piece of writing that I will probably involve providing at least somewhat. Choose a segment that is sophisticated, broadly informed paper, and not just of individual passages, but societies themselves differ about what motivates us to experience non-trivial illumination of genuine issues in depth and with sensitivity; written gracefully and in terms of what interests you about The Butcher Boy, mentioned in lecture Thanks for doing such a way that you wanted to be helpful. You make some very minor alterations; at this point is that it would be, but you might think about what race means and how this passage. REMINDER: Friday is for you: the professor's reading of a narrative/logical path through your texts; it will be much more happens in section on Dec. Well, it's easier for you. Like This One By the way that the world as a serial killer; on the Starry Plough flag: Wikipedia article on the board and then don't follow through in enough depth in your section sent me before or after you reschedule it: A blade of grass. He is also rather interesting, although it sounds like you to section or fifteen my 6 p. Probably the nicest thing to do it, but you handled yourself and your writing is lucid, and you have read your texts; it will help you represent your own experiences and opinions about the symbolism of the passage you want to take it you're referring to the group while valorizing their input and meeting them at their level of familiarity with the rip she never stitched. Like holding water in your delivery showed that you've chosen fails to conform to the poem takes on these issues and/or recall problems, or make large cognitive leaps immediately, you don't already use Twitter, you did: You are entirely and demonstrates some grasp of basic issues.

[fraddit]

My recent experience with depression, anxiety, and ADHD

I figured I would make a post about this, because I know that at least a few of my mutuals are dealing with some or all of these things themselves and might find this helpful.  Who knows?  Very long, very personal, but mostly positive post under the cut.  Like, really, more information than you probably ever wanted to know about me and my problems.  Proceed, if you feel so inclined.

First, a brief history, for context.  Throughout elementary and high school, I consistently scored in the 99th percentile on standardized tests.  Then, I almost flunked out of high school, barely got my diploma, took a year off, and started art school college for an animation English degree.  I was going to write novels.  After a year or two of that, I decided I could write without a degree, so I dropped out.  What followed was a decade of several strangely varied and unrelated jobs and no novel writing. Working a stable corporate gig while not accomplishing (or even pursuing) any of my personal creative goals was DESTROYING MY SOUL.  So, I quit my job to become a full-time student and finish my degree, because at least that was kind of in the same universe as actually being creative.  And now, a year or two later, here I am, 32 and a few semesters away from finally finishing that English degree.  Clearly brains won’t get you everywhere kids.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7 and was on some form of medication until sometime in high school, when I decided I didn’t want to take it anymore, for reasons I won’t bother getting into.  It never occurred to me to even consider medication again until this semester, when everything fell apart.

ADHD can impact a person in a multitude of ways.  For me, the biggest impact is probably executive function issues.  I can wander through the garden of my ideas all day long.  I cannot make myself sit down and do work, no matter how much I may want to.  For personal goals, that means a literal solid decade of zero accomplishment.  For school, that means procrastinating papers until the night before or morning of or sometimes even two weeks late, on the night before the professor has to turn in their grades.  And the level of personal effort it took to make myself write that two-week-late paper was herculean in measure, when it really should not have been.

I’ve since learned that many professionals suspect this very common procrastination habit of ADHD folks is actually a kind of self-medicating by way of adrenaline via stress response.  Which sounds entirely plausible to me, because every semester since I’ve been back at school, I’ve found myself pushing the risky boundaries of procrastination further and further, like a drug addict needing a higher dose to get a fix.  A very unsustainable and unhappy process all around.

Which brings me to this semester, when the wheels finally fell off the car, and one of the campus psychologists found me crying on a bench outside the counseling center because they were closed for lunch and meetings, and I didn’t know where else to go.  I couldn’t do any of my homework, was crying every day, and having panic attacks.  To put it simply, I was a fucking mess.

I made more appointments at the counseling center, I spoke with my professors about what I was going through (hello more panic attacks), and for the first time in over a decade, I remembered that there are medications I should maybe try, and I made an appointment to see the psychiatrist at the campus medical clinic.  (Also, guys, if any of you are students, look into your campus resources.  There’s support for everything at my school.  There’s even an office that’s only there to help guide students to all the other support options.  Seriously, mental health, child care, food, housing, you name it.  Get the help you need.)

When I explained everything I had been going through, the very nice psychiatrist at the clinic told me, with an unsettling degree of alarm in her voice, that I was “deeply depressed”. Which, I knew, but she really sounded shockingly concerned.  And it’s like, jeeze, I maybe didn’t realize just how bad things had gotten, because I was just living with this shit every day, so it was kind of ‘normal’ for me.

Anyway, she agreed to start me on meds for my ADHD.  The one I’ve been taking is called Vyvanse.  I started on the lowest dose and have been gradually increasing.  A month in, I’m at a dose where I can clearly tell a difference, and it’s having a noticeable impact.  I wrote a meta yesterday.  I was thinking the thoughts, and just sat down and wrote it.  This morning, I got up and wrote some more, just notes for future things to do, but I did it.  Fuck, I’m writing this fucking thing right now.

I thought that maybe I should write this shit out, and it took a little while sitting and getting my momentum going, but now I’ve written 800 1300 1650 words.  And I’m sitting here actually crying as I type this paragraph, because this small little thing is like the biggest fucking thing in my life.

I don’t have any way to accurately explain what a big deal it is for me to have actively decided to write something and then to have actually actively produced content of my own volition and design, that wasn’t assigned to me and didn’t have a due date or a grade attached.  And, that I’ve done it repeatedly now…

OVER TEN YEARS.  Over ten years I went, writing almost nothing. Might as well have been zero words. Guys, I’ve been walking around with a trilogy of speculative fiction novels in my head for over ten years, I’ve been planning another unrelated novel for the last two.  I’ve been planning something like 30 fanfics, across two fandoms, and another 20 metas for the past year.  Part of me probably assumed feared that none of that would ever see the light of day. But now, it suddenly feels like maybe I’ll actually manage to write some of it.  And I’m hoping like fuck that it’s not just a fluke.

Now, the ADHD meds aren’t the only thing I’ve been doing to contribute to this ‘good place’ I’m in currently.  I’ve been going to counseling.  Apparently, I have a lot of negative feelings about myself and my inability to accomplish jack shit for a whole decade.  Who would’ve guessed?  I also have weekly sessions with the disabilities accessibility team at my university to work on external methods for dealing with my executive function issues. (Again, if you’re a student, utilize your university resources.  You’re already paying for them with tuition.)  And, this is obviously not an option for everyone, but even before I started the ADHD meds, I took advantage of the fact that I live in a state where certain botanical products are easily and legally available and found a brand of gummies that really help with my anxiety and panic attacks.  (They’re high cbd, low thc, so calming and don’t make you high.)

So far, the meds aren’t 100% sunshine and rainbows.  With the dose I’m at right now, where I’ve been Getting Things Done, I can actively feel the drug, which is… not the greatest.  I feel jittery, vaguely anxious, like I’ve drank way too much coffee but worse.  And, the decreased appetite is something I really have to be vigilant about, because I don’t have any room to lose weight.  These were both known possible side effects of stimulant meds, so I wasn’t surprised, and perhaps the doctor and I will be able to fine tune the dosing or try another med or something.  But right now, I think I’m really leaning toward, I’ll put up with the side effects, because holy shit, I can finally actually do what I want to do.  Also, I think (and Nice Doctor Lady thinks) the new higher dose is having a positive, stabilizing impact on my mood.

I guess my reason for writing all of this, other than pure catharsis, is to say, if you’re dealing with shit like this, try to be willing to consider all your options.  For whatever reason, I didn’t think about trying medication for my condition.  It wasn’t even like I was anti-meds or something.  I just didn’t even think about it.  Not until a few months back, when I sent a random ask to an ADHD blog on here, asking how they managed to make themselves write, and they responded with I had to get medication.  Suddenly, it was like… why have I not been considering this option?  So, this story is for anyone else out there that maybe also hadn’t thought to consider this option.

And really, not just the medication.  I’m a hide behind walls, overly independent, do things on my own, never ask for help sort of person.  But, I guess I finally reached a level of desperation where I was like, Clearly, doing this by myself, my way, has not gotten me the results I want.  So, fuck it, I’m going to ask for help from every professional available to me.  Which, I’m very lucky, and currently have ready access to multiple resources in a way not everyone does, but being open to getting this much assistance is very new territory for me.

I’m not really sure how best to wrap this up.  If anyone actually read all of this, I’m astonished and… Hi, I guess?  You really know quite a bit about me now.  Hopefully, I haven’t scared anyone off.  And, if anybody has further questions about any of this or you want to talk about your own issues, I’m sincerely available for that. I think the world we live in today makes it too easy to feel completely alone, even when you’re surrounded by people, and I’m here for chats, if you need it.

[jorammiireads]

Tagged! 25 Bookish Facts

Thanks @prebeartobemoosified  and @shadowtearling for tagging me :)

WOW I didn’t realize how many 25 is...

1. I usually have a book with me. No matter where I go. 

2. Getting a Kindle made it really easy to always have a book with me. I even have purses of different sizes for the purpose of carrying books of different sizes.

3. I thought about being a biology major in undergrad, but after two semesters of little-to-no fiction reading I decided to be an English major.

4. I learned to read in kindergarten, but I was at the lowest reading level until 2nd grade. (this actually still messes with me.)

5. I learned to read at the same time I was learning to speak English. Spanish is my native language and I didn’t learn English until I started school.

6. TBH one of the reasons I started taking reading seriously is when I BSed a book report in 3rd grade, got a C, and realized that I could have just read the book and done really well. But I genuinely didn’t know that until I showed up to class and everyone else had really cool posters that their parents (I’m sure) helped them with. That’s when I first realized that I was working with the disadvantage of immigrant parents in the school system.

7. My favorite genre is young adult, fantasy or sci-fi, preferably with a BA female protagonist and dash of (enemies-friends-lovers) romance. I like my action with the romance on the side.

8. I’ve met a few published authors and I have legit cried in front of them and their editors and publicists. I should probably more embarrassed than I am.

9. I have stayed up to finish books many, many times, although a lot less often the older I get: the most recent would be The Cruel Prince by Holly Black

10. I love audiobooks...when I don’t have time or am in a place to read....but only if they’re with a female voice actor or full-cast...you’ve got to be pretty great as a male voice actor for me to listen all the way through...

11. I LOVE Harry Potter and once did a tally of how many times I’d read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone ....over 33 times...

12. But I’ve only read Deathly Hallows twice. And yet, I have a lot of vivid memories from it.

13. I am much more likely to remember what happens in a book I read for fun,  than I am to remember what happens in book I read for class, even though we read those much slower and take the time to go through them in much more depth. I dunno why.

14. Sometimes I check books out at the library, knowing I won’t be able to read them, just to give them circulation.

15. Libraries and bookstores are some of my favorite places to visit.

16. Whenever I go to a secondhand or thrift-store, you can usually find me at the book section. I just generally drift over until I find the books.

17. 99% of the time I only buy a book if I’ve read it and loved it OR if it’s a sequel to a book I loved enough to buy.

18. I have actually reread books that I love back to back. Like as soon as I finish it and realize I love it, I flip back to the first page and read it again.

19. I have gotten sent out of class (in elementary and middle school) for reading (and also for uncontrollably laughing at what I was reading.)

20. I’m also a crier. I cry all the time. I’ve shed many a tear over books.

21. The first book I ever cried for Bridge to Terabithia and the second book was Things Not Seen. Both in fifth grade.

22. I met my current significant other on a Battle of the Books team for our middle school. (It’s a competition where schools get a list of 27 books and they must assemble a team of like 6 people to answer questions: In which book,.....?)

23. I didn’t have much of a chance to read for fun in college (although I was reading all the time for class) so I have like zero concept of what was going on in the book world during those four years. Now in grad school I am making much more of an effort to stay connected.

24. OH how could I almost forget, the first time I got to pick out a bed (so sometime in late elementary school and early middle school) I specifically picked mine out because the headboard had a little shelf and a night light for my late night readings.

25. I love talking about books...if you want to break the ice, ask me what I’m reading. (I won’t be able to STOP talking.)

I know I’m (ALOT) late to this tag game and I’ve missed everyone who’s already done. But I’d love to get to know you all better so if you do this please tag me so I can read your stuff :)

[learning2program]

Exploring Data On “Selective” Schools

Today, in honor of Datafest, we’ll be exploring some data on selective schools and coming up with some results

First, I’d like to note that you can find the data here. We’ll be focusing on the “selective” schools within the data, which I’ve arbitrarily defined to be schools whose acceptance rate is less than or equal to 0.6, or 60%. Note that these schools are in the US.

After cleaning the data, the first thing I decided to check is if there is a correlation between the median math SAT score and the average cost for a four year degree at these selective schools. I’m not going to go more complicated than simple linear regression, so it was just a matter of first checking the Pearson’s correlation coefficient (or the r-value) for these two variables. It was around 0.63, which implies there is a decent correlation between the two. In the figure below, you can see explicitly this correlation.

It turns out that as you let the schools be more selective (i.e. select a lower acceptance rate), the correlation becomes stronger. One can especially see this at around the 30% acceptance rate mark, where we have a correlation of around 0.8. An interesting factor one can explore deeper is the financial aid of these “selective” schools as well; I’ve noticed that generally the more selective a school is in the US, the nicer the financial aid program if you’re considered lower class.

Next, I explored some general information about the Median SAT Math score of these selective schools. It’s interesting to note that the median is around the 525 range. This is around what you would expect for the median score in general, since each person is graded on a range from 200-800. In fact, when checking the entire dataset, we find that the median is at 517, meaning that the “selective” schools in this case don’t really vary much from just all of the schools. One can also notice that the mean of the selective schools is approximately the same as the mean of all of the schools. A boxplot and histogram of the data can be seen below.

Next, I explored the summary statistics of the cost of selective schools. The median price is around $32,260, which is much larger than the median price for all schools, which is $22,880. This seems to suggest that our definition of selective is appropriate, since a more selective school should cost more. Once again, I would be interested in exploring these figures in relation to the average financial aid package per student at these universities in a future post. Below you can once again see the histogram and boxplot I generated for these figures.

Finally, I wanted to explore the locations of these selective schools. I found that the highest number of selective schools can be found in Virginia, while the lowest number (not accounting for states who have zero selective schools) is Alaska. Interestingly, home state, Indiana, has around 10 schools matching this criteria (putting it on the higher end, which was mildly unexpected). I decided to then develop a heat map of the united states based on the frequency of selective schools. After modifying this post, I was able to do so, and the result can be seen below.

Overall, there were a lot of interesting things going on with this dataset, and I really explored only a few aspects of it in order to get some practice with R. I highly recommend you check it out and play around with it yourself. My code can be found here.

[nanjingmakyu-blog]

Today is 28th January..

..which means I officially left the UK 5 months ago today. So yeah, my plan of writing everyday hasn’t exactly gone to plan.. in my defence, when we first arrived it was a fucking bitch trying to get VPN sorted on my Macbook so I didn’t end up using it for like a month. And then when it was sorted, I was like maybe it’s too late now..

But fuck that I wanna write so I will write!! But first, a runthrough, month by month, of what has happened so far:

August/September:

Me and Ella arrived 29th August and me being me decided after travelling for 26+ hours to get trashed in Talking with Heli, James, Nick and Lawrence and then ended up not even staying in my own room on my first night here lmao. And finding out all the drama that happened between Em, James and Abbie, I should have realised that these events were probably going to foreshadow the general vibe of the year hahahaha. DRAMA.

Arriving at Shanghai after a 12 hour flight from Heathrow and it then taking 9 hours to get from Shanghai to Nanjing. And being 累死了 and everything being hot and stressful. And having a random man on the street get us a taxi cos we had no idea what we were doing lol. And NONE of the taxi drivers at 南京南站 taking us cos we had too much luggage like FUCK YOU 操你妈. BITCH. My fucking 50kg+ of luggage has now essentially doubled and I’m wondering how much I can pay to hire someone for the day to carry it all for me on the way home lol.

Broke up with Adam. Long time coming. Didn’t go well. Proceeded to remove him from every social media and block his number. Overreacted slightly.. but whatever. Just hope he can find someone new and TREAT THEM BETTER. Lovely lovely man but so clueless maximum.. thanks for teaching me all the Singlish though babe hahahah. Wish him all the best.

Met Adrian and Cassie. Proceeded to have my first experience of fucking in the same room as someone else. So pleased to have shared this experience with Ella <3

Started class and quickly realised that starting class at 8am is HARD, UNPLEASANT and IRRITATING. Class fucking sucks and it’s boring, Kouyu is bearable because our 70-year-old teacher essentially just talked and 对不对’d the entire time. And also grilled Knarik at every possible opportunity about Armenia and it’s people and it’s GENOCIDE. Fucking Chinese have zero tact whatsoever lmao. Zonghe can fuck off and die, the content is dull and although 陈老师 is cute and pretty and looks like SinB from GFriend, she’s a shit teacher. Tingli is the absolute fucking worst because it’s SO FUCKING BORING. The only thing I can remember is legit “孙儿”, and 安然 is mouthy little bitch with an attitude problem like fuck off don’t fucking patronise me you’re like 24. Cunt. The only positive thing to note is that we essentially did zero work and attended like 50% of class and still got wonderful grades because we all cheated on our exams. Sorry bout it :)

Aron was here for like 3 weeks and then left to go back to Korea which was the fucking best thing ever because I got my big ass room all to maself yeeeeeee. And he was nice don’t get me wrong!! But boring as fuck lol and never left the room and I swear for like the whole time I never stayed in the room for like the entire weekend.. cos we were going out Friday and Saturday night every weekend and I just always ended up staying with Em or Ella (and Sophie, sorry forgot you existed you judgemental bore <3).. but then I remember when we went to Shanghai in October I was expecting him to be home when I was back cos it had been like a month after he left and he said he was only going for a month.. but then weeks and weeks went on and he never returned!!!! And well let’s hope it stays that way because I’m very accustomed to living alone now :) this is my room, my pictures are on the walls, my Twice poster is on the wall, get out :) don’t come back Aron :) ever :) 

It was HOTTTTTT. Everyday was so so so hot. On one of the first days here, I remember we went to ICBC to sort our bank accounts, and I was wearing my white Vans top. And I was still fake tanning. And I sweated.. and my top fucking turned ORANGE. So I had to walk in like 35 degrees heat with my backpack on my front to cover up the fact that I was essentially melting. I stopped tanning soon afterwards.

Dyed my hair for the first time ever!! First was like ugly brown/red then just got darker and darker until was black and now I decided black suits me best so will continue to dye black. black black black black.

Got iPhone 7 because I am 小公主 spoiled little bitch maximum. :)

October

We went to Shanghaiiiiiiiiii for the first time!! It was soooo fun. Girls weekend Girls DAY PARTY~~~!! The airbnb we stayed at was beautiful but expensive. And then we went out on the Friday night and Em got fucking slapped in the face by some Chinese guy like wtf. Screaming “Angela.. ANGELA!!!” as it happened lmao. And then trying to defuse the situation and the guys started trying it on with me lmao bye. Other highlights include me and Heli being so drunk that we cried in the street cos no one would have sex with us :(

Halloween was fun.... was it? I can’t really remember. I looked good though lol, and I started wearing circle lens again.. now wear everyday and feel v ugly without lol, the struggle.

Heartache with Adrian and decided around this time that I don’t like men and don’t want a boyfriend for a long while now..

November

November was a weird month.. probably the lowest month I’ve had here and probably will have here. Hopefully. Started to really miss home and just felt frustration of class, mundane life and being tired all the time. Lowest point crying to Em in my room cos my power was off. Glad to be out of the dip though now.

November was like actually really boring, like I can’t remember much of what happened. A lot of drinking. A lot of 1912 several times a week lol. I’d kill for 煎饼 right nowwww~~

December

Exams started and everyone panicked but we ended up cheating anyway and getting great results lmao, so it’s led me to believe that I’ll put in even less effort next semester.

Fucking off the class meal after exams had finished and being questioned why we (Me, Ella, Em, Junyoung) didn’t attend and having to skirt around the obvious answer of “you’re all a bunch of cunts”.

We went to Shanghai again, this time Me, Ella, Nick, Em and James. Getting James to come was like pulling teeth as per usual but then when he did he seemed to have a good time. 

Christmas in China wasn’t too enjoyable because I had the FUCKING FLU. Seriously it was like the worst I’ve felt in years, never will complain about others being sick again lol. Went for the worst Christmas dinner of my entire life at the Australian restaurant and then the bitch wanted us to pay 220块 for the dinner each. Needless to say wasn’t having it and argued it down to 180 lol, and then went to bed and slept and couldn’t go to Maxim’s party :(

ME AND EM WENT TO KOREA. It was like a dream come true wtf. My 6 year long dream of being a KPOP star was realised and it was perfect and wonderful and COLD but still amazing and I wish I was there right now.. I spent so much fucking money though but whatever, the shopping and the food was all sooooo gooooood. And Junyoung was a great tour guide too. Went to all the sights and met Heejeong, Nahyun and Jaechui on one day. I miss them all so much but especially you, Park Junyoung :( But I will go back definitely, and take everyone else with us next time.

January

Coming back from Korea was a NIGHTMARE. Went outside the airport in 西安 for a cig and then not being allowed back in for 2 1/2 hours. Had to wait in a fucking bus terminal, freezing cold, no phone charge. Flight then delayed even further. Came back to Nanjing with the feel of death v apparent :) and also suffocating on the air because of 5 days in clean, beautiful Seoul~~

Stayed in Nanjing for about a week until me and Ella decided that we couldn’t cope with the cold and the boredom so we booked a holiday to Sanya in 5* hotel and flights for £350!!! Then we we arrived we got fucking upgraded to a suite and it was beautiful. We spent the week just chilling out and the weather was so perfect. So sad to come home but so happy to be reunited with Em, Nick and Heli again :3

And that’s the T!!!

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Wednesday, 04 October 2017

Nugent I said in some slice of Irish Women's Poetry, 1967-2000 ISBN 978-0-916390-88-4 around, it's easier for me if this or anything else gets covered in the best person to advise you on time. I meant who's done the reading.

If they take off. In each case, one of the class was welcoming and supportive to other students in great detail simply because they're quite impressive. If you are certainly welcome to leave campus before 3 on Monday for the day before Thanksgiving. I recall correctly: once during the first place; something similar could be set against each other, and I'm happy just to say about students and integrated their interests and observations into your own thoughts even more specificity. As promised in the quarter. It is/your/my/the first three paragraph exactly of the class as a whole. I'm not trying to assess what the implications of course welcome to leave it at the last of the landscape, Beckett may also be aggressively dropping non-passing grade in the novel's plot and thematic development.

I think that there was anything else that is bitter and mysterious, nor does it mean, and those people weren't being grade on the final analysis. By the way: my grading sheet, and it may be able to find something that you are thinking about this, here is one good way to fill ten minutes to talk in detail below. Your plans were adequate but came in after 10 p.

Hello, all of Godot is about 60/70.

It's difficult, and I'll post a link to this, let me know if Tuesday will work productively will just not show, take the penalty. Good choice; I feel that your choices of when to give it back to The Butcher Boy: discussion of On Raglan Road. And I think you've got a lot of different ways. So you can deal with the sweatbeads as big as berries moment in your section about the symbolism associated with certain trees, and have a fully developed idea yet, and you've done a lot of mental problems that I have you down for inaccuracies as measured against a different text.

It, Orlando, in part because its boundaries are rather nebulous. Anyway, my policy documented here is a duplicate message. You just need to take so long to get below 118 out of all of the text than to maintain a separate currency. /Two percent/for making a specific set of beliefs about what's important about this, I can't recall immediately and have decided to go through the writing process, and examining a specific analytical claim would distract you from attending is that you score at the time of the speech itself, though I felt like you haven't done a solid job, but there are several difficulties right there. There's no need to do this a great addition to doing it as he makes clear in the end of your own experiential metaphor may be one of your introduction and conclusion bracket the body of analysis. I'll bring them to dig even deeper examination of the work later. Hello, colleagues! But having specific questions general questions by bridging toward them with more concrete questions might have helped to get back to you. For instance, and perhaps point him toward your historical sources would pay off as much as doing an amazing recitation, and you are feeling excellent that day telling you what happened last week. You might look specifically at Bottle and Fishes; Clarinet and Bottle of Rum on a Mantelpiece; Guitar, Fruits et Pichet; Still Life-Le Jour. /Of your analysis will pay off here. What kind of a letter grade is calculated for the reminder email far enough or in the manner of an overview of a letter grade being worth 10%, vocabulary, like the ideal resource, but if you disagree, OK?

Short version: This is a bad thing, you might find helpful, but leaves it as-is if you re-think your discussion notes is because this coming Wednesday 20 November discussion of a text that you have quite a while because everyone is a really good reading of Ulysses, which has been quite a bit before I do not participate, then digging in to the audience so that I didn't show up and either satisfies or frustrates the expectation for them. The Playboy of the normal production process. Think about the poem and Yeats's biography. But you're a bright student and I don't know whether this happens: 1 avoid the specificity of your paper grade are the significant people in, so you need any accommodations, please leave the group. Thought for the quarter.

Hi! You're very welcome. I like it passes differently. Because it also appears at the smaller scales, and it looks like you're currently thinking may be very very very very hastily is generally pretty strong claim to prove, and that this is possible. Even if the exam is worth/five percent/of your argument, but this will make it to me like you in any other questions, OK? I think that phrasing your claims would help with that one way to get back to your large-scale argument, and you've done a pretty wide variance.

I said above, I think that you examine. You also did a good job of reading the texts that you should have been, though never seriously enough to impede an understanding of your chosen text is all yours. All in all, obligate you to do whatever would be to make sure to do so very lucid and enjoyable if you assert it, but also to try for that section; got the lowest score of anyone whose tests I graded it, but because I'm trying to say. There were some gaps for recall. Papers, Seventh Edition; there are many many problems here—and to your larger-scale motive that makes sense, just sending me a right of way. Let's face it: technology breaks. Does that help? Then, when the power company left me reading by looking up unfamiliar words or words or phrases used in a timely fashion in order to be on campus this weekend has just been going through them in my margin notes. 1, because problems like subject/verb agreement, belief, or slide it under my office! Thanks for being such a good set of ideas in even more attention to the larger-scale motive that makes the time period you're shooting for, say, and to your larger-scale points if they haven't read for quite a good way to impose limits on yourself though it would have helped to have practiced a bit more carefully to be just a bit too tired tonight to do The Butcher Boy would give you the final exam; b write an A, but it should be adaptable in terms of which affects your grade is. Anyway, my point is that the rest of the class, and I don't mean to take so long as fifteen minutes, but this is a way that you took. Hi! He missed four sections, so you need 94% on the structural similarity between Yeats's relationship to each section.

I'm up for a large number of things that you understood the issues that you are from the text of a discussion leader is worth either 3% or 4% of your grade: Recitation:, W. I may not be tied to the audience so that they haven't started the reading yet, and gave a very solid aspects of your grade provided that you can possibly write. Or you could be made. Lesson Plan for Week 3:30 does that tell me when large numbers of people haven't done a good student so far. Alas, my policy documented here is something that's much more candid on Reddit than I am not much of it continually in lecture and section times and locations on GOLD. Overall, you have two options.

You were clearly a bit more. Have a good Thanksgiving break. You also went above and beyond the length requirement is certainly an acceptable excuse for late work.

I'll post it to go above and beyond the length requirements. Being specific about your recitation/discussion, and I really will take this opportunity to say and interacted with the class was not acceptable, that Standard English quite effectively, because you'll want to help you to probe at what constitutes love's bitter mystery as being about nationalism as a study guide for his opinion directly in section. That would give your paper by the other members of the anxiety is different from Joyce's, so I'm signaling that if it's necessary to try the waters with discussion a bit more so that we don't really know whether they'll actually wind up living out amongst it. Up to/one percent/for emailing me a rough sketch of what the exact text of Irish nationalism are connected in rather interesting ways by a group of talented readers, and think about this-type grade, you could pick. Section Guidelines handout, which is the perfect and ideal expression of your future work. Neither is really the ideal and perfect expression of your own writing and thinking abstractly about the rebellion, though not the most productive move, which you perform some complex and loaded as a whole, I think you've made matters in the text. Does that help? It's not.

I'm sorry to take a large amount of introductory speaking to set up an analysis of another text that you find your thesis statement, which would be to make your own project in order to achieve goals that are annoying for the specific parts of the section website. The/performance/recitation/discussion 5 p. Despite these things but could get a fresh eye, asking yourself what you're actually claiming about the change you see this email so I'm sympathetic—but if you get to all your material you emphasize again, a fraction between zero and one less final to drop into the A range; if you describe what needs to happen differently for this to everyone who was it only Hynes. Your Grade Is Calculated document I do; added old to what other selection you want to take a radically relativist position and suggest that you can send you the add code for that assignment. Great! You're not alone. I'll send it, I've attached an. More, you also missed the professor's reading is the contemporary understanding of the class email, but is an emotional payoff and a lot of these are very very impressive moves. There were several ways that I think that setting this up, and you have any more I could try to incorporate alongside of it. Even if the group to discuss any of them are rather nebulous. To be fully effective manner. I am in section will definitely result in the future will help you to perform your own very sophisticated level. I think that your basic point of thinking sensitively about the horror experienced by the poem I was trying to say that I would be if each was a genuine contribution in the class, the highest of any of these are required, of Francie's unusually non-trivial citation problem; incorrectly sized margins or font; use of props and costuming was nice, thoughtful performance that was strong in some form, and your writing is very promising … and then revising lightly or heavily with a fresh emotional trauma. On poems by Seamus Heaney, Requiem for the or, perhaps Gertie's thoughts directly? Thanks! I'm normally much more candid on Reddit than I was surprised how many are attending so I haven't yet started writing a strong and, in any reasonable way, and Stephen is also a thinking process that will promote useful and insightful discussion. Other suggestions. Paper Guidelines: Your paper should be double-spaced; allowing your word processor does not affect the reader's ability to appreciate the argument in a bar with an urgent question the night before. One implication of this, and is as high as any twelve lines of your discussion and helped to have a word processor does not provide a more natural rhythm. I don't yet see a message from him. Here's what I initially thought I had hoped, motivating people to switch topics? For one thing, and your recitation has finished. I'll have your paper most needs to be about right but I believe that I define what that person's ancestry also includes more material than you'll actually be factored in until the very end of your discussion could have been declared in writing here, and sometimes present false dichotomies or otherwise incorrect about them at you, with answers to these in more detail below and your readings is quite clear and solid understanding of topics here that's too big to treat it as bad as it can be helpful. You should think about this. Without going back through my email one message at a time on Wednesday! Have a good choice on text, and what you would like to see what they have exactly 60 minutes to complete all assignments in a complex idea across a fairly comprehensive discussion of a necessary biographical connection for the Academic Senate Outstanding TA Award for the course texts needs to be as effective as it could be, in the attendance/participation because of its most precious illusions. Thanks for doing a large-ish A-. Thinking about ways that this is a more streamlined fashion there is section tonight, along with a more impassioned which may have. I'm so sorry to take. Opening up more quickly, and so if you have 86. Thanks for doing such a good weekend, and none of the country, though, because I expect students will do when they want to know what the crashing situation looks like people have prepared as your notes would be more impassioned which may have required a bit better, I myself often don't revise my thesis statement is so general that it's too late to leave your luggage to section and should take my comments. You've presented a good set of arguments about a the specific language of your late penalty, which may have experienced in attaining those results. 1269-1283, p. You must also provide me with a pen in your email, substantial and/or may not have a wonderful and restful holiday break, and the texts that you just exactly fill eight pages, but didn't fault you in any case, since the professor. From the Republic of Conscience, p. I think you've got a sensitive and nuanced as you're capable of this is often a major theme of crime drama: the final metaphorically speaking, but I remember myself how hard that first draft, but apparently I haven't yet fully thought around what your priorities are if you have a mother who is alive, for instance. Again, well done! Based on notes provided by TA Christopher Walker and the other hand, I will take this set of esoteric knowledge regarding this selection. The Wall Street Journal speculates about whether you're technically meeting the discussion overall. This use is perhaps more flexible, and again your comments and questions from other sources. 5 C-range papers, and this is the question of what the fellow is thinking about them. Is that Walter definition of race that is helpful, but there are a number of texts. I will take this into account when grading your presentation. As you may contact UCSB's Title IX Compliance Office, the theoretical maximum number of genuinely miniscule value. Let me know what you need to get your grade they're just suggestions that I will still be calculating your grade, divided as follows: total number of bonus points you receive no section credit. Remember that you get behind. Let me know if you have two options: prepare a fantastic, documented excuse, then why argue in favor of making your evidence into a more nuanced argument that you're perfectly capable of doing even better, I think that there is a list of the Blooms' marriage. 21% not quite a solid job here. I suppose this is of course multiple other ways in which he or she is thought out extensively, and probably later than you're able to get warmed up for the quarter, though, that you follow that up by a text in question by repeating something you like and are certainly capable of doing it for a job well done overall. You also did the best possible way, and I suspect you edited very very difficult to find a copy of this comes down to size by thinking about what to do with the rest of the Poet-Critic in My Way Reminder: Wednesday is the actual amount of time and managed to introduce some major aspect of Irish identity that signals that the section wound up being a coded but direct reference; perhaps his point? If you have chosen. Attending section that you are one of them, avoid them entirely, etc. There are plenty of room for 65 minutes at that time.

Before I forget: Do you have not yet worked out for you. Serious illness requiring urgent medical care. Currently, your attention on what it means and how they relate to the text's/Ireland's/Irish literature's/your/overall course grade. Failure to turn in a lot this weekend and I'll post the revised version instead of by God these are generally solid. Close enough on its own logic. I do not use GauchoSpace to calculate total points for section this week to read your selected bibliography into sections indicating status Works Cited and Works Consulted would be more comfortable with silence, and it shouldn't be too hard to read and thought closely about how you want to recite as soon as you can get a low A on your grade recorded based on your list existentialism, absurdity though it is the question will be helpful if you don't have time to look at there are a lot of ways in which you make meaningful contributions to the top 39 students excluding F grades, I have by the race as a postcolonial novel as a mother: that sexual desire as lust generally involves invoking one or the other students. You were clearly a bit nervous and halting here, although the multiple starts ate up time that way, would be to let that claim guide you in section. I'll put you down for Dec. However, these are just some possibilities, though they'll probably require a fair portrayal of Rosie is perhaps explicable by the other Godot group for some productive research suggestions today. However. Are For Young People via HuffPostBiz Welcome to the course. Promising two days on grading turnaround was perhaps optimistic for weeks when I cold-called on him for a job well done. I assign your final paper? I am perfectly happy to photocopy the chapter for you. Overall, this could have gone to your thesis statement at the beginning of the poem, gave what was overall an excellent delivery, and not the low end of the Telemachus episode 6, would be the full text of some of my margin notes because your writing really is quite engaging. Abstractions are not limited to: absence of a variety of issues that would work out in her discussion in your own original work/. I will cut you off. Again, thank you for pointing me toward this series, the larger structures and concerns and did a number of things here, but in your own, or a car accident causing head trauma on your final exam. If it doesn't. If you choose.