#also i know better than to read the comments on popular internet posts

[musicalmoritz]

TikTok shipping discourse is giving me a headache

So I’ve been super excited abt the recent revival of the Gravity Falls fandom because that show was a large part of my childhood. My sister and I watched it as it was coming out, I still vividly remember watching the first episode with her when it aired. It was one of my first big fandoms so I have a lot of fond memories with it (and some not-so-fond, my sister and I would always joke abt how we were just like the Pines twins so certain areas of the internet were…well, awkward to say the least)

Anyways super happy that the fandom is back but why am I seeing so much beef between Dipcifica and Mabcifica shippers??? I don’t remember there being this much discourse before, most people shipped Bill//Dip so that was the biggest rival to Dipcifica I recall seeing at the time, besides Wen//Dip. Oh and also. The other one. But usually ppl were pretty chill abt Mabcifica bcuz it went along well with the mega popular mlm pairing so like,,,even if ppl didn’t care abt them, they were content with that as a way to keep Pacifica out of the picture. There were the typical homophobes ofc but I don’t remember ppl going out of their way to hate on Mabcifica back when I was really into the fandom

This might come as a shock, but I was always Team Dipcifica. It was one of those ships I absolutely fell in love with, I read fics of them on FanFiction.Net and watched all the amvs and cosplays. I liked the idea of Dipper being the guy Pacifica could sort of run away with after escaping her toxic family because I loved her character sm and wanted good things for her. And, well, I related to Dipper a lot so there might have been some subconscious projecting going on there

So yeah, big time Dipcifica girlie but as we all know I’m also a massive multishipper and Femslash Enthusiast™️. It took me awhile to come around to Mabcifica bcuz as I was watching the show I was working through a lot of internalized homophobia, but nowadays I ship them nearly equally to Dipcifica. They are both interesting ships in their own rights with their own appeals. Pacifica was always a character in Mabel’s storylines so people shipping them romantically makes sense to me. I actually look at Mabcifica content more frequently than Dipcifica content now bcuz my main thing is sapphic ships. But if you were to ask me to pick one, I would still probably say Dipcifica

Alright now onto the current discourse. I keep seeing posts on TikTok of Dipcifica shippers explaining why they hate Mabcifica, or bashing the ship in their own edits. I also see a constant flood of comments on Mabcifica posts of ppl hating on the ship and saying Dipcifica is better. My dudes, what happened to “ship and let ship”?? Seeing all of this at the same time I’m seeing a flood of posts saying that ships don’t have to be canon or even make sense, and that ppl should let fandoms have fun, is crazy. And yes I’m gonna pull this card, it’s a little odd for people to specifically be targeting the most popular wlw ship in the fandom. “It’s toxic” mf you ship BILL//FORD

Hate whatever ships you want!! No one is forcing you to like Mabcifica. If they are then block them. But omg I thought we were trying to leave needless ship hate in the past. The ships can coexist, believe me I’m overjoyed that Dipcifica has so many canon implications but ppl are still well within their right to ship Mabcifica

I don’t even care that much abt Bill//Ford (love it and fully support it, have supported it since middle school, but I’m more of a Fidd//author girlie) but I’m glad that’s the fandom’s main focus rn, I couldn’t take it if the ONLY thing the shippers were yapping abt was which Pines sibling Pacifica should hold hands with. Another life saved by toxic yaoi

Mabcifica shippers get behind me

[abbyshands]

Hi kit, do you know how to tell if a person sending asks saying they need donations for their family in gaza, is fake?

Cuz someone sent me an ask and I’ve reblogged it but I was going through the comments and there a several blocked and one of them says that the op is scamming people.

I know there are ppl like this that are that horrible, but I wonder if you know how tell them apart ? Or if anyone knows for that matter. Cuz I don’t want to mislead people and give them the wrong information or anything.

hi, honey! this is gonna be all over the place but. i've had this very thing happen to me before as well, maybe three or so asks just like the one you received. i did fall for the first one, but once you see them over and over again, i think it can get easier to tell when it's a scam. one thing to note is when the actual account began to post. i notice a lot of these accounts began to post in recent days or weeks. at the time that i donated to the first person who sent me an ask like this, it was february, and they began to post around mid january. the next tell is one i see a lot, where they'll reblog a bunch of things about palestine, but they will all be in a matter of hours, days, etc. usually never weeks (and also, you'll see that they randomly begin to reblog in very recent days. ex. all their reblogs are from three days ago and onward). one more thing: look at their posts (not their reblogs. their actual posts), and check if it says "some replies may have been blocked, deleted, removed, etc). absolutely, 100% not a good sign. chances are, replies are being removed by the op because they're getting called out for scamming.

the structure of the actual ask is also a dead giveaway. if it ends in "my goal is x amount of money," usually somewhere in the hundreds or thousands, not a good sign. if they are asking you to respond to their ask PRIVATELY, not a good sign. if you copy part of their ask and paste it into tumblr or do an internet search, and you see it elsewhere, not a good sign! these blogs will go around copying the same message into people's inboxes. chances are, someone else on tumblr has posted about the very person who sent you the ask, OR, you will find it somewhere else on the internet, etc a gofundme (which, by the way, is where most of these scammers obtain their story or pictures. they'll find it in gofundmes as i said, articles, etc). before you engage, copy the username of the person who sent you the ask, and paste it into the tumblr search bar. this is how i found out that the first person who sent an ask like this to me was a scammer.

this post here (which i absolutely implore you to read, as it captures what i want to say here much better than i'm doing so right now) explains why there is an abundance of people on tumblr sending asks like this in people's inboxes. for one thing, they target popular tags (ex. literally, the "palestine" or "gaza" tags, or any tag that may be trending at the time), or, they go for blogs who are consistently reblogging and/or uploading content related to the genocide. why? because they're taking advantage of the fact that you want to make a change in regards to what's going on. and if that's the case, what would stop you from donating to someone "in need," right?

if you want my honest opinion, if someone is sending you an ask about this on tumblr at all, it's likely not real. to put it into perspective: people who are really in gaza and want to escape, raise money, etc, will go to big network places such as gofundme, because there are better chances of them raising actual money in general, but in a short period of time. as opposed to asking people individually, their cause will be more widespread, and more people will see it. not only that: places like gofundme are pros at figuring out what's a scam and what's not. op in the above post noted this, and how places like gofundme will remove causes that are clearly scams. that's why scammers avoid places like this at all, and go to places like tumblr, where it isn't so easy for the actual site to remove their post. it's only when people on the app pick up on it, that scammers' facades fall. does that make sense?

i feel like this sort of jumped around, but i hope i was able to clarify what you were asking anyway. if someone feels the need to add onto this, please do, and if i need to clarify any point i made, etc, please let me know! ♡

[throw-away-bug]

Rambling Thougts

So obviously the show just wrapped up. I had some back and forth thoughts about the final episode just like everybody else. Regardless, my opinion about the episode isn’t what this post is about.

Now that the show is done and concluded I feel a sense of emptiness. I feel stuck and dejected, yet also a sense of appreciation and gratitude.

I’m a chronic lurker online. I never post or reply, I won't ever comment. I leave likes and reblogs often, but that’s on my main, where I can't even get myself to post this. I came into this fandom late. I actually decided to watch it because I saw a family member watching it twice and ironically enough it was the final episode of season 1 and then season 2. I started watching and have been following along for the past year or so. It became a huge fixation for me and I happily liked and reblogged posts, art, fanfics…etc. 

But I never shared my thoughts, my observations, my praises, my art, my love for this show and the fandom community that it created. I only just recently posted my very first piece of fanart on this very blog. But even then I feel too late. 

I’ve spent years lurking and I've watched t.v shows, movies, and book fandoms sizzle out in popularity once the show has ended. Even some extremely interactive and thriving communities burn out when the show ends. I feel like once again I have deprived myself the opportunity to engage with yet another fandom community. A community that understands better than anyone else in the world how it feels to be so deeply connected to something, to be nerdy about something we love and enjoy without judgment or fear of others not grasping in the way we do. It’s these communities that for a fleeting moment make me feel as though I truly belong, and somehow I feel that I continue to deprive myself of these interactions. 

Obviously I kinda spiraled here, haha. 

I truly loved this show, its characters, world building, it’s jam packed story, and all of it’s quirks. Though I never openly participated in the fandom, I wanted to thank the community for being so welcoming, so creative, and making me feel like I belonged without ever knowing I was there. It’s truly something when a bunch of strangers can come together on the internet to openly, warmly and passionately engage with each other to express their love for a show as special as The Bad Batch. 

Anyway, I’m not sure anyone will actually read this but I thought I might as well give myself a bittersweet farewell to a missed opportunity, a I'll miss you to a show that I deeply loved, and a hard shove to a more interactive stay on this odd place we call the internet.

- A Pondering Recluse

[sunnydayroleplay]

Hiya Jack! How are u! I missed you so much! Where have you gone?

Jack speaking, and here are your reminders sunspot!~

- If you're 18- DNI, this is a NSFW post and so is the game it is based off of. This is an 18+ community.

- Those under 18 interacting not only jeopardizes your own safety and well being , it jeopardizes mine, and the creators of the games.

- (As well as moral/ethics.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

! Sunshine Insider Information !

This post includes:

-Jack speaking/ Jack POV.

-Fourth wall breaking potentially??

-Wholesome :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey sunshine! I've been as dandy as a sunflower in the summer! I missed you all so very much.

I've been all sorts of places, but one of them I haven't been to in awhile is well... here! Although I haven't been present for a long while, thank you all! Reading all your sweet messages and comments really remind me lots as to why I do what I do!

I also particularly enjoy reading all your requests and seeing what you come up with! However there are some...hm.. what's the word... concerning requests, I'd like to also remind you some basic ground rules. Ain't nothin' wrong with being a rule follower! It's good to be a leader, but sometimes it's better to be a follower.

Now, number on- I... hold on-

(insert comical searching sounds for stuff in tiny ass bag)

Language!

(my bad)

(insert comical searching sounds for stuff in tiny a██ bag)

Better- Oh! Here we go!

Ahem, here's a few thing's and rules I wrote down! Take notes my sunrises and sunsets.

Sunny Day Roleplay Rules and Reminders!

1. Please read the pinned comment and look at my boundaries there.

I'm tired of the amount of people who continue to disrespect my wishes and are actually trying to threaten me. I know I'm not the best writer/blogger, or the most popular, but the amount of people who ask me beyond inappropriate questions or make continuous requests to the point I have to block and report is unreal. I don't mean to be rude, but please. This is the main reason I had to take a longer break than last in the first place. I can't get things out as soon as you send them. And I cannot reply back to messages as soon as you dm them. I have a personal life too, my life does not revolve around this account.

2. CHILDREN DNI

I cannot stress this enough, the amount of literal ELEMENTARY school children I see following me or dmming my other SDJ accounts is unreal. At this point I don't even care if you're 13-14 (I do, but listen and don't twist my words) but if you're 9-12 on the internet talking with absolute strangers about NSFW shit? You need to put the iPad down and please go to bed. It's painfully obvious and it makes me and albeit a shit ton of people uncomfortable. Please, just stop.

3. To that one group of people. You know who you are.

Stop spamming me photos of James Corden on my twitter while I'm at work or sleeping. Thank you-

Uhm...Sunny?

What, Jack?

That amount of profanity is-

Have you seen what you partake in this account content wise?

But-

Exactly.

Anywho, that's going to be all for today! Have a happy, healthy sunny day, and be sure to eat well and drink water. And remember sunspot, I'll always be here for you.

[smilestrawbunny]

Hey! Just a heads up, I'm sending this to multiple people, since I wanna get as many different viewpoints on this as I can. I hope this doesn't bother you. Also, this is pretty long.

So, I have a question about gamedev, but more on the marketing/presence side.

Most gamedevs I know, even hobbyist ones, keep their accounts relatively professional. Sure, they may shitpost here and there, but it's mostly in relation to their games, the gamedev sphere in general, or very general inoffensive stuff. And, most importantly, I've seldom seen my favorite gamedevs (or any of my favorite internet personalities, for that matter) comment on random videos unrelated to what type of content they usually post.

All of my social media accounts are quite unprofessional. I've also had them for a long time, so there are a few things on my digital footprint that I'd rather people not see. I also, for lack of a better way of explaining, watch and read random shit and like to leave comments on it sometimes.

I feel like, I were to become a gamedev, I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. I'd have to treat my internet presence as its own balancing act, rather than a place for me to express myself unabashedly. I know this is working under the assumption that I would get big and that people would give a damn about me, but there is always the off chance of that happening. Of a random game you make suddenly blowing up because it hit the algorithm just right. So it's better to be prepared. And even if I don't get that big boom in popularity, I still plan to at least make games consistently enough to build a community of their own. Nothing like, huge, but I really enjoy the idea of people enjoying my work and sharing that enjoyment with others. But I don't want that to cross over into my personal life!

I know that's not an impossible feat, but I feel like it kind of destroys the purpose of the internet for me. To me, it's always been a safe space where I could express myself and easily connect with people with similar viewpoints, but I am now coming to odds with this concept as I consider how I want to become a gamedev.

There's also the side note that I don't wanna rebrand. At least not completely. I don't mind cleaning up my accounts or deleting some old ones, but I've grown very attached to being "Quamai". I can't imagine myself having any other online identity, even if there are some cringy moments attached to it.

So, do you have any advice for my situation? How did you personally go about your own online image, and what do you think is the best course of action?

Thank you in advance!

Oh, I am such a funny person to come to about this- I never let being a game dev stop me from interacting with works I like, haha! Maybe that’s just because I’m a smaller creator, though. Just recently I posted death note fan art, I’m currently working up the courage to post about fandom related ocs, and I’m hosting a game jam encouraging fan works that might be considered “cringy.”

The people who like you and your work will still be there regardless. You can count on that as a fact! So why should you stop yourself from having fun?

Life is far too short to be worried about your public image to such a high degree. Like you said, these are already things that you actively do to express yourself and enjoy! So if it gives you any semblance of comfort, I’ll start doing even more “unprofessional” things to help you out there <3 /pos

[the-bjd-community-confess]

As a queer person who prefers queer pairings, I don’t really understand the perspective of the post about not getting why people have heterosexual doll pairings, other than that it was clearly tongue-in-cheek referencing stereotypes that pretty boys and matchy-matchy girl best friends are usually read as queer, but none of that really matters to me because preference is preference and jokes are jokes, but…

To the person who was clearly pressed in the comments… do you know how dumb it sounds to claim that one person making a joke about a personal preference is evidence of straight people /cisheteronormative people now being the victims of oppression at the hands of queer people as if it’s even possible for an oppressed people who are not only a minority in majority groups but also within other minority groups, who experience constant violence, erasure, and borderline genocide, and who are often completely dehumanized to suddenly flip the script on the accepted and popular majority because you feel personally icked out by those oppressed people making jokes in what little freedom that they’re afforded these days is THE wildest take I’ve seen today.

I can only hope the comment was satire, but even if it was… oof. Punching down and giving credence to bigoted ideologies for the sake of an internet joke ain’t it. It certainly didn’t sound like a joke and bigots aren’t known to be especially attuned to satire, so it’s better we don’t make them feel comfortable.

I’m never one for the “straights bad” jokes in the queer community because I think fighting hate with hate (even as a joke) is cheap and problematic, but my man/my woman/my person… cishetero people are not oppressed, not even a little, excluding individuals who exist in a different minority and experience their own oppression, but that should go without saying (but I say it because it seems to need saying in places like this)… yikes.

~Anonymous

[psychewritesbs]

I was reading your post about the megumi character trope and this is related but not?

Anyways, as someone who likes both sasuke and megumi, and I've come to like sasuke recently as I've finally checked out naruto, but it's bizarre to me how superficial their similarities are and it's crazier how people reduce their characters to their aloofness or dar hair or things like that and use that as a way to judge a character overall when their character arcs are so different imo. I have issues with how sasuke's character was handled in the story, but I've become very fond of the things he did for the story overall, so no problem for me, but I'm not sure megumi's arc will end or proceed any similiar to sasuke's with revenge as the main motivation, or at least I don't think so, I'm a couple chaps behind, but yeah, the way both characters process their own trauma or how their motivations are different enough for me to ignore the superficial ways in which they are similiar

I say it's also tough liking both in fandom spaces because naruto is still really popular and jjk is in the spotlight currently, so fandoms can be tense with each other and it's exhausting to see the slander going every which way lol

They say this as a way to slander mgm, but the "Megumi will never be sasuke" is funny because I don't think he's trying to be???

HOLA!

WELCOME to THE ULTIMATE SHONEN BATTLE FOR THE BEST "QUIET AND ALOOF DEUTERAGONIST-KUN": MEGUMI VS SASUKE!

Who's better? Well... let's ask the internet...

ok nvm. NEVER ask the internet for an opinion. ESPECIALLY when the Naruto fans who think Kishimoto is the mother of all anime tropes get involved.

This isn't even a question of whether Gege took inspiration from Sasuke for Megumi because 1) Sasuke himself takes inspiration from a Togashi character and, 2) "quiet and aloof deuteragonist-kun" is one of the most prevalent tropes in animanga--the trope is not even unique to shonen, hell even the 3-man team isn't unique to Naruto.

Nothing against Kishi but... he's doing the same thing every mangaka or author EVER has done--copying tropes.

At least Gege subverts them.

Let's taco'bout it more under the cut because I have many words to vomit about the topic.

Also... man, this is a fantastic conversation to have because, based on the comments I've seen about why Sasuke is "objectively" better, I feel like it comes back to a lack of introspection, dare I say toxic masculinity (?), and perhaps just not understanding or relating to Megumi as a character.

I've written before about Megumi's character development and how relating to him has a lot to do with how deeply you can be introspective about yourself. I won't address character development much here, so if you want to, you can read that post here.

But when it comes to Megumi vs. Sasuke, it's almost like comparing apples to oranges. Yes, they're both fruit (quiet and aloof deuteragonist-kun), AND they also have a different flavor profile, different texture, different scent... the list goes on.

And the way I see it, if someone can't see how the differences between Sasuke and Megumi make them fundamentally different despite sharing the same trope, then they can't "objectively" claim one is better than the other.

So I'm going to go ahead and just say it.

I don't like Sasuke. I never did and I never understood why he was so popular.

The comments about Megumi having the depth of a kiddie pool?

I feel the exact same about Sasuke.

I literally can't think of much to say about him other than he was pissy and had a sour attitude the whole time... umm... he wanted revenge and power... ? I guess?

And you know what? It's perfectly ok that I don't like Sasuke because my subjective opinion does not mean that someone who loves Sasuke is wrong about loving him. After all, my opinion should not be a measuring stick for someone who loves Sasuke.

In fact, I have moots who think very highly of Sasuke AND Megumi, and like them for different reasons. So I actually try to refrain from speaking negatively of Sasuke because I respect my moot's opinions and know that perhaps I am not seeing something they can.

That said, when we compare Sasuke and Megumi, we're measuring the characters against standards that don't apply to either of them.

Since Sasuke is on a revenge character arc, you can't really talk about how he explores his sense of self in order to re-define it (which is one of the main reasons I love Megumi). Sasuke wants power, but that just means he has to train harder.

Megumi does go the training route, but in the end, perhaps it was a moment of clarity and introspection that helped him level up, not just the physical training.

Likewise, since Megumi is on an arc meant to re-define his sense of self, you can't really talk about how he went about seeking power to reach his goal because Megumi is not interested in power for the sake of power, and/or does not have grandiose aspirations.

As you say, their motivations couldn't be more different.

Now, I think it bears repeating that when I started watching jjk, even though I liked him right from the beginning, I thought Megumi was underwhelming af given his trope.

But that's only because, again, I was measuring Megumi against the wrong standards.

In retrospect, I also do feel like Gege wanted Megumi to be perceived as "underwhelming given his trope" (MOST ESPECIALLY SASUKE imo), otherwise the payoff in chapter 58 would not have had the same impact.

So anyways.

To your point. Existing at the intersection of these two fandoms must be an interesting experience because most of the bad comparisons are rooted on surface level similarities.

Thing is, being able to see the nuance between the two characters and why neither is objectively better than the other, does require the ability to read below the surface AND to at least have a certain degree of emotional investment in the story and the characters.

Also, can I just say fandom wars are so pointless?

It's just a bunch of people who can't handle the idea that other people could have a different opinion because they see their opinion as the ultimate truth.

And don't let me act like I'm not the kind of pretentious asshat who will say something like "Megumi is a purposeful deconstruction but Aki is a copy" because I can be quite elitist myself. I just also don't take my opinion too seriously because I know I don't own the ultimate truth about what is and isn't good media.

Also I like to indulge in trash tv like every normal human being in this planet so that alone makes my taste questionable.

To that point, I saw a really good quote that is so relevant to your ask:

The price for certainty means that other people must be wrong. And that leads to holy war.

Lionel Corbett

"uwu Megumi is weak"

But... there's something that has been nagging me about why people don't like Megumi in general that is highly related to how his predecessors, Sasuke included, set the bar we use to measure the trope, most specifically in Battle Shonen.

And that's that the way me measure what makes Megumi a good character is based on toxic masculinity values.

Now... I'm not an expert on the topic, so please correct me if I'm wrong or need to expand my perspective here but...

There's something inherently "toxic" about how people are approaching both Megumi independently of Sasuke, and Megumi compared to Sasuke.

Like... if Sasuke wouldn't curl up in a ball because he's had to experience a traumatic event and instead just keeps on going, that's called repression and/or suppression and it's both not a healthy coping mechanism AND not realistically written.

So what if Sasuke would never?

Why is it wrong for a character (or a real human for that matter) to feel so defeated after the trauma they've had to face?

I am more interested in learning why we are so obsessed with looking down on a fictional character for feeling down on himself... like, Momo, are you ok, dude?

Do you ever allow yourself to feel all your feels or do you just berate yourself when you feel down on yourself?

And why are we measuring trauma on a scale of who has it worse just so that we can cancel someone else's trauma?

Actually, the fact that we can sit here and talk about who has it best and who has it worse like it's a competition?

That's gaslighting, and it's toxic af.

But again. The problem is that jjk fans themselves hate on Megumi independently of whether they compare him to Sasuke or not.

And I'm not sure whether kin here just has shitty reading comprehension skills, but...

I'm noticing a trend that has EVERYTHING to do with my female gaze and it's the fact that I kind of don't give a fuck about power scaling.

Like, it's cool. I'm not hating on people who do, you know. I'm just saying I don't care for it. But what I'm trying to say here is that people hate on Megumi for weird reasons...

Like... I don't think Hyena here is reading the same manga if he can't tell that Megumi has had character development, unless what he expects in terms of character development is...

Which is fine too... I loved dbz back in the day.

Who could ever forget Goku looking like he has to poop so bad his hair grows really long?

But like... are we fucking for real? JJK is far too nuanced to limit your experience of the manga to flashy fights and power ups only.

Again, if this is the standard we are using to measure Megumi as a character, no wonder people are disappointed.

So I say let them eat cake.

No shade to all of the people who I screenshotted here, but they're going to have to come up with smarter arguments to back up their subjective opinions about Sasuke's supposed objective superiority and why Megumi sucks.

In all honesty, the fact that Megumi is perceived as weak strikes me as toxic masculinity.

I get that some people read fiction to escape from their daily lives and not have to face the failures and successes they experience in the real world, but I personally want more human characters who fail and cry because that's more relatable to me than Goku's super powered instinct Saiyan form or whatever its called.

I guess we all read for different reasons. All I'm saying is "don't hate on Megumi for shortsighted reasons."

To bring it back to where it all started, let's be real here:

Megumi will NEVER be Sasuke

and that is fantastic news because Megumi is Megumi and that's exactly why we love him.

Dear anon, I think I went on a rant there hahahaha.

BAH! I just get so annoyed when people hate on Megumi for shallow reasons. Like, if you don't like him, you don't like him and that's that. But like some of the comments about him are just...

LOL!

Thank you for stopping by anon!

[just-a-carrot]

Hey! Just a heads up, I'm sending this to multiple people, since I wanna get as many different viewpoints on this as I can. I hope this doesn't bother you. Also, this is pretty long.

So, I have a question about gamedev, but more on the marketing/presence side.

Most gamedevs I know, even hobbyist ones, keep their accounts relatively professional. Sure, they may shitpost here and there, but it's mostly in relation to their games, the gamedev sphere in general, or very general inoffensive stuff. And, most importantly, I've seldom seen my favorite gamedevs (or any of my favorite internet personalities, for that matter) comment on random videos unrelated to what type of content they usually post.

All of my social media accounts are quite unprofessional. I've also had them for a long time, so there are a few things on my digital footprint that I'd rather people not see. I also, for lack of a better way of explaining, watch and read random shit and like to leave comments on it sometimes.

I feel like, I were to become a gamedev, I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. I'd have to treat my internet presence as its own balancing act, rather than a place for me to express myself unabashedly. I know this is working under the assumption that I would get big and that people would give a damn about me, but there is always the off chance of that happening. Of a random game you make suddenly blowing up because it hit the algorithm just right. So it's better to be prepared. And even if I don't get that big boom in popularity, I still plan to at least make games consistently enough to build a community of their own. Nothing like, huge, but I really enjoy the idea of people enjoying my work and sharing that enjoyment with others. But I don't want that to cross over into my personal life!

I know that's not an impossible feat, but I feel like it kind of destroys the purpose of the internet for me. To me, it's always been a safe space where I could express myself and easily connect with people with similar viewpoints, but I am now coming to odds with this concept as I consider how I want to become a gamedev.

There's also the side note that I don't wanna rebrand. At least not completely. I don't mind cleaning up my accounts or deleting some old ones, but I've grown very attached to being "Quamai". I can't imagine myself having any other online identity, even if there are some cringy moments attached to it.

So, do you have any advice for my situation? How did you personally go about your own online image, and what do you think is the best course of action?

Thank you in advance!

oh gosh what a question ldkjfadl

hmmmm

putting this under a cut because it got long and rambly lakdfa

for me personally i don't think i've ever made that many "right" choices when it comes to how i handle my online presence in game dev, it was mostly just me doing what seemed like the right thing to do at the time. it's also changed a lot all throughout my time as a dev

tho i guess the main thing is that i did create a whole new game dev online identity, so to speak, when i first got into game dev. this wasn't really due to any purposeful thought put into it though and was more just because 1) i didn't really have much online identity anyway at the time and 2) in the beginning i was trying to be more "professional" LOL

when i released easter, i did it without any presence at all. i had no accounts or anything. i literally just finished the game and threw it up on itch and gamejolt using the new studio name i had come up with based on an inside work joke. it wasn't until i started to get a few people talking about the game or linking to it/making vids that i was like hmmm i should have a twitter maybe LOL so like a week later i made a twitter. but i barely posted on it, it was just responding to other people. a year later when i released the 2.0 update i also made a few posts. then thought i might start using it more so started posting just a few random updates of new stuff i was trying out/working on (this was when i made my first couple of posts about early OW stuff)

but then when i shifted out of game dev again for a while, i abandoned it

it wasn't until august of 2021 that i began actively using my account again to post production updates for work on ow. but back then i was a lot more "emotionless" for lack of a better word. like i approached it in a more no-nonsense way than i do today. i also never got that much response from it either, usually lucky to get like 2 or 3 likes on stuff 🤣 over the course of that first year or so though i would change a lot in how i handled my online stuff, acting much more like myself, interacting a lot more with people, and getting increasingly more unhinged(???) LOL perhaps because i'd begun to see that being "super professional" when i'm just a little random person making a game all by myself there's no reason to be so stiff (and it's just much more fun and genuine to not be afraid to be myself and be a bit silly). over this time was also when i'd shift away from using my studio name and just taking the "carrot" identity. because i realized i didn't like people thinking about me as an impersonal studio and wanted to just be me, carrot, interacting with people, making games, and getting unhinged about my chars and stories

is this the right way to do it???? i have no idea. but perhaps since i never have any aspirations of grandeur and don't plan to be any kind of business, it's fine for me. and while it's true that i don't like to post, reblog, interact with, content unrelated to my games or other VN stuff, that's mostly because i don't want to annoy people who i know only follow me for game stuff (i worry about annoying people a lot, actually, it might be one of the core foundations for how i handle myself online LMAO). i don't have any other presence online though. once i started my game dev stuff, carrot became me, and it's all that's out there. so it's not like i need to "separate" anything. but also i'm not a very avid user of social media in general so it's not like i have an active desire to have different accounts so i can tweet about or comment on other stuff lakdjfasd i'm an old socially anxious duck who gets mentally exhausted just scrolling my feed. i don't need to spend any more time online than i already do with my game dev stuff hahaha. i do know some other devs though for instance that have private accounts on twitter just for their friends and more personal thoughts. so that's always an option too

as for what you should do in your own situation with your own online presence, i'm not really sure, as it all comes down to what you want. for me, since i didn't have much presence anyway, and because i wanted my game dev stuff to be its own thing, it made sense for me to create a new presence just for game dev (that eventually evolved into my entire self LKDJFAS). so it's hard for me to say what would be the best course of action if you already have an online presence that forms a core part of your identity that you don't want to lose. it also depends on what you want to eventually do with your games and if you see yourself really wanting to pursue it actively and make it a big part of your life. most devs that i know do have "game dev" presences for lack of a better word, where if you go to their accounts, it's just for game dev. or they create studios and studio accounts. i think no matter what you decide to do, even if you keep the name the same, it would probably be best to at least keep your game dev stuff separate, because people could potentially be put off from following an account for games but then their feed gets filled with a lot of non-game stuff from you that they don't care about

no matter what you decide to do though, i recommend being yourself no matter what. whether you keep with your same identity or craft a new game dev only one, still do what feels right for you on that account and be yourself and have fun with it!! game dev can already be such an isolating and hard experience, so creating a space where you can be silly and have fun with other devs and fun with your chars and ideas can really help so much to give you motivation and just enjoy your time creating games!!!

(sorry if this was a complete ramble that didn't even still fully answer the question; i can only speak from my own personal experiences that i went through after all and i don't really have any good or professional answers since i also have no idea what i'm doing most of the time 🤣)

[goneahead]

I was tagged by @radiowrites and @stephmcx thank you♥️!!

Hi! I am @goneahead on tumblr. I am also goneahead on A03 and goneahead over on dreamwidth (see links in my pinned post - my internet has gone wonky again)

So, this was definitely not one of my better years. I have three WIPs and while I plodded away at all three, I was never happy enough to post new chapters.

What’s really sad is I finally hit 1 million words posted on dreamwidth—and then I pretty much struck out this year. I’m mostly posting this cuz I think its good for newer writers to realize that yes, even experienced writers have years where things just go all pear-shaped.

My grand total for fanfic was: 1,513😳

I don’t keep track of my poetry word count, but I started the year writing poem #926 and ended the year writing poem #947

Total Number of Fanfics: about 150

Total Number Of Completed Works: this year? 0

Total Number of WIPS worked on this year: 3

How Many WIPs do you still have: 4

Looking back, did you write more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? Much less. In fact, this year was pretty much a bust.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Well considering I spent all year writing three fics and wasnt happy enough to post anything….

Biggest Surprise: I would love to say I was surprised at how little I posted, but I am a disorganized idjit and—yeah. nobody is shocked.

Biggest Disappointment: see above😆

Do you have any writing goals for the new year? Finish Home verse. Let’s see how that goes….

Fanfiction Questions Below! (if you don’t write fanfiction feel free to skip or rework the questions for your original works.)

Fandoms I’ve written in this year? Hawaii Five-0

Your most popular story of the year? sadly, I didn’t post a new story, just a poem and a tiny addition to another verse.

The story that was easiest/or most fun to write? Still enjoying my MIB AU. Now if I could actually finish it…

Hardest story to write: Lead Me Through the Fire from 2022 was one of those fics where all the different pieces of the plot had to fit together just so. I spent more time than I’d like to admit second-guessing myself on how I arranged the chapters.

Your sweetest funniest story: I have a soft spot for Hawaii Five-0’s Eric Russo. The character is very funny and often wildly inappropriate. I wrote a scene in one of my WIPs where Eric is just soooo Eric

Your saddest scene: I didn’t write anything sad this year.

The sexiest moment you’ve written this year? again, nada.

Your favorite tag: diplomatic javelining😆

Most unintentionally telling story: hmmm. I can’t think of anything too revealing in my fic? Except a tendency to write too many AUs?

Are any of your fics named after/heavily inspired by music? Yes. A lot of my fics have their own playlists and that music definitely influenced those fics. I don’t usually share these songs—or name my fics after songs—because I listen to a lot of obscure stuff most people have never heard of.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? I continued to get a lot of interesting and thought-provoking comments on Care and Feeding of a Super SEAL this year. There are many amazing fix-it fics for S10xE22 written by insanely talented writers—so its crazy and humbling that people are continuing to read and comment on mine.

Fanfiction risks you took this year? sadly, none.

My favorite part of fandom this year: We had new people join our fandom!

You know, I really don’t get what has happened to fandoms these last few years. It used to be that fans just shrugged and continued to write, create, and have fun—even their fandom didn’t have any new content being made. Am I the only one who thinks its weird that most fans now book it for the nearest exit as soon as a show is canceled or a movie series is over?

letsee, tagging um, @cowandcalf @bennyokelly @itwoodbeprefect @stellagioia @redgoldblue

[dramionediscussion]

Sorry for taking a while to get back to you. Also, I had to block some titles and names from this post since we don't allow hate towards specific people and their work, we can discuss things in general about fics, but calling out names and specifying why you don't like a person's work is not allowed.

Here is the thing, art is subjective. Just because you do not like a thing, doesn't mean others feel the same. You cannot understand how people like these very popular stories? Well, those people can't understand how you cannot like them.

Not every story needs to be well written, or has character development, is plot-driven etc. A story can be simple, basic characters, easy plot, no drama etc. There are indeed so many great fics out there, and yes some of them are better than others, some have better world-building, and you wonder why hasn't this blown up? But just because they haven't gotten as much attention as others, doesn't mean the popular fics are bad.

I am one of those people who suggest you read the classics when you enter the fandom. The Dramione fandom started in the early 2000s, but mid 00 to late 00, there was an explosion of fanfiction and for a lot of us still here after all these years, these are the fics that pulled us in. Those are the fics that we first read, and that we have nostalgia for. Those are the ones we have read a few times. So when new people come and ask for recs, we tell them read those. Read those earlier stories to get an idea of how the fandom evolved. Read the most popular fics so you can get a feel of the fandom. Those stories were the ones that created some of the fandom's headcanons, those are the ones that later authors ended up taking inspiration from. Were they the best-written ones? No. Did they have a of spelling and grammatical errors? Yes. Was it incredible OOC at times? Of course. But they still shaped the Dramione community.

Onto your next point, you shouldn't get angry at fanfiction authors trying to rewrite their work to remove the HP references from their novels. You should be angry at the publishing houses for making them rewrite fanfiction instead of an original story. So many authors are getting book deals based on their fanfiction and the publishing houses want that, not original ideas, they want a novelization of the already popular fanfic. That fanfic has a built-in audience who will pay for the new version, and the publishing industry knows this.

A lot of people in general have some negative thoughts on fanfiction, so when they hear that a book was written by someone who wrote fanfiction, or that this new novel was once fanfic, they get turned off. The new Anne Hathaway movie is said to be based on fanfiction, the author said it is not, but she does take inspiration from modern celebrities. But people didn't listen to the author and listened to what the internet had to say and joked about the movie before it came out. (After it came out people really liked it and no one is mentioning the fanfiction thing anymore).

A good author can take a story based in another world and rework it. Having not read those Dramione authors turned novelists' work before, I cannot judge whether they accomplished that or not. And I rather read it myself than listen to Goodreads reviewers. (I use Goodreads a lot, but many times find myself disagreeing with the most liked reviews.)

Also I actually read a very popular published romance book that was once a Reylo fanfic, and I didn't know it was fanfic nor do I know anything about that fandom, but I still loved it.

Your last point about authors getting a lot of praise and not enough criticism. I kinda agree to a point. They have the ability to block or delete negative comments. There has been an instance where someone left a comment that was perceived as negative and the author complained about it publically and the fans went to harass the commenter! That is horrible. But I don't think it is because everyone is "sensitive now", there are loads of people who ask for criticism, they welcome it. Just because you have noticed a handful of people acting this way, doesn't mean everyone is the same.

And again if they "publish actual novels that in reality have flat characters, chaotic development of events and in general are objectively bad", blame the publishing industry who allow this to happen so they can put out stuff quicker and make money faster. Because for them and many other industries, that's all that matters, money, not quality.

-Lisa

[edwinspaynes]

hey I saw on twitter someone called you a racist , can you post thah anon? I cant believe it how can people be like that

or did you delete the ask?

Hey anon! Thanks for coming to me directly. You're a sweetie <3

You know what, I wasn't going to address this because it's so stupid, but I figure I have nothing to hide.

What happened was I made a joke that was like "if you voted for thomastair (in the least popular ship poll), you're a monster block me." It was intended in the same tone as Will telling Tessa she's a monster for hating chocolate, or me telling one of my best friends she's a monster for not liking ice cream. This did not go over well online since it's hard to indicate tone, and I am an awkward person. I got this anon. You can read my response beside it.

I am sincerely sorry to those who were hurt by my initial comment.

However, this still sits poorly with me because Thomas and Alastair literally have sex on page and are all over each other throughout the book. My intention wasn't to accuse anyone of homophobia, it was to shed light on the way that this was perceived because I quite frankly see no way to perceive Thomastair as platonic.

Even if you don't like them. They're all over each other.

Anyway, I then got this anon:

I didn't reply to it because I was sincerely sorry for hurting their feelings and I didn't want any drama. So I deleted the offending posts, having apologized.

Also, this response has a lot of really obvious flaws, and I originally didn't feel like picking apart the anon in ways that I think are just common sense.

But if I have to reply to this ask, fine.

I don't think Kit is aroace because he's neurodivergent, I think he's aroace because he consistently shows a lack of interest in relationships. Other neurodivergent characters like Henry and Ty are obviously not aroace.

I don't think Grace is aroace because she was abused. Abuse doesn't always make you aroace. I just like her in a qpp with Kit. As for Alastair, he's canonically gay. Attracted to men. They're incomparable in the text.

I do not think Charles is violent. I have specifically said "STATUTORY rape." Alastair was a kid he groomed when he was 14-16. I don't think it was violent, but it's statutory rape.

I fail to see how my thinking that a woman of color (Cordelia) who I adore could do better than a specific white man is racist. I also am not denying that they're in a relationship as anon is doing with Thomastair. Also I'm not a Jordelia anti, I like them fine since Cordelia is happy. I just don't find their dynamic interesting.

As for Jem, don't care. I just don't care about this character. And I never said I wanted to erase him from existence, I just said he's overused in current content and I wish he'd be utilized less frequently.

I also was linked to a post where I'm apparently being fileted for this shitpost:

I don't think this post is controversial, and it also wasn't directed at any one person. In fact, the individual who took offense to it was totally off my radar until like 2 days ago when I was sent the post. They could not be less relevant to me and I definitely have never thought of them when making a post.

Thomastair is just a ship that is to me- and apparently many other people, considering my engagement- synonymous with hope and happiness. Because that's what they represent, hope and second chances and healing. Generic posts like this are just... generic. If someone I haven't thought about in months feels personally attacked, that's not my problem.

This is all I'm going to say about this. I will not be answering more anons about it or addressing any juvenile callout posts that anyone chooses to make. Honestly this experience is mostly funny to me because, like, I am just some random blogger on the internet at the end of the day. The block button is great. Use it.

[e77y]

Long but relatively unserious vent/rant below the cut (sorry I added this in bc I realized how long this post is oops)

Being at the center of some kind of internet witchhunt (which ik is kind of buzzwordy but) is literally my biggest fear ohhh my god. Even a small scale one… I think I would Die. Maybe it’s because I had a similar thing happen with my friend group in high school where one of them convinced the others I was like evil and spread all these rumors about me… 😭 He was splitting on me but still. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. And it basically confirmed all of my intrusive thoughts about myself, and my personality completely self-destructed and changed, and I haven’t interacted with any of those people the same way since. I isolated from them for MONTHS and just loathed myself. Bleh

The reason it’s on my mind is bc I’ve seen this happen to friends and mutuals and even just people I’ve followed in small fandoms, where the whole fandom hates them bc of this little drama and like. I KNOW that fandom drama is not the end of the world, but truly I think that would destroy me for months. And I would never be able to set foot in those spaces again :’) Getting a handful of rude comments about a fucking transfem hc I had at like 14 made me stop writing fanfic for YEARS 😭😭😭 sigh. Just bc they said it was ‘out of character for him to want to be a girl’ 🙄 (<- character who canonically felt confident when dressed as a woman btw. initially for a disguise but then she grew to love it. BUT I DIGRESS KNSHFJW)

All this to say I think that’s why I tiptoe around everything I say online… I am SO scared of ruffling feathers, but I know that fandoms are places for like! Having fun! And it’s not a big deal! And it doesn’t affect my real life! But like idk.. I just hate the idea of being hated by anyone. I’m sure that I ANNOY some people, and that’s whatever; I talk a lot and make overly personal posts sometimes (like this lol) but I don’t wanna be HATED yk? And idek if it’s better to be hated and ostracized publicly or resented in secret by people who still interact with you… :( Agh. If you ever have an issue with me, please DM me instead of letting it build up into something worse!

ANYWAY LIKE.. with fandom stuff. Idk. I want to have fun! I want to write and post things on Tumblr and AO3 etc but I am just very scared of peoples’ opinions, especially now that I have a decently popular/well-liked longfic in DnDads. For some reason I have convinced myself that writing bad or self-indulgent NSFW will make everyone hate me lmao. Like girl the POINT of fanfic is to be self-indulgent……….. sigh I need to get out more

^ light-hearted… but also kinda true haha. I stay at home a lot just bc I don’t have many reasons to go out atm and only a handful of close friends to go out with. Hopefully that will change when I move next semester lol. And whenever I get interests, they’re VERY strong and long-lasting, and fanfic writing is one of my main hobbies, so I get REALLY into online communities. And rn that is kind of my little niche fandom Tumblr bubble… which is embarrassing and probably unhealthy but whatever. I just inevitably get a lot of anxiety about things that are important/fun to me (bc OCD), especially bc I’ve never really had mutuals/‘friends’ in a fandom before this, excluding my irls

Anyway this got longer and more vent-y than I intended so I will tag accordingly, and sorry to whoever is reading this lol; I just wanted to get my thoughts written down in a public forum bc idk… Makes me feel less insane when ik other people can see it, too. Helps me not take it too seriously and spiral lol.

[the-fools-errand]

Three things to end the year

Thank you @thehoneybeet (Three things here) for tagging me into the three things thing :) It’s about to be NYE in the part of the world where I live, and with this well-timed tag, it only seems fitting to end the year with a bit of reflection. 

This year between June and September I moved to a new country, which ended up being an even bigger adventure than I had expected. While I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, I’ve found myself being pulled away from some of my creative pursuits and redistributing that energy to settling in to new habits in a new place and learning a new language. I’ve definitely missed being an active part of the Drarry fandom, but I have loved watching from the sidelines as new fics and fests have posted, and this community never fails to fill me with joy when I need it most. So thank you everyone for making this such a special corner of the internet! 

1. The Secret Keeper (2021, 225K) - My most popular fic by a longshot, SK is a special fic to me for many reasons. HD/BB was the first fest I ever participated in, modded by the incredible @gracerene and @writcraft, without whom this fic would never have seen the light of day. I was travelling for my job as I worked on this fic for the better part of a year, including on 15+hour flights across the globe, and even a particularly memorable setup using an ironing board as a desk in a small hotel room during the final weeks before the finish deadline 😂

I also had the extreme luck/joy/honour of being partnered with @razielim who illustrated the fic with three showstopping pieces that still take my breath away. When Razielim sent me the first drafts, I was standing in a cafe and literally exclaimed out loud. It’s hard to put into words what it means to partner with an artist and see a collective creative work come to life. When I stumbled in the home stretch of writing, I’d take a look back at these pieces and be re-inspired to carry on. 

Without hyperbole, the single most integral piece of SK was working with my incomparable Beta partner, @thehoneybeet. HB was part of the story from the time it was just a collection of sticky notes on a wall, through to middle-of-the-night speed writing/editing sessions, and everything in between. Stephen King once said that every author should write for their “first reader,” the person they can trust to believe in and bring out the best of their work, and for me, that is HB! Love ya, friend. 

Secret Keeper is a Hogwarts-era canon rewrite AU, in which Dumbledore hides Harry’s survival at the hands of Voldemort under a Fidelius Charm, leading the Wizarding World to believe that none of the Potters survived, and for Harry to grow up as a muggle. Draco is set to take up the mantle of a Death Eater once he comes of age, but when Harry shows up at Hogwarts under McGonagall’s direction, he’s brought under the charm to teach Harry Occlumency. The story is an exploration of the clash of destiny and agency, and what happens if we choose not to follow the path laid out for us. Plus there’s a sonnet. 

The last thing I’ll say about SK is that as my first real piece of writing that landed in this community, I had no idea what sort of response to expect from readers -- and was utterly blown away with the kindness and encouragement I received. I read every comment with a full heart, and when @sitp-recs wrote this rec, I thought I would just about explode. I often revisit this AU in my daydreaming, and HB knows, I have fully outlined a sequel if I can ever get around to it! Maybe for the next BB :) 

2. In the Bleak Midwinter (2022, 105K) - I’m cheating on the three things prompt and putting up my second most popular fic, because this one was a surprise even to me! I truly had no plans to write a longfic at the beginning of the year, but as I perused the LCDrarry prompt list, an incredible Peaky Blinders prompt by @seekercass caught my eye and I was hooked. My partner in crime, HB, even watched the full first season of PB for me, just to be able to advise on characterisation and plot points. Fest mod @celilasart was an epic support, and helped me with timing as I dashed to make the posting cutoff. 

In the end, what resulted was a dark AU, where Voldemort had won years ago, and the boys were living in a world where magic was banned, the wizarding world had broken open into the muggle world, and Hogsmeade was a town riddled with crime. Draco (as Tommy) is a complex and tortured head of the Black family gang, keeping everyone afloat while trying to carve out a better life. Harry (as Grace) is an agent of the Order, reporting in to Snape (as Campbell), and sent on a mission to Hogsmeade to solve a case of missing wands, a shipment meant for the front lines of Voldemort’s ever-expanding territory. 

Writing this fic was an unexpected delight, where unlike Secret Keeper, I really had very little idea of where I was going with everything when I started. Getting to weave in characters like Sirius, Tonks, Pansy, Neville, and Narcissa, was such a joy, and it was an exercise in opening up my creative process to different styles of writing. That said, this was probably the fic where I hit my biggest creative roadblock, when I couldn’t get Harry and Draco to stop being Grace and Tommy and start being themselves. HB was there for a major kill-your-darlings rewrite moment, which was totally necessary, and in the end I love where the fic ended up.

3. Silver Lining (2022, 14K) - For my hidden gem, I’m picking a fic that (gasp) isn’t even a Drarry! One of my goals at the start of 2022 was pushing my boundaries in terms of character and voice, and when I came across a prompt for a super small fest, which was simply “Neville re-sorted,” I knew I had to give it a try. Neville had been a surprisingly crucial character in both SK and ITBM, and unexpectedly so. So having the chance to explore him as a character in his own right was a really fulfilling exercise, and this fic ended up being an arc about friendship more than anything. 

SL is a cannon rewrite AU (because somehow I still only write AUs), where Neville is sorted into Slytherin and Draco takes up the responsibility of making sure his fellow housemate lives up to his full potential. Seven short sections, spanning seven years at Hogwarts. This one is short and sweet, and yes, I still managed to fit in Drarry somehow 😜

Honourable Mention: A Mutual Inconvenience (2022, 4K) - after a complete hiatus from writing for most of the year, I pulled together this short gift for my first reader and fandom bestie, HB. A bit of holiday melancholy which scratched a certain itch this season, and is a bit of a deviation from my usual stuff. 

Just want to take a moment to put some love out there again to all of you reading this. it’s been such a delight getting to know many of you and just being part of a fandom as special as this one. If you’re seeing this any you haven’t already been tagged to do your Three Things, please do! Happy New Year, and here’s to a magical 2023!

[girlonthelasttrain]

my one Legend of Korra fic from 2017 just got to an interesting kudos milestone.

If we're taking that number seriously it's my most popular fic. Actually it's always been my most popular fic and it's always been a bit strange to think about! I wouldn't at all write it in the same way now but I'm still proud of it as the first story I ever had the courage to post anywhere on the internet, even if I was already in my late twenties by then.

Shortly after I posted that fic I got into Trek femslash which is a much much smaller fandom, plus I feel like I turned away a bit from the most popular tropes of f/f fic, which makes for an interesting dichotomy. On one hand if we go by pure numbers alone, I've always been doing "worse" than my first fic, but on the other I'm fairly proud of how far I've come as writer since then, and very grateful at the level of engagement I got on pretty much all of my other fic. Even considering the notorious kudos/views ratio, a lot of the works I'm proudest of are below the dreaded 0.1 threshold. (This is not even getting into how views are counted on AO3 which tl;dr I have the suspicion is not very accurate, especially on multi-chapter works.)

I still take a look at the statistics in my AO3 page (mostly because I like to compare wordcounts) but the more years pass the more meaningless the numbers become to me. Every time I see a post on here that cites a numbers-based criteria on which people choose to read or choose to be proud of their own work, I admit I feel a bit dejected. I don't think the numbers measure anything but how much a single story appealed to most readers in one given fandom. And even then so much engagement happens through word of mouth, the "appeal" is really hard to pin down from the raw numbers AO3 collects. My Legend of Korra fic got read a lot after the show landed on Netflix, for example, three years after I posted it.

I don't know. Those numbers for a first fic with which I was stretching my writing muscles in public for the first time keep me grounded. I'm very grateful, obviously, that people read it and still read it. It also helps me remember that things like numbers have meaning only insofar as I allow them to. Again, I would not write the same fic at all today. Maybe I can only say this because my first attempt at fic in English was warmly received, and perhaps in another universe very close to this one I would have found a different hobby by now. But then again I recall better as "warm reception" the fact that my beta reader offered to look it over sight unseen and all the comments I got on it, rather than the raw numbers alone.

[trying414]

20 questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for tagging me @talkstoself

1. How many works do you have on A03?

42

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

102,210

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Miraculous Ladybug, Batman, and Maribat, but I've been known to dip into Doctor Who, Austin & Ally, and the Thundermans (though the Austin & Ally can only be found in the Internet Archive because middle-school-me was wild. And it has a different username so happy hunting lmao)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. I'm Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone 4. 1 - Sofa 3. 7 - Breeding Kink (Honorable Mention: Babies) 2. Buzz Buzz Bitch 1. Tag Teamed on the Tower (I really should have seen that cumming)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Because I feel guilty if I don't Because I don't honestly get a ton, so I can't be overwhelmed by it. If I was a big name, maybe I wouldn't reply to as many, but I don't get a ton, so I find it easier to handle. This is not me fishing for comments, I swear. I'm just as guilty of not commenting (I'm trying to do better, but I don't always remember, and I don't always have it in me. I do always kudos, though). I write for me (mostly), but if you enjoy it, great! If not, to each their own. But never feel obligated to comment on my fics. I would rather you read and say nothing than feel stressed/guilty for not commenting.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

...hm. Considering the majority of my fics are either unfinished or prompted oneshots, I don't have a lot with angsty endings. I do have a lot with angst, though. Angsty ending? Hm. I'm going to have to go with I'm Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again with the ending thing 😂 It doesn't help that a lot of them are open-ended. And what kind of happy are we talking? Happy😁 or Happy 😏? But also you've asked one of the most indecisive people on the planet. The last one was easier. The whole thing is angst. (And I generally try to stick to happier/hopeful endings.) This, though? Pass. Someone else pick.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not on AO3? But AO3 is also bigger, and I don't post a lot. I live in my dark little corner on the interweb. I think most of the hate I've gotten was on FFN, and even then, I don't get a lot. Perks of writing for big fandoms, updating inconsistently, and generally having shorter fics. You get lost in the mix. (This is not a brag, but it's also not a complaint. I'm happy in my corner. Well...I'm content. Not ecstatic, not suffering.)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Lots of smut. Does it all get posted? No 😂 Half, no, more than half of it doesn't even get written. You can guess on the kind. I have things that I won't write, but I feel like those are pretty limited. If I don't know it and it isn't a limit, I would probably at least try. (Ex: my most popular fic is a threesome, which I've never had, with a hemipene, which I've also never dealt with (I mean in the toy sense, I know human people do not have hemis.))

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't write a lot of them. I'm just dipping my toes into writing them (for now, solely Maribat). I've had a shit ton of ideas for them (years ago I had one for a Doctor Who x H2O: Just Add Water fic, but that remains an idea in my OneDrive)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, I don't know about it. I'm a singular grain of sand in a whole beach of authors. I'm harder to find, and I'm certainly not well-written enough for it. (At least, not to me.)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. Sounds scary. :)

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

As a general life rule, I don't have favorites lmao. Mostly because I'm indecisive as hell. Minimally because then something will be left out.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Gonna steal TalksToSelf's answer and go with: All of them 😭

16. What are your writing strengths?

Porn. Porn and Depression. Angst. Occasionally fluff. Mostly Porn, though.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Flow. Word variation. Consistency. Inspiration/Motivation. I could go on, but those are enough for now.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Mostly, I'll write in italics/bold/(not quotes but I'm blanking... the two different apostrophes???)'these' and indicate what it was spoken in, but if it's a singular word/phrase, like a nickname, I normally just use the word itself, with an explanation for it at some point in the fic.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Austin & Ally

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I do not have a favorite child. I love and hate them all equally.

No pressure tagging @hamsteriffic @miraculouslymundane @littlemourningstar @izanae @boldlyanxious ... I'm done. Someone else take over tagging people.

[smilingformoney]

Today marks one year since I started publishing Soul of Ice.

I didn’t publish it on Ao3 until 24 Jan due to waiting for an account, but it was first posted here on Tumblr. That original post has an entire seven notes.

As of writing this (this post is queued - I’m writing this on 14 Dec. Hi future Tumblr!), on Ao3 I have 160 comments, 278 kudos, 46 bookmarks and 11k+ hits. Plus Merlin knows how many Tumblr comments, messages and asks I’ve had over the last year.

This is honestly overwhelming. I know there are a lot of Snape fics out there with better numbers - but OC stories are a lot less popular than reader or canon character fics, so I very much take this as a win. We all know we can’t kudos twice, so the fact that over two hundred and fifty people have gone “yeah this is alright” is beyond anything I comprehended a year ago.

So what did I comprehend a year ago? Honestly, barely anything. I certainly didn’t expect the story to turn into what it is today. I had this concept of Dad Snape rattling in my brain itching to get out, so I started out with the intention of a few one-shots, writing them down in whatever order they came to me in - similar to what the spin-off prequel, Morality Is An Illusion, is now.

Obviously, I failed at that. The story just kept growing and growing in my mind, and Sephy and Abbie just took over. Abbie has been rattling around in my head for 11 years now, and she’s taken various forms in various daydreams about various fandoms. But she began life as Snape’s daughter, and she will always be Snape’s daughter.

Sephy is fairly new. For a long time she had a different name and wasn’t relevant to the story. Even when I started writing, she wasn’t intended to be all that key to the story. And while Soul of Ice will always be a love story about Snape and Abbie, the development of Snape and Sephy grew into a much bigger part of the story, and I can no longer see the story as anything other than one of three players.

I have met some incredible people on here. I’ve been active in various fandoms in various formats (I’m old enough to remember when fandoms mostly congregated on message boards 👵🏻) for 16 years and I can say, without hesitation, that the Tumblr Snape fandom is the best fandom I have ever been in. Some of my mutuals read my fic, some don’t - and honestly, kudos to those that don’t but still let me on their dashes with my bullshit. (But also, you should read it 👀) This feels like a space I can talk about my hyperfixation without judgment or anyone telling me to shut up. We are all here with love for Professor Blorbo, whatever form that may be.

Y’all know I’m in love with @sevsnapes and want to steal her from her husband. Even in 16 years of fandom, most internet friends come and go, and I’ve rarely found someone who became an irl friend. But Becca has definitely become not just a snestie but a bestie 💚 and it’s all thanks to bonding over writing. Sometimes I think Soul of Ice lives in her head rent-free more than it does mine, which is saying something. The story would not be what it is today without her input and support.

I’ve said it on here before, but every story and every character is a little piece of the author’s soul. Abbie in particular is a massive chunk of my soul. So the fact that people adore her? When people say they came for the romance with Sephy and stayed for the love story with Abbie? When people (usually Becca) message me out of the blue saying “I was just thinking about Abbie”? Honestly fills me with so much love, and it makes me feel seen and accepted.

As I’ve said, Abbie has been a part of me for so long, and I’ve never shared her before. Sephy may be a newer creation, but she was the spark that got me to start really turning concepts into a story.

So what has happened over the last year has been more than just a bit of fun. I have exposed a previously hidden part of my soul to some complete strangers online and I’ve been met with overwhelming acceptance. For someone with trauma deeply rooted in rejection, this is a completely new and, honestly, very healing experience.

I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I’m not where I expected to be now a year ago. And that’s all thanks to Abbie, Sephy, Sev and, most importantly, you lot.

Every comment, kudos, like, view, ask, message - they all bring me so much warmth I could never describe. Thank you 💚