#also i know this is hopeless but PLEASE lia

[astraystayyh]

The snow falls, we fall apart.

summary: when heartbreak looms on your life, and winter becomes a time you loathe, hyunjin helps you rewrite your memories with the season, and with it, everything you once believed about love.

genre: producer student!hyunjin x reader. roommates!au. friends to lovers. acute descriptions of heartbreak and general sadness. slow burn. hurt/comfort. healing and hopeless romantic hyune. very inspired by long for you so lots of pining and yearning. (wc: 13k)

warnings: mentions of alcohol. it is implied that reader was in an a very toxic relationship but no details are shared.

a.n: happy birthday to my hyunjin, my muse, my light. thank you for being so full of love that it made me love love again in return. this is i think my most personal piece, and i hope it reminds those who need it that love should be soft and kind, that it shouldn’t hurt, that it should heal not break. i love you guys and i love you my xi, writing this collab with you has been a true honor <3 also!! please listen to long for you while reading :,)

winter falls masterlist.

You’ve only ever felt utter despair twice in your life.

First, when you were seven years old, playing hide and seek with your cousins at your grandma’s house. It was a warm summer afternoon, the air sweetened by pastries you devoured hours ago. You decided to hide in a wooden cabinet up in the attic, only to end up stuck there. The walls felt like they were closing in on you, the oxygen seeping away from the cracks underneath the door, leaving you deprived of air, of life.

Second, at twelve, when you've come to discover sorrow's new facet, clad in grief's heavy cloak. Your parents adopted a hamster for your birthday, but they did not know he had a terminal disease. You were distraught, to say the least, when you awoke to its still form, death claiming a frail heart unaware of its imminent fate.

And now, third, many many moons later, you are knocking on Hyunjin’s door a few minutes after midnight. It is cold out, tears tracing rivulets on your cheeks, your fingers tinted pink from roaming outside in the harsh winds, your heart much heavier than when you were a child. More grief-stricken, at your own hands, this time.

A disheveled Hyunjin opens the door, his blonde ash hair tousled and sticking upwards, a clear indication of the many times he had run his hands through it in fits of frustration. His gray hoodie zipped up hastily, revealing the silver cross necklace he was wearing, nestling perfectly against his honeyed skin.

You've always had an aversion to seeking comfort, saw it as revealing your deepest vulnerabilities to a world that isn't always kind. It was easier, much simpler to do so when you were a clueless child— when you sank in your cousin Lia's hold as she attempted to steady your breathing, when your mother cradled you in her lap after Pinky died.

It is much harder now, much more embarrassing because Hyunjin has never seen you this sad, never glimpsed your shadows that now swarm his doorstep, unannounced.

“What's wrong?” he quickly asks, eyes darting over your figure in a rapid search for visible wounds. He wouldn’t find any. All your injuries stem from within— blood doesn’t have to be spilled for your heart to weep.

You had rehearsed a lie as you walked up to his doorstep. You would say that your car broke down near his place and ask if you could stay over for the night. He would insist he could drive you to your place and you’d refuse, saying that it was too late and you did not wish to bother him. You’d sleep on the couch and slip away in the early hours of the morning.

Yet, it is the genuine worry etched in his eyes that dismantles the fortress you've hidden in, melts the lie in your throat, morphing it into a steel lump coiling in your throat. He looks concerned when all you’ve had directed towards you recently was anger. And you missed someone looking at you in care, not reproach.

“I didn’t know where else to go.” You admit, your voice shattered, fragments of your vocal cords scattered out in the wind like a broken mosaic, the sound of it scraping against your ears.

Blow one hurt. It felt like your body turned against you as it deprived you of oxygen. The sobs that escaped you once you perceived the light pained you, perhaps more than being confined in the darkness.

Blow two was even worse, it was your first time experiencing grief. It was too hard of a concept for your innocent heart to grasp, too complicated for you to find solace in anything as adults do.

You promised yourself that you’d reserve blow three for monumental agonies— big pains and big sorrows only. That’s how you managed to keep all your tears at bay for most of your life. Would they be worth losing your third sob for? No, you've always found the answer to be.

And in all the twisted scenarios you’ve conjured up in your mind, deaths and illnesses and the haunting tale of failure, you did not imagine that it would happen on Hwang Hyunjin’s doorstep. That you’d burst into sobs at the compassionate look in his gaze, and the sad smile he sent your way. As if he knew, as everyone did around you. That you had handed a knife to a serial killer and it was only a matter of time before he stabbed you in the heart.

Two weeks ago.

“I’m trying to understand you but you aren’t helping me,” Seungmin is frustrated as he paces relentlessly before you from left to right like a swinging pendulum. You sit on the couch, beholding only his shoes, avoiding his gaze that would reflect the truth you dare not confront.

“He’s sucking the life out of you, can’t you see that?”

You can, out of everyone that surrounds you, you can see it the most. You feel as if you are carrying a skin that isn’t your own, weighed down by a relationship that has taken everything from you. But admitting it is admitting that you were wrong, in trusting him, in loving him. You couldn’t bear it.

“We are fine!” you shout back, the defiance in your voice surprises even you. This is a familiar script with Seungmin, a recurring conversation spurred by your puffy eyes and diminishing appetite. He tells you, begs you to leave, but where could you go? How could you leave a home where you've shed all your treasured belongings at the door— your skin, your bones, your very self.

What place would welcome you now that you're stripped bare of your soul?

“When was the last time he made you smile, huh? All he does is hurt you, and you...” he chuckles incredulously, running his hand through his hair. “You are letting him.”

Deny, deny, deny.

“This isn’t true. He loves me,” the words taste foreign in your mouth like rusty metal dragging across your lips. A small voice whispers that love shouldn't feel like this, but you quiet it down.

“Are you hearing yourself? Yn, I…” he kneels before you, his hands resting comfortingly on your knees. This is Seungmin, your best friend of five years. You know he has your best interests at heart, you are even more sure of it when his voice softens, shakes slightly when he utters your name. “Yn, please. I’m trying to help you. Please.”

“I didn’t ask for your help,” you push away his hands, standing up. “I don’t want your help, and I don’t need it.”

You quickly leave Seungmin’s dorm, your heart heavier than when you entered it, foolishly hoping that he'd ignore your distressed state after yet another fight with your boyfriend. But Seungmin doesn't understand, no one around you does— you’ve gambled your heart, and you cannot stop drawing the cards, even in the face of losing strikes.

❁ ❁ ❁

Hyunjin offers you a cup of tea with a gentle smile and you grab the steaming drink from his hands. The smell of chamomile wraps around your senses, and your brain fizzles out for a second before the soothing aroma. But it is a fleeting respite, the tempest of your thoughts crashes back onto you with an unsettling force, causing you to almost drop the drink as your hands shake. You place it down the table without taking a sip.

“I’m sorry for coming unannounced,” you apologize, wincing at the intrusion, “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

“I always sleep late. Don’t worry about it,” he smiles, but you know it isn’t a genuine grin, because his eyes betray an unsubdued concern, refusing to morph into their usual moon crescents.

You’ve always thought that Hyunjin wears his emotions openly— when he laughed, he did so loudly, his boisterous giggles traveling around Seungmin’s dorm. When he hurt himself, everyone in the vicinity would know so from his loud yelps. And when something worried him, he would bite his lip, toying with the plush flesh to ease his nerves.

As he is doing now. Looking at you.

“We broke up,” you quickly say, and your words hang over you like a gloomy cloud. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Do you want me to fight him? I’ll bring changbin too,” he suggests a serious tone underlying his playful offer, and it manages to tear a reluctant giggle out of you.

“Changbin doesn’t know me well enough to fight for me,” you counteract and he shakes his head. “He’ll fight for me, I'm his princess.”

“Are you now?” The giggle escapes your mouth less forcefully, and the smile that graces Hyunjin’s face is a genuine one.

“I am. My proposal stands,” he extends his hand and you wrap your fingers around his palm. “Thank you, I’ll keep it in mind,” you smile but he frowns, flipping your hand around in his hold.

“You are freezing,” he whispers, using his other palm to rub warmth into yours.

“It’s fine,” you lie, slipping your hand out of his grasp, not feeling deserving of his kindness.

Wordlessly, Hyunjin stands, walking into what you assume is his bedroom. You only know of his place because you dropped off Seungmin here some time ago. You are too exhausted to even drink in the interior.

“Here,” he returns, handing you a navy hoodie of his and black joggers. “This will keep you warm at night.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, hesitating for a few seconds before speaking again. “Can you please not tell Seungmin, I... I can't face him right now.”

“Of course. I’ll be awake still if you do need something.”

Hyunjin’s clothing is warm, although peeling away your own garments felt like shedding layers of your skin, as if the fabric melted into your very flesh, just like memories from the day did. You have never felt this worthless before, discarded like a forgotten leaf on the roadside, one he stepped on for his own enjoyment, leaving you crushed in his wake, unable to fly away again.

Hyunjin’s rose perfume wraps around you, and you find relief in sleeping somewhere where your, his, scent was no longer around. You foolishly hope that if you close your eyes hard enough, you’ll manage to convince yourself that you’re someone else, tonight. Someone who isn’t tethered to the heartache, someone who can slip away from the clutches of a love that hurts more than hate could ever manage to do.

❁ ❁ ❁

Heartbreak isn’t beautiful, no matter how eloquently you try to dress it in the syllables of poetry, no words can soften the burn in your lungs, the searing ache that courses through your very core, reminding you that deep within, down to the fundamentals of your being and the most basic alchemy that ties your atoms together— you are unlovable. Whether you cut your hair or allow it to grow, change your heart, or leave it as it has always been, you will remain so.

You don’t remember much of the past week, blurry fragments here and there that float in your mind like a distorted water reflection. There is little room for memories when you are busy trying to remember how to breathe— one inhale in, one exhale out. The simple concept seems harder when there are unkind hands permanently lodged into your heart, squeezing it tight.

What you do remember is telling Seungmin through text the next day, because you couldn’t bear the way his eyes would soften if you spoke to him in person. No signs of surprise cast on his figure, because he knew that it was long coming, a train with one final inevitable destination— you in shambles, him okay.

You remember Seungmin cradling you in his arms when he came to see you, and you trying desperately to keep the tears at bay— too focused on pinching your arm to let Seungmin’s warmth radiate through your being, Hyunjin lingering uncomfortably by the entrance of his living room.

You remember begging Seungmin to grab your belongings from the apartment you shared with your ex because you were unable to face him, him, and everything that your old place spelled out for you. Stand in the ruins of what you once thought would be your permanent home.

And now, you watch as Seungmin and Hyunjin bring suitcases full of your stuff into the latter’s place. And you feel like an outsider in your own body, standing at the corner of the room gazing at utter destruction, unable to stop it, unable to mend it. Seungmin quickly reassures you that you could crash in his and Minho’s place until you find a new one to live in, already taking out his laptop to search for new apartments for you.

But you did not care for it, your eyes zeroed in on the satin shirt peeking out of your suitcase. The one he bought you on your first month anniversary. Back when love felt like a gentle feather running down your spine, and not a dull knife slicing away at your skin.

“This place's expensive too,” Seungmin sighs, rubbing his temple warily. Your logical best friend could not fix your heartbreak but he took it to heart to alleviate your other troubles. You would thank him for it, later, when your tongue finds enough will to move.

“What if you move in with me?” Hyunjin suddenly says and his words filtrate through the fog in your mind easily, as if he rehearsed them enough times so they’d roll out smoothly out of his mouth. “I mean, Felix is away for the next year since he went back to Australia. And I was looking for a new roommate anyway.” He shrugs and Seungmin turns to look at you, his eyes convey the question his mouth doesn’t articulate— is it okay with you?

“I don’t…” your voice is croaked, so you clear your throat. “I don’t want you to do things out of pity.”

“I’m not. If I was, I would've told you to move in with me for free. I still need you to pay rent,” he raises his eyebrows, a playful tease and you smile in relief, nodding, “Okay, I will. thank you.”

Heartbreak is ugly and all-encompassing, weaving through the roots of your heart and infecting each organ with its insidious touch. It renders you immobile, incapable of performing the simplest tasks, burdened by a weight unseen by the world. But you try your best, your very best to contain it.

You smile at the cashier as she hands back your money only to wonder if her soft, well-manicured hands would too crush a soul without remorse. You go to all your classes without fail but your mind is elsewhere, contemplating why the sun filtering through the windows no longer warms your skin. Can nerve endings perish when subjected to too much pain? What's left of life when you can no longer feel the caress of the sun?

You watch a movie at Seungmin's dorm but your mind is elsewhere, fleeting to this morning and how you refused to stay in the shower for more than three minutes because your thoughts might become haunting ghosts tempting you to follow them. You brush your hair and spray your perfume, only because you have to, because you live with Hyunjin and you wouldn’t want your sadness to taint him too. You wonder how long you’ll have to bear it. You wonder if it’ll ever leave you or if the veins in your heart have molded themselves after the pain and they wouldn’t know how to accept happiness anymore.

You greet Hyunjin as he walks past you, shaking your head when he asks you if you want to eat dinner with him, quickly retracting back into your room. You have ten unread messages and a pile of growing laundry you need to do, but all you can muster is to gaze at the empty walls, mirroring the void within you. Your mom told you to call her again and you don’t know how you’ll speak to her without bursting into a sob, how you’ll tell her that all it took was one person to break you. Or maybe it was two people, your hands and his tearing apart your flesh and bones. Maybe that’s the worst part about it. So you don’t call her.

And you only ever emerge from your room when you need to, just like now because your water bottle is finished and you need to refill it. You go to open the kitchen door when you hear Hyunjin’s muted shatter, Felix’s distinctive deep voice coming out of the phone speaker.

“Next you add the melted butter and stir it,” Felix instructs, the sounds of pots and utensils clinking in the background. You fidget slightly, mustering the strength to paint a fake smile on your lips.

“What next?”

“Sift the dry ingredients then add them to your wet mixture,” Felix explains, met with a few seconds of silence. You can almost visualize Hyunjin's perplexed expression, blinking rapidly in confusion.

“Explain it to me like I’m five years old,” he requests, prompting a small smile to etch itself onto your face.

“How are you surviving without me?”

“I’m not please come home,” Hyunjin sounds horrified as Felix’s rich chuckles fill the air. “Why do you suddenly want to make brownies anyway?” he then asks.

You go to open the door when Hyunjin’s response catches you off guard.

“They’re for Yn.”

Hyunjin's words resonate in the air, causing a hitch in your throat and Felix’s teasing whistles simultaneously, but Hyunjin is quick to stop him. “No, no, no, it’s not like that. They’re just a bit down and I remember them loving your brownies. So…”

It takes you a fleeting moment to dig the memory out of your mind, a year ago, right before your ex came to pick you up from Seungmin’s dorm. You had a bite of Felix’s brownies, a surprised gasp escaping your lips at its delicious taste, back when food had taste and happiness came easily to you. It was an insignificant memory, you did not imagine Hyunjin, out of everyone, would remember it.

But he did, and he’s now pacing before your closed door, contemplating how he’ll convince you to finally eat something with him. He throws a thumbs-up in the air for no one but himself, inhaling deeply before knocking on your door.

“Hey,” he greets with a hopeful smile, his gaze meeting your tired form. He hesitates for a second, clearing his throat. “Brownies?” You remain unmoving and he falters, “Hm? Please?”

“Sure,” you nod and a wave of relief floods through Hyunjin as you step out of your room. His joy is short-lived when he takes the brownies out of the oven, only to find them thoroughly burnt.

His mouth hangs agape, and he walks back shamefully to the oven, lowering its door only to scream inside of it.

“This will be more therapeutic,” you say, pointing nonchalantly to the fridge and he agrees, opening its doors and yelling once again in the much larger space.

Your melodic laughter fills the kitchen, Hyunjin’s embarrassment is suddenly a forgotten memory.

“I’m craving kimbap. Should we get it instead?” you propose, a touch shyly and he quickly agrees, afraid you’d change your mind and walk back to your room where he can no longer ensure you are okay.

Hyunjin absentmindedly dances along to the music blasting through the convenience store when a girl sidles up to his side, a saccharine grin on her lips as she looks up at him, “hi,” she greets and his tentative smile mirrors hers. “Hey.”

“Are you single?” she asks, her gaze briefly fleeting to the window. “I think you are really cute.”

“I’m…” he glances at you but you're suddenly engrossed in the ingredients of the tuna kimbap you are holding, pretending not to listen. “I am but I’m not interested, thank you.”

“Oh, come on,” she places a hand on his arm and he physically recoils. “Give me your insta and we could talk.”

“No,” he repeats, grabbing her hand to remove it when a loud voice startles him. “Baby, what’s taking you so— What are you doing?” Hyunjin watches in horror as the girl’s eyes grow wide, before she scrambles to the man’s side, feigning fear.

“He kept hitting on me when I said I had a boyfriend, baby.”

“What?” both you and Hyunjin gasped in comical unison. He would find it amusing if not for the escalating anger radiating from the man, who looks like he spends all his days in the gym. Hyunjin suddenly regrets not working out with Changbin.

The man strides towards Hyunjin. “Do you want to die?”

“No? there’s a misunderstanding,” he replies, swiftly standing before you and shielding you with his arm. “Your… baby,” he wiggles his finger in front of the man's face, “she was the one hitting on me!”

The man scoffs loudly, his face growing redder from the anger seething in him. “So you hit on my girlfriend and then accuse her of cheating?” His fist rises threateningly, prompting Hyunjin to step back, accidentally bumping into your chest.

“Wait, wait, wait! Let’s go talk outside, man to man,” Hyunjin pauses, his voice taking on a taunting edge, “unless you're too scared?” he smirks as he feels you pull at his shirt, whispering an incredulous- “What are you doing?” He shakes his head, grabbing your hand and leading you outside, throwing a sly wink at the man behind you now.

“Are you seriously going to fight him?” you ask, your gaze shifting towards the deranged couple who are about to step out of the grocery store. “No, of course not. I'm a lover, not a fighter.”

“You said you'd fight my ex,” you point out and his eyes soften surprisingly.

“You are an exception.” He looks back at the man, who's now walking towards you both. “But anyways, do you know how to run?” he asks and you frown, “who doesn’t know how to—” you pause as realization dawns on you. “No," you whisper furiously.

“Yes.”

“No,” you shake your head, horrified and he nods, eyes apologetic.

“Yes.” His fingers entwine with yours, he squeezes your hand once before he takes off running.

“Hwang fucking Hyunjin!” you shout and he looks back at you, a mischievous smile on his face. “I’m sorry Yn my face is too pretty to be beaten up.”

“He’s following us!” you yell, looking back horrified as the, even angrier, man runs after you.

“Well, run faster!”

“I’m wearing fucking slippers!” you curse and he giggles, tipping his head back, the wind slamming into you both, his hand never letting go of your own.

“Oh my god why is he still running!” you groan and Hyunjin picks up speed, moving you even closer to his sprinting figure

“I know, is it ever that serious?” he yells above his shoulder and you dig your nails into his palm.

“Shut up, this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so gorgeous.”

“So, you think I’m pretty too?” Hyunjin grins proudly and an incredulous laugh escapes your lips.

“Really? Is this what you’re getting out of this situation?”

“Silver linings, Yn, silver linings,” he shouts as you round a small alley, finally stopping to catch your breath. You both fall to the ground, heavy breaths escaping your chests.

“Holy shit, I’m not athletic at all,” he heaves, his eyes meeting yours. He expects to find anger lingering in your gaze but all he can grasp is your amused smile before you collapse into a fit of laughter, clapping loudly and clutching your stomach with your hand.

“Oh my god, I’m crying,” you laugh harder, wiping away at the tears falling from your eyes. Hyunjin’s weariness disappears in the blink of an eye— he did not realize how much he missed your smile until he glimpsed it again. And it is beautiful. Happiness looks beautiful on you.

“Idiot,” you hit his shoulder playfully, and his response is delayed for a few seconds, the warmth from your smile rendering him immobile.

“I’m sorry,” he chuckles, pulling you up. “Here, I’ll carry you home,” he squats slightly before you. “How impolite of me. How dare I make your majesty run.”

You shake your head, amused, before climbing atop his back, his warm palms holding your thighs securely. “Only because the slippers hurt my feet.”

You walk in silence for a while, your arms wound up around Hyunjin’s neck, the ghost of a smile still lingering on both your faces.

“They said it will snow tomorrow,” Hyunjin speaks suddenly and you stay silent for so long he starts to wonder if you even heard him.

“Mm? That’s nice,” your tone is melancholic, and he pauses at the peculiar sadness in it— as though you were trying to act nonchalant about something that has once meant the world to you.

“Don’t you like the snow?” he asks and your hold on his neck falters.

“I loved it. Loved ice skating and building snowmen.” Your voice is light and airy, like Hyunjin’s favorite mint chocolate ice cream. “But now it reminds me of bad times, bad memories.”

“I understand.”

Hyunjin knows what it feels like to relinquish parts of yourself you never wished to part from. For someone to grab your happiest places and to cast a gloomy filter atop them. Sometimes it is the loss of a season that hurts more than the departure of a person.

And Hyunjin loves winter.

He’ll do everything so that you’ll come to love it again too.

❁ ❁ ❁

Is it a nightmare if the person in it is one you once loved, looked forward to beholding with your gaze, hoping they’d never slip out of your reach? You don’t know, but you are growing tired of having the same dreams every night. Of waking up with an exhaustion that goes beyond your restless sleep but pleads from your soul to rest after almost a year of torment.

You sigh wearily, rubbing a hand through your face before walking to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water. You find Hyunjin there, eating a cupcake while standing shirtless, scrolling through his phone. You blink at the sight.

“Hey,” you clear your throat and he startles, dropping the cupcake on the ground. He goes to pick it up only to bang his head on the table, a loud yelp escaping his lips. You barely contain your giggles as you walk to his side, rubbing your palm soothingly on his head. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you.”

“At least pretend you are sorry,” he mumbles, pointing to your amused smile and you chuckle, taking his hand and helping him to his feet.

“What are you doing up now?” he asks as he grabs some napkins to clean up the pink frosting smeared across the floor.

You hesitate for a few seconds before whispering, “Just nightmares. And you?” you quickly add, not keen on pushing the subject any further.

“I'm working on a song,” he explains, as his gaze lingers on your sunken eyes, weighed down by dark circles from too many sleepless nights.

“And the cupcake?”

“Some people need caffeine to function. I need flour.”

“I literally see you drink three americanos per day.”

“Okay well maybe I need both,” he admits sheepishly and you grin, drumming your fingers along the countertop.

“Can I sit with you while you work?” you ask quickly, before the words linger enough in your mouth that you no longer wish to spit them out.

The smile that Hyunjin sends you is kind, pushing the shadows of your nightmares just slightly out of reach.

“Of course, yeah you can. Don’t even need to ask.”

Hyunjin walks first into his bedroom, quickly slipping on a hoodie while you take in the interior. It is a quite simple room— a large bed with gray covers, and a desk filled with what you assume to be his producing equipment sits adjacent. But what catches your attention is the dried rose hung delicately on the wall, and the array of paintings surrounding it. You edge closer to it, drawn to the well-crafted paintings— a sun-drenched beach, a couple lost in an embrace so intimate their forms can no longer be separated, and an elderly pair riding a motorcycle, their love radiating vibrantly as if enclosed in eternal youth.

“You paint?” you ask, turning around to find Hyunjin watching you. He steps closer, enveloping you once more in the fragrance of his rose perfume.

“In my free time.”

“You are amazing, Hyunjin,” you compliment sincerely, your gaze fixed on that imagery of the old couple, one that most likely grew together. It tugs at your heartstrings, stirs a painful longing within you, a memory of a time when you too believed you’d find such boundless love.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, before brushing his fingertips gently against your forearm, for a fleeting second. “Are you okay?” he asks, a tenderness you’ve been aching for latched into his question. Your eyes refuse to peel away from the paintings and the love spilling from each paint brush stroke, a love that refuses to rest on your being as if you were harboring an armor that repels it.

“No,” you reply sincerely, turning to face him. “It’s really hard,” you say with a smile, hoping that the mechanical display of happiness would keep your tears at bay, tricking your brain into believing you're not as sad as you feel.

It fails to do so, and the tears well in your eyes like a gathering storm. Frustration twists your features as you shut your eyes, tilting your head upward in a desperate attempt to contain the flood. It pauses as Hyunjin cradles the back of your head, drawing you close to the warmth of his neck. His palm glides soothingly along your spine, before patting your back ever so gently.

Your back stiffens, hands curling into tight fists, breath catching in your throat. You've grown accustomed to pushing away comfort, putting up tall barriers to shield yourself. But tonight, Hyunjin seems to break through your defenses.

Tonight, you soften, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, head nestling deeper against his tender skin.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he whispers and another sob wracks through you, but he only holds you tighter. “It’ll get better soon.”

“I loved him,” you hiccup, your voice breaks, “a lot.”

“I know, that’s why it hurts.” His voice is gentle, and yet his hold on you feels secure as if you could stumble and fall, and he would be there to catch you

“I want it to stop hurting.”

“It will, with time.”

Your next words are tinged with a childlike vulnerability, reminiscent of blow one, then two. But you do not care for it, in that instant, you crave the reassurance, you need someone to plant a seed of hope in your soul because your hands are too frail to dig for it.

“Do you promise me?”

His response doesn’t come hastily, carelessly thrown into the air like idle chatters. He takes his time, considering it with the gravity of an oath.

“I promise you.” He finally says, each syllable infused with sincerity. A brief pause hangs in the air before he adds. “And if it doesn’t then you can hit me.”

“On your pretty face?” you ask, a smile tugging at your lips despite yourself.

“On my pretty face,” he confirms with a chuckle.

“What an honor,” you roll your eyes playfully as you lean back and he grins, tenderly wiping away your tears with the back of his fingers.

“I can't believe it took three minutes for you to cry in my room. This isn’t good for my reputation.”

“Good thing this will never leave this bedroom, right?” you point a finger at him threateningly, and he pretends to zip his lips, tossing away the imaginary key. “You got it.”

“So what are you working on?” you ask as you settle on the edge of his bed, knees drawn up to your chest.

“It’s a pretty sad song, wanna hear?” he offers, sitting across from you on his chair.

“Yeah, I'd love to,” you smile, and Hyunjin deftly adjusts a few buttons, before his melancholic whistles weave through the air, coupled with the somber melody of a piano. Your breath catches in your throat, the music reaching into the very depths of your soul. It's as if the notes are calling out for a loved one, for a time that has long passed, for a past that will never come back no matter how much we long for it.

The instrumental continues, each piano note and each violin string echo like a bittersweet lament, springing tears to your eyes. But the melody remains beautiful, akin to the beauty always found in the sadness— in the tears that cascade down your cheeks like glistening crystals, in the tremble of your hands akin to branches swaying in the wind, in the rise and fall of your chest with each breath, mirroring the ebb and flow of the waves.

Hyunjin watches you intently as the music envelops you both, his gaze softening with each passing moment. You bring a hand to your chest, almost unconsciously, too engrossed in the melody to even blink. He feels a blush sprout on his cheeks as your teary eyes hold his with the last fading guitar strings.

“You keep on making me cry,” you whisper, your voice choked with emotion, and he grins, tilting his head shyly against his shoulder.

“You like it?” he asks, a tad eager and you nod, not bothering to wipe the lone tears that are falling down your cheeks.

“I think this is what my loneliness sounds like,” you confess softly.

“As do mine.”

A silent beat runs between you both, it isn’t uncomfortable, but safe. Because you understand him, just as he understands you.

“Sometimes I long for things that have passed," he admits, “although I know I can't get them anymore.”

“The most terrible thing you can long for is yourself.”

“Because no one’s to blame for that loss but you?” he muses and you nod, a sad smile tugging at your lips. “Yeah, exactly.”

You bite your lip, casting a glance back at the paintings adorning the wall. “I don't love him anymore,” you begin quietly. “I stopped a long time ago because there was no room for love anymore to grow amid weeds and thorns.”

He remains silent, sensing that this is a weight you need to unburden yourself from.

“But in the midst of it I think I stopped loving myself too,” you whisper, a confession too terrible to be uttered out loud. “That's what I long for. The things I used to love that I'm indifferent to now.”

“Like you’re a stranger before everything once familiar to you.”

“Yeah, you express it prettily,” you remark with a small smile.

“It's my job,” he grins lightly.

“I think when your heart is pure,” he begins after a while, pausing to carefully choose the words that will soothe your burn, help sleep come more easily to you. “You give love to others more readily than you do to yourself. And it takes time, patience, to redirect that love back to your own heart once again. But it's not a mistake to love, you shouldn’t hate yourself for it. Nor should you blame your past self for loving the wrong person because they did not know what you now do.”

“Think of it as a caterpillar in their cocoon,” he continues gently, “when they finally emerge from their chrysalis, they might long for who they were, where they once were because it is the only place they've ever known. But they do not realize that they've transformed into a beautiful butterfly, that they can now fly, and witness much more than their chrysalis. So maybe, your new self will love the same things as before, or maybe you’ll find new, better things to love that you would have not known before. But in either way, your heart is beautiful. That is what matters, no?”

A small pout draws on your lips, your eyebrows scrunched as you gaze at him.

“You have a very tender soul, Hyunjin.”

Your words linger in Hyunjin's mind long after the sunrise, as you lay peacefully asleep on his bed. The melody of the instrumental he produced continues to play faintly in the background, serving as a gentle lullaby that eases you into slumber, entwined in his sheets, your arms wrapped protectively around yourself, one hand cradling your shoulders and the other resting gently on your stomach. The image sears into his eyes as he sketches the outlines of a figure holding itself absentmindedly, long into the night.

Hyunjin has had his fair share of compliments, mostly pertaining to his face, and others to his craft. but it is you who seems to have sensed that a part of his soul resided in his art, that he left pieces of his heart hidden in the notes he composes and the lyrics he writes, hoping they’ll find soft hands that will take care of them, just like your own.

Five days later.

hyunjin [11:34 p.m.]: are you home?

yn [11:34 p.m.]: yeahh, do you need anything?

hyunjin [11:35 p.m.]: come downstairs, im waiting for youu

if you say no i’ll freeze to death..

hurry i can’t feel my fingers anymore (please please) ㅠㅠㅠ

“This better be a life and death situation Hwang Hyunjin,” you say threateningly as soon as you appear before Hyunjin, causing him to straighten up from the wall he was leaning against.

“It is a very dangerous life-altering situation that requires your immediate assistance, indeed,” he responds solemnly, ushering you gently to his car and opening the door for you.

“Which is?” you ask as soon as he settles inside the car and he simply grins at you, his left dimple coming forth like the very sun on a gloomy day.

“You’ll see.”

Hyunjin’s eyes fleet to your figure every now and then, but you do not seem to notice, your gaze lost into the blurring lights ahead. He can tell you're still not entirely yourself, so he was prepared to forcibly drag you along with him. He’s almost surprised you accepted to come down so easily.

“Is that… Seungmin?” you speak suddenly, pointing to a man waving in the distance, as Hyunjin parks his car near an empty field.

“And Changbin? And Minho?” you continue, squinting your eyes, “and a bonfire?” you giggle with a hint of excitement.

“You love s’mores during the winter, right?”

Hyunjin smiles, your soul softens.

“I do,” you say quietly, “I really do.”

You quickly exit the car, running into Seungmin's arms with a grin of disbelief plastered on your face. “This is insane,” you almost shout, squeezing him tight in a hug.

“It was so hard to find the perfect middle of nowhere for this,” Minho grumbles as you move to greet him, but the warmth of his embrace assures you he's only teasing.

“Thank you,” you say with a smile as you hug Changbin, who affectionately ruffles your hair. “It was Hyunjin’s idea,” he reveals, and you glance back at Hyunjin, who stands with his hands buried deep within his sweatpants behind you. You mouth a silent “thank you” to him, but he shakes his head modestly as if it is nothing to bring happiness to a bruised heart.

The night unfolds in endless laughter, with Minho and Hyunjin taking turns roasting marshmallows over the crackling bonfire, and Seungmin serving you hot coffee to keep your hands warm. Your stomach aches from the uncontrollable fits of giggles that overtook your being as Minho recounts the time he danced so vigorously on stage for his dance club that he ripped his pants, feeling a breeze where there shouldn't be one; and Changbin tells you the story of the time his voice cracked in the middle of a rap battle, and how none of the boys stopped teasing him about it for months to come.

And as the four of them take turns making you laugh, a quiet, tender realization dawns on you—you are loved. It is something he tried to convince you was impossible, that no one around truly cared for you but him. And even then, you weren’t deserving of his love whole, only scrapes of it, as if you were a beggar tugging at the outskirts of his heart.

But Hyunjin reminded you otherwise. And if your friends found something worthy of love within you then perhaps so will you again, one day.

“Did you have fun?” Hyunjin asks as he opens the door to his, your, apartment hours later. What he doesn't expect is for you to respond by wrapping your arms around his slender torso, squeezing tight in gratitude.

“Thank you,” you whisper and he nods, though you cannot see him, returning the embrace by wrapping his arms around your shoulder blades.

Hyunjin doesn't let go first, sensing that perhaps you need this hug more than he does. He smiles as your eyes meet his again, but his grin falters when he notices your gaze flickering towards your bedroom, a hint of unease clouding your expression. It's as if behind that door lie monsters only you can grasp, wearing the faces of people you once knew, once loved.

“Wanna stay with me while I work on the song?”

“Last time I ended up sleeping on your bed,” you say a bit shamefully, recalling the morning you woke up to find yourself covered with a thick blanket that wasn’t there before, alone in Hyunjin's room.

“It's okay,” he shrugs, “I missed sleeping on the couch.”

You stare pointedly at him and he chuckles, “Fine, I did not miss it. But you needed the sleep, so it’s okay with me.”

“Fine,” you concede, though you did not need much convincing for it. “But only if you promise you’ll wake me up if I end up falling asleep again.”

Hyunjin tilts his head, thinking to himself for a few seconds before shaking his head stubbornly, a small pout drawn on his face, his eyes semi-closed. “No.”

“Hyunjin!”

“Nu-uh,” he insists, shaking his head once more as he walks back towards his room. “I'm waiting for you!”

“I'm not coming!”

But you do eventually join him, after changing your clothes and washing your face. You find Hyunjin clad in beige and white checkered pajamas, his glasses pushing back his silky hair as he hunches over his journal, scribbling away before erasing what he wrote.

“Struggling with lyrics?” you ask, leaning against the wall and he startles. “Do you float on the ground? Why can I never hear you come in?”

“Or maybe you just love being dramatic,” you sing-song, laying atop his bed, much more at ease than the previous night.

Hyunjin sticks his tongue out childishly in response, and you playfully mimic the gesture before both of you dissolve into happy giggles.

“Kind of,” he explains once you both settle down, “I have this specific feeling in mind that I need to convey.”

“You'll do well,” you reassure softly, “your lyrics are always so beautiful. Remember Cover me?” you smile and he scratches the back of his ear, a shy grin spreading across his face.

“You still listen to it?” he asks and you nod eagerly, attempting to belt into Seungmin’s ending high note. You fail horribly and Hyunjin throws a crumpled piece of paper on your face to get you to stop singing.

“My poor ears,” he laughs loudly, and you retaliate by throwing back a pillow on his head.

“You just don’t get my artistic abilities.”

“I’d get them more if you stayed silent.”

You gasp, faking offense as you stand up to tickle Hyunjin on his chair, he starts squirming immediately, his loud giggles spilling all over the room, coating it in vibrant hues of happiness, and you’re suddenly captivated by the sight of him— his head thrown back, a golden lock framing his laughter-filled eyes, his top lowering slightly to reveal glimpses of his collarbones and the delicate veins that trace enticing paths on his neck.

You pause, your hand hovering over the side of his stomach, as a long-forgotten warmth spreads through your heart, like the first rays of dawn greeting the earth after a long winter night. It doesn’t diffuse quickly through your being, but rather drapes like sticky honey on your veins, making you well aware of your growing blush, of how beautiful Hyunjin is in his joy.

“Never singing to you again,” you clear your throat, laying atop his bed once again, and quickly reaching for your phone, anything to avoid his eyes which rival the crescent moon outside his window.

Hours pass before a warm hand gently settles on your shoulder, rousing you from your slumber. Blinking away the fog of sleep, you find Hyunjin leaning over you, his grin wide and infectious. “Wake up,” he whispers, but you only groan, burying your face deeper into his pillow.

He doesn’t yield, taking hold of your wrist and guiding your drowsy figure upright, before wrapping the blanket snugly around your shoulders. Without a word, he leads you out onto his balcony, carefully putting his neon green beanie on your head to shield you from the cold.

“It’s snowing!” he smiles, and his excited tone manages to dissipate the fog in your mind. You blink repeatedly and soon enough, you too behold the fallen snowflakes, each one resembling a tiny speck of light bidding farewell to the sky to greet the earth.

“You missed the first snow so I didn’t want you to miss this one too,” he explains, and his thoughtfulness blankets you with a warmth that seeps into every crevice in your body, drips down your fingertips and makes the cold of 4 a.m. seem less harsh, less biting to the touch.

You don’t know how to say thank you, because those two words don’t encapsulate the depths of gratitude that you feel for Hyunjin. Because he is speaking to the person within you who still loves snow, the part buried underneath layers of dust from a ground heartbreak. But you still manage to hear him, and you squeeze his hand tightly, and he doesn’t let go until you finally do.

❁ ❁ ❁

Remembering has become easier for you these past two months— both the good and the bad. And each day, the scale tips towards one side or the other. Sometimes you recall the suffocation you felt with him, the feeling that no matter what you did you could never please him, that your hands were crafted to break rather than mend. And on those days your wound grows, it throbs and bleeds different emotions.

Sometimes it's anger— at him for treating your heart so carelessly as if you were a being devoid of feeling. And then at you— for staying, for giving him excuses and desperately searching for goodness within him, for the one redeeming quality that would convince you he was worth the pain.

And other days bring an excruciating sadness along, a weight that presses down upon you until you're paralyzed. Because you feel bad for yourself and for everything you went through. Because you’re unsure how to rise when unseen hands push you deeper into the abyss.

And on these days, Seungmin becomes your anchor. He buys your favorite food, skips classes with you, and takes you to your favorite gardens. He talks and he talks and you try your best to laugh because you do not wish to worry him more. It is enough to be your own burden, you do not wish to burden him too.

But when he drops you home, your facade slips away, the smile fading from your face as if it were never truly yours to wear. You are too tired to pretend so you don’t, and Hyunjin doesn’t let you, either. He brews you tea and orders takeout because he knows you lack the energy for cooking. He goes with you on walks and drapes you in pieces of his clothing— scarves and beanies and gloves because he knows you couldn’t care less about a cold when there is a frost coating your bones. He lets you sit in his room while he works on his songs, and while he paints. Sometimes you talk and often you don't need to. But he’s there. He's there with you.

But you also remember the good. You remember your movie night with the boys, Hyunjin building an entire fort for you, adorned with twinkling lights and the softest blankets. How you watched movies until 5 a.m. your bodies so closely huddled together that there was no room left for sadness.

You recall Hyunjin begging you to build a snowman with him at the crack of dawn, the two of you collapsing in fits of laughter as you threw snowballs at one another, your footsteps marking the fresh fallen snow.

You remember being so exhausted after one of your showers that you simply laid atop the couch, gaze fixed on the void, too drained to even untangle the knots in your hair. Yet, it is not the tiredness that you exactly recall, nor the salty tears you shed underneath the scorching water jet. But it is Hyunjin's tender hands as he brushed through your hair, his fingers tracing the nape of your neck, his knuckles ghosting over the slate of your shoulder. You remember whispering that it was a particularly hard day and Hyunjin understanding. You remember him watching many YouTube tutorials to prepare your favorite seaweed soup, only for it to end up being too salty. But you still ate it all, because he made it for you, to lift your wounded spirits. And that alone was enough for it to taste good.

You remember your heart hardening then softening again, breaking then stitching itself back together, closing off then blooming like flowers on the first day of spring. You remember smiling only to cry then smile again. And you remember liking snow, a bit more than you thought you would. Because Hyunjin was there, holding your trembling hand, steadying it enough for you to rewrite your memories with winter.

So, you want to say thank you.

You do not wish to spell it out, because there are too many things to thank Hyunjin for and too few words to do so. Instead, you drag him to the farmer’s market near your home, and you tell him to help you pick flowers.

“I could be in bed watching my favorite show and yet here I am bestowing you with my enchanting presence,” he sighs, not too modestly, as you both eye the array of colorful blooms.

“Okay, Shakespeare, are you done?” you roll your eyes, attempting your best to hide your grin.

“Done annoying you? Never. These are very pretty,” he adds, pointing to the white roses in full bloom, their delicate petals emitting a sweet fragrance into the air.

“I agree, what else should we add?” you ponder, picking out four roses.

“Mm, Hibiscus? The red in the center is so vibrant,” he suggests, taking out his phone to capture the flower.

“Cute. Baby breath’s would look good too,” you say as you gather the flowers, heading to the cashier with Hyunjin trailing behind, still admiring the delicate blooms.

“Can I write a note?” you ask the middle-aged man as he wraps the bouquet in a powder blue paper.

“Sure,” he replies with a smile, and you return the gesture, quickly jotting down your words.

“Are you done?” Hyunjin grins when you return to his side and you nod, exiting the flower shop.

“What do you think?” you ask, angling the bouquet towards him.

“It's beautiful.”

“It’s yours,” you smile, growing shier at the intensity of his gaze as it lands on you, then the flowers, then on you again. “Take it,” you hand it to him, your cheeks flushing like the hibiscus’s crimson core.

“Actually?” he says softly, his fingers trembling slightly as he accepts the flowers and you nod in response. You bite your lip as you watch him take out the note, his eyes softening once he reads the words inscribed in it— thank you for making my winter less cold.

“Should we go?” you say a tad too cheerfully, turning away, but Hyunjin grabs your wrist, spinning you around once more. His fingers trail up your arm, coming to rest gently on your cheek as he leans down to plant a tender kiss there.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his lips lingering against your skin for a moment longer than necessary. You think that if his soft lips grace your skin a few times more, your nerve endings might forget the harshness they were subjected to. If his gentle hands remain on your cheeks, then maybe, your heart would heal quicker, better. Maybe your past self that you long for would emerge again, maybe Hyunjin would be able to unearth it.

Your hopeful thoughts disappear as quickly as they arrive, overshadowed by a sense of helplessness that crashes over you, all of the sudden. You sense him before you hear him, the familiar anxiety that is only synonymous with your ex’s presence.

“Yn?” the sound of your name feels harsher in his mouth, the syllables spat out rather than spoken tenderly, as they are when Hyunjin pronounces it. Your veins run cold as his voice pierces the air, your heart skipping three beats at once before plummeting to your knees. You wrap your hand around Hyunjin’s forearm instinctively, and he looks down at you, his expression morphing into one of concern.

You’re unsure of what he sees in you— whether it is your pale face, the quiver of your lower lip, or the fear that has coated all your features— but his eyes harden, his brows furrowing as he gazes at the man behind you.

You refuse to turn around, bracing yourself for his next words. “Yn,” he repeats his tone laced with anger, his fingertips grazing your arm as if intending to force you to face him. But before he can touch you, Hyunjin intervenes, swiftly stepping in between you and your ex, shielding you with his own body protectively.

“Leave,” Hyunjin's voice is cold, dripping with a venomous edge you've never heard from him before, his jaw clenching with barely contained fury.

“Is this your new shiny toy, Yn?” your ex taunts and his voice cuts through your being against your will, triggering a flood of memories you've tried so desperately to suppress. Memories of his cruelty, his manipulation, and the pain he inflicted upon you—using your love as a weapon to bolster his own ego.

“What's in it for you?” you find your voice again, though it trembles when you speak. He is the very embodiment of your pain and everything you loathe about yourself. You wish for the ground to swallow you whole, for a bolt of lightning to strike the earth, anything to spare you from facing him.

“It's only been three months, I didn't know you were a whore.”

Hyunjin's fist connects with his cheek before you can register his words. It all unfolds so rapidly that you barely have time to comprehend it. Your ex staggers back, blood trickling from the cut on his lip, while Hyunjin stands before you, his chest heaving with restrained anger, his right hand clenched into a fist, the bouquet still held tightly in the other.

“Fine, I deserved it,” your ex chuckles, his voice laced with mockery as he wipes the blood from his lip. His gaze meets yours briefly behind Hyunjin's back.

“You might not be a whore but you are unlovable, keep that in mind.” He spits out before walking away, crude words that tear at every scab covering your wounds, reopening them with a brutal force. Hyunjin moves to follow him, but you grab his shirt, pulling him back.

“He’s not worth it,” you murmur.

Your words seem to snap Hyunjin out of his haze as he turns to look at you, worry cast across his figure. He moves to cradle your cheeks but you step back, refusing to meet his eyes. He swallows thickly, clutching the bouquet in his hands. “Are you okay?”

You let out a heavy sigh, your shoulders slumping as you shake your head slightly. “Let's just go home,” you whisper, eyes fleeting to his for a split second. All the lights in your gaze are muted.

You’re crumbling before him once again and he cannot stop it, no matter how much he yearns to.

It's long past midnight when you find yourself seated on the floor of your living room, a bottle of red wine placed between you and Hyunjin. You exchange it wordlessly, taking turns sipping from it, the alcohol warming your insides but doing little to ease the ache in your heart. You don’t exactly recall when Hyunjin sat next to you, but you don’t mind. You were too lost in your own thoughts to even register his presence.

“Yn,” he calls out softly and you hum absentmindedly, memories of when your ex spoke your name haunting you, each time he yelled your name, uttered it in disdain as if it was the starting point of everything wrong with you.

“Talk to me, please?” he pleads, angling his body towards your own. But you refuse to meet his eyes and Hyunjin’s heart twists in his chest. He is afraid of all the ugly thoughts that must roam your mind. He wishes he could enter it, open the windows wide, and usher the light in.

“I'm sorry you were dragged into this,” you say, your gaze fixated on the bouquet placed atop the table. The crimson painted on the hibiscus’ petals reminds you of the blood that spilled from your ex’s mouth, and your gaze fleets to Hyunjin's hand, slightly bruised from the punch.

“Don’t apologize,” he whispers, “there is nothing to be sorry for.”

It’s as though you don’t hear him, your fingers trailing gently across his scraped knuckles, tears pooling in your eyes the more you stare at his hand.

“Does it hurt?” you ask, voice thick with emotion, and Hyunjin’s quick to shake his head. “No, don’t worry about it. He deserved it.”

“You didn’t deserve to be hurt.”

“Neither did you.”

Your disbelieving scoff that follows scares him. What if you’re slipping away into a dark place yet again, one void and barricaded, in which the only sound that echoes is your ex’s hurtful words? What if he can’t reach you again?

“If the only person I’ve ever loved says I’m unlovable then maybe I am.”

You’re drunk, you wouldn’t have said such an ugly thing otherwise, wouldn’t have allowed this sentiment to materialize into the air, to take a tangible form apart from your abstract thoughts.

“No,” Hyunjin says in a panic as though he’s trying to quickly pull the brakes on your free-railing thoughts. He cups your face between his palms, your tears falling freely atop his hands but he does not move away.

“No,” he repeats, more calmly this time. “How he treated you is a reflection of who he is. And how you see him is a reflection of who you are. And you wanted him to be loving because you’re full of love. You wanted him to be good because you are a good person. And he can’t stomach that, can’t stomach that you are happy without him so he’s trying to ruin you again.”

“Hyunjin…” you shake your head but he only inches closer to you, his thumbs gently caressing your cheekbones. “No, listen to me. Seungmin loves you so much he couldn’t eat properly for the first few days you stayed here, texted me all the time asking me how you were and if you were feeling better. He isn't good with words so instead he tries to make you laugh. He wishes he could give up parts of his happiness for you.”

A sob swells within you but Hyunjin presses on. “And Minho, he tried to memorize all your favorite recipes so he could cook them for you. It isn’t a coincidence that every time we go over to their dorm it is your favorite food that we eat. He takes more pictures of his cats these days so he could send them to you because he knows it cheers you up.”

“You told me Changbin doesn’t know you well enough to fight for you but when we saw your ex across the campus one day he wanted to get up and beat him. He always asks me if you are well and if there is something he can do for you, anything.”

He inhales deeply, tears welling up in his eyes as well. “And me…” a tender smile graces his lips as he gazes at you, “you make this house a home. I feel like my true self when you are around and loneliness doesn’t come to me as often as it did. Because you are here. You are like a beam of sunlight that lightens up every life you touch, mine first,” he’s baring his soul to you, vulnerable yet resolute. “So tell me, Yn, what’s not to love in you when you yourself are so full of love?”

“Hyune,” you speak the nickname for the first time, and Hyunjin’s heart thrashes achingly around his ribcage. “If you keep talking like this I might end up loving you,” you smile sadly at him as if it is a terrible thing to be loved by you.

“But I don’t want to love you, because I won’t know how to, not anymore. So I'll end up leaving. And I'll long for you, and I don't think I can stomach longing for you from afar.”

“So please,” you place one hand atop his own, wipe away the lone tear rolling down his cheek. “Don’t make me love you, hm? You deserve more than to be loved by someone like me.”

You leave Hyunjin in the living room, alone before the white flowers you gifted him. He doesn’t want to put them away in a vase, for as soon as he grabbed them from your hold, everything around you both crumbled. So he leaves them there for the night, the creamy white petals aglow underneath the moonlight. He spends the night painting the bouquet from memory, but the petals end up too tinged with red, perhaps mirroring the blood his heart refuses to stop spilling still.

He did not realize it before, maybe he blinded himself so he wouldn’t see what was before him all along. But it is all the clearer to him now— that in his attempts to make you love winter again, Hyunjin only ended up loving you.

A week later.

hyune [1:25 a.m.]: i miss you

You and Hyunjin spent the last seven days avoiding one another, well you more than him. He just understood your silent plea when you took a step back the one time he tried to talk to you in the kitchen, swallowing thickly before inching away, allowing you to move past him.

You did not know how to face him after what he said, partly because you were embarrassed by your own response, mostly because even in your drunken daze, his words etched themselves permanently into your memory.

It is his reassuring words that echoed in your brain for the past week, not those of your ex.

hyune [1: 26 a.m.]: and i miss sleeping on the couch

You giggle, shaking your head before replying.

yn [1:26 a.m.]: no you don’t

hyune [1:26 a.m.]: no i don’t ㅠㅠ

but i finished the song

wanna hear?

Walking to Hyunjin’s room feels as familiar as going into your own. And when your gaze finally meets his you can’t help but break into a relieved smile. It was foolish of you to punish yourself, enough people have done that for you already.

“Hey,” he greets tentatively, and you respond with an awkward wave, a moment pregnant with anticipation passes before both of you dissolve into laughter.

“What is this? Are we in middle school,” he teases and you giggle, settling comfortably on his bed once more.

“I know. We are so lame.”

“You are,” he corrects with a grin and you gasp, pretending to leave but he quickly catches your hand, stopping you. “No, please stay. I meant it when I said that I missed you,” he repeats quietly, as if afraid that his confession would make you run away once again.

Your heart aches, the knots in your stomach tightening and unraveling all at once. “I missed you too,” you admit softly, and he smiles, his thumb tracing a gentle path above your pulse before releasing your hand.

“So it's done then?” you ask and he nods, running a hand through his hair with a hint of anxiety. “How do you feel about it?”

“Good. I hope you’ll like it, mostly.”

“I'm sure I will,” you reassure him with a soft smile, and he nods once more, pressing a few buttons before his melodious whistles fill the air once again.

Nothing could have braced you for the sound of Hyunjin's voice that followed, its timbre soft as silk yet imbued with profound sorrow. It's as though he recorded the song on one of his loneliest nights, his honeyed vocals dipped in an excruciating nostalgia that seeps into every corner of the room, every corner of your heart.

In the faded photo, I come across a smile spread across a youthful face, overlapped with the seasons.

Your gaze flickers to Hyunjin as a shadow of recollection dawns on you. You remember telling him that you couldn’t stomach looking at pics of your past, ones in which you smiled so freely because you were blissfully unaware of what was to come.

The night’s so cold that it’s almost unreal.

Because you weren’t aware of the winter that will follow and the biting cold that it would bear, for everything that will go astray in your relationship, for your ex's facade to crack like a glacier succumbing to the pressure of lies and pretense.

I wake up in another silence, and I close my eyes.

You remember Hyunjin confessing that silence haunted him more than words ever could, and you had agreed, sharing how sometimes you shut your eyes, pretending that the reality you woke up to wasn't the one you were living.

The white flower we planted together has bloomed. I do not dare pick it. Now it withers away.

You gaze at the white flowers you brought him, now wilted in the vase placed on his desk, yet Hyunjin refuses to throw them still. You see the card you wrote for him hung on the wall, right next to the dried red rose. He kept it. Though it withered, he kept it all.

So I long for you. And I long for you. And I'll long for you.

You remember the longing you both spoke of, how he understood a feeling you felt so incredibly alone in. How he tried to reassure you when he too was caught in the webs of the past. How you longed for him in the past week. How you wished he longed for you just the same.

So I can keep loving you. So I could be loving you. And morе.

The violin swells and so does the emotion in your chest. You remember him asking you ‘What’s not to love in you’ and how you've spun those words in your thoughts ever since. You remember thinking that if he gave you a few more weeks, just a bit more time, you might have found it in you to believe them.

You see Hyunjin’s glimmering eyes holding yours, you see his heart atop a platter handed to you, and you see the resignation in his being. Don’t make me love you, you told him. You didn’t dare to tell him not to love you in return, deemed it too foolish of thought to entertain.

For he was Hwang Hyunjin, the quiet producer who paints in his free time and who wears his heart on his sleeve. Who remains hopeful, loving, and tender, despite the thorns pricking at his side. Who is beautiful, so much so that he allowed you to see beauty in the universe once again, through his eyes.

How could he love you?

How could you not love him?

“The song,” you whisper, the words barely escaping your lips as you stand, trembling, on your feet. Hyunjin rises too, meeting you in the center of his room.

“It is about you. For you,” he says simply as if his words don’t cause your world to burst at the seams only to mend itself once again, too eager to fix itself and exist in the same timeline as Hyunjin.

“I don't… I don’t know what to say,” you say earnestly, feeling your heart pound in your chest, its beats resounding loudly in your ears.

It is wrong of you to assume he wishes you to say something. He is Hyunjin, the one who finds words in your silences too, after all.

“I don’t need you to say anything,” he shakes his head, taking another step closer to you. “I don't want an answer, I don't wish to pressure you. I just wanted to tell you that my love is here, it is yours to take or to leave, to cherish or to discard. But it is yours, because this is who I am. I am someone who loves you.”

“So do not tell me to forget you because I don't know how to. And don’t tell me that you’ll leave because I will love you still, because you’d still be you, near or far, you are you. And you are someone I long for.” He pauses, his voice softening. “And I long for you, Yn, more than anything I've ever longed for. And I've spent all my life longing.”

His lips meet your forehead tenderly, and you feel your entire being grow limp at the chaste kiss, as if your limbs wish to liquefy and form a puddle on the floor. His touch is soft, and you miss it the moment he parts from you.

“There must be something in this room that keeps on making you cry,” he smiles and you bring your hands to your damp cheeks, surprised to find there tears you didn’t realize had fallen.

“It’s you,” you pinch his arm playfully and he squirms away from your hold, stabbing his toe on the desk in the process. A loud fuck echoes around the room, and your laughter dissipates the tension clinging into the air.

“Can you play it again?” you request softly and Hyunjin’s theatrics fade as a shy smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

“Is it good?”

“It's everything to me.”

“It's called ‘long for you’, by the way.”

“Long for you,” you repeat quietly. There has never been a prettier combination of words.

The title all but makes sense as you lay on the bed, your gaze fixed on the paintings hung on the wall, Hyunjin sketching quietly on his desk, the song resonating softly in the background. You've longed for many things in your life—the person you once were and the tender love you once craved—but amidst it all, nothing has weighed heavier on your heart than the longing for the man sitting just two meters away, almost in your loving grasp. Almost.

❁ ❁ ❁

It is an excruciating five days that Hyunjin spends apart from you, the both of you too caught up in your assignments to find a moment to properly speak. But you do not shy away from him when he greets you, and your grin is kind as it drapes across his being, and Hyunjin swears he has never seen a prettier sight than you smiling.

On the sixth night, Hyunjin completes the cover for the song— a figure wrapped around itself protectively, mirroring the way you hug yourself in your sleep. He hangs it on the wall, right next to your thank you card and the white bouquet he drew once again, wishing to properly immortalize its beautiful flowers, to purify that memory from the tumult that followed it.

On the sixth night, the house is quiet, the full moon high up in the sky, snowflakes falling softly to the ground. Hyunjin wonders if you too mimicked the snow’s descent— both of you falling apart with it.

But then, there’s a knock on his door.

His heart catches in his throat, his body freezing as if it forgot how to move. You are here.

“Come in,” he manages to say, his voice barely above a whisper. You push the door open, and Hyunjin's words wilt on his tongue as he sees what you're carrying—another bouquet, filled with white flowers, yet again.

“Hey,” you smile, standing by the door.

He remains silent, unsure of what to say, or how to speak. He longs for you when you are away, even more so when you’re before him.

“We shouldn't let these white flowers wither away too, right?” you smile slightly, placing the bouquet on the desk before walking to Hyunjin’s bedside. His voice falters, vocal cords refusing to move and overshadow your voice.

You sit beside him, gently pulling his hand so that you’d both lie on the pillows. Your hand doesn’t leave his own, instead, it moves to rest on his cheek, reminiscent of the many times he had cradled your face before. Inch by inch, you close the gap between you, nuzzle the tip of your nose against his own. “Hi, Hyune”, you say softly, and he swallows thickly, his voice coming out just as quietly.

“Hi, my Yn.”

“If we take care of the white flowers together do you think they’ll survive a bit longer?” you ask, your gaze never wavering from his, countless stars twinkling in the depths of your irises.

“I believe so,” he says tentatively, too aware of the warmth of your palm against his skin, of the sweet ache unfurling within his being.

“Mm, and even if they wilt we can always buy new ones. We can learn how to care for them better, with time,” you say, and he nods in agreement, laying his hand atop your own, tilting his head to bestow a chaste kiss on your palm.

“With time,” he echoes softly and you smile, vulnerable yet secure in his gray sheets, in his hold.

“Will you give me time too?” you ask, and Hyunjin reads in your eyes what you mean, understands in the shake of your voice the question you are too afraid to voice. Will he give you time to heal in order to love?

“As long as you need. I’m not going anywhere,” he reassures, pressing his forehead gently atop yours, and you both close your eyes, as a running warmth encloses you both, blooms a blush on both your cheeks.

His arms wrap around your back, drawing you close until your chests are pressed together, your head resting naturally in the curve of his neck. And it is long forgotten in your mind, all the nights you slept in this very bed alone. You feel safe, safe enough to long for love knowing that it patiently awaits you behind the door, once you find enough courage to turn the doorknob. You feel serene, as Hyunjin’s warm palms glide soothingly up and down your spine, as every muscle, every nerve, every atom in your being relaxes in his hold.

You are healing, slowly, with each fleeting second that passes in which Hyunjin’s heartbeat resounds within your chest, as its melody runs through your veins, melds with your own as if it was destined to be there all along. As you rest in Hyunjin, as you find a safe home within his soul to discard your worries at the doorstep and breathe.

“It did get better,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade. “Hm?” He leans back to look at you, and he’s so beautiful, so tender as he gazes at you, you can’t help but trace the contours of his face with your fingers, hoping to commemorate him with your eyes, with your touch.

“You promised me it’ll get better, and it did,” you smile, as your legs further intertwine with his, and his rose perfume becomes an indelible mark on your skin. “Too bad I can't hit your pretty face now,” you joke and he giggles, tipping his head back.

He's so beautiful, body and soul, and he longs for you, you alone.

“But I can still do this,” you murmur before finally pressing your lips against his like a boat finally reaching the shore after months of sailing. You both exhale, in yearning, in relief, as your mouths move together in a slow, languid dance, his hand finding the pulse on your neck, yours settling atop his jaw.

He would kiss you again, this intimately, in the coming months, when your heart expands enough to contain the love Hyunjin deserves. He would kiss you again, when your past comes to haunt you, and healing sounds like an elusive myth you’d never encounter in your life.

And he would kiss you again, over the kitchen table and under the fridge’s light, in between paintings and in supermarket aisles, while picking flowers and watching the first snow.

He would kiss you, this tenderly, in the next winter, and the ones after it, as if his longing for you never wanes. Till blow three disappears from your memory, till all you remember is the love, the true one, the kind one, the soft one Hyunjin alone could have brought you.

[kimberbohwrites]

Prompts for a story? How about - Rolan, hot for older Tav (elf or whatever really), thinks she (AFAB but totally fine with whatever you feel) hates him but she's working up the courage to ask him out and bang the fuck out of him. He thinks she hates him cause she clams up when he's around - she finds him that sexy/intelligent/edible...

Well your patience has been rewarded my friends, I ended up smooshing these two prompts together and what they caused was thousands of words of hot smut. Please enjoy Chapter One, Chapter Two is almost done and ready. Thanks for your prompts @crowwolf, also shoutouts to @lemonsrosesandlavender for always encouraging me to dom that wizard.

Ma’am

Rolan has been pining for an older Tav for some time now. They both think they other hates them and when they realize their error, smut ensues.

Rated: Explicit, MDNI, Smut

Word Count: 2272

Chapter 1/2

READ ON AO3 (also continued below the line)

Please note: In this I’m writing as Rolan in his 30s and Tav in her 40s with a 10 year age difference.

If there was a spell he could do to reset time, Rolan would reset back to the very first moment he’d met you at the Druid grove. He’d leave a note in his pocket for his past self to not be a total ass when the beautiful woman comes to save the day and to go easy on the drink. But he had no such spell available and the damage was already done. 

She can’t stand you and you deserve it, he tells himself. It’s hopeless, why would an accomplished older woman like you be interested in him? 

Not that you were old, you were only 10 years older than him or so which as a human put you around middle aged if his judgement was correct. As a tiefling he understood that beauty really was only skin deep better than most, for what many believed ugly was actually beautiful, but feared. Not that it mattered with you — age had only made you more lovely. You were confident and graceful in nearly everything you did, the awkwardness of youth long behind you. He found himself too often wondering if that sureness extended to everything you did. Inevitably,  his mind would then wander to musings of your strong hands on his body, pressing him up against the nearest wall and putting your mouth to his. 

Get it together Rolan, he chided himself again and shaking his head like it would clear the vision from his mind. 

After all he’d done to you — the terrible impression he’d made, you were so shy with him that it was silly of him to think of you this way, you weren’t even friends. Every romantic interaction he’d known had been the same, they were both too shy and eventually things just fizzled out. There was never the passion or the fire that he wanted to feel. He felt like you would be different, he’d pined for you for months and months with no end in sight. If anything, his desire for you only grew stronger with the passage of time. But alas, every time he was near you seemed to focus on everything but him, always avoiding him.

With a final shake of his head, he rubbed his eyes and refocused his tired brain back on reality. It was late and near time to close up the shop for the day. Cal and Lia had long since set off to meet their friends at the tavern. He was grateful they were already gone so he wasn’t caught staring off contemplating his feelings for you, again. Daydreaming, his siblings had called it as they mocked him. 

Insulting really, wizards don’t daydream, he huffed to himself. 

The sound of the door gave him a start. Maybe it was his truly terrible luck or maybe his contemplations of you had simply plucked you from the weave by magic, he’d never know. Either way you strolled through the door of Sorcerous Sundries just a few minutes before close with bleary eyes and a nervous look. Upon spotting him you looked around to see if there was anyone else available, he tried to ignore that and focus on the papers in front of him that were very important. 

He could hear you sigh deeply as you turned back toward the door to leave, moving quietly like you might still pass unnoticed. 

“Did you need something?” He asked, trying not to look interested or offended by the fact you were leaving without so much as a word to him. 

“No, sorry,” You sniffed, your eyes looked puffy like you’d been crying. 

“Really?” 

“Fine… I was hoping to talk to Cal and Lia, I could use a friend is all,” 

“They’re gone for the night, the tavern I believe” 

“I see, well, thank you Rolan” 

You turned again to leave and he felt an anxious energy well up in him, he wanted to check on you but he didn’t know how to and you were leaving. It was now or never. He’d like to believe that’s why he said it. 

“Are you okay, ma’am?” He winced as soon as he heard the last word out of his mouth. 

“Ma’am?” You reacted immediately, turning back around. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just nerv—“ 

“As if today wasn’t bad enough, having someone walk out halfway through a date because I have the audacity to be the same age as them and not some young little thing, now I have to have YOU of all people calling me ma’am! Great!” 

Fresh tears streamed down your face and Rolan found himself wishing the ground would open up beneath him and swallow him whole. 

“Gods! I’m sorry! This is why you hate me, I’m such an ass!” Rolan came out and around from behind the counter. He hesitatingly approached you, stopping several feet away. 

What happened next truly surprised him, you laughed, even with tears in your eyes. The way your laugh made him feel, he was sure in that moment that he’d do anything to make you laugh again.  

“I don’t hate you Rolan,” You sniffed and wiped the fresh tears away through a dazzling smile.

“What?! Of course you do, you and I never talk, because I was rude to you,” 

“Lots of people are rude to me Rolan, I don’t go around hating everyone for it” 

“Then why… why aren’t we friends?” 

You sigh and run a hand through your beautiful hair. Gods how he has to fight to not whimper at the thought of you running your hands through his hair, grabbing a handful as you guided his head to where you wanted him. 

“Because, Rolan…Gods… Why is this so hard, I faced down the chosen of Bhaal, okay” You take a few deep breaths like you’re bracing for something. 

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have pried,” He says trying to deescalate the situation, “I don’t want to upset you it’s just… I’m sorry about your date. I… I don’t know how any one could walk away from you…”

Your eyes snap up to his and he covers his mouth with his hand quickly like he can stop the words but it’s too late. 

“Rolan, you don’t mean that “ 

He dropped his hands to his sides stubbornly, drawing his gaze up to yours — he wasn’t exactly brave in this moment but he was unwilling to cower before you 

“I do,” 

“Rolan you don’t even like me,” You interject 

He is shocked at your words, him not like you? Wasn’t the opposite true, he sputters and starts before he manages to get out the words, 

“No — it’s YOU who doesn’t like ME!” 

His cheeks are flushed with anger and nerves, he can feel it. There is a little smile playing at the corner of your lips as he grows more exasperated by the moment. Are you actually enjoying how frustrated he is? He thinks as he reminds himself to stop looking at your lips in time to notice you’re staring at his mouth as well. It’s only been a split second since he spoke, but the moment feels like it’s drawn on for minutes. 

Suddenly time catches back up all at once as you close the distance and grab the back of his neck, pulling him down to kiss him hard. The rush that runs through him in the moment threatens to bring him to his knees and he actually has to fight his wobbling legs to stay standing. But as suddenly as it’s started it’s over and you pull away looking guilty. 

“I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have, I should have asked, I’m so sorry!”

There is a blush on your cheeks that he’s never seen before, like he might be affecting you the same way you affect him. The feeling it fills him with is something like desire and it runs through his body like electricity. 

“Don’t be s-“ He tries to tell you it’s okay but you are rushing to explain yourself and continue apologizing. 

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have done that, it’s just so hard to think when you’re around but that is no excuse. That’s why I have just been avoiding you and I don’t know what came over me, I’m terribly sorry” 

He approaches you slowly as you ramble on your apologies. Gently he places a hand on your arm and with the other he takes your chin in hand gently drawing your face to his.

“It’s okay, I liked it,” He says softly, “and… and I wish you wouldn’t avoid me.” 

Your eyes widen in shock at his words and your mouth opens ever so slightly. His eyes dip down quickly at the sight, wanting to feel your lips on his once more. 

“But why? You’re so handsome and smart Rolan — there are so many girls your own age out there. Unless… do you just like older women?” 

You sound almost scandalized at the thought but a small grin gives you away. 

“No it’s nothing like that,” He grows nervous once more in your presence. Dropping his hands from you and clutching at his own arms nervously as his tail coils tightly around his leg for comfort. Feeling so close to being seen in this moment he is filled with dread and a heady anticipation. 

You pause to think for a moment as you take him in, clearly sizing him up. Your instincts always keen, always sharp, much to his chagrin.  

“Is it because you like when other people are in charge… Rolan?” 

You ask the question innocently enough but it’s far too late. His tail coils so tightly around him that he prays to any god available that you won’t notice. On his cheeks he can feel the burning sensation of the deepest blush rising and his gaze shifts to the ground. He wills himself to answer you. 

“I… I’ve never tried it before,” 

Your mannerism changes almost immediately at his answer, the smile that has only been forming in the corners of your mouths grows to a grin and your eyes light up with mischief and excitement. Gone are the tears that you’d come in here crying, your gaze is singularly focused on him now. In his anxiety-addled mind he feels the need to defend himself lest you to think he’s some sort of pervert. 

“It’s not just that… I also think you’re smart and beautiful and—“ 

“Shhh, It’s okay Rolan.” 

You approach him and gently place a finger over his lips. 

“Do you want me to be in charge?” You ask firmly but softly and then remove your finger only a bit so he can answer you. 

It’s unnecessary because at the moment he can’t speak. He just gives a slight nod in response while nervously looking away. 

“Good boy” you murmur while turning his head back to you and leaving a soft kiss on his lips. 

The response is immediate; a desperate whine from the back of his throat. It’s a sound he’s sure he’s never made before and he would wonder what the cause was if he wasn’t immediately half hard at your praise. You notice immediately, your smile growing even larger like a fox that’s cornered its prey. 

“Alright, I’ll be gentle with you. Your safe word is ‘Wulbren’ if you say that I will stop immediately, no questions asked. Understand?” 

You instruct him in between pressing soft kisses to his jaw and throat. His heart is thundering in his chest as all the blood in his body rushes down to his cock. He nods eagerly. 

“No, no, I need you to say it,” you say as you give a little nip right where his neck and shoulder meet, having pushed his robes aside. 

“Yes! Please! I understand, just please!” He blurts out all at once and he would be humiliated if he wasn’t the most turned on he’d ever been in his life. His knees wobble again under your touch. He is clay ready to be molded in your hands. 

You kiss him hard on the lips in reward and he whimpers in to the kiss, feeling himself get walked backward in the process. 

Before too long his back finds a column near the counter at the Sundries and he remembers all at once where he is. His hand shoots out quickly to cast arcane lock on the front doors of the shop, making sure that not a single soul can interrupt a moment he had dreamt about for some time. 

You smile at the spell and then press him flush against the column. The air nearly crackles with anticipation he feels as you survey him like a prize. That unmistakable authority about you that has always attracted him is returned and he is eager to be the subject of it. 

He keeps trying to lean forward to kiss you but you keep him firm against the column. Now he’s desperate, nearly driven mad with need. 

“Please,” he whines.

You shush him again and he tries not to whine again in response. 

“I think you should be more respectful when addressing me… you can call me…” 

You trail off to think and then that glint of mischief returns in your eyes. 

“You can call me ‘Ma’am’” 

Rolan can’t help but blush in embarrassment at the reminder of his own mistake. He nods quickly. 

“Yes ma’am” 

“Good boy” 

Rolan groans again, now he’s so hard it’s become almost painful. 

“Now, let’s take this upstairs,” You say sweetly as you brush a lock of hair behind one of his ears. His head tilts into your touch almost instinctively. 

“Yes ma’am.” 

[mrs-snape5984]

“Dancing with tears in my eyes, weeping for the memory of a life gone by…”

“It's time and we're in each other's arms. It's time, but I don't think we really care…” (“Dancing with tears in my eyes” by Ultravox)

After reading my following lines, I decided to put a trigger warning on this post. I used this platform to vent out my frustration and despair. Those of you wonderful readers, who get triggered by mentions of hopelessness and subtle hints of suicidal thoughts, should better skip the next seven paragraphs. Thank you for your understanding!

Lying in the darkness of my room…forced by this cruel disease ME/CFS to live a restrained life in a body and mind, which makes me feel as if I’m an animal, trapped in captivity…I often show tendencies to dream myself away…drowning in my fantasies of Severus Snape.

With him by my side, I can do the things, which my diseased body and my disoriented mind are refusing to allow me experiencing them anymore. Things, which I’m desperately yearning for, since this sickness has clawed me into her tight grip about 1,5 years ago.

I want to leave my darkness so badly that it hurts. The longing for a self-destined life in freedom becomes unbearable for me to endure. My only piece of liberty left is my habit of sitting on the balcony outside of my bedroom at nighttime, enjoying the silence of the world and a fresh breeze on my face without getting overstimulated by noises, motions and lights.

In times, when even this tiniest bit of peace isn’t possible for me to enjoy anymore…when another crash is suppressing me even further…forcing me to stay in bed for days or weeks, my soul seems to absorb the darkness around me. I’m getting tired of this life…tired of myself…tired of being doomed to uselessness.

I mean, what’s left of my former self? My professional career as a pedagogue, working as a social worker for the government office for youth welfare seems to be a fading memory in my mind. Now I have to ask my mother for help with each bureaucratic application form, because my retarded brain refuses to understand these things anymore. For someone, who has always been proud of their intellect and education, this is a real low blow. Also, I’m a person, who’s really bad at asking for help. The thought of being dependent on others has always been one of my biggest nightmares…and now I can’t even do the smallest tasks on my own!

My three amazing children were used to have an active, funny mother, who guided them through this confusing world….who showed them the beauty of life in its fullest. And now, they’re witnessing their mother lying in her bed surrounded by darkness day in, day out! Sure, I’m still trying to be there for them in my minimalistic possibilities…but it isn’t the same as they’ve always known it to be. You can’t imagine, how guilty I’m feeling for being so useless…for not being the mother, my kids would deserve to have!

In order to escape these thoughts of hopelessness and to forbid myself to drown in despair, searching for ideas of exiting this world, I rather keep clinging on Severus…like I’ve done it over the past 21 years.

I’ve commissioned my friend @opalchalice to make my fantasy of Severus and my (self-inserted as fuck) OC Julia, dancing in the rain…letting their sorrows be washed off from the pouring raindrops…come to life through her beautiful art. I asked her to draw this moment of peace for Sevy and Jules…a moment of joy before the world around them would fall apart.

Lia, you did an incredible job with this artwork! There’s nothing, that I don’t love about it. Please, take my apologies for writing such a pathetically whiny post beneath your lovely drawing. I know, it should have deserved better. But rest assured, my friend, your art always gifts me some light and comfort for my troubled heart and soul and I enjoy every conversation with you! Thank you for everything!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[soobnny]

put your moots and their biases in a prompt generator and rate them!

hello ok i am doing this Now !!! sorry it took me a while i was so busy yesterday 😓 btw i couldn’t do everyone bc mobile posts have a limit of 10 (and also i have shame in admitting i do not know some of my mutual’s biases)

1. yun and jungwon — 100000000/10 (@amakumos)

this one is my favorite of all i generated bc it’s so cute and why is it actually so u and jungwon coded

2. lia and jungwon ( @angelwonie ) — 11/10

no bc this is one of my fav prompts ?? can u imagine being across the room from each other and the moment u see him he’s just 🤪🤪🤪 and then he just smiles goofy when he gets u to laugh

3. kana and jisung ( @telesvng ) — 10/10

one hundred million percent something han would say in reply like it is SOOOOO him and u are so like the what 😦 so this one makes a lot of sense to me

4. rin and hyunjin ( @hyunverse ) — 13/10

OUR HOPELESS ROMANTIC HYUNJIN 😫 this makes me so devastated bc it’s just tew cute

5. fae and jungwon ( @haerinz ) — 12/10

it’s so comfort au coded and i love it bc it’s also such a jungwon thing to do so let me be as i SOB

6. caelin and heeseung ( @boyfhee ) — 10/10

ok this is a silly goofy prompt 😭 flustered hee ?? why is that too cute like so true !!! be flustered when it comes to caelin

7. ella and jisung ( @nomniki ) — 13838/10

i love this SOOOO much it’s so meet cute coded and also SO jisung to fall asleep on ur shoulder and SO u to let him just do it and SO both of u to fall in love

8. coco and jay ( @enluv ) — 10/10

this is so 🥹🥹 imagine him overhearing what ur fav color is or asking abt it and then u just notice him start wearing it most of the time like i’m so sad now

9. ri and heeseung ( @flwrshee ) — 1948283/10

this is my second favorite of everything please spare me !!!! this is TEWWW best friends to lovers coded .. i know bc i’m the friend driving

10. yen and jay ( @yenqa ) — 1828/10

ofc i have to give this a high rating bc it’s literally your name jake but in jay’s body and u are yn !!!!!!! this is so adorable btw i’ve always found this trope adorable

[junowritings]

a match up ?? Could I have one, I’m curious haha. (Males only please💛)

I am a tallish (5’9) curvy lady. I have long brown hair, Hazel eyes and a spattering of freckles from the sun covering my whole body. I am quite feminine if I do say so myself. I think Kindness is my greatest attribute. I’ve been told I’m very motherly and I CLING to that. I crochet (horribly) and write in my spare time. I enjoy gardening and I have a ton of plants. I enjoy feeding crowds of people, cooking is one of my favorite things to do! I’m not a serious person, like at all. Nothing really phases me, sometimes that’s a super negative quality. A serial daydreamer, hopeless romantic.

thank you for taking my request 💛

Of course hun coming right up! I went back and forth for a bit but I think I've found a lovely match for you...

It’s no surprise that Cal is absolutely smitten with you - how could he not be!

You’re compassionate, caring and protective of others especially those that you keep closest to you. That caring quality means that people probably  flock to you to be their support; to provide a cool head and smooth over problems that you can take on the chin thanks to your inability to be easily phased. Cal knows what that’s like. He’s often had to be the level head when arguments have sparked up with his siblings; a mediator when Rolan and Lia’s tempers have flared up, butting heads over one thing or another. He wouldn’t replace that for the world of course, but it’s nice having someone around who can relate to the role he has to play sometimes - a kindred spirit who kinda knows a little about what it’s like.

It’s no wonder people have told you your motherly when you practically radiate that warm kindness that makes even the iciest hearts melt just a little when they’re around you. There’s no need to melt Cal though - this tiefling already feels his poor heart skip a beat from the first time he’d seen you; kisses from the sun speckled across your face and every inch of you he can see and the flash of a polite greeting. He’s down bad and gods it’s blatantly obvious to those who know him. Really, it’s a miracle that you don’t hear his siblings ribbing him about his crush before the two of you actually get together. He’s long used to their antics by now, feeling two pairs of eyes staring holes into the back of his skull whenever he so much as gives you that lovesick puppy look he gets at the sight of you. Cal just accepts the inevitable ribbing with a knowing sigh and the go ahead to get it over with before there’s a clawed hand messing up his hair and an elbow nudging his back signaling the relentless teasing that’s bound to follow.

If you crochet accessories like gloves or hats Cal can be easily swayed into being a model for the price of a few kisses. Though be warned because by the third kiss he’ll be trying to get your attention away from crocheting to just lounge about with him; you’ll have to be persistent on finishing your project unless you’re up for a cuddle-nap in the middle of the day. Please, PLEASE make him some warmers for his horns - he doesn’t even need to keep his horns warm but think about how cute they’d look on him and tell me it isn’t too good of an opportunity to pass up. He also has a bad habit of forgetting they’re there, so warn him before he walks out the door with them still on his head. Or don’t, and prepare yourself for the inevitable playful revenge once he realizes.

On gardening days he’s more than happy to bask in the sun and keep you company while you garden. Very much the ‘will enjoy your presence but also ask you completely out there questions about what you’re doing’ kind of tielfing; but he will ask what he can do to help if you want him involved!. Thankfully he’s got somewhat of a green thumb (better than his siblings at least) so if you let him help you care for the plants he doesn’t do that bad of a job. If you haven’t already he will name the ones you get him to help look after something funny; you’ll always get a proud snort out of him if you start calling them the names he gives them.

He’s a pretty good cook! Though he has a tendency to linger in the kitchen in case you need him to do anything. You suspect it’s more to get first dibs on taste testing your dishes, as Cal will always give you that telltale look if you so much as mention wondering if it tastes good, bribing you with kisses in a bid to get you to cave.

It’s a good thing you love feeding crowds of people because with how hopelessly smitten Cal is for you, it doesn’t take long at all before his siblings begin coming around for weekly get-togethers. He’ll proudly boast about how amazing your cooking is, praising it enough you’ll have to remind him to actually eat the food before it goes cold. Always helps with the cleanup, insisting that since you cooked the least he can do is sort out the mess while you relax and spend some time with your guests. His siblings certainly won’t be the only guests either! They’ve kept in touch with the other survivors from the Grove, trying to meet up every couple of months or so after settling into the Gate to check in on how everyone is doing. So with things calming down you’ll certainly find yourself adopted into the group for these little get-togethers.

Expect a couple to give you the ‘treat him well’ talks. Lia playfully ribs you over it the first time they’re invited over to dinner and Cal almost dives over the table trying to get her to ease up. It’s all in good fun though - they all know that you’d treat him well and make him happy, as if the way Cal’s tail remains curled around your hip the entire time and the fact his hand never quite leaves yours isn’t a dead giveaway.

[seelestia]

that's what i get for always spending time with him i guess lmao and yes ofc you're v v welcome to invade my inbox anytime you so wish <3

the two hu taos running around is sure to turn anyone's hair grey lol i can't for the life of me imagine the shenanigans you're both up to when put together /j

ah the social status gap ;;;; THAT'S 3 TROPES IN ONE HLDJSFLKSJDL OH MY LORD i can already taste the bitter angst at the tip of my tongue....

I THINK SO lol black + blue palette on ayato... and with all the signature fatui accessories... gosh. i really can't. any artists seeing this, if you ever want to draw it please tag me 🙏🏻 yeah no the moment he starts liking your presence you're locked in for life sis i am so sorry- /j

that's so fast sldkjfsldf i'm still on part 2 atm and i probably won't continue anytime soon cause of vacation plans sobsob

the rng gods blessed you with that one lollll nahh i am hopeless at building characters i tell you. i have no idea what i'm doing 80% of the time 🤣 i'm just here for the lore and music/voice and zhongli ✨

literally us:

"a child holding a bomb is two terrible signs manifested into one." i am dead, deceased, wheezing, tearing up with laughter-

oh al haitham is coming home whether he wants it or not 😈 i think i might skip 3.1 banners entirely in favor of saving up... the remelting tablet has got me hooked on ayato's playstyle so i'm eyeing for when he reruns too. probably not gonna be soon but still... also i want scara when he comes out solely bc his jp va lmao (and on that note, maybe childe hmmm)

definitely, more chars >>>>>>> constellations!!! yeah that's actually a good thinking hahah being on guaranteed is fun but also stressful sometimes.... my brother is at 60 pity rn and he actually wanted dori but he doesn't dare to pull bc he doesn't like ganyu or kokomi's playstyle lol rip

oooo strawberry and passionfruit tea, those sounds gooooood <3

i imagine zhongli very much approves of our tea addiction lol

atp, you should put copying zhongli's speech to a tee as your hidden talent 😭 i guess, this is what happens when you write for him sm, huh?? + all that listening to his voicelines, uh-huhhh 👀 i cannot blame you for that will also be me when i get ayato 🚶 (the day i start using, "ah, yes. naturally." like him is the day you'd know i've gone off of the deep end /j)

i may make your hair grey, but you will love me either way, right??? *innocently bats eyelashes* (/lh) hu tao and lia in one room would fr be the most effective aging process because i'd honestly laugh at her jokes and then add on to them 😭 also, i vividly recall that one time when zhongli did his osmanthus wine idle and i just absentmindedly responded, "i think your friends are six feet under tho". THE SILENCE AFTERWARDS WAS SO LOUD. idk how i can be both chaotic and chill at the same time (is this where my venti side comes out /j)

a love triangle with ayato and thoma is such a concept 🙏 but with a more realistic twist to it and with that, comes the harsh realization that reality brings. after all, a fairytale-like love is pleasant to indulge in; an escape, an almost surreal-like lantern of hope but you can't keep your head buried in books forever, can you? reality where capitalism reigns (/j) will always call, whether you wish to turn a blind eye to it or not. MMM, REALITY, THE ENEMY OF DAYDREAMERS *hiss* 🤺 (/lh)

fatui!ayato, what an enigma (don't lock me up, please. at least, let rin jie visit me because she'll help bail me out /j) 👀 yeahhh, you can't escape him if he's locked onto you <//3 which makes me think about how he'd be as your ex... i feel like ayato would be that smiling yet salty on the inside + passive aggressive ex. LOLLL he would 100% sneakily trip your new partner in public and extend an oh-so gracious and concerned helping hand to them (wowww, talk about sneaky).

rin jie, the only thing keeping me going with the quests is the aranara's <//3 i just divided the quests neatly, so i followed the process of completing at least one or two quests per day — THIS WAS EXACTLY HOW I DID MY STUDYING AND I GOT WAR FLASHBACKS FROM MY LAST EXAMS 😭 i love it when i apply my studying technique to long genshin quests, hehehe 🥸🏃 (/s)

who cares about meta because even at ar 50+, we're just cruising thru 🏂 does your brother beg to differ with his op builds??? we shall abandon him. (/j) i still remember when you told me he started building diluc after the new skin was released LOLLL and speaking of !! have you read up on enkanomiya's lore yet??? because remember my boy, caelin?? i think i might post his profile soon 👀 but absolutely dw if you haven't, the lore related to enkanomiya is only in the trivia section at the very end~

YEAHHHH, the way we are saving for both al-haitham and ayato 🤝 no because i was so happy when i saw ayato in the fayz trials + remelting tablet event 😭 the way he does his normal attacks, hello??? it was enjoyable being an ayato main even for a few minutes, i'm getting a taste of my future <//3 but let's wish scara and al-haitham won't be on the same banner because that shall be your true test + you're softening up to childe, it aeems??? 👀

[missinghan]

broken umbrella ⤖ han jisung

❖ genre : high school au; fluff

❖ word count : 1,6k.

❖ warning : explicit language

❖ summary : a typical day in your life starts with having candies poured over your head and ends with breaking han jisung’s umbrella. 

❖ note : I wanted to write smth dumb okay-

one.

Jisung gives his desk a harsh kick, one that does no good in releasing his inner storm, only to wince in pain later because he’s an idiot. 

Classes have been somewhat less than boring these days, partially because his mind is occupied with thoughts of you half of the time and partially because…well, more thoughts of you. Oh wait, today is a little different than usual considering the fact that you did not give him a proper response. 

To what?

Putting it simply, he woke up early this morning to go over his routine more thoroughly—styling his hair, making sure that his tie isn’t sloppy-looking, and spraying himself with his brother’s cologne. He doesn’t usually care for any one of those things until junior starts and you show up. Call him desperate, or delusional, or childish even but it truly felt like fate when you two first encountered each other. 

“Yeah right, fate,” Hyunjin snickers loudly, swirling a strawberry-flavored lollipop inside his mouth. “You meant when you fell on your ass on the bus the other day and you accidentally grabbed her collar?”

Jisung feels his cheeks heat up thanks to his friend’s less than necessary comment. “Shut the fuck up, you’re just jealous.” It was great. Not only did he fall head over heels for you, but he also left a bad impression. 

Back to the point. All of his hard work this morning is reduced to nothing because of the rain. His hair is messed up, his uniform looks sloppy, and his shoes are covered in mud from skipping through puddles. Not to mention, he showed up timely enough to be there when you opened your locker, having various candies and sweets poured down your head, scattered all over the hallway. 

Yeji should have told him you didn’t like sweet things yesterday, damn it. Because he’s never seen you giving him that look before. The look that makes him believe you will make him experience torment and pain, begging for the mercy that never comes—make his life a living hell basically. 

“How did your plan go, by the way?” His friend asks out of boredom. 

“Fantastic,” he replies under his breath when everything is, in fact, not fantastic. 

Hyunjin tilts his head. “Did she know?”

“Know what? That I’m in love with her? I mean I wasn’t trying to be subtle or anything-“

“No, did she know that it was gonna rain today?”

Shrugging, he closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose in exhaustion; forty-five minutes periods should be illegal. “Why does that matter?”

“Hey, Han!” 

Jisung turns his head to the voice and sees Felix sliding the door to his classroom open, uneven breaths as if he’s been running for his life while holding two umbrellas in his arms. He glances at his friend’s state with a grimace, head cocked to the side in confusion. Luckily, no one really spends recess in class except for loners like himself anyway. “What are you doing?” 

“Y/N didn’t bring an umbrella!” The freckled boy exclaims with excitement, only able to coax an amused hum from Hyunjin. “But you have an umbrella, and it’s still raining! Which means…?”

A comical silence falls upon the three of them. It takes Jisung approximately five taps of Hyunjin’s finger on the table to fully process his friend’s point. Realization lights up in his eyes like a candle but dies down with a pout on his face. “But she can just go with her friends?” he says with expressive hands, though a little disappointed. 

“I’m not gonna half-ass it if I plan on helping you,” Felix gives the two umbrellas, a white one and a pink one, in his hands a slight jerk, looking oddly proud. 

This time, Jisung catches on immediately; his eyes go wide in shock as though his friend has committed the greatest sin. “Yeji and Lia are so gonna kill you.”

two.

“Did you bring an umbrella?” Lia asks while hopeless rummaging through her stuff. “I swear with my own eyes I saw myself putting one in my bag this morning.”

Yeji shakes her head in defeat, tugging at the straps of her backpack. “I was pretty sure I brought one too. I even used it to walk to the bus stop this morning! Someone must have taken it during recess,” she sighs, dreading the pouring rain and grey clouds. 

It’s raining again. It’s only been raining today, the weather forecast did predict that it’s most likely going to last for a whole week too (not that you bothered checking). You don’t mind the rain, though. You like the fact that they make the world appear mistier, hazier like a fever dream. 

What isn’t good about the rain is the fact that your parents won’t be too happy to see you come home looking like a wet rat. Or the fact that you’ll probably get a really bad cold, and that won’t be pretty during midterms week. Or the fact that most students are absolute idiots and didn’t bring their own umbrellas either. Everyone is shoving each other for space under the canopy at the main gate so the rain won’t soak their clothes. 

You’re not having it. At all. 

“Yeji, Lia. I’m going home,” you purse your lips together and take a breath. 

Lia frowns at your particular solution. “Already? But you’re gonna get wet.”

“My house is a ten-minute walk away. Shouldn’t be too bad,” you say lowly in faint annoyance, eyes squinted from the discomfort of lack of space; these students have no manners whatsoever, you’re getting claustrophobic. 

With a determined huff, you pull the zipper of your jacket up and throw the hood over your hair. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Shadow suddenly looms over the top of your head, warmth radiates to your clothed arm. In the corner of your eyes, a familiar face comes into view and forces a heavy exhale from your lips. 

“Hey, do you wanna go with-“ Jisung pauses midway when you take off running, shattering his fantasy of living in a drama into bits without mercy. “Y/N! Wait up!”

three.

“Come here! Or you’ll get sick!”

“Why the hell do you care?”

“Y/N, stop being so stubborn! You’re gonna catch a cold!”

“It’s none of your business.”

After walking down several blocks down the road, past nothing but empty plazas and mostly closed café, you even take an extra U-turn, going through a skeptical alley just so Jisung will get tired and stop following you. Your effort doesn’t not prevail so you give up eventually, deciding to take the proper turn to head home before it’s too late to prepare dinner. 

The poor boy can feel the rain drizzle down his black umbrella before falling onto his windbreaker, soaking through the fabric to stain his senses with a chilling sensation. He has already calmed every racing thought that ceases to ease his erratic heartbeat but no matter how hard he tries, there isn’t one second where he isn’t thinking about your well-being.

“Hey,” he calls out; when you turn around, he’s closing his umbrella and tossing it to the ground, leaving it to graze the tip of your shoes. “Take it and go home. I won’t bother you anymore.”

You roll your eyes before picking it up, mercilessly letting it flop right in front of him. “I don’t need it.”

Jisung clicks his tongue in irritation, not caring that droplets are falling from his head and his skin is crawling from the cold. Somehow, he’s starting to become baffled for no reason. Perhaps it’s because of your nonchalance about the current situation; you shouldn’t be so apathetic when he’s genuinely worried sick for your health.

His eyes are heavy with rain droplets so he blinks them away before glaring at you slightly. “You need it more than I do. Would you please stop acting irrationally, take the umbrella and head home? The rain isn’t stopping anytime soon.” His leg jerks up to kick at the innocent object; still isn’t enough to relish the turmoil hurling his innards.

He brushes past you, shoving your shoulder a little while expecting you to finally accept his offer. To his dismay, you once again grab at the poor, poor umbrella, and throw it at his leg with more force this time. When it drops to the ground with a small thud, his heart pauses awkwardly in disappointment. 

The sun is going down by the second but you can still see the faint outline of his scowl. “Go home, Jisung. It’s getting late,” you remark coldly, stuffing your freezing hands into your pocket. 

With a loud groan, he marches back to where you two were originally standing, a curse word lingers on the tip of his tongue. But he manages to swallow it back down before gently tugging at the sleeve of your jacket. “Take the umbrella at least,” he voices softly, the crack more evident than anything at the end. “Look, I know I’ve been nothing but a nuisance since we first met. I just really like you and I care for you okay? Go home, Y/N.”

“Please.”

You look at him after moments, your once hateful eyes finally glinting with something else other than general distaste and annoyance. It only takes one glance of his tired eyes to pierce through your phlegmatic front, leaving your raw emotions out in the open. Before Jisung can say another word or take notice of the rare warmth creeping in your gaze, you take his hand in yours and pull him toward a nearby apartment complex to not wait out in the downpour any longer. By the time that you’ve released the grip, he’s still staring into the nothingness, eyes slightly wide in shock.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you gonna go home?” he blurts out finally after snapping out of it.

“This is my apartment complex. But I must have dropped my card somewhere. So I can’t go inside.”

A sigh. “Is anyone home right now?”

“My phone is dead.”

Jisung perks up and his hand fishes inside his pocket. “You can use-”

You inhale deeply, looking away. “Enough is enough, Jisung. Go home.”

“You broke my umbrella,” he mentions, blinking rapidly to bat the droplets away from his eyelashes. “I can’t go home like this.”

Few beats of silence later, a middle-aged woman dressed in a beige trench coat walks past the both of you, two high school students pathetically standing under the canopy like wet rats; she swipes her card against the security lock and the glass door pops open without much effort. Sparing you the last look, she’s probably thinking ‘kids these days’ before heading inside with a roll of her eyes. 

Jisung hurriedly skips over to hold the door open for you, motions for you to walk in with his head. To his surprise, you comply but bring your steps to a halt to situate yourself in front of him. His lashes are wet and heavy; that’s when you realize how soaked you both are and how terribly cold the temperature it’s getting. Your hand reaches out to brush the raindrops away softly, shaking his heart to the core. 

The silence is graceful in the wake of the moment, the rain in the background just makes everything that much more cinematic. However, Jisung isn’t in the right mind state to fanboy over the fact that his drama fantasy is one step closer to reality. He wishes to cling to this moment forever because he just can’t get enough. He can never.

“I’ll get you a towel,” you pull away calmly, thinking how cute he sort of looks when his cheeks are three shades redder. “And a new umbrella.” 

His smile has never been brighter, you notice. Even when he’s out in the brutal cold and completely drenched from head to toe. And wait...have his eyes always been so pretty?

[celestiteflowers]

[Taikyoku Denki] Analysis of KaiShun hints (Eng)

Vi ver:

https://celestiteflowers.tumblr.com/post/641750919444398080/taikyoku-denki-ph%C3%A2n-t%C3%ADch-hint-kaishun-vi

Shun was surprised at the fighting experience of the brown-haired human warrior had and asked for his name.

[My name is Kai, nice to meet you Shun]

When the name "Kai" was announced, Shun did something unexpected, he muttered that name many times with different tones.

[Nice name, nice to meet you too]

This is something that has never happened before, according to Arata's explanation, Shun is the type that neither likes nor hates anything. The White Demon Lord is always cool with everything but shows interest in Kai only in the first hook.

(Praising someone's name is normal but is there anyone who repeats people's names with such rich expressions at the first meeting ?! Above all, please look at Shun’s face, isn't that the expression you look at the person you like?! Although the angle of the camera is narrow so we can not see very clearly, but I am sure that Shun had a fierce internal struggle to take his eyes off Kai. He loves him but he still have to hold back to remain his reputation. Thus, if Shun thirsty so obvious, he will scare Kai to run away!)

No matter how active Kai normally has, because he was suddenly praised by Shun so confused, not knowing how to answer.

But very soon Kai proved that he was completely worthy of Shun's interested, the man who was not afraid but do the "boom boom" movement with the king of the gokuzaku and Shun also happily joined him. (I don’t know I should call Kai is a idiot or a bravely person anymore)

Shun was indeed attracted to Hajime's "yang" energy and he also become his fan. But our White Demon Lord instead of choosing that "strongest person", Shun asks Kai, he wants to be with the latter for the rest of his life.

[S: Kai ~

K: What's wrong?

S: When it's all over, do you want to sign a contract with me? It will be fun!

K: I know it will be interesting but my instincts are warning me over and over that, the future will be very difficult.

S: So you refused?

K: Not at all, in fact, that’s the agreement. I am very willing to join in, experiencing the mischievous things with you will be very interesting.

S: AWESOME!]

A man with the most terrifying power on earth, a man standing above all like the White Demon King, asked if an ordinary human would like to make a contract with him. Shun was very restless when he saw Kai's hesitation because he was afraid of being rejected. Shun smiled extremely happy when he received the consent of the other. Why does Shun need to do that? As the leader of the higher demons, he must has fully confidence to not be afraid of Kai’s rejection and he even can order Kai to follow his arrangement. But instead, Shun asked and waited nervously for an answer from the latter. He had a lot of respect for Kai and completely didn't want to force him. (Everyone please sympathizes for an old-maid for more than 3000 years, this is the first time he confessed, so he was like a fish out of water).

And as for Kai, he was hesitant at that time and even If his instincts did not alarmed, he knew that everything would be very difficult with such a companion, the White Demon Lord. However, at the moment Kai saw the panic on Shun's face, he ignored his reason and followed the call of his heart. (There is no way Kai can see the sadness on Shun’s face and I can say that, Shun was accidentally forced Kai with that disappointed expression)

During the fight, Shun was injured and although Kai was also wounded, he still wrapped his body behind Shun to protect him and Kai even put his hand on the other’s back when he saw Shun was struggling pain.

When the right moment had come, Shun ran to Doutaku and put all of his strength into the final attack. The brunette was very panicked when he saw Shun slip out of his protection and dashed to the enemy. It all happened in a flash, though Shun successfully delivered a fatal blow to the enemy, but as a result, he lost all his strength and was being blown away. Although Kai was still shocked, at that moment he instinctively ran out to held Shun, he used his body to cushion him when he landed.

Kai then hugged Shun in his arm and pulled him away from the fighting area, he used one hand to hold the other in his lap and the other hand held a weapon to defend in the front. It was also possibility that Kai didn't want to see Shun slip out of his hand and run his head in danger again, so he acted like that.

Kai thoroughly maintained that movement until Doutaku was defeated, he remained in that position and hugged Shun's waist to help him get up. However, when Shun stood up, Kai can just let Shun put his shoulder to lean on and even can just reached out to pull Shun up. But no, the two kept hugging each other until the scene changed.

The end of the stage is the scene where our characters are "married", everyone is happy. The special thing here is that Shun is completely awake, who has been sleeping for a very long time (so much that he was adored by his fellow as their ancestor). Right now, Shun doesn't show any signs of being sleepy which means he's playing with Kai happily. Thus, Shun's partner is still completely healthy and lively. Only Kai can handle White Demon Lord and still alive, If others is put his position, they must be vanished a long time ago.

As I said above, Kai agreed to make a contract with Shun and accepted the condition of having to play every day with him. This brunette confuses us once again, why Shun is the one who gave the condition rather than Kai? He is the one who had a disadvantage from this "business" because, no matter how strong Shun is, he still needs someone to agree to make a contract which will help him escape the weakness that can even cause him to lose his life when he gets in direct sunlight. However, because of Shun, Kai accepted it to be it (yes, he is hopeless)

(The Gokuzaku always considered humans as weak flies and now their king is madly in love with a human. It sure is a pain in their ass lol)

|The end|

Note: and here is another post about them from my KaiShun ally @kamiaka which I recommend you to read (thank you for sharing with me such a splendid informations Lia!): https://kamiaka.tumblr.com/post/640939719901003776/in-response-to-celestiteflowers-last-post-i

[taeminie]

[ even numbers for the music ask, please 😬 ]

hiiii love i hope you’re doing well and taking care. so for the questions, i’ll skip the ones i already answered. here we go 🥰🥰🥰

2. a song you like with a number in the title:

2 kids - taemin the loml. i just LOVE the way that song is structured i love taemin’s smooth vocals in it and the chorus is so nice specially the switch from english to korean i really like that but overall the song is so beautiful.

4. a song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about.

canta corazón- alejandro fernandez (ex college hook up comphet pre-sexuality discovery phase, turned asshole. lol no further details)

6. a song that makes you want to dance:

Gashina - sunmi only because i know the choreo fully after practicing it for so long one day when i was bored and i ADORE that choreo (lia my beloved) also i think that’s the one song of hers that i watched every single stage without missing one.

8. a song about drugs or alcohol:

truly nothing came to mind so i went on my apple music lol. let’s go with the classic drunk in love - beyoncé

12. a song from your preteen years:

mr. brightside - the killers. (I even remember sitting in my living room watching the vma’s and hearing that song live for the first time and having “it was only a kiss” stuck in my head the entire weekend lol)

14. a song that you would love played at your wedding:

never stop - safetysuit (wedding version)

16. one of your favorite classical songs:

dancing queen - abba

22. a song that moves you forward:

fix you - coldplay. idk why it makes me feel like i’m healing from anything or like i’m floating. (Specially the live version) or also life goes on - bts. that song makes me feel like everything’s gonna be okay at least for 3 mins and 28 seconds.

24. a song by a band you wish were still together:

why so lonely - wonder girls. 😢 truly one of the best kpop songs ever. (i know they are technically a group but they count as a band ok 😆)

26. a song that makes you want to fall in love:

Everytime - chen ft. punch idk what it is but that song makes me wanna kiss someone and hold their hand and maybe serenade them. it’s BAD bad for me (hopeless romantic whose never actually been in love 😂)

28. a song by an artist with a voice that you love:

not really BY him but a cover. only then - jungkook oh my god the vocals and the way he owned that song cover. absolutely amazing. i listen to it a lot. and i just LOVE his voice. (i tried so hard not to be me here and say taemin bc that’s my favorite voice ever) but yeah :)))

[nad-zeta]

Match up (◕‿◕✿)

nAdDy sEnpAi if you’re still doing ikevamp matchups, could you do mine pleaseee 👉🏼👈🏼, school’s been really hectic and i need a pick me up 😔😔 here’s my updated info hehe 😚

I’m a female on the libra-scorpio cusp and a Slytherin, I used to be an ENFP but now I’m an INFP. Appearance-wise, I’m 5'2, i’ve brown eyes and caramel brown hair. I also wear glasses and I’m also quite tanned from being out in the sun all the time.

Personality-wise:

- I can be really enthusiastic about stuff I’m really interested in, such as history (especially world war history), sciences (but physics is trash to me) and anime (I’m a closet nerd hehe) .

- I can be really ambitious and competitive, and I would sometimes place unrealistic expectations on myself, leaving me mentally exhausted and stressed, but like i place these unrealistic measures on myself to strive to be the best

- I do try to chill and take it slow, but you know, sometimes i just can’t 😅

- I’m quite an open book to all my close friends

- I also tend to be really possessive, like I dont like people purposely trying to steal my friends (it happened a lot of times before) and i hate it when someone randomly butts into a conversation i’m having with anyone, especially if it’s a deep conversation

- I can be really awkward around people i don’t click with, but around people i click with, i can be pretty wild and will be able to hold conversations with.

- I tend to procrastinate a lot, and people say i look intimidating but i don’t feel like I’m intimidating.

- I can be really sensitive to other’s emotions and i tend to put others before me, so like my close friend always told me that i’m too much of a giver, like I try to please everyone else and ignore myself

- My love languages are physical touch and quality time

- I can’t stand people who are attention seekers or just aim to be public nuisances as i feel that they’re just really irritating and it gets on my nerves, especially those people who are just doing stupid things to be popular (which is lowkey why i think tiktoks dances are dumb, like seriously i dont get the hype, but i do like tiktok meme videos tho)

- I listen to a lot of different genres of music, but i especially love classics (mozart and chopin are my favourites) and pop.

- I can really insecure at times, because i always feel that every other girl out there is better than me and i’m just a plain and ugly, and partially because i got bullied when i was younger about my appearance

- I like dressing up and putting on makeup occassionally, but i do act like a tomboy most of the time (ie. I hate skirts, like i really dont like them and i have no idea why, but jeans are supreme).

- I also love playing the piano and singing as well, even though i’m not that good at it :D

- People tell me that I’m very curious and persistent, constantly pushing until i get answers, but i do know my limits.

- I’m also very passionate about things I love, and i would do anything to protect people that i care and love.

- I’m also very affectionate and supportive towards my close friends and people i love. - I do have trust issues and I often feel like i do not deserve love and that I hate people who betray my trust.

- I’m ok with pda, but not anything overly affectionate, like hand-holding and kissing is ok, but not making out 😳😖

- I also tend to be pretty forgettful, and i’ll not eat for hours to get my work on hand done (whoop pretty unhealthy but :0)

- I’m also really sarcastic when i want to be, and i can’t hold a poker face to save my life (i swear i always start laughing like 2 seconds in) and I tend to sass people a lot, especially if I’ve had a bad day

- I’m also pretty fiesty and I hate people stereotyping me for my gender (i.e like when someone says that “oh you’re pretty good for a girl”) like what does my gender have to do with my ability? Like there is zero correlation

- My sense of humour is kind of twisted at times but i really love memes and i tend to crack inappropriate jokes sometimes

- I’ve been told that i come across as really flirty to some guys but it’s because i can be really touchy feely to my friends

- I’m also quick to anger, especially if i have a bad day, i hate people who nag and i hate people who put down others

- I’m kind of touch-starved, so i really like hugs and cuddles, but I’m also ticklish so my friends tend to tickle me when hugging me

- I can be a daydreamer at times, like I would get stuck in my own fantasy world when i shouldn’t 😂😂

- I’m also a drama queen around my friends, I dont have a lot of them in real life because of some rumours that others spread, so i only have a close circle of friends i really treasure and would do anything for them

- I also tend to bottle up all my anger and negative thoughts, and would sometimes like explode on others even though I don’t mean to

- Sometimes I don’t really think before I say or act, which is why sometimes I can come off as a bit rude or unfeeling but it’s just me and my impulsiveness 

Fun Facts:

- i really love food, especially sweets (dark chocolate and dango is my life)

- i really hate horror movies (I’m usually pretty brave, but horror movies just get to me so much ergh) but i love chick flicks and adventure flims

- I’m also a hopeless romantic, which is why even little romantic gestures can make my heart flutter

- My hobbies are reading, writing and shooting (only air-rifle though)

- I used to be pretty athletic, I still am, but to a lesser extend now, because i injured my left knee playing volleyball in the past. It’s on it’s road to recovery, but it still hurts quite badly when i overexert myself.

- I love artic foxes and cats, dogs are too energetic for me 😅

- I’m also a sneaker hoarder and I love collecting and wearing sneakers hehe, heels are like torture devices for the feet i dont care even if they make me taller

- Coffee over tea anyday, no offense to peoples who like tea, but a fresh cup of brewed coffee is one of the best things in the world 😚

- I’m really terrible at drawing, I’m not gonna kid you. When i was younger, my art teacher threatened to fail me because im really terrible at drawing. 😂

- I’m also very injury-prone and a bit clumsy, which caused me to have bruises occasionally

- I’m kinda bad and math and physics, but like if you take your time to explain to me then I’ll understand a bit more lol, my best subject is like chemistry

- my ideal date would just be cuddling with my boyfriend, and either watching a movie together or bookshop date hehe

uwu i would be super grateful and happy if you did my matchup uwu thank you sm sending you all my love and hugs and cuddles 🥰💖💕

Hi hi, lia! ❤I’m so happy ya requested! 😆Hehe, I hope you enjoy it love, and I hope this cheers ya up! Love ya lots, and I hope you enjoy it! ❤😊

So I match you with……………. Isaac

Oh, the first time Isaac spotted you in the dining room, introducing yourself to everyone, he was paralyzed with fear. You quite possibly looked more intimidating than anyone he has ever met in his whole entire life, and that’s saying a lot considering you were standing right next to his pure blooded vampire, sire. Comte spotted Isaac hiding behind the doorway of the dining room, peaking in to catch a glimpse of their new guest. You instantly turned around when you heard the blond vampire beckon, someone closer, whose name you know all too well. He had been the cause of endless amounts of math and science homework over the years. 

Your eyes locked with his for a split second, but moments after you met his rosy eyes he darted them to the ground. “I-s-saac Newton, n-nice to meet you.” You gave him a shy smile and took his outstretched hand and shook it, before you could even say a word, Arthur budded in and interrupted. An action which caused you to feel slightly irritated, Isaac looked up at your face and saw that you were starting to become awkward with being the centre of attention. The two of you still held hands when the physicist decided to pull you into the kitchen with him to give you a moment of peace. You smiled when he is a very soft meek voice confessed that he didn’t really like crowds or loud people, a little fact that the two of you bonded over. And before you knew it, you and Isaac were now sitting in the kitchen chatting away in a deep conversation about your mutual dislike of overcrowded places, bullies and plain old public nuisances.

The next day you decided to curiously explore the mansion. You came across a great big library, and you felt as excited as a kid on Christmas day. They had every and any book you could possibly wish for. You decided to spend the day doing something you absolutely loved, and that would be... reading. You had found yourself an old outdated science book, and you were honestly so fascinated at how little had changed in terms of scientific principles over the years. You were so invested in the book you were reading you didn’t even hear Issac walking in. He was on the hunt for his little hedgehog. 

You were awoken from your book reading trance when you heard the sound of a vase smash against the floor. Startled you turned your head towards the loud crash only to see a very distressed looking Isaac. You are naturally sensitive to other emotion, and very much a giver, so it only took one glance at Isaac’s troubled face to prompt you into action. You noticed that he had cut himself on the fallen vase and he was now down crouched on the floor trying to retrieve his terrified hedgehog, who had gotten himself caught at the bottom of one of the large bookcases. 

Wordlessly you laid on the floor beside Isaac and peered under the bookcase, when you spotted little Harry cowering in the dark corner tangled in a ball of wool. Your hands and arms were much smaller than Issac’s, so you were easily able to reach under the bookcase and secure the little hedgehog. Both of you sat up as you cradle the scared little animal in your hands, trying to untangle the wool that was wrapped around his body. “My God, Harry, I was worried sick about you, please never disappear like that again.” both you and Isaac breathed a sigh of relief at the now rescued critter.

That is when you looked up and noticed that Harry wasn’t the only hedgehog who had been injured, “Isaac, your hand!” You stood up and offered Isaac a hand up, you then gently took his hand in yours and led him to your room. You sat him down on your bed and gently started treating the injury as Harry had made himself comfortable, now sleeping on your pillow. While treating Isaac’s injury, you started chatting away with him. You could see him blushing profusely from embarrassment so you decided to tell him about the book you were reading before the whole fiasco. At the mention of the science book, Isaac instantly perked up and met your enthusiasm ten fold. After his wound was wrapped and treated, the two of you sat in deep conversation for the second time that week, chatting all about science and your mutual love for the subject. And that my dear friend is how you and Isaac had become good friends

Since that day, it wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to be sitting across from each other in the library, reading away. Usually, Harry would be nestled in your lap as you and Isaac enjoy a quiet afternoon together. Some afternoon the two of you would just simply sit in silence and read while other afternoons were filled with laughter and conversation between the two of you cuties. 

As the days went on Isaac had noticed a very curious fact about you, and that was how forgetful you were. He had noticed that you would go hours and hours without eating or drinking something which strangely enough, was the exact opposite of him, who required minimum routine of five meals a day. It was this curious observation that had started the habit of the two of you dining together every day. Something which both of you really enjoyed, especially now that the two of you were determined to find the best sweets in all of Paris. Every day without fail, at lunchtime you and Isaac would go out to town to try a new cafés for lunch and sweet. These café crawls usually involved Isaac showing you around Paris, visiting book stores together and leisurely walking beside the Seine. You honestly loved spending time with this hedgehog, who had seemed to have completely opened up to you. 

Isaac loved your inappropriate jokes and twisted humour and would bust out into uncontrollable laughter whenever you would crack a joke. One time as the two of you were sitting on the fountain’s edge eating some ice cream, you saw a man falling up stairs. As hard as you tried, you couldn’t keep a poker face, it just wasn't in you, especially when Isaac had just witnessed the exact same scene and was now looking at you and snickering. Of course, being the sweet angels you were, you rushed to see if the man was alright, however, your walk home with Isaac was filled with jokes and endless laughter of the days events. 

Ooh how Isaac had fallen head over heels for you, his favourite thing in the world was to hear you sing and play the piano. He would silently walk into the piano room whenever you played, and just let the beautiful sounds wash away his weariness of the day. He would shower you with endless compliments, even more so, when you would deny them, saying that you aren’t that good. These playful little banter fights usually end with him tickling you. He usually won’t give up until you admit that you are the best singer and piano player in the whole mansion. Cue Mozart walking in like challenge accepted.

The night Isaac finally confessed his feeling for you was on, one warm summers night. The night started of with Isaac taking you out to watch a musical concert. He knew just how much you love music. Before he had met you, he had never really bother taking the time to listen to music, as he had always been far to absorbed with his own work, to stop and smell the flowers. However since meeting you, he found himself utterly enjoying going to the opera and musical concerts and letting himself just get absorbed by the sound of music. He loved the way your eyes gleamed as you watched and listened to the performance. 

After the concert, he lead you out into the garden, where his telescope had been all set up. The two of you sat together and stargazed while Mozart played some romantic classical music in the background, which was arranged by the resident hedgehog himself. Somewhere between the beautiful sight of the stars and the gentle melody playing in the background. Isaac build up the courage to finally reveal to you just how madly in love he was with you. He then produced a bunch of red roses out of thin air and resting in the roses was a card with a hand-drawn meme ( courtesy of Sabastian) asking you in the most hilarious way to stay in the past with him. The two of you met in a sweet kiss and the rest of the evening was spent cuddled in each other’s arms under the stars.

Both of you are pretty touch starved creatures, so expect to be cuddled, snuggled, kissed and hugged whenever Isaac comes across you. Like if Isaac spots you in the garden hanging laundry he will give you the biggest hug from behind, kiss your neck and then tell you how much he loves you, before he is off with Napo to teach the children.  

Don’t worry about your impulsive behaviours, bottled up emotions or a quick temper. Isaac might be new to the whole human behaviour thing but he is very in-tune with your emotions and he will instantly pick up when you are feeling upset or angry. He will aim to fix every and all problems immediately, especially if it is causing you hurt or upset. This also counts for when you are over stressing yourself, about putting too high an expectation on yourself. If he sees you getting angry, stressed or frustrated, he will pull you into his arms and gently stroke your hair, you can’t be angry when you are being so gently held and loved. Isaac will sit an listen to all your troubles. 

He always encourages you to communicate whenever you are having negative emotions so he can help you through it the best way he knows how, with cuddles. He would usually make you a cup of coffee and pull you into his lap and cuddle you, as you unpack everything and anything that had upset you that day. He will patiently listen and leave small little kisses on your cheeks to remind you that he is there for you and will support you no matter what

He loves your competitive side, even more so when you use it to win a bet and beat Arthur. HE also loves how open-minded you are. The two of you often teach each other new skills, for example, you have been teaching Isaac how to shoot while Isaac has been patiently teaching you maths and science.

He low key loves how possessive you are and is just as possessive over you. He absolutely adores you and will remind you of that every single day. 

He loves holding your hands and giving you small kisses on the cheeks whenever the two of you go out together. He honestly can’t believe it when you feel insecure about the way you look, “You are honest to God, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” Will tickle you and shower you with kisses and loving words whenever you are feeling insecure about yourself. 

He will always snicker when your feisty side comes out. Like whenever you sass the men at the banquets for spewing gender based stereotypes and being ignorant. Once they have been put in their place, Isaac while still laughing at the hilarious smack-down you just gave the ignorant men will always give you the sweetest kisses, “God, I love you so much.”

Isaac legit loves everything about you from your quick temper to your clumsy streak. You best be sure this hedgehog is ganna be right by your side whenever you clumsily injure yourself. He will legit sweep you off your feet and nuzzle into your neck, all while making sure you didn’t injure yourself too severely. 

This boy loves you to the moon and back and would do anything to make you happy. If you are overexerting your injured knee you best be sure he will piggyback you to his room and do everything in his power to ease away the pain. Even if that means taking a soothing hot bath with you.

Often the two of you cuties can be found cuddled together, each reading their own book. Both your love languages are physical touch and quality time so Isaac is happiest when you are nestled near him simply spending some good quality time together.

Other potential matches…………. Comte 

I hope you have the best day lia! Sending ya all the hugs! ❤❤🌻 @i-sleep-like-napoleon

[kireihan]

ship headcanons: mc gets sick

Leviathan x Bernadette:

is it the time?? the long awaited episode where the love interest gets sick??  hello?? his time has come

except he knows like batshit abt what to do when his lover is sick

spends like an hour freaking the f u c k out because bern?? are you ok?? talk to me honey are you dying?? is everything alright??

i mean, he knows that you need the towel and the soup so he isn’t entirely hopeless

no sickies in his room pls and thanks, cant have no germs on his precious figures. plus where would bern sit in his room? there is no rest only weeb here.

has a cooler body temperature compared to the other brothers. his hands are always fucking cold man, who needs a towel when you have levi’s hands? 

watches anime with her. then realizes it’s actually straining her, so he actually holds back from watching to wait for her

pls he tries his best

Solomon x Horizon:

“wdym you aren’t coming over today” “dude im sick” “sick what? are you sick of my shit? too bad you have to deal with me~ “no im like sick sick i cant” “shit im sorry hold on ill be right there babe”

snip snap he works his fucking magic and she’s well again

except his magic makes her feel like 10x as worse before becoming better the next day so she would rather not do it that way

solomon thinks she’s a pussy, brave it out for like 12 hours and ur fine the next day “just do it, i’ll make you feel better” “12 hours of torture? for a cold? hell nah”

hori is a bit more sensitive when she’s sick so solomon isn’t as annoying

treats her rather nicely actually

“babe please sit down” “no i wanna-” “n o” “i’m fine” “you are not fine do you feel your own fever- oh there she went. she fainted.” 

Lucifer x Lia

lmao bitch wont even touch you unless he has gloves and a mask bc what will happen if he gets sick?? god forbid he has to take a day off

she insists on going to school but lucifer makes her stay at home

lucifer is really sick of her getting so irritable like my god just cooperate stop snapping at him 

hires the royal doctor to take care of her because his princess deserves the best

and because he’s too prideful to admit he knows shit when it comes to taking care of a sick human

caught a cold afterwards bcause god hates him

thats funny of me to say

sits by the bed and spoon feeds lia soup during the peak of her illness

Barbatos x Julia

barbatos barely has to do anything because julia is prepared. she’s a competent witch

that doesn’t stop him from fretting on the inside

isn’t as overbearing/skittish as the others, but makes sure he checks in on her everynow and then

julia finds out he makes insanely good soup, i mean she already knew that but he cooked it specifically for her when she’s sick

sometimes julia will fake sick to eat it

she does become a lot grumpier and kinda clingy when sick, since her senses are a little messed up with the cold making it a little harder to perceive things so she leans on barbatos for this

julia once tripped and fell when she was heading to the bathroom during a high fever and barb had a fucking heart attack

Mammon x Reese

someone actually save these two. like my god.

mammon becomes really sulky in school and refuses to do anything without reese around 

reese will haul himself to school but mammon hauls his ass right back to bed then proceed to complain about reese’s absence. 

“dude you okay?” “yeah it’s jsut a little stuffy nose.” “you don’t look very good.” “just a little dizzy, i’m sure it’ll go away” “bRUH-”

mammon slams open the door to catch reese streaming on deviltube because reese is bored

back to bed a g a i n mammon is about to lose his cool

mammon knows shit about taking care of a sick human but this is his human you’re talking about, so he goes and buys expensive medicine

claims his finger slipped when buying it lmao

eventually mammon falls asleep next to reese’s bed

and catches a cold from being the idiot who continues to ask for kisses

Beelzebub x Sen

beelzebub is so confused but tries his best

goes to barbatos to learn how to make soup for sen because soup always makes him feel better

sen complains about feeling cold, and beel knows he has the highest body temperature out of the demons and has a pretty strong immune system from eating god knows what so he has no qualms about crawling into bed with sen and cuddling her so she’s warm

i mean she actually has a fever but sen slapped on one of those menthol cooling patches on her forehead so it’s gucci

beel’s hands are large and warm. instant heating pads. 

really attentive and sits by her bed like a sad puppy asking if she needs anything 

since he has a habit of guarding lucifer’s room when said brother is sick, he guards sen’s room too. just kinda sits in front with his ddd and a pile of snacks, inconveniencing everyone who tries to pass by the hallway

Belphegor x Usako

walks around house of lamentation wrapped in a blanket and leaving tissues in her wake

why is she so mopey my god belphegor doesn’t have the energy for this. slaps a cold towel on her forehead and passes out on the floor

usako literally refuses to rest so belphe has to cast a sleeping spell on her to get her to stay down and recover

belphe goes to ask beel how to help usako get better since beel seems to have better success with sen

you have to realize belphie, sen and beel are like one of the only functional couples here ok.

“why are you so fussy just eat the medicine.” “sTOP FUSSING” “MY GOD JUST EAT IT” belphie is like yey close to flipping his shit

accidentally made her cry because she’s sensitive and belphie sighs really loudly as if to say “damn ur annoying” but goes to cuddle her anyways and presses kisses to her forehead to pacify her

she shows up the next day 100% genki genki and belphie is like “??? weren;t you just sniffling and coughing and having a fever yesterday what happened to you” 

Satan x Yen

satan is probably one of the only competent boyfriends here ngl

has read a ton of books and spends his time reading random things on the internet so he figures out what yen might need

except the damn girl is always sleeping and it’s time for her daily dose of medicine which unlike usako, she doesn’t kick up a fuss over eating. 

gets sick pretty easily and is prone to high fevers. satan ignores her complaining as he places cold towels on her back and forehead. 

yen’s usually too tired and sluggish to actually put up a struggle so there’s just a lot of verbal whining abt the cold 

becomes kinda childish when sick, when she’s really tired and about to fall asleep, she’ll tug on satan’s sleeve and ask him to stay a while

also gets really clingy and hates being alone 

but she’s asleep like 99% of the time lmao

[numba99]

The Intern - Part 7

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Summary: You are an intern at MSG, strictly forbidden to become involved in with any of the Rangers players. However, this becomes difficult when you catch the eye of a certain player. Word count: 2k

Warnings: none, this is the second to last part though!! and I wrote this kinda quick I'm so sorry if there are typos towards the end don’t hate me

Things were finally looking up. Were they perfect? No, you imagined the next few months staying away from Lias would be hard. However, knowing at the end of it there would be a chance to make it work was enough to make you giddy.

So giddy that you didn’t notice how Beth barely returned your hello when you walked in this morning. Nor did you notice her tone when she asked you to meet her in her office in five minutes. If your head hadn’t been in the clouds, thinking about what could be in a few months from now, you may have been a little more prepared to walk into her office and see-

“Lias,” you heard yourself gasp. He was sitting at one of the chairs of her desk, looking like a kid that called down to the principals office.

“Have a seat,” Beth said sternly. Your stomach dropped. She knew. But how? Did someone tell? Did Lias tell? No, he wouldn’t, not after your talk. He wouldn't do something so shitty to you, you knew that. “Do you two know why you’re here?”

You both remained silent. Of course you knew, but what the hell were you going to say? You couldn’t show your hand until you knew exactly what she knew and how much detail.

Beth reached into her desk and pulled out two photos, which she placed down in front of the two of you. It was pictures of you when you went out to talk. One was through the window of the coffee shop and the other was you two hugging on the steps. 

“How did you get these?” Lias asked what you were thinking. Your stomach churned at the thought of someone watching you and taking pictures without you even knowing. 

“They were posted on a Ranger’s blog that I found while looking for something for a story,” Beth replied, “But the bigger problem is that these even exist. Care to explain why you’re blatantly breaking my rules?”

“It’s not what it looks like,” you blurted out.

“Please, y/n, don’t bull shit me,” Beth replied flatly. 

“It wasn’t anything, seriously,” Lias jumped in, “We are friends and we went out for coffee. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“The big deal is I have rules for my interns not to spend alone time with any of the players and y/n went behind my back and did it anyways,” Beth said, turning to you and shaking her head. You felt tears pressing at the back of your eyes, but the last thing you wanted to do was cry right now. You knew Beth would not take kindly to that.

“I’m sorry I-”

“Save it, I don’t want any excuses. I’ve seen the way you two interact. I thought it was just a close professional bond, but now seeing this... I’m sensing something more is going on between the two of you. I can tell when I’m being lied to. I trusted you a lot and you broke that. I’m going to have to let you go,” Beth told you.

“What! You can’t do that,” Lias snapped.

“I’m sorry but that’s not up to you,” she said.

“I’ll quit, I’ll change teams, whatever, I don't know, but you can’t she needs this,” Lias stumbled over his words as he defended you. You were trying to focus on your breath, feeling you were right on the edge of a panic attack.

“You know you can’t do that, Lias,” Beth replied, unamused by his efforts, “You can go now.” Her and Lias stared at each other for a few moments, before Lias turned to you.

“Just go,” you mumbled. Lias let out a heavy sigh, and you swore you heard an “I'm sorry,” under his breath. The silence in the room after he left was so heavy. You wished you could shrivel up and just die right there. Beth must have sensed how awful it was making you feel because she sat with it for some time.

“In three days the team will have an off day. You can come in then when no one is around and get your things,” Beth told you, “You can leave now.” 

You got up, wordlessly and headed for the door. You were afraid If you spoke you wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears. However, right before you left you said, “I’m really sorry.”

“I am too,” Beth replied, “I’ve never been so disappointed.” And with that, you left, managing to keep your tears in until you were back on the street.

____

The next three days were a tortuously slow whirlwind. With crying, lots of crying. It had turned a bit into a pity party, which made you feel pathetic, but you couldn’t help it. At least Jess indulged your moping, never making you feel bad about being a mess.

Between your crying and staring blankly a the wall wondering how your life could have blown up like this, you were desperately searching for an alternative internship placement. You hadn't told your school yet that you were leaving... or getting fired. You thought if you could find something else you could smooth it over by saying it wasn’t a good fit to your schedule or something and it wouldn’t raise many eyebrows. However, at this stage in the game, any placements were already taken, and you wondered how you would explain to an potential supervisor.

“Why are you coming to us months into the semester? A little late isn’t it?”

“Well you see, I was caught having a romantic relationship with one of the players, breaking the only real rule given to me.”

Yeah, that would go over well. With each day that passed, you felt more hopeless. Lias texted you. And called you. You wanted to talk to him, but you just couldn’t. You weren't mad at him, he wasn’t at fault. It was the rule you broke after all and he stood up for you in Beth’s office when you couldn’t find the words. However, talking to him, facing everything that was going on just felt like too much. 

You did manage to text him a short message that you were okay (ha!) and that you would talk to him when you had things figured out because you owed him that much. You tossed your phone away before you could tempt yourself with reading any of the messages he left.

There was a brick in your stomach when they day to clear out your desk finally came. You felt like you were going to your execution - dramatic, you knew - but you couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom. The only saving grace was that none of the players would be there and that the office would be relatively quiet since it was an off day. With any luck you could get in and out and not have to interact with a single soul.

You managed to get into your office without any outside contact. You shut the door behind you, hoping no one would notice you were there. You bit back tears as you began to pack up your things into a tiny box. You were only there a short time, but it all felt so special. Partially because of the amazing experience and doing what you had dreamt of doing since you were a little girl, sitting wide-eyed watching the Rangers play... but partially because of Lias. 

You were realizing now that he meant a lot to you, more than you were letting yourself believe. He wasn’t just some guy you wanted to hook up with, he was a guy you wanted to be with. He had a way of making things feel special and exciting that no other lover was ever able to match.

Just as you were thinking you wish you could see him, the door to your office pushed open. You held your breath, thinking it might be Beth to scold again, but it was Lias. You let out a soft gasp, feeling like you somehow had conjured him.

“I hope I’m not bothering you,” he said. He eyed you sympathetically, his soft blue eyes filling you with the greatest sense of peace in the last 72 hours. You couldn’t think of what to say, so you just flung your arms around him. He squeezed you tightly, almost to the point where you couldn’t breath, but you loved it.

“What are you doing here?” you asked when you finally managed to peel yourself away.

“I had to see you,” he replied, smiling faintly, before adding, “I also have something for you, but I gotta show you.” He took you by the hand and pulled you out of the office. You wanted to resist, feeling like you were most definitely pushing It by holding his hand, but what did you have to lose? You were already fired.

Lias led you down the hallway, towards the locker room. You wondered what he had that he had to show you here. When you stepped into the locker room, you were met by nearly the entire team Your brows furrowed in confusion. Had you miscounted the days in your stupor and came in the wrong time?

Before you could speak, a familiar voice asked what you were thinking, “What is this?” You spun around to find Beth being led into the room by Mika. 

“We’re all here for y/n,” Lias spoke up, “We don’t want her fired.” Lias stood in front of them all. There were players, such as Fil and Kaapo, that you’d only talked to on occasion. They were nice, but you weren’t close with them like you were with Mika or even Chris. You were surprised, but incredibly moved that they were there in support of you.

“That’s not yo-” Beth tried to speak, but she was cut off.

“But it is,” Lias replied firmly, “No one has been so kind to us all. All you reporters care about is the story, y/n cared about us. She made us all feel special. MSG is as much her home as it is ours, and we won’t play if she isn’t here to ask the questions after.” Everyone nodded in agreement as Lias spoke.

“Seriously?” Beth questioned.

“Seriously,” Mika replied, putting his arm around Lias, “No one should be punished for caring about someone. We all know how great y/n is, she isn’t going to let anything get in the way of that, romantic relationship or not. Let her stay, or you can explain to everyone else why we are suddenly forfeiting games.” 

Beth was shocked, and honestly you were too. You couldn't believe they were all doing this for you. You didn’t feel worthy, but you were eternally grateful, even if it didn’t work. The longer the room was in silence, the more you thought Beth was going to tell them no deal, but finally she relented.

“Fine, y/n can stay.” The room erupted in cheers, and you couldn’t help but let out a squeal yourself. Beth seemed displeased, speaking directly to you, “We are going to talk about this tomorrow. Be here your normal time.”

The second she left the room, Lias’s arms were around you, spinning you around in a tight hug. You giggled, feeling absolutely on top of the world, even though you were sure you were in for it tomorrow. You didn’t care, though, you’d rather be miserable with an internship than miserable without one.

“Lias I... I can't believe you did this,” you gushed, “I can’t even thank you enough.”

“You don’t have to,” Lias smiled, “You deserve this. More than anyone I know.” He pressed a soft kiss to your lips, and for the first time you kissed him without any concern in the world. That pulled a few “oohs” from the younger players. You and Lias chuckled as Mika and Chris shooed them from the room.

“This internship is the best thing that ever happened to me,” you sigh, brushing the golden locks out of Lias’s eyes.

“Because it led to meeting some stupid boy?” he teased, though he didn’t realize how right he was.

“No,” you replied, “because it brought me to you.”

[witchyitzy]

itzy being jealous of stray kids

yeji; 예지:

yeji didn’t like being jealous. she hated the feeling of insecurity that came with it, and she knew the only way that it would go away would be to talk it out with you.

laying down in her bed, you in her arms, she spoke, “baby, can i ask you something?” she felt you nod against her chest, “would you leave me for hyunjin?”

you lifted your head off her chest, locking eyes with her, and seeing she genuinely thought you would leave her, you softened, “no. i wouldn’t. he isn’t you.”

“he’s better than me,” she muttered, “he’s always been a better dancer, and rapper.”

you sat up, crossing your arms as you look at her, “to you, he is. to me? yeah, he’s a good dancer, he’s a good rapper, but guess what yeji? he isn’t you. to me, you are the best dancer, the best rapper, the best singer, and my favorite. i’m glad that you are telling me this, because until you see it, i’m gonna tell you everyday.”

yeji smiled, “i love you, thank you.”

lia; 리아

lia can’t deny that she’s seen you and jisung hanging out in the studio more, and she was wondering if something was happening between the two of you.

when you had came to the dorm later than you said you would, she got nervous and asked, “is jisung better?”

you froze, “what? better at what?”

“dating you.”

you laughed, “oh my god. no. i’m not dating him, he’s helping me with a song.”

“why didn’t you just get chaeryeong to help you then?” lia poured and you giggled.

“because,” you spoke, walking towards her, “it’s a love song, and chaeryeong can’t keep a secret from her favorite unnie.”

“you-you’re writing me a love song?” she asked, and you nodded.

“you’ll hear it on our one year, now come on, bed time.”

ryujin; 류진

ryujin knew you used to have a crush on felix before you met her, and fell for her, but that didn’t stop her from getting insecure and jealous when you two became best friends. she didn’t know how to bring it up to you, so she chose to ignore it, until she saw you and him in the café, talking and laughing, and stormed up to the table.

“sorry felix, but i need my girlfriend to follow me,” she spoke, her tone low, and felix smiled.

“that’s fine, i need to get back to practice,” he spoke, and the both of you stood up, hugged, and he left. ryujin huffed, and dragged you into an empty studio.

“ryujin, what is with you?” you ask, knowing something was very wrong.

“you and felix! are you trying to date him now? is he better than me?” she exclaimed and you laughed, “oh, you’re laughing now? is this funny to you?”

“very much so,” you giggle, “babe, he’s been helping me pick out a promise ring for you. he’s a hopeless romantic and likes hearing about our relationship. so when i said i wanted a promise ring for you, he jumped at the opportunity.”

ryujin looks at you with a blank stare, “you got me a promise ring?” she asks, and you nod, pulling it out.

“i was gonna wait till our anniversary but i guess now is as good as then,” you say, handing the ring over.

ryujin looks at the ring, expecting it, and then looks back at you, tears in her eyes.

“i’m so sorry,” she says, pulling you into a hug, “i love you so much. i’m so sorry i didn’t just talk to you about it.”

you kiss her cheek, “it’s okay. i love you.”

chaeryeong; 채령

chaeryeong very rarely got jealous. she trusted you, and knew you wouldn’t cheat, but for some reason, seeing you talk in english with seungmin, and not being able to understand, make her so incredibly jealous.

heading back into the studio with her, she sighs before speaking, “why do you talk to seungmin in english?”

you lifted your head up from your phone, and look at her confused, “so i don’t forget my native tongue, and so his english gets better. why?”

chaeryeong looks away from you, “i never know what you two are saying and i feel left out.”

you giggle, “then i’ll teach you english.”

she turns around in her chair, “you would?”

you nod, “of course, but it’s completely up to you.”

chaeryeong practically jumps into your arms from her chair, and cuddles into you, “please, please, please.”

you kiss her head, “of course my love.”

yuna; 유나

yuna knew jeongin liked you, all of jyp knew, but all of jyp also knew that you were dating yuna, jeongin included, and he respected that. although yuna would still get jealous whenever jeongin and you would hang out.

yuna didn’t know where you went, and she didn’t know when you’d be back considering she showed up unannounced. hearing the door unlock, she perked up from the couch.

“hey babe!” she yelled and you jumped, grabbing your chest.

“jesus yuna! how long have you been waiting?” you asked, putting your stuff down, and sitting down next to her on the couch.

“not long, but where were you? i wanted to spend the day with you,” yuna pouted, and you cooed.

“i was with jeongin and felix, i ran into them at the café and we talked for a bit,” you spoke, hands running through her hair, and you felt her tense, “yuna?”

“you were with jeongin?” she asked.

“and felix, love.”

she huffed, “why?”

you rolled your eyes, knowing your girlfriend was jealous, “because i am friends with them yuna, and i ran into them at the café, and wanted to talk. it’s a friendship.”

you felt her relax, “i know, i’m sorry. i just get jealous when you hang out with jeongin.”

“don’t. i’m not leaving you for him. he knows that.”

[itsmyusualphannie]

you had me at hydrangea

Chapter 2/6 - take it or leaf it

“I want him to see the flowers in my eyes and hear the songs in my hands.” ― Francesca Lia Block, Dangerous Angels

a phan flower shop/video editor au

(read on ao3) - start from the beginning!

previous chapter | next chapter

~~~

It was raining, Phil noticed as he opened the curtains in his sitting room. Not a downpour, but a steady drizzle that looked like it could go on for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. His aloe vera plant on the windowsill seemed droopy at the lack of sunlight and Phil gave its leaves a sympathetic stroke.

“You’ll be fine,” he assured it. It just looked sadder.

The timer in the kitchen beeped loudly and Phil hurried back to turn off the coffeemaker. It loved to malfunction if he didn’t cater immediately to its demands. Once, when he had forgotten that he’d turned it on, and was listening to music in his bedroom while he cleaned, he had emerged from his room to find the coffeemaker sputtering happily away as it spat, burning liquid all over the kitchen floor. He still had no idea how it had happened.

He got to it now, just in time before it started gurgling dangerously. He collected a travel mug from the counter high above the sink and filled it, splashing in a generous amount of milk and sugar and stirring more violently than it warranted.

Keys dangling between his teeth, Phil grabbed his computer bag from the counter and hauled it over one shoulder, then shouldered through the front door with the coffee balanced in his hand. He somehow managed not to drop anything as he fumbled the items so he could lock the door.

It was Thursday again, and that meant almost no customers at the flower shop. It was a perfect day, albeit a wet one, to work on his project. He realized, after he had already trudged down the stairs and out onto the street, that he had forgotten his umbrella, but it wasn’t raining too badly and he didn’t feel like going the three flights back up to get it. The shop was only a few blocks away, anyway.

It was fortunate that his computer bag was waterproof, as Phil himself was dripping steadily by the time he reached his destination. The flower display out front appeared perky from the rain, soft petals beaded with droplets of moisture. Phil brushed a finger over one, scattering raindrops, and then pushed open the door to go inside. It was instantly warmer than the cool air outside, a gentle draft wrapping around Phil. He brushed wet hair out of his eyes and glanced around.

“Phil!” said Dan, sounding pleased. He always did, as though he was surprised that Phil was still showing up.

“Dan!” Phil rejoined. He reached the table in the corner and set down his bag and coffee mug. The mug clacked loudly against the wooden surface. “Do you mind if I sit here to work?”

“Not at all,” said Dan. He was again swaying dangerously on the stool behind the counter, a pencil dangling between his loose fingers and papers sprawled on the surface in front of him. His hair was especially curly today, Phil noticed.

“Have you had many customers?” asked Phil.

“No,” Dan said, not sounding sorry about it. “It’s very slow today. I’m trying to write to pass the time.”

“Oh, nice,” said Phil, and didn’t pursue the topic though he urgently wanted to know more about it, more about Dan. But Dan didn’t like talking about whatever it was that he constantly scribbled at, sighed over angrily, and eventually crumpled to throw in the trash bin under the counter.

Dan sighed, as Phil thought he would, and looked down at the papers littering the counter. “I guess.” He circled something on one with a casual flick of his wrist and his gaze came back up to Phil. “You’re soaked,” he noted.

“Yes, it’s raining,” Phil said, rather pointlessly, as they could both hear the pattering sound coming from outside. “And I forgot my umbrella.” He wiped fingers through his damp hair again, wishing suddenly that he had done something with it other than the usual quiff. It poked up in odd places now, no doubt, rebelling against the humidity.

“You’re hopeless,” Dan said, but he was smiling. “How did the...er, the housewarming party go? Last Friday?”

“Oh!” said Phil. He had almost forgotten about it, bizarrely, in his excitement to see Dan again. “It went well. We all got ridiculously drunk and I had to sleep over. I wanted to say thanks for the flower suggestion. They loved them.”

Dan waved a hand dismissively. “I literally looked up the meaning you asked for on Google. I told you, I know nothing about flowers.”

“Really, thanks,” Phil insisted, remembering PJ’s and Sophie’s delighted reactions over the bouquet of beautiful sunflowers, right before they had both begun to tease him about his ‘flower boy.’

“Fine, you’re welcome,” Dan said, sounding reluctant.

“Good.” Phil felt like he’d won an important argument, even though they hadn’t been arguing at all. Dan glanced down at the counter and Phil thought maybe he had been looking too intensely at him again. He looked away hastily and pulled out his computer, struggling with getting it plugged in like usual.

There was silence for a few minutes as Phil opened the files on his computer and sorted through them, then Dan spoke.

“Do you only ever come here during the afternoons?”

Phil was a little surprised, but it wasn’t as if he’d ever actually told Dan that he only came to see him. There wouldn’t be much point coming by when Louise was the only one working. His computer was an excellent excuse to sit in the corner and sneak glances at Dan from time to time without appearing creepy. “Yes,” he replied because he didn’t know what else to say. “I mean...my schedule works like that. I’m not a morning person.” It wasn’t a lie.

“Neither am I,” Dan admitted. “That’s why I only work afternoons and evenings. Louise takes all of the morning shifts because she knows I’d never be here on time.”

Phil thought despondently that that was a very considerate thing for a girlfriend to do, but he would probably do the same thing if he had Dan. “Oh. So that’s why I see her so rarely,” he said, as if he didn’t plan out his visits to just see Dan.

Dan nodded in agreement but said nothing else and the conversation trailed away. Phil clicked at his laptop, all at once hating himself for wanting Dan so much that it ached at him. The minutes passed in silence. Phil wasn’t actually very productive, but then again, he never really was when he could be catching glimpses of Dan out of the corner of his eye instead of editing video clips.

The door swept open with a burst of cool air and the scent of rain, and Phil almost jumped at the suddenness of it in the quiet of the shop. A rotund, dripping man plodded inside, his shoes squeaking against the tile floor. The door closed quietly behind him.

“Good afternoon!” the man said cheerfully, to both Dan and Phil. “How are you today?”

“Er, fine,” said Phil, indescribably awkward as the man’s small eyes scrunched at his answer.

Dan had not replied, and he still said nothing, hunched over the counter. “How can I help you?” he finally said, seeming fatigued with only those few words.

The man didn’t seem bothered by his lack of courtesy. “I would like some flowers!” he said. “Something romantic.”

“Roses are the typical choice,” Dan droned, gesturing at the tubs on the wall, “and tulips or lilacs are also an excellent choice for a partner. Would you like help in choosing a colour?”

“Those pink ones!”

Dan glanced toward where the man had pointed. He seemed like he wanted to say something, Phil noticed, but he didn’t and instead took the pink bouquet out of its tub. Phil turned his attention back to his project as Dan wrapped the flowers and completed the transaction, polite, but clearly bored. The man collected his purchase and left the shop as cheerfully as he had come.

As silence descended upon them once more, Phil remembered that he had to buy flowers as well. That was, supposedly, why he came here, after all. He swept his mind frantically and then recalled with a sudden relief that he was going to the Isle of Man that weekend to see his parents. “Flowers!” he blurted and was startled by the loudness of his tone in the shop. For the second time in as many minutes, he felt terribly awkward.

Dan didn’t seem to mind, looking up from the papers that he had been staring at unmovingly. “Yes,” was all he said, prompting.

“For my mum,” Phil said, feeling a blush starting to burn at his cheeks. “I’m going to see my parents. I need to bring some flowers.”

Dan had propped his chin in one hand, watching Phil closely with an expression that only made Phil’s face feel hotter. The loose black shirt that he was wearing dipped at his movement, baring pale skin. “Flowers for your mum?”

“Yes,” Phil said, refusing to feel embarrassed. His cheeks weren’t getting the memo. “She likes them.”

“No, no, that’s sweet,” said Dan. The wrinkles at the corners of his eyes were deep with mirth. “What kind of flowers does she like?”

“Er, daisies. And carnations. But I want to get her something different this time.” Phil hesitated. His eyes fell pathetically on the slope of Dan’s slender neck and the jut of his delicate collarbones. He felt wobbly at the sight of them, as though they made Dan seem more vulnerable somehow. “Is there anything you would recommend?”

Dan looked exasperated at being put on the spot, but after a long moment, he smiled widely. “Yes,” he said. “Chrysanthemums.” He pulled a phone out from under the counter and typed away at it for a few seconds before announcing, “They symbolize optimism and joy. If your mum is anything like you, they’re perfect for her.”

Phil’s face, which had been cooling back to its normal colour, burned again at the subtle compliment. “That sounds good,” he said weakly.

Dan returned the phone and dropped his chin back into his hand, resting his elbow on the counter. The stool creaked ominously underneath him, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Also, chrysanthemum. Great pun material.”

Phil laughed, appreciating that immensely. Dan looked pleased with himself.

“So when are you visiting them? They live on the Isle of Man, you said once?”

“Yes,” Phil agreed. “I’ll probably go on Friday and stay until Sunday or Monday. My brother and his girlfriend are going to be there as well. They’ve both got some time off from their jobs and - well, you know. I can take time off whenever I want, as long as I get my assignments in on time.”

Dan seemed actually interested in what Phil was saying, which was a striking contrast to his wearied attitude with the customer. Phil was ridiculously flattered and despised himself for it. “How often do you visit them?” Dan asked.

“Every month or so, at least. It’s weird not seeing them all the time. I told you I lived with them for a year after I graduated while I was trying to get a job, right?”

“Hmm.” Dan considered it. “No, I don’t think you did.”

“Oh, well. I did. I turned down a pretty big job offer because I wanted to freelance, and I regretted it for a while, but then I found this opportunity. It’s amazing - I get to work by myself like I wanted, but it’s technically a regular job.” Phil touched his mouse pad to keep the computer screen from dimming and he stared at the folders that were open when he spoke again. “Anyway, yeah. I moved up here when I got this job. I do have to go to meetings occasionally, but it’s great.”

“I bet,” Dan hummed. “How did your parents take it?”

Phil snorted with laughter. “Oh, I’m sure they were glad to finally get me out of the house. Actually, they moved a few months after I moved out. That’s why they live on the Isle of Man now. I mean, my mum calls a lot and she says she misses me, but...you know. I guess parents want freedom from their kids too.”

“Probably,” Dan said. His expression was pensive.

“What about your parents?” Phil asked, desperate to keep the conversation going. 

“Oh, they’re...parents.” Dan huffed, a small smile on his face. “I don’t have quite the same relationship with them that you have with your parents. I mean, I go back for Christmas. Their birthdays and mine, sometimes.” He had been leaning far over the counter, but when the subject changed to his own family, he sat back, barely managing to keep his balance on the stool.

Phil thought maybe he should ask about Louise’s family and how Dan got along with them, but he didn’t actually want to know. He felt Dan would get along great with Martyn and his own mum. He’d probably never be able to find out. “That’s fine,” he said, forcing his thoughts back to the topic of Dan’s parents. “Not everyone has to get along well with their parents.”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed, peering down again at the papers in front of him. He traced a long finger over one and his face twisted in displeasure at it. He crumpled it and tossed it out of Phil’s sight, under the counter and presumably into the trash bin. “So. Chrysanthemums. What’s your mum’s favourite colour?”

Phil accepted the subject change, shifting in his seat to glance over the rows of colourful flowers that lined the walls in racks and tubs. “Which ones do you have?”

Dan almost fell off his seat standing up. He sounded put out when he said, “Too many. Louise goes overboard. Here, this is the shelf with them.”

Wondering if he was supposed to walk over to the rack of flowers by the door, Phil stood anyway and made his way over. Dan pulled a perky yellow flower out of a tub and offered it to Phil, who took it with trepidation.

“Yellow,” Dan said. “Also,” he brushed a hand over the others to demonstrate, “pink, purple, blue, and this multi-coloured one. You could get a bunch of different colours, or just one colour in a bouquet.”

This close, Phil could clearly see the little freckles dotting Dan’s face and the silver hoop in his ear. He looked so much softer here, rubbing a thumb over sensitive petals, than he did behind the counter seeming vaguely distant and in his own head. Phil was struck by the urge to press his fingers into Dan’s cheeks until his dimples appeared again. He realized he was subconsciously reaching out for Dan and he snatched his hand back before Dan could see the movement.

“What do you think?” Dan asked. He had plucked a few flowers and crushed them together in a tight grip. The flowers drooped sadly at the mistreatment.

Phil looked at them. “More blue,” he suggested.

Dan added more blue flowers. Phil had to agree that it was very pretty, and he told Dan as much. Dan’s face crinkled and his dimples materialized. Phil willfully resisted adding that Dan was prettier.

“I can keep them for you until you leave if you want,” Dan said. He tugged a few more flowers from the bin and added them to the bristling bunch of colour. Phil handed him the yellow flower than Dan had given him earlier, and Dan poked it into the middle of the bouquet.

“Okay,” Phil said.

“Okay,” Dan said back. He went back behind the counter and flourished scissors and ribbons, snipping at the blossoms and tying them together. He had finished and dropped them in a vase of murky-looking water by the time Phil realized that he was just standing there watching Dan work.

Phil hurried back to his seat in the corner. His computer had gone dark and he hit a few keys until it lit up again. “Er, I guess I’ll work on this,” he said sheepishly.

Dan slid back onto his seat. He was still smiling as he ducked his head and pushed at the papers scattered on the counter. “I guess I’ll work on this.”

Phil again wondered what Dan was doing with those papers. He hoped he would find out eventually. Bending his head and going back to the computer, Phil was soothed by the occasional, distant scratching of a pencil against paper.

Phil reached the halfway point of his assignment and Dan didn’t throw away any more papers that day. Phil felt like they’d both accomplished something important.

previous chapter | next chapter 

[runningthxnight]

Guidelines

Basic Rules:

-SEMI SELECTIVE AND MUTUALS ONLY.  This is for my own safety and feeling of security. If you want to roleplay with me, follow me. I will do the same for you if I’m willing to interact. Reminder that this is a side blog. Follows come from both Nolongerbeneaththemoonlight and Tainted-flcwer, my two rp blogs that are the admins of this blog.

-OCS, AUS, AND ALL OTHER CHARACTERS WELCOME. I don’t care who your muse is. I’m all for OCs, crossovers, AUs, anything!! Just know that if I’m unaware of the fandom, you’ll have to bear with my ignorant ass lol

-NO ONE-LINERS. I need some more interest in our thread from your end so I don’t lose muse as well. One-liners are fine for crack threads, but nowhere else. I’m fine with single to multiparagraph, and that’s how I will be writing.

-NO GODMODDING. I cannot express this enough. It’s my biggest pet peeve. Just don’t, or I’ll end the Rp immediately.

-PLEASE USE CORRECT GRAMMAR. I’m a bit of a grammar freak, so seriously. At least try. However, If English isn’t your first language, I COMPLETELY understand.

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-UNFOLLOWS. There’s a low chance I will unfollow someone, and the only reasons I can think of are spreading drama, being inactive for over a month without a hiatus, and too many OOC posts. The latter is why I am hesitant to follow back personal blogs who roleplay on said blog, but it’s not impossible. I won’t follow personal blogs from side blogs, but if you let me know you are a side blog I will gladly follow where you roleplay.

-TROOP ADDITIONS. Anyone is welcome to join The Runaways!! Just talk to me OOC if you want to be part of the show, and we’ll have your character join.

Romance Rules:

-NO SMUT. I can’t stress this enough. It’s not that I’m a minor, it’s that it makes me uncomfortable. You will never see smut on this blog. I’m fine with heavy make out scenes, but when the clothes start to come off is where I request a fade to black.

-I LOVE TO WRITE ROMANCE THREADS. I’m a pretty big hopeless romantic, as that’s where most of my muse is generated from. I may want to add a ship to our thread at some point, but will never force it.

-REFUSALS. NO pedofilia, NO incest, NO rape, or ANYTHING nasty like that. That is horrible and disgusting, and I refuse to take part of it. I will not stand for it happening in any of my threads.

-THERE MUST BE CHEMISTRY. Don’t bother trying to make a ship work that just won’t click, it’s a waste of time. Kira can be shipped with mostly anyone, Anne is slow with her feelings, Grelle struggles to love someone in a way that isn’t detrimental to their own health, and Lia is very closed off and extremely hard to get close to. Not to mention that Atsushi is pretty oblivious to his own feelings and Osamu just struggles to get close to someone like that, but will easily sleep around. Just give it time.

-PLEASE RESPECT MY MUSES’ SEXUALITIES. Kira is a heteromantic demisexual, Lia is a biromantic demisexual, Grelle is pansexual, Anne is homosexual, Atsushi is a panromantic demisexual, and Dazai is bisexual.

Rules and things about me:

-I HAVE LOTS OF WRITING EXPERIENCE. I’ve been writing since I was maybe even seven years old, played games where I pretended to be a character irl since I was five, and have been actually roleplaying for approximately 6 years now. I’ve been roleplaying on Tumblr for a year. I really love it, you know?

-WARNING, I WRITE GORE. I tend to go into detail about pain, suffering, death, and just very demented topics. That’s just a warning. If you have a problem with that, you may not want to follow me…

-TAGGING. Gore, murder, and other dark and triggering things will most likely be tagged, but swearing will not. I swear far too much for me to remember to tag it. Another thing, Osamu Dazai is a character on this blog, and while it IS an AU of him, suicide will be a major topic and will not be tagged. If that bothers you, just don’t follow. Also, I don’t post NSFW images or threads on this blog or any, so don’t worry about that, but I will tag asks and memes that are nsfw. I tag things like this (using death as an example): tw: death

-RESPONDING TIME. Please know I have three roleplay blogs so it may take me a little bit, so don’t rush me. If it’s been over a week, please just remind me. I probably lost the reply. I ask that you will otherwise be patient with me, and I’ll do the same for you! 

-I’M ALWAYS HERE IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. Honestly, I want to help! If something’s wrong and you want to tell me about it, I’m all ears. I hate being upset or depressed myself, so I like to try to make others feel better. It helps with my own sadness.

That’s all for right now..! Happy roleplaying~!!

like this post if you have read it and agree to it, please.

If you don’t agree to these rules and don’t want to follow me back, if I have already followed you, please just HARD block me. It’ll help keep my dash cleaner, as well as make sure in my forgetfulness I won’t follow you again. Don’t worry, I won’t be upset lol. Thank you so much for reading my rules!! 🖤🖤

[rcsecoloredx]

⌐ ( adria arjona. female. she/her. ) i heard that melody ayala has been causing some drama lately. i’m pretty sure they live in briar glen and have been for 25 years, so that’s not really a surprise. they think that the rivalry is a good way to keep alike people together, and although she may not fully agree with it she can respect that notion. the 25 year old is a novelist, right? i heard that even though they’re witty & empathetic, they can also be cold & blunt. i don’t think they want anyone to know this, but she’s a professional domme. i hope for their sake no one finds out. ⌟

full name: melody lia ayala nicknames: mel, em, mistress  birthday: august 14 zodiac: leo mbti: intj label: the renegade alignment: chaotic good hogwarts house: ravenclaw fictional character comparisons: arizona robbins, debbie eagan, carmen morales parent/sibling relationship:

melody loves her family loads, but they’re super into the whole rivalry and she just doesn’t have the time to care about that. that being said, they were really good at teaching her values and all that. she quotes her mom regularly. i mean, them only paying for part of her college may have taught her about responsibility and money but it also led her to becoming a sex worker so you do the math on that one.

important platonic relationships:

she has a best friend that knows what she does, please give that to me

important romantic relationships:

mel is a serial dater. she is either dating three people, or in a serious relationship with one, or sleeping with 10. it’s how she rolls. she doesn’t like being alone. she’s terrified of it, really. 

she’s sleeping with ariel right now, and if anyone else wants to add to that list have at it.

important negative relationships:

none at the moment but you tell me if your char hates her and i’ll be down tbh

more backstory/fun facts/whatever you want:

mel loves being a domme. full stop. it’s not because she’s bored, or poor (she’s not really anymore at all) it’s because she loves it. the only reason she doesn’t tell people is because she doesn’t want to do that to her family’s reputation. 

she’s a romance writer. mildly ironic, i know, but she is a bit of a hopeless romantic and that’s definitely apparent in her work. she has one published novel and she’s working on the other one right now.