#also i love my dad. he’s been very supportive with me finding another job

[motheyes]

my hips hurt from sitting and laying. they’d hurt if i was walking more. they always hurt regardless

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Dirty Work 4

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.

Characters: Loki

Note: Itcha gurl, back at it again.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

The doctor checks the chart then glances at the machine with your father’s vitals. Today, you’re father’s awake. He has been for a few days but today he’s alert. You know because he told you the jello was disgusting. Those are the first and only words he’s said to you in more than two weeks.

“You’re very lucky to have a daughter who knows what she’s doing,” Dr. Shearer remarks.

Your father grumbles, scowling as he doesn’t offer much else to the doctor.

“You must be happy to have her around,” Shearer continues, “it is time to start considering your discharge. You’re stable, breathing on your own again, your heartbeat is within a normal range.” You watch your father as he stares past the doctor. It’s as if he refuses to acknowledge that this is real. “You’ll have a few new meds to add to your day but with normal check-ups I think we can be optimistic.”

A grunt. You fold your hands and stand up, “thank you, doctor. Erm, could someone explain the new medicines to me?”

“Yes, of course. That’ll be in the discharge paperwork but I’ll have a Nurse Practitioner come to discuss with both of you,” he assures, “and some resources on quitting. The cigarettes can’t continue.”

“I’ll smoke if I goddamn want,” your dad snarls, breaking his shield of indifference.

The doctor gives him a sharp look but doesn’t argue, “I’m only here to diagnose and give me treatment suggestions. But you keep smoking, sir, and next time, you won’t make it to the hospital.”

“Good,” your dad sneers defiantly.

The doctor nods and his mouth seals grimly. He turns back to you, “let us know if you need anything else. We have some support groups and resources, I’ll make sure that info is also sent off with you.”

“Thanks so much, Doctor,” you squeeze your hands tighter. You want to apologise for your father but you know he’ll only get worse if you do.

“It’s alright,” Shearer says as if reading your mind, “these things are stressful. For everyone. Couple more days and he’ll be free to go.”

You try to smile but your cheeks can only tremble. The doctor leaves you with your father and you peek over at him. He grimaces at the ceiling.

“That’s good news, dad,” you say as you near the foot of his bed.

“Is it? You shoulda left me to die,” he barks.

You flinch, not once, twice. A chirp in your pocket further jars you as it shrilly erupts in the buzzing silence. You reach into the pocket of your hoodie and clutch your flip phone as it bings even louder. The little digital display shows the agency’s number.

“Sorry,” you apologise and flip it open, turning away to scurry out and answer, “hello?”

You hold your breath. Why are they calling? You didn’t have a job today and you only really get emails regarding clients. It must be very serious.

“It’s Clara,” your boss begins in her terse way. “Have you seen my email?”

She sighs, “you should be checking daily. Got a job today. You want it?”

You blink. This is the first time you’ve been asked to come in for an extra shift. You could use the money desperately. When your dad is discharged, he’ll be sent off with another invoice.

“Yes,” you accept without hesitation, “I’ll take it.”

“Great. Check your email. Details are there,” she sniffs.

“Alright, tha-nks,” your voice cracks as she hangs up in the middle of your last word. She must be busy, surely more busy than you, the lowest rung on the ladder she has to keep from falling over.

You close the phone and put it back in your pocket. You shuffle back into the room and find your father with his eyes closed. The machine continues to beep in time with his pulse.

“I gotta work,” you say, “that was my boss–”

“Then leave me alone,” he snaps without opening his eyes, “can’t you see I’m tryna sleep?”

“Sorry, I–”

“Go and don’t come back,” he growls, “I don’t need you crowding this shit hole.”

“Um, dad, I–”

He coughs and hacks and waves you off, swallowing thickly, “I said go.”

You dip your head down. You can’t imagine being in his position. Stuck in a hospital bed on the other side of near-death. You might not be very nice yourself.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“I don’t care,” he turns his head and wiggles his shoulders as he tries to get comfortable.

You swallow down the hurt. You didn’t expect him to thank you for what you did. Not for anything. That’s just what you do for someone you love. Yet, you hoped he might have woken up a little bit nicer than before.

“Love you, Dad,” you murmur.

He grumbles. That’s all you get. You suck in a breath and hold it in, trying to keep from crumbling long enough to get out of that room.

🧹

At first, you’re not certain the information in the email is correct. You’re to return to Mr. Laufeyson’s house for the second time that week, but it’s a Friday night. In your days at the hospital, the calendar lines skewed between the alarms you kept in your phone for sanity. The return to reality is just as disjointing as the descent away from it.

You go home and change into your typical cleaning attire. All black. Plain. Clothes meant for getting dirty. Not that any of your wardrobe is particularly spectacular.

You grab your kit and your water bottle and rush out to catch the bus. You’re not used to being on transit near-dark. The prospect of getting home comes to mind as you cling to a pole amidst the crowded vehicle. It makes you nervous but you’re certain it will be okay. Mr. Laufeyson lives in a nice neighbourhood.

You get off the bus and bring your phone out. As you approach the house, it is lively with bodies milling in and out. You let yourself through the gate and peer over at the two cube vans near the front entrance. A white jacket, pristine uniforms, you can only assume they are some sort of catering company. The type you’ve seen on TV in those reality shows with women drinking wine.

You watch them for a moment. They are orderly and determined. What’s more, they work together in perfect harmony, words passing quietly and easily, trays moving smoothly between hands and set onto carts. It’s a shining contrast to your dim and lonely work.

You make yourself turn away and continue around the back of the house. You stop short of the rear corner and a gasp bubbles up. You watch a hummingbird buzzing over the bed of flowers. It’s so small and green and cute. You wince as it flits up towards the window, your cheeks bulbing to the smile as your gaze follows it. 

In a moment, it wings away, shyly retreating from your admiration. Your eyes fall to the window as you sense a shift on the other side. Just between the edges of the half-drawn drapes you meet a pair of green eyes over a long and cynical nose. Your smile dissolves as you recognise Mr. Laufeyson and his stony observation. You touch your fingertips to your mouth in self-reproach and tuck your chin down, turning back onto the path.

You go to the back door but it’s already unlocked. You let the handle go and linger outside. You noticed the email is shorter than usual. This isn’t your typical rote with Mr. Laufeyson.

‘Cleaner to be at standby for guests and cook…’

You glance down the paragraph. You’re to stay until after the ‘event’ so that you may tidy up. Your curiosity sparks but quickly fizzles. It’s best not to be too concerned. Just focus on what you need to do.

You let yourself in but forego the shoe covers and gloves as specified in the email. You hang your hoodie in the closet along with your kit. As you hook the strap of your water bottle over your head, a glimmer passes down the end of the hall and the lighting shifts. You look up as Mr. Laufeyson approaches.

He always dresses finely but he looks particularly put together. His hair is tidy and neat and he wears a velvet jacket in a deep shade of violet over a black collared shirt and matching trousers. His tie is narrow and blends into the fabric of his shirt. He keeps his hands behind him as he holds his chin up.

“I trust you understand your assignment,” he prompts as he stops a foot away, cornering you in the back hallway.

You nod. He tilts his head but his veneer does not break.

“Not that,” he points to the water bottle, “you may ask one of the cook’s assistants for a glass should you require it, but be rid of that ugly thing.”

“Oh–” you gulp back your voice and bow your head again. 

You untangle the trap from your torso and open the closet, tucking it away with your sweater and bag. You shut the door and find him closer than before, his hand on the door frame as he looms over you. His other wanders down the trim of his jacket.

“You are to keep yourself unseen. You tend to messes and that’s it. The rules remain. Are we understood?” He asks.

You look at him and nod. He sighs and stands straight, a deep breath rising in his chest. 

“You may answer aloud so I know we are clear,” he says.

“I understand, Mr. Laufeyson,” you eke out.

“Mmm,” his gaze lingers on you in unreadable consideration. Dressed in plain cotton, you feel wholly insignificant before him. “Go on, you will keep your vigil in the kitchen. They would require most of your assistance.” He backs away and buttons the front of his jacket, “you will not disturb my guests. Not a look, not a word.”

You know your turn to talk is over. You merely nod and he seems pleased by your deference. Not openly, he shows a hint of a smile nor does he praise you. But he is not unhappy and you know that is a feat.

🧹

The cook’s name is Corissa. She has spiraled red hair and pretty gold-green eyes. As you enter, she introduces herself and asks your name.

“I’m just here to clean,” you explain. “So if you need me–”

“Oh, hon, no need ta be shy,” she says in her wolfish voice, “we’re all in this togetha.”

You smile and stand against the wall, waiting to be told what to do next. She gives you a lingering glance but doesn’t comment. You see a question woven in her brow. She begins her work, directing her assistants at saucepan and cutting board alike, all while falling into a raucous rapport.

“Theo say ‘ma, did ya have ta tell that story?’” She cackles midway through a tale you lost track of, her hands moving expertly at her work, “and I say, ‘the gal deserves ta know, ‘specially if ya mean to burden her’.”

You bite into your lower lip. It’s like there’s an invisible wall in front of you. It’s been there your whole life. That one that separates you from others. You’re always on the outside watching. Just like in the schoolyard when the girls wouldn’t let you play with them. Or when your dad has his buddies over and told you to ‘piss off to your room’.

The first course is served on sleek black trays. As you watch the servers carry them out, Corissa calls your name. She makes you lurch in surprise as you’d be convinced you blend right into the plaster.

“Come have a taste,” she insists, “this one’s a bit mussed up.”

“Um, er, it’s okay, I’m not hungry–”

“Bah, come on, have some. I hate ta toss it in the bin.”

You don’t want to argue. That would be rude. So you come forward and accept the crumbly pastry with an ugly tear in the top, the filling bulging out.

“Lobster croquette,” she explains, “you’re not allergic, are ya?”

You shake your head and thank her as you back up to the wall again. You cup your hand under the misshapen ball as you bite into it. You could hum at the taste. It’s delicious and rich and savoury. You’ve never had anything like it. You’ve never even tasted lobster before.

“You like it?” She asks as you swallow your mouthful. You nod. “Quiet one, you.” She points at you.

You don’t answer. What can you say? You are quiet. You finish the croquette and go to dust the crumbs off your hand over the bin. You slide your foot off the pedal and let the lid drop. You take the cloth from your waistband and near the counter, going to work at tidying up the remnants of her work.

“Eh, look at you, busy little bee,” she chuckles, “I was gettin’ ta tha.”

“My job,” you insist.

“Maid,” a snap of the fingers draws your head up as Corissa sprinkles seasoning into a new pan.

Mr. Laufeyson offers only a curled finger. Your eyes round and cross to him, tucking the cloth into your pants again. He’s already striding away as you get to the door. You trail him, uncertain at what he needs. 

He leads you to the dining room, the garble of voices and clinking of glasses preceding your arrival. He enters ahead of you and claims the seat at the head of the table. The serves pass you with empty trays and you gape around in confusion.

“Oh my, look at me,” a woman giggles as she uses a cloth napkin to pat along her collarbone. Thin straps cling to her delicate shoulders as her skin glistens beneath the golden chain strung around her throat, “making a scene already.”

You see the wine glass on its side and hear the contents dripping onto the floor. You put your head down and hurry over. The dinner guests laugh and are quickly onto their next topic, about some coast they plan to vacation at once the summer comes. You try not to eavesdrop as you sop up the puddle of wine on the table and get down to wipe clean the floor.

As you do, you feel a tickle on the back of your neck. You don’t let it stop you. It must be an accident. You’re so cramped between the woman’s seat and the next that you must be in the way. The fingertips remain and brush more firmly as you hear a low, gritty exhale. 

You ball up the damped cloth and stand, daring a glance at the man as he draws his hand back into his lap. His broad shoulders make the back of the tall chair seem small and his blonde hair is twisted into a low tight bun. He guffaws loudly at the table, seemingly unfazed by his own wandering touch. It must’ve been an accident.

You back up and peer towards the head of the table. Laufeyson’s eyes are slits as he stares in your direction. Surely, he’s not watching you. You’re supposed to be unseen. Get out of there.

You retreat quickly, the din thundering louder and louder at your back, rumbling behind you into the hall. You wring the cloth, now stained and stinking of wine. You hope you didn’t upset Mr. Laufeyson, you only did as you were told.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend after uncovering his web of lies?

Ok. I’m going to try keep this as short as possible, and there’s some things I’ll keep out because I don’t want to accidentally reveal our identities. I (31, m) just broke up with my partner (35,m) of 3 years. We met on an app during Covid, and lived together for 2 and a half years of that. I truly loved him, he was a challenging person which sometimes led to fiery arguments that I hadn’t experienced in past relationships, but he also pushed me to feel more comfortable with confrontation and conflict which I needed. He was also really ambitious and supported my ambitions; I’ve had 3 promotions since we got together and I wouldn’t have dared to go for them if it hadn’t been for his encouragement. Basically, on the surface it all seemed really great.

That is until I discovered he had lied about his entire past - and some of his present. It all started when I stumbled across pics of “his home” online and discovered they were a museum (he claimed to be from a wealthy background). I asked him and he said it was to protect his family’s identity and swore there were no more lies.

I have never met his family, nor talked to them on the phone - they are in another country and he claimed they were old fashioned and wanted to meet in person, but Covid was in the way at first, and then his mum was unwell. After discovering the pictures were a lie, I started to really think about other stories he’d told me and what evidence I really had for them. The more I thought, the more I realised things didn’t add up.

A few examples: his mum and dad both apparently had high profile jobs but I couldn’t find anything about them online; he claimed to be from money but wouldn’t buy himself a car and borrowed mine; he claimed to have a brother my age but I couldn’t find any social media of his.

There was a lot more, but that was enough to make me question whether there were more lies. I asked him a few weeks later why I couldn’t find anything about his parents online, and asked to be introduced to his brother on social media. I told him that this felt like the most normal thing that would happen in relationships - I was very clear that I didn’t want to test him, I just wanted some contact with someone who knew him before I did. He said it wasn’t possible because he was more distant from his family than he’d led me to believe, due to childhood abuse that his parents had refused to acknowledge. I’m also a survivor of childhood abuse so this touched a nerve and the conversation shifted to me wanting to support him and make him know I believed him.

Anyway. Fast forward another two months and nothing has changed. Tonight, it came to a head in a discussion where he wanted to get rid of my favourite chair in order to make room for a new TV. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with this because I felt insecure in the relationship as nothing had been resolved. I went over my concerns again and suddenly his whole tone shifted. He asked if I was “ready for the truth” and asked me not to share it with anyone.

The truth turned out to be very different from everything he’d said over the past 3 years. Whether it is the truth, I don’t know, but he claimed that his mum was actually a drug addict and he hadn’t known his dad until he was 18, he was removed by child services at 14 and the character he created as his mum to me was based on the woman he lived with during that time. He never studied abroad as he had first claimed, and a whole load of other lies. The worst lie was that his mum had cancer - the reason why we couldn’t visit because she didn’t want him to see her while she was weak (this made sense with the strong character her created for her). It turns out apparently the woman who took him in died from cancer when he was 18 and he based it on that. Now, I don’t even know how much of this is true, but it feels closer to the truth than the original stories. The thing is, he’s cried on me about his mums cancer, and he’s told my mum about it (a cancer survivor), and regularly talks about it in detail. In fact, all his stories have had incredible detail - which is what made us all believe them.

Now, here’s where I may be the arsehole. After he confessed all of this, I said I can’t be in a relationship with him because I can’t trust him. But he took a big step in admitting it all to me and he’s clearly very unwell if he is lying on this scale. He clearly has had a traumatic past and he told me that his lies were because any time he opens up to people about his past he loses them. I worry that by breaking up with him, I’m reinforcing this cycle where he feels he has to lie to be loved. The thing is - none of what he told me in any of this was the reason why I love him. I didn’t care where he came from, or his claims of wealth, etc. I just liked who he was as a person. I really feel torn because on the one hand he is clearly in need of help, stability and love in order to heal himself so that he doesn’t feel the need to lie. On the other hand, I can’t foresee being able to trust him in the near future. So, AITA for breaking up with someone who is so desperately in need of love and support?

What are these acronyms?

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Yk, I've been thinking of Eddie's traumas and rather obvious Compulsory Heterosexuality-settings, and how it's influencing his life choices. How it's stopping buddie from happening.

I think where Eddie is at, mentally... Is a sort of in-between place between denial and acceptance. I think he knows he isn't straight. I think he may even have an idea of his feelings for Buck.

I think he also thinks that none of it matters. Cannot matter.

Not necessarily due to internalized homophobia. Don't get me wrong, I think there's also some of that going on - his upbringing was obviously quite traditional. I think he feels like being anything other than straight has never been an option, not for him. There's this expectation to be a catholic macho man, to marry a woman, to bring in the bread instead of really being someone who is solely responsible for parenting.

Even though he has queer friends, I think that he looks at them from the outside thinking "Good for them. I support them. I love them. That can't be my life though. I don't have that option."

This feeling of "not an option", I think, has been sort of... Where Eddie has drifted by no choice, and now he cannot imagine changing course.

It's about Chris and about Eddie's traumas. It started with Chris. He and Shannon were very young and the pregnancy was an accident. Eddie's upbringing was all about "be a man!" so Eddie tried to be a man. Take responsibility. He proposed to Shannon, tried to step into those big man shoes. It was hard. He struggled. Ran.

His desperate attempt to escape was another one that veered him more and more towards those "must be straight" settings.

He enlisted in the army, went to a warzone. That environment... Obviously further enforced these macho man settings. Must fit in.

Then, the traumas. Losing his army friends. Losing Shannon. Grief.

I think these events had a hugely repressive impact on Eddie. He'd loved these people, they were some of the closest human bonds he had. And then they were just... Gone. No warning. All of them young. Dead. Just like that.

I think these repeated sudden losses made him terrified of forming new bonds. You could not trust them to stay.

So it was safer to avoid getting close to anyone like that again. Love terrified him now, getting invested in anyone terrified him.

Obviously, he could not stop himself from loving Chris. In fact, Chris was now his entire focus.

And Eddie was scared. He needed to do this right, to be a good dad. Make sure that Chris had a good, stable childhood and would grow up to be a stable, happy adult.

But there were already so many things that were going against that - Chris thriving.

Chris was born with special needs. Eddie had freaked out and abandoned him. Then he'd returned... And Shannon had abandoned Chris. Then Eddie had uprooted them by moving. Then Christopher's mother died. And the only parent he had left was Eddie, with a job that could kill him any day.

So many earthshakes already in Christopher's life.

So it was essential that nothing else would make his childhood any harder.

Now, how could Eddie make sure that Christopher had a normal life? By finding Christopher a new mother figure. Obviously.

Because what Eddie needed... It wasn't important. All that mattered was Chris. Stepmother would provide stability.

If the idea of a relationship with a man ever entered Eddie's mind? Not an option.

It might make Christopher's life more difficult. It might be hard for Chris. What if people picked on him for having two dads? Unacceptable idea. He couldn't add more hardship to his son's life.

So a relationship with a man... Was not an option for Eddie. Could not be.

And anyway, Eddie did not even want to be with anyone he could love.

Love was terrifying. Love... You couldn't trust it. Love abandoned you. Love meant grief.

So... Even if there was someone in Eddie's life that he was drawn to? Buck.

Must suppress the idea. Ignore it. Not an option.

In so many ways. Buck was a man. Straight. Had a dangerous job. Buck could die any day.

Eddie had already almost seen it happen.

So the idea of getting any more closer to Buck was a terrifying one.

And anyway, not even an option. Buck dated women. Buck was straight.

.....

So. This is what I think Eddie's mind looks like... So far.

This is also why I'm so fucking excited about Buck dating a man and coming out!!!

I think this will be the perfect trigger for eventually turning buddie into a canon couple.

Buck coming out and dating a man will make Eddie see that hey... Christopher would be perfectly capable handling the potential stress of growing up with two dads.

We already know that Chris adores Buck. He's also super impressed with Tommy. They're his heroes, Buck is one of his favorite, closest people.

And Chris has grown up around queer people!! Hen, Karen. Their rainbow family. Which is doing perfectly fine.

I think Eddie needs to see and realise that. He needs to see Chris hanging out with out and proud queer men whom he idolizes.

Eddie also needs to see Buck with a man. And realise that the idea of him and Buck ISN'T an impossible, sad fever dream... Because turns out that there's potential. Buck isn't straight!! Buck dates men. Eddie could date men, too...

And Eddie needs to realise that he cannot avoid pain by trying to keep his distance. Pining for Buck, seeing him with another man, will be torture as well.

Also, Buck won't quit his dangerous job. Eddie won't quit his dangerous job. That won't change no matter what their relationship is like.

So there really is no good reason to not make that leap, and pursue Buck if there is any chance that the feelings might be mutual. If Buck is single again.

And yes. It's scary. He might still lose Buck any day... But life is short. And being just Buck's friend would not halt the grief... How could it? Eddie already loves him.

[fuck-customers]

It's almost sad that when I tell my regulars I only make $14.50 an hour at a job where I do professional level graphic design and print work, they all get shocked and say I should be making more (I work at a locally owned print shop, and I love the job for the most part, I just hate how I'm rushed and hate certain clients).

WcDonads employees make more than I do. Gas station employees around here make more than I do. And I honestly feel quite jipped because I was told to go to college. Get a degree. Find a job in the field I go to school for and I'll be set (I'm one of those "zillenials," too young to be a millenial but too old to be gen z). Some people say i should be thankful, $14.50 is a lot, but cost of living where I'm at is at least $20/hr. Granted, my college is completely paid for so I don't have student loans to worry about and I'm happy I have graphic design and photography experience. But when I'm at work and I feel the bald patch from where my hair has been falling out from stress from workload, it makes me feel like I was tricked.

I'm so conflicted. Like I said. I like this job. When things aren't busy it's wonderful. But those are becoming fewer and farther between where stuff has completely reopened from Covid and more people want printing for events and sales.

And I've met wonderful people! And learned about small businesses in my community I would have never known about otherwise! I love getting to make nice designs and print beautiful art every day. One of my current friends I've met copying her artwork for her! My gifts to my family have been photo prints and even signs for my dad's workshop that I've gotten printed at a discount and they're all loved so much. And I don't have to wear a uniform - jeans and a t-shirt of my choice every day!

But I've also been yelled at over small shit like maps not being printed on time, or how the color on a flyer isn't as "vibrant as it is on screen," or told to hurry up on a yard sign that someone decided they needed today rather than next week, or have a someone chew me out because I haven't even had time to print three sheets of mailing labels because I've had to hold the hand of a very picky woman who wants her rental guest book to look "just right" yet can't be assed to learn how to use a computer on her own. I've had packages thrown at me when I've said people need to pay to ship them. People getting mad over $.20 black and white copies and $.49 color copies. People saying they're going to get their business cards from PistaVrint because it's cheaper. People come to us and act like we're tech support - "Why is my computer not opening Wicrosoft Mord?! Why is my email not sending?! Why is my phone doing this?!" Like I don't know! Take it to Bye Best!

My manager hardly gets paid any more than I do and she's been with the business for almost 30 years and drives an hour each day to come to work. I only got bumped to $14.50 after my boss overheard I was interviewing at a college print shop that would have paid me $18 an hour. He couldn't even wage match! And I didn't even get the job.

I don't have funds to move to another location where I could find a better paying job in my field, nor would I want to as my family and community are here.

There is a pillow factory here I never knew about. They're hiring various positions starting at $19 an hour. Evenings and weekends mostly off, only needed to work if they need to fill a very large order. My friend started there this week and while she says she's physically tired, the environment seems nice so far and I'm so burnt out here that I've already asked her if she can get a word in for me to start there. More pay? And way less customer interaction? I could do that! But it sucks that I feel like abandoning what I like to do because of my pay grade and the stress I feel. I wish it was all different.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[andesmints94]

Smiling Friends aside, what are some of your other favorite cartoons?

I'm getting into Regular Show. I like it even if most of the characters have the same kinda face. I've watched Adventure Time and Fiona and Cake I love both of those shows and would like to see Fiona and Cake again. LSP in that series is funny. I'm still in season 3? of Amphibia. I love it even if I feel season 1 was kinda dull but idk maybe that's just cause I love when the bigger over-arcing plot comes in. I've watched Owl House (yet another one I plan to rewatch with my sis). I have seen Gravity Falls and thinks it's kinda funny that universe is connected to both Amphibia and Owl House's worlds. But that's probably getting into spoilerific territory. I've also watched Steven Universe as you may know, I will probably watch it again because I'm still having a hard time remembering Future. IDK why it seems I forget about SU a lot? I also have seen OK KO which I thought was excellent. I love the jokes in it and how it's both lighthearted but also very action packed. I also plan to watch Craig of the Creek (I have seen some episodes and from what I've seen it seems like a fun adventure)... Oh and a lot more gorey-stuff, Metalocalypse. Although I'm really bummed out about getting a HBO Max subscription only to find out that it was taken down... so unfortunately I have to pirate it... with lesser quality and NO LYRICS. It's a bit disheartening honestly. I mean the show, yeah. But it's fun to see the fun antics of the boys in the band just dicking around. Like, yeah unfortunately it's just kinda one of those shows I put on for background noise sometimes lol. Because I'm not much for the gorey aspect of it, or flashing subliminal messages. On a side note, I'm glad that Dana Snyder got a role in Smiling Friends. I haven't really seen much Hunger Team Aqua Force but it surely is an acid bath that feels kinda nice. Like, idk what other way to describe it. I've also seen a smidge of Super Jail but WOAH NELLY I'm not sure I'm ready yet. Rick and Morty I've watched and really want to rewatch but IDK if this means that if I watch it on Hulu/Max if Justin Roiland is going to get subsidies checks every episode he's in. I think the new voice actors are doing a great job and I'm glad that Justin was replaced. I've also been watching Solar Opposites. That one I feel is a bit more lighthearted than Rick and Morty for some reason and I'm not sure why that might be. Maybe it's Terry's happy attitude? idk. Yumulac reminds me of Young Sheldon (a live action show I have heard of and haven't watched much of I KNOW I DON'T JUST WATCH CARTOONS SHOCKING!!) ... Anyways I'm not sure about investing in MLP anymore just because I really enjoyed gen 4 but ffs I do not want to support Tara Strong anymore and for shame. She voiced a lot of cool characters. I was a big brony back when it came out, or pegasister, whatever... Also Also... Egoraptor/ Arin Hanson in Owl House just made my heart do flips. Like I looked up to him for a while and wanted to make animations of my own but I'm not sure what animation to make yet. Probably smiling friends stuff?? idk maybe just a reel of some sort. I'm sure I'll think of something (rambling at this point...) Ah dang... I forgot to mention that I watched a lot of Simpsons on cable with my family when my Dad was still alive so it kind of holds a special place in my heart, even if I don't or haven't really watched the newer seasons. Futurama holds a special place in my heart because me and my sister watched it when we were both going to college. So funny how time works. Disenchantment was pretty great too. It doesn't need to be any longer. Love a great sapphic story. Everything else about that show too. Now that I'm thinking about it, that whole world reminds me of the Enchanted Forest in Smiling Friends. Heh. Futurama didn't really need to come back recently, I don't think I've even seen all the episodes. BUT Animaniacs did their reboot better. The anime-style episode was top-knotch.

[fandomworld9728]

The Life of the Morningstars - Chapter 10:

oh fuck. No. Nononono! If he liked that bastard's scent, then things were about to get very interesting. When was the last time he had been attracted to someone's scent? There was Adam, Lilith, and his human. Yeah, that was about it. So over 200 years and now a fourth scent is added to that list. Though, it didn't seem to have any effect on his body or mental and emotional state so it should be fine. For now, anyways. Now Lucifer had another issue.

He had to get along with Alastor. A confident, powerful alpha. Just the role model Charlie needed. A good role model could also be a good parent- nope! Not going down that road! Maybe his scent was messing with him. Shaking his head, Lucifer gave a nervous laugh and small tug of his collar. "Sorry about that. Sometimes I tend to lash out around alphas. Especially when my pup is present. I-Is it hot in here?"

Giving a small hum at the unexpected apology, Alastor cocked his head to the side to observe the man in front of him. For an absent parent, he seemed rather protective of his daughter. Not to mention how he spoke. Around alphas and not around other alphas. How curious. "Yes. Well, it can't be helped, I'm sure. Not all of us have a tight rein on our instincts."

"Right. It's nice to know that Charlie has an alpha to look up to now. After her mother left that kind of... became difficult to find. Love my two siblings dearly but they are not what I would call the best role models individually. And all the time. Too much of them is not a good thing. And I'm rambling..." He was truly and utterly fucked.

"Isn't it your job to be the role model?"

What? "What? I did raise her, but I don't think I'm the best example of a strong and confident alpha."

Strong? Naturally thanks to his powers. Confident? When he needed to be. Come on, he was an awkward and depressed mess most of the time. Lucifer made sure to teach his daughter not to take shit from other demons (or anyone for that matter) and how to be a loving and caring person. Though, she came by that naturally so there wasn't much to teach there. 

"Anyways! Before you two start to bicker again... Dad. Look at this lovely parlor where people can get to know each other and share secrets, and stories, and intimate feelings!" 

Lucifer loved seeing how happy and excited Charlie was about her dream. He was already starting to feel better. Just look at that smile, listen to the joy in her voice.

"Without Alastor, we wouldn't have been able to pretty it up this much."

"Charlie has a very unique vision. I am happy to fulfill her bizarre requests." 

"Oh. Thank you, Alastor."

Lucifer didn't know what this guy was trying to pull. Nothing. He's just being there for Charlie. But seeing his hand on his pup's shoulder was making his blood boil. She wasn't his daughter. He shouldn't be touching her. The omega knew that Charlie trusted this man and there wasn't any intent to harm in his scent, eyes, or body language. But Lucifer couldn't shake that ever present voice shouting at him to make the other stop touching her. Stoptouchinghisdaughterlikeshe'syours-

Clearing his throat to try and hide the growl that tried to escape, Lucifer moved past the two so they could continue the tour and introductions. Holding himself back from acting on all the alarm bells ringing in his head (he knew he could be an overprotective mother hen at the best of times) was draining him. He was gonna need a nap soon. "That's good to know. I'm glad she has a good support system here. Charlie, could you introduce me to your other friends?"

"Oh! Yes, of course." Quickly grabbing her partner, Charlie was excited to finally introduce her to her dad. "This is Vaggie. She's my girlfriend."

Girlfriend. Lucifer knew this day might come after the talk they had after the disaster of a breakup her and Seviathan had. Good for her! Getting herself back out there and finding someone she absolutely adored. He could see it when she looked at the shorter girl and the warmth in her voice when spoke about her. Smiling, Lucifer shook her hand before hugging her a bit too excitedly. 

"It's nice to meet you Mag- uh Vaggie! Sorry I'm terrible with names. She's so pretty." 

"Lovely to meet you, uh, sir..."

Poor thing seemed just as nervous and awkward as himself. Maybe that's something they could bond over? He'll worry about that later. One of the main things on his mind right now though was the fact that this angel was missing her halo. What happened? Did Charlie know? Did any of them know? If not, Lucifer could understand, being a fallen angel himself. He'd have to talk with her about in private.

"And this is Sir Pentious and Angel Dust, our guests."

"Your majesty!"

"Hey there short king~"

A high strung and goof of a snake inventor and a flirty, cookie stealing, porn star spider huh? His daughter's pack sure was going to be an interesting one. At least there's variety and didn't seem like it would get too boring around here anytime soon. He couldn't really judge. His best friend was an imp who assassinates humans for profit. And is sleeping with Stolas. Not a thought he wanted to linger on. 

"Husk is our bartender and Niffty is our housekeeper."

"Nice to meet you."

Before he could greet the four, the one named Niffty (who might become his favorite because now he was no longer the shortest one in the room), had climbed up him. Huh. Her scent was pleasant even with the odd undertone of blood to it. She also seemed to be the only beta here. 

"Hello. I clean." What an odd kind of crazy laugh she had...

Handing the small cyclopes off to Charlie, Lucifer walked around a bit to really take in the place. Or he would have, if not two steps in the chandelier had fallen down on him.

"Oh shit- Dad!" 

< Previous

Next >

[greazyfloz]

Lovers & Strangers - Chapter 22

Previous

 The next morning, Mark left to go to class, and I started to gather my stuff together as my parents walked into the room. I told them my decision, on how I decided that I wanted to be discharged that I would just do the therapy recommendations.  I could tell my parents didn’t agree, but they decided to support me anyway.

After telling the doctor and finally being discharged, I made my way down to my parents rental and we left the hospital lot together. As we were driving the empathetic period wore off for my parents and they became very questioning of my previous actions.

“ how long have you been doing drugs?” my mother asks

“ how long have you been screwing Ethan?“ my father asks, “ does your boyfriend, know you’ve been screwing his best friend and your best friend?” he continued.

“ why do you drink so much?” my mother asks

The questions went on and on and on and I finally had enough. I looked through the duffle bag that Mark brought me that was full of my stuff and began digging through looking for earphones.

“ what are you looking for?” my mother asked and she turned around to look at me in the backseat

“ ear phones”

“ no, we’re asking you questions. And you haven’t given us very good answers”

“ maybe I don’t know the answer. I don’t really feel like being questioned right now.”

I couldn’t find any headphones, so I just turned and looked out the window. My mother turned back around giving up on asking me questions, and we all just sit in silence. the silence didn’t last very long though, before my mother turned back around.

“you know I really don’t think you should’ve been discharged today. If the doctor thinks that’s the best thing for you is to be admitted then we should’ve listened. Then you should’ve listened.“ my mother somewhat lectures me. But she doesn’t wait for my answer. She turns right back around as we continue driving.

When we arrive to my house, my father pulls the car into the driveway and I see that Ethan is already there. I can see his figure still sitting in his car and he doesn’t get out until we all get out of my parents rental.

“ hello Ethan” my father says to Ethan has he approaches us

“ hey” Ethan says back, looking at both my mother and my father. We all walk into my house together and of course my roommates are there. They act pleasant though, putting on an act for my parents. They soon had to head off to class, so it’s just an empty house with me, my parents and Ethan.

“ so since you will have to be going to these meetings until the end of the month, Ethan agreed that he would stay longer so you weren’t lonely” my mother says

“ but you guys wont be in the same house together” my father starts then looks over at Ethan, “ do you understand?”

Ethan nods his head at my father and looks over at me, “ I know Mark is also staying until the end of the month as well. I know you can’t come to Tampa, but you can call-“

“oh, no worries. We will be staying here for another week or so.” my mother interrupts.

“ why? don’t you have a job?” I asked my mother.

“ watch the attitude.“ my dad raises his voice at me, “we could’ve pulled you from the school immediately when we heard the stunt you pulled“

“whatever, I’m going to my room. Enjoy your lovely vacation in Ann Arbour Michigan.” I said, with slight attitude, as I stand up and make my way up the stairs to my room

As I get upstairs, I slam the door hard behind me and make my way into my bed. it wasn’t even 30 seconds later that I hear a knock on the door.

“ can I come in?” I hear Ethan say quietly on the other side of the door

“ it’s not locked” I grumble inside of my pillow.

The door opens, and Ethan sits on the bed, looking down at my body with my face in my pillow. I feel him rub my back, and let out a soft sigh.

“ your parents just wanna watch you for the week to see how you behave” Ethan starts, “ My parents told me this morning, so don’t say that I said anything because I’m not supposed to. but it’s basically to see if they’re gonna let you come back next year” he whispers.

I slowly turn over so I can look at Ethan, and he smiles at me softly before seeing my confused expression on my face.

“why do they keep threatening to pull me out of the school and why don’t they just do it already?” I say to him

“because you prove them wrong once, you can prove them wrong again”

I smile at Ethan finally as he smiles back at me. I sit up on the side of the bed beside him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, bringing me in for a side hug.

“ well“ Ethan says before standing up, “I should go down and entertain your guests” Ethan says, making me laugh.

“ I guess I’ll come down to” I say, standing up and following Ethan back downstairs where my parents are.

I sit in the living room and just listen to the conversation between Ethan and my parents not really wanting to talk to them. The conversation of course is about hockey or about Ethan’s parents and things that we’ve missed out on since we aren’t home. Finally around an hour later, my father stands up.

“ well, I’m starved. Let’s go get something to eat.”

“ I think I’ll stay.” I say, but quickly coming up with something else so they didn’t think I was giving them an attitude. “Mark said he would be coming over after class, so I’m gonna stay and wait for him” I say.

“ well, why don’t we pick him up and he can come to” my mother suggests and Ethan looks over at me questioningly.

“ Okay, fine. I’ll text him and tell him we will pick him up”

After picking mark up, and having an awkward car ride, sitting in the backseat of a small car between Mark and Ethan, we finally made our way to the restaurant. We all got out, and Mark walked beside me, reaching down to grab my hand, but I shrugged him off to avoid any awkwardness between Mark, Ethan, and I. I look at him and smile apologetically, then look over in Ethan's direction. I couldn’t read the expression on his face on whether he was upset or not.

Lunch was fine and went by faster than I thought and before we knew it, I was back sitting in the car beside Ethan and Mark. This time when my parents drop me off, they didn’t come in with me, only Ethan and Mark. Ethan left 15 minutes after we all went back to my place as he wanted to take a nap before hockey practice.

“ I’m so sorry I really wanted this day to be just us“ I say to Mark, as we are lying on my couch. He leans down and press is his lips on my forehead planting a kiss.

“ don’t worry about it, we're alone now“ he says, then smiles, “you can come over tonight if you want. I know in the morning I’m gonna have to go to practice and then hop on a plane so if you want to spend the night, that’s more than alright. Actually, I want you to stay the night.”

“ Mark I-“ I start, then swallow, “ it’s just that Ethan’s there and-“

“ well, you’re gonna have to stay over eventually. He’s always going to be there. He's my roommate. I just want my girlfriend to spend the night with me.” Mark says slightly upset.

“ my parents are still in town, and with everything that just happened over the weekend. Maybe you should just come here for the night” 

“ fine” Mark says, but I can tell he’s slightly annoyed. 

We both lay on the couch and finish watching the movie before Mark gets up and makes his way to the door. I follow and press a kiss on his lips before he leaves for practice.

As he was at practice, my parents took me to get groceries and then came back to my apartment to cook dinner for my roommates and I and even made leftovers for Mark for when he comes by later.

After dinner with my roommates and my parents, Beth announced that she was going to the library, and my other roommate agreed that she would go to. 

“ that sounds great, y/n you should tag along long too” my mother says before looking at Beth, “ I don’t mean to invite her, but I think it would be good for her. Is it alright if she comes?” my mother asks.

“ yeah sure”

“ Okay, sure. Just let me go grab my stuff and then we can go to the library.” I say, standing up and taking my and my parents dishes to the sink before going to my room to collect my belongings.

On my way down the stairs I text Mark letting him know where I am and hug my parents goodbye and telling them I’ll see them tomorrow. I make my way to Beth’s car and we drive to the library together. 

It was boring. And I still don’t like my roommates, but they are smart. We are in a lot of the same classes together so I figure I might as well get some help while I can. After an hour of being there, my phone buzzes, and I looked down to see Mark’s name on my phone.

“ I’m sorry I need to take this“ I say, standing from the table without waiting for their approval and making my way out into the hallway.

“ hey baby!” I say excitedly into my phone after answering

“ hey, you still studying?” Mark asks.

“ yes, but I’ll ditch them if you have something more fun in mind” I say, seductively through the phone

“Hmmm” Mark hums, “ I have a couple of things in mind“

“ oh yeah?”

“ no spoilers though”

“ Okay, well, I got a drive here with Beth so I’m going to have to walk home”

“ no, just walk over to Yost. I’ll ask Holtzy if he can drive us to yours since you live close to him” 

“ Okay, can’t wait to see you handsome”

“ I’m more excited to see you beautiful“ mark says back, and I can hear whipping sounds in the background from the boys mocking him. I laugh.

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few”

I Hang up the phone and go back into the library to collect my stuff and let the two girls know that I would be heading back home with Mark. They told me they may be a couple more hours and I told him I’d leave the door unlocked for them before making my way over to Yost and meeting my boyfriend.

Later, Mark and I made it back to my place and headed upstairs to my room. I walk over to my bed as Mark shuts the door behind him, but grabs my waist before I can make it.

“ where do you think you’re going?“ mark says, turning me around to face him

“ my bed“ I say back with a smug smile

“ before giving me a kiss?”

I look up at Mark and stand on my tippy toes, and Mark leans down, slightly to press his lips onto mine. Our kiss was passionate and I didn’t want it to end. When I pulled away and looked at him, I didn’t get the same urge that I usually do to rip all of his clothes off, I just wanted to lay his arms

“ do you want to take a bath?” He asks me and I smile.

“ of course” I say, “ get it all started and I’ll meet you in there” 

Mark leaves my room, and I turn and strip down covering myself with a bathrobe, then grab my iPad and make my way into the bathroom. By the time I get to the bathroom, Mark is already lying inside of the tub waiting for my arrival. 

I take my bathrobe off and Mark licks his lips watching. I put a towel on the toilet and positioned the iPad on the other side of where Mark is lying in the tub before stepping inside. I sit between Mark’s legs and lean my back against his chest before Mark presses a kiss on the side of my head. we lay in the bathtub, occasionally looking at each other for a quick kiss, or a short make out session as we watch the movie playing on my iPad.

“ can I tell you something?“ Mark says to me, and I look up at him and see a serious look on his face. I smile at him.

“ anything” I say to him

“ I’m in love with you“ he blurts making me swallow, hard, and then turning and looking straight at the other end of the top where the iPad is. I was not expecting that, and I didn’t know how to answer. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t of said that. but- and I know it’s soon but I can’t help it. I’m in love with you.”

“Mark-“ I start, then clear my throat, “it’s just so soon. I don’t know if I can say it back. but I really really do like you, Mark and can potentially see myself loving you but-“

“ no buts, your answer was good enough for me” mark says, and I turned to look up at him, and he smiles down at me. His smile is so contagious I can’t help but smile back.

“ thank you” I say

“ for what?”

“ being the only person that can love me especially with everything that’s been going on. I feel like I ruined everything and everyone’s lives.”

I hear Mark sigh. But he doesn’t say anything. Instead, we stay lying in each others arms watching the movie on my iPad.

After we are done in the bathtub. We both get out and get ready for bed. Mark just put boxers on and makes his way into my bed, while I pull over the shirt he was just wearing earlier today over my head, wearing that as my PJs, before making my way in beside him.

“ are you happy that you chose me? do you feel like you made the right decision I mean” Mark asked me as I’m cuddled up into his arms

“ why do you keep asking me this? Why do you think that I’d rather be with Ethan?”

“ I don’t know, I feel like I’m the one that got in the way and that you actually wanna be with him. I just can’t compete with the guy. Sorry not compete I mean- I just- I- I’m not him. There’s still so much about you that I don’t know and it freaks me out that he knows everything, you guys are so close I mean really close.. “ he says, rolling his eyes before continuing again, “ I just don’t want things to get rough and you feeling like I wont be able to be there for you like Ethan is”

I don’t look up at Mark, but just lay there and process my thoughts, but Mark continues, “ I know telling you that I am in love with you freaks you out, but-“

“ Ethan also told me he loved me this week” I said, cutting him off, “this is just too much for me. I just want to be happy in the moment with you and I don’t wanna think about Ethan in our relationship. why does he matter so much that you constantly have to bring him up? our relationship is with me and you mark. that’s all I want it to be you were the only person for me” I say, slightly annoyed, but trying to reassure him

“ he does matter, though. Because he matters to you.”

“ mark please. I’m done with this conversation if you feel like you need to bring him up again then leave because I’m done” I say, annoyed, “ I just wanted this night, just me and you. But fuck Mark you just can’t stop with this whole Ethan shit. He told me that he loved me and I chose you. do you know how many factors pointed to Ethan but my heart still chose you. Ethan is basically a stranger to me now because I chose you. but I don’t regret it.”

“okay” mark says. that’s all Mark says. I continue to lay in his arms, but the conversation just stops. he wants to talk about nothing else. 

After about 30 minutes of us both sitting in silence playing on our phones, I try to bring up a new subject as we lay in the silence, trying to eliminate the awkwardness.

“ so, frozen four”

“ Yep, I can’t wait to get there. it’s so crazy, the only thing that could make it better is if you were there too”

His answer is reassuring that he is no longer thinking of the Ethan topic that we just argued about.

“ make it to the finals, and maybe I can find my way down”

“ yeah? That would be a dream come true”

“ no, all your dreams will come true when you get that trophy“

“ I’ll be upset if we don’t get it but I already got a trophy” he says, and I look up at him to smile, and he smiles back as he leans and presses his lips to mine.

“well, we should go to sleep now” I say, pulling away from the kiss, “you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow“

[rubix-writings]

Punisher Pt. 15

Fifteenth part of Punisher. 

This is a Chicago PD/Fire imagine with an original character. I don’t own any of the plot points or characters from the show. Also, it doesn’t follow any particular season or sequence in the shows.

Series Summary: Josephine (Jo) never expected to find support and pure love when she left Los Angeles. She ran away to Chicago and was content with living an insignificant, hidden life. But everything changes when she walks into Molly’s to get a job.

Josephine (OC) x Jay Halstead

The italicized lines are internal thoughts of the character.

Warnings: mentions nightmares, PTSD, stalking

“It’s only been a week Jo, you don’t have to go back. Hermann and Stella made it very clear to take all the time you need,” Jay sits on the bed watching me grab clothing for my shift at the bar. 

“Jay being here isn’t helping me either. You’re back at work and I just sit here with my thoughts. It’s doing more harm than being back.” “I can get the day off tomorrow, why don’t you take one more day and I’ll go with you?” I walk over to Jay and rest my hands on his shoulders. This man has done everything in his power to help me work through my endured trauma. It doesn’t matter if its holding me after a nightmare, talking me back to reality when my mind drifts off, or just touching me so I know I’m not alone. 

“I can’t sit here another day, the longer I stay away from the bar the more it becomes evil and scary,” I cup the side of his face and run a finger over his stubble which has gotten a bit long over the last few days. “Thank you for your offer, but I have to do this. Hermann and Stella will both be there. I’m sure Kelly and a few of the guys will be there too.”

Jay kisses my palm quickly. 

“Call me if you need anything, okay? And you’re still healing and will be for a while so light work.”

“Okay dad,” I laugh. Jay rolls his eyes before standing to kiss me. I thought it would be a quick peck but it’s slow and methodical. When I look into his eyes after I could tell he was just as nervous as I was about going back to the bar. “It’ll be okay,” I reassure. 

“I know,” his voice is quiet. He kisses my forehead before walking to pack up the last items for work. 

****

Luckily, Jay was able to go into work late so he could go with me to the bar. I kept trying to tell him it was unnecessary, but once I saw it I realized I was very wrong. Jay grabbed my bag and my hand and together we crossed the sidewalk to the door of Molly’s. The outside of it seems different now, almost as if there is a fog around Molly’s. I had been trying to detach myself from Molly’s and all the events that happened that I might have made it the monster in my story. 

“Hey, you got this,” Jay whispers. His deep blue eyes bring me back, like a light glow within the darkness.

“Jo!” Stella yells as she walks closer to Molly’s. Stella, another light in the darkness. “God, I’ve missed you.” She hugs me gently once she’s close enough. 

Now between two of my best friends, it feels easier to breathe. 

“I’ve missed you too Stella. Thanks for filling in for me.”

“No need for thanking, I’m gonna head in. Take all the time you need,” It’s obvious that she means every word.

“We’ll follow you in actually,” once again in between my two best friends I walk through the threshold of Molly’s. 

“Hey ladies!” Hermann yells behind the bar. A quick flash of Rob taking multiple swigs of whiskey while throwing around his gun flashes through my mind, “Jo do you think you’d be able to help me with receipts today?” Hermann’s voice breaks through the memory.

“Yeah absolutely,” I let go of Jay’s hand for the first time to go to the office and drop off my stuff. When I come back Stella is taking the chairs down and wiping down the tables. Hermann and Jay are talking in hushed tones over the bar counter, no doubt about me. 

“Jay, you should get to work. I’m not having Voight on my ass for you being later than you already are,” I joke as I near the two. 

“Call me if you need anything, even if it’s just to talk, okay? And seriously take it easy, your stitches and ribs are still healing,” Jay babbles. 

“We’ll make sure she barely lifts a finger,” Hermann interjects. 

“See? We’re good. I’ll keep you updated,” Jay hesitates before kissing my temple and saying his goodbyes. Once Jay is out of the bar a panic sits in my stomach, but I move to help Hermann. 

“Jo, a scotch on the rocks and red wine for booth 5,” Stella passes along. I quickly pour the drinks and move to deliver them to the correct table. My legs immediately halt when it registers what the booth is. It’s the same booth I cried for Jay, where I began to mourn a man that thought I was responsible for his imminent murder. The same booth I was beaten into submission, where I came to terms with my own looming death.

“Jo, I got it,” Kelly appears and grabs the glasses from my hands to take them to the table. I can feel my face growing hot from embarrassment and frustration. I begrudgingly walk back to the bar and start to clean glasses. I try to be gentle even though I’d much rather scream and shatter the glasses against the far wall. 

“There’s been a few times we’ve had to go back to places after rescues. Not all of our fires are at homes or warehouses. I’ve had to go to a fire at my doctor’s office once,” Matt talks to me. 

“Matt, I’m sorry, but I’m really not in the mood.”

“Just hear me out, I promise it’s going somewhere,” he smiles. “The fire at my doctor’s office was bad, one of my first really bad fires. There were multiple casualties, the roof was caving in, we almost lost some of our team. When it came time to go back, I didn’t think much of it. But when I walked through the door all I could see was the fire and all I could think about were the people we almost lost and those we did. I walked out, I couldn’t stay. Later, Mouch had told me that if I continued to avoid the places we had bad fires at, then I’ll have no where to go. He told me that when I think of the painful memories to think of ones that bring me joy. For example, I met my then girlfriend at that doctor’s office, she was a drug rep. Long story short, there is a lot of happiness and good in this bar, a lot of joy around you here. I can’t begin to relate to what happened to you here. We’re all here for you and even if that’s to bring up a good memory for you here. Like maybe that time you had a chugging contest with Otis and you crushed him? Everyone lost their minds and Otis was convinced you cheated. That all happened in that booth.”

It’s true, that all happened early on to me starting at Molly’s. Otis was talking trash about having the tolerance of an ox and that even though he didn’t go to college, he can out drink anyone in those drinking games. Almost everyone was here between the fire, PD, and med crew. Maggie was thoroughly impressed and made it clear that she was behind me from the beginning. The night was one of my favorites at Molly’s, it was one of the first times I felt accepted in this large family. 

“Thanks Matt,” he nodded and walked back to his table with Silvie. 

Matt’s advice became a standard practice the rest of my shift. All the painful and terrifying memories from having the bar being overtaken can’t be undone in a night, but the pit in my stomach became less and less as the night went on. A lot of the crew came into Molly’s throughout the day, no doubt to help keep some friendly faces at various spots in the bar and I’m grateful. 

“Hey! Sorry I’m late, Adam drives like an old lady.”

“It’s called defensive driving you dick,” Adam rolls his eyes as he walks past.

“Don’t worry about it, you want a beer?”

“I honestly would really love to go home, can you leave?” “Yeah, I’ll go grab my stuff,” I head to the office to gather my things and say a quick round of goodbyes before heading out of Molly’s with Jay. 

“So how’d it go?”

“A lot better than I thought. There’s too much good that’s happened in my life at Molly’s for that day to destroy it.”

“We did meet here,” Jay adds. 

“We had our first kiss here too. Plus, I’ve humbled Will on numerous occasions at Molly’s,” Jay laughs and opens my car door for me.

“I’m proud of you,” I lean over and kiss him. 

****

As the days passed it got easier and easier to go to Molly’s. The memories of a gun pointed at my head were pushed away by memories of Jay and I dancing after closing and playing an intense game of slaps with Cruz. Or Stella whipping out on the newly mopped floor. Or the hot dog eating contest between the firefighters and PD. Everyone made a conscious effort to be around the bar more to help fill it with even more bright memories. 

There were times and days when the memories couldn’t be replaced, Hermann had to replace the bell above the door because I couldn’t stop picturing Rob beneath it.

Sadly, the nightmares had remained. I can see the dark circles underneath Jay’s eyes, the eyes that normally fill me with bliss now cause me guilt. I’ve tried to sleep on his sofa, but when I wake up, nightmare or not, Jay is in a chair awake. After a couple nights of the failed sofa plan, I went to stay at my place. The first night I was woken up by Jay banging on my door, claiming he couldn’t sleep knowing I was having a nightmare without him. Even if I slept at my apartment Jay was there either in my bed or on the sofa. 

“Kim, he’s not sleeping. He’s running on black coffee, I even saw a Monster can in his trash,” I pour her a draft beer as she sits at the bar top. 

“Are you sleeping? You both have matching bags under your eyes.”

“I can’t really, the most I’ve gotten is a few hours in a night,” I lean my elbows on the bar top to hold my head in my hands. “I’m so tired. I don’t think Jay gets more than me, he’s always awake.”

“Have you talked with anyone since everything happened?”

“No, I wouldn’t even know who to talk to,” I admit. 

“We have resources through the precinct, I’ll text you some. You and Jay should go, or you’ll both crash and burn.”

“Thanks, I’ll talk about it with him.”

“Hi beautiful,” Jay says as he sits and the bar stool.

“I thought you weren’t drinking tonight,” I joke.

“What I can’t call my girlfriend ‘beautiful’?”

“You can, you just don’t normally lead with it,” I grab Jay a glass of water.

“Well I have to step up my game,” I laugh at his his seriousness.

“So Kim and I were talking and she brought up me potentially seeing someone. Someone to help talk through everything that happened.”

“That’s a great idea, I can help you find someone.”

“I think you should see someone too, you’re sleeping less than me which is saying a lot.”

“I know, I actually made an appointment with my old therapist for next week. I saw her when I was getting help with my PTSD from being over seas. I can see if she has any suggestions of people to go when I’m there.”

“Thanks, Kim’s gonna send over a list too,” Jay grabs my hand and starts to brush his thumb over the back of it. 

“We’ll get through this,” Jay says confidently. 

“I know,” I smile back at him. “You still going to be around when I finish up?”

“Absolutely. Yours or mine?”

“Yours is closer,” Jay squeezes my hand before standing up. 

“Hey Jo, this was left for you,” Hermann says and slides over a yellow packing envelope. I thank him and grab a knife to rip it open. Numerous photos spill out covering the wooden countertop. The photos are all different but the subjects are the same, me and Jay. Some are just of me, or just of Jay, but most of them are of us together. The air becomes thick and suddenly the music is too loud. This can’t be happening. I quickly push the photos back into the package and run to the office to stuff it into the bottom of my bag. Even with the envelope out of sight my heart doesn’t calm down, everything feels as if it is turned up to a thousand. I jump when the door opens and Hermann walks in.

“I’m sorry kid, I didn’t mean to scare yah,” I open my mouth to say anything but nothing comes out. “Hey, hey, you’re okay. You���re safe. Why don’t you head home? We got it from here.” 

Hermann reaches for my coat and bag, but before he could touch it I snatch both from the locker. He doesn’t touch me as he walks me out of the office. 

“Hey Jay,” Hermann quietly calls. Jay’s smile quickly disappears as he scrambles up from his seat. 

“What happened?” Jay asks quietly once he’s close enough. 

“I don’t know, she was like this in the office when I found her. You guys head home alright?” Jay nods and wraps his arm around my waist to lead me out of the bar. 

“We’ll be home soon, okay?” His kind tone makes it hard to keep the tears at bay. 

Taglist: @whit85-blog @bestillmystuckyheart @nocturnalherb16 @5sos-imagine @miranda0102 @thexplosivegirl @annalism @ego-allie-bap

[threepoint14art]

Ok so first of all i love reading your guys' tags always and forever, second of all @chocottang HIII CHOCOO (please do tell me if tagging annoys you!) You turned my braincell on, you asked such a simple and normal question and now you are gonna get lore'd about spring im so sorry- ok ok so answer here and then i start ranting about all the things ive done to this poor man if anyones interested:

He is not on the aro spectrum he just never really thought about romance for the LONGEST time. Rubbing my hands like an evil fly why would that be? Read to find out

Also while spring himself is not on the aroace spectrum i do present cami, owynn, bonnie and puppet to you humbly, the silliests ever

Basically, as you MAY have noticed, the guy has a lot of burn scars (shocking), that's because when he was little his house burnt down and his parents died and he got super fucked up, he's been in the foster system since he was like 10, no family wanted to take him in because his parents had him when they were super young and thus were disowned. So we start off strong with that, and it gets worse!

I wanted to make spring a little more unhinged because wowzers the sprintrap animatronic is evil, however his chill attitude captivated me, so i decided to make the unhinged him be his younger self, children are cruel adults are scary people in the foster system get treated as "a way to give people who cant have bio kids families" or "charity cases" instead of normal children with a lot of unnadressed issues who deserve a change to grow up with a semblance of normalcy. He was alone and scared and angry at life and thus tended to get into a lot of fights and to stealing stuff and such. Problem kid status + visibly scarred led him to never really finding a permanent home, not that he wanted one, because most of the adults in his life scared him and also wanted him to have a "new" life, AKA forget his parents and accept these new strangers as parents, horrible!

This little kid who is very scared and alone and wishes for nothing more than his parents calming him down again meets 2 even smaller kids and just, projects onto them. He started coping with all the stuff in his head through taking care of children and pretending it was also him who was being taken care of so softly and tenderly, the children being meg and fox. He just starts taking care of them and subconciously growing up really fast to get them the support and whatever they need and then out of literally nowhere hes 18. He's like "oh crap wth" Gets send off to the real world having BARELY graduated from highschool and with some money, he cannot bear the thought of losing any more people and just looks into becoming the other 2's legal guardian and gets them out of the system to live with him in the worlds cheapest house he could find

So what I mean is that he hyperfocused on being a caretaker and getting money and growing up and getting ten thousand things that the thought of romance was not even anywhere near his head, having FRIENDS was nowhere near his head. He had to find a job he had to enroll the other 2 into school he had to find another job he had to make sure their house didn't fall apart by the seams. Also fun fact, the more he grew up the more he realized he is a literal carbon copy of his dad, but visibly scarred! have fun looking in the mirror buddy

In his head, he does not really see himself as a full grown adult even though hes 24, and his weird thought of "adults being scary" still persists even though he himself is one, he doesn't like talking to grown people and that isn't helped by how he spent most of his life with Fox and Meg, he is not used to talking to people his age or older and he was too busy to actually process that romance might be something he wanted when he was just drowning in ten other thousand things already. As he got older and fox and meg also got older and got partime jobs his burden was lessened a lot and he was allowed to CHILL a little

So those 2 idiots in the drawing are vincent and leti,,, they might look like ocs and at this point they kinda are but they ARE based on the bg characters of Camarero and "Novia", they both also have their own can of worms to unpack it's insane.

Spring met Vincent at work, new coworker new hire and then Leti just stopped by sometimes to talk to vincent and he went thought ten billion crisis because "having a crush as an adult is so embarassing i need to be paying taxes"

So TLDR he had his first crushes ever at 24 because at that age he was actually allowed to chill a little and his brain finally had the room to process that romance was in fact, real. He also had to go through the "i like men???????? Im poly??¿¿" thoughts at 24, he shoulda've been at the club/ref

[miutonium]

It took me this long to make a ship chart thing for this two but I finally did it lmaooo I know like most people here doesnt seem to favor this ship of mine (like I always feel that people prefer Utonium and Chloe) but shhh I don't think I cover this ship enough because 1) I forgor and 2) i don't think about them often despite drawing them quite a lot recently so hopefully making this helps me out with ideas on what they really are

This post is longggg so headcanons undercut hhhh

For this AU, since I did mention this being a Modern AU, it's not related to canon at all. So no monsters fucking around, no Aku fucking around, no time travel to the future bullshit, we are giving Jack the rest that he deserves lol so just think of this AU like me just putting Jack in a slice of life situation. I don't want to think of anything heavy plot wise because I am not a very creative person and I can't handle too much angst, I want him to be happy. As usual, I don't think of this through, my rough idea is that Jack is an immigrant that moves to another country just to support his family back home but also I have another idea that Jack is actually stinking rich because of his family but he lives frugally and he loves having a simple job and life where he lives comfortably just like regular people. Another dumbfuck idea of mine is that he is actually the son of the owner of the company that Chev works for and he got placed in the overseas branch and work as a low level staff for 2 years to gain experience and trust from his dad and he has to keep a low profile in the company so people didn't find out about it and use him. Again, idk I haven't think of a permanent idea hhh Jack has always been mysterious to people so his background will remain an open idea for now hsksjslqkalql (but i really love the son of the owner idea cough cough)

Another mystery here would be Jack's last name. Idk his last name and even in canon we dk his last name and I actually think that's fun? I wanted to make Jack look like a mysterious person to Chev because he rarely disclose anything about his background and that includes his actual last name so it's nice that I can omit his last name here.

As I stated before, they are not dating. I honestly still can't see them dating yet BUT I do see them having a mutual feelings towards each other and I also see them being in a "friends with benefit" situation but minus the sleeping around? Idk I haven't decide thoroughly on this either but I imagine that they do cuddle occassionally (cuddle buddy? Is that a thing? Idk) but never more than that, they both liked each other but both seems to either try to restrain their feelings or keep it a secret while still act like they are besties lol. Perhaps one day I will think of how they would eventually date or when I feel comfortable enough to change the status to romantic f/o lol

With that being said, since they are technically close friends, Jack occasionally do sleep over at Chev's apartment so that's the closest thing either both of them experience living with domesticity. Jack leaves some of his items there including his pjs and personal hygiene stuff like razors and toothbrush since he sleeps there almost every weekend if Chev's not busy. He also does his laundry at her apartment since he has no washing machine in his own apartment and Chev did tell him to visit her whenever he wants to clean his clothes. Both of them also don't go out often since Chev prefers staying at home and rest during the weekends but on occassion they do go out and go cafe hopping around town trying to look for the best bagel and sushi that doesn't cost them 3 easy payments of $195.95 + your first born

Jack also seems to be an ambivert to me. He can be complacent with silence and company all by himself and he can also sit down talking excitedly with a stranger he just met because they wear the same shirt at the bar. Chev in the other hand is suprisingly reclusive. She actually doesn't really enjoy small talks and prefers being left alone to her own thought. She also actually have a hard time befriending people due to how she seems to look offhandish most of the time when in reality she is just tired and she also unfortunately has the curse of RBF hhhh she still thinks it funny that she ended up befriending Jack since how the polar opposite they can be personality-wise.

I already mentioned this before but in case people missed it (and I sure ppl do hhh) Chev is an old OC that I revived because I'm too lazy to create a new one so I still keep some of her old personality and mannerism and that also includes her sexuality. She likes women and men and have dated 2 girls previously. She always leans on women though so when she starts to catch feelings on Jack she feels a bit conflicted and I imagine that she always denies her feelings towards him to the point she tries to avoid him at one point which kinda hurt him and hhh I think thats the conflict I want to put in their relationship lol

I actually don't want to write Jack's sexuality initially because he probably doesn't know it or care about it and then it clicked on me: He doesn't care about preferences at all, he loves everyone hdjdjskskal no no listen shhhh he always seem to be open minded to me and I can see that he also doesn't really care or mind about who he's attracted to. If he happens to like the cute receptionist guy at the counter so be it, he is going to like him. If he likes the florist he greets and passes by everyday to work he is going to like them, he really didn't care about anyone's gender, he sees everyone as equal to him just like in canon when he encounters various creatures and species and he sees them all as people he needs to help.

Most of the ideas for this AU is still in progress and I change the story a lot unlike my headcanons for Chloe and Utonium so I hope you guys would bare with me and my indecisiveness 🥲 I also hope you guys would like this ship too because I know they are pretty boring compare to others because I am not as creative as other people but it means a lot to me of people like them 🤧🤧🥲🥲🥲💕💕💕

[pupuseriazag]

Tw: venting (mentions of death trauma, family problems, etc)

I think I am going through another episode like years ago, I have tried my best to keep myself stable and silence the dangerous and panic inducing thoughts but I dont know how much more I will be able to endure.

For those that dont know, I have major anxiety and phobia to death. In 2021 I had to be taken to a psychologist because I broke down in my moms arms, not being able to stop the constant storm of my brain making me panic about how one day Im not going to be here,that I could die any moment and I dont have a guarantee of whats going to happen after that... Its hell, its horrible I love living so much and I know I should already have processed the thoughts... But I cant man. I cant and its horrible to live like this.

I was medicated with anxiety pills (my mom was afraid I could get addicted to antidepression pills until months later another doctor actually prescribed them to me) and ever since I "became better" I've been feeling guilty to ask her to buy me more because I dont want to worry her more.

Before turning 18 I NEVER visioned myself getting to live 24. I cried the early morning I turned 18 because I just didnt knew what to do. I still dont know what to do.

Im at 24 and Im getting let down more and more by life. Situation at home is still shitty and I just... Dont see a way for us to leave here.

Its been 5 fucking years since we began searching for a home to move away from my dad (to clarify: my dad is not physically nor verbally abusive. But he is a cheater, a selfish person and emotionally manipulative jobless liar.) and we cant... We just cant. Everywhere expects you to be paying 400$ a month for a one room apartment or 90k for a home thats falling apart, we cannot afford to move to another departament because of my university and her job. Traffic from other cities like San Marcos, San Martin and even Mejicanos is just too fucking much. Its already too much where we live.

Even if I had a job, we couldnt be able to move somewhere better, we have been stuck here for 5 years, two fucking years taken from covid and 3 to try to stabilize ourselves after that (plus his medical bills after he got kidney stones riiiight after leaving his job, very fucking convenient)

We cant even move to my grandma's or my mom's sister's house. They live on the other side of the country and they have always been very vocal about being against my mom and siding with my dad. And even tho we have the support of some of my dad's sisters... We just cant move to their home.

Everyday I wake up here is like being stuck in a time loop. Every day is the fucking same and I just find a way to distract myself before being yanked back to reality, same with my mom. And you know the worst? I also have to be my moms therapist.

Im tired man, all of this is driving me crazy and the hopelessness I feel when I realize my position is just... Overwhelmingly sad. I hate this life, I hate the life I was given and I hate being brought to a broken family, I hate that my life could have been better if ONLY my dad was not a piece of shit cheating on my mom and putting HIS family side before us, I hate that things could have been so... So much different if only he was a good person. Im not strong enough to continue pretending its not affecting my mental health, no wonder the intrusive thoughts increased these months... These past days.

I feel miserable, I feel worthless, I feel like everything is not worth it. I have insomnia until like 4 am and I panic when I cant find anything I can listen to so I can get some sleep. I havent been able to draw because I dont feel its worth it... I have only been able to distract myself playing and going to uni.

And even putting my family problems aside, I still cant find joy or hope. National news and seeing how this country its being turned into the gringos/politicians playhouse, how even if my life was "better" Im still in danger for being a queer afab person. How people still have blind faith in a fascist regime and money runs lower and lower for the working class meanwhile they proudly announce the inauguration of gentrified beaches and zones of San Salvador, displacing markets and historial establishments to put a fucking starbucks and other multinationals to be more gringo friendly while zones like Apopa and Soyapango are heavily militarized and the police can just say you are linked to the gangs to abuse you.

On top of that coming to terms that I may not end up working in anything art related and having to accept thar if I ever get a job Ill have to rot in an office, seeing how even tho I want to stay away from the norm I feel forced to join it... And that also means having to ""accept my prewritten gender role"".

Everyday that passes feels as if life will force me to live as a straight cis woman or otherwise I will just have to accept being alone the rest of my life.

I know Im being too negative right now, Im letting out how I've been feeling because lately its just been... Too much. Last night I even had a small disagreement with my mom because Im just not in the mood for being her therapist during this we're dealing. I know my dad is an asshole and I know hes using the few money he has to pamper his other woman instead of helping with the bills, I already know he tries to lie to us and acts as the victim. Its tiring to go through the same conversation about him everyday.

So yeah, back to my life... I just wish for some peace you know? I wish for a house where I can actually see the sky from my window and not worrying about at least my family problems. Srry for the sudden emotional explosion

[myfckingnameisnuwanda]

CH.1 With Love to Mom

November 11, day 5.

Hi, mom.

I have decided to start writing this, since it seems like we will be here for longer than we had predicted.

I don’t know where I am, mom, and I don’t know how to go back. I’m sorry.

We have found a cabin, and the rest of the boys that are stuck here with me are currently sleeping on travel beds that one of them stole from their Other Family.

You don’t know them, because I hadn’t particularly interacted with them before That Day.

Sam, the one that got the beds, seems to have disconnected himself from reality. He laughs in the face of everything that has happened to us up until now, and is happy everyday at the fact that we are currently missing school.

Felix is quiet, but takes an authoritative tone and displays options for us everytime we find ourselves between sword and wall. He is the one that found the abandoned cabin, and the one that put on the big pants and directly took us dumpster diving after the second day we had gone without food, ignoring all protests.

And Jake is mad. Almost constantly. He scares me, sometimes. Not because I think he will hurt me, but because I think he will hurt himself. I may have thought differently before That Day, but now I'm exposed to these guys twenty-four seven. It's impossible not to know them better by now.

I’m glad they are here with me, because I really really don’t know what I’d have done had I been alone.

This place is so strange, mom. And it’s not because it’s completely different to our world, as this place is remarkably similar (it follows the same physics, natural and biological laws, as far as I can tell, and has the same historical events as us, including the Wars, the Plague, the Dinosaurs, the Great Oxygenation Event, etc...), but because the only difference at all that I can see is that we don’t exist.

We were never born.

Jake’s mother is a real estate agent, not working two jobs at the same time as a cleaner and a waitress. She is also married to our teacher, Brian Bates. They seem very happy, too. His father is a police officer here, not an unemployed man that can’t even pay child support. I think Jake’s ire and fear mostly come from all that mess. I can’t imagine I’d be happy, either. The implication of what his birth did to his parents is not lost on any of us.

Felix is also having a hard time in that regard. His family seems mostly the same, except for one big detail. As he was never born, his brother, Oscar, never suffered the accident that took away his ability to walk. Sometimes, he says things that make me think he doesn’t even want to go back to our world, that he just wants to stay and be this Oscar’s older brother figure. His own existence be damned.

Sam and I don’t have it quite as bad, comparatively.

Sam’s problem, I’d say, is exactly the opposite of the rest of us, actually. His family is exactly the same, in every aspect. He just got replaced by a different Sam, that these people call Sammy. I asked him his birth date, and he told me that it was August 5. Sam’s birthday is February 1st. They are different people. The only reason I assume they have the same name and similar age, is because Sam’s parents wanted to have another child, and planned to have him accordingly.

Which brings questions about the rest of us, to be honest.

Well, I guess Jake is not a surprise, but I have some questions for you for if when we come back, mom.

Our family... is mostly the same. You, dad and Nai Nai are the same people I know, with the difference that they don’t know me.

I was even able to explain our situation to the Other Father, appealing to his scientific curiosity. We regularly eat food at the restaurant. Sam likes the chicken feet.

Vivian... it’s obvious my existence made a big impact on her. She is a punk, mom (Felix taught me the term when I asked him after describing the clothing). Dresses in what I would have thought you would consider scandalous (and she even uses makeup and hair extensions!), but the Other Mother verily even says anything. I don’t know if it’s because she is used to it. I guess the difference between an only daughter and an older sister is bigger than I’d imagined.

It’s getting late, but writing this has already made me feel better about everything, and closer to you.

I miss you, mom. I miss my dad, my sister and my grandmother. I miss my world.

I hope I’ll see you soon.

With love, to mom,

Andy.

<- Summary

Ch.1-Ch.2 In Betweens ->

[sub-at-omicsteminist]

Why are you atheist??

I’ve been staring at this ask for a while now since it’s such an odd thing to just ask and I was trying to figure out when I’ve ever mentioned religion so I can answer in response to what they’ve seen but I don’t know when I’ve mentioned it.

I’ve never been a person of faith, I remember in year 2 (6/7 years of age) I was at a school Mass and I realised everyone else around me believed what was being said whereas I thought what was happening was just another story. I’ve always took religious teachings as stories to teach morals and guidance but I never took them literally.

I used to attended a Greek Orthodox church on Sundays and I’m christened Greek Orthodox and I didn’t mind it because the priest was a lovely person. He would say things like Science is the pursuit of understanding Gods creation and he would talk about how important education is. But the thing that stood out to me was he once said being trans isn’t a sin, it’s the journey God planned for that Individual. So when I was younger I wasn’t aware of the more homophobic and transphobic sides of religion.

It wasn’t until I started attending the Catholic secondary that I realised that some people used religion to back up ideas of hate and I became very anti Christian and stopped attending church because as a young Queer kid the bullying and being told I’m going to hell all the time really got to me.

My mum also became very unwell, she has a chronic illness amongst many other disabilities so I also thought if there is a God he doesn’t care because why would he make a child watch there mother slowly die and loose her mind and become abusive.

I loved talking to my friends about their religions though, I’ve always been fascinated with beliefs and faith because I’ve never had any. I partook in Ramadan one year to support my friend who was finding it hard and their family invited me to Iftar and I really respected how important their faith must be for them to do this because it was very difficult. Another experience I won’t forget was watching my friends mum create a Rangoli because she put so much care and attention into it and it is still one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen because of that care that went into it.

But it wasn’t until I was 17 I started recognising not all religious people are oppressive, some people use it for oppression but if you take people individually who believe in it that’s not a bad thing.

But there are still things I don’t like, for an example at my secondary we were put into religious houses and mine was house Vanier, turns out that guy was an awful person. His name is Jean Vanier if anyone wants to look him up but it’s just disgusting. Also the priest at the Catholic Church closest to where I live was found out to be preying on children, I have no idea what happened to him in the end but it was a big deal in my town. I also live near some Jehovah’s witnesses who for a month straight harassed me after pride because I assume they saw me coming home with pride face paint and stickers on and I had leaflets about sinning coming through the letter box constantly, and even now they still bang loudly on my door to preach when I’ve explained me, my mum and dad all have diagnosed ptsd and find it distressing. My RE teacher also told our class how he pressured his friend who was SA’d into keeping her baby and he was so proud of himself and it made me feel sick, he did loose his job because he told a student they’ll die and go to hell if they take the pill even though they were taking it for medical reasons.

That’s the part of religion I hate, it’s those individuals I hate. I don’t hate religion or people who practice religion but I hate the fact those things happened.

One of the kindest adults in my life was the school Chaplin, she told me she prayed everyday for my mum to get better and she prayed for me during my exams. I spent a lot of time in the chapel because it was quiet when I was having panic attacks and she used to just sit with me and talk me through them.

I’ve lost track of what I’ve written but

I’m not anti religion. Me not being a religious person isn’t anti religion. I’m anti people using religion as an excuse to be horrible to others.

I’ve just never had any sort of beliefs, in my mind everything is just a coincidence. I don’t believe in an after life, ghosts, superstitions or anything like that either. But that’s who I am and I don’t think that should offend anyone. But I also know I could be wrong and I can’t tell anyone their religion is wrong or right because I simply don’t know that.

I think I prefer the term agnostic (a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God) over atheist because it’s as simple as I don’t know but I don’t think anyone is wrong for having faith.

But also I want to add I’m a white person talking about religion and my experience, all over the world people have different experiences so it doesn’t actually matter what I say. I’m just answering an ask and if you ever want to talk to me about religion I’m always happy to.

[insanefemme]

Given you follow F1 very well, can I ask you about your thoughts on Aston Martin? :D

I saw Alonso got a podium which, I'm very happy for him :3

Oh boy I'm about to call the wrath of F1 tumblr on me lol, I hope they won't find this if I don't tag it

Soooo Aston Martin. Way back when it used to be Force India, ran by some indian man that loved F1 but also did some illegal things that ended him up in jail, after that the team went on to be named Racing Point at some point being bought by Lawrence Stroll some rich canadian dude, until it was rebranded as Aston Martin, so that's how the team came to be.

See, Stroll's son Lance is a racing driver. A pay racing driver. That means, that instead of getting into F1 because of merit and what sponsors are willing to pay for a driver like hin, he got in cause his dad was willing to pay more. Now, I'd sya Lance isn't among the worst pay drivers that have been on the grid. He's actually pretty decent. But there are better guys for the job, who aren't as rich, available.

First Lawrence paid for Lance to have a seat in a Williams car but they were shit cars and Lance had not the best teammates to learn from. Then Lawrence bought a slightly better team so that Lance would have a seat. And Lawrence is pouring a lot of money into the team in hopes of his son becoming a champion (I guess?) aaand they're signing pretty good drivers that Lance can learn from.

Anyway back to the tean.

It used to be a small, tight knit, midfield team. Sometimes on the verge of bankrupcy, but the employees were loyal and they scrambled even when they weren't being paid.

Since being bought by Lawrence the team is doong much better financially, they're buidling newer better facilities, but kind of losing some of their charm. A lot of people that stayed even without pay have left under Lawrence's rule because he's apparently a micromanager and not pleasant to work with. So that's kind of worrying.

Plus under Lawrence, the team does a lot of copying. Usually a team makes a concept and keeps on working on it, but already 2x AM has been accused of copying another car. First Mercedes now RedBull. And yeah, they put a lot of work into it anyway, but... Just saying Lawrence seems to not tryst his own designers/engineers.

So. Finally getting to my thoughts. I'm not a fan of the team. I love Sebastian Vettel so for him, I was willing to turn a blind eye lol but I don't like how the team has been since being bought by Stroll.

Also. I'm terribly sorry but I also don't like Fernando. I was excited to see a team that was struggling last year get a podium at the beginning of this season.... But yeah I would've preferred it to be someone else. (the only 2 drivers I actively dislike are Alonso and Ocon)

Anyway, Lance Stroll got a bit of my respect for driving all banged up. And last year he started to seem like a good person from what I could see... So that's a plus for him and AM.

Oh gosh this was chaotic sorry. If you're looking for a team to support, there's lots to like about AM. Every single team on the grid has both good and bad history to them, so you just need to pick whoever feels right to you.

[radiantlyrey]

Thoughts on Uprising Ep12 “We Both Know How This Ends”

- cold open: I see the Renegade is getting some good ol’ fashioned sabotage in!! love his nonchalance at initially getting caught. also I find it interesting that Pavel is the one dealing with this incursion rather than Paige or Tesler, mostly because the Renegade has largely been a problem for Paige and Tesler primarily, while only like tangentially with Pavel. (Like Pavel mostly goes after the Renegade after Paige has screwed up.)

- the tanks screw up magnificently, well done Tron and Beck. Beck beats a hasty retreat, and then we cut to moody cityscapes and then Able is leaving the garage and puts Mara (who is complaining about the mess the other shift left behind, which is a cute detail that I love) in charge of the day’s activities. (and it was at this moment that I knew what the main plot was going to be…….)

- Able is Going To A Mysterious Place~~~ and then there are gridbugs, which here do a whole helluva lot more than they ever did in the original film!! (seriously the vibe I get from gridbugs’ original appearance is “we spent all this money on this animation and we are putting it in the film, goddammit!!”)

- Mara’s turn as head of the garage goes about as well as one might expect…. Beck and Zed are late, and slacking off, and folks take advantage of Mara to get time off, and so on… and THEN. the plot arrives as a passel of Recognizers!! with a very angry Pavel in tow! oh joy. (also I love Beck’s comment of “gee, thanks Renegade” because like… he has to fix his own sabotage now. this is hilarious and one of the downsides of being a secret renegade….)

- I gotta say, Tron really outdid himself with this self-replicating code on these tanks?? like, good for him, I guess, but also…. oopsie if you thought this was gonna just be set aside by the bad guys instead of being given someone else to solve (also I get the sense that Pavel is trying to get this fixed quickly because he maybe doesn’t want Tesler to find out??)

- watching Able set up his little shelter beacon thing I was seriously wondering what the heck he was doing (i mean, I figured it involved Tron, but regardless)—right up until Tron showed up and then it was like “ohhhhh….. okay, I see now”

- and then Beck’s Two Dads have an argument, and I’m sorry Tron, but Able won this one. what you’re having Beck do might be important, but like…. if you don’t actually have a plan, an overarching plan that has an end scenario, then…. yeah. we both know how this ends, and it ends very badly for Beck. (also the little hint to Cyrus with “another one of your mistakes!” oooooOOOOOHOO MAN)

- it was nice to see Mara getting her bearings as leader at the end, both by calling out Beck (like wtf were you planning to do there, kiddo? seriously???) and by solving the problem of the tanks and getting everything done in time. (also good on Zed for fixing the freaking lift and getting everything ship-shape) (also just a side note: Zed’s little comment about liking Mara just—TELL HER ABOUT IT. GOD. Y’ALL TWO ARE GONNA KILL ME, I SWEAR.)

- in re: Pavel: on the one hand, he is a little ridiculous and is basically the trope of the underling constantly trying to usurp their boss (I believe TV Tropes calls this “The Starscream”?? could be wrong), but on the other hand, in instances like these, he comes across as incredibly dangerous and not one to cross. like he is occasionally downright terrifying, and Paul Reubens does a great job swinging between those two extremes.

- the ending of the episode is great. (especially Able’s little business with Beck: “return this for me” “return it to who?” “I think you already know”) but it was nice to see Able be supportive of Mara’s turn as boss. he is Supportive Dad to all!!! seriously this ending just warmed the little cockles of my heart, and I loved it.

- and honestly? this made for a nice breather episode after the big bombshells of the last two or three stories. there weren’t any action scenes, unless you count Able and Tron fighting off the gridbugs (said sequence seriously gave me the heebie jeebies btw, ICK) and the bits at the beginning, but…. yeah. it was a nice change of an episode, also it was nice to see Beck (a) actually doing his job and (b) actually hanging out with his friends kind of.

- so yeah!! good stuff good stuff! love it!

next episode is the last one I watched 10 years ago, and then we get into new stuff for me; oh boy!! I might watch The Stranger tonight, and report back tomorrow; we’ll see how I feel.