#also it’s not like we haven’t seen this exact thing in perpetuity. when it was getou no one seemed to mind it 🙄

[hawnks]

As your resident Gojo Understander, I do not believe he would have given a shit about what Yuuta is doing. Why is everyone so mad? This is literally the desecration of morals manga tm, don’t get squeamish now.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

right now my absolute favorite musical is wicked, coinciding with my perpetual oz interest (I hope I used that word correctly). I used to listen to Dear Evan Hansen quite a lot but haven’t listened to it in a while. Except for “a part of me”, one of the cut songs.

can I ask why it’s your favorite?

Wicked and Oz in general are awesome. I read through the books semi-recently (as well as re-watching Return to Oz) and it always amazes me to remember just how different in tone the 1939 film is. It's truly a world of it's own, with a different feel an overall mood - Dorothy is obviously far different. Our stage adaptation is primarily based on the 1939 movie so my analysis is based on that, but I'd practically call it an Oz AU with all of the liberties it takes. Mostly with Dorothy. She is largely a pawn in games played by the Witches and Wizard of Oz. A game that ultimately, Glinda won. (My feelings about the 1939 version of Glinda are very similar to my feelings about Dumbledore for similar reasons.)

But Wicked is different. Wicked is a commentary on...on, so many things, but I think a major one is complacency. (It's similar to why I love Borrasca actually.) The idea that there can be something rotten in the state of Denmark, something bad happening in Oz, and people will look the other way. It's painfully realistic. Galinda's whole character arc is intertwined with this. Because it's like Elphaba says. She'll grovel in submission to the corrupt institution if it means advancing her own position and career. But in her heart, she knows better. I love the repeated use of the words "good" and "wicked" blatantly deconstructing them and proving that things aren't black and white. That good and evil are just...words that we say. And their weight depends on who is saying them and about what.

The only thing I don't care for when it comes to Wicked is that...well, it kind of succumbs to what I call "Prequel-itus." As a prequel to Wizard of Oz (well, it technically is both a prequel and a retelling since it goes past the end of the original but I digress) Wicked feels the need to give everything and everything a backstory. Fiyero...didn't need to be the Scarecrow. Fair enough to that one, since it was clearly planned and a major part of the story (though it casts a shadow over his bond with Dorothy in all honesty) but Boq as the Tin Man? Give me a break. That asshole is nothing like The Tin Man, who was sweet and sensitive and, oh yeah, already had a backstory. Not to mention the hastily thrown in line about the Lion being the cub from Act 1? Come on now.

As for Dear Evan Hansen.

I just. I really love human dramas. (Again, Borrasca. I can't recommend it enough, except, every trigger warning you can imagine applies to it.) Dear Evan Hansen is such a magnificent story about realistic people going through emotional issues. It's a story that isn't guided by plot, but by characters reacting based on their feelings and desires. The inciting incident is Connor's suicide and the misunderstanding with Evan's note, but after that, the entire plot could be resolved if the characters (mainly Evan) just made different choices. Better ones, smarter ones. But it's not a plot hole, either. It's characterization. You can see the exact moment when Evan falls in love with the lie. "And I see him come to get me. He's....come to get me. And everything's....okay." I've seen a slime tutorial of this show and based on the performance, that is the moment that Evan went from awkwardly trying to comfort a grieving family....to telling himself a better story, about his own life. One where he had a best friend, and wasn't having suicidal thoughts.

And that's one of the major themes of Dear Evan Hansen. Rewriting history when there's no one to contradict you, and living in the new reality you've created from that story, because there's nothing to stop you except yourself. It crops up all over the place, not just in the #BigLie, but Evan also initially lies to Larry about the situation with his father. This idea is echoed in Sincerely, Me as well. "All that it takes is a little reinvention." and "Just believe you can be who you wanna be." It comes up again in Words Fail which is...the most fucking raw and emotional that a musical has ever gotten, for me anyway. I sob when I listen to that song, especially at the crescendo when it reprises Waving Through a Window. Evan talking about no one seeing the real him, because he fears "Will they hate it too?" Just broke me. Because...honestly? I relate to it. And I think a lot of people can. "Will I just keep on running away from what's true?" Like. Oof.

Everyone in this show is miserable, in different ways, and they manifest it in different ways that are typically unhealthy. Though I think my favorite character is Heidi. I don't know if she's considered problematic in the musical fandom, but I will pick up my foam finger and defend her to the last. She was doing everything she could. Evan's anger at her for being absent is understandable, but it wasn't out of negligence. She was working multiple jobs to keep a roof over their heads. She didn't always handle situations the best, like the dinner with the Murphys...but she was blindsided over and over that night, so, fair enough. She isn't very knowledgeable about her son's mental health issues, but it's not for lack of trying. She's doing her best, and also, Evan isn't telling her anything. He's not sharing with her. He's lying to her, on top of lying to everyone else.

The situation needed to end. Because it was unhealthy. Even if Connor and Evan's friendship had been real, it was reaching unhealthy levels. They gave Evan Connor's clothes. They gave him Connor's college fund. Given how he was sleeping over at the Murphy's house all the time, and I don't see them making him take the couch (or allowing him to crash with Zoey) he was probably sleeping in Connor's room. Like, it was reaching creepy levels even if you ignore that it was all based on a lie. And when they find out...yeah, they don't forgive him. Why would they? It would be way too good to be true, Evan would be getting off far too easy, if they just forgave him. They didn't expose him to the world and that is charitable on their parts. Evan had to lose the life he'd gained and return to reality. I like that even though Zoey ultimately forgives him, they don't get back together. Realistically, there's no way they would.

God this story just rips me to shreds. I feel bad for everyone involved, but they're also culpable for their own choices. Like...Alana is another example. We're meant to sympathize with her (and Jared) by the end. Sure, she's a little annoying, but she means well, and her dedication to the Connor Project is sincere. That said...she really doesn't know what she's talking about, claiming the emails "don't make sense" because Connor seemed to be doing better before he died. That's...shockingly naive. Also, the fact that she posted Connor's suicide note (as far as she knew) online without permission. She didn't ask his family if that was okay. She did it explicitly against the wishes of his best friend who the letter was written for. That's fucked up.

I could write similar analysis of Jared, Connor's parents, Zoey...but I can already tell this one is gonna be a long runner so I'll cap it here.

[eggsaladstain]

i am once again thinking about how the central theme of hunger is so deftly portrayed in kingdom

spoilers for ashin of the north under the cut

i’ve written about the theme of hunger before but i have to say, i think the special episode centered around ashin may be my favorite portrayal of this because it is just so much more emotionally devastating and cathartic than what we’ve seen before

in the first two seasons, we saw both literal and metaphorical hunger - for food, for flesh, and for power - and in this special, we saw the hunger for revenge - a hunger we haven’t seen portrayed in the series before and one that plays out with horrific consequences

as in the previous two seasons, we see once again that it’s mankind, not the undead, who are the true monsters, because it is men who slaughter the fifteen jurchens in cold blood, it’s a man who decides to spread a lie that the dead were killed by a tiger and uses ashin’s father to perpetuate that lie, it’s men who destroy ashin’s village, it’s a man who sexually assaults her once she’s an adult, it’s men who have kept her father alive and tortured him for years

time and time again it is men in positions of power who use that power to abuse the weak and just as we’ve seen in the previous two seasons, it is the weak, the poor, the overlooked who rise up in the end, for better or for worse

in ashin’s case, it’s clearly for the worse, as we watch her murder indiscriminately and raise an undead army to destroy everyone in sight, as we realize that she resurrected her dead villagers and condemned them to a never-ending purgatory of hunger, as we learn that she is the one who gave the resurrection plant to the king’s physician, thereby setting off the events in the series

by the end of it, ashin says herself that she wants to kill every living thing in joseon, which puts her directly at odds with lee chang and his allies, and yet, it’s hard to see her as a villain because of everything she’s endured and because her backstory is so similar to yeong-shin’s, one of our beloved heroes from the series

like ashin, yeong-shin was also betrayed by people in power who he thought he could trust, he was also the sole survivor of his village, and he also dedicated his life to avenging his fallen family and friends

their stories are the same but the similarities end there - where yeong-shin wants justice for his people, what ashin wants is revenge, and the difference between the two has never been clearer

when we meet yeong-shin, he’s full of righteous anger and fiery determination but he still has his humanity and he’s able to put aside his personal vendetta to join the greater cause to save those around him

when we see ashin as an adult, there is a chilling coldness in her eyes, a complete and utter detachment from everything going on around her that only gets worse with time and when we see her let loose her zombies on the unsuspecting army camp and notch an arrow toward the warriors who massacred her village, she seems little more than the living dead herself, fueled only by vengeance, existing only to bring destruction and death to those who once harmed her

that’s not to say that it’s not satisfying watching her exact her bloody revenge - it’s incredibly cathartic to see her destroy the men who hurt her, but that cold, calculating look on her face and her eye-for-an-eye brand of revenge are eerily reminiscent of queen cho and the bloody and destructive lengths she went to to keep her throne

but then there are brief moments when we are reminded that she is not entirely like queen cho, not really, not where it truly counts, because where queen cho was driven by greed, ashin is driven by love, and more importantly, the loss of it

the scene where she faces her shackled, undead villagers is horrifying, not just because she turned them into monsters, but because it’s apparent that she loves them still, even as they snarl at her, even as their unseeing eyes no longer recognize her

it’s clear she is trying to hold on to the happiness they once had by replicating her previous life as best as she can but instead of giving the villagers a second chance, all she has done is created a perversion of the life they once had as those bright, vivid memories of her neighbors smiling, laughing, welcoming her home, and sharing a meal together have turned into her present nightmare where those villagers now share a very different type of meal

from the series, we’ve seen how destructive a force hunger can be, whether it’s hunger for sustenance or hunger for power, with seasons one and two showing us time and time again how ordinary people suffer at the hands of the few powerful men and women who rule a kingdom

but we see now that it’s the hunger for vengeance that is perhaps the worst of them all, with ashin’s story showing us how one ordinary woman’s rage and suffering caused by those powerful men has the potential to destroy an entire kingdom

it seems so fitting that this special was released now, when the pandemic has exacerbated income inequality between the ultra-rich and the ultra-poor and billionaires are literally taking joyrides to space while workers are begging to be paid a living wage

for a show about joseon-era zombies, kingdom continues to be incredibly timely and relevant, and while it certainly leans into a literal interpretation of “eat the rich,” it never lets us forget what the full quote actually is:

when the people shall have no more to eat, they will eat the rich

[thetaekookcloset]

I joined fandom thinking army are so great because never seen any artists appreciating their fans the way BTS does but saw a really different side. Even though I am a jk bias stan, love his voice, the way BTS fans behaviour is so hypocritical. I knew my baby always gets hate from major jikookers and pjms but I also feel pity for Taehyung. I never used to like taekookers because some are really delusional, followed your account only coz you talk sensibly and respects both of them so I respect you in return. Never had much of an impression of Taehyung though coz thought he was always army fav or something and coz of him jungkook gets hate thrown. Even if i am more of indifferent towards Taehyung never want him to get death threat coz that thing is pretty cruel. Now I see army trending dynamite anniversary, freejiminfromtaekookers and complaining about Jim's interview and I am blown away how people are not doing anything for Taehyung. I mean wasn't he a fav? No votes for SDA and death threat thing on Max ot7 account. Wah! I think I need to change my perspective a little. Saw his solo begging people to vote but.... Feeling pity for that guy got a shitty fandom. Might be bitter but it's the truth, funny no Taekook bloggers are addressing this issue.

I hear you, anon -- and thank you very much for your kind words, by the way.

I think the thing is that with a fandom this massive, you’re naturally going to have so many different kinds of people, in every little corner and faction of the fandom.  There are shippers and supporters, non-shippers, solos, antis, OT7s, people with biases who still love the group as a whole, and that’s just the people who consider themselves deep fans of at least a member of BTS.

Then we all see different parts of those different aspects of the fandom, and we all choose to engage with them in different ways.  I think a lot of people with a bias tend to see their fave as being less well-treated, both by the company and by other fans, and because the fandom is so big, there’s always a reason for them to think and feel that way.  Taehyung stans are always going to see Taehyung antis and feel like Tae is getting the short end of the stick, you know?  Whereas Jimin stans will always think Taehyung is the obvious favorite of both the company and the fandom.  This is just one example, it’s a phenomenon that seems to perpetuate itself throughout the fandom over and over again.

Personally, I’ve seen a lot of people on Twitter specifically talking about voting for Tae for SDA and reporting the death threats.  I haven’t been talking about these things on the blog for a couple of reasons.  One is that I assume most people are aware of it already and it isn’t really what I use this space for, nor is it something I want to dwell on in this space.

Obviously the death threat issue is disgusting and I think it’s horrible when it happens to anyone.  It honestly made me feel sick to see those messages and I mostly just hope that Taehyung himself didn’t see them, and that none of the members did, frankly.

But as for the fandom as a whole, I just feel like it’s too massive to generalize in any direction.  Even the subsets of this fandom are so huge that I don’t like to make generalizations about them for the most part, especially since I know how frustrating it can be to have all Taekookers lumped together as though we share one mind and all believe the exact same ideas.

[ailuronymy]

Thoughts on the new discourse? Warrior cats naming conventions and rank names being straight up stolen from native American people? So many people seem to be... Straight up leaving the Fandom or changing all of their fan content and it feels very performative and, people not actually thinking critically and just being scared of getting "cancelled"? I feel like your opinions on these matters are very informed and well written so I wanted to ask given that this blog main theme is, well, warrior cat naming system and that seems to be the main issue of the new discourse.

This is probably going to get long, since there's sort of a lot to say about it in order to talk about this whole thing fairly and constructively, because from what I’ve seen there’s a lot of hyperbole happening, and panicking, and disavowing this series and fandom, and so on, like you say, and also some people genuinely trying to have complex meaningful conversations about racism in xenofiction, and also probably some bad faith actors in the mix--as well as some just... stupid actors. Kind of inevitably what happens when two equally bad platforms for having nuanced discussions--i.e., twitter and tumblr--run headlong into each other, in a fandom space with a majority demographic of basically kids and highly anxious, pretty online teens. I don’t mean that as a criticism of fans or their desire to be liked by peers and “correct” about opinions, it’s just the social landscape of Warriors and I think it’s worth pointing out from the start.  

If I’m totally honest with you, if not for this ask, I wouldn’t actually be commenting on it at all, because none of this is going to impact this blog or change how I run it in any way. But since you’ve asked and frankly I do feel some responsibility to try to disentangle things a little for everyone stressed and confused at the moment, because I know a lot of people look to this blog for guidance of all sorts, I’m going to talk about what I think has happened here, and how to navigate the situation in a reasonable way. 

Quick recap for anyone blissfully unaware: from what I understand, this post (migrated over from a presumably bigger twitter thread) has got a lot of people very worried about Warriors being a racist and appropriative series, and now are trying to figure out what ethically to do about this revelation. The thing I found most interesting about this screenshotted conversation is that it makes a lot of bold claims, but misses some pretty surprising details (in my opinion). If you do look critically at what is being said, here’s a few things to notice--crucially, there are two people talking. 

Person 1 says that a lot of animal fantasy fiction + xenofiction (fiction about non-human/”other” beings, such as animals) is frequently built upon stereotypes of First Nations and Indigenous people, and/or appropriates elements of Indigenous culture and tradition as basically set dressing for “strange” and “alien” races/species etc., and this is a racist, deeply othering, and inappropriate practice. This person is right. 

I’ve spent years researching in this field specifically, so I feel pretty confident in vouching (for whatever that’s worth) that this person is absolutely right in making this point. Not only is it frequently in animal fiction/xenofiction, but it’s insidious, which means often it’s hard to notice when it’s happening--unless you know what you’re looking for, or you are personally familiar with the details or tropes that are being appropriated. Because of the nature of racism, white and other non-First Nations people don’t always recognise this trend within texts--even texts they’re creating--but it’s important for us all, and especially white people, to be more aware, because it’s not actually First Nations’ people’s responsibility to be the sole critics of this tradition of theft and misuse. Appropriation by non-Indigenous people is in fact the problem, which means non-Indigenous people learning and changing is the solution. 

Person 1 offers Warriors as a popular example of a work that has this problem. Notably, this person hasn’t given an example of how Warriors is culpable (at least in this screenshot and I haven’t found the thread itself, because the screenshot is what’s causing this conversation), only that it’s an example of a work that has these problems. And once again, this person is correct. We’ll look at that more in a moment.

Person 2 (three tweets below the first) offers, by comparison, several more specious insights. Firstly, it’s really, really not the only time anyone’s ever talked about this, academically + creatively or in the Warriors fandom specifically, and so that reveals somewhat this person’s previous engagement in the space they’re talking into re: this topic. In other words, this person doesn’t know what has already been said or what is being talked about. Secondly, this person explicitly states that they “[don’t know] much about warrior cats specifically but from what I see it just screams appropriation,” which as a statement I think says something crucial re: the critical lens this person has applied + the amount of forethought and depth of analysis of their criticism of this particular series. 

I’m not saying that using twitter to talk about your personal feelings requires you to research everything you talk about before you shoot your mouth off. However, I personally don’t go into a conversation about a topic I don’t know anything about except a cursory glance to offer bold and scathing criticisms based on what it “just screams” to me. By their own admission, this person isn’t really offering good faith, thoughtful criticism of the series, in line with Person 1′s tweet. Instead, Person 2 is talking pretty condescendingly and emphatically about--as the kids say--the vibes they get from the series, and I’m afraid that just doesn’t hold up well in this court. 

So now that there’s Person 1 (i.e., very reasonable, important, interesting criticism) and Person 2 (i.e., impassioned but completely vibes-based opinion from someone who hasn’t read the books) separated, we can see there’s actually several things happening in this brief snapshot, and some of them aren’t super congruent with each other. 

Person 1 didn’t say “don’t read bad books,” or that you’re a bad person for being a fan of stories that are guilty of this. They suggested people should recognise the ways xenofiction uses Indigenous people and their culture inappropriately and often for profit. My understanding of this tweet is someone offering an insight that might not have occurred to many people, but that is valuable and important to consider going forward in how they view, engage with, and create xenofiction media.

Person 2 uses high modality, evocative language that appeals to the emotions. That’s not a criticism of this person: they’re allowed to talk in whatever tone they want, and to express their personal feelings and opinions. However, rhetorically, this person is using this specific language--consciously or subconsciously--to incense their audience--i.e., you. Are you feeling called to action? What action do you feel called to when you rea their words, despite the fact their claims are not based in their own actual analysis of or engagement with the text? It’s, by their own admission, not analysis at all. Everything they evoke is purely in the name of “not good” vibes. 

Earlier I mentioned that Person 1 is correct that Warriors is absolutely guilty of appropriation of First Nations and Indigenous people and culture. I also mentioned that they didn’t specify how. That’s because I think the most egregious example is in fact the tribe, which in many ways plays into the exact kind of stereotyping and appropriation of First Nations Americans that Person 1 mentions, and not the clans, contrary to Person 2′s suggestion. For instance, in addition to the very loaded name of “tribe”, there’s a lot of racist tropes present in how that group of cats is introduced and how the clan cats interact with them, as well as the more North American-inspired scenery of their home. It’s very blatant as far as racism in this series. 

When it comes to the clans themselves, though, I think it’s muddier and harder to draw clear distinctions of what is directly appropriative, what is coincidentally and superficially reminiscent, and what is not related at all. Part of this difficulty in drawing hard lines comes from the fact that, on a personal level, it actually doesn’t matter: if a First Nations person reads a story and feel it is appropriative or inappropriate, it’s not actually anyone’s place to “correct” them on their reading of the text. Our experiences are unique and informed by our perspectives and values, and no group of people are a monolith, which means within community, there will always be disagreement and differenting points of view. There is no one single truth or opinion, which means that First Nations people even in the same family might have very different feelings about the same text and very different perspectives on how respectful, or not, it might be. 

I’m saying this because something that gets said very often when conversations of racism and similar oppressive systems present/perpetuated in texts comes up, people frequently say: “listen to x voices.” It is excellent advice. However, the less pithy but equally valuable follow-up advice is: “listen to the voices of many people of x group, gather information and perspective, and then ultimately use your own judgement to make an informed opinion for yourself.” It means that you are responsible for you. The insight you can gain by listening to people who know topics and experiences far better than you do is truly invaluable, but if your approach to the world is simply to parrot the first voice, or loudest voice, or angriest voice you come across, you will not really learn anything or be able to develop your own understanding and you certainly won’t be making well-informed judgements. 

In other words, one incomplete tweet thread from two people who are each bringing quite different topics and modes of conversation (or perhaps gripes, in Person 2′s case) to the table is not really enough to go off re: making a decision to leave a fandom, in my opinion. In fact, I think in responding to anything difficult, complex, or problematic (which doesn’t mean what popular adage bandies it about to mean) by trying to distance yourself, or cleanse of it, will ultimately harm you and will not do you any good as a person. It is better, in my opinion, to enter into complex relationships with the world and media and other people in an informed, aware way and with a willingness to learn and sometimes to make mistakes and be wrong, rather than shy away from potential conflict or fear that interacting with a text will somehow taint you or define your morality in absolutes. 

So. Does Warriors have racist and appropriative elements, tropes, and issues in the series? Yes, of course it does, it’s a book-packaged series produced by corporation HarperCollins and written by a handful of white British women and their myriad ghostwriters. Racism is just one part of the picture. The books are frequently also ableist, sexist, and homophobic (or heteronormative, depending how you want to slice it, I guess), just to name some of the most evident problems. 

But does the presence of these issues mean it’s contaminated and shouldn’t be touched? Personally, I don’t think so. Given the nature of existing the world, it’s not possible to find perfect media that is free of any kind of bias, prejudice, or even just ideas or topics or concepts that are challenging or uncomfortable. I think it’s more meaningful to choose to engage with these elements, discuss them, criticise them, learn from them, and acknowledge also that imperfection is the ultimate destiny of all of us, especially creators.

I’m not saying that as a pass, like, “oh enjoy your media willy-nilly, nothing matters, do what you want, think about no-one else ever because we’re all flawed beings,” but rather that it’s important not to look away from the problems in the things we enjoy, rather than cut off all contact and enjoyment when we realise the problems. That doesn’t mean you have to only criticise and always be talking about how bad a thing you like is either, publicly admonishing yourself or the text, because that’s also not a constructive way to engage with media. 

As I said, there’s a lot to say here, and believe it or not, this is honestly the shortest version I could manage. There’s always more to say and plenty I haven’t talked about, but pretty much tl;dr: 

I don’t find Person 2′s commentary particularly compelling, personally, because I think it’s a little broad and a little specious in its conclusions and evidence, and I also suspect that this person is speaking more from their feelings than from a genuine desire to educate or meaningfully criticise, unlike Person 1. That’s not to say Warriors isn’t frequently racist and guilty of the issues Person 1 is discussing, because it is, but I don’t think this tweet thread is a great source of insight into the ongoing history of this problem in xenofiction, or Warriors specifically, on its own. I would recommend exploring further afield to learn more from a variety of sources and form your own opinions. I hope this helps. 

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

I think the main reason John is canceled is how he’s made out to be Saint John the Beloved Peace Activist Martyr. I don’t think his estate is entirely to blame because the same sort of thing happens to most celebrities who die young, but it’s worse with John because he’s glorified more as an activist vs. as an artist. His activism was fine, but treating him like a saint is unrealistic. At some point, people get tired of having the same pretentious, constructed image shoved in their faces, so it’s satisfying to take him down a peg (especially when it’s Gen Z taking down a boomer icon). Ringo hasn’t been lionized in the same way so it makes sense that he wouldn’t be canceled. “Imagine singer John Lennon beat his wife” is just a more sensational headline than like, “It Don’t Come Easy singer beat his wife”.

Re: Would John Lennon be “cancelled” in the 21st century?

Like I stated in my post, I really just don’t have an opinion on whether the story about Ringo physically beating Maureen, almost to death, is true because ive never been able to pinpoint an exact source in which Ringo admits to this. I know ive heard in passing that Ringo discussed this incident in an interview, but after researching it, I just haven’t found any credible source in which Ringo actually states this, so I just don’t know. If anyone does have the original source for this, by all means send me it because id love to get some closure on this topic - but as for now, I just remain neutral on this topic.

But going onto the second point, I absolutely agree that Johns “cancellation” is largely perpetuated as a response to his mythologised status.

His name is supposed to be almost synonymous with “peace and luv” - but anyone who has read up on the actual behaviours and actions of John knows that he was abusive, vitriolic, cruel, violent and lets face it, often times he was just a plain a bully. BUT we also know he was deeply insecure, alienated, mentally ill, depressed, chaotic, emotionally unstable, drug-addicted etc. And none of these aspects to John negate the other - as ive stated here (x), if someone doesn’t like him because he was abusive, I don’t have an issue with that; that he was “sad and insecure ☹️” ultimately isn’t a justification or excuse for his behaviours. Some people just aren’t going to have a lot of empathy for him, and its not up to me to decide whether they do or don’t forgive him. But also, the freedom to decide whether we do or don’t like or respect him is just a part of the real image of John Lennon: the one that was simply just a human being, not a mirage of Peace, and not the embodiment of abuse - literally, he was just some guy.

But I think 2 things to factor into the quite abrupt “cancellation” he’s received are 1. that the reality is is that there is something I guess satisfying in knowing the all-too-perfect person is actually pretty rotten - we’ve seen this with plenty of other symbolic figures throughout history, be it Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Mother Teresa, Walt Disney or basically anyone else who you’d expect to find on a “10 respected historical figures who were actually terrible people” list. These supposed idols are put on a pedestal, and idealised to such an extent that when they fall, there often just is something pleasing about it, because theres a type of security in the knowledge that idols and earthly-Gods do not exist; that they were just human all along. Im reminded of an extract from East Of Eden, when Steinbeck wrote:

“When a child first catches adults out…his world falls into panic desolation. The gods are fallen and all safety gone. And there is one sure thing about the fall of gods: they do not fall a little; they crash and shatter or sink deeply into green muck. It is a tedious job to build them up again; they never quite shine. And the child's world is never quite whole again.” - John Steinbeck, East Of Eden

Another thing to account for is, 2. Most people don’t know the contexts behind Johns behaviours, because a lot of them have just read “10 things you don’t know about John Lennon - no. 1 He beat his wife, no. 2 He abandoned his son etc.”, and so for me thats the main thing with tackling the more controversial, miserable side to Johns life: just give people more context. I’ll just reinstate my earlier point in saying, some people aren’t going to have a lot of empathy for John, and I get it. Nobody has to like him. But I think the contexts surrounding a lot Johns controversies are worth taking into account, because whilst saying “he was a wife-beater” isn’t necessarily untrue, it isn’t entirely accurate either, and there are various other factors to be accounted for. So with people who want to “cancel” John Lennon, I think its best to just expand upon his more critical subjects and explain them in better detail, because I certainly don’t think its a bad thing to discuss the darker edge to John Lennon - although having said that, I admit I probably wouldn’t really bother talking with people who want to “cancel” John online, because I imagine the majority just want TikTok views, and aren’t in fact interested in having a genuine discussion about him.

If John hadn’t died, perhaps he wouldn’t be so much “cancelled” (which ill just say again that I don’t think he actually has been/never will be) but rather we’d just see a progressive disillusionment within our perceptions of him.

[fanfic-scribbles]

Smile

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Summary: Bucky gives you some reasons to smile.

Quick facts: Romance – Bucky Barnes/Reader – Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff, puns, cheesy jokes, so cheesy

Words: 3344

A/N: I’m going to admit it upfront, about 40 percent of the time spent on this fic was spent on writing it. The other 60 percent was spent on finding the jokes. Also, this story is semi-inspired by the fact that my face is not nearly as expressive as it feels (I basically look like the polite cat meme when I really try and I can’t do it for long before my face hurts too much) so this goes out to other people who get accused of resting bitch/asshole face. And get written up for it. Anyway, please enjoy this goofy little Bucky/Reader get together.

  ~

‘How do you make a tissue dance?’

‘Put a little boogie in it.’

Bucky snorts and coughs when he accidentally breathes coffee instead of air. ‘That’s disgusting,’ he texts back but Sam just replies with an obnoxious smiling face. Bucky shakes his head and goes back to his coffee. It’s actually not so terrible today.

He doesn’t hang out in a dive, but this coffee shop is a type of quiet he almost never sees in the city. It’s too far from the tourism path for convenience and just outside the neighborhood purview where there are many other local (better) favorites. It’s clean enough and decently sized, but it’s decorated like it was supposed to be trendy ten years ago and the place is barely staffed, to match its perpetually nigh-empty interior. There was a short-lived attempt at hiring another person, but after a ridiculous amount of turnover the owners, or whoever, apparently cut their losses and the only constants that remain are Bucky, the lone customer, you, the person actually working the counter, and your manager.

You’re nice. You always speak kindly to Bucky and, when you think you can sneak it, upsize his cup without comment or charge. Also, one time when his glove broke and slipped off, you hadn’t even commented on the arm; you’d even helped him stop panicking enough to see it hadn’t gone far and helped secure it temporarily with a rubber band.

Your manager, meanwhile, is a dick who glares at Bucky and once made a snide comment about him leaning too close to the register, and only talks to you in demanding barks. Like now– but the five minute “hushed” conversation is winding down and soon it will be safe for Bucky to go get his refill.

“I’m writing you up,” the manager says.

You jerk back in shock. “For not smiling enough?”

“It’s what we got marked down for, it’s what’s going on your record,” he says, turns on his heel, and retreats into the back to do jack shit. Bucky glares at his back as he goes. His harsh expression turns to a milder frown when he looks at you, hunched over and staring at the counter with a dead expression on your face.

He looks at his phone, looks at his empty coffee cup, and makes a quick decision.

“Can I get a refill?” he asks when he’s in front of you, startling you out of your stagnant misery. You look up at Bucky and after a second force an unnatural smile on your face. He winces on your behalf.

“Of course,” you say softly, and turn to refill the cup.

When you hand it back to him Bucky shuffles, hesitates, but finally asks, “Why are colds bad criminals?”

You blink. “Uh…why?”

“Because they’re easy to catch.”

You blink again, and then let out a startled laugh. Bucky smiles slightly at the sound, and smiles more at the more natural, smaller turn of your lips as you say, “That’s…that’s a good one.”

“It’s pretty terrible.”

“All the best ones are,” you say, and the door chimes making Bucky break away. But as he watches you talk to the delivery man like normal he nods to himself. He leaves with his coffee to start the day and fires a quick text to Sam: ‘Where do you get your dumb jokes?’

~

The next day when the door chimes and you see your one regular customer, you let yourself smile a lot more naturally than you have been. Your face is starting to hurt and your boss is probably napping in the back, so you take the chance to relax.

“Hi,” you say. “The usual?”

“Please,” he says, polite as ever as he hands you exact change and you go to fix his cup. When you bring it back he asks, “What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?”

“What?”

“Dam.”

You giggle despite yourself. Bucky’s smile is small and guarded, but you haven’t had a moment yet where you haven’t been grateful to see it. Maybe this ‘smiling’ business is all it’s cracked up to be. If only it didn’t hurt your cheeks so much.

But as he tips his cup to you and goes to his favorite corner, you find you don’t mind the ache as much.

~

Every time he comes in now, he brings a new joke.

“What do you call a fake noodle?”

“An im-pasta.”

“What does a clock do when it’s hungry?”

“It goes back four seconds.”

“Why did the bike fall over?”

“It was two tired.”

The delivery is fairly flat but there’s always at least the hint of a smile and, you don’t know, it might be his absolute seriousness that sells it, because every one of them raises your spirits. You don’t know why he’s suddenly telling you jokes. For anyone else you might think they’re flirting, but you don’t get that impression here. He’s handsome, always looks put-together in quality clothes even if they seem picked for comfort over anything else, and even before this he has always been unfailingly polite. If he wants someone, he has to have someone just as lovely. Right?

You can’t help but think about it even after he comes back. And the wonderfully terrible jokes, thankfully, don’t stop.

“Why did the mushroom go to the party?”

You keep pouring the coffee while you ponder an answer. “I don’t know,” you decide and lift your head as you hand Bucky his drink.

The way he smiles is very fetching– not quite a smirk, it’s a little too unsure for that, but it tilts up to the side and gives him a boyish charm that would make anyone weak in the knees. “Because he was a fungi.”

It makes a smile big enough for you to feel, but considering how self-conscious you are now you quickly tell him, “I liked that.”

“I know,” he says. “You smiled.”

“You can tell?” Maybe you aren’t as bad off as you thought. Or maybe he’s just being nice. But he seems honest, and he nods decisively.

“I get not being the most…expressive.” He shrugs. “But anyone can still see it, if they look.”

The implication that he cares enough to look stuns you both to silence. He ducks his head shyly and lifts his coffee cup in thanks before retreating to his corner. When you finally have working vocal cords again you say, “Have a nice day.” It might be the first time you’ve ever really meant it.

~

“What’s the opposite of coffee?”

Bucky’s eyes widen and narrow in quick succession as he goes from surprise to contemplation. He weighs your question with all the dramatic seriousness you could hope for before he says, “I don’t know. What is the opposite of coffee?”

You grin when you say, “Sneezy.”

His smile is bright and he nods his head. “Not bad, not bad.” He leans on the counter, looking more relaxed than you’ve ever seen him. It’s…shockingly warming. You have to remind yourself not to get too close. He showed up out of the blue and he can be gone just as quickly. Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean he has any attachment here. In fact, you hope he doesn’t– you’d question his sanity otherwise. “Why did Mozart hate chickens?”

“I don’t know,” you say, eager to hear the answer.

“Because when he asked them for their favorite composer, they said, “Bach! Bach! Bach!’”

You laugh– that is, of course, when your supervisor pokes his head out of the back and scowls at you. He should be happy that you’re ‘smiling enough’ but you know full well anything you do is never going to be good. You freeze whatever expression is on your face as Bucky’s mood darkens and your heart sinks. “Enjoy your coffee,” you say, infusing meaning into every word. That ekes out a small imitation of a smile as Bucky raises his cup and goes to his seat.

Your supervisor starts to stalk over to you but you are saved by the sudden ringing of a phone, and he blessedly turns on his heel and goes to answer.

You sigh and start cleaning up the counter. Bucky is in his corner, hunched over and quiet as usual. He looks fine, but you feel bad for the interruption, even though you get the impression he understands. Still, this is one nice thing you’ve had in this otherwise miserable job and you’re not going to lose yet one more good person to your superior’s shitty attitude.

You push out a roll of receipt paper, scribble ‘Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?’ on it, and stick it in your apron. You walk over to wipe down an untouched table and, before heading back, make a little detour to drop it next to Bucky’s arm. He grabs the paper as you’re scooting away (plausible deniability in case your boss comes out) but it isn’t until you’re back behind the counter that you realize what that just looked like. Does he think you just dropped your number? He hasn’t opened it yet. Is he trying to figure out a way to let you down? You suddenly regret playing into this so much; he was just trying to be nice, he probably didn’t expect you to latch onto it so–

He opens the paper, reads it, and shoots you a little smirk. You breathe a sigh of relief and mindlessly wipe things down and rearrange well-organized creamers and straws until Bucky comes up for his customary pre-leaving refill. You’re a little disheartened it’s that time already, but it means you’re that much closer to the end of your shift, at least.

“Why?” Bucky asks quietly. It takes you a second before you remember the receipt paper and you surreptitiously check the back to see the door is closed.

“Because he was pressed for time,” you say quietly as you hand back his cup.

He chuckles. “I like it,” he says and takes a sip. “Thanks,” he adds as expected, but then he winks and you…you just stare at him as he leaves.

Should you have dropped your number?

~

A few days later, Bucky is caught off his guard and pays for it.

“What’s this?”

Bucky doesn’t get to his coffee cup fast enough and Sam snatches it and reads. “Sam,” Bucky grumbles but there it is, Sam’s eyes go wide and he turns that stare on Bucky. “Don’t look at me like that,” Bucky snaps and snatches his drink back.

“You’ve been using my jokes to hit on a dorky barista?” Sam asks and follows him across the room.

“I’ve been using jokes from the site you steal yours from to share with the nice woman who makes my coffee,” Bucky says and sits in a chair. He never stays for Sam’s group VA sessions and he should have left sooner, damn it. “I wouldn’t use yours. They’re gross.”

“Potentially inappropriate for a lady,” Sam says. Bucky opens his mouth to argue but, no, that’s exactly it, even though Sam’s tone implies something completely different from what Bucky would have said. “What’s her name?”

“Bucky?”

Steve has never been more of an actual hero to Bucky than he is right now. Right on time to walk back home with Bucky, Steve wanders in, sees the two of them, and stops. “Oh, should I…”

“Let’s g–” Bucky is immediately stopped by Sam’s hand on his shoulder.

“Bucky’s got his eyes on someone,” Sam says, immediately centering himself as Bucky’s most hated arch-nemesis.

…Okay, maybe not, but if Bucky didn’t have real problems he would be.

“I do not,” Bucky grumbles, because he knows it’s pointless and Steve is immediately sitting in front of them and leaning in like he’s the last girl at the sleepover.

“Really Buck? That’s great!” Steve says. “Have you…are you going to make a move?”

“No,” Bucky says and quickly runs down the situation, hoping that it will clear things up but knowing his friends too well. Indeed, Sam and Steve share smirks before looking at him again.

“You’re a real hero,” Sam says, only partly joking.

“I hate you,” Bucky says, ducking his head down. He doesn’t really blush anymore, if he ever did, but the motion is instinctive.

“You don’t.”

“I wish I did.”

Steve grins, as does Sam, and Bucky wants to duck into a hole. Goddamn mother hens, they’re going to want to–

“Should we come by?” Sam asks and leans back in his chair. “Be real wingmen?”

“No,” Bucky says, harsher than he means to. Sam and Steve don’t look bothered– they’ve weathered worse emotional snaps than that– but they wait for him to explain and Bucky doesn’t know if he can. Because what if this is leading to something? Is he ready for that? He thinks he might like you, but would he be okay putting in the effort of getting to know you? What if he can’t handle it? What if Steve and Sam walk in and they’re all you see? Both of them are plenty distracting, and charming, while Bucky can hardly put one foot in front of the other, some days. And what if this isn’t leading to anything, you’re just nice, and it’s nice, but Sam and Steve find out and look at him with all the pity they can muster?

“I just…want to see it through. On my own. Whatever this is.” ‘Or could be’ he leaves unspoken, because hoping for anything still feels like too much.

“Okay,” Sam says first, because of course he does, but Steve nods along quickly. It’s enough to make Bucky exhale deeply and relax muscles he didn’t know he had tensed. He rolls his eyes and stands up to cover for it.

“You’ll keep us updated though, right?” Sam asks, an easy grin on his face as he lounges in the chair.

“Like I’ll be able to avoid it,” Bucky mutters, finishes his drink, and lets Sam know they’re okay by throwing the empty cup at his head.

~

The fact that you’re running out of coffee-related jokes is stressing you out. You wanted to keep on theme but too many more days of this and you’ll be scouring the internet for whatever jokes Bucky hasn’t used yet. There are some coffee-related puns, but…the ones you like carry a romantic hint to them, and you were hoping to save those in case Bucky showed any interest. So far you haven’t picked up on anything, but you’re also very oblivious, and your roommate thinks you’re an idiot and he’s obviously into you.

But he might not be.

You do what you’ve been doing since your boss snarked at you about flirting on the clock and get Bucky’s cup ready with maybe your favorite joke.

‘How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.’

And smile proudly at it. Your small handwriting is getting better– Bucky barely has to squint at it this time, and he gives you a conspirator’s smile when he slides his twenty-dollar bill across the counter at you, with the neatest print writing along the margins.

‘What do you call an alligator detective?

An investi-gator.’

It’s cute and you snicker to yourself as you gather his change and place it gently in his gloved hand. He doesn’t retreat to his corner right away, though, and shuffles in place. “I was…I just wanted to say…” But then his eyes glance to your side and his face freezes in an unfortunately familiar way. “Thank you for the coffee,” he says woodenly and raises his cup just so.

“Of course. Have a nice day,” you say as robotically as possible and watch him go. Your supervisor clears his throat pointedly and you pretend like the place isn’t as clean as it was since the last time you went around. But now you’re thinking. About how awkward Bucky looked, and how he mentioned wanting to say something…maybe…maybe he is open. To you. Potentially.

Tomorrow, you decide with a thrill of nauseating adrenaline. Tomorrow you’re going to bring it up.

~

The next day you arrive at the shop at your usual time in the pre-dawn cold only to find an extra padlock on the door and a note in the window.

You stare, dumbfounded, and read the note. You read it again. And again.

‘Out of Business.’

But nobody called you.

You immediately grab your phone and dial your supervisor’s number. When he doesn’t pick up you call it again because this cannot be real. The job was shit but it was a job, and you knew what to expect, and you’ll never see Bucky again, will you?

It takes almost half an hour for the asshole to pick up– or maybe more, as the sun is starting to show up– and upon answering, he snaps, “What?!”

“What happened?” you ask, just as unkindly.

Your boss grumbles unintelligibly but you wait. “Did you see the sign?”

“I was working yesterday; no one mentioned anything about this.”

“Corporate called last night.” He yawns loudly. “I tried to call you.”

That’s a lie if you’ve ever heard one, but your tongue gets tripped up in anger and he says, “Sorry but there’s no room at the other branches for you, your last check is in the mail,” and hangs up.

You stand there for a while, trying to blink away tears at the sudden upheaval of your life. You should have found a replacement job while you had a chance. You should have asked your co-workers where they were going. You should have given Bucky your number.

You stand there for a little while, debating spending money you shouldn’t on a nice breakfast to wallow in, when the sound of footsteps coming up behind you makes you turn around.

“Oh, Bucky,” you say and rub your face. You think you’ve managed to hold it in, but it’s chilly and any exposed skin feels frozen.

“What’s going on?” he asks and peers around you at the note.

“Um…” You gesture uselessly. “Apparently this location is no longer in business. Just found out.”

Bucky’s jaw drops. “That asshole didn’t even call you?!”

The amount of anger on your behalf startles you. Startles both of you, actually, but just as he’s about to say something you laugh and say, “At least that asshole isn’t my problem anymore.” You sigh. You have savings, and the other job, and there’s always some other crappy job waiting for someone like you. But there’s something here that won’t be, and you pull out your phone and start typing. “Um…Bucky…there’s something I wanted to say to you. But it’s hard to say.”

“Okay?” he asks. You squeeze your eyes tight, brace yourself for impending rejection, and hold out your phone.

‘I like you a latte,’ followed by your phone number, hopefully gets the point across. After a few seconds your phone buzzes and you jump and bring it back, hoping no one texted you anything terrible while Bucky was staring at your phone.

It’s a new number, and the text reads, ‘It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.’

You look up at him and he’s smiling, mouth parted slightly, and you start smiling so hard your cheeks hurt. But it’s okay. “I only had two more coffee jokes left before that line,” you confess and save his name to his number.

“Maybe you can tell them to me over breakfast? My treat,” he says and extends his arm.

You don’t even have to think about it. “Your treat this time,” you say, and link your arm with his. “In return, I’m going to show you where to get some good coffee.”

“Oh I don’t know,” he smirks at you. “The last place had its perks.”

Lacking a good comeback, you push your face into his shoulder to muffle your laughter. He leans into you, and doesn’t pull away even when you’ve gotten under control.

It’s the beginning of a brew-tiful relationship.

[demons-fanatic]

Luca: Fish out of Water

Hi guys, this is going to go over the literal entire movie so if you haven't seen the movie... Don't go below!

This post will be a full film analysis of Pixar's new movie, Luca and how it is clearly a Queer Allegory more than anything else.

Disclaimer: This entire post uses Queer in a reclaimed sense, especially in a sense for the entire community. If you do not like that, sorry.

So... Fish People. Luca is a 2021 Film by Pixar and distributed by Disney on Disney+. Unsurprisingly, I did not watch Luca legally and do not ever plan to, I will never give money to a homophobic tyrant such as Disney... Ever. But, I do love this Movie.

So, first things first... Does this Movie really have that much Queer subtext? Yes, it does. It really does and I think it'd be impossible to deny it. According to the Director, the intention was not to be a strictly LGBT reading, as it is just a film about people who are different. Which is true, that's exactly what this movie is about. But with certain key events and even phrases, I find it so hard for the intent not being Queer people specifically.

TL;DR Plot:

The Plot of Luca surrounds the titular Character and his friend, Alberto as they manage to explore the Surface World. Luca and Alberto are Fish People who are also able to transform into Humans once they dry off on Land. This is called "The Change" and it's unclear why this happens.

The Movie starts with Luca going to the surface and meeting Alberto, a fellow Fish Person. They begin to dream about getting a Vespa, or a Motor Scooter. Soon, Luca gets discovered by his Parents for going to the Surface and is almost sent away to the Deep Sea. He leaves and him and Alberto reach Portorossa, a town in the Italian riviera. A town that is very Anti-Fish People.

There, they meet a brattish teenager named Ercole and a younger girl named Giulia. Alberto and Luca learn about a Triathlon event in the town that will net them some money to buy a Vespa.

Giulia introduces the boys to her Father, Massimo; who is very Anti-Fish People.

They boys train and Luca's parents come to search for him. During this time, Alberto during a training session goes awry with the bike and ends up crashing into the Sea with Luca alongside him. They make it but due to a building upset nature, Alberto reveals himself but to his surprise, Luca acts like he didn't know about Alberto's nature. Leaving Alberto to leave back to his tower.

After feeling bad, Luca visits Alberto to apologize but Alberto is too upset to accept much. Luca proclaims he'll win the race to win the Vespa and the next morning he starts the Triathlon slow but builds up in performance. During this, it starts to rain. At the top of a hill, Alberto calls out to Luca but is forced to reveal himself. Luca overcomes his fear and saves Alberto and wins the race.

Though, their identities are found out, Massimo, who has grown attached to Alberto, is accepting of them and so does the town. This creates a welcoming Fish Person Environment in the town and it's also revealed not everyone who appeared human in the town was either.

Finally, Giulia is forced to go back to School, but it turns out Alberto sold the Vespa to buy a Train Ticket so Luca can go to School as he previously expressed interest in. Massimo also practically adopts Alberto. The boys embrace each other in a very impactful event and don't stop looking at each other until they get far away.

The Allegory...

So, there is a lot of detail I left out in that description but on purpose, of course. In this part I'll be detailing all of the parts that allude to Queer allegory and what it means. Of course, most people can think on their own but this is just here to describe the parts of it that stand out.

Firstly, Fish People are obviously just the LGBT community. I mean, people who have to hide their identity out of fear, especially in a fear of being killed? It's basically staring you in the face. Fish People are able to turn into Humans, which is when LGBT members have to blend in. The two Women at the end are sort of the example of LGBT members who have fully assimilated into normal Society, especially in a Homophobic or Transphobic environment or "Comphet" and being Closeted. I personally can identify with this one. Other characters like the Grandmother can be examples of LGBT people who are comfortable enough they don't feel the need to hide but also understand living is better than dying, but have "fun" with it.

Massimo is definitely an example of the Homophobes or Transphobes who wholly make it their entire personality to hate on Gay People or Transgender People but they're actually exactly like that or one of them. Of course, Massimo isn't a Fish Person but soon after it's shown in the Credits he immediately becomes very accepting especially after having to confront with himself the person he found himself attached to like his own Child, was what he once hated.

Giulia is just an example of an Ally, someone who may not be LGBT but fully supports them. Most people if they hear about how bad something is their entire life will be afraid once first faced with it but she almost immediately becomes accepting after learning Luca is also a Fish Person, trying to protect him.

The Betrayal of Luca to Alberto is a good example of internalized Homophobia and fear of also being found out. As I will describe later, Luca and Alberto are a CLEAR example of a Queer Romantic Relationship. When Alberto reveals himself, Luca found himself in a situation of extreme pressure and anxiety. He just found a life he could be potentially be living and instead of revealing himself as a Fish Person(Queer...) he instead "plays it safe" as he sees it in his mind and acts like he had no idea Alberto was a Fish Person(Queer, again...). It's something that does happen in real life, unfortunately, being outed or having people just like you, reject you, even if they are exactly like you.

The Parents of Luca are representative of Closeted People and the fear that if you out yourself, you can at any point be rejected to the point of even death. It's this fear the perpetually stagnates and personal growth. Of course, in real life there really are situations where you cannot come out for decades in fear of the same thing. And it's not like his(Luca's) parents had a reason not the fear the same.

Ercole, obviously just represents a full homophobe or transphobe. Someone who is unwilling to change and will continue to be homophobic and never question himself even when people near him are accepting. He also represents the power someone who is homophobic may have. Even if the other people who he influences aren't homophobic or transphobic.

This one is a bit rocky, but the Vespa is possible an allegory for the idealized "Vehicle" of escape... If you've seen Adolescence of Utena, it's the exact same thing. However, in this one this Vehicle is achieved but then lost, willingly. It becomes a Vehicle still in the way that it helps Alberto and Luca in their lives, finding their own Paths. It helps them both in the beginning to realize a goal of escape or betterment then near the end kicks off Luca's path and Alberto's.

Lastly, we have Luca and Alberto themselves... Now, as I said before, they are a clear representation of a Queer Relationship, specifically a Gay Relationship. You can interpret it as a Platonic Relationship, but I do it in the romantic Sense. Yes, I am aware the boys never confess ever or do anything very romantic, like kissing or holding hands. But throughout the movie, it's clear, very clear. They start out with Luca become attracted to his ideals and his mission and both of them soon form a Mission where they want to do the Vehicle of escape as I just mentioned. Soon after almost being sent away, Alberto and Luca go to Portorossa together and continue to build their relationship. Alberto and Luca defend each other and obviously care about each other. Soon after, Giulia and Luca grow a closer bond but nothing as close as Luca and Alberto. It's obvious that Alberto really likes Luca. Like, really obvious because this goes on until Alberto crashes him and Luca into the Sea and then the betrayal scene happens. During that scene it's clear that Alberto is extremely hurt, like really hurt. It reminds him that not only is he the "Bad" one in his head, the only person he thought he cared for(or loved) would willing to betray(out) him so that he can assimilate safely into Human(Heterosexual) culture. It definitely makes him feel bad and revert a bit back into a lone wolf mindset. Nearing the end, Alberto comes back nearing the end of the race with an Umbrella to help Luca win. But he ends up being tripped and revealed as a Fish Person. This is definitely just forced outing, it's quite obvious. But then Luca overcomes his fears and basically dreams of a normal life to safe his Friend(or Boyfriend, whichever you want). Luckily for them, due to Massimo seeing how much of a good person Alberto is, instead of attacking the boys, he accepts them as he realizes they're nothing like he thought. On the movies' downside, the town does fortunately accept the boys and all the Fish People. This isn't really realistic in any sense but, it does just explain a theory of mass acceptance if one let goes of their prejudice. The Grandmother in the following scene also explains a perfect Queer-like line:

"Some people will accept him, some never will. But he knows how to find the good ones." (Not an exact quote...)

I think to anyone who is in a marginalized group, specifically LGBT for this case, will relate to this line. It's very basic, but means a lot. It's also a strong reason why I feel like despite everything officially said, with everything else, this IS a Queer intended allegory.

Finally, the end scene at the Train is a good one and explains how Alberto and Luca after finding themselves and growing as people, they find their own way and are happy about it. Alberto and Luca hug, devastated at the fact they have to leave each other, even temporarily. It's sad and very real. Leaving your lover even for the betterment of yourself is extremely heartbreaking and you don't think you can do it at first, especially if you've been through a lot together.

Final Thoughts

So, I know I am not the only one that has seen everything I just said. In fact, the film's popularity right now seems to be exactly because of that. Not to mention the Movie's visuals are fantastic as well as the music.

You don't have to view this as a Queer reading, but I find it almost impossible not to and I, again, am not the only one. You can view it as basically any marginalized group, especially the ones that have to keep their identity hidden. I do think it's great this movie can bring a good allegory and subtext about a possible Gay MLM Relationship even if unintentional. I know Disney would not allow it, but I hope in the planned sequels they do a bit more of subtext. Of course, not to the point of Queerbait. But, we'll see. I think that Pixar has an amazing opportunity to try and slip by the censors... But probably not. It is good, though, that the director openly accepts a Queer Reading, so we're not left in the dark with someone trying to deny all Queerness.

_________

If you read this, thanks! I might update this post with more or edit it to clear things up. If you want to follow me, go ahead. But I just normally do Soulsborne lore posts so you won't find much here. I am not a Pixar or Disney person either, I just did this so I can talk about gay fish.

[sapropel]

The main things that turned me off of conversion for now were

1. I have alot of shit on my plate and am low income as a result so finding a place that will help might be hard because locally there really aren't any synagogues around

2. The synagogue I did find locally was uhhh...... Hhhhh. Their web page had a huge section about Israel in a positive light..

I love the religion, I love certain values it holds however I refuse to align with anyone who justifies colonialism and bloodshed against another group of people while ignoring past bloodshed done onto themselves. It makes 0 sense to me and is highly hypocritical.

Hypocrisy was one of the reasons I hated Christianity so much. Constantly causing bloodshed, huge present and past history of colonialism, huge present day history of wanting people like me who are gay or trans dead and in the ground.

the difference with Christianity is that there isn't even a present day persecution or justified worry of safety despite the fact that I've seen jack chick esque evangelical fuckers unironically act like they're holocaust survivors whenever a pride parade happens within 1 mile of them.

It makes me sad, I don't see the point in colonizing or maiming a group of people who should be your equals.

It's racist at best, dangerous and actively contributing to more death and violence at worst.

The thing is there isn't really a "point." It creates its own point. Real actionable Zionist sentiment was basically non-existent until the rise of European nationalism. It's literally the exact same brand of nationalism that gave birth to fascist Italy and other great failures of modernity. And when "Israel" was a proto-state basically its entire existence was contingent upon its continued usefulness to Britain as a tool of control over India through the Suez. Zionist claims to the land are super shaky at best and straight up revisionist at worst. Post-facto Israel has tried to give itself legitimacy through fearmongering, genocide, and forging alliances with other imperialist powers. It's doing what America did (and is doing) but it's happening in the age of mass media and we are all watching colonial revisionism happen in real time.

If you are letting the prevalence of Zionism keep you from Judaism, I would say you should keep thinking about it. If you treat Judaism as too thoroughly engulfed in Zionism, you do the work of Zionists for them--you legitimize their claim that Judaism is Zionism is Israel. You legitimize the idea that anti-Zionism is antisemitism which is incidentally exactly how my local rabbis have been fucking me over since June. You are of course totally within your rights not to convert to a religion that doesn't work for you, but I hope you rethink the implication that converting to Judaism is akin to aligning with Zionism.

And yeah, Zionist hypocrisy is a systematic issue within American Jewish institutions in a feedback loop with Jewish populations. Any institutional apparatus is going to have systematic issues that reflect the dominant discourse of the greater cultural framework--mainstream Jewish institutions are going to, both by the nature of maintaining relevancy in America and by the natures of fearmongering and cultural amnesia, have a vested interest in participating in capitalism, imperialism, racism... You are not going to find mainstream insitutions that don't perpetuate them. That's why they're dominant. You are no more aligning yourself with Zionism by going to a synagogue than you are aligning yourself with capitalism by shopping at Wal-Mart. Anything you meaningfully do in public is in some way going to be "problematic" on some level because public space is designed to keep itself alive by those values.

It's exhausting to make yourself never come close to anyone or anything bad at all--refusing to associate with anyone with a problematic ideology is a doomed enterprise. I've been there. A lot of Zionist sentiment is implanted in people's minds with lifelong propaganda and destructive mind control techniques, and it's important to recognize that. That doesn't mean Zionist adults don't have a responsibility to unlearn it, but I think it's possible to have compassion for people who do try to do their best with improving themselves. Most people you meet want to be good and don't want to be willfully ignorant. I try to think about how difficult it is to convince the average well-meaning white American of the merits of decolonization/land back. Most well-meaning Zionist Jews are going to feel the same way about Israel--actual systematic justice and decolonization are not in their lexicons. Decolonization is hidden behind thought-stopping techniques that they have been inundated with from day 1. But most people do have a basic sense of goodness and are willing to sacrifice something for it. Most people are willing to give ground for the sake of human decency. The only way I can survive talking to people I know are Zionists is by understanding that we both want the world to be a better place and if I dwell on the specifics of how I perceive them to be evil, the possibility of us having a working relationship and any hope at productive dialogue drops to zero.

You don't have to be patient with Zionists or Zionist institutions. You don't have to forgive them. You don't even have to be compassionate. But you do need to understand, intellectually, that imposed cognitive dissonance is a very powerful tool of mind control (and I'm not talking about woo-woo shit I'm extrapolating from cult research and personal experience) and that the pathos of Zionism isn't supposed to be logical. Fear trumps hypocrisy. Fatigue trumps informed consent. Charisma trumps logic. Any bigoted ideology is going to fall apart under logical scrutiny, and that's why the only battleground for maintaining bigotry is necessarily charismatic and emotional.

We haven't yet, of course, acknowledged that there are also tons of anti-Zionist Jews and that the concept isn't absurd or fringe, no matter what the dominant Zionist discourse says. It's important for us not to let Zionists be the stewards of Judaism--Zionists do not OWN Judaism. Just like the most Orthodox of Jews also don't OWN Judaism. Judaism is only what you make it to be, and if you leave it alone because you are too worried about Zionism, that is all Judaism is ever going to be for you. Of course, you still have to contend with Zionism, and if you actually are interested in being a Jew, you would have to find a way not to let it kill your Judaism. I've come close (ish) to giving up on Judaism a couple of times because of Israel and Zionism, but I'm glad I haven't. I've stuck it out long enough to give myself to tools I need to separate the two and see the situation with more clarity.

[bffsoobin]

Iced Chai

↳ you had a small obsession with drinking iced chai lattes between class, and it just so happened that the coffee store on campus had the best ones. when a new barista replaces the one who used to make your drink, you put him to the test. he makes the most wonderful iced chai you’d ever had. he’s also one of the most handsome boys you ever seen on campus.

➤ fluff, college!au, shy barista!hueningkai

Word Count:3,830

A/N: yes, this fic is very much influenced by my massive love for iced chai lattes and the way I consumed them up until March when we had to leave campus. Sadly I didn’t have any cute boys serving me :(. Anywho, I hope you enjoy it! Please keep in mind that I haven’t proofread, so there may be some small mistakes!

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:••:•.•

Calculus was a pain in the ass. Obviously, you knew this well before you scheduled for your freshmen year of college, but there was no way to avoid the reality handed to you by your major. So every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning at 8 am you endured the rambling lectures of your less than spry professor who could barely work his desktop computer. You tried your best to pay attention, you really did, but there was only so much you could do when the conversation shifted from tangent lines to the best way to reheat fast food french fries.

As you doodled in the margins of your lined notebook, your mind wandered to the only good thing sitting through this class does for you. Other than the credits. As soon as the clock struck 9am, you had a date with the on campus café. The roughly hour break between the end of calculus and the beginning of chemistry gave you the perfect window to enjoy some alone time. Homey, student run and always playing some version of a coffee shop playlist; the place was your haven on campus. Not only did you love the atmosphere and the fact that it was the best place on campus to study, but they also serve the best iced chai latte you’d ever encountered. The thought of the drink alone made your mouth salivate. From your first hesitant order, you had become hooked. Within your first week on campus, you had easily drank 10 cups of the chilled goodness before your roommate expressed concern for the sheer amount of sugar and dairy you’d been consuming. 

Due to the timing of your tri-weekly trips, you had always been served by the same lovely barista, Rachael. She was stylish, down to earth and always told you a good joke when you showed up looking especially out of it. Most importantly, something about the way she mixed the drink convinced you that she surely was sent from the heavens.

When your graying professor finally let your class go for the day, you walked on clouds to your favorite spot on campus. It had rained during class so the air was chilled and the ground was still damp. The telltale scent of rain invaded your senses and a chill ran through you. Most people would be craving a hot coffee or steaming cup of tea- but all you desired was the smooth flavor of your favorite drink. The walk to your beloved café wasn’t long, but you always found yourself in a bit of a rush to get there as soon as you possibly could. In a moment of carelessness, you stepped right into a rather large puddle and soaked one of your feet right through your shoes and your sock. Disgusting you thought as you finally arrived at the door. The handle was slick with moisture thanks to the weather, but you wiped your hand onto your sweatshirt as you stepped inside and let the familiar scent of coffee grounds occupy your mind. Your shoulders relaxed simply at the relaxed atmosphere.

A few students who also frequented around this time were sitting at their usual tables, and you waved at them politely before taking yourself- and your squelching shoe- over to the small booth you’d come to know and love. You ditched your bookbag on the table with a thud, feeling secure with the knowledge of your agreement with the girl who sat at the table next to you to keep an eye on your things. 

As you headed toward the counter, you belatedly noticed that the line seemed a bit more backed up than usual. It wasn’t too big of a concern, as your college was relatively small and waiting an extra five minutes would by no means ruin your timing. It was just curious. Usually Rachael ran the counter with the ease of an experienced sailor, but that ease seemed to be missing today. Nevertheless, the line inched forward steadily. Engrossed in your phone, you hadn’t noticed the glaring difference in your routine until you got to the cash register. While placing your plastic ID card over the scanner, you chirped “just my usual, Rachael!” 

Despite what your mind told you would happen next- she would laugh, say okay, maybe ask about class while handing over a receipt- you were met with an awkward stutter that your trusty barista certainly didn’t make. 

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know your usual,” upon finally looking up, your brain processed the sight of a new boy. A new gorgeous boy. Did they only hire beautiful people here? His black hair was falling into his eyes, charmingly shaggy and exposing just enough of his forehead to make you oddly wish you could see more. His cheeks were dusted in a light pink blush that both charmed you and made you feel bad at the same time. He seemed so fresh. Upon further inspection, you caught his handmade name tag written in slightly shaky handwriting that was so cutely boyish. Hueningkai. He had decorated one corner with a smiley face and the other with a drawing of a coffee bean that looked suspiciously like nothing more than a dark brown blob with a small accent line down the middle. 

“I’m sorry, Hueningkai,” you didn’t miss the way his eyes widened slightly at the use of his name, “usually Rachael is here to take my order. But I’ll take a large iced chai latte, please.” He nodded quickly, reverting his eyes to the LED screen which his eyes bounced around for a few seconds before he finally found the correct button. This must have been why the line seemed abnormally long. As the sound of your receipt printing filled the silence, you asked; “first day?” 

A melodious laugh fell from his lips, causing a scrunch of his perfectly pointed nose that you felt honored to have seen as he stepped away from the register to start making your drink. “That obvious, huh?” Another worker came to take his spot and serve the next student but you followed Hueningkai to his new destination. For as shy as he was at the cash register, he moved with much more confidence when it came to actually making drinks. His earlier hesitation was totally gone as he got to work mixing up your drink. In his new position, you could get a better look at his hands, adorned in simple silver jewelry that embarrassingly made your breath catch in your throat. His actions were over almost as quickly as they began, and his earlier hesitation seemed to return as he slid the drink to you over the granite counter top. You grasped at it eagerly in the same moment he reached to balance a straw on top of the lid. 

For a brief moment your fingers lingered and your mind went wild at the absurdity that you honestly felt sparks pass between the two of you. 

“Oh, uh, sorry,” he mumbled, dipping his head down awkwardly as he finally tore his hand away. You smiled back earnestly, hoping to make him understand that you weren’t bothered at all by the contact. 

Back at the safety of your table, you took a second to collect yourself. Surely you were overreacting to the small interaction. After all, you were already having a pretty weird day. Looking down at your clear cup, you remembered the beginning of your dilemma- the absence of amazing barista Rachael. Hueningkai was adorable, but could his skills hold up to the woman who made drinks you literally dreamed about? Tentatively, you took a sip of the drink and immediately cocked your head to the side. On the off chance your taste buds had totally deceived you, you took another long swig from the cup. 

Hueningkai’s drink was even better than Rachael’s.

——

The next morning, you awoke before your alarm even started to beep. Thursdays meant no class until 1 o’clock, so you had almost all the time in the world to catch up on assignments and homework and do your errands. Instead of doing anything constructive, you found yourself craving yet another iced chai latte. As you voiced this desire to your roommate, she looked at you as if you’d just admitted to the murder of 4 people.

“Are you insane? Do you not remember how miserable you felt after drinking two a day? I can’t let you do that again. You can go to the café but at least drink something different!” You knew that she was right, but something inside of you- that shitty little perpetual teenage boy who hides in a corner of your mind- told you to do the exact opposite of what she said.

“I’m sorry,” you shuffled through the shirts hanging in your closet, the sound of the plastic hangers clicking together resonating in the otherwise quiet room. “But you have to go to class so there’s no way you can police me. Plus,” you pulled a shirt out of your closet and slid over to your cheap full length mirror to inspect yourself. “You didn’t see Hueningkai. He is...” your cheeks flushed as your roommate began to let out a high pitched squeal. “Shhh! The walls are thin!”

“Oh don’t act so scandalized. I guess it makes sense that you’d have a crush on the boy who feeds your addiction.” You rolled your eyes at her, lobbing a pair of rolled up socks in her direction in retaliation. They hit her side softly before bouncing to the floor dejectedly. “You,” she pointed a finger your way as you rooted through your drawer for a pair of jeans, “are ridiculous. Have fun with your dreamy boy while I’m at class.”

Despite the familiarity of the path to the café, you still felt a bit out of place making the trip on a Thursday. Even the other students passing you by felt wrong in a way you couldn’t quite place. There was also the lingering worry that Hueningkai wasn’t even working today, and you’d show up to the small building just for a dose of disappointment. In you worried haze, you had barely noticed you arrived until the door was pushed open from the inside and a small pack of students held the door aside for you.

Inside of the building, a blanket of warm air surrounded your form and the faint smell of cinnamon drifted easily through the air. You were instantly calmed by the scent until someone bumped into your shoulder. With wide eyes, you looked around to see about double the amount of people your usual visits yielded. You were in no way prepared for the absolute mass of bodies that filtered between the tables and comfortable sitting areas. 

Feeling a bit lost, you put yourself into the line of waiting students and tried your best to peer over heads and around bodies to see if you could catch a glimpse of the barista that had captivated you so easily. It didn’t look like he was making drinks, but you held out hope that he was manning the register that was blocked from your sight. After what felt like forever, you reached the register and came face to face with...not Hueningkai. Despite your disappointment, there was no way you would turn down a drink, even made by a non-Hueningkai. 

Once you had the chilled cup cradled in your hands, you took a hopeless look around at the full dining room. Almost every table looked to be occupied, and some students had even resorted to leaning against the walls to chat and sip their drinks. The back of your neck began to heat up as you wandered around hoping for anyone to decide they were done and get up to leave. You had almost given up and decided to just go back to your dorm and lick your metaphorical wounds when a voice called your name. It only took a second of looking around to lock eyes with the one who was calling for you. 

Hueningkai. He had a light blush filling his cheeks as he waved a hand noncommittally your way. He looked ethereal sitting at the table, hot cup of something steaming next to his sticker covered laptop. His eyes were wide and adorably eager; akin to the look of a puppy who had just seen their owner after a long day. Your feet were working before your brain, so when you arrived to the table you had to scramble for an opener. 

“Hey! I was looking for you!” you winced. Way to go, Y/N. Out yourself on the second meeting. “I mean, uh,” you felt the cup in your hand start to slip with the sweat your palms produced, “I was hoping you’d make my drink again.” 

A smile spread like wildfire on Hueningkai’s face and his eyes crinkled adorably in the corners.

“You liked it that much?” His voice was meek, oddly shy for the way he beamed up at you with so much ease. 

“Yeah! It was really good. Even better than Rachael’s, to be honest.”

“Really? She was the best barista here!” He brought a hand up to his mouth in shock. 

“Yeah, really! Anyway, I can get going if you...you look busy,” you gestured toward his open laptop and drink that you were sure was rapidly cooling the longer you distracted him. 

“No!” he blurted the word before visibly flinching at his actions. At least it wasn’t just you feeling like a fumbling idiot. “I called you over cause it looked like you needed a seat? And if you want to sit with me, you can. I’m just working on a presentation and you won’t distract me, I promise.” There was no way you could deny the eagerness lacing his voice, so you pulled the chair opposite him across the floor and settled in. 

----

“That sounds like a date. A hangout at the very least,” your roommate asserted as she typed some code into her computer. 

“It was not a date!” You whined, glaring up at your ceiling from your spot on your twin XL. “He just saw me looking for a place to sit and offered.” She scoffed. 

“Yeah, and then he proceeded to ignore his homework to talk to you. And then he asked if you were coming back to the cafe tomorrow. And then he-” 

“Okay, I get it! But what am I supposed to do? Ask him out?” A bubble of nerves was resting heavily in your stomach at the thought. As much as you liked him, who were you to think that he wasn’t just being kind? When you voiced this concern to your roommate, she tossed her computer to the side and strode over to your bed to not-so-gently pull you out of it. Without an idea of what she was doing, you stood dumbly until she put on her slippers and drug you out of your room. 

“What are you doing? I didn’t even put my slippers on!” Your sock covered feet slid across the tile of the hallway as your roommate finally hauled you into the common room of your floor, where a few small groups had gathered to do various activities. 

“Hi everyone! My lovely roommate Y/N and I have a question for you. Do any of you know Hueningkai? He works at the cafe, really tall, music major?” A few people nodded in confusion, surely wondering why the hell one of the polite tenants of room 112 was conducting some kind of survey in the lounge. 

“Great. Has he ever shown interest in any of you? Asked you to sit with him in the cafe? Spent about an hour inquiring about your life instead of quietly working? Gave you his number?” Everyone who had previously nodded stood still, not moving an inch as they whispered between each other. “Okay, that’s all!” Your roommate left with no further elaboration as you called out a weak apology to everyone. Back in the safety of your room, you stared at her, scandalized. 

“What was that?” 

“That, my dear Y/N, was proof. He likes you!”

----

A nervousness you hadn’t felt since move in day was crawling through your body the closer the clock ticked to 9 am. Theoretically, you could just skip going to get a drink today, and therefore avoid the source of your nerves; but you knew that Hueningkai was expecting you to show. He had even sent you an eager text this morning with a series of heart wrenchingly adorable emojis. There was no way you could avoid him after that. 

Late fall weather had surely settled in today and you felt the chill settle into your bones as soon as you stepped out of the math building. For a few seconds, you stopped to watch a rough breeze rustle browning leaves across the concrete paths of campus before simply digging your hands further into your pockets. You had to power your way through this. Worse case scenario, he says no and you can never show your face on campus again. Simple. 

The door felt especially heavy under your hands as you hauled it open. The much more familiar, sparsely populated shop greeted you but only ratcheted up your nerves. With less people milling around, there was no way to delay your conversation with Hueningkai. As soon as you began to approach the counter, you could see him stumble over to the register before the other working student could even attempt to. He tried to casually lean his elbow onto the half wall to his left, but he miscalculated and ended up shyly tucking his hands into the front pocket of his apron. 

“Hi,” you swallowed the lump in your throat and hoped that he hadn’t notice the shake in your voice. The familiar beep of the card reader interrupted your worries momentarily as you heard the boy in front of you exhale a greeting. 

“Your usual?” He inquired as if he hadn’t already seen you with the drink two days in a row. Not trusting your voice, you simply nodded and waited for him to punch the order into the screen. His hand hesitated as he glanced up at you again. “You’re the only person I know still ordering cold drinks in this weather,” a teasing smile had blossomed on his pink lips and your heart jumped at the sight. 

“Well, I guess I’m just a bit stuck in my ways,” you followed him, as always, to the other side of the counter where orders were placed when finished. 

“I like that,” he commented as he grabbed a cup, “it makes my job a whole lot easier,” your eyes locked onto his hands out of instinct. Yesterday you had noticed the addition of a thin silver chain around his wrist, and you would be lying if you hadn’t spent a few minutes admiring the delicate chain contrasted against the strength of his hands. A pour of ice pulled you out of your thoughts, and you caught the back half of a question from him. 

“What’d you say?” You felt as if lava was bubbling right under the surface of your skin as you reeled in embarrassment. You couldn’t believe that you’d let yourself miss a chunk of conversation for something so stupid. 

“Oh,” he seemed equally embarrassed that you hadn’t heard him, and it hurt your heart a little to see the way his eyes shook. “I just wanted to know if you had a good night yesterday. I mean because you-you told me when we hung out that you had a lot of reading to do, and I wasn’t sure if you got it all done. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with readings that I don’t do any of them, and Taehyun yells at me for that but I just can’t seem to stop doing it.” He was rambling, and you both knew it, but you let him continue as he shyly looked away in order to pour your drink over the ice. 

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I had an okay night. My roommate was a bit much, but I love her, so it was okay.” His eyebrow quirked softly at the mention of your roommate, but he seemed afraid to broach the subject just yet. He gave your drink a good swirl after sealing on the lid and slid it over the smooth counter to your waiting hand. Unlike the first time you had met, you had already grabbed a straw from the small display and plunged it into the drink. 

Although you should have walked away, something kept you rooted to the spot, Hueningkai seemed to be under the same kind of spell as he looked over his shoulder to see that no one else had lined up to be served quite yet. 

“Hey, I was wonderi-”

“This might be weird-”

Your sentences clashed in the air as you spoke at the exact same time. Your mouth hung open like a fish out of water and Hueningkai waved his hands around wildly in your direction. “Go ahead!” He enthused, looking as if he was going to melt into the floor as a side effect of interrupting you. 

“No, I mean, you can say your thing first, if you- if you want,” you offered weakly. 

“No, it’s okay, you definitely spoke first. G-go ahead,” he nodded rapidly in order to convince you further. You raised your eyebrows in a silent question of ‘are you sure?’, to which he nodded again. 

“Okay, I was wondering if you’d like to, uhm, go out sometime? On a date?” The words felt like weights rolling off of your tongue. Hueningkai blinked once, twice, a third time before he broke into a peal of laughter. A sudden wash of panic, as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over your head, filled your senses. This was it. You would have to transfer schools and change your hair color to get rid of this incident. Goodbye, life you had come to know and love. 

Hueningkai must have recognized your panic as he took a harsh breath and surged forward to reach for your arm. 

“Wait! I wasn’t laughing at you! It’s just that I was, um, also going to ask you out.” This time, a laugh bubbled up in your throat at the confession. 

“You’re right. That is pretty hilarious.” You admitted, feeling the tension around you totally dissipate. 

“Well, I think this bodes well for us. We’ve only known each other for a few days and we already have telepathy. My roommate will be so jealous. He’s been trying to meld our minds for weeks.” His personality was beginning to peak through when he spoke about his friends, you noticed. It was charming. He was charming. Not to mention, he still made the best damn iced chai latte you’d ever had. 

[howtofightwrite]

Q&A: Gunshot Pain

How much does getting shot actually hurt? I’ve heard lots of anecdotes about it just feeling like a punch, or the person not even noticing it, but that probably has a lot to do with adrenaline, I imagine. It almost certainly varies by Caliber, but in general how much does it really hurt?

ride-ai

Mercifully, I can’t speak from personal experience. I’ve had guns pointed at me, but I’ve never been shot.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t seem to vary much based on caliber. The body doesn’t know what to do with a bullet wound, so the victim will feel the impact, they know they’ve been hit by something, but may not realize they’ve been shot.

Adrenaline does mute the experience of pain, I can speak from personal experience there. However, with gunshots this seems to reduce the burning sensation. So, a bullet in flight is going to be quite hot. This is also true with spent shell casings. Again, I’ve never felt a bullet in flight, but fresh shell casings are unpleasant. If you’re putting a lot of rounds down range, it’s possible to burn yourself on the weapon. (We could do an entire discussion on the engineering to managing heat in firearms. It’s a real challenge in firearms design.)

The testimony I’m looking at, frequently equates the injury with either being struck by a large blunt object (baseball bat, hammer, ect.), a sharp jabbing pain, comparable to a bee or wasp sting, a burning sensation or some combination of the three. This appears to be (at least partially) agnostic of whether they were experiencing an adrenaline rush at the time. (This is a little tricky to quantify, because I’m having to make educated guesses.) My suspicion is that the exact point of contact determines which you’ll experience, but I do not know.

So, the short answer to, “how much does it hurt?” seems to be, “not much,” with a lot of caveats.

If a bullet hits a nerve, things can go really wrong. This can result in paralysis, numbness, or constant pain (ranging from a mild annoyance, to perpetual agony.) This damage can be persistent and the victim will continue to experience it for the rest of their life. Nerve hits can also result in an electrical (or tingling) sensation from the wound. (Though, I haven’t seen one of these as a persistent wound, it’s probably possible.)

Shrapnel is worse. If the bullet ricochets and carves up the skin, it will hurt quite a bit. (Incidentally, this also applies to explosives.) The testimonial I’m seeing meshes with my experience from knife wounds. There’s little to no pain in the moment, but it’s starts seriously hurting shortly afterwards. (Again, this is not the result of adrenaline muting the sensation. It simply takes a little while for the body to catch up and start yelling at you.)

Shrapnel can also present a long-term complication. It is possible to end up with shrapnel that cannot be safely extracted. This can result in a persistent pain from the embedded chunk of metal.

Ironically, in some cases, the stippling hurts more than the gunshot itself. This is the unburned powder ejected from the muzzle when firing. Gunpowder burns at around 2700 Fahrenheit. I don’t know the exact temperature of the stippling after it leaves the barrel, but it’s going to cause burns at close range. (Postmortem, this can be useful to estimate the distance between the shooter and victim.) These won’t cause serious injuries in most cases. You’re dealing with flaming particles. However, it will hurt. Heavy clothing can soak that, though it will be damaged.

There’s a related situation. I don’t have any victim testimony on this one, but I’ve seen it enough times in autopsy photos and medical reference. When the muzzle of a firearm is pressed into the victim, the burning gasses are forced into the wound. This will form a bubble just under the skin, tearing in a star shaped pattern. Again, I can’t find anyone explaining what this feels like, but, I’m willing to bet it’s singularly unpleasant.

Long term, any lasting damage is something the victim will have to live with. Damage to bones or nerves can result in lifelong impairment and pain. Even in the short term, gunshot wounds need to be carefully managed to heal properly.

Every gunshot wound, and victim, is unique. I’m also fully willing to admit, the number of reports I could find is limited. (I’m also rather annoyed because one collection I read was a shameless repost from an r/AskReddit thread.) This isn’t a topic people like to talk about openly, so when I’m talking about, “why,” that’s semi-educated guesses.

I hope this helps, and if anyone has some personal experiences they’d like to share, I’ll collect those in a follow-up.

-Starke

This blog is supported through Patreon. If you enjoy our content, please consider becoming a Patron. Every contribution helps keep us online, and writing. If you already are a Patron, thank you.

Q&A: Gunshot Pain was originally published on How to Fight Write.

[vulcan-highblood]

You Belong With (someone better than) Me

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: T

Pairing: Umino Iruka / Hatake Kakashi

Chapters: 1/3

Summary: Exasperated with the ever-increasing number of well-meaning but annoying busybodies who seem to think he needs a man in his life, Iruka finally breaks down and asks Kakashi to be his fake-boyfriend in order to keep the wannabe-matchmakers off his back. 

The only problem is, Kakashi turns out to be a much better boyfriend than Iruka anticipated.

Read it on AO3

[For @the-umino-hours 1-year anniversary prompt: Fake Dating/Marriage]

Chapter 1: Will You Be My (Fake) Boyfriend? Please Check _Yes or _No

“That’s all from me,” Iruka lifted his eyes from the grade report he’d finished reading off, wrapping up his fifth student feedback report of the night. “Did you have any other questions about your daughter’s progress, Nakamura-san?” Iruka asked, gently closing the folder of Kanade’s information and handing it across the desk to her mother, who accepted it with both hands. 

“I did have one question,” she said, “It’s not about Kanade, but…” she tucked the folder into her bag and dug around for a moment before withdrawing a small photograph. “I wanted to tell you about the nice young man in this picture. He’s my cousin, Kotaro. A weaponsmith.” She wiggled her eyebrows conspiratorially. “He’s got a strong back and a lot of stamina, if you know what I mean.”

Iruka knew exactly what she meant. Face heating, he accepted the photo, sparing a quick glance down at it. He’d seen the man - Kotaro, apparently - around the village. He was tall and muscular, with wide shoulders and soft eyes. A rather unfortunate bit of facial hair, but Iruka wasn’t one to hold that against someone. Everyone had their idiosyncrasies. “I’m sure he’s very nice,” Iruka said weakly, tucking the picture into one of the drawers in his teaching desk. 

“Oh he is,” Nakamura-san insisted, leaning forward. “His contact information is on the back of the photo. If you’re interested.”

I’m very much not, but I suppose I appreciate the sentiment? Iruka thought tiredly, forcing a smile. “Thank you for your consideration,” he said. “As for Kanade-chan…?”

“Oh, she loves your class, and she’s been improving steadily, as you noted,” Nakamura-san said, finally taking her cue to leave. “Thank you for everything you do for her, Iruka-sensei.”

“Of course,” Iruka said, rising also and bowing politely. “It’s my honor to do so.” He held the bow as she crossed the room.

“Oh,” Nakamura-san paused at the door, “Just so you know, Kotaro’s usually only free on Sundays.” She turned and winked at Iruka. “But for you, I’m sure he could make an exception.”

“Ah,” Iruka said awkwardly, bowing again to avoid eye contact, “Yes. Thank you for the information.”

As soon as she was gone, Iruka flopped back into his chair and groaned loudly, covering his face with his hands. He still had another three days of parent-teacher conferences to look forward to, and that was his ninth proposition-by-proxy this week. What was it about being a single male teacher that made all of the village busybodies come out in droves? It didn’t make sense. Iruka wasn’t particularly clever or talented, and he certainly didn’t have much in the way of disposable income. So why had it come to this? He yanked open the desk drawer, staring forlornly down at the small mountain of photos residing there. He didn’t have the heart to throw any of them away, but at this point he was starting to run out of room for actual teaching aids in the drawer. Clearly, something had to be done about the situation. But what? 

Start dating? With what free time? Iruka was barely making ends meet with his punishing schedule as it was, he didn’t have time to date anyone. That’s why he was still single! He barely had time to take Naruto out for ramen between his missions, and woe to any man who thought Iruka would prioritize a date over spending time with the growing boy. 

But this was starting to get ridiculous, Iruka thought, shutting the drawer a bit more forcefully than was strictly necessary. No one had been so invested in his personal life when he’d been running missions. He paused, considering that for a moment, and decided that yes, it wasn’t just rosy hindsight. While his friends had given him some grief about being the perpetually single third-wheel, he hadn’t really been close enough to anyone else in the village to warrant that level of attention. So maybe it was more a problem of visibility? Iruka was almost always in the village these days - teaching, working the mission desk, taking Naruto for ramen… yes, the real problem here was that people were entirely too familiar with Iruka, so he bore the brunt of Konoha villagers’ well-meaning but excruciating attempts at matchmaking.

But how to get it to stop? He couldn’t even bear to throw out the useless photos, so telling them to their face that he didn’t have time for their matchmaking was out of the question. But he had equally little time to devote to deterring them! What he needed was something that would require very little effort, but would have significant enough visibility and impact to be both noted and respected by the villagers.

Packing up his supplies, Iruka considered his options. He could buy a fake engagement ring, but people were bound to start asking around about his mysterious fiancée. Worse yet, if it ever got out that the ring was a fake, he’d be back to square one, but instead of giggling it would be pitying stares and sympathetic hand-pats that accompanied the photos. It wasn’t that Iruka couldn’t get a date, and a fake ring might give the mistaken impression that Iruka thought he couldn’t get anyone without faking it. The issue here wasn’t a failure to get a date, but rather a lack of willingness to pursue the option. 

Could he get a fake boyfriend? Iruka immediately dismissed the idea. For one thing, he couldn’t afford an escort. And if anyone found out the boyfriend was fake, he’d be in the exact same position as he would be in with the fake ring - pity and hand-pats. No thank you.

Grumbling under his breath, Iruka gave the classroom a once-over, plucking a stray shuriken out of the wall and wiping the blackboards down one more time before letting himself out and shutting the door. He glanced at the hall clock and winced. It was late. By the time he managed to cook something, it would be too late to digest it properly. Besides, he had homework assignments to grade, and if he spent an hour or more buying ingredients and making an actual meal, he wouldn’t be getting to sleep until midnight. Then he would be getting up at six, rushing through breakfast and back at the Academy by seven to prep for classes. Ugh. 

Iruka decided he’d rather sleep an extra hour than go to the effort of preparing a healthy meal (especially since his healthy meals always ended up tasting terrible), so he headed in the direction of the nearest shop that offered carry-out meals. He picked up something with vegetables and a lean protein to feel like he was at least wasting money on healthy pre-prepared food. It was cheaper to cook his own, but at what cost? Iruka needed his sleep, especially with several more days of parent-teacher conferences looming in his future.

As he was waiting for his meal, he happened to glance outside and caught sight of Kakashi wandering by. Iruka immediately perked up, realizing that if the jonin-sensei was around then Naruto was probably somewhere in the village, too. Iruka hopped from one foot to the other, more anxious for his food to be ready. He really didn’t have time to go looking for Naruto tonight, but he wanted to see the boy. Maybe if he put off grading for one night, he could visit the kid. He could catch up on grading over the weekend. 

“Here’s your order, Iruka-sensei,” said Fujita-san, passing Iruka a wrapped bundle of delicious-smelling food. “Have a nice night.”

“Thank you!” Iruka beamed, rushing out into the night. By some stroke of luck, Kakashi was still out there. “Oh! Kakashi-san!” he called, hurrying over.

Kakashi, nose stuck in his usual reading material, lifted his head slowly, turning to Iruka. “Ah, Iruka-sensei. To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“Oh,” Iruka felt his cheeks heat as he realized how rude it probably seemed to jump straight to asking where’s Naruto? “Are you back from your mission?”

“Mm,” Kakashi made a noise of assent. “The kids did well.” 

“Oh, good! I’m glad to hear it. And you’re all fine?” Iruka looked Kakashi over, but he wasn’t really the sort to look injured, even if he was. Elite jonin like Kakashi didn’t get to that status by broadcasting their injuries. 

“Nary a scratch between us,” Kakashi said. “We just got back. I think Naruto might be looking for you, actually.” 

“Oh!” Iruka glanced down at his dinner. “I only bought enough for one person,” he frowned, then turned back to Kakashi and said, “Have you eaten yet?” 

Kakashi’s visible eye widened in surprise. “No,” he said slowly, “I haven’t.”

“Here,” Iruka pressed his dinner into Kakashi’s chest, “You take this, Naruto and I will find something for the two of us.”

Kakashi glanced down at the dinner, then back up to Iruka before carefully accepting the wrapped meal. “...thank you?” 

“Thank you,” Iruka countered. “Have a good evening, Kakashi-san.” Then, before the jonin could formulate a reply, he scampered off. 

~~*~~

The next morning Iruka dragged himself out of bed early so he could throw rice in a pot and toss some dry sardines in a pot of water. He managed to scrounge up some cabbage that had seen better days, chopped up some tofu, and was just throwing them into the fish-water when Naruto wandered into the kitchen, scrubbing his eyes and yawning loudly. 

“Morning, Iruka-sensei,” Naruto said, a bit too loudly for six in the morning, “Sorry I fell asleep here again last night. I was planning on going home, I promise.”

“I don’t mind if you sleep over, Naruto. That’s what the guest futon is for,” Iruka reassured him. “Are you hungry?”

“You’re cooking?” Naruto grinned widely. “What are you making?”

Iruka gestured at the simmering pot and then turned to dig in his fridge for the miso. He pulled it out and scooped up a large spoonful, gazed at it consideringly, and put about a third back. “Miso soup, rice, and I’ve got eggs in the fridge,” he said. “Nothing too fancy, I’m afraid.”

“Sounds great!” Naruto exclaimed. “Kakashi-sensei brings me breakfast like that sometimes. But he usually makes fish and vegetables too.”

Well good for him, Iruka thought, half sincere, half snide. I’m glad one of us knows how to cook.   He tasted the miso soup consideringly. It might have too much miso. Or not enough. Or was he supposed to take it off the heat before adding the miso? He didn’t remember. The rice pot wasn’t steaming anymore, and Iruka lifted the lid only to smell the distinct odor of scalding rice. “Oh!” he yelped, turning off the burner and staring at the rice, wondering if it had cooked through this time or if he would once more be having al dente rice for breakfast. He grabbed the spoon he’d used to taste the miso soup and took a small bite of rice. It tasted slightly burnt, but seemed soft enough. A little on the firm side, but certainly not the worst rice he’d ever made. 

Behind him, Naruto giggled. “Did you burn the rice again, Iruka-sensei?”

“That’s enough out of you,” Iruka groused. “I’ve told you before, the smoke adds flavor!” he scooped a large portion into a rice bowl, setting it down in front of Naruto before dishing up a second bowl for himself. Quite a bit of rice was stuck to the bottom of the pot. Lovely. He’d leave the pot to soak while he was at work, hopefully it would be washable by the time he got home. 

“Make sure you eat the cabbage, too,” Iruka warned, setting a bowl miso in front of Naruto. He moved back across the kitchen, plucking two small styrofoam containers and two eggs from his fridge. “And eat your natto, it’s good for you,” he added, plunking the little box down and setting the egg down beside it.

“You really need a new rice cooker, Iruka-sensei,” Naruto observed, ignoring the natto and cracking the egg over his rice, pouring a bit of soy sauce over it before vigorously stirring it in.

Iruka sighed, popping open his natto container and removing the thin paper covering the beans. He used his chopsticks to stir the fermented beans around before piling them atop his rice and cracking his own egg over them. “I’ll get one eventually. But this works fine, for now.”

“At least rice cookers don’t burn the rice,” Naruto pointed out. “I think that’s probably worth it, right?” 

Iruka shrugged. Rice cookers could get pretty spendy, and the ones at the secondhand shop had appeared to be on their last legs. He was saving up, of course, but he had other priorities. He could handle a bit of burnt rice. “You really should eat the natto,” he encouraged. 

“I tried it once, Iruka-sensei. I think it almost killed me,” Naruto said too-seriously. “I’m just not cut out for healthy food, I think.”

Iruka laughed before he could help it. “Oh, fine,” he shook his head. “Next time, then.” It was something of a joke between them by now - Iruka would give him natto, Naruto wouldn’t eat it, and the natto would go back into the fridge.  

The two of them ate in comfortable silence, and Naruto wordlessly gathered up the dishes, putting them in the sink before running some hot water. Iruka felt his eyebrows climb in surprise. “Oh?” he said, “What’s this?”

“You made breakfast, so I’ll wash the dishes,” Naruto declared. “Kakashi-sensei always makes me wash the dishes when he brings me food, so I’ve gotten pretty good at it,” he added, beaming with pride. 

“That’s very kind of you,” Iruka said, “I guess I’ll go get my things, then.” He hadn’t bothered unpacking his teaching satchel, but he still double-checked it to make sure he had everything he needed. That done, he wandered back into the kitchen, spotting Naruto attacking the rice pot.

“Oh, just let that one soak, I’ll get to it tonight,” he told Naruto. 

“Okay,” Naruto agreed cheerfully, setting it in the sink and following him to the door. They left together, Naruto not-so-surreptitiously sniffing his shirt. 

“If you feel you have to do a smell check, you should probably just shower and change,” Iruka chided. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Naruto waved him off. “It’s fine.” 

Iruka considered pressing the issue, but in the end, he decided it wasn’t worth the shouting. “Have a good day of training,” he said as Naruto drew to a halt at the corner of the street. 

Naruto beamed back at Iruka.  “You too, Iruka-sensei!”

Iruka waved him off with a smile, before picking up his pace and heading for the Academy. He had another long day ahead of him, and running late wasn’t going to make it any easier to get through.

~~*~~

“Thank you for always taking care of our boy,” Tsutsuji-san said, heading for the door, “And remember what I said about my friend Hiei,” she added with a small titter. “He’d definitely be interested.”

“Of course, Tsutsuji-san,” Iruka managed to say in a strangled voice, “Thank you for your consideration.”

“Oh you’re very welcome, Iruka-sensei,” Tsutsuji-san said. “Have a nice evening.”

“You too,” Iruka replied. As soon as she was gone he shoved the third photo of the night into his desk drawer. This had gone so far beyond ridiculous he wasn’t sure what word he could even use to describe it. Scowling, he straightened up the classroom, shoved some homework assignments in his bag, and matched out of the Academy in a huff. He had to find something to make this stop!

“Yo, Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi called as he exited. The jonin was leaning casually against the Academy gates, age-inappropriate reading material in hand. Kakashi glanced up fully as Iruka approached, his eye widening as he took in Iruka’s appearance. “Rough day?” he asked, pushing off the gate and transitioning to a more vertical slouch. 

“You could say that,” Iruka sighed, then frowned in confusion. “Forgive my rudeness, Kakashi-san, but why are you here?” 

“Maa, I wanted to ask you if you had time to grab dinner sometime. Since you gave me dinner yesterday, I thought I might return the favor,” Kakashi explained. 

“Dinner?” Iruka repeated, frowning. “What, like tonight?” 

“Whenever you have time,” Kakashi clarified. 

“Oh. Uh. Sure, I’ll get back to you on that…” Iruka turned to leave, then paused, an idea forming in his mind. “Say, Kakashi-san?” 

“Yes?” Kakashi was still standing there with a vague expression on his face.

Iruka glanced around nervously to make sure no local busybodies were watching, then leaned in. “How would you feel about making that dinner a monthly arrangement? I’ll pay, of course!”

Kakashi’s eyebrow lifted in response. “Mind if I ask why?”

Iruka glanced around again. “Do you mind if we talk it over somewhere else?”

“Like over dinner?” Kakashi suggested, sounding faintly amused.

“Somewhere private,” Iruka specified. 

“Dinner at my place,” Kakashi amended.

“At your place?” Iruka echoed faintly.

“It’s pretty private,” Kakashi assured him. “Just me and the ninken.” 

“Okay,” Iruka agreed. “When?”

“We can go now,” Kakashi suggested. “I have all the ingredients at home already, we just need to eat them.” 

“You bought enough for two?” Iruka asked faintly, not sure how this conversation had gone from maybe a dinner sometime to a home-cooked meal at the copy-nin’s house.

“I usually take some leftovers to Naruto,” Kakashi explained. “He never eats vegetables when left to his own devices.” 

Iruka laughed at that. “True enough,” he noted with amusement. 

“So it’s decided. You can tell me more about whatever it is you can’t discuss publicly over dinner,” Kakashi gazed at Iruka for confirmation.

“Sure,” Iruka agreed, mentally apologizing to his future self for the pile of grading he’d be doing this weekend. “Sounds great.”

Nodding, Kakashi turned and began wandering off, heading into the village. It was at this point Iruka realized he had no idea where Kakashi’s house was. Well. If Kakashi was going to agree to Iruka’s harebrained scheme, perhaps it was a good idea to know where the man lived.

It didn’t take them long to reach their destination. It turned out Kakashi had a modest one-bedroom apartment with a wide living room and a cozy kitchen and dining area. Kakashi pulled out a small induction burner, setting it on the table, carrying over a large pot a moment later. It was packed full of vegetables, tofu, shirataki noodles and beef. “Hope you like sukiyaki,” Kakashi said, pouring a thick sweet dashi broth over the ingredients.

“Are you kidding? I haven’t had beef for two weeks!” Iruka exclaimed, probably more excited than he should have been, but beef was expensive and he was starving. “This looks amazing, Kakashi-san!”

Kakashi scrubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly, a blush rising on his visible cheek. “Maa, sensei, it's just a bit of chopping vegetables.”

“Yeah, well, considering I don’t even do that half the time, I’m impressed!” Iruka grinned at Kakashi, unable to contain his excitement. 

Kakashi set a small bowl in front of him with an egg, then carried over a steaming bowl of rice for each of them before settling down at the other table setting. “So,” he began, cracking his own egg into the bowl and lightly scrambling it, “What did you want to ask about that you couldn’t bring up in public?” 

“Well,” Iruka began, cracking his own egg, “Lately I keep having well-meaning people trying to set me up on dates, and honestly it’s starting to get on my nerves.” 

Kakashi hummed sympathetically to show he was listening, then adjusted the temperature on the burner to bring up the temperature of the sukiyaki broth. 

“So I was thinking,” Iruka continued, picking up the provided chopsticks and attacking the egg with a bit more ferocity than was probably warranted, “Maybe I should just… pretend to date someone? Just to stop the nagging.”

Kakashi turned from the sukiyaki to gaze at Iruka. “Oh? Were you planning to ask me out on a fake date, then?”

“Here’s the thing,” Iruka said, finally setting down his chopsticks to look Kakashi in the eye, “I have no time for dating. It’s why I’m not dating anyone currently. So I really don’t have the energy to spare for faking it, either.”

“Hmm,” Kakashi made a thoughtful noise. “Sounds difficult.”

“It is,” Iruka agreed. “And then, you offered dinner, and I thought maybe…” He tried to think of how to explain his thoughts in a nice (or at least nice-ish?) manner. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but… if I were going to only go on sporadic dates with someone, it would have to be someone who’s… also sporadic?” He grimaced, realizing that maybe this wasn’t the most diplomatic approach. 

“Ah,” Kakashi said, digging into the sukiyaki with his chopsticks, checking the doneness of the meat. “So you don’t want to go on dates, but you still want to pretend you’re dating.”

“Exactly,” Iruka exclaimed, pointing at Kakashi excitedly. “I need someone… low effort? Who wouldn’t care if we only went out, say, once a month. Or less, even. Less than that would be ideal.”

“I see,” Kakashi grabbed Iruka’s plate, plopping some beef on it. “Here,” he handed it back before serving himself as well. “So you want us to go on fake dates, but not very often. What am I getting from this arrangement?”

“Oh,” Iruka realized he’d not really thought that far ahead. “Well. I’m really busy, so I can’t offer much. I can, uh… buy you dinner once a month? Or maybe less than once a month?” Iruka offered, smiling weakly as he dipped the beef into his raw egg before dropping it onto his rice and shoveling it into his mouth. Oh. The rice was perfectly tender, the broth was just the right balance of sweet and salty, and the thinly sliced beef was melting with marbled fat. “Oh wow,” he moaned. “Maybe you don’t need to eat out, this is so good.”  

Kakashi snorted in amusement. His own beef had vanished, though his mask was still in place. 

Iruka averted his gaze out of courtesy before continuing. “So. Uh. What do you want from me, then?”

“Eh,” Kakashi said, serving himself some of the vegetables. “I don’t really need anything. But this sounds interesting, so I’ll do it.”

“You’ll pretend to be my boyfriend and you don’t want anything in return?” Iruka asked, surprised to have gotten Kakashi to agree so quickly. He’d thought the jonin would at least ask for something from him, but Kakashi seemed remarkably easy to please. Then again, that had been the whole reason Iruka had asked him in the first place - he wanted someone low-effort. 

“If I think of something, I’ll let you know,” Kakashi said. “Now eat, the sukiyaki’s not going to finish itself.”

~~*~~

It wasn’t until Iruka got home late in the evening that he realized he and Kakashi had never decided when their first official “date” was to take place. Oh well, he thought, dumping the pile of grading out on his kotatsu with a heavy sigh, surely they’d be able to discuss it soon enough. For now, he had homework to grade.

“Oh, hey Iruka-sensei!” Naruto called from the kitchen. “Welcome home!” he poked his head out to gaze at Iruka curiously. “You were out late.”

Urk. “Yes,” Iruka answered awkwardly, “I was having dinner with Kakashi-san.”

“Oh really?” Naruto asked, wandering out of the kitchen and into the living room. “Why didn’t you invite me?”

“It was rather last-minute,” Iruka admitted. 

“Oh,” Naruto said. “Okay. Cool.”

“Why are you here?” Iruka finally asked. 

“I came to wash the pot from this morning,” Naruto replied, “and then I ate some of the food in your fridge, so I had to wash my plate after that. Did you know you don’t have any instant ramen in your kitchen?”

“Yes,” Iruka replied with an amused snort. “There’s a reason for that. It’s not healthy.”

“It’s a lot easier than cooking, though,” Naruto grumbled. “So what did you have for dinner with Kakashi-sensei?”

“We had sukiyaki,” Iruka replied, settling down on a cushion and pulling out one of the homework papers. “Did you eat the rest of the rice from this morning?”

Naruto laughed. “No, actually I just ate some fried eggs.”

“That’s not enough for dinner!” Iruka protested. “You should have eaten more than that.”

“It’s fine,” Naruto assured him, “I had a big lunch.”

Iruka gave him a look, but Naruto didn’t flinch, so he must have meant it. “All right,” Iruka finally said, “But if you get hungry…”

“I know, I know, I just have to tell you.” Naruto flopped down on the other side of the kotatsu, wrinkling his nose as he eyed the homework spread across the table. “Oh, this stuff? Gross.”

“Hey, that’s my occupation you’re calling gross,” Iruka protested, setting his pen down momentarily to shoot a scowl in Naruto’s direction.

“Yeah, but homework sucks,” Naruto said. “I bet you didn’t like it when you were a kid, either.”

“Immaterial,” Iruka replied, “It’s important to make sure all the students understand the coursework and have a firm grasp on what we’re learning in class.”

“Oh sure, but important doesn’t mean it’s not boring,” Naruto shot back, grinning and ducking under Iruka’s half-hearted swipe at him. 

“If you’re just going to be a pest…” Iruka warned.

“I’ll be good!” Naruto promised, lifting his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I just… didn’t want to be alone tonight.”

“You’re always welcome to stay with me,” Iruka said, lifting his eyes to make sure Naruto saw he was serious. “You know that, right?”

“I do,” Naruto admitted, shuffling around so that most of his body was hidden under the kotatsu quilt, tucking it up under his chin and grinning at Iruka. “It’s just nice to hear it, sometimes.”

Iruka smiled. “Then I’ll say it as many times as you need.”

~~*~~

The next morning Iruka dragged himself out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen. Rather than make rice, he had a vague inkling that maybe toast and soup would be good enough for the day. He dug some corn potage out of the fridge and had it heating on the stove, shoving the toast in the toaster. He scrounged through the fridge, finding a few tomatoes which he sliced up and sprinkled with a little salt and pepper. He dished up the sliced tomatoes, tossed the toast onto plates, and poured two bowls of the corn soup just as Naruto wandered into the kitchen. 

“Toast for breakfast, huh?” Naruto commented sleepily. “And tomatoes?” 

“And corn soup,” Iruka added. “I just heated it up on the stove.”

“Looks great,” Naruto commented, sitting down at the table and clapping his hands together. “Let’s eat.”

“Let‘s eat,” Iruka echoed, then dug in. The tomatoes were… oversalted. But still mostly edible if you ate them with the toast. The soup was fine, at least. 

“Thanks for the meal!” Naruto exclaimed after practically inhaling his breakfast. “I’ll wash the dishes.” 

“Thanks for the meal,” Iruka mumbled as he finished his own breakfast, then wandered back into the living room to pack his school bag. 

He and Naruto left together not too long after that, parting ways at the same corner as yesterday. Iruka trudged the rest of the way to the Academy, already exhausted. Just one more day of parent-teacher conferences, he reminded himself. Then he had a whole weekend… of double shifts at the mission desk. And all the grading he hadn’t finished yet. Iruka groaned. 

“Yo, Iruka-sensei!” 

Iruka blinked, not sure he was seeing things right. “Kakashi-san?” he said, spotting the jonin casually leaning against the Academy gates, drawing confused looks from passing staff members.

“Please, it’s just Kakashi,” he said, moving away from the gate and walking over to Iruka. “We’re dating, after all.”

“Right,” Iruka said, feeling off-center and a bit confused. “Did we… have something scheduled?”

“Nope!” Kakashi replied cheerily, then lifted a thermos. “But you looked tired after last night’s dinner, so I thought I’d bring you some of my favorite coffee.”

Iruka hadn’t gotten around to the grocery store to buy more of his own coffee, and the swill in the teacher’s lounge could double as paint-thinner. Coffee sounded marvelous, though he still felt a little confused . He stared at the thermos in Kakashi’s grasp, struggling to formulate a response. “But...why?”

Kakashi pressed the thermos into his hands. “Just a thoughtful gesture from your boyfriend, that’s all.”

“I can’t accept this,” Iruka protested, his hands closing around the thermos anyway. “I already told you, I don’t have a lot of time - ”

“It’s fine,” Kakashi assured him, taking a step back and lifting his hands. “I already made the coffee, so you might as well drink it.”

“True…” Iruka glanced down at the thermos with a sigh. He decided that he could accept this one gesture, so long as he impressed upon Kakashi that this sort of behavior couldn’t become a habitual thing. Iruka just didn’t have the energy to reciprocate, and he didn’t want it to look like Kakashi was putting all the work into the relationship. “Thank you,” he said, lifting his head to face the jonin, “I appre - ”

Kakashi was gone.

Sighing exasperatedly, Iruka waved the thermos in the air. “I appreciate it!” he shouted, just in case the man was still hanging around. He supposed that popping in with random gifts and then vanishing was to be expected when ‘dating’ someone as eccentric as Kakashi. He still felt bad, though. He’d specifically asked Kakashi to do this because he hadn’t wanted to go to much effort. If Kakashi was going to do his best to sell the relationship, it would look pretty bad if Iruka wasn’t doing his best, too.

With a groan, Iruka stared down at the thermos of coffee. This was going to be more work than he’d bargained for.

[thewalkingfanfictions]

Revolving Doors -- Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Revolving Doors — Dean Winchester x daughter!reader

Description: At sixteen, (name) has finally found the father she had heard so much about, but never met. Finding him in a bar somewhere, (name) decides to confront him. The big question is, though: Will Dean even want her?

⚠Warning⚠: nothing really, some swearing and mentions of a dead family member

Genre: some angst, some fluff, some hurt/comfort

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Daughter!reader

A/N: I was maladaptive daydreaming and this popped up on the recommended page in my brain, so, here, have this trash. Also, your moms name is Melinda for some reason, I'm too lazy to go change it now. I might end up making this a series if y’all want me too. If you do, feel free to drop some suggestions for some sort of plot for this.

Words without A/N: 2369

Masterlist

<———————>

I could see him now from across the bar. Tannish hair ruffled in that intentionally messy look, a charming smile perpetually on his face as he spoke to the pretty bartender. He was the exact picture of what my mother had described.

I always thought I would be able to know who he was if I ever got to lay eyes on him, and now that I was, I knew I was right. 

My hands trembled and my legs felt like jello as I approached where he sat, a two-seated table towards the back of the dimly lit bar, his back always to the wall, nursing a beer and watching the crowd with intense interest. I wonder if he'll recognise me as I have him? Not that there's really any way he should be able to; he doesn't even know I exist.

Before I can even take a breath to calm myself down, I'm standing in front of him, and gazing at him nervously, his eyes—a perfect mirror of my own—gazing up at me with a startled and curious expression. Words piled up in my throat, and suddenly the thought of talking to this man was much more terrifying of a thought than it had any right to be.

You're not backing out now, (name) you've waited your entire life for this moment.

Swallowing thickly, I clenched my eyes closed for a second before musturing up all the courage that I could, and forcing my voice to come through.

"You, uhm–" great first impression (name), good job "–are you Dean? D-Dean Winchester?"

His eyes widened slightly, and he took on a far more guarded expression. 

"I might be, that depends on who you are."

My entire body flooded with TV static as a wave of anxiety came over me. I needed this to go right, I needed to make a good impression. If I failed...

"Can, u-uhm, can I take a seat?" I gestured lamely at the empty seat on the other side of the table from him. If I stood much longer, I feared I'd faint.

At his hesitant nod, I smiled uncomfortably and moved to sit down. Taking another second to compose myself, I opened my mouth to speak, only to be cut off by his demanding voice.

"Who are you?" It sounded less like a question, and far more like a threat.

Shaking the anxiety out of my head, I opened my mouth and forced my voice to function yet again.

"Sixteen, uh, sixteen years ago, you met a woman named Melinda (last name) in a bar a lot like this one, in (home town, state), do you-uhm-do you remember her?"

This is such a stupid idea, why am I doing this? He probably wants nothing to do with me, this is a terrible idea.

His confused expression answered the question easily enough. 

"I- uh–" pulling the crumpled piece of photo paper from my pocket, I tried my best to flatten it out, and locked eyes with my mother for a fraction of a moment before pulling my eyes away and reaching across the table to hand it to him. "Her, d'you–do you recognise her?"

He looked at me questioningly beneath his brow before looking down to study the photo, his face scrunching up in concentration. After a second, he glanced back up at me, mouth quirked in a slight smirk, eyes glistening.

"Yeah, yeah I recognise her. Melinda, heh, yeah," he smiled fondly down at the photo cradled in his hands before locking eyes with me, "we spent a few wild nights together on my twenty-first, she was hot. That still doesn't answer my question, though. Who're you?" 

Ew. 

"My name is (Name) (Last name), and Melinda was my mother."

...

...

Complete silence. His eyes were wide as he stared at me with an unreadable expression.

"I-I'm, um, I turned sixteen years old a few days ago, and uh, I figured I'd try and find you." He still wasn't saying a word, and the more uncomfortable I got, the more I talked. "She talked about you a lot the last few months of her life, and, uh, I dunno, I just thought maybe I could f-find you, y'know... She, uh, she got a bad brain tumor, and uhm, she, uh, she—" I could feel myself starting to tear up slightly, so I looked away from him, and somehow managed to make eye contact with an extremely tall stranger with criminally pretty hair, who was looking worriedly over at us, and slowly walking in our direction.

"So...uhm...yeah..." he still hadn't responded, just continued to look at me with that unidentifiable expression, which actually started to concern me. "Are you okay?" I waved my hand in front of his face, and when he still had no response, I started to think maybe I'd given him a heart attack or something. Suddenly, the big man from earlier was there by Deans shoulder.

"Whats going on here?"

"I—" well, at least he was starting to say something.

"Dean?"

Growing more and more uncomfortable with the second, I finally came to my senses and realized what I had feared would be the truth all along. 

He didn't want me.

Obviously he wouldn't. Why would he? I was just too childish to see it originally.

Bowing my head for a second to try and push back the tears, I smiled up at the two of them and stood from my chair. 

"Al-alright, uhm... I-I'll leave you be, the-n," my voice cracked sharply.

Turning on my heel, I hurried towards the exit, the entire time feeling my father's eyes boring into the back of my skull.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"—and Melinda was my mother—" my head rang with the words. There's no way.

A kid. I had a kid. There's just no way.

I don't know how long I sat there and stared, but I could see the kid, my kid, growing uncomfortable in my silence. How was I supposed to handle this information? I thought I'd been over this with Ben and Lisa, I wasn't cut out to be a father! I'm not good enough for that, I'd just end up getting her killed.

My kid was talking again, but I couldn't focus enough to hear exactly what she was saying. Sixteen a few days ago? The last few months of her life—bad brain tumor—talked about you—and then her hand was in front of my face, trying to snap me out of it, and then there was a hand on my shoulder, and Sam's voice above my head.

I have a kid? I have a fucking kid, I—

And then she was leaving, looking at me with teary eyes, standing up, and leaving, and I wasn't stopping her. Why wasn't I stopping her? 

"Dean!" Sam was right in front of my face now, shaking at my shoulder and looking at me with worried eyes.

I have a kid. I have a fucking kid.

"I have a kid. The–that– she's my–that...I have a kid!" I watched Sam's eyes widen and he quickly whipped his head towards where she had gone, and was no longer in sight.

The more I thought about it, the more believable it became. Her face was covered in minute freckles, and her eyes were the same shade as mine, bright enough that I could see them even in the darkened bar. Her hair was the same color as Melinda's, I realized, as I gazed down at the photo that still sat in my hands. Brain tumor, something about a brain tumor, and a few months before dying, and... and that means that the kids alone. I-I have a child, and her mom is dead, and she's alone. My-my kid's alone. (Name). 

With energy I didn't realize I had, I bolted up from my seat, knocking it back against the wooden floor, clenched the picture in my hand, and took off towards the exit. 

I refuse to be the same kind of dad as mine was, I don't want to leave her to take care of herself. I can't. But I don't know the first thing about taking care of kids—though she's obviously plenty capable of taking care of herself, if she traveled all the way from (Hometown) to here by herself just to find me. Oh, god, she had to travel all the way from (Hometown) to here by herself just to find me! And–what did she say? Just turned sixteen? God, you're already a shit parent and you haven't even gotten the chance to parent her, you're just gonna fuck her up more than she must already be, having a deadbeat dad like you.

"Wait!" I shouted into the cold air of the night as I burst my way through the bars front doors, though the green-eyed girl was nowhere to be seen. I could feel Sam right behind me as I took off at a jog, looking up and down the street in search of her. She couldn't have gotten that far, right? 

Back to our left, down an alleyway beside the bar, we heard a commotion. Just some mumbled shouting and scuffling about in the trash, but it was loud enough to make an odd sort of anxiety sink its yellowing claws into my chest. Rushing closer, I came to realize that that anxiety had good reason.

A man, no larger than me, but definitely bigger than her, with his arm against her chest and a blade in his hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I threw myself through the doors as quickly as I could, I didn't want to be near him a second longer. 

I knew from mom's description that he was a traveler, that he never stayed in one place for long, and that I shouldn't be surprised if he wanted nothing to do with me, but I couldn't help but hurt from it. Fifteen years of wondering, fifteen years of begging mom to just give me one more detail, fifteen years of missing something I never had. I finally get to meet him, and what? I get my god damn heart broken. I get turned away like a stray dog.

Wiping the tears from my eyes in fury, I barely registered when I walked down the wrong alley. I do, however, take notice of the blade being shoved in my face and the cold concrete wall slamming into my back as I'm pushed against it.

"Gimme yer moneh," the man holding the knife slurred, his breath reeking of beef and alcohol.

It took me a good few seconds to understand what was going on.

"Gimme yer goddamn money, I said!" His arm shoved me harder into the wall, knife coming dangerously close to my throat.

"I-I-I-I don't have any, I swear! I'm sorry, I-I don't have any money," I tried to stall as I reached for the mace hidden in my jacket pocket.

"Yer lyin'! Jus' gimme yer—" before I can get ahold of the mace, he's cut off by someone's hand pulling him away from me. A hand that just so happened to be connected to the Dean Winchester. Ripping the drunk guy away from me, he moved to stand in between us, and immediately gave the guy a solid right hook to the jaw, knocking him out immediately (and rather anticlimactically). Kicking the discarded weapon away from the unconscious man, he turned to look at me, his eyes wide with what looked like concern.

His features softened as he looked at me, and he took a quick few steps forward, hand stretched out in front of him, before I jerked back away from him. Taking notice of my hesitance, he stopped moving all together, and a weather-worn look of pain flashed across his face.

"You're bleeding," he said simply, hand once again reaching out towards me, begging me to let him help.

Raising one hand, I drug it across my chin, collecting a palmful of blood and eliciting a hiss from my throat. The bastard cut me! This bitch!

"Listen, I..." he started, "We've got a place not too far from here, I can patch you up and we can try and talk things out, okay?" He spoke, looking almost...afraid? Ashamed?

"Why do you want to help me?" My voice was supposed to sound fiery and demanding, but instead it came out almost too quiet, and shaking with nerves, and sounded absolutely nothing like me.

His eyes widened, and he glanced over at the tall guy guy again, I assume his lover or friend.

"If you really...If you really are my ki-id, then I'm not about to let you walk around hurt like that."

I stared at him for a second, entire body still shaking with adrenaline and fear. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe I'd read him wrong?

I could at least give him a chance, I thought to myself.

Hesitantly, I reached my hand out and grabbed a hold of his outstretched arm, causing a small smile to appear at the edges of his mouth.

He pulled me forward gently, and leaned back to get a good look at me, probably to see if the drunken bastard had hurt me anywhere else, before glancing back up to the cut along the side of my jaw. He reached out towards it again, this time much slower, and when I didn't pull away, he traced his thumb along the gash and winced slightly, the crows feet around his eyes deepening with concern.

"Sammy, go get Baby." His voice was quiet, matching the tone of the moment.

I turned to look at this "Sammy" just as he was beginning to turn sway, and we locked eyes for the second time that evening. Giving me a soft smile and a nod, his long body took off bad towards the bar.

"Here," Dean's voice pulled me back. In his hand, he held a handkerchief and put it up to the cut, which I winced away from on instinct. Taking the rag from his grip, I held it to my face myself, and gave him a shy smile before glancing away. I never had been exceptionally good at meeting new people, even if said new person happens to be my long lost father.

"So... I have a kid..."

[starkassembled]

I am a huge Hannibal fan / Hannigram shipper and know well enough that the new show has no relationship with Hannibal TV show. But as far as harassing the show-runner is concerned, it was Kurtzman who diminished the show labelling it nothing more than a gore-fest in comparison to what he claims would be 'meaningful cases'. What was the point of this kind of ignorant dismissal and insult ? They aren't related, and should be left at that, so yes some fans are disturbed at that, not the show.

[Also many of us have read the books, seen the movies. Fans thinking that Clarice is a problem from the Hannibal show are not correct either, just like you are incorrect thinking we want a crossover, because the shows exist in different universe so completely there is no chance it may cross path. But you are ignorant and loud mouthed.]] //end of questions from the same author, I think?// - - - So, by that logic, the show Clarice holds absolutely no interest for you and this entire fanbase. Has no connection to Hannibal and shouldn’t even be in your orbit? Why would you be actively pursuing a hate campaign for the series and anyone that is excited about there being a show based around Clarice Starling? Why not just focus on the Season 4 campaigns? The Clarice tags on this site as well as twitter are clogged with people spewing hatred and false statements. Like Clarice doesn’t have the rights to any Harris characters apart from Clarice Starling herself (it has the rights to dozens, and the first episode alone had physical appearances of 6, 2 verbal/visual references to other characters). And the perpetual spreading of the false narratives that one: Clarice Starling is a “rip-off” character of Will Graham. and two: that Clarice Starling doesn’t have enough to her character to hold up a tv series, when she’s the main character of both The Silence of the Lambs *and* Hannibal novels and films. I’m a huge Lecterverse fan. I followed NBC’s show from the pilot episode. Being a part of that fanbase for so long, I’ve watched it slowly transform into a toxic, aggressive and sad shell of it’s former self. Attacking fellow fans, attacking other shows, attacking actors and actresses for no reason. The toxicity and vitriol from that fanbase has tainted the show for me, I haven’t had the heart to re-watch it in at least two years. The final straw for me was when some fan account decided to steal my own picture and photoshop Will Graham’s face over my own. Who does that? My point wasn’t that you guys dream about a crossover, it’s that you would better benefit the Season 4 campaign if you advocated for a crossover rather than trying to tank the show before it even begins. MGM holds those rights that a fourth season desperately needs. You want to be friends with them, not enemies. I remember how bad things went when the BBC Sherlock fanbase decided to start a hate campaign with the CBS Elementary series, and it’s really disappointing that 9 years later, y’all are acting the exact same way. Any Lecter adaptation is a good thing, not something that should be aggressively loathed like some scorned lover. As for the Kurtzman quote, I’d really enjoy a link to the article in question, cuz I’ve read through about 6 of them and here’s the only two I see that mention Hannibal Lecter, and they don’t seem offensive to me at all as a fan of both series? “But it's been quite liberating because we have no interest in writing about Hannibal — not because we didn't love the films and the show, but because it was done so well by so many people that it didn't feel fresh for us,“ and “Let me say that we’re not doing what the show Hannibal did and that was make a literal meal of the murders themselves. Our goal, when we pick individual cases, is to always organize our story break around what’s going on for the characters and then how can the case itself somehow illuminate some inner struggle that they’re not confronting? So, we don’t really break story or grisly murders or ‘what’s the grisliest murder we can put on camera?’ We break story from the point of view of asking ‘What are they not looking at? What are they afraid to look at? What are they scared to look at? And how does this case open a door for them that they may not necessarily want to walk through?” Those both are factual and fair statements to me. Hannibal Lecter’s character has been portrayed in 5 films and one television series by some incredibly talented and decorated actors. Brian Cox, Sir Anthony Hopkins, Gaspard Ulliel, briefly as young Lecter by Aaron Thomas and of course, by the incredible Mads Mikkelsen. His story is fully realized, from birth to old age. Why mess with fantastic acting and storytelling when you can tap into an untold story about Clarice, her years from the end of The Silence of the Lambs to the start of the Hannibal novel. That’s a 7 year gap to fill, and one that can be told easily without Lecter’s name. NBC Hannibal had wonderful cinematography, and we can all agree that it was gory pieces of art. It was so graphic that it turned away certain viewers at the time of airing because of how graphic it was at the time. In the one episode we’ve gotten of Clarice so far, the deaths are not “pieces of art”, they focus less on the killer and more on the victims, which is perfectly in line with Clarice’s empathy. It doesn’t suit the tone of the story these writers are trying to tell. I don’t find those statements insulting, I find them factual. Not everyone is interested in the gory death scenes. And I think emphasizing the victim’s stories are rather fitting for the time period we’re in now, it reminds me of the late Michelle McNamara’s true crime novel, I’ll Be Gone In The Dark. tldr: if you don’t like the concept of a Clarice Starling standalone series, then don’t watch it. but don’t actively mistreat those that do want to watch it and are curious to check it out. as this series holds absolutely nothing against Hannibal and the fan campaign to get a fourth season. and don’t be rude? isn’t that the entire tagline of Hannibal? Lol.

[madasthesea]

I’m sorry for being so mean. I had a really bad day and didn’t mean to say such awful things. But I am frustrated my fics always get ignored, especially by the big names in the fandom such as yourself that claim to support everyone. I’ve written so many fics in this fandom and have been doing so for over a year, yet I only have 30 subscribers. I get really frustrated and feel like I’m a bad writer because everyone ignores me and my fics. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry.

(2/2) For a fan community that claims they are inclusive, everyone sure doesn’t act that way. Everyone already has their friends and people like me who don’t have many friends get ignored. The big names in the fandom don’t support or read the fics by the new people. It’s not just me. I’ve never received a single kudo or comment from you or anyone else that’s popular like you. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but people don’t read my fics.

Ok, I’m answering this in the middle of the night in the hopes that not a lot of people will see it so it won’t become A Thing and then as soon as this fic exchange is over I am turning my anons off forever. Anon, I guess I have to give you credit for coming to apologize, but I have to say, where before I was perfectly capable of laughing off your extremely rude message, I have to say, now I’m annoyed. Because there is not a single instance or bad day or frustration that makes what you said acceptable. You came into my inbox and threw a temper tantrum because you knew my name and I happen to have anons on unlike most of the “fandom big names.” You told me I had the worst fics in the fandom, told me I publish outlines instead of stories and accused me of writing incestual pedophilia because you had a bad day? I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re young because that is the only possible excuse I could give you. As I said in my original response, if I were already an anxious writer, you could have caused me to delete all of my fics and put me off of writing forever. Someone commented on your original message and said that they don’t post their writing because of messages like that one. You’re right you shouldn’t have taken it out on me, and you wouldn’t have if your name had been associated with it. But here we are, and I’m going to try to make it so this never happens again, at least with the two of us. 

Now, onward to your frustrations. I am sorry that you aren’t getting the attention you want, but one) yelling at me on anon isn’t going to fix that. Two) not to be like callous and insensitive, but that happens to almost every writer I know. I’ve been writing fanfiction for 12 years. This is the seventh fandom I’ve written for and no one ever read my fics before this. My first year on AO3 I published six stories and had 500 views total. I get the frustration, but sometimes you just have to get the perfect combination of exposure, plot, and interest. Three) Do you have any idea how many stories get published in the Peter Parker & Tony Stark tag a day? I’m sorry, I can’t read all of them. I don’t want to read all of them, in fact I have 14 different tags blacklisted. Just because I am a “big name” does not mean I owe you a comment or a kudos. If I like your story, I will tell you. Chances are, I haven’t even seen one of your stories, because I’m an adult with a job and hobbies and writing of my own to do. Most of the “big names” are the exact same except a lot of them also have school. If you want someone to read your stories, ask them. Say “hey, I respect you and your opinion, could you look at this for me?” They will probably say yes unless they have a good reason not to. Don’t just sit there and wait for it to happen and get mad when it doesn’t. Also, this is the third time someone has yelled at me for not reading or commenting on their fics and it makes me less inclined to leave kudos in general in case someone comes and gets mad that I read their fic but didn’t comment. So uh… don’t do this again. 

As for the community, do you want to know how to make friends? Send asks (nice ones) not on anon. We can’t interact with you if you don’t know who you are. Reblog our fics. Comment on our posts. You can’t make friends if no one knows you exist. And the only way to show you exist is show yourself in our notes, in our inboxes. Sitting in your corner of tumblr and being bitter isn’t going to help anyone. This fandom is welcoming and it is kind and it is supportive. You saw how many people came to my defense tonight. If you talk to those people, they’ll talk back, but they can’t reach out to every single Irondad blog, it just isn’t feasible. 

And finally, how to get your fics read more. Like I said, part of it is just… luck. I got in at the very beginning, as did losingmymindtonight, parkrstark, several others, and had already established myself before IW came out and the fandom got bigger. Lucky break on my part, but I’m also a good writer because I’m 25 and I have a Master’s in a writing heavy field and I’ve been writing my entire life. Sometimes it just takes practice. But there is stuff that all good fics have in common, so here we go:

1) Good grammar, good spelling, good punctuation.

I don’t know who you are so I have no idea what your writing is like, but this is stuff I had to tell college students as a teacher, so I’m just going to go over it. 

Are there line breaks between every paragraph? No? There need to be. It’s hard to read when all of the words are bunched together, meaning automatic exits will happen, regardless of content.

Do you start a new paragraph every single time a new person speaks? You should.

“When someone is speaking,” I asked, “do you put a comma before the speech tag?” Commas, not periods. Not periods then commas. Punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. 

Are you writing in first or second person (I or you)? Don’t.

Pay attention to your tenses. It is very confusing reading a story that switches tenses every sentence. 

Are you capitalizing the beginning of every sentence and proper noun? You have to. Reading all lowercase takes energy and concentration and readers don’t like to put more effort in than they’re used to. Also it’s just pointless.  

Get a beta reader. Get grammarly (but the free version, don’t pay) or another editing service. Google anything you have a question about. EDIT YOUR WRITING. 

2) New ideas

Every fandom has tropes they love, but not every fic can be a trope fic. Every fic I write is, if not completely new, a spin on a popular trope.

Yes, there are some popular field trip fics, but most of them get lost in the weeds because they are all the same. And most of the people I talk to don’t even like them. (This counts for May dies fics, sensory overload… If you’re going to write it, you have to make it different and you have to make it good.)

Look to other movies or books for ideas, check out irondad-fic-ideas, something. Write something new, something only you can write, and at least some people will notice.

3) Good characterization

Now apparently everything I write is OOC, so maybe I’m not the best person to be giving advice on this :/ (I’m still annoyed. I’m getting over it)

BUT–the best way to write a well-known character is to know the source material. Listen to the way they talk, watch how they move. Ignore fanon. It’s hard, but try. Peter isn’t actually a perpetual ray of sunshine, chatter box 12 year old like we often write him, Tony isn’t 100% sarcasm and incapable of recognizing his own feelings. 

If you can hear the character say it in their actual voice, it’s probably a good line. 

4) Misc.

Fandom rule of thumb: cute fluff and hardcore whump win out over deep character studies on convoluted plot lines. If you’re just looking for hits or maybe a fic to establish yourself, that’s a good way to do it. 

If you’re posting a multi-chapter fic, don’t post it all at once. People will comment on each chapter as you post and you’ll get more hits. 

Respond to comments, especially at the early stages. It makes your readers more invested, it builds friendships, and it makes your stats look better. 

There’s a blog that supports little known writers in this fandom! Rec your fics there!

Make sure to never, ever put “I suck at summaries” or “fic is better than summary” it is an instant turnoff. If you can’t write the thing that makes me want to read the fic well, why would I think I want to read the fic?

Tagging on AO3 is vital. Tag the right relationships, tag the right emotions (angst, fluff, hurt/comfort). I often sort just by these. Always put in the category, (M/M, F/M, etc.) and the rating. There is no reason not to, but not doing so makes people less likely to read. Always tag triggers.

Never steal fics or ideas. If a story inspires you, you can ask the author if you can write something similar and then link in your story back to theirs. Nothing will make you less popular in a fandom than stealing work.

Lastly, I know authors constantly talk about how important comments and kudos are, and they are so important to bolstering spirits, I get that, but if you aren’t writing for yourself first, you will always be disappointed. You should enjoy your fic as much when you read it in your word doc as when you read it online with comments and kudos. And maybe you write really niche stuff that doesn’t appeal to a lot of people, but churning out carbon copies of the Fandom Tropes and hoping for hits is not going to satisfy you and you will keep being frustrated.

Let’s not do this again, shall we? Next time you have a question, ask me nicely.

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Valentine’s Day Double Feature (Back in Black and Stage Plight) or My My My Once Bitten Twice Shy

What is up my Loudites? And while I am returning to the Loud House I do have some sad news to get out of the way first.. i’m ending regular coverage of the Loud House. I don’t like doing this.. but when I picked up the show, I didn’t really have a set schedule.. and that was a bad thing as I didn’t get nearly everything I wanted done. Now I have one and honestly it’s been great: it allows me to stay focused and if I end up not feeling what I was going to do that day, provided it’s not a comission or specfically needed that day, I can swap things around a bit easier. 

The reason I bring this up is Nick’s way of scheduling means I CAN’T reasonably put the show on the schedule. They often don’t announce airdates until the wee before, which isn’t a bad thing WATCHING, and isn’t unresonable for a children’s network. But for someone who likes to have a concrete schedule at the top of the month, still flexable and able to make changes if they come up but at least some idea of what i’ll be doing and when, that’s a non-starter, as not knowing when a show’s going to be there or not really messes with things. In contrast Disney puts up their entire programming schedule for next month towards the end, so I know if a show’s coming back, and thus that it’ll probably be around for next month’s too. And if it goes away a week earlier than expected then super I have that space for other sttuff. But I just have too much other stuff, paid and on my own time, to keep friday’s open in perpetuity.

I will however still reviewing the show infrequently as I still love it, Season 5 will probably have plenty of episodes I want to talk about, already it has Leni running for mayor which sounds like one of my wonky spinoff ideas and I love it all the more for that, and ther’es tons of episodes I have and haven’t seen to dig into. So like Lori I won’t be in the house on a daily basis but i’m still going to show up a lot. I already have an April Fools special planned, as well as a retrospective ready for some time in the future. And of course if more Sam and Luna episodes show up, you know i’ll be on those as fast as humanly possible so yeah not leaving the show.. just not coveirng it because I like having some control of my schedule, it’s a thing with me. 

Good then we can get to why your ACTUALLY reading this unless you’ve already scrolled past or scrolled up to this. Next Sunday is Valentine’s Day, and so to continue Valnetine’s Shenanigans on this fine blog, i’m doing some romantic style episodes of the loud hosue for you. I did intend for this to be bigger, but frankly i’ve been running behind on reviews and running out of steam lately, so I paired it down to the two I wanted to do most. So for today we’ll be covering two of the show’s couples: One they badly need to bring back and I question why they haven’t, and one that I feel has gotten a lot of flack for things that aren’t it’s fault. Both are really adorable so expect some awkward blushing, bats, blood, and other stuff rhyming with B under the cut!

Back in Black: So we begin our double feature with Lucy

Yeah I have not covered this adorable harbinger of death enough on this blog, and intended to do this one, among other lucycentric episodes back in october.. and the fact I didn’t is a good argument for why I have a schedule now ain’t it? But sometimes your plans not panning out right at the exact time you planned them works out for you. Not getting to do Plan 9 From Mission Hill during Pride Month meant I got to do it on comission later. And not getting to do this one at Halloween means it still works fine just fine for valentine’s day.  

So we begin the episode with Lincoln working on his science project, with Rusty coming over to help. 

Shockingly though not only is he not just taking a nap or hitting on Lincon’s sisters while Lincoln works but actually helping, he’s actually good at it. I’m as suprsied as you. Though this is early in his characterization, so he hasn’t’nt been established as horribly sucking at everything or his friends being done with his bullshit QUITE yet. Give him time.  This is an interesting moment in the character’s history though, as it’s the episode that firmly establishes him as a close friend of Lincolns. While he was already turned from a member of a random violence gang to LIncoln’s buddy in the span of season 1, this episode cements him as one of his closer pals simply by him coming over and the two being fairly familiar with one another. Granted by that same token Girl Jordan should be in the group.. and I have nothing to add to that. Add Girl Jordan to the Lincrew. Just do it. 

Anyways Rusty brought his brother along. And you’d expect me to be terrified as there’s now three of them. But.. nope I like Rocky. He’s a chill kid and his personality goes together well with Lucy’s as while he’s a more typical kid, he’s still very subdued in his emotions like she is. Also he mentions both parents so my divorce theory.. is honestly still valid as this was three seasons ago and I could buy their mother left during that time. 

And yes Lucy’s in love.. and stalking him a bit as she follows him around the house sighing while he wonders who did that.. though it is a nice clue their compatible. When you can sense the presence of someone whose big running gag is showing up out of nowhere to scare the crap out of people that means something. And it’s either that you’d really get that person or your Wolverine. Or one of his kids. Or his clones. Or clones of his clones. What i’m saying is Rusty’s mom banged the wolverine and his family tree is really weird even by marvel standards. 

But I do give her a pass as she’s not trying to be creepy or obsessive, she just doesn’t know how to talk to him as he’s your average kid and she’s a creature of the night. It’s just a kid being shy which is very refreshing both because pre-savnio being fired the show had some very messed up ideas about relationships and gender politics at times, the latter of which actually crops up here, and because having grown up with the cartoons of the 90′s and 2000′s.. I had to put up with things like this. 

Full Disclosure: I DO ship sonamy.. but only after around Sonic Chronicles, where Bioware and then Sega decided to not make “Constantly harasses sonic despite him clearly not being interested and saying so vocally” and “Obessess over him to a point I worry she’s going to break his legs so he’ll never run away from her again”, as well as aging her up from 12. Still find her ungodly annoying at best and terrible at worst before that point, Sonic CD and Sonic Advance excluded. And yes I am that huge of a nerd, damn proud of it too. 

What i’m getting at is that a little girl unable to talk to a guy and only being kinda creepy because that’s what she does is LEAGUES better than “IT’S NOT CREEPY WHEN A WOMAN DOES IT”. Given this episode was written by a woman that probably helped a lot if not entirely but I don’t blame her for that.. more on that later. 

Point is she’s smitten but her first attempt to talk goes back as he rushes to leave after she tries talking to him.. and also appears out of nowhere to spook him. Come on man, your better than that. YOu sensed her before why not now? Up your game. But yeah Lucy’s depressed while Lincoln talks to her about it, about them leaving and once Lucy confesses she’s into rocky asks what he’s into. Lincoln.. has no idea as he’s barely been around Rocky. He’s just an average kid he dosen’t quite understand. Normal is the word he uses and Lucy ponders that.  We next see the three most traditionally feminine sisters, Lori, Leni and Lola, all pissed someone stole their stuff, though Lori does suspect Lola at first because let’s face it, this fits her MO of being an entitled brat and not being above petty theft. But no the culprit is Lucy who genuinely apologizes and understands that their mad but the other girls are fine with it given the context, which Lucy explained, and are happy to make her over.  This is where the problem I was hinting at comes in: ALL the girls are on board with this makeover plan. the problem is.. only the three who came in in the first place make actually sense making Lucy more tradiotnally feminine. Lori loves fashion and is a control freak who has troubles with empathy at times especially at this point in the series, Leni while not INTETIONALLY hurtful is kind of ditzy and thus can miss some cues, and Lola has a yawning starless void where her soul should be. For these three? Yeah this plot actually makes sense they wouldn’t think of Lucy’s feelings and actually help her use who she is to get rocky or tell her it doesn’t matter she’s beautiful as she is.. then presumably bring the wrath of god down on that poor child before things were cleared up.  The issue is more dragging the other sisters into it. It only fits the three above to really give a shit about making Lucy more “normal” and “Girly” and “Other stereotypical bullshit”. Luna is very chill and empathetic and would be the first to say “Wait maybe making her the opposite of herself isn’t a good idea”, Luan is likewise empathetic though I could possibly see it she really doesn’t need to be in this plot, Lynn ENTIRELY doesn’t fit as she prefers sports and getting dirty and what not and is the closest to Lucy out of the sisters and thus would probably be the most defensive about her not changing and that could’ve actually been interesting, Lana would be the same minus the being closest and Lisa is coldly detached a lot of the time and wouldn’t care about any of this on a good day. It feels HORRIBLY offensive and out of character to have them all suddenly be “nah your not girly enough”. These girls don’t give a shit about whose more feminine than who and it’s really bad to pidgeonhole them as that.  However.. I dont’ blame episode writer Gloria Shen entirely for this. She wrote it, she gets some of the discredit.. but she didn’t DIRECT the episode and a LOT can change from page to screen. No  THAT was series creator and known sexual preadator Chris Savino. And i’m not just blaming him because he’s a creepy asshole, but because the seasons he directed, seasons 1, 2 and most of 3, had a bad habit of having episodes where all the girls acted as a group and often to weak ends, like the green house, the one where they all fought, the gender swap episode or  heavy meddle.. which is a headache for another day. Point is it doesn’t surprise me he didn’t fix this or even genuinely cared to differentiate  them and it’d be until next season where the show fully became an ensemble piece. SO yeah I blame him on this not for his horrible history, but simply because it sounds like his writing style and as director, and a producer on the show, he had the power and responsibility to fix things and did nothing. So if it wasn’t directly his fault in the first place , he certainly didn’t fix it, call it out in storyboarding or well anything. So yeah shared blame all around.

So after a makeover montage, Lucy is uh... well I can’t describe the abomination they’ve created. 

I mean.. none of it works, and I think that’s very much the intent, dosen’t make it any less horrifying. Nothing about this is right: makeup REALLY shouldn’t go on a child in any circumstace so the blush on her cheeks is creepy and makes her look like one of those creepy porcelian dolls that i’m 100% sure either are planning to kill us all one day or were made to keep the souls of the damned trapped inside forever. The ear rings just look creepy and again are a bit much for an 8 year old, and the blonde hair just brings it all together. The pink outfit is fine.. I guess but the face is just so unsettling I can’t process the rest of her outfit and i’m not even going to try. 

Point is she looks terrifying, and not in the fun way she usually does, and Rocky dosen’t know what to make of this. Oh and if your wondering why he’s here Lynn just.. took a hockey stick to Lincoln’s project to get the Spokes Boys back over here, and Lisa mocked him for pointing out the obvious holes in their plan despite being 4 and LIncoln having a girlfriend at this point. Granted his relationship with Ronnie Anne at this point is also kinda effed up, but given you all pushed him in this direction, Lisa still has no room to talk and they amicably broke up at some point once the writers decided “Let’s pretend like this never happened and they were just friends, despite her being introduced with a crush on him and us still replaying episodes with said relationship in play, instead of actually dealing with this directly”. You may be easily able to guess what hte retrospective’s about at this point.  So Lori comes in for phase two .. WITH BOBBY!

Just.. I cannot tell you how much I needed my boy to calm me down after the last two scenes of horribly off character writing and ... that thing up there. He dosen’t do much this episode but every episode is better with Bobby and that’s a scientefic fact. So Lori claims they had a double date fall through which Bobby barely follows along with.. and it does kinda feel pressurey to kinda force Rocky’s hand here but her intentions ARE good, and a group date is a good way to relive presssure. It just ends up falling through becaue Lori wants her to act intentionally helpless, which makes no sense both for Lori’s personality given how driven and controlling she is and how Bobby clearly knows both things and likes the first and she worked on the second for him. So yeah the golf date falls through and Lori apologizes for being a bitch about all of this, as they all do, which again. .has me questioning WHY we needed the whole sister group instead of just Lori and co. Or even just Lori. The show REALLY needed to learn character ballance and while it is struggling on occasion, as seen with how lincolncentric this season has been so far, this episode reminds me it used to be MUCH worse. 

But Lucy thanks them because their intetnions were good, i’m going to need a citation on that given it came off as them wanting her to change because they found her weird nad not because they genuinely wanted to help her, and goes off to sulk about being alone. Lincoln dosen’t know what to do till the next day where, again suprisingly, Rusty had the right idea and had them come over to his place. We also find out he’s scared of blood.. which.. I can relate to. Seriously i’ve only insulted the guy once the whole episode

But we find that out because Rocky made his own because he actually found Lucy’s really cool, what a kid. So Lincoln gets the brothers over to his house by damaging the project himself then claming they need to go back and once he sees Lucy’s around has Rocky go into the kitchen to get them some sodas which he agrees to because why not. 

So in a nice little change-up on the running gag Rocky shows up startling Lucy and we get a really fucking cute scene as they hash things out. They have a normal conversation, finally getting past their shared awkwardness, in part because he admits he prefers her as herself.  As it turns out Rocky wasn’t scared.. he just thought she was too cool for him and felt intimidated and like Lucy had no idea what to say. The two then blush and after my heart melts and I freeze it back into shape in a few hours, the two decide to go look at her coffin collection and the next day proudly show off their perfected fake blood.. which destroys the project one more time. WAH WAH WAH. Oh rusty... I knew I could count on you to fuck up at least once. 

Back in Black Final Thoughts: First off Black in Black: Weird Name. I mean it kinda gives the game away, not that fans would thikn horrifying mistake lucy would stick but still, and dosen’t really fit. Call it “Why Do Ghoul’s Fall in Love” or something like that or something related to makeovers. Makeover Mistep. Don’t Make Me Over. Makeover Your Case... okay that last one sounds more like the Legally Blond equilvent of Cobra Kai but the point is it’s just weird.  Outside of the parts I already went in detail about why their dreadful.. this ep is pretty good. That one bit isn’t enough to derail the episode, merley take it’s goodness down a notch, and Lucy is genuinely fun to watch and her heartbreak is hard to watch, and Rocky was an engaging new character with lots of potetial. A large part of why I did this episode. is to ask WHY he hasn’t come back. Rusty’s now a major character, to the point he’s co-headlining an episode next week with Zach... why Zach’s getting an episode, a SECOND one at that I have no earthly idea but the point is the show’s getitng comfortable enought heir giving lincoln’s friends starring episodes without him too, as Liam got one , if alongside Lynn the power couple of 2021 I tells ya. My point is, besides when is Stella getting an episode dammit, that Rocky really should make a come back as he both provides another character for Rusty and the rest of the lincrew to bounce off of, and he and Lucy had genuine chemstiry and now she has her OWN cast there’s an easy story there about her friends reaction to her dating a non goth. There’s a lot of story potetial with this precious boy bring him back.  But overall Pretty in Black is a decent episode, worth checking out if you haven’t seen it and rewatching even if you have.

Stage Plight: So we open with Luann, whose one of my personal faviorites along with Leni, Luna, and Lucy. Granted I haven’t checked out her yearly bouts of going ax crazy on her family yet, but we’ll see in april. But outside of that, which is easy enough to isee iven it’s three episodes out of 214 where she’s like this and she gets her compuance, I find her precious, awkward, and entertaining, from her habit of saying “Get it “ to her love of puns, to the fact she’s essentially a wholesome version of the batman villian the ventriloquist..

Yeah in case you forgot about this gag, she often talks through her dummy Mr. Coconuts.. who functions as her sounding board and helps her figure things out, talks like he’s from the 40′s or 50′s, and in general is a delight. He also once or twice, including this episode acts of his own free will so I don’t know if this is a Child’s Play situation and a dying comedian put his body in her dummy and she’s just rolling with it, if she somehow put a piece of her soul in a dummy or what the hell’s going on here. Compared to the series recently what with it’s mayoral campagins, children murdering guys, and actualy factual spies, this is mildly sane. MIldly. This may also be a serious and untreated case of Disociative Identnity Disorder, but given it’s not framed that way, and Coconuts just seems to be Luann’s way of talking with herself, for now she has’nt gone full vintriloquist. Thoguh givne her april fools day behavior and her profession as a comedian, she probably WILL become the new joker at a some point. 

So the two are talking about Luann’s crush on Benny. Benny was introduced back in L is for Love and is one of the only three love interests there to actually return, and along with Sam the only onen to get multiple episodes about their relationship with their respective loud and a full personality. He was also MASSIVELY hated. For those who joined the fandom more recently, Luann was massively shipped with Maggie, an emo girl who showed up in Luann’s second spotlight episode and one where she didn’t torment her entire family, one I still need to see but have read about. It was pretty cute and nothing was wrong with that or the opposites attract dynamic. But said fans got REALLY and understandibly upset about his introduction and were presumibly none too happy he got to return and got his roll expanded.  And I.. genuinely like the kid. I have nothing against Maggie and in fact poly ship her with both Luann and Benny, as both seem like they’d be open to that and her dour demanor creates a nice contrast between the chipper luann and the somewhat chipper but also chill benny in the middle. I just feel he’s a very likeable character, sweet and awkward and very much on Luann’s wavelength. Like Sam he’s SIMILAR to his love intrest, having Luann’s love of puns, mime and the theater, but is also not quite as giggly about it and as I said has a bit more of a chill to him, in contrast to how sam is slightly more energetic to Luna’s near constant calm off stage. 

I also like him because he’s voiced by Sean Giabrone, an up and coming voice actor who I first met watching the Goldbergs as Adam. His other biggest role so far has been playing Jeff on Clarence, though he’s currently picked up another lead voice roll as Yumulack on Solar Opposites, easily one of the best parts of that show, and has done othe rminor and recurring work, but I feel he’s got the potetial to have a long and fruitful career in voice acting if he wants it. I mean he’s far from the first former ABC star or former Ron Stoppable to make a long and successful voice career of himself. Be the next will fredle man you can do it. 

But yeah I like him and think their cute together and feel demonizing a ship for one that had a low chance of happening isn’t fair, especially when you know, we’re in a fandom where incest runs rampant and is STILL a recurring problem to this day. Pick your fucking battles for god’s sake. As I mentioned you can put maggie in with this relationship or Still ship luaggie regardless. 

So back in the episode Luann and Coconuts notice Benny signing up for the school play and decide to join him. 

Yeah i’ve noticed that a LOT of school set plots are about one of the mains joining a play to either be near or play romantic lead with their crush, or romantic hyjinks happening anyway.  Seriously i’ts a lot. I DID think most of them were around romeo and juliet, and Proud Family, Pepper Anne, and Ned’s Declassified all are probably why, it’s actually way more diverse and i’m happy to give credit to shows and movies for that:  Jimmy Neutron used Macbeth (IN SPACEEEEEE), American Dragon Jake Long used Antony and Cleopatra, as did the comic strip Foxtrot (That one I remembered), Daria used the canterbury tales, Arrested Development used Much Ado about Nothing, and one of my faviorite instances is the film Get Over it. It’s a cheesy as hell early 2000′s high school pg-13 comedy, that I loved as a teen and nos nostalgicaly love but am aware it has issues and some stitled acting as an adult where our hero joins the high school play in order to win his ex girlfriend back from the douchebag she’s seeing now and ends up falling for his best friend’s kid sister instead. They do a mid summer’ night’s dream, which is not only awesome SOMEONE thought to use that one , as the film has given me a special affection for the play.. but it’s a cheesy musical version written by the gloriously over acted director of the play played by martin short. 

My faviorite part of it is the boy band style number about Hermia. Yes really. And I didn’t even get into the fact Siquo is one of the main character’s best friends, Kristin Dunst had to reshoot a scene while making the first rami spider-man , our heroes weird parents who are sex therapists and have no real filter AND offer Coolio a threesome on their advice show, and yes the actual coolio and yes that was an actual person that existed, or best of all the douchey rival who stole our heroes girlfriend, whose not only a former boy band member whose band peformed the song love scud, but also threatens our hero with nunchucks at one point. 

Just see this movie.. i’ll hopefully talk about it some day. 

Point is this kind of plot is stock.. but it’s the good kind you can do a lot of twists and turns with as every example mentioned, even the ones using the crush thing, had some clever twist or turn. And this one is no exception as we’ll see. 

So we meet Ms. Berardo, the schools HAMMY as hell drama teacher who gives herself an entrance and is just wondrously entertaining throughout. She’s played by Grey Delise Griffin, which I could recognize immodestly and man does she bring it. Seriously bring her back. Wonderful character. So our heroine and her leading man audition and in a refreshing change of pace they do not get the lead rolls, instead a modern valley girl and a jock who writes his stuff on his arms do so instead.  But since Bernado’s a bit nuts, she decides to have the Montagues and Capulets practice separately despite tha not making a ton of sense, to drive up tension and what not. I mean isolating an actor to drive up tension is a vallid technique but even having not read Romeo and Juliet since high school, over a decade ago, I can tell you they have several scenes together and this is a logistical nightmare. However our heroine finagles her way over to swapping camps so she can talk to Benny since honestly given the whole thing was a way to get to spend more time with him, she might as well quit otherwise. It also.. isn’t a bad tactic. She wants to know him before asking him out properly, which is fair and a good way to go, and they already know each other and are friendly, and it’s something she likes doing anyway as they were both involved with a play in his first appearance and her liking theater makes sense as she’s a comedian, and while she clearly prefers standup, it’s often a natural evolution to go fromt hat to acting in comedy stuff or making your own show, so it’s not a bad idea to learn that side of the buisness too. 

So Luann FINALLY gets to talk to Benny.. after fast ball specialing mr coconuts in the way of someone trying to sit down

But we get a really cute moment as the two just.. talk like two dorky teenagers; They talk about the real mimes of la, which I want badly to be a show.. even if it’s just to find out what the Mime from Animaniacs is up to now. Where DID that guy go? Did the anvil finally kill him? These are the kinds of things that keep me up at night.. which is probably why I’m finishing this at 4 in the morning. But the two have genuine chemistry with Luann offering him her banana, phrasing, and making a pun he chuckles at. It’s adorable as all hell. 

And Bernardo notices, and since her leads have no sparks she regretfully demotes them.. though their reaction is hilariously realistic as both are just happy to have less lines and walk off. She decides to cast Luann and Benny despite being freshman which would never happen but eh this is a unvierse with a snakebird and spies trying to destroy cherries with a death laser why I do I care two seasons later if two freshman got the leads in the play. Still I love the twist: our hero wasn’t trying to get the lead to creeiply force intamacy or anything.. the two just had natural chemistry and the director noticed that and wants to use it. 

But while this should be great.. it isn’t as Luann keeps dodging actually kissing Benny when they rehearse the kiss. The reason.. is really frigging endearing. Luann simply hasn’t kissed anyone before, this will be her first.. and naturally she’s REALLY nervous about having it in front of a crowd or Benny thinking she’s a bad kisser. And I mean... while I had no personal experience at that age in kissing, most media and personal accounts detail it as awkward as fuck. But that’s the irony: she dosen’t KNOW it’s always awkward and thus is putting a ton of pressure on herself like anyone her age.

So she breaks under the pressure despite the reasurances of her Dummy/Possible Sign that she needs therapy and while she finds a way out the next Day Benny has aburbtly quit because of “chess club”.. which he’s not in. Luann finds him and talks to him about it, worried it’s her fault.. and she’s right, though Benny bowed out because she clearly wasn’t comfortable with him and didn’t want to make her kiss him when she clearly wasn’t comfortable with it. What a man what a man what a mighty good man. Luann TRIES to explain.. and then lets Mr Coconuts do it. Which usually in high school would lead to humilating rejection. instead Benny brings out his own puppet Mrs. Appleblossom. 

Just those eyes.. black and souless.. like a doll’s eyes.. because htey are a doll’s eyes. So yeah Benny also has a puppet he uses to say the things he’s too nervous to say. Which is endearing even if again , KILL IT. KILL IT. I mean i’ts like tha tone guy from victorious if the puppets were actually charming and one of them looked like it was about to play hide the soul. Mrs. Appleblossom explains that Benny is also nervous and with the air cleared and the two realizing theyw ere nervous about the same thing... the inevitible happens

So that fades into the kiss happening on stage, with Luann’s family cheering her, our heroes take a fookin bow and Coconuts and Appleblossom look on.. and talk somehow...and somehow got in the seats on their own. 

Stage Plight Final Thoughts: This episode.. is one of the series best, with great pacing, a low amount of repetition and a relatable conflict, while building up Luann’s love intrest to be a wonderful and engaging guy, and giving us a hell of a guest character and Mrs. Gerardo. This episod eis great, the chemistyr between Gambrone and Pucelli is fantastic. This one is just awesome and worth a look especially if the ship contrversy had hit you hard. It really is good. And there’s always room for benny. Until the next rainbow it’s been a pleasure.