#also keep in mind i am writing these from the perspective of someone who cannot Play the actual game

[renegadesfic]

i said this on my main blog but i have Opinions on sonetto's character growth already thru just the first 4 chapters so here are some of my thoughts.

first of all, despite everything we learn about her and vertin's history in chapter 3, sonetto treats her at the start of canon not even as an equal but as someone to be revered. this makes sense because vertin is the timekeeper, which is a highly respected position, but i think it goes beyond that. it seems like sonetto has barely interacted with vertin since what happened at the end of the flashbacks in chapter 3 - she acts like she barely knows her. to me that makes it feel like she hasn't been closely interacting with her in a while, probably since she became the timekeeper, which means that there's a chance this is one of their first times working together. at this point sonetto is still very focused on the official tasks at hand, trying to deal with the whole regulus thing, focusing on Doing Her Job. this is pre-her being appointed as vertin's assistant so it makes sense that they're working in conjunction with each other instead of sonetto helping her in such a close way.

however. in later chapter 1 and chapter 2, where we really start to see the proper story pick up, sonetto is becoming increasingly connected to the outside world. she befriends sotheby, the first person she's really connected with outside the foundation. the foundation has been her whole life for as long as she can remember, but now she's meeting Real People and making Real Friends. this, naturally, is a Big Deal - this is what starts to turn the gears in her brain that we see finish turning in ch3/ch4, where she goes to bat for vertin directly, going as far as to raise her voice on vertin's behalf. at this point in the story she's finally seeing what vertin wants Everyone to see - that there is so much more to life than serving the foundation.

and then!! sonetto, always following rules, always obeying instructions, is put in a position where the timekeeper Isn't There. she's gone, she's with the manus, and sonetto has to step up as the interim leader of the mission, since she is now the timekeeper's assistant. and she DOES!!! supported by her New Friends!!!! i personally think it would've been extremely difficult for her to make these decisions if she hadn't already been separated from vertin and met sotheby in the forest. already, her personal growth is being spurred on by being outside the foundation in a much freer context.

so not only does sonetto step up, but she makes several crucial decisions, including saving marian. this is a thing i think some people would brush off as just a "protect the peace of mankind" thing but it's more than that to me. right now sonetto is desperately trying to fix the Timekeeper Being Gone situation and she explicitly chooses to find marian, who she knew was being kept somewhere due to the traces of potion, even though there are objectively Bigger Problems. imo this isn't just her following the mantra the foundation promotes, it is also showing that she has already started to Really care about people outside of the main mission and goal at hand. she doesn't need to do that, she could just help the timekeeper get out, but she feels an obligation to not just the foundation's stated ideal of helping the people but to her own developing moral compass, her desire to protect people vertin considers important. that is crucial because we establish very early that vertin considers Everyone important, hence the photo wall and all the memorial stuff she shows regulus. so sonetto saves marian, jeopardizes her own safety, to follow her idea of what the foundation's motto should mean, instead of acting as if the mission is the only thing that matters. she's developing her own view of what protecting the peace means.

and then the end of chapter 2. sotheby, sonetto's first real friend outside the foundation walls, loses her caretaker, the person who was tasked with her safety. she is so far in over her head and instead of sticking with vertin, keeping her head down until the storm is done, and holding herself in place, she goes to comfort her. not for the first time, she leaves vertin's side - in this case the seat next to her at the table - and goes to the other side of the table to sit with sotheby and comfort her. this is representative of more than just her desire to comfort her friends - her leaving vertin's side at the table is a metaphor for her slowly peeling herself away from the rigid conformity the foundation has forced on everyone in it, choosing to stand on her own with the friends she has made in the Real World.

and then, of course, sonetto goes back to the foundation, realizes people are fucking with vertin, and gets Mad. sonetto is notable for being extremely passive unless she's protecting the timekeeper, but this goes well beyond that. in this case she is not standing up for vertin against critters or the manus - she's standing up for her against the people she's listened to without exception for her entire life so far. and she's doing it for vertin, because vertin is not just her boss, she's her Friend, and sonetto Takes Care Of Her Friends. so for probably one of the first times in her entire life sonetto raises her voice at someone in charge of her. she shows resistance against the people who she thinks are hurting vertin, and who she thinks are hurting the rest of the friends she's made.

at the very end of chapter 4, sonetto seems like she wants to say something about everything that's happened, but chooses not to. i have a feeling that she's not making that choice because she doesn't value her contribution. i think she's making that choice because whatever she was going to say was something she thought constantine wouldn't like. and she's starting to understand the concept of going behind someone's back to do things that are really important.

[thesensteawitch]

WHAT CAREER SUITS YOUR SPIRIT?🧚🏻‍♀️✨

Pick A Pile Reading

Left to Right (Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hello, SENSTEA Souls!💕

Aah! Such a long time!!!!!!!! How have you all been? Missed me?🥹🫶🏻

I have been healing and purging and focusing on other things so I couldn't make time to write for you. But I will be trying to make one post in a week. 🌜

Now without any delay let's get into your reading. You know the drill right? Just pick one pile intuitively and scroll down to read your pile!🫶🏻

Also, if you wish to book a PERSONAL READING with me you can message me directly. And if not, then I am sharing the links to my rate card and booking form.

BOOKING FORM 🌸 RATE CARD

Tip the blog to keep it going! (It's not mandatory but appreciated!🐈‍⬛✨)

...

Here is your reading:

Pile 1

Tarot Cards- The Moon, 8 of Pentacles, The Hanged Man, Knight of Pentacles, Knight of Wands, 7 of Cups

This pile is intense. I heard, “If you dance, I'll dance. If you don't, I'll dance anyway.” You do not care if people do not believe your truth as long as you know that what you know is made known to you by the divine. Your spirit is magical, and hence it's called to explore mystical subjects. If you are someone who is not interested in mysteries or the intensity of your purpose, then I would suggest you choose a different pile because this group follows the calling of their spirit naturally. You're rebellious when it comes to your career. You are supposed to combine your purpose with your career. Anything related to digging deep, mystical, esoteric subjects, tarot, astrology, metaphysics, science, astronomy, diving, writing, art, detective, law, or surgeon is where you fit the best. You may have strong Scorpio placements. Check if you have Scorpio in your 11th house or if your Mars is in Scorpio because I am picking that strongly. Zodiac signs that are coming off strongly are Aries, Scorpio, Sagittarius, and Capricorn.

You require a lot of silence while working. Your path isn't easy; there are immense transformations in your journey. Your spirit continuously seeks to ascend through what you do. There may be times when your finances come to a halt and you need to do a perspective shift to do better. I can see that your body, mind, and spirit must be aligned with your purpose so that you rise to the top. What you're called to do is so powerful that illusions can easily take over. You are a truth seeker, and truth cannot be multiple, so finding it cannot be a race in your case. You need to move at a pace that is neither too fast nor too slow. Your spirit is like that of a magician walking on Earth. To the world, you may seem alluring, but you know what it costs you to follow your purpose. Every loss, death, and transformation that you come across drastically shifts your life. Speak more. Speak the truth. Your words will shock the public in a good way. You're here to open people's eyes to the truth through your work. Express often. Your power and your purpose are not scary; it's divine! You may also hold multiple degrees.

Pile 2

Tarot Cards- Justice, 3 of Pentacles, Queen of Swords, The Chariot, The Emperor

This pile is really intelligent. Anything that allows you to make use of your mind the most is something that will suit your spirit the best. A career where you'll be continuously learning and enhancing your skills. Teaching, medical (dentist I heard in my mind), law, business, accountant, marine officer/captain, and research are what I can think of looking at your cards. Your spirit demands and deserves to be the leader in your field. There will be challenges in your journey, which you will have the courage to overcome if you keep your emotions in balance. Your spirit will make you start from the basics. You are supposed to study a lot to be able to reach the top. You seem to be a multitasker or interested in multiple subjects, but that can bring a lot of chaos into your life. So your spirit is encouraging you to master one subject. If you throw yourself in multiple concepts, you will waver from the truth. Don't let your intellect go against you.

You're supposed to continuously research in your particular field and stand firm on your beliefs, so choose wisely and make sure you enjoy it for the rest of your life. Zodiac signs that I can sense are Gemini, Aquarius, Cancer, Aries, Capricorn, and Libra. In your particular field, you need to find a perfect teacher or organization that suits you and can help you achieve your goals. Learning through all the sources again will not be good for you. Pick one source and commit to it for at least a good amount of time. Your spirit feels at peace when you speak your truth without fearing what others may think of you. It's very important for you to have strong boundaries to do good in your career. Not having boundaries and sharing your business with everyone can do more harm than good to your career. Your brain is like a sponge. It absorbs everything without filtering the information. Rather than stimulating yourself with so much information, pick one path and find your truth. Talk to yourself more than you talk to others. You'll find your answer.

Pile 3

Tarot Cards- Page of Swords, The Star, Nine of Wands, 6 of Swords, 7 of Wands

Oh my God, pile 3, your cards were just not coming out. What are you so afraid of? There are two opposing thoughts going on in your mind when it comes to your career. You want to do something but you're doing something else. Your heart is at another place while your mind is at another. Your spirit wants you to get over this fear of the worst. There's no room for instant gratification when it comes to following your dreams. Believe me, you're not late when it comes to pursuing your dreams. You've definitely struggled in your career or are still struggling. Every day feels like another battle. Stop living like that. A new beginning lies on the other side of closing the door behind you. Be willing to let go of the old ways. So you're afraid of the challenges and the mountains you are supposed to climb to catch your dream? Well, aren't there struggles in what you are currently doing? Believe me, from where I see these challenges will refine your spirit and will take you closer and closer to your dream life.

Follow your heart, sweet soul. Believe me, it's all in your head. You have it in you to pass the tests that will come your way to achieve your dreams. Don't keep drinking poison just because you've gotten accustomed to the taste of it. Your taste buds can compromise, but your body will remember the damage that the poison is doing. Zodiac signs that I am picking up are Gemini, Aquarius, Leo, and Sagittarius. Either you can lead with courage or with fear. The choice is yours! Honestly, nothing is strongly coming off as to what career will suit you the best because right now your energy is guiding you to first free yourself of your own limitations. After that, you can think of what you want to do. But one thing I can say is that you're being called to do something that frees your spirit. There's such a deep desire in you to be someone else and do something else, but somewhere there's a thought that you won't ever reach there, so why even try? My goodness, you really need to talk to someone regarding this or just have a day of silence and be brutally honest to yourself. You are literally going opposite of your destiny, and that's why you don't feel the sense of accomplishment. I hear, “Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.”

[teejaystumbles]

Against all odds (Part 5)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

(this continues directly after Part 4, Hob reads the rest of Dream's entry)

Negligence and luck were my saviours in the end. I managed to escape and take my revenge. I have recovered my tools of office and my power. I am free. And yet I feel like part of me is still trapped inside that basement, as unconnected to the world around me as I was before, but in a different way. Before I was captured I felt, if not above then distinctly separate from humanity; I resented that my existence depends on them, on you. I felt detached, outside of what should be intimately familiar to me. Now I am able to recognise that, but to overcome my reluctance to embrace humanity more is still a struggle. I know that not all of you are like Roderick Burgess but the fear lingers, despite logic telling me there is nothing to fear. I know my function is to serve them and my imprisonment caused great harm to many. I see now why I cannot go on like I used to. I hope that you might help me with getting to know humanity again, as you have so many times before. I confess that in my mind you had stopped being simply a human and therefore outside of how I judged humanity. You might have worried I might look down on you, but in fact I have long since seen you as someone apart from the humans I tend to. For that I am sorry, because you are just as deserving and in need of my attention as everyone else. Your perspective was supposed to help me understand humanity better, to grow closer to humans and I failed to learn my lesson. I only grew closer to you, while completely ignoring that you are human and failing to extend my feelings for you onto the rest of humanity. I was supposed to listen to you and learn what it is like to live a human life, but I did not internalise the lesson. I hope that with time I will become able to value human lives in their entirety and show others more respect and compassion. This will not come easy to me after nearly a century spent in a cage at the hand of a human, but I will try.

I apologise, Hob. All this will not make much sense to you because I have still not told you who I am, and I still wish to do so in person. Suffice it to say that you have already glimpsed the truth and noticed changes that are related to my person and what happened to me. Feel free to guess, my friend, but be assured that I will give you my name soon. Maybe then you will understand the scope of all I’ve relayed to you.

I have laid myself bare for you, my friend. I do not think I could have articulated half of this had we talked face to face. Admitting to my faults and insecurities does not come easy to me. My ordeal has left me with some conditions that I did not know I was capable of suffering. As you already know I am struggling with being in enclosed spaces, and I feel especially reluctant if there is a lot of glass. I also do not enjoy being close to humans I do not know, although, as you well know, I know everyone. This is limited to certain aspects of their person, though, and does not include mind reading. Therefore I find myself apprehensive of their goals and possible actions, which is why I prefer to keep my distance. I know that these fears are not logical and that I should be able to “shake them off” - yet I cannot, and I do not know for how long they will impede me. My greatest fear I have so far not articulated, though. If I tell you my name, will you still look at me the same way?

The words stop without a farewell and Hob drops the journal with a choked sob, his eyes wide and watering. He wants to howl. He refrains for the sake of his neighbours and simply slumps to the floor beside the fallen book. It’s still open and Hob rereads the last line through more and more tears welling up. He makes a sound like a wounded animal and gets back up on his knees, searches for a pen on top of the desk and then immediately launches into writing a reply right there on the floor.

My friend, my dearest friend!

Why would you think that I would ever look at you differently? You are more dear to me than anyone else and knowing your name and who or what you truly are will not change that! I believe I have been privileged to get to know you over the few times we met, and even more through these letters we have been writing. Even if your name was Oberon, or Hades, or hell, even Lucifer! I would not look at you differently, except to ask you why you lied when I first guessed that you might be a demon. I don’t think you would ever lie to me, though. Whatever you are, I have thought about it and puzzled over it since I first met you, so you know that the only way I would look at you if I finally got to know your name would be with awe and curiosity - the same way I have always looked at you. You are endlessly fascinating to me and I cannot believe you would think that I might change my opinion on you because of something as unimportant as a name. I already know you, dear stranger, with or without it. So I say, don’t tell me unless you truly want to. Don’t think you owe me a name or explanation. I do not need it. All I need is you, and our conversations. 

Hob pauses his writing and lets the pen drop from his fingers, drawing a shaky breath and rubbing his eyes. He wishes he had planned this better, thought about what he would write before starting, but in the end it’s maybe best to give his stranger this excessive honesty. Hob has a bad feeling about his friend’s entry simply stopping and what he probably needs is immediate assurance. So this is what Hob will lead with, and address the other issues afterwards. He means it, too. He doesn’t care who or what his friend truly is. He’s Hob’s friend, the oldest and best he’s got, and he’s determined to keep him, no matter what kind of being he turns out to be. “My sister, Death.” That's what his stranger wrote, Hob remembers and flips the pages of the journal back, rereading the first part of his friend’s entry. Roderick Burgess tried to summon Death, and got her brother instead. Death’s brother. His friend is Death's brother. What could that possibly make him? One of the four horsemen? Pestilence, or Famine? War seems unlikely, somehow. Actually none of these fit his stranger, Hob thinks and shakes his head slightly. He gets up and sits at the desk, the journal open in front of him. He doesn’t quite know what to write next and so he drops the pen and goes to wash his face and make himself tea, trying to collect his thoughts in the meantime.

When he returns to the bedroom he finds he cannot write more without mulling it all over first. He feels empty, the horror of his friend’s ordeal growing more and more clearer in his mind. He doesn’t know what to write besides “Please let me hold you. Please let me make you smile. Please let me love you.” None of that seems even nearly appropriate to tell to a traumatised person that is probably not even remotely attracted to him. What his stranger needs now is a friend (well, actually a therapist, but Hob will do his best), not a clingy lover like Hob.

He goes to bed and leaves the journal open on the desk. Maybe when he wakes up he’ll be able to find the right words. He falls asleep to thoughts of prisons made of glass, his friend stuck inside, looking mournfully at him.

Hob dreams of the White Horse. He wears his modern clothes but the Inn looks like it did in 1589 and with a smile he sits down at the lavishly decorated table, ready to host his friend. When Hob looks up his stranger is standing a few feet away on the other side of the table. He looks like Hob saw him in his bedroom, although his hair is a bit wilder and his black coat looks longer and is speckled with stars. Hob smiles at him and gestures at the spread.

“My friend! Sit, eat! You must be awfully hungry!”

His stranger frowns and takes a cautious step closer, looking at the table laden with food, then back at Hob.

“You offer me sustenance, my friend?”

I offer you everything.

“Of course,” Hob exclaims, “this, and more! If there is anything I can give you, I will! Please, only ask and I will try and find a way to get it for you.”

Hob wants to stop talking but he can’t seem to stop the words. “Be it food or drink, or hugs, or kisses - everything I have, my heart, if you but ask, is yours.” He blushes, knows that his eyes have grown wide in shock and still he cannot stop looking at his friend, staring at him in open adoration. Brother of Death, brother of Death, his mind keeps shrieking at him and Hob feels his smile crumble in dread as his stranger does not visibly react to Hob’s words at all. Too forward, too honest! Fool, you dare, he chides himself and bites his tongue when he feels more words on the cusp of breaking free.

His stranger does not acknowledge Hob’s words, he slowly picks up a strawberry and takes a delicate bite. His dark eyes do not leave Hob’s for even a second, though. Hob feels heat pool in his belly and bites his tongue harder until he feels blood well up inside his mouth. He opens it and a drop spills out, staining his lips as red as the strawberry is staining his friend’s. His stranger’s eyes are black from side to side now, gleaming in the low light like pearls. Hob blinks and suddenly the man is right in front of him, reaching out until his fingertip gently brushes the drop of blood from Hob’s lips, the next moment he is standing at the other end of the table again, a half-eaten strawberry staining his fingers. Hob feels lightheaded and grips the table to remain upright. What is going on? This is the strangest dream he’s ever had. The voice of his friend is suddenly coming from everywhere, reverberating inside Hob’s head.

“I accept your offering, dear Hob. I promise to cherish it…and treat it with utmost care.”

Hob wants to ask what his friend means but he feels very tired all of a sudden, despite knowing that he’s already asleep. He feels himself sink back into what feels like soft cushions and the room darkens around them until all he can see are two twin stars twinkling in his friend’s eyes. Then there is nothing but darkness, and sleep.

Part 6

[deardiary1899]

king of new york is a catchy af song but i like to think it emphasizes something about race

i always found it as something that represented their wants and are somewhat expressions of them internally--

Race: A pair o' new shoes with matchin' laces <- Race wants something practical? I mean, in some productions, his socks don't even match!!!!!

Romeo: A permanent box at the sheepshead races <- Surprisingly, Race was supposed to have this line but was changed in the Broadway production. It's one of the main things I found interesting in the lyrics.

and, honorable mention to Davey:

Davey: A regular beat for the star reporter!

Davey's kindness is shown here. He prefers to move the attention to Katherine, and what he wants is never really mentioned

Anyhow, Ive read from another post that the boys are sharing these things according to what the other person likes, and that, is very cute and i love it, but I unfortunately cannot see it that way myself when it's with Race. Romeo may have said that line for Race, but, the lines Race sings in Carrying the Banner sort of correlates with his lines in KofNY. The said Race's lines in CtB are as follows:

Curdled Coffee / Concrete Donuts / Sprinkled with mold / Homemade / Biscuits / Just two years old

I am a true believer that the lines characters are chosen to sing are important to who they are, and I will find it endlessly curious as to why these are the specific things Race would list out, when most of the newsies at this part, something they want/that's currently happening/general observations or whatever. It's just so,,, curious to me how he speaks of THOSE things?? they're definitely not something they want, and it's poetic as FUCK??? like WHO hurt you mr higgins

It makes me think of Race as someone who is somewhat practical. I mean, outside of being sort of rowdy, excitable and the like, he's, without a doubt, smart af and like his historical counterpart, quite aware.

Race: Am-scray, punk / She's the king of New York!

Katherine: Whod'a thunk! I'm the king of New York!

Newsies: We was sunk, pale and pitiful

Katherine: Bunch'a wet noodles

Katherine & Newsies: Pulitzer's poodles!

Les: Almost about to drown in the drink

Buttons: When she fished us out

Race: And drowned us in ink!

Am-scray is one of my favourite parts here. Maybe because it was sung by Race but It’s Pig Latin.

I have NO Idea how common it is to learn that in the 19th century– but considering in Newsies (not as historically accurate) the boys don’t get a proper education other than Davey (but in a more historical perspective, they did. somewhat.), It’s EXTREMELY important to me how he knows such words like ‘Hoi-polloi’ (GREEK!!!), Am-scray and Gratis (LOOK i dont know how common words like that are, because im not a native english speaker and DAMN i don't know the usual 19th century lingo, but to me, it was a big big word)

Even more, his wit is shown well in the line ‘and drowned us in ink’. I’ve been obsessed with that since I heard it, and I’ll never get over how it is a BEAT that you can skip to in writing. It’s such a smooth and witty way to say that Katherine’s writing had helped them, and that ‘drowning in them in ink’ led them to get the fame they got (front page of the papers).

It’s also bitterly sweet to note that seeing their faces on the front page was more than enough to have them all tap-dancing, and although they may be forgotten the next day, it was all the worth.

this is all over the place, and moreso a ramble, but I REALLY wish we got more of Race because these specific things keep repeating in my mind ALL the time. I would ALSO like to state that Race was a HUGE driving force in this. I could write a WHOLE essay about him but kiss his ass and slap it because after getting hit around by oppressors and police, he knew they needed at least a moment of relief !!!!!!

TL;DR: I have a crush on Race Higgins and I need him real NOW

[antianakin]

I can't remember exactly which post it was on or the exact wording, but I saw you make an offhand comment about Ahsoka's decision to release Maul on the 332nd during Order 66 in one of your posts- (it was something about it being a bad decision, or indicative of her only caring about getting Rex out safely or something, I really am sorry I can't remember) -and I was wondering if you'd mind elaborating on your thoughts about that.

Oh gosh, yeah I probably discussed that back when I was writing stuff about the TOTJ episodes or something.

I think my opinion on it... sort-of evolved over time as I thought about that episode of TOTJ with the training and I kept going back over what Ahsoka does in the final 2 episodes of TCW.

I know I did originally see it as Ahsoka being attached to Rex, that she refuses to leave without him because she likes him, he's her friend, and she just quite simply wants to save him. But saving Rex requires a distraction that gets him alone and all she's got that's capable of providing that level of distraction is Maul. And while she refuses to hand him a lightsaber, she has to know that that's not going to really slow him down much or keep him from hurting/killing all of the clones she's intentionally hoping will go after him. I don't think she considers that Maul is going to provide his OWN distraction in the form of destroying the ship so he can escape, but I think that she WANTS the clones to try to stop him, knowing that it's very likely going to get them seriously hurt or killed in the process. So from that perspective, Ahsoka is choosing to sacrifice the rest of the men on the ship for Rex. She could've just... left. She might've been able to just make it to the shuttle on her own and snuck off the ship and the clones would've been enslaved to the Empire, yes, but they also would've still been ALIVE. And that's why I saw it as an attachment to Rex, and I think I sometimes used it as proof that Ahsoka seriously struggled with it as an impact of her training from Anakin.

HOWEVER.

Post-TOTJ, as I thought about it and argued about it over and over again, one of the things that came to mind is that Ahsoka may NOT have been able to make it to the shuttle on her own at all and she might have known that. She knew that the men would be waiting for her in the hangar and didn't have a way of sneaking in that she trusted would work. What she needed was an ally, someone who could potentially help her get past the rest of the men so they could get to the shuttle as bloodlessly as possible. She CANNOT make it off of the ship alone and Rex is the only one who appears to have hesitated in responding to Order 66 and was able to get a warning out to her, so he's the obvious choice to try to save. He's also the highest ranked on the ship, which helps, too.

So saving Rex may have been less a choice based on attachment and more of a choice based on strategy and the "lesser evil." She releases Maul because she NEEDS Rex, she can't survive without him, and she's hoping that the men will be able to put him down without her (although some part of her has to know that they won't). She just wants to get off this ship, she just wants to survive and she needs someone on her side in order to do that and it HAS to be Rex. Releasing Maul was a move made out of pure desperation, knowing that it will result in the probable deaths of a number of the men, because she has literally zero other real options available to her. It's putting her survival above the men's, sure, but her only other option is to just let them execute her or make a hail mary run to the hangar by herself that is very likely to get her killed anyway and doesn't make any real strategic or tactical sense.

It could also just as easily be a combination of both motivations. She needs an ally to survive at all and it makes the most sense to try Rex first, but she also just wants to save her friend because she cares about him more than the rest of them. The first one allows her to justify the second one.

And this sort-of newer interpretation of the scene brought to light part of why that TOTJ episode really frustrated me and made no sense. A MAJOR element of the final two episodes of TCW were to showcase Rex and Ahsoka's relationship, to show that it's THAT RELATIONSHIP that saves Ahsoka in the end at all. It's Rex's hesitation, giving her about 10 extra seconds to figure out what's happening and respond that no other Jedi is ever given, and his information about finding Fives that allows her to understand what's going on with the chips so she can remove it from Rex, that gives Ahsoka the headstart she needs to survive where very few other people did. It's ALL ABOUT REX, it's about how much Rex cares about her, and how much Ahsoka trusts and cares about him in return. THAT'S what's different about it. It's not about Ahsoka being more skilled or trained than your average Jedi Master and so she can go up against the clones alone and live.

The WHOLE POINT is that Ahsoka never would've survived without Rex's hesitation. And Rex never would've hesitated without Fives' sacrifice and information. Ahsoka is saved because of Rex and Fives, not Anakin. Fives couldn't save the entire Order or the Republic or the rest of the clones, but his efforts did save Rex and Ahsoka. And that's where the emotion comes from. He couldn't save everyone, but his actions did save two people and it left Rex and Ahsoka alive to go save more people. One small pebble leaving ripples in a very large pond. Pretending that Ahsoka survived instead because of some sort of abusive training she got from Anakin that makes her better, faster, stronger than everybody else just devalues that entire message and I hate it.

I recognize I got away from the original question a little there, sorry. I think that basically whether you believe she did it out of attachment or desperate strategy, the important part is that it's about REX, that Ahsoka cannot survive without him in this moment. She may not be making the RIGHT choice to release Maul, but, as Yoda says earlier, she may be making the ONLY choice she can really make at all in this moment. She saves Rex, she survives, but it comes at a cost. And once Order 66 had hit, there was never going to be an end to that story that didn't come with a cost somewhere, it was just a question of what that cost was going to be and whether she was willing to live with it or not.

[irithnova]

This is a repost but I've made some edits, it was originally in response to an ask I received about how I personally go about making Siberia OCs (as a complete foreigner) and how I portray their relationship with Russia

Start of post:

I know that you're probably aware but for anyone who stumbles upon this post, I'm not Northern Asian or Siberian myself. I'm just someone who's interest/hobby is researching Northern Asian history and culture (started with just Mongolia, my interest also extends to Central Asia) which started when I was around 13/14? So please keep that in mind. This is a post written by an outsider (with the perspectives of Northern Asians taken into account of course), for other outsiders.

If I'm being quite honest, Hetalia Siberia OCs in particular are quite a... Niche corner of the Hetalia fandom. Especially in the anglophone/Western fandom. I'd say they're more popular in Russian speaking country personification communities (not always specifically Hetalia) purely because of the obvious - Siberia is a part of Russia. Unfortunately I do not speak Russian, nor am I really familiar with the Russian speaking hetalia fandom or country personification circles. However I have spoken to Northern Asian folk who are a tad more familiar with these circles than I am, and have come to find that even then, people who post Siberia personification OCs are few and far between, and those who do, post them very rarely and there's little else of these characters other than once in a blue moon art.

In the Western/English speaking fandom, as I've said before, there's really not a lot of us. Most representations of Siberian hetalia OCs usually come down to sparse dottings of fanart across different sites such as Tumblr, Deviantart, and Instagram. I am not on the hetalia amino so I wouldn't know but I highly doubt there are many, if any, Siberia OCs posted on there. I frequent hetalia twitter, particularly amongst North Asia (by that I mean Mongolia) adjacent posters, who are mainly Japanese. However it seems as if Mongolia is the furthest North most will go. So the circles I'm personally aware of (well not really circles as there's not a lot of us in the English speaking fandom) that do post about Siberia OCs are mainly here on tumblr, instagram, and I guess some rare art posted on Deviantart.

Honestly I don't think I can really recommend someone in these circles that I'm aware of (other than @peonycats as we developed a lot of these OCs together along with a lot of research of course) in terms of writing their relationships with Russia respectfully or writing respectful OCs in general for quite a few reasons:

Some of these creators don't post their OCs frequently enough for me to pass a judgement on/have become inactive

I don't know some of them personally, so again, cannot pass any judgement

Some creators genuinely have really insensitive portrayals of Siberian groups relationships with Russia

I am aware of certain creators who have excused racism against Northern Asians and others who have defended the Russian state's mistreatment of them (yes, despite posting about Northern Asians). I'm not giving out specific names but I'm not going to recommend them either

This isn't me trying to toot my own horn when it comes to hetalia Siberia OCs as despite my long standing interest, I want to reiterate that I am not from there. But to answer your question on how I would personally represent them/how I'd approach representing them from an outsiders POV (I guess this could apply to other country personification communities too such as countryhumans because of the common theme but I've only ever been in hetalia so,):

I think part of the question can be answered with the post you are referring to. It is vital to understand the nature and history of why Siberian groups are a part of Russia in the first place - colonisation. And it is just as vital to understand and acknowledge the effects of colonisation on such groups and the ongoing mistreatment and injustices they face under the Russian state. Without this in mind, representations of Siberian groups' relationships with Russia end up being tone deaf and one dimensional at best. At worst, orientalist caricatures and/or colonisation apologia.

This does take a lot of reading and research. Not just on the aforementioned topics, but also on orientalist depictions and stereotypes that are associated with Northern Asians. It's all good to be knowledgeable on how the colonisation of Siberia took place and ongoing injustices indigenous Siberians face, but that with no understanding of racist and exoticised stereotypes - a majority of which being a result of colonisation and an overall eurocentric outlook on "unsettled" peoples (putting "unsettled" in quotes here because the concept of a people being unsettled is in itself a eurocentric concept that was used to justify colonisation and the concept of "virgin land" that I talked about in my previous post), still results in insensitive depictions, both overall as characters and especially with their relationship with Russia. It's no good touting facts about how the Sakha people were colonised but then make up headcanons about how Russia had to "teach" Sakha to "behave" (this is a real example I've seen).

That being said, whilst it is obligatory that those topics are read about and applied accordingly, I also believe giving them agency is just as important. I don't want to say "putting too much emphasis on the colonisation aspect" but rather, emphasis on the colonisation and ongoing injustices without giving them a level of agency can also result in insensitive depictions. Siberian groups did and continue to fight/push back against the Russian state and it is just as important that their efforts and diligence against the face of their oppressor is acknowledged. It is correct to acknowledge that they are victims of Russian imperialism, but it is also correct to give them agency and depict them giving Russia pushback. Otherwise, this sort of portrayal diminishes the vast efforts Siberian groups have gone through and continue to go through against a much more powerful nation, and you end up with a bunch of OCs who's entire characterisations consists of merely being a punching bag for Russia.

On the other hand, and this is a depiction I've seen: there is such a thing as tokenising Siberian groups solely in order to signal to people how much you hate Russia. In this way, Siberian groups are depicted only as tools for the original poster to vocalise their distaste of Russia, with little exploration of their relationship with Russia outside of this and frankly, little exploration of them as characters and their history/culture overall other than "lol guys look they're trolling Russia!!!1" (and this is on the rare occasion that they are even talked about by such creators). I have absolutely no problem depicting them trolling Russia or conspiring to ruin Russia's day or something because we all know he deserves it, but this should not be the sole way in which such groups are ever brought up - if they are even talked about in the first place. I'm not saying to depict their relations with Russia as only doom and gloom and I do think the concept of them trolling him or annoying him is funny, but when such groups are only brought up in order to show them pwning Russia and nothing more, it, 1) runs the risk of downplaying the severity of the mistreatment they go through 2) runs the risk of these OCs not having any character outside of their relationship and interactions with Russia 3) can even give off the impression that Russia is the victim of their bad behaviour rather than the other way around.

It's even worse if offensive stereotypes are used in these depictions. Whilst Greenland is not a part of Siberia, groups in Greenland and Siberia are in many ways related not just through history and culture but also in the ways in which they are stereotyped. I've seen a depiction in which it seemed as if the creator was acknowledging that indigenous Greenland groups are mistreated, but to combat this they portrayed Greenland as being a violent, unruly drunkard that "abused" Denmark all the time, but it's okay because Denmark deserved it. Not only is an offensive stereotype of indigenous Greenlanders being used in this "look at Greenland owning Denmark!" portrayal, but Denmark is almost seen as a victim of Greenland's bad behaviour rather than the other way round. This is why I said that it is so important to learn about offensive stereotypes that are associated with Northern Asian folk, because you can be knowledgeable on how they are mistreated but still create insensitive depictions if you are not familiar with racist stereotypes. Nothing wrong with depicting Siberian groups giving Russia pushback, or depicting them annoying or trolling him, but please don't fall into using offensive stereotypes to do so and do not solely use these groups as a tool to display your hatred of Russia - that in itself is dehumanising.

When I say that "I'm not saying to depict their relations with Russia as only doom and gloom", that certainly doesn't mean portray them as being in love with Russia with little acknowledgement of ongoing injustices. Ships are a tricky enough subject in the hetalia fandom because of the nature of the content, however it's important to be sensitive if you are portraying an indigenous and settler relationship, especially if the colonised are still a colonised people with no independent state of their own and are "autonomous regions" that are a part of the coloniser nation state. I will not speak on Siberians who may choose to do this as this is their lived experience (though, I have not come into contact with any so far that do so - and those I have talked to about this topic have shown great distaste towards these types of depictions), but if you are an outsider who chooses to do this you seriously need to be careful (speaking as an outsider).

I cannot tell you what to ship or what not to ship. But I can sure as hell tell you that I have seen depictions of Sakha (for example) being portrayed as a woman who is infatuated/in love with Russia, who has "forgiven" Russia for everything he did, and who selflessly does things for him. And I can't say that the Sakha people I have talked to are impressed with this portrayal.

It's even worse when you consider that the whole "Sakha woman selflessly in love with a Russian man" is literal colonisation apologia:

There is an overglorified myth promoted of a Sakha woman called Abakayade selflessy marrying a Russian settler by the name of Semyon Deshnev, whereas in reality she was forcibly converted and married to him. The picture of the statue I linked above is colonial apologia, that is supposed to represent the "love" between the natives and settlers.

I myself do not ship any Siberian indigenous group with Russia and I'm not planning on doing so. All I can say is to tread lightly, and don't push out flimsy half-baked portrayals without thoroughly thinking about it considering the steep power imbalance between the indigenous and the settlers, especially amidst the recent and ongoing disproportionate mobilisation of indigenous peoples in the invasion of Ukraine. How I see it anyways, there are much higher stakes when shipping an indigenous group and it's settler vs two nations who have a long history of warfare with each other like France and England, or at least two independant nations. I, as an outsider, personally would not romanticise or make a lovey dovey relationship between an indigenous group and the settler group period - especially as I am not indigenous in any sense and when it comes to Siberian indigenous, those I have talked to so far from this region seem to unanimously dislike such portrayals.

This point kind of links to my previous one, but I would not portray a Siberian group and Russia's relationship as the Siberian group being some sort of helper or even something of a mom friend - a "rock to lean on" in Russia's life who "keeps Russia in check". I have seen this portrayal with Sakha, Kazakhstan and even Belarus. It's already quite odd to depict the colonised comforting the coloniser. However it gets a little more problematic when you realise that the colonised are almost being portrayed as accessories of Russia/ enthusiastic bearers of emotional labour for Russia. I have spoken to a Northern Asian who is more familiar with Russian country personification communities and they've seen a portrayal that unfortunately, fits that description almost perfectly.

It's important to portray their relationship with Russia as rounded and with both sides having equal say and shown to be fully developed characters in their own rights, though this applies more specifically to the Siberian OC in the relationship as they are the ones who are often reduced to accessories in their relationship with Russia. By this I mean that depictions of their relationship with Russia centre around Russia's feelings and perspectives with little thought put into their feelings and perspectives. They simply act as sidekicks or side characters to Russia rather than fully fledged out characters with their own agency and opinions. Further, it's pretty egregious to show the Siberian group as acting as comforters to Russia who willingly and even enthusiastically partake in engaging in large levels of emotional labour for Russia to "keep Russia sane" when Siberian groups have historically been exploited by Russia and continue to be exploited by Russia to this very day. From fur tax, to forced conversions and Russification, to nuclear testing sites that resulted in poor health conditions for those who inhabited the area, to the disproportionate mobilisation of indigenous Siberians in the invasion of Ukraine - it hasn't stopped. This isn't to say that you're not allowed to depict a lighter side to their relationship, but to boil it down to "Sakha/Buryatia/Chukotka etc. are fiercely protective of Russia/selflessly goes out of their way to help Russia/act as Russia's rock to lean on" is very... Questionable, considering the circumstances.

Bit of a side note but in general you should not be treating Siberian OCs as exoticised accessories. Of course there is nothing wrong with admiring their clothing or jewellery or arts, however it becomes a problem when outsiders use these aspects of their culture to mystify such groups and subsequently view them through an exoticised lense - and so they are reduced merely to pretty objects for outsiders to ogle, and not groups of real people. Because of how niche Siberia OCs are, some may think that drawing a Siberian in a pretty headdress or posting "Siberian aesthetics" and calling it a day is enough to be deemed as knowledgeable or sensitive on the culture in question despite other actions showing otherwise, because there's not really anyone to call them out on their questionable treatment of such cultures. But just know, it's not acceptable to reduce such cultures to merely aesthetics, real research and most importantly respect is the priority (I have unfortunately interacted with people who would repost indigenous Siberian clothing and aesthetics for example but then at the same time, justify/dismiss their mistreatment under the Russian state.)

On an (almost) final note, I would never portray Russia as being a father or even teacher to any Siberian group - period. I've talked about this in a previously very strongly worded post, however portraying Russia as a father to any Siberian group holds many questionable and downright offensive connotations. First of all, these groups existed before Russian colonisation, they had their own unique histories and cultures before Russian settlers arrived. These groups have histories that go back further than the very concept of Russia. This sort of paternalistic outlook is often used by settlers around the globe and colonisation apologists - that the groups they colonised had no culture and no real tangible history before their colonisers arrived, and that the coloniser in question acted almost as a parent and/or teacher to the colonised, lending them a generous hand to "civilise" and "enlighten" the "barbarous" indigenous people. This kind of portrayal of a Siberian group's relationship with Russia is misguided at best and colonisation apologia at worst. Siberian history did not start when Russians arrived, culture was not gifted to them by Russia.

Finally (can you tell I'm a professional yapper?), this is about portraying 2P!Russia or the "evil side" of Russia as... The Asian/Siberian part of Russia. This goes far beyond a mere "disrespectful" portrayal of Russia's relationship with Siberian groups. I'm going to insert an excerpt here on an up and coming post of mine that centres around how anti-Mongolian sentiment manifests, however anti-Mongolian and anti-Siberian sentiment often overlap because they are Northern Asian groups,

Brief summary of what oriental despotism is:

Oriental despotism is the theory that Asian societies are more inclined/prone to authoritarianism than European societies. It is a eurocentric view which paints Asian civilisations as a monolith and ignores complex power structures and nuances in favour of oversimplifying them as simply being authoritarian/having an extremely strong centralised and most importantly "despotic" (basically, backwards) rule.

"...Russia's weirdness and antisocial behaviour when compared to other European characters being blamed solely on Mongolia/Asiatic influences in Russian culture is the theory of oriental despotism rearing its ugly head even if people are not aware that they are doing it.

This next point not only talks about Mongolia but the indigenous Siberians of Russia. I have seen people make 2p!Russia (AKA "evil" Russia) Asian or represent Siberia because:

1)They want to show the Mongol/Tatar influence/side of Russia 

2)They want to show the Siberian side of Russia

Considering 2p Hetalia characters are often portrayed as the "dark side" or "evil side" of nations I don't think I need to explain why this is racist, especially after the explanation of what oriental despotism is

In the case of the Siberians I'd argue it is even more egregious to do this. Siberia is a part of Russia because of Russian imperialism/colonisation. Many indigenous Siberian people were killed, their languages and way of lives close to destroyed or destroyed period, and are being disproportionately mobilised by Russia in Russia's invasion of Ukraine. In fact, Siberian soldiers, especially Buryats who are a Mongolic people, are being scapegoated for the brunt of Russia's war crimes in Ukraine. 

Pope Francis himself scapegoated the non-(ethnic) Russian soldiers for a majority of Russia's war crimes in Ukraine:

“Generally, the cruellest are perhaps those who are of Russia but are not of the Russian tradition, such as the Chechens, the Buryats and so on,”

From:

...So not only is Russia being called a continuation of the Mongol Empire, with articles titled "Putin Khan" being published without anyone batting an eye, and with a Siberian/Mongolic ethnic minority being scapegoated for Russia's war crimes despite them being victims of Russian imperialism and an ethnic cleansing, do you understand how insensitive it is to make the "dark/2p Russia" a representation of Siberia or the Mongol/Tatar influence on Russia?

To note: It's not just Buryats being disproportionately mobilised.

To use Russia's indigenous Siberian population as a representation of 2p/dark/evil Russia is so unfair it beggars belief. Those people are victims of Russian colonisation, yet their "despotic, Asiatic" ways will be used by racists to scapegoat Russia's bad behaviour onto, despite again, being victims of Russian colonisation and imperialism themselves.

Yes, Russia colonised you, forced you out of your traditional ways of life and destroyed the use of your language. Yes, the Kremlin is unfair to you and you live in the most deprived and poverty stricken areas of Russia. Yes, you're being disproportionately mobilised in Russia's invasion of Ukraine. But you committed the crime of ruining the whiteness of Russia simply by existing there - your despotic Asiatic ways is one of the reasons why Russia is so backwards, you are at fault for the brunt of the warcrimes committed in Ukraine because you are inherently more "barbaric" than white Russians.

"Confronted with a world ruled by the settler, the native is always presumed guilty" (Frantz Fannon)""

That's all I have to say on that topic for now. I decided to include it as although it's technically kind of a portrayal of Russia's relationship with Siberian groups, as the Siberian groups are all blended into one and then made the "evil" part of Russia. It's genuinely one of the worst interpretations I've seen of Russia and Siberian groups in a hetalia context.

Oh and, this should be obvious. Singular Siberia OCs (as in, "Here is my aph Siberia OC who represents THE WHOLE of Siberia and is the amalgamation of EVERY SINGLE SIBERIAN GROUP INTO ONE!!") will always be offensive, period. I talk about this in a previously strongly worded post and the post mainly centers around this point. What's funny is, this post was part of the reason of why someone thought it was acceptable to harass me with fake accounts on, as they (not Siberian or even Northern Asian) argued people should be "able to do what they fucking want <3" (actual quote) in terms of depicting singular Siberia OCs. Meanwhile, actual Siberians agreed with the post. So, there's that. Again, this seems to be an acceptable interpretation to some which I would find funny if it wasn't so... Stupid? It's like making a singular Africa OC. It completely undermines the diversity of the groups that inhabit Siberia. I've seen people justify this kind of depiction by saying "well all of these cultures were killed by Russia/are dead now anyways so that means it makes sense for them all to be portrayed through (1) personification" I'm sorry but 1) So many of these cultures are still alive and kicking, they most definitely aren't "all dead" 2) Who the hell are you as an outsider to declare a culture dead? Especially when there's evidence to the contrary?

The worst singular Siberia I've seen was an abomination of the singular Siberia OC and "Russia as a father to Siberian groups" mashed into one. It went like "Russia was walking along the empty snowy plains of Siberia and found a little girl there who was the representation of Siberia and he raised her and is partly her biological father". Let's break this down:

Strike 1: The concept of Terra Nullius or "Virgin Land" - Siberia was not an empty no mans land for settlers to roam around in and lay claim on, it has been the home of indigenous Siberian groups for thousands of years

Strike 2: Undermines the brutality of the colonisation of Siberia and the atrocities that took place

Strike 3: Singular Siberia OC

Strike 4: Russia being this personifications biological father and the father who raised her. This has... Extremely disturbing connotations, especially on the biological father part when you consider the sexual violence indigenous Siberian women were subjected to. This is also why I bitched about that interpretation I saw of Sakha being portrayed as a woman who is hopelessly in love with Russia.

Here's that strongly worded post in question, yes I do sound like a grade A bitch here but you would not believe the crap I've seen that lead up to me making this post:

What's most important in depicting Siberian groups' relationships with Russia is by seeking out Siberian perspectives online whether it's through forums or videos, and if it's possible - asking them directly. You cannot make an OC that is a representative of a nation/group of people without centering and incorporating the aforementioned peoples voices, especially if the OC in question is a representative of an indigenous group because frankly, there are higher stakes with such depictions. I understand with certain groups it's harder to directly reach out to them, whether it's because there's not very many of them or for other reasons. In the meantime though, that should not stop you from doing reading and research, and getting into contact with other groups and asking their perspectives.

TL;DR

It's important to do research on the colonisation of Siberia and the ongoing injustices Siberians face at the hands of the Russian state in order to depict a sensitive portrayal of a Siberian group's relationship with Russia. Research should also be done on racist and exoticised stereotypes Northern Asian folk face in order to avoid such stereotypes when depicting such relationships with Russia. They should be acknowledged as victims of Russian imperialism but they should also be given agency and should also be depicted as giving pushback so as to acknowledge the efforts Siberian groups make in order to fight back against mistreatment of the Russian state. I would not personally portray a Siberian group entering into a  romantic relationship with Russia as the Siberians I have spoken to are uncomfortable with this kind of depiction, if you choose to do so however as an outsider - be careful.

Siberia OCs should not be treated as accessories or enthusiastic bearers of emotional labour to Russia and should first and foremost be fully fleshed out characters with their own thoughts, feelings and personality outside of Russia before depicting their relationship with Russia so as to avoid unknowingly portraying them as accessories to Russia. I would not portray Russia as being a father or "teacher" to any Siberian group as the former is blatantly historically incorrect and offensive, and both are concepts that are used by settlers and colonisation apologists alike ("the indigenous had no culture or tangible history before we came, we acted as a teacher/parent to them in order to civilise them). Singular Siberia OCs that are meant to represent every single Siberian group in one personification will always be offensive. When making Siberia OCs and depicting their relationships with Russia, research and seeking out Northern Asian perspectives is vital.

My personal interpretation:

Honestly, I think the most positive feeling Siberian groups feel for Russia is tolerance. The baseline emotion they have for him is dislike/distrust. I see Russia as kind of being... Fake nice to them if that makes sense? Not in a two faced sense but I think he likes them on a very surface level as of course they are a part of Russia so he will include them in on things/have groupchats with them/visit sometimes but it's kind of like. Beyond that he isn't so nice in the sense of actually taking their complaints and criticisms to heart and has an "everything is fine ^J^" mentality to things. So many places in the far East of Russia are extremely neglected because the Russian state does not care to improve living conditions for such places - Tuva being a prime example. I think Russia usually gives more attention to regions that he can get something out of, like Sakha with his rich mineral reserves.

Sometimes for PR purposes he'll tokenise Northern Asian groups to tout himself as being a #rich and #diverse nation like "wow, I am such a diverse nation and we treat our ethnic minorities/indigenous groups as one of our own" and "our ethnic minorities are not victims unlike American SJW ones" (actual shit I've seen Russians say). Basically, he'll use them to big himself up all the while his treatment of them is questionable at best. I also think Russia orientalises them to an extent and will sometimes refer to them as "fierce warriors" or some other bullshit like that (again, actual shit I've seen Russians say) and usually doesn't really take their complaints seriously or kind of brushes it off, if not that he'll minimise their complaints. A lot of them usually bite their tongue and roll their eyes at this.

There are quite a few (like Sakha for example) I think who go full on lawyer mode as a way to give Russia pushback (this forces Russia to respond essentially) but also I do think it's funny when they just conspire to ruin Russia's day somehow or troll him/are snappy or petty to him. Basically, they only really tolerate him at best and see right through his childish/innocent/friendly demeanour. Not to say that there aren't lighter moments between them or that every interaction between them ever is antagonistic but yeah. Hm I don't think they're as...Afraid of him as a lot of other nations are? Not that they don't ever fear him or fear the consequences of questioning his actions, but moreso that well - they're a part of Russia of course and so are more used to him. Less fear going around more "oh god what's he going to do this time".

[shai-manahan]

hello!!! how are you? :) i was wondering if maybe you could teach me how to make diverse characters? like fr i try so hard to make characters from diverse background but always end up with the same old american or british character when there are so many nationalities to be covered!! if i could learn even a fraction of your greatness i'd be grateful to you for life 😗👉👈

p.s. the last time i attempted to make a nepali character i was almost stoned to death so im terrified of creating new characters incase i offend someone accidentally... ehe

It’s not really something I can teach. I can only offer my opinions, and I am certain that other writers of color will not feel the same way in some regards, so please understand that while I made a long post about this, you shouldn’t use this as the only guide you’ll use for writing. This is not a list of everything you need to know. I can see you’re being genuine about it, but there’s a whole lot of extensive research you’ll have to do based on what you’ve said in this ask.

First of all, I think it would be a better idea for you to take a moment and assess why your readers hated the way your Nepali character has been portrayed. Because I’m going to be honest with you; even minority authors are terrified of writing characters that have a similar heritage with them -- perhaps on an even larger extent compared to when white authors write characters of color -- and that fear never really goes away. We also make mistakes. We sometimes make writing decisions that are seen as bad by the people belonging to our communities. But we do try to learn from them, and that’s what matters the most.

So your first step should be to look back, trace your logic, figure out what went wrong and what you can do to prevent it from happening again, and only when that happens can you attempt to write characters that come from varying origins. 

I know it’s easier to avoid all that effort and make it so that every character in your story comes from one or two backgrounds only, but using that reason, wherein an author refuses to write characters of color because they can’t be bothered to research other people’s experiences... it’s honestly a lazy decision that will make your readers of color to feel excluded. 

But of course, writing a harmful representation of minorities is just as bad, if not worse. I am by no means an expert, but I do have some general tips you can perhaps start with. 

1. Research

I know this is already a given, but I cannot tell you how many writers tend to skip this stage. Make sure that your sources are reliable, preferably written or made by people who come from that culture themself, and gather every single bit of information you can while keeping in mind that not everything you see in a single google search would be accurate. Look at the associated stereotypes, study their culture, read memoirs, articles, studies, etc., and start building a backstory for your characters.

2. Get sensitivity readers

This is very important. If you know people who would be willing to give their feedback for free, then good for you. But take note that whether or not you paid for their services, there is a possibility that there could be some bias existing, so please, if you can, get multiple sensitivity readers. One person’s opinion should not be your sole source of information. People who belong to minorities are not a monolith, after all. 

Also! Please, please never accuse anyone of racefaking. There is no excuse to this. Just because a person doesn’t agree with you, no one has the right to accuse anyone of that. I have seen some authors do this... and it’s highly disturbing. (and no, it doesn’t matter if you’re getting the rudest anons on your blog. it’s blatantly racist)

Just keep an open mind about everything you might hear, because some of them will be uncomfortable to your ears and might even seem harsh through your perspective. It won’t even be surprising if some of your testers simply walk away after an argument or two, as it can seriously be tiring to have to explain to an author what they have done wrong -- much more if the author never took an effort to listen -- but like with everything else, you can learn from your mistakes.

3. Writing characters of color should not be a mere part of a checklist

Look, this needs to be said. A mere mention of your character’s nationality is never enough for a representation. I’m including this because I am seeing countless stories where the supposedly ethnically diverse characters aren’t really... diverse. Regardless of their viewpoints towards their heritage, people’s ethnicities do affect the way they live in some ways (as well as their gender, education, sexuality, religion, and social status) and some authors seem to forget that. 

I hate seeing writing advice being phrased like -- “it doesn’t matter where they’re from! just write them as you would any other character!” -- because while there are some points to consider there, people coming from vastly different cultures would be shaped by those cultures no matter what, albeit in different ways.

As such, even things like answering asks on your blog and describing their favorite things aren’t enough to say that you're properly representing them. If you as an author can't manage to include how the character's identity affects them within the narrative of the game, then what is it all for?

Be careful about distancing your character from their culture too much as well. Unless you have another character with the same heritage that balances that out, this is almost like you’re erasing the identity they had to live with. You are not being diverse by doing this; you are simply stripping away the very thing that has molded your character’s life; and it is such a huge disrespect to the people who have been wanting so long to finally see their identities be represented properly for once. You’re refusing to do the work that should have come with using that background. You are stealing it.

If you want to show that you respect the ethnicities from which your characters come, then make efforts to represent who they really are, not just the portions of their habits that you find interesting enough to parade around.

And I will be brutally honest here. If you can replace a minority character's ethnicity in your head while reading the story and everything remains the same, then I have to say the author has failed. Of course, this will only be assessed when the story’s over, because character developments happen. But they do have to happen.

4. Keep reading works made by people from those backgrounds (and support them if you can)

I don’t think I need to elaborate too much on that. Most of the time, it’s a great way to see the relevant issues the writer themself faces daily within their community, and reading their works might provide you some understanding. And yes, my work does reflect mine to some extent.

Some more points to consider:

Avoid tokenizing your characters.  

Don’t expect praise for the diversity you’ll be including, no matter how detailed they will be.

There are simply some cultures you absolutely cannot touch -- those wherein research and even getting help from others would not be enough. When that happens, back off respectfully. I have an Agta background (some call it Aeta) and I am seriously scared of seeing our heritage in a white author’s work, because there’s too many misconceptions even in actual published books to the point that it’s improbable to represent it well unless you have someone who directly comes from that ethnicity.

Research more into cultural appropriation and fetishization, then learn how to avoid them.

Consider your character’s interactions with those who are not part of the minority. There are huge stereotypes here that might be difficult for some to avoid.

If you have to, you can use tropes and stereotypes for the sole purpose of deconstructing them. But I do not advise you to do this unless you have a good grasp of the implications behind them. I use this with some of the ROs in Hollowed Minds, and I can attest that you have to be very careful.

Be mindful of the privilege and prejudices you have as you write.

There is no one perfect way of representing minorities, and characters should also be portrayed as individuals.

Things you might want to avoid when writing BIPOC unless you are one:

Racism

Slavery/Human trafficking 

Colonization

Excessive violence towards that particular group

Segregation systems

Tragedy exploitation in general

I hope this helps a little. I can share some insights as to how I prepared creating my characters in Hollowed Minds, especially with Alonzo and Jade, but you would have to ask more specific questions. I’ve spent a lot of time on figuring out their identities, and there’s so much I want to share that I can’t include here (the post is long enough).

For some parting words, let me just say this. Be prepared to do a lot of revisions. There will be inaccuracies in your writing, and there will be mistakes. No one expects you as an author to be 100% accurate on your first attempt, but do your part, learn to accept valid criticism, and your readers will be a lot more forgiving. After all, while you have the right to include what you want to write, it would be wise to remember some of these have responsibilities attached. Good luck on your writing!

[bethany-vs-the-blank-page]

In a day and age where it’s easier to be rude than to be polite online, I just wanted to take a minute to talk about constructive versus destructive criticism for writing.

I will be discussing this in the scope of hobbyist writers; particular writers who receive comments ( especially fan fiction writers). This is because both the writer and the reader are not usually professionals in their respective areas and as such, writers may not know how to interpret a criticism and readers may not know how to effectively communicate their criticism.

As a disclaimer, I myself am not a professional writer or editor. I just think this is something that needs to be talked about more. Please feel free to add to the conversation with your own thoughts, opinions, or (constructive) criticisms.

To begin, let’s define three things: criticism, constructive criticism, and destructive criticism. Criticism is the act of passing judgement. It’s when someone gives their feedback on something. While criticism is not inherently a bad thing, it is important to distinguish between different kinds of criticism. Constructive criticism is criticism that is framed in a way that encourages a creator to keep creating by constructively giving ways that their technique can be improved. It is feedback that is given in a positive manner and is helpful. Destructive criticism is criticism that is framed in a way that discourages a creator to keep creating by excessively and unfairly pointing out flaws in a creation. It is feedback that is unrelentingly negative.

In hobbyist writing, there are often places that authors can improve, and readers often root for them to improve as well. Most of the time, readers and commenters want to be positive and helpful, although there are unfortunately a select few who go out of their way solely to be rude. However, sometimes comments that are meant to be constructive criticism can appear to a writer as destructive criticism, thus discouraging a writer when a reader did not intend to.

So what’s getting lost in translation? I personally think that the biggest factor in this is the absence of tone. When we’re speaking aloud, additional visual and audio clues help us understand how someone is speaking to us. For example, the phrase “You’re here?!” could be seen as someone getting a pleasant surprise if they smile and look up, or it could be seen as an unpleasant one if the person scrunches their brows, makes a face, and lowers their voice. Those cues, however cannot be translated onto paper. An example more closely related to writing could be the following comment: “you wrote this???” Without those extra cues, it is difficult to determine from an author’s standpoint whether this commenter means this in a “Wow! That’s awesome that you did!” kind of way or a “This is so bad I can’t believe you had the guts to attach your name to it” way. It’s entirely possible that an author can misunderstand the intended tone of a comment, thereby turning what was meant to be a compliment into a complaint in their mind. Using punctuation can help ensure that the sentence retains it’s original meaning, but it is not a guarantee.

Secondly, I believe that the line where constructive criticism turns in destructive criticism is much blurrier than one would like to imagine. While the line should seem clear cut, remember that what a commenter might think is a positive framework could be seen by the author as a negative framework. Here’s an example:

“I thought the story was good, but X should have definitely not done that and the romance feels kind of forced. Also those sentences sure be running lol.”

Read it again from a commenter’s perspective. Hey, they led with the statement that the story was pretty good right? Then they gave their feedback and even made a little joke about some bad grammar, because grammar is hard and everyone makes mistakes. That’s doesn’t seem so bad.

But read it again from an author’s perspective. Sure, the reader said they liked it, but now that part feels forced, as if they were only saying that to be polite, and the joke seems much more mean. The reader might have meant well, but now it comes off as a little discouraging, doesn’t it?

Here are some things that I’ve noticed that can turn a well-intentioned criticism into a destructive one. First is that commenters either gave a vague example of something they liked, or they don’t list anything positive about the story at all. No matter how bad you think a story is written or executed, you need to be able to name one specific good thing about it if you want to give criticism. Don’t just say “The story was good…” Say something specific. Additionally, be specific about what needs to be improved. It’s much less overwhelming to hear that only one small thing needs fixing rather than the whole piece. Second, be careful about phrasing something like “X was good, but…” That’s not to say don’t use “but”; just be mindful about how it’s being used. It can make the first good thing seem like it’s just there for courtesy, and not something that was genuinely good about the writing. One good way to do this would be to ask questions, especially if it’s about a plot hole. Just remember to phrase any questions in a positive manner as well. Third, don’t make too many criticisms, or if you feel like it’s necessary, make sure to add more things that you liked. My suggested ratio would be at least one positive thing for every 2-3 criticisms, and I would suggest dispersing them throughout a comment so that a list of criticisms doesn’t come off as a rant. And finally, make sure to clarify your intentions. This comes in with the absence of tone that was discussed earlier. A comment should be framed in a way so that it is clear that the reader is genuine about trying to help the author find ways to improve and that they have earnest for the writing. It helps to start with something positive, give the areas of improvement, and also end with something positive.

Here’s how I might rewrite than comment to ensure it is interpreted as constructive and not destructive criticism:

“I really thought this chapter was great!!! The buildup and suspense was amazing and I LOVED that plot twist! That being said, it felt a little strange that X did that, given what we’ve seen about their character. Maybe they have a secret? And I’m interested to see how this romance will develop since it doesn’t quite feel all that natural. X and Y just haven’t interacted that much, y’know? Also, I just wanted to say that there’s a sentence in the middle that just feels a little wordy. Anyway, I loved this so so much, please keep the story going!”

Seems a lot more encouraging now, eh?

In conclusion, if there’s one thing I want any readers to take away from this, it’s that the difference between constructive and destructive criticism can be a matter of perspective. If you were the author, would that comment make you excited to continue practice writing and get better, or would it make you want to put down your pencil and quit? Remember that both reader and writers are human, and extend some grace in writing comments and interpreting comments.

That’s all, folks. Happy reading, writing, and commenting!

[lesbiansforboromir]

Hello! I am here today to post an agonisingly long HC about Gondorian-Dunadain/Faithful held beliefs and philosophies on sex and marriage. As per Tolkienian necessity when trying to apply to canon, this is going to be incredibly catholic, homophobic, racist and sexist BUT we’re also subverting it later so... keep hanging on!

Firstly, to define the generally accepted in-world scholastic origin for a lot of these beliefs, some of which are metaphysically ‘true’ for the in-universe offered mechanics of souls. I will be initially stealing a few concepts from an ancient magnum opus fanfic called Hands of the King, namely that   Silmariën (daughter of Tar-Palantir in Numenor, ancestress to Elendil and essentially the mother of the Faithful Dunadain) had a massive and foundational impact on the culture of the Faithful. The Silmariën Discourses are a well reproduced and distributed collatation of all her writings on all aspects of living a ‘Faithful life’ that she wrote throughout her life. And whilst they touch on many diverse topics, sex and marriage is one of them. 

Of course, these ideas were heavily influenced by Numenorean understanding of elven traditions, hence LaCE is also an in-universe document in a manner of speaking, written by even earlier Numenorean scholars during the periods of great friendship between elves and Numenor. 

And then, whilst the Silmariën discourses serve as the basis for these customs in Gondor and Arnor and are still quite a common sight within Gondorian libraries and upperclass bookshelves, even taught in schools to a certain degree, other sages and scholars in both Arnor and Gondor have added too or debated their details for generations since then. Hence amongst the Southern and Northern Dunadain you will find differences of custom and perspective. 

And finally, whilst this is technically the attitude of the ‘dominant’ culture in Gondor, it is at the same time technically a culture belonging to an ethnic minority. Even if it is the widespread and reinforced perspective, taught to every citizen within Gondor, it is in no way the only perspective and opinions upon it are complex and diverse throughout the many people groups that make up the country itself. With all that in mind, here is the basic framework of the traditonal viewpoint;

- Obviously, the first major point; sex is for marriage and procreation alone. It is a joy, but only when it is shared between you and your 'one', your partner in body and soul. Otherwise it is a corruption and a symptom of your tragic fall from grace. - In Elves this concept is spiritually enforced, the Faithful (and elves themselves) believe that elves cannot have sex outside of marriage for sex to them is a matter of bonding souls in and of itself and to share that intimacy with anyone who wasn’t your bonded partner would cause harm to you. This is because elves interact with the world using their souls, their bodies are more like vessels, it is their souls that bind them to the world. - However, because humans are connected to the world by their bodies and when they die they leave the circles of Arda never to return, they have been allowed the clemency and mercy of a less restrictive and more fluid matter of choice. It is a grievous hurt to be separated from your soul’s partner, so the atani are allowed ‘lesser’ bonds of love and companionship as they pass through the world. - But this clemency has a downside, it allows room for corruption. This corruption appears in many forms, such as polygamy, queer attraction, promiscuity, marriage for anything but love and sexual violence, but each of them are all to be deeply pitied as signs of a weak and feeble mind and heart that has succumbed to the evil influences of Arda-marred. Such people can resist their corruptions, but they should not be allowed to influence others. - As Silmarien explains it; "If Men are made to be visitors of short passage, then it is right that they shall be loath to bind themselves to someone else and be sundered from that beloved; two wills are deprived of their choice and much grief must follow. Men could give their forms in marriage, yet withhold their full will, something the Elves simply could not do. While this might lessen their grief at the inevitable passing of their mate, it also left open the door for corruption by the Enemy, for Men were tempted very easily into bestial ways, abusing this grace by sharing their bodies promiscuously." - It is generally accepted amongst the Dunadain that, if you are 'a man of high race’, you are more protected against this corruption than those of less blessed lineages. And the truer the blood of Numenor runs in you, the more you are expected to lead a ‘blessed’ life and wed your heart’s true partner. But you are not exempt! Through life or evil thoughts, one might still become corrupted and be inspired to baser deeds and corrupted lifestyles, making you alike to the heretics of old Numenor. - But the Atani should not despair, for (uncorrupted) men are still capable of the same depths of devotion in marriage as elves. Those of high race can indeed experience similar aspects of soul-bonding, ‘willing’ their souls together and knowing that person on a more intimate and spiritual level, sensing their presence and so forth. And this is believed to be the ‘true nature’ of men. - And in combination with that, as a combat to this problem of corruption, marriage as a ceremony allows a more physical solution to the issue of men’s wills and partners, both as a public declaration of that will, as well as an aid to those averagely-corrupted men. Marriage creates an environment that will, hopefully, lead men towards their natural ‘willing’ and a blessed life. 

There is some division over one passage within Silmarien’s discourses;

"While Men may not be compelled to will their marriage in the manner of the Eldar, holding forever steadfast to a single choice, still they are capable of it and it is their proper nature. In marital congress are their wills given unity with their forms. It is known among the Dúnedain for some to will thusly from the start or all at once, and those who do are changed and never repent of their choice. Most who will, however, come slowly to this state; their willing is weaker and may sometimes be broken or relinquished. Even so, most Dúnedain will know this joy. To be pitied are those who, like lesser Men, cannot or will not fulfill their natures. They are corrupt."

In Gondor, in the later third age, it is no longer socially acceptable to speak the opinion that ‘lesser men’ are incapable of the same depth of love as the Dunadain. This does not mean none hold that opinion, only that society has enough middle men within it, even in the higher classes, that they have pushed social graces toward a less derogatory view. Though it still often influences the Southern Dunadain philosophy. 

However, within the northern dunadain, it is still a fully accepted wisdom and partly accounts for both their isolationism and the lack of Dunadain marrying into wider families in Eriador. Cautionary tales from Northern Dunadain to their sons and daughters run thus; it is tragic but you must not fall for the illusion of love in the eyes of these middle men, their devotion cannot be true, you are destined for a higher love.  

SO! That’s all the bigotry out of the way, now for my headcanoned ‘true’ mechanics of all this that I am holding as canon for my character and world interpretations on this blog. These hcs both semi-apply to the ideas of ‘fea’ as they are set out, but also allow gay people to exist and for elves to be able to sleep with who they want without canonically being a sickness of the soul or whatever. 

So, yes, Elves have souls that are more seperate from their bodies. They are immortal, as in they live so long it might as well be classed as forever within the confines of Aman. And their body is not what keeps them there, it is just the way they move around the world and interact with it physically. Whereas mortals,  (putting a pin in dwarves for the moment) such as humans and hobbits are bound to Arda by their bodies alone and when their bodies are killed so is their connection to this world and they leave to ‘somewhere else’. Unspecified. As such, elves and their bondmates will not suffer the sorrow of parting forever, whereas humans might. Hence, elven souls ‘bond’ during sex, whereas humans must ‘will’ for it to occur.

Which, in terms of morality, are all neutral facts until you include the machinations of the Valar and Eru and what they WANT it all to mean. I am galvanised by the idea that, whilst some technical aspects of these things are true, the actual meaning of them have been distorted, first by colonialist elves, who then encouraged colonialist humans, and whom were all inspired by Valar unwilling to believe themselves wrong in any way despite the fact that Morgoth also distorted their understanding of the world they had sung of to begin with. And meanwhile Eru does not care about any of it, he only cares if his 'right to the throne of the world’ is being challenged. 

The concept I am running with is the idea that the true ultimate 'divine' aspect of the world comes from the Secret Fire, which Eru used to kindle life yes, but which is in fact a distinct entity from him, unknowable even to him. And in kindling life, it naturally diversified into it’s own aspects of life in completely neutral ways that were meant to coexist and collaborate to produce a harmonious world for the benefit of all. But, upon being placed into a world still ruled by Valar (whom are canonically flawed in actions, motives and understanding whilst also possessing great power) that world and the new life within it was subject to their influences and persuaded by their held beliefs of the ‘right’ way of life, that some of the diverse aspects the secret fire took that they did not understand were ‘corruptions’. Hence the elven faithful belief system was born.

Which, (completely and utterly whoops by accident and unbiased happenstance on my part) creates the situation where Boromir and all of Gondor can say 'I don't care what is divinely ordained to be right as god claims it and I do not care if it is for some great plan I could never understand, I know it to be wrong in my heart' and they are fundamentally correct for saying that, because they (and all other creatures in arda) ARE the secret fire and are therefore actually more divine than Eru is in the end.

They can be handed all of these truths about souls and bonding and death and all the works of the Valar and Morgoth's corruption and so forth that all SEEM to support these Valar-originated concepts and the elves and Eru's divine supremacy and ownership over all creation etc and still say I don't care, I don't care if I'm divinely wrong. I'm humanely right and I would rather hold to that mundane choice than be holy in the eyes of a divinity that claims these things.

Hence some ‘heretical’ elves can nod and agree, yes, elves bond, souls become entangled. I have bonded many times, I have shared my soul with many, both in the elven way, the dwarven way and the human way. I unlearned what I was taught and listened to what my soul told me, that elves can create their own realities, we can decide what things mean to us, what a soulbond of love looks like. The fact that I am more soulfully made up of all the pieces of many people who loved me is a beautiful strength not a corrupted weakness.

And Boromir, whom had in essentials been agnostic to the whole thing as a young man and was then confronted by the strange evidence of him being ‘of high race’ in his natural ‘willing�� to Theodred. He eventually acknowledges, yes, I am experiencing some of these things people talk about, which makes it seem like what the Faithful preach is true, and therefore I am corrupted and my love for Theodred is a corruption, despite my ‘willing’ to him. But I have decided I don't care. This is the life I lead, this is the love I have. If it is not acceptable to God then he should have given me a different life and made me a different man.

And Denethor who spends his whole life trying to negotiate with divinity, he cares, he does, he wants to be faithful, he wants to be good! But faith keeps failing him, failing everyone and everything he cares about, he has been abandoned by God in the midst of a holy way FOR God, and yet so many of these seemingly innocuous things are wrong? And eventually he is angry and betrayed and says fine, I will be what you believe me to be, this thing you call a great sin is far kinder and far more just than anything divinity has ever asked of me.

And all of them are right! Because the Secret Fire is divine, in and of itself, and what it wills is what is right for it’s own existence. 

THERE again so sorry, this is even longer than I thought it would be.

[ohbo-ohno]

How do you write fanfiction without going ooc?

Personally I think you're the best cod writer, I'm considering writing some fan fiction but I'm scared the characters arent in character

"best cod writer"??? when i haven't posted in like a month?? oh babe we are getting MARRIED ilysm thank you <3

im actually like fucking terrible at giving advice (i am not a well spoken person lmao) but i can talk At you for a bit about this!!!

grasping a character's voice is actually like. deeply difficult, and it's maaaaybe the thing i struggle with most when writing (or at least one of the things lmao). especially bc literally every single writer has a different voice for every character, so you have to find what works best for your story and your style. your ghost shouldn't look/sound exactly like someone else's ghost, because he's yours, yk?

that also being said - things that are ooc to me aren't necessarily ooc to someone else. the ghost in my mind would never let you call him a cheesy pet name like "sisi", but that doesn't mean that someone else's ghost wouldn't, yk? and to them, they're in character! so you've kinda got to decide what you think being in character is, if that makes any sense

i read a looooot of fanfiction before i started writing my own cod stuff. i've only watched the full campaign once, but i've read what's probably dozens of fics lmao - my ghost and soap are an amalgamation of the things i enjoyed most in other people's fics. think about the things that you love the most in your favorite fics, and see if you can replicate that tone/vibe

i also think that getting a character's Voice is a lot more than just dialogue. i write in either second person or third person limited, but for the sake of this i'll talk a bit about third person limited

if i'm writing smth like i'll eat you whole, im technically writing from johnny's perspective, right? so i don't write his internal monologue in his accent, but i do use certain adjective he would - like instead of describing ghost as "broad" or "hulking", i said he's "a big motherfucker" bc that's how i think johnny would talk. this doesn't matter nearly as much with second person, but letting johnny's voice float into the internal monologue helps keep me in the right headspace for the fic. it's easier for me to maintain his voice if i never really let it go, yknow what i mean?

also i know this sounds sooo stupid but i think a big part of writing in character is literally just thinking "can i see them saying this? would a person like this do this?"

like. okay. ghost is a 6'4 special forces lieutenant who is willing to do literally anything if it means completing his mission. he's a big man with an even bigger reputation. can you see him begging for your forgiveness at the slightest argument? can you see him stuttering on a first date?

and soap is an incredibly accomplished sergeant who's set records in the military, he's a demolitions expert and a skilled sniper with a hell of a temper. can you see him giggling? can you see him crying when his girlfriend is mad at him?

sometimes making sure you're not writing ooc is as simple as "They Would Not Fucking Say That", and as unhelpful as it is, that's literally just based on vibes

is any of that coherent at all?? i genuinely don't know. hope i didn't make things worse! ily!

(also just as general writing advice - practice!!! don't post everything you write!! i cannot tell you how many things i've written will never see the light of day, but all my little failures in writing have given me a better grasp on the characters, yk? you have to do badly and recognize what's bad before you can be super happy with your writing. write something and then focus on exactly what feels off to you, and change only that. idk. maybe im spouting bullshit)

[winderlylandchime]

I was watching 1x22 as one does when they want to feel all the feelings and it made me think about some stuff. And now I need second opinions because I am going a bit insane. I had this thought after watching Brian absolutely lose it which is: how would it go if Justin didn’t get bashed? I mean it’s no secret that they shared something beautiful on that dance floor and they both knew that and then in the garage as well. Even Brian knew that no matter how he’d deny it. So I keep thinking what would’ve season 2 looked like if the bashing didn’t happen, how would Britin be and more importantly what would Brian be like? Because obviously the bashing was a big reason why we got the s2 we did and that included Brian finally coming to somewhat terms that he loves Justin. But I can’t stop wondering what would’ve happened otherwise. And this message might’ve been triggered a little bit by the thought that Justin never remembered their dance :(

Hello dear sweet anon!

"watching 1x22 as one does when they want to feel all the feelings" Truthier words have never been typed.

I think this is a fantastic question and I think it truly should be a fic (THAT SOMEONE ELSE WRITES MY LIST OF IDEAS IS TOO LONG) because I cannot do it justice in a response here on tumblr dot com.

I will try, of course.

I think a few things are true:

Brian lost out on his dream to move to NYC and big the next big new thing to someone younger than he is. (Me in my 40s thinking about someone who has just turned 30 losing out on a role that benefits from having experience to someone even younger is rolling my eyes, but sure QAF, we'll believe it.) So he's stuck in Pittsburgh.

Michael, his best friend and doting admirer has gotten his own life and is moving across the country. Yes, his relationship with David was toxic AF but that's neither here nor there. This is also set in 2000 when staying in touch meant email that you checked maybe once a day and phone calls. Michael, for all the fandom feelings about him, sees Brian in one particular way, a way that has not changed since they were 18. Michael is not the only culprit of this (HELLO LINDSAY WHAT'S UP?) but he is the major one, the one that Brian cares about the most.

Justin, this kid who has wormed his way into Brian's life and who sees, really sees, Brian for who he is and challenges him and is his equal in many ways, wants him.

So Brian, probably against his better judgment goes to this kid's prom, dances him around the dance floor and kisses him in front of everyone. Then they have this moment in the garage (that pause and eye contact before they kiss happily lives rent free in my mind). And it means something. Mr. Brian "acts of service and physical touch" Kinney is communicating something very loudly and clearly here. And pre-disabled Justin sees it and understands it. And if we know anything about Justin, he will not let it go. Ever.

I think without the bashing, Justin would have continued to live at Debbie's. I think he would have gone to PIFA and Brian would have paid for his tuition when Craig Craig'd it all up. I think there would have been less push back about accepting Brian's help because that would be the only help Justin would have needed (instead of: overcoming PTSD, living together, giving him the computer, etc.). I think they would have slowly started to date in a more traditional sense. Nothing dramatic but meeting up for lunch if Justin didn't have afternoon classes, getting dinner together before meeting the guys at Woody's. Michael being in Portland AND the bashing not happening would have allowed this to slowly evolve.

Would Justin still need some assurance that he was different than the tricks? Maybe, but I think he would have felt more confident in himself without the bashing and its after effects.

Would they still have had miscommunication and broken up? I do think so. I think from a psychological and also story-telling perspective, you don't want the 17 year old kid to meet the love of his life and never experience anything different. You want some leaving each other and coming back together (am I still soothing my GOS2 broken heart? Yes, yes I am). I think Justin experiencing monogamy and deciding it's not for him (the way S3 SHOULD HAVE GONE) would have been a great storyline. I think even Michael returning (after some relationship between Brian and Justin has been established) and putting some doubt in the form of "but this isn't who you are" into Brian's mind would also be a great storyline. Some Justin pushing back against Michael and telling Brian "he wasn't there, I was, I know who you are and what you did and what it meant." Oh my god I would love to see that.

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to read this if someone wants to write it. Or many someones. More cake and all that. I don't see myself writing it because I love the bashing arc too much

[thornsent]

I really, earnestly want to learn more about Judaism to be honest.

I'm not sure if I could (or should?) convert, in no small part because of the tension I have with God, with religious institutions, and with law

... Not because I want to break laws or something like that, but I've always found it difficult to grapple with the idea of such a loving God punishing his people when it is he who made us this way, you know? But there are things which I read and learn that really do fill me with a sense of peace and reassurance and love, so it's Incredibly frustrating I suppose to love God and yet be so angry with God at the same time. You know?

It really is like... Having a fraught relationship with a parent, sometimes. I love you, you put me here, but I am so angry with you for all that you allowed to pass.

And I'm also nervous about delving further into learning or reading, because I'm worried about appropriation or accidentally being antisemitic and hurting someone, I would never ever want to do that :(

I've been going through an extensive Weird About God arc and it appears to not yet be over, and if it keeps coming to my mind like this I think I should listen and explore it.

I wish that less mainstream, or perhaps more esoteric, views and writings were more easily accessible, because when I talk about God I don't really mean some... Nebulous Guy In The Sky, I think it's bigger than that, some sort of force which permeates all of us, all of the living things around us, all of creation, some sort of force we cannot see but which connects all of us together and which is the root of all existence. I really strongly believe this!! I think they/it/he/whatever pronouns you want to use for God listens, and is present. And I am glad that I have finally pushed past my religious trauma enough to, in a way, recontextualize and forgive God, if that at all makes sense.

I don't feel lost persay, but I do feel like I'm meandering and want some sort of direction. I'd love to attend some kind of service, or meeting, but I am really nervous about doing so because my beliefs are far from mainstream and if anyone asked me anything I might clam up out of nervousness, and I'd hate to embarrass myself like that 😅 But I do so strongly crave that sense of community and oneness! Yet reading and practicing in solitude always feels so much safer-- I know this is both because of my history as a heavily closeted pagan in the buckle of the Bible belt, as well as trepidation with socializing in a religiously oriented setting; I'm nervous of being taken advantage of or manipulated again, like I was as a child. But I'm grown now, and I think I've got an alright head on my shoulders all things considered, I just worry and sometimes find it difficult to truly trust myself and my perspective on these things.

[mythvoiced]

-. here lián-core (pt.1) hyello~ i'm working on inbox (there aren't a lot bc my inbox is busted and some of them are for rainy days heartus i intend to keep, but... i forgot how to write KLDSGJDFLH) but because i needed to spawn on dash--

I CHANGED HIS FC I'M SORRY DFGKLDJHG but look: here and here, like, he looks problematic which is exactly what lián is supposed to look like

sensible chuckle king, you will never not catch this man laughing or chuckling when the person in front of him wants him to

will literally stare at someone getting beat up while walking past the scene, will not stop

i need him to be the kind of character people will go 'gosh you're such a bastard but damn it if you aren't enjoyable to watch fuck shit up'

get ready to be lied to~!

fucks. that's it, that's... how do i put it... uhm... uh... he... well... so... he kind of...

he's one of those creepy motherfuckers who smiles if you slap him across the face

i cannot stress enough how much he enjoys people losing their cool

he needs attention, do not give it to him

i mean it, if you give him attention too often he won't want it anymore from you and will abandon you, i'm not joking

it's an issue, he wants attention from those he considers somewhat interesting and especially from those he figures aren't likely to give him attention, but it needs to be difficult to obtain, if it's too easy? nah

has developed a nasty dislike for straight women (i am so sorry)

if you sniff out astarion vibes you would not be too wrong (i just realized there are some, like, right after writing that last line)

no, haha, don't sacrifice yourself for me because you think i'm a sensitive and defenseless beauty haha it's gonna reveal to everyone how righteous you are but also that i'm a villain who's been manipulating you all along haha

he eats goody-two-shoes for breakfast and spits them out at lunch

in a world in which queer marriage was as granted as early as straight marriage, lián would get entire tv specials detailing how he'd black widowed 6 husbands before he got caught

if you punch him in the face and his nose starts bleeding he'll be so delighted

he's not a masochist, mind you, he just thinks provoking people is fun and if you hit him he's usually just right about whatever he's accusing you of (in his head, at least)

suddenly so very interested in toxicology haha (nobody tell his father)

it was very fricking obvious that there was foul play in his mother's death, she died of suffocation after all but hey! whatever~

bonus-core for liú shùn (劉順) a lil scholar kind of guy i wanted to make

all i have in mind for him is this visual of him standing somewhere in brown robes (or dark blue ones more likely i think) while holding a bunch of books and listening in to someone of a higher rank than himself say stupid things and he's just staring at this person and even though there's not a shift to his features you can tell he thinks whoever he's listening to is full of shit

very duty-bound, so to speak, honestly, he hangs onto that 'nope sorry gotta do my job' shit with white knuckles and a clenched jaw, okay, it's all he has!!!!!!!!!

to put it in some pop culture tropes perspective, he's the strict intellectual kind of character, yknow, the one someone else would want to try and get out of their shell except that he's actually respected for staying inside his shell (for now)

but fuck lián would fucking hate him, they're the same brand of useful except that lián has advantage on all charisma based rolls and shùn has advantage on all intelligence based rolls, they might be mortal enemies, actually

his family was likely well-off for a while, but then something happened!! and while they didn't fall into disgrace exactly they don't hold the same social status they used to have, it's probably a relatively minor shift considering they're still more privileged than others, but they bemoan it anyway

i'm thinking this guy could do it

will reject advances SO FAST!!! 'uhmmm??? no, sorry????? thank you, also your clothes are wrinkled, bye'

like he's got that rom-com potential of being held hostage by some villain more powerful than him but he hates how that some villain is running shit in their own abode so he just Fixes the entire household staff and the empire real quick

villain voice: STOP finding the errors in my tax returns i WANT them to be false!!!!!!

[abovethissilentworld]

Autumn, 2010 Memory is often filled with the alluring filter of nostalgia that inks the experiences of day to day life from a quill dripping with pleasure. Even worse, this ink is difficult to remove. Memory is a fascinating creature that shapes itself around the craving of self-identity, so those unassuming, industrial days spent inside forced social institutions begin to emit the scent of roses and lavender by complete accident. There was never an autumn more poignant than the autumn of 2010. Tennis in gym class took place at these courts surrounded by the exclusively yellow leaves from shedding birches being sprayed in troves. That was around the time women became increasingly alluring and, yet, paradoxically intangible. The experience of those nascent hormones was as intoxicating as it was confusing, and just as I write this some thirteen years later, I feel exactly as trapped now as I did then. It’s that overlap between the glorious floral decay and blossoming expressions of youth overlapping at the exact same moment. I swear, every day I walked to school, I thirsted for the brisk frost and the still air awash with the scents of oak and maple. I was choked with the desire to love and its conflation with lust in my mind, and I found immediate romantic and sexual tangibility with most any woman who vaguely entered my midst whether I desired it or not. I felt like something important was about to happen, but I couldn’t yet know what it was. Music sounded richer, laughter held a tighter grip around my mind, and self-awareness suffered at their expense. It was a time for pure expression, the results of which were more often awkward and repellant than beautiful or inspirational.

I used to carry this staunch, fervent belief as a kid that the right woman for me would find me, that my capabilities in the world of dating were rendered completely inconsequential by my preconfiguration and that I would, indeed, find love eventually regardless of this. Yet, every day was an expectation that this could happen at any moment. It was clear that my obsession with my own desperation began this fateful autumn, well over a decade ago. It was neither entitlement nor escapism, it was the pure desire to experience myself outside of myself and through someone else instead. I sought the conclusion to the entire romantic process that I couldn’t participate in anyways, and in doing so, constructed a social and romantic identity that existed exclusively in my imagination.

I ruminate on this in search of the person I was then. This is not because I was any closer to my own pure self-identity then as opposed to now, but instead because I hold a desire to preserve the dissipating attachments to my own experiences as I age. I want to believe I was that same person through my memories, I want to feel that same suffering as an aspect of my own history. There’s only so much that can be held onto, though, without incurring a sombre backwards-evolution on one’s own emotional and psychological structures. I can’t let myself die. I look to my own memories of myself to keep myself alive.

Perhaps, then, I am equal parts a 14 year old, 6 year old and 27 year old, and every other age in-between, simultaneously. But I cannot think, see or feel anything now with the certainty that I used to be able to feel everything. That autumn in 2010 was a crucial point in my own self-understanding, where the limitlessness of heart-stricken desire turned into a pervasive war between beauty and hedonism, annihilating one to reach the other and vice versa.

But for all I write on this topic, I also realize I’m out of writing on this topic. I’m saddened by this absence of experiential perspective – perhaps adapting my mind to the mind of my teenage self is too exhausting and fundamentally limited in terms of complexity. Maybe I’m still that same kid, the kid who can’t outthink himself and simply waits for the world around him to catch up. Maybe I’m still those leaves, those hormones, those fleeting memories, those sugary lunches of nothing.

Maybe I’m not me at all. Maybe I miss being surrounded by people, by knowing and experiencing all that I liked and didn’t like, having a tangibility to a human existence otherwise alienated by my own self-perception. I should never have been this lonely, but I never knew how to integrate myself either. I’m lost in two worlds that I cannot exist in, and I miss those times when I didn’t actively have to chose between two parallel sufferings. The universality of love is undeniable unless you’re truly alone. At that point, the universality of the self risks gaining precedence, and after enough time, it becomes a logical inevitability.

The conquest of pure morality without love is a dark road to follow. Those who embark down this path do not follow it by choice.

If I’m the one forced to do it, then I’ll do it by force.

If I keep my journey to myself, it’ll ensure that no one else needs to know this route even exists.

If I keep my suffering to myself, I’ll save everyone from experiencing the pain of knowing such pain even exists.

If I ever love again, I probably won’t know what to do, but at least I’ll have at least some idea of how it’ll turn out.

More reflections on the Autumn of 2010, 9th Grade at WCS in Calgary, AB, aged 14 - contrasted with the perpetually elongating and dilating loneliness of myself at twice the age.

[journalbyjordan]

On Building a New Frame Of Reference

“My uncle would tell me ‘The sh-t in the movies could only be magic’. This year I did 43 shows, and took it all home to buy him a casket.”

— ‘Savior Interlude’, Baby Keem & Kendrick Lamar

These lines have stuck out to me for months because of their poignance, and I in fact became teary eyed listening to them over as it dawned on me that life really is all about your frame of reference.

Keem’s uncle saying “must be magic” would’ve signalled to me a sense of still having some reserved hope that it could be something else, or even possible. but the phrasing of “could only be magic” signals to me that he’s completely resigned — he cannot see a possibility where what happens in movies could ever actually occur. Making it worse is that this is in response to a movie, which yes being an art form, it could be argued is supposed to mirror or imitate life but movies are also a device for freedom of the imagination, and even in his most expansive dreams he couldn’t see what happens in the movies to be more than fantasy. All because he had never seen that ‘magic’ on his own life or experiences.

I think about how Keem himself would’ve turned out had he adopted the same or a similar frame of mind and perspective. Had he not been able to dream beyond his circumstances and his immediate world, he wouldn’t be on tour or left the country or likely left his home state or neighbourhood. I realise this is likely the point of the line itself but his uncle dying with that perspective is heart-wrenching because he died still under the impression that better was not possible, and any depiction of it must be an illusion. He was sure of this.

***

I came across the term ‘realistic fantasy’ a few days ago in a comment where a user said every year he tries to do 2-3 things he’s always wanted to do. After taking some time to write out my own list of those things, I started to see myself very differently in terms of what I truly do value and had to ask myself why were these fantasies to me? What is telling me that these experiences are inaccessible or unlikely, or even unattainable to me or for me? Why do I feel like slow dancing in a jazz bar is such an outlandish thing that could only take place in my wildest dreams? There’s no shortage of jazz bars, especially in London, and granted there’s also a large emotional connection component to these dreams, but why are intimacy and being cherished things of fantasy to me? Of course these things are foreign to me, and to link back to Keem’s uncle, frame of reference means that the foreign, unfamiliar and unexplored is rejected, instantly becoming a thing of mythology. Your frame of reference dictates the purview of this foreign thing and dictates what you even allow in.

All of this made me wonder how I can list nearly 40 of my own ‘realistic fantasies’ and have things like ‘Host a small dinner party with my close friend group’ and yet in the present and in practice, I subconsciously keep my friends at a distance by not replying or replying late, which is a form of self rejection. I clearly recognise that in my wildest dreams I have very deep, loving and fulfilling friendships but don’t actively recognise that in my day to day. I’ll often pop back up after a long while, and my friends will be extremely excited to hear from me, but what is better understood is a friend leaving because of my inconsistency; that I can process and see as ‘real’ somehow, likely because it is what is familiar to me; i.e. my frame of reference. It’s something I know how to identify: being given up on is familiar and it happening once more just reaffirms the belief that I am indeed someone who is given up on. Yet, again, in my own realistic fantasies I don’t want that to be my reality at all, despite me acting in direct contradiction to that in my actual, present day life.

***

One thing I’ve learnt, and continue to be reminded of, is that cognitively and theoretically understanding something is not at all the same as believing or intrinsically understanding something. So although I can piece this all together and it sounds pretty, I believe the most important part or takeaway is to build a new frame of reference for myself. I remember teaching a friend a few years older than me how to ride a bike a few years ago, and that friend later also coming out to me over the phone. We had a really great friendship that kind of faded out as time went on, which I eventually just accepted likely because it didn’t seem to out of the ordinary at the time. I think it’s easy to get so lost in your ‘normal’ that you begin to automatically apply a confirmation bias to yourself without trying. Until you look up one day and realise the whole time you’ve been running from, and rejecting, exactly what you’ve been chasing all along, which is related but a whole other thing to go into. Regardless, the moral: better is always possible.

***

Dedicated to A.J.;

Thank you for showing me that better is always possible.

[shai-manahan]

Hello!

I am a person who is writing his own Interactive Fiction game. I currently have about 50k words written for it and will probably be making a forum thread soon. But I really need some advice from you as your game is one of my favourite.

The thing I am struggling with is my plot seems a bit bland to me and I just don't know what to do about it. Like I at the start only decided my game is going to be very reactive to choices and I have loads of meaningful choices and lots of variables remembering lots of things. But when I read through what I have written so far it feels a bit meh. Like your game is soooo intriguing as a reade. So my question was how do I make the plot more intriguing?? Sorry for the long ass post

I'm probably not the best person to ask about this; I go through cycles of self-doubt at least a few times a month 😞

But I'll do my best to help!

First of all, 50k words for an initial demo is impressive! HM had around 28k words when I first uploaded a public demo (which was just the first version of the prologue), so you're doing very well!

I think it would help tremendously for you to sit down and figure out what themes you wish to put focus on. It doesn't mean that you can't tackle a few others as you write, but it's always good to set goals like this to maintain consistency and make their presence strong in the story. It doesn't have to be something "grand"; it just needs to be clear in your head.

It's cool to aim for your choices to be meaningful, but watch out for scope creep. Not that I can talk; I have way too many variables tracking the MC's actions/dialogue choices as well as routes that not many will ever know about. And they can be fun! Just remember that fun doesn't always remove the stress attached to those boosts of excitement. I'd say try to focus on choices/variables you're sure you can deal with, particularly those that can enhance the quality of your plot, and you can decide to add more once you're certain you can handle them.

I have no way of knowing you're not already doing this, but well-developed characters help the impact of the plot grow stronger. Their fears, motivations, what they need to see vs what they have currently. Humans are complex beings, and for me, it's always interesting to try and explore that complexity. I love exploring it.

Try to talk to a friend about what you have at the moment! It helps to have some who'd never mince their words and are willing to give honest feedback while being helpful at the same time. In a way, it can be encouraging to know you have someone to depend to, and I hope you can find them if you haven't met such a person yet.

It's a first draft!! This is something I also keep telling myself, though it doesn't necessarily help me clear out all doubts all the time. But you should at least be aware of it. This is the first time I'm creating an IF, but I did a lot of film screenplays before, and my first drafts always sucked. It's why rewrites are not a foreign concept to me, and why I know HM might go through a lot of changes before I settle on its final version. But I do think both readers and writers should be aware of the fact that first drafts aren't supposed to be perfect; and WIPs, no matter how long they are, shouldn't be expected to have no flaws at all.

I cannot stress this out more, but taking walks outside or even doing the most mundane of errands can help to clear your mind! Try to take some rest; it might even give you some perspectives you haven't thought of before :))

I think that's all I can give for now, and I hope you're having a great time writing so far! I do want to remind you that you'll have to find methods that personally work for you as well, whether you're a plotter, a pantser, or something in between. It's why I haven't been too specific with the things I said; it's best for you to try and see what actually works for you as a writer. Best of luck <3