#also no one told me what the theme was until after the opening song

[little-pondhead]

For this year’s Christmas concert at the local high-school theater, the theme this year is “Christmas in the West.” I die a little inside every time thinking about it, but it is leaps and bounds better than last year’s theme: “Red, White, and Blue Christmas”

[ghostlykeyes]

Hooray! Requests are open! And I rush like the wind into your abode with my idea! How about this idea? Heartsteel!Kayn x Gothic singer!Reader? Reader is the leader of the Gothic rock band the band. In their video, as well as in the songs themselves, there is a lot of gloom, mystery, and also a lot of creepy themes. There are a lot of cemeteries, abandoned buildings, etc. And in the main life Reader likes to visit cemeteries and abandoned buildings (just like me. Because there you can relax from the hustle and bustle of the city. Peace and quiet). In the clips, Reader often acts as a vampire. I would like to know the dynamics in their relationship) Thank you very much!)

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GIF by thedemonlady

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HEARTSTEEL KAYN: GOTHIC/SINGER PARTNER HEADCANONS ♡ Gender Neutral ♡ Light to mid-NSFW sprinkled throughout... couldn't help myself (but I KNOW none of you bonk-deserving DEGENERATES mind much 0-0 ) ♡ TW: Slight Sexual Content ♡Keyes write less than one thousand words about Kayn challenge (GONE WRONG) (GONE SEXUAL) (TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE)

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KAYN

Yone's the one who "introduced" you to Kayn, in a way. After seeing one of your music videos, Yone had a feeling Kayn might like your style and sent him a link. What Yone didn't foresee was Kayn becoming instantly fucking obsessed with you. But how was he supposed to resist? You, with your blood red lips and your black lace everything and your haunting, creepy voice...how could Kayn be anything but instantly, painfully in love?

Since your group was much smaller than Heartsteel, it wasn't hard for Kayn to get you to notice him. Sure, maybe the guys teased him for DM'ing you around the clock and turning up at all your shows like a damn groupie until you told him he could take you out sometime...but he's the one who bagged the goth hottie in the end, so who's the real winner?

Kayn keeps a mini silver bat keychain clipped to his bag, a constant reminder of you. Even though your aesthetic is gloomy and, frankly, a little ominous, he still says that your little bat is his good luck charm.

Of course Kayn knows that you scream in your songs—he listens to them religiously, after all—but the first time he heard it in person? Holy shit, he got chills. He knows he shouldn't interrupt your band practice. It was already nice enough of you to let him sit in and listen. But he can't. fucking. help it. "That was the hottest shit I've heard in my life," he tells you after you finish the song. "You're so fucking cool." When the band takes a five-minute break halfway through rehearsal, Kayn tugs you into the nearest bathroom and shows you just how sexy he finds you. Needless to say, you get a bit more screaming practice than you bargained for...

Typically, Kayn prefers the stage to the crowd, but even he can admit that being in the audience at your shows is a really fucking good time. The low, moody lighting, the smoke machines belting fog across the stage, groups of your fans proudly sporting plastic fans and screaming the haunting lyrics to your songs? The atmosphere is fucking impeccable. Plus, in a crowd like this, he can easily get away with going full Rhaast. (He's even started a mosh pit or two...or more. Probably best not to keep track.)

Kayn's favorite part of your vampire-ensemble? A pair of silver tooth caps, shaped like fangs (naturally). When he steals you away from rehearsals or pulls you into a dark backstage corner after a show, Kayn's quickly licking his way into your mouth, tongue dancing along the edge of the metal. "Bite me," he often growls into the edge of your ear as you're kissing down his neck. At first you thought he was kidding, so you'd always give him a light nip and then find your way back to his hungry mouth. But, one time, he smacked your ass as you were working the soft flesh of his neck and you, surprised, really bit down—hard. The way Kayn squirmed into you, panting and whining as a dark bruise started blossoming to the surface of his neck, told you that's definitely what he'd been wanting all along.

Since Kayn's been in the industry for a long time, he's a lot more used to dealing with paparazzi than you are. Whenever you come to him for advice on dealing with the cameras and harassment, he scoffs, instantly annoyed. "Oh, those fucking assholes? If you get in their faces enough, they'll back off." Don't worry, though, he'll do the 'getting in their faces' part for you. If you're out with Kayn and the two of you start getting mobbed, he's not afraid to elbow a reporter or two, or break a few camera lenses. Your management is pissed by the bad press, of course, but it's done wonders for your privacy.

Kayn's favorite pet-name for you is his 'baby bat'. He often calls you that after you do something cute. "Ugh, my baby bat," he says, squishing your cheeks with his hand and planting a kiss on your puckered, smushed-together lips. "So fucking adorable."

Your music taste has earned you the great honor of sharing a Spotify account with Kayn. You're the only person he'd ever even consider allowing to add songs to his playlists, or influence what music the algorithm spits through the radio while he's driving. Just don't steal the account while he's listening (he gets pouty).

Whenever the two of you are hanging out Kayn tries to snag your notebook, flipping through for a glimpse at your newest song concepts or music video ideas. He can't help being curious! You're one of his favorite artists (the fact that you kiss him a lot helps with that), so he's always eager for a sneak peek at your next creative endeavor. Your brain fascinates him, and he can't wait to see what ominous project you put out next.

Anytime you've got a photoshoot, count on Kayn to show up. He loves to see you in full vampire-mode, looking flawless in you Tim-Burton-esque makeup and your platform boots. He's got an eye for edgy photography and iconography, too, so he's a great person to draw inspiration from (even if he tends to annoy the photographers—he's not afraid to tell them if their photos are shitty). Some of his best photo ideas? A boudoir-esque shoot centered around a velvet-lined coffin, a Halloween photo-set with charmingly-poorly-carved jack o' lanterns (carving credits to Heartsteel), a birthday party in a graveyard. Not all of his ideas are so extravagant, of course, and some of his best are the most simple. He's taken a simple shot of his neon eye that you loved so much, you made it the cover art for one of your singles.

Kayn has you saved in his phone under a black heart and a bat emoji.

While the graveyard might be a little too quiet and still for his tastes, Kayn's glad to accompany you on trips to abandoned buildings. He's committed arson in explored his fair share of old warehouses and factories, so he knows what to expect when the two of you break into an abandoned building on a date. He's got a full toolkit—flashlights, a crowbar, lockpicks. Whenever you've got to smash a window or crack a lock to move forward, Kayn eagerly volunteers to clear the way. "You know, since I'm a gentleman," he smiles, sweeter than sugar as he kicks down a door. (You have to physically restrain yourself from rolling your eyes at that.) The two of you spend hours wandering through old buildings on your days off, brushing through years of old, quiet dust. When it's time to leave, Kayn breaks a bottle of spray paint out of his bag. He always tags the building before you clear out, one little symbol for each of you; his Rhaast-grinned Heartsteel icon, and a bat next to it.

[five-bi-five-mind]

Maya and reader were together for 2 and a half years before Maya lost her job as captain of station 19, and reader broke up with her due to Maya's distance and behaviour toward the team and reader. reader than transfers to another firehouse, Maya goes through therapy and turns down the captain position and fights to get reader back.

I Wish I Was the Moon

Fandom: Station 19

Pairing: Maya Bishop x fem!reader

Words: 9.7k+

Genre: Angst, Hurt & Comfort, Smut

Summary: Maya hit rock bottom and along the way she lost the most important thing to her. It wasn't captain, she realized that quickly into her downward spiral. No, it was you. She had to do something to fix this, but she knew it started with herself. Would Maya be able to fix herself in time to win you back? Would you ever be willing to give her just one more chance?

Warnings: Alcohol mention; toxic relationship-ish depiction; mental health and therapy is a big theme; fingering (r!receiving); top!Maya, bottom!r; nipple play; marking.

A/N: Okay, this isn't exactly the same as the prompt so bear with me... but it's really close. Also did I put my own twist on an existing scene? Yes, yes I did. Also, the fic is named after the song with the same name that gave me inspiration. It's by Ewan J Phillips. Maybe listen while you read!

Maya was doing better. She really was. It was the first time she could say that in months, maybe even years. She was working on herself, she was putting in the effort. 

Therapy had a lot to do with this. From regular sessions came the ability to regulate her emotions when things felt too intense. It helped her process trauma, not just the trauma she experienced as an adult either, but childhood trauma too. It shocked her, how healing it could be to process everything. It was hard to really fully come to terms with all of it. Memories that she had hurt, but she didn’t have a word for why. Now it felt less painful since she finally understood herself and what had happened throughout her life. 

Of course, therapy itself was something she was originally reluctant to do. It was something she was too headstrong to think she needed it, until she finally tried. She didn’t try for her though. No, if she was being honest, what got her to first make an appointment and then— after three cancellations —to finally show up, was you. 

When you left, Maya told herself she didn’t need anyone, didn’t need you. That quickly became obvious to her that she was seriously lying to herself. You left because she pushed you away when she lost her position as captain. She became irritable when you asked for her to be more open. This irritability led to fights and fights led you to distance yourself from her eventually too. Then, after one night of fighting back and forth, you left to cool off. When you came back in, Maya rounded on you without skipping a beat. That was the last straw for you. 

Maya still winced at the thought of the words that left her mouth that night. Accusing you of cheating, that the space you were taking was just to fuck someone new. She had thrown in your face that you two weren’t fucking, so it only made logical sense that you were out finding someone else. Of course, the words Maya used were more colorful.

She could still see the hurt in your eyes when she said them. She still remembered the way you didn’t yell back, instead you just stood utterly silent. The next thing she knew, you were packing up your things and officially moved out of her apartment. 

The weeks to come, Maya didn’t run after you. She didn’t try to call or talk or anything. Maya had foolishly convinced herself that you needed her more than she needed you; that you’d be back. She wasn’t going to call first. You had to. But you didn’t and it made Maya spiral even more. Things got worse for her. At work it was a constant reminder of her loss of captain. At  home, her apartment reminded her too much of her loss of you. So, she went out to bars in the evenings often. A little too often. 

That drinking led to bad decisions. One particular night was definitely her rock bottom. She had decided to call you. Drunk off her ass and angry she was stumbling into a dark apartment without you had her thinking irrationally. Her hands moved before her mind really comprehend what she was doing. Maya saw your name on the screen and immediately hit call. 

“You just gave up,” she slurred into the phone the minute she heard your tired, confused greeting from the other line. “How could you just give up?”

“M… Maya?” Your voice sounded exhausted. Somewhere in Maya’s drunken brain she knew she shouldn’t be calling you at 2AM, but at that moment she didn’t care. 

“You left and now I come home to nothing,” Maya pressed. “I lost… I lost my dreams and then— then you left me. You gave up on us. What was it? Because you’re ashamed I got demoted?”

“Maya, I did not give up on us.” Your voice sounded clearer now and Maya’s mouth snapped shut at the frustration she heard on the other end of the line. “You pushed me away. You forced me to leave.” 

“That- I-“ Maya was at a loss for words. The way you sounded, it wasn’t broken like Maya had thought, it wasn’t sad. It was angry. In those few words, drunk or not, Maya knew you were absolutely right. 

A sigh came from the other end and Maya turned her attention to her phone again. “Look, Maya, are you okay? Are you home?” You didn’t have to be there to know she was very much not sober. She might have made the last few months with her hell, but you still cared. You couldn’t just easily erase the history you had with her or turn off your feelings. 

“I’m… yes, I’m home.” Maya couldn’t think of anything else to say. Her hand dropped and her phone slid from her palm onto the couch. Her thumb tapped the screen to hang up and then she just sat there. Her mind spun from your words and from the alcohol. Even in her inebriated state, she knew from your tone of voice, just how hurt you were by her. 

The day after was no easier. She had curled up on the couch that night, not bothering to change or move before she passed out. There was a small hope in her drunken mind that she would forget those devastating words you said, but of course she didn’t. They replayed in her mind from the moment she woke up and nursed her hangover to the minute she went to bed. 

It was after that night that she decided to fix herself. You never called to follow up. Your silence was something that Maya knew she deserved, but still wished was otherwise. So, Maya became determined. She would fix this, but it started with her. No more drunken calls, no more lashing out. The next time she saw you, she’d prove she was a better version of herself, one that deserved your love again. 

Logically, Maya realized this transformation wouldn’t happen over night. There were times where she wanted to be impatient and reach out. Her therapist worked with her on this though, advising her to wait until she was sure she was ready. Therapy helped her be honest with herself, and so many times she wanted to see you, but she knew she wasn’t ready.

Until she finally was. She had discussed this in detail with her therapist. There was a plan being made, one she was eager to implement. Months had gone by, so this wouldn’t be easy. But Maya had a newfound passion and knew that this new outlook, this better version of Maya, wasn’t complete until she had her love back in her arms. 

So, she planned to show up at your door. Flowers in hand, ready to beg on her knees for you to hear her out for even just one minute. She knew she didn’t deserve that for what she put you through, but she was willing to try. She had to try. From the moment she met you, she felt like you and her were meant to be. When she finally was to enact her plan, it had to go well. But things really never are that simple. 

Running into you totally disarmed her. You looked vibrant. The last time she saw you, like really saw you, you were just so… broken. She knew, deep down, that she did that to you. But now… Now you’re glowing, you’re thriving and it made her disgusted with herself. All these negative feelings that she had worked through for months suddenly bubbled to the surface the minute her eyes landed on your face. 

There you were, on the other side of the cafe Maya had stopped at, smiling at someone she didn’t recognize. How much time really has passed? Maya knew it had been months, but she was trying not to dwell and count. Apparently enough time had passed for you to move on. At least that’s what it looked like. Obviously, you would move on from her. Maya knew, realistically, you had every right to move on, but she hoped you’d wait for her to right her wrongs. God how she hoped. 

But clearly, you didn’t. Maya treated you like shit so you left. It made sense. You gave her chance after chance after chance, of course there would be a breaking point. Of course, there would be a process that Maya didn’t see where you would pick yourself up from the wreckage she left you in and find someone else who would give you all the things Maya promised. The reality of it was that Maya failed to follow through on every single thing she said to you. Well, all but one. She told you she would never stop loving you. This promise happened once on a night when she held you tight and was scared you’d slip through her fingers. She remembered the ways your breath hitched and your eyes shone as she looked down at your face in the moonlight and made that promise. 

She remembered that promise so vividly. When the storm was coming down hard and you both listened with the window open, wrapped in each other’s arms. The setting was quiet, calming even despite the thunder booming outside. The feeling of you wrapped in her arms warmed her heart and she had never felt more complete than in that moment, so she said, “There’s never been someone I loved more completely than you.” You looked up at her with wide eyes filled with the most hopeful emotions. Then she followed “And I promise, that won’t ever change.” And it didn’t. Even if you didn’t look at her the same way, or at all now, she still loved you with her entire heart. Despite all the ugliness of your last few months together, it still was the truest feeling she’s ever had. Each night she laid down in an empty bed she ached for not just another body next to her, because that wouldn’t suffice. No, she ached for you and you alone. 

When Maya saw you, you didn’t see her. She had decided she needed to get out of there as fast as possible. After her order had come out, she snatched her coffee as fast as she possibly could. Her head stayed turned from you as she made her way past your table and to the exit. Of course, she was trying so hard to avoid your gaze that she didn’t pay attention to where she was going.

She fully bumped into another random man, her coffee falling to the floor and spilling all over the place. Apology after apology flew from her lips as she still tried to keep her head down and clean up her mess. When she popped back up with a handful of coffee soaked napkins though, that’s when her eyes met yours.

You were shocked, staring back at her with eyes wide. “Maya?” Your voice was full of surprise and not resentment, which relieved Maya for a second. But then your eyes flicked to the confused person next to you and Maya’s eyes followed before landing back on your face.

The look you gave her next killed her. It was a look of guilt and pity. One that crushed Maya’s heart into a million pieces. So, she fled. 

If you had followed her, Maya didn’t notice. She walked with as much speed as she could without breaking into a full blown sprint. Her eyes stung, but she refused to cry. 

This whole encounter threw off everything for her. She had to rethink everything she planned. Was it still possible to win you back? Was it too late? Should she even try?

Those were all the questions she flung at her therapist the moment she sat down for her next session. What she was reminded of was that she had no answers for what was going on and who she saw with you. Therefore, she had no answers for the previous questions she posed. 

The new plan was still to reach out, but be more casual about it. Ask for coffee and discuss all the ways you may have changed and how Maya had been doing. Focus on you first and then perhaps Maya can move onto her proposal to restart. This plan positioned herself so that she could learn who that person was and what the situation might be before putting her heart right on the line. 

She wasn’t ready for all of that just yet though. There was a greater potential for rejection now. Maya told herself she was too scared to know the truth so she would wait a bit longer. Even if waiting was knowing she could possibly be pushing you closer to this mysterious person, she just couldn’t muster up the courage. But, much like the coffee shop incident, life had other plans. 

In the months you two had been apart, Maya hadn’t run into you at all. Now, suddenly, she bumps into you two weeks in a row before she was really ready to. It was like some kind of cosmic cruel joke. 

Again, when she saw you, she felt utterly disarmed. She was just trying to enjoy a nice run when she ran straight up to you. Not intentionally, of course, she was off in her own little world. Her mind was wrapped up in you, so to hear your voice say her name as she passed had her utterly freeze in shock.

“Hi…” Maya said hesitantly as she turned to see your face staring back at her. This time, thankfully, you appeared to be alone.

“Hi.” Your voice had just as much hesitation as hers. “How… um, how are you?”

“Good,” Maya nodded, trying to catch her breath and calm her heart rate. She didn’t think it was the run that was elevating it. “Yeah, I’m good.” And it was true to an extent, even if she was internally panicking.

She hadn’t thought it would go this awkward. Maybe it was naive, but she assumed everything would just… click when she was one-on-one with you again. But instead, you were anxious and she was tense. 

Maya took a deep breath, remembering the exercises given to her in her sessions. It helped ground her and get her bearings. “How are you?” Maya finally managed to ask after a long, awkward pause. 

“I’m okay.” If there was one thing Maya knew, it was how to read your eyes. Your tone sounded fine, but that answer didn’t reach your eyes. In fact, as Maya looked on at your face, she thought you looked tired. Maybe even quite a bit sad. She wondered if she read you wrong at the coffee shop. If maybe you weren’t as happy as you seemed. Did your smile reach your eyes that day? Maya was too taken aback by suddenly seeing you that she didn’t pay much attention then. 

“Yeah?” Maya questioned. 

You nodded and for a moment that awkward pause was back. “Maya, about the other day…” you finally broke the silence.

“You don’t need to explain.”

“Yeah, but— I don’t know, I feel like I should.” Your voice got quieter as you spoke and Maya shook her head. She offered you a sad smile and more guilt washed over you. 

“You don’t owe me an explanation.” Maya honestly hoped you wouldn’t give one. Not yet, she still wasn’t ready to hear it yet. “It’s okay really.”

But then, as you both stood, shuffling awkwardly and trying to find the right words, or any words for that matter, Maya felt the nagging curiosity bubble up in her. Maybe if she did ask, it would be better now than later. She could rip off the bandaid. She didn’t want details, but she just wanted to know. It could determine if there was hope. If she had a reason to hold on to it; to you. So, she asked the scariest, but most simple question to end this internal debate that she could think of.

“Is it serious?” Maya tried to play it off as a casual question, but deep down the answer you would give her would hold an important weight in her heart that you were entirely unaware of.

“No,” you gave her a small, sad smile. “We just met that day.” 

Maya couldn’t help herself, she really couldn’t. She had to know. As much as your answers could rip her heart right out, she just had to. “Has there been anyone serious?” 

“No, Maya,” you sighed. It wasn’t a sigh of frustration, but one that sounded just so disheartening to Maya’s ears. “Not since…”

“Me,” Maya finished. 

You just nodded in a response. The look on your face said it all. The pain was still right there on the surface. There’s a discomfort between you two. Things were still broken. Of course they would be, Maya thought. It’s not like you two tried to talk after you walked out. She just let you walk away and she was sure you probably held that against her even today. You two didn’t try to be friends, you didn’t try to be anything after it all went down. It was just radio silence apart from that drunken night. But Maya could feel that there was still so much left unsaid. It wasn’t just her that wanted to talk, but she could see in your eyes that you did too. If you didn’t, you could’ve just walked on. Yet, you stayed. It was awkward and public, but you still stood in front of her, shuffling your feet, as you waited for more words to come. So a talk was definitely necessary and obviously overdue. The question is, would you be willing to actually sit down and talk with her?

She had to try, right? You were, well, you. The person on Maya’s mind every single day even if you weren’t currently in her life. Her greatest love that still held all of her heart. She had to try. 

“Could we… I don’t know.” Maya was really struggling to get these words out there. No matter how many times she practiced this in her head after running into you, doing it was harder. She had to be brave though. She knew this moment wouldn’t come again for a long time. It had been so long since she saw you. Last week didn’t count, this meeting was different; face-to-face. A rare coincidence that suddenly presented her with so many options. What would happen if she let this chance pass her by? When would it come next? Would that girl you were with still be nothing serious? Maya couldn’t risk that. “Could we maybe grab dinner sometime?”

“Why?” It wasn’t a harsh question. You weren’t being defensive when you asked, but you were being cautious. Maya understood that and honestly she appreciated it even. But the question still took her aback.

“I just- I think we should talk.” Maya searched your eyes for any type of negativity to her request. She was really putting herself on the line. Not just with asking you to talk, but actually telling you that she was willing to. And talk she would. She would say everything that was left unsaid and she would let you say what you needed to say too of course. Maya could show you that she’s different, that she’s better, that she changed. Maybe then you’d give her just one last chance. She had no right to ask you for any more, not when so much time had passed. But god fucking dammit she wanted you back so badly. 

“I’ve been seeing a therapist and working on myself,” Maya continued. “I just want the chance to— to show you how far I’ve come.” The mention of therapy shocked you. It was something you asked her to consider, but all you were met with was a scoff. As your eyes searched Maya’s face, you realized how sincere she was. She seemed to be very honest about her claims. 

You wished you could relate. That you could say you worked on yourself in the time you two were apart. Truthfully, when Maya saw you it was the first time you decided to stop drowning in your heartbreak and find someone new. The sight of Maya that day had ruined that resolve.

Secretly, after that day, you hoped to see her again. Part of you wished she would call, but she didn’t. If you called, you felt like that was betraying every promise you made to yourself after leaving her. She needed to change to make it work, to stop hurting you, but you were scared she wasn’t capable of that.

So, you didn’t call. But when you saw her running towards you, on a route you knew she took, you couldn’t stop yourself from stopping her. Part of you still felt shocked to see her again, but really it was you lying to yourself. There was a strong chance you’d see her, and you knew that. You told yourself you needed the walk for fresh air, but there was more to it. The need to just talk to her, for even a moment, was too great. You wanted to know how she was doing, if she was okay. That drunken call still ran through your head and made you sick with worry.

When you saw her at the cafe, though, you thought she looked good. There was an inkling of hope, which is why you found yourself here trying to “accidentally” bump into her. And it all played out how you wanted.

But then she wanted dinner and to actually talk and you realized you were playing a dangerous game. If she hurt you all over again, honestly you didn’t think you could survive it. All you’ve done for months is lay in an unfamiliar, empty apartment you managed to find when you left. It didn’t feel like home, it felt depressing. You were sufficating in your heartbreak and just starting to pick up the pieces. If she was lying to get you back, only to treat you so badly again, it would destroy you for good this time.

“I don’t know…” Your eyes fell as you tried to find the right words to let her down.

“Just one dinner and then, if you want, you never have to hear from me again.” Maya’s plea had squeezed at your heart. The moment you made the mistake of looking back up at her, your resolve broke. She was so hopeful and yet so scared at the same time. “Just one dinner,” She repeated and you shocked yourself when you nodded in agreement. 

“One,” you whispered. 

“Good.” Maya’s smile was hesitant, but her eyes sparkled as she realized you were giving her a chance. Maybe it wasn’t a chance to get back together and make up for all the pain Maya caused, but it was a start. “This weekend, let’s go to that Italian restaurant… the one you love so much.” 

You knew the exact one. Maya wasn’t subtle. It was your first date, which is possibly why it was your favorite place. It was romantic and intimate. A good place to talk, but also a good place to get lost in Maya’s presence and lose your resolve even more. 

Still you couldn’t help but agree. “I’ll meet you there.” You knew if you drove there at least you wouldn’t be going home with her even if you wanted to. Maya nodded, giving you her most charming smile that used to make you swoon. It still did, if you were being completely honest. 

Your smile was nervous as you returned it, but still there was a flutter in your stomach that you hadn’t felt in a long time. The last time was before Maya got demoted, when that bright smile was turned your way almost every day. Seeing it again, you didn’t realize how much you missed it. 

Both of you parted after a moment. Maya’s jog continued but this time instead of spiraling in anxiety about potentially losing you forever, she was happy. Her plan was to talk, really it was, but as she ran her mind daydreamed about all the romantic possibilities that could happen after.

You, on the other hand, were preoccupied with very different thoughts. Ones of re-lived heartbreak and broken promises. The rest of that evening you spent spiraling and consumed in regret and fear of the what ifs. 

---------------------------------------------

The weekend came faster than you expected it to. In the days that followed your last encounter with Maya, your mind was fixated on so many worst case scenarios. Maya, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. 

She was nervous, sure, but she was also confident. She had her foot back in the door, she could try to convince you that she had changed. Logically, she knew jumping back into it all with you would be nearly impossible. It wasn’t like she wasn’t ready for that or for you. She knew she was ready to have it all with you, to have you back home and in the bed you once shared with her. It was all she wanted now. Screw captain, she had dropped the fantasy of getting it back somewhere in the second month of regular therapy sessions. Recently, it had even been reoffered to her and it was just as much of a shock to the station as it was to herself when she rejected the opportunity to snatch the position again.

Somewhere in the process of self improvement, she realized that wasn’t actually what she wanted. What she did want was her life back. That wasn’t possible, she decided, without you. But, not only did she want her life back, she wanted it to be better. For you. It’s what you deserved and she realized that now. She had taken you for granted and she was going to spend the rest of her life making it up to you if you’d let her.

That was another thing. Part of her plan was ambitious. She had wanted to eventually prove her dedication to you with a ring she had long hidden in the drawer next to her side of the bed, waiting for just the right chance. This was part of her plan that she had in mind before she saw you on that coffee date and if she was being honest, it was a part she tried to let go of again before she saw you on her run. When she saw you at the coffee shop, she had tried to calm herself, realizing the minute she felt ready that she was getting a little too excited. She had expected you to be hesitant, mad even, but she had held onto this naive idea that you were waiting for her to better herself. 

Even if she tried to calm herself down and not get her hopes up, she couldn’t help it. The closer she got to Saturday the more hopeful she got. Her mind wandered to the daydreams she used to have about a future with you, a wedding, a house… All those big things. There were butterflies in her stomach that she hadn’t felt since she got demoted. It really felt like everything was coming together for her.

That is, until about two hours before you both had agreed to meet.

While she was eagerly getting dressed in the nicest possible outfit, you were sitting frozen on your bed, staring at the clock tick away closer and closer to when it was time to see her. Your mind was running in circles about how you were setting yourself up to get hurt again, how you were going along with this all too easily. It was a big step to see Maya and who’s to say she really has changed? Or what if she has changed, but would stop working on herself the minute she had you back? She could lean on you, sure, you were always there to support her, but you didn’t want to be her emotional punching bag again. You didn’t want the cold shoulder when she came home, the accusations, the walking on eggshells. You didn’t know what was worse, living with a shell of the woman you loved or being without her completely. But as these months went on, and that emptiness sunk in, you had gotten used to it. Maybe it was better than the constant pain, rejection, and resentment Maya had directed towards you? Or maybe you just got comfortable in it?

Either way you were scared, so you made a choice. It was one solely made out of fear, one that you chose without truly thinking over it in a logical way. You sent a text on impulse.

Maya saw her phone light up as she was out already, trying to pick up a few of your favorite things before the date really started. With your favorite flowers in hand, she opened the text and her stomach dropped. 

I can’t see you tonight. I’m sorry.

That was all you gave her and honestly, Maya understood. She really did, but she was still crushed. 

The flowers she had in her hand were left forgotten on the cashier counter as she just walked straight out the door. 

The minute you sent that text your heart sank. You saw the three dots on the text thread start for a moment and then nothing. There was no reply, all it said was that it was read about a minute after you had sent it. You fell back on the bed, regretting the decision almost immediately and knowing just how much that had to hurt Maya. But it was for the best, right? That’s what you were telling yourself. It would save you both pain in the long run. It would save her from seeing you leave again, seeing you not be strong enough to stay by her side when she���s going through the worst of it. 

The guilt was killing you.

Eventually, about three hours later and what would’ve been an hour into the dinner you were supposed to have, you got tired of wallowing. You needed to eat, you didn’t have the emotional energy to cook, and maybe it would be good to get yourself up and moving. That way you couldn’t break your resolve, which for three hours had been seriously slipping. You lost count of the amount of times you typed and deleted an apology text to send to her. Of course, none of them got sent. If you sent one then there would be a possibility to reschedule and that reschedule would lead to all these feelings again. You couldn’t do that and you couldn’t put Maya through that.

So, by some miracle, you got yourself back out of bed. You walked, on autopilot, to your favorite pizza place to get some food. Honestly, you were probably quite the sight. You didn’t bother to do much other than get dressed in a comfortable t-shirt and jeans. There were probably still tear stains on your cheeks from how overwhelmed you felt by your emotions over tonight and your hair was definitely a mess, considering you buried yourself between two pillows and willed yourself to sleep off the horrible feelings. Sleep never came, so here you were. 

As you made your way into the restaurant and got in line to order, you really didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings. So, when you completely missed Ben Warren with his family sitting at a table, it was only understandable to take no notice. But he definitely saw you.

His head perked up and his eyebrows arched high in surprise. Maya had been talking all week about tonight, so to see you here and also in such a state of dishevelment was really shocking. But then he put the pieces together. You looked rough, but he didn’t think it was because of your interaction with Maya.

What he should’ve done was mind his own business, but he had a soft spot for you and Maya and once he saw how dead on your feet you looked, he couldn’t stop himself. With determination, while you remained completely oblivious to his presence, he walked up behind you and cautiously tapped your shoulder. 

You turned slowly, not really thinking about who was behind you or what they could want. The emotional exhaustion was too strong for you to honestly care much about anything. You really just wanted to get food and go. Even then, you weren’t sure you were going to eat it. At least you’d try though.

Then, as you turned and realized who it was, that’s when you jumped out of your skin. This was the last thing you wanted– Well, maybe not the last thing since it wasn’t actually Maya who was standing in front of you– But still, seeing someone she worked with was not much better. God, you hoped he didn’t know that you had plans with Maya. If he did, then it would be very obvious that you blew her off. He was her friend before he was yours. In fact, you weren’t sure if he really was your friend. Ben was kind and caring of course, but he was like that with everyone. 

The last thing you wanted was for him to look at you with any sort of disappointment or disapproval. What if his reaction was worse? That kind and welcoming side you had learned to associate with Warren could go away completely if he knew where you were supposed to be tonight. You really couldn’t get chewed out by him for hurting his friend. That wasn’t something you had the emotional capacity for tonight. Surely, Maya didn’t tell everyone. She wouldn’t, right? Thinking back to the dynamic you witnessed between her and her station and how everyone was a big family… the odds weren’t in your favor.

“What are you doing here?” Warren’s question was gentle, he waited to ask when the shock of seeing him finally washed from your face and was replaced with one of hesitation. He didn’t seem mad and, in fact, it was almost like he already knew the answer, but your heart still sank when you heard the question either way. “Aren’t you supposed to be meeting with Maya? It’s all she’s talked about this week.” 

So he did know. Of course, he knew. “Warren, hi… I- she told you about it?”

“It’s all she’s been talking about,” he said with no hint of humor in his voice. You swallowed hard at the look on his face. Not disapproving, but still serious.

“I- I couldn’t go,” you stammered. “It didn’t seem like a good idea. She said she changed— I don’t know. Look I should go.” You took a step back and your eyes darted to the exit. It was a bad idea to come out, you were seriously regretting that now. Food be damned, all you wanted to do was crawl back into bed. 

Seeing as Warren didn’t seem to want to stop you, you turned to leave. Even if you came here to get your comfort food before you spent the night, yet again, wallowing in heartbreak, your appetite was gone. Plus, you couldn’t stand the way he looked at you right now, the guilt of it was making you feel nauseous.  

“She gave up captain.” Warren’s voice stopped you dead in your tracks.

“What did you say…” Your question trailed off as you turned to him again.

“She gave up captain for you.” He repeated. What he said was something Maya didn’t even plan to tell you, not yet anyways. It was the last part of her process before she realized she was ready to try again with you, ready to show you she was better. And it was also the one thing you never thought you’d hear, one Maya knew would shock you to your core. She didn’t want you to know until she actually had you in her arms again, lest you think it was a tactic to get you back the easy way without even proving herself first. But, as Warren stood and saw how terrified you clearly were to jump into things with Maya again, he knew he had to nudge. 

“Warren…” It felt like the wind got knocked out of you. “That can’t be true. She wants that more than anything.” 

“No,” Warren shook his head. “There’s something she wants more.” His face said it all, he didn’t have to tell you what that thing was. It was so clearly you.

You were at a loss for words. Your heart was beating faster by the second as realization washed over you. 

“I suggest,” Warren’s voice was gentle now, “ you go see her. Tonight.”

You nodded, your feet backing away from the man yet again, but this time when you turned for the door it was for a different reason.

A million questions ran through your mind and you felt even worse about canceling on her now. You should’ve given her a chance to talk. You should’ve heard her out. If what he was saying was true then it changed everything. There was nothing bigger than the claim he just made. Warren didn’t lie either, you knew he was a trustworthy man. So you knew, deep down, the claim was true. 

Your feet carried you home faster than you thought capable. It was like your body was on autopilot while your mind raced. You stopped to grab your car keys before peeling out of your apartment parking lot and speeding towards your destination. You knew exactly where you wanted to go before you even really processed that you were already heading that way. It was rash. You had just spent the whole week worrying about being close to Maya again, hearing Maya out, opening yourself up to heartbreak. Now, though, everything was different. Now, you were suddenly ready to throw caution to the wind. 

Ben said the exact words you needed to hear to let go of any of your hesitations. Yes, you should’ve heard Maya out and yes, what you did wasn’t the best. But you were going to listen now, or try to. Even if your mind was in a million places at once, the only thing you knew was that you needed to see her. 

So when you found yourself at her apartment, you didn’t think to text or call her to warn her you were coming or to tell her you were there even when you slammed the car door and rushed to her unit. There was no hesitancy in the way you went straight to her door and knocked profusely. 

You definitely seemed like a crazy person, but you didn’t really care at that moment. Did you have a plan? No, but all you knew was that you needed to make this right. You’d hear her out, you’d listen for hours, you’d do whatever it took later. But as you waited anxiously for her to come to the door, this feeling inside you grew. It was one that told you to just fling yourself into her arms. Warren gave you all the reason you needed for you to let go of your trepidations. So if you could get her to open the door for you, you might just do exactly that. 

Finally, the door swings open and Maya’s irritated face twisted into utter shock the moment she saw you on the other side. It was almost comical to see just how flabbergasted she was. But then, as you took her appearance in, you realized she was probably wallowing in the same way you were the moment she read your text.

“(Y/N), hi what are you-”

“I have some stuff to say and I need you to just listen.” You interrupted her. She nodded immediately and stepped aside to let you in. You walked right past her and into the middle of her apartment. An apartment you used to share. The strangeness of being back here settled in your stomach like a storm and it just added so much more to your anxiety and confusion. Again, you really didn’t have much of a plan as to what was to come next. You should talk, you really should talk, but also you didn’t want to talk you just wanted… her. 

Maya walked in behind you and waited. You paced back and forth in front of her. With each step you took both yours and her anxiety was rising. She had no idea what you were going to say or if it was going to break her heart into tiny pieces. She was already hurting from your actions earlier today. The last thing she expected was to see you show up at her doorstep.  This could go either way. But honestly, she was gearing up more for you to say you never wanted to see her again rather than say anything good. But she hoped beyond hope that she was wrong to prepare for that. 

Your mind was racing and your heart was pounding in your chest. Ever since you let Maya back into your life (if you could even count the encounters you had as that), you were so afraid of her and the hurt she could possibly bring on top of the hurt you were already feeling from what happened before. But now you get this news? That the one thing she wanted more than anything in the world was offered to her and she said no. That one thing she wanted so badly it broke the both of you was no longer the thing she wanted and it felt like you were living in another reality. How were you supposed to react when Ben, the most honest man you knew, looks you in the eye and says it was you that she wanted most of all now? What do you say to him or, even more importantly, to her after learning that fact?

“We have a lot to talk about,” You were repeating yourself, but it was all you could think of to break the silence.  

“I know,” Maya nodded as she watched you pace the room.

“And a lot to work through.”

“I know,” she repeated.

“With this dinner was I… Was this your way of getting things back to the way they were?”

“No,” she shook her head. “Not how they were. A new start.”

“Maya, I- I’m still hurt. You hurt me and I haven’t healed all the way yet. It’s not that easy.”

“I know,” Maya hung her head. “I know, I hurt you. And I know it’s not that easy.”

“But even then… even…” Your words were escaping you and the battle in your mind was fizzling out to just one thing. You were so fucking tired. Tired of hurting from Maya. Tired of working through all of this and “staying strong” whatever the fuck that meant. Fuck sticking with your decision and standing your ground. Fuck being apart from the only woman you think you ever truly loved and would ever love. Fuck all of that. “Even after everything, even after months have passed… God, Maya can you just be kissing me now? Please?”

It didn’t even take Maya two seconds to process your words. In two quick strides she was in front of you, with her hands on either side of your face, pulling you in. It felt like a hurricane of emotions exploding inside you the minute her lips crashed into yours. But god was it just so… so everything. It was painful, it was incredible, it was messy, it was earth shattering. The way she was pressing her lips to yours with so much need, so much love, and so much desperation. And you met every emotion she was giving you into that kiss with your own tenfold. God, this was all you both wanted.

Maya felt like she was about to explode with joy. She knew there was work to be done, she knew you were hurt and the both of you were still broken, but finally there was hope. When she asked you to dinner, never in her wildest dreams did she think this would be happening right now. Especially after the text she received. But this. This moment right here was a sign that those pieces she broke back then could start being put together and that was all she had hoped for the minute you walked out the door. She was going to do everything she possibly could to fix what you two had. 

Your hands moved to tangle into Maya’s hair and hers moved to wrap around your waist and pull your body to press against hers. The kiss grew more and more heated with every passing second. It was like you had been starving for her and now finally you got to have a taste again, but it was going to take so much more to satiate you. Maya was in the same boat.

In the back of your mind, you thought maybe you should stop at kissing her and start talking at some point, but then your back hit the wall and Maya’s hands were dipping under your shirt and scratching at your sides. The way she was pressing herself so completely into your body, while also pulling you impossibly closer had your head swimming. A small moan fell from her lips as she kissed you harder and any thought of stopping was totally gone. The overwhelming need to be even closer (if that was possible at this point) overtook you. Plus, you didn’t want to go another night without having her next to you. The thought of going back to your empty apartment, falling asleep alone in bed, without her strong arms around you was the last thing you wanted. Tonight, you wanted Maya and you weren’t going to deny yourself of that any longer.

You were melting into her, your hands gripping at her back desperately as she kissed you with everything she had. The way your tongue ran over hers had both of you groaning against each other’s lips. Maya too thought maybe she should take it slow. Her reasoning was that she was worried she’d scare you off, but then you held her tighter and let her kiss you deeper and she knew that she couldn’t hold back. She’d only stop if you told her to stop, otherwise she was going to finally indulge. 

Eventually, Maya’s hands gripped tightly at your waist and she pulled you to walk backwards into the bedroom with her. Not once did she break the kiss and with each step you took with her, she just felt more eager to have you completely again. When both of you crossed the threshold, her hands were immediately tearing at your clothes. Both of you only broke the kiss for her to remove your shirt and bra and then her own, before you both leaned back in.

This time, when she kissed you, she slowed a little. Her tongue licked into your mouth and your nails dug into her bare shoulders. Her hands trailed down your stomach until they reached your jeans. She slipped her fingers into your belt loops and, in one swift move, she had you turned around until your knees hit the edge of the bed and you fell backwards. 

You landed with an umph but she didn’t seem to mind, neither did you. She followed you down with her knees resting on the mattress on either side of your hips to hold herself up. Her lips moved from yours to lick and nip down your neck. You were breathing hard and small whines were falling freely from you now. 

All the while, Maya was in a state of disbelief. This all felt too good to be true, but then here you were. In her hands, on her bed, laying right beneath her. The very thought of it all just made Maya’s need for you rise. 

Her teeth sank into the tender flesh between your neck and collarbone a little harder than she had been nipping at you before. A loud gasp filled the room, but quickly turned into a desperate moan as her tongue ran over the bite mark she left behind.

Usually, when you two were together before, you would complain about her leaving marks and the efforts you’d have to take to hide them the next day. This time was different, though. You didn’t mind her doing it, in fact you wanted her to. In a weird way it was a reminder that Maya seemed to have changed and that she was here with you tonight. So if anything happened after this encounter, at least you had this moment with her. This moment of completely throwing caution to the wind and letting Maya have you completely as she once did.

Maya’s hands tugged at your jeans as her lips and tongue made their way down to your chest. When she lowered her head past your neck, she was finally met with the sight of your perfect bare chest. When Maya had managed to rip off your jeans and toss them somewhere, one hand shot right up to palm at your breast while the other pushed your thigh until you had no choice but to spread your legs and let Maya adjust to kneel between them. 

With the way Maya was palming at one nipple, rolling it between her fingers and teasing you, your head was swimming. Then, she took your other in her mouth and your own hand flew to her hair, pressing her closer to your bare breast as she lightly sucked and nipped at it. 

Your head had already fallen back onto the pillow, your body already overwhelmed by all the things Maya was doing to it. It was like she never missed a beat.  She knew what you liked, she remembered every sensitive spot, every way and place to touch that drove you crazy. When her fingers finally left your inner thigh and moved between your legs to just barely trace the outside of your folds, you couldn’t stop the whimper.

That was one thing about you and Maya. The sex was always amazing because she always paid attention to your body. But she also loved to draw things out, which is exactly what it seemed like she was doing tonight. The way she continued to pay attention to your breasts while just barely ghosting the tips of her fingers over your clit was her way of taking her time. It was also driving you crazy. You didn’t think tonight, of all nights, you could let this be drawn out.

It had been months since you left Maya and even longer since she actually touched you like this. Drawing it out was torture for you. Even though Maya was enjoying this, enjoy your body, she still knew you well. She didn’t miss the frustrated huff when she only traced your entrance but didn’t do much else. She heard the pleading whimpers when her fingers rubbed lazy circles against your clit. As much as she wanted to take her time and absorb every little detail about your body, she wanted to fulfill your needs first.

So, when she entered you with two fingers without warning, the way you gasped out her name felt like the most rewarding sound Maya had ever heard. You still had one hand tangled into her hair and the other moved to wrap around her back as she began to move her fingers inside you. 

Maya managed to position herself in a way that whenever she entered her fingers into you, she put her whole body behind it. She rocked into you with each time her fingers pumped inside you. The whole bed creaked and groaned as she continued to fuck you at a steady, but strong pace.

As her pace sped up, Maya buried her head into your neck. Her emotions were high right now. To be with you like this again finally was everything to her. The way you held onto her, the way you felt around her fingers, the way you were about to fall apart at any second because of her— it was so beautiful to her. Tears pricked at her eyes, but she ignored them, knowing they were just a result of how happy she finally was. Her lips reattached to your neck, leaving marks on your skin as you turned your head into the pillow and gave her more access. 

When her fingers curled inside you and you cried out her name again, she groaned into your neck. Her free hand moved to grab one of yours and entangle your fingers as she started to pump the two inside you even harder. At this point, she knew you were close. She could feel you tighten around her fingers.

By now all you were doing was moaning her name. Every part of you was overwhelmed by Maya and the intensity was nothing you had experienced before. To go so long without the woman you loved, to not know if you’d ever have her again, made this experience so much more intense.

Your body shook as Maya continued to press her fingers against just the right spot inside you. The hand that was now in yours held tighter and you squeezed back as your body started to approach that edge.

White hot pleasure burst through your whole body finally and you felt yourself tighten even more around the fingers inside you. You let out a pathetic whimper of Maya’s name as you came. She kissed at your neck and your face, murmuring different things about how good you were, how beautiful you looked, and other praises.

Your body relaxed underneath her finally and she slowly and carefully slid her fingers out of you. Maya’s body rested more fully on top of yours once she had and you still struggled to regulate your heartbeat.

A hand came to press against your cheek and Maya leaned up slightly to look at you. You were still panting a little from the intensity of the orgasm, but you managed to focus your eyes and look back. The expression you saw from her took your breath away. Never had you seen her so happy, so radiant in all the time you’ve known Maya. She was smiling down at you with the softest, but most genuine smile you’ve ever seen. Her eyes shined as she stared back at yours and all you could read in them was admiration and happiness. 

She leaned down then, her lips pressing against yours in the most gentle kiss. Your eyes fluttered closed and you leaned up into it, overtaken by the softness that Maya was displaying. 

“I know we need to talk,” Maya whispered when she pulled away. “But would you stay the night, please?” You nodded and Maya’s smile only got brighter. “I just want to hold you for the rest of the night. Is that okay?”

“I’d like that,” you managed to say, your voice still rough from the intensity of the events just moments ago. 

“Good,” Maya sighed happily. She adjusted then, rolling off you and shimmying out of the rest of her clothes. Then she settled beside you, pulling you into her strong arms where you adjusted until you felt comfortable. There was so much intimacy in this moment, your bare bodies pressed to each other and your head on her chest so close you could hear the beat of her heart. Before you left, before Maya lost captain even, this kind of intimacy was hard for Maya to express. You had learned and accepted that it was a feeling that would come when it did, and that was rare.

But tonight, as Maya’s fingers raked gently through your hair, it felt so natural and easy for her. There didn’t seem to be any difficulty in the affection Maya was showing and your heart skipped a beat as you realized just how much truth she had spoken when she said she changed. 

You felt content in this moment, like everything would be okay. No matter what all you had to talk through, no matter the work that still needed to be done, things between you two would be okay. You were right where you were supposed to be and both of you felt that sentiment now more than either of you ever had. 

“Maya,” you whispered into the peaceful silence the room had fallen into. “I love you. I never stopped loving you.” Those words had so much emotion, they held so much promise in them, and you hoped Maya understood all of it in the conviction you put behind them.

Maya’s hand paused in your hair for a moment, but you felt the arm around you tighten and pull you closer. “I love you too,” Maya finally said, clearing her throat to avoid the obvious signs of tears that threatened to spill. “I will always love you with everything I have, if you let me. I promise you that.”

It was a new promise that Maya was making to you. What felt like so long ago Maya had held you and said she never loved anyone more completely than you and promised that never would change. Now she is promising you that she will give her all to loving you and being the partner you need. Maya has broken promises, she’s let you down and hurt you in the past. It’s what broke the both of you before. But as you took in her words, you knew, just as she held onto the one promise, she’d hold onto this one as well. 

There was healing to do, but Maya was ready to rebuild with you if you’d let her. And as you pulled yourself closer into her body and pressed a kiss over her heart, she knew you were all in to rebuild with her too.

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[dilxcc]

chapter five

summary. in which two friends who desperately clings to each other until the other slips away . . .

contains. fem!reader, friends to lovers, angst, fluff, slowburn, cussing, grammatical errors . . .

note. i swear this chapter would be more enjoyable if you read it while listening to kai's come in. ALSO FOR EVERYONE'S INFORMATION!! i actually was listening to kai's say you love me (i thought it fits the yandere theme much more but angst works too hehe) when i come up with this ff 🤭 im not even going to lie when i say most of his songs inspired me to write

previous chapter

his face was adorned with a sweet smile. one hand caressing your hair while the other were wrapped around your waist, pulling you close to him. you were too caught up in what was happening until he was suddenly further away from you. your voice were stuck in your throat, desperately trying to call out for him.

that gentle smile were replaced with resentment. you didn't get what was happening. your heart ache as he continue to get further away. you begged for your legs to start moving ― to start chasing after him. but it wouldn't move.

.

you woke up with a start, slightly out of breath as you take in your surrounding. your head was immediately turned towards the door when it swung open, revealing the very source of your nightmare. "satoru..." you muttered. despite your best effort to look like nothing had happened, he had already caught on to it.

"you good?" he asked, sitting down on the side of the bed. "yeah," you answered almost immediately. he knew that was not the case. hell, he's been friends with you since your teenage years. of course, he would know if something was wrong. but he didn't push the topic any further. "are the kids okay?" you asked softly. he put the plastic bag that he brought with him on the bedside table. "they are. thanks to you," he smiled slightly.

you let out a sigh of relief before laying back down on the bed. "i brought your favorites," he said, his eyes were wandering around the hospital room. "eat it while it's still hot," he added.

for the next few minutes, he accompanied you as you ate your lunch ― that was what he told you. as if noticing your constant need to clear your throat, he suddenly got up from his seat and started walking towards the door. "where are you going?" you immediately asked. "missing me already?" he asked with a teasing smile, making you to crack a smile of your own. "i'm getting you water," he said softly, his hand on the doorknob. "i'll be back in a few,"

after he left, you were left alone with your thoughts. your mind wander back to the dream you just had. was it really a dream..? or was it some sort of prediction that might happen in the future? you shook your head slightly, denying all possibilities. there was no way that would happen... right?

.

the two students clung onto you, tears staining their faces as they shout words of gratefulness. "you scared us back there!" itadori started. "we thought that you died!"

gojo only watched the scene unfolding before him with amusement. the fushiguro boy had a concerned look on his face but he was trying his hard to not show it.

after a few minutes of consoling your students, they finally calmed down and returned to their usual routine. you were left alone with the gojo satoru yet again. "don't you have a business trip? you usually have one," you muttered.

"told those old men that i'm busy," the white haired male shrugged. "then why are you still here?" you tilted your head in disbelief. he let out a chuckle and shrugged. "let's hang out," he smiled brightly, dodging your question expertly. he do know why he was here ― why he was reluctant to leave your side. he was scared that you might get hurt again; that you might... leave him.

you sighed and shook your head. "i can't, satoru. i still have classes," you rejected. "oh, you mean the one you had after this? loosen up. you still got two more days before you actually need to start teaching again," he said. "plus, those kids won't have a single mission any time soon," he smiled.

"no, means no, satoru," you sighed. "yes, you mean?" he insisted. without asking for your permission, he grabbed your hand and warped the two of you in front of a sweets shop. "satoru!" you groaned.

without letting go of your hand, he starts walking inside the shop, looking through at the various flavors they have. "choose your favorite," he said softly before letting go of your hand and wander around the store in search for his favorite flavors.

you sighed in defeat before you decided to give in and take a look around the store. it had different flavors, some you have heard of and some that you have never heard of. your eyes stopped at the familiar candy that you used to eat back in the days. yours and satoru's favorite.

you wondered if it was still his favorite.

.

sitting at the park bench, you unwrapped the toffee plastic and popped it inside your mouth. "oh," satoru was frozen in his spot, his eyes glued on the confectionery. he remembered the times during your teenage days when both you and satoru would eat these candies under a tree, laughing at each other's joke.

"still your favorite?" he asked softly, his eyes soften behind his black glasses. you hummed and closed your eyes. "i haven't ate this since..." he trailed off. obviously he meant since the time that your relationship drifted away. "yeah, me too," you smiled bitterly.

he scoot himself closer to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder. there was no words needed to be exchanged. just simply being in silence with him, the chirping of the birds and his raging heartbeats were enough.

taglist: @wooasecret @charisthemaniac @tw0fvced @1lellykins @dnnalssndra

masterlist

[rekino2114]

hi! Just popped back up for a request Drdt could you do the girls celebrating y/n's birthday. 😁

Drdt girls celebrating your birthday

Teruko tawaki

Teruko had everything planned out for this day. She was going to buy you a cake (because every time she tries to cook, she burns the kitchen) and then gift you something you wanted for a while while you two were alone,she wanted this to be a small and intimate thing, she had a plan and it was gonna work, but of course like always her luck was in the way.

Somehow, the day before your birthday,the bakery ran out of cakes, and the price of the thing you wanted increased beyond her budget,she should've expected this but she thought that maybe only for a day her luck would leave her alone to celebrate her partner's birthday.

She settled for buying you a cupcake and picking another cheaper gift. after a day spent all with you trying to make you happy, she took out what she had and looked at you in an embarrassed way.

"Hm,happy birthday y/n,I know this sucks but my luck decided to be a bitch today too,I swear I wanted to do something better"

"Don't worry teru,I still love this,just spending time with you is enough of a gift for me"

Min jeung

She also prepared for this day in advance. Your birthday is one of the few days when she won't study at all, even if she has a test the next day,that's how much she loves you.

As we know, she's a pretty good baker, so she'll try to bake you a cake herself, making sure it's with your favorite flavors and doesn't have anything you might be allergic to or just don't like.

She brought you a book as a gift,you got scared seeing just how big it was but she told you you could read it together.

"Happy birthday y/n,i hope we can celebrate many more special occasions while we're together"

Arei nageishi

She probably forgot about it until eden mentioned it to her

"By the way,what are you and y/n doing for their birthday?"

"Uh?"

"Didn't you know? Their birthday is tomorrow"

"............."

In her defense, the moment she realized it, she went all out. She straight up rented an entire bowling alley and had someone decorate it for the party.

She had no idea what to get you but she doesn't want you to think she's a bad girlfriend, so she tells eden to sneakily ask you, you know it's actually arei but you know how she is so you forgive her.

During this day, arei is probably the nicest she ever is both because she wants to happily celebrate with you and because she feels incredibly guilty for forgetting about it.

"OK you can open your eyes now. Ta da! What do you think? I've spared no expenses for my awesome partner's b-day.

Hu jing

She has a reminder on her calendar for every occasion that involves you two,your anniversary,your first kiss,and of course your birthday so she was as prepared as one can be.

She enlisted everyone's help to make a huge surprise party for you,she distracted you by spending the entire day with you while everyone else prepared the party.

After the party she spent some time alone with you, she gave you a gift you wanted and played a special song on her zither she made especially for you.

"Happy birthday, my dearest,I love you and I hope I showed you that during this amazing day,I want to spend so many more amazing moment like this with you"

J rosales

She doesn't really treat your birthday as a surprise or that big of a deal. She loves celebrating it,of course,she just hates big and fancy parties(probably because of her mother)

She took you shopping and asked you what you wanted as a gift you were surprised by her bluntness but still happy she remembered it.

She brought you a cake on the way home and just stayed with you for the rest of the day like a cozy home date.

"Hey, happy birthday, I know it's not much, but I hope you like it, I love you, and I hope I showed you that"

Veronika grebenshchikova

You're getting a horror themed birthday whether you like it or not,but you're dating Veronika, so you're probably used to it. She's decorating your whole room with horror decorations like it's Halloween. The only reason you can tell it's for you is the big happy birthday sign in the middle.

She cosplays as your favorite horror movie character to surprise you. She also bakes you a cake herself with the words "happy birthday y/n" in red jelly to make it seem like blood

She gives you whatever gift you wanted (even If you didn't tell her she found a way to know) and ends the day with watching your favorite horror movie while cuddling.

"Happy birthday darling,do you like this? A bit too much horror? Sorry, but you know how I am. I couldn't resist.

Rose lacroix

The opposite of arei, thanks to her perfect memory, she remembered the exact date of your birthday even without a reminder,same thing goes for your gift, she got you something you wanted even if you just mentioned it in passing once.

She also painted a picture for you:maybe of a moment of you two together or just something you like it's the most beautiful painting ever in your eyes.

She was surprisingly awake during the day,she didn't even take a nap or yawn she told you she'd never miss your special day even for a moment.

"Do you like the painting? Thanks, I made it just for you. I might be biased, but I think it's one of my better works. happy birthday, y/n

[grimmdeltarune]

WALL-BREAKER - GRIMM'S 200 POST EXTRAVAGANZA!

Hallow one and all! It seems like only yesterday I hit one hundred posts and made some art for the occasion of my golden girl, Sketchit. But now, a new milestone has been hit. I'd like to take this occasion to share with all of you the Tumbal Retake, news for the blog, special thanks, and of course. . .

WALL-BREAKER

Wall of Text Below:

Firstly, I'd like to take the time to detail Tumbal's backstory has I have not delved into it all that much on the Blog. The story starts with a pre-Secret Boss Tumbal as an optimistic actor ready to put their best foot, or root in this case, forward. He eventually got a role as an Outlaw in a western, which was the first project that good ol' Mr. Rook Action was directing. All went well until the day of shooting, where a freak accident occurred. Tumbal was shot with what the crew thought was a prop gun. As the shot rang out through the set, the cast and crew ran out, ignoring the body of Tumbal in the process. That is where he found himself, a bullet through his heart on his deathbed with no one to remember his legacy. . .Until a figure appeared to Tumbal. He told him that his time was not over just yet, as well as a new way of seeing the world, as a performance put on to entertain the higher beings. . .After that, Tumbal was left alone in that set for years, rotting into what he is today. He now uses any props he can scavenge as puppets to lure in Darkners to make friends with them, before brutally tearing them apart. This is the state The Fun Gang finds Tumbal in on their journey through Homewood. . .

Secondly, as I did with Sketchit, I'd like to explain how WALL-BREAKER would sound as a song. Of course, the song would use motifs from Battle Against a True Hero and Your Best Nightmare as well as using the Freedom Motif. The song would have a very frantic feel to it, shown through the pacing and use of the instruments. Throughout the song, some sort of banjo or guitar would be played over the track, being used for the beginning and even the Freedom Motif. The song would also reference the lietmotifs of Tenna and Rook's battle themes, in reference to his backstory. Near the end, the song would basically go insane and lose all rhyme or reason and eventually end with the sound of the banjo used in the song being smashed to pieces as an ominous voice laughs in the distance.

Next, I would like to discuss a few posts that will be made in the near future and changes to a few of my Secret Bosses. Firstly, Pocket Sand will be continuing containing the one and only Rouxls Kaard as well as Sketchit! This will be out around next week, or whenever I have time to write it. Secondly, I will be moving a few of my bosses to a group I like to call the Misfits. These bosses are ones that are basically the only part of their AUs, which will include people such as Funn N. Gaems, Fredde-E, Rustflare, Inkwel, and the other Chapter Three Secret Boss takes I made that one time. This will not mean that they will disappear, only that they have a new group name and could potentially be moved out of The Misfits if I find their stories interesting. . . Thirdly, as always, The Ask Box is wide open for anyone to throw questions, suggestions, or anything else at my characters and myself. You can literally ask any of my Deltarune based characters. The sky's the limit.

Finally, I want to give a huge round of applause to all of the people who have helped me along my journey as an artist and as a member of the Secret Boss Fandom. @mercair , you bring so many wonderful ideas and designs to the table and your characters are always a delight to draw and design for. Rest assured, you're not getting rid of my System or our nonsense at your expense any time soon. @creepa-b0t-inc , you have been an amazing part of this community, working on so many amazing projects yet still finding time to help smaller creators, such as myself. I am so glad that I know someone such as yourself and it's been amazing knowing you. @glitch-the-artist , you are an amazing traditional artist that I have adored for so long. Your work and dedication to your craft has inspired my own work and my own aspirations to get better at art. @almightyaxolotlz , I want to give you the most sincere "thank you" I could possibly muster up for being the voice of Sketchit. Thank you so much for caring about this character as much as you do and not letting Chapter X fall to the wayside. @mrchaosman , you have so much potential and so many great ideas. You're honestly an unsung hero of the community and you deserve a lot more respect for the dedication you bring to the Secret Boss Community. @petra-creat0r , you're one of the most talented artists I know and never fail to bring a sincere smile to my face. Your love for your characters and this community is inspiring and I can't wait to see what you do next. Any to everyone I did not mention, I just want to say, thank you. Thank you for inspiring me to continue being a member of this community and for allowing me to get where I am now. Thank you so much, all of you. Now, I should probably get to replying to some posts right about now. . .Goodfright to you all!

-Best Regards, Jackal.

Thanks for everything.

[sorryjustafangirl]

make it to christmas

a/n: in the absolute middle of exams, winter, homesickness, and holiday stress, i was well overdue for some (resolved) angst me thinks. this is also based off one of my fav christmas (sad but upbeat) songs of the same name by canadian icon alessia cara. i really hope you enjoy!

word count: 2.7k+

pairing: quinn hughes x gn!reader

warnings: swearing, kinda rude parents, mentions of Christmas, sad quinn a little, i can't think of anything else?

disclaimer: this is a piece of fiction so don't come for me about real life stuff. also i didn't make the gif, @gabelandeskog did (and it looks amazing!)

Quinn gets distant with you when the team is on losing streaks. When the team was on losing streaks in the winter? It would get worse. 

After three years with him, you’d noticed that this time of year makes your boyfriend get in his head a little. His frowns were a little deeper, the light rarely reached his eyes even around you. He always said it was the lack of snow Vancouver got that messed with his winter routine. When he told you that, you made him promise that he’d tell you when he was feeling particularly sad. 

He was good at keeping that promise. During the winter months when the sun set too early and the sky was grey for days on end, he’d be quiet for a day or so before confiding in you under the comfort of the covers. If things got bad, the two of you would watch reruns of Friends until he fell asleep to your heartbeat and the claps of the theme song. You’d always savoured the winter because there were so many of those moments you’d get to spend together.

But this year, it felt different.

The whispers in the dark never came and he never gave the pleading eyes to watch a show. He’d open his phone again and again, the blue light reflecting onto his face but a smile never came. You’d try to pry a little — he never did respond well to it — but you knew this wasn’t your Quinn, winter or not. 

The breaking point came when he stopped saying ‘I love you’. He never failed to say it or even send a text with it before one of his games, and he especially never forgot on road trips. But now? You couldn’t remember the last time you were able to slip into bed beside him, and say a ‘love you’ without the ache in your chest of knowing you won’t get anything more than silence in response. 

“Do you still want to come home with me for Christmas Eve?” you asked one night, when you saw the date in your calendar. 

“If you want me to, yeah sure,” he mumbled, barely looking up from his phone. You couldn’t even fake a smile at his response, just settled into bed. He may have been beside you but he might as well be a thousand miles away. 

On Christmas Eve, the two of you had dressed silently. It wasn’t like a no words communication, it was no communication, a stark contrast to other occasions when music had been playing and Quinn had been asking your opinion on which tie matched your clothes the best. Now, you waited by the door, the car keys in your hand until he came out of your bedroom, took them, and silently moved out the door. You locked the door on your own, your boyfriend twenty steps ahead of you. You sighed. 

“Just make it to Christmas,” you whispered to yourself. 

The car ride was silent and you just couldn’t take it anymore. 

“I got Milo and Coolie some cute toys I thought they’d like. They’re wrapped under the tree for when you see Brock next,” you offered. He just grunted in response and you sighed a little. 

“Did Petey say what he was doing for the holiday break?” You asked, turning slightly to see his face better but the frown never left his face.

“No.”

“Oh, Holly sent us their family Christmas card, they all look so nice. Did you see them?”

“No.”

You took a pause. “Did you want to see?”

“No.” 

You pursed your lips, sighed a little, and sunk further into the seat, looking out the window so he didn’t see how his behaviour was affecting you. 

When he pulled into your parents driveway, you could see all the bright yellow lights and your family already sitting in the living room with smiles on their faces. Usually, a sight like this would make you excited to bolt out of the car and be in the warm familiar house. This time, it only filled you with dread, having to pretend your relationship was okay, and you sighed for the last time. 

“That’s the third time you’ve sighed like that,” He said, unbuckling his seatbelt. Oh so now he was attentive? Sure. “What’s up?”

“It’s nothing, let’s go.”

“It’s not nothing, what’s the matter?”

“Q, can we not do this right now? My family is waiting on us and I don’t want either of us to be grumpy. Let’s just try to make it to Christmas please,” you grumbled. He just grunted and got out of the car, his door slamming behind him. You took a deep breath before exiting the car yourself. At least he’d been bothered to wait for you before walking up to your parents’ house. 

But when your dad opened the door, it was like a switch was flipped. Your boyfriend smiled, shook your dad’s hand, and passed the gift (that you were a little confused on where it came from since you hadn’t bought it — and you did the holiday shopping for the both of you) to your mom. 

He sat on the couch with his arm draped around your shoulders. He brought you a drink in your favourite mug without asking. He held your hand and caressed the back of your hand when your dad brought up a work project that frustrated you. There would be times when you were talking to your sister and his arm would rest on your thigh and you’d forget about everything that happened before and just relish in his love. But as soon as it moved, the cold seeped in and you were reminded that this was not the regular anymore – this was a one-off and only a matter of time before it wasn’t there at all.  

“Y/n, honey, could you help me in the kitchen really quick?” You mum asked.

“Yeah, sure. Be right back, Q.” You started to get up from your place on the couch but Quinn leaned over, quickly giving you a peck on the cheek. 

“Hurry back babe.” He winked, throwing you a little off-guard. This was like the Quinn you knew, but where has he been the past four months? You walked into the kitchen, ready to help your mom but she was ready with questions.

“Is everything okay sweetheart?” Fuck fuck fuck. You tried to give her your best confused face instead of the panic in your mind that she saw right through your facade. 

“Yeah, why do you say that?” 

“You just look a little down,” she said, rubbing your arm lightly. “Even with that boy so nice to you, you just don’t look super happy. And it’s Christmas! Is everything going okay with him? He’s not too busy with work, is he?”

“No, Mom, he’s fine,” you lied. “We’re fine, thank you for checking.” 

“Well, if you say so sweetheart. There’s no shame in breaking it off with this hockey boy so you can have something where you’re happier.” 

You swallowed a lump in your throat. “I’m going to be right back.”

“Don’t go anywhere! I’m making hot chocolate with marshmallows before the board game,” she called after you, seemingly aware that she sent you into a tailspin. 

“I’ll just be a minute, you can get started without me.” You were already halfway down the hallway by the time you said it, your focus on nothing but getting out of the room. 

You walked out the back deck, taking in the night sky and silence. You took deep breaths. It just didn’t make sense. How could he just think that nothing is wrong in front of your family? Act so carefree so easily? You were struggling to even smile at his gestures, wondering what got into him to act like his old self and your mom noticed. She noticed and basically told you to break up with him, so nonchalantly, like she’d never taken your relationship seriously. 

“Hey. Here.” His voice interrupts your racing mind and you turn around to face him. In his hands is the hoodie he keeps in the car in case you get cold, outstretched to you. You suddenly are aware of the goosebumps all over your arms and how you could see your breath. You take it and pull it over your head as Quinn walks closer to be beside you. 

“What’s wrong?”

You scoff. “What's wrong?”

“Yeah, you never miss out on a hot chocolate, especially not with the marshmallows. What’s wrong?” He didn’t seem to have caught onto the slight edge in your voice, and you dropped the attitude. 

“If I’m honest, it’s us,” you huffed. 

“Us?” You could see the furrow in his eyebrows even if you weren’t looking at him. “We’re fine, aren’t we?”

“For the past two hours when we’ve been in front of my family, sure. But even my mom noticed I’m not really happy. In two hours, my mom saw what you couldn’t in months! Q, it’s been weeks since we’ve been really fine. Weeks. We are not fine! There’s all this distance between us, even when you’re sleeping right beside me! When was the last time we went out on a date? When’s the last time you even had time for a date? Time for me? We haven’t talked about anything other than hockey and my job for what feels like months!“

He goes to open his mouth but you cut him off. “And I know, I know, it’s winter, this is how you get. But it’s not. Quinn, I’ve been around enough to know what it’s like in the winter but this is something else. You give me one word answers, you’re shutting me out. I can’t even remember the last time you said you loved me. It’s fucking different and I’m so so close to saying fuck it and throwing the towel in!” 

“Then why didn't you? Why did you invite me here?”

“Because it’s Christmas! Because I’m an idiot! Because I’m not ready to give up on you! Because I keep thinking that this is just a bump in the road and one day, we’ll feel like us again, just like we did in there! Because if you didn’t come, my dad would give me such a look of pity at the empty chair beside me and my mom would tell my sister “I told you so” when she has evidence you’re too busy for me. And on Christmas? I…I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it. Break up with me on Boxing Day, but can we please just make it through Christmas?”

“Wait, break up? Who said anything about a break up?”

“Isn’t that what you’ve been wanting to do? Why else have you been so distant these past few months, so engrossed in your phone?” You said, crossing your arms across yourself and looking down at your feet. 

“I’ve been trying to propose.”

You stared at him blankly. “To me?”

“No, to Brock. Yes, of course to you.”

Your mouth hung open in shock. “You’re joking.”

“I wouldn’t joke about this.”

“I’m not following,” you said, genuinely confused. Where was this coming from?

“This isn’t how I wanted to tell you all this, but you remember that night out on the lake in July? When we went out and watched the sunset and you told me you could do this for the rest of your life?” You nodded.

“That’s when I knew I wanted to marry you. So I started looking at rings, asking some of the married guys for advice, that sort of stuff. But when I went to my mom to ask for her help picking out a ring, she…she just seemed surprised that I didn’t know what you wanted. I went through your jewelry box and everything but I still couldn’t figure it out. So I started to think that maybe I didn’t know you as well as I needed to before we got married.” He looked down at his feet as he started shuffling them side to side. 

“And then when I asked your parents about marriage, your dad didn’t look very impressed with me. Like they said fine, but they didn’t seem over the moon that I was going to be the one asking. That’s why I acted so different in there. I…I didn’t want your parents to think they made a mistake by telling me yes. I guess that all of that just made me feel really insecure about me and this lifestyle that threatens to move us across the country in one second! I was insecure in our relationship, convincing myself that you and your family wanted no part in being part of the league, part of the drama, the chaos. Believe me, you’re the last person I ever want to hurt and I was just too much in my own head to see how it was hurting you, and baby, please, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I-“ he cut himself off. “I can’t believe I let myself get so caught that you don’t remember I love you. Because I do. I love you a lot. A whole fucking lot, I can’t even explain it. I want to marry you, please, I don’t want to break up.” He made eye contact with you then, his brown orbs void of anything but sorrow. 

You felt your own eyes welling up but you had to get it all off your chest before consoling him. “Why didn’t you just talk to me about this?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t want you to tell me our parents were right. I thought if I kept it to myself, you wouldn’t notice how I might not be enough for you.” 

The tears that had welled in your own eyes started to fall and there were no words coming to mind that could do your feelings justice. Instead, you wrapped your arms around his neck fiercely. His arms wrapped around your waist with as much ferocity and one of your hands held the back of his head. 

“Not enough for me? You are everything,” you whispered into his ear. 

“Don’t quote The Office to me.” His voice was muffled by your shoulder but you could hear the slight smile in it. 

“Q, I don’t care what my parents said. I don’t care that you don’t know what ring I would want – I don’t even know what kind of ring I’d want! I don’t care about any of that; I care about you. I love you. And you are enough. You are all that matters to me.” 

He pulled away from you, slowly, to see your face but his body stayed as close to you as possible. 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve someone as good as you.” Your face softened. One of your hands moved to cup his cheek and he leaned into your touch. 

“It doesn’t matter. You have me. But the next time you feel like this you have to talk to me, okay? I was absolutely miserable when you wouldn’t communicate with me and I thought you didn’t…”

“Believe me, I’m never again going to let you believe, even for a second, that I don’t love you with every fiber in my body. I’ll talk with you next time,” he promised, pressing a long kiss to your temple and pulling him towards you again. “Now, you’re freezing and look desperately in need of a hot chocolate, so let’s get you inside.” 

As the two of you walked back towards your parents place, hand in hand, you turned to look at him. 

“Oh, and by the way, my answer is yes,” you said.

“Answer to what?”

“When you ask me to marry you. My answer is yes and it will always be yes.” His face softened and he slowly turned you to face him. His fingers, although cold, cupped your face and he brought you in for a slow kiss, dragging it out for as long as he could. 

“I love you,” He said breathlessly, a sliver of light reaching his eyes again. “I love you so much.” 

You gave him another quick peck, before leaning into his chest for a hug. 

“I love you too, Q.”

taglist (join here): @heatherawoowoo @4ambagelbites @typical-simplelove @2manytabsopen @stars-canucks @lorrmorr @fallinallincurls @plds2000 @barzysandhughesbaby @yummygoldenfood @drei-mrssvechii @bananarantanen @pulpfixion

[tlou-reid]

The Show Must Go On - Stick Season

♡ DISCLAIMER: this story deals with heavy, dark, and triggering themes. warnings will be included on each chapter. this story is 18+, minors do not interact. (also i can not guaranteed my timeline is exactly right but i am doing my best)

♡ DISCLAIMER: i am incapable of writing songs so reader's music will all be from noah kahan's stick season. songs used in each chapter will be linked at the beginning, and the character is inspired by the story he creates throughout the album.

♡ WARNINGS: alcohol consumption, takes place in a bar, jesse and ellie get drunk, ellie being a Simp

♡ fem!musician!reader x ellie williams (eventually)

❥ prologue ❥ next part

“Come on, Ellie,” Joel rushed her out the door, lightly pushing her back, “I thought you’d be excited for this.” It was Ellie’s 18th birthday, something she’d been looking forward to since they can came to Jackson. And honestly, Joel was excited too. While there was no official set of laws, it was general knowledge that you had to be 18 to be able to go into the Tipsy Bison and have a drink. Joel was excited to see Ellie in this kind of environment, and he couldn’t wait to embarrass her in front of everyone.

“Dina and Jesse are gonna meet us there, right?” Ellie asked, making sure she’d get to spend her birthday with her best friends. Joel nodded yes, and they continued their trek to the bar.

The saloon-esque doors opened and Dina and Jesse’s hands shot in a wave to Joel and Ellie almost immediately. Sitting along with them was Tommy and Maria. Ellie smiled at her found family and raced over to them. Joel could only chuckle as he followed behind. A few other people were there, acquaintances of the groups. They all cheered for Ellie, wishing her a collective happy birthday.

It wasn’t until she reached her friends when Ellie noticed the music. She followed the sound to the small stage set up in the very back of the bar, where her eyes on landed on you. She paused for a second to listen. This wasn’t one of the songs she’d ever heard on the radio, or even had on cassette to listen to. You went into the next verse and she stopped to listen to the words you were singing.

“So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad, that I could cancel out the darkness I’ve inherited from dad.” She noticed how beautiful you looked with your eyes closed and a slight smile on your face as you continued your song, “No, I am no longer funny, cause I miss the way you laugh. Once called me forever now you still can’t call me back.”

You and Ellie made eye contact as your eyes opened for the chorus. The strums of your guitar after each line made Ellie smile, and, much to your amusement, she was nodding her head along. “And I love Vermont but it’s the season of the sticks and I saw your mom, but she forgot that I existed…”. Joel tapped her shoulder, making her reluctantly take her attention off of you. Behind her back, Dina was smirking at Ellie’s reaction to the singer.

“So what are we drinking?” Joel asked, excited to give her what he thought was her first drink. “Hamblen whiskey,” Ellie answered with a proud smile on her face. “How the hell do you know what that is?” Joel asked as he waved the bartender over. Ellie just answered with another smile, before turning to her friends.

“Who is that?” Ellie asked, gesturing to where you were finishing up your song on the stage. Jesse told her your name, and explained how you sang here on Fridays, and how often Seth complained about it. “It brings more people in, so he puts up with it.” Jesse finished with. “Why have I never seen her before?” Ellie inquired.

“You guys kinda run on opposite schedules, like with patrol and stuff.” Jesse explained. “And she kinda keeps to herself. She writes music, the songs she sings are hers. Her and Michael are good friends, they’re patrol partners most of the time.” Dina added on while Joel passed Ellie her drink. It was definitely not the whiskey she asked for, but it was alright.

“Thank you guys! See you next week!” You announced as you pulled your guitar off your shoulders. Ellie couldn’t help but watch as you rested it on a stand, presumably for you to grab when you leave. Much to her surprise, you started making your way towards her and her group. Her eyes raced up and down your body, unabashedly checking you out as you came over.

“I heard it was your birthday,” you smiled at her, “why don’t you let me buy you a shot to celebrate?” Ellie was dumbfounded. She was sure her mouth was hanging open, as if she been approached by a celebrity. She could feel her cheeks warming at your words, already forming a little crush in her own mind. You let out a chuckle when she nodded. “C’mon then,” you reached out towards her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her closer to the bar. Dina and Jesse let out a laugh when you two walked a few steps away. Ellie turned and glared at them over her shoulder.

“I’ve, uh, I’ve never seen you around here,” Ellie started as you flagged down the bartender. “I’m Ellie, I’ve only lived in Jackson for a few years now.” She was proud of herself, the way she could form an introduction. You introduced yourself, telling her your name. “I sing here every week, you’ve never come in before. I would’ve noticed a pretty girl like you.” Once again, she was at a loss for words. When your attention turned away from her to tell the bartender what you wanted for the shots, she took the opportunity to check you out again.

Ellie couldn’t deny how attracted she was to you already. Up close she could see every detail that was hidden from her when you were on the stage. She could see the necklace that dangled from the way you leant over the bar, the small freckles that spread across your cheeks, the chipped paint on your fingernails that shined in the light as you waved to the bartender. She was so enthralled by you, she didn’t even have the chance to wonder how you got nail polish in a literal apocalypse. All of your little details had her memorized all the way through. She could feel her head getting lighter, her heart beating fast, her pussy getting wetter, and her fingers tapping harder against her thigh.

“Yeah, I just turned 18, Joel said I had to wait to come hang out here.” You laughed as you handed her the shot. “So this is your first shot?” You asked. She nodded. “Okay, let’s get to it then.” She nodded again, watching you and following your actions as she took her first shot. Her face winced up at the taste. “What is this?” She asked, reaching for the drink Joel had given her. “I don’t know, I asked the bartender for the nastiest shit they have. It’s a rite of passage.” You laughed and she flipped you off, very quickly, from behind her glass.

“You didn’t even react!” Ellie squealed, still trying to recover from the taste. She wasn’t sure if it was the nastiness of the alcohol that raised her voice two octaves, or if it was how close you were standing to her. “Oh,” you laughed, “I don’t drink. I told him to put a little bit of water in my shot glass.” Ellie’s mouth dropped, “that’s not fair!” You laughed, the sound filling her chest with warmth.

“It looks like the party’s over here!” Jesse yelled, slurring his words a bit. His arms wre thrown around yours and Ellie’s shoulders, as Dina laughed behind him. Ellie rolled her eyes at his interruption. “Ellie, this is y/n. Y/n, Ellie’s been checking you out since we came in!” Jesse drunkenly rambled. Ellie’s face was heating up again as your gaze turned to hers. “Is that so?” You asked with a smirk gracing your beautiful face. Ellie couldn’t tell if she was embarrassed or turned on. “Well, the feeling is mutual.” You said with a wink, before pushing Jesse’s arm off of your shoulder, “I’ll see you guys around, I’ve gotta get the stage cleaned up before the bartenders shift switches. Happy birthday, Ellie.”

And just as quickly as you’d shown up, you were gone. Ellie turned to socialize with her group, letting everyone wish her happy birthday and buy her a few drinks. Her eyes kept drifting to the stage, where you were organizing everything on it, and putting your guitar into its case. She was unaware of the way your eyes drifted to her, checking her out as well.

“Jesse,” Ellie slurred later in the night. Jesse was half-conscious, drunkenly stooped over a table in the bar. Most of the people had left, leaving a few stragglers and Ellie’s group. Dina was the most sober, taking care of everyone. Tommy and Maria had retired home, calling it a night. Joel was sat in the corner, sipping on a drink and keeping an eye on the kids. “I need a favor.” Ellie finished. Jesse let out a disgruntled groan, not excited about the sound of her voice in his ear. “I need to be put on patrol with y/n. You gotta be a wingman here.” Jesse let out another groan, one that seemed to be of agreement.

Later in the night, as Joel helped Ellie stumble into her bed, all she could think about was you. She’d never had such a crush on someone who was relatively a stranger. She’d never been approached by anyone, let alone someone who was so confident and seemed to be interested in her. All she could do as she passed out from the amount of alcohol in her system, was hope and pray that Jesse would remember the agreement he’d made. All she wanted to do was see you again.

Unfortunately, that didn’t last long for Ellie. In the morning, her focus was entirely on the pounding headache and upset stomach she was nursing. This was her first hangover, so she laid around most of the day. Until Dina came knocking on her door. “Els,” Dina shouted, making Ellie groan, “come on, let’s go get the kids all set up.”

Ellie had totally forgotten she was movie duty tonight, taking care of the children and setting up the film with Dina. With a groan, she got up to open the door. Dina yelled out something along the lines of, “you’re not even dressed!”, but Ellie was too focused on shushing her to really understand what she said. Ellie got herself together as quickly as possible before heading to the community center to set the movie and snacks up.

When she passed the stables, she saw your figure emerging. You guys held eye contact for a second, and you brought your hand up to wave at her. Ellie’s cheeks flushed a shade of pink as she smiled and waved back. Dina chuckled from next to her. “You like her? For real?” Dina asked, not in a teasing tone. She was asking if Ellie liked her, or if she was just attracted to her. “I don’t really know her.” Ellie answered, ever the mysterious type. “But you want to?” Dina didn’t miss the rosy blush that reappeared on Ellie’s cheek, despite her silence following the question.

Luckily for the girls, Jesse had shown up and started getting things together. Dina helped seat the kids as Ellie went to set up the film. Soon, everything was running smoothly, and the three were standing in the back of room. “Jesse,” Ellie whispered, leaning into his side, “do you remember the deal we made yesterday?” Jesse’s eyebrows furrowed, answering her question without saying anything. “The girl, the uh, the singer from last night,” Ellie nervously started. What if he made fun of her for asking? What if he ran off and told her that she asked for this favor?

“Could you maybe, uhm, set us up on patrol together?” She finished. Jesse’s face broke out in a smile, “yeah, of course. I’m a great wingman. It’ll just be a while, the schedule’s made for like two weeks or something. You’ll have to go on a night patrol, since that was she does. You think Joel will let you?”

Ellie didn’t know how to say, ‘I don’t really give a damn what Joel has to say about it, I’m going on that fucking patrol’ without sounding like an asshole. Instead she said, “yeah, I’ll make it work. Just make it happen for me.”

The night passed and Ellie made sure to follow-up with Jesse almost everyday until he confirmed that they were scheduled together for 15 days out. Ellie marked the date in her journal, outlining it with little hearts.

[jakekiszkasleftnutsack]

Insomnia

Josh Kiszka x f!reader

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

Summary: It’s challenging to maintain the status quo when on tour with your best friend and his rowdy band of brothers, and shacking up has brought about its fair share of speed bumps. 

Warnings: 18+ GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, swearing, Sammy slander, bottom!josh, unprotected sex, somnophilia if you squint, fingering, teasing, desperation, a little fluff on top

W/c: 4.2k

A/n:  This one shot is brought to you by this little request from a thousand years ago sorry, anon come get yo juice.  Love you all so much, thank you for your support and keep those requests coming!

Edited by the ever fabulous @gretasamfeettt

Theme Song: Sleep Walk - Deftones 

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

Knock, knock

You rap your knuckles quick and quiet against the unnaturally thick hotel room door.

“Josh!” You whisper in the harsh fashion of a scream. “Josh, it’s me, let me in!”

Normally you wouldn’t be bothering him this way since he’s very insistent on getting enough rest before show days, but in your current situation, you’re not exactly left with an array of options. 

You’re standing barefoot in the hotel hallway clutching your bag to your pajama-clad chest. Strands of damp, stringy hair stick to your cheeks. Small beads of water drip onto your oversized t-shirt and the plush carpet below. 

Knock, knock, knock

He’d only resigned to his room a little under an hour before you, you can’t imagine he’s already asleep.

“Josh, please wake up!” A bit more urgently this time. 

When the door finally cracks open and your half-naked, groggy looking best friend blinks at you with the most disdainful expression you’ve ever seen, guilt instantly washes over you.

“I’m so so sorry, I know you said you wanted to turn in early but I didn’t know what else to do I just panicked! Sam came back, he just…” The word vomit rockets out of you a pitch or two higher than your normal speaking voice.

He listens wordlessly with narrowed eyes, from either contempt or the bright hallway lights, you’re not sure which. As he takes in the sight of you, disheveled and frantic, his expression shifts to a sort of concerned fear.

“Woah woah, y/n what the fuck? Are you okay?” He interrupts you mid-sentence, something he only does to you when trying to prompt you to arrive at your point.  

Forcing yourself to take a deep breath for his sake and that of the situation that's found you still standing outside Josh’s door with no shoes, your next sentence is quite a bit calmer.

“I’m fine… Can I please stay in here tonight?” 

“Are you kidding?” He opens the door wider so he can slip into the hall to wrap an arm around your shoulders and usher you into the room. “Tell me what happened.” 

The room is shrouded in darkness as he helps you find the edge of the bed, and once you’re sat where he deems you safe he flicks on one of the bedside lamps attached to the wall nearby. He situates himself at your side, cross legged and facing you so he can take your hand in his. Eyes wide but oh so soft, his expression coaxes you into a state of comfort while also preparing for the worst. 

“Y/n, please tell me what the fuck is going on so I can decide whether I need to knock my baby brother’s teeth in.”  

“Calm down, it’s not like that.” You huff an exasperated giggle, because of course he would find a way to make you laugh. Even though you know he’s only half joking.  “I told you I’m fine, he’s just a menace.”

“What else is new?” He snorts flatly, followed by what you think he might have intended to be a subtle eye roll. Ignoring him, you toss aside an eye roll and proceed. 

“After you left we had another round, but then Jake and Danny wanted to keep going and Sam was talking to some girls, and I was tired so I just went back to my room.” Josh nods along, listening to every word carefully with knitted brows. “When I got back I wanted to shower, I was in there for like.. 10 minutes, until Sam was banging on my door. He had his arm around one of those girls from the bar and was begging me to switch rooms so he could ‘do the dirty’” you made exaggerated quotes in the air with your fingers, “his words not mine.”

He raises his eyebrows at you in delighted confusion. “And why didn’t you tell him to fuck off?” 

“He said he lost his room key.. I just let them in so they weren’t standing in the hall while I put my clothes on, I left them alone for two seconds and they were already making out on the bed!” You’re talking with your hands so animatedly that he watches them fly about with a smirk, it’s a habit of his own that you subconsciously picked up after spending years around him. 

“Okay, okay, but I still don’t get how you wound up at my door.” He bites his lip to stifle his laughter. The weight of the situation isn’t lost on him, but he’s always finding ways to rile you up and poke a bit of fun, you being so organically frazzled probably has him beyond tickled now that he realizes you were never hurt or in danger.  

“I wasn’t about to stick around and watch, Joshua.” He loses his composure at the shrill of your berating tone when you punctuate his name, but you can’t help but chuckle right along. Though you feel foolish, you can’t ignore just how outrageous the whole ordeal probably sounds to him.  

“Can’t say I blame you there.” He wipes a tear from the corner of his eye. “Remind me to tease dear Samuel in the morning, I’m not letting either one of you live this down.”

You jut out your lower lip in a puppy dog pout instead of answering. Though you know he’s trying to make light of Sam and his tomfoolery, the embarrassment that should be all his sits here on your cheeks. Sam would be getting the brunt of the jokes as soon as he’s not underneath his special friend, but still. 

“Y/n, you are the worst negotiator I’ve ever met…” He trails off and shakes his head while searching your pouting features. The corner of his mouth quirks up but he otherwise looks on, it seems like he’s lost in thought, or maybe reading some fine print that’s shown up on your face. It’s safe to assume he’s just trying to hold back all the jokes swimming around in his little Joshua brain that are too harsh to say out loud. 

Josh isn’t known for his self-restraint when it comes to keeping his thoughts to himself, but he’s always been a little more considerate of you and your feelings than he is with his brothers. For that, you’re grateful.

His phone rumbles against the bedside table disturbing his train of thought, you can see from the lit-up screen that he has a text from Danny. When he leans over to retrieve it you take the opportunity to find reprieve in the bathroom.

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You puff your cheeks and sigh at your reflection as you stand in front of the mirror. There’s makeup still smudged under your eyes from your shower, your hair has halfway dried in the air making the top frizzy from not being properly treated. The shoulders of your oversized band shirt soaked from where your damp hair sat atop them.

What a fucking headache, you think, as you promise yourself you’ll beat Sam’s skinny ass into next week.

You contemplate whether you could take him in a fight while you turn on the faucet to splash some cold water on your face. Blindly grasping, you reach for the closest towel and use it to wipe the sludge from under your eyes. Slowly, you’re starting to look less unhinged. You flip your hair over and use the towel to dry the ends as much as you can manage, there was no time to blow dry or run any product through it when your nighttime routine had been so rudely interrupted.

Opting not to sleep in wet clothes, you strip off your top and discard it on the floor since you have neither the care nor the energy to fold it neatly. You snatch up a white t-shirt of Josh's that had met the same fate as yours earlier in the night. It fits you mostly fine, apart from your tits filling out the chest. The fabric lies taut against them, and the color of your nipples slightly shows through when you check yourself out in the mirror. Paired with your barely there checkered shorts that allow your ass to peek out the back, you’re barely dressed. 

Fuck it, it is what it is. You regard yourself before stepping back out into the room.

Still palming your hair through what was obviously meant to be Josh’s bath towel, you glance around taking in the room for the first time. The white light cast from the lamp barely reaches halfway across the room, but it’s enough to reveal his suitcase open and slightly picked through at the edge of the bed near where you had dropped your bag carelessly on the floor. The once pristine hotel sheets are drawn back and crumpled, confirming your suspicions that he was already tucked in when you arrived, maybe lightly snoozing with heavy eyelids. An image of the scene playing through your mind pangs that sliver of guilt again that you’re probably inconveniencing him. He would never admit something like that, even if it were true. 

Josh is still cross legged on the bed and immersed in his phone, but something else piques your interest, replacing your previous thought almost entirely. Though Josh’s bed is slept-in, the identical one beside it is entirely undisturbed. Jake still hasn’t returned.

“What do the boys have to say?” You inquire about the text he seems very invested in typing out.

“Hmm?” He hums in response before looking up to where you stand in front of him. Almost as soon as he looks up from the screen, his eyes nearly fall out of his head when he makes direct eye contact with your chest. 

He clears his throat. “I see you changed”

“Yeah, my shirt was pretty wet.” You bite your lip when his eyes linger a bit too long. 

Josh has only looked at you like this a handful of times, in the way he knows he shouldn’t, in the way that friends just don’t look at their friends. Even though he’s only ever dared to look when he thought you were too distracted to notice, you’ve noticed his eyes on you when they should be elsewhere. But this? There’s no escape from this stare down for either of you, and it’s forcing you to look down the barrel of a gun that’s been pointed at you for years.  

“Would you like to borrow my shirt?”

You could pretend not to notice, possibly ignore the situation entirely just as you’ve already done once or twice.  

But where’s the fun in that?

“Yes Joshy, may I pweeeeeease borrow your shirt?” Hopping onto the bed next to him to sit on your knees, a little too exaggerated so your tits bounce more than necessary, you flash your sweetest smile.  

He swallows hard, unable to stop his eyes from losing their focus on your face, but recovers fast. “Of course you can, thank you for asking me first.” 

“You’re more than welcome, dickhead.” You snap back in your best sticky sweet yet sarcastic voice and purse your lips teasingly for good measure.

You’d be lying if you said you had never thought about Josh that way, the idea of him being so desperate to be near you is more than enough to ignite your mischievous side. Without directly asking him there’s no way to be completely sure of your hunch, but you know he’d forgive you if you were wrong.

Bringing the topic back around to your earlier question that he had curved, or maybe forgotten about entirely, you gesture to Jake's empty bed. “Where are the guys? That was Danny, right?”

“Oh yeah, yeah, um-“ He looks away, jostling his curls in the process, and hits the lock button on his phone before setting it facing down on the bedside table. “He just said not to wait up, Jake jumped on stage with the cover band at the bar so they might be out for a while still.”

“Hmm figures, okay.  We should get some rest, you guys have a big day tomorrow.” You can’t help but roll your eyes at the thought of Jake’s ego.  Deciding not to take up any more of Josh's night, you move to make your way over to Jake’s empty bed, but he places a hand on your arm to stop you.  

“Ya know, we should- maybe we should leave Jake’s bed open for him, just in case…” You stare back at him blinking, processing his words and apprehensive expression.  The timid nature he’s using to reach out to you is so unlike Josh, always the confident one. He almost seems embarrassed to be asking.  “...If he stumbles back in here drunk I’d rather have you a safe distance from the fallout.”

You crack a smile. “Okay Josh, for safety.” Your eyes briefly lock before returning to where you previously were sitting.

You clamber up to the head of Josh’s bed and situate yourself under the white sheets as he slides in next to you. The two of you had slept in the same bed plenty of times, so there’s nothing out of the ordinary about it. A platonic sort of intimacy has always existed between you, Josh is very passionate, but you’re in uncharted territory now.  

Somehow, in some way, Josh wants you and there’s no telling where this new development is going to lead.

He flicks off the light, leaving you in pitch darkness when he settles fully into bed. It’s a modestly sized queen, in true hotel fashion so it seems almost accidental when you adjust your position to nudge your backside into him. Your bodies are so ridiculously close without actually touching that you might be sharing a pillow by default. You throw a careless glance over your shoulder to find Josh's hand has been evicted from its resting place and is now hovering somewhere over your waist by default, rigid and unsure of where it belongs.  

“Are you comfortable?” He asks in a jokingly mocking voice. 

“Almost. You can touch me if you want to.” Like a scared animal he relaxes into you, his hand settles just above your hip and brushes over a small section of skin your shirt doesn’t quite cover.

Despite your fight to keep your eyelids from closing, the comforting scent and warmth of the bed welcome you into a dreamless sleep.  

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

A muffled sound brings you to a hazy state of consciousness. It takes you a moment to come to, but it’s accelerated by a nearly imperceptible rocking motion whose origin you can’t quite discern. The sound repeats, coming from Josh who is stirring behind your back. 

“Um, y/n?” His voice is shaking. 

“Hmm? Everything okay?” Your tone is sweet and melodic, ignorant of the position he’s put you in. Closing the gap between your bodies, you adjust the smallest bit to investigate and firmly socket your backside against him in the process. At the same time, a carnal groan escapes him. Being that you’re still half asleep, the sound throws you off, almost frightening you.  

What’s wrong? Is Josh hurt?

It’s then that he freezes, going stiff as a board when he realizes his mistake, and you realize that Josh has an iron grip on your hip and a fully erect cock nestled between your legs. 

“Oh, god.. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have woken you.. I-I don't know what I was thinking. I’m sorry doll, please go back to sleep.” That panicked voice is back, so sad and filled with shame, you hate hearing it. You hate it so much that you want him to lock it in a box and throw it into the sea. 

He shouldn’t be this scared of me.

“No, no it’s okay, keep going.” You place your hand over his before he can pull it away and guide it across your skin, helping him map the various dips and textures. Underneath the light fabric of your top, his soft hand eventually wanders on its own to find the swell of your breast.

He squeezes carefully at first, testing the waters with increasing intensity, and haphazardly circles his thumb over your nipple, sending shivers and goosebumps all over you as your nerves come alive. You whimper, causing him to freeze yet again.

“Are you sure about this?”

So apprehensive, so worried that he’s offended you, but you know the greedy truth lurking right behind the wall he’s put up to keep you safe. 

“Aren’t you?” Maintaining your position, you slide your tiny shorts down your legs, and barely seconds later he resumes pleasuring himself against you. He moves his free hand from pinching your sensitive nipples down your stomach and into your panties to experiment with the slick that’s grown there.  

“That’s right, good boy.” You rotate your own hips in tandem with his movements so his fingers catch on your clit with each circular motion. 

“Jesus.. fuck. I want you, mama.” 

Something about the way he said it, could have been the pleading desperation in his voice, the hungry bucking of his hips against your ass, or even the way his panting breaths have been radiating over you, but something tells you that what he really meant to say was ‘I fucking need you more than I need air to breathe, and I need you now’.

“Fucking A, Joshua.” You sit up and throw the thin blanket to the side, allowing you to rise to your knees and push him onto his back. There’s no version of this encounter where you’d let him shy away from the reality of it. Everything is out in the open between you, similar to his beautiful exposed cock that’s only visible because your eyes have adjusted to the darkness. You’ve seen it before circumstantially, but years ago when you were both very young. It’s smoother, and much prettier now that he’s done some growing.

Situating yourself over him, you let his member fall flat against his abdomen.  You lower your sopping pussy to grind against it, letting it slot itself between your folds through the delicate lace and Josh’s noises of protest. 

“Come on, Mama.” 

When you divert your gaze to him rather than his cock, ready to scold him for whining, you’re face to face with each other for the first time since falling asleep in his arms. It’s perplexing seeing something so familiar through a different lens, and it’s written all over your faces like a small child seeing Christmas lights for the first time, alert and full of curiosity.

Just above those baby cow eyes, small beads of sweat appear on his brow and his moans have become decidedly more agitated, proving to you that he’s earned his reward. You pull your soaked panties to the side for him but remain hovering just out of reach. “Alright. If you want it so bad, take it.”

He double takes between your face to your cunt like he’s expecting you to cover yourself and say you’re just kidding with him, but when you don’t he accepts your words like a challenge.

Taking himself in his hand, he lines up with your core, only the very tip reaches far enough to dip slightly past the entrance. After so much anticipation he slides in with ease, just a slight lift and he’s falling apart underneath you. He stabilizes himself by holding onto your hips while he brings his own up to meet them. Your moans begin to match his with each powerful thrust straight to your center, and before long he’s struggling to maintain his composure. The pace dissipates, half thrusts start nudging your g-spot as the head slides back and forth stretching your walls. 

“I can’t- I’m gonna cum.” He throws his head back on the pillow with his confession, and you can feel him start to tense as you tighten around him.   

In one final act of mercy, you take over and ride him for a few pumps until your pulsating walls are milking hot ropes of cum from his cock. Even as he doubles over and pulls himself from you, one last shot lands on your own dripping sex. Immediately he reaches for your shirt, pulls it over your head, and uses it to clean up his mess from everywhere it may have landed. 

“I didn’t need the shirt anyway.” You joke as he balls it up and tosses it somewhere on the floor to be thrown in the trash in the morning. He rolls his eyes and pulls you onto his chest while reaching for the blanket to cover your naked bodies. 

“You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that.” He sighs and pulls you down to perfectly settle against his skin. 

“Well.. I have a pretty good idea.”

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

The sun shone through a slit that the curtains failed to cover directly onto your eyes, slowly bringing you out of a heavy but peaceful slumber. Josh is tucked neatly against your back, arm draped over your waist and one leg tangled between yours. A smile creeps its way onto your face at the position, he always was the cutest sleeper.  

As carefully as you can, you lift the sheet and attempt to shimmy your way out of his grasp. He stirs anyway, and you immediately settle back into his touch, turning to face him as his eyes flutter open. 

“Good morning, sweet girl.” He mumbles almost incoherently, closing his eyes again in favor of the darkness. 

“Good morning, baby. Last night was not very ‘just friends’ of us, was it?” You tease through your smile. 

“What ever do you mean? I always fuck the homies goodnight.” He mumbles again sleepily, but his playful inflection matches yours. 

You giggle and place a peck gently on his lips, leading him to pull you tighter against him, humming in a pleased sort of way. You think he might’ve been waiting for physical reassurance from you that everything is fine, that he could touch you the way he wanted because he kisses you again. 

When you both pull away, he smiles and stretches one arm out with a yawn. “What time is it?” 

You shrug and turn towards the nightstand, reaching out for his phone since yours didn’t make the narrow escape from your hotel room. A double tap on the screen reveals the time to be an hour before his alarm is set to go off.  

“Time for a quickie?” He’s lining up sweet slow kisses across your shoulders and back, and you hum agreeing to his proposition.

You let your eyes linger on the screen and bite back a chuckle when you notice his phone background. He must’ve recently changed it from what was a landscape portrait he took during the last tour to a snapshot you recognize as one taken by Jake outside a bar just the other day when the five of you got drunk in a city you’d never been to before. Sam was in the background yelling at something out of the frame while Danny rolled a joint on the curb, Josh sat next to him and you were lying down on the concrete sidewalk with your head in Josh’s lap. You smiled up at the camera, but Josh smiled down at you. His smile seems to hold new meaning now and that thought quickens your heartbeat faster than you can push it away.

A new text comes through his phone, obscuring the memory. It’s from Danny.

‘How’d it go?’

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

thank you for reading 

if you’d like to be notified when i post, please fill out my taglist form

taglist: @starbuckschords @thejussy4 @samkiszkaswhxre @andjoshsaid @countryday @jakeyscakey @gretavanfleas @poofyloofy @jakesfarmerhat @maddie-van-fleet @jordierama @josh-iamyour-mama

[vgperson]

What Did I Do In 2022?

Game Translations That Aren't YTTD: 1. Okay, maybe 1.5.

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First of all, while I didn't add it until later in the year (not entirely unmotivated by the Stability of Platforms), my site now has an RSS feed for notable updates of any kind! I mention this upfront because I'm mostly just going over the things that are already listed there. It currently retroactively covers everything back to 2020, but I might add more past stuff over time so it can better serve as a general "everything I've ever done" page.

In February, I translated Kenshi Yonezu's POP SONG (and an interview). Noel The Mortal Fate Seasons 1-7 also got a revamped version on consoles (Switch, PS4); the console versions include a new Season 3.5 translated entirely by me, and the rest of the seasons have a revised script which is more thoroughly edited by me than even the redone Steam translation was.

In March, the update adding Kai to Your Time To Shine came out. Yes, he is Kai.

In April, I finally finished up my unofficial Japanese translation patch for Petal Crash. たのしいね、クラッシュ！ It actually just got some extra attention after the Petal Crash run for RTA In Japan about two days ago, which is kind of wild. Is this what it's like to be famous...? (clueless)

In May, I translated Kenshi Yonezu's Shin Ultraman theme song M87 (interview, interview), and the coupling song from the single, ETA. And there was an article about the 10th anniversary of his debut!

Also in May, the Ib remake came out on Steam in English! Told you they'd contact me. It was later announced to be coming to Switch, scheduled for March 2023.

In August, Your Turn To Die was announced to be coming to Steam. It's planned for early 2023, but to be clear, it'll release first in Early Access still with no final part, though with some exclusive mini-episodes and character profile sheets. Apparently once that's out, the actual completion is estimated for 6 to 12 months later... but, you know. Estimates are hard.

In September, I put together a guide for and officially "released" my Custom Translation Engine plugin for RPG Maker MV, the one I made for the Ib remake, and back-implemented into Your Turn To Die shortly after I was contacted about it coming to Steam. It's fancy (in-game language switching!), convenient (minimal direct editing of code!), and you can use it for your own translation projects if you want!

In October... well, I didn't do anything new for it, but I'll take credit for The Witch's House MV coming to consoles. (Switch, PS4, Xbox) I also translated everyone's favorite Chainsaw Man opening KICK BACK, associated interviews, and the single's coupling song Y'all Should Be Ashamed.

Finally, in December, after lots of spending my time elsewhere and indecision about how I should go about returning to doing some dang free game translations, I concluded that what I'd really wanted to do all year was translate Uri's PEDESTAL.

I think some people latched onto specific parts of Uri's original explanation for why it wasn't being translated, such as the cultural aspects (I honestly winced at her blunt remark that the story was "no good at all"), but while Uri indeed had those doubts at the time of release, the only real reason it wasn't translated at the time is that I did a less-than-ideal rushed playthrough that slightly hurt my overall impression of its quality, and I felt too busy at the time to work on something with lots of text that was likely to be divisive. So similarly, me finally feeling up to it was the reason it did get translated. I probably should've come back to it quite a bit sooner (after I was made to give up a certain other translation, say), but as I alluded to in last year's post, I was self-conscious about "my big return to free game translations" being something that might not have wide appeal. Uh, glad to be past that, hopefully.

Oh, and ever since finishing PEDESTAL, I've been working on all sorts of overhauls to my site, but like... not the kind that actually majorly changes any part of the visible design and annoys people (and if something did change in an annoying way, it's probably accidental). Some of it's just better consideration of mobile browsing (stuff like images or tables sticking out of bounds at mobile resolutions), or making things more convenient for myself behind the scenes (did you know I made a program to add "br"s to every line of all lyrics content before considering I could just have the page code do that, and also better?).

Some more major observable changes include general renovations to the lyrics page (bigger font size, buttons that hide individual languages to aid in side-by-side comparison), and more convenient navigation of OSTER's tweets, such that I could actually imagine someone reading through them all the way from the start without it being too much of a hassle.

----

While I'm glad to be over the PEDESTAL hump, I don't... necessarily have any definite plans for upcoming free game translations. I mostly just have some stuff on a list that I may have to make myself check out soon enough. Also, Game Atsumaru (which you may know as The Site That Hosts YTTD's Japanese Version) is ending in June??? So uh, might have to accelerate checking out stuff on there, though I guess it depends on how many creators are able to migrate. (Nankidai does plan to put YTTD's Japanese browser version up somewhere else.)

As I mentioned, Your Turn To Die's Early Access release on Steam should be coming up early next year with those mini-episodes and character profiles, and the game might be completed within the year. No promises. I mean, I don't have anything to promise, it's not my game.

Speaking of my game... also no promises. But I'd really like to release one. We'll see what happens. There's also a different kind of original project I recently returned to trying to make real, which could come early in the year, but who knows. As should be apparent, I'm working on a lot of different fronts here, so I frequently feel bad about neglecting such-and-such type of creative work, which sometimes means nothing actually gets done and released. Ultimately, though, it's probably better to follow what I most feel like doing, rather than force focus on one thing and end up not actually getting much done.

Which is to say: hoping to finish something in the new year!

[b0nerf4rt]

BUNK BUDDIES pt1 !

what its like to share a bed w/ the cky crew. platonically ofc 😋. jk.

warnings : swearing, afab!reader

dico, raab, rake, novak, bam, ryan

WARNING : swearing , afab!reader , really bad my b my b

dico :

- forces you to sleep on the floor with him if theres not enough beds left in the hotel room

- cuddles you without asking

- hes very touchy when hes tired

- likes to sleep w his head between your tits 🫢

- out of everyone on this list, hes probably the best to sleep with if you want to actually get rest

- curls up in a ball before he falls asleep, or he cuddles you like your a stuffed animal, and he doesn't let go until he wakes up

- likes to be that small spoon

- will wake you up if he can't sleep and talk about like tomatoes or something

- likes to mess around with your hair

- in the morning, he forces you to get up with him and go down to get breakfast

- will literally jump on you or the bed until you agree to go get breakfast with him

- for some reason he gets like frost bite cold at night

- he like completely latches onto you during the night so he can stay warm

raab :

- dont tell me this man wouldnt fucking snore right in your ear the entire night

- like completely on purpose

- hed situate himself with his wide open mouth that could catch flies as close to your ear as possible

- sometimes he sleeps in the hotel closets and he makes you sleep in there with him. no one knows why he sleeps in the closest.

- i lowkey feel like he brings a stuffed bear with him to the different hotels he stays at, but he keeps it hidden so the other guys dont mess with it

- your the only one who knows about his bear, it's name is reggie

- devious little man made it his mission to make it hard for you to sleep

- from the snoring to him farting in your face when your not paying attention

- but in the morning he brings you coffee and breakfast from the hotel dining room to make up for it

- refuses to let the other guys prank you while you sleep, only he can do that 👿

- tickles you just for funnsies

- turns the tv up to the loudest setting just to listen to the cops theme song, which annoys everyone in the room

- draws on your face with sharpie if you fall asleep before him, and ofc you do the same to him

rake :

- 100% ends up hogging the entire bed and youd wake up with him literally suffocating you because hes laying completely on top of you

- expect to find his hair strands in the most fucking weirdest places

- yknow when you get that one hair you find in your asshole in the shower, yeah, thats rakes

- yawns in his sleep ??

- i also feel like sometimes he falls alseep with his eyes open

- hes like a fucking heater during the night, and it doesnt help that he basically uses you as a mattress

- not much of a cuddler when he sleeps, but he does hog up the entire bed and the blankets

- youd probably fall asleep back to back and wake up with him sprawled completely over you

- he laughs about it when he wakes up, but in all honesty he couldve killed you by suffocation

- and you cant even wake him up when he does this because he sleeps like a fucking log

- sleep walks sometimes, so you have that to look forward to ig

- when he sleep walks he mostly just goes to the kitchen to sleep eat 🧍‍♀️

- one time you took fifty dollars from his wallet while he was asleep and he didnt even notice until the next night, you told him he left it at the hotel until he saw you buying like ten large pizzas for yourself

- after that he slept with his wallet in the pocket of his pajama pants

- sleeps with his socks on 🤮

- hes a fucking diva when hes tired.

novak :

- i feel like he sleeps with sunglasses on. idk why. but you find it fucking weird.

- likes to spoon you. gives you kisses on the back of your neck when he thinks your asleep

- all in friendly fun tho 😸

- makes you check for bed bugs before he even touches the mattress 💀

- he talks in his sleep a lot, like full sentences

- hates it when you touch him with your cold fingers

- late night make our sessions if your up to it

- the other guys in the room dont appreciate it tho

- still all fun and games he says 😸

- scratches your back if you ask for it

- you'll have to slap him sometimes because hes got wandering sleep hands

- doesnt wear pajamas and just sleeps in whatever he was wearing that day

- hogs all the pillows by 'accident'

- sometimes he strangles you in his sleep, also by 'accident'

- purposefully coughs or sneezes on you cuz he thinks its hilarious

- suprisingly not a very heavy sleeper

- very inconsiderate about letting you get to sleep or staying asleep 😒

bam :

- he totally sleeps naked and just becuase your a girl and sharing a bed with him doesnt mean hes going to change that

- hes either naked or falls asleep in his tight jeans

- expect to wake up with him in the most weirdest positions. like laying the opposite direction of how he fell asleep. or his ass up in the air and his face smooshed against the mattress.

- hes not much of a cuddler but sometimes you wake up with his head laying on your stomach

- also dont expect to get much sleep with him, he thrashes around so fucking much

- always gets a bed no matter how many are sleeping in the room because hes a drama queen

- uses your ass as a pillow a lot

- wakes you up by screaming in your ear sometimes, other times he wakes you by giving you kisses behind your ear. its either a nice awakening or a bad one.

- the second his head hits that hotel pillow, hes out like a light, so whatever position he fell asleep in he stays in, its like physically impossible to move him yourself, your just going to have to wait until he thrashes to another position

- tried to suffocate you with a pillow one night just to see your reaction

ryan :

- tries his best to not let the other guys mess with you while you sleep

- literally stays up half the night till the rest of the guys are asleep, watching over you so you wouldnt get pranked

- man is lowkey a gentlemen when it comes to women sleeping

- kisses your temples when your asleep, but only when your asleep

- keeps his distance from you unless you tell him it's okay to sleep next to you

- hes a big sleep cuddler

- so fucking awkward the first time, well it wouldve been awkward for you if you werent so fucking tired

- when you wake up during the middle of the night its probably from ryans beard tickling the back of your neck

- the first time he had to share a bed with you he built a wall of pillows so you wouldnt feel uncomfortable

- which you thought was ridiculous and used the extra pillows that made the wall as something to cuddle

- touches you with his cold feet when your on the verge of falling asleep because he thinks its funny

[whatkeepsmeafloat]

All right, now that all the promotional material is out there (as far as we know), here are my season 2 timeline predictions/expectations. Putting it behind a cut because this is a long one - I just need to get my thoughts out.

Before we jump into my proposed timeline, a note on the character arcs: Stede is free of his past, but now has to wrestle with the present and his romantic expectations vs. the reality of the situation. I think he enters the season full of hope that the worst is behind him and now he’s going to reunite with his love and his crew and they’ll all sail off into the sunset together. Not so much. He is going to have to put in the work - a lot of it. As for Ed, he will go through a ton of emotional turmoil this season around the theme of acceptance and self-actualisation. I think he initially blames everything on Stede, but has some realisations of his own and finds a way to let go of Blackbeard and his own troubled past at last. This is necessary for him to arrive at any kind of forgiveness when it comes to Stede.

It’s only after Ed lets go of some of his baggage and Stede has proven himself that they truly reunite - on equal footing. They may meet up again early on, but no smooches until after some serious character development.

So what do I think the order of events is going to be?

Bearded Stede running down the beach in leather trousers at sunset is absolutely a dream sequence, and my money is on Stede. He's going to have this fantasy about being a dashing rogue swashbuckling his way back into Ed's heart - maybe in slow-motion set to a great song - only for it to cut to him and his crew sleeping on a floor somewhere like a group of miserable wet dogs. Classic gag - it’ll be great. If Blackbeard interrupting the wedding isn't the opening scene, it'll still be in the first episode of the season. Izzy hates how it's all going and tries to talk to Ed about it, but Ed throws a knife at his head and locks himself into the auxiliary closet with the cake figurines. The crew eats the wedding cake and talks about how things are Not Going Well. Stede stares at the wanted poster, Ed stares at the figurine (music plays, of course). Ed has given up - Stede has only become more determined. Somewhere around here is when Stede meets the Prince Ricky character. More on him later. Also, and I’m not sure if this will happen this early on, but after almost getting eaten by Buttons and Roach, the Swede leaves the crew and joins Spanish Jackie’s harem of husbands. She finds herself drawn to his awkward vibe and he likes getting bossed around by a strong woman - we already know that Jackie is the dominant partner in her relationships.

Stede and crew befriend what they think are a group of Chinese merchants, but end up being a band of pirates who have a bone to pick with Blackbeard and want to find him just as badly as Stede does.They’re using Stede to find Blackbeard’s ship, but somehow it all works out. Don’t ask me how. Meanwhile, Jim is bonding with the cool new lady pirate, but still looking for a way to escape and get back to Olu. Fang and Frenchie are concerned as Ed’s behaviour escalates and Izzy loses his leg - whether it's the severed toe or that rogue gunshot, I don't know. When Stede finally catches up with their ship, they use the crossbow to make a zip line between them - finally, the gang is reunited. Perhaps all of this takes place after the storm that we see Ed standing in. He is reckless and gets himself knocked out. Stede insists on bringing him onto their ship as well, even though everyone thinks Blackbeard is going to kill him. Ed wakes up, headbutts Stede, and things are Tense. Stede is his smiling cherub self and assumes they’ll just go back to the way things were. He says all the wrong things, and Ed is having none of it. He tells Stede that he never wants to see him again once they’re back on land. Stede sighs that he should have just told Ed how he felt instead of whatever came out of his mouth - we all cry. The Chinese pirates forget about whatever they wanted from Ed because he is clearly a broken man and there’s nothing to gain here. Maybe Stede’s crew grew on them, like when we see Buttons doing tai chi with them on deck.

Back on land, Ed tries to leave Stede behind, but Stede keeps following him around and popping up all over the place - like at Spanish Jackie’s place and Anne Bonny and Mary Read’s… antique shop? That look on Ed’s face in the trailer reads as “oh god, he’s back again” to me, not like a first meeting. Anne Bonny and Mary Read either gleefully enjoy the drama of it all or have something more nefarious in mind in revenge of Calico Jack. Izzy absolutely loses his leg because of Ed and is patched up by Stede's crew. Roach uses the ship’s unicorn to create a peg leg. It’s humiliating for Izzy, but he has no choice but to accept. He is vulnerable in a way he has never been before, and instead of casting him out the crew is supportive and tries to help him back onto his feet (well, foot and hoof). This makes him reevaluate not only himself but the group and piracy as a whole - think Long John Silver's arc on Black Sails. He will also have to relearn how to fight and handle himself with the peg leg, so I fully expect a Rocky-style training montage including that shirtless candle slicing scene. This newfound sense of community and purpose combined with the knowledge that Ed really was better with Stede drives Izzy to train Stede in the ways of being a pirate. They both grow to respect each other, the fans cry - give me the montage. There might be a storyline where Olu and Jim have to rediscover their relationship after their separation and Jim growing close to the new crew member. I don’t see them breaking up in any way though - just figuring out where they stand now and how they want to move forward. At the end of the episode someone appears on the ship in English navy clothes, and it turns out to be our boy Lucius. Roll credits.

We learn that Lucius was picked up by the English at the end of season one and has integrated himself into the navy, growing a beard and keeping his head down. He has heard some things and has been looking for a way to rejoin the crew and share this knowledge - maybe their new Prince Ricky fan was an undercover English officer this whole time or something. Black Pete is overjoyed and so are we. Meanwhile, Ed tries to find ways to move on and figure out who he is without a crew and without Stede. He finds himself in an isolated location - maybe after washing ashore after a storm, but this is the part that I can’t figure out - where he talks to a rabbit and starts seeing the ghost of Hornigold. Whether he is using drugs, seriously dehydrated, or just lonely and emotionally unstable, I don’t know. Maybe it’s all of the above. Regardless, he has to face his past and deal with his Blackbeard identity. This is his lowest point, and he ends up throwing himself off the cliff with the rock tied around his middle. Maybe he believes it is a way to pay for what he’s done, maybe he can’t imagine a future for himself without Blackbeard looming over him. Either way, he survives somehow and finds a way to work through the trauma and start over - an ocean baptism, if you will. At the end of all of this is when Ed is finally ready to forgive and move forward with Stede. Perhaps he’s just in time to jump into the fray as Stede is battling the English navy.

I don’t know who this Prince Ricky character is, but it seems like he initially meets Stede’s crew while down and out (or pretending to be), gets his nose cut off along the way (presumably by Jackie), and then leads the English in their battle against the pirates. I do know that there is a historical figure who was an English sailor turned pirate who had the nickname “Prince of Pirates” and used to sail with Hornigold and Blackbeard. However, his name was Samuel Bellamy a.k.a. Black Sam. They may play fast and loose with history though and move some things around. It was actually Hornigold who became a pirate hunter for the English in the end, but maybe they’re going to give that storyline to this guy. I’m really curious to see how it’s going to play out. Fighting back is where Lucius really comes in - he has insider information that the crew can use to form a plan.

The torture ship? Drag show? Earring? I have no clue.

Thank you for letting me vent. Place your bets now on how wrong I’ll end up being!

[finleycannotdraw]

why do you think joey and madeleine put Love Run as the intro and didn't give us the full thing until the end of the album? obviously it was cool to open and close on the same song but also what does that say about the theme of the album as a whole? the horror and the wild somehow has a reoccurring theme of "home", and i definitely think that the theme of love run is "different views, wishing for different outcomes", how do you think that relates to the title track?

well I think it’s like a calling to the future, somehow, because even though the whole story of the album has yet to be told, the first track is encouraging you to “run to show that love’s worth running to” from the very beginning and then after everything happens, that’s still what you should do. I also love the lyric “the song you know’s begun” because in the first one it’s probably metaphorical, like we’ve all had to work for something we care about (as opposed to run to show that love’s worth running to) but then in the reprise when they say it, it’s literally the song we know!

and yeah, I think the theme of the album is definitely sorta what you said, but with a bit of “fight for what you care about even if it won’t fight for you,” which I see evidenced in a lot of those songs (“I loved him then I love him still” “I cannot find the words to keep you” “held your hand as you shook in the middle of the night” “never really quite getting the knack of knowing that no one will ever come back for you” “you’re the one who told me my hair looked better black” “if there was one place I could be right now it’d be standing there between you and them” etc etc)

[thewritingsandwich]

The Chiming Lady - Part 6 (Last Part)

A Lockwood & Co. Fan Fiction

Other Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Summary: The agents of Lockwood & Co. are invited to the Halloween-Party of a former client.

A/N: This is the last part of the "filler episode". I hope you enjoyed this series and thank you for all of the support :) <3 I originally wrote this for @ savelockwoodnco on instagram's filler episode theme. But I'm a month too late... anyways this takes place after 'The Empty Grave' but there are no major spoilers for it. Originally I wrote it in german, but I translated it for the internet with the help of DeepL.

Tag List: @ahead-fullofdreams

Warnings: Mentions of injuries, brief mentions of su***de and mu**er

Our plan was probably one of our stupidest, but we didn't have much choice. We carried the rusty ladder up and positioned it in a way that would allow easy access to the beams above the bell. I volunteered to climb up, even though Lockwood would probably have been better off up there. But I wanted to do it; I had to do it.

I climbed the rusty ladder, which I didn't trust for a second, and wrapped my arms around one of the support beams. It creaked loudly as I pulled myself up. The others told me to keep going.

My small torch was enough for this narrow space and I shone it around once. A few spiders had taken up residence in the tower. And there! In a niche beneath the roof of the tower was a dead body - at least that's what I thought. A white, stuffed sheet lay squashed into the niche and looked very much like a corpse.

"Shit," I heard George shout and I looked down. A mistake. Not only did my heart drop into my pants because of the height - but also because Felicity's ghost was there, fighting the others. Just at that moment, the beam I was standing on creaked and sank down a little. Panic began to rise inside me.

I wasn't quite sure whether it was fear or ghost lock that prevented me from moving. My whole body was trembling, but I took a step back and another and another. Until I was as far away from the corpse as possible.

I had no silver net with me. Nothing but a load of 'Greek fire', the use of which was actually strictly forbidden indoors. But was I really indoors? If I had been in my right mind, I probably wouldn't have detonated the bomb, but at that moment, filled with fear and ghost lock, I saw no way out. So I detonated the bomb, threw it towards the corpse and jumped off the beam.

The landing dragged on my knees, but there was no time for pain. The bomb exploded and with it the beam carrying the heavy bell. There was no trace of the others.

I rushed to the stairs as the bell hit the unstable wooden floor. The door downstairs was open and George and Holly were already halfway through when I arrived in the room below the bell.

The beams came crashing down and the bell followed through the ceiling as I crossed the room. Lockwood reached out his hand, but just before I could get a grip on it, I sagged as the bell also broke through this floor and pulled me with it. Burning pieces of wood and beams fell past me with the bell. Something must have hit me, because a sharp pain in my left leg shot through me out of nowhere.

I tried to cling to what was left of the floor, but it broke off too. I fell into the depths, but hit the floor much sooner than I thought. Apparently there were still some rooms inside the tower, through which the bell now crashed one after the other.

The impact knocked all the air out of my lungs as my head hit hard against the wood. Then everything went black.

* * *

An old radio was playing a familiar song, but I couldn't say exactly where I knew it from. I drew in air and each breath hurt a little.

I carefully opened my eyes. Cool light greeted me, just like the typical sterile white of a hospital. What had happened? Who had brought me to the hospital? How long had I been out? I was lying in a hospital bed, connected to some equipment and had a catheter in my left hand. My eyes wandered to my right hand.

On my right side, Lockwood was sitting in a chair with a gossip magazine on his chest and his eyes closed. He held my right hand lightly. I looked at him very closely. He had washed the red color from his face very quickly and messily, as there were still a few spots of red here and there. He was no longer wearing his costume, but his typical suit, while his long coat was hung on a hook directly opposite me.

Strangely enough, I was lying in a single room. Even though he was sleeping so incredibly peacefully, I lightly squeezed his hand and sure enough, it was sufficient. He opened his eyes and smiled with relief.

"Luce... how are you?" he asked.

"I think okay? Deep breaths hurt, but otherwise I'm fine, I think," I replied. He looked so incredibly tired. The circles under his eyes were even darker than usual and his otherwise tidy appearance was a complete mess. He straightened up slightly and put his hand on my cheek.

"I'm so glad you're okay. You gave us an incredible scare. I thought you'd learned not to use Greek fire indoors anymore." Then he leaned forward even further and kissed my forehead. "I'm so glad you're okay." He pulled back a little again and looked down at me. At that moment, when he looked at me like that, I really didn't care about anything else. His look was similar to the one he'd had when we'd danced at the Halloween party. Without thinking about it, I grabbed his tie and pulled him down to me. We kissed - despite my pain and the situation. Maybe it was the painkillers I was given that made me jump over my shadow. I didn't blame them.

"Lucy's feeling much better already." Lockwood and I immediately broke apart and I felt the blood rush to my face. George stood in the doorway of the room, grinning. In his hands he carried containers from restaurants and next to him stood Holly. They clearly didn't look as tired as Lockwood.

"Gosh, George," Holly replied, punching him lightly in the arm. Then she looked to me and gave me a thumbs up before mouthing the words 'good job'.

"Now please tell me what happened," I demanded as George passed around the food and they all sort of sat around the bed.

"After you detonated the bomb - which was a terrible idea, by the way - the bell fell completely through the tower and you went down with it. But you only fell one floor, while the bell made it all the way to the first floor. You were probably knocked unconscious by the impact. We had to stop Lockwood from jumping after you. Well, then Holly sprinted to Mrs. Pearson, who called an ambulance and DEPRAC. Barnes is a little upset, but no more than usual. What else? Oh well, Mrs. Pearson blamed herself entirely for the situation, which I have to agree with her a little bit because who invites guests into a haunted house? And who doesn't check an old house for ghosts? Also, because she felt so bad, she insisted on putting you up in a private clinic, hence all the gimmicks. Did I forget something? Oh yes, you did take out the source of the Chiming Lady, as I call her. Barnes sent other agents to the house the following night to deal with the stray, but it ended up requiring almost the entire lake to be pumped out. The tower's a mess, but I tell myself the bell was too heavy for the beams anyway, so it was only a matter of time," George said, eating Chinese noodles.

"No financial troubles?"

"No, Mrs. Pearson is feeling too guilty," Lockwood replied, sitting back in his chair next to my bed.

I nodded. "How long was I out?"

"Two days. You weren't really gone. You kept waking up before drifting off again. The doctors say you were lucky. You only have a few minor burns on your arms, some bruises on your ribs and you came in with a concussion. Oh and a cut on your left leg. You should stay here for a few more days to be checked out for your ribs," Holly explained. Lockwood held my right hand again and kept stroking it lightly. "So you should... I mean you should take it easy." She winked at me and I blushed again.

"And was it at least worth it? The party and our display of talents?"

"Actually, yes, we already have some new cases from former guests," she said. "I think the destruction of the tower became more of a minor detail that no one really cares about."

[soullikethesea]

Fox reflections. Very long.

I listened to some of the old music. The stuff Fox felt was close to his heart. He likes sending me lyrics sometimes. A common bit I remember went something like this: "I need us undivided, I need this thing to stop. I had the training to be overwhelmed, but I'm not. Empty soul of hate, but this isn't my war. Couldn't tell you where it started or how it begun..." There's so much there that I have not processed yet. Stuff that feels too painful still. No words for it yet. He selected these songs: Radical Face – Holy Branches When you were young You'd bite your tongue Calm, always did what you were told Never ran your mouth Lived life on tiptoes Only felt peace if by yourself Where mistakes don't count [Bridge] There's a hole in your chest From the time that you were born One that don't get filled Cause you've always known you're nothing they want [Chorus] But everybody's bones are just holy branches Cast from trees to cut patterns in the world And in time we find some shelter Spill our leaves and then sleep in the Earth And when we're there, we'll belong Cause the Earth don't give a damn if you're lost.

Radical Face – Ghost towns I've got no need for open roads Cause all I own fits on my back I see the world from rusted trains And always know I won't be back Cause all my life is wrapped up in today No past or future here If I find my name's no good I just fall out of line

[Chorus]

But I miss you But there's no comin' home There's no comin' home With a name like mine I still think of you But everyone knows Yeah everyone knows If you can, let it go.

Radical Face – Everything costs Dreams, like coins down a well Till I realized I was dumb for believing To the bird with no flight The skies don't ever offer respite So I wandered off And went to fill the holes in my shadow But everything costs Proof was etched into the backs of my hands

[Bridge]

I heard you say that you'd lost, you'd lost, you'd lost, you'd lost your way But I don't think you had much to lose That house was never built for you

[Chorus]

And I ain't gonna hang my head for them, for them And I ain't gonna let them paint the truth with sin And I ain't gonna tell you it's okay when at the end of the day You were just something they'd blame

[Verse 2]

… So I took up the fight And the roaring in my head was like thunder Until I uncurled my fists And allowed myself to not give a damn.

The common theme seems to be accepting that you're not welcome. In the first song it ends up with focusing on Earth instead. In the second song it felt like "having the wrong name" referred to being "the wrong part" to gain acceptance/love. I tried *so* hard to give up wanting a connection with my mum. In the third song it feels like it's about giving up the anger as well. So I suppose maybe the general hopelessness makes sense in the context of perhaps holding the purpose of giving up on the possibility of connection. I know The Fox is the only one who ever really succeeded in that. But it's interesting that as Fox has disappeared/been sleeping for most of the time after adolescence, we've sort of rekindled connection to our mum & yet also given up on most other connections. There's some more insight stuff that I can't reach. If there's something really obvious that I'm missing, please point it out if you can. My mind feels slippery around this stuff.

[meadow-dusk]

FUCK i sent that too early i meant to also ask 🔎

Answering on this one cause it's funnier lol thank you for these! please accept them past the deadline (esp the term paper 😱)

📚 A song or album you could write a term paper on

I really want a chance to dive into this album head first. It's one of my offline downloads because it's so great: it's like being told an old story that you know and remember, but you pick up a new detail every time (rumor has it Greendale II is in the works?? hell yeah!) Sure, it's basic blues changes and a couple cliches but I think there is so much there. There's a lot of wisdom in these lines, themes of family, the right to privacy, and environmental justice that resonate BIG TIME with me, and reflections on society that could easily fill an essay. My prediction for 2023: expect to see it become a future album of the month. However, unlike a tumblr post, the good thing about a term paper is there's no character limit ;)

📣 A lyric that feels like it is specifically calling you out

I have a whole entire post of these nearly ready to go, but this one felt like the right answer today. I remember considering this lyric and realizing my desire to listen to anyone else was starting to go away. Why bother, when someone can make you feel so understood? He gets it. He always gets it. Feeling competent is so easily replaced by feeling inadequate, fullness in your soul replaced by a hollowed out heart, feeling beautiful and free replaced by feeling fundamentally unlovable. Somehow you get over all that and soldier on, until it starts to crack again and it all pours out and you have to tear at it for a minute before you bother to clean it up and put it back away. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get out of this cycle as long as I live, and it is out of control. Who could ever want someone like that??

🔎 A song you can’t stop analyzing

(Pretend to be surprised here!) This song demands analysis. In fact, maybe THIS should have been my term paper....

First of all, while the album version doesn't ever double back on itself, I absolutely love how this one cycles back around to repeat the opening bars. It gives the song a circuitous feeling, just like the seasons change and fade into one another before they start all over again. You can hear it on repeat forever this way: the unending flow of time. Why it made it back into the rotation 8 years after its release isn't totally obvious, but this performance is dedicated to president-elect Jimmy Carter. I guess it's easy to imagine how much joy and relief might have been in the hearts of the receiving audience, after we experienced something likely similar just two years ago.

It's introduced as "kind of a quiet song," but once Neil hits those descending notes around 1:40 in, it's anything but. You can feel the energy in every strike of the strings, every note that he wrangles up and lets loose in a vocal style much more like a wail than the whisper on 1968's version. Alone and unencumbered by overdubs, he sings along with parts played previously by instruments, and it feels so honest and raw. Whatever anxious energy this song attempts to diffuse is palpable, and when the audience can't keep quiet about it long enough to listen, his observation on the truth in these lyrics rings out as disappointed and disillusioned but committed to conveying the message anyway. How many times do we have to hear something like this before we stop and reconsider what's going on?