#also please don't complain about the length of the post

[kaijutegu]

Beating the Heat while Fat: A Summer Survival Guide

Summer is (almost) here and it’s going to be hotter than ever. If you’re fat (like me), you know how much hot weather sucks. Specifically, we get to deal with fun issues like underboob sweat, chub rub, skin fold sunburn, and more. And while I like to take a body neutral approach to everything, this can be hard in summer thanks to exclusion and neglect.

The thing is that not a lot of people really... talk about these things, though, because that would interfere with our image of summer. Not a lot of companies are marketing their stuff as a solution to fat people’s problems, because that would be acknowledging that fat people might actually want to go outside during summer.

Having been fat for many a summer now, I want to share some of my resources for enjoying summer! These are all based on personal recommendations and things I have directly experienced. Please feel free to reblog and add on with your experiences and recommendations!

However, if your commentary is even remotely fatphobic, you will be blocked and your comments will be deleted. This post is not for you, and nobody is actually interested in what you have to say!

Back and Underboob Sweat

Two words: Gold Bond. Gold Bond fixes this. It comes in powder, stick, and spray form. I’ve used the powder in shoes, but not on my body. They’ve recently released an invisible form of the spray, which I’m very excited about.

Spray this under your breast tissue or other skin folds, or on flat areas of skin like your lower back that tend to sweat. Some of their powders have aloe in them, which is delightfully soothing for the skin.

Make sure that if you’re sensitive to scent, you buy one of the unscented versions. The “fresh” scent is nice, but it is a scent!

When you’re using this type of spray, do it clean but dry. Don’t do it right after a shower- give your skin a chance to dry off. Lift your breast or skin fold, spray underneath, and then hold it for a couple of seconds to let the spray dry down.

You can also use other types of powder, like body powder or baby powder. There’s mixed evidence about talc-containing powder and its link to cancer, but some people do find talcum powder more irritating than talc-free powder, so whether or not you use this is up to you.

Do keep in mind that this is NOT sunscreen! Apply your sunscreen first for areas of exposed skin.

Chub Rub

Dealing with the tops of your thighs rubbing together is extremely unfun. There are a couple of ways I like to deal with this!

Slip Shorts

I actually reviewed a bunch of these a few years ago. Slip shorts or bike shorts are perfect for wearing under dresses or loose-fitting rompers as a way to stop your thighs from rubbing. As a bonus, if you’re using bike shorts, sometimes they come with extra pockets to stash stuff in.

Friction Sticks

If you’re wearing a swimsuit and don’t want to wear shorts, or just don’t want to wear shorts, period, then a friction stick is another good way to avoid chub rub! I have a couple, Bodyglide and Gold Bond.

If you’re buying Bodyglide, they have one that’s just as good, Bodyglide Outdoor, that is sometimes cheaper. There’s a Bodyglide “For Her” which I’ve never tried, but that’s usually more expensive and let’s be real, do you really need to moisturize your inner thighs? I think not!

There’s also creams you can use but I find those messy and less effective than the sticks. You might like them, though! Experiment with products to find the one(s) that work for you.

Friction sticks can also stop foot blisters. Rub a little on your heel, toe, or wherever you get hot spots. 

Dealing With Sweat

I sweat, you sweat, we all sweat. Humans were meant to sweat. Sweating’s a good thing. But that doesn’t mean it’s fun, and frankly I hate being sweaty. Typically, fat people sweat more than thin people, for several reasons related to the way we thermoregulate.

Fortunately, there are lots of ways to make summer sweating less annoying. I’ve written about this before, so you can check out that post for some of my favorite tips for dealing with sweat. Here’s some of the highlights.

Evaporative Cooling

A bandanna or other wrap filled with water crystals can do AMAZING things. You can make this yourself really easily- if you can’t find water crystals, you can just use Orbeez. They sell little 99 cent packs of those in the checkout lines at some stores and at the dollar store, and you can make several cooling wraps with one packet.

You can also get evaporative cooling towels, like Frogg Toggs. I don’t like those as much because they tend to start smelling a little funny, but they’re great for larger area coverage.

Using these will help cool you down and will do the same thing that sweat does– without being sticky.

Hair

If you have long hair, get it off the back of your neck. I used to put it up in a bun with a bun former, but now I just use claw clips. They’re cuter and easier! Seriously, this will help you so much. Get the hair up and away from your skin, you’ll feel so much better.

Hand Fans

I always have a hand fan with me, but not one of the little battery operated ones. I’ve tried a lot of those! I even took one up a mountain once, and it was the only reason I survived. But they never provide the same level of breeze that my folding fan does.

I use this one because it’s cute, and you can get cute ones for a couple bucks on Amazon. I do prefer fabric to the stiff paper ones, just because they’re a bit more durable- I’ve had mine for years now. It’s good.

I’m also not a huge fan of those fans that go around your neck, but I’ve seen many people enjoying them. If they work for you, great!

Hydration and Electrolytes

Carry water with you when you go places, and if you’re gonna be out for a while doing anything strenuous, take some electrolyte tablets with you. I like Nuun because I think they taste good, but there’s lots of brands out there.

There’s no one mineral called electrolyte, just so you know. Electrolytes are a group of minerals that includes sodium, potassium, and chloride as the primary (or significant) electrolytes. Electrolytes are important because they have a natural positive or negative electrical charge when dissolved in water. This electricity is how your nerves transmit information and how your cells make your muscles contract, so low levels of electrolytes can cause some serious issues. Different electrolyte imbalances have different symptoms, but common symptoms include nausea, fatigue, confusion, tremors, muscle spasms (cramps), and dizziness.

If you’re feeling those as you’re moving around outside, get somewhere cool, drink some water, and either eat some food or add electrolyte tablets to your water. This will help stabilize you quickly!

Skin Fold Sunburn Prevention

Everybody should wear sunscreen, period. End of story.

But if you’re applying sunscreen by yourself and you have skin folds, it can be a pain to reach them! This is especially true for any folds that form on your upper back or around your upper arm.

These areas can burn and be very painful, especially if you’re in swimwear or a sleeveless top. It’s also VERY easy to forget that these areas need sunscreen!

If you don’t want or don’t have someone to help you apply those areas you can’t reach, spray sunscreen can be a way to get those areas. If you don’t like the spray or want heavier coverage with a cream, then use a lotion applicator!

If the stick style doesn’t work for you (like if you have shoulder mobility issues), the strap style asks for a different range of motion. If you can’t find one that works for you at a big box store, look at a pharmacy. These are often sold as disability aids or for elderly people with a reduced range of motion.

But honestly, one of the most important things about this is just knowing your body. Know where your skin folds are and think about how they move as you’re applying sunscreen. Get underneath them- as you move, those areas can be exposed to the sun, too.

So yeah, that’s my best advice for beating the heat while fat. If you’ve got other tips, feel free to share them!

[sideeve]

⠀⠀⠀𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐘𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐃 𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

alt text ✘ jjk men as lyrics from pyramids

contains ✘ fem!reader , satoru gojo , kento nanami , toji fushiguro , fingering , broke!toji , DOM!toji , cowgirl with nanami

announcement ✘ this is my 200th post on this account which is crazy because i thought i would've ditched this account by now. and a mini celebration for hitting 2.5k🥳 thank you so much. i know haven't been very active with the fan fictions and i appreciate the patience. thank you.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦

𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔

" you showed up after work, i'm bathing your body

touching you in places only i know

you're wet and you're warm just like our bath water. "

the pool of warm water surrounded you and Gojo as he had you pressed up against his back. the pads of his fingers would glide up and down the meat of your thighs, beginning as chaste touches. the foaming of soap covering your breasts was enough to turn a switch in his brain, his length rising a bit.

you were in the midst of telling Gojo about your week until he interrupted you, kissing a trail up your neck before mumbling "you're so beautiful." his fingers drop down a level, meeting your inner thighs. he knew you enough to know it's not just the wet water he's feeling.

he turns your head you him, taking your lip to his as he plunges two fingers into you, taking your moan in his mouth. his unoccupied hand gently glides up to your breast, two fingers pinching and rolling around your nipple.

"so pretty." he whispers before plunging his tongue into your mouth, leaving no crevice undiscovered. he had a habit of making you melt under his touch. he was a natural at this point--he was amazing at it.

Gojo felt your walls pulsate around his digits, giving signs of your release being close. he chuckles, "not yet, baby."

𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎

" the way you say my name makes me feel like i'm that nigga

but i'm still unemployed. "

the headboard continuously rocked against the wall, creating mini cracks in the walls as Toji pounded himself in you. one moment you were complaining about him not having a real job, and the next, you were chanting his name like a mantra. "Toji!" you whine. the side of your face was pressed down on the mattress, your back arched, giving him more space for his cock to explore.

"that's it, baby." he groans, his head hanging low, watching as he disappears inside of you. "fuck." a hand strikes against your ass, your bottom recoiling. your body leans forward, moving away from where Toji's hips met yours.

"don't run away, girl." he chuckles. his large hands grip both sides of your hips, pulling you right back on his length. you squeal, the pleasure becoming overwhelming.

"please!" you sob. your hands reach back to push Toji off you. he takes both of your wrists and holds them into an X behind your back. now you have nowhere to run. "just fucking take it."

𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈

" you say it's big but you take it.

ride, cowgirl. "

the sounds of Nanami's frequent grunts and moans and your slick covering his length filled the room. you needed a sexual release and the toys just weren't doing it.

you needed your husband. your husband who would only come home at the asscrack of dawn just to restart the same routine. as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. it also makes the body grow hornier.

the pace you rode was unbearable. he's never seen such intensity from you. he wasn't complaining either, he loved to see you on top of him. it saved him the worry of hurting.

"fuck." you bit your lip, leaning forward. your hands were pressed against his chest, propping yourself. Nanami's hands wander up your hips, helping you out a bit as he could sense that you were tired. "i missed you," you whisper, leaning down to plant a kiss on his. he moans at the contact, chasing after you as you pull away. "i'm make sure this i'll never leave you this needy."

[crowleying]

My policeman | m!reader

Date: 06.12.2022

Pairing:  Tommy Shelby x m!reader

Reader’s pronouns: he/him

Words: 4.840

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Characters: m!reader, Tommy Shelby, Polly Gray, Ada Shelby, John Shelby, Arthur Shelby, Esme Shelby, Harry Fenton, others

Genre: Romance

Length: Oneshot

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending

Requested: No

Prompts: No

Summary: Tommy Shelby is suddenly very interested in you and you have no idea why.

A/N: English is not my first language, so feel free to correct any mistake, and I would love to know what you think about it. If you like my works, please like and reblog them. REQUESTS ARE OPEN. I posted a List of prompts, so check it out! Let me know if you would like to be tagged in my works.

IF YOU LIKE MY WORKS, PLEASE REBLOG THEM

Masterlist

Ao3

You were on patrol around the city with one of your colleagues. You knew he was on the Peaky Blinders' payroll but, after all, only a handful of policemen weren't. You were one of them. It was confusing to most people in Small Heath, mainly because they knew you were John Shelby's best friend. He had offered you money to give them information and turn a blind eye to their affairs as they did with everyone, but you had made it clear that you couldn't be bought. He had respected that. The balance was fragile. The whole deal was based on your friendship. You had been able to refuse the money without losing your job because you were friends and people respected you because of your bond to the most powerful family in Birmingham, and a little because you did your job and wouldn't hesitate to throw people in jail if needed. You didn't pretend not to see what happened around you. Not even if the Peaky Blinders were involved. However, being friends with John also prevented you from trying to tear the whole business down. Everyone had learnt it pretty soon, so they had just started doing their things when you weren't on patrol, which meant your rounds were always quiet. You didn't complain. You didn't like arresting people, especially if they were Blinders.

That day seemed to be especially quiet. Well, as quiet as Small Heath could be. Your eyes observed the people going on about their lives around you while you chatted with your colleague. Many people greeted you, and you smiled back.

You turned to your partner, your eyes wide and a big smile on your face. "What?! No way. What is this, your... seventh?"

"Yeah," he replied smiling proudly under his thick moustache. "Four girls and two boys. I'm rooting for another boy."

"Congrats!" You patted his back, but you saw his face change, suddenly becoming serious.

He looked up and touched his cap, tilting his head down. "Morning, Mr Shelby."

You turned and saw Thomas Shelby on one of his horses, riding down the road. You nodded towards him as a form of greeting but didn't touch your cap or wish him a good day.

He nodded back at you, and you felt his icy blue eyes pierce through you. It wasn't anything new. You felt that way every time he looked at you and you wondered if everyone could feel it when they were under his gaze as if he could see everything that was inside. It felt as if God was scrutinizing you. You did understand why John called him Tommy the Almighty.

Even as he passed by you, you could still feel his eyes burn holes in you. You kept walking but turned to look at him and saw he was already looking. You turned back to the front.

"I don't know how you can refuse their offer. By the way he was looking at you, he really wants you on his payroll."

When you walked into the Garrison that night and asked Harry for a glass of whiskey, he refused your money and said it had already been paid for, then nodded towards the private room next to the counter.

"Yeah, well, John knows it won't happen." You shrugged, but the feeling of his eyes on you lingered and stayed with you for the rest of the day.

"Mr Shelby wishes to speak with you."

You rolled your eyes at the formality John liked to mess with when you were involved and grabbed your glass heading to the room.

"Come on, John, how many tim-" you started as you opened the door only to stop mid-sentence when you met Tommy's icy gaze instead of John's warm and playful one. "Thomas."

He was smoking alone, a glass of whiskey in front of him.

He beckoned you with a motion of his fingers. "Close the door and take a sit."

Your eyebrows raised, unimpressed by how he was treating you like one of his men. Maybe he had forgotten you didn't work for him.

"If you want to buy me, Thomas, you can save it. I'm not on sale," you said without doing any of the things he had asked of you.

He observed you for a few long seconds as if trying to read you. Then he sighed, tearing his gaze away from you and knocking the ash of his cigarette into the ashtray. "That's not why I wanted to talk to you."

When you still didn't move, he turned towards you again. "I promise. Please, come sit with me."

You hid your surprise at hearing him saying the word "please." You didn't think he even knew how to pronounce it for lack of use. You closed the door behind you and took a sit on the other side of the table from him.

You rolled the whiskey in your glass waiting for him to speak. "What did you want to talk about?" you asked when he didn't.

He offered you a cigarette but you refused. You didn't trust him outside family gatherings and that wasn't a social call.

"I would like to invite you to dinner."

You frowned. You had already been to dinner at the Shelbys plenty of times and not once had Thomas himself been the one to invite you. "Uhm... sure, tell Polly to count me in."

"I mean with me."

His reply startled a laugh out of you. "I never thought you were one for pranks. Thought you left that to Johnny."

He stared at you, his expression unchanged. There was no trace of a smile on his face. "I'm serious."

You looked back at him with a newfound seriousness and slammed your glass on the table, spilling some of its content. "I really hope not."

It was your turn to observe him, trying to understand what his real intentions were. "What do you really want from me, Thomas?"

"I want to take you out for dinner."

You snorted. "You think I'm a fool?"

"No," he let out much lower than his usual tone.

"You can't buy me so you're trying to get me arrested. That's too low even for you."

He shook his head. "That's not-"

"Save your bullshit," you interrupted getting up. You leaned forward pointing a finger at him. "You try this shit again and I'll get you arrested."

You were smoking with John by the cut like you did when you were fifteen. You loved the fact that your friendship hadn't changed all that much, not after you had been to war together, nor when you had decided to join the police. With John, it had always been easy. No judgement, just two boys having fun and doing what they had to live in such a hard world.

Then you walked out.

"So, new girls?" he joked.

You looked at him unimpressed, before looking back in front of you.

John was the only person who knew you didn't like girls. You had found out thanks to him. When you were young, you had experimented with each other. There had been some kisses and a couple of hand jobs. He had soon understood he wasn't into men, but he had never judged you. To these days he still joked about it and you had never really minded until Thomas had asked you out.

"Did you tell him?"

He abruptly turned to look at you. "You know I would never."

"Then how the fuck did he know, John?" you asked, throwing your unfinished cigarette into the cut, clearly upset.

"Tommy, he always seems to know shit," he said slowly, playing with his cap and looking down at it in his lap. He looked at you. "But he means good. He isn't trying to fuck you up."

You snorted. You trusted John and you were sure he believed what he was saying, but Thomas was cunning and he could have people believe anything he wanted. Maybe he had tricked his own brother into believing he really was interested in you, knowing he would have put a good word in for him.

"Are you still coming to dinner tomorrow though?"

You had been a guest of the Shelbys every Saturday for dinner for as long as you could remember.

"Will he be there?"

"Probably."

You groaned.

"Come on. You won't even have to talk to him. How many times have you two talked at dinner?"

You frowned. "Probably more than you would expect."

Now that you thought of it, Tommy had always found a way to exchange a few words with you after dinner about the most random topics. You had always enjoyed those moments. Talking with him was nice. He didn't smile a lot, not like before the war, but he had always been kind to you. You had always thought he did that just for John's sake, so you had never considered him a friend or anything. In addition to that, the huge crush you had had on him had made it hard to be as comfortable with him as you were with the rest of the family. You had completely overcome that now, though. Still, the awkwardness was hard to shake off.

John bumped his shoulders into yours, bringing you back to the present. "The kids will be a pain if you don't come."

You rolled your eyes. "Fine."

When you stepped into the Shelbys' household the following evening, you got surrounded by John's kids. They either hugged you, pulled you somewhere, or screamed at you about their day. You loved them, but they could be a lot. Finally, Ada came to save you, and you smiled gratefully at her. She hugged you and invited you to follow her to the kitchen where all the others were. Tommy was missing, and you felt relief flooding you. You hadn't even finished greeting everyone when the front door opened. Little Finn ran to welcome the newcomer. You held your breath and your eyes found John's on the other side of the room. He looked guilty. You frowned, but before you could take him aside to ask what he had done, Tommy walked into the kitchen with Finn in his arms. When you turned towards him, he was already looking at you and you couldn't bring yourself to utter a word in greeting. Your lips stayed still.

John grinned triumphantly.

"Let's sit and eat," Polly said, setting the pot in the centre of the table.

While she served, everyone took a seat, and somehow you found yourself next to Tommy. John had taken the seat that was usually reserved for you and you had to take his. Now you understood the look you had seen in his eyes earlier. You would punch him later.

"Not exactly what I had in mind, but it's something." Tommy's murmur was drowned by the others chatting and you would have missed it too if you hadn't been so close to him.

You pretended you hadn't heard and instead thanked Polly for filling your plate.

For the whole dinner, you did everything you could to forget Thomas was there. You chatted with everyone, complimented Polly for her cooking, asked Esme how she could be so patient with all those troublemakers around, glared at John multiple times, joked with the kids, even taking one of them on your lap when he wanted to show you the small gap in his smile left by the tooth he had lost a couple of days earlier.

Tommy stayed silent for the most part, as usual. He commented on a thing here or there and messed with the kids for a little fun. You could always feel his gaze on you. His eyes might have been the colour of ice, but sure as hell, you could feel them burn on your skin. He saw to it so that your glass was never empty, and even if you remembered distinctly rejecting him that day at the Garrison, it seemed like he hadn't gotten the memo, although he had probably just decided to ignore it because Tommy Shelby only ever played by his rules.

After dinner, the children went off somewhere to play while Polly and Esme washed the dishes. Ada had excused herself saying she was tired and she would go to bed early, but you were pretty sure she would climb out of the window to go see Freddy. Arthur took out a bottle of rum and filled four glasses.

"I should go, actually," you announced, getting up.

"No way!"

"Oh come on, you can stay for a nightcap."

John, who was now sitting next to you, pulled on your arm and you sat back down with a sigh. Arthur grinned and a small, pleased smile appeared on Tommy's face. You wanted to slap it away. Instead, you glared at him and grabbed his cigarette case to take one in retaliation. It only caused his smile to grow.

You put the cigarette between your lips and scowled at him when he leaned in touching the end of your cigarette with his to light it up. You hated how your heart skipped a beat and blood rushed to your cheeks. You inhaled and pulled back quickly, missing the looks Arthur and John had exchanged seconds earlier.

You exhaled the smoke and quickly downed your glass, making John snort. You pushed the glass towards Arthur, silently asking for a refill. He chuckled and shook his head but poured you another glass. Tommy was looking at the whole thing with an amused glint in his eyes. Once again you did your best to ignore him.

"Seeing a girl tonight? Is that why you're in a hurry?" Arthur teased.

You felt Tommy tense next to you, but you couldn't be sure and you didn't dare turn to look at him, not wanting to give yourself away.

You waved a hand. "I'm leaving them all to you, Arthur."

That made him laugh. "That's wise."

"You should have it easy now that Johnny is taken," you commented. Then you turned towards Tommy. "What about you, Thomas? I bet you have all the girls falling for you. What is it? Nobody is good enough for the great Thomas Shelby?" you teased.

"You're the only person who calls him that," John commented amusedly.

"And aunt Pol when she's angry," Arthur added.

Tommy stared at you seriously.

When you had given up on waiting for a reply and went to take a sip of your rum, Tommy finally spoke. "I already have my eyes on someone," he said quietly.

You choked on the rum and coughed. John patted your back. "You alright?"

You nodded and pulled at the collar of your shirt, although it didn't really do anything to help your situation. You did your best to compose yourself while Tommy tried to hide a small amused smile behind his cigarette.

"So, who's the lucky girl?" you asked when you finally managed to breathe again.

Arthur's boisterous laugh filled the room. "That would be some change."

Tommy paid him no mind and kept his glacial eyes on you. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Both his reply and Arthur's comment confused you. Before you could inquire further, you heard John's glass clink on the table, soon followed by Arthur's. Your eyes snapped to them as they got up.

"We're headin' to the Garrison. Are you coming?" Arthur asked.

"Uh... no. I should really go. I have work tomorrow."

John patted your back. "See you tomorrow?"

You nodded and they left. The last conversation had made you forget about John's guilty look at the beginning of the night.

You suddenly realized they had left you alone with Tommy. You cleared your throat and put out your cigarette into the ashtray, then downed the rest of your rum.

"I should really go."

You got up, but so did Tommy. He killed his cigarette. "I'll show you to the door."

You nodded stiffly and walked to the door. When you stopped at the hanger to get your coat, you found him closer than expected and your heart picked up.

"You like horses, don't you?" he asked, putting his hands in his pockets. You hated how cool he was about everything.

You nodded.

"You should come to the races once."

"Have you forgotten I go there for work sometimes?"

"Not for work."

Not again.

"It's not something I enjoy watching," you said shortly, then opened the door, anxious to leave that hallway that had never looked so small in your whole life.

"You might change your mind."

"I don't think I will," you insisted dryly, looking at him in the eyes, hoping he would get the message that you were talking about the whole situation.

You were doing everything you could to avoid Tommy, and it was not working. On the contrary, he was everywhere. He would pass by your house every time you were leaving for work and he would offer to walk or drive you there. You refused every time. You would meet him as you were walking by the cut. You would see him at a pub he had never frequented before. You even saw him at the market a couple of times. When you saw him in church you thought you were hallucinating. It seemed like the universe was working against you, but it was only Tommy Shelby, and maybe his family.

You opened the door and he held it open for you. "It's not a no."

You were surprised to find a little box on your desk at work on Monday. You looked around to see if any of your colleagues had noticed anything. They seemed to be minding their business as usual. You returned your attention to the box and opened it. A precious pocket watch was laid there, with a piece of paper. You picked up the note. You didn't recognize the handwriting. It read "counting the seconds to the moment you'll accept my offer."

John always found a way to mention him. He had never talked about Tommy as much as he had in the last few weeks. You pretended not to notice. You hoped Tommy would just give up at some point. How wrong you were.

You crushed the note in your fist and rolled your eyes, closing the box vehemently and shoving it in the only drawer in your desk that had a key. You locked it up. You thought you would deal with that later, but it was a busy day and you forgot until the next morning when something else was waiting for you on your desk.

It was your favourite book from when you were a kid. It was about horses. They were your favourite animals and obviously, Tommy somehow knew. You opened it and on the first page, with the same handwriting from yesterday's note, there was written "I think you'd really like to meet my horses. Think about it."

That evening you went to the Shelbys, hoping to find Tommy and give him back his presents. When Ada opened the door, you walked past her hastily.

You heard one of your colleagues calling you, so you quickly closed the book and threw it into the drawer where you had left the watch.

"Where is Thomas?" you asked looking for him around the house, startling the others, confused by your manners so out of character.

"He isn't back yet," Ada said, closing the door to follow you into the kitchen.

You let yourself fall down into a chair with a groan and discarded your hat on the table.

"Hello to you too," Polly piped up.

"Hi Pol, I'm sorry, but your nephew is trying to ruin me."

"Tommy?" Esme asked frowning. She wasn't a fan of him, but she was quite sure he would never do anything to ruin you.

"What are you talking about?" Polly asked taking a seat next to you.

"He is just being over dramatic." John waved a hand. You glared at him.

"Let him talk." Ada slapped his arm, making him roll his eyes. "What did Tommy do?"

You suddenly sobered up. You couldn't tell them. They wouldn't approve. You shook your head and got up. "It's nothing. I should just talk to him. I'm sure we can fix this."

"Where are you going? Stay for dinner." Polly stopped you gently.

Before you could refuse and leave, someone knocked.

Ada went to open the door.

"Hello, Ada." Thomas.

Ada was already telling him you were there looking for him when you walked up to him, hat in hand. He smiled smugly at you.

"Thought you would last longer," he commented.

You just looked at him as if you wanted to kill him.

Ada's eyes moved between the two of you.

"Would you mind leaving us, Ada?" Tommy asked, without taking his eyes away from you.

She rolled her eyes but did as she had been asked.

Once she was gone, you pulled the gifts out of your coat and shoved them into Tommy's chest. "You can take these back and leave me alone."

His hand raised slowly to take a hold of the items and he glanced down at them. "You didn't like them?"

"That's not the point. Stop fucking trying to ruin me. If I'm such a huge problem for you, why don't you pay my superior to transfer me somewhere else? Do you really hate me so much just because I'm not on your fucking payroll?"

He shook his head. "I'm not trying to ruin you."

"Really? Because sending me gifts at work tells me otherwise."

"I really am into you."

You scoffed. "Sure."

"What do I have to do to make you believe me?" his voice, quiet as usual, seemed to fill the entire house. Only then you realized the chatter that previously came from the kitchen had stopped. You glanced that way, then looked back at Tommy.

You lowered your voice. "If you care for me, stop this."

For the first time since you knew him, Tommy looked like he didn't know what to say.

You didn't wait for a reply. You just headed to the door, stopping in your tracks when Polly's voice came from the kitchen. "You're not staying for dinner?"

It was clear the others had listened in on your conversation.

You sighed. "Maybe next time."

You opened the door and stepped outside, putting your hat on.

Polly's interjection had given Tommy enough time to come up with something to say.

"Just give me one chance," he said quickly before you could leave. "We can go out of the city with the horses tomorrow afternoon. Nobody will see us. If after that you still want me to leave you alone, I will."

You turned to look at him and you hated yourself for being so weak.

The following day was nerve-wracking. No matter how you tried to distract yourself, you couldn't stop thinking about the date. The anxiety was eating at you. Part of you didn't want that afternoon to arrive, and another part was looking forward to it.

"One chance. Then you will leave me alone."

Time would not stop flowing for your sake, and soon you were making your way to meet with him out of the city. You asked the driver to drop you off way before the meeting point and walked the rest of the way.

Tommy was waiting for you with two horses. He smiled when he saw you, and you didn't know if it was knowing that this was the last chance you had given him or if that was actually the most genuine and happiest smile you had ever seen on his lips.

You smiled back. It was a very different smile from his. It was small and it had a hint of sadness to it. You wished this was real, but you couldn't bring yourself to believe it.

Without a word you got on the horses and guided them through the countryside. Sometimes Tommy would stop to show you something. He told you about his love for the countryside and that he would love to live there one day. He liked the idea of being surrounded by green fields and animals, especially horses, a passion the two of you shared. When you asked why he was so in love with the countryside, he explained that it made him feel closer to his mother. That was where her people lived and where she had grown up.

You hadn't realized, but at some point, you had relaxed. You and Tommy talked, joked, laughed and raced each other. Before you noticed the sun was setting. Tommy suggested you stopped to enjoy the view before heading back.

You got off the horses and sat down on the grass. You stayed silent for a while, simply admiring the colours of the sky. When you turned to look at Tommy, he was already watching you. You stared at each other for a few long moments before he cleared his voice and looked away.

"What's the verdict, then?" he finally asked, not looking at you.

"I had a good time with you," you admitted easily.

"But?"

"Is this really what you want? This life is... not great. So if you ever liked a girl in your life I suggest you go back to her and give it one more try."

"It's always been you and I know you are scared, but I sincerely don't give a fuck if you are a policeman or if you aren't on my payroll. We made arrangements to do our things when you're not on patrol just so you wouldn't have to arrest any of us. It wasn't much trouble. You are important to me, to all of us. I would never do anything to hurt you."

Your brain had gotten stuck on the first few words. "Always?"

"What?"

"You said it's always been me."

"Yes."

"Then why now?"

"Because I found out only recently that you like boys."

You frowned. "How did you find out?"

"I saw you with a man one night, in the alley behind the Garrison," he admitted.

"Oh... Right. So John didn't tell you."

"No, not a word. He would rather cut his own arm off than betray you."

"I know," you replied relaxing.

"But you thought he had told me."

"Maybe he had mentioned when he was drunk." You shrugged.

"I promise he didn't."

You nodded.

"I've had a crush on you for a while too," you said, still looking at him. You had long forgotten about the sunset. How could you look at something as trivial as the sun when you had Tommy Shelby right beside you?

"Yes?" he asked, hopeful.

You smiled and nodded. "It's impossible not falling for you."

He leaned closer but stopped a few inches away from your face. "I really want to kiss you right now."

"Fucking finally Tommy, dinner was getting cold," Polly's voice came from the kitchen as you followed him inside the house that night.

"What are you waiting for, then?" was all that came out of your lips before they met his.

"Sorry Pol," he replied taking little Finn in his arms and putting his cap on his youngest brother.

He reached for your hand with his free one after you had hung your coat. You took it, although nervously. He had assured you that his whole family knew about him and that they would accept you but after a lifetime of being careful about everything you did and said, you couldn't just stop.

Tommy kissed your temple, hoping that would help your nerves.

You smiled at him, then winked at Finn who grinned back.

Tommy led you to the kitchen. "We have a guest," he announced. Everyone turned to look at you, and your grip tightened on Tommy's hand. They all seemed surprised.

"But it's not S-" Arthur was cut off by John shoving his elbow into his brother's ribs.

That seemed enough to shake Polly out of her surprise. "Of course!" She hugged you smiling. "You're always welcome."

You felt your nervousness melt away and hugged her back. "Thanks, Pol."

She pulled back and turned to her nephew, pointing a finger at him. "If you hurt him, Thomas Shelby, I'll make you pay for it."

"What?! Why are you telling me?" he asked putting Finn down.

"Well, because he would never do anything bad," she replied without even thinking about it.

"Wait, aunt Pol. He is my best friend, I should be the one to give Tommy the talk."

Tommy shook his head. "This is absurd."

"Come on, I'm sure he is more than capable to look after himself."

You nodded quickly, agreeing with Ada.

"And I'm sure Tommy won't do anything he might regret unless he wants to have the whole family against him," she added crossing her arms and glaring at him.

You sighed and turned to look at Tommy. "Don't worry, I'll protect you from them."

Tags: @one-green-frog

[devsgames]

My Philosophy on Commissioning Art as a Game Dev (or how to avoid exploiting people when/because you have no budget)

(This post cross-posted from My Patreon, where I share development insights, prototype builds, and devlogs from my games as I work. Please consider supporting!)

The other day I was speaking to an indie developer who was complaining how prohibitively expensive it was to pay an artist to make art for their video game project; they essentially complained at length about how difficult it was to find artists who would work at affordable prices for devs, especially in contexts of working as a solo dev and being self-funded.

I won't mention their name but it was certainly a complaint that I empathized with greatly as someone who works regularly on a shoestring budget and loves collaborating with artists on my games. However, I think it's terrible (and interesting) how much awful rhetoric and exploitative thinking surrounding paying people for work has propagated through our industry even at the lowest level, and how indie devs can easily normalize the exploitative capitalist practices carried out by larger studios at a small scale.

I want to hit on some of the topics in that conversation thoughts I have on them as they relate to development, as both someone who has both been an artist taking commissions and a self-funded solo developer who has sought artists to commission for working on my game, and provide my perspective on them.

Some of the common arguments I've seen for undercutting artists:

1) "If an artist charges too much, I'll find someone else who will do it for cheaper."

Seeking out artists who charge less is the kind of behaviour that drives artists to devalue their work; other artists see someone charging less who is getting more work than they are and say "well maybe I should be charging less" and then begins the race to the bottom which results in no one getting their fair wages. Sure there's often opportunity to compromise with an artist - maybe strike a deal with them, or work out a payment plan that suits your needs - bit if you're seeking the highest quality and lowest cost then you're directly enacting patterns used by capitalist exploitation, and you as a creative need to challenge your relationship to labour and how you treat someone who is offering theirs.

There's also an underlying assumption to these statements that some artists are overcharging for their work - but understand is an exception and not a norm. The reality is that artists are exceptionally underpaid for the work they do, and finding ways to underpay them further only exacerbates the cultural issue of devaluing art and the labour artists do to create.

2) "Some artists want commercial use fees when I own the IP to the game, and it makes it too expensive. My game isn't even big/expensive enough to warrant paying commercial fees!"

Consider this from the perspective of an artist: they don't know the extent to which you're using their work, how much you're profiting from it, or how successful your game will be, or how that success will reflect on them. Many developers and commissioners, at a baseline legal level, can't be trusted to be honest or impartial about what value your project has, and any artist is within their right for charging you what they anticipate the risk or gain will be to them. Especially these days when projects can go from 0 to trending overnight, how is there any way of guaranteeing an artist is being compensated fairly for the exposure (or lack thereof) your project might provide?

The reality is that even if you think your game will be a flop or a passion project, an artist kept at arms length doesn't know that and can't risk missing compensation based on 'vibes' or your gut feeling on your game's success. Developers don't even know for sure how successful their game will be, why should an artist be expected to charge you fees appropriately in response?

On top of this, Commercial use fees aren't a one-way street and they can protect developers too; it often means you're given permission to use their works for promotional materials, logos, marketing copy, presskits and the like with their advanced permission, and can give you legal protection in the event they try to rescind that arbitrarily. It's a two-way street that empowers you to promote your work by using theirs and is well worth paying the money to them, and it can protect both parties in the event of a falling out. It isn't a random restriction in place to charge more money arbitrarily, it's there for a reason.

If commercial use fees are a problem to you, you might be inclined to seek out artists who don't charge them: once again, this is enacting the practices outlined in #1. In fact, this is even worse as now you're actively seeking artists who don't have protections for themselves in place or might not be aware of commercial fees as a concept.

In my opinion, as a developer, if you find an artist who doesn't mention commercial fees in commission prices you are morally obligated to explicitly ask them about if they charge commercial fees. It could be likely they simply aren't aware of them, and this makes them a vulnerable target to exploitation by others who approach them in the future. If they don't know about commercial use standards and you choose to commission them for a commercial work then you're taking advantage of someone's naivety which is incredibly exploitative.

3) "If my game is a breakout hit there will be more work for them later, or I can come back and pay them what they're owed after it makes money."

Even if your heart is in the perfect place, the reality is: you probably won't. I've seen well-meaning people fail to pay others for a whole host of reasons, from clerical errors, sudden bankruptcy, or even just being too dang busy and forgetting to send an email. Even if you have the money it doesn't take much to forget to connect it with someone even if you're well-meaning and you have a healthy working relationship. I've definitely been on the receiving end of this before!

Whether your project makes money or no, everyone touching it needs to be paid for the work they do on it without chasing you down. Any artist is well within their right to assume they should be paid in full, up front, for all costs and risks associated with taking on your project. Moreover as a dev who should be paying someone you simply don't know their financial reality - maybe your payment is their grocery bill this month, or maybe they're jusy needing to make rent of this relationship. It's irresponsible to try and wiggle some of that payment away from them.

As for the idea of paying an artist what they're worth later down the line: How many studios have you heard of who pays an artist for work and then comes back later to pay them royalties, without being badgered or taken to court over it? Why should an artist you're approaching assume you're the exception to this pattern? Why should someone only get paid on the condition you make enough money to pay them, as opposed to simply paying them up front for all the work you're asking them to do?

On that note...

4) "Should I consider revenue sharing?"

Most developers I know of who entertain the thought of revenue sharing have never shipped a video game before, and they assume that once the game comes out there'll be plenty of money to go around. Unfortunately not only is that not true in almost every case (especially in cases where it's a game by people haven't shipped a game before). It's also a testament to how unreliable revshare models are - how many people who plan a model around revshare survive long enough to ship a game and properly enact that model afterwards?

Per #3, it's incredibly risky as a creator to simply trust someone will pay you everything you're owed after something launches, and there's risk your stinginess is imparting on the artist. Revshare doesn't protect artists if a project flops, or outright falls apart, or you run off with their work, or your computer catches fire, and so on. You're asking them to take on unnecessary risk with revshare that would be avoided if you pay them directly, up front.

Not to mention most people don't need promises of 'payments of unknown amounts delivered 3-4 years from now', most people need 'known quantities of money given ASAP'. There's no contest in equitably here.

---

"Devon you don't understand, my game probably won't make any money! How am I supposed to find or attract artists to work on it if I can't compensate them for it?!"

So here's the harsh thesis I guess: I firmly believe if you as a game developer can't afford to commission people to make things that would fulfil the vision you have for your game then I believe you should not be creating a game that requires this art to be made in the first place. Or minimally, you need to be more willing to compromise your vision and ideas than you are willing to exploit a creative in order to maybe be able to execute that vision.

Cutting things, changing ideas and re-thinking your process is all part of the act of making games, and it's always better to do that than it is to take advantage of someone in order to get what you want. If I can't afford someone to work on my game, my process is ask myself "Okay, well then what can I do instead?" and find a way around it that doesn't involve that specific skillset, or I take time to learn that skillset myself. If I can't find a way to plan my project around this weakness it means I've done a poor job of planning something that is achievable to make by myself, and I need to rethink my plan and execute it in a way that takes into account my abilities and resources at hand - both financial and labour-wise.

At the end of the day your vision or idea is simply not worth taking advantage of anyone else's labour, or else you will easily fall into practices that exploit the labour of others.

Having to confront the reality that you can't ethically make the thing you want to make is a bummer, but don't get me wrong, not all hope is lost: Not only has there never been more free, open-source and pro-bono resources for making games available online, but there's never been more opportunities than ever learn a new skill.

If you can't find an asset or resource for free that you can twist into working for you, you might as well try learning that skill that you're trying to get someone else to do. There's tons of tutorials and free resources that will teach you all about game development and its many facets, and you might be pleasantly surprised at what you're capable of if you apply yourself towards it. If you have time to make a game you likely have time to learn a skill.

The fact of the matter is that seeking means to create what you want without compromise at the lowest possible cost is the exact behaviour pattern that is conductive to abhorrent exploitation under capitalism - it's why AAA studios seek the cheapest outsourcing studios in the global south to make assets for them who can maximize labour and minimize profit, or why so many creatives in game development in general are underpaid for their skills relative to other industries.

If you want to avoid contributing to a cycle of exploitation then you need to be aware of what that cycle is, who it takes advantage of most, and how it works. Then challenge yourself to consciously act in a way that disrupts it, or else you will risk falling into it yourself.

Thanks for reading!

[cha-melodius]

2023 Fic Year in Review

I've been doing these for three years now, and they always grow each year as I get tagged in other year-end posts that make the rounds. Feel free you grab it if you want to do your own review! And I’d like to add a hearty thank you to each and every person who’s read my fics over the years, y'all continue to make this a joy!

2020 Review | 2021 Review | 2022 Review

AO3 Username: chamel  My Page: Link  Active Fandoms:  Red, White & Royal Blue: 20 works The Man from UNCLE (2015): 8 works Loki: 5 works New Fandoms: None thank GOD Total Number Of Completed Works/Word Count  This Year: 33 works, 278k words  All Time: 113 works, 1.27 million words

This year a little movie that came out in August absolutely destroyed these stats lmaoooo. Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): This Year: Always Where I Need To Be (RWRB, Alex/Henry, T, 5.5k) All Time: Class(room) Warfare (RWRB, Alex/Henry, T, 7.8k words)

Most Popular Completed Multi-Chapter (by kudos):  This Year & All Time: Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood  (RWRB, Alex/Henry, E, 20k words)

Events/Challenges: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Gift Exchange 2023, The Brownstone Anniversary Fic Exchange, Halloween Huh?

More reflections, stats, and planned fics below the cut!

Additional Random AO3 Stats

By number of fics: 85% one shots, 15% multi-chaps

By word count: 52% mult-chaps, 48% one shots

Ratings by number of fics: 48% T-rated, 33% E-rated, 15% M-rated

Musical artists contributing highest number of titles: Jeff Tweedy (Tweedy/Wilco) & The New Pornographers, tied at 3 each

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?  Somehow I topped my word count from last year by 10k, which I was not expecting. That said, this year was right about average.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?  God this is a hard question this year because I wrote a lot of fics I really really love. For one single fic I'll go with Nova, Baby, because I love the story and I've got a lot of lovely feelings about it.

Did you complete your writing goals from last year?  The Goal: I want to complete a few large multichapter fics, which will probably mean my one-shot production goes down. I completed one long mulitchap, and then a few mid-length (~20k) multichaps. I think I wrote more of those than I have any other year. Surprisingly, my one-shot production wasn't super significantly decreased.

Do you have any writing goals for the New Year? Ok, I gotta come up with something. My goal is to have a similar mix of fics as least year, and also to write my first collaboration with @cricketnationrise, which will be a long multichap.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Wrote on a topic outside my wheelhouse (therapy 😬) and also posted a fic in a fandom where there weren't a lot of fics in similar genres (action/spies). Now that's no longer true, but at the time it was really freaking nerve-wracking.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Every fic I write in a fandom that's not RWRB? 😅 It's hard to complain too much, especially considering what happened to my numbers this year.

Most fun story to write: All the Old Showstoppers, Will You Brie Mine?, You're the Perfect Gift for Me. Silly RWRB boys being silly, basically.

Biggest disappointment: Again, I feel like it's hard to complain when I have a fic that's closing in on 4k kudos. The goalposts keep moving, don't they, though? I still live in fear of pouring my heart into a multichap and having what will count as "lukewarm" reception, when before this year I didn't have a single fic above 1k kudos.

Biggest surprise: Most definitely Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood. Like I figured it would do pretty well (I hoped, since I put so much into it), but holy shit?? I still can't really believe it's on page 2 of the tag by kudos? And honestly also Always Where I Need To Be, this little one-shot about David stealing glasses.

Coming soon/planned for 2024:

False Dichotomy (RWRB You've Got Mail AU)

Kissed Out (RWRB pro-pool players AU)

RWRB 1940s noir AU

RWRB conductor/piano soloist AU

RWRB hockey AU (with cricket)

A shitload of prompts from my fandom fest

Extremely delinquent MTH fics

TMFU art thief/gallery owner AU

Thank you for the tags on your end-of-the-year fic reviews @loki-is-my-kink-awakening, @kiwiana-writes, @rmd-writes, @lizzie-bennetdarcy, @indestructibleheart, and @welcometololaland!

[someone-you-do-not-know]

please talk with me at length about the complexity of the itabros relationship because it drives me WILD. about romano being an embarrassment to veneziano. about veneziano being annoying to romano. about how much veneziano wants to and really does look up to his super cool big brother. about how proud romano is of his fratellino's accomplishments. just!!! them!!! i could go on for hours

YESSSSSS!!!!! This is so right andandandnadnandand–

Romano is really proud of Vene, and Vene does look up to Romano, but it's hard for Veneziano to admit that, because he's actually kind of self-conscious about what other people think of him, whereas I don't think Romano cares quite as much – and their bosses generally prefer Veneziano, which has made Romano disillusioned with governments as a whole.

Veneziano also has this thing, where he tries to be nice to people, but is actually a little insensitive, ESPECIALLY to Romano. He doesn't do it on purpose, and if Romano told him about it, he would probably try to stop, but Romano doesn't want to tell Vene that it hurts him, because he's supposed to be the older brother, dammit, and he can't let himself look weak to Vene. Veneziano is insensitive in the way that he is often too eager to hug, talks over people in excitement, etc., and Romano could never tell him to stop that. Even if it means he has to yell and curse to ever get a word in. Even if it means he ends up getting ignored.

Meanwhile, Veneziano is actually hyper conscious of a lot of things that doesn't faze his brother. When Romano has an angry outburst, Romano doesn't care that Germany and half the other European nations gives him the side eye, because that's his personality, that's who he is, and they can deal with it or fuck off, and Veneziano IS MORTIFIED. He wishes he could sweep his brother under the rug. He's trying to get places, to impress Germany, impress everyone, and sometimes, when he's really feeling it at 3 am in his bed, Veneziano can't help but feel Romano is dragging him down. But he can't hate Romano. It's his beloved big brother. His actual, real blood brother, unlike the rest of Europe, who he just tries to make a good impression towards. Veneziano knows Romano's love for him is unconditional, and he can't hate him for who he is.

At the same time, the two are just horrible at communicating. This is because they're estranged, Romano and Veneziano did not grow up together, and that makes their relationship all the more strained. If Romano has a problem, he talks to Spain, NOT Veneziano. If Veneziano has a problem, he complains to anyone who will listen, but he knows he's the only one who's going to fix it, and so, the boy gets to work, and fixes it. Veneziano is the kind of person who just does things, and other people and nations look to him, and think he's fighting insurmountable odds, but Vene never let that stop him before. He's a powerhouse of art and trade, he scared off Turkey when he was still a chibi. Veneziano grew up in Austria's household, but when the chips were down, he saved himself.

Romano... Is very misrepresented in canon (I made a post complaining about his representation in the Risorgimento previously). Romano had a pretty good handle on things inside South Italy, the problem is that anything outside of himself, Spain handled for him for a really long time. Now, there's all these northerners trying to meddle in his business, and they just don't get how his part of the nation functions – which led to a lot of the problems South Italy is still facing today. When they try to force change, Romano doesn't just follow suit, neither does his people. He rests in himself, Veneziano doesn't.

Someone will tell them both to do something they don't know how to, and Veneziano will do his damnedest to figure it out by himself – if he can't do it by himself, he'll give up. Romano will immediately give up, but then, once he's desperate enough ask for help. Romano believes in other people's (and nations') skills, although he has started to lose that belief more and more after The Spanish Succession War. Veneziano has been failed by others enough that he doesn't trust them. This is why, when Romano sees the unfair treatment of his people, he follows them to the US to build a new life. That's a viable solution to him, he can ask America for help, that's fine by Romano. Veneziano doesn't see it that way, he sees it as Romano abandoning him again. They had just started a new life together, and Romano up and leaves him. Veneziano knows about the unrest in his brother's lands, but he was trying to solve it for him, at least that's what Veneziano told himself, not even considering that Romano would hate all this outside interference. Romano likes help, right? So Veneziano just wanted to help. But to Romano, the help has to be there when he asks for it, and not a second before that – and it has to be in the way he asked for it.

To return to how bad they are at communicating, they don't discuss any of this. Romano believes Veneziano wouldn't get it, Veneziano believes Romano wouldn't care. So instead, they keep walking a tightrope, trying so hard to make the other feel their sincere brotherly love, always missing each other just by a few inches. So Romano tries to defend himself and Veneziano verbally, but he's too harsh, and Veneziano finds it deeply upsetting, because what would the others think. So Veneziano tries to take charge for both of them, lead in all matters economical and political and Romano is offended because he's once again left out of anything important, spoken over, ignored. And the worst part is, they both do it out of love for the other. It's clumsy, misunderstood, awkward, and so, so embarrassing to both of them. Veneziano is ashamed and anxious, Romano is offended and humiliated.

I just. I have so many things to say about the complicated history of Italy, and I'm still just trying to understand it.

[local-anaesthesia]

A Cure in Liyue: Kaeya x Fem!Reader One Shot

This one-shot is from my collection called "Postcards from Teyvat," originally posted on AO3. SUMMARY ---

You experienced an unexpected and unfamiliar illness, and Kaeya went to extraordinary measures to ensure your speedy recovery and restored health.

TAGS

---

Kaeya x Fem reader, sickness, fluff, gentle dom Kaeya

---

As the days passed, you have found yourself feeling more and more unwell. What had started as a simple cold had turned into something more serious, and it was starting to worry both you and your husband, Kaeya. He had been nothing short of a caring and loving partner, always by your side, helping you with whatever you needed.

One morning, as you woke up feeling particularly weak, Kaeya looked at you with concern in his eyes and asked, "Are you okay, my love?"

"I think it's just a cold," you replied, trying to sound reassuring. "I'll be fine, don't worry."

"Stay home, okay? I'll inform Jean that you won't be able to come to work. I'll also ask Sucrose to create something that might help you feel better," he said, his hand touching your warm forehead.

"Thank you, my love," you uttered, your eyes glistening with fever-induced moisture, feeling thankful that Kaeya was there for you.

Your colleagues at work noticed your poor perfomance while you were sick, making them send you home earlier than usual.

"For today, I'll handle my wife's responsibilities; she's been quite unwell, and I want her to have the chance to rest," Kaeya informed the acting grandmaster, Jean. Naturally, Jean assented, as she too shared concerns about your well-being.

"I truly hope she recovers quickly," Jean expressed, and Kaeya nodded solemnly in agreement.

Throughout the day, you found yourself repeatedly drifting in and out of sleep while confined to your bed. The fever led to peculiar dreams, and each time you awoke, you were soaked in sweat. Your activities were limited to short trips to the washroom or to grab a bite to eat; beyond that, you were too weak.

Summoning your resolve, you decided to make a cup of hot tea. Just as you were about to start, Kaeya returned home from work and noticed your attempt to set up the kettle.

"Please, have a seat there. Let me handle this. I wouldn't want you to accidentally burn yourself," he gently intervened, taking over the task you were grappling with.

With a contented sigh, you shifted to the couch and observed Kaeya as he prepared your tea.

"By the way, my love, you appear to be doing better," he inquired from a short distance.

"I'm still sweating from the fever, and my head is still spinning," you responded with a hint of frustration.

Kaeya arrived with your tea and settled down beside you, his hand instinctively reaching out to your forehead to gauge your fever.

"No need to concern yourself about work; I've already taken care of everything for you," Kaeya reassured, observing you as you took sips of your tea.

"Darling, you really didn't need to go to such lengths," you began to interject.

"Don't worry about it. I'm doing this willingly," he insisted, gently lowering your hand.

But the weeks went by, and you were still awfully sick. Kaeya had taken charge of the household, ensuring everything was in order so you could rest and recover. He cooked for you, cleaned the house, and made sure you had everything you needed. Yet, despite his efforts, your condition showed no signs of improvement.

Kaeya had never complained of the exhaustion brought on by the additional workload, both at work and at home. He was willing to go to great lengths as long as it was for your well-being.

As he swept the bedroom and you lay weakly on the bed, Kaeya inquired, "How did the potion Sucrose made for you work? Did you notice any changes?"

Your voice sounded feeble as you responded, "I haven't felt much of a difference."

Determined to find a solution, Kaeya ventured out to the nearest pharmacy in Mondstadt. He sought a cure for the mysterious ailment you were facing. Unfortunately, the pharmacy could only offer cold medicine, though Kaeya was convinced that your condition was more serious than a common cold.

During his walk through the city, Lisa stopped him. "Is your wife still unwell?" she asked.

Kaeya's expression turned somber as he replied, "Yes, unfortunately. Nothing seems to be working. I don't know what's wrong."

Lisa pondered for a moment before sharing her insight. "You know, I've read that Liyue possesses the most advanced medicine in all of Teyvat. Perhaps you should consider paying a visit. They might have a remedy that could help. They're ahead of Mondstadt when it comes to medical advancements."

Kaeya's motivation surged with newfound hope. The idea of traveling to Liyue to find a cure for you began to take shape in his mind.

—

Kaeya's worry only grew with each passing day, and he couldn't bear to see you suffer like this. "I'm going to travel to Liyue," he told you one day. "I'll visit Bubu Pharmacy. They have renowned medicine that might help you recover."

As much as you protested, he was determined to find a cure for you.

That evening, Kaeya busied himself with packing his belongings for his upcoming trip to Liyue.

He offered you reassurance, "Diluc will be here to take care of you while I'm away, my love. You don't need to worry." His fingers gently caressed your face, and he sealed his words with a tender kiss on your lips, providing you with a sense of comfort.

Your voice held a mixture of emotions as you replied, "I'm going to miss you so much."

His eyes softened as he gazed at you. "And I can't wait to see you back in full energy. I've missed that even more," he expressed before returning to his task of packing.

Soon enough, Diluc had arrived at your residence to stay for the duration of Kaeya's absence. Kaeya meticulously instructed him about your daily routine and the household tasks that needed attention.

"She needs to take these remedies both in the morning and at night, after meals. Please ensure her well-being. I trust you with this responsibility," Kaeya's words were solemn and unwavering, a rare display of seriousness from both brothers, with no room for compromise or questions.

During the days when Kaeya was absent, a sense of emptiness pervaded your life, but Diluc was there as a source of solace. You found yourself reflecting on your experiences—times when you had been without Kaeya for longer stretches, yet the current separation felt more challenging.

"Y/N, I've prepared some porridge. Would you prefer it brought to your bedside or served at the dining table?" Diluc's voice interrupted your musings, drawing you back to the present.

"Thank you, Diluc. The dining table is fine. I've been in bed for hours," you replied, slowly rising and slipping on your slippers.

Seated across from each other at the dining table, you observed Diluc's attempt at cooking. While his culinary skills might not have been top-notch, his effort held significance and that's what truly mattered.

"So, who's managing the winery while you're away, Diluc?" Seeking to break the silence with curiosity, you posed the question.

"Elzer is taking care of the winery in my absence, and Charles is handling the tavern. I trust both of them to manage things efficiently," Diluc responded, his tone maintaining a sense of formality.

Time went by as you anxiously anticipated your husband's return. Heartfelt cards accompanied bouquets of flowers from your friends, wishing you a speedy recovery and warming your heart.

Despite your weakened state, you busied yourself tending to the flowers you had received, determined to stay occupied. The monotony of bedrest and being confined to your home left you feeling restless and bored.

While changing the water in one of the vases, your eyes fell upon a picture of you and Kaeya hanging on the wall. Memories of that moment flooded back, and a wave of longing for him washed over you. How much you missed him.

Diluc, once again checking in on you, asked, "Y/N, how are you feeling?"

"I'm managing, though my joints seem to be giving me trouble for some reason," you replied, becoming accustomed to the limitations of your weakened body.

The following day, as you carefully relocated the flower vase to a spot with ample sunlight near the window, the sound of the door swinging open reached your ears.

"I've got the medicine!" Kaeya's voice carried a palpable sense of relief as he entered, clutching a vial in his hand.

Your heart leapt with joy, and you rushed over to him, embracing him tightly. His warm whisper brushed against your ear, "I hope this finally brings you back to health," his hug enveloping you in a comforting embrace.

Observing the scene from a distance, Diluc witnessed the two of you in the midst of your embrace. While you held onto Kaeya, he noticed Kaeya give him a subtle nod, signifying that his mission was accomplished and acknowledging Diluc's efforts.

In response, Diluc offered a silent nod in return, mentally preparing to take his leave from your home.

Upon beginning the medication, you experienced a notable enhancement in your well-being. Your vision sharpened, the fever subsided, and the discomfort in your joints diminished.

Kaeya shared his experiences during his journey to Liyue, detailing his encounters with significant figures like Lady Ningguang and the nation's Archon, Zhongli. He proceeded to describe the composition of the remedy, its ingredients, and the nature of the illness it was meant to address.

His love was ethereal, like a guiding light that never dimmed. He had traveled all the way to Liyue, seeking a cure for you, and that act of love and devotion touched your heart in ways you could never express.

As you regained your strength, you looked at Kaeya with gratitude and love. "Thank you," you whispered with voice filled with emotion. "You've done so much for me. I don't know what I would do without you."

He smiled gently, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "You don't have to thank me. Taking care of you is my duty and my privilege. I love you, and I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

[papa-evershed]

Hellooooo! Here’s me crashing into your ask box to wish you a very happy, happy birthday!

I thought I’d ask you if you can remember some specific scenes/moments from a show and/or movie that triggered your “Oh, I need to gif this IMMEDIATELY!” desire.

And please do go ham on your reply, you know very well how much I enjoy them.

Have an amazing day! 🧡

Hey!!! I fucking love you! I don't know how the hell you manage to to do everything you do, but now you've gone and inspired me to start a fandom-friends birthday calendar. 😂😂 I legit admire how you always reach out to people and remember everyone!! But thank you so much for the birthday wishes, it's been a pretty good day so far so I can't complain! 🥰

As for moments I just had to gif?! There's been a fuck ton throughout the years and the men. 😅I'll answer under a cut for length and lets see what all my old lady brain can remember. 👵 I apologize in advance for how long this could potentially get and just how random the gifs probably are. I never feel inspired to gif cool scenes with witty dialogue, I just gif for thirst reasons because I'm a dumpster of a human. ETA: It got really long and didn't even scratch the surface tbh.

For Rob, I'll start with this one. I feel like I post it every time someone asks me about my favorite gifs or moments but listen, that man's god damn belly makes me feral. The context of the scene is also just peak Dad™ for me so it was 10000/10, absolutely had to gif this the second I watched:

This is an interview but you know when you first start checking out a new dude and you see gifs from interviews/shows where they look particularly tasty and you're immediately like I must find this and watch it or else I will perish. That was this interview for me. And how could it not be? Again...BELLY. Hairy belly. Just big, soft, delicious man meat. And thighs. As soon as I found it I had to gif it for myself so I could make it as obnoxiously big as humanly possible.

I watched this zoom live and the moment this motherfucker turned his head my brain said "gif it". Profile? Nose? Greys?

And this shot too. This man was fucking born to smile, he puts his whole ass into it.

This. His arms here. This scene was dark af but I knew I had to gif it anyway. I adore the shape of this man. It feels so fucking real to me. Soft belly, sizeable arms that still look natural. It's realistic, it's comfy, it's fucking sexy. He's just fucking man-shaped.

I don't even have to tell you why because I know you get it.

I'm an American what do you want from me? 🤡 I'm just kidding, it's not because of the gun. 😅IDK if you've watched Downton, but Thomas is just such a fucking capable man. There isn't a task they set him to that he doesn't excel at and I just felt like it was always overlooked and underappreciated by everyone around him. That shot and scene inspired an entire gifset I made about him being a man of many talents.🤓

I can't even explain it, I just knew I needed it. He just looks so man sized. And fuzzy. Just...go off daddy.

You and I both know I'd suck a dick for a good profile shot. The greys, the nose, the man...👀

I can't post all the gifs from this scene/episode so I'll settle for this one. But I knew immediately I'd be giffing it until my fingers hurt (that legit happens y'all, I'm old 👵) Not only did he spend some time in this episode being the soft, caring uncle but he did it in a cozy sweater and it was like they were sure to hit all my weaknesses at once. Soft cozy men? 👀Then they were kind enough to give us the most beautiful close-up shots of his face. And the boy just has a beautiful fucking face.

For old times' sake, I'm gonna include some Jon just for you but to be fair, I liked him for seven damn years so there were a lot. Too many to list or even remember. But here's a few that maybe aren't the obvious shots!

This one. I remember everyone losing their shit over his ass but I was losing my mind over that "soft flash of belly" (really, I was always fangirling the hardest over scenes where Jon looked softer than he really was so we shouldn't be shocked I eventually left for a man with a beer belly 😅)

Speaking of which, this scene too!

And of course, anytime he was covered in blood. I think I actually giffed this exact shot 5 or 6 different times.

And, the obligatory back of his head shot. There are so many here I could post because pretty much anytime I saw the back of Jon's head I immediately needed a gif of it but we'll go with this one, it was probably slept on a little bit.

Alright this is long enough! Bless anyone for reading this long. 😳 But legit, thanks for the fun ask and for the birthday wishes, Stef! 🥰🥰 Your kindness is one of the reasons I will always appreciate having been in Jon's fandom!

[blubberquark]

More Types Of Comments

What does this do?

Document what the function does. Doxygen/Python docstrings, and JavaDoc are usually this kind of comment.

draw_arrow(A: Point2D, B: Point2D, length: float, width: float) -> None draws an arrow from A to B. The arrow starts at A. If the distance between A and B is less than length, the arrow is drawn to end at B, otherwise it starts at A and points towards B, with length of length.

You see this kind of code most often in library code, and still frequently but less often in application code.

How does this work

Document how the function does it. This is not the same as documenting what it does, but sometimes the "how" is part of the contract of the function. If a function is called sort(), then there is less "how" in the contract than when it is called bubble_sort().

These comments are usually simple comments, /* like this */, #or like this. They don't show up in generated documentation, and are only used when people actually touch the code.

They sometimes contain references to papers, Wikipedia, or textbooks, to help with understanding the code.

/* bail on error before allocating frobnicator */

// all coordinates relative to per-sprite origin

/* Implementation follows naming scheme from Klapfenheimer et. al, 2005 */

These types of comments should not state the obvious, like how a for-loop works, but only the tricky bits.

Why is this here

Document architectural decisions. I already made a post about this. This is more common in application code, but can also be found in library code. Instead of documenting the function itself, explain where it's called from, and why it is here and not somewhere else. This type of comment is especially important, because it's what you can't infer from the implementation.

How to use this

Not everything that the API allows is a good idea. I expanded on this here.

Sometimes the API contract is more than just a function call, and it requires the caller to behave in a certain way. Some require the caller to check for certain error codes, some require the caller to check for the availability of certain subsystems or back-ends, or to initialise a system before using it.

In this case, you can't just determine the behaviour of an API call by trying it out, and you can't just use integration tests to see if it works. API consumers must call the API correctly, and interpret return values correctly.

Don't touch

The most important, most contentious type of comment. Document something because a problem is obvious and readily apparent from just looking at the code, but that's actually false, and the code is correct.

/* This check seems redundant, but it's left this way for clarity and ease of refactoring. * Expect this code to move around, but the preconditions to remain the same */

/* We cannot count from zero, we have to go in reverse order */

/* This is necessary because of a library quirk that only happens on Mac OS. Your test suite is lying to you */

/* Static analysis will warn you this line is superfluous, but if we take this away, static analysis will complain about a case that can never happen and CI will not allow us to merge */

// Dear programmer: // When I wrote this code, only god and // I knew how it worked. // Now, only god knows it! // // Therefore, if you are trying to optimize // this routine and it fails (most surely), // please increase this counter as a // warning for the next person: // // total hours wasted here = 254 //

/* Implementation follows naming scheme from Klapfenheimer et. al, 2005 */

It's not just to describe how the code works and why, but to tell future programmers "I know what you're probably thinking, but I thought about that, too. Trust me on this one, I tried it and it does not work."

[fangirleaconmigo]

Since production seems to be ramping up on season 3 do you think there’s any chance Jaskier will catch a break from the whole “everyone hates/doesn’t respect him” thing you wrote about in a post a while back? Because I’m with you in the sense that it’s not as funny as the writers seem to think and it’s actually really depressing when you think about it for any length of time. I want to believe he might finally get a friend or something this season but I don’t trust the writers at all not to just have him be the rest of the character’s punching bag in kaer morhen all this season :(

You know, that's a good question. I'll speculate, but fair warning, almost all of my predictions for S2 were wrong. (lolsob)

(also, for the people just joining us, they are referring to this post)

The showrunner said on twitter that Jaskier is in S3 from the beginning. Now, her predictions also turn out to be inaccurate sometimes as well. XD But if that is the case, I think they will have to develop his relationships with other people,? I think? Just by sheer presence in scenes?

Joey seems to want that, and they seem to let the actors make suggestions?

The actors obviously don't decide the plot or the episode beats, but they do have influence. Joey and Anya both said that they begged for Yennefer and Jaskier to spend a bit more time together. They have both said that relationships fascinates them and they wanted it to have more time, and look what we got! So within reason and within limits, they seem to have influence.

I was absolutely gobsmacked by the bounteous gift of Yenskier that we got. After his relationship with Geralt was sidelined so much, the last thing I expected was to get Jaskier's friendship with Yen onscreen.

So, I learned that there is no way I can predict. But if Jaskier is in it for all or most episodes, and he and Anya are still pushing for further development of their relationship (and the way they talk about it, they very much are) we will at least get that.

In the books, Dandelion is A Lot , but he has a solid spread of people who despise him (Djikstra, lol), complain about him and want to dislike him but who admit they actually like him against their better judgment (Nenneke), hates him (with good reason) then come to love him (Yen), and just plain loves him from first meeting (Geralt and Ciri). Then he has a ton of developed, existing friendships (Zoltan, Yarpen, Dudu, Essi, Milva, Regis, Shani, and on and on), and many many fans.

Hopefully we see more of that. And I was so delighted by his relationship with Yennefer S2 that I'm chomping at the bit for more of that. And dear god, please, I beg them for a crumb of Geralt and Dandelion antics. They are so goddamn entertaining and allow us to see such a great side of Geralt that I love dearly. And I'd kill for some sweet Jaskier and Ciri interactions. (If anyone is interested, I wrote about Jaskier and Ciri's book relationship here)

I am here for the found family and friendships. That's why I show up to anything, be it book, tv, or movie. So I hope we get some more of that.

[readerhead]

All along

summary: he was the worst that had happened to you, right? (part 2 of "the fella over there", but you can read it independently)

pairing: Matt Murdock × fem!reader

warnings: drinking but none really I think

word count: 3.4k

a/n: first of all thank you so much for love you gave my first fic! I'm really excited, it has almost 100 notes and it feels surreal. I really enjoyed making it and I hope y'all liked it at least as much as you liked the first part. Not gonna lie, I'm a little afraid of ruining it by making a second part, but hey! I'm posting it anyways. This took me longer than expected but here I am. Also, sorry if there's any legal inaccuracy, I'm more of science girl :)

----------------------------------

"Karen, please, entertain Matt. I need to make a call." she nodded and got up straight to Matt's office. They were working on a case and Foggy knew that Matt wouldn't like that he was calling you for help. He hated feeling like he was betraying his best friend but they really need you so he searched for you in his contacts. 

"Hey Foggy Bear, how's it going?" you loved to call him by the nickname Marci gave him when they were together. It wasn't that funny but his reaction would always be hilarious. 

"Ugh. You know I hate it." 

"That's the main point of doing it." you laughed. "Uh, you aren't complaining, what do you need my help for this time?" 

"What? No-" his high-pitched voice gave him away. "Shit, alright... I might need your advice in a legal case" 

"Uuuh. Now that's interesting. What's about?" you were intrigued. 

"Some health insurance issue" 

"Sounds fun. Fuck-" you had to go back to your work, a mouse just escaped from its cage. "See you at six at your office, I'll bring dinner." Foggy was going to warn you that Matt would be there too, but you hang up. 

You trapped that slippery mouse successfully, maybe if you ask the now broken flask that was in your way it wouldn't use that word but it was an object, it doesn't have an opinion. You finished your work and went to the Thai place you loved. You ordered more than enough food because you thought that maybe the new secretary they had hired not so long ago would be there. You took the food and began your way to your best friend's office. In the meantime, Foggy tried to convince Matt to leave the office but he was being so suspicious about it that Matt stayed out of curiosity. They were arguing about it when they heard a knock on the door and in that moment he recognized your heartbeat. 

"Damn, Foggy. Her? You know she doesn't stand me." Matt sighed and closed his eyes while rubbing his forehead. 

"You don't make it easier for her, you're always bothering her." Foggy tried to reason. 

"Yeah, because every single time I tried to be nice to her, she didn't care and made the most bitter comment. So now at I least have some fun about it." 

"You know it wasn't always like that" and just before Matt could say anything Karen opened the door. 

"Hi! You must be Karen." she knew you were coming, Foggy told her about you. "Foggy told me a lot about you. He was right when he said you were pretty." you smiled at her and she returned it with a light blush in her cheeks. 

"Yes, that would be me. I suppose you are the famous college friend who taught him how to comb his hair." you laugh at the memory of Foggy's appearance when you met. 

"We had almost the same length of hair back then." in that moment he stepped out of Matt's office. 

"Stop mocking about my old look, we have serious work to do." you couldn't help it. You ran towards him and hugged him, he was almost like a brother to you despite being your best friend's ex. When you finished, you smacked his shoulder. He was beyond confused but not surprised. 

"You don't have any type of shame. You only call me to meet when you need my help. You'll have to invite me to that horrible eel liquor so I can forgive you." 

"What about you help us and then we go to Josie's?" 

"Dea-" just when you were about to settle the agreement Matt entered the room. "Shit." you spat that word almost inaudible. "Foggy didn't we talk about this?" you whispered to him. 

"About what?" Matt asked. 

"That every time we met in the office you wouldn't be here." Foggy just couldn't lie to Matt, could he? 

"Oh, so her being here is normal?" he sounded more in disbelief than offended. Karen was watching curiously the uncomfortable scene develop. 

"Relax, Murdock. I only spat in your mug twice, the other times Foggy was watching." 

"I was talking to him." he hissed. 

"Sometimes?" Foggy tried. "I don't know. She is my friend and I want her to see our accomplishments, like having our own office." 

"Enough of the chit-chat. It's his office too, of course if I came it was a matter of time that I came across him. I just hoped it lasted longer." you were well aware that they were not only best friends but also associates, you knew this was coming sooner than later. "So Foggy, show me the files, we have work to do. He can join if he is able to be in the same room as me, it's his case too after all." you entered the conference room before letting Matt a chance to talk and Karen followed suit. Foggy went to his office for the documents. 

"You can come if you behave." 

"I'm not a dog, Foggy." Matt groaned. 

"Well, they have good hearing and smell." Foggy pointed out before entering the room where Karen was filling you up about the case while you spread all the take-out. 

"So the insurance company has sued them for fraud? What fraud can a medium-low class family of Hell's Kitchen commit?" you were asking just when the guys walked through the door. 

"The company says that our clients are not related and they are using the family insurance because it's cheaper." Foggy explained while giving you the files. 

"And I suppose you already searched for every document confirming that the father is the legal guardian." The ones that caught your attention were their medical records. 

"Yes, and we have them. But we need to know what's the proof of said accusations to build the case." you break the chopsticks to eat while you read the files. 

"Oh fuck, that surgery isn't cheap, they really need this." you said when you saw that the father needed an aortic valve replacement. 

"Thanks for stating the obvious." 

"You're welcome, Murdock. I knew you needed it." he could be the best with the flirty comebacks but with the poisoned ones he would never beat you. 

"Hey guys, no fights." Foggy warned. "Just make some kind of truce for tonight." 

"Ugh, alright. I brought enough food for the four of us so I guess you can have some." 

"He would love some, he loves that Thai place." Foggy interrupted before Matt could have the chance to speak. You were upset with yourself for having the same taste as him. 

"Thanks" he muttered like a scolded child. 

"Did they tell you that he was his biological son?" you asked when you started reading de son's record. You had already read the parent's files and all the insurance papers. 

"They didn't use that word but they were very graphic about his birth's story." Foggy grimace at the memory. "Why?" 

"Well, then those are some fucked up news to give." 

"What happened? Did you find something?" Karen asked. 

"Do any of you remember anything about basic genetics?" their looks were as if you were talking in Chinese. 

"Like dominant genes?" Karen tried. 

"Tell us what you found." Matt was getting frustrated. 

"A 'please' wouldn't kill you." you murmured "The son's blood type is AB, so his parents would have to be A, B or AB." 

"I'm assuming they aren't, right?" Matt was the first to understand your line of thoughts. 

"Both 0. Either they lied to you or the hospital changed their baby." 

"They didn't." how could he be so sure? Not like he was he a human lie detector or something.

"So when we win the case, we can sue the hospital, too." Karen was pretty excited, after all if their clients received that money they would be the first to pay that month. Or year. 

"So does that mean celebration? I really need that drink you owe me." 

"We haven't finished the case." of course Mr. Grumpy would have something to say. 

"Come on, man! We had been all week in this case, I think it can wait another day." Foggy put his puppy eyes but it was impossible that Matt knew that. 

"No problem, if he wants it so bad he can stay here." Matt's jaw tensing didn't go unnoticed by you but you didn't mind. You got up to pick up the remains of the take-out and threw it in the trash.

"Actually, I wanna go." your smile dropped a little, you hoped he wouldn't come and he smiled knowingly. Bastard. 

You took your purse while the others were archiving the files. The four of you headed to Josie's, you were talking to Karen while the boys were behind. You grew very fond of her, she was a very sweet woman but the fire of bravery clearly escaping her eyes. When you arrived at the place, Foggy wasted no time to go and get the drinks. You spent all the time catching up with Foggy and getting to know Karen better. You were a few drinks in when the conversation took a strange turn. 

"What do you think of the Devil of Hell's Kitchen?" Karen asked. The boys were now focused on your reaction, you would have noticed it if there wasn't alcohol in your organism.

"Oh I actually like him. And he's hot." you took another sip. "You know all that whole altruism vibe is attractive as hell. And I don't know, all the guys I've liked always have some big red flag, guess his are his anger issues." Foggy was laughing too hard but you didn't care.

"And if he was someone like Matt?" where did that question come from? Surely it was just Foggy trying to mess with you.

"How can Daredevil be blind?" you were kind of confused.

"No, I mean if his personality was like Matt's." you let an understanding sound.

"He wouldn't Matt so I guess it would be alright. I mean, I'm sure the two Ds don't stand for Daredevil… More like 'dat dic-"

"Fine, we heard enough." Foggy cut you, Karen was laughing out loud and you could see Matt trying to hide how funny he found your answer. Weird. He usually would make some comment on how ordinary it was.

"Why? You don't like him?"

"I like him. But you're making me nauseous."

"I'm going for the next round." Matt got up and headed to the bar counter but the smile didn't leave his face, it amused him that much?

"So what's the problem between you two?" curiosity was one of her most obvious characteristics.

"Always so straightforward, blondie?" you had a habit of giving people nicknames after knowing them for a short time.

"I just like the truth." she shrugged. 

"Right." you stopped to think how you could tell the story. "I don't hate him, it's just that I see his face and I can't help getting upset."

"It wasn't always like that." Foggy continued. "The first night they met they slept together." Karen gasped, she evidently didn't expect that. You punched him in your mind.

"You're making it sound like we had sex!" you rubbed your temples. "We just cuddled." Foggy looked at you as saying 'if you don't tell her I will'. "And we might have made out" you say loud enough so they could hear you and try to avoid the scarlet in your cheeks. 

"Now all makes sense!" you looked at her confused while taking a sip. "All that back and forth is accumulated sexual tension!" the liquor almost came out of your nose.

"Are you crazy?"

"I think she's right. If it hadn't been for Eve you two would had fucked and probably be in a relationship right now." the expression on your face was as if you thought that an alien with a Norwegian accent giving birth on your couch made more sense.

"Who's Eve?"

"It's the nickname she gave Matt's ex. Her name was Elektra and their relationship was kinda… toxic. She was pretty reckless. And him being catholic just made it the perfect nickname." probably Karen was discovering more stuff about the boys in one night with you than in all the months she knew them.

"So you're mad at him because he chose her?"

"What? No. In any case, I'm sulky because after a week of spending one of the best nights of my life at that moment he was fucking one of my best friends. Not like I cared about that but instead of making another friend I lost one. I didn't even want a partner, I just thought we connected in some way"

"Is that true?" you froze in your place, afraid to turn around. He had to be there, could it be more cliche? What's next? Josie was going to start singing about how she lost the love of her life for fear. You could see the apologetical looks on Foggy and Karen's faces. He said your name and this time you turned around.

"Oh, hi Murdock! Didn't see you. I was just messing around with my new friend." it couldn't have sounded more awkward and anyone could tell that you were lying. You couldn't read his face. Was he mad? Disappointed? Just curious? What the hell was he thinking?

"Was that true?" he repeated, leaving the drinks at the table. 

"I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of answering."

"Don't be childish."

"It is not, it's law related. I'm abiding by the fifth amendment." you cross your arms in your chest.

"Karen, I'll take you home." you heard Foggy and saw them going in your peripheral sight.

"Why did you start this bicker when you didn't want to?" 

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Don't gaslight me. Is it because you were jealous of Elektra? I thought she told me that you were mad about some boy you had a fling or something." 

"You're kinda stupid for a summa cum laude." you whispered under your breath.

"Cut the bullshit and explain something." he raised his voice.

"I fucking liked you, Matthew!" you finally exploded, now all eyes in the room were looking at your direction.

"What?" his brows frowned.

"God! You were the guy, I just never told her about you and she liked you so I wasn't going to ruin my friend's happiness by being selfish."

"So it was better treating me like shit?"

"It wasn't fair but it was the easiest. She was possessive so if she thought I hated you she wouldn't get mad at me."

"So you never hated me? Then why do you keep the act?" the sound that left your mouth seemed like a laugh.

"Because now I do. I really hate you. Not only you had to make me think that not every boy was going to treat me as shit like my stupid ex did, but you also have to take one of my best friends from me. I suffered because of you." a tear of helplessness slipped down your face until it reached your chin. "And the fucking worst? You were fucking oblivious to everything." you took your bag and left the bar.

"Are you blaming me for falling for Elektra after you started treating me like shit? I didn't even knew you two were friends at that moment." he followed you outside, he wasn't done.

"Listen, Matt. I could have dealt with that, believe me, I did it. But I have not seen my friend since then. I ended up alone and shattered because of you. I don't wanna think how miserable I would have been if I hadn't met Foggy and Marci." your voice broke. Shit, now he would know and you just wanted to go.

"That's not fair. I wanted to go on a date with you, but the next time I saw you I was confused because you didn't even look at me. Believe me, I never wanted to do anything to hurt you." he reached for your hand and you were so focused in the conversation that you didn't even notice.

"If you weren't a flirt, she wouldn't have fallen for you and we could have gone on that date." you sighed, tired of fighting.

"I didn't even flirt with her, I was nice to her because I was in a good mood thinking of you but the next day I tried to call you and you didn't even bother to answer." in that moment you realize he was really close and your hand in his, heat making its way up your face.

"Guess now you know why." you looked away. One touch and you were all soft for him.

"I never hated you." you looked at him again. You went silent trying to organize your thoughts.

"I think I didn't either. I think I just paid all my frustrations with you." you admitted in a low voice, only for him to hear. "Should we start over?"

"Not a chance." you were very confused. "There's no way I could forget the night we met. We can start from there if you like." 

"I would love that." a wide smile appeared across your face.

"So… Can I take you to that date?"

"Now? Everything except Josie's is closed." he let out a small chuckle.

"I was thinking more about this weekend. Now I could walk you home."

"Oh, right. Yeah. Perfect." you were blushing too hard and you cursed yourself for acting like a teenager with a crush.

You two talked all the way home. Sometimes your responses were bitter commentaries out of habit, but the rest of the time it felt like that first magical night. He didn't let your hand go since he had taken it out of Josie's and you didn't want him to do it, that spark that kept you glued to him dancing years ago was now a fire, you had to assume that you could get drunk in his touch even if it was only his finger lightly tracing your arm. Right at that moment, you hated your apartment for not being more far away, but you were totally sober by then. You stopped at your door and turned to face him.

"This is mine's." How the fuck someone says goodbye to your enemy who you recently realized you liked? You were a little lost in your thoughts when he called you.

"About earlier… I mean it. I never, not even for a moment, have a trace of hate for you. In fact, it was the opposite. I liked you a lot and it hurt me thinking it was one-way." you saw his sad expression and it mixed with his low voice. In that moment, you regretted every decision you made about that situation. It wasn't your fault, but neither was his. All those miscommunications led to making it the bad time for you two. Or perhaps it was fate, so now both of you could be here, at your doorstep, pouring out your hearts to each other.

"Matt…" your hand reached his cheek, getting both of you closer and he leaned on it.

You didn't know what to say, so your body took action. You closed the space between you two with a kiss. His right hand found your waist and his left one unalced your fingers to reach for your neck, right under your ear. It was a soft kiss, kinda melancholic. Your feelings were showing through it. When his tongue made the way into your mouth, all that changed. It was the passion of all those years of waiting. If his touch was inebriating, his kisses were the definition of being high because of a bad hard drug. And you realized you were screwed, the withdrawal effects were going to be wildly unbearable. You were the first to back up, but give him a little peck before speaking. 

"You want… Um…" you were hesitant but you knew what you wanted and it was him. "get in?" You didn't know where your usual fierceness was. This was odd, but when you looked back into his eyes you knew why. You were vulnerable for him, but what really startled you was your next conclusion: you didn't care.

His response was grinning and going back to your mouth. Through the kiss you tried to find your keys and how you did it's still a mystery to you because the feeling of his lips, tongue and hands was the most deconcentrating experience you have ever had. You tried to make your way to the bedroom but the couch was closer and both of your clothes were disappearing by seconds. Maybe Karen was kinda right, maybe all that hatred was instead something else. Maybe it wasn't only sexual tension. Perhaps, it was more. Maybe and just maybe it was love all along.

----------------------------------

a/n: kinda feel 'The night we met' by Lord Huron fits it, idk.

[toxictoad]

Okay so as promised (By me, to me) I am writing about Deimos!

He's by far my favorite Durge and the first essay length bit of this is JUST for Act 1. Acts 2 and 3 will be in reblogs at some point

Also who knows I might make a post about his days in the dead three at some point (Read; probably soon because this boy has rotted my brain from the inside out).

You know the drill by now. ADHD ramble under the cut.

Deimos wakes up on the Nautiloid with a specific set of items on him. I don't feel like opening a save just to look at the starting inventory, but the thing that matters here is the book Paladin Oaths and Their Tenets;

(Interesting thing- This book is nowhere on the wiki. I would put it on there myself but I don't understand how wiki editing really works)

This book, I kid you not, is the most important part of roleplaying Deimos for me. He wakes up with no memories, head pounding, covered in blood, but he has tenets, and he WILL follow them (He's Oath of Devotion btw).

In addition to the text of the book, I headcanon that there are little notes in the margins of the pages- doodles and little jokes. Just stuff you would do if you were bored and had an old book on you.

Waking up on the beach, his immediate priority isn't necessarily survival or taking in his surroundings, it's his fucked up brain. I think a lot of people downplay how goddamn TERRIFYING it is to not have any memories. Like I've had days where I was sick and couldn't remember anything, and it was genuinely distressing, and this is like... 100 times worse than that.

So he panics, a little, and goes through all the items on his person. He has armor and a Warhammer, and... this book. He reads through it, and his thought is "Okay, I'm a paladin. That's something" And he finds a symbol of Ilmater drawn in the book and goes "Okay, that's my god probably. So I know two (2) things about myself! Awesome"

Thing is; Deimos is an amnesiac with 8 intelligence. He can kind of guess what Ilmater's followers believe, but the specifics are lost on him. The result is the funniest paladin to ever paladin.

Just imagine you're like... Shadowheart. This dude saves you from a Mindflayer pod. He seems nice enough when he's not complaining about a headache, and he's a competent fighter. You ask him who his god is and he's like "Uh... Ilmater, I guess." And you're like "...Okay" because you're a secret Shar worshipper so you kind of get being weird about deities, but Ilmater is a very acceptable god to follow and you're pretty sure he's not lying, but then why is he being weird about it. This guy is extremely devoted to his tenets but he's not even 100% sure what they are. He makes every moral decision based off of a book in his pocket and a general idea of what paladins/Ilmater devotees are like that may or may not be accurate. He doesn't even know how to pray, but he's pretty sure he's supposed to do it. The only thing he seems 100% sure about is his name, but at this point, you wouldn't be surprised if he got it off of a roadsign somewhere.

He's so fucking weird.

Deimos is incredibly freaked out by the urges, because obviously. After Shadowheart the first person he finds is Gale, and their first meeting is wonderfully awkward because Gale is being himself and Deimos is distracted by the fact that he really wanted to chop off this guy's hand like 15 seconds ago.

And then... Astarion.

Look, Durgestarion is canon in my heart and you have to deal with it now.

Deimos is incredibly easy to manipulate but in the weirdest way possible. Basically, if you can convince him that doing something is morally sound, or even just morally neutral but you really want him to do it? He'll just fucking do it. The Gur scene was the first real test of this:

Astarion: Hey this guy sucks Deimos: No he doesn't be cool What's his face: I'm hunting a vampire spawn named Astarion Deimos (Internally): Hm... Astarion is Good... and hunting good people is bad... So hunting Astarion is bad... Astarion: Please can I kill him? Deimos: Yeah okay

(Note; Deimos' definition of a "Good person" is a person he likes and who hasn't done anything morally bankrupt in his line of sight. Astarion encourages him to do bad things but so does his brain so he just doesn't listen to either of them)

However; The Urges. My way of thinking is that instead of doing horrible violence and mutilation and cannibalism whenever the option presents itself he just does something funny and kind of rude (This is the only reason he has high approval with Astarion. Astarion is constantly getting him to do weird confusing shit for his own amusement. Baa-ing at the redcaps in the swamp? 100% Astarion's influence. Threatening a magic mirror? 60% Astarion's influence and 40% because Deimos is a little bit of a himbo and doesn't like it when things try to test his intelligence. He is not a riddle person).

I cannot stress enough how weird this man appears to everyone who meets him. Friend or foe everyone around who talks to him for more than five minutes is hit with confusion. He rolls up to the scene with Kagha and Arabella and ignores the Dark Urge, only to immediately go "Hey I'm a paladin I can cast judgment on things" (A thing he is not sure that paladins actually do but he says it with confidence) and instead of making any moral arguments he's just like "I don't fuck with you snake lady let the kid go." He has high charisma but only uses it for persuasion. Ragzlin is like "The squid man showed me ur face time to die" and he just goes "No, lol." Withers wakes up to the literal chosen of Bhaal in Ilmateri getup and asks what the value of a life is and he says "Idk it's based on vibes." Astarion convinces him that the extra supplies that keep appearing in camp are a result of his charm and that he's totally not stealing from traders and Deimos goes "Yes that makes perfect sense" while Wyll is losing his goddamn mind.

Pretty early on in the game I found a book (I'm pretty sure it's A is for Azuth and Other Gods 6? Can you tell that a lot of roleplay is based around books for me) That has Ilmater, and between this children's book and the general assumptions people make about him, he can guess that he's supposed to be a martyr. It isn't his natural instinct, but he takes to it surprisingly well (His fighting style is protection, by the way. It's useless in combat but thematically appropriate so I don't care). I also think that he would encourage Gale to ramble about Ilmater because the man is like Forgotten Realms Google and this is probably his most trustworthy source of information for a while. I think Deimos really likes Gale because he talks a lot and helps drown out the murder thoughts.

So Deimos keeps up the facade-but-not-really-a-facade of being a brave, kind, selfless person who puts everyone before himself, and he tells his companions that he has dark thoughts and impulses, but they tell him that it's normal, and who is he to question them? (Again, he is easily convinced by things in weird ways. He trusts basically anyone more than he trusts his own brain, right now)

...And then Alfira comes to camp.

OH BOY. Okay so I have done playthroughs where I knock out Alfira and kill the Dragonborn bard instead, but I've been trying really hard not to metagame in this run so sadly our lovely tiefling bard is no longer with us. Deimos' honest first reaction to finding out he gored her is... to laugh.

Not a happy laugh, mind you- He's horrified, but his first thought is that he's broken his Oath, and then that that is decidedly not the first thing he should be thinking after he killed an innocent woman. So he laughs at the irony, and then he cries, and then he vomits. He cleans the blood off his hands but not because he wants to hide what he did. He just thinks that if he has to feel the blood on his fingers for one more second then he's going to go insane.

He never really stops feeling the blood. It will always be there.

My party at this point was Karlach, Astarion, and Wyll, and... Ouch. I felt like physical pain the first time I played Durge and everyone was mad at me. I think Deimos has that experience, here.

He wants to cry but he knows that he doesn't deserve to be upset about this. He vows that no innocent will ever die at his hand again, and sequesters himself in the ruin with the magic mirror in it and prays. He doesn't know how,really, but something in him remembers what a prayer for forgiveness sounds like. He begs Ilmater to listen to his repentance. Deimos carries a permanent, bone-deep guilt, but this is the first time he feels it so keenly.

He must read his tenets a hundred times, that day. He asks Withers to bring her back, but he understands why he can't. This is a burn on his conscience. She's at peace now, at least.

He is not, but what he feels doesn't matter.

(He is still immensely relieved that his oath is still intact. Breaking his oath might as well be breaking Deimos, and there's no telling what he will do once he's broken)

But, while everyone else is horrified, scared, or maybe just annoyed with Deimos, Astarion doesn't hate him.

And, look... Deimos' moral compass is literally a book, and the book doesn't say that he can't like a guy who thinks it's funny when you tell kids they're gonna die. He just really wants someone to not hate him, so now his best friend is a guy with an extremely underdeveloped moral compass. I think he clocks pretty early on that Astarion is manipulating him. But also... he doesn't care.

Deimos has always been- pre and post lobotomy- loyal to a fault. He was loyal to his foster family until Bhaal made him kill them. He was loyal to Bhaal and Saverok and even Orin. He was loyal to Gortash and Ketheric. He is a paladin at heart, whether that be under Bhaal or Ilmater. He is loyal and dutiful and constantly wracked with guilt.

Guilt for disobeying his father. Guilt for caring about people. Guilt for his past. Guilt for his urges. He's catholic coded.

So just like he was loyal to Bhaal he becomes loyal to Ilmater. Just like he was loyal to Gortash and Ketheric (Yeah, I'm going there) he becomes loyal to Astarion.

And like, he sleeps with Astarion, and he doesn't mind it, and for all his manipulation they do actually like each other, and then the tiefling party happens...

And look... Deimos knows that Astarion is lying when he says "I love you." He knows and acknowledges that fact and he can fully see that Astarion is pulling his strings like a good little puppet.

...And he just doesn't care. He lets himself believe, if only for a night, that someone loves him, despite his hands that are stained with blood and death and secrets.

And he lets Astarion feed on him, and they travel through the Underdark, and Deimos tries to hold his broken brain together.

The Grym fight is a weirdly potent moment for him, because I think that's when it really hits his companions that Deimos... Just does not value his own life.

Because at this point my party was Shadowheart, Karlach, and Astarion. Astarion and Deimos lure Grym onto the crucible, and Astarion can disengage and jump away. Karlach takes out the last of the magma mephits, and Shadowheart is next to the crucible lever.

Deimos can't disengage, though, and he cast survival instinct on Astarion earlier. So he drinks a potion of superior healing, and he tells Shadowheart to pull the lever.

Astarion's "No, my sweet bloodthirsty friend!" UGH I love it.

But Deimos (barely) survives (Which in reality means "Yay I don't have to use a scroll of revivify" but I want my angst so shhh)

They long rest, and the next day it's up to the mountain pass. I... really don't have a lot to say about the Githyanki Creche? Except that I know that Deimos just follows Lae'zel's lead on this. He bows to Vlaakith, and he... mildly considers killing the Dream Visitor (Who, by the way, looks as close to Jaheira as I could make her look, because the boy needs a mom and the Emperor clocks that easily)

He also gets VERY angry about the Varsh's treatment of Varrl (That is a CHILD how DARE you. I wish there was an option to fight him without making everyone else in the Creche hostile I hate this man)

I turned on non-lethal attacks for fighting my way out of the Creche, because I think Deimos doesn't want to kill these people- For Lae'zel's sake, and for his own.

Okay so maybe I do have a bit to say about the Creche sue me.

That awful fight with the like death knights or whatever in the mountain pass sucks. I don't know why but it always makes me so incredibly angry. Maybe it's just because that was the first place I ever actually had a party member die idk. Not related to Deimos I just had a bad time.

Oh, the Elminster thing...

Unlike almost every Tav or Durge I have, Deimos understands Gale's want to sacrifice himself to save the world/earn Mystra's forgiveness. He's a martyr, after all. He doesn't judge- He knows that feeling. He tells Gale as much. He doesn't want his friend to die, but he wants his friend to feel like he has a purpose. (Semi-related; This is my first run where I'm free of the bug where Gale is in love with you no matter what, and his platonic Act 2 scene before the Illithid colony is just... So sweet? Like he just wants his friend to be there for him. I love that wizard. Yes I will watch the stars with you buddy)

But now we are on to the Shadow Cursed lands, and Act 1 is over. Wow, this was so long.

[snarp]

Long support request about my "Blocked Blogs Get Un-Blocked" Bug

(Note: Example usernames are censored below because they're just blogs that annoy me. If you want the names for experimental purposes, DM me; if you want them because you trust my judgment, don't. Don't trust my judgment.)

"I have an ongoing issue wherein blogs I have blocked on my main blog ("snarp") will become un-blocked without any action from me. This in some cases requires me to re-block nuisance blogs multiple times per day, which is extremely frustrating and unpleasant.

If this is a known bug with a known cause, please disregard the below. (If it isn't, I apologize for the length of this report.)

While it could be selection bias, this bug APPEARS to occur most often with blogs falling into one of two categories:

1) Posts by the blog frequently appear in a "dashboard-view" Tumblr feed: the dashboard (because someone I follow reblogged them, the post was blazed, etc), the For You feed, a tag I frequently view, etc.

Example: Several people I follow reblog frequently posts by the blogs "X" and "Y," and I find that I have to re-block them every few days.

2) The blog frequently replies to popular posts with large numbers of replies from others.

Example: User "Z", who makes many replies to many heavily-replied-to posts, has to be re-added to my blocklist at least once a week.

If what I'm seeing here is a genuine pattern and not just selection bias (which I know is likely), it COULD suggest that these blogs are being removed from the blocklist as a side effect of pagination bugs:

As I'm sure Support is aware, a long-enough consecutive sequence of hidden replies (due either to individual user blocks or the site-wide spam-flagging/"shadowban" state) will cause the mobile app and browser dashboard replies views to stop paginating, often incorrectly appearing entirely empty. This is also true of posts from blocked/shadowbanned blogs on the dashboard and tag views.

(Ex 1: If a post receives 20 spam replies in a row, and OP blocks all the spamblogs, all replies past that point will be unviewable.

Ex 2: If a blog I follow reblogs 20 posts in a row from a blog I've blocked, my dashboard "ends" just before these reblogs begin - I can't scroll any further in the mobile app, and the "Next" button is absent in-browser.)

(Digression: I think this is likely the cause of the bug which can make tags for controversial political issues appear empty to some users but not others, leading these users to believe the tag to have been intentionally censored: people with strong opinions on these topics are likely to block/report and be blocked/reported.)

Since I most often seem to encounter the blogs-become-unblocked bug in contexts wherein Tumblr is attempting to paginate, I think it's possible that some background process is un-blocking these blogs to allow for pagination, then failing to re-block them.

The main reason I suspect that this might be related that (1) I've never seen anyone else complain of blogs being removed from their blocklist, and (2) I block unusually-heavily and -frequently, which causes me to encounter blocking-related pagination glitches unusually-frequently.

Again, apologies for the length of this report."

[xxswagcorexx]

tumblr user xxswagcorexx why do you insist on hiding away half your analyses/ramblings in the tags of your posts speak ur truth!!! anyway talk mythology andor symbolism to me whats the significance behind red's cult eating honey? do either of them get any items of power mixed up sometimes but just go whoops and move on like its no big deal? what would an outsider pov on this mess look like "ah that pair of lunatic gods again" bc this is sooo funny to me to imagine

i am . scared of everyone (and plus i don't wanna make the post too long and tags let me ramble without worrying abt length/mention small things without feeling like i need to format it properly ^_^

and uh abt the honey thing. this is where u can see this is Really inspired by greek mythology but basically in greek mythology, honey was seen as food of the gods and would provide gods immortality and whatnot ^_^ anyways i was like "hmmmmmm reddoons core" but also it just really works well. aesthetically for him

(AND GET READY FOR A LONG RAMBLE UNDER THE CUT)

anyways on the topic of the honey thing, i tend to associate red with gold because 1) money and 2) red and gold are a really classic color combo that i love, so honey (sorta) resembling molten gold is just. really aesthetically pleasing to me

and also iirc red wanted to make the byzantine empire in earthbound season 2? and when i came across a video on how to make byzantine honey fritters by tasting history with max miller i was like "omg reddoons core"--and from the video it seems like honey was a bit of a special dessert? in 6:33 of the video, there's a poem about a monk complaining about how the abbots have it a lot better than the monks and they mention that the abbots had 2nd helping of honey fritters so yeah i think its safe to assume honey was a semi-special thing, even if it was common. so uh. yeah. money and reddoons. thumbs up

and for the longest time i have associated bees and honey by rina sawayama with. swagdoons in general and the entire song is about how much the singer loves money and partying even if they're broke as shit LMAO its such a good bop if you like pop i recommend it . anyways ya that just added to the aesthetic in general

(as u can tell most of it was based off of vibes and plus in biased because i like how. warm milk and honey taste and plus i really like the idea of milk being something nurturing and honey being something sweet that is representative of love bc ur being sweet and easing someone into something so. Yeah. just vibes but how i figure out vibes are so specific that its worth explaining i think <- loves romanticizing the mundane) (and there's a sick ass line from the end poem like that) (like "And the player was a new human, never alive before, made from nothing but milk and love. You are the player. The story. The program. The human. Made from nothing but milk and love." come ON that line fucks so hard how couldn't i love it)

anyways i think with all of that in mind, red's cult would eat honey as a sign of wealth and comfort/nurturing 4 those reasons ^_^ (i am so sorry for all of that for explaining that i just have lots of Reasons to why i feel something sometimes)

WILDLY OFF TOPIC but u also asked abt items of power getting mixed up, i think it would happen most during worship </3 i think they'd just go to each other and be like "REDDOONS one of your cult members sacrificed blood as a loyalty pact to their partner instead of WAR again. u want it" and red would either let ash keep it or take it so uh. insert them sharing their power with each other here even though their values are usually on increasing ur ego and being on top of the world (CONSIDERING THIS FANDOM LOVES THEMES OF LOYALTY IN A GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL WAY) (SEE WHY I DDNT WANT THEM COMING FROM ANOTHER GOD OR MERGING INTO 1 GOD) (THE IMPLICATIONS ARENT GOOD)

anyways i think ash and red (as gods) and their cults are pretty well known (like how swagdoons r the 2nd most popular ls ship) but LORD if their myths got lost to time they'd be a nightmare to study via texts and scripts in the future. like i can imagine for the LONGEST time historians argue if they were gods that changed during the dark ages because red's name predates ash until they Finally find a myth involving them as 2 different characters and its settled that they're 2 separate gods even though they represent similar-ish things LOL anyways yeah i can imagine more myths of them being found and historians going ??? wtd were these gods <3 hope that answers ur questions anon! :D

[cas-ateez]

Saw your post...i have suggestion! Jimin smut jimin x reader where Jm is a more experienced sexual partner and reader is virgin. 1st time smut and fluff ❤️ have a nice day 🌞

I am SO sorry if this is messy😵‍💫 thank you for the suggestion! I hope you enjoy <33 have a great day too!!

Tags: smut and fluff, use of safe word, use of the word daddy, protected sex, thats all i can think of...

Note: this is my first actual smut so it's kinda basic, I apologize in advance. But i hope its not too boring🥲 thanks for reading, please enjoy! Suggestions are open!

NSFW UNDERCUT!! Minors DNI

------------------------------------------------------

"Jimin baby, do you think we can try what we were talking about last week" you ask. "Do what baby? Use your words. I don't know what to give you if you can't tell me" jimin blurts out as he looks at you with a small blush tinting his puffy cheeks. You sigh while getting up to sit on his lap, "i want you baby, i need you" you say while tugging at his shirt softly. "We need to pick a safe word, any ideas love?" He asks looking at you, eyes full of love. "Flag means stop, yellow means slow" you reply to him, feeling more and more needy as the seconds pass. You've never felt this needy for him, you've never really had any sexual experience before other than giving a few lazy hand jobs in the bathrooms of lame college parties. But things felt different with Jimin, he made you feel loved and safe. You knew you could trust him and that he wouldn't judge you for your lack of sexual knowledge. He was willing to help you and give you the best experience, he made sure to remind you. "Baby, you know i love everything about you, forever and always. I'll take care of you...i promise" he tells you. "I trust you baby, please, I'm all yours" you reply back, making direct eye contact with him. You knew you were in trouble, but you're not complaining.

Everything started off basic, you helped each other take off your clothes. He also moved you to the bedroom. You were at his house so you knew you could be as loud as you needed. It all started out with a slow make out session that got more and more steamy every few minutes. Eventually he asked you if you were ready. "Yes baby, please Jimin, use me all you want" you whine to him. He takes out a condom and begins prepping you. You starts by fingering you, slowly moving one digit in and out, listening and feeling how you reacted to him. He soon added another finger, this is when he began stretching your walls out. You knew his cock was big in both length and width (thanks to the many dick pics he's sent you). Eventually you got tired, you needed him in you or you'd lose your mind. "J-Jimin baby, i love how your fingers make me feel, but I'm ready. Please baby, please just fuck me" at this point you can only whine for him, and that's what makes him happy.

He began slowly thrusting into you, feeling your walls tighten around him. "Fuck y/n, so tight for me huh? My pretty girl clenching so tightly around me. Can't believe I'm the first one to fuck you" you moan in response. His pace picks up, you feel something in your stomach. "Jimin, am i supposed to f-feel this?" You moan out. He slows down to kiss your lips "yes baby, that means your close". You were familiar with sex terms. "Im gonna pick up the pace okay baby? Daddy's gonna make his baby feel real good yeah? Is that okay?" He asks. You can only nod in response. His pace quickens, the only sounds you can hear is the mess your making on his cock and the quiet groans coming from Jimin. You were both close at this point. There's that feeling again, the knot in your stomach is forming and Jimin knows it. "Come on baby, let yourself go, clench around me baby" he says with heavy breaths in between each word. You did exactly what he said, your orgasm ripped through you. Clenching tight around Jimin, you helped him finish inside the condom.

"You did amazing baby, i love how you feel around me" he says to you after you finished your aftercare. "Im glad you were my first" you reply back, too shy to say anything else. You both end the night watching a random tv show that played while cuddling with each other. Eventually you both fell asleep.

[jtl-frozenduck]

Additions to the last post.

These words are an extension of a discussion I had with another fan, @th3lost4uthor, in a previous post about Oropo, but since mine are so long, and reading them in the small viewport is a bit of a torture. So this is just a post to add to the two-person exchange.

I can also use this opportunity to post my own thoughts on some of the things that have been said about Nox, Qilby and loW. I can also add a little to the last thread that had something to say about Oropo.

Whether or not I feel right about these things is irrelevant. I'm just writing down my own reflections, feel free to look at them.

PS: Please don't just intercept one part of what I'm saying and then make a comment. I've seen people do that on places other than tumblr, and that would make me a bit misunderstand the intent of doing so. ^^；

I have a cautious, conservative and open-minded attitude towards reflection itself.

(*Continuing to add to the content until I feel complete.*)

——

1.

Personal style, general setting, theme, characters, desires and goals... (under the umbrella of "setting and characters") make and influence each other.

Sorry for the laziness of my statement earlier. xD Without a good setting there can be no good characters, and at the same time a good character can confirm the setting of the story in reverse. I think impressive characters are the product of interaction and communication through the people and things that surround them.

Why I think Oropo has the potential to be a great character is the issues, the themes, the setting, the struggles, the mistakes, the actions, the realisations. He's got it all.

-- Perhaps in the end it wasn't Oropo that I admired, but the issues behind the character that I wanted to tell. Idea is to present the theme of "self and reality" in the context of the clone's identity. Oropo himself would not have been so off-putting if they had carefully shown how it all played out. At least his narrative as a character would have been complete.

It would be better to say that Season 3 spoiled the lore than to say that it was predicted from the storyline in the Wakfu OVA that Season 3 would go to such an outrageous choice. -- No, it was even obvious from the end of the Wakfu manga. The whole story went haywire from that point on.

Oropo had a rich family fortune, but they chose to let him lose it all. He is the glue that ankama fills the holes with. As a character, Oropo's does acts that do not serve to shape him personally in the first place, but are made to rationalize the MMO setting.

I feel like Qilby himself is "hanging by a thread" on this issue. Assuming he doesn't have a loW background - I would also feel that the time left for him to be portrayed in season 2 was "rushed". I'd feel like "I feel like there's something missing in terms of getting to know this guy." That is, specific context. 

The people who hate Qilby, who find his ideas "incomprehensible", "always complaining", "selfish", "extremist "? Although the character of Qilby goes to great lengths to describe to others the pain of his loneliness. And yet there are those who feel that it is all "self-inflicted and self-inflicted"?

It's possible.

Why Nox is the best rated and most consistent of the three. As a character, he is responsible for stating things like; remorse for neglecting his family, the struggle between family and career, the madness of doing whatever it takes to make amends, the suppression of his conscience as a human being...

All that is needed is a magic cube, (as an opportunity for tragedy to occur) a motivation that inspires public sympathy, full of humanity. (To lift the family out of poverty.) And a personality that "would make him wrong". (Nox is curious about studying the unknown. Seeing it as a potential risk leads him to "a situation of inevitable obsession and madness" when he encounters the Rubik's Cube.) In this way, Nox is able to achieve what he is meant to do as a character.

So much for the starter resources needed to tell Nox's story well. Simple, but the themes behind what is trying to be stated through this character are not shallow.

In Wakfu - the World of Twelve, it is not very difficult to portray a father who is lonely at heart, suffering from remorse and pressure to miss and love his family. We can feel Nox's fate tied to the land. We feel how the land feeds its people and how the people who live on it give back to the land. A great example of how the characters and the setting are tied together. We love Nox, and with that, we fall in love with the world he lives in. This is a perfect example of how a character's story is told so that the world can be shaped sideways.

We could easily feel Nox's charisma. He is also the most effortlessly appreciated of the three, the friendliest to the audience's brains and the most easily accepted by us. This is because of his easy-to-understand launch resources, interesting personality and sympathetic backstory. We see humanity through Nox, feel sympathy for what happens to him, his goals resonate, and feel helpless and hopelessly deplored at his final end.

Qilby's initiation resources are more complex than Nox's. In the second season, fatally, Qilby is not in the context in which his story takes place; he is in the twelve worlds of the here and now, in a place where the story that took place in the past has died.

His story should have started in his real hometown, where there was the setting, an atmosphere that would allow the audience to fully understand his motivations. It allows us, the audience, to really feel the neglect of Qilby's family for his suffering and his own struggle with loneliness.

Qilby is given a sense of mystery and left to us imagination as to what happened to him. And as a result, they are able to easily push back on the promises made to Qilby's character - here comes the manga.

We don't really have any details about Qilby. Even in loW, getting information about him is, at best, through some visual dialogue/NPC conversations/plot hints. The side stories are ultimately not as vivid as the character's present tense. He is not directly present in loW to interact with others, and the story is "like it's about him, but too distant from him". He is present, but always outside the here and now of the story, in a place we cannot see.

For me, loW acted as a riddler, with plenty of metaphors, hints about the relationship between nation, family, and faith. The background information gave me a general but incomplete understanding of their characters' relationships. It left me curious and confused about all the details of what actually happened, but that's where the imagery came from. A double-edged sword.

For loW the actual mention of the present tense plot, i.e. the invasion of Orgonax, the destruction. Is given as a consequence of the events of these characters. what Nora discovers through her quest, for the main characters in these backstories, their stories are heard by us, but are not being played out.

It seems that loW did it on purpose. But the shadowy white space drove me crazy. None of the theories that actually stand up. We find our own satisfying explanations to restore our peace of mind from a story that has too many gaps. And manga has destroyed this land of peace of mind.

——

Added* Nox and Qilby

Nox has a nostalgic quality to some of his fans, so he gets extra points for impressions. Not only that, but in my observations of Wakfu fans everywhere, Nox's appeal continues to appeal to old and new audiences all over the world and has received fairly consistent praise.

I myself have become a fan of Wakfu because of Nox. This has led me to reflect on the polarisation of fan opinion of Qilby.

Why does the general public treat Qilby differently from Nox?

Excluding the 'outliers' who are strongly interested in Qilby himself and those who hate him, I found that the general audience tended to express their own understanding of Qilby's loneliness and pain. But Nox's behaviour was not only understood, but also sympathized with and loved. Add the latter to the mix and there is a world of difference in how the general audience feels about the two characters.

The reality is that Nox's act of exterminating the Sadida nation is of the same nature as Qilby's decision to cause the demise of Eliatrope.

The audience noticed this, but the difference was that the Qilby haters were obsessed with the fact that attracting Orgonax to cause a second war led to the extinction of Eliatrope's people, but they didn't take Nox to task for that. Why?

Assuming that their crimes were brought before a modern court, Nox would have received a lighter sentence than Qilby. Because Nox himself felt that his actions were wrong. Whereas Qilby would insist on admitting that he was right. In the eyes of those who hated Qilby to death, this was his greatest crime. And in the eyes of those who love Qilby, this is what makes him most interesting.

Behind the reasons for both men's wrongdoings are human motives. But the two characters bear separate problems on their shoulders.

The grief that Nox experienced left me with a secular and pure impression of the man himself; his suffering was clean, clear and easy to understand.

But Qilby as a character, what needs to be stated behind the scenes is deep, chaotic, dead, depressing, primal, vague and mysterious incarnate.

That's why I'm conservative about loW; the official message about Qilby's past remains hazy, preventing the jury that sees Qilby's problems from accurately and easily measuring his guilt. In terms of how they view Qilby, people in the wakfu fanbase vary in their attitudes towards his interpretation of the Qilby character.

In my opinion, these views on Qilby, these blossoming ideas, are double-edged swords. It means that fans don't get the accepted consistency in their views of Qilby, unlike Nox who has a consistent view of his behaviour, a clean sweep of praise.

Qilby in loW, Qilby in episodes, and Qilby in manga are three people to me. In the eyes of Qilby haters there is not much difference. In their eyes, the constant fact in all three versions is that Qilby was the cause of the second war. But the deeper reasons and motives behind it are explained differently in these three versions.

In my feelings about all three versions, loW's Qilby has the air of the ANTI HERO, the misunderstood man with good intentions, exposing lies but in the end choosing to go to extremes to solve the problem. Single-minded.

Qilby in the episode, on the other hand, emphasises the problem of loneliness brought on by his eternal memories, and his reasons behind starting the second war become more complex compared to loW, and in one of these deep and complex reasons behind it, his personal inner need to explore the universe and thus satisfy a solution to his emptiness is the one that is most easily checked by the viewer's brain. This is why his attraction to Orgonax feels utterly selfish in the eyes of those who hate him. This is because in the episode Qilby is presented as being more self-conscious about his own needs. Here I use the word "shown" rather than saying that this is the essence of Qilby. There is a world of difference between the two.

In loW, there is no mention of Qilby being plagued by the loneliness caused by eternal memory, i.e. this setting does not exist in loW, but was added later. If loW is to be considered a classic, then Qilby in the episode is not canon.

My own impression of Qilby is formed by the loW version and the episodic version complementing each other.

And in any case, Qilby cared about his people and took them to heart.

The manga version is a pale explanation of Qilby's past that complements the episodic version of Qilby's actions and Eliatrope's history. It spoils the complexity represented by the issues that Qilby had to take on as a character in the first two versions.

None of these three versions of Qilby would be considered canon by me. All three versions are vague in their descriptions of Qilby's past and vague in their descriptions of the issues behind Qilby so to speak. I have never gotten Qilby himself from ankama's interpretation, and never will from now on. I have a Qilby of my own in my mind, while others have a Qilby of their own alive in theirs.

There just one Nox alive in this world, but millions of Qilby's.

* Given the reflective nature, this topic content is likely to be continually added to in the future.

—— （My buddy said that Ankama puts Qilby in an awkward but flexible position, allowing him to be both loved and hated by some people. I think that's right on. 🤣

If you guys want to explore the depth that can exist in Qilby as a character, I would recommend this fan's theory about Qilby that I chatted with. As I said earlier, everyone has their own Qilby, it's just that this fan has a wonderful and passionate understanding of Qilby. I don't mean here in terms of whether these understandings are absolutely orthodox, but in terms of the criteria for a good play, it is at least complete.

I would not say that there is such a thing as a true Qilby, nor would I admit any orthodoxy of an ideological nature. Even ankama. their act of manga overturned the previous portrayal for Qilby. So even officially I don't want to see their content as "100% canonical" anymore. But still, respect. Let's just say that I hope that in season 4 they give Qilby the opportunity to develop himself more fully, to have more possibilities. To say that I'm passionate about finding the so-called absolute canon in terms of understanding Qilby as a character...I'd rather keep my mind flexible. (My heart is so tired.

My own understanding of the characters, and whether they are good or not, is through whether they do the task they are given by the theme, by seeing whether the issue they are trying to present is fully developed, described and concluded in the plot. It is important to recall the theme, to interact with the events and with the other characters in a way that is useful for the presentation of the theme, and to have interesting ideas interspersed with it. But telling the full flow of an event as it happens is fundamental to a good story.