#also really hoping i get an email or something confirming that i don't have in-person class for web design friday so i can go home early

[quitedisastrous]

i have to go to my french class tomorrow. sigh

[sugawhaaa]

I had to hop in here straight away when I saw that your requests were open bcs istg I am SUCH a horny mess for Kwak Jiseok.

Aight so hear me out, something that personally really turns me on is taking photos of myself in revealing clothing or lingerie, not necessarily for sexting… just like the actual taking of the pictures is really hot for me yk?

So what I’m requesting here is something that has been taking up so much of my headspace that it’s honestly obsessive… and that’s a sexual photoshoot with Jiseok.

He’s the photographer, and he has a bunch of outfits that he wants the reader to wear… and even more poses in mind. Plus, if reader is a well behaved model and gets him the pictures he wants, he might reward her.

hope that makes sense!!

•°~★JISEOK X READER★~°•

High fashion

୭🧷✧˚.ᵎᵎ🎀୭🧷✧˚.୭🧷✧˚.ᵎᵎ🎀୭🧷✧˚.ᵎᵎ🎀୭✧˚.ᵎᵎ

Warnings::SMUT! VULGAR LANGUAGE!

Genre:: oral (f/m rec) fingering, cowgirl, hair pulling, PRAISE, pet names cream pie (don't try this at home) cum-shot, idk if this is relevant but it's mentioned a lot that he has a big cock 💀

Pairing:: dom!Jiseok x sub!fem!reader

A//N:: honestly I've never gotten a request like this before I was quite shocked 😭 I'm not complaining though, I'm happy to step out of my comfort zone and expirement a little bit. I was kinda torn on how I wanted to write this but I'll try my best 💪 also dw as a Gaon biased I can confirm that pretty much anyone who biases him is a down bad whore for him 💀

Songs that inspired this fanfic::

There is a business for everything. You were very well aware of that as a model for specifically...suggestive things. You modeled for all sorts of things. Bathing suits, bras, underwear, lingerie, and even certain sex toys. You had your fair share of acting as well. You were in a very select few porn videos, mainly because the pay was really, really, high. You definitely didn't hate your job. It made you feel good about yourself and comfortable in your own skin. You were heavily praised by fans for being "so brave" but in reality it made you feel good and you wouldn't have it any other way.

One day you were hanging out in your house, like one does, when you received an email from a designer. It was very professional and full of detail but to sum it up, this designer asked you to model their newest lingerie sets for them. You thought about it for a moment and looked at their website. It was full of beautifully designed lingerie and robs. The website itself was very professional with lots of details. It seemed trustworthy and you agreed to work with them.

A few days later you located the shop and went inside. You took a look around at the shop. It was small but filled with lots of items, but it wasn't crowded either. There was plenty of room to move around and look through everything. You noticed a woman at the front desk when she suddenly came up to you.

"Sorry we just closed we'll be open again tomorrow at 10 am if you'd like to come back," she smiled. She clearly didn't know that you were here to model so she mustn't be the designer. You took off your sunglasses and looked at her warmly.

"I'm actually a model. This is my first time modeling for this shop," you explained and the woman smiled.

"Oh, my apologies! Let me call him in," she smiled and went back to the desk. Call him over? Him?? You thought to yourself as you walked over to her desk. She pressed a button and spoke into a small mic. "There's a model waiting to see you," she said and the doors behind her opened moments after. A young man came rushing out. He had dark red hair and seemed like he was in his early to mid-twenties. He had a measuring tape around his neck and a pencil tucked above his ear.

"Ah, you must be Y/N~!" He smiled and came over to you, extending his hand. You shook his hand as your heart jumped out of your chest. "So I have a lot to go over with you. If you don't mind why don't we go into my workshop?" He gestured to the doors and you blushed.

"S-Sure, that sounds good," you smiled and followed him to his workshop.

"Sorry for the mess I hardly ever have time to clean around here with so many requests," he chuckles as you look around the room. Shelves filled with all kinds of fabrics and lace. Sketches of designs were tacked to a Bristol board near his main desk area. "I have quite a few different sets if you'd want to choose which ones to wear or anything," he said as he pulled out a large tablet and starting going through photos he took of all the sets.

"Don't worry about it. I'm comfortable wearing whatever you want me to," you smiled and he looked up at you with curious eyes.

"As long as you're sure..." he looked at you one last time before confirming that's truly what you wanted. "Okay then, I'll pick them out for you," he went over to a clothing rack he had and picked out a few for you. He held them up and eyed them to your body portions. "Do you know what size you are?" He said as he continued to sort through his designs.

"Yeah I'm about a Y/S, (your/size)" You shrugged. He nodded and swapped out a few of the designs for smaller or bigger ones.

After getting all the outfits chosen and the sets he wanted for you he let you try on your first outfit. You went into the fitting room while he adjusted the set. You looked at the lingerie he presented to you. Of course it was red and you looked at yourself in the mirror for a while adjusting it and admiring yourself. Jiseok then knocked on the door.

"Hey, are you dressed?" He asked softly. You got drawn back to reality from your day dreaming.

"Oh yes," you chuckled before opening the door. Jiseok had his professional camera around his neck as he held it with one hand. He looked you up and down and his face turned a soft pink.

"So I was thinking," he said before clearing his throat. "This bathroom is really nice," he smiled and you looked confused.

"Yes...it is," you said awkwardly.

"I think it'd be good to take a few photos in here!" He smiled and closed the door behind himself as he walked in. You nodded and waited for him to tell you what to do. "Could you lean back against the counter and kind of drop your head back to let your hair flow down," he asked as he gestured to the counter. You did as he suggested. He crouched down and held up his camera. He leaned forward and adjusted your leg slightly.

The brief second of contact was oddly exhilarating. You continued to pose as you heard the sound of the camera click. He moved to a different angle and took two more photos. "Okay now can you stand up straight and put your left hand across your upper chest," he said as he moved around to the front of you. You did as he said. "Tilt your head a bit to the left, like away from me," he said as he kept his eyes on your body. You did as he said and he smiled. "Perfect, just like that," he said as he snapped a few photos before squatting again to get some lower ones. "Okay now look over at the wall," he pointed to the left as he kept looking at you through the camera. "Perfect~" he prolonged the "per" in his words.

This process continued a few times in various locations with various outfits. You were in the washroom changing outfits again when you looked out the window to see it was dark. You continue to change into a beautiful white set. There was a little robe that went over top of it and you just fell in love with the design. You walk out confidently and Jiseok smiles.

"This one's absolutely gorgeous," you said as you looked at the silky fabric flowing off your body.

"Thank you," he smiled with red cheeks. "I just finished that design yesterday I believe," he looked you up and down before biting his lip slightly. "Alright, ahem, for this one we're gonna use the bed,"

You nodded and sat down on the bed. "Okay, can you go on your knees and sit down, putting your legs in a W shape?" He asked as he adjusted the camera lens. You nodded and did as he said. "Now lean back and spread your legs a bit more," you followed his instructions and watched him stay focused on his work. You bit your lip as you watched him. "Good girl," he said in a low voice and your heart skipped a beat.

Was that meant to be sensual or not?

You asked yourself. You remained focused and continued to hold your pose. "Okay now look to your right just a little bit," he moved his finger to the right as he looked into the camera. "Perfect. Stay just like that," he smiled and took a few photos. "Alright very good. Now lay back a bit more and cross your right leg over your left thigh," he said as he stood up.

You followed his directions and posed accordingly. He approached you and moved the robe a bit to expose more of your ass. You had to hold in your cheeky smile. "Relax," he said softly.

"R-Right," you blushed and composed yourself. He brushed back some of your hair to expose more of your skin and you felt your heart skip a beat.

"Perfect," he smiled and took a photo. "Now take a nice, slow deep breath for me," he said softly and you did as he asked. You took a deep breath in and heard the sound of the camera clicking. Then you let your breath out, and he took a few more photos. "Thank you, that was excellent," he smiled as he stood up and let his camera hang. He sat on the edge of the bed and you sat up.

"Your designs are beautiful, it was truly an honor to model for you," you smiled and leaned in closer to him. You looked down at his veiny hands and you blushed before instantly looking back up at him. He followed your gaze with a sly grin.

"You seemed to be looking at my hands a lot," he smiled as he leaned closer to you as well.

"Y-Yeah, I just have a thing for hands," you say before thinking. You pause and realize how out of pocket you must sound. He chuckled slightly. "No, no, that's not what I mean, I mean like..." you blushed and he smiled.

"If you haven't noticed, I have a thing for lingerie," Jiseok smirked and you looked at him attentively. "And elegant women, women that know they're worth yet sometimes still shy, women who model. Or you could say I have a thing for you," he smiled cheekily as he leaned closer. He twirled your hair around his finger as you looked at him with a flushed face. "Tell me, do you just have a thing for my hands or is there more?" He leaned in for a kiss but waited for you to give in. You leaned in and kissed him, he put his hands in your hair. You put your hands around the back of his neck and leaned back. You fell to the bed and he pinned you to it.

"I have a thing for guys with the name Kwak Jiseok," you smiled and he chuckled. He slid one of his hands up your body, tracing the stitch bands around your thighs and hips. He kissed between your collarbones softly. You leaned your head back to give him more access to your neck and chest.

"I'm so addicted to you," he grinned before kissing your neck and sucking on the skin. You inch your hips up to hit Jiseoks. His body jerks slightly from the sudden contact against his erection straining against his pants. He lets go of your skin from his lips and his head falls down. The roots of his hair being the only thing you can see. His hands continue to roam around your body as he kisses down your chest and stomach, just to the waistband of your panties. He looks up at you with hooded eyes.

You extend your hand down to run your fingers through his dark hair. He pressed the flat of his tongue against your clothed clit. You jumped and your legs inched closer to each other. Jiseok smirked and brought his hands down to your hips. He pulled off your panties, leaving them on the corner of the bed as he indulged in your pussy. He dived his head down in between your folds and slurped all your slickness.

The lewd sounds echoed in the empty studio. Your chest heaved at the pleasure coursing through your body.

"Yes," you moaned softly as you grab his head to steady yourself. His tongue flicks your clit as his hands claw at the outside of your thighs. He buries his face in your pussy. You arch your back, bucking your hips into his jaw. You can feel him smirk against your aching core. He pulls back to breathe for a minute.

"You taste so fucking good," he says before licking his lips. His plump lips wet from your juices. The tip of his nose and chin glistening. He leans back down to continue his meal. He takes another long lick up your folds and you can't keep your loud moans in. He begins to circle his tongue around the lips of your pussy as his fingers tease your entrance. His nose presses against your clit, creating an insane amount of stimulation. It's no doubt that this isn't his first rodeo. His techniques were sending sparks throughout your entire body.

The sounds of him slurping up your juices ring in your ears as you feel your climax approaching you quickly. "J-Jiseok, I'm close," you manage to whimper out between loud moans and intense gasps for air. Jiseok just continued to eat you out like you were his last meal. You grabbed his hair in a tight fist as your legs shake, threatening to close and lock around his head. "Jiseok!" You call out his name as flicks your clit mercilessly. You come undone beneath him. Your legs locking around his head as he licks up all of your cum.

Once you come down from your high you open your legs. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, it was like a reflex," you apologize but Jiseok cuts you off.

"Shh, shh," he shakes his head. You pause and watch him attentively. He sticks his tongue out and runs his index and middle finger down the outside of his tongue. His fingers glistening from your cum. You blush and feel your walls tighten around nothing from the excitement of his flirtatious action. You bite your lip. "You were such a good little girl," he cooes as he leans over top of you. You see his shirt covered in miscellaneous liquids. He starts unbuttoning his shirt as he sits on his knees.

He throws his shirt aside and you admire his toned body. You extend a hand out to run along his abdomen. His skin is so soft and smooth. You look up at him to see a playful grin on his lips. You travel your hand down to his waistband tugging on it lightly.

"You want a turn now?" He says in a creamy low voice that makes the butterflies in your stomach fly south. You nod softly and he lets out a little sigh. He unbuttons his dress pants and takes them off along with his boxers, finally freeing his member.

He lays back on the bed and you instantly crawl beside him, eager to play with his cock. You can't help but admire the way it stands against his stomach. You grab him from the base and take one long lick up his length. A soft moan escapes his lips as his body jerks lightly. "Good girl," he says as he brushes back your [H/L] hair. You look at his erection worriedly. You hesitantly open your mouth and approach his tip. "If you don't want to baby you don't have to," he says softly, misenturpitating your hesitation.

"No, no I want to. I'm just not sure if I can't fit it all in my mouth," you chuckle with an embarrassed smile.

"Don't worry about fitting it all, that's what your hands are for doll," he smiles as he plays with your hair. You nod and put your lips around him. He groans loudly, seething between his teeth. "Fuck, baby," he grunts as he holds your hair in a messy ponytail. You hold the bottom of his length, rotating your hand from extra stimulation. "Good girl, just like that," he praises, knowing you're trying your best. You Bob your head slowly adjusting to his size.

You roll your tongue around as you stuff him in your mouth. He grunts lowly and you can see him trying to keep his hips from bucking into your mouth. He's trying not to push you past your comfort zone but he's also losing it. "You're doing so good," he continues to praise as he plays with your hair. His praise encourages you to take a little bit more of him in your mouth. You begin to Bob your head faster from the encouragement.

"Yes!" He moans loudly his hips ever so slightly bucking up. "Fuck, I'm trying so hard baby but you're making me go crazy," he admits as he holds your head. You rub the tip of his cock on the inside of your cheek as you continue to suck him off. You feel his cock twitch in your mouth and both of you know he's just about to go over the edge. "I'm gonna cum!" He moans and you slip him off of your lips, his cum squirting up into your face.

His cum drips down from your eyebrows to your chin. He lets go of your hair as he pants heavily. You lick up his length to taste every drop of his sweetness.

"You're so hot," he says in a low raspy voice. He suddenly picks you up by your hips and holds you just above his tip. "Are you ready for this?" Jiseok asks in a soft voice.

You nod "Yes," you bite your lip eagerly.

"Are you sure?" He asks one more time to be sure. You nod vigorously and he finally lets go of your hips. You slowly sink onto him, his cock stretching you perfectly. You throw your head back as you let out a loud moan. "You're s-so tight," he groans as he holds your hips again. You fully sit down on his length and take a moment to adjust to him.

You slowly start to roll your hips on him. You feel his tip hit so deep inside you. You clench around him as your body jolts forward in pleasure, your semen-covered hand over your mouth. Jiseok reaches up to you with shaking hands. "I want to hear you," he grunts and you put your hand down. You start to get used to his size and start to slowly rise up and down on his cock. He swears he can see stars from the way you move on him.

He grips your hips harshly before you start bouncing on him. The sound of your skin colliding rings in your ears. You watch as his chest heaves. He extends a hand up to your tits which are currently bouncing with your pace. He slides his fingertips under the fabric he used only a week ago. He never could've guessed he'd be here now.

He runs his fingertips over your nipple adding to the sensations coursing through you. "I'm close," you moan as you bounce faster, your walls clenching around him.

"Good baby," he chuckles. "Keep using me until you're satisfied," he smirks as he feels his climax approaching as well. The feeling of your pussy hugging every vein in his cock so tightly drives him insane. He feels like you're just milking him into nothing. "I'm gonna cum, where do you want it?" He says through deep, raspy, breaths.

"Inside," you moan out loudly as you orgasm, your legs shaking as you claw at his chest. He grabs your hips and thrusts into you a few more times causing you to let out a hoarse moan. You were already sensitive from just orgasming so intensely that this could just break you.

You felt his hot semen fill you up. His body glistens in sweat beneath you as the two of you pant in unison. You look down and slowly slide off his cock. A mixture of your pleasure pours from your pussy. Jiseok quickly presses his thumb against your entrance. You look at him surprised as cum drips from his thumb.

He pants as he looks up at you, strands of his hair stuck to his forehead.

"So, you wanna model for me again next week? Same time?" He chuckles before licking his lips.

A/N:: not to toot my own horn or anything but omg I love this fanfic *lip bite emoji* literally (s)creamed while proofreading it

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi! I’m a huge fan of this page and I want you to know how much you have help me a lot.

I am quite in need of advice in this. Please reply whenever it suits for you. :)

A year from now, I will be transitioning from my senior year to college life. I am a WOC in a 3rd country and I feel quite overwhelmed upon all the step I am trying to make. I want to study abroad after I finished highschool, but I somehow feel stuck. It felt like I froze upon learning all the things I needed to do — safe to say, it scares me big time. My parents, although they are great people, isn’t the best in helping me complying with all the papers I have to compile for reasons that they are as busy in their respective jobs trying to make ends meet for our family. I am also struggling where will my finances come from even if I receive scholarship and financial aids for necessary expenses I might stumble upon even if I have an impressionable grade to present. I would really love to have my education internationally, but these thoughts that I am quite sure had come naturally make me spiral into overthinking such as what is to come, (I will be young and alone — not to mention not financially secured in a foreign land) without even trying.

The thing is, should I pursue it still? My parents were very supportive of it. However, I do procrastinate in making a move towards my goals. I don’t want to have this response. This anxiety have been difficult to deal with. Does my aspirations seems I am trying to bite something more than I can chew?

Your input will be invaluable for me. I hope you are having a great day.

Hi love! Thank you so much for your kind words and ongoing support. I'm so glad to hear my blog has been helpful/valuable for you <3

I think you should definitely go for it and seek out your options. My personal belief is that: If your dreams and aspirations don't scare you a bit, you're not dreaming big enough.

Personally, I would focus on two major areas: Research the options available regarding universities, scholarships, internships/apprenticeships, housing arrangements, etc. in the countries/regions and areas of interest you are looking to immerse yourself in. Make shortlists of all of these opportunities. Then, list out all of the paperwork you will need to make these options feasible.

Reach out to the admissions coordinators at these programs after looking up their admissions requirements/information on the institution, and your program(s) of interest. Share a brief overview of your situation (rising senior/finishing your secondary education from your country and why you're looking into their program based on your interest/demonstrated academic abilities/interest in whichever fields/subjects) to confirm eligibility requirements and see if you can score an informational interview. With this information all spelled out, go to your school counselor and parents with essentially a checklist of what you need – from the legal paperwork to transcripts, scholarship information, courses/testing requirements to take your senior year, etc.

Use all of these shortlists and checklists as your "to-do" lists. Commit to completing one action item every day or on set days of the week (let's say Monday-Friday). So, one day you short-list universities, the next you shortlist scholarship opportunities, the next you send emails to admissions coordinators at your top 3 programs/your school counselor, the next you fill out one of your required forms or give yourself an hour or two to fill out as many as you can. If you need your parents, schedule a time like an at-home appointment to meet with them to get this paperwork done. It will help eliminate the unnecessary logistics and mental energy spent focusing on getting this top-priority documentation done.

Hope this helps xx

[hidefdoritos]

Logging back on just to dump out thoughts about a bunch more work and life stuff.

Again, at work, there are 6 managers on my shift. Varying degrees of competence and likability, but I'm for sure on good terms with each of them. We also just recently lost their boss, "Tyler," a man who couldn't find his own nose in the dark. He quit and joined a pyramid scheme. Literally nobody is mad about it.

I have one manager, who I'll call Jeff, who is my biggest cheerleader for sure. He's been trying to get me on seasonal full-time. According to him last night, the admins (a group of people who collectively have their heads so far up their own behinds that they've never seen the light of day) have decided not to offer seasonal full time after all. None of the other managers had heard it yet, though.

I don't know if that means Jeff has a better line in, or if they're giving him the run-around. He's sick of the run-around too. He said, verbatim, "If I had my way, you'd already be full time, you could set your own schedule, and you could show up and do whatever the f--- you want." High praise indeed.

I have a mentor manager, who I'll call Kristy. Her daughter is my age, so she's always had a soft spot for me. Not like she has many rough spots anyway. Kristy elected to not try to win Tyler's position. "I don't want that level of responsibility," she said. I like that she's in a place where she's happy. She lost a parent earlier this year and sometimes I can still see a weight on her shoulders.

I have a frenemy manager, who I'll call Sara. Sara is "just hanging around until she runs this place." She knows how to suck up to the admits. She runs a mean newbie orientation class. I've also watched her be functionally useless in emergency situations and she truly doesn't care if people outside her department live or die. The sad part is I think she's a fine person outside of work, probably. We can talk and joke around. I like her fine when she's not my boss. I don't trust her. I know she went for Tyler's position. She wasn't there last night to confirm. I hope she didn't get it. Then again, I also don't want her directly managing real human beings, so she might be good over the managers.

I have a bestie manager, who I'll call Landon, because that's now becoming my code name for everyone in my life with one particular real name. (Same one who watched me pick up a hundred-pound box and said, in reverence, "You just scared me, CJ" which made me glow for like a week.) (Once, also, I was missing a choir rehearsal for work, and said that my director probably wanted to kill me a little bit. Landon observed, "At least he only wants to kill you a little bit," and I said, "Yeah, well, I only want to die a little bit!" Landon lost it. Jeff (mid-40s?) looked very concerned, which made both of us laugh harder.)

Landon tried for Tyler's position. I was really truly rooting for him to get it. Landon can run the place blindfolded and is genuinely nice to everyone. He compliments everyone's work and shows a belief in our abilities that does us credit. But, after work, he saw that Tyler's position was reposted to the company site. That could mean that none of the managers got promoted and they're looking for an external hire now. Or it could mean that an admin screwed up. Praying so hard for the latter. If it's the former, the admins didn't even have the courtesy to send a rejection email.

[Past child abuse tw for this section. Skip to the three big stars.] I did something so brave last night, something that past me would never have done. Landon has been doing one particular thing that makes my life way harder. Every time I report an equipment defect or something that isn't working well, he says, "Stop breaking s--t!" This is his pat response to everyone, for everything broken, because he can commit to a bit. However, I...well, I have history. Breaking things and being blamed for things are both pretty big triggers. Which I am working on. But it's happened quite a few times now, last night included.

I looped back around to him later when manager Tony (an IRL NPC) wasn't around. I asked a question about reporting broken equipment, and then said, "Hey, can I have a moment?" As best as I can recall, verbatim, I said, "This is not your fault; I'm not mad at you; just one thing. Please quit blaming me for breaking stuff."

His head dropped down but I could see him smiling, that sort of you-know-I-don't-mean-it look. But I continued. "I...grew up getting beat for breaking stuff. So I don't exactly..."

His expression went from come on to oh s--t pretty quickly. "Oh. I'm really sorry about that."

"It's okay. I don't exactly lead with that fun fact when I introduce myself."

"Yeah, but still, I'm sorry. I--"

"--It's okay--"

"I will stop."

"Yeah. Thanks!"

"I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that," he was saying, but I was already turned to walk away because that was overwhelming as heck. I sorta waved it off in the it doesn't matter way that you do when you just talked about trauma out of nowhere.

"I need to be more mindful," I heard him add before I was out of earshot.

Not my clearest communication, not my bravest standing my ground, but I think it was just fine for the situation. If it was almost anyone else, I would've kept sucking it up. But it hurts. And he's also my friend. And I trust him with that information. And it's not like he knew, so I didn't want to bite his head off about it. It didn't need to be a big deal. It took less than a minute to deal with. And it took ALL of my bravery. But I did it. And I didn't die. And now I have this as an anchor point for the next time that I need to tell a person to not do a thing.

Also, even for the rest of the night, he didn't look at me or talk to me one bit different. I'm almost crying just thinking about it. The love shown when people know I'm damaged but don't treat me any differently--I need to lie down.

***

I ended up stuck for quite a while with some paperwork snags about adjusting my schedule for holiday season/semester break. But the managers let me hang out in their office. I filled out the paperwork, hung around for a bit, asked about another thing, waited as Jeff checked some things for me, ate a muffin, and then just hung around on the clock. They all but directly invited me to do so. They value me enough to let me get an extra hour for almost nothing.

During the hour, Landon talked to me about Tyler. Apparently last week, Tyler called him up and tried to recruit him to his pyramid scheme. Could barely articulate what the company is selling, but was talking a lot about how you earn points and they're a big reward to you. Landon told him directly that it's a pyramid scheme and Tyler just doesn't see it, I guess.

I explained my favorite concept (modified from some tumblr post somewhere) to Landon. "See, the problem I find with pyramid schemes is that they concentrate all the money in the top percentage of users. That means most people are losing money. What I think is that if you bring everyone in on the top tier of profits, they all make money. Which is why I'm starting a pyramid scheme that sells pyramid scheme starter kits. That way we bring everyone in at the highest level and ensure their ROI--"

Landon cut me off devastatingly: "Ok Tyler."

I don't know exactly what my face did, but I have NEVER seen fear enter somebody's eyes that fast. His face puckered. Which made me laugh it off, which made him laugh. Of course he knows I'm not going to harm him, but still. The power is going to my head.

Landon also gave me some bonus employee rewards points. And asked me if I'd talked to Tyler after he screwed me over (no; I spent those last two weeks rehearsing "I hope your new position suits you well" as the one polite sentence just in case) and if he'd talked to me (no; the one time we walked toward each other, he crossed the aisle to avoid me). Also, this past week, Landon got a wrong number text for a "Samantha," and so Logan replied, "Oh, Sam changed her number" and gave the person Tyler's number. I laughed and laughed. Then was like, "Oh, you're just going to be giving it out to random telemarketers and signing him up for stuff." Landon's eyes lit up and he pulled out his phone and dictated a note: "Sign--Tyler--up--for--random--and--inappropriate--stuff." I'm glad that I don't have Tyler's number, email, or anything. I would've subscribed him to everything under the sun.

We all together talked about our pets. Landon has a cat. I wonder if it's fluffy. I'm thinking about Landon kind of a lot for someone who doesn't date coworkers.

I let everyone know that I want to get on track for tuition reimbursement as SOON as the paperwork gets sorted out. And that if my $5k doesn't come through, I'm quitting. Period.

I hope so hard that I don't have to follow through on that threat. I really like this job. It would suck massively to leave a job that's so satisfying with people who I care about so much. And honestly I probably wouldn't fully leave. But I'd be getting a second job at another warehouse place in town with tuition benefits, because I can't do this. The Purple Arrow Freight Company admins have already screwed me out of a trainer position and maybe out of a seasonal full-time position. If they screw me out of $5k I'm not dealing with this anymore.

All my managers are on my side. Hopefully they're able to pull some strings with the admins (without rendering themselves obnoxious, because the admins can also fire them). They know I'm an awesome worker, and additionally, they love me. They don't want to lose me because the admins are dumb.

[yayroos]

Hi I'm trying to de google my life as much as possible, please tell me about secure emails, also, no clue if you can help me with this but, I have made every account I own using gmail... is there a way to transfer that information onto a different one, or am I doomed to start over...

Feel free to ignore the second part if you don't know

Hi!

Ok, so secure email. I'll start with that makes email non secure.

Basically, gmail and most other major mainstream email providers (outlook, yahoo, etc) can (and do) read the contents of your emails, so they can use that information to advertise. Personally I think that's creepy and invasive.

So to have a secure/private email provider, they would need to know as little as possible about the contents of your emails while still being able to deliver them correctly. At first you might think 'ah, so just find a provider that says they don't read your emails!' and that would be a good start, but what then happens if they get bought or their policy changes or their database gets hacked, or they get a request from a government who may or may not be friendly to your ideology?

That's why what you want is a provider that can't, like technologically, mathematically cannot possibly read the contents of your emails. That means even if an attacker got their hands on the entire database they wouldn't have a single word of the content of your emails. To achieve that you need an encrypted email provider. They store your messages encrypted such that only your account can decrypt them.

Obviously if the other recipient of your email is still using google then google can still see it, encrypted mail works better the more people use it, so your move will improve things, and anyone you can bring with you makes it that much better.

In terms of specific providers to use, I have a strong personal preference for Proton, they do a VPN, encrypted email, encrypted calendar, and encrypted cloud storage (like google drive). I can't recommend them enough, and for average personal email use their free tier is well and truly al the functionality you need.

As for the second part of your question: moving your accounts away from your old email will vary for every account you want to move. All you'll need to do on most accounts is open up your profile settings and change the email listed, then probably go through a 'confirm your email' process like you would have when you signed up. Then your account will continue on just as it was, but the associated email will be your new one. Each one will likely take only a few minutes, but if you have 10s or 100s of accounts across the web then it starts to get a little time consuming. What I can recommend is doing the obvious ones first, and then just keeping an eye out in your day to day web surfing for accounts you haven't swapped over yet. Do them when you come across them, and you'll get through all the things you use in an average month in about a month.

(While you're doing that it's a great chance to get all your login details into a password manager and make the passwords strong and unique, if you haven't already done that! I use and recommend bitwarden but there are plenty of decent options out there)

You will find some sites are hard or even impossible to change the email on. There are a lot of reasons for that, most of them related to bad or lazy design choices on the part of the site developers. If it's something you really care about then it might be worth contacting support for the site to see if you can change it over, if not, some things will have to start over, that's unfortunately just how it is.

Hope that helps!

[tortoisebore]

silly question, maybe, and I'm asking it anon because I don't want you to feel obligated /at all/ to answer (or to feel pressured to read my fic, lol) but.

my question is, how do you deal with the "pressure" of posting on ao3? I reckon for you it can be quite a lot of pressure to have so many people reading your fic / waiting anxiously for new chapters, and feeling that pressure when you're writing.

for me it's kind of the opposite - I post my stuff publically to ao3 but I barely get any hits/kudos/comments, which I know isn't the be-all-end-all of fic writing (I loooove fic writing and would continue to do it either way for my own enjoyment) but it can feel a bit daunting sometimes to post something and not feel insane pressure to /live up to high standards/.

like, I'm not delusional (most of the time), I won't be the next zeppazariel or moonymoment or whatever, but it does feel like a lot of pressure to write something PERFECT in order to be "allowed" on ao3 and receive comments and feedback and word of mouth, you know?

idk this became really rambly but I just figured you might have some good insights into this as you /seem/ really smart and I value your thoughts? anyway hope you're having a good day x

hi!! this is NOT a silly question 🫶 i’m speaking from my own experience so please take it all with a grain of salt and know that those feelings of pressure and discouragement and that need to meet a certain standard are reeeeaalllll and we all feel that at some point when doing anything in the realm of creativity

i have a very specific mindset when it comes to not just writing, but literally everything i create. i went to an art school and had all of my work ripped to shreds in public critique from age 17 on, so i built a very thick skin early and learned to separate myself from my artwork and designs. it sounds very cold, but it was/is necessary in my career and i’m thankful for it now!

all that to say i’ve carried pieces of that mindset into my creative hobbies. when i do something like write fic or make art just for the sake of making something, i’m coming at it from a place of “this is for me and me only.” i don’t find myself looking to other people for confirmation that i’m doing well because if i’m enjoying what i’m doing, that’s all that matters!

i feel like it sounds kind of arrogant to say this, but because of that, i don’t feel pressure surrounding writing fic. i write when i want, i write what i want to see, and no amount of comments asking for updates is going to change my process or make me feel guilty for taking “too long” between updates. i have a whole entire life outside of this (as do you!) and for the most part people understand that you’re a person with a hobby just trying to do something fun.

i’ve also been in fandom spaces since i was a very young teenager and i feel very familiar with the way people act surrounding fic and fic authors, so i knew what i was getting myself into when i posted the first chapter. i expected it to not be seen by many people, i expected negative comments, and i expected lots of backlash about the story not being finished when it was posted (for some reason people hate wips now????). i just got extremely lucky that someone liked it enough to post about it on tiktok, and then on twitter, and it took off from there.

i also don’t really keep track of hits/kudos other than getting the kudos emails (but i do read every single comment i get on ao3!). those numbers don’t mean much in the grand scheme of things and i try not to let them get into my head when i’m writing. i’ve also been extremely lucky in that i think i’ve had one singular kind of negative comment on the entire thing?? and it was someone that just didn’t seem happy with the slower pace of the story. i was able to look at that and be like “great, it’s my story and i don’t care <3” and move on from it quickly.

i know that this is not a universal feeling and that most people do not feel this lack of pressure and anxiety surrounding posting their work. i have such a specific set of experiences that’s led me to this level of comfort surrounding sharing my creative endeavors, and i know it’s probably not helpful to hear, but that’s how my brain has worked behind the scenes about this!

if i had any actual helpful tips to give, i think the biggest one would be to write from a place of self-indulgence! you’re going to be most passionate when you’re writing things for you, and that’s going to come through in your work. other people are out there looking for the exact things you want to write, they just haven’t found it yet.

((also use ao3 tags liberally 🫶))

this was so so so rambly and probably not very helpful i’m sorry fhfhffhfjfh if you ever want to talk more pls dm me or send another ask if u want to stay anonymous!! 💕💞✨🫶

[flakytartart]

Box split FAQ (Who, What, When, Where, Why + How)

Who are you?

Hi! I'm Flaky, a hobby artist that likes to buy merch of my favorite characters (mostly from Danganronpa and Persona 4/5). Nice to meet you if we haven't already interacted! :J

What's this post about?

There's a new piece of Danganronpa merchandise available for pre-order on AmiAmi - Key of Love keychains!

You can buy a single keychain at random for 1,210 JPY or the complete set of 16 for 19,360 JPY. Buying an entire set gives you 1 random photo card as a bonus.

I preordered 3 full sets (THH, SDR2, and V3) to collect my favorite characters and will be left with 39 extra characters. Because of that, I put together a box split/sales post in the hopes of getting rid of the extra!

I'm charging $8 USD for each keychain + shipping ($6) and taking payments via PayPal and Venmo. Photo cards will also be available for reservation (keep reading for more info).

When...

...do the keychains come out?

Preorders are expected to release/ship out sometime in February 2024. I'll start sorting/packing when they get to me.

...do we have to pay for our claims?

As soon as possible please! After you send in your claim, I will calculate and send your total along with my Paypal link/Venmo username via DM.

Where will you ship to?

I'm located in the US so I'll only be selling/shipping domestically. :0 I don't know how much shipping to other countries would cost and it makes me a bit nervous to deal with that so I'd rather not attempt anything. I'm sorry.

Why are you doing this? (And why should I trust you?)

I think it's a pretty good deal for everyone! You get the exact keychain you want for a decent price, you help me (not really) break even, and I don't have to own 48 keychains. Hunting for merch can be difficult/pricey, plus I've always wanted to organize a box split. I'm pretty much selling these at a loss but I think it's worth it even if just one person gets what they want! If these don't sell here or on Mercari I'm most likely gonna pass them out for free at our local anime convention next year.

As for trusting me - I understand if you don't or are nervous. I really am just some dude on the internet. All I can say is that I have good standing as a seller on eBay and Mercari, am very serious about handling other peoples money, and that your information (emails, names, address, regular things I'd need in order to send stuff to you) is 100% safe with me. :] 👍

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Okay so you've made it this far -

How does this work?

Well! This is my first time doing this so the main post is mostly based off of how shsl-box-split runs their splits (+ throw a bit of Harpys_ on IG in there too). They're both incredibly wonderful and friendly so I highly suggest checking them out!

I am one person doing this alone so please be patient with me during this process. Basically, it'll go something like this:

Decide on what keychain(s) you want + what photo cards you'd like to try for.

Send me an ask containing which characters you want (I will not post your message, it's just to help me see who claimed what first!) as well as your preferred payment method (Paypal or Venmo). Claims are first come, first served.

I'll DM you to confirm your claims, total, and send either a link to my Paypal or my Venmo username. Please do not claim keychains if you cannot immediately pay for them.

After payment is received, I will update the split post with your username and log down relevant information into a separate spreadsheet. At this time you are free to send me your shipping address (recommended) or wait to send it at a later time.

We time travel wait for the February 2024 release date!

Shortly after the keychains get to me in February, I will begin sorting and packing. Before sending anything out, I will message you one last time to confirm that your claims and address are correct (or ask for your address if you haven't already sent it).

I send off your package using USPS! It arrives at your mailbox! Boom, transaction complete! :D

About photo cards...

Each set comes with one random photo card. Every character will have 3 slots and you are allowed to reserve one photo card for every keychain purchased. Reserving a photo card does not guarantee that you will receive one. Some examples: You buy one 1 keychain and reserve a Hajime photo card - if any of the sets come with Hajime, he's yours! You're the last (third) person to reserve Hajime's photo card. You will only get him if - by some miracle - all three bonus cards are revealed to be Hajime. You claim Hajime, but the photo cards are of Makoto, Kaede, and Shuichi. You will not receive a photo card with your order. Your best bet is to reserve characters that don't already have reservations or to reserve different characters (if purchasing multiple keychains). I don't think there'll be duplicates, but for the sake of covering all bases, 15 slots are available for reserving photo cards.

This split will be open until the sets arrive at my door. If you need to pull out of the split, please, do not contact/start a dispute with Paypal or Venmo. Let me know what's up and I will send back your money. No shame, no judgement.

If for whatever reason my preorder is cancelled, something comes in damaged, etc. I will send out an explanation message + offer refunds to those affected. I do not give out refunds if your package has already been shipped.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

And that's...pretty much it! Thank you for reading this incredibly long post lol. If you have any questions please let me know! :J If you're interested in joining the split, feel free to see what's available here.

[regular-lord-reckoner]

welp, we got scammed by a plumber today, lol

we suspected that we had a leak but our most recent ridiculous water bill confirmed that, so my mom reached out to a plumber to come out and take a look

one of the mechanisms inside the toilet on both mine and my mom's were broken so that was part of it, but there's also apparently a leak under the house as well

some guys came out to look at it and said they'd be back out to replace those parts and then get under the house and fix that one so okay, great

except when the guy shows up today he's like, "oh, the other guy actually fixed the one under the house when we were here last" which like...??? why didn't you just say that, then??

but okay, whatever, maybe it somehow slipped his mind?

in any case, our family friend went behind him today and pretty quickly realized he didn't replace any parts in the toilet at all and actually made the problem worse!!

all he did was turn the water down so that it didn't seem like it was leaking anymore so thank fuck for our friend who checked and then went to the store to get the parts and replaced them himself

he was watching him at one point but got distracted because he got an email about a job offer on his phone so he was trying to set up that interview and wasn't observing him as closely, but dude definitely just brought in pieces to supposedly replace the broken ones and yet it's still the same broken ones that are in the toilet; you can tell because they've got wear and tear damage and our family friend said that when he was looking at them in the store that the design doesn't even look like that anymore so...yeah. total shitshow.

i know at one point during both "repairs" he had to go out to his vehicle (which wasn't even a van or anything, it was a fucking mercedes sedan) to get something (and hilariously at one point he came back with a tool that was way too big for the job he was doing) so my guess is he just ditched the new parts back in his car right then and left the old ones in place and called it a fucking day assuming we wouldn't take the tank off and have a look for ourselves or that we wouldn't know the difference, i guess??

i also don't know what the fuck he did in my bathroom but my bath mat ended up soaked and he also grabbed one of my towels i had hanging up to mop up the rest and claimed it was "already there on the floor"

no the fuck it was not, but just goes to show how much of a liar this dude is (which as an aside like...you can use my towels, it's not really about that, it's just the audacity to lie like that when i know for a fact that fucker was hanging up on the door)

in any case, we've been blowing his shit up on yelp and wherever else and my mom knows people who are from where he is and would be delighted to tell everyone what a piece of shit he is and to not do business with him. i hope to god he never gets to rip another person off ever again

hilariously, their yelp page didn't have any reviews on it before today and when we mentioned that on the phone he claimed it was because he doesn't want to pay for them (as if he's sooooo honest he would never!!) but now since my mom left a review all of a sudden there's a bunch of reviews from i'm assuming his friends and family all like "great business, you guys helped a lot!!"

pretty sure you're not allowed to falsify reviews to boost your 1 star rating so i called that out in my own yelp review and now i'm not seeing those as recommended comments anymore and it's back to 1 star so...that's funny

anyway, i wish this bitch the absolute worst in life and best of fucking luck to you, dude, because if there's one thing my father couldn't stand in this world it was men who do shit like that.

and i know my dad's up to some shit in the afterlife as well because our family friend had some family he hasn't talked to in over a decade reach out to him out of the blue and it's been a really positive and good thing for him and it's just like...what are the chances, y'know? (and it wasn't like, "oh hey, man, haven't talked to you in a while!" it was like...a door that had closed that he never thought would open again and now it's just...wide open! thanks, dad :3)

a lot of good things have been happening to people he's cared about, actually, so i just cannot wait for this dude and his scam of a business go down in flames

makes me sick to my fucking stomach to think of how many people he's probably taken advantage of and who just didn't know any better. that trick he pulled on us probably would have worked until it inevitably got worse but that could take a while and by then we wouldn't automatically assume it was him but rather just our rotten luck, y'know? just absolutely despicable.

[passingdaysthings]

9.23.23 - Constantly, and it's annoying

Today is Saturday.

I am actually doing homework right now, but I am distracted from my thoughts, so I need to get them out before I go back to it. As always, I think pretty deeply about my relationship with Taylor, and it's something that weighs on my mind heavier some days than others. Obviously. Most of my updates are about Taylor, but that's because I don't have much to say about other parts of my life. I really enjoy my work, and the people I work with. I play less volleyball since school started so I don't think too deeply about my mistakes or I don't have time to. I did hurt my shoulder though, and it continues to bother me. It makes serving really hard. I started school again too so I am pretty busy. I will be working volleyball soon, but I don't think that I can do it. I am a little worried about work the volleyball season AND doing school. I think I will just tell Eric that I can't handle it when that time comes, but for now, I will see what I can do. I am also going to pick up beach volleyball on Thursday so I don't think I will be able to help. Actually, fuck. I think I should quit now. I don't think I can handle volleyball and work. I am picking up beach, so that means I won't be able to work Monday or Thursday nights, and then I have class on Wednesday nights. I think the best I could do would be working on Saturdays, but even then, I don't really wanna work on my Saturdays. I just want to sleep in and then do homework without worry. Shit, I should draft my 2 week resignation email right now. I wrote the email LOL. I will probably send it tomorrow morning since the sooner the better. I shouldn't push myself because I don't need that job, and I don't need to sacrifice my mental health anymore.

Back to why I am writing this, it's so weird that I have days where I am more okay with Taylor bs than others, and I think it's something I am getting better with. Mostly because I just remember all the dumb shit he says to me, and I remind myself that I don't owe him anything. I also don't have to put up with his bs as much as I have to no matter how sad he is. I was there for him, and he treats me as if I'm very replaceable from time to time. There are times he says dumb shit though. Like, when I told him my horoscope told me that I am ready for new problems, and he said hi, I am new problems. I told him he was my old one so I hope he caught that. He ended up responding and said he would become my new problems too. I wonder if he hears himself sometimes because he is talking like this to a girl he has no feelings for. I wonder if he even thinks about losing me and our friendship one day. I know that he had lost friends and friendships in the past that have really affected him, but will he treat losing me the same? He will just be sad, hold it in, and then explode one day by himself. Will he just pretend to be angry and not care about me? I wonder when the day will come. I could make it come much sooner by just ending everything myself, but I care too much about him as a person even if he weighs heavily on my mind often. I just know that I will never get involved in another relationship like this unless I confirm that the dude likes me because I really thought Taylor liked me, and I was fucking bamboozled. He just wanted everything, but the title. He wants to intimacy AND emotional involvement, but not the commitment. Tracy said that I already have his highest form of love which is being his friend because I won't be a girlfriend that could possibly cheat on him like all of the ones in the past did. I can just stay by his side forever, and he can will never truly lose me. That was such a funny thing for Tracy to say, but it makes sense.

I need to get back to homework now. Bye, to myself, ig.

-P

[sheerioswifties]

i’m good!! better now than i was two hours ago, haha - i did get tickets!!! it was literal hell but it worked!!! i’ll have my fingers crossed for you for the west coast sale!! 🍀🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻

YAY I'M SO GLAD YOU GOT EM! YEE have you thought about outfit ideas etc yet?

As for me I mean at this point I think I'm going to be stuck watching the whole tour virtually. I got really screwed over, even though I registered and got confirmation and all the things, when I go to try to join just the queue, it puts an error message saying it's for verified fans only. I AM VERIFIED TICKET MASTER WTAF,,, so I can't get in and they don't even have any form of customer service or live help. I'm trying to just be stoic about this like I can't do anything about it but email them and hope something comes through??? But also though it's I'm just like

So I mean we'll see

I feel bad for Taylor like she's probably getting complained at/about but like she can't really control it either, it's all Ticketmaster. I miss the days where you could go by tix in person at the "box office" they'd have at certain stores etc like if I could just even talk to a live person but they don't even do phone support. Anyways sorry I went on a lil rant there. You know what we need? Wine. Lots of wine

[ivesambrose]

⋆ 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 ⋆

1. 2. 3.

Take a deep breath and pick a gif 💚

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at jovescorpioreadings@gmail.com with your name and query 🌙

Gif 1

It may feel like an overwhelming emotion of sadness is trying to get a hold of you and make you sink with it. I see some of you possibly crying at night then getting back to work in the morning. Start of the month you may not be able to see the silver lining of joy and fulfillment and things actually working out for you behind the scenes. But just because you can't see it doesn't mean that don't exist. You'll take the heaviness of this emotion or loss and build yourself up. Strong and sturdy, quite proud of what you could become. You may have a moment where you feel like you should have listened to someone in the past you may have had a falling out with and you likely would want to make amends with them if not this could just be you realizing you should listen to your hunches and forgive your past self and move forward a better individual. The coming new moon also brings about a promising creative energy for you, inspiration from dreams etc. This month, watch your best self unfold. Also, let the romance your heart's been craving deep down but you're denying, in.

Gif 2

Honestly though, congratulations! You're on your way to make big money. Its something you really like to do since your childhood. There's steady growth. Stop dropping things just because they take time. The slightest effort and time you put towards this will bring you bank in taurus season and even more returns in the coming 6 months. There will be choices and opportunities in front of you that might feel like a fork in the road. I see that you're afraid to dream big even though you cannot help but do so since your innate desire. You fear it's too intimidating almost. Behind that fear is a blessing. The fear is just a ruse. It seems you've figured out your passion and I'll confirm it for you, its your dedication towards a version of you that you've always pictured being. A lot of you I see working hard perhaps towards a body goal too or maybe a project you're putting together, remember to balance out all that fire in you with some earth. Take some time to simply be, take a walk, let your bare feet touch the ground.

Gif 3

A message you had been praying for, new found hope, travel, a sense of wonder, awe...

You want to dream, you want to create, you want to use art as a means of escape, means of expression, means of strength. There's romance, yes. Maybe even choices too. There's a desire to reconnect with your spiritual side too. Intuition is indeed running high but I see you being calm through it all. You've realized that in your stillness lies your strength and you want to gatekeep this new found power/gift/mindset of yours. Suddenly you feel a long drawn out cycle closing. It's like you no longer care for the thoughts that have been plaguing you for the longest time. You look to the moon and its reflection in the water and feel, "you know what, I have all my answers. I know which way to go. I don't need to keep asking for directions. I don't have to hammer a nail in to make something happen, it's already happening as it should be." take this month to pick up something you've always wanted to do and continue to be in flow with it.

[annabelle--cane]

HOKAY. DEH MOVIE THOUGHTS. I hope there's someone out there who wants nearly 3k words of this.

-> I do have to say this first before I go in on it, but it's really not one of the worst movies I've ever seen, I think a lot of the really low ratings are getting a bit overzealous. the age things fades from consciousness after like 15 mins, the performances are either fine or really quite good, you can only go so wrong with a mellow pop score, and there are a few really good scenes. I think if you go in with no prior deh knowledge (nor a grudge still somehow burning hot from the 2017 tony awards), you'll probably think it's Fine. but, if you do have any prior knowledge, you can easily see how nearly every plot and structure change makes the story worse.

-> the emotional pacing gets kinda fucked up if you start right with "waving through a window," evan's meant to start this day at least kinda hopeful and then loose that hope gradually throughout the day as he talks to people and things don't go well. not the greatest of this movie's sins by all means, but it wasn't a great start.

-> I will say that nik dodani as jared was an absolute joy. king of delivering jokes with good timing and being canonically gay now.

-> removing "anybody have a map" also takes away like half of the material we have with real connor and means we aren't really introduced to zoe until "for forever," so it feels like something's missing when they're so important in those first school scenes. it also takes away our first looks at the murphy parents and the various ways their parenting is flawed, which I think is part of one of the movie's bigger problems: removing/reassigning blame and not letting characters be as flawed as they are in the stage show, but put a pin in that, I'll come back to it later.

-> removing "anybody have a map" also removes heidi's character establishing moments, which is part of a wider problem with how she's portrayed, but put a pin in that, I'll come back to it later.

-> "they were so sad, his parents... his mom was just... I've never seen anyone so sad before" they were so restrained they really did not look that sad bro.

-> they soften alana a lot, which is not a bad thing on it's own, and amandla stenberg does a very nice job in the role, but now her interest in outreach and keeping connor's memory alive is decidedly genuine and altruistic with no other motives mixed in there. where in the musical she has a whole thing about feeling invisible and like no one would notice if she disappeared, and the viewer can maybe extrapolate that she attaches herself to connor's memory as a way of finally getting attention the same way evan does, in the movie she already gets plenty of attention as it is, she has no invisibility problem. again, not a bad thing on its own, but now we've kind of lost that theme of where the line is of people genuinely being affected by a tragedy or attaching themselves to it personal gain. there's a moment where we see some bullies taking a soulful selfie in front of connor's decorated locker, but that's about it with that wider theme.

-> right, here's where things start to get more messy. evan goes to the first dinner at the murphy house fully planning to confess, he doesn't have that bit where jared tells him to "nod and confirm" or anything, neither he nor jared want this to go further. evan goes in, wanting to put everything to rights, and cynthia puts words in his mouth before he has the chance. he hasn't even sat down before she starts saying "connor knew we read his emails, so can you show us the secret accounts you talked to each other with?" (that they would read his private emails at all is breezed by, we almost don't hear larry's "somebody had to be the bad guy," like it's barely relevant), and then when she starts arguing with zoe about if connor was a bad person, she turns right to evan and says "you remember good things about connor, right?" making none of it evan's idea. he isn't seeing cynthia grasping at straws to find a good memory of her son and opening his mouth to fix it, cynthia is now much more self assured and directing this conversation.

-> "sincerely, me" slaps. no two ways about it. it's like they shot everything else first and then remembered "oh shit this is a MUSICAL" and put their whole hearts into having one proper number.

-> I did think the contrast in "requiem" between zoe saying that she doesn't care vs the visual image of her almost crashing her car on purpose was interesting, but I really don't think they needed to add in a depiction of a suicide attempt that wasn't plot necessary and there could have been other ways to show that zoe wasn't as unaffected as she was saying. also the floating heads of all three of them singing together was A Bit funny.

-> "if I could tell her" is mostly unnotable, except they remove the part at the end where evan kisses/tries to kiss zoe (also cutting "I can't BELIEVE you tried to kiss ZOE MURPHY. on her brother's BED. after he DIED." which is a crime on its own), again taking away the first ways evan tries to make this lie work in his self interest.

-> okay. "the anonymous ones" and alana's new material. the song doesn't sound as good as the others in the show, and the lyrics are a little broad and unspecific, but isn't a bad song at all, and I do really like what it does for alana's depth. they remove "disappear" as part of removing imaginary-connor as a whole, and this takes its place, but now this means the connor project isn't evan's idea, it's alana's, and it's purely altruistic. evan only agrees because she's so genuine and really wants to help people, nobody is really making any big mistakes in this situation. they give some good stuff to alana, but it subtracts from the whole and makes the situation less complex.

-> the addition of a big movie sized ensemble does make the wide reach of "you will be found" hit better, it is very tangible how big the connor project explodes, but it also loses much of it's feeling of cynicism, it seems much more heartfelt with no darker undercurrent. also, they remove the kiss between evan and zoe at the end of the song. zoe says "you've given me my brother back" and just hugs him. in the stage show, this is a big character moment for evan, because after zoe kisses him once and you watch him turn away and think "do I want to do this? do I let myself get what I want on the back of all these lies?" before going back in to kiss her again, and here we don't get that at all.

-> right, back to heidi. every scene with her is so much less intense, it feels like she's barely a part of the movie. the scene where she's like "hey, funny thing, I saw a video of you doing a speech about the boy you said you didn't know" has almost no energy behind it. she at no point seems confused or angry or stressed, she's very unaffected, and evan in turn doesn't have her stress and frustration to react off of. he's just like "yeah it wasn't true when I said I didn't know him" and she's like "ah right. see you later." that entire emotional core and back-and-forth between them is just Gone.

-> the song "to break in a glove" itself is cut, but we still have the scene of larry showing evan baseball stuff to sell for the orchard. in the show, larry bought the baseball glove for connor as something he thought connor should like, demonstrating how he gets stuck in how he thinks things ought to work, trying to force it, but ending up making it worse, but in the movie it's a genuine act of reaching out. he explains that, the first time he met connor when connor was like five or something, larry was really nervous about getting on with the kids, but connor took to him immediately and asked to play catch, so this was larry trying to reference that and reconnect properly. flaws removed!

-> "only us" just. makes NO sense. as it's played in the movie, it's zoe showing up at evan's house to propose starting a relationship (WHERE is "I don't even know if we're ~dating officially or whatever~"), but the song's lyrics are? so clearly about an established relationship? and then we get a montage of them doing romantic activities during the song and it's unclear if they're trying to say that actually psych they've been together for a while, that those events happen after somehow, or those are imagined moments of a potential future. I would say the third option, but it's also intercut with alana and jared waiting for evan to turn up to connor project meetings, so they must be happening at some point and. ?????

-> as with every other heidi scene, the part with her at the murphy house is SO underwhelming. it's so awkward and intense on stage, showing how heidi is embarrassed and caught off guard and feels ambushed by this sudden offer by these strangers who seem to know her and her son's lives very well, but there's none of that in her in the movie scene. in the movie, she's cool and unaffected. it seems like she's turning down the offered money for no reason, like she really means that she doesn't want evan thinking he can just accept "handouts." it also makes the argument she and evan have afterwards feel really unearned.

-> ooooh man the glaring absence of "good for you." I get that this would be a difficult one to execute on film, but they could have at least written a new song or scenes to serve the same purpose. jared kind of all but disappears after "you will be found," he's in some montages but I don't think he has any more lines, so we don't get any tension at all between him and evan at this point. with no big angry song and no "did you fall or did you let go" scene, we don't have evan getting desperate to keep it all together, so it again feels unearned that evan just hands over the letter to alana. she asks once "hey was this even true?" and he sends her the file pretty much instantly, which is even weirder given that this scene now happens in person instead over a call and he could easily have just shown her on his own phone.

-> alana also takes at least a couple of hours before uploading the letter, making it much less an impulse decision. she has a reprise of her song before she does it, so you get a feeling that she is still kind of doing it out of desperation to help people feel less alone, but it feels like a much worse decision when she takes all that time to consider it first.

-> the fight between larry and cynthia before "words fail" feels very strange, because they still have a lot of lines from the stage version about various ways the other fucked up in trying to help connor, but the version of them that are in the movie don't seem like they'd ever do that. if larry in this movie actively opted in to being connor's father and tried so hard to connect with him, why would he call him an attention seeker when he first attempted suicide?

-> they also cut what I always felt was a really important zoe moment here, the part where she tells larry that he kept punishing connor and treating him like a criminal but that cynthia's completely hands off approach wasn't any better.

-> the song itself was fine. you don't need me to tell you that ben platt can emote and has a good singing voice.

-> but, the last part of the song is where we find out how evan really broke his arm, and again, it is a Choice to show a flashback to a suicide attempt happening in a show that usually takes such great care in how it words everything and monitors its social media spaces to avoid putting people at risk.

-> they also have a quick scene at school the next day where evan tells zoe that he thinks her family should tell everyone what he did to get the heat off of them, and zoe says her mother doesn't want to do that and inflict that same hate mob they just got onto him, but we're meant to get the idea that that's not right, that in order for evan to truly right his wrongs, he has willingly expose himself to that mob, which I think is entirely the wrong idea.

-> "so big/so small" just doesn't hit as hard. without evan and heidi's relationship having been as fraught before, it feels like less of a release, and the fact that there's at least a day between evan confessing to the murphys and going to her makes it feel less urgent. they also cut a few lines that I personally just really liked, "heidi: I didn't know that you, that you were hurting like that... how did I not know? / evan: because I never told you / heidi: you shouldn't have had to."

-> deep sigh. the whole public confession and "accountability" thing. I really, really feel like this whole part was just trying to appease all that bad faith criticism of the show that was like "it is SO fucked up that this story literally CONDONES all of evan's actions, as evident by the fact that he isn't publicly shamed for the rest of his life and then arrested." besties, if he publicly confessed to all these lies, why wasn't he then sued for $100k dollars worth of fraud? why is "redemption" only possible by accepting that you need to be punished by the masses? they really show how the harassment affected the murphys, but evan only seems to get dirty looks in the cafeteria, there's no interaction with what this could actually do to him, it's just taken as read that this is the right thing. the people that evan really hurt were the people directly in his life, if the movie wanted him to do more to fix that then he should have done something directly for the murphys, alana, and jared, except jared doesn't have anything to really feel wronged about in this movie I guess.

-> I have mixed feelings on finding a video of connor playing a song he wrote, but I'm not that riled up about it. I do think a point of the musical is that at the end everyone has to accept that connor didn't get the help and attention he needed, he died, and that nothing can bring him back and let them know him better and they just have to move on, but this wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. when the bar is at "at least he wasn't a ghost who narrated half the show and did actually have a real secret best friend the whole time," I think this is basically fine.

-> despite how much they made the lie spinning out like it did a problem of circumstance and not evan's decisions, they still really want the audience to know how really sorry evan is about what he did. "what I did... it's the worst thing a person can do" bestie you know that isn't true, there are innumerable worse things you can do to people. get back to me when it's time to reveal you actually killed connor and planned all of this from the start or something.

the overarching thing that I think made the movie weaker was an unwillingness to ever have anyone do anything that was actually bad. evan didn't want to lie in the first place, jared is just a funny little guy with no meanness in him, alana isn't at all trying to personally gain from connor's death, there's no evidence that zoe comes to see her brother in a different light by the end, larry and cynthia were normal and good parents, and heidi's kind of annoying sometimes but there's never any point where you can see her emotions are getting the better of her.

the things that make dear evan hansen really interesting to me is how, in one way or another, I've met all of these people before. people who have flaws and desires and unmet needs and internal lives that lead them to do bad things that seem entirely justifiable and never want to admit they're wrong. the dear evan hansen in this movie is not that, it's a story of people who never knowingly do anything wrong but are immensely guilty about it anyway, which for me makes it so much more annoying and so much less compelling to watch.

also bold move to make larry the hottest character but I'll take it.

[yeetlegay]

The gremlin is back with new notes, I hope you don't mind. I'll put a read-more mark in case someone wants to skip them.

Santa Maria we're like 1 minute in and it's already going places

Pete didn't strike me as a tattoo person but it makes sense

I mean I know my man is getting slapped and all but that shirt is fire

"Who's a good boy?" sounded equally terrifying and awfully cute (9 minutes in and I'm already bananas)

TANKHUN YES HELLO OMG YOUR OUTFIT IS LIT LIKE ALWAYS

Tankhun has the best reactions, kicking Kinn with legs included

Porsche is the definition of "this all could've been done without a gun and yes, this all could've been an email"

JESUS that wrench is huge

what if the car accident was caused by Time? In one of the first episode Time mentioned Tay's dad covered up his car accident like nothing ever happened because it was his area. Just a thought.

omg Porchay and his Snoopy hoodie so cute I'll die

as someone who has terrible relationship with my siblings, I'd die for their bromance. Porsche and Porchay might get on some people's nerves in the fandom, but like... They literally only have each other. Of course they'd be super gentle and overprotective.

God that blow-dryer is loud

omg these two babies. Tay and Time are serving looks

OH MY GOD SHE IS SO PRETTY SHE IS INDEED SERVING LOOKS

Love how Tay is manspreading while Time is trying to occupy as little space as possible

Vegas is really reading Childhood's End, a story about literal aliens invading Earth while he has Pete locked up???

No, he isn't. Idk whether I should say God bless or not

I wish Vegas' father a happy burn in hell

Tankhun is such a fashion icon and no I will never stop saying it

I want Tankhun to be kindergarten teacher to my kids so he can teach them basic life rules such as be relaxed and kill everyone who is suspicious immediately and all that while looking so damn fabulous

Sir, uh, that is, um, really creative excuse to kiss someone...

Pete is so good at asking the right questions at the right time

"Have you ever loved me?" no, that's why he Superman-ed those kidnappers and proceeded to enter the warehouse guns blazing... (I getchu tho, Chay...)

Vegas, it's not as bad as before because prior to this you got free Pete therapy session

"If you hate me, you'll have energy to kill me later." or as I call it, positive thinking

Turbulence... noted.

Nope, I don't think my car accident theory was correct. Rest in peace theory, you did your best.

I started to respond to this bullet by bullet but half the bullets were just variations of “AKDHDJNSJSKAJSH SO TRUE” so here is a shortened version lol

THE WHO’S A GOOD BOY LINE REWROTE MY FUCKING DNA ISTG if I ever decide to proceed with my villain era I will be taking Vegas as my manipulate manslaughter malewhore inspo

“This could’ve been an email” LESTAT I WHEEZED

That wrench scared me more than the electric chair (taint edition) from ep 10, like for why is it so ENORMOUS

I live for sibling bonds too ugh. Oldest of 5 here so Porsche’s older sibling struggles resonate deeply. (Also that one post about how Kinn is a middle son but an eldest daughter…math was found dead from the accuracy)

The second I saw the Childhood’s End cover I had to pause and Google lol I’m obsessed with analyzing characters’ reading choices (the Kardashian Konfidential book led to a headcanon that Kinn started watching KUWTK with Tankhun just to feel something and now he’s lowkey a celebrity gossip encyclopedia)

Tankhun kindergarten teacher…WHO’S GONNA WRITE HIM STARTING A MAFIA DAYCARE FOR THE NEXT GENERATION OF THEERAPANYAKUL TOTS

No bc my first thought when Vegas did the pill kiss was “holy shit he’s ballin I could’ve been having my gf give me Tylenol kisses this whole time???” Like absolute legend behavior imo

Kinn walking like that had me thinking Something Else and I was like “surely…surely they wouldn’t have…..not-not on a-a helicopter” so glad we got confirmation of a sky bj to bring my brain back online (sort of)

[aphrostarot]

The Emperor Pick a Pile

If you feel like you need to set better boundaries, protect your energy, and fully embrace your boss energy then this pick a pile is for you.

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me or email me if you are interested!

Pile One:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Death:

To me, it seems as if you are constantly trying to control everything in your life. Additionally, I believe that you may fear change on top of the control issues. Intuitively, you may know when big changes are coming, which provides you with a chance to delay them, but you do not seem to have been able to do that recently. Change keeps coming your way no matter what you do, which has been making you pretty stressed out. However, you are unaware that these changes are helping you to become a better version of yourself.

Passion Ignited:

A new beginning within your soul passions is the theme of this card. This suggests that your passions have undergone some major shifts. Maybe you've lost your job recently, or maybe you've just realized that what you once loved isn't what you want anymore. There may be people in your life who are putting pressure on you, trying to make you do things that you do not want to do, which has further contributed to your stress. It seems you have been struggling lately trying to figure out how to pursue what you really want while also making the people around you happy, regardless of the situation. You need to know that your own happiness is all that you need to focus on, not anyone else’s.

Heart Chakra:

Given your current situation, it makes sense that your heart chakra is currently out of balance. It's difficult to have parts of your life out of your control, especially when it comes to your chakras. During this time, you can begin to regain balance within this chakra by practicing more self-care.

What do you have control over in your life?

Seven of Cups:

Right now, you are unaware that regaining control over your passions is within your reach. All you need to do is realize this and take the necessary steps to regain control. The first step is to do what makes you happy and stop trying to make everyone else happy.

Trapped in Fear:

It seems that an unnecessary amount of worry plagues you. Since you are filled with so much worry you are unaware that these worries are actually preventing you from taking the steps necessary to regain control over the things you have lost along the way. Get out of your own head, stop letting your fears drive your life, and take control of your life again. Get back in the driver's seat.

What is outside of your power?

Two of Pentacles:

Your finances may have suffered as a result of your struggles with your passions. It may have been a long time since you were financially stable. At this point, this does not need your attention. Right now, your financial security is beyond your control. What you have control over is how to regain balance in what you want to pursue, not how much money you will make. Money worries are not necessary right now. You are focusing too much on the future when you should really be focusing on the present.

Patience:

During this time, you need to be patient with yourself and your journey. By exercising patience, you will not only regain control over parts of your journey that have gone off track, but you will also feel balanced within yourself, which may eventually allow you to let go of some of your worries.

Solar Plexus Chakra:

This chakra is associated with your psychic abilities and inner feelings. As I mentioned before, you may have a strong intuition, and this card seems to confirm it. Currently, it appears that this part of yourself is out of balance. You may want to try yoga or breathwork to help you restore your balance. Also, keep a close eye out for other people and energies surrounding you.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

Page of Cups:

It is possible that you are an extremely sensitive person. This can cause you to live with your head in the clouds, seeing the best in everything and everyone. As a result, you are often taken advantage of. Some people in your life may only keep you around for you to fulfill their needs. It is time that you begin to say no to the people who take advantage of you and your energy. Now is the time for you to focus on yourself and your journey.

Sacral Chakra:

It seems that most of your chakras are out of balance. The Sacral Chakra focuses on your emotions, desires, sexuality, and creativity. Because you are surrounded by some energy sharks in your life you have not been able to fully express yourself. Now is the time for you to do this. Try dancing, or meditation to help you find balance in this area. Also, it is important that you remember that you matter, regardless of what others tell you!

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

Six of Cups:

For some, you may be in a soulmate relationship right now and debating on if this person is truly meant for you or not. This is a sign that they are meant for you, but that your relationship just needs a bit of work to maintain. For others, I am getting that an ex has recently come back into your life and you don’t know if you should take them back or not. This is a sign that you should be taking them back but that once you do, you will need to go about the relationship differently than how you did in the past.

Knight of Cups:

This person is very romantic and cares deeply for you and your feelings. You can count on them to be loyal and dedicated to you. They want what is best for you and are willing to provide you with a fairytale romance. Considering you have an out-of-balance heart chakra right now, it would make sense that you may be having questions about this relationship. The maintenance here is you regaining balance in your heart chakra so you are more willing to accept the love this person offers.

Hope:

For some, it feels to me that you had been lacking hope in your life for some time before this person came into your life. Having them here makes you feel things that you have not felt for so long, and that makes you worry that it won't last. You've rediscovered freedom through hope and this leaves you feeling nervous about the outcome because you are frightened that things won't work out, leaving you heartbroken.

Temptation:

There is a substantial amount of sexual desire between the two of you. If this is your ex then maybe this was one of the reasons why the two of you ended up breaking up in the past, as you didn't take the time to get to know each other and only focused on sex instead of developing an emotional relationship. If that is the case, your guides are telling you that you need to make sure you don't get lost in lust in this relationship, as you did the last time.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

Eight of Swords:

At some point in your life, you may have struggled to maintain happiness. Perhaps it wouldn’t stick around once it came, or maybe you didn't know what made you happy. Because of this, you need to protect your happiness at all costs. As well as keeping your mental health safe. Particularly from yourself.

Six of Swords:

Progress in your life is what makes you happy. When you start to see all your hard work paying off in your life, especially on things you have been struggling with, it gives you an extreme sense of pride in yourself. You are being told that at all costs you need to keep that feeling. Don’t let what other people have to say about you and your journey make you lose your happiness. Make sure you are doing things that make you happy, not things that make others happy.

Triumph:

The meaning of this card is essentially the same as that of the Six of Swords or The Chariot in Tarot. Your guides are telling you that you must make sure that your progress is protected at all costs. Don't let others dictate your life. The only person who can control what you do in life is you, so take back control. Let yourself be happy.

Channeled Messages:

Library:

You can see from the picture of this layout that this card depicts a woman who is essentially a puppet. Your life is in the hands of others, and they have the power to control your emotions, your actions, and who you are. This card warns you of that. Now is the time to take control of your own narrative. Don't let other people tell you how to live your life. Live your life for yourself and no one else.

5461:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 5461 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

Pile Two:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Nine of Swords (reversed):

You have been plagued with nightmares recently. Traumas from your past that you were putting off have come back with greater intensity. They have become such a problem that you don’t know where to begin when it comes to healing. The good thing is that you are willing to find a way out, it's just that your mental state has become so out of control that you are feeling overwhelmed.

Three of Cups:

Your current state makes it difficult for you to celebrate all you have accomplished in life. You have been in such a funk and dark place and have not really experienced a second of joy as of lately. You may even feel that joy seems far away and unattainable right now.

Solar Plexus Chakra:

Solar Plexus Chakra is the center of self-esteem and confidence. Yours seems to be out of balance right now, which means that you may be experiencing some major self-doubt right now. You can get this back into balance by doing yoga or breathwork. Additionally, be aware of the people and energies that surround you. Energy sharks are the last thing you need in your life.

What do you have control over in your life?

The Emperor:

Considering I am doing the Emperor's reading, it is interesting to have it come through as something you are in complete control of at this time. It appears that you do not realize how much control you really have over your life. You already have all the power you need, you just need to realize it. Currently, your current inner turmoil has been affecting your view of yourself, but your guides are letting you know that there's nothing to fear at this moment, you have everything you need inside yourself to conquer your demons.

Balance:

You have complete control over invoking balance in your life. I know that right now it may not seem like it but you truly do have the power to take back your control over your mindset. Your anxieties no longer have to control your daily life. Making an appointment with a therapist can help you regain balance in your life. Remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. If therapy is out of the picture then try yoga, or doing something that helps alleviate some of your stress like drawing, or going to an art exhibit.

What is outside of your power?

Nine of Wands:

Currently, you are experiencing a great deal of inner conflict. Because of this inner turmoil, you feel as though there is no way out, which makes your stress levels even higher. You have been trying to get out of this situation with all your might, but you are trying too hard and not taking the proper actions. As your guides tell you, the way you are going about getting out of this is not the best way. By stressing so much, trying to escape, you are actually making your situation more difficult. I feel that some of you think that being in darkness is a sign of weakness, which is why you try so hard to get out. Right now your guides are telling you that your lesson is to allow yourself to feel something other than positive emotions.

Queen of Cups:

The Queen of Cups is extremely empathetic, someone who puts others ahead of herself and never fails to show compassion and understanding. When it comes to other people, you are quite good at this, but not when it comes to yourself. It is time for you to show yourself compassion. According to your guides, right now getting out of this situation is out of your control, which tells me you're meant to go through it. For some, I believe that you are going through your dark night of the soul right now. This is a necessary step in your transformation and self-discovery, one that should not be rushed. The best thing for you right now is to show yourself the same compassion and understanding you so easily exhibit toward others.

Sacral Chakra:

Your Sacral Chakra is the center of your creativity and sexuality. Right now, this seems out of balance for you. It has affected not only your motivation and creativity but also your sexuality. In recent months, you may have found it difficult to fully express yourself. Your guides are telling you that this is just a part of your current journey, and you should not worry about it right now. Since you've been stressed out about so many things recently, this has actually made your current situation worse. You should relax and give yourself the opportunity to take a break from constantly worrying about how you haven't been acting as you did in the past. You are undergoing a transformation as part of which you are changing. You should not worry about how you are acting differently than you used to.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

Six of Pentacles:

You are a very caring and understanding person. Even when you are trying to deal with your own issues, you are constantly there for people in your life. You have been putting a strain on your mental health by sharing too much, and now is the time to say no to the energy sharks who call themselves your friends. It is unhealthy for you to be around people who know you are going through something and expect you to be there for them constantly. It's time to begin saying no to them, let them figure it out on their own, and if they get upset at the idea of you taking care of yourself then they aren't meant to be in your life.

Three of Swords:

As you are going through a big transformation in your life, you feel very heartbroken and lost, and by constantly being there for the people in your life, you ignore yourself and your needs, which has been making your recovery much harder. It's time to put yourself first, stop thinking about others before yourself.

Throat Chakra:

Your Throat Chakra has been blocked for quite some time, and now is the time to begin speaking up for yourself. It is quite literally speaking up when you have something to say that will help you unblock this chakra. Quit silencing yourself to avoid rocking the boat.

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

Two of Cups:

You are currently in a soulmate relationship, whether it is romantic or platonic. This relationship that you have been questioning recently is meant to stay in your life. Recently there have been problems with its harmony, which may have caused you to question it. These problems are not a reason to end it, there is just some upkeep and maintenance to be done.

Four of Wands:

Currently, this relationship may be lacking stability, so your guides are telling you to find stability as soon as possible. If you live with this person, you may want to try redecorating or rearranging your furniture to make it more comfortable for both of you. You could also try having a date night with this person at home in a comfortable environment that will help you two regain some stability.

Power:

You have the inner strength and willpower to get through your current situation, especially when it comes to this person. Due to all of your worrying, you may not realize this. Right now, you must remember just how strong you are to help you overcome your problems.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

The Hermit:

You may like to be alone, preferring your alone time over hanging out with a bunch of people. Even if you are in a relationship, you still prefer to have some alone time. This is something you should not change about yourself, according to your guides. Do not let other people change or judge this aspect of yourself. This is a part of your identity that should be protected and not changed.

The Chariot:

You prefer to move around and travel rather than staying in one place for a long period of time. For some, I’m getting that you want to move out of your home town but there are people in your life who are pressuring you to stay. You are being told by your guides to keep your free spirit intact, do not let other people's pressure and judgment change you.

Wisdom:

Your desire to learn is constant. You always want to broaden your perspective and knowledge, and your guides are telling you to keep this part of yourself safe. Never stop learning, it is what makes you so unique.

Emotional Loss:

It is possible for you to move on and heal from any emotional loss, whether you are aware of it or not. You may not think that is the case right now because you have been in darkness for so long, but your guides are telling you that you have the power to heal yourself and move forward and you need to keep this part of yourself protected.

Channeled Messages:

Red:

Right now, your guides are telling you to forgive. You should forgive those who have let you down in your life, forgive yourself for not allowing yourself to feel pain, and forgive yourself for being upset with your guides for making you have to go through this pain. For some, I believe you have been extremely angry with your guides during this time, believing they have abandoned you or that they do not have your best interests at heart. Your anger is 100% valid and you need to forgive yourself for hating them.

1211:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 1211 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

Pile Three:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Two of Wands:

You may have just entered a partnership recently. In most cases, the Two of Wands describes a business partnership but based on the energy I am getting from this pile, I feel this could pertain to a romantic relationship for some. When this card comes out, it shows how well you and your partner work together and that you will go far together.

Page of Wands:

This person is an extremely friendly individual. They are very adventurous and fun-loving. Their charm and ability to communicate enable them to make friends easily. If this is a business relationship this is what has helped or will help the two of you get far.

Trapped in Fear:

This person's friendliness has been eating away at you for a long time. You are scared that this person’s friendliness will not make them committed to you. That they will leave you for something or someone better. Your fear has taken control over you and this relationship and it has gotten so bad that it is so far out of your control now.

Light:

You have let your fear control your life and your relationship, which has affected your happiness, especially in this relationship. Previously, you could fake happiness around this person, but now it has gotten so bad that you are unable to fake it.

What do you have control over in your life?

Two of Pentacles:

You may have struggled to maintain balance in your life in the past, but lately, that is not something that you struggle with anymore. Your life seems to be getting back to normal now that you have recently started regaining balance in areas where it had been missing for some time.

The Hierophant:

While it may not apply to everyone, I am seeing that you may have been unsure about marriage for some time now, which may be due to your lack of balance, but as of now, I am seeing that you may want to get married in the near future. A marriage, you feel, will give you a solid foundation in your life. For those who are already married, you may have felt that your marriage was one of the things lacking stability in your life, but now that you have regained a sense of balance in your life, it seems to be doing well.

Firm Foundation:

Following a period where you were lacking stability in your life, your guides are expressing to you that now you can create a foundation that is firm and lasting in your life. Whether it's marriage or finding stability and balance in your relationships, this is something to look forward to.

What is outside of your power?

The World:

You have a lot of anxieties when it comes to endings in your life, especially endings in your relationships whether romantic or platonic. Your guides are telling you that these endings are beyond your control. You cannot always keep people in your life, and that is okay. It is not possible to force people to stay or to put off endings. You need to let go of your fears in these situations.

Stand your Ground:

You have been allowing your fears and anxieties control your life for quite some time now and your guides are telling you that now is the time you stood your ground. You need to learn to control your anxieties.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

Seven of Cups:

You are being presented with a variety of options in your life, and most of these options are tempting you to veer off course. You are being told not to steer off course by your guides. Currently, you are on the right track and you do not need to change direction anytime soon. Say no to the people or things that tempt you to change.

Temptation:

We have established that you are being tempted by people and things in your life that seem much more fun than your current path. Stay on course; don't let these temptations lead you to change your direction. All the signs you get are urging you to stay on track.

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

Seven of Wands (reversed):

It feels as though you have fought tooth and nail to get to the point where you currently are, and you are tempted to change your course of action because nothing is going your way. You feel pretty defeated right now in some areas of your life.

Justice:

In this situation, you should know that justice will be served to you. Your efforts will pay off, all you need to do is start believing that you are worthy of winning. That's what needs maintenance, your mindset.

Spiritual Union:

What we have been discussing might be a soulmate connection, be it romantic or platonic. When it comes to this relationship, it may seem as though things are not going your way, but your guides are telling you that this is not the case, you will soon be facing justice.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

The Empress:

The Empress represents growth and feminine energy. You embody The Empress' qualities. You have a strong sense of self-worth and exude a calming and nurturing energy. Your guides are telling you to hold onto this side of you at all costs. Don't let someone or something make you lose this part of yourself.

Ace of Wands:

Starting new passions is something that brings you great joy. You are constantly moving onto new passions because you love the excitement they bring. Your guides are telling you to never let this side of you go, keep it safe at all costs.

Emotional Loss:

In the past, you may have experienced a major heartbreak that caused you to want to change aspects of yourself in order to get this person back or to make more people like you. Taking this step is not a good idea. You are being told here that changing yourself for someone else is not the right way to go about your life journey and you should not let other people's pressure to change your personality damage yours.

Channeled Messages:

Sword:

You have been considering making a change recently, whether it is cutting your hair or starting a new hobby, and your guides are telling you to go for it here.

5849:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 5849 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

Pile Four:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Three of Cups:

All things fun are associated with the Three of Cups. Previously, you may have been the party animal, the one everyone turned to for fun and to plan all of the get-togethers. Now, you have changed and it seems that people in your life still expect you to be that person, but you are no longer that person. It has become a conflicted situation since you feel that you have to fulfill that role in order for the peace to continue.

Harmony:

You are trying to be an old version of yourself in order to maintain harmony in your relationships at the moment, which is why it seems that harmony is lacking in them at the moment. You’ll be unhappy because you have to pretend to be someplace you’re not, so the harmony can't be maintained. It's hard to pretend to be happy when you're not.

What do you have control over in your life?

Eight of Pentacles:

At this time in your life, you have control over your mind. You know that you are not that old version of yourself, and you know that you do not want to be that person. Because you think the people in your life won't enjoy this new version of you, you pretend that you are still that person. Your guides are telling you with this card that you are in control of who you are and you know who you are. It shouldn't be necessary for you to pretend to be someone you aren't. People who do not like you for who you are aren't meant to be in your life.

Sacral Chakra:

In your Sacral Chakra, you find all of your feelings, desire, creativity, and sexuality. You may not realize you are in control of these things in your life because you're trying so hard to be someone you're not. By pretending to be an old version of yourself, your guides are telling you that you are causing this chakra to get out of balance. Stop trying to be someone you're not. It's unhealthy.

What is outside of your power?

Nine of Wands:

You will experience small setbacks in your journey with the nine of wands. Therefore, I am not surprised that you are experiencing some stress in your life due to setbacks. Every time you think you are getting closer to the finish line, something comes up that sets you back a few steps. Your guides are telling you that there really is nothing you can do to stop this from happening. Sometimes you will face setbacks, that’s just how life is.

Financial and Material Changes:

Money changes may be involved in these setbacks. It is possible that you are spending more than you are earning, causing you to struggle financially. Alternatively, you may be in a career such as running your own business where money doesn’t come as often as you’d like which pushes you back a few steps in your path. There's not much you can do about this at the moment, according to your guides.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

The Hanged Man:

In order to keep the peace, you have been making sacrifices in your life for quite some time now. One of the main sacrifices is you feeling the need to change yourself to make your friends happy. Your guides are telling you now is the time to stop feeling the need to change yourself for others.

The Star:

There is a small part of you that wishes you could one day feel happy while doing this. Your guides, however, say this is not the case. It is pointless to hope that one-day things will go well for you while you pretend to be someone you aren't.

Balance:

There is a lack of balance in your life right now because you are not fully expressing yourself. In order for you to regain balance in your life, your guides are telling you to stop thinking you have to be someone you are not in order for others to like you.

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

The Devil:

For quite some time now, you've been lacking fun and happiness in your life. This is because you believe pretending to be someone other than yourself will allow you to have fun. Having fun within your true self is what your guides are telling you to do. Make a point of finding new things that make you happy and things that you enjoy doing. You can have fun while being yourself.

The World:

You need a completion in your life right now. A completion in you thinking that in order for you to be liked you need to be someone else. It is now time to start showing your true self instead of hiding it.

Deception and Envy:

You may be jealous of the people in your life who are more confident than you are and do not fear expressing themselves. Your guides are telling you that expressing your true self will help you overcome this jealousy.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

Six of Cups:

A soulmate relationship in your life is something you need to protect at all costs. Though I do believe that it is a platonic relationship, it could be either romantic or platonic. Your guides are telling you that this person brings you great joy and you shouldn't let them go.

Firm Foundation:

Possibly this person has been in your life for quite some time now, and you have a solid relationship with them. You two get along really well together and are extremely comfortable in each other's company. In front of this person, you might even be able to express yourself fully. According to your guides, you should keep this relationship safe at all costs. You shouldn't let your current situation affect your relationship with this person.

Channeled Messages:

Potion:

During this time, your guides encourage you to practice self-care and self-love. Since you've been hiding your true self for so long, you've forgotten to take care of yourself. At this time, make sure that you are putting yourself first.

Lioness:

You have come a long way in your life and have experienced so many things that have left you physically and emotionally scarred. Here, the message is not to hide. As a result of your life experiences, you have accumulated some scars, but you should not be ashamed of them. The time has come for you to fully embrace everything that makes you who you are.

1332:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 1332 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you!

Venmo: @ aphrostarot

Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot

[teamfreewill2pointo]

I really appreciate you answering all the insane questions you get asked on this app, and how positive you are about the Js friendship. I'm glad JA and JP are in a good place. But I just can't figure out why in God's name JA never ever mentioned it to JP in lol that time they spent together filming SPN and their communication afterwards. If you have any light to shed on this I would so love to hear it because I can't wrap my head around doing that to a good friend.

I've answered this before and asked people to stop sending me asks about it because it seemed we were going in circles, but I can't find the posts I made about it because tumblr search sucks. I'll make a new post and then hopefully tag it in a way that tumblr can find again.

So basically, after prequelgate happened, I connected with two sources itk. My one source said exactly what Jensen later said, "There was a leak".

Here's a leaked video from a m&g where Jensen discusses it. Here's the transcript:

Robbie had a lot of work to do, he had his work cut out for him, and he wasn't… I think he had just come up with an outline of the, of the first episode when Deadline found out about it.

And we have a network and a studio and agents and lawyers who have had to talk about contracts are negotiated before anything ever happens. And of course that's how Deadline gets their connections, they're like hey give ya a hundred bucks if you got any insider information.

I wasn't, I didn't even tell my parents about it y'know, and, and, so that was early so I was superstitious and I don't talk about it because that'll jinx it. And then it came out and then everybody was like 'oh, quick, repost, y'know make sure, make sure it's not, make sure everybody knows it's true and not, not false reporting.' And so I did.

And I was on the set of The Boys that day and I kinda reposted it and said something quick and went back to set. And that's the thing about The Boys, there's no phones and no email, so I stayed on set, 12 hours a day playing backgammon with Karl Urban, and because this was kind of a big thing I went 'I have to go to the bathroom,' I don't have to, I ran back to my trailer and grabbed my phone and saw Jared tweeted back and, and he was right, I should totally- I wish he'd hadn't found out like that, I would have loved to have given him the pitch

The person who told me the leak info way back before Jensen himself said it also gave me some more details. Most of which I can't say here, but it better explains the story.

Basically, Jared knew about Project A, so he knew Jensen was working on a project with a "supernatural alum". He knew very basic ideas, which were totally different than what's now being presented, Project B, ie, The Winchesters. Part of that is because the network kicked it back/changed Project A.

I can't go into what was changed, but if you think about it and understand the network and the characters, I'm sure you clever peeps can put it together.

When the leak happened, it made it seem like the project was way more fully formed than it actually was.

Once Jared understood how Project A became The Winchesters and that The Winchesters was not even a zygote, then he understood why Jensen didn't tell him about such a premature project that was barely a project at all.

Jensen apologized in private and in public. They made up and they've been copacetic ever since, while fandom still continues to fight an argument that J2 are long past.

Anon 2(?) "Is it confirmed that Jensen will appear in TW as was rumored from the possible script leak rather than it being just his voice? If it really takes place between 15.19&15.20, then I really hope Jared shows up as Sam at least once. Feels wrong to not have him involved in this retelling even moreso if it’s taking place in a period where it is just the 2 of them in the bunker."

All I'm going to say is:

Pedowitz said, “I’ve been involved in two spinoffs that did not connect. We’ve had no further discussions whatsoever in terms of a Supernatural spinoff. I tend to believe that, at this point, the show’s essence is Jared and Jensen.” Speaking at the TCA summer press tour, he added that the decision to end the show came after a “very very long, sad, heartbreaking discussion” with stars Padalecki and Ackles as well as Warner Bros Television chief. “We all came to understand that the guys wanted to go out still relevant and they wanted to go be with their families and see what else was out there in the world. You know what, as we always said, when they’re ready to stop, we’ll stop. These shows go out the way that they’re supposed to go. But if you can convince them to come back, I’m open,” he joked.

[Cite]

“If the boys want to come back, I’m always open to do some more,” Pedowitz says of Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, who called it a day after 15 seasons of Supernatural a little more than a year ago.

[Cite]

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: fluffiest fluff ever, jealous amoreena, jealous spencer, the LaMontagne family is in this too !!

word count: 3.8K

from the beginning <3

He went to work with Y/N on Tuesday to fill out all the paperwork and officially become an employee at the D.C Public Library. He signed a contract, he was switched over to a different government healthcare, answering a million calls and emails all morning, he was officially not an FBI agent.

They had lunch together in the park, buying some sandwiches and walking across the street to a picnic table to talk about their days while they ate. He liked her co-workers, they all were shocked to find out she was “married” to him after being single the whole time she’s worked there.

They had plans to go get Amoreena from school a few minutes early, before heading to meet his mother, not telling her about the plans unless Diana had a bad day last minute and couldn’t see them. So far, according to the nurses, she was lucid and having a great day waiting for them.

“So about yesterday morning,” Y/N changed the subject, biting her lip like she was avoiding this.

“What about it?”

“Amoreena really wants us to have a wedding, I was thinking we could go up to New York for fathers day and have another fake wedding?” Y/N hypothesized her plan, hoping for Spencer’s approval.

He couldn’t help but smile, about to answer when he got an email on his phone. “I’d love to do that, it would be nice to go on a vacation with just as the three of us.”

“You can check that,” she said, noticing he looked at his phone as it buzzed.

It was an email. Not from anyone he knew, it wasn’t about work or healthcare, it wasn’t his mom or Penelope sending him funny things from the internet…

No, it was from Taylor Swift. He tried his best to calm his facial reactions and micro-expressions so she’d think it was just something work-related. An emailed contract, updated health forms, nothing too serious.

To: Spencer Reid From: Taylor Swift Subject: Amoreena

Hey Spencer!

Portia reached out and said that your wife and daughter are huge fans and you were interested in some summer tickets in Virginia… I was thinking if you guys ever found yourself in Rhode Island you’d all want to come to my place, my doors always open for friends 💛 Love Taylor xx

“What?” Y/n asked, trying to read over his shoulder as he turned the phone away.

“It’s a surprise,” he said, locking his phone and putting it in his pocket to reply to her later. “Have you ever thought about a beach wedding? Rhode Island is pretty nice in June.”

She tilted her head as she bit back a smile, wondering what he was planning, “Amoreena will have us reenact the little mermaid 2 instead of Enchanted then, just fyi, but yeah that sounds fun, we should get a beach house on Airbnb for the weekend.”

“Okay, let me handle it all, you don’t need to plan a single thing, just show up with a dress?” Spencer offered, knowing how scared weddings made her now.

She kissed his cheek softly, resting her chin on his shoulder as she leaned over on him, “nothing fancy or crazy okay?”

“Define crazy?” He teased her… she really had no idea what was coming.

To: Taylor Swift From: Spencer Reid Subject: RE: Amoreena

Thank you so much for the quick response and generous offer, we were thinking of having a small elopement in Rhode Island with just the three of us over Father’s Day weekend if that works for you? Seven is the song we danced to at our intimate personal wedding, however, Amoreena’s pretty sad she didn’t get to witness it, that’s why we’re having another one with her. (And hopefully you!) Thank you for making my girls so happy over all the years that I didn’t know them yet, you’re probably their favourite person in the world, even more so than me! It would mean everything to them to meet you or see you in any way, you’re incredibly kind for this.

Thanks again, Spencer Reid x

He tried his best to be as calm and nice as possible in his response, still managing to rant a little even in text format. It was just how he communicated, either not at all or all at once. He was so excited for Y/N and Amoreena.

“So you said your mom has a scrapbook,” Y/N changed the subject after Spencer spent 5 minutes in silence, turned away from her as he answered an email.

“She does, she’s going to show you a lot of photos of me today,” he smiled at the fact she remembered.

“I know you want to tell her about Amoreena alone before we come in, so I made her something for her scrapbook, it’s back on my desk drying,” Y/N was so precious as she got excited, that same giddiness he see’s in Amoreena bursting through her.

“Okay, let’s go see it,” he put his phone in his pocket and followed her back across the street towards the library.

On some beautiful floral scrapbook paper, Y/N glued an array of photos of Amoreena from the beginning all the way to the museum trip last week.

A photo of her first round of IVF, dated February 19th, 2013. Exactly 1 month after he donated, she must have chosen his sample as soon as it entered the system, even a photo of the sample jar reading “sample 2319”, A photo of her crying in the garden with her grandma when she found it she was pregnant, wrapped in a big coat and surrounded by snow. Her pregnancy announcement being a baby sock on a stuffed toy Sully from Monsters Inc, "new door opening November 2013!" Amoreena has been surrounded by references to books and movies since the beginning.

There was a photo from the moment Amoreena was born, crying and brand-new, resting on Y/N’s chest as she sobbed, more beautiful than he’s ever seen her before, completely in love with the child she made.

Amoreena Margery Y/L/N - November 13th, 2013, 9:53 pm 7lbs 12oz, 21 inches of perfection

“Her middle name is Margery?”

“Yeah,” she smiled back at his ever glowing face, wondering why it was so important to him. “Like Margery Kempe, my grandma’s favourite.”

“She’s my mom’s favourite too,” Spencer couldn’t help but laugh, it was such a strange turn of events. He saw so much of his mother in Amoreena just for her to have a middle name related to her.

Y/N couldn’t believe it, “I’m so excited to meet her!”

“I just hope she’s okay today, truly,” Spencer worried. “She is my best friend and a great mother, don’t get me wrong. But some of the things she did to me on her bad days were scary, and I never want Amoreena to experience that.”

Y/N pulled him into a hug, “it’s hereditary isn’t it?” He nodded against her shoulder as she tried to soothe all the impending anxiety out of his body. “I’m not going anywhere, she won't have to raise herself and care for you, that’ll never happen to her.”

She guessed, and she was right. Reading his mind like she’s already been in there and watched all his trauma, she knew all the right words and how exactly to push his feelings away. She was sunshine clearing his grey skies once more, about to cause a drought so he’d no longer rain on his own parade. Marching beside him, hand in hand into the future.

—

They waited at the gate of Amoreena’s school, none of the other parents were waiting yet, giving Y/N a chance to show Spencer around the yard and tell him about her school. “She’s in senior kindergarten, she has a November birthday so I opted to send her in when she was 6 instead of 5, giving me an extra year of home pre-school.”

“That’s why she’s so smart, not my genes,” Spencer smiled, walking around the edge of the gate with her hand still in his.

“They want her to jump right into grade 5 next year, I said no, she deserves a childhood with children she doesn’t have to compete with or see her as a threat,” Y/N voice was stern even in the recounting like she knew from experience. “Because she’ll be 8 in November she’s going into grade 2 instead, then she’ll be in the same age range and mental level, but all her friends she knows in grade 1 will be in the same recess yard as her.”

“I went from kindergarten to grade 4, then I jumped to grade 6 when I was 9 and I graduated high school at 13, it was terrible,” Spencer agreed, not knowing if he had a place in the decision but wanting her to know he agreed with it.

“Let’s go inside and get her,” Y/N smiled at him, understanding his meaning perfectly and dragging him into the school.

“Hello miss Ludlough,” Y/N beamed as she entered the main office with her arm tucked under Spencers, showing him off slightly.

“Y/N, good afternoon! Do you need me to call that little angel down early?” The secretary was a lovely older woman, wrinkled and happy as she smiled back.

“No, I just need to get some paperwork to put her dad in the files?” Y/N surprised Spencer with that and he almost stopped breathing.

“Really?” He whispered, capturing her attention as her eyes twinkled up at him.

“I’d like you on her emergency contacts, if they can’t get ahold of me I’d like you to be with her,” Y/N confirmed, patting his shoulder softly as Miss Ludlough handed her a few forms.

Spencer signed everywhere he needed to, handing them his licence to be photocopied into her file for proof when he picked her up in the future. He was glad to see there was a system, that they cared for his little girl and she wasn’t going to be going home with anyone who wasn’t in that file. And if she did he had no problem hunting them down and getting her back in whatever way he had to…

He shook the thought out of his head as it arises, reminding himself that that isn’t who he is now and she would be fine. They lived in a happy world where bad things didn’t happen.

Y/N’s hand rubbing his lower back helped, he stood straight again and pushed the papers over the desk, smiling as he officially became her father on 3 different sheets of paper. That was as real as it could get.

“Spence?” He heard an all to familiar voice from behind him.

Turning to see JJ and Will smiling with wide arms, waiting for his embrace. “What are you doing here?” She asked him, voice high as she was clearly shocked.

He walked into her arms and held her quickly, “I’m here with my wife,” breaking the news to her in the most casual way possible. “Picking up our kid.”

“Y/N?” Will noticed her then, “holy shit, you’re the wife?”

She nodded with a smile, hugging will quickly like she has known him for years, “how are you, cowboy?”

Spencer and JJ looked at each other incredibly confused, JJ clearly didn’t know her so how did Will?

“Will and I have been on what, 6 school trips together? Michael and Amoreena are buddies,” Y/N explained with a soft smile, “I knew Henry and Michaels's names sounded familiar…”

“Nini thinks I’m a cowboy,” Will laughed lightly, smiling at Y/N the way he did at JJ and something in Spencer almost snapped thinking about Will being the one person between him and the girl he liked, once again.

Only this time she was his wife and not the cute media liaison who had no interest in him until he came out of prison.

“She was very upset when she found out that Will was already married, she wanted us to be Woody and Jessie from toy story,” Y/N had no problem ranting about how their kids got along and how good of friends they had become over the last 2 years of school trips.

Y/N noticed the anxiety in Spencer’s eyes as he pulled away from JJ and made sure no one was touching him, “luckily, our little girl’s got the best daddy in the whole world now and all her dreams came true.”

“She sure does,” JJ agreed, “Hey, I gave your mom all those books you gave me for the boys, when you were away, so she had something to keep remembering you with, you should give them to Amoreena.”

“I will, we’re going to see her tonight,” he was able to push past the feelings and enjoy the moment of his friends meeting his wife, even if the title was just pretend.

“I’m so excited,” Y/N shook her hands the same way Amoreena did, stepping into Spencer's space and wrapping her arm around him. “Can we pick her up from the room Miss Ludlough?”

“Sure thing, do you want me to call down and say Mikey’s parents are here too?”

“Yes, please,” JJ smiled over the counter.

With the four of them walking down the hall together to get their kids, Spencer felt like he was sleepwalking. Too many emotions were running through his veins to feel real, but then Y/N took his hand in hers and rested her cheek against his arm as they walked and he was fine.

She tugged on his arm and waited in the hallway while JJ and Will entered the classroom first, “what’s wrong, she’ll know you’re upset?”

He sighs, shaking the stupidity out of his mind. “I had a huge crush on JJ before they got pregnant with Henry, and when I came back from prison she told me she had always loved me and it got weird for a bit and I’m still kinda mad when I see Will bond with the people I love.”

“I was wondering when you’d get possessive,” she teased him, “I’m yours and I wouldn’t have your ring on if I wasn’t, no matter how another man looks at me, I only love you.”

“I’m sorry, I know.”

“It’s okay, you’re not used to this are you?” She saw right through it. “Am I your first real girlfriend?”

“Kinda, Maeve and I never even really met until she was kidnapped,” he admits and it sounds so childish in his mind.

“Okay we’ll talk about this later cause that sounds like a good story I should know,” she tried to smile, standing on her tiptoes to peck his lips softly before smiling more. “Let’s go get your kid?”

“Let's,” his smile returned.

They turned the corner into the vibrant room, Amoreena was talking to Will when she noticed Spencer at the door, running towards him and almost pushing Will over to do so, “Dad!”

He picked her up and snuggled right into the crook of her little neck, giving her the biggest hug he’s ever given and not realizing just how much he missed her until she was back in his arms again. His baby, the littlest life he’s ever held this close to his heart.

When he put her down he noticed all the women’s eyes were on him, hands over their hearts at the pure display of affection between father and daughter. They all saw him as her dad, they had no reason not to, giving him all the attention he’s never received before.

“What are you doing here?” Her tiny voice asked as she beamed at him with wonder.

He kneeled in front of her to get on her eye level when Michael came running over, “Hi uncle Spencer!” He tackled him into a hug.

“Uncle Spencer?” Amoreena’s brow furrowed as she scowled at the boy taking her dad’s attention, she pulled Michael back by his shirt. “That’s my dad!”

“Amoreena, honey,” Spencer tried not to laugh, she was definitely his kid, “Michels mom, JJ, is my best friend from work and I’m his older brother Henry’s godfather, they’re your cousins.”

She looked at him like he was insane, “what’s a godfather?”

“If anything bad happens to his mommy or daddy and they can’t take care of them, they’ll come live with us,” it was the simplest answer, “I’m not their father, I’m yours.”

She nodded and hugged him again, sticking her tongue out at Michael in the process, “why are you here?” She repeated the question.

Y/N was standing over him with a hand on his shoulder then, “we’re taking you to meet your other grandma.”

Amoreena started to shake with excitement, moving her hands and grinding her teeth as she smiles, shrieking with excitement, “I have another grandma!?”

JJ was watching from the corner of the room, secretly filming it on her phone for the rest of the team to see Spencer with his baby. A sight many of them never thought they’d ever see as he slowly lost hope, losing himself somewhere along the way and no longer wanting to accept their help. This was a big moment for the team too, their little brother was finally happy.

—

In the car, Spencer sat with Amoreena in the back seat so he could tell her everything about her new grandma. Or as Amoreena wanted to call her, Princess Diana, “I can’t believe you’re actually royalty!”

They all laugh at how her fantastic little brain works, “you can’t tell anyone that Princess Diana is in DC okay? It’s a government secret!” Y/N teased from the driver's seat.

“I’m like Princess Mia!” She screamed at the top of her lungs and Spencer was astounded she could be that loud.

“Okay, okay, not that loud! we can't scare any of the people who live here. They like it to be calm and quiet so the patients can be happy,” Y/N settled her down, “Dad is going to go in and tell grandma all about us for a little while and then we’ll go meet her okay? He wants to make sure she’s happy today before we go in.”

With that, they were pulling into his mother's care facility and he felt like he was going to be sick with excitement. He used to visit his mother with the fear of rage and disappointment in her eyes, he was too proud to let his anxiety take that from him today.

He kissed her forehead before getting out, Y/N handed him the scrapbook pages through the window and he leaned inside to give her a kiss too. Receiving a disgusted groan from Amoreena, he pulled away and walked into the building while they found a place to park.

She was waiting for him in the garden, sitting at a picnic table with her scrapbook and gifts for Amoreena. “Spencer!”

“Hey mom,” he smiled as he hugged her, “how are you feeling?”

“Fantastic, where is this family you made?” She was so ready to meet them, truly there inside her mind and willing to learn more about this life he was making.

“Sit down first,” he said softly, taking a seat beside her at the table and placing the scrapbook page on the table. “This is my Amoreena.”

Her fingers glided over the words, “Margery,” she repeated her middle name with a smile. “She has a sperm donor for a father?”

“I’m a sperm donor, mom,” he smiled softly as he broke the news.

She turned to him with shock, “she’s yours?”

“We think so, so that’s what we’re telling people, she’s mine regardless.”

Diana wrapped him up in another hug, “I’m so happy for you Spencer. You always deserved a perfect family, I’m sorry I couldn’t do that for you. I hope your dreams come true with her.”

Just like that Amoreena and Y/N were rounding the corner and walking over towards their table. She had a huge smile on her face and a card in her hand, walking right up to Diana and handing it to her.

“Hi, grandma, I’m Amoreena,” she introduced herself politely before stretching her arms out for a hug.

Diana wrapped her up in the softest little hug, trying not to cry in front of her brand new granddaughter, which was fine because Spencer was the one crying. Turning away from them so Amoreena wouldn’t see as Y/N patted his arm with a smile.

They were fast friends, Y/N and Diana bonding over Margery Kempe and while Amoreena opened the two gifts Diana got for her, a simple colouring book and Spencer's original copy of Matilda from when he was a child. She sat down in the grass and read it while they all caught up, lost in her own little world.

It was the most perfect afternoon, just him and his family, happier than he’s ever dreamed he could be.

—

He checked his phone one last time before bed, Y/N was sitting against the headboard reading a book and so deep in the story, he knew she wouldn’t be able to read over his shoulder.

Scrolling through everything from the day to see that yes, there was a response from Taylor Swift. It felt insane, but he opened it and started to read her plans.

Spencer!! You’re so sweet, I’m sure you make them incredibly happy! I’d love to have you stay in the guest house here, and I’m ordained if you need someone to make it real and official ♥︎ let me know what I can do, I’d love to help in any way to make some fairytale dreams come true! Taylor xx

Smiling like an idiot, he closed his phone. He’d reply tomorrow, till then he was going to snuggle into his wife and appreciate their time together.

She lifted an arm to let him lay against her chest, “today she woke up and decided to be an explorer, the little girl with the wildest imagination stormed out of her home and towards the unknown part of her land. It was her destiny to travel across the bridge and unite the people beyond the field, towards the pond that was swallowed by willow trees,” Y/N read the grandmother's thoughts from the page.

“With her wooden sword, she sliced and diced on the ivy that surrounded the gate. Freeing the hinges and allowing the entrance to swing open, unlocking a new area of the world for her mind to wander.

“For what the regular human eye saw, Amoreena saw it times a million. Every colour and then some, new colours appearing in the morning glow as she stared at the dew on the leaves she just chopped through. She saw the world in a way that made everything exciting, there was never a bad thing, only good things with interesting quirks.

“She passed every mushroom and toadstool, every strange-looking tree and human-shaped moss ball, greeting them with a good morning as she strolled through the once-forbidden forest. Her adventure only beginning, the objective not yet known.”

“Your grandma could see the future,” Spencer whispered as she turned the page, “that’s our wonderful little girl’s mind in words.”

Y/N kissed the top of his head, “our wonderful little girl.” She repeated the words, loving the way they sounded on his tongue as much as he loved how she said it.

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