#also since my mum drove me and she was shopping too (we just went our separate ways) we ended up meeting in a cool store

[confetti-critter]

I LOVE EARRING RGHHHHHHHHRFGH

[jiilys]

warm front

featuring The Line, also on ao3 here

//

“You’re a lot better at this than Ron.” Harry said into the phone.

 “Well that’s not hard,” Ginny said, not mentioning how she still occasionally picked up the receiver upside down. “Speaking of, he’s started growing a moustache since you left. It’s ghastly.”

 “Oi!” Ron’s voice, annoyed, in the background. Harry grinned.

 “Oh yeah?”

 “It looks like he’s got biscuit crumbs on his upper lip.” Harry laughed, and Millie glared at him from behind the post office counter, “Oh, lovely, he’s giving me the finger.”

 “I’ve started growing a bit of a beard actually.”

 “Come off it.”

 “Feeling left out?” Harry joked

 Ginny snorted. “Yes, desperately. Isn’t it hot?”

 “Well I think so.”

 She laughed, clear and quick, and Harry could imagine her, all limb, leaning against the kitchen cupboard curling the phone wire around her wrist. He’d bought the phone as a bit of joke before he’d left, and then as a joke she’d installed it, and then for a joke he’d rung her, and then this was how they talked now. Arthur had apparently worn a suit when the electrician came to install the power plug.

 “Isn’t it hot though? Bill says Australian summers are killers”

 Harry looked at Teddy, sat on the post office floor in nothing but shorts sucking an ice-pop. “I’ve been sunburnt in places I never have been before, but it’s mostly fine.”

 “Wow, sexy.”

 “Bet Ron loved hearing you say that to me.”

 “I’m sorry Harry, you want to do what to me? Put that where?” 

 “Gin-“

 “No, we couldn’t in my room, there’s not enough room. Lounge is better, more space. On the dining table.”

 Harry could hardly talk. “Stop,” he choked, “He’ll never speak to me again.”

 “He left when I said the bit about the lounge, said I was being ‘very immature.’”

  //

 Andromeda, desperate to get out, away, gone, bought the land in Australia six months after the war ended. She’d said it was because she’d always liked the heat, but when Harry got there he knew why. He’d never seen anywhere so unlike England, the Australian countryside was all scorched earth, red dirt, dry trees. It could have been a different planet entirely.

 He’d followed her six months later to be with Teddy, who at almost a year had hair permanently sunshine yellow, except when it rained it went as grey as concrete. Harry liked the spiders, sand, sunburn of it all. Sometimes, dumbly, he found himself missing sheets of rain, but only when it was so hot he could barely see straight.

 Mostly he liked how there was nothing to do there, nowhere he had to be. He was teaching himself how to drive, burying things for Teddy to sniff out (dog nose), going into the tiny town to talk to Ginny on the post office phone, and helping Andromeda build a shed out the back. He’d never used magic less. The days were long and the nights were longer, but it was so different here that that too felt right.

 He didn’t know when he’d go home. He kept meaning to set a date and then just didn’t, and then everyone stopped asking. It was stupid, but he felt like he’d know when he was done.

 //

 “Dad won’t let me see the phone bill,” Ginny said, picking up on the third ring and not saying hello, “It arrived this morning and he’s been locked in his office all morning with it.”

 “Oh, God, I can-“

 “Don’t you dare offer to pay for it. I don’t even think it’s that much, I think he’s just trying to recreate the logo at the top or something.”

 “I-“

 “Stop trying to pay for it- “

 “I’m not– “ Harry, who had been, was silent. Then: “Gin, please-“

 “No- “

 “But- “

 “Shut up-“ she said, unbothered, “Mum asked if you got the stuff she sent.”

  “I did, the biscuits were excellent. And the tea bags” Harry had cleaned out the tin so Teddy could use it as a hat, which he had been wearing for two days now.

 “I told her they already had tea in Australia but she didn’t believe me.”

 Harry smiled, “I didn’t mind.”

 “She said that even if they did have tea they wouldn’t have English Breakfast, or they would call it something crazy like ‘Australian Outback Breakfast’.”

 “How thoughtful of her.”

 “Stop being nice about it, it’s ridiculous.”

 “It was nice of her.”

 “Australian Outback Breakfast, Harry”

 “I hate tea and hate that it was graciously sent to me by your mum.” Harry obliged.

 “There we go. Killed any snakes yet?”

 “Oh yeah, loads. Bears too.”

 He could hear her smiling, “Bears, huh?”

 “All in your honour.”

 “Naturally. Still no success in seducing Millie?”

 Harry looked around to the post office reception desk, a stones-throw away from the phone, to where Millie– middle-aged, cardiganed, glasses– was pretending to read the paper and not hate him.

 “Haven’t you heard? Wedding’s in the Spring.”

 “Damn. Well, we had it good there for a while but true love always wins.”

 He laughed, and Millie gave him a look. He waved. She ignored him and went back to the paper.

 //

 Ron sent letters, barely legible, by owls that had to be nursed back to health in the bath.

 Harry, 

 Sorry for the writing but I’m on the muggle train because we’re going to Ireland for a few days to stay with her Hermione’s Aunt because she’s ‘dying to meet me’ (???). Anyway, Hermione also says to tell you that Ginny is thinking of cutting a fringe, because apparently that’s important. Apparently girls do that in a crisis, or whatever, she’ll write and explain it. 

 Ginny is basically living at ours now. The other day she put a Hollyhead Harpies poster up in the living room and when I tried to charm it off all the players screaming at me like Sirius’s fucking mum, so I just moved the cabinet in front of it. Bloody nightmare. 

 Honestly it isn’t even half bad having her around, she knows all these drinking games and set up your room and sometimes has a go reading over Hermione’s policy reports to the Ministry when I’ve sworn off them. Do not tell her I don’t mind her being round she’ll be annoying about it. I’m getting that Harpies poster off the wall.

 Hope Teddy is good and everyone is demanding more photos as usual. All Victorie has to do is chew the carpet around here and everyone gets a bit teary, including me. George jinxed Perce’s glasses into binonoulars the other day and for a weird second everything felt like before and Vic giggled and then George looked like he’d been hit the fucking nightbus. I don’t even know how to explain it– kids really just have no idea about any of it. 

 Hope Andromeda is good and that the driving is going better. Dad’s framing all of the phone bills he gets which Gin probably already mentioned but I can’t tell you how weird it is to go into my old room and it’s just a bunch of framed bills. Hermione says hello which I’ve already written but she said I didn’t make it clear enough. 

 We miss you mate. Home soon yeah? 

Ron 

  //

 Often, he thought of the week he’d told them he was leaving. Hermione, drunk, talking to Ginny on the patio of the burrow when she thought everyone was inside. It makes sense, really, she’d said, He’s never been anywhere he wasn’t hunted too. Ron had looked at him and then loudly dropped his firewhiskey and the girls had jumped, turned around, stopped talking, but still. He’s never been anywhere he wasn’t hunted too. Huh.

 //

 “How’s driving?”

 “Oh, fine. I killed a swan.” Harry said, demoralised. Ginny laughed for a good two minutes.

 “What?” 

 “I hit the wrong pedal and speed up instead of slowing down. I didn’t know what to do so I just moved it off to the side of the road.”

 “Ah, the Boy who Lived strikes again.”

 “Stop,” He was smiling, “What if Teddy had seen it?”

 “He’s not even two. He probably would have thought it was, like, having a lie down or something.”

 Harry was laughing now, “A lie down?”

 “Yeah, a spontaneous, truck-induced–“

 “–Permanent–“

 “–Permanent, lie-down. I’m almost jealous now actually.”

 //

 Andromeda was in her garden a lot. Getting anything to grow was near impossible, but she wouldn’t stop working at it. She kept saying that soon they’d be able to have a green beans salad, so Harry just drove to a market and stuck a few green beans in the ground to make her laugh. As a sort of joke they’d started calling the land ‘the farm’ even though nothing ever grew here.

 They took Teddy to the ocean for the first time and his eyes went blue the second he saw it. The beach where they’d buried Dobby was overcast, water as grey as dishwater, but here the it glittered like glass, blue light come alive. Teddy sat in the shallows, trying to flatten waves with his fists, laughing.

 Andromeda sat on a towel by the dunes under an enormous hat, tears running down her face, abruptly laughing when Teddy tried to eat sand or fell over a sandcastle. Harry knew how she felt. Impossible, how two years ago Teddy had two living parents and Harry had been seventeen, dead and walking, and now they were sat on the beach, people they loved dead for real, as Harry and Teddy lined up shells on the shore.  

 //

 It was three in the morning but Harry snuck in through a backdoor, cloak on, having to jimmy the lock because he forgot his wand. The streets were pitch black, only three streetlights in the whole main street, with two of them not working anyway.

 “Why’re you awake?” Ginny said lightning quick, knowing the time difference by heart, and Harry’s chest unlocked. It was stupidly comforting, Ginny’s voice, how she never said hello on the phone because she never learned, how if he really made her laugh she’d hold the receiver away from her, like he wasn’t desperate to hear it.

 “I thought I saw Sirius today,” he couldn’t stop himself, “There was a dog on the farm and it was huge and I thought– I forgot he was dead. Isn’t that stupid?”

 There was only Ginny’s breath down the phone. Picture: her in the kitchen, gripping the receiver, still. The memory looped in his brain, how Sirius’ name had risen in his throat, how odd it felt there, how long it had been since he’d said it aloud. 

 “No.” He almost didn’t hear her it’s so quiet, “I went to the shop yesterday and asked Ron if Fred was in the back. I forget too.”

 His heart slowed, the memory of the shop: solid and real, running again, made for laughing, rose up, only then he shut his eyes and saw everyone laid out in rows, glassy eyes, and somehow he was walking through the forest again, going to die, but not soon enough– 

 “Harry.” Ginny’s voice, dragging him back to earth, “You did everything you could. Sirius knew. Everyone knew. No one could have done better.” She sounded so sure, voice as clear as glass, he’d be a fool not to believe her, “It hurts because they loved us. They loved us. That’s the part to remember.”

 //

  “You are kidding-!” This time Harry didn’t say hello.

 “I’m sorry, who is this?”

 “Harpies reserve!” Harry was yelling in the post office and Millie looked appalled, “They’ll promote you in two weeks, you genius, I knew it– “

 “I’m sorry I really have no idea who this is.”

 “I can’t believe you didn’t say anything.”

 “I sent the letter!” Ginny dropped the joke, indignant.

 “We spoke two days ago! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me then–”

 “–I sent our fastest owl.”

 “Marius is currently passed out in the sink–“ 

 Ginny laughed, “I wanted you to get the letter,” she said, finally, “I wanted you to see it. Did you see Madeline McKinnon signed it?”

 She sounded like a kid. He grinned. “I did.”

 “Best beater this century sent a letter to my house, asking me to be on her team. Madness. The English team are after her you know, it’s all over the Prophet.” 

 “I hope you’re not expecting me to send the letter back because I think that really will finish Marius off.”

 “Please, you think I sent the real thing? Dad made twenty copies. He hung two on Ron and Hermione’s fridge and sent one to Aunty Muriel.”

 Harry grinned, “You’re brilliant, I’m hanging my copy on the front door, framed.”

 “The moving logo may cause problems for the muggles”

 “Who cares? I want to tell everyone about this. Chaser for the Harpies–“

 “I’m a reserve.”

 “For now.” He could hear her smile through the phone, “What did everyone say?”

 “Ron said I was a traitor and that he was also proud. Mum cried. Hermione promised to actually watch a game, George reminded me about nicking his broom all that time so technically he was also partly on the team, Bill bought a season pass, Charlie hung a giant Harpies poster in his shite apartment and sent a photo, Luna sent me awful flowers that won’t stop smoking, and Percy called to congratulate me on my admission to the ‘Hollygrove Harps.’”

 Harry laughed, “Incredible.”

 “Yeah, Perce’s was particularly heartfelt.”

 //

 Harry, 

 I’m sat at the dining table and everyone’s still here, but Mum wanted me to recap Charlie’s birthday dinner right now because she doesn’t want you to miss anything. Hermione also agreed with this mental idea. 

 Dinner Summary: 

Food was good 

Hermione tried to explain the electric collage or whatever decides American elections to Dad, it was stupid.

Hermione says it was electoral college not the eccentric cage or whatever I wrote

George got Charlie a life-size model of the Horntail that he almost opened in the house. Mum had a fit.

Dad told a story about how the Muggle Foreign Minister ended up with a bathtub cursed to drown anyone in it. 

Ginny wants me to say Percy is wearing a cardigan Millie would be proud of. I do not know what this means. Better not be a sex thing.

Hermione says hello (again she insisted I write this down like it isn’t obvious)

Mum wants me to say we all miss you still (again, obvious) 

She also wants to know if you need her to make you any shorts (do not answer this) 

Charlie wants to say cheers for the gift – apparently they only do that burn cream in Australia and it’s hard to come by 

George doesn’t have anything to say he just wanted to be involved so I’ve written this so he’ll bugger off. 

 I’m bloody sending this now, I feel like a quick quotes quill (Fleur asks how you are). Have a good one mate. 

 Home soon yeah? 

Ron. 

//

 Sometimes, when he was driving home from the post-office just after the sunset, everything sat in the new-dark, he’d remember when he used to be on watch, sat in front of the tent holding Hermione’s wand with everything going wrong, and how only then he’d let himself think about Ginny. Her voice, long laugh, longer legs, telling him to move over, pass the milk, look left, met her later, skip that flashcard, relax, put Luna in as chaser if it all goes arse up– she’s Ravenclaw but I’ll vouch for her. Dumb hours spent on the Quidditch pitch, sun going down, watching her get shot after shot past him like she even needed the practise. C’mon Potter at least try to save these, you’re making Ron look like Wood. Her hair everywhere, laughing, head back, both of them impossibly far from the ground

 I really don’t want to die, Harry would think in the dark, wand out, ready for it, I really don’t want to die and miss out on you

 //

 Harry, 

 Sorry I couldn’t call but everything’s been nuts here and I wasn’t sure when I’d get to talk to you. Malcotti’s fucked her ankle so I may actually get put in for a game?? She’s been told to take it easy for a week and we play the Magpies in four days, so?? I’ll let you know when I can call. I’m currently writing this at the post-office desk and running late for practise.

 Sidenote: this express owl cost me four galleons so I hope it does a dance on its arrival or at least arrives within the day. Tell Andromeda hello and that I’m still rooting for the green beans. Also, good luck for the driving test!! I’m sure you won’t hit anything living or dead and/or drive into a lake, but also if you do just confund the instructor. I solemnly swear not to tell Hermione.  

 Thinking of you. Kiss Teddy for me, 

Gin

 //

 The click of the receiver: “I only have five minutes, we’re about to eat.”

 Harry smiled, “How’s home?”

 “Absolutely nothing to note. Victorie threw up on Bill yesterday, so that was a joy.”

 “Supportive as usual.”

 “Hey, I am supportive.” Harry could tell the phone was jammed between her shoulder and her ear, heard a knife on a cutting board, “Supportive of Victorie’s right to throw up on Bill whenever she wants.”

 “Are you cooking?”

 “I’m cutting potatoes by hand to avoid the lounge because Fleur and Mum are talking about how to discipline children.”

 “Sounds tense.”

 “You don’t know the half of it. Ron had to pretend to be on the phone with you earlier for ten minutes just to get out of there. He says hi– fuck!” 

 Harry heard the phone fall, “Ginny?”

 A scrambling on the other end, distantly: “You’re bleeding on the potatoes!”

 “Hi,” Ginny’s voice, a little breathless, “I cut myself.”

 “You alright?” Harry asked, quick-shot.

 “Oh, yeah. Just blood. Admirably everyone is showing a lot of concern” (Percy’s voice, distant and mournfully, “well there’s no way we can eat these now”) 

 //

 He thought about going home sometimes, about the flat with Ron and Hermione he was currently paying for that he’d never lived in, what he’d do back in England. No one had ever come out to visit him here, some unspoken agreement they’d all made to give him space. Except, knowing Ron and Hermione and Mrs Weasley and he’s never been anywhere he wasn’t hunted to it probably was very much spoken, it’s just he wasn’t there for it.

 The thing is, if he went home that meant no more seeing Teddy every day, sitting around eating cereal, watching him walk into walls or turn his nails pink, giving him ice cream for lunch and strap him into the truck, driving around the farm doing spins just to make him laugh. Even after all this time Australia was so far from the familiar, every night him and Andromeda sat on the deck lazily casting cooling charms, looking at all the stars.

 On full moons Teddy got in bed with all the curtains open, blinds up, just to look at the moon. He couldn’t sleep unless he saw it. Harry wondered if he ever did anything like that, got pulled towards something of his parents without realising it. Quidditch, probably. Looking for something without knowing, not sure what you were really missing. Teddy’s huge eyes, the moon, and that familiar feeling: Stop, wait, I can’t believe I’ll never see you again. Come back, I wasn’t done yet. I don’t know how to do it without you.

 //

 It was pitch-black, four in the morning Queensland time, but it had been the only time she’d had free. Harry was leaning against the booth wall, letting the cloak slip, exhausted. Ginny cleared her throat in an odd way.

 “So, you know I hate asking about this. It makes me– I don’t want to be that person” She sounded, wrong, uncomfortable, like white knuckles gripping the receiver, “But everyone’s been asking and I want– when do you think you’ll be coming home?”

 Harry was quiet. All this time away– almost a year, eleven months, it occurred to him– and she’d never asked. She was the only one who hadn’t. “Oh, I don’t know. Soon, I guess.”

 “Yeah.” She said, unreadable. A beat went past, and Harry could feel the shift, how that was the wrong thing. He could hear her breathing. “Do you want– if you want, we could take a break-“

 “No” Harry said, so fast, “No, no I don’t want that. Do you want that?”

 “No. No. I just– I don’t want this to be difficult. I don’t want you to feel, like– obligated. If you want like room away from everything I get it. Just tell me– I don’t want– Just tell me.”

 Harry’s heart was going into his chest like an endlessly slamming door. How to explain it? You wouldn’t believe the space here, all this room, all this time I have. I didn’t think I’d get it. I want space but never from you. 

 “I’m not with you because I feel obligated. I’m– That isn’t how I feel. I don’t want space or a break or anything.”

 Silence, endless, pouring down the phone. He could be sick. Then, Ginny’s voice: “Okay.”

 “I’m coming back to England, Gin. I’m coming back, just, when I’m– when I’m done. I’m coming home. Soon.”

 “Okay. I just wanted to make sure that this– that this is still good.”

 “It is.” He was so stupid. A war ends and everything finally works out, everyone safe for real, and he goes running to the other side of the world and doesn’t say when he’s coming home. Ginny, at home, getting a phone wired up just to call him. He had no luck for seventeen years and then it all came at once, and now he doesn’t know what to do with it.

 “I love you,” he said, which he never said because it felt heavy, full of gravity, and he spent all his time trying to make her laugh.

 Deep breath. He could hear her shoulders unknotting through the phone. “I love you too.”

 //

 “Harry?”

 “Ron?”

 “Can you hear me? Is this?– how do I know if this is on?”

 “It’s on,” Harry said, hurriedly, “Is everything alright?”

 “I tried to give Pig a letter for you this morning and he bit me and flew into the window.” Harry started laughing, “So I thought I’d try give him a break.”

 Harry pulled himself together, “Yeah maybe that’s for the best. How are you?”

 “Oh, the usual. The shop is still nuts so Hermione stopped by to help out on Saturday and ate half a Bile Biscuit thinking it was shortbread– hilarious. George threatened to charge her. If Ginny’s not at a practise she’s at our place drinking all the milk, and Luna came by the other day and threw all the stuff in the fridge out because she said it was infected with ‘Mimilice’. You?”

 “The same. Teddy turned his leg into the end of a snake the other day and I had a fit. Andromeda put him in the sink so he couldn’t slither away before phasing back. It’s currently 39 degrees.” Ron laughed.

 “God, even your voice sounds hot.”

 “Woah, mate. I’m seeing someone and so are you.”

 “Ha ha.” Ron said sarcastically, “I wish I could turn this up so everyone in the empty living room could have heard that.”

 “Please don’t try to use the speaker phone, you’ll accidentally dial the embassy or something.”

 “’Speaker phone’? What could the phone have to say?”

  //

 Teddy turned two and Andromeda make him a cake by hand with a spider on it that moved. He blew out the candles and looked bemused, sat in a top Hermione had sent, still holding onto a scrap of ribbon. Harry took him outside and sat him on his Nimbus Seven Series, entirely too long, and Teddy did slow circles while Harry held the end, watching him laugh, tiny hands grasping the handle. Suddenly, like being thrown through a window, Remus was in front of him, standing in the Hogwarts Hallway, breathless and happy, saying his sons name.

 //

 The post office has been closing for a good fifteen minutes, but Harry brought the cloak, pretended to leave, then snuck back and picked up the phone again.

 “I think I just saw Millie’s husband.”

 “You’re kidding.”

 “A guy came to pick her up, he had a hat on, she got in the front seat–“

 “What kind of hat?”

 “I don’t know, normal. Like a normal old-person hat.”

 “You didn’t say he was old.”

 Harry grinned, “You really thought Millie seemed the type to be with a 25-year-old?”

 “Hey, you’re going out with me after all–“

 Harry spluttered, “I’m a year older!”

 “Year and a half–“ 

 “You’re unbelievable. That is not the same.”

 “Just because you like younger women–“

 “I don’t like younger women, I like you, or I did until a few minutes ago. I’m now reconsidering.”  

 “You like me.” Ginny said, not really serious but also deadly so.

 Harry smiled, said dryly, “What gave me away?”

 //

 Harry had started dreaming of home, the staring in the street, dishes washing themselves in the Burrow, Hogwarts lake dark and silky as eels. He couldn’t tell what had brought this on, only that he was now driving into town every day to talk to Ginny, and now Ron, Hermione, even Neville were coming to the phone.

 “They miss you” Andromeda said, unprompted, drinking muggle wine on the deck one night after dinner, “Molly wrote last week asking if you mentioned when you’d be coming back.”

 “Oh,” Harry said, because he couldn’t think of anything else. “Do you think you’ll come back?”

 The question hung between them. Terrible thought: Teddy never back in England, Teddy growing up where Harry couldn’t see him.

 “I will.” She looked back at him, unbearably, and it was everything that went unsaid. 

 “How?” Harry asked, unthinking.

 Andromeda looked back out the window, the pressing dark, the unbearable heat. Even after all this time, making dinner, sitting on the dark deck, weeding the garden, she was still unreadable. Grief undid you in layers.

 “Because Nymphadora would want me to.” She said, simply. “Because I want her to think I’m brave.”

 //

 The post office shuts for a week because Millie goes out of town, and the place is small enough that that means it’s not open till she gets back. Harry makes it four days before apparating hundreds of miles away, almost splinching himself in the heat, dizzy from lack of practise, and stumbling to a payphone at the side of a highway. 

 Click. “Didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”

 “Yeah, I went out of town to call.”

 “Out of town huh? Miss me that much?” Ginny’s voice, joking.

 Unbelievably, Harry thought. “Yeah well, Teddy isn’t much of a conversationalist.”

 “Don’t let him hear you say that, you’ll knock his confidence.”

 “He’ll get past it. How are you?”

 “Fine. Well– actually, you won’t believe what happened at practise on Thursday, I hope you’re sitting down–“

 “I’m not–” Harry grinned

 “Squat then,” Ginny said blithely, “because Jacqueline has actually gone full bonkers–“

 //

 “My parents say its incredible “ Hermione’s voice, the only person in his life who spoke in a normal tone on the phone

.

“Yeah, we’ve been actually.” Harry didn’t have the heart to tell her that Teddy had found the Great Ocean Road blindingly boring and had only made it an hour in before him and Andromeda had decided it wasn’t worth the screaming anymore.

 “Yeah, Mum and Dad were thinking of coming down, doing it again.”

 Harry played along, “Yeah?”

 “Yeah.” She was endearingly fake-casual, “Maybe Ron and I would come too.”

 “Ron wants to drive 150 miles along a stretch of boring road with your parents?”

 “You didn’t say it was boring.”

 “Slip of the tongue,” Harry smiled, “What about the Ministry? And the shop?”

 “We’re thinking about doing travelling.”

 “The year we spent in a tent in various country-sides not enough?”

 “Funnily enough seeing the sights wasn’t top of mind then.”

 Harry smiled darkly, “If we’re going travelling let’s do Italy, or America, or something. Soon. Somewhere none of us have ever been.”

 Hermione left it a beat too long for it to be a normal silence, “I heard Italy is beautiful, the history there is incredible…”

 Harry could almost hear talking to Ron later: “and then he said if we’re going travelling, ‘we’re’, Ron! And ‘soon’! he thinks he’ll be travelling with us ‘soon’!. And Ron, “so you didn’t ask when he’s coming back then?, and then Hermione: “didn’t you hear? soon! He said soon!”   

 //

  He was walking back to the car from the post office one day, Teddy plodding beside him infatuated with a passing goose, with Ginny’s voice still swimming around him, the sound of Ron telling her to shut up, pass the receiver, I’ve got to tell him the Cannons score, and he walked into the travel agents and booked one-way ticket to England for next week. Just like that.  

 Stupid, really, how he heard their voices all the time (walking in the street, making a sandwich, fixing the plumbing) but had never made the connection. He was in the street like always, hearing the call all again, and thought I wish they were here for real, and then walked into the air-conditioning and pulled out his chequebook. It really was that easy. The goose was still outside when he left holding his ticket, Teddy squirming to get closer to it with a full-on beak that Harry was trying to hide with one hand.

 Home soon Harry thought the whole drive home, the thought expanding in his chest, the window open, his hair blowing everywhere– longer than it had ever been. Even when he got back to the farm, told Andromeda (who promised to follow in a year), made dinner, went to bed, he imagined he would feel different. Something huge and unfelt before, but really everything was the the same as ever. He just missed them, is all. He was learning that sometimes love really was that simple, that it was reason enough.

 //

 “I read that people sometimes make signs at airports.”

 Harry smiled, phone cord wrapped around his palm. “Saying what?”

 “Guess you’ll find out tomorrow.”

 “Oh, God.”

 “Don’t worry, no magic involved. We don’t want to alarm the muggles. Luna asked if she could bring her lion hat but Hermione got intervened.”

 “Luna’s coming?”

 “Yes, duh. Everyone is. It’s been a year a half.”

 Harry, who had had visions of kissing Ginny ridiculously for an hour in front of the plane, adjusted his expectations.

 Ginny, as usual, reading his mind: “Don’t worry. I’ve briefed Ron that I’ll still be kissing you senseless so he had better start getting over it.”

 Harry grinned, “Bet he loved that.”

 “He called me a cocksucker, and then I pointed out that actually I hadn’t been in a year and a half–“

 “Gin!” 

 “–and he said my name exactly like that, yeah.”

 Harry couldn’t stop laughing, bright red in the post office for the last time as Millie shushed him, “You are unbelievable.”

 “Well, believe me.” she said, dryly, “I’ll be seeing you in 29 hours.”

 Harry, also counting, ducked his head, grinning. It turned out all his best luck was waiting at this part of his life, who knew. Thank God, Thank God, Thank God. 

 “I’m going to be totally unusable, you know. The flight’s twenty-one hours.”

 “Yeah, you’re an idiot. I know you’re on a whole no-magic kick but this really is the limit. What are you going to eat?”

 “Hermione says they serve eggs and stuff.”

 “Wow, really? How?”

 Harry considered. “I actually have no idea. Maybe please bring some chips or something to the airport.”

 Ginny laughed, the best sound in the world, “Only if you bring me some eggs.”

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

First Christmas

Just fluff. This was inspired by one of Raul's SVU master interview he did and he was wearing a bracelet. 

Warning: slight language.

Enjoy x

"Do you have to go out dressed like that when I'm not there? I'm tempted not to let you go and keep you all to myself”

Rafael had his arms wrapped around your waist while you were trying to finish getting ready to go out. It was your first squad Christmas party, the first work thing without Nick and your first Christmas with Rafael.

Your lease was ending in your apartment after the New Year, so you started to move your stuff in slowly and mix your things in with his.

You guys had a small Christmas tree up and a beautiful big wreath on the door. Your Mum was coming to the city for Christmas and Boxing Day, staying at your apartment during her time here. This was the first time Lucia and her would be meeting. You and Sonny were having Christmas off, but you were both working over the New Year’s.

"I'll only be a few hours Rafi, then I'll be home and all yours" you spun around in his arms and kissed his nose.

"Well don't drink too much, and if you need me to come and get you just call"

He started to run his hand up your thigh along your stockings up under your dress, while he was kissing your neck.

"Rafi-I have-to-finish-oh Raf." You moaned as he kissed your neck and cupped your core through your stockings and panties.

You had black stockings on with a red long sleeved dress that came to your mid thighs, with a scoop neck and an elastic waist, black ballet flats, your hair was down curled with a piece of holly pinned in it. He kissed his way up your neck to your ear,

"Sure I can't make you change your mind and stay? You’re like a present that needs to be unwrapped" he whispered in your ear and you bit your bottom lip. Before you had a chance to answer, your phone rang, it was Amanda,

"Hey Amanda"

"Hey Y/N, I'm down stairs"

"Ok be right there" you smiled at Rafael, he rolled his eyes taking his hands away from you while you hung up.

"She sure knows how to cock block me doesn't she" you laughed cupping his cheek.

"Don't be like that Rafi, we will continue this when I get home" you winked at him.

Liv had booked a table at one of the best Italian restaurant in the area and then you guys were going to go out drinking and dancing. No one had to work the next day, but you were all on call just in case. To add a little bit of fun because it was Christmas, you all decided to dress in red or green. You all looked so festive.

You and Amanda got to the restaurant first and waited for everyone to come. Once you guys were shown to your seats, you all seen the table was set for 6. You were sitting next to Sonny, Amanda was across from you between Liv and Fin, with a spare seat next to you placed.

“Are we expecting someone else?" Amanda asked.

"Yes, me" you knew that voice anywhere

"Rafi" you smiled as you looked up.

He was dressed in a black suit with a white button down, with a red scarf and his brown over coat. You got up from your seat and pretty much jumped into his arms. He wrapped his arms around your waist and yours around his neck and you kissed him hello.

"Hey Hermosa" and he kissed you again.

Rafael said hello to everyone and took his seat on the other side of you.

"Glad you made it Barba, Your just as much part of the team as the rest of us" Liv smiled and Rafael looked at you with a wink and a smirk.

You guys all ordered entries and dinner. And your drinks arrived.

"I want to do a toast" Liv started "I think of all my years at SVU this one has to have been one of my favourite. We had two new squad members join us and it was like they had always been here. We had some tough stuff happen, we lost someone we all loved very much. But we also had a lot of good stuff happen. I wouldn't want to be walking through tough stuff or the good stuff without you all by my side. Cheers" you all clinked your glasses.

Dinner was amazing and you all decided to go to a night club one block down. Excitement filled you when you saw what club it was. It was a retro club that mostly played 80's music. You had been wanting to check it out with Rafael but something always came up the nights you wanted to go. Little did you know, he actually suggested to Liv that you guys should all go there tonight after dinner because it was so close.

It was cold outside, so you guys walked quickly to get to where you needed to go to get back inside. Rafael had his arm wrapped around your shoulders as you guys were walking behind the others.

"Rafi?"

"Yes Hermosa?"

"How long ago did Liv invite you to tonight?" He laughed

"About 2 weeks ago. I wanted to leave it as a surprise" you giggled

"What if I had turned around earlier and said I would have stayed home with you?"

He lent close to your ear

"I would have made it worth your while. But now you will have to wait till we get home" he gave you a cheeky smile.

****

The lead up to Christmas went fairly quick and was there before you knew it. Nothing major had come in by Christmas Eve so Liv gave you all the nod to leave early, which worked in your favour. Sonny offered to go with you to the grocery store to pick up some last minute stuff for Christmas day.

Your Mum would be in New York late that night, but would be at yours and Rafael’s in the morning. You and Rafael had promised to go to Lucia’s for Christmas Eve dinner, then midnight mass, then she would be at your guys place for Christmas lunch. You had all decided no presents this year, you all just wanted to spend time together. But you did organise a couple of small things for Rafael that he didn't know about.

"So Y/N, your Mum's are meeting uh? Are ya nervous?"

"Not really Sonny, I think they will get along. It's just a big step you know. Moving in together and then mothers meeting during Christmas"

Sonny patted you in the back, "It will be fine."

Sonny drove you back and helped you take the shopping up and you turned on the jug to make him a coffee. Sonny was no Nick, but you had a cute little brother sister bond thing going on. You made the coffee and you both moved to the dining table.

"Ya know- I'm no Nick. They are big shoes to fill you guys were tight. He was your best friend. But I'm glad I was partnered with you. Not that there is anything wrong with Fin or Rollins. But we make a good team" you giggled.

"Sonny I'm glad you’re my partner, you’re a great person and you are one of my best friends, I trust you with my life." you smiled at him. A big smile came to his face.

"Same Y/N"

****

2am you and Rafael finally made it home. Dinner as amazing at Lucia's and midnight mass was beautiful. You both made your way to bed, knowing you had to be up early to start cooking for lunch.

Your Mum came early and helped you guys. You went into the bathroom to shower and get dressed. As you walked out, you could hear your mum and Rafael talking in the kitchen,

"Well you have my blessing Rafael, when the time is right you do did. I think what you have planned she is going to love it. I couldn't have picked anyone better than you if I tried"

Butterflies filled your tummy and a smiled pulled to your face, but you were pulled out of the feeling when there was a knock on the door.

Christmas lunch couldn't have gone any better. The mum's got along amazing, and Lucia had invited you all over the next day for Boxing Day for a Cuban meal. Lucia offered to drive your mum home and they left around 10. Everything had been cleaned and Rafael poured two glasses of wine.

"Hermosa, the wine is ready"

"Coming" you walked out of the bed room with two gifts and you sat next to Rafael, he looked at the presents in your lap.

"Hermosa, what did we say about presents this year?"

"I know, but they are just something small and it's our first Christmas together"

You handed them over to him.

"Open the rectangle one first" you smiled at him.

He ripped the paper off and a huge smile pulled to his face. It was a framed photo of you and him from your first date. It was a selfie you had taken. His arms were around your waist, you had one arm around his neck. You were cheek to cheek smiling hard. He looked up at so happy.

"You don't have many photos here, so I thought since I'm moving in we needed a photo of us around"

"I love it Hermosa, thank you"

"Don't thank me yet, you have another one to open"

He put the photo on the coffee table and started to unwrap the smaller square box. His eyes filled with tears when he seen the gold ID bracelet sitting inside. He pulled it off the pillow, looking at it closely. On the top of the bar it had 'Rafael' engraved on it, he turned it over and on the back 'I love you always'

He lent over and kissed you light on the lips.

"Here, I'll put it on for you" he looked at it shinning on his arm once you clipped it up.

"Well I'm glad I got you something as well" you both laughed.

He pulled out a small green velvet box from his pocket. Your tummy filled with butterflies. He turned his body towards you.

"Mi Hermosa, I have never been as happy as I have been the last few months. You’re the love of my life and I want to grow old with you. In this box is something very special. It was Abuela’s and I want you to have it as my commitment to you" he paused "This is a commitment ring. I'm committing to you that one day I'm going to marry you and have a family"

Your eyes were filled with tears as he opened the box, it was a sliver band with a blue square cut diamond with two small white square stones on either side. He pulled the ring out of the box and handed it to you.

"I want you to read what's engraved on the inside"

You moved the ring to the light 'Only You' was on the inside of the band. Tears fell down your cheeks, he took the ring off you, grabbed your right hand and slid the ring onto your ring finger.

"I'll never take it off Rafi"

[vanchlo]

The Partner / Chapter Three, “Rebecca Ann”

*Not my gifs and ugh it was SO hard to find good ones, sigh* 

Word Count: 11.6k words /  Story Masterlist /  Read The Assistant /  Read on Wattpad /  Song will be at the end, so as not to give anything away ;) 

“She is led by love, the world moves for love . . it kneels before it in awe."

- Edward Walker, The Village 

“So, what happened in the story next?”

“Are you sure you can stay awake for another chapter, love?” I wheeze, fingers combing through the satiny loose curls that I push away from her eyes. The very pair that I’ve seen so many times in the mirror. “You’re getting tired, Bean. It’s been a long day for you with school and swim team practice.” 

“I know, but I can stay awake. It’s getting good.” 

“Pinky P?” I almost giggle, holding out my littlest finger that she hooks hers with. Without fail, I could still picture how tiny her fingers were the first time I saw them, and my how they’ve grown. I think it’d be safe to say somebody is going to have big hands, too. 

“Yeah, it is, but . . . ,” my words escape me momentarily. Distracted, I stop, hearing the sound of a cry from upstairs, wishing that he would walk into the room. That he would help me with this part, and the ones that follow.

“But, what?” 

I’d been called it every day for the last almost ten years, but it still was hard to get used to at times, especially now with the story I tell. I had a hard time sometimes believing how lucky I’d gotten, and she only reminds me as I watch her eyes lull at the feeling of my hand in her hair. Just like somebody I know. 

“But it gets sad, love, because you know, sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.” 

“Stop it, you sound like you’re making up rubbish rules, just like Daddy,” the beloved word falls from her rosebud lips, and we can’t contain our laughter. The imperfect perfections in her cheeks and the sing-song laughter that peels from her lips makes this all the more surreal for me, like I’m looking right at him. “Now, keep going, Mum. I want to hear more of your story.” 

/

It was never really an awkward silence with Harry, save for the few times after we had a row. No, it hadn’t been anything but comfortable since well, before we had started dating. Maybe even not long after I’d become his assistant, if you’re not counting that painful in between time. Today wasn’t one of those times, but sometimes I may have made it awkward when I couldn’t stop staring at him, just like the way I currently watch as his eyelashes flutter against his skin. 

“Skye and Asher?!” the voice says from the phone pressed to my ear. 

“Yep. I still can’t believe it.” 

“Well, I’ll be darned . . huh,” my dad concludes with a soft laugh. “I hope he knows how much trouble he’s in for.” 

“Me too. Skye was pissed with me at first for not introducing them sooner. As if I should’ve known she’d fall in love the second she saw him.” 

“That sounds like her,” he muses with nostalgia carried in his voice. A recent memory sits in my mind from the other day when Skye told me the very story that I’m retelling. The apparent love at first sight with Asher and their first date, a rushed love story at best compared to Harry and I’s. He griped about it, Harry, feeling bad for Asher not knowing what was going to hit him. He had his hands full, alright, both boys. “So, how are things with you and Harry then, Boops?”

“Good, really good,” the answer comes easily to me, yet in a hushed voice as I try not to speak too loudly. My next words pause when a furrow gathers between his two brows, easily remedied by the pad of my thumb. 

“Your trip went well?”

“Yeah, it was loads of fun seeing his family. I met a few more of them, and they’re all so alike. The cheesy sense of humor, love of board games, and they’re kind as can be,” memories bubble up with my words of our trip to Harry’s hometown close to a week ago. 

“Well, it was good to talk to you and catch up, love, but I have to get going to work. You too probably soon, huh?”

“Yeah, and you too, Dad. I miss you . . you’re sure you can’t come up soon for a day or something?” I ask, almost holding my breath, despite knowing it won’t help his answer to sound like the one I want. 

“Not sure, Ree, I’ll have to see how it’s going with the next build, we’re getting busy.” 

“Okay, I hope you can come up somehow . . Well, I’ll talk to you on Monday, Dad,” listening to his subsequent goodbye, I set down my phone, sighing. Shielding a hand over my forehead, I move my legs under the covers, feeling his warm pair. 

It wasn’t often that I’d be awake before Harry, because somehow he was always up early, even on the weekends. Not today, though. I for once had been up before him. It was nice, getting to enjoy him like this, especially considering the way he drove me up the wall yesterday. Silent, asleep Harry was far preferable to me right now. He also couldn’t protest the lazy attempts I made at styling his hair differently when he was asleep, considering he slept like a log. 

The colors had begun to change outside, and the shops were building their candy supplies in preparation for the scary holiday. Despite Fall settling around us, a golden tinge still clung to Harry’s skin. Underneath his golden necklace, at the point of his nose, and around his many tattoos. It still surprised me, the four numbers in my handwriting permanent above his heart. It had been filled with so many firsts, and hopefully a few lasts. 

Glancing at the clock, I found that our alarm still wouldn’t be going off for a good while. Albeit he couldn’t be more handsome when asleep and knowing what I’m about to do, I fight my way into his arms. His groan is instant and so is the smile I try to hide from my lips. 

“Mmm, Becks, ‘m sleepin,’” Harry whines against me, his body like jelly. His arms still find their way around me and so does his chin hooking over top of my head. 

“I just wanna cuddle you before work.” 

“Fine,” it’s a sighed answer in return, but I hear the defeat in his voice. The way sleep beckons for him, his soft snoring soon resuming. His chest is balmy under my cheek where I lay it, listening for the sound of his heart. Next to his laugh, it was my favorite sound. 

It seemed to be a recurring theme throughout today, stealing glances at Harry when he wasn’t noticing, like now as he flips through his menu.

“Are ya gonna ogle me, Becks, or are you gonna figure out what t’ order, love?” 

“I already decided.”

“Good, ‘cos so have I,” he announces, laying his menu down. It’s only seconds later that the server sees, and we’re ordering our breakfast. “Seems you and my gran have really hit it off.”

“Oh, you think so?”

“No, I know so. Saw it even. I haven’t seen her take t’ somebody like that befo,’ certainly not any other girlfriend of mine.”

“I really like her - Claire. She’s sweet and even though we’ve only met a few times, she’s so easy to talk to.”

“I know, I love that ‘bout her. You’d think she was my mum’s mum with how sweet tha two o’ them are. She’s been supportive ever since tha stuff started with my dad, always let me talk t’ her ‘bout it without judgement. It meant loads t’ me,” he divulges to me. I can’t help but nod along, and fold my hand into his in the middle of the table. 

“I bet so. That sounds like my gran Ann, she was my dad’s mum, but she was always there for me.” 

“I see where you get it from, love,” he smiles with a wink of his sunshine eye, lips curling from the rim of his mug of coffee. It still baffles me how he can drink it black, let alone ripping hot. 

God, the things those eyes do to me, those lips too. Okay, Becky, chill. Now is not the time. But, then there’s the outfit he’s wearing today and how it’s so him, and effortlessly handsome. It looks like something my granddad would wear - tan slacks, and a cream long sleeved shirt with chocolate brown stripes. Curls in a mess atop his head and parted in the middle, but somehow, it works. It had become my favorite hairstyle of his recently, but that would quickly change with whatever new one he came up with next. For once, it wasn’t Chelsea boots today or the occasional Vans, but instead saddle brown laced up Oxfords. See, how were the casual outfits so handsome? Harry’s outfits always work, and I wish I knew how. 

“Whatcha starin’ at, hmm? I keep findin’ you lookin’ at me this mornin,’ startin’ t’ wonder why.” 

“What, can I not admire my handsome boyfriend every now and then?” my question comes with a lift of my brow. Now, it’s my turn to look all inquisitive over my cup of coffee. 

“Now, I never said ya couldn’t do that, love,” Harry teases with a shit eating grin plastered to his face. 

It stuck to his lips as he began to read the paper over his coffee until our breakfast arrived. Even then, it remained. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” I titter, cutting my fork through the two layers of pancakes.

“Stop drenchin’ yer pancakes with syrup, yer not gonna taste ‘em. They’ll be all soggy,” he warns, feeding a strip of bacon past his bubblegum pink lips. 

“Stop telling me what to do with my pancakes.” 

“Watch it, li’l one, or else ‘m not gonna share me food with you,” Harry says, pointing his fork at me. It gleams with strips of maple syrup beading at the tines’ ends. My lips ready their rebuttal, but his eyebrows only inch higher as he cocks his head towards me, silently willing me to continue. “I know ya will, ‘s a given. You always ask t’ taste somethin’ off me plate, don’t even try t’ deny it, lovey.” 

It’s difficult to say the least, hiding my smirk and its accompanying giggle. Shaking my head, I sigh as I stab my fork at my pancakes, feeling his foot knock into mine underneath the table. It looked nothing close to Rafael’s here, but somehow, it brought me back to that night in the Italian restaurant. Our first one. The way his foot nudged at mine under the table, and the way his eyes gleamed with a smile. Sometimes, if I thought hard enough, I could feel the fluttering inside of me from the butterflies he still gave me. 

“What? Yer a li’l too quiet fer tha talkin’ t’ I jus’ gave you, bug. No witty comebacks? That’s a surprise and a relief all in one,” Harry jokes, dimples set into his cheeks. He had shaved them just a few days ago, but it looked like it had been longer. 

My lips are absent of any words. Instead, I busy them with the pillowy pancakes drenched in maple syrup. Looking down at my plate, I cut into the potatoes crisp on the exterior with cheese and flecks of pepper. Setting down my fork, I slowly pat on the bottom of the ketchup bottle. 

“Becks? Y’know I was only jokin,’ love.”

“I know, and we both know you’re going to share your lemon poppyseed muffin with me,” it’s my turn for the shit eating grin now. Lifting my gaze, I meet his. 

“I told you!” he begins with a shake of his head, pressing his fist to his overactive mouth. “Told ya t’ order yer own, love.” 

“Yeah, but you’ll share with me because you love me.” 

“I dunno if ‘d go as far t’ say that,” he shrugs. My scoff makes the smile tickle further at his cheeks, and it all but disappears when I pinch his thigh from under the table. “Woman, I swear t’ bloody God-.” 

“Swear what?” I pipe up, setting my chin in my hand as he chuckles away across from me. He suffices a response with a shake of his head, feeding a ripe strawberry past his lips. It doesn’t help that he locks eyes with me the second he does it, and lips slow as can be, at that. “You’re bad.” 

Harry offers a measly shrug in response, and what speaks volumes is the way he tugs the striped bag closer to him, holding our beloved muffin. Ignoring it, I dip a bite of potatoes into my puddle of ketchup, enjoying the hum of the cafe around us. Harry and I had been coming here for a while now- well, before we had started dating. He liked their food and turned me onto them, starting with getting him breakfast and his special muffin when I was his assistant. I don’t think he took me out to breakfast here until I had come back to work at his firm, but it was a nice treat every once in a while, even if it meant having to wake up earlier. 

“I talked to my dad this morning, and told him about Skye and Asher. He was surprised, to say the least. I wish he’d come up and visit one of these days, he’s always so busy.” 

“‘m sure he will when he’s not so busy, love, like when his new build ‘s over,” Harry muses, loudly flipping the page of his paper. Watching as he flattens it out, the bite of potatoes on its way to my mouth pauses. 

“How’d you know about his new build?”

“‘Cos I talk t’ him too. He rang me tha other day, and we spoke ‘bout um . . I dunno, footie and cooking,” he answers, nonchalantly. Nodding, I shake a little more salt onto my potatoes, trying to will Harry to meet my eyes. 

“Maybe he’ll come up if you ask, or if it’s to hang out with you.” 

“Oh, hush, you. He’ll come when he has tha time, love, y’know that. Stop bein’ a pout,” he says, folding his paper back up into a messy square. My head shakes when he holds it out to me, instead setting it to the side before he picks up his coffee. 

A wheezy laugh drops from his lips as he shakes his head at me, “Fine, here, Ms. Pouty. I must love you a whole lot t’ share me muffin,” Harry sighs, reaching into the bag and soon splitting it in half, handing me a chunk.

“Thank you . . love you,” it comes with a wink that he dismisses with a roll of his eyes.

“I know,” he huffs, breaking off a morsel of the dense bread. His eyes twinkle with mischief when I nudge my foot against his leg underneath the table. “Ditto, bug, always love you back too.”

/

I tried to find the words but they wouldn’t come. They couldn’t. Huffing, a hand dives into my hair as I stare back at the screen. It’s a welcomed respite when my wrist sings with a notification. Pushing back my sleeve, it reads Team Meeting at 2pm. I tap my palm against the screen to silence it before standing from my desk.

“Don’t look so sad to see me,” a voice teases. Lifting my eyes, I find Simon gliding down the hall towards me. The lawyer life suited him well, and so did his new job at the firm. He certainly had a flare for the suits, sporting a maroon number today. He seemed to be liking it and Harry never had a bad thing to say about him.

“Hi, Si.”

“Something the matter, Big B?” he pries, bumping his shoulder against mine as we turn into the east conference room where a few bodies congregate.

“No, just stuck on writing this deposition, so this will be a good break.”

“You mean a boring break,” Simon jokes, passing me an empty mug. 

“Hey, I can’t be caught saying that around here,” I say, sarcasm laced in my hushed voice.

“Oh, yeah. We can’t have the boss’ girlfriend be heard saying his speeches were boring,” his animated lilt tickles a happiness at my lips. A laugh passes between us as steam from the hot coffee wafts across my face. 

“What’s this I hear ‘bout boring? Ya aren’t talkin’ ‘bout yer bosses, now are you?” somebody pipes up. Looking over my shoulder, I’m awarded with the sight of Harry grinning far too proudly at his own joke. He embellishes it with a quick wink to me and a hand pressed into the small of my back.

“Oh, me calling you boring? Never in a million years,” Si cracks. I savor the sound of their loud laughs whilst pouring creamer and sugar into mine. Setting it down on the table we stand at, I pick up another mug, filling this one to the top with the scalding coffee.

“Thank you, my love,” my boyfriend smiles when I hand him the hot coffee. “Better go find a seat, tha two o’ you are late, per usual,” he quips, waving a circle into my back before leaving.

“Yeah right, like we’re late,” Si scoffs, turning to walk away. The rest of the gang had joined us by now, and I find an empty seat next to Rose towards the back. 

I had come up with my own little rule at these things. It started with never sitting up front by Harry where he and Myles spoke. Certainly, I never sat in the back straight across from him where his eyes would gravitate. They both were bad ideas, and I’d quickly found them out from a past mistake or two. 

Today, Myles started us off. There was something about a required employee training. Of course, there was the annual Halloween party coming up later this month, a charity function in the works, and working a table at an upcoming uni job fair. Harry and I may or may not be going as a certain Spice Girls couple, wink wink. 

Slowly, like always, it grew to be boring. That’s when the texts started, despite the number of times Harry groaned about me distracting him on previous occasions. I quickly found it near impossible to not give him the dirtiest of looks across the room. It didn’t help that we were on near opposite sides, and he was facing Myles, pretending to pay attention. Per usual.

what should we do 2night for dinner? was thinkin i could do u 2 start with 

He did a terrible job of wicking the smirk from his lips when I looked at him next. Kneading at his bottom lip hardly hid it, and drinking my coffee didn’t save me either.

You’re bad, is all I text back, making it look as if I’m taking notes on my laptop. I just hope nobody else can see, but I try to make sure of that.

oh i could be loads of things if u let me love. like in between ur legs 2night or if ur good enough some time b4 we go home 

He didn’t even need to add a winky face or a saucy emoji. This man and his way with words, I swear it’ll be the death of me. He will, one way or the other. Hiding my laugh with a cough, I bring my mug back to my lips, nearly choking when Harry’s gaze slinks over to mine. 

“You okay?” Si whispers.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I answer, holding eye contact with Harry. Nobody else might notice it, but I see it. The way one of his dimples plays hide and seek with me on his cheek, accompanying his sly lips. A pair that I’m itching to have on me, here and now. Well, in fifteen minutes or so. 

alright becks? choking already thinkin bout me big dick bein in ur mouth?

Stop, we’re in a meeting, Harry. Your meeting 

doesn’t stop me love so don’t let it stop u now 

God, you’re unbelievable, Harry

so are those lips of urs bug. cant wait 2 have those pretty things round me cock 2day. up 2 u if ya want me sooner or later 

Trying to mask my long sigh, I press the cover of my laptop shut. It’s even harder to resist sneaking a look at Harry. He is so full of shit, faking a glance around the room just to make brief eye contact with me. Of course, while he licks his lips. My eyebrows lift only in the slightest and he manages a shrug at me whilst leaning back in his chair, hands behind his head like the cocky boss he is. 

Rose’s spiel that was actually holding my attention is interrupted when my wrist vibrates ten minutes later. I’m already beginning to roll my eyes when I lift it, wondering what Harry has said now. But, it’s not him. It’s who I least expected out of anyone. 

Hi, bunny. I’m in London for a few days . . . I want to see you. Could we get coffee or lunch? xo 

The rest of Rose’s speech goes absolutely over my head. If you asked me what it was about, I couldn’t tell you, despite the fact that I heard it. But no, I didn’t. Not really. Nor did I hear Simon’s subsequent jokes or when Rose called on me to share progress on our case. I couldn’t remember what, just the way everybody looked at me, like the kid in class caught not paying attention. It didn’t help seeing the worry etched onto Harry’s face, then and now, as I sit in the car next to him. 

Another one had come by now, and still, I had no idea what to say or do.

“Did ya hear what I said, ‘bout dinner?” 

Lifting my gaze, I see Harry’s patient one waiting for me. 

“No, sorry. What’d you say?”

Waiting for the light to turn, his hand had folded mine into his firmly. Delicate circles were left on my skin by his thumb. “You alright t’day, Becks?”  

“Fine. Did you want to get takeaway for dinner, or just warm up leftovers?” 

“F’get ‘bout dinner fer a second, Becks, and please tell me what’s been botherin’ you t’day. We agreed on no mo’ lies, bug, and I know yer not fine. I can tell,” his objection comes in a gentle murmur, accentuated by his thumb pressing against mine. 

“I’m sorry,” it’s sighed, almost lost in the Arctic Monkeys song filling the car, until Harry turns it off. “My mum texted me today, during our team meeting.” 

The ‘oh’ that comes from him is teeming with realization and a certain weight to it. All I can think of to do in response is to nod. I busy myself with sliding his new opal ring off his left forefinger. 

“‘s okay, bug, I understand . . ‘m sorry, too. So, what’d her text say?”

The white glow from the touchscreen display in Harry’s Rover illuminates the reflective specks in the stone. They cover the rainbow, spanning from purple, white, pink, and a mint green. Harry had joked when he’d gotten it that I was probably going to steal it from him more often than not, knowing how I loved opals. He was right, and that was a few months ago. I had worn it until now on my thumb when he belatedly stole it back from me. It fit him better, anyways. 

“That she’s in London, and she wants to get together,” my voice is childlike, shy and lacking volume. Harry begins to speak, until I stop him, with my voice and my subsequent words. “Then, when I didn’t respond that I’m invited to lunch with her and Robbie tomorrow afternoon at some restaurant Robbie likes.” 

“Oh,” he hums, lips stilling when he looks over his shoulder before making a turn. “Did you text her back yet?”

“No. I don’t want to go, or talk to her. I dunno why she does this, just pop up out of the blue as if she hasn’t spoken to me in almost two years . . since my accident.” 

“You don’t hafta go, Becks. There’s nothin’ makin’ you go. Yer an adult and you make yer own decisions, bug. You don’t owe her anythin.’” 

“I know, but that doesn’t stop her from the guilt trips. I don’t even remember unblocking her number . . she must have gotten a new one. But, I’m afraid, Harry,” I confess, threading the ring back onto his finger riddled with fine dark hairs. He allows me, having gotten used to it by now, and the way that I trace the veins poking out of his skin. 

“Of what, babe? ‘s not like she can- well, I guess she could.” 

I try to swallow past the nerves, and the unsaid words, but it’s difficult, to say the last. “Yeah, she could. It’s not very hard to Google your name and find the address of your firm. She must know by now that I work for you again.”

“Bug, even if she came t’ tha firm, she has t’ get past Amelia first, and that’s not gonna happen. She’d ring you and say who’s in tha lobby waitin’ fer you, you could easily turn her away, if anythin’.” 

“You’re right.” 

“‘m always right,” he coos, lifting a brow at me goofily when his piercing eyes meet mine. The curl to his lips doesn’t linger, and they soon flatten out with understanding and severity. “It’ll be okay, Becks. Do what feels right. Text her back and say no, or don’t talk t’ her at all. She doesn’t deserve yer time o’ day afta what she’s put you thru.’ Dunno how people like that can’t understand ya don’t jus’ get t’ pop in and out o’ yer kid’s life,” it’s a muttering as his head shakes back and forth. The whirring sound of the garage door opening before us fills the empty space of the car. 

Harry knew. He knew all about it with the disappearing parent act, the parent who was preferable when they were absent. Yet, his Dad had popped back into his life, but this time he hadn’t left. Sometimes, I was a tad bit jealous, if I were honest. Not with him, though, but Skye sniffed it out on me once. I had wished a thousand times over since I was little that my mum was different, that she was a normal mum, and a better one. It never came true that wish, but yet at 28, I still found myself making it without trying. Lasting only moments, I still felt sour with guilt at times for the thought, despite being overjoyed for Harry about the recent development. 

“Have you spoken to your dad lately?” I decide to say, draping my work bag over my shoulder. 

“Ya, um . . yest’day, I think it was. He called me on my way back from tha courts. He’s doin’ a job in Edinburgh but wants t’ get together with us when he’s back. I don’t rememba him bein’ a good cook, but he wants t’ have us over fer dinner at his.” 

“That sounds nice. Would you like that?” 

The house is quiet and dark when we step inside. The typical one word male response comes as I set my shoes next to his on the mat, letting him take my light coat. 

“Shit, kinda forgot ‘bout takeaway. Are leftovers fine, bug?” 

“Yeah, I don’t care,” my answer comes. Harry’s humming fills my ears, and although I love it, my attention is held elsewhere. 

“Let’s wait on dinner,” he announces, but not until his arms come around my middle do I start to pay attention. The two waiting texts before me disappear when Harry gently takes my phone away, setting it down on the kitchen island. “I think I have an idea o’ how I could take yer mind off o’ things.” 

I can’t resist, the way my lips split into a smile. The containers of Harry’s famous stir fry are forgotten on the counter when I feel the first kiss he plants to my neck. 

“Oh, really, Mr. Styles, what ever could that be?” it comes out in a giggle, because all control I thought I had is lost with my words. He looks close to one when I turn around in his arms, finding his bottom lip caught between his teeth. 

“Anythin’ ya want, bug, anythin’ at all.” 

“A baby?” I tease, reveling in the sight of his eyes widening. Now, the laugh spills from his decadent, cherry lips. 

“Careful there, Becks, yer gettin’ ahead o’ yerself. Y’know my stipulations on that one,” he jokes, wagging a finger at me. The soft light above the granite top island lends a glow to his face, not that he’d ever need another one, considering the sunshine he holds. I wish I could say the same thing for me, but he whisks it away with those very words. “Y’know ‘ll give you a baby one day, all tha babies you want. But, fer now, what’ll make my bug happiest?” 

My answer doesn’t come in words or a look- well, I may let one go on accident. It’s hard not to while his eyes bore into mine, my hands making their way up his chest underneath his button down. “Will you come and take a bath with me?”

“Certainly. Rough day, bug?” I only nod my head, feeling the knot in my throat when I try to swallow, unable to stop remembering them all. “Wanna talk ‘bout it?”

My head going from side to side suffices for words, and so does the way I drop my head to his chest. His solid arms come around me, smoothing my hair back with gentle strokes. 

“Sounds like a bath bomb and back massage kinda night.” 

“Thank you,” is all I say, because I know that he knows, without him having to say it. 

“‘Course, my love, jus’ wanna make you happy.” 

Closing my eyes, I try to forget the things that had piled up the last week, and the questions I wish I could ask him, but I’m not sure how. 

I don’t know where it had started, or even when, really. As Harry dips his hand under the bathwater to get it just right, they come floating back to me. The way he had been distant, and yet not, but one outweighed the other. 

“C’mere, my girl,” he coos, inching a finger back and forth, beckoning me over to him. Obliging, the floor is ice cold against my bare feet, but his hands deposit a warmth on my skin I’ve missed. “Can I help you get undressed, honeybug?”

Nodding, I absentmindedly pick a spot on the wall to stare at. It was an imperfection at best, a white divot amongst the soft gray. From one of Harry’s drunken nights nearing a year ago, it appeared one morning and he still hadn’t gotten it fixed. It went unnoticed for lengths at a time, but I wish I could say the same for the things I picked up on this week. The way he’d immediately hang up on a phone call when I entered the room, at work or home. Speaking of his phone, he wouldn’t let me use it when I’d happen to lose mine and needed to look something up, not even to take a picture. Instead, he’d make up some excuse about expecting a call, or that it was about to die, despite seeing his battery was at least half full. It confused me, to say the least, but that only shrank in comparison when it came to the apparent work dinner I wasn’t invited to the other night. Then, there was the entire absence of talking about ring shopping, as if it had never existed. I’d ask if we could go and look at this shop, and he’d agree to it but no more would be said. Or, I’d show him a ring I saw online and he’d have nothing more to say than a one word response. It didn’t help that Skye seemed too busy for me as well, cancelling our weekly dinner to hang out with Asher instead, as if we couldn’t have all hung out together. I could have used one of her pep talks, or so I thought until I mentioned my predicament to her, and she brushed it off, telling me it was probably nothing. That only drove me further up the Worry Wall, now wondering if I was making something out of nothing. 

/

“Alright, bubs?” 

She wasn’t alright, and I could tell. It was clear as day, beginning with the far away look in her eye. It only stuck as I lifted her sweater dress over her head, and peeled her black jeggings from her legs. 

“Pinky P?” she ignored our inside joke and got into the tub first. As I unbuttoned my shirt, I watched her as she rested her chin on her knees that hugged her chest. I wondered if she knew, and if I had been too distant, trying to hide it from her. The last thing I would ever want to do in the world is to hurt her. I’m afraid that while trying to do the most important thing in my life, I’ve hurt her in the process. 

“Becks, wanna go out t’ dinner t’gether on Friday? I heard ‘bout this really great place, I think we’d like it,” she hums an audible confirmation, it’s barely there, whilst holding the raspberry colored bath bomb in her hand. “‘m gonna go and warm up dinner and we can eat it in tha bath. That sound good t’ you, bub?”

“Sure,” she says, again. She usually loves my stir fry, and when she doesn’t request her classic big glass of milk with it to keep the spicyness in check, I know she’s not herself. 

Shit, what have I done? 

I find her eyes have lulled closed after I set my empty dinner plate on the floor on top of hers. “C’mere, li’l one,” I hum, waving my fingers in and out towards her. She groans a denial, content to rest her head on her knees still. I don’t take no for an answer, hooking my hands in the crease of her legs. “Becks baby.” 

Huffing, she lifts her pretty head and stuns me with those eyes. A tiredness sits in them, something more than exhaustion from getting up at six am today. Flashing my award winning smile at her, she at last uncurls herself and wades through the bathwater until I pull her onto my lap. 

Now, the hot water isn’t the only thing keeping me warm when she curls up against my chest. Water collects at the ends of her hair, making it hard to comb my fingers through, but only at first. Peering down at her, I watch as her bare chest rises and falls with breaths, something I once was so afraid of not seeing. To never get to see again. 

I thank my lucky stars on the daily for still being blessed with this sight. Her temple is damp with beads of sweat and water mixed together, but I can still smell it there, the orange blossoms and vanilla. Her smell, one I could inhale forever. 

“‘m sorry ‘ve been so busy lately, I know ‘ve been a bit distant,” it begins as a mumble on my lips, and there’s no stopping it in time. “Know you’ve noticed it too, and that ‘s upset ya.” 

“Is something wrong? Did I-,” her question is spoken gingerly, fear in her voice tinged with self-consciousness. 

“No, ‘course not, bug. Nothing’s tha matter, and you didn’t do anythin’ wrong, please don’t think you did. ‘ve jus’ been busy with a project at work, but I promise it’ll be finished soon,” the thought itself brought to life by my voice teases my lips with a smile, knowing the finish line that I approach. At last. 

“Okay . . thanks, Harry.” 

“Welcome, bubs,” I murmur, exhaling against her forehead. Her forehead is balmy where I rest my lips, letting my eyes shut too, listening to nothing but the sound of her breathing. After all of this time, I still felt a chill in my bones when my thoughts were yanked to her accident. Now, it only makes me feel as if my words didn’t do enough to reassure her, but I wasn’t sure what more I could do without giving it away. No, I couldn’t do that. “I love you so much, Becks, can’t wait t’ marry you one day.” 

“I love you too, Harry,” it’s an almost snigger from her decadent lips. I wait for more, but it doesn’t come, not until she stirs in my arms. 

“What d’ya think yer doin’?” it’s my turn to spill a giggle, watching her move in my arms until she’s facing me. More importantly, straddling my lap and running a hand through my hair. 

Her answers came in a simple shrug of her shoulders, but the tilt to her lips spoke volumes more. My name for her sounds from my lips as a tut, but she quickly whisks it away with her own on mine. The rippling of the bath water around us is the only sound besides the way our lips move together. Her ass is spongy and slick beneath my naked fingers, and her squeal against my lips is heaven and everything more. 

“Can I still take you up on that offer?” her words graze my mouth, craving me to reach forward and return them to mine. 

“What offer, bug?” I ask under hooded eyes, mine boring into hers the color of bottomless oceans. 

It was more than music to my ears, it was everything good stitched together by her lips, “To take my mind off things . . and yours, in the process.” 

“Certainly,” I say, beginning to move until her hands push against my chest. “Use yer words.” 

“Let me.” 

It’s a giggled reply at best, because as she adjusts herself on top of me, any possibility of speaking soon wanes. “Yer bloody confusin,’ y’know that, Becks?” 

“Is this confusing to you, Harry?” she murmurs with a flick of her expressive brows. It’s not her words, but something else that knocks some air out of me. Nearly impossible to notice, her composure has grown since she’s become a lawyer, especially as she starts to rub her crotch against my hardening member. 

“Not at all, baby, jus’ tell me what you need me t’ do.” 

“Kiss me,” she answers, fervor shining in her voice. I don’t even get to laugh before she steals it from me with her lips, bringing a groan from them next when she takes my dick in her hand. 

/

A quiet battle rages inside of me, not wanting her to leave, but at the same time, I need her to. There’s never a day where she doesn’t look beautiful, and on days when she has court she tries even more. She asked me once when I find her the most beautiful, and her first guess was these days when she argued her case, but I said no. It brought her eyebrows together in confusion, pinching her oval face in the cutest of ways. No, I found her the most beautiful in the first light of the morning, in the way sleep clung to every bit of her, making her slower and more . . her. It could be found in the lighty giggles that she painted the air with, the way her nose scrunched together in the middle of one. Her hair swept in different places, and how she clung to me like my own personal koala. If koalas were simultaneously personal heaters. Becks was most beautiful in the morning, because in those first few minutes of waking up, I was reminded anew that she chose to be mine. A dream of mine I doubted over and over about the possibility of. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she didn’t need makeup to make her beautiful, but her eyelashes longer from mascara fluttered against her skin with the question. Her dark chocolate eyebrows she swept a pencil over every morning hugged the pale skin between them. 

“Oh,” it plummets from my lips with astonishment, and a clearing of my throat. The left corner of her mouth greets her cheek when the gesture clicks with her. God, sometimes she can still take my breath away by just the sight of her, even several years later. “Ya still manage t’ make me weak in tha knees, y’know that? I dunno how you do it, bug,” I reply with a clicking of my tongue, edging towards her. A shade of coral arrives in her cheeks with my words and proximity, only growing darker when I wrap my arms around her from behind. 

“So do you, you know.” 

“Mmm, thought so, thanks fer tha confirmation, love,” it’s a reply joined by my nose against her temple. Her flighty laugh graces my ears once more, and I’m smiling without knowing it. God, I can’t wait to hear that laugh for the rest of my life. Which reminds me. “You and Rose should get goin’, love, if ya want t’ get t’ tha courts early. Lunch traffic may be bad.” 

“Why are you trying to get rid of me, Harry?”

“‘m not, jus’ lookin’ out fer you, ‘s all,” I choose to say, glad she can’t see the way that I check my watch, seeing the texts waiting on my screen. Too similar to how they’re waiting. 

“Okay, Dad. I’ll see you later then, for dinner tonight?” Suddenly, I’m looking into her eyes, the very color I hope our kids have. I know our kids will have them, they’ll be so lucky.

“‘ll see you afta yer done, bug. Good luck on yer case, I know you’ll smash it.” 

“Thanks,” it’s spoken with warmth, one that I know I’ll miss despite wanting her to go. Needing her to go. “Still picking me up after?”

“‘Course, my love. We can’t f’get dinner t’night.” 

“I’m excited. Rose said she likes Isabelle’s,” she comments, wasting her

time by playing with the opal ring on my hand. Mine that she’d stolen for a good while, and I finally took back. “They have really good desserts and steaks.” 

“‘ve heard that too. Can’t wait t’ try some with you t’night,” it comes out with a smile, but I’m never sure that I could ever match hers. It had gotten better over the last few days, I think I was finding a balance between keeping it but not keeping her out. Her lips taste of cinnamon roll coffee creamer and cherry chapstick when I peck her, just how she always does. I could do with kisses tasting like that forever and ever. “Bye, bug. You girls drive safe now.”

“We will. Bye, have a good day.” 

“See ya. Stop putzing, and get goin,’ li’l one,” I titter, savoring the taken aback look on her face when I slap her ass. The sound of her’s fills my ears as I join her in the hallway, watching her walk away and get onto the lift. 

I give it a few more moments, imagining the space placed between us,  hoping she won’t be returning for something she had forgotten. Now, that would be bad. Only once I feel confident, do my feet wake up and I start on my way, contradicted by the way my heart gallops like a horse right out of the gates. 

“Here we go, Harry. One o’ tha biggest days o’ yer lives, jus’ on tha horizon,” I mumble aloud to me and only him, stopping when I reach the door. Already, I can hear their voices from this side, but before I can open it, I fill my lungs with an impatient breath. 

Their sounds slowly fall when I make my entrance, feeling as I’m still running that race inside of my chest, knowing I’m nowhere near the finish line. Perhaps, I’m just a bit closer. When each of their faces lifts to mine, the faces of our families, it imbues me with a shattering sense of reality meeting dreams. One I’ve had held inside of me for so long now. 

“Alright, so ‘bout t’night then. You lot ready t’ help me with this or what?”

/

I thought I knew what I was doing, but when I turned onto our street, I quickly found that I had no idea at all. I was afraid she could feel the clamminess of my hand, or that that feeling of hers would give it away all entirely. The dinner had gone as perfectly as it could’ve, and I couldn’t be more grateful. I only hoped that the next part would, because it was the most important one of all. Arguably, this would be the most important case of my life that I needed to win. A whirring of the garage door gave a background to my thoughts as I tap at my Apple watch, heaving a sigh when I see the text. 

We’re all ready when you are! 

/

Pulling my coat around me tighter, I follow Harry through the garage and into the house. He had promised more chocolate once we had gotten home from dinner. Although it sounded wonderful, I wasn’t sure how I could fit any more in my stomach after the lavish meal we had just stuffed ourselves with. I still couldn’t figure out why he had gone out of his way to have dinner together at one of the most expensive places in town, Isabelle’s. 

I barely get the chance to shrug off my coat when I feel him tug on my hand. His name escapes my lips in a giggle, similar to the one that gleams in his eyes. 

“C’mon, bug, there’s somethin’ I wanna show you,” Harry insists, waiting for me to join him. Leaving the dark downstairs, I follow him up the flight of wooden steps. 

“What’s that?”

“Yer supposed t’ be able t’ see Jupiter t’night in tha night sky. I know ‘s yer favourite one, bug,” I find myself nodding along with his words. Still, I’m unable to tear myself away from the warm gray suit he donned for tonight, the one that started it all for us. 

“Okay, but I really need the loo first.” 

“‘Kay, take yer time. ‘ll try t’ see if I can find it fer us then,” the words leave my lips with a wobbliness to them. If that feeling of her’s was piqued or if she knew something, Becks didn’t let on. All she did was flash me a funny smile before rushing into the bathroom, hardly closing the door. 

No matter the lengths I go to, I can’t seem to breath in long enough. It all was descending upon me, as I peeked out at the back garden and felt a warmth bubbling inside of me and onto my lips. The effervescent feeling carried through in my limbs as I stepped onto the balcony, pressing record before smoothing down my hair and my suit. 

I felt like if it were ever going to happen, my heart would certainly leap from my chest tonight. Just in a matter of moments, for her. Because of her. 

/

“Did you find it, Harry?” I wonder aloud, stepping through the doorway of the bathroom, returning to our bedroom. 

“Y-Ya,” from the balcony of our bedroom, he responds. Was that a stammer, I just heard? “C’mere, bug, lemme show you.” 

“Okay,” my answer comes, and so does a thought when I glance Harry’s phone propped up on our bed with the camera pointing at me. Funny that it landed that way, I wonder when he’s going to break it from tossing it onto our bed so many times, I think quietly to myself. 

The midnight indigo sky beckoned me forth, as did Harry who looked at me over his shoulder. A soft glow from the balcony light fell over us as I stopped at the railing beside him, peering up at the night sky. 

“Alright,” he sighs, stretching out his arm to point a ringed finger at the expanse of darkness. “Ya see that bright light over on tha left hand side o’ tha sky? There it ‘s, that’s Jupiter fer ya. Told ya I knew a thing or two ‘bout space, Becks.” 

“Wow, that’s amazing,” it comes out in a drawn out breath, astonishment dripping from my words. Even if it was just a twinkling light in the night sky, it was that seven letter word beginning with an A. 

A tingly warmth builds on my cheek, and looking to my right, I find Harry smiling at me. For a second, I think I see a wetness collecting in his eyes, but it’s gone when I blink. 

“What?”

My question sits in the air, unanswered by him while he brushes his thumb across my cheek. 

“Yer amazin,’ Becks . . prettier than any star in any sky, my love,” his words are spaced out in between breaths, and his adam’s apple bobs in his throat, punctuating the end of his words. The corners of my lips lift into a smile, something he can never fail to do, but it was only one out of many. 

“Thank you, Harry,” I murmur softly, stepping forward to press a kiss to his cheek. In the movement, something catches my eye. The feeling of his prickly cheek against my lips is but a memory as my gaze follows through with its curiosity. “Wait, what’s-.” 

My lips pause and so does the question on my lips when I peer down at our back garden. The trees and bushes are lit up all over by candlelight. A breath gets caught in my throat as the image before me comes together, candles organized with their flames spelling two words. My hand instantly flies to my mouth as my breath escapes me, tears taking their place. 

They read, MARRY ME?

I didn’t hear it or let alone see it, the way he had sunk down onto one knee, but when I turn to face Harry, the first one falls. Down my cheek, and then his. His trademark wheeze paints the air as his sages overflow with tears. Swallowing, I taste the briny ones on my lips as an image I’d dreamt of and doubted fills my eyes. It’s unmistakable, the way his knee shakes, the other bent underneath him as the light catches the gleaming diamond ring held in his hand. 

“H-Harry,” it’s shaky and adorned with tears, but the sight before me becomes clearer when I blink. “Yes, of course, yes!” I exclaim, and he’s laughing deeply. 

“I haven’t even said anythin’ yet, bug,” he chuckles loudly with a shake of his head. “C’mere you, get over here.” Obliging, my legs nudge me over to him where he takes my hand in his. 

“Bloody hell, woman, I memorized this whole speech. Least let me try and say it,” the obnoxious and loud laugh that spills from his lips could never fail to be music to my ears. He blows out a breath from his lips rounded into an O, and we both shed apprehensive giggles. “Have I ever told you all o’ tha things I love most ‘bout you, Becks? I could write a book ‘bout ‘em all, but they start with how kind you always are. Reckon it was tha first thing I noticed ‘bout you after those killer eyes o’ yers on tha day we met. You’ve never stopped being kind t’ me, even when I didn’t deserve it, or when others didn’t. That and how bloody unrelenting you are were tha first things that struck me ‘bout you when you were my assistant, Becks. I never would’ve thought we’d get t’ where we are t’day seein’ where we started, but I could never thank you enough fer not givin’ up on me, Becks . . on us. God, ‘m ramblin’ now, ‘m sorry,” there it is again, his signature wheeze. A similar sound comes from me as we take a breather to wipe at our eyes. The only sound surrounding us is the galloping of my heart, probably his too, and my favorite sound falling from his lips. 

“It’s okay, keep going. You’re doing great,” I urge him in a soft whisper, hoping my wink is half as good as his when he smiles that sunshine up at me. He nods once, squeezing my hand firmly before going back to tracing nervous circles onto my knuckles. 

“Yer humor too, it may be cheesy sometimes, and not as funny as mine,” no, my wink could never be good as the one he gives me now. Effortlessly cute. “But I love it, and so many mo’ things ‘bout you, Rebecca Ann. Tha way you take care o’ me. I know ‘ve said it befo’ but yer so good t’ me with yer cookin’, puttin’ up with my cold feet in bed and tha way I hog tha covers, workin’ t’gether at me firm which I know presents ‘s own set o’ challenges, and how you’ve made me into a better person ev’ry day since I met you. Ya get on me nerves and yer stubborn as a bloody bull, but I can’t imagine spendin’ tha rest o’ me life with anybody but you. ‘s been that way fer years now, love, and I can’t go another day without you knowin’ it.” 

“I do, Harry,” it’s a mere whisper, but his smile soaks it all up, and so does mine for his sunshine. 

“Hey, what’d I say ‘bout you gettin’ ahead o’ yerself here?” his lips couldn’t lift higher and his sunshine couldn’t be brighter. Our heads shake with songs of laughter, my very favorite tune in the entire world. “Yer me favourite thing in this entire world, bug, and I want t’ spend tha rest o’ me life showin’ you that ev’ry day. I wanna have so many babies with you, even a li’l boy named Lennon perhaps, and a li’l girl named Luna, like we’ve said . . I want t’ argue cases with you fer tha rest o’ me career, ‘cos yer me favourite lawyer. Yer my partner, bug, and I always want t’ have you there at my side, Becks . . There’s so much mo’ I could say t’ you, tellin’ you how I love you, but I know I have tha rest o’ me life t’ do it. So, Rebecca Ann Holte-,” he pauses with a frog in his throat, shaking his head. A knot tightens in mine as I watch him press his face into the crook of his arm, crying quietly with a smile. Pulling away after a moment, he exhales and looks to me with a wet smile dripping with sunshine.

“Harry,” I sigh, tears tightening around my words. 

Clearing his throat, he continues, “What d’ya say t’ changin’ that last name o’ yers t’ Styles fer me? Will you marry me, Becks?”

“There’s nothing I’d want more, Harry, than to spend the rest of my life with you,” they’re coated in tears, soon mixing with his when I collapse into his arms, my lips pressed against his. I feel the nervousness spill at last from his lips when they touch the crown of my head, laying kisses there in layers as we shed happy tears. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yer ev’rythin’ ‘ve ever wanted, Becks,” Harry whispers there, pressing me firmly against his front. The light catches the well of tears in his eyes when I belatedly pull away, bringing my hand to his cheek. “My fiancee.” 

“Fiancee . . I like the sound of that,” I murmur, tracing the outline of his bottom lip. He nods with my words, just as a tear falls into the divot in his cheek. 

“Y’know what I like tha sound of?” his voice is gentle and just above a whisper that I answer with my head cocked to the side. “Rebecca Styles. Becky Styles.” 

It couldn’t feel sweeter, the sound that coasts off my lips, him soon replicating it. Even sweeter it tastes when I touch my lips to his, finding that same word in his smiling eyes. Following them, they fall to the mahogany colored wooden box he clutches in his hand. 

“Oh, ya, can’t forget ‘bout this now. ‘s very important,” Harry says, opening the box once again, and I’m brought to tears by the sight of it. 

“Harry, is that-,” I begin, but tears take hold of my voice prematurely, my hand over my mouth in disbelief. Sniffling, his ring laden hand dives into my hair, knowing how it calms me. “H-Her ring?”

Flicking my eyes to his, he hums a reply before his lips part, “Ya, ‘s yer Grandma Ann’s, Becks.” his neck smells of vanilla and sandalwood when I find myself in his arms again, spewing ugly tears onto his shoulder. “Been on tha phone with yer dad almost ev’ry day fer tha last two weeeks talkin’ ‘bout it, ‘bout doin’ this.” 

Hiccups rack my chest when I pull away, eyes gravitating towards the glinting piece of jewelry tucked away into his large hand. “I-I see why you were being so sneaky lately,” I muster, swiping under my eyes. Despite the breaths I try to shove down my lungs, I can’t stop shaking. 

“Ya, ‘m sorry ‘bout that. I thought somethin’ was up with you, figured you’d noticed. Didn’t mean t’ keep you out, Becks, but couldn’t have you findin’ out and spoilin’ all tha fun I had planned fer you,” he murmurs, booping my nose. My eyes fall shut when he presses his lips to my cheek, nudging his face against mine. “Important stuff here . . Now, let’s see if it fits.” 

Gulping, I hold out my hand, wincing at the way it shakes. As I watch his long fingers delicately remove the golden ring from the velvet cushion, I try to remember how I’d come to be sitting on his lap. How all of this had happened. A sigh of relief washes over me when he takes my hand in his, gently squeezing it before his other nears it. With bated breath, my gaze flicks between his hand and his greens that watch the same. 

A smile climbs my cheeks as Harry slides off my promise ring, pressing his lips to the naked skin. Happiness sighs from my lips with a choked sound, watching how he carefully places the thin golden band onto my finger. Folding my fingers into his, his wheeze graces the air as I admire the nostalgic ring.

“They’re me Grandma Claire’s diamonds too, from her wedding ring. She wanted me t’ use ‘em when I told her I was goin’ t’ propose t’ you,” he explains softly as I tilt my hand back and forth, watching how the several diamonds catch the light. 

“Oh, Harry,” it catches in my throat as disbelief paints my insides. Guilt rises with it as I remember growing upset with him in my mind, fearing that this was never going to happen. Now, as I stare down at the ring that seals our promise, I truly can’t fathom it. Seeing is believing. 

I’d seen this ring time and time again whilst growing up, admiring it on several occasions. My gran even let me wear it once or twice, joking that it was because I was her favourite. I never thought I would get to wear it one day myself, and that thought makes my vision swim with more tears. Blinking them away, I brush my thumb over the round diamond set into the middle, and the smaller tear drop shaped ones set into the winding bands of gold connecting to the main band. 

“How’s it fit, bug?” 

“Perfect,” my answer is shy, riddled with memories from the only other time I’d worn it before. It had once swallowed my finger, hanging dangerously loose. Not now. No, it fit me snugly, reminding me of all of the years that had passed. Bringing my eyes to his, the dimples only fall deeper into his cheeks. “It’s more than beautiful, Harry, thank you . . Thank you for letting me keep her with me every day, and Claire too.” 

“Yer mo’ than welcome, Becks. ‘m so happy that they get t’ be a part o’ this with us.” 

My chest only shakes harder when he says those words, and I even feel his do the same against mine. At last, the dryness in my throat wasn’t because of pain or hurting, but for a moment, I let myself feel that. I allow myself to remember speaking with her about when I would get married one day as I wore her ring that was too big for me, wishing for a second that I could go back to that day. 

“Harry, you have no idea how much this means to me . . to get to have her with me for this.” wrinkles gather around his eyes when I see them again. They’re painted with tears, and the mere sight of him makes my heart swell. I never thought it could be this good. No, not when I dreamt out loud with my gran about one day wearing a big, white dress and marrying the man of my dreams. I could have never known that I’d be blessed with a man who was that, and more. “I used to talk to her about my silly little girl dreams of getting married, and she’d let me try on her ring and . . “ I muse, my forehead pressed to his, staring at the ring together. 

“Yer dad told me ‘bout that, it only made it seem even mo’ perfect t’ use her ring. He was so happy t’ pass it on t’ me, Becks- onto you,” Harry whispers, sponging kisses across my face in slow movements. I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t been smiling, and was sure that I’d never be able to stop, mumbling soft ‘thank you’s to him. 

“Well?!” comes a shout from nowhere. Nearly jumping, my gaze lifts to the balcony railing and the flickers of light I make out through them where the voice had come from. “What’d she say?! We’re bloody dying over here waiting, and freezing our asses off, mind you!” When my eyes meet Harry’s, our giggles light up the air around us, our breaths mingling. 

“I’m fucking freezing! Are you done yet?” comes yet another voice, one that I also recognize. My eyebrows only fall further into a question as I look at Harry. 

His shoulders rise only to fall, “What? Don’t think I set up all o’ those candles and lit ‘em meself, d’ya? ‘s flatterin’ if ya think so, but I had a li’l help.” 

“What, who?”

“Who d’ya think, bug? Our family,” he answers, swiping his thumb underneath my eye to catch a tear. It makes my lips still, the way he said it. They’re my family now, and mine is his. “Care t’ do tha honors, or shall I?” 

“You can. I just know you’re itching to,” it’s a giggle that only grows louder as he lifts his eyebrows at me. 

“She said yes! We’re gettin’ married!” Harry shouts, and a loud cheer follows ensuite from down below. My favorite sound in the world fills my ears when his lips come to press against my head. “My Becks, forever and ever, baby.”

“Forever,” I repeat aloud, trying it out, as if I hadn’t already a million times over in my head. “Wait, who all did you rassle together for this sneaky mission of yours?” 

“We’ll meet you inside, it’s fucking cold out!” Robbie shouts, followed by a loud ‘brr.’

It comes from his lips again, that sound. Tilting my head to meet his eyes, the sound of his heart thumps in my ear. I’m not sure I could have found a better spot. 

“As you can tell by their loud mouths, Skye and Robbie, first o’ all. Then, ‘course yer dad and my mum, me sister, Myles, and Asher,” he grins, pride dripping from every word he speaks. “My Dad helped with tha reservation at Isabelle’s, he couldn’t have spoke higher o’ tha place. I can see why now, can’t picture our pre-proposal dinner bein’ anywhere else. It only made t’night mo’ perfect . . ‘d thought o’ doin’ it with Scrabble tiles, seein’ how ‘s always been our thing, but I wanted somethin’ grander. Mum and Gemma gave me tha idea o’ spellin’ it out bigger ‘til I thought o’ candles. Then, it was jus’ a matter of gettin’ enough o’ ‘em and lightin’ ‘em. I left tha hard part t’ them, and that jus’ left me with tha ring. Reckon that was really tha most difficult o’ all. Me Gran said I could have her wedding ring, I almost started cryin’ I was so choked up ‘bout it. It was that weekend I took ya home with me, seems it made her a li’l emotional talkin’ t’ ya knowin’ what was gonna happen. That was ‘til yer dad said he wanted me t’ have yer Grandma Ann’s ring, seein’ how close tha two o’ you were . . It jus’ seemed perfect, ‘d been thinkin’ so long on what kinda ring t’ get you, and it jus’ clicked. ‘Course, I still wanted t’ include me Gran somehow. Yer Gran’s ring was missin’ a few stones and hers fit jus’ right. I couldn’t be happier ‘bout tha ring, Becks, and it looks so beautiful on you, love. Like . . like it was made fer you, bug.” 

Words escape me, not that any feel like they could do any justice at this moment. No, those ones aren’t anywhere to be found, besides the ‘thank you’ I tell him, and the other one I say to him with my lips. 

I’m unsure if my legs will ever stop feeling like Jello when he helps me stand, my arms around his waist at the soonest chance. His lips radiated sunshine, but this time, every inch of his face did too. It’d spread to his limbs, imbuing me with his contagious rays when his arms come around me, and the way his lips wouldn’t leave mine alone. 

“What are you doing?” it’s a mumbled question laced with pure confusion when he pulls me over to the right side of the balcony. Realization only dawns on me when I watch what he picks up, light at last revealing it. “You recorded it?” there they are again, hugging my voice and refusing to let go. 

“‘Course, I did,” Harry grins, sliding his hand into the cloth handle on the other side of the compact camcorder. “Still am, look at my beautiful fiancee, and soon t’ be wife.” 

“Harry,” it sounds sad until my laugh overwhelms it, because my smile hasn’t even signalled a departure. 

“Look at that dimple shinin’ so bright,” he remarks, thumbing at the indent in my left cheek. It wanders to the imperfection below my eye. His hand is warm and clammy when mine comes to surround it, overflowing his eyes with tears. “And that ring- bloody hell, can’t believe I get t’ marry you- Hey, kids, if yer watchin’ this one day, which I bloody well hope you are, this ‘s yer Mum. ‘sn’t she absolutely gorgeous? I can’t wait t’ marry yer Mummy, she’s truly tha best person ‘ve met in me entire life- well, ‘til we meet you lot.” 

“Harry,” this time, it’s choked with a sob, or a few. His hand comes to his eyes, pressing his thumbs against his greens with that sunshine on his lips. The breathy sound of happiness sings from his lips when he drops it after a few moments of soft tears, staring back at me, his book wide open. 

“Figure we should show ‘em tha main attraction,” panning to the right, I follow him to the balcony where the multitudes of flickering flames still remain. “We’ll hafta go and blow ‘em out.” 

“Not yet. I just want to look at them awhile . . with you.” 

His reply is only a sniffle, amplified by the way he pulls me against his side, pointing the lens at us now. I look past it, down at the ground where the sight still steals the breath from my lungs, just like the pair of lips on my forehead. 

A few moments later, maybe longer, Harry’s whisper breaks through my thoughts, “Ready t’ go downstairs and show ev’rybody?” 

“Just a few more minutes.” 

“Dontchu worry, we’ve got forever, Becks.” 

Usually, I’d roll my eyes at the cheesy line he deals, but I can’t stop staring at him, still smiling at the thought of getting that with him. Forever. 

/

It beckoned me, trying and failing to drag me away, but I still wasn’t ready. Soft snores had begun to leave his lips long ago. I’m not even sure what the hour was anymore. Skye was the last to leave, to nobody’s surprise, when the small hand was nearing the eleven. Chocolate galore, charcuterie boards, pizzas, and sparkling grape juice filled the hours amongst more crying and stories upon stories. Harry’s clothes were the first to go once we were alone, and mine followed his soon after. 

I wondered if I’d ever stop thinking about it, or more importantly, stop staring at it. Only the least bit of light ran through the barely closed curtains, catching the ring, just like it’d always been. I also wondered when I’d stop crying, it was a little embarrassing when it happened in between the sheets with Harry. 

His stirring beside me brought my eyes upward and to him. Lines gathered on Harry’s forehead in his sleep, relaxing a second later. A huff fell from his lips and into the air as he relaxed, an inked arm stilling underneath his pillow. With a long blink, I belatedly tug the covers over my shoulders, nuzzling my head into the crook of his neck. He didn’t groan anymore or even move at the touch, or when the tip of my finger begins to trace the lines of the numbers hovering over his heart. The year that started it all, a three letter word that now had turned into forever, something I never thought I would get to have with him. I fall asleep with the smile still stuck to my lips, unwavering against the warm skin of his neck. 

/

A few days later, and it still hadn’t worn off. Secretly, I was hoping that it never would. Again, the smile still came when I caught sight of the promise on my finger, and was only a reach away. When I stopped in front of the sink in our ensuite bathroom, it fell when I called to Harry with a question, but only for a moment. 

“Babe, have you seen my pill pack?”

“No, I don’t think so. Have you checked tha usual spots?”

“Yeah, I don’t know where I put it,” sighing, I pad across the cold, tile floor. “Oh. Well, I’m sure I’ll find it.” 

* 

Song: Let’s Get Married by The Bleachers (click to listen) ;) ;) 

[waokevale]

Slight panic attack,

Porcelain Face - Chapter 5

WARNING: Lilo&Stitch 2 spoilers (If you haven't watched it before)

-"So how about we go inside? Have you ever been to a porcelain store before, paper-boy?"

The guy in grey apron asked as the three of them walked into the warehouse of the shop.

-"Nope, and if you want to talk to me with a nickname it's actually cardboard boy." Virgil replied.

-"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, what's your name by the way?" The guy asked, a little nervously from the awkwardness of this conversation so far.

-"Its Virgil" The cardboard boy replied.

-"That's a lovely name you got there kiddo! I'm Patton! I'm the son of the owner of this store, cool right?" The guy so-called Patton said in a cheerful tone.

-"Yeah, yeah. Skip it, that's amazing that you guys finally know each other now but haven't we brought Vee here for a reason???" Ethan rolled his eyes.

-"Ooooh! Yeah! Explanations!" Patton finally replied.

-"Not ALL of the explanations, Pat." - the porcelain boy raised his voice a little with stress and worry.

The older one nodded quickly.

-"Soo.....Do you want to know about your mask?"

Virgil and Ethan both looked questionably at him.

Virgil's expression on his cardboard face obviously said that he indeed wanted to know more about it and the other boy was just waiting for the bomb to explode.

-"Well...I know it's magic but I don't know exactly where it came from, hehe...." Patton laughed nervously, scratching his cheek.

Ethan facepalmed his head then, Virgil though looked pretty confused and disappointed.

-"Guess we're staying here for the rest of the school time...right?" Virgil said, wanting to change the subject, what's the point of asking questions anyway if they won't tell you the answers.

-"Oh no no no! You're not staying in THIS place.

It's only for fixing Dee over here." he said pointing at the porcelain boy

"How about going to the cafe?" Patton suggested getting a glare from the porcelain boy for the nickname that was used in front of Virgil again.

-"You change your mind pretty quickly."the cardboard boy said.

-"Not wanting to be rude of course."

-"Nah, you're not.

He's just like this confused mom friend even if he declares himself a dad" Ethan simply said making the usually bubbly person huff in annoyance before smiling again and saying:

-"Welp, I may act like that sometimes but I do not have a feminine face like you, dear cousin." The older boy smirked as the younger one with heterochromia gasped offended.

-"That's not my fault! Let's just go to the cafe!"

Virgil giggled at their funny relationship, they got along pretty well. 

It was a shame for him to be honest to not have any cousins or siblings....It felt so...lonely.

After they appeared at their destination Patton asked the boys what they wanted to get, since he was the one to buy the stuff.

Virgil wanted to deny but he looked at Ethan instead remembering he didn't eat.

Apparently Ethan forgot for a second as well before getting "angry" again.

-"I can't- You bastard! How dare you Patton?! Right in my face?" The porcelain boy exclaimed as both of them knew what he was talking about, they both laughed. 

-"Your loss. Virgil will get your food then!" Patton simply said as Ethan crossed his arms, pretty pissed off at his miserable non-human being.

-"No, no I don't-"

Virgil tried explaining as Patton gasped before heading closer to the boy and whispering:

-"Please don't tell me you don't eat too."

-"No, it's just I don't want to inpose, please-" Virgil tried saying but Patton kept nagging him until he finally sighed in defeat and agreed.

As Patton went to buy the food and drinks there for a moment was  silence between the two of the other boys until Ethan finally spoke up.

-"Sooo...You're really not ashamed of me being...you know?" He asked as the other boy shook his head pretty fast it could even fall of his neck.

-"No! Of course not! You're wonderful!" He tried defending the other who smiled softly at him.

-"Are you busy tonight?" The porcelain boy asked.

-"N-no? Why do you ask?" Virgil said.

-"Then I'm inviting you over! You can finally meet my queer-platonic mums!" He said exitedly before flushing in embarrassment for saying it out loud."

-"R-Really? They won't mind?" Virgil asked again, a little more shy this time but still with hope in his voice.

-"No, but there is another problem with them that you need to just ignore..."

-"What???" Virgil became a ball of confusion at this moment.

-"They ugh....Think we are a couple? How do you say it....They...ship us?"

-"What???? And why would I be a bout-" Virgil asked with an inside joke.

-"Well, it's not exactly a bout...."

-"I know what it means, dummy. I'm just playing with you to make it sound less awkward."

-"Well, that didn't help-" As Ethan was in his mid sentence he got cut off by Patton who just came back with the food."

-"DA FOOD IS HERE!" Patton happily exclaimed.

With that sentence The boy in vitligo did some hand gestures to Patton, probably the sign language as the boy in glasses glared at him and used the sign gestures back.

Ethan: "F-U-C-K O-F-F P-A-T" 

Patton:"L-A-N-G-U-A-G-E" 

-"What were you saying????" Virgil asked but instead of answering Ethan took the muffin from Patton's plate who clearly yelled at him as he  shoved it in Virgil's face.

Unfortunately it didn't go through his mask as it was intended to.

Instead it made Virgil very uncomfortable.

-"Guess it broke, huh?" Ethan said.

-"I'll eat it later you idiot! Don't shove it in my mouth here if I can't eat it!" Now Virgil was really pissed at the other boy who now tried to apologize to him the best he could.

And it finally worked.

-"How about we go to Dee's house?" Patton suggested.

-"I already asked him that before, he agreed."

-"Yey!" Patton replied still as happy as ever.

-"But I need to get my things first-" Virgil said worriedly.

-"Oh right!" The both of them said in unison.

As Patton drove him off to his house to get his things.

His parents weren't home as usual....

After 10 bare minutes of packing he came back and popped in the car next to apparently Dee.

-"Why aren't you sitting next to Patton in the front sit?" Virgil asked curiously for why the other boy was sitting here when there was an empty sit in the front.

-"He knows why." Patton exclaimed rolling his eyes as Ethan stuck his tongue out at him.

-"Okay then..." The cardboard boy awkwardly replied.

After 10 minutes of driving or so, because Patton couldn't drive faster that 50mph.

[Ethan always woke up pretty early and run 5 km like it was nothing]

When they finally arrived Ethan went to knock on the door as he said:

"Mom C! Mamma D! I'm brought Pat and Virgil home!"

-"Pfff..Mom C, Mamma D?" Virgil said

-"Shut up" Ethan replied as two woman in the age of 30 or close came to the door.

One had light curly hair dyed the color red and as the author would describe African eyes as they were green with a big patch of hazel in the middle.

She also appeared to have a lot of freckles on her face.

She as well as Patton wore an apron but not for painting though as for cooking.

The other one looked more tomboy like, one could say.

She had pretty short but not too short dirty blonde hair, torquise eyes and a literal face of a duck.

She wore a black hoodie and stripped shirt under it, also having trainers and ripped jeans.

-"How's our not-born-from-either-of-us gay son doing?" They both said in unison as he sighed, Patton though giggled and Virgil just rolled his cardboard eyes playfully.

-"Ooooh! Is this your boyfriend you've been talking about?" Mamma D (Dominique) said.

-WHA-NO! HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND MOM!"

Ethan yelled, his face being the color of a tomato at least.

-"Not yet" Mom C (Caroline) said looking at a wall and winking to it. 

[She breaks da fourth wall]

-"God..." Dee whined tiredly.

-"Auntie Caroline and Dominique are funny aren't they?" Patton exclaimed.

-"Um....." Virgil was almost silent, as he as well as Dee blushed madly.

-"Anyways, we are going to my room, what's for dinner?" Dee asked, not caring that he himself didn't eat, since the other two on the other hand did.

-"Mac n Cheese!" Dominique yelled.

-"Mmmm, my favorite!" Patton happily cheered.

-"God, I wish I could eat....It always looks so good..." The porcelain boy mumbled not expecting the comforting pat on the back from his hooded friend in the mask.

-"It's fine, though. I'm used to this torture." The boy exclaimed this time louder.

There was a moment of silence before Ethan asked both of them:

-"Hey guys, what do you want to play?" He said pointing at a giant stock of board and video games.

-"Jenga!" Patton exclaimed

-"Monopoly..?" Virgil said unsurely.

-"Virgie NOOOO I don't want to lose you!" Ethan whined holding the paperboy's hands with the pleading yet fake sadness on his face pretending to be dramatic again making the smaller one giggle.

-"Aww you guys are cute." Patton said, adoring the other two who flushed and moved away a few inches.

After some time of playing board games like dungeons and dragons, Jenga, Uno and Hot Patt-tato they were loosing up for a movie.

-"Oh, oh! Let's watch Bolt!" Patton yelled exitedly.

-"I'd rather watch Jungle Book, It's more classic." Dee criticized

-"What about...Lilo & Stitch?" Virgil suggested, still pretty shy though.

-"which part? I have all four, plus the series." Dee exclaimed.

-"Um....Maybe the second one?" Virgil said.

-"Okay then..."

When the dinner was finally ready they all stopped the movie to eat, except Ethan who didn't want to wait for them here and later getting teased on by Dominique and Caroline, Dee left, offended and flustered, then Virgil and finally Patton.

They got to the part in which Stitch couldn't control himself anymore and screwed stuff up, him and Lilo had a fight and later on Lilo went to play a role without him as he was even more broken.

This scene made them all sob, but not as much as when Stitch was put into the fixing machine as everyone thought it was too late for him.

Now they all fully cried. What was the most surprising was that it wasn't Patton who cried the most at the scene but Virgil. 

Both Ethan and Patton tried to comfort him after watching the part.

Though there was happy ending so nothing really bad then..

-"Virgie, why did you pick a movie which would make you cry so much?" Ethan asked worriedly.

-"I just...wanted to see this part again...For some reason.."

-"Okay then..." The boy in vitligo signed.

-"Oh! Son, it was very nice to meet you and I'd be glad to adopt you as my own." Patton said with a loving stare at the masked boy.

-"Ummm....What?" Virgil asked, pretty confused now.

-"Shh..You're my baby now."

-"...Eth?" Virgil tried asking for help but none came since Ethan just gave the "shrug it off" motion.

After some time of eating snacks and talking, the porcelain boy checked the hour.

-"Oh shit we should probably go to sleep, guys."

-"Language, Dee." Patton rolled his eyes tiredly.

-"But it's only 2 AM in the morning?" Virgil asked as the other two gave him an unbelieving stare which made him regret saying this out loud.

-"Bed. Now" both of them said at the same time.

-"Nooooo" Virgil whined as he was being pulled by them to bed.

-"But my Tumblr-" he tried defending himself but for no use.

-"It won't fly away. Now sleep!" Ethan said in a worrying yet stern voice.

-"Um...I sort of have problems with that."

-"Shouldn't you put your mask away first? It's probably hurting your face no-" Patton asked yet being cut off by the younger boy in the cardboard mask.

-"NO!" Virgil yelled but put his hands to his mouth and gasped at his sudden outburst.

-"I'm so sorry, I- I didn't mean to-" he cried as Ethan came closer to him.

-"It's not your fault, it happens sometimes to every one of us. 

Now do you want me to sing you a song? Maybe it will help you sleep, I don't know...."

The smaller boy nodded without any hesitation even to his own surprise making Ethan chuckle a little as he began to sing Welcome to Wonderland by Anson Seabra.

Which actually worked as his wonderful siren like voice lulled the cardboard boy to sleep.

They both then fell asleep on the porcelain boy's bed as Patton just signed, peacefully this time and went to the living room.

.

.

.

.

.

-"VIRGIL WAKE UP, WE OVERSLEPT!" The voice broke the amazing silence as the boy in the bed hissed lazily not caring.

-"Virgil please, we need to go! Or I'm taking your mask off." Ethan fake-threatend.

Virgil then suddenly flicked from the bed "energized as ever"

Or rather anxious as ever.

As they both sat in the car and run as fast as they could to the classroom...

And there was a new student.

[untitlednottitled]

number10

Pre-Event plannings

I had a grand plan, to be lawfully wedded to my bby on our 10th anniversary, 1 year after proposing to her on our 9th, in Jeju, in front of a field of flowers with a fantastical view of the sparkling sea. I even rushed and got the engagement ring ready before our planned trip to Korea in April! But alas, covid-19 had to happen and all was foiled. After the initial plan was foiled in Apr’20, we held out hope that we would still be able to travel by the year end.. but yeah covid gave us a great big middle finger, as yet again, cases skyrocketed and we were all but grounded in sunny Singapore. 

Finally, in Dec’20, I decided to propose before July’21! Since the ring and the JannPaul box has been hiding at the back of the closet for the past year, and i didnt want to put it off any longer.

i began to scout for and collate decor items bit by bit on carousell, shopee and other shopping sites. It was a painful process because my initial plan was to recreate “Venezia”, which was an ice cream cafe we went to at Sixth Avenue, back in our JC days before it bowed out of Singapore a few years ago. There was next to no mention of Venezia on google and I was also unable to find any useful logos of the establishment either! So that idea was scrapped. Next, there was the plan to create big cut-outs of either Monsta X or VIXX members who would seem ‘genuinely happy for the proposal’.. but once again, let down by google, as the images I managed to find were either too pixelated or not relevant enough. Sadly, that idea flopped too. In the end, I decided to go for a more normal but personal decor to surprise bby :)

Truthfully, there were many chances to surprise-propose bby, especially our most recent staycation at Park Royal Marina Bay, but I didn’t feel that I was ready to do it.. so I delayed it till our big dinner on July 10th. Why July 10th? SAF had the brilliant idea to schedule my ICT during our actual 10th anniversary date, so we decided that we would have our anniversary dinner earlier. Furthermore, after Gyu Bar, we decided that we could and wanted to try more fine dining. After much research and deliberation (between Whitegrass and Buona Terra), we finally went for Whitegrass, which had decidedly nicer deco and ambiance. 

The weekend before the 10th, bby suddenly suggested that after our big dinner, maybe we should go for a drive. This gave me a great idea - if i drove, this meant that she would have to come stay over, and then I would definitely be able to surprise-propose to her! I very easily agreed with her suggestion and went for a slightly higher-end car, an Audi. Thankfully, this rental was not far from my place and the rental wasn’t that much higher than the Honda Fit before. So far, all was going to plan. Then, we also decided that since we would be getting a car, we could travel slightly further out, eg. the East. We decided to go to Playground Ragdolls, which would be our first interactions with our dream pet for our new house! 

I ordered a huge preserved flower bouquet beforehand as well as a tiny flower-box, to be delivered on the July 9th, which was also my mum’s birthday. She requested to have chilli crabs for dinner, which my bro bought from Jumbo seafood. We had a scrumptious dinner that night, but extremely regrefully, I couldn’t invite bby to come over, because it would mean that she would see all the flowers and thus ruin the entire event. 

On the day itself

On the 10th, coincidentally, I had to take up a mover role, to help my bro move some of his guo-da-li stuff to his fiancee’s place in Pasir Ris in the morning. It was a very simple job that took up the bulk of my Saturday morning. After lunch, he sent me back and I quickly completed the deco and freshened up before leaving at 4pm to collect the car. 

Leaving at 4pm was an overestimation of the travelling time, but also to prevent any lateness. I reached the rental car location at about 445pm but could not find the car at all. Confused, i called the host and she was quite pekcek to inform me that I was 15 mins early.. i went ‘oops’ and apologised for my kiasu-ness. At least she wasn’t overly judgey about it. I took over the car and quickly got on my way to Lakeside. Along the way, the aircon vent handphone holder kept dropping everytime I made my way over a particularly high bump as the Audi aircon vent was different from the normal aircon vents i was used to, with horizontal panes. Other than the handphone holder dropping from time to time, the drive to Jurong was pretty smooth. 

I picked bby up at about 5pm and she surprised me with another street branded shirt, endorsed by Hyungwon of Monsta X. She even gifted me with a picture of him wearing the exact same shirt! I gifted her with the small flower-box and inwardly laughed as she whined about receiving another flower.. inside i was like ‘lol, wait till you get the one at night’. We drove off from Jurong to City Hall, which was supposed to get us to Chijmes in 25 mins? 

Oops, we will be so early! But in the end we spent more than 35 mins on the road, because google maps was being a bitch and not giving the correct directions and we had to circle round Chijmes twice because we couldn’t enter the place! Finally, we decided to follow the signs strictly and we managed to enter the Chijmes carpark at last. We wandered around Chijmes for awhile and took some pictures. I helped her take some pictures that she was actually satisfied with!!!! SDNJIADBNAIKFAUFAKLFDNA!!! 

After inwardly celebrating alone, we entered Whitegrass. Overall, the food was nothing to brag about, though the service was very good. Like what bby has said, the best things about the meal were the breads and the specially made financier by the Japanese Chef. The Chef came out to greet us and even wished us a happy anniversary followed by a picture of us hehe. 

Full af, we decided to drive to Sentosa cove to sneak a peek at the rich people but nope, not allowed to ba long long go in, so we rerouted to Palawan beach instead. well well well, no entry into the beach. hur. oh well, time to head home. Inside my mind was running in all directions, almost 1.5y in the making, it’s finally gona be time!!

We reached and parked in less than 30 mins and quickly made our way back home.. only upon reaching my doorstep that i realised i left my keys in the flower-box inside the car.. luckily my dad was still awake to open the door for us.

Once in, we discovered my room door was closed and i let her enter first. Once she sweeped her eyes around the room, i panicked a little and just grabbed the ring and knelt down. I was entirely FLUSTERED and my mind was blanked out. haha, i lost all sequence of events. i knelt at an awkward angle and i wanted to switch knees, at which point, bby looked down and saw me kneeling on both knees (facepalm ttm). but okay, eventually it got sorted out and we took some pictures, with creative advice from my fiancee (^^). i also told her the entire journey from the ring all the way to present time, honestly, without hiding anything. Tbh, i wanted to make it hella grand but I missed out on some deco and by the time i discovered, it was too late to order again. UGHHH. When we went off to bathe, it was already about 1am and we had an early morning ahead. We both went to sleep happy hehe. (i got myself a ring catto)

Ragdolls all day, err’ day

I woke up next to bby catto who suddenly wrapped me up in the blankets and took a picture of me -.-

anyways, after a quick breakfast, i wore bby’s present and went out. We went some place first, before heading to La Fez in the East. It was a Morrocan restaurant which had a very pink and cutesy exterior. The food was not bad as well, the bby ordered Shakshuka while I ordered the Lamb Shwarma. Not entirely filling but good enough for me!

 Next we set off for Playground Ragdolls.. but i think i missed a turn somewhere so we just parked at a nearby carpark instead. We wanted to walk to Tigerlily Pattiserie but changed our minds to head to Birds of Paradise nearby instead, since bby has been wanting to eat it. and hohoho, dark skies ahead started to thunder and shortly after rain poured down. We didn’t bring umbrella and neither were there any umbrella in the rental car.. so we decided to brave the rain. The initial rain was pretty manageable, a slightly heavy drizzle but manageable. The moment we were halfway to the next shelter however, it poured. and poured. and poured. Needless to say, we were both drenched.. and bby was wearing her Tory Burch too... nevertheless, we persevered and reached Birds of Paradise and got our ice cream too! (along the way we passed a mama shop and bought a $6 umbrella) We got roasted sesame and sea salt hojicha. Tbh, both were good but as we were practically wolfing the ice cream down and the quantity was really alot, the ice cream became pretty jelat after awhile. For the first time in a long long while, we threw away ice cream. Yes, bby was pretty horrible for throwing away ice cream, especially when she was the one who proclaimed she loved it. 

With our new umbrella, we eventually made our way back the way we came, dry this time, towards Playground Ragdolls! Since we were pretty early, we waited outside for a short while, before the host let us in. and wow, once in, we were greeted by 2 curious little Singapuras. At first glance, they looked like regular strays but on a closer look, they had a kind of refined quality that really separated them from typical strays. And then as the host continued her briefing, our eyes strayed to the ragdolls. OMGGGG all so floof and cute!! Bby and I settled down near the couch and started playing with an 8 month old female kitto. and omg she was so playful!! Immediate want! While playing, we didn’t forget to enquire more about the purchase process and also listened in on the other customers’ queries as well. 1 hour passed all too quickly, and it came time to bid farewell to the cattoes. 

On the way back to the car, bby remarked that she was a little peckish, so we decided to head to a drive-thru at marine parade.. but once there, no drive-thru to be seen!!! We stopped at the passenger waiting area for awhile to research but to no avail. Eventually we gave up and I drove her back to her house.

At her block, I helped to carry all the barang barang back up and I remarked to her that I was going to call her parents ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’ to hint them that I proposed. And I did, but apparently, only her mum caught it. Her dad didn’t, sadly. Unfortunately, I needed to rush back to return the car, so i couldn’t stay to explain further (Sorry Father, i will explain the next time i’m there!)

Anyways, I drove back to return the car and swiftly parked. The owner ‘received’ back the car without much incident also. Aaaaand that concludes mine and bby’s eventful weekend, in which we both had our relationship statuses changed from boyfriend-girlfriend to fiance-fiancee ^^. 

Honestly, I do regret not getting actual flowers for you back in 2011.. but lol, the virtual flowers confession did make our relationship more interesting though haha. Yet another interesting tale that we can tell our kids next time also. I feel so happy as I recount the entire experience and am so glad that it succeeded. This sat, we will be going to re-size the engagement ring so that bby will wear the ring for events soon!! can’t wait!!

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Happy Father’s day; Roger Taylor x reader

*Author’s note*

Hey guys I know this isn’t really THE chapter that everyone is dreading but I figure before I even do that, I need to give you guys SOME form of fluff so I sat down and thought to myself, in honor of Father’s Day why not do a Father’s day Rock Angel chapter. So in this chapter it’s filled with NOTHING BUT PURE ROGER TAYLOR FLUFF! I hope you all enjoy this little update and until the next one, make sure you have tissues on hand.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@ixchel-9275​

@simonedk​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@platawnic​

@queensdivas​

@queendeakyy​

@kairosfreddie​

@onebigfangirlworld​

@bohemiansweede​

@5sos-wdw​

@labessieisallama​

@isabella-bby​

@dj-lowkey​

@naturalswifty89​

@starswin​

@geek-and-proud​

________________________________________________________

*June 21st, 1984. Roger’s POV*

I was sleeping peacefully in my bed.  After getting in home late from doing some last minute adjustments to my second solo album Strange Frontier, I deserved to sleep till lunchtime.  Well I did till I felt the little man come up and jump on my bed and crawl up to me.

“Daddy wake up.” I felt him nudge my shoulder.  I pretended to stay asleep even though I was completely aware of him. “Dad wake up!” he whined before pouncing on top of my back and crying out even louder “Dad! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! DAD!!!” I smiled into my pillow and rose up from my sleep which forced Felix to roll off me.

“What is it Felix?” I yawned out. “Didn’t your mum tell you not to disturb daddy when he comes in late from work?”

“I know but I couldn’t wait any longer to give you this.” He then held up a handmade heart card. I brought it closer to my face so that I could read it better and it said in blue crayon.

To Daddy

From Felix

I opened the card up and there was a little poem.  It read:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Guitars are cool

But not as cool as you

Happy Father’s day to the best Daddy in the world!

Love Felix Taylor

I smiled and brought my little man close to me, gently ruffling his hair.

“Thanks pal. I love it.”

“You do?” he asked me.

“Of course I do. I’ll keep this close to me right down in the basement studio.”

“I’m glad you liked it daddy. I worked hard on trying to find the right words to write.” I smiled and ruffled his hair as I pressed my forehead to his, my nose grazing his.

“I know you did. You’re just like your father like that.”

“Well now that I see you managed to wake your father up, is it time for his breakfast in bed now?” Dominque’s voice soon spoke up.  She stood at the doorway with a tray of my favorite breakfast.

“Yes mummy bring in the breakfast. I helped cook it specially for you daddy.”

“Did you now?” I asked.  He nodded as Dominique came up to us and placed the tray of food down in front of me. It was all of my favorites, scrambled eggs, and bacon with a tall glass of orange juice.

“Mummy let me crack the eggs and even mash them up.” I took a bite of the eggs first and moaned loudly.

“Well you’re definitely hired as my new head chef Felix.” I told him.

“Hey, hey no talking with your mouth full. I swear Rog you’re always teaching him bad manners.” Dominque scolded me.

“Oh come on it’s my special day. Give me a break.”

“Fine. Come on Felix let’s leave your dad to his breakfast in bed.”

“Awww!”

“Come on you.” Dominque picked our son up and walked out but stopped and turned back towards me.

“Oh Rog I almost forgot, someone left you a present this morning on the front porch.”

“The front porch?” she nodded.

“Once you’re done with breakfast, it’s on the dining room table.” She then left the bedroom with our son leaving me to eat my breakfast alone.

After breakfast I brought the tray as well as my empty plates and cup down and right there was a small box wrapped up standing there on the table.  I put my dishes up and tucked the tray back between the fridge and the cabinets and walked into the dining room and picked up the small box.

Attached to it was a tag that had my name on it but it didn’t say who it was from.  I untied the box and opened it up and inside it was a brand new watch.  Not only that but it was the latest model, it had a nice black leather strap and the main watch itself was a nice silver color.

I looked back in the box and there I found a note tucked away inside.  I took it out of the box and I read it to myself.

Roger,

I hope you like the new watch I bought you. You’ve said you’ve been needing a new one.  On this day, I hope I can do something that I hadn’t gotten to do in years.

While you’re celebrating Father’s day with little Felix, I’ve got a special surprise for you later tonight.  Attached to the back of this letter is an address you’ll need to go to before sunset tonight. As well as a couple places I want you to go to stop at first.

Hope this Father’s day proves to be the best one you’ll have.

Your lion cub,

I smiled as I shook my head.  Oh that girl. She didn’t have to get me anything, especially with her wedding in a few weeks.  Yet she managed to take some of her own money and get me this expensive watch.

As she said on the back was an address to the main event tonight and just underneath that were two places I needed to go to later this afternoon.  One of them was a tailor shop, and the other was the name of our favorite restaurant with directions on the reservations for 3.

“That lion cub of mine.”

“What’d she send you?” Dominque soon came in.  I showed her the new watch as well as the note.  She smiled and said.

“She really does spoil you doesn’t she?”

“Well, not as much as I do her. You should’ve seen me on her first birthday with us. Even though she wasn’t our intern anymore I still wanted to make sure she had a good 19th birthday. Especially after I found out that she hadn’t had a birthday since her parents died.”

“It’s unbelievable that after going what she went through that she’s still the golden hearted woman she is. I mean she’s good with Felix as well as Chrissie’s and Ronnie’s kids. And she keeps you guys in check when on tour or at the rehearsals.” I nodded.

“I mean—there’s no way that I would have enough strength to go through all that verbal abuse, not to mention dealing with a parent’s death at that age and not come out differently. I probably would be the biggest arsehole in the world if I were in her shoes.”

“Well you’re not. So don’t go trying to start becoming one.” I saluted her and gave her a ma’am yes ma’am.

Later that day after getting a couple more gifts from Felix like some drawings and even a little acting performance of a play he wrote, it was just 20 minutes before the lunch reservations.

We all got around and I drove us downtown to the restaurant.  When we got there I told the server that there was a reservation for 3 under the name Taylor.  She looked over and soon found it and told us to follow her.  We got a special table all the way in the back where we wouldn’t be disturbed by any fans but had a nice outdoor view.

The lunch went really well and another little surprise was that when Dominique went to pay for the meal, our waiter told us that the lunch had been pre-paid.  It was then I knew that it was another (Y/n) move.

I looked down at my new watch and found that it was close to the time where I needed to head to the tailor’s shop.

“You guys go ahead and head on home, I need to make one last errand run before I need to head to my final destination.” I told Dominque.

“Do you want the car for tonight? Felix and I can take a cabbie if you do.”

“If you’re sure you want to hail one down.” She nodded and said.

“Take the car, besides who knows what traffic is like and they charge you even if you’re in a parking lot.”

“You’re going again daddy?” Felix asked me looking up at me with those puppy dog eyes of his. I knelt down to his height and said.

“I’ll just be around the town for a bit. I’ll be back later tonight, I promise.” I bopped his nose and his frown slowly turned upside down. “C’mere give me cuddles.” He came up to me and we hugged each other and I gave him a kiss on top of his head. After separating from each other, I gave Nique a peck before heading back over to the car and drove to the tailor shop.

About 10 minutes later I arrived and parked right in front of the shop.  I entered inside and standing behind the counter was a well-tailored man wearing glasses.

“Welcome to Kingsman tailor shop, how may I help you?”

“Yes I uhh—I’m here to pick up a suit. Under the name Taylor.”

“Ahh yes, the young woman called us a few weeks ago about this order. It’s all ready for you in change room 1.” I nodded in thanks and went to the left into the first changing room.

Inside I saw a well-tailored blue suit.  It was a dark blue colored which she knew I looked pretty good in.  But it got me thinking just where the hell I was going to go that I needed to wear this fancy thing? I changed from my normal clothes into the tux (hopefully to make sure the measurements were good) and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t look too bad.

At least they got the measurements correctly.  I stepped out into it and the clerk said to me.

“Looks smashing on you Mr. Taylor. She really did right by you this time.”

“Yeah. Now do I have to pay for it or—”

“The young lady who called in about it already put in the down payment for the tux. It’s all taken care of.” Thought so.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime sir, have a good rest of your day.”

“You too, take care sir.” I went back towards the car and decided that now would be the best time to go to the address that was written on the note.  Taking it out of my jean pocket, I read over the address once more and soon I was on my way back to Leicester.

Later that night I soon arrived in Leicester right at the address where I was told to go to. When I arrived I saw before me a small little cabin building with lights and decorations already set up.  I was also saw that there were crowd of people already pouring in, but what surprised me was that the crowd of people in there were father’s with their kids (ranging between 6-10).

Okay this was—a little weird.  I’m gonna look like some sort of creepy rotter for coming here and just waiting around watching all these dads dance with their kids.

“I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come.” My heart paused.  I turned around and standing there with a beautiful white dress with a red sash wrapped around the middle, and flowers decorating her hair was (Y/n). “Kinda silly I know. I look like a grownup Barbie doll dressed like this.”

“You look beautiful.” I said.  I walked up to her and lifted her chin up so that she could look into my eyes. “Like a true Princess.” She smiled then took my hand and led me away from the front of the building to the back.

Around back there was an outside dance floor and all the firelight decorations were placed all over the wooden railings decored with flowers or vines.  I could see some of the father’s with their daughters already slow dancing with each other.

“Every year my Primary school held a Father’s Day dance. It was a special something the school did to help celebrate the fathers of the kids that come into their school. I remember my dad always taking the time out of work to come with me to these dances, helping me get ready, dolling me up in a pretty dress, dancing with me till the moon came up. After the car crash I—” she stopped and looked down sadly.

My brows furrowed in concern as I hugged (Y/n) close to me and just silently held her.  I gently squeezed her comfortingly as she softly sniffled and let out the tears.  God I can’t imagine what this day meant for her after her father died.

At her age, she must’ve thought even though she lost her father maybe her uncle could be the positive male figure in her life.  Only to find out he’s a rancid old arse who belittled her for everything she did, criticizing her whenever she didn’t succeed (even when she did. Just not to his standards). All the while still grieving over the lost of the only man who ever gave her love and affection.

Seeing and hearing everyone talk about how their father’s were involved with their lives, or how much their dad loved them, it must’ve been Hell for her.

“I’m here lovie. I’m right here. Let it all out.” She sniffled and patted my arm assuringly.

“I just wanna thank you, Roger Meddows Taylor. For being the father figure I needed in my life. Now more than ever.” I released her from my hug and held her face in my hands, gently wiping away her tears.

“Of course love. I’m always gonna be there for you, no matter what. You may not be my child by blood, but I truly have come to see you as my own daughter. From the day you first gave me that 1 and 3/7th sugars.” We both laughed softly.

“I still can’t believe that that’s just a joke you always do to the new interns.” My grin grew wider as I continued to laugh softly.

“But it just showed me you were truly a caring person.” I placed my hand against her cheek and she closed her eyes as she nuzzled against it.  Her eyes, which were still slightly teary, glistened underneath the full moon and the stars.

“I—know we’ve got our Father-daughter dance for my wedding in just a few weeks. But, could you—join me for this Father’s day dance?” I gently smiled at her and got down on one knee.  I held her hand in mine and looked right up at her as I answered.

“It would be my honor.” She smiled happily as I stood up and brought her close.  We could hear the music from where we stood and as a slow ballad song began playing, I brought my baby girl close to me and the two of us gently swayed together.

The two of us danced underneath the moonlight and if someone were to see it, it’d be like seeing two silhouettes dancing in perfect harmony of each other.  Whenever I would give her a gentle twirl, her dress would flow just like waves on the beach.  

But what I enjoyed most was having her pressed close to me so that her head would rest on either my shoulder or chest, and I could press my nose to the crown of her head. This kind of intimacy was something I would never have with any other girl.

(Y/n) (l/n), soon to be (Y/n) Kline, was my daughter.  No matter what anyone says.  I view her as my daughter, and that’s how it shall always be.

After the dance, the two of us took a midnight walk along the open fields of where the cabin club was.  There was a large field of flowers along the rolling hills and there she had a small little picnic set up.  Mostly with sandwiches and a bottle of wine.

Together we snacked on the sandwiches but mostly we drank the wine.  When the bottle was nearly empty the two of us cuddled up close together along the hill, my jacket covering her up as she lay her head right over my heart.  She had passed out just a few minutes ago and I stared down at her.

As gently as I could, I took the flowery headband off her head and gently stroked through her soft hair.  I pressed a kiss to the crown of her head as I turned back up towards the sky.  The stars sparkling down at us like billions of little spotlights.

But one star in particular shined bigger and brighter than the rest.  I smiled tiredly up at it and softly said.

“You’re welcome (F/n).” I lay my head right up against hers before falling fast asleep from the wine. All the while never once letting go of my little girl.

Yeah, she was definitely right.  This would forever be the best Father’s day I would ever know.

[finding-hope-strength-courage]

Driving OCD Progress - 21/06/2021

Background

I find this quite difficult to write about because I'm embarrassed and ashamed about it. I fear being judged and people thinking I'm crazy. I'm aware my worries and Anxiety around this are irrational but that isn’t how OCD works. It plays on your worst fears, doubts and the “but what if?”

My first obsessive thought linked to driving was actually during my first driving test (which I failed). Afterwards I got obsessed with this one part of the test where I was paranoid I'd gone over the speed limit by a couple of miles an hour (I still don’t know if I actually did or not) and was worried about a speed camera, I remember even ringing my driving instructor at the time and she reassured me it should be fine and the camera I drove past was a traffic surveillance one.

I passed my driving test towards the end of 2011 on my 3rd attempt. I was incredibly nervous each time and thought I'd never pass because of my anxiety but I managed to. During the test I passed I actually talked to myself throughout the test and went through my thought processes out loud to keep me calm and ensure I didn’t forget anything. The examiner was fine with this and said it helped him to see and hear my thought processes.

After I passed and began driving on my own I felt this huge sense of responsibility. To start with I got a bit obsessed with paranoia about speeding and breaking rules like stopping in a yellow box / running a red light. I’d have to consciously check my speed whenever I went past a speed camera even though I wasn’t speeding but I needed to consciously remember so I could tell myself I hadn’t in my mind. I remember once being in traffic and I ended up stopped in a yellow box and panicking inside until we started moving again. I don’t think I was even stopped in it that long but afterwards I started reading the consequences and trying to look if any cameras had caught me stopped in it. I just got obsessed with it.

Before long my obsessions turned to pedestrians and I became paranoid with accidentally hitting anyone whilst driving or cyclists or causing an accident somehow and not knowing about it. It’s embarrassing to even admit this because I know it must sound a bit weird. The few people who I've been able to talk to about this over the years have been very understanding and reassured me that I'd know if something happened. My mind though plays tricks on me and I just feel this sudden wave of anxiety of “what if I accidentally hit that pedestrian and didn’t realise?” This has caused me to re drive routes sometimes countless times and take me a lot longer to get home than it should do. Other people in my life have driven me to check routes too in the past to help ease my anxiety.

I have had counselling I the past a couple of times of this side of my Anxiety and OCD. I also had medication in the past to help reduce the intensity of my OCD and Anxiety. It’s been a long and complicated illness and one that’s difficult to talk about for fear people will think I'm crazy.

Current Progress

When I became pregnant in 2019 I vowed to work even harder on my OCD and Driving Anxiety and was having counselling during this time. I worked hard with Exposure Therapy and keeping a kind of diary of my drives and when I checked etc.

After our daughter was born I told myself I needed to keep strong and work on my driving and not check so she’d not pick up on things as I'd feel so guilty if she did. I only drove a couple of times on my own at the beginning of 2020 before the pandemic and managed not to check but then I didn’t drive again until later in the summer. I managed to not check the handful of times I drove then too. In December 2020 though I was struggling with my self esteem a lot and pressure with my Anxiety in general as I was trying really hard to work on my fears about the pandemic and do more again. This in turn actually made my Anxiety around driving worse too for some reason and I had to check a couple of drives I did which left me feeling a bit rubbish and like I wasn’t making progress.

I did one more drive in December before Christmas to see a close friend and someone I can actually talk to about these difficulties. I was able to talk about it all before I left to drive home and that really helped me drive home without needing to check.

I didn’t drive again after that for another few months because of the 3rd Lockdown in January. I told myself it was like a fresh start when I started driving again after the lockdown and to just keep trying to not let the obsessions get the better of me. I was really worried because I hadn’t driven for so long again but I’ve actually managed to not check the past couple of months since I've been driving again! It’s been tough but somehow I am fighting really hard!

Progress Breakdown

Last Route I Checked - Driving Home  from A Country Park on 14/12/2020

Routes I’ve Driven Without Checking Since:

15/12/2020 - Drove to and home for a walk with a friend.

28/04/2021 - Drove to and home from a Farm.

02/05/2021 - Drove to and home to see a friend/family.

05/05/2021 - Drove to and home from a walk at a Reservior.

06/05/2021 - Drove to and home from a Country Park.

09/05/2021 - Drove to and home from a Country Park.

10/05/2021 - Drove to and home from a Country Park.

11/05/2021 - Drove to and home from a Country Park.

11/05/2021 - Drove to and home from a Garden Centre.

12/05/2021 - Drove to and home from going out for lunch.

15/05/2021 - Drove to and home from watching my husband doing a sporting activity.

20/05/2021 - Drove to and home from a Farm.

27/05/2021 - Drove to and home from a Farm. (My Step-Mum was following though as she came with us but drove separately in her car).

27/05/2021 - Drove to and home from having my Covid Vaccine.

02/06/2021 - Drove to and home from a Country Park.

03/06/2021 - Drove to and home from a Garden Centre.

07/06/2021 - Drove to and home from going out for lunch.

14/06/2021 - Drove to a shop to drop off a roof box we borrowed, then to my Step-Mum’s and then back home.

15/06/2021 - Drove to and home from swimming.

20/06/201 - Drove to drop our cats at a cattery, then drove to the cemetery to visit my Dad’s grave, then to my Step-Mum’s and then home again.

Seeing it written down like this makes me feel I'm making more progress than I realise. In the past I'd have struggled to write more than one or two routes before I had then needed to check another route. I so nearly gave in yesterday and even started driving round the roundabout again to go back and check but I just told myself no and kept on driving, it was so incredibly hard but I'm hoping it’ll all be okay. I just tell myself this is the only way I can get better. It’s draining but maybe I'm making progress with my recovery, finally! Just got to keep fighting.

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Flufftober day 20: Roommates/neighbours

Are we on? (AO3 link)

-----

Aaron was tired after a long day at work and he was looking forward to a night of doing absolutely nothing but watching some tv while eating junk food. As he drove up to his building, he noticed a moving van parked in front of it, blocking half the road and also the good parking spaces.

He decided he was too tired to argue with whoever was moving in and just parked his car a little further away and went up to his flat.

It turned out the moving van belonged to his new neighbour or neighbours and their entire floor was chaos because of it.

Again, the tiredness won from the annoyance and Aaron just walked around the chaos to get to his flat and hoped the new tenants would be normal and quiet, unlike the guy who’d lived there before who liked fighting with his girlfriend, loudly, and then making up even louder.

He didn’t see anyone around so he just figured he’d say hello the next day.

Only the next day he got called into work on his day off and by the time he got home he was in no mood to deal with anyone, let alone any new neighbours.

Whoever had moved in next door to Aaron was quiet, thankfully, but also seemed to work pretty much the opposite hours to his own.

It had been a few weeks since they’d moved in and Aaron had yet to see them.

He’d heard about them from some of the other neighbours. Apparently it was a guy alone, who was friendly, charming, and polite, if the ladies in the building were to be believed.

“Hello Aaron.” Mrs Philips, one of Aaron’s neighbours who lived on the same floor, greeted him as she and her dog stepped into the lift with him.

It was his day off and after putting the shopping off way too long, his fridge was empty. And so was his stomach.

“Hi.” Aaron gave her a smile and a nod. He liked her. Ever since he’d moved into the building she’d basically adopted him like a grandmother.

There’d been a little awkwardness when she’d tried to set him up with her granddaughter and he’d had to tell her he didn’t like girls like that, but that was soon forgotten. Especially when she found out Aaron had moved to the city after a break up.

“How are things, love?”

“Alright thanks. And you?”

“Oh not too bad, not too bad.” She smiled. “Henry and I are looking into taking a little trip soon. To Dublin to visit his brother.”

“That’s nice. My sister and step mum live in Dublin too.”

“Oh really? Well if you want to ride with us when we go, so you can visit them too, just say the word.”

“Thanks, but work is keeping me busy right now.” Aaron told her. “And my sister will be busy with her college work anyway. I’ll see them when the summer holidays start.”

“Ok. Well, if you change your mind, just knock on our door.”

“I will.”

“Have you met the new boy yet from number 42?”

Aaron bit back a laugh at her referring to the new guy as boy.

“No, not yet. I think we work different hours. He never seems to be home when I am. But I hear he’s nice?”

“Oh yes, very polite and helpful too. He helped me carry up my shopping the other day.”

“That’s nice. Have you introduced him to your granddaughter yet?” Aaron joked.

“Well… I would but uhm… from what I’ve seen… I think he’s… otherwise inclined… you know, like you.”

“Have you been spying on the neighbours, Mrs Philips?” Aaron asked amused.

“No! I was just taking Chester out for his late night walk. I’d fallen asleep in front of the telly again so it was a bit later than usual, and I saw him… kissing… another man.” Mrs.  Philips said, almost whispering the last part like it was some kind of secret. Which, Aaron figured, if he was kissing some guy in public, it probably wasn’t. “He lives next door to you, haven’t you heard anything?”

“Nope.” Aaron shrugged. “Whatever he’s doing, he’s doing it much quieter than the last guy who lived there. Which is more than fine with me. But I should get going now or the shops will be closed and I won’t have any food.” He bent down to scratch the tiny Yorkshire terrier behind its ears. “Bye Chester, bye Mrs Philips.”

Aaron managed to get his shopping done in record time, and only got mildly annoyed by the rest of the shoppers. Only when he got back to his building, there was a car in his usual parking spot. Nobody had officially assigned spots, but that one was his and everyone knew it. It was one of the better spots, close to the entrance and easy to manoeuvre out of when leaving.

But no matter how much he glared at it, the shiny silver Porsche wasn’t going to move, so he settled for the open spot across the street and dragged his bags inside.

By the time he made it upstairs, he was sweaty and annoyed. The weather was getting warm and the black hoodie he was wearing really was too much.

He unlocked his door, dumped the shopping bags on his kitchen counter, took off his hoodie and threw open the balcony doors to get some fresh air. He vaguely heard some guitar music coming from outside but the need for a dry shirt was higher up his list of priorities.

After he’d changed, he made himself some lunch and decided to eat outside on his balcony.

The guitar music was still playing and it took him a while to realise it was coming from next door. New guy was home and played guitar then.

Aaron liked to think he had a pretty good ear for music, yet he couldn’t place the song.

“Some of us are trying to get some peace and quiet, you know. Take it inside!” One of the neighbours yelled.

“Oh shut up, Eric! It’s the middle of the day and it’s better than your Sunday morning wailing!” Aaron yelled back, annoyed. “Hey mate, do you take requests?”

“Sure. As long as it’s not Oasis.”

“Hey don’t knock Wonderwall, it’s a classic.”

“It’s kind of overdone, isn’t it?”

“Fine. Surprise me then.”

“Alright. See if this fits your tastes better then.” The strumming started again. It was the same song as before and Aaron still couldn’t place it.

There was a good two meters between the two balconies and Aaron’s previous neighbour had put up screens on the sides, for more privacy, so he couldn’t actually see who he was talking to.

“Sounds good mate, what is it?”

“I wrote it myself. It’s kind of a work in progress.”

“You write songs?”

“Sort of. Started learning a couple of years ago to impress someone… that didn’t work out but I kept the guitar.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. You’re talented.”

“Thanks.” The guy said and after a pause added, “Do you want to come over for a beer? Or a lemonade if you prefer. ”

“Oh uh... sure… why not.”

Aaron took his dishes inside, grabbed his phone and keys and made his way over to his neighbour’s house. He knocked on the door and when the guy opened up, Aaron almost fainted from shock.

“Aaron? Is that you?”

Aaron was too shocked to reply and just stared dumbfoundedly at the other man. His childhood best friend that he hadn’t seen in at least 15 years.

“It’s me, Robert. Robert Sugden. Do you remember me? We used to hang out when I lived in Emmerdale as a kid.”

“I… uh… yeah… hi…”

Robert smiled and Aaron wondered if he’d always been this gorgeous.

“Hey, come on in. I had no idea you lived here too.”

Aaron walked into the flat. It had the same lay out as his own but otherwise looked completely different. Where Aaron’s pride and joy was his tv and gaming console and the rest just functional, Robert seemed to have put a lot of time and effort into decorating his flat.

“Nice place.” He commented as he looked around.

“Thanks. I’m really happy with it.” Robert replied. “Sit down, make yourself comfortable. Do you want a beer? Or a coke or something?”

“Beer is fine.”

Robert dashed into the kitchen and came back with two bottles of beer.

“I can’t believe it’s really you.” He said and sat down next to Aaron on the sofa. “How long has it been? Fifteen years?”

“Yeah, something like that. You and your family moved away and we lost touch.”

Robert nodded.

“We moved to the other side of Hotten at first, but we didn’t live there long, and then further away near Hull for a few years until my parents split up. My mum moved down to Birmingham and eventually my dad let me join her. When I came out to him he was more than happy to get rid of me.” He took a swig of his beer. “He died a few years ago.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not. We never got on and he really didn’t want a bisexual son.” Robert told him. “Anyway, how have you been?”

Aaron took a drink and filled him in on the past fifteen years. By the time they reached the present day they were both on their third beer.

“Are you seeing anyone?” Aaron asked, Mrs Philips’ comment from earlier in the back of his mind.

Robert made a face.

“Sort of?”

Aaron laughed.

“How can you be sort of seeing someone?”

“I don’t know.” Robert laughed too. “His name is Mike. He’s Irish. I met him in a club a while ago and we’ve gone out a few times… He’s nice…”

“But?”

“But… I don’t know. I like him, he’s sweet, good looking, good in bed… but it’s just… too easy?”

“Too easy? What do you mean?”

Robert shrugged.

“If he wants to go see a film and I want to go to a club, he’ll come to the club with me. He doesn’t like pineapple on pizza but he’ll have pizza Hawaii if I want it.”

“So he likes to please you. Is that such a bad thing?”

“I don’t know… that’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

Over the next few weeks they started spending more time together and soon they were as close as they had been as kids. Only this time around there was something more growing between them and they both felt it.

Robert was technically still seeing Mike, but neither of them remembered or cared about him when they ended up in Aaron’s bed together after a night of drinking and shooting zombies.

The next morning Aaron woke up alone and figured Robert must’ve ran back to his flat and his boyfriend, only when he sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he saw Robert’s shirt half hanging from his chest of drawers and his jeans on the floor.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

Aaron looked up and saw Robert walking into the room wearing his boxers and Aaron’s shirt from the night before, and carrying two mugs.

“I made tea and I was going to make us breakfast in bed.” He sat down and handed Aaron a mug. “Unless you want me to get out and forget last night ever happened?”

“Do you? You have a boyfriend.”

Robert flinched.

“I’m not interested in being your bit on the side.” Aaron continued. “The sex on demand when your boyfriend is busy.”

Robert put his mug down on the floor.

“I’m not asking you to. Last night was… amazing. You made me feel… alive… like no-one else ever has.” He said, choosing his words carefully. “I feel like I can just be myself with you. I don’t have to be Robert from the club, or Robert from the office, or that nice lad from down the hall. I can be all of them or none of them and you still make me feel… special.”

Aaron smiled and let Robert kiss him.

“Last night was amazing for me too. But that doesn’t change the situation…”

“I know…” Robert sighed. “I’m supposed to meet him for lunch tomorrow. I’ll tell him then.” He decided. “He’s a good guy, he deserves more than a text or a phone call.”

Aaron nodded.

“Ok.”

“So… what about you and me then?” Robert asked, an almost shy smile spreading over his face. “Are we on?”

Aaron put a hand on his chest and moved it up to his neck, pulling him close to kiss him.

“Yeah. We’re on.”

[cinderella1181]

Battle Cries Chapter 4

TITLE: Battle Cries

CHAPTER NUMBER: Chapter 4 /?

AUTHOR: Cinderella1181

WHICH Henry/CHARACTER: AU Henry Cavill /Juniper Denholm

GENRE: Romance/Comedy

FIC SUMMARY: Henry Cavill is the fourth son of the Lord and Lady of St. Helier. He is also now 37 still living at home and has no plans to move out. His father, recently retired, is forcing Henry to live on his own. Set up nicely, by his parents Henry has to find his place in the world and find real love for the first time with a girl he didn’t necessarily think he would even like.

PREVIOUS: Chapter 3

RATING: M (sex, language)

WARNINGS: Lots of language in this one…. yeah. We also meet Juniper’s nemesis!! ooooooo

AUTHORS NOTES: Keep the feedback coming! I love it! Special thanks to @losille2000​ for being a muse and a beta!

Taglist : @losille2000​ @sobeautifullyobsessed​ @omgkatinka​

Joey looked over at Madeleine, sitting on her half of the bed. She had been so near to him the last few days, non-intrusively, but just there, quietly in the room. He smiled and reached for her hand, taking it up to his lips and kissing the back of it.  She set the book she was reading down and smiled at him. Her hand reached up and touched his face, covering the ugly blue green bruise.  She smiled a little.  “Are you feeling up to rehearsing? I can call everyone else.”

He smiled.  “Yeah, we need to make sure I can sing for Friday. Henry is bringing his mum and sister-in-law to the show.” He grinned again.  “You should invite Juniper.”

She made a purely Scottish sound in the back of her throat.  “And have them get into a row in the middle of a set?”

“He wouldn’t dare. His mum is there and Henry is a mummy’s boy,” Joey said.  “It may be the perfect chance for them to see each other out in a social setting and not have to be exactly thrown into anything together.” He crossed his arms.  “I think it is a fine idea.”

Madeleine looked at him, one eyebrow raised.  “You also thought it was a fine idea to shimmy up a trellis.”

“To be fair that would have worked,” he said, “had I not been as...uh….well…”

“Drunk. You can say the word,” she replied. She shook her head.  “Fine. I will invite her, but if she decks him in the middle of a song, you are handling the fall out of it all.”

“Scouts honor I will.” Joey smiled.  “Now kiss me.”

“Ugh, no,” she said, pulling a face before giggling and leaning in to kiss him.  “You really think they are well suited for each other?”

“My god, yes, trust me. As much as I know Henry, he is perfect for her.” He smiled.  “It’ll be good, I promise.”

######

Friday Night

Henry stood in front of the Queen’s Arms, blowing into his hands waiting for the taxi to drop his family off. He had been in the pub earlier helping the band set up, but now simply was waiting. He watched as a cab stopped in front of him. The door opened and out walked a very unexpected sight.

“Anya! What are you doing here?” he asked. His heart started to pound.  

“Well, Jilly told me you had friends playing here and if I wanted to come she was sure it was fine,” she said quietly.  “She is my best friend, you know.”

Henry looked at her and nodded.  “No, no. I am glad you are here. How have you been?” 

She smiled.  “Good. Working a lot.”  She stepped in closer to him.  “What about you?”

Henry’s mouth worked with no sound coming out for half a second. “I am working, too, just part time really, at the comic book shop around the corner. I just live around the other corner,” he said quietly.  “It’s my friend and, well, boss’ band that we are going to see together… er... Tonight.”

She smiled a little at him.  “I am excited to see them. I am over in Camden, so it’s not too far.”

Henry nodded. He wasn’t sure why after all of this time, he still felt so nervous around her. “Well, I hope you like them.” 

Like an answered prayer, another taxi pulled up. His mother stepped out first, then his sister-in-law. He smiled at them.  “Ladies! You made it!” He moved to hug his mother, pressing his lips close to her ear.  “Help me!” he whispered. 

Marianne smiled.  “Anya, why don’t you and Jillian head in? I am going to have Henry take me over to see Kal for a few minutes. I am missing my big grand baby.” 

“Jillian, there is a spot for us all by the band. Tell someone and they will direct you. They all know me and know you’re coming. You can catch up with Anya.”

They both smiled and waved. Anya hesitated in the door and looked at him before heading in. He wrapped his arm around his mother.  “Thank you, really... I just need a few moments.” 

She nodded.  “I didn’t know she was coming until we were on our way here. I had no way to let you know. I am sorry, son,” she said quietly. “Want to walk me over to see the boy?”

He nodded. “Yeah, come on. It’ll give me a few moments away to get centered to see her again.” He smiled.  “And Kal will be happy to see you. He sat at the door and whined for almost an hour on Wednesday waiting for you to come back.”

###

Juniper walked into the pub and let her eyes adjust to the light. She could see the group of friends in the corner, with Henry in the center. He had a beer in his hand and a genuine smile on his face. 

She felt something jump in her stomach. She wasn’t sure why she was feeling that way.  She certainly was not going to admit to Madeleine that he had been the center of her thought pattern for the biggest part of the week. 

There was something about him though, smiling with his whole being that made her smile. She took her coat off and handed it over to be hung up in the coat check. She headed into where the friends of the band were settled. She smiled a little and waved at the band as they were playing. 

Just as she was going to say hello to Henry, a beautiful exotic dark haired woman wrapped her arm around him and looked up at him. Henry returned the gaze a second, and then she reached her small hand up to his face, pulling him down into a kiss. 

Juniper felt like she had been punched in the gut. She didn’t know why, she wasn’t even sure she had the right to feel like that, but she did. She stood motionless for a second and then went over to the side of the stage where Madeleine stood. She took a deep breath.

“Hello,” she said. 

“Juniper! You’re here!” Henry said. 

“I am. Madeline is my best friend. I do occasionally enjoy seeing her,” she said. 

“I know, you’re just… never here this late. They are already in the second set,” Henry replied. 

“Oh, I was unaware that you got every set after the first, exclusively.” She raised her eyebrow.  “Shame, if I had known.”

“Juniper, that’s not what I meant,” Henry said. 

“It’s fine… I’m here now, am I allowed to stay?” she asked, her eyes piercing him. 

He sighed and rolled his eyes.  “Yes, fine. Juniper, this is my mother, my sister-in-law and my… um…”

“Anya. My name is Anya and I am his friend.” She smiled.  “We have heard so much about you already.”

“Oh, really?” Juniper said.  “All bad, I’m sure.” 

Henry frowned.  “Not all of it. I did tell them about how you drove all four adults in one toy car to the A&E,” he replied. 

“And not the part where I walked in on you almost completely naked?” Juniper replied.  “I would have thought that single tiny, small detail would have been one you wouldn’t have left out.” Henry’s face turned a shade of red that she wasn’t sure she had ever seen on a person. “Most men would want to defend that ‘detail’.”

Anya looked at her, her eyebrow raised. “I never found that detail small anytime I ever saw it. But if you weren’t up close and personal with it, well, I guess it could look small at a distance.”

Henry gritted his teeth.  “Can we please stop talking about my ‘details’ in front of my mother?”

Marianne laughed. “You do know I was the first person to see it?” 

Anya laughed, and even Juniper couldn’t help but give a little giggle.  

“I mean, it’s been years since I have seen it… but I was, at one time, pretty acquainted with it.”

“Oh, look, Joey needs me,” Henry said, moving away from the group of women, all of whom looked after him and laughed.  He went over to his friend.  “Save me!”

Joey turned and looked back at the group that Madeliene was now joining.  “Why? It looks like they are having a good time.”

“At my expense!” Henry hissed.  “They are talking about Horatio. I think there is one… no, two women over there who have not seen him.”

Joey’s face changed in a few different ways and then the realization came on.  “Just one, if you were counting Madeleine. You may or may not have walked around our flat nude and drunk once.”

“Fuck,” Henry said.  “This is the last time I come to the pub. First the ex from... Well… let’s just say that was heart break on my part, but fuck… fuck…” He ran his hand over his face.  “This is just absolute hell.”

“Honestly, it can’t be all that bad,” Joey said. They stood together and looked over at all of the women at the table, who were in turn looking in their direction and laughing. “Wait, I take this back. This can be bad.” 

“Fuck,” Henry replied. 

[izzy-b-hands]

London By Night, Chapter Six

Brunch, girls’ days out, lads’ days in, and sometimes the best therapy comes from four people who are your friends but also whom you work for (at least in lieu of actual therapy, and during a brunch with weak mimosas.) 

Also Chrissie takes on Y/N’s mum in a wonderful yet polite way while Rico Nasty’s ‘Smack A Bitch’ plays essentially. She’s a fuckin’ rock star in her own right in this chapter (who does not smack anyone, but like...the Tension is there lmao.) 

tw for misgendering, weight talk (...look we’re just not. gonna talk abt what of my own issues w/my mum I’m working out here. It’s just. happening and I’m rolling w/it.), casual transphobia and microaggressions from Y/N’s mum. Pretty frank descriptions and discussion of emotional abuse and fear of physical abuse. This one is...heavy. Take care in reading, y’all. Have a mug of something warm maybe (or cold? it’s summer and I’m melting constantly, have something comforting let’s say.) It exhausted me mentally and emotionally to write, so...yeah. Take it slow reading it if needed, or avoid if it’s too heavy. 

We are eventually going to get to some lightness again in this fic, I promise!

also I can’t decide how I wanna spell John’s nickname, so I just winged it and decided on one spelling at random here lol. 

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“This is the emergency?” you scoffed, staring at the dishes and plates piled high with breakfast foods on the coffee table in Brian’s sitting room.

“Yeah,” Roger grinned. “We’ve got this lovely brunch, and two more place settings that are empty, and well, now here you both are!” 

“Did you do this just to get her off our backs and into a hotel?” you asked.

“Well, that and I wanted breakfast,” Roger replied. “So I called up Brian and Chrissie, and we got to work; John brought toast-” 

John nodded, a piece of it in his mouth while he reached for a scone. 

“And now here we are! And after a night of dealing with her, you need something like this.” 

“Wasn’t all dealing with her,” Freddie grinned, and you gave him a light jab in the ribs. “Was dealing with someone else too.” 

“Is that what you’re calling it now?” you teased. “Are you going to ‘deal with me’ later, since the flat will be ours alone again?” 

“Down, you two,” Brian laughed. 

“Or you’ll get the hose?” 

“He’ll do it,” Roger said far too seriously, and you wondered exactly what story hid behind that comment. 

But there was no time to ask, as a sudden loud knock on the door startled you all. 

“Who on earth?” Brian muttered, and tried to lean from his seat to look out the front window. “That’s a cab leaving. Who else would be coming here by cab?” 

Your hands shook slightly as it dawned on you, and you set down the plate you’d started to fill with food. 

“Oh fucking hell,” Roger spat, looking through the spyhole of the front door. “Guess who?” 

You carefully but quickly moved from your seat near John, and started for the back door. 

“No, Y/N,” Freddie called, scrambling up to retrieve you. “Be calm. It’s going to be alright.” 

The knocking was more insistent now, just as loud as before. 

“She’ll wear her knuckles through the damned door,” Roger muttered. “Ridiculous.” 

“I’m calm, you said. “Perfectly calm. It’s just that she’s here, and she shouldn’t be because we just left her at the hotel, and how did she even fucking find us-” 

“I love you, but this is the exact opposite of calm,” Freddie cut you off as you babbled. “We’ll get you out of here. Now, she might see us out the back door somehow, so Brian, which upstairs window would you suggest is easy enough for us to climb out of?” 

“What?” Brian frowned. “None of them, because you can’t climb out my fucking windows and go running across the roof?” 

“Now Brian, we’ve talked about refusing new ideas without even trying them and how detrimental that can be-” 

“Yeah, in regards to like...new food in new places while on tour,” Brian interrupted. “Not about you clambering about the rooftop via my windows!” 

“Necessity demands it, Brian!” 

“Even if it did, the back door is still the only option!” Brian sighed, clearly exasperated. “Is she that bad?” 

Roger nodded, eyes wide open as he walked back to the table, snagged a full champagne flute of mimosa, and drained it. . 

“Well, I can’t just leave her out there!” Brian protested, heading for the door. 

“What is all this racket?” Chrissie asked as she ran from downstairs to the door. “All of you that sloshed already you can’t answer the door? There’s barely any champagne in the mimosas...” 

“Chrissie no!” Whether Roger was bemoaning her opening the door or the lack of extra champagne in the mimosas you weren’t sure, but it didn’t matter if it was just one or both, as your mother waltzed in as if she owned the place. 

“Y/N! You left me no phone number to reach you at, and I have a question about the hotel, an important one!” 

“Yes?” you asked, hoping it was actually important.

“Well, I need to know if the hotel serves breakfast, because I am hungry, but you both left in such a hurry! So I had the concierge help me get the same cab you both used, and then I told him I was meant to have gone with you, and that nice gentleman drove me here! But look at all this! Is this the ‘tour emergency’ you were called to solve?” 

“We’re discussing that issue over brunch,” Brian said quickly. 

“They are,” Chrissie immediately backed him, and you wanted to hug her. “So, you’re Y/N’s mother? I’ve been able to hear from upstairs, Y/N has told the boys so much about you!” 

“All good?” your mother asked, a hint of ice in her voice. 

But Chrissie was a natural, or at least wasn’t about to be talked down to in her own home. “Of course! You know, since you mentioned breakfast; I was going to meet Brian’s mum in about an hour for an early lunch. But you could surely come with us; we could even leave early, do some shopping, if you’ve any favorite shops you’d like to stop at.” 

“I’ve never been here before,” your mother said in a voice that rudely insinuated Chrissie should somehow have magically known that.

“Even better!” Chrissie caught your eye and gave a near-imperceptible nod of assurance. “In fact, why not make it a girls’ trip, since the boys have taken over the space here for work? Rog, John? Why not call up your mums, see if they’d like to have a girls’ day out!” 

Roger and John obediently stood and went to the phone, but you couldn’t relax yet. All this was doing was exposing her to more people, surely-

“I’ll call Mary,” Freddie’s voice interrupted your on-the-verge-of-derailing train of thought. “She’d love to join you all, I’m sure.” 

“The more the merrier,” Chrissie said warmly, but you tried to flash him a look that read ‘no’ regardless. Adding in more people couldn’t be the solution. 

Freddie only shook his head at you, and went to wait his turn for the phone, while Chrissie pulled your mother into the kitchen for a cup of tea. 

“You okay?” Brian asked softly as he sat back in his seat. 

“Do you have a sinkhole in the garden I could jump into?” 

“We’ve not had the sinkhole put in yet, sorry,” he smiled sweetly. “I really think this will be better than you must be imagining. Maybe this will help her loosen up, get her off of your back for a bit.” 

“You’re all very kind to me, and to her,” you said. “But she’s not that easily handled. She never has been, and eventually everyone hits their breaking point with her.” 

“Then we’ll just hope that she’s on her way home before any of us reach that point,” Brian said. “Don’t stress more over it, you’ll only do yourself in.” 

“Okay,” you mumbled, and dropped your head into your hands as you went back to your seat. 

“Have a scone, breathe. You’ll be fine, everything will be.” 

You broke off a piece of the scone he handed you and jammed it into your mouth. It was good, but you knew you’d only start to feel better and safe once she was out of the house. 

“They all said yes!” Freddie chirped as he came back in and sat down beside you. “Oh, you look like you’re about to cry. Please don’t, it’s really going to be alright.” 

“That’s what I said,” Brian replied, distracted by something as he leaned back in his seat to look into the kitchen. “I think I get what you’re talking about with her now. How she is, all that.” 

“How so?” Freddie asked.

“Well, Chrissie is shooting me her ‘christ almighty come save me’ look, and that’s only used in desperate times, so-” 

You interrupted him with a frustrated groan, and shoved another bit of scone in your mouth to hold off the tears. 

“I’ll go in and help her out, give her a break for a moment,” Brian said. “Probably good I get to know your mum too, if I’m going to help deal with her, right?” 

“Flawed thinking,” Roger warned as he came back into the room and dropped into the nearest seat (John’s, as it happened.) “I fell for it too, last night. But go on, join us in our misery.” 

Brian rolled his eyes and started towards the kitchen, John popping back in and taking his chair as soon as he was up. 

“So...you know the rest of this brunch is you telling us all about her, right? We can’t talk about anything else now.” 

You sighed. “What all do you want to know?” 

“Everything! Has she always been like this? If so, do you know why? And if you don’t know, why don’t you? Did you do something to her, did someone else? Did-” 

“Deacy,” Roger said. “One at a time; he’s already a mess! And let’s at least wait until she leaves.” 

“And what are we to talk about in the meantime?” John scoffed.

“Saw a squirrel fighting a bird for a bit of biscuit on someone’s lawn this morning,” Roger said. “How about that?” 

John thought for a moment, then nodded. “Who won?” 

Before Roger could reply, your mother swooped back in, Brian and Chrissie right behind her. 

“So, Y/N, I am being treated to a girls’ day out!” she squealed happily. 

Brian rolled his eyes, and shot you a sympathetic look.

“Now, I just wanted to address...” she continued. “I mean, well. It’s for girls, and you...technically...I mean you are, or were, but you are and aren’t and um. I don’t want you to feel bad that you aren’t coming with, you know, but...I mean, if we were designating it by what’s in our pants, it might be different, and-” 

You had never witnessed a shared group look of terror, but it was a hell of a thing to see as it enveloped everyone, as it dawned on them what she was trying to say. 

“Y/N is a part of our uh...call it a lads’ day in,” John interrupted before she could blather any more. “Also, part of tour prep as a member of the road crew.” 

You nodded, fighting off the anxiety attack threatening to break forth. 

“So no need for apologies or worries or anything else,” Roger added. “You’re doing your thing, having your day, and he’s here with us having his, all is well.” 

“I know, but-” your mother started. 

“If you’re worried about the boys keeping busy and entertained,” Chrissie interrupted. “Don’t. They keep each other plenty busy, don’t you all?” 

As you nodded with the rest of the guys, you wished you could thank her now for taking your mother head on like she was. She certainly was under no obligation to do so, but she had, and it was the kindest gift she could have given you, someone she barely knew. 

Your mother opened her mouth yet again, but Brian didn’t let her get a syllable out. 

“You know, we have a cat! Y/N mentioned you like cats. Squeaky is out in the garden, you ought to go meet her.” 

“That is a wonderful idea,” Chrissie agreed, bouncing up on her feet to give him a kiss before gently but steadily taking your mother by the arm and leading her out to the garden. 

As she left, the tension in the room went with her. 

“Right, so the squirrel won,” Roger said. “But back to Deacy’s questions, and I’ll echo one of them as politely as I can: what in the fuck is her problem?” 

You laughed. You couldn’t help it; you’d reached a breaking point with the oddness of it all and how horrendous you feared it might turn the longer your mother was around. “You’re asking me?” 

Roger nodded.

“If I knew, I would have found a way to do something about it by now,” you continued. “Trust me. I’d love to say she would try therapy, or something to work on herself, but she won’t. So we’ll likely never have an answer to that question. And even if we did get one, she’d find a way to make it someone else’s fault. God, I have...years of stories, that rightfully no one wants to hear, of frustration and anger over dealing with her and the hurt I’ve hung onto and-scones! Are my favorite, I just can’t help myself around them.” 

Your mother walked back in just in time for the last sentence, and smirked. “I think they can see that. Y/N has always had a bit of a tummy, but you’re working on it now, right? You always said you wanted to slim down after you started all of-” 

She made a gesture towards her own chest and crotch. “That ‘stuff.’ Be a shame to waste all the hard work those doctors put in for you, all over a few extra cookies you couldn’t say no to. And not to mention the money you paid! My goodness-” 

A car horn honked outside, and Roger darted up to look out the window. “Ah! There’s my mum with the car. Looks like she picked up the rest of the ladies first too! Right on to shopping then, how exciting!” 

You wanted to laugh, because he sounded the exact opposite of excited for shopping, but bless him, he was putting in the work to try. 

“Let’s get moving!” Chrissie had one hand on your mother’s shoulder urging her to the front door, the other taking her purse from Brian as he handed it to her. “Usual rules, boys. No fist fights, no live munitions, no setting the house on fire, no overfeeding the cat! We’ll see you all later!” 

Brian laughed and shook his head as they left, but pulled her close for just a moment to whisper something to her. 

“If you don’t mind, can I ask what you told her?” you asked. “Told her to resist the urge to kill my mum?” 

“No,” Brian said. “Just told her to call if she should need us. Maybe could have tacked that on though.” 

“Chrissie wouldn’t get caught anyway,” Roger said. “She’s a smart woman.” 

“I can’t decide if that’s reassuring or not, Rog,” Brian said with a slight frown. 

“Save you the decision, it is,” Roger replied. “Now. Y/N, you mentioned stories. Let’s hear them. The first ever Queen therapy brunch has officially begun, and we won’t even charge you.” 

You laughed, but shrugged. “Are you guys sure you want to hear all this? You don’t have to let me vent, and it’s probably not healthy to do it this way...” 

“You’re in a safe place, and we’re giving you permission to vent to us,” Brian said. “Go for it.” 

“We’ll need tea,” Freddie fretted. “What’s out here has gone cold, Brian-” 

“I’ve got it,” Brian smiled. “I’ll put some on, you all get started. If you talk loud enough, Y/N, I can hear you from the kitchen.” 

“I...I don’t know where to start,” you hesitated. “No one has ever really let me just...talk about it. I mean, looking back, there were days where she was my hero. She taught me to be kind, to love others, to treat people and animals well and with respect. She would do nice things for me, like make my favorite dinner or buy me a toy.” 

They all nodded, and it was both odd and nice to have people clearly listening and caring. 

“Then other days...she was a nightmare. I was honestly terrified of her. She never laid a hand on me, but she didn’t have to. When she got mad or frustrated or felt I’d done something wrong, and some days mind you, I couldn’t do anything right in her eyes...I’d always fear she would finally hit me. I still do, sometimes. But the yelling was enough. Some days it was just shaming and lecturing. But it always makes me feel lesser. Like I’m not human enough. Or like I’m too much to deal with to be around anyone.” 

Their soft smiles at your opening up had faded, replaced with winces and looks of horror. 

“Y/N...” Freddie said softly. “How long have you been hanging onto all this?” 

“Does it matter?” you shrugged. “She’ll never apologize for any of it. She doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong. Ask her about today, and I guarantee you, she won’t see that she did anything wrong with how she’s acted. This is how it’s always been, and probably always will be whenever she’s around. It’s so...heavy. I’ve been carrying her whenever she needed carrying, in addition to holding myself up, and my back has broken from it so many times already...but it doesn’t ever matter. I get back up, and I keep going forward, because that’s what I’ve always done.” 

“This isn’t right,” John said, an undercurrent of anger in his voice, even as he gently took a cup of tea from Brian, who was playing waiter as he handed them out. “I want to talk to her.” 

“I appreciate that,” you said quickly. “But you wouldn’t be the first. Some of my doctors tried. Stayed up late, due to the time difference, and called her all the way from Europe, while I was over here for all my transitioning things. She played along long enough to placate them, then yelled at me later saying they made her feel like a bad mother.” 

You threw up your hands. “And the worst bit? Today was a relatively tame day for her. Roger knows it, he got the brunt of a bad day with her last night.” 

Roger nodded. “Would you like to know how the rest of our conversation went last night, while you and Freddie were out getting dinner?” 

You winced. “Yes, and no?” 

“Very well,” Roger said. “I was trying to talk to her more about how much you’d enjoyed the Tate, and how happy you were here, how happy you make Freddie, how happy he makes you. Trying to get her to see things from your perspective, to help her worry less, you know?” 

“Thank you,” you said.

“Well, don’t thank me, because it didn’t work,” Roger scoffed, and grabbed another full flute to sip from. “She started going on about ‘what about her, and her feelings, and I could never understand how she feels and we don’t know you well enough to really get it all’ and I-” 

He took another sip. “I admit, I got upset on your behalf. I reminded her that you’re an adult, and you deserve to go out and live your life as you want. She claimed not to disagree with that, but then immediately did by saying she felt you needed her close by, and how could she do that with you out here.” 

“And that’s how you got to talking about your mum and how she parented you, and my mum insulting her,” you said. “Jesus. I’m sorry, Rog.” 

“Don’t be sorry, you’ve done nothing wrong!” Roger replied. “She should be sorry, but like you said...she doesn’t seem the apologizing type.” 

“I’ve never been so glad to have such a variety of scones,” you murmured. 

“Scones and tea will ease the pain,” Freddie joked. “Or at least, give you something to do besides worry about her.” 

“How could you tell?” you asked. 

“Just a feeling,” Freddie said. “And the look on your face. Like you’ve been force-fed rancid food or something. You only do that when you’re worrying yourself into a panic.” 

“I could never play poker,” you sighed, and there was a beat before they burst into laughter. 

“That is...the oddest thing to say after all of this,” John said, shaking his head. “I like it. Good on you for it, you can still laugh. That’s something you have over her, you know.” 

You nodded. “I suppose it is. Not much, but-” 

“No,” Freddie said, and took your hands in his. “Anything you have over her, is something. Is important. Is special. And you have more than you know, because you’re doing all these things she either couldn’t or wouldn’t do. You’re trying to be happy, to live life the way you want. To travel, to take risks, to do what you love doing. But she, to me, seems she will always be stuck mentally just where she is: unhappy with what she didn’t do, but unwilling to make any changes for herself, and putting the blame elsewhere.” 

There were tears at the edges of his eyes, and you sighed shakily. “Don’t you cry, I’ll start then.” 

Brian raised a hand to catch your eye, and you turned to him. “Sorry. Already on that train. My parents weren’t perfect, but...I think I need to take them out to dinner, or something, soon. Have them over for a night or something.” 

Roger and John were in similar straits, eyes red, sniffling quietly. 

You let the tears fall as Freddie pulled you close for a hug, and smiled as you watched him wipe away tears of his own after he let you go. 

“Lord. What a mess I’ve made of us,” you tutted. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry,” Brian said. “You’re a part of this weird little family, whether you like it or not.” 

Roger nodded. “Means we care about you, and whatever bullshit is getting you down, and we’re here for you. You’ll have to get used to that before the next tour starts, you know.” 

“I can try,” you said with a soft and shaky laugh. 

“That’s all we ask,” John said. “Also, that you eat some more. God, this is almost too much food.” 

“We can send everyone home with leftovers,” Brian said. “Enough that we might get away with minimal grocery buying before the tour starts. No worries about any extra going to waste while we’re gone, for once.” 

“What a mix,” Freddie laughed. “We’ve got Indian at home, now a full English breakfast...” 

“Home?” John asked, an eyebrow raised. “Rog thought you might be telling me about this soon. Should I take it you’ve decided to stay with Fred?” 

You nodded happily, the tears drying as you settled into it, the new connection and comfort you had with all of them. “I have. Let the tenants in that other flat do whatever they want. I’ve got my home.” 

“With a fridge that might run out of room,” Freddie said with a sigh. 

“We’ll figure it out,” you said. “Or eat bigger meals.” 

“How utterly domestic,” Roger smiled. “Look at you two! But I like seeing it. And so help me, if your mother tries to go back to your flat, I will-” 

The phone rang, and silence fell. 

[thejosh1980]

Update #21 – 1 week at “The Ocean Shores Resort”

Update #21 – 1 week at “The Ocean Shores Resort”

A week ago we left quarantine in Adelaide!!!

It's been another week of mixed emotions, but I have to say, for the first time in months, they've been mostly on the positive side of things.

Last Tuesday, we left the hotel without too much hassle. They'd given us a basic breakfast the night before to have first thing and they called us down early; luckily we were ready and down the stairs we went. Before you know it, we were in the hotel reception taking our masks off!

Adelaide and South Australia are COVID free, so no masks, no problems.

The checkout was quick (the big bill comes in a few weeks!!), the staff were awesome and the police informative. They all understand that quarantine is not easy on anyone, and they were patient with our questions and worries. We had won the jackpot of quarantine hotels: Pullman Adelaide and the staff helped make our stay tolerable.

Jumped in a taxi (with masks on cause we really weren't sure yet how to behave in the outside world) and off to the airport. We had to leave the hotel by 07:30, because another bus of incoming “Covicts” were coming in that morning. Our flight was at 11:50 up to Brisbane, so it was yet another waiting game to check in and fly. But first... coffee! (we actually bought a coffee from a coffee shop! Amazing!! It's the small things...).

The flight was about about 2/3's full, no masks.

Landing in Brisbane we had to do a border check, show our papers, explain where we had been and all that. The check was there to stop anyone who may have COVID from coming in without quarantining. Each State has slightly different rules, and they do change from time to time, depending on hotspots and COVID numbers. Because the flight was from Adelaide and we left the hotel directly to the airport, we made sure we had no problems entering Brisbane (Queensland). We definitely didn't want any chance of another 14 day hotel stay!!!

Our original plan was to fly into the Gold Coast airport, which is only about 35 minutes from Mum, but there were no flights on our leaving day, so we had to fly into Brisbane (which is 2 hours from Mum's). My cousin picked us up (bloody legend!). We were hungry, and we went directly to Yatala pies. This was the moment I started to realize we were almost home. The taste of home! (Yatala Pies is a well known bakery south of Brisbane, a regular stop for many).

My cousin could drive us as far as the QLD/NSW border. Once there, we walked across the border and Dave picked us up on the other side. A little complicated, but sure enough, the plan worked.

The whole experience felt like something out of the movies. Not that it was all “Hollywood”. It was more like: I can't believe this is finally happening. I wasn't really in the moment. Yet.

As we were getting close to “The Ocean Shores Resort” (which is the name we have for my Mum's house) I still didn't feel calm...

Anyhow, we arrived, and if you've seen our IG or FB Story on the day, you'd know that when I knocked on the front door, we had actually surprised Mum (a little early), and she couldn't find the front door key to let us in!! So our reunion started off with a scream and eventually a laugh!!

Mum did cry, but we all expected her to cry more... ;) Honestly, I think we both had cried too much the past 2 months, it was no longer needed. It was all about joy and happiness.

After meeting and hugging Alex (some more tears) we entered the house to find Mum had a “welcome home” sign and our picture up on the walls (lots of me and Alex, can't go wrong with that!!).

It was surreal.

A quick house tour for Alex and we settled down. Lots of chatting and catching up to do, and a roast dinner!

We'd made it.

The next morning (Wednesday), a son's work is never done and I was up early to take Mum to school. She's part of the support unit inside the primary school, working with kids with Autism.

Even though her eyesight is deteriorating, Mum can still work. Driving a car; that's out of the question. Reading the “use by date” on a packet of chips is almost impossible. Keeping an eye on children in the playground, developing their social skills or helping them with their school work (considering the text is usually quite large and the pictures bold) Mum can still do really well.

I've learnt she has figured out ways to cope with her eyes. She has a great memory, so once she's told something, she can remember it really well (like recipes for cooking etc). She's still a keen bargain hunter when it comes to shopping. I enjoy learning that she's kept her life as close to “normal” as possible, making small changes to the bigger things to keep her independence.

But it's those small things that are hard to do alone, which is why I'm here...

After dropping Mum off, Alex and I spent the morning of our first full day in Brunswick Heads. This is the town I lived in from the mid 80's until late 90's. I went to primary school here, learned to surf here, and know the old names of the shops (the hair dressers is now a surf shop, the butcher's is a cafe, the ice cream shop is a real estate agent and the bank has recently closed). Lots of changes for me, lots of new things for Alex.

We also went down to the beach, the south wall of the Brunswick River, where the river meets the ocean. We watched some waves. Taking in the salt air (I don't think I ever realized how salty the air is here until now).

It was a relaxing day.

But I still wasn't quite “here” in my head and heart. Leaving Dresden back in July, only to be delayed for 7 weeks, then another 2 weeks in quarantine, was going to take sometime to overcome.

Time to pick up Mum from school... Home... Unpack a little, dinner, chatting and a little TV.

Thursday morning, it was time for another radio interview. To finish off the 3 part story with ABC North Coast Radio I did another live interview with Joanne Shoebridge. I'm always nervous doing these kinds of things, even though in the music world, I've had to do interviews, they were never quite as personal as this.

After we dropped Mum off at school Thursday morning, we drove up to the Cape Byron Lighthouse and luckily got a park up close to the top.

I wanted to introduce Alex to the area as much as I could, without overwhelming her. Brunswick Heads, Ocean Shores, Mullumbimby and Byron Bay all played a big part of my childhood, and I wanted her to at least know these villages a little bit as early as possible. We'd covered Brunswick Heads and Ocean Shores a little, so now it was time for Byron Bay.

Bring on the whale watching!!

Within minutes of leaving the car, we could see whales jumping out and swimming around the cape. It was a wonderful morning. I'm so glad Alex got to see them (in fact I can't remember the last time I saw whales so close to the shore). They migrate each year around September/October, so it was perfect timing.

It was a special day for Alex...

The sun was shining, the whales were in plain sight and the tourists were kind enough to stay away from Byron Bay. COVID does have its benefits. Fewer people in these tourist spots isn't always bad (although I am quite aware the economy is suffering. The borders are opening up next week and it'll be very busy then).

Back into Ocean Shores, picked up Mum from school. Home... Dinner.. Chatting... Some TV...

Friday was the first day we had to do “stuff” in regards to living here permanently, and that was banking. So after dropping mum off at work, we drove into Mullumbimby “The Biggest Little Town In Australia”. I went to high school here.

Basically Brunswick Heads and Mullumbimby are like Neustadt in Dresden. You can't walk down the street without seeing someone you know, stopping and chatting. It happened in Brunz the other day, I literally parked my car, and lo and behold an old high school friend came out of the video store to say hi... Or in Mullum, as we arrive at the bank I see an old friend who used to teach me rock n roll dancing (yeah, I can still cut a rug)... and even inside the bank, I said hi to a fella from my high school year, we hadn't seen each other since 1997.

It's a small world...

The banking took a bit longer than expected, after much back and forward we settled on our new bank accounts and how to arrange things going forward. While I've had an account here since I was very very young, I cancelled most of my stuff when I left in 2002, so now it was time to set up shop again, especially since I had my wife with me and we have a future to work towards...

We walked the street of Mullum, grabbed a coffee and we let the country hippy vibe soak in. Alex commented on how many folks don't wear shoes here and she can't believe how many new coffee shops there are for her to try (there's a lot more than when I was a kid).

Picked up Mum from school... School holidays for 2 weeks! Yippeee!!

Home... Dinner... Chatting... some TV...

Over the weekend we sorted out things around the house. Set up better internet Wifi around the house, the pool is in good condition after the winter sleep, cupboards got cleaned out and we unpacked and the car was washed (first time I've hand washed a car in over a decade!).

Sunday I watched Mark's live stream (from his front porch in upstate New York) and I felt inspired (he does that to me). So I am considering live streaming next week. I have a guitar and good internet, so why not? I just have to find time to practice ;) I'm thinking net Sunday evening here, which would be Sunday lunch time in Germany. If I don't get to it this Sunday, then maybe next Sunday... I'll keep you posted.

Overall the weather has been warm, often over 20 degrees. But the mornings are still quite chilly, with frosty dew on the golf course out back. It's not bad for coming out of winter...

Today, Monday, we went “up the coast”, to Tweed Heads.

First thing we tried to exchange my German license for a mandatory NSW (State) license, unfortunately I gotta wait for some back checks, no idea what I did 19 years ago in Melbourne, but they wanna check it out. So onwards to shopping...

Yes!!! We bought a coffee machine! Finally we can wake and with a press of a button get ourselves a cup of joe. It's the small things....

Helped mum with the grocery shopping. She knows her stuff. She knows where everything is in every shop, but sometimes she just needs me to reassure her what is actually written on the box or package!!!

So that's basically our first week...

We are settling in well. Alex and Mum get on like a house on fire. I often can't get a word in edgewise and I'm always outvoted!

I still miss Germany and I still miss Europe... (I always will). I miss a lot of the “past life”, but that's just cause Australia has moved on without me these past 18 years. Each day here I get a little closer to that homey feeling I used to have as a teenager (when I didn't know better).

In hindsight, the past 3 months wasn't too bad... We survived... But that's easy to say now...

When we were in the middle of it, it was really tough.

It was really hard packing up our lives into boxes. It was emotionally draining saying goodbye after goodbye to our wonderful friends. Playing my goodbye show was one of the musical highlights of my life, even if it was one of the saddest.

Then we were ready to leave...

As you all know, that didn't go according to plan.

That's when the really bad feelings crept in. You know it's one thing to know you gotta pack up and say goodbye to leave (you are prepared for that)... It's another when you're ready and the world says “nope, not yet”... and again and again that build up and let down was happening, and until the last 2 weeks in Germany, we had no idea why!

As some of you know, I'm not really good at spontaneity. I'm not good when the plan changes... It was tough... But...

When we took control of the situation and booked new flights, it helped a lot. We were back in control.

Quarantine was a difficult time, it got a little dark there. It brought with it, it's own set of challenges and a steep learning curve. I, for one, learnt a lot about pressure. I put too much pressure on myself. Since we arrived here, I have tried my best to relax more, in my own way at least. My to do lists are shorter...

Alex and I had already figured out how to survive the German lockdown, the packing up of our lives and clearing out the apartment. Then we had 2 months at her parents stuck in “limbo” and then 2 weeks stuck in a room together. Our marriage is really new, and we survived that without any damage to our relationship. Sure, we both have a few personal scars, but nothing a little love and tenderness wont fix. I'm proud of her, Alex has a lot of patience for me!

I'm really happy I am here to help Mum each day. Those small things will slowly become bigger things, but for now, it's great to be able to do “stuff” with her. That was always the plan, to be here in time, before things got really bad.

We've been posting often on our IG and FB stories, so I hope folks have seen the day to day happenings. I'm sure we'll continue with that, keeping you up to date visually.

I think I'll end these FB journals here, and switch over to Tumblr full time. The idea being that if you'd like to continue to read these long “new life” chronicles, I'll still post a link here when I do update there... Confused? Me too! ;)

Thanks everyone for your messages of support and love. We are very lucky, we have the best friends.... You guys rock! You're awesome! We love you.

Love

Josh and @dauntlesscoffee

[pennylanefics]

Daddy’s little girl - Ben Hardy

a/n: this is way longer than i expected, again. oops. but i hope you like it!!

requested by @rogerina-taylo-r

summary: could you please do something with Ben being cute with his and the reader’s little girl? — it’s not exactly a specific moment, so i hope that’s okay!!

word count: 4,105

Your POV:

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay all day with her?” You asked Ben as you continued to get ready for the day. It was pretty early, around seven in the morning, and you were surprised Ben was awake as well. You were going to be working late, so he would have the entire day with Daisy, yours and Ben’s four year old daughter.

“I’m sure. I always watch her, we have a great time together. And she is my daughter too.”

“I know, but she’s been wanting me to be with her a lot lately. I’m not meaning to sound like you can’t watch her, I just want to make sure you know she’s going to cry for me.” You finished applying your makeup and walked back into the bedroom to slip your shoes on and grab your purse.

“We’ll be fine, I promise.”

“I have meetings all day, but I’ll try and check up on you guys in between.” You don’t know why you were so nervous, but the stress of work on top of Ben leaving for a new movie soon was not helping anything.

“Love, you need to calm down, okay?” You huffed out as you sat down on the bed next to your husband.

“I’m sorry, Ben. I’m just stressing over this project, on top of regular work, you’re leaving soon, and I just want to spend as much time with you as I can,” you finally confessed.

“(Y/N), I’m not traveling far. I’m still going to be in England, just farther away outside the city. I can come home on weekends and my off days. It’s not like I’m going back to the U.S. I won’t be gone for long, since I’m playing a minor role, I’m really only needed for two months or so.” You nodded along as he wrapped his arms around your body, pulling you back into his chest.

“I love you, Ben. I know you’ll be fine with her. I’m sorry for thinking you won’t. She’s your daughter too, I’m-”

“If you say you’re sorry, I’m not going to give you a kiss goodbye,” he cut you off, joking and quietly laughing. You chuckled and closed your eyes, calming down enough to gather your things and leave. You leaned down to face Ben as he was back to lying under the covers, and quickly pressed your lips to his.

“I don’t know when I’ll be home. Eat dinner without me, and I’ll get some food for myself on the way home, alright?” He nodded and bid you goodbye, falling back asleep for the time being. He heard you run down the stairs and rummage through things in the kitchen to fill your thermos with coffee, before leaving.

Ben’s POV:

I was happily dreaming about my beautiful wife when I was woken up by a tiny figure jumping on top of me.

“Daddy! Daddy! Wake up!” Daisy yelled, jumping up and down on the mattress, pressing down on my arm as she jumped back down.

“Alright baby. I’m awake,” I groaned out, rolling over to capture her tiny legs and make her fall next to me, softly of course. She giggled loudly and cradled my face in her small hands.

“Can I have some breakfast?” She asked sweetly.

“Of course, darling. What do you want?” I got up from my warm bed and brought her tired figure into my arms to carry her downstairs. She cuddled into my neck, still pretty sleepy, as she thought about what she wanted.

“How about some pancakes?” I asked when we reached the kitchen, knowing she loves blueberry pancakes more than anything

“Yay!” I chuckled and gathered the ingredients for the batter.

“Why don’t you watch some cartoons while I make them, alright?” She followed me into the living room where I turned on some Paw Patrol for her. She crawled under the cover that I held out for her and glued her eyes to the TV. I smiled happily at my daughter as I went back into the kitchen to make breakfast. I also made a pot of coffee for myself as I made some chocolate milk for Daisy.

“Dais, breakfast is ready!” I called out before hearing tiny footsteps running towards me. I heard a chair being pulled out from the table as Daisy sat, ready for her plate. I set the plate, which happened to be her favorite one in the world because it had Disney princesses on it, and gave her one pancake for now. I helped her pour some syrup over it and got my own serving.

Once I sat down and started eating, she started telling me what she wanted to do today.

“And we’re going to go to shopping for some toys, and probably buy something for uncle Gil and uncle Joe and uncle Fweddie,” I laughed lightly as she tried to pronounce Gwil’s name, and referred to Rami as Freddie.

“Okay. How about after we eat breakfast and watch some TV for a little, we can go shopping for some toys, and I’ll help you pick something out for uncle Gwil.” She nodded happily as she continued eating her pancakes.

Once she was done, and I knew she ate enough, she ran back into the living room while I cleaned up the kitchen.

“Daddy! Come watch Spongebob with me!” I heard Daisy yell from her spot on the couch. I finished washing the dishes and walked into the living room, plopping right next to her. She immediately cuddled into my side, resting a hand on my stomach in doing so.

While we were watching it, she would occasionally explain to me what was going on, just in case I didn’t know. I just nodded along, sometimes agreeing with her opinion on something. For four years old, she was pretty smart.

“Okay, why don’t we get ready to go shopping?” I asked once the episode we were watching ended. I saw it was already eleven, so I thought it was a good time to leave the house for a while. She got up, pushing against my body to help, as she ran off to her room. I followed behind her to make sure she was getting dressed properly. When I walked in, she was already pulling clothes out of her small dresser. She chose her favorite shirt and a pair of small leggings that she loves; it was only right for a day about her.

She was able to get her shoes on by herself so I resorted to tying her hair up. (Y/N) is the one who taught me how to perfectly tie a ponytail, so it was easy when she was sitting still.

“Alright. You want to go watch Spongebob for a little while I get ready to go?” She nodded and ran off downstairs while I went back to mine and (Y/N)’s bedroom and quickly got dressed. Once I was ready, I grabbed my wallet and phone and headed downstairs.

“You ready, princess?” I excitedly yelled out. I turned the TV off and grabbed my keys. She ran out the door and towards my car, waiting for me to help her. I quickly locked the door and ran to her, opening the door as she climbed in. After buckling her in her car seat, I ran around to the driver’s seat and started the car.

I drove into the city to her favorite toy store that was in a shopping mall. I parked once we arrived and helped Daisy out.

“Alright, Daisy. Let’s get you a few toys, then we can go a different store to pick something out for uncle Gwil.” She jumped up and down, holding my hand as we walked through the parking lot.

I ended up buying her a few more things than I had planned. I bought her about three new Barbies, a Paw Patrol stuffed animal, and a couple more things she really seemed to like.

We walked out, the bag in one of my hands and Daisy’s hand in my other as I walked into a random store.

“Can we buy him some Queen stuff?” I heard Daisy ask.

“Of course. Let’s get him a few things then.” I picked up a shirt right in front that had the Queen logo on it. She jumped up and smiled widely.

“Can I get one just like it? And can you get one for mummy? And you get one too?” I laughed loudly as she continued to add on to what she wanted.

“Okay. I’ll get us matching shirts, alright?” She nodded and stood next to me while I looked for all of our sizes. I grabbed a large for Gwil and I, getting (Y/N)’s size, and got an extra small for Daisy; it still would be big on her, but it doesn’t matter.

“I think this is good, don’t you think?” I asked Daisy as I held the six shirts in my hand, of course having to get two more for Rami and Joe.

We checked out after looking around the store just for fun, ending up buying a few random things that Daisy wanted for herself, or for (Y/N), or for Gwilym. She wouldn’t admit it, but Gwil was her favorite uncle.

“Alright, let’s get home for some lunch. What do you want to eat?” She was now buckled up as I sat in the car, waiting to pull out of the spot I am parked in.

“Ummm, grilled cheese with tomato soup!” I nodded while I drove out of the parking lot and back home.

“Daddy, who’s here?” Daisy asked when we pulled into the driveway, seeing a car parked in front of our house.

“I’m not sure, baby. Let’s get inside and see.” I knew who it was. It was Gwilym. I texted him saying Daisy couldn’t stop talking about him, and he was more than happy to hang out with us for a while. Although after Daisy ate, she was going to have to take a nap.

“Is it mummy?” She wondered, wanting to see her mum, as she was asleep when (Y/N) left.

“No. Mummy’s still at work. But maybe we can call her and see if she’s at lunch.” She smiled and got out of her car seat after I unbuckled her. She ran inside while I grabbed the bags that were in the trunk.

“Uncle Gil!”

“Daisy!” I laughed softly as she saw who was here. She loved her uncles, and I’m glad they make an effort to see her whenever they can.

“Daddy! Uncle Gil’s here!”

“I see, baby! Are you happy?”

“Yeah!” She giggled, cuddling into the tall man as he held her in his arms. I plucked my phone from my pocket and clicked on my wife’s contact to FaceTime. She picked up immediately and smiled sweetly as she saw my face pop up.

“Hi babe! How’s your day with Daisy going?” She shoved a forkful of salad into her mouth, and I realized she was having her lunch in her office.

“It’s good. I made her some blueberry pancakes for breakfast, then we went shopping. She got a few new toys and a new shirt. And now, Gwilym’s here because she hasn’t stopped talking about him today, so he’s visiting for a little. I’m just getting ready to make her some lunch, but she wanted to talk to you.” (Y/N) nodded as I handed the phone to our daughter.

“Mummy! I miss you, when are you coming home?” I heard her asked sadly, now sitting next to Gwil on the couch.

I left them to start her lunch, retrieving a can of tomato soup to start and grabbing the ingredients for the sandwich.

After I toasted the sandwich in a pan, I placed it on a plate and waited for the soup to heat up, before pouring some into a bowl.

“Dais! Food’s ready, baby.” She came running in, my phone still in her hands, still talking to (Y/N). I walked over to the table with her plate and grabbed the phone from her to rest it against the bowl that was sat in the middle of the table, full of fruit. That way, it was easier for her to eat and talk to her mum.

“Are you having a good day with daddy, Dais?” I heard (Y/N) ask. Daisy nodded her head a lot, chewing her sandwich at the same time.

“We went shopping and I got some new toys and we got uncle Gil, uncle Joe, and uncle Rami matching shirts. And we also got the same matching shirts for me and you and daddy!” I already told (Y/N) about the shopping, but she seemed happy to talk about it.

I started making myself a grilled cheese as well, as Daisy continued to talk.

“Okay, baby. I have to get back to work in a little. Can I talk to daddy?” I walked over and picked up the phone to face my wife again.

“Hi love. You going back to work?”

“Yeah. I’ll probably be home at around eight. I hate to stay so late, but this project is taking forever. I’m getting paid overtime to stay, so that’s a positive I guess,” she laughed, throwing her trash away while doing so.

“It’s alright, darling. I’ll have some Chinese food for you when you get home. Does that sound good?” She sighed happily and nodded, smiling at me.

“I’d love that, Ben. Thank you. I shouldn’t be stressed out for too much longer, this is almost done, and once it is, I’ll be much better.”

“You’re fine, (Y/N). I understand, and I don’t mind one bit.”

“Okay, I have to get back. I love you and I’ll see you when I get home. Tell Daisy that I love her and goodnight?”

“Of course, babe. I love you too, hun.” She hung up quick and I locked my phone, seeing Daisy finished her sandwich and soup.

“You done, baby girl?”

“Yeah. Can I go sit with uncle Gil now?”

“You need to take a nap for a couple hours. Uncle Gwil can stay and he’ll see you when you wake up, alright?” She surprisingly didn’t fuss, but instead let out a yawn and rubbed her eyes. I picked her up as she cuddled into my neck, almost falling asleep on the spot. I walked her into the living room so she could say goodnight to Gwilym, and took her up to her room after.

I set her on her bed and covered her with the pink comforter.

“Goodnight, baby. I love you. Mummy says goodnight, and she loves you as well.”

“I love you too, daddy.” She closed her eyes as I pressed a kiss to her forehead, brushing some hair out of the way. I turned the light off and shut the door slowly as to not make much noise, and went back downstairs to chat with Gwilym.

“Did she really get all of us matching shirts?” He asked as he examined the pile of similar shirts.

“Yeah. She wanted to buy something for just you, then it turned into her wanting the same shirt, then the same for (Y/N) and I. And she eventually wanted to get Joe and Rami the same, so I ended up buying six of the same shirts for all of us.”

“That’s hilarious.”

Gwilym and I continued talking and even watched a movie while my daughter took a nap.

A couple hours later, Gwilym had fallen asleep, but I stayed awake, scrolling through my phone. It was around four when Daisy had walked down the stairs quietly. If it wasn’t for her sleep-filled voice, I wouldn’t have known she had woken up.

“Daddy?” She called out. I locked my phone and turned towards the stairs, where she stood with her favorite blanket.

“Hi baby. I see you’re awake.” I got up to bring her into my arms. Again, as she did before she took a nap, she nuzzled her face in my shoulder, her body feeling heavy as she was still a little tired.

“Uncle Gwil is still here,” I told her, sitting down on the couch with her in my arms. She laid against my chest as she glanced towards the man sitting next to me. She crawled away from my lap and into Gwil’s, cuddling into him this time. He wrapped his arms around her and snuggled close.

“Hi, love. I missed you when you took a nap,” he said. She was too tired to say anything, but she did let out a yawn and smiled after.

After about ten minutes, she was up and more energetic, playing tea party with Gwilym, who was wearing a crown and a pink cape. I, however, wasn’t invited, for some reason. I didn’t mind, really, it gave her time to spend with her uncle, and it gave me time to admire their close relationship.

Gwilym left at around five, when I was making dinner for Daisy and I. He happily took his shirt with him and told Daisy he would wear it the next time he saw her.

I was making a frozen pizza for us, knowing that was Daisy’s favorite dinner. She is my daughter after all, she has to love pizza.

“Where’s mummy?” She asked when I was cutting up her pizza for her. I sighed softly and started to explain.

“Mummy has to work late. She won’t get home until after you go to bed. I’m sorry, baby. She feels bad, but she has to finish something at work, and it takes a long time.” She nodded sadly and stared down at her food. I pulled her chair out a little and bent down to be face to face with her.

“Daisy, look at me. She loves you so much. She wants to be here, but she can’t. I know you miss her, baby. I do, too. But she has to work to make money so we can live here, and buy you food and clothes, and make sure you’re happy.” She nodded and looked up at me from her lap. She leaned forward to wrap her arms around my neck, gently playing with my hair; she does this to calm down or cheer up when she’s sad. Just like her mum.

“This might go on for a couple days because something important came up. I’m not sure what time she’ll be home every day, but we still have weekends with her, okay? I love you, and mummy loves you. Everything will be back to normal soon, okay?” I felt her nod so I pulled back to give her a quick kiss to her cheek.

“Now let’s eat some pizza then watch a movie. You want to watch Bohemian Rhapsody?” She nodded happily, a big smile now on her face as she started eating her dinner.

After we both finished, we made ourselves comfortable on the couch, Daisy with the stuffed animal she always sleeps with and her favorite blanket. She was now in her pajamas, as she would soon need to go to sleep. She was cuddled into my side as she watched the movie. She’s obviously seen it many times before, and she knew many Queen songs, due to (Y/N) and I constantly listening to them in the car.

Two hours later, the movie ended, and Daisy was now asleep. I ordered (Y/N)’s favorite food from the Chinese restaurant we love, and waited for him to show up. I put on The Office just to watch, seeing as I wasn’t moving for a while; I didn’t want to wake Daisy. About half an hour later, the delivery man was at the door, a bag of food in his hands. I quickly paid and took the bag from him, setting it on the counter for when (Y/N) gets home.

I sat back on the couch, pulling Daisy against me again, making sure she didn’t wake up. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember was my wife sitting next to me.

Your POV:

You were exhausted, to say the least. Today was so grueling, you had meeting after meeting after meeting just before lunch, and spend the rest of the day working on the project your team was assigned.

You finally walked through the door at eight, kicking off your shoes and quietly setting your purse on the small table next to the door. You were about to call out for Ben when you noticed the silhouette of his head on the couch. You smiled softly and walked around to the front of the couch, a huge smile breaking out onto your face.

Ben laid with his feet up on the table, scrunched down some to be more comfortable. Daisy was cuddled up into his side, his left arm wrapped securely around her, her arms wrapped around her favorite stuffed animal. You slowly sat down next to Ben, running your hand through his tousled hair. He jumped awake, obviously startled by the sudden touch. He turned to see you sat next to him, softly smiling as he realized you were finally home. That smile dropped as he saw how exhausted you were.

“Hi, Ben. How long have you two been like this?” You asked quietly, still threading your fingers in his hair.

“A hour or so, I think. She fell asleep at around seven, after we watched Bohemian Rhapsody, of course.” You nodded and switched your hand to push some hair out of Daisy’s face. You stood to pick her up from Ben’s side to take her to her room.

“Mummy?” She stirred in your arms, realizing who was holding her.

“Yeah, baby. I’m home, but you need to go back to sleep alright? Tomorrow is the weekend, so I have two whole days to spend with you and daddy, okay?” You felt her nod as she rested her head on your shoulder, trying to fall asleep. You gently set her in her bed, pressing a kiss to her forehead, whispering an ‘I love you’ as she was already back asleep. You left the room and walked down to the kitchen to enjoy the food Ben had ordered for you.

After you were finished, you ate pretty quick due to just wanting to lay down in bed, you walked back upstairs, practically dragging your feet, and walked straight into the bathroom.

Ben’s POV:

I heard (Y/N) walk into our room, where I had just moved to from the couch, and step into the bathroom. I closed my eyes as I waited for her to come to bed, to finally have her in my arms since seven this morning.

She took a little while longer than usual, but that’s because she decided to take a quick shower. She usually takes showers in the morning, but since she was running late and rushing today, she didn’t have time. She came out about twenty minutes later, clad in a shirt of mine and no pants.

“Ben?” She asked quietly, sitting on the bed next to where I was laying.

“Yeah, love?”

“I’m pregnant.” My eyes immediately opened, wide with shock and wonder.

“What?” She held up a tiny stick with a tiny window that said, ‘pregnant.’ I sat up, taking the stick from her and staring at it.

“You are? Oh my gosh,” I was speechless. We hadn’t been trying, but there was a night where Gwilym and Joe watched Daisy so (Y/N) and I could have a night together, and well, it led to more.

“I can’t believe this! This is amazing!” I pulled her body into mine, and she eventually climbed on top of my lap, her legs around my waist, arms around my shoulders.

“I hope it’s a boy,” I said, pulling back to rest my hand on her stomach, where her future bump would be. She giggled lightly and shook her head.

“How are we going to tell Daisy?” She questioned, cupping my face in her hands as she wiped away some tears that had fallen.

“We’ll think about it later. For now, let’s just cherish this moment, because in nine months, our hands are going to be full.” I pulled her in for a passionate kiss, so overjoyed that I’m married to the most beautiful woman in the world, and that she has now given me not only one, but two children.

“I love you,” I whispered against her lips.

“I love you, too. Forever.”

tags: @thewinchesterchronicles

[1dffchallenges]

Not a Throwback

Written By: @fireawaynjh​

Characters: Sophie Kemper (OFC)/Niall Horan

Summary: Parenting is hard, anyone will tell you. But being a single parent is even harder. Niall loves his son more than the world and he would do anything to make him happy. But he soon discovers the sacrifices he will have to make. Dating his son’s teacher isn’t always the easiest. But can he make it work? Or will he have to sacrifice his own happiness this time?

Author’s note: pls excuse my terrible graphics also I changed my banner because i like to think I got better at photoshop; i did not

Warnings: mentions of drugs, alcohol, mild swearing

2012

Niall closed his laptop as the text from his girlfriend popped into the corner. He walked down the stairs to let her in with his usual smile. The smile faded upon seeing her dismayed look.

“Something wrong love?” he asked, stepping aside to let her in. Her arms sat folded across her chest as she walked in quickly. Niall grew increasingly more worried with every second she stayed silent.

“Babe what’s-”

“I’m pregnant.”

Niall stood in shock for a moment. His mind immediately thought about the fact that in a month he was supposed to leave for uni. He couldn’t work and study and be a father, that would be insane. He could see in her eyes that she was just as worried as he was. With a soft sigh he opened his arms and drew her close to him.

“How do you feel?” he asked as she pressed her nose to his chest. He could feel her shoulders shrug up.

“Alright I guess. I know I want to keep it.” Trying to keep the shock off his face, Niall nodded. She’d never wanted children before. It surprised him that she’d want to keep it.

“How long have you known?” he asked.

“Three days,” she whispered. He nodded gently as he rubbed soothing circles over her back.

“You have my support no matter what Carls,” he assured her. He felt guilty for secretly hoping she wouldn’t keep it. He wasn’t ready to be a father and she never wanted to be a mother. It was stupid of them to think that this was a good idea. Of course Niall would never say any of that to her. He meant it when he said he’d support her. He loved her, he knew that for sure, and if she were to keep this baby, he knew he’d love it too.

The months went by and in early March of the next year the couple welcomed their son Killian. Niall found a job working at the tech shop, selling smartphones and tablets while he attended his first year of Uni. He switched his studies from music theory to applied business and began putting money away so he could support his new family.

The nine months had been hard and they’d battled their fair share of arguments. But Niall truthfully was happier than he ever could have imagined. He didn’t know why Carlie was so worried about having kids, already she was an incredible mum. He’d soon find that he didn’t know her well at all.

2017

Niall gripped the edge of the podium, refraining from chewing at his nails, as he stood in front of the judge.

“Mr. Horan you had no idea about the drugs?”

“No Your Honor.” he stated plainly. The past two months had been a haze. Carlie, his now fiance had been arrested for using and selling heroin as well as selling every other drug under the sun.

“You didn’t notice the change in your fiance?”

“I did Your Honor, I thought it was her new job and stress from taking care of a toddler.” She had lost her job a year earlier, the store she worked in went out of business. She told Niall she’d found a new one, in reality she’d started selling drugs for his best mate.

“And where were you during the days if she was the only one watching your son?”

“Working Your Honor, or at Uni. Our arrangement was I would work and get my degree so I could support the family better.” The judge nodded.

“Well Mr. Horan, Miss Aldon attests that your son was never around the contraband and that you played no part. I’ll review your testimony and we will resume next week with a verdict of custody.” He smacked the gavel on the podium, the crack echoing through the room. Niall sighed as he gathered his belongings and walked out of the courtroom.

“Mr. Horan!” Niall turned as he walked out the doors to see the lawyer Carlie had hired approaching him. Niall turned to him and raised a brow. “Miss Aldon is allowed visitors now. She would like to see you.”

“Does she now?” he snapped coldly. He knew he was just the messenger but he still resented the guy for representing Carlie at all.

“I’m sorry Mr. Horan, for everything this has put you through.” Niall thanked him before walking to the elevator and heading to his car. The jail wasn’t far from the courthouse, Niall knew he should get this over with.

Carlie looked exhausted as she sat on the other side of the glass. But it looked like exhaustion from worry about herself. It was different than the exhaustion he’d seen rising in her since Killian was born. He knew she was relieved to be away from the responsibility and that sparked the anger in him further. He gripped the phone and scowled as he held it to his ear.

“Niall I’m so sorry-”

“Shut the fuck up Carlie no you’re not.” he growled. She flinched. He’d never spoken to her with anything less than respect. Even through fights she could always tell that he loved her and that he respected her. Now she wasn’t sure what he felt.

“Niall I never wanted this to happen,” she insisted.

“I believe that, I know you didn’t want to get caught. Why in the hell did you even start the drugs if you didn't want to get caught?”

“Niall it was a moment of weakness. I’d just lost my job, no one would hire me only three days a week.. I was desperate, I went to the pub and Alec was there. He listened.. He understood how I felt.” Carlie sighed and shook her head. Niall knew by the fondness in her voice that it was more than just drugs with Alec.

“You fucking slept with him.. You fucking slept with my best mate.” Niall let out an exasperated laugh. “Unbelievable. I fucking propose to you and what do you do? You turn around and sleep with my best mate and start dealing.”

“I didn’t think it would go this far-”

“Of course you didn’t think! If you fucking thought about it you wouldnt have done any of it and we wouldn’t fucking be here right now!” Other visitors were beginning to stare at the arguing couple.

“Stop yelling at me!” Tears began to fall down her cheeks.

“Stop yelling?!” Niall laughed again. “I could fucking lose Killian because this shit and you want me to stop yelling at you?!” Carlie’s jaw dropped. “Oh so you do care about him.”

“What? Of course I care about our son Niall.” She looked hurt at the accusation.

“But you didn’t want to parent him right? That’s why you kept taking the drugs, so you wouldn’t have to feel the stress of a toddler?” She scrambled for an excuse and Niall knew that look too well. She hated to be called out on her shit and she always fumbled for excuses. “Yeah I fucking thought so. So thanks for everything Carlie.” He moved to hang up the phone but she stopped him.

“Niall wait! You’re right okay? It was too much, but I love Killian and I’m so sorry I’ve done this to you. If you see him will you please tell him I love him?”

“Goodbye Carlie.” Niall hung up the phone and walked back out the door. His heart ached as he got back in his car. All he wanted right now was to hold his son. Fear of losing him only worsened the ache and he thought about going to his mother’s house to see him but the social worker warned that it was best for his case that he not see Killian until the verdict was given. Instead he drove to the pub, in desperate need of a drink.

He ordered his double vodka soda and stared at the carbonated bubbles rising in the glass.

“Tough day mate?”

Niall set his jaw, not looking away from the glass. “Get the fuck out of here Alec before I beat the shit out of you.”

“Niall mate-” Niall turned to look at him.

“Don’t you try to explain yourself to me. I was gonna ask you to be me best man y’know that?” Alec swallowed hard, his adam’s apple bobbing. Niall wanted nothing more than to punch it right now. “I don’t want to speak to you again, please go.” Alec didn’t argue and turned to walk out the door. Niall tossed back the entire drink and set the glass back down.

“Another please.”

2025

“Killian mate it’s time to get up!” Niall called from the opposite end of the apartment. The 12 year old groaned and shoved his head further into the pillow.

“Oi! I know you’re not up yet! C’mon i’ve pressed your uniform so you could sleep more now y’gotta get up so we can go.” Niall called again. Killian threw back the covers in annoyance and got up off the bed.

“I’m standin Da!”

“Good lad.” Niall finished wrapping the ham sandwich he’d thrown together, one for Killian and one for himself, putting Killian’s into the paper bag with a packet of crisps and some biscuits for his lunch. He put back the bread and mayo as his son came down the stairs in his uniform. The spoon Niall had laid next to a full cereal bowl quickly made its way to Killian’s mouth as he shoveled coco pops down.

“How’d y’sleep mate?” Niall asked as he poured coffee into his thermos. Killian shrugged and kept shoveling food into his mouth. Niall nodded knowing that was all he was going to get out of his son this early, finishing up his coffee before screwing on the lid and handing the brown lunch bag to Killian.

“Y’got your list of classes for today?” Niall asked. Killian rinsed out his bowl in the sink and nodded.

“It’s in me sack Da’ stop naggin me”

“I’m just checkin, not gonna be able to bring y’stuff if you forget this year.” Niall had just gotten a promotion at the firm he worked for. Before he’d worked from home settling all the accounts for the company but now he was on site working with the payroll side of the company. The pay was much better, even if the hours were complicated.

With in a few minutes Killian managed to finish off his breakfast and the two headed out to the car. Niall quickly pulled out of the drive and made his way down the street.

“Right what’s your plan for after school? Are you gonna go to Nan’s or what?” Niall asked.

Killian shrugged. “Dunno, James might be havin a few of us over or somethin.”

Niall nodded. “Just text me what time and where I need to pick you up yeah?” Killian nodded and the drive continued in silence. Niall pulled up out front of the school and Killian hopped out.

“Thanks Da! See you tonight.” Niall waved as his son jogged up the front steps. He couldn’t believe he was already a year eight. The time was flying by and Niall wasn’t sure how to feel.

The weeks continued with the same routine. Breakfast, work and school, home for dinner and whatever sporting match was on that night. On the Thursday of the fourth week Niall sat in the kitchen, looking at his calendar while he ate his breakfast. That night was parent teacher information night. He hadn’t called for a sitter and he wasn’t sure what he should do. Did Killian even need a sitter? He could always ask his mum to watch him. He glanced up at Killian as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl for some cereal.

“Y’alright?” Niall asked. Killian nodded as he poured the milk. “I’ve got your teacher night thing, d’you want to stay here or go to Nan’s?” Niall figured giving him the choice might help his decision process. Killian had never stayed on his own, but it was only a few hours and he was definitely old enough to take care of himself.

“Don’t matter to me,” Killian shrugged. Niall nodded.

“Right then I’ll just let Nan know you’ll be here and you can call her if y’need anything.” Killian nodded again and sat down to eat.

That night Niall anxiously searched for his keys while Killian finished his homework.

“Da I’ll be fine, the pizza is coming, you left me money just go.” It amazed him how perceptive he’d become. Niall nodded to his son and grabbed his keys off the table where they had been sitting in plain sight.

“Alright, alright. Call your nan if y’need anythin.” Niall grabbed his coat and darted out of the small apartment. He arrived at the school 20 minutes early but after an incident getting lost last year he knew he should allow for extra time. Fortunately, Killian’s registration room was across the hall from the room he had in year seven and Niall had no troubles finding it. He gingerly pushed the door open, not sure if anyone was in there, and a small brunette popped her head up. 

“Oh hello! Are you hear for parent night?” she asked, rising from her chair. Niall was surprised to see such a young woman seated at the front of the room. She couldn’t have been more the 26. As he nodded she walked around to the front of the desk with a bright smile, her dark hair bouncing softly as she stepped. Niall wasn’t used to seeing such a vibrant teacher, let alone a beautiful one. He returned her smile as he stepped forward as well. 

“I’m Niall, I’m sorry I’m a bit early, last year I got turned around.” A bashful chuckle pushed past his lips and he glanced at the ground shyly. 

“That’s quite alright. I’m Sophie Kemper. I’m guessing you’re Killian’s dad?” Niall raised a brow, worrying about how she was so familiar with his son already. “He looks just like you.” He let out a breathy chuckle as she explained. 

“Yeah we do get that a lot, I hope he isn’t given y’trouble in class,” he replied easily, folding his arms over his chest anxiously. He hadn’t spoken to a woman his age in a decade. Not one he wasn’t related to at least. He wasn’t sure what to do. 

“Oh no he’s great,” she smiled. “He’s a really lovely kid.” Sophie couldn’t deny the fluttering in the pit of her stomach as she spoke to Niall. He was much younger than the other dads she was used to talking to and he was far more attractive. She tucked her hair back shyly as she looked over at him. “Is anyone else joining you tonight?” She felt another flutter as Niall shook his head. 

“No, it’s just me.” Niall wondered if she was asking because she was the teacher or if she might possibly fancy him. “His uh.. his mum isn’t involved.” 

“I see well you’ve done a lovely job raising him, he’s truly a gem.” Niall smiled proudly at her compliment, figuring she was asking as the teacher. Niall was about to ask her another question when more parents walked in. Sophie walked up to them and shook their hands, introducing herself as Miss Kemper. Niall didn’t miss that part. Had he just caught her off guard and she forgot that she was a teacher? Or had she done it on purpose? He was pulled from his mental debate as one of the dads walked over to him. 

“Niall mate! Y’alright?” he smiled shaking Niall’s hand. His son and Killian were mates and he’s been more than welcoming to Niall. 

“Yeah doin’ well, yourself?” Niall replied. 

“Bloody brilliant mate, got all four kids in school full time now.” 

“Bet the missus is lovin that.” The two men smirked at each other. 

“That she is… speakin of, have you caught a look at Miss Kemper? Bloody well fit she is.” 

Niall chuckled. “Yeah she’s lovely, had a bit of a chat when I got here.” 

“Oi oi! Good on y’mate, get on that.” 

“She’s our kids teacher mate that’s fuckin’ weird,” Niall laughed. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake its only registration, go after ‘er mate she’s the fittest bird in this town.”

Niall was grateful for Sophie calling for all the parents to sit. He wasn’t wrong, Sophie was definitely the most beautiful woman he’d seen around the town. But she was his son’s teacher and that added all sorts of complications. Sophie gave a great presentation about how she would help the students be successful. It was clear she loved teaching and she was passionate about her students. Niall loved that about her.

He made his way to all the other classes before heading to the caf for the final discussion of the night. As usual the headmaster explains how parent volunteering works and why it’s so important for the kids. He knew the drill, sign up for the least time committing one before all the other parents get there. He grabbed a cup of coffee and wandered up and down the stalls of sign up sheets. He walked past a bright red poster advertising the pasta feed auction. He could help with that. It was coming up in a few months and he wouldn’t have to help much. 

“You helping with the auction then?” Niall jumped as he heard Sophie’s voice. 

“Oh um.. yeah I figured that would mostly be nights right?” Sophie nodded. 

“Yeah, I’m on the committee for it too, thought maybe my marketing degree my come in handy for once.” She giggled as Niall finished signing his name. 

“Y’studied marketing then? How’d you get into teaching?” 

She shrugged. “None of the big firms were hiring so I got my teaching certification.” Niall nodded. 

“Well that’s brilliant. If y’need any help with it let me know.” Sophie smiled and nodded shyly. “I um.. I was going to grab another coffee, do you want one?” he offered. She nodded and the two headed to the refreshment table. Niall Poured a cup for both of them, Sophie adding both cream and sugar to hers. A grimace flashed across her lips as she took the first sip. 

“I can’t believe I thought they’d actually get good coffee for this.” She shook her head but continued to drink in the caffeine. 

“Honestly, they could have at least gotten a Costa or something,” Niall agreed. 

“Exactly! Maybe sometime we could just go get a Costa.” She quickly realized what she’d just said. “Or not whatever, that’s probably weird-“

“No I’d love to, maybe next week?” Niall smiled as he pulled out his phone. “Put in your mobile and we can set something up?” Sophie beamed and took the device, quickly typing in her number. 

Niall returned home with the biggest smile. Killian was still awake not to his surprise. 

“Oi, y’didn’t tell me about all the ruckus you’ve causin at school.” 

Killian rolled his eyes at his dad’s joke knowing that he was just joking. He clicked off the iPad and turned to his dad.

“Can we watch the football?” 

“Yeah course we can mate, why d’y’think I’m here and not down the pub with Uncle Willie?” 

“Cause Uncle Willie never invites y’anywhere.” 

Niall chuckled. The kid had wit about him that was for sure. He sat down on the sofa and draped his arm over the back of it, clicking over to sky sports. Normally he watched every second of the match but tonight all he could think about was how heavy his phone felt in his pocket. He knew he was mere sentences away from getting to go out with a girl he fancied, he just had to grab the device and text her. But he thought about Killian. He had never dated since he was born, he didn’t know how Killian would react. But if he kept it to himself then it wouldn’t have to be an issue yet. 

Once he was all tucked away into bed Niall hastily reached for his phone. He pulled up Sophie’s contact and quickly typed the message he’d been formulating for the last hour. 

Hey it’s Niall… thought maybe next Saturday we could go for that Costa ?

He tapped his foot nervously as he stood in the kitchen, awaiting the response. In a minute nothing had come through and his anxiety was rising. With a sigh he tossed down the phone and walked to the fridge to grab himself a beer. The standard chime sent him diving for the device and scrolling to read the message. 

Yeah that’s perfect, meet at 10 ? 

Yeah that’s perfect see you then ! 

He breathed out a sigh of relief as he set down his phone again and took a long sip of his beer. 

That Saturday came faster than he expected and with Killian staying at a friend’s house for the weekend he had the whole apartment to absorb his nerves. He tossed on about ten different shirts before settling on a black polo and some grey slacks. He knew he was a tad overdressed but he’d rather look nice for Sophie. 

Once he arrived he got in the queue and looked around for Sophie. He was four minutes early, hoping that she arrived soon so he wouldn’t be awkwardly waiting for her. AS he took a step forward in line the door behind him opened and he turned to see who was there. He smiled as Sophie stepped through the door in a beautiful green dress that Niall couldn’t take his eyes off. He stepped toward her and gave her a polite hug and a kiss on the cheek. 

“Hiya love how are ya?” he greeted easily. 

“I’m good! I’m glad we get to do this.” Her smile was radiant, and Niall couldn’t stop himself from smiling more. They stood together as the line moved forward and as they reached the till Niall looked over at her. 

“What would you like?” he asked with a smile. 

“I’ll take a latte please,” Sophie smiled. She reached for her purse but Niall shook his head, ordering himself a latte before paying for both drinks. 

“Thank you for buying,” she smiled. Niall shrugged easily. 

“S’nothin, so how was your week? School not drivin y’mad?”

“No it never does, not yet at least.” 

“How long have you been teaching?” 

“This is my third year.” She smiled up at him as the barista handed over their drinks. “What do you do?”

“Nothin exciting really, I’m in the pay roll side of accounting at a firm down town.” 

“Well that’s interesting,” she giggled. Niall chuckled knowing full well she just wanted to be polite. 

“We both know it’s not.”

Sophie smiled kindly. “So what do you want to be doing?” 

“I wanted to do music, I was set in a program at Uni for music technology but when I found out Killian was on the way I had to do something more practical y’know?” Sophie nodded. 

“Do you play instruments?”

“Piano and guitar mostly,” Niall replied easily. 

“My mum would have loved for me to be a musician, she had me in cello lessons as a kid but I was honestly horrible at it.” Niall laughed happily. 

“I doubt you were horrible.” 

“No I was, y’know in the films when the kid gets their first violin and it sounds like a dying animal?” Niall laughed harder knowing that she played like that. 

“I’ll have to tech ya something easier and less horrible sounding,” he chuckled. Sophie flushed at the implication of further dates in the future. 

“I’d like that,” she smiled. They spent the rest of the morning chatting about jobs and getting to know each other. Niall desperately wanted to kiss her as they walked back to her car, but the moment didn’t feel right, so he simply hugged her and walked to his own car. 

Killian texted as Niall pulled into the apartment parking lot, saying he was headed home. He had just kicked off his shoes and tossed down his keys when he heard Killian bounding up the stairs, having walked across the complex from his friend’s house. Niall walked into the kitchen to grab some water as the door opened. 

“Hey mate how was it?” he asked, sipping the water easily. 

“Good, Collin has the new xbox.” 

“Sick, did y’like it?” Killian nodded and grabbed juice from the fridge. 

“Yeah it was cool, why are y’dressed up?” 

“What?” Niall frowned as he set the water glass down.

“‘Y’never wear your work clothes on Saturday and y’ve got on the good cologne.” 

Niall shrugged. “I met a friend for a coffee, that a problem?” 

Killian sipped his juice. “Was it a date?” Niall mentally cursed the child’s intuition. 

“So what if it was?” He cocked one brow testing to see how he handled the news. 

“That’s weird da you’re too old to date.” 

“Oi I’m younger than any of the other parents thank y’very much.” 

“It’s not a mum from the school is it? I don’t want a sibling.” Killian continued. Niall shook his head with a chuckle. 

“It’s not another mum mate, and it wasn’t really a date it was just a coffee.” 

“What’s her name?”

“Sophie.” Niall folded his arms and leaned back against the counter. 

“Are you gonna see her again?” Killian looked up with a tint of anxiety in his eyes. Niall knew the look well, he got like this any time there was a doctor’s appointment that could involve a vaccine or blood test.

“I was thinking about it… but if it bothers you that I date I don’t have to ask her out again.” 

Killian shrugged and put his empty juice cup into the sink. “I guess it would be alright.” Niall could tell he was on the fence. 

“Mate we talked about this, you can talk about how y’really feel I’m not gonna be mad.” Killian nodded but didn’t offer up any further discussion. “Let’s go sit yeah? Have a little chat.” The pair made their way to the sofa and sat down next to each other. 

“What’s on your mind then mate?”

“I just don’t know why you’re dating… you always said you loved mum.” He looked down at his lap. “I just thought you two would work it out one day and she could come home.” Niall’s heart ached at the confession. He’d kept the real reason why Carlie left a secret, wanting to wait until he was old enough to understand what had happened. 

“It’s not that simple mate I-“ 

“But why not? Why can’t you fix things with her?” 

“Because…” Niall was at a loss for words. Should he tell him? Should he lie? Should he tell him because he said so? He took a deep breath. “Mate y’have to understand there are circumstances to why she can’t come back. I do love your mum but she can’t come home.” He took another deep breath. “If you want the details I will tell you but it’s not something simple like a disagreement. And I don’t want to scare you.” 

“I’m 13 da I can handle it.” Niall smiled softly and wrapped an arm around him. 

“I know you can,” Niall pressed a soft protective kiss to the top of his head, mentally preparing himself. “You know that your mum and I were eighteen when you were born. We were so excited to bring you home and to have you in our little family. I finished Uni and worked while your mum took care of you at home. As you got older she’d leave you with nan so she could work too but when you were 3 her business shut down and she had no job.” Killian nodded softly as his father told the story. Niall paused to gauge his reactions before continuing. 

“She was devastated and rightfully so, soon she was back to work with a new job but she was constantly on edge and a little more irritable. I thought it was the stress of the job and taking care of a wild three year old. I got a job at the firm and it allowed me to work half days at home, half at the office. I wanted to take some pressure off of her and for a few months it did, and then one day I came home from work and there were police cars out front. It turns out that her new job was selling illegal drugs.” He noticed Killian’s eyes go wide in shock. “She loved you so much but she made mistake and because of that she lost you. She had to serve a jail sentence and when she got out she wanted to see you, but I could tell she had gotten back into when I went to go meet her. After that I told her she wouldn’t get to see you again. Last I heard she’s serving another sentence.” 

Killian sat silently, thinking about all the times he had imagined how happy they could be if she came home. He’d spent hours pouring over photos of their family and he had always wished to have that back. 

“Did you mean it when you said I couldn’t see her?” he asked after a long pause. 

“I meant it yes, that I would never choose for you to see her. But you’re close to being an adult, you can make your own choices now. And if you wanted to see her I can look into it.” Niall replied easily. He hated the idea of ever seeing Carlie again, but he had no right to stop his son from meeting her if it’s what he wanted. 

“Okay… so you don’t love her anymore?” 

“Mate I will always love her, but I can’t rely on her anymore or trust her.” Killian nodded. “So can I ask you again, is it weird if I date?” 

His son shrugged but the sadness in his eyes told Niall his answer. “I guess it’s not weird.” But he knew better, he knew Killian only wanted him to be happy, he nodded with a soft smile. 

“Come here,” he said softly as he held his arms open to hug him. “I love you, always will, and I’m always here for ya.” 

“I know Da, I love you too.” Niall released him from the embrace and Killian made his way to his bedroom. Once he’d cleaned up the kitchen and stuff Niall started on dinner, reaching for his phone to put on some music. He smiled to himself when he saw a new text from Sophie. 

I had such a great time today, what are the chances I get to see you again? 

Niall sighed deeply. He knew he could try harder and be secretive about his dating, but that wouldn’t be fair to Killian. 

I had an amazing time too, truly . I would love to see you again but things are really complicated right now with Killian I don’t think it’s a good time for me to be dating. 

She was quick to reply, the two letters sending his heart into his stomach. 

Oh

Sophie I’m so sorry, I hope you can understand I have to do what’s best for him

No I get it, maybe some other time then

I’d really like that ☺

Truthfully Sophie’s heart was in pieces. It had been years since she’d met someone she liked as much as Niall. Part of her feared the worst, that he didn’t have a good time and this was his way of not seeing her again. She didn’t think Niall was the type to do that, but then again she didn’t really know Niall. 

Weeks went by before Niall saw her again. He went to the school to help plan the auction and a smile crossed his lips the minute he saw her. She stood by the window waiting for everyone to find a seat, smiling as a few others bid her hello. Niall immediately walked over to her. 

“Hey…How are you?” he asked politely. 

“I’m fine.” Her tone was cold and unfeeling, something Niall hadn’t expected. 

“Look I’m really sorry Sophie, you have to understand I wish we could go out again-“

“We could Niall we very easily could but you’re making it complicated.” 

“It is complicated, you don’t understand the situation.” 

Sophie opened her mouth to reply but the meeting chair called for everyone’s attention. “Just forget it Niall, I’m not interested.” She stalked off to her seat and Niall stood in shock for a moment before grabbing a seat himself. He barely paid attention the whole time, not until he heard his name called. 

“Niall are you in?” He looked up to see the co-chair of the auctions staring right at him. 

“Uh yeah sure, whatever you need I’ll help,” he replied. 

“Great, that puts us at 10 bachelors for the date auction,” she replied writing down his name on a clipboard. Niall swallowed hard not realizing what he’d just signed up for. He glanced a look across the room at Sophie. She couldn’t hide her smirk knowing he had no idea what he was saying yes to. 

Niall continued to zone out for the rest of the meeting. A smaller committee had formed but because he was an “auction item” now – the chair’s words not his – he didn’t have to attend any further meetings, which he was happy about. As everyone stood to leave Niall pushed through to find Sophie. He wanted to clear things up but she had already slipped out the door. Niall sighed softly. He let himself out and made his way to the car to drive home. 

The day of the auction came faster than he expected. He soon found himself slipping on his one nice jacket and a tie, spending a few extra minutes on his mop of hair trying desperately to calm the gentle curls it formed when he let it get this long. A few drops of gel and a comb usually helped. He told himself he wanted to look nice for the auction but he knew it was all for Sophie. He’d thought about what happened between them and he realized that she deserved to know the truth and why things were complicated. 

He arrived at the auction a few minutes early, after dropping Killian at a friend’s house, hoping to pull Sophie aside. But when he got there she was on the top of a ladder reaching to grab a stray balloon that had floated away. He strode across the room to help her and talk to her, but the co-chair caught sight of him and scurried over. 

“Niall I am so glad you’re here. There was a mix up with the form and I need you to fill out these new questions for your catwalk.” She shoved a paper and a pen at him, leading him behind the stage. 

Niall reluctantly answered the questions, talking about all his favorite romantic moments. He wanted to tear the paper to shreds for reminding him that the one person he wanted wouldn’t speak to him. He turned in the paper and waited with the other bachelors like he was told. Some of them were teachers at the school, some were former students who’d moved on to uni but come back to help, and some were other parents just trying to raise money. He had a chat with a few of them, asking about their answers to the questions and if they had any one they knew would bet on them. He grew more and more anxious as the auction began. They had a few pints for the bachelors to sip on but Niall knew if he had one it would only make him more nervous. Niall wasn’t an arrogant guy but it wasn’t a secret that he was the most conventionally attractive of the group. 

Soon they were lining up and the music blared in their ears as they got closer to the stage. A few of the other dads went before him and were getting bids of 50 or 60 pounds. One of the uni students went for 75, Niall didn’t want to think about how wrong that was. As he neared the edge of the stage one of the chairs came shuffling up to him. Holding out a guitar. 

“You said you love music I thought you could play! The music teacher assured me that it was already tuned and everything!” She beamed as Niall awkwardly took the instrument. He thought the idea was ridiculous but guitar playing was something he knew and it would give him something to focus on while he was up there. When his turn came he strummed at the guitar, the music lowering so he could be heard and he tuned it slightly as he walked across the stage. The headmaster read off his form, advertising him as a handsome sinlge man with endless talent and charm. Niall held back a laugh as he started strumming a tune he’d written as a teenager. The women in the audience were eyeing him up and down so he changed up his tune and began to play something everyone would know. 

“I found a love, for me. Darling just dive right in, follow my lead.” His voice floated over the crowd and soft gasps sounded in return. Niall scanned the room for Sophie, wondering if she was still there. He saw her at the back of the crowd, organizing a few of the silent auction items, but she’d stopped and was looking right at him. 

Truthfully Sophie was doing everything she could to not throw up from the wave of affection that coursed through her body as Niall started singing. That song had been her favorite when she was younger. Not that he knew that, but it definitely made it harder to not like him. She wanted to forget him and to move on from this little crush she had, but his smooth and rich voice overwhelmed her, and she found herself wanting nothing more than to be wrapped in his embrace, to smell him, kiss him, love him. As he finished the song the bidding began. She could see a group of moms definitely old enough to be his mother getting ready to bid. She knew he would die of embarrassment if he had to spend an evening with any of them. The amount grew higher and higher, passing 100 pounds in a matter of minutes. The bids began to slow at 125, 15 pounds higher than what the gym coach went for, a she could see the primal desire in the highest bidder’s eyes and she threw up her hand on going twice. 

“145.” Everyone turned to look at her. She wasn’t sure how it happened, but the headmaster yelled sold and everyone began clapping. 

Niall couldn’t hide his smile as he saw Sophie’s hand go up. This was his chance to apologize. Once the auction finished the men were released out into the mis to introduce themselves to the women who bid for them. Niall made a beeline for Sophie who stood by the refreshment table. She had a glass of wine in her hand and what Niall didn’t know is that it was her third since she’d bid on him. She wanted to drink away those feelings that arose. 

“Don’t worry about the date, you’re off the hook.” Her eyes moved slowly due to the alcohol and Niall swallowed. 

‘Sophie you did nearly 150 quid on me, I’m gonna take you out,” he countered. 

“Don’t want you to,” she replied as she took another sip. Niall steadied her had she sloshed the cup a little too much. 

“Then why did you bid?” 

“Cause Mrs. Wannabe-Cougar was gonna rip you to pieces if she won.” Niall smiled softly to himself. He could hear the slight hint of jealousy that carried in her voice but he didn’t acknowledge it. 

“Well then let me thank you for saving me from my impending doom,” he chuckled. “And so I can apologize for what happened the last time we went out.” 

“So you can just get up my hopes and bring them back down again?” She was being nasty and a part of her knew that but she’d had too much wine to stop herself. “I really liked you Niall and you just shut it down because it was too complicated for you. It’s not complicated, you like me or you don’t so just be honest.” 

“I do like you, I like you so much Sophie. Please just let me have a chance to make it up to you, what are you doing next Saturday?”

“Chaperoning the school dance.” 

“Great I’ll take you to dinner beforehand.”

“No.” 

“Sophie please just one chance.” 

She regretted all the wine she had. If she were sober she would have held fast, but here, looking at him and his charming smile, she couldn’t say no. 

“Fine. But you have to meet me at the dance and chaperone with me. No dinner no flowers no nothing.”

“Great, I’ll see you there.” Niall wanted to stay and talk to her more, but he’d just won a small victory, he wasn’t going to risk it now. He stayed long enough to help clean up before he went home. 

When he walked in the door he saw his mother sitting on the sofa. 

“Is everything okay? Where’s Killian?” he asked looking down the hall immediately. She got up and put her hands on his arms to calm him. 

“Shhh, he’s fine. One of the boys at the party got sick so they had everyone go home, he called me to come get him cause he knew you’d be having a good time tonight and I’d be sitting at home watching the telly,” she assured him. Niall breathed out a sigh of relief. “I swear Niall James you need to worry less. You’ll be going grey before you’re 35.” 

“Like you didn’t worry about me and Greg,” he chuckled. 

“Yeah well you lot were worth worrying about, that little boy is an angel.” 

“I know… that’s why I worry, I don’t want anything to happen to him or for him to stop liking me.” 

“Niall he’s a teenager there is going to come a time when he doesn’t like you.” She paused for a moment. “He said you went on a date.” 

“It was sort of a date yeah.” 

“Is she nice?”

“She’s brilliant mum, absolutely brilliant… but she’s one of his teachers, and I don’t think he’s ready for me to date yet.” 

“Oh bollocks he’s a boy he thinks anyone dating is weird! You remember how you and Greg were when I started dating again.” He couldn’t argue with that

“That’s true I guess. I told him about Carlie….”

“He told me, he seems to be handling it well.” She smiled. “So when are you seeing this girl again. 

“Saturday, but it’s not a date. She’s not happy with me for not asking her out again.” His mother let out a sigh already knowing how the situation must have arose.

“Niall stop letting Killian get in the way of your happiness. Being a parent doesn’t mean you give up your own life, it means you just have theirs to consider too. If you like this girl then you apologize to her and you make it bloody work.”

“But what about-“ 

“Nope, this is about you Niall. Not Carlie, not Killian, not anyone but you.” Niall hated when his mother was right. It amazed him how she could still make him feel like a kid in trouble even now at 32. He sighed and nodded. 

“Alright... I’ll talk to her. Are y’gonna stay here tonight? I can sleep on the sofa.”

“No I’ve got to head home. I love you sweetheart, take care of you too okay?” 

“I promise mum. I love you.” He hugged her goodbye before walking her to the front door. He sighed as he closed the door, leaning back against it. As his eyes closed his mind wandered to Sophie and how cute she looked when she was drunk. He stood up thinking about how drunk she was and quickly reached for his phone to text her. 

Hey, I know you had a few tonight just wanted to check that you had a way home tonight 

Thank you I did make it home . 

Glad to hear . I’ll see you Saturday then . 

He slid his phone away and made his way to his room. Within minutes he was asleep in his clothes but he truthfully didn’t care. 

The following Saturday came too fast for Niall’s liking. But he dressed in his same jacket, different shirt, and headed out the door at 7:30. It took him a minute to find Sophie But once he caught sight of her navy dress he knew there would be no way he’d lose sight of her again that night. He walked over to her with a soft smile and he was surprised when she returned it. 

“Hi,” he said softly. 

“Hi,” she replied. “You look nice.” 

“You look absolutely beautiful.” A soft flush rose to her cheeks. “Can we go somewhere and talk?” 

“I can’t leave the room,” she replied softly. “But we can talk here.” Niall nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Well I wanted to explain why-“ 

“Ms. Kemper I think some of the boys are making fun of Elizabeth,” a small girl stated, looking up at Sophie with big round eyes. Sophie nodded and turned to Niall. 

“I’ll be right back.” She followed the girl across the dance floor to settle the issue. Niall didn’t mind, she was doing her job. But the pattern continued He’d get two sentences out and someone would interrupt. He was starting to get frustrated. He was grateful when more chaperones showed up so Sophie wasn’t the only one being turned to. He chuckled in annoyance when the DJ slowed the music to talk, interrupting him yet again. 

“Alright you guys we’re going to slow things down with a throwback song. Lads pick a girl y’fancy and ask her to dance.” 

Niall smirked and held out his hand. “Shall we?” Sophie blushed but she took his hand and walked with him to the edge of the dance floor. 

“Maybe you’ll finally get to tell me what’s on your mind.” 

Neither of them knew what to expect for the throwback, but it wasn’t Ariana Grande. 

“Dear god is this what they’re calling a throwback?” she asked in shock. “I remember when this song came out that wasn’t that long ago!”

“Which one is this?” Niall asked trying to recall the title before the lyrics started. 

“Tattooed Heart.” 

“Oh that’s right! Bloody hell this song isn’t even fifteen years old yet how is it a throwback?” 

“I have no idea,” Sophie laughed. “I bet you can’t hit the high notes.” 

“Oh really? Cause I sing this song in the shower everyday.” Sophie laughed as he chuckled, her forehead coming to rest on his shoulder as they swayed. “No it doesn’t have to be forever just as long as I’m the name on your tattooed heart.” Niall scrunched his face as he tried to hit the high notes and Sophie laughed even more. 

Silence fell over them after a moment and Sophie took a deep breath. 

“So what have you been trying to tell me?” she asked after the pause. 

“Right… well I’ve been beating around the bush… I just need to come out with it. Killian’s mum is the reason why things are complicated.” He saw the hurt flash across her face. “She’s not involved I promise, but she is a huge part of why I need to be careful with dating. When Killian was three she got into drugs, and when he was four she got arrested for dealing. I almost lost custody of Killian at first. Since then she’s been in and out of rehab facilities and prison. And before this year I never told Killian, I didn’t want him thinking of his mum horribly you know?” Sophie nodded, her expression full of compassion. “But because of that he always thought there was a chance of us getting back together. So me starting to date was rough for him and I talked to him and I was worried he wasn’t ready so that’s why I told you things were complicated.” 

“Niall I’m so sorry for being cold to you, I should have trusted your judgment-“

“No Soph, this is on me, I should have given you a better explanation and I also shouldn’t have just pushed you away. I forget sometimes that I’m allowed to do things for me, they don’t all have to be centered around Killian.” 

“We can take things as slow as you need to. I want Killian to be comfortable too.” 

“I hope you know I really do like you Soph.” 

“I like it when you call me that,” she smiled. The music slowed but they didn’t stop dancing. Niall’s head dipped down slightly just as hers tipped up. He Felt anxiety bubble inside him, he hadn’t kissed a woman in 8 years but everything about this felt right. His lips gently pressed against hers as the music came to a stop, their swaying doing the same. He knew it would be a long road dating Sophie but he knew it would all be for the best. 

[leah-halliwell92]

Doesn’t Really Matter

Summary: Taylor Mae Miller has been friends with Adam since they were in high school and a musician in he own right and has known Queen for just about the same time he’s been touring with them. Their bond strong and growing ever stronger, Mae decides to move across the pond not only to be closer to her new found friends but to get away from her volatile and toxic relationship thrust on her by her mother. Will her new found family be enough to reassure her that she is loved?

Chapter 2

“Are you joking?” Roger asked incredulously.

Adam couldn’t hold it anymore and broke into a fit of laughter.

Taylor gave the men a knowing look hand to her mouth to keep from laughing, and nodded. 

“Like I said,” she said trying to hold back her laughter, “My grandparents are hippies and music junkies!”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Roger asked still not getting it.

“It means they were going to name me something out of the cosmos or after one or more of their favorite singers or bands,” she said as she couldn’t hold bacon her laughing anymore.

Brian nodded in understanding before shaking his head with a warm laugh of his own.

“She was names after her grandmother’s favorites Roger,” Adam as he came to.

That’s when the penny fell and Roger’s eyes widened in realization.

“She named you after your favorites, huh,” he said boyish grin appearing on his face.

“And there’s the ego boost,” Brian says jokingly.

“Well I never,” Roger said faking outrage.

You all share a laugh and continue eating your food when Adam stands with a quiet ‘excuse me’ when his phone goes off.

“Why so glum Liz Taylor?” Mae asked noticing the serious look on Roger’s face.

“Your mother...”

“Is not here,” she says voice going hard, “And as Adam told me on the way here...she is not here to tell me what or who to do.”

“NO boys,” Brian and Roger said in unison causing the wives to laugh and Mae to shrug and then a chuckle when Brian added, “Or girls.”

“Still,” she said voice somber., “It isn’t like she’s a mum mum to me, she’s my mother she birthed but that is as far as the connection goes. She was all for my brothers but when it came to her only daughter she saw a bargaining chip.”

“Jesse and Jonah tried,” she said with a shrug, “Sometimes it would work and other times it would blow up in our faces.”

“Sounds like a traditionalist in the worst possible way,” Roger said as he tossed the now empty plates into the food bag to be disposed of later.

Taylor nodded and sighed.

Adam stepped back into the room an annoyed look on his face.

“Everything ok?” Taylor asked.

“Yea,” he said with a roll of his eyes making his sarcasm more than a little evident, “Manager needs me to go back to go over scheduling to make sure my tour and our tour don’t over lap.”

You nodded and rolled your eyes. Those schedules had been done for ages. And have been checked and double checked that everything was where it’s suppose to be.

“I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about,” Brian said with a grin.

“Same, but dude’s wanting to check makes me think that he thinks he did something wrong,” he said annoyed before going to Taylor and pulling her into a hug, “I’ll see you at breakfast.”

Taylor nodded and went to get the mattress when and incredulous Roger said, “Wait...she’s spending the nigh here? Alone?”

“I was going to come back after my meeting,” Adam said before he reached the front door.

“You know as well as we do that scheduling revision is going to take most if not all night,” Roger said knowingly, “She’ll be staying with me.”

“Um...you have a thing in London remember?” Sarina said withholding a laugh after sharing a look with Anita the younger woman knowing very well that Rog had a couple of errands to run in London.

“And I have to study for a play will be showing in two weeks,” Anita said gently.

“I can give you the keys to my place Mae,” Adam said about to take said keys out.

“And stay there alone?” Roger said not liking the sound of that one bit.

Taylor rolled her eyes and said, “I feel like a rope...”

Sarina and Anita laughed at that and nodded.

“Why not a hotel?” Taylor said with a shrug.

“You have a home here little Mae,” Roger said with approaching her, “Not one but a few if Brian and Anita have anything to say about it.”

“It’s settled then,” Brian said beamingly.

“What?” Roger said clearly confused.

“Mae will be staying with me,” Brian said trying to not look smug at the suggestion, “You and Adam will be busy in London, the girls will be preparing for their performances leaving me to my lonesome.”

Roger looked at Brian in disbelief. 

“My best mate just swindled me out of time with my namesake,” Roger said in disbelief.

“You forget thought Roger,” Mae said with a smirk, “I am Little Mae.”

“Hush you,” he said ruffling her hair causing her to laugh.

“I’ll put her stuff in your car then,” Adam said and left to do just that.

Taylor made her way to Brian who pulled her into a warm hug.

“You maybe Little Mae–” Roger began in a sure sign of that famous Taylor tempter.

“She’s got two daddies to take care of her,” Sarina cut in as she laughed at her husband’s antics, “Which means, she’s got family here.”

“More family than I ever thought I would,” Taylor said eyes glued to the ground.

Brian gave her a reassuring squeeze and said, “But family none the less.”

Taylor smiled at that and nodded. It was going take a bit to get used to being a a part of a stable family. But she was sure it was going to be a hell of a lot better than being on her own.

That settled, Adam said his goodbyes to everyone and left to kick his manager in the pants and see what the issues where with the schedule, Sarina left to get her bag from the trunk of their car and head to the airport to her own filming destination and Anita opted to take a cab to the theater to do her study.

“I will probably be back late but I will see you both in the morning,” Anita said bidding Taylor and Brian good bye with a hug and kiss.

“And you...” she said giving Roger a hug, “Behave.”

“I always behave!” He huffed indignantly.

Taylor and Brian laughed at that before Brian said, “Well since lunch is over and done with let’s go get you settled in.”

Taylor nodded and followed after the men.

“Before we head in why not go for tea?” Roger said a grin on his face.

“You really want to treat me to something don’t you,” Taylor asked rhetorically.

“Well...what is a mother supposed to do?” He said a cheeky grin.

Brian shook his head at them but offered Taylor his arm, ever the gentleman.

Together the trio took a stroll around the area until the found a quaint little tea shop walking distance away from her flat.

And as promised, Roger treated her to tea. The fact that Brian was there to also enjoy the fruits of his labor is another thing entirely.

“How are things with Jonah?” Brian asks as he serves the tea.

“Things with him have always been good,” Taylor said with a grin, “But better now that he mentioned settling down.”

“Oh?” 

“Yea, he applied to be honorably discharged. Said something about making an honest woman out of Clair once and for all,” Taylor laughed at that and said, “I think he’s finally going to propose!”

The men gave a quiet cheer at the news.

“About time too! Clair’s been waiting for him to propose since she met him his senior year in school,” Taylor said with a laugh remember the day her best friend met her oldest brother.

“And him?” Roger asked curiously.

“He needed time to grow and mature away from our mother. I think the army did that for him,” she said with a sigh and a gentle grin, “Jesse’s another story though...he’s always been my mother’s baby. The one to always kiss her ass when she decided something needed to go one way or another, the one to back her up when she decided I needed to follow what she said because and I quote, ‘I am your mother. I birthed you raised and am raising you so the least you could do is acknowledge the fact that I know what is best for you’.”

The men bristled at that as they pieced together more of the puzzle that is Taylor’s life and the people within it.

“And you're dad?” Roger asked carefully.

Taylor grinned sadly and said, “Dad passed away a little over two months ago.”

The men gapped at that.

“Pancreatic cancer,” she said as she played with the teacup that is on the table, “And before you say anything about not having told you earlier...I didn’t do it out of spite. I really didn't know how to say it, how to say he’s...he’s...”

Brian pulled her on his side as she breaks down.

“We cremated him as per his request, service is next week in my gran’s Irish home,” she said when she calmed down some. 

Roger sat in shock at the information and downed what was left in his cup no wishing it had something bit stronger in it.

“I think it’s time to take her home,” Brian said as he stood and helped her stand up as well.

Roger nodded and stood going to pay for their tea.

Brian walked her to the bathroom hall where she went to the laddie’s and make herself presentable. It wouldn’t do for the paparazzi to see her looking like they kicked her puppy.

Now looking more presentable, they trio made their way to the flat where they Roger left them with warm hugs and a kiss to Taylor’s forehead.

Brian helped her into the car and made his way into town making a bee line to Save Me.

“Wait here dear,” Brian said as he got out of the car and went into the facility.

Taylor waited brow furrowed in curiosity and confusion as to what the man could possibly be planning.

A little bit later Brian came back a satisfied smile on his face. 

“Tomorrow you and I are going to be busy,” he said as he drove out.

“Do I want to know?” She asked with a small smile.

“Nope,” he said with a grin, “You’ll just have to wait and find out.”

~//~

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[fire-bear]

I have had a really eventful week - so much so that I lost track of days at the start of the week... Here are some things that happened (mostly unrelated to Covid-19):

I went to the theatre last Saturday to see Curtains (before Scotland/the UK banned gatherings over 500) which is really good and people should go see it in, like, 6 months when we can go out again.

That same day I drove over a massive pothole - like, it was a huge square in the middle of the road that I didn’t register as a problem (I think I thought it was a patch of road that had been dug up and covered over) until the last second. This resulted in...

Discovering that I had a slow puncture exactly a week ago (confirmed by my more knowledgeable sister when we went to a farm café along the road from us for a get together) and had to go buy a pump to pump it up as the garage my mum suggested wasn’t open on a Sunday. So I decided to go up early on Monday morning when...

My mum discovered that our washing machine had decided to pack it in - it’s been playing up for a while, but it wouldn’t stop (it had 1 minute to go! according to it) and wouldn’t open to get the clothes out. So when we went to the garage (who asked me to come in the next day to get it sorted) we also stopped at Argos to get a new washing machine - it’ll be delivered this coming Thursday... I hope. In the meantime, handwashing it is! And also using the washing machines at the Gulf petrol station nearby.

Got my tyre replaced.

On the Monday, my mum had to get my Grandpa to come over to help disconnect it (he’s 69 so it’s okay!) but when he reconnected it he had some trouble and accidentally pulled the pipe out of the other one it was connected to in the cupboard under the stairs. When my mum started to move stuff to get the things she’d arranged an uplift for (we’ve been meaning to do it for ages), she discovered that the carpet in the hall was soaked because any time we used the kitchen sink there was water going everywhere. Cue using a basin and then crossing the road to throw it down the drain because the one at our front door was covered with all the stuff getting uplifted.

Monday evening is when my mum found out that she needs to socially distance/self isolate/stay at home - she’s an at risk person cause she gets the flu jab for underlying health conditions so she’s been doing housework and reading books and she’s gonna be bored in a couple of weeks.

Started cleaning everything at work because they gave us stuff and they had notices up saying we were gonna do it more and no-one else seemed to be doing it. This was both good and bad - I have a very mild dermatitis which is exacerbated by heat and certain soaps/cleaning products. And also by washing my hands too much. So...

When they put up a sign in work on, like, Thursday, about gloves, I asked about it when they talked to us about what was going to happen. (We get paid for the first couple of weeks at our normal rate as if we were actually working and then get sick pay. Plus company sick pay but I think that’s only if you’ve been with the company since 2012 and I’ve only been there since 2016 so...)

People at work kept going on about big announcements and then watching it on their phones, hoping they were saying they were closing the shops (because it makes sense and because it’s been so quiet that we had nothing much to do) - and then nothing happened.

On Friday morning, I went to run errands for my mum and couldn’t get out of the parking space in the way I wanted to because of the van parked across the road from me and the angle. I ended up scraping the car beside me and I only found out because of some old guy. I still have the P plates on and he helpfully said, “You need to go back and pass your test again.” I bet that guy doesn’t drive so... Urgh. Also, like, I was worried about it and decided to leave a note with my name and number (still no call about it, though) and the guy was all, “Just leave it. I would just leave it.” Why did you stop me to tell me about it, then??

Drove to and fro across town yesterday doing the shopping - and also looking to see if anywhere had toilet paper. Thankfully, my sister shops at Costco sometimes and she’d gotten a lot from one of their deals or something a while back so she gave us some today so we don’t need to worry about that for a couple of weeks. And our local village shop has industrial toilet roll for sale if we’re struggling so that’s cool.

Got called today about how the chain of shops I work in is closing all its shops in the UK (already closed them in other countries) so I can get stuff done at home now. (Such as rearranging my room and stuff.)