#also the piano keys- i found them really difficult to draw. ended up taking me several hours ans 10 different reference images

[ctubbolore]

OOOIGUHHH COUGH SYRUP I MISS YOUUU. last year i got sick and spent 3 days working on a drawing and I really want to post the full thing it but it's like. there's things I like about it and things I reeeeeaalllyyy don't like about it so.

[silenthillmutual]

hey for the prompts thing, maybe artemy's children and daniil? Also if you wanna stretch your utopian characters writing muscles, something with peter and grace(artemy helping him parent her, since the man was ready to feed her worms)? eva and daniil in the friendship way?? idk, something of that sort. I love your work, you have a delightful grasp of the characters and the english language itself

this isn't my best bc i've just been practicing writing to keep that skill strong, but i decided to do a little of all three :)

-----

“Please, Eva, you have to help me.”

Eva tilts her head at Daniil, her long blonde hair cascading over her shoulder. Daniil knows she’s not that dense; it’s not the with what question, but the why. “Really, Daniil. I think you have a handle on things as it is.”

He absolutely does not have a handle on things. He is in way out of his depth. Over his head. However the saying goes - what’s been expected is far beyond him. Cats, he can watch over easily. They’re mostly self-sufficient, independent, but children? Daniil does not know the first thing about children.

“Humor me, then,” he says. Eva ducks her head, struggling to hide a smile. “Pretend for a moment that I don’t have a handle on things. How am I meant to keep children entertained?”

“Ah, I would think you would remember what it was like to be a child!” Daniil only scowls at the floor, shuffling his feet. “You remember how you wanted to be treated, don’t you? It’s not that different from now. You treat them with respect.”

“I know how to talk to children,” he says, and hopes he isn’t lying, “but how do I keep them entertained?”

“It’s only for a few hours. I think you’re worrying over nothing.” Daniil looks over his shoulder. They’re already seated at Eva’s piano, fingers toying with the keys. Every once in a while they will make contact, a soft plonk as a flat note plays in the open space, accompanied by a giggle. “Besides, Artemy left you in charge, not me. He trusts you.”

“He trusts everyone.” It sounds like more of a complaint than it’s really meant. The haruspex’s undying faith in others is admirable, really. Burakh’s favor is probably the only thing that’s kept the town’s inhabitants from running Daniil out into the steppe. But in this one occasion, that faith seems misplaced. “I should have said no.”

“So why didn’t you?”

Daniil has no answer. Or at least, he has no good answer. Judging by the smile creeping its way onto her face, Eva knows the only one he has. He tries to fan away her concern, and is met with her soft laughter, like the tinkling of glass. “Anyway, I’d feel much safer if you were here to help me.”

“Safer? Daniil, they’re just kids. You’ve done much more dangerous things in the time you’ve been here.” Daniil purses his lips, and Eva sighs. “I’ll help you, on one condition!”

“Name it.”

“Yulia.” Eva huffs, fiddling with her gloves. “I’ve invited her over to dinner, but she hasn’t sent her response. I think she’s nervous about seeing the Stamatins again - tell her they won’t be coming if it makes her so upset! Whatever you have to say, just make sure she agrees. I’ve been dying to see her.”

Much as he’d rather not get involved in anyone else’s affairs, he is sort of desperate here. Yulia can be difficult to convince when her mind is made up on something - impossible, even, he’d say - but he knows how fond the two women are of each other, and maybe his assurance that Andrey will be otherwise occupied will be enough. And really, all he has to do is try. “Fine,” he says, and Eva squeezes his arm in excitement before turning to the kids in the sitting room.

“I see you’ve found the piano. Would you like me to teach you a few scales?”

-

When Artemy agreed to help Peter prepare for Grace’s visit, he had no idea what it was he was signing up for. He’d thought an hour or so - enough time to leave his kids with Daniil and see how they fared together without overwhelming the other man. But it’s been two and a half hours now, and Peter doesn’t seem to be any closer to grasping the basics.

“You need milk, Peter. And eggs. Basic food items.” He stops just short of asking if the man is even aware of what constitutes food. He can’t be certain that the man even eats. He’s malnourished for someone of his height, and from what Artemy can tell his main consumption is twyrine. And that won’t be good for poor Grace.

That’s the main reason Artemy’s stayed so long. He wants to get back to his kids, to spend time with Daniil before the man returns to his work, but he worries about how Grace will fare here when Peter can’t seem to grasp the importance of a clean cooking surface and fresh ingredients. “Forgive me, old boy. It’s been so long since I have sought these things out for myself.”

Artemy tries not to groan. That’s about what he’d figured, and it’s not exactly what he’d call promising.

At least the apartment is looking marginally nicer. There’s space enough for them to walk around in, the empty bottles of twyrine have been discarded and the couch has been cleared of its debris. It’s not much, but it’s a start, and Artemy can appreciate how difficult even this was for the architect.

But it’s still not quite enough. Grace will be over within the hour, and Artemy’s not sure how much more help he can be to the man.

Before he can suggest they hold Grace’s visit off another day, a knock comes at the door and the girl herself enters. She doesn’t look quite sure of herself, her fists curled tight around the fabric of her dress, her eyes cast down; but she enters all the same, and stands just outside the door, waiting.

Artemy is the first to address her. “Grace.” He nudges Peter with his foot under the table. “It’s good to see you.”

Peter looks at Artemy, solemn, and follows his lead. “Welcome, girl.” There’s an awkward pause, and Artemy kicks his shin again. Peter stares at the table. “Come in from the door. There’s room for you by the couch.”

Grace smiles shyly and tucks her hands behind her back as she enters. Her eyes widen, taking in the apartment as if seeing it for the first time. And since Peter doesn’t seem to clean regularly, she very well could be.

“What happened to your paintings?” she asks, her voice quiet.

“I’ve moved them.” Artemy is preparing himself to nudge Peter once again, but this is something he’s more well-acquainted with. He’s slow to stand, one hand on the table to steady himself, and makes his way to what passes for a bedspace in this loft. Artemy watches from the table, chewing his lip, as Peter presents a painting to her.

At least it’s one of the more appropriate ones, though there’s something frightening about the splashes of paint. He’s no art critic, and he won’t pretend to understand, but there’s something very angry about this painting. Artemy wonders how obvious it is to Grace, who hasn’t seen much outside of the graveyard. He can’t imagine there’s much experimental art in the Saburov’s house.

A sudden pang hits him, watching the two interact. He may be frustrated with Peter, but it’s obvious the man is trying his hardest. It’s just been too long since he’s even taken care of himself, that of course it will take a while before he’s able to take care of another person. And Grace has such different needs that Artemy’s unsure the Saburovs will be able to meet. The way they talk to each other, he can sense an understanding between them, even when they’re not talking about exactly the same thing.

He’s going to wind up regretting this, for sure. He didn’t mean to leave his kids with Daniil for so long, but he can’t just give up here.

“It’s about time for lunch,” Artemy says. The two turn to look at him with matching looks of surprise. “Why don’t I show you how to cook something?”

-

Artemy dropped his children off around ten. Daniil expected him back around noon. He doesn’t mind making food for the children, except - well, he’s not the one doing it. Eva caught him attempting to make some excuses to head into the kitchen and beat him to it. “Don’t worry about it,” she said, with a look in her eyes Daniil found almost threatening, “I can handle it. You stay in here and get acquainted.”

“We’re already acquainted,” Daniil pointed out, but it didn’t matter much. Eva was determined to ignore him, making her way out of the room and leaving Daniil with two bored kids.

Murky had moved on from the piano some time ago, laying on the floor with charcoals and sketch paper Peter had left out the last time he’d come to visit. She didn’t ask for permission, but if Eva wasn’t going to tell her off then neither was Daniil. He can’t imagine Peter minding much or even remembering he’d brought the items with him, and as long as it’s keeping the girl occupied Daniil doesn’t have it in him to complain. Sticky, on the other hand, has taken to snooping around the house.

“Looking for something?” Daniil asks, watching him open up an end table drawer.

Sticky shrugs. “Not particularly.” He closes the drawer with a little more force than necessary and turns his gaze to the staircase, his eyebrows near to his hairline. “What’s up there?”

“My room.”

“Can I see it?” The sudden excitement catches him off guard. Daniil fiddles with his gloves. “You have a microscope, right? I’ve never used one. I know Rubin has one, but he won’t let me see it. Do you have slides? Can you show me something? Can you show me blood?”

“One question at a time,” Daniil says, huffing with amusement. Maybe this isn’t so bad. I was the same at his age. “I suppose you can come upstairs and see it, yes. I do have a few clean slides, yes, but I don’t have any samples lying around. I suppose I can come up with something, but…” he turns to look at Murky.

“She’ll be fine,” Sticky assures him. “It’s not like we’re going far, right?” He turns to his sister. “Murky, we’re going upstairs.”

She pauses in her drawing, looking at Sticky before her eyes turn away. “Do I have to come with you?”

“I don’t suppose you have to, no,” Daniil answers. “But if you need anything, you can come up and get us, alright, dear?” She doesn’t seem all that comfortable with the term, her mouth turning into a little scowl. She doesn’t answer, either, going back to her drawing as if no interruption had occurred.

Daniil leads Sticky up the stairs, listening to his babbling about the things he’s managed to glean from listening to Artemy and attempting to follow in his footsteps, from his discussions with Rubin when the man’s come to visit. Once they’re upstairs, he wanders around the room, picking up Daniil’s books and looking at them carefully, trying to pronounce the words aloud to himself. Daniil takes his distraction as a time to prick himself for a blood sample, readying the slide and pulling the chair back out from the table.

He clears his throat, and Sticky spins around, nearly dropping the heavy tome in his hands. “You wanted to see a blood sample, yes?” Sticky nods, scrambling his way over to the desk. Daniil has to guide him in how to use the microscope, in how to get a clearer picture of what he’s looking at. And Sticky has plenty of questions for him about what he sees, about how blood works in the body, about cells and warmth and movement.

As he’s speaking, Daniil simply forgets to be nervous. It’s not all that different to lectures - and to have someone honestly listening to him is actually quite nice. He’s so engrossed in directing Sticky that he doesn’t notice when Murky joins them. When she speaks, it startles him. “Why do you have a bunch of grass in a jar?” Sticky stifles a laugh as Daniil nearly jumps, moving around to the bookshelf where Murky is on her toes, peering at a glass jar. “They’re not even the right herbs. You can’t make anything out of that.”

“It’s not all grass. Take a closer look.” Daniil takes the jar off the shelf and holds it out for her to better see it. He watches her squint, and directs his finger about halfway up the jar. “Do you see the eyes here? This is a conehead grasshopper.”

Her eyes widen. “You keep a bug in a jar?”

“Well, I’d like to get a terrarium eventually, but you don’t seem to have any in town. I’d have to order one from the Capital.” He pauses. People usually find his collection of insects strange, but Murky seems fascinated. “I have books on insects, if you would like to…” Can she read? “Take a look?” Murky nods, and Daniil takes the jar back, looking through the bookshelf for the guide he’d brought with him.

Sticky’s not particularly interested in the bugs, but he entertains himself looking through Daniil’s medical textbooks while Daniil reads passages off of the insects Murky points to. When Eva comes to get them for lunch, he has to agree to bring the book downstairs with him to get her to go.

“Dad won’t let me keep bugs,” she mumbles around her food. “Says they don’t belong in the house.”

“My mother felt the same,” Daniil tells her. It feels strange to admit it, when it’s been so long since he’s spoken of his parents to anybody. Murky turns the pages of his field guide very carefully, silent as Sticky speaks up to ask him more questions about blood flow and circulation.

Now that he’s found ways of connecting with the kids, communication isn’t nearly as difficult as he’d thought it would be. He feels a little silly for winding himself up the way he had this morning - and these are Artemy’s kids, why had he imagined they’d be such a handful? Sure, they’re precocious, but not any worse than the other children in town.

They’ve just made their way back into the main room when the door to the Stillwater opens and Artemy appears. He looks exhausted, and Daniil can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt. He knows what dealing with the Stamatins can be like, especially given how poorly Peter takes care of himself. He can’t begin to imagine what took Artemy so long, but things must have been pretty bad if it took him such a long time.

Artemy offers Daniil a small smile. “Thanks for looking after them, emshen.”

“It was my pleasure,” Daniil says, and he finds that for once it’s not simply a nicety. “They’re wonderful children, Artemy. Clearly you’re doing a fantastic job in raising them.”

“Truth be told, they raised themselves.” His smile is fond, turning from Daniil to his kids. “You guys ready to go?”

Murky looks up from her drawing - a new one, an attempt to freehand an illustration of a phasmid from Daniil’s field guide. She still has a slight frown on her face as she looks up at her father. “Now? Bachelor was going to show me how to catch insects with a net,” she tells him.

Artemy looks back at Daniil with some surprise on his face. Daniil can feel himself flushing as he tries to look anywhere but at Artemy. “Why don’t you come another day, Murky? It’ll give me time to get a second net.”

“I’ll be ready to go in a minute,” Sticky pipes up. “I just gotta finish -”

“Oh, you can borrow the book,” Daniil says, waving his hand. “Don’t mind the markings I left in it from school. And if you have any questions, well - you know where to find me.”

[alexlabhont]

I didn’t mean to fall in love with you

Chapter eleven

Book: Queen B - Choices (Universe)

Pairing:  Poppy Min-Sinclair x Trans!Male MC (Beck Hughes)

Genre: Canon re-write (Because I can)

Rating: Anyone can read it, really

Tags: @dopeyouth @theymakemegayer @save-me-the-last-dance @poppysmc (If anyone want to be tagged in or removed, just tell me)

This is me trying to write by and for the Trans community, specially FTM community, meaning, trans guys, but I actually took the liberty to use They/them pronouns for everyone out there who´s interested (Also, the name Beck was the most neutral one I could find, trying to use the cannon Bea Hughes)

If you have any comment, PLEASE BE RESPECTFULL and patient with me. This is also my first english fanfic and english is not my mother language, so… i’m sorry fo the grammar errors. I also installed recently Grammary, so… hope its worth it.

This chapter contains some sensitive topics about tragedies and sex insinuations, I really didn't want to write it down with details both out of respect. I mean, personally, I didn't want to explain what's "under" in a fanfic, but if you do have doubts or curiosity, ask away in chat, especially if you are starting hormones, there is a lot for you to know about down there because it definitely changes something. Also, this other topic might touch a nerve and I really didn't do it without respect to the victims, so I'm sorry if it feels like that.

Previously

----

Staten Island it’s the third-largest borough in New York, but it is the least populated. The northern part of the island is the most urbanized, with some areas of somewhat decayed housing blocks that didn’t attract attention at all. It was… ok? quiet? She wasn’t sure exactly what to say about that place, but what was another thing she wasn’t sure about? Well...

“Are you not going to tell me what are we doing?” Poppy asked once again, feeling irritated as they both walked through the breeze but warm streets. At first, she thought they were taking the bus but Beck asked something to a random guy and started walking for a really, really long time, what was all this about? Beck looked tense, kind of nervous, and that alone made her feel strange, unnerved. "Are you alright?" Poppy asked again, but this time she sounded worried.

"Yeah, I'm just…" They exhaled in an attempt to draw their nerves away from themself. "I'm pretty nervous. I've never done this before." Beck chuckled.

"Do what?" Poppy frowned, curiosity floating in her mind strongly, to be honest, she had never seen them so tense before, even though they were trying to look calm. Beck smirked and took her by the hand.

"Come on, I have to show you something."

"Is it too far?"

"Are you already tired?" Beck replied, mocking her with that sassy smile of theirs.

"Me? Absolutely no." She said, raising an eyebrow. "I could literally go for miles."

"I'll have to prove that myself." Beck winked and she couldn't help but laugh.

"You're a dimwit."

"Yeah" they shrugged. "I'm cute, though.”

“Barely.” She rolled her eyes, trying to suppress a smile but failing in the process so Beck laughed at it. Suddenly an unexpected drop felt swiftly in her nose, making her look up to the sky where a big, grey cloud was still above their heads. Soon, she felt raindrops in her hair, her clothes, her shoes!

“Oh, shoot. This is not good…” Beck said while they both walked faster, reaching out for cover in a shop awning.

“You think? These Jimmy choo are not even in the market yet!”

“Well, we don’t want them to be ruined, don’t we?."

"Of course not! What kind of dumb ques—"

Poppy didn't get to end the sentence, Beck took her by the wrist and started running full speed and nonstop. "Beck!" She screamed, the rain pouring down her body while that asshole laughed like a devilish kid. "Beck Hughes, let go of me this instant!!"

"We're almost there!" She heard them saying without turning to see her.

"Where are you taking me?!"

Beck slowed down little by little until they both stopped in front of a tiny, old, yellow house with barely two floors. Beck took the keys out of their pockets and opened the door, allowing Poppy to get inside the dark and quiet place.

“So… here we are.” Beck spoked turning on the lights.

The place that received them was the living room, but it was not an ordinary living room, it had neon lights currently exposing a purple color, a keyboard piano, a couple of guitars, and an old-fashioned mended couch with a lot of patches over black leather that actually looked really well together. The walls were exhibiting posters, framed cool landscape black and white photographs, and a Youtube silver plaque. She recognized the place right away.

“Wait… this is the place where you record your music.” She asked. Poppy watched Beck’s videos a lot recently at first the blonde was searching for information, then, to find a flaw to criticize with Chloe, but sooner rather than later Poppy found out… Beck was actually a really good musician, so sometimes when she was completely sure she was alone she’d listen to their songs while doing cardio or homework or whatever she was doing. “I was wondering where you found the location.”

“Yes… but also no. I mean, I do the videos here, but I have an audio booth upstairs. It’s actually a quiet neighborhood so it came in handy.” Beck took off their jacket, reaching out their hand to ask for Poppy’s. They both were wet, but not a lot, her shoes survived perfectly because they entered the house before a loud thunder sounded, followed by a deluge. “Damn, we do really dodge a bullet out there.”

“Yeah.” Poppy said, hugging herself. Without her coat, she felt a little cold. “Do you own this place?”

"No, this is my uncle’s." Beck whispered with reverence and a sad smile on their face. "My dad's little brother. He passed away."

"I— I'm sorry, Beck…" she managed to say, clueless about what exactly would someone do in this kind of situation.

"I didn't remember much about him, but my mom says he used to make these guitars out of plastic bottles as gifts for me to play them. She said I would go to the kitchen and play one for her to hear. She also said the sound was awful and she begged him to stop making them." Beck's smile was soft, turning on the heating, proud even though they were chuckling a little, spreading the same smile to Poppy. " 'I'm telling you, this little pal has talent.' he would say."

"Sounds to me like he made it to annoy your mom instead." Poppy said jokingly.

"Totally, he was a prankster." Beck replied, the emotions coming out from their eyes were difficult to tell. "And was one of the few dudes back at Farmsville that didn't want to settle down. The black sheep in every family… and the reason why my parents didn't want me to be here." Beck clutched their jaw, walking away from there to the kitchen. Poppy followed them in silence, feeling like it was something very private for Beck, seeing that vulnerable side of them again, but not hiding this time. "He was murdered years ago here in New York in a shooting. In Farmsville shootings don’t happen, so… They said it was dangerous going out of the farm to the big cities. That he brought this on himself... Took this out of the wrong way." The anger in Beck's voice was palpable in the air.

"Seriously? How can they be so selfish?" Poppy asked, how can someone be so fucking self-centered and dumbass to take a tragedy and blame it on one family member? She thought these things happened exclusively around that bunch of tight-ass people inside her parents’ social circle, but not inside a family farm.

"Back at home is different from here. Is a small town where everyone knows each other. They love routine and hard work and the good customs and shit… So when anyone goes against it… well— it's not funny."

Something clicked inside Poppy's mind.

"But then… How are you here?" Beck smiled but it didn't reach out to their sad eyes.

"Because I almost got killed."

Shock. Poppy couldn't help but feel agitated, her heart pounding loud against her chest and that same protective feeling that almost made her stab Bennett crawled its way towards her own core.

"What?" Poppy babbled, froze. Beck shrugged, with a weird grin as if they didn't know where to start, they caressed their neck, searching for the better way to put the puzzle together. They reach out for Poppy's hand, and she took it right away intertwining her fingers with Beck's.

"Coffee?" They asked. "It seems we will be stuck in here for a while.”

"It sounds nice." The words abandoned her mouth so fast that she even surprised herself, another red alarm ringed inside her mind, but now was not the time, so she ignored it again. Beck smiled and turned on a little coffee maker, bringing two mugs in silence. They both sat down on the surprisingly comfortable couch, Beck’s eyes were attentive at the black drink and the tension was still over their shoulders, she could see it so easily that Poppy wished for someone to take that weight out of Beck, so she took both cups and put them aside, sitting over Beck’s lap and intertwining her fingers with theirs, playing with them. Beck smiled a little and took a deep breath.

"I started to realize something was off inside of me when I was in high school. I mean, ��till that day I was considered normal. I was the kind of child that played sports, climbed trees, and did hard work gladly. You know, average farm kid." Beck said, but even as they seemed to be calm, Poppy could feel the sweat in their palm, and a little shivering all over their body. "But I grow older and changes came, and puberty and—"

"Hey" Poppy stopped them from talking faster and faster. "You don't have to"

"I want to. " Beck interrupted, begging Poppy with their eyes. "I want you to know my past. I mean… if you want me to tell you, that is."

Poppy could have thought anything at that moment. She could have thought that she made it, that she had accomplished her very goal and knew she was about to have first-hand information to use against Farmsville, that she was spectacular for making it this far. She could have thought that now nobody would take her number one spot from her, or that she loved to have a new puppy to use in any way she wanted. But no.

All in what she could think about was Beck's heart opening up to her, trusting her for real this time. The connection intertwining both of them in a way that made her skin chill. Third alarm, but she muted it again.

"So? What are you waiting for? Go on." Poppy rolled her eyes, Beck had a goofy expression for a couple of seconds until Poppy smiled, squishing slightly their hands for reassurance. Beck's eyes glowed happily in which was the cutest gesture Poppy saw from someone that wasn't a dog in her entire life.

"I managed to handle myself a little for a while, but it definitely didn't last long. I was so afraid, I felt lost, and insecure. I didn’t know what was happening to me, why did I feel that way, trapped in my own skin... I stopped having friends because everyone could see how weird I was and nobody wanted to talk to me, except for this one girl: Bree Matthews."

Beck’s jaw tightened, their eyes wandering all over the place because of the nervousness.

“So, Bree and I started to hang out. Chill some time round. We were close, I mean, really, really close. She was the one who I told about my dysphoria first, and she was totally supportive. She helped me understand what I was going through, sometimes she would borrow her brother’s old clothes to give them to me and helped me pick my very first short haircut. Bree was my safe space in a town where I’d be mistreated just to use a bathroom. I kinda felt for her… so one night into the forest I kissed her. And~ it wasn’t a good idea.”

“What happened?”

“Well~ Daniel and his gang came into the picture and intimidated her, so she sold me as a pervert, a weirdo, among other… awful things. Can’t blame her, Daniel was a wrecked truck whenever he wanted so… yeah. My family found me eight hours after, all beat up from head to toes. I was unconscious and with an actually broken rib.” Beck tried to joke, but it was so bad at timing it actually made it worse for Poppy to hear. “I~ I almost die.” Beck sighed, as if with that they could put all that behind. “Anyway so she apologized to me through a phone call because she wanted to kiss me too but, you know, shit happens; I got better and now I’m in New York doing what I love so… Happy ending, right? It was funny, they didn’t let me use the bathroom but they all thought I was “male enough” to beat the crap out of me ever since.”

Poppy stopped playing with Beck’s hands, making them do the same. They told the end of the story so lightly as if they were talking about a T.V. show they just watched and not some really cruel harassment they went through for a long time. The strawberry blonde was a lot of things, bad things, but the things that beast did to Beck just because of their dysphoria? That was a whole new level that Poppy would never stoop into.

“How can you joke about things like that?”

“Well, I figured I had two ways to address the problem: Being insecure or making the most out of this. That’s why I do music. Yeah, my songs don’t talk about the transgender community directly, but I make sure everybody knows who am I. What I am. I write songs for people out there that feel just the same as I do. Not only transgender people, but the whole LGBTQ+ also needs representation! Folks having their back! And if I can reach at least one soul and show them that no matter how they were born, they can make it… Hell, I could die happily.”

The fire in their eyes, the passion radiating strongly from their body, from their words. It was impossible for Poppy to look away from Beck. Of course, Beck didn’t care about a spot in the T list, or and stupid award. Beck was more into their music, making their voice be heard. That was why they did claim to care less about competition, Beck was climbing their way to the top because of their conviction and resilience. It was curious how the more she learned about Beck, the more she felt drawn to them.

“You are so brave, do you know that?”

“And it only took me a delicate rib and trust issues.” Beck claimed proudly as if it was a bargain.

“Trust issues? Beck, you’re one of the most confident people l know!” They began to laugh, the blonde could feel their laughter below her because of the slight belly-shaking. “It’s irritating.”

“I am really amazing myself.” Poppy rolled her eyes at the flirty smirk Beck flashed towards her. “But I’m not insecure about myself… most of the time. I do have a hard time trusting in people. I mean, Daniel didn’t have a hold on me… Bree, on the other hand…” Beck shrugged. “But I do trust you, Poppy.”

Something inside the blonde felt off, those words accompanied by that good-natured smile made Poppy feel a bit guilty. Like, yeah, she was just trying to archive exactly that for her own benefit, it should feel like a win, right? But no.

“You haven’t done anything wrong, yet.” She said to herself. “For all we know, this is just some casual date.”

Maybe… give up? Maybe actually try and date Beck?

What could possibly go wrong?

“I trust you too, Beck.” She replied without a doubt. So she tossed her golden locks over one shoulder, leaning down to kiss Beck’s lips. She soon felt them kissing her back, sweetly, calmly at first but then it was obvious they both needed more than that. Poppy let go of Beck’s hands to place hers in their Beck, while they grabbed her by the waist. The heat soon took over her body, especially after they responded to it by biting Poppy’s bottom lip, making her moan. Poppy knew right away there was a change in Beck’s behavior, they were more confident, more secure, they actually felt ready and she had to say, that was a very welcome and pleasing development. But they were shaking still.

“What 's wrong? You don’t want to—?”

“No. No, it 's not it. It 's just…” Beck took a deep breath avoiding Poppy's gaze for a second before looking at her pleading while keeping hold on her. “I don’t want you to see me differently when you look at what I have beneath the clothes.” They confessed.

“I won’t. I promise.” She said, caressing the hair in the back of their nape. “This is just you, with all letters.” She smirked, trying to lighten the mood and she succeeded. Beck grinned from ear to ear, relieved, kissing her passionately, hungry and the Poppy did the same, tasting their tongue with hers. The caresses between the two became more intense and she couldn’t stand the fever growing anymore, so she took the edges of their favorite black t-shirt and pulled up, revealing Beck torso for the very first time.

She understood right away what Beck meant. Cutting through their chest there it was a thin, darker line, a scar that was slowly healing, but nevertheless it was there easy to pinpoint. It was strange, she had seen a lot of those mastectomy scars on google but Beck chest looked different somehow, strong, gym crafted, and the scar actually was interesting, sexy even.

“I don’t know what you were so scared of, Hughes. Hell, you’re hot as fuck, I hate you.”

Beck chukled, their confidence coming back.

“Yeah, well… There is not an ugly part on this body afterall.” They grinned.

“I’m going to erase that obnoxious smirk of yours.”

“You will?” Beck grabbed a hold on Poppy’s hair and pulled slightly but demanding backwards, exposing her neck to them to kiss and lick, causing a shaking sigh that turned the heat even higher for both. “Show me then.” They whispered over her skin, their breath brushing bristling her body.

Poppy pushed them down on the couch, kissing them hardly. This was war now, and she would definitely win.

----

Next

[ateezmakemeweep]

if you’re not busy, can i pls request a ateez reaction with y/n sketching them out during either sport practice, at the library, park, etc. and they end up seeing it and you get all flustered and shy uwu

❥ kim hongjoong

during free period, there was always one place you could find hongjoong. 

you peek your head in the empty music room, the boy’s small frame hunched over the piano as he plays on the keys before scribbling messily on a sheet of paper. you let out a quiet sigh, knowing that this is the only time he has to eat or drink but refuses to spend his free time doing anything else but music. 

you walk over silently, greeting him with a small smile as you sit down and push a tray of food in front of him. “please eat it as some point,” you whine as you open your sketchbook, his lowly mumbled “i will,” not at all making you feel confident. 

and with good reason because the entire time you draw, he doesn’t stray his attention from the keys or his notebook. and you know this for a fact because you’ve been watching him for the past 30 minutes, sketching the slope of his nose and handsome features of his face before you even realized it. 

and much to your luck, when you’re finished up, that’s when hongjoong decides to put down his pencil and stretch his arms in front of him. “what have you been up to?” you hear him ask you, your face snapping up and flushing when he’s looking at you knowingly. 

“no-nothing!” you stutter. but before you can slap the book shut, he peeks over and sees the profile of his face, his head lowered and a focused expression sketched in grey, lightly smudged graphite. 

“cute,” he mumbles, smiling when your face turns pink and you throw your pencil at his arm. 

❥ park seonghwa

you don’t know when you and seonghwa decided to start eating in the library. 

it could’ve had something to do with that fact that his and your chaotic friends were too much for both of you, the odds of a food fight or loud bickering back and forth far too common. you both enjoyed the time out of class to be calm and quiet, seonghwa usually reading or playing on his phone while you practiced your sketches or art projects. 

today, you were having trouble. you couldn’t quite set the tone of the piece, letting out a quiet groan as you erased marking after marking. you decided to ditch the landscape all together after that, looking around the room to see if anything else sparked some inspiration. 

and there it sits in front of you, seonghwa sitting there flipping through the pages of a book. his shoulders were relaxed and his face was pulled into a soft smile, chewing at his food and your pencil started moving before your brain could even keep up. 

seonghwa looked up and smiled when he saw you at work, his eyes narrowing as he noticed you had the sketchpad lifted away from him. he waits until the scratches are less frantic, your face less focused as you shade in parts of whatever you drew. 

“what’d it end up being?” his deep voice asked you, your head snapping up to look at him. and it’s like the second he sees your face, he knows. because the smirk that crosses his is far too teasing and amused, extending his arm out and looking at you pleadingly. “let me see.”

“no,” you snap, shaking your head as you hold it to your chest - how embarrassing. 

“c’mon, baby,” he whines, the term of endearment he throws around like it doesn’t hold so much power making you even more flustered. “let’s see what a good job you did.”

❥ jeong yunho

the substitute in your math class was about as useless as the subject matter. 

he assigned you three questions that would take even the most horrific students less than fifteen minutes, insisting that was the work assigned for today and to remain quiet for the rest of class. you roll your eyes as he looks over all of you, making sure no one has there phones out or is trying to pass notes. 

you and yunho meet gazes and he looks just as annoyed as you, placing his head down on his arms and shutting his eyes. in the time you’ve put your work away and pulled out your sketchbook, you’re pretty he’s actually fallen asleep. his eyelashes rest on his cheeks and his brow is furrowed every so slightly, your crossed legs turning in your seat as you start to draw the sleeping boy. 

class ends just as you start to shade, missing the loud ring of the bell as you focus in on making his face as peaceful and handsome as he looked. a looming figure above you causes you to jump, the model himself now awake and looking down at you with a smirk. 

your cheeks flush immediately and he bites his lip to hide his smile from widening, not wanting to embarrass you but also finding it incredibly cute and endearing. you press your lips into a firm line as you close the book immediately, about to blurt out an apology or explanation before he asks if he can walk you to your next class.

❥ kang yeosang

with half of the boys either out to lunch or getting extra help in the library, your lunch table was relatively quiet with only yeosang and jongho present. 

you zoned in and out of the boys conversation, speaking up when addressed directly or giggling when jongho insulted yeosang to the point of being smacked. you couldn’t help but admire the older boy’s sweet smile despite his violent acts, his eyes lighting up each and every time a laugh bubbles out of him. 

no one catches on to your looks up and down and the scribbling of your pencil until mingi and yunho come through the door, mingi’s hand ruffling your hair before he notices your sketchbook. “whoa!” his voice exclaims, your body stiffening as you try to cover the half-drawn portrait. “that’s so good, y/n! is that yeo-“

“stop!” you squeak, your face pink and heart pounding as you slam the sketchpad shut. everyone but yeosang gives you a strange look, his small smile reassuring you for the rest of the lunch that it was okay. 

“can i see it?” he mumbled in your ear when lunch was over, your cheeks still burning as you look up at him with a pout and shake your head in embarrassment. “pleaseee,” he whines, his deep chuckle bringing goosebumps to your skin when you smack him lightly with the book.

❥ choi san

san had planned a picnic for the both of you, sandwiches and fruit and little bars of chocolate filling the wicker basket at your feet.

laid out on the yellow blanket he’d brought, you rested on your stomach sketching him as he throws the tennis ball to your dog a few feet away in the grass. his dimples poked out as the sun shined down on him, your heart fluttering each and every time as you sketched out his handsome face. you giggled watching your dog jump up on san, the boy nearly toppling back as dirt got all over his black shirt. 

“i’m sorry,” you said softly when they came back, fishing through the basket for some spare napkins. but with your back turned, you left your book exposed and san’s eyes traveled over the drawing of him. he smiled looking over it, his eyes moving to you just as you turn around. “here you go, that should-“ your words get cut off when you see your sketch is visible, your cheeks flushing when you see him staring down at you.

“i-i’m sorry,” you say again, feeling creepy and weird that you were caught. he rolls his eyes and sits down in front of you, his hand going through a strand of your hair. 

“why are you sorry?” he asks with a small smile. he looks back down at the sketch and can’t help but shake his head, insisting he’s not that handsome and then apologizing that he doesn’t really look like that. you let out a scoff, throwing a piece of bread at him that your dog is quick to snatch up. 

❥ song mingi

you and mingi had been in the same spot at the empty cafe for hours, studying and finals completely consuming you guys. 

you stretch your arms out with a groan, moving your study guide aside to give your pounding head a break. mingi barely looks up from his laptop, working to finish the ten-page essay due tomorrow. it’s with that look of concentration, the light from his laptop softening his face that causes you to draw him. 

focusing on the way his hair hangs in his face, the plumpness of his chapped bottom lip and the way his eyes filter back and forth over the screen. you hear his chair scrape against the floor and look up to see him go over the counter, humming to yourself as you start to draw from memory. 

a tray smacking against the table causes you to jump, almost scribbling a stray line before you look down and see he got you a chocolate chip cookie. warmth spreads through your chest as look up to thank him, his eyes on the page and a smirk on his face. 

“who’s that?” he asks teasingly, watching your face drop and cheeks flush as you bury your face in your hands. he can’t help but chuckle when he hears you groan, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before silently making his way back to the computer. 

❥ jung wooyoung

given that wooyoung was usually your ride home, being neighbors and all, you frequently found yourself sitting in the gym watching his basketball practice. 

he was like a completely different person when he played, his happy smile and playful demeanor gone as a completive edge and focus overtook him. he stood tall and confident, his exposed arms looking muscular and fit. you can see the blank ink under his rib, biting your lip as you take out your sketchbook and draw out his body and face.

it proves difficult as he keeps bouncing from one side of the court to another but when he’s standing still for about two minutes, his head thrown back as he gulps down water and his adams apple bobs, you know you’re about to get a fairly good sketch. 

you clean it up and shade to the best of your ability, only feeling a little bit bothered by the way he starts to sweat and pant heavily. you miss the way he’s been watching you, a smirk on his face as you look down concentrated with your teeth digging into your lip. 

“what’re you drawing today?” you hear him ask breathlessly, the white towel slung over his shoulder making you gulp. you shake your head and mumble “nothing,” knowing if he sees it, he’s gonna scream and pinch your cheeks and embarrass you. 

he sees the way you get nervous, a smirk crossing his lips as he tries to peak down. “c’mon, y/n, share with the class.” he tries to take the sketchbook out of your hand but you cave in on yourself, closing it as you cover it with your chest and making it even more obvious you were drawing something. 

“you’re no fun,” he whines, your eyes narrowing at him because why does have to be so annoyingly hot and when did he even get that tattoo? 

❥ choi jongho

with an injury to your ankle but demands from your cheer coach to sit in on practice, you currently sat on the bleachers facing the football field. 

you watched your squad practice the moves you’ve been doing since the beginning of the year, letting out an annoyed huff before your eyes move to the football field. particularly on player number eight, the jersey that reads choi every friday night when, more often than not, he scores at least one touchdown. 

but now he’s standing on the field with his team members and coach, his arms crossed over his chest as you find yourself itching to reach for your sketchbook. you and the boy are fairly close due to how often you see each other, one of the only nice and respectable jocks in this school. 

but even so, you’d be mortified if he saw your book right now. the way you draw his broad shoulders and chest, his arms stretched over them as you bite your lip in concentration and focus in on all the little details you’ve come to notice at parties and after practice. 

you’re so focused on sketching and shading and tweaking the boy’s stance and face that you’re completely ignorant of the whistles blowing around you, signaling the boy’s are free to go and walking past the cheerleaders to go down to the locker room. 

you jump when you hear your name being called, jongho just a few feet away from you as he walks toward the bleachers. your frantic reaction causes the book to fall from your lap, wincing and blushing when, before you can reach down and grab it, he picks it up for you. 

his eyes linger over the drawing for a few seconds, breaths caught in your throat as you feel about ready to explode or burst into tears. but then he only smiles sweetly down at you, turning the page over just as another team member comes up and smacks him on the back. 

“what’s that?” you hear the random boy ask, your eyes immediately moving to him. 

“nothing,” jongho responds casually, handing the book back to you with a knowing glint in his eyes. “just something that belongs to her.” you stare wide eyed at the boy’s back as he retreats toward the building, finally getting air in your lungs before he ruins it again by turning around and winking at you.

[stillness-in-green]

Idk if anyone told you but the MVA OST leaked, with themes for both the League and the MLA. If you haven't listened to it yet, please do! And if you have, what are your thoughts? I think Mine Woman and RE-DESTRO slap for 2 characters that got shafted hard by canon so I appreciate them a lot.

I have listened to them, and I like several of them! I feel like I need to lead with that, because I'm about to add some criticism about my previous responses to BNHA's score for context, so it's important to know that I genuinely do enjoy quite a few of these.

So, I haven't listened to a lot of Yuki Hayashi's scores, but he's definitely done work I've liked! He composed the music for several of the more recent PreCure shows, including their movies; I particularly loved his finale for the 15th anniversary film, which prominently featured a truly delightful medley of every team's opening theme. I'm also very fond of some of his pieces for Kiznaiver and Welcome to the Ballroom.

His BNHA work, though, I feel like suffers from two main problems: the tracks are too short to work up a good head, and yet, despite that short length, they sometimes feel exhaustingly over the top. (Did Shigaraki's theme really need crying children to get across the point that he's bad news?) I've long felt that the BNHA anime wants me to feel like everything is way more Epic and Stirring and Dramatic than I actually find the material to be, so curiously, the music winds up having a distancing effect rather than drawing me in. This is frequently compounded by placement choices that feel so staggeringly poor that I'm often left wondering whether the staff chose the music out of a hat! (Seriously, why does a fairly rote test of character in Nighteye's office warrant doom choirs?)

As to the MVA tracks specifically, I wish there could have been tracks that sounded a bit more fun or heroic, given that the League in MVA really are the heroes for the arc, complete with Shigaraki suddenly having access to Shonen Nakama Tropes and getting all these little comedic reaction takes. It'd be nice if the music could cue in and let the League have some aural triumph without being all doom all the time ("Oh, no! The villains are winning!" Yes, they are; let them have this for one arc, would you?)

But that said, I do rather like most of these! There are some that I do suspect will fall prey to the This Is Too Much Drama, Would You Please Ratchet Back? problem, but there are also some that I can imagine playing better in the context of the show than they do in isolation, and some that feel like they could even be exactly what I was dreaming about, if they go where I hope they will. For some individual thoughts, see below:

The Mission of the Stealth Hawks: A reasonable enough little tense atmospheric piece. Doesn't jump out at me.

Different Ability Liberation Army: I always approach the MLA as styling themselves as an army, but in reality being more of a sect--far more cult than militia-- I appreciate that if they can't have a good dramatic march despite having Army, like, right there in the title, I'm glad I could get church bells instead. On the whole, though, this is a good example of the first problem I mentioned having with Hayashi's work for BNHA--his pieces tend to be pretty short, and it takes them so long to land on a melody that by the time they find one, there's hardly any time to develop it before the song ends. Even a lot of the hero pieces are like that, and the villain songs, even more so. That said, I do like the horror strings that creep in around the 1.25 mark, blossom at 1.45, and float on through 2.10. I just wish they went on longer. Admittedly, "erratic church bells and horror strings" is still not the choice I would have made for the MLA's main theme. I really would have preferred something with a more militant air; as it is, this sort of feels like it scores a creepy prologue that plays before the opening credits kick in and then the episode proper starts. Which isn't a bad description for the way the dinner scene played in the manga, but thanks to the anime's decision to reshuffle everything, I don't think that dinner scene's going to maintain that feeling of "prologue" when we finally get to it.

My Villain Academia: Better on the melodic front; I enjoy the drama at .43, the dancing tension at 1.05, and particularly the minor strings from 1.25 that just keep climbing until everything else drops out around 2.10. I do wish it found a better place to end rather than noodling on for a further thirty seconds, but the melody will get a more central, and more bombastic, treatment in the final track, so it's probably okay for it to trail off here. (It's also apparently a reprise of a villain theme from the very first season's OST, which is rad. More on that in the Track 11 blurb.)

Second Coming: This is a bizarre one because, while I complained that Hayashi's BNHA tracks are usually short, this one is a full six and a half minutes--except that it falls clearly into movements of about a minute each, with clear lulls in between. I wish it was twelve minutes and everything was twice as long! As it is, I'm highly doubtful that we're going to hear this one played in its entirety anywhere, since I can't imagine what scenes would require this specific sequence of musical passages at this length. 0.00 - 1.01: I love that the song kicks in comparatively quickly; the first minute's passage has a great, thrumming drive that very nearly hits major key towards the end. 1.02 - 1.53: The drive picks up pace in the second minute before the chorus arrives, and for once, I am very prepared to love a BNHA choir piece. I hope this is what plays when Deika's going up in ash. 1.54 - 3.01: I love the melodic line being carried by the intentionally hard to distinguish violin and whatever brass instrument the violin's trading off with in the third minute. It's bit out of place with the rest of the track, but I like it quite a bit on its own, and it does have a similar sound as some of the "dirty" brass in RE-DESTRO and Mine Woman. It's probably too long for RD's childhood flashback, but I wonder if it'll play for an MLA character somewhere? 3.02 - 4.07: The fourth minute has some very fun drums, but otherwise doesn't jump out at me as much of the rest of the track. I'm very curious to know when this will play, though. 4.08 - 5.32: The fifth minute, god bless, has some proper march drums--I like this passage a lot, particularly when it come back in the sixth minute accompanied by the choir. I like this because the key is minor but it's not "oooo scaaaary" minor; it's more dramatic, a bit tragic, but triumphant too--pretty much perfect for Re-Destro, Spinner and Machia's moment of revelation in the crater. I wish it were longer. 5.33 - 6.36: And here for the end we're back to the driving guitar and some fun low-thrum strings and percussive chain sounds. Like the fourth passage, it's fun, but jumps out at me less, particularly as the song's finale.

Gigantomachia: This is an extremely boss kaiju song. Seriously, that brass in the opening could come right out of a Toho flick. Extremely good walking calamity number, love that distorted synth stuff towards the end. It's going to sound great when (if) it plays over Machia leaving the villa, the hand rising up through the floor behind Toga, Momo and the other students surveying the desolation left in his wake, and so on. (I know that's all Season Six material, shhhh. I hope they use this piece there.)

Mine Woman: This is so fun. And so extremely superior that that awful Christmas insert song! I'm glad Curious got this at least, and I love the moment the beat drops at the one-minute mark, and that interwoven sax. So good. It's hard to imagine the fight between Toga and Curious being paced to this song, mind, but it's real good, anyway.

TOGA's Nature: This one showcases the other problem I have with Hayashi's BNHA work, especially his stuff for the villains: it feels very on the nose in a way that tips over into being Too Much. The birdsong, I think, is on the nose but in an effective, playful way, with the natural beauty of the birds undercut by the lovely but ominous piano/synth melody. I am considerably less kindly disposed to the creepy child laughter, which just feels on the nose in a thuddingly obvious way--though I do like the way it slides in when the birdsong fades. I like, too, the sort of cloudy roaring reprise of the melodic line that kicks in around the 1.10 mark. It feels like an effective echo of Toga--cute but creepy as a young girl, and then, after she snaps, creepy in the same way but now you can't ignore it.

Symbol of Fear: The beginning doesn't do much for me, but I enjoy the howl that gives way to the organs at 1.15; while it's too action-heavy to be Tenko, the transition does still put me in mind of Tenko wandering the streets, internally crying for anyone to help him, and the person who finally does is--well. I like that the organ nurtures that howl into something considerably more dire, though you still get a return to that guttural cry periodically. While it is, again, difficult to imagine this scoring the scenes between AFO and Tenko's first meeting and Tenko being formally named Tomura--it's much too bombastic--it does still feel like an excellent representation of AFO sculpting Tomura's formless, aimless rage into something that really could tear down the world.

I Don't Kill My Friends: It would have been really nice if they'd let the most significant, unadulterated personal triumph of the arc sound actually fun. Why does the Sad Man's Parade song sound so upset?? @aysall predicts that it'll play over Twice's confrontation with Hawks and death scene, and I can see it working extremely well there, but it's a pretty weird call for the Dead Man's Parade bit, if that is indeed what this is intended to evoke. Quibbling about the title aside, I do like the way this pulses and throbs, something like an exposed wound, which is not a bad description of poor Jin's mentality. I still hope this isn't what scores his breakthrough, though. As I said previously, the villains are the heroes for just this one arc, and it'd be nice if the score could reflect that at least a little.

RE-DESTRO: I like this one a lot. I love the interwoven layers of that dirty sax and the Big and Dramatic orchestral strings + brass, but both of them undercut with that regular, machine beeping that could almost be a heart monitor, but mostly isn't--right up until the long beep at 1.52/1.53. It feels like a strong illustration of the titular character's different personas--his attempts at casual, friendly villainy (like menacing Giran or chatting with Shigaraki on the phone), him when he's thundering full-volume about the weight of his legacy at people (THE BLOOD OF DESTRO FLOWS THROUGH THESE VEINS I AM RE-DESTRO), and, beneath it all, the constant little thread of stress that Rikiya can never escape (right up until Shigaraki). I probably wouldn't love it so much in isolation, but I'm easy to win over with the right character association. XD

Paranormal Liberation Front: Very fun grubby guitar intro. It also has much the clearest melodic throughline, which inclines me towards it. What inclines me to it even more is the knowledge (per @aysall again) that it's the same main melody as the track Villains Theme from the very first season's OST. That track already having used its allotted Doom Choir quotient, this track makes do with less synth and a lot more orchestra and chunky bass backing, which is much to its benefit, I feel. I do wish it had any of the MLA's theme in it, to represent the merger, but admittedly, it'd be hard to make that very audible when the MLA theme has…next to no central melody, percussive rhythm, etc. Still, as an evolution of the League to something bigger, classier, and far more dangerous, it's real good--just long enough to develop into itself and explore its central leitmotif. Probably my favorite track simply on its own merits.

Thanks for the ask, anon! I'd listened to the tracks once driving around for work, but sitting down with them properly gave me a greater appreciation for them, and now I'll definitely have an ear out for them when we get to this material in the anime…

….whenever that winds up being. *sob*

[sinceileftyoublog]

Tribulation Interview: Shadow Sounds

Photo by Ester Segarra

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Ever since I saw Swedish goth metal band Tribulation open for the much more outwardly macho Cannibal Corpse and Behemoth in 2015, I’ve been impressed by their steadfast commitment to their spectral aesthetic, even when surrounded by the most brutish of metalheads. Their new album, the appropriately titled Where the Gloom Becomes Sound, feels like the apex of their interests and style: mythological themes, magic sounds, sparkling and rising songs that are as meaty as they are layered and complex. Opener “In Remembrance” begins with spooky arpeggios before chugging drums and guitars kick it into high gear, buoyed by lead singer Johannes Andersson’s icy growls. Creaking piano interludes like “Lethe” are just as essential to the album’s mood as guitar-forward rockers like “Hour of the Wolf” and “Daughter of the Djinn”. And the louder songs don’t so much build to a crescendo as gallop to them on the back of drummer Oscar Leander, falling back gently. Simply speaking, Tribulation can do it all, and Where the Gloom Becomes Sound is just the latest evidence.

Guitarist Jonathan Hultén composed most of the songs on the record but happened to amicably leave the band late last year, replaced by Joseph Tholl from VOJD (who plays on opener “In Remembrance”). The band’s still committed to properly rolling it out, as it’s released on Metal Blade next Friday. Last week, I called guitarist Adam Zaars (who just had a child a month ago and spoke from a Sweden facing some travel restrictions due to both COVID-19 and a large amount of snow) to speak about why Where the Gloom Becomes Sound still feels like an album that belongs to Tribulation as a whole. Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: The circumstances surrounding the new album are unique, since it was mostly written by Jonathan, and then he left the band. Have you found it difficult to move on from that and take in the album and present it without him?

Adam Zaars: Yes and no. It’s still a Tribulation album. It just so happened that Jonathan wrote more songs on this one. He wrote 7, and I wrote 3. For the previous two albums, we kind of split it 50/50, more or less. The album before that, I did most of it. We still make every song into a Tribulation song at the end of it, as a collective effort, somehow. It still feels like an album with Tribulation songs and not an album with Jonathan’s songs. To that extent, it’s not really that strange. Then again, he did quit, and now we have our new guitar player, Joseph. In a way, I just want to start writing a new album with him and the rest of the guys. [laughs] There’s also that aspect to it, kind of wanting to start something new.

SILY: The context and themes of the record include myths and magic. Do you find it necessary to really dive into that to fully understand or appreciate the album?

AZ: It’s not anything new to us. For some reason, the bio makes it seem like it’s a big thing now. It’s always been [a big thing]. But it’s an apt language, I guess, to use in a Tribulation context. We’re not a political band. We’re trying to express something that’s quite difficult to describe in words. Since we’re doing that with the music, drawing on myth and religion and the like, it just kind of feels like it comes from the same world. That’s really why we’re doing it. It isn’t mundane at all. The opposite, I guess.

SILY: The way you use your instruments, there is a certain magical aspect to it. On “Funeral Pyre”, the guitar takes on an almost theremin-like quality, and on “Leviathans”, the actual sound of the instrumentation is like a leviathan and crashing waves. Did you take those ideas and the love for mysticism all the way into your instrumentation?

AZ: Yeah, kind of. The thing you hear on “Funeral Pyre”, it is a guitar, but we’ve had this idea that we always wanted to use a saw that makes a similar eerie, ghastly sound. That’s where the idea came from. We didn’t end up using a saw--we used a guitar instead. But definitely, sounds like that have an otherworldly quality to them.

SILY: Have you ever seen someone play a saw live?

AZ: Have I?...I don’t think so.

SILY: There’s a street performer in Knoxville, TN who plays one. It’s crazy to watch how that can create that sound.

AZ: I would love to see that.

SILY: Is Joseph trying to learn these songs at the moment? Are you preparing to play them in some capacity, or looking more forward to writing new material?

AZ: He’s done some. We just recorded a video for “Funeral Pyre”. But we’re so busy with promoting the album at the moment, so we haven’t really rehearsed, which is kind of strange, I guess. We played with Joseph for so many years in the past. Me and Joseph started our first band together when we were 13. He’s definitely going to learn the songs. We’re not going to view this album as something that shouldn’t have happened. We all view it as a Tribulation album. Hopefully, we’ll play them live too, when that happens.

SILY: To what extent did you use the sequencing of songs to tell a narrative, whether a concrete narrative or a broad one?

AZ: The only thread running through the album, that’s also a bit conflated in the bio, is the idea of the five elements. We do write about it in the lyrics. Jonathan had been reading about the five elements of Western esoteric tradition, and at the same time, I was reading about the five elements of some Indian traditions. As we always do, we used what we had because of the synchronicity. We’d both been naming our songs as working titles, like “Fire”, “Water”. [laughs] Because of that, it was apparently something that we should be exploring or using. That’s really the only underlying theme of the album.

SILY: Was there anything different about the process of writing these songs and coming up with their different arrangements and tempos as compared to with your previous records?

AZ: Not really, I would say. You always think about trying to get the songs in somewhat different tempos and keys and what not. I always find myself worrying about, “Oh no! All the songs are in the same key!” Then, I go back to them and realize that isn’t actually the case. It has a way of working itself out on its own, and I don’t think it was any different on this album.

SILY: Tell me about the stories behind the videos for “Hour of the Wolf” and “Leviathans”.

AZ: The “Leviathans” video, we worked with a guy from Gothenburg, and he had made a video for Dark Tranquility. He made that whole video just by using their front cover, animated. We were really impressed by what he had done with it. He had also done some really cool cover art for Graveyard and a few other bands. The first idea was to build on the cover and let him play around with the illustrations in the album booklet. He did that, started doing that, and it was clear to me when I saw what he was sending that it would be much better if he just did whatever he wanted because the images that I sent him and the ones he made on his own didn’t really match. He just made the video in his studio by focusing on this watery side of the lyrics and the idea of this leviathan.

The second video, we recorded with an old friend of ours, who also did the video for “Strange Gateways Beckon” back from The Children of the Night. We went out to a castle a the lake, not too far from Stockholm, on a really, really cold day. [laughs] You can see that in the video from Johannes’ breath. We just built on the theme of that song, to some extent, at least. “The Hour of the Wolf” is the ghost hour, we say in Sweden, the early morning when you can’t sleep when the demons and anxiety come. We built around the more ghastly kind of theme of it. Johannes really went into character in that video in a way I hadn’t seen him do before, which was really cool.

SILY: What’s the inspiration behind the cover art? 

AZ: No inspiration, I would almost say. You can’t really connect the title, the cover, and the lyrical content in a satisfactory way. That was the idea behind it. The title, Where the Gloom Becomes Sound, is the basic thing we’d been trying to do since our first album, which of course reflects what we’re trying to do with the music. The same goes for the cover. It spoke to us. It came about because we were in the studio discussing the cover and the title, and we never really have any of that finished until the album was almost finished. That was the case this time around as well. We always try to make the studio as Tribulation-friendly as possible, to decorate it somewhat. Johannes had brought a poster he hung up in the control room, and it kind of dawned on all of us that we already had the cover--it was right there. Luckily, it seemed like no one else had used it before, and hopefully, nobody uses it in the future. It’s a pretty cool piece of art by this Belgian artist. Supposedly, it doesn’t exist anymore. My first idea was to find it and take our own picture of it, but it probably got destroyed in the war. The photo you see on the cover is from the late 19th century, a print in an art magazine. It already kind of has this antique vibe to it, which works well with what we’re trying to express in general.

SILY: Are you planning on eventually touring these songs, or doing livestreams or socially distant shows?

AZ: We do have a tour booked. It was supposed to happen now, in January and February, but it’s supposedly happening in September/October. We don’t know whether it’s gonna happen or not. But we’re still hoping. It’s a tour of Europe. It all depends on what’s happening. If the plague continues, I guess we’ll have to do some kind of a live stream. We started thinking about doing that at this point. At first, we didn’t really want to do it, because what we had seen so far [from others’ streams] wasn’t really what we wanted to do. But of course, we could always do it our way. If we’re not gonna tour, we’re definitely gonna stream something, and even if we do tour, we might end up streaming something anyway.

SILY: Have you thought about how you’re gonna adapt these songs to a live setting?

AZ: Yeah, I think it’s gonna work fairly well. I’m remaining positive it’s going to work...“The Hour of the Wolf” is a basic rock song, really, and some of the other ones are a bit more complex, I guess. Then again, we’ve managed to do it before, so I’m not that worried about it, really.

SILY: What else is next for the band?

AZ: Not entirely sure. Again, it really depends on what the current situation evolves into. Who knows? Regardless, since we’re a new band right now with Joseph, myself, personally, I really want to write some new material. It seems silly: The album isn’t even out. We recorded it in May and June, but that seems like ages ago. This year has been the longest year ever. It’s a bit early for [new music]. [But] you have to take advantage of enthusiasm and creative bursts when they reach you. I feel like we’re in one of those right now.

SILY: Is the band currently able to gather in the same room and collaborate in person?

AZ: Yeah. I recently moved away from Stockholm, so I’m about 4 hours away from them. It’s difficult to travel, of course, but me and Joseph have had some rehearsals over Skype [for “Funeral Pyre”.] That’s one way of doing it. We could still be in the same room. There aren’t any restrictions saying we can’t as long as we’re all symptom-free and all that. But I wouldn’t really want to get on a train right now.

SILY: Anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading lately that’s caught your attention?

AZ: Yeah, I watched the new series by John Turturro about Umberto Eco’s book The Name of the Rose, which is one of my favorite books ever. I kind of like the old movie version with Sean Connery--it’s got a fantastic soundtrack. This one has 8 episodes. Even though it can’t really compete with the book, I thought it was pretty good. It has all the ingredients I want: theological discussions and monks and just being Medieval in general.

[swanbedandchill]

A Tale of Two Theatre Kids

Sophomore student, Phoenix gets the leading female role in her high school's production of, "Faust." Phoenix meets a fellow junior student named, Winslow, who's serving as the undertstudy for the original set instrumentalist. The two meet by duetting a song together, that has a very special place in both their hearts.

This is my first ever fanfic for Phantom of the Paradise, which I recently watched for the first time, and instantly fell in love with it! But I hope whoever reads this enjoys it. Hopefully I will be able to write more for this soon. :)

“Faust” the musical for two nights only! April 19-20 at 8:00-10:30.

Some of the signs read, that were posted up on the walls of Webber High School, reminding everyone about the school’s production of the rock musical “Faust.” Which sophomore student Phoenix had the leading female role in, and she couldn’t be any more excited about it. At first, she wasn’t too sure if she was good enough to get any role in the play, let alone the lead! But she did, and Phoenix was so looking forward to opening night. And she couldn’t help but smile proudly each time she saw her named printed on the cast list part of the production posters.

It was sometime after school when Phoenix and the other Faust cast members were to stay after for the second to last final acting, and dressing rehearsals. Phoenix greeted some of her co-stars as she passed by them, which some responded kindly, but there were others who weren’t too happy that she got the role as the lead female. Phoenix was always known to be the quiet type, but with a strong voice, and a strong passion for singing. She always kept to herself, and never encouraged any of the gossip, or drama that happened within the school walls. But the main reason why some of the girls in their theatre class acted so jealous, and bitter towards her, was because not only did Phoenix get to be the leading lady, but it also meant that she would not only have plenty of scenes with Swan, but would also have to play his love interest.

Swan was a popular junior boy at their high school. Being brought up from a rich family background, who had a very strong run, and high status in their theatre classes since his freshmen year there. Swan ironically also had a thing for Phoenix, which a lot of girls of course questioned, for they didn’t see her as the, “type that people would want to win or chase after.” Phoenix discovered Swan’s feelings towards her, despite their popularity statuses in school, sometime after she’d found out she had a part in the play. Swan often liked to hit on her by giving her compliments for her singing, or tell her how pretty she looked. Although she didn’t have any feelings for him to give to him in return. Phoenix tried her best to give him the hint that she wasn’t interested by simply telling him, “thank you,” or by trying to completely avoid him after rehearsals. Especially if they’ve just finished an intimate scene together.

But, unfortunately for Phoenix, Swan had a weird thing for girls who liked to play hard to get. And avoiding him was going to be a lot harder than she thought...

Phoenix made her way inside one of the shared dressing rooms, there were a few other girls already inside who were fixing their costumes and makeup on, while conversating with each other. They kindly greeted Phoenix when she’d entered the room. Phoenix greeted them back, before sitting her school bag down on one of the chairs, and extracted her song folder that had all of the lyrics to the play in it. She flipped through some of the pages before finally deciding on rehearsing the song, “Old Souls” first.  

Everyone had fifty minutes to ready themselves, and now had at least thirty minutes before rehearsals began. Phoenix, who had just gotten fixed in her costume, which was a beautiful majestic white dress with sheer sleeves, and some silver pearls. As Phoenix made her way out of her dressing room, she noticed that Swan had already arrived to rehearsals. Usually he showed up fashionably late. On purpose... But nope, here he was talking to some very giggly flirtatious girls, and showing off in front of his other male co-stars. Phoenix didn’t want to have to deal with him right now, so she quickly held up her folder to cover her face with it, before turning around and making her way to the backstage area.

Phoenix made it backstage and away from the crowd, and began to hear what sounded like someone playing the piano on stage. She heard a voice singing along to the smooth melody, but it wasn’t any voice that she’d recognized.  

“I was not myself last night couldn't set things right with apologies or flowers Out of place as a cryin' clown who could only frown and the play went on for hours And as I lived my role, I swore I'd sell my soul for one love Who would stand by me and give me back the gift of laughter One love who would stand by me and after making love we'd...”

Dream a bit of style We'd dream a bunch of friends Dream each other's smile And dream it never ends...”

Phoenix closed her eyes for a moment, as she took in the sweet sounds of the mysterious singer working their magic on the keys. Phoenix finally decided to see who it was making that sound, peaking her head from behind the curtains. Winslow Leach, a boy with shoulder-length dirty blonde hair, wearing thick glasses, and basic clothing. He seemed so plain and average looking, but had all of the true talent and potential to make up for it.  

Phoenix also took notice to the fact that Winslow was playing the title song, “Faust” as he worked his fingers skillfully on the piano keys. And she had to admit that his version sounded a lot better, and far more natural than how Swan sang it.  

“I was not myself last night in the morning light I could see the change was showing Like a child who was always poor reaching out for more I could feel the hunger growing And as I lost control, I swore I'd sell my soul for one love Who would sing my song and fill this emptiness inside me One love who would sing my song and lay beside me while we'd...

Dream a bit of style We'd dream a bunch of friends Dream each other's smile And dream it never ends...”

Phoenix smiled blissfully as he continued to sing, and it all seemed so strange to her. “Who was this guy? Had he always been a part of theatre classes? And why haven’t I seen him around before?” She thought to herself, and she also assumed that he had to have been a senior, or at least a junior. Winslow seemed so skilled at what he was doing, or maybe he was just that talented. Either way, Phoenix knew that she had to know more about him.  

“All my dreams are lost and I can't sleep And sleep alone could ease my mind All my tears have dried and I can't weep Old emotions may they rest in peace and dream, dream a bunch of friends Rest in peace, and dream, dream it never ends...”

Winslow sang the final words of the song, happily smiling to himself as he did so. Phoenix really wanted to applaud him, but didn’t want disturb him. So instead she just watched him curiously as he reached for the sheet music that he had propped up on the placeholder, before sitting it on top of the piano, and began to play a different song that he knew by heart. Winslow began playing the title song to, “The Phantom of the Opera.” Which is a song made for two people to sing together as a duet. Phoenix gasped when she heard him playing that familiar tune. The Phantom of the Opera was Phoenix’s favorite musical, and how ironic it was that this boy was playing it. The music sounded a bit odd, since the original music is typically played on an organ, but nevertheless, Winslow was making it work. Phoenix couldn’t keep silent anymore, and out of nowhere started singing the first verse to the song, which is sung by the lead female character, Christine in the musical.

[Phoenix]

"In sleep he sang to me, in dreams he came. That voice which calls to me, and speaks my name. And no I Dream again? For now I find. The Phantom of the Opera is there, inside my mind...”

Winslow was startled at first by the sudden female voice that began singing out of nowhere. But to him the voice sounded so beautiful and unique, that he found it difficult to stop playing the instrumental music in the background for whoever was singing along to it. Winslow wanted to turn around to see who it was, but decided that it was best to keep things a mystery, just like in the actual musical itself. And now it was his turn to sing the male verse in the song, which is sung by the Phantom character.

[Winslow]

“Sing once again with me our strange duet My power over you grows stronger yet. And though you turn from me, to glance behind. The Phantom of the Opera is there, inside your mind...”

Phoenix smiled as she could feel the power of the music in the tone of Winslow’s voice possessing her, they were practically reenacting the scene where the Phantom takes Christine to his lair, together. It made her wish that their school had decided to go with The Phantom of the Opera, rather than the one that they’d already been rehearsing, and working hard for to make happen. Phoenix and Winslow continued to mysteriously play along with each other, as they continued to sing their verses.

[Phoenix]

Those who have seen your face, draw back in fear. I am the mask you wear...”

[Winslow]

“It’s me they hear...”

[Both]  

“Your/my spirit and my/your voice, in one combined The Phantom of the Opera is there Inside my/your mind...”

Phoenix held her hands over where her heart would be located, after they’d completed a verse together. Winslow’s smiled grew after his voice and Phoenix’s finally consummated together for the song, encouraging him to keep going, and give it his all as if he were performing for an actual live audience. And not just any audience in a school auditorium, someplace like Carnegie Hall, or some other grand theatre. Phoenix emerged herself from behind the curtains, and started walking towards him, but slowly for the anticipation.  

[Winslow]

"In all your fantasies, you always knew. That man and mystery...”

[Phoenix]

“Were both in you...”

[Both]

“And I’m this labyrinth, where night is blind. The Phantom of the Opera is here/there.

Inside my/your mind...”

[Winslow]

“Sing my angel of music...!”

[Phoenix]

“He’s there, the Phantom of the Opera...”

Phoenix started to vocalize her way through to the end of the song, with Winslow encouraging her in character, as she made her way closer and closer towards him.

[Winslow]

“Sing! Sing for me Sing, my Angel of Music! Sing for me...!”

Winslow commanded, as Phoenix hit the final high note, and finally made her way in front of him, so he could finally see the face that belonged to the beautiful voice. And was indeed met with a face that was just as beautiful as her voice.  

Winslow couldn’t help but stare at her in awe and amazement, as his hands slowly left the piano keys. Phoenix just chuckled from his reaction, both of them not knowing what to say to each other in that moment. It didn’t take long before Winslow finally realized that he’d been staring at her that whole time, and awkwardly turned his head away from her for a moment to get himself together. Clearing his throat, and adjusting his glasses as he did so.

“Oh! Um... I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean to stare... It’s just that I wasn’t expecting... Um... Hi, I'm Winslow. Winslow Leach.”

Winslow stammered out with an awkward smile, and Phoenix couldn’t help but giggle at his reaction.  

“Hi, I'm Phoenix, Phoenix Harper. And I think you have an amazing voice, Winslow.”

Phoenix smiled and said politely. Winslow couldn’t help but smile, and blush a little at her compliment towards him.

“Oh, well thank you, Phoenix. And I can say the same to you too, no wonder you got the leading lady role as Gretchen. You definitely deserved it.”

Winslow complimented back, and now it was Phoenix’s turn to start blushing.

“Well I'm glad someone thinks so, since not too many people were happy to hear that I got the part as the leading lady.”

Phoenix said with a hint of sadness in her voice, as she thought about the mean and unnecessary rude things her theatre peers have said to her.

“Well, forget about them. They’re just jealous of you.”

Winslow said defensively, and Phoenix just smiled and nodded politely.

“Thanks, and I've learned to just do me, and not pay any attention to them.”

“That’s good to hear.”

The two just smiled for a moment, not knowing what else to say to each other as that awkward, and shy tension started to build up again. Until Phoenix finally spoke up.

“So, Winslow, I didn't know that you were in theatre classes. I mean... I haven’t really seen you around, until now of course.”

“That’s because I'm sort of the understudy for the person who was originally set to play piano for the play. And since Sebastian, the set piano player couldn’t be here, I stepped in for the job.”

“And what happened to the last player, Sebastian?”

“I think they said he got sick with food poisoning... Or something like that at least.”

Winslow couldn't help but chuckle at that, and Phoenix couldn’t help but do the same.  

“Well, we’re all happy to have you here with us then, Winslow. I know I am.”

Phoenix said sincerely, with a warm smile spread across her face. Winslow smiled that same genuine smile as he moved his head around slightly, so he could cover some of his hair over his face, to hide the fact that he was blushing pink.

“And I'm happy to be playing for you all. For you, Phoenix.”

The two laughed a little at each other’s small yet kind words to each other, before things grew silent and awkward again between the two.

“Hey, Winslow, I know rehearsals don’t officially start until fifteen more minutes, but would you mind practicing with me for a little while? Just the two of us.”

Phoenix asked. Despite his nerdy appearance, there was something about him that she found really attractive. Maybe it was his talent, or maybe it was his charm, but all Phoenix knew was that she wanted to spend more time with him.  

Winslow was more than happy, and quick to answer that question. Wanting to spend more time getting to know Phoenix, and to just spend more time with her in general. Just the two of them together.

“Sure! I would like that very much.”

Winslow smiled up at her, before gesturing for her to take a seat right next to him at the piano. Phoenix did so, giggling a little like the giddy school girl that she was turning into for him. Winslow gave her a look that asked her if she was ready to begin, which Phoenix just smiled and nodded a yes, before Winslow started playing the instrumental to, “Old Souls.”

“Our love is an old love baby it's older than all our years I have seen in strange young eyes familiar tears We're old souls in a new life baby They gave us a new life to live and learn Some time to touch old friends and still return...”

As Phoenix sang, and Winslow worked his fingers on the keys, Swan, who had been watching them for quite a while from the backstage curtains, gave them both a menacing stare. More so towards Winslow, who had Phoenix willing singing and interacting with him, two of the things that Swan always failed to do with her. The sight of the two happily making the music come alive together, only made Swan feel increasingly jealous, and annoyed at the two. Swan just knew that he wasn’t going to let some nerdy loner take away his girl, and he planned on doing something about it too. Swan smiled, before silently making his way back to his dressing room, thinking to himself that Phoenix will be his by opening night.

[paradise-of-guilty-pleasures]

Shattered Reflections {24}

[Helsa RP- Fanfic]

Fandom: Frozen

Genre: Post-Frozen/ Canon Divergence

- Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Romance

Pairing(s): Hans/Elsa, Kristoff/Anna

Previous Chapter: 23. Cordially Invited

24. Hark the Harpist’s Harmony

"Should I move to the harp, then?" Hans hummed, with a playful smile. Perhaps he recognized that there might be some resistance to the idea of moving away-- from both of them. "I can be here for as long as you'll have me, my time is meaningless." He assured, lightly. He had all the time in the world.

"Yes, please do, play the harp I mean," Elsa nodded as she awkwardly shifted a bit more to sit up in her seat. Technically she  could  stay as long as she wanted as well, but that didn't mean she  should . What she should and probably would do was get some more paperwork done before supper, after concluding their tea time.

Hans smiled just a little, and nodded. He got up to move over to the harp, sitting up straight and adjusting himself to sit exactly the way one should while playing. He checked to make sure it was in tune, then began to play. It wasn't his  first  instinct, to play something happy. Indeed, usually he would default to something melancholy. But, for Elsa's sake, he searched for something  not  gloomy. He found something that, while not gloomy, wasn't happy, either. It was more mysterious, an intrigue. A half-remembered song from a foreign land that he transferred from whatever original instrument to a harp. He focused on the strings while he played, as focused on that as anyone could be, lost in the strings as it were.

Elsa was completely enthralled, the harp was indeed a beautiful instrument and Hans played it exquisitely. The tune he chose a lovely piece that was quite captivating and she wasn't sure how to describe it other than melodically magical. Perhaps magical wasn't the correct word for her to use considering she was the Magical Ice Queen herself, but the sounds of the harp somehow seemed to give off that particular sensation. She really hoped she wouldn't distract him by deciding to move closer to get a better view. Elsa carefully and quietly made her way to piano, and gently took a seat on the bench facing Hans. She really wanted to experience his wonderful playing with as many senses as possible. To be able to do that she had to take in every detail and study everything from his posture and breathing, the form in which his fingers meticulously strummed the strings and of course the concentration on his face.

 He glanced at her curiously as she moved closer, but his lip quirked just slightly, and he returned his focus, continuing to play. When one song ended, he only paused a moment before playing another. This time he hummed along, as if it had lyrics, but only half-remembered. It was a different style of song, a little lighter, a little friendlier, softer. Something that was, perhaps, attached to a memory of his. He seemed very much to allow himself to sink into his playing. Focused on the strings, and the thoughts behind them as the music became as natural as breathing in and out again. It had been a while since he played, but some things could be very deeply ingrained.

Elsa now sat leaning forward with her elbows near her knees and her hands cupping her face. Certainly not the proper posture for a Queen, but she was completely mesmerized by the music. After closely observing Hans for some time, she decided to close her eyes and just let music envelop her. The addition of his hum made the experience even more delightful, she could almost hear him singing even with the absence of words. With her eyes shut and completely absorbed by the song she hadn't taken notice that it was happening again, the same strange phenomenon as last night, a light flurry of fluttering snowflakes began to fall.

Hans almost jumped at the first snowflake to land on his hand, but he managed, and continued on. When he glanced at Elsa, he couldn't help but smile at how absorbed she seemed to be. He was sort of glad that she didn't ask too many questions about that song. 

 The third song was smaller, softer, more melancholy. Nervously, uncertainly, he took a breath. 

  "Who needs a dream?

Who needs ambition?  

Who'd be the fool, in my position?  

Once I had dreams, Now they're obsessions.

Hopes became needs, lover's possessions."  

 He sang softly but with feeling. His singing was beautiful, it had passion even at a low volume and sung shyly. He was someone who felt music, perhaps as much as Elsa did. He may not have been trained in singing, but he had a voice, and he had the training for the harp. He sang through a whole song of passion and uncertainty and the unexpected nature of life. 

  "But what's the point,  

if I'm concealing  

not only love, all other feeling?"  

 He knew the words by rote, perhaps he wasn't thinking about them. He stayed focused on the strings, and though the song was sad, it was warming, in its way. Melancholy could be a positive feeling, too. He only hoped Elsa felt that, too.

Elsa was surprised to hear his voice, her smile grew and her eyes flung open at the sound. She finally took note of the snowflakes, but paid them no mind, closing her eyes once again to better focus on the lyrics he was softly singing. It was certainly more melancholic, yet it was also quite beautiful and passionate, especially the way Hans recited it with his melodious voice. Once Hans finished the song, Elsa opened her eyes, and sat back up a bit. 

 "That was lovely," she praised sweetly.

"You think so?" Hans was a little shy about it, but he smiled all the same. He suspected she would say the same if it wasn't lovely, but she wouldn't say it in the same way. She wouldn't say it with snow, either, unless it was true. He couldn't help but blush a little at the thought. "I do like a  bit  more than just sea shanties." He admitted with an amused tone, as if to make light of his singing. It wasn't something he practiced often, but some things were natural. It was clear he was shy of being heard, too. As he had said, he picked an instrument to blend into the background. Elsa had to be something special, to prompt him to take center stage.

"Of course," she answered with a warm smile. "Though I think sea shanties can be quite lovely too," she proposed. She remembered the first song he sang to her. Elsa took a quick glance over her shoulder at the piano behind her, before she decided to turn her body towards it. She got a spontaneous urge to prove it. Elsa had gotten quite rusty at playing the piano, but she thought she could manage to play the simple tune, that she'd memorized by humming it so long ago. She hummed as she played the tune, because she'd yet to learn the lyrics to their entirety, the only verse that she really knew by heart was the one that started in  'My heart is pierced by Cupid' .

Hans smiled at the memory, glad that Elsa believed him-- and perhaps a little sheepish that she remembered his singing so well. 

 "You have a beautiful singing voice, yourself." He remarked softly. "You might put the sirens to shame." The songs seemed to draw parallels in their lives, he noticed. Concealing feelings and hearts pierced by cupid. He couldn't help but have a feeling about that. A feeling he tucked away, back inside his rib cage where it belonged. He would hold his tongue, as he did at home, to keep him from making a fool of himself.

Hans' comment made Elsa's ear burn red, it was easier for her to hide her shyness when she was still facing away from him. This had been the second time he'd compared her to a Siren, she wondered if that was meant to be a good thing, since he'd been unaffected by them, so she wasn't quite certain, but she took it as a compliment. Elsa looked over her shoulder back at Hans. 

 "I'm sure the sirens are far better at remembering the lyrics," she commented. "I do wish to try to learn them all myself, though" she continued as she turned her whole body on the bench once more to face him again. "I would be grateful if you wrote them down for me sometime, it'd give me something to practice while I relearn to play the piano. I'm surprised I managed to remember how to play at all, it's been ages since I touched a piano."

"I'll write them down for you as soon as I return to my room, then." He assured, lightly. He hadn't been writing letters, but the material had been provided all the same, especially while Hans did paperwork for his actual job of training the Guard, or helping Elsa with her own paperwork. "Some things are difficult to unlearn, I find. It's been a while since I touched a harp, too. Though, I suspect longer for you. You have had the busier life." He wanted to step closer, but that seemed like the wrong thing to do.

"Thank you," she hummed, standing up from the bench. "I guess you never truly forget something like that, even if you  think  you did, a part of you still remembers the  feeling , you just need to touch it again to elicit it." Elsa had taken a few steps toward the harp in front of her, so as she spoke she gently glided her fingers along all the harp strings (like people usually do across all the keys of the piano) just to hear the sound of all the strings being strummed in sequence. She had the temptation to touch the harp herself especially after seeing Hans' fingers fondle the strings so gracefully to create melodic music for her, she wanted to experience the sensation of strumming the strings against her own fingers. Of course with not knowing how to play she believed that the sound she managed to make with her gentle glide was nowhere as lovely as the ones he'd produced while actually playing, yet there was still a bit of that magical essence she thought a harp emitted.

 Hans couldn't help but feel that there was something deeper to what she said, though he wasn't sure what exactly it was. 

 "I imagine your magic feels the same." He mused, without thinking about it. His eyes watched her hands, and he seemed less than attentive as he let his thoughts drift.

"Hm? Feels the same to what? Similar to something you never really forget until you elicit it? I guess you could say that. When I first let it go again, with nothing holding me back, my powers came almost naturally." Elsa wondered if that's what he meant. She followed his gaze. "Or did you mean something else entirely? Something more abstract? Like you imagine my magic feels similar to something like... music?" She slid her fingers along the strings again. "I think that description wouldn't be far off either. Even though it's a bit hard to condense my powers into something completely comprehensible, I think that something like the euphonious sound of music does induce a similar sensation to the one of when I use my magic-- the good kind of magic at least. It's not an exact match, but still music is a lot like magic, I don't know how else to explain it but it kind of makes sense." She shrugged a little, admittedly not knowing exactly where she was going with that.

"The former, but yes. I imagine it does feel a bit like making music. It's strange, but I feel like I have a vague idea what magic would feel like. I suppose in the same way some of us have dreams of flying without ever having flown, some deeper instinct tells us what it should feel like, even if we have no idea?" He couldn't be sure, not could he properly describe it. "Music is a bit like magic, I suppose. From nothing we create emotions and feelings, and all we need is a flexible string or several, or a stick and a hollow thing to make a drum. Gregory would adore this conversation, likening music to magic. He's the real musician of the family." He deeply wanted to rest his hand at the small of her back and hold her. What was getting into him, that he kept having these sudden strange urges to do something unusual and familiar? Nothing outrageous, just to hold her. He wouldn't, obviously. He had no business touching the Queen. Only as she saw fit. He hoped he kept his wits about himself, lest he do something foolish.

Elsa smiled a little at Hans seeming to understand what she meant. "Yes, it's like emanating a manifestation of emotion. Music conveys it through mellifluous sound while magic transforms it into something more tangible," She said with a sparkle in her eyes. Elsa proceeded to create something with her magic. One of her hands swirled over the open palm of the other. She conjured a miniature horse figure that resembled Sitron, she showed and offered it to Hans. Elsa had certainly engrossed herself in the magic talk.

Hans smiled and picked up the little horse, if gingerly. Partly because of the fragile nature of ice, partly because he now knew by experience that it was a bad idea to grip ice for a prolonged period, thanks to his ice sword.

  "I like your artistic side, it's cute." He remarked sweetly. "And I like seeing you get excited about your magic. It certainly is impressive."

That certainly flustered her, Anna was unquestionably the cute one, so being considered cute was new to her, easily making her blush a bit. The combination of all his compliments put her heart in a frenzy and was evidently reflected with the falling snow. 

 "Thank you," she answered with a shy smile. Awkwardly shifting back a bit. "I forget how nice they can be sometimes, since I don't often get the chance to play around with them just for the fun of it. Though I really should do it more often, to test the limits of my powers, I still don't know everything that I'm fully capable of doing with them yet."

"You ought to, you look happy when you're using them." Hans observed, setting the ice horse back down just to preserve his hands, though he still looked at it with fondness. He wore the ice sword at his side, as it was traditional for an Isles man, but he was careful to avoid being near Anna in the halls. 

 "If I had powers like yours, I think I would want to make a dragon. Or Gryphons, things that you'd never see in real life. When you have magic, why not use it to make the world a bit more magical?" He offered with a smile and a shrug. "Or, to start with, maybe a cat. Cats, horses, and dragons." He laughed a little at himself. He truly did like all of those things, as childish as perhaps it was.

Elsa laughed a little herself. She thought it was quite adorable. Not at all surprised that his adventurous heart would wish for things of legend like Dragons and Gryphons. Yet even with the mention of extraordinary magical creatures, for some strange reason that wasn't what had stuck out the most to her. 

 "Hm. I don't think I've ever created a cat before," she mused with her pointer finger on her lips. And without further pondering she promptly constructed a life size sleeping snow kitten cradled in her arms. There was no doubt she was quite fond of animals, though she rarely interacted with them. "The only problem would be where to put your ice creations. If I could decorate the castle entirely with ice I probably would -- have you seen my ice palace? -- but I'm sure everybody else wouldn't appreciate a frozen castle, especially when they aren't unbothered by the cold like I am," she playfully reasoned. What held her back from creating, other than time constraints, was probably her consideration for others, she was sure the eternal winter probably didn't help warm people up to the idea of a forever frozen fixtures.

"I have, if you recall." Hans couldn't help but look down and grimace a little at the memory. "The first time you saw me with a sword drawn, I think." He mused. "We had a stirring conversation, and I think we've had that same conversation a few times, in a few different ways." He didn't think it was a bad thing, but one he found important. Perhaps a little serious. "Sounds like you need your own little icy island. Maybe your ice dragon could take you to the ice palace and your creations could live there. It  was  beautiful. Still there, I imagine?" He hadn't seen it since he'd carried Elsa out of it-- and he thought it was better if he didn't think about that memory. It still hurt to think of all the betrayal he caused in those few days. He couldn't help but watch the kitten fondly. He did love cats. "Have you considered getting a live cat of your own?"

Of course she recalled, his words most of all, they were forever engraved in her memory, the last thing she remembered before it had all turned to black. She saw his grimace and didn't want to dwell on that again right now. 

 "An icy island, I kinda like the sound of that. I might have to venture out and find one," Elsa considered it for a moment. "Still set on trying to sell me on the idea of creating an ice dragon I see," she giggled. "I wouldn't say live, because I would likely only be creating  normal  ice sculptures. To be honest, I'm not comfortable with bringing my creations to life. I made Olaf sentient completely by accident. And the only creation I purposely brought to life was Marshmallow and you know...but even with him I still didn't really know what I was doing. It sort of just happened, willing him to life. Like I said before I don't know the full extent of my own powers," She sighed with a slight shrug, becoming serious and silent for a second. 

 "And yes the Ice Palace still stands, at least last I checked." She looked down at the snow kitten she created and smiled. "As for ever considering getting a real cat, yes, I've pondered about having a feline friend many times. Have I decided whether or not it's wise? No. I still have to weigh the consequences. There's just a lot of things to consider; let's start with the arguments in favor. First of all, cats are absolutely adorable, soft and self-sufficient. They sound like a pretty perfect pet.

"The arguments against them though are a lot less about the cons of a cat and more about whether not I'm worthy of enough to have a cat. Like could I give it enough attention? I wouldn't want to get a cat and never have time for it. Would it even take a liking to me? Especially with I not being the warmest person in the world, I'd be very disappointed if it wouldn't let me touch it. Lastly, should I even take on another responsibility? As much as I'd love to have a cat, is it something I want to take on? I don't know, there's just so many variables," She shrugged. It was very much a battle between the emotional vs rational impacts of owning a cat. Of course she  wanted  a cat, but her queenly side was seeping out asking if she could even handle it or even deserved one.

"You're a Queen, your responsibility to a cat is making sure the service staff likes it, it's not as if you'll be the one to take care of its litter." Hans pointed out dryly. "Truthfully, a cat will make sure you give it exactly as much attention as it wants. The real downsides to you are the hairs it leaves in your dress, and the claw marks it may leave in your clothes, furniture, and skin. I taught the ship's cat to jump up onto my shoulders, so my uniform looks almost as red as it does blue now, from the cat's fur. But it's worth it to me to have the big lug purring in my ear during downtime. I can't speak to the warmth, you may want to keep a hot water bottle on-hand to encourage a cat sitting on your lap. They go to warm places, but if you make friends with a cat, they are friends as long as the cat lives. Dogs stay because you feed them, cats stay because they like you." Hans wasn't much for dogs. He had little against them, but he just preferred cats. Hans was right she was Queen and other people would take care of the cat for her and maybe that was part of her problem with getting one the little involvement she most likely have with it. She'd feel responsible for bringing a cat to the castle than making other people deal with it most of the time, (not that she wanted to deal with its litter, but still) it just wouldn't really feel like  her  cat. It was a bit silly to see things that way. Elsa sighed, taking a seat back down on the bench, placing her snowcat creation on her lap. Looking down at it warmly imagining what it would feel like if it were real.

  "The purring does sound rather nice," she admitted. " But maybe I should get a dog instead. I don't think you're giving them enough credit. They have good qualities as well, like they are also really cute especially with their big eyes and wagging tails. Also they always seem so happy and I heard they are really loyal. Besides there's some dogs that don't mind the cold," she smiled a bit considering that option as well, but it quickly faded. "... or maybe just having an animal companion isn't for me."

"No, dogs certainly have their place. And if you  want  an animal companion, there's no reason you shouldn't have one." He assured, gently. "Some cats don't mind the cold-- but some dogs  adore  it. Some dogs also swim, that's what Newfoundland dogs are like. They even have webbed paws, which is a strange thing for a dog. I've heard they can be mistaken for bears from afar, but I've never met one in person." He shrugged. "If one is to have a dog, a big one seems like a good idea, in my book. But those are just my personal preferences, perhaps you prefer little rat-hunting dogs that pounce like foxes and chase after the voles, it's not mine to say." He shrugged. "They can certainly be cute. They still shed, though, and require regular baths. Cats at least will typically bathe themselves, for better or worse. But our castle never had pets either. We just kept royal stables and hunting hounds, no indoor 'pets'." No wonder he preferred a ship, he could keep a cat there.

She still disagreed about having one just because she wanted one, she couldn't easily ignore all the things she had to consider about having a pet in the first place.

  "I don't think wanting one is enough reason to have one. Maybe in the future," she shrugged "I don't think I'm going to actively be looking for the perfect pet either, but if I someday come across one that completely captures my heart, I might reconsider in a heartbeat." Thinking about and rejecting the idea of a hypothetical animal companion was a lot easier than when an actual adorable living creature is in front of you and you can't resist the enchantment it imprinted on your heart.

"The best animals are the ones that find you, I find." Hans mused. Then he chuckled and cleared his throat. "But maybe that's just the  stray  at your door speaking." He teased, referring to himself. He had been shooed away once, then came back yowling at her door for attention. Somehow, it seemed to have paid off. "You seem to have a soft spot for scraggly red tomcats, as history speaks." He suggested, entirely as a playful joke to get her to roll her eyes. He wasn't a self-described 'fool' for nothing.

 "Perhaps," She let out a snort of suppressed laughter. One hand leaning against her forehead as she gently wagged her head with a downward gaze that almost made her eyes seem shut and a subtle smile on her lips. Her shoulders raised slightly. "Even scraggly red tomcats can make good companions." Maybe she indeed had a soft spot for red tomcats, with piercing green eyes and a playful nature, though scraggly probably wouldn't be one of the words Elsa would use to describe him.

Hans looked away and stifled a giggle, maybe blushing a little. "Ah, damn. I had a funny thought but it would be  very  unprofessional for me to say it out loud." He admitted with a little sheepish shuffle. "I suppose I ought to keep that to myself."

Elsa lifted her gaze to look at him.

  "Oh, now you've made me curious," she hummed with a tilt of her head. "But you're welcome to keep it yourself if you wish." She wouldn't  force  him to be 'unprofessional'.

Hans grinned playfully. "I was going to say 'But I could purr for you too if you like'." He teased, giggling and cringing away like a kid expecting to be hit with a pillow-- or perhaps a snowball would have been more appropriate. It  was  terribly unprofessional. It was downright  flirty  , but he only meant it in a playful way. He was a fool, after all. "Perhaps it  is  professional-- for a Queen's fool to be foolish." He suggested with a grin.

Elsa giggled with another shake of her head. "A fool I can handle, I don't know if I could say the same if you started acting like a cat. Please don't latch onto the idea as your new title or you might end up a stray," she teased.

Hans laughed a little and shook his head. "No... though cats and I do both do well on ships. Actually, that was what my ship was called. The  Conch Cat.  A conch cat is a type of cat with an extra toe, they're supposed to be lucky. With me as the thirteenth prince, we needed all the luck we could get. Have I told you all that before?" He wondered if he wrote that, or if that writing had been something for himself, or one of his scrapped copies.

"Yes, you've told me about the meaning behind your ship's name before," she assured with a nod. "I think back when you were telling me a story about the pirates you faced. I think it was also when you first mentioned a big red cat that resembled you."

"Well, his fur color resembled me. He's probably a lot more surly, but loving when you're warm enough." He assured, with a fond smile. "I do miss having a cat about. Perhaps when I've settled somewhere I'll get one." It was a nice thought. He didn't fancy being alone, and he didn't think he would be living with another person.

Elsa would have loved to meet that curious ship cat Hans remembered so fondly. She smiled, but remained silent, looking back down at her lap, as she lost herself in thought. She was still a bit distraught about the idea of Hans settling somewhere outside the castle walls. Perhaps it was becoming about time for their tea time to conclude.

Hans sensed the rift in the room, and let the silence linger a moment. 

 "I'm in no hurry to move, of course." He assured softly, after a moment. Maybe it was wrong of him to suspect, but he thought for a moment that  that  might be the cause of the silence. "Ah, I shouldn't take up your whole day, I suppose. Much as I enjoy your company." It was so strange to be the one  leaving.  He felt like it was wrong, like he shouldn't be doing that. It seemed impolite. He waited to be excused all the same. He was a prince, and taught to follow the crown's lead. Still, he couldn't help but be a little anxious himself, that perhaps he was doing the wrong thing, still.

"Oh, right," she said as she snapped out of her daze. Disintegrating the snow kitten on her lap into a sparkling flurry as she stood up, rubbing her hands against her skirt of her dress as if to straighten it. "I have paperwork to get back to before dinner." 

 "Thank you once again for joining me for tea. Your harp playing was lovely, I appreciate you playing for me," she acknowledged. "Perhaps, we can do this again sometime."

Hans nodded politely. "Gladly, I enjoyed playing for you. And maybe if I finish writing those lyrics for you, I'll have the chance to hear you sing again?" He proposed with a little smile. He did like to hear her sing. Her voice was beautiful. He tucked his hands behind his back, shifting into the behavior of a servant rather than a prince. The Guardsman rather than the Fool or the Prisoner. 

 "Have a good evening, your Majesty." He took her thanks and invitation as a sign he should leave, so he gave a polite bow and retreated. It was hard to say where or why he had picked up service habits. Part of his mirroring, perhaps?

 A shy smile crossed Elsa's lips at his proposal. 

 "Only if you accompany me on the harp," she called out, before a softer farewell. "Good evening, Hans." Elsa began to leave as well, thinking that it had been a rather odd tea time, not that it was necessarily a bad thing, far more interesting than her solitary ones, just a bit of the typical awkwardness that was bound to happen when they were together.

[fmdxsujiarchive]

summary: it’s another suji song about something non-romantic that gets disguised as a love song anyway date: various dates throughout 2020 word count: 2,590 words, excluding the lyrics notes: creative claims (full lyrics, full composition, partial production) for when we were two! mentions of duri and jae since they’ll be a part of the song.

“what’s with all the rapping features in your songs?” 

suji’s in the middle of scribbling down a sudden thought that had popped into her mind because she’s certain it could be transcribed into some thoughtful lyrics later on when minwoo’s voice interrupts her thought. the pen in her hand stops moving, and she looks up from the notebook to give him a look. a look that reflects that she hadn’t realized that her songs so far have been rich with rap features. 

“isn’t that how a lot of female ballad songs go when it’s not being sung completely solo?” she does not have a solid answer for minwoo’s question and instead hums to herself before sketching out some incoherent drawings at the corner of her notebook. why does she have so many rap features in her songs? she begins to wonder if it was a conscious choice or if it was more along the lines of suggestions being thrown out to her about how a rap feature would sound nice in her songs. it’s most likely a good combination of both. 

a familiar beat is playing in the background, and it’s only then that she notices that minwoo is going through a mock tracklist that suji had come up with for her next album. though it’s a tad bit early to be sure whether or not all the songs will be confirmed or not, she likes to think that she at least has a good ear when it comes to her own albums. humming along to the melody of one of the songs, she goes silent when the rap feature comes on. 

“what about a vocal feature? have you ever done that before?” 

“just last month, i released that portal.” it’s not meant to sound defensive, but suji can’t remember if she’s done anything beyond loveship when it comes to any type of vocal duet. 

for a moment, minwoo doesn’t say much before going onto the next song which also was written with a rap feature in mind. he presses pause on the computer before pulling up the other computer chair in the studio and sitting right across her. “i think a vocal duet would be nice for this next album since you have a lot of songs with raps on it anyway. it might even be easier to write. this way you don’t have to wait around and just write the lyrics on your own.” she wants to say that she doesn’t mind waiting for her featuring rappers to send their raps for her to confirm, but it has been a bother in the past especially if the featuring artist was busy which they usually were. with a purse of her lips, she simply nods once before pressing the space bar once more to play her tracks.

// 

with fuse and individual schedules, suji had found it difficult to find the time to write. it’s been a couple of weeks since her last time at minwoo’s studio, and this time she seems to be alone. the lights are off as she punches the passcode and lets herself in. the notebook that she’d left behind from last time is exactly where she left it, and she can’t help but smile at how minwoo just seems to leave her things where they are though she’s told him over and over again how he can push it to the side during the days she has to leave in a hurry. 

sitting down, she looks at the notebook in which she had scribbled down some notes. she couldn’t finish it that day as her thoughts were occupied by minwoo’s words, but she remembers where the inspiration came from. it’s typical suji to get inspired by movies and dramas. just from her notes, she can replay the scene she got inspiration from in her head: the female lead looking out the bus window and wiping away her tears as a smile starts to form on her face. 

for someone with not a lot of love experience, suji has a tendency to write songs about love and relationships. not particularly a choice seeing that a lot of songs out there pertain to such topics, but sometimes she surprises herself with how often she finds herself writing about such things. it’s what prompts all those questions in her interviews about whether or not her lyrics are personal or not. they are personal, yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s one hundred percent something she’s been through herself. 

her life’s not that interesting enough anyway. 

looking back at her notes, she remembers the story about how the female lead had tried again and again to get back with her ex-lover, hoping to reconcile things between them. the constant flashbacks to their happier moments and the warm feelings that would seep through her body whenever she thought of him. or at least that’s what she thought. 

it took meeting someone that actually cared for her and listened to her for her to realize that it wasn’t the person that she missed but the times. that’s something that she can relate to. there’s a couple of friends that she remembers from her childhood, and they were the ones that are always lingering around in her childhood memories. the afternoons at the park or lunches in the school cafeteria. a couple years ago, she’d look back at these times and wonder what those same friends are doing now but now, she came to the realization that they weren’t really that great of friends. they stood around when their other classmates would point out how different amelia was from the rest of them. thinking back to it now, they really weren’t that great of friends. but the childhood nostalgia is real, and the moments she shared with them aren’t incredibly terrible. 

suji simply misses the time when she was an innocent child who could do lots without much consequences. however, she doesn’t miss them. 

perhaps that’s why she started scribbling down these notes as soon as she finished the scene, and why she’s come back to it. the emotions come pouring out in a moment of black words onto the white piece of lined paper. 

in a few moments, the lined paper is filled up with verses and a chorus. it’s something that looks more like a cry of mixed up nostalgia disguised into a song of a romantic relationship. suji takes pride in being able to write lyrics that people relate to, and it’s the perspective she takes in making things vague but specific enough so that a larger amount of people can find them worth relating to.

there’s still some revisions to do especially when it comes to the way the words fall together, but she’s got a story. a story that began from a television drama but was completed with a spark of memory. 

when we were two is what she writes at the top and though she’s unsure if the title will stick, she’s satisfied with what she’s written.

// 

“suji-yah, sometimes you write like you’ve been through two divorces.” 

it’s not the feedback she expects, but it’s typical jaehyuk talk. he’s always straightforward and has an odd way of expressing his reactions to her work. but he’s also super helpful. if minwoo’s like her little fairy godmother that snaps his fingers and figures out exactly what she’s looking for, jaehyuk’s like a harsh captain that makes her pull the sails herself though he was steering the wheel into the right direction the whole time. 

either way, she doesn’t know where she’d be without both of them. 

like a good amount of her songs, the basis begins with the piano. it’s basic and simple, but she believes that it is always a nice place to start. everything gets built off of chords anyway, and the sound of the piano is what seems to go well with her voice anyway. though the backtrack is still bare, suji can already tell that the key signature isn’t going to be the happiest. the lyrics aren’t about some spring outing or a walk in the park. it’s all about looking back at what used to be and realizing that the times were great even if the person wasn’t. it’s about this deep feeling of regret that’s not actually regret but rather nostalgia. she thinks it’s a difficult emotion to express through an instrumental, but she’d like to try her best. 

the melody for the chorus comes to her first which is quite common when it comes to her working process. a strong chorus is important to suji, and so she usually ends up coming up with it first. however, unlike some of her previous songs, it doesn’t come right away. she has to sing the words to herself a couple of times, rewrite some of the bending and work on the way she wants the lines to flow until she settles on something that she likes. looking over, jaehyuk is working on something on his own, but the moment she figures out a chorus melody she likes, he gives her a thumbs up, and it feels like she’s floating on cloud nine. 

she’s interrupted for a moment when her phone lights up. it’s an excited text from minwoo telling her that one of her songs have been confirmed for the album, and how he’d received the rap recording from the featuring artist. biting down on her lip, she’s reminded of minwoo’s words a couple of months ago. 

“oppa, you mind singing this for me? any key works for now,” she asks before singing the chorus a couple of times so that jaehyuk can revise it to fit his own voice. but jaehyuk’s quick, and he’s been listening in to her working on the song that he figures it out in no time. 

almost immediately, a smile spreads across her face before she pulls his chair over to bring him in front of the mic that she’s been singing in front of. she asks him to record it for her and soon she has the chorus in her voice and jaehyuk’s. 

“don’t tell me you need me on this song or something.” there’s a scrunch of jaehyuk’s nose, but she knows that he’s not too bothered by it. it’s just the way he is. 

“no, but you’d work as a nice guide vocal.” admittedly, she already has one or two voices in her head that she thinks will work well with her own and she makes a mental note to herself to reach out to them when she can. hopefully the timing and song will work out in her favor. if not, she’s gonna have to adjust things again to fit some other voice. 

things go rather smoothly from there. suji sticks to the sound of the piano in the beginning of the track, preferring for the vocal line to be more prominent than the instrumental. it’s cliche, but she’d like the song to build as it is highly emotional. the most emotional part of the song should be the last chorus, and so she needs minimal instruments in the beginning. 

by the time the first chorus comes by, all she’s added was the synth and drum along with the piano. the second verse minimizes the piano and includes a few strings and guitar. something different but not too different that the instruments overpower the vocals. 

time flies when she’s in the studio, and she doesn’t realize that she’s spent pretty much all day working on the song until she’s done. she saves the file three different times all with three different names so that she can send them out to the people she had in mind.

jaehyuk is sleeping on the couch in the back since she had him record the guide first before she went ahead and added her own voice onto the track. he tells her that he’ll email the respective companies tomorrow since she has schedules. 

she’s not sure what she’d do without him.

//

luckily, things do work out in her favor, and she ends up getting the okay for both duri and jae to be on her track. unfortunately, they’re all too busy to meet up and record the track together. although she doesn’t really sing a whole lot of the song, it’s still technically her’s and will be on her album, and so she’s the first to record. 

the gold star recording studios basically feel like home now as she does some vocal warm ups to soothe out her vocal cords. jaehyuk and minwoo are both outside, but they tell her that they’d like for her to guide them the way she wants the song to sound. though she’s taken back by the sudden proposition, she does have quite a clear idea of how she wants the vocals and overall song to sound so it doesn’t sound like too much work. 

with jaehyuk and her vocals coming through the headsets in the form of a vocal guide, she simply starts singing the whole song. one, because she’d like to warm up her vocals a little more before officially getting into recording and two, because it also helps build her own emotions when it comes to the song. 

after a few recordings, she gives them an okay sign which indicates that she’s ready to begin. it takes a couple of tries before she gets the sound she wants out from her own voice. jaehyuk’s quick to replay it for her, and she bites the inside of her cheek—something doesn’t feel entirely right. 

“i’m gonna try that part again, oppa. i think i should tone down my vibrato and go with a straight tone instead.” jaehyuk doesn’t bother responding before turning the track back on. suji goes back to think about her initial thoughts when it came to the song. the song’s not some sad breakup song like some of the ones she’s sung before. it’s not meant to be overly sad or regretful. it’s meant to be more along the lines of acceptance. acceptance that one realizes that they’re allowed to hold onto memories despite not missing the person involved in the memories. the vocals should be calm and composed but still strong. 

so that’s exactly how she records it this next time. 

“i think that sounds really good.” she hadn’t realized it, but she’s closed her eyes and sang the whole song in one take with those thoughts lingering in her head. minwoo’s voice is what exactly makes her open her eyes again, and the faces of her helping producers tell her that it’s a sound that they’re all going to be satisfied with. 

they replay it for her, and she likes the calmness that her voice holds. stepping out of the studio, she gives them high fives and goes to sit down beside jaehyuk to hear it once more. her thoughts don’t change, and she concludes that her recording session is over. 

“do you mind telling bc and dimensions that i’d like duri oppa and jae’s voices to sort of mimic mine? you know, collected but strong. as if they’re speaking to an old friend and retelling their memories. as jaehyuk oppa said about me, maybe tell them to imagine that they’ve just gone through a clean and mutual divorce and are reminiscing on the times that were once good and not too regretful.” 

that gets her a laugh from both producers, but they say yes anyway. 

she can’t wait to hear the completed song.

[flying-elliska]

Elu feelings

I cope by writing meta, so expect a lot of it this weekend. I think I’m going to be processing s3 for a long time tbh.  I feel like all ships have a few core emotions they run on, you know ? 

The first one I can think for Eliott and Lucas is relief. Like look at them after their first kiss, hugging and laughing. It’s like this big stormcloud of tension that has just broken into rain over their heads and is now watering their crops. Relief because they’ve both been lonely for a long time and they just found each other and it’s downright miraculous.

 It’s that corniest of corny tropes, love at first sight, except for them it really works, because they show us time and time again how perfectly they fit together. They both want something committed and deep, they’ve got artistic sensibilities, they’ve been hurt a lot by life but still want to believe, they’re both so passionate. Eliott’s romantic playfulness manages to reach beyond Lucas’ walls, Lucas’ fierce devotion is able to reach through Eliott’s pessimism and self-hate. They can be themselves together after a lifetime of hiding. Eliott gives Lucas signs that it’s okay to be goofy, and Lucas shows appreciation for it. During the piano scene, Eliott looks at Lucas like water in the desert. And Lucas just blossoms as soon as he doesn’t have to bother with shallow, bullshit pretend relationships anymore. I don’t like the ‘we complete each other trope’ usually, but those two, they really do. They went on their own journey but it’s really like something wasn’t right with the universe until they got together. And look at how relieved they are to see each other again after being pulled apart. The minute by minute becomes that too in the end, as does the parallel universe metaphor - there could be so many ways and so much time for them to be apart, and they’re going to make damn sure they never have to be apart again. It’s fragile and it’s beautiful and it’s the most right thing ever. They just fit. 

The second one is...probably yearning, working along with the first one. They’re both just so needy. Eliott is in general ‘a lover of all things’ (like Maxence said) - and as shown through the Polaris video, he desperately wants a true soul connection, something that goes beyond appearances, beyond fears. He puts that film out in the world like a message in a bottle. He doesn’t get funding, but it does reach the one person it needed to. The story could be hella sappy and it would fit the whole artsy teenager with too many feelings thing, but it’s just so earnest. He’s terrified of ‘the dark’ (ie his issues with mental illness) and what it would do to people around him, and yet he’s still willing to take his deepest, most desperate desire and put it into the palm of the world. There’s something so brave about that. And Lucas ?  He starts out as disconnected and adrift, pretends to be tough and a player but scratch the surface even once and wow. The way he clings to his mask speaks of his fear of being left alone. And the way he just opens up to Eliott so fast - he’s been looking for that forever, really. Someone to really see him, and see that need. The way things went in his family probably hurt him so deeply because under his grumpy façade, Lucas strikes me as someone incredibly loyal and caring, and what his father did probably shook a lot of his core beliefs. Because of this and his internalized homophobia, he took on a ‘feelings make you weak’ demeanour. So it’s so important that him and Eliott made it through - it allows him to believe in love again, that he is worthy of being loved, it’s some deeply existential shit. (even though the part with his friends was also crucial.) And it’s why it never seems rushed that they move so quickly. It’s really like a spark comes and starts a wildfire in a few moments because everything was ready for it already. I would buy them moving in together, for real. Obviously they might have issues down the road because of this. Lucas’ abandonment issues and Eliott’s troubled self-image and issues linked to bipolar are not going to just vanish overnight. They just care and want this so much they might rush into things. But you really believe they’re going to pull through and spend the rest of their lives together, anyway. 

I’m also thinking of faith. That’s the whole point of the Remember montage. The beginning of their relationship is really messy. Eliott cheats on his gf and bails on him and sends him all sorts of mixed signals, Lucas says some really ignorant things about mental illness and pretends to be into girls and uses Chloé and says mean things about him to his friends. Lucas is forcibly outed, then there’s the whole houseboat which might have been very traumatic for the both of them - someone else in their shoes might have said, this is too much for me, and they might not have been entirely unjustified. I feel one important aspect of this pairing is that you’re never entirely sure they’re going to end up together. Sure, they’re perfect for each other, but their issues interact in ways that mean they’re uniquely suited to hurt each other as well. When you look at Lucas’ past, Eliott on paper really isn’t an ideal partner. Lucas too can be sharp and mean and reckless, or he can go overboard when he cares about something. They’re both very aware as it develops that this could end up being dangerous for them, that they could wreck each other. This version of the story just has so much more tension and uncertainty than the other remakes, for some reason - maybe because Lucas is more isolated, or Eliott is less cool on the surface than Even, or maybe it’s down to technical choices too. The amount of feelings between is overwhelming right from the start, it’s like, it could easily become too much. And then there’s the whole stigma from society thing. And of course, love, between anyone, remains one of the most terrifying things in life, because of the trust and openness and vulnerability it demands. So faith is important, because it implies making a bet that things will turn out alright in the end. It’s about compassion and moving on from the past but also learning from it. And choosing to put the positive possibilities above the negatives. They choose to have faith in themselves, too, when they choose the relationship. That they’re going to figure it out, be better at communicating. The church montage makes a lot of parallels between religious faith and love, as being a refuge in times of sorrow, something true and sure when everything is uncertain.  It should be the meaning of ‘christ-like’ love. And this is not about Lucas being some sort of savior figure for Eliott in spite of his ‘flaw’ - it’s for himself too, that compassion and that faith. That he can be better than his father. That he recognizes the faith Eliott put in him by telling him about Polaris - now he probably understand fully what it means, that Eliott was telling him he was stuck in that darkness too, that he gave Lucas this key because he had faith in Lucas’ capacity to love. It’s about people’s faith deserving to be rewarded in kind.  It’s so beautiful, I want to cry.

And last but not least - tenderness. If I had to pick only one, it would be this one. And it’s not (only) about them being so cuddly and prone to PDA as soon as they get together, it’s a much deeper thing. It’s like they look at each other and go ‘hello, your soul is beautiful and belongs with mine, let me make some room for you’. It’s in the way they approach each other - Lucas makes the first move, then Eliott shows his interest in a way that is ‘chelou’ enough to signal something more is going on - repeats his name only for him - but never pushy. It’s the entirety of the piano scene, and the way they keep unveiling little bits of who they truly are to each other - Eliott’s wacky music and moves are incredibly important for that, and so is Lucas’ playing - it’s them creating a space for each other saying, look you’re safe with me, I am weird and intense and passionate and artistic and I know you are too. It’s that conversation as they walk home, the carefully worded sentences where they’re pushing each other towards the conclusion of ‘not necessarily a girl’. And it’s of course the first kiss - Eliott pushing at Lucas enough to show him how much he cares and get past his walls, but letting him do the first move. And Lucas letting Eliott know he has seen Polaris. And obviously the entirety of Samedi 9 : 17. Lucas knowing what to say to reach Eliott, his emotional intelligence. Eliott’s little drawings, and his romantic gestures that show Lucas he deserves a grand love story. Lucas taking care of Eliott after his episode, the croissants and the flowers and the meals. The playfulness, the care, the attention. They want to help each other be as free and happy as they could be, they care so much about each other’s developpment ? The way they’re constantly checking in with each other - minute by minute, and the reciprocity of the bus stop scene - Eliott knowing how to use it to soothe Lucas’ fears as well, showing the truth of the concept that they both will have difficult moments. They’ve bruised each other’s hearts, it’s heavy, but they also handle it as a privilege - it’s so much better than not being in each other’s lives. When they’re together, it has the carefree vibe of young first love, joyful and clumsy and rowdy ; but you catch glimpses of them as old souls, too, with a maturity and selflessness and depth of love that is just awe inspiring. It’s love as sanctuary and refuge, and love that opens the doors to the world. 

I’m never going to be over it tbh. 

[thelastarchangelaskblog]

Michael Takes the Pottermore Sorting Quiz

@the-grey-hunt came into my messages saying she’d taken the Pottermore sorting quiz as she thought Michael would and ended up putting him in Slytherin with Hufflepuff as the last option. So I decided to take it myself and ended up thinking about Michael’s thought process for each of the questions.

I’ve done the same for Gabriel/Tony and Samael as well and will also proceed to do the same for Raphael. I’m thinking of eventually putting this on AO3 as an extra story just for fun.

Also the mention about Dummy wanting to be in Ravenclaw but always ending up in Hufflepuff is 100% @the-grey-hunt‘s idea.

**

(Read more for mobile users.)

“I was already Sorted. Why are you asking me to take a quiz that will Sort me again?”

“You were human, then,” Gabriel pointed out, smirking. “Maybe it’ll Sort you differently now.”

“This isn’t the Sorting Hat,” Michael said, looking down at the pad in skepticism.

“As good as according to the author who penned the books of this universe.”

“Hm.” Michael tilted the pad in Gabriel’s direction. “Have you taken it?”

“Oh yeah.” Gabriel grinned. “Hat stall between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. Samael’s taken it, too, and Raphael as well. So it’s just you we’re missing.”

It was clear Gabriel wouldn’t let this drop, would probably stalk Michael with the pad in hand if Michael refused to do it. And if Michael did it now it wouldn’t be that bad, would it?

Resigning himself to his fate, Michael pressed the START button and read the first question.

Which of the following would you most hate people to call you?

Ordinary

Ignorant

Selfish

Cowardly

Gabriel wasn’t looking over his shoulder, but Michael had no doubt that he was somewhat aware of what answers he would select. He glanced at Gabriel and then deliberately veiled the tablet from Gabriel’s senses.

His brother made a face but didn’t otherwise argue, settling back to give Michael more space.

It didn’t really matter if people called him ignorant or ordinary. He had been ignorant at one point. As for ordinary…he wasn’t exactly ordinary, but it didn’t matter if people thought he was.

Selfish? If someone called him selfish - if someone said that he’d been selfish with what he had done… When he hadn’t ever really, truly wanted to fight his siblings and had only ever done so because his Father ordered it--

He hadn’t been selfish.

Cowardly?

No, that slightly annoyed but not like…

So “selfish” it was.

The second question read:

After you have died, what would you most like people to do when they hear your name?

Miss you but smile.

Ask for more stories about your adventures

Think with admiration of your achievements

I don’t care what people think of me after I’m dead; it’s what they think while I’m alive that counts

Clearly not B or C. Michael hadn’t had any adventures worth speaking of and his achievements weren’t anything to admire.

D? Perhaps at one point but… Michael knew his other siblings had thought of him as dead for a long time and had cursed his name for what he had done. He cared about that; it mattered.

But A? That wasn’t… Well…of the options it was the most palatable. If he only garnered fond thoughts after his (unlikely) death, then that was a good thing to hope for.

After selecting A, Michael read the third question.

Given the choice, would you rather invent a potion that would guarantee you

Glory

Wisdom

Power

Love

A and C were instant no’s. Michael had never wanted glory or power. And Michael had been Created to fight, but he had also been Created to love. So, really…

But if he had been wise from the start? If he had known what to do? Then so many mistakes might have been averted.

The fourth question was

How would you like to be known to history?

The Wise

The Good

The Bold

The Great

Ideally he wouldn’t be known at all. What good was an angel who smeared their accomplishments over everything? Some things hadn’t been helped given the Bible, but everything else?

Michael wasn’t bold; he wouldn’t want to be known as bold either. Nor great; that way led madness. He wasn’t wise; he wouldn’t be known as wise either. But good? Perhaps…if he redeemed himself enough… people might think of him as good instead of cursing his name.

The next question read:

You enter an enchanted garden. What would you be most curious to examine first?

The silver leafed tree bearing golden apples

The fat red toadstools that appear to be talking to each other

The bubbling pool, in the depths of which something luminous is swirling

The statue of an old wizard with a strangely twinkling eye

Well, that was a singularly useless question. If he entered a garden blind with no idea what was there, the first thing Michael would notice would be the tree. Every living thing was able to talk in some sense, so the toadstools weren’t that odd. The pool was curious but wouldn’t draw his attention first as it was set in the ground. As for the statue?

He’d perhaps wonder why Dumbledore had decided to put himself there.

The tree would be first, and everything else would follow after.

What kind of instrument most pleases your ear?

Violin

Drums

Piano

Trumpet

Michael stared down at it for a long moment, then looked up at Gabriel, who had an unusually patient expression on his face. “Instrument?” he asked flatly. “Is there no option for ‘none of the above’?”

“Nope,” Gabriel said cheerfully. “Pick your poison, brother.”

Human instruments sounded terrible. There were no good options here. The only one Michael found remotely pleasing was the trumpet and that was because Gabriel had one, but as for when the trumpet would sound…

No, Michael didn’t think the trumpet would ever sound pleasing to his ear because of what it meant. For lack of any other option, he just picked violin.

Four boxes are placed before you. Which would you try to open?

The small tortoiseshell box, embellished with gold, inside which some small creature seems to be squeaking.

The gleaming jet black box with a silver lock and key, marked with a mysterious rune that you know to be the mark of Merlin.

The ornate golden casket, standing on clawed feet, whose inscription warns that both secret knowledge and unbearable temptation lie within.

The small pewter box, unassuming and plain, with a scratched message upon it that reads “I open only for the worthy.”

Michael resisted the urge to snort as he read the last option. Worthy? Well, that one was right out. The third one sounded vaguely tempting but he didn’t think he’d do all that well with it.

He had no interest in anything of Merlin’s, and even if he could resurrect whatever poor creature was in the first box, it would still be in pain. So A it was.

Four goblets are placed before you. Which would you choose to drink?

The foaming, frothing, silvery liquid that sparkles as though containing ground diamonds

The smooth, thick, richly purple drink that gives off a delicious smell of chocolate and plums.

The golden liquid so bright that it hurts the eye, and which makes sunspots dance all around the room.

The mysterious black liquid that gleams like ink, and gives off fumes that make you see strange visions.

He had no interest in diamonds or sweet things. Let alone strange visions. That had never been in his purview. But C? His nature had always been heat and fire.

Once every century, the Flutterby bush produces flowers that adapt their scent to attract the unwary. If it lured you, it would smell of

A crackling log fire

Parchment

Home

The sea

Heaven had no scent, but that hadn’t been Michael’s only home, had it? And even so… Michael selected C mutely.

The next question was just bizarre and had Michael staring at it for a minute, wondering just what?

A troll has gone berserk in the Headmaster's study at Hogwarts. It is about to smash, crush and tear several irreplaceable items and treasures, including a cure for dragon pox, which the Headmaster has nearly perfected; student records going back 1000 years and a mysterious handwritten book full of strange runes, believed to have belonged to Merlin. In which order would you rescue these objects from the troll's club, if you could?

1. Dragon Pox Cure 2. Merlin's Book 3. Student's Records

1. Cure 2. Records 3. Book

1. Book 2. Cure 3. Records

1. Book 2. Records 3. Cure

1. Records 2. Cure 3. Book

1. Records 2. Book 3. Cure

He could theoretically recreate all of these if they were lost. Was there nothing more important to rescue instead?

“Think like a human,” Gabriel advised idly, who was now balancing his chair precipitously on the back legs and staring up at the ceiling.

With a small sigh, Michael selected the first option. If he had none of his abilities, he would certainly value health over knowledge first. As for the records…records weren’t that much use, were they?

Which would you rather be?

Trusted

Liked

Imitated

Praised

Envied

Feared

This one… This one didn’t require much thought. Michael didn’t have to be praised. He didn’t have to be liked (although wouldn’t that be nice?). But trusted? He’d lost the right to be trusted years ago.

Even so…

Which of the following do you find the most difficult to deal with?

Hunger

Cold

Loneliness

Boredom

Being ignored

The cold… Michael hated the cold, but he could deal with it. He was heat, even if at the end it had been--

But loneliness? Michael had never been lonely before until finding himself in this world. Even in the Cage, shut off from the connection all angels shared and only feeling Lucifer’s presence and not his thoughts… Michael hadn’t actually been alone.

His friends had helped but they were nothing compared to the company of another angel.

What are you most looking forward to learning at Hogwarts?

Every area of magic that I can

Apparition & Disapparition

Transfiguration

Flying on a broomstick

Hexes & jinxes

All about magical creatures and how to befriend them

Secrets about the castle

As Wayne Hopkins he’d been so eager to learn about absolutely everything he could. That hadn’t changed even now as Michael found himself looking for differences between what he had known in his old world and the rules of this world.

If you could have any power, what would you choose?

The power to read minds

The power of invisibility

The power of superhuman strength

The power to speak to animals

The power to change the past

The power to change your appearance at will

If he could have any power of the ones that he already had?

Only…no. He could travel back in time, but he couldn’t change the past. And if he could change the past? Knowing what he knew now?

Michael kept his face blank as he selected his answer and moved on.

Which of the following would you most like to study?

Centaurs

Goblins

Merpeople

Ghosts

Vampires

Werewolves

Trolls

Absolutely none of the above but if he had to select one he’d just go with ghosts because they were different here.

One of your house mates has cheated in a Hogwarts exam by using a Self-Spelling Quill. Now he has come top of the class in Charms, beating you into second place. Professor Flitwick is suspicious of what happened. He draws you to one side after his lesson and asks you whether or not your classmate used a forbidden quill. What do you do?

Lie and say you don't know (but hope that somebody else tells Professor Flitwick the truth).

Tell Professor Flitwick that he ought to ask your classmate (and resolve to tell your classmate that if he doesn't tell the truth, you will).

Tell Professor Flitwick the truth. If your classmate is prepared to win by cheating, he deserves to be found out. Also, as you are both in the same house, any points he loses will be regained by you, for coming first in his place.

You would not wait to be asked to tell Professor Flitwick the truth. If you knew that somebody was using a forbidden quill, you would tell the teacher before the exam started.

That was another easy question considering free will and students having to learn. He’d give the classmate the opportunity to confess. But why was there no option to confront the classmate yourself?

Michael selected B irritably.

You and two friends need to cross a bridge guarded by a river troll who insists on fighting one of you before he will let all of you pass. Do you:

Attempt to confuse the troll into letting all three of you pass without fighting?

Suggest drawing lots to decide which of you will fight?

Suggest that all three of you should fight (without telling the troll)?

Volunteer to fight?

Why would Michael suggest drawing lots if his companions were humans? C made sense if they were all humans, but even so trolls were tricky for humans to take care of as a group. D was just suicidal.

Even if Michael wasn’t human, he wouldn’t immediately suggest fighting the troll. There were other options, so A it was. Even if he didn’t have Gabriel’s flair with words.

Which road tempts you the most?

The wide, sunny grassy lane

The narrow, dark, lantern-lit alley

The twisting, leaf-strewn path through woods

The cobbled street lined with ancient buildings

He’d walked shrouded in shadow long enough with the decisions he’d made. Why would he do so again?

Michael selected A and moved on.

Which nightmare would frighten you the most?

Standing on top of something very high and realizing suddenly that there are no hand- or footholds, nor any barrier to stop you falling

An eye at the keyhole of the dark, windowless room in which you are locked

Waking up to find that neither your friends nor your family have any idea who you are.

Being forced to speak in such a silly voice that hardly anyone can understand you, and everyone laughs at you

The first three were objectively rather frightening. (The fourth was laughable and Michael discarded it immediately.) But all of them…

“How far did you fall?”

Michael swallowed, picked A, and moved on quickly.

Late at night, walking alone down the street, you hear a peculiar cry that you believe to have a magical source. Do you:

Proceed with caution, keeping one hand on your concealed wand and an eye out for any disturbance?

Draw your wand and try to discover the source of the noise?

Draw your wand and stand your ground?

Withdraw into the shadows to await developments, while mentally reviewing the most appropriate defensive and offensive spells, should trouble occur?

If he were human… Even now, Michael would investigate such noises carefully, as there wasn’t a need for angelic abilities every time. So if one considered a “concealed wand” to be his more specific abilities…

There was no need to remain back and do nothing. That way led to something going wrong.

Definitely A.

A Muggle confronts you and says that they are sure you are a witch or wizard. Do you:

Ask what makes them think so

Agree, and ask whether they'd like a free sample of a jinx

Agree, and walk away, leaving them to wonder whether you are bluffing

Tell them that you are worried about their mental health, and offer to call a doctor

This was…actually an amusing question. And certainly one plausible enough.

If a Muggle came up to him right now?

“You’re a wizard!”

“Am I? What makes you think so?”

A it was.

The last several questions seemed to serve no purpose so Michael just picked dawn (because everything started anew), stars (because they held life), forest (he just picked this one randomly), white (as it was closest to his own Grace), heads (again randomly), and right (once more randomly).

Once he finished, the quiz results beamed up at him with a proud HUFFLEPUFF (at 77%?). Ravenclaw was underneath that at 64%, followed by Gryffindor at 50%, and then Slytherin at 15%.

“Huh.” Gabriel was now looking over Michael’s shoulder. “I suppose that shouldn’t be much of a surprise with all the books you scribble in, but your Slytherin friends were insistent that you would’ve done well in Slytherin.” He tapped pointedly at the 15%.

Michael refused to comment. “Happy now?”

“Very,” Gabriel said cheerfully. “Now I’m going to let the bots do what they want with this info. I think Dummy’s still a little put out it keeps putting him in Hufflepuff; he wanted Ravenclaw.”

Michael considered what he knew of Gabriel’s eldest and drew a blank at seeing Dummy in Ravenclaw. “No,” he said flatly.

“Yeah,” Gabriel sighed, taking the pad back from Michael. “I love him, but he’s not, eh, the brightest tool in the box sometimes. Now You on the other hand…”

There was no way Michael was involving himself in that discussion.

[writer-and-artist27]

Not the Last

Note: This was written as a “What-If” story, in response to the whole KeiKashi wedding prompt Lang ( @langwrites ) did a little while back. I never thought I would write this, but since the idea was lurking in my head for a long time, I felt like I needed to.

I’m guessing you’re asking, “because why? Why did you feel like this to the point of writing?”

Well. For those of you following me, you might’ve heard how Tomoko in S&S originally was, at one point, in consideration for death at Orochimaru’s hands. The whole KeiKashi wedding thing would be a catalyst, unfortunately enough, and well, I needed to write this to prove to myself that’s not going to happen with me as the writer ever and I needed to get this last bit off my chest as a way of moving on. The whole “Tomoko-death-at-Orochimaru” was a result of my innermost insecurities about my and Lang’s initial friendship in the early S&S days, and my social anxiety in general, so writing how it won’t happen is a way of nailing that idea in its coffin for good.

So, this. 

It’s also why the DR thing is kinda on a indefinite hiatus, because the angst that was in there was too big of a wallop to the point of Lang getting worried about my mental health.

Songs referenced in this whole “What-If” thing include marasy’s piano cover of Madoka Magica’s Connect and Mermaid Melody’s Kibou no Kaneoto, in that order.

The theme for this specific thing though? Madoka’s And I’m Home. The original and/or Akio Scenro’s piano version work just fine.

Trigger Warnings are in order for implied anxiety, suicide ideation, death, and depression.

And please, for anyone who feels suicidal, please contact a help hotline or a loved one as soon as you can. You deserve to be here. Just as much as anyone else does.

I wrote this to give that original bad ending of S&S some closure and that sad part of Tomoko a happy ending. You all deserve a happy ending too.

“Do you, Hatake Kakashi, take this woman as your bride?”

Isobu, conducting the ceremony like the proud Tailed Beast he was.

“I do.”

These two had definitely changed for the better from the ninja who glared at each other in my living room so long ago.

“And do you, Gekkō Keisuke, take this man as your husband?”

“I do.”

We were all grown up, huh. I never would have thought two decades ago that Kei would ever say such a thing. But here we were.

Isobu’s large arms, covered in sand and seawater, landed on each side of the soon-to-be married couple with gentle grace, a low rumble sounding in his throat. The eight ninken lined up near the platform were all wagging their tails, and I didn’t miss how Isobu’s large eye met my stare for a moment as he lowered himself to eye level with the rest of the audience. “Then you may kiss. And anyone who would dare voice any objections will not do so, or I will eat them.”

I made sure to smile as brightly as I could back at the Tailed Beast while holding back the urge to cry.

Rin nudged me softly while wiping a happy tear from her eye. “Beautiful. Don’t you think so, Tomo-chan?”

“Yeah,” I said softly. My heart beat against my chest. “It is. I’m glad I got to see this.”

My mind already knew that it might be the last.

No one minded my song choices for Kei and Kakashi’s wedding. A full piano rendition of Connect, because of course I had to honor my roots, and then singing Kibou no Kaneoto.

“Sing this last song…”

The Sound of the Bells of Hope. Love Goes On, was the subtitle.

I wished for so many years that my friends could be happy. And here they were.

Obito and Rin, smiling at one another while dancing on the dance floor.

Gai, crying tears of joy when Genma caught the bouquet in front of Raido.

And my best friends. Kei and Kakashi. They were married, they were smiling, and they were laughing.

They all were happy.

It was why I decided this would be my last concert. My last performance as the Civilian Pianist.

They didn’t need me anymore. It was obvious they all were focused on each other.

So, my job was done, wasn’t it?

My stomach shook from butterflies, but by the time I sang the last verse and stepped off the stage past all the loud applause, clutching my Wayfinder necklace all the while, Isobu was turning an eye at me again. Did he notice?

“Tomoko,” he rumbled, almost too quiet from the sound to be his normal conversational tone. “Where are you going?”

He did notice. Of course.

I never thought in my entire life that I would have the honor of being called by name by Isobu himself. Or the fact that he would want to talk with me without wanting to stomp on me like the insect I was compared to him. Still, I put on a smile and nodded in his direction as a sign of acknowledgement. I heard him. “For a walk, Isobu-san. All the performing and party antics can get to someone, see.”

“Hm,” he said softly, and I could’ve sworn I heard a huff of irritation. Or was it another one of my hopeless delusions? “By yourself?”

I nodded again. “I…I just need to be alone for a while in the fresh air, Isobu-san. I’ll be okay.”

Yet again, my stomach churned as a dark part of my mind said, No, you’re not. You’ll never be okay.

Why now?

That large red-yellow-ringed eye continued to stare at me, almost disbelievingly.

He wasn’t supposed to be looking at me like that. Not at me.

I held back the urge to reach out towards him, instead smiling. “Really, Isobu-san. If Kei asks, I just went out for a walk. I’ll be alright.”

You liar.

Isobu stared at me for a few more moments before he took a step towards me, and I wasn’t expecting the almost gentle nudge against my head, rustling my long hair. “Alright. But if anything happens—”

“I’ll call you or Kei or the other ninja,” I said, feeling a truer smile start to form on my lips. “I know. Thank you, Isobu-san.”

The Three-Tails pulled back to stare at me again, and I could’ve sworn I saw understanding in the red-yellow rings. “Do not stray far.”

I finally decided to put a hand on one of his many horns, still smiling. “I won’t.”

My stomach churned as my chakra curled up in on itself, hiding. You goddamn liar, Tomoko. You goddamn liar.  

Yet again, I wished I could hear Hisako’s voice.

Yet again, I wished someone could save me.

The walk to the top of Hokage Mountain wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. Despite my wearing heels. Sure, my heels were short ones, actually hitting a bare inch of height, but a part of me expected that I would be suffering from cramps or foot blisters by the time I could see the entirety of Konohagakure.

The moon was already high in the horizon, shining down on the rocks beneath, and I could already see how there was no railing at the cliff.

My heart beat again.

They’re…they’re going to be okay, right? Right?

Silence greeted my mind yet again.

I walked over to the cliff. Looking down, I could see almost everything. The Hokage Tower, the Academy, the shopping district, and the many stone faces of the past four Hokage, Minato-san included.

This was my home. This is my home.

I’ve done enough, haven’t I?

I raised a foot past the cliff’s edge for a moment before immediately drawing back in a cold sweat.

The air felt cold. Chilly and desolate.

What the—what the fuck am I thinking?! I can’t die… I can’t. Everyone would—

Team Minato’s faces flashed through my mind. They looked happy. They were happy.

…Weren’t they?  

The hem of my blue dress fluttered in the wind as it blew against my back.

But…I did everything I could…didn’t I? Should I go now?

You should, that dark part of me whispered.

But not like this. I just thought of leaving the village…like a vagabond, so I could help others…not…not…

You need to die now, though. It’s all over. They don’t need you.

No, no, nononono, I—

My thoughts were already remembering pools of red.

I don’t want to go like this!

“TOMO!”    

It was as if the darkness had stopped. As if all time had stopped. The stars were shining in the sky again, and the moon seemed almost brighter.

My heart leapt in my chest as the first tear started budding in my eye. I couldn’t even get the chance to whip my head around before a hand firmly grabbed my forearm, and I was getting pulled back. I didn’t even realize we had crashed onto the gravel of the mountain until I was staring at the inside of a suit jacket, and someone was huffing above my head.

“Thank god,” they went harshly before another hand landed on the back of my hair and pulled me closer into the hug.

I knew this presence. I knew this voice. They were supposed to be at the wedding. They weren’t supposed to be here.

“K-Kei?” My voice came out hoarse, raw.

My reincarnation buddy didn’t respond, only gripping my arm tighter as the hand on my head went down to the small of my back, winding around my waist to pull me upright, squeezing. Her breath came out short and almost ragged above my hair, and my heart was still beating hard.

“Kei…” My left, ungrabbed hand, hesitantly reached up to tug at the hem of her jacket. She wasn’t supposed to be here. She was supposed to be with Kakashi and the others, celebrating her own goddamn wedding. She wasn’t supposed to be here… “Kei, why…”

“Isobu told me you went out, and I got a bad feeling,” was the short and terse reply, and she pulled back to stare at me with hard, almost shocked eyes. What? “Tomo, why were you at the fucking cliff? If you walked any further—” she bit her lip as she slowly let go of my right forearm, hand going to cover her face. “Tomoko, you could’ve died.”

It was as if hot coals were shoved down my throat.

I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to go, but…

When my friends finally found love, where would I be?

“I…” Tears were already starting to bubble up in my eyes as my voice cracked. I tried to smile, but seeing the bride — my reincarnation buddy — like this… She was supposed to be happy. “I just thought…I just thought that my job was done. That I could go, a-and leave you all be so you could be okay without me. I-I wasn’t meaning to jump, if that’s what you were thinking.”

“Tomoko,” Kei’s voice turned hard again, this time with disbelief as she lowered her hand from her face to stare at me. “I saw you lift that foot of yours over the rock. That’s suicide, or suicide ideation if you ask me.”

This time, what felt like cold water splashed over me. “I-I didn’t…I…”

When did my thoughts start leading me to nearly dying like Vy, without even saying goodbye?

I wasn’t expecting Kei’s stare to turn soft in my direction. “Tomoko, what’s wrong? Where’d I screw up? Where’d we go wrong?”

What?

The last straw was everyone else starting to run into the area too, sandals almost beating into the gravel as they approached.

“Tomoko?” Kakashi’s voice. He was here.

“Tomo-chan!” Ricchan, no, Rin — she was here too.

“Kei, did you find her?!” Obi… of course…

“Hime!”

Papa…

Tears were already blurring my vision as a shaky smile came over my face. “I-I…I…”

A calloused hand reached over to touch my cheek, just as the first tear started trickling down. “What is it, Tomo?”

Kei, you absolute dork. It had to be you. You always saved me, didn’t you…

Even now…

The words came out in-between the start of gross-sounding sobs as I covered my face with my hands. My hair was sticking to my face, my heart wasn’t letting up in its marathon, and I just didn’t know whether this was a dream or reality anymore. But they were here, and my friends needed answers. I wanted out of this darkness now. “Kei, I-I think I’m lonely and, and kinda anxious a-and maybe suicidal, from the looks of it, a-and I need help. I don’t know anymore.”

The only response I got was another tight hug as my loved ones started crowding around me. “We can do that, Tomoko.” A hand started going through my hair as people started joining into the group hug. “We can do that. You’re never going to be alone.”

That did it.

For the first time in a long time, I started bawling like a baby.

Even with her wedding suit getting soaked, Kei never let go.

No one else did either.

I clung to them, and they let me.

This was real.

And every time I wailed, the tight, combined grip on me reminded me of that.

[foxycrafter]

Compass part 5

http://foxycrafter.tumblr.com/post/174410757630/compass-part-4

“Alya” she half shouted down the phone “Alya Alya Alya!!” she continued and her friend could do nothing but stare at the offending object while waiting for her friend to calm down. “Just spit it out gurl” she managed to say between the repeated string of her name. “AdrienwasoverbutthenLukacameoverandhehadmybookthatIforgotandIthoughthehadlookedinsideitbuthedidn’tbutthatisnottheimportantthingbecauseAdriendaskedmetogotohishousetomorrowtolearnpianoandLukaistakingmetothecinemaandIdon’tknowwhattodo!” Marinette blurted out without taking a breath and it too her friend a few moments to decipher the run on sentence.

“Adrien was over at yours, and you are going to his tomorrow…” she started with and Marinette made a umhum noise in reply “But then Luka showed up to give you back your book and asked you to the cinema?” she finished with, and this was followed by a sequence of noises and finally a whine. “I will be right over”

True to her word Alya was at the door in under 30 minutes, she went straight up to the attic room only to find her friend burittoed in her blankets making small noises every few seconds. She dug her out of her fortress of squirminess and sat her on the bed to tell her the full story from start to finish. Marinette explained how the night before she had run into Luka and ended up staying with them for a while after the ‘heartbreaker’ attack, and she how she must have dropped her book while she was there, but then she explained how awkward it had been with Adrien at the start, but how they relaxed into it and had lots of fun.

“He offered to teach me how to play Piano Alya! I get to sit next to him, and he will be holding my hands as he shows me things, and maybe then he might…” her face went red as she imagined leaning back against him and then he held her close, but even as she was imagining that, Adrien’s hair was dark and tipped with blue. Her blush grew deeper and she threw her hands up to cover her face. This just caused Alya to laugh a bit. “and how did Luka get in the way of this?” Alya asked and Marinette opened her fingers just enough to look at her friend. “He… I… I sort of forced him up into my room when he was about to tell Adrien…”

Her eyes widened in Horror, she had dragged Luka to her room in front of Adrien! OH NO! She had practically body slammed Luka when she covered his mouth! What on earth was she thinking! What would Adrien be thinking?! What if he thought that they were dating? Well she was going on a d-d-date with Luka, but that was not like they were dating dating right?

Alya seemed to figure out what was going on in her friends head as she tossed and flopped on her bed. “Mari seriously, what’s the big deal? This could be good for you? I mean you like Luka too right?” her friend reasoned and Marinette stopped flopping dramatically to register a nod “Okay, we I say enjoy it, Go see Adrien tomorrow, just relax, and then afterwards go out on your date with Luka. Don’t think too much about it. Just let your compass guide you girl”

Mari sat up in her bed and actually smiled “just let whatever happens, happen.” She said and Alya agreed to that, after calming down a bit more they enjoyed some hot chocolate and some of the cake that Adrien had made, it was really good and Marinette found herself more than impressed by it. While they were eating Marinette remembered she was meant to call Adrien to arrange going to his the next day, but she decided to text instead. ‘Hi, so is it still okay to call tomorrow? Totally fine if it’s not. Just wondering?” and he replied almost right away ‘morning okay? I have a shoot in the afternoon?’ She smiled down to her phone and then to Alya. ‘Morning would be great!’

--

Morning came and Marinette found herself at the front gates of the Agrest manor again, only this time she was invited, she rang the bell and bounced from foot to foot. Within mere moments the gate was opening and a tall dark haired woman was walking out to greet her. “This way miss Cheng” Marinette jumped a bit and began to follow “O-oh Yes! Going that way” she stuttered as nerves overtook her, she was lead to a spacious music room where Adrien was waiting for her with a friendly wave and a smile, she waved back and made her way to him by what could only be described as scurrying, Adrien chuckled and thanked Natalie for showing her in.

“So where do you want to start?” he asked her and she opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water, this only had him laughing more and he moved over to the grand piano in the center of the room. “Well how about this? I will show you the basic keys and we can start you off with an easy song?” she nodded to this and moved over to the piano stool, it was just like she had imagined it would be, she was sitting close to him, and he was pointing out each note for her. Though he wasn’t exactly holding her hand as he did it, it was still pretty near what she had imagined.

Well all except him morphing into Luka. Her cheeks flushed as she thought about that and Adrien seemed to notice, though he didn’t say anything about it, he just flipped out a music sheet and said “Do you know how to read music?” this was enough to bring her back to reality and she looked from the sheet to him and then back to the sheet “A little bit, but I never really understood the marks other than the notes.” She said and Adrien smiled and began to explain what each symbol meant.

It was difficult, but fun at the same time, and after an hour she managed to play frere Jacques at a decent pace. She laughed about it being a childs song, but Adrien just told her that that was how he started out too (though he neglected to tell her that he was a child at the time) “Hey” he said after a moment “Are you hungry? I can get some lunch brought out to us if you like?” she felt herself going a bit wide eyed to that but just nodded before saying “If it’s okay?”

Of course it was okay and she ended up at a large dining table with him, it seemed a bit surreal to be sitting at such a huge table when it was only the two of them there, and she said as much to him “Well” he replied “It’s worse when it is just me” he finished and Marinette felt a wash of pity flood her, Adrien must have noticed and he tried to laugh it off “Ah, no, I don’t mind it that much, besides, I get to go out and hang out with you guys now. And having band practice with Luka” he paused for a second as he said that name and looked at Marinette, and just as he thought would happen, she went as red as a tomato. He smiled, but at the same time he was not very happy about it. “Well, let’s just say I am not on my own anymore”

Marinette smiled to this and was thankful he didn’t say anything more about Luka, or at least, she would have been if he hadn’t “So… You and Luka seem close.” He half stated, half questioned and Marinette almost fell of her chair as she backed up and waved her arms “No no no! I mean not the way you think, not that I know what you are thinking, it is just that I left my book and I have drawings in there that I don’t show people and I thought he was going to tell you what they were, but he hadn’t actually looked so I really didn’t need to cover his mouth like that and drag him away, but he is really only a friend right now so there is nothing going on at all, not that you asked me that, but I mean he is nice and all and I am sure you know that too because you play in the band with him and all so, but” Adrien laughed and Marinette fell silent. “okay okay, you are friends.”

Adrien couldn’t explain why he felt relief after that, and in truth, Marinette had been on his mind for a while recently, Luka had actually been asking him about her a lot recently, and openly admitted to how much he liked her, and it made Adrien really start to look at his friend a bit closer. She was smart and funny, even if she didn’t mean to be half the time, and she was considerate of others too, not to mention talented. The only problem was even if he did think of her as anything more than a friend, he doubted his father would approve. He hardly approved of him being friends with Nino and the gang as it was, let alone starting to date one of them.

He was just staring at her while he thought of this, and it struck him hard, would he really consider dating Marinette? She was just shyly eating her lunch as carefully as she could while he looked at her and it occurred to him, he probably would. But deep down he knew it wouldn’t be fair to her, he was in love with Ladybug, so dating her when he liked someone else would be cruel. She seemed to notice he was staring and he smiled and shook his head, finishing his lunch too.

After that, they ended up playing games and talking about the pastries he had made the night before. “Natalie had them brought out to my father during our supper, I didn’t tell him I made them until he was finished, it was funny to see the look of both horror and surprise on his face.  He enjoyed them though, and praised me on my skill but he said he didn’t want me to get any notions of becoming a chef as it is not the Agrest way” he said and laughed a bit at the end, and so did Marinette “Well I guess he has a point, I can’t really imagine you working in a bakery” Adrien smiled and then it faded “Really? Do I stand out that much?” He asked and she instantly regretted her wording “No no! I mean, I am sure you would be amazing at just about anything you tired, but, A bakery just, well you should be a film star or famous or something, not working in a store like I do”

“I couldn’t agree more” came a voice from the doorway, both Adrien and Marinette turned to see his father standing there looking at them, Adrien’s agent was also lurking behind and it was only then that he realised the time. “Ah Father, sorry, I didn’t realise the time” he said and his father said nothing but just looked at Marinette, he didn’t hate this girl, she had proved herself talented and she had given his son good advice before, but for Adrien to become so distracted was an inconvenience.

http://foxycrafter.tumblr.com/post/174629279345/compass-part-6

[maryxglz]

Tom Hiddleston is captivating in Branagh’s wonderful Hamlet

by Esther de Jong

This is my personal account of the RADA production of Hamlet, directed by Sir Kenneth Branagh and Tom Hiddleston as Hamlet. I’m not a reviewer, this is really just a random collection of my impressions of an amazing unexpected experience.So I went into the ballot for RADA’s Hamlet basically on impulse because of the fact I’d loved Tom Hiddleston in The night manager and the Marvel movies. And also because I miss the UK and thought it would be nice to see a play in London. I also figured because the odds were not in my favour: egh, what are the chances........Right...It looked like I was right when the first round of the ballot draw came back with a “we’re sorry you were unsuccessful’ email. Disappointing but not unexpected.                                   They did mention something along the lines of: “oh there is a chance there will be a second round if not all tickets in this round get sold. But don’t count on it as the response was unprecedented.” The draw would be exactly a week later and I didn’t get any email on the date. However, the day after an email notification from RADA popped up on my phone. It started with: Congratulations, you were successful… and the message broke off as they do in those notifications. So I waited in disbelieve as the phone opened the email; and there it was; I had been successful in the second draw and was able to go online to get a ticket. The RADA website looked to have a difficult time dealing with the high volume of people logging on. The minute you clicked on an available seat a message would pop up that it had been taken. Heart in my throat I finally nabbed a front row, (although back of the stage but still) seat on a midweek performance. And then I did a slightly hysterical dance around the living room. I was going to see a favourite actor of mine play Shakespeare’s most famous character in a show directed by Sir Kenneth Branagh. In an incredibly limited run, where not even the theater critics could get tickets for unless they had entered the ballot. 

This was going to be my first Shakespeare play live and I was apprehensive because I had tried to read it and frankly had trouble really understanding. The internet saved the day as I found a page that put the original text next to a modern interpretation. I’m so glad I read it that way before going to see it because it really aided in grasping the language better.The Jerwood Vanbrugh theatre is tiny, it’s in an oval shape with a quarter of the oval being the back of the stage, the rest of it runs in between the audience. You are on the stage with the actors, especially if you’re in the front row.  I was on the last chair, closest to the back of the stage.Lights go out and I see a shape walk past me toward a small piano on the stage. The first thing we see and hear in this play is Hiddleston playing desolate keys on the piano, singing in a broken voice a text spoken by Ophelia later in the play. “And will he not come again”? (By the way, the score was excellent throughout the play)He leaves in the dark and the lights come up, really bright lights! This happens throughout the play, going from darkened with spot light for the individual soliloquy to lighting every corner. Claudius delivers a speech about having ascended the throne now that his brother King Hamlet is dead, seated behind a desk, signing a treaty and holding up the folder a la Trump. This draws the first laugh of which quite a few will follow in this surprisingly comedy laden performance.

Our first real glimpse of Hiddleston’s Hamlet follows and I’m all of a sudden very close as he enters the stage right, through a door in the set. His eyes are red and tears glisten. I can see that because I’m 2 meters away!  Standing in the doorway, wearing a fitted dark coat he’s heartbroken, grief-stricken by his father’s death. There’s no blockbuster actor, or internet favourite to be found. He’s Hamlet and he’s that for the whole of the play. He’s riveting, you can’t not watch him when he’s on the stage as he is alternating between sad and playing the madness, funny and enraged. Switching between an array of emotions without taking a breather. Hiddleston makes it sound so easy as this 400 year old text rolls of his tongue. It’s mind-blowing to me.  I wish I could go back and see it again because I feel like I missed so much the first time round. His energy is up all the way through, he crawls under carpets, runs around with a Danish flag as a cape and face paint on. He goes from quiet sadness to banging daggers on tables that make you jump in your seat. He twirls his fellow actor playing Rosacrantz around his waist (I kid you not!) Rock and Roll style and kisses Ophelia with quiet passion. You just don’t dare blink for fear of missing a beat.Now Hiddleston’s performance is captivating but the rest of the cast is equal to the task. All of them deliver a performance that is stunning, and well balanced. And sometimes just so darn funny! (it is a Tragedy after all...) Some of them taking on different parts as there are only 10 players. A few of the original male characters are played by women. It doesn’t matter. They tell a story I had trouble grasping but now am totally immersed in. And coming out of it with a new understanding and a thirst to see more, know more about Shakespeare.

I now understand that Shakespeare really needs to be seen and heard on stage. It doesn’t matter if you read all of his 37 plays. I only now  got the essence of Hamlet’s story. Even though this is Branagh’s and Hiddleston’s interpretation, I finally got ‘into’ Shakespeare’s language because I had these wonderful artists take him on and giving me an amazing experience! Being so close to all the actors really gives it a different dimension. There were no microphones as their voices reached every corner of the space just fine. To hear “To be or not To Be” one meter away from me.... it might’ve ruined me for all future theater experiences :D. As is well known to most (if not: Spoiler alert!) it doesn’t end well for Hamlet and most of the characters. I had my heart in my throat for the last Act and as Hamlet lets out his final sigh I couldn’t help the tears. Sad for his story to end this way and simply overwhelmed by the experience and just not wanting it to end. But, like Hamlet’s famous last words:

The rest is Silence.

16 September 2017

[sound-tracker-flac]

Persona 5 Soundtrack Review

The Soul of Style

Persona fans had been waiting for Shoji Meguro (目黒将司) for eight years, the long eight years between Persona 4 and the long-awaited release across two generations, Persona 5. Meguro had risen to widespread prominence with the Persona 3 soundtrack, a refreshing compilation of US pop and J-pop; to this day, it remains among my favorite gaming soundtracks. Persona 5 was a runaway hit upon release both in Japan and globally, bringing the unique, stylish mix of JRPG and Visual Novel to a worldwide audience. The only question remains: has Meguro recreated the musical success of his previous works?

Packaging and Design

Wow. Just…wow. For a series exuberant with style, with P5 being arguably the most stylish entry thus far, the physical copy did not disappoint. Few soundtrack packages wow me, but this one has got to be one of the best things in my collection.

Each of the three CDs were adorned with the bombastic artwork from Shigenori Soejima (副島 成記). The sheen and superb print quality made them feel like collector’s items.

The treasure in this palace*, however, was the booklet. I was glad to see the trend of increasingly detailed booklets in physical soundtracks; this one had a great deal of behind-the-scenes material. Booklets like these add so much value to the soundtrack.

*I’m sorry

It’s got lyrics to all the vocal tracks. Also, more of Soejima’s amazing artwork.

This…this was the Inception-level treasure inside the treasure inside the Palace. The composers’ commentary on quite a few tracks that spans two spreads. Plus, this spread features best (party) girl. (I went with Hifumi #sorrynotsorry)

The soundtrack is available digitally for $29 (on iTunes, at least) but I highly, highly recommend the physical copy of the soundtrack for its incredible value and insight into the music.

Soundtrack Review

This soundtrack is three discs of Acid Jazz Bliss. The genre, being a mix of jazz, soul, funk and disco, defines Persona 5. The series features themes of duality: with P3, life and death, P4 being deception and revelation; P5′s is injustice and freedom. As such, the soundtrack for each entry needed tonal diversity for the scenarios in their respective thematic spectrums. It may be that jazz was inevitable, given traditional associations between jazz and gentlemen thieves like Lupin III (which the game references often) and Ocean’s Eleven. Considering that Acid Jazz had slowly faded out near the end of the 90s, Meguro’s choice was surprising. Nevertheless, the genre as a musical theme to P5 was a damn near perfect choice—the soul and funk aspects of the genre allowed for Meguro to capture the essence of the “melancholy”* and “unrefined/not-yet-mature”* nature of the protagonist and, consequently, the game.

The defining example of this slow-burning, bluesy emotion was my favorite track, “Beneath the Mask.”

This theme and its permutations was the nighttime theme of P5, playing whenever the protagonist returned home to cafe LeBlanc. Performed in a melancholic G Minor, the slow jam of this theme stylishly captured the emotion of winding down when one finally gets home after a day’s work. The two defining instruments of the soundtrack—namely, the bass and the electric piano—sets the slow, smooth swing of this theme. Lyn, the stunning vocalist of the soundtrack, shows off her fantastic range and nuance in this track. She begins with a soft, conversational tone in the midrange, rising to the main motif “I’m a Shapeshifter…” in the treble G with a held-back falsetto, then dropping down to the Contralto G as the motif section ends. “Beneath the Mask” dances between Lyn and the instruments taking the lead, making for a superb background theme that I never tire to listen to. The lyrics, too, made for a wonderfully forlorn piece:

I’m a Shapeshifter At Poe’s masquerade Hiding both face and mind All free for you to draw I’m a Shapeshifter Have no face to show Please don’t take off my mask Revealing dark

I suspect that, had another composer-vocalist combination attempted the piece with these lyrics, it would have been too campy. But Meguro’s composition and Lyn’s dynamic Contralto voice sculpted it into a beautiful slow jam. I am a huge fan of Lyn’s trail-off on the word “shapeshifter” at 3:42—that little touch gives this theme so much more soul.

Meguro commented on this piece:

“Of all the vocal tracks we have made, Lyn’s performance was my favorite in this one. Also, her singing ability was really amazing. The shuffle (swing) tempo made this a really difficult piece to sing, but she shone through.”*

*Shoji Meguro, Persona 5 Soundtrack Booklet 

Other noteworthy slow pieces in the OST are “Confession/Secret,” a theme filled with low-key emotional tension brought on by the drums while being encapsulated by a methodic distortion, and “Alleycat,” which was led by two different styles of electric piano. The latter actually reminds me of old Japanese TV dramas because of how melodramatic it was, but quite fitting, given the scenarios it played in. “Sunset Bridge” also served as an excellent accompanying piece to the denouement of each story arc. With these pieces in the soundtrack, Meguro has shown his mastery of the electric piano. The sound of the instrument is almost always soft, but he created these calm pieces with their own nuances to fit their respective scenarios. 

Above all, the soundtrack is chill and sassy. Given that a great deal of Persona titles take place in visual novel sequences, it became paramount to engage the player with the feeling of the setting. Luckily, like P3 and P4 before it, Meguro succeeded with flying colors once more, P5 perhaps being the best due to its thematic consistency.

Acid Jazz allows for flexibility in the intensity of different tracks while tying them together with a thematic overtone. “Break it Down,” for instance, played Marcia Moderato (~85bpm) and “My Homie,” played Andante (~75bpm) at different scenarios while hanging out with friends, as different tempots are required for their respective levels of activity. Even classroom-related themes like “Is It Boring” and “Life Goes On” were not, well, boring, though I found myself wondering why I stressed out over taking goddamn tests in a game after I had graduated my schooling in real life. 

An interesting musical element that occurs throughout these themes as well as many tracks, by the way, was the use of grace notes, when a note is played immediately next to another that is not accounted for in the bar note tempo. Grace notes are a staple in different types of blues and jazz, allowing for more improvisation, fluidity, and freedom. Fitting, then, for “freedom” was one theme of Persona 5.

I miss these guys. Source: https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=59685294

Furthermore, the disco and funk elements of Acid gives power to higher-intensity tracks. “Tokyo Emergency” draws a convincing picture of the metropolitan rush in the capital city; from the nonstop swarm of orderly pedestrians to the maze-like train stations, the theme captures the energy of Tokyo in full funk fashion. “Layer Cake,” a personal favorite, is weird from the outset, not unlike the shady in-game airsoft store “Untouchable” filled with an odd air the moment you step in it. The ominous intro with the spider-like accompanying rhythm in the background and discordant four-note structure creeped me out, but quickly settled into a rhythmic jam led by the guitar and bass, revealing the owner’s passion and expertise under a hardened exterior. 

The key themes of the soundtrack, however, really…uh…stole my heart*. “Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out there” was the first theme from Persona 5 heard around world upon its trailer debut. From then on I knew P5 to be another top-tier soundtrack. This track starts with simple opening with just three instruments, an elevation by the synth strings, followed by Lyn’s powerful voice. This theme, along with “Life Will Change,” forms a two-movement structure that encapsulates the theme and aesthetics of Persona 5. The realities of life are often a source of disillusionment for young adults—corruption, exploitation, all fueled by greed—and the party members of the game were no exception. But the youthful energy of this musical motif marvelously brought forth the ultimate message of Persona 5: not “life might change,” not “life can change,” but “Life WILL change” upon us putting ourselves out there.

As a (relatively) young person who has seen his fair share of woes in the world, the negativity of the world gets me down sometimes. But P5 reminded me that, as long as I still draw breath, I can do something about it. Life is what we make of it, so make the most of it.

*I’m sorry

And by “make the most of it,” I meant doing this to your SO.

The battle theme “Last Surprise” was also yet another superb fight track from Meguro. It was so good, I almost never saw it coming*. Lyn really shone in this piece for her unbeatable vocal range. She began with an almost conversational tone with swing, then quickly rose to her full strength upon all instruments coming to a full stop, entering the main motif, then softening with the lyricless “oooooh”s. The three sections made for excellent loops, which lessen the monotony of repetition.

*I’m sorry

Pieces of Meguro’s distinct personal style of rock still pepper throughout the soundtrack. The miniboss theme “Will Power” and the boss theme “Blooming Villain” are both very Meguro-rock, with a strong lead-up and distinct main motif carried by the riff. Meguro said of “Blooming Villain” in particular that he liked the “ta-ta-ta-ta” (four-beat drum tuplet) coupled with the guitar. An interesting piece as almost each bar of the first movement was defined by this drum tuplet and shaped the very melody itself.

A Persona (and Meguro, for that matter) signature, nonetheless, is an awesome final boss battle theme, and the flagship for all the action pieces in P5 did not disappoint. “Rivers in the Desert” carries with it all the weight and momentum of the decisive moment. Carrying the tradition since P3, the primary antagonist (often the second-to-last boss) is the main fulcrum of conflict. The False Messiah from 3, the real murderer from 4, and now with 5, the encounter was the most personal out of all of them, for injustice was wrought upon the player on an intimate level. “Rivers in the Desert” elevates that climax to a new degree; the namesake of the song harkens back to the theme of “Life Will Change,” and the way the party changes lives is by bringing humanity to a place seemingly desolate of it. Not only that, but the lyrics illustrate the mindset of the protagonist in the first person: 

I’m keeping the balance, but I’m standing on razor’s edge now Move quick, or my life is over One strike, just a feint, then… I’m outta his field of vision

Meguro gave more praise to Lyn for this piece, stating that the A Major was difficult to perform in along with the five-track instruments as well as the chorus. “Rivers in the Desert” is a beautiful combination of instruments, lyrics, and Lyn’s voice. Even though it doesn’t quite hit the heights of “Battle for Everyone’s Souls” from P3 for me, it is certainly a magnificent boss theme.

I have two very minor gripes with the soundtrack, the first being its mixing. For the Acid Jazz genre and performance of the bass (instrument), the lower end of the audio spectrum probably should have been more pronounced. I have to clarify that I am not a fan off exaggerated, bloated bass a la early Beats headphones, but in several P5 tracks the midrange is a little overwhelming when an extension towards the lower end would have been more appropriate. The electronic piano and other synth elements are often dominant in the midrange; the bass and parts of the percussion gets lost in that sound range, and mixing it “true” as it did rendered some tracks that are supposed to be heavier ended up a little less impactful. This is, however, minor, and most audiophiles will prefer this mix as the treble is preserved for percussion and Lyn’s vocals. For a home theater system with a dedicated, powered amplifier, I would recommend finding a good LFE crossover point in which the “twang” of the bass hits the activation and leave everything else for a more impactful experience. That is not to say to listen to this soundtrack with headphones or speakers that overexaggerate the bass, as the treble will fall off a cliff on those systems, losing the fidelity of Lyn’s performances.

The second is a series soundtrack staple and not necessarily in a good way, and that is the pronunciation of English in some of the lyrics. Shoji Meguro had been concerned about it since P3, with an embarrassing mistake in P4 (”give a shit” instead of “give a shot” in “Signs of Love;” this is remedied in the Persona 4 Dancing soundtrack). However, Lyn does an incredible job most of the time, and I don’t blame her for the very minor instances in which this happens in P5, as the tempo for some of these songs are indeed difficult.

It’s difficult to write about a soundtrack that has 104 tracks, but one thing is clear: the Persona 5 Original Soundtrack is a must buy for any Persona 5 fan and otherwise those who enjoy Acid Jazz. The value of the soundtrack is excellent with the insightful booklet and fantastic artwork. The soundtrack’s recording quality, bar my small complaint, records the performances in impeccable detail; “Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There” deserves to be listened to in 24-bit fidelity. Most importantly, the consistent quality of the songs in the soundtrack has made it one of Shoji Meguro’s best works. On a side note, I was surprised to learn that Lyn herself said that P5 was not only her first foray into the Persona universe, but also her first soundtrack recording. All of her performance carry with it a sense of confidence, bombast and professionalism hard to find in vocals. I look forward to seeing her return to vocal work in soundtracks.

Now get out there and steal some hearts, everyone. Or maybe go to bed, I dunno.

Credit: @pipi_gogo 

The soundtrack can be found digitally on iTunes and the hard copy from Amazon and Amazon JP. I purchased the copy for myself and this review is not associated with Atlus, SEGA, nor any of the aforementioned companies.

[nad-zeta]

Match up! (~˘▾˘)~

 Hi again…can I get an Ikevamp match-up? I got curious on who I would end up with tbh😅😅😅

About myself…I never lose a temper, I am extremely shy and quiet, it’s extremely difficult for me to trust new people. I am around 5'9 feet tall, above shoulder length messy brown hair tied into a ponytail; I would be mistaken for a boy if I let my hair down. I wouldn’t even notice if they mistook me for a boy until someone addresses me as one😅😅😅. I look intimidating at first sight because 1.)I am silent most of the time, I look cold and aloof, I never smile, and 2.) I can be blunt without noticing + my difficulty of showing emotions would make them think I’m judging their soul *yikes…whoops?😅😅😅*. That intimidates most people and when in reality when I am the one who feels more intimidated by them. 😅😅

Once I warm up, I have this side that only my family and close friends know. I get along well with anybody; I won’t judge people for their race, beliefs, personality, religion, and all. It doesn’t exist here when I befriend them 😊. I have this weird sense of humor that can turn dark and morbid without noticing… 😅😅 I am like a child at Christmas when it comes to new art supplies, baking, and cooking new recipes; I love sharing it with my family and friends. I can compare my strength to a guy and I can carry heavy things without a problem😅… I love to play the guitar and I used to play the piano when I was younger and I missed playing it. I’m extremely rusty after not practicing for 7 years now😥. I can still read music notes, and it will take longer for me to navigate the piano if I play it. I mostly draw and paint right now tho…

I’m not a fan of wearing girly clothes, and I would rather stick to wearing good ol’ shirts, polo (long/short sleeves), pants, and hoodies style. I avoid drinking alcohol because I easily get tipsy; I’d turn into a loud drunk after a few sips.  My friends would often keep me away from who knows what they’re reading and watching stuff… Told me that they don’t want me to taint my innocent eyes and soul or something like that…I never cuss even if I’m used to hearing my classmates swear like a sailor. The first time my friends hear me accidentally swear, they look at me in horror and demanded me to know where I got that word🤣🤣

I don’t like loud and crowded places, I would feel dizzy and suffocated if I stayed there for too long. There will be times on where I’m nowhere to be found since I would look for an isolated place somewhere around the corner for me to hide whenever I want to draw or paint. I am not really confident of my skills in drawing; I have a bad habit of hiding those from my family *which annoys them*. I have another bad habit of being stubborn whenever I got sick, and I wouldn’t even let anyone know I am unwell because I do not want anyone to worry about me. But when someone noticed, I would admit that I am sick. *I would go to school even when sick so I can finish my school works because, whenever I miss a class, there will always be some of them who would deliberately not tell me that I missed something in class so…i learned the hard way.😅* …

I easily get startled by sudden noises if I let my guard down: objects making a loud sound when they drop. I don’t know how to deal with physical affections and would probably get stiff and flustered. I’m not used to guys hugging me cuz would go stiff whenever a guy hugs me *I love hugs and all but… I’m not used to being hugged by guys… 🙁* I’m a bit of a disaster-prone whenever I’m outside, and would accidentally hit my head on lower tree branches and lower places, sometimes I would accidentally sprain my ankle on the uneven ground *if someone made me wear heels especially if it’s stilettos*. 😅😅😅

Yay: I love my coffee with a ridiculous amount of milk and with less sugar; baking, cooking, sweets, drawing, painting, digital art, music, cats, dogs, pokemon, Manga, anime.

Nay: I despise certain types of vegetables that are bitter and slimy. My face would shrivel up seeing those kinds of vegetables. Animal cruelty is a big no-no for me; I normally don’t get angry, and I forgive people within a blink of an eye *that annoys my family a lot😅* but, I will make an exception for that.

I can control my own anger, that no one can tell I am fuming.

If it’s ok with you…😅😅😅 Took me a long time to figure out how to send a more detailed one. 😂😂 I think that’s enough spilling tmi about myself… Whoopsie…😅😅 🦊🐱🦊🐱

Hi hi love! ❤🌻Thank you so much for the request! I had so much fun writing this up for ya and i hope you enjoy it dear! ❤🦊Also i hope you are keeping safe and well and have a super good day!🐇❤ Also sooooorrrry for taking 2 billion years with this! hehe so without further ado........... @xarexraven

So I match you with…………… Theo

The first time you met everyone, you were so quiet and reserved hiding behind Comte. They took one look at you and instantly thought, “oooh great another male guest.” You were wearing a hoodie and jeans and your hair tie keeping your hair in a ponytail, had just snapped as you walked through the door. Comte gave you a gentle push to introduce yourself, and one look at your intimidating face, had the entire household believing that they had another tsundere in their midst. 

During dinner, you had hardly noticed that they all thought you were a boy. The residents all started retiring to their rooms after dessert, when Sebastian handed you a final cup of coffee, “Here you are sir.” Your eyes widened, and you started up at Sebastian in confusion, too shy to correct him/ That is when Comte who was still sitting beside you gave your head a gentle pat, “Sebastian it is quite rude to mistake our precious guest for a boy, especially one who is beautiful.” Both you and Sebastian were left blushing at the comment, that’s when Vincent, who was the only other resident still at the table, spoke up. “I have to agree with Comte, it is not nice to call someone so pretty, a boy.” The resident angel beamed up at you, while Sebastian apologised profusely, and through it all, the only thing you could think was, “man, this is awkward.”

The next morning after Comte explained the whole, everyone in this mansion is a vampire thing, you wandered around the mansion aimlessly. Well, that is until Napoleon came across you and grabbed your hand, dragging you to the dining room, where a feast of sugary goodness laid wait. He told you that he had made way too many pancakes and that they needed help finishing them. No one in the mansion had seen you smile yet, but at the sight of the giant stack of sugary pancakes, you couldn’t help but beam. Vincent had spotted you and flagged you over to sit next to him. “Oi knaap, don’t go hog all the pancakes, save some of the rest of us will you,” Theo loudly exclaimed as you loaded up your plate to a stack of pancakes almost as high and his. At the sound of Theo calling you a boy, Vincent narrowed his eyes at Theo and started scolding his younger brother for being so rude. Theo stared at you in disbelief but with your hair now in a pony tail he simply shrugged and gave you a new nickname “Hondjie”. With the misunderstanding finally cleared up once and for all, you made quick work of polishing off the stack of pancakes with the three men.

After lunch Vincent gave Theo a detailed list of art supplies that he needed, and at the mention of art supplies your ears perked up. Your eyes gleamed in excitement, and your cold, aloof exterior changed to one of an excited child on Christmas morning. Your cheeks were starting to hurt, that had been a record of two smiles in one day. Although even though your smiling felt weird to you, to the three me it was the most beautiful sight. Theo took notice of your enthusiasm and in his typical indifferent voice, asked if you wanted to come along for the ride. You without a second thought nodded, you basically radiated excitement as you went upstairs to put on some shoes and get a jacket. You met Theo out in the foyer, and soon the two of you made your way to the art supply store. 

Comte had told you that you were free to break the bank and buy anything and everything your heart desired, on the condition that he would be able to see your first piece of art created with the new supplies. 

You were so excited at the thought of new art supplies and being able to continue your passion for art, even though you were stuck in the past, that you let your guard down a little with Theo. He asked you in his usual blunt way, why you were dressed like a boy and not wearing skirts and dresses like other women. You told him that you were most comfortable wearing pants and hoodies. The way your eyes were beaming, low key reminded him of his precious brother, and he found himself low key drawn to your pure, innocent energy. 

The two of you spent hours and hours picking out the perfect supplies, you were low key shook at Theo’s knowledge about art and supplies. He actually helped you pick out the best supplies for your personal drawing and painting style. After spending hours in the art shop. The two of you made your way to the waiting carriage, when Theo spotted an ice cream store, his eyes lit up at the thought of sweets. When you saw how excited he was, you suggested that the two of you investigate the shop before heading back. 

For the first time in Theo van Gogh whole existence, a woman had paid for him. He was sitting across from you in the ice cream parlour while you were happily eating away at your sugary treat, still trying to process it all. You had paid as a token of thanks for him helping you pick out the best art supplies. What shocked him even more was during argument about the bill you legit gave him a deadpan look and bluntly said that you were ganna treat him no matter what. After that comment you legit left him blushing and speechless, you truly were a strange woman.

The two of you sat in silence for a few moments when you finally decided to break the ice. You curiously asked why it was that he knew so much about art, and that’s when he revealed that he was an art dealer. And so the rest of the afternoon was spent chatting about art, paintings, drawings and your mutual passion and appreciation for the trade. To say Theo was pleasantly surprised by you would be an understatement, his first impression of you was now so laughable compared to the person sitting before him. The first time he saw you, he thought you an aloof, little boy who seemed to judge him down to the very depths of his soul. Yet as he got to know you, he had come to realise that there was much more to you.

In the weeks to follow you seemed to surprise Theo more and more. The first thing that had this boy sister shook was your inhuman strength. One day as you were helping Isaac sorts out the library. The two of you had managed to fill up 2 huge boxes of junk and clutter that could be stored in the mansions attic. Isaac lifted one of the boxes and determined that it was too heavy for the both of you, so he went to call Theo or Leo who would have an easier job with doing the heavy lifting. As Theo rounded to the corner to help move the boxes, he almost rammed straight into you. “Oi hondjie, you are going to hurt yourself let me take…” As he took the box from your hands, his face started going red, and a vein in his neck started popping out. The box you had been carrying was obviously almost too heavy for him to carry, he turned around swiftly and started walking up the attic stairs. It took you no time to catch up to him carrying another heavy box of your own. At this point you could see a bead of sweat roll down his face. Theo was determined to carry this box up, there was no way he was going to be shown up by a girl, especially one that he liked. He finally made it to the top of the attic and place the box down with a huff, you had to laugh at the small blush that was still on his cheeks. 

Just then out of the corner of your eye, an old piano caught your attention. Theo eyed you curiously still recovering from the blow to his ego, as you sat down on the dusty piano chair and blew the dust of the piano keys. Your fingers moved to their own accord, gliding across the keys to play a familiar song from muscle memory. Theo sat down next to you and closed his eyes to absorb the beautiful melody. As the last note echoed through the attic, Theo opened his eyes, and sapphire eyes glared down into the depths of your soul. He had honestly never in his life felt more drawn to anyone, before he could say anything your stomach gave a loud growl. It was now your turn to blush and look away in embarrassment. Theo then leads you downstairs, where he whipped you up some stroopwafels.

You tied the apron around your waist and helped Theo prepare the sugary dessert. You were so excited and happy, you loved baking and learning/exchanging new recipes. Once the two of you were done making the sweet snack, you sat down and munched on the Stroop waffles and coffee. The rest of the afternoon was spent chatting about your mutual hate for bitter slimy vegetables and love for dogs as you ate the sugary snack and sipped on coffee. This actually started a tradition between the two of you, where once in a while the two of you would exchange recipes and cook your favourite dishes together.

One day as Theo joined Comte in his room for some tea, he saw a beautiful painting hanging behind Comte, it was just filled with so much emotion. “Hey, Comte, did Vincent paint that one, I haven’t seen it before.” Comte gleamed in delight and told him that you were the artist responsible for the masterpiece and that you had given it to him as a thank you gift for the art supplies. Theo was shook, he knew you loved art but to have created such a masterpiece. He stomped his way to your room and knock on your door. He could hear shuffling from the other side, he swung the door open and spotted you throwing a heap full of tissues in the dustbin and hiding the trashcan behind you. All it took was one look at your red nose, pale face and tired eyes to know that you were clearly sick. You tried to play it off and make your way past Theo to help Sebastian with lunch service, when Theo picked you up and plonked you down on your bed. The second your head hit the pillow, your tired eyes closed and you lost consciousness. You woke a few hours later to Theo sitting by your side gently stroking your hair while placing a cold washcloth on your forehead every now and then. You stubbornly tried to convince him that you weren’t sick. Theo narrowed his eyes at you and in a soft, gentle tone said, “Hondjie can you just stop being stubborn for one minute and let me take care of you.” Theo had nursed you back to full health and you got to see a new side of Theo that you had never seen before, his sweet kind gentle side. It was actually during this time when Theo had confessed his undying love for you.

Theo love love loved your art and would insist you show him your masterpieces once you are done with them.  He knew your weren't confident in your skills and would usually hide your drawings so he did what any reasonable person would do. He tickled you until you gave up the hiding spot so he could see your creation.

He also knows you don’t like crowded places or loud noises, so he actually cleared up a room for you to use as your own art room to work in peace, where no one was allowed to disturb you. 

He knew you would get dizzy and feel suffocated whenever the two of you would walk through a busy crowd in the markets. So now every time the two of you cuties go out, he was sure to plan your route using back roads to avoid unnecessary crowds or he would bring King along for a walk with you. Even though King is a sweet, friendly golden retriever, he has come to love you and will do whatever it takes to protect the new member of his pack. Even if that means angry staring down people so they can part like the red sea before you and Theo.

Theo absolutely loves you to the moon and back. He loves your sweet innocent mind and will always cover your ears and glare daggers at Arthur whenever he is telling stories of previous nights conquests as he “doesn’t want Arthur to taint your innocent mind and soul.” 

He absolutely loves to finally have someone around who gets his dark, morbid sense of humour and who can equally match his weird jokes. Often when the two of you are together, you would be quick-firing the weirdest jokes at each other, while being in stitches laughing at each other.

Theo also loves how you have similar beliefs as him in not judging people. It was due to this that he was completely able to open up about his past with you. You helped him to heal and grow from his past traumas. You helped catch him many a time before falling in the abyss, dragging him out back into the light. 

Both of you were pretty awkward when it came to physical affection at the beginning of your relationship. However, after many, a stiff, awkward hug followed by a fit of laughter from how awkward the two of you were, eventually the two of you started to get more comfortable around each other. 

Now when Theo cuddles you, as you draw him as a manga character, the two of you chuckle at the memory of how stiff and awkward it was the first time the two of you had even held hands. Theo will 100% always insist on holding your hand whenever the two of you go outside as he knows just how accident-prone you are when it comes to nature.

Ultimately Theo loves to spend quiet evenings with you snuggled up in his arms as the two of you exchange stories of each other days. He loves to read all your little manga’s you manage to create for him. Although he will never admit it, he always gets super excited when you tell him about an anime you watched or show him your newest manga drawing. He will shower you with endless amounts of hugs and cuddles from the moment you go to bed till the moment you wake up. And every morning without fail Theo will greet you with a freshly bred cup of milky coffee and a kiss.

Other potential matches…………… Vincent 

I hope you enjoyed this dear and i hope you have the best day! 🦊🌻❤