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manicpixiefelix · 2 months

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Whatever you do, friend! Try not to think of Felix in-between Reader and Ollie - maybe on a couch or bed - alternating between making out with the siblings. Felix is breathless and a little dizzy.

vibes 😌💖 but also I have started thinking about this!! trapped in this little fantasy even though you warned me!! You've also reminded me of this absolutely delicious thought you sent the other day;

Reader and Ollie's elite friend group at Oxford now includes Felix, this beautiful boy radiating such glorious himbo energy, draping himself across the siblings at every opportunity and including himself in the groups conversations and plans. The dynamic between the three is so strange as the siblings seem to share Felix.

so since I'm here I'm gonna play in this space for a bit; just a warning it gets a bit suggestive and you all get a bit high --

Because Felix has spent so much of his life as an object of desire. If he admitted that out loud he knows it'd make him sound vain and self obsessed, but it is just true. This, however? The way both you and your brother look at him, touch him, want him? It makes his head spin.

Because Felix has spent so much of his life being wanted, he never stopped to think how fucking good it would feel to be wanted by someone he wants in return.

And there's two of you.

Everyone at Oxford knew the dynamic between the three of you had shifted after you and Oliver had spent the Summer with him at Saltburn. Sure, you'd clearly both adored Felix before, had flirted with him and gone out of your way to be in contact with him, but now it was... official? Was that the right way to put it? Possessive. That's more like it. Uncomfortably hot to think about, he'd once overheard. All three of you took a bit of pride in that when he'd told you. But no, Felix never really minded; he knows people find him charming and beautiful and magnetic, but even he is shocked to have two beautiful heirs so willing to get on their knees for him. He'd take any opportunity to show either, or both, of you off just as you'd both eagerly do the same with very little provocation.

"Our Felix."

In a dark corner of some house party, all of you a little high, a little drunk, tangled up together, curled around him on a loveseat definitely meant for two people, Felix feels like he's losing track of where he ends and you two begin. Its not at the point of indecency - yet - but he's not exactly sure which hands are yours and which are Ollie's, both of you curled up with him pressed between you both. You're tucked up with your head on his chest, while Oliver has his chin on Felix's shoulder, all enjoying the warm, buzzing high that engulfs you as you pass a joint back and forth between the three of you. If this moment lasted forever, Felix thinks he'd be okay with that.

Oliver always seemed to get quieter when he got high, somehow more owlishly observant, but his focus was always unnervingly absolute, if affectionate. You, however, were the tactile one of the pair, insistent yet careless about your love, needing others to keep you in check while in public as your shame seemed to evaporate in the smoke. Sober-Felix is glad for Oliver in those moments, as he seemed to have a great deal of experience in stopping High-You from making a fool of yourself. (High-Felix thinks he's a bloody buzzkill half the time; it's not like anyone would really care if you went down on him under the table at a club, right?)

All that to say that Felix knew it was really only a matter of time before you were pressing insistent kisses along his jaw, practically begging for his attention here on the sofa well after midnight at this house party. He loved having you both like this, with all the world at your fingertips but you both prefer to be holding him. Oliver cradles his face so delicately as he presses the joint between Felix's lips, and you practically melt under his touch as he shotguns that lungful of smoke into your mouth. He mumbled blurry praise against your lips as you hold the smoke in.

"Aren't they just darling?" Oliver sighs fondly in Felix's ear in a voice that reminded Felix why so many people believed the rumours about the two of you. But in this moment he can only bring himself to agree, wearing a smug smile as he nips teasingly at your lips.

"They're just darling," he echoes as you whine and finally let the smoke from your lungs. Felix finally stops teasing and kisses you, just as sloppy, passionate, and desperate as you are in that moment. The moment his hand slides from around your shoulder, down your side to your hip to pull you in closer, you moan faintly into his mouth. Felix feels when you cross one leg over the other, that leg coming making its way over one of his too, but coming to a stop before you can slide your leg between his thighs.

"Careful," Oliver's voice is low and sly when he interrupts you both. When you pull back, Felix sees Oliver's hand on your knee, the thing that had kept things from getting far more scandalous for the time being. While you whine about it, Oliver gives you a placating smile, softly pushing your leg back and passing over the joint as if it's compensation. Felix's head already feels like it's spinning from the sensations of it all, but Oliver's hand is gentle on his chin, tilting Felix's lust filled gaze while you were otherwise taking a hit.

"You'll get your chance," Oliver promises with a wicked grin before he too is kissing Felix. More insistent than his sibling, Oliver bites at Felix's lips, makes Felix think the word obsessive in the most loving way.

You giggle in his ear this time - our Felix, so good to us - as if he'd be anything less than. Oliver's hand is still on your thigh while you're half curled against Felix. A tiny part of him thinks the three of you must be getting looks, if anyone's bold enough to look in your direction, but the rest of him doesn't care. None of you do, your own little world, your own feedback loop of endorphins, all at once desiring and the desired. When he has both of your attention on him like this he is inevitably a mess, the way you lavish him with praise and affection, a lover shared, obedient between you both and simply eager to give as good as he got.

I'm kind of a mess about this dynamic omg...... but so is Felix 🥰🥰

#felix catton x reader x oliver quick #felix catton x reader #saltburn x reader #saltburn imagine #felix catton imagine #oliver quick x reader #felix x oliver #oliver x felix #oliver quick imagine #head heart hand fic #oliver ln au #it shouts back

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arcielee · 7 months

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Interview With a Writer

I know I usually do Ewanverse or HotD, but I fell in love with this story. Thank you @bhxrdy for indulging me and answering my questions. 💜 As always, Interview With a Writer is my ongoing series of the talented souls on Tumblr and ao3, and their brilliant writing!

Dividers by @saradika

Name: bhxrdy

Story: timeless

Paring: modern Finan x original female character

Warnings: Explicit/18+, be mindful of chapter warnings!

So, when did you start writing?

I started really writing, like 10 years ago now - right into 2013. I had discovered and gotten very into (I'm shy to say) k-pop, and at the time, social media was new to me. I had joined a couple of forums here and there, but really got into the thick of it once I joined Twitter and Tumblr. It was also then - for the 1st time - that I found out about fanfiction, which was an unfamiliar concept to me.

Its a bit blurry, but I remember I started reading a few stories here and there about my fave group at the time and - I don't remember the specifics but - I had eventually started coming up with wild scenarios, small ideas here and there, that I wanted to put down on paper.

Writing in general was relatively new to me (a few years before, when I was in high school, I was writing "poems" and other notes in a massive emo-like notebook - all because of a boy of course), so the idea of creating something substantial, like the fics I had read so far, was a bit terrifying but also kind of exciting because I stumbled on something brand new to me and was dying to be part of it along with some new online friends I had made (which I unfortunately lost touch with over the years).

Within the span of 2013-2015, I wrote 28 stories (on a 3rd party site) - a mix of one shots and multi-chaptered fics, which includes 2 unfinished stories - which were left to die by 2017-2018. I had finished school and started working, which totally changed my routine. The lack of interactions in the fandom didn't help either as by then, it was pretty much dying from the band's moving on and eventually disbanding. The stories are still there, my account is still there, as I don't have the heart to take it down. I've spent so much time on them, and loved every genre I wrote. I either went fluffly fluff or super angst and dark, all of them fun to write.

After that I moved away from the fandom as well and just the k-pop scene in general. I took a hiatus from writing altogether too - the will of it had died so I mostly focused on editing. And then, I started back again in 2020, wrote a couple of stuff on Tumblr (for the 1st time) until I stopped again a few months later. The inspiration stopped and I just couldn't bring myself to write anymore. So I moved away.

And then this year, TLK happened and I just had the inspiration back on the tip of my fingers, just swirling in my brain and was dying to write it down, so I gave it another shot and wrote my first Finan fanfic. It was very rusty getting back into it after so long but I'm glad I did because I got to meet amazing people which I'm grateful for.

I have a tendency of daydreaming a lot, I can easily get lost it my own head. Finding out I could actually just write them down, liberating everything I held up and see them face to face vs. just thinking about them, became a whole new ball game.

Where did the plot for timeless come from?

It hit me out of nowhere and happened when I was re-watching The Originals (TVD spin off). I'm not sure how, but it physically/literally stopped me in my tracks (mind you I wasn't doing anything special, just going to the kitchen to get a snack) as if I was hit on the head with it, like, "Yes! omg! shit! this is it!!"

I immediately picked up my phone and started typing random thoughts and notes down for the story. It was very rough, just generalized ideas of what could happen. Some of those ideas did change trajectory from where they started, but I'm hoping they were good changes and worth the story telling 😊

Watching The Originals helped with the inspiration. I knew Finan was always meant to be cursed, I just had to figure out the best way to present it. I also drew inspiration from other witch shows like Charmed, A Discovery of Witches, and BTVS. I love anything related to the supernatural and witchcraft, so it was fun coming up with the initial layout of the story.

At the beginning, I debated if it should be a one-shot or multi-chapter based on how much I had come up with. I was 99% sure I would stick with the one-shot, but eventually the 1% took over and I just went from there...the lines took a life of their own.

Explain your interpretation of Finan. What drives him? Why is he the way he is in timeless?

I was mostly trying to stay true to how his character was built on the show and transport that in writing within the concept of the story (I'm sure I've strayed, but hopefully that's alright).

When we first meet Finan, he's infiltrated modern day life as if he was part of that world, always. Then he meets a woman on a random night and everything changes for him.

Thinking of it this way, the man has been by himself for a thousand years - the life he knew, his family, his friends - everything from his past has disappeared and he is all alone, and so he was just at this point in his existence where he was done with everything, partly discouraged from being immortal, partly begrudgingly accepting of his fate as a man who will never die.

But then he meets Rebecca, a woman who has no inkling whatsoever of who Finan is, i.e. their meet up was random passing of time in the(ir) universe. Once they meet, his life alters. She was the light at the end of a tunnel, she was a beacon of hope. Meeting her, befriending her - he found purpose again. He was ready to fight again, to live like a normal man again.

Throughout the story, I tried to focus on this aspect specifically - on the basis that he is hopeful to become a free man again. And though, there is conflict within himself, to the point he was ready to give up again, I'd like to think that Rebecca was simply someone he needed in his life. Not because of what she could do for him, but because of who she was, as a character, as a person to him. She put her life on hold for him and in return, the universe gave them something that everyone wants - to love and be loved and not be so alone in the world.

Finan, having been alone for a century, found his drive through Rebecca - through her presence, always standing by his side and fighting for him. Them falling in love was an added bonus.

Do you feel Rebecca/Bex complement Finan in this?

I would like to think that she does, because she gave him a new spark into his life, allowing him to feel truly alive again - which was something he had been deprived off since his original lifetime (i.e. since the TLK era).

With Bex's stubbornness driving him insane at times, I think it also helped him on the hope aspect - she was willing to go to the ends of the earth for him, for someone she had just met all because she wanted to make things right, to help him (a stranger, when they met) find peace. She wasn't reluctant about it nor did he even ask for help (he was the apprehensive/suspicious one). And I believe, at the end of the day, it all came down to how they felt about each other from the night they met. They unintentionally nurtured a connection they created until it became so immense, they ended up wearing it naturally, like a second skin.

Not only was she his anchor to the world of the living, Bex had become the part of him that died a long time ago. This makes me believe - in a some kind of weird way - that she was his soulmate. That, despite the heaviness of the curse, Finan was meant to cross path with her, that the(ir) universe gave him a break in the form of a kind-hearted and stubborn as a mule witch. A woman who would end up gifting him a second chance, and the opportunity to experience the good aspect of life again (as well as love).

Where did the dreams and the curse lore come from?

The dreams part of the story was inspired by The Originals, as there is the concept of the “other side” where non-resting souls are (the cemetery/graveyard scene description was inspired by the one they have on the show) - so I leveraged it and made it so Bex was forced into contact with another witch while sleeping instead of through a spell (as she had no reason to contact the dead while awake).

For the curse, I knew what I wanted out of it as it was already part of the original draft when I first came up with this story idea. I knew where it was taking me and how I would want it built - the reasoning behind it though was a bit if the tough part which I had also integrated into the storyline with Bex losing her shit over it.

Any chance of a sequel? Or do have anything else you are working on next?

So, unfortunately no sequel. But it does not mean I haven't thought of an epilogue - or kind of. Just random scenes with Bex of what life is after the ending that randomly play out in my head. I don't think I'll want to write them mostly because I want to keep the ending as is.

I'm working through a few other stories at the moment. The priority ones are for Osferth (a one-chaptered drabble for your 1k celebration, and a multi-chaptered fic which will also tap into the supernatural concept), which I am hoping to get started - officially - very soon!

I have some others dangling as well, which should eventually come soon as well - this includes Finan, Sihtric and Aemond.

Do you have a personal favorite story you'd like to share?

There are so many to choose from! We Were Something, Don't You Think? by Maggie (@inthedayswhenlandswerefew), as well as Comet Donati and Have You No Idea That You’re In Deep?

Some other favorites include Wolf-Heart by @gemini-mama, Crimes of Passion by @itbmojojoejo, Sanctuary by @st-eve-barnes, and Winterwood by @lonnson

There is also a myriad of Finan x Aisling (OFC) fics by @persephones-journey which are heart-wrenching and good.

And Fire in Her Eyes by @emilyhufflepufftlk is another amazing one for Finan fans.

#interview with a writer #iwaw #iwaw18 #bts #of their brilliant writing #writing community

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watercolor-hearts · 4 months

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Hey swettie!! Rumours said that you're doing panick attack prompts🥺 I'd love to make a request for you if you're ok with thaaaat.

10 and 4, for Piarles🤍💙

Hi dear 😊

I took my time this one, that's for sure, but I had to survive the first semester, and also, I don't really know that much about Pierre so for a while I wasn't even sure if I'll be able to write this story for you.

But it's about a panic attack and it's hard to say no to it, especially when back then this was the only prompt I got in a long time. So yeah, I tried my best with it and I hope you like it.

Oh, and another thing. This is the first time something like this happened, but I forgot to include the actual prompts in the story. I only remembered it was a panic attack prompt, I forgot about the actual lines (10 & 4 from a panic attack prompt list). I'm so sorry. I hope you'll still like it. ❤

Also, dear people who want to request a story from me: please check my pinned post before sending prompts and pairings. It has all the important information about pairings and topics I write and don't write for. Let's make each other's job easier. Thank you. 😊

Charles/Pierre, Arthur • 1067 • crash • mentions of dying • panic attack • fainting • hurt/comfort • crying • a religious moment • Ao3 link

Charles was chatting with Pierre outside the Alpine garage when it happened; a loud bang on the track, carbon fiber flying everywhere, fans screaming and crying on the grandstands. A huge crash in turn one.

“Oh my God, who was it?” Charles asked, immediately turning around to see if he could identify the car from where he was standing but they were too far away to clearly see. He needed to get closer.

The blood froze in Pierre’s veins when he saw the crash on the TV on the wall of the garage. It was Arthur. And it was bad. Very bad.

“Charles, wait!” Pierre shouted when Charles started running. Pierre knew Charles shouldn’t go there. They won’t let him close but he still shouldn’t go there.

Charles didn’t listen to him. He needed to make sure his brother was alright.

A few moments later Pierre was able to catch him but it was too late, Charles had already heard words like “it’s a Dams” and “got T-boned” and “it’s in two pieces”. Charles’ throat tightened and heart pounded as he tried to get closer to have a better view.

“Charles!” Pierre touched Charles’ shoulder to get his attention and to hold him back from wanting to go closer.

“Let me go!” Charles shouted, fighting Pierre’s strong hold on him. “I need to see if it’s Arthur, Pierre. I need to—”

“They won’t let you there, Charles,” Pierre told him, trying to guide him away, unsuccessfully. “We should go back to the garage.”

“Is it Arthur, Pierre?” Charles asked, voice trembling. Pierre didn’t know what to say. “Is it Arthur, Pierre?” Charles asked again, louder, his chest heaving with difficult breaths.

“Charles, come back with me, okay?” Pierre asked, looking into Charles’ scared eyes, trying to quickly find a way to get Charles back to the garage before he'd break down. “They won’t let you go there. Come with me. They’ll tell you everything they know.”

“I need to see my brother!” Charles shouted at Pierre when he tried to pull him away from the crowd that was blocking the view. “I need to see him, Pierre! I need to see if he’s—” Charles’ chest heaved as he tried to breathe but he started feeling like it’s harder and harder to do it. They didn’t let him see his brother. They didn’t… “I need to hold his hand, Pierre. I can’t—I can’t lose him. I can’t—”

“He’s being airlifted to the hospital,” one of the marshalls told them, “They’re working hard to bring him back.”

If looks could kill, Pierre would’ve killed that marshall for saying this in front of Charles.

“W-what do you mean to bring him back?” Charles asked, breath stuck in his throat as the realization hit him. His brother was dying. They were doing CPR on him.

The world started spinning with Charles. He didn’t know where he was, his vision became blurry, he couldn’t breathe, he could only feel his heart racing like it wanted to jump out of his chest. Arthur was dying. His little brother was dying. Dying. Dying. Dying.

And now Charles felt like he was dying too.

“-les, look at me,” Pierre told him while putting a hand on his shoulder to distract him, “You need to breathe—”

“Arthur—”

“Charles, please, look at me,” Pierre asked, trying to help Charles calm down but it didn’t seem to work because Charles didn’t listen to him but started hyperventilating instead. Now Pierre almost started panicking too, seeing how fast Charles’ breaths were and how disoriented he looked. He had never experienced anything like this. He didn’t know what to do.

“I can’t brea— I can’t— My chest—” Charles whispered before his sight went from blur to nothing, his only luck not falling on the floor was Pierre’s quick reflexes and strong hands catching him and preventing him from hitting his head.

“Help!” Pierre shouted, blood rushing in his ears as he held Charles’ limp body close to his own, his heart racing like he's just ran a marathon, “I need a medic!”

***

“It was a panic attack,” the doctor at the medical center told them after taking a look at Charles’ EKG, not seeing any abnormalities in it that could cause concern. Charles was now lying on the examining bed, fully conscious. Fortunately, he had only blacked out for a few seconds.

“You sure it wasn’t a heart attack or something like that?” Pierre asked, his thumb caressing Charles’ hand, looking for reassurance and also trying to provide comfort to Charles. “He gestured towards his chest and wanted to say something about it before he collapsed.”

“I’m sure, yes,” the doctor nodded, “His EKG is normal, so is his pulse, blood pressure, heart sounds, and breathing, and there’s no chest or arm pain. It was a really strong and scary panic attack but it’s over now, fortunately. I advise resting for a few hours,” he said, and then looked at Charles, “Someone from your team is waiting for you outside. You can either go back to the garage or stay here for a while to gather energy, it’s up to you. Do you have any questions?”

“Is…,” Charles gulped, taking a deep breath before attempting to actually ask what he wanted to know since he has been conscious again, “Is Arthur… alive?”

“He’s in critical condition,” the doctor replied, “He’d been airlifted to the closest hospital and is in surgery now. This is all I can tell you.”

“Will he…?” Charles wanted to ask, but instead he just shook his head and tried not letting the tears find their way down his face. It was hard not to cry, but he wanted to look strong, and he knew nobody knew if Arthur would survive.

“We are all hoping for the best.”

Charles nodded, closing his eyes for a moment before opening again and looking at the doctor. “Would you please tell my team I need a few minutes alone? I mean, with Pierre. Just a few more minutes and I’ll go back.”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

After the doctor had left, Pierre looked at his and Charles’ hand and then at Charles. His heart broke when he noticed the wet spots on Charles’ face, his eyelashes stuck together from tears, his eyes red and glassy.

“Charles,” Pierre whispered, squeezing Charles’ hand, voice thin from almost crying, “Let’s pray for Arthur.”

#piarles #formula 1 #my writing #formula 1 fanfic #anonymous asks

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copiousloverofcopia · 1 year

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Ahem. May I suggest some Copiiia? With Terzo pounding the ever loving hell outta that ass? 🐀 ♥

The long awaited Copiiia spin off fic from my Let There Be Night fic featuring Secondo x Prime Mover Loren.

Hopefully you guys like it. My first time writing M/M stuff so be gentle!!!

⚠️Copia and Terzo are NOT related in this fic!!⚠️

As the Night Settled In

Also available here on A03!

Definitely NSFW below the cut

It was late—so very late. Looking over at the old Monstrance clock on the fireplace mantle, Copia could tell it was well past 2 in the morning. His blurry vision, making the numbers hazy and indistinguishable. As the night settled in—he rubbed his eyes, pushing back in his chair, and stretching for the first time in hours.

The Cardinal yawned as he gathered up his things and headed out the door, ready to feel the warmth of Terzo's body against him as he drifted into sleep. It had been only a few short weeks since Copia's ascension to Cardinal and he had already placed more pressure on himself than any one man should. The Abbey had been so busy. The halls swarming with new siblings and too many ministry meetings to count—not to mention Secondo and Loren's twins to fawn over. As far as Copia was concerned, his social and professional plates were more than full.

Despite his self-awareness however, he couldn't get his mind to shut down as he strolled through the darkened halls. As he slowly climbed the stairs, Copia's mind was still playing through all possible outcomes of the day's decisions and mentally wading through the checklists that lay unfinished on his desk for tomorrow. It wasn't long before, without realizing, he had arrived at the Papal suites. He carefully opened the door, dropping off his briefcase and files on the table in the foyer as he headed for the bedroom—quiet as a mouse.

He was surprised to find Terzo passed out and covered in his notes, when walking into the room. A field of crumbled papers littering the bed and spilling onto the floor. "Amore?" He whispered, trying his best not to startle his Papa.

"Sí, sí…oh caro it's just you what time is it?" Terzo asked him, pulling himself up in bed and scratching his head as he became more conscious.

"It's late Terzo. Listen, I'll take care of things why don't you go back to sleep." Copia insisted as he gathered up the scattered papers within the room. Terzo watched him in confusion, if it was late, why was he still trying to work?

"Cope…what are you doing?" He asked him, a air of sarcasm in his tone.

"I'm cleaning up a bit." Copia answered, holding a mess of paperwork to his chest. Terzo shook his head as he scooted over to sit along the edge of the bed. He grabbed Copia's arm, stopping his lover from continuing on.

"You'll do no such thing." He explained, pulling Copia to sit down beside him. The Cardinal began to remove his vestiments, pulling off his shoes and unfastening the clasp of his pellegrina. As Copia finally got down to his underwear, Terzo began rubbing his shoulders. Copia's eyes closed, his head leaning into Terzo's touch as he pulled and squeezed tightly the tense muscles.

"What did I do to deserve you?" He asked, grateful for the relief in his tired and aching state.

"Caro, you are working yourself too much. You can't do everything for everyone all the time–that includes picking up after me." Terzo chided.

"Well if I don't pick up after you who will?" Copia teased. Terzo stopped his massage, raising an eyebrow at him as he pulled Copia's face to look at him.

"I can pick up after myself, I'm a grown man…no need for you to do it." Terzo exclaimed.

"Oh is that right? Copia asked, a bit of a chuckle under his breath. Terzo was a lot of things but organized was not one of them.

"I will show you just how much of a man I really am." Terzo hissed as he pulled Copia down onto the bed, crawling to hover above his stuttering Cardinal. While Terzo tried to remain serious, the two of them couldn't help but giggle. Their banter that of an old married couple at times and love sick teenagers at others. They truly felt perfect for one another.

"Amore?" Copia said, a smile on his face and eyes closing as Terzo ran his fingers through his mousy brown hair.

"That being said, I could not live without you." Terzo purred, bringing his lips to taste Copia's. The tasted of coffee from the late nights, still soft and wanting. Always hungry for his Papa's touch. They two eased into their kiss, Terzo slowly bringing his tongue to twist with his lover's. The Papa's hand, traveling down the Cardinal's boxers to meet with his already stiffened cock.

"Mmm.." Copia hummed at his touch. Terzo rubbed him through the fabric, as Copia rutted his hips up against Terzo's hand. They pulled apart, both struggling to maintain their breath as Papa lowered himself past Copia's waist.

"Let me help you relax." He insisted as he pulled his lover's cock from the confines of the fabric.

"Oh amore you don't have to—ah." He mewled as Terzo licked the tip of his cock, swirling his tongue around the head and slowly pulling the shaft deep inside his mouth. Copia pulled himself up on his elbows to watch, Terzo bobbing his head up and down on his lover's length. A full display of lust and love as Copia watched the dripple of spit and precum running down the sides of Terzo's mouth and dripping from his chin. His cock so sensative as Terzo sloppily worked it in his throat.

Terzo looked up into his eyes, their hands reaching for one another's and taking hold just before Copia's head fell back onto the pillow. The feeling of Terzo's soft mouth tightly wrapped around his cock sent hellfire throughout the Cardinal's body. Copia squeezed Terzo's hand tightly as he raised his hips to meet with his lover's mouth. Turning his head to bite the pillow beside him as he struggled to hold off his need to cum.

Terzo could tell he was getting close, smiling devilishly with Copia's cock still throbbing inside his mouth. There was nothing he enjoyed more than watching Copia come undone for him. Papa worked him expertly, using his tongue to press and glide along the base of his shaft—pulling in and out of his mouth as Terzo's own cock began leaking from excitement

With one hand, white knuckled gripped onto the violet sheets and the other holding on to Terzo's for dear life, Copia's balls seized up as he emptied himself into Papa's throat. Terzo gulped back, swallowing all his beloved Cardinal had to offer. Copia writhed a bit on the bed, his cock softened and his skin set aflame. Terzo wiped his mouth clear and stood up along the side of the bed, starting down as his meek and sexy lover.

"Caro, get on your knees for me." Terzo groaned as he began to stroke his own cock, his leaking aiding to his smooth glide along his shaft.

"Oh—ok…" Copia responded, still breathless and weak from his orgasm. Copia crawled on all fours, looking over his shoulder as Terzo's eyes filled with wanton lust.

"Oh fuck caro, I don't know how long I will last, but I need to be inside you. Fill you." Terzo began running his hand down Copia's spine. "Ti faccio mio amore mio mentre vengo nel profondo di te." Terzo moaned as he worked his cock in his fist. Copia wiggled his ass at him, perching his eyebrow up and smiling.

"Amore I'm waiting." Copia teased. Terzo sucked in his bottom lip, his eyes gazing over the swell of Copia's ass. He marveled over just how perfect it was, sliding along his buttocks and grabbing it tightly in his hand. Copia moaned, as Terzo sucked two fingers into his mouth—a firm grip still on his lover's ass. Terzo teased his opening, slowly pushing in the slick fingers.

"Mmmm...there we go." Terzo growled as he felt his fingertips reach the perfect spot inside. Copia rocked back on Terzo's fingers, begging for more sensation—more contact.

"Papa…amore, I need your cock please." Copia whined, his own becoming hard once again from the intense stimulation.

"You want my cock caro?" Terzo began, steadily working his fingers inside Copia's ass, "then you shall have it." Before Copia knew it, Terzo had flipped him onto his back to face him. Papa lining his cock up with his hole, circling it a bit with the pulsing head of his cock.

"Ah fuck!" Copia cried out as Terzo pushed past his entrance, slowly moving inside him, Copia's ass conforming around his girth. Terzo grabbed hold of Copia's hips pulling him closer to the edge of the bed as he began to pound harder inside him.

"Ah…yes…mmm…my dear. Sweet. Cardinal. You feel so good around me." Terzo groaned, fucking into Copia hard, but controlled. Terzo closed his eyes, relishing the feeling of Copia spread out around his cock. Copia began to stroke himself as Terzo fucked him. Terzo reopening his eyes to the sight eliciting a string of indiscernible curses in Italian from him as he pounded away.

"Terzo please. I want you to cum, cum inside me amore, make me yours." Copia insisted, pushing himself back on Terzo's cock with each thrust. Copia was holding on by a thread, fist gliding along his own cock while Terzo filled him over and over again. The sensation between them radiating throughout their bodies.

"Oh Copia, I'm cumming for you, I'm cumming!" Terzo cried, his balls pulling taut and his teeth clenched. The Cardinal could feel the gush of cum bursting inside him, the sheer pleasure causing him to cum once again, hot and sticky over his lower belly.

"I love you so much." Terzo whispered breathy and satisfied, the sweat from his efforts making his raven hair stick to his face.

"I love you too Papa." Copia smiled as Terzo bent over him, bringing his lips to kiss him once more.

"You are my reason for being…you know that?" Terzo professed, slipping out of Copia and falling beside him on the bed. The two lovers stayed still a moment, both exhausted and so content. Copia was now more ready for bed than even before, however knowing he'd desperately need to shower first. He sat up, laughing a bit what what a mess the two of them had made of eachother as he turned to face Terzo.

The Cardinal brushed Terzo's hair from his face, holding his cheeks as they both stared into each other's eyes. Copia inhaled deeply as he tried to stand up on his weakened legs.

"And you Papa, are mine."

Notes:

Ti faccio mio amore mio mentre vengo nel profondo di te-Make you mine my love as I cum deep inside you

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sweetblinginrose · 5 days

Text

𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗻𝘂𝘁,

(Billy Hargrove x fem¡OCMayfield)

Samantha Danielle Mayfield finally decides to move to Hawkins with her sister and mother, as well as her mother's new husband and his arrogant son, William "Billy" Hargrove. What they are unaware of is that, gradually, these step-siblings will discover that the line between contempt and passion is more fragile than they supposed, and what begins as shared hostility turns into an intense and undeniable attraction that both find themselves unable to reject.

warnings: read at your own risk, as it includes a continuous sexual environment, profanity, mention of death and suicide, stepsibling relationship, sex, all its derivatives and vomit/puke!!

autor’s note: this work is entirely my own creation. that is to say, i have not based it on anyone else, so any resemblance to any other work is purely coincidental, as i have been using this format for all my stories since 2019. i hope you enjoy the story. if you find any translation errors, something you don't understand, or similar, please let me know :p

Chap1 Chap2 Chap3 Chap4 Chap5

━━ ✧♡✧ ━━ ✧♡✧ ━━ ✧♡✧ ━━

Chapter six: Baby, Please Don't Go - AC/DC

The dawn light timidly filtered through the blinds, casting parallel lines on Sam's inert figure sprawled on the floor. The previous night had been a whirlwind that had dragged her away from reality and now returned her to its harsh everydayness.

The knock on the door resonated like thunder in the room. Sam, still lying on the floor, jolted. Her head throbbed, and the daylight seeping through the blinds only worsened her discomfort. She couldn't let them see her like this, with swollen eyes and a dry mouth from the hangover.

"Sam!" Her stepfather's deep voice was a desperate shout. "Samantha!" he insisted, this time with a touch of annoyance. The urgency in his words brooked no delay. He had received a call from work and needed to leave, but Billy wasn't home. Sam had to take the responsibility of going to work and taking Max, as she couldn't be left alone if Billy wasn't there.

Sam leaned on the bed, trying to get up. Every step was a challenge, and the world seemed to spin around her. The door continued to receive knocks, and her stepfather's voice filtered through like a distant echo. "Sam!" he shouted again. "Open the door!"

With superhuman effort, Sam made it to the door. The wood groaned under her fingers as she opened it. Neil was there, with a worried look and furrowed brow. "What happened last night, Sam? Weren't you here sleeping?" he asked, more concerned than reprimanding. "It's not the time for this."

Sam nodded, unable to articulate a word, putting her index finger to her lips to indicate he shouldn't make noise, looking at him annoyed. With a slow movement, she closed the door in his face and continued her way to the bathroom. The floor was cold under her bare feet as she slowly stripped off her clothes. Each garment seemed a reminder of the previous night, a blurry mix of fun and excesses, which she couldn't clearly remember. With each step, the feeling of reluctance increased, but she knew a cold shower was her best option.

Finally naked, she opened the bathroom door and let the water envelop her. She closed her eyes, letting the revitalizing sensation wash over her. The hangover was still present, but every cold drop of water seemed to take a bit of discomfort away. Under the shower stream, the dried makeup on Sam's face began to dissolve, revealing the pale and tired skin underneath. With each water drop that fell, traces of eyeliner and lipstick faded, leaving her face clean and fresh once more. The remnants of dried vomit on her knees and chin were also washed away. The feeling of relief was palpable as she felt the dirt and discomfort of the past fade away with each second under the shower. For a moment, she allowed herself to feel renewed.

Sam stepped out of the shower; the cold water had been a necessary shock, a kind of reset for her body still trembling from the excesses of the previous night. The hangover had dissipated like mist at dawn, and she felt almost light. She wrapped herself in a white towel, letting her hair loose, water droplets still clinging to the ends, determined to let the warmth of the day do its job and dry it naturally.

She walked to her room, her feet leaving wet prints on the wooden floor. The air was filled with the scent of freshly brewed coffee and toasted bread, promising signs of a breakfast that could fully bring her back to the world of the living, courtesy of her mother, before she left. But before she could take another step, a blurry figure passed by her like a flash.

Sam stopped her sister with a hand on her shoulder and asked, with a mix of curiosity and concern, where she was rushing off to. Her sister, turning on her heels with a radiant smile, explained that today marked the beginning of summer and that the municipal pool was finally opening its doors. She had heard it was a kind of tradition among the neighborhood youth to gather there on the first day, and she didn't want to miss the opportunity to dive into the refreshing waters with her friends.

Sam furrowed her brow, debating internally. She knew it was her responsibility to take Max to work, where he could play with the machines, just like with his friends, and was supervised by her older sister. However, the idea of depriving her of a day of joy and fun weighed heavily on her heart. After a moment of reflection, Sam nodded with a resigned smile and told her to enjoy the day. She reminded her that she should be careful and that they would meet later at home.

"Stop by the pool after work. The guys and I will be there until late, and I'm sure it will be fun. Plus, then we'll come back together, right?" Sam thanked her for the invitation, but her mind was filled with doubts. "Should she really join them after work? Or would it be better to go straight home and wait there for Max? After all, she would be surrounded by kids."

Sam's indecision was interrupted by the sound of laughter and chatter fading away. Her sister was already on her way to the pool with her friends, who were waiting for her at the door, unaware of the little crisis she had left behind. Sam sighed, went to get dressed, packed an old bikini in her bag, and took the nearest bus to the arcade, with the image of the pool shining under the summer sun still lingering in her mind.

Keith couldn't help but smile when he saw Sam walk through the arcade door. Despite her joy, a shadow of irritation crossed his face as he remembered that Sam was an hour late to work. "Late again, Sam?" he asked in a tone that tried to be light but hinted at his frustration, licking his orange-stained fingers.

Sam, while pulling her hair up into a messy bun due to the heat, shrugged and said with a guilty smile, "Sorry, Keith. The party last night went on longer than expected."

The guy, with an indulgent smile, watched Sam nodding. It was evident that the previous night had been long and full of excesses for her. Despite her tired appearance and the dark circles under her eyes, Sam maintained an air of enthusiasm that seemed unbreakable.

The arcade buzzed with its usual energy, a neon and nostalgia sanctuary where childhood memories came to life to the rhythm of electronic melodies. The arcade machines, lined up like colorful soldiers, buzzed and blinked, calling players to lose themselves in their pixelated worlds. The smell of pizza and soda mixed with the sweet scent of chewed gum, and the air vibrated with the excitement of winning games and high scores celebrated with exclamations and laughter.

As the day faded and the sunset began to tint the sky with warm tones, Sam felt boredom creeping in. The hours dragged on, and every tick of the clock seemed to mock her restlessness. It was then that the earlier idea of the pool surfaced in her mind like an oasis in the middle of a desert of monotony.

With a thoughtful look, Sam weighed the decision before approaching Keith. Her expression was that of a child who knows she's about to break a rule but also knows she has all the cards. "Keith, would you mind if I left a little early today?" she asked in a honeyed voice. Keith, would you mind if I sneak out a little early today?” Sam asked in a sugary voice. “Max needs me at the pool, and I don’t want to leave her alone…”

Keith, having fallen for that angelic face before, couldn’t help but give in to Sam’s request. “Alright, but only because it’s you,” he said with mock seriousness.

After a hurried hug and a “Thanks, you’re the best!” echoing in the room, Sam dashed towards the door with her backpack slung over her shoulder. But before she could disappear into the evening, she came to a sudden stop in front of a phone booth. With quick and precise movements, she pulled out a worn-out notebook from her backpack, its pages filled with numbers and names. Her fingers scrolled until they found Nancy Wheeler’s, and she dialed the number with a mix of anxiety and anticipation.

“Nancy? It’s me, Sam. How about we take a dip in the pool? I feel like unwinding after a stressful day at work. It’ll do you good too, trust me,” she said with a voice dripping with adventure and a hint of conspiracy.

Nancy, with the phone pressed to her ear, felt torn. The interview with The Hawkins Post had been a disaster, and her spirits were low. “I don’t know, Sam… I’m not in the mood,” she began, but was interrupted by her mother’s voice echoing from the kitchen phone.

“Oh, I’ll come with you, girls! The book club is also planning to go to the pool this afternoon, so I can give you a ride,” her mother announced enthusiastically.

Nancy frowned, annoyed by the intrusion, but the idea of spending time away from home and away from the memories of the interview began to seem appealing. “Alright, mom, see you at the station in 20 minutes, Sam,” she responded resignedly before hanging up.

She hurried to her room, where she put on her bikini mechanically, still processing the turn the afternoon had taken. As she looked at herself in the mirror, a part of her felt grateful for the unexpected distraction.

In the car, the atmosphere was different. Laughter and conversation filled the space, and Nancy found herself swept along by the stream of chatter. Sam, with her usual enthusiasm, recounted the blurry events of the previous night’s party.

“And then, this guy, Steve, showed up, and… well, he was really nice, even though I don’t think I treated him very well…” Sam said, with a sparkle in her eyes that Nancy couldn’t ignore.

“Steve? Steve who?” Nancy asked, surprised and curious at the same time.

Sam thought for a moment, trying to remember. “I’m not sure… I don’t think he ever told me his last name,” she admitted with a giggle, downplaying it, but Nancy’s face was a picture.

The conversation quickly flowed to other topics, but Nancy couldn’t help but think about this guy Steve. Could it be… Steve Harrington? The idea seemed absurd, since she hadn’t been to any parties since they broke up and didn’t socialize with anyone, but something about the way Sam described him made her wonder if fate wasn’t playing its cards in an unexpected way.

Nancy was annoyed to think that Steve was so happy after the breakup, not considering that she was already, again, in a relationship.

Arriving at the pool was a relief for everyone. The coolness of the water promised to be the perfect antidote to the summer heat and the worries each one carried.

The girls watched Karen walk away towards a group of well-dressed ladies with extravagant swimsuits, with a mixture of relief and excitement. Seizing the opportunity, Nancy headed towards the lounge chair area, looking for a quiet place to relax with a good book, saving a spot for her friend. Meanwhile, Sam made her way to the changing rooms, eager to enjoy the day at the pool with that bikini she wore so often in California. However, her inexperience led her to take a wrong turn, and soon she found herself lost among the facilities.

Determined not to be defeated by the confusion, she approached a guy who seemed to know the place. With a nervous smile, she asked him for help finding the changing rooms. The guy, kindly, guided her through the corridors to what he thought was the visitors’ changing room. Grateful, Sam hurriedly entered, unaware that she had barged into the staff changing room.

The muffled sound of her footsteps echoed in the changing room as Sam entered, immediately noticing the strange calmness that contrasted with the lively bustle of the pool. However, instead of stopping to ponder it, she went ahead with her usual routine. The changing room, with its polished wooden benches and rows of metal lockers, seemed enveloped in an almost unreal atmosphere of tranquility.

After making sure no one else was present, Sam began to undress with slow and precise movements. Each garment that slid off her body revealed her skin vaguely bronzed from past months. As she removed her clothes, her mind wandered in a sea of confusing memories. She tried to recall the events of the previous night, but the images faded like smoke between her fingers. Only the intoxicating sensation of a man’s lips kissing her skillfully remained, an experience that left a mark on her memory even though she couldn’t remember who he was.

After putting on the bottom part of the bikini, Sam took off the shirt she was wearing, revealing the outline of her figure sculpted by good genetics. With a sigh, she unhooked her bra and let it fall to the ground, now only clad in the minimal fabric covering her hips. As she rummaged through her backpack for the bikini top, a sudden noise echoed at the door, startling her out of her thoughts. Initially, Sam didn’t pay much attention, reminding herself that she was in a public changing room and that privacy was relative in such spaces. However, her tranquility was interrupted by the hoarse and annoyed voice that filtered through the door. “Those damn kids again…” the intruder’s words made her frown, but she decided to ignore it and focus on her task, thinking he would go to the other changing room. However, as the voice approached closer and closer, Sam tensed up, and her heart began to beat hard in her chest. “Hey, I’ve told you three times already that you can’t come in…” the voice echoed closer, and before she could react, the door burst open abruptly.

Her eyes widened as she saw him enter so suddenly, causing a startle in both her and him. The guy in question turned out to be Billy, his tanned skin standing out even more thanks to the vibrant red color of his swimsuit. Sweat droplets lightly adorned his hair, making it shine under the dim light of the changing room as it gracefully fell onto his neck. Additionally, hanging from it was a whistle, reminiscent of a lifeguard.

Billy’s gaze met Sam’s, and at that moment he remembered what had happened the night before, leaving him speechless. He had never felt so nervous around a woman before, let alone in such a compromising situation as this. Sam’s presence, semi-naked and covering herself with her arms, only intensified his confusion and nervousness. His mind went blank, unable to articulate a single word as he struggled to find an excuse or explanation that could break the awkward silence that had settled between them.

“You can’t be here,” Sam frowned at Billy’s words, whispered nervously. The oddity of the situation became even more intense when he lowered his gaze, unable to hold eye contact. For Sam, it wasn’t the first time she had seen him in a similar situation, but this time his reaction was noticeably strange. Questions arose in her mind, wondering why he was there, dressed like that, and what led him to enter the women’s changing room, showing obvious nervousness. However, Sam wasn’t willing to leave the changing room. She shook her head defiantly and decided to kick Billy out. “I’m changing, do you mind?” Sam asked with a hint of mockery, as they often did.

Turning her back to Billy, Sam tried to put on the bikini top without revealing more than necessary, but she encountered a problem when trying to tie the strings, prompting her to ask Billy for help with complete naturalness.

Billy felt uncomfortable with the situation, clearly remembering what had happened the night before. He tried to persuade Sam to leave, but she remained stubborn in her position. “I’ll leave as soon as you help me tie the bikini, idiot,” she responded, frustrated by the delay.

Finally, Billy slowly approached Sam, which annoyed her even more, demanding that he hurry up. However, he complied and positioned himself right behind her, feeling the electricity between them as his fingers gently brushed against Sam’s nape. From his angle, Billy could subtly glimpse Sam’s nipples, which made him feel dizzy, noticing how all his blood rushed to his groin.

With an annoyed tone, Billy asked how she could act so normally after what happened the night before, but he continued tying the bikini without interrupting the process.

Sam was about to ask what he meant by that, but as soon as she felt an unexpected bulge on her lower back, she quickly turned around, surprised, to check what had touched her body. The lack of closure on the bikini caused her round and juicy breasts to be exposed to Billy’s gaze, causing an even more intense blush on Sam’s face and a growing discomfort in Billy. He had never felt so inferior in the presence of a woman.

“Why are you ignoring the fact that you threw yourself at me like a bitch in heat last night?” Billy asked somewhat boldly, causing memories of the previous night to start to clarify in Sam’s mind, increasing her embarrassment and confusion.

“You were that guy?!” Sam shouted, not knowing how to react to the revelation. Thoughts swirled around her head aimlessly.

Finally, she decided to throw a soap that she found nearby, hastily covering her breasts with the untied bikini and her backpack, and tried to leave the changing room as quickly as possible, trying to ignore her stepbrother’s evident bulge in his red swimsuit. The tension in the air was palpable as both tried to process what had happened and find a way out of the uncomfortable situation they found themselves in.

Billy grabbed his stepsister’s arm roughly, preventing her from passing and causing her belongings to fall to the ground with a dull thud, leaving her once again semi-naked and vulnerable. Sam, infuriated by the situation, tried to slap Billy, but he reacted quickly by grabbing her arm and pinning her against nearby lockers. The force with which Billy slammed her against them was enough to leave her slightly dazed, making her look into his eyes as he held her firmly. “Let go of me, idiot! You’re a pervert!” Sam yelled, feeling Billy’s bulge against her, which led her to instinctively cover his mouth to contain any further screams.

The situation became even more uncomfortable when Billy and Sam’s bodies found themselves in a strange and compromising pose. Sam’s erect nipples rubbed against Billy’s toned chest due to the coldness of the lockers, while he immobilized her by placing his leg between hers, causing inevitable contact between their groins. With one hand over her mouth and the other holding her against the lockers, Billy had complete control over her, and Sam struggled to free herself without success, feeling a mixture of fear, confusion, and a strange excitement she had never experienced before, especially with her stepbrother.

“You should know you’re a slut,” Billy whispered angrily, which had a strange effect on Sam. Her body heated up instantly, and she felt moisture between her legs that had nothing to do with the pool water. Billy’s body heat clashed with hers, causing her to wriggle under his grip, unable to control her own reactions.

“You’re not going to tell anyone what happened, understand?” Billy continued, still angry but clearly aroused, as evidenced by his palpable erection. “Otherwise, I’ll make you suffer severe pain, I’m just warning you, bitch,” he added, abruptly releasing Sam and causing her to crash forcefully against the lockers, now fully exposed with her chest still without the bikini.

With the backpack in hand, Sam quickly covered herself and watched as Billy shamelessly put his hand inside the red swimsuit, adjusting it and trying to conceal his erection. “You have a minute to get out of here,” he threatened, with the same hand that he had placed on his bulge seconds ago, putting on the glasses he had hanging in the back pocket of his swimsuit before walking away, leaving Sam disoriented and unsure of what to say or do amid the confusion and bewilderment.

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eldritch-spouse · 1 year

Note

I absolutely love your work the amount of detail and the way you characterize your monsters is amazing. Also I’m curious about admin, I’m not sure if this has been asked before but does admin ever remember what it was like before the clergy or has Krulu wiped those memories out?

[Thenk! <:7 That never fails to put a smile on my face, it's asks like these that have me smiling like a dork.]

To address those questions, Admin has no recollection of many things before life with Krulu, particularly your entire family. You're capable of feeling nostalgia without knowing what exactly triggered it, or even recalling some locations, such as your "grandma's house" from this fic. This is the part I'm referring to:

This is a house you're in. You're sure of it. An old one, the tones of red and yellow and green mixing together in an admittedly old-fashioned wallpaper that no one would dare put in their living space nowadays. There's something about this brown-tiled floor. About the roses in that little pot by the hall. The sun is so bright. Too bright. Like it's jetting in through the windows, focused solely on this one little house, warming your bones. It's comforting, nostalgic. You've been here before. Sure, things are blurry, as if you have something in your eyes, but you can recognize this place. It's…

It's your grandmother's house.

Your grandma. What did she look like again? You've met her, right? Of course, how else would you know this is her home? But what was her name? You should know these things. Everyone knows that. You should be able to recall your family-

A searing headache makes you hiss out loud. Lord, that's awful, fuck. Vision spinning, you steady yourself against the wall. Looking down, and realizing, you're dressed in pure white. A chalk-white dress hanging loosely off your form. Like a gown, a long-sleeved robe of sorts. Hm.

Where are you again…?

What happens here is that these memories aren't exactly erased, so much as they're "blocked" within your mind. They can't be accessed, and every time Admin tries, they just hurt themselves. This is purposeful, a mechanism implanted by Krulu to make sure you don't go poking where he doesn't want.

If you asked Krulu about this (which is unlikely, as these episodes tend to disorient you), he'd tell you that he did this for your own good, that it would only hurt you to cling to the past when you have already given yourself to him, which is a final decision. You may never have contact with your family or former friends ever again, for everyone's safety including his and your own. There's a chance Krulu will lie and claim that you had been mistreated, that they took those memories away to spare you the pain.

However, ask Ludwig about this, and there'll be a jarring difference in opinion. The demon will say Krulu did this to you out of pure selfishness, out of spite for those you loved and a rotten desire to be the only thing that ever matters to you. They wanted a perfect servant, the ideal lover who lives only to please, and they took your memories away, a piece of your identity forever lost for the sake of the god's tilted fantasy.

#Krulu oc #Ludwig oc

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totallyexhausted · 1 year

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You’re So Cool (Yeah, You Are)

(I’m still writing this- just kind of need some inspiration and need to think)

Warning: It’s a sickfic- there isn’t much right now as I am still writing this (this is just like a mid-beginning snippet); but it will follow the norm sickfic with puking, fever, nightmares, self-reflection; also includes depression, anxiety, drunkenness, motion sickness, cats (specifically one named Wasabi), flashbacks, blood, etc. It’s been a while since I’ve posted/ written a full fic so I’m thinking :) but I should be done with this by this weekend as I normally write about 25-pgs, and I’m on 13 right now. I’m trying to follow the Manga/ Anime as close as possible- but I promise no active spoilers as it’s modern aged-AU :)

I’m also working on a Hirano/ Kagiura sickfic/ hurt/ comfort with Kagi getting heat exhaustion while practicing in the heat after school like an idiot. Set after (spoilers) Hirano rejects him, and Kagi trying to assert himself as an individual away from Hirano because of the awkwardness. But basically, Hirano dealing/ processing his feelings, his childhood, Kagi’s childhood, reflection of their lives; and of course, Hirano being sweet and caring as he takes care of a dehydrated Kagi (puking, decreased sweat, needs to cool off, etc.)

Eventually, most likely after the season ends, I’ll post a Buddy daddies fanfic with a sick Rei; Kazuki and Miri caring. I’ve written a few pages but right now I’m more focused on Sasaki/ Miyano :) so yeah. Keep checking in if you’re interested or hit the request box :)

He didn’t need to open his eyes to know it was dark now. The sun that had pierced through his clenched eyelids a few mere hours beforehand, no longer present; the soft chirping of crickets hidden in patches of grass littered along the alley, and the soft breeze of an imminent rainstorm blowing through the open windows, made everything clear. So no, Sasaki didn’t need to open his eyes to know a significant amount of time had passed. Nor did he need someone to tell him that the reason Wasabi was angrily attacking his foot as his right leg hung off the couch, pulling his body dangerously towards the floor, was due to the fact that he’d missed feeding her. Her loud mewling and harsh bites were more than enough to get the message across. He’d fucked up in his fatherly duties towards her.

He did, however, flinch when he felt cool fingers press against his forehead, and cheek, before running through his sweaty hair. He groaned loudly, leaning into the soft touch as he tried to think of who else would have a key to his and Miyano’s apartment. His sister? His mother… She wouldn’t care enough to come over. Hirano? Ogasawara? Although Ogasawara had never once been this gentle towards him even when he was feeling off or had broken bones; and Hirano coming to their apartment without knocking a million times would be weird. Hanzawa would come over, but Sasaki was pretty sure he didn’t have a key… he was resourceful though…

The 21-year-old groaned as he pried his eyes open, wincing as the dusky moonlight hit his eyes, making the room spin in a multitude of greys, blues, and pale browns. He swallowed as he tried moving his arm over his head, to shield his eyes despite forcing them open, but his movements were weak and feeble. Clumsy and stupid. He felt clumsy and stupid. It was annoying.

Fingers paused at his hairline, brushing away bangs matted to his forehead, and Sasaki blinked. He turned his head slightly, his hand pressing against his stomach, and he winced as sharp teeth bit into one of his toes, jerking his leg away as it slammed the end table, and something shattered against the ground. There was a shushing sound before a cold hand pressed against his cheek gently, turning his head, and Sasaki blinked again as his eyes slowly met the blurry image of his boyfriend.

…soft material pulled over his orange hair and thrown against the wooden floor. Sasaki held his breath as Miyano pushed him back against the comforter… No one’s going to be home for at least another hour, you know, we could test that theory… His fingers were so cold, and yet so… Miya, are you nervous?

“Hey, Mya-chan,” Sasaki slurred softly, a smile toying on his lips as cool fingers continued to thread through his hair. He sounded drunk. Maybe he was. He’d only been drunk twice in his short existence on this planet, and neither time felt like this, but then again… Words were too hard to form. Exhaustion hung heavy in his eyes, making the world hard to see; a dull ache deep in his bones, riding the piercing headache throbbing through his temples and up his neck. Everything was too warm right now, so nauseatingly warm, and the thought of having to move from his semi-comfortable spot on their too short couch, made Sasaki’s head spin.

“Hey,” Miyano whispered, running his fingers through his boyfriend’s soft strands, “Are you not feeling well, Sasaki? I think you have a fever.”

A fever? The 21-year-old closed his eyes as he tried to process the information. A fever didn’t sound right. He was too cold for that. The night air that pricked against his skin, eating away at the cold sweat plastered beneath his red t-shirt, and tan cardigan he had haphazardly draped over himself in order to keep Wasabi from gnawing at the black bracelets wrapped around his wrist, told him he was cold. Not hot. Besides, he just had a headache… and he was nauseous. And tired… maybe sore from work. But a fever? No, that didn’t sound right.

“I’m fine,” Sasaki hummed, twisting to his side, bringing his knees to his chest slowly as Miya shifted and the couch dipped slightly as the 20-year-old moved to sit on the edge. Sasaki turned further, burying his head against his boyfriend’s thigh as Miyano pressed a steady hand against his back, brushing some sweat-soaked hair away from the ladder’s neck. He bit his bottom lip, carding his slender fingers through the older’s hair again before placing a firm hand between his shoulder blades, his fingers cold and worried against warm sticky fabric.

Silence evaded the small living space as thunder clapped in the distance. Outside leaves dragged across the street as wind bustled through the open window, the curtains dancing freely against the breeze. The distant smell of rain lingering on the air, chilling the breath wisping past Sasaki’s dry lips as he pressed his face further against Miya’s thigh. You have to be more mindful, Shuumei, otherwise, if you’re not careful, you’re going to hurt someone you really care about...

“Well, why don’t we check,” The 20-year-old cooed, “I’ll be right back, okay?”

Wasabi meowled loudly as Miyano exited the small living room, and Sasaki ran a hand over his face, trying to rub away some of the exhaustion plaguing his body, trying to will himself to feel better. It was a useless task. And the fact that he had slept so long when he was supposed to make dinner before his boyfriend came home, wasn’t helping his current situation.

He really needed to get up. This was so lame. He was so lame. Sasaki groaned loudly as he uncurled himself, grasping at the arm of the small futon as he forced his body to sit up. The room shifted violently, and the 21-year-old let his head flop against the back of the cushions, sweat trailing lazily past his temple. He grit his teeth, closing his eyes as nausea washed over him, and he put a firm hand against his stomach as he concentrated on the rain beginning to fall. It hit the windowsill softly, clinking against the metal frame before sliding down the rest of the open glass, soaking against the wooden ledge.

Sasaki swallowed. His breathing noisy and congested as he held onto the sound of the rain, the thunder looming in the distance, and Wasabi weaving between his legs. The room around him felt thick. And cold. And any movement he made or tried to make, made his headache worse; made the blood rush to his head, the air dizzy and light. It sucked. He sucked. Great, he was feeling sorry for himself now… How pathetic.

“Hey! Sasaki! Are you okay! Is it worse?”

Nervous footsteps followed by a soft smack against his side, and Sasaki opened his eyes against the warning nauseatingly coursing through his veins, the black dots eating away at his vision, and the headache crawling up his neck, pulsating behind his eyes. He smiled slowly as Miyano pressed his hand against his chest; his mind drifting to the first time. His first. Theirs…

…Miyano’s cold fingers sliding over his bare chest, sliding down… down… down… He’d been so gentle, and yet, so clear about what he wanted… so dominant- Miya had been surprisingly assertive… it was nice… His cold fingers warming against Sasaki’s back, pressed against his spine, feeling his heart pounding through his chest… fingers…

“Shuumei?”

“I’m fine,” The 21-year-old breathed, or at least, tried breathing through his nose as he ran a shaky hand through his sweaty orange hair. He really needed to get a handle of his current situation because this was weak. He was cooler than this. He wished he was cooler than this. He swallowed again, meeting his boyfriend’s gaze, “I’m sorry about dinner, Mya-chan…”

A small smirk crossed Miyano’s face as he laughed softly, “I’m not worried about it. Your sister said you didn’t look well, so I grabbed something after my 3rd. I just wanted to see you; I was worried about you.”

Sasaki felt his breathing catch, his hand unconsciously moving from his stomach towards Miyano’s pressed against his chest, over his pounding heartbeat. His warm fingers ghosting over the back of the 20-year-old’s hand before he caught himself, recoiling carefully and let his hand drop to his side. He exhaled slowly, forcing himself up further, his whole body protesting the action. He didn’t go to his evening classes… Why. Why would he do that…

“Why? Why wouldn’t you go to your evening classes? They’re important,” Sasaki whispered, blinking several times, clearing the dizziness washing over him as he tried focusing on the emotion present on his boyfriend’s face versus the sick feeling aching in his stomach. Miyano ran a gentle hand through Sasaki’s hair, his hand trailing to his cheek. He grimaced as his fingers met the uncomfortable warmth sitting under the older’s flesh. He cleared his throat, “Well, isn’t it obvious? You don’t feel well. And I wanted to take care of you… I wanted to see you. You’re more important than missing a few classes.”

The 21-year-old let his head gradually drop against Miyano’s shoulder, hoping that the heat he felt crawling up his neck, flushed against his cheeks and ears was due to the fever he supposedly had. His orange hair falling over his face as he tried so damn hard to keep it together. Everything was getting to him right now. Miyano’s touches, his concern, his love; his own emotions washing through him in uncontrollable waves as he fought to keep himself together. But everything was starting to feel like too much. Again. His anxiety, his depression, his weak-willed mind threatening to break against the love he felt for Miyano and the love he was willing to return. Too much… it happened; more so when he felt like shit… when he had a harder time keeping himself in line… Man, Miyano. What you’ve done for me- What you do for me. I like it all, and I-I’m so anxious, so nervous I’m going to fuck it up. I’m going to mess this up… I’m so scared I’m going to ruin it… ruin you… I’m terrified I’m going to hurt you…

Cool fingers against his cheek again, dusting under his chin, pulling his head up, and Sasaki found himself blinking towards his boyfriend; concern etched into his big brown eyes. Miyano cocked his head slightly; thunder echoing outside as the curtains whipped past the open window, rain pelting harder against the sill. Wasabi scattered from the room as lightning hit the roof across the street and a car alarm blared in the distance.

“Let’s see if you have a fever, hm?” Miyano said softly, his hand steadily tracing over Sasaki’s shoulder blades as the older leaned against him, his head returning to the younger’s shoulder. Silence evaded them, filing the small room in an uncomfortable stillness...

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clotpolesonly · 2 years

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A Nightmare In Fuchsia

for the Stiles Shipping Central discord’s monthly ficlet exchange!! @illbeintheend i tried to go for more humor than fluff 😂 lemme know if i succeeded haha

(also on AO3)

Stiles had never anything against flamingos. They were a little garish, sure, and they made any and all merchandise using their likeness positively reek of Florida vibes whether the product actually had anything to do with Florida or not, but Stiles had always had a certain amount of respect for flamingos. They had flair! They had a great gimmick with the whole one-foot-balancing thing! They could survive in weirdly extreme climates and conditions!

All in all, they were pretty cool birds. Stiles had never had any problem with flamingos. But apparently, today, they had a problem with him.

Or, more accurately, the sorcerer—yes, he was Floridian, go figure—had a problem with the whole pack and had decided to express this grievance in the form of a goddamn flock of fucking demon flamingos let loose to chase them through the Preserve. Stiles was no expert, but he was pretty sure normal flamingos didn’t have teeth like that. Crashing through the trees behind him, hot on his trail, they sounded just like the velociraptors from Jurassic Park. Maybe they were a hybrid or something.

Stiles didn’t turn around to look more closely. His only saving grace was that it was, for once, not the middle of the night and he could actually see where he was putting his feet this time. That was probably the only thing that had saved him from tripping and rolling face-first off a cliff by now, to be set upon and likely eaten.

Good god, he was really gonna be taken out by Florida Man’s life-sized snow globe decoration turned attack bird. This is not how he’d planned to die. He’d been hoping for something with a little more dignity to it, and, okay, maybe he spoke too soon about not tripping off a cliff.

He’d just grabbed hold of a tree branch to fling himself to one side—zigzagging was for alligators, but why shouldn’t it work here too?—when his foot found a slippery patch of leaves, and then he was falling. It was a hill he rolled down, not a cliff, but it still hurt like a bitch with every point of impact. His bones rattled and his breath was gone and the pterodactyl shrieks were suddenly a hell of a lot closer and there was nothing he could do but lie there and hope everything stopped spinning in time for him to start running again.

One second, there was a whole lot of pink encroaching on his blurry field of vision. The next, there was familiar green plaid and a roar that shook the ground. Stiles was too busy heaving an enormous sigh of relief to see if Jackson actually fought the damn things or if they just got spooked and booked it back to their master, but the next thing he knew, Jackson was on his knees beside him.

“Hey, dumbass,” Jackson said, worriedly. “You break an bones?”

“Love you too, sweetcheeks. And I don’t think so.”

With Jackson’s help, Stiles managed to force his battered body into an upright position, but there wasn’t much he could do about his dignity. The perfectly smooth, expressionless look on Jackson’s face spoke volumes.

“Go ahead and laugh,” Stiles told him.

Jackson’s mouth twitched. “I’m not laughing. There’s nothing to laugh at. You almost died.”

“I almost got eaten by evil magic flami—”

Stiles didn’t even finish that ludicrous statement before Jackson lost it. And he really lost it. Two years of dating the guy and Stiles had never seen Jackson laugh so hard, including that time Lydia had gotten lightly electrocuted and ended up with her hair a gigantic staticky orange cloud around her head. He even forsook his nice, high-quality clothes in favor of falling back into the dirt and rolling around in it.

“Oh, ha fucking ha,” Stiles yelled. “It’s not that funny!”

“You’ve got—” It took Jackson three tries to actually make words. “—a feather in your—” He reached out to paw at Stiles’ head. “—hair!”

Stiles swatted the offending feather, obnoxiously pink, out of his hand. “I’m never going to a zoo again. Fuck flamingos! Flamingos are canceled, you hear me? I’m gonna be having nightmares about this for years. You’re paying for my therapy bills.”

Jackson didn’t even protest that, too busy wiping at his streaming eyes and trying to figure out how to breathe again. Eventually, he noticed the intensity of Stiles’ pouting. He rolled himself upright again and kissed him.

“I’m glad you’re not bird food,” he said solemnly. “And I’ll make it up to you.”

Stiles pouted harder. “You better. I expect sexual favors. Many, many sexual favors. And pampering! Massages! Literally all of me is sore, and I’m officially making it your problem.”

“Fine by me.”

Jackson got to his feet first and offered Stiles his hand, levering him off the ground with the kind of ease that always made Stiles a tiny bit horny. He was too tired for it now, though. Also his ankle might have been twisted. Stupid fucking birds. With an aggravated huff, he leaned against Jackson and said, “No one can know about this. Ever. You hear me?”

“Oh, absolutely everybody is gonna hear about this,” Jackson said immediately. “Both because it’s important to study the enemy’s tactics and because it’s fucking hilarious and we could all use a laugh or two.”

“Oh my god, I hate you. I hate you so much.”

“Not as much as you hate flamingos.”

Stiles laughed against his will. “I don’t know, man. The flamingos at least have the excuse of being creatures of pure evil! You’re just a dick.”

“Yeah,” Jackson sighed, completely unrepentant. “But I also suck dick, so it all evens out in the end.”

That much was true, and he proved it as soon as they got back to the jeep. Twice. It was almost good enough to make up for the indignity of how hard the rest of the pack laughed when Jackson told them the tale.

#Stackson #Stiles Stilinski #Jackson Whittemore #Teen Wolf #fics by me #yes i am floridian i'm allowed to make all the florida man jokes i want aldkjfgh

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soundcrusher · 1 year

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Of Plants and Freedom

I did it cuppa! I wrote the second part! Wohoooooo!

(Sould anything be off, please tell me. I'll change it as soon as I can. ^^)

IDW version of Lord Imperious by @cuppajj

Quick Search is my boy

Either way, please enjoy!

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It was another good day on board the ‘Wandering Scholar’. A day which Quick Search spent like every other since Imperious accidentally woke him up.

The first thing on his list was making sure the ship didn’t have any ‘nightly visitors’ who tampered with its machinery. He nearly caught one visitor who tampered with the ships engines, but Quick Search was too slow to capture them. Both physical and on camera! All he had was a blurry picture of something long and green slithering out of his ship. A picture he kept to himself, because he didn’t want to bother his new friend with his troubles.

He was the security system after all, and this wasn’t the first time someone snuck onboard the ship and tampered with the machines. There once was a weird organic who managed to come on board and stow away until the next planet. Granted, Quick Search was the one who kept the existence a secret from the rest of his crew, after finding out that the organic was running from bad people, but still. It was a security breach, and one the small cybertronian patched himself.

But then again, letting Imperious walk around the ship with security level 1 was also, in some way, a breach of security. And then there was the fact that he managed to enter the ship in the first place. Yes, Quick Search was in stasis, and that pretty sure means that he’s nothing more than a control terminal/computer when in that state, but still. The security protocols should have still been activated, unless they got somehow damaged, or someone disabled them. But the only one who’s been messing with the security mechanism was Imperious as he came on board. And Quick Search was too much of a people connoisseur to actually accuse Imperious of partly disabling the security system, that he himself is.

After all, that would mean that Imperious a.) knows his way around machines, and b.) messed his programming up or worse, his processor…

Either way, after finishing step one, Quick Search started with the next thing on his list. ‘Checking the ship overall’, which often included things like cleanliness or sources of danger that have gone unnoticed as of far. But after checking the cameras twice and thrice, Quick Search hasn’t found anything out of place. Except for some dust still clinging to some of the machinery, research and laboratory equipment. But he couldn’t really clean that himself, not with him having to stay on the bridge in case of an emergency.

So, onto step three then, which was remaining on the ship and making a report, before transforming back into a terminal/computer and waiting for the next time someone needed him… But that was boring, and Quick Search had already recharged longer than what was normal for a cybertronian.

With that in mind, the little mech walked over to the communication terminal and sat down on the chair. Making sure his connection cable was still connected to the one from the ship, before spinning around in the chair. It was funnier than just sitting around and doing nothing, but considering how quickly things got boring when no-one was around, Quick Search found himself growing tired after half an hour of just spinning and letting his thoughts travel.

But he wasn’t bored for long, as he heard pedes walk down the halls, and with a quick look at the cameras, Quick Search found himself jumping out of the chair and rushing over to the bridge’s entrance. Or, at least as far to it as the connection cable allowed him to go. Halfway to the door, it grew tight and pulled him back, reminding the small mech that he couldn’t truly leave his place unless he had a good reason. And with disconnecting and leaving not an option, he went back to sitting on his chair. Optics trained to the entrance, as his whole frame started to shake from excitement.

He already called himself lucky when Imperious showed up for the first time. Despite his initial distrust, Quick Search was quick to warm up to his newest visitor. Especially after he came back the next couple of days. Bringing and sharing new stories from outside Quick Search’s little world. Stories, the smaller one soaked up like a wilting flower in desperate need of water. Hanging on Imperious’ captivating words, unless he had a question or his own opinion to give.

After all, despite finding the stories interesting, Quick Search was still someone who would much rather make his own opinion. Especially when he had access to the cybertronian version of the Internet and could read up on things regarding a certain topic. Also, Quick Search’s captain once told him to never blindly trust anyones words, unless they are his. And the small terminal always listened to his captain, even when he wasn’t around.

Mostly because his captain was the one to find and save Quick Search from wherever he came from. Giving him a purpose, a home and companionship the little terminal has never known before. Although, hasn’t Imperious kind of given him the same? His captain never bothered with giving him a name, an actual name, Imperious did. He has given Quick Search a name and didn’t want him to constantly stay in his alt-mode.

Well, Quick Search will think about this later. Maybe when his captain finally answers the messages he’s been sending him ever since Imperious accidentally woke him up, he’ll be able to ask him about that.

“I am still surprised that you haven’t left the bridge, despite being able to do so.” Said Imperious as he entered the bridge. Which caused Quick Search to stop his musing and quickly rush over to the taller mech. Although, the second he got too far away from his place, the cable connecting him to the ship pulled him harshly back. Tripping the small mech up and making him land face first on the floor. He was quick to get back up though.

“Why should I leave it?” Asked Quick Search, before tilting his head at the question. ‘Leaving the Bridge’, what a strange idea. “My duty is in here. Keeping the ship running and making sure no-one gets in, while also taking care of the ship’s and, in extension, my database. So, there’s no need for me to leave.” Said the smaller mech, as he shrugged his shoulders. “And even if there wasn’t any work for me, even if I was allowed to walk outside, why should I?”

“Why shouldn’t you? Aren’t the Autobots alway preaching about how all sentient beings have a right for freedom? Doesn’t that mean that you should also have the freedom to leave this room whenever you want?” Asked Imperious. “Then again, maybe you are right to stay inside. The world outside is surely boring, with all the interesting things to discover and sights to see.” Imperious already had Quick Search’s interest, if the way the smaller mech’s catlike helmet-decorations perked up was any indication. It was always easy to get the little one’s attention. Just one small story about the outside world here, a little bit of praise there and a willingness to listen to his rambles in return. And if Imperious played his cards right, Quick Search was easily convinced to share some more informative stories about his crew and their research.

He was especially interested in the research the small cybertronian was hiding about the different races, planets and cultures his last crew had compiled. But sadly, with the way the security system was built around Quick Search’s database, it would take some time to break through it. Unless he managed to convince him to willingly share the research. Which might take some time, but Imperious was patient. After all, slow and steady wins the race, not rushed and unbalanced.

“Now then, how about I tell you about one of my latest quests, unless you have something to share?” Said the taller mech, as he placed a hand, he had to slightly lean down for that, on Quick Search’s shoulder. Carefully leading the little terminal towards the captain’s chair, before letting go and sitting down on the only chair big enough to fit him. With one leg folded over the other and his hands resting neatly on said knee. Watching Quick Search like a dragon guarding its horde, as the smaller one sat down on the floor cross legged. His own optics trained on Imperious’ face, as he recounted his day so far, before starting to talk about the only hobby he could do outside the bridge.

Helping out with the plant related research. A topic Imperious found rather dull, but gained information is gained information, and it made Quick Search happy. Which was only helping him with gaining his trust. Although, listening to the small one talking about the lab with such excitement sure enough gave him an idea. “Why don’t you show me the plants, Quick Search?”

“Sh-show you the plants?!” Quick Search jumped up while widely waving his arms around. “I can’t show you the plants! It’s a restricted area!” Huffed the smaller mech, as he crossed his arms over his chest and turned around. “Also, captain’s orders are captain’s orders. I can’t leave the bridge.”

“Why not? I don’t see any problem with it.” Countered Imperious as he stood up himself, and walked over to Quick Search. Planting his hands on the small mech’s shoulders, while leaning down far enough to whisper into his audials. Even though there was no need for that. “As you said, your captain allowed you to help out with the plant related research, didn’t he? And who’s taking care of the plants now?”

“N-no… No-one?”

“Exactly? How would we know if they are still thriving, with you stuck here and me not allowed to set foot in the lab?” Imperious had him. He just needed one more push, and Quick Search would play into his hands. Maybe he wouldn’t give away all his cards, but this decision felt like a good one. Perhaps even one that would reveal the rest of his hand. “Oh, but if you don’t care that much about the plants, then maybe I shoul-”

“NO! I care about the plants!” Shrieked Quick Search, as he pushed himself away from Imperious. Frame trembling as his mind was racing. On one hand, his orders were clear, on the other, Imperious made a good point. There wasn’t anyone around to take care of the plants. No-one. And while the camera feed was showing him that everything was okay, Quick Search couldn’t ignore that Imperious had a point. Just because they looked fine didn’t mean that they were. Plants were delicate, especially the ones they had on their ship.

“I… I care about them… I care, but I can’t just leave the bridge… Who will take care of it? What if my captain finally answers my messages? I need to be here when that happens. I… I need…” There was a headache forming, Quick Search could feel it. It was against his captain’s orders, no matter what he did, and that alone was causing his processor to work overtime to figure out what to do next. But without his captain, it was too hard. He needed his captain to tell him what to do. He needed him. Where was his captain? Why couldn’t he be here?

“SCREW IT!” And with one final yell, which surprised Imperious a little bit because he didn’t really expect such a small mech to be this loud, Quick Search pulled one of his keyboards forward. Typing something quickly into it, before it snapped back onto his back. He then turned around to look at the two connection cables and waited for some minutes.

And with a mechanical hiss, the connection cable from the ship detached from Quick Search’s cable. Causing him to let out a relieved sigh, because the small terminal didn’t really expect this to still work. “Alright! The wireless connection has been established!”

“I fear I don’t understand Quick Search.”

“Oh…” The smaller mech looked a little bit dumbly at Imperious, before grinning. “Oh! Yea, you don’t know that. I can disconnect from the bridge, while still maintaining my connection to the ship. But I can’t do it for long without risking losing my connection to the ship.” Quick Search explained, before marching over to the bridge’s entrance. Turning around and waving at Imperious excitedly, “Come on! We have to check on the plants!”, before running outside. Not even waiting for the other one.

And with nothing better to do, Imperious followed Quick Search. Smirking internally, because the little mech, without knowing it, has just revealed one of his trump cards.

A trump card, Imperious could take advantage of.

#part two!#cuppajj #lord imperious delirious #this is cuppajj's version of lid #transformers oc #quick search #fic #boy howdy; I'm not proofreading this. I'm too tired for that. XD #but I skimmed it every now and then when writing. so. it should be fine?

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antisocialbimbo · 9 months

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Nobody has to read this. I just seriously need to get things into a written form. I choose Tumblr because I am here frequently and if I use someplace else I’ll just forget entirely. And I am so tired of forgetting.

🩸— I am so exhausted of living like this. Being genuinely terrified of men to the point if there is a stranger in the house that is male I freeze. I feel disgusting sensations all throughout my body. It doesn’t matter if it’s a parent’s friend or someone coming to repair something. I am terrified. Even with other men in my life I get horrible intrusive thoughts. I am also terrified of being raped every time I go somewhere. The only place I’m not terrified of going to is my room. Public areas, family members houses, friends houses, even just sitting on the couch. I can’t stop thinking about being raped. It’s so painful. I can’t ever do anything. I can’t do anything about this.

The worst part of it all is I just have no idea why. I don’t have any memories of anything that could explain my fears and thoughts and nightmares. I had been questioning being a ramcoa system, but I can even allow myself to believe I’m a DID or C-DID system. I don’t know what’s happening with me. I really don’t. I wish I could navigate it but I don’t even have a therapist and I don’t want anyone to know about this. I’m okay with my girlfriend and my best friend knowing, but I don’t want to put so much stress on them that I’m going to get hurt. I’ve been trying really hard to not isolate, hurt, or end myself but with all of this including some severe BPD, I’m not sure I can do what’s best for me.

I’m also worried that I was formed to hide real trauma, because I am an introject of Yoon Bum from Killing Stalking and I have a lot of psuedomemories. I know they aren’t real but they feel very real and it affects me in the real world too. The real world honestly doesn’t even feel real.

I feel like such an attention seeker and faker for this, but a lot of us have this like gut feeling. That we have killed, that we have perpetrated, what we have cannibalized, hurt, and done so much but I have no means of proving it to anyone, including myself. I have no physical scars, I have no memories, only memories from how angry and violent we were before we even hit puberty. But at the same time, many trauma survivors or just pieces of shit act like this. I feel so guilty and shameful constantly. I want my memories back. I hate myself so much for feeling this way. I hate calling it doubt and denial just because that implies it really did happen. I guess that’s all I have for now, even if thoughts and voices are spinning and blurry. — 🩸

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10dance · 2 years

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Real 10 Dance 2022 Review!

The remote version of Real 10 Dance this year was streamed on 6/25 at 8pm JST and was available for playback for 72 hours. This was my first time attending the event, so you know I had to go back and take so many screenshots >:). Unfortunately most of them came out pretty blurry, but you can find much higher quality pictures from the Real 10 Dance twitter, Odori Biyori twitter, or Nishio Kouichi’s blogposts (first half | second half). (If you’d like to see, I also posted all of my pictures here on Imgur, some of which will be in this post.)

The stream is long gone now, but they sent a behind the scenes video for audience members who added tips to the staff, dancers, or Inoue. Here is the link (password: dancethanks) if you would like to see parts of their performances. I keep reliving the experience by rewatching this...

The first few sections were a lot of talking which I did not understand, but sailorspazz wrote up a very detailed report for that too :), please go read it for an accurate account of the event. As for me, I’ll skip right to the manga discussion and dance sequences under the cut lol.

Our panel of dance (and manga) experts come into frame and introduce themselves (left to right: Takashima Kiyomi, Motoike Jun, Shimoda Ai, Kajiya Takashi). I liked how Motoike-sensei hid his face behind the catalogue from the 2019 exhibition lol. He was my favorite part of the segment since he was sometimes just flipping through the pages while the others talked about something else haha.

The first section was the dancers picking out a dance scene they liked from the manga and discussed the characters’ postures as well as the atmosphere of the dances that were portrayed (ex. the waltz from chapter 4, the God of Dance in chapter 25 etc.). The second section was almost entirely them breaking down all the things that make Suzuki’s face great (and praising Inoue’s art in general lol). Motoike-sensei even went as far as recreating a Suzuki panel on the whiteboard, which I imagine was very hard to do. They had to clarify that he definitely doesn’t draw under the Inouesatoh pen name lol.

(This pictures cracks me up no matter how many times I’ve seen it)

Then comes the main dances! I’ll include 2-3 photos of every number (incl. links to the music) and give short comments for each. (Again, there are way nicer pictures in the links mentioned above but I’m partly writing this for me to recollect my thoughts so bear with me :P)

Masquerade (Khachaturian) - Viennese Waltz (Shimoda Ai, Murano Miri, Seuchi Hideyuki, Masuda Daisuke, Sekine Choma, Takagi Takashi, Motoike Jun, and Nishio Kouichi)

I loved that we got to see a female dance pair!! The way their dresses spun was so pretty, and when the rest of the group joined in, it really felt like a masquerade dance. This piece was very important in the 10 Dance plot, I’m glad that I could see people dancing to it (nothing came up on Youtube when I searched for it lmao).

Butter (BTS) - Cha Cha Cha (Kajiya Takashi and Katsube Kou)

This is probably the first time I listened to Butter in full, and now it’s kind of stuck in my head... The dance was really upbeat, I especially liked the part where they kept spinning, they just kept going..! The pair looked liked they were having a lot of fun lol.

Calmi Cuori Appassionati - Rumba and Samba (Sekine Choma and Takagi Takashi)

This was one of my favorite dances! It told such a dramatic love story and I kept rewatching it (and the BTS version) over and over again. As sailorspazz already mentioned, the shorter dancer (Sekine Choma) got to lead during the dance as well which is a bit uncommon even in same-sex dancing, so that was really cool. I had to add this third hilarious photo in as well, it’s so good that I’ve made a meme using it lmao (more HQ pictures from this dance).

All That Jazz (“Chicago” musical) - Slow Jive (Kamiwaki Yukiko, Saiki Tomoko, Shizumu Ai, Numata Manami, Takashima Kiyomi, and Tsukada Mami)

Ladies’ number B)! I saw the pictures soon after the in-person event was held in April; I quote retweeted it with “Women 👀” and got a like from one of the dancers... That wasn’t relevant, but anyway, I loved watching this dance!

Romeo and Juliet (Nino Rota) - Waltz (Nishio Kouichi and Motoike Jun)

Uh oh, time to bawl my eyes out again... This was obviously going to be my favorite dance of the event; it’s got the drama, the angst, and them wearing tuxedoes just makes the Honor Dance headcanon that much more real, how could I not cry?! Both dancers are similar in body type, so I’m really looking forward to using these pictures as reference for a certain fandom day coming up in a few months 👀...

Up All Night (Charlie Puth) - Rumba (Seuchi Hideyuki and Masuda Daisuke)

This is another song they managed to get stuck in my head lol. It’s such a sweet rumba (compared to the angsty one before) and it really felt like the dance moves and expressions matched the lyrics! The hand hold at the end is adorable too...

It’s Time To Dance (“The Prom” musical)

Allow me to indulge in spamming pictures from this finale, there were simply too many cute moments! I’m pretty sure Nishio-sensei and Motoike-sensei have paired up in past events as well, and they got to strike three different poses in this dance (not including them fixing each other’s collars because AWW THAT’S SO CUTE WTF). All in all, this was a great experience for those who couldn’t attend in-person, I hope they keep doing it every year for us overseas fans as well!

#10dance #10 dance #information #real 10 dance #ballroom dance

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all-alone-he-turns-to-stone · 2 years

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All The Things He Said - Part 8

Series Masterlist

Part 7 / Part 9

Title: All The Things He Said

Chapter summary: From the begining, it was meant to end like that. One of them had to kill the other. Alec was Cordell’s mission, just like Cordell, Sam, was Alec’s. But what if it didn’t have to end that way? What if... It’s impossible for them to kill the other? Manticore would have to get involved and send someone else to finish the job. Someone Alec knows pretty well...

Crossover with: Walker / Supernatural / Dark Angel

Pairing: Sam/Cordell/Duke x Alec Mcdowell / past Sam x Dean (flashbacks/mentions included)

Chapter warning: Angst, lots of truth revealed, trust issues due to lies, fight, wounds, electocution

Word Count: 3784

Square filled: Free Space for @walker-bingo

A/n: So this chapter explains a lot of stuff, and I tried to summarize the show Dark Angel for those who didn’t watch it! Cordell is back to call himself Cordell too, like he’s out of the personnality switch.

This story is also on AO3!

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An acute, piercing sound. That's all he could hear the moment the gun fired.

It was only a reflex, as simple as that. Years of being a skilled hunter, followed by years of being a ranger. The floor met his body hard when he threw himself to it, trying to avoid any more projectile shot in his direction. If his ears were stuck with that shrilling sound, it was because of the bullet flying too close to his ears. It was because death was nagging him in the corner. It was adrenaline coursing through his veins.

Cordell couldn't hear well because of that shrilling, and it was still a bit hard to see, but he managed to lift his head from his spot on the floor. Feet were in his sight, and he recognized Alec's shoes immediately. He was running towards him, and Cordell's body wanted to roll out of the way, but he found himself reacting too late… or maybe it was Alec running too fast? Impossibly faster than he should be able to-

Cordell followed the shoes and looked at them as they became blurry and ran past him. Turning his head, he looked behind him, only to see the window broken into pieces. And now, there were more people in the room.

They were all dressed in black. They had bullet proof vests, protective helmets like the ones police officers wear during riots, gloves, and in those gloved hands, guns. They all entered through the window that was broken, and they were all fighting Alec.

At first, Cordell thought those were his guys. But he quickly realized it was impossible. Larry didn't know his location, it was impossible those guys were backups.

Like he was stuck in slow motion, stuck in time, like he was swimming in heavy water, Cordell could only watch as Alec beated the shit out of the 4 guys that just entered the apartment by the window.

They were on the fifth floor.

"Get up! Hurry!!"

It was when Alec shouted those words that Cordell realized he could hear again. As Alec threw a grown ass adult across the room like it was nothing, he was shouting at Cordell to get up and leave.

"Sam, for the lord of God, fucking move! More are coming, and I'm good but not that good!" Alec shouted again, glancing through the window. A soft breeze was entering the room now, and Cordell finally noticed the path of the bullet Alec shot. The bullet he thought aimed at him.

It was stuck right in the throat of one of the guys, his body leaking a long trail of blood from the wound right next to him on the floor.

Cordell's mind was spinning endlessly now. Who were those guys? Why did Alec protect him?

What the fuck is going on?!

"I'll explain everything, I promise, alright, but now, we have to go!! Now, before she gets here!"

Alec was shouting louder now, green eyes staring at Cordell and then the window, and back to Cordell that was still on the floor. And that was when Cordell noticed he said it outloud.

What the fuck is going on?!

"Fucking hell!" Alec spun on his wheels, looking back at the door. Cordell glanced in the same direction, but saw nothing… until the door broke under his gaze.

"494," a feminine voice uttered. Next to him, Cordell could see Alec tense. In every single way. His whole body was so tightly frozen, he could see the muscle of his jaw shaking. For any normal person, it would mean one thing. Fear. But after what Cordell saw him do, he had doubts Alec could even feel fear. Whoever he was… whatever he was, he was strong as hell.

"It's Alec," Alec groaned in a low voice. The anger and the treats were so loud in that simple sentence, Cordell's body started shaking. This time, it was fear. "Max."

"Whatever," the women entered the apartment, and Cordell straightened on the floor to better see.

She was in her twenties as well, and oh boy was she beautiful. Plump lips, wide brown eyes, perfect silky black hair…

Wait. No, why did Cordell think of her that way?

"Max, don't do this," Alec muttered next, both his hands slowly lifting, like he was surrendering. "Just… Let us go, alright?"

"You had one order, 494," the woman named Max continued as she walked further in the room. Other men dressed in black with guns were following her. "Do not fail. You had one guy to kill, and you ended up falling for him." Her beautiful lips curled downwards, clearly disappointed. Mocking, even.

"You know what's funny," Alec's voice changed then, getting to its normal, arrogant tone. He walked towards Max and they stared at each other, like two lions ready to tear each other apart. "Not too long ago, you were the one fighting for the one you loved. And I was the asshole trying to destroy that."

Max tilted her head to the side. "And you remember how that ended. Right?"

Her soft, beautiful expression turned completely then. And in front of Cordell's eyes, he now had a killer. She was a killer. He knew. Because he was one too. Her gaze was empty. Her face, neutral. And when he glanced at Alec, it was to see the same thing.

"You won't beat me this time," Alec growled. And then, they started fighting.

It was so fast, Cordell couldn't see a single punch getting thrown. But he didn't have time to worry about who would win, because now, the remaining men in black were walking towards him with their guns held high. Right at him.

Cordell's instinct kicked in at the same time as Sam's. And for the first time, he was glad the other him was still there, because he needed everything he knew to survive.

Rolling to the left, Cordell took shelter behind the desk and pushed it with his feet towards two of the men. The laptop fell to the floor as the furniture hit them in the knees, making them fall back on the spot, their guns firing the ceiling.

There was no time to lose, Cordell was already on his feet, fighting the third man. He was strong, he was wearing protective equipment, but that was his weakness, it slowed him down. Cordell caught the gun of the guy as he was still holding it, and turned on himself, successfully breaking his arms. As his enemy was screaming in pain, Cordell grabbed the helmet in the crook of his arm to immobilize the head, force the hand to move up and pressed the barrel on his chin.

Without hesitation, he pulled the trigger.

Now armed, he let the body fall to the floor and pointed at the two other men. Firing the gun twice, he shot them each in the thighs, where there wasn't any protection, to immobilize them on the floor. Then, it was easy. He kicked their helmets off and shot them right between the eyes.

Memories flowed through his mind then. The people he killed. The innocent he slaughtered, when he had no soul, or simply when he had no other choice. Sam's memory was strong, flooding with red, just as the blood was drowning the floor.

Usually, when Cordell was stuck in a loop of strong memories, it took him everything to snap out of it. But then, only two words brought him back to the present.

"Sam!!! Go…!!"

It was choked. In pain. When Cordell glanced at the source, he figured it was only physical pain. Because what he had under his eyes…

Alec's face was covered in cuts and bruises. His nose was bleeding, his lip was split and already the blue under his eyes could be seen on his skin where he got hit repeatedly. He was on the floor, crawling away from the woman walking behind him.

Cordell understood then. It was indeed fear that was making his body shake earlier. Alec was losing the fight, Max completely overpowering the man on the floor.

But it wasn't just his voice begging him to leave. Green eyes were staring up at him, one already injected with blood at how bad the punches were wounding him. But in those eyes, Cordell saw it. Finally, Alec was letting him know his true feelings. Guilt. Fear. Regrets.

His eyes were begging him to leave.

Flashbacks ran through his head then. Those same eyes, looking at him the same way. Years before and yet, crinkles were around those eyes as he was dying in his arms.

Cordell would not let him die. Not again.

The hand holding the gun raised and without hesitation, Cordell pulled the trigger. The bullet met the spot he aimed at, but there was no one there anymore, and only a hole in the wall remained.

"It's all because of him, right?"

Too slow, once again. The voice was behind him, she was behind him, and without having the time to react, the gun was gone from his hand and his arm was twisted painfully behind his back, forcing him to his knees.

"You were a good soldier, 494. Because of him, you disobeyed. Just like I did back then for Logan. Only one way to put you back on the right track."

A pressure on his throat, his head bent dangerously to the right. One millimeter away from getting his neck snapped. The woman behind him was strong. So fucking strong. Cordell was trapped.

"I'm gonna kill him in front of your eyes so you learn your lesson. Then, we're going back to Manticore. And you're going back to the PSY-OPS."

At that mention, Cordell could see pure fear drowning Alec's gaze. It was so strong, it was nothing compared to the fear of dying that was flying inside of Cordell. Whatever Max meant by that, it scared Alec. So bad. His fear reflected in his eyes right back at Cordell.

"Don't… Let him go!!" Alec shouted as he crawled towards Cordell. He was in pain. In so much pain from the fight.

But what really hurt Cordell was his eyes.

What am I supposed to do!

Sammy!!

Take me instead!!

"Sam!!!"

But then the memories were not only in his head anymore. The man was crying his name in the real world. His real name. With the same voice.

One glance towards the floor and he saw it. The water was reflecting it, and thank to one of the guy that shoot the water fountain, the floor was now soaked. Cordell was kneeling in it, and since she was behind him, Max had her feet right in the middle of it.

One of the corpses had something in his belt that wasn't quite a gun, but it was something he could use against the woman.

Cordell's head was now spinning.

He would miss if he tried to shoot her, or she would break his neck before he even had the opportunity to try. But with that, then, Alec might still have a shot to make it.

The weapon was close enough, so Cordell did it slowly. Being fast would attract attention, after all, and she was faster than him anyway. "Hey, Alec," Cordell muttered. Interested in what he had to say, Max's grip loosened around his neck to let him talk.

At the same time, Cordell grabbed the object.

"It's Cordell."

If he wanted to get her, it meant he would be electrocuted as well, but he knew about the risks. While Max was focused on what he had to say, Cordell pressed the teaser in the puddle of water. The electricity coursed through his body immediately, and by the sound of it, it got her too.

It hurt. Like a bitch. And for a second, Cordell was sure he was dead, as he saw bright light filling his sight way too quickly. And a voice, a voice he missed so much, calling his name.

After that, it was dark. For a long moment.

It was his hearing that came back first.

The groaning of a machine.

Then, the touch burst back to life through his whole body.

The wind on his face.

The body behind him, holding him firmly.

The cold metal under him.

The sensation of moving.

As a deep breath filtered through his lungs, Cordell opened his eyes. His body had the reflexe to fight against whatever was holding him so strong, and for an instant, the world seemed to spin.

"Easy easy," a voice made then. And the moment he recognized the voice, Cordell was awake.

"Stop!!" He yelled, now fighting hard against the body. "Stop the fucking bike!"

Cordell could fight all he wanted, he could never get out from the grip. Part of it was the weakness in his body due to the electric shock. But even without that, the person behind him was too strong.

Yet, the bike slowed down until a stop, and the body loosened up its grip. The moment he could, Cordell got as far away as possible from the person. But his body, still too weak, didn't support that movement and he fell on his knees.

"Sam-"

Hands pressed lightly on his shoulders, but he pushed them away violently. "It's Cordell!" He shouted, getting back on his feet by himself.

"Alright, Cordell," Alec sofly muttered. When Cordell glanced at him, he noticed the cuts and the bruises on his face first. And he hated his first instinct that screamed at him to touch his skin and make it feel better. "We can't stay here, okay? We have to go, far, and-"

"Why?"

The question seemed to take Alec off guard. It was the second time he asked this, the first being when Alec was pointing a gun at Cordell’s head. When Cordell was sure he was about to die, when he was almost okay with Alec killing him.

“Why?” He asked again. “What do you want? Who were they?” He asked then. So many questions spilled from his lips, unanswered mysteries he needed to know. He needed… Alec owed him the truth. Cordell’s head was such a mess, and the shock he received wasn’t helping him at all. “Why don’t you start with who the fuck you are?”

Neither of them noticed at first. Truth was, it started slow, and their gazes were so locked in the others, nothing else could have disturbed them. The rain started, soft drops falling on their heads. But quickly, it was now pouring cold, endless water on their faces. Their clothes got wet. And the water washed away the blood on his face.

“My name is Alec Mcdowell. But I wasn’t born with a name. They called me X5-494.”

Cordell blinked. His mouth opened and then closed, he didn’t expect the man in front of him to give him an answer. With the rain, it was getting harder and harder to decipher his expression. It was getting harder to see, and he had to keep blinking to be able to keep a clear view of him.

“I was created by the covert government program, Manticore, as an identical twin of X5-493 and trained to be an assassin and a soldier.”

It was impossible to see his face now, that was how bad it was raining. But without seeing his face, Cordell knew. He knew what Alec said… His story, it hurt him. Brought back memories for another life that he didn’t want to remember, even less tell them to someone. He knew the feeling all too well.

So Cordell didn’t interrupt him, even if the more Alec talked, the more he had questions.

“13 years ago, 10 kids escaped. They were all X5s, the latest ones they created. 493 was with them, as well as Max. And 2 years ago, after they captured her again, I escaped with her.” Alec took a break in his words, and more questions flowed inside of Cordell’s mind, but once again, he held his tongue and listened.

“Manticore's biggest plan was to create a genetically modified superior soldier. They created the X5 series and the transhumans, mission-specific transgenic soldiers that don't look entirely human. It didn’t work well at first, not until… Not until the X5. They took DNA from someone and implanted it in an embryo with other DNAs, like cats and sharks, to create a new set of DNA. The embryo was then placed in the uterus of a surrogate mother. Once the baby was born, they paid the mothers and let them leave.”

That explained a lot already. The pregnant women, and how virgins were suddenly carrying a child.

“I’m 493’s twin, Ben. Ben was created with a DNA they found in their headquarters 21 years ago… Two FBI agents were getting too close to the truth, and they had to hide the real operations that were going on in there. When they left, one of them got shot and left a trail of blood in his path. They weren't real FBI agents."

Cordell remembered, he read that in Dean's journal. It never specified where or what was the hunt, but there was a date, a wound, and a side note saying to never go there again.

“Dean…”

It was the only thing Cordell allowed himself to say.

Alec nodded.

“Ben was created with Dean’s DNA… And I was created at the same time, though they put me in the twins unit. That’s why I look so much like him, I am one of his clones.”

“Ben… What happened to him?” Cordell couldn’t help but ask. Questions were now piling up inside of him, ready to explode. He had to ask, had to know…

“He escaped with Max in 2009… And she killed him.”

The news shouldn’t be such a shock for Cordell, but yet, he found himself wanting to know more. Wanting to know everything about him, Alec, Ben, Max, Manticore, understand…

Alec’s tone got sadder then.

“He turned crazy, can’t blame him,” Alec laughed sarcastically, lifting both hands in the sky like he was talking to any God that could still be there. “Became a serial killer. After that, they sent me to PSY-OPS again to be sure it wasn’t in the genes.”

PSY-OPS… Max mentioned that earlier, as a threat…

“We thought Manticore burnt down when we escaped again, but it wasn’t the case. They… They found us in Seattle. They… Killed everyone they didn’t need. And brought back Max and I, straight to PSY-OPS. Brainwashed us…”

This time, even the rain couldn’t hide Alec’s true emotion. As he was talking about what had to be the worst moment of his life, his face broke into pieces. Rain could be seen running down his cheeks, but Cordell knew the tears that also came with it. His fists were tight, his body shaking, but not because of the cold.

“What happened then,” Cordell asked. Took a step closer. Alec’s gaze drifted off to the left and stared at the void.

“They did it. They… Killed Max… And 452, the soldier they always wanted her to be, took her place. They sent her to Terminal City to find the remaining transgenics hidden there.”

His voice shook. Broke at the last word. Cordell took another step.

“I was there, I was still there, somewhere in my broken mind, I saw her… Killed… She killed… Everyone, no exceptions betweens us and humans… Original Cindy, Logan… And then, she… She killed… Joshua… And I… It didn’t break it, the brainwashing they did,” his brows were furrowed, his face broken with anger and grief. “But it cracked. Enough for me to see and understand. But I said nothing, I didn’t want to… go back. I would rather die than…”

Cordell's heart broke with Alec’s. Yes, part of it because Alec’s voice was the same as Dean’s, but now, it was more than just because of that. It was his story, his past, how he must have felt all these years, like a freak, a monster… Controlled and used all his life.

“I was given your mission then. Some kind of ranger from Texas would be sent here, in Gillette, to investigate Manticore. They did a few calls, and tada, you were in charge of this mission. I guess they had a whole record on you and your family. They knew who you really were, they knew Dean, and they gave me everything so I could become him. Learn your trust. And then…”

“Kill me.”

Alec’s eyes finally met Cordell’s.

“I couldn’t,” he said, shaking his head. His hair was completely drenched, stuck to his forehead. “I just… The moment I saw you, I… I don’t know why, maybe it’s the genes, maybe it’s faith… But you broke it. The crack, it expanded and it broke, and I was out of the brainwash. So yeah, I lied. I was supposed to kill you. But even if I had to kill you to survive, I wouldn’t be able to. I don’t care if I’m your brother’s clone. If… You clearly had more than a bro relationship with him. You saved me, Cordell, and… And now, because I fucked up, they won’t stop. They’ll hunt us and kill you and bring me back to Manticore, and-”

“Alec,” Cordell whispered. It was soft, barely audible, but yet, he heard. It didn’t stop his rambling, though.

“I’m so sorry… So… Sorry, Cordell… I… Fucked up, so bad… I lied to you… I ruined everything… Again, and… I know you hate me now, but I can deal with hate, I just can’t deal with something happening to you…”

“Alec,” Cordell was now right in front of Alec. Both hands placed on his cheeks, his skin way too smooth, way too soft. His perfect, pale skin, soaked by the rain. “Let’s run away together. Let’s leave the fuck out of here and put as much distance as we can between us and them.”

Alec shook his head between Cordell’s hands. “We can’t run from them, they’ll find us… They’ll hunt us, Max will…”

“She should have read that file about me,” Cordell said then, the shadow of a smile stretching his lips. “She’s not the one hunting us. I’ll be the one hunting her, and all of Manticore. I have many jokers up my sleeve. And a journal filled with numbers I can call for backup.”

Usually, Cordell would have never fled from a fight. But Sam, Sam was more careful. It was a fight he couldn't win alone. They needed help, but first, they had to put as much distance as they could between Manticore and them.

Tag lists

All The Things He Said: @colereads @writethelifeyouwant @agenthellcat @mvdeanw

Forever taglist: @nitnat6245 @b3autyfuldisast3r @eevvvaa @fictional-affairs @wickedinspirations @awkward-and-indecisive

Supernatural Tag List: @cryptichobbit @sexyvixen7 @stixnstripesworld @charred-angelwings @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @lyarr24 @fiftyshadesgrl

#all the things he said #walker bingo #dark angel #alec mcdowell #dark angel crossover #walker #cordell walker #cordell x alec #cordell walker x alec mcdowell #supernatural #supernatural series #supernatural crossover #supernatural / walker / dark angel crossover

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1nfine77 · 5 months

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Shifting Diary - 1 (11/12/23)

Thought I'd start one of these. Not starting off at the absolute best point in time, I must admit, but... Here we go.

(Below the cut so it's not hell to scroll through.)

Put on a shifting subliminal last night (2am this morning) and just... Fell asleep to it. Didn't try any methods or anything. Just focused on passing out.

Then, since I was slightly stressed this morning, I ended up actively attempting to shift again for... Maybe a few hours? I was in and out of sleep and those hours included maybe three attempts? Two and a half?

I can't say I was particularly focused. I was partly trying to shift to my usual DR and partly just trying to shift to a version of my CR that's not as... Hectic, I suppose?

I was laying there counting and affirming and staring at the backs of my eyelids. Nothing special. Theoretically you could say 'oh Julia method' or 'oh Raven method' or whatever in terms of general structure, but it has been a long while since I've simply done a method I found online. It's been 'random bullshit go' for months at this point.

I switched between three subliminals as I went from one attempt to the next, sort of going off vibes, mostly to block out the noise in my CR. However, I did notice that when listening to them, I would fall into this... Slightly dizzy state for a little while. I had my eyes shut and it felt like the world around me was gently spinning.

Could've been my awful sleep schedule catching up with me, to be fair. Did not sleep for long enough.

There were also points where my awareness of various parts of my body would change. Obviously, limbs going numb, which is what typically happens when you haven't moved in a while. There was a point where I was awfully aware of specifically my fingertips, specifically of my left hand, against the mattress, so much so to where it was difficult to think of anything else, while the rest of my hand was almost completely numb. Not had that one happen before, I do admit.

There were a few points where I lost focus on my body entirely but I have no idea how aware I was at those points. I think I might be remembering instances right before falling briefly asleep - which is a testament to my tiredness because I only fall asleep on my back when completely sleep deprived.

I've also been trying to focus more on the backs of my eyelids when I do actively attempt to shift. I don't get much in the way of impressions or images - especially today, since I could see the light from outside dimming and brightening because it was fucking morning lmao - but I do get ever so slightly brighter patches against whatever the brightness of the general backdrop is, quite blurry and indistinct but still clear enough to be able to intuitively link what I'm seeing to a specific concept without thinking about it. They fade in and out quite a bit.

There was a point where it felt like I was seeing the light from behind a door - as in, the door was open a crack and I could see the light through that crack. I unfortunately got a bit too eager and tried to mentally reach out, completely reflexively, to open the door wider, which made the entire thing fade. Need to focus on just observing rather than trying to interact whenever anything even mildly interesting happens.

My main takeaway is mostly to let myself watch rather than act. As much as the impressions are... Impressions - not necessarily linked to shifting - I do feel like entertaining whatever my mind happens to bring up once I'm in a relaxed state can't do me any harm.

And breathing exercises are fucking great. 4-3-5 and 7-6-8 both completely calm me down after a little while. From there, it is finding something to keep my focus on that doesn't drag me back into my CR, which is affirmations or visualising (sight and sound only, thanks) or daydreaming, or some combination thereof. Obviously since I was semi-panicking today wasn't a particularly engaged experience lmao, but hopefully that all gets sorted by tonight and I can either take a rest day or have an attempt unencumbered by whatever the fuck is happening in my CR.

#spending probably years of my life just daydreaming at this point makes the whole 'oh just observe don't interact thing' heinously difficult #also makes visualisation difficult - when i am 'listening' to someone move around the space i'm in #i end up 'watching' them in 3rd person. because i'm so used to omniscient 3rd person when daydreaming #really hard to have someone sit downstairs in a visualisation reading. i keep imagining what book they're reading and all that #when i would have no way of knowing lmao #completely drags me out of it #also doomed to forever want to go first person as the person who's the most active in the scenario #rather than keeping to my dr self lmao #on a similar note - trying to include touch? mate - whenever i try to feel a physical sensation in my lil scenario #i get yoinked back into my cr body lmao #it's sight and sound and that's honestly all i can do for ya. sense of smell's always been awful #taste functions similarly to physical sensation - 'welcome back to your cr you clown'#and touch. already mentioned and explained #i think i try too hard with the sense of touch tbh. that's the issue #i have Rambled in these notes woops. most of this is entirely unrelated to the post lmao #shifting realities #shiftblr #reality shifting #reality shifter #[𝓇𝒶𝓂𝒷𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 - 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝒻𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓇𝓎]

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youngveinsworld · 10 months

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young veins at bonnaroo 2010

(tag for everything i've posted about bonnaroo including pictures here)

The first show of their summer tour that the Young Veins played was Bonnaroo Festival in Manchester, Tennessee on Friday June 11th, 2010.

According to this schedule that's been archived from the Bonnaroo website, the Young Veins played from 1:20pm-2:10pm on one of the side stages. Jon mentions in the MYX B-Sides interview that their set clashed with Conan O'Brien's and joked about a rivalry that they had with him.

Ryan's account of Bonnaroo

A music blog called The Alternate Side asked Ryan to write a blog post about the band's experience playing Bonnaroo 2010. This is what he said:

This is Ryan from The Young Veins and I'm here to document our time at Bonnaroo. It was the first time any of us in the band had ever been, and though we had to wake up when we're usually going to bed to get there, morale was high. Not ten steps into the festival grounds we were already sinking fast into the mud. But we took this as no omen as to how the rest of our day was going to go. After digging our boots out, we headed towards our stage. On the way, I was thinking I knew what it must feel like in hell: playing Bonnaroo at midday in a three-piece suit. Our show that afternoon may have been the first time I've ever played a show in a short sleeve shirt, and you could probably tell by how pale my arms were. We played a small tent, but the crowd watching us was nothing less than fantastic. More people showed up than we would have thought and despite it being early in the day, they had more energy than probably any other crowd we've played for. The album had just come out two days prior, but some people were still singing along. My favorite part of the show may have been watching people sing what they thought the lyrics were, but probably hadn't read the liner notes yet. They were making up some really great stuff like, "I need to fake my own death soon" or something, instead of, 'I need to take a vacation". After our set, we went back to the artist lounge and spotted the ping pong table where Andy and Jon held court for most of the evening (see below). The rest of the night got a bit blurry, a mixture of no sleep, too much sun and too much drink started to set in and we were all but asleep by 9:30pm. We drove back to our hotel and slept like babies - babies who couldn't have had a better first Bonnaroo.

Jeremiah Weed's Backyard Interview

youtube

The band recorded this interview for SPIN magazine at the festival. Jeremiah Weed was a brand that sold bourbon and other alcohol that partnered with SPIN at Bonnaroo to promote their drinks while providing an interview space for the bands. According to SPIN's website:

To get a break from the Tennessee heat, Bonnaroo bands gathered in Jeremiah Weed’s Backyard, a down-home hangout featuring lawn games, BBQ, and cocktails made with Jeremiah Weed’s vodkas and bourbons. - (x)

This promotional video for the event gives some idea of what it was like. Jon appears at 0:48, and the whole band appears at 1:03.

Some quotes from the SPIN interview

Probably my favourite show we’ve done so far, there was a lot of people… Our album just came out four days ago, so it was nice to see people already singing along. – Ryan

Most of these festivals that we have done, you’re like, 45 feet away from the crowd. There’s a big disconnect that can happen when that sort of situation is there, but today it was a lot of fun. They were just as far as we are from you. – Ryan

Setlist

Setlist songs and order thanks to this post by Katie Ruark (who also took all the amazing pictures from this show). Videos of the performances are also linked below (for the songs I could find).

Young Veins (Die Tonight) video 1, video 2, video 3, acoustic performance

The Other Girl video

Is It True? video 1, video 2

Take a Vacation! video 1, video 2

Security video

Maybe I Will, Maybe I Won't video 1, video 2, video 3

Change video 1, video 2, video 3

When You Walk in the Room

^ Photos of Ryan, Jon, Nick Murray and Andy at Bonnaroo from Katie Ruark's tumblr. Nick White is not pictured because he apparently disappeared right after the set.

^ A picture of the band at Bonnaroo posted to the Young Veins' Facebook page by Jon. From this and Ryan's blog account of the show, it looks like he was planning on wearing a shirt and tie, but changed his mind as it was such a hot day - according to Katie Ruark the humidity was 96%.

#bonnaroo #summer2010 #the young veins #young veins #tyv #ryan ross #jon walker

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