#also why are you mad some people aren’t into that particular brand of fucked up dynamic

[clementine-kesh]

that post that’s like “tumblr users will call anything they don’t like puritanism/purity culture” always makes me laugh because it’s so true but it also reminds me of when people on here were getting anons saying the only reason they don’t like j7 and see it as unhealthily maternal is because of purity culture like girl WHAT. imo if you like a ship with a fucked up dynamic you should be leaning into it instead of pretending it doesn’t exist at all

[theglowyscorpio]

all set | eren x reader

a/n: this is a story in the making, currently available at AO3 and Wattpad. If you like it, please don't hesitate to give me some kudos, leave a comment or maybe follow me on my social media! <3 Any feedback is highly appreciated since I'm just getting started!

pairing: eren yeager x female reader

tags: mature content, alternate universe (modern setting), college/university, recreational drug use, implied sexual content, M/F, F/F, the author is not religious lmao

word count: 4.3k

current chapters: 2/?

playlist: this one was made with a particular playlist in mind. they are really great songs that help to convey this chapter, so I hope you have a time to check them out! :)

a. slomosa - kevin b. upsahl - drugs c. rosenfeld - like u d. kaiba - overdose e. lil kapow - tinman f. bodega - how did this happen!?

***

all set

I lost count of how many parties I went to this week. There was one at Shina, another at... Sasha's. Wait, was it? Or Ymir's? Honestly, both their houses look fairly similar and we always see the same faces over and over again, regardless of where we are getting wasted. Definitely two at my house. The timeline is blurry at this point. If my liver could talk, it would spit out "Screw you, Eren." and I wouldn't be able to disagree.

Classes will start next week so everyone is acting like we're going to stop doing all this for the rest of the semester. That never happens.

I barely enter Reiner's house and the music is already piercing my head. My ears will soon tell me to go screw myself too. The bass was loud. But it was good.

— Hey, finally — Reiner says, giving a hard slap in my back. I can't even get mad at him because he probably didn't mean for it to hurt. Fucking strong bastard.

— Sorry. Lost track of time.

— You know where the things are — he leaves me behind and disappears through the noisy music.

It's hot inside. August has been particularly cruel this year. I'm using a black t-shirt, which is luckily pretty thin, and my black Adidas pants that are somewhat breathable. My hair is in a bun. I will probably be sweating soon, though. Reiner's AC won't do miracles with this amount of people since it is specially packed today. I guess I might see some new faces tonight, huh.

This fact already makes things more interesting.

I walk through the room and then arrive in the kitchen. Connie and Sasha are there.

— Eren!! — I barely open my mouth to talk and Sasha is already giving me whatever weird drink they made. Their drinks sometimes are... unusual, for the lack of a better word. Most of the time they are simply pure shit. They call it scout's fuel, always the same name regardless of what's inside. Maybe that's why my liver hates me so much.

— Thanks — I'm already used to the goddamn gasoline taste — I guess you both want to get us wasted tonight.

— It's our personal mission, so enjoy the fuel — Connie says laughing, raising his plastic cup. I love this duo – who doesn't? – and I can't help but laugh with them, even though it tastes so bad — Everyone is already here, come on — I follow them and find all the familiar faces I've seen all week: Bertholdt, Historia, Ymir, Mikasa, Annie, Armin, Jean, everyone.

The girls look hot, even though I'm used to them. Either way, I avoid hooking up with my friends since the last time didn't work so well. It's better to avoid Mikasa today.

We all sit together while drinking. I light a joint I had already prepared at home and say — Am I crazy or is Reiner's party bigger than usual? —, releasing the smoke a few seconds after. This one is the best grass we could get around our area, I've saved it primarily for today and now I see that might have been a great decision on my part. I'm glancing through the room and looking for some girls, might share this shit with one - or a few - of them later.

— Thank god, I was tired of seeing your ugly faces every fucking time — Jean says. The girls look at him and he rushes to add — I mean, the boys, of course. It's always nice looking at all of you, ladies.

It's not enough to avoid Annie's kick anyway — We can say the same of you, horse face.

Reiner arrives at the perfect time and explains — Since the new semester starts Monday, news about today traveled fast and we got a lot more company than usual.

— Do you know all of them, Reiner? — Historia asks — I've talked to a bunch of them tonight and there are people from all over the campus and from all years as well — Historia always looks pretty, her blonde hair shining even in the low light of the party. Guys make a line to talk to her at all parties so there's no surprise that she's already familiarized with the whole scenario. I wonder what Ymir thinks of it. Probably followed her during this little field trip.

— Hell, no — he grabs the joint of my hand and sucks deeply — I know some of them and some are Bertholdt's friends but there are some random people.

— I bet Reiner knows a lot of the girls — I take my joint back from his fingers — I assume they aren't Bertholdt's friends, though — and grin.

— Hey, I don't see you with any new company either, dude — Bertholdt tries to grab my weed as well, but I avoid his advances. He instead grabs my cup and drinks all of it, leaving me empty. He makes a funny face at the taste. Suit yourself, man, I think to myself, laughing on the inside.

— Yeah, but I'll work on it in a sec — I tease him knowing that he can't handle much of Sasha and Connie's fuel. He always knocks out before everyone. I hope he realizes he needs to stay awake to try anything with Annie. Someday. He simply never gets there.

Hange arrives almost falling over Ymir and spilling her drink on the floor in the process — I think we should all make a toast and make this last party a wild ride!!! — her yelling stabbing us louder than the music.

— Bitch, you are this fucking drunk already? — Ymir says to her, holding Hange's weight on her back — What the hell did the gasoline duo do to you?

— Okay okay, enough with the questions, let me fill your cups because this is the night! — Sasha says, just pouring all that mystery liquid that soon will go straight to our heads — Also, Reiner, where's the food?

We raise our plastic cups and Connie yells — To the new semester! — and we drink, feeling the immediate burn on our throats. It's hard being a scout.

— I need to get laid today — Jean says as he lays his back on the couch — Gonna arrive for the classes pretty motivated next week — he then rests his left arm at the back pillow, behind Mikasa's head.

— You should start roaming, then — her cold delivery puts Jean's subtle attempt at flirting six feet under the ground, as usual. It was pretty damn quick, but I could notice Mikasa glancing at me and then looking the other way. Yeah, I think I need to start roaming soon, too.

— That sounds great, then let's do that!!! — Hange grabs Jean by the arm and they disappear amongst the crowd.

— When all this fun ends, I'll be the one who will probably have to take him home after he gets slapped by some girls — Armin and Jean live with me so we normally go back together. Armin is the responsible one between us, which is not exactly hard considering how Jean and I are — Gonna at least drink some beer before that happens.

— I'll go with you, this drink sucks — Annie says, finishing the drink anyway and following him. We always drink the last drop of it, we never learn.

The girls went dancing, the music was exceptionally good today. A lot of bands I already liked plus some I have never heard before. I need to remember to ask Reiner for this playlist later. Connie was already surrounded by a different group, everyone likes to talk to him. He is popular. The rest dispersed as well and I could hear Hange's screams far away. This is going to be a night for her, indeed.

I start walking around, meeting a lot of people from my classes and others from the campus in general. I talk to all of them and drink a lot in the process, which feeds my need for nicotine every time. I grab my pack of cigarettes and while smoking, I see Levi.

— I must be dreaming — I say, letting the smoke leave my lips with a smile. It reaches him and looks at me with a deadly expression. He is smoking as well, but he only admits one specific brand of cigarettes and hates all the others. Levi usually doesn't show up at these "brat" parties, as he likes to say, since he's a few years older than us. I normally see him at Shina's, which is a popular club slash bar near our university. He's the owner so we all met him there, after going so many times. Shina has the best parties and the best drinks of all the clubs near us. And it couldn't be any other way, since Levi is a perfectionist. There's also a small stage there, where indie bands perform from time to time. My band does some gigs there sometimes.

— Hey — he replies, as cold as ever. He's Mikasa's cousin, so they have the same expressions and hard-to-approach vibe — Already high, I see.

— Always. In fact, today I hope to be higher than usual. What miracle brings you here?

— Some people from the staff decided to come here today so there are fewer brats to piss me off — he drinks what's probably a high priced whiskey and continues — and there's a new girl at the club so we have been showing her the area for a few weeks now.

— There's a lot of new girls here today — although I know Levi doesn't give a crap.

— So? — yeah, he doesn't.

Levi is a pretty successful business owner and even I have to admit that he's hot – is not only common knowledge but a mutual agreement between everyone –, so girls are always trying to get him, but he doesn't screw most of them. He doesn't fuck brats, period. He says he doesn't have the patience. That makes the girls even more desperate. He has the highest standards of every guy I know. When he was still in university – the same we all go –, he screwed not only the hottest girls but also the professors - which went after him and not the other way around. At least that's what I've heard. I think Levi never had to actively look for any girl, to be honest.

I can only laugh at his reply. That's just so him.

— If you want more stuff than what's already in your system, Floch is over there.

— I want, actually. I was going to look for him — I see Floch's red hair among some folks. Floch is usually as busy as Connie but with less than half of the charisma.

He finishes his cigarette, blowing its last white smoke into the air, and we both hear a loud HELL YEAH!! coming from all the other way across the room — Tsk, is that Hange?

— Pfft, it was before, I think it's Sasha now — he doesn't laugh at my reply. He never does. I think hell would freeze while heaven catches on fire.

I think about the music again. It's so good today, what the hell — Hey Levi, don't you think this playlist is too high quality for a Reiner party? I don't get it, his music taste is always pure trash.

— That's from our new girl — he drinks the last drops of his whiskey and starts to leave — You might find her around here — he then suddenly stops and looks at me — Don't get your hopes up, though.

I am not able to ask what he meant by that because he leaves too quickly. Time to look for Floch.

— Hey, Flo-

— Here.

— You didn't even let me finish.

— I know what you want. You are not in the mood for cocaine so you want MD instead, blah-blah-blah-blah. Is that kind of night — he pauses for mere seconds — Am I wrong, Eren?

— Nope, right as usual — Floch is the main person you go to when you need drugs. I mean, good drugs. He looks like your standard rich boy – which he is, by the way – that can do no wrong, but you can get the best stuff from him. I've always found this funny. The weed I have today was his work. He knows my taste well.

Reiner's frat house is huge, so there's plenty of room to walk. I'm approached by a bunch of girls on the way but for some reason, none of them piques my interest. I am pretty set on going after something new today and I have no problem getting laid. It happened every single day this week and it truly happens anytime I want. Which, okay, boosts my ego a little bit. Maybe a lot. I might even have hurt some girls in the process. I was never slapped though, unlike Jean. So that's a win in my book.

I see a few of my friends again, mainly Historia and Reiner, and they are talking to a girl I've never seen before.

She has long black hair and short messy bangs, the kind that goes a little above the eyebrows. I didn't know black hair was my thing until now. Her face has the perfect features, at least for me. She's wearing a sleeveless white top that is so tight that hugs her figure perfectly and makes her breasts look amazing. That type of top that shows the girl's side boob, and I'm a total sucker for those. It is also short so you can see a bit of her waist. And I don't even have to see her ass because I already know it is probably too damn good. Her light blue ripped jeans are cool as well and she has black sneakers. I like her style. She has a bunch of tattoos - a lot on her right arm, one on her left hand, and probably some that I couldn't see because they were behind her clothes. I intended to, though.

Fuck, she's hot.

Historia looks mesmerized talking to her, which is a very privileged view from where I stand because, as I've already said before, she is also beautiful. But she isn't exactly hot. This girl is. Way too much. Oh, and Reiner is there too. Whatever.

I can see a lot of guys want to approach her but none of them do. I went for it. Wasn't this night supposed to be wild?

— Hey, Eren! Guess what, Y/N is the new DJ at Shina! I was telling her how we go there all the time.

— Hi, Eren, nice to meet you — she says, with that kind of smile that people who know they are hot make. I do that too.

— Hey, Y/N — I say. And as I told you seconds before, I'm good with that type of smile as well so that's what she gets — Levi told me he came with the staff and a new girl, so I suppose that's you.

— Yeah, I'll start there next week.

— I talked to him about the party's playlist because I knew it couldn't be Reiner's.

— Yeah, it's Y/N's. She prepared it for the party when I invited the guys from Shina yesterday. We were in the same high school. — Reiner says that looking at me with a face that shows "See that, dickhead? I've known her for some years now".

— It's pretty good! I can't wait for the next party at Shina's to see your set! — Historia was always an angel.

REINER, WHERE'S THE REST OF THE ICE, MAN??, someone screamed far away.

— Shit. Catch up with you later, Y/N.

Too bad, huh, Reiner? He gives me a look that I can't quite figure out what it is, but I know for sure it wasn't a look of support. In the fucking slightest.

— I think Ymir is calling me as well, sorry!! — It was painfully obvious that Ymir wanted to make out with Historia for some time now. They never did. I think only Historia hasn't realized yet that Ymir is thirsty for her for god knows how long.

After Historia left, there was only me and her — So, by any chance, do you go to the same university as us? You look our age but Levi said you are new here — I tried asking this without looking at her body, but looking at her face was even worse. Her eyes were piercing me in the best way possible.

— I'm not exactly new, I'm from the same uni as you guys, but I took a gap year — she takes a sip of her drink — You probably never met me but I'm in the same year as you all are now.

Since Reiner knew her from high school, he also knew she was at the same university all along and never told any of the guys. Smart fucker.

— So that makes you a year older than me — I smirk at her.

— I guess it does — she smirks back as she lights up a cigarette and blows the smoke at me.

Ok, looking good so far.

I'm pretty high at this point, the MD and the music are making me horny, so I don't even bother to pretend that I'm not looking at her body. I'm looking at everything.

— You took something, didn't you?

— Do you want some? I can show you later where to get the best stuff. Anything you are in the mood for.

— I'm all set — she shows me her tongue and I see the acid. The view makes my own tongue feel lonely, maybe I should use it to steal that from her mouth. I hope she's horny as well.

We talk a lot about music since it's something that we both enjoy. She's passionate about it, I can tell. She asks about my band with true interest. Doesn't sound like small talk. She touches her hair and it makes me want to stuff my face in it. She has the smile that makes you want more. Her voice has the same effect.

The loud music allows us to talk near each other's ears. I hope she moans as loud as her playlist. The girls usually love my hair for some reason, either if it's in a messy bun as it is right now or if it's loose. They all love my green eyes too. She can see all that with somewhat detail since we are so close, even though it is a little dark here. If I take you to a room you can see me better, I almost blurb it out. I can see her too and that kills me.

She looks receptive to me but normally at this point I would be already hooking up with the girl. This time it isn't happening. I never have to work so much. I think I understand why the other guys didn't approach her before. She's a little intimidating to talk to, and that comes naturally to her – it doesn't seem to be on purpose. I flirt with her the way I normally do but she is hard to get, she hits every ball I throw. I remember what Levi said before. Oh, right.

But I'm vibing way too much at this point, I think if I touch any part of her I'll get hard immediately.

— This gap year you've mentioned... Did you go anywhere specific?

— I know it will sound cliché, but I went to Europe.

— Where in Europe?

— Everywhere — she says — I went down — the corner of her lips forming a smile  — And up. Everywhere. — and I can swear she sounds flirtatious as hell. I want to bite her lip.

— That sounds... Awesome. — I think she wants to bite me too, or at least I hope she does — Was there any particular reason to leave? If that's not too much to ask.

— Hm, I was kinda... — she stops to think for a few seconds as she holds her hair up and makes a ponytail, looking at the ground, the cigarette glued to her now closed lips. Her neck became exposed, it looks soft as hell and I can't wait to bruise it. She releases the smoke, that flows into the room, and looks deep into my eyes, as deep as I want to be inside her right now — ...stressed.

I reach my limit at this point.

— I can help you with the stress if you want.

— Really? — she's looking at me with the same teasing look and I'm doing the same, so we both know that's not a question I have to answer. Her tongue quickly passes through her top lip, her mouth forming a little wet smile — I don't think I need any help though.

I threw the ball and she hit a home run. My team was out.

I was not expecting that.

We hear some of the guys from Shina calling for her — Oh, they are calling me — Y/N looks at me again and says — See you around, Eren — giving me the same fucking grin I wanted to bite before.

She walks away and I see that her ass is, as I suspected from the very beginning, too damn good.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

After this, some time has passed. I look at the clock. Yeah, maybe a lot. I couldn't tell before because I'm drunk and drugged. I see most of my friends, all fucking wasted. Armin is holding up pretty well, Bertholdt's is knocked down for God knows how long, Mikasa probably smoked way too much weed (who am I to judge?) and looks dead on the couch. I don't see Ymir, Historia nor Reiner - there are too many people in this house to keep count. Sasha's eating something in the kitchen, I can't see what it is, but certainly, she got hungrier than normal after smoking some pot Connie gave her. Connie always holds his drinks well, he's still talking to a lot of people. I pass in front of one of the bathrooms and Hange is there, getting everything out of her system. Oh, and Ymir. There she is, holding Hange's hair, looking as pissed as ever. Levi probably went home hours ago. Jean is making out with some chick, he's going to score tonight. To be fair, he always does, but never with Mikasa.

I saw a lot of pretty girls today and I went for none of them. They tried and I shut them down, even the ones I normally fuck. There's someone I want to taste tonight and she's nowhere to be found. The guys from Shina are missing too, so I know I won't see her today anymore. Damn.

I'm not pissed at her but I'm pissed at the situation.

— Armin, I think I'm going to take off, are you coming?

— Yeah, I'm already pretty tired — he gets up — Jean's probably going to stay here.

— Yep. Probably. — Am I pissed that Jean's getting laid? Even though I could have as well? With someone else, at least? My mood feels off.

— I'm going with you too, I've lost count of how many assholes I had to shut down today. I think I even punched a few — I don't have to look to know that's Annie speaking — You were right, Eren, is it especially crowded today. In the shittiest way possible.

— Then let's go.

— Wait, I need to get my bag first, I left it in Reiner's room.

— I can get that for you, wait up.

— It's a black one. Small.

I sign a thumbs up for her and climb the stairs. I am hundred percent sure I'm going to see someone fucking there but that's the usual. I'm pretty sure I've already seen some people screwing in the corner of the living room minutes before. No one cares.

I open the door and see Y/N in her underwear, putting her white top back on. She does indeed have other tattoos.

— Hey there! — she says smiling, as she also puts her jeans back up, making little jumps so they pass through her ass. Her hair is not in a ponytail anymore.

I say hi in a confusing way.

— I came here to get my friend's bag — I look around for milliseconds like I don't know where the hell I am until I see Reiner lying - clearly naked - under his sheets. Can't be anyone else, with that bleached hair and huge biceps.

What? Ahn?

Hey... Wait a second.

Historia? Clearly naked as well? What. The. Hell. I guess she's not exactly the angel I thought she was?

They are sort of awake, sort of sleeping, kinda like on a different planet. You know, the type of thing that happens after a really strong fuck? That sort. They look exhausted. They look destroyed. And not in a bad way. AT ALL.

— Oh, I saw a bag before. Here you go — she gives me Annie's bag. She's all dressed now. She notices my confusion, I'm too high to act any other way — I've told you I don't need any help — her eyes piercing mine for the hundredth time tonight. Her smile hurts now. Ouch.

She grabs her sneakers and walks towards me and the door:

— I'm all set.

She leaves the room as I hold Annie's bag.

Yeah. I was not expecting that.

***

Thanks for reading (if there's even anyone here lmao). Chapter 2 will be uploaded later but it can be read now at AO3 or Wattpad.

[purplesurveys]

1264

Who are you subscribed to on YouTube?  Oh man, I’m probably subscribed to over a hundred, if not 200. I’ve subscribed to channels relevant to interests I’ve had over the years, and since it’s not my habit to do spring cleaning on my feeds, the subscriptions have just keep piling up even if I no longer keep up with literally like 98% of them.

Do you like to go to the farmer's market?  I don’t think I’ve ever been in one yet. They aren’t very common here and the ones we do have are pricey and mostly inaccessible to the everyday consumer, I’m sure.

What will (or was) the color of your wedding dress be?  I wouldn’t want any other color than white.

What's your favorite melon?  I don’t like fruits.

What was the name of the last pet of yours that died?  Arlee. Technically my family mostly considered her as just Nina’s pet, but the sting was felt all the same when we learned she died.

When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with?  Yesterday, because it was Friday. Pretty self-explanatory, I wanted to get to the weekend so I can finally let go of work for a couple of days.

Name one person you've never had a fight with:  Andi. I think we’re both afraid of pissing the other off, which works out for us lol.

What are you currently listening to?  I can just hear the really loud whirring of my electric fan because it’s a grossly humid day today.

What would you rather have: cat or dog?  Dogs.

Who is your least favorite person in real life?  I have a lot of uncles I just don’t like.

Do you ever watch anybody's live stream of... anything, really?  Technically, yeah. I will sometimes tune in to livestreams of lofi music on YouTube, but I do it to listen, not to watch. 

Does your house have security cameras?  No.

If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be?  I think I might dye it for a certain period of time, but I also think I would eventually reach the point where I’ll just accept it and slowly let go of the dye.

What was the last establishment you stopped going to due to bad service? What happened?  I haven’t run into much bad service, but I’ll never forget how long my order and bill took for Mad Mark’s. I never really vowed per se to never go back there again and I definitely didn’t confront the staff, but I haven’t eaten there since that incident.

What soundtrack do you listen to the most?  Not a big soundtrack listener.

Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult?  Nah, they’re kept from us until now. The biggest one I’ve heard about was having a kleptomaniac in the family but we were never told who it is.

Do you have an opinion most people you meet seem to disagree with you?  Yeah, my dislike for fruits.

What’s something you like to have many options to choose from?  Clothes, I guess, like bucket hats. I don’t shop a lot and clothes aren’t a priority in my budget, so when I do pick out clothes, it has to be exactly what I want so that I don’t feel it was a waste of money.

What’s the strangest decorative object you own?  We have several quirky, disconnected decor in the living room from gifts we’ve acquired over the years. One object I can tell you about is the polar bear glass figurine we have on the coffee table.

What’s a thing you couldn’t imagine doing with your life right now?  Dating around.

What’s been your proudest moment?  Managing to stay alive this year and turn my life around for the better when I thought there was no hope.

What’s the filthiest non-pornographic movie you’ve seen?  Eyes Wide Shut, probably.

Do you know anyone who doesn't seem to be fond of animals?  I don’t think so. Like any animal...? I would find that quite odd, honestly. And I wouldn’t want to be friends with them if we weren’t already close .

Are you planning any outings or trips anytime soon? Whereabouts?  No, nothing set in stone. I do want to fly out to South Korea soon, though.

Do you know anyone who has a phobia of a certain animal?  I know a few people who are afraid of dogs.

Is there a particular brand of technology/electronics that you prefer?  Yeah, Apple.

Is there a singer whose voice gives you goosebumps/chills?  Hayley Williams and Jin, especially when he’s belting; and I don’t listen to her much, but I find that Billie Eilish has a unique voice that sounds really nice.

And is there a singer whose voice you simply can't stand?  Selena Gomez for some of her songs, Meghan Trainor for most of her songs.

Are there any authors that are particularly dominant on your bookshelf?  No.

Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today?  Sure.

Which item in your fridge are you most looking forward to consuming? My aunt sent over this gigantic-ass slab of salmon that I can’t wait to eat as sashimi. I already had a few pieces last night and it was hea ven ly.

Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately?  Hmm, I don’t think so. I know my coworker Dev got into a relationship a few weeks ago but it fizzled out as soon as it started because the guy was shitty.

If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it?  Only on the emotional side; I rarely get physical symptoms. I usually feel down or emotionally heavy a few days before my period.

Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to?  No, I don’t have any tattoos. Can you remember the last time you had a sudden change of mind?  Hmm, like last night. I wanted to stay up to maximize the weekend, buuuut I decided against it and slept instead since I had been up since 2 in the morning.

When was the last time you did something on a whim?  Two weeks ago when I impulsively dropped a thousand bucks to have cheese tarts delivered to Angela and Reena, hahaha.

Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you?  My mom, grandma, and one of my aunts were the main people who raised me. Dad works overseas, so he was never at home much.

Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week?  No, I wouldn’t do that.

Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’  Mik tried to pair me with one of his friends just days before I finally implied on social media that I was no longer in a relationship. It was a cool ego boost but I declined, since my emotions were still super turbulent then. Andi tried to initiate sex with me once too, but I also declined.

What is your card game of choice?  I hate card games; I can never seem to understand them lmao, though that’s really more of a me problem than anything else.

What is your favourite books series?  Growing up, I really loved the Septimus Heap series. But the thing about it was that I got into it while the series was still ongoing; and with how bad my attention span is, I always forgot the events/plot whenever the newest book came out. 

So whenever that happened I had to read the entire series from Book 1; eventually the number of books I had to reread/revisit became too many (it was a seven-part series) and I simply just lost the time to read and I never got to know about the conclusion.

Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions?  Street names – more precise. Landmarks to me can be pretty subjective – a green building might look blue to me, and I could just end up being lost.

Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books?  Sure.

What was your favourite gym class moment?  If I genuinely like or already play the sport that was being taught. That’s why PE table tennis was a lot of fun for me.

Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun?  I’ve never been on one but I imagine they are fun, yeah.

Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks?  That’s not a tradition here.

Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie?  No. I was too young for Scooby-Doo in a sense that I do remember watching the movies as a 3/4 year old as they were kept on in the background at home, but I didn’t get any of the plots/didn’t really appreciate the films.

Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down?  Sometimes, yeah. If the fall looked nasty I would obviously be concerned.

Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past?  Honestly, only one of my grandparents would be the type to do this but he’s been dead for six years now. It’s a big shame he passed before I could bond with him the way I had always wanted to. My three other grandparents are either too closed off or too quiet to share stories from their youth.

Do you have a crush on someone? Nah, nothing more than a celebrity crush.

If so... what does his/her name begin with? 

What attracts you to them? 

Do they know that you like them? 

If they don't know, why didn't you tell them? 

Name two people that you miss:  Angela and Laurice.

Have you ever seen Titanic?  More times than I can count. I’m sure I memorize like 80% of the script, too.

Have you ever swam with dolphins?  No. I’m not so sure if I’ve seen dolphins, either. Maybe I have? Or maybe I’m confusing it with whales...idrk.

When was the last time you had a stomachache?  Wednesday.

What's going to bed early for you?  11 PM or midnight.

Do you want to have a big family in the future?  I used to, but I don’t think that’s the future I want anymore. One or two kids should be okay.

What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush?  Technically speaking, an orgasm, I guess?? Lmao idk

Favorite Nicholas Cage movie?  I don’t think I have one.

Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have?  Yeah, I’m fully dosed. Sinovac.

If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects?  I was suuuuuuper tired right after my first dose and I wanted to be knocked the fuck out, but I went right back to work after the shot because I am allergic to filing leaves hahaha. Second dose went smoothly.

What's the next item of clothing that you intend to buy for yourself?  A bucket hat or maybe one of the Fila x BTS shirts because the collection is actually quite cute!

What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful?  I join Facebook groups to be entertained, not because I actively look for advice.

Do you like your butt? Why or why not?  Yeah. It...has a good form hahahahahaha.

Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia?  Yes, a few years ago I went to a food park with my ex-girlfriend. I was already not feeling my best that day to begin with, so having to see an old woman stare daggers at us for what felt like years really stung. I felt small under her look and almost cried, but in the end I felt angry that I momentarily felt shame about my relationship. I decided to just piss the woman off on purpose and do PDA right in front of her.

Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I have two dogs at present and I know they make me extremely happy.

Who was the last person you went on a date with?  Gabie.

Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid?  No. The first and only time I was hospitalized (other than being birthed), I was about 12, I think.

What’s your favorite way to curl your hair?  I don’t do that. I rarely style my hair.

At what age did you start swearing?  I was 11.

What is something you physically can’t do?  Ride a bike.

What do like better, apples or oranges?  I don’t like any fruits; but in terms of flavored stuff, I like orange-flavored food, especially chewy candy, slightly more.

Around the holidays, do you hope for snow?  Well, no.

What are your top two favorite bands?  Paramore and Against Me!

How many people do you 100% trust?  There are a handful. I generally trust easily just because I like to believe all people are kind and loyal – but I can also take it away in the snap of a finger.

Do you care what others think about you?  Not so much.

Has anyone ever called you a bitch?  Sure.

Did you watch Teletubbies when you were younger?  Yeah but just super super faint memories. It wasn’t one of my main shows.

Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license?  I don’t.

Could you live the rest of your life without eating meat?  I doubt it. I could try, but I think I’d get cranky and start looking for meat way earlier than I would like to admit.

Have you ever had a rolling backpack?  Yup, if you mean a stroller. I think I’ve answered this on a previous survey.

Did you make any money today?  No, because it’s a weekend. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from?  Nothing dramatically high. I’ve had acrophobia-themed nightmares in the past, so even though I don’t actually have a fear of heights, the idea of jumping from a high place still makes me antsy.

Have you ever gone swimming in a river?  Not that I can recall.

What was the last souvenir someone got you?  I dunno if it counts but Andi bought merch from the AEW shop but made sure to also get a CM Punk sticker set for me :(

Do you have a favorite remix of a song?  Remixes have never been my thing. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument?  Piano.

Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies?  Yeah they can definitely affect the level of appreciation I hold towards a film. For instance, if I genuinely enjoyed a movie only to find out it has average to bad reviews, it invites me to think more critically about the movie.

Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar/etc.)?  No.

If you had $500,000, what would you do with it?  Give half to my parents and let them do whatever they wish it. With the remaining P12,500,000, I’d probably get myself my own condo and have it fully furnished, then get braces, then get a new phone and laptop. I’ll have a bunch of money still left, I’m pretty sure – the rest of it I’ll save.

Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid?  No. I mean, I have honestly no clue what’s going on in her life now, but I know she doesn’t want kids so this is very unlikely.

"First loves are never really over." Is this true for you?  It’s true in a sense that she left me a lot of trauma and self-esteem issues that will irrevocably always be a part of me now even though I’ve worked hard to resolved most of them by myself.

Did you like Michael Jackson before he died?  Yes, because he has always been my favorite singer’s role model.

What are some things that would make you break up with someone?  I don’t know how to answer this question, honestly. All the red flags were thrown and tossed and slapped into my face and down my throat for six years yet I never left. I don’t actually know what my limits are, and I believe it’s because my coping mechanism has to just accept things and suck them up no matter how bad they get. That’s what I’m trying to change for myself now.

What was the worst breakup you've ever had?  I’ve had two breakups with the same person, and the second one was worse.

[amisbro]

If UtaPri had/gets a 5th season...

What would it look like? So this is a question I have thought about for a while because of the fact that I think a lot of people (Myself included) believe there is more of a story to tell in the world of UtaPri.  I think with enough time we could get a very interesting idea for a season and honestly I think WHATEVER this project we got coming up actually IS could be an interesting testing ground for something. Let me explain

So if we think about how Season 4 ended it seemed rather definitive.  Like the way that message was wrote made you believe ,to a degree, that the series had ended as far as an Anime project.  Then we got the end card AFTER that and that kind of made things turn on its head cos no one knew what that was supposed to be until 6th stage happened right? One thing that always stands out to me is the fact that Season 4 was a bit of a mess and I say that in the most objective and neutral way possible because...when you have an Anime that is based on a Manga we typically get a story based around that in some fashion.  It might not be panel for panel and word for word but we get one and that is always fun to see how certain scenes get animated for sure.  When you do an Anime based on an Otome game you almost always do whomever is considered the “true route” or just leave it open ended so people will want to play the games (which is what I think DiaLovers did when it had its run). UtaPri has a very interesting situation because the series DOES have an idol component (and the Anime made sure to really focus on that mostly) but it is also an Otome game so the studio (A-1 Pictures) had that to work off of for the most part.  The problem is that when they were done with the material they DID USE it created a problem because Season 4 was a mess if I am being as objective as possible about it. So here was the problem You had 3 groups in play here STARISH QUARTET NIGHT HEAVENS Forget whom your group was for a second...this was going to be a problem because 2 of the 3 groups had content that was used in the first 3 seasons but Season 4 was going to be a problem.  How this would have been remedied I have no fucking idea!  Like if Broccoli knew they were going to do this season they needed to get something out BEFORE IT so people would have had something to go off of for HEAVENS so we could have had 7 episodes that made sense instead of episodes where it felt like they didn’t know how to have the HEAVENS member that was being featured in it not look like a complete ass!  If we are honest this is what happened and its frustrating to remember One of the biggest issues with the season was that you had a group that HAD been Antags during Season 2.  I said HAD because I genuinely believe that the marching orders for A-1 was to write a season where STARISH was still THE focus but HEAVENS could be rehabbed into a group that was more “likable/marketable” so when the time came to sell CDs and merch that they would fly off the shelves and could be a contender to at least QN if not both them and STARISH.  As we saw during the Oricon charts it was a puzzling time because the duet CDs sold like garbage in the sense that only TWO our the 7 actually charted in the top 10 Ren/Van - Lovely Eyes Syo/Yamato - Justice Impulse This was the most puzzling thing I ever dealt with because I tried to figure out WHY and to this day the best thing I could come up with is the fact that the CD releases were slated to come 10 days after the episode aired which seemed like the dumbest thing to do (IMHO) because when I looked at Season 3 all of the releases charted in the top 10 and a big reason for that was the gap between CD/Episode was only 4 days...well we got to QN and HEAVENS’ CDs they did VERY WELL in Season 4 and its because of how close they released them (I think) to the episodes...funny how that works! What was really weird also was during the “Duet Project” episodes the writers didn’t know WHO to make the focus of the episodes and that was weird BUT ,looking back on it, this whole season was gonna be weird because of how quickly the season was coming in the turnaround vs. its normal time for a season.  Typically a UtaPri season gets a 2 year window and this time they were going under that...about a year and 4 months so this was going to cause a crunch and also a mess of a message as to what the writers wanted to do!  I personally believe that the writers wanted to make HEAVENS all the more sympathetic and they were able to get SOME of the backstories in that they could for certain characters but a few others (Nagi and Eiichi for example) “kind of” tried to show you the “why they were acting the way they were” but it felt (at least Internationally) that the episodes didn’t register or if they did not as well as they hoped.  I do wonder if a big reason that the content is as out of sorts in terms of balance for HEAVENS vs. the other two groups is because of how jacked up that season got.  I genuinely wish I could sit down and discuss that season with someone that was in the room when they were given the orders on how that season was supposed to go vs. what actually happened after the fact! So this brings me back to the “What would a 5th Season look like if we got/get one in the future?” The weird thing is I think A-1 already knows but they have to get the reference materials FIRST before they start writing it.  I genuinely think they saw/heard about what happened Internationally when it came to the “NEXT DOOR” saga and they didn’t want to see that happen again so NOW they want to work on these projects to get the idea other there right now that all the groups are separated as first we have STARISH and then no doubt QN but the big question of course is HEAVENS...can they do a concert with them at some point with hopefully more songs under their belt OR will Broccoli start to really consider them a lost cause and that the fandom just doesn’t want them.  You can only go with the “Round peg/Square Hole” philosophy so much before people get mad and don’t want to deal with the series (or at the very least HEAVENS) anymore. The other big issue is HEAVENS’ role in Dolce Vita because, As of this writing, we still don’t know ANYTHING about that game...like we don’t know if its a straight up VN or is there going to be something similar to the original La Corda back in the day which ,fun fact time, had Kishou and Mamo in it.  Like if anyone would know how a game like that worked it would be them (And they ARE in the new game “Starlight Orchestra” btw) so they HAVE to have had given some input about how the mechanics worked and all that...right?! (Oh and unrelated but Kishou’s original character in Len Tsukimori is a special character in that game.  He was unlocked through a campaign we had in that fandom a bit ago) So again...what would Season 5 look like? Well my guess is that it would have to be a STARISH/HEAVENS season again but with new duets unlike last time.  The other possibility (And I think they were teasing this at the end of Season 4) is that it would somehow be a HEAVENS/QN season which could be interesting especially if they did something like how Season 2 was probably supposed to go...and in a way didn’t because of how the story worked. The thing is its been almost 5 years since we had a proper season...FIVE! Let’s assume that the “Anime Project” as we know it is over alright?  STARISH and QN’s brand is already established so what do you use to help HEAVENS’ get on the same level?  That’s a big reason why I don’t think they could/should end the “Anime Proper” because to do that you literally would be cutting off a way to properly market a group that actually needs it vs. the groups that clearly don’t.  I won’t go so far as to say that the STARISH/QN Animated concerts are going to be “Vanity Projects” because they aren’t.  They are clearly something that Broccoli believed in as far as a project to do for the series BUT I will say that having 7th Stage so close to this project is a bit...weird?! Like okay to be fair this probably was planned well in advance and the Pandemic fucked everything up because it was supposed to be announced at 7th stage in 2020...okay cool fine but let’s say it was right?  What stopped them from revealing it at 10th Anniversary when it would have been a bigger “Holy Shit” moment?  What was really so important that they had to do EVERYTHING ELSE and not that?  Just seemed weird to me. But anyways HOLY SHIT did we go around the block here...I need to stop If you were going to script out a proper 5th season when would you do it and how?  The thing to remember is we have a 3 group scenario and now HEAVENS is trying to become an even better group to finally beat STARISH and QN so do you have QN and HEAVENS do a thing together or do you do a 3 cour season where each is dedicated to a particular group? Love to hear your answers on this and take care

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #427

“don’t pray for me when you’re the one enslaved”

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? I wouldn't say anything, I'm pretty sure I'd just break down. Do you play video games? Not really anymore. :/ I probably would, though, if I had the appropriate consoles for games I want. You can only replay PS2 games but so many times before you're tired of them. Do you spend a lot of time with family? No, honestly. Is your house more than two stories tall? It only has one floor. Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I'm not in a relationship, but I have most certainly never hit an s/o, and they've never hit me. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) I'm not. What color is your hairbrush/comb? White. What snacks do you have available in your household atm? Hm. Just some fruity grain and oats bars, as well as cashew ones. We try to keep sweets out of the house. Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? No. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Holy fuck yes, she's drop-dead gorgeous. Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? Ha, I'm sure. Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? Some random middle-aged man, like who are you sir. Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My dad. He can be so rude to people sometimes. When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? Not sure. It's been quite a while. Do you play any games on Facebook? No. What would you like to get a degree in? It'd be nice to get a degree in Arts, but yeah... I'm never going back to school. Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Pretty much every night. Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? Play a video game. Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Almost without fail. You've got to, it's part of the experience. What genre of films do you like the best? Horror. How many bank accounts do you have? None, actually. Have you ever had the flu? No, thankfully. What is your goal for the next few months? To start getting in shape/losing weight. I seriously hope this gym routine works out. Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? I have seveeeere sleep apnea. It's shocking, I never would've guessed it, though, so the diagnosis (I had a sleep study, so yes, it's legit) was an extreme surprise. I don't snore at all, nor do I like pass out in the middle of something, but I stop breathing A LOT. For a year or two (no, that is not an exaggeration), it caused consistent, horrible, and violent nightmares/terrors. It made sleep frightening to me, and I was never getting a truly restful sleep. Now, I have an APAP mask (like a less extreme version of a CPAP mask) that helps me greatly. I only very rarely am surprised by a more subtle nightmare now. Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. No, thankfully. What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? Quality tattoos, for one. And maybe uhhh... idk. We're the kind of family that buys off-brand foods and drinks all the time because it's cheaper, so I can't say that. Maybe health care? Like I wouldn't want service from a sketchy dentist or something. Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. Charming and romantic. Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? No. You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? That's hard for me to say. She doesn't seem to like talking about her past very much, because I know it's turbulent with her mother. I would say her being disowned, but I don't know how that *actually* affected her. Maybe it was for the better she wasn't under her mom's authority anymore. Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I guess my mom, but she's actually smaller than me now. She's lost a lot of weight and is still going at it. Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Not a house, but rather hay rides and those places you just walk through and experience different stuff. They don't scare me at all; I love 'em. Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? No. Which is worse: dusting or mopping? Ugh, mopping. I don't mind dusting. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? No. Did you pull a senior prank? No. That shit is so dumb. Did you graduate? High school, yes. Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? No, and I never would. What was the last song you listened to? I'm listening to Lauren Babic and Halocene's cover of "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park right now. It's great. Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell no. Is fashion one of your interests? No. Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? Hell if I know. Do you care what people think? Way, way more than I should. Is acting something you enjoy? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I feel so stupid. What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I tore a ligament badly in my foot maybe a year and a half ago. I was SO sure it was broken. My mom had to help me walk everywhere, and even when she did, I'd be whimpering and seething. Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? No. Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at? If we're excluding all family, I suppose Sara's? Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? Probably at some point as a kid. Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? I played a lot. The only two I really didn't like were soccer and cheerleading. Did you ever watch the show Full House? Hell yeah, I loved it as a kid. Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? Ha ha y'all know I joke about it, but no, not legitimately. It's not like I know him personally at all, and I'm not chasing him to California either. Just let me dream still lmao. Have you ever burned someone’s picture? No, but I've actually heard it's truly therapeutic and not just for dramatic effect, so I wouldn't be opposed to doing so if you handed me a picture of him and a lighter. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? I've never hiked before. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? Uh, no. Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Jason. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? My dad smokes like a chimney and is 100% going to end up with cancer because of it. You should hear his cough. Mom smoked for a very, very brief period before I was born. What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? "Equal in our bones" is on my favorite shirt. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Certain inverts people are wild enough to get, like giant African centipedes in particular. Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Can't say I care. do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? Ha, no. We all have natural first impressions and things like that that just... happen. What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? Nothing, really... besides just childhood memories that inevitably came. My hometown was dangerous. What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during? I'm not sure. What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? I want to say Old Yeller, but I'm not sure. What’s your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden and The Cheesecake Factory. Is there a dessert you don’t like? Yeah; I don't like pie, strawberry shortcake, and I know there're others. Favorite album? Ozzy's Black Rain. It was my introduction to metal, so there's nostalgic value there, but I also just LOVE every single song. What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? None. I don't read books for that reason. Underwater or outer space? Both kinda frighten me to a degree, but I find outer space to be way cooler. So many colorrrrrrs. Dogs or cats? Cats. Kittens or puppies? Ugh, both are so cute, but I gotta hand it to kittens. Bird watching or whale watching? Whale watching would blow me away. Whales are such magnificent, awe-inspiring animals. What is your spirit animal? Probably a deer. Skittish, shy, and quiet. What was your best subject in school? English. What was your worst subject in school? Math. What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? You and Jason aren't going to last, hunty. Who is your fashion icon? I don't have one. I wear what I want/what's comfortable. Diamonds or pearls? I think diamonds are a lot prettier. What color dress did you wear to prom? First one was maroon, last one was black. What’s your favorite plot-twist? Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. My jaw actually dropped. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes. Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Said things I shouldn't. Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Yes. Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? Two weeks ago or something like that. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? OH MY GOD NO alskdfa;wekrwer; Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Who are you closest to? My mom. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. Are you currently sad about anything? A number of things. Have you had any form of exercise today? No, but tomorrow is day #2 at the gym! Can you handle blood? Yeah, np. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No sir=ee. Are you currently searching for a job? Not anymore, at least not actively. I was going to after TMS, but I'm just... still not ready. Right now, I'm focusing on the gym and getting healthy again, but if the seemingly perfect job comes along, I'm not opposed to taking it up. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No, I've got to have breakfast or else THEN I feel awful.

[stovetuna]

Imagine Steve/Avengers walking in to Tony entertaining two soldiers in the common room and being really confused because Tony??? Despises the military??? But then find out that those two soldiers are actually from the “fun-vee” way back in IM 1 and Tony’s fitting them with prosthetics.

ahhh this has been stuck in my head for DAYS anon! I don’t necessarily agree with the assessment that Tony hates the military, per se (doing business with the military and the military industrial complex, however, and all that that toxic shit entails, definitely yes), BUT it’s such a heartbreaking/warming concept I had to run with it! I think I got it right with Air Force vs Army, but the movie was kinda vague—I’m going off of the fact that the driver said “I’m an airman,” which you would not say if you were in the Army.

and since the airmen (and woman) Tony was traveling with in the Fun-Vee are canonically deceased, I thought I’d have Tony do something…well, Extremely Tony™ to compensate…

(::whispers:: also we’re just gonna pretend that the Bucky-killed-Tony’s-parents-revelations of Cap 2/3 aren’t a thing in this vaguely alternate MCU universe. la-di-da, la-di-da…)

***

It’s not surprising to walk into the Avengers common area and see Tony Stark working on something no one can quite comprehend. That’s par for the course, really, as commonplace as days that end in Y. Machines, phones, tablets, watches, the toaster after Hulk pressed the cancel button a little too hard—they’ve seen Tony futzing with just about everything that exists in the Tower (and some things that don’t—couldn’t—exist anywhere else except where Tony is). 

What the team isn’t expecting when the elevator doors open onto the communal floor that sunny Tuesday afternoon is a living room scattered with men and women in various states of modest undress, all of whom immediately pivot in place to take stock of the new arrivals. Three men, one woman, and in the middle of their protective circle is Tony, eyes blazing with the same thrill of invention he often gets in the lab, a pair of needle-nose pliers clenched in his teeth.

Steve in particular notices the way Tony looks, because he’s developed a bad habit of doing that over the past year and change, and he’s kind of helpless at this point. Tony’s backlit by the afternoon sun, preoccupied with whatever he’s doing with the strange woman’s arm to distraction, and Steve can’t be judged too harshly—anyone with eyes would drag theirs over the exposed muscles of Tony’s arms, the shift and flex of his shoulders, the firm taper of his waist, the pronounced curve of his a—

“Are we, uh, interrupting something?” Clint has to shout to be heard above the music blasting from all corners of the room. 

Tony looks up from his work and waves his free hand, the one that isn’t wrist-deep in what looks remarkably like a prosthetic arm. He makes a ‘cut it off’ motion to his neck before taking the pliers out of his mouth while FRIDAY lowers the rock music to a dull background hum. 

“Hey! Sorry, I tried to keep it to the lab, but these guys wanted to see where the Avengers hang out, and I couldn’t say no.” 

Steve tears his eyes away from Tony (who should really work the sweaty-and-disheveled-mechanic look more often) to take in the others in the room with him. It’s a panorama of people, and the first thing Steve notices, besides their more obvious differences, is how comfortable they all are with each other, to the point that walking in on this moment feels invasive, almost rude. 

The four are all of remarkably different builds and backgrounds, not a similarity between them: an African American man, no taller than Steve was before the serum, sits on the couch; a white man, thin as a rake and twice as tall, is reaching for a glass of water on the coffee table; an Asian American man, whose shoulders are somehow even broader than Steve’s, stands rigidly next to Tony, arms folded across his chest; and the lone woman, whose glossy black hair is wound tightly in a bun at the back of her head. Steve notes the beautifully elaborate Native American tattoo covering the expanse of her shoulders and upper back. 

Then Steve notices the high-and-tights, the form-fitting, drab beige shirts they’re all wearing, the combat boots lined up behind the loveseat, and he realizes, much like he did with Sam that morning in DC, oh—these are my people.

“Ah, well, welcome to the octagon!” Clint says with an easy smile, stepping forward to shake hands and say hello like a normal human being. Natasha gives Steve one of her looks before she and Sam follow him into the living room—I don’t know any more than you do.

Bruce, Wanda, and Vision stay behind with Steve to let the first wave through. Steve watches his teammates greet the airmen without fanfare, welcoming strangers into their private midst like it’s routine. 

“Didn’t know y’all would be around, else we would’ve stayed outta sight.” 

Sam laughs, clapping the sitting man on the shoulder. “Dude, if Tony told us you were here, I would have come downstairs and bugged you, myself.” 

“Sure, PJ—you just wanted to see what real Air Force muscle looks like,” the man grins, flexing his barrel chest hard enough to strain his shirt. Sam guffaws and gives him a friendly punch to the shoulder, which the man returns in kind with a fist to the kidney. 

Clint is already deep in conversation with the redheaded beanpole, who talks so fast it’s dizzying; Natasha is standing next to the third man, keeping her eyes forward, and together they watch Tony disappear back into his work, muttering things back and forth to each other, so quiet even Steve can’t hear. 

“I think all is clear,” Vision says smoothly, drifting forward with Wanda, who is visibly fascinated by the woman’s tattoo until she steps into the throng and sees something that makes her face fall. 

Steve moves forward, curious and worried in equal measure. Bruce is hot on his heels. 

“—I mean it’s crazy right? It’s crazy, Tony Stark, Tony Stark calls us up out of the blue one day and says ‘You’ll be waiting six months to a year for a decent repair job, let alone a complete replacement, and I owe you guys, come on by Avengers Tower—”

Redhead is gabbing excitedly, gesticulating like Tony does when he’s in the mad depths of an invention binge. Steve sees the glint of metal and hears the whir of mechanisms working smoothly together in tandem and realizes both of the man’s hands are prosthetic. 

“Oh man! Oh, man! Captain, sir, wow, it’s—fuck, shit, my mama would kill me for swearing in front of you, fucking—shit, sorry, fuck—ah, damn it!”

Steve smiles and introduces himself—Corporal Bill Levee, apparently, is just as talkative up close. For all that his hand is made of metal, his grip feels remarkably, tangibly real. 

While Bill goes back to talking compound bows with Hawkeye, Steve looks at the man on the couch. Sam and Vision are now sitting on either side of him: both of his legs end at mid-thigh, and in their place are what look like brand-new metal limbs, designed to match his proportions exactly. The metal is dark, shiny, beautiful. He looks thrilled. He looks even more excited when Steve approaches, leaps to his feet and doesn’t even balk at the fact that Steve is a head and change taller than him and a superhero—he just steps right up to Steve and jabs him once in the shoulder with a grin. 

“Captain Rogers,” he says, and sticks out his hand. Steve shakes it. The man points a thumb at himself: “Captain Freddy Harrison. A little after your time, sir, but an honor to meet you regardless.”

Bill is still talking a mile a minute behind him; Freddy sits back down on the couch and lets Steve continue his “Captain America Meet-and-Greet” but makes him promise to come back and swap stories, which Steve does, happily, even as his mind whirls. How does Tony know these people? Why are they here? Where did these prosthetics come from? 

Bruce has joined Natasha, standing apart from the rest to talk to her and her new friend. Steve stops to say hello, as is only right, waiting until he’s entered the man’s line of sight to do so. Only then does he realize that the man has no line of sight, because both of his eyes are prosthetic. 

“I’m not completely blind, Captain,” he says, voice low but good-humored. Next to him, Natasha smothers a smile behind her hand. 

“Steve, this is Sergeant Daniel Kwon,” Bruce offers. The sergeant smirks and extends a hand—the eyes in his sockets look incredibly lifelike, but don’t move even a fraction of a millimeter. They gleam, still, with an uncanny sense of knowing. Steve has a sneaking suspicion they see more than enough and match his original eyes perfectly. 

“I’ll still make an exception in your case, Sergeant Kwon,” Steve replies, shaking his hand, “for not saluting a ranking officer.”

Dan chuckles under his breath.

“Let’s see your battlefield commission and then we’ll talk rank, sir,” he says. 

“Ugh, men.”

Steve turns around, and there’s Tony, flipping shut a panel high on the woman’s left arm with a smile. He pockets the pliers and drags the back of his forearm across his glistening forehead. Somewhere in the back of Steve’s mind, a saxophone is blaring. 

Honestly, the intrusive thoughts he could deal with, but the fact that Tony looks this good after hours of hard labor really isn’t fair. 

“Seriously, barely two minutes in and you military guys are at it like frat bros at a kegger.” Tony looks sidelong at the woman, who rolls her shoulders with a pop and a groan. “How do you manage?” 

“Easy,” she says, “I let them drink until they pass out and then I run back to the women’s barracks with all their clothes so they have to walk across the TOC butt-naked.”  

“I think we need to compare our respective strategies,” Natasha says, taking Wanda’s arm on her way to greet the other woman. “This is Wanda; I’m Natasha.”

The woman turns to face them. Her features are striking in a way that makes Steve think of old friends from the war, men he met on those rare occasions he had leave. He’d listen to Native American Code Talkers tell stories of land and legacy and home, stories older than anything Steve had ever known. He’d never been so humbled. 

“Delores,” she replies, shaking their hands. “But please, call me Del, or I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Steve looks at Tony, who giggles—giggles—and mouths ‘Umbridge.’ Del must have ears like a bat, because she smacks him smartly with her prosthetic arm and Tony yelps before devolving into outright laughter. Steve could watch and listen to Tony laugh—that big, gut-wrenching cackle Tony thinks is unattractive but Steve thinks makes Tony look like happiness personified—all day. 

The conversation devolves quickly from there, and within a couple of excitable minutes, the airmen are eager to get a look at the Avengers’ game room. They pile into the elevator, talking animatedly over each others’ heads, placing bets and picking teams as the doors close. 

In their wake, Steve’s ears are buzzing, and he realizes with a jolt that he’s now alone. With Tony. 

It happens often enough that the fact itself isn’t jarring, but something about being alone with disheveled-frazzled-happy-sweaty Tony sets Steve’s nerves on high alert. Tony is loose-limbed and relaxed, moving in and out of Steve’s space as he picks his way around the living room barefoot, looking for discarded tools. 

“There you are,” he coos at a tiny device that looks remarkably like a laser pointer. Knowing Tony, it’s probably a real laser. He pockets it, assumably to put away later (or fish out of the laundry at the last minute). 

“Who are those people, Tony?” 

“Friends of friends,” Tony replies. Steve also knows Tony well enough to recognize his I am being deliberately vague voice when he hears it. 

“Uh-huh.” Steve sits on the arm of the sofa, legs stretched out in front of him. “And who are they really?” 

“Who wants to know?”

“Me,” Steve says gently, scratching his palms with dulled fingernails. “They’re strangers, and they’re in our home. I think if you were in my shoes you’d want to know.” 

Tony stoops to pick up and pocket what looks like a dissected nine-volt battery. Steve kind of wants to ask, but he’s too distracted by Tony’s ass in those black Levis to ask any cogent questions. Seriously, he wonders, are those painted on?

Only when Tony sighs, and quite heavily, that Steve realizes this was more than just a friendly house call (of sorts) on Tony’s part. He watches Tony stand up, facing the floor-to-ceiling windows bright with the glow of sunset, and admires the way Tony suits the view so perfectly. He looks good all the time, but like this—skin burnished gold, brown eyes honeyed by the light—he’s something else. Someone Steve wants, desperately, but like most things in his life, knows he’s not allowed to have. Tony Stark is beyond him in so many ways. Reaching for him seems futile, so Steve stays on the ground, and looks. 

Tony fidgets nervously with a mini Phillips Head screwdriver, twiddling it in his long, clever fingers as he stares out the windows at the city sprawled out beneath them. 

“They’re from the same company as the guys in the convoy I was with when I—when they—” his voice sputters out before he can say the words. Steve doesn’t push. He doesn’t say anything. He just waits for Tony to gather himself. It’s one of the hardest lessons he’s had to learn about Tony Stark—sometimes it’s better to let him get a handle on himself, rather than jump in and try to handle Tony for him. It doesn’t change the fact that Steve wants nothing more than to hold his hand, now that it’s hanging at his side like its string was just cut. “A while back I dug into Air Force records, talked to Rhodey, got some names. Five people died in the hit that was meant for me. I figured, the least I could do was find five of their closest buddies who needed help.” 

Tony glances back at Steve—the little smile on his lips could break Steve’s heart if he let it.

“And I’ve heard you talk about how convoluted the VA is when it comes to services and benefits and whatnot. I figured, my tech probably took their limbs, I should cut out the middle man and give them new ones, myself.” 

Something in Steve’s heart shifts irrevocably before kicking into a whole new gear. By the end of the sentence, Steve knows he’s going to do something incredibly rash, the only question is when. 

Funny—ten minutes ago he was coming back from a team exercise, prepared to give Tony a friendly but firm talking-to about missing it, and instead here he is, breathless, heart racing, sitting and listening to Tony talk humbly about fixing people because he knows it’s the right thing to do. Because it’s the least he can do. And isn’t that the wildest understatement Steve’s ever heard? 

As if anything about Tony Stark could ever possibly be least. 

“You built them all those prosthetics?” 

“Top of the line!” Tony smirks, saluting Steve with his Phillips Head. “Nothing more high tech in any of them than a heart rate monitor and some other odds and ends—no rocket launcher eyes, don’t worry. I kept my baser urges in check with these.” 

“It’s good,” Steve blurts out, too loud and too fast. Tony inhales sharply, fingers clenching around the screwdriver hard enough his knuckles go white. Steve feels his face go hot and groans. “I mean, what you did—what you’re doing—is good, Tony. It’s really generous of you to do that for those guys.” 

Steve crosses his arms across his chest to make himself feel safer, more contained. If he doesn’t, who knows where these ridiculous feelings might go. He feels silly enough as it is, blushing and stammering while dressed in his uniform, sans helmet. Even Tony’s probably wondering why he’s wasting his time talking to a red-white-and-blue fossil when he could be downstairs destroying Clint and the others at pool or showing the airmen around the tower, giving them the bells-and-whistles tour. 

Tony looks at the floor, away from Steve. Steve feels it like a physical thing, Tony pulling away, retreating, wanting to hide. Amazing, how a man who almost literally wears his heart on his sleeve still thinks he doesn’t have one. 

“Yeah, well,” Tony mutters, “it’s good practice, anyways.” 

Steve’s thoughts grind to a halt. 

“Practice for what?” 

Tony starts moving around, shuffling back and forth across the living room floor, looking for something that probably isn’t there. Steve knows when Tony is avoiding eye contact with him—it happens often enough. 

“Just a pet project, nothing major. Hey, have you seen my cable knife anywhere?” 

“Did you leave it on the floor? Tony…”

“I know, I know, the only thing worse is Legos, but I was busy! You can’t blame me for—OW FUCK!” 

Like a shot, Steve is up and holding on to Tony so he doesn’t hop backwards into the glass coffee table. One arm wrapped around his back and the other hand on his bicep, Steve steadies Tony as Tony searches underfoot for whatever hurt him. 

He comes up with a magnet the size of a dime. 

“Ha,” Tony wheezes. “Speaking of Legos.” He drops it into his pocket along with the laser pointer and whatever else is in there and hangs his head. Rubbing his brow, Tony says: “God. I could sleep for a week after today.” 

Steve keeps holding Tony. He should let go, but opportunities like this so rarely present themselves. Plus, Tony feels so good under his hands, strong and warm and just small enough to envelope in a hug if Steve let himself, if Tony wanted him to, and Tony does look dead on his (adorable, bare) feet…

“What else have you been working on today? This pet project?” 

“Hah?” Tony breathes, still wincing slightly from stepping on the magnet. “Oh yeah. For Bucky, when you find him. Ow, motherfucker, that hurt…”

The thing about being in Tony Stark’s presence is, it’s so easy to lose the plot. Tony’s mind moves faster than Steve could ever hope to match, mentally or physically; he’s always one pace behind, catching up. It’s fine, though; he actually kind of likes it, being challenged the way Tony challenges him, delighting in the push-pull of their banter and debates, the way Tony teaches him about science and tech and the 21st century without being condescending. Steve gets to a point where he thinks he knows Tony, how he operates, how his brain works—then moments like this happen, and it’s like he’s sprinted smack into a brick wall. 

“What?” 

“What?” 

“Bucky, you said—are you designing a new arm? For Bucky?” 

Tony seems to notice their position at that exact moment. Steve feels him blaze with heat where his hands are touching Tony’s bare skin. 

“Uh. Maybe?” At Steve’s look, Tony bites his lip and sighs. “Fine. Yeah, I am. Can you blame me? The thought of Sputnik wandering around the tower with that Cold War-era paperweight hanging off him when I’ve got brand-spanking-new, finely-tuned StarkTech all but ready to go? Perish, Steve, perish the thought.”

Tony is smiling up at him from his place in Steve’s arms, relaxed now, almost leaning into him, and all Steve can think is, he belongs here. 

“What’s that face?” Tony asks, curious but still smiling. He pokes Steve in the middle of the forehead with a cheeky grin. “Keep frowning like that, your face’ll stick.”

When, apparently, is right now. 

When Steve reaches up and takes Tony’s hand, he gets to watch Tony’s thoughts run into the wall, for once. 

When he weaves their fingers together, he gets to watch Tony’s mouth click shut and his eyes go wide. Super-hearing means he can count the beats of Tony’s racing heart without having to feel them. Steve’s telegraphing every movement, every feeling, as much as he possibly can now that words seem to have escaped him. 

He must manage okay, because the look that passes over Tony’s face is the same one Steve’s seen in the mirror a thousand times since the day he realized he was halfway in love with Tony Stark: wonder, one part lost, one part found. 

When he leans down, slowly, Steve gets to watch Tony’s beautiful eyes flicker and shut. He counts the dark lashes where they rest on Tony’s high cheekbones, breathes in his smell and listens to the shudder in his exhale before drawing him in for a kiss that draws everything else to a quiet, blissful blank.

When Tony pushes his fingers up into Steve’s hair, scratching lightly at the nape of his neck, Steve drops his arms around Tony’s waist and pulls him in close with a soft groan. He’s warm and messy and still holding that damn screwdriver, but he kisses Steve soft and eager like it’s the only thing he wants to do for the rest of his life, folds himself into Steve’s embrace like he wants to build a home right there in his arms. 

One day Steve will tell him he already did, a long time ago, and it wasn’t the least of anything. 

*** 

more fics on AO3!

[squid--inc--writes]

purgatory

so, I decided to finally finish writing that piece from a really fucked up dream I had. this probably doesn`t cover a quarter of it, but I enjoyed it, and its the first solid writing piece I`ve had in 2 years, so I`m proud.

@schwarzekatzen @wettthepottterheadss4120

warning: gore, gross descriptions, vague psychological bullshit, bullying, violence, etc.

word count:  2281

summary: you follow Trith (not mentioned in the story) on her first round to meet some of the residents within this particular realm of purgatory. Because, frankly, who else can?

My eyes open to a hollow ceiling, peering right into an attic where a familiar rocking hair rocks away. Not a care in the world about how it's up there. That would be Granny Gin. Don't know her real name, but still. She's there. Dead as ever, and knitting away. Sometimes I sleep in long enough that her scarf reaches the floor.

Standing up, groggy, I make my way to do my rounds. Someone's got to make sure the dead don't panic. The first round doesn't have to be me all dressed up. Not like they care about the smell. At least I don't think they do. Can the dead smell? I don't know. At Kirby's request, I started keeping a journal so he can remember what last happened and get one step closer to getting out of here. I also want to help everyone else out of purgatory, so this is why I'm writing this. Brand spanking new. Right up on a blank page. Yep.

So, I guess my next ghastly figure is Heidi. She stands in the bathroom all day. Touching up her makeup, not changing a thing. Aside from the usual changes extended stays can cause. I think she starved to death. Couldn't tell you. She's standing there, takes a glance at me in the mirror, nods, then tries another colour of lipstick. She's been here a while, so that means three eyes, each one a distinct colour of red, blue or yellow. She also has glowing skin, and her legs are becoming more horse like. Maybe her puzzle would be solved by getting her life a little STABLE. Hah. Get it? Why would I write down my laugh?

Whatever, I'm not going to erase anything or cross it out. The thoughts of the living might help, even abstractly.

The next is the hallway. Bert walks along, holding a gas can thing. Y'know, an old timey thing they used to gas bugs? I'm not sure, I can't recall ever needing an exterminator.

He tips his hat to mean, "hey there, lil' lady. Didn't the landlord tell ya to keep out of the building for the next day or so? Don't worry. I'll wait to do my work until you get out. I'll just let 'im know I'll be a bit late starting."

I nod, "thank you." Sometimes it's easier to play along. I feel he's been a tad testy, so I try not to agitate him. Usually I can pass by just fine. Maybe he had anger issues. Try and work his puzzle out like that. Ironically, he resembles a cockroach by now. He doesn't have hands, but the rigid limbs that should have been his hands were made of a hardened skin. It chipped away from his bones like it knew it wasn't supposed to look like that. I rarely look him in the face, both because he looks… interesting, but also because it tends to aggravate him. Maybe it's the way I look at him. He's yelled at me for being a large bug before, not always a roach. I just don't want to get hit again. Maybe I shouldn't help him.

Next up, Theodore and Teddy. They have the same name, and they yell at each other from across the hall. They each have their own rooms. Sometimes they switch rooms. They seem to be connected at this point, literally. They have long strings of flesh swinging from between their bodies. At one point, they got cut, and you see everything pouring out. They acknowledge it in their recent arguments, getting mad at the other for not making enough of an effort to keep it all in. Theodore usually doesn't have a jaw anymore, since it melted down, combined with his clothes. I can't check on Mindy anymore thanks to them. I don't think I want to.

However, I think the problem revolves around they're communication. But that's an obvious point. Maybe they need to accept their own responsibility for their misfortunes.

Mindy… last time I saw her, she had dolls connecting to her through thousands of strands of veins, and nerves, and all other sorts of things. They aren't all made of plastic anymore, last time I saw her.

Theodore says to me, as if his chin wasn't sitting where his stomach would be, "hello dear. How are you today?"

"I'm doing well. Thank you. How are you and Teddy today?"

Teddy snorts from the other room, dusting off an old hat, and placing it on his head, "I'm fine. Perfectly."

Theodore rolled his eyes, "we're as well as ever. Just a lovers' quarrel."

Teddy got offended, ripping the hat off, "oh, NOW we're lovers?"

I nod, and quickly leave before they start trying to pull their guts to their respective sides, and spitting insults. It never ends well.

Next up, Patty and Simone, standing on the stairs. They are actually quite friendly with each other. Patty asking Simone about her husband, Simone asking how Patty's been, after her being widowed and all. They swap recipes regularly. Patty very much seems like she killed her husband. And some of the recipes they swap sound as if Simone is trying to kill her husband. If what she says is true, he deserves it. God do I hope it's not.

Simone has morphed into the railing at this point, spine jutting from bloodless flesh so she can lean on the staircase. I feel the one they used to talk at was a lot lower, considering Simone is almost nine feet in the air. Patty, however, seems to be turning to a bone statue. Her legs can no longer move, not that she moved much to begin with. Wait, no, this time she seems to be turning to ice. Her legs are quite transparent, but there's a layer of frost surrounding her feet. They never used to acknowledge me, but Simone seems to have spread to the stairs, and she'll scold me for walking too roughly. Patty gives me the most judgmental look. I think if they could move on from husband's they'd probably be home free. But that is what their lives revolved around for so long, so I'm not sure that could be easy.

Once I sneak down the stairs without slipping, or getting yelled at, it's into the kitchen I go. Sid is at the fridge constantly stuffing his face. Somehow, he's a part of the fridge. Everything drops out of his stomach back into the fridge, into a pile of slop. Like something a pig would eat. If he's particularly frantic, he'll tear chunks out of himself. I don't think they can feel it when they hurt themselves. Not unless they're supposed to…

I have no clues as to how Sid can save his puzzle. He doesn't tend to talk. I'm not sure he has vocal cords anymore. He barely has eyes.

Moving from the kitchen is the parlor. I'm not sure how this place works, so I'm not sure this is in the right place. Either way, the parlor has about seven people in here. Kirby plays checkers with Daniel, Maud watches TV with Lainey, Paula and Shess pick on Lily. 

Paula and Shess would probably be gone if they could stop, and just sincerely apologize. I'm not sure Lily is really a person though, because she's never changed once. I think she kind of looks like a mannequin, but moving. She's meant to play a part, being small, and easy to pick on. Shess shattered her arms at one point, and now just has gooey, bloody stumps with bone shards sticking out that she uses to punch lily with, and her head is being engulfed by her own skin, but her eyes seemed to have multiplied, hair having started to attach and grow off of the eyes. Like the world's grossest ice-cream cone. Paula, on the other hand, started turning into blades. Her fingernails are long and sharp, her arms have started to thin at the edges, and splinter into more blades, even her nose resembles a knife. I passed her once, her hair brushed my cheek, and I had a long cut from my temple to my chin. That wasn't fun. I can't talk to either of them. They're always caught up in bloodlust.

Lainey and Maud try to ignore Shess and Paula as much as possible. They are actually aware of their surroundings. I don't think they need my help out, because they've been fading lately, so maybe they're ready to pass on. They generally talk about the movie they're watching. Sometimes they get new snacks from an unknown source. Usually they just coo at each other about how much they love each other, and what signs to look for to find each other again. They told me that Purgatory allows you the chance to return to when you died, the chance to fade completely, or to join the better place in whatever you believed in. Purgatory is for learning lessons. They both believe in reincarnation, and fully believe they'll still love each other, no matter the timeline. It's one of the nicer conversations.

Daniel and Kirby are next up. Daniel has no idea what's going on ever. His skin seems to be made from webs, and these small black creatures weave over him all the time, anytime something starts breaking down. Which happens at every move.  Daniel seems actually peaceful here. Maybe he needs to take a stand. Especially with Kirby always cheating. He doesn't even do it subtly, he straight up takes pieces, and places them where they shouldn't be. Daniel would probably tear all his 'skin' off at this point if he tried to do something.

Kirby, however, seems to increasingly be made of greasy Hawaiian print shirts. Yes, you are made of shirts. I almost slip when I pass your table because it's not, like, slightly caked on grease, it's literally dripping, and doesn't spread past a three foot radius. Maybe if you apologized for Dan, it would help. How's that sound?

Okay, three more rooms, then I start getting ready. So, I leave the other side of the parlor, head into the hall, and head to the basement. Shimi is down here. They're just a long, skinny eel at this point. With multiple heads that bite at Shimi's main body. I'm not even sure when Shimi showed up, and I've never seen much else, so I'm not sure they can leave. I don't try to go into the water. Too scared. It's undefinably deep. Some places you can see the ground, others are holes, others are so obfuscated by flesh that has yet to melt down and turn into water. I'm sure Shimi's been here for thousands of years.

Heading back upstairs, I check on the, what I can only assume, ballroom. It's huge, and usually has a few dancing couples. This room changes a lot, and has the least mutated people in it. I remember I helped one couple realize the intense emotion they couldn't move on from was rage, at the fact that they had cheated on each other. They both felt wronged, but they were both no better than each other. The puzzle they solved involved them no longer dancing together, and finding new partners. Today it stood completely empty. Not unusual, but still. The room always unnerves me.

Next up, I like to call the nook. It's not quite in the library, but it's very cozy right outside it.

A rough, sweet voice says, "what took you so long?"

I smile at Ronnie. She's very nice. I think she is, maybe was, actually my age when she died. We're both around seventeen. She however has skin made from literal porcelain, although that does mean when she moves too much, her body starts leaking blood, like from her eyes and joints . Her hair is nearly laid around her head, a warm auburn. And I don't mean that figuratively. It literally feels the way a room with plenty of blankets and a fireplace would feel like. The nook doesn't have a fireplace, it just has Ronnie.

She rasps out, "well, are we going to have a nap? You're my favourite snuggle buddy, and I can't have one without you."

I'm pretty sure she can't leave because she's trapped in her childhood. She's told me about all her dolls, and toys. I think her house might have burned down, and she wouldn't leave them behind. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get her to leave.

I give her a closed mouth smile, and step forward, "yeah, I can help you take a nap."

I wind up cuddling up to her. And, I think I won't write much until after I get ready. Too tired. Need to wake up more.

When I'm finally up, I look up to see the hollow attic. No floor at all. Grandmother Gin rocking away in her rocking chair, completely unaware of the lack of floor.im not sure if that's actually her name. Sometimes I get up so late that her blanket actually gets in my way trying to get up. At least I don't usually get dressed up to do my first round. I don't think the dead care about when the living stink. They don't seem to care about much. I do. Speaking of stink, I am doing this for my pal Kirby. Try to keep a record and write down everything that happens. Maybe I can help him, and some of the others, out of here. That's why I'm writing this. Right here. Blank page. Well, not blank anymore. But, hey, first page, first to go.

[ms-demeanor]

I appreciate your positivity posts a lot, but there are a couple things that make me instinctively angry when i see them One, it really frustrates me that i cannot be good at everything. I know it may sound kinda stupid, but i feel jealous when i see people learning skills i know I'll never master cause they arent a priority over other skills im already working on Two, when im angry/frustrated and i see positivity, it only makes me angrier None of this is your fault, just needed to vent a little

(This post requires a table of contents)

Frustration that you can’t be good at everything - A

Frustration with positivity - B

Do I contradict myself? Kinda but not really - C

Ah-ha, but I have fooled us all - D

A

That doesn’t sound stupid at all, it actually sounds exactly like the insta-rage that I get from being bad at something or from hearing “anybody can do X.”

I know that sounds contradictory, considering that I’ve been saying “anybody can learn artistic skills with practice,” but I’ll explain in a sec.

Okay so I’m learning guitar right? Like, with all the hand-pain and dyspraxia and all I’m still giving it a go and it’s taking forever and it’s really frustrating.

It’s more frustrating because I realized I had to do it alone - if I’m practicing around people or a person is sitting next to me while I’m trying to learn a skill or get the fretting of a particular chord down or (especially this one) trying to memorize a sequence of notes and movements it’s. It’s extremely not pretty. It’s apparently very upsetting for the people who are around me when that happens.

I get furious with myself and I get frustrated because goddamnit fucking children can do this thing and I’m an adult and it’s a simple fucking sequence of five movements and I’m just getting it wrong because I’m a useless idiot.

It takes about four minutes with a guitar teacher or jamming with a friend for me to devolve into “attempt sequence > fuck sequence up > apologize > try again but now while more mad at myself > fuck it up worse > apologize > forget beginning of sequence > try really hard not to start calling myself a fucking idiot in front of a friend who really shouldn’t have to handle this.”

And when I do that it feels terrible. It feels bad, feels like my skills have regressed, makes me want to put the instrument down and not pick it up again.

The thing is, I do this with every skill that I’m learning. You should see me when I’m trying to learn a new version of some kind of software. It’s terrible. I’m at my absolute worst and lowest when I’m trying to find the new place Adobe has hidden a menu or what the new command is to format something in Word.

But here’s the deal: I know what this is when I’m doing it. This is emotional dysregulation.

Basically finding out that I have ADHD changed my life and got me to really start examining a lot of my reactions to things and the behavior patterns I’ve lived with for most of my life.

I experience an impulse to be furious when people are more skilled than I am, I AM furious when I feel like my skills aren’t where I think they should be. But neither of those things are actually good for helping me learn to do the thing and I’d much rather learn to do the thing than be angry about not being good enough at it.

I spend a fair amount of time in therapy. I have worked on recognizing when I have the impulse to do something that is going to be unhelpful or reactive and attempting to approach that impulse with other options.

That’s not easy! And it doesn’t come naturally! My first response to a lot of things is still anger or frustration or despair.

But since I *know* that’s my first impulse and I’ve learned enough about my own behavior to understand that my first impulse is frequently the wrong course of action (grounded in panic or whatever) I’ve been working on accepting that my first reaction is typically negative and moving on more quickly to other, more helpful reactions.

(this has been really fantastic for increasing my feelings of agency and control over my own life; acting on your panic response all the time isn’t good for your long term stability)

You know you can’t be good at everything, you know that it takes a long time to acquire skills. That doesn’t make it any less frustrating that you don’t have the skills that you want to have. So it’s understandable that your first reaction to the skills positivity posts would be negative, and it’s understandable if you want to sit in that negativity for a little bit.

It’s also understandable to mourn the skills that you could have had. “If I hadn’t stopped practicing guitar in my teens I could be so much better now.” “If I hadn’t had to get a job with such a long commute I could be drawing daily and I’d be so much farther along.” “If I hadn’t been discouraged by my parents I’d have had so much more practice with music.” “If I hadn’t gotten injured I’d be such a good dancer right now.”

There’s a perfect you that lives in your head and they’ve had all the opportunities you missed and got to keep practicing when you couldn’t and have all the money you don’t and sleep you keep missing. I get wanting to be that person. I get wanting what they want.

But the you in your head isn’t real and it’s sad if you’re ignoring how wonderful the real you is because you’re not perfect in the same ways.

So if you can, I’d recommend trying to see if there’s a positive response you can practice remembering when you get frustrated about your skills.

(for me it’s honestly just saying “the next best time to plant a tree is today” and remembering that I’ve got a long time to learn to do all the things I want to do. It’s not a race, and if I can’t get to something now I can try later.)

You’re great. You’re great and you’re trying hard and if you wouldn’t yell at your friend for not learning a skill or being good at something you shouldn’t yell at yourself either.

B

So when I was like, 17, I wrote a bit of poetry that went like this:

I’m a casual cynicwho prays for optimistsbut it’s hard for me to be onewhen I’m talking with my fists.

I am a very, very negative, pessimistic person. Optimism and positivity irritate the hell out of me.

The frustrating thing about positivity is that it largely feels like criticism. It feels like “if you can’t do X, Y, or Z it’s because you choose not to.”

And I sure as fuck can’t blame people for being negative. I’m negative and the world is shitty and everything is difficult and expensive. I really, really don’t think that people are choosing not to do what they want to do.

So when you hear “you can do it!” it’s a very natural response to go “yeah, easy for you to say, you don’t have a million things preventing you from doing it.”

Part of this is that your brain is a filthy liar and it thinks that skills are easy to acquire. Your brain is going “if anyone can do it and I haven’t it’s because I’m lazy and I suck.”

I would like you to remind your brain that it is a filthy liar.

(I would also like to remind people that negativity that exists to the point that generic positivity posts upset you or make you angry is a symptom of depression)

But the other thing is that you probably DO have a million legitimate things that are keeping you from Doing The Thing and when you’re seeing someone else say “Do the thing!” you’re just seeing the shiny thing, not their million things that were in the way too.

Doing shit is HARD. It’s exhausting. It involves opportunity cost. If I want to make fanart I have do dedicate time to that that gets taken away from somewhere else and you know what sometimes it’s just better for me and more in line with my desires to re-read a 100k slow-burn than it is to make a drawing of the characters.

But it’s also really important to recognize which kinds of positivity actually contain criticism.

My initial statement in the Gru comic was “Talent is bullshit, nurture your skills with practice & make the content you want to see in the world.” This was in reaction to a simply-drawn comic that expressed that you need talent to make fanart and not everybody has talent.

A lot of people have seen that as criticism.

I am. Really, really not attempting to criticize people with these posts.

But also, yeah, being told “woah, hey, just calm down” when you’re already pissed isn’t going to make anyone’s afternoon any better. And there’s not much I can do about that (and I know you don’t want me to, you said you were just venting).

C

“You hate positivity and yet you make positivity posts, interesting.”

So the brand of positivity posts I hate are the “If I can do it anyone can!” posts and here’s why:

Not everyone can be on a Roller Derby team.

Breaking my back and having to quit roller derby made me reassess a lot of my attitudes about the world.

If you point to a specific activity and say “if I can do this anyone can do this” you are wrong. There are a lot of people who aren’t going to be able to do a thing. If you say “If I can lose the babyweight within three weeks of giving birth anyone can” there are a lot of people who can’t do that thing and there is a kind of implicit criticism there. “If I can get over my scoliosis and lift weights anyone can,” is kind of saying that the people with scoliosis who can’t lift weights just aren’t making an effort.

“If I can do this anyone can” is wrong. It ignores the fact that people are all in unique circumstances and have different limitations. No, not anyone can. Not everyone can be on a Roller Derby team.

But what I’m saying in my posts isn’t “anyone can draw” it is “if you practice a skill you will improve at it, so if you want to improve at drawing you need to practice.”

And I’ve been very clear in admitting that not everyone can do this, due to time constraints and low energy and physical limitations.

The one deviation I’ve made from that is to come pretty close to saying “anyone can do art” and again, I consider that a bit different because “art” is a very broad category and I do believe that pretty much anyone can create things that I would consider art, even if that art isn’t traditional visual media. And again, any of those kinds of art would also improve with practice.

D

The joke was on all of us all along, by the way. While I’m being pretty positive about the idea of practice and the fact that it will improve people’s performance at all skill levels there’s a secret:

That Gru post isn’t so much positive about practice as it is *incredibly* negative about the concept of talent.

Talent IS bullshit. There is a variable range of innate abilities that people can have that may jump-start a particular skill but proficiency in that skill is always going to be down to practice, not talent.

Talent was made up as a cover to explain the “brilliance” of people who had armies of laborers supporting them. I bet I’d be able to invent a lot of shit if I didn’t have to do laundry or worry about whether I was going to be able to afford both food and rent next month. Talent is a myth that pairs nicely with great man theory in that it is crap and I want people to understand that sucking at things for a long time is a part of not sucking at things eventually and also that you’re going to get a lot more done working with a group of motivated people than you are if you wait for one “talented genius” to change the world.

[voldemorthatesnose96]

Robbe IJzermans’ Log

Robbe’s short journal entry of his trip around Asia and his meeting with Sander. Enjoy❤️❤️❤️

It got yeeted so I have to repost it! Sorry!

Memory is a strange thing. Even the smallest part of it sometimes can take the biggest place in our mind, making us speechless by its beauty and sadness altogether.

But put it this way. Let’s imagine that memory is like a box of chocolate; once you eat it, you can’t stop taking it again until it’s done. It’s so decadent, bittersweet at times, a true guilty pleasure but utterly satisfying. Sound almost like memories, right?

For me, I still remember this one particular moment in life where I’ve finally falling in love with someone. No, it’s not a woman, but a man—a carefree soul, unapologetic for having such big dreams of traveling around the world, a bit selfish but have a heart as gentle as a lamb. His name is Sander Driesen.

We were practically strangers who accidentally met on 3 weeks trip around Asia. There were about 20-25 people who participated, almost all of them already knew each other. Sander even brought 3 high school friends with him. And guess what? I’m the only weirdo among this travel group. Surprise surprise.

It was genuinely frustrating for me back then. I’m the only child in the family. My parents wanted me to be a doctor someday, because both of them are surgeons. In short, my whole life is already planned. I couldn’t even take a break on Sunday because I’m always too busy to study and they were still nagging. When other boys like me playing outside blablabla, I could only dream about it. So at that point in life, I decided to take a chance, to became a rebel for some time and joined the trip. Didn’t even care that I have to emptied my saving because of it. I only got one thing in mind : “I NEED TO BE FREE!” and that was exactly what I had later. In short, I ran away from home and only left a goodbye note which said “mum, dad, I’m going to Asia for 3 weeks. Sorry and see you later”.

Anyway, meeting Sander Driesen was both endearing and strange for me. When I almost tripped while climbed up the stairs on the plane, he swiftly held my back with his palm. I turned around and caught the most alluring dark green eyes I’ve ever seen. Later, he asked me if I’m alright and my shitty brain couldn’t made the simplest word such as “yes” or “thanks”, so I just gave him an awkward nod instead and continued to climbed up without saying another word. Why the fuck did I do that??? I should’ve at least said something! Lord!

And I think fate was hating on me so much back then. Sander was actually my seatmate during the entire fly. He was also kind enough to asked me if I’m truly alright or not, and ONCE FUCKING AGAIN, I just gave him a nod, still tongue tied to say anything at all. From the corner of my eye, I saw him smirking while looking at me—didn’t know what’s that for.

There’s so many things I want to pour but sadly, I don’t have that much time to write the entire journey of my marvelous trip because I have to be at the hospital in 2 hours. But I’ll try to summarize it. Especially about Sander.

He’s also an only child, with a remarried father. He said he doesn’t hate his step-mother but if he could choose, he’d rather not be in the same room with her. His dad was actually half-begged him to not going, but Sander insisted; he wanted to see the world, needed to make the most of it and this trip was one of the best offer. He told me all this when we were at the airport in Shenzhen while waiting for our flight because it was delayed for an hour.

During our trip in Shibuya, Sander gave me a small Gudetama plushie that make could make a sound if you press it. He won it from a skill-crane and thought I’d like it because it has the same color as my sweater. And I do like it, very much and I still keep it safe inside my desk at home.

He was also introduced me to his other friends and we got along quickly. They were loud and didn’t understand the meaning of personal space, but I didn’t mind that at all. Being around them gave a brand new energy that I didn’t know exist within me.

Sander even introduced me to David Bowie’s music. That guy loves him too much, until one evening, when he was too drunk at this bar in Gangnam, he got into a small karaoke stage and started singing Rebel Rebel loudly. The others were too busy laughing and cheering, I was the only one who could convinced him to get down from the stage before he nearly took off his t-shirt. It was a rather wild night, but I enjoyed it. Every seconds of it.

Our last destination stopped in Bangkok. There was this hilarious experience where we tried this dangerous-looking fruit called “DURIAN” and boy, the smell was FUCKING HORRIBLE! Sander even had to excused himself once his nose caught the smell, and he wasn’t coming back until half an hour later. For the first time ever, I laughed at him, hard. I remembered how his expression was more amused than offended. He asked, “where’s this side of you since day one, Robbe?” and I answered in between my laugh, “I had no idea either.”

It was also Valentine’s Day. All of us were invited to a party at this club. But I got too dizzy because of the sound and everything. Not long after, Sander took me outside and we went for a walk together. It was almost 5 AM. I still remembered the night breeze across my neck, the thrill when I accidentally got too close to Sander—maybe you can call me weird but in 3 weeks only, I already fell in love with him. I fell in love with how he spoke about the world, the universe through his eyes, how his eyes always crinkled whenever he smiled, how his nose scrunched whenever he cackled, the gentleness of his voice even when he was drunk; Sander Driesen was captivated and mesmerized me in a way that no one ever could. And that time, I needed to confess, about everything that I felt. Though I couldn’t.

When we were talking about our future plan, Sander pulled out an acceptance letter at one of the most prestigious university in US. Full scholarship too.

But then, I saw doubts flashed in his eyes.

“I’m scared, Robbe.” He admitted, genuinely.

“You? Scared?”

“Because life’s never gonna be the same anymore.”

I still held my ground, kept my voice as steady as possible, “so?”

“I’ll leave my friends behind and they...”

“Secretly aren’t too thrilled about it.” I continued.

His dark green eyes were almost black now, even under the street lights.

“What will my Dad’s say? I haven’t told him yet.”

I considered it for a moment, “yeah, America is very far. When will you be going?”

“In 2 weeks, more or less.”

“Okay.”

Sander took a step closer to me, “I’ll be alone there, Robbe.”

I smiled softly at him, “and here? What about here?”

“Here feels nice. Too nice but...”

“But you want to fly,” I continued calmly. “You want madness. You want adventure. You also want to fall. I remember everything, Sander.”

“And this scholarship...”

“Will bring you a lot closer to your dreams.”

For few moments that felt like eternity, both of us just stood there and stared at each other. It was comfortable, it was needed, it was enough.

“Will you miss me?”

I grinned, “of course not.”

Biggest lie ever.

But from his face, I could tell that Sander only took that as a joke because he was simply gave me his usual dazzling smirk to me.

“Were you about to say something earlier?”

“It’s just... just wanna say that night is ended.”

Just like I thought, I couldn’t say it. Just... couldn’t say it. Because no matter how much I loved him, his love for his dream was bigger than mine and I wouldn’t want to stopped him.

I was hurt but also grateful. Every single memory that I take with me is always gonna be the part of who I am today and in the far future. I can never forget the madness, the sadness, the laughter, the thrills in those days and those nights.

Sander Driesen chased his dream so hard that he was gone in a blink of an eye. It’s almost 7 years now, he never turns back and I’m not waiting for him.

[fuckedurbias]

two piece - johnny seo

genre: fluffy!!! v slight?? angst towards the end

requested? yes!

word count: 1.3k

warnings: apart from a lot of soft!johnny that could endanger ur heart,, nothing hehe

It was another long day, time was passing by so slow and all you could think about was how much you were dreading the long train ride and bus ride home. All you wanted to do was collapse onto your warm bed and sleep for 10 hours or even better, 4 months because that’s how long you had until the semester ended. You did love your course; studying and pursuing fashion was your life long dream, but days like this where it just dragged on for hours with no practical stuff and just all theory drained the life and passion out of you. This point in the semester was the worst, with exams coming up soon you didn’t get to do any of the fun stuff. Designing was fun but when you only got to draw it out and had to annotate it without actually making anything it really chipped away at your ambition and love for the art.

“Okay students, now that all the bases are covered I would like to introduce you to some very special people” Your professor announces, snapping you out of your daydream. Your brain starts racing, trying to think of who it could be. Why would he be bringing in ‘special’ people? What have you been doing in this class that would call for any models, brand reps, high end designers or anyone of that like, to leave their important positions for an hour to come visit some university students?

“Because we are on the topic of individual styles and dressing for different body types, these people are coming in to help us. You will each be assigned one of these people and have to dress them to flatter their body type, while still keeping their preferred fashion style” Your professor explains. Ah yes, that… Shows how much you’ve been paying attention. Once your professor is finished explaining the project, a line of people starts to walk in. Your eyes widen, realising who they are; well, you don’t know exactly who they are, but you can assume. They are beautiful, tall and well proportioned so who else could they be other than models. Real models. You’re already so intimidated and anxious. One in particular who your eyes immediately catch, he’s the tallest one out of the bunch and his brown hair neatly parted off his forehead. Your heart starts racing and you hope you’re assigned anyone but him because god your heart is already about to burst out of your chest you’d hate to think about what mess you’d become if you had to talk to him and touch him.

But alas, of course with your luck that is exactly what happens. As the teacher goes through the names of the students and the models that they will be assigned you feel the butterflies in your stomach intensify as the boy you didn’t want to be assigned wasn’t assigned to anyone else yet. When the teacher eventually gets to your name, you hold your breath as he says you will be paired with someone named “Johnny” and you look along the models and see the boy smile and wave at you. Oh fuck. You give a poor attempt at a smile and a wave back and then fall back in your seat and look down at your blank laptop screen, refusing to look at anything but that.

“Before we start, just want to clarify that these people aren’t professional models…yet. They are only trainees and their companies generously lent them to us for this project and to also help them get experience, as at the end of this project we will be holding a mini fashion show. It won’t be anything too extravagant so don’t stress too much” Your professor clarifies, but as if that’s going to calm you down in any way. You wish you could be stressing over the actual project but sadly the only thing you’re stressing over is the fact that you’re going to have to talk to and style the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen in your life, and now he’s walking over to you and you’re feeling nothing but dread for all the embarrassment you’re about to cause yourself.

“So, what kind of fashion style and trends do you like the most?” You ask nervously, unable to look up at him. This whole conversation has just been you glancing at his hands; which wasn’t really helping since they were just as pretty as his face, so big and the outlines of his veins protruding and visible. His fingers also so long and slender and the rings he was wearing made them appear even longer, as if that was even possible. You really needed to kick some sense into yourself right now, you couldn’t go the whole project not looking at him while you were talking to him. He probably thinks you’re weird and impolite, but you can’t just tell him you’re too scared to look at him because he’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen in your life… Could you?

“Hello?” Johnny waves his hand in front of your face and you nearly jump out of your skin and accidentally make eye contact with him for ½ a second. You feel your cheeks becoming hotter by the second as you quickly look back down at your notes you were writing down on your laptop. You quickly mutter a ‘sorry’ and start typing away hastily on your laptop.

“Did you even hear what I said?” He furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “Yes I-” you accidentally look at his eyes again and immediately feel defeated, “no… I didn’t”.  You looked down at your hands resting on some random keys, you don’t even know where you were going with this entire thing and you just felt so embarrassed, you couldn’t even look Johnny in the eyes for more than 2 seconds and even that was a stretch, how were you supposed to style an entire outfit for him? And have it look good? You can feel tears welling up in your eyes and you’re trying so hard to hold them back even though you know they’re visible. “Woah, are you okay?” Johnny asks softly, reaching over to close your laptop and put it aside. He leans in close trying to get you to look up at him, great now you’re really going to start crying. You look at him, feeling the the intense nerves in your stomach again but this time you continued to look at him. “I don’t know honestly, this whole project is already so overwhelming and I really have no idea what I’m doing. I’m already enough of a nervous, stressed out mess and add this to the mix and… I feel like I’m going to explode” You ramble on, body falling back in your chair as your gaze falls back down to your hands.

“What about it is stressing you out?” He questions. Every time he speaks you feel like you’re about to start melting, his voice is so smooth and low and especially when he’s talking to you so softly like this and trying to comfort you, god it’s driving you insane.

“Well…” You look up at him, trying to decide if you should lie or just tell him that it’s him, “I-it’s you”. Your mouth spoke before you could decide if you were going to say it or not.

“Me? Really?” He leans back a little, giving you a shy smile. “Yeah” You don’t realise how wide-eyed you’re looking at him right now, “just working with an actual model, well trainee, but to me it’s basically the same thing, you know? And having the responsibility of dressing you and having such a high possibility of messing it all up and humiliating not just myself, but you as well. You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen so I don’t know how I’ll make you look bad but with my luck I’m sure I will somehow” You ramble once again, having no idea what you just said.

“Okay firstly, you won’t mess it up at all, I’ll help you if you’re unsure even though I already trust you since you’ve been asking me detailed questions, so I know you’re thorough and passionate about your work and ideas. Secondly, I’m the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, really?” He has a shit eating grin on his face and you feel your stomach sink. You’d bang your head against the table but you’ve already embarrassed yourself enough, all you can do now is at least pretend to be confident and own up to what you said, as if he’ll believe it at this point.

“Y-yeah you are, you’re a model so of course…. That’s the only reason why- Anyways!! Back to the questions!” You snap open your laptop and ask him the question again. At least you can make eye contact with him now without feeling like throwing up everywhere, for the most part. This project was already an emotional rollercoaster and you hadn’t even started yet.

It had been a week since the project started and much to your disbelief and low expectations, it was actually going quite well. Once you opened up to him, you found that he was a very down to earth guy, also surprisingly shy and very funny. He was very good at initiating conversation and keeping them going, so he kind of forced you to open up by making you talk with his never-ending conversation but you weren’t complaining at all. Especially at times like today, you two were at the shopping centre to look around and shop for clothes for the project. You were feeling so dead, since you were running on 3 hours of sleep and you woke up early to meet up with Johnny. He got mad at you for not taking care of yourself, even thought it wasn’t your fault and it was due to so many assessments being due at once. His conversation kept you awake though, (amongst a lot of coffee) even if it did irritate you at some points and you didn’t feel like talking, he still talked even if you didn’t answer. Purely because he knew he was helping you not fall asleep while you walked.

“Remind me why we’re here when we have work to do?” Johnny asks, looking at you confused as you stood in line for frozen yoghurt.

“Because there’s nothing more motivating and uplifting than your own personalised ice cream. Choosing my own flavour and filling it to the brim with candy and chocolate and jelly reminds me that the choices I make will make me happy and are good for me!” You glance at his face, “At least, for me, you know?”. He just lets out a huff of air as he smiles and looks away. “Sure, if it will cheer up and make you less tired. Maybe I’ll feel some sort of achievement as well!” Johnny smiles softly, squinting as he looks up at the menu. You chuckled softly to yourself as you smiled up at him, watching him look confusedly at the overwhelming amount of options. You felt a ride of that same nervousness in your stomach that you felt when you first saw him, you looked down at the floor quickly as your face fell. You suddenly felt very unworthy of being in presence, but at the same time it’s the only place you wanted to be.

Unfortunately, one thing you forgot with frozen yoghurt was that you could not go into any of the clothes shops until you had finished. So for 20 minutes you had just been sitting at a table that belonged to the dumpling place, and you were worried you’d get kicked out and told off for sitting there but Johnny insisted you wouldn’t. You rushed eating your froyo out of fear and finished within 5 minutes, but Mr. Seo over here took so long that you did end up getting kicked from the table.

“I told you! I fucking told you!” You yell, pretending to be angry. All Johnny could do was laugh in response, feeling butterflies rise in his stomach seeing how cute you looked with your face scrunched up in anger. He wanted so badly to kiss your pouty lips right then and there.  

You’d passed a lot of shops now; even went into a few that you thought had the vibe that you were looking for, but sadly none of them fit the vision of the outfit you had planned out in your head. Johnny was happily following you around like a big, loyal St. Bernard as you hastily rushed about, anxiety clearly building. You stopped by a virtual map, scrolling through the possible shops you could visit and feeling discouraged when you see majority of the possible options would most likely push you over budget, which was a very high budget that was hard to go over but if you bought all the items from a high end brand it would very easily cross over. You didn’t want to let yourself be visibly stressed out in front of Johnny but you weren’t exactly hiding it very well, he could very well tell that you were about to launch yourself from the barrier right next to you onto the floors of the shopping centre below. Instead of doing that however, you just banged your head very hard onto the screen of the map in front of you, arms falling limp beside your body as you sighed in frustration. Johnny bent down below you, looking up at your face.

“What’s got you stressed out? I mean, I know what the general issue is but what is the tiny little obstacle that you are struggling with right now?” He quietly asks. You huff again, lifting your head off the map and sitting on the bench next to it. Johnny quickly follows, barely having to get up to sit down next to you.

“I’m just completely lost, everything we’ve seen so far isn’t fitting the vision I have laid out in my head, not even close to the vibe. Am I just being too picky? I don’t know. I’m just that kind of person that if I can’t have or get exactly; or even close to what I’m thinking of in my head then it just sets me off and I feel like a complete failure” You vent, not even realising that you were rambling.

“No you’re not picky, it’s good that you can come up with an exact plan and vision to follow along with in your head, it’s not a bad thing. What is bad is feeling like a complete failure if you won’t be satisfied with any other possible outcome, that doesn’t make you a failure at all. You always have other options, even if they aren’t as good as the one you have planned out. There’s always other ways to get it as well, whether it be thrift shopping or just switching the colours or patterns around” Johnny puts his hand over yours, feeling his heart race suddenly spike, “I’m here to help in any way I can, if it’ll help you be less stressed”. You just stare back at him, head blank and wide eyed. Your head’s screaming at you to lean in closer; to touch him, to kiss him, but there’s absolutely no way in hell you’re doing that. Johnny; amidst his trance of staring into your soul, didn’t realise that his gaze had fallen to your lips, not realising that something was pulling him closer, inch by inch. Thankfully (to him), an idea suddenly popped into his head. He shook his head out of his trance and stood up quickly, reaching his hands out to yours.

“Get up, I have an idea” He says excitedly. You can practically see his imaginary St. Bernard tail wagging a mile a minute. You grab his hands and hesitantly lift yourself up as he pulls you, a wary look on your face. He starts walking whilst pulling you behind him, not letting go of your hand; in fact, he was holding it tighter than necessary.

“You’re not even gonna tell me what this idea of yours is?” You say, a little out of breath trying to keep up with this long strides.

“I want to be a little bit of a surprise, but let’s just say that it will be both a break and inspiration all at once” He giggles, not even slowing down to help you catch up.

“Johnny this is stupid! It’s unfair for you to be dressing me up when it should be me dressing you up! I can’t expect you to do this for me, it’s not your project” You yell at him from inside the dressing room as if he could even hear you, he’s probably running amuck on the other side of the store with the clothes racks.

“You’re not expecting anything, I’m offering honey” He surprisingly responds, throwing clothes over the door for you, “It’s to help ~inspire~ you”. You can hear his dumb smile in his tone. You just roll your eyes in response, not realising the barely visible smile creeping onto your face due to the fact he just called you ‘honey’ and the fact that he’s just so endearingly silly. You took the clothes from him and hung them up on the side of the cubicle. “Oh, I- Are you sure this will suit me?” You stutter, feeling a different kind of nervousness rise in your stomach. “Yes, trust me. I didn’t choose just any outfit” He soothes from the other side of the door. It was a very different feel and different look to your usual outfits, you dressed more smart casual most days. In jeans and crop tops or tucked in shirts or comfy breathable pants and cute comfy jumpers or hoodies and you religiously wore sneakers, whether they be chunky and fashionable or just comfy and cute. Sometimes you wore boots if you had somewhere to be just to jazz up the vibe a little. You always dressed well and fashionable, but it was always a comfier and casual kind unless it was an event or special occasion, then you jazzed it up of course but even then it was never this stand out. You hesitantly changed into the outfit, feeling a little unsure of how you would look. However, once you saw yourself in the completed look you felt a tiny bit better about it. It was flattering but you were just worried about what Johnny would think when he sees you in a not baggy, comfy for once. He’d never seen you with an outfit that actually looks like efforts been put into it than just quickly thrown on together in the morning. You were checking yourself out in the mirror, seeing how you looked from all angles and fixing your hair, seeing how you could wear it with this outfit. You really liked it honestly, you were already envisioning what jewellery you’d pair with it and what makeup look you’d do.

“Is it on?” Johnny asks from outside, he must’ve heard your heels moving around.

“Oh-yes… Did you want to see?” You quietly respond.

“Of course I do, silly”. You gulp nervously, suddenly feeling a little self conscious as you reluctantly walk to the door of the cubicle. You unlock it and open it slightly, sticking your head out first and feeling your heart jump seeing Johnny in front of you so suddenly.

“Just keep in mind that I’m not completely dolled up right now so it might look a bit odd” You warn, but he just rolls his eyes at you with a small smile. You slowly open the door wider and step out, walking out into the hallway along the change rooms and looking at yourself in the full length mirror at the end of it. The whole time, Johnny is just watching you with wide eyes, trying to stop his jaw from falling open.

“Wow… You look stu- I mean; you look… Cool?” Johnny cringes at himself as he tries to save himself but just makes it worse. You bite your lip, trying not to laugh at his embarrassment as he turns away with a face palm.

“Thanks?” You tease. He had chosen really well, seeing yourself from this distance made it look so much better. He had chosen a two piece with a subtle black and white tartan pattern sewed into it, the bottom half being high-waisted smart trousers that ended just under your ribs and flared out just a little around your ankles; the top half being a singlet cropped just above your ribs. He also chose some plain black, shiny stilettos to wear with it. Johnny came up behind you with a hand on your hip, startling you and quickly causing a blush to form on your cheeks at the feeling of his tall, broad body against yours. He slides a blazer over one of your arms, making you instinctively lift up your other one for him to slide the jacket on. Once it’s on you adjust it and pat it down, taking the view in; the view being Johnny looking at you in front of him in the mirror in awe and you screaming internally at him towering over you (and just at his general otherworldly beauty). He was rubbing your shoulders as he smiled proudly at you in the mirror, proud of his little creation.

“Wow…” He accidentally blurts out in a whisper. You try to hide the massive grin that forms on your face. You reach up and grab his hands that are on your shoulders and turn yourself around to face him.

“This has just made me sad, I love it so much but I can’t afford to buy it since I have to get your outfit” You pout, looking up at him.

“Well yeah, that’s why I’m buying it” Johnny cheekily grins.

“Uh, no you are not” You gasp.

“Uh, yes I am. Why else would I have even had you try it on?”

“To get ~inspired~ just like you said?”

“No- well yeah, but not just that! If I’m gonna look fine as hell at the showcase, so do you”

“Oh shush, you’re already ‘fine as hell’ as is. And again, it’s about you not me”

“Okay firstly, I know but so are you. I can’t be the only one flaunting my looks and showing everyone up, I need everyone to know the girl who made me look this good is also breathtaking herself” Johnny smirks. You blush, scrunching up your face in anger that you’re lost for words.

“Okay you win, but still I’d feel horrible if you just bought me a whole out-” Johnny cuts you off.

“Just be quiet and give the clothes to me” Johnny sighs, closing the cubicle door.

You tried to race Johnny to the register and pay for the outfit yourself but all he had to do was reach out his branchy arm to cut you off and give the cashier his credit card. You huff in frustration, feeling genuinely bad that Johnny did that for you; yes, it was out of his own choice and want but you still just feel bad when anyone spends money on you. You didn’t say another word as you walked out of the store.

“Don’t feel bad please, I promise you it’s fine I wanted to cheer you up and make you feel better. I also genuinely wanted you to have a nice outfit to wear, it hasn’t affected my bank account that badly I promise” Johnny pats your head.

“I know, but I just can’t help feeling it. Thank you though, I do appreciate the gesture and to be honest I didn’t really have any outfit to wear to the showcase, I didn’t even think that far for myself yet but yes, thank you, really” You grab his free hand and squeeze it. You feel a rush in your chest, why did you do that? You try to let go as a reflex but Johnny quickly tightens his grip. The rush fades to a feeling of content and you realise, you actually do feel more ~inspired~ and calmer now, a million ideas come rushing into your head at once.

“Let’s do this!” You cheer, raising your hand with Johnny’s and jumping in excitement. Johnny, even though he almost drops the bag from the sudden fright, looks at you with such endearment in his eyes.

The showcase was tomorrow night and you were facetiming Johnny, making him suffer with you in your stress breakdown and making him go through a checklist with you to make sure both of you had everything you needed. You were going to spend all of the morning getting ready and then photoshoots, videos, setup, interviews and practice runs all day before the actual event starts. It was going to be so stressful, not to mention you had to get up even earlier to get Johnny’s outfit back from the drycleaners. You should’ve been asleep right now but instead you were running rampant around your bedroom trying to get everything ready so you didn’t forget a single thing in the morning. Johnny wasn’t even saying anything, he was all rugged up in bed, almost falling asleep watching you.

“Are you sure you have absolutely everything ready for tomorrow?” You ask for the 6th time.

“Yes, I’m sure” Johnny mumbles, struggling to keep his eyes open, “You should go to sleep, baby. I don’t want you to be sleep deprived tomorrow and even more stressed out”. He didn’t even realise that the word ‘baby’ slipped out of his mouth in his half asleep state. You couldn’t even process it properly or react due to the fact you were sorting out all the makeup you’ll need to bring tomorrow.

“I know, but if this day doesn’t go 100% perfect I’ll be so devastated” You sigh.

“Nothing’s ever going to go 100% perfect honey, and that’s okay because that’s life” Johnny slurs, eyes completely closed at this point. These nicknames were catching you off-guard and you just shoved to the back of your mind to think about when you actually try to sleep. You sigh, looking over at Johnny on your phone, he looked so cute and cosy; his cheek squished up against his pillow, causing his plush lips to be all squished up too. You felt your heart melting at the sight, maybe you should just relax a little and go to sleep. If you were sleep deprived it would just make the stress even worse, you would have time in the morning to double check everything and get any last minute things together. You needed to take care of yourself, for Johnny’s sake. You put the last of your makeup into the separate bag and cleaned it all off your bed and slid under the covers, turning the lamp off. You weren’t sure whether to hang up or not, so you didn’t. You set your alarm on your alarm clock so that you could stay on the phone with Johnny. You snuggled into your covers, smiling softly to yourself as you watched Johnny sleep, even now he’s still so beautiful. “Goodnight, see you tomorrow” You whisper as you close your eyes even though he can’t hear you, feeling a ton of emotions about the next day to come.

“Here you go” you pant as you carefully place Johnny’s Starbucks order on the counter in front of him, out of breath from rushing to the coffee shop and back. Johnny gives you a big smile as you sit back on the counter, watching the stylist touch up his hair, you had to admit you were kind of envious that she actually had an excuse to be able to touch Johnny for long periods of time. Especially when he looked so pretty; BB cream making his already soft skin look so plush and dewy, the lip tint making his already kissable & luscious lips look 100 times more so. The subtle eyeshadow on his eyes was really natural and not that noticeable but at the same time it brought his eyes out more.

“Thank you, now please relax. Everything’s going well, it’s okay” Johnny soothes, patting and rubbing your knee with his free hand as his other held his drink. He’s right, the morning had gone smoothly and his photoshoot/video was done and now he was preparing for the practice run and for the interviewers that were about to show up. Everyone at the university was using this event for their big assessments as well, the media students, the photography/ videography students, the beauty students, etc. it had actually become a pretty prestigious event over the years so a lot of people and media outlets actually showed up. You weren’t even ready yet yourself, still dressed in a hoodie and jeans for now and you probably wouldn’t get ready until you were left rushing at the last minute. The makeup artist started to touch up Johnny’s lip tint and you hate to admit that you actually felt a tiny pang of jealously fire up in you, Johnny must’ve noticed the way you were frowning while watching her do her job and he gave you a smile and wink once she’d finished.

“Don’t be stressed alright, your job is over for now. I hate seeing you so stressed out” Johnny says quietly, not wanting to disturb the stylists and other people in the room.

“I know, but I’m just nervous that something will screw up last minute or that people just won’t like the look I went with and then I’ll embarrass you as well by doing th-” You ramble on. Johnny cuts you off by quickly snatching your hand into his.

“Shh, it will be fine. Stop overthinking it, you’re great and you’ve done an amazing job” Johnny soothes again, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand. You sigh, realising that he is right, overthinking won’t do you any good and you just needed to remain calm and believe in yourself; and Johnny of course. You knew the outfit looked good, especially on Johnny, you had him try it on 5 different ways 10 different times before all this to reassure yourself it looked as good as it could.

“All models please make your way to the runway entrance and prepare yourselves for the practice run” The lady announces over the speaker suddenly, causing you both to nearly jump out of your skin.

“Okay, I’ll go and get myself dressed quickly and I’ll come and watch you” You rush as you both stand up, Johnny squeezing your hand tightly before reluctantly letting go, not letting you out of his gaze with a sweet smile as he walks backwards to the runway.

It was starting to get hectic as the show was only half an hour away now, people were running around everywhere in the dressing room and you hadn’t had a chance to see Johnny since he left for the practice run. You were all dolled up now, in the two piece and stilettos Johnny bought for you and your hair slicked back into a high pony. Your makeup was also more glamorous now along with the hoop earrings, lace choker and other more fancy-looking jewellery you had on. Your stomach turned with both intense excitement and nerves at the thought of seeing Johnny’s reaction to your new look. Thinking about Johnny, you really don’t understand how you were struggling to find him; better yet, how you lost him in the first place. He was literally the tallest person in the building. Looking at the time, you started to feel a little worried, half an hour to go and Johnny; the most prepared person, is nowhere to be found? You immediately pushed your way out of the dressing room and out into the venue. There was press and audience members everywhere and avoiding them and trying to push through them while looking for Johnny all at once was really overwhelming you. You were going to be so mad with Johnny when and if you find him. You made your way to the bar and café with no luck, you went outside to the front entrance and also outside to the creepy back area to find nothing in either of those places either. You were really starting to panic and be at a loss for where to look, you assume he was going to come back to where he was meant to be before the show actually starts, but you also didn’t want to risk it and needed to settle your nerves now. How could he do this to you when he knew how stressed you were about this? You were finally feeling calm and feeling good about how it was going to go and he does this, you’re really going to beat his ass when you see him. You go back inside and right when you enter you see the door to the staircase that takes you to the upstairs areas, would he really be hiding on a completely different floor? You would have no idea why but your gut was telling you that he was up there somewhere and you didn’t like that feeling. You felt nervous about what was about to happen even though you had no idea what it was.

You didn’t even bother checking every floor on your way up the stairs, you just went straight for the rooftop, it just made the most sense that if Johnny was anywhere up here, it’d be there; and if he wasn’t, then you’d give up. The other floors were completely empty and to be honest, quite creepy. Just not in use at all. You took off your stilettos to walk up the stairs because there was no way in hell you were going to walk up nearly 5 flights of stairs in heels, it was already hard enough with your very lacking lung capacity; you did not want to add broken ankles on top of that. When you finally reach the rooftop floor (after taking a little break to get some air back into your lungs), you open the door and walk out to the breeze instantly hitting your face. You look around to see Johnny standing near the edge, watching the view from behind the gate they had set up to stop any risk of anyone falling. As soon as your eyes find him you start angrily stomping towards him.

“Johnny Seo you’re a dead man”, he instantly turns around upon hearing your voice “how dare you just leave me stranded like that with 20 minutes now left before the show starts?!”. His jaw drops upon seeing you, eyes widening as he takes in your figure.

“Holy shit, I- you look fucking stunning” he gasps, forgetting any thoughts he had prior.

“Seriously Johnny, I’m really upset with you what the hell were you thinking? You know how much I was and am stressing over this whole thing and after calming me down and making me feel better about it you just walk off somewhere when you’re supposed to be ready? You’re really about to make not just you, but me look bad and unprofessional and jeopardise my entire course and career? I’m never forgiving you for this I’m-” You rant on, pushing Johnny’s comment and the butterflies rising in your stomach to the back of your mind.

“Shh, listen. I was going to come back if you didn’t come up here, obviously I wouldn’t just ditch the show and leave you there to clean up my mess. I knew you’d come up here to find me, it’s what I planned” Johnny reassures you, grabbing both your hands softly and rubbing the backs of them with his thumbs. You didn’t stop him.

“I-… What? What do you mean?” You say, completely lost.

“I mean; I can’t hold it in anymore. I know it probably wasn’t the best idea to just ditch you without any word…and I’m sorry for that, but as I said; I knew you’d come and find me up here and I just needed to be alone with you for a few minutes so I can get all of this of my chest. And out of my head. And just… I don’t know- I’m nervous and my minds jumbled now that you’re actually up here with me I really thought you wouldn’t find me and my heart is going to explode!” Johnny rambles on, it felt weird seeing him like this. Usually it was you doing this. You were really lost for words, just staring up at him confused and waiting for him to say what he wanted to. Exactly what you thought he was going to say. You knew exactly that this is what was going to happen before you even walked up those stairs. Your heart was racing and you felt like you were going to pass out any second. This wave of different emotions all at once was way too overwhelming. Johnny sighs, intertwining your fingers together as he pulls you closer to him as his gaze falls to the floor.

“I… like you. A lot. I have really immense feelings for you. And I hate it. Not because of you! I just fell for you so fast and usually it takes a while for me to like someone, especially this much but… You. You’re just so amazing in every way and you inspire me and encourage me. You make me feel motivated. Not to mention how cute you are”, he finally makes eye contact with you to see you biting your lip in a shy smile “so fucking cute”.  He smirks as his gaze falls back down to the floor. You let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his shoulders and intertwine your own hands behind his neck, heels still hanging from your fingers. He sharply inhales as his heart rate increases greatly, wrapping his arms around your waist as he tries to hide how flustered he was feeling by playing it cool.

“Continue” you bite your lip with a smirk, tilting your head as you make eye contact. You don’t know where this rise of confidence came from, but you like it.

“And seeing you like this, so beautiful and…sexy”, he whispers, clearing his throat “really makes my heart race and makes me feel so…. God I’m trying so hard to be cool right now but I am failing so bad”. You giggle as he sighs in embarrassment, this cute side to him that you’ve never seen before was really making your heart seize up.

“Anyways, just seeing you so stressed out this assignment was really making me so sad and knowing that I helped you feel better and calm you down made me feel so genuinely happy. Seeing you like that was really hurting me and I felt like I was just making it worse but seeing you calm down from me holding your hand, like that’s all it took, really sealed the deal for me… That I like you I mean. Especially last night when you fell asleep on Facetime with me, you really just didn’t want to hang up so badly that you got ready for bed and fell asleep on call with me? Even though I was already asleep? God, that really made my heart so tingly and warm”, Johnny smiles so big reminiscing on that moment and you blush, you don’t even really know why you did that “but yeah I. I really like you and something tells me you like me too but I don’t know… I don’t know. I hope you do like me”. His smile slowly fades; not to a frown, but a look that was waiting, no, hoping for an answer without asking a single word. You didn’t even have a chance to say your answer before your body answered for you, standing on your tiptoes and your chin lifting up to softly connect your lips with his. At first, it was just the one kiss. You pulling away quickly, afraid that you acted too quickly and scared him off, but your worries are just as quickly soothed when, after the initial shock wore off, he tightens his arms around your waist to pull you in closer as he leans down to kiss you again. Still soft but with a bit more need, leading you through the kiss as he moves his lips against yours. One of your hands unknowingly slides down to his chest, pulling him in closer by the collar of his trenchcoat. His lips were just as soft as they looked, even with a needy kiss like this they felt so soft and delicate and the feeling of them moving in sync against yours was making your head so foggy, like you were floating amongst the clouds. Johnny pulls away with a pant, having to stop himself before he gets too carried away. He rests his forehead against yours as he snakes his arms up yours, pulling your hands down and holding onto them tightly.

“I really want to continue but, there’s 10 minutes until the show starts and we’re already going to get our asses handed to us as is”, Johnny sighs, a cheeky smile forming on his face “I also don’t want to have to walk the runway with a boner”. You roll your eyes and smack his chest, threatening to throw your heels at him.

“You deserve it, this is all your fault after all, if you just waited until after the show to give me that horrible, messy confession of your feelings, we wouldn’t be in this position” You taunted.

“That’s completely fair” He nods in agreement. You put your heels back on as you grab his hand and start to walk back down the stairs.

“Just to be clear though, I would like to continue after the shows all wrapped up. Please” You stop, looking up at him halfway down the stairs. He rolls his eyes at you with a smirk.

“Of course”

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

All In Good Time

Summary: Tired of seeing his best friend wallowing in whiskey after another disappointment, he finally confesses a well-kept secret.

A/N: Written for @spnfluffbingo2019 & @spndeanbingo. Please excuse the poorly written smut, it’s been a while since venturing down that path and I was constantly distracted but things OTHER than the smut at hand. Oh well, hope you enjoy it!

Square filled for SPN Fluff Bingo: Best Friends to Lovers

Squared filled SPN Dean Bingo: FreeSpace

Warnings: Mild angst, Smut (18+ ONLY), Language

WC: 5.3K

Tags at the end of fic. Gifs not mine, credit to owners.

“Drinking that isn’t gonna make it stop, you know,” Dean said as he sat on the stool beside you.

“Stop what?” you asked without looking in his direction.

“Whatever you’re trying to forget.”

“You think you’re so damn smart, Winchester.” You did not need Dean’s brand of pep talk at the moment.

“Because I am,” he smirked. “As my best friend you should know how smart I am, and that I’m right about ninety-five percent of the time.” He finally turned to look at you and raised his brow teasingly. “If I remember correctly, last time you were throwing them back this hard, you’d been dumped by that chucklehead, Rocco. Can’t believe you dated a guy named Rocco…” he shook his head, disappointed in your past choices and drank his beer.

“Bite me,” you growled and threw back the rest of the whiskey in the glass.

You held it up for the bartender to refill and when he came to do so, Dean placed his hand over the top of the glass and slightly shook his head with a frown.  

“Dean, don’t be a dick—”

“She’s good,” he said to the bartender, who took one look at you and agreed that Dean was right.

“What the hell?! I wasn’t done,” you snapped at him, incredulous about his decision that you’d had enough to drink. “I’m not even that drunk!”

“Yeah, you are.” Dean slid the glass out of your reach, keeping his eyes locked with yours only infuriating you more.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? I’m a big girl, Dean. We aren’t fifteen anymore and you don’t need to protect me from myself or anyone else for that matter.”

WHO did he think he was, anyway? This night sucked. You got stood up for the second time by some guy you really thought could be the one. You thought he nearly perfect, and he seemed to accept your job and lifestyle as well as understood that you were a fiercely independent woman. Clearly, you’d been wrong and, so what, if you wanted to drink away the anger and hurt you felt for being duped, again.

“Me?” Dean mused, and sipped at his beer, “Oh, I’m just the guy who has been looking out for you for your whole damn life. The guy who knocked out Trent Moore when he tried to feel you up in the back of Bobby’s car. Also, the same guy who made sure that your shit-for-brains mother didn’t get you killed when she was drunk and went after a poltergeist.”

“Great, thanks for those reminders,” you moaned and turned on your stool to face the room and lean both elbows back on the bar. “Look, if you’re not gonna let me drink, lay off the trip down memory lane, okay? Not in the mood.”

“Deal.” Dean swallowed the rest of his beer and stood from the stool. “Come on then. W can shoot pool, or go watch a movie… whatever you want,” he reached out a hand to help you up, but you swatted him away.

“No! Just go, man. Let me wallow.”

“You know what… you’re a stubborn ass bitch. Fine, wallow! I’m so fucking tired of watching you do this. Oh, and next time you need a savior, sweetheart, call Sam, cause I’m done playing your white knight!”

Dean’s face was twisted in frustration, anger, and hurt, which left you confused. In all the years you had known him, he never got this mad at you before and you didn’t understand what made this time any different.

He reached into his pocket and slapped down cash on the bar, then turned and headed straight for the exit. You felt shocked and frozen in place, watching him storm through the bar and out the front door. Dean had been your best friend for most of your life, and sure there had been arguments; many, many arguments. But never had he straight up yelled at you before and it wasn’t sitting right to leave things with him like this.

You brushed your feelings of wallowing aside and found a purpose to move off the stool. The alcohol you’d already consumed made you feel lightheaded at the sudden movement, but your concern over Dean’s departure took precedence. No matter how you felt, you could not let him leave like that.

 You found him in the parking lot. He was pacing back and forth in front of the Impala; his fists clenching and unclenching in sync with his jaw. You watched for a moment, hesitant to approach him in his current state. That’s when he looked up and saw you standing there. Unsure of what to say, you just shrugged. Your mouth fell open to speak but no words would come out.

Dean’s brow was still buried in frustration that was directed straight at you. It wasn’t like him to be this angry, not over you wanting to drink away the thoughts of another disappointment. Normally he joined in, helped you to bounce back by cracking jokes and getting drunk alongside you.

“I can’t with you right now, okay?” he grunted from under his breath. “Just go back inside.”

“Dean… I’m sorry. Whatever I said…”

He snorted a laugh and bite his lip. “You’re sorry. For what? You don’t even realize what you’re sorry for, do you?”

“No, I don’t. But clearly, I did something to piss you off. I never want to fight with you, Dean. Not really fight, anyway. So, whatever it was—”

“Fine, you wanna know? Really?” his voice rose with each word, his anger come through with each decibel.

Seeing him this way, and having it directed at you was not something you’d experienced before. Afraid that the wrong thing would make him angrier, all you could do was nod. Dean drew in a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was centering himself; he’d never admit that’s what he was doing, but it was. There was nothing you didn’t know about him. At least, you thought you knew everything about it.

“Since we were sixteen years old, any job we worked together, I watched you meet someone, hook up, and then get dumped. Each time, you ended up hurt, scared, or in a predicament that me or Sam had to rescue you from.”

His words stung and you wanted to be annoyed with him; but the truth was, Dean was right. There was nothing you could say that would help, so you remained silent and let him finish.

“For years, Y/N, years… We’ve worked together, killed some evil sons-of-bitches together… we’ve celebrated and mourned. We’ve drunk ourselves silly, and bandaged each other up, countless times...”

Dean paused, his entire body sighing as it released the built-up fury he had been holding onto. He unclenched his fists and took a few steps closer to where you stood.

“In all that time, I made some of the best memories of my life. Between you and Sam, you guys were my home. Everything good I can think of is wrapped up in you and my brother. So, you’ll have to excuse me if I am tired of seeing you get like that over yet another piece of shit asshole who can’t see how damn lucky he was that you even looked his way.”

You felt your stomach drop out, not because of what he said, but because of how he looked at you when he said it. Your mind flashed through a dozen scenarios where he had come to your rescue; with guys, monsters, your own mother and had even saved you from yourself a time or two. If it hadn’t been for Dean, you would have been dead years ago.

“I—I don’t know what to say other than, you’re right,” you said softly, the whiskey and culpability was still stinging in your throat. “I shouldn’t have depended on you for so long. I put you in these terrible situations, and—”

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered and brought his hand to his face, running it over his worn features. “You’re fucking clueless…”

“What now? I’m trying to apologize and tell you that you were right! What more do you want from me, Dean? What?!” You could feel your hands starting to shake, and a bubble of your rage starting to rise and your throat now on fire from the volume of your voice. “What the FUCK do you want from me, huh?!”

People passing by were starting to stare, so you closed the small bit of distance between you, ready to unload a little more without attracting a crowd. But when you got closer, Dean started to laugh.

“What the fuck is so funny?” you asked, breathing hard through your nose trying to simmer the boil of frustration.

“You. You look ridiculous when you get angry.” He was smiling now, not quite laughing, but the grin he wore was genuine and reserved for moments with people he trusted.

“You’re bipolar, Winchester,” you huffed, trying to contain your temperament.

Dean shrugged. “Maybe. But I think its more that you just drive me insane sometimes.”

“Oh sure, blame ME for your particular brand of crazy! I don’t know what to do any more here, man. I can’t do anything right with you, lately.”

“What the Hell does that mean?” Dean asked with a flare of insolence.

“The last three jobs we’ve worked? You barked at me for no reason. You’re short with me when I ask you to stop while on the road, you constantly ride me for shit that I have zero control over!”

“Then why do you stay, hm? Why not go off on your own? Hunt alone?”

“I’ve tried! You just keep finding me and taking me along to the next job! Friends don’t let friends hunt alone, remember?!”

Dean squeezed his eyes shut and drew in a deep breath. “I need a drink,” he said and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Shouldn't have closed out the bar tab,” you muttered.

“You know what—” he lifted his head, the look of aggravation back on his face. “I’m—this is—fuck it! God, you frustrate the shit out of me!”

In a moment’s time, Dean had your face in his hands and his mouth on yours. Your first instinct was to retreat, then slap him across the face. Quickly following that, was the sudden desire to kiss him back. There had plenty of times you discreetly watched your best friend from the corner of your eye when he didn’t realize you were looking. How could you not? Dean was a gorgeous man, but more than that, he was sexy and funny. He was basically every girl’s fantasy. From his green eyes and freckles, right down to his bowlegs and boots. He was cocky and arrogant, smart as hell, and had a smile that could only be described as the devil’s handiwork. But never, in a million years, did you imagine he would have any interest in kissing you. In more than twenty years together, he never once tried nor looked at you like he wanted too; at least from what you could remember.

Dean’s lips were soft, yet he used them roughly against you. Every time you felt yourself pull back in the slightest, he continued to draw you in. You were fully immersed now, and when his mouth parted, you found yourself kissing him back just as greedily. His hand circled around to your neck and tangled up in your hair, entwining his fingers in the wispy strands and gripping them tightly. It caused a rush throughout your body; partially because of the whiskey still flowing through your veins, and partially because it just fucking felt so good.

You moaned softly into his mouth involuntarily and you felt his lips unfurl into a slight smirk. He slowly pulled away from your lips but left his hand concealed in your hair.

“Get in the car,” he growled. “Please.” It was only to try and sound like he was being polite, but there was nothing well-mannered about the way he was holding you in his gaze. That’s when he released you completely, and there was no hesitation in your decision to get into the front seat of the Impala and leave with him.

Dean followed suit and got behind the wheel. He fired up the engine and before he put his most prized possession in gear, he reached out with his right hand and gripped your thigh. Sliding you closer to him, he kissed you again, gentle and wanting, leaving his hand to rest on your leg and kneading his fingers into your flesh as if he were a cat.

Without a word, he pulled back, put the car in gear, and speed off down the road to the motel you all had been staying at.

 The motel door flew open with a bang. Dean pulled you into the room and slammed it shut so hard that it rebounded off the frame and opened again. You took a few more steps into the room he shared with Sam, though Sam was nowhere to be seen, and watched as Dean made sure the door was not only locked, but the chain was up.

You were almost afraid to speak. Dean had this look in his eyes that challenged you to say something, anything he could use to prove whatever point it was he was trying to make. But you didn’t give in. You were too nervous and excited about what was going to happen; realizing for the first time how much you had wanted it to.

He stalked you; his green eyes, now full of lust and want, were affixed to his prey. Dean moved slowly from the door to where you stood. As he crossed the room, he removed his jacket and threw it in the corner by the window. Next, his flannel came off and was tossed in the same direction. His eyes never wavering from you.

The ripple of his muscles on his arms was prominent now that his body was tense and anxious. The closer he got, the more your heart began to pound. How could you not have seen this in him before; all these years attached at the hip never once did you realize he would be looking at you the way he was then.

“I wasn’t gonna have this conversation with you in the parking lot of some dive bar,” he said, and despite the edge to his demeanor, his voice was gentle and calm. “I wasn’t gonna tell you, how many times I wanted to kill some guy who had his hands on you in some bar. Or a random joker on a case we were working, trying to get you meet them for drinks--”

“Dean…”

He ignored you. “I wasn’t going to tell you how many times I came so close to telling you that I wanted to be that guy and…” he trailed off, now directly in front of you, the arms you had just been admiring reaching out for you.

“And, what?” you managed to ask despite the lump in your throat.

Dean leaned in and kissed you again, slipping his arms around the lower part of your waist. When you felt him lift your feet off the ground, you let him and locked your arms around his neck. He took a few steps towards the bed and put you back on your feet at the foot of it.

“All those nights I watched you eyeing up any other guy but me… I was starting to resent you for it. Tonight, I finally realized that it’s my own damn fault.”

Your arms were still up around his neck, your lips a breath apart. “What do you mean?”

Dean didn’t answer at first, instead, he took your arms off his neck, and slipped your jacket off, letting it fall to the floor and kicking it out of the way.

“I got scared to tell you, that you were the one I wanted to take home every night. I should have told you. Instead, I kept quiet, would watch you go off with someone else and then I end up going home with some mediocre stand-in that never seemed to measure up to you.”

You didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t ever given you an indication he thought of you like that. Not that you had looked at the Winchesters as brothers, but there was a closeness that you felt to them; Dean especially. Anything physical felt like it would be crossing a line you couldn’t come back from. It was scary to think of life without Dean and Sam, and if you DID cross that line, it could go wrong and eventually cost you their place in your life? That couldn’t happen.

“Now you know why I wasn’t gonna let you wallow over some guy, not again. You can go if that’s what you want. Certainly not going to make you stay here, but I really want you too, Y/N. Stay tonight. Give this a chance.”

He was pleading with you now, nearly begging with the crease of his brow and the hope in his eyes. You couldn’t leave, you didn’t want too. He had been in front of you this entire time, and the only thing you wanted to forget was how many nights had been lost that you and he could have been together.

There weren’t any words that would convey what you wanted, so you took action instead. You locked in with his gaze and began to shed your layers of clothes until you stood before him in only your bra and underwear. His tongue ran nervously over his bottom lip at the sight of you while his eyes drank you in. Dean reached out and ran his fingers from your shoulder and down across your collarbone, then let them drift down your cleavage.

You took the bottom of his shirt, and pulled it up over his head, throwing it off to the side. From there, everything happened in what felt like seconds. Dean was kicking off his boots and pulling off his jeans. He had you down on the bed, laying his weight on top of you, running his hands across your flesh, and letting his mouth explore your neck. He pulled down your bra, exposing your breast to the warm air of the motel room. Dean brought his mouth to your nipple, running his tongue over it, making your entire body shiver.

His other hand ran down the length of your body, and pawed at the hem of your panties, yanking them down and finding the hood of your sex. Just the promise of his touch, caused his name to moan from your lips.

“Say it again,” he growled lowly, moving his mouth back up to your neck.

“Dean, please…”

His fingers slipped down and moved against your clit, the sensation of which was overwhelming. He moved slowly, toying with it, and with each pass against your most sensitive place, caused your back to arch up into him, and him to smile with satisfaction.

Dean moved further down, and let his fingers easily slid up into you, and the more you reacted to his touch, the more his erection grew against your leg. You dug your nails into his back, then ran them down to the boxers he still wore. Yanking them down, he looked down at you and smiled.

“Look who’s all impatient now,” he teased.

“Fuck you, Winchester,” you moaned as he thrust his fingers up into you with a bit more force making you gasp with both surprise and pleasure.

“In a minute, honey, in a minute… waited a long time for this…”

Before you could respond, Dean kissed you, hard. His tongue taking control and swirling with yours greedily. It was all too much for your overstimulated body, and you felt yourself ready to cum. Dean knew it too, he could feel the fluttering warmth of you around his hand, and it only made him insistent to continue.

You forced your head back, arching your chest up to him and cursed as he suddenly pulled his hand from you, before your release could come to fruition. He stood from the bed and let his boxers fall to the floor, before going into his jeans pocket, retrieving his wallet and pulling out the condom he kept there.

You sat up on your elbows and watched him curiously. “Look who’s mister responsibility,” you teased.

Dean shrugged but flashed that damn smirk. “Told you, been waiting for this for a long time. No way I was going to come unprepared.”

While he was taking care of the necessities, you moved further back on the bed after slipping off your bra and underwear. Dean finally climbed on the bed next to you; your heart pounding and your sex throbbing for more of him. You moved him so he was sitting against the headboard, and you straddled his lap, positioning yourself over him.

Dean’s gaze was greedy, but the animalistic lust he had earlier was gone; now he just watched you close, as if burning the memory of this night into his memory forever. As you sank down, letting his cock slide up into you, Dean’s eyes fluttered closed as his head rolled back against the headboard and his fingertips dug into your hips. It took only a second for you to start rocking against him; moving your hips in slow, methodical circles. With each pass, his mouth fell open, and his breathing intensified.

“Jesus… Fuuuuck…” he growled when you ran your nail up his chest and clasped your fingers behind his neck.

You guided his head to your chest, where he took your breast in his mouth, licking and sucking at your nipple. The faster you moved, the hungrier he became. Your head rolled back, and your overstimulated clit was pulsating with each pass you made against him. Your mind was completely lost in the moment with him; nothing before him had ever felt this good, this right… this euphoric.

His hands were beginning to grip you harder, moving you faster while his eyes opened and locked with yours. You wanted to speak, encourage him to fuck you as hard and fast as he wanted, but you didn’t have to because he saw it on your face. Your climax was rising again, and when you finally came, he did too, moaning your name and burying his head between your breasts. You could feel him throbbing inside you, matching his release with yours. Then, sighing as both of your muscles relaxed and you melted into each other.

A thin sheen of sweat coated both your bodies, as you cradled him against you. No rush to move off him, nor did he want that either. Dean lifted his head and reached his lips up to yours, as his hands slid around your waist and down over your ass.

“Worth the wait?” you asked, nearly breathless but smiling down at him.

Dean chuckled and moved his one hand up to brush a patch of sweaty hair from your brow. “And then some.”

You kissed him gently, then moved off his lap, falling to the bed beside him with a sigh of satisfaction. Dean reluctantly got up from the bed and excused himself to the bathroom. He was only gone a minute and leaped back into the bed next to you, attacking your neck with his mouth. Though you were exhausted, your body was still reeling from being with him. Forget the physical sensation, but the emotional one was all your mind could focus on now.

Dean Winchester, he had been your best friend for more than twenty years. He was the one you sought out for advice, he was your hunting partner, your drinking buddy, your partner in crime and in shenanigans. Now, was he really going to be your lover, too? Could you see yourself being with him like that? Risking a lifetime of friendship for the possibility of falling in love?

You wanted to say something, but not ruin the moment either. Instead, you just let yourself go, and tried not to think about it. Dean had the covers pulled up over you now, and rolled you onto your back while trailing light kisses along your shoulder.

“You okay with all this?” he asked, his expression turning serious.

“If you’re asking if I regret it, no, I don’t. But what is all this, exactly?”

“Whatever we want it to be. There’s no rules here, Y/N. You know, besides my brother, you’re the most important person in the world to me. And, yeah… I’ve wanted you for a long ass time. But I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“Pressured into what?”

Dean considered for a moment and tried to choose his words carefully. “Being with me. Just me. If that’s not something you want—”

“Shut up,” you interrupted and sat up on one elbow. “I’m good right here with you, Dean. Doesn’t need to be defined. I realize now all those others were just a placeholder for you, too.”

“You really mean that?”

You nodded and kissed him. “Really.”

Dean settled back into the bed and drew you into the crook of his shoulder. You laid there wrapped in his arms, just breathing him in and relishing in this sudden turn life had taken when you heard the door start to open. The chain caught it and you pulled the covers up to your neck just as Sam’s face stuck through the crack in the door.

“Dean! Come on man, let me in,” he whined.

Dean looked to you and chuckled when he saw your expression. “You good?”

You nodded slightly and sunk down into the bed, pulling the covers over your head. You barely had time to register that you and Dean just had mind-blowing sex and were now discussing being a thing, but you had to contend with Sam, too?

“One minute,” he called out, and Sam shut the door.

Dean grabbed his boxers and jeans, slipped them back on and went to let his little brother in.

“Sorry, I was uh… entertaining,” Dean smirked and raised his eyes brows in triumph as Sam walked into the room.

“Man, seriously? Can’t you get your own room for that?”

“Sorry little brother, these things can’t be helped.”

Sam looked around and saw the mess of clothes all over the floor, then noticed your breathing lump beneath the covers.

“Dean,” he said through gritted teeth. “Your company is still here.”

“She sure is.”

“Hi Sam,” you spoke up sheepishly through the blanket over your face. “How’s it going?”

“Y/N?!” he gasped, his eyes wide with shock as he whipped his head around to look at his brother, who nodded still wearing his victorious smile. “Jesus…” Sam sighed and shook his head. “Well, damn, its about damn time. Geez. I just don’t get why you guys couldn’t have went to her room?”

“What?” you asked, sitting up and uncovering your face. “What does that mean… about time?”

Sam’s face immediately blushed when he realized you were completely naked under the sheets. He turned his head and stuttered his response. “It’s—it—it’s just that… you and Dean, this has been coming for a while and—” he smacked himself in the head for his choice of words. “Dammit. You know what I mean. You know what, I’m gonna go… I can’t be here right now.”

“Take my room, Sam. Key is in my jacket pocket. And don’t worry, this doesn’t change anything. I promise I’ll still let you ride shotgun.”

Sam rolled his eyes, then quickly turned to grab your coat from the floor and retrieved the key before he made a quick exit from the room. Dean was snickering at his brother as he slammed the door behind him and could be seen nearly sprinting away down the walkway towards your room.

“So, that just happened,” you groaned and fell back to the bed.

“I wouldn’t worry about Sammy, he’ll take it all in stride.” Dean came back and laid down on top of the covers next to you. “Like he said, it’s been coming for a while.”

“In your mind, maybe,” you said quietly and cast your eyes away from his scrutiny. “I never thought you even considered me like this. You were always eyeing up some other girls, talking about this one or that one…” you shrugged, and sat up straight against the headboard.

“I was trying to make you jealous. Guess I was too much of a coward to just be upfront about it,” he paused and swallowed hard. “You were it, though. The one I always thought that would be there in the end.”

“Is that what this is? The end?”

“End of one thing, beginning of another,” he smiled and leaned over to leave a kiss on your shoulder. “Still friends though. That’s always gotta come first because no matter what, you’re stuck with me.”

You felt an odd sense of relief in knowing that this friendship cultivated over two decades would remain and come first. “I can handle that.”

“Good. Now. Can you handle getting your clothes back on? You see, this chick I’m sleeping with distracted me from the burgers on the menu at the bar and I’m starving. She was being a sloppy drunk, I had to get her home--”

You raised your fist like you were going to punch him and he rolled away from you. But your arm hooked around his waist in time to prevent him from getting off the bed. You forced him back to where he was and quickly straddled him again. That look of lust was already back in his eyes as you grabbed his wrists and pinned them back up against the headboard.

“I may have been drunk, but I can still pin your ass down.”

“Unfair advantage when you’re naked and I’m weak-willed.”

You dove down to his neck and left a rough, biting kiss there. “Still want that burger?”

He shook his head and a mischievous gleam glistened in Dean’s eyes. In one swift motion, he had you flipped on your back while he hovered over you and used part of his weight to hold you down. He trailed his mouth down your chest and across your abdomen and positioned himself between your legs. Still sensitive from your first encounter with him, the touch of his tongue against your clit caused a whole body shiver to course through you.

“Fuuck, warn a girl, would ya?” you mewed as your hands gripped each side of his head to try and control him as he lavished your sex with his tongue.

Dean wrapped his arms under your thighs and then pinned them open further, giving him as much access to you as he could get. Your hips moved with him, your moans louder and louder with each pass of his teeth and tongue. This time when you finally came, he refused to let go, drinking you in until your body went limp with exhaustion.

You watched him through the hazy afterglow, sit up and wipe his face clean with the sheet, leaving behind only that triumphant grin.

“Now, I’m ready for that burger,” he winked. “Wanna grab a shower with me real quick? Go find some grub?”

Still, in a daze from everything, you were able to give him a smile and nod, because words just wouldn’t come. Dean helped you up off the bed but held into your hand for a moment.

“Still feel good with all this?” he asked, his features softer than normal.

“Yeah, Dean. More than good. Best I’ve felt in forever, actually.”

“Alright then. Shower, burgers, bed,” he said, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder as he walked towards the bathroom. Though you playfully smacked at his back to put you down, you never wanted him to let you go. You never wanted to spend another night without him.

Everything tags: @kazosa // @sorenmarie87 // @lefthologramdeer // @his-paradox // @letsby // @thefaithfulwriter // @sister-winchesters99

Supernatural tags: @wings-of-a-raven // @negans-wife // @mrsbarnes-rogers // @teller258316 // @spnhollis // @sweet-things-4-life // @hobby27 // @sweetlythoughtfulbird // @theoriginalvicki // @dreamchester67 // @xxwarhawk // @babykalika2001 // @superwhovainfangirl // @toobusynerdfighting // @missihart23 // @idreamofplaid // @thewinchesterchronicles // @waywardgypsy // @closetspngirl // @fatestemptress // @rebelminxy // @22sarah08 // @witch-of-letters // @cole-winchester // @rainflowermoon // @adoptdontshoppets // @waywardvalkyrie // @fandomoniumflurry // @blackcherrywhiskey // @jessieray98 // @lyoly // @a--1--1--3 // @31shadesofbrown // @whereismyangel-damnitdeanshare // @pilaxia // @screechingartisancashbailiff // @kgbrenner // @holylulusworld // @deansenwackles // @jamielea81 // @coffeebooksandfandom // @logical-princey // @gemini0410 // @salt-n-burn-em-all // @collette04 // @mrswhozeewhatsis // @deathofmissjackson // @lauravic // @akshi8278 // @katehuntington // @81mysteriouslyme 

[fencheto]

Forbidden - part 2 (Dimon romantc)

The story can also be found on Wattpad You can find the first chapter here Feedback is greatly appreciated. It has been a little over three weeks since I moved in my dorm and started my studies at the Uni. Although I am still quite ‘green’ as the graduates would call it, I actually started to get used to my new life here and I do like it. It feels freaking good to be meeting tons of new people who know nothing about you and have never met you before. I’ve gotta say that Chelle and I have really hit it off and get along quite well, too. We go out at the discos every weekend and it’s been a great fun to get lose with her. She is one pretty crazy gal, can talk about the weirdest shit ever and wouldn’t even bother. We usually go out, pass by some fast food chain to grab a bite, then leave for the big alcohol smash and return to the same restaurant spot to eat afterwards again. Don’t ask me why, it just is that way every time. It is now 10 AM on a Sunday morning and at this point my hangover is killing me for real. And the sunlight piercing through the windows doesn’t help at all, so I just cover my eyes with my right arm. I can’t help but wonder why every time after a good night out, the next morning feels like a payback? A few minutes later and I get this really irritating feeling of having to pee right on this instant. I groan tiredly at the idea of getting up and although that’s the last thing I feel like doing right now, my full bladder wins, so I slowly waddle my way to the bathroom. The smell of cigarettes and alcohol is everywhere, my clothes smell, my lingerie smell; even my skin has soaked it up. I’m in a desperate need of a shower, so this is the priority task on the to-do list now. I do my job on the toilet in what feels like a slow motion and collapse back onto my bed. Despite all the drinking and partying there was still no puking or anything, so good job Demetria, I tell myself. Sleeping on doesn’t seem possible right now so instead I grab my phone and start scrolling over my social media. Most of the stuff I see is memes and photos from the party last night, so I quickly run through the galleries. I zoom over every picture that I am tagged in and fortunately for me, I look more or less decent in them. I decide to go through my own camera snaps in search for something new to upload on my profile, but the majority of the pics are either vague or too dark, so I drop it. In the mean time the phone buzzes in my hands and I notice a messenger head pop from Marissa, my best friend back home. I click onto the icon to have a look on what she says. “Wazzzzza girllll, is everything alright with u there? Give me a call when u see that.” I chuckle to myself and dial her number. I haven’t talked to her in a good six days, being busy with the project we got from the uni or going out on the free days. When I got admitted for my studies she was a bit upset that I was leaving, so we promised each other to keep in touch and share a lot with the latest news and gossips going around. After 3 beeps, she picks up. “Yoooooo, wat up, chicka?” “Took you long enough to answer, eh?” – I teased her. “Haha come off it, I was in the bathroom” – She replied, laughing. “Oh well, since when aren’t you bringing it with you in there?” “Since I dropped my brand new Galaxy S in the loo last year, remember?” – We both started laughing at the memory of it. “Oh yeah, right, I now remember this masterpiece of yours. How are you, what’s going on?” – I asked. “Well nothing much to be honest. I’ve been bored as fuck lately with uni, work, you know how it is. “ “Awwwwwee, does someone miss me and my trolling comments?” – I mocked her again. “You wiiiiiish lol. But yeah, I do. Nobody here is up for anythi-i-i-ing, so I’m living a retiree’s life now I swear.” – She complained. I chuckled at her whiny voice. “So tell me, what’s new around you? Haven’t talked to you in like a week” “Yeah sorry, I’m still overwhelmed with everything here, lessons, parties, classmates, all of that” “Anything in particular? Like, tell me are there any hotties going around those lessons, parties or classmates?” – She asked cheekily. Always the first one to ask about that. “Well, there are some going around, not gonna lie. But hey, there’s still Rob, in case you have forgotten already”. – I remind her, even though I’m technically single already. “I thought you guys broke up?” “Well, we did, but I promised him I’m not gonna hook up with anyone here, so” “Oh come on Demi, you are so far away. You don’t expect to never like anyone for the next few years there, do you? The same goes for him.” “Marissa, I’m not saying it is impossible but I have no desire for it whatsoever now.” “I think you are over-doing it here. I mean that’s why you guys broke up, so that you both see if you love each other enough to not like anyone else. What you’re doing is different, though.” “And how exactly is it different?” “Well, you should check if you will like someone else, but what you are doing is trying not to like someone else.” – She explained in her serious tone. “You’re wrong. But you know, there isn’t anyone so far anyway.” “We will see about that. Anyway, let’s cut the shit, give me some highlights or I don’t know, some spicy stuff from Berklee now please, I’m so bored” I guess it was no surprise that my mind immediately wandered over to Simon. I mean that was surely one of the highlights and unfortunately, probably the most embarrassing moment so far during my month of stay here. And the cringer part is, one: he is my lecturer and second: I still find him very attractive. Too much for what is acceptable for a student. As if any of this is acceptable at all, I thought to myself. “Demi? You there?” – I heard Marissa ask on the line. “Yeah, sorry, I just got carried away a bit there…– I replied. “But alright…since you’ve asked, I’m gonna tell you about it… there was this really cringy thing that happened to me” – I trailed off. “Yes?” “But don’t mock me too much about it, alright?” “God, Is it that bad?” “Not my greatest move by far” “Okay, now I really want to know. What’s up?” – She asked curiously. “Ehm, I was basically... you know… ehm so the other day, when I was going to school and was just crossing the street, a car nearly hit me and so it stopped right next to me, stirring the wheels and all” “Jesus, are you okay?” – She asked worriedly. “Yeah yeah, don’t worry, nothing happened. Anyway, the thing is I was running late so I got mad at the driver. Called him a fool and kicked the bumper, like not that hard but still…” I heard her laughing on the other end of the line. “Why am I not surprised?” She kept on laughing. “And, what happened afterwards?” “Well, I kept walking my way, got to the Uni and all and long story short, it turned out the driver of that same car was also my lecturer…” “HAHAHAHAHA, Oh my God, are you serious?” – She was laughing hysterically. “Yup” – I replied, not believing it myself, shaking my head. “Oh my God, I’m literally gonna pee myself here.” – She said through what sounded like tears from laughter. “So much for a friend’s support” – I replied ironically. “Oh come on Dems, it is funny.” – Her laughter was only confirming my fears of how bad it was. I couldn’t blame her though; perhaps I would have laughed just as much. “Hey, come on Dems, I’m sorry okay. But Jesus, tell me about bad luck there. Did he recognize you later on in the class?” – She asked much calmer this time. “Yeah, he did and he told me he knew it was me. I was so embarrassed, Marissa, you have no idea…” “I get it hun, and I’m not gonna lie to you, Dem, that’s pretty embarrassing. But it’s not like you wanted to offend him, I mean you didn’t know it was him so he shouldn’t take it close to heart.” – She said. “I know, but still, I felt like the dumbest ass over there, seriously.” “Ehm, did you, like, apologize?” “I tried, but he didn’t let me. Once he was done talking he left the room so I couldn’t.” “You have pissed me him off, Dem. It is understandable. He will get over it, don’t worry about it. Maybe just try to say sorry when you can.” “Do you think that will fix it?” – I asked hopeful. I now got a feeling that I probably cared more than I should, but more importantly, more than I thought I did. “Well, even if it doesn’t, that’s all you got.” “I guess you are right...” “I am. So just breathe now and don’t think about it anymore alright?” “Yes. Thanks hun, feeling better now to be honest.” “You welcome. We all make mistakes, I doubt it that he never made one.” I silently agreed with her. “Hey Dems I gotta go now, so I will talk to you later chicka.” “Alright, drop me a line when you can.” “Will do. Byeee” “Bye”. And I hang up. It always feels better after sharing your worries with a close friend. Marissa was surely the only person who knew so much about me, both good and bad stuff. Mostly bad, I mean nobody hides the good part, do they? I dropped my phone on my left side and thought about my convo with her. She did try her best to calm me down and most likely has sensed I was worried about it. Not something quite typical, but she didn’t give it a second thought, at least while talking and I was thankful for it. The thing is, I really don’t know if I care so much because I fancy him somehow or because I am still pretty ashamed of what I did. I thought about what she told me regarding Rob as well. That it is not only dependent on me if we will stay true to each other, but on him too. That was one thing that didn’t really cross my mind so far, and it did incent my doubts. Not that I didn’t trust him or anything, it is just that by now I have kept my focus on what I am doing and never actually thought that it is not just me and what I am doing here, it is about us both. And it is scary. Did he love me? Well, he told me he did. Did I love him? I think I do. I mean I’ve been in love with him for the past few years that should mean something right?? Whilst on theory everything seems to be working just fine, it surely isn’t as simple. I need time to think, and I should surely have it figured out by Christmas, when I will be going home for the holidays. I played a bit with my fingers and heard Chelle moving around in the bathroom. I was surprised she has woken up just now, it is already almost 11 AM and she usually handles hangovers much better than me. I heard her shutting the syphone and then knocking on my door quietly. “Hey Dems, got a minute?” – She called from outside. “Yep, come in” – I said, still curled up under my covers. She came in and sat on the verge of my bed, next to my feet. “Hey, still lying in bed I see.” – she smiled and poked me on my shoulder. “Noo, I’m awake, but just talked on the phone with my friend for like an hour” – I explained still sleepily. “I know. I heard you telling the story about you, Mr. Cowell and your intriguing acquaintanceship to someone.” – She laughed at the memory. Chelle was the first person I shared this with, she was in the dorm when I got home from that embarrassing class and sensed something was up. She then asked me and I told her about it. “Yeah, don’t even mention it, I’m still so embarrassed.” – I said, hiding my face in my pillow. “Oh come on Dems, we talked about it. It’s over already, you can’t do anything to change it.” – She shrugged her shoulders. “I know Chelle, but it is just so bad…” “It is not the end of the world, Dems. To be honest I thought you were over it by now, you haven’t mentioned it lately.” “Well yes, because I haven’t had classes with him ever since, but guess what – next week I will.” – I said kind of irritated. “Right, I heard he was back in the states from his work in Britain the other day too.” – She said. “He is like the buzzing topic among the girls here.” “Having in mind even you have heard something, he surely is” – I laughed and she followed too. “Come on, let’s go out and have some food. Just let me take a quick shower.” – I added, running to the bathroom already. “Okay, 20 minutes and we’re going” – She replied, jumping off my bed and going to her room. I guess it is time to get this Sunday finally started.

[myupostsheadcanons]

I know you @highwayham asked about DBD headcanons on another blog... I’ll get to that soon.... I was working on this one for you the past week....  So I am quite ahead of the game.

My personal headcanons for all the DBD killers.

(gets a bit fanfic-ish in places, but damn my fan fic writers soul. (i haven’t done the final proofing, but go me) )....

  The Doctor

The Anti-Freddy.

Herman’s madness and electro-shocks automatically wake people up/take people out of Freddy’s dream realm.

It is nearly physically impossible for him to go to sleep.

Water is his weakness. Submerging him in enough water would burn out his own powers. It will put him in a coma if he is fully charged when submerged.

Herman didn’t think Freddy was real for the longest time. He thought Freddy was some made up joke the others were pulling on him. Or some Invisible Man that the others were putting too much stock in.

When he isn’t driving through crazy town, he’s generally snobby, rude, haughty, and uptight. He has this air of acting “better than you” that drives most of the other killers bonkers.

OCD... the only killer that manages to keep his whites mostly clean on a trial.

Herman and Myers especially don’t get along. His madness powers would make The Shape’s voice in Myers head louder and angrier. And The Doctor being a Psychiatrist rather than a Medical doctor didn’t help either.

Herman and Evan often fight over who’s in charge. Evan is loud and violent, and easy to ignore. The Doctor is more demanding and a perfectionist, on top of being sadistic, so more people still side with Evan.

The Nurse

Sally doesn’t like that her “role” among the group is being the nanny.

The Trapper will call her “The Nanny” instead of “The Nurse” (she makes sure to give him extra scares by casually hiding behind corners on him)

In fact, The Trapper is perhaps her most frequent patient.... for stepping in his own bear traps.

The Nurse and The Doctor kind of get along. She was so use to having to deal with asshole men doctors while she was alive... what’s one more now that she’s dead?

Her, The Doctor, The Hag, and The Clown handle most of the medical needs among the group. (The Hag knows Apothecary, The Clown has some understanding in that field as well and helps the two women make any meds. The Doctor has enough knowledge through his experiments on humans and medical school to help, but isn’t as skilled/knowledgeable as The Nurse)

The Spirit

Rin didn’t understand English when she first arrived. Julie (The Legion) knew some Japanese because of being a massive weeb, and tried to help translate pieces of what was being said to the others. (often just fucked up on the translation completely.. basically think Lopez from RVB. or Peggy Hill levels of bad)

Rin is polarizing. One moment she is calm, collective, and interested in being around people... the next she’s screaming at everybody, even those that did nothing, and would even attack other killers.

The Spirit often hangs around The Nurse, neither talking to one another. If she’s not creeping on other people in the group.

Work is too much.... work.... When it comes to doing chores or requests, she would suddenly vanish or be last in line.

Rin tends to creep on Myers the most. She likes that Myers doesn’t talk, or give a shit... and she saw him without his mask a few times.... so...  long siiigh.... (he’s just confused by her)

She fucking hates Freddy... He grabbed her inappropriately only once and she kicked his ass... he’s been leaving her alone now.

She doesn’t like The Doctor either. Outside of being pushy and treats her like a pest: his powers make her even more unstable and volatile.

The Wraith

Unless the killer is a colossal Asshat, he’ll get along with them. (Basically, The Doctor, Freddy, The Legion, and The Spirit are among his “doesn’t get along with” list)

He’s been around The Trapper the longest out of the killers so he’s use to Evan’s brand of Asshattery.

Him and Amanda tend to casually hang around with each other the most. He knows where the best stuff in the scrap yard is and they have similar interests in tinkering. (mlm and wlw solidarity)

Bubba, Max, and Evan come to Phil and Amanda whenever their equipment needs to be fixed.

Phil also likes to spend time with The Hag. He talks to her about the magic he learned from his homeland and helps her gather herbs.

He really just wants to be useful.

The Hag

Lisa knows the most about herbs and plants. Which ones are safe to eat, or what effects they cause when ingested. The Clown likes to get her advice when making new potions.

The Hag, The Huntress, Bubba and The Hillbilly are in charge of the Homestead end of things. (Farming and Cultivating... growing food, animal husbandry and butchering... Actual cooking the meals is on rotate among all the killers (at least those that at minimum know how to boil water)).

Lisa knows Rune Crafting, and recognizes that Myers has a spell/curse placed on him. She doesn’t tell any of the other killers she knows this.

Her Teleport spell can pull Freddy out of the dreamworld... if she has hold of him when she activates it. She almost did it twice, but he managed to break her grip and is staying away from her now.

The Nurse, being a super natural creature, is more accepting of The Hag’s witchcraft, apothecary, and homeopathy than The Doctor is.

The Hag and The Doctor get in frequent arguments based on their different world views.

The Trapper

The “Bad Boss” of the group.

Is an ass to anybody that doesn’t do what he wants.  (One part, Biff Tannon, One Part Al Bundy)

The other killers often forget that he is book-smart (came from a rich family, actually went to collage) because of how big of a douche bag he acts.

Evan relies too much on the few people that know what they are doing to do everything (The Nurse, especially)

Evan’s orders are easier to shirk/get around, because they are often bad orders that make no sense. It also doesn’t take much to “suck up” to him and get him to forget about something they’ve did wrong. Which is mainly why people side with him over The Doctor. 

His “cronies” are The Hillbilly and The Clown, and (with some arm twisting) The Wraith and Bubba.

He’s mainly buddy-buddy with The Clown because Kenny makes the best fucking bathtub gen in the realm.

He becomes a CHAD-DORK around Amanda (She knows this, is not interested in him, but gets him to do whatever she wants).

He is very particular when it comes to self-grooming. When he is not “working” / killing he likes to keep himself clean. He showers twice a day, and spends a lot of time shaving... to the point he’s practically bald all over his body.

He uses a straight razor to shave, a very sharp one.

He gets annoyed when the other killers don’t groom themselves on a regular basis. He understands it is dirty work, but there is a time and place to be dirty. (zombies and undead not withstanding, being dead/rotting can’t be helped).

The Huntress

She’s the most “efficient” of the non-magical killers.... all aside from:

Her near-constant singing and talking would annoy some of the Killers (who believe silence was the key), until they saw her sling a hatchet and down a survivor. 

She has no personal-space bubble. Will kiss people on the cheek/mouth in greeting (if they don’t flinch/push away from her)... it surprises most of the others that first time because it isn’t a common practice in America, where most of the killers are from, nor in modern society outside of one’s actual family.

Doesn’t shave.  She thought it was an odd grooming custom when she was watching Amanda shaving her legs and armpits in the bath. Men only shave/trim their beards cleanliness. She sees no reason for a woman to shave.

Anna goes out of the way to talk to the “outliers” of the Killer Group. (The Spirit, Myers, The Legion, and Bubba). Even if it is just to say “Hello.” and get no response in return.

Anna has child-like interests. Likes to talk about fairy tales and folk legends. Collects odd knickknacks (buttons, paper clips, caps off pens, pieces of ribbon, beads, rocks...). Play dress up with other Killer’s clothes (try on their masks and play with their weapons). She jumps in mud puddles and catches bugs/small animals with her bare hands to show others.

She first caught Bubba and Myers attention by showing them a frog she caught and pulled its legs off in front of them (Bubba then ate the frog). Myers was just...enthralled...  he was going to kill the frog if she handed it to him and she just did it.

From then on Bubba liked to join her on any weird quests she would have (like as if he was her little big-brother). The Wraith would follow to make sure they aren’t getting into trouble.

The Huntress got pretty good at guessing what Bubba is saying. It helped that when she first came here she didn’t know English and had to often pantomime what she wanted to the others as well.

She wants to be a helper, but her brand of help tends to lean towards “s-mothering”....

The Hag, The Clown, The Wraith, The Nurse, The Pig, and The Doctor are the ones she actually treats like her elders....

The Trapper and The Hillbilly are on “peer” level with her. Myers was... until she realized he was a walking disaster, and actually knew the least out of the whole group.

So... The Legion, Myers, Bubba.... she latched onto them as her special “projects”

(The Spirit and Freddy are in the “no” zone)

The Hillbilly

Is a slow talker and mumbler, but not dumb (actually he’s rather average, just uneducated. he believes he is stupid because he was told he was his whole life)

He can’t hear out of one ear because of his deformities and the loud chainsaw. People often have to repeat things because of that.

Max could be found either at The Trapper’s side, or at the homestead in the barn with the goats and pigs (he feels safe in there)

He makes Amanda new pig masks when ever they get old or damaged.

The Hag watches his back, making sure the others don’t treat him poorly. 

Max and Bubba do get along, even though it is difficult for Max to understand what Bubba wants.

The Legion tend to antagonize him and Bubba at the same time with their trivial prattling about Max being a “rip off”.

The Clown

Is the actual “boss” of the group, but doesn’t claim to be. Even though he knows damn well he is.

Kenny would hear what the Trapper wants done, and often tweak the orders to be more feasible when relaying them to the others.

Kenny’s big loud personality stood out. He was better at working a crowd than Herman and Evan.  

He can get the more “outlying” killers to listen to him.

He got where he was because he showed up rather late in the game. Nothing was getting done, there was little to no cohesion among the factions. Half the team barely listened to The Trapper, the other Half tended to do whatever the hell they wanted.

He managed to get The Legion to act less like little shits to the rest of the killers all the fucking time.

Myers would trail behind Kenny, or low-key stalk him. The Clown could never manage to pin him down to confront him about it. The others told him not to bother. After The Legion came, Susie eventually told him it was because Myers really liked clowns as a kid. Kenny began to think of Myers as a  “stray cat.”

The only killer that Freddy actually kind of likes and would take “requests” from. They both have a dark sense of humor and are practical jokers. The Clown’s potions also make people easier to put asleep. (Kenny just knows not to be a total dick to your “coworkers” or you’ll be spinning your wheels in the mud the whole time)

The Legion

For the longest time the four of them stuck together, not interacting with the other killers outside of being trolls or antagonists to them.

Frank and Julie were the “spokes persons” whenever they had to make “demands” to the other killers.

They did not to approach any of the killers alone.

The Spirit was the first of the killers to hang around with them as a “friend”. They were close to her age (of death) and as condescending as she was. They also helped her with her English.... kind of.

Myers and Freddy had tried to “pick them off”....

With Myers, they over stepped their boundaries when it came to his comfort zone and he wanted to get rid of them. He knocked Frank unconscious, broke Joey’s arm, and was about to moire Julia before Anna and Bubba were able to pull him away (Susie ran to get help).

Freddy did so for his own sadistic pleasure. After several days of sleep deprivation, and Susie needing to be waken from a coma:  The Doctor and The Nurse eventually stepped in to get Freddy to leave them alone.

The Huntress and The Clown took responsibility of The Legion after the attacks (Along with Myers, Bubba, and The Spirit... all those in need of “special attention” or those that are in the habit of isolating themselves (it is also why Kenny became “frenemies” with Freddy, to keep him from completely turning on the group))

The Legion’s love of Slasher Movies made them experts on Lore regarding Bubba, Myers, OG Freddy.... only up until the mid-90′s.... they never got to see the Halloween reboots: H20/Res, or even the RZ remakes, nor FvJ, Jason X or the Remakes of F13 and Elm Street. They think Amanda was another one of the “in house” killers like The Trapper, The Wraith, and The Nurse.

They never been in a Hot Topic. Because there wasn’t one where they lived.  Most of their gear was stolen from concerts, bikers, and sports supplies stores.

The Internet was barely functional in the 90′s... to hear Amanda talk about modern technology and smart phones in the 2010′s, it is moon speak to them. (it is moon speak to most of the killers)

The Plague

“Avoid like The Plague” became serious business.

She only speaks Ancient Mesopotamian. Refuses to lower herself to speak the tongue language of these barbarians.

Freddy’s the only one that can communicate with her due to conversations in the “mind/dream” realm being more mental-emotion based than literal-verbal language based.

She still treats him like he is a worm and a viper. Does not trust anything he tells her.

Prolong exposure to her presence will cause sickness and wounds to become infected more easily.

She was banned from being around their social/common spaces, and food and water sources by the other killers due to her infectious presence.

Spends most of her time at the killer camp encased in a tomb in isolation.

Bubba

Best cook (don’t question the mystery meat...)

Anna is like the cool sister he always wanted. She’s nice to him, looks after him, and can skin a whole dear in under 20min.

Bubba doesn’t like The Legion. They would tease him more than the others. It doesn’t take much for him to go into a tantrum, or run off and cry, so they saw an easy target. (They knew when the fucked up when Anna has to get involved.... we’re sorry team mom.)

The Nurse and The Spirit scare him. He gets the heebie-geebies every time they look at him. Freddy is the worst.

Amanda

Amanda has a crush on Anna, but Anna is so obvious.

She tried to be nice to The Legion when they first arrived, but they were too immature and antagonistic.

The Wraith’s cloaking is about the extent of “supernatural” she could handle. It took her a long time not to freak out over The Nurse and The Spirit still creeps her out. Freddy... lives up to his name as The Nightmare.

At least most of the killers are just big men... she could handle dealing with men.

She is aware that there is a rivalry over her between some of the men. Phil, she’s pretty sure he’s gay, even if he won’t say it... But Evan, Max, and Herman are always trying to do favors for her...  (she suspects it is because she’s the most ‘normal’ adult woman among the sausage party)

She stays clear of Myers out of principle. She watched the Halloween movies, knows what he is capable of and that reason rarely worked with him. If she had him in a proper trap-house, he’d be at her mercy, but roaming free like this? no.

Her and The Clown only sort of get along. He’s too loud and handzy, like an old drunk at a bar. She put his arm in a trap that he couldn’t break free of. He had it on for three days before he apologized to her.

Freddy

The best scout... rarely does it though.

Freddy was better at avoiding any chores around the compound than Rin and Myers... until The Legion let slip that Freddy was a gardener/grounds keeper in his past life...

He used his powers on all the killers, at least once, just to test their reactions or to see what was inside their minds. Those with traumatic pasts were easy to get to.

Those that couldn’t fight back he stayed on them longer.

Until they started grouping up against him.

The Nurse, The Spirit, and The Doctor became the “vanguard” against his meddling. They could either physically attack him in the dream world or cancel out his powers all together. (The Doctor could even pull people out of a coma)

He isn’t friends with any of the killers. The Clown is the closest, and that’ll be an associate/coworker at best.

Freddy knows what The Clown is doing, and his dislike of The Doctor and the incompetence of The Trapper made him more willing to follow along with Kenny setting himself up as a back-door boss.

Michael

Was the last of the killers to “crack” and come into the group (stalking and observing didn’t count)

Nobody knew what his name was until Amanda showed up. He was just “The Shape” to them. “Holy shit! That’s Michael Myers!” 

Nobody knew his Middle-Name until The Legion wouldn’t stop calling him “Audrey”

He ignores Evan and Herman, more so when they get into cockfights over leadership. They both tried to “appeal” to him at some point to join their side.

Within the first two nights of coming to the realm, he got into a fist-fight with Evan, they both ended up rather bloody and beaten out of it. They even managed to pull their masks off in the fight. At the end of it, Evan was all “You’re just some punk kid. You ain’t worth my time.” and left Myers to his isolation after that.

Herman showed up in the realm after Myers. He introduced himself, got nowhere with the questions, and began to preach at him about “dissociative disorders”.... things Myers heard far too much about from the doctors at Smiths Grove. But this doctor was dangerous, and he only had to be hit once by the doctors madness effect to realize not not to start a fight with him and to keep his distance if possible.

There was something about The Hag’s magic that sends him on edge. It makes the hairs prickle the back of his neck whenever she activates a teleport (he didn’t even have to hear or see it go off... he’d just know) . There was a lot of things about The Hag that The Shape part of his brain responds to, like they knew one another somehow....

When all the killers go on team missions, The Clown would be assigned to keep an eye on Michael (not necessarily to work as a team, but for buddy-system safety reasons). Kenny would often address him as “My Boy” instead of his name or “The Shape” ... Michael doesn’t mind it too much.

They first tried teaming The Spirit up with Myers, but he would refuse to work with her and she took every opportunity to shirk responsibilities (she basically reminded him too much of Judith)... so nothing got done.

Freddy once attempted to put Myers to sleep, it only put the “Michael” part to sleep, but The Shape fully took over and went into berserker mode. (The Trapper, The Hillbilly, The Doctor, The Nurse, and The Huntress were needed just to pin him down and they had to lock him up until he passed out)

Myers almost drowned once (the survivors had a water trap made for The Doctor, when they set it off it dropped half the killers into a lake along with it. The Doctor managed to get a hold of The Hag and Teleport out of the way). Anna had to drag him out of the water and give him mouth-to-mouth. She was then determined to teach him how to swim. (after he got over the pneumonia from having his lungs full of dirty pond water). He found the whole thing embarrassing... especially the lessons, having to be half necked in the water with Anna, who only had a pair of shorts on and had her arms around him....ffffff.... not to mention The Spirit was watching....fml.

Because of that, Anna was the first person he said something to in 15 years (even if it is 90% “yes” and “no”... everybody (besides The Legion) thought he was mute, but when Anna asked “can you breathe?” and he gagged out a “yes” it surprised them all.)

She convinced him to eat meals around the others more often after that. He stuck close to Anna, Bubba, and Kenny the most. He didn’t mind The Wraith that much either... Still don’t like The Spirit. And he only goes around The Nurse if he has to  (after a week being sick and in Sally’s care... he’s just done with ghosts.... Rin, Sally, Freddy.... gtf away)

He would be one of the better killers, if he didn’t play around so much with his kills. Anna showed him how to kill people/animals faster... it actually made him play with them even more because he then knew what to do to prolong the process.

Myers and Anna are both Bi-Ace.... love and friendship isn’t in Myers vocabulary... they got stuck in an endless “repay a favor” loop after her rescuing him and giving him lessons.

They have to work around each other when on a hunt. He personally thinks she is too noisy and annoying on a hunt, and she thinks he takes too long fooling around. (he often has to change his killing style to go around hers, which he does not like to do).

When they are paired together on a mission, they would eventually start fighting with each other... it startled the survivors when they heard Myers tell her to “Shut. the. FUCK. UP!” about the singing and telling him to hurry up.  She then got so mad she was cursing him out in Russian... The Survivors still joke about them being an old married couple.... to their faces even. Laurie especially).

[lovelylunarwriting]

Kihyun Soulmate!AU

It’s never been an out of the ordinary thing for you to run by the nearest grocery store after work to grab some junk food before you go home for the day, but tonight’s particular junk food run is something you’ll remember for the rest of your life.

You take your time, strolling aisle by aisle, grabbing this and that- tossing everything into your basket.

It's around 11 pm and very visibly dark outside, but under the florescent lights of the store, you aren’t particularly concerned. Walking back out to your car once you finish shopping will be a whole different feeling though.

In the store, there’s only you and maybe two or three other people, including the older woman at the checkout counter.

Some guy walks down the same aisle as you, the two of you briefly glancing at one another in passing. He’s cute, but you don’t think much of the encounter and move onto the frozen aisle for icecream. Food was the goal here, not beautiful strangers.

For some reason, the grocery store by your home always plays the weirdest and oldest music- not your cup of tea. Granny up front at the register is probably the one behind that, but either way, you always make sure to have earbuds on hand so that you can listen to music more suited to your taste.

Which also leads to dance breaks in the middle of the cereal aisle every once in a while but hey- you’ve only weirded out like two people over the years so it’s fine. And they awkwardly shuffled away anyway, allowing you to continue to groove by some Fruit Loops.

Deciding that you’ve gathered enough junk food and drinks, you make your way to the only open register, run by an older woman named Mary Sue, the name clearly printed in red cursive writing on her name tag.

“Mary Sue, why do you always work so late at night? Will they not give you the day shift?”, you ask, making cheerful small talk as she scans your items and puts them delicately in bags. You always take out your earbuds to talk to Mary Sure.

“Oh sweetheart, don’t you fret! I request to work the nightshift- that’s when all the exciting things happen. People watching has always been one of my favorite things, and all the odd balls come out at night. No offense to you and your dancing, sweetie”, she explains.

She has a point about your sporadic dancing so you can’t really be mad about it.

As she rings up one of your many cup ramen, the sleeve of her work shirt slides up to reveal her soulmate tattoo.

You: “‘I’ll take a side of that ass’? What’s the story behind that?”

Mary Sue: “I worked at a fast food joint back in my younger days, and it was a required part of my job to ask ‘would you like fries with that?’. That’s what’s written on my wife’s wrist, and the crazy gal made that comment back and branded me with her greasy flirting forever”

You: “That’s still a better sentence than mine. If you can even call mine a sentence”, you huff.

Mary Sue: “Oh deary it can’t be that bad, let me have a look”, she says, reaching for your wrist. You comply and pull up the sleeve of your hoodie to reveal the iconic message.

You: “Yep. I’ve had ‘*high pitched shriek*’ on my wrist for as long as I can remember”

Mary Sue: “... well that’ll be a story to tell the grandkids”

You: “Can’t wait”, you groan, making her laugh.

She scans your last item, you swipe your card, grab your bags, and head out the door- not before popping your earbuds back in, of course. 

Hopefully, blasting Rihanna can ease some of the creepiness of parking lots late at night.

Unfortunately, you parked waaaaaay in the back, so you’ve got quite the ways to go.

You can’t seem to shake the unsettling feeling of someone following you, no matter how loudly you turn up “Bitch Better Have My Money”.

The eerie aura is too strong for you to ignore, so you stealthily reach into your purse and grab your pepper spray, yank out your earbuds and whip around to face whoever the fuck has the nerve to be this stalkerish.

“GET THE HELL BACK, I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT”, you shout at loud and intimidatingly as you can muster, aiming the pepper spray out in front of you and at- him? The cute guy from earlier?

The girlish scream that came from this beautiful boy’s mouth has you both very happy and very annoyed. You startled him into to shrieking and dropping his bags.

“What is wrong with you, creeping up on someone in a parking lot?”, you lecture, lowering your pepper spray and glaring at him.

The tension of the situation has faded completely, now that you know who he is in relation to you.

“This is about exactly how I thought this would go, I mean with what’s written on my wrist and all. I just didn’t realize it would be you”, he says with a dazed look in his eyes, like he can’t believe this is happening.

You sigh in defeat and introduce yourself- the whole “hello I’m Y/N and I’m your soulmate. Also, sorry for almost pepper spraying you” conversation

“I’m Kihyun, and I know who you are. You’re the person that’s always dancing in the store”, he replies.

You: “Gosh, is there a single person who hasn’t seen that?”

Kihyun: “Don’t worry! It’s endearing, really. Actually, the whole reason I came out here was because you left one of your bags and Mary Sue asked me to run it out to you, but then you… yeah”, he says, glancing to the bag on the ground. Whatever item of yours was in there had clearly shattered.

You shyly mumble a “thank you”, embarrassed by your forgetfulness, and carefully pick up the plastic bag, tossing it in a nearby trash can.

Kihyun: “Um well, do you want to go back into the store together to get another one of those? Sorry for breaking it in the first place”

You: “Yeah, that’d be nice. It’ll be easier to explain what happened if you’re there with me”

Kihyun: “...you’re not gonna mention the part about me screaming though, right?”

You: “Oh no way, that’s too funny to leave out”, you say, and lace your fingers with his before he gets the chance to pout.

His eyes, which were originally watching anything but you, now snap up to meet your gaze.

You: “Is this okay?”

Kihyun: “Yeah, that’s- that’s definitely okay”, he says, giving your hand a squeeze.

The bell on the door rings as the two of you walk back into the store, hand in hand.

Mary Sue: “Welcome to- oh I fucking knew it”, she practically shouts as she sees the two of you together.

You both take turns explaining to her what happened and how you’re soulmates, and she is the only one who isn’t shocked by any of it.

Mary Sue: “The two of you have been coming here for years. I always hoped that you’d end up together”

Kihyun: “Really? That’s so sweet”

Mary Sue: “Yeah, and when I heard that scream, young man, I just knew that had to be you”

His ego damaged- Kihyun doesn’t say much to Mary Sue after that.

Once you grab another item to replace the broken one, it’s time for you and Kihyun to part ways… but both of you seem reluctant.

Kihyun: “I’ll walk you to your car?”

You: “Oh yeah, I wouldn’t want some pervert to follow me. That’d be terrible”, you say as sarcastically as humanly possible.

Kihyun: “Will I ever live that down?”

You: “Nope. You’re straight out of luck, hun”

Finally at your car, you turn to your the driver’s side door, but hesitate to get in.

Kihyun: “What is it?”

You: “Would it be too terribly forward for me to invite you over to my place?”, you ask, turning back to face him.

Kihyun: “...I mean, we just met, so I-”

You: “No not like that. To just hang out. We can order pizza, have a night in?”

Kihyun: “Oh, well then yeah, that sounds great!”

For a guy capable of making such a terrible shrieking noise, the sound of him singing along to the radio is so angelic and soothing that you have to ask him to stop, for fear of you nodding off behind the wheel.

So pretty much- you not only came home with groceries that night, but with the boy you’d spend the rest of your life with.

Also, Mary Sue won the $100 bet with her wife that “that singing guy and that dancing person, they’re definitely made for each other”

[thefoxesboxes]

A Gathering of Guys

Time to get back into the saddle on these reviews! This one has been a long time coming, something I honestly meant to review many months ago. But, between teaching English and travelling around the world, this writing fox has had a significant decrease in available brainpower. Did watching this movie for a second time help? Will it have passed the vulpine standards check? Look under the cut to find out as we discuss the “First R-Rated CGI Cartoon”, Sausage Party.

To begin, I will preface two things. First, I love animation. The creativity and freedom that can be made from almost any kind of animated movie has always been an easy way to make me happy. Look at movies like Zootopia, Spirited Away, and even Aladdin. These movies are each dramatically different in tone, style, and overall thematics. But they’re all some of my favorite movies. Even if I think CGI is overdone in the modern animation market, it still doesn’t detract from my love of watching something creative and fresh.

I also don’t mind movies that are using raunchy or vulgar humor. A movie like Deadpool can make me laugh pretty hard at the stupid jokes and over the top violence that it employs. A movie like this should use the language and themes to push the style of the movie. Is it a violent story with a murderous mercenary hell bent on revenge? Yeah, dark and violent, but add in the fun. These things can break up the movie into a more manageable tone than most people would like. Look at the difference in things like DC and Marvel, or new Ghostbusters and old Ghostbusters. That’s a coming review, by the way.

So the big point is that this movie is awful. It’s a raunchy and joke filled movie, but it’s never creative. It’s like someone took the movie FoodFight and pushed up the production quality and age rating. The movie is graphic, violent, and full of warnings for mature content and imagery. The whole movie tries very, very hard to make sure you know that this is mature and grown up.

Maturity, in this sense, means something that says the word ‘fuck’ approximately 1.85 times a minute, often in heavy bursts. Maturity is something that makes incredibly sophomoric and heavy handed assertions about the nature of religion and real life interactions between thousand year old cultures. Mature is when you have the movies plotline come to a screeching halt to constantly point out how edgy you are over and over again. Mature, in this sense, is being a 15 year old on Reddit screaming about how you took the red pill and don’t believe in things like religion, man.

There is nothing really mature here. At all.

“Just the tips” What the fuck is a tip? Your finger? Why does a hotdog have a glove but the lady doesn’t? Save it. It’ll keep.

But let’s talk detail. First, the movie has a song. It’s not a bad song, at least for how it’s written and sung. It’s really mostly just kind of tuneless and shifts a lot into ways that obviously want to invoke religious worship songs, but doesn’t do that very well. The song does a great job of setting the tone of this movie, which is “Religious people are dumb, ya here?”. It’s not really something I want to get into, but it slides nicely into the hotdog bun of hatred I have for this movie.

The writing.

As mentioned, the writing is self-congratulatory about the idea of being R-rated when it doesn’t know what that should mean. It decided to go out of its way to be a cartoon about hotdogs and sex before seemingly having any direction, as the world itself and characters are all over the place. Do they make any particular point using food that couldn’t be done with a different material? Nope. Do they make timely or classical references throughout the movie? Well, Meatloaf plays a singing Meatloaf. They make a “To Sir with Love” reference, which intrudes on one of my absolutely favorite films ever. Saving Private Ryan? Not exactly timeless.

But the writing reflects worst on characters and dialogue. While the voice acting is, mostly, fine it’s really just the characters are a bunch of assholes. Remember that scene in Star Wars where Han Solo doesn’t believe in the Force and Luke lectures him despite having learned about it that afternoon? That happens about atheism. Our beef tube hero who’s name I really don’t care to remember (it’s Frank) learns that the Gods are evil people who eat them! Oh no! So he immediately starts bashing everyone for believing in the Gods that he believed in until literally an hour ago. He makes no good points, he seems ridiculously hypocritical, and he’s just kind of a douche.

A running theme in this movie, the main villain is a literal douche. A douche who gets a tear and loses his douchey fluids, so he needs to replenish them to restore his superpowers. This begins with him forcefully and graphically violating a damaged juice container in a way obviously reminiscent of forceful oral sex. This scene was the first one that was simply disgusting, including him commenting that he’s “Juicin’ up” to reference steroids. A rape scene, classy as hell. This only continues as this literal douche walks about to murder the main heroes will constantly repeating the same joke over and over again. His plans involved him being able to teleport, his reason for revenge was almost understandable, but being a rapist murderer really made me not care about this villain.

Also. This joke. Five fucking times.

Other than the Frankfurter Hero and Douchey Villain, we have side characters. Jewish Bagel, Mexican Lesbian Taco, overly voluptuous hotdog bun, Muslim/Middle Eastern lavash, gay Twinkee, black grits, and Firewater. These stereotypes are the closest thing to characters that exist in this film and they mostly exist pretty much solely within those roles. They exist to either be stereotypes, be annoying, or try to poke mature points at the concept of geographically interconnected regions and classically dependent cultures having feuds with each other. But let’s talk about that in terms of the world.

These foods exist for, what, a week? They exist in the same aisles, for the same goals, and often have to interact with each other for their entire existence. Their existences, mind you, which are created for explicit purpose. Why do they have different viewpoints of the Gods, to the point where it is this disseminated? Is it to make a point about the rapid distribution of altering ideals among short lived humanity? I don’t know, it just seems to be extremely crass ways to point out that these things exist and are stupid. Again a running theme.

The last major theme I want to mention is consistency. A world needs to be made in a way that follows an internal logic. Yes, magic should be explained, a world should be detailed, and even comedy should follow some form and function. If there is no law dictated within the world, then there’s no reason for me to really pay attention to what you’re doing. It’s all just whitenoise for the pretense of having jokes.

This movie fails worldbuilding with a capital F and a giant minus. The food is alive, so are douches and some other inanimate objects! But things like shoes and ladles are not, why? Why isn’t the knife alive? When we open up a thing of off brand Mentos, each of those little mints is alive. Is this things ass full of living organisms that will proceed to exist in total isolation until released?  If I make a sandwich, is it a composite of painfully attached different creatures to each other? They did show that composite foods exist as a single entity, so does that mean that pushing cheese and wheat germ together creates a new living entity? The entire idea doesn’t make sense when you show that some things would require the painful things to exist. Pizza, sandwiches, all of it. How does it work? The movie doesn’t tell you.

This line here indicates that the peanut butter, married to jelly, is only alive as it is the container. But why isn’t the bag the hotdogs were in alive, or the box? There’s no sense to be had in this madness. Just extremely dry hotdogs.

Not that the external world is any better. Remember in Toy Story where the toys could move and had to very specifically hide that fact? Yeah, this movie says fuck it. Some of the foods move and we see people view it as a hot dog rolling around. But then the hot dog gets up, dodges, ducks, dips, dives, and dodges. They even stab a hot dog standing up in the middle of the air, or they can run across the street. Do people see them or not? It’s pointed out that they need to be literally high on bath salts to see the  food moving, but then can the food interact with the world when not on bath salts? How come the food never moves and people don’t notice it? Why do I even watch anything attached to Seth Rogan? Why did you ruin my night, Seth?

This isn’t even getting into the ending. The movie ended two separate times at the end, once when the orgy of murder happened, and once when the orgy that murdered the movie happened. There’s a full orgy, it takes actually 5 minutes to get through. Does it add to the plot? Nope. Does it push anything? Nah, it’s also the scaled down version from the honestly horrifying original script Seth Rogan spent years drafting up. Fuck him so much.

There’s also a murder orgy where the food kills everyone. Apparently we can’t beat hotdogs. Who knew? A guy gets turned into a testicle puppet by the douche, carries a giant revolver that apparently has 8 bullets in it. They make Terminator and Wizard of Oz references. A merry time was had by apparently a lot of people that aren’t me.

Also, the food smoke weed that is… Apparently not alive? Why is the marijuana not alive? Fuck it. Probably some stupid point.

The main point is this. The movie contains many flaws and

Fuck this movie. Fuck you Seth Rogan for your grinning assholery. Fuck the critics who think this movie is an insightful and raunchy godsend so they can openly enjoy cartoons. Fuck the idea that this movie grossed tons of money and will probably get some kinda sequel or spinoff. Fuck the media that believes that maturity is the juvenile banter of an idiot who cannot stop dragging his political diatribes into a different subject. And fuck this movie for killing any chance Kubo and the Two Strings had of being a financial success.

Summary? This movie is crass, brash, vulgar and tasteless. It’s also somehow not brave enough to say anything that has any real merit or in a way that’s unique. It’s a movie obsessed with its own egotistical idea of being the ‘first’ but has no idea of how to make that something worth seeing. This movie is just a waste of time. It’s a mix of immature and well past it’s expiration date.

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU [Book 4]

Foo I dunno what to put here anymore... read here, then here and then here!

Chapter 1: Midsummer Madness by Joji

It’s a fine summer morning, and it was quiet in the Iida household....until the sound of dramatic groaning rose from the girl’s room. Which was routine for Hanaka Rosa, youngest twin and sister of the siblings. She was not a morning person and sure as hell wasn’t going to wake up early on summer vacation! And just down the hall, rose older twin Tensei Oro to greet the day. Hanaka and Tensei couldn’t be anymore different from each other! Gender aside, these twins were like night and day in personalities and intellect. There was never a quiet and normal day with them in the mix, which always starts with Tensei waking up his twin sister.

“Wake up Rosa!” yelled Tensei from outside her bedroom door.

Hanaka groaned “Why?! It’s summer vacation!” 

“Are you forgetting what today is?!” Tensei said before teleporting inside “Pendeja, it’s the school carnival!”

“Huh? School carnival?” Hanaka sat up and rubbed her eyes “It’s not Saturday yet.”

Tensei arm chopped at the calendar on the wall “Well maybe if you actually slashed the days, you’d remember!”

“Why do I even need that thing! I have a phone that checks the time and day for me” Hanaka huffed “Get with the times bro!”

“Okay then, check your phone right now” Tensei crossed his arms.

Hanaka grumbled as she picked up her phone and her eyes bulged out of her eyes “Oh FUCK! It’s Saturday!” She jumps out of bed “FUCK WE’RE GONNA BE LATE!”

“Hurry up because I am not waiting for you” Tensei opened the door to leave “I’m going to have my café in peace.”

Tensei slides down the stair railing to the waiting breakfast on the nook.

“Good morning mijo” greeted their mother “What were you scolding your sister on this time?”

Tensei hopped on his usual seat “I have a concert today at the school carnival and Hanaka volunteered to do a food booth with her friends. And of course she forgot and is now getting dressed.”

“I’ll take you both, no need to rush your sister” Their dad responded as he served his plate of breakfast.

“You spoil her too much dad” scolded Tensei “How is she ever going to do things for herself?! She needs to learn some responsibility.”

“Oooo he got you there Tenya” agreed mom “I think she should uphold some responsibility, when I was her age, I was always on top of my duties.”

“But you were middle class in public school, Hanaka doesn’t have to fist fight 3 people to get to her first class!” arm chopped Dad “I’m taking the kids to the carnival and that’s final!”

Mom rolled her eyes and brought her cup to her lips “Whatever you say dear, it’s not like we had two older children that are independent or anything.”

Tensei tried really hard to stifle his laughter as their Mom, once again, threw major shade at Dad. It’s just any other morning here in the Iida household.

“OKAY I’M READY!” Hanaka yelled from the base of the stairs, fists in the air.

“Come and have some coffee at least” Dad offered.

“No time for café dad” huffed Hanaka “I gotta go! They called me to hurry up because the barbecue pits aren’t lighting strong enough!” she bounced and pulled her twin by the arm “Cmon cmon cmon! Teleport us there!”

“We are not teleporting Rosa!” scolded Tensei “I’m taking my bike, you should’ve figured this out when you signed up to volunteer.”

“But Tensei!” whined Hanaka “it far! And I can’t run that fast without getting tired! Please, pretty please, teleport me?”

“No, and stop batting your eyes like that” her twin said in disgust “You look like Donkey from Shrek 2.”

“You take that back!” Hanaka got offensive “You look like pretzel stick!”

“Short!”

“Wannabe!”

“Stop your fighting! I’m taking you both right this instant” Dad said sternly “I want you both in the car in one minute, no talking.”

“Yes father” said the twins in defeat before making their way to the driveway.

Mom chuckled “Ya know, I thought having twins would make them best friends. Turns out if they’re half latina, they have a built in hatred for each other.”

“I thought they’d get along better now that they’re older” Dad sighed and grabbed his keys “When will it end.”

It was silence and scowls from the twins in the backseat...also a normal thing now that Lili and Iwata don’t live in the house. Iwata is going into his second year of high school at UA, so he visits when he can. Lili is also in her second year at dance academy in France, she visits during Christmas time. Leaving the twins in their 1st year of middle school, everyone’s favorite school years! Tensei is one of the smartest kids in school with promise of being a lawyer due to his amazing debating skills. He’s also known for his musical talent along with his little band that sometimes plays some backyard gigs. So today’s their biggest gig at this school carnival, Tensei had to pull a few strings to get their band in, but it’s all about to pay off.

Once they got dropped off, the twins sped off to their places. Hanaka was weaving her way around some of her fellow student volunteers to get to the food stalls. She’s notorious for having a bad attitude and being short tempered, but she’s not alone! Her two best friends are the same way and band together to aid each other in school fights. The three of them are known as the ‘Squak’ and you don’t want to get on their bad side!

“Hanaka! Don’t tell me you forgot today we’re on grilling duty” cawed Petti as she fanned the dying fire “We need some serious fire power if we’re gonna be here all day.”

“Sorry! I didn’t set my alarm” Hanaka panted as she walked into the booth “Where’s Kyanka?”

“Here!” cried out their other friend, their paw hand in the air “No more coals or wood to burn, nya.”

“Oh shit, alright then ladies” Hanaka rolled up her sleeves and did a little stretch “stand back, I’m about to crank up the heat!” She sticks her arm in the glowing coals and ignites her hand to coax the coals to raise a steady flame “We got fire, time to get cooking!”

“Tensei! We were starting to get worried you were a no show” gasped their friend Tetsu “You’re usually the first one to gigs.”

“Sorry to make you wait” sighed Tensei as he put his guitar case down “My twin got her way again and I had to wait for her.”

“Geez, we aren’t children anymore” responded Ashido “Hana-chan is still having tantrums?!”

“Tch, be thankful he didn’t show up scorched again” said Huei as he rolled his eyes “Anyways, sensei wanted to see you. They’re at the soundboard.”

The carnival went without a hitch thankfully. Everyone liked Tensei’s little band that they’re invited to more school events. His band doesn’t have any particular sound, they just cover some alternative songs and pop radio stuff. To be honest, if Tensei didn’t look so plain and clean-cut, he’d be the handsome frontman and popularize his band. 

“How was the carnival kids?” asked the twin’s mother as the two staggered their way in the house.

“Wack” said Hanaka, on the verge of crying “I didn’t get a chance to eat my free food!”

“I had fun, the boys and I are going to be doing more school events!” Tensei responded with a big, dumb smile “I’m just so excited for the upcoming school term!”

“Wait- school term?” Hanaka muttered under her breath as she counted on her fingers “aww man! Schools starts on Monday huh?!”

“Better get your summer homework done Hanaka” warned their mother.

Hanaka huffed “How come you never tell Tensei to do his homework!”

“Tensei is on the honor roll at school” their mother crossed her arms “Far as I know, he probably finished it 3 days after break started. So you best wash up and crack those books open.”

-Fast forward, beginning of second year-

“Where’s Tensei?” asked Petti as she sat in the back corner desk of homeroom.

“Where he belongs” Hanaka propped her legs up on the desk “In the honors class.”

“Owo does that mean no more scolding?” Kyanka perked up her tail.

“Yup, no more nagging nor teacher’s pet Tensei to bug us” Hanaka leaned back on her chair “We’re sensei’s problem now!”

Petti slams a small bag on her desk “CAW! Time to put on makeup in class!”

The girls quickly do their goth eyeliner in their little corner of the classroom. These three have been friends since they were in pre-school, Petti and Hanaka go back farther to their infant days. Petti is Tokoyami’s daughter, full name Peregine Tokoyami. Kyanka is Ojiro’s daughter, in fact, his only daughter as they have two older sons.  

“Class, please take your seats” the teacher announces “Welcome to your 2nd year, I’m sure you all had the same homeroom as last year and know each other. But we have a new student this year” they motioned for the person at the door to come in “I’d like you be nice to your new classmate. Would you like to introduce yourself?”

“Hi, my name is Lumi Aoyama” said the girl “and I’m from France, and no, I will not say anything in french for you.”

“Oh that’s...lovely!” the teacher was trying really hard to say something positive “why don’t you take the seat over there in the back?”

The three girls eye the new girl as she briskly walked to the seat next to Petti. She takes notice and gives Petti the side eye.

“You wanna fight?” the new girl spat with hostile energy.

“Excuse me?” responded Petti, matching energy.

“Hi, I’m Hanaka” intervened the Iida twin “I like your highlight, what brand is that?”

The new girl darted her eyes onto Hanaka “I’m not wearing makeup, it’s my skin.”

“Nya, it hurts my eyes” said Kyanka, squinting to see.

“Humph! Then look away cat girl!” the girl said in a stuck up manner “before I fight you too.”

“Hey, you don’t talk to my friends like that” Petti got defensive “If you wanna fight, then we gonna fight.”

“Oh yeah? Then it’s you and me, after school at the sports shed.”

“You’re on new girl!” growled Petti.

The rest of the day was full of tense glares from the two girls. Hanaka and Kyanka not doing much but watch and wait. The final bell rings and the new girl dashes ahead.

“Petti you aren’t going to fight her are you?” asked Hanaka “Let’s patch things up and be friends with her, it’s the first day!”

“I’m gonna fight! I don’t care if it’s the first day” Petti defended herself “She was being rude to you two and I don’t like bitches that think they can talk down to my friends!” She turns to Kyanka “You record it, I want this bitch to know not to mess with me!”

Begrudgingly, Hanaka made her way to the sports shed to watch this fight. Might as well right? It’s not like her twin knows where she is...wonder what he’s up to.

“Iida-kun, may I speak with you?”

“Yes coach?” responded Tensei before leaving the classroom “is there something the matter?”

“Nothing is wrong, I just wanted to ask you if you’re doing debate this year” 

“I am, I had such a good season last year that I want to do it again” Tensei beamed “I’m thinking about getting onto the Junior Varsity team.”

“Oh! That’s great because I was going to ask if you wanted to move up to JV” the teacher said in relief “One of our JV debaters graduated and we’re short a member. Plus with all the amazing work you’ve put in last year, how would you like to go to Nationals in the spring?”

Tensei’s eyes widened and jaw dropped “I’d be honored to! I won’t let my team down coach!”

The teacher opens a manila folder “Perfect! I’m going to send you home with the paperwork for your parents to overlook and sign. Bring it back to me by Friday.”

Tensei could hardly contain his excitement as he gleefully skipped down the empty school hall. He couldn’t wait to tell his parents, because his twin doesn’t care about his ‘silly little hobbies’ as she puts it. No matter, he’s happy and nothing can ruin this for him...until he got outside and saw his twin and her friends in a fight.

“STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Tensei dashed to break up the fight “Are you three crazy?! It’s the first day!”

“Fuck off Tensei this is my fight!” yelled Petti as the male twin blocked her target.

“You leave me no choice but to go get an adult.” Tensei said sternly.

“Whatever Tensei, you’re ruining the shot nya” Kyanka said out of annoyance.

“Yeah Tensei, go kiss ass to the principal why don’t you?!” spat his twin.

“What is going on here?!” said a loud voice behind them “A fight on the first day?! Everyone in my office NOW!”

All five of them where in the principal’s office, awaiting for their parents to come. Which is something the three girls were used to, but Tensei was very stiff and nervous to what his mom is going to think.

“I’m here, what happened?” bust in the twin’s mother “I got here as fast as I could.”

“Mrs Iida, good to see you again” greeted the principal “We’re awaiting the other parents.”

“I’m here on the behalf of Mr Tokoyami and Mr Ojiro as well” the mother explained “They’re both on duty.”

“Of course they are” said Petti and Kyanka in unison.

“Hey, you know they work hard for you” the mother snapped “I would appreciate it if you showed a little understanding that they’re doing important things right now.” 

“Sorry Mrs Iida” they apologized.

The mother sighed as she took a seat “On the first day? What prompted it this time?!”

“I suggested to not fight for the record” Hanaka spoke up “And Tensei ran in to break up the fight.”

Tensei nodded vigorously “That’s right, I didn’t want the girls to get in trouble on the first day.”

“The new girl challenged me and insulted my friends” Petti explained “I was willing to be friendly but she just started to be rude to us!”

“That’s not true! You’re just saying that” out-bursted the new girl “You guys were staring at me and made comments about my skin. IT’S MY QUIRK YOU ASSHOLES!”

“Young lady watch your language!” demanded the principal “It seems like you were off to a rough first day. I know you didn’t have much time to settle in the area, so we’ll wait for your father to come and talk things out.”

“Ugh he doesn’t care enough about me to come” grumbled the new girl, arms crossed “He’s probably looking at himself in the mirror and forgot.”

A few minutes passed and a man ran in the room.

“Bambina! On the first day?!” cried out the man “You promised.”

“Wait hol up- Aoyama?” stood up the mother “No way! You’re back?!”

“Mrs CEO herself?!” responded the man “Your kids attend this school?”

“Yes, mine are the mini Tenya and the curly haired one” she gestured “And those two are Tokoyami’s and Ojiro’s, don’t they look so much like their fathers?”

“Nya I don’t look like my daddy” huffed Kyanka, tail standing up at attention.

“How do you know each other?” asked the new girl.

“I went to UA with her, her husband and their fathers” Aoyama put his hand on the twin’s mother shoulder “She’s saved my hide a few times in those days and I went to her wedding. It’s been so long my friend, and may I say, you look so good for being a mother of 4!”

“Oh stop!” the mother put her hands on her cheeks “You flatter me too much! And you’re still very shining.”

The kids were looking at the display in shock. Never have they seen a reunion in such an unlikely situation.

“Ahem, if you don’t mind Mrs Iida and Mr Aoyama.”

“Oh right, of course!” the mother cleared her throat and sat down “What are the disciplinary actions? Since it’s so early in the school year.”

The principal folded his hands “We have clean up duties for a month or have them go with the district behavioral specialist for evaluating.”

“Now just wait a moment, a behavioral specialist?” the mother spoke up “They got into a fight after school, you send students to a behavioral specialist if they show signs of a sociopath. And this isn’t sociopathic, clearly the lack of parental guidance and teenage angst.” she shot at look at the girls “I believe the month long clean up duty will suffice.”

“I take full responsibility!” Petti spoke up “Hanaka and Kyanka didn’t do anything wrong, it was all my idea.”

“I will admit that I challenged her to fight me” said the new girl with guilt.

The principal looked perplexed “That’s a first. Owning up to your mistakes?” they gathered themselves quickly “Then it’s settled, Miss Tokoyami and Miss Aoyama will be serving a month of cleaning duties starting tomorrow.”

Everyone left to their respectful households after that. Hanaka felt the change in the air and it kind of scared her. What the hell is going to happen now?

-Two weeks later, after-school-

“Nya! It���s finally Friday” cried Kyanka out as she stretched out her paws “My stinky brothers aren’t home if you guys wanna come over.”

“Sounds like fun” groaned the new girl.

Hanaka cringed “Right, cleaning duties punishment! Sorry.”

“Man, I wanted to get a new choker today at the mall” sighed Petti “And my dumb dad wants me home by 6 until my punishment is up. Not like he’s gonna be home to uphold me to that.”

The two girls got up to leave “Well, hope things go by quickly!” waved Hanaka “Bye Petti, Aoyama-san.”

The two punished girls went on to do their sweeping.

“Hey, you’ve been here your whole life” new girl broke the silence “How is like living in Japan? What is there to do?”

Petti stopped sweeping to answer “Hmmm, I guess it’s fine? There’s lots of shopping and hang out spots in this area. And the beach this a short commute from here.”

“The beach!? I’ve never been to a beach!” new girl beamed “It’s is fun?”

For the first time since the first day, Petti and the new girl had a long conversation. Anything was better than cleaning in silence.

“Hey, what do you like to be called by?” asked Petti as they walked to the front of the school.

“Oh, I guess my first name?” new girl paused to think “I don’t like my name though, I was named after my grandma.”

“I don’t like my name either, my dumb dad named me Peregrine because of my feather pattern” Petti pointed at her face “I hated being a bird of prey, so I gave myself the name Petti. Because I’m petty as hell and it’s kind of my quirk.”

“That’s so cool! Lumi is short for luminescent” she giggled “Then I guess you can call me....Twinkle. Because of how I shine.”

“That’s a cute name, I like it” Petti stopped at the front gate “Well Twinkle, I’m going this way. See you Monday!”

“Bye!” Twinkle waved Petti goodbye before turning toward the waiting car in the pick up area.

“How was school bambina?” asked her father as she opened the car door “Did you make a friend?”

Twinkle rolled her eyes “Not like you care.”

Her father sighed “You know I care about you Lumi, I want what’s best for you.”

“Whatever, lets just go home” she said as she put on her seatbelt.

They drove in silence for a while.

“Your mother called earlier, she misses you”

“I miss her too” Twinkle said meekly “Dad, are things really better out here? Or are you homesick?”

“Things are better here in Japan, look how much safer and cleaner the cities are. And I’m sure you can see how much better this middle school academy is to private school in France” her father looked over to her “And I can tell you’re happier here.”

“How am I happier here?”

“Your smile right before you got in the car” he explained “You didn’t fight with that girl you waved bye to. I haven’t seen you smile like that in so long, not since your sister moved out. It’s okay to feel better in this new place and let your guard down a little.”

Twinkle relaxed her shoulders “I do feel a little bit comfortable at that school. And the people here have good hygiene” she laughed “But you still haven’t shown me around!”

-The next day-

“Tensei-kun, when are you going on your nerd trip?” asked Ashido-kun as he tuned his bass.

“It’s called Debate Nationals, and I’m going in exactly one month” responded Tensei with an arm chop “Debate isn’t a nerd thing!”

“Sure it isn’t, that’s why you’re on the top team at a top school” sarcastically spoke Huei.

“We go to the same school Huei-kun” Tensei crossed his arms “Don’t act cool like you don’t have good grades either!”

“Oooooh he told you!” laughed Tetsu.

“I wish I had grades like yours” sighed Ashido-kun “So I can be a top choice for hero school.”

“You want to go to hero school? Does our generation still want to go into such things?” Tensei questioned “Like, yea your mom, my dad and Tetsu’s parents are heroes. But should we? There’s already so many in the hero career, Japan is overflowing with heroes!”

“Don’t be such a buzzkill dude!” Ashido-kun retorted, putting his bass strap over his shoulder “What’s your career choice?!”

“I want to be a lawyer” Tensei said proudly.

The other three boys busted into howling laughter. Quickly turning into tears and gasping for air type laughter.

Tetsu fell off his drumming stool “Oh man, you’re such a nerd Tensei-kun!”

“Being a lawyer isn’t nerdy!” Tensei crossed his arms with a scowl “Theres a whole untapped career market for Hero Law Practice! Imagine all the accountability for those heroes that don’t follow their ethics code? Agencies that don’t pay their lower ranked heroes the minimum wage can get sued. Justice for the justice keepers!”

“Oh I can see it already! You in your little suit, carrying one of those fancy briefcases with your name embossed on it” belittled Huei “Going in the courtroom with an arm chop and going ‘OBJECTION YOUR HONOR!’”

That made the boys start laughing again, irritating Tensei even more.

“Whatever! Lets just start yeah?” Tensei rolled his eyes, regretting opening up to his friends like that “Can I get a count off to Strangers in a Dream.”  

The boys gathered themselves to start playing. They haven’t practiced in a while since school started and they had a gig coming up. So they had to get back to the groove of things in Ashido-kun’s garage.

Fast forward to after Tensei’s Debate trip...he bombed it so badly that he was barred from going to another competition until he redeems himself in the mock trials. Hanaka gets suspended for a week but what else is new? So both of the twins are brooding in their rooms on a Saturday afternoon, this called for some parent intervention.

“Mijo? Are you okay?” asked their mother outside the door “may I come in?”

“Sure, come in.”

Tensei was face down on his bed, completely stiff and straight.

“Aw honey, not the coping mechanism” his mother sat on his bed “I thought we grew out of that.”

Tensei lifted his head slightly to respond “I’m so disappointed in myself mom, debate was the one thing I had going for me! I took my one chance to get noticed by my choice of high schools so I can debate for them AND I BLEW IT!” He slammed his face back down “I’m just a nerd that tarnished the school’s debate reputation. My career is ruined!”

“Tensei! Life doesn’t end when you lose a few arguments” his mother comforted “You’re 13 years old, you don’t have a career yet! You’re not even done with puberty, there’s so much more to explore and create. Come on, get up.” Tensei sits up “Good, now go and do something that makes you happy. Whenever something flops for me, I go take a trip to the cafe and buy myself something nice.”

“I don’t know if strumming will make me feel any better” Tensei sighed as he looked at his guitar “I still have to go to school and face my peers with my failure.”

“Ya know what’s nice about hitting rock bottom?”

“What?” asked Tensei with curiosity.

“There’s nowhere to go but up” she smiled “You can build yourself back up, prove it to everyone that you’re worthy of a second chance. Or who knows, maybe this is your chance to move on to another thing that you like and change image.”

Those words lingered with Tensei for what seemed like weeks. Yeah debate was everything to him but was it really time for a change? Every now and then he gets hit with an identity crisis because of getting compared to his dad and twin sister. He’s a little too much like his dad and not as naturally gifted like his twin in terms of quirk. There’s no competition in Tensei’s mind, everyone is going to favor Hanaka over him anyways! It’s always been like that, but at least he has his mother on his side. She’s his biggest inspiration in life, the reason why he wants to go into law and music. She’s encouraged him to use his voice for good and that hard work will always pay off.

-Late Spring, after school-

“Hey Hanaka, how come you don’t use your engines?” Twinkle asked as the group of girls walked to the shoe lockers “My dad says you have the same quirk as your dad and he can run really fast. And it seems like with your fire quirk, you can run even faster.”

Hanaka looked at her engines then shrugged “I dunno, sometimes when I’m in a pinch I use them. But I don’t really have a reason to train myself to use them to their fullest” she takes her shoes out of the locker “Tensei is the one with the cooler quirks, he can teleport and bend metal! All I’m good for is being a heat source.”

Twinkle paused to think “It seems like all of us have our dad’s quirks.” She jumped up on the bench and struck a pose “What if we became heroes?”

“Nya? Us?” Kyanka questioned “I don’t think being a cat girl will get me through hero school.”

“I think it’s a good idea” Petti said, tying her shoe “I don’t really see myself doing anything else to be honest.”

Hanaka opened her mouth to protest, then paused to think it some more “You know what...I don’t see myself doing anything else either.” she put hands on her hips “That’s pretty wack, I don’t wanna be like my daddy and uncle!”

“We’ll brand ourselves differently!” Twinkle suggested, striking a different pose “Lets be gothy girl heroes, fighting by night!”

The four girls exchanged looks of agreement. 

“Alright then, we’ll do that” Hanaka caved “But we gotta start training somehow.”

“Oh! Beach training!” jumped Kyanka “Summer break is coming up, lets do beach training and summer assignments together!”

The girls walked together to plan out their training...meanwhile, Tensei was getting whipped into shape verbally.

“...and my closing statement is that quirk suppressant medicine is an attack on human ethics.”

The debate coach quickly scribbled on his paper “Alright, the winner is all for the opposition. Nice work Iida and Tanaka.”

Tensei loudly sighed out in relief, slumping back on his chair “Oh thank the lord! I didn’t know if that ethics line was going to work.”

“Iida-kun? Are you okay?” his debate partner turned to Tensei “You don’t look too good.”

“I’m fine. Just a little strung out” Tensei responded “I can’t lose these next few cases, mock trials are right before summer break.”

“Please get some rest and don’t worry” one of his teammates added “you’re sweating so much and you look pale! We don’t want you to get sick before the mock trials. It’s okay to sit out the next case or two.”

Tensei stands up “Thank you for your concerns but I’ll be fine” he wipes his sweat “Besides, I have the next 5 cases written out and ready to go.”

“No seriously Iida-kun, we’re worried about you” said the senior member “You still have another year of debate to go. Relax and see how you do in the mocks, nationals doesn’t mean anything after October!”

“Alright team, listen up” the coach spoke up to get everyones attention “for this years mock trials, not only are we having those two school’s teams join us but some high school coaches will be spectating. Seniors, I presume you’re going to be at your top game to get scouted.”

That statement made Tensei’s heart drop. This IS his one shot to redeem himself and be scouted as a second year! Theres no room for error now, he needs to bring his A game in two weeks.

Twins, like night and day, couldn’t be any more different! Until a twist of events closed the gap and changed the course of their fate...

-Book 4, Chapter 1 End-

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