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itwasntimethatdidit40 · 2 months

Text

Happy Birthday, little finch.

Gif credits

Pairing: Jackson!Joel X AFAB!reader

Words count: 6731

Rating: +18 NSFW, Minors please don’t interact

Summary: Everyone forgets your birthday but you receive an unexpected invitation (wink) that will change the fate of the day.

Warnings: POV second person, smut, little power dynamic, little brat taming, begging, unprotected P in V (please, always use protections in real life!), Reader's age is intentionally unspecified, you can imagine an age gap between her and Joel or not, oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), nipples play, Joel comes on reader's tits, just a little of pulling hair, soft!Joel, grumpy!Joel, pet names (little finch, honey, baby, babe), mention of fasting as a sarcastic joke (I don’t condone joking about no one’s eating habits), reader has hair (It is not specified how long they are or what they look like), reader can be lifted by big and strong Joel, reader has a able body, breasts and vagina and she wears a dress, apart from that no other description is given, reader is part of the Jackson community, I don't know anything about Jackson, I only know a few details about second game’s plot (including that detail, yes) so everything I describe is purely from my imagination and may have no bearing on the original Jackson, brief appearances by Maria, Tommy, Ellie and Dina, drinking, swearing, Joel calls reader “little finch” (I came up with this nickname just because my grandpa used to call me with a bird name when I was little and I always found it sweet, so here we go ❤️), Joel can draw (I don't know if it's true but for me it is, okay, allow me). I hope I haven't forgotten anything but if I do I'll add it as soon as I notice.

English is not my first language so please be kind, I always try to do my best, no proofreading (sorry), very little editing, I apologize for any mistakes. I'm writing on my phone, I hope the formatting isn't too bad 🥲

Thank you so much to anyone who will read this, I really hope you’ll like it, kind comments and advices are really appreciated ❤️

I've been listening to Hozier's "Talk" heavily while writing this so here it is, I'll let you know. It's such a beautiful song and I love Hozier so much 🫠

You wake up struck by a ray of sunlight that enters faintly through the half-closed shutters and dies right on your face.

You have no idea what time it is and your head feels heavy and confused, you turn over in bed thinking that maybe you can give yourself another 5 minutes but then you hear voices outside already awake and ringing and then you think that maybe it's really late. You sit up and retrieve the clock from the bedside table, it's 7 in the morning.

You get up and go to the kitchen to make some coffee and from the window you see some people already busy doing their work. Some children head towards the building designated as school in Jackson, happily laughing while they chase each others.

You yawn and open the cabinet in the kitchen where you keep the coffee filters, a precious supply recovered during an exploration that you jealously preserve.

The coffee is also the result of a find and therefore it was carefully rationed with the other members of the community.

You are grateful that it exists because this morning you really need it, last night you slept badly, continuing to toss in your sleep and always dreaming of the same thing again and again. You being swallowed up by a hole in the ground and no hand reaching out to help you. Just a great dream.

The coffee maker burbles a few minutes later, releasing the drink you crave.

Temperatures are milder in this season so you no longer need to put on a heavy jacket and snow boots, there is a bit of fresh wind but nothing compared to the harsh winter that has just passed.

Today in particular you feel like dressing better than usual, you go back to your room and open the wardrobe, carefully inspecting the few clothes hanging there.

You obviously don't have much choice because they're all salvaged second-hand clothes, but Maria gave you a nice pair of denim shorts a month ago and they look very nice on you.

You take it out of the closet and place it on the bed along with a white tank top that highlights your boobs just right, it’s nothing particularly fancy but it makes you feel good, you head towards the shower humming softly.

The shower helps you wake up, you dress and you leave the house feeling a bit better.

You meet a couple of people who greet you as you make your way to the library.

You enter, smelling the familiar smell of books and immediately get to work cleaning and dusting the shelves and the floor, like every day.

The morning passes peacefully, only a couple of people come in to borrow books, so after doing your chores you took the opportunity to rearrange thriller’s books section.

You're a bit shocked by the fact that no one told you anything particular but you don't mind, these people have a lot to think about and a lot to do.

When you leave it's lunch time, so you head to the common room.

The crisp air caresses your face and the sun gives you a little warmth that you missed so much, you really love this season in Jackson.

You enter the room filled with chatter that echoes off the walls. You take your place in line and once you have had your portion you sit at one of the tables.

No one reaches you yet. You're alone in a room full of people.

You see him in a corner, sitting with Maria and Tommy and you get lost for a while observing the way he moves his large hands, how his hair rests at the base of his neck, his big brown eyes, so communicative, the way his flannel shirt - which has practically become a distinctive trait of Joel - hug his muscles, the way his lower lip slightly twitch while he’s talking.

You’re totally captivated.

You can't help it and you know it.

Every time he spoke to you, even for just a few minutes, your body reacted unequivocally at his deep low raspy voice, his proximity always caused you trouble.

You like this man, much more than you are willing to admit.

Joel Miller.

You're friends, you might say. As much as it is possible to be friends with a man like him.

He's friendly, but always with an undertone of detachment that you can't define, as if he's afraid of letting himself go with someone and let his feelings flow freely.

And just as you're thinking this, he turns and looks at you for a moment.

You are sitting, yet your knees feel weak and you feel your cheeks redden knowing you've been caught.

You turn your eyes back to your lunch, quickly finishing your meal and bringing your tray back. You leave the common room feeling in a bubble.

It's stupid that he makes you feel like a little girl with her first crush but it always happens, by now you're resigned to always making a fool of yourself with him.

You walk home to do your household chores and then go to the patch of garden you've been assigned to take care of.

You meet various people along the way but again everyone just say hello, you see Ellie with Dina and they both wave at you and nothing more. In the meantime, Maria has left the common room and the only thing she asks you is how the courgettes you planted a month ago are coming along.

It's strange, but you shrug your shoulders and think that deep down today is not such a relevant day for others even if you hoped it would be because you now consider these people as your new family.

You stop thinking about it and focus on the things you have to do but a tiny piece of your heart hurts a little, just a little.

What the hell is wrong with people today? Only a month ago they throw a big party for Tommy and now nothing, not even a hint.

Okay, Tommy is higher rank, he is married to Maria, everyone sees him as a guide just as they see his partner.

And he goes on patrols, certainly offering others a greater sense of security and protection, unlike you who deal with less dangerous things.

That's probably why, you're just a minion in Jackson's pecking order.

You let off some steam by plowing your field with more force than necessary, small drops of sweat slide down your forehead and you end up hot and with your arms aching from the effort.

Stupid girl, stop thinking about it, it's not that important to have a birthday, not in a post apocalyptic world where everyone is struggling to get ahead.

But still, they acknowledged every single special day of everyone’s here before, except yours and nothing particularly relevant is happening, it’s been a couple of quiet weeks.

You're wiping sweat from your forehead with one hand when you hear a voice behind you.

"What are you doing tonight?" It's his voice, you'd recognize his among a thousand.

You turn around stuttering “uh, what?”

And there he is, flannel shirt, curls slightly blowing in the wind, mouth curved in a smirk, dark piercing eyes.

Fuck.

“I asked…what are you doing tonight?”

You feel the nervousness rising in your chest, it's the first time he's spoken to you in a week and you weren't ready in the slightest.

“Uh…oh…nothing special, I guess, I think I'll read a book and go to sleep early”

you say trying to maintain a certain apparent nonchalance.

“You didn't mention dinner, are you going to fast?” Oh, great. Sarcastic jokes, classic Miller behavior.

“No, of course not,” you reply, rolling your eyes.

He chuckles “okay, so, would you like to come to my house? I cook”

Fuck. Is that, a date?

You instantly feel your mouth dry as you try to reply “Well, it’s not like I have something better to do so yes, why not”

You don't want to make it obvious to this man how he makes you feel. There are worse things to worry about in this world, but letting yourself go with someone who always shows restraint only to be rejected - on your birthday, no less - doesn't seem as pleasant.

And that's how you usually communicate anyway, bickering.

Maria often laughs about it, you are both stubborn and neither of you ever wants to agree with the other.

One day she told you that she thinks you'll end up together and you practically laughed in her face. Not because you don't want to, but because you thought Joel didn't even see you that way.

Maybe Maria was right all along, who knows.

“Good, see you at 7”

And he goes.

You watch him walk away for a while, still with spade in your hands.

Suddenly this day became interesting.

You run into the house and take off your dirty clothes throwing them in the basket you keep in the bathroom and go to the shower.

While you're soaping yourself up you wonder what came into his mind.

As you rub your hair, you think that maybe he's making fun of you but Joel doesn't seem like the type to make a prank, he's always quite sarcastic but not a proper prankster.

It's part of his charm, he always looks grumpy but you know he's not bad, the way he looks at Ellie or his brother says everything about him.

He would do anything for the people he loves.

And he’s not mean, he was kind to you too.

You've spent more time looking at him, analyzing every chat you had with him than you like to admit, so yeah, you're pretty sure he's okay.

Once you get out of the shower you open the wardrobe and find yourself contemplating the usual clothes with which you have to make the best of things.

There is a cute dress that you have never worn because you have never found a particular occasion. It's quite short and low-cut, definitely not suited to Jackson's lifestyle, here everyone wears jeans and sweaters or t-shirts.

You think that maybe tonight is the time to dare even if you don't want him to burst out laughing and ask you what you've got in your head.

It's just a dinner.

He never mentioned anything romantic.

You're obviously nervous, because you like him and if it doesn't go well you should continue to see him every day anyway.

In the end you decide to wear the dress anyway but to tone it down with a cardigan and a pair of boots, so as to make it look less like "please fuck me" style.

You shake your head, how much trouble are you going to for Joel Miller.

However, you have to admit that it's the first really exciting thing that's happened to you since you've been here. You thought that surviving was enough so you obviously never complained about it.

You fix your hair after drying it, you look at yourself in the mirror and you think that you're not that bad after all.

It's almost time, you leave the house and walk the few meters that separate you from Joel's house with your heart beating wildly in your chest.

You climb the few steps to his porch feeling insecure and stupid for accepting, who knows what you expect from this lonely man.

You shrug and knock on the door, snuggling into your cardigan in the cool evening air.

You consider going back and pretending you had a mishap, but Joel opens the door.

“Hey, come in” he smiles at you. You cross the threshold timidly as a delicious scent invades your nostrils.

Who knew Joel Miller could cook?

You follow him into the kitchen and Joel pours you a glass of wine.

“Where did you find this?” you ask in surprise. Wine is a luxury that you haven't been able to afford many times in Jackson, usually the only thing they bring back after searches and patrols are bottles of cheap whiskey.

“I found it two km from here in an abandoned shop. It was stuck under a shelf, probably for years”

“Oh, great”

“Well they say that aged wines are better. Like men, don't you agree?” He smiles, winking at you.

He winked.

Fuck.

You try to hide your surprise by taking a long sip from your glass.

While Joel is busy checking on the stew you take a look around the living room.

It's a nice house, simply furnished like all the houses in Jackson, tidy and clean.

There are some sheets with drawings on the coffee table in front of the couch. You know Joel made them because you've seen him several times on his porch busy drawing animals. A squirrel, a deer, a small bird. He's really good at it.

And obviously his guitar, resting on a stand in a corner near the couch.

In a totally cheesy way you would love to hear him play something for you.

“So, do you like wine?”

You turn and see that he is a few steps away from you, glass in hand.

“Uhm, yeah, it’s good”

He gives you a smile “stew is almost ready”

“Can I help you with something?”

“No, don’t worry, you’re the guest”

You see him linger with his gaze on your legs and up to your breasts and you think that the dress wasn't such a bad idea after all.

He is wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans and is breathtaking.

You scan each other for a few seconds, without speaking. You are like two predators sniffing each other to see who will give in first.

“That dress looks good on you” he finally says and for the first time you notice that he is slightly embarrassed. He looks down at his glass and stares at it harder than necessary.

You still don't know why he invited you tonight but honestly at this point you don't even care. He's more handsome than ever, his hair still slightly damp from the shower and pulled back, that little scar on his cheek that you'd be eager to find out the story of, that smile he's giving you and his hands nervously gripping the glass, everything about him draws you in like a magnet.

"Thank you. You're not bad either." You giggle and you know that it’s definitely what you needed tonight. To feel attractive. To feel seen.

He comes back to the kitchen and after a few seconds he calls you “Dinner’s ready”

You sit at the table in the kitchen and he places a plate in front of you that smells of home, of memories and takes you back to when you were little and your mom cooked for you.

It's like Proust's madeleine.

Evoking sweet feelings with food is one of your favorite things to remember who you were, who you loved, and what was before this debacle.

It's melancholy but also comfort in a certain way, it's like holding on to the truest and most authentic part of you, the one that made you who you are today and probably allowed you to survive.

You take a bite as Joel looks at you in anticipation.

“Wow, this is good!” you exclaim “extremely good. Who knew that you were a chef”

“Ha! I’m really not, it’s just a stew and I’ve done it so many time that I can’t get it wrong at this point”

“It's still the best I've had in years, I need to get invited to dinner more often”

You chuckle and then you blush, because you've made it clear that you hope it's the first of many times.

Damn you.

You hadn't had a love interest in years, obviously, there wasn't time to think about that while the world burned and you had to fight to stay alive. But here, in this little bubble, where people have welcomed you and you have recovered crumbs of normality, it doesn't seem too stupid to feel something for Joel.

Is he grumpy? Sometimes. But he is also incredibly generous, to be honest. When you asked him, a formal contractor, to help you create the library he snorted, he told you that it wasn't necessary, that no one would ever go there anyway.

You shrugged and said that you would have done it anyway with or without his help, Maria had already given you permission.

The next morning you got up early to go and clean up the designated building and found him there, he was repairing a damaged window that wouldn't go up or down.

He grumbled when you asked him ironically what he was doing “someone has to stop you from opening a crumbling library”

You smiled, feeling your heart warm.

And so it was every day until the place was ready. Joel showed up early in the morning or in the evening, spent a few hours fixing the steps, eradicating moths, building shelves and cabinets, even a desk for you.

You've never talked in depth about your lives but you still know something you've heard through the grapevine. He's very secretive about his past so you never asked him any uncomfortable questions, the last thing you would want is for him to never share anything with you again.

The time he helped you with the library was the most enjoyable time you've had here so far and that's when you realized that your crush was more serious than expected.

“Do you want another glass of wine?”

“Why not, i don’t have to drive home”

He laughs “Yeah, no fines for you”

“At most a headache, but I'll think about that in the morning”

“Were you surprised when I invited you?”

he leaves you speechless for a moment and then you find, you don't know how, the strength to use irony, like you always do "I've known for a long time that you want me" you giggle and brush your hair away from your face while you say it.

"Oh yes? How strange, I actually thought it was the opposite” the smirk and the deep chuckle he gives to you goes straight to the most private part of you. Right there. It sits on your clit and you feel it tingling.

Fuck, this man.

You never experienced a flirty Joel Miller before and you were actually quite sure he wasn’t even capable of being so but he is.

“Oh shut up, finish eating” you scoff, feeling your cheeks turn on fire.

He lets go for a while and watches you amusedly fill your mouth with his stew.

“It's a pleasure to see you eat, little finch”

He started calling you that when you couldn't move the furniture in the library on your own. "I don't know how you thought you could manage on your own, little finch."

At first you hated it, now you pretend to hate it but you actually like it.

“Stop calling me that!” you still have to keep up a facade after all.

“Oh come on, finch is the cutest bird, don’t be offended”

“I’m no bird” you pout.

“Yep you are, finch. Delicate. Elegant. Pretty. You walk like you’re floating in the light air and your voice is a lovely chirping sound. It gets on my nerves sometimes, but I actually like it. A lot.”

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

You can't believe he said that.

You feel your heart melt like snow under the sun, your lips involuntarily curl into a smile, your hands tremble with the desire to touching him and between your legs a lustful heat invades you all over.

His face is relaxed, his eyes sparkle mischievously and his smile…his smile pins you to the chair.

You raise your glass in an attempt to drink some courage while he doesn't stop looking at you silently.

Just enough time to bring your lips close to the glass and you find yourself coughing, you're too distracted and the wine goes sideways.

Obviously.

You can't help but look like a fool in front of him, you don't even know how he thinks you're elegant.

“Jesus, are you okay?” he asks in alarm as he reaches up to wrap his arm around your back and pat you lightly.

To your surprise, his large, calloused hands can be very gentle.

“Oh my god, yes, yes I’m okay” you reply between coughs "I'll get over it now"

Now that he knows that you will survive he sits back down to his chair and scrutinizes you with an amused expression.

“Did I go too hard on you?”

“What? No, not all” you reply red-faced, while trying to regain some composure.

“Okay, if you say so” he places a hand on yours gripping the table “Has it passed?”

“Yeah, I think it is” You pour a little water into the other glass he has set and drink, this time slowly.

Finally you feel your breathing return to regularity and your cough gradually subside.“Thank goodness, little finch, think if I should have taken you to the doctor in that lovely dress” and laughs.

You've never seen him laugh so much.

He is intelligible most of the time but tonight he is an open book.

“What's wrong with this dress, Miller?” you ask, ironically, you may be clumsy but not to this point and you want to try to get back at him.

"Nothing. You don't see many of them in Jackson, that's all."

“It doesn't look like anything special to me,” you say, as you realize he's staring insistently at your tits. “Do you see anything special, Miller?”

He shrugs “It’s pretty low cut for nothing”

You bend over slightly, resting your forearms on the table smiling at him, exposing your boobs even more. He is sitting in front of you and still watching at them.

“You're pretty good at it after all, little finch” his eyes have become darker and it's as if a small flame is burning inside them.

You feel a certain pride rising in your chest.

“Now you look like the embarrassed one, Miller, have you seen how things have changed?” Your smirk doesn't go unnoticed by Joel who squirms in his seat as if it has suddenly become uncomfortable.

"Can you tell me something? Why did you invite me tonight?” you’re pushing him, and you know it. And actually, you like it, for once you feel like you have the upper hand.

“Isn't it obvious, finch?” he mutter.

“Maybe, but I'd like to hear it from you. Use your words, Miller, I know you can."

“When you asked me to help you to arrange the library I thought you were crazy. Then I realized I was wrong. It was a nice idea. It was a great idea actually. No one here can go anywhere anymore, and in any case there is nowhere you can go so it is comforting to know that there is always a way to take refuge elsewhere, at least for a few hours, reading a great book. So yes, finch, I like you. I like you because you gave us back some beauty.”

“Fuck Miller, you can make speeches whenever you want”

“It's just one of the reasons I like you, you’re also smart and thoughtful and gorgeous but yeah, that’s it, I’ve said it”

His gaze is languid, you'd almost say longing. Maybe you managed to scratch a small piece of the invisible armor he built to protect himself.

One moment you were bickering as usual and the next Joel fucking Miller left you speechless.

No sarcasm, not an ounce of irony, he sounds sensitive and vulnerable.

It's so strange to see him in this light, the only other time it happened to you you were in the library, he found a children's book and held it in his hands looking at it in silence.

For a moment you could have sworn you saw tears in his eyes, he looked helpless and hurt and then it was the usual Joel, complaining about the mess and the weight of the boxes you had made him lift that gave nightmares to his back.

You get up from the chair without even realizing it, as if it were an involuntary movement that your body needs.

You stop in front of him, who is still sitting, his arms abandoned on the table, his gaze following you questioningly.

You put a hand in his hair and let it run through his dark curls while he instinctively closes his eyes, abandoning himself completely under your touch.

You would like to say something but you don't want to ruin the moment and in any case you can't find any words suitable to describe how you feel.

Moved, yearning, grateful, overwhelmed?

All these things together at the same time.

You let your hand linger on the base of his neck, stroking softly

“Look at me” you whisper.

And his gaze turns, his whole body turns, and you've never seen him so clearly. He rests his large hands on your hips and his gaze pierces you as he lands on yours.

You feel his grip tighten as you lean over him and leave a shy kiss on his lips. Small. Brief. And another, instinctively. And yet another.

And another until his lips part on yours and fit perfectly in a long sigh. He tastes like wine and loneliness and desire.

It’s manly but tender and demanding for more.

Your tongues meet and it's like an electric shock that surprises you but at the same time it's inevitable like when two surfaces rub together generating energy, it is an unwritten physical law that holds you together despite having used all your strength to keep each other at a distance for months.

Now, all you can do is give up.

You kiss him like it's the last thing you do in your life, his eager hands roam your hips, gripping your ass and squeezing tightly.

He part from your lips just the time to stand up and wrapping you entirely in his arms, his mouth searching for yours again, eager, his hands stroking your back while you feel just like a little finch in the most comfortable nest you could find.

“God, I want you” he mutter in your ear nuzzling at your sensitive skin.

“Take me. Just… take me, Joel”

It’s a dreadful need that you feel deep in your bone, the last shred of love you could find in this broken world, a sweet feeling of release that you desperately wanted.

You can’t think straight and don’t want to.

He take off your cardigan and reaches for the hem of your dress and lifts it up roaming your thighs feverishly, squeezing and stroking, his fingers digging into your flesh as you moan softly into his ear. He pulls it up to your waist and you help slide it off your head.

He bends down to take off your boots and throws them on the floor in an unspecified place, then he gets up and takes you back in his arms. He's still dressed while you're almost naked and exposed in a pair of black lace panties and a matching bra. You might be intimidated but you're not. You let yourself be held and explored by his hands. His calloused fingers, rough but gentle, touch you everywhere, giving you goosebumps. He lifts a hand to one of your breast and squeezes it through the fabric.

You can't help but let out a muffled moan while he is filling his hand with your flesh.

“Do you like it, finch? Me squeezing your boob?” he says in a whisper, looking into your eyes.

“Y-yes” you mumble “give me more”

There's a smug, lecherous smile painted on his face as he reaches for your bra and unclasps it with a single gesture.

He slides it off and drops it on the kitchen floor. Your nipples stiffen in an instant, hit by the air, he takes one between his fingers and pinches it, pulling it gently and then his mouth is on it swirling his tongue and sucking it. You squirm at the sensation, digging your hand into his hair again, pushing his face into your breast “more, more” you stammer. You feel his smile spread across your skin and his teeth bite lightly into you.

“You’re ravenous, aren’t you?”

You pull his hair and tilt his face slightly to regain eye contact. “Do you mind?”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

“Good, you can continue doing what you were doing” you smile defiantly. You like to provoke him, especially now.

“You're bossy for a little finch, I like that”

he smiles back, his eyes shining bright with thrill and anticipation.

He returns to greedily licking and sucking like a thirsty man on your nipples, another loud moan escape from your lips.

“Fuck, you’re so good”

“I just started with you, you have no idea what awaits you” he whispers.

“Mmm then less talking, Miller, show me”

Without having to be told twice, he picks you up, much to your surprise, and places you on his couch in the living room.

“Woah, Miller, easy”

“You told me not to waste time talking” he shrugs. chuckling.

He pulls you to the edge of the couch “spread your legs”

You open your legs a little but he is visibly not satisfied, he takes your knees and opens them more "Like this. Now stay still” he orders.

He kneels between your thighs and pulls your panties aside.

You feel his fingers trail up your thigh, slowly, taking the time to slide lightly over your skin, causing you a mixture of tickling and excitement.

You writhe when you feel his index finger grazing your pussy lips, wandering up and down caressing for a little bit before sliding it between them and wetting it completely in your juices.

“You’re soaking wet, baby”

You can literally feel your cunt dripping when he keeps going up and down, briefly sinking into your hole with the tip of his finger and then on your clit, moving in circle with two fingers over your bundle of nerves.

You’re whining again, you’re growing impatient and he perfectly knows that

“Joel…”

“Yes, Finch?”

“You're doing it again”

“What”

“You know what. Do you want to torture me?”

"No. I just want you to beg me."

“God, you’re impossible” you roll your eyes out of exhaustion and arousal.

He stops completely.

“So are you, babe. Can you please let me do what I know best?”

He presses on your clit with two fingers and you squirm.

“Fuck. Okay”

He starts teasing your clit again, moving his fingers up and down to gather your wetness and spread it all over your lips.

“The thing is, finch, your pussy is so good. Look at her, I can’t rush it. She deserves to be loved nicely and slowly”

He is sitting on his heels just taking his time with you and you can’t be more eager to have him in your hole but you breath, resigned to wait for his pace.

He teases your entrance again, this time with two fingers, pushing in a little deeper.

His thumb is still taking care of your clit, moving a little faster than before.

“Eyes on me, babe”

And you do, you lock your eyes with his and you see hunger and lust and wonder.

He’s admiring you and you feel flattered.

He brings his face closer and sticks his tongue out, licking you from bottom to top and then again, letting it slide between your lips.

His beard is scratching you, his tongue stops on your clit swirling around it, jerking it slowly, again and again until you see him closing his lips on it and sucking gently.

He’s devouring you at this point and you mewl and cry and scream for more.

“Jesus - fuck - oh my goodness”

Your fingers are entwined into his curls and you’re pushing his face against you as much as you can, his tongue is fucking your hole now, he delves into you and lick all he can and you start to feel an incredible warmth rising from your core, in your tummy, to your chest.

He finally lets his index and middle finger sliding into you, pumping slowly in and out of your dripping wet cunt.

“Joel, oh my God I - ha! - I can’t, oh God”

“Yes, you can. Just like that, baby, give it to me” he whispers softly against your skin.

You’re on the verge of coming, the most incredible orgasm is knocking at your senses, overwhelming and brutally crushing into you.

“I’m com - oh GOD - yes,Joel, fuck”

He praises you again “come for me, soak my fingers, come on”

And you do. You gush all over his fingers like it was the last thing you do in the world, your legs shake and your heart reach an impossible pace that leaves you breathless.

He keeps licking and pumping into you until you calm and you can’t take your eyes off him bowed between your thighs, he drives you wild.

He stands up grunting at his poor knees and you giggle, he raises an eyebrow at you

“I wouldn't laugh considering the fact that I just made you scream my name”

He sits down on the couch next to you, circling your waist with his big strong arm and pushing you against him.

You bury your face in his chest “Aw, you’re so touchy, Miller” and you giggle again.

“You’re such a little brat.” He says, stroking your hair “But see? I wasn’t lying. It's been many years since I last did this but I still know what to do”

You raise your eyes at him “yeah, I give you that. You’re fucking good” and you place a kiss on the hairless part of his beard “but I-”

“What?” he interrupts you, looking at you maliciously

You bite your lower lip, feeling hot again just for the way he’s holding you tightly watching you with lust in his eyes.

“I want your cock”

“Oh. It’s time to beg, baby”

“Joel…”

“Beg for it, little finch” he’s smiling but his voice is firm and slightly authoritative

“I never beg” you scoff

“You will start now, sweetie, if you want to see me naked”

You look at him with exasperation, rolling your eyes immediately after “okay, Jesus. Can you please give me your cock?”

“Manners, babe. Ask gently”

You ask yourself what have you done wrong to fall for such an unbearable man “Good Lord”

“Beg with conviction”

“Joel Miller, could you do me the courtesy of fucking me? Please?”

You’re smirking hard. You definitely love to get on his nerves.

“You’re getting into trouble with this attitude, you know that?” He reaches one of your nipples and pinches it hard making you whimper into his arms.

You turn serious, looking him in the eyes intensely, licking your lip before saying “Fuck me, Joel. Please.”

“Mmm yes, just like that baby, it didn't take much”

He finally stands up in front of you. He takes off his shirt, revealing a strong, broad chest.

You can see a thin strip of hair disappearing under his jeans but apart from that he is almost hairless, his skin is delightfully dotted with freckles that make your mouth water.

He throws off his shirt and bends over to remove his boots.

Your eyes linger on his back, on his tense, rippling muscles, you can't believe how gorgeous he is, after all you think it was worth begging for this but you will never tell him.

He unzips his jeans and takes them off, remaining in his boxers. The sight of his deliciously soft tummy drives you completely insane. You’re craving him like you never did with anyone before.

“Kneel on the couch for me, baby” he orders and you immediately do, you turn your head just in time to see him taking off his boxers, freeing his already hard and swollen cock. Your knees sink into the pillows and your hands rest on the armrest, you are completely exposed to his will.

He gets behind you on his knees, gripping your hips and pulling you towards him.

“Fuck me Joel, please, fuck me now” you cry

“Such a good girl, begging for my cock like that. You learn quickly, little finch”

You only feel the tip poking at your entrance, he slides his cock against your dripping folds “Beg once more, babe”

You writhe, it’s more than you can take right now, you want him desperately.

“Please, Joel. Please” your voice sounds distraught but you don’t care, not now.

He enters you with a single thrust that makes you scream “Fuck!”

He’s big, so big that his cock burns in your center.

“I told you you were getting into trouble, baby, if you wanted me to be gentle you should have behaved better”

It's a small punishment you can bear, after a few seconds you already got used to his intrusion, you never felt so full before and right now you couldn’t ask for anything better.

He begins to move slowly, in and out of you, sinking deeper each time and reaching that spot that makes you see stars.

His loud grunts numb your head, his fingers dig into your hips as he thrusts into you, maybe he will leave some marks and the thought excite you even more.

“Oh God, please don’t stop, please”

He’s pounding into you incessantly, every thrust more deep leaving you short breath, you’re so wet that every lewd sounds coming from your cunt is making you feel like you’re on the brink of falling apart.

“Fuck, you look so pretty like that, babe, the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, so perfect for me”

You whine even more at his praises, feeling your pussy clenching hard around his cock.

“Joel please I’m-”

“I know baby, I know, I can feel you, squeezing my cock just right, God you’re taking me so good”

You basically spasm on his cock right now, legs trembling as your sink your fingers in the fabric of the couch desperately trying to hold your posture.

He holds you tightly by your hips, grunting with each thrust into you, hitting your cervix again and again.

“Come for me baby, come all over my cock”

You’re quivering so hard that you almost think of being on the verge of losing your mind.

You cry his name feeling so full and dazed while your orgasm explodes inside you.

He pumps into you until you calm down but he’s still throbbing against your walls “Where do you want me?”

“On my tits - please”

He comes out of you and you lie down on his couch, his throbbing cock is in front of you, he takes it in his hand, milking it a couple of time before releasing his cum all over you. He moans loudly as he paints your tits and chest with his pleasure.

He lies down on top of you, groaning “God, this was amazing”

You feel his sticky seed spreading on your skin but you don't care, you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him softly.

He moves to the side so as not to weigh you down and takes you in his arms again.

You hide your face for a moment in the crook of his neck, inhaling his woody, citrusy perfume, with a hint of the natural sweaty scent of his skin. He smells amazingly.

“I could get used to it” you giggle

“Me too, little finch” and he leaves a kiss on your hair.

“Oh, you made completely forgot about it, do you know what day it is today?”

“No, should I?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you. It’s my birthday.”

His eyes widen, “Really?”

“Yep”

“Well then happy birthday. Did you like your present?”

“It’s the best I’ve ever received”

You kiss him again, knowing how true it is.

“We should take a shower,” he laughs.

“Yeah, you’re… well…all over me…but to be honest, I like it.”

He smiles widely “Come on little finch, I might have another gift for you in the bathroom”

“Oh, then I can’t wait to unwrap it”

#pedro pascal #fanfic #joel miller #joel the last of us #joel tlou #the last of us #one shot #joel miller x oc #joel miller x original character #joel miller x reader #soft joel miller #grumpy joel miller

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itscrazy-itsparty · 2 years

Text

ESC2023 Reaction Post

Just like the title said, I'm writing this post as I listen to most of the 2023 entries for the first time. So far, I have only heard Italy (of course), Spain, Finland, Serbia, Portugal (I just couldn't miss their national finals), and Norway (heard it in the wild).

My top 6 of these entries would look like this:

1. Finland: Käärijä - "Cha Cha Cha"

I've definitely caught the Cha Cha Cha fever! At this point, I've streamed it 240 times in less than a month. It's an instant dopamine boost, it hits several spots of my taste in music, the transition between the two halves of the song is seamless and reflects the lyrics perfectly (I recommend Eurovision Histories' analysis of the song, he explains it really well), Käärijä is such a charismatic performer and an absolute sweetheart, but most of all...

2. Spain: Blanca Paloma - "Eaea"

I rarely cry over a song, so when one does manage to get my eyes wet, it must be special. The fusion between flamenco and a contemporary production, together with Blanca Paloma's flawless and intense vocals, make "Eaea" a contender not only in my ears, but also in my eyes, as the staging completes the package effectively. Hopefully she doesn't change it much for Liverpool!

3. Serbia: Luke Black - "Samo Mi Se Spava"

It seems like Konstrakta might have paved the way for a more experimental side of the Serbian music scene! I first heard "Samo Mi Se Spava" at Pesma za Evroviziju's final and, while I loved the dark electro-pop style, I was also left a little confused - maybe it was the vocals that I couldn't fully get? But with more listens, I've now warmed up to it. Its only flaw is that it's too short. Give me a 7-minute long extended mix with a drop going absolutely bonkers, please.

4. Italy: Marco Mengoni - "Due Vite"

Yes, it's a classic Sanremo-style ballad. But the artist can make or break this kind of songs with their way of singing, and Marco definitely makes it with his distinctive vocals and artistry. While he has a bunch of upbeat bangers and I would have loved him to show this different side of his music this time around, I really can't complain as "Due Vite" makes yet another entry we can be proud of. Forza Marco!

5. Portugal: Mimicat - "Ai Coração"

This keeps growing on me! Such a cute and classy song, retro sounding in the best way. Portugal is one of my favourite country in the ESC, and "Ai coração" is faithful to their brand. Mimicat is such an endearing performer and definitely sells the song!

6. Norway: Alessandra - "Queen of Kings"

It's 'last' as for now, but I'm sure it won't be last in my overall ranking! In fact, I can't see it dropping outside of my top 20 once I've heard all of the entries. Epic feel, pumping bass, powerful vocals - I wouldn't be surprised if "Queen of Kings" landed the second top 10 placement in a row for Norway. Bonus points for Alessandra being half Italian!

Needless to say, I really enjoy all of these songs. It feels so hard for me to imagine a personal winner other than "Cha Cha Cha", but maybe I'll be surprised...

Now to my live reaction to the remaining 31 entries: what I'm going to do is play ESCBEAT's Spotify playlist on shuffle without looking at the title, so I'll make it even more interesting for myself and try to guess which country's song is playing - with the exceptions of Armenia and San Marino, as they're not available on Spotify yet so I'll check them out individually on YouTube.

Armenia: Brunette - "Future Lover"

Ok, before the song starts, let me say that basing her song on Tumblr quotes is honestly iconic behaviour. Truly one of us. However I fear I won't be able to take it 100% seriously after reading this fact.

Alright.

After listening: you know what... it makes a lot more sense to me now. The first verse can be interpreted as her scrolling her dashboard, reading such posts and fantasizing over this ideal partner to do all of these cute and mundane things with. The second verse is when she gets hit by reality and acknowledges that she's spent so much time obsessing over someone who doesn't even exist, and that realization hits her hard. The music seems to explode together with the racing thoughts in her mind. Solid, r&b-tinted track, has potential to be a memorable moment on the Liverpool stage. Oh, and once again Armenia shows that they're capable to make a music video.

San Marino: Piqued Jacks - "Like an Animal"

I have already read the lyrics to that, and they are definitely Something™. Let's see if the music and the performance can make up for it...

I was expecting so much worse from what I've read around the eurofandom spaces? It's a pleasant, very well sung rock song. The lyrics didn't even bother me that much while listening, although they're kinda awkward indeed. Maybe they'll change them up in the upcoming revamp?

Now to shuffling the Spotify playlist.

Sweden: Loreen - "Tattoo"

Oh, this has to be Tattoo. The start is indeed a bit reminiscing of The Winner Takes It All! It's what Sweden can do best - a strong pop song with slick production, in which Loreen's personality and artistry is the added value. I wish she had presented something more experimental, but seeing how it went with "Statements", can we really blame her? "Tattoo" does sound like a jury winner, and it would surely be deserved. I'm sure it's even better live - I'll make sure to check her Melfest performance out!

Australia: Voyager - "Promise"

Have no idea of what this could be, but the sound is interesting. Hope the build-up does not disappoint.

Okay, it has to be Australia! I was expecting it to evolve into a full-on dance-pop song, lmao.

I'm digging this! "Dreamer" was a national final favourite of mine last year, and while I'm not sure I like "Promise" more, I still did like it a lot, and I can hear some common patterns between the two songs - poppier verses, the chorus suddenly getting heavier, and then the peak in the breakdown and the final chorus. Oh, and there's a short but sweet guitar solo in here! I wonder how it will be received on the ESC stage, as it might come across as confusing to some.

Slovenia: Joker Out - "Carpe Diem"

Is this Joker Out? I've been SO curious to hear their song, as I heard some of their back catalogue and it sounds really cool.

OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. Such a strong indie-rock banger, reminiscent of what I used to hear on the alternative radio stations in the mid 00s, but still sounding fresh in 2023. Also Slovene sounds adorable together with rock music. It's been absolutely worth the wait! I NEED THIS TO QUALIFY OKAY.

Austria: Teya & Salena - "Who the Hell Is Edgar"

OH MY GOD YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD WRITER. Yeah, recognized it instantly. MASSIVE BOP ALREADY. Was... not expecting this opera bit.

POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE EDGAR ALLAN EDGAR ALLAN

Everyone stand up for the new Austrian anthem. Honestly iconic. Loving it unironically, great production, love me some satire, and I trust them to deliver live. Hope they go bonkers with the staging. I feel like ranking these entries is going to be hell...

Switzerland: Remo Forrer - "Watergun"

Oh, piano intro.

Army mention. Switzerland, isn't it?

Not bad, just sounds kinda cliché so far... very nice voice though. Can't see myself replaying it. Probably going to end up in my bottom 10.

Georgia: Iru - "Echo"

This is a banging intro, I'm listening respectfully.

...Georgia?

There's going to be a drop, I hope so...

I'm... disappointed so far? Not really hearing the build-up I was hoping for. It seems to be a fan favourite, but I'm not getting it. Maybe it will grow on me, who knows?

Moldova: Pasha Parfeni - "Soarele si Luna"

ROMANIAN. Has to be Pasha. Another song I was eager to hear!

THE DROP. THANKS FOR MY DAILY DOSE OF DOPAMINE. THIS IS SO GOOD HELP. The bass, the flute, the backing vocals, everything. This might be my favourite Moldovan entry ever. Pasha Parfeni came on this bitch mad as hell. Welcome back!

Azerbaijan: TuralTuranX - "Tell Me More"

Automatic voice message? This sounds kinda unserious idk why.

Oh, it has to be Azerbaijan.

I'm glad they left the artists more creative control this time around, but this is really not doing it for me. It sounds like the demo to some 90s song. My last so far. I fear this won't do well and the delegation will go back to Melfest rejects...

Ireland: Wild Youth - "We Are One"

We take our first breath and then we exhale. King of teaching us how to breathe. Can't figure out which entry this is, but it sounds cliché so far.

Oh, Ireland. Wild Youth, what have you done? I already knew their song "Can't Say No" and it's so good, are we sure it's the same band? It's like they came together and decided to deliberately write the most stereotypical ESC song. It's a no from me.

Latvia: Sudden Lights - "Aijā"

Interesting beat, wonder where it's going to go from here. Oh, guitars.

5/4 to 6/8 tempo transition? A bit confusing but in a good way, I'm enjoying it a lot! Definitely original. Could it be Latvia? I've been VERY curious to hear it.

Well, he's saying Aijā now so no doubt. First impression is really good already, but I feel like I'll end up being obsessed!

Malta: The Busker - Dance (Our Own Party)

Funky pop, nice. Enjoying it more and more as it progresses, and that sax? *chef's kiss*. It's sensual, retro but there's also something a bit futuristic about it at the same time? Still not sure about what it is, even now that the song is coming to an end. Kinda want to say Malta? I'll figure this out by exclusion. What's sure is that it slaps.

(Spoiler: it was indeed Malta)

Romania: Theodor Andrei - "D.G.T. (Off and On)"

Is it Romanian again? Thought Romania's entry was in English, so this is surprising. And it's pretty good? This was one of the entries I just couldn't figure out the vibe of from the eurofans' comments, and I'm positively surprised honestly! Was expecting it to be maybe more upbeat, definitely was not picturing this jazz-rock fusion. Oh, turns out it's bilingual. I don't know how memorable it will be in the mix, but it's solid. Such a diverse lineup so far, it's shaping up to be a stronger year than I thought!

Albania: Albina & Familja Kelmendi - "Duje"

Oh, this lady CAN vocalize! Something in the Albanian water...

I was expecting this to be more ballad-y for some reason but it's making me want to shake my ass. I feel like something in the production/mixing is holding it back a bit, though. Overall it's Albania doing Albania, and I can't complain.

Iceland: Diljá - "Power"

Iceland time, I think? I'm enjoying it a lot so far. EDM hasn't been particularly successful at ESC, but she has a lovely voice and her winning Söngvakeppnin suggests to me that she can deliver live, so this could be a dark horse!

Denmark: Reiley - "Breaking My Heart"

Very modern production for this and vocoder for this next song. Okay, this is probably Denmark. It's most likely not going to be one of my favourites, but it's a personal taste thing. It's a solid pop song, hope he can deliver it live.

Estonia: Alika - "Bridges"

Now a lovely tone of voice being accompanied by just a piano and strings. I've lost count of which songs are left to listen to, and while I'm at the last chorus, I'm still struggling to figure out which country this is. WAIT IT'S ALIKA FKFHFKFHDKDH. Girlie said "bridges" a ton of times and I didn't catch it lmao. Really liked it though! It could stand out in a less balladful year like this one.

Czechia: Vesna - "My Sister's Crown"

FINALLY HEARING VESNA'S SONG!!!! This has been so hard to resist BUT GOD HAS IT BEEN WORTH THE WAIT. I've been listening to their music for some time and I was so excited when they were announced for ESCZ. It's what I was expecting from them and more: a gorgeously sung, very well produced folk-pop tune, and the rap verses are such a great surprise! Up to my top 5 you go.

Belgium: Gustaph - "Because of You"

Gustaph delivers some good old eurodance, and I can tell this is going to be a sort of guilty pleasure for me... except I do not, in fact, feel guilty. It's the good kind of dated. Good job on bringing out the 90s kid in me!

United Kingdom: Mae Muller - "I Wrote a Song"

Sounds like slick pop so far. Oh this is building up nicely.

Yes, the UK delivering a quality, very radio-friendly host entry. They seem to be determined in changing their course, and hopefully we'll see a competent enough staging to bring out the entry's potential!

Greece: Victor Vernicos - "What They Say"

Is it Greece? Cute song, I just think I'm not the audience for it. He's really young and this seems to be his first performance on a big stage, so I'm a bit worried about how he might cope with nerves... But then again, there have been 16-year-olds who did amazing on the ESC stage, so fingers crossed!

Croatia: Let3 - "Mama ŠČ"

CROATIA TIME LET'S SEE

This is as all over the place as I was expecting, it's far from a musical masterpiece but it's clearly not meant to be. They're just vibing, and I support that.

Cyprus: Andrew Lambrou - "Break a Broken Heart"

What in the Imagine Dragons is this? Oh, that's Cyprus. This is pretty good, I just don't see myself coming back to it much. But I feel like it's the kind of song that might be elevated a lot by strong staging.

Poland TVP: Blanka - "Solo"

BEYBAH ITS KAINDA CRAYZAH.

...yeah. It's a song. I get those who say it sounds like a Margaret song, but it's also giving me early 00s vibes. At the same time, while I'm a slut for early 00s pop, this is giving me nothing. And the context around it makes everything worse.

Israel: Noa Kirel - "Unicorn"

I've heard "Unicorn" is a messy song, now I'll get to witness it for myself. So far it's a respectable dance-pop entry, but that "power of the unicorn" sounds so random ngl.

Oh well. This is definitely a song meant FOR a staging. The breakdown after the repeated "do you want to see me dance?" line reminded me of kpop a bit. The ending was... so abrupt?

Netherlands: Mia Nicolai & Dion Cooper - "Burning Daylight"

This might be the Netherlands' entry? You can surely hear Duncan Laurence in it. I was afraid it would sound too forced as a song and a duet, but it's flowing well so far. However I'm not a fan of what the drums sound like. They sound... buried? I liked it the most until the second chorus.

Germany: Lord of the Lost - "Blood & Glitter"

Metal? In MY Eurovision Song Contest? Love to hear it, especially from Germany, since it seemed like they were stuck in their safe approach to the competition. As for the song itself... maybe I'll warm up to it with time, but on a first impression, I like the intro and the verses a lot, the chorus not as much. The ending was great!

Ukraine: Tvorchi - "Heart of Steel"

Oh, what's this? Slightly off-beat chorus, very interesting!

Right, Ukraine! Tvorchi use their host entry privilege to bring something we've never heard at the ESC before, and definitely a change of pace from the folk-driven songs of the past couple of years, proving the richness of this country's music scene.

Lithuania: Monika Linkytė - "Stay"

ČIŪTOOOO TŪTO

Another returnee! Sweet ballad, really pleasant vocals. Turning into more of a midtempo now, with sort of marching drums. I can't remember which country is in which semi, but I wouldn't mind this in the grand final at all!

France: La Zarra - "Évidemment"

So far, so French. And yes, it's a compliment - I'm a French pop slut. It's now surprisingly evolved into pop-funk, and I'm loving it! France is truly on a great streak (STILL MAD ABOUT FULENN OKAY.) - maybe we'll see them win in the next few years?

Overall: what a year! I was planning to make an initial ranking, turns out I'm too overwhelmed right now. As the years go by, the songs seem to be less meant for a contest, and more as a bunch of stand-alone solid and diverse tunes that happen to compete with each other, therefore it feels unfair to choose some over others. I'll take my time to warm up to them, and see which ones I will come back to the most, which ones will grow on or off me.

I think Finland is still my favourite, though.

Most likely to end up in my top 10: Czechia (definitely top 5), Slovenia, Latvia, Moldova, Malta, Austria

#eurovision song contest #eurovision 2023 #esc 2023 #esc2023 #esc23 #eurovision #my posts #this is a mess but it's an accurate reflection of my mind and that's how i wanted it to be #there are probably some Takes™ in here lmao

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chuckbass-love · 4 years

Note

Johnny smut#4

Hello lovely anon. Thank you so much for this request, again, i’m sorry for the long wait but i didn’t want to write this when i didn’t have much motivation and then have it turn out any less than perfect. I hope it’s worth the wait for you and that you enjoy it.

Also a lil A/N for everyone: To everyone who has requested, i’m gonna get back on it and try and get at least 2 or 3 out per week if possible. I lost motivation for a hot minute but i’m back. I love you all so much. Also, part 7 to only love can hurt like this will be up sometime in the next week or so. I’m still working on it but i already can’t wait for you all to read.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Johnny Storm x Fem!Reader

Prompt #4: “You’d better be quiet if you don’t want to get caught”

Warning: Smut, explicit content, sexual intercourse, hair pulling, choking, mouth covering and swearing. 18+

Word Count: 5,160

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @mcustarks go check them out❤️

Best Friends Brother

As your eyes glance around the beautiful garden filled with white chairs either side of the aisle with flower arrangements all the way to the alter. You can’t help but feel utterly enchanted by the scene, it’s stunning. However, you’re in the wrong place right now, Sue specifically asked you to meet her out back to help her get ready but as soon as you turnaround to head there, you bump into Johnny of all people.

To put it simply, Johnny isn’t exactly your favourite person and you’re not his either. Well, that’s a lie. When around others you don’t get along, you don’t hate each other you just don’t really have much to say since he’s always so cocky and you’re his older sisters best friend. But behind closed doors, the sexual chemistry is off the charts and you’ve spent too many nights tangled up in his sheets to count on two hands.

No one knows about your late night rendezvous though, especially Sue. And she can never find out. It would hurt her. You’re her best friend and Johnny is her little brother. So it’s a secret and it will always remain one.

“Wow” his lips curl up into a genuine smile as his eyes take in your figure in the floor length dark purple bridesmaid dress you have on “you look, great” he says as he tugs on his bottom lip with his teeth, clearly unable to stop those dirty thoughts running wild in his head.

“Just great?” you ask, brow raising slightly before you chuckle and move to walk past him but he grabs your arm just in time to stop you from going anywhere “not just great, but gorgeous. In fact if this wasn’t my sisters wedding then i’d say you were the best looking one here” he turns his head in your direction, his dreamy blue eyes meeting yours, both filled with lust and need. But you can’t do this here. Today is Sue and Reed’s day.

“Johnny” you whisper lazily, the feel of his skin on yours makes you shiver with desire for him to fill you up, kiss you and make you cum around his cock multiple times but that will have to wait. You really need to snap out of this. So you do, you blink and look back up at him before slowly pulling away from “Sue needs me now, i have to go” and just like that he’s behind you, watching as you walk away. Mostly just to watch the way your ass moves in that dress. You can’t say you blame him though, your ass does look good.

The second you step foot indoors you hear Sue moaning about anything and everything to who sounds like Alicia.

“Your saviour is here” you announce and Sue turns around, beaming at you and you can’t help but stare at her. She looks absolutely breathtaking and her dress is the most beautiful you’ve ever seen. She looks just like a princess. Alicia then leaves to go and check on Ben, leaving you two to it.

“Sue, you look amazing” tears brim in your eyes, drowning out your vision, she spots it immediately, rushing to hand you a tissue “don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. You’ll ruin your makeup”

You take it from her, dabbing underneath your eyes before taking the eyeliner from her to re do what couldn’t be saved in time “i can’t believe you’re finally getting your big day” you finish zipping up her dress before helping her out with her veil.

“Well i’ve waited long enough” she laughs as you finish up and you turn her round so she can look at herself in the mirror.

“Now, i just need to finish my make-up. Help a girl out?”

You don’t even bother to respond, instead you start helping, picking up her bag of products. Her foundation is done so it’s just her eye makeup and lipstick that’s left to do. You go with a nice subtle smokey eye with a little silver glitter on top. Then to finish it off you apply some nude lip gloss to her lips before leaving her to do her own mascara, you would hate to mess it up after all.

“Oh i forgot to check with you, is Johnny outside?”

Even the mention of his name has an obvious effect on your body and it’s something you’ve never been able to control but instead of letting it show, you put your poker face on, clearing your throat and mumbling a quick “yes” and thank god she doesn’t catch on or say anything. You must have hid it well.

“Right, ladies the guests are arriving now and Reed is helping them all to their seats so are you ready?” Johnny pokes his head into the room and Sue nods, letting out a deep breath.

He glances at you before Sue walks over to him to make their way to the other room in which she’s going to be leaving out of to walk down the aisle, leaving you standing there sighing.

Guess it’s time for you to take your own place too. You follow closely behind them and then you and Alicia wait for your queue to go, she goes first, then you. Flowers in hand, smiling around at all of the guests, every one of them dressed up in bright colours, wedding hats galore. And as you take your place next to Alicia at the side of the alter, you watch your best friend walk down the aisle with pride. She means the world to you and if there’s one person who’s the most deserving of happiness, it’s her.

Reed wipes away tears as she stands next to him and you feel your heart melting, more tears forming. Johnny watches you from across the way, wiping your own tears of joy before his focus shifts to the vows.

Sometimes he gets urges to ask you out on a date but as quickly as those urges form, they fade. There’s not a chance in hell of you saying yes to him and he knows it. He’s just a hookup and he’s no stranger to half platonic relationships. He’s never particularly been one for commitment anyway but something about you changes his mind. Since you’ve been Sue’s best friend for god knows how long now, he’s watched many guys come and go in and out of your life. He’s watched and even listened to the many times Sue has held you whilst you cried and to tell the truth, he’s never been able to fathom why anyone would ever want to hurt you. Why anyone would ever cheat or leave you. He always had the biggest crush on you and it’s never left.

Hence why one day he made a move, giving you his best cheesy pick up line at a party Sue threw one weekend. But you ignored him, it was only 2 hours into the party and you weren’t drunk enough to be taking him seriously. However, multiple drinks and shots later, he tried his luck again, and he hit the jackpot. You took him up on his offer. Whilst Sue was in the other room trying to clean up after her guests, you were in Johnny’s room, stripping off in-between heated open mouthed kisses.

It’s pretty obvious where that lead and the next day, you were so mad at yourself for letting it get that far. You cursed alcohol and your stupid brain as you quickly re dressed, repulsed at yourself and your actions. That’s when Johnny shot up, trying his best to make you stay, shutting the door as you tried to open it and standing in the way. You made eye contact with the player and he kissed you. You can’t recall anything else other than feeling captivated by him. His lips moved in sync with yours like they were always made to touch and you couldn’t control the way your body yearned for more.

And the rest is history. Since then you’ve been late night texting and meeting up whenever you could to hook up. Johnny eventually got his own apartment too which only lead to more often than not, the pair of you fucking like rabbits.

It hasn’t just been hookups though, as much as you’d love to lie and pretend that it doesn’t mean a thing, it does. You like Johnny, of course you do. He’s actually the only guy that’s ever been able to make you cum. The only guy who isn’t completely selfish in bed. He makes it all about you, every dam time and you feel torn when it comes to him. A huge part of you knows the two of you feel something deeper and more than just sex. You feel something more intimate. It’s definitely not love but it could be, one day.

Before you know it, you’re ripped from your Johnny themed thoughts as everyone starts cheering and clapping. You join in, watching Reed kiss Sue passionately before the two of them walk back up the aisle. You, Alicia, Johnny and Ben all follow behind with the guests joining in.

The reception is just inside and as soon as you all enter, the music begins. The real old school music. You’re The One That I Want from Grease. The DJ really has a way of luring everyone onto the dance floor right away. Usually at weddings, everyone sits down drinking and chilling before the buffet food comes out but not this wedding.

Sue grabs your hand and the two of you re enact the classic Sandy and Danny scene, overly dramatic though of course and unbeknownst to you, Johnny is watching your every move, unable to stop himself grinning like a cheshire cat. It’s very clear you’re having the time of your life and all he wants is to be able to dance with you.

Once the song is over, you walk around the room to look for the table that you’re going to be sitting at until you hear “over here” and you know that voice anywhere. You turn around to find Johnny sat down, a large glass of wine next to his beer. He ordered for you? Why?

“You’re next to me, hope that’s okay” he stands up, helping you into your chair and tucking it in for you before taking his seat again and sliding the glass of wine to you.

“White wine is still your favourite, right?” nerves fill his voice as he keeps his eyes locked on you “yes, it is. You remembered. Thank you” you waste no time in taking a big gulp of it, you can practically feel yourself getting aroused just by sitting next to the man and to think you’re going to have to deal with it the whole day is torture.

You press your thighs together, trying your hardest to stop whatever is happening in its tracks.

“You not going to dance some more?” he asks, sitting back in his chair, one arm draped round the back of yours “maybe in a minute, i’m still recovering from the first one” you giggle nervously, scared of being seen with him. Sure, you were put with him by Sue herself but what if your farce comes apart now, after all, he is being nice to you and the resting bitch face is missing instead a happy expression has taken its place.

Maybe no one will notice since it’s Sue’s big day, that could be the excuse you use if anyone says anything but then again, why should you care to make excuses? If you enjoy his company that shouldn’t be an issue. Maybe Sue won’t care. She’s always wanted Johnny to settle down with someone nice and you’re nice, right? She’s also wanted you to find someone too. But her best friend and brother getting together probably isn’t what she had in mind.

The song Crazy In Love by Beyonce comes on and Sue practically summons you to the dance floor, so you down the rest of your wine before you rush over to join her. Skipping the regular moves, you and Sue both start dancing like it’s just the two of you. No move off limits as you both grind your hips in circles, shaking your asses and laughing your heads off. She is the only person in this world that can make you laugh like that and you feel incredibly lucky to have her and to be here for her big day.

As your moves get more risqué you catch Johnny adjusting his cock in his dress trousers before drinking more of his beer.

The tension is building within you and you’ve never had to fight temptation so much in the whole year that you two have been doing this. You’re usually very good at waiting and making him wait for it but right now, it’s too hard. The next song that comes on is Check On It by Beyonce, again.

The more of the song that you dance to, you notice the lyrics surprisingly match your situation and a wave of confidence drenches you like rain.

If you got it flaunt it, boy I know you want it While I turn around you watch me check up on it Oh you watchin me shake it, I see it in ya face Ya can't take it, it's blazin’, you watch me in amazement

You continue to show off your best assets, making sure you tease and wind him up more before you make any kind of move which is what you usually do. Any time the two of you fool around, you make him wait and earn it, but it’s one of many reasons why he loves hooking up with you, you’re not easy, you know your worth and you’re 100% worth the wait.

The song finishes leaving yourself and Sue breathless almost. Reed stalks closer, handing his bride a drink and you head over to the bar to get another for yourself before sitting back down again. The buffet will be available soon and you’re desperate for something to eat. Peckish isn’t the word.

“Hello again” Johnny beams and you sip some more wine, a rather big sip yet again before you respond “hello. Are you gonna sit here the whole night?” you question with genuine curiosity, he only really danced a little when the Grease song was on but that’s about it and you aren’t oblivious to the other women checking him out.

“No i intend to dance i just need to be drunk enough for it first”

“I see, maybe then one of those lovely ladies will get a chance to dance with you” you say, observing one in particular who has been staring non stop.

“Please, i’d rather dance with you”

Your heart skips a beat and dare you say it, your vagina develops one. He’s such a sweet talker.

“You looked good out there, y’know” he motions towards the dance floor as if you didn’t already clock on to what he meant and you can’t deny the way your cheeks start to heat up as you thank him shyly.

That’s when he leans closer to your ear, his arm round the back of your chair again as he rasps “and that ass of yours in this dress, baby you got me so hard” his breath fans your neck as he returns to his normal sitting position but he doesn’t miss the way your breath hitches at the dirty comment. He knows all too well the effect he has on you and you know the effect you have on him.

In the past all it’s taken for him is for you to bite your lip and stare him down for him to get hard before. You’re his weakness.

Before you can even go to respond to him though, he clears his throat, tapping away on his phone as he stands up “anyway, if you’ll excuse me, nature calls” he slips his phone back into his pocket, walking away towards the toilets which just so happens to be right behind the DJ.

Your phone buzzes and you check to see a message from him ‘You coming?’ the text reads.

And that alone is enough for you to choke on your own saliva. You quickly sip your drink before standing up yourself and making your way over to the mens toilets. Thank God no one saw you.

“Johnny” you whisper yell until one of the cubicle doors opens, the bigger one at the end. He winks at you as he appears in the doorway and you strut over to him, allowing him to pull you in and lock the door. Your body is flush against his as he starts to kiss your collarbone first. If Johnny is anything it’s a man who loves to savour the moment. He hates quickies and loves to take his time with you.

You’re obviously not the first woman to fall victim to his touch but you’re the only one right now and you’re glad that he’s had experience, it’s clearly made him all the more sensational in the bedroom.

“Oh” you throw your head back on a quiet moan, hoping not to be too loud despite music blasting outside making it impossible for anyone to hear you.

“Every time you dance, you drive me crazy. Shaking that perfect ass of yours in this dress, making me want you so bad” his lips hover over your sweet spot, his breath fanning it just like it did before.

You wrap your arms loosely round his neck as your back arches and his lips attack your neck like a man possessed, everything about this moment should feel wrong and yet it feels so right. The thought crosses your mind that everyone is out there dancing and most likely eating now all while Johnny is playing with your dress, lifting it up to reveal the new panties that you brought for today. Purple lace to match your dress.

“Oh baby” he groans, tugging on his bottom lip at the sight as his fingers wonder down and slip inside. His cold palm cups your sex making you shiver in surprise before he makes you forget all about it by spinning you around so that you’re pressed against the wall. Caged in by his muscular body as he towers over you.

He presses a chaste kiss to the back of your neck and heat starts to rise to your cheeks, you can’t contain the flustered feeling that fills you. He’s always had a way of being so dominant and stealing all control from you in an instant, since you’re so used to the roles being reversed in your life, he was more than into changing that. And to tell the truth, it’s one of the many reasons that you keep coming back. He pushes you out of your comfort zone in more ways than one.

His fingers play with the flimsy material of your new panties, grazing over your clit multiple times until you’re poking your ass out into his hand. “Someones keen, huh?” his low, raspy and taunting chuckle fills your ear sending shivers up and down your spine and causing goosebumps to form all over your hungry body.

“Please, Johnny” you beg pathetically, once again pushing back against his hand in hopes that he’ll get a move on and touch your properly. Which of course he does. You know he can never resist your charm. All the more reason why he’s slipping your panties to the side now so that his fingers can circle your arousal covered hole, almost dipping into your honey pot but holding back.

“Beg for it” he growls, taking your right earlobe between his teeth and biting down lightly “beg like the good girl i know you are” he continues and you gasp before breathing out a quick plea “p-please touch me Johnny, i need it” as your hands find purchase on the wall.

The feel of his knee spreading your legs apart gets you all the more excited for what’s the come and that’s when he gives you all that you’ve been craving, slipping two thick digits inside of you, coating them in your juices as they hit that spongy spot. He’s never had much trouble when it comes to finding your weak spots, he knows your body inside and out at this point and there’s not a time where you don’t cum when you’re with him.

“That good baby? My fingers getting that little cunt ready for my cock”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head in reaction to the pure filth leaving his not so innocent mouth and just as you go to let out a near enough pornographic style moan, throwing your head back too, the restroom door opens making you stop yourself. Footsteps make their way to one of the cubicles that just so happens to be next to the one your in.

Johnny then takes it upon himself to pull his drenched fingers out of you, reaching his hand in front of your face and shoving them into your mouth for you to suck on, using his free hand to undo his belt and now you know that you’re done for. You know exactly what he’s about to do. His cock rests at your entrance, staying there for a second before he slides in. Your walls welcome him in the best way, wrapping around his cock as he splits you open, stretching you beautifully yet again just like he does every time. The all too familiar feeling consumes you.

“You’d better be quiet if you don’t want to get caught” he mutters in hushed tones, switching it up so that his hand is fully covering your mouth, suffocating you as he drags his cock along your warm velvety walls deliciously. Obviously you don’t want to get caught but right now the anticipation of what could happen is enough to make you clamp down around him, earning a hiss.

A noise that obviously catches the attention of whomever is next door to your cubicle since the unsuspecting gentleman speaks up “are you okay in there, man?” shit. It’s Ben. You feel a wave of shame wash over you as Johnny picks his pace up slowly “yeah, everything's fine” he chirps, as if he has all the time in the world to converse when he’s buried balls deep inside of you.

“If you say so” Ben responds before flushing, washing his hands and then leaving the room. Now it’s just the two of you again. Johnny takes full advantage of the alone time by pushing you right up against the wall, your cheek squished against the tiles, his calloused hands splaying across your ass cheeks now and spreading them apart. Only so he can take a good look at the way he disappears into your tight chanel with ease.

“Doing so well baby, taking this cock like a fucking pro” he grunts, wrapping his hand around your neck and pulling your head back with the help of his other hand grabbing a fistful of your hair at the scalp but keeping your whole body pressed into the wall.

Sinful moans escape your mouth and at this point you’re way past the point of caring or trying to be quiet. Unless someone walks in then you’re going to let go and revel in the feel of him. The way his body traps you in makes your clit pulsate, you love being manhandled and you always have but only by him.

Anyone that takes even so much as a look at Johnny, they think ‘player’ and they’d be right but they’d also think he’d never be the type of man to be as filthy as he is in reality. Not only has he got a foul mouth on him but he’s kinky not to mention skilful in more areas than one. Dick and tongue game on point as well as those magical digits of his and the way they dance across your sex both delicately and brutally all at the same time.

You’re certainly not complaining though.

“Fuck, Johnny” your back arches even more so than it was before as you shakily cry out his name with the kind of want that only he can spur on “what is it baby?”

“Don’t stop, i’m so close” you whimper desperately.

His pace is now rendering on animalistic as he fucks you into the wall with such vigor, wanting nothing more than to feel you come undone all over his cock, something he’ll never grow tired of.

“Come on then baby, give it to me” he eggs you on, keeping one hand wrapped around your neck still, tightening as the seconds tick by whilst his other hand smacks down on your exposed ass cheek, making it wobble a little which earns him a satisfied hum.

The two of you go crazy with you pushing back to meet his thrusts and him spanking your ass, both of you hungry for that release.

All of a sudden though the blaring music coming from outside stops. Making you panic. Johnny on the other hand is so close to reaching his peak and he knows you are too, so he doesn’t bother to stop.

But you hear the faint laughs of the wedding guests before what sounds like the DJ addressing everyone. Fuck. This better not be the speeches. You had one planned and so did Johnny.

He continues to fuck into you, grunting, growling and panting in your ear, driving you closer and closer to that edge. You can feel the coil twisting and turning in your stomach, on the verge of snapping at any second and you don’t think you’ll be able to hold back the noises when it happens.

“Gonna make you cream all over this cock baby and best believe i’ll be filling this sweet cunt up with my cum”

You rest your hand over his around your neck as your whole body starts to shake. You clench around his cock some more and just as you can taste the orgasm, the addition of his fingers pressing down on your clit push you off the edge and your head drops back onto his shoulder. The music starts up again, allowing you to really enjoy this. Your mouth hangs open whilst you scrunch your eyes closed, seeing stars as you fall into a pit of ecstasy. You can feel your legs shaking and threatening to give way but luckily for you Johnny moves his hands to your waist, wrapping around you so he can hold you up whilst he comes close to reaching his own end.

“Fuckkkkk, squeezing me so good baby”

You do it again for good measure and sure enough, he twitches inside of you, his hot cum painting your walls just like he said and a fucked out spent smile forms on your face making him laugh when he sees.

He rides the two of you through your highs before his thrusts come to a halt and he slowly pulls out. He then grabs some tissues, dropping to his knees and pressing yet another chaste kiss to your clit this time before cleaning you up. He can see that you’re struggling to stand so the second he’s done he rises to his feet, pulling you flush against him and then proceeding to push you up against the wall.

The two of you stare deep into each others eyes for a couple seconds, both of your chests rising and falling as you try to normalise your breathing. That was certainly an adventurous, dangerous and thrilling experience, one that you won’t be rushing to partake in again anytime soon. But it was amazing to say the least. The way he’s looking at you right now makes you want to throw caution to the wind and kiss him. So you do. You crash your lips to his, wrapping your arms loosely around his neck and as expected, he kisses back. His grip tightens on your hips, pulling you even closer if that’s even possible.

“What was that for?” he asks as you come up for air and you shrug, not even sure of what it was yourself. But all you know is you like him and this isn’t just some fling to you, some form of messing around until the two of you get bored. There is a genuine connection there, one that you can’t wait to explore some more.

“I don’t even know” you giggle, pecking his lips again.

Silence falls upon the two of you before he finally blurts out “go out with me” as if he’s telling you rather than asking.

“What?” you furrow your brows in confusion.

“Go out with me, on a date”

“I thought Johnny Storm didn’t do dates” you quip back, raising your brows with a smirk to match “i don’t but i’d like to try if it’s with you” and that alone warms your heart. The same heart that’s been crushed and broken so many times before and it’s almost like he’s mending it. Not that you’re complaining.

You take no longer than a second to think before you’re agreeing and kissing him some more. That’s when the music stops and you both look at each other.

He quickly zips up his pants, doing his belt up again and shrugging his jacket back on before turning back to you. With you both now looking decent again, you get him to check your makeup, he wipes the stray bits of mascara that smudged before kissing your forehead.

He lets you leave first whilst he waits an appropriate 2 minutes before he heads out too. No one suspected a thing and now it’s time for the speeches.

This is definitely going to be a wedding to remember...

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Me and all my hoe personalities after writing this one:

General Tags: @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @chris-butt @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @dummiesshort @cevans-fics @americasass91 @toni9 @aaliferous @bradfordmyworld @thereisa8ella @kaminorogers @yassspose @randomsevans

Just Chris & His Characters Tags: @onetwo3000 @persephonequeenofthedead @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @rynabarnesrogers @princess-evans-addict @stxvercgersslut @chris-evanslover @bval-1 @thejemersoninferno @denisemarieangelina @janeyboo @evansphnx12 @whxre4cevans

LMK if you wanna be added to my tag list...

#johnny storm #johnny storm x fem!reader #johnny storm x female reader #x reader #x fem!reader #x female reader #johnny storm smut #smut #fanfiction #chris evans #fantastic four #fantastic four rise of the silver surfer #cevans #reader inserts #requests

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tyongxnct · 4 years

Text

𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒 - 𝐽𝑢𝑛𝑔 𝐽𝑎𝑒𝘩𝑦𝑢𝑛

pairing: Jaehyun x reader

special guests: Johnny, Doyoung and Jaemin.

Genre: angst, marriage!au, cheating!au

warnings: cheating, fainting, mentions of sex If you don’t feel comfortable reading about cheating, then feel free to skip this story. :)

word count: a little more than 12k

song rec: love me or leave me by little mix

note: I’m not a therapist or a doctor. The scenes in the hospital and at the couple therapy are just how I imagined it to be.

extra note: I love Jaehyun and this is PURE fiction.

A/N: thanks to my dear friend @kueey for proofreading this with me <3 I hope you guys like this story and please don’t get too mad at Jaehyun hihi ENJOY!!

ps: I AM SO EXCITED FOR NCT 2020 I really look forward to everything we’ll get and I’ll forever support OT23.. I hope that each member gets treated well and is happy and healthy. AND I can’t wait any longer for superm hehe

“I can’t believe you! Why? I don’t understand?! Why would you do something like that? Why would you try to destroy our marriage?!”, you were furious and heartbroken. After seven years of being together, you never thought that Jaehyun would cheat on you. You never thought that he’d moan someone else’s name while being with you.

You kissed him. “I missed this so much.”, it was hard for you two, both of you were working and you had a four year old daughter and a five year old son. There was never really time for things like sex. It’s been some time since you slept together, and you couldn’t wait anymore. You missed having Jaehyun close next to you, you missed feeling him inside of you and you missed his touch. “You feel so good, Areum.”, you pushed him away. “W-what?”, you asked, maybe you misheard him. “What do you mean?”, he tried to kiss your neck, but you pushed him again. “W-what did you just say? A-Areum?”, and that was the exact moment Jaehyun knew, that he fucked up. Bad. “N-No I-I didn’t...”, he stuttered. “Get off of me!”, you pushed him again and crawled against the bed rest. “Who is Areum?!” “No one, baby. I’m sorry.”, he tried to get closer again, but you stretched out your hand to stop him. “Don’t come closer! Stop lying to me! Tell me now Jaehyun or I will leave, and you’ll never get the chance to explain!” “Baby- I... It’s... She’s someone from work...” “And?”, you were getting angrier every second. “I-It’s I promise you I’ll never do it again and it’s been weeks since the last time I-”, he couldn’t even look at your face. “Since you what?”,

“Since I-I slept with her.”, his voice got quieter and quieter. You got up and put on your clothes as fast as you could. “Baby just listen to me. I swear I’m so sorry-”, Jaehyun tried to reach for your arms but you stepped back and looked at him with disgust in your eyes. “For how long?” “Baby-”, “No Jaehyun! Answer the question!”, you couldn’t even cry. “Three months I think...”, a tear fell down Jaehyun’s cheek.

Your man was sleeping with another woman for three months, if he was telling the truth of course.

“You had an affair for three months?”, you were heartbroken. You were fully dressed and opened your bedroom door to leave, but he stopped you, this fight needed to end in the bedroom, your little kids were asleep, and they shouldn’t witness what was happening right now. “No. Don’t go, baby. I’m sorry. I stopped seeing her, I love you.”

“You love me? Funny, last time I checked you said Areum. You said her name! I can’t even look at you! You disgust me so much! What kind of a husband are you huh?! What were you even thinking?!”, tears were finally falling down your cheeks, you couldn’t stop them from falling so you just let them.

“I said that I’m sorry! I stopped seeing her. I will never do it again, I love you!”, he screamed back at you.

“I can’t believe you! Why? I don’t understand?! Why would you do something like that? Why would you try to destroy our marriage?!”

You really wanted to know why Jaehyun would throw away a 7 year old relationship.

“Look, we didn’t have any second for us in the past, I don’t know, five months and I missed you so much but you were always working and you never had time for me! I felt... lonely or some shit, I don’t know and... and she was there for me in those three months...”, did he just say it was all your fault?

“So, you are telling me that this is my fault? Because I am working and raising two children. You think I was the one who never had time? When you fucked another woman, I was home alone with your kids! You lied to me and now you are fucking blaming me?!”, he couldn’t be serious. “I am the one suffering from all of this! I am suffering right now because of you and you are still blaming me?! I tried so hard to be a good wife, mother, friend and employee and I am still not enough?”, your voice was quiet. Jaehyun felt like he was never good enough for you, he was just ordinary while you were amazing at everything you did. Jaehyun felt like a piece of shit and he needed someone to tell him that he was also good enough, and instead of talking to his wife, he decided to talk to his co-worker and that led to more.

“What suffering?! I am still with you, I could have left you and stayed with her instead but I chose you!”, words were coming out of his mouth without him processing it, he said things he didn’t mean and he wanted to take them back, but he couldn’t.

You slapped him. You slapped him so hard that his brain started working again. He deserved it.

“You chose me? Nobody asked you for that. You are right, maybe you should have stayed with her.”, he looked at you for the first time now, his hand was on his cheek and his heart clenched.

“I- I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it.”, he cried as he tried to take his words back.

You couldn’t think straight, and you couldn’t stay with him, you needed to leave. Right now.

You opened the bedroom door and put on your shoes as fast as you could. “Don’t leave me, please. Baby don’t go. It’s late... let’s talk about it. Please don’t leave me.”, he was begging you. Without a second glance, you took the keys for your car and left the apartment you shared so many great memories with and now with the worst.

Jaehyun was on his knees crying his heart out. He needed you to come back to him, you needed to know that he was sorry and that he didn’t mean it.

“Dad?”, Jaemin held his little sister’s hand and watched his father. His little daughter looked confused and his son looked sad.

“My babies why are you up?”, he tried to cover his tears as he walked up to his kids. "You were loud, daddy. Are you crying, daddy?”, she asked her dad as she placed her little hand on his cheek. “Why are you awake, dad?”, his son asked.

“Daddy had a nightmare, but I feel better now. Thanks to you.”, he placed a kiss on his daughter’s forehead and on his son’s. “Tell mommy to give you a goodnight kiss, that helps every time.”, he tried so hard not to cry in front of his kids. “Okay, I’ll tell her, but you have to sleep now, it’s late.”

“Daddy can you sing for me? Mommy always sings me to sleep.”, how could he say no to his one and only daughter.

Jaehyun didn’t sleep for the whole night, he waited for you to come back, but you didn’t.

You were driving around Seoul. You didn’t know what to do. Go back home? You couldn’t let your kids notice what was happening between you and Jaehyun and Jaehyun... your heart was broken, and it needed time. You decided to call the only person who could help you right now. Johnny.

“Good morning, what can I do for you at this hour?”, Johnny, one of your oldest friends asked, still half asleep. It was 7 am on a Sunday, of course he was still asleep.

“Hey, Johnny. Sorry for waking you up-”, your voice trembled.

“Did you fucking cry?”, he always knew that something was wrong. “I-…Yes..., Johnny, Jaehyun had an affair.”

“I’m sorry what? What did you just say?”, he didn’t want to believe it. “He slept with his co-worker for three months. I f-found out last night and I didn’t know what to do… so I l-left.”, you started crying.

“I can’t believe this, where are you? I’m coming to you.”, Johnny didn’t want to leave you alone.

“No, I’m fine, well not fine but Jaehyun and the kids need you. I left last night just like that, and I want to go to my babies, but I-I Johnny I just can’t face him. It hurts so much.”, you tried to stop your tears from falling but you couldn’t.

“Okay, you don’t have to worry, I’ll go to them. But please tell me that you are safe and text me whenever you need me. Do you know where you want to stay already?”, you knew you could count on him. “I have a friend from work I could ask.”, Johnny was the brother you never had, and you were his sister he never had. You were friends since kindergarten, and he was actually the one who introduced you to Jaehyun in college.

“Alright, just let me know you’re safe.”

“Thank you, Johnny.”

“Always.”

Jaehyun was playing with Minah and Jaemin on the floor as he tried to distract his kids. “Daddy is mommy coming back today?”, Minah asked him.

He hoped.

“I don’t really know, baby. Don’t you enjoy playing with your daddy?”, he asked her. “Daddy is the best!”, she hugged him, and tears were forming in his eyes.

The doorbell rang and Jaehyun and his kids jumped up and hoped to see you standing there, but it was Johnny.

“Uncle Johnny!”, Minah loved her uncle Johnny. “Hey there princess.”, he hugged Minah and high fived Jaemin “Wow, Jaemin. You are growing up so fast.”, and as he looked at his friend, he saw nothing but pain in his eyes.

“Jaemin and Minah, why don’t you go to your room to play. I’ll be there in 5 minutes to play with you, okay?”, Johnny asked the little kids.

“Why are you here?”, Jaehyun asked. “Is it wrong to look after my friend and his kids?”, Johnny took off his jacket and sat down in the living room.

“She called you, didn’t she? Where is she? Johnny please tell me, I need to know where she is.”, he begged his friend now.

“Listen, Jaehyun, I know that this between you two, but please tell me what in the world did you think you were doing?”

Jaehyun sat down next to him and started crying silently so his kids wouldn’t notice. “Johnny I’m a terrible husband. I fucked up so bad. I-I thought everything was over but-”, he hid his face in his hands. “I fucking said someone else’s name while being with my wife. I am so sorry. I need her I can’t live without her.”

Jaehyun told Johnny everything that has happened last night. Johnny was shocked to hear his friend do such thing. Never did he think that Jaehyun would do that to you. He loved you way too much.

“I am speechless.”

“D-Do you hate me now, too?”, Jaehyun was scared to lose everyone.

“No, I don’t hate you but… you really broke her heart and I don’t know If she’ll stay with you after this.”, he was honest.

“Johnny I can’t lose her, I’d do anything.”

“It won’t be easy, that’s all I can say. But I’m here for you.”

It’s been three days since you left. You were missing your kids so much, it hurt you so much to be far away from them. You were staying with one of your friends from work, Soobin. She was always there for you and she invited you with open arms.

You decided to talk to your babies, they probably missed you, too. You dialed Jaehyun’s number, you were scared, and your hands were shaking.

“(Y/n)? H-hello-”, you interrupted Jaehyun before he could say anything more. His voice sounded different. “I want to talk to my kids.”

“A-Aren’t you going to... come back?”, he whispered.

“I just want to talk to Minah and Jaemin.”

“Okay... Baby? It’s mommy.”

“Mommy!! Mommy I missed you so much!”, Minah said as she talked to her mother after a long time.

“God, baby. Mommy missed you, too. I love you so much, baby. I promise you I’ll come to you as soon as I can.”, you tried to stop your tears.

“Mommy don’t cry. I want to play with you mommy but playing with daddy is also cool. And mommy, Jaemin is not nice! He never wants to play with me.”, she cried into the phone.

“Okay baby, I’ll talk to him. Can you give me your brother now? I love you.”

“I love you too mommy. Jaemin!! It’s mommy!”

Jaemin was angry, even though he’s just five he noticed that you and Jaehyun were fighting.

“Hello? Jaemin baby can you hear me?”

“Yes.”

“Baby I missed you so much. How are you?”, you wanted to talk to him, but he was too angry at you.

“I don’t miss you! I hate you! Dad is crying because of you! I hate you!”, your heart stopped beating. Your son just told you that he hated you. Your own son. You cried, it hurt so much. You didn’t know what to do.

“Baby I’m sorry. I-”

“No! -”

“Jaemin why are you behaving like that? That’s not nice. You are talking to your mother-”, Jaehyun tried to calm his son down.

“No! I hate you!”, he suddenly also screamed at Jaehyun. Jaemin threw the phone on the floor and ran in his room.

Minah started crying and you heard it all, but you couldn’t do anything. Your heart broke at the sound of your babies crying and yelling. Your son hates you.

Jaehyun took his phone and heard you crying.

“I’m sorry he didn’t mean it. Don’t take it to heart, he’s... he’s just angry right now. I’ll handle it, okay? Don’t worry.”, Jaehyun wanted you to stop crying but you just couldn’t. You missed your family so much; it tore you apart.

“I’m... I’m sorry.”, you hung up and cried yourself to sleep. Again.

Two days later, you decided to call Johnny.

“Hey Johnny.”

“How are you? You sound miserable.”, he didn’t want to be mean or anything, but you really sounded like you just died three times.

“Thank you. I am miserable. My son hates me, my husband cheated on me and I didn’t see my kids for a week.”

“Jaemin doesn’t hate you. He’s simply scared and sad, he is a little kid, he doesn’t understand what is happening right now, but he gets that you two are fighting. Of course, he’s angry. I’d be angry, too. Please stop thinking that way.”

“I don’t know. I’m trying so hard but I just- it’s so hard. How’s Jaehyun?”, you asked him. Of course, you were still worried, you love him and even though he broke your heart, he’s the father of your children.

“He’s sick. I mean like seriously he has fever and all that stuff, I was there this morning, he ate some soup but he’s like sick. The kids are always in their rooms playing. He told me to leave, that he’d handle it, but I don’t know. I was going to look after them tonight.”

Jaehyun was sick. You didn’t want to, but you were so worried right now that you decided to go to your family. They needed you and you needed them.

“I’ll go. Thank you for everything.”

“Are you sure?”, Johnny asked.

“I need to be with my family.”

After the phone call with Johnny, you dressed up and drove to your home. It was strange to go there after a week, you missed it so much and you wished that it was all a bad nightmare, but as soon as you arrived in front of your home, you felt all the pain in your heart again.

You opened the door and took off your jacket and shoes. Scenes of the night you left played in front of your eyes. How Jaehyun was crying his heart out and how betrayed you felt.

You saw your husband laying on the couch with your son next to him. Father and son were sleeping, and a smile placed on your face. It warmed your heart to see the two like that.

But you couldn’t let your son sleep so close to his sick father. You carried your son to his bed and let him sleep there. On your way back you stopped at your daughters’ room and saw her also sleeping. She’s beautiful and you missed your kids so much. You would never leave them again. No matter what would happen.

You went back to Jaehyun and tried to slowly wake him up. “Jaehyun. Jaehyun wake up, let’s get you to bed.”

Jaehyun slowly opened his eyes and he saw your beautiful face. “Am... Am I still dreaming?”, he put his hand on your cheek.

“Jaehyun, stop it and get up. I can’t carry you to bed.”, you didn’t want him to touch you, so you pushed his hand away.

“I can’t believe you are real. I love you.”, Jaehyun looked and sounded so sick. His nose was red, and he was shivering. “I’m so cold.”

After you put Jaehyun to bed, you placed your hand on his forehead, just to see how hot he was. “You are burning.”

Jaehyun could hardly open his eyes, but he needed to see you. He missed you so much, he didn’t even know if you were real or not.

You went to the bathroom and came back with wet towels. “Jaehyun you need to take off your shirt.”

He slowly tried to take off his shirt, but he was too weak. “I’ll help you.” You helped him taking off his shirt and then you placed the hot towels on his body. “It’s so cold. The bed is always so cold when you are gone. Please don’t leave, I hate it when it’s cold.”, Jaehyun was talking in his half-awake state.

You tried to ignore him, but you also hated to sleep without him next to you, but after what he had done, you were too disgusted.

Jaehyun fell asleep again and you decided to cook a soup and you looked at your home, it was a mess. Well, you could imagine Johnny trying to clean up, but with a sick Jaehyun and two kids, it’s not easy. You cleaned the floor in the living room, putting the toys back to their right places and after that you cleaned up the kitchen a little. The soup was done and then you heard your little daughter crying. She woke up.

“Baby, Mommy is here it’s okay. Stop crying.”, you picked her up and she stopped crying immediately. “Mommy! Mommy I missed you so much!”

“I missed you to honey. I love you so much.”

After playing with your daughter, your son also woke up. “My little man I missed you so much.”, you were about to hug him, but he stepped back. “No! I don’t want you here!”, it hurt you so much to hear that.

“I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll never leave again. It was an emergency I needed to go baby, but I’m back. Didn’t you miss your mom?”

“No, I didn’t I want dad not you!”, your son ran to his dad’s room and jumped on the bad to hug his dad. Jaehyun woke up as his son jumped around. “I don’t want mommy!”, your son cried into his dad’s arms.

“Jaemin I told you to stop saying that.”, Jaehyun sounded so weak. So fragile.

You decided to leave your son with Jaehyun, you didn’t want him to cry anymore.

After seeing Jaehyun so sick you thought of calling your mutual friend, who was a doctor. Kim Doyoung.

Doyoung told you that he’d be here in an hour and you poured the soup into a bowl and placed Jaehyun’s food next to him on the nightstand.

Jaehyun still looked half-asleep. “I need you so much.”, he whispered. You son was back in his room, playing on his own with his car toys.

“I called Doyoung, he’ll be here soon.”, you just said.

You knew that Jaehyun was too weak to eat on his own and you weren’t heartless.

“You need to finish this, okay? Open your mouth.”, you were sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to leave space between you two, so you could just help him eat.

You didn’t look at him, your eyes where everywhere except for his eyes. But Jaehyun, Jaehyun was watching all your moves, and he tried to look at your beautiful face and eyes, but you wouldn’t let him.

After he ate up the doorbell rang. You opened the door and saw Doyoung standing there. “Thank you so much for coming. He’s so sick and you know how he feels in hospitals.”

“No problem, I told you guys whenever you need me, I’d be here.”

Doyoung checked Jaehyun up and it was easy to tell why he was sick. You stood at the door and watched them.

“Were you stressed lately?”, Doyoung asked.

You looked on the floor, and Jaehyun looked at you and then back at Doyoung.

“Yes.”

“Alright, so your body couldn’t handle the stress and that’s how you got sick. You need to avoid stress and you need to stay calm. I’ll give you some pain killers and stay in bed. If anything else happens, just call me. But that’s it for now.”

Jaehyun’s regret and worry ate him up and he was so stressed after you left, that his body reacted like that, your heart clenched, but it wasn’t your fault, you told yourself.

After you thanked Doyoung, he left, and you made dinner for your kids. Jaemin didn’t talk to you but Minah never left your side.

“Mommy is daddy dying?”, she suddenly asked.

“What? Of course not? Why would you think that?”, you were shocked to hear you daughter ask such a question.

“I don’t know, Jaemin said daddy is dying.”, she shrugged her shoulders and played with her doll.

You seriously needed to talk with him, you knew that he was just sad and scared, but it was too much now.

You sat Minah on her chair and then you called Jaemin because dinner’s ready. After you called him two times, he didn’t come so you decided to look after him.

“Jaemin, dinner’s waiting for you.”, he was playing with his dinosaurs and ignored you.

“Jaemin?”

“I don’t want to!”, here we go again. “Jaemin you are making mommy really sad. Why do you hate me? I love you so much.”

“Dad always cries, and you screamed at him! You hurt dad!”, oh boy, seeing him like this hurt you so much.

Jaehyun was standing at the door and listened to his son. It is his fault, not yours. His son should hate him, not you.

“I’m so sorry that you feel that way, don’t be scared, we just talked loud. I don’t want you to think that we were fighting. You know that I love your dad I would never hurt him.”, you tried to hug your son, but he ran out of his room, he didn’t even notice Jaehyun standing there.

Jaehyun looked at you, his heart hurt. Everything was his fault and now you were really suffering the most. How could he tell his son, that he was wrong? That his father is a piece of shit. A cheater. How could he tell his son, that he broke his mother’s heart?

You were still sitting on the floor, with your hands you covered your face and cried. You tried to be quiet but Jaehyun was right there.

He was right behind you now and he placed his hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry, please stop crying. I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him that it’s... that I’m the one who hurt you.”

“D-Don’t touch me.”, you ignored his words as you backed away. “Just go back to bed.”

You wiped away your tears and left Jaehyun alone, his eyes followed you. It hurt him that you react like that to his touches, but he understood. It hurt him, but you were way more hurt.

Back in the kitchen you helped Minah eating her food and Jaemin just looked at his. “Why is dad not with us?”, he asked.

“Your dad is sick and needs to sleep. I’ll bring him his soup after you eat.”

“I won’t eat without dad.”, he said now.

“Jaemin, he would love to eat with you-” “I want dad!”, he yelled now. There was no other way. “Okay I’ll get him.”

You went to your bedroom and opened the door slowly. Jaehyun wiped his tears away as fast as he could but you saw it. There was no point in hiding.

“Uhm, Jaemin won’t eat without you. C-Could you sit with us?”, you asked slowly.

“Y-Yes I’ll be there. Just give me a second.”, he said, and you nodded.

You went back to the kitchen and sat down “Dad’s coming.”, you smiled at your son. Your daughter was eating with her fingers and you watched her. You love her so much and you were ready to do anything for your kids’ happiness.

Jaehyun came and sat next to your son. “Dad! Let’s eat together!”, Jaemin finally started eating.

“Do you want your soup now or later?”, you asked Jaehyun.

“Now, please.”, he watched his kids eating and it felt almost like before.

Jaehyun was eating his soup and your kids were also eating. Everyone was eating except you.

“Mommy aren’t you hungry?”, Minah asked.

“No, I’m not hungry.”, you said. “But Mommy you always tell us to eat even if we are not hungry. You need to eat, too!”, after that one night, you lost your appetite. You rarely ate, most of the times you would just eat an apple.

“I’ll eat later, okay? You need to finish first.”

“Okay mommy.”

Minah and Jaemin played around with Jaehyun and you were just sitting there and tried to stop the pain. You tried to forget everything, but you couldn’t.

It was already 10pm and your kids were already sleeping. You didn’t know what exactly to do. Jaehyun was in bed and you were sitting on the couch in the living room.

What was going to happen next? Are you just going to sleep next to him and act like nothing happened? Are you just going to pretend that everything was fine?

You decided to take a hot bath, but first you made Jaehyun a hot tea. You opened the door to the bedroom and saw him sitting there and looking helpless. His nose was still red.

“I made you some tea.”, you put the tea on the nightstand and Jaehyun watched you.

“Thank you.”, suddenly he held your wrist before you could leave. “W-Where is it?”, he asked. “What do you mean?”, first, you didn’t understand. “Where is the ring? Where’s the wedding ring?”, he was so scared of your answer.

“I took it off.”, you just said, avoiding his gaze.

“Y-You took it off. Why?”, his voice trembled. “It didn’t feel right to wear it.”

“B-But you promised. You promised me that you’d never take it off! You promised me that you’d always wear it.”, tears fell down his cheeks. He was so desperate. It was your wedding ring. The ring that showed that you two belonged together.

You were angry. How could he say something like that and cry? How could he act like you were the first one to break a promise? You looked into his eyes for the first time.

“And you promised me to be faithful. You promised me to never break my heart. You promised me to never hurt me and always love me.”, you pulled away your arm from his grip and stepped back.

“I guess promises are meant to be broken.”

You turned on your heel and went to the bathroom. After you closed the door behind you, you started crying. You tried to be as quiet as possible but Jaehyun heard you.

You were right. He broke so many promises he made. Jaehyun broke your heart and he’s scared that you’ll never forgive him. You cried and cried and didn’t leave the bathroom for the next two hours. You were finally home but it didn’t feel like it. You were finally with your kids, but your son hated you. Your words really hit Jaehyun. There was no way that you’d forgive him. He was clueless and he regretted everything so much, he didn’t know what to do.

You couldn’t sleep at all that night. You were sleeping on the couch in the living room, but you were scared that your kids would see you. You were worried about the future. What is going to happen to your marriage? The voice in your head always reminded you that ‘Your husband cheated on you’, you couldn’t stop the voice in your head. But it was the reality you had to face.

Minah was the first to wake up. “Good morning baby.”, you lifted her up and kissed her cheeks. “Mommy I’m hungry.” You heard your son waking up and he opened your bedroom door and jumped on the bed.

“Dad wake up!”, he jumped around.

With Minah in your arms, you went to your bedroom and saw Jaehyun slowly waking up. “Jaemin your dad is still sick. He needs to rest.”.

“It’s alright. I’m feeling better.”, he smiled at his son. “I want to play with daddy, too!”, your daughter said. You placed your daughter on Jaehyun’s lap. “I’ll prepare breakfast.”

You would never destroy the relationship between Jaehyun and your kids. Jaehyun’s a great dad, no, a wonderful dad. When you told him that you were pregnant with Jaemin he was so excited. He was so careful with you and fulfilled every wish you had. Even after you gave birth, he never left your side and helped you as much as he could. Jaehyun told you that he wanted 10 kids with you, when you got married and even after Minah he didn’t want to stop having kids.

You smiled at the memory. You started to blame yourself. After giving birth to two kids, your body didn’t look like before. You felt ugly, of course Jaehyun would cheat on you. Look at you. You look like an ugly piece of shit, you thought.

Your thoughts were interrupted with Jaehyun coming into the kitchen with both of your kids in his arms. “Let’s help mommy”, he said and put his kids down.

Suddenly you got angry. Did he think that you can’t even prepare a simple breakfast? You don’t need help. You are strong.

“I can handle it.”, you said coldly.

“No, it’s alright, I can help you.”, he wanted to take the pan from your hand. “No, Jaehyun. I don’t need your help.”, you raised your voice a little. You totally forgot that the kids were also in the kitchen.

You hated to be like this in front of the kids, but you couldn’t control your anger. Jaehyun looked at you with an open mouth. Before you could say anything, the doorbell rang. Luckily, your kids were busy with playing on the kitchen floor, you hoped that they didn’t hear your voice raising at Jaehyun.

You went to open the door and saw Johnny standing there with Donuts. “Morning. I have donuts!”, he was happy to see you finally home. He knew that it was hard for you and that’s why he visited you guys.

“Thank you John-”, before you could finish your sentence, everything went black and you passed out. The last thing you heard was Johnny telling Jaehyun to call an ambulance.

Jaehyun called the ambulance and ran to you and Johnny. “What... What happened? (Y/n)? Can you hear me? Baby please open your eyes.”, Jaehyun held you in his arms and he totally forgot about his kids who were watching the scene. Johnny saw them standing there and lifted both kids up and brought them to their room. “What is happening to my... my mom?”, Jaemin cried. He was so scared. Your daughter was already crying and screaming. She was also totally scared, and she didn’t understand what was happening.

“She’ll be fine, don’t worry. You dad’s going to the hospital, they’ll look after her. Don’t worry.” Johnny tried to cheer the kids up, but he also didn’t know what was happening.

Jaehyun was holding you and crying. It felt like hours until the ambulance came. He never let go of you.

You woke up in a bright room. You didn’t know where you were or what happened. Your eyes slowly got used to the bright lights and then you saw Jaehyun sitting next to you on a chair, eyes closed.

You tried to take your hand away, but he didn’t let go. You slowly tried to sit up and Jaehyun also woke up.

“You’re awake. How are you feeling? Wait never mind, I’ll just call the doctor.” before you could say anything he ran out of the room and called the doctor.

He came back with the doctor and held your hand again as he sat down next to you.

“How are you feeling, Mrs. Jung?”, he asked you as he looked through your file.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m alright.”, the doctor couldn’t heal the pain in your heart, obviously.

“I need to ask you some question. When was the last time you ate something?”, he looked at you and Jaehyun, too. You felt uncomfortable.

“Uhm, I- can’t answer that.”, you looked down.

“Why?”, he asked. “Because I don’t know.”, you answered quietly. Jaehyun looked at you with worry written all over his face.

The doctor wrote something down and looked back at you. “And sleep? Can you sleep or are you having trouble with that?”

You nodded slowly “It’s hard to fall asleep.”

“How long did you sleep last night?”

“Not at all.”, you didn’t want Jaehyun to know that.

“And the night before?”, the doctor asked. “Maybe two hours?”, you weren’t sure. “Were you stressed lately?”, why is everybody asking you and Jaehyun this. Is it that obvious?

“Y-Yes.”, you finally freed your hand out of Jaehyun’s, who was in his own world right now. This needs to stop, first Jaehyun got sick because of the stress and now you were in the hospital.

“Well, your body needs energy. You must eat to produce energy. And sleep is especially important. Your body and mind need to recover, it seems like your body couldn’t handle it anymore. I don’t know what is going on in your private life, but I recommend you to see a psychologist. Your mental state is connected to your body, and If you don’t do anything about it, your body will also suffer. I’ll give you some vitamins you need to take, and you need to stay for tonight, we need to make sure, you won’t pass out again. Any questions?”, the doctor told you all of this in one go and you knew that it was true. But it was so hard for you. Every time you closed your eyes, you saw the fight in front of you. Every time you ate something, you thought of you husband with someone else and you couldn’t continue eating.

“No. Thank you.”, you said,

“That’s it then. I hope you get well soon.”, you tried to smile at him, but you were too weak.

After the doctor left, you mind wandered to your kids. “The kids- Jaehyun! The kids, where are my kids?”, you totally forgot that Johnny came to visit.

“They are with Johnny. Don’t worry, he came before you... passed out.”, he looked down, to ashamed to be the reason that you were laying in a hospital bed.

“Where’s my phone?”, you asked. “At home. You can use mine.”, he handed you his.

You looked at the phone in is hand. Did he saved her number? Did he text her? Is he still texting her? Do they have pictures together? You had thousand questions. “C-Call Johnny. FaceTime.”, you would never touch that phone. After two rings, Johnny answered.

“Hey, are you guys alright? Where’s (Y/n)?”, he asked. Jaehyun turned the phone to you. “I’m fine, Johnny. Thank you. Can I talk to the kids?”

“Sure. Minah. Jaemin. It’s your mom.”, he handed the phone Jaemin, who was sitting next to Minah. “Mommy! Where are you?”, Minah started crying. “Baby don’t cry. Daddy and I are staying together. Don’t worry okay? We’ll come back home tomorrow.”, you didn’t want to tell her that you were staying at the hospital.

“Jaemin, baby? Can you be a good big brother and look after your sister? I love you two so much.”, your son didn’t say a word. He started crying and you did, too. It broke your heart that he didn’t talk to you. “Daddy.”, Minah cried out. “Yes baby?”, he came closer and he could also be seen now. “Daddy give Mommy a kiss. That will help her. Mommy always kisses us when we are sick.”, she insisted, while crying. Jaehyun and you wanted to stop your daughter from crying and that’s why you nodded after he asked you with his eyes.

He slowly placed a kiss on your forehead. You had your eyes closed and you missed him so much that it hurt to feel his lips on your skin again. Jaehyun’s eyes were also closed and the kiss felt like forever.

After the call ended, you watched the sun go down. Jaehyun was outside, getting your food. You still didn’t want to eat. But after what happened today, you didn’t want to scare your kids like this again.

He brought you tomato soup, salat and rice with some meat. The soup reminded you, that Jaehyun was still sick.

“Jaehyun.”, you said. “Yes? Is it too hot?”, he asked.

“No, just- You’re still sick, you should rest and eat this, you need it more than I do.”, he looked at you like you were crazy.

“What? No. I’m totally fine. You need to finish all of this and then you’ll sleep. I’m feeling way better.”, you were the most important person for him.

“But-”

“No but’s. I’ll just buy myself a sandwich or something.”

“This is too much for me. Let’s share. I know that you love tomato soup.”, his heart flipped as you said this. You know everything about him. He didn’t answer, just watched you. “Jaehyun?”

“Mhm?”

“I said let’s share the soup. Please?”

How could he say no to the most beautiful woman he has ever seen?

After sharing your soup, you slowly finished the rest. It was awkward that Jaehyun was just sitting next to you on the chair. “Jaehyun, go home.”

“What? Why?”

“The chair is uncomfortable, I know that you can’t stand hospitals, and you are sick, and the kids need you-”, he interrupted you “And I need you, and I won’t go anywhere without you. I don’t care If I sleep on this chair or on the floor. I just want to be with you.”

You looked at him for a second and then you hid your face under your blanket. You didn’t know what exactly you felt when he said that, but you felt so many things.

Pain, love, longing.

You were so exhausted that you fell asleep and Jaehyun watched you. He was scared that it could be the last time he saw your face. Jaehyun couldn’t let you go. He wouldn’t. But what if you do leave him one day?

Jaehyun and you were finally home. Your kids were at the kindergarten thanks to Johnny. You called in sick for work and Jaehyun did too. You two barely spoke since last night. Whenever he said something, he got short replies from you.

You were laying on the couch and Jaehyun was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, even though you weren’t hungry, but he insisted.

Jaehyun was worried. He was determined to cook for you and keep you healthy. He heard some voices from the living room and thought that you were watching TV or something. But as he stood behind you, he leaned against the doorframe and watched you watching your wedding videos.

You were so bored, that you decided to watch the happy times. You wanted to see how it was to be happy and in love. You missed that feeling, you missed Jaehyun looking at you like he did on your wedding day.

In the next clip, you were slow dancing with Jaehyun. Your first dance as a married couple. Everything was perfect. Too good to be true.

Jaehyun heard you sniffing and knew that you were crying again. He placed your breakfast on the table and sat down next to you. Not too close, he didn’t want you to back away or something.

“What happened to us?”, you asked him with a trembling voice. “We were so happy.”

The next clip was the day you gave birth to Jaemin. Jaehyun was crying and he held your hand. “Come on baby, you got this. You are incredible. I love you so much.”

“I love you Jaehyun- Oh god!”, you screamed as you were giving birth. Jaehyun supported you as much as he could. He let you squeeze his hand, scream and yell at him because of the pain you were going through.

“I... I don’t know...”, Jaehyun looked at you and then back at the TV. It was Jaemin’s first birthday.

“I am not hungry.”, you said. Because you really weren’t.

“You need to eat something. The Doctor strictly told you to-”, he tried to convince you, but you were to angry.

“I don’t care! I don’t fucking care!”, you yelled at him suddenly. You watched your son smiling happily at you but now, now he hated you. The smile on Jaemin’s face triggered something in you. “This is all your fault! Everything is your fucking fault!”

“I know. I’m sorry. Just eat a little-”, he tried to calm you down.

“I don’t want to eat something I want my son! You did this to me! He hates me because of you! My son hates me. He hates me.”, you were covering your face as you cried. Jaehyun was sitting next to you, helpless.

“My own son hates me for something I didn’t even do. I don’t deserve all of this. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“I’ll talk to him, please stop crying. You didn’t do anything wrong.”, Jaehyun’s heart arched.

“You will talk to him?”, your blood shot eyes looked at him now. “What are you going to tell him? ‘I cheated on your mother Jaemin.’ huh? ‘You mother didn’t do anything wrong; it was me who fucked someone else.’?! What are you going to tell him?!”, your voice got louder every second.

Jaehyun was also crying now. “I-I don’t know. Are you ever going to forgive me? I know I fucked up big time and it was the biggest mistake in my life.”, he was about to hold your hand, but you pulled away.

“A mistake you did for three whole months. Why did you even stop? Got too bored with her? Were you looking for someone else to fuck? Two women weren’t enough for you?”, she was furious, and she wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt her.

“Don’t say that. You are the only one for me, (Y/n). I... You were -are- too good for me. I didn’t know how to express my feelings. I know I made a mistake for months, but I was scared!”, he tried to wipe away his tears, but it didn’t help, tears were falling down his cheeks.

“Obviously, I wasn’t the only one. Would you ever tell me about it? If you hadn’t... If I hadn’t found out that night would you have ever told me?”

Would he? He didn’t know.

“I-I don’t know...”

You didn’t say anything to this.

“Maybe we should just get a div-”, you said but Jaehyun interrupted you. “Don’t you ever dare say that word. I won’t leave you. Ever. I know you don’t trust me, but I’ll do anything to gain your trust again. I’ll do anything you want me to. I love you so much, I can’t live without you. Please don’t leave me.”, he was on his knees now, looking up to your eyes and then his face fell into your lap and he cried.

The scene in front of you was heartbreaking. You looked at the TV and saw the clip of you and Jaehyun with Jaemin, a couple hours after you gave birth to Minah. Jaehyun cried out of happiness on the screen and now he was crying and holding onto you like you would disappear if he let go.

“I’ll be better. I promise you I’ll be the man you deserve. I promise you I’ll never hurt you again. Please don’t leave me. I love you. I love you so much.”, he cried and as you put your hand on his head and stroked his hair, you thought that maybe, just maybe, you could work things out.

“Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Jung. I’m Dr. Hwang. Since it is your first time here, it would be great if you could tell me a little about yourselves and your relationship.”

A week after your last fight with Jaehyun, you decided to go to couple therapy. You thought, maybe a professional could help you go through all of this.

“Let’s start with you, Mrs. Jung.”, she smiled at you.

Jaehyun was sitting on the other edge of the couch and felt uneasy. He feared someone else knowing about what kind of terrible husband he is. He was ashamed and he knew how hard it was for you.

“Well, I’m 28 and I’m working in a publishing company. That’s basically it.”, you didn’t know what other information she needed to know.

“Do you have any hobbies? What are you doing in your free time?”, she asked.

“If playing with my kids and cooking count as a hobby, then yes. And free time. I don’t know, I don’t actually have time for myself.”, you answered honestly.

“Alright. Now you Mr. Jung.”

“Well, I’m 29 and I work as a manager in a company. And I don’t have any hobbies.”

“Okay, thank you. Now please tell me how you two met and about your relationship in general.”

“We met in college.”, Jaehyun began talking with a smile on his face as he remembered how he met you. “It may sound cliché, but we didn’t like each other at first. We teased each other a lot. She looked so cute when she got mad and one day, I couldn’t handle her cuteness, so I just kissed her to shut her up and that’s basically it. I never loved anyone else since that day.”

You smiled, too. You remembered that day so well. You always had a crush on Jaehyun since the first day you met. Who wouldn’t? You were so shy at first but after he started teasing you, you teased him, too. The way you two looked at each other every time while teasing each other, it was like you were waiting for him to kiss you and when he did, you knew that he was the one. The one you’d spend the rest of your life with. The love of your life.

“That’s a cute story.”, Dr. Hwang smiled. “So please tell me now why you are here.”

It was too hard for you to say it out loud. You waited for Jaehyun to talk about it and he did. He knew it wasn’t easy to talk about it.

“We are here because I... because I cheated on my wife for three months.”, he looked down to his lap.

Dr. Hwang was writing down something as she listened to Jaehyun.

“Okay, please tell me more about it. How and why did you decided to come here? How did it start, and why did you stop?”

“Uhm, my wife found out because I- I said the other, person’s name, while we were... together...”, Jaehyun was so embarrassed. “It started in April, I think, with, uhm, with someone from work. I did it because I felt like I wasn’t good enough for her. (Y/n) is perfect in everything and I am just... me. I felt so little and useless and it is pathetic but I... I needed someone to tell me that I was good enough and... I couldn’t think straight and ended up with the... other person. After the first time I didn’t know what to do. I was too scared to tell (Y/n) and too dumb to stop it. It was our daughter’s birthday when I realized, that I was doing a big mistake and that I was destroying the perfect life I had. And then I broke it off , because I knew that I was hurting my wife, even though she didn’t know it back then. I was disgusted in myself and stopped as soon as I could. I know that nothing justifies my behavior but... I just wanted someone to tell me that I was... good...”

You didn’t know how to feel after he said all of that. Were you hurt because he looked for someone who was there for him? Were you hurt because you weren’t that person? Was everything you fault?

“Thank you, Mr. Jung. Mrs. Jung please tell me how you felt when you found out.”

That was hard to answer. “Well, I... I felt numb. I didn’t feel anything at first. After I found out, I left for a week. When I was alone I... I realized everything and I only felt pain... After I came back, I was numb again... but everything boiled up in me and I was furious.”

“Okay, thank you. So, I can tell, that you are going through a rough time. Both of you. What do you except to happen, now that you are here?”, she asked.

“I want my wife to be happy again. I need her to forgive me for everything I’ve ever done because I love her. I want to save our marriage.”

Mrs. Hwang nodded and looked back at you. “I want to save our marriage, too.”

And that was your first session. You looked out of the window as Jaehyun drove home.

“What do you think of her?”, Jaehyun asked after a while.

“She seemed nice. And you?”

“Yeah. She really seemed nice; I hope she’ll help us.”

After you arrived home it was timer for dinner. Luckily, Johnny watched your kids. He really is the best, you thought.

“Thank you for everything, Johnny. I’m so sorry to drag you into this mess.”, you were cooking dinner with Johnny next to you as Jaehyun played with the kids.

“I told you guys; I’ll always be there for you. Whatever happens between you two, I’m here for you two. And you know that I love the kids and of course they love me, I mean, Uncle Johnny is way cooler than Uncle Mark.”, he laughed and after a long time, you laughed, too.

Johnny stayed for dinner; it was less awkward. He was talking to Jaehyun and to the kids the whole time. You were playing with your food, slowly eating, because again, you weren’t hungry. Jaehyun watched you from time to time.

“Mommy??”, you were so deep in thoughts that you didn’t even hear Minah talking to you.

“Yes honey?”

“Mommy can Uncle Johnny sleep here tonight? Please Mommy!”, Minah said excitingly.

“But honey-”

“Mommy please?”, Jaemin asked you now. He was careful when he talked to you since you went to the hospital. The next day he saw you at home he cried again and jumped up, he wanted you to lift him up and you did.

“Mommy!”, he cried into your shoulder. “I thought I hurt you because I screamed at you... did you go to the hospital because of me Mommy?”, he cried.

“Oh my god, baby no! No of course not, I love you baby why would you think that.”, you cried, too.

Minah was in Johnny’s arms and started crying, too. You promised yourself that you’d never scare your kids like this ever again. After that Jaemin was talking to you as if you were fragile and could break any moment, which was the case.

“I’m sorry Mommy.”, Jaemin held you and never wanted to let go.

“(Y/n)?”, Jaehyun called for you now.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Uhm, I don’t know... Johnny?”, you looked at him. “I don’t care actually, It’s up to you guys.”

“It’s fine for me.”, Jaehyun didn’t mind.

“Yes! Thank you! Come on Uncle Johnny let’s watch Toy story!”, Minah jumped in her seat and Jaemin smiled brightly.

You on the other side weren’t that happy. For the past weeks you slept on the couch, you didn’t even think of sleeping in your bed with Jaehyun. But If Johnny stays, he needs a place to sleep.

Your kids were sleeping already and Jaehyun was talking to Johnny in the living room. You placed a blanket and a pillow on the couch and asked him if that was alright for him.

“Yeah don’t worry about me. Thanks.”

“Okay, uhm. I’m going to bed, good night.”

After a long time, you’d sleep in your bedroom again. You were nervous. After changing your clothes and brushing your teeth, you got under the blankets. It felt strange to be in this bed. You were at the edge, one push you’d fall, but this is also Jaehyun’s bed and you were scared to be too close.

It’s been a couple minutes since you were in bed and were laying on your back, eyes open.

Jaehyun came in and slowly closed the door. None of you talked and as he went to the bathroom, it felt like you could breathe again.

Jaehyun changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, and came back.

“(Y/n)?”, he asked.

“Yes?”, you looked at each other now. “C-Can I sleep here? I can also sleep on the floor If you want me to. Or I can sleep with Joh- okay no, just the floor.”

You wanted to laugh when he mentioned sleeping with Johnny, but he looked just like a lost puppy. “Yes, you can sleep here. It’s also your bed after all.”

He nodded and slowly got under the blankets next to you. It felt like years, being with him in the same bed. Jaehyun was also laying on his back, looking up. He tried to give you as much space as you needed but he wanted to touch you, he wanted to hold your hand and kiss you. Jaehyun wanted to breathe in your smell, the scent of vanilla he loved so much. Jaehyun wanted to tell you that he loves you. But he couldn’t.

He turned to the side to look at you. You felt his gaze on you and turned your face to him. The moon shined brightly tonight and was your only source of light.

Slowly, his hand got closer to your cheek, he was about to stroke your cheek but as you closed your eyes, he just couldn’t. He didn’t deserve to touch you with his dirty hands.

You thought he’d place his hand on your cheek but as you opened your eyes, you saw the struggle in his.

“I’m sorry.”, he pulled his hand back.

“Good night, Jaehyun.”, you said as you turned around, your back now facing him.

“Good night.”

Jaehyun was standing in front of you but it seemed like he didn’t see you or hear you. No matter how loud you screamed, Jaehyun never reacted.

“Jaehyun!”, you screamed again. There was a woman standing next to Jaehyun now, you couldn’t see her face. “Jaehyun!”, you screamed again. Jaehyun pulled the unknown woman closer to him and then he hugged her. “What the- Jaehyun? Can’t you see me? Please, Jaehyun?!”

You couldn’t move no matter how hard you tried, nothing worked. “I missed you so much, baby.”, Jaehyun said to the woman. “No Jaehyun! Please don’t! I’m here! I’m right here!”

The woman’s face was blurry, you couldn’t tell who it was. Jaehyun’s hand pulled her by her head and kissed her. He was kissing the woman right in front of your eyes and there was nothing you could do. “Jaehyun! Don’t do this to me please don’t. Please don’t kiss her!”, you were crying so hard that your sight got blurry.

“(Y/n)! Do you hear me?!”, you could hear Jaehyun’s voice, but it was impossible. He was kissing her. How could he talk to you while he was kissing the other woman?

“Wake up (Y/n)! Everything’s fine, baby. Open your eyes.”

Nothing is fine. Stop kissing her.

“It’s just a dream. Please wake up.”, he begged.

A dream? More like a nightmare.

Suddenly you opened your eyes and you were breathing heavily with sweat everywhere. Your heart hurt and you were scared. Was it just a dream? A nightmare?

“Look at me. It was just a dream.”, Jaehyun held you in his arms as he tried to calm you down.

You didn’t even notice how hard you were crying. You gripped his shirt with your hands and pulled him closer. Too scared to lose him if you let go.

“It’s okay baby. You are safe now. Everything is alright.”, he placed kisses on your hair as he held you. You were slowly able to breathe in a normal rhythm, but you didn’t let him go.

“It... It was so real. J-Jaehyun it felt so real...”, you whispered.

Little did you know that you were talking in your sleep. Jaehyun heard you crying out loud and he knew exactly what happened in your dream.

“I know baby, but it was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real, please stop crying.”

You let him go as you thought about your dream. It wasn’t just a dream. It happened. Jaehyun did that to you. He did kiss another woman.

“L-Let me go...”, you whispered.

“Are you feeling better now?”, he asked as he slowly let you go.

You shook your head. “Is there anything I can do for you?”, he asked now.

“N-No. Nothing I... I just need- I don’t know what I need.”

You really didn’t know what you need. Everything was happening so fast but at the same time so slow.

“I’m going to take a shower.”, you got up and left him alone in your bed. Jaehyun let out a sigh as he tried to get back to sleep.

But that night, neither of you got any sleep.

One week past and today was your second couple therapy session.

“Is there anything you want to know, Mrs. Jung? Mr. Jung promised to answer all of your questions.”

He really did. Jaehyun promised to tell you everything you wanted to know.

“Well, there are some questions I have...”

Jaehyun looked at you but you avoided eye contact.

“Go for it, Mrs. Jung. Just ask.”

You played with your fingers as you tried to ask the questions that bothered you for so long now. “My first question is... uhm... You said it was someone from work... do you, still... like... see her?”, your heart was beating hardly against your chest.

“I- uhm, yes. She’s there when I go to work...”, he was also playing with his fingers now, too scared to see your reaction.

“Okay... d-do you talk to her?”

“No. Not like before. I mean... just a little at our meetings, but like we are all talking, I’m not directly talking to her.”, he tried to explain that he really isn’t talking casually to her. Only when it is totally necessary.

“And you stopped... doing it with her, right?”, you asked even though Jaehyun told you many times that it was long over.

“Yes.”

“I have another question.”

Jaehyun’s eyes were on you again.

“Did you... When you said that you... uhm... chose me. Did you mean it? No, I mean... why? No no... god this is so stupid... Just tell me why you said that and If you were really about to... choose her...”, Jaehyun’s words that night really hurt you. Choosing your wife over your affair? Did Jaehyun really think about that back then?

You didn’t even notice the tears falling.

“I didn’t mean it like that- I... It was always you. I chose to love you many years ago and I still do and forever will love only you. I don’t know why I said that... I guess I tried to tell you that I was also hurt all the time and... It’s just that I thought... think... that I’m worthless. You are perfect. Literally perfect. And I thought you deserve better, you still do, but I love you. I always thought that you’d be happier... without me. I thought it would be better If we”, he let out a sigh, “broke everything off and the best way to this was to... hurt you. I know it’s stupid and If I could I’d go back in time and beat the shit -sorry- out of me.”, he tried to explain that it wasn’t choosing between you and her but between your life without him and your life with him.

Jaehyun was deep in thoughts as he talked, he tried to explain his stupid situation to you as good as he could, so that you could understand him, even a little.

You tried to go through everything in your head, but it was too much. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this right now,” you left Jaehyun and Dr Hwang as you tried to calm down. You got inside of your car and tried to breathe. You closed your eyes shut, trying to delete the images in your head. The images of Jaehyun with another woman. It didn’t stop. Whatever you thought of, you ended up with the same image in your mind.

You didn’t even notice that Jaehyun was sitting next to you. Tears also falling down his cheeks. You felt so helpless. You felt like there was nothing you could do to erase the pain.

“(Y/n), please look at me. Please. I’m trying so hard, I’m so sorry.”, Jaehyun cupped your cheeks. He was looking into your eyes and he wiped off your tears. “I’ll do anything for you. As long as you stop crying. I promise you the pain will stop.”

“Do you really think that? Do you really think that it’ll stop? Do you really think that I’ll be able to forgive you and we’ll be happy again?”, you searched for answers in his eyes.

“I know it. I know that we’ll be happy again. That you’ll be happy again. You are the strongest woman I know, and I will do anything in my hand to make you smile again.”

“I hate to be like that but… C-Can you stop working there? I... I don’t want you to be close to her.”, in the deepest of your mind you told yourself that it didn’t matter where he worked. He could do it again. Even if he changed his workplace, how could you be sure that it won’t happen again?

You tried to ignore the voice inside your head.

“If it’s what you want, of course. I told you I’d do anything for you.”

Silence. There was another question in your head, but you feared the answer.

“Jaehyun?”, you asked.

“Yes?”

“Do you still have her number? Or like… anything that involves her on your phone?”, you looked out of the window, you tried to focus so that you wouldn’t cry.

“No, I promise you. There’s nothing that involves her.”

“Okay.”, you sighed. You weren’t sure If you could believe him but at this point it didn’t even matter.

It’s been 8 months since the worst day in your life.

It was a very difficult journey until today. It was hard for you, after the first night you slept in your own bed, you stopped sleeping in the living room. Most of the times you were haunted by nightmares but day after day they became less. You and Jaehyun were close, yet so far from each other. In front of your kids you acted like always, like the happy couple with no failures, but when you were alone, you put a big distance between you two. You never let him touch you and he never tried, knowing how hard it was for you. In those 8 months, you never even kissed. But it was alright, Jaehyun would walk through fire for you.

The furthest of skin ship that happened was a couple months ago when you hugged him. You just hugged him out of nowhere and you didn’t let go for a whole hour. Jaehyun was too scared to put his hands around you but you asked him to.

“Please just hug me back. I need this right now.”

And he slowly hugged you back. Pulling you closer than you already were and softly caressing your hair.

You were still going to couple therapy together. It helped you so much, you wouldn’t know what would’ve happened If you were all alone. Johnny helped you also so much, taking care of the kids and even Jaehyun.

Jaehyun still hates himself. He acted like you were fragile, always trying to make you happy, never crossing any line you set. He came straight home after work and spend all his time with you and your kids. Jaehyun cooks for you to surprise you and he buys a different bouquet of flowers every Sunday for you.

Today, on your son’s sixth birthday, you invited your family and friends to celebrate your baby’s birthday. You never told anyone, except Johnny of course, what happened between you and Jaehyun. You were scared that your dad would rip Jaehyun’s head of and you didn’t want Jaehyun’s parents to know that his son did something as disgusting as that. It was your marriage and it was something between you and Jaehyun, but still, he couldn’t look his and your parents in the eyes. After months, he couldn’t even look you properly in the eyes.

After your son opened his toys, you couldn’t find Jaehyun. You opened your bedroom door and you could hear him crying. He was in the bathroom, sitting on the floor and he covered his face with his hands and just cried.

“Jaehyun?”, you closed the door and kneeled. “Jaehyun why are you crying? Hey, stop crying, Jaemin’s just six… he’s still your little-”

“I-I’m not crying because he’s growing up so fast, well, that’s also a reason but... It’s just…”, he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

You took his hands into your hands and looked at him. His eyes were blood shot red and the tears were falling down, and it seemed like they wouldn’t stop anytime.

“Hey, it’s alright. Look at me- “

“I can’t. I can’t look at you or at our family- I can’t even look at my own children. I just can’t. I don’t deserve any of you. I can’t look at your parents, knowing how much I hurt their daughter. I can’t look at my parents, knowing how disappointed they’d be. I can’t look at you, knowing that I am the reason for the pain in your heart, the tears in your eyes and the nightmares when you sleep. What kind of father am I? I always wanted to be a role model for my son, but now I hope that he never becomes like me.”

You were also crying now, you forgot about your family in the living room and you just cried with Jaehyun in the bathroom. “Jaehyun you are a great father, stop thinking like that. We’ll go through this together, don’t you remember? You promised me that.”

“I know but… what If I’m not good enough? What If I can’t make you happy again? What If- “, before Jaehyun could finish his sentence, you placed your lips on his. It was a slow kiss, you could taste the tears while you kissed him and he could, too. Both of your eyes closed, hand in hand.

Jaehyun was scared to go too far, but you sat on his lap and pulled him closer to you. After you kissed him, even though none of you wanted to stop, you placed your head in the crook of his neck and hugged him.

“I love you so much.”, he said as he hugged you back.

You couldn’t say it. He knew that you couldn’t, and it was alright. Jaehyun would give you all the time in the world. You wanted to tell him, that you loved him so much, but it was hard. But both of you knew, that you loved him.

It was your wedding anniversary one month later, and Jaehyun asked you out. This would be your first date after a whole year. You spent the last anniversary at home with your kids, at that time Jaehyun was rarely at home.

But two days ago, he bought so many roses and decorated your bedroom and asked you out. Jaehyun already asked Johnny to watch your kids and he happily agreed to do so, now it was just up to you. Were you ready to go on a date with Jaehyun?

Yes, you were.

Jaehyun told you to be ready at 7, he was still at work and told you to get ready. You stood in front of your closet, not sure what to wear. “He likes red. Maybe I should wear this- “, you were interrupted by the kids and Johnny.

“Mommy!! Can we come in?”, Jaemin asked.

“Yes, what’s wrong?”, you asked them as they entered your bedroom.

“This is for you.”, Jaemin and Minah handed you a package. “What’s this?”, you asked confused. “Just open it.”, Johnny smiled brightly.

And so, you did. There was a beautiful black dress inside the package. “Daddy told us to give you that!”, Minah said happily.

The dress was beautiful, really beautiful and it looked expensive. How could you were something so expensive, what If you drop anything on it while you eat?

“Mommy come on change we want to see it!!”, Jaemin jumped around.

“Okay okay, now get out.”, you smiled.

After you changed, you looked at the mirror and your jaw dropped. It’s been a long time since you wore something like this. It was a long black dress with thin straps, skintight, with a cut on the left side of your leg. You let your hair open and curled the tips a little. You were so excited; you almost forgot the most important thing.

Your wedding ring.

After you took it off, you only wore it when your family was around. But today you decided to wear it and you wouldn’t take it off again.

“How do I look?”, you asked after you left your room.

“Not better than me, that’s for sure.”, Johnny joked.

“Mommy is a princess!!”, Minah’s eyes shined just like you did.

“You are also a princess, my pretty girl.”, you placed a kiss on her head.

“When I grow up, I am going to marry you mommy.”, Jaemin said.

“Oh my god, can you get any cuter?”, you were about to tear up but the doorbell rang. You opened the door and you saw Jaehyun smiling brightly at you with another bouquet of roses in his hands. He was wearing a suit, and lord, Jaehyun in a suit was your weak point.

“Holy shit. “, he started.

“Jaehyun! Language!”, you hoped that your kids didn’t hear that.

“I’m sorry it’s just. Holy shit.”, he said again.

“I think it’s time to go.”, you waved at your kids and Johnny closed the door, Jaehyun was still in trance.

Jaehyun had a reservation at the restaurant you first went to on your first date

“It’s been so long since we came here, but nothing changed.”, you said, and he agreed with a hum. “God you are so beautiful.”, that was the nth time he told you how beautiful you were.

“Jaehyun stop, don’t make me shy.”

“But you are cute.”, he admired you.

The waiter filled your glasses with wine and as you put your hand around it, Jaehyun noticed the ring.

“You are wearing it?”, he smiled at you.

“Yes, and I don’t want to take it off. Ever again.”, you looked at it with a smile on your face.

“I’m sorry but you have to.”, he said seriously.

“W-What? Why?”

He took out a little box of his Jackett and opened it. “I want to give you this.”, there was a ring inside of the box. “We can’t… restart our marriage and I can’t erase our memories, I can’t undo what happened, but I can promise you, that I’ll love you with every breathe I take and that I’ll give you the happiness you deserve. I’ll do anything as long as you are happy, and I’ll never hurt you again. I can’t imagine my life without you. You gave me two beautiful children and your heart. It’s more than I deserve but I promise you, I will show you how much I love you until my last breath. This ring is my promise to you. I don’t want you to look at your old ring and think about… the bad times. I want you to look at this ring and feel happiness and love.”, Jaehyun was holding your hand and looked at you. For so many months, he couldn’t even talk to you, and now he was looking you straight into the eyes as he talked.

“Is that alright for you?”, he asked then.

You felt like crying again, but you didn’t want to, so you didn’t talk. You nodded your head and smiled at him.

He took off your old ring and replaced it with the new one.

You looked at it with the biggest smile on your face.

Of course, your heart didn’t heal fully, but day by day, the pieces of your broken heart got back together.

“I love you.”, he meant it. Jaehyun really meant it every time he told you he loved you. After being so close to losing you, it felt like his love for you grew and is still growing.

“I love you.”, after a whole year, you finally said it and it felt good. You were happy right now, it felt so good to say it back.

Life isn’t easy, everybody knows that. You could cry all day long and suffer in pain or you could do something to be happy again.

People tend to forget that time is the key. The process of healing takes time and that’s good.

Time heals all our wounds. Sometimes it takes longer but, in the end, you’ll be happy again.

2K notes · View notes

onewithnomightypowers · 3 years

Text

Old Habits

pairing: Tom Holland x fem!reader

summary: Old habits come back when you meet an ex lover after a long time. Conversations feel like you never stopped talking to them. Sometimes you have to see them one last time to say goodbye like you mean it but most of the time it doesn’t go as planned.

warning: drinking

words: 2.1k

a/n: could be read as part 2 of last kiss but is a stand alone. got a bit poetic at the end. hope you guys like it. and as always, love reading your opinions/reactions. also asks are open. (gif not mine)

masterlist

'@tomholland2013 posted a story'

She picked up her phone to open Instagram. Yes, Y/N still had notifications on for his account even after they were broken up for months. Classic Tom.

He posted two of the same picture on his story. No one understood how that would happen almost every time, not even the people working at Instagram to whom they contacted about the glitch.

Tom had his hair slicked back, standing in a white t-shirt next to Harry, his brother, giving a million-dollar smile. They were holding a clapperboard together. There was text on the picture too, 'day 1 let's go!!' She smiled to herself. Just because they weren't together doesn't mean that she wasn't allowed to feel happy for his achievements. Even though she wishes to know all these big things from Tom himself she is, unfortunately, left here, watching a small part of his life flash in front of her for less than thirty seconds.

"Are you listening?" Hope, Y/N's date said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. You were saying?" Y/N placed the phone back where it was resting, next to the cold wine bottle.

"You seem distant," they said.

When she 'met' Hope (she only really met them 30 minutes ago), Y/N wasn't looking for love, just sex, and that is what online dating specializes in. She hoped Hope knew what they were signing up for, sexual intimacy and nothing else.

"It doesn't matter does, does it? We both know what we are here for. Why not just cut the chase," Y/N replied.

It was early in the morning, the sun had yet to shine in its full glory. Y/N could only think of the first time she stayed over at Tom's old apartment but then she turned her head only to find Hope's naked body next to her. Her heartbeat accelerated with the realization that he was not hers anymore. Being in a foreign environment didn't help her growing anxiety, twisting and turning her intestines.

It's been four months, her feelings for Tom refuse to quit on her because she knows she could never quit on them, on him, even if he has. He probably has already found someone else in Canada, she thought. She didn't want him anymore but she still needed him, one last time just to teach her stupid heart how to say goodbye.

Y/N wore her clothes and picked up her shoes, going on a trail to find Hope's door to get out before they wake up. Climbing down the stairs, she took out her phone from the back pocket of her jeans.

'5 new messages from Sam' 7 hours ago

Sam: hey

Sam: ik it's late

Sam: I am going for a run tmr morning @6

Sam: do you wanna come?

Sam: will go to the new coffee house near my house after that

Y/N texted him back

Y/N: I'll meet you at the coffee place

Sam: come fast. already here

Sam and Y/N were standing in the queue to place their orders. “You look especially shitty today,” Sam said, running his right hand through his sweaty hair.

“I haven’t been home yet,” Y/N reasoned her appearance.

His mouth formed an ‘o’ shape. The person in front of them left the queue, they moved towards the counter. “One hazelnut latte, double shot with skimmed milk,” Y/N gave her order.

“And you?” the cashier’s question directed to Sam.

“I’ll have a matcha latte with oat milk”

Sam turned to Y/N, “Harrison got me on matcha, and now I can’t go back to coffee”

They paid their dues and moved over to the barista counter to collect their order.

“So, what were you doing last night?” Sam inquired.

“I was on a date, it isn't a big deal though. Just had some needs to take care of”

“Oh, was it any good?”

“It was fine. I was distracted the whole time. Saw Tom’s story about halfway into the bottle of merlot. Couldn’t stop thinking about him”

“Seems…sad. But you know Tom is coming back for the Christmas weekend, I think. He might attend Harrison’s Christmas eve party”

“One hazelnut latte and one matcha latte,” someone behind the counter screamed.

“That’s us,” Sam raised his voice.

Harrison had a bucket inside his house, under a sign that said 'drop your tracking devices here' with an arrow pointing to the bucket. Y/N dropped her phone on a pile of roughly fourteen others. Debating whether to see Tom's face was something she wanted or not made her late and not very fashionably.

The house was decorated with empty liquor bottles along with red and green streamers from one wall to another. Everyone was drunk in their best dress. There were no signs of Tom yet. Y/N took a deep breath, walking towards the kitchen to get herself some liquid courage to help her socialize.

The kitchen was rather scarcely populated. Empty glasses were lined up next to the sink. Are they clean or used? Bending down, Y/N opened the refrigerator to see if Harrison had any chilled wine. No luck. "Hey," a familiar voice was heard.

She looked up at the familiar stranger.

"Hey Tom," she smiled. The refrigerator light falling on Y/N made her blush visible.

She grabbed a half-cut lemon placed in the egg tray.

“How have you been?" Tom asked leaning back on the kitchen counter, observing her movements.

Y/N walked towards the sink to grab herself a crystal glass hoping for it to be clean. "Just busy with work these days"

"I heard you got a job at Condé Nast, is that true?" he took a sip from his beer.

"Well, you heard right. You are looking at their new senior brand manager for digital", she said proudly.

Tom hugged her from the side she was holding a knife to cut the lemon for her gin and tonic. "That's great darling! You always wanted to work there"

Darling. The butterflies in her stomach were fluttering like the first time she met Tom.

"I saw your story the other day. You started filming your script, right?" she dropped the lemon in the glass.

"Yup, it was a long time coming," he grabbed the knife she was using and washed it without even knowing. He was so used to Y/N never washing utensils after using them and, he would always have to clean up after her.

"Congrats on that babe!" The word 'babe' just slipped out of practice.

Y/N grabbed a Bombay Sapphire standing still on the marble slab. The blue of the bottle shinning even in the dim-lit room.

"I missed you," Y/N made eye contact, screwing the cap back on. A long, silent pause.

I miss you too, so very much

She cleared her throat, "so, how long are you staying?"

"Going back Monday morning"

She opened a can of tonic water.

"Are you seeing someone?" Tom asked.

"Wouldn't you wanna know" a smirk on her face grew. "I've been out on few dates, nothing serious. What about you?"

"Met this girl online, dated for a bit but, she wanted something I couldn't give to her"

Y/N scoffed, "did she have a foot fetish or something?"

"No, Y/N. She wanted love, not my feet" they both laughed.

"On that topic..." Tom calmed himself, "...I was listening to this song a few weeks ago and, there was this line, 'the smell of your hair reminds me of her feet' and it made me think of you"

"I reckon," she took a sip of her gin and tonic.

"No, seriously, I really related to that line. No matter how many people I hook up with, it will be hard to find the type of intimacy I shared with you. I still relate to it"

"I hate going on walks alone and having faceless dreams," Y/N blurted, lacking a proper reaction.

"You're still the face of all my fantasies," Tom confessed.

None of them knew what to say next. Anything they thought of saying now included walking over the blurry line of exes to lovers.

"You look pretty"

"Classic me, had a glow up after getting my heartbroken"

"You always looked this pretty. You are beautiful," Tom assured her. The 'heartbroken part did not sit well with him. He already felt guilty for taking a job across the pond which was a great opportunity for him to grow but was only possible by severing his ties with Y/N.

It had just started snowing on Boxing Day. Tom was alone in his cold home, boiling a pot of ramen noodles. He took out his phone and snapped a picture of the burning stove with the pot on top.

Tom: *attached photo*

Tom: I come back after months and my family leaves me alone with no food

Y/N: you should add a poached egg

Tom: Thanks. I shall.

Tom: I think I made too much ramen for me

Tom: do you wanna come over and share?

Her indecision was visible by the coming and going of the gray dots. Then finally, Tom could tame his anxiety by her simple reply.

Y/N: sure.

There was a loud knock on the door. Tom put two bowls of hot ramen on the dining table and went to open the door. Behind the door, Y/N was standing with her hands inside her brown checker coat. There was dust of snow sitting on her shoulders. Her braided hair was made by the most anxious hands in town.

The door opened and, Tom’s hands flew to take Y/N in his arms. They hugged like little kids hug their parents after being away from each other, for them, an eternity. It did feel like an eternity to them too but, they hadn’t forgotten each other’s touch.

“I parked my car at the church, couldn’t find any spot here ‘cause of the snow," she pulled out.

“The snow seems to be gaining momentum.”

Y/N hummed in agreement. She took off her coat and hung it in the Holland’s coat closet.

“Come on, the ramen is getting cold,” she followed tom into the kitchen.

They sat adjacent on the wooden table in comfortable silence. Tom used chopsticks and, Y/N used a fork. Only the occasional noodles falling in the broth were heard, along with the gushing of wind.

“It’s really spicy for me,” Tom said.

“Yeah, I can see your ears turning red.”

She still remembers

Y/N raised her hand to cover her mouth while yawning.

“Since you made the food, I’ll do the dishes,” she got up, grabbed their bowls, and walked over to the sink.

Wearing the gloves, she turned to Tom, “it was quite tasty”.

Tom gave her a smile.

She spread the soap on the dishes and turned the tap on. Tom pushed his chair back to get up.

“Have you made any friends at your new job,” he jumped and sat on the counter next to Y/N.

“Yeah, sort of. Kyara works there too so, I have just made her friends my friends,” she washed his chopsticks.

“That’s good. Have you talked to Emily after the wedding? She told me they are planning on adopting.”

“They invited me over for dinner when they got the approval from the agency. Kyara made this amazing Hyderabadi biryani, it was her mum’s recipe so, it was obviously better than the restaurant”

“God! You and your love for Indian food”

Y/N removed her gloves, “I should go. Thanks for the ramen, by the way”

“Are you sure you can go out in this weather?”

“Yeah I think," she started walking out of the kitchen.

Tom grabbed her hand. “Stay”, his voice was like cotton.

Y/N turned and made contact with his pleading eyes. She moved closer to him. “Please”, he said. They both were inching in to lock their desperate lips.

Y/N did not notice when she had fallen asleep talking to Tom. Their naked bodies were covered by the white comforter. Her eyes slowly opened to a boy with brown eyes and messy hair looking at her.

“I like it when you sleep. I love watching you sleep”

She chuckled. “That’s a bit creepy, don’t you think?” She had a sleepy voice.

“You look so serene, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I could stare at you for eons”

“But love, I'm only here till the snow settles,” she caressed his cheeks.

“Then the cold shall frost our limbs," he leaned in to kiss her.

tags: @elios-timotea

#tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #spiderman #marvel fanfiction #marvel #spiderman x reader #spiderman x y/n #spider man #spiderman x you

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p-antomime · 3 years

Text

dawn addiction.

— minors don't interact.

— wc: 3,3K

content + warnings: 18+, including: car sex, oral (female receiving), fingering, public sex (kinda of), unprotected sex, tummy bulge, pet names (dabi actually calls the reader "princess"), virginity loss (only mentioned), i bit of fluff bye

pairings: no quirk!dabi x fem!reader

— song: Press Your Number; by TAEMIN

After waking up alone one dark night without you sleeping next to him in the spacious bed placed in the middle of his room, Dabi catches himself thinking about you and feeling strange without having your warm body next to his in the bed. Thinking about Y/N was becoming a vicious habit for him and it was the kind of addiction that the more he fed, the more it seemed to swallow his sanity. However, he didn't blame you for not wanting to be seen or related to him, in a small town like the two of you Touya was the delinquent that people avoided interacting with lest they be excluded from that closed society.

He stretches to the side in order to get his own phone from the small table placed on the side of his bed and finds himself standing there for a few seconds feeling the smell of your body that permeated the pillow next to him. After taking a deep inhale, Dabi unlocks his cell phone to try to call you, but there is no answer, after all, it was past 1:00 AM in the dawn and Y/N was now probably lying in her own bed in her house trying to sleep.

The dark haired man lets out an impatient grunt before dropping the cell phone on the bed. He was deeply rooted in you and, because of that, feeling like an insane madman who was insisting on something that couldn't be his. But what could he do but fall in love with you after kissing your lips countless times and spreading your legs dangerously wide for him before claiming your virginity as his?

And the end of that night, just like all the others where you would finish fucking and you would shamefully put on your clothes to go home, would be filled by him masturbating with the thought of your naked body running through his mind.

Touya could feel the warm temperature of yours with little mental effort with his own fingers and would cling to the fading memories of the few non-sexual moments you had shared over the past few months.

That night, Dabi slept when the sun was already up, but Y/N, on the other hand, didn't even sleep a wink. She couldn't even take a lousy nap, because her eyes were glued to her cell phone screen waiting to see if he would call her again because on the first call of the night she wasn't brave enough to answer knowing that her parents were half a wall away. A coward? Yes, that's what she was. But there was a perfect daughter demeanor that she needed to maintain, especially if she wanted to continue to nurture her father's idea of letting her start studying at a university in the metropolitan area of the country.

Y/N would turn twenty a week from today — and if her father's promise to give you a car came true, her plan was already halfway done — and she didn't want to be stuck in that small, rural town forever. She had big dreams, and, ironically, in most of them the fulminating image of Dabi was present beside her. What if she was the only one there who wanted to leave that life? What if he didn't want to leave with her? But more importantly, at what point had their relationship become so deep?

It was now 7 o'clock in the morning, which meant that in about two hours your parents would wake up to go to work. You took a deep breath and reached out to grab the cell phone lying next to you on the bed, and then began to type a message as brief and vague as possible to your lover:

"Pack up all your stuff by next Friday. Take everything that you think is important or of value to you, pack it up, and meet me on the other side of the bridge that leads to the avenue out of town, the side that has the rusty 'Welcome to our town' sign. At two o'clock in the morning. No delays. And please try not to draw too much attention, wear the most decent, neutral clothes you have in your closet. Oh, and bring documents."

And all week long you could barely look your parents in the face without feeling guilty for wanting to break free from their protective arms, but you just couldn't take it anymore. You hated that small town, and you also hated being forced to go to church every Thursday and Sunday with your mother because she said that God would "bless you with all your dreams come true," so why didn't he just indirectly help you leave that town behind? Literally, the only thing holding you back in that town was Touya and you wanted to take him with you outside the boundaries of that town that looked more like a village forgotten by the rest of the world.

Y/N's favorite place to be was Dabi's lips, and even then, the girl's replies to him by messages and short calls that didn't last more than 5 minutes started to decrease drastically. The useless monologues continue to increase inside her mind. Until the Thursday before her birthday when Y/N was about to fall asleep after standing for almost 2 hours listening to the local church mass hoping that her mother would not notice her slouching and irritable posture, suddenly a sound of something banging against her bedroom window was heard. And initially she didn't bother to get up to find out what had caused the noise, until she heard it twice more and frowned as she got out of bed after seeing that it was almost two o'clock in the dawn.

You drew the curtains in front of the window, opened it and stuck your head out, looking down and suddenly feeling your cheeks heat up violently. And there was Touya looking at you with a look of sorrow and animosity. He pointed in the direction of the hidden backyard behind your house where the two of you in the beginning of your relationship used to hide just to spend some time together or have a make-out session that ended up leaving both of you sexually frustrated because neither of you had the courage to have sex in that place where anyone could see you if you made too much noise. However, Dabi was the devil in your life worth sinning for.

— What the fuck are you doing here? — Y/N asked almost desperately as she felt Touya wrap one of his arms around her waist to glue their bodies together.

— What? Can't a man miss his beloved and want to go see her? — He asked, holding her face with his free hand. — You barely answer my messages.

— I told you we were going to meet tomorrow, on Friday. — You rested your hands on his chest to move away just enough to look him in the face.

— And about that, you're killing me with curiosity, princess. What are you thinking of doing tomorrow? It's your birthday. — Dabi commented, running his thumb along her bottom lip affectionately.

— I-I know. — You replied, looking away. — I was planning on... going out... with you. — You just didn't say it was going to be an out-of-town trip with no intention of coming back.

— What are you hiding? — He asked, leaning down to place a simple, tender kiss on her lips.

— Would you follow me wherever I went?

— I would follow you to the ends of hell if you asked me to. — Dabi answered, and instinctively you grabbed his face to place your lips back on theirs in a kiss deeper than the one before in a frenzy of feeling.

— Then do it. — Y/N whispered against his lips staring into his beautiful turquoise eyes. — For my birthday the only thing I ask from you is to always be by my side, I don't need material gifts.

Seconds after you finished speaking, the sound of footsteps inside your house could be heard, and a shiver ran down your back as your hands desperately pushed Dabi away in the direction of the very door through which the two of you had entered the yard.

— Damn, not even at dawn I... — Touya began to complain as he walked briskly away from you and disappeared into the darkness of the night to return to his house.

— Shhh, shut up. I'll see you at dawn. Two o'clock, don't forget. — You whispered loud enough for him to hear you as you turned back and faced the back door of your house slowly opening to reveal to you the sleepy figure of your father.

— Honey? — He asked, and you gasped as if you were distracted by something while you could hear your heart beating rapidly. — What are you doing out here? It's late? and cold, you might catch cold.

— I... — Y/N looked around just to make sure there was no more sign of Dabi. — I heard a noise here when I went down to get some water and just wanted to come down and see if it wasn't an animal or something. But it was nothing, I guess it was just my mind playing with me. — It was a good enough lie considering that it wasn't hard to wake up during the night to go to the bathroom or eat something from the fridge.

And then your father called you inside and you promptly went. As the day went on, not even your father's birthday present with the car seemed to quell the anxiety inside you of going to see Dabi in the middle of the night with no intention of coming home. Y/N packed three backpacks and after watching your parents go to sleep, put them all on the back seats of the car after grabbing the keys that your father had left on top of the coffee table in the living room, and also grabbing some money from your father's safe that was in a secluded room in the residence.

After writing a short, albeit long, letter explaining to her mother that she was going to the metropolitan city — but without saying with whom — to try a new life there and that you would be fine because "there were friends waiting for you there" — which was a big lie, but she didn't need to know that — Y/N put on a sweatshirt and ran out of her now former home. Remembering all the various driving lessons her mother had made her take last year, you put the key in the ignition and made sure that your license and other documents were in one of the pockets of the three backpacks on the back seats. And you set off across town to reach the end of the bridge that served as both a gateway into and out of the city, parking exactly beside the welcome sign.

After about fifteen minutes, you watched a silhouette approach through the darkness, and if you didn't recognize the blue-toned sweatshirt with white details that Dabi usually wore when he didn't want to attract attention, you would surely lock yourself inside your car for fear that it was some sexual predator. Before he could finish approaching you at the agreed upon spot and open his mouth to vocalize something, you ran toward him to jump into his arms and kiss him fervently like you hadn't done in almost two weeks. He didn't fight your grip and responded to your display of affection instantly, he missed your touch more than he would admit.

— Where are we going? — He asked, analyzing her new car as he watched you open the back seat door and gestured for him to put his own belongings inside.

— To the big city. — You answered unlocking the door next to the driver's seat after hearing Dabi choke on his own saliva looking at you as if he hadn't heard you correctly. — Come in. — Your head swiveled inward.

— What do you mean we're going to the city? What about your parents? You have a loving family here, I have nothing to lose, but you? — Dabi put one hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently.

— I want to go to the city. I want to live with you. — Y/N replied feeling her cheeks heat up and looking at him expectantly. — You said you would go anywhere with me, to the ends of hell.

— And I will, but this decision... — You interrupted him.

— Please. For once in my life I want to do things my way. Without having to hide you from anyone, without having anyone judge me for being with you. Let's go to another city, live together, we'll figure it out when we get there. — You put one hand on his forearm, squeezing it gently.

Touya took a few seconds to process the information and after looking from you to the car, he said:

— Where are the keys? — You waved them in front of him, flashing an amused smile. — So get in the car, doll face. I'll drive. — He gave you a light slap on the butt before pushing you toward the driver's seat, getting into the car and putting the key in the ignition. — How long until we reach the city?

— About six hours, we can get there in the morning.

— Great. — Dabi started the car and began to drive along the deserted road while resting one hand on Y/N’s covered thigh and occasionally giving the area a gentle squeeze.

After about an hour of driving, you became distracted by fiddling with your cell phone until you noticed his long fingers sneaking up and over your thighs until they came dangerously close to Dabi's real intended destination. Her eyes cast a serious countenance at him as if she were silently saying: "Don't you dare" and in response his lips parted in a defiant smile as his hand on the steering wheel slowed and eventually brought the car to a full stop.

— C'mon. It's been almost two weeks since we had sex. — He said, lowering the two seats you were sitting on and pulling you to sit on his lap with your back against the steering wheel.

— And the best place you could find to have sex was inside my new car? — Despite your complaint, you didn't try to restrain his hands from reaching into your sweatshirt to grab and squeeze your breasts, nor did you object to the feeling of his knee pressing against the middle of your legs.

Touya lifts your arms and pulls up your sweatshirt and then concentrates on removing the simple tank top and lacy bra you were wearing, shortly after which he leans over your body to take one of your nipples between his lips to begin stimulating it. In response, you rub your hips against his leg as your hands grip his dark hair as a way to relieve the growing tension settling through your body. His hands slowly slid down your back, past your waist and into your pants, while his right hand also invaded your panties to run his fingers over your pussy lips and his left was busy opening the buttons of that garment.

Y/N put her hands on the hem of his sweatshirt, pulled it up, and was not surprised to see him with nothing underneath. Strangely enough, his skin was naturally too warm and it was not hard to believe that even with the low temperature outside the car he would only need a casual sweatshirt to not feel cold. And that was exactly why you liked so much to run your hands along his body exploring him calmly to make your touches last longer.

Dabi turned his body so that you were lying on the passenger seat and stood over you with a smug smile as his hands dug in and squeezed the skin of your legs after he finished getting rid of your pants with some difficulty because of the tight space.

— Keep your legs open for me or I won't let you cum, princess. — He whispered, sliding his mouth down her torso to her pelvis and pulling her hips up as high as possible before burying his fingers inside her pussy and enveloping her clit with his lips.

Y/N's hands gripped Touya's now messy hair and pushed his face against her hip in search of more of that mind-blowing pleasure she had missed for the few days she had been avoiding him. Suddenly the car became extremely hot, almost to the point where you both felt suffocated and ironically neither of you cared about that, not when Dabi was curving his fingers and sucking your clit in the way that always made your vision cloud and too loud moans escape your mouth. But, you didn't want to cum in his mouth, so your hands moved his face away from your hips and pulled his body up.

— Please, Touya, I need you inside me. — Her voice was slurred by her rapid breathing.

Dabi didn't need you to say anything else, he just stepped back briefly to get rid of the clothes that were still covering his lower body, adjusted your hips to his, leaned on the car door behind your body and guided his cock to the entrance of your pussy. As you felt him fill and enlarge you completely with his tip rubbing against your cervix, you groaned, leaning on his shoulders to face him and watching the small rise against your belly that was always present when that black haired man penetrated you.

Touya slid one hand down your neck and closed his fingers around your neck applying just the right amount of pressure to make waves of pleasure run through your body and not to hurt you. He began to move and Y/N passed her legs around his waist moving her body downward every time Dabi moved upward, occasionally he would take her lips on his just because he liked to feel her moans against his mouth and the rhythm of his hips gradually began to get harder and faster.

— I should cum inside you, hmm? — Touya asked, keeping eye contact with you every moment he thrust inside you again and making you clench your walls around his length without you even realizing it. — Damn, I love you so much, you have no idea what I would do for you.

— So show me. — You grabbed the wrist of his hand that was still resting on your neck and squeezed it without too much force. — Make me your girl.

With a smug and satisfied smile, he continued thrusting himself against her insides to the point where her hips began to ache just seconds before she reached her own orgasm with her nails digging into the skin of Touya's arm and her back arching as spasms coursed through her entire body at a high rate of speed. He gave a few thrusts against your pussy until the white streaks of cum painted your insides and slowly pulled out of you, wanting to prolong the feeling of having you squeeze him some more.

Dabi let his tired body fall back against the driver's seat and concentrated on stabilizing his breathing while you did the same as you looked up at him with the following thought running through your mind: "This is definitely the man I want to be with forever". The thought made your cheeks burn and it didn't go unnoticed by him:

— What? — One of his eyebrows arched.

— Nothing, I was just thinking... about you, about us. — You answered, starting to look around the car for your clothes, and an amused laugh came from Touya's mouth, who looked at you tenderly.

— So I'm always on your mind?

— More than you think, yes. — Y/N answered, leaning over to place a tender kiss at the corner of his lips. — Now get ready, get your clothes, let's get back on the road.

— Can we fuck again before we get to the city again? — Her eyes narrowed in disapproval.

— Shut up, you idiot.

#dabi smut #bnha smut #mha smut #my hero acadamy #boku no hero academia #bnha touya #touya smut #bnha dabi #mha dabi #i4nanami #bnha toya #touya todoroki #dabi x oc #dabi x you #dabi x reader #dabi x y/n #bnha

208 notes · View notes

spectracully · 4 years

Text

busy boy.

pairing : fratboy!jaemin x sororitygirl!reader warnings : drinking, mentions of drugs, a bit suggestive (but pls note that this isn’t smut), cursing, mentions of divorce genre : fluff, angst, college!au word count : 2.5k

summary : inspired by chloe x halle - busy boy. basically playing around with the local campus playboy, na jaemin for months is not the best thing, not the worst thing either.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You face yourself in the bathroom mirror, hands gripping the white sink. You saw him, right there. Dancing in the middle of the frat house’s living room with a girl in his arms. Na Jaemin, the boy you’ve been talking with for 3 months now, who recently just texted you “are you up?” on 9.15, and when you replied to him that you’re actually at his frat house, attending the party that Jaehyun hosts, he just texted you back one hour later by saying he’s with his family.

You’re malfunctioning right now, still dazed, don’t know whether it's because of the alcohol, the weed Lucas gave you, or it’s just you- believing his cheap lies. Cause when you think about it, who the fuck leaves the campus, go home and spend time with family in finals month? Yeah, you’re the one who’s dumb here, actually believing his lies. But who blames you for believing in the first place, anyway? You and your sorority sisters have arrived here since 8.30 anyway, an hour and half is long enough to get you lightheaded from the shots you take.

You glanced at your watch, it’s only 11.28 pm. About an hour since you read his text, and practically 34 minutes after you literally saw him. Facepalming yourself, you close the toilet seat and sit above it. It’s not even right in the middle of the night, but it has been a wild ride for you. It’s kinda frustrating when you are the one who actually started this game, you knew Jaemin is hell of a playboy on campus, yet you decided to get some taste of it just because he’s being a real gentleman with sweet words to you. Yeri was actually furious when she saw Jaemin dropped you off at the sorority house a few weeks ago, she warned you that you should dump him before you’re too attached, but you won’t listen. There it is, the fruit of not listening to Yeri’s 40 minutes lecture of how you should avoid men like Jaemin, Lucas, Yuta, Ten, Johnny and Jaehyun in your love life, big disappointment.

Finally catching your breath, you decided that it is time you get back outside, and actually do something about it, rather than being all somber and gloomy. Jaehyun threw a goddamn frat party in the middle of finals month to relax the fellow students’ mind, not for you to dwell on your sadness, in the bathroom. It’s embarrassing. And a disgrace for your sorority.

You head out, spotting Lucas who’s leaning by the counter with Hendery and Jungwoo. They’re probably hitting more blunt and having some existential crisis over a potato chip wrapping. You continue to scan across the house, only to catch a sight of Joy busy making out with Sungjae on the couch. Or Yeri, who’s currently twerking to Doja Cat’s song, totally shitfaced. You sighed, your friends are either high, shitfaced, or sucking a boy’s face out. You really wanna continue your search for your other sisters, but then suddenly a light brown haired boy appears in front of you.

“Hey, y/n, you alright? You look like you’ve been through 4 divorces.” he asks as he stares at you, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, I just went through a fucking divorce. With your homeboy.” you answer him absentmindedly, pointing to the black haired boy who is wearing a black-white patterned wool sweater and a red shirt underneath, along with his slate-grey suit pants and a silver necklace. The boy in the topic is currently talking with the girl you saw earlier, being all smiley and shit.

Mark just laughs lightly as he sips his beer, “Oh him? Yeah he’s quite a busy boy. Probably went through countless divorces with half of the campus.” you chuckle at him, he knows what you’re talking about. All these girls never even had a proper official relationship with Jaemin, including you, but always ended up getting a nasty ass divorce without any reason. You know that, but you did not expect that you’d hang on up until now.

“You wanna do something about it?” Mark asks, nudging your elbow. He’s in a helpful mood now, probably because he is still not completely shitfaced or high. You glance at him, giving him a questioned look.

“Well.. I mean I would do it, but what? Kissing you in front of him so that he’ll get jealous? No, Mark. You know that his head is made out of a fucking rock, right?” You answer him, seizing his beer and take a big ass gulp.

“Hey, that’s my beer- What? Kiss you? Gross, dude. If you are looking for that guy, might as well run to Lucas or Jungwoo.” he lifts his eyebrows, slightly engrossed. You laugh at him, he’s a funny guy when he reacts to your silly jokes.

“Do I look like I wanna give you a kiss, Mark? No offense, but I don’t like crackly lipped boys.” you tease him, now he’s pouting and starts touching his lips, “Is it too crackly though? You have a lipbalm or something?” he asks

You continue to laugh while fishing the watermelon lipbalm out from your black leather jacket and pass it to him. He muttered a small thanks. You set the beer aside to the table then face him once more.

“Anyways, what should I do?” you eye him, who is now done applying the lipbalm.

“Drop your drink to the girl or something? Make sure he notices you dude.” he suggests, shrugging his shoulder.

“You’re dumb, Mark. It’ll cause a fucking catfight in the middle of party.” you deadpanned.

“Oh yeah, you have a point.” he swept his hair to the side, glancing at the whole party situation. That’s when you get the idea. Scratch kissing other boys in front of him, it’s probably the right time to call him the fuck out, you already have alcohol running in your system anyways, might as well go all out tonight, since everybody else also seems like already intoxicated by the liquors.

You lightly brush your hair, stretching your neck and praying to god that he’ll forgive you for what you are about to do. “Toodles, Mark. I’ll think a way when I get drunk, soon enough.” you wave him a goodbye, heading to the dining table to get a bottle of vodka, it’s half empty though, considering you’re being pessimistic tonight.

You chug the bottle with no mercy, wishing it’ll bring you straight to intoxication. You start to feel it kicking in, when you finish the last drop of the vodka. Banging the bottle to the nearby table, you make your way to Jaemin, who is currently sitting on the staircase by himself, checking his phone.

“Ooh, busy boy, aren’t you?” you ask him, not giving anymore fucks. He looks up to you, who is currently squinting at him, face reddening from the alcohol heat. He stares at you, biting his lip.

“Y/n. You’re drunk.” he says lightly as he stands up, tucking strands of your hair to the back of your ear. You squirm from his action. As much as you want to punch him in the face for playing with your emotions, you really miss his touch.

“I am not! Jaemiiiiin, why did you lie to meeeee?” you whine loudly to him on purpose, placing his hand on your face, pouting. Your plan worked, a few people turned their heads to you and Jaemin. He just sighs and snorts, smelling the strong liquor scent that slipped out of your lips. You can feel Yeri is probably trying to kill you with her glare, you know how much she hates Jaemin.

“Listen, baby, what are you trying to pull?” Jaemin whispers close to your ear. You’re not that sure whether it’s because of the loud music blasting in the whole house, or it’s just Jaemin’s voice. Whatever it is, your ears are tingling, sending funny sensations down to your spine.

Jaemin is pissed, you know it damn well from his tone, stern and strong. Oh yes, you love it so much, pissing him off, probably you’ll start humiliating him more and more in his own frat home, because that’s what he deserves for playing with you, and some other random girls.

“Don’t baby me, Jaemin! You said you were with your family, and then I saw you with some random girl!” you shout. At this point, you don’t really care about what others think of you, because they can clearly see you’re being drunk and probably will shrug it off. If that’s what it takes to call Jaemin out in a huge crowd, then you’ll take it. You have nothing to lose, anyway, they’ll agree with you, they all know Jaemin is a big flirt.

And there it is, the anger and humiliation fills Jaemin up. He pulls your wrists, practically dragging you upstairs. You liked it, don’t know why, it’s just fun, making him mad when it’s actually you, who should’ve been mad in the first place. He rushes you to get into his shared bedroom with Jeno and Renjun. Amused, you quickly sit on his bed, acting like you’re dumb.

He shuts the door behind him, crossing his arms. “What’s this all about, baby?”

You snort, “I think you know, Jaemin. You’ve been messing around me for 2 months- or what, I actually lost count because you’re such a busy boy.”

He widen his eyes, “I don’t-”

“Oh shut up, are you surprised that I actually last longer than all your pretty girls?” you stand up, you can’t contain the anger anymore.

“Listen, baby, I-”

“I said, don’t baby me when you do that to probably other 7 girls!” you shout, glaring at him, who is currently freezing on his space.

He sighs and sweeps his hair in frustration, licking his lips. “Will you listen to me first, at least?”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms while glancing at his study desk. Nicely decorated, and you can see his family photograph neatly placed in a small frame. You noticed that he’s quite a reader too, judging from his book collection compared to Jeno and Renjun.

“First, I gotta admit, you last longer than other girls, yes. And second, it’s because I want to keep you-” he starts, taking a seat next to you,

You scoffed, “Keep me? You think I’m some kind of puppy that follows you around, Jaemin? You’re being such a dick right now! Do you think that I’m just some kind of wh-”

“Can you not interrupt me, baby? I’m talking.” he growls, placing his hand to your thigh. You can feel your cheeks heat up from his actions. Jaemin, being Jaemin, can sense that you’re actually flustered, he lightly squeeze your thigh, just to see your cheeks redden even more. God, he’s such a flirt.

“But first, I got to be honest with you, I was torn between ghosting you or continuing. That explains the lie a lot.” he clears his throat, looking into your eyes. You’re not giving him a reaction (except the fact that you’re already as red as a fucking cooked lobster from his hand placement), just like he said, don’t interrupt him.

“I mean- after all those messing around, I grow tired of it. I-I don’t even want to flirt anymore, I want to be comforted.. Those girls, those people.. They know I’m not serious and they do the same, y/n. We just kinda.. Have a good time and dipped.”

You’re still sitting in silence, eyes fixed on Jaemin, who now looks flustered. This is not Jaemin at all, he’s usually cocky, cheeky, and flirty, just exactly like a few seconds ago. He usually throws wink here and there, but now he actually looks… vulnerable.

“I was surprised you’re still holding on for like 3 months.. Those girls won’t even last for 2 days, y/n. It’ll end up me ghosting them or vice versa, no one ever had a second date with me. But you, you can’t seem to give up when I’m not replying, don’t you?” he chuckles as he looks at you softly,

You giggle at him a little, “Yes. I’m THAT dumb, Jaemin.” you admit to him. In reality, you know it, you know when he’s not replying, he’s probably with some other girls. But you are being deadass, you just don’t know what possessed you, you just keep on texting him like it’s nothing.

He rubs the back of his neck, “I was actually scared that you’ll dump me when I develop actual feelings to you.. Or worse, what if I break your heart after we have something? I mean, if I have to, I’d break it now, so the pain is not too harsh. That’s why I keep on lying to you, and maybe, not replying to your messages.”

At first, you feel bad from hearing him speak truthfully. But after he opened his mouth again, you can feel the anger slowly rising again through your veins. He is very very selfish and self-centered. Is this how he show his true color? A man with a big ego? That’s it?

You tilted your head, “Fuck you. Really. Then why did you start the conversation, Jaemin? You could’ve told me how you felt and we’re set. But I can see-”

He shakes his head, interrupting your words, “I-I told you, y/n. I’m very torn between wanting to pursue you, or letting you go. That’s why I often not replying right after I texted you. I’m sorry, I really do.”

You’re angry. You’re sad. But you’re confused that you’re a little happy too, hearing him speak from the bottom of his heart. But that’s very selfish of him, doing those acts to you. He could’ve told you what he actually feels way earlier than this, so you can make sure what are you two doing, instead of playing pointless games of ghosting and chasing around again.

“I see. You’re so fucking selfish, Jaemin. We talked for months and this is all I got? Am I not worth of your explanation from the start? I know you wouldn’t do anything if I hadn’t drag your ass in the middle of the fucking party!” you stand up, you can no longer hide your disappointment to him, tears start rolling down your face.

His heart breaks a little, watching bundle of tears fall from your eyes. He is the heartbreaker, but those girls were never crying when he ghosted them after they had fun, those girls would catch another boys and forget about Jaemin right away. This is Jaemin’s first ever experience, seeing a girl crying because of what he did.

He knows that he’s an asshole for playing fire, but now he feels like he is THE asshole. He broke your heart right on, and it breaks his heart right back.

You sigh deeply, trying to catch a breath after a few sobs. “Don’t fucking find me. Have fun with your girls.” you look at his eyes with full of anger and hate. With heavy steps, you walk to the door, thinking about things you’re about to do once you get downstairs, probably joining Lucas and the gang, stoning yourself out, so you don’t have to think about Jaemin and his stupid beautiful face.

Just when you try to reach the door knob, you can feel Jaemin is grabbing onto your hand.

“Y/n, I am truly sorry.. After what you did earlier, I realized that I’m a big fucking loser. I can’t even admit my feelings. When you call me out earlier, I just wanna dissolve into thin air. I can’t handle the shame of being such a dick, I should’ve told you what I feel instead of making uncertain decisions.”

You turn to him, seeing his eyes glimmering, probably because of the tears pooling up. You’re hurt, you want to push him away as far as possible, you want to see him suffer. Hell, you just want him to extinct. But seeing him like this, you can’t lie to your own feelings, you like him. You really do. But just like your sorority sisters taught you, yourself comes first, not those stupid silly boys who just fuck around.

“Goodbye, Jaemin.” you say to him, holding back more tears coming in.

Just when you’re getting ready to reach the doorknob for the second time, he pulls you into his arms. You want to let go of him, but he’s strong, and you- actually wanting this for so long. You hate him, but you have feelings for him. You can’t help but stay on his embrace.

And then... There it is, the feels. It comes back, the way you hide yourself from Yeri whenever you pick up his calls, or maybe the late night drive to nearby McDonalds, or maybe flirting through the notes you pass during class, or maybe the first kiss you shared with him in front of your sorority house, and ended up being scolded by Yeri and Joy.

You realized that it was a stupid crush with the stupid playboy Na Jaemin, but you enjoyed your time with him. You remembered how he likes to send you goodnight selfies, or maybe the way he pouts a lot when driving. Those 3 months of on-and-off-unofficial-relationships with him, is actually making you feel things.

“Y/n, I know I don’t deserve you, but really.. This time, I mean it. I promise, I won’t mess around. Please, I know I’ve been such a dick, but if you just give me one more chance, y/n.. But I completely understand, if you hate me, and you probably want to slam me to death, and I will allow you-”

You look up to him and grabbed his face, crashing his lips into yours. He tastes like cherry soda, with a hint of cigarettes. He seems like enjoying the kiss, he cupped your cheeks as he deepened the kiss. You can feel his hands travel around your body, only to land in your hips.

You want to trust him this time. He promised you. He meant it. He will take care of you. And you trust him, this time.

“Alright, busy boy. I do want to slam you, though... But remember, just because you’re so damn fine, I won’t even think twice to dump your ass if you act up.” you warn him.

The tears you shed just bloomed into giggles and smiles. The inconsistency between the 3 months before finally disappeared, and reborn again into a new promise.

He nods. “Believe me baby, you’re the one who wants to be slammed right now.” he teases you, glancing to his bed. You can feel your cheeks reddening again, you lightly hit him, and he laughs. He’s a cheeky boy.

“Busy boy, huh?” he giggles, “Your busy boy.”

The anger within you is released now. No more chasing around like a fool, no more getting late replies from Jaemin, no more nights of hoping that he’d reply, because he’s only busy for you now.

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kozumekenza · 3 years

Text

on my mind :: three

:: suna rintarou x f!reader :: playlist :: masterlist ::

:: taglist: open :: wc: 2.0k ::

After a drunken one-night stand with your ex, you thought you could get him out of your life for good. Unfortunately, the two of you can’t seem to keep away from each other. Why can’t you leave each other alone? And more importantly, why is he still on your mind?

tw: alcohol, profanity, talk of sex, gets a little bit nsfw at the end (heavy kissing)

author’s note: I officially have an update schedule and final chapter count for this! It will update on tues/thurs at 6pm pdt, with a final chapter count of eight. I’m also planning on writing a few bonus chapters that are nsfw to add a bit to the story, but they won’t be a “necessary” read and will also be able to be read as one-shots. Thank you everyone for reading and for all of the support so far!

After the disaster that was your phone call with Osamu (the audacity of Miya Atsumu), the rest of your day went smoothly. You met the rest of the players (you were thrilled to see Aran) and went home at the end of the day, feeling pretty good about your new job. If everything between you and Suna stayed a secret, then everything would be fine.

Unfortunately, you forgot to account for the fact that you were surrounded by a bunch of men (boys, in your opinion) in their twenties, who thought more with a certain appendage on their lower halves than they did with their brains. This convenient fact was made apparent on Wednesday afternoon, during a routine stretching break.

You were hovering around Atsumu, Aran, and Suna, working on Aran’s shoulder with one earbud in, humming along to some pop song with the other ear not-so-subtly listening in to the boys’ conversation.

Suna sat his water bottle down and turned towards Aran. “Dude, I had the best and worst fucking night on Saturday. I told ‘Tsumu already, but d’ya wanna hear?”

You kept your head down, focusing on your task while praying that Aran would say no. Apparently, Atsumu had kept his promise and didn’t tell anyone but his twin brother, because Aran nodded his head. You internally cringed, sneaking a glance at Atsumu out of the corner of your eye. The smug bastard had a grin on his face and even had the nerve to look at you and fucking wink. He was lucky that you were already willing to keep this a secret at all costs, or else you would’ve slapped that look off of his face.

“Alright, so I went out Saturday night to get drunk before practices started, and I met this sexy chick at the bar. I don’t remember much, ‘cause I was fucking wasted, but I took her back to my place.”

Aran held his fist up for a fist bump. “Score, dude!”

Suna rolled his eyes, “Yeah, that’s what I thought at first too. Except I woke up the next morning, and she was gone. Left her bra and skirt at my place, but get this, she stole my fucking National Team jersey!”

Atsumu was uncharacteristically quiet, but Aran filled the silence with a “Damn, bro.” You winced at Suna’s storytelling, yet internally thanked the universe that he didn’t remember that it was you.

“Yeah, the managers are gonna kill me when I ask for a new one. It’s all good though, ‘cause I’m pretty sure the sex was fucking amazing.”

You couldn’t help the choking sound that left your throat and the coughing that followed. Suna handed you his water bottle as you sat down, a concerned look on his face. Meanwhile, Atsumu was fucking laughing. You greedily drank from the bottle, shooting Atsumu a glare.

After thanking Suna and handing the bottle back, you walked over to the bench to prepare for the second half of afternoon practice. You did not want to stick around them for any longer and listen to any more of Suna’s narrative.

A large arm slung itself across your shoulders, and you threw an elbow back without looking. Atsumu clutched his ribs and winced as you turned around, seething.

“I can’t fucking believe you, Miya Atsumu. First you wink, then you laugh?”

He stood back up, grinning. “It’s not my fault that it’s so funny.”

“Miya Atsumu! My failure of a love life is not funny.”

“So you admit that he’s a part of your love life?”

“Shut the fuck up, Miya.”

---

Luckily, there was no repeat of the events that occurred Wednesday, at least that you heard. You steadily avoided Suna, not wanting to hear him talk about the “hot chick that stole his jersey” again. Your avoidance plan worked fine, until he began seeking you out. He started stopping by your office when you weren’t there. Iwaizumi always relayed the message to you when you passed him, mentioning the “tall middle blocker that keeps looking for you”. It wasn’t until Friday, when Suna somehow injured his ankle, that you had a moment alone with him. As you worked on wrapping his ankle up, he surveyed your office.

“I’m surprised you still have any photos with me.”

His words made you pause your work, following his eyes to the framed photo on your desk. It was a photo of you, Suna, Aran, and the twins, taken just a week before you left with no warning. “Why?”

“Well I know we didn’t end things on the best of terms. I thought you would’ve destroyed anything to do with me by now.”

You hummed thoughtfully and resumed your work. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

He looked at you quizzically. “What do you mean by that?”

“I’m an athletic trainer for a volleyball team because of you, Suna.” You watched his knitted brows. “When I fell in love with you, I also fell in love with volleyball. It was the only piece of our relationship I allowed myself to keep when I left.”

He looked at you as if he was seeing you for the first time. “I never realized.”

“That was my intention.”

He sat back once again and allowed you to finish the wrap. “All done. You know the treatment plan; be careful, ice it, rest often. Let me know if it keeps bothering you.”

Suna stood up, testing the wrap. “Thank you, y/n. It feels better already.”

You gave him a small smile. “You’re welcome, Suna.”

He walked towards the door, but stopped before opening it. “You know, I was serious about my offer the other day,” he turned to face you, “If you’re free tonight, we should grab drinks.”

You carefully considered his offer. You did miss having Suna around, and it couldn’t hurt to reconnect. There didn’t have to be anything romantic about it, you could just get a friend back. On the other hand, the last time you drank with Suna, you ended up in his bed. However, if you exercised a little self-control, you were sure it would be fine.

“I’m free tonight.”

He smiled. “Great. Send me your address, I’ll pick you up at eight.”

You watched the door shut behind him as he left. This was either going to be the best or worst decision you ever made.

---

It was the worst decision. It was 7:30, and you still hadn’t figured out what to wear. What were you supposed to wear when you went to a bar with your ex-boyfriend turned (maybe?) friend, who you accidentally slept with last week? You texted Yachi, but you knew Friday nights were her date nights with her girlfriend, Kiyoko. Still, you prayed that she would answer and prayed even more that Kiyoko was with her. Kiyoko always knew what to wear.

Your prayers were answered when you received a text approving an outfit you had sent only a few minutes ago. Thank God for Yachi and her friendship. You quickly redressed and finished your makeup before the doorbell rang. You threw on a pair of heels and opened the door to find Suna on the other side, a shy smile on his face.

“Hey, y/n. You look really nice.”

You grinned at him as you shut your door and locked it. “You do too.” It wasn’t a lie; Suna looked amazing. You had forgotten how well he dressed, as you were always seeing him in practice clothes. He wore slim-fit gray jeans with a loose black button-up. You could see a gold chain peeking out from where the top was unbuttoned, and if you weren’t so dedicated to not sleeping with him again, you would have jumped him right there in the hallway.

You walked side by side to the same bar you had met in last week (although you didn’t mention this), catching up with each other. He talked about his experience on his pro team and how he felt when he received the letter from the National Team, while you told him about your college experience and moving to Tokyo by yourself. It felt nice, normal even, to be able to simply talk with Suna. It was something neither of you were very good at when you were together, and it was refreshing to know that the two of you could simply chat with one another now.

The two of you sat at the bar near the dance floor when you arrived. You sipped on a martini and listened to Suna talk about everything that you had missed in the eight years you had been apart. You had expected your conversations to be awkward, but they flowed naturally and never stopped. Before you knew it, you were on your fourth drink and all of your self-control had been thrown out the window.

“C’mon, Suna, I wanna dance.” You grabbed his wrist in an effort to pull him off of his barstool and onto the dance floor with you.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, y/n? You’ve had quite a bit to drink.”

“Of course I’m sure!”

Suna began to stand. “Okay, I just don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret.”

You turned to look back up at him. “How could I regret any of this?”

He looked shocked at your words, but before he could formulate a response, you were pulling him to the center of the dance floor and reaching for a shot from one of the waitresses.

“Drink with me, Sunarin!” You didn’t know what switch had flipped in your brain (yes you did, it was the alcohol), but suddenly, all you wanted was for Suna to get drunk and ignore the rest of the world with you. He obliged you and took a shot, not even grimacing at the taste of straight liquor.

You began to jump around in time to the pulsing beat, Suna watching you, but not dancing. You allowed him to simply watch with dark eyes until you were both on your third shot, and then you had enough.

“Sunarin, I wanna dance with you.” You gave him your best puppy dog eyes, even sticking your bottom lip out for good measure. Drunk you had no shame, whatsoever. He seemed hesitant, but you grabbed his hands and placed them on your hips, pushing your chest flush with his. You wrapped your hands around the back of his neck and played with the ends of his hair.

“I missed you.” The words fell unbidden from your lips, and although there was some part of your brain that told you that you were making a big mistake, you ignored it and listened to your heart. “I really missed you, Sunarin.”

You looked up at Suna through your eyelashes and felt his breath catch. “You don’t call me Rintarou anymore.” His eyes were filled with longing and sadness, and you looked away so that you wouldn’t drown in them.

“Formalities, I guess.” The emotion in his eyes disappeared and he hummed, grabbing both of you another shot. After setting the glasses down, his hands found their way back to your hips. You didn’t want his eyes to look blank like this, but you didn’t like the sadness either. You wanted Suna to be happy, you wanted him to want you. So you threw all caution to the wind.

You pulled his head down towards you until your lips were only centimeters apart and whispered to him.

“I want you, Rintarou.”

He pressed his lips to yours in a scorching kiss while pulling your hips closer. You grinded on him to the beat of the song while trying to keep up with his passionate kisses. It was a mix of tongue and teeth, full of enough longing to make up for the eight years you had been separated.

He began to kiss down your neck, pausing long enough at your ear to whisper a proposition.

“D’ya wanna go back to my place?”

You considered it for a millisecond. You knew, in the back of your mind, that this was exactly what you were scared was going to happen. You also knew that you wanted this more than anything else.

You nodded your head, and Suna entwined his hand with yours and pulled you out onto the streets of Tokyo.

taglist: @sunasexual @call-me-lulu @ntimacy @circleglasses @porcolie @keikotaro

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

Amoreena | chapter thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: fluff like unbelievably fluffy!

word count: 6.1

here's the playlist for the fic, the last song in the playlist if looped will lead right into Amoreena at the beginning and it works pretty well timing-wise if you like to listen while you read !!

from the beginning <3

All their bags were packed by Friday morning, Y/N and Amoreena waking up extra early with excitement for the weekend ahead of them, and they didn’t even know what was going to happen yet.

Y/N made sure everything was packed and ready for a 3rd time on Saturday morning, right before they left on the trip; making sure they had sunscreen and aloe vera, all her medicine and ginger ale by the pack for her random bouts of morning sickness that lasted all, day, long... And their dresses and his suit hanging behind the driver's seat, beside Amoreena, they all piled into Y/N’s car and took off down the road on their adventure.

Amoreena was awake for the first half of the 9-hour trip, singing like crazy as they drove through Washington, Baltimore, Philadelphia and New York, it was so amazing she couldn’t stop cheering the whole time. It was more than she’s ever seen before, even though they lived so close to New York, she’s never been through it before.

Once they arrived in Rhode Island, Spencer pulled over at the closest gas station to make sure the girls were all prepared and ready for the big surprise he had for them. They filled the car, used the restroom and bought some lemonade before getting back into the car, he turned in the driver's seat to see Amoreena and Y/N better, looking at their wide eyes memorizing the calmness in their faces before he told them.

He didn’t want them to freak out too much, he was worried about Y/N’s blood pressure and how loud she might scream and any stress that a situation like this could put on her body. He’s seen how people react to Taylor Swift, he just didn’t know how they would.

“Now, I'm only telling you so you don't freak out," he repeated the same worry she had when she broke the news of the baby, "I didn’t have to rent a place on the water because my friend lives up here, so we’re going to stay in her guest house,” he explained it simply.

“Rossi's wife?” Y/N asked, confused about who it could be and if she knew this woman yet.

“No, actually I think you might know her, her name is Taylor?”

“No,” she shakes her head furiously, “no, nope, there's no way you did this, Spencer Walter Reid I am not kidding I’m going to pass away if I see her.” She's holding both her hands in fists as she tries to stay calm, closing her eyes quickly before letting out a deep sigh.

“Taylor who?” Amoreena yells, undoing her seatbelt and standing between their seats, she almost jumps into his lap as she leans over and grabs a fistful of his shirt, “Taylor WHO?”

“Go get in your seat and I’ll show you,” he teases, watching her follow orders and get back in the seat as quickly as possible, shouting at him to drive the second he hears the seatbelt click again.

Y/N is completely speechless for the next 20 minutes of the drive, eyes wide and a hand on her stomach as she stares out the front window. She’s like a statue, not able to hear anything Amoreena is saying but that doesn't stop her from going on and on with her stories.

“Mom!” She’s finally able to break her out of the haze, “pass me your phone!”

“Yeah,” she doesn’t even question it, handing her the phone back to the antsy 7-year-old so she could continue her internal panic.

They see her house on the hill as they approach, “holy shit,” Y/N whispers as Amoreena turns on the last great American dynasty, knowing exactly where they were going.

Taylor asked for his licence plate number and car model when they were emailing, letting her gate guy know to let Spencer right in so he could keep it a secret. But they knew the house, there was no point in not telling them. Y/N looked a little relieved that he gave her the time to freak out alone and not as soon as they crested the hill.

Her driveway felt never-ending as they got closer and closer, Amoreena was still in disbelief as she squealed in the back seat, hands flailing as she tried to calm the excitement inside her body with her favourite stim.

Then Taylor walked out into the front yard and Y/N was a mess. Crying as she waved her hand in front of her face, not wanting to be a mess in front of Taylor fucking Swift, “I told you nothing crazy! How did you do this?”

“Yes, but I said 'define crazy’ and you didn’t,” he reminds her with a cheeky smile.

She shoves him, “I didn’t think you could do this?!”

Once they’re parked the door automatically unlocked, and as much as spencer hated that non-safety feature, he's glad Amoreena can get out quickly before she's screaming bloody murder. Amoreena is out the door and in Taylor’s arms faster than they’ve ever seen her move, she should be a track star. It almost knocks Taylor to the ground as she takes her in, holding the sweet little girl against her chest with the biggest smile on her face. Amoreena snuggles right into her, with a hand on her cheek and her other arm wrapped behind her neck. She couldn't be any closer to her, it was like she was her favourite relative who she hasn't seen in a while.

Amoreena is talking her ear off already by the time Spencer’s helping Y/N out of the car and walking her to Taylor, she’s holding his hand like she’s going to pass out or something, “and this is my mom Y/N and my dad Spencer but somehow you know him already,” Amoreena introduces her.

“Hi, Y/N, it's a pleasure to meet you, Spencer's told me a lot about you.” Taylor’s sweet voice saying her name alone makes her stutter out a bunch of nonsense, not to mention the fact Spencer's been talking to Taylor fucking Swift about her.

Amoreena moves out of the way for Taylor to wrap her up in a hug, and Y/N cries harder than he’s ever seen on her shoulder, “thank you,” is all she can say, it’s frightening to Amoreena at first to see her mom cry like that but she knows her mom just loves Taylor like family.

What she doesn’t know is just how much Taylor saved her life. If she didn’t have someone to listen to, someone to take the pain and replace it with hope, she wouldn’t be here and by default neither would Amoreena. Spencer owed everything to Taylor swift at this point, she was a blessing in his life that he took for granted. Not realizing until that moment just how much she meant to him as well now.

“Sorry,” Y/N finally says as she pulls off her, “I’m pregnant, I can’t help it.”

Taylor’s hands fly right to her stomach, “holy crap, you never told me that she’s pregnant in your emails, oh my god!” She’s genuinely so happy for them, “how far along are you?”

“6 weeks on Sunday,” she smiles, feeling like herself again even though it’s incredibly strange to be telling Taylor before her parents even knew. “No one really knows, it’s all very new but when you know, you know… y’know?”

For a woman with an English language degree, she sure knew how to make a sentence, all of them laughing at the words she chose, but they understood.

“We should have used paper rings!” Amoreena yells, holding her hand over her eyes in disbelief as she shares her head with a sigh, she couldn’t believe she forgot that song existed.

It made Taylor laugh, scooping the little one up in her arms and starting the walk inside.

“Well come on in, I’ve got a big lunch spread ready for us and then we can go to the beach for the ceremony whenever you want this weekend, does that sound good?” Taylor is beyond excited to make new friends, much like Amoreena, they got along famously.

“Where are the cats? Do they live here or in LA or Nashville?” Amoreena changed the topic in the form of a yes and proving just how much she knew about Taylor.

“They’re here, Olivia and Benjamin will probably find us soon, Meredith isn’t very open to new friends now that she’s an old lady,” Taylor explained as she set Amoreena down in the entryway, bending down to be at her level and pointing off into the living room, “oh, see, there one is!”

Amoreena saw one of them laying on the floor under a sunny spot, running to it and petting it gently, “hi Benjamin, I loved you in the ME video,” she whispers as she pets him, making Taylor swoon.

“She’s amazing,” Taylor swooned, “I can’t wait to have one.”

“You should!” Y/N agreed, reaching to take Taylor's hand on impulse, and Taylor held it back with a smile, “oh that would be so wonderful, I can just imagine the beautiful stories you’ll create when you discover what it’s like to love someone how your mom loves you.”

Taylor’s smile was priceless, "that's the best way to think about it," she beamed at Y/N the way Spencer did, she had that effect on people. They followed her into the dining room, taking a seat near each other and digging into all the food Taylor made for them.

“Ah,” Amoreena said as she finally joined them, sitting on her knees on Taylors nice antique chairs. “Shark coochie,” she whispers the words to herself, not able to stop her mind from repeating it, but still not wanting Taylor to hear it in case it was inappropriate. She was incredibly well-mannered for someone who had a hard time reading social queues.

“It’s a hard word to say,” Taylor agreed, making her feel less awkward. Spencer may have told her about her autism in advance, wanting his little girl to be respected by everyone she met, for who she truly was, “my mom called it a coochie spread once, actually, she's going to be over tomorrow for father's day.”

"Yes! Oh, I love Andrea," Amoreena laughed at how cool this day was, smiling at Taylor the way she smiled at him that first morning at breakfast like she just found yet another person to love. “You’re so wonderful, Taylor.”

“Oh, thank you, you're pretty enchanting yourself,” she smiles, “I take it you’ve known about me for your whole life?”

“Yep,” she smiled, reaching for a chocolate-covered strawberry and taking a huge bite, covering her mouth before she continued, “I was born a month after Red came out, November thirteenth, it really is a lucky number now, mom says so at least.”

“It is!” Taylor agreed with a smile, “I have some markers, do you want to wear matching 13’s today?”

“Mom, can I colour on my hand?” She turns so fast Spencer thinks she’ll get whiplash.

“Yeah, go for it!” She agrees, spreading cream cheese on a croissant and layering tomatoes on top, definitely pregnant.

So Taylor gets a marker and both their left hands now have matching numbers. Amoreena asks to take a million photos, eventually just taking Y/N’s phone from her, permanently, to take photos of all her favourite things around the house.

She runs off with the cats at a certain point, giving Y/N a chance to thank Taylor without tiny ears listening in. “Can I get really emotional and tell you how much you mean to me or is that too weird for our first chat?”

“Not weird at all, knowing you’ve used my music to raise that beautiful child makes me love you just as much, I’d love to hear why you picked me, of all musicians, to show her how to love,” Taylor replies, as regal and kindly as humanly possible.

“My first fiancé, Stephen, he was actually like an angel and our first kiss was quite literally in the rain, but he passed away in 2010,” she explained it with a smile so Taylor knew it wasn’t a touchy subject anymore, “I bonded with Fearless in a way I can’t even describe to you, it’s my life, he was my superstar, and white horse, I mean come on, I can’t tell you how many times I cried to that after he died but it helped me not feel alone. I wouldn’t be who I am without Fearless, and then Speak Now was there for me when I needed a good cry, Last Kiss really broke me but it wasn’t until Lover came out that I realized I could find someone again, and it’s always just like you released things as I needed them like you were helping me through all the bad things,” she’s never even told Spencer all this, it was special to him that he got to give her this moment.

“When you re-released it with the vault songs, I met Spencer literally a month later. I cried my eyes out to you all over me, but That’s When makes me think of Spencer and now the whole album has a new memory in my heart that’s better. It's just like why you re-released it, to replace the bad things that happened that took all the happiness out of something you cared so much about." Y/N took a second to breathe, shaky as she got to the end of her rant that she seemed to have prepared in the 20 minutes before she had to talk to her.

"I love you, honestly. You’re my best friend and you didn’t even know me then, but you’ve held my hand through it all, so thank you,” she cried a little, holding her belly with one hand as she tried to hold the tears in.

Taylor was out of her chair and in Y/N’s arms within seconds, crying into her arms as she held her. She rubbed Y/N’s back as she cried too, “I’m so sorry that happened, but I’m glad I could be there.”

“Do you want to be this baby's godmother?” She asks on impulse without even asking Spencer if he’s okay with it, he was, it made him laugh.

“Eleonora Taylor Reid,” Spencer says from across the table, making them both turn to him with wide eyes.

“Yes,” Y/N agrees fast, “that's the name if it’s a girl, if it’s a boy he can be Taylor as well?”

“Holy shit,” Taylor smiled wide, “yes, I want to come to visit the farm and buy them baby gifts and throw you a baby shower! I inadvertently helped make them so it’s only fair.”

“Hopefully she gets your voice too, Y/N,” Spencer adds and Y/N shoots him a panicked glance, “it’s the Taylor legacy to be a good singer.”

“You can sing?” The question Y/N feared coming past Taylor's lovely vocal cords, almost on queue.

Y/N can't help but glare at spencer, he had too many tricks up his sleeve and she was at her limit.

“Yes,” Y/N finally answers, “I was going to go to theatre school, but I switched to become a Librarian, I’m not good with crowds or competition and that's basically what the industry depends on. I like the quiet, telling stories on paper is just as easy as singing it to a crowd.”

“That's fair,” Taylor agreed, “would you and Amoreena like to sing some song with me? I have my guitar or the piano? I’m not used to having new friends over without sharing at least 1 song with them. I’m sure you’ve seen my listening parties?” She was really trying to convince her to sing, Spencer knew why and what she had planned.

Amoreena came running in then, “I can play piano too, can we do the long live new year's day from the tour movie?” She rests her hands on Taylor's arm, looking up at her with the biggest puppy dog eyes.

“Of course, come on,” she says taking Amoreena’s hand and rushing into the piano room. “Here, we’ll record it too,” she offered, setting her phone up on the music stand to capture the moment forever.

They sat side by side on the bench, Amoreena showing her how she could play the opening perfectly and surprising Spencer. He knew they had a piano at home, he’s just never seen her play it before.

“She has perfect pitch,” Y/N bragged, “she can play a song after hearing it once.”

“Really?” Spencer had no idea, unbelievably proud of her as he listened to her play.

She’s quietly playing the intro to Long Live as Taylor watches, joining in with the harmony of New Year's Day, “this one reminds me of my mom and dad.”

“Does it?” Taylor coo’s, smiling at her softly as Y/N tries not to cry beside Spencer.

“They’re the knight and the princess of our kingdom,” she explained before the two of them started singing the words together, like they always have, only Taylor was beside her and not just on the TV.

“I said remember this moment, in the back of my mind, the time we stood with our shaking hands, the crowds in the stands went wild,” Amoreena’s tiny voice lead-in, fearlessly as she played away.

“We were the Kings and the Queens, and they read off our names, the night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same... You held your head like a hero, on a history book page... It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age,” Spencer couldn’t help but cry as she sang with Taylor.

This was on the concert movie, he showed her after school, this song came on and she was silent, listening to the words as she stared at him and then back at the TV. Her mind was connecting little dots, making a story about her mom and dad being the king and the queen, it all made sense now.

“Long live the walls we crashed through, how the kingdom lights shined just for me and you, I was screaming long live, all the magic we made and bring on all the pretenders, I’m not afraid,

Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life, fighting dragons with you, I was screaming long live, that look on your face, and bring on all the pretenders, one day, we will be remembered,”

Their fingers moved in sync on the keys as they harmonized almost perfectly, she wasn’t kidding about Amoreena having perfect pitch. She knew all the words and sang them almost louder than Taylor.

“And hold on to spinning around, confetti, falls to the ground. May these memories break our fall…”

The piano changes, the cords softer as they move into a new song, smiling at her mom and dad like she knew something. She had no idea what happened the night of the fake wedding, just that they had a party without her.

“And hold on… To spinning around… Confetti… Falls to the ground…”

Spencer wraps his arms around Y/N then, resting his chin on her shoulder as they sway to the tune, she’s barely whispering the words beside him as she smiles as her baby.

“There's glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby, candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor, you and me from the night before, but… Don’t read the last page, but I stay when you're lost, and I'm scared and you're turning away. I want, your midnights, I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day,”

Y/N’s hands rest on top of Spencer’s, she squeezes them three times, right before the next lyric.

“You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi, I can tell that it's gonna be a long road. I’ll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe, or if you strike out and you're crawling home,

Don't read the last page, but I stay, when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes. I want, your midnights, but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day,”

“Hold on, to the memories, they will hold on to you,” the two of them chanting along with Taylor in beautiful harmony, Spencer felt like he was in heaven among the angels, but for real this time. “And I will hold on to you…”

The piano is so soft, it’s just Amoreena’s fingers hitting them as Taylor goes silent, letting her take the lead with a soft smile, “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh, I, could recognize anywhere. Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh, I, could recognize anywhere.”

They stop for just a moment for Amoreena to smile up at Taylor, just like the break in the concert, “I really do love you,” she reminds them all before playing again.

“We love you, too, sweet girl,” Taylor replies for them using the same nickname for her because it was the truth. She was the sweetest girl, that Amoreena.

“There's glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby, candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor. You and me forevermore, don't read the last page, but I stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes and I want, your midnights, but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day,”

“Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you,” the girls all chant together, swaying back and forth to the rhythm before taking different parts in the song like they’ve planned it before.

“And Long live,” Taylor takes the one song, while Amoreena takes the other.

Please don't ever become a stranger…

The walls we crashed through..

Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere…

I had the time of my life

Please don't ever become a stranger…

With you…

Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere…"

Amoreena plays the rest, smiling wide at the best day of her life. Meaning every single word she’s saying. “And Long live, the walls we crashed through. I had the time of my life… With you…” Amoreena ends with a few extra notes, making Taylor smile as she held her in a side hug.

She turns back to the piano then, starting to play Amoreena by Elton John. “No way..” Y/N gasps, before getting ready to sing along with all the confidence in the world, alongside Taylor Swift of all people.

“It’s just that; Lately, I've been thinking, how much I miss my lady, Amoreena's in the hayfield, brightening the daybreak,” Taylor changes some of the words, much to Y/N surprise.

“Livin’ like a lusty flower, runnin’ through the grass for hours, rollin’ through the hay, oooh, like a puppy child! And when it rains, the rain falls down… washing out the cattle town… and she's far away somewhere… in her eiderdown… And she dreams of crystal streams, of days gone by when we would lean… Laughing, fit to burst, upon each other…”

Y/N turns to Spencer then, singing to him softly as she wraps her arms around him and sways her hips to the song, pressing against him like they were in the movie Dirty Dancing, something she’s always wanted to do, clearly, with the smile on her face as she sings.

“I can see you sittin’, eatin’, apples in the evenin’. Fruit juice, flowing slowly, slowly, slowly down the bronze of your body. Livin’, like a lusty flower, runnin’ through the grass for hours, rollin’ through the hay, oooh, like a puppy child.”

Amoreena’s voice was the loudest in the chorus, this was her song after all. She belted it out like it was made for her.

“And when it rains, the rain falls down! Washing out the cattle town! And she's far away somewhere… in her eiderdown! And she dreams of crystal streams, of days gone by! When we would lean, laughing, fit to burst upon each other…”

Spencer knew the words as well, who didn’t? It was Elton John's best song. He hugged Y/N, snuggling into the crook of her neck as they twirled in Taylor Swift's living room, swaying with her, forgetting they weren’t alone for a moment.

“Oh, if only I could nestle, in the cradle of your cabin. My arm's around your shoulder, oh… The window wide and open, while the swallow and the sycamore, whoa! Are playing in the valley. Oh, I miss you, Amoreena, like the king bee misses honey!”

“And when it rains, the rain falls down! Washing out the cattle town! and she's far away somewhere… in her eiderdown! And she dreams of crystal streams, of days gone by when we would lean! Laughing, fit to burst upon each other, oooh!”

Amoreena and Taylor playing the iconic piano solo together, Y/N can’t help but move in closer to watch over her little girls shoulders.

“Lately, I've been thinking… How much I miss my lady… Amoreena's in a cornfield, brightening the daybreak. Livin’, like a lusty flower! Runnin; through the grass for hours! Rollin’ through the hay, woah! Like a puppy, like a puppy, child…” Y/N’s voice loud enough to be on the recording Taylor was making as the song ended.

Taylor stopped it then, just as Y/N swore, “holy shit, that was the coolest thing that’s ever happened in my whole life.”

“Mom,” Amoreena looked at her like she broke the law or something, “you don’t swear in front of her…” she mumbled.

Taylor laughed, wrapping her up in another hug, “have you heard champagne problems? It’s okay for big kids to swear here,” she teased her.

They laughed like they were family like they’ve been there before and were always meant to return. Something just clicked with them, and without a doubt, they’d be returning. Taylor Swift of all people slipped right into their little life, filling the shoes of big sister, best friend and coolest aunt in the world all in one day.

It was the most perfect afternoon.

—

Just before the sunset, they all changed into their wedding attire. Meeting out on the beach for their small, extremely intimate wedding ceremony with miss Taylor Swift. Getting it out of the way so they could have the whole weekend for whatever Taylor had planned for them. She said she had a few surprises up her sleeve still.

They filled out all the paperwork required on Taylor's kitchen table beforehand, she had all the right documents from when she registered to ordain online. All they had to do was submit it at town hall and they’d be legally married.

But it didn’t matter to them, this was enough.

Taylor and Amoreena stood side by side at a homemade arch on the beachfront that Taylor owned, waiting patiently for Spencer and Y/N to walk down the fake aisle, hand in hand. They couldn’t stop smiling as they saw Amoreena at the end, a big smile on her face as she bounced with excitement.

They reached the end, turning to each other, Amoreena took Y/N’s bouquet, it was her duty as maid of honour and best man.

“Spencer and I have been emailing for 2 weeks about today, he’s been filling me in little by little about you both as he got to know you, I’ve really gotten to see his love for you in the form of letters,” Taylor described with a large smile on her face.

Y/N looks at him with an open mouth, shocked as she shakes her head in disbelief at him. “You’re kidding, is she who emailed you when we had lunch 2 weeks ago?”

Spencer nodded with another cheeky smile, “she emailed me as you told me not to plan anything too crazy.”

Y/N just laughed at the insanity, “sorry Taylor, please continue.”

“It’s okay,” she laughed along, “it’s actually kind of interesting how Amoreena picked long live and New Year’s Day to sing because from what I’ve learned about you both, the intermission poem from that tour really was written for you, somehow. Almost like by design or some violent, exquisite happenstance…”

Y/n’s eyed do that thing they always do when she’s remembering something she’s heard before, finding the exact filing cabinet in her mind and opening it. She finds the words.

“When she fell, she fell apart. Cracked her bones on the pavement she once decorated as a child with sidewalk chalk,” she starts the poem with a small nod, letting Taylor continue the monologue in the form of vows.

“When’s she crashed, her clothes disintegrated. And blew away with the winds that took all of her fair-weather friends, family and lovers. When she looked around her skin was spattered with ink. Forming the words of a thousand voices, echoes she heard even in her sleep: whatever you say, it is not right. Whatever you do, it is not enough. Your kindness is fake. Your pain is manipulative.”

Y/N hasn’t watched the concert recently, unlike Spencer. She didn’t realize how much it sounded like them. Spencer, however, spotted the coincidences the second he heard it that night with Amoreena. Telling Taylor, explaining in detail how Maeve and Stephen were their personal last kiss storylines, but they’ve found a lover in each other. Cheesy, but it was the best way he could describe it.

“When she lay there on the ground she dreamed of time machines and revenge. And a love that was really something. Not just the idea of something.”

She turned her attention to Spencer, replacing the pronouns to fit him for the next part, Y/N looked at him already knowing why, smiling as she made the connection in her mind.

“When he finally rose, he rose slowly. Avoiding old haunts and sidestepping shiny pennies. Wary of phone calls and promises, charmers, dandies and get-love-quick-schemes.

When he stood, he stood with a desolate knowingness, waded out into the dark wild oceans up to his neck. Bathed in his brokenness. Said a prayer of gratitude, for each chink in the armour he never knew he needed.

Standing broad-shouldered next to him, was a love that was really something. Not just the idea of something.

When they turned to go home, they heard echoes of new words: may your heart remain breakable but never by the same hand twice. And even louder: without your past, you could never have arrived so wondrously and brutally, by design or some violent, exquisite happenstance… here.”

“What she said,” Y/N says with a quick giggle, leaning in as she laughs, taking him down in a giggle fit with her.

Amoreena’s lightly tugging on Taylor’s dress then, “you have to say it, please you can’t not say it, I had this planned out before I even knew you’d beee here…” she whispers like Taylor has any clue what she’s talking about.

Y/N just starts to shake her head with a smile, “I think she means the speak now bridge,” she reminds her.

“Ahh,” she smiles, picking Amoreena up to be at eye level with them all, she sings. “I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold, your, pee-E-eeace,” she sings it exactly like it is on the album, almost as if she’s been practicing to release it again…

“There’s the silence there’s my last chance, I stand up with shaking hands all eyes, on me,” Amoreena lightly signs right back. “Horrified looks from everyone in the room but I’m only looking at you!”

Spencer laughs then too, smiling at his little girl living out the fantasy of a lifetime, seeing her mom dressed like a princess and marrying the broken knight with rusty armour, while Taylor Swift of all people holds her. Nothing about the life they had together felt real, but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

“I think it’s only fair if I get a say in who marries my mom because I’ve known her the longest,” she adds, “and I’m not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on this white veil occasion, but you happen to be the best dad in the whole world, so I think it’s cool that you love my mom.”

Y/N lets out a choked sob, she clearly had no idea that Amoreena was planning to say all that, but of course, she was. She knew all about every single Disney princess wedding, every fairytale ending and happily ever after, Taylor has helped her learn about love and vows and true feelings that cannot be stopped.

She knew what to say and she meant every word.

Spencer reaches out to take Amoreena from Taylor, holding her in his arms instead as Y/N snuggled in close to them, both his girls in his arms.

“I think it’s only fair I give some vows to you as well, I’m committing my whole life to this family, you should know how much that means I love you, too, Amoreena.” She snuggles in closer to his neck as she holds him back, Y/N’s head resting on his other shoulder.

“Till the day I die, I am going to be here for you: with unconditional love, with the best stories and the best morning cuddles. I don’t care if you pull me out of bed at 5 in the morning to feed the goats, or the chickens or just because you think the sun looks pretty and want me to see it too. I love you Amoreena, you’ve completed my life."

"Do you remember that day you asked me to be your dad?” his voice is so soft as he bumps her cheek with his nose.

She wipes her tears as she pulls away from his shoulder, overly emotional at the events of the day and extremely tired from the excitement she let out earlier. She nods softly, “I meant it.”

“I know honey,” he can’t help but start to cry a little as well, dropping his manly facade and being real with her. She deserved to see exactly what she meant to him, “I watched you pouring glitter glue all over that table, making the biggest mess ever, but it made me think… I had a hole in my heart for so many years, there was a part of me missing for so, so, so long, and then I found a little Eden by beautiful little kingdom, and the fairest lady in all the land took me in, and she patched up my broken heart with glitter glue.”

Amoreena tried to smile the tears away, sniffling as she tried to nod, “that's how I felt when you told me I could pick you to be my dad.”

Y/N was a sobbing mess, having to crouch down to her knees as she let it all out, steadying herself by holding onto Spencer’s leg like a child would at that height, “is she okay?” Amoreena worried.

“Your mom loves us so much, and the baby does too, so it’s making her a bit more emotional than normal,” he explains, wishing he could scoop Y/N up and hold her as well.

She wipes the tears from her face as she calms herself down and stands back up with help from Taylor, “thank you,” she manages to whisper to her with a smile.

She’s also been crying, watching the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. A family built on true love coming together, using her songs to form a bond that she’d never understand.

And she didn’t want to, some stories were best kept in families, to be sent down the line, generation after generation, to fall into the lap of someone like her one day and create a whole world with it.

“With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband, wife and daughter, the royal Reid family,” Taylor’s voice is soft as she plays along with Amoreena’s fantasy land, hushed to match the moment as Spencer leaned in to kiss Y/N.

Amoreena doesn’t cry out in disgust this time, instead, resting her head on her dad's shoulder as she watched them peck each other's lips gently. Watching a fairytale happy ending unfold in front of her very eyes, blessed to be the result of this happy union.

...

A/N: my anon is on now if anyone wants to come talk about the fic with me!! i love to share little hc's and things with you over here (also this was the original planned ending I wasn't going to continue past here but I'm probably going to write this for the next 10 years its too fun not to)

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #amoreena

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success-and-corruption · 3 years

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Macabre Album Review

DEG's second album! Oh yeah!

Track 1: Deity

This first track is definitely very interesting. It starts with a sleigh bell and then quickly turns into ominous chanting of some sort. Very spooky but also very different from their previous work which shows how versatile these five musicians are. The chanting eventually stops and we're met with heavy guitars and bass with Shinya playing a steady beat and Kyo vocalizing with a woman’s voice eerily making sounds. It sounds like he's gasping for breath (see what I did there)? That section ends and a clean guitar is played for a few seconds before the song goes back to the heavy riff after the chanting but this time Kyo sings in Russian to the tune of Johannes Brahms' "Fifth Hungarian Dance." This song definitely feels very religious to me which I suppose fits because the case for Macabre has prayer (?) beads in it.

I think Deity showcases DEG’s experimental side and sets the foundation for the rest of the album and it shows that DEG took a very different turn and became a bit darker.

Track 2: Myaku

Is this track in 3/4? 4/4? 5/4? 6/4?

Yes to all of the above. In the booklet it's indicated that this song was written by DIR EN GREY so no individual member wrote it specifically but the band definitely had some fun with time signatures in this one. Myaku was released as a single which is a bit different from the album version but I'm not reviewing the single. This song definitely departs from their late 90s VK sound which in my opinion is a good thing as it showed that DEG wanted to become more serious musicians. Plus, this track has one of my favorite basslines but I never got around to learning how to play it. Myaku is a chaotic song but it fits very well with Macabre.

Track 3: Wake/Riyuu

My boy Die does it again. This song is one of my favorites on the album and despite it being written by a guitarist, Toshiya’s bass really drives this track but we can’t forget the soaring guitars in the beginning and in the chorus. Kyo’s vocals are also great. Fantastic rhythm, instruments that all work very well together, and Kyo’s clean vocals? What’s not to like? This song really gets me moving for some reason. Not nearly as chaotic as Myaku, but Wake/Riyuu provides a nice structure and a consistent time signature (4/4) which is good contrast in my opinion.

Track 4: Egnirys Cimredopyh +) An Injection

Everyone probably knows this by now by Egnirys Cimredopyh = hypodermic syringe backwards. Despite that, this song isn’t about intravenous drug use. Kyo references a “white powder” a lot in this song and in one part of the song he sings “I started to speak to the wall with my lower half” (of course he sings that in Japanese) so I think this song is about abusing a drug called kakuseizai and... ejaculating onto a wall? To my knowledge cocaine isn’t very popular in Japan and kakuseizai (roughly translated to “stimulant” in English) is a type of methamphetamine that is used to improve pleasure during sex. Anyway as the lyrics progress it’s clear that the person in the song is battling between his good and bad side. They’re aware that their drug use is stripping them of their sanity but can’t stop and eventually gives in and “kills” the good side. In regards to the musicality of the song, again I really like the bassline (probably because I play bass) but the solos in the song, both bass and guitar, are seriously lacking in substance for me. However the rest of the song is fun to move around to i.e. it has a nice rhythm.

Track 5: Hydra

“I wanna be an anarchist”

“Dead born”

“Sid Vicious, suspicious”

What are those lyrics??? This song is another experimental one with electronic sounds throughout. It’s also fast-paced and has another chant near the end of the song that breaks it up nicely. Lyrically there’s not much I have to say but this song is definitely one of DEG’s most interesting sounding. I’m sorry that I don’t have more to say.

Track 6: Hotarubi

Hotarubi... what a beautiful song. It was very clearly written by Shinya. This track is, in my opinion, one of DEG’s best ballads but I think it goes on for too long but that’s just a very minor complaint. The strings complement the rest of the instruments and the part from 2:40-3:42 is stunning, with a surprising violin solo and a woman breathily vocalizing. Everything in this song works so well together except for the loud buzzing halfway through and Hotarubi never fails to evoke an emotional response within me. If it weren’t too long for my liking I would listen to it on repeat. At a certain point I just get bored. Also I think this song would be better suited towards the end of the album where the songs become more melodic.

Track 7: 【KR】cube

I’m not sure what【KR】cube means but what a fun song. Toshiya starts it out with that funky bass that we all know and love and then it transforms into a fast-paced song with a very nice rhythm on the guitars and Kyo’s clean vocals come in which is always nice to hear. I like the speed and rhythm of this song as it offers a pleasant difference from Hotarubi which is a very slow song. The chorus is very catchy as well

Kururi, furari, fuwari, kurari

Kururi, furari, fuwari, kurakurari

and so on. The music video is fun for this one. We love Hitman Die.

Track 8: Berry

This song is easy to figure out from the beginning dialogue of an English girl apologizing but then promising to blow her parents’ head off like raspberry jam (spoiler: she does at the end of the song). This one has more of a punk vibe and it’s kind of a fun song. What I can say is that I’ve never heard a song that features parents yelling at a child as part of a breakdown. It’s a good song but in my opinion it doesn’t really fit with the Macabre sound.

Track 9: Macabre -Sanagi no Yume wa Ageha no Hane-

WOW what a song this is. I believe that this eleven minute prog rock masterpiece was the first song I learned on the bass (go big or go home). I love Shinya’s drums in the beginning and as soon as the other instruments come in you just know you’re in for a journey. This song has a great composition with all of the instruments and vocal layers but I suppose I should get into the specifics. The beginning (after the drums) starts with guitars that, in my opinion, portray a certain sadness while the bass drives the the song. Kyo’s voice is great in this one and also portrays that same sadness. After the first two verses clean guitars come in which is a nice contrast from the beginning but this song truly comes alive during the instrumental breakdown where there’s a guitar playing a repeating riff while insects buzz and a church organ plays in the background. It then switches to Kaoru and Die playing the same notes but alternating between electric and acoustic guitars. The breakdown ends with a very beautiful solo and Kyo singing in a higher register and making slurping sounds which makes sense if you follow the lyrics. There’s a bass solo which is always nice to hear.

I think I’ve written too much about this song so I’m going to go on to...

Track 10: Audrey

What exactly were they trying to accomplish here? Country rock? It doesn’t fit with the album and it doesn’t even fit with DEG’s sound in general. I never listen to this song so I don’t have much to say about it.

Track 11: Rasetsukoku

This song fits much better with Macabre, but only marginally. It’s definitely more speed metal which at this point in DEG’s music career hasn’t really done. It’s fun to listen to but the composition is quite simple and it tends to be sort of repetitive. I do like the bass in the beginning but the guitars in this song are kind of boring to me. Maybe I should give it more credit.

Track 12: Zakuro

I have mixed feelings about this song. It’s very emotional but maybe too emotional. It starts out kind of slow but I like Kaoru and Die’s parts in the beginning because they harmonize very well. I think this song has one of the most beautiful guitar solos they’ve ever written and it conveys the sadness that is the central focus of this song. My problem with it (and it’s a minor one) is that it’s definitely better live.

Track 13: Taiyou no Ao

Another favorite on this album. Once again there’s a great bassline and while the song itself sounds sort of like a pop song the lyrics are rather sad. The prominent bass complements the guitars and if Shinya wanted a workout routine he could play this song a few times and he would get pretty buff. Can you imagine a buff Shinya? Neither can I. It just seems like his drums never stop for almost the entire song. It’s a nice way to close the album because it contrasts with the very dark-sounding Deity and it leaves me feeling good, albeit a bit sad because of the lyrics.

So that’s it. Can you tell I got a bit tired near the end? All in all I give this album 7/10. It’s a great album but there are some real duds in my opinion but it’s not my least favorite by any stretch. I’ll be reviewing all ten albums so you’ll find out which one I like the least...

As always feel free to comment your thoughts! I would like to connect with my followers a bit more.

#I have a very important licensing exam coming up #so my thoughts are more focused on academics #dir en grey #Macabre #album review #tw drugs

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blouisparadise · 4 years

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Here are some amazing bottom Louis fics posted or completed during the month of August. We really hope you enjoy this list and that you give these fics a lot of love.

Happy reading!

1) Move Out | Explicit | 1525 words

Harry and Louis are moving in together, so they might as well make the most of Harry's apartment.

2) Take Off Your Business Suit | Explicit | 3082 words

“Yes, let me get another chair.” Louis said, leaning up off of the desk. He stood up but before he could leave the office to get another chair, Harry was grabbing his hand.

The words that came out of Harry’s mouth made Louis’ knees weak and heart beat quicken. “Just sit on my lap.” Harry said. Whatever he said afterwards didn’t make it into Louis’ ears as he was moving quickly over to Harry and placing himself on Harry’s lap.Louis would take anything Harry wanted to give him; hand touching, lap sitting, all of it.

Louis hadn't realized he was holding his breath until it came out in a quiet sigh. “Okay so th-this one will be slightly different right?” He asked as he pointed at the sheet of paper in front of him.

3) So Good, It's Making Me Drool | Explicit | 3364 words

He kept his back turned to Harry, whispering the few words he knew that would make Harry go absolutely wild. “If I’m only yours, maybe you should take me to bed and teach me who I belong to.”

4) What I Like | Explicit | 4245 words

Note: This fic has mentions of BH.

Harry gets tired of the "older women" jokes and the incessant teasing from Louis.

5) ll Belong To Your Creation | General Audiences | 4349words

Louis had always thought it was impossible to do so. Thankfully, upon doing research he learned that he still can as long as there are no complications throughout the whole pregnancy. He also stumble upon a birth vlog where a mum was able to give birth naturally even after going through c-section with her first and second pregnancy.

6) An Axolotl and the Fake Date | Explicit | 5976 words

Harry runs a stall at a farmers market every weekend and Louis comes by one day with an odd request.

7) Feels So Right | Explicit | 8804 words

The one where Louis is Troy, Harry is Gabriella, and we find out what really happened after karaoke at that ski resort...

8) Giallo! | Mature | 9776 words

Louis was a mess. A stuttery mess of weak knees and grass stains on his fresh linen clothes, his cheeks blooming a natural pink that matched his sunburnt nose. Upon his return from University, his family abandon the bustling city of London to bask in the comfort of their summer villa. With such a property came maintenance, Louis' father hired a strapping young fellow with tanned skin littered with ink and a charming smile aided by dimples in both his cheeks. Between reading, baking and painting, Louis stares at Harry, he couldn't help it. They grow close under the sun of Greece in 1989.

9) Interlude: One Night in March | Explicit | 10671 words

Note: This is a sequel to this fic.

“Said I would, didn’t I?” Harry let his hands roam over Louis’s bare back, his muscles rippling with that same frenetic energy he always had, swirling just beneath the skin, just beneath Harry’s fingers. “May come a time I’ll have to carry you again.”

Cupping the back of his head and burying his fingers in Louis’s hair, he pulled Louis back into another deep kiss, moaned a bit when Louis squeezed his chest again, harder this time, like he wanted the shirt off. But instead he drew his hand down Harry’s side and tugged at the hem, as though to say best keep this on, before he licked into Harry’s mouth, drew Harry’s tongue out to play only to pull back enough to speak.

“May come a time I’ll actually fucking let you.”

10) Hate To Smoke (Without Me) | Mature | 12164 words

Sleep. Harry just wants one good night of sleep. However, his neighbour has a thing for headboard-banging-against-the-wall-sex every night. After a secret set-up and a bet, Harry may finally get the sleep he so much desires.

11) Call You Mine | Explicit | 12755 words

“I have a request.”

That’s what Louis Tomlinson says to Harry when he opens the front door a bit too aggressively. The latter feels justified after a round of annoyingly incessant knocking that was much too loud in the drowsy sludge of early Saturday morning.

“Zayn’s asleep,” is Harry’s tired, hoarse reply, irritation prickling at his skin. Less than a minute ago he was in bed, feeling perfectly content sprawled out on the mattress with the chilled air from the fan cool against his bare skin. And now he’s leaning up against the wooden door frame in nothing but his briefs because Zayn’s best mate decided that showing up unannounced at seven in the fucking morning was a brilliant idea.

“I’m not here for him,” says Louis curtly.

12) A Vivid And Wistful Melody | Explicit | 13128 words

"Slowly, he takes his violin out of its case, listens for a few more minutes to Louis’ flute, before joining him as best as he could. The flute stops for a few seconds, and Harry imagines Louis blinking cutely, taken aback, before huffing with a smile, and starting to play again, on a suddenly far happier tune. Harry closes his eyes as he twirls around the living room, violin in hand and music filling the air. He pictures Louis doing the same in his own flat while being careful as to not step on his cat.

Somehow, even with heavy eyes and tired limbs, this is the happiest Harry has ever felt in years."

In which they are neighbours stuck at home and they happen to start talking through a wall with a piano, a violin, and a flute. They end up writing the soundtrack of their own love story.

13) Until This Blood Runs Cold | Explicit | 13685 words

In a town as small as Louis’, everybody knows everybody and gossip spreads faster than the wildfires that rage on just outside their backdoors in the sweltering heat of summer. When something happens here everyone knows about it within seconds. Neighbors call neighbors and notes are left on doorsteps, old telephone lines ringing until there isn’t a single person who is left in the unknown.

So it’s definitely hot gossip when a vampire moves in across the street from him, the very same one who’s just become Louis’ boss.

14) A Road To Hope | Explicit | 18280 words

Note: There is no explicit smut but its implied BL.

“We’re far from the people and their issues, don’t hold back. Please.”

It’s true. They are far away from anything that could stop them, the middle of nowhere being the safest place on Earth for them to fall in love. The sacred land where sacred love is created. However, Louis is certain that even if they weren’t safe, he wouldn’t resist the sight of Harry, his pleading eyes, his warm skin beneath his touch.

15) Your Eyes Of Blue, Your Kisses Too | Explicit | 21785 words

When they get out onto the streets away from the crowds Niall turns to walk backwards, “So did you get any leads?”

“Well- uh.”

Niall shakes his head, “Too busy kissing that pretty boy onstage, I see. Gonna blow the whole case for a piece of ass?”

16) Thinking About Peaches | Explicit | 23724 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic, which is #18 on this list.

Eight smutty drabbles following the events of bruise you like a peach.

17) Quiet People Have the Loudest Minds | Mature | 38065 words

Broadway shows were one of the few things that could keep Louis’ attention for a full two hours without needing to move about. But not tonight.

The alpha next to him was both infuriating him and practically turning him on at the same time. He needed to leave. The alpha, that is. Louis was staying.

18) Bruise You Like A Peach | Explicit | 40694 words

Note: The sequel to this fic is #16 on this list.

There’s two reasons Harry despises Econ.

The first is that it’s boring as fuck. The second reason is a bit more personal, a bit more focused in a way. As in it’s focused on one specific thing, or in his case, person.

His name is Louis Tomlinson.

19) Falling Out Of Fashion | Explicit | 42123 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Harry Styles has been the established face of the Grimshaw House of Design for two years. It’s a prestigious and coveted modeling contract Harry took away from once-famed supermodel Zayn Malik. With the model transition Grimshaw’s designs went from a more urban, Zayn-forward aesthetic, to a Harry-favoring flowery, flowing femininity in the Grimshaw designs for men.

So when Harry sees a dress Grimshaw made for a famous Marvel actress, “only a tease”, Nick says, of the evolving look, Harry knows Grimshaw is shifting his aesthetic.

Harry wonders if he can pull off the look.

Or could Grimshaw be looking for a new face?

20) Secretly Dating | Mature | 43615 words

Lottie groaned, looming over Louis with a glare. “If we’re late, Mum and Dad will never let Harry see me – ie. see you.”

It was the first time they openly addressed the fact that Harry saw more of Louis than Lottie on their supposed ‘dates.’ He supposed he knew as much, but it still startled him. “You’ve been setting us up!”

Lottie snorted, cocking out her hip and brushing her blonde hair over her shoulder. “Honestly, Harry. You’re so dense. To be fair, it was at Louis’ request.”

Louis’ mouth gaped like a fish as he jumped to standing position, wobbling only slightly. “Don’t sell me out!”

Lottie rolled her eyes. “Come on lovebirds.”

21) You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) | Mature | 95417 words

Harry was in the biggest boy band in the world. He was also one half of the best (or worst, depends on who you ask) kept secret relationship in the music industry.

Now, almost five years on, after One Direction has broken up, and Harry and Louis' relationship has as well, a video threatens to put everything at risk.

One determined Irishman, a massive publicity stunt and two begrudging exes are all it takes to bring One Direction back to life and maybe, just maybe, Harry and Louis' mangled love life too.

22) The Healing Song | Mature | 111851 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis was carrying the large stuffed elephant like it was a baby, it’s trunk hanging over his shoulder and down his back and it’s front legs were resting around his neck, like it was hugging him. Said elephant was a present from Louis’ close friend Steve, who had thought Louis needed something to hug on bad days and had gifted him with a stuffed elephant the size of a one year old.

Steve had been right. Some days Louis did need something to hug, and this elephant was as good as anything.

Louis was having one of the rougher days. The harmonious state of the anxiety free life of a fearless Louis had ended the week after he met with Harry. It ended as abruptly as it had started. It was like pushing a button. Lights out. Almost as if the universe said “You’ve had your fun, crazy one, now go be sick” and slammed the door in his face.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

#bottom louis #top harry #blp fic recs #monthly fic recs #fic recs #blp #larry

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hikarimiyanaga · 3 years

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I'll Always Be Yours (Part 8)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Eight Song : Sleep Tonight

A/N : Another English song and the finale of this series.

You enjoy your honeymoon with Natasha Romanoff. Still, nightmares persist.

A little late but better late than never.

Tell your goodnight to the light and close your eyes

There's a better place for you than to stay awake

You'll get closer to a paradise of dreamers in love

You'll get better like heaven has done something

You smile as you and Natasha settle down in your room. You’re in a resort in Palawan and Steve assured that no one would bother you two for at least a month. You unpack the last of the suitcases when Natasha hugs you from behind. You laugh then turn to her.

“Y/N Romanoff.” You kiss her and smile.

“Yes, Natasha Romanoff? Do you want something, my love?”

“You.” You smile. “Always you.”

You sigh as you can’t sleep. You look over Natasha and smile. She looks so peaceful… granted you did kind of overdid with 5 times nonstop. You just can’t help but savor your lovely wife. You pull her closer into you. You were just falling asleep when you hear Natasha whimper. Your open your eyes as she tries to hit you. She whimpers again and you rub her back and whisper comforting words to her. She was having a nightmare. You should’ve been used to this but it still breaks your heart a little when it happens. She calms down after a minute and you sigh in relief. You stare at the ceiling before groaning. You can’t fall asleep again.

So lay now, hear me all through the night

There's no teardrop, you can count on me tonight

Or I'll stay up with you

You two are just exhausted tonight. It’s been three days since Natasha had her nightmare. You were talking about everything that came to mind before you noticed that she fell asleep. You smile and kiss her forehead before tucking her in. You get your sketchpad and pencil and begin drawing. You get through at least two drawings before Natasha reaches out to you.

“Y/N?” You put aside your sketchpad and pencil before turning to her.

“What’s wrong?” She pouts and you can’t help but smile.

“What are you doing?”

“Sketching? I can’t get those beautiful beaches out of my head and I just had to.”

“But sleep?” You get a hair strand out of her face and she hums.

“Sorry, baby, I promise I’ll cuddle you after I finish.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, Nat.”

After half an hour of sketching you hear her whimper and you quickly set aside your sketchpad and pencil.

“Nat? Baby?” You try to calm her down, but she wakes up. “Are you okay?” She nods and looks at you. She kisses you and you kiss her back.

“It was a nightmare.” You nod as she settles on your side. “Can I watch you?”

“Watch me do what?”

“Sketch.”

“Of course.” You kiss her forehead before getting your pencil and sketchpad. She puts her hand on your thigh and you smile. You sketch for an hour before she falls asleep. You sleep besides her after you hide your pencil and sketchpad.

Baby it's alright

I'll be right by your side

No need to cry out loud

Nothing to cry about

Baby it's alright

I'll be just by your side

I'll keep you on my sight

I'll never leave 'til you sleep tonight

Natasha cries this time and you panic as you try to calm her down. She hugs you tightly.

“I’m right here, baby. Don’t cry.” You say as you rub her back. She calms down and you can’t help but sigh in relief… it feels like her nightmares are becoming more often.

“Nat. We need to talk.” She gulps and goes to you. You pat the spot besides you and she sits.

“Y/N? What-“

“You keep having nightmares, Nat.” She gets teary-eyed. God, did you get tired of it? Of her? Everything- “It’s not that Natasha. I know what you’re thinking.” You take her hands. “I’ll never get tired of you. Even if you make me pass out by your libido or keep me all night with your nightmares. It’s just-“ You sigh and run a hand through your hair. “I’m worried. Are you stressed? Sad? Guilty?”

“Afraid.” She mumbles and you hum. She takes your left hand and smiles at the ring. “I just- I keep thinking about messing things up and then all of those worri-“

“Get in your dreams. What was your dream last night?” She looks up to you and you give her a smile.

“You know that kid you helped yesterday?”

“Yeah?”

“It was… you were with his mom and you were both just so happy.”

“So you got jealous and worr-“

“And guilty. I can’t give you kids, not until I stop being an Avenger and I don’t-“

“Nat. Have you ever asked what I wanted?” You smile and she shakes her head. “Ask then.” She takes a deep breath and looks you in the eye.

“Okay. What do you want, Y/N?” You take her left hand and kiss it.

“You. And everything you’re willing to give. Will that include kids? I don’t know. Will it kill me? Of course not. As much as I love imagining a little you and me running around our own house, it’s early for us. We just got married two weeks ago. You are the love of my life, Natasha, nothing and I mean nothing could ever change that.” She’s crying by the time you were done and you wipe her tears away.

I'll cover you with my arms and hold you tight

And I'll be listening to your wonderful and calm little voice

I'll keep watching 'til my eyes burn down

“Y/N?” Natasha shakes you but you just whimper. “Baby?” You wake up with a gasp and you look at shock. You stare at each other then you suddenly cry. “Y/N.” She hugs you and you tremble.

“You were gone again.” You say and Natasha nods. She straddles you and hugs you again.

“I’m not going anywhere anymore, Y/N. I swear on my life.” You nod and hug her back. You fall asleep after a few minutes and Natasha lays you down slowly. She cuddles you and falls asleep.

“Y/N? Not sleeping yet?” You shake your head and smile at Nat.

“Go ahead. I’ll just finish this piece.” You’re both back in the compound and you’ve been painting for the last ten hours.

“Okay.” She complies and you hum. You take your phone and earphones out. You choose one of her recorded messages. She recorded them so you can listen to her voice even if she was on a mission.

“Y/N. Have I ever told you how blown I am by your paintings?” You smile. She has. Multiple times actually since you’ve given her one. “The way you make art is like the way you love. You’re attentive, focused, and determined.” You chuckle. “That’s why I was floored when you gave me one… and when you let me back inside your life. I messed up. I know that. But I’m going to try and make it up to you with every single day of my life.” You hum. “And when I’m away… well, just listen to this and the other recordings. I’m going to come home to you. I know I will. I don’t think I can spend another lifetime away from you.” You finish it up and sigh in relief. You clean up your art supplies and stretch your body as you make your way to your room. You see Natasha fast asleep and you go to bed beside her. You can’t fall asleep yet so you get your sketchpad and sketch your wife.

Natasha wakes up before you and it was a rather rare sight. You usually wake up alongside her or before her. She notices your open sketchpad and gets it. Oh. That’s why. She chuckles and you stir awake.

“Morning, Nat.” You greet and she puts the sketchpad aside.

“Morning, baby. Nice sleep.” You hum in confirmation and she can’t help but kiss you. You smile against her lips.

“Now, it’s a good morning.” She grins and you sit. You notice your sketchpad and look at her.

“You drew me.” You scoff at her.

“Woman, I draw you all the time.” You stand and go to your closet. You open it and gesture at the top shelf full of sketchpads. “All of these are filled by you. My landscape sketches are with Silvia.”

“Really? How come you neve-“

“Because some of them are kinda what I just remember of you.” You get the oldest one and give it to Natasha. “That’s the first one that I filled.” She opens it and smiles.

“It’s beautiful.” You chuckle and sit beside her.

“That’s because that’s how I remember you.” She looks at you and you put a strand of hair behind her ear. “Beautiful, bad-ass, kind and smart. The love of my life.”

“I love you, Y/N Romanoff. I’m so glad you’re mine.” You grin and kiss her.

“I love you too, Natasha Romanoff. I’ll always be yours.”

A/N:

And thus ends my series that I somehow wrote under a week.

I'm still floored by fast I wrote this.

And how it's more than 10,000 words in total.

Also, it's pretty amazing that this series' total notes is over 100 which is beyond my expectations?

I expected 20+ and that's that.

So, Thank You so much for all the love you all gave this series of mine.

#Natasha Romanoff x Reader #Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader #Marvel #Marvel Fanfic #Natasha Romanoff Fanfiction #Black Widow x Reader #Black Widow x you #Natasha x you

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royallyprincesslilly · 4 years

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Title: That Old Thing Back {One Shot} ***

Charlie Hunnam x Ex-Wife Reader

Warning: Cursing, Angst, POV Changes, LOTS OF WORDS, NSFW, Mentions of miscarriage

Words: 8,888k

Note: Okay, this is a first for Charlie. I am not familiar with his mannerisms at all, so I hope this hits well. If not, anon, I am sorry. As always, thank you all for reading! Also, y’all see 8888 words. 8888 must mean something right.

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you meet someone, within minutes, you know what you want from them. After the first conversation, you know what capacity you want them in your life. After a week, you know just how you feel about them. Charlie could attest to this. When he first saw you, he couldn’t keep his eyes off you. He was mesmerized by you and just sat and marveled as you danced around the great lawn of the park he happened to be in that afternoon. You looked carefree and so full of life. Nine other women were dancing with you, but he could only see you.

That led him to stalk you for the remainder of the afternoon. Once the class was finished, he followed behind you and listened to your conversation as you walked through the streets and fell deeper under your spell. Your voice was like a finely tuned melody that sounded better than any song he’d ever heard. He sat in the same restaurant you did and just watched you as you spoke and laughed. Every story you told was so animated he felt like he’d been right there when it happened. You were the most captivating creature he’d ever seen.

By the time he knew what had happened, he’d pushed his entire day to the side and had followed you, and he didn’t regret one thing. When he least expected it, you confronted him and called him out on his stalker antics, and that only made him want to know you more. It was the perfect imperfect meet. From that day, the two of you had been inseparable. You spent all your free time together. When he told you his aspiration to be an actor, you didn’t laugh or tell him to forget it and be more practical. You were his biggest supporter, and he fell harder for you.

A whirlwind, passion-filled eight-month romance led to him proposing and begging you to spend your life with him. When you excitedly screamed yes and leaped on him in the middle of the restaurant, everyone around you elated and showered you with applause and well wishes. The two of you didn’t bother waiting. A month later, you were married and more in love than ever. Neither of you were prepared when CJ came around, but it made your love deeper, your marriage stronger.

You were by his side as he struggled through audition after audition, waiting for his big break. You were there rejection after rejection, always having his back and pushing him never to give up. You were his backbone, and when that role came, you were right there for him. The rolls came in one after the other, which meant he was gradually becoming busier and busier. Before you knew it, he was always on a movie set, and you were always home with CJ.

No one prepared him for the struggles of marriage, a baby, and his budding career. He was warned about it by his agent early on, but he swore the two of you had what it took to withstand any and all struggles. He hadn’t factored himself in as a struggle. Thanks to his rapid rise to fame, everyone wanted a piece of him, and when they took their piece, there was none left for you. The arguments increased, and the miscommunication and unsaid words took a toll. The space that formed between you was wide enough to classify them as chasms.

It seemed like he couldn’t do anything right. Everything he said was wrong. When he took a weekend off of work, it was wrong because you found it clear he would rather be working. When he tried to get close to you for any affection, you were always tired from your day with CJ, and every time you tried, he was too busy. He got lost in the Hollywood lifestyle, the parties, the socializing, the life that was bullshit, and had nothing on you or CJ. He turned into the monster in the fairytale, the monster that mothers warned their daughters about.

He’d lost track of how many times he’d heard you crying, lost track of how many times he’d struggled with what to do, how to be. It wasn’t that he wanted to hurt you, he just didn’t know how to be who you wanted, how you needed him to be. The last straw was him missing your birthday to remain at the Cannes Film Festival, the festival he got pictured in a compromising position. One he was entirely at fault for, but one where absolutely nothing happened. The last thing you said to him was, “Your priorities are all fucked up, if you don’t want us fine I’ll solve the problem.”

He came home to divorce papers and an empty house and not too long after you were in the hospital suffering from a miscarriage. A miscarriage the doctors blamed on stress, a miscarriage you blamed on him, a miscarriage he blamed himself for. After that, you made it clear you were done with him. He had the thought to contest and fight for you, but he knew the same problems would still be there. He had to face the facts that you’d probably grown too far apart, and that he would only cause you pain. He had to let you go. So, let you go he did.

Groaning, he rubbed his face trying to keep the sleep at bay. The sound of the waves at his Malibu home was the soothing back noise he needed. It was the same noise that propelled him deep into his state of depression. It was a sate he’d been fighting for the last year. He’d been mostly successful, but tonight was hard. Tonight, was the anniversary of what would have been your seventh wedding anniversary.

The whole night he’d been haunted by memories, haunted by feelings, and haunted by every regret he’d held on to for the last near two years. He thought of scenarios where he should have said something when he hadn’t said anything. He thought about the times he didn’t do something when he should have dome something—anything. He regretted everything that led to this point, the point where he had no wife and a son he was missing that was growing up without seeing him every day.

“Fuck!” His shout was loud, and though the beach was vast, it still somehow echoed around him. There was no escaping you. He’d tried like hell every day, especially when you moved said the most hurtful words you’d ever said to him.

-Fourteen Months Earlier-

“Leave Charlie; you’re good at that.”

“That’s not fair, Y/N, and you know it!”

You spun around with pure vitriol radiating from you. “Fair! Do you know what’s not fair? It’s not fair that I’ve been by your side through everything, supporting you and loving you fiercer than a mother lion to her cubs, birthed your son, held you down through everything, the struggle, the good times only to have you do this!”

“You’re the one who left me, Y/N!”

He knew he shouldn’t have thrown that at you. He knew it was a bad idea.

“Let’s be real. You left me long before I left you! Plus, what was there to stay for, a man who turned out to be my biggest mistake?”

-Present Day-

With his phone in hand, he pulled up your contact. It was one that he stared at so often—too often, he opened up his messages and did the only thing his head told him to.

MSG My Wife: It’s insane today would have been our 7th anniversary. Seven years. The day I said those vows to you were the happiest day of my life until the day you told me about CJ. I thought seven would be just the beginning for us. I fully expected seventeen, twenty-seven, thirty-seven, seventy. I probably shouldn’t be sending this, but there was no way I could fight it. God, Y/N, this has always been my favorite day. Now it’s one of the most painful.

He tossed his phone on the side table and dropped his head back, praying he could forget and move on. It was clear you’d already done it.

As if that wasn’t enough, to add insult to injury, four days later he was staring down at the date your divorce was finalized. It was irony at its best and a just punishment for him. He’d been suffering the last year, so much, so pain felt like his best friend. He just wallowed in everything he’d lost, wallowed in it with no intention to pull himself out. It was that same pain that had him on this interstate driving out of LA to the place he shouldn’t be going anywhere near.

When he pulled up inside the yard, he sat in his mustang for much longer than he should have. He looked around at somewhere he was familiar with but only loosely. He looked at the toys scattered on the lawn and smiled before it slipped and was replaced with sorrow. After taking a deep breath, he got out and walked to the door. He hesitated before his knuckles rapped on the door, then he waited.

~~~~~~~~~

-Y/N-

“CJ, please put this hoverboard away before I break my neck!”

You wiped your hands on the dishtowel as you made your way to the front door. Your son was single-handedly working overtime to break every bone in his body. You’d heard that raising a boy would be difficult, but you were not prepared. He was a handful and a half, especially since he was the carbon copy of his father. Not only did he look just like him down to his blond hair, but he also had the same interests—skating, hoverboarding, biking, and soccer. Those were just the beginning of their similarities. With your head lost in thought, you didn’t see the fist-size fire truck that was lying in wait for you just in front of the door. You hopped and did your best football scrimmage to avoid the tragedy you foresaw.

“Jesus Christ! Charles Matthew Hunnam, Junior!”

You could hear the barrage of footsteps as he came running. He knew when you used his entire name; he was in trouble. As sure as the sky was blue, he came bounding around the corner with his blond curls bouncing and honey-chocolate sun kissed complexion on his way to you.

“I’m sorry, mommy,” he sheepishly breeched as he bent to the floor to gather the death traps he’d left for you.

��“How many times have I told you to pick your toys up when you’re finished?”

“I’m sorry, I forgot.” He looked so sad now and gave you those blue specked hazel eyes that were such an interesting mix of yours and Charlie’s that you were always a sucker for.

Groaning, you shook your head affectionally. “Try to remember, honey,” you softly reminded. CJ nodded and threw his arms around your midsection. These were the things that made your day. The doorbell rang then, reminding you someone was there. “Take them up, please.”

“Okay, mommy.” You turned from him and continued your walk to the door. When you swung it open, you were shocked half to death to see Charlie standing on the other side.

“Charlie,” you gasped out. Once CJ heard his name, you heard the clatter of the toys he must have just had heaped in his hands.

“Daddy!” You heard him running, and in seconds, he bound into Charlie’s waiting arms.

“Ah! Hey, buddy!” Charlie stood and held onto CJ like he was his most favorite thing in the world; it was the same way CJ held onto him.

You stood there and watched them half warmed by the sight of father and son and their evident love for each other and half seething that Charlie was there in the first place. He knew better than to show up unannounced. The only way this worked was if you had time to prepare yourself to see him. This was unexpected.

“I missed you, daddy.”

“I missed you too, CJ. Gosh, you look like you’re growing like a weed,” Charlie surmised, placing CJ back onto the ground.

“I am, mommy says I’m half her height.”

“Oh, is that right? So half her height means you’re still a ways behind me. I guess I better go back to eating my veggies,” Charlie joked. CJ found it funny, even if you didn’t.

Clearing your throat, you brought the attention of your ex-husband to you. his smile faltered. “What’re you doing here, Charlie?”

“I uh—I wanted to see CJ.”

You dropped your head and sighed. This was going to turn into an argument.

“I wanted to see you too, daddy. Can we do something? Can I show you my new bike? Then can we go down to the lake, and I can show you my new trick?”

“Hold on there, bud. We gotta ask mommy,” Charlie said on a chuckle.

“Can we mommy, please, please, please, please!” CJ was pouring on all the emotions and sweetness. You didn’t have the heart to say no.

“Go ahead, have fun. Please, no broken bones!”

“Thank you, mommy.” His hug was quick before he was grabbing hold of Charlie’s hand to yank him away. As he did, Charlie looked back to you with a melancholic smile, one you refused to read into.

When you walked back inside, you were the one to pick up the toys you’d just told your son to pick up. You didn’t mind this time; you needed something to keep yourself busy. Picking up CJ’s toys turned into rearranging some of the things in the living room, and that turned into sweeping, then vacuuming and finally mopping. You could hear the jolly screams and laughs from inside the yard, and though it made you happy to hear how happy CJ was, it also filled you with a hint of sadness, one you’d worked hard to ignore.

Every so often, you found yourself drifting to the windows to watch on as the two of them played. Every time you looked out, they were doing something different. Once it was tricks on BMX bikes, another time it was weird acrobatics like handstands and flips, and when you looked out once and saw them actually building mud monsters, you nearly lost your shit at how adorable they were together. That was when you stepped up the cleaning and began cleaning the kitchen.

Once the cleaning was finished, you moved on to starting dinner. An hour passed then two, and you were in the thick of things. You’d only intended on cooking lasagna, but that turned into lasagna with sautéed broccoli, and garlic bread and dessert. It was apparent to you that you were anxiety cooking. Before you finished, though in they bounded downright filthy but over the moon.

“Mommy, look!” CJ ran to you completely covered in a mixture of dried and wet mud with grass stains. He looked ready to throw his arms around you before you scurried behind the kitchen island.

“Charles Matthew Hunnam, don’t you dare get me dirty.” His laughter was loud.

“Fine, but look what we brought you.” He held out a bouquet of handpicked flowers of all varieties. A smile stretched across your face. You knew it was going to happen before it did.

“You picked me flowers?”

“Yup, it was daddy’s idea, then we had a competition who could pick the most. I won,” CJ happily boasted. The tears welling in your eyes could not be stopped from spilling.

“Thank you, CJ, they are gorgeous. I love them almost as much as I love you.” CJ’s smile was just as wide, and your heart melted.

“If you weren’t as filthy as a lost boy, I would hug you and kiss you, so if you want that hug and kiss, you better get showered.”

“Okay, mommy.” CJ began to run away but stopped and came back to stand before Charlie. “Are you going to leave now?” His tone was low, and he looked like he was about to cry.

“Uh—well, I hadn’t planned on staying this long.”

“No! No, no, stay please, please, please. Mommy said she was going to make lasagna. It’s my favorite,” CJ rattled on.

“Mine too,” Charlie admitted. You knew it.

“Mommy, daddy loves your lasagna too; can he stay for dinner with us? Please, please, pleeeeeeease!”

“CJ, I’m sure that your dad has things he has to do.”

“No, he doesn’t, I asked outside he said he has nothing to do. Please, mommy, for meeeeee.” His whine was becoming incessant, sighing you accepted defeat.

“Okay, only because I’d do anything for you.” CJ smiled widely again then hugged Charlie before he ran off, leaving the two of you standing there.

“Uh—I can take shower duty, or have you transitioned him to alone ones?”

“He’s all yours.” Charlie nodded and walked up the stairs where CJ just disappeared from.

Once alone, you looked at the flowers in your hands and ignored the flutter in your belly and the sight of one of your favorite wildflowers, dab smack in the middle of the bouquet, the one only Charlie knew about —poppies.

Nearly forty minutes later, dinner was underway, and it felt like old times, the times during your marriage before things went to shit. CJ talked about everything under the sun. He told Charlie all about his soccer schedule and who his friends were in school this month, he even told him all the gossip in his class. It was like he was making up for the last three weeks he hadn’t seen him. That made you sad, but you knew it was just how life was. Charlie was now a full-fledged movie star, and though his star rose years ago, it was still rising. Thanks to his insanely successful show, Sons of Anarchy, his name was a household one, and it came with thousands of thirsty groupies.

Charlie laughed loudly as he threw his head back, clearly amused by one of CJ’s stories. He truly looked to be enjoying himself to the fullest. You’d long known that CJ was the best thing that had ever happened to Charlie. You’d spent long nights talking about just how much he loved that little boy and everything in you loved to hear him talk about how enamored he was with him. You knew that would never change, no matter what happened between the two of you.

A little more than halfway through dinner Charlie’s eyes met yours, and it felt like forever ago that you’d looked into them. They looked different, sadder, more detached, and full of something that looked like pain. He looked different to you now than he had months ago. Maybe he was different, you thought.

“Mommy, can I have dessert?”

Snapping out of it, you smiled and nodded to your son. “Absolutely, a slice of pineapple upside-down cake coming right up.” You stood and walked into the kitchen to fix three plates of the dessert. When you came back, the two of them were doing thumb wars. Shaking your head, you put the plates down and tried not to think about how much different things could have been.

The three of you ate your sweet treat and continued to emulate the perfect family. Once dessert was finished, Charlie was the one to initiate doing the dishes something you remembered he promised on your wedding day to do when he loved you the most to show you he cared and appreciated you. There was no way that was the reason now. While he did the dishes with CJ, you busied yourself with finding yet another thing to clean. It was a habit at this point.

After the tidying was completed, you sat in front of the TV to watch an episode of CJ’s favorite cartoon, The Last Airbender. Through the entire episode, he and Charlie whispered and chatted about the episode then pretended to be from warning nations while they did their bending. It was then you faced how much you missed nights like this. It had been close to two years since the three of you spent time together like this. It was done on purpose. You didn’t think you could handle it. You had no idea how you were now.

Before you knew it, the time had run away, and it was now almost ten. After telling CJ to get into bed, hit the bottle of your go-to liquor, hoping to find some form of strength to hold you up. Having Charlie there playing doting dad and husband as if he was no longer a part of your life hurt, it hurt a hell of a lot. You still had some animosity about the way things ended.

When you made it upstairs, Charlie was sitting at the foot of CJ’s bed looking as if he were about to read him his bedtime story. “Oh, it’s cool. You guys go ahead,” you began.

“Mommy, can you both read to me, like how you used to,” CJ pleaded. That was like a knife to the gut. You’d made CJ your top priority your whole like, and when you and Charlie began to have problems, his happiness was the only thing the two of you agreed on. You didn’t want him to feel as if he were missing anything, but right now, you saw he felt the void.

“Of course, baby.” Walking around the bed to CJ’s pillow, you settled in your usual place and lifted your bare legs into the bed to cuddle beside your son. CJ dropped his head on your chest, where he knew he could listen to your heart. It was an action he’d always done ever since he was a little boy.

You kissed the top of his head before you began. “Ready?” CJ nodded. Charlie held out the book to you, but you shook your head. “I’ve got it memorized. You keep it.”

You took another breath, then began. “A mother bird sat on her egg. The egg jumped. Oh, oh! said the mother bird. “My baby will be here! He will want to eat. I must get something for my baby bird to eat! She said. I will be back! So away, she went.” CJ burrowed deeper into your side, making you smile. When you looked up, Charlie’s eyes were glued on the two of you. Nodding, you signaled for him to take over.

Charlie cleared his throat and took a breath. “The egg jumped. It jumped and jumped and jumped! Out came the baby bird. Where is my mother, he said? He looked for her. He looked up; he did not see her. He looked down; he did not see her. I will go and look for her. So away, he went.” He read it without looking at the book. He just stared at CJ.

With your turn, you read the next few pages, but you couldn’t keep your eyes off Charlie. He watched you as you watched him, and it was the most perfect thing. For the next ten or so minutes, you read the book to your son together. When he spoke, he never once looked down at the pages, never once broke the eye contact between you. The only time he glanced from your eyes was to look into his son’s. There were so many instances you had to stifle the flutter of your heart, and countless times, you found yourself looking over his hands and forearms. Even when he caught you, you didn’t seem to care. His voice coupled with how enamored he looked with CJ and vice versa and how rugged he looked, was wreaking havoc on you, especially when you remembered the miscarriage. Once you remembered that, a bitter taste filled your mouth, which brought you back to your reality.

“All right, prince charming, that’s it,” you gently informed. CJ was still wide awake.

“Aww. Does that mean you’re leaving now, daddy?” Charlie sighed, and it brought your attention to him. He looked equally as distraught as CJ did. The pit of your stomach knotted. This was never the fun part.

“I’m afraid so, buddy.”

“No. Stay, please. I don’t want you to go. I won’t see you for weeks. I miss you. Don’t you miss me? It’s like you don’t like being here with me or with us,” CJ rushed out. You could hear the pain in his voice, and it broke you in two. Looking at Charlie, you could see it was the same for him.

“Of course, I miss you, buddy. I miss you more than I have the words to say. I always want to be with you, to be here, but you know that’s not our life anymore,” Charlie carefully explained.

“Baby, it’s all right. Your dad loves you more than anything in this world,” you assured, hoping to smooth things over. It didn’t look like he believed one word you said.

“Bud, I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.”

“I don’t believe you!” With that, the silence in the room was heavy. Charlie looked at his wit’s end with how to console him, and you knew what to do, but you didn’t think you had the strength. You could feel CJ’s tears, and that was the last straw.

“Look at me, CJ.” Slowly he rose his head to you. you wiped his cheeks and kissed his forehead. “He’ll be here when you wake up.” It was a whisper because that was all you could muster.

“What?” Charlie’s shock was evident. You looked at him and sighed.

“You should stay. He needs this—he needs you.”

Charlie searched your eyes before he spoke again. “Are you sure?”

No, you weren’t sure. This was probably a bad idea for you, but for CJ, it was the best solution. Nodding your response, you looked back to CJ.

“He can stay, mommy?” His smile was right back where it should be.

“He can stay love, but you have to go to sleep.”

Yayy!” CJ threw his arms around you to show his gratitude and excitement. You kissed him once more then stood.

“Bed.” CJ kissed your jaw, then dropped back onto his bed and snuggled in his covers.

“I’m going to stay; it’s been a while since I’ve watched him sleep,” Charlie whispered. Nodding, you walked out the door, leaving it slightly ajar.

Again, you busied yourself preparing the guestroom, hoping the movement would distract you from not only thinking but worrying about the ramifications of your decision. This would be the first time in almost two years you’d slept under the same roof. Divorced meant over and done with. Of course, divorced with a child didn’t give a shit about over and done. He’d forever be in your life.

The message you’d received from him a few days ago reminded you of just that. It was the most unexpected thing, the most heartbreaking message you’d gotten from him in a long time. It was so heartbreaking you had to lock yourself in the bathroom with the faucet and shower running to hide the sounds of your bawling from CJ. You ended up hiding in there for close to an hour, and even when you reemerged, you were emotionally unstable for the remainder of the evening. You were so emotionally unstable; there was no way you trusted yourself to respond, so you left it on read. What the fuck were you supposed to say to it anyway?

After changing the sheets and straightening up a few things, you retreated to your bedroom for some quiet time, quiet time you desperately needed. You didn’t know how to get through the next twenty-four hours. You were struggling. Staring in the mirror, you objectively looked at yourself. You saw the truth, you always had. You just couldn’t afford to let that truth slip to the surface.

The knock at the door had you leaping to your feet. When you opened it, there was Charlie, and your stomach liked what it saw.

“Fast asleep?” He nodded and looked down at the floor.

“I don’t have to stay in the house. I can sleep in my car,” Charlie suggested.

“I’d do anything for you—for CJ.” The way he said it had your heart racing.

“It’s fine. I have space. Come on.” You walked out of your bedroom and down the hall leading him to the guestroom you’d just prepped. When he walked into the room, you watched as he looked around.

“I just changed the sheets; they’d been on for weeks. It should be all good.”

He turned to you, nodding his head. “Thank you, love dove.”

The name hit you like a mack truck. You audibly “oofed” as you wrapped your arms around your midsection, instantly feeling the effect and the loneliness it brought on. He used to always call you that name, a day would never go by without him whispering it in your ear, against your neck, or your lips. You were brought back to happier times where you’d be locked in your room in bed, just ravaging each other, and he’d whisper it the entire time.

Charlie must have been going through the same thing you were because he looked regretful before he spoke. “Sorry. Old habits.”

Again, your stares lingered, and the air in the room was heavy and hot. It was like the last year or so didn’t happen, like he hadn’t broken your heart. He still had an effect.

“Good night.” It was quickly said, and your exit was just as quick. You spent the next forty or so minutes in the shower. You hoped it would help to calm you down, but it didn't do that, it just gave you more anxiety.

When you got out, you began to wonder if you’d placed towels in the room. When you saw them in your closet, you realized you’d brought them here mistakenly. Once you wrapped in your robe, you made your way to his room to drop them off. You knocked once, then twice, but neither knocks were answered. Deciding you could chance sneaking in to put the towels down, you opened the door. The sound of the shower running gave you your answer as to why he didn’t answer. Quickly you walked to the bed and put the stack of grey towels on the bed. As you neared it, out came Charlie in all his wet glory. In your shock, the towels fell to the floor and had your eyes snapping shut.

“Oh, god, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude. I forgot to leave some towels. I knocked; you didn’t answer.”

The room was silent; he didn’t speak. You wondered what he was doing. Was he trying to cover himself? Using your hands as your eyes, you felt for the towels you’d dropped. In seconds frustration filled you when you couldn’t find them. Opening your eyes for a second, you saw the towels, but when you looked only a centimeter up, there was his junk right in front of you. He hadn’t budged from his spot and hadn’t even made an attempt to cover himself.

You meant to look away immediately, but that didn’t happen. He was maybe half a foot from you, close enough to touch. Charlie had always been the most attractive man that you’d seen. He’d always done it for you. With you on your knees before him, you realized that hadn’t changed. A son, a miscarriage, a messy ending to your marriage, and a divorce had done nothing to temper how much you always seemed to want him or be attracted to him.

You were kneeling there in wide-eyed amazement. It had been years since you’d seen him like this. The deterioration of your marriage meant you spent lots of nights lonely and unloved. Before you gave him divorce papers, it had been seven whole months since you’d been intimate. When you added on the four months it took for the divorce to finalize and the year of being a divorcee, you hadn’t gotten laid in over two years. It was shameful because right now you knew why only he had an impact, only he would do.

“It’s okay,” Charlie whispered. His voice was shaking, and he sounded hopelessly breathless. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before in great detail.”

Again, you remembered all the things you’d done to him in great detail over the six years of your marriage. Jumping to your feet, you tried your hardest to look away from his inviting appendage. You held out the stack of towels to him with your head turned to the side and waited for him to take them. When his hands grasped the items, they brushed yours and sent thousands of electric sparks through your hand and directly into your heart.

Your eyes met again, and they lingered on each other. You hoped he couldn’t hear your heart, hoped he couldn’t tell what a fraud you were.

“I should go,” you whispered.

“You don’t have to.” His response awoke a need in you that you thought you’d buried. You knew what he was suggesting. Everything in you wanted to take the gentle suggestion and cross the room to him, but then what.

Groaning, you peeled your eyes from his and turned. “Yes, I have to. Good night Charlie.” Those were the last words before you made your rapid exit.

The following morning you awoke to the scent of food being prepared. When you looked at the clock, it was almost ten. Usually, you’d be up by eight. You’d slept in. Quickly you brushed your teeth and pulled on a pair of leggings then went downstairs. As you neared the kitchen, you could smell the evidence of what promised to be a delicious breakfast. You turned, and there was Charlie standing over the store in his tank cooking away. Good lord help you he’d buffed up even more, you thought. Times like these you wished things had been different. You missed mornings like this. Charlie looked up and smiled when he saw you. As you approached, his eyes roamed your body before his eyebrows knitted together.

“What?”

“Is that my hoodie?” You looked over yourself and realized your error. It was normal for you to sleep in his clothes, but you didn’t realize you still worse it.

“Nope.” It was a lie but one he couldn’t fully prove.

Charlie scoffed but didn’t speak again for a long time. You took the opportunity to bring up his impromptu visit.

“You can’t just show up unannounced Charlie. That is not okay. You can see CJ whenever you want I have never kept the two of you apart but just showing up here—you can’t.”

Charlie nodded and but kept his eyes down. “I know, I’m sorry. I just—I really missed CJ, and I had to see him, so see you. I couldn’t stay away. I wanted to talk.”

What the hell were you supposed to say to that, you thought. Sensing your speechlessness, Charlie spoke. “I’m sorry about last night. I was out of line.”

“Let’s not talk about it, CJ will be down any minute.”

“I have to talk about it. I’m losing my mind. I’ve been losing it for the last near two years, and—I’m struggling,” Charlie admitted. His candor shook you. Half of you wanted to know more, but the other half was too scared.

“Charlie, it’s fine. Let’s move on.”

“I can’t. I can’t be like you. You have everything so put together. You’ve pieced this life together without me, and I can’t seem to piece any life together without you—without CJ.”

It was then CJ came running down. It should have been sooner because you were absolutely ruined now. You and Charlie stared at each other. He was daring you to speak, to acknowledge what he’d just dropped on you.

“Daddy!” CJ jumped onto Charlie bringing his attention to your son. You took the reprieve to dip into the half bath to pull yourself together.

You tried to wrap your head around what he’s said, tried to make sense of it. After five minutes, you still couldn’t come to terms with it, so you did the next best thing, pushed it aside. When you walked back out, CJ was sitting at the dining table, as was Charlie.

“Ready to eat, mommy?”

“Absolutely.” You sat at the table and dove into the food, all the while avoiding Charlie’s eyes. Through breakfast, he and CJ talked and joked with each other. It was a welcomed chatter because it took the attention off you.

Once breakfast was finished, you cleaned the dishes while CJ got himself dressed for a playdate he’d been looking forward to the whole week. Now that Charlie was there, he refused to go. It wasn’t until Charlie promised he’d still be there when he got back did CJ agree. When the two of them came down, CJ was dressed and ready just in time for him to be picked up. You thanked Claudia for setting it up the playdate and waved goodbye to CJ from the front door.

When you turned around, Charlie was leaning on the steps watching. You hesitated closing the door to enclose yourself in a confined space that had plenty of surfaces for him to bend you over. When you did, you quickly walked back to the kitchen.

“We have to talk, Y/N.”

“No, we don’t. There is nothing to talk about.”

“Bullshit. After yesterday, last night, even in the kitchen this morning. We have plenty to talk about,” Charlie responded, following you through the house.

“Charlie, don’t.”

“I have to. Are you happy? Like really happy? It’s been a year. Are you happy? Is this what you wanted? Did you want our son feeling like a consolation in our relationship?”

“Are you happy? You’ve gotten what you wanted.”

“Me?! Y/N, you gave me divorce papers. You left our house and never came back,” Charlie shouted through clenched jaws.

“Oh right, I’m the big bad wolf. You know how to fight for a role, but you have no clue how to fight for your marriage, your son. Classic.” You slammed the kitchen fridge unsure why you’d opened it in the first place.

“Don’t pull that. I fought, I came to you over and over, begging you not to do it, pleading with you. You refused to listen.”

“What did you come to me for Charlie? What the hell did you prove to me? What did you show me? What was I going back for? The same bullshit? The same treatment?! In all the times you came begging and pleading, you never once showed me how things would change. You just didn’t want a divorce under your belt. You didn’t want the press to get wind of it.”

“That’s bullshit! I wanted my wife; I wanted my son! You didn’t want me. When did you stop loving me, Y/N?”

You looked at him incredulously. He had to be fucking kidding, you thought. Your anger was rising by leaps and bounds, and you knew the next words out your mouth were going to be venom. “Is the weight of it all too heavy now, Charlie? A year later, a year after you switched up and changed? A year after you showed me time and time and again what was important, who was important. You showed me I didn’t mean shit; CJ didn’t mean shit. I was not going to stay and turn into those Hollywood couples who hated each other and only remained for the spotlight. No!”

“You gave up on me,” Charlie whispered.

“Fuck you! You gave up. You gave up on me and us long before I left you those divorce papers. You did.” You walked away because you could feel your tears spilling over, but you turned around back to him, tired of hiding the fallout of his actions. “You know what makes all of this so much worse? My friends told me this would happen. They told me before we got married, told me to slow down, be careful with you, and I defended you. I defended you till kingdom come. Look where we are, Charlie! Living in a perfect lie!”

“I don’t want to live this lie. I miss you, Y/N. I miss CJ. I miss our life; I miss our family. I’m miserable,” Charlie dropped.

His tears ran down his cheeks, and you flared your nose. This was always your weakness. Charlie had always been in touch with his emotions, but his emotions had to be overwhelming for him to cry.

“Good. You sowed this Charlie. You brought all of this on. My baby--,” you began, but the pain was too much. Charlie sobbed and dropped his head back.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he approached you. You steadily backed away from him, not wanting him to touch you.

“Y/N,” Charlie began as you shook your head.

“No. I’m not doing this with you. I refuse.”

Charlie quickly caught you before you turned and kept you facing him. “You can’t run from this Y/N. Face it with me, please.”

You kept a straight face, refusing to cry any more. You refused to allow him any closer than he already was. You wouldn’t survive it this time. Charlie grunted out in frustration when he realized you were hell-bent on keeping him at bay.

“Y/N!”

“What do you want from me, Charlie?” You shot death rays right at him.

“I want you to say anything! Scream! Yell at me! Just something to show you fucking care.”

“Why should I care? Why the hell should I give one flying fuck?”

“Because I’m still in love with you!”

The words felt like a slap in the face. You’d imagined how they’d sound coming from him during the whole divorce process, during the whole year after the divorce. You were convinced he didn’t love you anymore for him to have treated you the way he did, for him to have done what he did in Cannes. The stress of it brought on your miscarriage.

Though you’d wanted to hear them, you hadn’t prepared to hear them.

“I love you. God, I can't keep pretending like I'm okay with any of this. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t kill me to be away from you, to be away from CJ. I can’t act like I’m thriving or happy. I’m not. I’m miserable. I wish I could press rewind and go back and better, do better. I wish I knew better then, as I know now. I fucked up, and I regret it more than I’ve ever regretted anything in my life. If I had been a better man, none of this would have happened. If I’d only been the man you deserved our baby—our princess would be here right now. I will have to live with that for the rest of my life, the pain that I caused your miscarriage, the pain that I broke our vows, that I broke your heart, I broke us.”

Charlie dropped his forehead to your collar, and his tears dropped across your chest. They felt like acid peeling away every barrier you’d built between him and your heart. He was saying everything you want him to, everything. He wasn’t holding anything back. They were words you’d desperately wanted to hear.

“I’m sorry, love dove. I never wanted to give up on you--on us. I loved you so much. You were my world until CJ. Then you became my universe. I lost myself. I lost sight of you and me. I lost sight of the man I was and wanted to be. For that, I will always be sorry. Losing you and CJ, it broke me. I stand here a broken man. I had to find me again. It’s been hard, but the root of me is you and my son. My family. You have always been what mattered, and I regret I ever lost that, that I ever made you feel like you weren’t my everything.”

One lone tear rolled down your cheek, and that was just the beginning. When Charlie swiped it away with the pad of his thumb, the flood gates opened. You bawled uncontrollably, all your emotions finally catching up to you. Charlie wept with you, and that was how the two of you stayed for countless minutes.

When you opened your eyes and realized how close he was, you sniffled. Slowly the two of you inched to one another. Before your lips touched, both of you hesitated. “Fall back in love with me, love dove.” He whispered.

He really thought you’d ever fallen out of love with him. “You’re an idiot if you think I’ve ever fallen out of love with you.” The hope you saw in Charlie’s eyes set your belly fluttering. It was overwhelming. Charlie claimed your lips in a soft but passionate kiss that took your breath away. It was so intense you felt as if you’d been possessed by sheer desire. The kiss began timid and soft, but in seconds, it had turned into a lustful and sensual soul transference. Charlie’s hands gripped your hips and pulled you flush against him before he lifted you in his arms.

Wrapping your legs around him, you kissed him back with as much heat as you kissed you. Soon the two of you were walking through the house blindly looking for anywhere. Charlie plopped you onto something, and the backs of your knees said it was the kitchen island. Quickly both of you stripped each other. He pulled off his hoodie from your body as you peel his shirt off. Charlie cupped your breasts when he realized you weren’t wearing a bra then dipped his mouth to your mounds. Instantly you moaned and hugged his head to your flesh.

Charlie nipped and hypnotizingly sucked your skin, bringing you more and more ecstasy. It had been so long since you’d felt like this; you didn’t want to think about anything else but the sensations. Charlie pushed you back onto the island and brought his lips down your stomach to your hip. Once there, he pulled off your leggings in one fluid motion. His beard tickled your skin and had you wriggling underneath him. Charlie’s groan was loud when he realized you wore nothing under those leggings.

In seconds he’d draped your legs over his shoulder and reclaimed claimed ownership of the most intimate part of you. He moaned as he lapped at your wetness and teased and pleased your body. You bucked your hips against his lips, feeling your orgasm barrel toward you. Everything in you said it was going to be a catastrophic one. You panted and gasped his name as your body wildly thrashed, unable to control it any longer.

“Aah, yes, right there. Yes, Charlie, yes, yes!”

Your scream was loud, and the tightness of your legs around his head was enough to suffocate. Charlie didn’t panic. Instead, he lifted your lower half into the air and continued his feast, not caring if you were overstimulated or not. Your screech echoed off the walls of the kitchen, and you tried to pry him away from your sex. He refused to budge even when you’d unwrapped your legs the best you could. Yet another orgasm ripped through you, sending a gush of moisture all over his mouth and beard. Charlie groaned, gripped your breasts, and squeezed hard enough for you to know just how tightly wound he was.

When he pried your legs from around him, you felt the renewed fire and quickly slid off the island to drop before him. You hurriedly stripped him eager to have him. Once he was free, his heavy cock bobbed in front of you. Wasting no more time, you slid him into your mouth, ignoring your gag and took every inch he was blessed with. Charlie shouted and hugged your head to his cock, keeping him lodged tightly in your throat. Sensing the low levels of your air supply, he pulled back enough to give you a brief reprieve. It was all you needed and more than you wanted.

Slamming him back into your mouth, you lodged him in your throat again, all the while moaning enthusiastically. Charlie’s hands never left your head just as his mouth never closed. Moan after moan fell from him as you sucked and slurped his length. In no time at all, Charlie was thrusting into your mouth hell-bent on finding his long-overdue release. Just as you were finding a groove, Charlie pulled from your mouth with a loud “pop” before he pulled you up and pushed you onto the island.

With you bent over the island and your ass poked out for him, Charlie rubbed his cock across your soaking folds sending shivers through you. He bent to your ear and kissed you.

“I love you, only you. Endlessly for eternity.” It was the same thing he’d said the night of your wedding before he joined you for the first time as husband and wife. When you peeped behind you and locked eyes with him, you knew the two of you had an understanding. Charlie kissed your back then snapped his hips forward, harshly, and completely filling you to the hilt. You shouted and gripped the island. Your knees bucked from the sheer pleasure of just this. When you clenched around him, Charlie, have you just what you wanted—a rough tryst.

Every slam into your core had you clenching around him. Each thrust was more bruising than the last, and each one brought tears to your eyes. They weren’t hurt tears; they were a mixture of relief and complete joy. You shouted his name over and over, not caring how needy or desperate you sounded. You could feel how on edge he was; his body shook every time he filled you, and every time you said his name, he shouted yours.

When Charlie began jackhammering into you clearly lost in his pleasure, you left planet Earth. Only he could have you like this. Only he could fuck you into outer space. You knew he was close, and the second he whimpered behind you, you pressed back into him, throwing your ass back onto him. Charlie sucked in a breath, and his whimpers intensified. The slap to your ass was the last thing you needed to be pushed over the edge, an edge you dragged him over. Charlie grunted and groaned as he filled you with every ounce of his love.

It took several long moments for the two of you to come down from your sultry sex bubble. After having you across the island, you rode him until his toes curled, and he saw stars on the kitchen floor leaned against the same island. By the time you’d both stopped, hours had passed. Neither of you were fully satiated. As Charlie hugged you to him still buried deep within you, he tipped your chin so you were looming at him.

“Marry me again.” Shocked, you searched his face for his meaning.

“You’re not serious.”

“I am. Will you be my wife again?” the gleam of silver caught your eye, and you looked down to see him wearing your engagement and wedding ring on a chain around his neck. Your world shattered. He’d worn them this entire time. Locking eyes with him again, you knew he could tell you realized what he was wearing.

“All this time?” Charlie held up his hand to show you the silver wedding band he still wore.

“I promised forever; I wasn’t done with it.” Your tears fell, and so many emotions filled you; you had no idea which one to go with.

“I have to do whatever it takes to stop my heart from being broken, Charlie,” you whispered.

“I’ll never break your heart again. I know how it ends. I know what it means. I can’t risk my life without you or CJ anymore. I can’t.” His tears welled, and you believed him.

“Surrender to me, love dove. Surrender to me as I can only surrender to you.” His voice was pleading with you. Closing your eyes, you listened to your soul, the place where no fear lived. When you looked at him, you trailed your thumb across his bottom lip.

“Give them back.” Charlie looked confused for a few seconds before he got it. Quickly he yanked the chain from around his neck and slid the rings off to hover them over your finger before he locked eyes with you.

“Never again will we be here. Never again will I lose us,” Charlie forcefully vowed.

“Never again will I walk away,” you responded. He looked overwhelmingly emotional then, but you could see him holding as much of it back as possible. When he slid the rings onto your finger, both of you sighed as if you both felt instant relief.

You knew this was a new beginning for the two of you but also for CJ. You knew that neither of you would ever again make the same mistakes.

“I surrender,” you both whispered together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#that old thing back one shot #Charlie Hunnam #charlie hunnam fanfiction #charlie hunnam x reader #Charlie Hunnam x you #Charlie hunnan x black reader #black fanfiction #angst fanfic #charlie hunnam smut

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jaskierek · 4 years

Text

Temporary

Summary:

Everyone's always left Jaskier, he's come to expect it. After all, he was temporary, forgettable. Until Geralt comes back. Until Geralt seems bent on proving him wrong.

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Julian and his parents were never that close.

They weren’t really invested in him if he was being honest.

Well, maybe they were. They were invested in his academic grades and his ‘upbringing’, which for them consisted of learning how to hunt pheasants and which fork to use.

Other than that, Julian was pretty much left alone with no one but his nanny to keep him company. He liked her. She’d sing for him and tuck him in at night with a kiss.

When he was 7 he figured out that she was being paid to care for him so he closed himself off even to her, hiding behind his blinding smiles.

His father wasn’t gentle with him and Julian tended to get in trouble. How else would an ignored child get any sort of attention? Turns out that the Earl of Lettenhove was more invested in the dignity of the Lettenhove name than he was in ignoring his son. So Julian got what he wanted…in a way. It’s sickeningly clichéd, isn’t it?

Eventually his parents didn’t know what to do with him so they sent him off to boarding school.

Julian learned how to be charismatic, how to become popular among his peers and earn ‘friends’. All fleeting relationships, never lasting long, never slipping past his mask of smiles. Unfortunately, that did not stop him from getting into trouble, nor did it keep him interested in his studies.

He remembered one particular professor. He was a wizard with a cane. He knew exactly where to strike to make it the most painful. “No tears.” He used to say and Julian was forced to swallow them down. After a while he learned how to be an academic.

His love for poetry came as a surprise. He’d only started liking it when he was 19. It was also when he’d met the Countess de Stael. Once she’d stepped into his life, poetry had poured out of him. He’d forgo sleep in favour of letting the words slip onto the pages before him. She loved it at the time.

And then she left.

And so Julian had carried on with his studies, allowing his broken heart to write the most beautiful sonnets and ballads.

And then Julian had left. And he’d changed his name. He changed it to Jaskier. Buttercup. Beautiful, bright and yellow. Small, delicate and smooth to the touch.

Buttercup. A weed.

Loosen the soil, yank at its base and pull it out. More room for better things now.

He’d fallen into many beds during his travels. Men, women, neither. Sometimes it was the Countess de Stael herself. He remembered most of their names. And when he didn’t, it was because he’d been blackout drunk. And even then, he’d remember things like the touch of their skin or the colour of their hair.

None lasted long. Many didn’t care to learn his name. He wasn’t hurt. He hadn’t expected anything more.

He wrote beautiful songs. People didn’t care to listen. So he wrote what was popular. He wrote of monsters and heroes and kings. He knew nothing of monsters and heroes and kings. His songs were bad. He wasn’t paid much.

Then he’d met Geralt of Rivia. Witcher. Monster Hunter. Emotionally constipated. Self loathing. Kind. Generous. Asshole. Utter and absolute asshole.

The love of Jaskier’s life.

Geralt had never shown Jaskier much outward affection. Jaskier had hoped that he cared though. He’d hoped that he wasn’t dispensable, forgettable. The Witcher, for all of his grumpiness, had provided food, had let the bard sleep in occasionally, had let him talk for hours on end, had made sure he was always safe and healthy. He had once even nursed Jaskier back to health after a particularly malicious cold that had left him numb and with a raging fever. Jaskier could even make out the faint whisper of worry in the Witcher’s golden eyes.

Geralt had also inspired him to write in a way he hadn’t known possible. Suddenly, the lyrics and notes were pouring out of him again. His pockets filled with coin. His stomach filled with food. His fame spread. His music was respected. People’s desire for him had grown. He was wanted. But never in the way that he needed.

People ignored him when he was with Geralt, their gaze slipping over him like water. He understood. It was hard to focus on a simple bard when a Witcher stood right beside him. And not just any Witcher. Geralt of Rivia. The White Wolf. A mass of muscles and sharp swords and white hair and amber eyes and gods, did Jaskier understand. He often found himself struggling to look away. And besides, he was used to not being seen, at least not being seen truly and wholly.

Then came the golden dragon and the witch and the mountain and -

“If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands.”

It seemed to be a common wish for anyone who’d met him.

Some of his relationships lasted a night, maybe a week, a month, maybe a little more.

With Geralt it had been 20 years. He’d cleaned his wounds, he’d bathed him, he’d learned to understand his grunts and the minute twists of his lips, he’d loved him with all that he had. 20 years. He still wasn’t enough. Jaskier wished he could blame the Witcher. But he’d seen him be kind, he’d seen him be gentle, he’d seen him be careful with his words. Perhaps Jaskier simply wasn’t enough. Maybe he wasn’t enough to warrant care.

Dispensable, forgettable, temporary. Fun while it lasted but not enough to love.

While Jaskier was an idealist, he’d always considered himself to be realistic about his own assets. He was attractive, he had great eyes and a great smile, he was a good dancer, he could write a hell of a song.

There was not much else.

He was annoying, too excitable, too greedy, he was interesting up to a point. He talked too much. He was too cocky. He was useless in a fight. He had a tendency to fool around with married people. He was unlovable.

Ah, yes, and he was dramatic. Overly dramatic.

Jaskier looked at himself in the mirror and smiled, big and bright.

Buttercup.

Weed.

Temporary.

“If life could give me one blessing -”

The smile didn’t waver.

Geralt had found him half a year later performing at a rather respectable inn. He had been singing one of his new songs. It wasn’t about Geralt. None of his new songs were. Not for lack of material though, he found he could write about the Witcher endlessly. Jaskier had believed himself adept at swallowing down pain. He was proven wrong.

“What can I do for you, Witcher?” He’d asked with a grin, hoping Geralt wouldn’t see through it.

“Nothing, Jaskier. I want nothing from you.” He’d responded and the bard felt his chest clench at that. Perhaps this meeting had simply been an accident. Geralt didn’t want anything to do with him. He should have been used to it.

“Ah, well then,” Jaskier said, turning around, finding he couldn’t stand to look into those amber eyes any longer, “see you around, Geralt.”

“No - Jaskier, please, wait,” the bard had ground to a halt at that, looking over his shoulder to see a pained expression on that beautiful face, “I - I’ve been looking for you.”

So, yes, Geralt had found him and not accidentally. He had been looking for him.

Jaskier didn’t know what to do with that information.

“I want to apologise.”

The smile finally slipped.

“You…you want to apologise?”

“Yes.” Came the response. Short. Fast. Without any room for doubt.

“Why?”

Geralt looked almost incredulous, almost confused. “Because I said terrible things to you.”

Jaskier furrowed his brows.

“So?” He couldn’t help but ask, not maliciously but entirely curiously.

“‘So?’ What do you mean ‘so’? Jaskier, I said things to you that I didn’t mean, things that I couldn’t stand you believing. I - Jaskier, you - you were there and I was angry and I lashed out.”

A beat of silence.

“After the mountain, I - I tried to be alone and I couldn’t stand it. Even…even before - we’d spend weeks apart but I still never felt as alone as I did after I said…what I said and I - I didn’t mean it and then I went to find Yennefer,”

Ah, Jaskier was an idiot. Add that to the list of flaws. Of course he wasn’t the first one to be sought out by the Witcher. Why would he be?

“Must have been a fun reunion.” Jaskier said, trying to inject some genuine sounding mirth into his voice and the smile that had reappeared. Geralt looked away.

“It wasn’t like that. Although we care for each other, we realised that that wasn’t what we wanted.”

Despite himself, Jaskier’s chest still tightened painfully. Hearing - hell, even seeing - how truly and deeply they cared for each other… His smile didn’t waver.

“Sorry about that.” Was all he could think to say.

“Stop it.”

Jaskier blinked.

“Stop what?”

“That smile. That smile you do when you don’t really want to be smiling. I’ve known you for 20 years, bard, I know which smiles are genuine.” Geralt sounded frustrated. Almost pained.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“For fuck’s sake, Jaskier. I know I fucked up. I know I did and you deserve to be angry at me but don’t give me that smile. I hate it. I hate that smile.” The Witcher took a step closer and the bard finally let his smile slip. It wasn’t his only mask. Geralt seemed to realise this too, still looking displeased.

“What do you want from me, Geralt?” Jaskier asked, the amusement gone from his voice, but he managed to keep it levelled, not betraying the tiredness behind it.

“I don’t want anything from you, Jaskier,” he paused for a moment. “What I wanted to say was that I talked to Yennefer and she helped me realise that I don’t want a life without you.”

It would’ve sounded romantic if Jaskier wasn’t certain that Geralt would never think of him like that.

“So you do want something from me. You want me to travel with you again.”

Geralt winced and after a moment said, “yes”.

“You hurt me.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m - I’m trying to make up for it.”

Jaskier was weak. Add that to the list. He was so fucking weak.

“Okay.”

After that, Geralt would eye the bard warily for a while, as if expecting him to reveal himself as some sort of shapeshifter, a doppler maybe. But Jaskier knew that the Witcher would smell anything like that a mile away so he didn’t really know why he kept glancing at him over the campfire.

Other than that, it seemed like things were back to normal.

Everything forgiven, nothing forgotten. Unfortunately.

Jaskier pushed that out of his mind and returned to his rambles and Witcher-themed ballads. After all, Geralt had said he’d missed him. Surely that had meant the whole ‘Jaskier experience’, prattling and all.

The bard still didn’t know how to comprehend that information. No one had ever missed him in his life. At least, not that he knew of. Maybe they missed how he made them feel, like when the Countess would moan “gods, I missed this,” as he’d trail kisses up her thighs. So no, he didn’t know what Geralt wanted but it was strange. The Witcher smiled at him more, talked to him more. Every time they separated for a time, Geralt would greet him with a small smile. It made the bard’s heart do things and it wasn’t fair.

Perhaps this was a punishment from some god or another, maybe destiny herself or karma. Maybe it was Jaskier’s punishment to have to endure a love for a man who would never reciprocate it, all the while being subjected to that same man openly stating that, yes, he wanted Jaskier around.

A few months later, Geralt had kissed him.

It was after a battle with a Leshy, half wildcat, half bear, with fangs and claws like knives, sharp and long enough to sever a man in half. Jaskier had gotten very close to being that man before Geralt had yanked it back by its tail, swinging his sword as it whirled around in fury. After the fight, the Witcher had surged over to Jaskier, arm bleeding and eyes searching.

“Are you hurt?” He asked, voice gruff. His hands were running over the bard’s body, checking for injuries.

“No.” Jaskier managed to choke out, trying to ignore the feeling of Geralt’s hands skimming over his hips. “But you are. Let me check that arm.” He said, reaching for the Witcher’s bleeding bicep. A hand snapped up and grabbed his wrist, bringing it back down to his side.

“You got too close.” He rumbled, taking a step closer so that he was practically pressing the bard up against the tree behind him. Jaskier swallowed.

“I know. Sorry.” He let out a shaky breath as he noticed those golden eyes sliding down to his lips. Geralt growled and pressed their lips together, one hand behind Jaskier’s head, the other still gripping his wrist. Jaskier was quick to reciprocate, tangling his fingers in the Witcher’s snowy hair and opening his mouth willingly.

Their kiss was all tongues and teeth and sucking and biting. Their sex was much the same. Jaskier knew it was adrenaline and he knew it was just physical, but he couldn’t stop from smiling the next morning, for once waking before the other man. Geralt’s injured arm was wrapped around Jaskier’s waist, the wound already mostly healed. The bard found himself tracing the outline of Geralt’s cheekbone, his jawline, his thumb running over his lips. He had never known the Witcher to sleep so deeply that a touch would not wake him.

He didn’t know whether this was a one time thing but he was grateful it had happened. Even if he only got to taste the man once, he would find a way to make it be enough.

After a while, Jaskier got up and wet a small rag, cleaning himself before rinsing it and beginning to clean the Witcher, it was nothing he hadn’t already seen, some of it he’d even helped wash before. They were still sticky from the night before and they were nowhere near any lakes or rivers. Geralt woke to Jaskier running the cloth across his thigh.

“Sorry, I thought it would be nice to wake up not so icky.” The bard said, pulling his hand away.

Geralt grabbed Jaskier’s hand, “I like it.”

Jaskier smiled and looked away, missing the way his favourite pair of golden eyes lit up at the sight.

“Well, I’m not about to miss my chance at touching that body again.” He said with a whistle. Geralt laughed at that and pulled the bard down, pressing a kiss to his lips that threatened to burst Jaskier’s chest with affection.

The Witcher’s gaze was soft for the rest of the morning.

They’d fall into bed multiple times again. Sometimes it was rough and fast and adrenaline-hazed. Sometimes it was soft and gentle and it left Jaskier feeling heady, his head filling with sweet honey as Geralt’s fingers worked wonders.

It was hard for him not to get attached even more. He knew he shouldn’t. He wouldn’t allow himself to believe that Geralt cared for him romantically. He wouldn’t put his heart through that. Still, it was hard.

So one evening, when a particularly brave woman had chosen to flirt with the Witcher, all but offering herself up on a platter, Geralt had looked to Jaskier with a look in his eye.

“It’s okay, Geralt.” He’d reassured him from the seat across the table, he smiled and Geralt frowned before rejecting the woman bluntly. Jaskier felt a sigh of relief building in his throat as the woman sauntered away.

“What did you mean ‘it’s okay’?” Geralt asked, turning to him with stiff shoulders. Jaskier froze. Was he really going to make him say it aloud?

“I - I mean, it’s okay if you want to sleep with other people, you don’t have to worry about me.” You don’t have to worry about me trying to stop you, about me being hurt.

“What - Jaskier -,” The Witcher struggled for a moment before taking a breath, “is this just about sex for you?”

Jaskier definitely wasn’t expecting that.

“I…is it for you?” He asked. It was a coward’s response. Had he already put that on the list? Add cowardly to the list. Geralt was quiet and Jaskier could feel his heart beating in his throat as those amber eyes searched his.

“No.”

He thinks he might have misheard.

“What?”

“It’s not just about sex for me and if it is for you then we should stop.”

Jaskier’s mouth was open, trying to find a response. He knew what he wanted to say but a declaration of love was probably not what the Witcher wanted.

“I love you, Jaskier.” Geralt said, his face pinched.

Huh.

“I know you don’t want me like that,” Geralt continued, his gaze still on Jaskier’s, “you of all people have seen the worst of me and I wouldn’t blame you for not being able to stomach romance with a Witcher,” the way he said that word made his chest clench, “but I can’t keep doing this, Jaskier.”

Since when had Geralt ever been more eloquent than his bard?

“You think I don’t love you?” Jaskier’s voice came out quiet, hesitant, incredulous. Geralt’s eyes looked wary.

“You -“

“Geralt, how can I not fucking love you? I’ve spent 20 years loving you. Fuck - it - it hurts how much I love you.”

Because it did. Every time Geralt smiled at him or teased him or tied his hair back in the morning, it was like a blow to Jaskier’s chest, but he’d gotten good at swallowing pain, swallowing tears.

He could tell Geralt was still disbelieving and fuck - he knew that the man’s self-loathing ran deep and he couldn’t help himself from saying; “Geralt, you are the best man I’ve ever known and it frustrates me to no end that you don’t see it.”

Geralt was watching him, scanning his face, his eyes, looking for something.

“Then why - why do you hide yourself from me?” He asked, frustrated, “You - you do this smile that - it’s not you, it’s not your smile. There’s this look in your eyes sometimes. It’s like a wall and I hate that you need to hide from me.”

Jaskier’s hand shot out to grab Geralt’s, trying to comfort him. The Witcher had never been big on affection in public but he let his hand be taken by the bard.

“It’s not you, Geralt, I don’t blame you. It’s - it’s not love…what you feel for me.” Jaskier smiled sadly, his years of practice swallowing down tears being put to use. “It’s not love. You’ll get bored of me soon. I’m not permanent. I’m - I’m a fleeting fancy. And that’s okay.”

“You - I - what?” Geralt asked, looking so completely confused that it was almost comical. “Fuck. We’re not talking about this here.” He said, standing up and dragging Jaskier up through the inn and into their shared room. “Now,” the Witcher growled, whirling on the bard and grabbing him by his shirt, “what the fuck did you just say.”

Geralt didn’t scare Jaskier. He could never scare him, but the bard’s eyes were wide as he looked at Geralt’s furious expression.

“I - I don’t know how to say it, Geralt, I - no one’s ever wanted me before, not in a way that matters.” He managed to choke out, his vision turning blurry. Fuck, he thought he’d gotten good at swallowing down tears but Geralt had yet again proven him wrong.

“Who told you that?” He asked furiously.

“No one,” Jaskier responded, pushing Geralt away and scrubbing at his cheeks fiercely, “no one had to. I know, okay? I know.” The Witcher snarled.

“You know nothing, bard, if you don’t know that I love you.”

“Stop it, Geralt.”

“No.”

“I can’t do this if you’re just going to leave me.”

Jaskier froze and a silence passed. His breath was shaking from barely restrained tears.

“I can’t do this, Geralt,” he continued in a quiet voice, “not if you find someone better and leave me. I - I don’t know what I’d do. Everyone I’ve ever known has either left me or grown tired of me. It’s not a pattern that’s going to end with you. I - I don’t think I could take it if you left me again.”

Geralt’s gaze was soft, pitying. Jaskier was pitiful, add that to the list.

“I’ve known you for over 20 years and I have not grown tired.”

“What is 20 years to a Witcher? And even so, you did, you did grow tired of me.”

‘If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands.’

“I didn’t grow tired of you. I grew tired of myself and my ability to fuck everything up.” Geralt said softly, “And I did, I fucked it up.”

“Geralt, it’s not love.”

“Stop saying that.”

“It’s not.”

Geralt snarled and pushed Jaskier up against the wall, leaning in close so that Jaskier had nowhere to look except for those golden eyes. Those disarmingly honest, golden eyes.

“Listen to me, Jaskier, I love you.”

Jaskier wouldn’t cry. He swallowed down a shaky breath.

“I’m irritating.”

“You are.”

“I talk too much.”

“You do. I like it.”

“I’m greedy.”

“You enjoy finery. It’s not the same.”

“I’m arrogant.”

“Clearly you’re not.”

“I can’t fight. I’m a coward.”

“You’re one of the bravest men I know. To the point of recklessness, it worries me.”

“It does?”

“It does.”

Geralt’s lips were grazing over his now, teasingly. Jaskier smiled, genuinely. Geralt smiled right back.

“You love me?” He asked, voice breaking.

“I do.”

And Jaskier cried, finally.

Jaskier cried and laughed and kissed Geralt. It was bad. It was wet and sloppy and he loved it. And Geralt loved it too. Because he loved him. Jaskier. He loved him.

Then Geralt had dragged him to bed, whispering praise into his skin as if hoping it would soak through him and settle in his bones. Jaskier had done the same because fuck, he was in love and it was dizzying.

“You know,” Jaskier began the next morning, earning a grunt from the Witcher laying under him, “I think last night was the longest I’ve ever heard you speak.” The chest beneath the bard’s head rumbled with a laugh.

“Fuck off.”

“I guess I just bring it out of you, Witcher.” Jaskier continued, grinning devilishly.

“I will kick you out of this bed, bard.”

“Please, I dare you to try and rip me off of you. I have melded my body onto yours.”

Geralt simply grumbled in response. It was a grumble of acceptance, Jaskier could tell. He could always tell.

They ran into Yennefer two months later and Jaskier found that he wasn’t concerned. He wasn’t worried Geralt would return to her. Partly because when she spotted them the first thing out of her mouth was;

“Finally. For Melitele’s sake, that took much too long.”

Geralt had looked at her with a pointedly unamused gaze which she’d returned with a wink.

Later, after they had helped her with a monster-slaying job so she could collect some sort of venom, the three had shared drinks.

“I take full credit for this, by the way.” She’d said, gesturing to the two of them and the arm wrapped around Jaskier’s waist.

“In what way is this your doing?” Jaskier had asked.

“I’m the one who told him to tell you how he felt.”

“Which he did months after he’d found me.”

“Is his lack of communication skills my fault?”

“If he didn’t do it when you told him to then it doesn’t count.”

“Fuck off, it counts.”

“It most certainly does not.”

Geralt took a sip of his ale as the two continued to bicker.

Not long after, Yennefer had decided to join them - “graced” them with her presence as she’d put it. Jaskier could tell that Geralt and the sorceress still cared for each other deeply. He couldn’t really talk though, he’d found himself caring for her as well. When she’d called him her “friend” he had practically glowed. Then Ciri had barrelled into their lives and their little circle had grown and gods, did he love that little girl.

“Where are your parents, Jaskier?” She had once asked as he was soothing her back to sleep after a nightmare. It was always Cintra burning, Jaskier ached for her. She was too young for all of this.

“I don’t know, honey, I haven’t spoken to them for years.”

“Why not?”

“We were never really a family.”

Ciri paused before smiling widely.

“But you have a family now.”

Jaskier smiled back, brushing the hair out of her face and listening to the sounds of Yennefer sleeping soundly and Geralt mumbling something to Roach.

“I do.”

#not sure im happy with this #my rambles #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geralt of rivia #geraskier #geraskier fic #geraskier fanfiction #angst #the witcher #the witcher fic #fanfic #fic written

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dowoonie-namjoonie · 4 years

Text

Day6 Finding Out You’re Pregnant

A/N: I don’t own these gifs, this is all just for fun, please enjoy. Also, fellow mydays I know I’m loyal to Sungjin...but Wonpil! He’s sooooo cute, alright thanks for listening to my ted talk read on!

Sungjin

Everything seemed normal today, finally Sungjin had a night off from work, so he decided to spend the whole day with you. It was a wonderful surprise, usually your husband would spend 24/7 writing and composing songs for the planned comeback, but today he was chill. Half the day both of you went to the mall, Sungjin got you some new heels for a formal dinner a few nights away, then he got both of you some well deserved ice cream, but at the end of the day was spent on the couch. On the couch, cuddling together which you both rarely did, watching a romantic comedy. It seemed Sungjin really wanted to spoil you today with things you liked.

Your belly was full from just eating a delicious dinner, so when your stomach began to twist in pain you just assumed it was gas or something. Then, half way through the movie, the pain started to grow. It didn’t feel like gas anymore, instead you felt like throwing up the pork you had just eaten.

“You okay,” Sungjin asked, concerned that he was making you uncomfortable. He noticed awhile ago that you were moving around a lot, an uncomfortable look plastered on your face.

“Yea, um...just feeling a bit...-blerg!”

Quickly, you covered your mouth as you felt bile rise up your throat. Flying off the couch you made your way to the bathroom, begrudgingly filling up the toilet with vomit. Sungjin followed close behind, even holding your hair.

“Dear god,” you whined, sinking against the wall next to the toilet.

“Honey,” Sungjin cooed, stroking the back of your head with comfort. “Are you not feeling well?”

“I guess...,” you started, confused on why you randomly you just got sick. That’s when it hit you, lately you’ve gained weight but you assumed it was your increase in appetite, piecing it together your realized you’re late. “Oh my god!” You squealed, covering your mouth with the thought you’ve just had.

“What is it,” Sungjin asked, kneeling down in front of you. He took your face into his hands, worried that there was something wrong with you, it was clear on his face.

“Honey,” you smiled, putting a hand on top of his, rubbing it gently. “I think I’m pregnant.”

“What?” Sungjin’s reaction was monotoned like you’d expected. His eyes were wide with shock as he searched your face trying to see if you’re lying or not. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, yes! My periods late, I’m gaining weight, my feet are swelling, now this...”

“I um,” he let go of you, shocked at the sudden news. “I guess you’re right.”

“Honey,” you crawled over to him, grasping his arm to see if he was mentally okay. “Are...are you okay?”

“Of course,” he sighed with content, the news just hitting him. A bright smile washed over him, “I’m gonna be a dad!”

Jae

It was perceived that Jae didn’t want kids, so as you held the positive pregnancy test in your hands you didn’t know how you were going to tell him. Jae and you have been dating for three years now, everything was going great for both of you. At some point you’d even expect a ring on your finger. But now that you’re pregnant, you’re not sure who happy Jae would.

You sat on the cool tile of your bathroom floor, millions thoughts running through your mind. This was the last thing you needed right now, Jaw as going to be home any minute now, tired from another day of work.

Right on cue, Jae shimmied the front doors lock, your body tensed as you heard the echo from the bathroom.

“Babe,” he yelled, kicking off his shoes in the outcove at the front door. “I’m home.”

Going further into the shared house he didn’t see you anywhere, instantly growing confused at where you could be. Did you go out and you just forgot to mention it to him? Wouldn’t be the first time.

“Babe?” Jae noticed the shut bathroom door, which was never shut. It was a system you both had, leaving the door open met it wasn’t occupied or smelly to go in. Softly, he knocked at the door, slightly you flinched at the action. “Are you in there?”

“Y-Yea,” you stuttered, trying to not put him off or give any indication you weren’t okay. Jae knew better, he could hear in your voice that cracked tone you had when you were crying.

“Why are you crying,” he asked, a reassuring smile on his face. Even though you couldn’t see it, it still gave the same effect on you. “Can I come in?”

Gosh, you so desperately wanted to say no, pick yourself up, and pretend that nothing ever happened. But, that wasn’t fair to Jae. Gently, you pushed yourself off the ground, placing the pregnancy test on the sinks counter, then unlocking the door without a word. Instantly Jae came through the door, he was right, you were crying over the sink trying to hide your face from him. You hated when he saw you like this.

“Babe,” he cooed, coming over to you at the sink. “What’s going on, do you wanna talk about it-What’s that?”

You placed the test on the sink so he’d have access to it. It was another form of not telling him yourself, rather you’d want the test to tell him. “Is that a...pregnancy test?” Jae picked it up, with cation of course, he knew you had peed on it already. Refusing to meet his face, you didn’t quite see his reaction at first. “Two lines means?”

“It’s positive, I’m preg-pregnant Jae,” you muttered, head still down faced to the sink.

“Ok...,” he dragged out, placing the test down back on the sink. Turning his attention on you which, mind you, was needed greatly. Jae went up behind you, placing his head on top of yours since you were much smaller than he, his arms wrapped around your waist a comfortable warmth rushing through you. “Everything’s going to be okay,” he tried calming you down, holding onto you tightly.

Jae may have not known why you were crying, but he thought it was better not to pry the answer out of you. “Well, we’re going to have a baby,” he started, rubbing your tummy lightly. “Guess we should finally get married too. What do you say?”

Younghyun

Younghyun and you have been trying to get pregnant for awhile. Both of you have been married for four years now, with no luck of children your way. Nothing you did got you pregnant, but it seems luck struck the both of you. You had been late this month so you were suspicious that you might be with child. While Younghyun was at work you went to a local pharmacy, grabbing a pregnancy test off the shelves. Long story short, the pregnancy test was positive, and you’ve never been happier.

You made the most over dramatic plan you could to tell Younghyun, your idea fell on a gift to give him. With haste, you ran to the store grabbing all the things you needed to make this “gift”.

After that, you put all of it together, placing it into a polka dot bag. Due to your excitement, you decided to go to his work than wait for him to come home. You took a bus there since he was using the car, the whole time your leg shook with anticipation as you held onto the gift sercurly.

When you got to the front desk of his studio you asked the woman there for Mr. Kang Younghyun. She instantly recognized you, this wasn’t the first time you’ve been to his office, sometimes you’d come over to eat lunch with him.

Anyway, the woman gave you a visitors pass, so you walked to his office. Opening up the door to reveal Younghyun, you could only assume he was composing a song at the current moment. He sat in his seat, playing the bass and every so often writing down what he played on a sheet in front of him. He was so entranced that he didn’t even notice your arrival.

“Brian,” you raised your voice, grabbing his attention. Your husband was shocked to see you since this was a surprise visit.

“Love,” he wholeheartedly smiled at you, glad to see his beautiful wife. Just who he wanted to see since he was having a hard time with the song he’s writing. “What are you doing here?”

Younghyun went over to you, yanking you into a soft, chaste kiss. He wrapped his arms around your waist holding you close, you would do the same except you had a gift in your hand. “I was in the neighborhood,” you joked, pecking his lips once more. Even if you are married to him, no matter how much you kiss you still get flustered by it.

“Oh really?”

“Yes, and I decided I wanted to give a gift to my loving husband.”

Younghyun’s eyes glowed with admiration as you held the present up to his face. You were just the best, in his time a need you came to make him feel better.

“What’s the occasion,” he let go of you so he could open the present with more room.

“Nothing,” you bit your lip, lying of course, but you wanted him to figure it out himself. Younghyun discarded the bag pulling out a jar of-

“Pasta sauce?”

He looked confused rightfully so, you saw not to long ago a pregnancy surprise with Prego sauce.

“Not just any sauce,” you smiled, inching him to figure out what you were doing.

“Now with...10% more cheese,” he laughed, reading the jars facts.

“No,” you whined, walking over to him. “What’s the name of the sauce?”

“Prego,” he looked at you, really trying to figure out why pasta sauce was his gift. He didn’t even like red sauce that much.

“Jesus Bri, I’m pregnant! Prego-pregnant! Get it!”

“Love,” he dropped the sauce, thankfully he didn’t break it. He grabbed you hard, giving you a bear hug, littering your face with kisses. “Are you actually? Is this a joke?! This would be a mean joke?!”

You shook your head, laughing at how anxious he seemed. But man, was he so ecstatic about a baby. “I can’t wait to meet her,” he calmed down, placing a hand on your flat stomach. For a moment he imagined you with a big pregnant belly, you were his life and so was this baby.

“Oh,” you giggled, kissing his cheek lightly. “What makes you think it won’t be a boy?”

“Oh, I just know. Ah...” he sighed, pulling you into a more gentle hug this time. “We’re having a baby...”

Wonpil

You found out this morning you were pregnant, expertly hiding it from Wonpil through out the whole day. You wanted to tell him in a different way, so most of the time you spent today was on unique ways to announce it.

Two months ago, you and Wonpil finally got hitched. The wedding was grand and the honeymoon even grander. Wonpil knew how to make you feel special without a doubt. Of course, you hadn’t expected to get pregnant so quickly, but that’s because of the lack of protection (if you catch my drift).

At the end of the night, Wonpil decided he wanted to shave his face. More like he needed to, his stubble was poking through and JYP wasn’t exactly a fan of that look. They always made him shave it, not that you minded.

As he was getting rid of his facial hair, you snuck past him into the bathroom with a blue, dry erase marker in your hand.

“Oh, Y/N,” he looked at your through the mirror as you stood behind him. Bouncing on your heels in excitement. “Do you have to go to the bathroom or something...don’t worry I won’t look.”

Even though you and Wonpil are married now, he still get’s shy and blushy about certain things. “Actually babe,” you started, uncapping the marker. “Can you solve this riddle for me?”

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now.”

“Ok,” he smiled, face lathered up with shaving cream, but he stopped just for you.

With the marker you drew on the mirror, the first thing you wrote was “there’s”. Wonpil raised a brow, but let you continue, then you wrote a “a me.”

“There’s a me?”

“Not done yet,” you muttered, writing the word “baby” right in the gap in the E.

Wonpil questioned the riddle, reading it in his head trying to decipher.

“Read it outloud, that might help,” you giggled at how cute Wonpil looked when he was thinking. He bit his lip in frustration, sorta mad at himself that he couldn’t figure it out.

“There’s a me baby? There’s a me...”

“Where’s the baby?” You asked, leaning against the wall.

“In me,” he questioned again. “There’s a baby...in me...There’s a baby in me? Is that the riddle?”

“Think about it,” you simply said, Wonpil looking at you without a clue in the world.

Then it clicked.

“OH, you’re serious! There’s a baby in you,” he exclaimed, grabbing your hand. You shook your head vigorously, smiling at the sudden enjoyment. “I can’t believe your pregnant! I would kiss you right now, but I don’t wanna get shaving cream on your face!”

Dowoon

This was all Dowoon actually, he started to have his suspicion about you being pregnant when you ate a whole jar of banana peppers. You hated spicy food so seeing you randomly craving a whole jar of it was a odd thing to see. Dowoon, this sweet man, didn’t want to freak you out and force you to take a test. After all, this was all so sudden for him too.

Dowoon proposed to you a few weeks ago, he’d always said he wanted to get married at the age thirty, but he decided to break that rule just for you. There was no doubt in your mind, this was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Now you weren’t even married and expecting a child. It may sound selfish, but he just needed to know.

After practice, Dowoon had gone to a convenience store, buying the most expensive test off the walls. He wanted the results to be the best they could be. He had to admit though, it made him red in the ears while trying to figure out what test was best.

When he got home, he was met with you standing directly in the doorway waiting for him to come home. Lately, you’ve been more clingy with him, it was definitely a new feeling to have you attached to the hip. A few days into the clinginess he started to get used to it, gladly accepting the spontaneous need to cuddle.

“How was work Dowoonie,” you held your arms out, expecting him to whisk into a hug with you. Dowoon, instead, stood there with a freaked out look on his face.

“Was work bad?”

“Um...it was fine, but-Y/N, I need you to do something for me.”

“Alright,” you spoke suspiciously. Taking into notice how fidgety he looked, nonetheless he held out the plastic bag in his hand. Confused, you took the bag, opening it up to a pink box. “A pregnancy test? What’s this about?”

“You’ve been acting different lately, not a bad different but...different. I think you might be...you know, pregnant.”

“Does that freak you out,” you asked, gulping afraid to hear a negative response.

“Yes-I mean no...I don’t know! Are we really ready to have a baby?”

“Well...is anyone really read to have a baby?”

Lovingly, you took his hand, interlocking your fingers with him rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb. “I might...have some news for you then?”

“Oh?”

“I may have already taken a test...and I may have already known I was pregnant for a day or two.”

“What!” Dowoon looked shocked, a look a disbelief riddled his face. Hey, you felt very guilty that you hid this from him, but come on! This was a hard thing to talk about in general. “You didn’t tell me?”

“I tried,” you sighed, rubbing your temples with one hand. Dowoon obviously looked upset which broke your heart, the last thing you wanted to do was hurt him. “Don’t be mad.” Cooing to him, pulling his arm gently, placing your head into his chest wrapping your small arms around his frame.

“I’m...I’m not,” he muttered out, giving up and putting his hand in your hair. Softly, running his hands through it.

“We may not be ready,” you started, squeezing him lightly. “But we need to try, for our baby.”

#day6 #day6 fanfic #day6 imagines #day6 network #day6 dowoon #day6 wonpil #day6 brian #day6 younghyun #day6 young k #young k #day6 jaehyung #day6 jae #jae #jaehyung #day6 sungjin #sungjin #wonpil #dowoon #pregnancy

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