#also. * woman = approximate at best lmao

[microsuedemouse]

I was working on self-checkout today and like. our new machines suck in the sense that they are extremely unintuitive and whoever is the attendant spends their entire shift teaching customers how to use the damn things bc there are no on-screen instructions to speak of

and today I learned the real victim of this poor UI design, even more than us, the aforementioned attendants: the probably-sixteen-year-old boy just trying to buy some goddamn condoms in peace before rejoining the buddy he’s in the store with.

now. to his credit, he was extremely chill about it when I approached to give him a hand. he shrugged and looked at me and said, “I am bamboozled.” he thanked me without embarrassment for my assistance, and in fact even gave me a wave and called out his thanks a second time later when he and his friend walked past. absolute champ, imo.

but still. many guys in his shoes would have been understandably mortified. a high school boy should be allowed the dignity of purchasing his condoms with some privacy, and without needing an exhausted and harried-looking 28-year-old woman* to come over and dismiss the self-checkout’s mysterious and unknowable complaint messages for him. jfc.

[skydigiblogs]

back on my bullshit (thinking about translation theory in the context of my silly little monster cartoons <3)

(this ended up so so fucking long so i put it under a read more lmao)

specifically thinking about it in the context of like a handful of world/postcolonial lit courses we took and some anth courses

what i mean by that is like

when it comes to just literature there are already so many things that have to be taken into account for translation! let's say you're taking a poem. in its native language, that poem has a sound, a rhythm, a way of communicating that a lot of poetry in a lot of languages do. when you translate it to another language, like english, are you going to translate in a way that preserves the meaning most, or a way that attempts to approximate the meaning while preserving the synesthetic qualities of its sounds?

the homeric epics are a really fun example for comparative translation analysis imo. and i mean fun because there are so many translations of them into english, and at least one madlad decided to make a prose translation of an epic poem. only recently did the first translation of the poem by a woman get published, and that revealed that a lot of biases in the linguistic nuance were kind of getting smoothed over like a crease in clay.

(i have a copy of emily wilson's translation but am not the guy who reads classics in our system, i just write the essays lmao. but she wrote multiple times about the theory of translation she was working with and if you're at all interested in this topic, look her up.)

but even if you aren't translating a text from antiquity and are, say, working with a more contemporary example of literary translation, you still have to bridge the gap between two cultures that may be very different. just a word for word translation may not work too, because figurative language like idioms might not be understood by the language you're translating to.

the amount of cultural knowledge required to sculpt a truly effective translation that preserves the image of the original while making it comprehensible to an otherwise ignorant audience is just. so cool to me. i say this as someone who could never really do translation work myself, on account of not having that kind of complex grasp on another language than my native one, of course, but you don't have to be fluently billingual to understand what i'm talking about here, imo.

another example, and one that i actually wrote comparative analysis on, is work from charles baudelaire's les fleurs du mal ("the flowers of evil"). works of short poetry are effective case studies in what different translations can look like, because translations of baudelaire's poetry still portray the subject matter in a way that is presumably true to the original french. while something may always be lost in translation (there's a saying for a reason there), the philosophy behind one's translation can also highlight one's own reading of a text, and offer a closer insight into said text for foreign audiences (me, it's me, i'm the foreign audience reading charles baudelaire in world lit and going absolutely insane about translation theory).

for my mileage, you end up seeing a paradigm between translations that span between "strict" and "loose," if that makes any sense. a strict translation makes no changes in its translation, preserving the literature in its entirety as it is translated, to the best approximation possible where a direct translation is impossible. a loose translation meanwhile may make more artistic choices in its translation, foregoing certain details in order to better articulate the artistry in the original work.

okay, now, the reason i'm thinking about this today, right now.

in literature this is already a complex subject, but when you get into other forms of art, like animation in the case of this blogs primary topic, there become a lot more moving parts. like with literature, there's going to be the simple fact of looking into a cultural window and trying to communicate that snapshot to foreigners.

with subtitling, you can add things like translator's notes. this is a non-diegetic method of communicating information to your audience, and you can see it present in literature as well (footnotes or endnotes are a frequent addition to many translated works; hell, they're common even in non-translated works). in animated works where there are vocal tracks (like anime openings or insert songs), you can also have subtitles for those, no problem!

however, when it comes to dubbing, you automatically include more elements to juggle in your translation work. you have to take into account individual voice, background tracks, visuals, etc. etc.. the method most dubs handle translating the work often discourages non-diegetic methods of communicating information, so you're less likely to see translator's notes in dub work. sometimes this even includes changing on-screen text so that a foreign audience can read it.

the lengths to which a dubbing company is willing to censor in translation is also, obviously, a conversation worth noting (see again my losing my shit at pinnochimon packing heat). a phenomenon i'm sure we've all noticed when it comes to dubbing (as opposed to most translations of literature i've seen) is that dubs may market to a specific age range in translation. sometimes that may end up defanging a work's themes, or changing them entirely. the censorship of a dub may come out of a cultural difference or hesitance to show certain subjects to a younger audience, but regardless it is part of the theory behind some dub work.

i don't really have a conclusion to this, but it's just in my mind a lot while i'm watching some of these series for the first time subbed. by all means, i don't think dubbing is a bad thing (if anything it's complex), but having the experience of watching the sub is allowing me to do a type of comparative analysis i don't think i've ever had the chance to actively do.

i know that there are folks who have done more thorough comparative analysis work than i'll probably end up doing, of course (there are so many wonderful blogs here on tumblr alone about that meta-analysis). it's just that i'm enjoying engaging with a childhood interest in a way that i suppose i didn't know i wanted to do so badly.

[magpiemalarkey]

Got a couple of questions from the Artist Ask Game I reblogged a bit ago from someone who asked to be anon-ized! (So, if you're shy, that is an option! I'll still know who you are, but the world doesn't have to.)

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by.

I feel like maybe I'm lucky that this hasn't happened in awhile or in ways that bothered me often, haha! But back in college I remember getting pretty salty about this happening once and so that stuck with me. During constructive criticism time, someone's sole comment on my work for one assignment was that it looked Tim Burton-y.

In that it had goth theme matter and some stripes and some lurid colors, sure, I guess? If Burton was your only other exposure to spooky themed art by nerdy goths. In an animation-related class in art school. I think Burton and I shared some inspirational overlaps in a fondness for German Expressionism and 1960's Hammer films, but stylistically, Burton's aesthetic tends to play with odd proportions and distorted forms far more than my work did (or does). If I had been drawing inspiration from Burton and had intended to do a Burton-esque piece, I would have tried to include those traits and not stuck with an approximation of my own style and a late 60s/early 70's palette.

Also, as constructive criticism, this was not helpful. It was clear from the tone that she was dismissive of my piece based on it's "Burton-esque" qualities, but she didn't come out and say anything useful. Did she hate Burton, but begrudgingly agree that Technicolor goth was working for my spooky scene? Did she think this perceived Burton-esque style was holding back my piece? Impossible to tell.

I managed to dig up the file, but given that this was for a class in Illustrator and Flash (neither of which I ever got comfortable or good at using, lmao) and I don't have either of those programs now, it got a little mangled when I asked Photoshop to open it. But I think we can all agree: not particularly Tim Burton-y!

(please don't ever ask me to use Illustrator or Flash again. I will cry. the only part I enjoyed about this project was picking music and sound effects...and jumpscaring my class at 9am in the morning.)

26. What’s a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended.

Hmm...again a benefit of being relatively obscure on the internet means that I rarely get people projecting wildly on my art. And also, if it matters how things are interpreted, I will usually include that in my comments or descriptions below a piece. I'm sure it's happened! But apparently I am less bothered by that than by uselessly-framed dubiously-constructive criticism comparing me to Tim Burton, so I recall nothing right now.

I'll pivot this to writing and tell you about the wildest feedback I ever got.

I took a short story writing class waaaaay back when I was in community college in my hometown. It was very much full of the community. Our big assignment was a short story which the class would read, write comments on, and discuss in class. I wrote a version of the fairy tale "The Fisherman and His Wife" about an aspiring artist with an ambitious wife. Rather than a fish, our protagonist meets a strange being in his dreams and helps this being out, because to the being, the dangers in dreams are real. In thanks, the being grants the artist inspiration and success in the real world. Like in the fairy tale this escalates and things get weirder and weirder in the dreamscape, until the mysterious being gets fed up and punishes the artist and his wife.

After class, one of my classmates, an older woman, approached me, convinced that I did "dreamwork" to have written of lucid dreaming and the weird symbolism of dreams so well. I tried my best to accept this as a compliment. But lady, where ever you are, I was and always have been just a weirdo who loves using dreams as an excuse to go wild with surreal almost-logic and weird descriptions and symbolic landscapes.

I think this was the first time in my life where I was really sharing work with strangers and having strangers come to conclusions about me based on my writing and so it felt and feels bigger than it is.

And while I'm not upset about this conclusion being drawn and can definitely understand that this lady was excited to discover I had written something that resonated so strongly with her passions that she assumed I shared them....it did feel kinda weird and put me in a weird position to have her approach me assuming I did dreamwork rather expressing that it reminded her of dreamwork and asking me if was into such things.

Heh, both of these questions kinda made me think of situations where people made an assumption about me and my work and acted on that, rather than leaving me any space to explain or discuss. Very....

Anyway! That was a lot of words! It turns out, I am very verbose! Feel free to scroll way back to the beginning to find that link to the Artist Ask Game to ask me more questions and see if I can stay on topic!

[let-us-meet-aga1n]

I'M BACK WITH: 100 questions about tremolo answered because he deserves more appreciation after the whole clover thing (#fuckyouclover)

part 1/2!!

1. Are they a man or a woman? man. the father figure, if you will

2. Do you know how old they are? If yes, what’s the age gap? he's in his mid 40s, i'm 15. approximately 30 years lmao

3. What subject do they teach? orchestraaaaa let's go

4. Do you like the subject they are teaching? if i didn't, i would not still be taking this class!! yes! i love orchestra! so much so that i want to be an orchestral composer! crazy right?

5. What are your grades like for their subject? he genuinely doesn't have the heart to give anyone below an a+ soooooo

6. What is your favorite assignment they’ve set so far? since he doesn't give out "assignments" per se, i'm gonna say a piece of music! dives and lazarus from northumbrian suite (ian david coleman) was the first thing that came to mind. sure, it was an easy piece, but god did it invoke emotion...

7. What is your least favorite assignment they’ve set so far? front porch jam. it's a fiddle piece with straight 16th notes for the 1sts (me) played at 140 and it's literally all over the place... WE'RE AN ORCHESTRA TREMOLO NO FIDDLES IN SIGHT HERE THEY'RE CALLED VIOLINSSSSSS

8. Do they set homework often? like, normal homework? no. he only ever does that when he's not there for the day. but but but, he does give us at least 3 new pieces every 9 weeks, and we have to learn them by the end of it, so he does expect us to practice.

9. Is your TC generally liked as a teacher by their students? yes!! everyone loves him because he's such a dad and very kind and approachable

10. Is your TC close to any other students? so, the kids younger than me? idk, but my orchestra from last year, there was only one other person he was close to, and that was a senior 'cellist who graduated to go study music, so, as far as i know, i'm the last survivor heheheheh

11. How often do you have them for lessons? every other day during the school year

12. How long have you been taught by them? since 5th grade! (11)

13. What do they look like? white, bald man. very long beard. basically think of a stereotypical middle aged white man dad, and boom that's my orch teacher.

14. Do you typically find people who look like your TC attractive? no, because i don't find middle aged men attractive, let alone my teachers 🥰 it's literally 100% platonic and in a "i wish he were my dad :(" kinda way

15. What is your favorite feature of theirs? i mean, i don't really pay attention to physical features, but he has green eyes and the only reason i know that is the unbelievably high amount of times i have tried to communicate through blinking to him.

16. What is their hair like? What color and style is it? bald. just bald. BUT HE DID HAVE A MULLET DURING COVID AHAHAHAHAHAH- dark dark dark brown hair. borderline black.

17. What is their eye color? a swampy kinda green, but like not brown enough to be hazel if you know what i mean.

18. What would you describe their body type as being? middle aged white man.

19. How would you describe their style? again, middle aged white man. EXCEPT HE DOES WEAR A BOW TIE ALL THE DAMN TIME AND BEFORE I KNEW WHO HE WAS I CALLED HIM MR. BOW TIE.

20. Are there any clothes you think they look their best in? idk i've only seen him in casual wear and formal wear because that's all he ever wears???? only reason i've seen him in casual wear is because of NASHVILLE YAHOO!!!!

21. Would they be considered by most people to be physically attractive? he's a middle aged white man. next question.

22. Do they have any tattoos which you know about? nope!

23. Do they have any piercings which you know about? also nope!

24. Do they have any scars which you know about? not that i know about, but i do suspect he has sh-ed in the past because he said, and i quote, it's a "very familiar thing" for him... 🤨 he did NOT report me though so xoxo for valuing my privacy and NOT telling people without me knowing (ahem CLOVER ahem (fuck you you could've at least told me you bitch))

25. Which is the most attractive to you, the way they look or who they are inside? INSIDE DUH IT'S PLATONIC‼️ I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH IT'S A PLATONIC TC!!

26. What is their teaching style? (Eg. Strict or caring) very, very caring. he's always been student first, school later.

27. Do you like their teaching style? yes!!! he's the best 🥺

28. How would you describe their personality? very calm. he's very chill and i'm surprised at the amount of patience he has.

29. Do you usually find people with their personality type attractive? in boys my own age? yes. in men his age? i find it endearing and funny in a way

30. Do other people like your TCs personality? yes! everyone loves mr. bow tie!!!!

31. What is their sense of humor like? Do you think they’re funny? dad humor if you made it more millennial. he knows too much tbh. like, we tried hiding a word meaning from him (BFFR) and he went "okay, since y'all won't tell me i'm looking it up on urban dictionary." AND THE ENTIRE CLASS SCREAMED "NOOOOOO"

32. If you could change one thing about your TC, what would it be? i would change him to be my dad. :/

33. What’s a song that always makes you think of them? hmmm good question! because you're here - hatsune miku

34. What was your first impression of them? he intimidated the shit out of me, and i could not tell you why. i just remember he wanted to hear us all play solo at least once, and he came to the seat next to mine to listen to me, and i was literally QUIVERING in fear and he goes "do i scare you? you're shaking a lot..." and my 6th grade ass goes "i'm not shaking!" and he grabs my hands and says "calm down... trust me, it's not that big of a deal. i'm not grading you for it, i just want to hear you play, okay?" and i was like "....fine."

35. How long did it take you to fall for your TC? Was it instant attraction or did it take you getting close to them to realize you had a crush on them? again, absolutely no romantic attraction to this man at all. but, PLATONICALLY, it was around 7th grade when things started to get rough, and i knew his class was a safe space, so i just had to get to the fine arts hall, and at the end of it, he was always there in the orchestra room. so it took around 2 years.

36. What happened to make you realize you had a crush on them? again, not romantically, platonically, BUT it was when i started opening up and being vulnerable with him. after siren, i hadn't been able to do that with ANYONE. and you know what? he didn't yell at me for being a human, he didn't criticize, and he didn't even take pity on me, which i appreciated. he sat and listened. that was all i ever wanted. he never betrayed that trust, and that's when i realized i looked up to him a lot.

37. When you first met them, could you have ever imagined that your feelings would become so deep? no lmao if i told 5th grade me that in the span of 4 years you'd be able to open up about things like suicide and self-harm to him, she would've dropped out of his class SO FAST.

38. Did you ever think you’d have a crush on a teacher? no because i still don't! xoxo 🥰

39. Have you ever had any TCs before? platonic? yes. romantic? never. never ever ever.

40. Do you know anyone else who has a crush on your TC? i mean his wife is the only one that likes him in THAT way does that count

41. Do you know their relationship status? Are they married, in a relationship or single? married with children! that's why he's such a dad... because he literally IS on e😭

42. If they’re married or in a relationship, does this bother you? NOT ONE BIT. AGAIN, 100% PLATONIC.

43. Do they have any children? yes! 2 or 3 i can't remember how many...

44. What do you think they’d be like as a parent? SOBBING THE BEST PARENT EVER HE SEEMS SO SUPPORTIVE AND DOWN TO EARTH AND SWEET AS A PARENT

45. Do they have any pets you know about? YES he has a dog

46. Are your feelings for your TC platonic or romantic? PLATONIC I CANNOT OVERSTATE THIS ENOUGH

47. How would you describe your feelings for your TC? 3 words: the father figure.

48. If you had the chance to marry them tomorrow, would you take it? absolutely not <3

49. If they weren’t your teacher and the same age as you, do you think you’d be dating them? idk if he was my age.... i might fall for the nerdy geeky orchestra kid lmao

[deadpoetsmuses]

"inspiration". | neil perry, dps.

in which a summer is spent with the poets, with a significant feature of neil perry.

✧ title: "inspiration".

✧ pairing: neil perry x fem!reader.

✧ genre: fluff, with slight mentions of angst.

✧ word count: 2,733.

✧ warnings: written in headcanon format, home life mentions, the reader lives in meeks' grandma's house, knox being a simp for chris.

✦ author’s note: requested by @mybabysweetascanbe! it's kinda funky how i wrote this as a headcanon but it still ended up being my longest fic lmao. also i wrote the poem that neil made for the reader myself so i'm sorry if it's kinda cheesy 🗿 but i hope you all enjoy this one !! don't forget to take care of yourselves guys <3

✎ The summer holidays had always been a time for the poets’ relief.

✎ Their academic year was constantly filled with difficulties for the poets, but it was harder for some when they were home for the summer.

✎ Neil felt as though he couldn’t be himself-- he loved reading and writing even more so than he did with accomplishing any of his parents’ wishes, like heading into medical school. He especially loved to act, and it was rough to keep that concealed around his dictatorial father.

✎ Todd’s older brother would be at home as well, and it was worse enough being in his shadow; but it had gotten worse with every one of his parents’ daily proclamations.

“We were quite disappointed with your grades from last semester, son,” His father reprimanded, looking down on him with stern eyes. “I just don’t understand what’s gotten into you. Your mother and I raised you quite well and you have your brother to guide you along. You know that he’s remarkably intelligent and well accomplished. Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

✎ Charlie and Knox had been just like Neil. The constant pressure that their parents put on them about becoming a banker and a lawyer was daunting; and all they wanted was to simply live as regular teenagers without concern for their future.

✎ Fortunately, Meeks’ grandmother was a woman who had a colossal and motherly love for the poets with a sizable residence in which her grandson’s friends could inhabit during their vacation.

✎ Thus, the poets resided in the Meeks household in the summer before their senior year so as to escape the stress and troubles brought to them in their own homes.

✎ Even though the summer was fleeting and their time was short, the poets found their time to be everlasting when they met the student boarder of the house.

✎ She went by the name of Y/N, which was a name that sounded just as sweet as the lady to whom it was attached.

“Hello, everybody! I’m Y/N!” The girl said, reaching out her hand to shake one of the poets’. Truth be told, it had been quite some time since any one of the boys had been in close contact with a woman; so they found themselves to be quite the martians in the situation. It took a few moments before one of the poets-- Neil Perry-- could offer his hand and shake hers. “I’m Neil! We’re friends of Meeks and his classmates from Welton.” The boy swore that he felt a spark as their fingertips touched, but he tossed the feeling aside; along with the apparition that he saw of a faint glimmer in Y/N’s eyes.

✎ The boys instantly took her in to their little group, and they all fell in love with her personality-- which was a platonic statement of course; but Neil Perry found this to be otherwise as he actually began falling into love with the new girl.

✎ He loved the way she cared for her new friends, the way she projected her personality through the clothes she wore, and all of the little smiles she gave him.

✎ With every beam and twinkle that she delivered, Y/N found herself to be falling for Neil as well.

✎ He provided a feeling for her that made the blacks of her eyes expand and butterflies to quiver inside-- which was the very same one Neil had felt when he first laid his eyes on her.

✎ She had been a fantastic addition to the band of poets, and the boys could not have had it any other way.

Despite the summer coming into fruition, the poets did not fail to meet up in their little cave every once in a while to read poetry, discuss girls, and laugh. The first meeting of that summer was simply like any other. “Guys, what do we think of Y/N?” Meeks questioned. A clamor of answers that ranged between “I think she’s great,” and “Do you think Mrs. Meeks has any more people in her house like Y/N?” echoed in the dark cave. Clearly, the boys had favored Y/N; but certainly not to the point where they’d be infatuated with her. “Yeah, I think she’s nice. She’s really pretty too,” Knox added. “Woah there Knoxious,” Charlie replied, expelling out a chortle. “I don’t think Chris would like to hear that. And besides, she looks more like she’s Neil’s type than yours.” Charlie’s words weren’t incorrect, but it was needless to say that Neil had strongly agreed with that statement.

✎ Over the summer, they would all begin to get to know each other better.

✎ The poets eventually introduced Y/N to the intricate realm of poetry, and she wholeheartedly fell in love with every line that was recited.

✎ They enjoyed every moment of their fleeting time together. Of course, there would be times where the boys would get into small fights and bickers.

✎ Pitts would always be yelling at Charlie for taking an ungodly amount of time in the shower, while Charlie would be yelling back about how Pitts always seemed to inhale the food that Mrs. Meeks provided for them before he himself could even take one bite.

✎ Cameron did his best to do some summer reading at night, but he found it quite hard as his room was beside Knox’s room, and Knox would spend hours on end talking to Chris over the phone.

“Oh, Chris. How do I love thee?” Knox sighed, lacing the telephone cords in between his fingers. “That’s the title of a poem we learned in Mr. Keating’s class. It reminds me of how lovely you are. Of course, she’s not as pretty as you are,” Knox’s giggles not only erupted through the phone; but it travelled through the walls as well, disrupting Cameron from the climax of his novel. “We get it, Knox! You’re a romantic poet! Now why don’t you go tell Chris about how you finished with a D minus in English!”

✎ While all of the little squabbles took place, they hadn’t even noticed the slight change in Neil and Y/N’s behavior.

✎ Y/N seemed to be keeping to herself more often, while Neil appeared to have possessed an undying smile on his face around the poets; particularly in the mornings when everyone gets up early except for him and Y/N.

✎ Little did they know, Y/N’s room had been vacant for the past few days since the arguments began-- which was approximately three weeks after the boys had arrived to the Meeks’ residence; and Neil seemed to be giggling in his room every night when the rest were asleep.

✎ In the duration of those three weeks, Neil had become more familiar with Y/N than any of the other poets had been.

✎ They’d walk along the nearby river every morning, discuss poetry in the late afternoons, and eventually fall asleep in each other’s arms at night.

“How long have you been living here?” Neil inquired, peering into Y/N’s eyes. His vision didn’t have to stretch too far as his face had only been a breath away from Y/N’s. The pair laid together under the warm covers of Neil’s bed with their legs entangled in one another’s and their hands interlocked, talking about anything and everything that came to their minds. “It’s been two years since Mrs. Meeks took me in,” She replied, gazing over Neil’s chiseled face. “In the whole time I’ve been here, I think you’re the most interesting thing that’s happened to me,” Y/N added, beaming up at Neil. Hearing her words, Neil slowly leaned his lips onto Y/N’s forehead, giving her an endearing kiss. She too had been the most interesting thing to happen to Neil in a long time.

✎ For each and every day that they were together, Neil wrote love poems.

✎ His poems revolved around his time with Y/N and included detail of all sorts; such as how colors appeared to be more bright and more vivid when he was with her and how lovelier the birds had sounded in the morning during their walks.

"My love,

The luminosity of the golden sun

does not compare to the radiance

of your glowing skin.

In this air full of morning dew,

the most beautiful scent in the air

is still you.

The sounds we hear of the melodious

birds are all because of your presence,

and they sing only for your beauty.

I look into your eyes and I see nature

reflected back at me; but it is much more

pleasant to perceive than if I were to do so

through my own set of eyes.

Though the morning lasts for a mere set of hours,

My fascination for you can go for as long as

this smooth river flows.

✎ Neil felt embarrassed about being so infatuated with Y/N, so he kept his poems hidden for the time being.

✎ Somehow, the boys had failed to notice Neil and Y/N’s constant disappearance.

✎ Although, they’d make little remarks from time to time that ran along the lines of “Ooh, Neil found a muse!” and “Y/N definitely likes somebody here. It’s probably me.”

✎ The last comment came from Charlie, which later earned him a smack on the head from Neil.

✎ So, Neil and Y/N did their best to keep their relationship hidden throughout the summer.

✎ The two were rather domestic in their relationship; they did all of the typical-couple activities that everyone else had done.

✎ To anyone else it would have been rather common to witness, but to them it was simply extraordinary being with one another.

It had been a scenic day at the river that morning. The beauty of the nature surrounding it had been ordinarily pleasing to Y/N; but all of its best qualities were magnified for Neil as his hand was in hers and the only thing he could smell was her fragrance. He had been quite nervous for the entire morning as he promised himself the night before that he would finally gather the courage to say those three magic words he’d been imagining to say for quite some time. Unbeknownst to him, Y/N had been thinking the same and had been visualizing how she would say it at that moment for the past few hours since. Just when the cascading waters began to relax and the chirping of the birds started to quiet down, the pair stopped on their trail and those three words were finally professed by Neil in a sudden manner while Y/N had spoken the same in a clear and gentle tone. They looked into each other’s eyes, recognizing the same look of love and eventually realizing what was said. As it was acknowledged, the two lovers simply smiled at each other and kept walking along; their hearts now beating on the same rhythm and their minds thinking of nothing but one another.

✎ Time to time, they would go up to the attic and listen to the music from Mrs. Meeks’ old gramophone, caressing one another as they slowly dance along to the lyrics of Ella Fitzgerald’s songs.

✎ Neil would always sneak a flower out of Mrs. Meeks’ rose garden and leave it on Y/N’s bedside table for her to wake up to.

✎ One of Y/N’s ways of communicating her love would be recommending books to Neil that she thinks is encompassed with his personality. Since then, Neil’s library had enlarged to a great extent.

✎ There would also be some occasions where one of them-- mostly Neil-- would get a little cheeky and try to express their love for the other out in the open.

“Eat up, boys! You know there’s plenty more of where that came from, so don’t be afraid to dig in!” Mrs. Meeks endorsed, setting down a bowl of mashed potatoes. With a jubilant ‘thank you’, everyone at the table promptly began to tuck into the mouthwatering cuisine. The boys soon found themselves distracted with the heavenly taste of Mrs. Meeks’ cooking; and Neil took this opportunity to covertly sneak his right hand onto Y/N’s thigh under the table. A scarlet blush crept its way up to Y/N’s cheek as she sent Neil a glare. Though her eyes expressed the message of “Not here!”, every other signal in her body sent the message of ‘Yes, Please’ to a very triumphant Neil.

✎ The summer inevitably came to an end and the boys were forced to return to Welton, much to their dismay.

✎ They couldn’t stand ending their summer; and they especially couldn’t stand leaving their new friend behind while the rest of them stayed together.

“Oh God, How are we supposed to leave this beautiful girl all alone in this big house?!” Charlie pleaded, theatrically dropping down to his knees and shouting out loud to the heavens. “It’s all just too emotional for us,” Pitts added as he went along with his friend’s act, his head bowing down to the ground in grief as he placed a comforting hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “Just take me with her, God! Let me be with Y/N at her all-girls school!”

✎ Despite all of the inconveniences they put upon Y/N, the poets really did leave a mark on her. These boys showed her a new way of life-- she knows what ‘Carpe Diem’ means, and she knows how to seize her days because of them.

✎ Of course, Neil had a harder time coming into terms with their departure more than anyone else.

✎ Leaving the Meeks’ residence meant that he was leaving Y/N, which was something that he hadn’t prepared himself for.

“I’m not ready to leave you,” Neil confessed. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away. After the individual hugs and goodbyes Y/N had given to the rest of the poets, the ill-fated time had come when she had to bid her own farewell to her lover. Neil believed that though their time was short and fleeting, it truly had been something special and something that he’ll never forget. Y/N was his first love, his first muse, his first everything; and no amount of riches could ever sum up to the prominence of that. Y/N placed her hand on Neil’s face, stroking away his tears with her thumb as she felt her eyes begin to swell up as well. “I’ll write to you every day, Neil.” Naturally, Y/N was on the brink of tears as well. She couldn’t bear to leave Neil after everything he’s shown her. It feels like she’s known him forever, yet everything felt so new and exciting with him. She loved him too much, and she knows she’ll continue to love him long after.

✎ Neil was afraid that she would forget about what they had soon after she had left, so he decided to give her all of the poems he had written about her.

✎ As her hands clasped the thick set of parchment, the tears she had been trying so hard to conceal had all poured out, staining the paper and her hands.

“Neil… these are beautiful,” She croaked. Her eyes skimmed over every title and date, realizing that there had been a poem for each and every splendid day that they had been together. “You’re beautiful, Y/N. That’s why I wrote these,” Neil corrected. “Everything I love about you is in these poems, and all of the love I have for you is written in each letter. I just don’t want you to forget about me while we’re apart.” The absurdity of Neil’s words made Y/N chuckle softly before she stepped forward and linked her hands around Neil’s neck, reducing the space between their lips. “I love you, Neil. You’re always going to be in my mind and you’ll always have my heart in the little pocket of your Welton blazer.”

✎ Y/N felt truly fortunate to have met Neil. This summer had come as quite a surprise for her-- she did not expect to fall in love so soon and with such an extraordinary person like Neil Perry. He was everything she’d ever looked for and he gave everything she deserved.

✎ Even though the bright days of the summer had ended and the early falling leaves of the autumn was yet to arrive, the change was of no concern as the only thing that mattered was what had been consistent-- and for Y/N and Neil, the thing that stood still for the two of them despite all odds was each other.

dedicated to these lovely people!! @mybabysweetascanbe @disagreeingpoets @catflowerbean @galaxyrhytm @nananostalgic @ughgclden @towriteabetterlife @neilsemeraldsweater @yourpal @willowestelle

[mercury-hammer]

Jayce writing prompts 👀 college AU or professor AU if you do those, for example how would Jayce interact with a class of students, i bet they banter with him lmao (maybe viktor's there too?)

If canon universe, how about a no-plot, jayce's internal monologue kinda thing, exploring one of his traits that you find interesting (i wanna see you pick his brain apart and explain it to me, a still-jayce-ambivalent person hehe)

I went with the second prompt! And then it got away from me, just a little, Enjoy!! I did giopara instead of talis so I hope that’s alright!

Tw: mentions of self-harm and not listening to ones therapist, vague mentions of fighting and violence.

—

Kicking machines, fundamentally, has never done anyone any good. I mean sure you could kick a machine and it’d work again, but that was only sometimes, and Jayce needed this to work perfectly, All the time, because quite honestly If it didn’t work perfectly all the time, he was going to put his hammer through the ground, or a window, he hadn’t taken the time to calculate which would statistically be More Satisfying, in the event of a small fit of rage

(This was, of course, a lie, it was the window. Always Always the window. He had done the calculations)

This is how he found himself precariously balancing one of the small hextech chips he’d thrown together in a 4 day no sleep bender, between his lips, as he applied thermal paste to the small connector unit, which he had for some ungodly reason made an impossibly small gap for, something about compatibility, whatever Past Jayce was thinking, it was ridiculous, and Current Jayce wasn't having it. Why the fuck would he have made the one part he needed to access often and frequently, have a gap smaller than his pinkie finger.

It took him approximately 5 tries to apply the thermal paste, and then an additional 8 tries to place the chip onto the thermal paste, so that he could turn the stupid machine on again, and see if it blew right back up in his face.

For the wellness of everyone in Runeterra, the abhorred machine ran just as intended.

If Jayce got so excited he threw his book into the wall, accidentally knocking the fire alarm system in place, and sending cascades of cold water down onto his head, no one else was in the lab to bear witness to it. It didn’t happen.

—

Of course, he wasn’t always tinkering away in his lab, occasionally he would be trying (and failing) to seem even somewhat vaguely interested in what the higher class citizens of piltover deemed worthy of their time. It’s not prim nor proper to get blackout smashed at one of these parties, so Jayce had to pull his expression into what he called his “Condescending Cunt” face just to pass off as if he were one of them and also belonged here, in this too big fancy ballroom with small tiny foods he hated the tastes and textures of.

(Another lie, he keeps lying today, he fucking loves those little cocktail sausages)

He should have been paying attention more, because the woman he’s looking in the vague direction of at the moment seems to be waiting for his reply on something she said, and Jayce can’t even remember her bloody name, so why would he remember whatever random thing she had come up with to discuss with him (a thing he’s come to accept over the 10 plus years he’s been attending these things)

“Hm? What oh yes, right, hmm” is the best that Piltover's Sparkly Golden Man of Progress can come up with, but what does he care, really I mean he’s a scientist not a public speaker no matter what the council might think.

She doesn’t look pleased with this answer at all, and storms off before he can act like a respectable person and just ask her what she said. Oh well, it mustn't have been that important.

It’s another 3 hours before he finds it in him to just up and leave, these might’ve been bareable when he was 27, but he’s 43 now, his back hurts, and the lack of anyone interesting enough to talk to was enough to send him careening into the weak champagne they had stocked for the event.

Getting drunk at home was much more enjoyable

—

Being thrown into a concrete wall at Mach speeds isn’t fun. Well it is fun, but Jayce’s therapist told him that was bordering on “self harm” or whatever, so he had to remind himself that it wasn’t fun. Having a laser pointed at his face was not fun, and he didn’t enjoy it.

(Lie again. Really he had to stop, but his life had reached a breaking point about 4 years ago where he realized he had the most fun when he was getting the shit beat out of him by the metal shell of a man he used to care about, he hadn’t told his therapist about that one, he’s sure she’d have some choice words for him about that.)

After party fights were something that Jayce had somehow come to look forward to, it was like after party sex, but he didn’t have to think too hard about the fights like he did with sex. During sex he had to make sure the other person was having fun, that they enjoyed it, fighting Viktor meant he could turn off his brain and swing a massive weapon around without much care, and he didnt have to care if Viktor was enjoying this either, quite frankly he probably wasn’t having as much fun as Jayce was, but they were fighting what did it matter.

He should probably pick himself up off the ground, that would be a smart idea, and Jayce was a smart man. He doesn’t pick himself up off the floor, actually he thinks he’s lying there for a good 3 minutes before he can feel sharp metallic claws on his throat, his body being lifted like some discarded doll, and his back hitting the wall of whatever alleyway he and Viktor had met in this time. It takes him a few seconds to lift his eyes up off the ground where they were and oh isn't that a nice sight, at some point he must’ve swung his hammer hard enough to knock Viktor’s mask off.

Relatively speaking, it was the same face as it had always been. Well, no, Viktor’s eyes must have been replaced at some point, black sclera and Orange Iris’ staring back at him, and there was metal playing out his face where the hollows of his cheeks used to be, but the slight crooked angle of his nose was still the same, he still had a gap between his two front teeth, even if they were sharper now, and the moles on his face still stood out against the paleness of his skin.

Oh. Viktor was talking to him, or he might have been talking to him, his mouth was moving, why couldn’t he hear what Viktor was saying. It didn’t matter too much, because the edges of his vision had gotten all hazy, and his arms suddenly felt heavier than the stupid hammer he walked around with everywhere.

Falling into unconsciousness was like a blessed gift.

[shevathegun]

not trying to be rude but if it's okay to ask, what does aroace lesbian mean? (i'm another aspec person no spite/hatred/exclusionism ive just never seen and want to learn :o)

hey, no problem! and good on you for specifying that this was a serious question, i guess you know the aphobic atmosphere we’re in lmao

so yeah i identify as an aroace lesbian, which is - frankly - the closest thing i can approximate to what my sexual/romantic orientation...is. if it’s anything at all. it’s mostly a noncommittal wiggly hand gesture.

to break it down: i’m asexual (i don’t experience sexual attraction), i’m aromantic (i don’t experience romantic attraction). pretty straight forward. these are the parts of my identity that are easy to explain to other people.

but there’s a part of my identity that isn’t easy to explain to other people, this effervescing queerness at the core of my being that is as absolute and real as the aroace portions of my identity but way harder to articulate. the lavender-scented sapphic boba tea that runs through my veins, if you will.

the best way i can explain it is: i am attracted to no one, but if i were to be attracted to someone it would be a woman. i don’t want to ever be in a relationship, but if i ever were to hypothetically be in one i would want to be with a woman. i am a not-quite-w-not-quite-l-w. i used to describe myself as a sapphic aroace, which is perhaps more precise, but i got tired of people asking what the word sapphic meant.

also, to be clear, aroace lesbianism is not something i single-handedly conjured up. it’s a term i started using bc it helped me connect with other aroace lesbians, whose romantic and sexual identities seem to harmonize with mine in that pleasant “you are my people” sort of way.

so there’s your answer! that’s kind of a break down of what it means, at least to me. lmk if you have any more questions, i’d be happy to answer em

[chamerionwrites]

📕 hit me up please!

After that Extremely Cheerful fic premise featuring Draven, please enjoy this palate cleanser also featuring Draven (and more importantly Jyn):

I’ve touched on this briefly before (Ahsoka + Maul remains one of the sole redeeming qualities of TCW), but imho one of the greatest writing joys is cramming unexpected/markedly different/directly-at-odds-with-each-other characters into tight proximity and extreme circumstances and watching the characterization sparks fly. I love, love, love exploring what kind of dynamic develops when people who would not normally interact that often or that intimately are forced to rely on each other for survival and/or success in some very important goal.

I think this should happen to Jyn and Draven.

In the Rogue One Lives AU these two have the makings of a fascinatingly uncomfortable character dynamic. They have Galen but also Cassian between them. They’re personally at odds but fighting on the same side of a war. (Or rather, Jyn is personally antagonistic and has every right to be. I don’t think Draven actually harbors any personal antagonism for Jyn at all; the abrasiveness in the film strikes me as obligatory spymaster suspicion + being a bit of a dick on purpose to see what sort of information and/or reaction it might shake loose, which tbf is also Cassian’s interrogation tactic in that scene.) Both of them have a strong pragmatic streak and while the world's biggest elephant is always going to crowd the room, I think both could agree wholeheartedly on a limited set of principles including “not dying,” “ruining the Empire’s day,” and/or “Cassian Andor’s well-being.”

IRL this would be actively excruciating and probably traumatic to deal with but in fiction it’s fun to read about, because that kind of impossible-to-resolve tension draws interesting things out of characters.

Also…….listen. Sometimes (often!) I want haunting explorations of the cost of violence on the human soul but sometimes. sometimes. I want my faves kicking ass and taking names. Sometimes I am a woman of simple tastes, a good action scene is one of them, and I find the idea of Jyn “canonically twelve ounces of whoop-ass” Erso and Davits “canonically down for a bit of good old-fashioned murder” Draven teaming up against Imperials darkly hilarious. The former is one of Saw Gerrera’s best soldiers according to Saw Gerrera, and the latter exudes a strong aura of “probably saw some shit in the early days when the Rebel Alliance was approximately twelve people held together with spit and duct tape, lived to tell about it, and believes fervently that ‘fighting dirty’ is a synonym for ‘fighting smart.’” THE CHAOS THEY WOULD UNLEASH LMAO.

Do they get cut off in an ice tunnel together while retreating from Hoth and have to fight their way out? Do they join forces to rescue Cassian from an intelligence operation that went tits-up? I don’t care! I do not actually want them to reach a neat and tidy understanding because, as noted, I think Jyn deserves to hold that grudge and in any case a bit of foxhole camaraderie is not enough to fix a conflict of that magnitude. I simply want them to collaborate in spectacularly ruining the Empire’s day while exhibiting emotionally strained but terrifyingly competent teamwork, because sometimes what the id wants is Pretty Explosions with a side of character development. Also I think that at the very least Jyn deserves the opportunity to say “Hey asshole. Watch my back. Don’t fuck it up,” while Draven very dryly replies "Duly noted" because (1) too many people are shooting at them to argue and (2) he knows he deserves it. And because (3) I, personally, am entertained by this precise flavor of battlefield snark.

I am not writing this, because frankly what I really want to do is read this, but possibly someday I will try my hand.

[virgojeons]

true love; day two (jjk)

summary: you and jungkook spend your first christmas together.

alternatively, a merry love story based on the lyrics of true love by ariana grande.

* read part one here

genre: fluff, humor, college au, established relationship, holiday series, jeon jungkook x reader

word count: 5.7k

warnings: cursing, implied sexual content, slight angst, excessive use of pet names

a/n: hello again!! thank u all so much for all the love on the first part of true love. honestly, this entire thing was supposed to be wrapped up before christmas so i truly apologize lmao but i hope u guys are still willing to read!! and i hope u love this one just as much. thank u again and happy holidays!!! <3

on the second day of christmas, said you felt something's missing, so you promised me that promise ring to keep 'till we get old.

Much to Jungkook's dismay, you were exactly the type of Christmas shopper he had always despised. The unprepared, frantic shopper who saved all their gift buying until the last possible moment and then took their procrastination out on everyone else. In Jungkook's head, he had pictured the first morning you two spent together during your holiday a lot differently. He spent a good amount of time fantasizing about the way you would look when he opened his eyes to you, how you always appeared so unguarded and dreamlike with the early morning sun hitting your face. How that was when you were at your softest, so pliant and eager to get close to him that you'd let him do just about anything he wanted. He imagined greeting you gently, pressing kisses on your warm skin and pulling the covers back over you two until he worked you awake in the best way he knew how.

Instead, Jungkook was getting a pillow to the head.

"This is the third time I've had to come in here and wake you up." You huffed. You were also trying your absolute hardest to ignore how cute he looked while rubbing his sleepy eyes.

"I really don't remember that." He drowsily pouted.

Okay, you felt sort of bad now. Maybe you shouldn't have thrown a pillow at him. But with each time you came back to see if he was up and ready, he only seemed to snuggle deeper into your sheets. Which would've been fine any other time, would've been welcomed actually. But you had a busy schedule today, and he knew that.

He also knew exactly what to say to get you to leave him alone for a few more minutes.

The longer you stand here watching me the less time you'll have to get ready had you leaving the room with a roll of your eyes and a new pep in your step. I'm up, baby, I'm up. Don't worry. One soft, sleepy smile sent your way after and you were stumbling back out of the room, mumbling to yourself about willpower and resisting temptation. Just as he intended.

And now, the third visit.

"I'm sure you don't," You deadpanned. "But you're thirty minutes behind schedule, Kook."

Jungkook knows that almost every move you make in your life has been planned to hell and back. In complete contrast to his personality, you're a calculated, meticulous woman. You use your notes app approximately five times more than the average person, you make a list of pros and cons for practically every situation. He knows that you have a detailed itinerary spread out in your mind if not in your notes, and if you didn't follow through with a sufficient amount of those plans, you got cranky. (Which also makes no sense to him, because he figured all of these qualities would make for an efficient, three-weeks-too-early Christmas shopper. But, well. It doesn't.) Depending on the day and both of your moods, he liked to put his life in danger and meddle. Liked to wreck your plans, liked to watch your resolve crumble as he made you draw outside your own lines. Admittedly, experimenting with how much prodding you could take was one of Jungkook's favorite pastimes. As mean as it was, he couldn't help but find it entertaining. You were cute when irritated and the things that flew out of your mouth when you were annoyed were hilarious. It also often led to great sex. Sue him.

So as Jungkook sees it, he has two options. He could do as you ask, refrain from poking a hole in your plans and spend his entire day at the mercy of you and that crazed mall. Or, he could simply pretend to go back to sleep and pray that it annoys you enough to make you leave him alone altogether.

He blinks, ticks his head to the side and considers his choices. You're all too familiar with that deliberately contemplative look on his face, but when he's throwing the blanket back over his head and loud, exaggerated snores fill your room, you're still rolling your eyes so far back into your head it hurts.

You scoff. "The twenty-one year old computer science major."

You're pretty hesitant to feed into your boyfriend's antics, considering the fact that you're a very stubborn person and generally don't enjoy letting other people win debates of any degree. With all of this being said, Jungkook's prayers are answered. You decide you officially don't have time for this anymore. Truth be told, you were really looking forward to spending the day shopping with him, and couldn't wait to go out and do some totally pointless yet fun Christmas activity afterwards. But his dedication to being absolutely impossible at the ass crack of dawn was a little unbelievable. And not in a good way. So with that, you're grabbing your purse from beside your table and exiting your room without a word. It's the sound of your footsteps gradually descending down the stairs that has Jungkook sitting straight up in your bed.

"Baby?" He calls.

You think that you want to make him feel guilty for forcing you to shop by yourself. The devil on your shoulder also tells you to make him feel a small fraction of the disappointment you're feeling right now. Deep down, you feel a little bad. You're possibly (definitely) overreacting and waiting an extra thirty minutes or so probably (obviously) wouldn't kill you. The inner morality battle makes you pause, has you waiting for the angel on your other shoulder to talk you down.

As it turns out, she's nowhere to be found. Oh well. This comes as no surprise to you. And so, you proceed to kill two birds with one stone.

"I made your favorite," You eventually respond, in the process of slipping on your shoes. "It's in the microwave. Hope you enjoy your sleep."

Your sarcastic parting words have their desired effect, and Jungkook feels like enjoying sleep is just about the last thing on earth he'd be able to do right now. For one thing, he's not even tired anymore. And for another, he actually feels pretty terrible now thanks to that entire interaction. Before he can even think of a response, the sound of the front door being shut and locked echoes upstairs. Jungkook is met with silence.

In the car, you're forcibly listening to Here Comes Santa Claus to will away any negative feelings you have towards your boyfriend.

In the kitchen, Jungkook stands before the microwave. He quickly comes to realize that his nonexistent chocolate chip pancakes were simply a result of your ever-charming need for vengeance.

The mall is just as hellish as you'd envisioned.

It'd only been a little over an hour and a half since you started your shopping, and you had already dealt with two bitchy old ladies and a cranky saleswoman that looked like she craved death. Nevertheless, your notes app checklist had been checked to its completion. Well, save for one exception: Park Jimin.

For as long as you'd known him, Jimin and picky went hand in hand. Picky with his food, his clothes, his friends - you name it, and he probably had a specific set of restrictions to it. It was just the way he was, and while you loved your best friend to pieces, he was hard to please.

Cue where Jungkook comes in. Ugh.

Being the person you were, you rose to the occasion and made it your personal mission to get Jimin the gifts he deserved. But you had been hoping that having Jungkook with you would make the whole process a little easier on you this time around. Of course, you've given Jimin really good presents in the past. But there's only so many times you can brainstorm such genius gift ideas on your own.

Exhibit A: A little over a year ago, Jimin was going through this random astrology and space phase. So naturally, you bought him a framed personalized star map for his birthday. He didn't really know what he was looking at until you were explaining that it was a map of what the sky and stars looked like the night he was born. He was in tears immediately after. Not to toot your own horn or anything, but it was pretty safe to say you nailed that.

Exhibit B: Around the time of Christmas last year, Jimin had been whining for days about how society had become too modernized.

Robots are decades away from taking over the world! He yelped in the library, eyes wide and arms raised in frustration. Our children have fried their brains from viral dances and Wall-E is a literal foretelling of what this planet is on the brink of!

You didn't have the heart nor energy to point out how societal evolution was inevitable and had been happening for centuries B.J. (Before Jimin, don't laugh) and would continue on for centuries A.J. (After Jimin). More selfishly, your librarian hated his guts and you got a good laugh out of her threatening to kick him out every time he raised his voice over a decibel. So instead, you made it so he unwrapped a brand new record player from you on Christmas Day. You dragged him to your car right after, let him pick three vinyls out at your local record store and took him to some old-fashioned diner out of town. He ate a burger, a strawberry milkshake, played his favorite oldie on the pretty chromatic jukebox and smiled the entire way home. Jimin never complained about modernized society again.

And so, as earlier stated, you had given Jimin some good presents in your time as friends. But this year, you wanted to get him a great present. It was well known that you were an excellent gift giver, since you were a diligent perfectionist through and through. Despite the way you came off at times, everyone around you knew you were really just a big baby with an even bigger heart and a need to make the people you loved happy. A true people pleaser. Thus, came your frustration with Jimin's gift.

You always felt like you owed Jimin a lot, but even more so this year. This year, he brought you Jungkook.

Jungkook. Ugh.

Thoughts about what life would be like if Jimin never introduced you two popped up in your mind quite frequently. You figured Jungkook and you would've eventually crossed paths at some point, with both of you attending the same college and him working at your favorite café and all. But you were a shy girl at heart, and you know you would've spent the remainder of your senior year harboring a devastating crush on him from afar if it weren't for Jimin.

Finding a gift to properly express just how thankful you were was proving to be impossible. Jungkook was supposed to be here, hand on your waist and giving you stupid suggestions with that stupid pretty smile on his lips that you would pretend to be annoyed at and kissing your stress away and laughing in your ear and-

Ughhh.

Instead, you were sitting in the mall food court by yourself. Despondently pushing the now cold orange chicken around in your styrofoam container.

Embarrassing as it was, it was also pretty expected when you felt your internal frustrations manifest into physical tears. It was too easy for things to permeate the little bubble you had built around yourself, all too effortless for tears to instantly spring to your eyes at the simplest of things. (Jungkook hated seeing you get all teary-eyed for obvious reasons, but also loved that about you for other, less appropriate reasons.) Long story short, you were a crybaby, which meant you could always sense when you were about to cry over something stupid. Knew it before you even felt that stinging sensation in your nose or the wetness at your waterline. Lovely, you think to yourself. I'm about to cry in the middle of a food court.

And then a chair was being scraped across the floor and placed directly across the table from you. You didn't even need to look up to know who was sitting in it, because it happened anytime he was in the same room as you. You just knew.

You quickly blinked until the tears were gone and looked up anyway, fixed your face to mask your relief with indifference. You cleared your throat. "How'd you find me?"

Jungkook, pretty as ever, waved his phone at you. "I always have your location. Remember?"

He looked so dreamy, so handsome in that winter jacket and holiday sweater with his hair like that. Plus, his effort had your heart melting. You kind of wanted to drag him into a janitor's closet or something.

"Right," You responded monotonously, popping an orange chicken in your mouth. It was mostly to keep yourself from kissing him silly.

Jungkook's smile dimmed a bit at your passiveness. He wasn't sure what mood you'd be in when he found you, but he knew he had to at least try. He couldn't sit there by himself, constantly getting worked up and wallowing in his pessimism until you came home. And he also couldn't just let you marinate in your anger all day. Tracking you down was more or less the only solution he could think of.

"Look," He starts, voice soft while he reaches for your hand. "About this morning, I'm really sorry. I just had, like, this vision of us waking up together and... nevermind. It doesn't really matter. The point is, we have all week to sleep in and I should've respected what you had going on. I was being childish and selfish and-"

You crack.

You're leaning over the table and pressing your lips against his before he can even wrap up his speech. Partly because you know Jungkook is so pure that he really would apologize for hours if you let him, but mostly because he looked so pouty when he was saying sorry and you missed him a lot this morning too.

When you pull away, you take great pleasure in the dumbfounded expression on his face. “How'd you get here, handsome?”

"Uh... an Uber," He flushes, and scratches the back of his neck. "Aren't you mad at me?"

Seeing him squirm like this reminds you of your early days in the coffee shop when you were still dancing around each other. The thought has you trying desperately to cover the growing smile on your face.

"Mhm. Sure am."

Unfortunately for you, the smile is contagious.

"Doesn't look like it," Jungkook points out, and his shoulders shake when he laughs at you.

"I am!" You insist, before you realize that your heart is fluttering and your stomach is doing somersaults and the very last thing you feel right now is anger. It's over. "Okay, well, I was. Not so much now that you're here."

He's scrunching his nose up at the accidental fondness in your voice. "You missed me, baby?"

"A lot," You admit, blushing so hard you can't even meet his gaze. "But if it makes you feel any better, I was really mad on the way here. I had Here Comes Santa Claus on repeat and stopped at Starbucks to order a black coffee."

Jungkook frowns. "Why would that make me feel better? You hate black coffee and you said Here Comes Santa Claus makes you want to chew a glass ornament."

"Exactly. The deep hatred I hold for those two things really distracted me from my irritation with you."

Jungkook breathes out a laugh, shaking his head like he can't believe you. He probably can't.

"I really am sorry, though."

"Thank you. I forgive you, and I'm sorry too," You say, taking great interest in tracing over the tattoos on his knuckles. When you look up, he's raising an eyebrow at you in confusion. "For saying I made you chocolate chip pancakes when I didn't. That was mean."

"It was," He agrees, but he's smiling like it was the nicest thing that's ever happened to him. "I love you."

"I love you too, Kook." All you can think about is how gorgeous he looks when he looks at you like that.

But he's eyeing your food now, and you know exactly what's coming next. "By the way, are you gonna eat that?"

Back at the mall, Jungkook was expecting to do a lot more groveling. He came prepared, which was why the black box you'd seen yesterday was currently burning a hole through his pocket. He'd like to think he knew you pretty well, better than anyone probably. Even still, when Jungkook panicked, his brain was practically useless. He was a carefree, laidback guy, was never good at working under pressure, and never good at handling confrontation well. Especially when it came to you.

He would like to say he didn't consider himself to be afraid of many things. He's bungee jumped off a cliff before. Backwards. He's been dropped in an ocean full of sharks with a flimsy cage as his only means of protection. He's eaten an entire box of Namjoon's favorite cereal while drunk and had to avoid him for a whole week after. So yeah, Jungkook knows fear. He prided himself on just how well he knew it. But this feels completely different. He's 100% sure he's never experienced fear quite like this.

He loved you so much it scared him. He was terrified of losing you, in any and all capacity. The thought alone made him feel genuinely sick. Jungkook had never been insecure, never really had a reason to be, but he knew himself, and he knew you.

He knew he still had that kiddish streak in him that twenty-one year old men graduating from college probably shouldn't have. He knew that his laidback personality did more harm than good at times, could even result in communication issues between the two of you every once in a while. He knew that this was his first serious relationship and that meant he was prone to make mistakes. Jungkook also knew that you deserved someone more mature, more stable, someone that could mirror and reciprocate all the aspects of your personality he loved so much. It was an indisputable fact.

He'd paced across your kitchen floor at least twenty times by the time Jimin picked up the phone.

He groaned as a greeting. "It's 9am."

"Yeah, I'm aware. I'm sorry. But look-"

"Shouldn't you be on your Horny Holiday Honeymoon? Where's ____?"

(Jimin came up with the term weeks ago when you two told him of your future Christmas plans, making fun of Jungkook for being so whipped and also grumbling about how he would have to drive home for Christmas by himself this year.)

Jungkook pinches his nose. "That's what I'm calling about. And please stop calling it that."

"I'm not gonna lie, Kook. You have 10 seconds to say something interesting before I go back to sleep."

"...I might've done something to upset ___ and she might've been so pissed that she left me in the house alone. Hypothetically speaking."

There's a tense, drawn out silence that has Jungkook plopping onto the couch in preparation. Jimin may be his best friend, but he's also yours, and he tends to take your side in most arguments. It's whatever. He blinks up at the ceiling and counts the seconds it takes until he's being verbally assaulted.

7... 8... 9...

"What the hell did you do, idiot?"

A deep sigh leaves Jungkook's throat at the thought of having to explain his idiocy out loud. He does it anyway, though, because Jimin is a lot like him; easygoing, happy-go-lucky, and overbearingly protective of all things involving you. He's managed to work himself up all over again by the time he's finished, and one look at the Polaroid of you two that you placed on the Christmas tree last night is enough to have him pacing again.

"Well," Jimin sighs, like there's only one obvious answer. "You have to give her one of the presents."

"Excuse me?"

Jimin thinks Jungkook is an absolute idiot. "You have to give her one of the presents. She'll deny it 'till she's six feet under, but grand romantic gestures are her weakness. You know how she is. And she told me she thinks it's cute when you're begging for her forgiveness, so."

"Won't that ruin all the fun of Christmas Day?" He whines. His chaotic thoughts and insuppressible mouth leave no time for Jimin to answer. "She's gonna break up with me, Chim."

Jimin tries his hardest not to hang up, he really does. He keeps repeating the sentence in his mind, attempting to maintain the role of a supportive best friend. But the more he does it, the more his patience wears thin. He just can't deal with the sheer brainlessness of it all.

And then Jungkook hears a click and the dial tone in his ear.

"What the fuck?" He thinks out loud. He stares at his phone, and then dials Jimin's number again. When it picks up, he repeats himself. "What the fuck?"

"I'm sorry, but you literally woke me up from a dead sleep to talk stupid."

"How is this stupid talk?" Jungkook sulks.

Jimin lets his eyes drift back closed and imagines Jungkook has his eyebrows furrowed, his bottom lip poking out like a scolded puppy. He doesn't need to be told his vision is accurate.

"That girl would believe the earth is flat if you were the one saying it. She loves you, Jungkook. You know that. Just like you know she'd never break up with you. Like, anytime soon at least." Jimin's joke falls on deaf ears. "Alright, sorry. I'm still half asleep. Point is, you need to get out of your own head."

At some point, Jungkook stopped pacing. He wasn't exactly sure when it happened, but he didn't feel like the world was crashing down around him anymore, so that was a plus. He takes a second to let Jimin's words permeate all the presumptuous, self-conscious parts of his brain. The little black box hidden in the Christmas stocking with your name on it seemed to glow from the across the room.

"You're right," Jungkook says easily. "Thanks, man."

"Yeah, you're welcome. I just saved your relationship, by the way, so Merry Christmas. That's the only present you're getting for making me drive home alone."

"You're kidding, right?"

Jimin smiles for the first time that morning. It's definitely more of a smirk, but. "Sure. Go get your girl."

Which leads Jungkook back to his current surroundings; one hand intertwined with yours while the other holds the hot chocolate you two picked up on the drive over. You'd been insistent about revisiting this place for months now, but schedules and school and life just got in the way. Both of you had nothing but time now, though, and it was with an excited giggle that you were pulling him towards the playground that held your first two milestones as a couple. Your very first date and very first kiss.

It wasn't as busy as it was that night, Jungkook notes as you tug him to the swing set. It wasn't busy at all, actually. You two were the only people around. It was a given considering it was the dead of winter, but it only continued to add to his nerves.

You letting go of his hand to sit on the swing has Jungkook breaking out of his thoughts, and he takes the swing next to you. It's not even noon yet, which meant everything was still so crisp and fresh. The air was cold and the wind was even colder, made you tangle your legs with Jungkook's so he was facing you directly. You've got this glossy shine over your eyes from the harsh temperature and he can tell you're feeling nostalgic just from the way you're holding onto him. It's in the way you shut your eyes for a second and just breathe, too. He watches you the whole time, takes a brief intermission from his anxious inner monologue to think about how pretty you are. When you open your eyes you're smiling, and try as he might, Jungkook can't help but smile back.

"It's nice, right?" You finally ask. Frankly, Jungkook hasn't felt this sick since the night he told you he loved you. "Feels like it's all coming full circle."

"It does." He distractedly agrees.

You know something's wrong from the tone of his voice alone. He can't even look at you now, and Jungkook's always been the better eye contact holder out of the two of you.

"Hey," You're calling out softly, placing a hand on his thigh. "What's wrong? This isn't about earlier, right?"

Jungkook shakes his head. "It's not. I mean, I guess so? Kind of."

"Kook, I already told you-"

"No no, I know. It's just..."

Like clockwork, his vague but loaded responses immediately have you spiraling. When you're jerking your hand from his thigh and burying your face in your hands with your eyes squeezed shut, Jungkook knows he's messed up. Again.

"Oh my god, you're breaking up with me," You wail, and his eyes nearly pop out of their sockets. "I'm getting dumped on Christmas!"

Jungkook realizes then that you two function in scarily similar ways. Both of you so quick to assume the worst, quick to let your usually suppressed doubts overshadow any rationality. So much so that he knows Jimin would've called you both idiots in that exasperated voice he uses when he's tired of being subjected to your stupidity.

The thought makes him chuckle, and the sound of his laugh has you slowly peeking through the slots in your clasped hands. It's pretty clear from the look on his face that you jumped to conclusions a little prematurely. Needless to say, the embarrassment you're feeling makes you defensive.

"That was an asshole move." You scold.

Jungkook is expecting it and has the audacity to snort. "You know by now that's never happening."

The word never has your heart instantly roaring back to life.

"Never?" You reiterate.

Below you, his leg is shaking rapidly. You're searching his face and he's so nervous he's going pale, and you can't contain the giggle that leaves you despite how you're suddenly feeling just as tense. You use your legs to pull his body even closer to yours, reach an arm behind him to bury your fingers in his hair and scratch at his scalp. Just as expected, he's leaning into it immediately. Jungkook drunkenly told you weeks ago that it was the eighth wonder of the world and you've been using it against him ever since. The memory causes you to grin as you press a soft kiss to his nose and he can't stop thinking about how in love he is and the black box in his pocket has never felt heavier.

"It's just me," You soothe.

Jungkook breathes out a laugh, because that's exactly what the problem was. It's you. He pecks your cheek in response and finally decides to just rip the band-aid off. He takes a deep breath. Here it goes.

"To be honest, I thought you were gonna make me do some serious groveling. And I was like, freaking out when you left me back at your place. So I called Jimin and he called me an idiot and hung up on me." The sight of your smile and the sound of your laugh gives him the encouragement he needs to keep talking. He pushes on. "But after he got that out the way he gave me a pretty good idea. So..."

He starts to fumble around his pocket, and you recognize what it is as soon as it makes an appearance.

The box he practically threw himself to the ground to hide from you last night.

Now, you're a lot of things, but you're not stupid. And you know only one thing can be in a jewelry box that small.

The weight of the moment finally sinks in and almost knocks you from your seat on the swing. One look at Jungkook and you're clutching onto the sides for dear life, blinking rapidly at the sudden urge you had to throw up. Or faint. Maybe even both. Ring, your mind screams at you. There's a ring in there and you know it. And for the final nail in your own coffin, the word you'd been desperately trying to keep from infiltrating your thoughts for months now rears its ugly head. Marriage.

Like breathing, like blinking; your answer comes naturally. It's automatic. Like you were never meant to do anything else but say it. And all at once, tears are streaming down your face.

Jungkook spots the wetness on your cheeks and immediately springs into action. "Baby," His voice is filled with concern when he cups your cheeks, and- oh my god, you were really crying now. "Baby, baby. It's okay. It's not what you're thinking. Well, it's not what I think you're thinking."

Oh. Oh.

His thumbs gently swipe the tears off your cheeks, and you feel so high-strung, so insane, that you start laughing through all your blubbering. It just hits you that you, a soon to be college graduate, had quite literally said yes to Jungkook's not-marriage proposal without any real thought or hesitance at all. You've known him for just a few months shy of a year. The answer took less than three seconds.

Eh. You'd deal with the repercussions of what exactly that meant later.

Jungkook thinks you look like an angel when you laugh, even when you're crying. He has absolutely no idea what you think is so funny but he's laughing along with you anyway and can actually feel the adoration he has for you radiating off of him in waves. A kiss is planted on his lips, all wet and messy because you can't stop giggling in embarrassment and he's more than willing to forget the box between you in favor of pressing his lips into yours. But then you're slowly pulling away, sniffling and still smiling, wiping your eyes with the sleeve of your coat.

"I'm so sorry," You flush, cheeks burning and head spinning. At this point it was hard to tell if you were kiss-drunk or I-almost-just-went-from-girlfriend-to-fiancé-drunk. "You're definitely thinking about how unhinged I look right now."

He shakes his head and gives you those serious eyes. "I'm actually thinking about... how I think you're the best thing that's probably ever happened to me. How these past nine months are the happiest that I've ever been. And about how I've never felt like this before, don't think I ever could after you, and," Jungkook looks up from his shoes to see you crying again. He's swallowing and choking out a nervous laugh to keep from following suit. "We graduate this year, right? We're supposed to get our shit together and become real functioning adults that pay bills and own pets and all that other stuff I've been tuning out for the past four years. I really think- no, I know that I'd hate it a lot less if you did it with me. Like, uh, together. Only if that's what you want too, of course." And you just can't stop crying, hiccups and all. Couldn't manage a word even if you tried. It has him anxiously tacking on a, "Hopefully?" just for good measure, in true Jungkook fashion.

"I love you so much, you idiot," You actually whimper. "Of course I want that. Everything you said, all of it."

Yeah, Jungkook knows for a fact now that you're the best thing to ever happen to him.

If anyone asked, he absolutely did not have to blink away tears as he opened the box to you, listened to your quiet gasp and felt his heart threaten to beat out of his chest as he slid it on your finger. (An exact fit. Thanks Jimin.)

You just needed to know one thing. "Why a ring?" Shit. Wait. "Not that I don't like it! It's literally perfect. It's perfect and I love it so much. I'm just curious."

"It's supposed to be a promise ring," He explains, and- is he blushing? "Sorry. I was so nervous I forgot to say that. I was gonna give it to you on Christmas but-" An abrupt thought makes Jungkook halt. There's a delayed pause before he asks, "Wait, did you really think I was...?"

His sentence trails off like he's waiting for you to fill in the rest of the sentence yourself. Luckily for him, your mind just proved mere minutes ago that it was more than capable of jumping to the conclusion of M-word. Now you're the one blushing. 

Quick to scoff in faux bewilderment, you lie straight through your teeth. "No, of course not."

If Jungkook can tell you're bluffing, he doesn't make it known.

Instead you're scrambling to abandon your swing in favor of throwing yourself onto his lap, pressing tiny kisses to his lips over and over like personal space was a foreign concept that you'd never exercised in your life.

"Mmf, love you," He manages to tell you in between.

"And I love you," You say back when you're finished, with this big dopey grin on your face that you were far too happy to cringe at. "You're freezing, Kook. Let's get you home."

Home, his lovesick brain repeats back to him. The word sounds different in the best way.

"Can we make a quick stop on the way?"

In the car, Jungkook has a mouthful of chocolate chip pancakes. All is right in the world.

previous & next

[hawthornewhisperer]

Tagged by @bgonemydear

How many works do you have on AO3?

An even 100, and honestly it's gonna kill me to add a new fic because I am a slut for round numbers. They're just so satisfying, you know?

What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,027,603 which is...so many words

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Technically seven (again, so many, considering I only started writing fic like, 6 years ago) but The White Princess and Gilmore Girls each only have one fic a piece, so they barely count.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(I'm leaving out ficlet collections, because those don't really count and each has approximately 1 billion chapters, which makes them rack up the kudos like crazy)

afraid to call this place our own (bellarke, and you know what, this is probably my best work so I'm glad the fandom agrees)

call it what you want (dramione, and oh my GOD this fandom is HUGE, I was not prepared)

on the importance of names (bellarke, this one always surprises me because I put like, zero thought into it but hey I guess people like secret baby/single parents?)

the second hand unwinds (bellarke, and this is the one I pretend canon ended on, thankyouverymuch)

don't let the days go by (bellarke, wow my fic titles are terrible I had to check what this one was even about, it's the sex bet one)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I was raised by a woman who insisted I write thank you notes for every single present I ever got so yes, I respond to comments, otherwise I will be consumed by guilt.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings, honestly. But the way we used to be is probably my angstiest fic overall? At least I think so, anyway.

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really, no. I did write a crackfic for my friend jeeno once that was Giles-from-Buffy/Minerva McGonagall, but that was like, 100 words.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

lmao I wrote bellarke but didn't want either Lexa or Echo to die horribly so yeah, I got it from like, every possible side, it was a fucking nightmare 0/10 do not recommend

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

almost exclusively, tbh. I feel like I have cheated my readers if a fic is rated anything less than an M and will usually figure out how to work smut in SOMEWHERE, and it's usually fairly explicit.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as I know

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so?

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I'm not going to write fic for them, but probably Han/Leia. They are the original Enemies To Lovers template for me.

Whats a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I started an art thief!draco and interpol!hermione fic that was really great for like 6k words and then I realized how much fucking plot it would require and bailed. It had some great banter, though.

What are your writing strengths?

Banter and dialogue, for sure.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm an underwriter/I only write the bare essentials, which means I'm constantly re-reading old fics and realizing I'm missing like, whole scenes.

Also description. It's a horse, use your imagination, don't make me do all the work.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Haven't done full dialogue, I don't think. I have used some words in foreign languages when it seems appropriate, but I usually check with a native speaker to make sure it's right.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Hunger Games (Gale/Madge, fandom of my heart, I love y'all dearly)

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Honestly, it's the single mom!Clarke/teacher!bellamy one (afraid to call this place our own) but because I've already talked about that, I'll say the land was godless and free, because goddamn do I love things set on the prairies in the 1930s and yes I know exactly how specific that is, don't @ me.

I'll tag @mightbewriting and @niffizzle!

[lizacstuff]

Edser / Sen Cal Kapimi ep 30+ asks

(Asks under the cut)

@jan31 Hi Liza, in the fragman Selin was in a white dress, was it a wedding dress?

Hello! I don’t think so. I think that’s what she was going to wear to the dinner she’d planned for the four of them (from the fragman, Eda, Serkan, Deniz and herself) but BOOM goes the MELO. Thank you Melo, lock that witch away so Serkan and Eda are not haunted by her evil presence, and can maybe spend some time together. 

Though, you know, I wouldn’t mind if it was a wedding dress. We know Serkan ain’t gonna marry her, so if they go so far as to put her in a dress, then we’re on the precipice of her humiliation and departure which can’t come too soon for me. 

jan31 Hi Liza. Please can you explain to me the fireside scene. It was so beautiful, emotional and just what we needed. Were the lights going out representing his sub conscious and the darkness he feels, reaching out for Eda instinctively without realising why. And the lights coming on was the reality that he did not remember anything. Or am I completely going in the wrong direction? Oh and the music gets me every time 😢😢

That scene fired on all cylinders!! I definitely think you’re on to something thinking the lights coming on represented the reality of him still not having any memories back. I think the whole scene was Serkan trying to reconcile this one flash of memory that has been playing in his mind like a movie. He was re-enacting what he saw in his mind, trying to figure out if it was a real memory and if the real memory was about Eda.   

I really liked that it was Serkan who asked if they can talk without arguing. Being the calm, rational one is his role in their relationship, how many times have we heard him say “sakin” so it was comforting to see him taking those reigns for a few moments. Also for him to realize that almost all their exchanges had been heightened and fraught with explosive emotions and wanting to talk to her without that. 

Both Eda and Serkan with their eyes filled, brimming with tears really got to me. Serkan not really understanding as his heart took over and tried to make sense of what his confused mind couldn’t. Eda’s complete heartbreak when he still didn’t remember anything. However, though, she might not know it, he certainly felt something.

He’s already so drawn to her and he can’t compute why that is... why he fell in love with her during the time he can’t remember, but he’s slowly starting to see how it could have happened. This was an important scene for bridging that gap between them. So freaking beautiful, one of the best acted scenes of the entire series, and the scene that made this episode worthwhile. 

Anonymous said: if that scene in front of the fireplace made me so emotional and it was just him trying to remember.. trying to recreate that one moment he was flashbacks of... i cant imagine what the actual scene of him remembering will do to me. both their acting in that scene was something else.

Hande and Kerem were both absolutely fantastic in that scene. Really stellar. Their chemistry never disappoints, but here they were both right in the moment, very raw, very real. I’m impressed with the emotional range they both showed, kudos to both. If nothing else this story is giving them a lot to chew on as actors.

Anonymous said:  memory loss doesn't bother me that much if we can have beautiful scenes like the fireplace one. but the main couple is separated again, dating/fake dating other people and they don't have scenes enough to fall in love again

Well they made huge strides in two episodes. From Serkan not willing to even contemplate remembering her, to him sitting down and asking her to tell him a memory of their relationship and saying he wants to know about her and their love. And them having an absolutely beautiful, emotional, heartbreaking moment together. 

Serkan made other leaps as well. He went from wanting Eda out of the business to admitting she had talent and freaking out that she was planning to take a vacation. He was already coming up with every excuse to keep her in town and working. They argued as they did in early days, he had moments that obviously hit him as familiar (”I hate you Serkan Bolat.” “The feeling is mutual, lady.”) plus lemons and crusts. 

Don’t you worry, he’s already falling in love with her again. 

However, I wouldn’t judge what they’re planning too much by this episode. It felt like a transition episode and was pretty unevenly paced. Perhaps the claims of rewrites on this chapter had some truth to them. Because the last 4 episodes were pretty well written, narratively solid, and well paced, and this one was not. It was boring and everything not directly related to a scene where Eda and Serkan were alone was lackluster. 

Also I feel like some things were changed and perhaps removed to make allowances for Hande’s injury. She had a strained neck and was in a brace for almost the entirety of the filming of this episode. For instance, I’m pretty sure they did fewer takes with her in several scenes. Specifically you can tell in the scene where Serkan picks her up and carries her back.

We go no full wide angle shot from the front of him carrying her to match with the scene in episode 5. I’m sure they wanted that, but I’m guessing they really had to limit the takes of him picking her up so they couldn’t do multiple camera set ups.  The still photographer on set was able to capture it from the front, it’s a shame they couldn’t get the full hero shot for the show, but poor thing was injured and these things happen when you shoot on such tight timelines. 

So some of the lack of Edser could have been scenes that were shortened, cut, and amended due to that injury. And others could have been changes in the script perhaps as they figure out if they’re getting another ep order from Fox. 

Anonymous said: idk what they’re doing with Ceren but I really need them to keep Deniz as a genuinely good friend. He’s perfect and I don’t want them to make him sketch. Not sure if you’ve seen OTH but that’s the only other show I’ve seen with a great male-female friendship. Other parts of the show are messy to me right now but I’ve been loving this.

I guess my opinion would be unpopular with you, but I am not as enamored with Deniz as others seem to be.  Dude was putting a LOT of pressure on Eda to move on and forget Serkan. Serkan has been back approximately 3 days! HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND HAS AMNESIA. Can the woman have a chance to catch her breath and assess the situation, before her “good friend” is pressuring her every which way to forget him??  And planning romantic getaways under the guise of friendship? That’s not being a friend, that’s being an opportunist, looking for his chance to slide in there. 

So, yeah, I’m not as impressed as most seem to be with Deniz. He made me uncomfortable with that. I hope it was not a harbinger of things to come. 

As for OTH, I haven't really watched, but its a fav or my bud @echoapothecary so she might be willing to discuss that show.

Anonymous said: Any chance they decide to throw Melo and Ferit together? I don't care about any of the other side romances going on but these two still have their rights in my book in regards to Edser and they seem like genuinely people?

Let’s do it, baby! I’m on board They both are genuinely good people, and I’m with you, I don’t care about any of the side romances at the moment. Piril and Engin put me to sleep this episode. 

Ferit certainly deserves better than psycho Selin, but he also deserves better than petulant Ceren. And while her behavior escalated to WTF levels this ep, she’s always leaned a little this way. I think it was episode 18 (because the girls were in the library before Serkan finds Eda there) that Ceren was furious at Ferit all episode and I honest to goodness had no clue why or what he did. 

Anonymous said: at first sçk was about women supporting women and we have one best friend turning against the other FOR A MAN. I'm so disappointed the writers are destroying characters one by one.

No this show has always been about the love story between Eda and Serkan, but it did have some nice female relationships as well. Can I tell you a secret? While I really like the girls dynamic, and hope they don’t destroy Ceren and Eda’s friendship, I really only care about 2 characters, and that’s Eda and Serkan.

So while I get your concern, and Ceren acted OUT OF HER DAMN MIND this episode, if she needs to be a casualty to keep things moving, so be it.  I mean I reserve the right to roll my eyes over it, but I’m not going to get too worked up about it. From the beginning Eda and Serkan were the only two characters that matter and they still are. 

Anonymous said: I'm kinda concerned that they're actually going to say the next episode takes place on Valentines Day because this would be the biggest timeline error yet. I know we've already been suspending belief here after they touched on New Years so quickly but umm, yeah....

I think you have to just give over to the timeline on this show and not do any math or calculations. We already had July to December take approximately 2 months in straight linear storytelling, LMAO.  

Also, if it is valentine’s day and that’s going to be their excuse to give us some actual romance, then I will take it, no complaints. To me that’s one of the easiest things not to be concerned about, because its never going to make sense. I’ll take the holiday themed episodes over strict adherence to the calendar any day. 

[zozophoenixxx]

Friendly reminders about The Flash⚡️

Things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀

✨Season 3✨

Flashpoint... oh gosh I used to hate this episode, I literally always skipped it but this time I'm gonna watch it you guys I promise😂

Nvm this episode might not be so bad, we get to see Barry all happy and with his mom and Dad and i-🥺

Omg do y'all remember in season 2 when Barry, Cisco and Harry went to E-2 to stop Zoom and Cisco said that he thought his doppelganger would be like a rich tech genius or sum like that... Not Cisco from flashpoint being a rich tech genius 🤭😃😂

Caitlin... She's a pediatric eye doctor🤭🥲😂 (flashpoint)

Wow wtf I had completely forgotten about Julian 😳

I swear I hate it when they mess so much with the timeline, I just can't keep up

West-Allen kiss count (approximately): 30😘

⬆️ approximately bc I might have messed up 😅

Wow I thought season 3 was all savitar, I did not remember alchemy

Rival, Magenta (portrayed by Joey King, we love her),ɹǝʇsɐɯ ɹoɹɹıɯ and top, monster, shade, plunder, abra cadabra

OK Y'ALL I JUST NOTICED THAT IN THE MAGENTA EPISODE *breathes in* Barry and Iris go on their first date and electric love was playing... The fact that that's the song used in the trend where you kiss your best friend seems rights

Jesse got her powers 😃 we stan Jesse Quick⚡️

CECILE AND JOE I-🥺

Bro HR 🥺

Julian really was a b*tch at the beginning of this season, but his accent tho🥴🤤🥵

That height difference between Cecile and Joe is what I need in life I love them 🥰

Iris is such a badass bro I love her

Savitar is apparently the Hindu god of motion 🤭

Killer frost episode 🤭😃 I love the fact that Caitlin got powers but I still felt so bad for her like she didn't want that, she didn't want to hurt anyone 🥺

She really said some pretty hurtful things to Barry, he messed up everyone makes mistakes 🥺

Barry tricking Killer Frost into turning back into Caitlin was 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and then when she wanted to apologize and Cisco just hugged her and Joe too i- 🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺 I think that was the first time when we saw Joe And Caitlin hug 🥺

Julian's such an ass bro he really forced Barry to quit and he really did just to protect Caitlin

Y'all ever get chills or just overall goosebumps whenever the music from the other shows start playing in the crossovers? No? Just me? Cool just wanted to know 😅

Felicity fangirling is me

Also Diggle throwing up every time Barry takes him from somewhere is hilarious or just him being done with anything that's not normal 😂

Bro supergirl I- 🥴🤩

NO AND THEN SARAH AHDHAHHAHAA she really said "it's kinda hot" (referring to Supergirl being a bad ass) when they were training lmao I cantttt

Cisco was getting visions of Dante, who was actually Savitar, and was manipulated into opening the box which brought Savitar out and really if it hadn't been for Caitlin, Barry and Wally would've been killed

DANG CECILE AND JOE JUST KISSED WOWWW😁

Their apartment i-

HR really got them a turtle named McSnurtle y'all i-

GYPSY

That scene where they told Joe that Iris was meant to die in the future was so🥺😞😩 I don't even know how to describe it

wally and Jesse were cute 🥺🥰🤌

Cisco and Harry were kinda mean to HR🥺

Grodd just tried to kill Joe and Harry and Cisco came up with a way to see into Grodd's memory through Joe and Istg Joe's face lmao, he's just so done with everything 😂

Dang Grodd's plan really was to kill everyone with nuclear missiles by controlling that military guy and Barry had to try every password combination to stop it just like he did in season 1 or 2 (idk lmao) when he was helping Snart and his father with a robbery

Y'ALL BAHSHHHAHAHA I love GYPSY she really just straight up kissed Cisco and went like "even if I did [like you] you couldn't handle me"

AND CISCO was all like "I'll marry that woman"😩😳😂💀

BARRY DID NOT JUST PROPOSE

Y'ALL WHAT I THOUGHT THIS WAS WAY LATER

I love that scene where they tell everyone 🥺

Bro why was Barry always so mean to Wally like I know he was stressed out about Iris but bro it wasn't Wally's fault 🥺

OMG JULIAN JUST KISSED CAITLIN🥺 they're adorable

Wally did watch Iris die

Jesse moved to E-1 when she was dating Wally for a bit and she stayed at Joe's house with the both of them

Savitar used The Greek myth of Atla to explain why he needed Wally to get out of the speed force ➡️ Atla can't let go of the sky without having someone take it from him.

Ok so by taking a part of the philosopher stone before it was thrown into the speed force, Caitlin technically kept Savitar from coming back. So if Wally hadn't had those visions where Savitar manipulated him into throwing that little piece of rock into the speed force... He wouldn't have been able to escape

That was kinda hard to explain. Idek if it made sense I'm sorry y'all I'm not good with words 😂

I love Harry 🥺

NOT EDDIE IN THE SPEED FORCE 😳

Ok y'all but whenever y'all watch it or rewatch it, there's this very cute and funny scene in S3 E16 min 17:00 between Caitlin And HR where she takes away his drumstick and he just takes out another one but it's very adorable because they keep messing around🥺

Bro the speed force was really being b*tch to Barry when he was trying his best to save everyone and change the future 😩😞

And Jesse was so mean to HR on Ep16🥺

Jay saved them 🥺

Ok relationships are so confusing wtf

THE MUSICAL EPISODE, MON-EL, SUPERGIRL OMG ITS BEEN A WHILE WTH!! Imma rewatch supergirl too😃

Melissa Benoist is so gorgeous 🥴🤩

The way Barry looked at her when she was singing I-

I love their friendship but I kinda ship them too🥺

OH I REMEMBER! this guy was trying to teach them a lesson about love, because they were both having relationship problems

He was also on glee. THE 3 OF THEM! I-

Darren Criss, I didn't know his name

I love this episode

Cisco and Winn And Malcolm singing and dancing, this couldn't get better

Omg I would love to see a Winn-Cisco-Felicity trio. I feel like they would work so great together 😁

IRIS AND MON-EL well actually Tommy Moran and Millie

Their fathers being gangsters is hilarious and their accents 😂

Everyone's facial expressions when John revealed that he was also an Alien 😂

Millie having 2 dads and those being Stein and Joe is great lmao although I never knew if it was because they were hay or it was more like Barry's situation 😂

JOE AND STEIN SINGING AND BARRY IN THE BACK Y'ALL IM🤭🤩🥺

I never thought I needed this 🥰

THEIR DUET IS COMING VDXHSBFVDHA

THEY'RE DANCING 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

This is officially one of my favorite episodes 😃

When they got shot they were very worried for each other and I just love their friendship

HE'S ABOUT TO PROPOSE, HE'S SINGING AHHHHH

COME RUNNIN HOME TO YOUUU 🎶🥺

I really liked how in the episode where Caitlin gets hurt when Abra Kadabra throws a bomb, Julian's the one to operate on her and Iris is right there with him trying to help out, even though they weren't truly friends until later on it shows that they're all really a family

And also Wally and Barry carrying her to the room 🥺

Also the fact that it was Caitlin guiding Julian through her own surgery shows how strong and amazing she is I love her 🤩

Caitlin (killer frost actually) is the 1st to know who Savitar is

BRO CECILE JUST TOLD JOE SHE LOVES HIM AND HE DIDNT- this got too ~umconfy~

Bro killer frost's outfit is pretty hot 🤩

Cisco was afraid of killing Caitlin on accident and that's why he didn't shoot her whenever they were trying to get her🥺

"She's my best friend... And I'd rather it be me than her"

I love him. And I love their friendship.🥺😞

BAHSHAHHA do y'all remember when they erased Barry's memories?

He's hilarious

JAHSHAHAJAJ and now they left him alone with Wally who told him they're basically brothers AND BARRY STRAIGHT UP GOT HIS HAND OUT OF HIS POCKET AND LOOKED AT HIS SKIN COLOR I-

Barry loved anime

He's so happy without his memories, he's gone through so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Snart prevented Barry from killing King Shark

HR and Tracy 🥺

The way HR blamed himself after he told Savitar where Iris was and the fact that he does end up saving her at the end is...🥺

Bro I felt really bad for Savitar later

But then he betrayed and 🙂

And now Barry just left

I swear I hated this cliffhanger sm

Cause whenever I started watching it this was the last season and I-

Also Iris killed Savitar

[lantur]

3 Things please (as long as you are comfy with these asks)! 1) how did you and your fiance meet? 2) what do you love about your job? 3) where is your favorite place you've traveled?

:) thank you for the ask, friend! 

1: Derek and I met on OKcupid! We’re both shy people who weren’t really able to date in the “conventional” way. After approximately five million terrible OKC and Tinder dates (lmao, actually about 20) I was so ready to give up on online dating and resign myself to a life of being single forever. Then I saw Derek’s profile, and saw that one of his favorite book series he mentioned was a book series I recently finished and loved - the Mistborn trilogy, by Brandon Sanderson. 

I messaged him to say hi, and that I also loved fantasy novels and board games (another thing he mentioned in his profile). He sent me a sweet message back later that night, and honestly, I started developing a crush on him after his first message back to me. :’) None of the other people I ever interacted with on online dating were so friendly and thoughtful and such good communicators. 

2: My grandfather had Parkinson’s disease, so I know how hard it is to live with PD. I also used to work in assisted living & memory care for people with dementia, so I saw how dementia can take such a toll on the person living with it, as well as their family members. 

I feel like SO much more should be done, on a national level, and by states, by cities, by communities, to support people and families living with conditions like dementia and PD. I like knowing that I can help provide that education & support in the small ways that I can. You can catch me always complaining about meetings, but the truth is that I’m extremely passionate about my job and I hope to do it for the rest of my career. 

3: My favorite place I’ve traveled, hands down, was Taiwan. Taipei specifically. It’s the best non-Derek-related memory of my life, and it made me realize how passionate I am about traveling and experiencing different cultures. I loved everything about the things I saw and experienced - especially visiting the temples and the night markets. As a solo woman traveler, I also felt extremely safe for my entire time there. I can’t recommend traveling there enough, especially for solo women travelers. 

[magniloquent-raven]

Ooh for your prompts: Fluffy Elmax sleepover with cuddling for #16 pls :') xoxox

i had such a good time writing this omg thank you!!! tho there’s a couple bits that threaten to be angst because im physically incapable of writing pure fluff lmao. it’s just tiny bits tho. just a smidge.

also, because s4 isn’t out yet i uh. kinda just did a time skip but didn’t rly change anything about how s3 left off? i know we know hopper’s alive but like. i guess he’s just still in russia in this fic LMAO rip. don’t think about it too hard

posted on ao3 as well :)

—-

Max’s watch timer beeps obnoxiously again. 8:36. El’s late. She hits snooze.

“When’s your friend supposed to be here, sweetie?”

“Soon, mom. You know, you and Neil don’t have to wait up.” They do this every time. Like Max isn’t almost seventeen and perfectly capable of being alone in her own damn house for five minutes. At this rate they’re going to be late for whatever thing it is they’re going to, and Neil will be even more of a bitch than usual.

Her mom glances over at him. He’s sitting in his armchair looking surly, checking his watch pointedly. Asshole.

“Well…I don’t think—”

Max hears a car pull up out front. “Oh, thank fuck,” she mutters, turning on her heel and marching out to greet the Byers’.

Joyce climbs out of the passenger seat as Max strides across the lawn. “Max, honey!” she waves, grinning bright, “How are you?” There’s always a…tone to how she asks that. Questions lurking under the surface that they don’t talk about. It makes Max’s insides all squirmy thinking about it, though she is on some level grateful for the concern.

Max stands on the curb, tugging on her earring. A habit by now. It’s both a comfort and a reminder. She got one hell of a lecture the day she came out of the bathroom with blood running down her neck and a safety pin in her earlobe, but she didn’t regret it for a second.

El slides out of the driver’s seat, her smile crinkling the corners of her eyes. Max watches her stand and adjust her shirt. She always looked good in yellow. “I’m good,” Max responds after a beat, and it’s honest for once.

The door behind her creaks. Probably her mom and Neil coming out of the house, hopefully to leave, finally. She doesn’t turn around, just steps into Joyce’s waiting arms and presses her face into her shoulder. Max is taller than her now, by a couple inches, so it hurts her neck a little, but it’s worth it.

Will’s still tucked away in the backseat, peering through the window, Max waves at him when she peeks up over Joyce’s shoulder.

Then El distracts her. “Your hair,” she says, gently tugging on a lock behind her ear. Max steps back from Joyce, and runs a hand through it, cheeks pink. Three years ago she’d hacked off all her hair with a pocket-knife, woke up the morning of Billy’s funeral with strands still stuck to her neck, locks hanging ragged across her forehead. Her mother had thrown a fit.

“Yeah, I cut it again,” Max says, like that wasn’t obvious. She’d let it grow out uneven and messy for a while, but she broke out the scissors again about a month ago. It’s neater than her last haircut, but not by much.

El’s hand is in Max’s hair again, dangerously close to her face. Max’s knees wobble a little.

“Bitchin’,” she says solemnly, after a few seconds of consideration.  

Max’s grin is blinding.

Her mother cuts in, before she can respond, gives her the usual talk about staying in the house and making sure she’s got her emergency numbers memorized. Then she bids them all a hasty, distracted goodbye. Her mom was never very comfortable about the Byers’. Probably something about Joyce’s too-knowing gaze, or the fact that El glares daggers at Neil every time he’s within range.

She’s doing it now. Watching him get into his truck with a quiet rage in her eyes. Joyce puts a hand on her elbow, and it doesn’t move until Neil’s truck has turned the corner at the end of the street.

“We should get going,” Joyce says, checking her watch. “Will wanted to be at Claudia’s an hour ago but we got caught up at Mike’s house, and, well, you know how it is,” she flutters her hands, approximating a shrug.

She hugs El goodbye, then pulls Max in for another one. “Call us if you need anything,” she says, pulling back and putting her hands on Max’s shoulders. That sad glint is in her eye again, and Max knows the offer extends beyond tonight.

“Thanks, Joyce, we will.”

By the time she’s taken the corner at the end of Cherry Lane Max’s watch is beeping again.

El glances down at it, a pinch between her eyebrows. “…Was that for me?”

“Uh.”

The confusion melts off her face, replaced by a cheeky grin. “It was!”

Max shuts the alarm off, cheeks burning. “Why were you guys at Mike’s for so long?” she asks. eager to change the subject. If the guys are meeting up at Dustin’s the delay wasn’t because Will and Mike were catching up, and, well, Mike and El’s relationship is…of interest to Max. For reasons.

El purses her lips. It’s a face that tells Max they’re gonna need to be sitting and cozy for this conversation because it’s gonna be a long one. So, she links their arms and pulls her inside.

An hour later they’re huddled under a throw blanket on the couch. El is giggling, face in her hands, and Max is wheezing around a mouthful of skittles.

“Oh, that’s so not funny,” she chokes out, trying not to spew candy everywhere, which brings about a fresh wave of laughter. El’s shoulders are shaking, brushing against Max’s and making her warm all over. God damn, she’s missed this.

“Then why are you laughing,” El replies, poking her side and smiling from ear-to-ear.

She’s beautiful, Max thinks. Her braid is half-undone, letting her hair curl around her face in gentle waves, and her eyes are bright. She looks happy, and Max holds on to that, keeps it all for herself because she did that, she made that happen. She might not have everything she wants from El, but she’ll take whatever she can get. Whatever El wants to give. And sometimes just her smiles are enough, enough to make Max’s chest constrict and her heart glow, because for now, she’s happy too.

She laughs again, in leu of a response. How can she not, when she feels so light she could float away, high on the soft strawberry scent of El’s shampoo and the way her cheek dimples when she grins. But she can’t say that, so she says, “Because it’s Mike,” and pokes El right back. “I’m legally obligated to laugh at his misfortune.”

They have a complicated friendship, which mostly boils down to her being willing to bail him out when he’s in shit, but only if she gets to make fun of him while she does it.

El wrinkles her nose a little, but her smile doesn’t dim, “You two are weird.”

She’s pretty sure it used to bother El, how much Mike and Max fought. Max can’t help but wonder if they’d have gotten along better if she wasn’t in love with his girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. Because she’d dumped him for good this time. Four months ago, apparently, though Mike was, until a few hours ago, under the impression it was temporary.

Max almost feels bad for him. Except she doesn’t. Apparently, he was a dick about the whole thing, so at least she has a solid reason not to.

“You love us,” Max scoffs. El may have broken up with Mike, but she’ll always love him in some way or another.

El’s expression softens, turns fond and sweet. She’s thinking about Mike, Max is sure, but the smile is still directed as her. Small victories. “I do,” she says quietly.

They order a pizza after that, and watch movies into the wee hours of the morning. By 3am Max’s throat is raw, and her stomach hurts from laughing (and too much pizza). It’s the most fun she’s had in a while. The Byers’ don’t visit as often as any of them would like.

Max isn’t even tired, but El’s head has been dropping onto her shoulder on and off for the past hour so she suggests they call it a night.

She knows that when the boys sleep over at each other’s houses they’ll take the floor, or the couch in the basement, anything but actually sharing a bed. As El wraps an arm around her waist and snuggles up with her under the blankets, Max takes a moment to wonder if that would be better or worse than this.

It always seemed so miserable to Max, how much boys have to limit themselves.  

But also…well, it might be easier sometimes. She wouldn’t have to deal with wanting things she shouldn’t want because El would be over there, and not right up in her space, hands warm and breath tickling Max’s ear. This is different than sitting thigh-to-thigh on the couch, it blurs the line more, and it’s the ambiguity that’s driving Max crazy.

She wasn’t tired before, but she’s wide-awake now.

Time creeps by strangely this late at night. Max isn’t sure how long she lays there, staring at the ceiling, trying to calm her pounding heart. El’s breath is steady, quiet, and her eyes are closed. Max is sure she’s asleep, she was so tired before.

Before she can stop herself her hand creeps up, brushes a strand of hair from El’s face.

Moonlit, she’s ethereal. There’s always been something otherworldly about El, with her big, dark eyes, always watching, boring holes into you with their intensity. Shadows play across her cheek, and Max tracks them for a while, absurdly jealous of moonlight.

She traces patterns on El’s forearm, the one resting on Max’s stomach, keeping her touch light so as not to wake her.

More time passes, and Max’s head feels heavy with sleep that won’t come. She’s groggy, leaning back but unable to keep her eyes closed.

She starts talking. Whispering. Remembering the times she read Wonder Woman comics to El until she fell asleep, and hoping, somewhere in her foggy brain, that it might work on herself too.

“You know… I always knew we’d be good friends. The second I heard your name I wanted to know you,” she murmurs, and draws a star on El’s wrist. “Didn’t know how badly I wanted until I saw you though. You were terrifying, and I loved it. And now…” Her eyes slide closed as she thinks. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met. You’re beautiful. Everything about you. And I love you…more than I should.” She sighs, sits in silence and cards her fingers through El’s hair. It’s getting so long.  

El’s hand closes around her wrist.

Max’s eyes fly open, and she stills, heart pounding. “Uh.” El’s eyes are open, looking up at her, she’s awake, she’s awake, oh fuck– “Um. Did—did I wake you up, I’m—sorry if I woke you—”

“It’s okay.” The corners of her mouth turn up, slow and careful, “I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

“Oh.” Is all Max can manage, staring down at El with wide eyes, waiting for her to…do something. Max’s palms are sweating. She doesn’t know what to expect.

El moves her hand, puts Max’s palm against her cheek and shuffles forward until they’re nose to nose.

“Oh.”

She tastes like toothpaste and kiwi lip balm, and kisses as sweetly as she smiles. Her hands end up in Max’s hair, fingers gentle but demanding, guiding her forward. If Max wasn’t already laying down, she’d need to be because her knees are jelly.

“Oh,” El echoes when she pulls back, laughter in her voice. She presses a chaste kiss to the corner of Max’s mouth, careful and deliberate. Then her expression softens, sobers. “I was jealous of you. At first. Didn’t…know what it was. Know why. So, I ignored you. And… I’m sorry.”

Max shakes her head, “Ancient history. It’s okay.”

“No, I,” El stops, furrows her brow, “You were so happy. Free. I wanted that. And then, then you helped me have that. So. Thank you.” She cups Max’s face, fingertips tracing along her cheekbone, and Max’s heart sings. “And I love you too.”

They kiss again, and Max decides that El sleeping on the floor would’ve been a terrible idea.

[battlestar-royco]

Let’s settle this once and for all: are the Illyrians MOC?

So, in writing the answer to this ask, I FINALLY put two and two together on something: another reason why SJ/M’s constant use of “golden-brown” to describe the I/llyrians doesn’t sit right is because that’s literally the only indication that they are MOC. Looking at fan art, it’s clear that some artists are going for a non-white skin tone. If so, then why don’t they look like MOC? Why is there so much contention and confusion around whether or not these men are white? I have been subconsciously baffled by this phenomenon for years, since AC0MAF came out in 2016. I don’t know why this took me so long to conclude, because people have been essentially saying the same thing about POC in SJ/M’s books since AC0MAF dropped, but here is the reason: in both the books and the art, their complexion is the only thing that indicates they are MOC. There’s a lot, as they say, to unpack here. This is gonna get long (seriously, RIP to your thumbs. I promise it’s half photos). Snip.

The Golden-Brown Suitcase

So. We have descriptions such as these (all emphasis mine; special thanks to @longsightmyth​ for pulling many quotes and citations!)...

1. about C/assian and A/zriel: “Like their High Lord, the males---warriors---were dark-haired, tan-skinned. But unlike Rhys, their eyes were hazel...”  (AC0MAF, pg. 140 B&N ebook).

2. “Cassian surveyed Rhys from head to foot, his shoulder-length black hair shifting with the movement” (140).

3. about A/zriel: “But the second male, the more classically beautiful of the two... Even the light shied from the elegant planes of his face” (140).

4. “I could have sworn Rhys’s golden-brown skin paled” (AC0WAR, pg. 223 Kindle edition).

5. “Color bloomed high on Azriel’s golden-brown cheeks” (254).

6. “I tried to catch Cassian’s gaze, but he was monitoring them closely, his golden-brown skin unnaturally pale” (280).

7. “But Nesta’s pale fingers gently probed his golden-brown skin” (514).

... spawning fan art en masse like this:

art courtesy: x x x

What’s wrong with this (these) picture(s)? They are white men with the complexions of MOC. The fandom (and thus artists) have nothing but “golden-brown” (a term that is notably introduced in AC0WAR, one installment after the I/llyrians first appear) to go on, so they default to imagining the I/llyrians as tanned Henry Cavill, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Viggo Mortensen types. You could simply lighten the value of the above artworks (but please DO NOT do this) and have white men. THIS is why, despite the golden-brown descriptor and the Darker-Than-Fayre skin tones in the fandom art, there is so much debate and confusion around whether or not the I/llyrians are MOC. Golden-brown skin with straight black hair, straight noses, and round light eyes do not a man of color make. Why not? Because “golden-brown” is a very nebulous term that can apply to countless skin tones and ethnicities. Some examples (... your THUMBS I’m so sorry slafajklsk):

^ Indian,

^ Mexican,

^ Guatemalan,

^ Hawaiian,

^ Afro-Caribbean,

^ and Filipino. For starters.

Now, why is it that upon first glance, you can tell that all the men in these photos are not white? Because race is constructed such that we can immediately identify it, whether subconsciously or consciously. We’re socially conditioned to recognize this in other people and immediately ascribe our own perception of their race and ethnicity onto them. Not only can you tell they are not white, but you also have a ballpark idea of where in the world they are from. Note the wide variance in thickness and texture of hair (head, facial, and body); the cool and warm undertones that change by the person; the wide, ridged, and/or downturned noses; eye shape, body type etc. So why can’t we put a finger on what the I/llyrians are supposed to look like as MOC? Why do so many people perceive them as white? Because SJ/M has no target ethnicity for the I/llyrians, meaning that they have no clarifying features to imply one specific ethnic background in the text or fan art. All we know for sure about the I/llyrians is that they are dark-haired, darker complected than the A/rcheron sisters, and they pale and blush. Vagueness regarding race always causes fandom to default to white, thus the general “tan white dudes” interpretation of the I/llyrians.

The Illyrian Suitcase

We’ve now come across another suitcase within this entire I/llyrian Ethnicity Moving Truck of stuff we need to unpack: the smidge of evidence that the I/llyrians are inspired by somewhere in the MENA region. Given the harem pants and henna-reminiscent tattoos that appear in the Nite Court, plus the mosques and clothing that appear in fandom edits and art, general “MENA” may be the closest approximation to I/llyrian ethnicity. However, the problems snowball from here.

1. The MENA label is far too general to treat as one single race/ethnicity. General fandom perception/depiction of I/llyrians does not nearly encompass the multitude of appearances someone could have if they are from the MENA region. Harem pants and henna are used in multiple countries, so it is impossible to pin down a non-monolithic appearance with just the Nite Court attire and “golden-brown” description.

2. The Nite Court and the I/llyrians are two separate entities. Not all V/elaris residents are I/llyrian, not all Nite courtiers are I/llyrian, and not even all Inner Circle members are I/llyrian. Therefore, we cannot conflate the Nite clothing and tattoos with I/llyrian culture.

3. This leads me to my next point: we still have white and non-I/llyrian characters wearing harem pants and tattoos. Fayre, M0r, and A/mren’s attire is not culturally meaningful to the Nite Court. It also clashes with sweaters and leggings, dresses made of chiffon, bell sleeves, and Elie Saab-reminiscent designs (ie Starfall, Court of Nightmares). Thus, the attire loses all internal consistency and meaning beyond the mood SJ/M wishes to set for a given scene, making the implication that their outerwear is meant to be sexy or aesthetic rather than culturally significant.

4. The I/llyrians as a race of POC meaninglessly perpetuate stereotypes. Granted, sexism exists in high fae society (ie Fayre being paraded as “Rice’s whore” in the CoN, M/or being treated as a commodity and broodmare, the lack of High Ladies), so the misogyny and violence against women are not unique to I/llyrians. We also get more than one I/llyrian main character, so they are not a complete monolith. But there are still issues. One, the I/llyrians are oppressed by the high fae. It is well documented that the high fae are the dominant race and look down upon lesser fae. This dichotomy has yet to be unpacked by SJ/M. Two, I/llyrian women are oppressed by I/llyrian men (wing-cutting, commodification, gender roles, etc). There are absolutely zero fleshed out I/llyrian women, so the only information we have about their experience and existence is through Fayre’s eyes and Rice’s word. This framing is white feminist at best, white savior-y at worst. Three, we only know I/llyrians who have assimilated into high fae culture. Rice, the High Lord, is half high fae and half I/llyrian. Only he and his friends, I/llyrians who have been “elevated” from bastard/oppressed I/llyrian status, know better than the other more “savage” I/llyrians. Coincidence? I think not.

The Lucien Suitcase

All this gets even more confusing when you consider the fact that SJ/M uses “golden-brown” as a blanket non-white coding tool. In the T0G series, at LEAST the following characters are described as golden-brown: S/artaq (T0D, pg. 345 Kindle edition), Nesrin (K0A, 180), and Irene (403). In AC0WAR, at LEAST the following are described as golden-brown: the I/llyrians, Vassa (685), and L/ucien (183, 302, 456). Our best approximation is that S/artaq and Nesrin are South Asian given their southern continent origin, Irene is part-black given her E/yllwe father, Vassa is... golden brown, and L/ucien is part black and part white. The term is used so frequently that it is meaningless as an indicator for race. We’ve again found the golden-brown suitcase, which in SJ/M’s novels encases allll the aforementioned ethnicities and more. Again, this causes very anglicized and/or inconsistent looks to pop up in fan art:

x

x

x

Conclusion

it seems that the I/llyrians are MOC, based on the fact that they and other POC are frequently described as “golden-brown.” That said, the golden-brown descriptor is not enough. The I/llyrians do not serve their purpose as representative characters because they are not easily identifiable to their target demographic, nor are they a positive representation. In a social context where we are so trained to recognize these things, explicit media representation is much preferred, if not necessary. It is the reader’s prerogative---namely, non-white readers’ prerogative---to interpret these characters how they wish. We’d be unpacking a whole other house if we were to go into the meaning behind L/ucien as a black man, Irene as a black woman, Nesrin as South Asian, etc, and that is for another day. Thanks so much for reading all this way if you got this far. I know I’m extra, sorry. The creative writing/women’s and gender studies major jumped out lmao. My inbox is always open if you want to parse that out or if you have any further questions!

[skruffie]

I may have acquired two (2) points of contact for trying to see if there is more info on Katherine before 1870.

I had messaged one of my acquaintances in Yurok country about culturally specific protocols if I were to seek knowledge from an elder when it’s safe for my family to come visit, and then after we talked about that we got into a bit of genealogy stuff. I had contacted her a couple years ago when I saw a match come up in my cousins list with one of her relatives, though we had a hard time figuring out how we could have been related.

The closest I think I have for whereabouts her village was determining it is around the Orick area, or Dry Lagoon. A while back I had messaged someone about a cousin match who had the theory that a woman named Mary Donnelly on the 1880 census was Katherine’s sister, as they lived very close by (they were on the same page of the census, born in approximately the same area, were a few years apart in age), which can explain that connection. 

There was also a historical practice of half and full marriages which helps determine what village someone is from. 

We got into her asking me if I knew someone and I was like “....... that name is really familiar, hold on a sec” and realized that it was the name on a family tree for someone we’ve matched with as cousins as well LMAO but there’s no new information there. So my friend was like “hmm BIA or the tribe itself would be the best route to go”. A while back I emailed the tribe I think with a more vague question about if they have some kind of database or universal family tree to see where everyone is from and they suggested enrollment could be helpful for me, but it’s not an option. I did call the BIA once and left a message and they never got back to me, so like welp

ANYWAY

when I mentioned those roadblocks she gave me two specific names and said that for stories specifically I could ask one of them, and also by law she would be obligated to help?? THPO works with non tribal members on these kinds of inquiries and to be honest I didn’t even know what THPO even meant until she mentioned it, but it looks like I have another way to see what I can find aside from spending hours reading every single name on the 1852 census for a match.