#although having to wait 2 years for her is gonna suck..

[rare-prism-s]

YIPPEE

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

Topper’s sister (one or two years younger you pick) who does Only Fans and Rafe finds out. He subscribes and watches her content (because she’s hot and off limits since she’s Topper’s little sister) in secret, then blackmails her saying he’s gonna tell Topper. One weekend, she comes to Rafe and Topper’s place to surprise Topper for his birthday, but he’s not there and rafe blackmails her into giving him a blowjob

This is the longest work I've written in a while, I hope you enjoy

p.s. There is a possibility to make a part 2 for this one. Let me know if you are interested

Warnings: 18+, smut, blackmail, oral (m receiving),

—

After showering, Rafe tossed his towel into the hamper and fell on his bed. Topper was out with Cynthia — or maybe it was Vanessa —, which left him alone for the night. Rafe wasn’t complaining though, being alone was nice sometimes. Especially when he wanted to jerk off. 

He could have done it in the shower, but having visual material made the release better. 

Phone in hand, Rafe scrolled for something to watch. Sadly, none of the girls he was following had put up new content, so he looked for new accounts. He found a cute one, brunette with blue eyes, but she had overly huge tits and Rafe wasn’t into that — no offense to the girl. He almost went looking elsewhere when his eyes caught a familiar face.  

Rafe hit the profile and the biggest smirk turned on his lips. 

No fucking way. 

‘’Caught your dirty little secret,’’ he said to himself, his blue eyes staring at the free photoset you had to attract subscribers. Your sheer white bra left not much to the imagination and the curve of your ass had Rafe’s cock twitching. He’s been wanting to hit it since you wore that bikini at this beach parry last summer. 

Without hesitation, he subscribed and opened the first video.

You were sitting cross-legged on your dorm bed with nothing but a baby pink bodysuit, which hugged your figure perfectly. Your hard nipples were poking through the thin fabric, as if they were trying to say ‘hello’ to your viewers. You winked at the camera as your right hand slowly went down your chest, making a show of pinching your covered nipple and catching your bottom lip with your teeth as you let out a little moan. 

The sound made Rafe grip his cock and start to slowly jerk it. He was weak for nice tits…and yours were very nice. 

You pulled your other breast free from the fabric, your delicious nipple popping free as you asked the camera if they'd like to suck on them. Without waiting for an answer — not that you would be getting any since it was pre-recorded —, you looked down at it and dribbled spit onto yourself. 

 If Topper knew he was jerking off to his little sister, he would rip his head off. 

And your parents? If they knew about your secret online business, they would cancel all payments to your prestigious college and bring your ass back to Kildare. Dr. Cynthia Thornton’s daughter could not be part of the world of prostitution. It would look terrible for their name. 

Normally, Rafe loved to ruin people’s lives just for fun, but he was enjoying the view too much. All the photo-sets of you in delicate lingerie, the occasional topless ones, the close-ups of your fingers — and sometimes toys — in your pussy and the sweet moans that came from your mouth every time you were pleasuring yourself were part of his night routine. As perverted as it sounded. 

Weeks passed, and soon Topper’s birthday was coming up. The boys planned on going out to a club and celebrating there, but the plan changed when you showed up to your brother’s apartment for a birthday surprise.

‘’Where’s Top?’’ you asked, walking in like it was your own place. 

With a frown on his face, Rafe watched and closed the door behind you. ‘’At the gym with Braxton,’’ he replied. ‘’What are you doing here?’’ 

‘’Am I not allowed to surprise my brother for his birthday?’’ 

‘’We already have plans, and you’re not part of it.’’ 

Although Rafe had reserved a private booth, there was no way Topper would allow you to come to the club. 

Brushing off his objection, you grabbed your small suitcase and scanned the apartment. ‘’Where’s the guest bedroom?’’

‘’Here,’’ Rafe said, pointing at the couch. 

‘’I’m not sleeping on the couch.’’ 

‘’We turned the third bedroom into a gaming room. It’s the couch or the floor. You pick.’’ 

You raised an eyebrow, considering your options. The floor got crossed immediately — women do not sleep on floors. The couch, although soft and comfortable looking, had probably been used to have sex. It was a college boys apartment. 

‘’Then, I’ll be taking your bedroom.’’ 

 ‘’Absolutely not, Princess. This is my apartment, I'm not sleeping on the couch.’’

You crossed your arms, challenging his resistance. ‘’Come on, Rafe. I’m only staying for two days. I need to be back for Sunday, I have—’’ 

‘’Video content to film?’’ 

You gave Rafe a confused look to conceal your inner panic. ‘’A paper due Monday,’’ you said.

Rafe leaned against the couch, his eyes scanning you up and down. ‘’I know about your dirty little secret,’’ he said smugly, explicit images of yourself flashing in his head. ‘’I found your Only Fans account last month. By the way, you look better in light pink than sapphire blue, it washes you out.’’

At this very moment, you wished you could disappear with a snap of your fingers. With the details he was providing, it was impossible that Rafe was bluffing. You thought your account was well hidden, that your username was well thought and would never give you away. How did he find you? 

Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment, looking at Rafe with knives for eyes. 

‘’You didn’t think anyone would find out, did you?’’ 

‘’Did you tell Topper?’’ 

Fear started creeping in your stomach at the thought of Topper knowing about that part of your life. 

Rafe shook his head. ‘’Your secret’s safe with me…on one condition.’’ 

You rolled your eyes. Nothing was ever free with Rafe. He always wanted something in exchange. 

The corner of his mouth curled and you shook your head immediately, easily guessing what he had in mind. ‘’Absolutely not.’’ 

‘’Come on. I’m keeping my mouth shut, the least you can do is open yours.’’ 

Your jaw dropped at his crude words. ‘’That’s blackmail!’’ 

Rafe shrugged, not caring that he was playing dirty. ‘’You do what you want. I’m not gonna be the one in trouble after I make a little call to Topper to tell him his little sister opens her legs for money—’’ 

‘’Fine,’’ you said, gritting your teeth.

Somehow, this was more embarrassing than anything you had done on camera. 

Swallowing your pride, you kneeled before him, trying to ignore the cocky winning smile on Rafe’s face as you came face to face with his clothed lower region.  He was already thick behind his sweatpants — you could see the outline through the gray fabric.

Taking a deep breath, you pulled his sweatpants down, uncovering his cock and balls. You gulped at the sight. He was long and thicker than average, which explained where his confidence came from — aside from his daddy’s big money.

‘’Like what you see?’’ Rafe asked, proud of his appendage. 

Without breaking your annoyance, you rolled your eyes. You couldn’t let him know that you were impressed by his size. He would never let you live this one down.

You wrapped a soft palm around his shaft, letting your thumb stroke over his tip and back down until he reached full hardness. Reluctantly, you dipped your head and took the head into your mouth, swirling your tongue and tasting the pre-cum that leaked from it before going to the base of his shaft. You didn’t take everything into your mouth — yet —, but tried to fit as much as you could. 

A soft groan left Rafe's mouth, feeling the pleasure of yours. His hand came to the back of your head, gripping your hair into a ponytail and encouraging you to continue your movements up and down. You sped up your pace, saliva spilling from your mouth as precum leaked into your mouth and ran down your throat, secretly starting to enjoy yourself. 

You clenched your thighs together, wetness slowly pooling in your panties. 

Above you, Rafe moaned, his grip tightening on your hair as you slid down as deep as you could manage. ‘’That’s it, baby. Put that mouth to good use.’’ 

Had your mouth not been busy, you would have told him to get fucked. Instead, you let him fuck your mouth like you were a inflatable doll from a sex shop until your jaw was starting to ache and you had to pull away. 

Unsatisfied with your ungranted break, Rafe tapped his cock against your cheek, smearing pre-cum and saliva on your face. ‘’Did I tell you to stop?’’

‘’No, but—’’ 

‘’Then get back to business.’’ He pressed his cock against your mouth, but you didn’t let him in. ‘’Or…maybe I should call Topper and send him a link to your side business?’’

You sat on your heels, letting out a defeated sigh. ‘’My jaw hurts, okay? I can’t anymore,’’ you explained, although doubting Rafe would be compassionate. He didn't care about you, he just wanted to empty his balls. ‘’But maybe we can’t look at other options?’’ You pulled down the front of your shirt, exposing your bra to him.

Rafe's eyes darted down your chest, catching his bottom lip between his teeth knowing what was beneath your bra. ‘’I'm listening.’’

But before the negotiations could begin, you heard the apartment door opening: Topper was back. Quickly, you fixed your shirt and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand while Rafe pulled his sweatpants back up.

—

OBX taglist: @moralina @eudximoniakr @toylewestinnyc @rottenstyx  @sweeterheartxamerica  @jordierama @viridwityy @izzy-laufeyson @kenzi-woycehoski @lilaconner @Katsukis1Wife  @hawkegfs @mommyruuetrue  @acornacreacure @snownjune @nmedina8611 @slvtherinseeker  @slvtherinseeker @poppet05 @1stevelacyfan @illf4iry @withbeautyandrage  @maybankslover @sunflowerziva @laylasbunbunny @Honey-marvel15 @leoluvsur-pappy @slytherhoes @kcskye123 @outerbanksacc  @pedrosprincess  @mikaelsonsstuff  @skyesthebomb  @a1mzcruml3y @iluurmom  @popeheywardssecretgf  @madelynie  @loverofdrewstarkey  @radiant-whore  @outsider-at-hogwarts @luci1fer @bbycowboi @rafecameronsbadussy @urbfsbitchlol @nomorespahgetti @bloodyhw @Veescorneroftheworld  @papayaboyluvr @slytherinambitious @darylscvmdumpster @tommysaxes @johannelis2302nely @lynbubble  @straberryshortcake143 @beth-gallagher22 @doestalker @rubyliquor @theflcwer @angelxxrose @sierraluvzz @cruzgrecia @evelestrange @sunnysunny133696  @under-seasoned-pasta @hoeforsirius

All and more taglist:  @kenqki  @hawkegfs  @gillybear17   @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @laylasbunbunny @gemofthenight @beautyb1ade   @mellabella101 @vxnity713  @bisexualgirlsblog @queenofslytherin889 @thatbxtchesblog @softb-tterfly @ethanlandrycanbreakmyheart  @xyzstar  @graceberman3   @mikeyspinkcup @jackierose902109 @daisydark @laurasdrey @mischieftom @fanatic4niall @peterholland04 @idkwhattonamethisblogs  @lexasaurs634  @notasadgirlipromise @zoeynicolas @thejuleshypothesis @multi-fandom-bi-bitch @lexasaurs634  @notasadgirlipromise @thejuleshypothesis  @katherinejess  @rafesgirlstuff  @lafleshlumpeater @iamluminosity

[deangirlsstuff67]

Her Biggest Fan- Part 2

Jensen Ackles x Reader

Summary: Who doesn't love a good fantasy or escape from our normal lives. When Y/N started this online adventre she never dreamed it would land her smack dab in the path of her favorite actor. Is there a chance this fantasy might become reality? And will the reality live up to the fantasy?

Warnings: talk of trauma, talk about divorce, language, fluffy Jensen

Authors Note: Here's part two that you were waiting for guys! I hope you enjoy. I love Jensen and his family. This is purely fiction and for entertainment purposes only.

Catch up with part one here. | Masterlist

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Jay: Do you ever regret your marriage?

You get asked this question a lot. Although it’s usually by friends and family not a complete stranger you met online.

Jay’s the only client you have that knows the truth about what went down. It’s strange but you feel like he never lies to you, in return you don’t lie to him. You leave out personal details and such but he has a general idea of what went down in your life.

Me: No. sounds weird considering what happened but I don’t. For a long time we were happy and in love. We had two beautiful babies together and at the time he was everything I wanted. People grow apart, it happens. Does that make what they did right? No, but it did make getting over him a lot easier.

It’s the truth. I don’t have many regrets in life. I’ve lived it basically the way I’ve always wanted. Sure we all make mistakes, we’re human, but I wouldn’t change what happened for the world. At that time in my life my ex husband was everything I could have wanted or needed.

Those needs and wants changed as the years went on. I grew up and he basically stayed 18 years old. That led to fights and bickering, which eventually led to him chasing my best friend and her becoming the other woman.

The day he left I lost not only my husband but my friend. It sucked. But again, I wouldn’t change how it happened. She was very much not a friend if she was willing to destroy my family instead of telling him to back off when he started flirting with her.

She’s just as much to blame as he is. I do hate her more though. I’ll be waiting to watch karma kick her ass in time.

Jay: That’s what I like about you, a horrible thing happens to you and here you are looking at the good side and taking the positive from it. So many people would be shallow and vindictive.

Me: Haha don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my moments within this divorce where I wasn’t close to happy go lucky or I was screaming at her in her drive way. I ain’t no angel. But in the long run I don’t get the point in living life in misery. I’m happy with myself and my life, my kids are happier, that’s all that matters to me.

Jay: You’re a good mom you know that.

Me: Jay, baby you don’t know me.

Jay: I know enough :) from what you say, I don’t need to know you in person. People who aren’t good parents don’t talk about their kids like you do. You put your own emotions away to make sure they have a good life… trust me that isn’t a common thing.

Me: fucking should be. Why have kids if you’re gonna be selfish.

Jay: There are people out there who have kids with their partners because either they thought it would save their relationship or they believed it was what the other wanted and wanted to make them happy. There are many reasons I'm sure, I think as you do however, shouldn't have them unless you want to be a parent and enjoy the good as much as the bad fo parenthood.

Me: Sorry if this is prying too much but you sound like you are talking from experience?

Jay: Guess I am sweetheart.

Me: Would you want to talk about it?

The two of you have been chatting for months now. You've grown close, you also don't intrude into his personal life unless he brings it up himself. This is why you don't if he's married, have kids, or in general who he is.

By no means is it that you don't want to get to know him on a deeper level, at the end of the day though that isn't why most of these men pay you and you know that.

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It's Friday and your best friend is out on the farm today with her kiddos. The two of you are working on fixing some of your fencing today as the kids run like lunatics in the field.

"He's married with kids?"

"Three of them apparently."

"How do you feel about that?" I love how concerned she is for my mental health and heart. I can guarantee properly over half of my clients are married, I'm also guessing a lot of kids. The way I see OnlyFans is no diifferent than porn. Men and women use it to escape or relax for a moment.

I love her concern for me but there is no reason for it. Jay is a great distraction and escape from my hectic life. He's amazing to chat with but I'm by no means shocked he has a wife and kids.

Lighting a smoke, we take a break from the job at hand, "I'm not shocked, most of the guys I talk with probably are honestly. It's not a dating website by any means."

"He seems perfect though, just so weird to imagine him married now."

"Thats where they fantasy comes in to play girl. That's the whole point."

Your phone dings on the back of your truck.

Jay: How's fencing going darling?

Me: Good, taking a break right now. Watching the kids be crazy in the field.

Jay: So jealous right now :)

Me: Haha jealous of me sweating, arms sore from hammering in staples and stretching fencing? God what are you doing that this sounds better to you haha?

Jay: We have family over for the weekend. There isn't a moment of peace today. I am hiding in my bathroom right now.

Me: Family is nice once in a while though. I do understand the peace thing.

Jay: Family isn't the problem sweetheart.

Me: Then what is?

Jay: Umm...

.....

Moments passed and the bubbles at the bottom of the screen and disappear repeatedly before they are gone for a couple minutes.

Going back to the task at hand you can't shake the feeling that he is struggling with something much worse than he has let on in the past.

Ding.

Grabbing you're phone you are shocked when a paragraph comes through.

Jay: My marriage hasn't been the best the last couple years. We are staying together for the kids. However, we haven't shared any of the problems with anyone in our family or friends, keeping up the happy couple facade is tiring. She tries too hard to show that we love each other still when in reality for years we've been sleeping in seperate rooms, barely interacting, I throw myself into work more and more. However, divorce is tricky considering how our life is.

Wow. You weren't expecting that at all. Would explain why he had no problem opening up and getting close with you as much as texting each other daily allows.

Me: Divorce sucks no matter why it happens. Trust me I know how that feels. I also understand the drama that can come from friends and family. All I can say is if you aren't happy Jay, suffering to keep your family together for your kids sake will be more damaging for them than you and your wife being miserable together.

Jay: It goes beyond that.

Me: What do you mean?

There is a pause again after you press send. Your friend looking at you with a confused look on her face, "What's up?"

"Oh just stuff Jay and I are talking about. He's confessing some shit to me is all and I'm trying to help him as best as I can."

She doesn't press because she knows I don't tell her personal information. I share vague details or stuff that I have said to him but nothing more. You're clients pay for you to keep your mouth shut about what they say or do. Unless it's something dangerous or concerning there is no reason to run my mouth with information people trust me to keep to myself.

We are working on the last strand of fencing when your phone goes off again about 10 minutes later.

Your phone tells me its an image that has been sent.

Oh my fucking god, he is going to reveal who he is to me. You are both excited and scared to open the message. You aren't sure why he would send a photo in response to what you sent to him, but you know he has a reason for it.

Half figuring it may be a dick pic to get you both off the heavy subject and create a fun atmosphere for you to play in again. Opening his message thread, you're jaw fucking drops as you stare at your screen.

What the fuck.

No god damn way is this real.

There sitting on your texting thread is a photo of a beautiful, green eyed man with a sad smile on his face. The selfie has been taking in a bathroom, assuming it's the one he's currently hiding in.

For the past 5 months you've been playing out this fantasy in your head everytime the two of you text to one another. Dear god you've seen his cock hard, soft, leaking pre cum, and full on cumming from the images you have placed in his mind. Turns out your fantasy has been reality.

You've been getting close with Jensen Ackles... Jensen fucking Ackles pays to talk with you every freaking day. You brain miss fires as you try to understand the reality that has hit you square in the face.

Me: Wow. I'm not going to lie that was the last thing I was expecting when I opened your message. With that being said I understand what you mean about it being more complicated, that still doesn't mean that you have to live a miserable life because of who you are. Yes, you are famous. You are still just a human and you deserve to live a life full of happiness and excitement and adventures. To love someone who loves you back just as much. Someone who would be honoured to lay next to you and talk about what you did at work that day.

Jay: Does this change things between us?

Me: Fuck no! I mean we've talked about how I'm a fan of your shows, so if it does for you than I would understand. As for me, I'm going to treat you as I do normally. Hate to break it to you Jensen, you're just a guy ;)

Jay: Fuck me woman. You are incredible you know that. Most woman would find out who I am and completely freak out. They would treat me different and try so hard to impress me. You on the other hand, you humble me with one sentence haha.

Me: You're a human. You have a good job, that you are great at. You are a dad. You have good days and bad days. You are funny, smart, make dumbass choices, and live a life you want. You are like everyone else. My guess is the last thing you want is someone who has spent numours nights making you cum and seeing your cock fan girl over you.

Jay: Yeah that would be awkward. Thank you sweetheart. So I have to ask, I'm guessing -your screen name- isn't your real name, any chance I can know your actual name?

Me: It's y/n.

Jay: Beautiful name for a beautiful woman :) I should get back out there. Talk later?

Me: Of course. I'm here when you need me Jay.

Your friend left a few hours later. You made supper for your kids and dropped them off with your ex husband for the weekend. By the time you got home Jensen has messaged you again. You can't fight the smile that crosses your face when his name pops up on your screen.

You never thought your fantasy would ever become a reality.

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Read Part Three Here

Taglist:

@impala67rollingthroughtown @bitchykittenconnoisseur @deansimpalababy @jayhalsteadfan-2417 @lessons-of-red @spnaquakindgdom @yvonneeeee @syrma-sensei @nancymcl @tspmoff @idontwannabehere78 @foxyjwls007 @senjoritanana @leigh70 @neii3n @maggiegirl17 @jamerlynn @mostlymarvelgirl @kimxwinchester @multiversefanfics @supershygirl @justwhisperingfantasies

[cloveroctobers]

FEBRUARY FLUFF — CARMY BERZATTO.

A/N: so carmy won this time around!!! Thanks to all those that voted and ultimately made this decision for me lol. Hope you guys enjoy this and have a safe, healthy, and happy love season 🩷 + yes this is a mixture of fluff and angst...i mean come on! I wouldn't be me if i didn't include that in here somewhere!

PROMPTS ARE FROM HERE + HERE & I’m using: 1. “…Okay, so the only way for us to enjoy that huge discount is to act like we’re dating.” “What, so you’d fake date me for discounted food but you wouldn’t real date me even though I could take you out to the best restaurants out there in town every fucking night if you wanted me to?”  + always giving the other the first bite of their food < or the last.

WARNINGS/SN: I wrote with a black or brown reader in mind although reader isn't physically described + they’re given a name only when mentioned, language is a thing here duh!, this is LENGTHY, lots of timelines: reader + nat became friendly before season 1 during the summer prior to 7 fishes which is estimated to be five years before season 2, reader knows of carmy due to past work, I feel like she can be just a few year(s) older than carmy but younger than nat—there’s a age gap for the Berzatto’s anyways, sexual relations are mentioned, this piece takes place months after the grand opening, & finally there’s a possible chance for a poly relationship or maybe just multiple crushes going on? Take that how you will.

𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡

it was a Sunday.

The kind of Sunday you woke up embarrassed about but knew you had to swallow your pride and just send out that text. You knew you wouldn’t be judged regardless reaching out to Fak because he’s built to deal with things like this and never made you feel like shit about anything.

You usually had to squeeze it out of him to get him to lay out any cons about a situation but appreciated most times when he didn’t. Your minds been going haywire with a recent assignment as a food journalist and it really slipped your mind, although you were usually a quick thinker, you’ve been stressed over this recent restaurant. Thankfully it clicked for you after throwing a tantrum to simply reach out to Fak to come help you out.

The stupid lever in your bathroom decided to stop flushing on you and of course you panicked. Who wouldn’t panic in a situation like that? You no longer had a roommate and strongly debated if you even wanted to search for another; after the shady actions of the previous one, so you really didn’t have to worry about them giving you shit either. (Let’s see if your rent feels the same next month!)

It was just you in the end and perhaps you were learning to be okay with that.

Yet that didn’t stop you from FaceTiming Sydney about it. “Hey Siddy, how’s your day going?”

“Pretty good, yours?” She politely asked as she moved down the hallway of her shared apartment to prop her phone on the pedestal sink, moving around her functioning bathroom to grab some oil to grease her scalp.

Smacking your lips you glare, “it fucking sucks.”

“Oh?” Sydney questioned, appearing back in frame, “what happened? Did someone egg and scratch up your car again after a review you gave them? Noo wait, don’t tell me there’s a bullet hole?!”

That was light work compared to New York (it really wasn’t a competition of which state had its worst moments but your home state left you kinda triggered, not gonna lie!) where you were just starting off and those that were in tune with the culinary world didn’t take your words with a grain of salt. Most nights you still woke up gasping for air, reaching for your throat due to some trauma of a break in from a well-known nepo-baby chef. Don’t get that twisted, your mom didn’t raise no punk but that didn’t mean those events didn’t mess with your mental and you acknowledged that every time you had a nightmare. They only served three years and five months compared to the original five year sentence.

Ah the system…got to love how that works out for the privileged!

You shrugged, “no…the threats have been pretty tame lately so I can give myself a pat on the back for that. However! I still am in a crisis.”

Sydney begins to move her braids around to expose her scalp, “Elaborate for me.”

“My toilet won’t flush!” You whine, laying flat on your messy bed. You tended to not make your bed on Saturdays and didn’t get around to making it today—although it was after 3pm.

Sydney asks, “Like the waste won’t go down…?”

“Exactly!” You confirm throwing your arm over your eyes dramatically, “The lever thing is moving like my old dislocated shoulder.”

Sydney gags, “don’t fucking remind me of that day. That was spooky to witness but I am glad you healed from that.”

“Thanks girl, means a lot, truly.”

Sydney gives a small smile, “don’t mention it…have you considered YouTubing it? That’s what I do when I don’t want to ask anyone for help and figure it out by myself.”

You hummed knowing this was true. In a sense you could be like that too, especially when it came to the working field, since writers can tend to be some nasty bitches and always in rivalry with each other. You made a name for yourself in Chicago as well, coming from New York where you worked just as hard-maybe even harder than the rest to mean and write exactly how you felt about cuisine, regardless if anyone agreed or not. It wasn’t about if people liked you, the relationship with food would always be more significant and hold value in your life, just like the rest of these chef’s you encountered and you got that, people were allowed to be sensitive about their work. You’ve come toe to toe with many chef’s around the world who didn’t like your take on their craft but that didn’t mean you didn’t understand them. They hardly took the time to really dive into your ratings and automatically took it as you shit talking or not having any idea what you were saying since you “weren’t really a chef,” but you knew your worth most days.

Yes you could be straight forward but that didn’t mean you lacked compassion like some chef’s liked to think according to your reviews. You often wrote in a way that was puzzling to some, almost philosophical or riddle like with your own twist. Some just didn’t get it and that was okay but you wouldn’t back down from any confrontation. The second they didn’t want to really listen, that’s when you removed yourself from the escalating problem. It didn’t have to get violent like some wanted to inflict.

“Why didn’t I think of that?!” You exasperated, slapping the palm of your hand to your forehead.

Sydney snorted, “maybe because you’re under a lot of pressure lately and the most simplest of things don’t come as easily as they should.”

“You would think I have high blood pressure with the way these past two weeks have been.”

Sydney says, “give it time.”

“Gee, thanks! That’s exactly the kind of shit I want to hear from you.” You roll your eyes at the blurt of words that commonly escaped the braided girl’s mouth.

Sydney breathes out a laugh, “I’m just joking!”

“Yeah, yeah! Maybe I should text fak back and tell him not to come by!”

“You asked fak instead of the apartment manager?” Sydney is in amazement.

“Fuck that noise, he’s so full of shit that he should see a doctor about it. He’ll show up to analyze the problem, then acts like he’s going to fit you into the schedule and then when you catch him in the lobby he pretends that he has amnesia.” You commented with a scowl.

You get ready to minimize the call to text fak but some obnoxious knocks at the door made you pop up from your bed. “That was fast!”

Hopping up from the bed and padding out of the last bedroom in the apartment, you made the journey through the foyer to the awaiting black front door. Peeking through the peephole you spot Fak grinning widely up into it, almost making you jump back.

“He’s made it Siddy! I’ll call you back!”

“K. Good luck!” Sydney calls out before you end the call to pull the door wide open.

“Neil!” You scream, quickly latching onto his tatted wrist ready to yank him in until you notice someone else is with him, “…why is he here?” You point.

Fak quickly glances over at a brimmed Carmy who raised a brow at him in a silent told you so manner, “I mean we were having a boy’s day when you called and I didn’t want my buddy to be left out. Plus, it’s always great to have some assistance.”

“…i find it hard to believe that Carmen wants to fix my toilet.” You cross your arms, poking out your hip as you stare at him.

Carmen shrugs his shoulders, “I wanted to wait in the car if it makes you feel any better.”

“Hmm…it doesn’t.”

Carmy rolls his eyes, pinching at the bridge of his nose briefly in agitation, “you know what, fak you’ve got this right? I know you do so—

“Nope!” Fak quickly interrupts, “this maybe a two person job so aspie if you just let us do what we came to do—

Shooting an arm out to block the doorway you peer into Fak’s dark teal eyes to show you mean business, “didn’t I say I dislike that nickname, Neil?”

He nods.

“Also i find it offensive that you brought an uninvited guest to my place.”

“Just be glad it wasn’t Richie because that was also a possibility before he ran off to pick up the kid.” Carmy snaps making you roll your eyes.

If Richie was here you been would have slammed the door in both Fak and his face. Sure you had some sort of tension with Carmy and beef with .......his cousin but at least Carmy only gave it back to you when he had the energy to—meaning if he was already on one. The issue was simple, you wrote a not so nice review once before when the eldest berzatto, Michael was alive and running the joint. Richie couldn’t forget that and actually kept the clipping, yes the clipping of the review way back when. He had the receipts to show Carmy and Carmy actually brushed it off then, not seeming to really care or doubt some of the words that were said.

He came to revamp the place because Mikey left it for him, to fix the mess his big brother left behind, to create what they’ve always dreamed of. Sure he got shit for it in the beginning and part of him felt like maybe that was your case too? He could relate to you on that, yet the weight was slightly different on his part and he even spoke with you not long after he found those tomato cans.

That gave him a certain push he couldn’t really explain. He may have done a brief dive on you, wondering why you felt acquainted to him—completely forgetting about seeing you once around Noma—choosing to start with reading previous reviews by you on other restaurants here in Chicago and a few interviews you’ve done over the world. You weren’t just some nobody, you held your titles well and it reflected in your work.

You weren’t clueless.

He just didn’t really know what he was dealing with until a short time ago.

What he didn’t expect was for you to show up again on opening night with a certain head chef, also from New York. That made carmy more anxious than anything, seeing you sitting beside that four eyed fuck ready to set off a tornado in the heart of the bear. Was that your motive all along? With carmy attempting to build a bridge, not for you to kiss his ass with praise but there was a odd need to have a simple conversation with you. It was weird but it seemed like Sydney, Fak, and Nat liked you?

The jury was still out with the rest—except Richie but you were a mystery to Carmy. However carmy wasn’t the best at putting a read on people or their emotions in the first place, he was good at fucking that up unless you’re screaming it into his face. That’s just how he operated.

“You two can come in—only because I don’t have the patience with the manager here and Neil’s the best I’m gonna get.” You state while fak slaps a hand on his chest.

“That was really sweet, Aspen.” Fak cooed ready to pull you into a bone crushing hug but you hold up a finger.

“Save the hugs until after you fix my problem.”

“You got it boss,” Fak salutes before diving under your arm to travel through your apartment, ooo-ing and ah-ing before finding the bathroom around the corner from the living room.

Sighing you drop your arm and wave carmy through, who keeps his view straight while traveling through the hallway. You call out to him, “you can have a seat on the couch.”

“What? Did you drop a load or something and is that the real reason why you don’t want me to help Fak?” Carmy comes right out with it, nose twitching in amusement after whipping around to face you in the center of the living room.

See…only when he’s frustrated or overly focused will he just let it out. Some may look at this as Carmy attempting to make a joke but you took that somewhat personally. The only thing you were thinking after he said this was: What an ego on this one huh?

You stop on your heels and tilt your head to the side, “are you telling me that you think women or fem pronoun users don’t take shits? Do you know what it feels like to have period shits?”

Carmy blinks at you and shouts with his hands out, “I...don't even know what the fuck you're getting at? I wasn't even trying to be sexist to you just then! I asked you a honest question—

“About you being in my business,” you pointed out, “contrary to your beliefs I have a heart and decided to be nice to you and let you stay in my place to keep warm. You’re welcome!”

“Oh bullshit, don’t act like you’re doin’ me any favors.” Carmy scowls, “you don’t even want me here.”

You shrug, “yet you’re here in my apartment, yelling.”

Carmy exhaled while you smirked at him sweetly before turning to lean against the wall that leads to the bathroom.

“Everything okay in there, Neil?”

“Oh yeah!” He says, “I think I figured out the problem. Easy peasy!”

“Great!” You exclaim, pulling your phone out from your sweats to read a very important email.

The weight of stress seemed to lift a good chunk as you quickly responded to a email that you’ve been waiting for. You’ve been invited out (squeezed in) to a taste test at this restaurant for this evening that you’ve been trying to get into for a month before you brought it up to your employer. The deadline was approaching for the end of this week to have a review ready and they just responded to you five days before that deadline! Reading over it twice, the squeal in you slipped through your smile until you read the exceptions.

If you were to go over the amount of food purchased, which you would put on the company card anyways, you can get a discount if you brought a plus one and some reimbursement if the review was satisfactory to the owners—which the last part wasn’t unfamiliar to you.

You usually didn’t bring a plus one to any of the places you did reviews for, you got comfortable doing outings all on your own but this was different. Sure you were somewhat known in the culinary world but that didn’t mean you were a millionaire and this restaurant was apparently upscale. There was a waiting list regardless of your status—even for the celebrities that went there so this was a big deal and they gave you a short notice. Usually Sundays were known for a reset for the week but what better way to start it?

You don’t go forward with reaching out to anybody else that you work with. This was your battle and you were aware that two of your other co-workers also reached out to this restaurant. You just hoped you were the only one they picked and wouldn’t miss out on the great opportunity just because you weren’t sure about your guest.

A few hours before show time and you had to find somebody to attend with you. Your best friend was away in Cabo for a honeymoon, the other (who recently planned on moving to ATL) was dealing with the flu and had their no good ex boyfriend taking care of them, Sydney was suddenly MIA, and you even considered inviting Natalie Berzatto to piss carmy off just a bit.

“Hey, Nat!” You greet into the phone as you walk into the kitchen, witnessing Carmy perk up from the couch.

It’s small talk at first: you asking about how her day is going as a mom to be, if she’s going to be at the bear tomorrow, did she watch the Emmy’s the other night, tell her husband you said hello, and then finally if she had plans for tonight.

“…are you asking me to hang out?”

“We had fun at that club way back when no?”

“Yeah! But that was how long ago?”

You knew it’s been awhile. You were always friendly with Natalie, meeting her first—well second out of the siblings down at the small mart one summer you helped out at that your great-uncle owned. She was huffing about something her boyfriend at the time, Pete forgot to bring her and some groceries she was picking up for her mom. You were cool enough to become Facebook friends, exchange numbers, go out for coffee and go to the club together. This wasn’t unusual to call each other randomly but you knew she commonly got shit from Michael and Richard about her talking and hanging out with you.

The thing about Natalie Berzatto is that she always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. Yes she saw your review yet she kinda laughed about it initially but it was all fuck you’s from the other two loud mouth’s. Of course she was going to listen to her brother but she still had a mind of her own. she didn’t care to listen to Richie go off but she understood how Michael felt, although she was the only other Berzatto that heard you out.

Except you didn’t owe anybody an explanation even if some felt you were more cutthroat in your younger years.

“...Before you and Pete even thought about marriage?”

You were younger than them but you imagined how it would always work out for Nat and Pete, which included growing old together.

“Wow! Yeah that sounds right.”

“So…?”

“Can’t do it.”

“You didn’t even hear all the details!”

“I know, I know and it sounds like it’ll be a real fucking blast but if this kid wasn’t sitting on my sciatic nerve constantly and if my feet weren’t the size of two honeydews…I totally would! But I’ll have to decline this time around—so please don’t hate me!”

“I could never!”

“You know you could always ask carmy-

“Why on earth would I do that?” Your reply was instant.

Natalie sighed over the phone, “aspen…the potential of friendship and love is a beautiful thing.”

You scrunched up your face at the phone before placing it back to your ear.

“Do you want me to hang up on you?”

“I’d call you a rude bitch if you did but then get over it.”

“I can live with that because I know it’s real love between you and I.”

“…whatever that means.”

“Right.”

You both laugh, knowing just how weird the subject of love can be. Although you didn’t talk all the time it was always okay for one of the other to drop a venting text or call each other’s way and know the other would get around to responding. The both of you may not be the best of friends but you did consider each other friends regardless. There were conversations between the both of you that no one knew about and would be a constant reminder of what kind of friends the both of you would remain.

Natalie wished things could have been resolved between you and Michael but she reassured that the dislike wasn’t as deep as it seemed. There was no secret that you felt awful about how his life ended and being there for nat during that time also meant a lot. She told you that one of the last conversations she had with Michael was about you and it felt as if he was learning to let go of your review, slowly taking in Nat’s words of you not having a cruel bone in your body especially with all that you’ve done for her.

Anybody that showed his sister true friendship couldn’t be complete garbage. As much as he tolerated Pete, Michael was always aware that he was good enough for his sister. They were all cut from different cloths and the Berzatto’s were just from the same but opposite corner’s.

Natalie telling you this was not to erase any worries you had since that is always brought to the surface when someone you’ve been face to face with before decides to end it all. It was to show you that nobody ever truly knows what anyone is thinking whether there is love there or not.

You can feel Natalie smiling through the phone, “Think about it…all that tension could be smoothed out if you extend the olive branch…now it’s your turn.”

“It’s not my fault he switched up on me after your opening night.” You didn’t lower your voice or make it louder but you were definitely staring at carmy now who was side eyeing you, looking like phineas from phineas and ferb.

“That’s something you need to talk to him about, don’t you think?” Her tone was always so gentle that it made you sick sometimes because she could be right.

“I’m not here to do think pieces.”

“…aren’t you a writer?”

“Have a good night, nat.”

“Ta-Ta!” Natalie sing-songs, “be sure to send me the deets later because carmy never tells me anything! Bye! Chat later!”

Hanging up the phone, you slide it onto the counter and tap your nails against the island. To the right of you, you pick up on some clinking in the bathroom—which sounds somewhat normal and zone in on carmy who’s also holding onto his phone but staring at the blank tv in thought.

“Hey, Carmen.” You call his name.

His bright blues turn to you as if he hasn’t been eavesdropping on your conversation here and there between his texts with Marcus.

“You. Me. The Saffron Simmer. 7pm.”

The air is frigid as the both of you hunch your shoulders shoving through Chicago’s winter. Shockingly the streets are filled with cars tonight so you had to park on the next street over before walking up and around to The Saffron Simmer. Carmy offered to drive, which was a debate—no shock there—since there was no way he was leaving the bear stock van behind for no license having fak to play around in.

Fak definitely found that offensive and said he didn’t mind hanging out at your place, being done with your toilet but with the look you sent him he said he’s find an Uber or fak2 can pick him up. It’s not like you didn’t trust fak in your place…it’s just that the possibilities of what he can get into are endless.

You also didn’t want to ride in the bear’s van not because of shallow reasons, you just wanted to annoy carmy just a bit more for fun. Walking mostly everywhere was the way to go growing up in New York and Carmy working there so doing so here in Chicago wasnt foreign either. However with the type of cold here in this city is enough to give the bravest of hearts hypothermia. So obviously driving was the best option, it’s just the petty back and forth between you two of who will drive had to be spewed.

Eventually you gave in and sat in the passenger side of the van, being on DJ duty for the twenty-five minute drive—something carmy didn’t care to argue over. The both of you made it on time, throwing the door back for carmy to catch then bouncing on your toes while he blew into his gloveless hands waiting on the greeter to find your reservation.

The pictures didn’t do The saffron simmer any justice. There was so much to look at with its modernized speakeasy décor and the high ceilings did a superb job of making the both of you feel small in the spacious space. Thankfully the dress code was business casual so you didn’t have to go all out but you still put in the effort of looking your best in simple attire. You’re shrugging out of your scarf, earmuffs, and puffer coat while Carmy is already seated; with only the removal of his cap across from you in a chair.

He’s watching you as you place everything neatly to the right of you before you're taking a seat in the leather oversized chair, then digging through your tote to pull out your notepad, Sony camera, phone, and bolt pen. You quickly scribble something on the first line and circle it before dropping your pen.

Rolling the sleeves of your long sleeves back underneath your blazer, you roll your shoulders with a close of your eyes before opening them with a look of determination.

“Wow, that was something.” Carmy tells you, making you set your eyes back on him, forgetting just that quick that he was your plus one.

Clasping your hands together you quirk up a brow, “What?”

“Watching you prep.”

You dip your head, “should have seen me before I got dressed…much worse.”

A smirk appears on the corner of Carmy’s lips, “oh yeah?”

“Well yes, I can contain myself in public, Carmen. Your home is supposed to be your safe space so that’s the best place to go a little crazy sometimes.” You inform, yet still not giving too much away.

“Why are you in your head about this place anyway?” Carmy peers around the slightly filled dining area before meeting your eyes once more.

You lift your shoulders, “have you seen the way they market this place? Giving not too much away although it’s top ten restaurants here and I can either contribute to its success or its downfall. They picked me for a reason so my review matters at the end of this year.”

“But you uh-get a thrill out of this shit don’t you? It’s what you signed up for, right?” Carmy is actually relaxed against the chair across from you.

Which is a sight to see.

You state, “it’s part of the job, if that’s what you mean.”

Carmy blinks and seems to get it, “and so you stay.”

“So I stay.” You echo while holding his stare, which is broken by a piece of the stone table lifting and showcasing the menu illuminated by sepia lighting in the dark of the restaurant.

Carmy’s bright eyes are wide as he stares at the menu that appears right in front of your faces. There’s a grin on your face as you rest your fingertips around its rough edges, almost as if you were expecting this while carmy blows out a breath.

“The hell is this place?”

You peek over at him, “some next level shit, berzatto.”

“Yeah…I think I’m starting to catch on.”

You turn your attention back to the menu, swiping your fingertips along the touch screen although you’ve heard things about the menu, which they kept offline since apparently it renews monthly.

“What looks good?”

“Uh…these pages aren’t even labeled." Carmy exhales through his nose, eyes searching all over the tablet, "I have no clue. You?”

The words come at ease for you, "One of almost everything maybe?”

“Sounds good...I guess?”

“On me by the way,” you state with a wink as you flash your company card.

“I’ll get the tip then.” Carmy pats his jeans, the left containing his carton of cigarettes, the right holding his keys, lifting his hips he checks for his wallet although he’s been sitting on his behind for about ten minutes now.

You don’t argue with that, eyes in awe at the selection of items as you start ordering, “don’t forget to order your drink.”

“Water should be fine,” Carmy mutters to himself, eyes scanning over the first strange title of water that is described as flower and ginger infused purified water and decides to go with that.

You finally express after rapidly letting your fingers go over the screen and taking a picture with your phone, “…Okay, so the only way for us to enjoy that huge discount is to act like we’re dating.”

It sounded so easy to you as you quickly shifted to pick up your pen and start writing notes.

“What was that?” Carmy pressed his elbows into the edge of the table, making sure he heard you right since he’s not even sure if he can trust his inner thoughts lately.

You’re still scribbling but also turning your face towards the messy haired chef, “you heard me. We have to act like we’re in a relationship because I’ve definitely went over the budget on the card.”

“That’s not really my problem?”

“Yes it is,” you demand, “you agreed to be my plus one so that’s that. Plus this menu further confirmed my suspicions from the email.”

Carmy scratches at his brow confused, “what are you talking about, aspen?”

“Here,” you swipe across your screen towards Carmy’s device, which brings up another screen instantly to carmy who’s in awe but scans over the details.

You didn’t share the email with him but he’s heard about how high tech this restaurant is but didn’t have the time to do his own research.

*Significant others in attendance are subject to applicable discounts.*

Carmy feels his stomach cramp at the fine print and it so small that he was sure anyone could have missed that.

Not you.

“…how exactly are we supposed to prove that, hm?” He's gripping at his greasy hair now, feeling himself getting a bit worked up about this.

You fanned your hand along, “just do what couples do and follow my lead...Depending on our witnesses,” you whisper as you look around, “they could always assume that’s what we are anyways.”

Part of carmy didn’t like how that came off.

“What, so you’d fake date me for discounted food but you wouldn’t real date me even though I could take you out to the best restaurants out there in town every fucking night if you wanted me to?” Flies out of Carmy’s mouth before he can even process what he’s saying.

That stoops you too, making you press your back against the chair in thought. That wouldn’t be going down in the notes, as you stare at the pen in between your fingers for a moment. Which brings you back to Carmy’s tatted fingers first that touched you in ways that romance novelist craved to write about.

So you may have left that out, how a shared conversation about the “heartless” review of then Chicagoland turned the bear melted into hot and heavy actions in the front seat of your Mazda. It hits you in those same flashes you take of dishes: the unsure sloppy kisses, you taking the lead to get Carmy to just touch you, shaky hands that trace the tattoo from your rib cage down to your hip before soon holding steady and angled just right beneath your red tapered trousers.

“Where did that come from?” You question just as a server greets you, delivering drinks and announcing the small plates should be out in the next five minutes with a timer appearing on both of the stone tablets.

Carmy says, “you—you didn’t just think I forget right?”

“Well I was hoping.” You were honest, “neither of us are ready for relationships—especially hearing about you and Claire.”

Carmy felt his eye twitch, “and how do you know about that?”

Sydney.

You wouldn’t throw her under the bus like that although you could tell carmy already knew.

“I have my resources but don’t think I’ve been asking around about you or anything like that.” You sipped at the raspberry mint cocktail, it could be stronger.

His thumbs are shaking first on the table top but his icy stare made your chest pulsate in a way you didn't particularly like, “…would that be so bad?”

You and carmy didn’t exactly know each other well enough besides a conversation once had and with his hand down your pants! and you trying to get him to crash, clothes still on right in the center of his lap—It was a spur of the moment hookup and you could tell it was not something that happened often for carmy. He never had time for it or bothered to get attached but there was something about you that had him thinking otherwise. What was supposed to be a one time thing that you swept to the back of your mind was being brought up again.

The annoyance overtook what that feeling brought in the front seat of your ride. You weren’t ignoring carmy after that but the both of you had a lot on your plate with him renovating a restaurant and you diving back into your own work. Both fields of work seemed to matter more and not once did you think he ever thought about you in that way.

Communication was important people!

And here you thought he wanted nothing to do with you, especially with you showing up to the grand opening of The Bear. Now here you were months later, basically at your benefit, face to face hearing only pieces of what Carmen Berzatto was thinking.

“Hey, guys!” A familiar voice gathers your attention and you both turn to see Sydney smiling at you two.

Carmy widens his eyes, “Syd, what’re you doing here?”

Sydney snorted, “doing the same thing you’re doing? Having dinner.”

“Right.” He lightly shakes his head.

“Oh my god…am I interrupting this um? Date?” Sydney quickly connected the dots eyeing the both of you back and forth while you’re choking on your drink, “you okay?”

She pats your back for you while you gasp and Carmy slides over his water your way although you have your own glass near by. Gaining some air, you swallow some water and breathe through your nose. Normally you would have a response for Sydney’s joke but given what carmy just said to you had your mind running along with some burning tears you wiped away.

“So this is where you’ve been instead of answering me back?” You decide to switch the subject-you were great at that-wheezing a bit while Carmy scoffs and looks away.

Sydney frowns, “huh? When did you call me besides the FaceTime call…” she starts and pulls out her phone, “oh shit sorry. I placed it on do not disturb like thirty minutes after you didn’t call me back. I got wrapped into some entail about the menu from one of the chef’s that works here and is also a friend.”

Carmy speaks, “Didn’t know you had a connect with anybody here, Syd.”

“Can’t reveal all my moves, Carm.” She winks and lightly elbows him while Carmy sends her a small smile and a shake of his head.

Carmy asks, “scooping out our competition?”

“Only a little," She pinches her fingers before continuing, "and my dad thought it would be a place I wanted to try.” Sydney admits, “and if you two weren’t on a date I’d say let’s make this a group thing! so I’ll be going! I see my dad coming back from the bathroom…he’s got like a bladder problem and I don’t know why I’m sharing that with you two. But bye! Enjoy and just know I’ll be keeping my eye on you two.”

“Fuck,” carmy exhaled feeling his nerves rising, “don’t do that.”

Sydney chuckles to herself and sends a wave to you two before walking back to her table by the window.

“Siddy kicked me to the curb for her dad,” you sigh resting your cheek into your knuckles for a moment, “can’t be mad at that.”

“But you can be mad at me for what exactly?”

“You wanna do this with me right now?”

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“I thought we could move past what happened—

“You can say it you know? Me with my fingers inside—

“Excuse me!” You hiss, “I don’t need you to repeat action by action thank you. I was there too. We both know what happened, we’d agreed we can coexist around this big ass city. I show up to support—

“Did you though?” Carmy pressed, “support me? Or am I waiting for something else to be thrown at me with your upcoming review?”

“What?!” You bite, “is that what your stank ass attitude is about?”

Carmy tightened his jaw just as the first serving was handed over. You let him sulk in that for some time as you study the plating of the four appetizers, making note of each before taking more pictures with your sony.

“I wasn’t there to write a review.” You reply.

“I saw you—

“Let me finish. I understand pressure so I get it but you have to learn to channel your anger and this grief, elsewhere and deal with it better without projecting it onto any and everybody. I’ll tell you that right now that won’t get you anywhere and especially with me, Carmen.” You affirm.

You’ve been in Carmy’s position before so you can speak with experience. He seemed to always be waiting for the worse to continue filling up his plate but it takes time to accept the good in life. He was giving you something but you weren’t sure it was the best option for the both of you and you weren’t afraid to say that.

“Alright…I didn’t come here to talk about feelings either you know? That’s what those meetings are for.” Carmy spills just a tad.

You stare at the vibrant but delicate plating but his tone and the soft upbeat tempo above your heads don’t go unnoticed. “What did you come here for then?”

Carmy blinks and snatches up a spoon, almost weighing it in his hands before he dives the utensil into the dish. He stares as the stretch of cheese, twisting the spoon to break it apart before holding the Macaroni and Brie with Crab out for you to take the first bite.

He doesn’t answer for awhile and so you do the honors of taking a bite and savoring it's texture and taste.

“…that’s not my favorite.” You announce and notice that Carmy waited for your view.

He raises his brows, “tell me about it?”

“They need different plating.” You deeply sigh, “I know that type of plating works best for a dessert and that’s not it. There’s more breadcrumbs than meat, which seems to not be fully removed from its shell so be careful with that. It’s also lacking flavor even with the brie, which is my least favorite kind of cheese in Mac, although many swear by it.”

Carmy flicks his attention to your disappointment to you scribbling into your notepad with a shake of your head. If he was making you a dish, he’d try his hardest to make sure it was everything you ever wanted.

He quickly has his share and thinks to himself.

Carmy can agree, this was lacking flavor and the breadcrumbs didn’t even have a crunch to them. You can’t just depend on the cheese to give you flavor in Mac and cheese.

“What’s your favorite dish? I—I don’t think I ever asked you that. We just went straight into talking about the beef.”

And doing dirty things in the front seat but who needs to relive that?!

You look up from your notes and lift your chin, “you’re looking at it. It’s childish I know...but that’s exactly what it reminds me of: my childhood. Mac and cheese! then as I got into my adulthood…crab kinda took over. Which is funny because I hated on it for so long growing up. My papa—my grandad, he helped my mom raise me, he's from Ocean City so you can only imagine the amount of seafood on our table.”

You’re smiling to yourself and Carmy can’t help but to feel his small laughter lines appear by his lips as you’re locked into some memory only you can remember vividly. This was the most Carmy was learning about you, sure it may not look like much but he didn’t feel the need to dissociate even if at times he really couldn’t help it.

You were the question mark that he wanted to figure out and get all the answers to. Maybe it was his gut and he shouldn’t have blabbed to sugar about you because now Carmy was thinking this was Michael’s doing.

If you believe in that shit.

So the both of you take your time trying the small dishes before getting the main courses. It seems the longer you sit across from each other—the tension was definitely still there especially with Sydney’s eyes burning into the two of you across the room and attempting to not get caught—although she had once or twice but gradually it lifted as you and carmy shared this time together.

He watched you work while you asked for his input before you told your own. He also provided a few things he would do to tweak it if he agreed with what you didn’t enjoy. Which was eye-opening for you, yes you went to school for journalism and sat in on some cooking classes once that also tied into your passion for learning. After completing your first degree you decided culinary may take you to different heights and enrolled into culinary school. You didn’t find the need to continue going through with being a chef after Copenhagen, finding writing to be your stronger suit but you still understood food and the relationship with it when it came to chef’s.

So you took carmy’s input into consideration.

With the last serving being a Asian dessert called, “Jjan Hae,” which consisted of: coconut rice pudding served with fresh citrus (orange, grapefruit, kumquat) and coffee ice cream, topped with crispy pop rice & a shot of Korean rice wine, it was a strange concept but the both of you came to terms with the dessert working well.

Carmy even took a video to show Marcus tomorrow at the bear and sent a photo to an old colleague, Luca, that you were also familiar with considering Noma was a thing that you didn’t bother speaking much on…but it was your turn to give carmy the last serving.

He hesitated since he had his own bowl, which he finished way before you did but it was clear you wanted him to have the last bite so he also took it while saying something with his eyes.

Breaking the stare, the both of you felt your phone buzz with a text. Carmy didn’t jump to answer it right away…he was the worst texter according to Nat and Sydney but you can answer for the both of you as it was a group text from Sydney who was long gone with her dad.

Siddy + (773) XXX-XXXX: Carmy, invite aspen to breakfast in the morning?? See you guys then! 👍🏾😉

“You guys do breakfast at the bear now?” You say lifting your eyes from your screen.

You heard Sydney made a mean omelette but you haven’t been back since earlier this year and you weren’t in the mood for that that night.

Carmy frowns and closes his eyes with a shake of his head, “uh yeah it’s a new thing that Syd came up with but we agreed to do that with everyone once a month…later this month. Why?”

“She wants me to have breakfast with you guys…knowing I’m not a morning person.”

“It’s not happening tomorrow anyway, so what is she talking about?” Carmy digs into his jacket, where he carelessly shoved his phone into after sending the photo off to Luca.

Another text rings out: at carmy’s place. just us three???

Not Sydney making plans and then placing it all at Carmy’s apartment.

He’s taking a breath, almost as a silent reminder for him to do so before his thumbs move over his screen: i don’t even eat breakfast, Syd.

Syd: well youre gonna.

~ Syd has notifications silenced 🌙 ~

“Well, looks like your work wife told your ass.” You laugh, which you translated into her message but didn’t comment further than that.

Carmy harshly exhales through his nostrils in disbelief, “my work wife huh?”

He didn’t hate how that sounded but he also never thought about marriage or relationships in awhile.

“Yeah…the proof is in the pudding, no matter what anyone says.”

Carmy pinched at his bottom lip as he attempts to dryly joke, “I thought it was rice? and what about outside work…”

“That’s something you have to figure out yourself.” You shrug, getting ready to pack up your notes and cameras.

You turn your attention to the table, which knows just when to lift as you tap on the screen to signal that you’re ready to pay while holding out your company card, “are you paying cash for the tip or card?”

“Uh, cash.” Carmy answers, “…what if I’m starting to think about what come’s next?”

“With Syd?” You question, your now sage and mint scented hands flying over the screen as you select the correct paying method before tapping your company card against the screen.

Carmy starts bouncing his leg underneath the table, “with everything.”

“Well…when you’re ready you’ll make moves to make it happen won’t you?”

Carmy dips his head, “you bet.”

And here comes the intense eye contact that you can’t help but to huff out some laughter.

“What’s funny?”

“It’s just people with light eyes always do this thing where they’re just staring into your soul you know? Like damn, relax!”

Carmy’s confused as he holds his wallet open, “uh sorry for having eyes?”

“Shut up, glacier eyes.” You tell while Carmy just snorts at you.

The both of you don’t waste any time rushing back to his car as the clock is approaching 10pm. The wind’s definitely picked up and the temperature dropped, making it easier not to get caught up in the night time city lights which you often liked to do. Back in the van, carmy doesn’t wait to crank up the heat and you don’t bother to mess with the radio this time.

“So?” Carmy asks as he waits for the car to warm up some.

You keep your attention outside the window shield, “yes?”

“What’s the rating?”

“What makes you think I’m going to tell you that, Carmen?” You continue holding yourself.

He sniffs, “I mean—I was sitting across from you the entire night while you told me some of your thoughts.”

“So you thought you should also get the final score? I don’t even know what I’m going to say yet.”

“Ah, I think you’ve got some idea.” Carmy lolls his head over to peek at you.

Laughter bubbles past your lips, “I do. I’ve absolutely had better because—what the fuck was that?”

Carmen feels a crooked smirk appear on his own face, “I don’t want to completely bash other chef’s work but fuck, I thought it was just me? You said it got a 4.3 out of 5? The ambience and service was spot on but…the flavor for most of the dishes?”

“I knew you knew something about seasoning,” you continued laughing while carmy rolled his eyes, “should spend less on the tech and interior and more on some fresh herbs.”

“Isn’t it called simmer saffron?”

That made you laugh even harder as you gripped your stomach, “You’ve got that so backwards!”

And carmy couldn’t help but to scan your features as you laughed and he felt his chest getting somewhat lighter? Just listening to the sound of you and being beside you. What kind of feeling was this? He’s felt it before looking at someone else but that feeling was more of a tug with that light while this one slowly poured in from the black.

“Don’t be too hard on ‘em though? There’s always room for improvement.”

“Sure, but we both know the bear is better and you guys don’t have a waist list months in advance.”

“We also don’t have any celebrities showing up either.”

“Yet.”

Carmy taps his fingers against the steering wheel, appreciating that, “right, yet…I’m sorry about March. I was too in my head about so much shit and you’re right, I took it out on everyone and I’m still trying to make up for it.”

“Effort doesn’t ever go unnoticed if people look and feel it hard enough.”

Carmy chews on his lips at that, “if you believe that…then why do you feel what I said about dating—uh us—about us dating is out of the blue?”

“I said that?”

“Your eyes did. It’s the most expressive thing about you which is funny to me when you talk so much shit about mine when you hide the rest of it away on your face. It’s fucking confusing but I think I gathered that from our dinner tonight.”

Carmy was just as detail oriented as you. It was in his language with food and maybe even in his tattoos that you tried to understand starting with his fingers first. The way he spoke about what he would do with the dishes that were lackluster, except for the dessert—that was pretty good. Carmy wasn’t much of a talker because he wasn’t sure how to express himself, always been that way since you knew of him at Noma…but he told just enough in his dishes and you told just enough between the lines you wrote.

Someone just had to look hard enough.

“…I ever tell you I was engaged? Of course I didn’t, we’re still…I don’t know what the hell we’re doing here Carmen but I’m starting to sense that we could be special if we both want this badly.”

“What do you want?”

“Does anyone ever really know?” You laughed, “ I guess someone to look past the circumstanial and I had that once but then he died. So that was the end of that.”

“You swore off love.”

“Love is many things but maybe I closed off the long lasting part.”

Carmy could relate to that as least with family. He never had much interest in romance even growing up because he lacked that confidence in anything being permanent besides the chaos he’s used to, then he found some of it once he proved what he fucking set out to do yet cooking was all Carmen really opened himself up to. While Luca and others encouraged him to have a night out in the town, he always left early or if there was one person that caught his interest, they get to talking and both get bored of each other since Carmy hardly made the move to take them back to his. Before Noma?

Maybe.

Back in Paris there was one that could have been permanent but Carmy had to break her heart since Noma was calling. Culinary was his true love and he honestly couldn’t tell you what she even looked like now if you asked him. Things that should have mattered tended to get buried in the blue of his mind unfortunately.

He didn’t have the time to be attached and you didn’t want to have your heart ripped out again.

“How’d—

“He was a firefighter.” Was all you said and just those words alone told carmy it was anything but peaceful.

It took a lot for carmy to scream at himself how Michael went out and he imagined it might have been the same for you. So he wouldn’t dare ask for further morbid details because what did that help?

So maybe you weren’t wrong about the both of you not being ready to take that step on going on dates but change was everlasting.

“Uh—what about breakfast then after that not so great meal?” Carmy asks as he pulls off from the curb now.

You think about it. Really think about it that carmy starts to assume you may have dozed off.

“Depends on the time honestly? And who am I to turn down a free meal?” You beamed at Carmy who lifts his shoulders with a chuckle.

Carmy explains, “Syd and I usually start our days early, sometimes even earlier for me if I don’t get enough hours in. but thanks to the reno those on the early shift can get prep ready and I heard…you’re not a morning person?”

You’re just as sarcastic but there’s no lies, “I don’t even know my name or birthdate when I first wake up…what do you think?”

Carmy snickered at that, “okay? So how does 10am sound?”

“That’s pushing it but…I think I can be there so that’ll give me the rest of the day to work from home.”

Carmy nods, “can’t wait to read it. Shake on it?”

“On what? My review or showing up?”

“Both.”

“I’m not sending you a sneak peek, maybe syd or even nat but not you.”

“Ouch.” Carmy mocks, still waiting for your hand to touch his.

And when you do there’s a spark, that makes you yank your hand back and you feel like you’re in one of those cheesy teen movies.

You’re aware carmy’s felt that too but he just clears his throat and placed his hand back on the steering wheel. Leaving you to lightly massage the palm of your hand, now glancing at the profile of carmy’s face.

Life takes time to live but once you start to just let it be, the green starts to stand out more and can be equally as joyous…once you get through the rain and mud that is.

And once the ice blue sets back on you, the both of you can’t exactly see the future but there’s always warmth waiting for the cold to give them a try.

𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡

February fluff anthology series continues here.

[ouiouimochi]

Part 2 of the Abyss x reader that I wrote a while back.

Part 1 - Part 3

there won't be an mc(you) and abyss reunion just yet

inconsistent and unedited writing. kinda wrote in a rush to destress so it's gonna be short

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

synopsis: abyss unexpectedly finds himself a place at easton and becomes busy with magia lupus

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

abyss never would have thought that his parents would even send him to school, much less one as prestigious and famous as easton magic academy

although he never understood why, he more or less preferred being in school than live in the same household as his parents

even though there's only little differences to how he gets treated by his peers and his parents

but the worst thing his peers had ever done was talk bad about his cursed eye— not that it actually made the situation much better

at least he managed to get himself into a group that didn't make him feel too out of place

he also found himself admiring a male by the name of abel walker who he swore to serve in gratitude for looking past his evil eye and recruiting him into magia lupus

abyss forgot about meeting the eccentric lady from a few years back since he got busy with wanting to make himself useful to abel in making the goals of magia lupus a reality

the hallways were bustling with more life than usual and abel seemed to be curious what it was about

while walking a bit slower, abyss also tried to listen to the loud whispers but opted to focus his attention to the closest group of girls

“hey, did you hear?”

“are you talking about the new student joining our academy this late into the semester?”

“yeah, yeah. apparently they got in because of family connections”

“ehh… even that kind of thing can't be avoided in easton, huh?”

“well… do you actually know who it is?”

“i heard from someone that it's a girl”

“really? that sucks i was hoping for a cute guy”

“oh stop being delusional already”

“so continuing, she's apparently a double liner”

abel and abyss’ ears immediately noticed and they shared a look

another potential recruit

but before either of them could learn of the new student’s identity, the whispers significantly quieted down, taking notice of abel and abyss' presence

then the gossiping students hurriedly dispersed themselves without further wait

abel calls for abyss to recruit the new student and the masked male only nods in acknowledgement of the task

apparently everyone, even the other fangs, were tasked to try recruiting this new student

one would think it was an easy task with how quick word got around and how many members there were in magia lupus

but alas, none of them were successful in finding even finding out the identity of the new student aside from the information that they were female

none of the gossiping students seem to be spilling anything that could expose the new student's identity despite there being talks about the topic

like a magic spell had prevented anyone from speaking of it— or perhaps it was just a coincidence

some fangs also proposed that maybe the new student is from a very powerful family that anyone who spoke ill or exposed her identity could get in more than just trouble

love cute suggested that maybe news of a new student appearing was fake

at that, everyone also started thinking love’s statement made sense despite a huge percent of the student population buzzing with gossip about this new student

abel then called for the fangs to focus on other objectives instead while keeping an eye out for the new potential recruit

at that, the magia lupus meeting ended

“that's the report, my lady” a maid bows while finishing her report

you sighed at the information you received

“things haven't quieted down yet, huh?”

the maid, your attendant, only nods, dreading what you had schemed in that head of yours

you were due to present yourself in school a few days ago, but then you made a fuss about not wanting to go when the campus would be noisy

your reasoning was that it was bothersome to try and tolerate it

the attendant sighs internally, not even knowing what to expect from her lady anymore

it's pretty obvious this poor attendant should be given a well-deserved vacation at this point

all the while, you were coming up with plans to at the very least entertain yourself in a situation where you got forced by your family to attend easton

you might as well have fun, right?

[nakoyaps]

CASUAL.

part 2 of casual — yamaguchi x reader !!

part 1 linked below!!

graduation was approaching— well, not theirs. but the club wanted to throw a surprise for their favorite upperclassmen before they leave.

𐙚𓏲⋆ ִֶָ ๋𓂃 ⋆ᡣ𐭩

“you’re gonna have to suck it up.” tsukishima reminds yamaguchi.

“do i have to go— does she have to be there?” yamaguchi groans into the palm of his hands.

it wasn’t long since him and name had that argument about his commitment issues, and he wasn’t ready to face her at the third years’ farewell party— and he especially couldn’t bring the mood down just because he was having a lover’s quarrel day of the party, with someone who was also attending said party.

“it’s your own fault anyways.” tsukishima utters without a care.

“how is it my fault?” yamaguchi asks, slightly raising his tone.

“you were leading her one.”

“was not! it’s not my fault she thinks that everything has to be romantic when i just wanted to be platonic.” yamaguchi argues

“except you don’t” tsuki adds.

“what?”

“you don’t wanna be platonic,” tsuki starts, sitting on his bed next to yamaguchi, “you like her.”

he furrows his brows, questioning tsukishima’s judgement, “where the hell did you get that idea?”

“seriously?”

yamaguchi nods hesitantly

“well,” he starts, “you told her you loved her, can’t go a day without texting, calling, or meeting up with her—“

yamaguchi was about to protest again when he gets cut off by tsuki

“you can’t say you don’t like her.”

“fuck—“

“you don’t have to be scared this time, you know?”

yamaguchi’s eyes softened. he knows what his problem was— he always did.

it’s not like this was his first ‘relationship’ but he certainly didn’t have a fair share like tsukki does.

“last time i actually commited to a girl, she left me for some wannabe yakuza!”

“you know name wouldn’t do that.”

“i know.” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “well, what do i do?”

tsukishima raises a brow, “finally ready for some advice?”

“..yeah.” yamaguchi admits in defeat.

𐙚𓏲⋆ ִֶָ ๋𓂃 ⋆ᡣ𐭩

decorating the gym for the third years’ farewell party was not an ideal way of how y/n would like to spend her holidays, although— if it had a side of gossiping with yachi, she wouldn’t be able to pass up the opportunity.

suddenly, yachi turns to her “oh, wait—“

“hm?”

“are you and yams together?”

y/n shrugs, scratching her head, “it’s complicated— but we’re not on talking terms right now.”

yachi hums, taking in her answer.

“he really seems to be into you though, you know?”

“yeah, right.” y/n replies sarcastically

“no, i’m serious!” yachi defends her case. she looked like one of those cute angry pomeranians.

“he looks at you like he’s totally in love— with hearts in his eyes!”

y/n chuckles, shaking her head. “whew, you really are a hopeless romantic.. been reading too much romance novels, huh?”

“oh, whatever!” yachi grins, picking up two different colored streamers, “would orange go better with red or yellow?”

“yellow.”

“oh, yes! definitely!”

y/n looks around. “wait here, i’ll get a chair! i don’t think either of us can reach the ceiling.”

“oh, no need! the boys are coming to help.” yachi reassures her.

“what boys?”

yachi shrugs, “oh, you know.. just the usual. hinata, kageyama, tsukishima..” she pauses, “yamaguchi..”

“yachi!”

she winces, turning to face y/n— whose mood immediately turned sour at the mention of his name.

“i told you i’m not on good terms with him right now!”

“i know, i know! but, the guys insisted on helping!”

y/n groans, rubbing her temple.

“you should be glad you’re my best friend.”

𐙚𓏲⋆ ִֶָ ๋𓂃 ⋆ᡣ𐭩

not soon after, everyone else started to arrive and help decorate.

you scanned the gym doors every five minutes, hoping not to see a certain green-haired fellow.

though, this was his club after all.. and he wanted to celebrate his seniors’ departure as much as the rest of them.

but everyone knew about your little lovers quarrel, and decided to “help you out” by forcing the both of you to go buy more decorations together. stupid yachi. stupid tsukishima.

but low and behold, here you are now.

alone. just the two of you.

it was an awkward walk to the convenience store; yamaguchi tried to make conversation with you, but you kept shutting him down.

“y/n, please..” he pleaded, hand on your shoulder “just listen to me.”

you glare at him, quickening your pace.

unfortunately for you, he was faster.

“come on, i’m sorry!”

“bullshit. you’ll say that and you’re gonna go back right to your old ways.” you grumble, pushing him to the side.

“i know i was wrong—“ he grabs your arm, stopping you.

“i know i was wrong, and i want to fix that.” he gulps, “it’s not easy for me, not when everyone i know says tsukki is the more attractive one out of the two of us— i just can’t fathom that someone like you.. would want me.”

your eyes soften, “tadashi, i’m sorry..”

“no. it’s my fault. i knew you liked me; i liked you. no, i still do—“ he babbles.

“love, tadashi. i love you.”

“i love you more. more than you know.” he whispers, pulling you into an embrace. “does this mean we’re.. y’know?”

you chuckle, “yes, tadashi. i’ll be your girlfriend..”

maybe the blondes were right; all you two needed was better communication.

but no way in hell are either of you gonna admit that to either of them.

if you’re wondering, yes they did end up buying more decorations at the store. and yes the blondes found out they made up.

and the team, without fail always bring up their silly fight at their reunions.

[glitterinmyveinss]

// fuck it i love you //

wes borland x fem! reader

summary: you and wes have had feelings for eachother since the sandbox days, but neither of you have ever admitted it, until alcohol and jealousy gets in the way.

chapter 2

❥༄ me and wes have known eachother ever since i was 10 and he was 12. that's when him and fred started hanging out, and with fred being my brother and us living in the same house and all, meant that me and wes saw each other basically everyday after school. most of the time him and fred would be in the garage playing their instruments or skating. but sometimes they would bug me. although it was really only fred who would do the bugging, wes was always kind to me and never even teased me.

❥༄ i was on the couch watching the simpsons, when fred and wes came in and took up the whole couch, fred stole the remote from my hands. "i'm watching something!" i tried to grab the remote back, but of course he was stronger. "so?" he chuckled. "hey wes what should we watch?" i could see wes out the corner of my eye. he had a hesitant look on his face that was mixed with, sympathy? "i'm fine with the simpsons, i've never seen that episode anyway" i turned my head fully to make eye contact with him, when he noticed he gave me a shy smile, i returned it, feeling butterflies in my tummy. fred looked at both of us with disgust "you guys suck!"

❥༄ that was a long while ago, now im in my junior year of highschool while fred and wes have been graduates for a year. they began taking their music seriously, and formed a band. i had to admit, they sounded pretty good. i knew they would make a name for themselves somehow. it was the end of the school day and i was waiting for fred to pick me up since my car was in the shop and none of my friends could give me a ride. after about 10 mins of waiting, fred pulls up with wes in the passenger seat. i gulped as i began to feel those butterflies i've been feeling for 6 years start their swarming again. i hopped in the back. "hey how was school?" fred asked. i shrugged and took my backpack off "it was whatever." he nodded and began driving away from the school "you hungry?" he asked. you were actually starving considering the lunch today was horrible. "yeah could we get taco bell?" i pleaded. Wes jumped up from his slouching position at this, "oh yeah i've been craving tb all day" he turned to give me a thumbs up and a wink. i gave him a sheepish smile and returned the thumbs up. fred groaned "fine but only cause i just got payed" he turned up his music and began driving to taco bell. yay! suddenly wes spoke up "hey who's gonna be at the party tonight?" party? you weren't invited! but then again, when were you ever invited to one? fred began listing some names when you suddenly interrupted him. "can i go?" fred started bursting out laughing. "yeah like i'm gonna bring my kid sister to a keg party." "i'm only 2 years younger asshole! come on please?" fred kept laughing "no way y/n. forget it" i let out a huff of air and opened my mouth to protest, but then wes spoke up. "come on dude let her go. i mean, what's the deal?" i felt my face get hot and i immediately shushed up. why was wes helping me out? did he want me there? ugh he made it so easy to like him. Fred looked at him, gob smacked "seriously? she's like 5 compared to us and everyone else there, she's never even been to a highschool party yet." you slapped the back of his neck, earning a groan from him. yeah it was the truth, but he just totally humiliated you in front of wes! "dude she's old enough to take care of herself. and wouldn't it be better if she went to her first party with us instead of some guys we don't even know? at least we'd keep an eye out for her." wes explained. Fred stayed quiet for a moment. i was in the backseat freaking out. why was wes helping me out so much? i mean of course i appreciated it but i was basically star struck. my brothers hot friend wanted me at a party? score! finally after about a minute of silence, fred spoke up. "fine" he grunted. "yay!" i gave him a hug from behind the seat. "but i don't want you talking to any guys besides me or wes ok? and stay where i can see you!" i wasn't really paying attention. i was just excited for my first party. "ok ok i promise!" he rolled his eyes as he pulled into the tb drive thru

❥༄ it was about 6 hours later and i was ready to go. i put my best makeup and outfit on along with the perfect hairstyle. i went downstairs once i was done, where i saw fred and wes waiting for me. fred jumped up from the couch, keys in hand. "finally!" i rolled my eyes and began following them out of the door, wes and i were trailing behind fred, when wes suddenly bent down to my level. "you look really nice tonight" when i looked up at him, he had a shy smile on his face, his cheeks a slight red, along with his ears. my face turned the same strawberry color as his as i looked down with the same smile as well. "thanks wes. so do you" he opened the backseat door for me, as usual, then hopped in the front with fred. my head was already spinning and i haven't even had any alcohol yet. ugh!

❥༄ we arrived to the party, and as soon as we entered the home it was being thrown at, you noticed a group of 4 waiting at the front door. 2 girls and 2 boys. one of the girls had skunk hair like christina aguilara with makeup like hers too. beside her was the other girl who had black hair with purple streaks. she had heavy dark makeup along with many facial and ear piercings. the two boys were dressed in the same style as fred and wes, basically matching. i suddenly understood what fred meant. i did feel 5 compared to these people. especially the girls. we began making our way towards them, fred and wes greeting the boys first, then the girls. fred began introducing me to everyone. "this is my sister y/n. y/n this is harmony, zayra, jay, and sean.” everyone said hi and waved, except harmony, she was just...staring at me. like i had something on my face. she was the one with the purple streaks. Zayra began to attack me with her compliments. "omg i love your outfit! where are your jeans from?" "oh they're miss mes. i got them at the mall a while ago." i said shyly. she put her arm around my shoulder, "another girl with taste! i like you already! let's go drink!" i obeyed her as she began dragging me to a counter that was littered with various liquor bottles and beer cans. empty and full. "so you're freds kid sister right?" she asked while handing me a shot of something. i was debating on drinking it or not. then i thought, fuck it. i downed it while making a face then answered. "yeah but i'm only younger by two years!" she let out a loud chuckle at my reaction. "you're so cute! you're my girl for the night, harmonys being weird." she said while rolling her eyes, then taking a shot for herself. i didn't wanna pry and ask why, i knew it'd be rude. so instead, i began copying zayra and downing shots like my life depended on it. zayra patted my back in response. "that's the spirit y/n!"

❥༄ it was a while later and the liquor was defiantly kicking in. me and zayra were dancing like crazy together when i suddenly spotted wes and harmony out the corner of my eye. it looked like they were arguing. wes kept looking away while harmony was forcing her hands on his face. i think wes felt me staring because he suddenly locked eyes with me, then me and harmony locked eyes. she grabbed wes's face and slammed their lips together. i looked away, feeling so crushed. how stupid could i be? why would wes want someone like me when he has someone like harmony in his life. she's so much older and cooler. she didn't have to beg her mom to add more minutes on her phone, or be forced to take algebra again. she was grown like wes. i knew i'd have to get over this school girl crush sooner or later, but i didn't think it'd go like this. i stooped dancing and leaned towards zayra's ear, "im gonna go get some fresh air." she nodded and continued dancing.

❥༄ i made my way through the crowd of bodies towards the backyard. whoever's house this was, is blessed. there was a huge pool, a hot tub, and a wooden porch swing. i decided to sit on the swing and pull out a cig from my back pocket. i groaned in frustration as i realized i didn't have a lighter. just then a shadow casted over me, and a voice spoke up. "need a light?" it was wes with his dark blue lighter. "yeah...thanks." i wasn't really looking at him as i spoke. he held the lighter to my lips, i positioned the lighter in a way where the embers would catch the fire being emerged from the metal object. i locked eyes with his big brown ones while doing so, it was like i was stargazing. i also didn't know if it was him or the liquor that was making me feel like i had to puke. he took the space next to me and began making the swing rock back and forth. i decided i needed to pop the question now or it would eat me alive. "so you and harmony?" he whipped his head towards me and began fidgeting with his ear. he only did that when nervous. "what about me and harmony?" he spoke. thanks to all those random shots me and zayra were pounding, i had an insane amount of liquid courage. "oh come on wes! i saw you two basically sucking each others faces. i mean why would you compliment me tonight if you dint like me?" he was staring at me for a while, then he began to speak up but i cut him off. "do you even know how long i've liked you? how much i like you?" things went quiet and he was just staring at me. after a minute he spoke up with a stern voice "do you mean what you say?" i looked at him with a dumbfounded expression. how clueless could he be? "yes! and i know you just see me as some stupid little girl, but i've liked you for years." i began to walk away. until he grabbed my arm, forcing me to turn around. "wow when did i ever say that?" he had a worried expression. "you don't have to! i can tell that's what you and harmony were thinking!" he shook his head before speaking. "y/n harmony's just some jealous ex who won't leave me alone." i looked up at him with my brows furrowed "really?" "yeah!" he said while nodding profusely. we stayed staring at eachother, awkwardly, until i decided to break the silence. "why did you guys break up?" he chuckled a little before he spoke up, he began playing with his ear again too. "when i realized i started liking someone else way more than i liked her." wow. i swore i heard my heart shatter for the second time that night. "who?" i asked, the question making my throat burn and eyes water. then he did something totally unexpected, he grabbed my face with both of his hands, cupping my cheeks with a soft smile, then he connected our lips. i felt like there were a million fireworks exploding all over my body, my hands were shaky and my heart was daring to jump out of my chest. the alcohol was definitely adding fuel to the fire as well. my head felt like it was spinning at 100 mph. the kiss lasted for a minute until i broke away. "does that answer your question?" he said in a dorky voice with a smirk. i giggled while swatting his chest. "yeah it did weirdo." he laughed again. he had this far away look in his eye, just staring at me before he began dragging me back to the party. "what are you doing?" i slightly yelped. "come on! i wanna dance!" he proclaimed with a huge smile. i happily obliged and began following him back into the house.

❥༄ i felt eyes on me as soon as we started dancing, i turned to see harmony, staring at me with daggers in her eyes. sober me would've ignored her, but drunk me had balls. i grabbed wes and kissed him, while keeping eye contact with harmony, just returning the favor! she stomped out the house through the front door. when i pulled away from wes, he looked at me with a huge smile and twinkling eyes. "what was that for?" he said with a chuckle. "i just...felt like it." i said with a giggle. he returned the laugh and we continued dancing. the night ended with me wearing wes's hoodie, and drifting off in the back of fred's car, forever grateful for this night.

[fillingthescrapbook]

Let's Talk About: Fantasy High Junior Year and The Name

"There's no cock on this one!"

This episode is bananas. In a great way. Like, this is the kind of quality story-telling that we don't get from television anymore. Not because the writing sucks; studios just don't produce long-running shows anymore…outside of procedurals. And you can't get this kind of lived-in universe, complicated relationships and drama that comes with it, and seed-planting-and-reaping that Fantasy High has done if you don't have the episode numbers and the seasons to back it up.

Yes, I know that Fantasy High is only on its third season. But we've had off-shoots and one-offs that count as filler episodes. Episodes that may not have moved the story but have definitely grown the characters, colored the world.

Anyway--

This episode is bananas. This season is bananas. And it's all thanks to the episodes that came before. The bits that spun into something bigger. The throwaways that became whole entities. And, most especially, the foreshadowing that was allowed to wait and mature at the right time.

Ayda's love letter during the meteor shower? Epically romantic. But the words that composed it wouldn't have the same impact had we not waited the years between Junior Year and Sophomore Year.

The "Mmm Whatcha' Say" outside Ruben's House; Kristen's touching scene with Bucky, and Cassandra's message; Fabian feeding someone fried rice that's been out in the sun for days; Gorgug going full hacker; Kristen 2 being British AND straight? These are just some of the bits that gave the more plot-bound scenes more gravitas. More impact.

Fig's vision at the Temple of the Fallen Sun; Adaine failing at her Elven Oracle job yet stringing together the legend and history of Ankarna; Riz being so good at being a spy--

And then Brennan cues in the footage of himself from 2019/2020. Of Murph asking how Ragh was able to see Kalina. Bringing back the question of "what the fuck is Barbarian Healing?"

The curtain reveal of how Brennan sold Emily on playing the same character--and it's not the Gilear curse after all. Although it plays into the whole thing.

The Bad Kids have gone a long way. The Intrepid Heroes? Even longer. They've grown. We've grown. And I thank the universe that there are still creatives who are doing proper long-form storytelling.

Thank you, Dimension 20. Thank you, Dropout.

And now we're gonna have to wait one whole week for the next episode. We're finally going to find out what Ally does that breaks Brennan.

I can't wait to see how this all plays out.

[agentjazzy]

oh wow, it looks like Disney's Primos is coming out - I thought they shelved it!

I showed my parents the trailer, and they immediately said that the main character looks just like I did when I was little lmao, because it's true

Because, like, 1)I'm Chicane, and we have the exact same coloring, 2)I had short hair and braces from ages 9-11, 3)I had many many pairs of jean shorts, 4)glasses, lol, and 5)my mom shaved my unibrow every month when I was little

And then, of course, the premise - when I was 8 I had to live with my cousins for Summer (+ one month of school) before we moved in with my grandparents bc *~*technically we were homeless for several years*~*

How many cousins? Well, first with only 3, but then there were problems, so then we moved in with a different tía, who, at the time, had 7 kids.

(if anyone's curious, I have 20 cousins total, with 1 more on the way)

Being in single 3 bedroom house (with 2 makeship rooms in the garage) with 7 cousins, 4 adults, and my little brother was. Um. An experience.

But anyway, after I showed my parents the trailer, I told them this show was supposed to premiere a year ago but had controversies after the theme song dropped, then I showed them the original theme song to see if anything caught their attention.

And sure enough, absolutely nothing. My mom questioned the nickname Nachos, bc it can sound kinda iffy, but nothing else caught their attention.

(and oh, for context, they both grew up in LA, both growing up translating for their parents)

I showed them some clips of why people hated it, and yeah, they were confused bc they would say "oye primos," not "oigan primos." I guess my grandparents weren't concerned with teaching exact grammar at home, more concerned with making sure that my parents were learning english at school

everyone being mad at "terremoto heights" was um. weird. because we're constantly making earthquake jokes, because we're waiting for The Big One, which we know will inevitably screw us over and possible strand us without water and home if/when it comes. but we still joke about it, you know? my whole class made earthquake jokes, and my parents made earthquake jokes when they were in school and they lived through the LA quakes

it makes me wonder if Animaniacs released their "A Quake" song today, would people have been up in arms as much as they have for Primos?

but I guess changing it is fair, if Disney wants to have an international release. even if making earthquake jokes is part of SoCal culture.

they were really surprised about the nickname controversies, because here in SoCal, those nicknames are like. pretty common. yes, even the one that they ended up changing. it's almost as if words have different connotations in different places..........

ANYWAY the biggest thing is that they agreed that the voice actress was out of line (although they think it's obvious that the "shithole" comment was poking fun at trump and that that was being taken out of context in bad faith) but - and this is an inside joke I'm not gonna elaborate on - makes sense considering her name

(IF YOU'RE A MUTUAL OR A TRUSTED FOLLOWER, if you're curious about the joke, I WILL dm you to explain if you ask)

but yeah. it's obvious that this is Disney's answer to The Loud House and The Casagrandes - that being said, all the vitriol towards this shows seems very unfounded. this show just seems very Chicano, moreso than other things I've seen.

and like, as I've explained here, this show is very, heavily relatable to me specifically. none of my white friends understood the pains of living with a bunch of your wild cousins - but multiple of my Chicana friends did. at different schools districts even.

it's just... a lot of the things people are shouting is "bad representation" is literally just... my life. And, apparently, the creator's life, considering it's based on her childhood.

I think it's nice that she made a show about Chicano culture. It does suck that apparently no one knows or even seem to want to know what Chicano culture is.

I just can't help but to wonder if I ever make something about my life, my lived experience... will people call me bad representation? idk.

anyway, I'll probably check the first few episodes out. I'm not sure I'll watch the whole series, since, lately, Disney's shows have been kinda a miss for me. but maybe I'll be surprised. I'm willing to give it a shot

[thatssonanii]

Chapter Three

Warnings: Cursing, Discipline, 18+ (excuse any typos)

Masterlist

Chapter Two

"Look who remembers they have a mother on the other side of the country," Nadine chuckled into the receiver, "Been a whole three months since I've heard from you, Moriah DeBreaux."

Moriah's sigh floated through her lips. "Mama, I texted you at least once or twice a day when I'm not working."

"Hearing your voice and texting are not the same thing. So why haven't I heard from you?"

Zilla looked over at his girlfriend from the road, putting a comforting hand on her thigh. He felt bad being the one that told her to call but he knew she couldn't avoid Nadine forever. 

"Between work and Zilla, I've just been a little busy trying to get into our routine. I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm sorry for not calling."

Nadine hummed at the sound of his name. "So you and him are settling in fine then I suppose?"

"Yes, Mama, we've been fine."

"I should say that's good," she mumbled, "And the furniture? It's still all okay? Your father insisted on picking the sofa but I had final say."

Before Moriah could stop him, Zilla pulled the phone from her as they came to a red light. He held it away from her, pushing her hands away from him as he laughed. 

"I'm glad you asked, Ms. Nadine. The sofa is real nice, came in handy until we got our actual bed."

"What does that mean, Isayah?"

He laughed seeing Moriah mouth 'no' to him. Quietly, he told her to relax as he drove through the green light. 

"That means that I understood the assignment from the condoms to the sofa, you wanted to make sure we was safely and comfortably gettin busy," he explained ignoring his girlfriend hitting his arm, "And I wanted to let you know we did just that. You should definitely get one of them sofas for ya house too should you decide to date again."

The line went silent, Zilla had to hold back how loudly he wanted to laugh while Moriah sat mortified and laughing in the passenger seat. 

"Tell Moriah I will talk to her later."

Zilla chuckled, "Yes ma'am, Ms. Nadine. Forreal though, think about gettin the sofa. Aight?"

When the phone hung up, he passed it back to her still laughing. She snatched it and tossed it into her purse. 

"I'm gonna beat ya ass in your sleep tonight. You just wait. Why would you say that to her? Why?"

He shrugged playfully. "Sometimes you gotta get people before they get you, Fat. You know she was bout to start with you."

"I know but it's cause she was upset I hadn't called her in three months."

"Man," he stressed, sucking his teeth, "Fuck all that. If she wanted to talk to you, she woulda called you. Did she call you?"

"No, but."

"Ain't no but. If she wanted to talk, she woulda called. Everything ain't ya fault. You hear me?"

"I hear you, Zay. You're right."

He squeezed her thigh lovingly before returning his hand to the steering wheel. "Relax, don't even think about it. Gone and take a nap, we got like 2 more hours to we get to Pensacola."

"I'm not," she paused to yawn, "I'm not tired though."

He laughed, "Stop bein so damn hard headed and take the nap."

She mimicked him as she got comfortable, he reached in the backseat passing her his blanket. He glanced at her to make sure she was covered up saying softly that he loved her. 

Clack

Clack

Clack, Clack

Huffing, fourteen year old Moriah snatched her covers off and went to let up her window. She poked her head out, not at all surprised to see Zilla smiling up at her. 

"Do you know what time it is?" She asked in a hushed tone. 

He shrugged, "It's like one something. So what?"

"One in the morning, Isayah. I was sleep, you should be sleep."

Again he shrugged. "Couldn't sleep and you ain't answer ya phone so I came here."

"Because I was sleeping like a normal person," she frowned, "How did you even get out?"

His smile was back, although this time it resembled a sneaky grin.

"Cause I'm me. Come on."

"My mama is gonna kill me if she catches me. No."

"She ain't gon catch you, ima have you back in time like always."

Groaning, Moriah quietly shut her window and went to get her vans. She didn't bother putting anything over her pajamas or taking off her scarf but she did fix up her bed before quietly leaving her bedroom. When she got downstairs, she grabbed them both juices and eased out of the back door. She passed him a juice and stared at him.

"What I do?" He asked opening his juice. 

"Don't play with me," she warned, "I'm out here. What do you want?"

He grabbed her hand, pulling her along with him out the back gate. They walked down the sidewalk in silence besides the neighborhood dogs barking. He would squeeze her hand every now and then. 

"I got a competition next weekend. You coming?" 

"Where at?"

"Dallas. Your mom said she would bring you, if you wanna go."

He shrugged, starting to shake his head. 

"You haven't been to one in months, I really want you to come."

He glanced at her, coming to a stop under one of the street lights. Standing in front of him, she reached up to fix his hair a slight frown on her face. 

"I'll see what I can do."

Moriah's face completely dropped at his words. She knew what that meant and it wasn't what she wanted to hear. 

"Just tell me no cause that's what that means. What girl is it this time? Or is it your new friends again?"

"Ain't no girl, Fat."

"So it's those boys then. You'd rather get in trouble then come support me. I gotta be in trouble all the time to get you to hang out with me or something?"

He frowned down at her. "I ain't say shit about gettin in trouble. I just already made plans with them."

"Plans to do what," she asked, folding her arms across her trouble. She scoffed when he didn't answer. "Exactly. You only wanna hang out with me when they don't need you or in the middle of night. I barely even see you in school anymore, Zay. If you don't wanna be friends no more, just say that."

Realizing she was about to walk away, Zilla pulled her back to him and held on so she couldn't move. He leaned back against the street light, hugging her tight. 

"I know it ain't that easy to get rid of you," he joked. "Ima make more time for you but you not my only friend, Fat."

She scoffed trying to pull away. "Those boys ain't your friends. The ones from your neighborhood and school are but then other ones ain't."

He huffed not taking his arms from around her. "Either way, you ain't the only one but you are the most important even though I ain't acting like it. Ima do better wit you. I promise. Aight?"

"And you promise to come to school," she added staring up at him. 

He chucked. "Not every day but I promise."

"And you're gonna come to my competition next weekend?"

"Only if you come to a party with me tomorrow."

She huffed playfully. "Fine, I'll go but you better come. I'm not playing."

"Bet," he yawned, "Let's go to my crib."

Knowing she shouldn't, Moriah walked to his house with him talking the whole way there. He kept hold of her hand, keeping watch of any danger. When they got to the house one of his brothers was in the kitchen, he made eye contact with them both then checked the clock. He questioned the teenagers but didn't dig too deep into it. 

Making it to his room, he got comfortable in his basketball shorts then got in his bed beside Moriah. He pulled her close to him. 

"Why you like bein bad?" She asked softly. 

"Ion like it, it just happens."

"You're making the choice though, Zay." She sighed thinking of her next words. "You made the choice to not hang out with me and leave me alone at school. Pretty soon you're gonna leave me alone out here."

He turned her over to face him, she wasn't surprised to see him frowning. 

"What you mean?"

"It ain't a secret, Zilla. Your mom tells you all the time if you don't stop you're gonna go to jail. The stuff that you're doing is gonna put you there and you're gonna leave me."

Although it annoyed him to constantly hear that, he didn't like the way it affected the people around him but it wasn't enough to make him stop. Placing a kiss to her forehead, he hugged her briefly. 

"I ain't goin nowhere, man. Ima be right here so we can do the shit you planned for us." He chuckled seeing her smile. 

"Promise?"

He had no idea if he could keep it. 

"Promise."

Taking a chance, Zilla captured her lips in a kiss. It was something he wanted to do for a while but was never quite sure if she felt the same way. The chemistry in that moment felt like the right time, her kissing him back confirmed his thoughts. He pulled away first then kissed her forehead. 

"Go to sleep. Ima make sure you up in time to get home."

Around 8am, the teenagers were being woken up by hits from a broom. They jumped out of their sleep, looking around in confusion and blocking the hits. Leata landed a few more smacks with the broom.

"Do you know how crazy you two have made everybody?" She yelled. "Your mother has been panicking cause she woke up and you weren't in your bed, Moriah! Your father is trying to get here from Georgia and you're in my house!"

Zilla stood from the bed, rubbing at his eyes. "It ain't her fault, Ma. It's mine, my bad."

"My bad?" She repeated in disbelief and hit him a few more times. "And no worries, I already know it's your fault but she knew better too! What were you thinking sneaking out, Moriah?"

Moriah fumbled with her nails nervously, not wanting to get hit again. "I usually make it back in time. We don't usually come here."

"Usually? Oh so you two have been sneaking out for a while then! What is wrong with you two? What if something happened?"

Zilla sucked his teeth. "Man, I got her. Wasn't nothin gon happen to her."

"I've had it up to here with you and your attitude, Isayah. You two were wrong," Leata stressed. "Especially knowing that her mother doesn't even want you two bein friends! Just … get your stuff, I'm taking you home, Moriah. And you're going too and you're gonna apologize to her mother."

When they pulled up to Moriah's house, Nadine was waiting on the porch with a police officer. All three collectively sighed, as Leata put the car in park she turned to look at the teenagers. 

"I don't want any attitude out of either of you, it's only gonna make this worse. Apologize then keep your mouths shut. Are we clear?" She waited for them to nod and got out of the car. "Nadine, I'm so sorry about this. I had no idea she was at my house."

Nadine flew off of the porch to her daughter, frantically checking her for bruises and any signs of distress. The officer stepped off the porch going to the group.

"Everything seems to be alright here. Call if you need anything else ma'am."

"Everything is not alright," she spat, "That boy kidnapped my daughter and I want something done about it."

The officer held back what he wanted to say instead tried to be diplomatic. "Ms. DeBreaux, were you at their house against your will? Did you want to be there?"

"I wanted to be there," she said softly. 

"Did this young man coerce you out of your home?" Moriah shook her head. "Okay so Mrs. DeBreaux, there's nothing I can do as she was not kidnapped. The only option you would have, I don't think you would like much."

"Ms. Parker. And what's that?"

"My apologies, Ms. Parker. Taking her in as a runaway child and charging her but that's only going to affect your daughter. I cannot take him unless his mother decides on that." The officer explained gently. 

Nadine looked between the teenagers as she thought over her choices then a smirk appeared on her face. 

"Can you hold her while I decide if I wanna press charges or not?"

"Mama!" Moriah shrieked, terror was written all over her face. 

"Now, Nadine, a simple punishment will do." Leata interjected trying to help. 

"With all due respect, I won't be taking parental advice from someone with a child like yours," she spat. "Now, can you or can't you hold her, Officer?"

He sighed, giving Moriah a quick, apologetic look. "Yes ma'am, we can hold her for up to 72 hours."

"Mama, don't do that." She pleaded starting to tear up. 

Zilla scrunched his face up, "That's some bullshit. It ain't even that serious."

Leata quickly shushed her son. 

"I'm nipping it in the bud now, something your mother should've done, Isayah." Nadine smiled widely. "Take her, Officer. Her father and I need to decide what to do with her."

Taking out his cuffs, the officer waited for her to give her phone to her mother then reluctantly cuffed her. She cried as he walked her to his patrol car, he helped her in then went back to Nadine. Zilla went to his patrol car to reassure her through the window, trying to get her to stop crying. 

"Ms. Parker, if you take longer than 72 hours the decision will no longer be yours and she'll be charged as a runway."

"Let's say we decide to move ahead, what kind of punishment will she get?"

He cleared his throat, trying to bite his tongue. "Anywhere from community service to a year in the detention center, ma'am."

"Thank you. You can take her now, I need time to think," she informed him politely. 

When the patrol car drove away, Leata stayed put to talk to Nadine. She knew that the teenagers shouldn't be sneaking out but Nadine was pushing it. 

"I know that you're not fond of their friendship and I know that what they did was wrong but locking her up is too far. That girl has never been in trouble," Leata spoke calmly, "You're going to traumatize her if you leave her in there for three days and if you press charges. This is not right, Nadine."

Nadine chuckled, "She wasn't worried about being traumatized when she was laid up all night with your son so I'm not gonna worry about it now."

"Nadine, really? This is a lot even for you."

"Moriah is my child, not yours. You don't get a say in how I raise my kids, Leata."

Moriah's father, Hassan flew in that night and woke up early to get his daughter out of holding. She cried in the backseat the whole way back to the house, going straight to her room when they got back. Hassan argued with his ex-wife after finding out that she was still entertaining the idea of pressing charges. The only way he got her to change her mind was by threatening to take his daughter with him back to Georgia. He stuck around for two weeks as support for his daughter, having a few conversations with Leata and Zilla while he was there against Nadine's wishes. 

After ending the call with Moriah, Nadine facetimed her ex-husband to fill him in on the conversation. Her blood was boiling from the things Zilla had said to her. When he answered, she could tell that she had interrupted him working but she didn't care.

"What's goin on, Nadine? Everything alright?" He asked looking at his computer screen.

"It would be nice to have your attention while I speak, Hassan."

With a shake of his head, Hassan did a few more things on his computer then turned to look at his ex-wife's face on his phone. "You've got my attention. What's up?"

"Your daughter's boyfriend is what's up," she says with an eye roll, "She finally calls after three months and he interrupts our conversation to tell me about them gettin busy. The nerve of that boy."

He chuckled at the sour face expression she had. "He just said that out of the blue or were you bothering Moriah?"

"You think you know everything. All I did was ask her how the sofa was working out for them."

"And I'm assuming before that you had something smart to say about him or their relationship."

"I … that's not the point," she said pointedly. "That boy told me he understood the assignment from me giving them condoms and a sofa."

"Both of which you gave them to be a smartass, Didi. They would've had a much smaller sofa if I let you pick it." He shook his head letting a soft chuckle pass his lips. "He's not gonna let you keep poking at them or Moriah, I keep telling you that."

She scoffed, "He needs to respect his elders. That boy is disrespectful."

"Respect is given, Didi. You haven't given him a reason to respect you, especially with the way you've been disrespecting him and his mama for years. He's bit his tongue because he loves Moriah but she's also gonna be the reason he stops biting his tongue."

When the call went silent, Hassan turned back to his computer to computer his work while he waited for her next thought to come through. He had been trying to explain to Nadine that trying to keep the young couple apart or drive a wedge in between them was going to backfire on her for years but he knew his ex-wife didn't understand that. Not yet at least.

"You need to go down there and check that apartment out, Hassan. Check on our baby."

He laughed, "What do you think he's doing to her? You know our child, if he wasn't doing right and if the apartment wasn't up to par … she would not be there."

"Will you just please go? It'll make me feel better."

"Or you could go yourself, Didi."

"Hassan, please."

Glancing at the screen, he sighed seeing her slight pout that reminded him of their daughter. 

"I'll see what I can do but I'm not getting in their business."

She smiled widely. "Thank you. I owe you."

When the couple got to Pensacola, Zilla drove them to his cousin's house where they would be staying for the weekend. Jon and Trinity invited them to get them out and around family for a little while. Moriah had met them a few times before, they made her feel apart of the family just like the rest of his family had. 

"How you like that hospital, sis?" Trinity asked as she braided Moriah's hair in the living room. 

"It's cool so far, most of my coworkers are nice." Moriah responded excitedly. "I didn't really think I would like the emergency department but it's growing on me."

"Where did you wanna be?"

"Pediatrics or Labor and Delivery," she shrugged, "I'll get there eventually though."

Trinity hummed out a response finishing a braid. "How have you and Zilla been? I know yall get lonely by yourselves."

"Not lonely but it's definitely different not having his mom around. I didn't realize how much the both of us spent with her," she chuckled. "Our first like week or two, we couldn't sleep without talking to her. It was crazy."

Trinity laughed, touching Moriah's shoulder. "I can't even judge yall, I would be the same way. How's he liking it so far?"

"He likes it a lot and he made a friend but I can tell he gets sad sometimes."

"Cause of his dad?"

She nodded. "Yeah, he wants to share it with him and train to him but can't and that upsets him."

"He talk to you about it?"

"Not in detail. He told me what I just told you and that was the end of it. He's not great with that kind of emotion."

Hearing their other halves voices, both of them stopped talking and waited. Jon went to mess with Moriah's hair and she slapped his hands away playfully.

"You just like Zay," she laughed, "Annoying as hell. Move."

He put a hand to his chest acting as if he was offended. "I invite you to my house and you treat me that way. You sleeping on the patio, Zilla can sleep inside."

Zilla started to laugh until he made eye contact with his girlfriend. 

"That's funny, Fatu?"

Zilla tried to stop laughing. "I mean."

Trinity laughed, "Think carefully about your answer."

"You gon let Jon put me outside?"

"Aye, uce, don't let them punk you like that," Jon joked hitting Zilla's chest, "I got yo back."

"Don't get yourself in trouble, Jon." Trinity added.

Jon sucked his teeth playfully nudging his cousin. "Man, come on. Tryna get us in trouble. We'll be back, goin to the store."

Later that night, the couple cuddle in bed in their guest room after the long day. Zilla and Jon cooked on the grill for everybody then they ended the night with a couple of movies. 

"You tired?" He asked softly. 

"No but I'm not having sex with you in your cousin's house," she chuckled. 

He kissed her face then her neck. "I wasn't even finna say that but if I was, you act like we ain't did that in both our people houses before."

"Nobody asked you to bring that to. What you want though?"

"Just wanted to talk, if that's cool with you, fun police."

She laughed pinching his arm. "I am not. Talking is fine though, I'm listening, babe."

"I know I fucked up the plan you had for us gettin put away for all that time and I'm sorry for that," he paused to kiss the side of her face, "Ima make it up to you. Ima take us around the world, put you in a big ass house just like this and get you a nice ass car."

She smiled a little. "I don't need all that."

"I know but you deserve it though. Ima put a rock on your finger too. And you know what's gon happen after that?"

"Tell me."

He moved his hand to her stomach, rubbing it. "We gon have lil Zillas. I was think bout 4 or 5 should be enough."

She laughed softly putting her hand on top of his. "Who is about to push 5 babies out? I think we need to discuss that a little more."

"You gon push em out and ima be right there with you for all of it. Where you wanna live at? Texas? Here?"

She hummed thinking it over, "Uuh unless your mom is gonna stay near us wherever we go then we'll be in Texas."

"Cool with me," he responded going back to kissing her neck, "Zilla gon spend the rest of my life takin care of ya hard headed ass. Zilla got you forever. Aight?"

"I know, babe."

He pulled her closer, holding her tighter. "Just bare wit me, Fat. Ion know the right answers all the time but ima try."

"As long as your trying, that's all I care about, Zay."

Down the hall, the older couple was still getting ready for bed and engaged in conversation. There was more to their invitation than they told the young couple. 

"She mention her mama to you, Trin?"

Trinity shook her head trying to tie her scarf around her head. "Nope. We talked about everything except her mom."

"Mmm," he hummed going to finish brushing his teeth, "Zilla definitely had something to say about her. And I'm sorry but he better than me, I would've been cussed her ass out."

She fixed her scarf then turned to her husband, "That bad? What he say about her?"

"Just that she always got some smart shit to say about him and they relationship and that she pick at Moriah, tryna make her feel bad."

"I'm not accusing him of anything but did he cheat on her something? Why doesn't she like him?" Trinity asked going to their closet for her pajamas. "As long as it's been and she still don't like him. It's gotta be something."

"That's just it, he ain't did no shit like that to her. They ain't get together to after he got out."

She hummed. "Maybe it's the prison thing."

"Nope," he shook his head, "She ain't like him way before that. When they was teenagers, she was about to send that girl to the detention center just to keep them apart."

After a few moments, Trinity emerged from the closet with a frown on her face. Jon explained the whole situation to her, making sure not to miss a detail. 

"That was a bit much. I get it she snuck out but to go that far is crazy."

"Exactly," Jon exclaimed, "Uce think it's something to do with her dad and their divorce."

Trinity stared at her husband for a moment before it clicked. "You want me to ask her about their divorce?"

"Yeah, see what happened. It could help."

"I'll ask but after I do the most important thing. She needs to put her foot down with her mom and put down some boundaries." 

He nodded going over to his side of the bed. "Cause she him ruin their relationship and ion wanna see that. I like her and Uce together, they cute."

"And they really love each other. You can tell."

He pulled the covers down on his wife's side so she could get into bed. "So the plan for tomorrow is to get her to talk about her mama and ima get his ass to open up a lil more about his feelings. Deal?"

[lucygraybaird]

Here's part 2:

It was a sunny winter morning, despite the cold Marigold and CC had been out for a few hours, trying to find something entertaining to do with their spare time since the lake wasn't cold enough to skate but the lake wasn't hot enough to swim.... Unless you had a death wish.

Sky Jade had come out to play with her older siblings as Maude Ivory was still asleep. "Can I come play with you?" Sky Jade asked, holding a stuffed bunny with the creatively thought of name- "Bunny". Bunny was scruffy and had turned into a off brown colour over the years. It was always nestled under Sky Jades arms even when she was asleep. Sky Jade was the smallest and youngest in the covey which meant she got a ton of love and treats. Her pale face was covered in freckles and she had big, baby blue eyes and a small scar above her lip which she had when she had since she was little. She didn't know where it really came from though and Marigold refused to tell her. Sky jade always wore her blonde hair in two pigtails which she often used to cover her face.

"Nuh uh. We don't allow babies to play with us- your gonna get hurt and I dunno how to be a doctor" Marigold told her as she jumped off the tree, trying her best to keep her balance as she fell off.

"I ain't a baby! I'ma 7!" Sky jade complained, crossing her arms as she pouted. "Bunny said I'ma grown!" She whined softly.

"You still suck your thumb and you can't lie 'bout it cause I saw it from my bunk bed" Marigold complained. The covey had only 2 bedrooms. They weren't the biggest but could fit enough bunkbeds for the kids. The only 'Kid' who didn't sleep in the kids room was Dolly Rose due to having to have a good night's rest due to going to school although Sky Jade often snuck into Lucy Gray's bed with Maude Ivory as they both got scared quite often.

"I'MA GONNA TELL LULU!" Sky Jade complained as she ran off with Bunny in her arms. "LULUUUUUU!!!!!!!!" She screamed loudly while running over to the covey house.

Marigold chased after her. "Shhhh!!!!!" She gave her a look, annoyed Sky Jade got her way again. "Fine. You can play- But if you break a arm you ain't allowed to cry. Not one bit" she grumbled.

"OK!!!!!!" Sky jade screamed excitedly, jumping up and down joyfully.

"CC cmon. We gonna ride bikes down the hill!" Marigold said as she grabbed her old bike. The bike was definitely not safe at any stretch of the imagination. It was old and extremely rusty. The breaks didn't always..... Work either. Apparently it was more 'fun' that way according to Marigold.

Sky jade excitedly skipped along with her family as she got on her small bike. It was homemade a few years ago when Marigold was smaller and needed training wheels. Sky Jade got on her wooden bike which she decorated with tons of stickers she got from the general store with her pocket money she had saved for 2 WHOLE DAYS! that was alot for her.

Marigold jumped on her bike with CC. CC waited for Sky Jade, not wanting to abandon his little cousin. Although Marigold rode off, without a care in the world.

Sky Jade struggled to get started as she tried to push off. "Mm! CC- help!!!!" She whined.

"Here-" he said slightly, giving her a slight push to get her moving. Sky Jade quickly began pedaling quickly as CC stayed behind her, making sure she didn't fall.

(Meanwhile)

Magic Maroon was laying on the floor, kicking her legs as she used her old school notebook, using the blank pages which she hadn't used during her time at school. Her sister, Dolly Rose wanted her to go more often but Magic Maroon never fit in.... It was like everyone knew she was weird even when she tried to hide it. Even sometimes the covey thought she was weird- even though they didn't say it... Well... Dolly Rose did.... She didn't mean to but- she knew it was true.

Magic Maroon dressed differently then most of the covey. Some of her outfits were even more colourful then Lucy Gray's and Lucy Gray was like... The queen of colour!-

Magic Maroon favourite outfit was a bright blue cardigan covered with black stars knitted into the soft blue fabric. She had a colourful flowery dress under the cardigan and her black hair in two uneven pigtails or braids. They were always uneven and always tied with colourful ribbons she had gotten for her birthday a few months ago. Magic Maroon always made sound while walking. She had pockets full of trinkets, arms filled with bracelets and stickers everywhere even on her black issued school shoes. Due to having a massive growth spurt recently, it was the only ones that fit her. If it was summer, she'd usually go without shoes. Most of the covey kids usually didn't wear shoes in the late spring to late summer although when the leafs fell- Lucy gray made them wear shoes (which Marigold hated with a passion-).

Magic maroon came downstairs, looking for anyone to play with. She didn't really have a specific best friend. She'd usually play with Marigold and CC although sometimes they were way to dangerous for her. She didn't want to be bedridden for a week due to Marigold again....

She also didn't want to play with Sky Jade and Maude Ivory as they were only little and they got scared when Magic Maroon wanted to play the 'kidnapped princess'. It was a game she made up a few years ago- apparently before panem a ton of princesses roamed and had to get saved by a 'big strong' man although Magic Maroon didn't think men were.... That good.

Dolly Rose was boy crazy- she fell for everyone and anyone... Especially Peacekeepers! That was... Weird according to Magic Maroon and Marigold. That was the only thing they agreed on. Boys were GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She finally found Dolly Rose, practicing her sewing on Sky jade's ripped dress. She had tripped a few days ago, ripping her knee length dress and Dolly Rose was fixing it for some reason that Magic Maroon didn't really know which meant time for a investigation!!!- like those cool spy movie they saw once! "Whatcha doin'?" Magic Maroon asked.

"Learning how to be a good wife someday" Dolly Rose said, fixing the dress. "The girls in my class said you must start early" She said quickly before fixing the dress once more.

"Ain't that gross? I don't wanna husband!" Magic Maroon complained to her older sister. Dolly Rose was so pretty and young! She was only 13. It wasn't right she was thinking about marriage this early!

"Because your immature" Dolly Rose quickly said, looking up at her sister. Her natural beauty was covered in thick makeup that Lucy Gray let her borrow only once. That one time was 10 months ago.

"But your being so captioly. Remember we don't like them?" Magic Maroon didn't like how her older sister was becoming so.... Captioly. It was weird- the covey wasn't like that!

"Well I ain- cannot help it if they are good with fashion" Dolly Rose said, her covey accent fading with every sentence although it occasionally slipped through.

Magic Maroon looked at her like she had 3 heads before she decided to leave... It was weird. Creepy weird..............

(Back with Marigold, CC and Sky Jade)

After about 2 hours of riding bikes down muddy hills and falling off, Marigold was covered in head to toe in mud with CC. Sky Jade didn't have any mud on her as she had found a small meadow to pick some flowers for Lucy Gray.

"Cmon-" Marigold smirked as she biked back home, almost forgetting Sky Jade again. She wasn't the best older sister.... Was she?-

Cc made sure Sky Jade got home safe and sound as they biked off, helping Sky Jade keep up as Marigold zoomed off.

As they got into the door, Dolly Rose looked like she was going to kill someone or herself due to the amount of mud they were about to track in. "Getta out with your mud!!! Ain't bringin' it in here. I'ma gonna get barb azure to whip your ass if you brin' anythin' in here! Go wash up now" she quickly said, whacking them out with her broom. When she got angry, Dolly Roses accent came out.

"WOAH WOAH keep your head on!!!!!!!!!" Marigold complained as she walked off with CC.

Cc grabbed the hose pipe, letting it run a little. The covey didn't have much reliable water so they had to be fast. He quickly washed himself off before washing off Marigold. "Go inside. I dont wanna you to freeze" CC told Marigold as Marigold ran off inside, quicky grabbing a towel. She dried off her untradtionalyly short blonde hair before drying off her legs and arms, changing into a old pair of Cc's PJ's he had grown out of a few years ago. They were a off white and had off blue stripes due to the years of wear. While Marigold changed, CC changed into a pair of gray pajama bottoms and a white shirt. The covey pajamas were actually quite borning, their money was usually used on performance outfits instead of unique pajamas.

Since it was getting late, Sky Jade was curled in Lucy Gray's chest, sucking her thumb as she was curled close to her. Despite Lucy Gray hating about how much Sky Jade sucked her thumb, she just signed. "Whatca you playin'?" She asked her as Sky Jade was falling asleep in her arms as the covey adults talked as the younger kids played a board game together. Curfew for the kids was when it got dark because they didn't want them to get hurt or lost.

"We playin' snakes and ladders!" Maude ivory said as Marigold took a turn. She landed an 8 which meant she had to go all the way back to the start. As CC rolled he got a 3, able to win. Marigold grumbled, throwing a pillow at his face. "Idiot. I'ma gonna beat you next time-" she smirked, trying to hide the fact she was annoyed.

"Is next time tomorrow?" Maude ivory asked tiredly, rubbing her eyes slightly.

"It's time for bed all of ya. I don't wanna any grumpy kids tommrow!" Lucy Gray called out, giving them a look to get upstairs and off to bed. For once, everyone listened as they had a tiring day due to playing outside. They also knew that they didn't want to get grounded tommrow for not listing. Although Dolly Rose was allowed to stay up, after turning 13 she was classed as almost like an 'adult'. She was now allowed to do 'adult things' such as stay awake later and even have a little alcohol sometimes.

Marigold crawled into her top bunk as she shared a bed with CC. Sky Jade and Maude ivory of course shared a bed due to being best friends and Magic Maroon had her own bunk, she used to share with Dolly Rose before she got 'upgraded". The bunks were handmade by Tam Amber and Billy taupe a good few years ago due to growing covey numbers. The bunks were old, but sturdy. Lucy Gray came inside the room, tucking Sky Jade in "Go to sleep. You gotta go to bed with the birds if you want to greet them at dawn" Lucy Gray said before blowing the kids a kiss and switching off the naked dim blub which hung above the room. She lit a small candle, putting over a glass dome over the open flame to protect the kids from getting burnt.

Finally..... The house was silent. All the kids were asleep for now.......

[lowpawly]

How many comics do you have? and where can I find them?

thank you for asking!!!!

sadly right now i don’t have any finished comics to show off as I only recently got the time to seriously work on my art BUT i do have a variety of projects that i can show off! there’s some stuff i’m actively working on and other stuff that’s more of a back burner thing but let me list out everything i’ve done/have planned on doing

1) angel bites

ok so my current project i’m working on right now is called angel bites and it’s actually going to be a fun lesbian erotica comic about an angel girl and devil girl who are bandmates and who secretly hook up on the side. i’m currently in the process of thumbnailing this one and i’m guessing it’s gonna be around 60 or so pages. once im done i’m gonna have the comic up on patreon/have it for sale digitally on a platform like itch.io BUT the first 20ish pages are sfw so I will post those publicly for free so i can show off my work and characters.

i designed these in universe pin ups that i haven’t posted publicly yet and even though i wanted to wait until i finish the third one in the series that’s a little sillier theyre my most recent and best looking art of the characters

2) sacrificial lamb

sacrificial lamb was my main focus for a bit but i’ve taken a break from it for the time being to work on other projects. it’s a more serious project than anything else i’ve been doing but it’s one i’ve been planning out since 2021 and that i do want to seriously look into getting published when it’s finished. it is a lesbian horror comic about a butch lesbian rabbit whose femme cat girlfriend gets sucked into the darker side of new age spiritualism. here is my WIP of the cover and a finished page

3) claw wrench

this is a lower priority project of mine but one i still want to make exist in some form one of these days. it’s about a teenage cat named milly going to live with their estranged super genius mad scientist half sister named mindy and her robot assistant mr. rogato. it would be a newspaper strip style comic with a few larger plot threads. i might start it up one of these days after i’ve gotten some other comics under my belt and i feel like i have a better mental image of what i want the writing to be like. here’s some designs i did in 2021

4) be mine, valentine

this is a project featuring characters of mine who i’ve had for a few years but only recently decided i wanted to turn into a short story. it’s about a peryton coder named cupid who is unbeknownst to herself a trans girl egg discovering her identity after being hired by a trans girl sex worker unicorn named valentine to help build a website for her work. it’s a short but sweet little love story that i have to plan out better before i seriously work on it but i can see it being something i make in the near-ish future. there will be some nudity and sexual themes but nothing pornographic so i will upload it for free online when it’s done ^_^ sadly i um…don’t have a sfw drawing of valentine yet LOL so you’re just gonna have to deal with a cropped pic

5) thalassophobia

this is probably most relevant to peoples’ interest who follow me and something probably remember. thalassophobia is a really big steven universe fan comic i started writing to give lapis a more complete arc. i had a lot of passion for it back in 2022/23 but steven universe hasn’t been on my mind as much recently so it’s gone on the back burner. still i put a ton of work into it so i’d like to come back and finish writing it one day, although for the actual comic process i might see about getting some help on pages and colors and such since considering the scale i think it’s way too big for me to do solo. here’s a cover and a few test pages i did

I HAVE ONE MORE COMIC TO TALK ABOUT BUT IVE USED UP THE IMAGE LIMIT i’m gonna finish in a reblog so give me a second

[erythristicbones]

im gonna put like. the bulk of the details/medical stuff under the cut but! uh, totally fun news from yesterday, I had a seizure for the first time and spent a good chunk of the day in the ER

Obviously, this has never happened(that I'm aware of) to me before in my nearly-26-years of life. It only only last somewhere between 2-5mins according to Steph, although I was incredibly confused and disoriented for ~15mins after I came to. As much as the whole ordeal has sucked, I think the absolute scariest part was seeing Steph's face once I was coherent again. Like she's so stoic, has only cried a handful of times that I've know her, a veritable wall of stone in all ordeals. Seeing her well and truly scared for me shocked me back into the present real quick. I don't think I'm gonna be able to forget that face for awhile

The hospital did some scans + tests, although the majority of what those will mean will have to wait for more analysis. The doctor however, was very very certain this was epilepsy related, rather than bacterial/other causes. Obviously since they still need to analyze the tests tho, they have no idea if this is a one-off thing or if I'm gonna have to be on medication for the rest of my life

They're gonna have me on anti-seizure meds until the tests are back, just as a precaution though. Now that I've rested, I don't really feel dizzy/confused/weak anymore thankfully. My chronic back pain is defs worse from the tensing + my shoulder's a little fucked up, but I'm used to ache-y bones/joints and Im confident I can handle that for now

Anyways, I thought it would be important to let y'all know, cause a lot of y'all who follow me are friends/acquaintances. It's also a nice way to be like "hey, I wanna stay active to recover from this, but if I don't have the energy, here's why" too.

[mirabaiidabaddiee]

Professor: alright girls time to PICK AND CHOOSE, Sianna and Tara your up first, Jaylani I’ll let you choose last since tomorrow’s your special day, we save the best for last and we want you feel as lucky as possible

Sianna: yes sir! Tara let’s close our eyes and choose

Tara: oh gosh, we always end up choosing the ones we don’t want, it’s always duplicated somehow

Sianna: hmm, very true. Although we already know which is which and their powers, I think it’s time we just deal with it 😂

Tara: I’ll choose you since you are a very independent young flower 😌

Sianna: aww thanks bestie, I’ll choose you since you are very resilient young lady 😚😚

Tara: girl you know how much I love you ☺️✨

Professor: it looks like the last one is also Sianna, jaylani it’s your turn to take your idol

Jaylani: b-but wait! Why don’t I have an idol by now, I’m old enough and I haven’t gotten in any trouble in 2 years and you know that professor, is something wrong, did I do something?

Professor: there must be a mix up, I swear I put an action figure of you there also jay, I’m sorry but I guess you’ll have to be Sianna again

Jaylani: this just sucks, you know how badly I want someone to look up to me and cherish me, why does something always have to happen

Tara: ugh here comes the water works, jaylani it’s time to be honest with you sweetheart 🙄, nobody wants to be you because your a loser! Nobody will ever-

Professor: Tara that’s enough, you don’t want me taking away your figure and cancelling your traders do you?

Tara: who’s gonna be honest with her then and tell her that nobody wants to be her!

Jaylani: well you know what the fuck is gonna happen, I’m just going to sit here and cry like I always do since nobody takes my damn complaints seriously, they never will

Professor: Jay you are overthinking this, just think about all the other times you’ll get a chance to represent the neighborhood with a figure with your face on it, wouldn’t that feel great

Sianna: Jay it’s gonna be okay, what’s wrong with wanting to be me, I’m the one who put us three together in the first place, I hold a lot of power in this community

Jaylani: but I want to love myself and I want to see myself just like how you’ve seen yourself for the past decade

Sianna: you don’t need a doll to justify your self value jaylani, please lock that in your head, a doll isn’t important to your entire existence and it won’t matter in a few years

Jaylani: I hear the same shit all the time, how the fuck am I supposed to believe it’s true

[clover-midori]

LOST AND FOUND

"Well? What do we do?"

Kwazii and Shellington looked at their prey in embarrassment. What they had caught was one of the Octo-Agents, Paani.

The two sharks figured out that it wasn’t so much of a good idea to just scare anyone like that, when they were literally half shark.

So now, they were on the coast of Isla Guadalupe trying to figure out whether to transform Paani or not.

"Well, just think about it, Kwazii," Shellington looked closely at the macaque monkey. "He’s gotta be in California for SOME reason. Are you sure the other Octo-Agents aren’t looking for him?"

The kitten twitched his ears and shook his head. "That ain’t be the point I’m making! Just look at him!" Kwazii put a paw to Paani's damp, cold face. "He’s close to drowning and we’re just thinking about other things?"

Shellington just looked at him, then back at the sand, admiring how it was just a bunch of mixed granules or whatever.

"I say we give him the fins, Shellie."

The sea otter stared again at both of them, then nodded. "Well, that sounds fun. Like, just imagine what could happen to HIM… now that we’re in the safe zone. On the count of three, let’s swim back down and watch it all unfold!"

Kwazii grabbed an arm, Shellington the other. 3. 2. 1. They crawled back into the cool pink sea, with Paani in tow. It was a heavy load, but the two mermaids managed to haul him into the denser lesirenated water. The kitten looked back at the macaque, and could tell he was about to change in a few moments.

And that’s exactly what happened, as a loud RIP! was heard. Paani had grown massive pectoral fins, like a manta ray's!

"Shiver me whiskers! Shellington, it’s working!" Kwazii released his paw shortly after that first sign of transformation. "Although, he’s not what I expected… it’s still perfect~!"

Shellington let go as well, and looked at Paani, sinking down to the ground. The two followed after him, as his legs rapidly melted into one big manta tail, changing faster the deeper he went. In fact, the moment the macaque monkey hit the ground, the transformation had COMPLETELY finished.

Now all Shellington and Kwazii had to do was wait for him to wake up AGAIN. Poor Paani never could get a full 8 hours of sleep and were well deserved, to say the least.

Barnacles was probably not gonna like this.

~~~~

OVER HANGZHOU, CHINA

Earlier tonight was the worst argument Koshi had seen in years. Her concern for Natquik and Min was growing worse. She kept looking at them, both clearly in deep thought. Pilot and co-pilot yelling over the vanishing of their leader. She could sense that this kind of thing was about to happen again.

It sucked, because this was a mission to find the Octonauts, and nothing else. And still? Things backfired like hell and below. Paani, who was in charge of all this, had gone AWOL, and now Min and Natquik were most likely against each other.

Koshi figured it was best to stay out of their fire, and go to the back of the Octoray. Which is exactly what she did.

Coincidentally, when she went in, Pearl and Bianca were already there. She’d have met the latter during the flight out of Queensland, and things DID seem to be going well with her. No worries there, hopefully.

"Oh, hi Koshi! We were just taking a little tour of this ship. Everything okay? Why so worried-looking?" Pearl shook her paw.

The puppy sighed, looking back at the door. "I mean… I just don’t get why we’re all in a bad mood. I mean, I can understand, but… this is too much." She checked how far she was from Sapporo, and started sweating.

"Well, we were made aware that the Octonauts were safe," Bianca told Koshi, "and things DID seem to get a little better… unfortunately, from what I’ve heard, the agent who planned all this decided to abandon us and now he’s offline."

Taking a moment to put together everything, the dachshund realized what had occurred. "It was Paani, right? He was in charge, from what I remember. Didn’t we all send markers to show where we were?"

The couple nodded. “Yes, but even after all this time, when we’re headed for Hokkaido, Paani didn’t." Bianca explained. "Natquik tried calling again and again but it wouldn’t even ring anymore."

Koshi jotted all this down, keeping an ear open for any conflict from the cockpit. She was making sure to word this in a way it could be mapped out in a simple manner.

Suddenly, the Octoray rapidly sped up, flying insanely fast over Shanghai and the Yellow Sea. No one could keep their footing, except for Min, who was in control of all of this. The pup managed to get back up and open the door, where she saw Min watching the city lights below, with Natquik in the corner, laying on the floor in fear.

"Hey!" Koshi rushed over to the red panda's seat. "The engines could break if you fly too fast! I wouldn’t risk it up here." She lowered the throttle in relief.

Min grabbed her arm and snarled. "You’re lucky I have SELF-CONTROL. I would’ve been more than happy to turn off the autopilot... if me and that fox were the only ones on board… the best I can do with you losers on board is TORTURE him."

Bianca walked out into the cockpit in worry. "You know what? I’ll take over from now on. You two scare me so much… think of everyone else- HEY!"

Min shoved the polar bear to the side, facing Natquik who was backing away from him, like a feral cat about to pounce at a mouse.

"If Barnacles and Inkling were to see this, what would they say? They wouldn’t like it, you know." Pearl also watched the two, just as annoyed as her girlfriend. She just hoped they would stop doing this and be decent people for once.

"Where’s your source they 'wouldn’t like this'?" Min turned to face the otter as well. "Come on, tell me."

"Oh… My source? How about you understand you could get everyone here KILLED, including YOURSELF?" Bianca immediately defended her lover, in deep desire to maul the mapmaker right now. One more move and that would be it.

It was no good. Nobody was getting anywhere. They were just doing this again and again with nothing changed. Mere insanity. And it seemed like hell was seconds away from breaking loose.

That was until Periwinkle finally spoke up in a whimper.

"W-what's happening?"

Min, Natquik, Pearl, and Bianca all stopped dead in their tracks and finally realized whatever the hell they were doing.

Good thing Orson and Ursa were already asleep during all of this, the polar bear thought.

"I- er, uh…" Min sighed. "That was… odd. Why are we all arguing like this, again?"

"I think we’re all just becoming too agitated for each other’s good," said Nat. "All this stress, this fear… Pearl and Bianca have a point. We gotta stop. NOW."

Koshi slowly nodded, guiding them into the back. "Yeah, you two blokes could use some sleep. Anata wa okori sugimasu." She pointed at Min, who looked ashamed.

Pearl walked over to the front and tightly wrapped her son and her lover in a hug.

"There’s no reason to behave like this. I’m sorry, everyone. This just isn’t right." The otter shed a tear. "Now… seeing as Paani left us behind, I believe that Bianca and I will be in charge from now on."

"Thanks, you two." Koshi waved over to the couple and smiled. "I best look after these… bakana hitotachi." She shut the door, and it was lights out.

At this very point, Pearl and Bianca figured out there was only one full solution to this conflict.

They had to tell Min what truly happened to the Octonauts. Before it was too late. Before this shit happened again.

~~~~

"So, we slid all the way into where the library was. We were still in pain, and you know what I try to do? I open the door one moment too late and seawater goes EVERYWHERE, flooding the hallway!"

Throughout the morning, Shellington was happily telling the Vegimals about his and everyone else’s transformations. It felt wonderful to spend time with his findings, especially now that he was truly part of the sea like they were.

"That caused me to change faster than before! It probably took only 30 seconds~! Fascinating, hm?" The sea otter looked at his fin and blushed a little.

"Yeah! Yeah!" was all that the Vegimals could say, clearly impressed by Shellington's new form. He really did fit suit being like this, and there was no denying it.

"…I do hope Inkling did well looking after all of you whilst I was away. Getting used to being a mermaid isn’t easy, y’know…" The otter giggled a little. "But now I get to enjoy all this with you, and you, and you, and… oh, who’s that I hear~?"

At first, Shellington thought he’d have heard Kwazii swimming really fast, but when he got a glimpse, he noticed…

"Paani! Is that you over there?" He called out. The macaque monkey turned his head and saw him. Fortunately, since the sun was out and lightening up the sea, he easily recognized him without problem.

The sea otter swam over and waved to him, a little embarrassed over what he did earlier.

"Shellington!" Paani looked down at himself. "Just when I thought I was alone here, you showed up! Where’s everyone else? And why are we like this?" He held up his right pectoral fin.

Big bother, the otter thought. He started blushing, knowing what had happened to everyone, including Paani. He just couldn’t say.

"Uh, hey Paani! Nice tail you have!" The otter darted off, in internal panic. Sure, the Octonauts getting turned into mermaids was alright, but an Octo-Agent like PAANI?! Could be BIG trouble for EVERYONE.

"T-thanks, I guess." Paani shrugged, looking back at himself again. That otter was acting weird, but the macaque was weird himself, so no worry.

"Hey, wait up!"

Shellington rapidly swam into the HQ, where Kwazii was resting. "Jumping jellyfish, Kwazii! Paani woke up!" He talked right in his ear.

"Uuuugh… What's wrong, matey? Is Tweak angry again, or…" Kwazii quickly got up. "Aye, he’s awake?" Shellington nodded rapidly. The kitten patted his shoulder, trying to let him know to cool off a little.

"It’s okay, Shellie. Let’s not panic. Just tell him the truth, and everything will be-"

"Oh, hey Kwazii~!" Paani emerged from behind the wall out of nowhere, and without prior warning. "I guess we’re ALL like this. Quite splashing!" Mercat and merotter both went completely silent, with blank expressions on their face.

"Sorry, did I scare you both?" The macaque blushed a little. He looked at both of their tails, then at his own, and then at his surroundings. "Seems like you DID crash… again."

Kwazii awkwardly nodded. "Yeeeah, you’re right… Hey, by the way, I’ve got a confession to make, you see, and… well, it involves why you’re here." Paani's ears perked up. He nodded in wanting to hear about this.

"We may have scared you earlier." The merkitten sighed. "You passed out when you saw us and we had to turn you to avoid possible drowning." He looked over at the merotter, awkwardly wiggling his ears.

The manta mer just stared at him, and started laughing. Not in a teasing way, though. Like, he was genuinely happy. Wholehearted laughing, as he wrapped Kwazii and Shellington in his fins.

The other two really wanted to enjoy this, but they knew something was clearly off. Like, the seas had never felt so different. Any contact with the water here would instantly turn you, as shown with Paani.

Him being here should be the least of our concerns at this point, Shellington thought.

Below the Octopod, Tweak kept feeling the same way. And she was worrying that this was only gonna get worse, if action wasn’t taken soon.

"Y’know, Tominnow, I could REALLY go into the launch bay and figure this out." She said, pointing her tail at the Vegimal, then at the hole in the wall. "Like, I could fix at least ONE of the GUPs. They may be inoperable now, but at least they’re 'mostly' repairable, unlike this place…"

Tominnow shrugged, but totally understood what the merbunny was talking about. She knew it was probably impossible for Tweak to control one now that she was like this, but she herself and Tunip could totally help out. Maybe even Barnacles if his tail didn’t get in the way.

"I think I’ll call over Dashi to help me out. The GUP-C is my best option for this whole thing… maybe the GUP-V if I can find that one. I’m looking at you, Tominnow…" Tweak started to smile, less worried than she was earlier. She finally had a plan to keep the west coast of North America safe from all this pinkness.

"Cap was right. The Octonauts are NOT done for. At least, not today."

~~~~

Yeshi walked out into the chilly Hokkaido air. For months, he’d have been working on a little project of his, something that he could easily ride on land AND on sea. Now that the Octonauts were in need of help, he knew he could finally take this thing for a spin, after so many test rides and maintenance sessions.

"You don’t know how many bowls of instant ramen I needed to put all those finishing touches," he laughed. "Today's your first day in the real world, and we’re headed to MEXICO!"

Yeshi stood in front of it: an insanely modified Yamaha Tricity. This three-wheeled motorcycle could do more than roll down Sapporo's roads. In a matter of minutes, it could be configured for riding on AND below water if conditions were right. To the dachshund, it was the perfect size for literally anything, and he had a feeling his sisters would be more than proud of him.

"They’re all out there. Waiting for us. And now, we’re coming for them. Let’s roll, Alpha!"

He hopped on and revved it up, then sped towards the expected landing site of the Octoray. It was gonna land at any moment, and he had to be there right on time.

Off the west coast of Aomori Prefecture, the Octoray lit up the night sky. Koshi reawakened from her sleep to enjoy the view with Pearl and Bianca.

"I’ve been monitoring Min's sleep earlier, and I’m noticing that she’s snoring less." She told the others. "She was most likely having a mental breakdown earlier. Which, seeing how things oughta be lately… I believe that makes sense!"

Pearl rubbed her forehead a bit. "Koshi, I appreciate the research, but I’d rather have that we not talk about her right now. She needs rest anyways."

The puppy shrugged, knowing the otter had a point. It was better to stray from that topic. After all, the incident itself had already passed, and besides, they were getting close to Sapporo, where her big bro lived.

The last time she saw Yeshi in person was something Koshi couldn’t remember too well. Maybe a year ago, maybe longer. Kinda sad if anything.

She went back into the cargo bay and laid down there. She was getting tired herself, knowing she’d have been up for who knows how long.

"I can’t imagine how my sis felt during these long nights down there either."

~~~~

Tweak dug away sand from the back door of the Octopod, so as to open it without issue. If she was gonna get the GUP-C out of here, she didn’t want to mess it up any further. The crash and her transformation had already caused enough damage anyways.

"I don’t know, Tweak. This seems kinda useless," Dashi shrugged. "Unless you’re planning on using them for scrap metal to patch up the holes in thi-"

Tweak shook her head. There was no way she’d do that, at least not now. She knew that, if her own body wasn’t enough to capture lesirena, one of the GUPs could help as well.

Again, she initially thought of the GUP-V, but she couldn’t find it right now. Maybe she didn’t look hard enough.

"Stand back, or not, Dashi. I’m gonna hit the door to try and brute force it open." Tweak violently swung her tail right at it, and with a a big SLAM, it had worked!

"If only that was Cap." The bunny laughed, swimming right in. "That kinda hurt, but I’m sure it would’ve hurt him more."

"I thought you got over that," Dashi said in a perplexed tone. Tweak shook her head again, blushing a little. "I mean, I mostly did, but like, I can’t resist a little slap in his face every now and then, ri-"

Tunip floated right in front of the two mermaids. "Hi, hi!" He kept waving to them.

It was clear he and the other Vegimals managed to squirm through the same little hole Tweak swam out of after her first transformation.

"W-wha… why are y’all in here anyway?" She looked around rapidly. "Lemme guess, is Shellington here?" She quickly swam all over the place, but crashed into herself, sending her into a fit of dizziness.

No sign of the otter.

"Wuuuuh… what’s all this about, then?" Tweak regained her vision, looking down at everyone. "Y’all planning on something secret or what?"

It was then, Tominnow held up the soaked blueprint of what seemed to be…

"…that’s the GUP-V that got us out of that sea snot blob back in December 2013! You’re telling me we’re gonna repair this, hopefully make it better than before?" The bunny eagerly asked, to which Tunip responded with a nod.

"Fuck YEAH! I go looking for copper and I find GOOOOLD!" Tweak cheered, thrashing her tail around. She coiled around Tunip and Dashi, giving the latter a kiss.

"Waste no second, y’all, cuz in the end this will be TOTALLY worth it! Let’s do this!"

~~~~

Getting a nice warm hug from his sister, Koshi, was all Yeshi needed this morning when he walked into the cargo bay of the Octoray with Alpha in tow. If anything, reuniting with relatives woke him up faster than even the hottest of cocoa.

"Ah, if only the twins Fishi and Tushi could come with us on this trip with us," Koshi looked away for a moment. "But hey, as long as they’re happy in Okinawa, then we should be good. Nice motorcycle, by the way."

The older dachshund nodded. "I’ve been working on it for quite a while now. It's got a secret feature of its own, too! I’ll show you guys when we get to our destination."

Pearl walked down and waved at Yeshi. "Finally, everyone's here," she sighed in relief. She and the 2 dogs went to the front.

"Now, Yeshi, I should mention you’re not the only newcomer here. In fact, you hung up before Natquik could explain," the otter awkwardly said. "That’s my girlfriend, Bianca, at the controls. We had a few mishaps earlier so we took over if that makes sense."

Yeshi shrugged. "I guess that’s what happens when your brother is missing. Don’t even get me started on my sister."

Every mentioning of the Octonauts kept making Pearl think again and again. She knew the others were obviously in pain, and she also knew the truth about what happened. But was it time to tell them all?

No, not yet, she and Bianca thought. Wait until they were over the Pacific. Then things would be a little less stressful.

Paani was still nowhere to be found, though.

"Well, it IS nice to meet both of you. Where’s the others?" The dachshund looked around.

"Asleep," Bianca quickly answered without hesitation. "This whole thing has been tiring for Min and Natquik. Just try to stay quiet, okay? Otherwise, they won’t be happy."

Yeshi just sat down, as the Octoray slowly took off one last time. After so long, he was finally making his way to find her. Dashi. Whether she was gone or not.

Hopefully she was still out there. Waiting for him, and Koshi, too.

~~~~

Through the HQ, down the slides, past the laboratory, and towards the launch bay. Barnacles kept following the abomination of sound, figuring out where it was coming from.

It felt so obvious yet he wasn’t completely sure what it was. Either way, it was something he knew could NOT be good.

And that’s when it hit him: Tweak was working on something again. But in a time like this? That surprised him. This all seemed suspicious, if anything. He had to investigate.

The beluga bear swam through the slide leading to the launch bay, only to realize it was BLOCKED. He knew that the bunny was clearly inside, so he tried knocking.

"Tweak? Is everything okay there?" He called out to her, still knocking. He got no response, only hearing the binging and banging of metal against metal, tools working with tools.

"Again, is everything-"

"NOT NOW, CAP!" I’m WORKING!” The bunny slammed her tail against the wall in anger. “This is SERIOUS!”

The polar bear let out a sigh of worry. He would’ve explained something to her but she clearly sounded uninterested.

“Hey, let me help!” A voice came from behind out of nowhere. Barnacles instantly recognized it as…

“I appreciate it, Paani. I could really use some- now hold on, HOW did you get here?” The captain looked back, and there he was, with those wing-like fins. Oh goddamnit, he thought. Not this shit again.

The macaque shrugged with an awkward smile. “I may have gotten a little lost… okay, I actually just BOOKED it before everyone else. Neither of us thought this through, did we? How splashing!”

Both of the mermaids facepalmed. This role reversal was a complete trainwreck. “We should’ve stayed on land for good after the 2021 incident,” Barnacles sighed.

“Even if it meant killing your legacy?” Paani asked.

“Even if it meant killing our legacy.”

“Killing our legacy? Cap, it’s TOO LATE for that!” Tweak shouted. “You got us trapped here anyways…” She swam away from the slide and prepared to finish all of this.

With the help of Dashi and the Vegimals, she felt much better about herself, even if she was getting a little unhinged.

But hey, on the bright side, they were trying to get all the lesirena away from the coasts. After all, no one else deserved their fates. Except for Cap, of course. Maybe he should’ve seen this coming.

“Alright… TAKE a good look, y’all!” Tweak swam in front of it. The GUP-VB. It was REAL. It was COMPLETE. And boy, was this bunny about to take it for a wild ride.

“This thing’s got a more powerful vacuum, even MORE capacity for all the bad stuff, and an insanely accurate water filter, mind ya. It’s gonna get everything, but only water gets out. And another thing?” Tweak took a deep breath. “It’s got an actual ENGINE. This thing will go WAY faster than before! How fast, you ask?”

“Faster than you and I can say… BUNCHA MUNCHY CRUNCHY CARROTS~!” Dashi and her rabbit both shouted in joy.

With its completion declared, Tunip immediately took control of the GUP-VB, and with the flip of a switch, started it up, and it started accelerating. “Didta!” He chirped, turning it downwards.

As they quickly approached the back door of the Octopod, Barnacles finally broke off the metal panel in his way, which absolutely horrified Tweak. “WHAT?! You could break through Flex Tape? Phil Swift EXPLICITLY stated that it even works UNDERWATER!” She started to tremble, and then realized that she was breaking down again. Just like yesterday.

“That will not happen again…” Tweak slowly told herself a few times. She started breathing in cycles, trying to calm herself down until she finally mustered up the courage to explain what she was doing.

Tweak went up to the polar bear, giving him a hug. He patted her back, trying to let her know everything was okay. Dashi hugged the bunny as well, just trying to keep her comfortable.

At this moment, the bunny then realized neither mermaids were getting shocked by her tail. A big surprise, but she was glad to know she could finally control her voltage. She curled her tail tightly around Barnacles and Dashi, feeling much calmer than earlier.

“Hey, umm… You see that over there, behind me~?” she asked, looking back at the GUP-VB. “I was gonna use that to vacuum all the lesirena around this area, so as to avoid it from getting EVERYWHERE. Maybe I should’ve just told you.”

Barnacles lightened up, swimming down to the GUP and releasing the bunny from his paws. “I think you know that I appreciate your efforts… In fact… At this point, we should just forgive each other for this rivalry. Let’s just say that none of us ever caused this crash. Not you, not me. The Octopod just finally gave up, so let’s… let it rest.”

Tweak tilted her head and smiled, even if she was a little unsure, and decided to put her mind on that fact. Like what had happened to Paani, blaming Barnacles for the crash was only killing her, and now that was gonna stop.

“Well, Cap, I think we oughta finally do this,” she shook the polar bear’s paw. “We’ve got a coast to protect!”

“Then there’s no time to waste!” Barnacles flipped back on the switch, and waved his flukes.

“Octonauts, and Paani, to the GUP… VB!”

~~~~

WEST OF SEATTLE, WASHINGTON

As dawn fell, Min had reawakened from her “soft reset”. If anything, to her, it felt like yesterday didn’t even happen… or at least not last night. But hey, the past is the past.

Thankfully for everyone else, she was in a much better mood today. She walked into the front of the Octoray and waved over to Yeshi, nibbling on a macaron.

“Morning, all of you,” said the red panda to Pearl and Bianca. “Did anything in particular happen while I was asleep?”

Neither responded, only giving a few muffled nahs.

Pearl had figured out giving a whole speech on board would only refuel such stress, and decided to leave it as a message on the Octo-Agent division of the private, official Octonauts Discord server, with NO @everyone ping. She decided to go with the “out of sight, out of mind” approach.

(And no, no one knows why Barnacles can’t just use something like Yammer. Though I guess I myself could understand. Too complicated. And that polar bear is, like, 28. So there’s that.)

“Hmm, we're still up here?” Min shrugged. “My ETA says we’ll be on the ground in… N/A, apparently.”

Bianca laughed. “Are you STILL using the previous version of software?” She asked, looking at the screen above. “I know how dedicated you are, but sometimes you just gotta… look up there.”

ETA: 7:58 AM

Min blushed a little. “Yeah, I should’ve updated before takeoff… It’s like 6 in the morning and we’ve just reached the US. Seems like I won’t have to wait any longer then. GOOD. This has been going on forever.”

For the rest of the flight, all went well. Natquik was still asleep, so you can bet he was finally well rested for once in his unfortunate life.

Now to get to Isla Guadalupe before lunch break. Fuck.

~~~~

“I say we start in the center. That way, we can stop it from the source.” Barnacles explained. “Tweak, try to get as close to the Octopod as you can!”

“You got it, Cap!” Tweak yipped, having finished a few curves for practice. She seemed to be getting better by the minute, too. “Everybody, hang on! I got lesirena to SUCK UP!”

The bunny immediately went towards the Octopod, navigating through dense pink seawater by dense FUCKING pink seawater… yeah I think you get the idea at this point. Once again, fuck.

“Wow, it’s like I’m staring into nothing here,” Paani said in awe. Tweak had INSANELY good vision, something no one really minded until now.

To his left, Paani then saw Kwazii swimming parallel to the GUP-VB. On the other side, he saw Shellington, too.

The macaque initially thought they were just guiding Tweak to circle around the site safely, but then he remembered how fucking awful they were at driving, and realized they were holding vacuums themselves.

Turns out they were off to vacuum INSIDE the Octopod, mainly in the laboratory and launch bay.

Everything was finally coming together, he realized.

For once, Barnacles didn’t feel so miserable after the crash. Not that he wasn’t feeling bad anymore.

Seeing the wreckage left him broken. Unfixable if anything. Just like the Octopod. He was sure Inkling felt the same way… where was he, anyways, he didn’t know.

And while he was trying to make the best out of this disaster, trying to stay positive and all, the depression kept rolling in.

And right now, it was at high tide.

Above the surface, Peso basked silently on the coast of Isla Guadalupe… which at this point was the last gateway to the world above.

A bit sad when he really thought about it, but it could’ve been worse. At least he could last longer on land, since he was an orca mermaid. And hey, he was STILL a medic, and he STILL had his xylophone.

Peso knew not everything could have a happy ending. After all, in oceans so vast, anything can happen. At least all his patients, wherever they were right now, had the honor of being treated by that penguin once in their life.

Thinking about it was weird, really. To have the whole idea of medically treating others ever since the near-loss of that one friend he once had? Kiko? To have enrolled in medical school soon after? To have gone through a few very busy years, and then have finished medical school with flying colors so young, then exclusively joining the Octonauts shortly after graduation? To use what he’d have learned for 13 straight years?

And now, to finally end up here?

To think it all started from one thing?

How odd. Not in a (mostly) bad way, but Peso was becoming more self-aware of what his life really was, now that he wasn’t blasting violent breakcore in his ears.

“I was fated to become this. Maybe this was my destiny. Maybe I’m thinking too much… Easy, Peso. Once we get back on track, should everything go well…”

“Huh? What’s that noise?”

The merpenguin’s ponder was rudely interrupted by the sound of loud engines. Engines he recognized easily. He opened his eyes and was met with the distant propellers of the Octoray.

At first, he was afraid. He was petrified. Couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on, up until he realized. HE was here, after so long.

“Flappity flippers… Professor Natquik’s here. But the Captain's busy!” He quickly crawled into the water and hid behind a rock.

Peso was fortunate to not be seen, as the big manta base touched down right on the island. He swam back towards the Octopod, knowing damn well how important this guy’s arrival was.

Trouble was, no one was available. They were all clearing the area.

Except for one individual.

Inkling.

The Octonauts were once LOST. Everything about them, even themselves.

Today, however, all was going to be FOUND.

Little did anyone know, however… that things were going to get WORSE.

[nishibai]

extremely unorganized nishi amani (oc) ramble post (warning. super duper long. fr)

i dont know how to explain initial nishi lore without it being super duper long so ill just link their info post here

read that? alright. hopefully you have a better understanding on them lol. anyway

i feel like its so so so un canon for syobai and nishi to be living in an apartment like normal people. realistically theyd be hopping from motel to motel yk. especially since syobai apparently travels all over the world or whatever. but idc that bad. they have an apartment. suck it

okay random thought but i really do not think nishi should be considered something like a "tradwife"/"housewife". cough cough to Someone in particular who called them that once /lh. i truly believe syobai does Not fucking care what nishi does. nishi occasionally takes up jobs (like. doing basic house cleaning, pet sitting, etc for anyone willing to hire them) just to get some extra cash. syobai is fine with that. but more than often, nishi just stays at home and tidies up the apartment. syobai is chill w that. and sometimes nishi just stays at home and doesnt do anything productive for weeks. syobai doesnt really gaf about that either as long theyre chill. didnt mention when syobai has nishi assist him in his broker shit because i feel like thats different

anyway since syobai is at home like 40% of the time. i dont think nishi is really having to clean up much. but i feel like maybe. this is just a random thought. i feel like maybe nishi is someone who will go from being super fixated on everything being presentable to just not getting out of bed for weeks. (thats the kind of person i am so. projecting) i imagine being alone by themself at home most of the day and also syobai not minding what state the apartment is in probably enables this

ive mentioned that sometimes when focused on doing something theyll work on it as hard as they can until passing out. i kinda think this coincides with what i said before. theyre like me in the way that they work super hard and then take a short rest because theyre exhausted but then stop resting before theyre 100% well again to continue working. then that cycle just continues

unrelated ish but im constantly worried about portraying nishi in a way that might perpetuate something negative. although basically everything that i portray nishi as having is something i myself have. buuut it worries me anyway..

completely unrelated but one day i really want to explain the gap between d/ra and sd/ra2. i have no explanation for what happens to them between that time period. i just dunno. they dont join the kisa foundation afterwards because theyre like. what.. 14 by then?? does d/ra also do that thing where everyone is actually 2 years older than they think? if so then theyd be 14. but i forget. BUT ANYWAY idk what to do with them there

oo wait im gonna make an ugly little relationship chart. hold

OKAY!!! so. that took me a few hours and now i have more thoughts. forgive me if the charts are hard to read :(

(note: excluding yuri*, if theres more than one color on the arrow, then just know that the color further away from the V is what the character initially thought, and the color closer to the V is what they currently think/think after an important event happens) (excluding yuri bc. yuri just happens to have very mixed feelings about them. cuz theyre non binny)

i think most of these are self explanatory. but heres my thoughts on stuff

(for d/ra): i meant to put that nishi was neutral about akane at first but then disliked her. oops. its so tragic to me that nishi trusted kinji and thought of him as a friend until after the Incident. deep down i think nishi probably didnt even blame him for what happened. BUT FUCKIN CRINJO. anyway.. i think the reason mitch dislikes nishi is because i dont think hes good with kids. like at all. same with kizuna but she doesnt outright dislike them. i imagine rei found nishi annoying at first since theyre a child but then at the end grew to not hate them that much

(for sd/ra2): i dont have much to say on the individual relationships but ugh. i didnt MEAN to do this but i think its notable that nishi has pretty.. colorful.. feelings about the cast, yet theyre all either neutral, likes, or friends. maybe that says something i dunno

ive been rambling on this post for a couple hours and now that post-ramble clarity is kicking in and i feel embarrassed. i will end it here even though am feeling so many feelings and am thinking so many thoughts about nishi rn

if u want more nishi insanity. my dms are open (so that i can be insane about them directly to you). or just say u want a pt 2 post... heheh

now if youll excuse me im gonna rb one million oc questions posts