#always nervous about posting things I haven’t edited to death

[arkiliastuff]

Prologue - In a Concrete Jungle

Noah Sebastian x OFC (Aurey)

(pictures edited by me. Originals url linked on the pictures.)

A/N : I thought about this one for a while and, even though I have a lot of other fanfics that are waiting to be finished/written, I wanted to share this one in particular with you :D It's been on my mind for months, the lore maturing in my head. It's going to be a LOT different from what I usually write but I'm trying things and despite the dark mood in this story I hope you'll enjoy it as well ! :D

Warnings/Tags : Strangers/Enemies to Lovers trope, violence, blood, post-apocalyptical universe, cyber-futuristic vibe, "no god, no religion" vibe (I don't mean any form of disrespect in any religion), mention of trauma, death, loss, drugs, mental and physical abuse, trust and abandonment issues. (Just in case MDNI please).

Disclaimer : I haven’t read the comic book “Concrete Jungle” written by Noah Sebastian and illustrated by many cover artists such as Nicola Izzo, Jeremy Wilson and many more, so I don’t know much about the lore and the universe. I just got inspired by the song and the few panels of the comic book that I saw about it. The rest is a pure work of my imagination and it’s not related to anything official. Nothing is canonically official. This is totally fanfiction. And so this is how I pictured the world in the song “Concrete Jungle”.

~The little bean taglist : @valiantroeagleangel @talialovesmiw -> ask me if you want to be tagged :D

━─━─━━─━「₪」━━─━─━─━━─━─━━─━「₪」━━─━─━

She walked there, in this desolate landscape, with a strong determination. Two girls who seemed to look like her friends were following her, looking behind them briefly. Probably afraid of someone or something that will come after them. After all, they went out without authorization. They went out in this no man’s land, caused by gangs and mafias. Many civilians had perished because of this war. The survivors were hiding underground, in the subway. The reason why they went outside was because one of them, a girl with glasses and blue eyes, forgot her necklace at the church where she always went to pray. So after complaining to her friends about her precious loss, the strong-willed brunette who was among them decided to go and get the necklace back. The two other friends eventually followed her even though they were feeling nervous about disobeying.

“If we hurry, we will be back in no time” She said, trying to reassure her anxious friends.

And so, just like the bold brown-haired girl said, they arrived at the place. The church had been bombed. The two girls felt sad about the destruction, but the leader didn't seem to be moved by it. Instead, she was more focused on her mission, looking for the necklace, while making sure nobody would come to arrest them. She was in hypervigilance, almost looking paranoid. She looked everywhere under the seats and chairs that were still there until she saw something shiny. She reached for it and then wiped the dust on it. It was a crux with a silver chain. 

“I found it, Faith.” She stated, calling for her friend.

The latter one walked towards her, analyzing what she found before realizing what it was.

“It's my necklace ! Thank you so much, Audy !” Faith replied happily, using the usual friendly nickname for her friend.

The latter one just nodded in silence, her focus back on her group and looking for their second friend.

“Where is Daisy ?”

The two of them looked around the ruined church before they saw the red-haired girl who was near some candles next to a shrine of prayer. She lit up a candle and prayed in silence for their sake. Faith joined Daisy, lighting up a candle as well while Audy was watching them, starting to get annoyed.

“Come on guys, we cannot stay here too long.”

“Just a few more minutes.” Daisy replied.

A few seconds later a breeze came through, extinguishing the timid flames on the two candles. From this moment, Faith and Daisy stood up and stopped praying, turning on their heels at the same time towards Audy.

“We’re done.” The first one said.

“The Lord has heard our prayers.” The second added.

“What ? Already ? But you just lit the candles a few minutes ago” Audy replied, confusion in her eyes.

“It is the way it is. It’s probably a good omen” Faith said.

“Wait.. Let me just light the candles again.” The brunette said sheepishly.

As she was going slowly to the shrine, about to light the candles with another one, both of her friends widened their eyes in shock, attempting to stop her.

“DON’T !” Daisy yelled.

“DON’T DO IT, AUDREY ! You’re disrespecting His words !”

The long browned-haired one stopped her movement in the air, the spark just above the candle’s wick reaching it slowly but surely. Then, she looked at Faith and Daisy, an angry and dead gaze in her dark eyes.

“Even if I lit up those candles again, do you think it would change a fucking thing for what happened to our city ? To our families ? To our friends ?” She replied, clenching her teeth together as she spat her words like venom, anger getting the best of her, before she continued.

“No, it wouldn’t. Don’t take that fucking breeze as a sign from your Lord, ‘cause you two know better that, if He wanted to help us, He would have done it already. We are responsible for our own downfall. For our own misery. And no Gods will ever help us. Only the demons that you’re afraid of will answer us because they're close to what we are.”

After that, she saw the shock on her friends' faces, trying to reach out to her and yelling at her that she was irreverent by saying those words. It was the shock before the sound of something falling as fast as lightning just dropped on the ruined church. And then everything exploded. Bricks of the building were thrown away at Daisy and Faith’s head, knocking them out immediately. Audrey got hit as well, feeling her blood flowing from her face before blurring her vision. The last thing she saw was her two friends on the ground, blood running from their heads. Then, it went completely white.

━─━「₪」━─━

Aurey woke up, sweating all over her body as she was panting, trying to gain some air. She put a hand on her forehead, trying to wipe the sweat away and checking it. There wasn’t any blood. She sighed in relief but not too long. She knew it couldn’t be just a dream.

“This wasn’t just a nightmare” She whispered to herself, knowing too well this situation.

She stood up, got her gear on her and packed her stuff together before leaving the spot where she slept. She knew she shouldn’t have slept there. 

It was a small cave of collapsed buildings parted together which were composed of cables, metal pieces of broken engines everywhere. 

It could crumble any minute. But she took the risk anyway, as she felt this one was more safe. She didn’t know how long she slept but she was aware it was late. Once she got out, she covered her nose as she smelled an heavy and toxic smoke. It was the smell of somewhat burned vehicles and trash cans not that far away. It was, probably, another threat from a gang who were arguing again in the city.

She put her customized respirator on, breathing again. Then, she started to climb up the ruins, reaching for a higher spot to get a better view. She climbed a few minutes after finding a window, which gave a great opening view from below. She took her binoculars out of her pocket and started to look around. 

Through it, Aurey saw a usual wildfire in the city, on her right. She could barely hear the sound of gunshots. A lot was happening and she hoped her teammates could handle it while she went patrolling on her own. Suddenly she saw something blinking, in the corner of her left lens. She turned a bit more to her left and saw a black car entering the Nameless City. She had never seen a car like this before. This was the first time that she had witnessed new people arriving. Who could they be ? And why were they coming into this hell hole ? She made a mental note to herself to keep an eye on this vehicle and the people who were in it.

Meanwhile, Noah was lost in his thoughts as they were passing through the barbed wire gate of the city. He was just getting bored of the trip, having no idea why they got a call to come here. His partners and best friends in the car told him it was a well-paid mission, but he wasn’t really convinced by it. They had to do some cleanup as they were told. And given the sight of the city it seemed this town needed it. What was left of the police authorities were just broken cars, with no more tire or windows. They probably run away from all the chaos, just to survive somewhere else. Just being out of this mess. Noah kept staring through the window, his chin in the palm of his tattooed hand, just looking at all the clutter those crumbled buildings had made.

“A real concrete jungle…” He muttered.

Then he heard a howl. He was taken by surprise, not expecting to hear such a sound in this kind of city. He listened again, opening his window just to hear it more clearly. Another howling. It wasn’t human. It sounded more like an animal.

“ What was that ? Did you guys heard that ?” He said, his eyes widened as he couldn’t believe his ears.

"Heard what ?" Folio asked, not really paying too much attention to their surroundings.

"A howl. It sounded like a coyote. Or was it a wolf ?" Noah continued, his ears attentive to any other sound.

But the howling animal had stop. He still had no idea what his friends and him were getting into but he promised himself to investigate this strange city.

[rrtfs-official-blog]

Welcome To The Railroading Tales From Somewhereica Official Blog!

After taking a poll on my other American railroad centric account (@american-railroading) it seems there was some interest in my silly oc project so here we go! Come in and stay a while, I’ve got nothing but time and passion to talk about and show off things from this series! So without further ado…

Welcome to Somewhereica! The 51st state in the USA. It’s a bit odd as a lot of people would describe it as chaotic and sporadic. But the residents are friendly and there’s plenty of train watching so why not stick around? Here we’ll be talking about some of the more behind the scenes and work in progress parts of the series, that being drawing, writing, and just chatting about characters and engines they’re based on! Getting to know the characters is key to getting invested or understanding a series, SO DON’T BE ARAID TO SEND ASKS EVER I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS SERIES!!!

Refer to me as Jak/Jac/Jack, whichever you prefer, doesn’t matter to me! Pronouns also don’t matter much to me! I’m sure if you’re asking about the series I’m sure I’ll know you’re talking to me anyway! I just figured I ought to give y’all a name to go with the blog.

What Is RRTFS Exactly?

The best way to describe it is sorta like Thomas The Tank Engine. The engines are alive and have faces, and depending on the engine, how experienced they are, and all kinds of factors they can run themselves to some extent. BUT, unlike TTTE, this series is not aimed at little kids. With swearing, blood, character deaths, and very descriptive moments, I’ll be covering some of the less fortunate side of railroading and how bad wrecks and accidents could really be. But, I’ll also be writing more silly and nonsensical stories as well as the realistic ones. After all, this series started off silly so might as well stick to those roots even when some of the shorts take a darker turn! So following the engines will be both harrowing and funny! (Hopefully at least, I’m not a professional writer and I’m always willing to take suggestions!

Where Can I Find The Stories?

As of now, I haven’t posted the links. They’re on a Google Doc that I have given access to anyone who has the link (viewer/commenter only, no edits for obvious reasons). That document goes with three others, the informational document which I wrote down character personalities, short ideas, and the general timeline for the series (it is also accessible to anyone who has the link), the spreadsheet which I use just when I need more technical information/need to know fast what engines I’ve added for what railroad (also public), and the super secret document where me and my co-writer (he’s not on Tumblr sadly) actually write up the shorts, which then get copy and pasted to the actual short document (this one is NOT public, only me and him have it). So for now, they’re just stories on a screen (I can and will post the links when/if someone asks, I’m just too nervous too right away). Me and my co-writer, who has Trainz have talked about animating at least some of the shorts at some point in time, which will not happen for a LONG time, as he only has so many models of some of the characters, some aren’t the best quality, some haven’t and likely won’t be made without special commissions, and none have faces. If this ever changes I WILL SAY SO, as he’s going to try and learn how to make his own models so they all match and we can fill in the gaps!

Is There Anywhere Else To Discuss This?

Yes! Technically there is! I have made a discord server for the series! As of now, only me and my co-writer are in it. I will not be posting the link publicly for the time being. I want to try and ease into moderating a server and I don’t want a bunch of people I don’t know entering it right away! BUT, it is open! If anyone wants to join please DM me about wanting the invite link and I shall supply! After getting comfortable talking to you of course, I want to make sure I don’t let anyone with ill intentions into the server, and I don’t want to be nervous in my own server! There’s also asks! Please send asks here! I love talking about the series and a question you have that I find difficult may just lead to more worldbuilding and fleshing things out! So it’s always appreciated!

Am I Allowed To Make Fanart/Fanfics Of The Series?

Absolutely! Just please credit me as the original creator of the characters and any stories/material you use from the series! I’d love to see fanart and read stories you guys come up with! Just try to be respectful with it and don’t do anything too bad with them! I’d rather not have their faces associated with something bad, but still, by all means go right ahead and come up with trauma inducing stories and edgy art or whatever you have in mind for them! Just tag me if it’s art or when you post about posting a story somewhere (AO3, Wattpad, etc) let me know! I’d love to read it! And who knows, I may take inspiration from you and a similar story could become canon! ;)

On a side note, you’re also allowed to suggest thing for the series! Characters, locations, stories, anything! It may not be used, but ideas are always appreciated and it’s always nice to get an outside perspective on things! So don’t be shy to speak up about something you’d like o see used or done at some point! Also don’t be scared to reference actual events that have happened on railways all around the world, as I’m sure I could use some elements of it in a story set in Somewhereica!

If any of the above questions I already answered didn’t answer your question please let me know! I will answer them, although maybe not right away! Please be patient, there’s only one of me and who knows how many of you!

In the meantime, these are the other blogs I run just in case you’d like to check the them out!

@kindashywriter (although my main blog, I’m behind on posting art so be wary of that, might try to catch up soon!)

@american-railroading (my other sideblog I posted the original poll to! Mostly just pictures but there may be rants and videos and what not!)

Have fun! And don’t be shy to talk to me and send asks! Stick around as long as you like! I hope you enjoy this series as much as I’ve enjoyed working on it!

[ghostielj]

Nintendo Direct Thoughts! Part 4 The Best Part

Where do I even start with this? I am going to try my best to sound coherent in this post but just as a warning there may be a lot of screaming like this AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

This isn't in any particular order but it kinda is lol. Save the best for last.

Kirby's Return to Dream Land Deluxe

Okay so I am a horrible Kirby fan, but in my defense I am more of a casual player compared to others. I love me some Kirby, mmmmm. My favorite form is I guess the Link form with his Link hat and master sword just destroying enemies. And man talk about his sucking abilities and blowing too. Can I say that on here?? Eh it is tumblr after all lol. I think I am going to pick this up for sure, maybe not right away because you know I am broke and all but eventually I will. I still need to download the demo...I'll do that right now actually. It's downloading...alright good to go! My understanding is that this is a remake of the Wii game. It's not a remaster because there are additional things added. Overall the graphics look great and Kirby is always a good time so I don't think people will be disappointed.

Metroid Prime Remastered

I really wish I was more into the Metroid series. Alien monsters and space, what more could you want. I still haven’t made my way through Metroid Dread I am ashamed to say. It has been sitting on my shelf just staring at me, judging. Maybe some day, maybe some day. But this looks amazing and it’s been long awaited so I’m happy it’s finally come out and looking forward to seeing what lies ahead for this IP.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

I mean what’s there to say? It’s fucking Zelda!!! My mouth hung open the entire time and it felt like I was in a trance and when the teaser trailer ended I just wanted more. Now Breath of the Wild was incredible. I still remember playing for the first time. I was a little late to game, I bought my first switch two years after it had already come out and the first game I purchased with it was Breath of the Wild. I was so nervous to boot up the game because I had already seen plenty of game play and saw how so many of the enemies could be a little difficult to beat along with learning a whole other control system. Loved every minute of it and I’m sure this will be no different. This game is going to be on a whole other level and I can’t wait. Only a few more months to wait. Now I’ve heard a lot about people not too happy with the price. It’s going to be a $70 game. I am a little surprised it’s that much, but also not surprised at the same time. Like I said earlier “it’s fucking Zelda,” and you and I both know people are going to pay whatever Daddy Nintendo wants. I have yet to pre order it and I know I should soon. But overall this is my most anticipated game of the year, but obviously behind Pokémon. That is if a new game comes out holiday 2023. Maybe a let’s go johto perhaps?

Fantasy Life: The Girl Who Steals Time

I own a new 3DS (Pokémon Edition) and I love that thing to death. The 3DS catalog was fantastic, so many hidden gems. FANTASY LIFE was one of them. So much so I bought that game twice. The first time I bought it was a physical copy from Gamestop. Now I can’t remember if I bought it brand new or used, nonetheless I was able to find it after failing to find it anywhere else. I stumbled upon a random YouTube review video and knew I had to get it. Now how would I describe it? It’s an rpg but so much more than that. This is why I know the gaming company Level-5. It’s this tiny open world fantasy game filled with dragons and knights and magic. You can customize your own character and you chose what life you want to live. Anything from being a chef to being a paladin. You fight monsters and dragons and it’s just fantastic! There is so much to do and the best part is that you can master all 12 of the life paths available to you. So maybe you want to take a break from being a magician well how about trying your hands at being an angler. You can be known as a legend in each path and there is a dlc where you can basically become a god. Now the second time I bought it was me being foolish. I didn’t care for it the first time I played. And I ended up selling it back to GameStop. A few months later I saw another review about it and thought “I’m stupid, I need to really give this a chance.” And from that moment I couldn’t put it down and I completed every life and every task possible. I loved this game so much and when they announced that a fantasy life 2 was coming I was ecstatic. But it was too good to be true. It was going to be a mobile game and only being released in Japan. So almost 10 years later, they’re finally releasing a new game. Now I’m still trying to come to terms with this game being it’s own thing. From the direct trailer it looks a lot different from the original and maybe not being the open world game I was hoping for. I am still going to give it a chance and hopefully it’ll live up to his predecessor. *fingers crossed*

Game Boy and Game Boy Advance NS Online

I cried, I literally cried on my way to work and screamed in the car. So much was leading up to this and I’m so happy it’s finally true. Now I won’t go into each game announced for the launch, but I do want to talk about the games I’m excited for.

So first some honorable mentions

Super Mario Land 2- 6 Golden Coins

So I love its predecessor. Played it over 100 times. This game maybe once or twice, but looking forward to really sinking my teeth into it.

The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

I have played this maybe once but never got too far. I love the remake and if you haven’t already checked it out, you should.

Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare

Never heard of it, but looks interesting. Will have to check it out eventually.

Wario Land 3

This game pissed me off so much as a kid, so enough said.

Kirby’s Dream Land

We love a queen who loves food.

Tetris

The game that started it all for me. I am a Nintendo handheld fan boy through and through. I own the og Game boy, the game boy that my dad gifted me when I was like 6 or 7. And with that game boy came Tetris. I could entertain myself for hours, trying to get that top score. And the music, oh the music. Nothing like it now. I’m looking forward to wasting time away playing this like I’m 6 all over again.

Pokémon Trading Card Game

Yes! Only played it twice and failed hard so I want to give it another go. Too bad we have to wait some time.

The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

I lost my absolute shit when they announced it. This is by far my favorite Zelda game of all time. I don’t know, there’s just something about it. The art style, the vibrant colors, the story and just the overall creativity is AMAZING! I got emotional when I booted it up for the first time and I don't know I may just cry again as I go further along in my journey. I’ve never had the opportunity to own this game in physical form so this will have to do for now. The cartridge alone is going for like $100. But I will get it…grrrr.

So there we go, my thoughts on the last Nintendo Direct. Took 4 separate posts lol. Maybe next time I’ll just comment on the things I liked. Oh well. This was a nice little challenge for me because I’ve never really done anything like this. It feels good. Whether people read this or not, still enjoyable. Feel free to share your thoughts by messaging me.

[ao3soidade]

Hi, I just reached a (small but respectable) follower milestone so I just wanted to tell everyone that I am friendly and I want to talk to you. Please feel free to send me asks or messages, reblog my posts with comments, or whatever level of interaction you’re comfortable with. I am in fandom to have a good time and make friends, and whenever I get a nice response to my fic, or a post about one of my WIPs, or an ask game or anything, it makes me want to post more! I am grateful for the many wonderful comments I’ve gotten on my fics, and I hope people will talk to me on tumblr as well!

[dollyyyhouse]

If you’re comfortable doing this ~ could you make a fic where MC makes it clear that they may have accepted Belphie they haven’t forgotten?

Like family meal after the incident, Belphie is all bitchy that things are awkward between him and brothers saying MC has forgiven him and MC says that while they tolerate him they do not like him.

I need someone to acknowledge MCs pain, especially for MC to acknowledge it.

I think about this so much, like they literally glossed over the fact Belphie killed MC and it makes me so mad 😭 I hope you'll like this! ^^

Edit : I just posted part 2 of this <3

Spoilers for Lesson 16!!!!!

You never once thought you'd end up with a fate like this, fate truely is cruel. Thinking a painful death would never happen to you, you failed to see the fact that it didn't matter who you were or what you did with your life; fate will always have it's way with you one way or another. So when the incident occurred, all you could seem to ask yourself was, "Why?"

Even though it's been almost two weeks since the incident, it still felt as if it was only yesterday. Painfully vivid, you remembered exactly how the Avatar of Sloth murdered you in cold blood, the way his tail crushed your throat; forcing you to choke to death on your own blood and his sadistic laughter. A diabolical act done as a form of revenge even though you had genuinely done nothing wrong. While you understood his pain, he directed it as someone who never even hurt him. You forgave him but you didn't forget, you will never forget what he did to you that day. It has haunted you since the moment it took place and you believe it'll terrorize you until the day you die.

So now, here you are at the dinner table with all of the brothers. Everyone decided that it was a good time for the family to finally have the first dinner together where everyone was present, this meant is was your first dinner with Belphie since the incident. You were understandably nervous, hoping that it wouldn't be as awkward as you we're expecting it to be.

Everything was quiet once all the food was set out, even Beel's chewing seemed quieter than usual. Lucifer cleared his throat, "I hope everyone enjoys the food.." Even after what Lucifer's words not a single human or demon spoke, the tension was very visibly chewing away at all of you. "Oh come on... somebody just say something." The silence was once again broken, much to your surprise Belphie was the one who did it. He looked pissed off, he understood why the tension was present; because of what he had done to you not too long ago. "Uhh well, I was thinking of going to Majolish tomorrow, I need some new clothes because my old ones are starting to get a bit worn out." In an attempt to start a conversation you told the brothers about your plans, which had worked for the most part. When almost all of the brothers began to speak, one was still left out, not saying a word. "MC, you should've told me! That way we can go together!" Asmo happily volunteered himself to be your shopping mate which then caused Mammon and him begin to argue about who should go with you.

You smiled to yourself, enjoying the fact the brother's arguing reminded you of two little kids fighting over something miniscule. Something in the corner of your eye caught your attention, next to Beel was his twin who had an irritated expression on his face. You didn't know if you wanted to point it out, afraid that maybe if you do it might just irritate him even more. You began to fidget with your fingers, you truly did want to get on his good side and become friends with him! But after how he brutally murdered you and only accepted you after it was revealed that you were Lillith's descendant if made you feel as if he still hated you but only tolerated you because you were related to Lillith. "Oi, Belphie, MC! The two of you look so down, what's up?" Mammon pointed out your guy's gloomy expressions, when you heard your name your head shot up and without noticing you casted a glance to Belphegor.

While maybe you didn't seem to notice, everyone else in the room did. "Mmm, don't worry about me! I'm alright, I'm just getting a bit-", "Sad?" The dark blue haired demon cut you off, you looked over to Belphie who looked even more pissed off now. "No, no! Just.. tired, that's all." Your eyes returned back to your food, the room had once again gone silent but only for a brief while, "You heard it from them, they're fine so stop thinking they're upset is because of me. MC and I are friends now, they're okay with everything." Those words felt like a stab to the heart, you had never once told him any of those things and now he was putting words in your mouth.

You let out a quiet sigh, "Uhh.. Belphie, I never said that." With a frown on your face you looked your murderer right in the eyes and for once in awhile finally spoke your mind. "I really don't mean this in a bad way, it's just well, that day you really hurt me both mentally and physically. I still have nightmares about what you did, it's like I can't escape it.", once again the tension was back; this time even worse than before. Belphie scowled, "I thought you forgave me, I apologized." The others in the room stopped everything they were doing to listen in on the conversation, they gave it their full attention in fear that maybe Belphegor would attack you again. "Do you think it's easy to go through something like that?! The only reason you guy's accepted me was because I'm Lillith's descendant, I feel like you only treat me well is because you see me as her!" Due to your heavy frustration you unintentionally yelled, in the moment you were so overwhelmed that you didn't pay attention to it. A few of the brothers assured you that they didn't see you as Lillith, but instead your own person but that didn't ease your pain. "It hurt so much! I couldn't even scream for help, I only wanted to help you and you killed me! I saw my own dead body and almost none of you seemed to care!" Tears rolled down your cheeks, you knew you had the right to upset but it felt as if the brother's didn't think the same. "MC..", Beel looked at you with pity and guilt in his eyes, and so did the rest of the brother's. "We're sorry for not being better to you, we truly did treat you horribly." , you cut off Satan, "Shut up, I don't want your apologies! I just want to see genuine change, I want you guys to treat me kindly!" You sat up from your seat, you were conflicted if you wanted to walk away or continue with the conversation. "I've been treating you well ever since then!" Belphie began to argue back a bit more, his tone of voice changed and he too stood up from his seat. "Yeah because you found out I was Lillith's descendant! You strangled me, crushed my throat, and left me to choke to death on my own blood! I haven't healed from what you did to me, you asshole!"

"MC and Belphie, please calm down!" Lucifer attempted to de-escalate the situation but the two of you only shot him annoyed looks. "I'M mad too! I lost my sister—", "I didn't kill your god damn sister! Don't take your anger out on me, I wasn't even alive when she died!" He looked stunned, he knew it was true and also knew it was pointless to counter what you said. Beel grabbed onto Belphie's sleeve, saying his twin's name and trying to sit Belphegor back down. "All of you are vile! You guys have threatened me, attempted to kill me and even killed me! Don't just ignore what you guy's have done!" With your sleeve you wiped off the snot that was running from your nose, you felt like you were a little kid who had just lost something beloved, and in return wept and wept until you were a tear, snot, and drooling mess. Deep down you knew that the "beloved" you had lost was your trust and humanity. You had practically been revived, while you were still human you no longer felt like one. All of your trust in the brother's was gone, they skipped over the issue and acted like nothing happened.

"MC! I demand you head to your room right away, we'll discuss this tomorrow." In all honesty, you were tired. Tired of arguing and crying, you knew it was time to just give it a break and rest. Maybe once everything was solved you might feel a bit more at home in Devildom, you truly hoped that would be the case.

[ravenbrenna09]

fanfiction writer appreciation: skamverse edition

okay, so, earlier this week, @yaraaimsakul created a gif-maker appreciation for the skamverse fandom and i decided that i wanted to do something similar but for the writers of our little fandom. writing can sometimes take a lot of work out of us but it’s also such a beautiful thing and sometimes, it doesn’t get the recognition that it deserves. so, if you see this and you aren’t tagged, i want you to know that you are an amazing writer OR if you are a reader and aren’t tagged, but would like to spread the love to the writer’s YOU enjoy, do it! DO IT! spread all the love. i know all the writers of all fandoms (not even limited to the skam fandom) would love to hear from those who read their fics. 

also, if you want to tag more than one person. do it! if you want add questions, do it!! 

if you’re a writer:

a fic that you’re really proud of:


it’s really a tie between just friends and jij verliest. i really love both of them and i love how they both turned out—even if it was sometimes a little stressful because of irl events and the deadlines i put on myself. but i love the story about robbe and sander falling in love in another universe(s).

a fic that you were nervous to post:

safe. with unattainable, i felt very comfortable about robbe’s pov and his story but i wasn’t comfortable with sander’s. in addition, i would have probably liked to change his backstory—but it was the one i envisioned when i wrote unattainable so it felt weird to change all of a sudden. but it was probably the one i was most nervous about.

a fic you wished got more hits/kudos/comments:

overall, i will always wish that the curse of betrayal would get more hits. i know that it’s a fic centered on jana but i’ve thrown my heart and my soul into this fic and i love it to death. i love harry potter and i love wtfock so why not combine my two loves (tho i am putting a lot of pressure on myself lol)

one of your favorite tropes to write:

childhood friends to lovers, everyday. i love the trope so much it’s great. i really wish i could write a sobbe fic like that again lol.

another ship that you don’t write but you’d like to write:

omg there’s so many, you(s)mina is definitely one that i’m interested in writing because i just love them so much. the basketball clips the chemistry! it’s just impeccable. and zoënne. like real zoënne not whatever the hell attachment is LOL.

one of your abandoned wip you never wrote but wish you did:

um... my beach au. i love the idea but the plot isn’t tangible to me right now. i think i’m going to potentially write it someday but as of right now, it doesn’t look good. and maybe my royal au but idk if that’s abandoned yet.

another writer you would love to collaborate with:

@sonderthroughthestreets, @carolineworld, and @tsjernobyl <3 oh and @genjasafin ( ;) )

if you’re a reader:

a fic (or more) that you love to reread:

i know i had the questions, but it’s like i completely blanked on every fic that i reread. i really love anything by @aholynight because their way with words is simply amazing and their sobbe fics are to die for. i remember counting down the hours until they would post the chapter on sundays and it was amazing. oh and i’ve been loving @sobbefairytales’s the things you once said to me and i can’t wait to see how it turns out (but no pressure babe).

tag an author you always love reading:

@honeyandsinn cat i’m so behind on reading everyone’s fics but i always love reading yours because it’s always so sweet and beautiful and amazing. keep writing and conquering uni’s ass, you amazing queen. 

recommend a story to your followers:

if you haven’t already go read @tsjernobyl’s fic right this second. here’s the link. okay, i really can’t say anything personal about this fic because i haven’t had the time to actually read it yet because graduation and stuff and negative thoughts but i’m getting on it. but, i’ve been talking to her since she’s started this fic months ago and she’s thrown so much of her heart and soul into this fic and i know for a fact that it is going to shine in her work.

as for non-skamverse recommendations, go read the life of times. it’s a marauders fic and is the whole reason i’m a writer. 

tag an author you discovered recently:

i haven’t been in any ao3 tag in a while so i haven’t been able to catch up on fics so i don’t have an answer for this one :( though once i watch skam france i’m probably going to read @earthlingeliott and @luxandobscurus‘s fics, does that count?

spread the love!

tag someone who inspires you to write:

@peaceoutofthepieces, nat idk how you fucking do your amazing writing months in advance without dropping it but i am so inspired by you to try and do that. you’re fucking amazing and one of my best friends. dottori/croissenne, i miss her love and takes so much. @luludemauryyy, jess, i know you’re not writing skamverse right now but seriously though your motivation and excitement to write your fic is so contagious and amazing, i love you babe.

tag someone who you’ve admired forever:

@aholynight (i’m sorry to tag you twice), @dearrobbe/@dearsander, @sonderthroughthestreets, @luludemauryyy

tag your writing support and loves!

where to start... the aewb server for being the absolute shit and listening to me drown on my writing woes and conflicts. @tsjernobyl, emma, you give me so much support even when i’m struggling and i’m probably so annoying but you’re such an amazing person and thank you for supporting me. @sonderthroughthestreets, @honeyandsinn, thank you both for putting up with my random questions and bursts of inspiration and ideas. @hidden-joy, @sandersyasmina, @sanderxrobbee for helping me when i’m struggling and supporting me even with my hogwarts au and other stories. and everyone who has ever liked/commented on my fics or sent me an ask. you guys have all supported me in more ways than one. 

tagging: 

everyone who has already been tagged in this and @dagcutie, @carolineworld, @lot-bubbel, @luxandobscurus, @earthlingeliott, @mijnlief, @birthdaysentiment, @sander-klaas, and anyone that wants to do it. yes, even you.

[joyandthephantoms]

Bears in Trees lyrics that make me feral about JATP characters, a non-comprehensive list:

For Julie:

You stitch the seams in your cardigan and you call yourself brand new/But reinvention don't work that way, it's death in the chest/And you've been searching so many notes in cursive/And yeah it hasn't worsened, yet solutions feel their furthest (Fresh Concrete)

I'll trap butterflies in heartbeats/Feel their flutter in my veins/I just want to feel beauty on the inside (Cobwebs)

I want to see you bloom into flowers so vivid and vibrant that sunflowers swoon (Great Heights)

But right now, I am wondering if it'll always be this way/Right now, I am wondering if we'll always feel these growing pains/And I am wondering if we'll always wish on lights in the sky/And always keep these crossed hearts and hopes to die (Not Santa Monica)

For Luke:

But it’s raining, it’s pouring/A young man should be snoring/But he’s confused and nervous/Searching for the words while he pretends to sleep (The 411)

I'll wear my bad decisions on my face/Carefully hung around my eyelids (Not Santa Monica)

You can take advantage of me, it's not that hard/I wrote it out in detail, just check your texts (I’m Doing Push Ups)

I'm setting pen to paper again/Lost my sense of home from the words that I've said (Ramblings of a Lunatic)

For Reggie:

I love everybody here, but I am too scared to say it (Great Heights)

Now everyone around me shows me I have a purpose/Of love and be loved, show others they ain’t worthless (Ibuprofen)

There’s a picture of Ben smiling so sweetly/Didn’t know I took a photo, he just looked up to see me (It Gets Better)

For Alex:

She said "If you want forgiveness, then get up off your knees/You′ve got to find it for yourself, stop asking St Anthony" (Nights Like These)

And the ivy is wrapping around my chest/And it’s saying it only wants the best for me (Flower Power! The Leading Cause of Gum Disease)

Hold my hand, but please don’t touch me (I’m Doing Push Ups)

For Willie:

Didn't realise happy wasn't healing (Fresh Concrete)

I’m so emotional, I felt unlovable, but they love me so dearly I must just be wrong (Ibuprofen)

I want to feel chaotic, but calm enough to hold you in the morning (Permanence)

For Flynn:

And I promised your mother we'd take care of you (It Gets Better)

Could you meet me somewhere maybe between outgoing and tragic? (4 AM)

For Bobby:

But I love my friends, they make me feel alive again, or at least they remind me that I’m not even dead (Reverberate)

We've got confessions for years with the names blacked out (Seaside)

'Cause all my friends are dying, some faster than the others/I'm trying to distract myself from the fears that I've discovered (Ramblings of a Lunatic)

I'll sleep on my sofa and you can sleep in my bed/I’ll never feel whole but you're as close as I’ll get (Starting Fires)

And when you choke, I will break your ribs just to make sure you're alright/And when your lungs give in, I will sing your words out of time and out of key/They mean the world to me/Yeah, they mean the world to me/So I'll just keep on singing (Not Santa Monica)

To the tune of every song we sung when we were 17/I’d like to say I’m more poetic now (The Musical)

For Nick:

I like to say I’m tired but I really mean I’m weak (Laugh/Cry)

I don't want you to drown on the guilt of the things that you haven't done (Not Santa Monica)

For Carrie:

I just want you to notice when I’m not around/I want the absence to feel profound (Seaside)

the Sleeping At Last edition of this post is here btw <3

[kuiinncedes]

HI JEANNE I AM SO GLAD UR DOING PROMPTS!!! can i prompt general #24 for quinntina with some kuinn friendship maybe pls???? 🥺🥺💞💗💞💗💞💗💞💗

hi rae thanks for prompting!!! <333

General 24 “I haven’t seen (her/him/them) smile in months.”

this got longggg 2796 ish words 👀 (i edited it after pasting into tumblr tho so idk exactly :P) i think this is the longest thing i’ve posted?? i hope it doesn’t suck <3

(also small mention of homophobic parent(s) (mostly quinn’s mom) and just not great parenting... also blood and death mention warning (but like just in conversation?))

i’m like weirdly nervous about this one sdlhgkjf *screams and hits post*

--

“What’s wrong with Tina?”

Kurt gives Quinn a sideways look, fixing his hair in the mirror on his locker. “Tina Cohen Chang? Why are you asking about her?”

Quinn shrugs, trying to play innocent and nonchalant. “I haven’t seen her smile in months.” Because since the beginning of the year, Tina always smiled at her as she walked into their first class and the only one they share, but now she doesn’t, if she even comes to class on time at all.

Kurt looks at her knowingly and Quinn pushes his arm lightly. “Shut up,” she grumbles. “I’m serious.”

“I’ve noticed it, too,” Kurt says after a moment, following Quinn’s gaze to Tina arriving at her locker. They watch as she hurriedly puts some books in her bag and quickly walks off again, head down and giving a wide berth to everyone she passes. 

“Yeah, and that,” Quinn says, “it’s like she’s… scared or something.” She looks at Kurt whose jaw has tightened. Quinn squeezes his arm lightly and he smiles a little at her. 

“I can ask Mercedes,” he says reluctantly as he shuts his locker and they start walking down the hall. “She’d know more than me, but… yeah, I don’t think she’s even been in glee lately.”

Quinn’s barely paying attention and almost runs into another student before Kurt pulls her out of the way. “You know, it’s a little creepy that you noticed this at all,” he teases, a glimmer in his eye, and Quinn elbows him and follows him into their next class.

-

Mercedes doesn’t give them any new information, and then Quinn -- Quinn wants to forget about it, but she can’t. She keeps stealing glances at Tina in the halls, during class, at lunch. She knows Kurt’s right, that it is a little creepy, but… 

They’ve been around each other’s circles since the beginning of high school, and a friendly wave from Tina one morning was the only thing keeping Quinn feeling normal when the least normal thing possible had happened to her the night before. She didn’t have Kurt yet, she barely had any friends because of her work to uphold her status as the ice-cold head Cheerio. Tina was kind to her when she was spiraling after her world had turned upside down and no one was around to support her, to turn it back around. 

So she just wants to know if Tina’s okay. Because of that. No other reason.

-

Quinn gets her chance a week later. 

She doesn’t expect to see Tina today -- she isn’t in English and hadn’t been for a few days. Quinn tries to ignore her growing concern; after all, she still doesn’t actually know anything about Tina’s life.

When Mrs. Harrison splits them off into groups of two for a new project, Quinn is last to pick her partner and everyone else has already paired off.

“Tina’s absent today, I’ll work with her,” Quinn says airily, playing with the end of her ponytail and tapping her pencil on the desk. She acts like she doesn’t care (why would Quinn Fabray have any reaction to getting paired with a relative social nobody for a project?) but part of her is… looking forward to it. Not only because of her persisting concern about what’s going on with Tina, but also because she does genuinely want to spend time with her. So maybe this is her chance.

She tells Kurt about it at his locker between classes and he rolls his eyes and smiles fondly at her. 

It’s the end of the day when Quinn realizes she doesn’t actually have Tina’s number to contact her; it’s too late to ask Kurt or Cedes, she stayed after school to retake a math test and she’s the only one here, as far as she knows.

Except she’s not. There’s another car in the student lot. Quinn glances at it and stops when she realizes someone is sitting in the driver’s seat -- Tina. Before she can talk herself out of it, Quinn walks over and taps on her window. 

Maybe she should’ve talked herself out of it, she thinks as Tina jumps and seems to steel herself before rolling down her window. Quinn smiles a little, apologetically. A wave of warm air comes from inside the car, like Tina’s been blasting the heat even in the relatively warm spring weather.

“Um, hey,” Quinn says awkwardly. “So… you weren’t in English today, but we’re doing a project and you and I are partners.” Her voice goes up at the end as if it’s a question. She’s really doubting this now. Tina looks like she’s sick and she’s gripping the steering wheel and not meeting Quinn’s eyes. “Or…” Quinn clears her throat slightly, putting her head Cheerio, most popular girl in school mask back on. “It’s fine if you don’t. Just tell Mrs. Harrison. I’ll do it myself.”

“No,” Tina says, looking up at her finally, and Quinn thinks there’s something different about her eye color. Her smile is tight and forced. “Sounds good.”

Quinn raises an eyebrow. “You sure? Doesn’t sound like it sounds good.”

Tina clenches her jaw. “Yeah, it’s good, sorry, I’m just tired,” she says in one breath. “Here, I’ll, um -- ” She fumbles with her phone and offers it to Quinn. “Put your number in, I’ll text you.”

Quinn’s fingers brush Tina’s when she takes the phone and she almost jumps at how cold her skin is, despite the warmth emanating from the car. Even Kurt, who runs cold, isn’t nearly this cold to Quinn’s own unnaturally warm body temperature…. Her concern grows and she watches Tina for another moment, who’s closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat. 

“Are you… okay?” Quinn asks hesitantly.

“I’m fine.” 

“Forgive me for saying this? But you… don’t look fine.”

Tina gives her a sideways look. “Yeah, well.” She closes her eyes again.

Quinn enters her number but doesn’t give Tina’s phone back when she’s done. “Hey, seriously, I -- what’s wrong?”

Tina just exhales defeatedly. “I can’t tell you.” 

“Try me.”

She shakes her head.

“Your skin is fucking freezing, you have the heat on high in the car in almost 70-degree weather, you look different and not in a good way. I know -- I know we don’t talk much, Tina, but please, let me help you.” Quinn even surprises herself with the last part. It’s far from the hard facade she hides behind at school in her Cheerios uniform, even though she’s still wearing that right now. 

Tina stays still and silent and Quinn fidgets with her phone. 

“I really don’t know what to do here,” Tina says softly, opening her eyes, glancing at Quinn again then back away. “I literally… have no. Fucking. Clue.” It sounds like she’s talking to herself more than anything and Quinn isn’t sure how to respond.

“Well, I… whatever I can do -- ”

“Have you ever had something… absolutely, absolutely insane happen to you? Like… you would never believe it yourself but it happened to you and you have to fucking deal with it so you have to believe it.” Tina’s breaths come more quickly as she continues, her fists curling tighter around the steering wheel. “And I don’t know how to fucking deal with it, but I fucking have to because -- because I have to and I’m this thing now -- ”

“Hey, Tina, hey, breathe,” Quinn says hurriedly, trying to put a hand on her shoulder but the angle from outside the car window is awkward and she doesn’t know if it would be appreciated. Her mind spins with those words -- you have to believe it, I’m this thing now -- and it’s scarily similar to Quinn’s own thoughts when she first… turned, over three years ago.

But Tina can’t be a werewolf too, her skin… Quinn thinks. Thankfully Tina’s breathing has mostly gone back to normal and she just looks exhausted again, her forehead resting on the steering wheel and hands loose in her lap now. What the fuck. What the fuck am I about to do.

Despite all her instincts and rationale screaming at her not to do it, Quinn says shakily, “I think I get it,” and when Tina turns to look at her, she inhales and says in a whisper, so quiet she’s not sure if Tina can hear, “I’m a werewolf.”

Tina stares and Quinn starts thinking and thinking about how she can take it back, it was a joke, there’s obviously no such thing as werewolves, what the fuck was she saying, what was she thinking revealing this to a near stranger --

“I think… I think I’m technically a vampire.” 

Oh. Quinn stares back at her.

Some of the tension seems to have gone out of Tina’s body. There’s another silence. “Can I trust you?” Tina asks quietly.

“What -- ? I mean, yeah…” Quinn swallows. “Yes, you can. Of course. I think if there’s one person you could trust with this, it’s me.” 

Please trust me.

“Thank you,” Tina whispers, like she just has no energy to speak louder. “I just can’t think right now, I think I need… like, fucking blood, probably, I don’t know…” She looks down at her hands hopelessly. “I think I might be dying.” She laughs humorlessly. “Again, I guess.”

Quinn thinks for a moment, taking in the almost metallic pallor of Tina’s skin and the difference in her irises that she noticed earlier. “How long have you… been a vampire?” 

Is this the answer to what she’s been wondering about?

“A few months, I guess.” (There it is… Quinn wonders if anyone might have noticed something different in her for the months after her first night as a wolf.) “There was another vampire -- nicer than the one who bit me -- ” her voice goes hard and tight on bit -- “who gave me some blood for a while. But I don’t know where they are now. They said they never stayed in one place for a long time. So I guess I’m starving to death. I don’t know.”

“Can’t you, like, get blood… somewhere?”

“I can barely stand talking to you right now, to be honest,” Tina says. “I don’t think I could go near other people right now.”

Right. Quinn curses her complete lack of knowledge on vampires besides that from popular media, which probably doesn’t apply very well to this situation. This feels absolutely ridiculous, though she’s been through weirder herself… still. Her first full moon was a disaster and she doesn’t know how to deal with this either. But… 

“I might be able to help,” she says, standing up straighter and finally handing Tina’s phone back to her. Tina pauses before taking it, as if she forgot about it; Quinn has, too, for the most part. The project is definitely not a priority now. “I know absolutely nothing about vampires,” Quinn continues, “but I have my own needs as a werewolf. I know a place -- it’s where I hunt. Animals.”

Tina seems to wince at the words. Quinn vaguely remembers hearing about how Tina doesn’t eat meat, for the most part. She could probably avoid thinking about it when someone else was getting her blood, but this will be direct. This will be a change.

Quinn presses on. “You need blood. Everything in history about vampires says that -- they can’t all be wrong. Please let me help you.”

“Okay,” Tina says weakly, nodding a little. “Give me the address, or whatever -- ”

“I’m driving you. In this car. And staying with you.” Quinn doesn’t back down as Tina’s eyes snap to hers, and her mouth opens to protest. “Seriously. I’m helping you with this. And you’ll crash the car if you drive yourself.”

Her head falls back against the headrest. “You’re lucky I’m exhausted and dying, Fabray,” she grumbles. She gets out and goes around the front of the car into the passenger seat, and Quinn slides into the driver’s seat, putting her bag in the back. She instinctively reaches to turn down the heat, but remembers Tina’s freezing skin.

“You can turn it down,” Tina says. “I don’t even feel cold. I just wanted my skin to feel normal to other people, which clearly wasn’t working.” Quinn gives her a glance to make sure, but Tina is just leaned against the window, body slumped and tired. 

She turns it down just a little.

Then remembering something else Tina said earlier, Quinn asks warily, “Are you okay with me in the car right now? I know you said earlier you could barely stand it…”

Tina shrugs. “I mean, I have to be, don’t I?” Quinn doesn’t answer, and Tina looks over at her and chuckles a little. “Don’t worry, Fabray, I won’t kill you and drain your blood. Although it does sound… appetizing right now.”

“Haven’t you read Twilight? My blood tastes awful to vampires,” Quinn jokes, trying to lighten the mood as she pulls the car out of the school parking lot. 

“Is that really a thing?”

Quinn laughs lightly. “I think so, I don’t know. But that is something I’m thinking about when it comes to vampires, so I must’ve heard it somewhere.”

Tina hums. “I never read or watched Twilight. My parents wouldn’t let me; my mom said she thought Kristen Stewart seemed like a bitch.” She lets out a short laugh. “The irony.”

“Do your parents know?”

“No. Yours?”

“No.” It’s honestly too easy for Quinn to hide it from her mom and her mom’s boyfriend. They’re never home and when they are, they leave Quinn alone, which is fine by her, especially on full moons or random weird days when she needs to leave. She does whatever the fuck she wants; they don’t question it. She supposes there are worse ways to live, especially while being a werewolf.

“How am I supposed to tell them?” Tina asks, looking out the window. “I thought I’d have to worry about telling them I thought Kristen Stewart was hot, not that I had basically become her -- or, her character.”

“Well, you could lead with the first thing? Maybe that’ll make it a little easier to accept. Or you could lead with the second, and while they’re freaking out about that, just drop in that you like girls.”

“Ha ha.”

“It’s good advice, I just might follow it myself,” Quinn jokes.

“…You like girls?” Tina asks. “Or -- you don’t have to answer that, sorry -- ”

Quinn glances at her. “Yeah.” 

“Cool. Let me know how it goes, if you do follow that advice,” Tina teases lightly.

Quinn laughs harshly at the mere thought of coming out to her mom. She might’ve been able to come around about her teenage pregnancy, but Quinn doesn’t miss the tone her voice takes on when she asks about Kurt or when Quinn mentions him, when Quinn’s watching something on TV or reading a book, when she sees something in the news. 

“Well I’m not coming out anytime soon.”

“That’s fine,” Tina says, her voice soft and tired but sincere. 

“Kurt’s the only other person who knows, though, so… yeah, you know… trust thing.”

“Of course. Thanks for telling me.”

And Quinn does trust Tina, with this, with the werewolf thing… she’s wondering how Tina managed to win her trust so quickly... and friendship.

Hopefully, Tina trusts her enough for what they’re about to do.

“We’re here,” Quinn says, pulling into a dirt area surrounded by woods. She puts the car in park and hears Tina take a deep breath. She looks nervous and Quinn doesn’t need to imagine to have an idea of what’s going through her head right now. She takes one of her freezing hands in her own, holds it between them. “Tina. I’ll be here for you, okay? I’ll help you. Are you ready?”

“Absolutely not. Do you know anything about vampires hunting?”

“Is it so different from turning into a wolf and hunting?” Quinn jokes, then asks seriously, “Do you need a minute?”

“No.” Tina removes her hand to open the door and Quinn misses the contact, the… warmth, even from her cold skin. 

When she gets out of the car and comes up next to her, Tina shoots her a grateful smile -- small, but genuine. Something Quinn hasn’t seen in months. She’s missed it. 

(Shit, Kurt was right, she thinks, and if this is any indication, she won’t ever get tired of that smile.)

“Thank you, Quinn, for helping me with this.”

“Of course.”

Quinn’s hand suddenly finds itself in Tina’s again, and she can feel Tina’s hand shaking a little. Quinn gives her a small, reassuring squeeze. “Let’s go.”

***

small notes for after bc i didn’t want to “spoil” this before lol !!

this is in the werewolf!quinn / vampire!tina au i’ve written in before :) if u wanna check that out hehe here’s my fic tag :P 

this and this are the two that are most connected to this one tho if u want to read :3 especially the second one -- i think that’s kind of a continuation of this fic, or like the next scene i guess

no one really cares but i started out with this prompt thinking about a more canon s1 au where it was tina saying the prompt about quinn during her pregnancy but idk somehow it turned into this instead slfdkjkd

i really didn’t have many notes lmao that’s it thanks for reading if u did <3

[hoeassproductions]

Break A Leg: Chapter 11

Masterlist

***Author’s Note: Hey everyone, I am so sorry that you’ve waiting this long for this story to finish out. I happened to come on here after I haven’t been on Tumblr for almost two years. I honestly thought I had posted the last chapter but realized it’s been sitting in my drafts this whole time! How freaking lame!! Anyways, this got an updated edit and without further ado, the last chapter to Break A Leg! I hope you like it!***

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not own, possess, or have any links to Chris Evans, nor do I profit off of this work. Any claims otherwise are grossly misleading. This work is not to be posted anywhere else without my explicit permission.

If you would like to be added to any future tag list, reply here or send me an ask. I’d be happy to add you! Happy reading!

Word Count: ~2,500

The Beginning

“Sooooo. . .you've been talking to your mom about me?”

Chris begins to turn crimson as he tries to explain away anything Lisa may have overshared.

“Oh god, what did she say? I only told her the good stuff, I promise. I will talk to her about being nosy. She’s a sweet woman. I love her to death and tell her everything.” he says with a shrug of his shoulder.

“I could tell that, yeah.” I say, not being able to hide the smile that beams from my face in listening to him talk about his mom.

“You have no idea.” He chuckles, and I can visibly see the tension leave his body as he realizes I'm not mad.

"Don't worry Evans, I think it's sweet and I don't mind. Just a little taken aback I guess. I don't know, she seemed really excited to meet me. I want to meet her too, don't get me wrong! It's just…" I take a small breathe as I meet Chris eyes as he waits for me to find the words. "… Is she that excited to meet all of your friends?"

"Well, I mean. C'mon Y/N, you're not just anybody! You're…you're you."

Before I can push him further on what he means, he presses on.

"Y/N, about in the hallway before Sandra came out…"

"Yeah… I think that maybe we should talk…" Now its my turn to be nervous as it's not clear where he's taking this.

In the middle of Chris beginning to speak, my phone goes off. We both laugh uncomfortably, the nerves of the new subject getting more frazzled at the second interruption since being alone. Saved by the bell again!

I pull my phone out of my back pocket and I see that it's ringing for a reminder with my date with Jessie. My face drops. How could I forget about… Shit!

When Chris sees the change in expression, he can tell there's a problem. "What's wrong?"

"It's um…it's a reminder. I have to go, I'm sorry." I get up and walk away back to my cabin with conviction in my step. To my surprise, Chris doesn't follow me, but the separation is good. I need time to think.

How the hell did I not remember I told Jessie we could go on a date tonight? It completely slipped my mind. If I never set my alarm, I would not have even batted an eye staying at the dock longer with Chris. Confusion continues running through my mind as I check the clock on my phone again as I reach my porch. Had it already gotten that late? We couldn't have been out there that long already could we? And I rush back here to go on a date?!

I can only think of one thing do at a time like this. With a little under an hour before Jessie shows, I dial Hannah's number. On the second ring, She picks up.

"Hey love, love!"

"Oh Hannah, thank god. I need to talk to you, and I don’t have too much time." I explain to her everything that's happened since I got here and the current predicament. She's listens patiently, and understands my dilemma.

"Hannah, what do I do? With Jessie, and all the old feelings… It's just so easy to fall back into it but Chris…he's something else entirely. I can't get him out of my head or heart. I see small glimmers here and there that maybe he fees the same but I don't know what he wants. It's a risk to lay it all out there not knowing. What do I do? Jessie will be here any minute and I'm so confused."    

Hannah is quiet while she thinks everything over for a few moments.

"Y/N, your heart knows what you want. I know it's scary, but that's why you should go for it. Lean into the fear and trust that it would work out. Given everything you've told me, I would be hard pressed to think Chris doesn't have feelings for you. You know what you need to do. I know you gotta get ready or whatever, but I love you. Call me later if you need to talk, okay?"

"Ugh, okay. I hate it when you're right sometimes. I love you, too. We'll talk soon."

Thinking to myself as I get ready with 8pm quickly approaching, I'm finding butterflies beginning in my stomach. The nervousness of what's ahead sinking in more. Before long, I hear a knock on my door, and open it to see Jessie standing there with a bouquet of wildflowers. I welcome him in while I place them in a vase with some water.

"You look great Y/N! I have some fun stuff planned for tonight…" he trails off as he realizes something is off as I don't make eye contact with him or say anything. "Y/N, is everything ok?"

I take a deep breathe as I sit him down next to me.

'Jessie, look. Given our history, I think that it's very important that I be as open and honest with you as I can right now. All day, I've been completely distracted… and you weren't on my mind even once. I forgot about our date until my alarm went off to remind me to get ready. And then, once that happened I began to get butterflies and so nervous, but - " Before I could finish, Jessie speaks up.

“Listen, I know we've never gotten the timing right with this, but I can’t help but feel like fate has brought us together this time. Like….things have finally matched up and we can, I don’t know, give us a try? Before you say anything, can we agree to take some time this week to feel each other out. No expectations, just getting to know each other better again. It’s been awhile, and I know some things must have changed….I know they have for me.”

Giving thought to his words, my mind can’t help but wander to Chris.

Chris said it himself. TWICE. You guys are just friends. What if I go for it and he still feels that way? But Hannah was right, there is something there…something that feels beyond what I can even put into words. The almost kiss, the comfortability on the dock, him being so trusting and open with me? Why not lean in to it? And this, with Jessie? This is just…..safe. Hannah said I need to lean into the fear if that's what my heart wants…

Gathering my resolve, I think to myself for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell to say. Looking at Jessie, I can feel the right choice planting itself even further in my heart as my nerves continue to grow until the words reach my lips.

“You know what? Under normal circumstances, I would probably say yes to that but…I don't feel like I can right now. I did get butterflies before you came because I know what my heart wants. Falling back into this would be easy and low-maintenance…safe. But I don't want that, I want fireworks and passion. I want to feel electricity from a knowing stare across the room or my heart pounding from an almost kiss. I-I just…we don't have that chemistry anymore, Jessie. I have it with someone else, and I don't know what's going to happen but I know I have to at least try, or I'd never forgive myself. I'm sorry. You're a great guy and you deserve to find someone who feels this way about you, but that's not me anymore. It just wouldn't be fair to you if my heart isn't in it. I hope you understand.”

After some time of silence, the tension releases from my shoulders, and I can see him process my words.

"I guess that settles it then, Y/N. I appreciate your honesty, and to be honest, I could see the chemistry between you and Chris as soon as you guys arrived. I always told myself that if I ever saw you again, that I would try again but I understand now that I just got wrapped up in the past and I'm sorry for that."

At the mention of Chris, my eyes shoot up to meet Jessie's. "But I didn't say who it was..."

"You didn't have to. It's obvious and there's been a lot of talk since you guys got here. I shouldn't have even tried to get you back, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity for us to actually have a shot at what we kept failing at for years. Listen, he's a great guy, and if he's the one for you, I'm happy for you. Truly. You could do worse than him. Just be careful. His lifestyle and career… it's no joke."

We both fall silent for a moment at him verbalizing something I hadn't even considered yet, the fame that Chris has to bear. Where would that leave me if this goes any further?

Seeing the gears turning in my head, Jessie interrupts my thoughts thrown into overdrive. "Have you talked to him about your feelings yet?"

"No, I've been trying to deny them for many reasons…I don't know what he wants. He says we're friends, but I feel like there's more there. I know I want more, but it's scary to approach it without knowing."

"Only one way to find out kid. Follow your heart, and your gut. He'd be crazy not to go for it with you. You're a catch, Y/N."

I walk him to the door, and give him a hug on the porch.

"Thanks Jessie, and thank you for being so understanding"

Pulling away, I see that Chris has walked back, and is just getting to his porch. He waits until Jessie leaves to say anything.

"That's what all the rush was about? Him?" I can hear slight frustration in his voice as he says this to me while crossing the distance to his door. Is Chris…jealous?

"I-I, Yes it was, but I made it very clear to him that it wasn't going to work. My heart isn't in it…it's with someone else."

At hearing this, Chris comes to a halt, key at the ready.

"I had to be honest with him. I Couldn't…not when…" my words trail off as Chris' eyes meet mine and I can feel all of the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"Not when what, Y/N?" he says, walking towards me on his porch, and I can see uncertainty dance in his expression.

I feel my anxiety and fear build up inside of me. Tears begin to well in my eyes and I know what I need to say but getting the words to come out is proving difficult.

I take in a shaky breath to gather myself. Y/N, you can do this. Tell him you're worth it. That you both deserve to give this a real shot.

My pulse quickens as my breathing begins to saw in and out of me, but I hold my ground "Not when...my heart is with you. I want you."

I look at Chris and in a matter of seconds, I see confusion and frustration fade from his face to be replaced by the biggest smile I have seen of his to date.

In seeing the change in his demeanor at my admission, the tears begin to spill over, clouding my eyes to point of blurring my vision so when I begin to feel steps on my porch, I was a little startled.

I wipe my eyes and see Chris standing before me. He reaches for me and pulls me into his arms with no words, knowing that I need a minute to compose myself.

I take in a deep breath, his scent settling around me, and I feel myself starting to relax.

"Chris, I'm.....let me explain....I-"

"No Y/N, it's okay. I'm just happy you're less of a chicken shit than I am."

I feel his laughter vibrate our bodies as he lifts his head, and pulls back to see my confused expression.

"Wait-"

"I feel the same way, and clearly you're scared but Y/N, you're one of the most kind and caring people I have ever met. I would be crazy to NOT to be interested in you! Ever since I dumped my coffee all over you and you threw your panties at me, I knew I had to keep you around by any means necessary." I slap his chest as we recall the haphazard way we met a couple months ago.

"Hey, HEY…" he says, as he shields himself from any more of my attack and we continue to chuckle. "What I'm trying to say is that you're amazing and I have feelings for you too. I don't know when it happened but you burrowed your way into my heart and I…I love having you there "

Listening to this, I am overjoyed. I grab Chris and I pull him in close, resting our foreheads together.

"Oh Chris, that makes me so happy to hear. I was so scared that I would ruin this if I said something and you didn't feel the same way but I couldn't ignore it anymore. You're in my heart too, and there's so much we need to talk about and discuss… a lot to figure out but I want to face all of that with you."

"I know Y/N. I know being with me has it's own challenges that a normal relationship doesn’t have to endure but I will do everything in my power to protect you while giving you the world because you deserve it…WE deserve it. You feel that too, right?"

"Yes, I do. I really do. There's a lot a stake when you lead with your heart."

"There always is but you're worth it, what we will build together will be worth it." He holds me to his chest again as I begin to full out cry, the emotions of it all overtaking me. After a few moments, I can feel his tears beginning to mingle with mine, and the realization hits me that this is real. This is my life and he's not going anywhere.

After we both compose ourselves and have calmed down, I embolden myself and look up into his eyes. "I guess there's only one thing to worry about right now then…to finish this."

The question forming behind his eyes before it reaches his lips, "Finish what?"

"The beginning of us."

Recognition falls over Chris face as I pull him in so our lips to finally meet for the first time, and I can feel in my soul; this is the moment I realize he's the only one that could capture my heart.

As we share our first kiss, I feel the world settle around me. This feels right, here in each other's arms without a care in sight. There's no place I'd rather be and to think it all started with a chance encounter.

                                                     ~The End~

Previous 

A/N: Again, so sorry I’m an ass and have kept this ending in my drafts. If you see this and have followed this story this entire time, thank you sooo much! Appreciate all of your likes, reblogs, and words of encouragement to make my first full fic a great experience! Writing is hard and scary, but I really enjoy it and am excited to get back to it! I have some fresh ideas that may just make it on here, so stay tuned!

Tags: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan  @avenger-nerd-mom @mycapt-ohcapt-writes @mad-for-marvel @vanillabeanlattes @captain-ariel-barnes @emilyevanston @thewife101cevans @loricameback  @plussizeappreciationfics @a-tale-of-two-comics  @melodramaticfanatic @writingcreatingstorytelling  @mywritingsblog @disney-fire-fox @harrinoodles  @lookwhatyoumademequeue @janeyboo @aglarelen @purelyfictionallife  @cevansgirl @mrs-captain-evans @randomcevans  @nomadicpixel @elivanah-writes @katiew1973 @tchitchou26@mackevanstanfan80 @unicornpurplelife

[not-safe-for-bts]

Terms and Conditions of Friendship {JHS} [2]

Part 2 of a looooonggg one-shot, please read the first part here! Also sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors I’m posting before editing today!

Warnings: swearing (it’s me), fuckboy!BTS, sexual tension with like all of the members, a road trip with 7 rowdy men, slight exhibitionism, teensy bit of masturbation, Dom!Hoseok, a very needy, bratty sub!Reader, spanking, oral (m/f receiving), daddy kink (again, it’s me, cmon), overstimulation, squirting, thigh riding, normal(?) riding, unprotected (wrap it up, kids!), just filth

Summary: 13 has always been an unlucky number. Always. It’s just... written into the laws of nature at this point. So it’s no surprise that when you hit the 13th month of your - ahem - dry spell, you do the one thing you swore you’d never do.

Masterlist

~^*^~

“Where did this come from?” You inquire, gesturing to the car. Hoseok has to applaud you. You’re playing your innocent part very well indeed, considering he’s caught you masturbating twice in two days. There’s that sheen in your eyes, a cloud threatening to thunder over your entire face but you’ve kept your composure. He’s actually kind of proud.

“Oh, this thing?” Hoseok snaps the bonnet down and turns to face you. He wipes away the grease on his fingers with a towel, making sure to flex and he suppresses a smirk when you very obviously almost drool at the sight of his arms.

“Mhm.”

“Well, she’s been here for like two years now. Runs so fucking smoothly. I don’t take her to campus because it’s a pretty decent car and someone in the city would definitely highjack it given the chance.”

“I see. So you leave it here?”

“Guess so. I was actually about to give her a spin. Do you wanna come?” He’s looking down at you, his brown locks falling into his face as he does so. There’s a smile plastered on his face. The one that makes his rosy lips so wide and kissable, and his cheekbones become like 100x more noticeable. His eyes are sparkling with the excitement and how can you say no to such a beautiful face?

Okay. Maybe you should have said no. Turns out that this death trap has a horsepower of over 300 and Hoseok likes to go fast. Really fast. He’s a baby when it comes to rollercoasters. He hates them. He also hates things like boats and he gets a little nervous flying. But driving the deathmobile round right bends at 120- 120MPH?! - is not an issue for him?! Oh dear god you’re going to die horny as fuck and with Hoseok next to you and it’s going to be the most pathetic thing.

“Let’s see how fast we can go here!” It’s a straight road. It’s already hot today because you can see the ripples coming from the ground up made entirely of heat. Hoseok pushes harder on the accelerator and you are praying to every single god to please not die like this. Then you look over at Hoseok and everything just stops. His face is plastered in this big goofy smile. You’ve never seen him so ecstatic in your life. He’s gripping onto the steering wheel to the point his knuckles are turning white and you kind of think that he is a little scared of going this fast. Is he doing this to impress you? You mentally scoff. His arms are flexing with every tug at the wheel and he’s laughing so hard that his eyes are closing and you aren’t sure if he can even see the road. But... your heart falters and just looking at this bubbly, smiley, bundle of absolute happiness is enough for you to feel the adrenaline. Suddenly you’re not so scared because it’s Hoseok and he’s told you a million times that he won’t let anything hurt you. You suspect he had a hand in Jackson’s mysterious fall down two flights of stairs but he never really brought it up after uttering “well he did deserve it”.

You’re laughing now and so is Hosoek and you’re doing 145mph and Jesus Christ this is the most fun you’ve ever had in your life!

You and Hoseok drive around for a couple of hours after this and he slows down a lot. You’re still doing like 70 in 50 areas but it’s not nearly as fast as that straight where you were momentarily convinced that you were going to die. You chat with Hoseok, and he starts asking you about your grandmother.

Despite knowing him closely for so long, this topic never really came up until now. You find yourself pulling at the hem of your play suit (which only reaches your mid-thigh anyway) and unable to look at him.

“Hey,” he takes a hand from the wheel to pull your chin up gently and look at him, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.” He released you and the butterflies are bursting in your guts. Can they fuck off already?

“No, no...” you shake your head, “I just don’t tell a lot of people about this aspect of my life... about my parents and stuff.”

“I see..” he hums but he doesn’t press you. Part of you wants to tell him. You don’t know why. But it does so you kind of do.

“I never got along with my mother.” You suddenly pipe up, looking straight ahead. You can’t bear to look at Hoseok right now, “it wasn’t like she ever physically abused me or anything but... I never bonded with her. At all. We never got on. Even when I was small she was kind of vicious towards me and as I grew closer with my dad, the worse she got. But she was always afraid of my grandmother. So I stuck by my grandma... she’s basically taken over as a mother figure in my life since I haven’t spoken to my actual mother since I left to study... she’s done everything for me my whole life, acting as though she was my real mother... even if she isn’t, she’s my whole world I guess...” you’re trailing off and you feel so stupid for opening up to Hoseok.

But Hoseok is driving real slow because he’s paying absolutely no attention to the road right now. He’s looking at you as you screw you hands into fists and look down. You’re blinking and he knows you’re fighting back the tears. He didn’t know... No one would have ever known you had such a detrimental flaw in your upbringing. Despite the shit you’ve clearly been out through by your own mother, you’re still so happy and cheerful, you still lend a hand and act so nicely towards everyone. Hoseok is in shock, he has to admit it.

There’s a sudden urge within him and he kind of wants to kiss you. Maybe it will make you feel a little better. But that’s kind of weird, so he looks straight ahead, too and drives back to the summerhouse in silence.

The whoops of the maknaes fill the air as they all jump into the cool water. Namjoon is sitting at the edge of the water, with his feet dangling in and a book in his hands he’s threatened the boys to leave him alone and he’s been so kind as to sit away from where the three youngest frat members are playing. Yoongi is sitting under a tree, watching the commotion with his head lolling. He’s clearly halfway to sleep. Seokjin is thundering out of the house with a flamingo rubber ring, fluorescent yellow arm bands and blue swimming goggles. He’s charging down the grass and he cries out for the maknaes to move. Taehyung isn’t quite as quick as the other parts of the trio and Seokjin crashes into him. You wince at the sound. You’re sitting on the bench a little way from the water. As nice as it looks, you’re kind of not in the mood to play anymore. Hoseok hasn’t spoken to you since your confession in the car and you’re worried you’ve scared him away.

You listen to the splashes and screams of the members but you’re looking down at the dirt. Some ants are bustling around your feet and there’s a ladybug chilling out on a blade of grass not too far away. The whole bench shifts suddenly and you look up. There’s a glass of lemonade sitting in front of you on the peeling wooden table, which is gaining condensation fast. There’s another one on the other side of the table and Hoseok is sitting opposite you.

“Hi...” he trails off. He feels bad for suddenly clamming up but he gets a little awkward sometimes. He looks at your face and it’s unreadable. In fact, this is the first time he’s not seen that little glint of heat in your eyes. Fuck. This is his fault.

“...hey...” you mumble, “thanks,” you motion to the glass in front of you.

“Look,” he begins and then clears his throat. God it’s hot out here, “about earlier, I’m sorry-“

“Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have said anything-“

“No, I’m the one who asked in the first place. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable and now I’ve been an ass and upset you. I’m sorry.” Jesus Hoseok is looking at you in such a way that makes you want to burst into tears. How do you feel guilty right now?

“Seriously, Hoseok, forget it.” You wave him off.

“I’d like to meet her.” He suddenly muses.

“Huh?”

“Your grandma. I gotta thank her for raising such a wonderful person.” There it is again. That genuine smile. Your heart falters yet again.

“Oh...” you whisper softly and a blush blossoms across your cheeks.

~^*^~

“jUNGKOOK-!” Your voice is high pitched and cut off within an instant as your body is flung into cold water. You surface, spluttering for a moment before your eyes lock and a fiery gaze is set on the maknae.

“Swim, Jungkook, Swim!” Jimin calls and Jungkook knows he fucked up. You catch up to Jungkook in almost no time and you’re forcing him under the water until his head squeezes between your legs. You freeze up at the sensation and suddenly you’re being pushed up from below. Jungkook throws you up using his arms and your legs untangle from his neck. You land in the water again and when you surface, your laughing. Jungkook is smirking at you.

“Damn, [First], I didn’t know you were gonna try and suffocate me with your thighs.” You flush.

“Jeez, [First],” Jimin chimes, “wouldn’t you prefer to do that to someone-Oof!” You elbow Jimin hard in the stomach and he doubles over in the water.

“Oh my god who?!” Jin is paddling over, still wearing the rubber ring. He’s discarded the goggles and armbands.

“Jimin!” You whine, “you’re such a loudmouth!”

“Okay but who do you really want to suffocate with your thighs? Is it me because you can totally do that.” Jin waggles his eyebrows and you immediately splash him.

“It’s kind of obvious who.” Namjoon chirps, turning the page on his book.

“Who?” Jungkook, Taehyung and June chorus.

“Hos-“

He can’t finish his word because he’s tugged down. The poor book goes flying and luckily lands on the grass but Namjoon is pulled right under the water. The other three burst into laughter and even Yoongi is letting out a chuckle under his tree.

But the damage is done. The boys now know that you have a thing for Hoseok and you don’t know how you’re going to recover. You and Namjoon wrestle under the water for a moment before he finally wind and his arms are wrapped around you. He’s swimming back towards the edge.

“Namjoon let me go!” You laugh.

“You’re not allowed to play in the water anymore.” He huffs.

He looks kind of really hot with wet hair and plump lips and droplets of water moving down towards said lips. You shake your head and then Namjoon is pushing your butt up and out of the water. You squeal at the sensation of his hands on you and you wriggle away from him. Just as you stand and begin running your hands through your sopping hair, Hoseok emerges from the house. He’s in nothing but his swimming trunks and he takes one look at you and almost busts a nut right there. You’re glistening with water droplets, body on full display from the bikini you’re wearing. Seriously, why do you wear such oversized clothes with a body like that?! You are the eighth wonder of the world.

Hoseok is frozen in place as he watches the way your body moves as you pull your hands through your hair to wring it out. Namjoon’s looking over at him with a shit-eating grin and Hoseok has to do something. Anything. Oh god do something, Hoseok!

“[FIRST]~!”

He’s sprinting towards you and your eyes bulge when you see him. Okay, you do not remember Hoseok’s body being that tones and defined. Shit. He’s hurtling towards you. He’s not stopping.

Why isn’t he stopping?

You go to scream but Hoseok’s arms have wrapped around you and you’re both crashing into the water. It already feels ice cold again and you’re in his arms which feel so hot - a deep contrast to say the least. You both surface and you wipe the water from your face, and then Hoseok’s. You can feel one of his legs pushed between your own and you are certain he can feel your pulse... there. He’s so close... your hands are on his biceps and his hands are on your waist. Your chests are pushed together and he can feel your heart hammering in your chest. Your faces are mere inches apart. His eyes flicker from your lips to your eyes and he’s seriously debating it this time. But he’s in front of all of the boys...

“Hi...” he whispers.

Your eyes are blown wide and you feel his leg move between yours. You whimper at the contact. Oh. Now there’s that look again. Hoseok is trying not to smirk. He’s got you right where he wants you.

“Hoseok, I would prefer it if you didn’t get any jizz in there!” Seokjin calls, “it’s freshwater!”

You push yourself away from Hoseok with some force and he begins to laugh at your embarrassed expression. But you’re all riled up again from being so close to him. You’re going to hell. You’re definitely going to hell.

~^*^~

“-and then the next thing I know, she’s blowing me under the table!” Jungkook reaches the end of his obscene story and you roll your eyes. There’s no way in hell that happened. You just don’t believe him.

There’s a fire crackling in the centre of the circle you guys have made and you’re sitting on the rickety arm of Hoseok’s camping chair and Jimin is on the other side of you in his own chair. There’s a guitar sat next to Jungkook but it’s long abandoned now that he’s started to talk about his many sex adventures with many girls. You have to admit, though, some of the shit that has been coming out of his mouth is kind of turning you on.

The boys, except for Hoseok and Yoongi, begin to debate on the percentage of truth in this story you know it’s closer to like 10 but Jungkook is adamant it is completely accurate. You feel fingers on your sides. Hoseok pulls you down into his lap and nestles into your neck.

“You’re warm.” He hums quietly.

This is weird.

You look around. Jungkook is getting ready to throw hands at Seokjin who is getting worked up about this story definitely being a lie, but also Namjoon who is giving pretty accurate stats on how it definitely isn’t true. Yoongi is somehow dozing off (again) and Jimin and Taehyung are exchanging notes of 20s. No one is paying attention to you or Hosoek.

“It’s the fire.” You whisper. What the hell is going on?

“I really don’t think it is.” He’s gripping your hips pretty tightly now. What is he doing? Is he drunk? You can’t turn to face him because you’re honeslty too scared. If you turn, this won’t actually be happening anymore, or it is and Hoseok is fucking with you and then you’re going to be pissed.

His fingers press in and suddenly, he’s guiding you to move very slowly against his thigh. You bite your lip, a shock of pleasure running up your spine. His lips are hovering over the skin of your neck and you’re already unable to breathe. The material of your romper is thin and after playing in the water, you opted against underwear. It’s almost just like rubbing against his jeans bare. That friction feels so good, though.

“Hoseok...” you mumble, “the boys-“

“-are not looking. Keep going.” He whispers against your skin. You’re growing hot already and Hoseok is moving your hips a little faster now. Your fingers grip into the arms of his chair and you’re so close to whimpering. So close. Already, the pleasure bubbling in your core is sending you feral. The fact that it’s Hoseok isn’t helping at all. The fire is burning and licking the air, but you can’t hear it. In fact, you can’t really hear much except for your breathing. Your burning up.

Hoseok halts your hips when you move a little too quickly and Jimin almost turns back to look at you.

“Go upstairs.” Hoseok whispers and you’re pushed up against your will. The pressure and the friction is gone in an instant and you want to sit back down and come like that, “now.” Hoseok sends a very light spank to your ass and you’re off as if you were some fucking race horse.

You’re stood in the bedroom you and Hosoek have shared over the last few nights. It’s really hot in here tonight and you don’t know if it’s just you or if the weather report was right and a heatwave is beginning. You can hear the boys downstairs laughing again and you know someone else is sharing an equally dirty (and fake) story. The door behind you closed quietly and you jump a little.

Hoseok says nothing as he prowls forward. He’s going to have his way with you tonight. He can’t hold himself back anymore and god knows how you’ve done it for a year. He’s going to help you catch up on what you’ve missed, that’s for sure.

The silence is broken when Hoseok’s lips connect to your neck and you sigh. His arms wrap around your waist and he grinds into you. How is he so hard already?

“You’ve been so bad lately haven’t you?” He hums against your neck, “so, so bad.”

“H-Hoseok...” you gasp when his teeth graze your skin.

“Hmm?”

You turn in his arms, your own wrapping around his neck as you bring him into a fiery kiss. Your teeth kind of crash together a little bit but neither of you care. Hoseok’s hands move down your waist, giving your ass a good squeeze before he hooks his hands around the back of your thighs and you jump up into him. Your cores press against one another and Hoseok moans at the feeling. You’ve literally never been so far gone like this before in your life and you don’t know why on Earth you decided to 1) let Hosoek make you ride his thigh 2) kiss Hoseok like this.

He takes a few steps back before you’re falling back on to the bed and like your bodies crashing down, the realisation crashes upon you that you’re kissing Hoseok. You pull away. You had always promised yourself not to get involved with the boys. Even if you liked them as much as you like Hoseok.

“What? What’s wrong?” One of his hands is caressing your arm and he sits up beneath you.

“I... we can’t Hoseok...” you sigh before running a hand through your hair.

“What?” He’s kind of shocked. The first offer of sex you’ve had in so long and you’re turning it down...?

“We can’t sleep together. It’s not... I don’t know. It just feels kind of weird and-“

“It doesn’t have to change anything between us.” Ouch. Hoseok winces at his own words. He’s a fucking idiot, “what I mean is-“ he immediately tries to backtrack, “-we can. It doesn’t need to be weird. Think of it as a friend helping out another friend.”

“I didn’t realise I was helping you but-“

“No, you dummy. I’m helping you.” He doesn’t think he needs to spell it out for you but whatever.

“Ok oka-... wait. Wait, wait, wait. How do you know that I need help...?” You furrow your eyebrows and you kind of look really cute. Especially since your hands are pressed against his chest and you’re straddling him and-

“Don’t get mad, okay?” Hoseok sits up more, one arm wrapping around you so that you’re still on him, “back at the house, I kind of overheard you telling Jimin that you haven’t gotten laid in a while.”

“Oh...” fuck. Now you must seem like a loser to him, “well, I was totally bluffing about how long ago it was.”

“Really?” He arches an eyebrow.

“Totally.” You’re nervous he can hear it in your voice, “it’s only been like three... Uh three...-“

“Honeslty, [First].” Hoseok prompts.

“Thirteen months...”

Fuck.

Thirteen months?!

“So that explains you flicking your bean in the bathroom-“

“You heard-?!” You shriek but Hoseok cuts you off.

“-and last night in bed as well-“

“-Hoseok I-“

“-think of this as the terms and conditions of our friendship. You are in need and I am available to help you.” He’s grinning at you, “let me help you, you poor, poor little thing.” He coos and he’s suddenly turned form Hoseok to... you don’t even know who this guy is, “would you like that?”

He pulls your chin towards him and you’re kissing again. It’s feverish and almost as hot as the room itself. Your arms wrap around Hoseok’s neck once more. This is just a friend helping out another friend in need. That’s all it is. His fingers are suddenly pressing against your bundle of nerves and you moan into his mouth. This gives Hoseok the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue in and your tongues fight for a moment. Hoseok wins easily and you’re so compliant for him. You’re so well behaved for him.

It’s another moment or two before you’re grinding against Hoseok’s thigh again. He’s sitting propped up against the headboard, hands gripping your waist as he watches you with hooded eyes. He’s got a pretty good idea of how you’re going to look riding him and he’s growing harder by the second. Your face is buried into his neck, your whispers washing over his skin. He loves it. He loves the way you can’t control yourself. Your hips seem to have a mind of their own and oh-

“Hoseok-!” You gasp and he can feel your cunt suddenly become even wetter.

“Did you just come?” He inquired darkly.

“H-Hobi...” you’re breathing heavily and even though one orgasm has just washed over you, your pussy is contracting and begging for more.

“You naughty little thing.” He tuts, “do it again, but this time,” he slips the stringy straps of your romper down, “let’s switch it up a little.

Hoseok is in nothing but his underwear this time and you are absolutely bare for him. Your back is arched and his lips are playing with your nipples. He occasionally nips, sending a jolt through you and your sleek folds are rubbing against his bare thigh. He’s flexing for you this time and every movement sends a wonderful burn through you. It’s not long before your second orgasm is washing over you.

“Fucking hell, you’re really riled up, aren’t you?”

“Y-yes...” you slump forwards into him, pressing sweet kisses to his neck. Your fingers are aimlessly running up and down his toned front. You like how hard his body is.

“Want me to give a little more help?” You nod and immediately, you’re flipped onto your back. Hoseok is hovering over you and his kisses are on your neck, your shoulders, your collarbones. Little purple blossoms are blooming on your skin and you’re moaning quietly at their creation. Hoseok’s hands are wandering your body. Hoseok can’t quite believe that this is actually happening right now. You’re tugging on his hair as he leaves wet kisses just above your breasts.

“Hoseok...” you sigh, and you’re not sure what you want him to do. You’re body is tingling with the aftermath of two orgasms in a short time, but you’re nowhere near done. Your body is on fire and you’re craving more and more. His tongue rubs down the centre of your body, and he doesn’t stop once he reaches your core. You’re dripping. The sheets below you are already getting damp and Hoseok is in awe at the way your already swollen cunt gleams with your juices. His mouth latches onto your clit and you roll your body up, back arching as a moan rips from your throat. Using one of his arms, Hoseok pins your stomach back down and gets to work.

His tongue is hot and laving over every part of you. His saliva is only adding to the mess you’ve made of yourself and it’s dripping down his chin, coating the tip of his nose. His eyes are swirling dark pools and he’s watching you. Your head is thrown back, mouth ajar but you’re not making much noise. Your chest is rising and falling pretty heavily and he loves the way it makes your tits look. Your hips, though... if you don’t start behaving, he’s going to have to do something. He’s already struggling because of how wet you are but you’re grinding into his face. You’re making it hard for him to catch a breath and fuck, if he wants to spend the rest of his life eating out your pussy, he’s going to need to survive the first time.

“Sweetheart, stop moving,” it’s not a request. It’s a warning. But his tongue feels so good against your throbbing cunt. The way he tugs with his teeth at your clit, or runs the whole tongue down your slit, of when he slides in for a moment, truly eating you out. Your fingers somehow slip into his hair and you’re determined to make him stay there. You want to come on his tongue, “[First],” he warns again and moved his hands so that they’re either side of your hips. He’s really holding you in place but somehow, you’re still able to overpower him.

A sound rebounds - his hand connecting with the skin of your ass that he currently has access to. A noise comes from your mouth and the sting of pain only eggs you on. Hoseok pulls away and sighs. You peer at him. There’s a string of your cum coming from his chin and his nose is glistening under the light. Fucking hell he looks so hot. His own chest is rising and falling. His mouth is open a little and a hint of a smirk play on his lips. But his eyes are dark and you’ve never been look at so intensely before. It’s the same kind of look he wears on stage when he’s worn out from a routine, when he’s still flawlessly keeping in character. He’s looking at you like that and your heart stops.

His fingers pull you towards him and you squeal. His flipping you over and with his left hand, he pins you to the bed. You can feel his legs straddling yours and he’s binding you down with his own body. You try to squirm but it earns a sharp slap to the centre of your ass. You mewl at the contact.

“I fucking,” slap, “told,” slap, “you,” slap, “not to,” slap, “move,” slap. Your ass is heating up and the pain is beginning to sear but it’s sending bolts of heat straight to your core. You can feel yourself dripping between your legs. Hoseok is mad. You don’t know why until, “when daddy tells you what to do, you do it.” 

Oh. Jung Hoseok has a daddy kink. Well if you weren’t turned on before. You definitely are now.

“Come here.” His voice is dark and sultry. It’s dripping with authority. It sends a shiver down your spine. When you sit up, Hoseok has rid himself of his boxers and he’s leaning back again with his legs open. His cock is flat up against his stomach and you choke back a breath. He’s... fucking hell how is he going to fit? For a guy who’s so slim... His dick is long, around 6 inches give or take but his girth... he’s going to split you in half with that thing. You have to be honest, you genuinely didn’t think that Hoseok would have such a huge cock. Normally the size is proportionate to the rest of the body coughjacksoncough and you’ve unfortunately seen certain frat members’ to confirm that this is the case. But Hoseok seems to be an anomaly among all of those proportionate sized penises because he’s a slim guy and he’s fucking hung like a horse.

You already know what he’s expecting from you, and you crawl forwards. You take a better look from up close and you’re not even sure you can fit it in your mouth, never mind anywhere else. There are some thick veins that run up along the shaft and you wonder if they’re sensitive. The crevice at the tip of his dick is also leaking a little precum.

Hoseok’s hand runs through your hair. You peer up at him and shit he could come right now. You look so sweet with a little bit of nerves in your eyes, so close to his throbbing cock. He doesn’t remember feeling like this when other girls are about to suck him off but you are so pretty.

“Come on, pretty girl, don’t make me wait.” He breathes.

You didn’t realise just how much you liked sucking cock until you started sucking Hoseok off. His dick seems to have a one-way channel to his mouth because he’s a mess. He’s groaning and whining and his head is thrown back giving you a great look at his neck and jawline. His hair is slowly becoming more and more disheveled as he repeatedly rolls his head back. Your tongue works over his shaft as you take in as much as you can of him. Your jaw is aching pretty bad and his dick fills up the entirety of your mouth. He’s bucking up and hitting the back of your throat but somehow you don’t gag. He wants to ask why but he kind of doesn’t want to know. Hearing about another guy training you to be a cocksucking goddess would probably turn him off and he doesn’t want that.

His fingers are suddenly curling around the roots of your hair and he’s forcing you down more. You’re beginning to gag now as he starts to fill up your throat and you’re finding it hard to breathe.

“You can take it, you can take it,” he gasps and forced you down even more. A loud groan that he’s sure carries through the closed window and down to alert the others comes from his chest when you swallow around him and he knows he’s going to come if he doesn’t pull out right now. Another groan leaves his lips when he pulls your mouth off with a pop. There’s a string of saliva and your lips are swollen and bruised, “here.”

You move closer to him and he grips the base of your neck and some of your hair. He pulls you in to another kiss and forces his tongue into your mouth. He can taste himself on your lips and on your tongue but that doesn’t stop him from kissing you like it’s the only thing he knows how to do. He can get used to this.

“Come on, baby, are you gonna ride my cock?”

“Would you like me to?” You whisper and press a soft kiss to the shell of his ear, “daddy.” You add.

Now, Hoseok has had girls call him daddy before. He kind of loves it. He loves being in that powerful position, he loves having a sub to dominate. He loves being called daddy. But he doesn’t think he’s loved it anymore than this moment. The word falls from your tongue like it was the word you were born to speak and there’s this beautiful faux innocence in your voice masking (not fully) a filthy playfulness.

“Fuck, baby, come on,” his hands slip to your waist and you position yourself above him.

You know you should probably get a condom but you decide to ruin the moment instead.

“You clean?” You whisper and look at him, “I am.” You announce.

“Me too.” He whines. He needs you. Now.

You sink down on to him. You don’t need any lube. You’re dripping with arousal. The stretch causes a little bit of a burn but it’s nothing you can’t handle. Hoseok fills you up in a way you’ve never been before. You’re deliciously full. You can feel every tremor in his shaft. Hoseok can feel you throbbing around him. You’re squeezing so tight and he thinks he might black out from the pleasure. His fingers grip your waist and you still as he bottoms out by pushing the last little bit of his cock into you. Honeslty, you could stay like this forever - sitting on Hoseok’s cock. It fits you rather nicely. Slowly, you begin to move your hips. A stuttered gasp falls from your lips at the first movement. You don’t know how the fuck you’re going to keep this up bevause Hoseok’s dick feels like it’s made for your pussy.

Hoseok is just sitting there, biting his lip and begging himself not to come too soon. You’re so warm around him and you’re dripping on to his thighs a little. You slowly begin to move and Hoseok moans. You’re squeezing him tight and the friction causes a powerful wave of pleasure to course his body.

“Come on, Princess, don’t keep daddy waiting.”

And you really start to move. You decide you don’t want it slow tonight. You don’t want sensual or anywhere near romantic. No. You want it rough. You want to be unable to walk for weeks. You want Hoseok to rearrange your guts and fuck you into next year. Your hips are fast. Your fingers grip his shoulders as you ride him hard and good. His hands help keep the pace of your movements and you’re both being a little too loud.

Outside, Jimin is graciously taking money from Namjoon, Seokjin and Jungkook. Yoongi and Taehyung are waiting for their share of the money and something about “I told you they’d fuck while we were here” comes from Jimin’s smug little mouth. Your moans and Hoseok’s groans are filling the air and the boys are starting to wonder if you guys are going to stop anytime soon.

Your heart is thundering in your chest, your thighs are burning with you’re movements and your pusy is aching. Your legs are giving in and you stop your movements, panting. Your gleaming with sweat as is Hoseok.

“What’s the matter?” His hands are running over your body again.

“I can’t...” you pant, “I can’t come again... my legs hurt and-“

“-you’re going to come again. You’re going to come until daddy thinks that you’ve had enough.”

Hoseok grips your hips and holds you in place. Without warning, he’s rutting up into you and moans are rolling from your lips. He’s bouncing you on his cock, thrusting his hips up and meeting yours with every movement. He’s pulling out nearly all the way and them pounding back up into you.

You can’t help but cling onto him for dear life. Your body is going haywire with the pleasure. You’re numb all over. Hoseok is groaning and the sound of his thighs hitting yours, the wetness of your pussy around his cock, his balls slapping your ass every time he harshly bottoms out fills the room. Your legs hurt but Hoseok is holding you in place and he bites down as your nails dig into his shoulders.

There’s no need for his fingers on your clit because he moves a little beneath you and then his cock runs against your g-spot. You tense up and a cry comes from you. Hoseok doesn’t stop. In fact, he’s insistent on fucking into your g-spot now. Every harsh and fast thrust up into af least brushes against that sensitive spot and you can’t even feel your orgasm building until it’s upon you. You’re constricting around him, pussy gulping him in but Hoseok doesn’t stop to let you ride it out. No. He keeps going.

He’s grunting hard, the sound turning you on more and your orgasm is almost over but the pleasure is already heightening because of how hard he’s fucking you and how often he’s hitting your g-spot. Then it happens.

“hOSEOK!” He doesn’t even care that you didn’t call him daddy. He doesn’t care that your fingernails probably drew blood. He doesn’t care. Because you’ve just gushed an insane amount of liquid all over his cock and you clenched so hard even he moaned out loud. You just squirted for his cock.

He stop his movements and you fall into him. Your hand are slipping from his shoulders and you’re breathing heavily.

“Did you just...” he pants.

“Yeah...” you can hardly breath. Hoseok is still inside of you and you’re still throbbing but Hoseok hasn’t had his orgasm yet.

“All for my cock? You naughty thing.” He’s smirking. You can hear it in his voice.

You go to protest as he lifts you off of him but the sudden emptiness has you at a loss for words. Your cunt is hot and an absurd amount of your cum and juices begins to quite literally flow out of you. You go to protest as he repositions you so that you’re on your hands and knees but you can’t. You just can’t. You can’t think, your mind has gone blank. You’re a wreck.

Hoseok pushes back in without any warning and you bite your lip. It’s too much. Your stomach is clenching, as if refusing to give you anymore orgasms for the time being but Hoseok has other plans. He smacks your ass again as he begins to fuck you from behind. He loves the way your ass jiggles every time he slams back into you and he loves the way he can watch himself fuck into you like this. He laced his fingers through your hair and keeps hold of you as his pace quickens again. Your stomach is knotting. You can’t come again. You can’t.

“Hobi-“ you breathe but that’s all you can make out.

His fingers come lose from your hair and instead, he attaches them to your bundle of nerves. Oh no.

Your stomach is flipping and you’re squeezing around Hoseok so tight. He’s making every kind of noise you’ve heard him make before when you’ve overheard him bring girls home but now that he’s making them for you (and not to toot your own horn but he sounds like he’s enjoying this more), it’s so much hotter. Your fingers are gripping the sheets and you’re so loud now that the boys definitely know you’re being fucked.

Hoseok is fucking into you so hard. It’s almost an in humane pace in which he pulls out and fills you up and he’s rubbing hard, tough circles on your clit. He’s panting hard and his chest is beginning to hurt but he’s literally never felt this good in his entire life and if he doesn’t fill you up with his come, he’ll definitely die of a broken heart from the regret.

“Hoseok!” His name is like a mantra slipping from your lips and the coil bursts and you come again for him. This one kind of hurts and your eyes sting with tears but Hoseok continues you fuck you through until you’re squirting again and now your body is losing strength and-

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, [First]-!” He groans your name before an animalistic growl comes from deep within him. His pace stutters for a moment. His hot come spurts into you and his pace finally begins to slow until he’s not moving but he’s still inside of you. Your bodies are hot and weak and you almost collapse right there. He’s growing soft again. And he pulls out. He sits back, watching his cum slip from your pussy and he’s proud of himself. Your thighs are soaked with your come and your juices and so are Hoseok’s but neither of you care.

Gently, Hoseok brings you into him and you lie side by side for a quiet moment as you catch your breath. Your body is completely useless now. You look over at Hoseok after another minute passes and he’s rolled into his side, looking at you with a fond expression.

He’s never look at you like that before. He pulls you into a kiss. This one is soft and tender. Both of your lips are swollen and so you think that’s why Hoseok is being gentle with you now. His hands manuver you so that you’re lying on your side and he takes a look over you. Your body is still glistening with sweat, neck and chest littered in marks of his kisses, he peers over and sees bruises forming on your hips and waist and your ass is red raw. Oops.

“You’re so good.” He cooked, bringing you into him. You’re silent. Now that you’ve fucked Hosoek, you’re going to have to find new friends. No one has ever dicked you down that good and now your crush on him has grown again.

Hoseok worries when you don’t respond, but you do pull yourself closer into him. He wraps his arms around you and presses a chaste kiss to the top of your head. He thinks- no, he knows.

“[First],” you peer up at him and now he’s certain, “I love you.”

Your heart stops. Hoseok loves you? Jung Hoseok loves you?

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You whisper. His heart aches a little at your words. You don’t believe him?

“It’s the truth. I mean it.” He moves so that you’re locking eyes, “I know I said that this didn’t have to change anything but... Jesus [First], I don’t think I can live with that.”

“Hoseok,” you breathe, “what are you saying right now?”

“I’m saying, you dummy, that I want you to be mine. Because I love you.”

“I...” holy shit you’re going to cry. You’re actually going to cry. You’ve just fucked your crush of like two and half years and now he’s telling you that he loves you back! What kind of fanfiction is this? “I love you, too, Hoseok.”

He brings you in for another kiss.

~^*^~

“Why aren’t you sitting, [First]?” Taehyung asks innocently. He knows the answer. All six of them staring at you know the answer. Hoseok, sitting next to you, knows the answer.

“I, uh... I’m...”

“So red raw down there you can’t sit for a week?” Jungkook finishes the sentence for you and you immediately go crimson.

“You guys are loud~!” Jimin teases.

“Yeah, please don’t fuck while we are anywhere nearby again.” Seokjin huffs.

“Seriously though,” Jungkook begins, “if you ever get bored of Hoseok, [First], I am very okay with you coming to me instea-“ he’s cut off when Hoseok launches a banana at his head.

“Mine.” Hoseok nuzzles into your side.

“Disgusting.” Jimin turns his nose away.

“So was what they did last night.” Namjoon looks at you both with a glint of micheif in his eyes. You groan and turn into Hoseok, “ah look, an audio preview.”

“Oh fuck off will you?” Hoseok grumbles.

“I’ll fuck off with [Fir-“. That time it is an orange and Jungkook insists for the rest of the day that Hoseok gave him a concussion with fruit.

[gleekto]

Fic: Even Better Than the Real Thing (1/15)

Summary: College AU/Famous!Blaine and Fanboy!Kurt - Kurt POV 

Kurt really doesn’t have time to figure out the dating world between being a freshman at prestigious theatre school, LAADA,  and his active but secret blogging life in the Sing!Fandom. So what if Sing! ended last year? There are still fics to read and actors to follow. Especially the uber talented heartthrob lead, Blaine Anderson. He can act. He can sing. He can even dance. He’s gay. He’s out. And he’s only 24. Kurt is willing to twiddle his thumbs and click refresh until Blaine Anderson’s next project.

He just didn’t expect the next project to be on his roommate Rachel’s new TV show.

Even Better Than the Real Thing

“Disappointing my female fans hasn’t been a problem. My character’s straight, I’m gay, and they’re cool with that. And also remember that for every female fan who might be disappointed, maybe there’s a gay kid out there who realizes that there’s a place for him in Hollywood.” - Blaine Anderson, Actor on Sing!, age 22

Kurt puts the final edits on his blog post  - “The privileges and pitfalls of playing straight for an out gay actor: Quotes from Blaine Anderson’s interviews”, before hitting post on his tumblr.  

While Kurt appreciates Blaine Anderson’s idealism, he’s pretty sure that Blaine’s gay guy fans are just happy to have some intelligent eye candy that actually plays for their team. One of Kurt’s greatest fandom moments was attending the Comicon panel for the Sing! finale when a fan around his age got up to the mic, so nervous that he just blurted out “I just love you so much, Blaine. You’re so beautiful.” Without missing a beat, Blaine Anderson smiled that charming, warm smile and said, “You’re not so bad yourself. And thank you. Hey, who knows if we were meeting up at a friend’s party in a different time, instead of these circumstances, who knows what might’ve been,” - to the utter delight of the screaming crowd. Everyone knows it’s all tongue in cheek and Blaine’s a flirt, that he knows he’s a heartthrob, but it’s sure nice to have a crushworthy celebrity all out and proud.

The Sing! fandom for Kurt was a welcome escape from Lima, Ohio, right from the comfort of his own living room couch.  For once he was being appreciated for his intelligence and sharp wit, rather than mocked for being the only out gay kid in his high school. He wasn’t going to change his sophisticated and maybe deliberately provocative fashion sense just to appease the football team hamhocks in baggy grey sweatpants. And when he occasionally posted a personal picture of his outfits on his blog, his fandom was always appropriately in awe. Kurt - well, Kurt as LimaBlaineFan that is - has his own little following thanks to his thoughtful, no bullshit analyses of all things Sing!. So of course when he moved to LA he wasn’t going to give all that up. Fandom is the most transportable social life in the world.

...

Now that he’s finally out of Nowheresville, Ohio, accepted to LAADA, his roommate and now new break out actress, Rachel, keeps encouraging him  to finally get himself out there and meet an actual person whom he could really date  - ”Come on, Kurt. I am telling you, those abs need to be appreciated!” to which he quips that she does sufficient appreciating for the entire city of LA. He really doesn’t have time, though, between all his school work and his active but secret fandom life - So what if Sing! ended last year? There are still fics to read and actors to follow.  He’s never had a boyfriend, never had the option, he wouldn’t know where to start. He’s pretty content to learn musical theatre and bide his time until his celebrity crush’s next project. It’s much easier.

Kurt does a final read over his post, hits submit on his tumblr, and watches the likes and reblogs tick up. Within five minutes, the inevitable questions and comments start to roll in.

-Hi LimaBlaineFan - love your post! Don’t forget about the time Blaine said at the GLAAD event that he can’t wait to play a gay character.

-Lol you idiot. Blaine is straight. He’s queerbaiting for brownie points.

-OMG thank you for your post! It just reminds me how brave and amazing our Blaine is! Sending hugs!!!

-Do you think Blaine will ever work again? He took a risk by coming out and we haven’t heard anything since Sing! ended?

Kurt shuts his laptop, mostly amused and mildly irritated with the trolls and the worriers. He sits up, spotting Rachel’s latest script for episode 3 of her new TV show, That’s So Rachel, on the coffee table. Yes, she got a lead role in a show straight out of their high school in Lima, Ohio. Yes, it’s kind of infuriating. But Kurt got into LAADA, one of the most highly coveted theatre schools in the country, so he can’t really complain.  He knows her scripts are super top secret on threat of death (or at least Rachel being fired) but she’s the one who left it out, and besides, he’s her roommate, and it’s right there. No harm in glancing over.   

Episode 3: What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Rachel Cherry - Rachel Berry

Rachel’s moms - Patti Lupone and Barbra Streisand

Colin Red, Love Interest - Blaine Anderson

Mr. Cohen, Rachel’s teacher - Jesse St. James

Kurt freezes. He blinks and looks again. And again. Blaine Anderson. Has been cast in Rachel’s show.

“Rachel?!” Kurt can feel his heart racing as he calls out to his roommate, almost dropping her script on the floor. “Rachel?” He says more quietly, trying to sound reasonable. “Can I ask you something?”

Rachel pokes her head out of her bedroom. Kurt is standing by their green velvet couch in the centre of their apartment, hand on his hip, trying to look as regular as is humanly possible in this potentially crisis level situation. “What is it?” Kurt holds up the script.

“I know, right! Barbra and Patti! I mean the producers told me it would only be an all star cast. But to think they got my literal idols to play my moms- It is above and beyond. I haven’t met them yet, of course, but we’re just starting to film episode three on Tuesday and-”

“Your love interest?” Kurt interrupts as disinterested as possible. 

“Oh. Oh yeah,” Rachel glances at the script in his hand. “Blaine Anderson, right? Supposed to be a good actor. He’s cute, too. I think he was on that Sing! show you loved.”

“Yeah,” Kurt nods casually. “I think he was.” Kurt knows that generally Rachel has no idea about his online fandom life. She knew he loved the show, watched it religiously each week, that he sometimes read an online “forum” with spoilers. Tumblr? What’s a tumblr? She had asked him once. But it is now confirmed just how limited her understanding is. 

Kurt lets out a deep breath. Thank God.

“I’m meeting him Tuesday,” Rachel says as she checks her complexion in the mirror and turns back to Kurt with her usual exaggerated flare. “I’ll let you know if he’s a good kisser,” She winks before grabbing the script out of Kurt’s hand. “And no spoilers! That’s top secret intel.”

[zmediaoutlet]

in support of Black Lives Matter, @aspiringmehood  donated $25, and requested ‘Sam/Dean, late seasons, dealing with Stanford.’ Thank you for donating!

to get your own personalized fic, please see this post. (no longer taking prompts)

Dean’s cooking--kind of, in that he’s stirring boxed pancake mix with some water--and Sam’s on the phone.

“No, I think that sounds great,” he’s saying. “Seems like the essay matters a lot depending on the school you’re hoping to get into, but your test scores and grades are obviously big, too. How did you do on the SAT?”

This isn’t a conversation that they’re on speakerphone for--Sam’s easy at the kitchen table, the phone to his ear and his laptop open in front of him, and when Dean turns around with the bowl of mix he looks at Sam’s shoulders, turned away, and chews the inside of his cheek, and puts butter on the griddle.

“Definitely,” Sam says, to something Dean can’t hear. He laughs, quietly. “I think Jody could probably do as well as I could, but let me know if you need more help. Sure thing.”

He hangs up, shakes his head. Dean pours a neat circle of batter onto the griddle, listens to the hiss. “How’s Alex?” he says.

“Applying to schools,” says Sam. Like that wasn’t obvious. He glances at Dean over his shoulder with a small smile, turns back to his laptop. “Jody made her call me because she was convinced she couldn’t get in anywhere with a sketchy school record. Think I proved her wrong.”

“Yeah,” Dean says, and looks down at the pancakes. Bubbles starting and soon it’ll be time to flip. “She’s smart.”

“Yeah,” Sam says, absently, and closes his computer, stands up. “Those’ll be done soon, huh?” he says, and at Dean’s nod he says, “Cool, I’ll be right back--just want to get something sent over to Alex before we eat,” and he’s gone, then, and Dean’s standing in the kitchen by himself, looking at pancakes, with no idea why his stomach feels as knotted up as it does. Except he does know, really. He flips the pancakes. It’s not worth thinking about.

It eats at him anyway. All day. Sam’s researching something-or-other to do with the Darkness, and Cas isn’t answering calls, and Dean--doesn’t have anything to do. He about drove himself into the ground, trying to come up with something, and Sam practically sat on him and told him he had to take some time away from it. They still don’t know what’s going on there, and going insane about it isn’t helping, and so he’s trying. He changes the oil in the Impala; he cleans the kitchen. He goes down to the shooting range and cores neat holes through the faceless targets and wants--a rot-eaten fence at the edge of the woods, and shooting up Coke bottles, and the sun beating down.

He takes a shower and when he goes to bed, Sam’s on the chair in his room, typing at something on his knees. “What are you doing?” Dean says, and Sam glances up at him, smiles at him in his pajama pants, but says, “Editing,” and when Dean frowns he clarifies: “Alex’s college essay. Apparently it’s too embarrassing to show Jody.” His eyes drop back to the computer screen and he shakes his head. “She’s got an interesting relationship with apostrophes.”

Dean doesn’t have anything to say to that. He didn’t know apostrophes were something you could have a relationship with of any kind. “You going to be done with English class in my bedroom any time soon?” he says instead, and Sam glances at him, shakes his head again.

“Yeah--sorry, just didn’t want to wait on it,” he says, and clicks something, and closes the laptop, dumps it on Dean’s dresser. He’s in pajamas too, that touchable washed-to-death shirt and the flannel pants Dean got him when his last pair got accidentally eaten by the dryer--Dean still maintains that that one wasn’t his fault--and when he climbs into bed he’s just--warm, and soft to the touch, and he settles like it’s natural against Dean’s back. Maybe it is natural for them, anymore. Ever since he got the mark off his arm they haven’t really bothered, with separate beds, and it’s--good. Better than Dean thought it’d be. He settles his head more comfortably on the pillow and Sam kisses the back of his neck, just--soft, not going anywhere with it, but it makes Dean’s gut tighten up anyway. Sappy bitch, he thinks, fondly, and then Sam sighs, slips his arm around Dean’s waist.

“She’s so excited, man,” he says. Dean opens his eyes, looks into the darkness on the opposite wall. “It’s kinda cool, you know? She had this screwed up life and now she gets to get out of it--make something of herself.”

“Lucky,” Dean says.

Sam huffs, obviously smiling. “Her version of this will be a little easier, though,” he says, “since she actually has--you know--a mailbox. No weird forwarding addresses and hoping she doesn’t miss an envelope. Seriously, lucky.”

Dean turns his face more into his pillow, doesn’t answer. It’ll be easier for her, too, he thinks, without having to hide every part of it from her family--for her not to have to pretend it’s not happening--and when she leaves--

He closes his eyes, feels Sam’s bulk all up against his back. He’s here. Here, and he swore he’d always be, and Dean has to believe that. If he doesn’t, then what’s the point?

Apparently it’s application season. Sam calls Alex again the next day, talks her through some of the things he suggests she might change in her essay. She doesn’t have her sights set on the stars--no Stanford or Harvard or MIT for her--but she’s still nervous, wants to get it right. Sam snorts, when he gets off the phone, says, “Claire says she hopes they’ve got hairdressing electives at Minnesota,” and Dean thinks, jesus, Claire. He shoves back, away from the table, and when Sam gives him a startled look he says, “Forgot, I was going to go to the store,” and it’s a shitty lie but it’s the only thing he can come up with in that second--imagining Claire and Jody, alone in the house, and how it feels when three people turns into two--and then because he’s said it he grabs his coat and gets into the car and drives into town, and he knows he’s being an absolute dumbass but it comes like this, sometimes, and he can’t help it.

He’s nearly calmed down, by the time he gets back. “Got beer,” he announces, which he did, and even crap for a salad for Sam, and stuff for burgers, and Sam helps him carry it into the kitchen and helps put it away, and then he grabs Dean by a jeans-pocket and traps him against the island with his hands on the counter either side of Dean’s hips, and he looks down at him square, and he says, “Why are you being weird?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Pot-kettle, Sammy,” he says, and pushes at Sam’s stomach.

Sam doesn’t budge, though, and Dean looks away. “Dude, like I don’t know you,” Sam says. He resettles his hands on Dean’s waist, squeezes soft. “Is it--are you having dreams, again? About the Darkness?”

He is, but that’s not new. He could lie and say it was that. “Nah, I’m good,” he says, because he is--he really is, no matter how much of a spaz he’s being.

Sam doesn’t let him go, though, and Dean knows he’s frowning. “Then...” he starts, and seems to--get it, somehow, from Dean’s brainwaves or something, because he sighs and it sounds disappointed. “The college thing.”

“It’s no big deal,” Dean says, or tries to, because before he can really get the last word out Sam’s cupped his face in both hands and pulled him straight and is kissing him--shallow, precise like Sam can be sometimes--good enough that Dean grabs Sam’s hips, opens up to it, tilts. Sam’s mouth, taste of bitter coffee. Perfect.

When Sam pulls back it’s by a few inches, and when Dean opens his eyes Sam’s smiling at him, but it’s kind of--sad, or compassionate, or pitying maybe. Hard to tell. “You’re a bad liar,” Sam says.

True, lately. Still. “You’re a bad liar,” Dean retorts, and Sam rolls his eyes.

“Come here,” Sam says, and Dean doesn’t want to, but Sam tugs at his wrist and Dean follows him--out of the kitchen, into the hall, and then into Sam’s room, where Sam kicks off his boots and sits on the bed, and when he holds out his hand Dean takes it, and is drawn up to... sit in Sam’s lap, his knees spread around Sam’s hips.

Not a position he usually takes, at least when they’re dressed. He raises his eyebrows and Sam shrugs. “Trying some positive reinforcement,” he says, which doesn’t make any damn sense. The way he’s propped up against the headboard, Dean’s looking down at him, for once. Sam’s mouth lifts at one corner, his eyes all over Dean’s face. “Talk.”

“This is dumb,” Dean says.

“I agree,” Sam says, but he squeezes Dean’s hips, soft. “But something’s bugging you. The college thing? It’s just a kid going to college, man.”

Dean licks his lips. “I know,” he says, and he does. “Alex is smart to get your advice. You’re the expert.” He meant it to be light but it comes out--bitter, and Sam frowns. Fuck. Dean shakes his head. With how they’ve been he doesn’t want to be an asshole--they’ve been trusting each other, open, and he didn’t mean to screw it up. “I don’t mean--Sammy. It’s cool, it makes sense. I mean, you’re probably the only person who knows what she went through who also knows what they’re doing, with this kind of stuff. You’re doing a good thing.”

Sam looks up at him, eyes steady. “I know,” he says, after a minute. “But it’s got you thinking about--back then. When I left. Dean, that was--god, fifteen years ago or something.”

“I know,” Dean repeats, raw, and goes to push off Sam’s lap but Sam doesn’t let him. “Dude, give it up with the manhandling routine.”

“No,” Sam says, sitting up. He loops his arms around Dean’s waist and kinda smiles, in that Sammy way where it doesn’t so much look like a smile at all. “C’mon, man. You--seriously, do you still think about that?”

That night, in front of that busted-ass old house. Everything he’d been clinging to crashing down around his ears. Maybe not the worst night of his life anymore, but it’s still ranked. “It’s dumb,” he says, which he realizes a little too late is more revealing than maybe he wanted it to be, with how Sam’s face changes. “Sam, it’s no big deal.”

“You keep saying that,” Sam says, quiet, and one of his cheeks sucks in, like he’s gnawing at it. He keeps holding on, like Dean’s a flight risk or something, and it’s--nice, sort of. Close like this, outside of just sleeping or screwing. Sam takes a breath and Dean feels the way his chest expands. “It’s one of the best things I ever did. Going to school.”

Dean looks up at the ceiling, the slow-spinning fan.

“I got to just--live,” Sam continues. “Exploring the world, and figuring out what I liked. Meeting people who weren’t hunters and learning stuff that wasn’t just how to kill things. I mean, obviously I know now it wasn’t going to go anywhere--I was never going to be allowed to be a lawyer, or live a normal life like I thought I wanted, but. I still wouldn’t change it.”

Dean swallows, and tries to muster up how to be a man. “I get it,” he says, and--he does. This he knows how to be honest about. When he looks back down Sam’s still watching him, total focus, and he tries a smile. “You needed to get away. Grow up a little. Anyway, you and Dad were probably gonna shoot each other if you’d been cooped up together any longer.”

Sam snorts, leans back a little with his hands still locked at the small of Dean’s back. “Yeah, maybe,” he says. “So--it was important. But I don’t think I got until--way later. How much it screwed us up. That it screwed you up. That--I wish I could go back, sometimes. Fix that.”

Still watching. Sam’s whole laser-attention thing is annoying as hell, sometimes. “It was a long time ago,” he says, shrugging.

“Right,” Sam says, ironic. “That’s why you always think I’m gonna bolt the second there’s a pretty girl in a nice town, or there’s an ad for a college on TV.” Dean’s jaw clenches hard enough that his teeth kinda hurt and Sam shakes his head, but he slides his hands up Dean’s back, too, a long stroke, and lifts up to kiss the underside of his jaw, tender. “You know,” he whispers, “I’m taking an online class right now.”

Dean blinks. “What?”

“History of the Meiji Era in Japan,” Sam says. When he meets Dean’s eyes again he’s still smiling. “Undergrad elective through Michigan State. Really interesting stuff.”

“You never told me that,” Dean says. He shifts, in Sam’s lap, and does put a few more inches between them.

Sam sighs. “I know. Maybe--I don’t know. Didn’t want you to freak out. Can’t imagine why I thought that might happen.” Dean nearly shoves at his shoulder, then, and Sam catches his arm, reels him back in. “Sorry,” he says, and he actually does look kinda sorry. “I just don’t know how to convince you, man. You’re it, for me. No matter what kind of crap happens, or--whatever, how many planets fall down on our heads. It’s you and me, no matter what. A college class isn’t going to change that.”

“I know,” Dean says, and when Sam’s eyebrows crease uncertainly he shakes his head. “Dude. I really do. It’s--the same for me. You know that, right?”

“Come whatever,” Sam says, softly, and Dean dips his head then and kisses Sam first, gentle because--because they can afford that, now. With the promises they’ve made, and what those promises meant.

When he pulls back Sam looks gratifyingly pink, in the hollows of his cheeks, and Dean shrugs one shoulder. “I’m just screwed up, Sammy,” he says. “When it comes to you. Probably always will be.”

Sam smiles at him, lopsided. “Guess that comes with the territory,” he says. Dean snorts. Understatement. Sam licks his lips, looking up at him, and then--flips them, in the bed, rolling Dean underneath in a surge of show-offy muscle so that he’s propped up on his elbows, his body solid in the cradle of Dean’s body. He looks kind of smug about it, too, and Dean pinches his side and says, “show-off,” and Sam kisses him soft, doesn’t acknowledge it.

“Maybe if Alex needs her dorm room demon-proofed, we can both help,” he says, when he pulls back.

Dean tucks his hair back behind his ear, shakes his head. “We’ll teach her how to do it herself,” he says. “She’s supposed to be a college girl, right? She needs to learn.”

Sam nods. “Deal,” he says, warm, and kisses Dean again, and they move on then, to better things.

[mor-beck-more-problems]

Hit Or Miss || Morgan & Bex

TIMING: Current

PARTIES: @inbextween & @mor-beck-more-problems

SUMMARY: Morgan tries to get to know Bex over a game of Battleship. Explosions may or may not ensue.

CONTAINS: brief references to transphobia

There were a few things that death couldn’t take away from Morgan: love, the view of a January day, and board games. She had never been much of a fan as a kid, they were bulky, hard to pack in a hurry, and as soon as you lost a couple pieces, all that mess became worthless. But at Karen’s house a lifetime ago, the novelty special editions of Monopoly and Life and the varnished wood sets of checkers and parcheesi had seemed like treasures from another world; one where the ground was steady beneath your feet and it never occurred to you that the nice things you loved would fall apart. Today, she ran her fingers over a battered edition of Battleship: Classic (was there a Battleship: passé somewhere?) and brought it down to the table by the window she was bogarting at Board to Death, grinning affectionately at the scuffed pegs and stained ships hiding under the lid. It was the only coffee shop in town that anything to offer besides food she couldn’t taste. Her triple espresso had a soothing bitter taste, but all the icing in the world on the danishes or dipped vegan scones couldn’t bring back her old sense of taste.

She sipped the just-below-boiling mixture and watched the living world shuffle by in their puffy coats and bright scarves. When she saw a nervous looking girl approach the window she smiled, nodding in case it was her. When she entered the cafe, Morgan held out her hand. “Hey, you’re Bex, right?”

The strangest part about being back in White Crest was that it felt so nice. There was something about this place that felt enough like home that Bex almost didn’t altogether mind her overbearing parents controlling her every move. Almost. They’d delighted in the fact that she was being scouted by a professor already, and she’d opted to not mention the part where said professor was gay and also recommended by someone who thought they were a witch. For some reason, Bex trusted Nell’s judgement, and Professor Beck seemed really nice. And, well, Bex couldn’t help but leap at the idea of meeting a real life queer person. Especially a woman. Who was out! And open! Even if she couldn’t really ask her about it today. The concept was novel. And so Bex really wanted this meeting to be good.

Therefore, she kept an excited demeanor about herself as she made her way to Board to Death, trying to push the anxiety away. Put on a smile when she opened the door, and glanced around for Professor Beck, seeing her through the window. She scooted herself over, taking her hand. “Hey! Hi, yes! That’s me! I’m Bex! That makes you Professor Beck, then! Unless you’re not, which would make this very awkward,” she chuckled, then stopped, clearing her throat. “S-sorry. Um, hi, thanks for meeting with me!” Glanced down to look at her refreshments on the table, then back up. “I never really knew Board to Death had food! I’ve only been here a few times. Do you come here a lot?”

“I am Professor Beck, yes, but you can just call me Morgan. Pretty much everyone does.” Morgan took another sip of her espresso and gestured for the girl to sit. It wasn’t every day she could tell someone she’d spoken with online just from their demeanor, but Bex was nearly vibrating out of her skin with anxiety. It was an excited kind of anxious, like her face might hurt from smiling so much, but it still gave Morgan some pause. This was a girl who had wrecked a whole computer lab with just the force of her emotions. Even if she couldn’t accept magic yet, some kind emotional release would probably be good for her. “I don’t come here much, no. Coffee tastes pretty much the same to me anywhere, and at least here it comes with something fun to do. You’ve played Battleship before, right? It’s only one of a couple of two player games I’m familiar with that doesn’t make you think too much.” Grinning at her, Morgan lifted the top from the game and started assembling her board.

“Oh, um--” Bex started, feeling that anxiousness already bubbling in her throat again, “-- I’ll try, but no promises. My parents sort of drilled it into me that it’s ‘Mister’ and ‘Misses’, or ‘Doctor’ and ‘Professor’ only!” Her face scrunched, as if she were trying to be angry and she lifted a finger to waggle. A poor imitation of her father. “You are a child, Odelia, and you will address your elders properly!” Not realizing she’d let slip her real name, she looked back across the table at Professor Be-- er, Morgan. “Oh, yeah, I’m much more of a tea person, myself. Coffee makes me jittery and anxious and I think I’m plenty of that all on my own, you know?” She watched as Morgan began assembling the game, not saying too much. Her father had made her play old strategy games like Risk and Chess for hours on end as a child, but Battleship had never seemed to reach their table. “Um, once, at school. You just kinda guess coordinates, right?”

Morgan couldn’t hide the arch in her brow as Bex gave a different name as she impersonated her parents. Did they not address her the way she asked to be? Did she keep the name she gave out to acquaintances as a secret? Still, she snorted kindly and finished setting up her board. “It’s good that you know yourself at least. I’m not sure if the world is ready for a caffeinated Bex just yet.” She finished setting up her board and started on her ships, keeping them mostly spread out from each other. “And yeah, it’s just a fun guessing game! If you know your opponent well, you can try and guess their methodology, but it’s, you know--” She held up the box lid, “Ages 6 and up.” With everything set aside on her end, she could lean back and relax. “So, I do hope you’ll take one of my seminars. My syllabus is way more fun than the other professors’, not to knock my colleagues, because they’re amazing, but I hand out movies and, occasionally, video games too. We look at what speculative and fantastical stories tell us about humanity, how we see ourselves and each other and why changes in those perceptions matter. And, you know, with all the writing homework, you’ll probably get a leg up on your fellow pre-law students. Anyone can have an idea or a feeling, but it takes work to give voice to it. But, that’s my one and only pitch. I’d much rather get to know you. Sometimes strangers can be easier to open up to than others.”

“Oh, it’s definitely not,” Bex agreed with a chuckle. She watched Morgan set up her side-- without peeking, of course!-- before working to set her own side up. She didn’t entirely know the best strategy for Battleship, but she decided she wanted to go for an out there one, sticking all of her ships right in a square in the middle of the map. “Well, I’m definitely six and up, so, I think we’re all good. Who goes first?” She looked across the table to Morgan as she continued to fuss with her pieces, wondering which formation was better, listening to her description of her course. “It sounds like a great class,” she said when the older woman was done speaking, but there was something vibrating inside of her. Something about the description, something about how free and open the course sounded, made her realize something else was going on here. Bex might have been closed off and insecure, but she was observant as well. It was one of the qualities that made her an actual decent law student. Her gaze dropped to her board and she pulled her hands away. “I’m ready to start, then,” she said, lifting her eyes just enough to gaze over the top of the board, the double meaning of her sentence not lost on either of them.

Morgan watched Bex thoughtfully, from the tightness in her shoulders to the shrill chirp of her voice. She was trying, eagerly, desperately, but for what? Morgan wanted to tell her to relax, there were no quizzes or grades handed out at the end of this meet-up. But having been that anxious herself more than once, she knew drawing attention directly didn’t always have the desired effect. “A-10?” She called. “Why don’t you tell me about why you like it here? I thought I saw you mention something about ‘coming back’ on main and I gotta say, I haven’t heard of too many people returning after they’d left. Well, not often by choice anyway.”

“Miss,” Bex said quietly, sticking a peg into A-10. “E-6?” she tried, waiting for the response. She chewed on her lip at the question, thinking a moment. It wasn’t that she really liked it here, but White Crest was home and she knew she had a place here. And even if she hadn’t gone to school here, or grown up with the other kids, or become a regular at all the diners-- she still felt like she fit in here. More so than at Penn State, where the kids looked at her with those eyes, and whispered behind their hands, and posted her private life online. “It just...feels like home, I guess. I went to private school as a kid, so it’s not like I really have any sort of connection to the town, but I just feel right here,” she explained softly, neither smiling nor frowning. She stuck a peg into the missed slot. “I came back because I had to.” Where she really wanted to be was far away from the East coast, maybe in Oregon or Washington or California. Somewhere she could start over brand new and be whoever she wanted to be. She cleared her throat. “How um-- how long have you been in White Crest?”

“Miss,” Morgan called. She let a round pass unremarked, taking in as much as she could. She was just bundled up so tight, it was no wonder she’d exploded in front of Nell. That much repression might do the same even to someone without magic. “Private school, huh? Like boarding school? I didn’t realize those were still a thing in this country.” She made another call, D-6, and took another sip of espresso. “I’ve been here for a year now. I’m starting to see how somebody could feel like they belonged here, even with all the terribleness. It’s not an easy fit, but I don’t think I could leave on a dime, not by myself anyway. But what--is it okay if I ask what made you have to come back? Or if not, maybe tell me about someplace else you dream of being. Those are good ideas to hold onto. The future, I mean.”

“Yep,” Bex said dismissively, “I went to a private boarding school. And they definitely still exist here.” And they suck, she wanted to add, but held her tongue. Uniforms and strict schedules and forced rules. Secrets and hush money and skirting around the fact that Bex was not born a girl. “My parents paid good money for it, it was a Jewish Orthodox school, a really good one, too,” she went on, swallowing down the hard feelings. They didn’t matter anymore. “The town certainly has a charm to it, doesn’t it?” She stuck a peg right between two of her ships as a miss. “Miss. Um...H-7?” She looked up again, contemplating which question she wanted to answer. They both would give away too much, and she was bad at lying. “There was an incident at my old school,” she finally said, the waver in her voice coming through, “my parents thought it best I come back home.”

“It’s okay, Bex,” Morgan said softly. “I want to know you, but you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t really want to. But I am sorry about whatever happened to you over there. It doesn’t seem like something easy.” She tilted her head, trying to meet the girl’s eyes. There was something there, something awful. Bullies, maybe? Did kids chase Bex and lock her in storage cabinets and call her names like they had Morgan? Or was there some kind of accident with her magic? “What do you want, Bex? However important your parents are to your life, however close you might be, your life is still yours. Your future should look like what you hope for. Why don’t you tell me more about that, huh? Or how the law firm fits into that idea.” Another sip of espresso. “Miss, by the way.” She scanned her grid and made a guess toward the middle. “F-6?”

Bexley swallowed hard, trying to make the worble that was building in her throat go away. “It’s okay, it’s kind of public information, anyway,” she stated matter of factly, moving away from the topic enough to not feel too overwhelmed, and thankful for Morgan’s offer. But the next question felt even harder, and Bex could feel the anxiety building in her stomach again. Her hand shook as she went to plug in the peg next to her ship, one hole away and she had to grip it with her other to make it stop. “I want to make my parents proud,” she stated, as if reading from a script, “I’m the sole heir to our business and fortune. That’s all there is to it. M-my future. That’s all I want. To be the perfect daughter for them.” And stop messing up. Since she couldn’t be their son. Since she couldn’t be the best. “Miss,” she said and her voice cracked. “F-5?”

“Miss,” Morgan replied. “And you don’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect. Perfect in terms of being flawless and incapable of improvement isn’t even a real thing. And your parents--” Morgan frowned. She had a lot of fairy tales about what parents should be like, but the more people she met, the more she wondered where she had cooked that one up. “The best way to love someone is to enable them to be the most themselves. The best, freest version of themself. And asking yourself those questions is the best way to find yourself loved better. I don’t know what your situation is, Bex, but you shouldn’t live to be an object in someone else’s story. You’re more than that. What is it that really excites you? What do you hope for?” Morgan waited, peering at this small glimpse of Bex’s pain with growing concern. Then, suddenly remembering that she had yet to call a move, she distractedly mumbled something a few spaces out from her last one. “E-5?”

Bex didn’t like this anymore. Morgan was saying things she already knew, but she also already knew that they were things she couldn’t have, so what was the point in thinking about them? In talking about them? She didn’t even bother putting a peg in this time. This was supposed to be a fun, easy meeting, not a deep dive into her extremely painful situation. “Please stop,” was all she said, hands folded tightly into her lap, “just...please?” Fingers began to pick at nail beds, still red and raw from every other time she’d done it. “All I hope for right now is to make it through each day without messing up or embarrassing someone,” she admitted quietly, but her voice was stern, an anger stewing inside of her that she rarely let to the surface, “And I just hope that I can make it through the week without some shit happening. And I hope that one day I’ll be able to look back on all this and put it behind me, but that’s not feasible right now so I really need to just not think about it and keep trying my best for my parents because they’re all I have.” And she owed them everything. Shakily, she lifted the peg and placed it on one of her ships. “Hit.” A loud whistle behind the cafe counter signaled steaming water and Bex startled. She let out a long sigh. “A-2.”

“I’m sorry,” Morgan said quickly. “I don’t mean to-- I am being sincere in what I am saying and whatever me or my life looks like to you or anyone else peeking on main apparently, it’s-- I do know what it’s like to feel like your life isn’t yours and what you want doesn’t matter and keeping your head down and being small and left alone is the best you’re gonna get. I am deeply, intimately familiar with that feeling. I can only imagine what kind of suffering you’ve been through, but you were meant for more than that, and I’m sorry. I’ll stop, okay? Do you--” Morgan stopped as another kettle trilled, glowing with sudden heat. She made a note of the hit, but didn’t put the red peg on the board. Flustered and desperate to recover the afternoon, she pawed her pockets for her phone. “I have cats. Three of them. Do you want to see pictures of the cats? Or ask me something? This isn’t an interview. If there’s something you want to know you can--” The phone clattered onto the table. Deirdre and Anya’s faces bloomed on the lock screen. “You can do whatever you want, Bex, you don’t even have to stay.”

Everything Morgan was saying just made Bex tense up more and more. Kettle’s started shouting, left and right, even the baristas were beginning to panic, running around and removing them, but finding them still screaming, louder and louder, despite the lack of heat. A crack formed in the window next to Bex as she screwed her eyes shut and clenched her entire body. She didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for her or tell her how much they understood or tell her how sad it was-- she wanted to pretend like how she was living was okay and fine and that one day she’d make it through and suddenly everything would feel okay. And just be okay. She unclenched and the whistles seemed to die down. Looked at the phone that had fallen to the table and saw the happy woman on it, smiling and beautiful. And the cat, so peaceful looking. Tears welled in her eyes. “I have to go,” she said suddenly, standing up. The chair scooted back and toppled over. People turned around to look at them. Her heart seemed to leap into her throat and the mug on the table shattered. “I’m sorry! I have to--” took a step back and all the teapots wailed again. Bex looked around frantically. “It-- It was nice to meet you, Professor Beck, but I--” she didn’t get to finish her sentence as one of the pistons on the espresso machine shot off and shattered a nearby tower of cups. Bex turned and ran before anyone had a chance to ask her anything.

“Bex, wait! You need to--!” Whatever half-assed plea Morgan was working on fizzled out under the crash of falling furniture and screaming machinery. Someone’s baby started wailing, the window buckled like it had been gut-punched, and the steam whirred louder. Morgan grabbed her coat and bag and phone. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen to downtown with Bex like this, if she could talk her down or if following would only make things worse. Shit, probably worse, right? But by the time she stumbled out the door, the girl was long gone and all Morgan had left were more questions. At least she would be able to tell Nell one thing for certain: Bexley was not okay, and under her nerves lay a sadness too deep for her to contain, especially in White Crest.

[youarejesting]

My fics in 2020

I am proud of this year. I worked hard until the end. 2020 was my year of finishing my stories. I have done so much and next year I want to do more. So keep an eye out Jester will take over.

Fandom(s): BTS, mentions of NCT, BLACKPINK, MONSTA X.

Networks:@btscreatorscorner @castlebangtan

Total Fics: 34

Total chapters: 404

Total Words: 565,587 Total vids and fake subs: 13 

Best and Worst Title?

Best: ‘Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire’ and its sequel ‘Dance is the celebration of the flame’

Worst: The Check Up

Best and Worst first line?

Best: Yoongi never understood why people would say one's blood is important. (Mania)

Worst: It all started in Mykonos. (Steal my sunshine)

Best and Worst ending line?

Best: “I got you this pretty dress” Seokjin grinned showing you the dress before hugging you and giving your forehead a kiss, “Let’s go burn it” (Me & the ghost in number 23)

Worst: But all you got was a sharp-toothed smile. (Pandemonium)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than, or about what was expected?

I think I wrote what I expected, but I think I could have definitely finished more. Which is a bit upsetting.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? 

I don’t have limitations to my writing so nothing is deemed unpredictable.

I am however generally surprised by my love of throwing in twists and also gore, I love gore.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Wild space: it is strange because I am not particularly a fan of space and scifi, but I am really into writing world building things and having the ability to create a whole planet was amazing.

Most popular story? 

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Seoulmates

Femme

Quarantine

AO3: 

Quarantine

BTS365

Love Listening

Story most underappreciated by the universe? 

Tiny Tan: Limited Edition

Story that could have been better? 

All

Sexiest story?

 Love Listening

Saddest story? 

 Me & the ghost in number 23

Fluffiest story? 

Mall Santa

Most fun story? 

BTS Among Us 

Hardest story to write? 

Kisaeng

Daylight (i'm still writing it haha)

Easiest/most fun story to write? 

Light it up

What story took the longest?

365 lol took all year

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? 

The biggest risk I took all year was posting my work. Living life on the edge.

What are your fic writing goals for next year? 

To double my writing

Fics that you wrote in 2020:

BTS365: 365 mini stories ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure, smut. This has it all. Find your birthday and read your story. I wanted to give something unique to people.

Quarantine: 100 Chapters ✓ Something to accompany you while you are alone during quarantine and the pandemic. I was lonely and I figured so was everyone else. So, I decided to have BTS help us all go on an adventure that didn’t focus on the covid virus but on some other aspects around it.

Femme: 50 Chapters ✓ A futuristic world where women are rare. This was an indulgement fic that gave circumstances for the reader to be in a polyamorous relationship with the boys and live a glamorous life. Ending was a bit rushed.

Seoulmates: 29 (ongoing) Each member of BTS has a unique soulmate bond. I love the idea of this, another indulgent fic but you aren’t alone with the boys you have friends and you can play different parts.

Witching: 11 Chapter ✓ When your brother goes missing trying to find them gets you in a turf war between two covens. This fic was actually a way for me to vent for a project I wanted to complete but the project is so big that I wrote this instead.

Herb: 2 Parts ✓ mature, smut. Jimin claims he has everything you need, he doesn’t disappoint. I came across this idea within the 365’s and extended it because I liked the idea so much. Jimin has everything from casseroles to scarfes, cat food to cell phone chargers and the reader just wants to be loved and relieve stress.

Limited Edition: 10 Chapters ✓ BTS boys are sold as limited edition figurines. This was originally me venting about not having any merch and then became a daydream that what if the merch came alive. And the story was born.

BTS Among Us: 7 Chapters ✓ gore, action, adventure, scifi, angst, death of main characters. This one was so funny for me, I had my friend pick a colour and that was the imposter from the start. I was amazed that no one figured it out in the end. I want to play again soon.

Light it up: 13 Chapters ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure. This was inspired by the dynamite trailer, I loved it so much that I began writing, I had no clear direction but as I wrote it started to shape and someone said it was like stranger things and I credited Stranger things cause it did indeed have a similar premise and I don’t want to pretend I came up with something that has already been done.

Love listening: 2 Parts ✓ SMUT, comedy, fluff, angst, romance, mature. This was inspired by a strange video that came up on the internet, I was searching for BTS misheard lyrics and the video I clicked had some funny ones but after that the next suggested video was bts moans and auto play was on and well this fic was born.

Me & the ghost in Number 23: 11 ✓ fluff, comedy, scifi, supernatural, romance, angst, mature, smut, death of main character. This was inspired by many of the ghost text au’s I had read but many of them were like the show oh my ghost where the main ghost character isn’t actually dead just in a coma and I thought the opposite way instead of them waking up, I wanted things to shape the other way. This one was so difficult to write and I cried a lot due to the loneliness Jimin was facing and the mourning from Yoongi.

Hope in the sheets: 4 chapters (so far) fluff, comedy, smut, adventure, slice of life, romance, angst, mature, growing up. This one is a fic that targets my childish desires. I have grown up so much and this fic is a visual representation of that. 

Asks: 77 (ongoing) where the bts boys answer the readers questions and concerns.

Reactions: 15 (ongoing) 

Prompts: 18 (ongoing)

One shots:

Kisaeng: This was a reverse fic project, the idea that instead of Mulan pretending to be a man and going off to war, it was BTS dressing as women to stay home from war. I loved writing about fictional history. 

Steal my Sunshine: This was a summer project. I wanted to write something that felt like a very bad spy movie, like Mellissa Mccarthy and Mr Bean-esque. I formed this one and it made me laugh the whole time writing it.

Blue Side: This was talking to myself about being sad and admitting that I could be sad but I should learn to split the happy and sad into two worlds and limit my time in them both, it was about equal balance and finding the good in the sad and the sad in the good. I don’t know how hard to explain.

Temptation: I had fun writing but it is pure SMUT. not even good SMUT.

Pandemonium: This was really fun. The premise is dark and the ending is left ambiguous, in the original, Namjoon kills the reader but I left it open so you can imagine them continuing their relationship or not.

Mall santa: A fluffy christmas piece. A secret santa I wrote that I felt needed to be soft and quirky and have just all the hallmark moments.

Mad: This one is finished, but I have it published privately at the moment waiting to unveil it as it is well SMUTTY. I don’t know what it is about Taehyung but he is always so dark and I guess that's what people find appealing. I had this idea from a 365prompt and well I had to write it.

One wish: This was a birthday fic that I wrote for a friend. I wanted people to read it on their birthdays or imagine their birthdays and themselves in this position if they made the same wish.

The Check Up: I wrote for this for a friend going through a personal procedure, they were nervous so I took their bias and made something I hoped they could think about while in the procedure and I even explained the steps and what might happen over the next few days hoping the whole thing wouldn’t seem as scary because technically her mind had already been through it when reading the story.

Sparks of the heart: Robots developing human feeling. It was a cute universe and Yoongi’s story will be a series within 2021.

Dance machine 3000

Digital Art

Electronic Tonic

Circuit chef

Random Access Memory

Kookies Trojans and Malware

Feel Better: Another fic written for a author who was sick, I wanted them to endulge in some escapism whilst they were sick.

Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire & Dance is the celebration of the flame: These two were requests that I loved dearly.

Horror movies: Cheesy damsel in distress meets boys will be boys.

I will wait (somesay): This song wouldn’t get out of my head so I had to write it.

Wild Space: When I wanted to write a hybrid AU but I already have a hybrid AU being edited. So hybrid werewolves meets space.

The Bomb: This one is compete and ready to post I had to talk myself out of writing this as a series but I love the story line. I love the end.

Lost Boys: This has been stuck in my head since i had a dream about it and I finally wrote it into the new year. I hope you like it.

Mania: Not my favourite work, love ABO universe I just haven’t got an actually story line so it is on hold.

Incaceration: The story that never was, I really need to get around to this one.

Tagging: @moccahobi I know you wanted to tag me... but I am finished so I am tagging you.

[thewidowstanton]

The Widow’s best of 2020

Well… during a year when we haven’t been able to see many live shows we’ve still managed to find lots of things we loved. Here are some of them; live shows are indicated, otherwise we watched them online – our grateful thanks go to all the companies that streamed their productions for free – listened to them or read them. You’ll notice that our list includes lots of women and the occasional man.

But before that we start with a new category…

PERSON OF THE YEAR: Circus director Carol Gandey (pictured) of Gandeys Circus. If UK touring circus – an artform championed by The Widow’s Liz Arratoon for more than 25 years – is to survive Covid-19, it will be in large part to her. Gandeys had produced three shows before the UK’s March lockdown, two of which never had a chance to open, incurring hundreds of thousands of pounds in costs. It then provided accommodation and living expenses for 33 stranded artists, and meanwhile developed an air-flow working model for circus – trialling an opening at Butlins – which gave the government enough confidence to allow circuses to reopen with reduced seating capacities.  

Carol constantly lobbied the government and the Arts Council for aid – as did other industry figures – and her application to the Arts Council Recovery Fund, which was said to be exceptional, resulted in a £1.1 million grant; the largest amount awarded to any UK circus company. Gandeys used some of the money to cover the losses due to the lockdown, and to fund a survival package that included some reduced-capacity performances this autumn, as well as funding the production costs for reopening in 2021.

From one strong and inspirational woman to another…

BEST EXTRAVAGANZA: Rhianna’s Savage X Fenty Volume 2 TV special for her lingerie range. Wow! What a mix! This was an explosion of creativity; part fashion show, part dance show, part gig, part circus, part ad, and included a simply stunning floral set. Add a cast of big names, a wonderfully diverse choice of dancers and models, no expense had been spared. Exciting, fresh and really impressive.

BEST LIVE SHOW: Zebra, a solo show by juggling genius Wes Peden, which was part of the London International Mime Festival at the Southbank Centre’s Purcell Room.

BEST CIRCUS SHOW: The really inventive CAPAS by Circo Eia (pictured) – so great to see so many new ideas, and here’s our chat with cast member Francesca Lissia. Plus the intricate and dazzling Twenty Twenty by Gandini Juggling. 

BEST DANCE SHOW: Faust by the Ballets de Monte-Carlo, featuring the spectral Bernice Coppieters (pictured) as Death; and Cia de Dança Deborah Colker’s super-stylish Belle, inspired by the novel Belle de Jour.

BEST KIDS’ SHOW: Little Angel Theatre’s hat trilogy, presented by puppeteer Ian Nicholson; an adaptation of the picture books by Jon Klassen: I Want My Hat Back, This Is Not My Hat and We Found a Hat.

BEST COSTUME: The Widow has always considered costumes to be extremely important. As Federico Fellini said: “Don’t forget that costumes, like dreams, are symbolic communication,” and frankly we wish more artists would make the sort of effort Dua Lipa made on Saturday Night Live!

Staying with costumes… slightly less glamorous, but an effort was made by Hot Mess in party-sketch work-in-progress Dirty Stop Outs.

MOST EXCITING: Meeting Marina Abramović in the foyer at London’s Barbican before the Efterklang gig.

BEST SHOWGIRLS: Seen in the 1972 film Un Flic; costumes by Colette Baudot. Also featured is a stunning black dress, worn by Catherine Deneuve, designed by Yves Saint Laurent.

BEST BURLESQUE: Lady of Burlesque, starring Barbara Stanwyck, who wears costumes by the great Edith Head.

BEST FILM CREDITS: Sudden Fear, starring Joan Crawford as a scorned – but impeccably dressed – woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown! 

BEST CASTAWAY: Hard to choose between Rupert Everett, Ian Wright or Daniel Radcliffe, who all washed up on BBC Radio 4′s Desert Island Discs.

BEST SHOWBIZ STORY: Catherine Russell – on Outlook, BBC Radio 4 – who has played the same role for 32 years and said the same lines more than 13,000 times. She holds the world record for the most theatre performances in the same role; Margaret Thorne Brent – a psychiatrist who might also be a cold-blooded killer – in the off-Broadway play Perfect Crime.

BEST TV SERIES: It was a close call with The Queen’s Gambit, but our choice is the utterly brilliant My Brilliant Friend; the adaptation of Elena Ferrante’s series of Neapolitan novels. 

BEST DOCUMENTARY: The Bee Gees – How Can You Mend a Broken Heart.

BEST CABARET PIC: The ever-lovely Eve Ferret at the Crazy Coqs in London. Picture: @marc_t_albert 

BEST SHOWBIZ MEMOIR: John Cooper Clarke’s I Wanna Be Yours.

BEST SHOWBIZ BIOGRAPHY: Jon Gresham: The Life and Adventures of a Sideshow Showman, Fire-Eater and Magician by Edwin A Dawes, Pat Gresham and Jon Marshall. This is a painstakingly detailed and enthralling account of Gresham’s life, lovingly compiled by his widow and friends from material written by Gresham himself. Want one? Details below.

BEST SHOWBIZ AUTOBIOGRAPHY: The heartbreaking Everything and Nothing: The Dorothy Dandridge Tragedy by Dorothy Dandridge and Earl Conrad. The revealing autobiography of Hollywood’s first African-American sex symbol and screen legend.

BEST GIG: Sevdaliza’s only show this year, streamed live from The Hague's Koninklijke Schouwburg (Royal Theatre) to a global audience.

BEST SONG: Désormais by Charles Aznavour, which was used as the title track for the film Chambre 212 or On a Magical Night.

BEST ALBUM COVER: Charles Aznavour’s Désormais. That hat!

MOST CHARMING: The sheep invasion during Isabella Rossellini’s show Sex and Consequences, which was streamed live from her farm in Bellport, Long Island, USA. Yes, her live sheep! 

BEST TWITTER CIRCUS PIC: The stunning Crystal Pyramids by Severus posted by @PablosCircus.

BEST LIVE COMEDY: Myra Dubois – star of Britain’s Got Talent – at The Poodle Club in Sydenham. Some of us recognised the greatness of Rotherham’s finest before she was famous!

GONE TOO SOON: Actor Chadwick Boseman (pictured) at just 43, funnymen Eddie Large, Tim Brooke Taylor and Bobby Ball, and dancer, choreographer and actor Ann Reinking.

MOST MISSED: Davenports magic shop that closed at the end of January – but you luckily can still order from it online – and a more recent casualty, after 96 years, London’s beautiful Café de Paris.

MOST DISAPPOINTING: Madonna’s Madame X show at the London Palladium. Goodness, this was shoddy! She was so incapacitated that she simply marked all the dance moves and had to be helped around the set, and up and down the stairs. The tickets were exorbitantly expensive and no one paid to see someone hobbling about onstage. We paid to see Madonna!

But let’s not end on a sour note…

BEST SHOWBIZ MASK: Shirley Bassey’s fabulous sequinned number!

REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL: Some things we’re looking forward to include:  The 45th London International Mime Festival, which will be screening free-to-view videos of shows from past LIMF editions, running an extended workshop series with live and online classes, and hosting a series of talks.

We’re also awaiting the new series of Call My Agent, which starts on Netflix on 21 January 2021.

And, last but by no mean least, one of the world’s truly funny clowns, Gloria – also known as Mooky Cornish – has been busy training her chickens – Kukuruzza (pictured top), who has been taking piano lessons, and the athletic Galina – and will be touring the Canadian prairies with them next summer. Now that’s something we’d love to see! Picture: Nichole Huck

Better days ahead!

*Jon Gresham book is available via PayPal from jon@magiccarpettheatre.com: P&P incl, UK – £25, EU – £30, USA tracked – $52

[iliveinprocrasti-nation]

Hi! Wanna share your research on cannibalism? I literally know nothing on the subject. So if you have time, I’d love to learn more.

hi!!! i absolutely do want to share my research because this has been fascinating me for days. this is also likely not edited and just comes from my brain, so if something is confusing/incomprehensible/incorrect please tell me and i’ll do my best to fix it

to anyone who might see this: please don’t hesitate to tell me if you want a tag or another trigger warning on this post or the other (although i might end up making a blog for this type of stuff? my friends can only hear so much about epidemiology and cannibalism science and all that so tell me what you think about me making a sideblog for my interests). trigger warning for cannibalism, death, sickness, ulcers, necrosis, pus

The biggest issue with cannibalism come in the form of prions. Prions are made of a protein called PrP, which is found in perfectly healthy people. PrP^C is the normal protein that’s found in cell membranes (we don’t really know what PrP does, but it might have to do with the brain’s cell to cell communication). The infectious form of PrP is PrP^Sc (called a prion). Prions happen when PrP proteins fold over themselves, which messes up how the proteins connect to each other. Usually, your body will use enzymes to break down proteins, which would fix this problem, but prions are very much resistant to them. Prions also don’t have nucleic acid (DNA/RNA). Prion diseases can be hereditary, infectious, or sporadic (so they can run in the family, or you can contract them, or your PrP just decides one day to fold itself into a prion).

Cannibalism has to do more with the infectious prions. Prions, once they happen, start affecting other proteins like some really messed up game of group tag, causing them to fold and become prions as well, causing clumps of misfolded proteins in your brain (remember how I said they might have to do with brain communication? what we do know is that prion diseases really mess up your brain. i think prions can also be found in the nervous system as well so do with that what you will). From what I remember, these prion clumps can also damage and/or kill nerve cells, which leads to your brain getting these small holes, and becomes somewhat akin to a sponge when looked at under a microscope (prion diseases are also known as “spongiform encephalopathies” for a reason). The thing is, spongy brains with holes in them also means majour brain damage, which is seen in the symptoms. 

Speaking of prion disease symptoms, they are very much not fun (i looked these up btw, i haven’t memorised the specific symptoms yet). They progress, starting smaller and creating minor inconveniences, to progressing enough to be debilitating. There are:

Memory issues and dementia

Difficulty walking/balancing

Behaviour/psychological changes

Hallucinations

Muscle stiffness/loss of muscle control

Seizures

Vision problems

Confusion

Fatigue

Insomnia

Difficulty speaking/swallowing

I know what you might be thinking. “I want a specific example of a time cannibalism lead a prion disease enough to be an epidemic like you said in one of your other answers to an ask.” Well, welcome to kuru (which means “to shake” in the Fore language), a disease that ravaged through the Fore people of Papua New Guinea (who had a cultural practice of funerary cannibalism) and their neighbours. This epidemic peaked in the 1950s, when 2% of all Fore deaths were because of kuru (hitting women and children the hardest). At this time, it was the leading cause of death among women in the Fore. The fact it was only 2% of all deaths makes it seem small, but some villages “became almost devoid of women” (this quote is from an article from medical news today that i used to get the kuru symptoms and information, and it’s a really interesting read! https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/311277#Symptoms-of-kuru). The reason it hit women and children the hardest was because they were the ones who would prepare the bodies; also, men believed that, during conflict, eating human meat could weaken them, so they consumed less than women and children. Kuru has a pretty long asymptomatic period that lasts years, but once symptoms present themselves they progress much faster and can kill in only a couple months (symptoms can be present for up to two years before death, although that’s still less than half the time of the incubation period, if not 1/10 of the time). Once symptoms appear, there are three stages of symptom progression a person goes through. 

1. When symptoms are inconveniences:

Headaches

Joint pain

Shaking

Loss of balance

Speech deterioration

Loss of muscle control

2. When symptoms have bigger effects:

Inability to walk

Loss of muscle coordination

Severe tremors

Emotional instability (depression with outbursts of uncontrollable laughter)

3. When symptoms become severe

Inability to sit without support

Little to no muscle coordination

Inability to speak

Difficulty swallowing

Unresponsive to surroundings

Ulcerations (which will have necrosis, which is tissue death, and pus)

Symptoms lead to death, though the cause of death is usually pneumonia or severely infected pressures. This is no longer an issue for the Fore people, as the the practice was reduced. Kuru is likely extinct, and the last person is thought to have died from it in 2005.

So prion diseases have only had one epidemic, and they’re relatively rare, so why are they an issue? It’s because they can’t be cured, and (at this point in time) will always be fatal. They can be slowed, but symptoms will continue to progress. Remember how prions don’t have nucleic acid? This means they’re also resistant to radiation that would normally destroy/inactivate these types of things when enzymes might not be able to. There are usually about 350 new cases of prion diseases every year, so all things considered, they’re not common. However, cannibalism would almost certainly up the numbers. Cannibalism being a cultural practice is of course a more difficult subject, but I’m more here for the science. 

Note to people who might read this and might want to comment about how “cannibalism would fix overpopulation tho” or “oh cannibalism is so horrible and bad how could someone do that”: personally, the morality behind whether or not cannibalism is “good” or “bad” doesn’t especially matter to me since science has shown negative effects, so please don’t bring any of that onto this post.