thinking about this on my most recent rewatch
(gif source: ferndaphnia)
It can be kinda easy to get exasperated with Aziraphale sometimes for how much he’s struggling with what seem to us like really obvious moral non-dilemmas. How slowly and arduously he comes to the conclusion that Elspeth and other resurrectionists are meeting a need that polite society’s nonsensical arbitrary rules don’t yet have an answer for.
But this shot, this scene, just underlines to me how genuine and earnest his struggle is. He’s not being squeamish about graverobbing, like it offends his delicate sensibilities. He’s slowly unlearning some bullshit, and he comes by it honestly and is doing his best. He’s just learned that the contents of the glass jar in his hands are a tumor that was surgically removed from a 7 year old boy, who did not survive the ordeal. Look at his body language, look at his face (so much sorrow between those mutton chops!). If he were just squeamish, he would, idk, push the jar away from him, set it down, grimace. Not cradle it closer to his chest, as if it were the 7 year old boy he wishes he could comfort, as sadness and understanding washes over him.
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This creature has been smooched on her face and stuffed full of snacks <3
We qualified each rally obedience run (despite large areas requiring handler improvement <3) and finished the weekend with a 97, 84, and 97. This baby dog now has her Rally Advanced title!
(All rosettes were default as we were the only ones in our class.)
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Like OK so I've been reading a fic with trans wolfwood in it that is so. HONEST. About how it affected him and still affects him. In a way that's very much not an average cis writer portrayal of a trans character.
Like. Either this writer is trans or did plenty of research, but it just feels REAL to me. And it has me thinking about my own way of writing trans Wolfwood.
I'm not there yet. But I've been thinking about it. The ways that what the EOM did fucked him up... but it also acted as HRT that affirmed his gender. So what do you do when you're in a body you don't recognize, but looks much more like a man than ever before? There's some gender euphoria in a way, but dysphoria at the same time bc you didn't grow into this. You didn't watch yourself transition. Suddenly you just Were this, and it's not you, but also it's nice to finally be seen as a man, but it also feels wrong to feel grateful for any part of what they did to you...
On and on and on
You see? This is what I want to think about with him. This is why trans Wolfwood is so compelling to me. It's just so Complicated, he'd have such Complicated feelings about his body and the way he lives with it. He learns this new body, it starts to feel more like his, but he also mourns the fact that he didn't get to watch it grow into this like he should've.
That kind of thing.
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HIII THABK U FOR THE TRIVIA AND ASHE SONG before i take forever 2 answer those or forget here is a blank ticket to please please talk about prime defenders and their AWFUL emotional literacy and processing skills i would literally love to read that essay so much ive also been thinking about it incessantly. big eyes staring up at u.png. ok ok peace out GOODNIGHT !!!! <33
i lied actually im not going to bed im judt thinking about this ans listening to St. John on a loop now. hello catkiss.gif i forgot how youve filled me with so much joy. that cat is so fuckign cute
anyway. hi :) prime defenders huh. this is gonna be less of an essay and more of a sleepy ramble but ohhh i have so many thoughts. they all process things so differently and none of them are good at it they all need therapy so bad. ms.g where is the hero therapy why didnt you build that into w.a.t.c.h ma'am
vyncent is probably the best at actually processing things out of all of them, he just internalizes everything to the point where he wont talk about it unless hes pushed past the breaking point. vyncent is actually very.. emotionally intelligent? i want to say mature but that feels like im singling him out because hes the oldest. i just feel like because he grew up on Fauna and had to be in basically survival mode in a world full of monsters trying to kill you.. that makes a person grow up quicker than they should. i think vyncent had a good childhood and for the most part his parents took good care of him but just.. living in that world doesnt seem like it leaves room for a whole lot of expressing emotions. vyncent is good at quick analysis of a situation, but unless a problem directly interferes with the current goal he doesnt externalize it to everyone else. but bottling up his feelings and emotions just builds up pressure over time until something like the lich makes him blow up and let it all out at once, usually in a dramatic monologue format bc condi is really good at those god damn it. also they played off the fact that vyncent said all of that to the lich and then missed his attack as a funny thing but i like to think of it as. he got too overwhelmed w his emotions and lashed out too soon it made his fighting messy. vyncent is so angry and honestly after what hes been through he deserves to be !!!!
william wisp. my boy. god hes just like me fr so much so that it physically hurts sometimes. anyway. i always think back to the scene where theyre all in the cabin talking about themselves/sharing backstories and william keeps desperately trying not to talk about himself. the fact that hes so ashamed of his powers he hides wisp form every time. two of his powers are LITERALLY a) turning invisible and b) turning intangible, usually as an excuse to leave whatever situation hes in ("accidentally" falling through the floor at opportune moments in season 1) . theres. a thing that happens at the end of episode 13/beginning of epidode 14 that youre really close to and i wont spoil yet but god it has to do with this so extremely much please come back to my inbox when you get there. youll know what it is trust me. um. yeah. so anyway. i think a lot of this comes from a place of. he doesnt want anyone to be scared of him. williams not stupid hes incredibly smart and insightful he knows his powers are objectively SCARY. hes scared of himself constantly, he doesnt want anyone else to feel that way about him, so he shifts focus whenever those aspects of himself are brought up because if someone were to think about it for any amount of time theyd realize the truth that hes scary and dangerous to be around (<< william logic. hey remember how one of the reasons he originally left deadwood was because the monsters there were attracted to the wisps and therefore Him so he left to keep his friends/family out of danger)
i think a lot about williams death and the immediate aftermath, i dont know how much you actually know and how much of this comes later but . how does he go home after waking up from that. his parents know about his powers, so they MUST know what happened. what do you think he told them when he god home muddy and dirty and broken and probably bloody after being missing for. god knows how long. how does he look his mother in the eyes and tell her her little boy is dead. but hes also not because hes standing right in front of her. how the fuck do you think he felt the first time he went into wisp form and saw his body laying there !!! of course he wouldnt want to talk about that!!!! youre gonna have to pry william wisps emotions from his cold dead hands !!!!!!!
dakota's response to the ashe situation was to run away in the woods and do nothing but train for 10 months. he didnt think about it for 10 months. i dont even have a whole lot to say about dakota other than like. stunned silence whenever his inability to process trauma is brought up because grizzly does such an incredible job at being like "you ask dakota how hes doing and his face is just blank" << paraphrased actual quote from an episode i cannot remember which one. either 11 or 12 ?
also because im thinking about him im including ashe in this. we didnt get to see a whole lot of his canon reactions to extreme emotional situations so a lot of this is just coming from My Mind but ashe seems like hed be the type to repress a lot of his emotions too. being alone in your house/in your room for extended periods of time will do that to a guy. i think he feels a lot of things and will probably very openly cry/scream/get angry when hes alone but as soon as he knows another person is there he can immediately flip the switch to turn it all off like nothing happened. very much a deadpan "im fine." if someone asks how hes doing, even if hes got like. the remainder of tear tracks down his face. cannot physically express his emotions in the presence of someone else
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i read a fic recently and let me just say something
sensory tools do not need to be removed to “fully be present”
sensory tools do not mean you are not “living in the moment properly”
sensory tools make the moment tolerable so that you can live in the moment properly
i loved this fic otherwise, but this one comment left a rather sour taste in my mouth.
it was a violent slap to the face as someone sitting here day in and day out with their own headset on to dampen the noise of everyday life.
you can have alhaitham remove his headset. that’s not the issue.
this issue is making him out to be thoughtless and uncaring of others. an abnormality. that robot of a man blocking out the world because everything and everyone is needless and an annoyance.
this reflects right back on us.
alhaitham can fully enjoy an evening out with his friends with his headset. he does not need to take them off. know why? because if he did, it would all just be sound noise sound overwhelm pain get me out of here
again, i dare say, it makes the evening tolerable. so that he can be fully present, mentally and physically.
fuck right off with that ableist mindset
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wound dehiscence can quickly escalate to infection or even evisceration
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well. i finished ch 17 of hi3. but at what cost
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toronto day one update:
paul bellini sent me an email while i was on the drive up with the subject line "Toronto!" and the phrase "Let me know what's up so we can hang." he also invited me to a screening of a movie he cowrote that was never released called "hayseed" tomorrow and said "if you're here you must come." this is the most excitement i've ever seen in a paul email and i am living for it
bruce texted me last night to ask about my ETA and texted again while i was on the road. then when i got to toronto he told me to call him so we could discuss plans for this next week and when he picked up the phone he immediately went "is this my protégé?" and like even tho he calls me that all the time hearing his voice on the other end of the phone still made me super emotional like yep it's me we're in the same city now
long story short the guys are very happy to have me in canada again and i'm so happy that i almost started tearing up in the grocery store thinking about how supportive they are
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I just really want you all to know how much I appreciate you<33 seriously without you guys I wouldn't be able to explore max as much as I do. You are all so lovely, and wonderfully talented, and I am so grateful to have you as mutuals, and honored to interact with most of you. Some I just watch from afar bc , god the talent is just so intimidating BUT I truly adore all of you sm!!
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hiii uh. dunno if this will make any sense, im kinda just throwing my thoughts at you
OKAY. so. been thinking about kuron(again) and the thing im just realising how ALONE he is, at least at the beggining. the people he thought of as his family fucking KILLED him, stole his body, and then basically forgot about him for YEARS. and after being ressurected- like, in the first few days, weeks, months- did kuron had ANY support? anyone to lean on?? to help him adjust to being alive again?
i know he starts to meet new people and make friends, and thats great! but. at the beggining....... lance was in a coma 'n shit, team voltron propably wasnt too enthusistic about helping kuron, and it just hit me that, at least the way i understand it(i might be wrong), he had to figure EVERYTHING out by himself
thats FUCKED dude
Oh god yes!!! To be honest i dont really have like a detailed idea for this part of the story like at best i have this one idea where Veronica is the first one to find him. Like in my head Veronica has been trying to track down Lance cause he ran away/didnt give the address once he moved out, isnt picking up his goddamn phone and literally dropped from the face of the earth and she cant find a trace of him. That was until apparently Lance?? 'Attacked' Shiro?? Like Shiro's fine just fainted and on bedrest and according to Curtis, Lance was saying something about "he is still in there" before apparently using Magic?? Somehow?? And taking something? From Shiro?? Yeah Veronica has no fucking clue. But a lead is a lead and she was able to track down Lance's new home only to find 1) a guy butt fuck naked coming out of a quintessence filled tub like the girl from Shining and who looks a bit like her boss. 2) her brother unconscious. She instinctly about to pull a gun on him except Kuron just slips and hits the floor, so now Veronica has two men she needs to drag to a hospital. Joy.
So like yeah Kuron's first stranger-to-acquintance-to-friend is Veronica. She neither has the history of All That™ the others have with Kuron, knows a bit about the clone situation to not be weirded out by it, but also doesnt really care about the whole Evil Clone thing™, cause i am so sorry but she has seen this man fall on his face first 5 times and counting, cry over a fridge ad that had kittens in it, and try to name himself Frank Shelley, even if he somehow becomes Evil~ Veronica is sure she can just Take him down easily, and like what is she supposed to do? Just leave him? He clearly has even less of an idea what is going on and she cant in good conscience leave him like this.
And thing is that Veronica does want to support Kuron, because he deserves that! It's the right thing to do and he deserves that! But at the start he really is a stranger to her and Lance is more of a priority to her than he is, and he is like one of the only leads that explains what is going on with Lance. And while she wont admit this but Kuron can tell and like logically He Gets That™!! He Gets That™!!! And he wants to help Lance too!! But he's also someone who is used and thrown away by everyone around him and this shit hurts like hell. Like this is a recipe of disaester for both of them and will result in a shouting match but right now Kuron is too high on pain meds and pain of being alive again to truly get into it so.
So like physically he isnt really alone in figuring this out, Veronica is trying to help him as much as she can help him, and the hospital staff she dragged him to are really nice to him as well. Emotionally......well there is effort. Vero is trying! Heck she even defended him when Shiro suggested they should lock him up cause he was a danger to everyone and is evil. She is trying but she also has her own trauma, whatever is going on with Lance, her family having separation anxiety, her job, etc etc and she can only do so much, and like Kuron is also trying but he is also dealing with so much and pushing it into the back burner and my guy is just not having great time at all. So like yeah he did had to figure out so much himself
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now bc of that one post abt zelda getting fridged whenever that one guy directs a zelda game im thinking abt tetra just getting turned to stone in ph and like. what would it have been like if she were an actual character in ph. what would she have done how would this have changed the story
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bar exam in 8 days. i am so scared lmfao
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in all seriousness i do genuinely think that kyrie has much more potential as a character than just being “the normal one.” like idk idk but with everything she’s gone through it just feels a bit ?? to me for her to be characterized as like...the only normal one, absolutely normal, nothing to see here, with few struggles and is perfectly happy to be the emotional support for everyone else with no issue.
i think she has the potential to be much more interesting and just putting her down as “the normal one” really doesn’t do that potential justice. like personally i think kyrie should be allowed to be scared, angry, weird, exhausted, trying the best she can and having to choose kindness and finding strength in that compassion over and over again not bc i think she deserves to struggle but bc i think she deserves to be like. an actual person
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Amen aka "let it be so" but not as a prayer or a plea or an expression of peace, but as a horrific, pyrrhic surrender. As anger and desperation. As a, I give up. Fine. You win. Just make it stop.
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