#and I spent time to think those out and choose the words carefully

[alvie2alive]

PANS: As Told By the First Lines of My Journal Entries - an original poem

Some context: I've had PANS (Pediatric Acute-Onset Neuropsychiatric Syndrome) since 2015, but was only diagnosed in 2023. I've been journaling since 2014, when I was 7/8, and I still journal now. I developed PANS after getting Lyme disease in 2015, and then it had a whole second rebound in early 2020 after getting Strep.

Each line is the first line of a different journal entry, in mainly chronological order.

Here's a review of my day. Today is SPARKLY! I've been feeling really bad for the past four to five days now. I'm not sure when or if I'll feel better.

Today I'm seeing what other girls aren't supposed to be seeing. And I'm kind of obsessed with perfect and even numbers. Today was almost THE WORST DAY EVER.

There's so many things I want to say, but I can't. Today was meh. Happy Valentine's Day! I have strep throat. Today was pretty good, other than waking up to a thunderstorm at 5:45a.m.

I woke up today and I was depressed. So I quit gymnastics. Today's been pretty good. So I found a band called Mayday Parade. Yes, I know it's really late, or early, I guess. Yes, I'm actually writing this sometime other than nighttime!

Hey! I still don't feel that good. I don't feel good. Hey! I'm scared. Hey. I don't feel good.

I'm so sorry I haven't written in so long! So... a lot happened. Hey. I didn't sleep again last night. Today is the last day of classes for the week. I haven't been feeling that good lately.

Don't really know what to write. I'm so tired. I don't really know what to say... I'm so tired.

I'm really tired. I went to therapy tomorrow. I don't know what's going on. My head hurts.

Someday I'll look at the sky and see color again. You know what's sad? It's about my feelings of being trapped here. It's weird to think that I don't know what normal is. I can feel myself going insane. Black figure at end of hallway by bathroom.

I slept well last night. I wanna go home so fucking bad. I should be getting out soon. Bored. Hey. I hate my life. I need to run.

It's been a while. I still feel bad. Letter to the sky: Hey.

I feel so guilty. I'm so tired of not being treated like a human being. I ended up having the best day today after all! Today wasn't super eventful.

Hi!! I feel so horrible. I was really anxious at school today, just the whole time. I hate myself. I'm nervous. Holy shit. There's this dream I have. I had such an amazing day yesterday, nothing happened, so why am I so depressed?

I feel like I'm going insane. I hate myself. I am okay. I stayed home from school today because I was too tired to go. I skipped 7th period today. I showered and brushed my teeth.

Last day of school!! One more thing. I feel like I'm going insane. Why can't I feel anything? I think I've slept maybe 3 hours last night. Alright.

I wish I could be a gas. It's not even noon yet and I'm already sore and tired. God, what am I doing? I'm crying.

The new doctor that we found in Washington only sees patients under 16. What are we even fighting for anymore? It feels like I'm being weighed down by a thousand rocks.

I'm not going down without a fight. I feel like I'm just some hopeless disabled kid trying to be something I'm not. I'm scared. It's weird. I'm scared.

I feel like I always blend into the background. I feel really horrible right now. I don't want to be calm. I feel like shit. Why is nothing I do ever good enough? Everything's wrong. I'm getting tired of pretending. I don't know why I can't just get out of bed.

Alright.

The walk yesterday went well. How do people go in public like it's nothing? I feel so confused today. Things are so fuzzy. I feel not here.

Hey! Bad news. I still haven't left. I want to unrealize this. I had an AMAZING night. My brain is so scattered, and my memory sometimes just randomly lapses. I had an amazing day! I hate that I want to go home.

I'm not okay. My arms hurt so bad from the blood draw yesterday. I had therapy today.

I had a weird day today. I've been feeling weird all day. I feel so weird.

I spent most of the day biking around town. I stayed home sick today. Things I Love: I'm so burnt out. I feel so alone. I love the sky so much.

I'm upset. I stayed home. I just felt like writing this in pink. Oh, I also got my Letterman jacket yesterday! I cried today.

New journal!! I'm so bored, so you're getting more music stuff! I finally figured out what to put on my grad cap! School went fine today. Things are rough. I stayed home sick yesterday.

Graduation day!! So, a lot happened. I'm feeling a lot better today! Hey. I don't like it here. So that was horrible. This is so fucked.

Reasons to stay alive: Things have been hard recently. Today has been... a lot. Today kinda sucked. Today kinda sucked.

I went to the walk-in today. I feel so lonely. Today kinda sucked.

Not much to write about today. I'm so tired, but I'm afraid to sleep.

Hi! I feel so empty. I think I'm uncomfortable being human. I don't even know where to start or how to describe how I'm feeling. I had a dream. I feel awful. Nevermind.

I'm not writing in here as much anymore. I'm so dissociated and I can't get out of it.

I got back from the doctor's about an hour and 15 mins ago, and I have so many papers. I just want to be healthy. I'm so fucking done. But I'll be okay. I hate this. Just... everything is so hopeless. Sometimes it's like my younger self is hurting and not me. How did I end up like this?

I have been awake for 3 days. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Sometimes it's easy. I can't do this anymore.

I prayed last night. I hate myself. I love putting smiles on people's faces. I just want to feel fine for one day. I love being here for people. Everything's wrong.

Once again, I'm awake in the middle of the night, scared. I'm sad. What the fuck. I have no idea how to start this off, this is me attempting to explain how I feel right now, and probably failing. I think the only reason I'm alive is because of hope.

"To Whom It May Concern: I have been treating Alvie since mid-September 2023." I want to go into a coma and wake up when I'm better. I want to slip into a coma and wake up when I'm better.

I didn't recognize myself in the mirror today, either. I want to be healthy. How the actual fuck was this past week even real.

I haven't been feeling good for the past 3 days. I had a bit of a cold, or allergies, or something today. I'm still out of it. Life is getting unbearable right now. I feel so heavy. I am not doing well. I'm so tired of being sick. It's been a week.

Why can't I just be okay?

[readwritealldayallnight]

There are less than ten minutes left until midnight when you realize you can’t find Ghost anywhere

The local bar you and the rest of the 141 are visiting tonight is packed tight, on account of it being only a few minutes before the new year

The Lieutenant had mentioned stepping out for a smoke a while back, but had yet to return to the table you were all occupying

It was silly, but a small part of you had been harbouring some hope that you might get a kiss at midnight this year

It wouldn’t be so silly, if you were hoping to have that kiss with anyone other than Ghost

And yet, that was exactly the man you’d had your eye on all night and all year if we’re being honest-

“I’m going to run to the ladies room really quick.” You murmur quickly, hopping out of your bar stool before anyone can realize you’re slipping away, their attention focused on some story Soap is recounting enthusiastically

You work your way through the densely packed crowd until you make it to the back entrance, finding the door propped open with a brick

Carefully pushing it open and poking your head out, you scan your gaze around the back alley until your eyes land on none other than the tall, dark figure of your Lieutenant, leaning against the brick wall a ways down further away from the light, the smoke from his cigarette wafting from his hand

Wordlessly, you make your way towards him, his attention never straying from the hole he’s currently staring into the wall ahead of him, even as you step up next to him and lean your own shoulders against the bricks

Only when you let out a small sigh does his head instinctually turn towards you, even just the slightest fraction, and he slightly raises his cigarette towards you in offering, bringing it up to his own lips to inhale when you shake your head

You can’t help the way your eyes naturally follow the movement, zeroing in on the pair of lips you’ve spent so much time thinking about and such little time ever seeing with your own two eyes

You’re certain it must be the liquid courage still running through you that prompts you to speak up, otherwise you don’t think you’d ever be brave or foolish enough to look him in the eyes and say, “Hey Ghost, when was the last time you had a midnight kiss?”

You only know he’s heard you because he cuts off his inhale abruptly, eyes snapping towards you, exposing his genuine surprise for only a split second before he’s recovering already, pulling the cigarette from his mouth and letting the smoke out, taking those precious seconds to absorb your words, before carefully choosing to say:

“What are you fuckin’ goin’ on about now?”

“You know,” you quickly reply before you can feel too embarrassed to back down. “A kiss. On New Years Eve. At midnight. People do it all the time. When was the last time you-”

“Never.” He replies bluntly, throwing his cigarette butt onto the ground next to him, stomping it out with his boot before turning to face you fully

“Oh. Really? Because I-”

“Is tha’ what you came all the way out here abou’? A bloody kiss at midnight?” A chill runs down your spine at the sound of Ghost’s rough, Manchester accent just uttering the word kiss. Your eyes are locked on his lips as they form around the word, failing to notice how his own eyes are now glancing down at your own mouth

“Fuckin’ hell- come here then.” He playfully rolls his eyes before pushing off the wall, taking the small step it takes to close the distance between you, his one hand coming to pull his mask up just a little further until it’s resting over the bridge of his nose, while his other hand is slipping behind the back of your head, fingers threading through your hair as he pulls you towards him without hesitation

Your hands land on his shoulders, reaching up on your tip toes when he slots his lips over yours, just as you hear the crowd inside the bar chanting, “…three, two one, happy new year!”

You’re not sure which are louder, the fireworks erupting outside on the streets or the ones going off in your head as you kiss Ghost back

Before you know it, he’s pulling away from you, leaving you breathless where you stand

He allows himself one last glance down at your lips before he’s pulling his balaclava back into place, reaching an arm around your waist to turn you back around towards the propped door

“Come on, pretty. You’ll catch a cold. Ya didn’t take my jacket I left for ya.” He says, paired with a sneaky smack to your ass as he leads you back inside, where there are three men waiting, and though they’d been occasionally entertaining other women throughout the night, they each had realized they couldn’t find you as midnight approached

[gguk-n]

hey could you maybe write a lando x reader where when it was clear that lando lost the championship the reader just comforts him but he is distancing himself from her but she doesn’t give up on him so pls a happy end ❤️

established relationship, not very angsty, short

My World Champion

Things had been rough between the pair for a few months. With the mounting pressure on Lando to perform had left him pushing all those close to him away. He wasn't very happy with it but he felt like maybe he could focus better. The person who had to deal with the brunt of Lando's distance was his girlfriend, Y/N. They'd been together for a while and friends for longer. They just got each other like no other but lately Y/N felt like she didn't know Lando as well as she used to.

Y/N did try to bring up the distance. It was Azerbaijan, "Lan, don't you think we barely talk" Y/N spoke slowly, trying to start a conversation with her boyfriend who was sat across from her on the sofa. He didn't bother to even look up, "What's there to talk about when I'm busy trying to win a championship. Let me focus" he huffed. "I didn't mean it like that. I just thought we could spend some time together" Y/N trailed off. "We are sat together right now. How much more time do you want to spend with me?" Lando sighed and finally looked up from his laptop. "I just" she felt her voice die in her throat. 'I don't remember the last time we kissed Lan' her brain thought as she got up and left the room before another fight ensued.

It was during the winter break when things were starting to look up. Lando had just won the Singapore GP, he was more attentive and present; they even cuddled the whole day. Y/N thought that she had her boyfriend back. Oh how wrong she was because as soon as they were back on track; Lando was back to square one. The Austin loss hit deep, making Lando double down on strategising and spending every waking hour with the team or thinking about Formula One. It was like he forgot Y/N existed or for that matter himself. She would sit there and stare at her boyfriend who looked more and more like a stranger with each passing day.

Things had become rocky between them. She felt the divide growing with each passing weekend. Mexico wasn't any better. But Brazil landed a huge blow to Lando. He shut down, he stopped talking to anyone and spent all his time scrolling on his phone. There was nothing she could do without Lando walking out or shutting the door on her face. So, she sat and waited. She would cook his favourite food or leave out his favourite snacks to munch on. But she didn't make much break through on him; as he still chooses to stay reserved, opting to carry the burden alone.

It was after the Las Vegas quali, when Y/N noticed the light begin leave Lando's eyes. All she could offer were words and cuddles but Lando had put up a wall between them. The bed seemed too big for the two of them with either on each side. She stared at the space in between them wondering when it had gotten this big.

After the race, Y/N sighed a sigh of relief. The Championship battle was over and that meant she got her Lando back. She saw glimpses of him when he congratulated Max and couldn't wait to jump into his arms. But it was like Lando was back, just not for her.

That night, they spent it like any other, on either side of the bed. But as Y/N tried to fall asleep, she felt the bed shake. On further inspection, she saw Lando's frame quietly shaking from the sobs as he tried to not make any noise. Her heart hurt watching him, she slowly scooted over causing Lando to stop crying for a moment. She wrapped her arm around his torso and buried her head in his neck. "I love you, my world champion" she whispered causing Lando to turn around. His face was streaked with tears which she carefully wiped off. "I don't like it when you cry" she muttered and pecked his lips. "I thought you fell asleep" Lando mumbled. "Can't sleep without my cuddles" she quipped. "But, I'm not the world champion" was all he muttered, remembering her first comment. "For the world, no. For me, always" she smiled. Lando searched her eyes for anything, but all he found was undeterred love. "And you're not angry?" he asked. "No. I'm happy to watch you compete for the championship because I know, sooner or later you'll win it. Just waiting for that day" she reassured. "I'm sorry for being a dick. I was just" Lando spoke before she cut him off, "over whelmed. I know. But you didn't have to do it all alone. What am I here for?" she spoke tenderly. "I love you" he whispered kissing her for the first time in a long time. "I love you too, muppet" she whispered back. He looked at her for a long time as his hands pulled her closer, running along her frame; "What would I do without you?" he asked. "Crash and burn" she chided. "Agreed" he mumbled pulling her in for another kiss. "You alway know how to make me happy" he mumbled in between kisses. "Only when you listen to me. Otherwise you're Mr Grumpy" she chuckled. "I promise not to be Mr Grumpy anymore" he laughed kissing her again. "Next time I'm grumpy, kiss me. I think all my worries melt away with your kisses" he said pressing her against him. "So, the next time you start an argument, I'm gonna kiss you" she said cupping his cheeks. "Best way to end an argument" he smiled pressing their foreheads together. "I won't disagree" she kissed him again, making up for all the lost time.

[k2padfoot]

Shadows of the Past

Rafe Cameron x Y/n

summary: After escaping an abusive ex, you find love and safety with Rafe, your best friend turned boyfriend. When your ex’s obsession escalates into violence, Rafe does what he has to, to save you.

warnings: TW!! Domestic violence, violence, fights, blood, lots of angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, soft rafe.

notes: yall this is a long one, i should’ve made it two parts but oops! i promise it’s worth it<3

You stared out the window of your condo, watching as the rain tapped rhythmically against the glass. The mug of tea in your hands had gone cold, forgotten in your grip. Across the room, Rafe moved easily in the kitchen, his voice filling the space as he hummed some tune he’d probably heard on Spotify earlier.

“Found them!” he called out, holding up the coffee filters he’d been hunting for.

You smiled despite the weight in your chest. Rafe’s presence was a warm blanket on a freezing night—comforting, grounding, and so unlike the chaos you’d known before. Being with him was the first time in over a year you felt like you could breathe, even if it was still shallow at times.

He turned, coffee filters in hand, and grinned at you. “What are you thinking about over there?”

You blinked, quickly forcing a wider smile. “Nothing. Just tired.”

He frowned slightly, walking over and sitting next to you on the couch. His arm draped over your shoulders as he studied you with those piercing blue eyes. “You sure? You’ve been kinda quiet today.”

“I’m fine, Rafe,” you assured him, leaning into his touch. “Promise.”

He didn’t look entirely convinced, but he didn’t push. That was something you appreciated about him, Rafe always gave you the space to open up on your own time. You’d never felt pressured, never felt the looming weight of expectations. It was so different from what you’d known before.

Your ex, Jack, was charming at first, in the way that all toxic men are. He’d swept you off your feet with grand gestures, sweet texts, and a charisma that felt like sunlight after years of loneliness. For a while you thought you’d found everything you ever wanted.

But the cracks began to show. Slowly at first—a comment about the way you dressed, a critique of how you spent your time. Then came the accusations, the jealousy that lurked behind every question, and the sharp words that cut you down whenever you didn’t comply. But the worst part came when his anger turned physical. No matter how hard you tried to avoid conflict—carefully choosing your words, keeping your tone soft, doing everything you could to keep the peace—it was never enough. The smallest mistake, the slightest misstep, would ignite a storm. And once his temper reached that breaking point, you knew you’d bear the brunt of it.

By the end, you were a shadow of yourself, constantly walking on eggshells, wondering how to avoid setting him off. Even after you’d finally found the courage to leave, Jack hadn’t made it easy. He’d called, texted, begged for forgiveness, and then turned cold when you didn’t respond.

It took months before the calls stopped and even longer before you felt safe again. And after months of constructing walls around your heart, letting Rafe in was nothing short of terrifying.

Rafe had been a part of your life for as long as you could remember—your best friend, your rock, the one person you could always rely on. But then came Jack. Jack saw what you and Rafe had, the unshakable bond, the quiet understanding, and he couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t stand him.

So, out of fear, you drifted away. You stopped hanging out with Rafe, stopped calling him, stopped being his friend.. But not because you wanted to, but because Jack made sure you felt you had no choice.

And when you finally broke free from Jack, Rafe was there. He didn’t question you, didn’t get angry or demand explanations. He didn’t judge you for pulling away. Instead, he met you with patience and understanding, quietly reminding you why he had always been the one person you could trust.

He was everything Jack wasn’t. Rafe never raised his voice, never made you feel small. When you told him about your hesitancy to date again, he’d nodded, saying simply, “Take your time. I’ll be here.” And he had been.

You’d let him in, piece by piece, until it felt natural to have him in your life. He made you laugh, made you feel like you were worth something. He’d brought light into the dark places you thought would never see the sun again.

That light, however, had begun to dim in the last few weeks, ever since Jack resurfaced.

It started with the texts. You didn’t recognize the numbers, but the messages were unmistakable:

I miss you darling.

We really need to talk.

You can’t ignore me forever.

At first, you’d brushed it off. Blocked the numbers and pretended it was nothing. But then you started seeing him.

The first time was outside your work. You were on your way out of the office, when you spotted a familiar figure across the street. Jack leaned casually against a black car, his eyes locked on you. Your heart stopped, and for a moment, you considered calling someone—Rafe, maybe, or your coworker Liz. But you didn’t. Instead, you ducked back inside and pretended to be busy until he left.

The second time was worse. You were at the grocery store, balancing a bag on your hip while fumbling for your keys, when you felt it, that prickling sensation on the back of your neck. Turning, you spotted the black car parked at the end of the lot. You couldn’t see inside, but you didn’t need to.

The worst part was how easily you fell back into old habits. You locked yourself in your condo, closed the blinds, and tried to convince yourself it was nothing. And when Rafe came over later that night, you acted like everything was fine.

“Good day at the work?” he’d asked, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Yeah,” you lied, your smile forced but convincing enough.

You hated lying to him. Rafe deserved the truth, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him. The thought of dragging him into Jack’s mess made you sick. So you kept it to yourself.

Even when Jack showed up at your office.

You were alone, finishing some paperwork when the chime above the door rang. Your stomach dropped as Jack strolled in, his eyes scanning the room before settling on you.

“Hi darling,” he said, his voice calm and casual. “Long time no see.”

“What are you doing here?” you demanded, gripping the desk to steady yourself.

“I just wanted to talk,” he replied, taking a step closer. “You’ve been ignoring me.”

“I have nothing to say to you,” you said, your voice shaking.

His expression darkened, but before he could respond, Liz walked in. Jack’s mask slipped back into place, and he gave you a pointed look before turning to leave.

You thought about telling Rafe that night. You almost did. But the words caught in your throat, and you convinced yourself it wasn’t worth worrying him.

It wasn’t until the night Jack broke into your condo that you realized you couldn’t keep hiding.

The sound of the window sliding open woke you instantly, the rush of cold air sending a chill down your spine. At first, you thought it was a dream, but then you felt Rafe stir beside you.

“What was th—” he mumbled, his voice groggy but alert.

You both turned toward the window, your heart stopping when you saw the shadowy figure climbing inside.

“Stay here,” Rafe ordered, his voice sharp as he slid out of bed.

But you couldn’t move, frozen as Rafe crossed the room. The intruder froze, too, his eyes meeting Rafe’s before narrowing.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Rafe muttered, his voice low and furious.

It was Jack.

Before you could process what was happening, Rafe lunged. The room filled with the sound of fists colliding, furniture scraping against the floor, and Jack’s muffled curses.

“Rafe, stop!” you cried, scrambling out of bed to grab your phone and call 911.

Rafe didn’t stop until Jack was slumped against the wall, clutching his face.

“Why the fuck is he here?” Rafe demanded, turning to you.

Your mouth opened, but no words came out.

“Y/N,” he pressed, his voice softer now. “What the hell is going on?”

And that’s when you broke. The tears came fast and uncontrollably, and before you knew it, you were spilling everything. The texts, the car, the nights you’d spent too afraid to sleep.

Rafe listened in silence, his jaw tight and his hands curling into fists at his sides. When you finished, he shook his head.

“You should’ve told me,” he said, his voice steady but filled with something dangerous.

“I didn’t want to drag you into this,” you whispered.

“That’s not your call,” he said, stepping closer and cupping your face in his hands. “You’re mine, Y/N. No one’s gonna hurt you while I’m around. You hear me?”

You nodded, tears streaming down your face as the distant wail of sirens grew louder. Regardless of what just happened, you felt a flicker of hope. Because with Rafe by your side, maybe, just maybe—you weren’t as alone as you thought.

Rafe had been relentless in his efforts to keep you safe since the break-in. Every morning, he was parked outside your place before sunrise, his truck rumbling softly as he waited to drive you to work. Even if you told him you could handle it, he didn’t waver.

“No chance,” he’d said the first time you brought it up. “I’m not letting you deal with this alone.”

You tried to argue, but his resolve was unshakable. He made sure to stay involved in every part of your routine: texting you during your shifts, picking you up without fail, and spending every night either at your place or having you stay with him.

At night, he held you close, his warmth and steady breathing lulling you into the first semblance of peaceful sleep you’d had in weeks. But no matter how safe you felt with Rafe, a part of you couldn’t shake the fear that Jack was still out there, lurking in the shadows.

And you were right, Jack wasn’t gone.

You saw him again a week later.

It was during your shift, just as you were finishing up with a client. When you glanced up at the window, your stomach dropped. Across the street, parked under the dim glow of a streetlight, was the black car.

You couldn’t see his face, but you knew it was him. The way the car sat idling, its headlights off, was enough to send a chill down your spine.

You stepped back from the window, your hands trembling as you tried to focus on anything but the car. The rational part of you screamed to call Rafe, but you didn’t. He’d been doing so much for you already—driving you everywhere, checking in constantly, ensuring you were never alone. You didn’t want to be a burden.

You convinced yourself it was fine. Jack wouldn’t try anything again. Not after what Rafe had done to him that night.

But the sightings continued.

Every few days, the black car would appear, parked across the street from your work or down the block from your condo. And the texts—always from new numbers—started up again.

You can’t hide from me Y/n.

I’ll make you see that we belong together. You’re mine, don’t forget that.

Each time, you blocked the number and deleted the messages, determined not to let him win. You told yourself that ignoring him would make him go away. That he’d get tired eventually.

You didn’t tell Rafe about any of it. He’d done so much already, and you couldn’t bear the thought of adding to his worries. Besides, you convinced yourself that Jack was just trying to scare you. He wouldn’t actually do anything.

You were wrong.

It was a Thursday night when everything changed.

Rafe had called earlier to tell you he’d be late. He rarely stayed late at work, always finding a way to pawn off extra shifts or swap with a coworker. But tonight, it wasn’t possible.

“I’m so sorry, babe,” he said over the phone, frustration heavy in his voice. “I tried to get out of it, but I’m the only one here tonight.”

“It’s okay,” you reassured him. “I’ll be fine. You don’t need to worry.”

“I don’t like leaving you alone,” he muttered.

“You’ve already done so much for me, Rafe,” you said softly. “It’s one night. I’ll lock all the doors and windows, and I’ll be asleep by the time you get here. Promise.”

He sighed heavily. “Alright. But I’m calling you as soon as I leave work, and you better pick up.”

“I will,” you said with a small laugh.

After hanging up, you went about your nightly routine, double-checking the locks and closing all of the blinds. By the time you stepped into the shower, you felt more relaxed, the hot water washing away the stress of the day.

But you failed to notice the bathroom window was left unlocked.

It was nearly 12:30 a.m. when the loud bang jolted you awake. You sat up in bed, your heart racing as you strained to listen. For a moment, all was silent. Then you heard it, the creak of a floorboard just outside your bedroom

Panic gripped you as the door swung open, revealing Jack.

His face was contorted with fury, his eyes wild as they locked onto you. “Get up,” he hissed, stepping closer.

You froze, your body paralyzed with fear.

“Get up!” he snarled, his voice rising. “Or I swear, I’ll kill him. I’ll find Rafe and I’ll kill him.”

The mention of Rafe sent a jolt through you. Your mind raced, trying to figure out what to do. Jack was bluffing—you were sure of it. But the rage in his eyes made you hesitate.

Slowly, you swung your legs over the side of the bed, your hand brushing against the lamp on your nightstand.

Jack was too focused on his anger to notice as you gripped the base of the lamp. Summoning every ounce of courage, you swung it with all your strength, the sound of glass shattering filling the room as it struck his head.

He stumbled back, clutching his face, but his fury only grew.

“You stupid bitch,” he growled, lunging at you.

He grabbed you by the arm, throwing you to the ground with a force that had your head cracking against the floorboards. He straddled you, his fists colliding with your face in a brutal rage.

“You think you can just leave me?” he spat, his voice venomous. “You think you’re safe with him?”

The blows left you disoriented, pain radiating through your body. But the adrenaline coursing through you gave you enough strength to knee him in the balls.

Jack let out a guttural cry, rolling off you, and you scrambled to your feet, desperate to escape.

But he was faster.

His hand shot out, grabbing a fistful of your hair and yanking you back down. This time, he wrapped his hands around your neck, his thumbs pressing hard against your windpipe.

“You really fucked up darling,” he hissed, his face inches from yours.

You clawed at his hands, gasping for air as the world around you began to blur. Your vision darkened, and in that moment, you accepted death.

Then the door burst open.

Rafe stood in the doorway, his face a mixture of shock and fury. In an instant, he was across the room, ripping Jack off of you with a strength you’d never seen before.

“You’re never gonna lay a fucking hand on her again,” Rafe growled, his voice low and dangerous.

Jack barely had time to react before Rafe’s fist connected with his face. The room filled with the sound of flesh hitting flesh as Rafe unleashed his rage, pummeling Jack with a fury that left you trembling.

“Rafe!” you croaked, your voice hoarse from the assault. “Stop! Please!!”

Rafe froze at the sound of your voice, your cry cutting through his rage like a blade. His fist hovered in the air, knuckles already raw and bloodied, as his gaze shifted to you. Jack lay crumpled and unmoving on the floor, but Rafe didn’t look back at him again.

He was at your side in an instant, his eyes wide and frantic as he took in your bruised and battered face. “Y/n,” he breathed, his voice trembling. “Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay.”

You tried to nod, muttering out a faint, “Yeah,” as tears streamed down your cheeks. But your body felt weak, your vision blurring at the edges. Rafe’s hands cupped your face, his thumbs gently brushing away your tears as he rambled.

“I’m so sorry. This is my fault—I should’ve been here,” he choked out. His voice cracked with guilt as he frantically looked over your injuries. “I should’ve protected you.”

You tried to shake your head, your lips parting to reassure him. “It’s not your fault, Rafe—”

But the words barely escaped before the room started spinning, the world growing dim. You slumped against him, your body going limp as unconsciousness took over.

“Y/n?” Rafe’s voice was high-pitched now, panicked. “No, no, no. Stay with me!” He shook you gently, his hands cradling your lifeless form as tears filled his eyes.

The sound of sirens outside grew louder, but Rafe barely registered it, too focused on you. “Come on, baby, open your eyes,” he begged, his voice breaking. “Please don’t leave me!”

When the paramedics rushed in, they had to forcefully pull him away from you. “Let us work!” one of them barked, but Rafe fought against their hands, unwilling to let you go.

“She’s not breathing right! Help her!” he shouted, his voice raw with fear.

The medics worked quickly, loading you onto a gurney and securing you for transport. Rafe followed close behind, ignoring their attempts to hold him back.

“You can’t ride with her,” one of the paramedics said firmly, blocking his path. “We need you to stay here—those hands need treatment too.”

“I don’t give a shit about my hands!” Rafe yelled, his voice thick with desperation. “She’s all that matters!”

Eventually, he relented enough to follow in his truck, but the second you arrived at the hospital, Rafe was back by your side. He pushed past nurses and doctors, ignoring their protests as they wheeled you into the emergency room.

“Sir, you need to wait outside,” one of the doctors said sharply, stepping in his path.

Rafe didn’t listen. “Is she going to be okay? Please just tell me she’s going to be okay!”

“She’s critical,” the doctor replied, moving swiftly. “She might have a brain bleed. We need to get her into surgery now.”

The words hit Rafe like a punch to the gut. He froze, his hands trembling as he watched them wheel you away.

One of the nurses gently guided him back, urging him to sit. “We’ll keep you updated, but you need to let them work.”

For the first time since the nightmare began, Rafe let himself collapse into the nearest chair. His bloodied hands hung limp at his sides, his mind consumed by a single thought: you had to be okay. You just had to be.

The bright lights of the hospital waiting room buzzed softly above him as he sat, motionless. The metallic scent of his own blood clung to his hands, but he didn’t care. Nurses had already tried to approach him, insisting he get his knuckles cleaned and bandaged, but he’d waved them off every time. His focus wasn’t on himself, it was on you.

The minutes crawled by, turning into hours, and every horrible possibility ran through Rafe’s mind. What if the surgery didn’t work? What if you didn’t wake up? What if he’d walked in just a second too late? His jaw clenched as he fought against the rising tide of guilt and fear.

“Rafe.”

The familiar voice pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts. He looked up to see Sarah standing in front of him, her face a mix of worry and determination. She’d clearly rushed to get there, her hair pulled into a messy ponytail and her expression urgent.

“Hey,” she said softly, sitting down beside him. Her eyes flicked to his hands, which were still caked in blood. “Have you let anyone take care of those yet?”

He shook his head, barely acknowledging her question. “I don’t care about my hands, Sarah,” he muttered, his voice hoarse.

“I know you don’t,” she replied gently, “but you can’t sit here like this. Let me get someone to clean them up. I’ll wait with you for Y/n—okay?”

Rafe hesitated, his gaze flicking toward the double doors that led to the surgical unit. He hated the idea of leaving for even a second, but Sarah gave him a look that told him he didn’t have much of a choice.

“Fine,” he muttered, standing reluctantly as Sarah called over a nurse. While the cuts on his knuckles were cleaned and his hands were wrapped, he sat in silence, his jaw tight. Even Sarah’s presence wasn’t enough to soothe the storm in his mind.

When they returned to the waiting area, Rafe fell back into the same chair, his hands now bandaged but his heart just as heavy. Sarah sat beside him, offering quiet reassurance while they waited.

Hours passed. Each tick of the clock on the wall felt like a punch to his chest. He barely moved, barely blinked, until a figure in scrubs approached. He didn’t even register their presence until Sarah nudged his arm gently.

“Rafe,” she said softly, “they’re here for Y/n.”

His head shot up, his back straightening so quickly it made Sarah flinch. “What? How is she? Is she okay?” he asked, his words tumbling out.

The doctor gave him a kind but measured look. “She’s stable,” he began, his tone professional. “She did have a brain bleed from the impact to her head, but we were able to relieve the pressure, and the surgery was successful. She also sustained a broken nose, a fractured eye socket, and significant bruising across her body. Her face will remain swollen and bruised for at least a week, but the discoloration and swelling will subside over time. The rest of the bruises should fade in the next week or so as well.”

Rafe’s heart pounded as he processed the news, a flood of relief mixing with a lingering dread. “She’s going to be okay?”

“Yes,” the doctor assured him. “She’ll make a full recovery. However, she won’t be awake for the next 10 to 12 hours as she recovers from the surgery. You’re welcome to sit with her, though.”

Rafe didn’t even wait for the doctor to finish before he asked, “What room is she in?”

The doctor gave him the room number, and Rafe stood immediately, turning to Sarah. “Thank you for coming, Sarah,” he said, his voice softer now. “You can go—I’ll let you know as soon as she wakes up.”

Sarah hesitated, clearly reluctant to leave him alone. But she saw the determination in his eyes and nodded. “Okay. Call me if you need anything,” she said, squeezing his arm before heading out.

Rafe made his way to your room, his heart pounding as he stepped inside. The sight of you hooked up to monitors, your face swollen and bruised, nearly broke him. He pulled the uncomfortable hospital chair closer to your bed and sat down, his eyes fixed on you.

For the next eleven hours, Rafe didn’t move except to use the bathroom. He ignored the stiffness in his body and the ache in his hands, his sole focus on you. Each beep of the machines was a small reassurance that you were still here, still breathing.

“Come on, baby,” he whispered at one point, his voice raw. “Wake up. Just wake up.”

The room was silent, except for the hum of the machines and the occasional murmur of nurses outside. And though exhaustion pulled at him, Rafe tried to stay alert, to make sure he could see your eyes open again.

When your eyes finally fluttered open, a low groan of pain escaped your lips as the harsh fluorescent lights overhead pierced through your disoriented state. Every inch of your body ached, a deep, relentless pain that made it hard to focus. But amidst it all, one sensation stood out—a warm, familiar hand clasped tightly around yours

You didn’t have to look to know whose hand it was. It was Rafe’s.

Turning your head slightly, you let your gaze drift toward him. He sat slumped forward, his exhaustion etched into every detail of his face—the disheveled hair, the dark circles under his eyes, the vacant, almost numb stare he had fixed on your joined hands.

You gave his hand a small, deliberate squeeze, and his head snapped up instantly, his blue eyes locking onto yours. For a moment, his expression froze, a mix of disbelief and relief washing over him.

“You’re awake?” he breathed, his voice trembling before it turned into an almost frantic exclamation. “Oh my god, you’re awake!”

He practically leapt out of the chair, his hands cupping your face with a gentleness that contrasted with the desperation in his movements. His eyes searched yours, as if trying to convince himself this was real. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I’m so fucking sorry. I should’ve been there—”

“Don’t, Rafe,” you cut him off, your hands reaching up to cover his still resting on your face. Your voice was soft but firm, even as tears blurred your vision. “It’s not your fault. You saved me, Rafe. I’m here because of you. Don’t you dare blame yourself for a second.”

His eyes glistened with tears he couldn’t hold back anymore. “I was so scared, Y/n,” he admitted, his voice cracking. “I thought—God, I thought I was going to lose you.”

“I know,” you whispered, your own tears slipping down your cheeks now. “I know, baby. But I’m okay, and it’s all because of you.”

Rafe leaned down, capturing your lips in a kiss that was tender yet filled with an aching intensity. It was a kiss of relief, of longing, of all the pain and love he couldn’t put into words. When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested against yours.

“I love you,” he murmured, his voice steady this time. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Rafe,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, but the weight of your words clear.

Moments later, the doctors came in to explain your condition. You listened as they laid out everything: the brain bleed they had successfully treated, the broken nose, the fractured eye socket, the extensive bruising across your body. You nodded along, but it was Rafe who absorbed every word like his life depended on it. He asked questions, made notes in his mind, and ensured he knew every detail about what your recovery would entail.

When the doctors left, Rafe stood silently for a moment before moving toward your bed. Carefully, he adjusted the wires and tubes connected to you, making room for himself to climb in beside you. He wrapped an arm gently around you, mindful of your injuries, and pulled you close. For a long time, the two of you stayed like that, the steady rhythm of his breathing grounding you.

Eventually, you broke the silence, your voice tentative. “Rafe… what happened to him? To Jack?”

Rafe tensed at the mention of his name, his jaw tightening as he exhaled slowly. His fingers brushed a stray strand of hair from your face as he met your gaze. “The cops brought him to the hospital after… after I dealt with him,” he said, his voice calm but edged with anger. “Once he was stable, they took him straight to the station. But you don’t need to worry about him anymore. Ward made sure they threw the book at him. He’s not getting out anytime soon.”

Relief washed over you, and you nodded, your gaze drifting away as your mind tried to process everything. Rafe noticed the shift in your demeanor, his hand gently tipping your chin so you’d meet his eyes again.

“He’s not going to hurt you again, Y/n,” he said firmly, his voice steady and filled with conviction. “I promise. Never again.”

“I know,” you replied softly, offering him a faint smile before settling against his chest once more.

After a moment, Rafe spoke hesitantly, “I had cleaners go through your condo—it was such a mess. And Sarah’s ready to pack up your things whenever you say the word… I mean, if you want to come stay with me. But if you don’t, that’s totally okay too, I just—”

“Rafe,” you interrupted, a small smile tugging at your lips despite the pain, “I’d love to come stay with you.”

Relief flooded his face as he nodded. “Okay. I’ll let Sarah know.”

The room fell into a comfortable silence after that, broken only by the faint hum of the machines. After a while, you tilted your head to look up at him.

“Rafe?”

“Hmm?” he hummed, his fingers brushing gently over your cheek.

“Thank you. For everything. I know this probably isn’t what you signed up for when you asked me out, but… I’m so grateful you’re still here.”

Rafe’s eyes softened, his thumb tracing small circles on your cheek. “Don’t thank me, baby. I’d do anything for you. And I’m not going anywhere. I love you—all of you. There were moments I didn’t think you’d wake up, and just the thought of losing you…” He trailed off, his voice thick with emotion. “I can’t ever be without you.”

A single tear slipped down your cheek, and you reached up to brush it away before smiling faintly. “I love you too, Rafe. So, so much.”

He leaned down, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead, holding you as if he’d never let go. And you knew he wouldn’t. You knew you’d be okay with him by your side.

[hedwig221b]

Do you have any Sterek fic recs where Stiles either is stuck as or can transform into an animal? And choosing Derek as his “person”?

(My favourite would be a Stiles as a cat but there are so many animals with awesome potential)

Hi! I found these ones

the amber of the moment by redhoodedwolf

Ever since he was eight years old, Stiles had been running. Fate decided it was time to stop.

The Undisclosed by Taila_Tai

For once the pack doesn't panic when a new hunter arrives. The gleefully sadistic man has labelled himself a collector of all things rare in the supernatural world and wants one of the rarest creatures; a werefox. Content that the pack is safe, the wolves focus on why their human member is acting so strange, ignoring the fact that Stiles only started once learning who the man wanted…

Little pitchers have big ears! by wanderseeing

When Scott asked him last night if Stiles could stay at Derek’s house while the rest of the pack went off to find the feral werefox that bit his best friend, Derek took one look at the tiny animal cradled in Scott’s arms and thought: ‘That’s cute.’ And then, because he’s a moron, he also opened his mouth and said: “Okay.” AKA I spent too much time watching videos of fennec foxes on youtube and I just had to make write a fic about it. Sterek is there, but only if you tilt you head at a 45-degree angle and squint really hard.

Adventures in Kitten Therapy by InkyWings

When life in Beacon Hills gets you down, what you really need is some kitten therapy. The question is who needs it more, Derek or Stiles? Stiles gets turned into a kitten, lost and scared he winds up at Derek Hale's loft. Derek's not used to kittens appealing to him for help, but he can't help but find this one kinda cute…

Shifted by LLAP115, Wolfspurr

Of all the stupid things he’s ever done, Stiles is pretty sure this one takes the record, but it’s like a reflex that he just can’t stop. As soon as he sees the witch turn to face Derek, hand raised in Derek’s direction, he just jumps. There’s no thought process. No planning. Just an instinctual reaction that possibly reveals more about Stiles than he’s really willing to reflect on right now. The clearing echoes with a crash of noise and a blinding flash of white light. For a moment it seems as though the witch has called lightning from the sky, and Stiles only has a moment to realize that this is how he dies.

Only You Can Calm Me Down by AMatchInWater

Stiles turns into a fox after the Nogitsune leaves him and he thinks that Derek is his Alpha and not Scott. With Derek having left for South America with Cora, Stiles feels separated from not only his pack but his mate and goes feral. Of course Derek immediately comes back when the sheriff calls him and demands he come fix Stiles. It isn't until he's back in Beacon Hills that he sees just what he needs to fix.

At Home Under the Moon bywanderingeyre

There is no doubt in Derek’s mind that this fox is alone, in trouble, and needs to come home with them, with him. Derek takes a risk and lets his wolf go, calling his human side forward as he shifts. The fox barks in alarm and scrambles back to the bushes. Derek kneels and holds his hands out palm up. Derek pushes power into the next words and lets his eyes go red. “I promise. You’re safe. No one will hurt you.”

I'm Grumpy, He's Derpy by LordHarmony

The cat jumps onto the back of the couch, carefully making it’s way towards Derek, only to lose it’s footing halfway across and tumble with an undignified yowl back to the floor. Oh god, Derek thinks. It’s one of those cats.

To Me, You're Purrfect by Beautiful_noise

The original prompt idea was by captain-snark and went like this: "There are many a fic where Derek is unknowingly stuck in his wolf form and taken care of by Stiles but i really want fic where stiles accidentally turns himself into a cat and goes to Derek cos he thinks Derek might recognize him..being a wolf and all. Except, Derek does not. But also Derek is a secret cat person. And tells Stiles he’s gorgeous as he pets him, because Stiles would be a totally gorgeous cat. All lean with big paws and huge amber eyes and a fuzzy white tummy." And that's basically what this is.

He Must Be Out of Food by lipah

Stiles gets turned into a normal house cat by a witch and Derek takes care of him until they can fix it.

Cat-astrophe (Not really) by x_Lazart_x

When Stiles accidentally gets turned into a cat, he didn't expect to get stuck staying with Derek. He certainly didn't think he would end up enjoying it. Let alone missing the alpha when he was human again.

Finding Home by MadMim, Renmackree

When Stiles is kidnapped by witches, the pack is able to find the dead witches but no Stiles. The pack want to grieve and move on but Derek and John can’t stop looking until Stiles is found. All their search yields in a small fox. A fox who Derek can’t help bonding with, that only helps bring him and John closer. But the Stiles shape hole still haunts them both.

Consequences Of Fighting Witches by MichelleDWinchester

Stiles was well used to things that go bump in the night, I mean come on he lived in Beacon Hills after all. So when a Witch comes to town and starts causing mayhem, Stiles charges in no holds barred as per usual with no regard for his own safety. This time however there will be consequences for such bravery that will impact not just him but the entire Pack too. Stiles will soon be forced to re-examine his perspective following a climatic night that will change his life forever.

[masterlist link]

[spatialwave]

Confession || Jayce Talis x Reader

➸ ask: “The sacred romantic moments prompts are so darn cute I can’t choose😩how about ‘truth is that i’m so damn in love with you that i don’t know what to do with myself’ for jayce. Thanking you🫶🏻” – ➸ pairing: jayce talis x gn!reader ➸ word count: 1.9k  ➸ tags: mdni! fluff, hurt/comfort, yearning, one-sided love, confessions, childhood friends, no use of y/n. ➸ notes: i think i popped off with this one! took me a couple of days to write, but i am so happy with it! if you like yearning then this one is for you!! hehe. the ask came from this prompt! – ➸ summary: jayce talis has never experienced love quite like this.

The melodic whistling from Jayce had woven itself into the very fabric of your life. A soundtrack to your life you hadn’t asked for. You were never able to escape the sounds or his presence. Stuck at the hip since children, spending much of your life watching him dream larger than life. 

Jayce Talis was hope personified.

He carried a quiet tune under his breath, careful fingers toying with a rune he had meticulously carved. The warm pads of his thumbs brushed away the layer of dust that accumulated from the careful engravings, pausing his whistling for a moment as he carried out the task with a swift blow of his breath.

“Someone’s chipper,” your voice rang through his cluttered apartment. Leaning casually against the door frame, you watched as he perked up, head snapping over his shoulder. Those eyes reminiscent of the sun breaking through the clouds settled on your figure.

It was a pain, Jayce thought, for you to be so oblivious of his feelings.

Days, weeks, and months turned into years. All this time spent loving you, one-sided and terrified that you may never know. Too afraid to ruin a perfectly good thing. His yearning clung like a shadow.

Jayce had been there for you – always. Your first broken bone, your first love… your first heartbreak. Jayce remembered that day vividly, the way your body shook as you sobbed on his shoulder begging for the ache in your heart to stop, all while he held you and drowned with guilt for feeling happy that was the one there for you.

All because it meant that just maybe you would see him in another light. See him as a man who was worthy of your love.

As always, he bottled it up. Refusing to jeopardize the bond you shared. If he couldn’t have your heart, he’d protect his own.

“Yeah,” Jayce replied, his voice filling your heart with a sense of familiarity as you stepped into the room, hands settled onto your hips. Dropping his supplies, he quirked an eyebrow and straightened up slightly, “Wait, how’d you get in here?”

“You know, Jayce,” you sighed, giving a short ‘tsk’ of disappointment as your eyes bounced around his lab. It was messier than usual, the scattered tools and half-finished contraptions indicating he’d been spending more time here lately, likely on the brink of another grand discovery, as he’d call it. 

“Locking doors is free and usually saves you from burglars,” you continued, bending to poke at one of the hextech crystals on a messy desk.

“Hey,” he exclaimed, hurrying to your side with a breath of concern, snatching the orb from your curious touch, “Careful!”

The way he carefully handled his precious work was endearing, almost as tender as cradling a newborn baby. There was no faulting him for that–after all, you weren’t going to be the one to have your eyebrows burn into flames again. You learned your lesson, but it was hard not to rouse a reaction out of him once in a while.

To see the way he’d growl under his breath when you pestered him, or how he’d nudge you with his elbow affectionately. Little gestures that made him fall for you harder and harder with every passing day.

You were so damned insufferable, and he couldn’t get enough.

Eyes met yours as the two of you stood next to each other, silently. A moment of solace to bask in each other’s presence.

“You look like you need a break,” you murmured, eyes squinting to get a better look at Jayce to take in the obvious signs of exhaustion on his face. His eyes were heavy and highlighted by dark circles underneath, the growing stubble–“Did you even sleep last night?”

“I’m fine,” he chided, avoiding your gaze as he turned to tuck away the crystal you’d bothered, safely in its proper case, “As for sleep, I got enough to keep me going.”

“So… three hours, give or take? Including a twenty-minute nap for about ten minutes sometime around the three o’cock mark.”

“That’s creepy,” Jayce shot you a sideways glance, a smirk pulling the corner of his lips, “You’re creepy for knowing that.”

Your mouth dropped in a dramatic expression of mock disbelief, a silent gasp, “And you’re quite rude, Jayce. It’s not kind to name-call.”

“Okay, okay, sorry,” he snorted, slipping off his gloves from his fingers and resting them atop the desk behind him. As your eyes flickered out his open window, momentarily distracted, he took the time to admire you as you soaked in the sunlight that cascaded past his open curtains. The sunlight illuminating your features.

Jayce smiled, captivated by your effortless beauty. He would do anything to be given the privilege of showing you the way you looked in his eyes.

“You need a break,” you declared, your eyes landing on his just as he averted his gaze, “Come on before you go crazy.”

Your hand extended toward him, causing his heart to leap up into his throat as he stared down at it. Impatient, you shook it in silent urgency, and he was quick to fill it with his own as you tugged him far, far from his cluttered sanctuary that desperately needed a good clean.

“Gods,” you breathed, laughter bubbling up your chest as you found yourselves standing on the bridge that separated Piltover from Zaun. Your hands rested over the railing, fingers curved along the stone as you leaned over and looked down at the waters below, “Remember that time we came out here back when we were… what, fifteen? We stole that bottle of wine from my mother’s cabinet and drank so much that you nearly toppled off the ledge trying to climb on it.”

Jayce hadn’t been paying attention, hands tight over the rail like yours, entranced by you. Your lips were stretched into a wide, toothy grin as you looked down and relished in the cool breeze that tickled your warm skin.

His heart ached, thumping irregularly as it yearned, and cried out to be loved by you.

It’s why he allowed himself to be swallowed by his work for days on end–anything to escape the unbearable ache of being around you. It hurt, to be next to you, like a physical blow to the chest.

For years, he stood quietly off to the sidelines, watching as you were loved by others. Seeing the way your entire being lit up when you spoke so passionately about the love in your life, light in your eyes. Only to be shattered when they inevitably stomped all over you like you were nothing, leaving you a shattered mess. Jayce would be there to pick up the pieces, spending long, sleepless nights consoling you until your soft snores overtook the tears that streamed down your cheeks.

Jayce was nothing if not a coward. Regret clouded his mind each night when he would berate himself for not having the courage to confess his feelings. To tell you how much he fucking loved you.

He hated how angry it made him.

“Hello?” 

Your voice snapped him from his reverie, and his amber eyes widened as you stared at him, piercing through the fog of his thoughts.

“You really need some rest,” you said quickly, your eyebrows furrowing together in concern, “are you sure you’ve been okay?”

“I’m fine,” he grumbled, running a hand over his tired face in frustration as he turned away from you, “just tired.”

“Jayce,” your voice softened, and it struck a nerve in him that he wished hadn’t.

“I said I’m fine. Can you just leave it?”

Your body stiffened as you watched him in stunned silence, searching his face for any understanding of what was going on behind those pained eyes. Was it the research? Had his big breakthrough fallen out of grasp? Maybe he needed a nice herbal tea and a nap.

The entirety of your mind reeled with ways to help him, anything to alleviate the weight of the world he seemingly carried on his shoulders–unaware of the emotional turmoil that chained him to the ground beneath him.

“Why are you lying to my face?” You stood your ground stubbornly, arms crossed firmly over your chest, “It’s okay to be tired, Jayce. You work too hard.”

“I’m not lying,” Jayce replied sharply, a mix of frustration and desperation bleeding together. One hand lingered along the railing, the other moving with the passion of his words that masked the truth, “Why would I lie to you? I just–” he scrambled to gather his thoughts.

The struggle was evident on his face, and you felt your own frustration boil over. It was far and few between that you both indulged in these confrontations, bickering like an old married couple until they exploded into fiery words that often ended in mumbled apologies.

“Why are you being so difficult?” Your tone was loud and sharp, “I’m just trying to help!”

“I didn’t ask for your help!”

The words stung your cheeks like a harsh winter storm. 

Jayce’s jaw clenched tight, emotions roiling under his skin,  “Do you want to know the truth?”

You watched him, noticing the storm that swirled in his eyes, “Jayce–”

“The truth is–” Jayce began, lips trembling as he pushed through, “the truth is that I’m so damn in love with you, that I don’t know what to do with myself,” he exclaimed, confession spilling from his lips as he pressed a hand to his chest, “It’s impossible to be around you because my heart breaks every time I have to watch you leave, knowing that I can’t be the one by your side,” he choked on his words, eyes glistening with unshed tears, “I’m so in love with you that it physically hurts. It’s unbearable, gods, it hurts so fucking much.”

Jayce’s chest heaved with each deep breath, his guts spilled out in front of you. Vulnerable and open–what he’d been avoiding for so long.

Your lips trembled. Moving, but unable to form any sentences. All you could do was look into those eyes that spoke more than his passionate ramblings.

Your heart swelled, chest tightening in the best way possible.

“Do you know how hard it is?” he mumbled, taking a step back, “I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t. I’m sorry–”

“No,” your hand shot out and latched to his wrist, fingers tightening against his skin and holding him back from leaving. Gold-specked eyes widened, staring at you with yearning, “You don’t get to leave me here, not like this.”

Jayce watched as tears brimmed in your eyes, a smile creeping onto your lips. Beaming under the evening sun and glowing so beautifully, as if you were both earthly and divine–transcending. You were too good for this world, too good for him.

“Don’t make me stay if I can’t have you,” he whispered, voice fragile as it broke like glass.

Then your lips were on his, a gentle touch that eased every worry that dared to destroy his mind with heartbreak. It planted a seed of hope deep in his heart, one that would blossom too quickly and strongly. All because it was you who did it, the one he’d longed for all these years.

“Then stay,” you murmured against his lips, answered only by strong arms wrapped tightly around your waist with no intention of letting you go.

[finchyclarkemd]

Between Us

~Angst/Smut~

You had known George since university. He had been your anchor—your best friend through years of exams, late-night study sessions, and questionable life choices. You had been through everything together, no one knew you better than he did. When he introduced you to his friend group after graduation, you didn’t think much of it at first. But then you met Chris.

Chris was the kind of guy who walked into a room and made it feel smaller, like gravity bent toward him. He was confident, always teasing, always flashing that easy smile. You liked him immediately—which was exactly why you had spent the last few months doing everything possible to bury those feelings. There was no way he’d ever feel the same. George, on the other hand, had always been by your side. He was warm, steady, dependable. It never once crossed your mind that he might look at you differently than you looked at him—until lately.  

Lately, there had been a shift. A weight in his glances, a hesitation in his words. You couldn’t quite place it, and honestly, you didn’t want to. Not when every time Chris so much as brushed past you, your heart went into cardiac arrest.  

It was supposed to be a casual night out—a group hangout at a bar, nothing unusual. But something in the air felt off. George was quieter than usual, and Chris… well, Chris had been watching you. Not in an obvious way, but in a way that made your skin prickle with awareness.  

At some point, you slipped away from the group, stepping outside for fresh air. The cool night breeze helped steady your heartbeat. That was, until you heard footsteps behind you.  

Chris.  

"You okay?" His voice was softer than usual, lacking the teasing edge he so often carried.  

You swallowed. "Yeah. Just needed some air."  

He nodded, but he didn’t leave. He leaned against the wall next to you, hands in his pockets, his body close.  

"You’ve been quiet tonight," he observed.  

You laughed nervously. "So have you."  

"Yeah, well…" He exhaled, tilting his head slightly. "Maybe I was waiting for you to say something first."  

Your breath hitched. "Say what?"  

Chris studied you for a long moment. It was the kind of look that made you feel like he could read everything—every hidden thought, every unspoken feeling. And maybe he could. Before he could say anything else, the door swung open behind you.  

George.  

His eyes flicked between the two of you, and suddenly, the tension thickened into something unbearable.  

"Hey," George said, voice carefully even. "You okay?"  

You nodded quickly, stepping back from Chris. You weren’t sure why.  

Chris let out a low chuckle. "You sent George to come check on me?" you teased, trying to lighten the mood.  

George’s lips pressed into a thin line. "I sent myself."  

Chris’s jaw twitched, something unreadable passing between them. Oh.

You weren’t imagining it, were you? The way George was standing, the way Chris’s shoulders squared ever so slightly—like two opponents stepping into a ring.  

"You should come back inside," George said, but his gaze wasn’t on you. It was on Chris.

And that’s when it hit you. George wasn’t just being protective. Chris wasn’t just acting strange.  

They both—  

Oh, God.

You felt your stomach drop, realisation slamming into you like a freight train. They both had feelings for you. And you… you only had feelings for one of them.  

Chris.  

But you had never imagined it would be this complicated.  

Chris let out a breath, pushing off the wall. "Yeah, we should go back," he said, but his voice was tight.

George lingered for a second before he reached for your hand—just a small touch on your wrist, the kind that might have gone unnoticed if you weren’t already drowning in the weight of everything unsaid. When you looked at him, there was something in his eyes. Please choose me.

But when you glanced back at Chris, his gaze burned just as fiercely. Please tell me you feel the same. And suddenly, you weren’t sure if you could breathe at all. You could still feel George’s touch on your wrist. Gentle, hesitant. A silent plea. But your heart wasn’t hesitating. It was already pulling in one direction.  

Chris.  

It always had been. The moment stretched between the three of you, unbearably tense. The unspoken words, the lingering looks, the unacknowledged feelings that had been brewing for months—it was all coming to a head now, whether you were ready for it or not.  Chris’s jaw was clenched, his hands stuffed into his pockets like he was restraining himself from doing something reckless. His eyes burned into yours, searching, waiting.  

George exhaled sharply. "Let’s go back inside," he repeated, but his voice had lost its steadiness. It was raw now. Vulnerable.   

Your chest tightened. You knew what he wasn’t saying. Please don’t do this. Chris must have sensed it too, because he took a step forward—closer to you. Close enough that you could feel the heat of his body, close enough that the air between you felt electric.

"Or," Chris said, voice low, dangerous, "she doesn’t have to."  

You swallowed hard.  

George stiffened. "What the hell does that mean?"  

Chris’s gaze never left yours. "It means if she wants to stay, she stays."  

The weight of the moment crushed down on you. This was it. The moment you had to choose. And maybe, deep down, you had already made your decision a long time ago. You took a slow breath, gathering every ounce of courage you had. Then, with your heart pounding, you stepped toward Chris. Not George.  

Chris’s eyes widened slightly, like he hadn’t actually expected you to choose him. And George—oh God, George—his breath hitched, pain flickering across his face for the briefest moment before he masked it. But you saw it. You felt it. Chris must have felt it too, because his jaw clenched, his body tensed. But then you reached for his hand. And that was all it took. Chris’s hand tightened around yours—possessive, certain. Like he had been waiting for this. For you.

George let out a soft, bitter laugh, running a hand through his hair. "Right," he murmured. "Got it." His voice was calm, but his eyes—his eyes—were full of something that made your stomach twist.  

He nodded, once, then turned and walked away. You almost called out to him. Almost. But then Chris pulled you back to reality. He tugged you closer, until you were right there—his forehead nearly resting against yours, his breath warm against your lips.  

"You sure about this?" he murmured. His voice was different now. No teasing. No playfulness. Just real.

You let out a shaky breath. "Yeah."  

And then he kissed you. It wasn’t slow, or careful, or hesitant. It was intense. Like he had been holding back for months and just couldn’t anymore. Like he didn’t care that you were standing in the dim glow of a streetlamp outside the bar, or that anyone could walk out and see. Like he was claiming you. And when you kissed him back, you poured every ounce of feeling you had into it. Because finally, finally, you had stopped running from what you wanted. And Chris wasn’t about to let you go.  

It wasn’t regret. No, you knew deep down you had made the right choice. But the moment George walked away that night, something inside you fractured. And it hadn’t healed since.  

For the next few days, George didn’t answer your texts. Calls went straight to voicemail. It was as if he had vanished. Avoiding you. Avoiding this. Chris, on the other hand, was different.  He didn’t talk about what happened. He didn’t say George’s name. But he was there—calling, texting, making sure you were okay. And when you were together, he kissed you like he wanted to erase everything else. Like he wanted you to focus on him, not the pieces of your friendship that were shattering.  

But it didn’t work. Because every time you kissed him, you thought of George. Not because you wanted him instead, but because you had hurt him. And the worst part? He hadn’t even fought for you. He had just… walked away.  

You finally saw him again two weeks later. It wasn’t planned. You had just left Chris’s place—his scent still lingering on your skin, your lips still swollen from his kiss—when you ran into George at the coffee shop near your apartment. The moment your eyes met, he froze. For a second, you thought he might turn and walk out. But then, with a sigh, he stepped forward and pulled out the chair across from you, sitting down like it was a chore.

You swallowed hard. "George—"  

"Don’t." His voice was flat.  

The barista set a coffee down in front of him. He didn’t touch it. He just stared at you, eyes unreadable.

"You’ve been ignoring me," you said softly.  

His lips twitched into something that wasn’t quite a smile. "Yeah. Funny how that happens."  

You winced. "I didn’t mean to hurt you."  

"You didn’t mean to choose him either?" He let out a short laugh, shaking his head. "No, wait—don’t answer that. I don’t want to hear it."  

Your stomach twisted. "George…"  

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Look, I get it. It was never me. It was always Chris."  

You flinched. Not because he was wrong, but because hearing it like that, so definite, made it feel worse.  

"And you know what?" He exhaled sharply, finally meeting your eyes. "That’s fine. I can deal with that. But you could’ve at least told me."  

Your breath caught. "What?"  

"You knew," he said bitterly. "You had to have known. Maybe not at first, but eventually. You felt it, right?" His voice was quieter now. "You felt the way I looked at you, the way I…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "And if you didn’t, then I was a fucking idiot."  

Your throat tightened. "George, I—"  

He let out another sharp laugh. "God, I must’ve looked so stupid standing there that night, watching you pick him. Watching you look at him the way I wanted you to look at me."  

The words hit like a slap. You had spent so long drowning in your own feelings that you had never stopped to think about what it must have been like for him. Watching you choose someone else. Watching you slip away. You reached out, fingers brushing his hand. He pulled away. That hurt more than anything.  

"I don’t hate you," George said after a moment. "I just… I can’t be around you right now." His voice cracked slightly. "Not when you’re with him."  

Your stomach dropped. "George, please—"  

"Don’t," he said again, shaking his head. "You made your choice. And I’m making mine."  

He stood up, coffee untouched, hands shoved deep in his pockets. And then, with one last glance—one final, unreadable look—he walked away.  Again. And this time. You weren’t sure if he was ever coming back.  You should’ve been happy. You were happy, right?

Chris was everything you had wanted—everything you had spent months trying to deny. And now that he was yours, he made sure you knew it. Every kiss, every touch, every look—he didn’t hold back anymore. But no matter how many times he kissed you breathless, no matter how tightly he held you at night, there was a weight pressing against your chest.  

George. 

The last time you saw him replayed in your mind like a broken record. The sharpness in his voice. The way he pulled his hand away. The way he left. And the worst part? You hadn’t heard from him since. Until now.  

Chris was asleep, his arm slung over your waist, his breaths slow and steady against your neck. The warmth of his body wrapped around you, grounding you. And yet, when your phone buzzed in the darkness, a shiver ran down your spine.  

George.

You stared at the screen, your heart hammering. For a second, you thought about ignoring it. But then—you slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Chris, and stepped into the hallway before answering.  

“…George?”  

A long silence. Then, his voice—low, rough, like he hadn’t slept.  

“I need to see you.”  

Your stomach twisted. “George, I—”  

“Please.”  

You closed your eyes. The way he said it—like he was breaking.

“…Where?”  

You found him at the park, sitting on the same bench where you used to meet after long days. But this time, there was distance. He barely looked at you when you sat down, staring ahead like he was afraid to face you.  

“I wasn’t going to call,” he admitted.  

You swallowed. “So why did you?”  

George exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair. “Because I thought I could let you go.” His voice was raw. “I tried. I really fucking tried.”  

Your breath hitched.  

He turned to you then, eyes dark with something unreadable. “But every time I see you with him, it feels like I’m suffocating.”  

You looked away, guilt creeping in. “George—”  

“I’m not saying this to make you feel bad,” he interrupted. “I just… I need you to know”  

Silence stretched between you.  And then—softly, brokenly—  

“I love you.”  

Your heart stopped. You had known. Of course you had known. But hearing him say it out loud? It was different.  Dangerous.  

“I don’t expect anything,” he continued, his voice hoarse. “I just couldn’t keep pretending anymore.”  

Tears burned at the back of your eyes. “George, I—”  

But before you could say anything, a voice cut through the air like a blade. Chris. Standing just a few feet away. Watching. His expression was unreadable, but his fists were clenched. And in that moment, you realised— this wasn’t over. Not even close.  

Chris didn’t say a word. Not when his eyes locked onto yours. Not when his jaw clenched so tight you thought it might snap. Not even when George stood up, ready for a fight. But Chris didn’t fight. He didn’t need to. Instead, he looked at you—just you. His expression unreadable, his shoulders tense, like he was waiting to see if you’d follow. And you did.  

The silence in the car was thick. Charged. Chris gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white, his jaw locked, his eyes dark. You wanted to say something, but you didn’t know what. Because the way he was acting? The way his whole body radiated tension? You had never seen him like this before. 

The second you walked into his apartment, the door slammed shut behind you. Before you could react, Chris was on you. His hands found your waist, his body pressing you back against the door, his breath hot against your skin.  

“You went to him.” His voice was low, rough—dangerous.

Your breath hitched. “Chris, I—”  

“Tell me,” he demanded, his lips brushing against your jaw. “Tell me you don’t still think about him.”  

Your stomach twisted. “Chris, I chose you.”  

He let out a sharp breath—half a laugh, half frustration. “Yeah? Then say it.”  

Your heart pounded. “Say what?”  

His hands tightened on your waist, pulling you flush against him. “That you’re mine.”  

Your breath stalled. Because it wasn’t just a question. It was a challenge. The air between you was electric, charged with everything unsaid. And then—before you could even think—your lips crashed together. It was nothing like the first time. It was raw. Desperate. Possessive.  

Chris kissed you like he was trying to erase any trace of George from your mind. Like he needed to remind you exactly who you belonged to. And you let him.  You tangled your fingers in his hair, pulling him closer, pressing against him like you’d never get enough. Chris groaned, deep and low, as he lifted you—effortlessly—and carried you straight to his bedroom.  

And when he laid you down, his lips never left yours. Because this wasn’t just about desire. This was about claiming. And tonight, Chris was going to make sure you knew exactly who you had chosen. Chris wasn’t gentle.  

He wasn’t soft, or slow, or careful. Because this wasn’t about romance. This was about possession. About claiming you. About making damn sure that every thought of George was burned from your body, your mind—until the only name you could say, the only person you could think about, was him. And God, you let him. You let him devour you.

His hands were everywhere—gripping, demanding, sliding over your skin like he had something to prove. Like he needed to mark you, brand you, ruin you for anyone else. Your back arched under him as his lips trailed down your neck, teeth scraping, biting—not enough to hurt, but enough to remind you exactly who was in control.  

“You’re mine,” he growled against your skin, his voice thick with need. “Say it.”  

Your breath hitched. “Chris—”  

But that wasn’t enough.  

His hand tightened around your waist, pinning you in place. “Say it.”  

A shiver ran through you, your nails digging into his shoulders as you gasped, “I’m yours.”  

Chris cursed under his breath, his lips crashing back against yours. And from that moment on, there was no going back. No restraint. No hesitation. Just raw, unfiltered want.  

The room was filled with the sound of your ragged breaths, the sharp edge of his name falling from your lips, the deep, guttural sounds he made when you pulled him closer, closer— and when it was over, when you were left wrecked beneath him, he didn’t let you go. He stayed. His arms wrapped around you, his body pressed against yours like he still wasn’t done.  Like he never would be.  

Chris brushed his lips against your ear, voice low and dangerous.  

“If he ever tries to take you from me again…”  

A pause. A slow, dark chuckle.  

“He won’t.”  

You swallowed hard. Because it wasn’t a threat. It was a promise. Without hesitation, Chris takes your hand, his eyes filled with a burning intensity. 

Chris breaks the kiss only to trail his lips down your neck, nuzzling and biting gently. His hands tug at your clothing, desperately trying to remove them. He removes your hoodie and joggers before he eagerly removes his jeans and t-shirt, leaving you both in your underwear. He lifts you up and wraps your legs around your waist. 

“Chris…please.” You plead, as desire runs through your veins. 

Chris can feel your begging whisper and it drives him mad with desire. “Shh… Shh…” He murmurs as he carries you to the bed and tossing you onto it. He crawls between your legs, looking up at you with lust-glazed eyes.

Chris spreads your legs wider, moving the side of your panties and revealing your wetness. He groans at the sight, and he leans down- burying his face between your legs. His tongue laps at your pussy, tasting your juices and savouring the flavour. He sucks on your clit gently, which makes you arch your back and groan in pleasure. 

“Chris…” You moan, as you grab fistfuls of his hair, pulling it tight.

He hears his name leave your lips in a breathy plea, and it sends him over the edge. He pulls back, wiping the wetness from his face as he sits up and stares at you with a fierce desire. “You want my dick inside of you, huh?” He says cockily. 

He doesn’t wait for you to reply. He immediately removes your panties and his boxers then aligns himself with your entrance. With one swift thrust, he enters you- earning a loud moan from both of you. He starts moving slowly at first, savouring the feeling of finally being inside you. His best friend. His lover. “Fuck.” He groans.

Chris picks up the pace, diving into you harder with each thrust, his hips slapping against yours. He leans down to capture your lips, kissing you messily as he continues to fill you- his thick cock hitting depths no one else ever has. 

His hands grip your ass, squeezing and spreading you. His kiss becomes more urgent, more passionate as you both continue to move in sync. Your bodies press together in a desperate need for contact. He pulls back just enough to look into your eyes, his own filled with love and desire. “I love you.” He groans out. 

“I love you too.” You reply between moans. He swallows your reply with another deep kiss, his body covering yours possessively. His movements become uncoordinated and sloppy with love and lust. He pushes your legs higher up, going even deeper and hitting that magical spot inside you that makes you cry out. 

You moan loudly as your high washes over you, moaning Chris’ name repeatedly as if it was a prayer. Your legs shake as Chris continues to thrust into you, riding out your high. He growls in satisfaction at your cries, his own release also building. He pushes into you one last time, holding himself deep inside you as he comes hard, filling you with his hot seed. “Mine.” He pants, collapsing on top of you. “Mine, fucking mine.” 

The room was silent, except for the sound of your still-unsteady breathing.  Chris was lying beside you, his arm draped over your waist, his body still pressed against yours like he couldn’t stand the thought of space between you. But there was no mistaking it—something had shifted. Because even though he had kissed you breathless, even though he had left you wrecked and marked and his, there was something in the air that felt unfinished. Like a storm waiting to break.  

You swallowed hard, fingers tracing along the sheets. "Chris…"  

His grip on you tightened.  

"Don’t," he muttered, his voice rough, still thick with the last remnants of heat.  

Your heart clenched. "Don’t what?"  

"Don’t say his name."  

You froze.  

Chris exhaled sharply, finally pulling back just enough to look at you. His gaze was dark, unreadable. But his jaw was clenched, his fingers still gripping your skin like he was afraid to let go.  

"You went to him," he said, voice low. "You met up with him, you sat with him, and you listened to him."  

You bit your lip, unsure how to respond. Because he wasn’t wrong.  

Chris’s jaw tightened. "What did he say?"  

Your throat was dry. "Chris, it doesn’t—"  

"What did he say?" His voice was sharp now. Demanding.  

You hesitated. And that hesitation was enough. Chris cursed under his breath, sitting up, running a hand through his already-messy hair. He was pissed. And not just because of George. Because of you.  

"He told you he loves you, didn’t he?" Chris scoffed, shaking his head. "And let me guess—you didn’t tell him to fuck off. You just sat there, feeling sorry for him."  

Your chest tightened. "Chris, it’s not that simple—"  

"It is that simple," he snapped, turning to you. His eyes were burning. "You chose me, didn’t you?"  

"Of course I did."  

"Then why the hell are you still thinking about him?"  

Your breath hitched. "I’m not—"  

Chris let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "Don’t lie to me."  

The room suffocated with silence. Because he was right. You had chosen Chris. You had let him pull you under, let him claim you in every possible way. And yet, George’s voice still echoed in your mind. I love you.

Chris sighed, his frustration visible, but then—he did something unexpected. He softened. His hand came up to your jaw, his thumb tracing over your lips, his touch gentler than it had been all night.  

"You’re mine," he murmured. But this time, it wasn’t a demand. It was a plea.  

A raw, vulnerable thing. And that’s when you realised— Chris was afraid. Afraid that no matter how much he had taken from you tonight, there were still pieces of you that weren’t his. And you had to decide if you were going to fix that, or let the cracks grow wider.  

Chris’s fingers were still against your jaw, his touch softer now—but his eyes? His eyes were dark, burning with something between frustration and fear. You had never seen him like this before. Chris never doubted himself. Never second-guessed. He was cocky, confident, the kind of guy who never let anything shake him. But right now? He was afraid he was losing you. And you couldn’t let him think that.  So you reached up, cupping his face, your thumb brushing against the edge of his jaw. He stilled under your touch, his breath uneven, his muscles still tense.

"It’s you," you murmured, voice softer now. "It’s always been you."  

Chris swallowed hard, his lips parting like he wanted to argue. Like he wanted to remind you of the other man’s words. But you didn’t let him. You leaned in, pressing your forehead against his, forcing him to focus on you.

"I chose you," you whispered. "Not him."  

Chris’s breath hitched. But you weren’t done.  

"I don’t want him," you murmured, each word slow, deliberate. "I want you."  

That’s when he finally exhaled. The tension in his shoulders melted just a little, his fingers tightening against your skin—but not like before. Not with anger. With need. Chris shifted, moving so quickly you barely had time to react before he was on top of you again, his lips crashing against yours, his grip desperate, almost fragile.

"Say it again," he demanded against your lips.  

You gasped. "I want you.”  

His hands slid down your sides, fingers pressing into your skin like he needed to memorise every inch of you.  

"Only me," he rasped.  

You nodded, breathless. "Only you."  

Chris groaned, his grip tightening, his lips trailing down your neck, claiming you all over again. And this time? It wasn’t about possession. It wasn’t about proving something. It was about you and him. Nothing else. No one else. And for once, there was no doubt left between you.  

For a little while, things felt… right. Chris wasn’t holding back anymore—not his touches, not his words, not the way he looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered. And for the first time since everything started, you let yourself believe it was over.  That George had finally let go.  

You should’ve known better.  

It was late when it happened. Chris was in the kitchen, shirtless, barefoot, the glow of the fridge light illuminating his sharp features as he poured himself a drink. You were curled up on the couch, wrapped in the scent of him, wearing his hoodie, content in a way you hadn’t been in a long time. And then—  

BANG. BANG. BANG.  

A sharp, relentless pounding against the door. Chris froze. You sat up, the sudden weight in your chest making it hard to breathe. You knew who it was before you even heard his voice.  

"Open the fucking door, Chris."  

Chris set his glass down slowly. Deliberately. His entire body went rigid, his jaw clenching so tightly it looked painful.  

You swallowed hard. "Chris, maybe we shouldn’t—"  

But he was already moving. And when he yanked the door open, George was standing there, rage simmering beneath the surface. His eyes flicked past Chris—to you. And that’s when you knew. This wasn’t just anger. This was a man on the edge. A man who wasn’t done fighting for you.

"You’re fucking kidding me," George laughed bitterly, shaking his head. His hands curled into fists at his sides, his chest rising and falling too quickly.  

Chris didn’t react. Not at first. He just stood there, body tense, solid, like he was waiting for George to make a move. But George wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at you.

"You just ran straight to him, huh?" George’s voice was sharp, cutting, but you could hear the hurt beneath it. "No hesitation. No second thoughts."  

Your stomach twisted. "George—"  

"Do you even fucking care?" His voice cracked, his hands running through his hair in frustration. "Do you even care what this is doing to me?"  

You stood up. "Of course I do—"  

"Then why are you here?" He stepped forward. Chris immediately blocked his path.

"Back up." Chris’s voice was dangerously low.  

George ignored him. His eyes were locked onto you. "Say it."  

Your breath hitched. "Say what?"  

"That you don’t love me."  

Your chest tightened.  

George let out a shaky breath, his voice dropping. "Say it, and I’ll walk away. Right now. Forever."  

Chris stiffened. You felt the weight of both of them in the room—George, desperate and breaking, and Chris, tense and waiting. And suddenly, you realised— this was the moment. The final line. Whatever you said next would change everything. The room was suffocating. Chris stood between you and George, his entire body coiled like a predator, ready to snap the second George stepped out of line. But George wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at you. And he was waiting.

“Say it, and I’ll walk away. Right now. Forever."

You inhaled sharply, steadying yourself. Because there was no room left for hesitation. No room for second-guessing. So you looked George in the eyes, voice firm—unshakable.

"I don’t love you."  

The words cut through the air like a blade. George’s breath stilled. His jaw clenched. His entire body locked up. But you weren’t done.  

"I never did."  

Chris exhaled. George? George just… froze. Like his brain refused to process what you had just said. Like some part of him had still been holding onto the hope that you’d change your mind. But now? Now, there was nothing left. You watched it happen—the exact moment his hope died. The exact second he realised that no matter how hard he fought, he had already lost. George took a slow step back. Then another. And when he finally spoke, his voice was quiet. Hollow.

"...Right."  

He swallowed hard, nodding to himself, eyes flicking between you and Chris one last time. Then—without another word—he turned around and walked away. And this time? He didn’t look back. The door clicked shut. Silence. Chris’s shoulders stayed tense for a long moment, like he was still waiting for the fight to continue.  

But when nothing happened—when George was really, truly gone—Chris let out a sharp breath, raking a hand through his hair before turning to face you.  

"...You okay?"  

Your throat felt dry. "Yeah."  

Chris studied you for a second, searching your face.  

Then, his hand reached out, his fingers curling around your wrist, his grip steady. Like he was still afraid you might disappear, too.  

"You’re mine now," he murmured. Not a question. Not a demand. Just a fact.

Your chest tightened—but not with fear. With certainty. You leaned in, pressing your lips softly against his, letting your fingers tangle in his hair as you whispered against his skin—  

"I always was."

And for the first time in a long time, there were no doubts left between you. No ghosts of the past. No unfinished business. Just you and Chris. Exactly how it was always meant to be.

——————————————————————————————————

This took me so long to write but I LOVED it! Also feeding you all with another Chris and George fic. This also feeds one of my friends requests for a Chris smut 👀

I am aiming to get a George one out at some point next week too so look out for that!

Tags-

@themdera

[haikyu-mp4]

Baby fever

word count; 979 – f!reader, suggestive

It was way past ten in the evening by the time you and your husband, Bokuto Koutarou, walked through the doors of your home. You’re both absolutely spent and still undeniably giddy, all from being around children the whole evening.

About a month ago, Kuroo came to Bokuto with a proposition. He wanted to set up a special class with an MSBY player who could spend a few hours teaching children who were interested in volleyball. Keep the spark alive.

Koutarou was beaming with joy throughout the whole thing, mostly following the script he practised with Kuroo beforehand, even though he definitely went off track a couple of times. You helped him with preparation of course, and when the day finally came, you just had to join them. Standing on the sidelines, you mostly helped with picking up stray balls and managing the children. Your husband’s eyes met yours every now and then, which felt like a silent conversation between the two of you. Both with stars in your eyes.

You finally got home and dropped your bags by the door to deal with later. While Koutarou kissed your cheek and then headed to the toilet, you headed straight to the kitchen to prepare some food. The smile on your face just wouldn’t rub off as you prepared ingredients, feeling the stir in your stomach when thinking back to how Koutarou looked handling those young children. One particular image of him holding a little girl in his arms seemed to be recurring.

In the bathroom, Koutarou was the same as you. There was a dazed smile on his face as he stared in the mirror, splashing his face with cold water as if it would rub this feeling off. Your soft voice was ringing in his ears, images of you playing with some kids who were waiting for their turn replaying in his mind.

The two of you had baby fever.

Koutarou walked into the kitchen, knowing you’d want food before showering and heading to bed. He skipped over to where you stood by the counter, softly pressing kisses to your neck and letting his hands roam over your hips and stomach. “Need help?” he asked.

You leaned into his touches for a moment before carefully putting the knife down beside the rest of the uncut vegetables. “If you finish this, I can start with the rest,” you said and kissed his cheek before moving over to the stove, pulling out a pan and cooking the meat.

Koutarou got right to it, a little clumsily cutting what you needed. “Did you see that one kid who wouldn’t stop kicking the ball?” he chuckled, glancing at you between cutting. That one sentence was all it took to raise the energy in the room.

“Yes! I think his parents should try him out for soccer instead.” you giggled. Does he feel it too? “But that other kid who he hung out with totally reminded me of you!” you said, explaining in detail how the kid reminded you of your husband when he cheered obnoxiously loud every time he got the ball over the net. Koutarou laughed loudly, putting the knife down. He gathered the chopped vegetables in his hands and scooped them over to you, dropping them in the pan.

“What about that girl, the one who challenged him? You have to admire her guts,” he said, wiping his hands off on his pants and sliding them around you again as you cooked everything. You agreed with what he said and leaned into his touch again. You and Koutarou were happily married, both with stable jobs and a big house. Who could blame you for thinking a little version of each of you would fit in perfectly?

“She was raised well, I think she’ll be a future star in whatever she chooses to do,” you added, chuckle drifting off into the air. It was still unspoken, this fever. However, there was something in the way his hands finally stopped moving, both holding your stomach with his fingertips resting just under the top of your pants. “Kou…” you whispered, turning down the heat as the food was almost done, so you could turn halfway to him and look at his face. His eyes immediately searched yours. “What would you want, a girl or a boy?” Of course, you had talked about kids before, and you knew before marrying each other that you both wanted them in your future. Is now that future?

He smiled wide, the kind of bright smile only he has, in your opinion. His lips met yours for a kiss, deepening it by brushing his tongue against your lips. He only pulled away when he had to for breath. “Either way, they‘ll be perfect,” he said as if it was the easiest thing. “Are we almost discussing what I think we’re almost discussing?” he asked, a reference from Modern Family, which you often had playing on your TV as background noise.

You smiled even wider, an ache starting between your legs as his hands moved around to your ass so he could pull you chest to chest. “Wouldn’t it be kind of perfect now?”

Koutarou turned off the stove and moved the food off the heat before putting his hands back on you. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You squealed his name as he picked you up, supporting your thighs and letting you kiss him silly while he carried you to the bedroom. He ignored any protests you had about the food getting cold, insisting you could heat it up again later.

“You’ll look so beautiful, I’ll take such good care of you. All of you,” he promised, putting you on the bed and crawling over you.

“How many are you thinking, mister?” you giggled.

“As many as you’ll give me.”

“Let’s start with one, my love.”

masterlist

[sansaorgana]

— DECEPTION (II)

DECEPTION MASTERLIST

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!Elf!Reader // Adar x fem!Elf!Reader

SUMMARY — You only have a few days to convince Adar that he should keep you alive and choose you as his companion. You get to know him better, which makes you start feeling sorry for him – but not sorry enough to forgive him for defeating your lover. In the meantime, Adar's suspicions about Sauron's comeback give you hope.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — Hello! 🤗 Thank you for liking the first part of this story and I am sorry it's going a bit slower than I expected but I am job hunting at the moment and I might actually get one, which is an opportunity for me. Because of that, I was pretty busy those past few days + I have started a different multichapter fic as well. Please, keep your fingers crossed! 😊 Although, if I don't get the job, I will have more time for writing... 🤣 Either way, I hope you enjoy this chapter! 🥰

WARNINGS — forced/arranged marriage, Reader is NOT a good person – she is proud, greedy, fake and corrupted by Sauron, "love" triangle situationship

WORD COUNT — 5,120

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

DECEPTION (II)

You spent the rest of the day in your chambers, watching the courtyard carefully from your window. The orcs were walking around it carefreely as if the saint trees did not grow there. They could not care less about anything holy. And at night they started a fire to sit around it while talking and laughing loudly in the most obscene manner. But because they went to sleep so late, they also were not up early – unlike you.

You got dressed in a black mourning gown, which was a beautiful piece made of velvet and lace. You were grieving in many ways after all – you were grieving your life that you could lose very soon and you were grieving the downfall of the fortress that had been your home for such a long time.

When you were finishing getting dressed, you looked out of the window and furrowed your brows at the sight of Adar approaching the holy trees and sitting on a bench underneath them. Was it possible that he prayed? You highly doubted that – even you were finding it difficult these days after the time you had spent with Sauron. An Elf as corrupted as Adar just could not pray, of that you were sure.

In that quiet moment in the early morning, you found your first chance to approach him but with a different attitude than on the day before. However, you were aware that the change of behaviour cannot be too sudden – otherwise, it would reek of falsehood.

Taking light steps, you walked up to Adar and even though he had to hear you coming, he did not even flinch. Only when you were very close to him, he turned his head around to look at you without a word. You did not say anything either and took a seat on the other side of the bench, clasping your hands on your lap and staring at the tree above you. He eventually stopped observing you and went back to looking at the tree as well.

“Do you pray to the Valars?” You asked calmly but with a hint of curiosity. Your eyes still remained on the benches of the tree, though. You refused to lock your eyes with him. Not yet.

Adar was not answering for a while, which made you grow nervous. But, thankfully, he eventually answered your question. Well, kind of.

“Do you?” He inquired without looking at you either.

“Nobody listens to my prayers,” you said, “but I like to come here and think.”

Adar nodded and the long silence occurred again. You were fidgeting with your fingers nervously throughout all that time but you didn’t mind him noticing that. You knew what kind of person you had to play – tough, mysterious and intriguing in a way. With a hint of darkness that would make him curious but also with a hint of innocence and nervousness that would make him feel compassion. You were sure he was still able to do it since he could treat the Orcs like children. You wanted him to pity you in a way – to pity you enough to keep you alive. And to intrigue him enough to make him want to keep you with him.

“You wore black today,” he pointed out with a smirk and finally looked at you. You turned your head around to meet his gaze and you felt your cheeks heating up. His eyes were intense and so far you caught yourself feeling all the things you wanted him to feel towards you – you were intrigued by him but you also felt sorry.

“I mourn Ostirith,” you informed him and watched his reaction but there was really none. He was as cold as a stone on the outside like he was on the inside.

Adar looked up at the benches with leaves. You looked there, too, following his gaze and from the corner of your eye, you spotted him staring at your exposed neck. You wondered what was going inside his head. Was a man like him ever thinking of women in the same way as other men did? Was he ever craving someone to be by his side? He had to be lonely.

Perhaps, you had to make him realise how much. And that he did not have to be anymore.

“What happened to you?” You broke the silence and looked at him again, which made him furrow his brows with a hint of anger. You expected this sort of reaction, so you quickly backed out. “Forgive me…” You lowered your voice and looked down, nervously.

You hoped he wouldn’t walk away and indeed – he did not. That was part of the success already, you thought. You waited patiently for his next move.

“Morgoth happened to me. Sauron,” Adar explained after a long while of silence. At the sound of your lover’s name, you felt shivers go down your body and you moved uncomfortably. You hoped he hadn’t noticed but why would he suspect you to know any of these men personally? You were only a naive daughter of the Lord Guardian of the Southlands.

“What do you mean?” You laid your eyes on him again and batted your eyelashes, trying to show him compassion with the way you looked at him. Adar hesitated before answering more of your questions.

“I followed Morgoth out of my own curiosity and thirst for knowledge and power. And then I paid the price,” he explained, sparing you the details. You wondered if it was because they were too painful to talk about or was it because he found you too delicate for them.

“Is it justified to blame them for your downfall, Lord Father?” You dared to ask. “Was it not your own pride and greed that caused it?”

Adar chuckled at that as he tilted his head to take a better look at you. You did not shy away this time, showing your inner strength.

“You are not afraid of me, my Lady,” he pointed out.

“Why would I be? I only have a week of life to live,” you reminded him. “For an Elf, that is nothing. It makes no difference to me if you kill me then or now.”

“Why would I kill you for asking questions?” Adar shook his head. “Curiosity is no stranger to me,” he added and looked away, sadly. You remained silent for another long moment, allowing him to make a decision if he should keep talking or not. “I know I have only myself to blame for what happened although I have to admit I was naive. I hoped for more than suffering. There was only pain,” Adar’s voice turned into a whisper and he looked away. 

You felt sorry for him now. You knew Sauron’s nature and you knew it was a result of Morgoth’s training of pain and suffering. You were not surprised to find out that your lover could inflict the pain on others as well. Everyone Morgoth had ever hurt turned out to be broken creatures who wanted nothing but revenge.

“Well, they are gone now, aren’t they? Morgoth and Sauron?” You asked, playing naive.

“Morgoth, surely. I cannot be completely convinced about Sauron. He is of a cunning nature. I have defeated him once but I shall defeat him again if I must,” Adar’s jaw clenched as he explained and your heart skipped a beat.

So there he was – the murderer of your beloved, right in front of you. And even though you hated him with every fibre of your being, you had to play it cool and bat your eyelashes, hoping to seduce him enough to make him want you as his companion.

But the fact that even Adar did not believe in Sauron’s disappearance from this world was giving you hope. He would come back… Of  that you were sure. He would come back and make you his Queen.

Adar’s eyes were filled with fire and hatred whenever he spoke of Sauron, so you didn’t want to continue this conversation for now. You nodded and you stood up to leave after hearing that some of the Orcs were already entering the sacred courtyard and approaching their Lord Father.

“I shall retire for now,” you explained. “It was a pleasure to talk with you, Lord Father.”

“You do not have to lie,” he snorted.

“I do not lie,” you lied. “You are different than what I thought. Forgive my rapid judgement but I was driven by fear. Have a good day, Lord Father,” you bowed your head and walked away.

On your way out of the courtyard, you walked past the filthy Orcs. You were trying your best not to flinch or wince as their eyes were following you with curiosity that was deeply uncomfortable. You did not want creatures of this sort to have any interest in you.

Even though you were trying to view them as any other species of Middle-earth, you simply couldn’t. They were too hideous and too disgusting. You knew how unfair was your judgement but you were sure that all Elves would agree when it came to the Orcs. And so would humans. Perhaps some species had only been created to make others feel unsettled.

You spent the rest of that day with your mother, cheering her up. You felt bad for her because she would pay for the sins she had not committed. You were not pure anymore and in many ways you deserved to die. Your father had turned out to be a vile creature of no backbone. But your mother was pure and innocent and she had been begging for you all to run away. She could have run away alone but she would never abandon her family. And now – because of how dutiful and loyal she was – she would die…?

You could not let that happen.

On the second day you were informed that Adar was in the library, looking through your father’s ancient collection of manuscripts. You pretended that you had not known about it and you entered the room very naturally, without paying any attention to your guest. You picked up some random volume and sat by the table, a few chairs away from the Lord Father. You were wearing your black dress again.

Adar looked up at you for a moment but when he realised you were not in the mood to talk, he just decided to ignore you as well. In the meantime, you were looking through the pages of the book you had chosen and pretended to read it in silence but in reality you were observing him from the corner of your eye.

“Are they your children because they remind you of yourself?” You asked all of a sudden while biting on your lower lip. Adar froze and looked up to lay his eyes on you. He did not say anything, so you explained. “They are damaged and do not belong with any other species. Nobody loves them but you because you know what it is like to not be loved at all,” you pointed out.

“Your father was right about your nature,” Adar cracked a smile. “You have a great intuition, my Lady,” he bowed his head to you and you smiled at his compliment. “That is not all, though. My children and I have more in common. We were all hurt by Sauron,” he explained.

“How?” You asked and titled your head.

“He wanted to enslave my children and use them like mindless tools but they are not… They deserve to live in freedom and peace,” Adar explained to you. In many ways, you felt as if he was your father who was explaining things to you in a gentle and soft manner. He was explaining to a naive daughter how the world worked.

But that was not the dynamic you were aspiring for.

“You speak of peace as if you haven’t burnt villages on your way. As if you haven’t killed the men and women who had denied to follow you. And those who had bent their knees, you have marked them like cattle. Do not talk about peace to me, intruder, when you are the one who brought the war to these lands,” you spat out and closed your heavy volume angrily.

The sound echoed through the walls as the dust raised up and danced in the air. When it fell down and the echo subdued, Adar spoke again.

“If we came in peace and asked for a piece of land to live there, would your people accept us?” Adar asked and you pursed your lips. You knew very well your answer would be a lie. Elves and humans would never accept the Orcs. Even the dwarves would not do that. “Some creatures are born with their right to live and others must fight for it,” Adar added and went back to the manuscripts.

The doors opened with a squeak and one of the Orcs entered the library. He was the one you had spotted many times before around the Lord Father and you assumed he was the closest to Adar.

The Orc took a step back at the sight of you and lowered his head a little. You could not blame him for that because you were staring at him with so much intensity and anger that it would intimidate many. Still, it felt oddly nice to see they respected you just because they could see that your kin was equal to their Lord Father. 

Despite Sauron’s corruption, you still were the bearer of the light. Nobody could tell just yet that the very root of this light was rotting deep inside of you. Especially not a common Orc. To him, you were the beacon in the middle of the ruins.

“What is it, my son?” Adar asked him but the Orc only shook his head, refusing to speak. You spotted his small eyes staring at you and you only smirked. “Do not fear her. She is a friend,” Adar explained and you furrowed your brows at that but you did not say anything.

“Well, then, my Lord Father, I just wanted to bring you the message from our scouts,” the Orc walked up to the table and handed Adar a small piece of paper.

“Thank you,” Adar took it from him gently and read it. The Orc kept staring at you with curiosity.

“I shall retire to my chambers,” you stood up and walked past them to approach the doors.

The Orc bowed his head down after you and Adar looked up at him with a furrowed brow.

“What are you doing, my son? She is not your master,” he pointed out but you didn’t hear the rest of the conversation because you walked out of the library. You wished to hear the rest of it but it would be too suspicious.

You wondered, though, why the Orcs really treated you this way. Perhaps it was not because of the light you were carrying – perhaps it was quite the opposite. What if it was them who could smell Sauron on you? Your lover had been the one who had tried to enslave them in the past. Sauron would never treat them like children and he would never be their father. He had wanted to be their master.

Seeing their fearsome and filthy army profanating your home, you somehow wanted to be their master, too. You understood Sauron now – having such an army could make you feel invincible. They respected nothing and they were hungry for blood. The only thing you could not understand was how Adar was able to trust his own children. Perhaps that should be the next question you would ask him.

On the third day you approached him in the courtyard again, still in the same black dress. This time he was sitting by the fire with the Orcs but when you walked up to him, you froze at the sight of a baby Orc sitting on his lap. You kept staring at this strange little creature with a mix of emotions – the baby was still innocent but it was not pure by any means. Because of its kin, it was doomed like the rest of them.

“Are you quite alright, my Lady?” Adar’s voice made you snap back to reality and you cursed yourself for not being the one to ask him a question first on that day.

“Yes, thank you, Lord Father,” you nodded and took a seat next to him that was empty. At the sight of you getting near the baby, the father approached Adar to take his offspring. It was the Orc from the library.

“He does not trust me,” you pointed out, although you would not trust yourself either if you were them.

“His name is Glûg,” Adar told you. “None of them trusts you. 

“Do you?” You asked and batted your eyelashes while laying your eyes on him. Adar turned his head around to look into your eyes but he was visibly confused, so you changed the tactic. “Do you trust them?”

“I do,” he nodded. “They are my children.”

“I would not trust them if they have so much in common with you,” you teased. “Do you trust yourself?”

“They are all I have,” Adar opened his hands to show you the emptiness of them.

“You are lonely,” your voice saddened as your eyes filled with compassion. It was forced but you were a trained actress and your greatest power was that no one knew about your studies or your teacher.

Adar did not like your insinuation. He moved uncomfortably and sighed as he shook his head.

“I thought higher of you, my Lady… But you are here to help your father’s agenda, are you not? You are trying to convince me,” he smirked. “I am not interested.”

“My father’s agenda is not my own. It has never been and never will be,” you clenched your jaw as your eyes filled with anger and hatred. You despised him being even mentioned and you had been successfully managing to avoid him those past few days. In fact, every reminder of being his daughter was making the blood in your veins boil. “I simply wanted to say I know what it is like to be lonely. I am, too. I have always been,” you looked into the fire, following the dancing flames with your eyes.

That was not a lie – not fully. There had been a time in your life when you hadn’t felt lonely and that was the time you had shared with Sauron. But it had not been a long time, especially compared to your whole long Elven life.

“It must be lonely for a young Elven woman to grow up in Ostirith,” Adar admitted. “Isolating.”

“It was,” you nodded, refusing to look at him again. You were scared that your current vulnerability would reveal your true self to him. “I understand you… In some ways. To have so many children, to be loved… That would surely feel good,” you admitted.

“No,” Adar shook his head. “You do not understand me. You would, if you were able to see them as your children, too. You would not preach to me about war and peace then but you would feel the need to protect them no matter what price,” he said.

“We protect what we love,” you agreed as you nodded. All you could think of was him – Sauron. Dying somewhere, all alone, killed by his own army, betrayed. And you had not been there to protect him but even if you had been… What would you do? You were not powerful enough to do anything but watch. “Even if it is a hopeless case,” you finished.

A short silence occurred and you could feel the Lord Father watching you with curiosity.

“My children are not a hopeless case,” he only said.

You stood up and wiped the single tear that had escaped your eyes before. The Orcs around the fire stopped their conversations and they looked up at you, observing your movements.

“I shall go to see my mother now,” you informed Adar and he nodded at you but you could feel his eyes following you out of the courtyard.

On the fourth day you wore a crimson red gown that had been a gift to you from Sauron. It was a risky move but your parents had believed it was a dress you had gotten yourself in Eregion so why would Adar question it? 

You felt somehow powerful while walking down the hallways of Ostirith with all the Orcs moving out of your way, staring at you with a mix of curiosity, hatred and respect. You were on your way out of the fortress because you had seen through your window Adar walking out earlier. He was probably taking a walk in the forest surrounding the fortress and you missed walking, too.

The Orcs standing by the gate did not want to let you pass, though.

“Lord Father says your family can’t leave,” one of them drawled out as he looked you up and down, pointing his dagger at you.

“I am going to him. To your Lord Father,” you tried to reason with him in a calm manner.

“I don’t believe you, Elf,” he spat out as if your kin was an insult.

“Let her go,” another voice interrupted you. You turned around and spotted Glûg. His small eyes found yours and nodded before looking down again. “Lord Father says Dark Lady is a friend.”

“Dark Lady?” You asked, surprised, but there was no time to question it because the Orcs standing by the gate hesitantly let you pass, so you just decided to use the opportunity to walk out of the fortress.

You knew they were observing you, so after crossing the bridge, you went down the same forest path you had seen Adar taking before. But when you found yourself deeper inside the woods, you actually considered taking another turn and disappearing forever.

Where would you go, though? To Gil-galad? He would immediately sense the darkness inside of you because he was made of pure light himself. And you would never forgive yourself for abandoning your mother.

No, because of her you had to follow the same path Adar had chosen. And so you did, until you found yourself by the cliff. He was sitting on the edge and staring at the Southlands below him. Those were the lands he still had not conquered.

He looked up when he heard your footsteps but he did not question how you had managed to get out of Ostirith.

“Are you not mourning anymore?” He asked at the sight of your dress.

“I have accepted my fate,” you took a seat next to him and took a deep breath at the sight of the Southlands. “Are you going to conquer it all?”

“If I must,” Adar nodded and you looked at his hands. He was holding a piece of paper there like the one Glûg had brought to him on the second day.

“Why do you send the scouts? What news do they bring?” You bit on your lower lip. You were not scared of asking questions anymore because he was not angry at you for being curious, which he had proven already.

“I have reasons to believe that Sauron is back,” Adar looked at you and you flinched. Thankfully, he must have taken that reaction as fear or disgust instead of blooming hope inside of your chest.

“And what about it?” You raised your eyebrow.

“I shall destroy him again. And again and again until my children are safe,” he answered with anger as his eyes filled with rage. Sauron was his weak spot.

“You hate Sauron more than you love your children,” you risked the statement. “You would do anything to avenge what he did to you, no matter the cost. Many of your children will die while you chase him,” you explained.

“I shall not watch him turn my children into slaves!” Adar squeezed his fist with the paper inside of it. His anger did not scare you, though. Somehow, the news about Sauron made you feel more fearless and more peaceful. Everything would be alright, all the pieces were coming together.

“Because if he does… You will be alone again. All alone,” you only pointed out softly and you stood up to walk away and go back to the fortress. “But you do not have to be.”

“Why would you follow me if not to save your life?” Adar asked and you froze after turning around already. You smiled to yourself nervously.

“Why do your children call me a Dark Lady?” You asked.

“They have not met an Elf like you before. You are different. Dark,” Adar explained.

“And you?” You turned your head around, confused.

“I am an Uruk,” he explained and you nodded.

“If I died now, I would still see Valinor. It would heal me and save me,” you revealed, “if I followed you, I would be doomed forever. Following you is not cowardice. It is an act of courage and a sacrifice.”

“Why?”

“I have always wanted more,” you admitted and turned your head around again to take the first step towards the forest but Adar wanted to ask one more question before you would go:

“If you could save only one person out of the whole fortress, who would it be?”

You did not hesitate with your answer. She was the reason for this all.

“My mother,” you told him.

On the fifth day you were sitting in the courtyard on the bench under the holy trees while the Orcs were sitting behind you by the fire. You could feel their eyes observing you but they were not bothering you and you were not bothering them. You were waiting for their Lord Father to join them to continue your game. You knew that you were running out of time.

Sitting there and looking up at the leaves, you were lost in your thoughts. You sighed and then you felt something pulling on the fabric of your dress. When you looked down, you saw the baby Orc staring up at you. At first, you winced out of disgust but you quickly hid that expression and the baby was too little to snitch on you later.

You looked around but you could not spot any worried parents looking for their offspring, so you assumed they still had not realised the baby was gone and you did not want to raise the alarm and bring everyone’s attention to yourself.

The baby Orc tugged on your dress again and then it lifted its hands up. You decided to give it a chance… Perhaps it would make you understand Adar better.

You picked the baby up gently and put it on your lap. The little Orc was actually interested in the leaves of the sacred Elven trees and it made you chuckle. You reached your hand to pick one of the leaves and use it to tickle the baby a little.

You heard familiar and heavy footsteps behind you so you turned your head around and you spotted Adar with Glûg beside him. They both froze at the sight but you did not care about the Orc at all, you focused on the Lord Father. You were staring into his cold eyes intensely as if you were challenging him.

“Forgive us, Dark Lady!” Glûg ran up to you to take his child from your arms. “Forgive my son for bothering you,” he bowed his head down.

You did not say anything to that but you handed the leaf to the baby so the little one would still have his new “toy” for a while longer. When Glûg walked away with his son, you laid your eyes on Adar again and he approached you slowly and sat next to you.

“I spoke with your father,” he started and you winced at yet another reminder of whose daughter you were. “Tomorrow at dawn by this tree,” he said and you could not understand the meaning of his words at first and then you realised he was handing you something.

A silver ring.

You nearly gasped at the sight. He claimed to be an Uruk but the traditions he followed were Elven. Where had he even taken it from? You assumed your father had given him one. You, however, were not prepared.

“I… I do not have one,” you admitted in a whisper.

“That is alright. Just have the golden one for tomorrow,” Adar attempted to actually make a joke and you cracked a nervous smile as you reached your hand towards him. “Are you sure, my Lady? There is no going back from this.”

“I am sure,” you nodded, trying to sound as firm as possible.

Oh, you were sure. You were sure that Sauron would come for you soon and he would be pleased with your cunning schemes that would help him in the end. That he would kiss you again like in the old days, that he would put the crown onto your head and make everyone in Middle-earth to bow down for you. And that he would be grateful for your sacrifice just to bring him justice… You were sure.

Adar nodded and put the ring onto your finger. When the act was done, long silence occurred between you two. Your heart was beating fast in your chest and he eventually held your hand in his, which nearly made you feel sorry for him for a moment.

“The days of loneliness are about to be over for us,” you tried to sound sweet but not too much because it would be suspicious. “I shall serve you with advice and companionship, Lord Father.”

Adar nodded at those words and his cold hand squeezed yours even tighter.

“I shall build a new life for us where we can be ourselves freely, Dark Lady.”

And when he let go of your hand to stand up and walk away, you truly felt bad for him. You hated him for hurting Sauron but he was more than that – he was hurt and sad. His pure Elven nature was twisted and the light of Valinor was gone from his soul. What he truly needed was healing even though it was too late for him now.

You would not bring that to him, though. You were a treacherous bearer of death and all you could think of on that night before your wedding was the moment when Sauron would save you and put a crown onto your head.

MASTERLIST

[jayzioxx]

Cuz i cant sleep... some slight angst following up this and this fic isn't the follow up from the poll im just sleep deprived and sad

Also WARNINGGG ooc soft emotionally ✨️mature✨️ wanderer~

Wanderer who tries to atone for his past sins realized how much he's broken [name] throughout the years. [Name] who was undeniably loyal and trustworthy, [name] who nearly gave his life away to help him reach godhood.

"You..." Wanderer muttered as he looked at [name] who was fast asleep on the sofa in his living room. He wondered if he should bring a blanket to cover that scrawny, malnourished body resting so peacefully, but he couldn't take his eyes off the bruises, cuts, and old battle scars littering the skin of those once strong limbs.

"Idiot. Nothing would have changed even if you died for me." He thought. And he was so glad that didn't happen. He couldn't have lived with himself if he caused pain for another he loved.

Wanderer's cold fingers traced around a healing wounds on [name]'s face, which was one of the many he'd gained during his final battle fought as the right-hand man of a fatui harbinger, likely from when he foolishly intercepted the rough attacks from the traveler just to buy some more time for Scaramouche.

Wanderer absentmindedly continued to carass his scarred skin, not noticing how [name] was waking from his afternoon nap.

"Sorry." He croaked, bringing a thin hand up to rub his tired eyes. "It was warm. I didn't mean to fall asleep here."

Wanderer felt a pang through his heart (despite not having one). He'd gained a lot of emotions and grew to feel things during the months he spent under Nahida and at the akademia, but [name] had only spent 3 days in this new setting after roaming around homeless for so long.

Wanderer didn't realize how lucky he was in that aspect, for being given a chance to overcome his past when his counterpart was suffering the entire time.

"Lord Scaramou- Forgi- Sorry, Wanderer." [Name] spoke, stuttering to correct his words as he was still struggling to adapt to his new life. "You were zoning out."

He was. He only noticed how much he had been thinking over things when [name] pointed it out.

[Name] was still laying on his side on the sofa with Wanderer's hand on his cheek, staring at Wanderer's face with his sleepy eyes.

The puppet moved his hand from [name]'s face to his back to gently help him sit up. Truth be told, Wanderer was scared. The man in front of him was far too thin and far too weak. Almost to the point he would fracture at a light breeze.

Without a word, Wanderer got up and went to make some tea, and the other sat perfectly still, eyes unmoving, not even turning his head. He almost seemed like a porcelain doll.

When Wanderer got back, [name] sat in the same position he had been, faced the same direction, with only his eyes following the one who had just come back from the kitched and placed a warm cup of tea in his hands.

"He's like a doll." Thought Wanderer, which only made him feel more upset. He knew he shouldn't be frustrated, that he was the one responsible, but he just wished that [name] would at least move his head a bit more, or maybe shift in his seat. Act a bit more alive.

Or, at the very least, not act like he was living dead.

"Hey." Wanderer said, carefully choosing his words and speaking as gently as he could. [Name] had a slightly uncomfortable look on his face, seemingly confused with how to respond.

"You can respond however you'd like to. Or dont if you don't feel like it." Wanderer spoke softly, noting [name]'s discomfort. [Name] just smiled, a bit relieved. He found it a bit strange to see Scaramouche so... kind.

"I'm not Scaramouche." Wanderer said. He looked apologetic.

"I won't be either." He felt like his words didn't get through to [name], but the sunken look on [name]'s face told him how much impact his words had.

"I'm sorry." He finally apologized. He didn't exactly understand why he was apologizing, all he knew was that there was a lot to say sorry for.

"If you're not him, then why are you apologizing."

[Name]'s words stung like salt on a fresh wound.

"Because I stopped being him without considering you."

Wanderer couldn't stop the bitter tears falling from the other's eyes. He seemed to have a knack for making him cry. Scaramouche's strongest general and the broken human marionette wanderer picked up.

"I'm sorry for how I used you."

...

"I'm sorry for how it broke you."

...

"I'm-" Wanderer choked."...I'm sorry for not telling you I loved you when it mattered the most."

He wasn't crying. He had much better control over his feelings than [name]. But being unable to stop [name]'s tears made him feel as helpless as he felt when he was first abandoned.

The tea had become cold and untouched, and Wanderer gently took the teacup from the other one's hands and placed it aside, engulfing him in as warm a hug he could provide. [Name] too allowed his skinny frame to be held as he quietly sniffled.

For the first time in a long, long time, both Wanderer and [name] felt as normal and human as the rest.

Meanwhile nahida accidentally spying on then through whatever weird magic she's got crying her eyes out with kaveh who's crying cuz he saw nahida crying so now the two of them dont know why the other is crying and they're crying togerther because of that.

Al haitham in the back wondering what the 🦆is going on...

[mjlovescm]

Summer memories, bonus chapter 1🍋 Rodrick Heffley

a/n: a bit worried everyone will hate this/ that its too similar to traces of you but here it its. I've had this idea for far too long and I am determined to stay consistent lol. Tell me if we are getting int too freaky territory or not yall.

Completed, 27 chapters, “She’s an angel” Rodrick Heffley x black fem reader. This oneshot is a bonus chapter to a finished fic, tell me what yall think about them ? This takes place during the fic.

content warning - nsfw, solo masterbation with someone else underwear idk ?

After the rather scandalous summer, Rodrick had spent with you. He hadn't been able to get you out of his mind. Not like he was really trying to though. Instead, Rodrick was enjoying his last few days of freedom. Sleeping late, sleeping in, and stroking himself to the filthy memories he made with you.

Most of them you were just reading, getting lost in dirty words. Sitting by the pool in your sexy pink swimsuit. But this was different; you were different. Dirty, needy, curious. In the same way, he was. Whether you wanted to admit it or not.

Opening the top drawer  Rodrick slowly pulls out the black underwear. He chuckles at the sight of the small pink bow. 

“How cute.” 

In truth, he knew that this was exactly what you wanted. The thought of it made his dick jump in his suddenly tight boxers. Rodrick remembers the way your thick brown thighs stretched the sheer material. Apart from how good you looked, he couldn't get over the idea of you getting all dressed. For him.

Almost shamefully, Rodrick balled your underwear in his hand. Before returning to his bed. Carefully, he revealed the bundle of fabric against his pale palm. Was he really going to do this ? Was it really that wrong ?

It didn't take long for Rodrick's desire to choose for him. With his free hand, Rodrick stroked his bulge over his pajama pants. Thumbs working in unison as he teased his tip and caressed the little bow. Imagining he was touching you and not this silly piece of fabric. Making you feel just as good as you made him. 

“Fuck.” he cursed quietly before taking in a sharp breath of air. 

Rodrick's brown eyes couldn't help but flutter shut at the thought of you. Slowly he rested his head back as his roaming gentle thumb became a firm, rough grip. But the friction wasn't enough. Rodrick needed more of you. 

With his pants gone, he wastes no time indulging in memories. Wetting his thumb before bringing it to his aching pink tip. Precum already dripping as he swirled the flat of his thumb. Sending instant waves of pleasure through him. Sneaky moans and shaking breaths slipping out as Rodrick began to stroke himself. 

Tightly, Rodrick held his souvenir. Soft black fabric flowing between his fingers. He wondered if you were doing the same. Chasing the same high as him. With him. 

“Faster y/n faster,” he urged you, chasing his orgasm. 

Behind his shut eyes, Rodrick remembers the way you moaned beside him. The way that small pink bow shock as you worked your fingers on your clit. The slick sounds of arousal filled his ears. So easily, you unraveled with him. Nothing like the shy, good girl everyone else knew. 

But everything, like the girl he liked, the girl you really were. One who came to his room to have sex and left with no underwear on. Who reads dirty books without a care. 

“Fuck ahh, good girl.” 

He wanted more, needed more. Abandoning his teasing touch, Rodrick quickly exchanges it for something much rougher. With both hands, he stroked himself, bucking his hips into the wet, tight mess he created. Fucking it the way he hoped you enjoyed.

Would you watch him with those brown, lustful eyes? Shudder in excitement at the sight of his dick in one hand and your underwear in the other. If he were a character in your book would hide him in your top drawer, under your pillow, like a dirty secret. Read him over and over until... until. 

Rodrick is wordless as he comes. Struggling to say your name, he can't help but call out to you. Burying the side of his face into his pillow, Rodrick turned to you. Only to be met with nothing but empty sheets and summer memories.

Fluttering his eyes open, Rodrick hesitated for a moment. Staring at the milky white ropes that now covered his hands and your underwear. He knew what he wanted to do, but instead Rodrick cautiously brought his fingers to his mouth. Humming happily as the warmth of his orgasm hit his tongue. The taste reminded him of you.

Once the high of his orgasm was gone, Rodrick's head was pulled out of the clouds. He was back on earth, left alone in his room with nothing. Nothing but memories of summer. That and your ruined underwear. 

God he missed you. His dirty angel.

my full masterlist

“She’s an angel” Rodrick Heffley x black fem reader

[argisthebulwark]

Pretty Please?

summary: Asking them to let you tie a bow around their bicep💕 gn reader, no gendered pronouns or y/n used. feat: Farkas, Vilkas, Brynjolf, Miraak, Mercer warnings: some swearing, unserious threats (Mercer) masterlist

"Oh hell yeah." Farkas isn't ashamed to admit that he flexes just a little when you wrap the cute ribbon around his bicep. He loves the excited gleam in your eye and the shameless way your hands linger on his muscles even when the task is complete. "Now what?" He laughs, enjoying the satisfied smile on your face. "You keep it there." "For how long?" "Until it falls off, I guess." You shrug, allowing his arms to wrap around you. Farkas can't help himself from drawing closer to you, there's something magnetic about being in your presence. Any silly little joke is worth seeing you smile. "What if it breaks?" "How would it break?" Oh, you've played right into his game. Farkas flexes his triceps, feeling the flimsy ribbon strain and snap around his muscles. He adores the pout you force to cover up the clear amusement when you pluck the pink fabric from his arm. "You just wanted to show off." "C'mon, tie another one. I promise to leave it all day." Of course he's true to his word. Farkas double checks your knot on the second bow, strangely invested in this one staying as long as possible. He's thrilled to talk to the new recruits about his lovely partner who'd placed it there, fingers brushing the soft fabric sentimentally each time he thinks of you.

Vilkas grumbles something under his breath, eyes never straying from his book. Behind the locks of dark hair you spot his expression, noting the lack of real annoyance. Fighting back a grin you play along with his obligatory protests. "It's just a cute little bow." "What purpose does it serve?" "I can ask someone else." You sigh theatrically, turning on your heel. Right on queue Vilkas huffs, a strong hand closing around your wrist and tugging you closer. "Just put it on." He growls just as you'd expected. He thinks he's so scary, but Vilkas sits eerily still and allows you to tie a pretty pink ribbon around his bicep. Despite his protests it remains there all day. One sharp glare shuts down the giggling from a group of whelps resting in the main hall, though the older Companions are harder to quiet. Farkas nearly combusts when Vilkas breezes past him without saying a word, his gleeful expression matched only by yours. After a few boring meetings you scurry down to the marketplace in search of your partner, thrilled at the sight of him pawing through bits of armor while merchants and civilians stare pointedly at your ribbon. It had started as a funny suggestion but seeing him now makes your heart melt. Fully aware that you're killing his tough persona, you skip closer until Vilkas' large hand instinctively reaches for you. He continues haggling with the merchant, seemingly unaware of the pink ribbon flapping in the gentle afternoon breeze. "You doin' this for all the lads?" Brynjolf smirks, holding his arm out to you. "Why?" You hum, so carefully tying a perfect bow over his muscled arm. He isn't sure why you've chosen to add a pink ribbon to his armor but for you he'd do anything. "Would that make you jealous?" "Oh, desperately." He deadpans, enveloping you in his arms. Brynjolf relaxes when you brush through his hair, grateful for the distraction from the endless stacks of paperwork towering on his desk. "Just you, Bryn." You assure him, adjusting the bow until it's perfect. "Thank the gods for that - but did ya have to choose such a bright color, love?" "Some of the recruits have been eyeing you a bit too much for my liking." You admit, sinking deeper into his touch. "Had to stake my claim." "I live and breathe for you, love." From a man who's spent decades lying and stealing, those are the truest words he's ever spoken. Brynjolf loves the excited way you fuss at his bow, ensuring it will stay in place. "What if I get called on a job? This frilly pink'll surely get me caught." "Good thing you're the best there is." "Aye, love. Got that right."

"Absolutely not." Miraak lies, resolve already cracking. He can never say to no to you for long. "Why not?" "Why should I allow this?" "I think you'll look cute." He groans at your words, fully aware that he can not resist that sweet tone of your voice. Dropping whatever tome he'd been reading for far too long he allows you to crawl into his lap. It's painfully difficult to not just give in to you. Miraak knows that his intimidating persona is all but shattered in your presence but that does not stop him from grasping at its last remaining shreds when he can. "I have slain thousands. I could end you with a word. I am not cute." "Fine." You huff, still clutching the frilly piece of ribbon. "You're pretty, is that better?" "It is not." He grumbles, putting up no fight when your fingers dance up his arm. "Would this please you?" "Greatly." His heart swells at that smile, the one you've only shown him. To the rest of Tamriel you are a being of myth, the Last Dragonborn, the only one who holds the world's fate in the palm of your hands. You could save or condemn continents with a word. Yet here you sit, face cupped in Miraak's gloved hands and pouting over a cute pink ribbon. He sighs, unable to maintain the act any longer. "As you wish, my Dragon."

"Try it and I'll gut you." Mercer grunts, content to ignore your request - until he sees the disappointment shimmering in your eyes. That excited smile fades and your hands fall to your sides and oh, the guilt kicks his ass. He turns behind the desk, disgusted by how badly be wants to please you. Wordlessly, he raises his left arm. He glares down at the list of recently recovered oddities without absorbing any information when you happily bounce closer, touch featherlight as you tie the scrap of fabric around his arm. "You markin' me for some sort of hit?" He snarks, attempting to distance himself from the sheer pleasure of you leaning so close to him. "There's easier ways to kill you, honey." Your voice is light, unaffected by his refusal. "I'm goin' away on a job for a while, I just figured you'd think of me when you saw this." Mercer grunts noncommittally once more, swallowing the words threatening to escape - you think he requires a silly bow to think of you? Every moment you're away from the Cistern he's worrying over your safety, counting the hours the job should take until his chest is tight. He doesn't mention it again, though after your departure he catches a few other thieves snickering behind their hands. He strides through the Flagon without looking at them, summoning the most cutting voice he can before speaking. "Say another word and you won't live to see sunrise."

[hansmic]

“𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗇’𝗍 𝗆𝗒 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗍𝖾 𝗈𝖻𝗏𝗂𝗈𝗎𝗌.”

han jisung x reader

summary: having a situationship brings alot of problems especially with one-sided love.

warnings: none really.

word count: 1.8k

requested by this anon.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱

When you and jisung met and became friends. At first, you didn't think you would be interested in him.

But as you guys started spending more and more time together, it was inevitable that you started to have feelings for him. One might say a crush?

As you spent even more time together, your feelings for him started to grow stronger. You might even say your feelings for him are mutual.

You just didn't have the courage to confess to him. The more time you passed with jisung, the more your feelings for him grew. You could hardly concentrate on your classes as all you could think was how much you adored his laugh, the cute way he acted when he was nervous.

Every little action that he did was so adorable to you. You just wanted him - but you didn't dare say anything. Your feelings grew even more as you and jisung got closer to the point where you both act like a real couple.

Holding hands, hugging, you even had each others phone passwords and would occasionally look through his phone for no reason. It just felt so comfortable to do that, not that you were actually trying to look for anything.

You said a bit hesitantly

"Can I ask you something?"

Jisung paused his action in the middle of brushing his hair and glanced at you. He replied,

"What is it?"

you looked at him, your heart beating fast as she prepared herself to ask something she has been wondering about.

"Why haven't you said anything? I mean, about... you know... our relationship?

jisung froze a little when he heard your sudden question but he quickly regained his composure and kept his voice calm and casual, even though he had a feeling he knew where this conversation was going.

"oh... do you mean about us being... more than just friends?"

he took a step back, widening the distance between the two of you.

"Aren't my feelings obvious...?"

You mumbled out quietly and looked away, hoping that he wouldn't notice the nervous expression on your face.

You flinched, almost as if those words had physically pained you. You looked up at him, your heart felt like it was being squeezed in a tight grip, and you asked quietly.

"So... what are we then?"

Jisung looked away, avoiding eye contact with you. He looked uneasy and uncomfortable, as if discussing this topic with you made him nervous.

"I thought we're fine like this... we don't need to label things."

You felt a pang of disappointment hearing that, but you tried to mask it to the best of your ability.

"So we're just… hanging out?"

Jisung nodded stiffly, still avoiding your gaze.

"Yeah... just hanging out. Like friends."

A bitter, bitter feeling of disappointment swirled in your chest. You forced a smile, trying to hide the pain you felt.

"Right, just... friends. Of course."

Jisung fidgeted anxiously, as if he sensed your growing disappointment. He seemed to struggle with what to say next.

"Look, it's not that I don't like doing these things with you. I really do..."

He paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully.

You watched him intently, your heart clenching painfully in your chest, feeling like it was being torn apart.

"But I just... I can't be in a relationship. Things in my life are just... complicated right now."

The words felt like a knife to your heart. You tried to force yourself to remain calm, to keep up the facade of understanding.

"I see..."

You said softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

Feeling the weight of your disappointment and hurt, you turned and walked out of the room. The door slammed shut behind you, echoing in the empty hallway.

Jisung stayed rooted to his spot, the guilt and regret clear on his face. He knew he had hurt you, but he didn't know how to fix it.

Jisung had introduced you to Mia, his girl best friend, a couple of months before everything. They seemed to get along surprisingly well, and Jisung had a soft spot for her.

It didn't surprise you that he eventually developed feelings for her, but it still stung to watch him start a relationship with Mia after dismissing your feelings.

You saw him laughing, holding hands with her, being all cute together. It was a painful sight, and you couldn't help but feel a mixture of anger and jealousy watching them together.

Jisung seemed blissfully unaware of the hurt he caused to you. He was wrapped up in his own relationship with Mia, enjoying every moment of it. Little did he know how much it was killing you.

One day, you had had enough of watching him from a distance. You couldn't take it anymore. You saw Jisung walking through a hallway, talking with Mia as you followed behind.

You decided to confront him.

You called out to him, "Jisung, wait a minute!"

Jisung stopped in his tracks and looked at you, slightly surprised to see you approaching him. Mia looked at the two of you, a puzzled expression on her face.

Jisung turned to face you, his expression a mix of surprise and something else you couldn't quite read.

"Hey... what's up?" He asked, a forced smile on his face.

You took a deep breath, gathering all your courage.

"I need to talk to you," you said firmly. "Somewhere private."

Jisung's smile faltered, and he exchanged a quick glance with Mia before returning his attention to you.

"Alright... okay..."

He said reluctantly before gesturing to a nearby empty classroom down the hall.

You nodded and walked ahead of him, leading the way to the empty room. Jisung followed behind, his mind swirling with curiosity and unease.

You both reached the empty classroom, and you quickly pushed the door open and ushered Jisung inside. Once inside, the door closed with a click, isolating the two of you from the outside world.

The air was tense, and the silence felt thick and heavy. Jisung stood awkwardly at the front of the class, looking uncharacteristically nervous.

Jisung shuffled his feet, avoiding your gaze. He knew exactly what this was about, and he was bracing himself for whatever was coming.

"What did you wanna talk about?" He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

You took a step closer to him, a mix of anger and hurt in your eyes.

"You know exactly what I want to talk about, Jisung," you said, your voice sharp. "What has been going on between you and Mia?"

Jisung froze, his heart skipping a beat. He knew this conversation was inevitable, but he had hoped it would never come.

"I... um..." He struggled to find the right words, but his mind was blank.

"Spit it out, Jisung," you snapped, your frustration boiling over. "What exactly is going on between you and Mia? Are you two… a thing now?"

Jisung flinched at your bluntness. He knew he couldn't continue to deny it, but actually admitting it out loud was incredibly difficult for him.

"Yeah... we are," he muttered reluctantly, avoiding your gaze.

You felt a pang of hurt and anger in your chest as his words sunk in, but you tried to keep your emotions in check.

"How long has this been going on?" You asked, your voice tense.

Jisung shifted uncomfortably, knowing the answer wouldn't make you feel any better.

"Only for a few weeks," he answered, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your heart ached at his confession, and you closed your eyes for a moment, trying to process the pain that came with this knowledge.

"Why... why did you do it?" You asked after a few moments, your voice shaky with emotion. "Why did you start a relationship with Mia when you knew... when I had..."

Jisung tensed at your question, guilt and discomfort etched on his face. He had been dreading this moment, and he knew he wouldn't be able to give you a satisfying answer.

"I... I didn't mean for this to happen," he said quietly. "It just kind of... happened."

You huffed in frustration, your hurt turning into anger.

"So it just happened?" you snapped. "It just happened that you started dating your friend and never thought about me? Never considered how I would feel?"

Jisung flinched as if your words stung him. He knew he was being selfish and thoughtless, but he had his reasons, or at least, reasons that he thought were valid at the time.

"It's not that simple," he protested weakly, trying to defend himself.

You raised an eyebrow skeptically, challenging his statement.

"It is that simple," you retorted, your voice still shaky but determined. "You dismissed my feelings, and then you immediately jumped into a relationship with her. You never even thought about how it would affect me."

Jisung opened his mouth to retort, but his words caught in his throat. The guilt was finally setting in, and he couldn't find a strong enough defense.

"I..." he started, but his voice trailed off, unable to deny your accusations.

You noticed the change in his demeanor, the guilt starting to eat him alive. Your anger softened, replaced by hurt and disappointment.

"What happened to us, Jisung?" you whispered, your voice breaking. "We were supposed to be friends, but somehow, it seems like I was never a priority for you."

Jisung was at a loss for words, his heart squeezed tight with guilt and regret. He had messed up, and he knew it.

"I... I didn't mean to hurt you," he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your heart ached at his words, but it didn't fully soothe the hurt you were feeling.

"But you did," you said, your voice strained. "You hurt me in the worst way possible."

Jisung closed his eyes, his head dropping in shame. The weight of guilt and regret was too much for him to bear.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, his voice small and vulnerable.

After Jisung's apology, an awkward silence fell between the two of you. The weight of the tension in the air was suffocating.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself.

"I'm leaving," you said firmly, your voice surprisingly resolute. "I can't be around you right now."

Jisung's eyes widened in surprise, and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he held himself back.

"Wait, you're... leaving?" He asked, his voice hoarse with guilt and desperation.

You nodded, your heart heavy with hurt and disappointment.

"Yes, I'm leaving," you repeated, your voice firm. "I need some space."

Jisung opened his mouth to protest, but instead, he closed it, feeling the truth in what you were saying.

"But... we need to talk about this," he said, his voice quieter now, almost pleading.

You shook your head.

"No, we don't," you replied, your voice firm as you made your way to the door. "There's nothing left for us to say to each other."

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱

hope you enjoyed!

masterlist is here

[deedeeznoofs]

Hope I Never Forget

➺ Characters: Choso Kamo, GN!Reader

➺ Word Count: 1.7k

➺ Genre: Fluff, Angst (With Comfort)

➺ Content: JJK Anime Spoilers, Mentions of Death, Grief, Choso Crying, Reverse Comfort, Established Relationship 

➺ A/N: Thank you @emmyrosee for requesting something from my 100 followers post! I hope I did your request justice!

➺ Synopsis: Choso’s fondest memory after being incarnated was his younger brothers helping him with his hair. Years later, he’s ready to relive that memory with you. 

Choso remembers that day like it was yesterday. 

It had been years since the deaths of his brothers, and while he has long forgiven the people who killed them (especially his other younger brother Yuji Itadori), he will never be able to fully recover from losing them.

As the years passed, life moved on for Choso. He no longer had to fight anymore, and even found himself in a loving relationship. Yet, every so often he still thinks about his brothers, about all the little things they couldn’t do before their deaths that he has the privilege to experience. Every birthday he celebrated, every Sunday morning he spent in bed, every late night spent laying next to his loved ones watching movies, all things his brothers have never and will never be able to experience with him.

His brothers were only able to experience one small shred of comfort before their deaths, and that was tying their older brother’s hair. The day the brothers incarnated, they insisted on tying Choso’s hair for him. The feeling of his hair being pulled into two pigtails by his younger brothers was the last memory Choso had of all of them together, and that day was the last time Choso ever saw their smiling faces. 

Choso remembers that day like it was yesterday. 

The hairstyle brought Choso a sense of comfort, it was the one thing that remained untouched by the new life Choso led as a human. Every day, Choso would take two hair ties and carefully put his hair into the familiar pigtails that his brothers did for him years prior. 

Still, tying his hair up would be a struggle sometimes. Even though it was a style that he’s done for years, some days his hair would simply choose to not cooperate. Today was unfortunately one of those days for Choso.

 Each time Choso tried to put his hair up, something would feel off. Whether it was the pigtails being uneven, his hair slipping out of the tie, or finding his hair in knots from constantly pulling on it. What seemed like two simple pigtails turned out to actually be quite difficult to put up. Yet, Choso was determined to do it correctly, he had to for his brothers.

He started tying his hair during the early morning, but enough hours had passed that the once rising sun began to set. Even as the world moved, Choso stood still in front of his bedroom mirror, trying to tie his hair perfectly…but he just couldn’t get it right. Choso began to grow frustrated with each failed attempt. He thought about how much easier this would be for his brothers, how they would be able to do it so easily. He thought about how much easier everything would’ve been if he just had them by his side. 

Choso’s chest began to tighten. He wasn’t even focused on his hair anymore, his only thoughts consisting of how much he missed his family. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes, when he suddenly heard the front door open. 

“Cho! Where are you?” your distant voice was like a lifeline for Choso, and he took a deep breath to calm himself down. He didn’t want to cry in front of you, not today. “I’m in our room” his deep voice boomed throughout the house, and you rushed to that spot the moment you heard him. You entered the bedroom to see Choso sitting by the mirror with his hair down. You looked at him confused, “You’re re-doing your hair?” you asked him. Choso stood still for a moment, he didn’t like lying to you, but how could he explain that he spent the entire day doing his hair? 

You knew Choso more than anyone though, so his silence was enough. Every so often Choso would be so focused on a task that he’d lose track of time, and you assumed this was one of those days. “Here let me help you” you said gently, but as you reached out to touch his hair Choso suddenly stood away from you “No!”.

You immediately move your hands away from him, staring at him wide-eyed. Choso never yelled at you, so you were concerned about something being wrong. You look at Choso now standing, as looks shocked at his own behavior toward you.

You see Choso’s body tremble as he slumps down into the floor. The tears he tried so hard to hold back now freely falling down his cheeks as he sits in a seated fetal position, trying his best to make himself as small as possible. “I– I can’t…” he whispers to himself, but you are able to hear it. As you slowly sit next to him, you are able to hear his full sentence “I can’t do this… not without them” you hear him repeat over and over in between soft whimpers.

You know immediately who he’s talking about. You slowly inch closer to Choso, making sure he’s comfortable with your distance between each other. You breathe out a sigh of relief when you feel Choso lean into you, connecting your bodies together. 

“I’m sorry for yelling…” Choso says softly, his own breathing calming down the moment his body touches yours. You wrap your arms around him, making sure to speak softly to not frighten him more “It’s okay Choso… but why won’t you let me help you?”. You didn’t want to make assumptions, you wanted Choso to tell you his feelings directly.

Choso thinks for a moment, choosing his words carefully when he says “No one other than my brothers ever touched my hair. If I let someone else do it now… what will it mean for them? What if I forget the day they did it?” Choso makes himself even smaller than before, shuddering at the thought of one day forgetting his baby siblings. 

Hearing his words breaks your heart, and you can’t help but put your hand to his cheek and wipe away the warm tears from his eyes. Caressing his cheek, you say “I won’t do it for you if you really don’t want me to… but you would never forget your brothers, and I’m sure they would want you to ask for help when you need it”. You touch your boyfriend’s forehead to your own. Looking into his eyes, you see him trying to contemplate his thoughts “Are you sure…?” he asks, trying his best to trust you at this moment. 

You smile softly… still holding Choso’s body close to yours, “Completely”. 

The both of you take a seat on your shared bed. Choso, feeling soft and comfortable, leans into you as you comb your hand through his tangled hair. He still felt a bit odd feeling someone else touch his hair in this way, but eventually he was able to fully let go and allow you to take care of him. It helped that your touch was gentle, making sure to not pull too hard. You didn’t rush with his hair, something that even Choso did sometimes when he put his hair up. He hasn’t felt this good in a long time. 

You continued gently brushing his hair, making sure to get rid of all of the little knots that appeared. Choso felt his eyelids get heavier as you massaged his scalp, and while he tried his best to stay awake, his eyes continued to close for longer and longer periods of time before he finally succumbed to slumber while sitting down. 

You didn’t notice that Choso fell asleep at first, continuing to gently brush his hair until it was completely untangled. You eventually took two hair ties and securely tied his hair into two pigtails… making sure to keep his bangs down, just the way Choso liked it. Finishing up, you exclaimed “Perfect! My boyfriend is so handsome” with a giggle in your voice. 

When you don’t hear Choso respond you get slightly worried, wondering if you did something wrong. That was until you heard him softly snore and realize he’s completely asleep. You can’t help but let out a soft laugh, making sure you aren’t loud enough to wake him up. You slowly turn him toward the pillows and lie him down with his hair still up. 

You softly kiss Choso’s lips and lay on his chest, feeling him rise and fall as he breathes in and out in his sleep. Feeling comfortable with your boyfriend’s warmth enveloping your body, you feel yourself slowly fall asleep on his chest, your heart beating with glee at Choso allowing himself to be vulnerable with you and being brave enough to share a part of himself that he hadn’t before. Eventually, you feel your eyes completely close, with your last thought before completely falling to sleep being your loving boyfriend.

After a few hours, Choso is stirred awake and he wakes up. “What happened?” he sits up confused as he rubs his eyes. Your lying figure next to him helps him relay his memories slightly. Right. You were doing his hair when he must’ve fallen asleep.

He sees you asleep and he can’t help but kiss your forehead. Still feeling the ties around his hair, he gets up to look at himself in the mirror. You did an amazing job, and two pigtails still stand proud on his head even after his sleep. 

A big goofy smile is plastered on his face as he admires your work. He thinks about his brothers once again, that soft feeling of familiarity as he allowed them to take care of him. He thinks about you and how you allowed him to feel that feeling once again with your gentle touch and understanding. Grief is no easy feat, and Choso has to go through that grief every day. Still, he thinks about you and how you comforted him today through such a small action, and he can’t help but smile.

He was so afraid of taking away the memory of his brothers by letting you tie his hair, but he realizes that it isn’t true at all. His brothers will forever live in his memory now through the both of you, and he feels them all around now more than ever. He was going to be okay, because he had you. 

Choso remembers that day like it was yesterday… and he hopes he never forgets. 

A/N: So…I have a prequel made for this story of Choso’s brothers doing his hair. It was originally supposed to be part of this post but after writing it I realized it didn’t really fit so I decided to just make it a separate post. I’ll be posting it tomorrow! 

A/N: Love Choso? This story also features him!

Taglist: @emmyrosee

[painted-flag]

OF FLOWERS AND DEATH - aemond targaryen

Chapter 16: Every Little Thing

☾⋆⁺₊✧ dark elf!Aemond Targaryen x f!human!reader series. ✧₊⁺⋆☾ series masterlist. ☾⋆⁺₊✧ word count: 4.3k ✧₊⁺⋆☾ series warnings: 18+ depictions of violence/gore, eventual smut, warfare, sickness/disease, some moments of misogyny, and mentions of alcohol consumption. ☾⋆⁺₊✧ Death's hand extends towards the unwilling.

You carefully put on an intricate gown made for you. As you were back at the capital, you had worn their elvish clothes for the first time since you left on the trip. The journey to Lake Rosemange was spent in your more modest human clothes. You had thought it was a welcome feeling, but it did not hold a candle to the feeling you had wearing the soft and luxurious elvish fabrics. Amara had chosen the gown as you broke your fast with them in your room. It had been a while since you could speak to them and was refreshing. 

“Imagine her surprise when he returned with another’s undergarment in his pocket!” Liriel had spoken. The two had been catching you up on courtly gossip. As much as you wanted to not partake in such gossip to maintain a more elevated persona, you could not help but revel in it. The scandals all lured you in. It was far more entertaining than any town square shows put on where you had lived. 

As Amara tied the laces on the back of your dress, your gaze swept up to your bed. Within the pillowcases lay the scouting record and book found in Cole’s room. Thinking of it made your throat close and muscles tighten. When Amara stepped back and went to join her wife on the settee, you sucked in a breath. 

“I think I’ll choose my jewellery for the day.” The underlying meaning behind your words was not lost on the two elves. You wished for a moment of solitary peace. They got up from their seats and bid you a quick goodbye. 

When they had left, you made your way to the vanity. While scanning over your options, your eyes kept moving toward where the scouting log and Cole’s book were kept. Your fingers brushed over the cool metal of a necklace you found particularly pleasing and knew it would compliment the expanse of the bare neck that was exposed from the dress. You put it on and then walked to your bed. 

The items were calling to you. You shakily pulled them both out from under the pillows and laid them on the plush blanket of your bed. You dragged your finger across the black cover and ruminated on the information Aegon had gathered. The whole night was spent drifting in and out of sleep. You were reeling from the information. Cole was one being you knew was not trustworthy. He was slimy and vile, but was there really enough hate in him to be a purveyor of the dark arts? 

You were caught between multiple points. You wished to mourn; for your father, Lyra, and everyone else who had perished from the taint. Yet your body was pulled towards your duty as a healer and passion as a researcher to find a cure no matter the cost, regardless of your health and sanity. Then, more recently, another point had driven itself into your chest. It was a matter of a single blue eye that threatened to swallow you each time you gazed into it. The point, driven like an anchor, pushed you overboard and into murky waters; pulling you down from all those other cares to think of nothing but him alone. 

The gods had been cruel, exceptionally so, to test your patience by sending such a siren call in the form of Aemond.

You once again scanned the items in front of you. There was something there. There is some underlying meaning behind the discovery of this information. It was a trickery. The scout's log showed Cole’s presence in the area and the book was damning that he was capable of some kind of evil – or at the very least an untrustworthy interest in darker things. The main cause of your distress was Aemond’s possible part to play in all of it. He and Cole were nearly inseparable, always talking to one another. There was a strong bond, one which would naturally lead to sharing information between one another. 

During your thinking, a knock on the door jolted you out of it. While you normally would have made haste to hide the items, your brain had been working overtime as of late. It led to you not caring much at all anymore. You looked over your shoulder to see Aemond walking into your room. You turned your head to the bed, keeping your back facing him. You could not look at him. 

Cole likely played a part in hurting – nay killing – your father; to which Aemond could have known about it.

It would suit Aemond not to tell you. The taint was a burden on both kingdoms. He could use you for your talents, recognizing that they may have made a mistake in killing your father before he could find a solution. He planned to have you make the cure, or at least get close, and then dispense you. Your kingdom would be none the wiser of such misdeeds and a conflict would be avoided. The elf kingdom could use the cure on themselves only and sit back as your people died out. 

That was the ultimate goal of the Great War so many centuries ago – at least what had been taught to you. 

You steeled yourself and crossed your arms to soften your emotions, “What can I do for you, your grace?” You wanted him to leave before you broke down – before you confessed all that you discovered and demanded an answer. Though you knew, it was far too late to go back. His presence alone weakened you. You were beholden to Aemond and thus unable to keep anything from him.

“I was coming to check on how you were settling back in,” Aemond answered. You wanted to scoff at his possible fake care, but at the same time fall into his arms. The supposed dichotomy between the two mocked you with similarity. 

“Everything is good, my things have been unpacked.” You responded as you looked out the large windows of your room and towards the garden. 

“I did not mean your things,” His footsteps sounded closer as he walked further into your room, “I meant, how are you handling everything? With Lyra…” 

You sucked in a breath and held back the tears that threatened to spill. Your lungs shuddered, but you remained steadfast in your bubbling malcontent. You could sense him standing at the bottom of the three steps that led up to the loft area of your room where your bed and personal study were. 

“I’m still mourning,” You then turned to face him and looked down upon his form. Seeing him, the unadulterated care in his eyes and softened face made you question your knowledge. Surely, this could not have been all a ruse? Surely he is not such a good actor as to make you fall for these falsities.  

“Of course, I–” Aemond had begun, but you cut him off. 

“But I’m mourning my father as well,” Aemond gave you a questionable look, as the last conversation with your father ended on the mutual understanding that he could still be alive, “I know he’s dead.” 

“Why would you say such a thing?” Aemond placed one of his feet on the steps as if to walk up to you, but saw you take a step back. Your flinch looked as though it slapped him, for he took his foot off the step and moved his hands behind his back to show he was not a threat. His eye seemed to flit about your room with nervousness. 

“You told me there were no reports of humans in that area in the last century and I was stupid to believe it.” Your voice was just above a whisper and cracked by the end. It was not fair to accuse him of what you were thinking, but in your grief, you made stupid decisions. 

“I told you the truth of it. What would I gain by lying to you?” Aemond responded. 

“A victory. My father murdered by Cole then another human to use for a cure and then dispose of when the time comes. Once done, you can protect the elven kingdom and watch mine burn, as some kind of late victory from the Great War.” It was wrong to throw that at him, so terribly wrong; especially how he had poured his heart out to you on why such a war started. However, your mind was clouded with mismatched pieces of evidence that you struggled to string together coherently. 

A shift was made in Aemond’s continence, “You think this is some plot to destroy your kingdom? You accuse my good friend and ally of murder?”

“That day in the forest, when you saved me, you told me that every little thing is out to kill.” It felt so long since that day, but truly only a month ago. The way his sword was aimed at your neck came back into your mind, vivid and clear. He had only spared you, just slightly, and you were supposed to be thankful for it. Like not killing you was a gift. Perhaps, he should have just done the job and been rid of you. Now, the same look you gave him after such a threat was directed at you; confusion, shock, and a little bit of fear from Aemond. 

“There were plenty of times in which I could have killed you, but I didn’t. Now I know you are angry and confused but…” He paused and backed up, his eye darting around to not look at you, “I revealed parts of myself to you that…” His voice got caught in his throat.

“Words said in heat are often more destructive than battles.” It was a whisper, as if he was recalling it from a deep memory from his past. His hands tightened into fists and he leaned on the balls of his feet, “I have told you the truth as you are my friend. Let us not fight when tensions are high. We shall talk later.” 

You wanted to scream at him, to lug one of the pillows on your bed directly at his head. How could he be so reasonable? Gods, why was he so reasonable? You wanted confrontation. With it, you could get answers. However, all Aemond did was look at you. His face held traces of grief but still had pieces of reverence. It was heavy, the way he gazed upon you with such fondness and an equal amount of intense emotional pain.

Aemond nodded before swiftly turning to exit your room. His hair swerved with him. The sound of the door closing, bordering on a slam, was what broke you. Tears escaped your eyes and you had to hold up your body on the bed from collapsing. 

Clarity instantly washed over you in one giant wave. Aemond had been nothing but forthright with you – especially since he revealed the origin of his scar. He was rude at first, but there was a perfectly clear reason why. Yet, you had taken that and thrown it in his face. The wave of clarity that washed over you swept back into the ocean of your emotions, leaving behind a shell in the sand of your mind. 

The shell shined and held a simple truth within it. The answer to the one burning question that was always piqued when Aemond would look or talk to you. It always bugged you, that you could not find a reason why your heart would beat quicker and heat would wash over your face. 

You were falling in love. 

It was not what you expected. All your life, a simple path had been laid in your mind. Meet someone, gradually come to like them, and then eventually build the foundations of love. It would be calm and come slowly. There would be time to adjust to it. The motions of the ocean would gently lick at your feet as the tide rose over time. 

Yet, Aemond came and built up a storm; water eroding rock and pummeling the sand. While violent, his storm would never harm you, but you had just harmed him. You could not say you were in love, but there was no denying that it had begun to wrap you in its embrace. 

You shoved the items back under your pillow haphazardly and then moved quickly down the steps and toward your door. You needed to get out of that room – to get away from what just happened. You shakily walked down the dark stone hallways of the castle and towards the laboratory.

Here, you could think clearly and devise a plan to apologize to Aemond. 

You walked to the main study desk and rested your hands against the worn wood. You looked out at all of the items and ingredients laid on the surface, including some of the recent samples you collected from Lake Rosemagne. 

While looking at the ingredients that composed all your recent experiments, including the one that successfully halted the taint, all you could think about was what the book found in Cole’s room and the scouting record. Images of the pages moved across your vision when you had flipped through it. The page you had stopped on with the mortua terra flower and a crude sketch of Lake Rosemagne settled in you. 

Your eyes squinted as you took in all the items in front of you. There was a scratching at the back of your brain; an itch that got worse and worse. It was there, like the forgotten phrase on the tip of one’s tongue. There was an answer clawing at you through a murky haze. Your gaze moved from the vials of lakewater that were collected, then moved to the mortua terra flower, and then it drifted towards another table in the laboratory. 

In a small vase was the elf azure flower. It had been your preferred perfume scent when you came to this kingdom. There was always a vase full of them in the lab, you had made sure of it. You had noticed them growing in the forest when you came back from a short trip out to your home with Aemond. His words came to mind when you glanced at the budding flowers. 

Giēñagon syt se gīs.

Cure for the soul.

That was the elf superstition. Yet, wisdom oft comes from superstitious knowledge that had been passed down for longer than earth's memory. Like a shot arrow, an idea hit you like never before in your life. 

Of course.

Of course, it makes so much sense.

You had been correct in assuming that a cure would need two big components that cancel one another out. At first, it was the poison against poison, which only lasted for a few seconds. Then you tried using dark magic against itself, which halted the spread of the taint in both plant and body but was not a definite cure. What if you used another arena to fight in? Instead of using the infected host as a fighting ground for the potion to act against, would it not be worth it to have the fight be in the potion itself? 

The mortua terra plant against the elf azure flower. The mortua terra was a symbol of death, but the elf azure meant light. 

In Cole’s book, you saw a drawing of what looked like the outline of Lake Rosemagne with the mortua terra flower and a myriad of weird symbols and sketches. If you used the lake water as a base – for it is believed to have balancing powers – it would have to make some form of an impact as they were on opposite sides of the magic spectrum.

This was truly a new frontier for you, but you were determined to follow it through. You wasted no time in expertly assembling all of the ingredients you would need. Your hand grabbed a nearby stick to transfer the flame from one of the torches on the wall. You lit up the bottom portion of a holder for one of the empty cauldrons. Then you took a sample of water from Lake Rosemange and brought it to a calm simmer. 

You followed out with the rest of the ingredients that made the complete base for your last experiments that had been tweaked by Daeron to be stronger. The whole time, your hands had been shaking slightly and you had to take a few breaks to calm down. This morning and the day prior had been a whirlwind of emotions. They compounded in you, but you swallowed it all down to do your work. This was not a brew you wanted to mess up. 

The last step was the two flowers. You put on gloves to handle the mortua terra and plucked a few of the petals off of it, which gleaned a light purple in the dull torchlight.

Just as you were going to place them in the brew, the door to the laboratory opened. Your back was to it, but you could tell that this time in the mourning was around when Daeron would start his day and assumed he had come in.

“I’ve just had the biggest epiphany. It was all wrong, well, it was all correct as well. It's hard to explain, but I think using the water from Lake Rosemagne in combination with mortua terra and elf azure has the possibility of making real change,” You received no response, but truly it did not bother you. So much of your attention and energy was going into this. 

When the silence dragged on, you continued, “This just might work, Daeron. Gods, what if it does?” You plopped the dark petals in the water and went to reach for the azure. After, you would need to cut your hand. 

“I did not think you would figure it out so quickly.” It was not Daeron’s voice, but a deeper, more venomous one. You halted in your ministrations and turned around. There Cole stood with a look of wroth in his eyes. In his hands was his tome and a copy of the scouting papers. He had been in your room and you could not help but wonder just how often he had done that before.

He held up the items, “You think I'm stupid enough to not notice these went missing?” 

You swallowed hard and backed against the desk. There was no other means of escape for you except the other door on the other side of the room that led to the sick hall. However, its distance was just far enough that if Cole were to run he would get you before you could even call for help. 

“You said it, not I.” You spoke. There were a million scenarios that came into your head. Ways he would kill you, possibly knock you out to take you away and torture you. There was no happy ending – not even a tame one. His actions confirmed an underlying suspicion of yours. He not only was dabbling in the dark arts but had something to do with the taint. 

“You think you’re funny?” He stepped forward. 

“From time to time, I do have some good quips. What the hell were you doing in my room?” You confronted. On the inside, you were quaking like a leaf, but you could not show it. Cole would not see your fear. 

“I could ask you the same thing. This book was in my room.” Cole responded. You could not out Aegon as your accomplice, you could not stomach putting him at risk any more than he was for helping you. This was your burden, not his. He was only being a good friend. 

“What are you doing with a personal journal on dark magic?” You hit him back with that one. His gaze darkened and he dropped his held-up arm with the items still clutched feverishly. 

“I’ve told you before, humans should stop trifling in matters that do not concern them. Bad things can befall such… unsuspecting souls.” You could not tell what it was, but there was some underlying meaning beneath his words; a sick joke embedded in his malcontent. 

You were in danger. You could feel the imminent dread claw its way through your body. In the corner of your eye, there was a wooden box on the table that held a bunch of loose-leaf pieces of parchment, ink bottles, and quills. You and Daeron shared similar scattered minds and often needed to quickly jot things down and could not wait to find your journals lest the idea slipped from your mind. 

If you could grab that and throw it at him, it may give you enough time to run to the door and get away or at the very least scream for help in an area that may be heard. He seemed to catch on to your wandering eye and clue together what you were thinking.

In a split second, he dropped the items to run to you, but by then you had grabbed the box and thrown it at his face. The ink and flying parchment temporarily blinded him and you made for the door to the sick hall. 

After just a step, searing pain hit your side. You stumbled and stopped running, the air in your lungs having been knocked out by the force. You felt a weird mix of pain and numbness. Looking down, you could see the hilt of a dagger poking out from your side. Your shaking hands reached down to feel the escaping blood. You looked back up to see Cole with a curled sneer as he observed you.

Cole moved forward. You barely stumbled back by the time he used one hand to grip your throat and hold you in place while the other went to grasp the knife’s handle. 

“Your kind lives for so little, yet take so much.” He drove the knife further into you which caused you to cough violently at the intense anguish. Cole released his hold and you dropped to the ground among the strewn-out mess you made. All you could do was sob out, every ability to move your body had stopped.

He kneeled to be in your vision, “You will bleed out, just like your father.” 

Ice washed over you. He not only played a part in the creation of the taint, but he had murdered your father. Likely because he had been near Lake Rosemagne – one of the vital ingredients in the cure. It made you feel sick that he died simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

A genius who strived to make a difference by helping people had been killed by a coward. 

“You fucking bastard,” You coughed out. You made a futile attempt to move towards him, possibly hitting him, but it was difficult to even move. 

“Ah, but at least I’ll live. As an added benefit, it's laced with the taint.” Cole taunted. As if stabbing you was not enough, he had put some of the taint on it to be sure you would die. There was no limit nor measure of hate this elf would not cross. 

Another thought came to you. Aemond had been telling the truth and had no clue about your father's murder. Most of all, he had no inkling to Cole’s misdeeds. The closest member of his council was seeking to kill the world for reasons unknown to you. 

He will never know, you thought. This was it. You were dying. Cole pulled out the knife that had been stopping most of the blood flow. He then stood up and made his way to the exit, giving you no more words. 

The fucking coward could not even see it through before leaving the scene. 

You needed to warn Aemond and everyone else. You needed to pass on the idea for the cure. As much as you wanted to get Cole for what he had done to your father, that held little importance when compared to the rest of the realm. Your hand waved around the floor to find a quill. You scrambled for some parchment and dragged the tip of the quill through a blot of spilled ink. Your hands could not still, but you wrote with a frantic nature as you bled out on the ground. There would be no time to write out a step-by-step guide, but some hints would do. 

Mother’s flower, 

Lake water, 

Every little thing, 

You hoped it would be understood by Aemond. You could not risk outright writing that Cole was a traitor for fear that he would see it and immediately hide the evidence. With this, at least there was a chance. The flower that Aemond’s mother adored, the azure, in combination with the lake water was the key additives to the previous experiment. The final line was more personalized, hinting at the words of advice he had given you – aimed at exposing Cole. Your vision became darker as spots clouded it.

He would piece it together, you knew he would. 

You turned around to lay on your back and stretched out your arms. The parchment you had written in was clutched in your hand. You closed your eyes and waited. This was not how you ever thought you would go out. Like many, you had hoped it would happen at the end of a long and satisfying life in which you went to sleep and never woke up. 

You were too young for this, but alas, Lyra was also young and your father was too kind for the deaths they faced. 

Nothing was ever fair. You took in one last breath; a slow inhale where you could smell the floral scent of the azure flowers that filled the room. Shortly after, you exhaled your last breath. With it, your consciousness fled.

Chapter 17: The Winds of War Preview

Again, that was not unusual. However, when he knocked again with a little more force to make sure he was heard, Aemond was surprised by the slow creaking it made as it opened. It was ajar, which was unusual. His fingers gripped the handle and he pushed it open. His gaze was lowered and noticed the strewn about papers at first. His brow furrowed as he scanned the area further until… 

Gods no… 

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[kittycatpopprincess]

***

“Now, dear, would you like to choose a name?”

***

The voice filled its head as it slowly came to. Its eyes were open, it was sure of that; Yet it could not yet see the face of the person humming the sweet lullaby reaching its ears. As it began to struggle in panic, a hand came to rest on its shoulders.

“You’re already awake,” the voice spoke in a soothing tone. “I must apologise, I spent so much time stringing you up. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Please, wait here, I’ll put in your eyes right away.” Just like that., she waked slowly to somewhere farther in the room, before returning to its side, getting to work. The cold sensation of a metal instrument surprised it as its bottom lid was stretched out a bit, and a small, round object was carefully inserted in one eye, then the other.

“There,” the voice spoke again, “try to blink a few times. It will be uncomfortable at first, even in this dim light. You’ll be seeing with those eyes for the first time, after all. You’ll need time to adjust.”

It blinked, and blinked again, and slowly, vague shapes and splashes of colour came into its view, some reds and yellow. It blinked a few more times. The details were fuzzy, blurring together no matter how hard it tried. Noticing the discomfort, the woman spoke up again in a worried voice.

“Oh, are you having trouble seeing, dear? Eyes are such a finicky little thing, they’re hard to get just right. I tend to make mine near-sighted.” Saying this, she took off her own glasses, flipping them and placing the temples upon its ears carefully. It blinked some more; Its eyes strained a bit as its vision gradually became clearer. It was in an opulent room: Heavy curtains of red velvet and golden thread barred the light of day outside from coming in. The fabric covered the furniture as well, a fainting couch in the corner and an arm chair in front of the fireplace. Its attention, however, fell upon the face of the one to whom the voice belonged. A mature-looking woman, her kindly gaze fixated upon it, observing its reactions with some careful apprehension.

“Back to the matter at hand. You will need a few days to learn everything again,” she explained. “How to move, how to speak, it will all take some time. In the meantime, you can try and think of a new name, if you wish. I’d be delighted to name you myself. But you’re not just any old doll, dear. It would be cruel of me to not let you decide upon your own name if you want.”

A doll. With some effort, it tilted its head downwards. There, in its lap were folded a pair of cream-coloured porcelain hands. And sure enough, in lieu of knuckles lied fragile balls, each allowing the fingers limited movement for now. It tried to grasp at its emerald green dress, then let go again. Grasp, and let go. It repeated the movement a couple of time, slow and hesitant.

“Ah, but I have yet to introduce myself!” Exclaimed the woman, drawing the doll’s gaze back up. She carefully held its hands in hers. “My name is Hélène, dear doll. I like to think of myself as my dolls’ mother.”

***

Learning the piano was no simple task for anyone. Least of all a doll who had just awakened. Yet, here it was, sat in Hélène’s lap, its fingers hesitantly hovering over the keys, carefully coming down, almost fearing a wrong note. A timid chord rang out through the large and empty concert hall, barely more audible than the metronome ticking away next to a doll.

“That is very good, dear.” Hélène praised her doll, gently running her fingers through its hair. “Now, try to keep time. One, two, three, one, two, three…” She instructed, as the doll shifted its gold-streaked fingers into position for the next chord. The doll had already broken its fragile fingers by accident, and Hélène had spent much time putting great care into piecing the porcelain back together, leaving thin ring-like cracks filled with gold. Another timid chord. “That’s it, dear. Relaxed and loose. Now, try to sing the words.”

A doll reared its head, minding its posture, mimicking a habit no doubt retained from its previous life. Yet, as the next measure came, no sound was heard. Hélène pressed a kiss atop of the doll’s head.

“A doll is sorry, mama.” It spoke in a whisper. It was still so strange, speaking let alone singing through its closed, immobile lips.

“What for, dear? A doll did nothing wrong.” She reassured it. “I am certain your voice will be beautiful when you find the courage to sing. And, when you are more familiar with your body, you will have my opera house all to yourself, so you can practice as much as you want.” The doll remained silent, slowly retracting its hands back onto its lap. “Should we maybe get some fresh air? Would you like another tea party on the beach?” A doll slowly acquiesced.

***

The waves were calm today. Despite the soft pitter-patter of rain upon the sand and the umbrella covering them both, there was little wind. All things considered, it was a beautiful day for a tea party. A doll sat on a blanket, its poofy navy dress outfitted by Hélène for the occasion. It held the fragile cup in both its hands, the heat from the undrinkable tea only a distant sensation. Despite its glasses, a doll had trouble discerning the cup’s edge: It seemed to merge with its own hands, waxing and waning, where a doll’s own porcelain would seem to overtake the cup.

“What are you thinking of, dear?” Hélène asked a silent doll, its eyes fixated on the cup in its hands. “Have you chipped your fingers again?” She continued as her gaze turned worried, carefully grasping a doll’s hand to examine the delicately sculpted limb. With a hesitant voice, a doll finally spoke up.

“Mama, what was a doll’s old body like?” Hélène fell silent for a second, thinking of how to word her answer in a way that would not upset the doll.

“Why are you asking, dear?”

“A doll’s body still feels odd, and not quite like its body. Yet this feels familiar.” At a doll’s word, Hélène fell silent. “Has a doll ever felt at home in its body, mama?” Her fingers shaking a little, Hélène leaned forward, cupping a doll’s face in both her hands, and pressing a kiss upon its forehead. Like clockwork, a doll’s eyelids fell closed.

“I cannot say for certain, my doll. I only know of the body I found you in,” She whispered against its porcelain skin. “It was a beautiful thing, however. A deep blue shimmering under even the dimmest of light. It was like looking up at the sun rays from deep into the sea.”

“Was it really so beautiful, mama?”

“Of course. A doll looked so pretty, in this body you haunted for so long.” A doll kept its eyes closed, trying to imagine the look of such a body. “You know,” Hélène continued, “I have kept your old body. To me, it holds the fond memory of me finding you.” A doll was silent, unsure of what to say, and as it tended to do in those moments, its limbs started to grow limp and it started to fall forward. Hélène caught a doll in her arms. The teacup escaped its hands, the now lukewarm liquid spilling over and leaving a faint spot upon the dark fabrics of both their dresses. She gently giggled, patting the top of its head. “I meant to say that, if you are curious, I could show you this old body of yours,” she murmured to it. The rain had stopped, and over the horizon, the clouds had started to part, revealing the timid rising moon in the distance. Its body still limp in her arms, it merely murmured back. “I would like that, mama.”

***

This was increasingly natural to it. If at first, it would tense up as soon as it felt itself slip away, a doll came to find, day after day, that falling limp, relying on its mama and the bands inside itself to hold a pose, was the most relaxed it had ever felt. Naturally, it felt perfectly at peace as Hélène handled its hands with great care, resting them around the small porcelain urn. It was small, round and heavy, and sealed by shimmering resin. The dark porcelain indeed felt familiar to a doll, and as Hélène got to work at her easel, capturing the odd family picture (as she had described it to a doll), it looked down, pondering the surface. It was indeed a beautiful object, a body it could only now appreciate after haunting it for… How long exactly? It couldn’t remember. Nor could it remember if it ever had haunted any other body, besides the one now in its hands. Again, it felt its vision falter, the urn becoming part of itself once more. It didn’t mind, however. Such a beautiful thing was not unpleasant to be. A doll caught the faint reflection of its doll face upon the smooth surface, and found itself amused as it wondered: If it was both the doll and the urn, then what was it really, the reflection of its face or the one beholding it? It giggled at the thought, as it started to imagine one case then the other, back and forth.

“A doll is always beautiful, you know,” spoke Hélène. “Dolls are such pretty things, no matter what.” Careful, practised strokes of the brush applied large strokes of colour on the canvas, the hair letting out a faint, gentle rustling along Hélène’s steady motions. “There is little, in this world, more precious than a doll’s joy as it gazes upon its own body; Than a doll who loves its own beauty, as it is loved by others.”

“Then, mama,” a doll tilted its head, “Do dolls sometimes learn to make dolls as well?” Hélène’s smile grew fonder at the question, and she acquiesced.

“They do, dear doll. I have known dolls who, once they had learnt my craft, chose a new name, crafted a new doll, and enchanted it to inhabit it.” She picked up a finer brush.

“They must have been beautiful…” A doll sighed, trying to imagine how it might fashion its own body.

“They were indeed.” Hélène nodded, returning her attention fully to the canvas. Slowly, another question bubbled into a doll’s mind, one it was unsure how to even formulate. Still, it spoke up, more timid than before.

“Why do you love dolls so much, mama?” She paused, taking a long glance at the urn tucked into a doll’s hands, a gleam of light in her gaze as she thought of how to best answer her doll.

“I suppose I am still a bit childish,” she answered, visibly amused at the realisation. “There is a singular beauty in dolls. Rather, one that dolls embody perfectly.” She paused once more, now observing a doll in full. “There is beauty in creation, I think. And thus beauty in all constructs.” A doll fell silent, thinking over the answer, as Hélène returned to her painting. It weighed the words, slowly, repeatedly. “There is beauty in creation,” it repeated to itself, focusing, and soon forgetting all other thoughts, all other sensations, until it fell asleep with one last echo of these words.

A doll woke up sometimes later, to its mother kissing the top of its head, gently rubbing its shoulders. Rousing from its sleep, its eyes opened, and through the glasses atop its nose, its gaze fell upon the easel, now turned to face it, mounted with a coloured canvas. It peered at the portrait, noting how the gold shimmer of its fingers drew the eyes to the midnight blue hue of the urn, blending into the folds of its assorted dress. Finally, the thin, golden glasses framing its face, so similar to mama’s own. It had seen its own face before, of course. And yet, seeing each of its details so carefully captured by a caring hand… Yes, this was its true self. And looking at the painting, and being looked at the self in the painting, it felt pretty.