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#and I’m sorry that you’ve been made to feel like you’re not worth loving
explode-this · 8 months
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Re: last reblog:
The thing that finally flipped the switch, that got me from Bulimia All Day Every Day 24/7/365 NEVER STOP, was realizing that if I was ever going to be well I had to accept one very simple thing:
Being fat is not the end of the world.
This is not easy thing to accept, because we live in a world that says exactly that. Where you can read whole Twitter threads full of self-loathing people who would rather die early of a disease that requires the use of steroids to control than be made fat by their medication. Where doctors might not find your cancer until it’s way too fucking late because they assume any sign of ill-health is because you’re DEATHFAT (that’s what people generally mean when they say “obese,” so I’m just not sugarcoating it—plus I feel so much more metal blithely describing myself as not just fat but DEATHFAT). Where the merest hint of fat body representation in conjunction with positivity brings out a mewling crowd of Concerned Citizens™️ to sniffle and say “well I’m all for body positivity, but some people take it TOO FAR.”
I had to go on a calorie-restricted diet before I had my gallbladder out last April. It became my full-time job, just watching everything like a hawk, being on it for twice the amount of time than is usually prescribed (you know, because DEATHFAT). I was weak, I was tired, I was petrified I was going to be full bulimic again in a matter of weeks. I did in fact purge once because I freaked out about eating a few too many crackers. Getting medical help shouldn’t do that to you, but here we are.
But I didn’t fall back into that behavior. I didn’t start hating myself or exercising too much out of shame. I did begin going to the skating rink with regularity again, but it wasn’t just to burn calories or “earn” my food, the way I used to. It was to have FUN. It was to enjoy the muscle memory and skills I built over years of roller derby instead of letting my skates sit and gather dust. (Derby, I might add, was a time in my life where the combination of so much training and being on ADHD meds for the first time and going all the way back to active bulimia meant a massive weight loss—and well-meaning “friends” telling me that i “looked like a person now!” Team Captain, I love you, but girl—fuck off.)
I understand that there will ALWAYS be people who think they know what I’m eating or doing with my life by looking at me. People I can skate circles around, mind you. People who have never tried my cooking and see how jam-packed it is with vegetables. People who don’t know how many years of other people’s opinions I had to shrug off to wear the cute clothes I enjoy instead of oversized, misshapen garbage garments to hide from the world as to not offend someone else’s delicate sensibilities.
But being fat is not the end of the world.
I don’t worry about the size of my ass. I don’t worry about what my arms look like in tshirts. I don’t try to hide my soft tum-tum or disguise my thighs. I move my body because I love to move my body. I eat vegetables because they’re delicious and frankly I don’t know how to cook meat. I eat a bacon cheeseburger every week after Wednesday skating because it’s delicious.
It takes a very long time to get here. But it’s worth it.
I’d rather be kind, and funny, and smart, and well-read, and crafty, and creative, AND fat, than waste my life doing only some of those things and being cranky and self-obsessed because I’m wasting too much time trying not to be fat.
So if this is the opposite of every message you ever see out there, I want you to know this truth, delivered to you from the bottom of my plump little soul:
Being fat is not the end of the world.
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headkiss · 2 months
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fall right into me
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pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader
summary: when something happens to your apartment and you need a place to stay, steve, your best friend, is quick to provide it for you. your prolonged proximity forces you both to realize some things.
word count: 13.6k
warnings: childhood bffs to lovers, absolute idiots in love, mentions of a negative relationship with parents, probably inaccurate descriptions of some things but it’s (say it with me) for the plot!!!
a/n: i know it’s been a LONG time since i’ve posted a long fic so thank u guys for ur patience <3 i had so much fun getting back to it and writing these two, and i hope it’s at least a little bit worth the wait!!! ily :,)
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Your shoes are still wet as you dial the first number that comes to mind: Steve’s.
He picks up on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Hey, Steve.”
“Hi,” you can imagine him on the other side of the phone, leaning casually against the wall, an easy smile on his face, “what’s going on?”
You’re not quite sure where to start.
Coming home from work earlier, you’d been excited to shower and change and lay around for the rest of the evening, your book hanging open in your lap and some mindless TV filling the silence.
The day seemed to have other plans for you, though, because as you walked down the stairs to your apartment—one in the basement of a sweet, older couple’s house who just never used the space and converted it—the carpet had made an ugly squelch as soon as you stepped on it.
You looked down at your shoe against the carpet, at the way its color was darker than usual from whatever water had gotten into it. Looking up, you found a complete mess. A piece of the ceiling hanging open right above your bed, water still dripping in steady drops from the gap, your bedding ruined among many other things.
You don’t know how long you stood there, hand over your mouth, eyes flickering over the damage like you were hoping it would vanish, like it was only something you imagined.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t.
The couple who owns the house came down when they heard you shout for them, unsure of what else to do. They’d both gasped when they came down, and began apologizing for something that really wasn’t their fault before one ran up to call whoever it was they needed to call to fix this and the other comforted you with a gentle “we’ll take care of it, sweetie.”
You nodded, eyes still roaming your space that was now uninhabitable.
It’s an old house, something was bound to happen at some point, you only wished it wasn’t so inconvenient for you. A small leak, you could have handled, but the ceiling practically caving in?
Yeah, it was a complete fucking mess.
Hours later, with the damage assessed and set to take a few weeks to fix up, you’re on the phone with the one person you’d known would pick up.
You fill Steve in on what happened, and his first response is a sigh of, “Shit.”
“Yeah, shit,” you agree. “And now I’m gonna have to live with my parents for a while and I don’t know how I’m gonna go back into that house, Steve.”
If you’re being honest, the couple you live with now was kinder to you than your parents were. You suppose that’s one of the many things that you and Steve have bonded over.
“Just come live with me, instead,” he offers without hesitation.
Steve says it like it’s obvious, a no-brainer, and you guess it should be, since you’ve slept over at the Harrington’s house countless times before. Only, this is different because you’d be staying for a while, because you’d be needing his help, which makes you feel all awkward and guilty.
He’s been your absolute best friend for as long as you can remember, and you’re one hundred percent sure you’d offer the same thing if the roles were reversed, but that doesn’t make it any easier for you to accept, not when you’re already frazzled from the events of the day.
“No, Steve, I’m sorry I’m just being dramatic,” you say, twisting the phone’s cord around your finger. “I’ll be fine, really. It’s just a month, or so, and I don’t wanna be in your way or-”
“When have you ever cared about being in my way, angel?” The pet name he’s called you ever since your ninth grade Halloween party slips out naturally, the way it always does. “Besides, this house is too fucking big for me as it is, and you know my parents won’t be around to care, either.”
“I can’t ask you to let me move in, Steve.”
“Well then, it’s a good thing you’re not asking. I’m offering. It’ll be like that one week when we were twelve and you stayed over for spring break, only longer. It’s perfect!”
There’s a small smile ghosting across your face as you recall the memory he’s talking about. A blanket fort in their spacious living room, sleeping bags and pillows piled inside it along with two flashlights.
You can picture the way he looks on the other end of the phone, his hair a bit messy from running his hands through it during the day, one strand rogue against his forehead, his shoulder leaned carelessly against the wall the way it usually is when he stands. Like he can’t be bothered to hold himself up, like there’s constantly a weight on him.
“Are you sure about this, Steve? It’s really okay if you’re not. I swear I’ll be fine.”
“As if I’m letting you spend multiple weeks back in your parent’s house. You’re staying with me, alright?” His voice is insistent, yet kind, letting you know that he’s being honest, that he means it. “We’ll order pizzas and watch shitty romcoms, ‘kay?”
“You can call romcoms shitty all you want, but we both know you get teary at every single one.”
“Don't change the subject, angel. Also, fuck off,” he says, though you can hear the smile in his voice. “So, you’re living with me, yeah?”
You don’t think you could say no to him even if you wanted to.
“Yeah, alright, Steve. Thank you so much.”
“None of that. I know you’d do the same.”
There’s something beautiful about the kind of trust and ease that comes with a friendship as long as yours. One where you’ve watched each other grow up, awkward phases and all, and stuck together the entire way. There’s no questioning whether or not you’d be there for each other if you were in need.
It’s known, felt. Like a fact.
“Now,” he continues, “I’ll pick you up, okay? Ten minutes, tops.”
“Okay.”
“You need me to bring boxes for your stuff?”
“I’m not sure how much is worth keeping. It’s pretty ugly in there.”
Your voice goes small at the end, because the gravity of it all is really sinking in. You’ll have to replace a lot of stuff. Stuff you don’t have money for right now.
But, you haven’t let yourself cry just yet, so you swallow it down.
“I’ll bring some anyway, then. We’ll figure it out, angel, don’t worry.”
“Thanks again, Steve. See you soon.”
“Ten minutes,” he assures you, then the line clicks.
-
True to his word, Steve arrives in under ten minutes, which isn’t surprising considering the size of Hawkins, but feels reassuring all the same.
You’re sitting on the curb in front of the house when Steve’s BMW pulls over on the other side of the road, and you stand just as he climbs out and shuts his door, rounding the car and jogging over to you.
His keys jingle as he tucks them into the pocket of his faded jeans, his opposite hand coming up to squeeze your shoulder, “You okay?”
The warmth of his palm seeps through your work shirt that you’ve yet to change out of, and you let your eyes fall shut just for a second before looking at his face, “Guess so,” you nod. “Maybe ask me again after all of this?”
Steve’s arm winds itself over your shoulders, tugging you into his side and dropping a kiss to the top of your head, simple as an instinct. “I’ve got you. We’ll get through this, angel.”
We’ll, he says. A team.
You reach up and squeeze his hand and nod, guiding him to the side-entrance leading to your basement apartment.
“I hope you didn’t wear your good shoes for this,” you say.
Steve looks down at his feet and shrugs, “Shoes can be replaced.”
He lets you lead the way down the stairs, his footsteps close behind yours. You wince when you look at the damage again, even though you’d seen it minutes ago. You can't bring yourself to look at Steve, to see the reaction on his face, because you think it’ll just make it all more real.
He mouths the word ‘fuck’ while you aren’t looking, then claps his hands once. “Okay, let’s figure out what we can save, yeah? Where do you want me?”
You’re grateful for his gentle guidance at what to do. “Maybe the bathroom? Everything in there should be fine, so it just needs to be packed.”
“‘Kay. I’ll just go grab some boxes from my car,” Steve says. He squeezes your hand once before heading up the stairs. “I’ll be right back.”
You decide to tackle the worst spot first. Though the place is more like a studio, the side that houses your bed and your closet is the most affected, so you head over there and try to tune out the squish of the carpet beneath your feet.
You’re opening the sliding doors to your closet when Steve comes back, dropping a stack of boxes by your feet and running his hand down your arm softly before heading over to the bathroom to pack for you.
Even his presence seems to be making things a little bit easier for you, and each time he finds a small way to touch you or speak to you, to remind you that he’s there, you’re glad for it.
Half of your closet is a gross, wet mess, but some things are salvageable, which you take as a win. Things might be damp, but at least it’s only water, you suppose. A cycle in the dryer and most things will be wearable again.
Your dresses that are hung get the worst of it, soaked and smelly, and you decide that it’d be easier to get a couple new ones than to try and save what’s there.
Steve checks in every now and then, poking his head out of the bathroom’s doorway to look at you and make sure you’re doing alright, giving you a thumbs up when you look over to him.
You’re not sure how you’d be managing this if you were alone, and you’re thankful that you don’t have to.
The next time he checks on you, you’re by your nightstand.
Sitting atop of it is a framed picture of you and Steve from summer camp when you were around ten years old, maybe younger. Only now, the picture’s stained with water and the frame you’d decorated all those years ago at camp is a splotchy mess.
Where yours and Steve’s handwriting used to be, is now a blur from the water seeping into the wooden frame, the marker’s colors muddy. You frown, picking it up and running your thumb over the edge.
Before you can stop yourself, you’re tearing up, frustrated and sad and tired. Memories like this one are the most special to you, the ones that have kept you going for so long, and just like that, the picture that’s sat on your nightstand since being taken is gone, and it fucking sucks.
“Hey, angel?” Steve calls.
When all you do is sniffle and mumble an “mhm?” in response, he sets the box he’d been packing on the bathroom counter and walks over to you.
He comes up behind you, resting his hands on your upper-arms and peering over your shoulder at the ruined picture.
“It was my favorite one,” you say, voice breaking a little. You wipe your tear away as it trails down your cheek, your own fingertips too harsh against your skin.
Although it’s soaked and splotchy now, Steve knows which picture it is. The one where you’ve both got your neon summer camp t-shirts on, the one where his cheeks and nose are completely sunburnt and you’re both grinning up at the camera from your seats on the ground.
Steve’s clutching a stick in his hand for some reason, and you’ve got your fist tangled in the sleeve of his shirt.
It feels like no time and forever has passed since then.
Steve grabs the picture and pries it gently from your hands, setting it back onto the table and turning you around in his grip to face him.
“We can fix it,” he tells you, his brown eyes all soft as his hands come up to cup your face, thumbs swiping your tears away.
“But the frame-”
“We’ll fix it, angel. I’ll find a way, okay? We can pack it in one of the boxes and figure it out.”
“Steve-”
“Look at me,” he urges you when your gaze flickers to the ground. You listen. “This fucking sucks, I know it does, but you’re strong and I’m here, and we can handle this.”
His voice is quiet, but sure. You search his face for any trace of a lie and find none. He really believes what he’s saying, and he really believes in you.
“Thank you for being here.” You take a deep breath and drop your forehead against the collar of his shirt. “I’m sorry for crying. I know it’s kinda stupid. Most of this is replaceable, it’s just-”
“It’s not stupid,” he says, letting his chin rest atop your head. “You’re allowed to cry. Hell, I’d probably be kicking and screaming on the floor like I'm back in the terrible twos.”
You laugh wetly into his shirt.
“Now,” he says, pulling back and putting his hands on his hips, “the quicker we pack, the quicker we go home. I’ll even let you wear a pair of my good fuzzy socks.”
A smile tugs at your mouth. “Deal.”
-
Steve wouldn’t let you do much of the work after that.
Instead, he simply held up items for you to assess from where you’d been leaning against the wall and packed it into a box if it was a ‘yes,’ or tossing it aside dramatically just to try and get you to laugh if it was a ‘no.’
Once things were sorted through and packed, you loaded everything into Steve’s car—which wasn’t a whole bunch, considering how much you had to leave behind.
You’d refused to let Steve carry the boxes all on his own, though he tried, but he still managed to open the doors for you whenever you made it to his car, even when his own hands were full, too.
By the time you were finished, you were drained. It felt like you’d lived multiple days in the one. An eight hour shift opening at the store, then coming home to a wrecked apartment. All you wanted to do was shower and lay down and not get back up.
Steve knows you well enough to be able to tell when it’s time to fill the silence and when it isn’t, and on the drive back to his place, while your head was leaned against his window, he knew to stay quiet and give you a bit of space.
He turned the radio on, but not too loud, letting the songs hum through the speakers. At every stop sign, he reached over and gave your thigh a light squeeze. Reassuring, kind, somehow exactly what you needed at the moment. Nothing more, nothing less.
You were no stranger to the Harrington’s house, having been there countless times since you were little, but it feels more intimidating now, knowing you’ll be staying. You feel silly for being worried, but you are. Asking for help makes you feel like a burden.
Steve, however, doesn’t let you entertain that thought for long, parking in his driveway and jogging around to open the passenger door for you. “Honey, we’re home!”
“Dork,” you say, though you accept his hand and let him tug you up out of the car.
Grabbing the first couple of boxes, Steve leads you inside and upstairs, right to the guest room across the hall from his own bedroom. The closest one to him.
The house has at least two guest rooms, though you suppose with how little Steve's parents are around, you could consider there to be three. Three spare rooms and Steve puts you up in the nearest one possible. It makes your heart squish in your chest, how caring he is. He doesn’t even have to try, really, the goodness in him shows even when he tries to keep it hidden.
It only takes a few trips down to his car and back before all of your boxes are stacked against the wall. You decide you’ll deal with them later.
Steve runs over to his room and grabs a set of pajamas that you’d left there, and hands them to you. “I figured you’d wanna wash up.”
“You calling me smelly, Harrington?”
“Shut up, I think you smell nice. Usually.”
“Hey!”
“I’m teasing, angel.” He ruffles your hair. You swat his hand away. “You know where the bathroom is, and there should be soap and stuff in the shower already. Just yell if you need something, okay?”
You do know where the bathroom is. You have your own toothbrush in a cup by the sink, a set of travel-sized skin care products in the cupboard behind the mirror for whenever you end up staying over.
It’s funny, you’ve always felt more at home here than at your own parents house, and though he hasn’t said it to you, Steve much prefers this house when you’re in it. There’s a warmth that comes with your presence that makes him ache when it’s not around.
You nod, “Thank you again for letting me stay, Steve. I won’t be in the way, promise.”
“I want you in the way. You know you’re always welcome. This is no different.” He shrugs, “Plus, it’ll be nice having you around. Place always feels so empty when it’s just me.”
“Maybe I’ll just stay forever, then,” you say, tone light and joking.
Steve, completely serious, says, “I’d let you.”
There’s a zip that goes through you when he says it, quick as lightning, something you’ve never felt—or noticed, rather—around him. It throws you off just a little.
“Anyways,” Steve cuts your thoughts short, “I’ll let you get settled. Pizza will be waiting for you when you’re done.”
He leaves the room before you can thank him again, his footsteps retreating and heading downstairs.
You’ve been to his house a million times, so you don’t really feel the need to ‘get settled’ but you desperately need a shower so that’s where you go.
You stay in for longer than you need to, letting the too-hot water run down your neck and back.
When you finally do step out of the bathroom, now clad in your pajamas, and head downstairs, Steve’s sitting on the couch in the living room, the romcoms he owns sitting out in front of the TV for you to choose from, your favorite blanket resting on your side of the couch, and pizza boxes on the coffee table just as promised.
It’s the best thing in the world, you think, to have a friend like Steve.
-
You’ve been staying at Steve’s for a couple of days already, and time seems to fly by a little quicker when you’re there, especially when you’re around him.
He’s taken it upon himself to have coffee ready in the pot for you every morning, one of your favorite mugs already next to it on the counter. You’ve cooked breakfasts together (pancakes one day, where you’d done most of the work, or something simple as toast when you both have to get to work), ordered dinners, and Steve comes home from his shifts with a new movie to watch almost every day.
It’s been so nice. Almost perfect, actually.
This morning, the first day where your shifts happen to be at the exact same time, he’d even insisted on driving you to work. It was an easy yes, considering it wasn’t out of his way at all.
After a short stint of working together at the grocery store in ninth grade, and your subsequent firing from the job after a month of constantly distracting each other on the clock, Tim, the grocery manager, took it upon himself to warn Hawkins not to hire the both of you together.
Eventually, you’d taken the closest you could get which resulted in you working at the arcade and Steve next door at Family Video.
You share a parking lot. Steve already drives you to work most days. You like to put up a bit of a fight just to annoy him.
Though you haven’t worked together in years, and he isn’t far away by any means, you miss having Steve around on days like this. Where the arcade is quiet save for the sounds of the games in the background, where you’re simply babysitting the desk and cleaning things multiple times to try and make the hours pass by.
If Steve were with you, he’d make stupid jokes that you don’t wanna laugh at but do, or coerce you into playing the games while on the clock with the change you find whenever you’re cleaning.
He’d probably trash talk you, and bump your hip with his while playing pinball, and be a sore loser, and for some reason you want him around so bad.
You chalk it up to getting used to spending hours and hours with him, every single day, these past couple of days. Staying with him has made you miss him more, you think.
That’s it.
Meanwhile, over at Family Video, Steve isn’t feeling too different from you.
He’s spent the morning stocking shelves, memories popping into his head whenever he’d come across a movie you loved or watched together, while Robin’s been manning the desk.
Then, when his cart was empty and put back into the back room, he sat on the chair behind the front desk, spinning around until Robin stopped him with her foot and asked what he was thinking so hard about.
Steve caught her up on what had happened with your apartment (you’d told him he could tell her, because she’s your friend too and would find out sooner or later) and how you’d ended up staying with him in his house.
She raised her eyebrows and hummed in a way that was automatically suspicious, because Robin isn’t very good at hiding things.
“What?” Steve asks.
“Nothing.” When Steve only gives her a pointed look, Robin continues, “Well… are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Now, Robin is one of Steve’s closest friends, and him one of hers, and she supports him in pretty much everything that he does even when she teases him relentlessly along the way, but she cares about both of you and doesn’t want to see anyone hurt.
She can read Steve better than he can read himself, probably, because to Robin, it’s clear that he feels more than friendly towards you. And he doesn’t even know it.
When they became closer, it was clear to Robin, even before meeting you, just from the way Steve spoke of you, that there was a spot reserved for you in his life that couldn’t be filled by anyone else.
He would say it’s that of ‘best friend’ but Robin would call it something even bigger than that. Still, even though she thinks he’s an absolute dingus, she’s trying to let Steve figure it out for himself.
Clearly, it’s taking fucking forever.
He looks confused at her question, “Why wouldn’t it be a good idea?”
Robin sighs and resists the urge to drop her forehead against the desk and decides on, “You know what they say: become friends with your roommates, don’t become roommates with your friends.”
“Whoever they are, they’re dumb as shit,” Steve says. “She’s been over, slept over, hundreds of times. It’s not any different, just longer.”
“I guess so,” she settles on. “The rules of the world never really seem to apply to you two.”
“That’s because the rules of the world are also dumb as shit.”
“How would you know? It’s not like you’ve ever tried following them.”
“‘Cause I’m a rule breaker, Robs.”
Steve wiggles his eyebrows. Robin shoves the rolling chair he’s sitting on with her foot, sending it into the other side of the desk with a thud.
“Don’t think that smoking weed in your backyard is enough to call yourself a rule breaker, dingus.”
-
That night, your routine was pretty much the same.
Steve was already waiting for you in his car when you left the arcade, a smile spreading onto his face when he saw you making your way across the parking lot to him, your skirt swishing a little with the breeze.
Rather than go straight home, you made a stop at your apartment to talk things over with the couple who owned the home. They’d met with a builder and plumber about getting everything fixed and wanted to walk you through it all.
Steve came with you and held your hand, and both of them cooed at him and pinched his cheeks and called him a cutie before getting to the important stuff.
After going over what had to be done (rip out the carpet, replace it, fix the pipes and make sure no others were at risk, replace the ceiling, and more you couldn’t even remember already), they’d assured you that they would be taking care of it all. Covering the entire cost.
You probably would’ve argued if not for how little money was in your bank account, and how stubborn you knew these people to be. Instead, you’d squeezed them both and thanked them while your eyes grew misty with tears.
Steve’s hand stayed in yours and squeezed when you sniffled.
He knew, because he knew pretty much everything about you, that these people were kinder to you than even your own parents. That, if this had happened at their house, they would’ve found a way to blame you for it.
You feel lucky to have found that kind of parental love elsewhere, sad that you didn’t know exactly what it felt like beforehand.
After giving the couple Steve’s phone number to call in case they needed you and giving them both another hug, you and Steve headed back home.
Home, you call it. Like it’s yours.
Sometimes it feels like it is.
Later, after you and Steve have both showered and had dinner and gotten comfy in your sweats, you’re back in the living room, Steve shows you the movie he’s brought back this time.
“Gremlins?” You ask, smiling and shaking your head.
“Hell yeah, angel. It’s a classic.”
Steve sets everything up, joining you on the couch after pressing ‘play’ on the movie and adjusting the volume with your guidance.
“So, how was work?” Steve asks during the opening credits. The two of you have a hard time being next to each other and not talking. It’s why you get dirty looks whenever you go to the movies.
“Weekdays are so boring, Steve,” you say, letting your head fall against the back of the couch. “You’re so lucky you have Robin to entertain you during the day. I think I dusted like, ten times at least.”
“Robin is a pain in my ass.” He says. He doesn’t really mean it, because even when she is, he’s glad to have her around. A different kind of gladness than he feels with you. “She kept pushing me every time I sat in the rolling chair. There’s probably a dent in the desk.”
“That’s because you were probably hogging the chair, Steve.”
“What the fuck!” Steve’s smiling when he says it, lacking any sort of anger. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”
Your smile mirrors his, the way it always does. It’s contagious, you think, the way his eyes crinkle at the corner.
Shrugging, you say, “I don’t know, I’d wanna push you around on that chair too, I think.”
“You’d spin me too much. I’d get sick all over you and then nobody’s happy.”
“Don’t talk about barf while I’m eating, Harrington.”
You throw a piece of popcorn at him. It bounces off his cheek and lands on his lap, and he doesn’t even flinch. Steve just picks it up and pops it into his mouth.
When the bowl’s empty, you lean forward and set it on the coffee table before sinking back into the couch, Steve's shoulder brushing yours. You let the warmth seep through your clothes and shut your eyes.
It’s a little more than halfway through the movie when Steve realizes you’re asleep. You’d been quiet, sure, but Steve only thought that meant you were paying attention to the movie.
That was, until your head slipped and rested against his shoulder.
He looked down at you, at the hair falling across your forehead (he smoothed it away gently, so it wouldn’t be in your eyes or your mouth), your eyebrows relaxed and free of any worry, your chest rising and falling with steady breaths.
He thinks of how tired you must be, after everything. Your apartment and dealing with the aftermath both emotionally and physically, working long shifts most days to keep your bank account full.
Steve, though he doesn’t let himself look too deep into it, also thinks of how beautiful you are. Now and always.
Not wanting you to get a kink in your neck from the position, Steve decides to rouse you from sleep as gently as possible. He slips a hand under your head to keep it steady and maneuvers himself to kneel in front of you.
“Hey, angel,” he almost whispers, thumb dragging across your cheek. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”
Your nose scrunches and you grumble, but after some coaxing, you blink your eyes open and squint at Steve. You blame your half-asleep mind on the way you nuzzle into his palm. “Hmm?”
“You fell asleep.”
“Oh, sorry,” you mumble.
Steve laughs softly. “Don’t be sorry, I just didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
The warmth of his hand leaves your cheek as he stands and holds his hands out for you to grab. He pulls you up off the couch and starts leading you towards the stairs.
You knuckle at your eyes on the way, a tiny smile gracing your face at how sweet Steve’s being. As if you haven’t fallen asleep on his couch plenty of times before.
Still sleepy, you stumble a little on the stairs, but Steve catches you easily with an arm around your waist and a small “Careful.”
He leaves his arm there the rest of the way to what’s become your bedroom, guiding you over to the bed and lifting the covers for you.
Tomorrow, you’ll regret not brushing your teeth or washing your face before climbing in bed. But today, you don’t feel like risking not being able to sleep again if you wake yourself up further.
You’re practically asleep again by the time you’re settled with your head on the pillow as Steve tugs the blankets over you.
You’re just awake enough to feel the light press of his lips on your forehead and a soft “Goodnight, angel” against your skin before he leaves the room and shuts the door behind him.
-
On a random Thursday that you and Steve both have off, he convinces you to let him take you to the mall.
“We should go shopping,” he says when you walk into the kitchen. It’s a little later in the morning, having slept in since it’s a day off, the sun slipping through the window in warm beams.
You raise your eyebrows at him. “Like, groceries?”
“No, like shopping shopping. You know, the mall?”
You lean against the kitchen island, the countertop cool on your back where it touches the sliver of skin between your tank top and sleep shorts. Steve has his shoulder against the fridge, his arms crossed over his chest, the sleeves of his t-shirt tight against his muscles. Not that you’re looking.
You squint at him, trying to find his motive on his face. “You literally buy whatever the mannequins are wearing to avoid shopping.”
“That’s what they’re there for!” The sass in his voice has you biting back a smile. “You need new clothes,” he continues, “and I need to get out of this house.”
“We can do something else, Steve,” you say. “I thought you hated shopping.”
“Well, I don’t hate you.” There’s a pause, Steve’s eyes lowering to that sliver of skin above your shorts. He flicks them back to your face quickly, hoping you didn’t notice, because even he’s not sure what compelled his eyes to wander. “Plus, Eddie called me a hermit the other day and I really can’t stand for that, can I?”
“Ohhh,” you ignore the way your skin suddenly feels warm beneath his gaze, “so you need to make a public appearance to prove Eddie wrong?”
“Exactly. We’ll replace some of the things you lost and restore my reputation. Two birds, one stone, right angel?”
So that’s how you’d ended up at the mall. After Starcourt burnt down, the closest place was a couple towns over, and Steve (as always) offered to drive.
He lets you pick the music the entire way, sings along when you hold your water bottle by his mouth like a microphone, even attempts to harmonize with you which just ends in laughter because neither of you sounded that great.
You’re a couple of stores in, and Steve’s been complaint-free so far—which makes sense, since this was his idea, but you’ve caught him side-eyeing some things, so you know he’s got some remarks in his head he just hasn’t said out loud—and follows you around as you browse. You try not to take too long, because you can’t imagine that this is any fun for him.
“How about that one?” Steve asks, pointing at one of the dresses hanging along the store’s wall.
He’d seen your apartment, though that was a bit ago, and he remembered what you’d lost the most of, along with the type of stuff you like. He pays attention like that, in small, quiet ways that you think mean the most.
He knows you. He cares enough to know you.
“Yeah, that’s really pretty, actually,” you admit.
At your approval, Steve grabs one in your size (which he also just happens to know) and adds it to the couple of things he’d already been holding for you. Every time you picked something up, he was quick to snatch it from you, telling you it was ‘too hard to browse with your hands full.’
After making your way through the rest of the store, you decided to head back to try things on, holding out a hand for the stuff Steve’s holding. “You can wait out here, I’ll be quick.”
“Hold on,” he says, holding the hangers out of your reach. “Why do you think I’m here, angel? I wanna help you pick.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. Give me a fashion show, yeah?”
“Oh my God,” you mumble, letting him follow you to the fitting rooms.
They’re hidden behind the back wall of the store, a hallway painted bright blue with pink changeroom doors on one side, and white benches along the other.
“Hi there,” an employee with auburn hair greets you both, her smile wide and kind, though you know it’s a practiced one. Customer service smile. “How many you got there, darling?”
“Oh, um,” you turn back towards Steve, who’s counting the hangers in his hand. “Five.”
“Perfect!” The girl takes the key hanging around her neck and unlocks one of the rooms for you. She takes the clothes from Steve and hangs them up inside for you, then turns to the two of you and says, “Your man can have a seat right here. We call them the ‘boyfriend benches.’”
“He’s not my-”
“Thanks,” Steve says, cutting off your correction because for some reason he didn’t want you to correct her.
Did he… like the idea of being your boyfriend?
Fuck. No. He just didn’t want you to have to explain the whole situation in your rambly way. That’s all.
The redhead smiles again, “Holler if you need anything,” she says before walking off.
You stand there for a second, something like confusion on your face. Did it look like you were boyfriend and girlfriend?
“Come on,” Steve says, snapping the both of you out of whatever that was. “Show me what you’ve got.”
“I can't believe you’re making me do this,” you say, walking into the fitting room and shutting the door.
You try on a couple of sweaters first, and Steve feels the fabric both times, making sure that it’s not scratchy on your skin. Then, there’s just some basic t-shirts that aren’t all that exciting, but Steve says they look nice anyway.
Finally, you get to the dress he picked out.
It really was pretty. A midi-length with a ruffled hem and straps that tie into little bows on your shoulders. You don’t always feel good in your clothes. Sometimes you wish you could crawl out of your skin when you look into the mirror, but right now, you don’t hate what you see.
You actually like it.
“Well?” Steve calls softly from the bench.
In response, you open the door and step out so he can see you.
Steve’s seen you in plenty of dresses—hell, you went to prom together—but for some reason this one makes his heart beat just a little bit quicker. Maybe it’s simply the fact that it looks great on you, or the way you’re smiling shyly as he looks you over.
Or, maybe it’s because he’s the one who picked it.
He stands up, spinning his finger in the air in a gesture for you to twirl. You roll your eyes but do it anyway, and he can’t take his eyes off of you. The hallway of fitting rooms isn’t very big, so with both of you in it, you’re standing toe to toe, the gold flecks in the middle of Steve’s eyes and the faint freckles that dot his nose are visible from where you stand.
As if he can’t help it, Steve lifts a finger and dips it beneath the strap on your shoulder. Not moving it or undoing it, just gliding along your skin where it sits.
“You look beautiful,” he says. His voice goes all quiet and soft when he says it, and his eyes widen a tiny bit, like he hadn’t meant it to slip out that way. It sounded… more than friendly. He clears his throat and steps back as much as he can in the small space, his finger leaving your skin. “I have great taste. Clearly.”
You blink at him, then shake yourself out of it as much as you can. “Yeah. Don’t let it get to your head.” You lift the tag where it hangs by your armpit and look at the price. You gasp and swat Steve’s arm. “Steve! Why would you let me walk into a place so expensive?”
You probably should’ve looked at the tag beforehand, but here you are. Steve, shrugging exaggeratedly, says, “I didn’t know!”
“Okay, I’m gonna change before she comes back. We can make a run for it.”
“We’re not stealing.”
“I know, but they look at you all judgemental when you try stuff on and don’t buy something. Trust me.”
You turn and go back into the fitting room to put on your own clothes, taking a look at the dress in the mirror one last time before shaking your head at yourself.
Steve, however, takes the opportunity to leave you and head back out into the store. He finds the dress easily and grabs another one in your size from the rack and heads to the cashier.
He’s just finishing up, bag in hand, when you walk out and meet him at the front of the store.
“For you,” he says, holding out the bag for you to take.
“Steve…” You grab it and look inside. Your chest aches when you see the dress, your heart suddenly too full and your stomach fluttering stupidly. “You didn’t have to do that. I would’ve been fine with something from the Gap.”
“I know that,” he says, a hand lifting to scratch at the back of his neck. It’s a nervous tick of his, and the thought of him being nervous right now makes you melt even more. “I wanted to get it for you. You looked too pretty in it not to have it.”
Your eyes catch his, and again, something passes between you that you don’t think you’ve ever felt before. A fizzle, a spark.
You rock back on your feet, looking down at the ground before meeting his eyes again. They’re so fucking soft it makes you wonder how lucky you have to be to have him in your life. Being your best friend, driving you to work even when he doesn’t have a shift, offering you a place to stay, buying you a dress.
He’s the sweetest boy you’ve ever known.
“Well,” you twist the straps of the bag around your fingers just to keep them busy. “Thank you, Steve. This is really nice.”
His knuckle traces down your arm just once, featherlight. “You’re welcome, angel.”
You don’t buy anything else after that, instead stopping at the food court for fries, stealing from each other’s baskets, smiling and slapping hands away.
It’s the best day you’ve had in a while.
-
You don’t think anything you do will convey just how grateful you are that Steve has been so kind to you. Always, but especially now. Letting you stay with him and refusing to let you pay rent. (“I don’t even pay rent, and I live here all the time.”)
But, this morning, you’ve decided you’re gonna try.
Steve’s favorite meal of the day happens to be breakfast, which is funny, considering he usually eats something as simple as cereal. He’d told you once that it was because, as a kid, breakfast was the most peaceful of meals, his parents too busy getting ready for work or wherever they were going that he’d have the kitchen table to himself.
Lunch was usually spent at school, and Steve was never a fan of school to begin with. Then there was dinner, which his parents (when they were home) still wanted to have all together. They’d ask him questions and make backhanded comments about every single answer he gave. He never won at dinner.
So, breakfast was, and has remained, his favorite.
You made sure to get up early enough to give yourself time to get everything ready before he wakes up. Steve’s usually the one making the coffee in the morning, and you figured the least you could do was give him a break.
Yesterday, while Steve had been at work, you went over to the Wheeler’s and asked Nancy if you could borrow their waffle maker. She’d directed the question to her mother, who went and grabbed it for you and handed it over with a smile. You promised to take good care of it and have it back in a couple of days.
By the time Steve walks into the kitchen, you’ve already made the batter and set out the toppings—berries, maple syrup, whipped cream—like a buffet. However, he just so happens to come in as you’re swearing at the waffle maker.
“Stupid fucking thing,” you mutter, trying to open it.
Steve smiles to himself before saying, “Morning, angel.”
You jump at his voice, not having heard him walk in. When you turn around, your heart beats for a different reason.
Steve’s still only in his pajama pants, plaid and soft, hanging low on his hips. And he’s shirtless, his chest smattered with hair and his skin a little tanned from the sun. He’s got beauty marks all over, like a constellation you could chart, and his abs are just visible beneath the soft of his stomach. A trail of hair leading to the waistband of his pants and disappearing beneath them.
You’ve seen Steve shirtless plenty of times. Swimming and sleeping over in the summer, in high school when you used to go to his practices, but it hits you harder for some reason this time.
The way his hair is still a mess from sleep, his eyes a bit heavy. The way it feels to be greeting him in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. Intimate. Domestic.
You clear your throat and turn back around to pry the waffle maker open, revealing a slightly burnt but otherwise good-looking waffle. “I’m making breakfast. Coffee’s already in the pot, too.”
He walks over, his chest close to your back as he grabs a mug from the cabinet above you before heading over to pour himself a cup. He looks at the spread you’ve prepared, “Waffles, huh? What did I do to deserve all this?”
“Just wanted to do something nice for you,” you say as Steve walks over to lean against the counter next to you, his hip barely touching yours. “To thank you, in a way. For letting me stay and the dress and-”
“How many times do I have to tell you to stop thanking me?” He says, though his voice is soft and still a bit rough from sleep. “I like having you around.”
“So you don’t want the waffles then?”
“Oh, I want the waffles. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything for me. It’s not some debt you’ll owe me, angel.”
“Want you to know I appreciate you is all,” you say, pouring a new scoop of batter into the waffle maker.
Steve, unsure of what exactly possesses him to do so, dips in and presses a kiss to the apple of your cheek, his lips a whisper away from your skin when he says, “I appreciate you, too.”
Then he pulls away and moves to set the table. Like it was natural.
And it was, in a way. How you moved around each other in the kitchen. You leaning out of the way when he needed to reach something you were blocking, him putting a hand on your lower back when he walked behind you so you knew he was there.
Your cheek still tingles from where he’d kissed it when you bring the plate of waffles to the table, your skin somehow even warmer under his gaze, like he’s still remembering exactly how it felt, too.
You sit in the chair beside Steve, not noticing the way he tugs it a bit closer to him with his foot before you sit down. Soon enough, both of you are digging in. Steve’s got more whipped cream on his plate than waffle (you tell him as much) and you’ve got your berries on the side the way you always do.
Neither of you work until later in the day, and it’s nice knowing that you can take your time. Steve tells you about the advice he gave Dustin about how to be ‘cooler’ in school (he’d told him that being cool is completely overrated, he knew from experience, and that being himself is the most important). You’d told him he was going soft with age.
You talk about anything at all. How Keith somehow manages both of your places of work, how he also somehow does both terribly. The way he says ‘if you have time to lean, you have time to clean’ while literally having Cheeto dust on his fingers. Laughing at each other’s impressions of him.
What the new highscores were at the arcade, what people were renting from Family Video.
You wonder what it’ll be like when you have to leave. When you’re living alone again.
Logically, you know you’ll still see Steve frequently, because he’s your favorite person and you can’t remember the last time you went longer than a few days without hanging out. Still, it’ll be different than right now, waking up in the same space and sharing breakfast and brushing your teeth side by side in the mirror.
You’ll miss it, you think.
Trying not to dwell on something that’s still a few weeks away, you take another bite of your waffle. Steve catches your chin and wipes off a bit of whipped cream from the corner of your mouth, then pulling away and sucking it off his thumb.
He goes back to his own plate without a thought. Like touching you just now was an instinct.
Then, he teases you, “These are a little crispy, angel. Maybe you should stick to letting me make breakfast in this household.”
You kick his leg under the table. “That’s a funny way of saying ‘thank you,’ Harrington.”
He kicks you back, much gentler than you’d been. “Thank you.”
“That’s what I thought.”
When you look at him, there’s an easy, boyish smile on his face.
A similar one stretches across your own lips.
-
Steve has had the thought pop up into his head a couple of times, that maybe he should’ve just asked you to live with him before you ever bought that apartment. Because having you around feels the most right things have ever felt in his house.
And though the circumstances of your moving in with him (temporarily, he has to remind himself), were far from ideal, he can’t lie and say that he isn’t glad that you’ve ended up sharing his space.
The room across the hall will always be yours, even when you move back to your place.
He knows that you feel indebted to him for all of it, but if anyone owes the other something, he feels like it’s him. For everything you’ve ever done for him. Sticking around even when he was an asshole in highschool, defending him to his parents whenever you’d cross paths, simply being the kind of friend he needed.
Even when you’re not around, he can picture your face, the way your smile spreads slowly until you’re fucking beaming. Worse, the way you cried into his chest that day at your apartment.
He remembers the crack in your voice when you spoke about that picture frame from summer camp. Though he hasn’t seen you cry since, or even bring it up, he’s decided he wants to fix it. He’d told you he would.
Dustin wound up roped into his plan: find a similar frame, decorate it the exact same way, and scour the photo albums in Steve’s room for his copy of that same picture.
When he was younger, the photo albums pissed him off, because they were purely for show. Pictures of his family that were all fake smiles. Now, he’s glad for them, because at least he has some good memories to look back on. To know it wasn’t always all bad.
Steve probably should’ve thought that one through, because when they looked through his albums, he was on the receiving end of relentless teasing from Dustin. (“Dude, you have an insane boogie in this picture.” “I was four!”)
He hopes it’ll be worth it.
Dustin was the one who found the picture they’d been looking for, and he cheered and waved it in Steve’s face as if they’d been racing.
Now, after driving Dustin back home, decorating the frame the way the two of you did as kids, trying to make his handwriting look like it did back then (which wasn’t too difficult, ‘cause Steve’s writing still isn’t that neat), he’s waiting for you to come downstairs before giving it to you.
He’d picked you up after your shift at the arcade not too long ago, but he knows you like to shower and change as soon as you get home from work, so he’d taken the opportunity to wrap the frame and have it ready for you.
Steve can hear you singing in the shower, and he knows you’re done when it goes quiet. A few minutes later you’re walking down the stairs in a baggy t-shirt and silky sleep shorts.
His eyes, for some reason, linger on your legs for a second.
He stands up, frame in his hand, when you walk over. “I have something for you.”
“Steve! Stop buying me things. Seriously.”
“This thing was free, so you can’t even be mad,” he says, smiling almost sheepishly.
Your eyes search his face, flickering between his own and dipping down to his lips and his nose and back to his eyes. He looks… nervous.
Steve’s never nervous around you.
“Okay,” you say, shuffling on your feet. “What is it?”
“Here,” he hands you the poorly-wrapped frame. “Open it.”
You scrunch your brows at him once, because you have no idea what it could be. It isn’t your birthday, or any sort of holiday at all. With zero guesses, you look down at the light yellow wrapping paper in your hands and slowly tear it open.
What you find makes your eyes grow misty, tears pooling at your lash line but not quite falling.
It’s your favorite picture, the one of you and Steve in those stupid neon shirts with messy hair and dirt on your hands. Only now, it’s not water damaged, and the frame is new, but decorated just like the old one. You run your thumbs over the glass lightly, smiling down at little you and little Steve.
When you look back up at him, he’s already looking at you, his brown eyes all warm, his smile kind but also worried, waiting for your reaction.
Seeing his face springs you into motion, jumping forward and wrapping your arms around his neck tightly with the frame still in your hand. “Thank you,” you say into his skin.
Steve’s arms move to hold you around your waist without a thought. A reflex. They squeeze you close to him, his nose pressed into your damp hair, smelling your shampoo.
“It’s not perfect,” he says. “But I know how much you love that picture, and I wanted to fix it.”
“Steve. Shut up. It is perfect.”
“I’m glad you think so,” he says, his thumbs running back and forth against your back.
You hug for what could’ve been minutes, but neither of you moves to pull away first. You’re not sure if it’s still considered friendly to stand in each other's arms, breathing each other in, for so long, but you don’t care at the moment.
This is probably the nicest thing anyone’s done for you in a long, long time.
When you finally do pull away, you don’t go far. Your arms stay slung over his shoulders, Steve’s hands framing your hips. His thumbs still dragging those sweet patterns against you.
“I’m keeping it forever,” you tell him.
“You sure?” he asks.
“Certain. You’ll always be my best friend, Steve.”
“You’ll always be mine too, angel.”
Then, your eyes both move to each other’s lips, yours flick back up in a second, startled at their wandering.
Steve, however, is a bit transfixed. He looks at the slope of your cupid’s bow, the way your lips are shiny from your lip balm. He thinks it quickly, like a gust of wind that can’t be stopped: I really wanna kiss her right now.
Fuck. He wants to kiss his best friend.
He blinks a few times, clearing his throat and pulling back, letting his hands fall from your waist as yours slide off his shoulders. He misses the feel of your touch immediately, but he’s too freaked out and confused to do anything about it.
“What are you in the mood for tonight?” he asks, cutting off his own thoughts. “I brought back a horror and a comedy. Take your pick.”
“Mmm,” he picks up two tapes from the coffee table and holds them up for you to choose from. “Horror. Unless you’re too scared?”
“You’ll just have to hold my hand, then, won’t you?”
“I guess I will.”
You look back at the picture while Steve puts the movie into the player. You smile at it every time you see it, because you can still see parts of Steve in him now that were in him then.
His eyes, always kind, the way he smiles when he laughs, and about a half hour into the movie, the way he holds your hand and squeezes it when he’s scared.
-
You’re having one of those nights. The kind where sleep seems to be fighting you.
You worked a closing shift at the arcade, which usually lasts until late considering how long you’re open plus all of the cleaning you have to do afterwards. Today was no different, and despite how much later you finish than him at Family Video, Steve waited and drove you home. He hung out in the arcade with you until close, actually.
You’d think that after such a long day, the second your head hit the pillow you’d be out and breathing steadily. Today, that is not the case. You fell asleep for maybe an hour before a nightmare woke you up. You can’t quite remember what happened, only that you’d been yelling for Steve and he wasn’t there.
Groaning quietly, you rub your eyes and toss the blankets away. You stand up and head down to the kitchen in the dark, hand trailing along the walls to make sure you don’t bump into anything.
Just as you’re pouring yourself a glass of water, you hear the shuffle of sleepy footsteps coming into the kitchen.
“Holy shit,” he says, walking over to grab a glass, one hand on his bare chest. “I thought you were a ghost or something just now.”
You shift out of the way to let him get some water just like you did, taking the second that he’s distracted to look at him. His hair a mess, wearing nothing but his boxers. You take a big sip from your glass.
“I feel like I should be offended right now,” you say, “if you think I look like a ghost.”
“Shut up,” he says, dragging out the second word. His voice being rough from sleep makes his words sound much warmer than they are. “My eyes aren’t awake yet. Nothing to do with you, angel.”
You shake your head, though there’s a soft smile on your face the way there always seems to be when you try to be annoyed with Steve. You tilt your head at him, asking, “Couldn’t sleep?”
He shakes his head. “Been tossing and turning. Just can’t get comfortable, then I got pissed ‘cause I couldn’t get comfortable and only made it worse.”
“You would get pissed at that. Probably slapped your pillow like it was at fault.”
He folds his lips inwards and blinks at you. Because he did smack his pillow and call it a dipshit. “Why do you know everything? Spying on me?”
“Hate to say it, but you’re getting predictable, Harrington.” You shrug, then move to put your now empty glass in the dishwasher. “I know you too well.”
He looks at you, your hair falling across your shoulders, your pajama shorts riding up a little as you bend down. The moonlight slipping through the window seems to hit you perfectly. Like a halo.
Fitting, he thinks. You’re his angel, after all.
“Yeah, you do,” he agrees. Then, “What about you? Why’re you up?”
“Nightmare. Been forever since I had one.”
“You okay?” he asks, trailing a knuckle over your shoulder, pushing your hair behind it.
“Yeah,” you say, skin tingling where he’d touched you. “I can't even remember most of it, but now my brain won’t let me sleep.”
Steve wishes he could’ve protected you from whatever haunted you in your sleep. It’s silly, he knows, to think he might be able to ward away anything that hurts you, but he wants to, nonetheless.
He thinks about how comfortable he is whenever you cuddle during movie night. Your head on his shoulder or his chest, his hand on your back or waist.
So, he blurts, “Why don’t you sleep over?”
You furrow your brows at him, “Um, I’ve been sleeping over. A couple of weeks now, actually.”
“No, I mean, like in my room with me,” he says, suddenly shy at the idea. He’s grateful for the darkness, because he can feel his cheeks warming up. “A proper sleepover.”
You’ve done it before. Shared a bed a bunch of times, but for some reason your heart jumps when he says it. Your stomach swirls as you say, maybe a little too quickly, “Okay.”
Steve’s eyes widen like he’s surprised, just for a split second, before a soft smile takes over his face. He holds out a hand for you to take, “C’mon.”
Soon enough, Steve’s lifting his navy bedspread for you, letting you slip into bed next to him. He stays further away at first, letting you settle and lay on your side the way he knows you always do.
You blame sleepiness—or, maybe, the lack thereof—for the way you reach behind you for his arm and tug him closer, draping it over your own waist.
He obliges, of course, his arm securing itself across your stomach, palm spread out and warm against your sleep shirt. His chest is only a breath away from your back, though he keeps his lower half a little more distanced.
His thumb runs circles over your shirt, once, twice, three times before stilling, his forehead pressing to the back of your neck.
“Goodnight, angel,” he says into your hair.
Your hand splays itself on top of his. “Night, Steve.”
And suddenly your eyes grow heavier, and sleep doesn’t feel like much of a battle anymore.
-
You wake up the most rested you’ve felt in a while. There’s warmth surrounding you, but not the uncomfortable kind. The kind that feels safe.
Somehow, you and Steve are even closer than you’d been when you fell asleep. His arm is still around your waist, his other outstretched and tucked beneath your head like a pillow. His chest is flush to your back, and you can feel it expand with every breath he takes.
Most differently of all, however, is the way his hips are snug against the curve of your butt. And you can feel him hard against you.
Your skin feels even warmer than before when you notice.
Steve hasn’t woken up yet, you don’t think, because the faintest snores are getting puffed out against your shoulder where his face is tucked. His hand on your stomach has worked its way beneath your shirt, though, and his fingertips press against your skin, like he’s fighting to keep you close.
As if you’d go anywhere even in your sleep.
His knee is tucked between your legs, and you’re quickly realizing that it’d be pretty impossible to get out of bed without him noticing. You’re completely tangled together, a knot of limbs somehow fitting together just right. Like two puzzle pieces.
In his sleep, Steve’s mouth presses against the back of your shoulder, and only when you involuntarily shiver at the contact, does he stir.
It takes Steve a bit to really wake up, mumbling words that don’t make sense, scrunching his eyes shut even further before blinking them open. He’s met with the sight of you right in front of him. Body curved perfectly against his.
“Steve? You awake?” you ask, checking.
“Mhm,” he hums.
Then, something that has his cheeks flushing pink, he registers the feeling of his boner pressed against your ass. He shuffles them back enough so there’s space between you. “Fuck. Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you say. Because he can’t control the way his body reacts while he’s asleep.
“I didn’t think-” he cuts himself off, because he’s not quite sure how to say I didn’t think about the whole morning wood factor or that I’d fucking plaster myself to you when I suggested a sleepover without sounding stupid. Instead, he just repeats, “I’m sorry.”
You twist yourself around to face him, sheets crumpling and twisting as you move. When you settle back onto the pillow and look at his face, at the redness on his cheeks and the tips of his ears, you squeeze his hand that’s now laying between you.
“It’s okay, really,” you say. “It’s, like, anatomy. You’re human, Steve.”
“I don’t want you to think I invited you to sleep in here for some pervy reason,” he says, scrunching his nose when he says it.
“I don’t think that at all,” you tell him. You squeeze his hand again. “We’ve shared a bed like, a hundred times by now. If anything I’m surprised this hasn’t happened already.”
“Oh my God,” he groans, shutting his eyes and pushing his face into the pillow.
“Steve,” you drag out his name, fighting a giggle at the way he’s acting. He’s got a reputation, after all, and how shy and embarrassed he seems to be doesn’t reflect the things you heard about him in high school. He’s changed a lot since then. “It’s seriously fine. We can pretend it never happened. Promise.”
Steve pulls his face from the pillow, eyes catching yours as his fingers squeeze yours back in appreciation. He lets his eyes wander a bit, at the messy bits of your hair around your face from sleeping, the marks in your cheek from the pillowcase, the way your sleep shirt has fallen off your shoulder.
He feels lucky to get to see you this way, right after you’ve woken up. Vulnerable, unguarded, beautiful.
It’s during this small stretch of silence that you realize how close your faces are now. You’re sharing a pillow, his nose not even an inch from yours. Shift forward the slightest bit, and they’d be touching. Your eyes trail down to his mouth, to the visible patch of chest hair and the freckles that dot his skin. He’s already looking right at you when your eyes flick back upwards.
You know Steve, could tell what he’s feeling just from the look on his face, but this is one you’ve never seen before. At least, not directed at you.
Steve moves first, his eyes a little darker than usual, shifting forward slightly, then looking at you. Daring you to make the next move.
“What if we didn’t forget about it?” he says. Quiet and scratchy.
You don’t have time to think before you move forward a bit, too. Your noses brush. “What would that mean?”
Steve doesn’t answer with words. Rather, he moves forward the final bit and brushes his lips against yours in a question mark of a kiss, giving you time to pull away.
You don’t.
Instead, the hand of yours that isn’t still holding his comes up to the back of his neck, gently encouraging him to do it again. His free hand tightens at your waist as he dips in a second time.
It isn’t as tentative now that you’ve urged him on. His lips meet yours more sure, more firm, but still soft against you. Neither of you cares one bit about morning breath, or about what this might change. As if the morning’s haze slows time, minds still a little sleepy.
You’re simply acting on instinct. And this feels too right to stop.
Soon enough it grows more heated, Steve shifting to hover over you, his elbows pushing into the mattress to hold himself up, his tongue sneaking out to lick against the seam of your lips for permission.
Just as you open up for him, the blaring sound of Steve's alarm cuts you off, pulling back with a gasp. He simply leans up on one arm and slams the snooze button—and you laugh, you laugh, at how hard he hits it—before diving back into you.
You feel hot all over, where one of Steve’s hands has moved to cup your jaw, his thumb running delicately against your face as his mouth moves against yours, practically devouring you. Where the blankets are still over your lower halves, trapping in heat. When he pulls back, looks into your eyes, fucking smiles all dopey and pretty, and then kisses you again.
It’s so good, you’re almost angry at yourself for not kissing him sooner.
You kiss until his alarm goes off again and Steve's forced to pry himself away from you, groaning about being on his ‘last tardy warning’ from Keith.
Still, he takes the time to kiss your forehead on his way out, Family Video vest slung over his shoulder, calling a sweet, “bye, angel,” on his way out. His hair’s still a mess from your fingers, and he doesn’t even seem to mind.
You stay in his bed longer than you probably should, blinking up at the ceiling, fingers pressed against your lips like you’re searching for physical proof that everything was real.
What the fuck just happened?
-
It’s been a couple of weeks, and Steve can’t stop thinking about that kiss. He doesn’t know it, but you can’t stop thinking about it either.
Neither of you have brought it up, and things have faded back to normal as if it had never happened. But you and Steve are both thinking the same things without knowing it. How good and natural and easy it felt, how, every now and then, you think about doing it again.
You talk and joke and watch movies and eat meals together the same way you always have, and it’d be so easy to stay that way, to never kiss again. But then, what if you could stay that way and kiss? Wouldn’t that be something close to perfect?
You lay awake thinking about it every few nights. Because, when you really reflect on your life and how intertwined it is with Steve’s, you realize that you’ve sort of always acted like a couple, minus the kissing and sex aspect. You go on what could easily be classified as dates—the movies, lunch or dinner—you cuddle on the couch almost nightly, and you’ve never shied away from physical touch with one another. Held hands, a palm on your back.
You haven’t brought it up with Steve because you haven’t even come to terms with it yourself. Feelings are so fucking confusing and messy and you’d like to have a better idea of what’s going on in your own head before asking him about his.
Meanwhile, Steve has allowed himself to come to terms with it. He’s in love with you.
He’s pretty sure he has been for a while. Months, maybe even years.
It hadn’t come easily, though. It was nights spent similarly to yours, running through interactions you’ve had and the way he felt that one time in senior year when you went on a date with some guy from your math class. Even then, a part of him felt wrong about it, that pit in his gut.
Then there were his shifts with Robin at Family Video where he’d practically spilled everything just to get her opinion. She looked up and sighed “thank you” before saying that it was nice of him to finally catch on.
Had he really been that obvious? All this time? And had he really been that oblivious to his own feelings?
Steve can’t answer those questions. He can’t say when his love for you changed from platonic to romantic, he just knows that it has and he doesn’t think he’ll ever come back from it.
You’re his best friend in the entire world, the prettiest girl he’s ever seen, and he can’t picture himself loving anyone but you so wholly.
He’s fucking terrified of losing you, but he’s also terrified of never telling you how he feels and testing that what if.
So, like a desperate idiot, he knocks on the door to Eddie’s trailer.
Eddie opens it after a minute and what sounded like him stubbing his toe, “oh, hey Harrington. More weed?”
“No, shut up. I need your help.”
“You,” Eddie points at Steve, then at himself, “need my help for something? Are you ill?”
“Okay,” Steve, dramatic and bitchy as usual, sighs and mutters something about this being a stupid idea and turns to leave.
“Come on,” Eddie laughs, “I’m just joking. What’s up?”
Soon enough, Steve’s sitting on Eddie’s couch, Eddie pacing in front of the coffee table like this is a very serious matter, and telling him pretty much everything. Your kiss, the train of thought it sparked.
“Basically I’m in love with her and I have no clue what to do,” Steve finishes, sinking back into the couch cushions. It squeaks as he shifts.
Eddie pauses, tugging at his bottom lip between his fingers, then looks at Steve and says, “You know I’ve never dated anyone in my life, right?”
Steve groans into his hands, “Why do all of my friends have to be losers with no dating lives.”
Eddie ignores that, because he can tell how affected Steve actually is by all of this. How much he cares. He walks over and sits down on the opposite end of the couch. “Have you ever thought of, I don’t know, telling her how you feel?”
Steve rests his elbows on his knees, leaning forward and letting his head hang for a moment before picking it up. “Of course I have, but I’m fuckin’ scared.”
“What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Um, she could reject me and not feel the same way and everything would be awkward because I ruined it and I’d lose my best friend in the entire world.”
“What if she does feel the same?” Eddie asks.
He’s both yours and Steve’s friend, he’s been around the both of you together. He’s seen the way you look at each other. Eddie might not be an expert, but it’s always looked a lot like love to him. He’s pretty sure the chances of you feeling the same are quite high.
“What do you mean?”
“What if she does feel the same and you never figure it out because you’re too afraid?” Eddie says. “Man, don’t you think that risk is worth taking?”
Steve thinks about it, and as much as he hates to admit it, Eddie’s right. He’d hate to always wonder, to lose out on the chance to really be with you when he knows it could be so good.
You are worth the risk to him.
“When the fuck did you become so wise, Munson?”
“Dunno,” Eddie shrugs. “Wanna smoke?”
Steve laughs, “Yes I do.”
-
With Steve gone at work and you off for the day, there’s been too much room for your thoughts to creep in. Too much silence.
You’ve already been thinking about things so much. Thinking about him so much, that in his absence, your mind seemed to work overtime to fill in the gaps.
You thought about the day he picked you up from your apartment, how quick he was to drop whatever he’d been doing and come over and help you and take you home with him. The day he took you shopping and bought you a dress because he thought you looked pretty in it, the way his fingers fiddled with the strap on your shoulder when you tried it on for him.
The day he gifted you a remade version of your favorite picture from summer camp because he knew how much it meant to you, the way you held on to each other afterwards.
How you’d been waiting for him to get home that night he went to Eddie’s, just to make sure he was okay. How when he came in, he smiled at the sight of you curled on the couch, and he kissed your cheek when he walked by like it was the easiest thing in the world.
Your brain knew he was high, you could smell the weed mingling with his cologne on his clothes when he leaned in close, but your heart didn’t care about that. It thumped in your chest the second he leaned in closer, even worse when his lips touched your cheek.
The realization hits you now like a shock, a quick zip of electricity running through your system. You fucking love him.
Sure, you’ve loved Steve practically your whole life, but this was different. You love him, love him. Like, you want to kiss him when he comes home from work and in the morning. You want him to introduce you as his girlfriend and to be able to call him your boyfriend.
You feel stupid for not realizing it sooner, because looking back on things now, knowing how you feel, you can see it written throughout your entire friendship. Holding hands and kissing foreheads and hands pushing hair away from faces.
For a second, you’re purely happy, because you get to be in love with your best friend and it feels as warm and sweet as sunlight. Then, the fear creeps in, and you’re scared. Scared of losing him, of making things weird, of change and doing the wrong thing.
So scared that you start to panic and pack up some of your things in your bag like you’re running away.
Truthfully, you’re not sure what else to do. You’ve never been in love before, you’ve never known it this way—so kind and unconditional. And your parents sure as hell didn’t set a good example for you. They’d fight, and someone would leave with the slam of a door, and then they’d be back and the cycle would continue.
You’re scared and confused and your instincts are telling you to run away even though the only place you really wanna be is with Steve. In his arms.
You’re stuffing clothes into your bag just to keep your hands busy, breathing hard and fast, when you hear the front door open and close. Steve’s quick to find you, his eyes scanning your room and then looking at you. “What are you doing?”
You feel like you might cry just looking at him. His brown eyes worried but warm as always, his hands stuffed into his pockets like he’s nervous.
“I thought you weren’t supposed to be home until later,” you say, hoping he can’t hear the shake in your voice.
“It was dead, so Keith let me off early. I-” Steve furrows his brows, “are you leaving?”
You nod. “I’ve been in your way long enough.”
“I told you, you’re never in my way.” Steve knows you, and he loves you, and he can tell that there’s something going on. That you’re panicked and trying to get away from whatever it is. He cares too much to let that happen. “I want you to stay.”
You want to stay, too. You just don’t know what comes next, and that unknown, the lack of control, of familiarity, it makes your hands shake.
Your mind doesn’t work the same when you’re afraid.
“Give me one good reason why I should stay, Steve. I’ve been taking up your space for weeks and-”
“Because I love you.” Steve cuts you off. He hadn’t planned on telling you this way, he wanted it to be romantic and perfect but he can’t wait any longer. Especially not when you’re trying to run away. “I’m in love with you. And I want you here.”
You immediately stop in your tracks, blinking up at him like you’re not sure you’d heard him correctly. “You- what?”
“I love you. Romantically. And I think I have for a really long time.”
“You’re not high again, are you?” You ask, your eyes a little misty.
Steve walks over to you and grabs both of your hands in his, making sure you’re looking at him, at the sincerity written all over his face, when he says, “Completely sober. I fucking love you and I want you to keep living with me, because this house doesn’t really feel like home unless you’re in it.”
“What about when my apartment is ready?”
He squeezes your hands. “Stay then, too. Stay forever.”
You look up at him, his hair falling over his forehead, his eyes so honest, a tentative smile on his mouth. The only boy you’ve ever loved.
You feel silly for trying to escape this when this is how it’s turning out. Steve had been brave just now, telling you he loves you and he wants you to stay, so you decide to be brave, too.
It’s easier than you thought it would be to say: “I love you, too, Steve. I feel the same. I only just realized it and freaked out. I’m so scared of losing you, is all.”
“You won’t. Not ever.”
You tip your chin up to kiss him after he says it, because you can. You pour your feelings into it, and Steve returns your kiss as if it’s one he’s known for years. It’s slow, and deep, and sweet, and so full of love you’re practically overflowing with it.
The two of you only pull away when you need a breather. Steve doesn’t go far, resting his forehead against yours.
“So what happens now?” You ask.
“Well, we’ve been acting like a couple for a while, I think, so we stay the same. Mostly. Except now I get to call you my girlfriend-”
“Um, I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to ask me first.”
He lets go of one of your hands and pushes a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his knuckle running lovingly across your cheek. “My angel girl, will you be my girlfriend?”
Your grin is wide and lovesick and cheesy and you don’t care one bit. “Yeah, yes I will. Boyfriend.”
“And, being your boyfriend means I get to do this.”
He kisses you once more. And you don’t ever want to not be kissing him again.
𝜗𝜚
thank you guys so much for reading!!! it would mean a whole bunch if you would consider leaving a comment or a reblog and letting me know what you thing!! it helps more than you know <3
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classyrbf · 1 month
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ᯓ★ SUDDEN CHOICES! — TOJI FUSHIGURO
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SYNOPSIS...when you thought your marriage couldn’t fall apart more than it already was, you’re facing the reality of it all. Forced to deal with a broken heart and taking care of your child, you’re left with the ultimate decision of choosing to stay or choosing to leave
INFO...toji x fem!reader, reader and toji have a child, angst, marriage problems, mentions of cheating, arguing, crying, threatening to divorce, comfort towards the end, not proofread
OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated
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Toji stared at you from across the room, a defeated look on his face as you held your crying child in your arms. A sour look formed on your face when you looked back at him. You two had been arguing again, he’s lost count of how many times you’ve gone back and forth with each other. The thickness of the room made him feel like he was suffocating, stuck.
“We can continue this conversation tomorrow,” you harshly say, rubbing your baby’s back gently, trying to soothe him back to sleep.
“How about we just drop it?” Toji sighed, turning away from you. You had caught him talking with his coworker alone in his office, which wouldn’t be a problem if they’re faces weren’t two inches away from each other and her hand was placed so comfortably on his chest. You caught them when dropping off his lunch that he’d forgotten at home.
“Drop it?” Your eyes widen in surprise. “You want me to fucking drop it?” You scoff, shaking your head in disbelief.
“Yes! I want you to fucking drop it! Is it so hard for you to stop arguing for one fucking day?!” He shouts, voice echoing off the four walls of your home. The babies cries start back up again, and Toji lets out another tired sigh. And he can’t even look at you anymore, not when you stare at him with such emptiness, tears threatening to spill. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell—”
“You never mean to do anything anymore, do you?” You reply through gritted teeth, stomping past him to make your way to the babys room. You slam the door behind you, silence engulfs the room and you stand there alone, consoling your child as hot tears pour down your cheeks. “It’s alright, baby boy, just sleep.” You kiss the top of his head, shushing him.
Rocking back and forth on your feet, you stare into space, the thought of what would have happened if you hadn’t brought him his lunch plaguing your mind. The girl…she was young, beautiful, something that you feel you’d lost along the way. It’s part of the reason you think Toji has been so distant with you. He’s lost attraction to you, maybe even lost love for you. And every time you bring it up, he denies it with the roll of his eyes. He’s doesn’t comfort or reassure you. It’s like he’s bothered by you and your child.
You barely see him anymore, always at work or drinking at the bar with his friends. Hell, you can’t even remember the last time you actually got to spend time with him. Sometimes you wondered why he even asked to marry you, and you wonder why you said yes. It was clear your marriage was falling apart right before your eyes. He says he loves you but you don’t feel it, see it. You feel nothing. Just a bunch of empty words to make you think everything is okay.
You look at the shining diamond ring on your finger, watching as it glistened in the light. The day he asked you felt like something out of a fairytale. It’s a moment every girl thinks about, the day the one she loves asks her to be theirs forever. It what you’ve always wanted. A marriage, a family, and now that you have it…would little you be disappointed it’s not like what she imagined? Would she ask why our husband acts that way? Why he’s always making us cry? Why he’s never here? It’s strange to think about.
You thickly swallow, blinking down at your hand. Is it even worth it anymore? You don’t know Toji anymore. It’s like he’s a ghost. Tears spill from your eyes, a stoic look on your face. The door to the room creaks open and you can feel him standing behind you, his eyes burning a hole in the back of your head. He looks over to your child, his son sleeping soundly on your shoulder. He slowly walks over to you, worried at how oddly silent you are. “Mama?” He looks at you with furrowed brows. You’re still looking down at your ring, dried tears on your cheeks. His eyes flicker between your face and your ring, a concerned look in his eye.
“Here, lemme see him.” He gently grabs the baby from your arms. As soon as he does, you quickly exit the room, walking away without saying a word. The baby stirs in his arms and Toji strokes his cheek with the pad of his finger. “It’s alright. I’m sorry for yelling. Im sorry if I scared you.” He stares down at his son and Toji feels a wave of crushing sadness wash over him, like a dark cloud. He kisses his son’s cheek before placing him in his crib, turning the nightlight on and turning off the room light. He shuts the door softly, making his way to the bedroom where he finds you sitting at your vanity in the bathroom, staring at yourself while you wipe your makeup off.
“Mama, can you talk to me?” He leans against the doorway, the silence from you making him itch for something, anything.
You halt your movements and slowly turn to look at him. “What do you want me say? You asked me to drop it, so I did.” You shrugged, sniffling, looking away from him.
“I’m not cheating on you. I know what it looked like.” He walked over to you, his footsteps heavy. “She’s just—”
“You’re gonna tell me she’s just friendly, she’s a co worker, I walked in at the wrong time. Am I about right?” You slam your hand down on the vanity. “I’m sick, Toji! What even is this?” You stood from your seat, the chair scraping against the floor of the bathroom.
“What are you even talking about, y/n?” Clear signs of frustration show in his expression.
“You’re never home. We barely talk to each other besides arguing. You never touch me, make love to me, most of the time you can’t even look me in the eye! You sleep next to me and don’t even hold me anymore!” The tears your tried your hardest to hold back come flowing out with ease. The anger boiling inside you allows your words to be sharp and powerful. “I can’t…” Your voice breaks. Toji goes to reach for you and you push him away. “Don’t.” You shake your head. “I don’t want your touch if I have to beg for it.”
“You’re my wife, y/n. My wife. I married you,” he exclaims, eyebrows raised.
“And what does that mean to you exactly?” You ask. “Genuinely, what does it mean to you? I need to know.” You stare into his eyes. “You say you love me but I don’t feel it, I don’t see it. So, please be honest with me, Toji. If you lie to me one more time…I’m leaving.” You were tired, over everything.
“I love you, y/n—” Toji stops his words when you take your ring off of your finger, placing it in his hand. “What…what are you doing?” He’s quick to ask. “Mama, don’t walk away from me.” He follows you out of the bathroom. “I’m not lying to you.” He squeezes the ring in his hand.
“You are,” you calmly say. “You’re lying to me and yourself. You may love me, Toji, but you’re not in love with me. Not anymore,” you explain. “Did you fall for someone else or did you just wake up one day and realize I wasn’t what you wanted anymore?”
“What are you talking about?” He shakes his head. “Mama, look at me.” He grabs your hand and slides the ring over your finger. “I am in love with you. I’m lying to no one. Not you, not me. What is this about, huh? Is it about her? I’ll fire her. I’ll do anything.” He’s practically begging, his grip on your hand growing tighter, the other cupping your cheek, trying to get you to look at him.
“I don’t know what to do anymore.” You break down, sobbing. “I’m so tired of this.” You try and pull away from him but his hold on you is strong. “Why do you only change when I threaten to leave? Why can’t you just change on your own? Why do I have to yell at you and cry to get you to realize?” You hit his chest once, and then once more, and then again. And Toji stands there and takes it. “Why don’t you want me anymore?” You cry.
He wraps his arms around you, holding you tightly against his chest while you sob in his embrace. You hate the way he still brings you comfort despite being the sole reason of your pain. You feel conflicted. Should you stay or should you go? Does he mean everything that he says? By now, you think you would’ve learned your lesson, but it’s hard to leave someone you dearly love, someone you’ve grown accustomed to, been so intimate with. Imagining a life without him is hard, especially now that you have a child together. Leaving brings in the conflict of having to explain why you and Toji aren’t together, why your child only sees one or the other, and every holiday and birthday is now split into two.
Toji knows he’s grown distant with you. He’s aware. But never in a million years did he mean to make you feel like you weren’t enough for him. He regrets turning down every conversation you’ve tried to have with him about it, because in his head it was no big deal. His entire reasoning being the fact you two were arguing a lot more and he needed space. Which, now thinking about it, is a stupid reason. As for his co worker, he could care less about it. Toji knew she was overly friendly and he’s told her about you, about your family. He drew a boundary that she wasn’t respecting. Not once he cheated on you or thought about it.
Though, that doesn’t mean he’s the perfect husband. Not at all. He can lash out, say hurtful things and come off as selfish. Clearly. Your muffled cries fill his ears and he just holds you. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry. Im so sorry,” he says again. Slowly, he sits both of you on the edge of the bed. “We’re okay, mama. We’re alright. I promise.” He kisses the top of your head, holding onto you like he never wanted to let go. Toji doesn’t remember where things went wrong, but he didn’t want your marriage to continue down this path.
You lifted your head to look at him. His eyes immediately search yours and he can see how broken and tired you are. It shatters him. “You promise me?” You nervous bite the inside of your cheek. He wipes your tears and just with the touch of his hand he can make everything feel better, giving you hope.
“I promise you,” he says barely above a whisper.
“I miss you, Toji. I miss us.” Your lips quiver with a frown. His arms wrap around your waist, your arms instinctively wrapping around his neck as you both hold onto each other, hearts beating in sync against your chests.
“I’m here now. I’m sorry.” He heavily sighs. “I’ll make this right. I’ll do whatever you need to me to as long as you don’t leave. I can’t let you go—can’t let either of you go.” His voice begins to waver at the thought. His breath hitches, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“Can we lay down?” You mumble. At your request, he climbs into bed with you, laying you on top of his chest. It felt good to be so close to him again, something you haven’t felt in months. And Toji realizes he didn’t know what he was missing until he had you back in his presence again. Not in only in a physical sense, but mentally and emotionally as well. He drapes the blankets over the both of you.
“I won’t go into work tomorrow,” he blurts out. “We’ll spend the day together. Maybe ask Gojo to babysit for the day?” He suggests.
“What will we do?” You ask.
“Whatever you want, mama. We’ll have the whole day.” He intertwines his fingers with yours. You sit in silence for a few, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. “You’re important to me. I need you to know that.” He caresses your back. “You listening?” Toji peeks down only to find your eyes shut, you’re quickly asleep, chest rising and falling with each breath. A small smile quirks at the corner of his scarred lips. “We can continue this conversation tomorrow.”
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taglist (comment to be added):
@valleydoli @zxnxy @screechingbasementprincess @lexluthorbutnotbald @lynxslokley @briyah0 @levisjinchuriki @maiiluvs @levizonlywife
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kentopedia · 11 months
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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ safe haven — levi ackerman
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summary: all you've ever wanted to do was take care of levi.
contents: fem!reader, established relationship, 18+ mdni, baths, fluff, soft!levi, light angst, takes place in early seasons, love, handjobs but the smut is very brief and not graphic — 2.1k
notes. i am so emotional about him
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the bathroom door opens, cracks of light filtering through the shadowy space, causing beams to bounce off the soapy water. you don’t hear levi enter, but you feel him, just as you’ve always been able to.
he’s so silent, so careful as he steps, like he’s still expecting a titan to be around the corner at any moment, even when he’s home safe and sound. 
the door shuts, and the flash of yellow fades, the room glowing only by the few candles you have lit around the tub. 
levi says nothing, and you finally open your eyes, lazily trace your gaze across his frame, blurred by the grainy vision of darkness. he’s still wearing his uniform, the straps tight across his chest, though he’s already removing his cape, the emerald, billowing cloth resting loosely in his arms. 
there are swirls of dark colors on his face, deep scarlet cuts and blackened violet bruises. his hair falls over his forehead, thick strands stuck to his forehead from sweat and grime. the shadows under his eyes have only gotten worse, his cheekbones more prominent under his pale skin. 
“levi,” you say, in a voice that’s barely above a whisper, hesitant to break the peaceful silence. 
he glances over, severe blue eyes softening as they take in your relaxed form, glistening under the soapy water. your head rests on your forearms, and you gaze up at him from under wet lashes, the droplets of water sticking to each one. 
for a moment, he says nothing, contemplating as he gazes at you silently. then, he takes a step forward, kneels down to cup your cheek softly, a version of him no one else has ever seen emerging in the comfort of the darkness. 
you lean into his palm, his long, slender fingers rough and callused from all of the fighting. though there’s a comfort in that, in knowing that despite all he’s been through, all that the both of you have been through, you’ve made it home to one another. 
“sorry, the meeting ran late.” he says, studying you before tracing his thumb over your lips, watching the delicate skin bend with the pressure. “some people don’t know how to stop running their mouth.” 
you exhale a short breath, something akin to a laugh, and tug on his wrist, your hand soaking the sleeve of his white button-up. “come get in the bath with me.” 
levi makes a face at you, yanking his wrist loose from your grasp as he reclaims it for himself. “not after you’ve just washed off three days worth of grime. you’re sitting a tub of filth.”
“it’s clean, levi,” you sigh, sitting up so you can reach over the side of the tub for him once more. “i drew another bath, just for you.” 
a snort leaves him, but when he glances back over, he’s distracted by the droplets of water running over your chest, down the soft mounds of your exposed breasts. “i’m sure your intentions were nothing but pure,” levi remarks, but he’s already tugging at the leather straps that support the odm gear, unbuttoning his shirt. 
you laugh, and relax back into the tub as levi folds his clothes up neatly into a pile, despite needing to wash them later. his arms flex as he pulls at the straps of his boots, plains of corded muscles exposed from years of training. 
it’s stupid, really, that levi can’t see how beautiful he is, how he is a work of art, molded from the hands of gods. though they have treated him kindly in appearance, their generosity did not extend to other areas of his life. you try to remind him every day that he is loved, even if he is still uncomfortable about it, if he still shies away when you spout sappy, emotional words at him. 
levi dips a finger into the bath, testing the water, before he climbs in, the tension draining from his shoulders as he sinks into the tub. you’re upon him in an instance, maneuvering him so that he is between your softer thighs, his scarred, tense back on full display. 
“what are you doing?” levi asks, the words leaving him with a sigh as you trace his biceps, muscular and lean, a testament to the fact that levi is the strongest. 
“i’m washing your hair,” you say, but you focus instead on kissing his spine, dragging your fingertips across his hips. 
levi grabs your wrist, yanks hard, before his grip loosens. he twines his fingers with yours, peering over his shoulder so that your eyes meet.
“after all that work to get me naked, you won’t even let me kiss you.” 
you laugh, resting your forehead between his shoulder blades as he presses circles into your palm, relaxing the tendons. “you’ll get a kiss eventually.” 
levi huffs, but releases you, and lets you do as you please. you spill water over his head, the droplets running down the planes of his back, his dark hair turning an even deeper shade of black. 
as his breathing evens out, he grabs your knee under the water, lifting it so he can run a delicate touch down your calf. although, it’s soothing, distracting, you still manage to focus on massaging the soap into his scalp, the strands untangling as you run your hands through them. 
levi hums and leans further into you. it reminds you so much of a cat; he will always shirk away from affection, but he hate it even more when you stop giving it to him. 
you dig your fingers into the base of his skill, releasing the pressure there before massaging his shoulders. fists roam down his back, kneading out the muscles that so rarely get a break. the facade he puts on as captain of the survey corps fades away, and he becomes a softer version of himself, one who is still afraid to love but has always yearned for it even more. 
your hand drifts around him, around his waist, before you reach for his cock under the water, stroking it firmly as you rest your head on his shoulder. 
a stuttered exhale emerges from his chest. “what happened to pure motives?” he snorts, but his eyes flutter closed as you feel him grow harder in your palm.
you kiss his shoulder, up his neck, smiling against his skin. “i just can’t help myself when it comes to you.”
levi huffs out a sound of amusement, and though you can’t see his face, you don’t need to, to know that he is rolling his eyes. “you still haven’t let me give you a kiss,” he says, and you laugh into his back, feeling careless and happy and so full of love for the man who doesn’t let anyone treat him gently but you. 
“fine.” you sit straighter, lean forward so that your lips are the only thing levi sees when he turns his head. you curl them into a gentle smile, pucker them foolishly, but all of his attention is already on you. he craves you so deeply, he doesn’t bother to offer a snarky retort.
levi shifts into you, puffs of air leaving his lips before he kisses you, blue eyes a smokey color, grey with desire. he swipes his tongue along your mouth, tasting the soap that lingers on your skin, devouring you whole. while he kisses you, you stroke your hand up and down his cock, listening to the little sounds that leave his throat, the hoarseness that grows in his voice. 
it doesn’t take much to get levi to turn to putty in your hands; he hides his lust well, his devotion for you, but it is there nonetheless. perhaps he is a strong soldier, but he is a weak man when it comes to the affection of those who love him. 
“fuck,” levi mutters into your mouth, swallowing down his groans as you swipe a finger over his slit. he’s close, obviously so, and you run your other hand up his stomach, feel the ridges of his abdomen that are tense, even under the warm water. “feel so good,” he rasps, lazily kissing across your face. “you’re so pretty.” 
you smile, preening from the compliments that don’t come often, but are always so genuine. 
levi rests his forehead against yours and spills into your hand a moment later, his breathing off-kilter.
there is darkness in his stormy irises, but it clears around you, and that’s all you want, really; to be able to free levi of everything that plagues his mind, if only for a fleeting moment. 
he says your name, whispers it into lips that catch it, the word like honey in his deep voice. 
“hm?” you close you eyes, hearing the soft sounds of his breathing, the heart that beats beneath his ribcage. and it will continue to beat, until you can fight no longer, because you’ll never let a titan or anything else take him away from you.
levi cups your cheek once more, traces his thumb softly across the harsh bones. “you do know i love you… right?” 
the admission of affection catches you off guard. he’s said it before, but he uses it sparingly, and that’s always been okay with you. you know he is afraid of what might happen to you, and you know him too well to try and convince him otherwise. 
“i know. i’ve always know,” you say, kissing him again softly, his lips warm and plump. “you don’t have to tell me.” 
disbelief contorts his face, his dark eyebrows pinching together as he studies you. though you aren’t always the best at convincing him, you stroke his arm, massaging the muscles that are perpetually tense. it’s difficult to avoid the smattering of tender bruises that he can no longer hide under the military uniform. 
“i’m afraid i’m not good at showing it,” levi admits, and you soften, watching as uncertainty infiltrates his normally steadfast eyes. “but i hope—”
“levi,” you say, and you know the tenderness of it makes him cringe, but you can’t help it, not when your heart aches at every moment for the man before you. “just because you don’t show your love in the same way as me, doesn’t mean that i don’t feel it.” 
he stares, blinks once before nodding, letting the words seep into his soul. even though you know it won’t be the last time he admits his self-doubt, you don’t mind reassuring him. you’ll tell him as many times as it takes, repeat the words every moment you’re together for the rest of eternity, if only to make him realize how loved you feel by him. 
you lean back in the tub, your fingers wrinkled and pruned from sitting in the water for so long. but when you try to climb out, levi grabs you wrist once more, stops you with a gentle touch, and guides you back into him. 
his arms wrap around you tightly, nearly crushing your naked, warm bodies together with the force of his embrace. though he not one to let his vulnerabilities show, he still buries his head into your shoulder, lets you see how weary and broken down he has become. 
your nose digs into his dark, wet hair, the scent of shampoo lingering as you melt into him, hugging him back as closely. tension that you hadn’t realized you were hanging onto finally drains from your body, and you feel lighter than you have in days. as if your body has, at last, realized that you are no longer outside of the walls, and this is not a dream, but you truly are home, safe and sound. 
his fingers dig into your back, and you rest against him, never able to resist a moment wrapped up in his arms. 
levi sighs, dragging his nose across his neck. the water will turn cold soon, but you don’t mind. you’ll do whatever levi needs, wait here with him until you are both a shivering mess. 
“i’m glad you’re here,” levi says, just above a whisper as he kisses your collarbone. 
you smile. it’s not exactly another i love you, but you know that’s what he means.
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thelostconsultant · 1 month
Text
Midnight rain
pairing: Lando Norris x reader
summary: Lando wanted a family, but you weren’t ready. Three months after your breakup, he's still in love with you, and now it's your turn to decide whether or not to give him a second chance.
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“You’re exhausting,” you groaned into the phone.
It was well into the morning when Lando’s name flashed on your screen, which wouldn’t have been so surprising if you were in the same time zone. But you were in Singapore, six hours ahead of Belgium, which meant it was around three in the morning over there. When he spoke, his speech was slurred, he was obviously struggling to form coherent sentences, but he sounded hell-bent on talking to you right now.
Since you were almost at the stadium for rehearsal before tonight's concert, you didn't feel like keeping up the conversation, but the way his voice broke made you listen. You knew he hadn't been in the best state of mind since the breakup, but the fact he still felt so miserable made you sad.
“We would have beautiful babies, you and me. Why don't you want to see them? A mini you, or a mini me, maybe a mini mix of us… So cute,” he said, at least that’s what you managed to understand from his mess of a speech.
And he giggled. You could imagine him lying on his back, one hand holding the phone while the other hugged a pillow to his chest. Rolling your eyes, you thought about what to say to this. It was always the same story, he would call you, tell you how much he missed you, how much he loved you, how he wished you would marry him, and how much he wanted to have a child with you.
The same things that made you break up with him in the first place. He told you about his vision; a big wedding somewhere remote, then the two of you would travel together, preferably with you coming to his races as a good luck charm, and soon you would welcome your first child who would be spoiled rotten.
That's not what you wanted. You wanted to focus on your career, you wanted to go on tours, you wanted to make more albums, you wanted to do so much before becoming a wife and a mother. Lando didn't seem to understand this, he kept telling you it would be okay, that there were many singers who could return to where they'd been before, but you didn't buy it.
“Go to sleep, Lando,” you told him calmly, hoping that gentle parenting would work.
“No, I won't sleep until you're back to me. I'll stay awake and–Don’t touch my phone, Osc!” he protested suddenly.
You heard some bickering in the background, which was followed by a long sigh. “Hey, it's Oscar. I'm sorry, we stayed with him and have been trying to keep him from calling you, but he somehow snatched his phone back from Max. You okay?”
At least he was in good hands and under supervision. “Yeah, sure, thanks for staying with him. Good race for you two by the way,” you said with a smile.
“You watched it?”
“Well, I checked the results and saw the highlights.”
There was a short break which made you wonder if he was still there, but then he spoke up again. “Listen, I don’t want to be involved in this, but I’m worried about Lando. You broke up three months ago and he’s still a mess. I get it, you don’t want marriage and kids yet, but maybe he would understand your reasons and agree to wait if you just sat down to discuss it.” You didn’t know what to say to that, but apparently Oscar was also a bit hesitant. “Do you still love him?”
“I don’t know if it’s love, but I care about him. We were together for over three years, it’s not gonna disappear from my life in a blink of an eye,” you explained. “But… I don’t know, I’m just afraid he would be back at it in a matter of weeks, once again trying to convince me to start a family with him.”
“And if we talked to him when he was sober? If we made sure he understands what you’ve been trying to tell him? Would you give him another chance?”
You took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. Would you? Would it be worth it? You were on tour right now, but after the next four concerts you would end the Asian leg and have a few weeks for yourself. You would have time to figure things out. “I would talk to him, and maybe I would be willing to try again. Once last time. The moment he’s back on his bullshit, I’m going to leave him for good,” you added.
You could hear the soft laugh from Oscar’s side, and you could see him glancing down at his teammate with a smile. “I’m sure he would like it. I’m not sure how long he’ll be knocked out once we convince him to sleep, but I’ll tell him to call you at a reasonable time when he’s finally sober again, okay?”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks for everything.”
He said goodbye and left you with your thoughts, wondering if you made the right call. Maybe there was a part of you that wanted to be with him, because the years you spent together meant a lot to you. He was one of the kindest people you’ve ever met, a ray of sunshine, really, in stark contrast with your sometimes gloomy personality.
But who knew, maybe his friends can talk some sense into him.
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Lando knew he only had one chance at this. All his friends were very clear about this, Oscar especially, since he had been the one to talk to you. During that one phone call a week ago, you agreed to come to him in Monaco, visiting his apartment so you wouldn’t have this conversation at a public place. It was something between the two of you, there was no need for strangers hearing even snippets of it.
When you arrived and his eyes fell on you again, every single thought left his brain. He was just standing there in the door, utterly speechless, surprised that he didn’t start drooling at the sight. After all those months spent looking at photos of you at your concerts, seeming like you had the time of your life on the stage, it was so nice to see this you, the one without the sparkling dresses, the down-to-earth girl he loved so much it hurt.
“Can I come in?” you asked him hesitantly.
He blinked a few times before realizing he had been staring for a little too long. “Sure, sure, come in,” he said as he stepped out of the way. “Can I bring you anything?”
Shaking your head, you sat on the couch and patted the empty space next to you. Like a well-trained puppy, Lando sat down and turned to look at you, taking in every little detail as if this was the last time he saw you. Because maybe this was the last time, maybe you would end the conversation with the decision that this relationship couldn’t be revived.
After several painfully silent minutes later, you finally stopped fidgeting with your ring and let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to start a family yet, at least not the way you want it. Marriage is one thing, but… You expected me to spend my time following you around. I have my own career to nurture, Lan, you need to understand that. Sure, one day I’ll be ready for it, but not yet,” you explained kindly, your eyes examining his face for a reaction.
But Lando knew better than to let his disappointment be visible, he fought hard to keep it away from you. So, when he spoke up, his voice was also kept neutral. “But you wouldn’t be against it one day, right? Starting a family with me, I mean,” he said, deep down hoping there would be a dazzling smile on your face as you replied.
You smiled, but it was more of a polite, maybe little uncertain smile. “Yeah, one day, although I can’t tell you when, I can’t give you a deadline. Maybe in our early thirties, maybe sooner. You would have to wait and see. Do you think you can do that?”
He couldn’t hold back a sad laugh, mostly because you didn’t really give him the choice to negotiate. You told him what you had to offer, and it was a take it or leave it situation. And he wanted you back in his life, he wanted to be by your side every step of the way, he wanted to be your biggest fan, and he needed you to support him. “I can. For you,” he added seriously as he reached out to take your hand.
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wandascosmic · 7 days
Text
enough for you
wanda maximoff x fem!reader, natasha romanoff x fem!reader
summary: in which your girlfriend natasha makes you feel like you're never enough. (based off enough for you by olivia rodrigo)
word count: 2069
tags: angst, toxic relationship, insecurity, arguments, cheating, reader feels unloved (and unworthy of love), poor reader can never catch a break, cryptic mention of reader's mother being dead, self- hatred, reader's so sad, nat sucks (like a lot), but wanda comes through at the end like she always does and they have a little meet-cute :), i wrote this in one sitting while listening to enough for you on a loop
part two: so american
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You sigh as you try to do your makeup in your mirror as flawlessly as possible. Every blemish or mark on your face needed to be covered up so you could look perfect for Nat. You were desperate to measure up to the gorgeous women Nat has dated before you and for that, you needed to look absolutely pristine.
In the past year, you’ve done so many new things you weren’t fond of just for Nat to like you. From nearly destroying every single muscle in your body at the gym just to measure up to her rigorous exercise routine, all the way to learning how to cook and bake every single one of her favorite foods until it was all you two ever ate despite your dislike for the majority of her preferred meals, you’ve tried so hard to be everything that Nat liked so she wouldn’t get sick of you. 
You frown slightly, Nat has never once acknowledged your kind gestures and actions, nor reciprocated them. 
“I’m just not the compliment type, Y/N, just drop it,” she had told you one time when you had confronted her on why she never acknowledged your efforts. 
You bit the inside of your cheek and nodded wordlessly. 
***
“I made you your coffee,” you told Nat as she entered the kitchen in the morning. 2 creams, no sugar, just how you like it. 
Nat nodded and took the mug from you, sitting down at the table and barely paying any attention to your gesture. 
Clearing your throat, you tell her, “I also got up early this morning to buy tickets for us to go to that band I know you’ve been wanting to go to for a while.” You cross your fingers behind your back, hoping for her to tell you you’re good enough for her just this once. 
“Sorry, babe, Carol already got them for me,” she responds, your heart falling to your stomach. Putting her empty mug in the sink, she plants a kiss on your lips. “Besides, you don’t even know the lyrics to their songs.” She leaves you on your own in the kitchen. 
I know all of them by heart because of you. 
***
“Hey, Y/N?” Nat asks you one night on the couch. 
“Yeah?” you respond, turning to face your girlfriend. 
“I don’t really feel like myself these days.” Nat pauses. “Do you know what might help?” Despite the content of her question, you still smile, because this was your chance. This was your chance to show her that you might truly be worth loving. 
“First, I’m always here if you need to talk,” you say softly, but Nat makes no sound of acknowledgment next to you. “And second, make your own decisions you believe will be beneficial to you, just for yourself, and do the things that bring you fulfillment,” you explain. 
Nat finally turns and looks at you thoughtfully. “How did you figure that one out?” 
“I read your self-help books,” you reply sheepishly. I read all of them. 
“Wow, you’re pretty smart,” Nat replies, going back to the movie the two of you were watching together. 
And you smile for the rest of the night because that’s the first compliment Nat has given you since you first started dating a year ago. 
***
You and Nat had a fight. It isn’t the first time, but it’s the first time it’s hurt you this much as you truly take in your current reality. 
You’re crying in your shared room, Nat leaving you to go out for drinks you assume. 
Earlier tonight, you made the stupid mistake of asking why she was never there for you, it was during the heat of the moment, but your outrage felt justified due to the fact that she missed your award ceremony for your article in medical research (the third time this year she’s missed one of them but you did your best to forgive her before this), and she had simply scoffed at you telling you that it wasn’t even a big deal anyways. 
But this one was a big deal to you. 
It was research that could have saved your mother. 
“I nearly get killed every time I go out on the job, Y/N! Some stupid neuroscience article is nothing compared to that!” she yelled at you, exhausted from her day at work. 
Your eyes flooded with hurt as Nat’s filled with regret. 
“Wait, I’m sorry,” she said remorsefully. 
The first sign of remorse she’s ever shown you. 
“It’s fine, Nat,” you reply, trying to keep your tears at bay. You weren’t even in neuro, but that didn’t matter. Not to her. “Just go out, like you wanted.” You wave her off to go upstairs to your room. 
“Y/N, wait-” 
You didn’t listen, shutting the door before collapsing to your knees as you started to sob. 
Stupid, emotional, and obsessive. That was what you were. 
***
Nat has been home late for the past few nights, your worry increasing with each passing day. It’s probably something to do with work, but something feels off. 
“Where were you?” you ask Nat as she enters the front door. “I was worried sick.”
“I’m fine, Y/N. I just got held up at work,” Nat doesn’t make eye contact with you. 
“Oh, okay,” you say softly, feeling oddly small compared to your girlfriend. “Couldn’t you have called?” 
“For god’s sake, Y/N, my phone was dead. God, you’re so clingy,” Nat bites back, walking past you to go straight up to your room and slamming the door. 
You sigh, heading for the guest room since you know Nat won’t let you sleep next to her tonight. 
Suddenly, you hear Nat’s phone go off. And you realize that she had left it by the front door. 
Picking it up, you notice, that it’s at nearly full charge. 
Your brows furrow as you see the message your girlfriend received. 
Carol: Had a great time tonight, Nat. 
You don’t stop crying until the sun rises, one phrase ringing through your head the whole night. 
What are you doing wrong? 
***
“Am I not as interesting as the girls she’s dated before me?” you cry to Yelena as she rubs your back in comfort. 
“My sister is an idiot,” Yelena mutters, seeing how your relationship with Nat is tearing you apart. 
“What?” you choke out through your tears. 
“I think you love her more than anyone she’s ever had, and she couldn’t care less.” 
“She’s breaking my heart, Lena,” you sniffle. “But more than that, she’s breaking me.” 
You cry harder into your best friend’s arms.
“I don’t know who I am anymore,” you sob into her shoulder.  
***
“Where were you?” you ask Nat as she comes home past midnight once again. 
“I was at the compound, we had a villain that got out so we had to take care of him.” 
You nod, but Tony already sent you the camera footage for tonight after you told him about your issues with your girlfriend and you know she was with Carol. 
“Are you sure?” you inquired. 
“Yes, Y/N,” Nat says exasperated. “For god’s sake, why are you never satisfied with whatever I do?” she says walking past you. 
“I don’t think that’s true,” you tell Nat from behind her. 
“What?” she says, turning around to face you. 
“You’re never satisfied with me,” you state. “The only thing I’ve ever wanted is to be good enough for you, but nothing I ever do for you seems to make you happy.” 
Nat scoffs. “That’s ridiculous.” 
“I know you were with Carol tonight,” you reveal. 
“No, I wasn’t,” she denies. 
“Tony sent me the footage, I know there was no villain. I know you’re cheating on me, and I know that you never cared about me,” you state. 
“Fine, whatever, I’m going to bed,” Nat says, completely disregarding you and everything she’s done to destroy the person you once were. 
“We’re done, Nat,” you tell her as she walks up the stairs to your once-shared room. 
Nat waves you off like you’ve never meant anything to her. 
And maybe you never did. 
***
“I loved her so much, I still do, and all she did was use me, then throw me away like I meant nothing to her,” you tell Yelena at the drink bar. Nat was away on a mission, so Yelena thought it might be fun for you to join her at one of the Avengers parties. 
“Don’t worry Y/N,” Yelena tells you. “I could tell her to apologize to you, but clearly she’s got some issues to figure out within herself before she can resolve any outside.” 
You nod wordlessly. 
What Yelena says then surprises you, “But honestly? She should be the one feeling sorry for herself.” You look at her curiously. “Someday, there will be someone out there who will love you as deeply as you love them.” 
“I don’t know, Lena,” you say softly. “Nat was everything to me.” 
“Someday, Y/N, you’ll be everything to somebody else.” 
***
1 year later
You’re running late for work, rushing out the door of the coffee shop, and you don’t notice the fact that you’ve bumped into someone until your coffee spills all over the floor, making you gasp. 
“Oh, my god, I’m so sorry,” you tell the figure in front of you, and suddenly you freeze, at the sight of her glimmering emerald green eyes. Like Nat’s, but eternally softer. Eternally more curious. 
“Oh, no worries,” she says with a smile, pulling a few napkins out of her purse. 
“I didn’t spill any on you, did I?” you ask the woman, your mind a mess due to your embarrassment at spilling your coffee, but still quite fuzzy at the sight of her undeniable beauty. 
If you weren’t so much of a useless homosexual, you would bend down and help her clean the coffee she’s currently wiping away. Much like how she’s wiping away your ability to form any sort of cohesive thought. 
“No, I’m ok,” she laughs, standing up once more once all the coffee’s gone. “C’mon, let me buy you a new one.” 
Your eyes widen. “Oh, no, it’s not a big deal. Besides, it’s completely my fault for bumping into you-” 
“I want to,” she cuts off with a soft smile. 
“Oh,” you say softly. “Okay,” you finally resign to the comforting look she gives you.  
“Let me just make a quick phone call,” you let her know, hoping she doesn’t leave. 
“Take your time,” she assures. 
You smile gratefully. 
Your phone call was to call in sick to work for the second time in your life –you didn’t have a busy day today and you were running late anyways– and it was all to spend time with a pretty girl.  
On any other day you’d probably laugh at how pathetic you were, but this woman made you feel an odd sense of uncertainty within your life. 
Like nothing had ever made sense before her. 
Once you hang up the phone, you turn to see the woman already standing there, a white to-go coffee cup with a bit of steam escaping the spout. 
“Here’s your coffee,” the woman hands you the cup with a big smile as you pocket your phone. You inspect the label, your mouth parting slightly in shock once you see all of your preferred customizations. Done perfectly. 
“How do you know my coffee order?” you ask. 
“I took the label off the old one,” she says, showing you the sticker in the palm of her hand. “Want to sit?” She points to the array of round tables within the cafe.  
“I don’t even know you,” you say slowly. I called in sick to work for you, it’s a little too late for that. 
The brunette woman laughs before holding out her hand for you to shake. “Hi, I’m Wanda,” she says. 
“Y/N,” you respond, shaking her outstretched hand as your face flushes slightly at its softness. 
“See? Now we know each other,” Wanda says cheekily. 
You nod with a shy smile, following her to the table in the back as the two of you settle down into a small conversation. 
Somehow, the two of you spend the rest of the day talking and laughing, and you think it might be the best day of your life. 
Little do you know, Wanda thinks so too.
part two: so american
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finelinevogue · 1 year
Text
baby fever
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summary - it’s wembley night one and you are really warm and pregnant
word count: ~1k
pairing: husband!harry x pregnant!reader
a/n: you can count on an anxious ellie the night before her harry concert to pull through with a blurb
Backstage was chaos.
A good chaos though. The night of a show is always so hectic backstage. A good buzz of people rushing for final checks and enjoying a drink in efforts of their hard work putting the show together.
Mitch was tending to Sarah and their baby.
Madi was vocally preparing for her big moment.
Jeff was here, on the phone as always.
Harry was nowhere to be seen.
And you. Well you couldn’t move far with the size of your baby bump anymore.
Not only was the baby bump heavy to carry, but also made your body ten times warmer than normal. In this heat too, it was not a fun experience.
If you knew where Harry was right now you’d thump him on the head for knocking you up. How dare he.
This was all jokes though and you actually have thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant. Getting tended to and loved on a little extra from Harry made everything worth it. It was no lie that you and Harry were excited. You just had to make it through these tough days first.
Harry had left you in his dressing room, surrounded by fans to help cool you down.
However, he’s been gone for an hour now and the fans aren’t doing anything to help your body temperature cool. Being pregnant in this heat is disgusting.
So, after a good ten minutes manoeuvring, you moved to the bathroom instead, where the tiles were cold.
Now you’re laying on your back, like a starfish, as you attempt to cool yourself down better with the cold tiles.
You’d think this stadium would have air-con…
The tiles weren’t really working either, but they were better than the fans.
“Babe?!” Harry called out from the dressing room, most likely worried for your whereabouts.
He walked in the bathroom moments later, his panicked face slowly disappearing after finding you. He leant against the doorframe on one arm and crossed his legs over as he stood smiling over you.
“Don’t laugh.” You said, eyes closed to try and focus on coming your body down.
Your eyes closed meant that you missed Harry taking a quick photo of you to add to his pregnancy photo album of you.
“I’m not.” He replied.
“You’re definitely smiling. I can feel it.” You said and Harry laughed at that, making his tiny giggle that had your insides fluttering.
“Shut up you.” Harry giggled. “Are you okay down there, baby?” He asked to make sure.
Next thing you know, before you’ve even replied, Harry is knelt down next to you in his shorts and tshirt. One of his hands rests on your belly, whilst your other goes to brush over your forehead.
“Don’t touch me.” You said, eyes still closed to the world.
“That’s something I don’t hear very often.”
“Yeah and it’s also the reason I’m in this predicament right now.”
Harry can sense you rolling your eyes even with them shut.
“I’m sorry, babe.”
“Control the weather better next time.” You replied, making him laugh again.
“Do you want to move or get some water?”
“No and no.”
“Please? At least some water? For me?” He persisted and even though you really didn’t want to move, you knew he was right in making you have some water.
Harry doesn’t really give you the option and instead moves to fetch a water bottle for you.
When he brings it back, you sit up a little with the help of Harry. Harry tilts the bottle for you, as you hold you body up by your hands.
Once you’ve done, Harry sits his back against the wall and motions for you to sit on the opposite side. He would really love for you to be cuddled up against him right now, but he knows that wouldn’t be the best idea for you or your baby.
Now he can see your eyes, he is much happier. Your eyes show him that you’re still happy, regardless of this horrible weather. That sparkle in your eyes is there because of him.
“Thank you.” You tell him, for the water. “Feel like a sausage on a barbecue.”
“A sexy sausage.”
You huff out a chuckle, “I’m too exhausted to even be grossed out by that.”
“Well that just confirms that you’re not 100% yourself, lovie.” Harry laughed.
“I apologise in advance if I can’t make it out for your set, H.” You pout and Harry shakes his head at you.
“Absolutely not. No apologies. I want you and baby safe, okay? You go at your own pace.”
“Might make it in time just to go crazy at Kiwi.”
“So, you mean just nodding your head?” Harry teased you because he knows you really can’t move very much with the big baby bump.
“Maybe even tap my foot.” You carried on the joke.
“Oh jheez babe. Don’t overdo it.”
You smile and Harry copies you.
“I love you. I’m so fucking proud of you.” You tell him.
“It’s funny how I’m about to play a sold out stadium and yet I’m more proud of myself for finding you and becoming a parent with you.”
You hum in delight over his words.
Harry chuckled, moving forward to bend and kiss your bump gently, “I love you baby.” He says as he leans up and finds your lips next, “And I guess you’re okay too.”
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Coming Home
thought i was about to write dirty dirty things then this super fluffy sex came out idk what happened
pairing: Miguel O'Hara x reader description: fluffy sex when Miguel comes home, NSFW MDNI! word count: 1k
You’re hanging out in Miguel’s quarters, lying on his bed, scrolling through your tablet. You’ve been sleeping here a lot lately. It unfortunately didn’t always mean you got to be with him; his schedule was completely unpredictable, and there were many nights when he never came back, working through them or having to go on missions. But you loved to revel in his space, in the fact that he let you be there, that he wanted you there. And the nights when he did come home, well, those made it more than worth taking the chance.
When you hear the door opening, excitement rushes through you at the fact that tonight was one of those special occasions. You’d get to sleep wrapped up in his warmth, to the feeling of his surprisingly gentle caresses.  
He leans by the door casually, watching you intently. “Not gonna say hello?” you ask after a moment. 
“Just admiring the view.” His eyes travel the length of your body. “Not every day you get to come home to the most beautiful woman just lounging on your bed.” “Well you could. If you came home every day.” You meant it to be teasing, playful, but it comes out more sincere than you intended, a hurt longing lacing your voice. His face softens, and he makes his way over to you. He crawls over the bed until he’s half on top of you. Leaning on one strong arm, his other hand coming to caress your side. “Perdóname, preciosa. You know I want to.” He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck. “Fuck I want to. I’d rather be right here than anywhere else.” He kisses your neck. [Forgive me, beautiful.]
Your hand winds its way into his curls, scratching lovingly, holding him close. 
“Miguel, I know. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry, baby. I know.” You kiss his forehead. “Fate of the universe and all that,” you tease, trying to lighten the mood. You hadn’t wanted to make him feel guilty; you know how much he carries around already. 
He pulls his face back to look into yours. He hums low. 
“Pero tú eres mi universo.” He kisses you lightly, and now you hum deep in your chest, melting at his words and touch. [But you are my universe.]
You kiss him back. It’s slow, deliberate. He brings his body fully on top of yours. You let your hands roam it. His travel yours too, gripping here and there, as your mouths move against each other’s languidly. 
“I love coming home to you,” he whispers between kisses. “You’re the home I come back to.”
“Te amo,” you whisper back, and he smiles. You wrap your legs around his hips and pull him to you. 
The longer you make out, the longer your bodies rub against one another’s, the easier it becomes to feel his firmness resting between your legs. You rut your hips up into his, and he groans, returning the movement with his hips. His cock starts dragging on your cunt as he grinds into you. Without breaking your kiss, you reach down and pull on his pants. He obliges, pulling them the rest of the way off, as you pull your own down.
Miguel repeats his grinding motions, no clothes between you now, coating his cock in your wetness.
“Please, baby,” you plead. He nods, rests his forehead on yours, eyes boring into yours, as he brings one hand down and guides himself into you. His mouth opens in a silent scream as he slowly pushes in. Hands on either side of his face, you pull him into a messy kiss, continuous but broken by pants and moans as he takes his time bottoming out. 
Once he’s fully seated inside you, he pauses. You squeeze him, and he moans into your mouth, thrusting into you even though there’s no deeper to go. It’s warm and rousing, and you move your hips against him, wanting to keep feeling that. 
Still kissing you, Miguel finally moves his hips back, taking his time, before pushing back in equally slowly. You whine at the sensation. 
He does it again and again until he’s fucking you languidly, lovingly. Every second of it is charged, intense, delicious. It builds slowly until the steady buzz is interspersed with electric waves. 
You give a strangled whimper. Miguel, ever-attentive, brings his hand to his mouth at your sounds, your shudders. He licks his fingers then brings them down to where you’re connected, rubbing your clit in time with his thrusts. You whimper even louder and chase his hand with your hips. 
He moves just a bit faster, pushes harder, keeps it up till you’re tight and whining. And when he feels your body tense, he pistons in and out of you, his hand vibrating perfectly to pull your orgasm out of you. You whine into his neck as you cum around him. He slows his motions but keeps them up, and you keep cumming for much longer than usual. It’s strange, the intensity drawn out for so many seconds, and when you finally finish, your whole body shakes. 
“Fuuck, nena, can I — can I keep —“ 
Miguel’s choking on his words, but you nod and pull him tight with your arms and legs wrapped around him. “Yeah, baby, keep going,” you pant. “Keep going till you cum, Migue.” He groans at your words, picks up his pace. It’s almost too much for your now very sensitive body, but it instinctively pulls him in as he chases his own release. 
When he finally gets there, he smashes his lips on yours and kisses you ardently as his hips stutter. He empties himself inside you. He stays above you, inside you, panting with his lips still grazing yours.
You look into each other’s faces, caressing here and there. You don’t need to put words to the feeling encapsulating the both of you. When Miguel finally moves off of you with a peck, it’s easy to push down the disappointment knowing that in a matter of minutes you’d be wrapped in him again, entangled in each other for another perfect night.
~~
thanks for reading!
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kimarii-00 · 3 months
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Regrets and Punishments (2)
❥Summary: Armando knows he made a mistake. He knew when he decided that his mother was more important than his girlfriend. But he planned to return to her, he really did. He never could’ve anticipated being gone for as long as he was. Seeing her face again was like getting shot: You get that adrenaline rush, yet the pain ends up biting you in the ass later on. Especially when he discovers what, or dare I say, who he also left behind all that time ago.
❥Warnings: Slow burn, kidnapping, language, guns/shooting, blood, violence, suggestive scenes (?), eventual happy ending
❥Word Count: 4.8k (2k words more than the last one ;))
❥Part 2/2
PART 1
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AN: I did not expect all the support for the first part, thank you guys!! I hope this last part was worth all the hype! Enjoy!!
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“(Name),” Kelly begins, “I’m so sorry I–”
“What the hell do they even want with her? She’s a fucking child. Four! Four fucking years old,” As angry as you were right now, you couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, “I can’t… What if they hurt my baby?”
“They’re probably going to use her as some sort of backup in case their plan with Mike’s wife goes south…”
In all honesty, you think you had a hunch on why they took Demi. Because he’s her father… They must’ve done their research…
You’re surprised Armando hasn’t pressed you more by now about Demi. He must’ve had questions because last time he checked, you didn’t have a kid, so from his perspective, in the years he was gone you either must’ve hooked up with some guy and had his kid, or the passionate night you two shared before he left must’ve really paid off…
“(Name) I swear, we’re not going to let anything happen to Demi,” Kelly said in an attempt to sooth your motherly insticts. You felt nausious but you appreciated that you weren’t in this alone. Kelly had always been there for you, especially when the father of your child left and you found out you were pregnant with his kid a week later. She was there for you when nobody was. She had helped you through depressive episodes so you wouldn’t stress yourself and end up hurting the baby, she was there for you when you went into labor and had to be rushed to the hospital. She was there when the loud cries filled the room when the doctors popped Demi out of you.
Thinking of this only made you angrier, because it was wrong that you had to rely so much on your best friend instead of the man that was supposed to be Demi’s father, and now, because of his involvements with these people, your daughter has been taken. She has nothing to do with this.
You wipe your face, trying to get the tears to stop falling but they just wouldn’t. Out of the corner of your eye, you catch Armando looking at you with an expression that you can’t read but when he notices that you’ve seen his antics, he averts his attention elsewhere. You can’t help but think that he wants to say something to you, but you can’t bring yourself to care in this moment.
As much as you’d like to deny it, deep down you still have feelings for that man. But there are many reasons as to why you can’t just happily jump back into his arms and ask him to take you back.
Right now, you have more than yourself to worry about. You have Demi, and if you were going to get with a man, she deserves to have someone that will care and love her and right now, you aren’t sure that man could be Armando.
You aren’t paying much attention to the group as they talk about a plan to get the hostages back, you aren’t in your right mind and it seems everybody notices that. All you can think about is your little girl.
Mike looks at his son, and even though they don’t have the deepest relationship, he can tell that the boy is worried for you. He still isn’t entirely sure what you and him are to each other, but he can definitely tell that seeing you as broken as you are now is breaking something in Armando himself. He makes his way to Armando’s side and slightly nudges his side to get his attention.
“Go talk to her,” he says, gesturing to the grieving woman, “You two clearly have things to discuss, you better get it out of the way before we start making moves.”
“She doesn’t want to talk to me,” Armando grumbles, his eyes wandering to your person for what felt like the hundreth time in the last ten minutes.
“You never know until you try–”
“I did try, she told me to get the hell away from her.”
“Listen man, I don’t know what your relationship is with her, but what I do know is that if you don’t talk to her now, you might not get another chance to.”
Armando takes in his fathers words, contemplating his options and realizing that he really only has two: Not talk to you and then potentially die before he gets the chance to, or two, talk to you know and list the weight thats been on his chest ever since he saw you walk through that front door.
He decides that he would probably come to regret picking the latter, but his feet are gliding him toward where you sat with Kelly before he could find some excuse as to why he should wait until later to have this inevitable conversation.
You don’t seem to notice him until he’s standing before you, yet you don’t lift your head. Kelly does, however, and gives him a certain look that read, “If you hurt her more than she’s already hurting, I swear I’ll kill you”. He nodded to her, and she hesitantly nodded back. She rubbed your back in a comforting way one last time before standing up and walking toward the rest of the group. Armando took her place next to you.
He doesn’t say a word. Neither do you. It’s a mix of awkward and comfortable silence between you two before you break it by suddenly speaking up.
“She’s yours,” You say without warning. You decided that you’d rip the band-aid off and quell any thoughts about you hooking up with some other guy that he might’ve had, “Her name is Demi. She’s four… She’s yours.”
“...I had a feeling,” He starts, “I’m sorry.”
You don’t say anything and wait for him to expand. You wait for his to say anything to help you understand why he left you. Why he abandoned you and your unborn child. But he says nothing.
You sigh, “Why’d you do it?” You sounded tired. You didn’t want to argue. You just wanted him to help you understand his decision all those years ago.
“I got caught up in some shit. Fucked with the wrong people.”
“Yeah no shit,” You spit out.
Silence overtakes you both once again.
“You didn’t even leave a text,” You say quietly, “Y’know I waited for you. I waited, and waited, and waited, and then waited some more, yet you never came home. Never.”
Up until this point your head had been in your hands, trying to soothe your pounding headache, but now your gaze laid on his face, making direct eye contact. You let him see your stinging red eyes from all the crying you’ve been doing.
“I didn’t want to involve you in my shit. I didn’t want you to end up hurt because of me–” He begins, but you don’t take any of that bullshit.
“Yeah? Well I’m involved now, and guess who’s paying the fucking price? My– our child.”
This shuts him up. He doesn’t have anything to say to that, other than, “I’m sorry.”
You scoff. Is that all he can offer you? After all he’s put you through?
“Was it even real?” You ask on a whim.
“What?” He questions.
“Us. Was it real? Since you found it so easy to just up and leave some random day?”
“You think that shit was easy?” He snaps, “I loved you– I love you so much, so how the hell could you say that me leaving you was fuckin’ easy?”
You flinched at the correction from loved to love, “You sure as hell made it seem that way.”
He startled you by grabbing your shoulders tightly. He turned you so you looked at him fully, eye contact as intense as ever.
“I had to damn near fight myself to not turn back and run into your arms again after I left you. I thought about you every fuckin’ day that I wasn’t around you. If I could go back, I swear I would’ve told my mother to fuck off if it meant that I could stay with you… with our child. But at the time I was a fucking idiot and I thought–” He had to stop his rambling for a moment to take a breath. You stared at him with wide eyes, he was never one to go on tangents like this, and you made no effort to stop him. “I thought that leaving was the best decision for you, for us, at the time and I planned on coming back. I really did. But everytime I even thought it was okay to return more shit kept happening and I just– I didn’t want you involved.”
You let him trail on with his words as you found comfort in his somewhat desperate hold in your shoulders.
“I never meant to hurt you the way I did.” Armando concluded.
You avert your eyes down slightly, breaking the eye contact but he puts his finger under your chin to lift it back up. He doesn’t want you avoiding this conversation.
He isn’t sure what possessed him to lean down, shortening the distance between the two of you until there was nothing but a pocket of air seperating his lips from yours, but as he’s about to take the final step, you pull away slowly.
“I-I’m sorry, I just…” You begin, unsure of what excuse your about to pull, “I can’t.” You say, deciding not to beat around the bush.
He nods in understanding, yet you immediately recognize the hurt in his eyes.
You pull away from his hands on your shoulders and he makes no move to stop you. You take a deep breath in, like you want to say something else before you part ways, but ultimately decide against it.
You say nothing as you walk back to the group, leaving him standing motionless behind you.
“As far as they know, Lockwood is on his way with a plane to move the hostages to Cuba,” Mike spoke, going over the plan once more. Today was the day you took action to rescue the people that were kidnapped. Mike’s wife, the girl that was with her at the time– Callie, and…Demi. God… I swear if they did something to her… “The second they get close to the plane with the hostages, it’s quick kills. Neutralize all threats. These motherfuckers killed a lot of good cops. They have my wife, they have Callie, and they have (Name)’s daughter.” You lowered your eyes at the aknowledgement.
“They attacked our families. We not losing today.” He concludes, and everyone nods their head.
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You were partnered with the tech team in the van, watching the situation from drone footage. You wanted to be on the front lines to get rid of every fucker who thought taking your daughter was a good idea, but you were stuck inside of the van until extra help was needed.
You hear the helicopter pilot through your comms device in your ear, “I got one looking out the front door, right side, I got one sniper on the roof of building two.”
“T those up,” Rita says, who ended up joining the cause after realizing the man she was dating was with the enemy. You quickly code in a few commands for the drone to follow and before long you have eyes on the two mentioned. “Everybody keep moving. What are those?”
She points to the objects presented in the live map of the area, and you answer, “Gaters.”
“I thought it was an abandoned theater park?”
“Abandoned by humans,” Kelly jumps in while loading her gun.
You manage to find the parks webpage from when it was open and discover that the main attraction was an albano aligator named “Duke”. It was sixteen feet long, and there are stories about him still being there to this day.
“Well fuck that…” You mutter.
You watch from the drone as the main team lands in the water as planned, getting into position.
“Armando’s at his QTH,” Dorn confirms, letting everyone know that he’s in position. You swallow the lump in your throat.
Lockwood steps out of the helicopter and walks on the dock, waiting for them to bring out the hostages. You hold your breath and watch closely.
“Hostages are coming out now,” Dorn says. Your eyes dart across the screen, looking for your daughter in particular before spotting her in the arms of a muscular man. They walked behind the other two that were kidnapped and you can barely contain yourself when you take in the terrified look on your four year olds’ face.
“Fuck…” You choke out under your breath. Kelly hears this and rubs circles into your back for comfort. You put your hands over your mouth in a prayer like position and keep watching through the drones.
“Everybody stay calm,” Rita says.
The plan was for Mike to take out their leader as soon as he had the chance to, which was why he was on the front lines, yet when you notice no movement from his end, you begin to become worried that something has gone wrong.
“Mike?” Rita blurts, “Mike do you have the shot?”
“Negative, I do not have a shot, I do not have a shot,” he says into the comms device. Your eyebrows furrow as you look from a perspective of a drone that flew near where the helicopter had landed, and you conclude that from where Mike was posted, he should’ve had a clear shot.
A moment goes by and the kidnappers walk with the hostages, but just a little ways before they reach Lockwood, they stop on the bridge.
“They stopped, why’d they stop?” Dorn hurridly says. The drone is able to catch the sight of something slowly moving through the water and you conclude that it’s what they are looking at as well, you watch as their leader follows whatever is moving and your heart sinks when you realize what the thing in the water is moving towards.
“Armando–” You start, but he seems to have noticed it as well.
“Shit.” He says.
One man signals for the soldiers around him to start a search, suddenly becoming suspicious of where the thing in the water was going, and who it may be targeting. “Armando they’re closing in on you.” Dorn states.
“Do they see him?” Rita asks.
“I don’t know.”
Rita takes the time that they are distracted to pressure Mike, surely he has a shot now, right? “Mike, now! Your chance is now, they can see him, they know we’re here!”
“I don’t have it, negative, negative.”
“You’ve got to take the fucking shot,” Armando mumbles out, keeping his eye on the thing slowly advancing toward him in the water, and the person that was getting dangerously close to his hiding spot above.
You watch as all hell breaks loose when Armando shoots the man who semed to have spotted him, and he falls into the water only to be finished off by the thing in the water, now identified to be the ledgendary sixteen foot long gator. You don’t think you’ve ever been as scared as you had been the moment you realize they know they’ve been set up, and they start taking the hostages back into the building. Your daughter begins to cry and it breaks your heart.
“Engage!” Rita shouts through the comms, “Kelly, get us there.”
You leave your chair and move to the front of the van along with Kelly as she steps on the gas. You take the time to reload your own gun, and slip a knife in your boot for emergencies.
By the time the four of you have arrived, the fight has moved inside. Rita orders you three to go inside and she states that she’ll go after Lockwood and you don’t have to be told twice before you’re rushing in there. You hear Kelly shouting your name behind you, trying to get you to slow down as you leave them in the dust, but all you can hear is the blood rushing in your ears, desperate to find your daughter. You arrive just in time to see the man who was holding onto your daughter walk up a flight of stairs and you waste no time following after, shooting whoever was in your way.
The path splits into three once you reach the top and you pick a random path, slowly walking into the room.
You make sure the room is clear, making sure there is no one in it before you turn around, only to be smacked in the face with the butt of a gun. You stumble and fall, and make eye contact with the man who took you by surprise. You see him aiming at you, but with no intention to die before you find your daughter, you regain your balance and sweep his leg and quickly make your way on top of him. You snatch the knife out of your boot and put it to his neck, “Where is the child?” You hiss out, “I swear I’ll fucking kill you, where is she?” You barked when he took too long to answer for your liking.
“I don’t know what your talking about–” You decide you don’t have time for this bullshit, and jab him in the stomach with the knife. He lets out a cry of pain and he finds the cool metal of the knife back on the skin of his neck with a noticable change of pressure this time around. He was sure it would cut into the skin at any moment, “Okay, okay! Last I heard she was on the top floor.”
“Fuck,” You say, realizing that there were more floors than you realized. You don’t say another word before puncturing the side of his neck, quickly ending him. You get up, ready to leave the room but you’re grabbed from behind and choked. You grip the arm that wraps around your neck and stab your already bloodied knife into it, releasing yourself from the headlock. Even though the man who’d attacked you had been stabbed he was relentless. He ran at you again, landing a punch into your stomach and you got a few hits in yourself. You smash his head against a wall which either kills or knocks him out, and you can’t bring yourself to care as you see more men rush into the room.
You dance around them, getting in hits and taking some as well and you whip out your gun. You wanted to preserve bullets but you were getting overwhelemed by the amount of people that were flowing into the room. You shoot a few with amazing accuracy.
You hear a grunt behind you and before you can turn around, you are hit in the head with the butt of another gun again. You groan, the pain of your injuries starting to show through the adrenaline and the man behind you grabs you by your hair and pulls you up before wraping his own arm around your neck. You close one eye in pain and watch as one man walks to you, aiming his gun.
Before he can shoot, there is another shot that interrupts their plan and it ends up hitting the man behind you. Now free from his hold, you make use of the distraction and kick the man in front of you in the gut, causing him to double over. You knee him in the face and snatch his gun, shooting him in the face.
You look at your savior, and your eyes widen as you realize who it was. Armando…
“You good?” He asks. You nod, and he joins you at your side to finish off the remaining of the enemy, but before any of you can make a move, a helicopter comes smashing through the window, instantly killing two of the guys. You’re right in the path of the helicopter, and you see out of the corner of your eye Armando running towards you. He grabs onto you and you both fly out of the way. He manuvers both of your bodies until he’s the one to take most of the impact once you land.
Once all the chaos settles, you both stand up. You look at him, his hands still embracing you protectively, “Are you okay?”
You don’t answer him and continue to stare into his eyes. Those eyes you’ve known for so long. You don’t know what could’ve possessed you to do this, but you feel as if it’s the only thing you could do in the moment. With haste, you push your lips against his.
You can feel his surprise in your sudden action. You bring your hands up and grip his vest for stability and you feel the moment where he begins to reciprocate. Your mouths move together in a practiced motion and you wonder how he’s still such a good kisser after all these years.
The kiss quickly becomes heated, hurried. He slips his tongue into your mouth and you let him, moving the muscles together, competing for dominance. You groan into his mouth.
He then begins to walk forward, and you walk backwards slowly until your back makes contact with the wall behind you and he cages you in, his lips never leaving yours. Tongue never unlocking with your own. One hand is connected to the wall and the other to your hip as he brings you impossibly closer. You bask in the moment.
You break the kiss first, needing air, and his lips search for yours again instantly when you do. Your mind begins to cloud, but you remember why you’re here in the first place. You need to find your daughter. Even knowing this, you find it hard to pull away from the sensation that is his lips against your own, but somehow you find it in you to put your hands on his chest and gently push him away. He looks down at you in question.
“Can…can we continue… after I find my daughter?” You breathe heavily, still breathless from the passionate moment you shared.
“Yeah… okay. I’m coming with you.” Your eyes shot up at him at the statement. You nod at him and he hesitantly releases you from his hold. Desperate to rid yourself of the tension left in your lower area due to the kiss, you walk away, recalling what the man said about another floor.
Armando follows closely behind you.
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You eventually find the staircase that would lead you to the top floor, and of course, awaiting you were more of the enemy. With Armando by your side, you make quick work of them and once all that were left were bodies, you begin to search the room. It was the only room on the top floor, so unless that guy was lying to you, Demi must be here.
So where the hell is she?
There is no sign of her being here. You check behind boxes, inside cabinets, everywhere. Your breathing quickly grows rapid as you realize that your daughter is nowhere in sight. If she’s not here, then where the hell could she be? The rest of your team was in the lower areas on the building, and if one of them found her, surely they would’ve announced it over the comms, right? So where the hell is your daughter?
You feel a hand on your back, “Hey, hey, you’re fine. We’ll find her, okay?” Armando says.
You realize you can’t waste time, so you nod and recollect yourself. But that doesn’t change the fact that you have no clue where she could be if not here.
“Look,” Armando states once your breathing had slowed, he points to the left where there seemed to be a door to a balcony of sorts.
You take a deep breath and follow him, as he already started making his way toward it.
He kicks open the door, gun aimed at the figure that stood at the edge of the balcony and your heart dropped. In front of you stood your little girl, and a man that took his place on the ledge of what had to be a long ass drop. You feared the worst and your gun shoot in your hands.
“Put the guns down!” The man demanded, “Right now or I promise you I’ll jump, and take her ass with me!” He says. He emphasizes his words by gripping your daughter tighter and holding his gun to her head, then back at the two of you.
Your daughter is bawling her eyes out. You aren’t even sure if he noticed that you were there for her. She was scared out of your mind. “Demi–”
“Shut up, and put your fucking guns down!” The man demanded. You listen this time, which prompted Armando to do the same. You cursed to yourself, realizing what little power you have in this situation. “I want you two to slowly walk back out that door.”
“We can’t do that,” Armando states, his hands rising in the air after he dropped his gun to show he’s not a threat.
“Fucking do it!” The man boasted. You aren’t sure what your options are, if there were any. You look to Armando, and he seems to sense your eyes on the back of his head.
He then looks at you a certain way, and mouths to you, “Trust me.”
Your eyes widen and you let out a yelp in surprise when Armando takes off running toward the man and your daughter. This takes the man by surprise too, before he makes no effort to pull the trigger and only seems to panick at the incoming threat. He doesn’t get a chance to retaliate before Armando uses his shoulder and back to swiftly steal your daughter from the mans grip, all the while using force to push him off of the balcony.
You watch as Armando sinks to his knees with your daughter, gently combing her hair with his fingers and whispering in her ear words of comfort. She grips onto him tightly and cries into his police vest. It takes you a moment to realize that she is safe. Something about Armando holding your daughter in his arms and caring for her makes you realize and think about some things that you haven’t thought to think about before, but you put that all of the back burner in favor of finally holding Demi in your arms again.
“Baby…” You whisper, almost in disbelief that she really is safe and sound. Demi registers your voice in her little head and whips it around to face you.
“Mama!!” She cries, she leaves Armando’s hold and you drop to your knees to give her the biggest, tightest hug you can. You sniffle and pull her head into your neck.
“Are you okay Mimi? Let me look at you…” You say, pulling away from her to check her from any kind of injury. She shakes her head, you take in the sight of her red eyes from all the crying she’s been doing.
“Mama is hurt…” She mumbles. You move your hand to the various areas that Demi points at and notice that you are indeed hurt in many areas, but you don’t care. Not right now.
“I am… But it’s okay, mama’s strong, just like you baby. God, I love you so much,” You say, planting a long, wet kiss on her forehead and hug her again tightly.
“I love you too, mama,” Demi says into your neck. You look at Armando as you hug Demi, and you mouth a quick “Thank you.” He nods to you, watching the interaction.
The moment is interrupted by Mike on the comms, “Armando, come in Armando.”
“What’s up?” Armando replies.
“You need to get out of here, Judy’s here and is looking for you. Take the boat and get the hell out of here.”
Armando hesitates, looking at you and your daughter… his daughter. Whatever he’s contemplating seems like he’s making a hard decision in his mind, but luckily for him, you’ve already made up yours.
“We’ll come with you.” You state.
“What? No–”
“It wasn’t a question.”
Silence overtakes you, but you don’t let it linger for too long, “Don’t push us away again.”
This looks to have convinced him, as he takes a deep breath and nods. “Okay.”
You don’t know how the future will go for you three. You dread the predestined talk with your daughter that you’re going to have to have with her to tell her that this man is really her father, but all you know is that as your walking through that building, your daughter being carried by him and her hooked onto her neck for safety and comfort, you feel as if you have good things coming.
And so you let yourself crack a genuine smile, one that you felt hasn’t shown itself since the night that he left you.
And he reciprocates the same one. One you haven’t seen in years, and one you’re sure to see in many more to come.
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rbfclassy · 4 months
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STILL IN LOVE! #6 — TOJI FUSHIGURO
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SYNOPSIS...after still messing around with your ex husband, you began to wonder if you’re still in love with him after finding out about his new girlfriend…
INFO...ex husband!toji x fem!reader, reader & toji have two kids, megumi is readers bio son, jealousy, smut, angst, arguments, alcohol, drinking problem, family problems, arguing in front of kids, toxic behaviors, crying, mentions of divorce
OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated
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You laid on Kento’s chest, staring at the wall as his fingers traced patterns on your skin. You took a deep breath in, snuggling into him more and shut your eyes. The last few days you’ve been thinking about your argument with Toji, thinking about your kids. It always made your stomach twist in knots thinking about it because all that you could remember were the bad times. Everything good you guys had started to diminish from your memory. Even when you weren’t together, you two still couldn’t properly be there for your kids. From the first arguments to the last, you’d always remember the look on their faces when things got loud.
“Hey, you okay?” Kento asked, caressing your back. You’d think this man is psychic with the way he could tell something was always wrong with you.
“Just thinking,” you replied.
“Good things or bad things?” He questioned, looking down at you.
“About the kids, my family.” Another deep breath filled your lungs as you sat up. You couldn’t get a moments rest when it felt like your world was crumbling slowly in front of you.
“Sweetheart,” he cupped your cheek, “you’re a great mom to them. Just because you’ve had a couple bumps in the road doesn’t mean a thing,” he reassured.
“I know, but,” you looked at him, “Toji.” That name was all you had to say to Kento to make his smile drop.
“What about him?” He asked, sitting up.
“From the moment the arguments started and the divorced happened, it affected the kids so much. It still is and I’m scared it won’t change. He’s a good dad, he loves them so much, but me and him can never get level with each other,” you explained.
“Why do you think that is?” His brows knitted together. He rubbed the pad of thumb across your knuckles, an attempt to soothe you. It was a hard pill to swallow, but you knew why you and Toji could never come to a compromise. It was clear there was still something there. The feelings, the attraction. It was hard to let go of that relationship aspect and focus on the co parenting aspect.
“I’m not sure,” you responded.
“Talk to him about it, see if he knows.” He shrugged. “I know you’re probably thinking it’ll just end in another fight, but it’s worth a shot.”
You sighed, running your hands down your face. “It will end in another fight, trust me. I’ve been through enough—”
“Ah, shit.” Kento looked down at his phone.
“What?” You asked, puzzled.
“Work,” he sighed. “I gotta get going, sweetheart.” He planted a quick kiss on your cheek before getting out of bed.
“Wait, I thought you said you had a day off?” You looked up at him as he put his shirt on.
“Yeah, I know, but, it’s work. Not much I can do,” he chuckled.
“You said the same thing yesterday when it was supposed to be your day off.” Your brows furrowed.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I gotta go.” He planted another kiss on your cheek and cheek walked out the bedroom with his coat in hand. You sat there on the bed, watching him disappear. The front door open and shutting seconds after, leaving you in silence. Lying back down on the bed, you reached to the empty side. Guilt consumed you when images of Toji lying beside you flashed before your eyes instead of Kento. Quickly, you retracted your hand and turned the other way, pulling the blankets over your body.
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“Mmm, daddy this ice cream is so good!” Naya licked her lips, trying to get the excess ice cream around her mouth.
“Yeah?” Toji chuckled, grabbing a napkin. “It’s my favorite.” He wiped her mouth.
“It’s my favorite too! Can I have more please?” She smiled up at him, a smile he could never say no to.
“Of course, baby girl.” He gave her another spoonful, watching her eyes light up when she got a fudge brownie piece. “How’s your ice cream, Megs?” Toji asked.
“Pretty good. Should’ve gotten gummy bears.” He slightly frowned, stabbing at contents in the cup.
Toji decided it would be nice to take the kids out for a while after what happened. The last few days everyone was in a bad mood, grouchy and exhausted. He hoped getting ice cream would help bring out their smiles again, even if it was winter time. He was trying his hardest to keep it together for his kids, for you as well. He thinks about you more than he likes to admit. How could he not when two of your kids are sitting in front of him? He can’t explain why he still feels the way he does about you, but he knows it’s genuine. But he’s also aware he deserves to see you happy with someone that isn’t him. He let your marriage fall apart, risking everything he’s ever cared about.
Toji also hates to admit that he thinks about your new boyfriend a lot too. He doesn’t know the guys name or what he even looks like, but he knows you wouldn’t just go for anyone. Late at night he stays up and thinks about all the things you’re doing with your new boyfriend that you did with him and jealously building up in his heart. He thinks about the way he used to make you smile and laugh and wonders if your new boyfriend is doing the same. He thinks about if he’s holding you at night, touching you, kissing you. Toji thinks about a lot of things, but the main thing that sits at the back of his mind is does he know where your heart truly lies?
That night, Toji saw it in your eyes. You almost gave into him like you did many times before. He knows it’s wrong, but he wants you back so badly. He craves you so badly. He knows you like the back of his hand, and he knows that you think about him too. Whether that be in love or hate, he knows he’s still on your mind. It’s wrong for him to want you to himself, to want all of your attention after he’s tried to rid himself of it so many times by trying to find you in other women. He was wrong to think anyone could replace you.
He doesn’t care about the arguments, about the fights, you’ll both work on that. You could scream at him, hit him, call him names, and though it would hurt, he’d still love you as much as he did before. You were his woman.
“Dad, can we get mom some ice cream before you bring us back?” Megumi asked.
“Yeah, yeah, sure.” He pulled the money out of his pocket, handing it to him.
“I know her favorite! I wanna buy it!” Naya tried reaching for the money.
“You’re too little, Ny-ny!” Megumi walked away towards the front counter.
“Mmmm, so mean,” she whined, folding her arms across her chest.
“It’s okay, peanut, next time you can get mommy something else.” He pinched her cheek. “Now wipe that look off your face,” he laughed.
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“Mommy, mommy!” You heard Naya’s voice as you unlocked the door. She stood there with a big grin, staring up at you. You bent kneeled to her height and she jumped in your arms. “Hi!”
“Hi, baby. Have fun?” You asked, standing up straight with her on your hip.
“I did, we got ice cream and I tried daddy’s favorite and now it’s my favorite!” She nodded.
“Oh, really?” You quirked a brow. “I thought your favorite was cookies and cream?”
“Not anymore.” She shook her head. “Now it’s chocolate fudge brownie.”
“Chocolate fudge brownie, wow, you are advancing your tastebuds, baby girl,” you chuckled, earning a giggle from her. “Go put your things away, okay?” You put her down as Megumi came walking up from the car, Toji behind him.
“Hi, mom.” He gave you the smallest smile.
“Hi, sweety.” You kissed the top of his head. “Who’s that for?” You asked, looking at the half melted ice cream in his hand.
“For you. I asked dad if I could get you one and he gave me the money. It’s your favorite,” he answered.
“Awe, thank you!” You gave him another kiss and hug. “Put it in the freezer for later.” He walked past you and into the house. “Thanks for the ice cream.” You cleared your throat, looking at Toji.
“Yeah, no problem,” he plainly responded. “I want to apologize for the other day. I stepped out of line.”
“It’s fine.” You pulled at the hem of your shirt, playing with the fabric. That feeling began to settle in again the longer you stayed out here with him—feeling like it was only you two in the world. Each stolen glance a showcase of your nervousness. You were thinking about what Kento had said, to take a chance and speak with him about finding a leveling plane for you two. You wanted you and Toji as parents to work out so bad, you were tired of past problems getting in the way of what came first, but at the same time you were afraid that it was going to end up how it always did. Wherever his head was at in this dynamic was different from where yours was. “Do you think we can talk?”
“About?” He stuffed his hands in his sweater pocket, cheeks red from the cold air.
“The kids. About us as parents. I want us to find a level playing field,” you explained.
“Only if we don’t have to do it in this cold,” he chuckled.
“Right,” you laughed along with him, “sorry, come in.” You walked back into the house with him following behind you. He shut the door, removing his coat. It felt like forever ago since the last time Toji was inside your house. “I’m just gonna get the kids ready for bed and then we can talk, okay?” You stood there only a few feet from him.
“Take your time, mama.” The nickname slipped out, another habit he was trying to break, but you didn’t seem to mind. He watched you walk away down the hall. Everything inside of him was screaming not to fuck it up this time, not to say something that would cause a war. It was about your kids, about you guys as parents, a conversation that was long overdue. Hopefully, it’ll show improvement in rebuilding your family.
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kithtaehyung · 1 year
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mami (m) | myg/knj
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title: mami (m) pairing: myg x reader(f) , knj x reader(f) , slight jhs x reader(f)😛 rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; battle rap au , roommates au summary: you somehow have a conversation with yoongi, and you tell your roommate about a date date. note: heavy 00s vibes, this is just the beginning of a collection of parts instead of just a oneshot let’s fucking goooo🦋 note 2: this is pretty unedited lolll if there are mistakes i'm so so sorry! warnings for this part: language, choking, joon in sweats, bathroom s*x, b*ckshots, friendly sp*nks from your roomie🤪, it uhhh starts right out the gate lmfao, hobi in silk and a robe, yoongi is a warning in his own right, light sl*pping, you get called mamiii😗 so if that’s not ur thing i’d skip this series !!, joon is too smooth, a secret fourth guy lmfaoooo, battle rap scenarios! drop date: september 26th, 2023, 10:07pm est word count: 3.7k  mood: here 
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“You like that, huh?” 
Breath short, you can only gasp as the hands you’ve been eyeing all night clutch your throat, a fiendish hum the first response to your satisfied grin.
“Knew you would.” As your delicious captor speaks, you just know he’s fixated on your makeup—at least, the way it’s smearing onto a bathroom mirror that has seen better days. “You all do.” 
Fuck, he knows what he’s doing. Fucking hell, he always knows.
Your lust condenses and slides down the glass in rivers, and with each experienced thrust inside your folds, it’s getting harder, and harder, and harder to see the man wrecking your shit. 
But it’s coming. The end. The coil inside you is screaming and tightening and you know he can feel every potent pulse as you slap the tiny counter with a palm. “Yoongi—”
“You gonna come, mami?” 
Yes yes yes you really fucking are. It’s so truthful that you can’t even voice your agreement in words, your moans higher and higher in pitch the only tell you can possibly give. 
“Then fucking do it.” 
Light bounces from your eyes and rebounds off the mirror the same time your whine does, every limb locking while bare shoulders bang against your reflection. 
“Fuck.” 
You spring right into the ground floor above, eyes rolling so far back you could probably see the way Yoongi’s smirking at your ass if your dumbfounded mush of a brain wasn’t in the way. 
Again, and again, you milk his cock for all it’s worth, spurning him into gripping your bouncing hips with rough hands and faster strokes. Laughs and conversations seep through the door at your side, but you can’t make out a thing as you garble, 
“Yoongi, please—”
“One more.” 
“I can’t—”
“Don’t play dumb,” he tuts. “You won’t hustle me a second time.” 
Busted. 
Your pout quickly stretches into a devilish curve instead, and you hear his sound of approval before you brag, 
“I spent all that already, by the way.” 
Air whizzes past your ears as you’re hoisted upwards, and your mirth reverberates as you’re spun and shoved into the sink, cheap laminate bruising your back. 
Yoongi must also be remembering the time your pussy sucked the soul out of him. After you both made a bet that you couldn’t beat someone’s record time making him come. 
You won half of his prize money that night. 
And that was the night he won the entire thing. 
“You’re lucky I respect it,” he snarls, sweaty fingers gripping your chin as he slings a leg over his pelvis. When he grins, you wanna lick the white off his teeth. “And you’re lucky I made it back the next night.” 
Oh, shit. Did he really? 
Battle rap events usually stack so that everyone gets a chance. How did he get invited back the same weekend? 
Well, other than being a monster on the mic. There’s a reason you can’t stay away from him, and you may or may not admit you get turned on by how effortlessly ruthless he is. 
Lips smushed, you ask with genuine curiosity, “You won again?” 
Yoongi lightly smacks your cheek, chuckling when you grit out a moan. “Nah. The sponsors loved me,” he claims, finally bringing a hand down to guide himself back inside. “So they paid me to come back.” 
“Sick,” you praise through a grunt, fully catching his eyes for the first time tonight. Pushing past the way he fills you so fantastically, you huff out, “That doesn’t happen on south side.” 
“So I’ve heard.” 
“Yeah, apparently west and east side do it a lot. Especially with that guy Randa—”
“Fuck Randa.”
Ah, so Yoongi knows him? You haven’t ventured into the west scene yet, but the one thing you know about it is that dude’s name.
So he must be a beast.
Especially if Gloss himself had some choice words.
At this little slip of emotion, you don’t hide your smirk at all. “Oh? Maybe I will if that’s how you feel.”
The sudden possessive shove of his cock into your folds is delightful, your high giggle pinging off the bathroom walls.
“Fuck whoever you want, princess,” he chides right against your lips. “You’ll always come back to me.” 
“Duh.” You flick your tongue over his plush. “You wouldn’t last a week without me anyway.”
Yoongi pushes into you again, stare heavy and coaxing butterflies from your belly. “I’d manage.”
“As if.”
But even through the pleasure, you still wonder. How are you both having a regular conversation right now? This never happens with him. You’ve wanted it to, but there simply hasn’t been any talk when he’s involved. 
The high from your orgasm compounds with this strange feeling that you turn a little playful.
“What I meant was…” Fingernail poking his tank, you joke with a sly curve, “Guess you must be like, good or whatever.” 
When he looks down, you childishly swoop your finger up to bump his nose. “Ha. Loser.” 
Predictably, Yoongi pauses before only his eyes raise, suppressed emotions hiding behind long dark strands. “Really.” 
And even though you felt him twitch in your core, you’ll spare him. “I don’t make the rules.” 
You think this is when he’ll start ramming into you again, because none of the times you’ve hooked up ever lasted this long. It’s always been quick with him, and never in any other place other than bathrooms or broom closets. 
Which isn’t bad. Just a pattern you’ve noticed. 
But Yoongi huffs in amusement before shaking his head. “Since when were you this weird?” 
“Wow, rude?” Your scoff is full of mock annoyance. “I’ve always been this way.” 
It’s just that no one’s taken the time to get to know you.
“But you’re so…” 
All they care about is one thing. 
Which, granted, is the same in your case. 
It just gets a bit lonely sometimes. 
Offering to finish for him to stiff arm any more incoming awkwardness, you blurt, “Hot? Slutty?” 
“Fast.” 
Oh. 
Did you both just assume the other person wanted it over and done with?
That’s entirely possible considering the first time it happened lasted a grand total of three minutes. Max.
“I mean…” You lean back on your palms, not caring to adjust your very mussed top because your chest finally snags all of Yoongi’s attention. How he’s still hard inside of you is a complete mystery. “I don’t just fuck, you know.” 
“And here I thought we were similar,” he teases, groaning through his teeth when you roll on his dick. Again. 
And again. 
Of course you’re both similar. The only difference is that people dub this guy a sex god and you’re an easy lay. 
But you won’t get into that with him. Not now and probably not ever since you don’t dare even label Yoongi a friend.
Panting, you observe him watching your movements as you switch the subject, “You fucked that one sponsor chick for the invite, huh.” 
And he takes the out hilariously quick,
“Both of them.” 
Of course. Your head kicks back in laughter, remembering that there were two people running the event instead of one. 
Truthfully, you would’ve paid to see that. 
“Can’t stand you,” you lie, the way you chuckle as he slaps one of your tits saying otherwise. 
“Good.” 
As he rubs a rough thumb over a nipple, an announcement blares over deejay scratches and cheers, tugging both of your eyes to the door.
Before things quickly devolve into how they always go.
When you arch forward, his lips devour your breast; when you rock your hips into his, the groans against your chest make you feel alive. 
Your nails claw through his hair before you can’t decide if you wanna rake them through his shoulders or his neck. Here, there, everywhere you can grab, you take hold. 
Suddenly, Yoongi clutches the top of your skirt before thrusting in hard, and his laugh when you whine out a curse strikes your soul. “It’s better that way.” 
It’s always better that way. 
“Agreed,” you murmur, eyes flickering to the janky ceiling before sighing out, “I think they just said your name.” 
“Mm.” 
He plunges into you so hard you see his impish curve imprinted among the stars. 
“Then hurry up, mami. Gimme one more for luck.” 
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MAMI 
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“Who’s on the menu tonight?”
You hum while peering into your mirror—a much cleaner, brighter mirror than the one you were pressed against a couple weeks ago. “That nice guy I’ve been seeing at the gym.” 
“Wait, what? Are you going on a date date?” 
“Hobi,” you giggle, loving your roommate very much despite the way he just forgets sometimes. “We went through this already.” 
“So… Is that a yes, or.” His laugh blurts out when you throw a middle finger next to your head. “Okay, okay! You can just say it, you know.” 
“I just”—you spot check your makeup before vacating your vanity stool—“You know me. I never do dates.” 
As Hobi leans back on your bed, the way his hot pink robe matches your comforter makes you highly amused. Almost amused enough that you don’t react to his nosy question, 
“Nervous?”
Extremely. 
“Uhm,” you start, all pretenses dropping at the sight of his cocked brow. “A bit.” 
Springing up, your roommate pads over and rests thin palms over even thinner straps of your sundress. 
“What’s got you nervous, love?” 
Pouting, you look out your window before your chin is gently swiveled back forward. Thankful for his insistence, you confess to the only guy that you feel like you can trust, 
“What if I like him?” 
The laugh you get is full of disbelief and pity. “That’s what you’re worried about? Really?” 
When you nod, he chuckles again, but it’s smaller. And more understanding than the first. 
“Pathetic, right.” 
“No, no no,” Hobi starts, sliding his hands down to warm your biceps before squeezing. When he pauses, his expression gives his thoughts away before he can utter them. “Well, a little.” 
“Hoseok.” 
“But! Only because you’re making it seem that way.” He squeezes again before sitting back down on your bed. “If you just let things happen without thinking, isn’t that better?”
Does he really have to flop down to rest his head on his palms? Now? 
Talk about not thinking. 
Whatever. You didn’t expect Hoseok to do that, but he looks hot, so you’ll let it slide. 
And you don’t shy away from his silk-covered package before retorting, “Says you.” 
“Me? I overthink. That’s different.” 
“How!” 
“Don’t think about it.” 
When he winks, you both laugh, and his grin slowly devolves into a smirk before he motions you over with a mere head cock.
And you gladly oblige. 
Because your dynamic with Hobi still hasn’t changed. 
Slowly, you arrive at his knees before mounting the bed at his hips, being steadied over his pelvis as he keeps his prone position. 
“You look hot as fuck, you know.” 
“Mmhmm.” 
“He’s gonna like you for sure.” 
“Naturally.” 
“So what if you end up liking him, too?” 
As he smoothes a hand over the side of your ass, you purse your lips in thought. “Uhh… Feelings? I guess?”
“You can have those, babe.” 
“Not mine,” you correct, knowing yours are too fucked up to share with anyone. Which is exactly why you’re all for the so-called fast title that Yoongi clipped onto your persona. “His.” 
Does the lifestyle you chose come with regrets? Yeah. Complications? Also yes. But at least those hurt less than the regrets and complications actual relationships come with. 
You’re just fine with how things are. 
Which is why you’re scared about seeing Namjoon, because he seems like the type that wants something steady. If you end up liking him, you’re gonna have to choose between options that are vastly different in color. 
Despite all that, you still said yes when he asked you out at the gym last week—while you were drenched, bare-faced, and wincing from the last set you completed to failure. 
Why did you say yes anyway? What drew you in to this guy? 
“If you’re scared of hurting his feelings, then just tell him straight-up,” Hobi advises, pulling you back to the present. “Guys won’t know shit unless you spell it out.” 
Looking down at his perfect features, you fake disbelief, asking the most rhetorical question in existence, “You mean you can’t just read our minds?”
“Baby, we can’t even figure out our own, let alone yours.” 
“You said it.” Fully reassured, you rest on Hoseok’s chest, careful to not smudge your face on his clothes. “…Pity fuck if the date goes wrong?”
“Of course.” 
Your chuckle is soft. “Thank you.” 
“Now get up,” he orders, smacking your ass so perfectly that it offends you. “Before I give you another necklace.” 
“Hoseok!” When his cackles follow you up as you stand, your jaw cannot hinge back in. “Goddamn, you’re bad.” 
“Not as bad as you,” he says, following you out of your room. “Mami.” 
That goddamn nickname. 
Hobi knows it’s a common term. And he knows it’s one you hear from multiple people, especially on south side. Literally nothing new or groundbreaking.
But he also knows it makes you unwell because of one specific person. Because you confessed that you didn’t expect it from them during a fuck and it made you weak in the knees. 
Which caused the same motherfucker to say it over, and over, and over again.
Fucking Yoongi. 
Why the hell is it only potent when he says it?
The psychology of that needs to be studied yet you will completely refuse to be a subject. 
After checking to make sure you have everything, you fish out your phone to double-check the address before calling a ride. 
“Where is it at?”
“Some restaurant on west side.”
“Damn, all the way over there?”
“I’m okay with it,” you assure him, inwardly wincing at the cost on your screen. 
Virtually anything on west side is far from your condo, but that’s partly why you’re alright with going. As much as you get around, you don’t prefer taking people back to your place. 
Besides. No one needs to know where you live unless you really fuck with them.
And it’s only happened twice.
Hoseok’s unconvinced reply cuts your thoughts in two,
“Alright… Well. Lemme know if you end up somewhere else tonight.” 
Smiling, you offer him a warm look, positive that his lean against the kitchen wall would put models to shame. “I always do.” 
“What did I say earlier?” 
“Spell it out for him.”
“Okay, good.” 
When you grin, he does, too. 
And you hope this Namjoon guy at least does well with words. 
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Turns out, he does a fucking splendid job with them.
At least, the things this man is saying has you absolutely melting under dim lights, and you haven’t even gotten your drinks yet. 
“You look damn nice tonight, by the way,” he mentions with a dip of his head, fiddling with his napkin and giving you an upsettingly perfect view of his fingers. “I feel underdressed as hell.”
Underdressed? Looking around, you feel like you’re the one that dressed way too formal and you’re in a damn sundress.
You should’ve known, though. The restaurant that Namjoon chose occupies one of the few streets known for its laid-back, easy-going fare. Even you have heard of its unique charm and you reside quite a ways away. 
Before you respond, you remember how you arrived, checking around the small space before spotting him in a booth. And while you loved the lax way he dressed, you were even more charmed when he got out just to greet you with a cheek kiss. 
And the night has been so pleasant that you forget to be worried. 
“Why? I mean, thank you, but why?” 
Namjoon gives his sweatpants-covered thighs a glance. “I dunno. You just look bossed up and I’m like, your errand boy.” 
Your mirthy disbelief leaks out of your grin before he can finish. Watching a nearby table point at their menus to order, you go along with his compliments,
“I mean, I could use an assistant…”
He only smiles at his hands. “Order me around anytime.” 
Cute. 
Maybe that’s why you’re drawn to this guy. 
Even though he’s huge and can lift like a motherfucker, there’s a soft side that he’s got no shame showing. 
Also, as the night goes on, you quickly discover more traits you rarely come across. 
Curious, suave, humble—all of them surprise you in the best way. He’s already let you talk much more than he has, and the two of you have debated on not one, but three topics. Including one that you would have left his ass for if you both weren’t on the same page. 
“Okay, so we agree.”
“Yes,” he responds in relief. “Definitely would’ve rethought this whole thing if we didn’t.”
“Uhh, yeah, because I would’ve walked out and let you pay for everything.” 
“Damn!” Fuck, his grin is charming. “And I would’ve paid it, too.” 
Laughing—and realizing that you’re doing that a lot tonight—you rest a hand on his shoulder, “No, no, I wouldn’t do that to you.” 
Fuck, he’s solid.
“Wait, I’m getting us this time, though.”
“Yeah?”
Holding a round glass up to his lips, he coolly adds, 
“And next time, too.” 
Well. 
There’s no way you’re saying no to that.
“To next time,” you offer, clinking cups and taking a nice sip of your wine. 
Things end with both of you just having dinner—a concept so foreign that it makes you wonder if he wanted something more than a second date. 
But judging by the times he kept stealing glances and the way his curve stayed at a slant, it’s an open and shut case.
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It’s always a bit crowded in the front few rows, so it doesn’t bother you to hang back for the first time in awhile. 
Besides, you’re a little late from your date anyway. 
Since nothing else happened with Namjoon—he had to leave pretty quick—you determined that you could make it to another Gloss smackdown. 
After you greet all the people and bodyguards hanging around the front doors, you arrive downstairs just in time to hear the deejay ushering everyone in. 
And based on what you hear, it seems like Yijeong’s got extra volume in his mic tonight. 
“Alright, alright, let’s give it up for our two up here, yeah?”
Everyone cheers as you clap to yourself, leaning against a chilly column and ignoring the stares your outfit gets.
The stage looks quite different from back here, with its huddled occupants talking amongst themselves. While you watch both crews laughing and standing around, you wonder what it would be like to support Yoongi from up there instead of on the ground. 
You really would if he wanted you to.
“I don’t have to introduce either one but I’m gonna do it anyway. Cus that’s the rules or whatever and they both deserve some love. Give it up for my man K Shine!”
You aren’t familiar with him but you support anyway. A tiny whoop leaves your mouth as a big portion of the room shouts, and you watch as the guy nods to the people that came to see him. 
“Oh, we’re showing out, okay. Alright, now let’s hear it for my guy Gloss!” 
In contrast, your energy evolves tenfold, and you gladly yell with the rest of the floor as Yoongi stays piercing the ground at his feet.
This guy. 
Still the same routine.
You always muse that he could look into the crowd once in awhile, especially since his audience is steadily growing. 
If they ever saw his smile, maybe more people would be drawn in wait is he looking up this time? 
Wait.
Despite there being rows and rows between you and the stage, you don’t miss the slight shift in his demeanor. It almost looks like he’s scanning the people in front. 
What’s he doing? Is he looking for something? Someone? 
…He’s not looking for you, is he? 
You’re there quite often and always in the same area, but you didn’t think Yoongi would really notice or be checking for you right now.
…But is he? 
Before you can think any further, the quick blares of an airhorn shove your thoughts away. 
“K Shine, you win the toss,” the middle man on stage announces. Fuck, you think you’d know his name by now, he’s been here a lot ever since the first guy disappeared. “What you got.” 
When the man answers, he stares right at Yoongi’s hooded head, fire flaring up the walls already,
“Mister Big House, Big Car, Big Rings can go first.” 
Oh.
He—
You really fucking regret not being in the front now.
Immediately, the whole room ooh’s, with the middle man pursing his lips and giving the two opponents space. 
Light illuminates the whole stage as both sides back up a bit, heavy cameras set to roll and some feedback ringing through the musty air. 
And you wait with bated breath as the crowd goes quiet. 
Heart stilling as Yoongi holds a mic right up to his lips.
tbc :))) 
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so.. what do we think lmaooo 🦋 | join the taglist :D
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a/n: thank you all for reading! as i don't have too much time to spend on fics nowadays, i'll be heavily considering feedback and excitement around fics to determine what to work on. if you did enjoy, please interact however you can! even a like is okay at this point, but all tags, reblogs, comments, messages, and submissions in the feedback box are super appreciated.
a/n 2: all the names i’m gonna include that aren’t the members (or yijeong lol) are real life battle rappers! k-shine was one of the first ones i ever watched, and he has good aggressive delivery and performance but not too many heavy hitters. anybody i namedrop will have rap battles linked, so here is one of k-shine’s that i remember from back in the day. battle rap is an art form in itself, and i would like to showcase these talented individuals whenever i can.
++ feedback box: ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a comment dropbox :D feedback can be as short/sweet or as long as you’d like! ⇥ here! ++ more links: ⇥ masterlist 
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miguelhugger2099 · 6 months
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<<Prev Next>>
Nerdy!Miguel who catches you later calling out to your name.
Nerdy!Miguel that doesn’t know why you’ve been ignoring him, why he could never find you at your usual spots or why you would look at him that way—if at all.
Nerdy!Miguel who gets frustrated and grabs your arm to stop you.
“What’s wrong?” He asks.
“What’s wrong?” You repeat back, looking over your shoulder, your eyes piercing through him. It makes him shiver in a bad way, like ice cold water being poured over his body. “Are you serious?”
Miguel doesn’t move when you rip your arm off him and turn away. He does move once you’re a few feet away from him. He chases after you, going in front of you and blocking your path.
“I am! I’m serious! I haven’t seen you in days. I was worried something…something might’ve happened to you…?”
“I don’t wanna talk to you, Miguel.” You try to move but he doesn’t let you.
“No! I want to know!” Miguel asks in desperation. Why are you acting like this? “Why are you acting like I’ve done something wrong? Why are you being such a bitch?” Miguel gasps and covers his mouth with both of his hands.
You look up with wide and angry eyes. Pursing your lips and sealing the hurt in your heart, you shove him to the side. Normally, a little push from you would barely move him. But Miguel felt so numb that his body felt light and he was forcefully moved away from you.
He calls out to you but you’re already picking up the pace. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to call you that! I just—I’m worried about you! I-I miss you! You were the only one I talked to all the time so I notice when you’re gone and I—“
“Oh, so now you notice? Thought your new friends kept you company.” You growl, staring straight ahead.
“New friends? I don’t have any friends—it’s just—“ He didn’t want to admit it. He was embarrassed at himself. He was embarrassed how much he listened to the internet, to those stupid guys with the mics, to the stupid advice he thought would make you fall in love with him.
He stops suddenly as the realization sets in.
He was trying to make you fall for him. Forcing you. Or at least he tried to. Instead it backfired and it made you hate him.
Miguel watches as you walk away from him, footsteps heavy in anger. He curls in on himself, reverting back to the shy and nerdy guy he always was. He looks down at himself to see the brand new clothes that were too tight for his liking, made with uncomfortable fabric and he could feel the gel weighing heavy in his hair.
This wasn’t him and it wasn’t even worth it in the end. He pushes what he learned away from him and decides that his next step should be apologizing, whether you accepted him or not. What mattered most right now was you and if you never wanted to see him again, then he’d do it. For you this time.
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gottaluvharry · 1 year
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family
carlos sainz jr x pregnant!reader
summary: your son has a few questions about why his little sister is in your belly, and carlos is happy to explain
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Lazy mornings with your little family were your favorite. You smiled to yourself as you woke to the hushed whispers of your husband and your son. As you turn to face the other side of the bed, you’re met with 2 pairs of brown puppy dog eyes and 2 identical smiles.
“Buenos dias, mama!” good morning mom your son screeched, proud of himself for using Spanish. “Buenos dias baby” you say through a smile. He latches on to your neck and you feel Carlos’ hand rubbing patterns on your stomach. “Morning hermosa” beautiful he says going in for a kiss. “How is little girl?” he asks. “Sleeping I think. She must be tired after all the kicking she did last night” you groan, recalling the many hours you were woken due to the relentless kicking in your stomach. “lo lamento, se amable con mami” i’m sorry, be nice to mommy he says leaning to talk to his unborn daughter. You just laugh and shake your head at the pout he has on his face, guiding him up by his chin to give him another kiss.
“Papa,” your little boy starts, breaking you and Carlos apart. “How did baby get in mommy’s belly?” he asks as he puts his hand over Carlos’ on your stomach. “Well hijo” son Carlos starts. “Me and mommy love each other, and we made your sister together because we love each other” he says, hoping it’s enough to settle your sons curiosity. “Like when you and mommy make pancakes together?” he asks, now moving to sit in his fathers lap. “No, not like when we make pancakes” he laughs. “He is just made out of love, baby. When 2 people love each other so much and want a little baby like you, they will make one. That’s all I can tell you” he says, avoiding a heavier subject. “But mommy, did it hurt when baby went in your tummy?” he now turns to you with fear in his eyes over the thought of you hurting. “No buddy it didn’t hurt” you assure him, ruffling his hair; but you don’t miss the smirk Carlos sends your way remembering the night in question. “So why does baby stay in mommy’s belly for so long?” he asks, now turning to look at Carlos for the answer. “That’s just where they grow buddy. Babies need lots of space to grow and the only place there is enough room is in a mommy’s tummy” he responds. “Oh” he hums, taking in all the information he’s learning. “But how does baby come out?” he goes on, his eyes lighting up when he gets another question. “When he is ready to come out me and Mommy will go to the hospital and the doctors will help her come out” Carlos answers. “But does it hurt?” your son asks, once again scared of you being hurt. “Only a little bit” you say, “but it is worth it because then we get to hold your little sister”.
As your son continues asking questions and Carlos continues tracing patterns across your stomach, you can’t help but smile at the little life you’ve created. Who knew one bed could hold so much love on a random morning.
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hope you guys enjoyed this short little blurb:) sorry it’s been so long since i’ve posted, there was a lot going on and then i started school but in honor of Carlos’ birthday AND pole today i figured i’d post something!! might clear my drafts out and post some more in the next week or so<3
also my inbox is open, so request anything if you have any ideas! or if you just want to talk to someone, feel free!
okay last thing, thank you all for the support, it’s so special to me to have people with the same interests reading and liking my work, i want to give you all hugs<333
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sunshine-on-marz · 4 months
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Cradles
In which you get to see Dean in his TRUE element
Dad! Dean x Mom! Reader
Warnings: none really unless you don’t like kids
I am not a mother but I tried to be accurate lmao
Also I couldn’t remember for the life of me if the bunker had a couch but it does now stfu
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You were on the couch folding clothes, baby clothes to be exact, while Dean was holding the baby. It was a miracle to keep her awake for more then 20 minutes at a time so Dean was more than happy to play with her when she was up, not that baby Charlie was all too happy about it most of the time. You and Dean both knew it was expected for newborns to cling to their mother, but you saw the hurt on Dean’s face whenever his daughter cried as soon as her picked her up, so right now, seeing his smile as she squeaks and coos makes your heart smile.
You feel the couch dip next to you and you turn to see Sam who extends his hand “I can take over laundry if you want to go take a nap” he offers, and as much as you could probably use a little break, you shake your head. “Don’t wanna miss this” you smile and nod over to Dean, Sam smiles. “It’s pretty cool to see him being a dad” Sam’s comment makes you laugh softly. “I’ve been watching him be a dad ever since I met you two” you say, leaning you head on Sam’s shoulder. “You were his kid long before Charlie was” you tell him. Sam doesn’t respond, just pulls you into a hug. When you two go back to watching Dean and the baby, you speak again. “I really hope she’s a daddy’s girl”, you say it so quietly you’re positive Dean couldn’t have heard, but Sam did. “I don’t think any mother ever has said that before” he laughs, and so do you. “Yea well, I think he deserves it” you hum, fully content to just watch Dean be a father. In this moment that’s all that matters. Not monsters, not Chuck, nothing but the little family you’ve built.
You hear the bunker door click open, and look up to see Cas holding groceries. He walks over and hands you an energy drink. “Cas you might have just became my favorite person ever” you chuckle as he smiles “Hello to you too”. Sam follows him to the kitchen, which leaves you and Dean alone again. He walks over and sits beside you on the couch.
“She looks just like her mom” he says, kissing you on the cheek, “speaking of her mom, how are you? You can go shower or sleep, or both. I’ve got her” and you realize for a millionth time that you’ve found your person. “I’m shockingly gonna decline that offer” you say, leaning to rest on Dean’s shoulder. “I wanna stay like this for a second” you whisper, and he kisses your temple. “That sounds nice”. So that’s what you do. Sit there and look at the life you brought into the world and realize that everything truly had been worth it. Saving the world was nothing compared to this.
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OMGGGGABSJAKAJSKXKDKS DEAN WINCHESTER DESERVED TO BE A FATHER.
Sorry for my disappearance school made me want to die then drivers ed made want to die then life made me want to die and I still want to die but now I want to die AND write about Dean so like
Tagging @canonically-a-genloser bc they’ve been witnessing my crazy and also think dad Dean is amazing
Btw this is one of the good supernaturals I made in my head so this is post season 15 minus all the bad shit okie love you bye
Remember to reblog and tell me what you think!!! Feedback and reblogs make the world go round!! Love you babes!!
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sleepy berzatto
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Part of you didn’t want to wake him up. He looked so peaceful as he slept. For once, the anxieties of the day couldn’t mess with him.
He was still in his work clothes. You could tell that he meant to just rest his eyes for a few minutes before he fell into a deeper sleep. He was supposed to pick you up from the airport when your flight got in.
You touched his head lightly brushing his hair away from his face. It stirred him awake.
“(Y/n)?” He mumbled. He felt like he was in a dream.
“Yeah, it’s me, Carmy.”
When the realization hit, Carmen quickly stood up from the couch stumbling a bit. He was clearly still half asleep, “Fuck! I fell asleep. I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Baby. I didn’t mean to-“
You reached out to steady him, “Carmen, relax. Michelle sent a car for me. They didn’t want to wake you.”
He took a deep breath and pulled you closer to him, “I’m sorry.” It felt so nice to be in his arms after weeks of not seeing him.
“Don’t be. I made it safely. We’re together again. That’s all that matters.” You rubbed your hand soothingly on his back. You didn’t want him stressing at all during your visit.
“How was your flight?” He asked as you took your coat off.
“It was fine. I read for most of it. I had the whole row to myself.”
He grabbed your coat and went to set it on the hook near the door. When he joined you on the couch, he quickly captured your lips with his. Now that he was fully awake, he could show you how much he missed you.
“Three weeks is too long for us to be apart, Berzatto.” You said before he kissed you again.
“I’ve been goin’ crazy wishing you were here with me.” Carmen confessed.
“I have too. Sugar is probably tired of hearing how much I’ve missed you everyday.”
Carmen chuckled, “She told me that she’s always happy to have you around. You’re the sister that she’s always wanted.”
Your heart soared at his comment. It meant a lot that Sugar enjoyed your company.
“Mikey invited me to dinner at The Beef two days ago. I went and spent some time with him. Richie and Tina ate with us also.”
Carmen was a little quiet, “That’s-that’s nice”
“It was nice, Bear. I enjoy hearing his stories.”
He nodded, “I’m glad you had a good time.”
You touched his face gently, “When is the last time you spoke to him?”
He shrugged his shoulders a little, “I think three weeks or somethin’.”
“He told me that he’s really proud of you. I am too. I’ve always been proud but when I get photos of the stuff you’re creating, it’s a whole new level.”
Carmen smiled sheepishly. Before you, he wasn’t great at receiving compliments. He could hand them out easily but when it was reversed, he just didn’t know how to handle it. The longer the two of you were together, he was getting better at it.
“I couldn’t do any of this without you, (Y/n).” Carmen said softly.
“I’m so happy to be cheering you on. I wish I could come visit more but work has been insane and I barely got the time to come for a few days now.”
Carmen placed his hand on your thigh and rubbed his thumb against it soothingly, “I feel bad that you’ve been doin’ all of the traveling to make sure that we see each other.”
“There will be a time when you’re the one having to come to me. I don’t mind it right now.”
Carmen kissed your forehead, “I don’t deserve you.”
It tore your heart piece by piece every time he confessed that. You hated that it was a thought in his mind.
“Yes, you do, Bear. I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you. Until that day comes, I will continue to tell you until you finally believe me.”
You wrapped your arm around his midsection and rested your head on his chest. His hand automatically went to your hair. It was moments like this that he cherished the most. All of the stress and headaches were worth it for the moment to be sitting with the love of his life.
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okaylikeschaewon · 9 months
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Photographer: Part 2
IU, ~5k words, smut, male reader, author's note at end with update
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“The only one.”
“I’m not sure I believe you.”
“Do you not trust me?” IU scoffed, crossing her arms and legs, the sass palpable as if she were filming a drama in her own home.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” you replied. “I just know you love watching them squirm.”
“You’re making it sound like I’m such an evil person,” she whined. “I make it worth their while, don’t I?”
“Hey I’m not complaining, I was in that exact situation only like a month ago and loved every second of it.”
“And look how far you’ve come, you’ve become so audacious,” she replied, licking her lips at that last word. “But I sorta miss when you were a stuttering mess.”
“I can pretend to be awestruck again if it’ll make you feel better,” you joked, sitting down next to her and wrapping your arm around her shoulder.
“You’re IU! B-B-But you’re IU!” she teased, lips curled into a sly smile.
She began to giggle as your hand dropped off her shoulder, tickling her ribs playfully.
Her smile was pretty, but her laugh was to die for.
“Okay stop!” she gasped, falling over onto her back.
“Apologize,” you demanded, leaning over her body, locking her in place.
She looked up at you with that mischievous grin - the one she flashed so often lately - on her face.
“No.”
Commotion broke out as you began relentlessly tickling her again, both of your hands toying with her sides. You couldn’t help but join in on the laughter as her shrieks filled the room; It was impossible to not smile.
“Please!” she wheezed, completely out of breath.
“Say it.”
“I’m sorry,” she gasped for air as you finally let up, giving her a chance to catch her breath. “I could get you in… so much trouble… for that.”
“Tell them and then I’ll tell everyone about how you’ve been taking my di-”
“See what I mean, audacious,” she cut you off while smirking up at you.
“I’ve learned from you,” you replied, leaning forward and giving her a short kiss on the mouth. “Take whatever I want, whenever I want it.”
“Strictly speaking, you’re still under that NDA,” IU threatened casually.
“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t actually dare tell anyone about this,” you replied, running your hand through her hair. “I’m a gentleman.”
“Well I hope you’ll be enough of a gentleman to pardon me for just a bit,” IU said while gently pushing you off her. “I do actually have to get back to work at some point.”
“Has it really already been an hour?” you asked, sitting up on the couch, freeing IU from her prison.
“Hour and fifteen,” IU laughed while collecting her discarded clothes from around the room.
“Wait, just one last thing,” you requested, reaching forward and pulling her hand towards you.
She walked up right in front of you, looking down at you with a puzzled expression. Before she could ask what you wanted, you leaned your face forward between her legs and planted your lips against her bare thigh. You left a long, wet kiss on her skin before looking up at her.
“You’re IU.”
She rolled her eyes before bursting out laughing.
“Do you think we’ll ever be able to go out instead of ordering in?”
IU bit her lip nervously, looking at you with a face full of remorse.
“Does it bother you?”
“Not particularly, but I do sometimes wonder if it would really be that big of a deal,” you speculated, taking a bite of sweet potato. “What do you think?”
“I’m just…” she hesitated, poking at her food. “The thing is, I really like what we have going on. I don’t want to risk ruining it.”
“Ruining it?”
“It’s more like, I know how some fans can be,” she clarified. “I’m scared some of the more dedicated ones might… you know…”
“Understandable,” you said quietly, taking a piece of fish between your chopsticks.
“That’s not what you wanted to hear.”
“Don’t worry about it,” you reassured her, placing your hand on top of hers. “It makes sense, I agree that we should keep whatever this is more private.”
“Whatever this is…” she mumbled.
The two of you made silent eye contact, forgetting about the dinner spread across the table. You stared into her soft, marble-like eyes, getting lost in her gaze. She was special, you just knew she was special, and you were afraid to lose her. Despite the nervousness, it felt like the right time to ask.
“What exactly is this?”
Silence. An hour of it - or realistically probably just a few seconds - your world stopped. Ever since you had the pleasure of working with IU, you couldn’t stop thinking about her. The two of you would meet almost daily, unless her schedule kept her too busy; the days you didn’t meet, you would still text. You felt like you really knew her.
“I don’t really know,” she answered softly.
“Neither do I,” you said before awkwardly poking at your food, suddenly regretting asking the question. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to ruin the mood.”
“Don’t,” IU responded sternly. “I may not know exactly what this is, but there’s nothing to apologize for.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You…” she let out a puff of air from her nose before chuckling. “I’m fine with letting things run their course and just seeing what happens if you are.”
“Yeah, that works for me,” you smiled back.
She let out a relieved sigh before finally taking a bite of food.
“If you really want,” she said after swallowing, her tone changing entirely. “Pick a restaurant, I can book the whole thing for us.”
“Do you have any idea how hot that was?”
“Not exactly my intention.”
“Yet, here we are.”
“So what is it,” IU smirked, pushing her plate to the side and planting her elbows on the table, leaning forward with her face in her hands, like a flower blooming. “What are you in the mood for?”
“You know what I’m really in the mood for.”
“I want to hear it,” she purred.
“I’m looking right at it,” you answered, pushing your plate to the side as well.
“Don’t you ever get tired of that one?” she smirked, leaning back in her chair. “You get it all the time.”
“No, never,” you replied while walking around the table in front of her, leaning forward in front of her face with your hands on her arm rests, trapping her in place. “Never.”
“You know you got me in trouble earlier,” IU whined frivolously. “They said I was late.”
“Aren’t you like their princess, who cares?”
“I’m not a princess.”
“Can the amazing IU even get in trouble? Is it even possible?”
“I can!” she protested, unintentionally becoming the most adorable girl on the planet as her sharp eyes contrasted the subtle pout of her lips. “I still have responsibilities, you know, I don’t just show up, take a couple of pictures and leave.”
“Hurtful,” you laughed, standing up straight. You pushed her hair back behind her ear, stroking it softly, admiring the light makeup she was sporting tonight, her charmingly elegant look. That sweet, genuine smile she wore as she looked up at you with her natural innocence - the innocence that hid her true intentions. “You shouldn’t be late, it’s not very responsible of you.”
“I know,” she replied softly, keeping her gaze locked on you, only breaking eye contact for a brief moment to peek at your crotch.
“So the princess learned her lesson?”
“Need I remind you about why I was late?” her expression switched to annoyance. “And I’m not a princess.”
“I would love a reminder,” you smirked, reaching forward to slip the strap of her nightgown off her shoulder.
“You’ll never get one if you keep calling me a princess,” she hissed angrily - yet she made no attempt to stop you as you slipped the other strap off.
“You’re right, you’re not a princess,” you said calmly. “You’re more beautiful than a princess.”
To your lovely surprise, this got her flustered. Flattery almost never worked on her - she was too used to hearing it. Yet her soft features, glowing with a gentle blush, showcased her beauty wonderfully. She looked stunning tonight, just like she did every other night, the perfect visual.
“Tell me more about your responsibilities,” you continued, stepping even closer towards her, easing the thin fabric down until it just barely covered her chest.
“It’s my responsibility to make sure my staff is happy working with me,” she said as she rubbed her hand up and down your crotch, outlining your shaft with her fingers.
“Last I checked, I work for you from time to time,” you said back. “How exactly do you keep them happy?”
“It would be easier if I just show you,” she said while tugging at the drawstring of your pants. “If I have your permission.”
“You’re allowed to do whatever you want,” you answered, holding her hair out of her face as she began slowly easing down your pants. “Isn’t that how this works?”
“That’s exactly how this works,” she mumbled as she pulled down your clothes, freeing your cock from its modesty. “I love how you’re always so excited to see me.”
“Yeah, after all-” you gasped sharply as her tongue made contact with your shaft. “Who wouldn’t be? You’re IU.”
Her lips curled up as her eyes squinted just a bit while she slowly, painfully slowly, ran her tongue up your cock. You took the opportunity to slide your hand down her gown, taking her soft nipples between your fingers, playing with her body with utter freedom.
She reached your tip with her mouth, the way she looked at you. Overwhelming would be an apt description, her eyes managed to be so delicate yet full of ferocity. Confidence, allure, she just knew how to make you lose your mind by doing the most subtle actions, descriptions just couldn’t do her beauty justice.
Your tip was getting all of her attention now as she swirled her tongue, an expert with her mouth, round and round. Her soft lips pressed against your cock, leaving gentle kisses all over the tip while that unbreakable eye contact kept you fixated on her pretty face.
Kiss after kiss, not caring at all about the little bit precum already leaking. She just kept kissing your tip until she was finally satisfied, giving your hole a few gentle prods with her tongue before moving down your shaft, planting her lips on each and every section of your length.
The eye contact never broke. Not once. The most you got was a subtle squint when you would pinch down with your fingers. Even as her lips made it down to your balls, your cock resting on her face, she still kept her gaze on you.
“You’re beautiful,” you muttered, taking one hand out of her top and running your fingers through her soft hair.
Gently, she ran her tongue up your shaft, the blush on her cheeks confirming she heard your comment. Without even lifting her tongue off your cock, she opened her lips wide and slipped the tip into the warmth of her mouth. As she slowly moved down your cock, eyes still locked on yours, the excessive wetness of her mouth began coating your entire cock.
She sucked you off with utmost enthusiasm, repeatedly sending impulses up your spine. One hand was on the table in a feeble attempt to hold yourself up, while your other hand was holding back her hair. With how beautiful IU was, you didn’t want to miss it for a second.
The difficult part, however, was ignoring the haziness in your eyes. The softness of her mouth around your cock was desensitizing your entire body. For the next couple of minutes, it felt like your cock was the only part of your body that existed, and it lived happily halfway down IU’s throat.
It became too much for you. The urge took over - you needed her. You pulled your hips back, letting your cock escape IU’s lips before immediately pulling her up off the chair. Before she could even react, you had picked her up by her thighs and carried her over to the couches behind the dining table.
“Wow, do you have any idea how hot that was?” IU gasped as her back hit the cushions.
“Exactly what I intended,” you replied with a smile.
The smile on your lips was immediately pressed against IU’s mouth as you leaned forward over her. With your tongue down her throat, you yanked her little nightgown down and cupped her small breasts between your fingers as her legs wrapped around your waist.
Your throbbing cock was pressed against her underwear as the soft dress bunched up at her waist, exposing her soft thighs. You began rubbing your cock against the thin chiffon between her legs, her wetness being felt through the thin fabric.
Soon, both of your hands had abandoned her chest and made their way down her body. You had two handfuls of her soft thighs pressed between your fingers while your lips continued their gentle massage against IU’s mouth. She was intoxicating.
It was difficult to stop kissing her, near impossible at this point. Until she took the short instant that your lips parted with hers, while you took a quick breath, to speak words directly into your face.
“Hurry up and take me,” she whispered, closing her eyes and leaning her head back.
After a sharp inhale, you reached a hand between her legs, pulling her soaked underwear to the side and pressing your cock against her bare, warm, wet folds. Her body welcomed you, silently begging for you to enter.
Before you plunged your cock into her warm embrace, you leaned your mouth forward into the crevice of IU’s neck that she was presenting to you. Her gorgeous scent filled your senses as your mouth began kissing her smooth skin, right before you entered her pussy.
The warmth and tightness around your cock was nothing compared to the satisfaction of the moan that hit your ears. You began aggressively kissing her neck, holding your cock about halfway deep into her pussy, relishing in each and every noise leaving IU’s lips each time your cock moved slightly.
Once she had a few seconds to adjust, you rested your face on her clavicle, using your hands to support your body as your hips started to move back and forth. She kept moaning, more pragmatically now, enjoying the sensation. It was like she had become an instrument, one that you magically knew how to play.
Sex with IU was insane. The girl was so unbelievably expressive, it was impossible to not feel like a king around her. You could happily watch her scrunched up face while you fucked her gently for the rest of your lift - it was utterly enthralling.
“I’m going to cum,” you moaned quietly, keeping the pace of your hips. “You’re going to make me cum.”
“Mhmm,” IU moaned back.
“Where?”
“Anywhere!” she cried out, shocking you with the sudden intensity, scrunching her face up even harder.
Her hands grabbed her dress, scrunching it up into what resembled a tiny ribbon just below her breasts, exposing her toned stomach. Her knuckles went white with how hard she was gripping the cloth.
Only now did you become acutely aware of how tight her pussy was becoming. It felt divine, but it also meant it was impossible for you to hold back any longer. You suddenly hit the point of no return, the tension building up all around your crotch. You were mere seconds away from exploding inside her, but the desire to paint her abs somehow prevailed.
Without hesitation, you pulled out and began stroking your cock over her body. The same instant that your tip left her pussy, a beam of white launched all the way up her body, leaving a streak of white across her stomach.
IU, finally opening her eyes, licked the back of her hand clean of the cum that splattered on it before intently watching your cock unload into her stomach. Her deep breaths were making the lake of cum spill over onto the couch - a problem for later. She smiled softly at you while rubbing her pussy with one hand slowly as your cock dripped the last bit of cum onto her belly.
However, you weren’t done yet. Swiftly, you moved back and shoved your face between IU’s spread legs. Her sudden shriek transformed into a moan halfway as your tongue began making circles around her clit. You were aggressive, making sure she felt every movement.
The hand she was pleasuring herself with had grabbed your hair, and you could feel her fingers digging into your scalp. Her other hand was interlocked with yours as you reached up to grab it, squeezing tightly. Your tongue was working overtime trying to get IU back to her climax.
Based on how her thighs began to press against your head, you figured it was working. You began sucking on her clit while bringing your free hand up and inserting two fingers into her pussy.
“Just like that,” she groaned softly. “I’m close.”
Her taste was intoxicating. You simply could not get enough. She began to leak profusely, filling your mouth to the point of her wetness coating your chin; you didn’t care one bit. All that mattered was making her feel good.
She began to hyperventilate, arching her back as her pussy leaked all over your lips and hand. You could feel her pussy squeezing your fingers, convulsing each time your tongue lapped at her clit. It was inevitable now - she was going to cum.
Licking and sucking, you went a bit longer, keeping your mouth open now to try accommodating the mess she was making. After just a short few moments later, you felt a small spurt of liquid hit the back of your throat accompanied by a very loud shriek coming from IU.
“Oh fuck!” she shouted, letting go of your hand and letting her whole body convulse in pleasure.
She had also let go of your hair at this point, simply leaning back on the couch and enjoying the moment. You leaned back slightly, watching her writhe and ride her orgasm out as your two fingers gently thrusted into her pussy. You brought your second hand up towards her clit, rubbing light circles while you watched her.
Her orgasm went on for a while, and you enjoyed every second of it just as much as she did. When she finally began to calm down, you slowly withdrew your fingers and leaned over her body. The two of you kissed again, IU’s eyes closed once again.
After the kiss, you simply lay on top of her body, feeling each breath she took. The two of you were a mess, but that was the least of your worries. You just wanted to hold her, feel her warmth, feel her lungs inhale and exhale. For a few minutes, the two of you simply lay there in each other’s embrace, silence broken only by the gentle breaths IU was taking.
“What’s your plan for tomorrow?” you asked, gently breaking the silence.
“I have a short photoshoot in the morning, and then I’m free.”
“Photoshoot? I don’t remember hearing about this.”
“There’s going to be another photographer,” IU answered quietly.
You sat up and looked at her as she tried to avoid your gaze.
“You’ve had plenty of photographers other than me since we started this thing,” you said cautiously. “But why does it seem like there’s something bothering you this time?”
“It’s… complicated,” IU began to explain.
“I believed you when you said you stopped,” you chuckled. “I’m not actually worried about another photographer working with you.”
“We have history.”
“What kind of history?” you asked hesitantly, starting to get worried by how she was acting.
She looked up into your eyes with a pained expression.
“Are you really going to make me say it?”
“No,” you replied softly before moving over on the couch until you were right next to her. You wrapped your arms around her before continuing. “It doesn’t matter what you did.”
“He’s going to be the first photographer since I met you who knows about…” IU stammered, her arms latching onto your back. “What if he…”
“You can say no,” you interjected firmly, squeezing her small body tightly. You held onto her until she stopped sobbing, until her body stopped trembling, before letting go of her and looking into her face. “You’re not that type of girl,” you said softly as you wiped her face.
“What is wrong with me!” she shouted dramatically, tilting her head back to try and hold her tears in. “This was so much easier before…”
“Before what?” you asked while moving closer to her.
IU gazed deep into your eyes, her own sparkling with the remnants of her tears. She inched her face forward - it felt like she was taking an eternity - until her lips were as close to yours as they could physically be without touching.
“Before you,” she whispered before pressing forward.
It was impossible to stop thinking about it. You decided to work from home, IU’s home, because she refused to let you leave last night - not that you wanted to leave anyway. It would be fine under normal circumstances, but it did make it extremely difficult to stop thinking about her.
After accepting work was not an option today, you decided to just slack off on your laptop - something most employees already did when they worked from home. Time ticked away slowly as you spent the day switching between shows and YouTube videos. Luckily, IU’s home was painfully comfortable, there really were no complaints to be had.
Eventually boredom, or perhaps guilt, kicked in, and you decided to give work another shot. By some divine intervention, you managed to forget about the unforgettable girl for just a little bit and you actually got some editing done.
Taking the pictures was only a small part of your job, most of the time you were busy editing and compiling the best shots into sets for clients. As you sifted through picture after picture, you were once again reminded of how nice working with IU was. Working with someone as talented as her just made things so much easier, you didn’t have to delete hundreds - if not thousands - of ‘bad’ pictures; It wasn’t easy taking a ‘bad’ picture of IU.
Endless scrolling eventually took a toll on your mind, and you felt yourself slowly start to doze off. IU was partially to blame again: Why was every piece of furniture in her home so comfortable? It did, however, end up making your extracurricular activities with her quite fun. With all the options available in her home, the two of you rarely ended up doing much in her bed other than actually sleeping.
Your mind casually thought of all the chairs, couches, tables, rugs, and a number of other more unorthodox places the two of you have enjoyed the last month together. As you sank into her couch, you didn’t even have the energy to put your laptop on the coffee table before you fell into a state of bliss.
That state of bliss, however, was completely shattered when you woke up to the gentle sounds of sobbing on the couch next to you. Out of all the ways IU has woken you up previously, this was by far the worst.
“IU?” you croaked as your eyes furiously blinked open, trying to find the source of the crying next to you. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m a fucking slut.”
“Hey!” you quickly rushed to her side, pulling her into your embrace. “Why would you say that?”
“It’s true,” she cried, her eyes coating your shoulder. “Everyone knows it, everyone’s thinking it.”
“No they’re not,” you said firmly.
“You probably also think I’m a slut,” she sobbed, her arms falling limply to her sides.
“No I don’t!” you insisted as you pulled back, holding her shoulders, staring into her face. She still had the professional makeup from the photo shoot on, and you just now noticed how beautiful she was at this moment despite the crying. “What did he do?”
She shook her head, her lip quivering, tears building up in her eyes again.
“I’m not mad, I just need to know what happened,” you said, trying your best to control your voice.
“Nothing happened,” she said sniffled. “I didn’t do anything with him.”
You tilted your head in confusion.
“I told you, I’m not mad, just tell me what happened.”
“See, even you assume I’m just a fucking slut!” IU shattered into tears, putting her hands over her face and crying.
“What? No!” you let go of her shoulders, trying to make sense of what was going on. “Please, I believe you, just help me understand.”
She took a minute, one that felt like an hour, before lowering her hands and looking at you.
“He…” she stammered, scrunching her face up in an attempt to hold back her tears.
“Take your time,” you reassured her, reaching forward and grabbing her hands. “I’m not going anywhere, take as long as you need.”
She inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly, rubbing her cheek against her shoulder before speaking again.
“The photoshoot… after we finished, he…” she struggled until you gave her hands an encouraging squeeze. “He came into my dressing room after.”
You held your tongue, letting her say her whole piece before asking questions despite the burning rage that was filling your insides.
“He expected me to just… he walked right up to me and lowered his pants,” IU choked, taking a short moment to recompose herself. “The way he looked at me, he just expected me to…”
“Did he do anything else?” you asked gently but firmly.
“No,” she shook her head, lip trembling again but no tears fell this time. “I told him I don’t do that anymore.”
“And that was the end of it?”
She nodded slowly, looking at you as if she expected something, reassurance, comfort, it wasn’t clear.
“You’re not a slut,” you said directly. “Even if you did what he wanted, it still wouldn’t have made you… can we stop using that word?”
“Do you not believe me?” her eyes began to well up.
Without hesitation, you lunged forward and pulled her into your embrace again.
“Of course I believe you,” you mumbled into her shoulder while rubbing her back. “I trust you completely.”
“Then why does it feel like you still think I did something,” she sniffled against your shoulder.
“I don’t think you did something,” you replied. “I only meant even if you did, it wouldn’t matter.”
“There is no ‘if you did’ about it!” she shouted as the tears streamed down her face. “I told you already, you are the only one I want. I don’t do that stuff anymore.”
“I know,” you whispered into her shoulder.
“Do you still want…” she sniffled before stopping.
“Want what?” you asked, letting go of her.
“This.”
“You mean, us?”
She nodded solemnly.
“Of course I still want this,” you answered firmly. “We agreed to see where things go, is that not what you want anymore?”
“I’m… no,” she responded. “I’m tired of waiting and seeing.”
“You mean…”
“We both want the same thing, why make it harder than it needs to be?” she continued. “I’m ready if you are.”
“IU, are you sure?”
“Exclusive. You. Me.”
It felt like a weight had been launched off your chest, a weight you weren’t even aware of before. You could feel the palpitations in your chest, suddenly your heart wasn’t working properly. IU wanted to make this official?
“I’m ready.”
---
AN:
IT HAS BEEN A VERY LONG TIME. No, this was not initially intended to be a Christmas release, but hey Merry Christmas to those who celebrate! This chapter ended up being a tiny bit shorter than my normal, but that's because I decided I like this story and want to continue it for just a little bit longer (maybe 5 parts total?) and this was a nice ending spot. I sorta have a plan for how I want to end this series, so we'll see if we get there.
Anyway, figured I'd update a bit on what's going on with me. There's a really good chance that this will bite me in the butt, however, I plan to upload somewhere between 2-5 updates in my other stories within the next week or two. THIS IS TENTATIVE, NO PROMISES.
Life is busy, I am borderline retired as a writer now, but like I said previously: I will still try to write when I have time and motivation. Updates, after the optimistic 2-5 I mentioned above, will continue to be extremely sporadic. For those of you who truly enjoy my writing, I'm sorry that there will be long delays. For those of you who don't really care for my writing... why are you still reading this?
Same deal as before, I'd love feedback! I'll admit, I won't be able to put as much time and effort as I used to, but I still want to improve. Let me know what you liked or disliked! I didn't really proofread or reread this chapter nearly as much as I normally do, honestly I just missed the thrill of uploading a piece of writing. Hopefully you guys understand and will forgive any silly mistakes!
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