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mysaintkitten · 7 months

Note

hii first of all i just wanna say your writing is amazing & you are so very talented 🤍!!!! every time i see you’ve posted something i can’t wait to read it :]

anyway!! i was hoping i could request a jonathan crane x reader fic in which he gets jealous and protective over his gf <3 reader is really pretty (like one of those pinterest or ig baddies) and not the type of girl people typically picture a doctor dating lmaoaoao but he gets jealous n stuff bc people hit on her 😭 ugh i’m rambling now but ty ily 🤍

thank you so so much !! you are so kind !! i appreciate it very very much !! ilyt !!

Claimed | Jonathan Crane x fem!reader

prompt: someone tries to flirt with you at an event, and jonathan doesn’t take it lightly (NSFW!! NO MINORS!!)

WARNINGS: brief awkward interactions with pushy men, mentions of spiked drinks/possible death, implications of murders/killing, unprotected sex (p in v), jonathan and reader are both possessive, breeding/pregnancy kink, squirting, creampie

word count: 4.3k *not proofread*

“sweetheart, we’ve gotta go soon!” jonathan calls out to you from the front room. he stands in front of a large full body mirror making some final adjustments before he leaves. he takes a deep breath and slides a small syringe into his pocket. hopefully he won’t have to use it, but tonight could be hectic.

there’s a large event in gotham tonight and jonathan wants to make sure he looks his absolute best before showing up. though, he doesn’t think he’ll have to worry so much. with you on his arm, he doubts anyone will be paying much attention to his looks.

jonathan wasn’t an ugly man by any means, but you’ve lost track of how many times people told you that you’re out of his league. you didn’t see it. he’s handsome, smart, and sweet. well, sweet towards you, at least. and that’s what mattered.

“i’m coming, just hold on!” you shout back from the bedroom as you slip on your heels. you quickly walk towards the vanity before flattening our your dress and shifting it around so it hugs your body just right. once you’re happy, you head out and meet jonathan in the front room. as soon as he sees you, his anxiety begins to fade and a proud grin appears on his lips.

“darling ..” he coos as he begins to take a few steps to meet you in the middle. he runs his hands along your arms and kisses you softly, making sure he doesn’t ruin your makeup in any way.

“do i look nice?” you ask, jonathan chuckles breathily. “you look stunning, my love. now come on, we’ve gotta go.”

you sigh as he lightly grabs your wrist and starts to lead you outside, “nothing wrong with being fashionably late, jon.”

the drive to the event is rather quiet, you stare out the window, jonathan stays fixated on the road with his hand on your thigh. after a few minutes pass and you begin to arrive closer to the event jonathan decides to give you a brief rundown of what to expect.

“all right, these people will be obnoxious. and pretentious. and dull. but all you have to do is smile and nod and look pretty, okay?” jonathan asks sweetly. he’s not exactly asking you, he’s telling you. but you don’t mind, this is his event after all, you’re really just there to be eye candy. a subtle little ‘fuck you’ to the people who doubted him and his abilities to find love. jonathan was perpetually single for years until he met you, and the people around him made it their mission to never allow him to forget it. but you flipped a switch within him. his soft, gentle side began to spill out more and more. although he still definitely kept his cold and calculated side, he just tried to keep it away from you as best he could.

jonathan pulls up to the gotham museum where the event is being held. there’s a handful of people outside, standing and talking, but the real business is going down inside. you start to feel a bit nervous, you knew this event was going to be big, but this was more than you had anticipated.

you glance over to jonathan and flash him a smile, hoping to convey authentic happiness, but when you see him frown slightly in response you realize you weren’t very convincing.

“it’ll be all right, darling. i promise. you can cling to my arm the entire night, no one will bother you.” he whispers, petting the side of your face gently, “they know what i’m capable of.”

the implication of violence gave you chills. it was hot knowing how evil and dangerous he could be, while on the flip side be so affectionate and loving. he’d get down on all fours for you, kiss the ground you walk on. he had never felt that way about anyone, not in the slightest. in fact, he held partial animosity towards most people. some stronger than others. after years of being picked on and ridiculed, it’s not surprising he felt this way.

you nod at his words and form a genuine smile, making jonathan smile in return.

“let’s head inside.” he hums.

you exit the car with jonathan and begin to approach the museum, already noticing people look your way and whisper amongst themselves. you wrap your arm around jonathan’s, holding him close as you enter the event.

as you’re inside for merely a few moments, taking in the scenery and people around you, you hear someone shout from afar.

“crane!”

you and jonathan’s heads shoot over to the direction of the shout, where you’re met with a man you’ve never seen before. you feel a bit worried, but then you look over at jonathan who’s smiling. you begin to relax, if he’s not worried, you’re not worried.

the man is finally face to face with jonathan, where he grins widely and sticks out his hand. jonathan laughs and shakes the man’s hand, “been a while, hasn’t it?”

jonathan notices your confusion and breaks the handshake to speak to you, “darling, this is a friend of mine from university, his name is dr. fiske.”

you’ve heard of dr. fiske before. jonathan said he was his only friend throughout university. it’s nice to finally put a face to a name. you smile shyly at him and stick your hand out to shake his hand, “pleasure to meet you.”

he shakes your hand and nods, “same to you, miss.”

“is this your girl, crane?” dr. fiske asks, a smirk forming on his face as he drops your hand.

jonathan nods while grinning proudly, “she’s all mine.”

“look at jonny go!” he exclaims happily, smacking jonathan’s arm playfully. jonathan laughs and shrugs, “i know, i know. i got very lucky.”

you can’t help but smile at his words, he always made sure you knew how much he appreciated you and how lucky he got with you. but to hear him tell it to others really solidified his love for you, you’d never been put on such a pedestal by a partner before.

“well, i won’t hold you guys up. it was nice to see you crane, and it was nice to meet you ma’am.” dr. fiske adds before leaving to head to another area of the event.

the night goes well. jonathan talks to people, and you do as he asked. smiled, nodded, looked pretty. and he was right, these people were like parasites. energy leeches. it was becoming more and more difficult to feign this contentment when your annoyance was beginning to boil inside of you. you can only hear so many rich pricks ramble about how great they are in one night.

luckily, the conversations begin to fizzle out.

“would you like to get a drink?” jonathan questions, already knowing what your response will be.

“yes, please.” you sigh with relief. it would be much easier to pretend to be interested if you were drunk, but having to do all this sober was really putting your acting skills to the test.

jonathan chuckles and leads you to the bar, “stay here for a moment, darling. i need to use the restroom. don’t move, i’ll be right back. order yourself whatever you’d like.”

he gives you a quick peck on the cheek before heading off to the bathroom. you really didn’t want to be alone surrounded by people you didn’t know. but you’re grown, and you remember what jonathan said. they know what i’m capable of.

“gin and tonic, please.” you order politely, the bartender mumbles and begins to make your drink.

as you stand there, clicking your nails against the counter while you wait, you’re disrupted by an unfamiliar voice.

“here all by yourself, hun?”

you quickly swing around with a confused expression on your face, and you’re met with an extremely tall stranger that reeks of alcohol. you have no idea who this man is, or why he’s decided to talk to you out of all people. of course this would happen the moment jonathan leaves your side.

“uh .. no, actually. i’m here with my boyfriend.” you respond flatly as you hear the sound of the bartender placing your drink down behind you, you thank them and grab your drink, bringing it up to your lips and taking a small sip.

“well .. he doesn’t seem to be around, love.” the man noticed while slurring, “doesn’t he know better than to leave a pretty thing like you unattended?”

“he’ll be back soon. and trust me, he will not be happy to see you talking to me.” you warn, feeling irritated at this man’s inability to take no for an answer.

he clicks his tongue and tilts his head, “aw. can’t even have a conversation with you? that’s too bad .. i’ll give him something to get angry over ..” he laughs as his hand begins to meet your hip, you push his chest back firmly, spilling a bit of your drink in the process.

“don’t touch me!” you snap, hoping to god that jonathan hurries up and saves you.

“sweetheart ..” the man chuckles lowly, putting his hands up defensively, “relax, now. what your little boyfriend can’t see won’t hurt him, right?” he whispers as he reaches to touch your hips again.

you go to push him again, “i said don’t touch me!”

in the midsts of your rage, your eyes meet with jonathan. he may be far away, but you can tell he’s fuming. he nudges people out of the way and quickly strides over to you, his expression becoming angrier by the moment. suddenly, he’s behind the man’s back with a drink in his hand. his gaze burning into the back of his head.

“is there a problem here?” jonathan growled, the man turns around and scoffs. jonathan’s visibly shorter than the man, but that doesn’t faze jonathan in the slightest. the man scoffs at him, “not at all, man. just chatting with this lovely lady.”

jonathan’s gaze switches to you, and you shake your head slightly, trying to convey to jonathan that you didn’t want to talk to this man at all. he knew what you were trying to say, and he knew this wasn’t your fault.

“interesting,” jonathan responds unamused, “well hopefully you’ve said all you needed to say. come on, darling. let’s go.”

he reaches his hand out for you and you quickly latch onto him, avoiding making eye contact with the unfamiliar man.

he laughs, “wait wait, this is your boyfriend? jesus.”

jonathan wanted to leave as soon as possible to avoid causing a scene, but these little digs were making it harder for him to think rationally.

“yup. she’s all mine.” jonathan sighs, “feel free to look. but you cannot touch.”

the man laughs, not realizing how scarily serious jonathan is being. the energy is making you extremely uncomfortable. he swallows and forces a smile, “here, man. no hard feelings.”

jonathan hands his drink over to the man, to which he accepts it and nods. “yeah man, no hard feelings.” he mumbles while taking a sip. you’re confused. jonathan has never behaved like this. normally, he’d resort to getting violent, yet he gave this man a drink like it was some sort of reward.

you clench harder on jonathan’s arm and the two of you turn to leave, you hear the man make one final comment from behind you;

“keep me in mind, sweetheart. i know you’ll be thinking about me.”

you shudder from discomfort, speeding up your pace as you head towards the door.

once in the car, you sit awkwardly in the passenger seat, unable to relax.

jonathan gets into the drivers seat and slams the door, “goddamn prick ..” he groans, aggressively putting on his seatbelt.

“baby, i’m sorry, he came up to me and he wouldn’t take no for an answer ..” your voice trails off as you can’t figure out what else to say

“no, no, darling, it’s not you ..” he assures, “it’s that stupid fucking bastard in there. who does he think he is? what makes him think he’s worthy of your attention?” though jonathan knows you wouldn’t betray him like that, he’s irritated at the man’s attempt.

you rub jonathan’s arm, “he’s arrogant. and he’s probably never been told no in his life .. he couldn’t win me over if he was the last man on earth.”

jonathan huffs and begins to drive off, you remember how jonathan gave him his drink.

“baby?” you whisper, interlocking your fingers with his,

“hm?” he responds, not taking his eyes off the road,

“why’d you give him your drink?”

he grins while remembering, “well, i couldn’t drink it anyway. i had to drive us home.”

that makes sense now that you think about it, maybe he was offered a drink and accepted it to be nice.

“and i slipped something into the drink.”

your expression drops, “what?”

jonathan just shrugs and continues to grin, “he needs to learn a lesson. i guess he just didn’t know what i’m capable of, but now he’ll know.”

what you didnt know at the time was as jonathan began to approach you, he slipped the syringe out of his pocket (which you didn’t even know about to begin with) and squirted the concoction into the drink hastily. your heart starts to race a bit, a mixture of fear and admiration. he really would do whatever to protect you. you don’t know how severely he’s hurt this man, whether the drink will simply knock him out or flat out kill him. you didn’t know, and that gave you a rush. he was already tipsy anyway, whatever happens to him won’t get pinned on jonathan.

“i’d do whatever for you, darling. anything.” he hums, clenching your hand harder, “i know, i know ..” you agree, “i’d do anything for you, too. i’m yours.”

he groans and loosened his grip on your hand, shifting your hand down lower between his legs, “all mine, pretty girl. all mine.”

you gasp softly as he guides your hand to his growing bulge, “you get so many men all worked up, baby .. yet i’m the one that gets to touch you, and hear all those pretty noises you make as you come undone.”

you run your hand along his clothed cock without his guidance and you feel yourself becoming aroused as your thighs tense together, the intensity of the situation was making your heart pound and your mind foggy.

before you know it, he’s pulled up outside of the house.

“get inside, go into the bedroom. i expect to see you ready by the time i get there.” he purrs, you hum while taking your hand off of his bulge, quickly heading inside and shutting the door behind you before kicking off your shoes. before you’re even near the bedroom you begin to unzip your dress, giggling quietly as you hear jonathan enter through the front door, locking it behind him while sliding off his shoes.

as you stand in the bedroom, you fully slide the dress off, tossing it on top of the hamper before quickly unclasping your bra and sliding off your panties. you scramble, slightly breathlessly, onto the bed, and lay back as you wait patiently for him.

a few moments later, jonathan enters, sighing at what he sees.

“oh, my girl ..” he purrs, walking over to the bed before crawling onto it, planting kisses on your ankles as he works his way up your legs, “so well behaved .. all for me ..” he praises as his kisses make their way to your thighs, where you slowly spread your legs apart for him. he groans at your pussy, continuing his desperate kisses along your inner thigh.

“look at that pussy ..” he hums lowly while using his index and middle finger to spread your lips apart, “god. i’ve killed men over this cunt, you know that, darling?”

you whimper at his tone as you shake your head, tucking your bottom lip between your teeth while staring down at him.

“well ..” he coos while sliding a finger inside of you, “i have. i’ve kept track of the men that have harassed you, hurt you, annoyed you, hell, even the men that looked at you the wrong way. notice how you’ve never seen them again?”

the more you think about it, the more you realize you never had to deal with these men more than once. the incident would occur, you’d tell jonathan, and he’d take care of it. it’s sickeningly attractive to know how far jonathan will go for you, knowing how absolutely pussy whipped you’ve made him.

you gasp as he slowly fucks you with his middle finger, your mind finding it hard to focus on one specific thing.

“for .. for me?” you whimper, feeling yourself becoming slicker

“all for you, my love.” he sighed against your thigh as he continues to place small kisses along your inner thighs, his lips inching closer to your swollen clit, “all for you.” he whispers one last time before suckling gently on your clit while continuing to finger you, sneaking a second finger in while you writhe beneath him.

“o-oh ..” you moan, “jonathan, please ..”

your pussy clenches around his fingers and he hums against your clit, slipping a third finger in as you whimper loudly,

“j-jonathan, please!” you mewl, snaking your fingers down into jonathan’s head and tightly locking your fingers into his hair, he briefly pulls off and continues to finger you while groaning “let me taste your pretty pussy for a bit longer, darling ..”

your cheeks burn at his praise, your thighs beginning to twitch around his head as you become wetter, the sounds of his slick tongue and drenched fingers become even louder. lewd squelches and soft whimpers are all that can be heard, along with jonathan’s occasional hums against your clit.

he can feel you become close, he’s able to recognize your involuntary jolts and twitches all too well. he pulls his fingers out and takes his lips off you, huffing quietly as he brings his slick fingers up to his mouth and sucking the arousal off.

the dirty act makes your chest flutter, he’s so desperate to taste each and every drop of you, trying his absolute hardest to make sure none of it goes to waste. once his fingers are cleaned, he brings his hands down to his zipper and button, where he urgently unbuttons and unzips his pants.

“who do you belong to, baby?”

“‘m yours, jon ..” you moan, batting your lashes at him. he groans as his jaw hangs slightly slack while he tugs his pants down, his cock nearly bursting out of his boxers. he palms himself while staring down at you, “‘n who do i belong to?” he smirks,

it rarely crossed your mind that the possessiveness went both ways, you were normally so enamoured by jonathan and his admiration for you that you rarely considered anyone else as a threat. but occasionally, jonathan would get hit on in front of you, and it would make you immensely angry and insecure. he’d barely even look in the same direction as other women, yet they’d still somehow think that was a sign to approach him. he’d shoot them down harshly. even the women that you felt could easily take your place, jonathan’s loyalty towards you never faltered. he wanted to make sure you wouldn’t have to go to the same limits that he would to keep outsiders eyes off of you.

you shake those thoughts aside to respond to him while biting your lip, “you’re mine ..”

he hums in approval while sliding down his boxers, both the boxers and his pants now sitting at his mid thigh, “that’s right, darling.”

he inches his hips forward and runs his cock head along your folds, spreading the slick around before teasing your clit with his tip. pressing against the bud and gently moving his cock side to side, watching as you wriggled at the teasing.

he chuckles and dips his cock back to your opening, slowly sliding just his tip in before pulling it back out, fucking you agonizingly slow with the head.

“d’you know how many men are gonna be jerking off to the thought of you? ‘n how many of them wish they could just get a glimpse of your pussy .. let alone sit here and tease it ..” he breathed, beginning to slowly side more of his cock inside you. your breath hitches at the developing fullness, “more .. please ..”

“aw, poor baby,” he coos almost condescendingly, “you want me to fuck you properly?”

you nod mindlessly and huff, purposefully clenching around him in hopes of getting him to put his full length inside. it partially works, you think, as he groans and slides more inside, still not bottoming out yet.

“use your words, darling.” jonathan commands, halting his movements again and leaving just his tip inside once more.

“please, jonathan .. please fuck me properly ..” you whimper embarrassingly, as those words leave your mouth he laughs breathily before sliding his full length in, nearly knocking the wind out of you as he thrusts back out and pounds into you again. he forms a quick, rough pace that makes you nearly cry with pleasure.

“o-oh, mmh, fuck!” you whine loudly, your back arching as jonathan’s cock forcefully hits your most sensitive areas.

“this cunts all mine, you hear me?” he groans while gripping your thigh with one hand and grabbing your face with the other, “if i wanna fuck it, slap it, breed it, abuse it, whatever i want. it’s mine. right, baby?”

you nod quickly with furrowed brows, pathetic little mewls falling from your lips as you stare at him through your lashes. you loved this duality about jonathan. sometimes you’d purposefully rile him up just to get him to fuck you angrily and almost animalistic. sometimes, he’ll make love to you and praise you the entire time like you’re a goddess that’s a blessing on this earth, other times he’d fuck you like you’re a filthy whore that’s sole purpose is to be stuffed full of cock. you needed both in moderation. right now, you were long overdue for one of his dirty rough fucks, so it’s kind of nice the way things panned out tonight.

“wanna breed this pussy so goddamn bad .. you like how that sounds, sweetheart? you want me to fuck a baby into you?” he purrs, his grip on your face and hip still tight, you nod and moan loudly, “y-yes, jonathan!”

he chuckles before quickly switching to a low groan as he feels you become slicker around him, “god .. you’re gonna look so fucking good all nice ‘n full .. i’ll make you my wife .. you want that, hm?”

“yes, yes!” you ramble as your mind goes blank, it feels nearly primal. like deep down, you’re just two ravenous, hungry creatures who need each others bodies and want to reproduce. that’s all humans are really meant to do, isn’t it?

“good girl .. such a good girl .. i’ll take such good care of you and our baby, darling ..” he hums, “open your mouth for me ..”

you lazily open your mouth and stick out your tongue, small whimpers being punched out of you as you do so. after grinning at how malleable you are in his hands, he spits in your mouth. he doesn’t even need to tell you to swallow, you do it anyway.

“that’s it, god you’re fucking perfect ..” he praised, it made you feel so dirty, your mind running on overdrive at the intense amounts of pleasure. you hadn’t even realized how close you were until you felt yourself beginning to slowly tip over the edge. this didn’t feel like your normal orgasms though, you felt something different within you.

suddenly, through jonathan’s harsh thrusts, your orgasm spills out of you while you whimper loudly. the clear liquid poured out of you and dampened the blanket beneath you along with jonathan’s pants. you twitch at the after shocks of your orgasm and jonathan’s pace never slows, “look at that .. drenched my fuckin’ pants baby ..”

“i’m sorry, ‘m sorry i couldn’t control it ..” you apologize as your cheeks flush from the embarrassment, you had never squirted before, and now you feel partially guilty for ruining his pants. not too guilty, though, because your other senses are still being dulled by the feeling of his cock pounding into you.

“no, don’t apologize, sweet girl .. ‘s cute .. made you feel so good, you made such a mess ..” he soothes, loosening his grip on you face and sliding his hand down to grip the other side of your hip with his now free hand.

his thrusts begin to get shaky and his breaths get heavier, “gonna come- fuck, baby, ‘m gonna come ..” he huffs through gritted teeth, his eyes shutting tightly as his grips get harsher. after a few more pumps, he’s coming inside you. groaning lowly as he holds your hips tightly against his, making sure he shoots his load as deeply inside of you as he can.

he thrusts a few more times to really get his come in there before slowly pulling out his softening cock. he leans back on his knees, you scan him up and down from between your legs. his cheeks are pink, his hair is messy, his forehead is sweaty, his glasses have slid down the middle of his nose bridge, his chest rises and falls laboredly, and his almost fully soft cock sits between his legs, his pants still around his thighs with a large visible damp mark from when you had orgasmed.

once he’s caught his breath, jonathan speaks;

“maybe other men should flirt with you more often.” he chuckles.

—

i have to be honest, i don’t think this is good at all, but i hope you guys at least like it! i’m sorry it’s taken me a while! i’ll be back on track soon! :)

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x reader #cillian x fem!reader #scarecrow #jonathan crane x reader #jonathan crane #hope y’all like this #:)

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s4ndg3m · 4 months

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I wanna know ur wallmark divorce headcannons so bad

okokok. i had to type these all up separately so i could organize my ideas. i have like more in my head but they're hard to put into words so this is what you get

cw for alchoholism and general relationship issues. putting it all under the cut. remember these are just my headcanons and thoughts, nothing concrete.

General issues

Conflicting ideals on future life- Wallter being much more of a city guy, while mark prefers a rural setting.

Communication issues- Instead of talking things out they get accusatory and defensive, which means most talks end up arguments.

Further communication issues- They geniunely cannot understand the other half of the time. Wallter will attempt to be subtle in his communication, dropping hints instead of just flat out saying what he wants. Mark cannot pick up on these. Mark's direct communication sometimes comes across as rude and aggressive to Wallter.

General conflict- They have some shared interests, but there's also a lot of things that are important to them that they don't agree on. Like building materials, however silly that might sound.

Mark's issues

Alcoholism- Bit of A drunkard. He insists it isn't an issue but it is when it interferes with plans he and Wallter already had. "It would be weird if I didn't have a few with the boys after a job well done!"

Short-tempered- Which causes even more arguments over small things. (Def not physically abusive toward Wallter, even when drunk)

Abrasive personality- Mark would be more likely to make jabs or meaner jokes because he thinks everyone can take it. He wouldn't understand why someone would get upset over a joke.

He snores really loud- To the point where Wallter usually can't sleep. It builds tensions between them cus either Wallter is sleep-deprived or they never sleep in the same bed.

Dismissive- Wallter will ask/tell him about something that bothers him or something he wants as a gift for a holiday, but Mark usually won't listen.

Oblivious- Won't pick up on hints that Wallter drops, no matter the context.

Wallter's issues

Grey stuff. Wallter loves it, Mark loathes it. They argue over it.

Petty- Incredibly petty. Will make snide comments at Mark when he's upset about something.

Silent- He doesn't help at all with the communication issue, because he just flat out won't say anything! Until it's a big issue, of course. He might make hints but Mark cannot pick up on them.

Insistent on his own opinions- He will often push Mark to think like he does, instead of accepting their differences. It gets frustrating for Mark when he's constantly having to defend his thoughts.

Pretentious- Would absolutely try and take the moral high ground during arguments. He thinks talking in a level tone and not shouting means he's in the right, when really he's the one instigating most of the arguments.

Jealousy- I think he'd be the jealous type. He'd interrogate Mark about his friends and question his honesty often.

I don't think there was one thing that caused the divorce, but a buildup of tension and frustration over the years of their marriage that was never managed. i think they both wanted it to work, even afterward, but neither of them are willing enough to see their issues and work on them. Even then, they kind of ruined the idea of a life with one another because of how horribly their marriage ended.

anyway these are just my initial thoughts on the two. enjoy!

#labyanswering #regretevator #regretevator mannequin mark #mannequin mark regretevator #mannequin mark #wallter #regretevator wallter #wallter regretevator #regretevator headcanon #tw alchoholism #relationship issues #marital issues #arguing #wallmark

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suffersinfandom · 7 months

Text

Alright, I’m gonna talk about Ed and abuse.

“Why? Why are you spending your precious time on Earth typing about some dumb fandom stuff when you could be doing literally anything else?”

In short, seeing all of these “Ed is an abuser who’s inevitably going to hurt Stede” takes have been driving me absolutely bonkers since I first noticed them. They’re not going away, so I’m going to bang out an essay.

In less-short: it’s because abuse is a serious thing and, as someone who’s experienced it, I get a little feisty when it becomes a topic of discourse in my silly pirate fandom. It’s because it’s upsetting to read meta after meta accusing an indigenous man of being an abuser. It’s because a lot of the abuse discourse in the fandom fails to separate real-life abuse from violence in a show. It’s because the vast majority of the abuse talk only acknowledges physical abuse which, while terrible, is not the only kind that hurts people and utterly destroys their lives.

It’s because calling Ed abusive or insisting that he’s a future abuser can harm people who are like him -- people who have suffered abuse or get angry sometimes or have hurt people when they were hurt. Victims of abuse, especially those who dealt with it in childhood, often fear becoming abusers themselves. They bottle up their anger for fear of hurting someone. They hurt themselves in a misguided attempt to protect others. They don’t need to see fandom meta that enforces their fears.

Before I get into it…

I may as well come clean and say that I’m on team Ed absolutely isn’t abusive and it’s weird that people are getting that from a show that’s full of violence.

Plenty has been typed in Ed’s defense by POC in the fandom, so I’m not going to go into how deeply unfortunate it would be to make an indigenous main character an abuser. I’m just going to say that, when you consider OFMD’s genre and attitude towards violence, it seems clear to me that you can’t call Ed abusive without calling out other characters (unless you have some kind of bias against Ed). His actions are deplorable in the real world, a bit much in OFMD’s world, deeply unhealthy, not okay by any means, and shitty and traumatizing for his crew, but they aren’t abusive.

I’m going to try to keep things polite and respectful. I’m also going to try to stick close to what the text is trying to say; I truly do want to present an honest, earnest analysis of something that I love.

The arguments in favor of Ed as an abuser.

We can’t defend an idea without knowing what we’re arguing against (with brief counterpoints that I hope to expand on later). For this section (lol, sections, that feels pretentious and weird and I’m sorry), I’ll be lightly rephrasing things and omitting sources.

“Ed has anger management issues that disqualify him from being a romantic lead.”

Counterpoint: Ed does not have anger management issues. (Even if he did, I can think of a few very successful franchises with shitty and violent romantic leads. Ew.) He gets angry sometimes, as we all do.

“I defended Ed making Izzy eat his toe because that was a single instance and abuse is a pattern. Season two made it an explicit pattern.”

Counterpoint: First, feeding people their toes isn’t a biggie in this universe. Second, Ed fed Izzy that initial toe because he stepped out of line and demanded Blackbeard; it’s likely that additional toes were the victims of Izzy not being obedient. (I’m not saying this is right or that it’s cool to feed people body parts when they disobey, btw. I hope that doesn’t need to be said.)

“The first two episodes of season two set up the cycle of abuse so well, but the show never follows through. It doesn’t even acknowledge that it set up that storyline. If they’d wanted to end the season on a happy note without spending a lot of time fixing Ed’s relationship with the crew, they could have just made Ed’s behavior in the first two episodes less dark and abusive.”

Counterpoint: Ed’s behavior in the first two episodes isn’t abusive. It’s a bit over the top and it hurts people, yeah, but Ed’s definitely not following in his abusive father’s footsteps and systematically abusing his crew.

“Season two gives us straight up abuse. It gives us Stede, still soft around the edges, being deliberately headbutted during their reunion.”

Counterpoint: There is no abuse between Ed and Stede. The headbutt was not a case of a violent person intentionally hitting their passive partner; it was a confused, unwell, and nonverbal man reacting to the presence of someone who hurt him. Also? Stede has no problem setting boundaries or speaking out. Good for him!

“As bad as the season finale was, I’m glad the crew’s safe from Ed. Now that Izzy isn’t there to protect them, any little trigger could set Ed off and lead to him hurting them. Stede, though… Stede’s stuck with Ed and the corpse of Ed’s last victim, and it’s only a matter of time before Ed destroys him too.”

Counterpoint: This take is so far removed from the text of the show that I don’t know how to address it quickly, but here we go: Ed is not a threat to the crew after episode two, Izzy did not protect the crew from Ed’s moods, Ed does not have a hair-trigger temper, Izzy is not Ed’s victim, and -- vitally -- Stede is in absolutely no danger. Ed is not destined to be an abusive partner in season three.

And an overriding counterpoint to everything is this: Our Flag Means Death is a comedy with tons of over-the-top violence. If your theory is unrelentingly grim or looks at violence and its consequences in a real-world light, consider stepping back and remembering what genre the events of the show are happening in. If you think that only the violence committed by the indigenous lead is abuse, look at the actions of the other characters and ask yourself why Ed doesn’t get the same grace you’ve granted the others.

With that quick and dirty rundown of the arguments I’ve seen, let’s move on to the next important step in building an argument: definitions.

What is abuse in the real world?

In the real world, abuse is extremely serious and not something to be taken lightly. But what is abuse? We can’t say much about it in any world without knowing what it is in ours, so here’s a simple explanation:

Abuse “includes [a pattern of] behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate, or control a partner or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to. This can happen through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or financial control.” (1)

“Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten someone. These behaviors are often more subtle and hard to identify but are just as serious as other types of abuse.” (2)

It’s important to emphasize that not all purposeful harm to another person, physical or otherwise, is abuse. “What abuse really means is control. When a truly abusive situation exists, it’s because one party is seeking to control the other through abuse.” (2)

To summarize, abuse is a pattern of behavior that involves one person intentionally harming another. That harm is meant to control, and it can take on more forms than just physical.

That said, I’m mostly concerned with physical abuse here, as that’s the only kind that I’ve ever seen discussed in relation to Ed. Going into mental and emotional abuse will involve talking more about a specific non-Ed character and I don’t want to go there. Possibly ever.

In our world, all abuse is terrible. Vitally, our world -- and this is very important, so underline it twice if you’re taking notes -- does not operate by the rules of a pirate rom-com.

Okay, so what is abuse in the silly pirate world of Our Flag Means Death?

First, we have to understand what the show is. @piratecaptainscaptainpirates lays it out nicely:

“1. This is a rom-com.The central romance between Ed and Stede and comedy are therefore the two most core parts of the show, with Ed and Stede's romance taking priority over everything else. That's not to say OFMD doesn't have dark themes, it absolutely does; it's to say that comedy is always important to how the show is written, acted, and filmed.

“2. This is not a subtle show. That's not to say it's a simple one [...]. It's amazingly layered and emotional responses by characters are often extremely complex. However, when the show is trying to tell you something, it's not subtle and it never tries to hide it.” (3)

Did you jot that down? Our Flag Means Death is a romantic comedy with one core romantic couple, Ed and Stede, whose story takes priority over everything else. It can be dark, it can be serious, but it is, at its core, a comedy, and not a subtle one at that.

Some things are just funny and that’s it.

As a rule, the most obvious reading is going to be the one to go with. The show’s meanings aren’t hidden under layers of red herrings and subtext; if you’re compelled to bring out the conspiracy corkboard, you’re probably in too deep.

But this isn’t just a rom-com: it’s a pirate rom-com, and that comes with gratuitous violence. Here’s a short, fun list of examples of things that we can consider canon-typical pirate violence:

Tying hostages to the mast and letting them cook a bit

Wanton murder during a raid (“Note the gusto!”)

Pirate A threatening his crush at gunpoint until Pirate B gutstabs him

Whippies and yardies

Cutting off toes and feeding them to people “for a laugh”

Pirates who are madly in love stabbing and poisoning each other

Literally any violence directed at a racist (this violence is, in fact, good and encouraged)

There’s also the pirate-typical killing of other pirates. Duels don’t seem entirely unusual, and Izzy outright tries to get Stede killed at several points in season one. When Chauncey Badminton and the English navy show up after being summoned by Izzy, Stede’s life isn’t the only one on the line; the rest of the crew is also put in potentially life-threatening danger. Izzy is forgiven, so I think it’s safe to say that attempted murder is the kind of thing that pirates typically move on from. Eventually. If the attempted murderer is pathetic enough.

In short, Our Flag Means Death has a lot of violence, and very few instances of violence (looking at you, Hornigold) are treated as anything other than socially acceptable. But do you know what’s really important in the show?

Feelings.

The way characters feel as a result of something is given an immense amount of weight. All of the show’s subtleties are in the realms of the mental and the emotional, and that’s where the real pain is too.

Nigel Badminton’s death was bad because it was emotionally and mentally devastating for Stede. Ed’s father’s murder was bad because it hurt him and forced him to create a monstrous alter ego to cope. Both of those men -- Nigel and Father Teach -- are totally acceptable casualties; their deaths would be net positives if they hadn’t had such strong impacts on our leads.

Feelings are everything in Our Flag Means Death, and the feelings of our leads are the heart of the show. That’s where the story is; that’s where the complexity and ambiguity is.

So what is abuse in this context? The casual treatment of physical violence and the seriousness of emotional distress tell us to adjust our own moral judgments accordingly. Physical violence is everyday, straightforward, and often comedic; emotional violence is devastating and complicated. Physical violence is cartoonish and, half the time, part of a punchline. Emotional violence is real and raw and not a joking matter. Attempted murder can be shrugged off; ditching your boyfriend after experiencing a traumatic event is more complicated.

When we ask ourselves if something in OFMD is abuse, we have to consider the act in the context of a rom-com that’s all about the feelings of two guys, set against the violent backdrop of piracy, and absolutely packed with people getting maimed and murdered in casual, comedic ways.

Awesome! Now we’re a little clearer about definitions and genre and how we should adjust our expectations! Unfortunately, we haven’t jumped into the real meat of whatever the hell this essay is…

Is Ed abusive in the context of the show?

No.

Aaaand we’re done!

Joking, joking. Obviously I’m going to pick out the examples of “abuse” that people cite and discuss each one, but first: we need to talk about Ed, violence, and anger.

Ed is not a violent person. He’s not full of rage that’s threatening to erupt at all times, and he’s not some kind of sadist that revels in hurting people. The violence of Blackbeard is a fuckery: the theater of fear, an illusion of cruelty calculated to terrify enemies into surrendering.

Ed has his whole thing with murder that's rooted in childhood trauma. Killing his (canonically, decidedly) abusive father to protect his mother scars him so badly that he distances himself from the situation -- blames Father Teach’s death on the Kraken -- and can’t bring himself to directly kill anyone else after that. Blackbeard orders murders and causes deaths and maims and maintains his image as a bloodthirsty murderer, but Ed doesn’t do “the big job” himself until the end of season two. When Stede’s life is in the balance, Ed can kill to protect him.

Edward Teach kills only to protect.

But that’s killing, and we’re talking about general violence. Ed is casual about the day-to-day violence of piracy. He participates in it, incites it, and doesn’t feel bad about it. No one does! It’s part of the job!

That leaves us with the "anger problem." Ed is frequently characterized as an angry person who lashes out when enraged, and I don’t think that canon at all supports this interpretation. Ed gets mad, yes, but his anger is always at least understandable. It isn’t a constant, simmering thing that turns him into an abusive monster when he’s triggered. He doesn't always deal with his anger (or any of his other feelings) in a good and constructive way because both of our leads lack emotional maturity, but I think it's a mistake to characterize him as an angry person.

Hopefully I can elaborate on this idea -- the idea that Ed is only violent and angry in a normal and canon-appropriate way, and anger is by no means one of his defining characteristics -- by doing a run-down of all of the times Ed is accused of being abusive or showing signs of being an abuser.

Sooooo...

Ed loses his shit on a falling snake during his nature adventure with Stede (S1E7). In this scene, he’s embarrassed about the whole treasure hunt thing and annoyed by the very existence of nature. He is not relaxed. When nature takes him by surprise by falling on him, he stabs the crap out of it in a scene that is played for comedy. There’s the important part: this is comedy. Ed is grumpy and his childish tantrum is harmless and silly. It isn’t a red flag. Overreacting while irritated isn’t an indicator that someone will be abusive.

Ed punches Izzy after the English have taken the Revenge, captured Stede, and turned Ed over to Izzy (S1E9). Honestly, I think the fact that Ed lets Izzy talk before punching him demonstrates a great deal of restraint on his part! This is justified anger and fear for Stede’s life. This also isn’t some sign that Ed hits Izzy on the regular.

In his post-pillow fort era, Ed is cleaning up his cabin when that one highly contentious Izzy scene happens (S1E10). Izzy insults Ed, tells him that he’d be better off dead than as he currently is, and says that he serves only Blackbeard (Ed better watch his fucking step). Ed reacts by grabbing Izzy by the throat and telling him to choose his next words carefully. This, in my opinion, is a valid way for a pirate captain to react to insubordination. At the very least, it doesn't tell us that Ed is Izzy's abuser; there's no indication that this isn't a one-off provocation and reaction.

Which takes us to The Toe Scene.

In real life, it would be extremely fucked up for a boss to remove an employee’s toe and make him eat it. OFMD is not real life. One episode earlier, Ed was talking about the life he was glad to leave behind -- the life where The Toe Thing was done “for a laugh.” Not as punishment, but for fun. It’s set up as something that’s gross (“yuck”), not a grave punishment. When Ed feeds Izzy his toe, he gives Izzy what be asked for: he gives him a violent captain. He gives him Blackbeard. He gives him the guy who fed people toes for fun.

But what’s important here is that Ed is not having fun. He’s having a hell of a lot less fun than Izzy is, going by their expressions in the scene. This isn’t who he wants to be, but after having the possibility of a better life snatched away, Ed throws himself back into the sure thing. He becomes the Kraken -- the captain Izzy wants, the violent monster that Ed thinks he is and tries to distance himself from, and the only thing Ed thinks he can be. It’s sad. It’s desperation, not anger and abuse.

In the second season, Ed headbutts Stede after he’s revived from his coma/death (S2E4). In the next scene, Stede is holding a cold steak to his face and calling it an accident. Roach says “that’s what they all say” -- a line that alludes to domestic violence. The thing is? It’s not, and the crew has expectations of Ed that Stede doesn’t.

Ed is freshly out of a coma (or newly alive). He’s nonverbal. His brain is, medically speaking, couscous. He still has one foot in the gravy basket. When he sees the man who left him hovering over him -- the man he loves, the man who just appeared to him as a mermaid -- he tries to say something then, when that fails, resorts to a headbutt. This is a single violent action perpetrated by a confused and hurt man who doesn’t know what to do with all of his feelings. He can't talk. He can't push Stede away.

Stede understands all of this, even if the other characters don’t. He sees the headbutt for what it is: a bit of a bitchy move. He isn’t afraid of Ed. He never is.

Stede also isn’t afraid of Ed when he acts out later that episode (S2E4). When Ed learns that Stede went back to Mary, he excuses himself from the dinner table, smashes a chair against the wall, and knocks a vase to the ground. In this entire episode (this entire season, tbh), Ed is having intense feelings that he doesn’t know how to express or work through; the reveal that Stede returned to his wife is the final straw. He takes his tangled feelings out on an acceptable target (a chair, a vase) instead of Stede because he doesn’t want to hurt Stede.

This looks a little like displacement -- when “an unacceptable feeling or thought about a person, place or thing is redirected towards a safer target.” Displacement is an “intermediate level coping mechanism.” That is, it’s more sophisticated than the ways children deal with intense issues, but it’s still not entirely mature. In an adult, it indicates a level of emotional immaturity. (4) Ed is emotionally immature, not inherently violent. He gets overwhelmed by his feelings and lashes out -- not at a person, but at something that can’t get hurt.

Displacement is not an indicator that someone is an abuser. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s an attempt at emotional regulation. It’s not the best coping mechanism, but it’s definitely not a sign that someone is going to go into a rage and assault people.

Stede cringes when Ed smashes the chair and sends the vase crashing to the ground, but he’s not afraid of Ed. He is never afraid of Ed because he knows that Ed isn’t a real threat to him. He cringes because sometimes that's what a person does when a loud thing happens. That's what people do when chair shrapnel starts flying. Also? It's kind of embarrassing behavior on Ed's part. They're guests enjoying a mediocre dinner! That's no way to act!

And this leaves us with the first two episodes of season two, which are an absolute mess.

Ed is fully in his Kraken era. He has no hope that Stede will return, he no longer trusts the crew, and he feels trapped in a life he absolutely doesn’t want. He thinks that he has to perform Blackbeard until death sets him free. He sobs in his cabin when no one’s looking. Publicly, Ed fades into the role of remorseless and bloodthirsty pirate captain.

Needless to say, this makes for a shit work environment. Ed works the crew too hard. He drinks and does drugs and runs everyone ragged. He’s an absolutely terrible boss, but he isn’t abusive.

That isn’t to say that the crew left on the Revenge isn’t traumatized. They are! They’ve been thrown off balance by the sudden change for the worse in someone who was their friend, and they’re traumatized by the neverending violence that the constant raids -- raids that were bloody and deadly, not the fuckeries of the past -- demanded of them. They’re traumatized by that final night in the storm when Ed did everything in his power to goad them into killing him, almost murdering everyone in the process. They’re traumatized by their own attempt at murder.

In S2E4, Blackbeard’s crew has flashbacks to the violence they perpetrated under the Kraken: Jim fighting Archie, Fang breaking a man over his knee. They’re also haunted by guilt about what they did to Ed, as evidenced by their Lady Macbeth-style scrubbing. Their own violence is a significant part of their trauma in this episode.

No, that doesn’t absolve Ed. He drove the violence -- demanded it of both the crew and himself. He hurt other people because he was hurting, and that’s terrible.

Ed’s behavior in the first two episodes of season two is horrible, but he’s not abusive. Not all bad or violent behavior is abuse.

(We also have to ask ourselves just how bad Ed’s behavior really is. Archie, someone from the pirate world who has no idea what the Revenge was like pre-Kraken, tells Jim “that’s how these things usually go” at the height of Ed’s violence. She doesn’t act like she experienced anything out of the ordinary which is, if I may be honest, kind of worrying. But ultimately, whether or not Ed’s actions when he was at his worst are normal for pirates doesn’t matter a ton here.)

But what about Izzy, I’m sure you’re asking!

What about Izzy indeed. Ugh. Okay, let’s just… let’s walk through the first two episodes.

One of the first things we see Ed do in season two is shoot a man. At first this seems like the show telling us that Ed is embracing the kind of violence he couldn’t manage before, but if we pay attention, we can see that he’s still following his “not a murderer on a technicality” logic. The man he shoots has a sword through his chest; he's as good as dead. He also falls offscreen before Ed shoots, making the action less impactful.

OFMD is not subtle and this is a quick way to communicate what’s going on with Ed. He’s not doing well and he’s more violent than he was last season, but he’s still himself under the Kraken’s makeup. He hasn’t done a moral one-eighty. If the show wanted us to think that Ed's a monster, they would have made him a hell of a lot more violent.

So. Izzy.

Immediately after Ed tells Izzy that he’s replaceable in S2E1, we reach the scene that people point to and say, “That’s domestic violence!” This is where Izzy breaks down because he has just been told in no uncertain terms that he’s not Blackbeard’s special little guy. That’s devastating to him, and he cries when the crew shows him kindness.

Jim tells Izzy he’s in an unhealthy relationship with Blackbeard; Frenchie describes their relationship as “toxic.”

A toxic relationship is “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness." (5) And you know what? Yeah, Ed and Izzy definitely have a toxic relationship. Well-sussed, Frenchie! And is their relationship unhealthy? It sure is -- for both of them! But the crew is, understandably, more sympathetic towards Izzy because they’ve never been present when Izzy was hurting Ed.

(Only tangentially related, but the crew must have really liked Ed pre-Kraken. As far as they know, the man went dark with no warning or cause. They deal with his bullshit for approximately three months (assuming one raid a day), and he has to go so far before they put an end to him. Remember when they were ready to toss Izzy overboard after, like, twelve hours under his command?)

Even though they only have one side of the Izzy and Ed story, the crew isn’t accusing Ed of domestic abuse. The term doesn’t apply to the mutually fucked-up thing that Izzy and Ed have and, beyond that, the scene is played for laughs. Jim and Frenchie use comically modern language; the whole thing feels like an intervention for a stressed-out middle manager with a shitty boss. It's funny. It's a comical thing in a comedy show.

Moving on.

Izzy returns to Ed and tells him that the crew won’t throw treasure overboard to make room for more treasure. Ed says, “And that’s another toe.” Losing a toe is the penalty for failing the captain.

Which is more likely: that Ed cut off Izzy’s other toes on a cruel whim, or that Ed cut off Izzy’s toes after other perceived failures? I’m going for option two. It’s obviously not okay to punish an underling by taking toes, but we’ve already established that toe-removal isn’t a cruel and unusual pirate punishment. It’s done “for a laugh.”

(Specifically, toe-chopping is the cost of Izzy’s failure. Frenchie disobeys and lies to Ed in his short time as first mate and he doesn’t lose a single toe. Izzy bears the brunt of Ed’s cruelty because he’s the one who demanded it.)

This is not who Ed wants to be, but it’s who he thinks he has to be. It’s who Izzy told him to be.

Izzy makes the mistake of invoking Stede and Ed storms above deck. He holds the crew at gunpoint, one by one, and asks them if they think that the vibes on the ship are poisonous. No one gives him a positive answer and Ed turns the gun on himself. He works himself up until Izzy interrupts and the following exchange happens:

IZZY: “The atmosphere on this ship is fucked. Everyone knows why.” ED: “Well, I don’t. Enlighten me.” IZZY: “Your feelings for Stede fucking Bo--”

[Ed shoots Izzy in the leg. Ed steps over him on his way back to his cabin.]

ED: “Throw this shit overboard and get suited up.”

I don’t want to go into speculation about the true cause of the fucked up vibe on the Revenge (it’s clearly not just Ed’s feelings for Stede) or why, exactly, Ed shot Izzy. What’s important for this post is this: Ed's actions are not unusually cruel for a pirate captain who considers his first mate out of line. This is the kind of thing that the idea of Blackbeard that Izzy worships does to maintain his reputation.

Fang cries when Ed shoots Izzy because he knows Blackbeard. He has been with Blackbeard longer than anyone else, and this isn’t Blackbeard. Blackbeard doesn’t work his crew this hard. Blackbeard doesn’t disregard the deaths of long-time crewmates like Ivan. Blackbeard doesn’t shoot his own crew. Fang is off-balance and distraught because his captain of twenty years is acting far, far more cruel than the Blackbeard he knew.

This is not Ed as he usually is. Ed at his worst is breaking all of his past patterns. He’s behaving like a different person. His actions at this point in time are not typical of his past actions or predicative of his future actions.

When we reach S2E2, Ed is chipper. He’s cleaning up, he’s tying up loose ends, and he has decided that, no matter what, this is the day that he dies. He’s determined. First, he’ll give Izzy a crack at killing him; next is the storm, the destruction of the steering wheel, and taking increasingly desperate actions to get the crew to stop him. He tells Jim and Archie to fight to the death. He goes to blow the mast away with a cannon and doesn’t react as nameless crew members are being washed overboard.

Ed is stopped only by Izzy’s reappearance and the violent mutiny that follows.

None of what Ed does here is abuse. This is desperate violence. This is an unwell man begging everyone around him to send him to doggy heaven.

And finally, we have the big murder party in the season finale. A surprising number of fans interpret Ed’s willingness to cut down naval officers as a sure sign that he’s gotten worse and he’s more violent than ever. This is, in my opinion, a take that completely ignores everything we know about Ed and his relationship to violence.

I said it before, but it bears repeating: Edward Teach kills only to protect. He murdered his father to protect his mother. He mows down colonists for Stede. He kills for love, and by the end of season two, he has made some kind of peace with the Kraken and his own capacity for violence.

It’s sweet. Like, it wouldn’t be sweet in the real world, but in this world? In a world where physical violence is funny more often than it’s serious? In a world full of pirate characters who all have hefty body counts? It’s growth. It’s Ed healing.

Ed is doing better. He’s not a threat to the man he loves, and now he’s not a threat to himself either.

Anyway!

No, Ed is not abusive. No, there’s no indication that Ed will become abusive in the future.

“Okay, but many abuse survivors take issue with the irresponsible message that Jenkins is subtextually sending with Ed’s story!”

That’s fine. Take issue with things. Feel whatever you want to feel, but remember that abuse survivors are not a monolith. Consider, just for a moment, that the abuse you think you see in the show is not textual. Ask yourself if Ed is truly worse than all of the other characters or if you have some bias warping your view of him.

Finally: please keep in mind that I’m not trying to present The One True Interpretation. I’m just rolling all of my arguments and thoughts into one big ol' ball and throwing it out into the wild. You don’t have to agree with me but, if you don’t, I hope you’ll at least have a bit of a think.

If you read this and liked it, please consider validating me with a like! If you read it and didn’t like it, I’m sorry for wasting your time. If you skimmed the first part and decided to dismiss me as soon as I said I don’t think that Ed is abusive… idk, peace and love and goodbye.

#ofmd #ofmd meta #edward teach #long meta #like too fucking long #abuse #tw abuse #cw abuse #me typing things #fandom critical #kinda?

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scoobysnakz · 5 months

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heyy girl i think if u haven’t what abt u write a dbf miguel x reader ik i see so many but theyre so gd to read they get me so invested every time🤷🏽‍♀️

summary: you’ve just come home from college for christmas but there’s a stranger in your bedroom

a/n: dbf as in dads best friend or dad boy friend? 😭 i’d do either but for this i’ll do dads best friend bc… yh. also tysm for the request it means sm 😚😚😚 also I guess this is a fic now? Bc I kinda hate one shots bci can never cut down on lore and stuff.

❤️

You hadn’t realised how easily college had managed to seep its way into every aspect of your life, pulling you away from both your family and social life, until you came home for Christmas.

Everyone looks so different, your mum is more colourful and chirpy, your father is healthier and your brother is surprisingly mature. But what takes you most by surprise is the lack of silence that has taken them by storm. When you had come home for the summer most of your stay had been filled with an uncomfortable but unfortunately familiar silence following you around but now, you can’t shut them up.

The entirety of the drive home from the train station is full of chatter, and for once they include you. They seem so genuinely invested about you that you don't even question the randomness of their questions, ranging from the journey home and the local shops that surround your campus.

“I heard that there's one of those pretentious, hipster coffee places nearby,” your dad claims from the driver's seat, not bothering to look around at you.

“Vegan?” you offer dryly, unsure of it he knows you work there or not.

“That's it!” he clicks proudly, resulting in both you and your brother sharing a sigh.

Part of you hopes that it’s because of you; that maybe they realised how much they loved you while you were gone and now feel overjoyed at your return. There’s a feeling of doubt floating around in your mind, telling you that this is just a random occurrence, but you push it to the side, wanting to focus on the positive and unrealistic.

***

Your brother helps you lug your suitcase into the house claiming, ‘It’s the least I can do’ which is surreal coming from someone who hasn’t written to you the entirety of your time away. You hand him your antler clifton all the same, glad you didn't have to carry it across the drive as well as up the stairs.

The warmth from the house welcomes you in, the softness of the heated air a stark difference from the harsh bitterness from outside. The sweet smell of cinnamon and gingerbread candles lures you in so soothingly that you don't even notice the extra pair of shoes neatly paired together with the rest by the front door.

“I'll leave it here,” your brother mutters before sliding across the floorboards towards the living room on the heels of his feet- not as mature as you presumed. You smile half-heartedly with a small nod, jealous of how easily he can dismiss himself.

And suddenly you’re alone again, left to your own devices as your parents go start dinner and your brother now yelling into his mic from the living room. It hurts slightly, moments ago they were all over you, so invested in you and your life that you forgot what they're truly like. It's the way it always been and you're a fool for thinking otherwise.

You scold yourself for being so naive as to believe that they'd changed, that they weren't as self-absorbed as they used to be, before pulling yourself away from your sea of negative thoughts.

You stare at your suitcase, bright white light shining on it from the lamp hanging above your head, and decide to leave it there, too tired to carry it upstairs to your room.

The steps creak under your weight as you slouch up the stairs, one hand idly dragging across the chipped bannister. You can't count how many times your dad’s tried to repaint it, how much money he's spent on overpriced glosses and varnishes, how many hours he's spent sanding the thing down.

As you cross the landing, thick carpet dampening the sound of your steps, you the bathroom door left ajar and the soft heat emanating from it. Which is… weird because both your parents and your brother are downstairs. But you shrug it off, too fed up to care, and drag yourself over to your bedroom, head drooping downwards with fatigue.

Casually, you push your door open, expecting the room to be empty and your bed freshly made as it often is when you come home for the holidays. Except it isn't.

Soft jazz music hums throughout the room, playing from a speaker you can't quite place, and the smell of an intoxicatingly strong aftershave clings to the air. Your walls are still decorated with the wallpaper you had when you left but it's covered in various posters. Some are boring and presumably scientific based on the array of symbols, whereas others are insanely niche but you don't really put too much effort into trying to understand them- you're too distracted by the man standing in the middle of your room, half naked and dripping with water.

He's tall, intimidatingly so, but the soft dimples that form in his cheeks as he smiles down at you soothe your nerves- slightly.

“Hey,” he grins down at you, head now cocked to the side and pats his ear causing water droplets to drip onto your carpeted floor.

You blink at him, completely dumbstruck and unsure of what to do. “What the fuck?” you breathe shakily, palms clamming up as your brain desperately flickers between arousal and fear.

The man’s brow furrows at your anxious tone and his smile falters slightly. “I think I should be the one cursing here,” he jests, tone annoyingly light, “you’ve just walked into my room without knocking or anything.”

“You're room?” you scoff, arms folding across your chest. “You're the stranger here, not me.”

He grins at your attitude, those dimples presenting themselves again. “I’m offended, has it been that long since you've last seen me?” he questions, large hand splayed across his chest feigning offence.

You pause for a moment and let your gaze scan him for a moment. He looks familiar, dark slicked back hair and mahogany eyes that are simultaneously scrutinizing and sympathetic.

“A la mierda, querida, have you really forgotten me?” he teases.

And then it clicks. You feel so embarrassed now, for not recognising him. Miguel, your dad’s best friend who you haven't seen for years, is finally visiting again.

He does look different now, though. He's still tall and his face is as chiselled as ever, though there are creases in his skin from when he's smiled too often or squinted too hard at the sun, but he's bulked up a considerable amount. His biceps look bigger than your thighs, tensing and relaxing with every slight movement and shining with the shower water in the yellow light of the evening sun. In fact, his entire body is covered in muscles, and what you can see of his lower half is toned, covered in dark tufts of hair, yes, but the curvature of each muscle is still visible.

He clears his throat and you realise that you’ve been staring longer than intended, shame burning hot on your neck.

“Sorry,” you mutter, “about not recognising you.”

He shrugs off your apology, which irks you slightly but you push past it, and smile once again. “I look different, old age is catching up on me.”

That's definitely what's different.

> next

#atsv miguel #miguel o'hara #miguel spiderman #miguel spiderverse #spider man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #miguel x reader #miguel x you #miguel au #dilf miguel #older Miguel

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meanbossart · 5 days

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Ask Compilation: Advice, influences and Misc.

Apologies for taking so long on some of these, admittedly I'm much more likely to entirely forget about asks that are about me and my interests 💃 Thank you for all the questions regardless! And thank you specially to everyone who just drops nice messages into my inbox out of kindness.

I'm brazillian and a native portuguese speaker!

I'll probably return to twitter eventually, but a) I hate that place and b) It didn't make much sense to me to turn it into a BG3 account out of the blue. I am considering making an Instagram or a new twitter just to have more places where people can follow in case they don't care for tumblr, but it's just been a very busy year so far and so that's kind of low on the list of priorities. If I ever do that I'll be sure to announce it here. Have a nice day yourself!

Sorry to hear that! I've gotten a few messages before about this issue, and the problem is that since I am myself not from the US, my options are also limited :( a lot of patreon alternatives don't work for me because they either don't go through paypal, take insane currency conversion fees, or just straight up block me from signing up.

Speak for yourself, I just assume everyone I speak to online has committed some sort of atrocious crime until proven otherwise. Except for me - of course. I have never done anything bad in my life.

I still have a lot to learn! But I will basically use whatever works for me at the moment, as well as make a sincere effort to learn about musculature and anatomy so I can understand those components and how they move, instead of only knowing what they look like when still - that's how you get better at drawing from memory. Volume mostly comes from coloring and understanding light, which is it's own beast but can very much be learned from similar reference materials and observing it IRL!

My favorite places to get reference are medical diagrams, weird pictures I take of myself, 3D software (often Virt-a-mate) and questionably phrased image google searches.

My favorite artists are Jason Shawn Alexander and Sean Murphy, but I'm not sure how much of it reflects in my art nowadays! I generally seek to pick up techniques from artists rather than to emulate style.

Honestly I love that you guys generally do the thing he would hate the most: take him very non-seriously LOL

I've been in a real Chelsea Wolfe and Amyl And The Sniffers kick lately! But usually you'll also find me listening to stuff like Boy Harsher, Swans, FWF, JK Flesh Lingua Ignota, Nick Cave, David Bowie, and so on. Music for the weird gays, basically.

I went insane and wrote a 23-chapter-long-and-still-ongoing fic in like four months. But also - I'm not that good, I'm just shamelessly pretentious LOL

Hm. That's a good question, but I'm not really sure. Sincerely not trying to be a edgier-than-thou here (in fact, this has made me a little self conscious at one time or another) but a lot of art that I don't mean to be horror-y in nature at all has been associated with the genre. So perhaps I don't know what I'm doing either, LOL.

I think just leaning on making things look slightly "wrong" or "ugly" on purpose is the way, but I also find that if you just seek to depict people as they are instead of idealized versions of themselves, you will arrive at that either way.

Thank you for reading! Honestly, I'm guilty of having not read much at all since I was in my late teens, and the style I'm employing for ANE is very different from the things I would call "influential" for me, or even that I used to enjoy reading at all before. I read a lot of Chuck Palahniuk as a youth (and, no slight to people who do like him still, but nowadays I'm not sure why I ever did. His stories don't speak to me at all anymore) as well a lot of weird experimental lit that I didn't even care to remember the name of. My last book stint from one or two years ago was composed solely of historical and medical literature, and last year I got really into Cormac Mcarthy thanks to the internet.

So, all in all, I'm absolutely all over the place LOL if you put a gun to my head and told me to list my favorite books, I'd say The Indifferent Stars Above and Blood Meridian.

(Consider the reading portion of the question to have been answered above) I really really liked Beau is Afraid and think it's a really great "horror" movie. Sue me.

#ask compilation #ask

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gwaaaaar · 4 months

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breaking my silence...

whoever told me the second half of death note was trash... YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONGGGGGG 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 MELLO AND NEAR ARE WORTHY SUCCESSORS TO L YOURE JUST A STAN!!!!

near... sweet jesus baby they didnt deserve you !!! I was so pleasantly surprised to see how distinct he was despite people calling him "white haired L". LIKE hes a lot more cautious than L but isn't above being a sarcastic little shit and actively causing problems... i read a fan translation and he uses a lot of cuss words to refer to certain people he dislikes. I dont know if thats in the official translation as well but i do like the visual of this 7 yo saying "asshole" and "dickhead". I know hes 17-18 and this is average teenage behavior but gah hes so cute and moe and make little "vrooooom" noises when playing with his toys... 🥺 cant help but stan. Hes in his zone unbothered...

AND THE FACT HE CHALLENGES LIGHT IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE SO BLATANTLY... no mind games no time for light to make his next move just fuck it we ball. Also very fond of the scene where he drops hundred dollar bills off the SPK building. He's unpredictable just like Mello is but in a different way and its fascinating i love this guy. Also enjoy the fact that his flavor of justice is that he doesnt really have one hes just doing his job. The verbal beatdown he does at the end about how lights just a crazy serial killer... GET HIS ASS NEAR !!! Hes not pretentious and its just... its just good you know? L wasn't very pretentious but he does call himself justice sometimes and stuff along the like(?) Near drops all pretense... cant help but stan

Also really fond that he actually likes mello its just mello doesnt like him... I know canon never explicitly states their relationship with each other, like if its a brotherly relationship or not (altho isnt there some cain and abel parallels??? Not sure). But i really do see a siblinglike relationship between the two. Canon doesnt really put any angst on their relationship bc near doesnt care lolol, but the two do remind me of certain siblings that have a strained relationship because of the pressure put on one of them (or on both. Again fuck wammys house all my homies hate wammys AND WATARI!!! ME WHEN I GET YOU!!!) I really would love to see the two interact... and maybe just be happy by each other/pl. Because god it really terrible to see how much mello hates near and its not even nears fault :,). AND FUCK THE CHOCOLATE BAR HE EATS AT THE END TO HONOR MELLO???? STOPPPP IM GONNA CRY... near the man that you are... they dont deserve you baby...

And smello... mello mello mello... I've heard more positive things about him compared to near bc hes more "interesting" and i can see why people take that angle BUT. God they still undersell him so much??? I feel like hes one of the few characters to have a goal besides catching Kira (or not getting caught) because of his inferiority complex. I do not mean to undersell any of the other characters when i say this because theyre all very complex! They all have their driving goals and the like. Its just that i argue that Mello's is more persistent and that it is not centered around the conflict but rather himself. Even if he caught Kira perhaps he would still never be happy with himself because Near is always "going to be better" because of the shit he went through in wammys. Theres a whole discussion to be had abt the ethics of wammys house... but ill save that for another post wwww.

Mello is also someone that isnt pretentious about his idea of justice bc hes a fucking criminal. (BTW i love the two opposing sides of the successors... one that tries falling within the law but still doesnt give a shit and the other that doesnt give any shits at all and eventually helps the law.) And its so... I LOVE YOU RUTHLESS CHARACTERS I LOVE YOU CHARACTERS THAT STOP AT NOTHING TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

And the thing is ... Mello does have his own sense of justice because its not as if he sacrifices innocent bystanders to get what he wants he just does what is necessary. LIKE ofc its fucked up that he kidnapped sayu (and traumatized her...), takada (and the stripping... but at least she got a blanket:,) honestly tho id blame that on the misogyny of the authors) and the director of the police im not about to be a mello apologist (yes i am/j). But a. He probably knew no one was going to get hurt in the first place because hes just that damn confident. b. His remorse for matt and soichiros deaths show that he doesnt intend on sacrificing anyone and when things go astray it saddens him a little. And c. THE FACT HE PROBABLY KNEW HE WAS GONNA DIE AND STILL SACRIFICED HIMSELF TO HELP NEAR... near would "win" but mello prioritized putting kira behind bars and while i cant guess his motive, from my end it does seem like in extension he prioritized doing the right thing, which would be to sacrifice his life and pride to help near get the final piece to catch mikami... wow what a man im so deathly ill

After typing all this, i must say... is L really as complex as years of DN fans have said?? I think im about to get crucified for this opinion, but legitimately is he??? I think he is complex most certainly just... maybe not as much as others have said... i might just be missing details about his past + lore from external media so maybe thats why i have this opinion. But i feel like the successors *are* toe to toe with him despite their split screen time... idk tho :3 this is just my thoughts meow

#death note #death note mello #death note near #l lawliet #Mello #Near #mihael keehl #nate river #Feel free to beat me with hammers in the comments meow

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paganwitchisis · 2 months

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A Chance Encounter

Rated - Explicit. RATED 18 PLUS

Relationship - Tav (Female AFAB)/Astarion

Trigger Warnings/ Warnings of sexual content and Violence- Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Child Abuse, Abuse, Physical, Mental and Emotional/Verbal Abuse. Asked to cancel themself mentioned, graphic depictions of violence, Smut, P in V Smut, Dead Dove (For the Violence/abuse depictions), Panic Attacks, Love

Word Count : 13.6k (It is a longer one!)

Check it out on AO3 -A Chance Encounter AO3

Summary: What if 1 year after beating the Netherbrain, established spawn Astarion and (AFAB) Female Tav roam the Sword Coast and run into a complication? Instead of being heroes, they accidentally find Tav’s abusive parents? This becomes a hard situation for Tav, and Astarion has to help her through it. Bonus! Add to this a greedy god getting involved and a deal being attempted against our favorite couple? Astarion has his hands full, but there will be a happy ending! Heed the tags for trigger warnings.

Note: I have a master list pined to my page and other Baldur's gate work. This was made as a trauma dump for coping so it is based on real life stuff. it is my worst work yet in my opinion but I wanted to share it. I have 23 stories in progress and in different degrees of progress. This is intended as a one shot but can be changed if there is support for more.

Story: The past year after defeating the Netherbrain has been almost a dream. After finding the Sunwalker’s Ring almost three months ago, Astarion and Tav have been enjoying everything that life has had to offer in the sun. The couple has done everything together since setting off together from Baldur’s Gate. They have taken on missions together and spent long nights tangled together under the stars. Astarion has been enjoying what freedom has truly been like, but occasionally he would wake to his lover having nightmares and terrors in the night. It was in these moments he wished he had the tadpole again. Tav was always there for him, and although the hold Cazador has had on him was dissipating, it was still there. Astarion wanted to return the favor that Tav had given him. The problem was, Tav was still struggling with something unseen and she still wasn’t comfortable discussing what was wrong. Of course, Astarion was sure if he asked she would say something, but Astarion didn’t want to do that. Astarion wanted to let her talk to him on her terms. In the mean time, he would support her the best he could. He suspected it had something to do with the scars on her body that she refused to discuss, The same scars he worshiped when they made love. It was the only thing that made sense, considering what she said during her nightmares.

“We’re near Evereska. You think we can stop there for a break? I’d love to get a hot bath, Astarion. Just a break, then we can keep going.” Tav asked Astarion who broke from his thoughts to consider his half elven lover’s request.

“I’d love to give us a room at a tavern, darling, but isn't that the pretentious city that only lets…certain people in?” Astarion replied worriedly. The history of Evereska is a well known thing to most elves. They snub their nose at anyone who isn't a pure blooded high elf and follows strict customs.” Astarion might be able to get in but Tav…

“I thought that through! They will let me in.” Tav smiled brightly but Astarion was confused how and why they would do such a thing. “ I never pull the title but they will let me in temporarily for the hero of Baldur’s Gate”

“You think that will work? I mean…they could easily not care.”

“Only one way to find out. We’re not far.” Tav rationalized as she drew close to Astarion and looped her arms around his neck. Astarion wrapped his arms around her waist and replied.

“Alright. If that’s what you want. We’ll try it but only for a night. I don’t want to stay there longer than we need to. However I’d be happy to give you a wonderful bath, my sweet.” Astarion gave her a lewd smile. Tav replied with a smile of her own before kissing him deeply. Astarion wasted no time moving his hands to Tav’s backside and gripping her ass cheeks while his tongue delved inside her mouth. Tav couldn’t help the moan that escaped her.

“Later, my love. Tonight, I’ll make you scream.” Astarion murmured against her lips as he pulled away.

It only took an hour to get to the heavily guarded gate that surrounded the border of Evereska. The city was magnificent even without entering. It was clean, surrounded by forests and elegant. When the couple approached the doors to the border, the guard held up his hand for them to stop.

“State your business” He called out. Tav noted he was in generic heavy armor and wielded a great sword.

“We’re the heroes of Baldur’s gate looking for a place to stay for one night only. We have no intention of interacting with anyone or anything beyond a room, some food and a bath before setting off to continue helping those on the Sword Coast. We respectfully request a special exception due to our services against the armies of the Absolute and Netherbrain. The Mindflayer invasion would have spread beyond Baldur’s Gate had we not intervened.” Astarion pleaded their case and Tav merely looked in awe at her lover. She was reminded how much of a silver tongue he had as he stared down the guard and reminded them that they, too, would have been in danger if they did not do something about the threat.

“What are your names?” The guard asked.

“Tav Elleth and Astarion Ancunin.” Astarion answered and noticed the guard quickly looked at Tav and looked surprised. Astarion wondered why this guard reacted this way and drew close to his lover.

“One…one moment.” The guard stuttered and left while the other guard eyed the couple wearily.

“How in the world did you two beat an army?” The remaining guard asked out of curiosity.

“It’s complicated….we had to kill a devil, to get a hammer, to free a Githyanki prince, to control a Netherese crown after defeating a dragon and killing a giant brain, and evading or killing their minions…Oh, and killing the chosen three of the gods of death and such.” Tav was listing everything while counting it off on her fingers. “Like I said. Complicated. It took months and started off in a grove not far from Baldur’s Gate.”

The guard looked stunned, and Astarion could do nothing but chuckle. In the meantime the guard had returned and opened the gate.

“You may enter, but you are only permitted to remain for a week. We are aware you said you wished to stay one day but in case anything…comes up, we permitted you both a week. Stay beyond that and you will be considered enemies of the city. The tavern is north in the city. It is called The Hearth. You can’t miss it.” The guard explained. As the couple entered the city, Astarion was highly suspicious as to the reasoning and his gut was telling him to leave and take Tav with him. Something seemed off.

Tav and Astarion made their way inside and Astarion held his lover’s hand. His lover was normally a strong, independent and wonderfully powerful woman, but when they walked up the path and made their way to the tavern, they ran into a couple on the path, and this was the moment that things began to change.

Astarion didn’t think much of them at first. The man was larger than a usual elf and had a strong demeanor. He seemed like someone you didn’t want to cross, maybe a fighter, potentially? He had large arms and legs, fairly muscular and was capable looking. The man had a resting face that looked angry. The woman looked upset. She looked thin but agitated. She seemed like a normal elf in other regards, but what struck Astarion the most was how the man looked so much like his lover. It couldn’t be though…could it? Astarion never did talk to his lover about her parentage though except to know that her mother passed after her birth and her father remarried. Astarion stopped walking when Tav abruptly stopped after seeing the couple before her. He could hear her heartbeat speed up and hear her essentially go into a panic. Astarion squeezed her hand to remind her he was still there but she didn’t respond. Astarion was very concerned at this point.

“There you are. The guard said you were here but I couldn’t believe it.” The man said. “I heard you wanted to go to the tavern. Is that true?”

Then, in a meek voice Astarion had never heard come from his lover, she replied “Yes.” as she looked at the floor. If she could shrink down, she would. Astarion wanted to growl, wanted to grab her and leave. Something was wrong.

“That won’t do. You will come home.” The man looks finally at Astarion. “ Who the fuck is this?”

“This is Astarion Ancunin. He is my…” Tav looks at Astarion pleadingly. “…Husband.”

Astarion understood without the use of the tadpoles. Whoever these people were, she had to make them believe they were married rather than otherwise. Astarion didn’t mind. Not really. What he did mind was who these people were and why she was acting different all of a sudden.

“Tav, darling, would you mind introducing me?” Astarion asked nicely which seemed to make Tav more anxious.

“Yes, honey. I didn’t expect to find my parents here, so forgive my manners. This is my father, Aias Elleth, and my step-mother Saida Elleth. Mother, father, This is my husband and love. Astarion Ancunin. He is a fellow adventurer who helped me save Baldur’s Gate last year.”

Astarion noted the man didn’t seem too pleased with the moniker of husband nor did he seem too pleased with his daughter’s accomplishment of being a hero for Baldur’s gate.

“Fine. Come with us. You will stay with us the week at least and then we will discuss further. You will regard our rules.” The man was speaking as he walked along the path away from the tavern. “You may share a room, but that is it. No sex. Bathing and changing clothes you both will be separate. I will not invite temptation in our home. Do we have an understanding?”

“Yes, dad.” Tav replied right away when Astarion wanted to protest.

“Tav, honey. I thought we were going to the Tavern? We only planned to stay one night. Not that I don’t appreciate the generosity, We just had prior plans.”

“Either you stay with us or you don’t stay in the city.” Aias said as he interrupted their conversation. By now, they finally arrived at their location. A large and beautiful house stood before them with manicured grass and well paved walkways. The house had maybe 2 or 3 floors and was white with a wonderful trim. It was obvious they came from money.

“Do you both have children?” Aias asked out of nowhere, which was surprising, yet at the same time it wasn’t. Elves were notorious for having a difficult time procreating.

“Er…no. We haven't been….blessed with children yet.” Astarion replied as they entered the dwelling. Aias gave a cold stare to Tav and commented.

“I trust you can find your room. 3rd floor, your leftover belongings were moved there already. You have half an hour before dinner to get ready.” Aias instructed before they disappeared inside the house. Tav grabbed Astarion’s hand and bee-lined for a room on the third floor and closed the door. It was a basic room with a queen sized bed. Astarion wondered how Tav knew this was her room out of all of them. Basic furniture but nothing that would indicate anyone ever lived there before let alone a guest room or Tav’s old room. She closed the door and Astarion noticed the lock was broken off the back of the door, as if by force.

“We don’t have much time. I need to talk to you.” Tav said in a panic.

“What’s wrong, love?” Astarion asked

“I don’t know where to start. I wish I could just show you. Gods, I miss that damn tadpole.” Astarion drew her into his arms and hugged her close. This did little to alleviate the panic or tension within the woman but she appreciated it none the less.

“Should we be getting dressed in the mean time? Or getting ready for battle?”

“Let’s get ready for dinner. I don’t know what they want, or if they changed. But I can tell you as we get situated.”

“I thought we couldn’t get changed according to his rules?” Astarion joked.

“I’m not listening to those rules. I love you, Astarion. I need your touch. I want to see you and be with you as much as you want me…even if….”Tav began to shake slightly at some thought that Astarion could not see. Astarion held her tighter and leaned down. Astarion kissed her lightly and was not expecting Tav to push back on his lips and request to deepen the kiss. Astarion complied and deepened it, but only briefly, as they needed to talk and get dressed before their time was up.

Tav began changing soon after pulling away from her lover’s lips, Astarion following suit.

“I had to call you my husband for my father to let you be in the room with me. I hope that is okay.” Tav went looking for something in the bag. “Ah! There it is! Here, put this on your left ring finger…assuming you’re okay with the ruse.”

Astarion noticed it was the lover’s ring they found in the Shadow-Cursed Lands over a year ago. He didn’t know she still had them. Astarion put the ring on and kissed her again. “I’m okay with it being real as well, darling, but now is not the time for that discussion. Please tell me what’s up with your folks”

“Wait…did you say you would marry me?” Tav went to kiss him tenderly again, albeit chastely.

“Yes, now focus, darling. We can celebrate later.”

“Sorry…it’s just this is hard. Very hard.” Tav curled her hands around herself and backed away from the doors and windows. Astarion, who was holding her before she backed out of his arms, followed her to a corner as she crouched to the floor and waited for her to speak which only took a moment. Thankfully they had plenty of time until dinner would be ready. Tav went from crouching to siting on the floor with her legs drawn up.

“Growing up was pure hell. I was beaten, manipulated and abused in almost every way imaginable except one. I wasn’t touched sexually, thankfully, but the rest was severe. The scars I have on my body? None of them are bandits. I lied. I would tell you the details but we don’t have enough time. Lets just say there was severe physical abuse, I was told I was repaying being born, I wasn’t allowed to eat because they said I was too fat and my brother was treated as the best person in the world while I was treated less than dirt. If my brother was bad, I was beaten. I was the bad one. I was neglected. I had to sew my own skin together. I had to figure out how to find food and stop the bleeding when I was so small I didn’t know what first aid was. This started when I was a toddler. I was dragged about the house and outside by my hair.”

“That’s why hair pulling, spanking, restraints, and things of those nature are a hard boundary for you during sex?” Astarion asked gently.

“Yes.” Tav looked away until Astarion used the tip of his fingers to guide Tav’s chin up to look back at him. Astarion gave a supportive smile before he sat down next to her and ran his arm behind her shoulders and drew her close. Tav continued to talk once she felt safe again. “ Weapons were used too on me. It wasn’t just fists. I broke 26 bones by the time I was a legal adult, triple that sprained. I missed over half of school every year because my parents would try to hide the marks. Every time my step mother felt upset at father she would point out how much of a disappointment I was, why I never had a significant other, why I was ugly or how I had to earn love. I was yelled at for hours every day about how I was the problem in the family, how I should end my life, how worthless I was and more. I believed it all…I mean, I was a kid. I didn’t know any better. I used to cry out ‘I’m sorry , I’ll be good! I love you mommy or daddy’ and when I found they didn’t care as I grew older I would stop screaming when being beaten. My step mother would tell my father I wasn’t screaming enough and to hit me more. Sometimes that meant while I was asleep.” Tav looked at the time and looked concerned “ We don’t have much time, maybe nine minutes left. I’ll tell you the details tonight in bed but please don’t make a scene at dinner. I just want to get through dinner and see what they want. I’m….hopeful for closure and change. I’m hoping that they aren't the same people they used to be.”

“This explains the people pleasing quirk and the praise kink you have, my love, not that I’m judging. If you want me to play nice, I will, but understand that you will be safe with me, so if for any reason you are in danger, I will act. I will not be separated from you either and I don’t care about the circumstances. I will also be completely honest with you. I am livid. Not at you. Never at you darling.” Astarion said as he brought her lips to his own and took her lips thoroughly, his tongue slipping against her own. It didn’t take much for her to moan against his lips but she stifled it. Astarion caught it none the less.

“Tonight my love. You can tell me whatever you wish to tell me, then we have our engagement to celebrate. Maybe we can leave the house tonight so I can properly find a place, maybe out of Evereska, if what your parents have to say isn't worth it, where we can make love under the stars, and I’ll make you scream my name the right way.” Astarion chuckled “Maybe your parents will hear us make love if I don’t kill them first.“ Astarion joked and kissed her once more chastely before pulling back. “We should go to dinner, love, but stick close to me.” Astarion stood up, held his hand out, and helped his fiancé up. He wiped her tears away, tears that she wasn’t aware she was shedding, and helped straighten her clothes and fix her hair.

“There. A bit better.” Astarion kissed her forehead and took her hand into his. Astarion opened her bedroom door and walked down the stairs with her. They left their armor and main weapons upstairs inside their magically enchanted bags. Thankfully Gale had enchanted their bags as a gift during the party six months ago. Only the two of them could access their bags, so they felt safe to put their weapons and armor away in their bags. Additionally, if anyone tried to take their bags, the bags would retaliate with a witch bolt against the person, and the bag would gain weight equal to six times the weight of the person trying to take the bag. Tav was so happy and grateful to Gale for these gifts. Gale also gave them a tent where the inside was as large as a house but the outside did not take up the same amount of space. It was used often during their travels. Even Astarion shook his hand for that one, which surprised Tav, but then again, Astarion had changed a great deal since the fall of the Absolute. Of course Astarion had a dagger in both of his boots and hidden on his being. He wasn’t going to go against a man who hurt his beloved the way that he had without having a weapon or two at his disposal.

Astarion also had a scroll of Detect Thoughts just in case, tucked away as well, although he hoped he wouldn’t have to use it.

Astarion held her hand tight and they made their way to the table. The table was as opulent as the rest of the house and they arrived to find Tav’s parents already preparing to sit down.

“Where is your brother?” Astarion whispered before they drew too near, as Astarion noticed he did not live at home.

“He passed a few years ago. The Pox…”

“Oh…sorry.”

Astarion sat down after seating Tav and pushing Tav’s chair in. He drank the wine but didn’t eat, claiming to have eaten a large meal earlier. Instead he watched Tav eat and noticed how she ate small bites, something different than how she would usually eat. It wasn’t like she ate like an animal, but she wouldn’t eat like a mouse either.

“Desha salen A'Sum vesta Al nodel Quessir?” Aias said obviously to Astarion as Tav only knew common and not elven. Astarion could reply in common so his fiancee could know what he was asking, but he wanted to play nice as he was asked to do. Aias was asking if his daughter married a Moon Elf and so he would play that up. In reality he suspected he may be, but he wasn’t sure, thanks to Cazador.

“Avavaen, sal'm Al nodel Quessir” Astarion basically only replied that yes, he was a moon elf, but Astarion suspected the man spoke to him in elven for another reason. Maybe he did it to test how much of an elf he truly was? Regardless of the true reason, he didn’t want to let this go on for much longer. He didn’t like leaving Tav in the dark. She was already helpless being back in her childhood home.

“Your father asked if I was a Moon Elf, dear.” Astarion muttered for Tav to hear.

“I taught you elvish when you were a kid, Tav.” Aias accused. But Tav shook her head.

“You taught Felaern elvish. My brother. Not me.” Tav replied with a measured voice in her defence.

This upset Aias, who stood up and placed his hand on his belt while he spoke. Tav lost what little color she had, her heart beat sped up significantly, she began to have a tremor and her breathing came quick. Astarion turned to Tav as Aias spoke.

“Don’t you dare speak back to me, young lady! We have important information we need to discuss, and I needed to make sure your husband was a true elf…unlike you.”

Astarion ignored the man and placed his hand on Tav’s cheek, drawing her face to look at him.

“Tav. Tav, look at me.” Astarion pleaded until Tav’s eyes finally landed on his and began to recognize him. She was pulled onto his lap by the vampire’s strong arms and Astarion heard a scoff from the step mother of the family.

“She is just manipulating you. She is good at it. The bitch always manipulated people.” Saida said “She probably told you some bullshit story about us, too.”

Astarion just held Tav and tucked her head under his. “Actually, I didn’t know anything about you both until just now. So tell me, why do you insist we stay a week when we prefer to stay a day?” Astarion lied in a bid to gain information.

“To be put simply,” Aias stated now, “We lost our son some time ago, and Tav is our only child remaining,” The elder elf said as he took his seat again. “As you may be aware, considering you are a high elf as well. It is very difficult to have children as an elf. We have to wait for a soul to pass and be reincarnated, and so I was lucky enough to have been blessed with two children at the time, but when a disease took my son from me. Tav became the sole surviving child to the Elleth line. Now I find out she got married and I knew of no such thing? Thankfully she had the wits about her to choose a respectable high elf to marry, instead of another mutt or lesser race, but that doesn’t change the fact that there are certain rituals we would like to see done. It shouldn’t take long, not even the full week. Just a few days and you would be free to journey again.”

Astarion rested his head on top of Tav’s before he spoke next.

“What does this ritual entail, and what’s in it for you?” Astarion demanded as he held his fiance tighter.

“You don’t really think I would tell you the details of a sacred ritual, do you?” Aias snapped back, looking straight at Astarion. Astarion wanted to react brashly, but instead, pulled out the Scroll of Detect Thoughts out of his boot and uttered the words against Tav’s shirt in barely a whisper. The table and table cloth hid the scroll and the effects, thankfully, and no one heard what he said except Tav this time around.

What Astarion found was abhorrent, and Astarion had to stop himself reacting right away. He had to plan and escape with his love. He needed to not raise suspicion and get out as soon as possible.

Apparently Tav’s parents ran Evereska, which was a surprise there, so they would have to flee the city on foot and gain distance as fast as possible without arousing suspicion for as long as possible.

Secondly, although Tav was right to fear them, they were, by all accounts, stupid. They could not figure out how much information he gleamed on detect thoughts, now coupled with what plane shattering revelations he just found out? They were playing with fire.

When Astarion had used detect thoughts shortly after asking what the ritual was and what he got out of it, Aias said in his head

“ Corellon promised us another heir, you prissy half elf lover, If you would just shut up and come with us tomorrow night.” Astarion knew who Corellon was. Corellon was an androgynous deity who is considered the leader of the elven pantheon, but why help them? Corellon was a chaotic good deity and not a malicious one, yet they wouldn’t change the balance of life and death for nothing. Aias continued his train of thought. “All you two idiots have to do is go to the temple and lay with each other. Corellon said they would inhabit the damn high elf’s body, and impregnate our good for nothing daughter so they can have a mortal body or avatar to walk Fae’run. It was a good fucking deal and we are not letting it go.”

Astarion ended the link lest he be found out and said out to the table “It’s a bit late and we walked quite a lot to get to the city. We’re gonna turn in. Can we talk about the ritual in the morning?”

The man waved them off and Astarion took a confused Tav and retreated back to their room. Once there Astarion donned his armor and encouraged her to do so as well.

“Whats going on? We didn’t walk much today so I am assuming you found out something and needed to get us away?”

“Get ready for battle my love. We need to sneak and get out of here as soon as possible. Your father means for us to do a most dreadful ritual. He wants us to fuck each other at a temple so a deity can be born. The fucker would inhabit my body for the deed. The best part is what they get out of it. A child. They want an heir.” Astarion had finished strapping his armor and his favorite blades he acquired from Orin’s defeat - Bloodthirst and Crimson Mischief. When Astarion looked over, Tav had her Adamantine armor on and Soulbreaker attached. Astarion grabbed two regular daggers and although he knew she wasn’t proficient in them, he placed one in Tav’s boot as she stood and looked down at what he was doing. The other he placed in her belt.

“You can never be too careful. If someone breaks your defenses and gets too close for your greatsword, I’d rather you be protected my love. We need to give it some time before we leave. Maybe let them go to bed first but be ready.”

“This may be a good time to tell you everything….the details I have been too scared to tell anyone.” Tav said as she sat on the bed, her great sword in hand just in case. Astarion sat down next to her and held her against his lithe body.

“You don’t have to, but if you wish, darling, I’m here.”

Tav hugged him back and buried her head into the chest piece of his armor.

“I want to tell you. If you’re going to be my husband one day, I want you to know why I have all these scars…or the nightmares.” Tav was so meek in her reply that Astarion leaned down and kissed her lovingly as a reminder that he still had her back. He still loved her no matter what and would support her.

“I’m here for you, my dear.” Astarion reminded Tav. Tav kissed him again and tried to make it deeper but Astarion wouldn’t let that happen.

“Not yet darling. When we get out of this horrid place we can celebrate any and every delicious way you can think of, but right now we need to be on high alert.” Astarion replied, his hand drifting up and down Tav’s spine. Tav sighed and then began to recount the horrors of her past.

“My earliest memory was being burned. I was maybe four years old and I forget what I did to anger my step mother but I had an iron placed against my hand. The skin bubbled and I was then forced to push my brother around in his stroller as punishment for two hours with the burned hand, and the bubble filled with liquid. I was terrified and in so much pain. Then maybe six months later, I remember being bound but my wrists were too small for the binding to properly take hold. My father sucked at binding my hands and when my arms came loose I was beaten for that. My father used closed fists, the belt buckle, the belt, brass coasters he would lob at me, swords, knives, fire, glass, electric spells to ‘test’ how strong they were, a baton which is like an extremely heavy bat, books, and basically anything he could get his hands on otherwise. He, when I was seven, knew I was afraid of heights and dangled me by the neck outside my window a few floors up. I could hardly breathe by how scared I was. I didn’t do anything wrong either. I just know if I heard his boots on the stairs, I was being hurt. I guess that is another perk of why I am with a man who is light on his feet.” Tav half joked but was obviously dejected.

“You will always be safe with me, my love.” Astarion said as Tav continued to recall her childhood.

“I had to figure out how to stop the bleeding when I didn’t know a lick about fist aid. I had to sew my own flesh together on my own thigh once but I was so young. Maybe eight when a good chunk of my wounds happened that I struggled greatly to put myself back together. That’s why I have so many scars. Then, when I was eleven, my step mother cheated on my father. She fled to Neverwinter to meet and sleep with another man. I was taken with. When my parents got back together, I was severely beaten. My body was contorted in a weird and wrong way by my father and punched, beaten and bruised…broken. My father had to travel to Neverwinter to get my stepmother. I was beaten the whole way and made to give him directions at the same time because after we came home, she fled back to the other man. I was rarely allowed sleep or food. They were eventually okay and such, but I was the black sheep. I was constantly blamed for the affair and beaten randomly for it. I would, as a child, fill my clothes with thick books to get hurt less when I was beaten but they would just take them out or yank my pants down. If I hid? My father would destroy my room looking for me. He would beat me for the messy room then and task me with cleaning it in an impossible time limit. If I failed, which I would, I would be beaten again. I remember I couldn’t see out my right eye once. It was bloody from a brass coaster being thrown at full force at me because I asked my father to play with me. It took a while for my vision to come back. “ Tav was shaking and breathing short stints. She was rocking when Astarion replied.

“Do you want to take a break? You aren't okay, my love.” Astarion was concerned Tav would have an anxiety attack and did what he could to ground her and give her support.

“No. I need to get this out.” Tav took another breath to steady herself. “No matter what I endured physically, I still have more that I sealed away. I buried the memories as far away as possible and never dealt with them. I started getting nightmares at thirteen and terrors. I began having flashbacks. It was like I was a kid again, everything was so real….all over again. I still have them, certain triggers like smells or words. The boundaries we have during sex, for example, trigger the flashbacks. I think I have most of them mapped out but I still get triggered by things I don’t realize are problematic for me. My step mother did more damage than my father though. She did mental abuse and verbal abuse. She would make me stand in front of my friends for hours as she berated me about how bad of a person I was and how much trash I was to them. I was nothing. I was worthless. I should cancel myself. I am paying back being born and that is why I get nothing in life. I am a bitch and don’t deserve love so I have to earn it. I am not screaming loud enough. I am not worth two cents. I will die alone. I-”

“Stop!” Astarion interrupted. “At this point you’re doing their work for them! You’re abusing yourself. I got the point.” Astarion chastised Tav and held his fiance tightly in his arms. “You’re none of those things! You’re beautiful and worthy of love. You’re amazing, and I am so fucking happy you’re alive and with me. I love you more than life it’s self. Please know that I thrive because of you!” Astarion muttered “Fuck it.” and passionately took Tav’s lips into his own. His hands explored her gorgeous and curvaceous body as he pinned her to the bed. Tav couldn’t help the low moan that escaped her. That is until she heard the familiar sounds of her father’s footsteps on the stairs. Tav began to panic and curled within herself and away from her fiance. Astarion was none too pleased to see her fighting with her demons and took up a stance in front of her in case her father came through that door. The noises got louder until it got near the door, changed direction, and left the area. It went down the hall to another room. The damage was done though, Tav was stuck in her head and having a panic attack. Her demons were out and against her in full force and Astarion briefly wondered if this was how Tav knew what to do with him when he struggled.

Astarion sat with her and rocked with her, saying soothing words as he held her and kissed her forehead. Astarion eventually got her back from her head and held her tight. He got her to calm after what felt like a tenday although it was more like half an hour. Astarion knew they didn’t have time for this but he couldn’t let her stew in her head. This was a trigger for her flashbacks and after what she disclosed to him, she had every right to be scared.

“Darling, are you feeling better?” Astarion finally asked after some time. Tav merely nodded while burying her head in the crook of his neck.

“I don’t expect you to be completely yourself, my love, but we need to get moving. We will revisit this once we are safe, and I will make sure you know how loved you are. I want you to know how wrong they are and if it was up to me, Id slaughter them where they stood for daring to lay a finger on you and saying what they did. Instead, for your sake I’ll make everything up to you the best I can. I’ll remind you for all time how valued and precious you are to me. “ Astarion kissed her gently and chastely before taking her hand. “You ready to leave, and never return?”

Tav nodded and Astarion picked Tav up bridal style and snuck outside the room and down the stairs. Astarion was on high alert, as he used his darkvision to his advantage. Astarion got out the front doors and hugged the wall of the house to get out of sight. Astarion placed Tav on the ground, and they crept to the side boundary of the city. Thankfully, the house wasn’t far off from the eastern perimeter of the wall, however the wall, itself, was a problem. The wall was tall and tipped with barbed wire. The walls sides were slick so even if they could traverse it, which they couldn’t, there was no way to get past the wire. They were going to have to get past the guards to get out, a feat Astarion was not looking forward to. About two hours later as they approached the eastern gate, the gate that Tav and himself entered that very day, they noticed the guard had grown.

“I guess our disappearance was finally noticed” Astarion muttered to the still pale Tav. “We’re almost out, Tav. We just have to get through the gate.”

“Leave that to me.”

“W…What? There are four guards!” Astarion exclaimed.

“True, but remember the one who asked how we defeated the Absolute? He is still up there. I might be able to get through. I have to try!”

“I don’t understand. How in the world does the guard’s curiosity have to do with our escape in this situation?

“Just stick with me, and be ready to draw your weapons if it doesn’t work. Let’s try this my way, and if not, then we just do things your way, like we were going to all along.”

Astarion couldn’t help but grumble but he placed his hands on the handles of his daggers regardless, and followed his beloved. He watched as Tav, who appeared to be perfectly okay although Astarion knew better, walked up to the guard she spoke to before regarding the details about their defeat of the Netherbrain. The guards reacted as expected, drew their weapons, and aimed them at the couple.

“You are under arrest. In violation of our rules and customs here in Evereska, you will come with us.”

Tav put her hands up and continued to walk towards them but began to speak.

“Is this how you treat someone who saved you all? Do you have any idea what we went through to protect you all from a mind flayer hive mind and murderous god’s with their chosen who thought it was a good idea to steal a magical artifact from a devil, to bind the mind flayers to their purpose and attempt to take over the world?

“Devil? Gods?” One of the guards asked confusedly.

“Yeah, Mephistopheles. Gortash thought it would be a good idea to steal a crown from him and try to control the Netherbrain with three stones. Each were given to the dead three’s chosen. It led to an imbalance and we had to act. There was Orin, who was with Bhaal, and was a shapechanger. Kethric who was with Myrkul, and was immortal because he was siphoning the power of an Aasimar. You may have heard of this Aasimar, she was dubbed the nightsong but her name was Dame Aylin. She is the daughter of Selune, which is where her powers came from. We had to free her to kill Kethric, but he became an avatar of Myrkul first. That was a pain in the ass fight. Oh, but by all means, if you think you can take us by force.” Tav smiled and stayed where she stood. Astarion finally understood what she was doing and smiled. Gods, he loved this woman. It was a gamble, but she was goading them to fight them. Making them seem larger then life and lauding their accomplishments to get them out of trouble. If it didn’t work, there was always his way, of course.

“You all are dismissed. I’ll take care of the prisoners.” The main guard said, the one whom Tav spoke to initially. With that the other 3, still in wonder, trudged along and left. Once they were far enough away, the guard said to her “Here is your chance.”

“You’re letting us go?”

“I grew up in Baldur’s Gate. I am a proud Baldurian, and so I am happy it never fell. I just ask you knock me out on the way out to make it look like I was overtaken.”

“Thank you” Tav said and gave him a pommel strike to the temple to knock him down. At this, the couple took off on foot and didn’t look back. They ran, far away from the city. Astarion was more cautious than Tav, as Astarion knew that there could be people with crossbows or bows in general that could still get them, so Astarion carefully always had himself covering Tav’s back when they ran off. Eventually, night fell again, and Astarion and Tav had made it to the coast, which was a good distance away from Evereska. They eventually found their way to the Marsh of Chelimber which was connected to Serpents Tail Stream. The stream would go all the way to the west and dump out to the ocean, the Sea of Swords.

“Are we safe?” Tav asked.

“Darling, I won’t feel safe until we’re quite a bit further away.” Astarion looked around his surroundings, and glanced at the map they had to spare in their pack “There should be a dock here somewhere. Maybe we can book passage to Baldur’s Gate and go home for a little.” Astarion said, and noted the happy look that Tav gave him. It had been some time since they returned home from their missions. “Why don’t we settle down for a little. Not permanently, but maybe a month or two won’t hurt. What do ya say?”

Tav showed her approval with a tight and rib breaking hug as she snuggled her head into his armor.

“Thank you!”

Astarion smiled and held her back as they began to approach the docks thanks to the map they had. They were exhausted, filthy and hungry after their jaunt and escape from the situation in Evereska.

“Hello, kind sir. Are you by any chance heading south?” Tav asked kindly while Astarion stayed close behind, ready to strike if things turned sour. Since her disclosure, he had been protective of her. She just hadn’t noticed it yet due to the circumstances around everything.

The captain was obvious to pick out. Aside from the fact he was giving orders to the entirety of the crew, the man seemed to bow to no one. He was an older gentleman but he looked like he saw his fair share of scraps. He had tailored clothes that had an embroidered name of “Rook” of the jacket. The man was handing out assignments, but the couple didn’t speak to him until they saw the crew addressing him as captain. You never knew who could pose as a captain nowadays just for a lick of coin or other pretenses.

“Yep! My crew and I are heading to Baldur’s Gate and then we are turning around to make another supply run to Waterdeep.” The man eyed them wearily and sighed “I take it you’re looking for passage?” The man is rather short. He is about five foot one, grey hair and slightly pudgy. He is older and in his sixties. He has a glass eye and seems to look at both Tav and Astarion quizzically. “Wait a moment….it can’t be!” The man grew excited as he exclaimed.

The man started to circle Tav and looking her up and down. The action was making Astarion uneasy and his instinct was to pull him away. Nothing could be done, however, before the captain acted first.

“I’ll be damned! You’re the Hero of Baldur’s Gate! If you and your husband are looking for passage, I’d be honored to have you sail with us! Hells, you can even have my room!”

“Th..That isn’t nessec-” Tav started to say when she was cut off.

“Bullshit! You saved my little girl’s life directly and my wife would have died twice over if you didn’t act in the battle and save us all! You even saved my wife directly too! I literally have a family because of you! Thank you!” The man praised Tav’s actions, partly holding tears back in his eyes as he grasped Tav’s hand in his own and shook it before Tav tore it back. Tav still struggled with her past and what she disclosed to her fiance just a day ago.

“if…if you insist. We are looking for a way to get to Baldur’s Gate. If you would be so kind to help us, we would appreciate it.”

“Well, what are you standing over there for? Come on board! Welcome aboard the Stingray, the fastest carrier in all of Fae’run! My name is Rook! I’m the captain of this amazing ship.” Rook introduced the couple to the crew who seemed fairly harmless, even if Astarion bristled at a few of them checking Tav out. Finally, Rook gave a tour and showed them their accommodations for the next tenday. Tav was surprised! For a ship, it was surprisingly modern. There was a large bed, a large bath tub and other luxuries including a decent library of books.

“But, where will you stay? We can’t possibly put you out, Rook!” Tav exclaimed.

“Nonsense! You aren’t aware, but my wife and I met last year in Baldur’s Gate. She just had a child from a man who sadly passed away. She would have lost the babe if you didn’t interfere. Even more, you helped save here later against a hag.”

“Oh my! You’re saying your wife is…”

“Yep! Mayrina is the love of my life and she has told me so much about you. Please, let me do this for you both. I will bunk with the boys. It will help us bond more and by the look of you two, you both could use a nice bath and some sleep.” Rook observed and expressed.

“Well…I can’t argue with that….”

“How soon till we set sail?” Astarion interrupted, eager to gain distance between them and the warriors at Evereska. Tav would have glared at him if she didn’t share the same concern.

“Oh, we can leave now, even. We just finished loading the shipment. Everything is where it needs to be. Give me a moment, I’ll be right back.”

With that, Rook left, although he wasn’t gone long. Tav had just enough time to take Astarion’s lips when Rook returned and startled the two away from each other.

“Ah, you two are rather cute together. Anyways, I just wanted to say we have taken off from the shore and are officially on the way to Baldur’s gate. It may take a day or two longer than a tenday but we are hopeful that we can gain some speed and make up some time. Supper is usually ready in the evening and should be ready in a couple hours.” Rook explained and went to leave. “Enjoy the room, you two…oh! The walls are sound-proof and the create water spells are next to the tub.” and with that, Rook winked, closed the door, and left.

As soon as the door was closed, Astarion took three large steps to the door. Within seconds the door was locked, and Astarion had picked up his lady love and deposited her on the bed. She yelped and giggled at his actions.

“Now, last I checked we have an engagement to celebrate and I have so much I want to show you. I want to show you how wrong those fuckers that you call your parents are.” Astarion crawled on the bed and caged Tav under him. “What do you say to that? Want to scream my name tonight while I worship your body?”

Tav’s chest felt tight and her fiance’s words went straight to her groin. He knew where he was going. He was offering a distraction. Tav nodded. She trusted and loved her fiance. She needed and wanted him. She wanted to be distracted. She wanted to feel good and feel needed.

She wanted to feel loved.

Astarion made quick work of her armor so that she was only left in her underclothes that she had on under her armor, so it didn’t agitate the skin. Tav took in his unique smell of bergamot, rosemary, and brandy with a base of cedar, amber, and musk. He smelled divine even after trying to escape the guards and being on the run. Tav was unsure how he always smelled so good, even when living with him, but she adored his comforting scent.

Astarion dipped down and took her lips, offering her a deep kiss from the start as his dexterous fingers found both her breasts and the hem of her shirt. Tav moaned into their kiss as Astarion used his hand to message her chest before he pulled back and in one fluid motion, removed her shirt. Astarion worked on the cloth that held her breasts when he drank her in again. Astarion felt her hips rut against his own as they sought relief.

“Eager, are we? Don’t worry, my love, I’ll see to your pleasure.” Astarion unhooked the material binding her breasts and easily undid the laces of her trousers. He then pulled them off her along with her undergarments in one swift motion so she laid bare before him. “Hells, you’re a goddess…you’re gorgeous, Tav” Astarion nipped at her shoulder.

“It’s unfair. You’re fully dressed.” Tav mentioned while Astarion chuckled.

“For now. Patience, darling. Just relax and enjoy.” Astarion replied as he kissed her jaw and neck thoroughly, purposely avoiding the pulse point.”you’re radiant and worthy of everything this world has to offer, Tav. I can also promise you one thing your step mother said is not going to come true”

“Wh…what’s that?” Tav asked as she moaned from Astarion taking her breast into his mouth.

“When the time comes that you pass from this world,” A thought Astarion did not welcome. “Which better be a very very long time from now my dear. You will not be alone. You will never be alone from now on, so what your step mother said about you dying alone? That is bullshit. Because when that time comes, you will be in my arms. You will be safe and at peace my love. You will pass with my lips on yours and most likely quite a few tears. Then, I’ll follow you…”

“No!” Tav replied as Astarion gazed up at her from his ministrations.

“ Please, don’t kill yourself! Please live on for me!” Tav recalled something she was told before. “Elves are reborn, and we hold on to our memories. Even half elves like me! They’re just buried. It may take a long time but I know we can find each other again. I want you to live…” Tav pled her case.

Astarion crawled back up to be on Tav’s level and replied with a scowl. “If that is what you want…then who am I to deny the woman I love?”

Astarion pushed his feelings down. He didn’t want to deal with the thought of Tav’s death. Not yet. They still had many, many decades together. As a half elf, she had half the life span of a high elf, so this meant she had a good four to five hundred years to enjoy life. Astarion closed his eyes and kissed Tav again before resuming his onslaught to her chest. Astarion took the other breast into his mouth and used his tongue to flick and suck, twirl and lap at the precious nipple adorning the mass he was fondling. Tav moaned loudly and tried to squeeze her thighs closed but couldn’t. Astarion dropped his hips and rolled them which gave her sweet friction in the apex between her legs. Astarion smiled as she moaned and rocked on his hard cock that was still clothed. Astarion moaned and lavished his attention on her breasts, his hands now dropping to her labia. Astarion used his dexterous fingers to spread her lips wide and using the pad of his thumb, he went in a circular motion over her clit. This caused Tav to buck her hips.

“Please, fuck me!” Tav begged as Astarion shook his head.

Astarion positioned himself after kissing her stomach and hip bones between her legs. He kissed her inner thighs and then replied.

“No. You’re gonna come for me on my face, my love.”

“Then you’ll fuck me?” Tav begged while Astarion kissed her thighs and paused over an area with a pulse

“No.”

“B…But…you said...!” Tav stuttered and was confused. Astarion merely laughed, his breath hitting her wet core.

“I wont fuck you because I’ll be making love to you. You’re too precious to me not to. Now, relax, enjoy and come on me.” Astarion said as he got to work dragging his tongue up the slit between the lips of the labia. He hooked his tongue around her clit and twirled it around the clitoris, pleasuring her nerves and gently sucking on the sensitive bud. Tav moaned louder and threw her head back. She threaded her fingers through his light locks of hair and bucked, still needing more. Astarion began using the flat of his tongue to stimulate her clit and then took two fingers and began probing to see how ready she was to take his cock. Thankfully she was satisfyingly wet and so Astarion slipped two fingers inside her and bent his fingers in a ‘come hither’ motion which hooked onto the rough patch of flesh that he knew to be her erogenous zone. With this, Astarion flicked and sucked the clitoris harder and faster and additionally added a third finger. Tav was in a wave of bliss. She was loving the pleasure she was being given and she loved how attentive he was to her body. He was very focused on her body’s small reactions. Astarion looped his arm so that his arm would hold his fiance’s hips down.

“Bite me!” Tav begged as she felt the familiar pressure inside her build. Her core burned with desire and burning electricity snuck down to her toes with each flick of his tongue and stroke of his fingers.

“Gods below, are you delicious! Are you sure about me biting you?” Astarion asked as he worked her bud. She was close, so very very close.

“Please!! It feels so good when you bite me!”

Chuckling to himself, Astarion commented “ We really were made for each other” Before licking and kissing a spot on her left leg and then sinking his teeth as nicely as he could. Astarion punctured the skin and began to draw the blood to the surface. As the blood hit the back of his throat, both of them were in ecstasy. Tav felt Astarion use his fingers on her clit as well as speed up. Tav went over the edge in a cry of elation as she called out his name. The hand threading into his hair tightened and she heard him growl in pleasure at it. Astarion was grinding against the bed, his hard-on painfully obvious. Astarion helped her ride through her orgasm until she was growing overly sensitive. Astarion pulled back from drinking too much and sealed the wounds on her thigh. Astarion straightened out and looked at the woman below him. She looked ethereal.

Astarion quickly yanked off his light armor after wiping his face with the back of his hand, then tossed his under shirt to the side of the bed. Astarion couldn’t work fast enough to undo his trouser laces as the pressure was too much between his legs. Tav at this point was able to sit up and helped her fiance out of his clothes by yanking his pants down. Astarion keeled on the bed in his light blue underwear, the head of his cock peeking out of the top of the briefs. Tav licked her lips and carefully pulled his underwear down so his cock and sack could finally be free. With a hiss of pleasure, Astarion finally had his clothes pooled around his knees. Tav reached out and leaned forward to take him in her mouth but Astarion took her lips into his own first.

“Please don’t, my love. I know what you want to do. I won’t last long if I’m in your succulent mouth, and I’d much rather be buried inside you.”

Tav pulled Astarion down with her, his lips on hers and their tongues against each other’s. Astarion kicked his pants and underwear off. Astarion rocked his hips gently into the crux between her legs, his cock rubbing against her clit deliciously. Tav would grind up to meet his motions as they drank deep of each other. Astarion pulled back, unable to take the teasing much longer, he aligned his cock with her vaginal cavity and in one quick motion he sunk himself deep to the hilt within her, eliciting a moan from them both.

“Gods below. How the hells are you always so tight, darling?” Astarion squeezed his eyes shut and waited a moment to give Tav time to adjust. When he felt her thrusting and moving against his hips, Astarion began to slowly roll his hips. Astarion dropped his lips to her left ear as he made love to her so he could huskily gasp out.

“I love you Tav. I love you so much it scares me. I’d either still be a slave and be horribly tortured for being abducted, or I’d be viscera on the floor from Cazador’s accession without you. You saved me. You complete me. Gods, sing for me, my love. Feel how much I love you.” Although Astarion did possess a silver tongue, He usually withheld expressing his love as much as he was now because he struggled with his own self worth but he recognized it in her. He saw how much she needed the reminder to her self worth and the reminder of his commitment.

Tav moaned as Astarion picked up the pace and sped his hips up. He began pulling back until the head of his cock was the only part nestled inside her and would drive himself home. Home was definitely the most appropriate word as when he was one with her, he felt complete. It was more than just sex, more than just the physical act. It was an expression of his soul. It took him a long time to realize this but he would be damned if he didn’t acknowledge it now. His hips would piston his manhood deep inside her as a hurried pace as it glided against her soft inner tissue and struck sensitive nerves and erogenous areas. Tav was singing his name by this point, his name a mantra upon her sweet lips. Tav stretched her neck to the side and Astarion knew what that meant. It was an invitation for his fangs once again to find themselves inside her flesh.

“I can’t . You haven't eaten in so long. Maybe our next round…” Astarion tried to rationalize even though he was craving her blood like a siren’s song. Astarion couldn’t get enough tasting her lips as her need for him grew muffled by their lip lock. Astarion shifted so he could grab hold and lift his partners leg by the knee. This gave him a better angle he could use to roll his hips against her and cover more of her sensitive tissue inside her. His length drove deeper than he had previously and Tav panted as her breasts bounced with each thrust. Astarion couldn’t help taking one in his mouth as his fiance grew louder and called out to him.

“I’m going to come!”

“Good. I can’t hold it much longer. Let go while I fill you.” Astarion choked out as his rhythm had long since faltered and his speed had increased to a punishing pace. The only sounds in the room save exclamations of pleasure and moans were the obscene wet noise and the slapping of the skin as Astarion pounded her special place. Astarion felt her walls contract around him before he heard her shatter in bliss. Astarion only got another stroke in before he too finished and spilled inside his fiance, slowing as he rode out their orgasms together. Astarion let out a groan of relief fill him as he grew almost overwhelmed by the intensity of his climax.

In an effort to not collapse on her, Astarion rolled off her and to the side where her drew her in and held her close. It took several minutes for their sweat soaked bodies to begin to tame their breathing and by then, Astarion had kissed her forehead and gotten up to ready a bath for the both of them.

Once the pair were lounging inside the tub while sensually maintaining an intimate hold, Tav finally perked up enough to ask a question she was wondering.

“You said that you’d feed next round. Did you mean you wanted…you wanted to make love again?” Tav asked as she sat between Astarion’s legs and laid against his naked physique with her back to his chest. Astarion was gently cleaning the filth and grime from their adventures off her body with a soft rag and their bars of soap. Astarion smiled to himself and kissed her cheek before he ran the water over her hair to wash out the shampoo and then conditioner he worked through her locks.

“Of course my sweet. You think I can keep my hands off you that long? Just look at you! You’re a vision! Of course it may have to do with the fact that I love you more than Gale likes to talk about himself…so that is quite a bit.” Astarion joked towards the end earning a playful shove from Tav. Tav who was now clean, reciprocated towards her partner and lovingly wiped his body down and washed his hair (even with some hair hijinks) as well. Tav finished with his body, spending a few extra minutes teasing him below the waist, before they had fun tickling each other in the tub. Tav admitted defeat early on while Astarion took a moment to take a prize from the one he loved. He kissed her with love and passion, slipping his tongue against hers once against before a soft knock came at the door.

“Dinner’s on deck!” the unknown voice spoke out.

Astarion pulled away and helped his fiance out of the tub and get dried off, before he used the towel on himself. Tav threw on some basic clothes that wasn’t revealing after seeing Astarion become upset over a few deckhands who let this eyes wander earlier in the day. Astarion did something similar but it wasn’t because of the same reasons. Astarion knew his only source of food on the trip would be Tav and so he had to focus on her health the most. He also had a personal vested interest in this situation considering how he felt about her. Of course the more he fed off her, the more he’d want her. It was a grueling cycle that made Astarion wish he had animal blood on hand so he could be in better control of himself. Knowing what he knew, he resigned himself to the fact that by the end of the trip, they’d be sore but damn would it be worth it. Astarion secretly liked the idea of Tav not being able to walk off the ship by the end of a tenday.

Astarion reached out and held Tav’s hand as they left the room. The captains quarters were located on the deck of the ship under the wheel while, as they were shown prior, the mess hall was under the deck. As a result it wasn’t a surprise to find that the deck was clear when they emerged. All the sailors were eating and the wheel was tied down. Astarion didn’t think it was the safest idea, but he also knew he wasn’t a sailor. As the couple approached the hatch that would lead them to the level they needed under the deck, Tav stopped. It was then that Astarion felt the air around them seem to charge with electricity and Astarion knew magic was at play in some regard. Before them and over the hatch a swirling blue circle had formed and Astarion knew exactly what it was. Cursing, Astarion drew his blades while Tav didn’t have her great sword due to the size of it and the quick trip for sustenance.

Astarion stood in front of Tav and braced himself for a fight. Who appeared out of the teleportation circle was not as expected however. Astarion and Tav expected warriors of Evereska to be pursuing them yet when Tav’s step mother and father emerged, it was surprising to the vampire and crippling to Tav. Aias and Saida Elleth were somehow on a moving boat on it’s way to Baldur’s Gate in an attempt to rectify the situation Astarion and Tav removed themselves from.

“You know how much I despise using my scrolls Tav. What the hell got into you both? We didn’t ask for much! Just a damn ritual since you couldn’t be bothered to find us when you decided to become an adventurer and get hitched as soon as a fine piece of meat strolled by.” Saida snapped at Tav who seemed to wilt under Saida’s verbal onslaught. “You have always been willful and stupid. You’re impulsive and…”

“Shut the fuck up you cow” Astarion seethed. He was incensed and would not allow this woman a chance to harass and hurt the woman he loved any longer. “Who do you think you are? Both of you? To think me and Tav will conceive a god for you just because you miss having a fucking boy. If you may not have realized, the woman you both abuse is also your child, but I guess it doesn’t matter since she doesn’t have a dick.” Astarion was sorry for Tav’s loss of a brother however the idea their heir needs to be male bothered him. Tav was a remarkable and frankly stunning woman. She was a natural leader and deserved everything good in the world. Astarion would protect her and her heart till the day his undeath was over.

“So you knew,” Aias said as he took a step towards the vampire. “You may not understand, but Tav does owe us. She had to be disciplined, yes, as she grew up. Most children do, which you will find out soon enough. Tav, let’s go.”

“Owe you? For what? Being born? That’s right, I do fucking know. I know you won’t touch her if I have anything to say about it” Astarion was still so outraged that he cursed frequently.

“And what will you do, child? I’m double your age by the looks of it. I have much more experience than you whelp.” Arias threatened.

“Maybe if I was just an elf it would be a problem, but I’m not, you piece of shit. I won’t do this ritual with Tav for your benefit, and I wont let her get hurt by you again!” Astarion growled as he backed up a little to feel Tav whose breath and heart rate concerned him.

“We don’t need you for the ritual. We’ve had a backup the entire time to take your place. It was just fortuitous she showed up with you. What do you mean you’re not just an elf?” Arias eyed him suspiciously when Astarion gave him a large toothy grin which exposed his fangs. To the elf’s credit, he displayed a perfect poker face except when Astarion had revealed his fangs, Astarion could hear his heart rate also increase and almost smell the fear on him.

“I mean, you will not touch or hurt a vampire’s fiance. I will fucking drain you dry, gods know how parched I am.” Astarion snarled at the next thought he vocalizes “And are you telling me you would have your own daughter raped if she didn’t have an elf in her life?”

Arias pulled out a dagger of his own but only one compared to Astarion having both of Orin’s daggers from a year ago.

“We do what we must to ensure the survival of our name.” was the only justification for something so vile and reprehensible. The thought made Astarion nauseous and very angry. How dare they think to hurt her that way!

“Your life is forfeit.” Astarion growled and launched an attack. Surprisingly Arias put up a decent fight, however he was nothing to a vampire’s enhanced strength and agility. Arias would parry and almost clipped Astarion’s cheek however in a move that was like a blur, Astarion had gotten behind the man and without hesitation he jumped on the man and bared his teeth. Astarion drank from the man who was powerless to fight him off. Astarion didn’t sink his teeth gently into the man like he did his beloved. Instead he tore open the skin savagely and as painfully as he could muster.

Astarion drank deeply of the man and was surprised her father’s blood tasted so rancid. He thought his fiance and her father would share something in common with their blood when he sank his teeth in but was astounded the man’s blood was little better than the rats he had to partake in under Cazador’s command. Astarion was only partly through the man’s blood when he saw something in the corner of his eye move.

His wife had begun to move, no longer stunned into silence she cried out.

“You piece of shit! I should have forced your mother to abort you and done the world a favor! I should have-” As the woman ran forward and grabbed the dagger Arias dropped. She went to attack Astarion physically while attacking Tav verbally. Tav, at this point, ran forward, grabbed Saida by the hair and yanked her back. The woman landed on her back on the floor with a thud and a curse.

“I’m tired of it, Saida!” Tav regarded her step mother by name and no longer by the title of mother. “I’m always so horrible yet you always need something from me! I’m better than this. I am better than you!” Tav screamed and pulled the dagger out that Astarion had gifted her earlier before plunging it into her step mother’s stomach, halting her advance on Astarion.

“But…but he is a monster!” Saida tried to reason with Tav. “He will kill him!” Saida held her stomach after Tav withdrew the blade.

“I only see two monsters here and it’s you two. That man is not a gods damn monster. He is my everything, my partner, and if he wants to kill my father? He had it coming.” With this said, Tav drew the blade against the thin skin of Saida’s throat, killing the woman as she drowned on her own blood.

Tav withdrew a bottle from her pack and bottled what she could of the woman’s life essence while Astarion brought the man closer to death. At the end, when he was not far from killing the man, Astarion stopped. Astarion let his body slump down on the deck floor as he retrieved Tav.

“Darling? How are you feeling?”

“Better, lighter, maybe? I’m not sure.” Tav explained.

“Maybe you’ll feel more complete once Arias is taken care of? Go ahead and finish this. Take back what they did to you and let’s not worry about them any longer darling.” Astarion gave her a tender look and care. He was not going to rob her of her chance for closure. He got a chance to kill Cazador, so she should get a chance to kill her demons, too.

It was a tense moment for Tav to respond, but when she did, she took his dagger and stalked towards the incapacitated man. Astarion was with her the entire time and stayed with her, but at a distance, so she could do what she wished.

“Did you think that beating me would get you anywhere? Or the torture? You made me fear you for too damn long!! Now you will learn, you bastard!” Tav screamed at him and she launched into her own attack. Tav held the dagger vertically and jammed it between the neck and the collarbone. It made a sickening crunch as she pushed it to the hilt towards his heart. He would not survive this as the artery was also nicked, let alone the internal damage that was just inflicted. Astarion also always coats his blades in poison so Arias would soon die.

Seeming to know this and gasping at the pain, Arias said “ You bitch!!! You’re with an abomination and yet you think to tell me off? I wish I killed you, you pathetic excuse for a…”

Astarion had heard enough and punched the man in the face screaming at him to shut up, and further expletives.

Tav the took the dagger and stabbed the man through the eye. This was a killing blow as his body fell over the rest of the way - dead.

Tav sunk to her knees and held herself as she rocked. Astarion, seeing the carnage around them, quickly disposed the bodies and cleaned the scene before he returned to his fiance. Astarion helped her ground herself, as if he was her anchor to the world. He soothed her and held her as Tav dealt with the demons in her head from the horrific abuse she endured. Eventually, she calmed down enough she could function to a degree.

“Hey, my sweet, how are you feeling?” Astarion asked as he kissed her forehead. He continued holding her and rocking with her to help her come back to her senses.

“Empty. Void. I’m not sure how to feel after this.” Tav admitted

“Give yourself some time, my love. When I killed Cazador, I needed time to process it all and what it meant. You were there by my side through all of it. Now I will be by your side as well. Let’s get you some food and we can retreat to our bedroom to rest.” Astarion summized before kissing his fiance on the cheek and helping her to stand up.

The couple retrieved some food and no one was wiser about the carnage that had occurred on their ship. Once in the room, Tav showed Astarion the bottled blood she had which made Astarion very happy to see he had fresh blood waiting for him. Once in their room, Tav drew Astarion tight and kissed his neck.

“Are you sure you’re up to it?” Astarion asked, considering the silent request that passed between them.

“Make me forget. Please.” Tav begged before Astarion kissed her sweetly.

She asked Astarion to make her forget and that is what he did. Throughout the voyage they made love without abandon, They spoke and cuddled until she felt a semblance of herself again creep back into her personality. Astarion was happy for this, and by the time they reached Baldur’s Gate, Astarion was also happy he had to help carry his beloved down and off the boat.

Things remained peaceful as they lived back in the house that was gifted to them a year ago. Astarion fiddled with the wedding rings in his pocket, only three more days to wait. He was beyond nervous but things would be okay. Tav and himself were healing and supporting each other the best they could. Astarion felt like a new man after Cazador’s defeat and Tav was getting to be her old self again. Things weren’t where they wanted to be, but they were improving. There was no shortage of love and care between the two and no matter what life threw at them, the couple would always work together to endure and preserve their family.

So imagine Tav and Astarion’s surprise when she ended up pregnant….

Note: Please let me know what you think! My Ao3 is linked as PaganWitchIsis

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beezusvreeland · 7 months

Text

dear reader - chapter 7

summary: Miguel took the reader’s love and friendship for granted. Something he learns reading her column, when it’s too late…Or is it?

ship: miguel o'hara x f!reader // matt murdock x reader

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Chapter 7

“Tell me about this friend of yours”, said doctor Octavius.

Ultimately, Miguel decided to follow Lyla’s advice. He was getting to a point where he would try anything to make the heaviness in his chest go away. Not that he would ever admit that to the people in his life.

Doctor Otto Octavius wouldn’t let that slide though. He was so traditional that the only option his patients had if they wanted to book a new session or communicate with him was by calling his secretary. No emails, texts or any online contact.

Miguel chose him because he was one of the best. Doctor Octavius used to be the head of the psychiatry department at Miguel’s alma mater and was highly respected in his field. The man refused to retire, opting to have fewer consultations per week. It was very exclusive. Lyla had to negotiate a very generous sum for him to see Miguel.

It was Miguel’s second session with the doctor. Miguel was seated on a dark mustard couch, holding a cream colored cushion on his lap, facing the psychiatrist, who was set on a dark brown leather chair. At first, the room annoyed Miguel, who felt it was pretentious — although he was incapable of explaining why when Lyla asked. But it grew on him. It was relaxing to be seated comfortably in peace, no notifications, calls or exterior world to worry about. It was a nice change from his insane routine.

“You’ve mentioned her a few times so far. Are you close?”

Miguel didn’t know what he was expecting from doctor Octavius, but the psychiatrist’s calm demeanor and soft voice surprised him.

“We used to be.”

“What changed?”

“I was a jerk and disappointed her…You see, she is great, really great, but I never paid a lot of attention to that, I just enjoyed spending time with her. And there was this one day when she really needed me and I wasn’t there for her.”

“What do you mean when you say you didn’t pay attention? To her, her gestures?”

“Both”, Miguel pinched his nose remembering the column about his birthday and the book you made for him. His heart sank when he thought about the gift. Miguel regretted a lot of things, but if he could go back in time, that was the day he would go back to. You were sweet and considerate and he threw the book somewhere — he had turned his place upside down, but never found it.

“She…has always been there for me, more than our other friends. She would do nice things for me and be supportive and I…I liked it”, Miguel analyzed the cushion on his lap, embarrassed to look back at the doctor. “I guess I never thought about what it meant for her or that I should reciprocate. I’ve never fully learned what friendships entail.”

“How about your other friends?”

“It’s not the same thing. I’ll meet Pav, Gwen and Hobie, hell, now even Peter, at the bar, we drink a lot and have some fun and then we all go home. We don’t exactly get into the deep stuff.”

“Would you be open to that if you had the chance?”

Miguel scratched his head.

“Discussing my feelings in public isn’t very…”

“Very what?”

“Manly.”

“We’re discussing your feelings right now. How does it feel?”

Miguel reached for the glass of water on top of the coffee table. During his first appointment with doctor Octavius, he had been so uncomfortable it made him irritable. There were times Miguel would stay silent instead of answering the psychiatrist’s questions. The doctor didn’t pry, though, and just waited. Afterwards, he felt so relaxed it made him sleepy. He hadn’t had a good night of sleep in years, but that day he did.

“It’s hard”, that was all he was able to say.

“And do you feel less of a man because of it?”, asked the doctor, crossing his legs and tilting his head.

Miguel was silent.

“Well, our time is up. We will return to this on your next appointment.”

***

You were the first in your group to arrive at the bar. You went straight to the counter and found Foggy cleaning his station. When he saw you, a smile and a funny look took over his face.

“What?”, you asked, laughing.

“I heard you went on a date so good you are about to go out with him again this weekend.”

“Oh, did you?”, you knew you were blushing, but you just felt so happy. “What else did you hear?”

“Well, I’m Switzerland, so there isn’t much more I can reveal…”

“Come on, now”, you rolled your eyes.

“What I will say is that you’re not the only one with a dumb smile. And I supposed it’s okay for me to reveal that the words ‘enchanting’ and ‘dream woman’ might have been mentioned…”

You covered your face, laughing. One date. You had only gone on one date with Matt. But it was indeed a fantastic night.

After dinner and dessert, he walked you back to your home. They said chivalry was dead, but apparently Matt Murdock didn’t get the memo. Before saying your goodbyes, he said:

“I really want to kiss you right now. Can I?”

He got closer to you, his hands on your hips, his nose almost meeting yours. You were about to melt when you came to your senses and turned your face, giving him a kiss on his cheek.

“Kisses are for the second date”, you whispered in his ear and separated from him and walked towards the stairs of your apartment building.

“In that case, when are you free?”

“Saturday night.”

“It’s a date”, he said, with a grin on his face.

“Yeah, well…I just wanted to thank you for setting us up”, you put your hands on the court to steady yourself, still recovering from your fit of laughter. “Regardless of what happens, I had fun. And God knows I needed fun.”

“The pleasure is all mine, I’m glad it worked out.”

You nodded.

“Okay, then, what is your order?”

“A dry martini and fries.”

“Fancy. Go sit, I’ll bring it to you.”

Thanking Foggy again, you went to your usual table. It was still empty, except for a leather jacket that you knew all too well on one of the chairs. Miguel was there. And you’d be alone with him. There was no way you were allowing that to happen. You were about to get up when you heard:

“Hi, cariño, arrived early today.”

[cariño: darling]

You felt chills with his voice. And the nickname that he used when he wanted something from you. You fell for it everytime.

“Hey”, you tried to control yourself as you sit again, brushing your hair from your face.

He sat next to you.

“Have you ordered yet?”, Miguel sounded cautious. Like he didn’t know where he stood with you.

It was better that way, you thought. Dealing with his confident and cocky self demanded a lot from you and you didn’t have the energy for that at that moment.

“Yes.”

“What did you get?”

Was he for real? Did he forget how to talk to people? That had never been a problem before, especially with women. Except Miguel never saw you in the same way he saw them. You had done your best the past few months to not dwell on your memories of him. At some point, it stopped hurting as much, which made you almost feel like you were over him. But being so close to him and remembering all the times he left you in the cold unveiled the seams of your wounds.

“The same as always”, you answered, knowing he wouldn’t know what you meant.

“Fries and a dry martini, then?”

Well, that was unexpected. However, your friend group has been coming to this bar for years, you ordered the same thing a million times. Maybe you were just so used to having to explain yourself over and over to Miguel that it surprised he had paid attention. Even a little bit of it.

You saw Foggy walking towards your table holding a tray with the drink and the fries. Never before have you been so grateful for an interruption.

“There you go, miss enchanting”, he teased, as he put your order in front of you. “Oh, hey, Miguel, how have you been?”

“Can’t complain.”

You closed your eyes for a moment. Why couldn't he just act like a normal person?

Foggy raised his eyebrows and his eyes found yours. You tilted your head with an apologetic look.

“Okay, then. Let me know if you need anything.”

Frowning, Miguel asked you:

“What is up with the miss enchanting thing? It’s that your new nickname?”

Before you could answer, Foggy, who was still in earshot from you, stepped in.

“It’s how one of her suitors reviewed a date with her”, said the owner of the bar, going back to the counter.

Miguel was silent, which, somehow, was even worse than him talking nonsense. He was focused on a napkin he was shedding. You pushed the bowl with the fries in his direction.

“I won’t be able to eat all of that alone.”

“Gracias.”

[gracias: thank you]

“De nada. Pendejo”, you mutter the last word. Your spanish was limited, but Miguel always throwed that word around whenever he was ranting about the executives at Alchemax.

[de nada: you’re welcome/pendejo: idiot]

“Don’t think I didn’t hear that, cariño.”

Miguel then winked at you. That did things to you, more specifically to your body. You wouldn’t fall for that, though, you couldn’t. You can’t go back to your pattern of holding on to every crumble of affection he gave you.

“Oh, shut up, just eat it!”

He chuckled.

“Where is everybody? We’ve been here for a while now."

Miguel got his phone from his jeans’ pocket and, tapping a few times, let out a “humpf”.

“They won’t come”, he said, using a shred of napkin to clean his phone’s screen.

“What?”

“There was a malfunction in the subway, they are operating with limitations, so the stations are full and the traffic is insane.” Looking at his phone, he adds: “Also, there might be a storm coming our way”.

“Ugh, great.”

You probably wouldn’t be able to get back to your place in time to avoid the storm. The only thing left to do was stay at the bar long enough for the storm to go away so you could get home.

“If we leave now and walk fast, we can get to my place before the rain starts”, Miguel got up, reaching for his wallet in his pocket.

“Migs, I think I’ll just wait here and then go home.”

“Cariño, the weather forecast is showing that the storm is going to last a while”, he put a few bills on top of the table. “Come on, get up, we have to go.”

“I’ll be fine here…”

“Cabezota, escuchame. You’ll be safer at my place, there's plenty to eat and if it comes to it, you can sleep there. Lyla picked a really comfortable bed for my guest bedroom.”

[cabezota, escuchame: listen to me, stubborn]

The idea of going back to his apartment, a place where every single wall and wooden floor said something about Miguel, was too much. He did have a nice guest bedroom, though. What concerned you was all the time leading up to that. The night had barely started. Being so close to him for so long wasn’t the best idea. But it was the only sensible one.

Everything happened so fast it took you a few moments to realize you and Miguel were running, his hand holding yours tightly. His other hand held your purse — you had completely forgotten about it.

You weren’t the only ones in a hurry: people were seeking places to escape the storm. Their movement got faster as a loud lightning appeared in the sky. The cars stuck in traffic were loud, taxi drivers screaming to other drivers, no one quite understanding why it was taking so long to get out of there.

When you were a couple blocks from Miguel’s house, a pack of dogs started running in your direction, just as desperate as you and him. They seemed to be led by a golden retriever that had a purple bandana around his neck. You looked at Miguel and both of you started laughing, running, holding hands, panting and laughing more and more, probably because of the adrenaline, but also because those dogs had a lot of personality.

A few drops of rain fell on your forehead. They quickly multiplied and yet another bolt of lightning struck. Miguel pushed your hand, forcing you to run as fast as he was, until you got to the building. Once inside, you were so light headed that you had to press your head against a wall as you waited for Miguel to unlock the door.

Thankfully, you were able to escape unscathed from the rain, so you took your shoes — that were definitely not made for running — and threw yourself on the couch. You were thankful to your past self that convinced Miguel to buy a comfortable couch for his home. His office, however, ended up with the most pretentious couch in the world — at the time, Miguel didn’t like what you said, but you remembered it made Lyla laugh a lot.

Miguel came back to the living room after going to the kitchen. He sat on the floor next to you, extending his arm offering you a water bottle.

“Mi casa es su casa, pero ya sabes de eso”, he mumbled.

[my home is your home, but you already know that]

“Thanks”, you grabbed it and raised your head just enough to drink. “Can we stay in silence for a little bit? We just had a sensory overload.”

“Uhm. I’d like that.”

The only noise you heard then was of the rain falling outside. The world was ending, but you found shelter nonetheless.

***

Dear reader,

What is the worst dating tip you’ve ever received? I start: every single one written in teen magazines. I distinctly remember subscribing to one that had a session where they asked boys what they thought about certain trends, what girls wear, etc. There is a specific one that was so silly that even my 15 old self thought “I’m too old for this shit”. The question had to do with nail polish and the colors they like or not on a girl. They destroyed pretty much all options except for french nails. As you probably already noticed, reader, I’m very passionate about the nail polish question. Especially because I read that in the very beginning of my life long obsession with black nail polish. It’s dark and, yes, maybe a little basic, but aren’t we all? It’s reliable, chic if you need to, casual if you want it to be.

Those boys were obviously clueless. But my point is we won’t get anywhere pretending to be someone we’re not. It’s cheesy in a Disney Channel movie type of way, but my best advice is: be yourself. Doing otherwise will only lead us towards frustration and heartbreak. Because you might be able to hide important parts of you for a long time, but not forever. Our true nature always finds a way to come out.

Sure, wear that cute pink top you bought online, do your hair and your make up if you feel like it, you can even wear heels if you want to. As long as you know that you don’t have to. In my experience, no one is going to like you more or less because of your black nail polish. And if they do, it means that they don’t deserve you.

Before I go, I do have another very important dating tip that can also serve a life tip in general: if you and your date go to eat hamburgers, hot dogs or any other type of sandwich, take two napkins and open them up. Fold them in half and then put them under the sandwich in a cross formation — one unfolded horizontally and the other, vertically. That way you reduce your odds of spilling any type of dressings on your outfit.

You're very welcome.

As always, never take advice from someone who’s falling apart.

Love,

The writer

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