#and actually participated. i didnt do any extra shit i was just That Good In Class

[felikatze]

that poll reminding me. not so secret feli lore i'm sure i've talked about this before. but one time in school a guy confessed his love to me as a joke (i knew it was a joke because he was part of a clique that Could Not Stand my autism swag) and he did it in front of my friends, with his friends watching from a distance, and the scenario was so absurd i started laughing at him.

Like full on fucking ojou-sama hand to my face laugh. For several minutes. It was the funniest shit to ever happen to me I just did not know how to react.

Obviously this embarrassed him and he went back to his friends. Idk how they reacted to this but over the next few weeks he would try to confess several more times. I would still laugh at him but then it got annoying. So I'd just start kicking him. Every single time he got near me and opened his mouth I would kick him in the shins. Guy was a football player but I still did it. If it came to a fight he could've kicked my ass easy i am a twig but my sheer ferocious moxie scared him.

One math teacher fucking hated this guy for being the "class clown" (read: calling everything gay and autistic as the height of comedy) so she sat us next to each other on purpose and actually gave me permission to kick him if he was being annoying.

This all came to a head on the day my best friend whom I'd had a secret crush on got rejected by HER crush, and she was crying. So to stop people from badgering her I made a distraction. I challenged my nemesis to a duel in the hallway in front of the chemistry rooms. The entire class could hear. Everybody focused on me over my crush trying to wipe her eyes around the corner.

I kept calling him a coward as he ran away from me (presumably out of fear, or because he knew that if he did fight me, he would win, but i would 100% kick him in the balls first). When the chemistry teacher arrived she made us apologize to each other and I no longer had permission to kick him publicly but the damage was done. I had a Reputation. I was Feared. I was the quiet nerd teacher's pet until anybody fucking looked at me wrong.

At the end of that school year, that entire clique decided to graduate early (which you can do, since minimum school attendance is 10yrs, and we were in 10th grade). So many students left and/or changed schools that the principal personally asked the rest of us if everything was okay. This was probably because they all had shit grades and wanted to go to an easier school, but I hated them and choose to believe my warfare efforts were also a cause for this.

[whyse7vn]

BREAK -

[ot7 x reader]

PEACE AND LOVE 😁💗

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

jk: guys i’m lost ☹️

jimin: like emotionally??

tae: or sexually?

jk: woah um

idk anymore

jin: probably psychologically

yoongi: what’s new?

namjoon: jungkook you are in your kitchen

y/n: can confirm he is in the kitchen.

yoongi: loser

jin: what’s with the punctuation lmao

jk: woah i am in our kitchen

how did i get here

good morning guys ^0^

jin: it’s 7pm?

y/n: he’s hungover.

jk: yeah T-T

jimin: not surprised drank jin’s body weight in alcohol yesterday

jk: there was a lot going on :((

yoongi: so you result to alcoholism?

namjoon: it’s better than resulting to violence!!!

y/n: hoseok can’t relate.

hobi: i said i’m sorry 😓

jin: jimin i’ve thought about it and i really think you’re projecting when it comes to this weight thing

jimin: project a vegetable

jin: project a cure for the body issues you CEARLY have

namjoon: guys

jk: ants playing ddr in my head rn

i’m so upset

also how do i take about a loan?

i want a loan

namjoon: jungkook you do not need a loan

jk: ok

i’m sorry

namjoon: jungkook you better not be crying right now

jk: i’m not crying

y/n: he is crying

but that is not important rn.

can we talk about yesterday because what the fuck?

tae: YESSS i’ve been waiting for this

whoever wants the video of hobi punching the shit out of jaehyun you have to me pay at least 4k

namjoon: what is wrong with you

tae: if you want it with sound i have to charge extra

tae changed the gc name to “HOBI GOT HANDS”

y/n: not funny.

namjoon: taehyung please

jin: can’t believe hobi fr punched him

yoongi: i can

hobi: y/n you still mad??

jin: she’s using punctuation

she’s furious ☠️

jimin: sHe’S fUrIoUs 🤓☝🏼

who tf says that

jin: OHMYGOD GET OF MY DICK FOR ONE SECOND I’M BEGGING

jimin: sHe’S fUrIoUs 🤓☝🏼

tae: is she fast too lmao

y/n: shut the fuck up taehyung

tae: okay!

y/n: my boyfriend is fine btw

if any of you actually care

yoongi: don’t

hobi: i’m sorry

y/n: you laughed after you made him bleed

yoongi: didn’t you laugh too lol??

y/n: OKAY I DID A LITTLE

but that’s before i realised hoseok hit him for real

jin: you can hit someone for fake?

tae: you can watch her smile fall after the second punch in the video it’s really funny actually!!!!!!!

y/n: didnt i tell you to shut the fuck up?

tae: you did

i’m sorry

shutting up

like rn ong 🙏🏼

🤐

jin: ?

jimin: it means on god

jin: stop talking to me

jimin: sorry just making sure you got it

slang sure has changed since 1781!!!

jin: 1781????????

jk: omg that’s that one hamilton song

hobi: there is no hamilton song called 1781

jimin: are we talking about the 1975

tae: the what

hobi: aren’t they white?

tae: they????

jimin: HAMILTONS WHITE????

yoongi: the real one is

jimin: there’s a fake hamilton??

tae: hamilton a they/them?

namjoon: you can’t say that

y/n: why are we talking about hamilton?

tae: why can’t i say that?

am i pissing off the feminists? ☠️☠️☠️

namjoon: this has nothing to do with feminism

jin: i’m a feminist

tae: did my they/them hamilton question offend you??

jin: tf does that even mean

jimin: born in 1066 doesn’t even know what pronouns are

jin: fuck you and ur proverbs

y/n: he literally said pronouns

tae: i’m a prosexhaver

yoongi: you have stds

hobi: personally i would like to shoot taehyung

jk: sex haver????

jin: virgin

y/n: he makes me sick

jimin: oh i HATE him

namjoon: deep breaths

tae: ???

wtf

why did you all just turn on me like that?

guys are you jealous of my sex having abilities?

everyone be honest now

y/n: you clearly don’t know what shutting the fuck up includes

tae: ok i’m sorry

never speaking again starting in like

an hour

i promise

y/n: how about now

tae: 30 mins?

y/n: kys

tae: stop flirting omg 🤭

yoongi: idiot

jk: WAIT OMG?

HOBI FR PUNCHED JAEHYUN??/! ö

jin: you were literally there??

jk: I THOUGHT THAT WAS A DREAM

OHMYGOD

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HEHEHE

OMG HOBI THATS CRAZY

UR CRAZY

hobi: i’m not crazy

jimin: like crazy

y/n: you think it’s funny??

jk: NO

no

absolutely not wtf

????????

hoseok why would you do that?

that’s so messed up

shame on you really

shame on you

jimin: ur pathetic actually

namjoon: anyways hobi it was wrong of you to result to violence just because you were jealous

please apologise

y/n please accept his apology you know hobi wouldn’t never want to upset you on purpose he loves and cares for you deeply

kiss and make up guys

you don’t want to fuck up our group dynamic do you???

no?

didn’t think so!!

wow would you look at that we are all friends again

smooth like butter 🧈 💛

dynamite 🧨

borahae in this bangtan shit for life 💜💜

y/n: kys

jk: KISS???????????

jin: hobi was jealous?

hobi: NO?????????

yoongi: interesting

jimin: yeah that’s crazy

hobi: I WASN’T I SWEAR

namjoon: you weren’t???

oh

my fault

hobi: yeah your fault

maybe ur just projecting lol

jimin: yeah calling bullshit

if you didn’t punch him out of jealously

what did you punch him for???

tae: it’s cuz he was like feeling her up right in front of our faces right??

have he no respect?

jk: respect no he have?

tae: stop

jk: sorry

tae: actually nvm you were agreeing with me

agree some more

jk: i agree some more

tae: see?

jk: see??

tae: what a nasty pervert freak of a man

namjoon: look in a mirror

jimin: that’s crazy because i wasn’t talking you

tae: right joon shut the hell up

jk: zip it

jimin: you as in YOU taehyung and jungkook

i was talking to hobi not you guys

jk: oh

tae: we talk for hobi

hobi: no you don’t

tae: we ARE hobi

jk: i’m not hobi

or am i?????

ohmgod am i???

yoongi: ur all so annoying

y/n: ok hoseok wasn’t jealous are you stupid??

why would he be jealous?????

hobi: right!

i was drunk

jin: i swear you didn’t drink last night??

hobi: ur not helping?

jimin: i’m telling you it’s bullshit

tae: ok now let’s talk about how that was coolest thing hobi’s ever done in his life should of tagged me in fr fr

i would of gone crazy no joke 💯💯

we would of got him so bad hobi

#dreamteam 😍

namjoon: taehyung

tae: what?

i’m just saying

y/n: say one more thing

tae: i’m sorry

sorry

SORRY 😢

jimin: so the plot thickens!!

hobi: there is not plot

there is no jealousy

jin: ok why did you punch him then

hobi: i was drunk i said that already

jin: you DIDN’T drink

guys why is he lying to us

do you not trust us???

come on step into my office hoseok

open up to daddy jin

y/n: ew???

jin: ew?

y/n: that’s what i said

jin: but in spainnnnnn

y/n: stop

jin: 🫰🏻

yoongi: hobi do you want to fuck y/n?

hobi: what

yoongi: answer the question

y/n: yoongi wtf???

namjoon: yoongi please

jk: DO NOT ANSWER DO NOT ANSWER DO NOT ANSWER

hobi: i’m not answering that wtf

jimin: i think we all know his answer anyways

yoongi: yeah

but i want him to say it

tae: waitttt kinky

say it hoseok 😋😋😋

namjoon: can we not rn…

jimin: tae you definitely need to add him to ur stupid little group chat

tae: ummmm

it’s not stupid it’s real actually

jk: real men only!!!

tae: hobi are you a real man?

hobi: what

tae: are you real??

hobi: yeah

jk: say it

hobi: say what?

tae: i’m real

hobi: i’m real?

tae: REAL UGLY

HAHAHA

jk: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

hobi: u guys are so unfunny it hurts

tae: got you lolz

namjoon: taehyung stop talking

tae: forgive me? 🥺

hobi tried to come for what we stand for

hobi: i literally didn’t???

it was jimin

jin: hey wait what group chat??

let me in what the hell

yoongi: no

jin: ur in the gc too??

yoongi: am i?

jk: he is

tae me joon and yoongi 💓

namjoon: can you stfu.

jin: EVEN JOON??????

let me in or ur all going to hell

y/n: yeah me too wtf??

tae: jin

between me and you

your invite may arrive soon

i’ve seen your eyes wondering as of late

jin: ????

what

yeah ok nvm!

i think i’ll live not being in ur gc

and if this is about what i think it’s about

count me out

jk: aw man :/

tae: wow so many haters in this life

you’ll regret this

you’ll be begging on ur knees to join real soon

y/n: WHAT ABOUT ME HELLO????

jk: hiiiiiii ^_^

y/n: ykw nvm idc

yoongi: you do

y/n: not

yoongi: yeah ok :3

namjoon: there is no group chat

jk: ??? yes there is don’t be silly joon 😂😂

namjoon: OHMYGOD LEARN HOW TO TAKE A FUCKING HINT

can we move on

wtf why am i asking you guys

i’m the leader

we are moving on.

y/n: THIS IS SEGREGATION

jk: ohmygod is this a race thing???

namjoon not again

jimin: LMFAOOOSJDJJK

y/n: i mean i was talking about gender

but this could be a race thing

is this a race thing????

jk: OHMYGOD NAMJOON UR A SEXIST TOO????

i thought that was just jimin

jin: no ur right

jk: oh ok!

jimin: can you stop

i’m NOT a sexist ok

but hobi DID punch jaehyun

hobi: wtf is ur problem

jimin: sorry i needed to put everyone back on track xx

hobi: there is no track

jimin: no there is a track and i put everyone back on it

jk: train track

yoongi: lay on one?

tae: LAYOVER YES

i know that album

it’s really good

indigo flopped

namjoon: shut up shut up shut up shut up

tae: so like gf wyd rn? *kicks feet giggles*

yoongi kicked tae out of “HOBI GOT HANDS!!”

yoongi: not sorry

jk: it’s ok i forgive you

yoongi: shut up

jk: ok

y/n: he told me we should go on a break…

jk: i had a break on my bike once

then it broke

so i had a breakless bike

and i couldn’t brake

so to stop i would just pedal into walls

my bike to this day has no breaks it makes me sad

namjoon: jungkook please just get a new bike

and y/n i’m sorry to hear about your break

jk: ok >.<

y/n: thanks ig

namjoon: wait

??????

break

ur on break

with jaehyun?

y/n: no i’m on a break with fucking usher

jin: A BREAK?????????????

jimin: WOAH WAIT HOLD ON

yoongi: is he fucking stupid???

jk: USHER???

hobi: no jungkook she’s talking about jaehyun

jk: oh

hobi: jaehyun

nct jaehyun your friend jaehyun.

jk: OHMYGOD WAIT WHAT WHATWHENDHDHDJDJD WHAT OHMYGOF OHMSYSH DKEJEJDJG SISHDJXMISSHENDODJDIDUSJEJFJDKDKFNDBDNDMDNDFNFNFNFMMF

jk added tae to “HOBI GOT HANDS!!”

jk: LOOK

tae: hey guys u missed me 😁?

jk: LOOK

tae: looking

jk: LOOKSKKSKSKDKDKDDKK

tae: holy shit

y/n are you ok??

jimin: THIS IS INSANE

y/n: yeah fuck him and fuck his break

yoongi: i’ll break his neck

jin: jungkook get ur friend

jk: JSNDNDNNDJJDJDFJNDJDJDJDJD ahshshxhdnxndnxnd JAJSHDBSBDBXBXNXNXJXJXJZHHXHXBSHSHSHXHZJZJXJXJXJJXJXJJDD SHSNDNDNDNDNXNDJJDXJXJXJX DHXJDJDNDNDNXXNZN

tae: woah

hobi: but are you like actually ok???

y/n: never been better

namjoon: no fr it’s ok if you’re upset

y/n: i’m not upset

jimin: wow

so like

wow

idk how to comfort people namjoon say something

namjoon: there there?

jin: chin up!!!!!

jk: I AM ALSO SINGLE THIS IS SUCH A COINCIDENCE LIKE WE ARE BOTH SINGLE AT THE SAME TIME WOW LIKE YEAH UR ON A HREAK BUT UR BASICALLY SINGLE THATS REALLY CRAZY LIKE HAHA LOL WE ARE SINGLE LOOK AT US TWO SINGLE PEOPLE WHO HAPPEN TO LIVE TOGETHER MAYBE WE SHOULD IDK LIKE HEHEH JSJSJJSJDJ

yoongi: when are we jumping him??

i can leave now

y/n: shut up

yoongi: you coming over?

y/n: no?

yoongi: boo

y/n: i’m going to hobi’s

hobi: you are??

jimin: to fight or fuck??

y/n: shut up

jin: that’s crazy

hobi broke up a happy home

hobi: i’m genuinely so sorry

i didn’t mean to

y/n: wasn’t even ur fault don’t apologise

he was a acting weird for a while

wanted to live in denial but it’s whatever idc!!!!!!!

tae: you clearly do care and that’s ok

y/n: i DON’T

tae: y/n

y/n: taehyung

jimin: ew like why is taehyung being all serious i hate it

tae: cuz this is serious

y/n: it’s not

tae: it’s ok to be upset

y/n: i know and i’m NOT

tae: y/n

y/n: i’m not upset omg????

stop being weird i’m like so ok it’s crazy

jimin: like crazy lolz

jin: that is the second time you’ve made that joke and it was just as unfunny as it was the first time you said it

jimin: why are you keeping tabs on me and what i say get a LIFE

jin: you make me want to kms

jimin: do it

jin: namjoon get him before i get violent

namjoon: guys can you see we have bigger issues going on rn

be serious for once

y/n: i’m fine

there is no serious issue

i’m ok

no tears

no noting

i’m fine ok? ok

tae: y/n

y/n: tae stop

ykw ur pissing me off

ur all pissing me off

y/n left “HOBI GOT HANDS!!”

hobi: oh wow

jin: i didn’t even do anything fr

jimin: i blame tae

yoongi: jaehyun is a bitch

jk: do you think she’ll let me kiss her now?

namjoon: jungkook shut up

tae do NOT message her

and yoongi do not even THINK about leaving your house rn

i think we need to have a group meeting or something

—

sorry this sucks i just needed a reason to get rid of jaehyun so we could move forward LMAO i’m sorry better things coming soon 😁🙏🏽

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @sopebubbles-replies @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin

[rigil-kentauris]

tw unresolved whining

so i had to cancel my writing ai subscription today because i found out they were doing images and its just making me reflect. i dont use it so i didnt notice, i mostly just wanted to tool to grow and mature. it was like my one indulgence. anyway. i wasnt involved with ai writing tools at the the BEGINNING beginning, but i was definitively there before All This. and i remember having never been so excited in my life about writing. i hadnt actually had fun writing in years, i realized (went to college for creative writing degree, for reference. like this was supposed to be my whole ass Life).

and i felt so hopeful, because it seemed to me that this was the perfect tool for me personally. it filled in all the parts of me i struggle with because of Depression and Exhaustion and We Live In A Society disease. im not sure whether or not i was using it like it was supposed to be used back then (definitely not how its supposed to be used now), but it reall felt like having a dance partner. we went back and forth sentence by sentence (sometimes word by word), making something that pushed and challenged me because it would 'write' things that i wouldnt have even considered. and i could go off of that one word or turn of phrase for paragraphs. until i got stuck. and i suppose you could get that if you wrote with another human being, which could be cool, but it was also a paradoxically safe space. sometimes you dont want to write extremem trauma whump angst with other people and i think thats okay

and it was fun. and there were issues. but it was okay

and then the art bots came.

and i felt... angry, obviously, on behalf of all the artists who were getting jacked. but i was also... pissed off. because all of a sudden people hated AIs for theft unilaterally (a good thing to be mad about) but they hadnt given a shit before. back when it was writing. because i am also a writer of normal human works. on places where content was being scrapped from. and all of a sudden there was a new cultural norm, at least in the circles i cared to be in, and no one cared about writers. at all. in fact to date ive only seen one post/piece about ai theft of text and i went out looking for that.

and it was like. i hadnt thought about the datasets before, not really. no one thinks of this is stealing (fiction) writers jobs. its only just now, like the past couple months just now, becoming a talked about problem because it steals journalists and REAL writers jobs. academic jobs. serious good people. not nasty little fiction writers. much less poets i am not a poet but i have never ever seen anyone talking about ais taking jobs from poets. and they can. people who think ai cant write mostly, i think, dont know how to use them correctly. (then again i also think people who think they CAN write fall under the same umbrella, so... ai writing programs have. problems as unique spottable and predictable as image ais adding an extra finger.)

anyway at the time, though, i hadnt really thought about tet theft in datasets. back then you really had to KNOW what generative ais were to understand what was going on. no one was explaining except to other people who got it. and of the people who got it, no one was talking about it. i wish they had been. obviously we are all of us individually responsible for our participation in society but. why wasnt anyone talking about it before? why is it okay to steal someones words? or at least, passable. why is it still passable?

it just makes me feel things. and i dont have any answers. besides that writing AIs should be the EASIEST thing in the world to fix. unlike with art, the public domain for written fiction is both massive and still popular. as in, people will use an AI trained on older writing whereas AFAICT, the only ai image makers that make money need to mass-steal anime and pop art. no one's arguing about Ye Olde Oil Painting Ai.

i dunno. it feels. odd. because obviously i cant support a place that steals. but i feel some kind of emotion about dropping a tool that made me feel connected to writing again, in order to support a (good and important) fight that doesnt seem to care about writers at all

i dont have any resolution. just upsetness. i wish we could use this tool for all the good its capable of. instead right now its just a big theft machine.

one day with the march of tech i guess we'll be able to run beasts like these on our own, and then i think we'll see more ethical options. it just sucks in the meantime.

[omegawolverine]

👀 mcc discourse? /gen

okay mcc discourse time everyone strap in

the three things i see people being pissed about most often are the lack of lgbt+ people in the event, the specific lgbt+ creators playing and, of course, technoblade being involved. so, let's break down why all three of these things are fucking dumb.

1) "there isnt enough lgbt+ creators".

this would be a fair argument that i could get behind...if not for the way mcc is set up for this specific event—and by that i mean it is a youtube sponsored event. the ccs involved need to have platforms on youtube to be able to participate to begin with, as it is a charity event. mcc doesn't have a lot of lgbt+ streamers involved this time around because a lot of those streamers straight up could not stream this event and scott literally said this himself.

on top of that, this isnt a "get invited and you can play!" event, it is a "you need to apply to be involved" event, meaning, if people dont meet the deadline, or they dont apply at fucking all, they cant play. that's not on fucking scott or anyone organizing mcc, that is on the ccs (if they even wanna be involved, i could not blame them for avoiding mcc after last times mess) who didnt apply in time/at all.

2) "there isnt enough diversity in the lgbt+ streamers" aka "im erasing people's identities and, again, disregarding the literal qualifications for this mcc which include having a youtube platform"

i keep seeing people bring up how every lgbt+ person in mcc is white and able bodied and neurotypical etc etc (which is an inaccurate statement anyways) as reasons why they "arent good enough" or they're bringing up how there "isnt any of [x] sexuality/gender involved" as if that's the organizers faults and i uh. i hate to break it to yall but, again, this is an apply to get in event. if these ccs that were "more diverse" (bc why the fuck are we referring to these ccs playing in fucking minecraft championship as some weird ass diversity characters instead of real life people who are more than their race, disability, etc.) met the requirements and were lgbt+ but just didnt apply, while a lot of other white, cis, neurotypical, able bodied, whatever the fuck else, did? yeah. nobody can change that. scott didnt just pick and chose who gets to play, there are literal rules for this event and also applications that are involved like?? hello????? and obviously i would love to see some more lgbt+ creators from different backgrounds with different identities in the cast, that would be awesome, but that is ultimately not up to the organizers. they cant force people to play. they cant skip people in the waiting lists. they can't have people who cant stream be involved in this mcc as their first event, both because it would be sad for them not to stream their first mcc and because it is a literal charity event.

and, to make things worse, a lot of people are saying there "isnt any trans people this mcc" which is just. a blatant lie. eret isnt cis and sqiashey is genderfluid, yall just dont like eret so you decide to refer to her as a "cis man" constantly, which is transphobic, and yall also dont know sqiashey so instead of doing research, you started running ur mouths and then didn't apologize when you got called on it.

like. even if eret was truly problematic, which i dont believe they are as they have apologized for every little mistake theyve made and dealt with the backlash from entitled little privileged teenagers online all while not complaining even the slightest bit, that still doesnt give you a right to misgender them and erase their identity as a non cis person entirely because you're mad over a fucking minecraft event like??? how fucking privileged you must be that this is what gets you heated. not any actual homophobia or transphobia, but apparently "lgbt+ people in minecraft not being diverse enough". choke.

3) "technoblade is a lesphobe, why is he in mcc"

tw on this section: i discuss my expierences with homophobia as an afab nblw briefly and reclaim the d slur (if you wanna read this section and avoid the homophobia discussion and/or d slur, skip from "as someone who is nblw" to "techno making a shitty joke").

all of techno's lesphobic comments are from 5+ years ago and were, at worst, jokes in poor taste. as someone who is nblw, i have had men follow me and my friend around and call us dykes for holding hands in a museum, i have had my family members harrass me for my sexuality and casually talk about how im gross and wrong for liking girls and i have been punished by literal teachers for showing "too much pda" with my past girlfriends despite the fact that ive never even kissed someone on campus before, just held hands and hugged. techno making some shitty jokes when he was a teenager years ago, while also having a plethora of examples of him being an lgbt+ ally, which does include lesbians, should not be treated the same way as literal bigots calling queer people slurs. and if you think it should be, you have had it fucking lucky.

yes, it is valid to be upset over these jokes, they're fucking weird and he shouldnt have made them, but to treat it with the exact same seriousness as a grown ass adult showing blatant homophobia in current times? no. fuck no.

extra notes bc there's some minor discourse points i left out: no, dream team shouldnt get to be involved in this event over other cishet ccs involved just because they have bigger platforms because this quite literally isnt about them, it's about lgbt+ people and they just didnt happen to get in. shut the fuck up. stop mentioning ant and velvet as people who shouldve been involved, they're quite literally together rn doing little daytrips and shit and they most likely dont wanna spend their time together playing fucking minecraft. also, stop saying techno should be replaced with ranboo (or anyone for that matter), it breaks ranboo's fucking boundaries and him donating 100k to the trevor project doesnt suddenly mean he gets to skip the mcc waiting list.

in conclusion: twitter stop whining over pride mcc, your privilege is showing.

(tagging @tauntwenthome bc you said you wanted to hear as well <3)

[sainadazai]

When your crush is angry all the time

Ch.4

I wanna be an intern too, you ragedy ann looking ass hoe 😠



Y/n pov

°•○●○•°•○●○•°

All goes well when you are ignorant is what my dear best friend would say to me now, as I sit in the very back of the class unfocused on how our teacher is introducing an activity I have no chance of participating in. All I knew was that when Mr. Aizawa walked up to the board and wrote names of people getting offers, I wasn't one of them. Not that I expected to be, considering I wasn't in the sports festival, let alone the school at all back then. 

However, I did notice a small inconsistency in the order of the most offers. I was pretty sure that boom boom had gotten first place in the festival, him being there is what convinced me to transfer, but his name was actually second on the board. 

Todoroki had taken the place of first as far as offers were concerned. Todoroki the nice boy who I used to meet when I snuck away from my fucking prison cell. Call me privileged for complaining about living in a mansion All my life, but I much prefer being here. With common folk. They ground me. 

I peeked up from my phone at the red and white head of hair in front of me, he didn't seem all that fazed. Although maybe it was just the lack of seeing his face that made me believe he couldn't care less about all but one of those offers. Still, his business is his, and my business is the new Ao3 update on my favorite chrollo lucilfer fanfiction. What a babe. 

I decided that the class as of right now would be of no importance to me, considering I will have no offers, and bakugou-the reason I came here- hates me like I'm a piece of gum stuck under his shoe.  Through that conclusion I allowed myself to dissolve into the world of hxh and forget about how boring this world is. 

Could my power beat Killua or go in a fight? I mean, it doesn't enhance my strength like they did trying to get into Killua's house so physically they must be stronger. 

"Y/n! Is there something you would like to share with the class?"

Mr.Aizawas voice seemed almost shot at me as my gaze rose from my phone in my lap to meet him at the front of the room. He looked displeased to say the least. Well good for him, im displeased too, I might not be able to beat a fucking twelve year old in combat. 

"Huh?"

"You were grumbling, what's so important you had to tell us, hm?"

I thought it through for a second- just kidding, I never think anything through. 

"Oh, well I wasn't sure if I could beat Gon in a fight, but I'm not coming to the realization that if Chrollo is my boyfriend, I shouldn't have to fight anyone at all. I can just be a pretty face in the backgrounds and then after he wins for me i'll suck his-"

"Enough, y/n." Mr.Aizawa no longer held a tired looking face, his eyes were wide and an uncomfortable cringed was set on his face. As I peered at the rest of the class many also had shocked eyes, but unlike our teacher, held faint blushes. 

Minus midoriya, his face was completely red and his eyes void of life. I must've killed him, huh. 

"Wait!"

In an attempt to regain some dignity, I tried to correct myself.

"I would....not suck his-?"

"Don't even say it, shitty princess !"

"Woah bakugou, you spoke to me on purpose!?"

"Shut up!"

"Hey, how come you call me princess, you like me or something?"

He growled at that, neither of us paying mind to the fact that everyone in the class was either dead from nosebleeds or extremely uncomfortable and staring at us.  

"Its cuz you act fucking entitled like a princess"

"I'll be your pillow princes-"

"Enough!" A robotic-like hand sliced the air in front of me. The voice sounded firm, almost more teacher-like than our teacher's voice. I followed my gaze up the hand, not failing to notice how as I drew up the guy's arm his muscles only seemed to get bigger and bigger and- iida? 

"Oh class rep-"

"Y/n this vulgar language and border-line harassment needs to cease immediately. I will not tolerante overtly sexual language and acts in this class-"

As he was speaking I noticed something ironic about the situation. If everyone here didn't like sexual jokes or banter, how were they so flustered at comments that objectively should be unknown to them. 

"How did you know what I meant, iida?" I rasped in a low sultry voice, allowing my fingers to dance up his arm starting at the wrist in front of my face. 

I heard a few chuckles from, who I would say are the only two people enjoying this situation: kaminari and...stinky mineta. Iida's face grew more red than previously and the arms in front of me began shaking. 

"Mr.Aizawa it seems I've disarmed the robot. Is there a restart button or something?" I question with a serious face using the search as an excuse to wonder my eyes all over his body. Perverted? Yes. Rightfully attracted to this giant hunk of a nerd. Yes ×10. 

"No, there is not." Todoroki, who was in front of me, finally turned around to address me. I guess he was unfazed by my words. Looks like someone here can be cool. Whether he is okay because he is more comfortable with sexual jokes, or because he has yet to pick up on them, its nice that somebody in here can still function. Otherwise, I'd feel like a nuisance. 

"Y/n I'm not really sure how to- let's just say to have detention with your m- midnight. Detention. Yeah." Aizawa publicly convinced himself of my punishment? 

"Okay"

"Now, back to this, even if you didn't get any offers ALL of you will have an internship" 

And so went on the class, kids chose their hero names, not me though. I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a hero at all, this was just a little less boring and sad than the way I lived before. This school had people who laughed in joy, not just to mask the pain. That was the real benefit, not being a hero, or being strong. Likely no one here realized that there were many places where none of this joy was possible. 

Some of the kids in class gave me suggestions for a hero name, but I didn't like them anyway. They lacked personality, and while I have many adjectives to describe my personality, my life, none of them are all that heroic. 

"Dark element"

"Girl who will die if her quirk doesnt like its environment" 

See, I'm not the best at this. Even bakugan names had some sense to it...well no. I'd say we're about the same, but still. Ugh. 

~timeskip~ 

Bakugou pov 😠

She came up with no hero names. Fucking entitled brat. Everyone at this lunch table seems to have no problem with the fact that she is here, just happy to have another pair of tits to stare at like perverts. Their gross. I bet she doesn't even want to be a hero, she sure as hell doesn't act like it. We don't even know what her whole quirk is. Ive seen her do that plant shit a couple times, fucking with flowers or whatever. Still, there's more to it. Something we don't know, at least. Cuz in the middle of class she gets up and whispers to Aizawa and he just lets her go. Where the fuck does she go? 

Interrupts class, got into the school because her moms a teacher, won't use her quirk. What a nuisance, I can't believe she is not expelled yet. Plus those bullshit sex jokes are so shitty. She is obviously faking something when she does them. Not like midnight, who always at least seems like she means that gross shit. 

"Hey, who did you guys choose for your internship? I haven't chosen yet."

"The number three hero guy," I spoke, knowing I'm the only person here who already chose. 

"Really? Best jeanist! That's so cool, but are you sure that for you bakugou?" Shitty hair raised a shitty brow at me. 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!?"

"Just that he seems pretty...uptight..for you?" Dunceface added, but he spoke like it was a question. Of course he is the hero for me, he is the highest ranting hero on my list. If I wanna be number one, I gotta train with the best. 

If I go to his agency I'm sure there will be a lot more action, since he is so high ranking. Then i'll get some real experience kicking villain ass, well, other than the USJ. 

"Of course he is the right option!"

"Woahhh~"

Shit. It's her voice. I honestly should applaud her for using it less often around me but, how can one small girl be so goddamn annoying. I don't even know what she has to say and I already wish she would just put a sock in it. How can someone so entitled like her, probably never had to lift a finger, walk  over here and talk like she has something to say. 

"You're working with the best jeanist! So cool, one time he saved me from a group of rapist guys, it was awesome with all these strings everywhere and I could only see half of his face. Oh and he had goofy hair too!"

Oh. I didn't really know how to respond to the girl who looked so excited about almost being violated. Another thing wrong with her? I looked back at the other people at the table to see if they knew how to respond to something like that. 

Dunceface was frozen, tape arms were frozen, shitty hair was frozen, and alíen eyes were looking like a lost puppy and trying not to cry. 

It didnt seem like the shutty princess was exactly understanding how what she just yelled was making things weird. She just stood there expectantly. She kinda looked like she thought being raped was something that must happen to everyone. Did she think that? Wouldn't put it past her weird ass. 

"Uhm...anyways, i'm sure you'll do awesome, he likes to put boys in tight jeans. Wish I could intern too, I'd love to see that boom boom~" she winked. 

A perverted joke...and then she had the audacity to wink at me. 

"You wish you could see me in tight jeans, shitty extra!"

"I know...thats what a I just said." She dead panned, blinking a couple times at me. 

"Tch, screw you!"

"I would-" 

"Can it, i don't wanna hear your shitty voice anymore"

The girl stopped herself after my words, pushing all her hair behind her head, except for the two blond stands in the front. 

(You don't have to acknowledge these if you don't want, but I made it so that they change color depending on what element your using and I thought it was hot*if you have short hair, then you just got a lil nishinoya type thing 🥰)

Lifted her obnoxious hands that moved around while she talked and made a zipper-like motion over her lips. Then she just stood there looking at me. I really wanted to just let her stand there and go back to eating. Ignore her completely and let her hope fizzle out and die or something like that. 

Yet here I am, still looking at her. Silently. Wishing she made a stupid joke so that I could stop flickering between those images I'd seen of her dancing. How even though ballet is a princess fucking dance, the pictures felt nice. Like if I was watching it live I would probably be unable to criticize it. That pissed me off, because I want to hate everything about her, but I can't hate those photos. Where she looks like she is flying, without any need for a quirk.

I see her in that weird gown, and now, in the UA uniform. I see her looking respectable, formal, and serious. Then I see her stupid little smirk as she takes pride in being able to shut up for more than a minute. 

"Why are you still standing there?"

Instead of answering, she took her hand up again, made a pinch with her fingers and unzipped her mouth. 

"I was enjoying the look in your eyes."she smiled. 

The look in my eyes? Could she tell I was seeing two different people? What the hell does that even mean? Even said it without that shitty flirt voice. Like she meant it. 

"You tryna make fun of me?"I stood up from the table to get in her face.

"Not right now, maybe later, I gotta do something." She smiled sincerely at me, for a second as she walked away, I forgot about how this conversation started. What a wierd fucking girl. I'll never respect her as a hero. Tch. (Yes, its canon he tchs even in his thoughts) 

3rd person POV 

Y/n briskly walked out of the cafeteria with a new goal in mind. She would come to remember how maybe being oblivious was a benefit in some ways, but for now, she had a clear plan .

"Mr.Aizawa, let me do an internship."

"You weren't in the festival, I can't just hand you to a hero who has no idea what you can do, y/n."

"Well, you know what I can do, right?"

"No. I'm not doing internships. Stop asking."

"That's not what I meant! You can just tell them, or I could, it's not that hard to explain. Just say i'm all- powerful or some play on words like 'she's got all the right elements' hehe, see how i mimicked your voice there?" Y/n grinned like a child. She was proud of herself. 

"No. Still not happening."

"I wanna be an intern too, you raggedy ann looking ass hoe" 

"Y/n, it doesn't make sense, insulting me to get what you want?"

"Maybe it doesn't, but I bet you feel real insecure about your hair right now."

"You already have detention, what more do you want!"

"An internship, I wanna do one with kamui Woods, I have a good reason, too. As far as my quirk control, i'm the weakest with earth, the aspect that allows me to grow and manipulate plants and stuff. That's why I've only been using that part of it all month. Im trying to get her up to speed so I can start using all four at once. He is like a tres guy, right? He manipulates earth all day long. He could teach me a lot, and that aspect of my quirk would suit his well. Please!?!?!?"

If the girl had just asked again in a normal way, his answer would have been the same. However Aizawa was taken aback to hear how much thought she put into this. From the stories of the teachers lounge, he came to understand her big life goal, was to rely fully on a rich man or woman, and do nothing at all forever. Just to try and forget about the terrible life she was destined to have because of that quirk.

This side of her was something he could not even her mother had seen, and it prompted him to speak those words she wanted to hear so badly.

"Fine." 

[maddiphicent]

I saw this and I love it so much I decided to participate. Right now imma be using my favorite para, but I'll probably change it. I kinda googled some questions so i could start this easier, but let's go!

Paramay Day one-Intro

1. What is your paras full name?

Lea Marie Ogden/Blomish/Sadler depending on what part of her life you are referring too.

2. How did your para's parents decide on their name?

Lea Marie's dad left before she was born and her mom hated Lea Marie since she was pregnant so she never even picked out a name for the "little parasite." When she was born, her mom spat at the nurse telling her to pick out a name. The nurse chose Lea Marie, after her aunt who just passed.

3. How tall are they?

5'3"

4. What do they look like?

She's of Japanese/Greek decent with dark black hair till shes 17 (and had to kill her brother out of self defense) and her hair turns gray from the trauma of it. Her eyes are deep blue.

5. What is their birthday (month, date, and year)?

February 29th, 1992. Her mom used to tell Lea Marie she was born on a leap year so she could have "less birthdays" then everyone else because no one should be celebrating her birth. After being adopted, her step mom celebrated her birthday on non-leap years on both February 28th and March 1st because it was extra special and needed to be celebrated for 2 whole days!

6. Where were they born?

New Jersey, 25 minute train ride from NYC. I never settled on a town because I dont know much about geography anyway but also because Lea Marie grew up in a town with a lot of gang violence going on. It's the main reason her teachers never cared about her obvious abuse in her house. Everyone showed up with bruises and scars.

7. Where were their grandparents’ born?

Japan! They came over from Japan in the 1940s and changed their last names to a more english sounding one in order to hopefully find a job easier.

8. Where do they live now?

NYC. Lea Marie and her husband Jared are broadway actors.

9. Do they have any medical problems, diseases, injuries?

Because her mom smoked/drank while pregnant, the muscles in Lea Marie's legs and lower back never full formed. As a result she can't walk without assistance. She uses crutches and a wheelchair to get by (depending). She prefers her crutches but a wheelchair is easier in most situations. In the winter she almost exclusively has to use a wheelchair because of how much her legs and back hurts. When she was a kid/teenager it didnt bother her as much but in her adult life it really messes with her.

10. What religion are they, and why?

I guess pagan? Her dad is literally Hermes so she kinda has to believe in the greek gods, but with how much shit her stepbrother and her gave gone through as a result of them she sure as hell doesnt worship them.

11. What kind of house/apartment do they live in?

As a kid, she lived with her grandparents till she was 4. Imagine the most basic of suburban white family homes and that's where she lived. After she lived with her mom in a tiny, very shitty 1 bedroom/1 bathroom home. Lea Marie's "room" was the laundry room where a washer and dryer never even existed because she was too poor. Her bed was a beanbag chair and 2 pillows. After being adopted she moves into her stepparents 3 bedroom/2 bath apartment in NYC where she sleeps in a bed for the very first time in her life.

Now she lives in a one story house, 2 bedroom house in nyc (which I don't think exist but it's my paracosm and I will do whatever the hell I want!). The one bedroom is a regular bedroom while the other is a recording studios for her and her husband to record (mostly covers) in but Lea Marie also writes her own songs and music.

12. Do they have any pets?

Jared is deathly allergic to every animal, so no. But Lea Marie still loves all animals and would love to own a dog, but knows she cant.

13. Are you married? If so, what is your spouse’s name?

As previously mentioned, she is to her husband Jared Sadler (he goes by his middle name but I never actually came up with a first name for him). They've been best friends since they were 8 years old and started dating when they were 16, got married when they were 24. They started dating after they were the lead roles in Legally Blonde for their theater company so I kinda have to add (very cheesily) "if there ever was a perfect couple this one quailfies" because they've never fought once and both are so understanding and patient with each other.

14. What kind of car do they drive?

Lea Marie doesn't drive mostly because shes too scared to do so but also...she lives in NYC so theres no actual point.

15. What was their first job?

She played guitar in Book of Mormon. When people ask what her first show was never never knows if that counts or not. She did that for a year before going on to play Bazzard.

16. What is their dream job?

To play Elphaba in Wicked! She had seen the show 237 times prior to getting the role (because yes she gets the role. She deserves it). Her husband got the role of firero at the same time.

17. What are other facts/stories about them?

Lea Marie's first language was Japanese (which she learned from her grandparents) then sign language (which she learned from Jared's brother in daycare when she was 3), then english (which she became fluent when she was around 8 in because she was in the same class as Jared's brother and often watched the interrupter), and after being claimed by Hermes at camp half blood she was given the gift of tongues (which isnt a thing in the books but it makes sense since Hermes is the god of travel) so she can speak any language that's not Latin.

She had selective mutism until she was 18. She only spoke to people who she actually thought would listen and value her opinion. The most people she talked to at one time was 20. This is because her mom silenced her and didn't allow her to make any noise at home. If she did she would either be hit or locked in her room for days on end. After extensive therapy, she finally started talking to everyone. However she still barely talks as is unless she has to talk. At home she uses mostly sign language to Jared (even though he makes her comfortable to talk). But if you ever get her drunk, she will not stop talking! She will tell you every story ever when she's drunk. Jared loves it because he loves her so much and loves when shes comfortable enough to talk. The only other time she talks more than usual is if shes in a really good mood.

She is adept at pick pocketing and only has been caught once when she was 8 when she stole a $10k watch off a very important, very terrible business man in NYC. She panicked when caught and threw it down a drain. They gave her a choice to go to jail (cause the guy was a terrible person) or join the theater company in her hometown that was created because of all the gang violence to give kids something to do after school (very aware this is not how things work but it's my paracosm). She joined the theater and learned to play the guitar at first just trying not to be seen until Jared begged her to audition. After reminding him she like talking, Jared told her "but it's not you talking! It's the character! You're someone completely different up there. Everyone want to hear what you say!" Lea Marie loved this idea and so she did audition and got the part of little red riding hood in into the woods. She loved plays ever sense because she loved being someone shes not.

Her favorite movie is legally blonde and it was also the only lead role she got in said theater company.

She learned how to do guitar solos on an acoustic guitar when her mom wasnt home because someone told her disabled people cant play the guitar and she wanted to prove them wrong. (She played the electric at the theater).

Her mom works as a manager of the only gas station in town.

She was kicked out of a total of 4 schools. Once when she was 8 for starting a fight, once when she was 10 for finishing a fight, once when she was 14 because she was caught having sex in a janitors closest, and once when she was 15 because she was caught having sex in the boys bathroom. The first 3 were in new jersy in her home town while the last one was in NYC since no school in New Jersey wanted her. Her mom was pissed she had to pick her up so often and when she was kicked out her mom was threatening to kill her. She was so scared she got out of the car and "ran" to her best friends apartment (where she spent most of her time anyway and was pretty much their daughter). Her best friends mom and step dad adopted her a week later (not how things work but in my paracosm because demigods are so dangerous they have a law specifically for them to not be placed in foster care if avoided so as not to cause more trouble).

I think I just dumped a lot but I still might add onto this later. This is so fun and I'm glad this is a thing! I cant wait to read about your paras!

[akalegos]

Could you tell us a little about your characters?

Y E S !

but due to me having at least over a thousand characters I’ll just give a quick summary of the 25 I manage to dig up over 3 sketchbooks.

Y’all can pick and choose which of them interest yall or who you wanna hear more about!

Also because I’m extra, I made sketch icons for the 25 characters, info under the cut

I’ll talk a bit more about my actual Original Characters first, starting with

Aiko! Otherwise known as Echo

- A marked individual in a steampunk world that gets mixed with magic, because I like both of those things

- Echo runs an underground lab that does helps the underground world with replacing body parts, illegal surgeries etc etc

- Even though she marked, which puts a bounty on her head already, she is well respected by the community for not cheating for your money, stealing your cash, or shanking/killing you mid-surgery

- however, Echo does long for adventure and sometimes do get bored in the lab

oh yeah,, Echo like stealing eyeballs, so if you’re low on cash and wouldn’t mind losing an eye, you know who to call!!

Bonus:

Here’s Echo’s boring, undeveloped sidekick!! I don’t like her and I don’t know how to make her better. Yes, she doesn’t have a name.

here’s my god playboy that left “heaven” due to having an early mid-life crisis, I call him God boi cause;

- He goes by many names! 

tbh, he’s probably the closest character I have to being genderfluid/-neutral? I’m not sure,,

- The god has many powers, from lightning to shapeshifting

- The shapeshifting part allows him to change every part of himself, allowing him to change depending on his situation.

- God boyo, or originally Aristide, is obsessed with the idea of perfection. A god should be perfect, if a god is out of line, he is no god. 

- Same goes for him, which means whenever something is wrong with him, it affects him, extremely

However, leaving the land of gods to live among humans aren’t all perks

- Aris isn’t immune to diseases or injuries. In fact, he actually fell down and died on impact when he came to earth, being reborn into another child immediately.

- He doesn’t gain his memories back automatically tho!! He has to have a major shock to the brain in order for him to remember his previous lives

- Sometimes the shock isn’t enough either, when you have a thousand over lives, you won’t remember every single one of them. So forgotten lovers coming back to haunt because your brain hates you? That’s everyday for him!

i just,, i like playing with the concepts of god,,

Up next we got Ayeka Himura! A japanese student going to a neighborhood, but still a pretty good, school living close to poverty due to her father’s constant spending habits and obsession with art supplies. With the household lacking a mother due to wacky shenanigans, Ayeka takes care of her two younger siblings and the house, all while maintaining a very well-paid job and slowly loosing interest in actually studying for a good, honest job.

also she likes birds!!

Yes her design is heavily “based” off Toga but I love her current design too much to change it, h e l p

So like,, I suck at chinese and I made ocs that exclusively spoke in chinese to help with that but I’m still stuck at 40~marks

I forgot his scar but remembered his earring i hate myself

my og chinese kiddo! he was was first to come and I love his design ever since

he radiates fuck you energy except the girl below. He’s neighbors with her and they acknowledge each other existence ever since. he has a dumb cliche crush on her and is a bit protective of her because nothing says having issues than latching onto someone that makes you happy

Only this girl got named!! even tho she was the second character.

Li Shen, yes she doesnt have a surname, is apparently main ho now, according to my old oc chart of my “main” ocs

She’s the group’s resident sweetheart and really does not want you to do stupid shit, stop doing stupid shit. She tutors my son up there ^^ even though he’s actually smart and just refuses to do his work properly. But she still deeply cares for him.

As well as the girl below shdifhd

the last girl of the ching chong trio and the reason I had to switch up my son’s design is this girly over here! Her design was too business-y and formal so I enrolled all of them into college. A rich girl who doesn’t know how to deal with her g a y thoughts. Tried sending Li Shen some flowers once. She didn’t realize attaching her name would be a good idea and son got a good laugh.

i like paranormal stuff so they apparently look into that shit in their spare time. They’re all actually really fun characters to do prompts with I swear!! send some in and I’ll write them

I had a previous concept for son and Li Shen before last girl came and if yall want me to talk about it,,, i found my sketchbook with the old ideas,,

NEXT UP IS MY OLD GIRL ELORA!!

Elora herself used to be a fan character but I pulled her out and wow\

cant fucking believe she used to be straight for Vylad

shes the outgoing, fun adventure type! bit of mommy issues here and there tho,, I don’t want to say too much since I have an entire for her +

her now upgraded bro, Vincent

i really like the name vincent,,

also now he has mommy issues

Ead, the knight who used to have armor

I hate drawing armor 

he also have issues

AND IRIS MY SWEET GIRL IM SO SORRY

she doesnt have that much issues tho

basically I made elora and her bro have mommy issues, I’m sorry in advance if that spoils anything

I, sometimes, post about these 4 over on @eloradiesismydocsname​ and its a gay ol’ time

not that gay tho because uhh,, medieval times,, but I need prompts for a modern au of them and I am happy to talk about their personalities and even go semi in-depth for any of them!!

here we have ghoster.png,, which is her file name cause I didn’t name her,,

A horror enthusiast + film student that goes to a supposedly haunted shack to film her upcoming project with the boys. wacky shenanigans occur and the boys left leaving ghoster here to starve and eventually fall to her death. But because it’s my oc i get to bring her back from the dead, now hungry as ever and will fucking eat you, its not a kink thing, shes just that hungry and angry

tax fraud.png

a robo girl that i created during social studies cause they were talking about taxes and i just went, “what if,, a robo runs on taxes,,, and like,, she haunts you down for not paying your taxes,,” thus she was born! I don’t know what to name her but she is set in the future so-

Time to go future-apocalypse style because I love that setting too and was upset that I didn’t have any ocs in that style. So I created Alex A. ! A cybrog filled with memories of the previous generations as a sad attempt to preserve human life.

He’s accompanied by his sister/cousin idr i didn’t draw an icon for her, didnt like her design. they go on a hunt for food and to return with nothing. She gets to meet this other dude who has a plant arm im pretty sure i based him off someone’s elses oc but i cant remember. The 3 are forgotten. Kinda want to bring them back tho.

Neon! A character set in the future utopia of lazy people, where gamers rise up. its the best I can describe her story without getting too deep. She the new hacker on the block, joining the underground gang of elite hackers. She’s another one of those wacky characters that just has fun. I mean, when you know your way around codes and the world you live in is full of it, would you not take advantage of that?

as for fan characters,, uhh,, i have em

STARTING WITH MY WIFE!

Alexzandra Zara oh my god i forgot to draw her necklace and shirt

anyways,, Alexzandra is one of the more older ocs I have that didnt get a big revamp. Only an au I develop to the point I forgot the actual shows and the original cast are a little different from the source haha what? She’s the emotionally unstable german war veteran, yes the wife thing isn’t mutual, and haha shes only 27~. I cling onto her so much?? She’s hits a lot of “edgy” points but I still love her cause idk,, the story I made for her is something I hold dear cause Alexzandra was one of my first ACTUALLY DEVELOPED CHARACTER. Is it wrong to say I hold her really close to my heart? Is that weird? probably a little cringy sorry haha. I probably project a little into her which might have strengthened my love for her ack. Her story delves more into the depression very unstable needs to talk to someone side and i get scared talking about my wife’s story online so uhh, idk ask me specific questions about her, I’ll be more inclined to talk.

Dr Watts! The spoiled ass dick that stole dst Wilson’s house and yes this is a dst oc, yes im slightly sorry.

He’s just fun?? almost ran a blog with him and a friend’s oc. He’s your typical uptight old science gramps that took advantage of the fact that no one knows his real name that he calls himself a doc. He’s not. I put everything about him up to a 9-10? He’s one of those wacky characters and I love him for it! His story is really wonky tho so might need help solidifying that part 

and from the angry old man to my sweet man that will adopt you even if you’re noisy or call him ginger. Pilot here is a TF2 OC I made to interact with other tf2 OCs cause some of them are fun and i wanna join in :((

He’s the Canadian stereotype, and yes, he adopted scout, that was one of my character notes. 

Like the actual cast of tf2, there’s barely any real story to him. I only gave him a vague I don’t know my past but hey, i fly really really well. He participated in war unlike certain men but he’s still really nice and will only kill you if you hurt his family. Which he doesn’t know so he just considers the cast his family. He keeps mentioning a wife though, pretty sure he doesn’t have one but you do what makes you happy son.

Ai! an oc I HEAVILY revamped oh my god i hate her old vers. So if yall remember my random shouting of missing my og son, Aru. Here’s his bff. cause he barely has any actual friends that give a shit. And I just cant have that. but here’s your yandere revamped into a last minute addition. I actually feel like I did Ai a lot of justice. I don’t want to delve too deep cause I will start making charts. I’ll do that in a separate post if yall are keen

Isamu Aena! a mp100 oc I made by accident cause idk,, I was thinking about lolita fashion and all of a sudden, the actual oc I was going to make turned into a mob psycho oc. She’s one of my few ocs where her sexuality matters (she’s gay yeah) cause it plays a role in her storyline. She went from being “manipulated”/used to Mob’s wingwomen. She spots out things that can help him in the romantic department cause she’s into romance. A student of the school Mob infiltrated and a fantastic tailor, not to mention a pretty decent pyschic. wait where do models get their lolita stuff from,,

im gonna ignore that and move onto Lillian Yi! Who, i swear i did not meant for it, is very close to lloyd. I mean,, none of the ninjas were with him after s3, who you think he’d meet. Lillian is a survivor from the Great Devourour and yes I’m still pissed LEGO stole my backstory for Lillian to use for Harumi. FUCK YOU LEGO, i still love both of em tho,, The event did leave a big scar and it made Lillian job jumping for a bit, ending at Chen’s Noodles in S6~, where ya know,, stuff got better. She was a medalist for gymnastics and continue the activity, even after her parents’ death, to please others. She was already lost at the time so staying in the sport would help, right? Needless to say, after being rejected at a cop academy for youths, or something similar, she gave up for a while but got back into the idea of saving people by using her skills she already had. It helped with the weight and feelings and meeting the green ninja was a very big bonus. Also Lloyd dubbed her the “mysterious stranger” when she refused to speak in fear of her identity, slight shame, and maybe a bit of being star struck. It helped Lloyd too in a sense where he had something to distract him from Zane’s passing.

 Their relationship was eventually formed, strong and almost unbreakable, except for harumi but uhh thats a different story. Throughout the seasons, they stayed close and lloyd was always comforted by Lillian went times get ruff.

Also Lillian is my most light-hearted characters and I think that says a lot

Then there’s Nite “I don’t want to be your dad”. A character that is supposed to be in the ninjago world but barely interacts with the main story and only stays in his self contained plot. He was supposed to get a bf but uhhh idk. He’s the master of shifting and streams that online, taking out small crimes, and is actually really shy and doesn’t like interacting with people.

also haha fortnite

Nora Akino, the sin of despair! its an ad thing, I think. She speaks only in a foreign language that only Odin understands and is either big gay for Ava or Maggi, she can’t pick. And yes she did drink the vial, when TITAN attacks your planet and you accidentally die, how else can you meet your family again? also my grandpa walked in and said she looks like royalty. cool-

she wouldn’t leave my hand for like,, 3 days or something

Petri, a fellow troublemaker at camp campbell’s music camp. She managed to pick the camp because apparently a parent who doesn’t acknowledge your hard work don’t read the fine print! Please let David adopt her,,

LASTLY! Yukimaru Atsuko, hero name; Gummie. She goes by Yuki and is a big dick. She’s a studious student but gets more thrills on the actual battlefield. Living with her uptight grandma and her big bottom energy bro, she has the dom energy thing going. and apparently folks on G+, or the people who comment about her, thinks she’s really pretty, which was oddly a thing back before UA. She’s the dick you can like, not like Bakugou but she will definitely want to fight Bakugou. 

A gum-related quirk is not full of perks when its only your hands. I’d dive more into her like her insecurities and stuff but I’ve been here for probably 3hrs. Sorry anon.

Also I’m so sorry to anyone who reads this all the way through.

[cryingxaddict-blog]

The First Post is Always the Hardest...

so tbh, I don't even know why I am here. I just have this need to let my thoughts out on a forum for the world to see. is it for the attention that I'm severely lacking or do I just love public humiliation? keep reading to find out!

I guess I can start with sort of an introduction. I'm in my early 30s, smoke way too much pot, dont drink nearly enough as I should and over thinks absofuckinglutely everything. I have an average 9-5 (8:30-5 really) job that is slowly sucking the life out of me but it helps to finance my equally average lifestyle.

In my opinion, I was kind of an awkward loser in high school. I was too punk rock for school but also too smart and respected my parents too much to be a complete teenage delinquent. I wrote for the school paper, participated in theater, took extra courses just cuz and graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I also organized walkouts, burned flags, cut my own hair (yikes), only wore band merch, clothes from the thrift stores, fishnets and chucks, my jean jacket with all my buttons and patches was my prized possession and the feeling I got after fucking shit up in the pit was as satisfying as that first drag of the day. My punk rock phase seamlessly merged into my pop-punk/emo phase where red eyeshadow was life and if I could just touch Gerard Way, I could die happily.

I never dated in high school, I crushed alot though. thanks to that desperation, I jumped on the first guy that ever gave me any attention. Mistake. it was such a waste of a first love. he lived far, we never saw each other and honestly, just used each other to rid ourselves of the burdens virginity. so that ended quickly. I was crushed and overly dramatic about it all. from then on, it was just a string of losers who were just waiting for a girl like me to come along. I enjoyed a long FWB, which of course crashed and ended cuz I fell in love. after all that, i shut down for a bit and in 2010 was introduced to the longest waste of my life.

my collective dating history reads like a Who's Who of Human Crap (be ready for all the FRIENDS references)...

let's just refer to this guy as WB.

WB and I were together for 7 years. SEVEN!!

in that time, my life changed drastically. my mom passed away from cancer in 2012. my whole life fell apart. somehow I become responsible for upkeep of a household and my dad just deteriorated. He later passed in 2017. in 2013,my beloved grandma passed away as well. I lost so many people I loved in more ways than just death. my family fell apart and the only person I felt I could turn to was WB.

he was 5 yrs older than me, unemployed, still lived at home, no car, multiple DUI'S and just a touch of idiot. I think back and tbh, I dont even think i was ever even attracted to him, let alone in REAL love. I just needed someone. unfortunately, that someone was an alcoholic with severe daddy issues and a coke problem. he never put my emotional needs before anyone/thing else and just dragged me along taking advantage of my autopilot status. I was too broken to fight back, to even speak up for what I deserved.

every time I tried to pull away, he used my broken heart to keep me around. he is the most toxic person I have ever been involved with. threats of suicide after each break up, grand gestures of pouring full 20 oz. $14 local craft beers down the sink with promises of sobriety and tearful apologies all were bullshit. during our seven year stretch, I had bounced from my own home, to his home, to my best friends couch, back into his house and then finally, on my own. I moved out by myself, without his financial help. in less than 2 yrs, I officially ended it. I woke up one morning, looked at him and just was over it. he knew it. I knew it. it was done.

instead of taking time to myself and healing after such trauma, I decided to IMMEDIATELY jump into another relationship! another fking mistake. I not only let this man into my severely damaged heart, but also my home. he took full advantage of reduced rent and daily sex. lied to me at every chance he had, manipulated my feelings into believing that he actually cared. he was just really good at going with the flow as long as the flow was going. just like everything else, this all ended pathetically. he used me until he didnt need me anymore and bounced. I was left alone.

I did my best to recover gracefully, but unfortunately let myself slip into another string of pointless hookups and Tinder dates. I ended up in a random 3 month trail period type relationship with a "nice guy" that ended abruptly due to his intense clingyness (I thought I was bad) and the realization that I'm pretty fking gay.

which kind of brings us up to speed here. about 6 months ago I got drunk at a gay bar for a coworker's birthday. next thing you know, we're making out in the club and dryhumping in her Mustang. that was complicated in it's own right and ran its course as they all do. the only difference with this one is that now I'm left with the big question of WHO TF AM I? like who am I?

am I gay, straight, bi? idk...

what I can say is that I am on the path of self discovery that has been ignored for far too long. I am chopping through the overgrown brush and branches that I have let overcome me while I was letting myself be distracted by each person that comes into my life. I have a tendency of losing myself completely. I cut friends out. I cut out my own personal health (what is gym?) I just give all of myself to them. And they never deserve it. Never. I am just tired of it. my heart is tired of it.

I'm over creating fantasies in my head with people who dont even want me or for longing for something that i cant seem to achieve. what I can do is just take care of myself. focus on myself. actually LOVE myself. what else is there really? at the end of it all...all those people who have come into my life are gone in one way or another. but here I am. still here. waiting for me to desperately love myself the way I have mindlessly loved others.

I guess we'll just have to wait and find out...

[cloneslugs]

please king send me ANY sniper headcanons

(idk why im so tired and everything feels so funny rn but i’ll throw you a bone)

actually i’ll edit it here

trans. (pre/no op) he wears a binder on the job but only if he’s in a sufficient sniper nest but even then he’ll take it off bc thats self care baby !! if he knows he’s gonna be running around he’s usually fine w/ his thick ass vest + baggy shirt + undershirt combo :)

he. gay =___= + mostly just. sleeps around but is a romantic at heart but also. not really. he just kinda ? minds his business and like doesnt think too hard about things that require lots of thinking

mama’s boy!!!!!!!!! but tries to emulate his papa (sunglasses B) )

hes not stupid but he prefers simplicity 

POOR HYGIENE he brushes his teeth sometimes and maybe brushes his hair but. he pees in jars + the sink of HQ if there are none available and listen,, that camper dont exactly have running water

he doesnt know how to start conversations at all and actually doesnt. care for talking too much (which is funny bc he hangs out w/ scout a lot,,, but ig scout does all the talking) he jumps in convos if he has a decent/funny enough point but mostly minds his business

he wears a hat for added height + actually all his wardrobe is planned for his utmost social comfort

he flusters easily + hates it, like if you like corner him in a conversation + he cant figure out what to say he just =/////= + he doesnt know how to flirt easily if u flirt w/ him he’ll like stammer out something stupid or just pretend he didnt hear and like. clean his knife or something

he gets super twitchy/fidgety under pressure like above or if you annoy him, he like. flicks his bobblehead or chews on his glasses/fingernails/anything and gets tappy with his hands, he’s pretty good at sitting still most of the time so these are his Tells for irritation/that he’s bothered

he visits home when he can but usually its just screaming matches and he just storms out of the house and does some farm chores bc he still loves them

he’s really bad at like reading/pronunciation (i mean. he can read) he’s bad at spelling

he has a weird relationship w/ ms pauling like they obvs get along but they dont really talk much + she just gets uncomfy in long silences sometimes but they swap recipes and killing tips, he trust her to make calls most of the time and will just listen to her and let the others compromise it out if need be but he’ll interject if he thinks its serious enough(extra info: he just calls her “pauling” unless he’s being really super serious or feels a little snarky)  

he kinda wants a dog but they cant climb into sniper nests and what if it gets hurt

he’s. squirrelier than he lets off and likes to climb on things + also he has good aim with just throwing things

not to veer off canon but he knew he was adopted since he was little

he’s good at falling asleep anywhere in any position + can nod off w/ a sniper in his hand (sometimes thats not the best when youre waiting for a target)

he tries to call his parents at least 3 times a week / every other day if he can manage that

he likes his sunglasses for another reason bc he can snooze a little if theyre having a meeting a nobody can really tell (okay some of them can but listen)

he loves being up high !! no matter the weather he loves it thunderstorms or heavy snow or sunny days its a blast !! and he likes to drive around w/ the windows down and the breeze in his face its :)

listen ik this is canon but the boy is Mentally Ill but brushes it off around people and hates talking about it and gets all clammed up when its brought up by like. anyone strangers or people close to him (see: meet the director/meet the sniper(w/ his dad))

he loves seeing new places but he doesnt care much for like. trudging around the wilderness like?? mucking around in swamps or something like that, he’s there for the view and doesnt need the big exploration + running around that some of the others do

he’s self taught at bow and arrow + picked it up when he was way younger bc he used to think it was cool + sexy now he doesnt really. give it a 2nd thought

he’s actually big emo + has a big heart esp for loved ones but he’s good at hiding if things hurt him outside of his initial response(idk if that makes sense, like if his dad said he hated him he’d like visibly :O at first but after the shock he’d be B/ and maybe just go cry in his camper hfdhsjfk) 

he’s pretty blunt and isnt afraid to just ? point things out to people point blank and he doesnt really get?? why people get pissy

he like. snipes + all but he doesnt really believe in hunting all that much (like outside of the necessities for it, but even then he wouldnt participate)

i think he’s defo the most ?? standoffish out of the group like even spy hangs out w/ scout but he just doesnt feel a need to jump into convos and doesnt consider how much you talk to someone to be equal to the value of how good of friends you are like maybe everyone feels all “oh he doesnt talk much so we arent close” but he doesnt see that he just thinks “we sit in a room together + they talk/we do crazy shit together, ergo we are close” he does genuinely care for their well being most of the time

he’s not very touchy and prefers when people keep a distance + he’s just. awkward

he gets irritated easily in social situations/when talking, he’s easy to talk over, he gets more annoyed w/ what people say over what they do, he hates talking to strangers, he doesnt like when people pester him about his personal life, he generally doesnt give a shit about gossip + all + doesnt nose about in other people’s business like i said he just kinda minds his own and stays in his own lane and defo gets involved in the least amount of drama

he hangs out w/ the others but he spends most of his time on his own if he can, if he does hang out w/ them he’s kinda a wall flower and just watches the rest of them + has his fun that way besides interjecting a little quip here and there (sorry i feel like im repeating myself w/ some of these)

sometimes he gets broody and moody 

he talks about his job w/ really high esteem and he honestly thinks what he does is pretty great and he definitely doesnt think the others are below him but he likes to say what he does isnt mindless merc work its assassination just bc it makes him feel better about himself + its a good argument against his dad

he. hangs out w/ scout and just listens to the kid ramble about whatever + maybe nods or Mhmms along when needed but keeps his mouth shut but maybe gives Big Adult Advise thats maybe not always that great but it sounds smart, sometimes he vents to him bc scouts dumb and wont get it/remember it and his naive/dummy advise sometimes cheers him and actually helps 

i can probably come up w more but this is super long and repetitive F

[relativelyanonymousgirl]

Awareness

So I’ve decided to make awareness a category on its own because I think I’ll need a number of posts just to do the concept justice. I think awareness at this point is the most important concept Ive learned regarding self-care and isn’t self-care at the start of literally everything you could want in life?

I think awarenes is the first step in change. I think awareness is the ultimate life hack - so good it cant be true yet it is. I think awareness is what makes change easy and in my experience change is one of the hardest things on earth.

Everyone wants to change things about themselves right? Everyone would like to be a little smarter, a little better at what they do, a little more influential, a little more social, reach their goals a little faster and, of course, lose a little weight/gain a little muscle. 

So why dont we? because change is really fucking hard. Because we dont have the ‘determination’ to do it? Because we do not ‘want it bad enough?

Wrong!

Look, it makes sense right. Change is very valuable and should therefor also be very hard. Because isn’t that what valuable means? Hard to obtain? Scarce? Well not in this case. I would like to argue that change is valuable and therefor natural and maybe even easy. Because most things that are valuable are actually natural and easy. 

When you find resistance, this does not mean that whatever you are trying to reach is valuable. However, if you are in the mindset that resistance = value then that lesson will actually prove itself. If you think studying is supposed to be hard and you procrastinate a lot and always finish your assignments minutes before the deadline and pull an all-nighter just to get a barely passing grade, you’ll think that pulling the overstressed all nighter is proof that studying is hard. Because if you hadnt done that, then you wouldnt have gotten a passing grade at all.

So change should be hard too. You want to lose weight and you have never been able to before, that means you need to push yourself harder. You should watch ‘motivational’ pictures of fit people and you want people to remind you to exercise and eat healthy etc etc. 

But it could be easy. Not in the beginning, that is. The hard part of change for someone like you, for someone like me, is not the change but it’s our mindset. It’s how we see change. You’ll keep falling back to old mental patterns and because you’ve left them unattended for so long they’ll run pretty deep, but no worries because there is no deadline for this and humans are persistance predators after all. 

And the route to easy change follows along awareness. So first you’ll have the awareness that you want to change something. Say you want to lose weight. 

So instead of immediately restricting your diet or making aspirational fitness plans, just be aware of your desire for change. It’s important that this awareness is more or less neutral. That it comes from a place of soft curiosity. There is no practical reason for feeling bad about not having changed whatever you want to change so let all that guilt go. Like that former catholic nun in Eat, pray love says “Guilt is just your ego’s way of tricking you into thinking you’re making moral progress. Don’t fall for it my dear.”

Right, so soft curiosity. The next step is creating awareness around the steps that might make this change happen for you. Say your diet and your exercise routine. Be curious about your exercise habits. Be curious about your eating habits, when do you eat unhealthy food? How does that make you feel? When do you eat healthy food? How does that make you feel?

Now, if you’re still feeling guilty, then not-exercising and eating unhealthy food will make you feel guilty and exercising and eating healthy food will make you feel not-guilty, but you won’t derive any real pleasure from it either, because it is something that you ‘have to’ do. Like having to study for school when you actually like learning but because you’re forced you hate it or wanting to do the dishes but then being told to do the dishes by your mom and suddenly not wanting to do it at all anymore.

Point is, you’re not getting anywhere and you keep feeling a lot of guilt and what does that guilt make you want to do? Escape. How do you escape guilty feelings? A rush of serotonin, perhaps? induced by a certain glucose-fructoce concoction, perhaps? That’s right. Eating like shit will make you escape these bad feelings. 

To generalize: the things you want to change about yourself, but have a hard time changing are often things that give us pleasure in the short-term (why else do them?), but hurt us in the long term (why else want to change them?), this is also the exact reason why they’re effective at making you not feel emotions, because of the short-term pleasure. But, Kim, can’t I just use some other coping mechanism that gives me both short-term and long-term pleasure? If only that existed.. (sidenote: this actually exists. I think this is what I was doing during my last relationship, turning to my boyfriend, which would make me feel better in the short term and long term, but everything festered and grew since I wasn’t dealing with it and when it suddenly exploded and I couldnt escape it with the use of my s.o. anymore and then it’s soo much harder to fix so dont go this road. Fix your shit. It’s economical.)

Okay we’re actually talking about another VERY important making-change-easy aspects which is that the change has to come from a good place (I’d like to take care of my body because my body is nice) vs a bad place (I want to lose weight because my body is ugly), but more about that later), but thats not what this post is about so lets move on with the awareness. 

Right, so we’ve got the awareness without the guilt. And this is where the magic happens. Because change will happen almost automatically now. I’d like to note that this too is harder in the beginning because you’ve allowed (been unaware, I’m not blaming you sis) the bad patterns to wire tighter and tighter in your brain and changing these is so much harder then if you’d’ve dealt with them immediately, but since we’re not raised with this emotional awareness and emotional coping skills, we didnt know any different. Once you’ll have learned and applied this way of changing you’ll still want to change, because what is life without change? And then it’ll truly be easy. At least I think so, I’m only on this journey for a couple (4) of months now, but I’ve already noticed the differences. 

Everytime you eat unhealthy, or skip an exercise, you’ll be aware that this is not something you really want, but much more importantly, every time you eat something healthy or do exercise, you’ll become aware that this is something you’ll want. You’ll start seeing these as ‘good’ things and they’ll give you a seretenonin rush. Now, the bad habits do not necessarily make you feel bad because you quit the guilt and you realise that real change doesn’t happen immediately so still continuing these bad habits during the change process is normal and inevitable. But the good habits now make you feel good. So when you get the choice between a healthy meal and an unhealthy meal you will a. not want to eat away your emotions, because there is no guilt and b. know that you will feel that nice happy feeling if you eat the healthy food, so you’ll choose the healthy option more often. ‘

Do note that you’ll have to address the underlying reasons for why you started this bad habit in the first place. If it’s simply laziness than this will work, but often we try to escape our big scary emotions with instant-gratification. So if you feel guilt surrounding other topics than the bad habit itself, that guilt will maintain the bad habits. In that case (which is usually the case) the bad habit is thus a symptom and not a problem per se. however, after having repeated the unwelcome behavior often enough for it to become a habit it will get a life of it’s own and become a problem. 

So you’ll need to deal with it from both angles. Fixing the underlying issues won’t fix the symptoms anymore. Okay there’s three important parts of change then. 1. the problems that initialized the unwelcome behavior, 2. changing from a ‘good place’ and not a ‘bad place’ and 3. awareness.

Still I would put awareness at number one, since the other two require awareness. You often don’t know why you do things, especially the unwelcome behavior, so you’ll need to become aware of that. Then you’ll need to become aware of the fact that you’re doing all this from a bad place and how stupid that really is and then you’ll need awareness through the rest of the process. 

All this awareness can be pretty exhausting so remember it’s okay to participate in the behavior you’d like to change. Because if you change through this way you’re gonna get there anyways, it’s just about how long it’ll take and since you’ve probably been struggling with this behaviour for a very long time (say years maybe? decades?) those few extra days or weeks won’t make a difference.

Also solving the underlying issues is really hard. Probably the hardest part. I’ll talk about that some other time.

[vibrant-goddess]

yeah im drinking a bit at 130am i have to be at work in five hours but im SAD and i hate my coworkers and im gonna stay up and feel like shit all week so you know fuck it im gonna bitch about it on main bc im tired of giving a fuck about what people think of me and im not putting it under the cut because i seriously dont fucking care

i shoulda bought more cigarillosi havent fucking smoked in seven years like my parents found my cigars when i was a baby adult and yelled at me so i tossed them and never looked back

except now i live on my own in a tiny shitty room that is cheap enough for me to pay off my student loans real fucking fast living with two extremely adorable dogs(they’re my roommates) who dont like being petted so what even are they good for except dragging in dead animals all the fucking time and leaving hair everywhere literally i had to stop baking for my coworkers because no matter how clean i was i ALWAYS FOUND MORE FUCKING FUR but its fine because i don’t like these coworkers anyways

like i know i work in tech but what are the fucking chances that my team would be four white blonde guys(at least two are blue eyed) in their early thirties and then me like what the FUCK and i still have two more months with these fuckers. i have to figure out how to survive eight more weeks with these people who don’t like or respect me. i feel like a goddamn token minority hire and it makes me want to quit. like, just straight up two weeks notice i don’t give a FUCK about completing the rest of my work i don’t give a FUCK about helping this team i don’t give a FUCK about this work assignment my coworkers are so fucking dismissive and passive aggressive AT BEST and whiny turds at worst. i hate coming in at 630 and leaving at 345 without taking a lunch so my work has gotten like 10 extra hours of work for me thats literally, after tax, another student loan payment.

im so fucking miserable here. this town is so fucking small. theres nothing to do here except spend twenty dollars to go to tea except i have to do it myself bcause i dont know how to fucking interact wioth people

and then i thought this month oh ill try to get people i like together for halloween movies at my house except my house is a disaster because my roommate doesnt know how to fucking clean her shit up

literally her dogs shit on the couch and she took hours to do a half assed job of cleaning up. i cleaned the table, the kitchen, the floors, everything, and within two weeks she covered the newly cleaned surfaces with her shit. and like, its like pulling teeth to even get her to move her shit from the dryer after a MONTH so i know any sort of cleaning isn;t going to get done by her

like i thought leaving my parents house would make things so much better i thought the distance would allow me to finally live like an adult, but im essentially living the same fucking life, overextended by my responsibilities, depressed to the point of ideation, too anxious to talk to anyone, except now i have quadruple the bills, still no fucking s/o because apparently im totally unfuckable like even this fucking loser from target ghosted me, and my parents passive aggressively text me everyday because i don’t update them all the time on my THRILLING life that consists of a nine hour work day, three hours of studying for a professional exam that my work won’t pay for, and two hours of costume shit based on a character in a game series i don’t even fucking like for a party im not even going to attend 

and like the obvious answer is drop the costume shit, block your parents for a couple weeks, and go to therapy. i hurried i RUSHED to get my own health insurance so i could finally finally get therapy, only to find out that if my work finds out im getting therapy theyll block any chance at promotion and in this small shitty town there are ten total therapists in a sixty mile radius, only two of which specialize in the CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) except one is a dude and the other does christian counseling and i fucking refuse to interact with religion i dropped any pretense of religion four years ago and im not fucking going back and if you even FUCKING mention it to me i stg so i guess i have to take my chances with the dude

god i dont want to go to work tomorrow but ive p consistently taken a day off every two weeks and im trying to save up my leave for when i want to just fucking ditch out for a week next year after i pay off my student loans

like EVERYTHING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER ONCE I MOVED. i told myself oh everything will be better once i transfer except it wasnt i got even more stressed and felt more pressure. i told myself oh everything will be bettwe once i graduate except not only was it not but i hit the worst period of my life after graduating i couldn’t socialize i couldn’t speak i just laid on the floor of my childhood room crying and cutting myself because i couldn’t functgion because life didnt have purpose anymore. i told myself oh everything will be better once i move out once im away from the environment tht made me sick BUT GUESS WHAT TUMBLR the FUCKING ENVIRONMENT THAT MADE ME SICK WAS ME. GUESS WHAT I’M THE TOXIC PRESENCE IN MY LIFE. GUESS WHAT YOU CAN’T RUN AWA FROM YOUR OWN BRAIN.

im so fucking tired of trying im so tired of waiting for things to get better i keep trying things i did cbt on my own for months and it did nothing i drank a lot for a month and it did nothing but make me pee a lot i smoked again and it didn’t help i start cutting again and it did nothing like the only vice i have is eating except to pay off my student loans asap my food budget got stripped so i cant even do that and im just. im so fucking tired of this. im tired of throwing money at my student loan app. im tired of having no room besides my bed so i have to cut fabric while laying under my bed because there no room for me and my cutting mat. im tired of spending every weekend studying my fe study materials for an exam to get a certification my work doesn’t care about whatsoever. im tired of not feeling excited about anything. this is usually my favorite month of the year and i havent done a single fall activity. i dont know why the only person in this stupid city who likes me is the dude who realized im the only single black girl in the city and therefore has decided to make it his mission to try to wear me down so he can fuck me. im tired of working in a team where i have to be the voice of all women all black people and all queer people. im tired of having to either report my comings and goings to my parents from two hundred miles away when they don’t pay for any of my shit(in fact, i pay for some of their shit and they still demand updates like they’re entitled to my fucking life) hold on im getting another drink

and like if i want to even be considered one of the team i have to perform to perfection better than the other fuckers on the team whic means i have to show up before the earliest arriver and leave after my boss leaves and i still gotta do all my personal shit and i cant take a lunch and im UFKCKING SICK OF IT. the other team in our open office is a million times more diverse, they actually communicate and discuss shit. their boss is a woman and they occasionally have women on their team on assignment. they spent an hour debating and charting pizza topping preferences so they could order pizza together. meanwhile, my team cant even be assed to actually ask me a question. 

i dont fucking want to go to work tomorrow. i dont want to fucking go back to this team ever again. my boss offered me a permanent position and i didnt know how to tell him that i hate this team and i cant wait to leave and mute the team server forever and if my next assignment didnt require an additional security thing(DESPITE THE FACT THAT I’VE NEVER STEPPED OUT OF LINE MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE I HAD GOOD HS ATTENDANCE I PARTICIPATED IN CLUBS I GOT A FUCKING NATIONAL AWARD I VOLUNTEERED WITH A CHRISTIAN CHURCH I PARTICIPATED IN CLUBS AND STUDENT ORGS IN COLLEGE I DIDNT DRINK A SIP OF ALCOHOL UNTIL I WAS 21 I DIDN’T SMOKE UNTIL I WAS 18 I NEVER TRIED ANY DRUGS NOT EVEN WEED IN FACT THE MOMENT DRUGS WERE PRESENT IN MY SOCIAL CIRCLES I LEFT THOSE SOCIAL CIRCLES AND NEVER LOOKED BACK I NEVER COMMITTED ANY CRIMES I NEVER ASSOCIATED WITH ANYONE WHO DID CRIMES IVE NEVER LEFT THE COUNTRY AS AN ADULT I LITERALLY HAVE THE BACKGROUND OF SOMEONE WHO SPENT 25 YEARS SITTING IN A ROOM EATING SALTINES AND STARING AT A WALL UNTIL I STARTED WORKING) that is taking fucking forever despite my perfect background i would have left this assignment early AND i would have given them excellent documentation when i went.

im so fucking tired. im tired of everything.

[survivorkvaloya]

Episode #3: “I Wanna Start S#!t” - Chelsea

Honestly, Steffen, not much has happened for me in the first two episodes. We'll go over it really quick. I liked my original tribe of 5 with Jules, Liam, Christine, and Ryan. They were all awesome. My mentor, Colin, a fellow House of Shade alumni--also awesome. We won the flash game challenge (of the 5 competitors of my tribe, I scored 1 point which landed me in the middle of our tribe rankings). I bonded with Christine early. That could be something to hang onto. The following round was a crapshoot competition and we won that, too! On my new tribe, I like Lauren and Jack and I also have Christine there. I really wish there was more dirt or drama because I love writing lengthy confessionals, but things are just getting started here!

Alright. So I guess no one wants pleasant kind hearted lily around. They want mean angry bitter ass lily which I'm happy to give but they ain't gonna like it. I got an extra vote on this island thing that no one is gonna know about because fuck these bitches. I know I will need the upper hand later when the couples try to destroy the singles. When I get out of reflection island I'm gonna try to buddy up with Connor and ask him to be my new mentor. Jules I'm pissed. I wish I knew exactly what happened but I will try to get to the bottom of it and make sure all those losers pay. I hope you start feeling better too. I feel like I can't trust anyone after that but Jackson seems pretty genuine of not knowing or not being able to do anything. But, because of this HUGE betrayal everyone on that other tribe can fend for themselves. I'll be all nice nice yeah I'd love to work with you but nah. I ain't interested. Let's be clear here, I have no loyalties and I'm not playing some kind of loyal game. You cut my mentor ill cute you. BYE Andreas also told me about Jules getting voted out most likely before the vote which is cool. I appreciate that. But Nicholas Colin we ain't buddies. I'm rooting for a student to win but it ain't y'all. Tonight I will hopefully put together a board of what original tribes people were on their swap tribe and who their mentor is. I think this will help me get a better picture of what's going on. Also, being bitter as fuck only two days in? My aesthetic. 

Oh and also I miss the damn creative challenge? There better be more to come because I'm sad. I've never done a music video challenge this was my shot and these bitches took me out!!! What the HECKIE???? 

nothing's really happened imo. this main is slow. i want drama. nicholas said there's a majority cross tribe alliance. where's my invite? i wanna start shit. my goal is just to make merge so i can blow up, the best way "Trixsea" Steele knows how. :) :) :)

I know i killed this music video challenge, but Chelsea told me that me and only 3 others submitted anything and after re-reading the rules and seeing that its an extra 5 points for every appearance we could actually be fucked. It wouldn't be to big of a problem because honestly I like going to tribal and getting to vote people off, but I also know of the cross tribe majority alliance who supposedly has majority on our tribe right now. If we lose this I'll probably try to blow up and either shake that alliance up or go out in a blaze of chaotic glory.  

Im at tribal right now and I was getting a sick feeling that I was going to be the one voted out... But I always feel like that. I think that I am going to get my team together, Liam got a vote and if he wasn't sure if he wanted to work with me (even thought he said he wanted to) so yeah.... Me, Andreas, Colin, Liam, Ryan, Jackson... Then we have the numbers? yeah cus there is only nine of us rn. We could pull in Conner to make life really easy and to add a couple number just encase. If we do that then out of everyone we would have: Me and Liam, Colin and Brett, Ryan and Jackson, Andreas and... someone (-_- sorry) and then Conner who lost their student. Thats 9 people in a game with 18? maybe that  about half. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore but I do know that this needs to happen soon before I get bumped to the side... I do no like being a side bitch 

Ahhhh, I'm literally so in love with this challenge it was so much fun and Chelsea did such an amazing job editing it. If we don't win I'll be shocked...and scared. Lauren disappeared for a bit and didn't participate so like I'm a little...or a lot worried for her. As of right now I literally love this tribe. QuilLynn is super smart and I adore her, Willow and Chelsea are sweet and adorable and Brett is a gem. I guess the only person I haven't clicked with is Jack but for now everything's looking good and Im hoping we win the challenge :)

Whew, I'm so excited to have won immunity! The challenge was so much fun and now...its messy cause alliances are starting to form and QuilLynn told me about one that apparently me and Lauren are in? So I don't know if Lauren's making deals without me or what, but nobody's approached me specifically and I'm not in any chats so! I'm not sure what's going on and I don't like it. I think right now my #1 is QuilLynn. She's smart, sweet and very easy to talk to so I officially adore her and wanna protect her at all costs. I need to get things in order with Lauren cause I don't wanna get in the middle of some warfare we don't need to be in. 

We lost. Again. This is the worst. My tribe is cursed. Kinda. It's like a blessing in disguise for me tbh. I'm using this time to recover from last round and regroup. There's more talk of a majority alliance forming and I wanna make sure it happens so I can solidify my place in it. I think my number 1 ally has shifted from Nicholas to Jackson now. Jackson is literally my fave person in this game. He's so nice and fun to talk to, he's socially and strategically aware, and most importantly, he's really cute and nice to look at so! I still got that alliance with JD and Andreas but I am not really loyal to it. JD seems to playing messily and I've mentioned before Andreas seems too well connected for his own good. Anyway, onto this vote! Literally? The only thing I've heard? Is Connor? but....... that's all I've heard. Connor isn't putting out another name. No one else is putting out another name. And that's a recipe for paranoia in my mind. I wanna trust the majority that's been built, JD says Jackson and Ryan will be voting with us, and I trust them 10000% but I'm a paranoid hoe. 

my confessional game so far has been weak af so far like I literally forgot to write a confessional last round, so I guess I'll just do a quick recap. Essentially I have mixed feelings about my tribe bc there are 3 other people who I really like Chelsea, QuilLynn, and Gage. We ended up creating an alliance and QuilLynn titled it "arent you Klad I didn't say fjorden" which is iconic! Anyway that cookie challenge last round killed me but I'm glad I came up with the strategy to split 3 on 0, 3 on 9 and 3 in the middle. Lily was convinced that they weren't going to put all their cookies on one of our tribe mates so like I'm kinda glad I proved her wrong lmao idk. As for the people I have mixed feelings about Jack is okay I mean he usually replies but in PMs he can be kinda boring and give one word answers. Christine is really nice but she just doesnt reply a lot? maybe she just doesnt like small talk or something. Brett, I've heard really good things about him but he only replies when its about him lol, like if I ever start sharing one of my stories or whatever idk he just stops replying lol. Lauren, okay shes super cute but seems inactive. Anyway I was like super excited that we got to do the music video challenge this round, its always super fun even though what I make is always really awkward lmao. Anyway like 4 people from our tribe didnt submit, Jack was sick (so he says), Gage was moving which is alright, and Lauren (didn't say anything about why she didn't do it lol), and Chelsea was editing so its all good. Shes like a really good editor and our video turned out great so I'm glad we won even though we had like 4 people in the video compared to them having like 7. So then QuilLynn informs me that Chelsea told her that theres a majority alliance of like 8ish people?? like what the fuck thats about half the people here. So its Andreas-Jack, Colin-Brett, JD-Liam, and potentially Lauren-Christine. And there are a bunch of people we're unsure could be in the alliance. And then as Im hearing about the alliance I'm realizing that it consists of the people on my tribe who dont always reply to me lol or when they do are boring. And I mean I know im not the most interesting texter but these people are worse then me. So then I was talking to Ryan and asking him about his tribe and the reward and stuff to see if I could get any information about whether if hes in the majority or not without directly asking. So I was like whats was the idol clue reward this time and he told me about how it has to do with whoever gets the lowest score in the challenge, which sounds super complicated bc if someone with the lowest score doesnt have the clue then no one gets the idol. And he gave the clue to me, and I wanna give it to QuilLynn but we dont need too many people throwing the challenge and if one of our alliance members already has it then it should be alright, and it'll keep up my trust with Ryan since Im not supposed to give it to anyone so Im hoping its a win win. but he told me that I wasnt supposed to tell anyone about what the reward was but before he told me that I had already told my alliance bc I think I trust them more oops? but I think I want to trust Ryan. I told him that I heard rumors about a cross tribe majority alliance but thats all I knew, and he told me about a group of mentors and students talk about a potential alliance and they asked Danielle about it and she told Ryan she would try to get him in if she could. So then I tried talking to Danielle just making small talk or whatever and she only gave one word answers, which was fucking weird? Like some shit is clearly going on that I dont know about? I can already tell im becoming messy af which I wanted to not try to do as much as I did last season but maybe im just naturally a messy player and theres nothing I can do about it lol. Anyway I hope the majority isnt something I should worry about and I hope they self destruct somehow or Im just hoping that it doesnt exist at all and it was just a rumor made up to scare people or some shit. 

[franeridart]

WHERE IS LAVI

Sadly all my magic rituals to try and scry directly inside Hoshino’s mind haven’t worked just yet, so I can’t answer this question - also, looks like DGM isn’t in the line-up for Jump SQ Crown this month either :( so we won’t know for at least another four months still - since Lavi’s my absolute most fave and thinking about the situation he’s in makes me feel literal pain and no actual solution to it seems to want to come any time soon, I try to think about it as little as I can. After six years of waiting for him denial has become my best friend, anon 👍

Anon said:DID YOU SEE MY SON BEING CARRIED AROUND I LOVE HIM SO MUCHH

I’m gonna assume you’re talking about Shinsou! He was adorable, but lbr the habit Horikoshi has of having him and Tetsu always appear together kind of takes all my possible hype away from Shinsou to direct it on the shark child. I hope Horikoshi will stop doing that, actually

Anon said:Lmao, in the coffee shop au I noticed you drew Kaminari with his hair shorter in the back - did you do that so you could avoid drawing a mullet? I cry

Actually!!! I hadn’t thought about that! But there had to be a reason why he looked better like that JK I love Kaminari’s hair and haircut, he’s the only child I’m gonna accept having a sort-of-mullet and still looking fine as hell - it’s because his hair looks so soft? And silky? I kinda wanna braid it I should draw him with his hair braided

Anon said:You know, after last chapter, seeing Kirishima reassure Midoriya and telling him not to talk negatively about himself takes a whole new meaning. This boy, he really cares so much about other people than himself

I wouldn’t say he cares more for others than himself, but he definitely does have different standards for others compared to those he uses on himself - then again, isn’t that just how people with low self-esteem always act? BUT!!! I have all the good reasons to think that Bakugou’s words have significantly lessened Kirishima’s inferiority complex about his quirk (because I’m locating that chat before the license exam and when you think about it since around then Kiri has been acting more confidently !!!) so I don’t think you should worry too much anymore! Kirishima has Bakugou and Bakugou has Kirishima and they keep each other good and positive and that’s beautiful and I’m alive

Anon said:What is your full name, if you don’t mind me asking??

Why anon, isn’t Fran enough for you? *wiggle eyebrows* kidding, I’m assuming all my Italian friends have guessed already since it’s a pretty common name so it’s cool, you can know, my full name is Francesca. Though I’d really prefer it if you’d keep on calling me just Fran 👍 

Anon said: Why are you so perfect

Hah I’m really, really, really not anon

Anon said: Honestly their hairs are so amazing in the last one and i absolutely love the way you never do the prompts the way they are expected and idk if you do it on purpose but its just amazing

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much????? And I wouldn’t say I do it on purpose, I just draw the first thing with a beginning and an ending I can manage to think about (fun fact, sometimes I deem the first thing too ridiculous or not good enough and I try to think about something else but by then the idea is there and I won’t be able to draw anything else r i p)

Anon said:Geez when Kiri called Baku manly and cool I was just like “end me” how did I not realize how precious he is in s1? He’s so frikkin adorable!

He doesn’t really do much in s1!!! But he is adorable isn’t he??? He’s the sun of my life I love him so much bless his gay heart

Anon said:I LOVE HOW YOU DRAW KUROO

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I hope your happy you jelly bean! I started to watch boku no hero to understand the poly ship you ship. Now I can escape this hell cause I know I’ll read the manga next!

I actually am really damn happy!!!!! I hope you’ll enjoy it all till the very end if you do catch up, anon!! Come back and tell me who your fave is, once you’re done °O°

Anon said:Hinata forgot to spike the ball

HE DID I can’t believe that small adorable disaster of a boy how is he even still a regular oh my g O D I love him so much I can’t believe him what a good (mostly tho, he jumped like Hoshiumi holy FUCK I can’t wait to see that one work for him !!!)

Anon said:there’s a terushima week coming up soon?? might we see a cute bokuroteru maybe? :O

Since I’m literally just finding out about this, like, right now and the week starts in about three days or something I can’t really promise I will participate in it, anon ;;;—;;; I don’t have the time to plan for it at this point and in the same period there’s the bakushima week too (which I… still haven’t drawn anything for r I P) and !!!!! It’s just too little time BUT next month it’s polyship may!!! One prompt per day for the whole month and it’s all about polyships, I plan on drawing small doodles for all of them, or at least try, and bokuroteru will DEFINITELY be between the ot3s I’ll draw for!!!! I hope that’s good enough for you :( I’m actually so damn sad I just found out about this ;;;-;;;

Anon said:i think i’m in love with your art (especially youre bakushimanari and your bokuro to be honest !) because everytime i go on your blog i stay here for hours and hope it never end ! well, thank you for sharing all those cute art with us !! ♥

AHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! I’m glad I can make you enjoy my lil blog that much??? This actually made me so happy oh my god (////▽////)

Anon said:How on Earth does Bakugou fit his giant bracers in the tiny briefcase thingy the school gives them to keep their costumes in, do you suppose?

The cases are bigger on the inside *doctor who theme playing in the distance* either that or he’s actually Mary Poppins, which wouldn’t be all that bad would it I’m laughing lmao

(when you think about it really huge costume pieces fit in a few other kids’ cases too - take Iida and Aoyama, or Kirishima’s gears, or Ochako’s arm pieces - so I’m just assuming the support kids are really really crafty… and Bakugou’s gauntlets can probs disassemble, he must take forever to gear up)

The real question here is why Hagakure needs a case at all

Anon said:now that i started reading bnha i appreciate your art alot more. I already loved your art even though i didnt know who all the character were who werent from voltron or hq

Ahhhhh thank you so much!!!!! I really really hope you’ll like the manga at least enough to keep reading, anon!!!

Anon said:I know it’s so rude but, is it somethin’ about Kuroo/Bakugou that makes Bokuto/Kirishima get hot to trot?

ANON I’m sorry but I can’t let myself answer even just vaguely nsfw asks - I just, even though I might have headcanons for these there is a certain line with nsfw I’m really not comfortable crossing and once you start answering this kind of questions it’s hard drawing that line and making it so that you’ll always be sure it will be respected and I just… really don’t want to get to the point where one day I’ll open my inbox and find something I’ll feel really uncomfortable with? Does that make sense??? aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!! I hope you’ll understand ;;-;;

Anon said:Bokutitties. what even. Reminds me of the Shimada brothers (do you play Overwatch??) and their left nipple that is always exposed

I don’t, but most of my dash does so I get what you’re talking about lmao I can 100% assure you it was an accidental coincidence, anon haha

Anon said:okey okey do i was thinking about your art of bakugou being cold and shit and i. i came up with this idea like, what if baku is that sort of person who hates socks? so hell go complain to kirishima and or kaminari about being cold and theyll just go; …..put on some goddamn socks

!!!!!!!!!!!! Anon you wanna know the best thing about this? If you keep an eye out for all the times you can see Bakugou’s ankles in the manga it seems like he actually never wears socks I’ll cry forever your headcanon might as well be canon what a blessed moment 

Anon said:I see and accept your hero course sleeplessness and would like to raise it to the teachers giving puppet/shadow shows.

….you can’t make a shadow show without Tokoyami getting involved so I’ll assume he’ll find a way to wiggle into it too, and he’d bring Shouji with because his quirk could help - I bet my head you can’t have Aizawa participate even offering to pay him, and also that it probably started from Mic because he’s extra like that

most enthusiastic participants would be Snipe and Toshi, Cementoss would have no problems with it either and his quirk is handy for cool effects, Midnight is kind of live and let live about the whole deal but doesn’t mind stopping by to look at them making fools of themselves now and again - most of the students are like ???? why tho the first time because they aren’t kids anymore and there’s no reason for this, Iida though doesn’t even question sitting through the whole thing because it’s their teachers and it’s just the right thing to do, Izuku does the same but just because All Might, Ochako stays because Izuku and Iida stay, same for Todoroki, and if Ochako stays so does Tsuyu - Kirishima and Mina are the only actually enthusiastic ones out of Baku’s group but they got a way to bring all of the squad together for it anyway, Baku included, they’re noisy and pushy just enough for that… actually when I think about it in the end everyone would stay at least the first time for one reason or another , and then the show starts, and it’s with quirks and really out of scale on the special effects  with microphones and bgm and shifting stages and so on and this was supposed to help the students with sleeplessness but at this point it’s just the teachers having fun and together with them the kids as well no one goes to sleep any time soon when they put together a show lbr

[jjongs-lubricants]

Official SHINee World Toronto Fan Account (Nit Picky Vers)

This is my official fan account of the entire show :D Unfortunately I do not remember 100% when each account happened for each song, so I will put which set the accounts happened in and if I remember the name of the song it will be stated.Also also Im gonna leave out things that can be found in fancams or other fan accounts. This fan account is also my personal experience and interpretations and their might be other expressions of the same event being posted so make sure to read all the shawols fan accounts.

 *This fan account begins from the lining up and ends with me sitting in my seat at the end realizing that my life will never be as good as it was in those moments with shinee in the venue, thats the time line. It also includes as much detail as possible from SHINee themselves to the lit AF female security guard. Also of course my witty commentary sorry not sorry

While waiting in line 3/4 back up dancers exited the stage door to smoke. For some reason none of the fans in line recognized them (honestly I went to the concert by myself and everyone else was in a group with their friends talking between themselves) The back up dancers seemed surprised by the line (the line wrapped around the venue 1 1/2 times it was huge) and it seemed like they were talking about that.

The organizers for the event were going around the lines with their phones taking footage of the line and kept saying that SHINee was going to see the footage. With this in mind of course I milly rocked every time and dabbed. It was my homage to Minho (as in I hope he sees it, is like “yo someone dabbed” and then dabs! Any dream is worth having dont judge me) 

While waiting for things to start the security guards were explaining how we cant take pictures and not to push and to stay safe. There was this one lit female security that said to me and the people sitting around me “You guys really think we would let you minors in the same room with your favorite boy band and not have a mom here to monitor you guys?? Well guess what guys Im a mom and this is my house so my rules!!” She was joking of course but it was so funny she was honestly so lit.

Fans also gave this security guard some fan merchandise and she was participating with the fans during the concert.

Behind me were the Japanese Fansite masters that organized the donation of the fan lights. They gave me and the people around me that didnt have fan lights merch from different tours. I got a fan light from the 2014 Im Your Boy Japanese Tour and a Onew note pad.

One of the Japanese fansite masters were wearing Jonghyuns X-Inspiration sweater (the official merch!) and I asked her if she went to his concert. She got so happy that I recognized it  and said yes! She then gave me a Jonghyun hand held mirror after asking me if Jonghyun is my ultimate bias in SHINee (I said yes of course lol cause he is perfect holy shit)

The first VCR was not working lol. The first time the video would cut out but the audio would keep going. They got half way through the VCR before restarting it :/ And then the same thing happened the second time. At this point everyone just wanted to get to SHINee so some people around me were saying to skip the VCR. The third time it worked though.

In the first set Taemin was having trouble with his microphone and went to stage left to get it fixed. He hopped back into the choreography so easily! 

Also in the same set, Onew was having problems with his microphone and was making these signals to stage left, it looked like some cute signage going on.

There was a lag between SHINee and the video capture on the screen :/ it was a bit distracting but actually looked cool at parts too.

During the first Talk Segment Minho said “Welcome to SHINee WORLD!!!” In English. (Thats when I knew that it was the beginning of the end)

They made Taemin introduce Prism in English and the boy deadass looked so betrayed lol. He finally said “Next song is, Prism” after giggling a bunch!

When SHINee had to restart Prism because of the technical difficulties, Key said “Lets take it from the top” and booped himself on the /top/ of the head! (lol get it /top/ as in lets take it from the /top/ HA! GENIUS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!)

Near the end of the first set, the female mom security guard passed by me and I (being a nerd) milly rocked at her lol. She did it back though and we danced together for like, 30 seconds! She is definitively a SHINee fan now!

Taemin was dancing exceptionally well during Prism. I got the feeling that he really really likes the choreography for that song. It was so beautiful!

Then when they had to wait a second to restart Prism again Onew said in English “Not yet” super cutely and Jonghyun started saying “We need your voice! We need your voice” in English.

There was a lot of OnHo going on through out the first set it was amazing they are truly the terrible two. 

When Jonghyun was apologizing for the technical difficulties, the crowd starting chanting “It’s Okay” in Korean.  We said it so much that Jonghyun put his hand up as in to shoosh us lol. He looked overwhelmed by our support :D

During one of the songs in the second set, Jonghyun was in the front for his line, but when trying to back up to go to the back of their formation, he almost tripped over Taemin. It didnt seem to phase him and he was so professional!

Throughout the Talk Segments Jonghyun would say “Yes” in English and it was so cute and out of nowhere omg

Also throughout the show there was a fan behind me screaming bloody murder it was awesome but also the people around her myself included were so concerned lol. She sounded like she was being dragged away by the void and the last thing she wanted to do was scream Jonghyuns name.

Also fans were cheering for Onew but instead were saying Jinki. Onew looked a bit surprised by this. Im not sure if in a good way or in a bad way though. 

During ready or not, Minho was saying “Jump Jump Jump” and of course everybody got super lit!

Also also Minho was trying to get Taemin to jump along with him but Taemin was not feeling it. He was super tired at the concert :( (But honestly for someone who was so tired he did super freaking well like again its not fair im actually going to sue I have my lawyer on the phone right now)

During the third set SHINee threw the famous SHINee Balls to the crowd. Minho made an extra effort to throw them as far as he possibly could! 

Also during Ready or Not Key went to stage far right (past the speakers) and blew a kiss to one of the fans :D (you know she dead tho like rip)

In the last set there was a really quick transition from one song to the next, and SHINee didnt have time to go back to center stage for the song and had to rearrange themselves. However, they didnt rearrange themselves immediately. They gradually got into the proper positions while performing the song. Again, so professional! 

The white confetti near the end was cut to look like white rose petals they were gorgeous! It honestly looked like a scene from a movie.

During the last song, Encore, Taemin was a bar (or 3 seconds) too early for his line and all you heard from him was a small “eh” and then he waited and sang in the proper time. It was so cute!!!

When they were leaving, the crowd was moaning in upset and Key teased us by moaning back at us!! 

Lastly, when the lights came back on and SHINee World Concert 5 Toronto had officially ended, Im sitting in my seat looking around at the fans and the confetti and streamers on the floor, im taking in everything that happened, my final reaction was to burst into tears LOL.

[n-ph]

2k16

wow it’s been awhile since i’ve written one of these. i just realized that i totally didn’t write one last year. anyway i dont even know where to begin. 2016 has been an interesting year to say the least. i was rereading some of my old posts and i said omg a lot. the days just seem to go by in a blur nowadays, so i will try to recap 2016 as best as i can. i dont have a word to encompass this year though.

went to seattle in january. tried some really expensive sushi..twice..holy crap. the quality was a1 but man the bill was something else. seattle was nice though. definitely had a san francisco vibe to it, except for when you go to the waterside and look back at all the construction. i guess we kinda ran out of things to do bc on the last day we went to chinatown and the area seemed really dinky. also gained a ton of weight in seattle though u_u

in february we tried 5a5 steakhouse. and let me tell u. it is the best beef i have ever had. it is also the most money i have ever spent on a single meal. oh my god. i dont know if i'll ever be back, but i would like to, some day.

thus far, the semester was pretty okay. let's see..i had government accounting with a moody professor who would throw tantrums whenever no one participated. i also had business law with this old guy who was really lively and fun. i had strategic management with a bryan cranston look alike. the class was really interesting though and i learned a lot and it got me started on reading the economist lmao im so old. i miss having so much free time that came with school. 40 hour work weeks are not the life (even if i barely do anything at work).

went to LA during spring break. and at a good time too bc it was still the soft opening of harry potter world so the lines were v manageable. butterbeer was dope. the entire hogsmeade village just felt so real. had sooo much good food in LA omg. got to see some friends as well. had some of the best steak frites ever.

i cant believe i particpated in asu's talent show this year. much has changed in asu since i joined. it makes me wonder if i was behaving that way when i first joined. it seems a lot more clique-y and high school and drama filled but hey maybe it was that way when i was active but i just never noticed. had many fun lunches with my grand little but man there is a lot of drama in asu and im just glad i wasnt in any of it. i kinda miss the old asu days of staying out late to eat or do nothing at all but also i dont miss it bc i get enough sleep and im a lot more productive without asu lmao. finally ended things with tram for good. maybe things turned out the way they did for the better. the entire friendship was such a roller coaster. im glad its over.

the end of the semester rolled around!!! and i graduated!!!! :') attended my sisters graduation which was pretty boring bc high school students have such a narrow view of life (not to say that college students are any better). attended my own graduation. felt really fortunate to have jessa and anthony there. this one kid in my graudating class gave a speech about accomplishments...and he revealed the wrestling belt he was wearing underneath his graduation gown...and then he made the grads stand up and chant thank yous to the friends and family sitting behind us. it was so embarrassing and extra omg.

shortly after graduation i was on a plane headed back to the motherland. and let me tell u. i hated most of it. it was super hot and humid and my sister and i shared about 100 mosquito bites between the both of us. also. i know i shouldnt but..vietnam is so dirty. i know its not their fault that theyre a developing country but man there are exactly zero sanitation standards and i dont even know why we were there bc the water had recently been polluted so none of the fish were edible and my mom didnt trust the food stands to have clean food either. i guess i made some new friends and visited some cool places but at what cost??? also i think my entire fam got sick bc we slept with the ac on but either way, the meds i took made me lose my sense of smell i think and i couldnt taste or smell anything for two weeks. the ac air also dried out my nose and gave me a skin infection (which i will discuss later). during our trip to danang a small ferry got flipped on the big river and a bunch of ppl died and the government tried to cover it up bc bad publicity etc. they played it off as if only a few ppl died rather than most of the ppl on the boat. our tour guide in danang was in the know tho so he told us everything and w o w that really could've been us on that river bc it was a boat the left the dock about half an hour after our boat left. crazy.

after the long and arduous journey abroad i finally made it back home...and then headed to hawaii. hawaii was dope af. 10/10 would recommend, would go back. battled the tides when we went kayaking and sadly the tides won and i lost my hat but also almost lost my flip flops if it weren't for some kind random strangers who swam out to get my flip flops. we stayed on oahu and maui. hiked up a v steep mountain in oahu. lost my hat from kayaking. got caught in the rain when we went looking for a beach on the first day. had some of the best shaved ice ever. attended my first luau. fell asleep during the first part of a fire dancing show (bc the fire hadnt started yet). essentially pulled an all nighter to try oahu's famous bakery that opened at 3am. flew to maui but due to poor planning we arrived 4 hours earlier than check in lmao. the house we had in maui was so beautiful though omg. it was ocean side so we could hear the waves every night and it just felt so peaceful and tranquil to sit on the balcony in the mornings, just staring out at sea. in maui we went snorkeling. the last time i went snorkeling was like...10+ years ago...in cancun...and the water was freezing...and i also thought i was lost in the middle of the ocean on our way to the snorkeling location... but anyway! the snorkeling this time was so cool omg they had prescription swimming goggles so i could see EVERYTHING. they also provided lunch which was dope. it started raining on our way back to shore though lmao. the next day we drove all the way up the volcano in maui...to find that the top was foggy af and we couldnt see anything. the road up was pretty nasty bc super windy and 10000 ft elevation. it got really foggy after like 6000ft so we basically drove in all fog until the top which was still foggy but also like 20 degrees colder than the rest of maui. maui is super rural omg. we tried to find a place to eat after our trek but there were barely any food places in sight. we picked a random spot in the middle of nowhere and then decided to take the road to hana (which is on the opposite side of where we were staying, and was about 3 hrs away. and boy did we mess up. we took the alternate road there and it was scarier than going up the volcano bc 1) windy 2) small ass roads which were unpaved at certain points and 3) cliff hugging roads..i cant believe i made the drive there and back it was so terrifying omg. not sure if i would go back. at one point there was a big ass cow in the middle of the road. once we got to hana though, the hike was really nice despite the humidity. almost died crossing the river at the end to see the waterfall. all the rocks had big ants on them!!! how was i supposed to cross the river!!! we missed out on the wading pools though but we were so starving by that time. made the 3 hr drive back and everyone was dead. spent the last day on maui not doing much bc rainy and we were all so dead.

about two weeks after i got back from hawaii was training week in sac for my first big girl job. ngl but i felt super homesick that first night. idk why since i would be home by the end of the week anyway. probably just overwhelmed by how fast everything was happening. graduation and now transitioning into a full time job. scary stuff. but i did make a really good friend in sac so it didnt turn out so bad!!! training was pretty fun bc our presenter was pretty engaging. except when we went over the boring stuff and i was v close to falling asleep. did get to catch up with some of my sac friends though which was nice. went to the state fair for the first time as well. it was..exactly as expected but hotter lmao. my family went to san diego at this time bc my sister was going to comic con but i couldnt make it :(

got back from training and started my first big girl job. im not sure what i expected but it was easy but also hard? my first engagement i was only with one other senior and she was super nice and pretty and really good at lettering. i dont feel like i learned much? i only really did the tasks given to me but i feel like half the time i wasnt even sure what i was doing. i also hated the commute all the way back from walnut creek. the going there wasnt so bad bc i got a ride out to oakland but man it would take forever to get home. :'( my second engagement was just me and a partner and i feel like she expected me to know everything...but i didnt know anything...so i mostly sat around a lot??? esp bc she wasnt on site every day so i had zero supervision. :/ towards the end of the second engagement i got an email from the city saying that they were accepting me into their accounting position and i was like oh shit. i ended up taking the job, which gave me a week in between quitting the first job and starting the second, which i used to go back to LA lmao bc i had a season ticket to universal. actually ate at the three broomsticks this time. it was defs filling and i thought it was a good bang for buck. attempted to go to the walking dead tour..chickened out..twice. i probs would've died in there tbh. also went to disneyland!!!! that was lit. their macone-roni and cheese was da bomb. saw world of color for the first time except it was the 50th anniversary edition so it wasnt so great. bumped into the couple that was in jbieb's love yourself video. tried some new food places in LA and saw some old friends, again.

started my second big girl job. all my coworkers are super nice except the big boss is kind of crazy and anal. but we deal with it. my supervisor is so nice :'( work isnt so bad bc i dont do much lmao. the hardest part sometimes is just staying awake if im being honest. getting paid to do nothing is the life tho.

spent my birthday weekend in monterey. we were supposed to go atv-ing but ended up going wine tasting but also not really bc we liked the first wine so much we got a bottle of that to share. it was really cold that weekend surprisingly so we stayed in and then went to this spa place on a whim and it was definitely an interesting experience.

went as a rice bag for halloween and i think that was probably my greatest costume to date. except we ended up going to a party full of white ppl...and i was like the only asian there gdi

tagged along w my sister when she went to sd. got to see many friends!!! went clubbing as well and that was lit. took michelle clubbing for her 21st birthday, also lit. squadsgiving and christmas were super fun. got some supplies for bullet journaling so guess thatll be my new years resolution. but also to take more photos bc i didnt buy that camera for nothing.

okay so in conclusion. i did a lot of stuff this year. it feels like it was mostly all highs. or maybe i just block out the lows but im pretty sure there were way more highs than lows. 2016 was a great year tbh. oh yeah i also passed two of four parts of my cpa exam!!! woot. in 2016, i learned a lot...of accounting lmao. plus i ran my first 5k!!!!! oh yeah and i joined a gym and now im getting swole af. im not sure what my reflections are. i guess, if i were to compare 2k16 kim to 2k14 kim i've for sure come a long ways. i wasnt afraid to try new challenges and conquer them. i stepped out of my comfort zone multiple times, sometimes with the help of alcohol. i got my shit together and really focused in school (which got me a 4.0 during my last year of college). i also got my shit together and studied my ass off for the cpa (which is still ongoing i crey). i really wanna say this was probably one of my best years with everything i was able to do and everything i achieved. so here's to you, 2016, and may 2017 be even better!!!