#and also buttons from game controllers
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discovered an absolutely metal way to draw pokey
and yes i'll make something super edgy and "poetic" about it
#earthbound spoilers#maybe#pokey minch#porky minch#earthbound art#art#digital art#i imagine the spider mech is full of both grossly organic eyes and body parts like bug legs as buttons#and also buttons from game controllers#and its also all gross and gushy inside
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its killing me that spamton is going thru that situation where people hate woobifying fanon so much that they lean too far in the opposite direction and create fanon 2 where he's cartoonishly evil for no reason
#* ramblings#i get it i was there back when the salt route happened but. the game doesnt exactly portray him as only irredeemable#dont wanna say he did nothing wrong or contribute to the deltarune equivalent of vriscourse..#he's supposed to be the personification of spam and computer viruses yada yada and i wouldnt want it any other way#but the discussions about him are a bit frustrating specially regarding the weird route#like. he's some insane spiteful manipulative homeless guy with no real agency over his own life anymore#<- again not excusing the shit he does but like u can see why he's desperate#its says a lot about him that he gives you the thorn ring knowing full well what it can do but also#i hate when people act like He gives you the ring so its his fault and hes the one true irredeemable villain of the game#(even in the route where that shit never happens)#like bruh you control the buttons you press maybe just dont buy into the things the mentally unwell guy with revenge fantasies is saying..#it takes away the whole thing abt the weird route being the player's fault where you have the chance to turn back 1 million times#which annoys me a lot#but uhm back to spamton. his thing is that while hes not a good person There is an outcome where he doesnt kill everyone#and sort of warms up to the fun gang i guess..#(I got a bit emotional about kris getting reminded of him bc of the pile of hay Ok Leave me alone.)#he's just. nuanced i guess. due to the aforementioned lack of agency its your actions that decide how he ends up#And i chose that he gets to be around doing whatever the fuck with jevil on kris's pocket#so can twitter please stop showing me spamton discourse. Thank you#if he's so evil then why does he fold the moment he sees tenna kept his invasive species thing huh. take that liberals#<- k i figured it out. hes gay and evil#its scary to say anything about this guy kowing the cynicism fueled mischaracterization demons r looming overhead#all that im gonna say is that id appreciate if people came up with their own takes based on the stuff thats in the game instead of-#-mindlessly agreeing with one or two popular takes. art is a mirror of yourself and whatever you think of it should come mainly from you..
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thank you @presdestigatto for tagging me 😚









tagging @balaclavacharles @never-looked-so-good @ferrariprince16 @dobbiamo-capire @charlescherie @caffeinatedlovergirl @debushit and anyone who would like to do this - you are legally obliged to say i was the one to force you to do it
#other things i didn’t include but i wanted to: the stress ball from shey i love to play with but made all grimmy and never washed yet (oops)#one of the 1d themed books#5 pretty buttons my grandma gave me when i was a kid#rocks collection with time and location stamps#empty peroni bottle from the peroni event in bratislava#wristband from red bull showrun in prague#the ferrari car i made out of kids toy#the real ferrari bluetooth controled car i won in a game#the lid of LEC chocolate crunch ice cream because the rest of the tub didn’t fit in my backpack home#a book of religious stories my friend from uni dedicated to me#empty bottle of red bull that saved my life after i got stung by a bee and got a bad allergic reaction#the ikea pillow with black and white hearts#mercedes 2023 driver cards i got by pure luck tbh because shey didn't get them#the ollie bearman driver card that's judt downloaded from his site (lol)#heartshaped lollypop from my cousin's wedding#bottle of handmade origami stars that glow in the dark made by shey#a lanyard with my 'ice hockey player' photo that i got at 2024 iihf championship in prague#the ice hockey jersey number 93 i won at the same championship#paper crown from uni ice hockey battle (which our uni won of course)#'have a toto-lly amazing birthday' card from my sister#the charles with huge neck paper figurine from shey#the postcard collection and tickets collection#the 'family chronicles' journal with family stories and inside jokes i collected over the years#cookbook which is honestly plagiarised mostly from my grandma#a rainbow flag from louis tomlinson concert in prague :)#and of course my good luck ferrari shirt#e#polls#oh wait i also have collection of dried pressed flowers!!!@
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since we putting dlc and whatever into every category might as well put tr1-3 remastered somewhere in there
#personal#don't take this post too serious i'm just mumbling#but to think about it........it wasn't a bad remaster#matter in fact the best port for modern system even?#finally the classics are playable without doing tons of modding just to be able to play them#including bringing back all expansions that were also only playable thru modding on pc#the game is perfectly optimized and u can change the graphics from modern to ps1 in one second with just a button#adding modern controls as an option which still kind of suck but i've seen now many ppl actually liking them now#anyway anyway I think it deserves at least one spot on there in any category even more than that stupid anime show no offense#my final message: traod remastered goty 2025 🫡 idc argue with the wall
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#*handel's hallelujah playing*#a baptism#hehe#i've probably finished it a two-digit number of times at this point but it's been a while#Steam actually recognizes the PS4 controller and changes all the prompts in-game to match the PS button symbols that's kinda cool#after five years of potato-laptop screen using this one is like staring at the sun help#i will be oscar isaac chop-sticking my snacks from this point onward no filth-encrusted fingers shall be touching this keyboard#i can actually update my steam list now i guess#i've been out of the AAA game for ages now i don't even know what to want anymore#i have also chosen to forsake my past chrome ways and pledged myself to a life of firefox from now on#clean break and all that#i can finally ctrl+c/v things again#and after over a goddamn year of working a laptop with a busted screen i can finally just#close#the lid#what a concept
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Truly did not think I would be half drunk, explaining to my father how to work an Xbox 360 controller in the parking lot of a bar at midnight today but that is certainly how my life goes I suppose
#and so it goes#no but seriously what#he got an xbox 360 for free from a coworker#(jealous but also I've saved a perfectly working game cube & about $250 worth of games from being tossed at a job but that's another story)#and he got it for my little brother but the guy gave him a knockoff controller#so there's no start button???#and my poor poor father tried plugging the damn thing into the back with the ports#so i was just like “dude buy a normal one please it will be better in the long run trust”#so we go to Local Chain Video Reseller Shop (which i adore)#and they have one for a good price#and i show him how to put in batteries and that he won't have to plug it in because the future of gaming is now#and we go to the bar and i enrage a woman by playing lots of billy joel (but if you're playing along at home you knew that)#and we get in the car and he's like “explain again? will these games work?”#and I'm like “mike buddy we bought the games it's done-zo but yeah man xbox has backwards compatibility”#and he's like “what's that?”#oh dear lord#so i show him again and tell him that the console takes original xbox and 360 game BUT THAT'S IT NO NEW ONES#still very unsure#i tell him “press xbox button it wake up the controller”#after all this he says “I'll google it”#fuck#off#anyway this was a very unnecessary post but I'm still a bit tipsy so whatever
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Ive gotten so used to not being able to play most games bc of my hands and reaction time n stuff so ive basically gotten used to hitting a ceiling in a game where i can't play normally anymore and need to use assists/cheats so every time i find a game that i Don't need to do that for whenever it ends im just like wait huh thats it???
#cannot decide if Jusant was too short or it's just more accessible than I'm used to so i was able to blaze through it-#either way i would love another game with mechanics like Jusant the climbing was so fluid and satisfying#i thought with my directional confusion n shit i wouldn't be able to get it#but i got a controller and the joysticks and trigger buttons REALLY help with that somehow???#and i managed to get to a point where i was just spidering up walls in seconds#i wanna play more so im actually kind of glad i missed collectibles#this is why you dont 100% run on your first playthrough so you have More Fun to have with it later#i play most games for The Movement (something i Very Much Cannot Do A Lot Of irl) bc its satisfying to Zoom#and that game just has a really solid climbing mechanic its so fun#and so easy to like. make it easier on yourself somehow.#like using pitons to anchor yourself halfway up a wall and then just rappel down to the previous ledge#to regain stamina and then just reel yourself back up to that anchor and keep going#or you can use a piton to just dangle and assess your surroundings#as well as stamina doesnt drain unless you're in motion or under duress (like from weather) so you can pause and look around#plus it's just very fun to climb up this big ol stack and look down and see Wow! I Fuckin Did That!#bc each section is just one real big map so you can fall from top to bottom (of each section)#if you could fall i dont think. the game lets you#cause i tested and if you're not tethered you just do not walk off ledges#which is also nice i like that too it makes me less anxious
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pros of learning fightstick:
- clicky button
- clicky stick
- feels good to play on
cons:
- trying to learn how to mod this MCZ TE1 i have is inflicting psychic damage to me
#this shit feels like learning a new language#thankfully the te1 i own has entirely functional sanwa parts that would withstand a bomb at point blank#so that's less work there#but i need to figure out how i want to handle moving this thing from an xbox 360 to maybe a brooks ufb#and maybe change the art since that'd remove the need for the control panel#and also probably replace the usb cable compartment out bc i just learned they manufacture ones for new buttons#among other things#shit#i'm wondering if this would be more expensive than just buying a new stick#but also..... i love my sanwa shit#fighting games#arcade sticks#fightsticks#thoughts of loog
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you can read the statement "RE4 uses tank controls too" but ngl it's hard to fully comprehend until you're fucking around in RE4 and find a way to make the camera fixed?? like oh my god it IS tank controls literally broke my brain to suddenly be playing RE4 with CVX controls. it feels like a different game fr
#my brain filled in cvx controls as the specific example bc i have not played re1 in a hot ass minute...#also i played it on my 3ds so like even tho the controls are technically the same i still associate cvx and re4 stronger bc i play them both#on an emulator so the controls still feel more similar than to playing smth with physical buttons yknow#anyways when i was playing re1 the first time i was trying to look up tips for getting used to tank controls and found an old thread where#someone was salty abt ppl struggling with classic re games and was like RE4 USES TANK CONTROLS TOO WHY DON'T YOU STRUGGLE WITH THAT GAME TOO#and i forgot all about that anecdote until this reminded me and my god he was right. i mean KIND OF right. bc ultimately the different#camera does mean the controls very different from fixed camera even tho they are technically tank controls too#i genuinely like both styles but they're different. switching between them always fucks me up it takes me a bit to readjust#the first time i played re1 i spent... an embarrassing amount of time in the dining room running in circles repeatedly not knowing wtf i#was doing at all. good times. once it fully sunk in i did like it but it took a long time
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it's the way for me it's not even Just absurdly increasing prices of things. it's that in tandem with the everything else
#chatty!#pay all this money to buy a download code of a game. how long until u need an online subscription to play that game#heres a button integrated Into The Controller Itself. a button u cannot even functionally use without a subscription#already own a game we're releasing? thats okay u can just buy an Upgrade Pass#heres a tech demo game for the console. it costs money#also the games never will go on sale#all of it just sounds like an elaborate bit to me like theres no way ur being serious. and yet.#my prediction is theyre going to end up backpedaling Hard but honestly even if they do#like......im still not buying the thing. i hope nobody does. wake em the fuck up#waiting for the actual console drop and it ends up not actually running much differently from the og
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dg you MUSNT play 9btn on popn portable. it will KILL YOU !!
but for real, i usually just stick to 5 button whenever i play popn portable, doing anything more just feels REALLY wack... at least to me. 5 button is really fun though !!
At this point dying by rhythm game is the usual asjdkasdkjasdha
I genuinely want to learn full 9 button pop'n tho! Ive been meaning to properly get into the series for a long time... but I probably wont shoot for that on PSP actually!!
Ive never experienced a more unintuitive control scheme on a home console port of a rhythm game (for 7-9 button mode, 5 button works pretty well!)
bemani is insane.
I could try to figure out something with the vita's extra mappable buttons and right analog stick to make it less of a headache
Like this control scheme with the right stick set to the left analog stick?? maybe???
Egh. I should probably just get a dedicated controller like the PS1 pads if I really want to get serious with the series... and maybe just play one of the PS2 ones in general (11 has caught my eye for the longest time)
Until I figure something out; ill settle with 5 buttons as it is pretty dang fun and I cant lie and say the songlist isnt surprisingly robust.
#I do see myself gravitating towards pump it up more for my portable rhythm game fix outside of taiko in all honesty#Pop'n is still a goal I want to work on for a long time but its control scheme is both my main hook... and my main deterrent from it#its just a nightmare to translate to a home console pad#I will get a whole set up going in the future. Ive been slacking on Bemani games for too long#also one more note. good lord no pause button??? oh godddd
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Why do people make games either for the computer or port them to the computer and then not allow people to reassign any buttons to the mouse. “Game is best played with the controller” YEAH BECAUSE YOU WON’T LET ME REASSIGN ANY BUTTONS TO MY FUCKING MOUSE JACKASS.
And furthermore, am I more frustrated by this than normal due to my headache or has the frustration of this repeatedly happening just built up over time. Or is it both. I can’t tell anymore, my inter head is a malaise of fucking misery
#Slimer.RANT#I fucking get this w additional mouse buttons. not everyone has those; even if it’s frustrating when I have to remap something away from my-#broke ass spacebar and my next preferred button is my fourth mouse key#but the whole ass fucking mouse?! my fucking right and left click?! stupidity knows no bounds#but at the end of the fucking day; I am not buying a controller that I’m only going to use for a handful of games. especially not when I-#don’t fucking like using controllers in the first place. it’s almost like I play on my pc *for a fucking reason game developers*#maybe it’s because I prefer my keyboard over my (mostly) perfectly fine fucking switch.#absolute fucking horseshit.#now I’m going to be debating on refunding the game; probably after I see if this is one of those times where something is mapped and the-#devs just don’t fucking list it in the controls because that *also* happens a stupid amount.
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i know it's not my birthday anymore but someone should buy me sonic x shadow generations. i deserve it.
#or i could get a job. ugh.#i have the og sonic generations (it's real cheap on steam) but it's maybe the worst pc port ever made#it only has xbox controls so i have to cross reference the controls with a diagram to figure out what button it is on my ps4 controller#and half the time it doesn't even connect to my controller#and also you can't alt-tab out of the window (it's onyl fullscreen no windowed mode) without it crashing and closing without saving#which is. so annoying.#however... from what i HAVE played of the game. banger.
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God I forgot how good Pokemon Sun and Moon were.
The like. background alolan sovereignty stuff and the frankly startlingly sensitive discussion of child abuse and the way they entertwine? Team Skull being kids failed by the system, and that social ill giving room for the Aether Foundation to sort of push its way in and establish a hold in Alola to "do good"? The fact that the stuff the Aether Foundation is doing is really good work from a certain perspective, but is also disruptive, controlling, and not in alignment with the Alolan way of doing things? Guzma being abused as a kid, and ending up pushed around and manipulated by Lusamine, an abuser herself, who knows how to push his buttons?
The whole subplot of looking for a champion, which probably would've been Kukui or Guzma if their own hero and rival story hadn't been shattered by the stuff that happened to them? Guy whose dad broke golf sticks over him develops a perfectionist obsessed with being strong enough that nobody can beat him again, and constantly proves to himself he's safe by throwing that strength around? The way their relationship starts to repair when those societal problems start to be addressed?
And then Gladion and Lillie. God. The way Gladion is the older child who figured out what was happening first and got out of there, went no contact, and had to do what he could to stay off the street. The way Lillie is just starting to figure out and unpack the things her mother taught her, and beginning to become braver and show more independence? How her fucking mother DRESSED HER UP AS THE NIHILEGO, and then her big moment is to put together her own trainer-like outfit, to start picking her own clothes?? The way Lusamine treats her pokemon with zero humanity but pretties up and preserves them horrifically for show, the way the Aether Foundation is engaging in torturous unethical experimentation, as metaphors for the way she abuses each of her children???
The ways in which Guzma, Gladion, and Lillie all bond with Pokemon that sort of symbolically resonate with the kinds of abuse they received and the way they learned to deal with it--Guzma picking bugs, traditionally the weakest type, and Wimpod who runs from everything--showing the kindness deep down in him, and the way he grew up to be strong. Gladion, whose pokemon was more overtly abused, and evolves through his care into Silvally who can take on any type the way Gladion is forced to learn how to adapt to being by himself, and then to being a member of the community? And Lillie with Nebby, who starts out weak and defenseless, helpless, imprisoned, and escapes despite that and gets by through relying on other people, until she learns to take care of herself--and her buddy evolves into the legendary that defends the Alola Region from alien threats like her mother????
fuck that game was good. it fit so well with the themes and aesthetics of pokemon. I really wish they'd make more like it.
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you gotta win if you wanna cum ྀི
“keep playing” gojo murmurs barely audible, almost embarrassed to say it—but his fingers are already slipping under your shorts like he's done this in his head a hundred time. “i-i wanna see if… my good girl can win…like this.” his fingers slid past the hem of your shorts.
It was supposed to be just another quiet night. you, your switch, and your nerdy boyfriend with messy hair and a half-finished soda on the table. you were in his lap, like always, thighs straddling his left one, back against his chest. His glasses were crocked because of your head resting on the side of his face. his hands had been resting, harmlessly, mid-thigh.
but tonight it seems like they had a mind of their own. his palms slided up, awkward at first, like he was working up the nerve. and once he brushed your inner thigh and felt how warm you were—how you were already grinding a little without realizing, he sucked in a shaky breath.
“y-you’re, um…" he chuckled nervously, “you're kinda…really…wet already. that's-uh- that's cute.” you can feel how red his ears are. can hear the shaky exhale he lets out as he presses two fingers against the damp fabric of your panties.
you tried to focus on the screen, but his fingers pushed beneath your panties, hesitant but hungry, dragging along your slit with a low groan. his voice was uneven when he spoke again—like he was trying to sound teasing but couldn't hide how wrecked he was.
“wh-what kind of gamer gets this needy holding a controller?” he stammered.
you jolted, hips twitching into his touch, and he gasped softly against your neck—his cock straining against his sweats, and he bit down on a shaky moan.
“i—fuck, wait—don’t cum yet,” he breathed out quickly, as if panicked by how close you already felt. “you—you can’t. not unless you beat the level. that’s the rule.”
you whimpered, legs trembling, gripping the controller tighter as his fingers toyed with your clit in little circles. It was almost clumsy but somehow that made it worse. and the nerdy tone he used—the one when explaining game stats or why a manga panel made him cry—being used, now, to deny your orgasm was really hot.
“i just—it's stupid, but i get turned on seeing you so focused,” he admitted, voice breaking with a shy laugh. “you always look so serious when you play, and i just—kinda wanna mess that up…” when you buck forward, your hips grinding down onto the firm flex of his thigh, he gasps like he’s the one being touched.
“you’re—ngh—you’re seriously doing that on my leg?” His voice cracks in disbelief, cock twitching in his pants. “d-didn’t know you l-liked that…”
his hand creeps up under your shirt with all the subtlety of a boy who’s fantasized about this a thousand times. he palms your breast awkwardly at first, afraid he’ll mess it up, but once his fingers find your nipple—he’s not shy anymore.
he groans, deep and sharp, twisting the sensitive bud between two fingers. “f-fuck, that's so soft,” he breathes. “you're not allowed to b-be this soft when i'm trying…when i'm trying to be m-mean.”
your hands are trembling, buttons mashed half-heartedly as he toys with you like you're his favorite collectible. the pleasure clouds everything. your character on screen stumbles, gets hit, and before you can react—
game over. you freeze, the screen flashes in cruel pixelated defeat.
gojo blinks, “you lost?” his voice is unfortunately too high to be cocky, too breathless to be smug.."c-c'mon you're supposed to be my elite little gamer." you squirm in his lap, frustration boiling in your cheeks—not just from the lost, but also from the aching throb between your legs. “you k-kept distracting me!”
he hums, almost pathetic. then he presses two fingers against your clit, “close doesn't count,” he whispers as he pinches, a sharp flick to your swollen bud. the arm around your chest tightens, his thumb rolling your nipple like it's a fidget toy.
you whine, your head drop on his shoulder, “i w-will win.”
“that's ma girl,” he kisses your temple before licking a stripe behind your ear. “b-but until then…” he presses his thigh up, grinding it into your core while teasing your nipple between sharp tugs. “you're m-mine to play with.”
your fingers tighten around the controller, eyes locked on the screen. and every time you press a button, he mirrors it with a flick or a pinch or a firm grind of his thigh into your pulsing heat.
“shit—satoru,” you breathe, trying to keep your avatar alive.
“keep g-going, you're doing just r-right." he mutters, voice shaky. his glasses are fogged, his hands aren't steady, and his cock is rock-hard beneath you, straining uselessly against his sweats as your soaked core grinds down, again and again, onto his tense thigh.
“you wanna cum?” he asks as he licks the shell of your ear—shaky and wrecked. “t-then win… be my good gamer girl. beat the boss f'me, please...” he presses down harder, rubs the letters W-I-N in slow motion on your sensitive bundle. the pressure is maddening—never enough, always just shy of what you need—and it drags you into the haze of overstimulation.
the motion causes your character to stumble, again, and the screen flashes—again.
gojo groans, high-pitched. “babyyy—c'mon, you can do better,” he pants, cock twitching. “th-that's a little pathetic, don't make me beg f'you to win…”
you try to grind against his hand, desperate and needy to soothe the ach between your legs. “p-please—satoruu, just let me,”
he chokes out a laugh—breathless and delirious—his grip on your nipple tightens, making you whimper. “s-sowwyyy,” he mumbles, but it sounds more like an apology from someone completely gone. “rules are—ah!—rules, i gotta stick to 'em, right?”
but you lose. again and again.
and by the fourth try, you're barely able to see straight. your legs are trembling, pussy drooling over his pants, leaving an enormous wet patch on his thigh.
he buries his face against your neck, glasses slipping sideways, voice a ragged mess of broken need. “we’ll keep playing,” he groans, like it physically pains him, “until my perfect gamer girl learns to beat the boss while g-getting ruined so bad she forgets her own name.” you moan uncontrollably at his words, tears forming at the corner of your eyes.
his nose nudges your temple, “you sound so pretty when you whine like that.” his voice is so soft. “you feel even better.” your grinding gets slower, deeper, and gojo's hands go from gripping your breasts to fumbling—desperately—with the waistband of your shorts.
“he-he, wait—" his sentence breaks off in a cracked moan as his thumb drives back to your panties, finding your clit, drawing unfocused circles like he's forgotten what rhythm even is. his face is flushed, so desperate it's almost pitiful—fingers slipping and smearing your slick everywhere, breathing out broken pleas between every twitch. “y-you're so wet, i can't—fuck—i can't—t-this is so fucked up, i can't think—”
gojo groans through his teeth, his whole frame trembling. “fuuuuuck, y-you gotta stop, i'm-i��m…gonna…” he's desperately trying to keep it together but failing spectaculary. his cock jerking under you with every buck. “s-shouldn't feel this good—fucking h-hell, i'm gonna cum—gonna cum in m-my pants…OHSHITOHSHITFUCKSHITFUUUCK”
his whole body jerks, sudden and absolutely out of his control. an embarrassed moan bursts his lips as he ruts up against your ass—cumming hard, painting the inside of his sweats in sticky heat. his cock twitches helplessly, completely untouched. he whimpers your name into your shoulder like it's a confession. his glasses slip right off, forgotten, as his head lolls against you.
gojo still tries to move his fingers on your stimulated clit, as his mouth leaves open-mouthed kisses against your shoulder. he draggs his hand up back to your hardened tits—palming your breasts, rubbing, squeezing, thumbing your nipples with pure, overwhelmed need.
“we're not done,” he groans, like it's hurting him that you're not cumming. “you're dripping all o-over m'thigh, i c-came like a loser—please, win already, pretty.” he whines, “i-i'll help, i swear, just—fuck—win!”
his hand never stills. slippery fingers flick your clit in desperate, uneven motions, his other hand clutching your tits like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded. you’re drooling against his neck now, wrecked and teetering on the edge, and gojo’s crying out every time you shift your weight.
“win,” he sobs, high and broken. “win, baby, please—i’ll cum again too, I will, I’m so close again, y-you feel sogood—“
And the boss’s health bar drops. One last combo. You slam the button.
Victory!!!!
you’re shaking, grinding down with abandon, the game forgotten for just one second—because it’s too much. he’s still whispering praise like he’s praying, hips jerking like he might cum in any second just from the way you clench around nothing. you scream, messy and guttural, because you need it—need him—and it’s all spilling over.
“'t-toru, i win—please, w-wanna cum—please ‘toru—pleaseee,” tears streak down your cheeks as you sob into his neck, twitching with every stroke, every messy rub of his soaked fingers. “c-can’t—’toru, i can’t—too much, ‘s too much—“
he’s not stopping. he whimpers your name, glassy eyes locked on your face memorizing every broken cry that falls from your lips. “you won, y-you get to cum now—I have to make you cum—” he sounds just as wrecked as you, maybe worse. his fingers finally slip inside—two of them, thick and long—he curls them immediately, searching that spongy spot, desperate to please you.
your walls clamp around him so tight he nearly cums again. bullet of sweats are dropping down his neck as he wines, “y-you're squeezing me reallyy good—shit” his breath stutters against your neck, sobbing out broken, pathetic moans as his fingers drag over that spot again and again.
“Let go for me,” he begs. “Please, please, I need you to—need to feel you cum, please, baby—" you're a mess in his lap, crying and convulsing, thighs slick and shaking—his fingers keep pistoning you as he babbles some uncoherent praise and filth against your hot skin.
“g-gonna make you cum so hard,” he pants, sounding half-feral. “gonna feel you soak m-my fingers, fuck—wan’ it messy, baby, wan’ it loud—”
and when you do, when your body snaps and you wail into his shoulder, soaking his hand in a gush of warmth—he lets out the filthiest, most broken moan you’ve ever heard as he cums a second time.
Unprompted. Pathetically. Just from feeling your cunt pulse around his fingers.
#jujutsu kaisen#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x y/n#jujutsu gojo#gojo smut#nerd gojo#nerdjo#jjk satoru#gojo saturo#jjk smut#jjk x you#jjk fanfic#jjk#jjk drabbles#jjk gojo#gojo x reader#satoru smut#jjk x reader
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Don't Let Go ✩ Bob Reynolds

Pairings: Bob Reynolds x Thunderbolt!Reader
Warnings: +18 SMUT MINORS DNI. rough sex, emotional sex, public sex, mental health themes (trauma, guilt, PTSD), depictions of breakdowns, emotional, angst, praise kink, possessiveness, aftermath of violence, unprotected p in v, guilt, self-loathing, established trauma bond.
Summary: The mission was supposed to be clean. Routine. But nothing is simple when the Sentry is involved, when Bob loses control, and the Void takes over. And when he does, you're the only one who can pull him back.
Word Count: 4658
Author's Note: don't even ask me if I'm okay cause the answer is no. I'm destroyed. completely destroyed and emotionally wrecked. i am ruined. bob reynolds ruins me. if you finished this and also felt like your heart's been pulled out and kissed back to life, welcome to the club. my inbox is open if you want to send me your therapy bill—just know I’m probably gonna have to come with you cause what the fuck. i love you bobby you're everything to me!!! if you want to be added to my taglist just comment below!! <333 feel free to cry with me in the comments and scream in the reblogs. i need to go outside and touch some grass, reconnect with nature and breathe cause my heart is destroyed after this one. i literally can't stop writing for bob what the hell!! bucky is jealous cause bob's taking up space in my mind that used to belong to bucky. lewis pullman you babygirlllllllllllll
masterlist.
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The mission was supposed to be simple. In and out. Detain the targets, secure the entire facility, and minimize civilian casualties. Standard Thunderbolts cleanup. You'd done this dance before—storm in, assert dominance, extract data and bodies. Easy.
But you knew the moment Bucky said, "Bob's on this one," everything in your chest went cold.
The tower was quiet, too quiet, until it wasn't. Until the entire place was filled with hurried footsteps, shouts bouncing off the walls, and orders being thrown like grenades, gear bags being slammed open, weapons loaded with sharp clicks, and comms lighting up with rapid-fire intel. The whole floor shifted into emergency mode.
You'd barely finished gearing up when Yelena grabbed your arm and dragged you toward the elevator, her expression tight, mouth set in that grim, no-bullshit line that only ever meant bad news.
"Valentina wants all of us on-site," she muttered, pressing the call button with enough force to crack the panel. "Right now. Facility breach. Something about biotech. Hostages."
"Since when do we scramble before briefing?" you asked, yanking the zipper of your new tactical suit closed, holster strap still half-loose dangling on your hip. "Do we even have a plan?"
Yelena didn't answer. She didn't have to.
When the elevator doors opened, Bucky was already inside, pacing back and forth. His jaw clenched, comms piece buzzing with chatter. He looked up when he saw you—but he didn’t smile. Didn’t nod.
Jeez, so much for a good morning.
"Let me guess," you said, stepping into the elevator next to him. "Valentina's stunt?"
"She pulled Bob in last minute," Bucky said, his voice laced with frustration. "Didn't even care to fucking tell me. I found out when I saw his name on the team feed. Walker's there with him, Ava too."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" you froze. "She put him first? With Walker?"
“She wants to see if he's still 'field-capable.'" Bucky's voice dripped sarcasm. "Her exact words. She thinks this is some kind of game. Like we're testing out a new drone, not a man who nearly blacked out half of a city six months ago."
“Is she out of her fucking mind?” you hissed. “Bob’s not—he’s not ready. He shouldn't be anywhere near this.”
“No shit,” Yelena muttered from the other side, crossing her arms. “And we’re the ones who’ll have to clean up if he loses it again.”
You exhaled slowly, trying to damp down the rolling anger in your chest. Not at Bob—of course not, this wasn't his fault. You were mad at Valentina and her fucking need to push him to the edge. "Great," you muttered, rubbing your face with a hand. "Let's all just hold hands and pray he doesn't crack."
The VTOL sliced through the clouds like a blade, engines humming low and tense. Rain battered the sides in sharp bursts.
You sat strapped between Yelena and Alexei, your harness tight across your chest, heart beating even tighter beneath it. Across from you, Bucky was locked in, jaw clenched, staring out the side window with a look that could shatter the glass any moment. When he finally looked away from the window, he fixed his gaze directly on you.
"I need you to be ready," he said, voice low and rasped. "In case Void—" He paused, breathing raggedly. "In case Bob snaps."
You blinked. "Bucky—"
"If it happens," he cut you off, "if he breaks... don't wait for an order. Do not hesitate. You hit him with everything you've got."
Your mouth opened, but no words came out.
Because you hesitated.
Not because you didn't understand the danger. Not because you didn't know what Bob was capable of when the Void took hold. You'd seen it. Firsthand. The devastation. The aftermath. The look in his eyes—those dark, endless eyes—when he realized what he’d done.
But you'd also seen something else. You'd also seen the other side of him. The guilt
You'd been there the last time. When the Void clawed its way up his throat like poison, he dropped to his knees, shaking, burning with power, guilt, and fear. You were the only one who could get through to him. The only one who could touch him without him recoiling like he might shatter.
You'd whispered his name and watched his fist unclench slowly. You'd put your hand on his chest and feel his heartbeat slow. You'd seen how the black storm slowly evaporated, leaving a broken man sobbing against your chest.
That night was the worst for Bob.
You remember it vividly—his body trembling against yours, eyes wide and hollow after the Void had finally disappeared. He hadn't said a word. Just sank to the ground, hands fisting in his hair, like he was trying to hold his skull together.
You’d dropped down beside him, pulled him close, felt the heat radiating off his skin like a fever breaking. And when he finally clung to you—arms wrapped around your waist, face buried in your shoulder—it wasn’t just desperation. It was terror. Like if he let go, he’d fall into some pit that never ended.
He cried.
God, he cried so hard.
And you didn’t say anything. You didn’t try to soothe it away. You just held him. Let him shake. Let him break.
That night, you stayed with him.
He pulled you into bed like he didn’t even realize he was doing it—just moved toward your body like it was instinct, like your presence was the only thing keeping him tethered to the world. His fingers curled in your shirt, his face buried in your chest, breath hiccuping between exhausted sobs.
You thought he’d fall asleep eventually.
He didn’t. Not right away.
He kept whispering, voice barely audible: “Don’t leave. Please. Just… don’t leave.”
And how could you?
You didn’t.
So you stayed.
And when he finally passed out—curled around you like a second skin, little soft snores slipping past parted lips—you just watched him. His face was peaceful for once. Almost boyish. His lashes fluttered when he dreamed, but he didn’t cry out. Not with you there.
You tried to slip out once.
Just to stretch. To breathe. But the second your body shifted away, his arms tightened like a vice, dragging you back in, even in his sleep. Like his subconscious couldn’t bear the thought of you disappearing.
From that night on, it became… a thing.
Every time he had a nightmare. Every time the Void started to whisper again. Every time he needed quiet but didn’t know how to ask for it—he came to you.
He never knocked loud. Just a soft tap on your door, barely audible. You’d open it to find him standing there, shoulders hunched, hair messy, eyes big and guilty and so shy. Like he hated himself for needing you but couldn’t help it.
“Can I…?” he’d start to ask, voice barely above a whisper.
And you’d always let him in.
Always.
God, you loved it. Loved being the one person he came to. The one place he felt safe. The way he melted into you the second the door shut. The way he’d sleep tangled in your arms, legs hooked with yours like he needed as many points of contact as possible to stay grounded.
You never told anyone.
You never wanted to ruin it.
It was quiet. Sacred. Yours.
And now, strapped into this VTOL, Bucky’s words still echoing in your ears—“Don’t hesitate. Hit him with everything you’ve got”—all you could think about was how peaceful he looked in your bed. How tightly he held you. How terrified he was of being alone.
Because what if you could reach him again?
What if hitting him wasn’t the answer? What if all he needed was someone to see him before he disappeared completely?
Bucky must’ve seen the flicker in your expression, because his voice dropped lower.
“I know you’re close to him. I know he listens to you more than anyone else. But if that stops—if he doesn’t hear you this time... don’t let him take you down with him.”
He’ll hear me, you thought, jaw clenched.
He has to.
Yelena’s hand reached over, slow and steady, her fingers brushing against yours before curling around them. Her grip was warm, firm—anchoring. You turned slightly, meeting her eyes.
She gave you a small, quiet smile. The kind that didn’t promise everything would be okay, just that you wouldn’t be alone when it wasn’t.
“It’ll be alright,” she whispered. "We'll be right behind you."
You squeezed her hand back, once.
"Visuals confirm contact inside the facility," the pilot’s voice crackled through the comms. "We’ve got movement near the lab sector. Hostiles engaged. Sentry’s already on-site."
You looked up sharply. "Already?"
He wasn’t supposed to engage alone.
Bucky swore under his breath, ripping the earpiece out and jamming it back in. "Why the fuck didn’t you wait for us—"
Ava spoke through the comms, her voice shivering. “He didn’t wait. I told him to stand down, and he just… went in.”
Then the ground came into view through the viewport—flames licking up from the roof of the biotech facility, smoke pluming into the sky, the perimeter in total disarray.
"Doors open in twenty seconds," the pilot called.
You shivered. You could feel it. That humming tension in your bones, the kind that only came right before everything went to hell.
He's already slipping.
"Get ready," Bucky barked, snapping his rifle into place as he stood. "Move fast, eyes sharp. We don't know how bad it is yet."
Yelena stood up, nodding once, checking her gear. You followed closely behind.
“Hostiles are still active inside,” came another voice—Walker’s, sharp and panicked over comms. “But it’s—fuck, it’s a massacre down here. I don’t know what the hell he’s doing. I can't see him. He’s not fucking responding.”
Your heart clenched.
“Bob,” you whispered, barely audible.
Then: a boom.
A section of the lower level erupted in a plume of golden-white light, fire tearing up through the concrete as the building shook from the force of it. A pulse of energy rippled outward, flattening a chunk of the south wall like paper.
The VTOL lurched slightly from the shockwave.
“Doors opening!” the pilot shouted. “Deploy, deploy—go, go!”
The ramp dropped—and the storm hit you in the face.
Rain. Smoke. Sirens. And somewhere beneath it all, a familiar hum.
You ran.
Boots pounding against the rooftop, leaping the last few feet to the access hatch. Bucky and Yelena flanked you, weapons drawn, slicing through the chaos with practiced precision.
You barely had time to adjust before Bucky grabbed your arm, spinning you toward him. His face was grim, soaked, eyes blazing.
“Go!” he shouted over the roar. “You need to find him!”
“What about—?”
“We’ll handle the rest!” he cut in, already moving, already aiming down the chaos below. “If anyone can reach him before he turns this whole goddamn place to ash—it’s you. Yelena will be right behind you. Walker and Ava are already inside. Go!”
Your breath hitched.
Then you nodded, once, sharp and sure.
And you ran—straight into the smoke, straight into the fire.
Straight toward him.
The inside of the facility was a warzone. Emergency lights flickered through thick smoke. Sparks rained from broken ceiling panels. The walls were scorched, the tile beneath your boots cracked and slick with blood and water. You passed fallen bodies—some hostiles, some just gone, disintegrated into scorched outlines and ash.
He’d been here.
You ran faster. Your breath became shorter. Your fingers twitched at your sides.
And then you saw him.
Floating.
Just inches off the ground, his body trembling with power barely held in check. His suit was torn, soaked, blood-slick. His hair clung to his forehead in damp curls. His hands hung at his sides, fingers curled in like claws.
He hand't noticed you yet. He was talking to himself, low and frantic, like he didn't even realize sound was coming out of his mouth.
“I didn’t mean to—I tried, I tried, they didn’t listen—I told them not to run—why did they run—”
Your heart clenched. You took a breath, steady and slow. Lifted your hands, palms open, non-threatening. Stepped forward, one careful step at a time.
"Bob," you whispered.
His head jerked up like a struck animal. His eyes were pitch black. Not just his pupils. Everything. You could see the Void slowly taking over control of his entire body. Crawling across his skin in veins of shadow, threading through him like poison, claiming more and more by the second. There was nothing human in his face.
Then he saw you.
You took another step forward, heart hammering against your ribs.
"Bob," you said again, softer now.
His lips parted. The black in his eyes shimmered, like something beneath it was trying to break through, trying to remember.
You took another step.
"I'm here," you said, voice steady despite the tremble in your hands. "It's me."
"GET DOWN!" a voice screamed behind you.
You barely turned in time to see the soldier—young, shaken, finger already tightening on the trigger of his rifle, aimed straight at Bob.
“No!” you shouted, throwing a hand out. “Don’t—don’t shoot him!”
But it was too late.
You whipped back toward Bob—and his hand was already rising. Not fast. Slow. Deliberate.
Eyes locked on the soldier, face blank and unreadable, voice low and distant.
“Mine.”
“Bob!” you screamed, adrenaline tearing through your veins like lightning. You rushed toward him, arm outstretched. “STOP! STOP!”
A pulse of black energy burst from his palm. It didn’t make a sound. It didn’t explode. It just erased. The soldier was there—and then he wasn’t.
No scream. No blood. Just a curling wisp of smoke, and a blackened shadow scorched into the tile where he’d stood. Like reality itself had been scrubbed clean.
Your breath caught. Your body froze.
The soldier was gone. Just like that. And Bob? He didn't move. Didn't even flinch. Just stood there, hand still raised, void energy curling around his fingers like it wanted more.
You moved before you even realized it.
You ran.
“BOB!” you screamed, voice hoarse with panic.
You slammed into him, hands flying up to grab his face—rough, desperate, grounding. Your fingers dug into his jaw, into his cheeks, trying to feel him, shake him loose from the darkness overtaking his body.
“Bob! Look at me!” you yelled, tears already slipping down your face. “Fuck—look at me, please!"
His head twitched in your grip, eyes still black, but they widened. Like he didn’t know how you got so close. Like he didn’t even recognize his own name.
“You promised,” you choked out, forehead pressed against his. “You promised you wouldn’t let this happen again. You said I could help you. You let me in. Bob, please, I know you can hear me. Let me in. Let me help you."
And then—
He blinked.
Once.
Twice.
The black void in his eyes gone, replaced by fear. Replaced by gut-wrenching guilt.
And suddenly his hands were on you—gripping your arms, trembling hard. Holding you like you were the only thing keeping him from flying apart.
“I didn’t mean to,” he rasped, voice splintering in his throat. “I just… he—he pointed that gun at you. I—”
His knees buckled.
You caught him.
“I didn’t mean to,” he rasped again, clinging like he didn’t even realize he was doing it. “I didn’t—fuck, I didn’t mean to—”
“I know,” you whispered, trying to keep your voice steady, fingers stroking through his hair, down his back. “I know, it’s okay. You’re okay—I got you. I'm right here."
You could feel it under your hands—the tension building again. The static crawling across his skin. He was shaking harder now, like he was trying to hold himself together with bare hands and sheer will, and it wasn’t enough. It was never enough.
“I told them,” he growled, voice rising, wild and hoarse. “I told them not to send me. I told them—I told them!”
“Bob,” you tried again, your hands cradling his face, trying to ground him. “Stop—just breathe, okay? Look at me. Just look at me. It’s over. You’re okay. I’m here.”
“Bob—”
“Holy shit,” someone gasped.
You turned. Too fast. The team stood there. Yelena’s eyes were wide. Ava’s mouth hung open. Alexei looked stunned. Bucky was frozen mid-step.
And Walker? Walker’s gaze went straight to the scorched mark on the floor, and his lip curled.
“What the fuck did he do?”
That was it.
You snapped.
“You were supposed to look out for him!” you roared, your voice echoing down the hall like a whipcrack. “You knew he wasn’t ready! You knew, and you left him in there anyway—what the fuck were you thinking?!”
“Don’t yell at me because your little pet project finally snapped—”
You stepped toward him so fast Yelena actually reached out to stop you.
“Say that again, Walker.” you dared, low and deadly. “Say it. Fucking say it again.”
“Guys—” Ava started.
“Oh my god,” Yelena whispered behind you.
And that’s when you realized—Bob wasn’t in your arms anymore.
You turned, panic already in your throat. He was standing a few feet away, eyes locked on the floor, fists clenched. His shoulders were shaking, his jaw tight, like he was about to split open.
The way they were all looking at him. Like he was a monster.
And he saw it. He saw everything.
“No, no, wait—” you started.
But he was already moving. He shoved past you, not roughly—never roughly—but like he couldn’t stand to be touched anymore. Like he didn’t deserve it. And then he ran.
You didn’t hesitate.
You ran after him.
You found him down a back alley, drenched in rain, his back pressed to the wall like it was the only thing keeping him upright. His fists were clenched, jaw tight, chest heaving like he couldn’t catch his breath. He hadn’t looked at you yet, but you could see it—how close he was to falling apart, how the power still surged beneath his skin, barely contained. His body shook with it, with guilt, with the kind of rage that didn’t know where to go.
You took a step closer and he shifted like he was going to bolt again, eyes flicking to the shadows like he could vanish into them.
You grabbed his wrist. Tight. “Don’t run.”
That stopped him. His breath hitched, but he didn’t turn.
“Bob,” you said, softer now, over the pounding rain. “Please. Look at me.”
He turned slowly—and god, the look on his face broke you wide open. Soaked, shattered, eyes full of guilt and too many unsaid things. He looked like he didn’t believe he deserved to stand in front of you. Like just being seen by you hurt.
Then he kissed you.
Hard. Desperate.
Like he needed your mouth to remind him he was still real.
The kiss came out of nowhere. Teeth. Tongue. Desperation. You collided like two storms, all sharp edges and soaked skin. His mouth crushed yours, messy, uncoordinated, bruising. You dragged your hands through his rain-slick hair, pulled him closer until your bodies slammed together. He groaned your name like it hurt to say it, like it ripped something open inside him just to speak it.
You kissed him back with everything you had, dragging your fingers through his soaked curls, pulling him closer, crushing your lips to his until your teeth clacked and your breath fogged the air between you. He whimpered into it, raw and broken, hands clutching your waist through your suit like he didn’t know where to touch, like he needed to touch everywhere.
“I’m sorry,” he gasped against your lips, voice already hoarse. “I’m so fucking sorry—please, I didn’t mean to—I didn’t—” His words cut off with a sob. You shushed him with another kiss, slower this time, lips brushing his like a promise.
“I need you,” he breathed, voice broken. “God—I need you, I need you so bad—I can’t—fuck—don’t let go—please, don’t let go—”
Your gear hit the wall behind you, water slapping between you like applause. His mouth was on your throat, biting, sucking, moaning, as your hands worked beneath his already ripped suit, shoving it aside, frantic to get to skin. His hips rocked into yours like he couldn’t stand being apart from you even for a second.
“Please,” he groaned again, breath hot against your ear. “I’ll do anything. Anything. Just—fuck—just let me have you.”
You gasped, arching against him, letting him press you tighter to the bricks. You were already soaked—skin flushed, thighs shaking—and the way he clung to you like you were the only real thing left in his world snapped something open inside you.
You grabbed his face, kissed him hard, desperate. “Take it,” you whispered, voice shaking. “Take anything. Everything. I’m all yours, Bob.”
He whimpered—actually whimpered—and that was it.
Your suit came undone in ragged pieces, his hands tearing at fastenings with trembling fingers, your legs wrapping around his waist as he shoved your soaked underwear aside. His fingers dug into your hips hard enough to leave bruises, grinding his cock against your slick center until you cried out, nails raking down his back.
“Fuck—fuck, you’re so wet,” he gasped. “You want it, don’t you? You want me to lose it for you—inside you—?”
“Yes,” you sobbed, tilting your head back as he pushed in. “Yes, yes—please—”
He thrust into you in one deep, brutal stroke and you screamed, fingers clawing at his soaked suit, legs tightening around his hips. He was so deep, so hot, so real, and the way he fucked you—fast, rough, relentless—was like he didn’t know if he’d survive without this. Without you.
Every thrust hit something raw, something needy, his voice ragged against your ear. “You’re mine—you’re mine, say it—fuck, say it—”
“I’m yours,” you cried, body shaking. “I’m yours, Bob—fuck, don’t stop, don’t stop—”
He sobbed against your throat, thrusting harder, faster, panting between curses and broken prayers. “You’re perfect—so perfect—god, you feel so good—you make everything quiet. You make it all fucking stop—”
And when you came, it hit like a shockwave—your whole body convulsing around him, mouth open in a wordless scream as he slammed into you, burying himself deep and coming hard, spilling inside you with a desperate cry of your name like it was the only thing anchoring him to this plane.
He held you afterward like he might never let go, still shaking, still breathing like he’d run through hell. His forehead pressed to yours, voice wrecked.
“Don’t leave me,” he whispered. “Please don’t ever leave me.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered back, and this time, it was a vow.
His breathing was ragged.
Shallow gasps against your neck, chest rising and falling like he was still trying to outrun something only he could see. The rain hadn’t let up. It fell in heavy sheets around you, but neither of you moved. You stayed wrapped around him, trembling, your back against the soaked alley wall, his body still buried in yours, shaking with the aftershocks.
He didn’t speak.
Didn’t even lift his head.
His arms stayed locked around your waist like a vise, like if he let go even a little, you’d disappear. You felt him swallow, once, twice—and then his shoulders began to shake in a different way.
“Bob?” you whispered, hand sliding up to the back of his head, fingers weaving through his soaked hair. “Hey. Hey, I’m here.”
He sobbed.
Quiet at first. Just a ragged breath that stuttered out of him like it had been waiting for too long. Then another. And another. His whole body trembled, forehead pressed to your shoulder as he finally—finally—let himself fall apart.
“I didn’t want to hurt anyone,” he choked out. “I tried—I tried so fucking hard—I just wanted to be useful, I wanted to help—and I killed him—”
You shushed him softly, rocking him gently where you stood, your hands stroking down his back.
“You came back to me,” you said, voice low. “That’s all that matters. You came back.”
“I don’t deserve this,” he rasped, holding you tighter. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Shut up,” you whispered, tears mixing with the rain on your cheeks. “You do. You do. You’re still here. You’re still you. That’s all I care about.”
You stayed like that for what felt like forever—him wrapped around you like a lifeline, your bodies still locked together, breathing in sync. The heat between you slowly cooled, but the weight of it all stayed heavy, real.
Eventually, his head lifted, eyes red-rimmed, cheeks wet.
He looked at you like he didn’t believe you were real. Like maybe you were the only thing left in the world that hadn’t abandoned him.
“I’m scared,” he whispered.
You cupped his face, thumb brushing over the scar just below his eye.
“I know,” you said. “But I’ve got you.”
And he leaned into your hand like a man starved for touch.
Back at the tower, everything was chaos—shouting, agents scrambling to do damage control, the team fighting with each other, trying to put the blame on someone—but none of it touched you. Not when you had him. Not when he never once let go of your hand.
You didn't go to the infirmary. Didn't sit through the debrief. Bucky tried to say something, but you just shook your head. Bob didn't even look at him. At no one.
You led him straight to your room.
The second the door clicked shut behind you, his body sagged like the air had left him entirely. You helped him out of the rest of his suit, piece by piece, your fingers gentle even when your heart still ached from the weight of it all. He did the same for you, so soft, so gentle, like he was afraid to hurt you.
You pulled him into your bed without a word.
He followed like he always did. Like he couldn’t not.
He wrapped around you the way he always did—legs tangled, arms tight around your waist, face buried against your neck. But this time it wasn’t just comfort.
It was clinging.
He didn’t speak. Didn’t ask. Just held on.
You stroked his hair, tracing slow patterns into his scalp, letting your breath match his until he calmed, until that tremble in his shoulders finally stilled.
But he still didn’t sleep.
You felt him shift closer, nose brushing your collarbone. His voice, when it came, was wrecked and so, so quiet.
“Do you think they’ll ever look at me the same?” he asked, voice barely more than a breath.
You didn’t answer right away. You could feel how tightly he was holding his breath, like he was bracing for the worst. You pulled him closer, your fingers threading through the back of his hair, your lips brushing against his forehead.
“It’s not your fault,” you whispered. “They know it. Even if they won’t say it out loud. This—what happened—you didn’t want this. And they know that.”
He didn’t reply, not at first. But you felt it—the way his chest stuttered, how he finally let himself breathe.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, broken.
“I know.”
“I was so close,” he said, voice cracking like glass. “I could feel it. Like I was right there. One more second and I wouldn’t have come back.”
“But you did,” you murmured, pressing your forehead to his. “You came back to me.”
He shuddered, breath hitching again as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. Leaving a soft kiss that made your heart clench. “You’re the only one that brings me back,” he whispered. “The only one.”
You didn’t say anything else.
You just held him tighter.
And finally—finally—he started to drift.
It wasn’t peaceful. He twitched. Mumbled things you couldn’t make out. Flinched like his dreams were still trying to drag him under.
But he didn’t wake.
Because you were still there.
And he knew it.
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