#and also i cannot stick to a fucking plan without flexibility

[rigelmejo]

Another April Update Babey!

Upside: like March, I’ve been pretty motivated this month.

Downside: I wanna do Everything. I do NOT have time for everything.

A list of stuff I’m currently doing:

Going through Basic Chinese Radicals (Zhang Peng Peng textbook series) - its only 150 pages, but incredibly dense I did like 30 pages yesterday. Its excellent for writing practice as its a WORKBOOK, and all the radicals and example hanzi in it I should fucking know how to write T-T I don’t know how long this will take but I put it off long enough and its my SHORTEST chinese ‘writing focused’ book so I should use it. Its for the BASICS i should be past this already! But i’m not lol so I’m doing it.

Transcribing the pages in Japanese in 30 Hours with actual japanese under the romaji - good for picking up actual spellings of new words (and picking up the new words), grammar refresher, and I’m finally reading this book through (since the focus on transcribing is helping me be less perfectionist about memorizing everything before moving on). I’m about 1/4 through the book - it took a day. So I may well be done by next week. (Can you tell I’ve been in a really ‘writing practice’ mood lately? I think I just want to engage my touch senses more lately... might also be why active video games are easier for me to focus on, lots of actively affecting/moving things and doing something with my hands). 

Going through  Read and Write Chinese : A Simplified Guide to the Chinese Characters by Rita Mei-Wah Choy and writing the hanzi and mnemonics to remember them - this is actually going to be a very long process as the book has 3300ish characters. Also this book is literally JUST a reference - hanzi, pinyin, stroke order. Why am I doing this? Who knows man. I am writing out the hanzi like 20 times and making up my own mnemonic to remember the pronunciation (and meaning if I don’t already know it). Basically I just want to solidify my knowledge of the hanzi I DO vaguely recognize/partly know. And hanzi knowledge is basically my biggest issue in reading right now - running into new words with hanzi I don’t know, or running into hanzi I do know and forgetting how to properly pronounce them. 

Reading Guardian - I wanna finish this book so bad, like 90% of the rest of everything I’m doing in chinese right now is primarily an attempt for me to INCREASE reading speed somehow so I can read this easier. Also it is THE goal. The first goal I had in chinese, the BIG goal, the goal that eventually led me to my other goals. I want to do it. I’m currently well within the capability of doing it! So procrastinating has no excuse! Its just god it takes me 20-30 minutes to read a 5 page chapter and I am in agony over how long its taking. 

Reading hanshe - its going fine. Ultimately while i LOVE reading it, I don’t know if I should drop it because it is eating up time I could dedicate to other things - primarily Guardian at present. But at the same time I really want to finish it, and enjoy it. I would like to move onto extensive reading after this story for a while though (so no reading in Pleco for a while - I have print books I want to get through).

Nukemarine’s memrise courses - this is actualy going great. Not much to say except to myself: STOP procrastinating by trying to be a ‘prepared perfectionist’. If you can simply brute force the courses? Then do it. While reading Tae Kim’s Grammar Guide with it is ideal, as is reading the Memrise Website version (versus the app) which has all the course details, simply doing it is better than STOPPING to ‘prepare’ if you never actually are satisfied with enough preparation! JUST KEEP DOING IT MEJO I AM BEGGING. (Like... I literally was brute forcing the Tae Kim Grammar Guide portions and it went fine. Was it ideal? no. But I was actually studying versus just stopping out of fear of imperfection).

A list of stuff I WANNA do (not even like in a month, as in I wanna do it today/this month) ToT. Why am I listing it? Because knowing me, even if I have no time, I might do one of these things:

Read through Japanese in 30 Hours - this has potential to happen, as I’m transcribing the book into japanese instead of romaji and like 1/5 through already so like... good chance I’ll just happen to read it as I transcribe. I’ve felt compelled to do this so I might actually. Also! This book, ultimately, is for beginners, so if I keep making progress in the study materials I want to, idk how long this book will be relevant. What I’m trying to use to prevent procrastination: the book’s falling apart so I don’t need to feel bad for transcribing in it, its beginner material and a little out of date so I really should not feel bad if I just read through it without memorizing/re-reading until I’ve perfected a section!

FINISH HANSHE - I really want one book DONE, read and FINISHED. It being digital means a good chance I could do it. I just would... really like 1 book done, to say that I’ve read a full story, AND so as I’m going through Guardian I don’t have another BIG story I’m reading at the same time. I have a lot of books I plan to read/extensively read and they both go slower when I’m juggling multiple. 

Read Alan Hoenig’s Chinese Characters - I SHOULD have already done this. In fact I want to do this ASAP, and it would be great in combo with Rita’s book - because Alan Hoenig’s book has premade mnemonics to help me with memory and SIMPLIFED characters (Rita’s has traditional), but Rita’s book has stroke order and MORE hanzi. However both books are very dense reference materials. I want to read Alan Hoenig’s book. Do I have time? Well no because reference books take me like an hour to get through 5-10 pages lol. But will I read it anyway? Maybe...

Read the Little Prince, or Butterfly Lovers, or Journey to the Center of the Earth, or one of my Sinosplice graded readers - basically I sort of want to read something that is ACTUALLY a 98%-ish comprehension material for me. I’ve been doing some extensive reading, but by artificially lowering the difficulty by reading the english translation first. And I think if I read something ACTUALLY graded lower to level, I could work on improving my reading speed. Also it could be nice to FINISH those stories since I never did. However - that would be adding Yet Another story to the list of things I’m reading ;-;. I do sort of want to do this anyway though. You have no idea how much the biggest thing I wanna do right now is solidify pronunciation/recognition of hanzi I Already Vaguely Know, and improve reading speed. Both of those would make reading So much fucking easier. 

Read Le Francais Par Le Method Nature, recording audio for each chapter myself - while yes the second part could be optional, future me and any (truly lost) learner would probably appreciate an audiobook form of it. even if its pronounced bad, that’s more than currently exists (which is nothing at all audio wise). The textbook has a pronunciation guide under every word, but it would be nice to hear/say it out loud. Also I’ve been meaing to Finish the book for ages - it is over 1000 pages its a BEAST. But theoretically it puts you solidly into B1 or B2 by learning purely through graded comprehensible input that increases with your comprehension level. I am so in the mood to do it right now. I don’t have time. I do not have a solid reason to need my french better right now. But dang do I miss that book ToT

Things I kind of think I should want to do but also have had 0 motivation for:

**Finish reading Tae Kim’s Grammar Guide - I may not do this. Like I “want to do this” in the sense I feel a need. Its important, useful, will help. But actual “Random urge to do”? I do not have. Every time I read it I find myself doing my awful habit of wanting to reread from the very first section again, over and over. Wanting to reread each chapter multiple times and memorize, wanting to not move on to new more challenging material. I very easily stall ever studying new material when I get like this ;-;

**Listening-Reading Guardian - I literally tried a week ago. I got mad the english translation oversimplified so many sentences to the point lots did not match up to the audio, and gave up within a couple pages. Also this activity is time consuming. I’m probably going to put it off for later because honestly? As long as ONLY reading Guardian is an option - as in I can do it and skip the audio - I will tend to JUST read. Until the audio is the only new aspect, I’m likely to keep trying to read rather than listen-read. 

Thankfully, there’s some core stuff I’m managing to stick to doing:

Reading Chinese regularly

Going through the Nukemarine memrise LLJ courses

Who knows if I will stick to any of the rest. But at least I’m making solid Forward progress in each language in specific areas lol.

[alltheworldsinmyhead]

ON FEYSAND’S PLOTLINE IN ACOSF

              !!!!MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE ACOSF!!!!

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Let’s be honest for a while, okay?

ACOCF had potential to be SJM’s best book, if not for any other reason then because of the sheer idea of it. Coming-of-age, healing story of the most complex and polarizing character she has ever created set in the time of peace, away from the familiar setting (according to the later changed concept which still remains in the snippet at the end of ACOFAS), development of her arguably most feisty and angsty love story... It could be her absolute trumph. Even with the change to stick to Velaris instead of exploring the Illyrian culture of the Mountains and with the added conflict of the Mortal Queens and Koshei, it still could work quite well. 

It didn’t. For many, many reasons, but the most important one, in my opinion, being the feysand pregnancy plot. 

Nothing about this plotline made sense. Not a single thing. From start to finish, it was an absolute disaster from the character-writing POV, from the narration POV, from every single context of it. It broke the rules of real-life logic, it broke the rules of this fantasy world setting and it completely exposed that Rhysand, while not a bad guy, is a pretty terrible partner, even worse ruler and an absolutely terrible contender for the High King title. 

Let’s break this whole mess down (and expect this post to be mammoth-sized. it’s not my fault, though, write to SJM if you have any complains):

1) Feyre, 21, decides to get pregnant, even though less than a year earlier, she expresses the delight with not being forced to bear children to her new mate and told him herself she wants to wait a while and enjoy her life with him. Feyre decides she wants a baby though and Rhysand goes along with it, even though he is aware how young Feyre is and how hard her life has been up until this point. He wants a baby too much to have an honest discussion with Feyre about it, to stop and wonder what is the reason for her sudden change of heart, to reassure her that they have a lot of time ahead of them and don’t need to rush. No. She mades a sudden decision to have a baby after A YEAR OF MARRIAGE and not much more of being turned fae, JUST AFTER having her whole world put upside down, having received a completely new title and responsibilities, surviving the wat and being mated. Great. 

2) Feyre decides to get pregnant and Rhys goes along with it less than a year after the end of the bloody war. It is politically a delicate time, everyone is still not sure how the balance will shift, some countries don;t want to sign the peace treaty, etc. There are a lot of enemies and a lot of turmoil remaining. But sure. Let’s have a baby. Perfect time to add yet another target, another weakness that can be use by the Mortal Queens, Beron or whatever else with malicious intent towards the Night Court. 

2) Feyre gets pregnant after approximately a year of trying. I know healthy people of reproductive age for whom it takes ages more than this. Fae’s pregnancies are rare af and precious and happen once in a blue moon, but ofc SJM broke the world’s rules for her darling Feyre. And again, for Kallas and Vivianne who are also expecting the baby, even though it has been a maximum of 3 years since they’ve mated. 3 years is also not a particularly long time to try to have a baby for those who have issues with their reproductive systems like Fae women. Thank you, next. 

3) Rhys has unprotected sex with Feyre in her Illyrian form when she conceives, even though he knows full well having a winged baby would kill her. He does it anyway, for shits and giggles apparently. They probably have sex in the sky above Velaris, for all we know. 

4) The baby has wings. Now, the whole explanation with Illyrian wings being bony (bc they resemble bat wings) and Seraphin ones being more flexible (bc they resemble bird ones) is so insanely stupid that it takes around 3 seconds to wikipedia this shit and find out it’s exactly the opposite. But okay, the baby has wings and Feyre will die while giving birth, along with the baby. Madja forbids Feyre from turning into an Illyrian to carry the pregnancy because it MIGHT hurt the baby. Now, remember, Feyre conceived while in Illyrian form and then turned into High Fae. The baby survived it just fine. The baby MIGHT be hurt by Feyre turning .... but it will FOR SURE die if she stays High Fae and Feyre will too. Idk about you, but I would take the risk of MIGHT instead of FOR SURE. Especially when she is already in labour and dying. Cauldron or Nesta or idk who alters Feyre’s pelvis after the baby is cut out of her for no apparent reason but to allow feysand to make exactly the same mistakes later on. How convinient. And Nesta also alters her own pelvis bc god forbid she won’t be able give Cassian babies like the little useful mate she is now. She should’ve probably done it with Elain too, just in case she decides to fuck Az in the future, because fuck consequences and fuck the stakes in the story that make the readers actually CARE about characters bc they know the author may actually kill them and not save their life every fucking time.  

5) I don’t even want to comment on the fact Rhys hid the true danger of this pregnancy for Feyre and their family went along with it. It is absolutely disgusting. And Nesta telling her and that being condemned as the act of the ultimate cruelty which is a final straw to break her self-loathing back.... is abhorrent. It made my sick, actually, phisically sick. There is no justification for it. No at all. And the fact that they did not even consider abortion sends a message that I really don’t want to think too much about it. Feyre was 2 months along when they learned the baby is winged. 2 months. 8 weeks. It wasn’t a baby yet, let’s be honest. They could’ve at least discussed it. She - oh my god, I cannot believe SJM wrote it this way, I’m gonna be sick. 

6) For the entirety of Feyre’s pregnancy, they have no plan to really help her. Labour plan? Haven’t heard if it.  They have money and power and access to the healers of the whole land. And did not figure out how to stop her from bleeding out after a fucking C-section. THIS WORLD HAS MAGIC AND THEY COULDN’T STOP HER FROM BLEEDING OUT AFTER A FUCKING C-SECTION. Didn’t even ask Thesan, the High Lord of Healing, to be present. Cassian had guts hanging out of his stomach and survived. Az was fucking slashed apart in Hybern and survived. But yeah, Feyre was on a brink of death after a C-section. Great, Sarah. Keep it up. Let’s force the thought into young girls’ heads that labour is the most lethal thing ever, why not. 

7) Also, for the entirety of Feyre’s pregnancy, Rhys keeps quiet about this idiotic bargain. He, as far as we know, doesn’t make any plans for the moment when him and Feyre and possibly their baby are dead. If they died and baby survived.. who would take care of it? Does Rhys have a conversation with his family about it? NAH. Doesn’t write any sort of plan how to keep the Court going, doesn’t inform even the closest of his co-workers how they should proceed to act after he’s gone and his and Feyre’s power go to god-knows-who. Their deaths would mean a sure chaos for the weakend and fragile Prythian and the Night Court especially and yet nor Rhys nor Feyre make any sort of preparations for it. Rhys doesn’t tell his brothers or Mor or HIS SECOND IN COMMAND they will all soon have to somehow manage without him. He was about to just leave them to their own devices and told them in the last. possible. moment. 

And this man - this man is, according to Amren, the best candidate to handle the whole country? To unite it? This fool who makes idiotic bargains, who thinks first about his cock and his own selfish desires and considers his subjects and his responsibilities as a High Lord last and least important of all? Who has so much trust in his wife, in his High Lady, the mother of his son that he doesn’t tell her she will almost surely die on a birthing bed because it MAY UPSET HER? 

This plotline was the straw that broke my back. ACOTAR, at it’s heart has always been a ya fantasy with added ‘spice’ and I was willing to bend my critical-thinking skills in many cases and forget and forgive many smaller idiotic issues in this series. But this? It is not idiotic. It is massive and stupid to the point when it becomes insulting to the reader. It was a plot straight out of a bad fanfic, not something that should be in a published book written by someone who writes for a living. You could even argue that Twilight has handled this toxic trope better.  I have wasted my money on this book and thinking about it will always be painful for me. So yeah.

ACOSF could be great. Ended up quite pathetic. 

[mindibindi]

Beyond disappointed in Ted Lasso. What were they thinking?!

The writing is a complete betrayal and insult to Rebecca’s character and Hannah’s skills as they’re being seriously underused. It’s also insulting Sam’s character.

Hoping someone pulls Rebecca’s head out of her ass tbh. Sam shouldn’t be getting caught in the crossfire of her looking for romance. I know he showed up at her doorstep but she still should’ve turned him away, and not even messaged him in the first place.

Hey, I'm with you, Anon, though we do seem to be in the minority. Sam is definitely not blameless here, he is also in the wrong. But if one of them is more in the wrong, it is Rebecca. I can't speak to whether her head has left her arse as yet because I have quit watching (at least for now). I hear she called it off with Sam in the most recent ep, though not because of any major crisis of conscience or because anyone in her inner circle expressed any reasonable reservations in response to her bad behaviour. And to be honest, I'm not sure we should need to hope and pray that Rebecca's precocious god-daughter, her slimy ex-husband, or the brutal British press will act as a moral compass on this ill-advised relationship. Both Rupert and the press have been set up to some extent as the villains of the piece. And a 14 year old should never have to school her elders on what is and isn't acceptable. Nora's needs have already been neglected by Rebecca for far too long.

If a moral position is to be taken on this, it needs to be taken by the show (because stance matters) and/or by its characters. But the show has for the most part depicted this relationship as ill-advised but ultimately hot, sweet, funny and romantic. As for the characters themselves, Sam has shown at least once that he has some moral backbone but seems to be adorably clueless when it comes to fucking his boss who keeps trying to set boundaries with him. Meanwhile, Rebecca's whole arc in s1 was about learning not to misuse her power for her own selfish ends. In season one, she misused her power within the club in order to exact revenge. In season 2, we have seen her misuse her sexual power, though I still cannot see to what end. I'm a bit at a loss as to what exactly she gets out of this 'relationship' but then I'm a grown woman so I have absolutely no interest in sleeping with a Harry Potter enthusiast barely out of his teens. I couldn't think of anything less sexy and more ick. I was certainly hoping for better character development for her this season.

As to what the writers were thinking, obviously I was not in the writer's room, but I would guess that they were thinking that any drama is good drama, people are stupid and fan devotion will trump any meaningful critique. In other words, they were thinking exactly how every other television writer thinks, despite the fact that this show posited itself as 'not like other TV shows'. This, to me, is where the blame really lies. Not with the characters or with the actors who are doing their best to sell this ludicrous turn of events. It must be noted, however, that both actors were completely blindsided by this relationship that had supposedly been so cleverly foreshadowed. Newsflash: if the people actually living these stories did not see this coming then you haven't foreshadowed shit. Sure, there were a handful of people that paired Rebecca with Sam but this does not constitute proof either. Fans have free-range to imagine and re-imagine characters. In some cases this may extend to imagining relationships between characters who have barely, if ever, interacted. There may be little to no evidence that these characters have even clocked each other's existence and some fans will still ship it. The existence of a handful of shippers does not legitimise such a problematic and divisive plotline making it onscreen.

But wait!, you might argue, this may not be a case of a popular show seeing just how far they can stretch fan devotion. This may not be a case of fan service to a handful of shippers. After all, the creators mapped out the entire three-season arc of Ted Lasso before they even pitched it to Apple. This was their brilliant plan all along! To which I would say: then maybe they should've rethought their second act based on people's strong reactions to their first. Ted Lasso was touted as the show we all needed in 2020. The writers and creators have all marveled at the chord it struck considering it was conceived prior to the pandemic and all the chaos it wrought. And while there is something to be said for having/sticking to a creative vision, there is also something to be said for being flexible and responsive to your audience and the cultural zeitgeist with which you're engaged. Season 1 of Ted Lasso told its story so gently, without creating distrust, division or unnecessary anxiety. It did not treat its audience like a gaggle of stupid lemmings to be led over a succession of narrative cliffs. THIS is what I mean when I say the show has broken with its brand. And look, this whole dark forest thing would be okay if the narrative arc was as well-crafted as s1. Season 1 gave us meaning, cohesion, comfort, sense in a senseless time. It was an almost perfectly crafted season of television. And I kept the faith for 6 episodes, despite the first half of s2 being pretty damn wobbly. But the follow-up to this stellar debut has been less than extraordinary so yeah, perhaps they should've thought a little harder about what made s1 so special before throwing it all out the window.

But wait!, I hear the faithful say, you don't know how things will pan out yet! Wait until the season is over and everything will make sense! But -- wearily and once again, I say -- we should not need to wait until the end of the season to understand what the hell is happening. By this point (over halfway through the season and show) we should have a v clear idea of the show's themes and the characters' arcs. And tbf, from what I can tell there are some fab things happening in other aspects of the show that I wish I could watch and enjoy. But my biggest fear at this point is that they are going to use Sam to solve Rebecca's childlessness. That, like Rupert (because the parallel cannot be avoided), she will become pregnant with a young fling and the show's attitude to this relationship will ultimately be: oh well, it was a bad idea and didn't work out for them but it was all for the best in the end cos who can be mad about a cute lil baaaayyybbbeeee??!! If they do go down this path then I will definitely be abstaining from the rest of the show. I will simply recall my repeated viewings of s1 with fondness tinged with regret at just how badly they fucked up a good thing.

Ultimately, Anon, I think this may be a case of there simply not being a diverse enough perspective in the writer's room. I am not saying that every single woman or every single person of colour will necessarily object to this relationship. I am simply saying that women and people of colour will be more sensitive to the issues of gender and race that are relevant here but that have not been fully or sensitively acknowledged in the writing of this plotline. Neither am I saying that Rebecca is the first woman to sleep with a man much (much, much, MUCH) younger than herself or indulge in an ill-advised relationship. But the comparison with Rupert both works here and doesn't because Rebecca is not being written like a white woman, she is being written like a white man. Realistically, only a white man can engage in this kind of hugely imbalanced relationship seemingly without any major moral qualms or societal ramifications. Not to put too fine a point on it, but this kind of relationship is reserved for all the Bills and Joes and Brendans and Jasons out there -- not for the Rebeccas and definitely not for the Sams. We are way beyond the point in feminism where we believe that liberation is simply the right for a white woman to behave as badly as a white man. The truth is that whatever wealth, power and privilege Rebecca has, the rules are different for men and women. She will not be treated the same as Rupert if and when this affair is uncovered. She will be treated far more savagely than Rupert ever was and Sam will be treated far more savagely than Bex was. This is not an argument for the equal treatment of these two relationships. It is an argument against how the relationship between Rebecca and Sam has been envisaged, i.e. through the wrong perspective. In writing from a 'neutral' white male pov, the show has invisiblised all the many issues activated by this storyline and revealed a blindspot that was always there.

As much as I loved and still love season 1 of this show, it has definite blindspots when it comes to representations of race and gender. There are at least two moments in s1 that stand out for me as being so obviously written by a man. Not necessarily because of what they do but because of what they don't do: what is missed, absent, unacknowledged. I was willing to overlook such minor failings in a debut season for many reasons. But s2 seems to have exacerbated these minor flaws rather than correcting them. And here I can't help thinking of Tina Fey speaking of the diversification of the writer's room at SNL during her tenure as co-headwriter. This notoriously male-dominated environment only began to shift and produce better work when a greater diversity of minds, voices and persepectives was allowed in the room. In this richer environment, she notes, different jokes played differently. Different sketches made it to air. Different perspectives were represented and different performers were celebrated. I can't help wondering if this plotline would have made it to air if there had been a female writer, a writer of colour or both further up the chain of command to challenge the ideas of the straight white dudes in charge.

One of the reasons I didn't think Ted Lasso was for me was that it centred a straight, white, cis-het, able-bodied man who rose to a position he didn't earn. That is just not a pov I would normally choose for myself, especially now that there is such a rich array of alternative perspectives through which to view the world. But I think the show won a lot of females fans with its first season largely due to its portrayal of Rebecca. She is the first person we meet. She is arguably the protagonist of s1. And while she would have been figured as a villain in previous pieces, the show never took that stance with her (because again, stance matters). Other elements like the depiction of female friendships, all centred around Rebecca, made this show female-friendly viewing. But imo, the major reason this show won over female fans (this one, at least) is because, in this post-MeToo, post-TimesUp era, it stood up and said: domestic violence is not okay, we stand with women and all victims of abuse, we will defend you, we know words can hurt, we know it can happen to anyone, we know all about toxic masculinity, we do not take this lightly and we will support you in your healing. Needless to say, this is how women hope men will act when they speak of their most difficult experiences but it is not how they always do.

The shift away from Rebecca this season has however meant that the white male experience is more centred than it was in s1. Rebecca's journey to recovery, health and happiness has been trivialised and sidelined, reduced to a highly questionable sexcapade. Meanwhile, we get overwrought manpain at every turn. We get Beard wandering around London (no, I haven't seen it and no, I don't need to. We've all been raised on white dudes thinking they're genuises when they have a figurative wank all over our screens). We get NO queer represention at all. And the only other female characters on screen are in care/service roles to men. The father/son, mentoring and toxic masculinity themes are all still there but they're no longer balanced out by ANY other competing perspective. One of the reasons I was okay with Ted failing upwards in s1 was that he used his power and privilege to lift up others. He was the one in service. He used his enormous privilege for good, as anyone with such privilege must. (Admittedly, it could be argued that this is just another version of a white savior narrative).

My point here is that I'm not sure that peeking behind the mask at the sad clown is as revolutionary as some might believe. We love it because it's familiar. But this is a narrative with a long and problematic history. Do I believe in tearing down toxic masculinity in all its forms? You bet. Do I believe that patriarchy traumatises men as well as women and every other minority in existence? I mean...nowhere near as much, but absolutely. Do I believe in men expressing their feelings and going to therapy? Wholeheartedly. But I am also aware that 100 or so years ago, we were in a very similar place with our narratives. Everyone is looking for a recapitulation of modernism and frankly, this might be an indicator of just that. Whenever women and people of colour have demanded rights and recognition, there has always been a resurgence of tales about just how frickin' hard it is to be a white man. Minority genders and non-white people have never in western history been as visible or vocal as they are now. So forgive me (or don't, I don't care) if I critique a show not only for centering fathers, sons, boys and men but for blindly and boldly writing one of its only female characters and one of its only black characters as if their gender and race just do not exist. There are many other power differentials at play in this relationship, including age, experience, wealth and position, but race and gender are the two that patriarchy is most invested in invisiblising. So I don't care how brilliant they think they are, I will not trust the writing of a bunch of white dudes trying to tell me that race and gender are irrelevant.

[labyrinthsofyou]

zippers, crisscrosses and curves

pairing: wong yukhei & female reader

genre: fluff & smut

warnings: blowjob, body gazing, cumplay, facesitting, fingering and an excessive use of the words ‘baby’ and ‘fuck.’

words: 13, 746

summary: loving yukhei is a workout. 

+

wong yukhei likes, loves everything you wear. 

he smiles at the colorful flowery dresses that get swept up with the breeze and show him too much leg when the weather is warm. he thinks the oversized sweaters on you are adorable and he can’t help but want to cuddle with you until he falls asleep. he enjoys the pretty lace teddies you surprise him with every now and then that leaves very little to his imagination.

but then there’s something else that is unexpected and makes yukhei stare a little too long and grin a little too much. 

you in your workout clothes does something to him. he doesn’t know how to explain it. maybe it’s the tops that come in so many colors or maybe it’s the pants that are skin tight. you look teasing and irresistible and all yukhei knows is that he really likes them.

─ : ─ 

the first time it happens, you’ve been dating for a few months.

an overseas trip yukhei returns from and despite how he wants to just spend time with you to make up for the days of missing you, he cannot. yukhei needs to stick to his schedules. a two hour workout he has now. a meeting will follow. those can last from an hour to three sometimes. and whenever that ends, he will take you out.

he has it all planned out. 

until then though, yukhei wants you near. 

“you want to just come with me for my workout? i know you have your routine for it on the weekends, but maybe just this once,” he whispers, the faint pleading in his tone. “i just missed you so much.” 

yukhei buries his face into the crook of your neck and breathes in that floral scent of your perfume. he’s clingy and cute and it makes you chuckle and feel the skips of your heart when he kisses your neck.

“sure.” instantly yukhei lifts his head to look at you with a wide grin on his face. “i’ll get to see you in action, so that’ll be a plus.” your lips curl upwards as you reach for his biceps. the light squeeze you give them has him laughing, the sound so infectious that it warms your heart. 

he wiggles his eyebrows up and down. “i’ll put on a show for you, baby.” 

yukhei doesn’t though.

and it’s not because he doesn’t want to or forgets to. it’s because he can’t focus on anything and finds himself staring at you for the most part.

in the canary yellow sports bra with intricate crisscrosses across your back, you stand bright against the machines and equipment. the yoga pants hug you like another layer of skin making your legs look longer and all your curves more prominent. your skin glistens underneath the fluorescent lights of the gym. 

he’s never seen so much of you before and yukhei thinks he sees all of you without actually seeing all of you.

the sudden uncomfortable feeling begins between his legs. 

still though, yukhei watches as you stretch and bend. he can’t help but turn to look at you in amazement between his sets at your focus. he bites his lips, head tilting slightly never realizing just really how flexible you are. he wonders if this is what everyone else sees on weekend afternoons. 

and when you get off the elliptical with the layer of sweat to your skin, you catch his gaze on you. immediately yukhei tries to hide his flushed face. you grab your towel, gently dabbing your face and push the falling pieces of your hair to the side before making your way to him. a soft chuckle escapes you as he tries to appear busy fixing the laces on his sneakers. you take a seat beside him on the bench and lean forward with your mouth beside his ear. 

“like something you see?” you quietly tease. 

it doesn’t take long before the tips of his ears tint red as he stops and looks at you with his large eyes. yukhei rubs the back of his neck and nervously chuckles. “sorry, i didn’t mean to stare or make you uncomfortable.” 

despite the apology he stutters out, yukhei still finds himself noticing just how you really seem to be glowing right now with the sheen of sweat and color yellow against your skin. he still finds himself glancing down at how the neckline of what you’re wearing dips a little low and your chest seems to look full and snug in that top. he feels a slight twitch in his sweatpants. 

and you don’t miss where his eyes travel to either because you softly clear your throat to draw his attention back up to your face. 

there’s a bashful grin on his face. “i’m sorry again. you just look really… good.” 

yukhei tries to choose a better word but he feels his brain short circuiting with his honesty. regardless the warmth fills your cheeks while you bite back your smile because nervous you got him and you are certain you don’t look good with the sweat on your skin and the messy hair. you lean forward, pressing a kiss to his supple lips.

once you shift back, yukhei watches your tongue swipe across your lips as they turn into an pleased smile.

“come on, handsome, you still owe me a show,” you murmur, your voice sweet yet teasing.

just like before you reach to give a squeeze to his biceps as the corners of his lips coil upwards. you stand then, saying nothing more and turning around to walk towards the weights. yukhei remains motionless for a moment as he admires everything that is walking away and feels another twitch in his sweatpants. 

─ : ─

the second time it happens, yukhei really has seen all of you now.

it’s saturday afternoon and he comes to see you after a three day video shoot and a week of not seeing you. 

he’s on the couch with an arm over his closed eyes and his stomach is full and happy from the fried rice you cooked for him. the rest of the day he has off. the rest of the day will be just you and him. but the faint peaceful snores yukhei emits tells you rest and sleep he needs before anything else. 

you quietly click off your bedroom light before making your way to the couch, kneeling beside him. you hate to wake him, but you also don’t want to leave him without telling him first. your hand rests over his heart while you tenderly place a kiss on his mouth. and slowly yukhei moves his arm and opens his eyes to see the small smile ghosting your face. 

“hi, sleeping beauty,” you whisper with a soft giggle. 

yukhei lets out a short low chuckle and stretches a little. “hi.” his voice is raspy from his mini nap. he takes notice of your hair and his hoodie you are wearing. “where are you going?” 

he wants to nap and cuddle with you. 

“the gym. you can stay here and sleep if you want,” you suggest, your other hand rises to softly brush back his hair. “maybe we can go out later when i come back.” you pucker your mouth against his warm cheek. “how does that sound?” 

his mind floods with the images of the first time at the gym with you. he registers the white material peeking from underneath the unzipped part of the hoodie. before you know it, your eyes turn downcast at his fingers that flick the tab of zipper. it takes you seconds until you take a hold of his hand, bringing it up to press a kiss in the middle of his palm. 

yukhei looks at you with a shy grin. “mind if i come along with you?”

maybe this time will be different. maybe he’ll be better at focusing. he has seen all of you now, has experienced himself just how your body bends for him. he is a little tired, but perhaps a gym session will wake him up. 

a soft laugh escapes from him as he takes hold the tab of the zipper between his fingers, the pull down gradual and careful. more white of what you’re wearing he sees as his eyes narrow to process the mesh material on the front. 

you stare at yukhei as he stares at what you’re wearing. and when he bites the corner of his mouth, you are certain he is very interested of what he has seen. but that thought you keep to yourself while you contain the laugh in you.

“only if you’re not too tired, baby.” 

no, he’s not that tired, not when realizes those yoga pants have been replaced with black shorts that really don’t look like shorts. he doesn’t regret it either when you take off his hoodie to reveal the entire sports bra. it’s a bright white and despite the higher neckline, the mesh material inset down the middle in the front is enough to  draw his eyes to it. and the large cut out in the back of your top yukhei catches in the mirror walls has him unconsciously moistening his lips. 

and his hopes of focusing better, thinking this time will be different is wrong because yukhei still can’t stop looking. 

he appreciates the sight of you lying on the mat, your feet together as your hips slowly rise up to work on your thighs and ass. he miscounts the number of pull ups he’s done and but can remember the number of squat sets you do. with each movement of your body and how you seem to be so concentrated on working your lower half today, yukhei finds himself groaning. 

like the first time though, you catch his stare. 

the corners of his eyes crinkle when he laughs softly and embarrassingly at getting caught again. his gaze stays on you though while you stand and take a sip of water before sauntering over to him. yukhei stares down at you with a beam on his face as his pull ups gradually slow. his feet touch the ground within a minute and you step closer to him. you wipe his face with the towel in your hand while his eyes sweep across your gleaming skin and your pretty mouth. 

when you finish, yukhei can’t stop himself from kissing you. it’s sweet and chaste and makes him want a little more. but you pull back with a soft hum and your lips stay against his as you whisper teasingly and low, “keep staring, it’s all for you anyway.” 

and what you say you mean because when the stars come out and you hold onto the headboard for stability, yukhei finds himself between your legs that feel so nice under his touch. 

he stares up at your pussy, one hand massaging your ass while the fingertips of his other gently rub your glistening folds. the quiet yelp escapes your lips and a faint shudder runs down your spine. 

“so pretty,” yukhei whispers almost dreamily. 

he says this every time. yet you can’t stop the rush of heat to your core. you shift a little to glance down in time to catch his tongue sliding out to lick his lips. “just for me.” 

the heat covers your cheeks as his hands glide up to grasp your hips, gesturing you to slowly lower yourself down to his face. you hear the deep breath he takes against your pussy that should make you self conscious. but all it gives you is a wave of anticipation. a few short and soft kisses he puckers to your inner thighs before the first touch of his tongue against your pussy draws an immediate whine from you. yukhei hums in satisfaction at the noise before he licks you again and again. 

you begin to rock against his face a bit impatiently, desperate for additional contact. 

“yukhei, i want more,” you mewl. “please.” 

in spite of his position, yukhei chuckles softly and the vibrations against your pussy send a shiver through your body. his large hands cup your ass and a firm squeeze he gives it before they slide back up and your wish he grants. 

your needy whimpers filter throughout the bedroom as he guides your hips for a moment to set the steady pace. the pressure of his wet muscle increasing with each stroke feels too good. you do your best to keep up with him, your knees falling to either side of his head. 

“mmm, fuck, your tongue feels good,” you huff out. 

his hands move to grip your thighs gently, pushing them closer to his face. yukhei eats you up like a feast as you grind against his mouth. the movements of his tongue alternating with the hard sucks to you clit send the moans out your parted lips.

you want the high. 

but your muscles begin to cramp and your fingers around the headboard loosen a touch. yet the coil in the pit of your stomach you are starting to feel and the faint quivers of your thighs against his face sends a signal to yukhei. just a little longer and a little more you need, he wants your high as much as you do. 

his hands reach for your hips, gripping firmly as your hands readjust your hold on the headboard. within seconds then you roll your hips faster, ignoring the tiredness as yukhei works you without abandonment. the strangled sounds slipping from you grow sweeter and more desperate to his ears. 

it takes another minute until you fall apart on yukhei with a loud cry, his hands pressing down your shaking thighs. he laps it all up with a smile you feel while he rubs and massages your flesh. your hold gradually relaxes as you catch your breath and your hips slow. and once your euphoria slowly fades, you fall beside him with a sweet sigh. 

your legs are a lot tired and there’s a faint ache in your knees. but then yukhei’s hovering over you with his chin wet and lips glossy. 

“you’re perfect.” 

you shake your head as your tongue darts out and sweeps across his lips. “no, i’m not,” you giggle. 

yukhei spends the night proving you wrong. 

─ : ─

the third time it happens it’s yukhei’s birthday. 

a day he had hoped to be a little relaxing because he hasn’t had a day off since the start of the new year. but on his schedule there’s a meeting, a recording, practice and somewhere in between he has to squeeze in a workout because there’s a photoshoot lined up for him in two days for a front cover. 

yukhei apologizes for canceling the birthday reservation you make because he’s certain he cannot make it. there’s a twinge of sadness and regret in his voice but you reassure him that it’s okay. his work is important and you can always reschedule the dinner for another night. 

so he spends the day as is, working as hard as he can while you send him memes and words of encouragement that makes him laugh and his heart full. it’s late when practice ends and he says bye to his members before he heads to the gym. yukhei texts you, telling you he misses you and that he will see you afterwards. it hardly takes a minute before he receives a response. 

you miss him too. you’re excited to see him too. the hearts attached at the end of your message makes him smile to himself. 

then with his headphones in his ears, it’s just him and his music. yukhei ignores the handful of strangers that one by one leave for the night. his focus of getting his workout in to seeing you are the only things on his mind.

the beads of sweat roll down his face while his breaths labor as he lifts the weights. surely he can salvage what he has left of his birthday. he puts his arms down, gently dropping the heavy equipment in his hands to the ground. even if only for an hour, he will be happy to see you and that would be a good birthday for him. he feels the uncomfortable wetness of his shirt sticking to his back and slowly sits up only be greeted by you two benches over.

there’s a sparkle in your gaze and your lips twist into a sweet beam that makes yukhei giggle softly in disbelief.

“i thought you might be a little lonely,” you tell him, lifting up the towel and bottle in your grasp. 

he nods and gently pats the empty space next him. you stand and move beside him with a grin, dropping the items on your lap to cup his jawline despite the sweat on his skin. you lean forward and press a tender kiss to his smiling mouth. he hums quietly when you shift back. 

“so is this a birthday surprise? anyone else going to come out?” yukhei playfully raises his head, searching for someone else to walk in. 

you chuckle, tugging him on his shirt to get his attention back on you. you faintly shake your head while his hand cradles your cheek. “you still have a workout to finish.” you place another kiss on his mouth. “and it’s just going to be you and me.”

yukhei looks incredulously at you for the teasing inflection in your voice. you pull his hand off you, putting the towel and water in it instead and stand. his head slightly angles as his eyes take in your oversized hoodie and black leggings. he reaches out to graze the designed contour mesh lines against your legs. 

“keep doing what you’re doing,” you insist as you take a step away from him. “and just pretend i’m not here.”

it’s easier said than done though because you don’t sit and wait or watch him finish. instead your hoodie comes off with a tempting smile and yukhei tries his best to focus when he’s not admiring you in the vivid red sports bra.

but then you’re running on the treadmill and yukhei is left entranced at the way your breasts are bouncing. he swipes the corner of his mouth with the pad of his thumb while he raises his eyebrows, positive you are doing this to him on purpose. 

your feet move faster and so do your breasts. his mouth turns dry as he inhales deeply and feels the twitching in his sweatpants. he questions how those two thin straps over each of your shoulders are strong enough to hold up the material and contain your breasts. he wonders the possibility of them unexpectedly slipping out from that very low neckline. 

just like before, you end up finding his eyes on you again and signal him to get back to his workout with a smile. 

yet yukhei continues to stare and internally groan because you’re just so distracting even though what he wonders doesn’t happen. your breasts stay covered and contained and bouncing and yukhei has to wait a full hour later before he really gets to see them.

there’s a trail of clothes on the floor and your sheets are covered in the sweat of your workout. you don’t care though because all you want and need is for yukhei to come before midnight. 

you push him back to lean against the headboard while his mouth moves frantically against yours. his hard cock grazes your stomach when you press closer to him. his hand cradles your face as the other descends between your legs. he slides a finger into your very wet core and you release his lips with a whimper. you shift back, shuffling over the bedside table to pull open the drawer for a condom. yukhei reaches for it in your hand, but you shake your head softly, a smile etching on your face. 

on your knees you are on to move back to him. you take his cock in your hand and yukhei groans at the contact. all you can do is chuckle as you give him a few strokes. he feels so nice and heavy in your grasp. there’s precum at the slit, and there’s nothing more you want than to put him in your mouth. but the quick glance at the clock reminds you that time is ticking away. 

yukhei clenches his jaw and watches as you carefully roll the condom over his cock. you put a hand to his chest and tilt your head to kiss him fervently and lovingly. after a sharp nip on his top lip, you pull back and straddle him with your legs on either side of his thighs. he clears his throat and runs a hand over his face with an amused grin.

“sit back and enjoy, birthday boy,” you whisper as his large hands settle on your waist. 

the corners of your mouth curl when you line him up to your entrance. yukhei stares at your delighted expression when you gradually start to sink down. 

he groans. “my god- you are so tight.” 

a breathless laugh escapes from your lips. your descend is slow and almost agonizing in the best way. when his cock nestles completely into your pussy, you sigh contently. “mmhmm, and you’re so big.” you will never get tired of how he fills and stretches you.

the smirk on his face you catch as you take a moment to adjust to him before starting with a handful of slow and shallow grinds down. yukhei instantly grunts at the new sensation you are giving him. 

you’re beaming, glowing and looking just so pretty as he pushes your hair away from your face. your arm wraps around his neck and your other hand threads into his hair. his eyes connect to yours while he gnaws at his bottom lip, failing to contain the noises in his throat once you find a steady pace of your hips. his hands grab your ass, kneading your flesh and making you moan in bliss as you roll your hips. 

“mmm, you feel amazing, baby,” you mewl with a smile. “so full.” 

yukhei leans forward, crashing his mouth to yours for messy kiss before they trail off to your jaw. you slow your hips for a moment, rotating your hips hard once and twice for yukhei to moan into your skin. satisfied with the reaction, you continue with deep grinds back and forth, his cock making you feel so complete. yukhei’s hands move to your hips as your speed gradually picks up.

“fuck, baby, you feel so nice,” he pants out as his eyes and touch slowly caress your body. 

it doesn’t take you a minutes before you realize what has his attention. your now uncovered breasts bounce tantalizingly with each movement of your hips. the way they move is hypnotizing and yukhei swallows the lump in his throat. your arm drops from around his neck as you reach down, cupping your breast. his gaze darts from your chest to your face when you let out a whimper.

“use your mouth on me,” you gasp out with an innocent smile. 

your hips slow but never stop as you shift forward with a slight arch to your back until yukhei is able to lick your nipple. you moan when he latches on and tenderly sucks, his hands spreading on your lower back for support. you lift your other breast, rolling the nipple between your fingers before yukhei moves to it. you whisper quiet words of pleasure as yukhei enjoys the salty taste of your flesh in his mouth. 

with one hand still in his hair, you tug on it gently. he raises his head as both his hands come to the front and cup each breast. so nice and soft they are in his hold. yukhei gives both a gentle squeeze and a final suck and nip to your nipples before he cups your face. he catches your mouth, his teeth graze your bottom lip and his tongue slides in. but as quickly as he appreciates the warmth of your mouth, you pull back. 

“it’s going to be midnight soon.” you temporarily change you rhythm, bouncing a handful of times down that earns you a deep appreciative grunt from yukhei. “baby, you need to come on your birthday.” 

yukhei lets out a brief low chuckle as if your words are a universal rule while he finds your hips again. 

but quickly the chuckle is replaced by a long moan as you begin grinding down roughly, your hips moving in circular motions. each minute passes has you working twice as hard as before. the bedroom fills with the lewd sounds of skin against skin and needy moans and whimpers. you clutch onto his board shoulders, your short nails making crescent moons into his flesh. you ignore the tightness in your stomach, all your focus on him. 

yukhei’s grip on your hips tightens. “fuck- god, i’m fucking close.” 

his words excite you more than anything. with a few sharps swirls of your hips, him pulling you closer with each motion of your hips, yukhei comes with a deep groan from his throat as his head falls back. 

“happy birthday, baby,” you coo, your hips slowly continuing to roll and draw everything out of him.   

it takes a moment before he turns back to you and his gaze settles on your sweet and angelic beaming face. yukhei really thinks you’re something else. you close the gap between your mouths, the kiss a bit frenzied and wet. he releases your lips and presses his forehead to yours. 

“you didn’t come,” he states softly. you hum quietly with a faint shake of your head. with his hands remaining on your hips, yukhei starts guiding you back and forth quicker. “you gotta come for me too, baby.” 

you nod briefly, your body a little worn out. regardless though the pace of your grinds gradually moves faster with his help. the time between the whines escaping from you shortens as the tightness in your stomach from before grows. yukhei lets go of one side of your hips, reaching down between your bodies. his long finger finds your clit to rub small circles on it. 

you whine. “fuck- almost.”

he rubs a little faster. “i’ve got you, baby. just let it go for me.”

a continued steady stream of whispered encouragements against your ears and the extra stimulations, your head is spinning as yukhei helps bring you over the edge. 

the high whimpers roll out your mouth and yukhei feels your pussy clench around his cock. he moans at the sensation, letting go of your hip to grasp your face lovingly with both hands. he holds it in place with his thumbs stroking your hot cheeks and making sure your eyes stay with his. air fights to fill your lungs and your hips gradually come to a halt.

yukhei’s grinning happily before he angles your head for a soft kiss. “what a way to end a birthday.” 

you chuckle lightly, brushing his hair back. you turn your head to look at the clock on the bedside table. nine minutes left until midnight. “it’s still your birthday.”

he hums and tugs you back closer. his hands tenderly massages your sore thighs as his mind lists all the things he can do with you in those nine minutes left on his birthday. but you push him away and gently slide off of him, immediately missing the feeling of him in your pussy. you put your feet on the wood floor and it takes a minute before you actually stand on wobbly legs.

yukhei laughs quietly behind you.  “come back. i still have,” he turns to the clock. “seven more minutes.” 

you turn to look at him, bending down to press a quick kiss on his pouting lips. “just give me a minute. i’ll be back, babe.” 

and yukhei watches with a quiet pleased groan as your naked form maneuvers through the clothes on the floor. he waits for a second, listening to the faint sounds of drawers and cabinets opening and shutting in the kitchen before he unrolls the condom. with a tight knot of it, he grabs a tissue and wraps it up and discards it along with the foil wrapper into the mini trashcan by the bed. he settles back into the bed and fluffs the pillow behind his back awaiting your return. 

a moment passes before yukhei sees you appearing at the door, a small cake in your hands. your steps are careful of the clothes on the floor and the flame flickering on the lone candle in the middle of the cake. his laughter and his excited claps fill the bedroom while you sing him his birthday song in between light giggles. you sit on the edge of the bed beside him just as the last word slips from your lips. 

“make your wish, baby.” 

the candle reflects in his big eyes that glisten because yukhei truly thinks his heart will burst with joy. he takes in the pieces of whole strawberries decorating the top, the swirly piping of the whipped cream and the tiny grin on your face as you wait for his response. 

yukhei shakes his head with a wide beam. “you’re sitting here naked holding my birthday cake. what else do i need to wish for?” 

you giggle. “yukhei!” a quick glance at the time turns your mouth into a pout. “you have two minutes left!” 

he complies and lifts himself away from the headboard. you watch as he contemplates for a minute before closing his eyes and blowing out the candle. you quietly cheer as the minute changes and a whole new day begins. 

yukhei leans forward, careful of the cake you’re still holding. “thank you,” he whispers and bestows a quick kiss to your soft lips. 

smiling along his mouth, you nod. “happy birthday.” you move, carefully setting the cake on the bedside table. “i’m going to get some forks and plates.” 

but yukhei catches your hand before your first step away. there’s a glint of mischief in his gaze as he clears his throat. “we don’t need them.” he tugs you back to straddle him, your arms wrapping around his neck. 

he stares at you for a moment with a devilish twist of his mouth before his eyes drop to your breasts. you chuckle softly, picking up on what he wants. 

“your birthday is over,” you tease with a sigh.

yukhei shakes his head. “but you know, somewhere in the world it’s still my birthday,” he reasons, his hands coming up to cup your breasts. he rolls your nipples between his fingers and you can’t stop the soft moan escaping. 

and yukhei knows he hooks you there, the smirk appearing on his handsome face. 

“if that’s the case then…” 

your words trail off as you lean over, swiping some of the cream off the side of the cake and dabbing it onto you hard nipples. you sit up and incline closer to him for your breasts to be leveled with his mouth. 

his touch grazes down your spine and stops on your ass. he grasps and squeezes your flesh with a boyish smile before his tongue flicks across the nipple. the cream coats his wet muscle. 

he swallows the sweetness while his gaze finds yours. “so sugary.” 

you quietly whine and faintly gesture for what else he has to clean off of you. he stares and appreciates the gentle jiggle of your breasts. 

yukhei thinks this might be his best birthday. 

─ : ─

the fourth time it happens, yukhei is caught off guard. 

a home you share together now. 

yukhei moves in with you. the closet, the bedroom, the bathroom and the refrigerator is filled with yours and his things. 

you punch in the keypad code of your front door, the beep instantly following for you to push it open. you’re greeted by the cool air from the air conditioning. shutting the door behind you, you toe off your sneakers and slip your feet into your fuzzy pink slippers. you don’t fail to notice the matching grey pair missing as you place your bag in the closet and shrug off his hoodie to hang up. 

“yukhei?” 

you walk further into the apartment only to hear the faint sounds of the shower running. you will see him when he finishes you mumble to yourself and turn towards the kitchen looking for a small snack. after a few minutes of opening the cabinets and the refrigerator, you take out the quart of yogurt and the containers of fruit. 

the sound of the shower stops and you wait a moment to call him. “yukhei, i’m home.” 

a brief pause passes before you receive his response. “give me a minute. i’ll be right out.” 

you nod to yourself, turning back to the task of fixing up your snack and pulling out the utensils you need. 

and once yukhei walks out of the bathroom ruffling his wet hair with the towel, he follows the sounds coming from the kitchen. but his presence you don’t sense when his footsteps halt at the kitchen entrance and he’s staring with tiny smile ghosting his face. 

the black short shorts from previously he recognizes and still appreciates. however the light pink fabric that stretches a large ‘x’ across your back and against your skin he does not. he throws the towel over his naked shoulder and quietly approaches you. his large hands settling on your exposed waist causes yukhei to chuckle lowly and you to slightly jump with a yelp and nearly dropping the mini colander with the blueberries and strawberries being run under the water. 

you turn to slightly swat his bare chest and yukhei just smiles, lowering his head to give you a greeting kiss.

“what are you doing?” he asks, glancing at the items you had taken out and placed on the counter. 

he looks over your shoulder, noticing more than the fruit being rinsed under the cold water. the shade of pink covering your chest is your favorite color and the low neckline is really something. yukhei bites his lower lip, holding back the groan at what he can see of your chest. it looks full and pretty and so soft and he wants to bury his face against it. 

“i just wanted a snack,” you reply, bringing him out of his thoughts. you turn off the faucet and pick up a small strawberry to feed him. he chews it with a smile and a nod of approval. “do you want a bowl?” 

he faintly shakes his head. “i’ll just have a bite of yours.” yukhei steps closer then, his fingertips running up and down your sides. “i didn’t know you were going to exercise today.” 

you hum softly. “yeah, i just wanted to make up for not going last weekend.” under the weather you have been and you had woken up feeling better today than in the previous few days. 

yukhei nods before his hands snake around your waist. it only takes seconds for you to lean back against his chest on instinct. he faintly bends to rest his chin on your shoulder and turns his head. he takes a deep breath of the current scent of your body mixing with the faint floral hints of your perfume still lingering on you. 

“you smell nice,” he mumbles distractedly.

your movements of spooning the yogurt into the bowl freeze and you look behind your shoulder at him. there’s a charming smile on his face as your cheeks heat because you are certain you do not smell nice. 

you narrow your eyes at him while the corners of your lip faintly twitch up. “what do you want?” you question suspiciously.

he laughs, his breath tickling your skin. “nothing.” 

despite what yukhei says you feel the grazes of his lips against the shell of your ear. you clear your throat and turn around. you feel the smile from him even if you don’t see it. you go back to your task, attempting to ignore him and how his damp skin feels against yours because he makes no indication of letting you go. 

“how was boxing today?”

because on top of his schedules and everything he is doing, boxing lessons he has begun taking with his friends.  “i didn’t expect you home so early. i thought you had a recording today too.” you put the lid back on the yogurt and plop some of the washed berries on top. 

“recording was this morning. but boxing went well and i am still undefeated.” his strong arms tighten around you then as he presses your body to his. “do you feel that?” 

but more than the hard muscles of his arms around you catches your attention because you feel his erection against you back. you can’t stop the breathless chuckle escaping your lips when you turn around in his hold. there’s faint smirk forming on his face that makes you bite the inside of your cheeks. you reach for his biceps, your hands only able to wrap around half his muscles when you grip it. there’s a glimmer in your gaze that yukhei sees as you go on your toes. 

your mouth brushes his with a mischievous smile. “you know these aren’t the only hard things i feel.” 

he pretends to be surprise while teasing your lower lip with soft bites. “really?”

you hum and tease him right back with a peck to his upper lip as the towel falls from his shoulder. one of your hands lets go of his arm and your fingertips travel over his chest and torso to the simple black boxer briefs with the leopard print band he wears.

“how did you get so hard?” you lightly outline his bulge with an amused chuckle.

you glance down, listening to his deep breaths. “like i said, you smell nice.” he’s letting out a deep short laugh as his hands glides up your sides, grazing your breasts to cradle your face to look at him. “and i say this with the most respect because i love you, but you are very… hot.” 

yukhei shakes his head at the lack of a better word to describe you right now. but it’s the truth as he gazes down briefly at your chest, his head angling a touch at the zipper down the front of your sports bra before his eyes travel to your stomach and legs. when he looks back up, yukhei meets the beam playing on your mouth while you’re giggling because you hear the sincerity from him. 

you brush your nose against his as you connect your lips to his. your tongue slowly slides into his mouth and you palm him, feeling the twitch from his cock. you moan when he pushes you slightly and the edge of the countertop presses into your back. your mouth feels so warm and soft and it makes yukhei gently grind into your hand. you shift away from his mouth and his hands settle on the small of your back. he sets his forehead to yours and stares at your grinning wet lips. 

“what are we going to do about this?” you voice is sweet and seductive as you start caressing his erection.

he moans softly while his head spins and his cock twitches again. “i think.” his smile is alluring and his eyes slowly turn dark. “that i have a better snack for you.” 

you nod softly with a low chuckle, your brain connecting the dots to what he means. “yeah?” you reach up once more and begin pressing short kisses and kitten licks to his plump lips while both your hands move to grip his naked waist. 

“switch with me,” you breathe out between kisses and within seconds, yukhei feels the edge of the countertop against his back as your mouth trail off his. 

you leave wet open kisses on his neck and down his chest. your tongue gently flicks and your teeth graze over his nipples and yukhei lifts his hands off you. his breaths are a little shorter than before as he stares down at you. you place kisses over his tattoo you had sat with him for five hours to get done. a tiny smile comes out on his face when you press your mouth all over his torso. your hands settle over his hips as your knees gradually lower to finally rest on the cold tiles, sending a faint shudder through your body. 

yukhei softly pats the top your head that makes you look up with a sugary smile. 

“wait a second,” he murmurs. 

he picks up the towel from his shower and folds it into quarters. he bends down and nudges your knees gently and you shift, allowing him to place it on the spot where your knees had been. you feel the flutter in your chest. 

even when you are about to blow him in the middle of the kitchen, yukhei is still sweet. 

yukhei stands back up as you kneel on the towel and face his growing erection. 

“better?” he asks as you look up at him.

the nod you give him makes him smile and the kiss you place soon after on his covered erection makes him grunt. your eyes stay connected to his as you grin devilishly. “you ready, baby?” 

yukhei hums and your gaze drops from his. you bite your lips in excitement as your fingers hook onto his underwear and with a few tugs; his cock is free from its confinements and gently slaps against his abdomen. you continue to pull down his underwear until it rests on the middle of his taut muscled thighs. 

your expression is giddy at the sight of the precum already leaking at the slit. you gently grip the base of the cock and your tongue darts out to catch the drip. the act draws a deep huff from yukhei and he stares down as your tongue licks a few slow stripes on the underside of the cock from the base to the edge right before the tip.

with both hands around his cock, you look up as you softly suck on the tip for a moment. yukhei gasps loudly, his hands pushing some of your hair back while your tongue swirls around the tip once and twice. 

“you taste so good,” you sigh with a happy smile. “and all for me.” 

one hand reaches under to tenderly cradle his balls as you pepper short kisses down his length before moving back. 

you lift his cock and press gentle kisses and kitten licks on his balls for a minute. yukhei moans, enjoying the soft touches and attention to them. you angle your head and glance up with a smile while gathering some saliva in your mouth to spit on his cock. you rotate your wrist, stroking down his entire length with the wetness. yukhei moans again at the wonderful pressure and stops himself from wanting to just thrust into your hands.

a thrilled noise rolls pass your grinning mouth at how his jaw clenches with each of your strokes on his delicious cock. “tell me what you want.”

your beam is sweet and innocent yet what you’re doing is anything but that. yukhei reaches to caress your warm cheeks, a small and fond smile gracing his face. 

“i want to fuck your mouth, baby.” 

his request sends a pleasant shiver down your spine and a rush to your core. you nod faintly yet eagerly in agreement and with eyes connected, you place your hands on his thighs as you gradually lower your mouth. yukhei’s breathing labors as he watches your pretty mouth descend on his cock before you pull back and go down again. your movements repeat again and again until you have half his cock in your mouth. the weight of it feels heavenly against your tongue. then gripping his thighs for some stability, you slowly begin to bob your head. 

yukhei throws his head back and nearly misses hitting the cabinet behind him. your pace picks up and you suck him hard like a popsicle on a sweltering summer afternoon. 

“you’re so good at this, you know that?” his voice is strained and he chokes back a moan. “yeah- so fucking amazing.”

the compliment thrills you and you push forward, taking more of his cock into your mouth. despite the amount of clothes you are wearing and the air conditioning running, your entire body feels heated. yukhei looks down again and moves his hands to the back of your head to hold. before you know it, he starts slowly thrusting into your mouth.

glancing up through your lashes, you find yukhei staring down at you with half lidded eyes and a loving grin.

“mmm, you like this, baby? me fucking your pretty mouth?” you moan and nod, taking in each steady jerk of his hips and thankful for the towel underneath your knees now. “so good to me,” he huffs out. 

you feel a bit of saliva begin to drip pass your lips and you let go of his thighs and lightly tap his hand on your head. yukhei lets go as you pull all the way back, a thin line of saliva trailing from your mouth to his cock. he reaches down and cups your cheeks. you nuzzle into his palm like a kitten and take a few deep breaths before looking up. 

there’s sparkle in your gaze and a teasing pout playing on your lips. “yukhei, i’m hungry.” one hand grasps his thighs once more while your other wraps around his cock, sliding up and down his length. “are you going to feed me soon?” 

your question makes yukhei groan instantly and you take a deep breath and smile before gradually taking him back into your mouth again. his breath hitches in his throat and he tenderly caresses your cheeks. like always the immense pleasure and wonderment fills him as his entire cock bit by bit disappears into your warm mouth. 

“you’re so pretty like this.” his words cause another rush in your body to your core.

once his tip hits the back of your throat and you feel the comfort of it in your mouth, you calmly take one of his hands and fingers are soon intertwine together. his free hand goes to your head and yours squeeze his thigh. your thumb softly rubs the back of his hand and you give a faint nod. yukhei takes the hint and starts moving his hips. 

you relax your throat, swallowing his cock with each of his thrusts. soon enough he picks up a stable rhythm. the motions of his hips are follow with the bobs of your head. strained noises roll out of yukhei’s lips, each one louder and deeper than the last. you lift your eyes up to him and moan around his cock, the vibration making him feel so good and his thrusts quickens. you feel the corner of your eyes water a little with each jerk of his hips. 

yukhei gasps. “fuck, just a little more, baby.” 

your grip on his hands tightens as he grasps your hair. a handful more strokes with your head bobbing and cheeks hollowing while saliva drips pass your open lips and down your chin, yukhei comes with a moan from within his chest. his hips still and a delighted hum he catches from you. 

the warm and slightly salty liquid slides down your throat smoothly. you let go of his hand and with both hands placed on his thighs, you gently rub them to calm him. then little by little you carefully shift back for his cum to coat your mouth as you try to swallow it all. 

yukhei stares at you through gulps of air and a tiny proud smirk on his face. his hands push your hair back again while some of the cum trickles from the corners of your mouth. you pull his cock out with a faint pop and swipe up the cum on your chin and push it back pass your lips, licking your finger clean with a soft moan. you chuckle at the sudden dazed look on his face and help him tug his underwear back up; certain he will need another shower later. 

you sigh gleefully in satisfaction as yukhei pulls you up to stand. his hands rest on your waist and he presses a kiss to you, the faint taste of himself lingering in your mouth. you whimper quietly when he sucks on your upper lip before resting his forehead to yours. 

your arms go around his neck with a playful beam. “i think you’re my new favorite snack,” you say teasingly. 

he smiles and kisses you tenderly again while his hands little by little slip underneath your shorts from behind. his long digits slide pass the curve of your ass. you mewl when he grazes a finger against your wetness. your arms tighten around his neck for balance as your mouth falls from his with a gasp once he plunges a finger into your pussy. 

yukhei brushes his mouth against your ear while playing with the wetness. 

“that’s good to know...” his words trail off as he moves back and takes his hand out. he brings his glistening finger between your faces. a whine squeaks out of you when yukhei sucks on your arousal. 

“cause you’ve always been mine’s,” he finishes with a grin. 

and the bowl of yogurt and berries ends up sitting on the counter untouched. the container of it turns warm too. yukhei ends up buying you more to replace them. 

─ : ─ 

the fifth time it happens, it’s the opposite of the third time because yukhei surprises you instead. 

one month he has been away filming in another country. you expect him back tomorrow night because that’s what the schedule he sends tells you. but he has a surprise up his sleeve because he comes back a whole day earlier, ready to put an end to the thirty one days of separation. how much he has missed you is indescribable. 

yukhei tugs on the cap hiding his face. he knows he can surprise you later. but he also knows he doesn’t mind seeing you as your skin glistens and your body moves. you’re wearing back those yoga pants that outline your legs and it matches the black sports bra with the half a dozen crisscrosses designs that leave so much of your back exposed. like always, you’re focus and glowing with confidence that he can’t help but smile and admire everything about you. 

and he isn’t the only one either. 

yukhei catches the glances and stares directed at you, lingering on you. whether you know it or not, yukhei’s not sure. he knows you can take care and protect yourself. yet it still leaves an uneasy feeling in his stomach. 

you finish your last set of step lunges and your heart beats a bit faster than before. you pick up your phone, hoping for a message from yukhei. you haven’t spoken to him since this morning and it had been a simple morning greeting because he was running late for his schedule. there is none though and you release a sigh. you will see him tomorrow and a reunion you have been so excited for since he left you will take place. 

your phone locked and in your hand, you grab your towel and water bottle and turn around. but almost immediately you walk into a wall or a body. 

apologies are close to rolling pass your lips. but the faint scent of musk and citrus and the soft and very familiar laugh filters into your space. your heart beats quicker for different reasons now as you look up only to be met with yukhei’s beaming face under the bill of his cap. 

you nearly squeal, jumping on him with your arms wrapped tightly around his neck. regardless of the sweat on your body, yukhei doesn’t hesitate encircling you with his arms. he lifts you up a little off the floor while he squeezes your body to his. there’s a slight muffling against his neck and he gently puts you down and pulls back. 

“what did you say?” 

“i said i’m not going to cry,” you repeat even though your gaze on him is turning hazy. “is this why you were asking me what i was going to do today last night?” 

yukhei nods with a watery smile while his own eyes get a little teary at the sight of you like this. you let out a deep breath and blink back anything that threatens to fall as he takes the towel in your hand. he carefully wipes the sheen off your face down to your collarbones and the area by your chest. 

you clear your throat and he glances at you. “how long have you been here?” 

he lowers his head and places a chaste kiss on your smiling mouth. “long enough to see how people like to stare at you,” he murmurs, the hint of annoyance and overprotectiveness laced in his tone. 

the corners of your lips curl up teasingly and your stomach flips. “you mean like you.” 

yukhei spreads his large hand over his chest, the playful offended expression forms on his face. you laugh as he rests a hand on your waist and pulls you near him. another quick kiss he bestows on you and you turn to walk towards the locker room with him by your side. 

“you ready to get out of here?” 

you hum happily. “let me go get my stuff, okay? i’ll be quick.” 

and the dinner you want to make for him you will save for tomorrow. you order his favorite take out and talk about what he has been doing with his filming and what he has been missing in your life because phone call catch ups just aren’t the same. when the food is cleared and a shower together is taken to clean the day off, yukhei touches you, kisses you and loves you like only he can. 

your ankles cross behind him as you claw at his hands above your head. your whimpers mix with whines at how good each movement of his cock caressing your walls feels after so long is music to his ears. 

“yukhei, i’m close,” you pant out frantically, the coil in your stomach building. 

he grunts, his thrust becoming deeper and harder. you let go of his hands, wrapping them around his neck as your thumbs caress his hot and sweaty cheeks. he grasps your hips and he moves into you at a reckless speed. 

yukhei leans down, giving you a very open and messy kiss. “fall apart for me, baby.” 

your back arches off the bed and you do with a choked sob that makes him proud as the butterflies swarm in your entire body. your pussy clenches around his cock and your eyes connect to his. yukhei continues his thrusts and you hum desperately, your body on a sweet high. but still you lift your hips to meet him and it takes a few more deep strokes and the sight of you pinching your nipples for yukhei to come with a long intense groan. 

he collapses on you, his weight heavy on your body, but you let him be. it feels nice to have him sticking to you after the separation. his face burying in the crook of your neck, yukhei kisses the space there before moving his lips. he dots a few more around your neck to eventually look up and place one on your grinning mouth. 

you look happy and his heart feels full. 

your hand rises to brush his damp hair back as his touch dances along your waist. you tilt your head, the dim light of the bedroom faintly catching in your eyes. you lean forward for your lips to graze his. 

“just so you know, they can look all they want,” you whisper, your heart skipping a beat. “but you are the only one who can touch.” 

and yukhei smiles and does so until the sun rises. 

─ : ─

it’s pouring outside now. 

you’re curled up on the couch with the latest drama playing on the television screen. yet as much as you try to pay attention connecting the characters together and following the plot, the quiet grunts and movements from the corner of your eye are distracting. 

after a few minutes, you finally turn your head. you stare with warm cheeks at the muscles on his naked torso and his strong arms as he does his sit ups. you admire his dedication. without fail every day, yukhei does his one hundred pushups, one hundred sits ups and one hundred squats. he does double of it today though with the rain outside because he stays in. 

with a shake of your head to yourself, you shut off the television. you get off the couch to go into the bedroom and feel the brief glance from yukhei. you make your way to the dresser drawer, pulling open the third one and shed your pajamas in favor of what you want before walking back out to him. 

it takes yukhei about a minute into his pushups before he realizes your presence beside him and a second after until he hears your sugary voice as your hand settles on his back. 

“would you like some company?” 

and yukhei turns his head to find you kneeling with a tender coil ghosting your lips. your pajamas of one of his t-shirts and soft cotton shorts are replaced by the familiar tight fitting black short shorts and a light blue sports bra that looks oddly similar to the pink one from last time. he bites the corner of his lips with a final pushup before his body lowers to the ground and he sits up, crossing his legs. 

his breathing is a little labored and there’s a light sheen to his pretty skin. but still his arms open and on your knees you move to him, looping your arms around his shoulders. 

“i thought you wanted to watch the drama.” his hands settle on your hips. 

you smile a little shyly, your face warm. “i did. but something or rather someone was getting my attention instead.” 

yukhei laughs, the apples of his cheeks tinting before he smirks and an eyebrow raises. “is that so?” 

you nod and lean forward, pressing your forehead to his. “i say this with the most respect because i love you, but you are very… hot,” you whisper with a soft chuckle. 

almost immediately his ears turn red, remembering those words he had said once before to you. 

you place a short kiss to his plump lips. “so what do you say? would you like some company?” 

yukhei smiles because he does. 

there’s a beam on his face when he holds your feet during your sit ups, welcoming your kisses every time you come up. the warmth in his chest slowly rises and spreads in him.

his infectious laughter mixes with your faint squeals while you lay on his back in another set of pushups. he feels his body reacting at the close proximity of your bodies. the way you look at him and giggle as your legs and arms wrap around him tight during his squats makes his face hot. 

and it’s an hour later with uneven breaths and skin damp with sweat when yukhei leans against the couch. you stand, making your way to the kitchen for two bottles of water. he whispers his words of appreciation when you hand it to him and take a seat in front of him. quietness settles as the cold liquid cools your bodies. your eyes turn to the window, watching the raindrops continue to wet the city.

but yukhei’s eyes settle on you instead. 

how shiny your skin appears to be. how your chest covered in that pretty light blue still rises and falls a bit quicker than normal as you catch your breaths. and even if you will forever deny it; perfect you are to him.

he feels the rapid beats of his heart again. 

one last sip you take, you put the cap back on the bottle and place it to the side. you face yukhei once more to only find his stare on you. your hands on his knees, you smile excitedly with a tilt of your head. “that was fun, wasn’t it? maybe we can do this again.” 

a response you wait for but don’t get. instead yukhei closes his bottle and his joins your to the side. his hands grasp yours, fingers lacing together to pull you to your knees and eventually to him. you kneel between his open legs. he looks at you, his large eyes shining to go along with the soft and serene smile on his face. 

“what?” you chuckle curiously. 

“you know even after all this time, seeing you like this, it still drives me crazy.” his voice is gentle and touches your heart while his eyes outline every curve and every feature of yours. “i can watch you for hours on end.” he lets go of your hands, running them up your hips then waist and stopping right at the band of your sports bra. yukhei grips you firmly yet softly right beneath your breasts. “and to know i’m the only one who can see it all, touch it all and to really feel how you move makes me the luckiest man alive.” the tender pressure against your flesh and the look on his face makes you whine faintly. 

yukhei presses his face to your chest, taking a deep breath. one of your arms loops around his neck and he lifts his head a minute later. he’s beaming and your heart is melting. 

you nod slowly and let out a breathless laugh. “and i’m the luckiest girl to be able to show it all to you, to have you touch me and feel just how i really move.” 

your gaze stays on his as you raise your free hand, brushing pass his hands still on your body to the center of your chest. he stares at your bottom lip catching between your teeth while your fingers find the tiny tab of the zipper of what you’re wearing. and the slow tug down draws yukhei’s attention. he watches in awe at the gradual reveal and when your breasts are exposed, you hear the faint and pleased groan. 

yukhei has lost count of how many times he has seen them and touched them. yet each time it happens, he appreciates it like it’s his first time. you push the material to the side as your nipples slowly harden from the open air. 

everything about you is beautiful. 

“is that what the zipper’s for?” his eyes dart from the gleam in your gaze to your breasts. he reaches to gently cup and massage them. “so you can seduce me?” 

you giggle softly. “no, it just makes it so much easier to put on and take off.”

yukhei chews on the inside of his cheeks, tenderly flicking and pinching your nipples between his fingers. you lower your head and brush your mouth to his for a brief moment. “and besides i don’t think i need to seduce you, baby,” you whisper with a teasing grin.

it’s yukhei turn to let out a breathless laugh because it’s true. 

your hands cover his and pull them off of your chest. you shift back, standing up and tugging him his feet. it takes just seconds for yukhei then to crash his lips back to yours, swallowing your giggles and pressing his bare chest to your breasts. your mouths move ardently and teeth touch one another’s as his hands settle on your waist. your hands cradle his face while your bare feet move back one by one and he follows until you feel the bedframe against the back of legs. 

you lower yourself onto the bed, shifting backwards with his lips still attached to yours and his body going along with you. once you lay down and your head rests on the pillow, yukhei settles between your open legs. his mouth leaves yours and makes a path down. you gasp for air while he nips on the base of your neck. you sigh, your fingers threading through his hair as he continues a path down to your breasts. he sucks and licks your nipples as his hand reaches to play and squeeze the other, switching after a few minutes. the soft moans emitting from you sounds so pretty and inviting and yukhei finally sits back on his heels. 

his breathing is heavy but his fingertips on you are light running down your stomach to your shorts. yukhei finds your eyes as his large hand rubs your covered core.

“are you wet for me?” his voice is deep and his eyes are dark and you feel a rush to your pussy. 

you whimper quietly, the twinkle in your eyes so apparent. “find out for yourself,” you challenge him. 

he chuckles lowly then and shakes his head while his hands reach for your shorts, pulling it down along with your underwear. he tosses them to the side and a sweet laughter escapes your lips as yukhei devours the sight of you in front of him. he bends forward and kisses you eagerly, your moan muffled when he dips a finger into you.

yukhei releases your mouth. “baby, you’re dripping.” 

you smirk proudly. “only for you.” you spread open your legs a little more for him to access. 

he slips another finger in and watches as you bite the corner of your mouth, trying to suppress the needy sounds. but it doesn’t work because you feel him testing you with a third finger seconds later before it goes into you too. you moan, greedy for more as your eyes flutter shut and you grip the bedsheets. you grind gently against his hand when his fingers curl. you can come just by his fingers and have done so countless of times. 

yukhei groans, feeling the heaviness between his legs. “do you want more?” 

you moan again as he leaves the tender presses of his soft lips on your skin between the valley of your breasts. he teases you with a fourth finger and your eyes slowly open when yukhei dots a trail of kisses down your stomach. he slides the fourth finger in then and you arch your back instantly. 

he hears your soft and frantic whimpers and brings his gaze back up to you. “tell me what you want, baby,” yukhei whispers as he pulls his fingers out and slides them back in easily from your wetness. 

you tilt your head and reach for his free hand resting beside you and lick your lips. it takes you a moment to collect yourself and adjust to his four digits in you before you can gather your thoughts. 

“hmm, how is it fair that i’m naked but you’re not,” you mewl softly, feeling his fingers slowly drag alongside your walls as you roll your hips against them. even if he isn’t wearing a shirt, the part you want most right now is still covered. 

“you’re not completely naked, you know.” he gestures to the open sports bra. the straps still hang off your shoulders. you make an attempt to shimmy out of it then, but his fingers curl again and you instantly stop at the pressure in your core. 

yukhei shakes his head with a laugh and you let out a faint yelp and heavy breaths when he pulls out his fingers. “leave it on, baby. it makes you look like a present.” 

you can’t help but laugh a little at his reasoning. but your thoughts are soon interrupted when you catch the gleam in his eyes. you watch as he brings his fingers up to his mouth and sucks on your juices. the act sends another rush to your pussy and you whimper and pout. yukhei removes his fingers from his mouth with a teasing smile and leans close you, bringing his long digits to your slightly puffy lips. your tongue darts out and you lap up what he has left behind with a pleased noise. 

yukhei wets his lips and swallows the lump in his throat. “you know you’re a fucking tease,” he chuckles lowly, watching your tongue swirl around the fingertips. 

you give his digits one last lick with a grin. yukhei bends forward almost immediately to kiss you before shifting back to stand by the foot of the bed. 

there’s a playful smile on your face. “yeah, but i’m your fucking tease, babe.” 

you sit up a little, propping yourself up on an elbow as one hand runs and rubs down your body in anticipation. there’s a twinkle in your gaze when yukhei pushes his sweatpants and boxer briefs down. his hard cock slaps gently against his stomach and you feel your mouth watering and instinctively press your thighs together. 

he’s beautiful and regardless of how many times you have touched him and enjoyed him, you will always think so. you quietly and contently hum and yukhei catches your stare, your cheeks heating. 

“like something you see?” yukhei laughs, completely stepping out of everything. 

and he throws back the question you had once asked him. 

“yes, very much,” you reply with a giggle as yukhei climbs back onto the bed with a smirk. 

he gently rubs your thighs and you part your legs once again for him to settle between them. you reach out, spreading around the precum at the tip with the pad of your thumb as you grip him gently and stroke him. an enthusiastic groan comes from him while he leans over you to the bedside table. he pulls open the drawer for a condom and you watch as he rips the foil and rolls it on his hard length.

“how do you want it, baby?” yukhei asks, his large hands holding your hips.

you lay your head back down on the pillow and yukhei is over you, smiling sweet and boyish. you push his hair back and tilt your head. 

“like this.” you hook a leg around his middle. “is it okay?” your tone and your beam soft. 

yukhei nods because anything with you is okay. you stare with pleasure and eagerness while he pumps his cock a few times. his eyes stay with yours as he lines up to your entrance and gently teases you with the tip before slowly sliding in. he watches you chew on your bottom lip as you feel your walls stretch around his cock even with the preparations. but when he’s halfway in, he slowly pulls all the way out and you let out a whimper. he chuckles lightly when you pout. 

“baby, i just want your cock.” your voice is a little desperate yet teasing and yukhei groans at your statement and gives you a fleeting kiss. 

his eyes this time turn downcast as he gradually slides back into you. he watches his cock disappear into your pussy until he’s fully in, bottoming out. you moan while your eyes shut, adjusting to the sudden fullness that fills your body. he gives you a moment, caressing your hips even if he wants to move his own already. when you open your eyes back to him, you hook your other leg around his waist. 

“you good?” he makes sure with you.

you give him a tiny nod, grasping the bedsheets once more. “mmhmm, yeah, please move.” 

yukhei laughs and begins rocking his hips. your eyes don’t leave his with each of his thrusts and it feels nice to be connected in more than one way. it doesn’t take long for him to pick up a steady rhythm and speed though, your whines encouraging him to keep going. 

he pants out. “you feel so damn good. so tight.” 

“yukhei, harder, please,” you moan out. 

and yukhei lets go of your hips, setting his hands beside your head. he hovers over you and crushes his mouth to yours. the kiss is messy as yukhei begins slamming into you at a ruthless pace.

your mouth fall from his and your strangled moans fill the bedroom. you grip onto his forearms, the muscles hard underneath your hands. your breasts jiggle with each movement of his hips and yukhei reaches to cup one of them in his grasps. he flicks the harden nipple. your eyes shut as you slowly drown in ecstasy of his thrusts and touches. 

“look at me, baby,” he softly commands. 

yukhei suddenly slows his hips and moves to hold the back of your thighs. through half lidded eyes, you see a slight smirk form on his face. he pats your right leg gently and unwraps it from his waist. the brief second of confusion crosses your face until he lifts it over his shoulder. the action causes his cock to instantly shift in your pussy and you mewl. he rubs your left thigh next within seconds and you move, placing your left leg over his other shoulder. 

your ass rises a little off the bed and yukhei pushes closer. “how’s this?” he asks before he turns his head and presses soft kisses to your skin. 

you squeak out a whimper and faintly bob your head in approval. yukhei settles his hands on your hips again and leans down to give you an enticing kiss. his tongue swipes across your mouth teasingly when you try to chase after his lips. it takes only seconds after until yukhei starts thrusting again. he grunts lowly. the new position has him going deeper, hitting you at a different angle and your eyelids flutter at the pleasure. 

“keep your eyes on me,” he breathes out heavily. 

yukhei makes out the brief nod as your eyes slowly open back to him. it feels intense and so good. the sounds of skin slapping skin mixes with your loud needy moans, yukhei feels the pride in his chest being the cause of the sounds you emit. his pace picks up and he glances down momentarily, transfixed at how his cock slides out before it fully disappears inside of your pussy again. 

“oh fuck, baby, you take my cock so well,” he whispers, looking back up. “yeah, fuck, you like this, right?” 

“mmm, so good.” you whine and try to swallow the thick air around you. “you fuck me so good, baby.” 

yukhei’s grip on your hips tenses and he begins slamming into you at a merciless speed. it feels dizzying in the best possible way. you clutch onto his arms, doing your best to keep your eyes on his with each stroke of his cock. 

“baby, make me come,” you desperately plead. “please.” 

he smirks at your request and angles forward and closer into you with each rough thrust. your hands move to wrap around his forearms again and you hold on tight. you feel the increasing stretch of your legs and lower back, but you don’t care. 

all you want is for him to continue pounding into you like this. 

it just takes yukhei a few more minutes of working your pussy and him whispering sweet praises of your velvet walls and those pretty noises before you come with a sob, crying his name like a mantra. yukhei tenderly connects his mouth to yours, gently trying to calm you as he continues to roll his hips. you whine at the sensitivity of your pussy. 

“just a little bit more, okay?” his voice is calm but yet the movements of his hips are not. 

you manage a nod though, digging your short nails into his flesh as his thrusts become a little quicker. he's focus on getting to his high and you want him to have it too. you don’t hold back on how his thrusts are making you feel with your needy whimpers and strangled whines and he feels the satisfaction and excitement swelling in his chest. 

so fucked you already are yet you will take more just for him. 

he groans desperately. “close- yeah, fuck, so close.” 

with a few more fast and deep strokes, yukhei comes with a choked moan and you come for a second time. everything stills for a moment. you take in the way his chest is heaving and the dampness and stickiness of all his skin and yours. he takes in the blissed out expression and the languid smile across your face as you stare at him. 

god, he loves you with his whole heart. 

your hands drop to your sides and yukhei gradually rocks his hips gently back and forth, still feeling the pleasures of your second wave. 

“how was that, hmm?” there is a charming curl of his lips. “you okay?” 

you hum softly with pleasure in response and moisten your lips. you reach for your breasts, playing with your hard nipples and softly gripping your breasts as you relish the clenches of your walls around his cock coming in intervals. 

there are stars in his wide eyes and yukhei grins approvingly at the sight. 

the rush in your body eventually stops though and yukhei is careful to bring each leg of yours off his shoulder. he tenderly places them down on the bed, but you still whine. he chuckles at the playful pout you give him and gently and soothingly massages each thigh for a minute. you will be sore for a bit you are certain. he pulls out of you soon afterwards and you whine again. you watch as he cleans up before climbing back into bed towards you. 

“do you need anything?” he caresses your cheeks. “water? a heating pad?” 

you smile softly at his words and shake your head. “can you help me take this off though?” you sit up a bit and pick at the item still on your body. “it’s hot and this is sticking to me so bad.” 

yukhei laughs lowly and helps you pull of the damp sports bra off your shoulders and drops it on the floor next to the bed. your bodies are heated and sweaty but he still pulls you close and you still drape half your body over his. it’s quiet and nice and minutes pass as your bodies gradually cool and your breaths become slow and calming. your arm rests over his torso, fingers brushing over the inked lion across his skin. 

“does your offer still stand?” yukhei inquires suddenly and quietly. 

your brows furrow and you hum and lift your head to find his eyes shining. it takes you a second to figure out what yukhei is talking about before realization hits you, your question about exercising together the subject before you and him were sidetracked. you raise your eyebrows and you push yourself up on his bare chest. 

“hmm, only if you guarantee me that something like this will follow again?” you tip towards him, brushing your lips against his. 

yukhei lets out a breathless laugh that tickles your skin and heart. “only if you promise me i can unwrap you next time.” 

you giggle, nodding faintly. “deal.”

“deal.” 

the agreement is sealed with a quick peck and when you pull back, you tilt your head slightly with a soft curious and teasing grin on your lips. “is that why you’re always staring at me when we’ve been to the gym? because you want to unwrap me.” 

his ears turn red almost immediately and there’s a bashful beam playing on his pretty mouth. his cheeks are flushed and he’s looking cute and guilty. 

“it really is an honor to be the only one that gets to see and touch all of this after all your hard work.” his large hand runs up the back of your thighs and your ass before it rests on the small of your back. 

you roll your eyes playfully and smile alongside his mouth. “you’re so cheesy, you know that?” you whisper as the warmth blossoms in your heart. 

yukhei bobs his head with a bright beam in confirmation. 

“and you’re beautiful,” he affectionately and quietly emphasizes. 

he crushes your naked body to his, loving the feel of your breasts against his chest and captures your lips. yukhei moans into your mouth when you slowly throw your leg over his hips. you straddle his middle and your teeth grazes his as you cup his warm cheeks. you feel the faint teases of his tongue sliding into your mouth and whimper when his hands grab your ass and kneads it softly. you pull at his bottom lip with a tender bite and move your head back. 

you giggle and wipe the saliva from his mouth with the pad of your thumb. “you know that top with the zipper comes in three more colors?” you shift to his ears. “and i have all of them… along with many other ones i think you might like,” you whisper. 

turning back to face him, you smile mischievously while yukhei groans and thinks about pulling down those zippers himself, unwrapping you himself. he shakes his head. 

“are you free next saturday then? same time and place?” he questions with a boyish beam. one hand leaves your ass to cradle your face and one arm encircles your waist. 

the gap between your lips gradually erases as you pretend to think hard for a second. “hmm, i think i am,” you finally murmur with a tiny sweet chuckle. 

in one swift motion then, yukhei has you flipped beneath him. his strong and long body cover yours as your heart races from the action and the way he’s licking his lips and staring at you. there’s a sparkle flickering in his gaze and a flame beginning to burn in the pit of your stomach. 

god, you love him so much.

“good, it’s a date,” he whispers with a grin. 

his lips crash down onto yours and he swallows your laughter. 

until then, yukhei will enjoy what’s in front of him. 

─ : ─

yukhei loves anything and everything you wear, but perhaps he might be more partial to some things.

[chalkrevelations]

Huh.

Well, this is not the next episode reaction you were expecting, but a while back, in the middle of the night, while I was ready to cry from working on a pharmacology paper, out of nowhere, Youtube threw up Street Dance of China S3 Ep1 at me. And yeah. I am, admittedly, f’kn weak for a dance show. (There are enough SYTYCD episode reax on my old Livejournal that I feel there’s no point denying this.)

So – no, actually, wait. FIRST of all, I do NOT believe the “towel vote” we ended up being given for the opening routines from the four captains. That was the most blatant bit of bullshit chicanery I’ve seen in my LIFE, and I say this as a person with a ton of SYTYCD episode reax on my old Livejournal, and I also say this not because Wang Yibo ended up last (well, not entirely), but because I saw Wallace Chung’s routine. As someone closer in age to him than to the other three captains, I have to give him props for trying, but come on, man. The critique that Yibo got from random contestants – if the subtitles are to be believed, so I realize this needs a grain of salt - basically boiled down to “it was too good for the stage lighting.” :hands: Also, I saw your face at the reveal, Wallace, and you were as shocked as I was. No way you got more towels/votes than Wang Yibo. Not unless there’s some super wild undercurrent of nostalgia propping you up, which, I guess could happen, because literally all I know about pop culture in China, current or otherwise, is filtered through Tumblr and Youtube, both notoriously suspect, but … anyway. There’s got to be a TON of behind-the-scenes manipulation going on for Yibo to be rock-bottom with last pick of teams but then also to end up with THAT pool of possibles. Are you kidding me with this?

ANYWAY, what I wanted to say is that I actually really like Wang Yibo here, and it’s not just because he’s the only captain I have even a sliver of familiarity with, and it’s not just because Lan Wangji was banging Wei Wuxian. I do realize all of this is influenced by whatever edit they’ve decided to give a particular captain or contestant, but I’m impressed with the way Yibo immediately starts team building by getting his group into a warmup, getting them dancing together, getting them dancing with him before they have to worry about dancing for him. (I mean, come on, Jackson Wang. The way to get people to stop being nervous is not to say “Stop being nervous! It will make you fuck up!”) The way Yibo immediately recognized and responded to his group’s concerns about that one dude copying someone else’s routine probably also bought him a lot of return investment. He’s dressed to work it, in his sweats and his flannel (what IS that fake-leather TAC vest and random leg holster-looking thing, Jackson Wang?). He’s convincing me he really loves to dance, he can’t hold still while he watches the contestants, he’s wandering over into other captains’ turf when it sounds like there’s a dancer performing who he might like to see, he’s being the best Yibo he can be, and I’m grooving along, wind in my hair, totally down for this ride. He’s also adorable at the beginning when all the other captains are like, my goal for this season is to slaughter the competition and dance on their graves! And he’s like, well, I’d like to … make some friends? And learn some new stuff? I don’t know if the perpetual Humble Student schtick is natural or persona, or whether it’s general or specific to dancing, but it’s working for you, my dude. This is also made better (read: ironic), by the fact that it’s immediately before the towel reveal, when he flips over to utter disbelief and gets all sulky for a while over the “fact” that his dance routine got the least votes.

Also, OH WAIT. This is where that clip of Yibo dancing with his crew ALL OVER HIM came from that I saw floating around a few months ago, isn’t it? You’re telling me those guys had never danced together before and had like, three minutes to throw together that routine? I’m even more impressed than before. Meanwhile, the towels symbolize courage and challenge, Mr. Emcee? OK, fine, cheesy reality show blah blah whatever. Can we get to the dancing now?

I’m going to put the rest of this behind a cut, because it got super long, because it turns out, when you watch in 5-minute increments, it takes two and a half weeks to get through a single episode, but you actually can see and have opinions on all 5,328 contestants, plus every single one of the captains’ battles. Meanwhile, I’m trying to convince myself this is not going to be another series of episode reactions, but 1) I do have the benefit of not having a ton of hometown media giving me a next-day play-by-play, so even though this is six months old, everything’s a surprise; 2) I am, admittedly, f’kn weak for a dance show; and 3) it’s easy to watch in 5-minute increments between researching drug interactions in hypothetical hypertensive patients with stable ischemic heart disease, erectile dysfunction, and seasonal allergies. So, I guess we’ll see. It’ll be slow going, though, because I don’t ever have two and half hours to sit down and watch an ep cover-to-cover – if it happens, it will likely keep happening in 5-minute increments. Meanwhile, there is a metric shit-ton of nattering below the cut, so caveat lector. No, seriously, I kept adding to this little by little until it became a monster. Hashtag long post (remorseful).

OK, I am generally out of my depth here, as this is not at all my area of dance not-really-expertise, but some reactions:

Team Wang Yibo: I can see why he didn’t want to choose between Colin and Dian Men – Colin might have been a touch better technically and a better showman, but Dian Men didn’t seem to have a single wasted move – but, also, my dude. Yibo. You maybe should look a little bit less stunned and overwhelmed by the mere presence of Colin, it’s giving me ideas about your taste in men. Continuing with the powerhouses, I probably shouldn’t even attempt to critique Klash, but I did feel like he was a bit stiff in some of his footwork; that final V kick, though, shit, that’s what having that kind of upper-body strength is for. Bouboo … I mean, excellent flexibility and control, of course, but mainly I’m just terribly amused that Yibo got last pick of teams but somehow ended up with the guy who’s literal world champion, and who’s just as useful for getting into the other captains’ heads – without even trying – as he is for his talent. And then there’s a montage of Yibo giving out towel after towel after towel, and my dude, you cannot keep up this pace. There are still too many dancers to see, and you don’t have that many towels. AAANNNND Towel Battle #1 (See Footnote 1).

Team Jackson Wang: I do like Gai Gai, although that may be influenced by the fact she’s working in the twilight area between hip-hop and contemporary that I have more familiarity with - but also, I suspect she’s pretty good in her genre. I thought Xiao Jie was inconsistent and didn’t stick the landing on his initial attempt, so I have to give you that hesitation, Jackson, even though you’ve somehow ended up the villain in my inner narrative for this show, for no particular reason I can yet discern. Maybe it’s that you’re the direct competition for Yibo’s team in the towel battles. Good enough. Anyway, Xiao Jie definitely stepped up his game for the battle with Bingo, so I can kind of see why both of them got a towel, but we’re not even halfway through this, and most of y’all are giving away towels like you have an endless supply. Yang Kai is a fucking menace with fantastic musicality, and I’m just gonna say it and take the fallout - I think he gave a better performance first time out of the gate than any of Yibo’s powerhouses did. Whatever power Klash has got, whatever skill Bouboo has got, Yang Kai feels more explosive and engaging, at least in these initial showings. He’s going to be one to beat, I’d hug him too, if he was on my team and was going to help me WIN. Yibo’s probably lucky that happened during his little stroll over to check out the competition, so that he can see they’re definitely competitive and be prepared for it. Also, Jackson, I have to admit - that face you made when Chao really kicked in? That was the same face I made, because wt actual f, you have a literal secret weapon – secret because he CAME FROM NOWHERE and NO ONE EVEN KNOWS him, how is that even possible, how did he get that good – fluid, creative, controlled, incredible musicality - without anyone having any idea who he even is? And then there’s a montage of Jackson just giving out towel after towel after towel, and my dude, you need to slow down. You can’t just be like, “THEY LOVE DANCE WITH ALL OF THEIR WHOLE HEARTS!!!!1111!!!!11!” I get it, but everyone there loves dance with all of their whole hearts, and there are not enough towels to send all of them on to the next round. ANNNND, Towel Battle #1 (See Footnote 1).

Team Lay Zhang: lol at how diplomatic you’re being, Lay Zhang – your team’s fierce roar startled you, OK. At this point, I suspect you’re the street most likely to have a knife fight break out before this is all over. I do like Alex, I think he’s got a lot of interesting, super-clean details in his moves, and he’s engaging - I cannot BELIEVE you made him battle that dude whose moves were so mushy, Lay Zhang, it leaves me doubting your ability to judge this thing. At first I thought maybe you were just looking for an excuse because you wanted to see Alex freestyle, but then you actually said something about both dancers being equal, and my estimation of you plummeted, and also sadly, my sound dropped out for the actual battle, including the part where the clearly inferior dancer fell over and then accidentally POPPED ALEX ONE IN THE EYE, and I TOLD YOU SO. I do agree it’s a good idea to make dancers in the same genre do some battling, so you can kind of plan out your towels and put together a team with broad strengths, instead of giving out towels like you’re making it rain for the first 20 contestants, and then you have 1,375 more people to get through, with 3 towels left, as EVERYONE ELSE seems to be doing, so it’s nice that at least one of you guys is thinking – if not actually acting - strategically. That was clearly not even a contest, though, GIVE ALEX HIS TOWEL and send him to the next round. Xiao Bao is hilarious, with his concern that his team captain, who’s into krump, which is “beating,” isn’t going to appreciate his waacking, which is “slapping.” I also don’t know a whole lot about waacking, so thanks for the primer, Xiao Bao, and don’t worry, your performance is just as engaging for those of us who don’t know what we’re watching as you are generally. You deserve that towel for your ability to interact with and engage your audience, alone. Lingo is a good solid performance, although he’s got his team captain strategizing edited over some of it, and here’s the thing: we are 1:56:00 into this, at this point, with another half hour to go, and all of you are starting to disappear into the sea of dancers who are very good at what you do, but at generally the same level? Anyway, Lingo, I approve of your ability to interact with your audience (read: your captain) to ensure engagement, too, so keep that up. Annnd, we actually haven’t seen that much of you guys, but it’s time for Towel Battle #2 (See Footnote 2).

Team Wallace Chung: I’m glad Su Lian Ya insisted on performing, I thought she started off slow but warmed up, and that ending was creepily fantastic and had me spontaneously grinning at the screen in delight. Then we lose sight of this group for a really long time, actually. We go back to find Wallace putting through a couple of urban dancers who we barely see, but who apparently claim to have some choreography experience, and he really likes that. TI shows up, and they’re solid, but honestly, not as good in this performance as they were in some of the stock footage the show threw up to introduce them, but Wallace remains super-excited about the idea of choreography and sends at least choreographer Zhang Jiang Peng through to the next round. And then, we really haven’t seen that much of you guys, either, which maybe doesn’t bode well, but it’s time for Towel Battle #2 (See Footnote 2).

FOOTNOTE 1, aka TOWEL BATTLE ONE, Team Yibo vs. Team Jackson, 3V3 freestyle: First of all, I have to say, I love Yibo - Mr. I Just Wanna Make Some Friends And Have Some Fun - being all, “I have three crappy white towels I’m stuck with for coming in last place that I can’t use to send dancers to the next round and that I DO NOT DESERVE, and I am getting BACK the colorful towels that ARE RIGHTFULLY MINE. I am coming for whoever is in my way.” Team Yibo is Bouboo, Klash, Dian Men, and OK, given what we’ve seen so far, that’s the safe choice, but honestly, I think we’re just taking some things for granted right now, and I’m not sure they actually have given the best performances so far. Yeah, I said it. Team Jackson is Yang Kai, Chao, and Xiao Jie, and … ok, on that last one, I think you probably could have substituted Bingo, but all right. Yang Kai is a definite yes. Chao will be great if he can stay out of his own head and not psych himself out, but given what we’ve seen so far, he’s an obvious pick. First round, Yang Kai vs. Klash, and Yang Kai is still a fucking menace, with super lines. Klash definitely stepped up his game for the battle, and I can’t get over the upper body strength he’s got, to get that kind of airy bounce in his moves, but to be honest, I can’t even be mad the first round went to Yang Kai and Team Jackson. Second round, Yang Kai is still … y’all, the beautiful lines from this guy in his poses, I can’t get over them, but I think he doesn’t have the stamina, his footwork is getting sloppy. Bouboo also steps up his game for an actual battle, his fluidity and control is amazing, and yeah, round to Team Yibo. Round three, Xiao Jie gives it a decent effort, but the polish isn’t there; meanwhile Bouboo is still in champion mode, and I was kind of surprised this was a split vote and went to another round. Xiao Jie absolutely surprised me, coming back stronger on his second try, although I suppose a more familiar genre helped, but Bouboo continues in champion mode. Round four, Chao looks like he’s going to throw up right before he steps out there, and then as soon as the music starts, it’s like, he doesn’t even think. The music just moves him. I feel like his dance vocabulary is more limited than Bouboo’s, though, and Bouboo’s flow is amazing at this point, so I feel like the judges just want to drag this out and see more dancing when we go to one more round. Strong effort all around, but yeah, round four and two towels to Team Yibo. I can’t really complain about that. I do feel like Yibo’s powerhouses have been holding back until now, though, and I’m not sure how I feel about THAT.

FOOTNOTE 2, aka TOWEL BATTLE TWO, Team Zhang vs. Team Wallace, 3V3 w/ captain: lol, Team Zhang really wants someone to pick the Sailor Moon song because they know Xiao Bao and his waacking will tear it up. Anyway, Team Zhang includes Lingo and Xiao Bao, who does not get his Sailor Moon song and continues to be hilarious in his disbelief about being chosen to participate in this battle, when he’s not looking almost as sick as Chao from Team Jackson before HIS performance. Team Wallace includes Su Lian Ya – and honestly, despite how I’m getting ready to bag on him for the entire rest of this battle recap, I like that Wallace put one of his female dancers up there for the battle - and some dude named Ba that they haven’t given us any footage of, up ‘til now, at least that I can remember and who I … don’t even know has been formally given a towel and sent on to the next round, yet? Oh wait, he must have, because there’s talk in the pause for choreography about somehow using the towels during the battle. Wallace relies on Su Lian Ya and Zhang Jiang Peng to choose Ba, and then Ba ends up choreographing a lot of the performance, at least from the edit we see. I continue to feel you may be in over your head, Wallace. This feeling … is not assuaged by your performance in the first round, which is fine, but not really up to the level of almost anyone whose name I’ve bolded so far in this entire recap. Also, using the towels was a cute idea, but it doesn’t translate well, and Team Wallace has a lot of wasted time throwing the towels around instead of actually. You know. Dancing. Lingo gets a credible solo during Team Zhang’s performance, and even though Xiao Bao is clearly lost during a good bit of his backup dancer duties, he manages not to throw up, which – given this team’s general skill level – should be enough to give them the first round, EXCEPT SOMEHOW Team Wallace gets the point from the judges, who then try to justify this inexplicable decision by saying Team Wallace had better interaction, I guess because of the hot mess with throwing the towels around, but adding that Team Zhang was more scattered, which what? More scattered than the hot mess with the towels? I’m not buying this. I can’t tell if they’re propping up Wallace or fucking with Lay Zhang’s head, but I’m having bad acid flashbacks to the many and varied ways dance show judges will try to gaslight you, telling you that things you just saw with your very own eyes did not actually happen when it’s right there! On camera! Visible, despite whatever edit bs you’re pulling! ANYWAY, they’re definitely managing to fuck with not only Lay Zhang’s head, but Xiao Bao’s, and Xiao Bao still doesn’t seem to have his choreography down, but they manage to pull it together enough to take the second round, which to be honest is kind of a muddled mess on everyone’s part. The only one who really stands out to me on this go’round is Su Lian Ya, but OK, Team Zhang might have had it slightly more together as a unit. And then, yeah, OK, I think they were fucking with Lay Zhang’s head, because we then find out that, holy shit, the song the show powers-that-be chose for the tie-breaking third round is that gd Sailor Moon song, and we can all see the writing on the wall. Poor Team Wallace is no match for Xiao Bao, who frankly, carries this entire round on his shoulders without breaking a sweat and barely needs any backup dancers to do it. There’s some ridiculously dramatic reveal of scoring, with the judges dragging out their decisions like this was any actual contest - I’m beginning to suspect that some of them grew up with Wallace Chung posters on their bedroom walls - but finally, round and towel to Team Zhang.

Cut to a little bit of Next Time On, and wow, the first two-and-a-half-hour episode is over, and we aren’t finished with the initial round yet. It’s gonna be Christmas before I make it halfway through this season.

[jaskierswolf]

A Thirst Like Flames

Part 2/6 (1 - 3, 4)

Ship: Gerlion - Rated: E (for smut) - Also on AO3

Summary: There was an itch prickling over Dandelion’s skin, a constant ache in the pit of his stomach and his mind felt hazy at all hours of the day. He watched the sun creep behind the horizon, quill in hand, the long feather brushing against his cheek, willing for some kind of inspiration, anything to distract him from the never ending lust. He couldn’t help it, he was a young man in his prime and he’d spent the last few months in the wilderness with a rather gorgeous witcher.

________

Dandelion’s plan to keep his hands out of his pants didn’t last very long. The next morning he woke up from a particularly lovely dream about the Countess of Stael with an erection that was pressed hard against Geralt’s arse. After their spat, he really really wished he could move away without waking up Geralt but Destiny and Luck were not on his side.

Geralt groaned as Dandelion tried to extract himself. He froze, keeping his dick as far away from Geralt as possible, not an easy task.

“Ah, Geralt, good morning!” he trilled happily, “I umm… I was just getting up, I mean standing up to go to the toilet. I’m really rather desperate and—”

“Shut up, Dandelion.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just.. well it’s been a while.”

“We’ll find a town, you can find a girl,” Geralt grunted.

Dandelion snorted. “I’m rather more flexible in my tastes, witcher. Does that offend you?”

“No.”

“Good!”

“Fine.”

Dandelion sighed dramatically and rolled away from Geralt. “I need to take care of this, do you mind?” He asked, finally able to meet the witcher’s gaze as Geralt rolled over to face him.

And oh ho ho! Wasn’t that an interesting development?

Geralt was just as hard as he was… and not even trying to hide it.

“Unless-” he trailed off, “-it doesn’t have to mean anything?”

Geralt’s yellow eyes fell to take in Dandelion’s own state of arousal, a faint blush creeping up the witcher’s neck. “What doesn’t have to mean anything?”

“Well, witcher… it appears we’re both in need of a hand, I think we can both agree that it’s better if someone else helps out. If you catch my drift, my dear.”

“You want to?”

“Only if you do,” Dandelion agreed, a warmth already spreading across his skin in anticipation. If his cock hadn’t already been hard then it would be by now, at the thought of Geralt getting his hand on him, thick calloused fingers running down his length. It was utterly sinful and Dandelion was addicted already. “I have oil in my pack if that helps?”

Oil that really would have made last night’s activity more pleasurable but he’d been desperate. He tilted his head at Geralt, waiting until the witcher gave a stilted nod before scrambling to his bag. He held up two bottles of oil.

“Lavender or chamomile?” he asked, waving the bottles in turn.

Geralt sighed and held out his hand for the chamomile. “You don’t have any scentless?”

Dandelion smiled sheepishly, running a hand through his hair and grimacing as his finger caught in a twig. He pulled it out, flicking it to the floor. “No, sorry. I am a poet, Geralt! A troubadour of the highest renown! I simply cannot walk the continent smelling like pig shit,” he snapped, pointing at Geralt as he went to open his mouth. “No, don’t give me that look, my dear witcher. You’d be amazed at the difference scented oils and soaps make to one’s smell! Not all of us enjoy smelling like Roach’s blanket.”

Geralt snorted but popped the cork on his bottle, he sniffed it cautiously. “I never thought my dick would need scented oil,” he shot back.

Dandelion blushed, turning redder than his ruined bonnet. “Well, if this becomes routine then maybe we can invest in something more to your tastes.”

“Careful, you’ll put the whores out of business with talk like that.”

Dandelion put a hand on his hips, ready to argue, but Geralt’s eyes were bright and cheerful. The bugger was laughing at him. Dandelion smirked.

So it was going to be like that.

“Come now, sit opposite me and pull your trousers down,” Dandelion directed as he settled back onto his bedroll, swiftly pulling his own cock from his trousers. It was half hard, their conversation dampening his arousal but Melitele be damned if he wasn’t going to take advantage of the situation.

Geralt raised an eyebrow but mirrored Dandelion. Dandelion’s eyes widened as he saw Geralt’s erection. It was huge! Even with his long lutist fingers he would struggle to wrap his hand around the base. For a moment he wondered what it would feel like to ride Geralt, to split himself open on that wondrous cock. He licked his lips and swallowed. His heart raced faster in his chest and he felt like his skin was being painted in fire. 

“Like what you see, bard?” Geralt’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

He blushed and smiled up at his friend, twirling a lock of his hair in between his fingers. “Oh very much so, can I touch you?”

It was the whole point of this whole scenario but… well… it still felt polite to ask.

Geralt nodded. “Yes.”

“Close your eyes, darling,” Dandelion purred, slipping into the role of the temptress with ease. He’d built up quite the reputation at Oxenfurt and it wasn’t unfounded.

Geralt closed his eyes as Dandelion poured oil into his palm. He warmed it up, rubbing his hands together and then stroked a finger along Geralt’s cock.

“Would you prefer I stay quiet, or shall I talk to you, tell you about how a pretty girl would want to touch you?”

Geralt hummed, a smirk appearing on his lips as dark eyes met his. Dandelion hadn’t been expecting Geralt to open his eyes, assuming that the witcher would prefer to keep up the pretence. This was just a favour between two friends. That was what they had agreed, but the way Geralt was looking at him…

Fuck.

Dandelion almost believed that the witcher desired him, not anyone else, him.

“I’m rather more flexible in my tastes, bard,” Geralt said, echoing Dandelion’s own words from earlier.

He felt a smile appear on his own face as he continued his gentle teasing on Geralt’s cock, fingers featherlight along the length. “Touché, my dear.”

Geralt tilted his head, eyes dropping down to where Dandelion’s cock lay neglected. “Can I touch you?”

Dandelion had to bite down on his lip to stop a pitiful whimper escaping him. “Yes, gods, please do, Geralt.”

Geralt was less tentative than Dandelion had been. He wasted no time in covering his own hand in oil and taking Dandelion in hand. The grip was firm and hot around his cock, making Dandelion’s breath hitch.

“Oh fuck,” he whined, and finally wrapped his fingers around Geralt. He’d been right, he could barely fit the girth in his hands, and he couldn’t help the needy moan that fell from his lips. Gods, he would get to fuck himself on Geralt’s cock one day, or else he would die a brokenhearted man.

Geralt grunted as Dandelion finally stroked his length. He was more silent in his pleasure, but not once did he take his eyes off Dandelion. It was completely intoxicating, golden eyes almost entirely black with arousal. “Fuck, darling, do you have any idea how gorgeous you are like this?”

The witcher swore under his breath, shuffling closer to Dandelion. Their legs were wrapped around each other, pulling their bodies together. If he were to lean forward slightly, Dandelion would be able to rest his forehead against Geralt, perhaps even kiss him, but that would be too intimate. They were friends not lovers.

Friends not lovers.

Just a favour between two not entirely heterosexual men, stuck in the middle of a forest with months of sexual frustration between them.

Dandelion whimpered, he felt too hot in his clothes, even in the morning chill when the sun hadn’t yet breached the line of the trees.  He tried, gods he tried, to tell Geralt about how a real lover would treat him. He wanted Geralt to picture anyone but him, to take away this burning heat between them. It wasn’t real, just an illusion. But the words, for the first time in his life, were stuck. Instead of the eloquent story of how a lover would take Geralt apart with their hands and mouth, Dandelion found himself babbling nonsense, praises to gods he didn’t believe in, Geralt’s name, wordless moans and gasps.

When he was drawing closer to his release, his strokes on Geralt’s cock becoming erratic and lacking any of his usual famed skill, Geralt brushed his hand away. Dandelion whined, closing his eyes and pressing his head against Geralt’s shoulder. The witcher choked out a moan of his own as he took both their cocks in his hands, jerking them off together.

It was too all too much for the poet. He keened, singing higher and prettier than a nightingale as his climax washed over him, stars shooting across his vision. He barely registered Geralt following him after a few more strokes of their cocks. He was burning hot and sweat made his remaining clothes stick to his skin, the energy seeping out of him and he almost wanted to roll back over and go to sleep.

But it was morning, and he was covered in sweat and cum.

If he’d been in a nice bed in Oxenfurt, or even Lettenhove, he might have enjoyed the post-coital glow, but as it was he had twigs in his hair and weird rocky bumps on the ground under his bedroll.

It was disgusting.

He groaned into Geralt’s shoulder, still not quite ready to sit up on his own. “I really need a bath.”

Geralt chuckled, and Dandelion could have sworn that he felt the witcher press his lips to his hair, but it must have been his imagination. He’d always had a vivid imagination. He was a bard after all.

“There’s a river nearby,” Geralt hummed. “Let’s go clean up.”

Dandelion sniffed and pulled back from Geralt’s chest. He blinked at the witcher, trying to shake off the sleepy haze of his orgasm. Geralt’s cheeks had a very faint blush painted across them, like blossom starting to bloom at the very end of winter. His lips were red and swollen from where the witcher had bitten on them in an attempt to stay quiet.

Dandelion tore his gaze away from Geralt, brushing off his poor trousers as he hauled himself to his feet. It was far too tempting to stay close to Geralt. His lips just looked so bloody kissable and Dandelion was only human…

Well…

Mostly human.

If the rumours were to be believed, then he was at least half elf, but he supposed time would tell. He wouldn’t mind keeping his youthful beauty for a while longer, and oh, Valdo Marx’s face would be a treat if they were to meet up in a couple of decades, the other bard looking older whilst Dandelion maintained his boyish charm.

Not to mention he’d be able to stay by Geralt’s side a little longer.

He rather liked the sound of that.

[polariswritings]

Holy heck male shinobu general hc?

HEY THERE SINNERS, ITS ME, YA FRIEND—

yalls joyfriend is planning a male kanroji so wait for that as well🥴🥴

also im using male readers bc they really dont get enough love! >:(

Male Shinobu! Headcanons

general headcanons;

(btw only shinobus gender is changed!)

he’d probably tease giyuu more roughly if shinobu was a male

cause they’re both men i’d imagine shinobu would go even harder on giyuu

especially if he has a crush on him WINK WONK

he took after his sister

even if he got made fun of because he looked so feminine with butterflies on him and

“man shouldnt be delicate like butterflies”

WELL GUESS WHAT FUCKER THEY CAN BE

i think male shinobu would use his sweet voice to lure in demons, regardless of gender because lets be real we all have a crush on him

i can imagine him treating sanemis wounds(if minor) very harshly. because Sanemi is the Big Angry Guy Who Wont Listen And Stay Still

overall, i feel like he’d be the same as female shinobu, just more harsh and rough.

relationship headcanons |SFW|

he probably takes you on his back and jumps from trees to trees and calls it a date!

“SHINOBU WE ARE BOTH MEN IM PROBABLY HEAVIER THAN YOU—“

“Say that again and i’ll make sure you don’t even feel your own body next time, my dear!”

he said it in such a cheery voice that it became a threat for a punishment

which you just 😰 but also 🥴

OKAY THIS IS THE SFW SECTION AHEM ANYWAYS

he probably drinks teas with you, spills his emotions and gets to be himself around you!!

and since you’re a man as well i feel like he’d feel much more comfortable talking with you

i dont know why but i headcanon shinobu as a more teasing guy?

like, shinobu does tease but never teases in action

he’s probably fighting an upper moon and just—

“IM GONNA CUT YOUR HEAD OFF LIKE A CARROT, FUCKER.”

“SHINOBU DID YOU JUST S W E A R ?”

cuddles cuddles cuddles

HAS to be the big spoon

loves feeling like he’s covering you with his wings

“Giyuu-san don’t be so upset that you don’t have anyone that loves you! Surely, someone with no standards will come your way!”

“...”

sabito: I AM RIGHT HERE—

LETS GET SPICY |NSFW|

first of all, loves to finger you.

like this man, this bastard, loves watching you come undone just by his fingers

“what’s it, angel? can’t take anymore?”

probably fucks your mouth a lot tbh

but when he’s angry, i hope you’re a masochist

‘cause this man will just eat your ass out like a three course meal

and without prepping you, he’ll thrust inside of you.

has a senpai kink and i said what i said.

call him senpai and get ready to be RAILED

a dom top. YOU CANNOT FIGHT ME ON THIS.

if you want to get him in the mood,

just tug on his haori, and start adressing him as “senpai”

daddy kink is overrated and thats that on THAT🥴

probably has called you his butterfly at one point

nsfw scenarios because my inbox is full of them and i want to prepare for it—🥴

“S-Shin’, I can’t hold it in anymore please—!” You were gonna go crazy, this man has been edging you for an hour. Well to you, it felt like a whole day. But he didn’t stop, and this time he didn’t reply.

Did this mean you could cum? Or did this mean he didn’t want to keep telling you to hold it in? Either way, you weren’t able to hold back more to be honest.

he gripped your back as he thrusted from behind, a strong one. He had you compeletly on his mercy, usually, you’d have an attitude. Some snarky remarks or teasings, but today Shinobu was mad and you knew you shouldn’t talk back or he’ll go harder.

Which, going by how tears are falling out of your eyes and how your ass feels like its going to tear apart if he contuines to thrust so harshly, you wouldn’t want that.

He grabbed you by your stomach, making you lean on him while still on your knees. You were a pillar and a very flexible one at that so he could do anything he desires with you.

His mouth close to your ear, you felt a shiver down your spine. mostly, he isn’t very quiet during sex. Its only when he’s angry.

“So you really like Giyuu-san enough to spend a whole night with him, (L/N)-san?”

Before you could reply, you felt him slam you back on onto the bed. Applying pressure on your back, making your ass stick out.

“Its not like that, Shinobu—“

you moaned when he thrusted harshly.

“Did i say you could talk back to me?”

He pulled you by your hair, forcefully. Forcing your body to bend, and you to cry out once again from pain and pleasure mixing in.

He’s thrusting in you fast, the sound of skin slapping together was so loud that probably poor souls who lived near that night heard it. Your cries of his name ans his grunts were mixing together. He’s going so fast, so fast you feel like you’re about to break. and maybe he wants you to.

“I’ll remind you who’s pretty little dear you are, (L/N)-san! Let’s give it our very best tonight and until morning!”

[space-ghosts-cry]

Hi, I Am Asexual/Ace

I am just sharing where I am coming from as an ace person. These are by no means guidelines for all ace people but the goal here is to inform or expose. To share with you personally a little bit about what it’s like to be ace. Lately, I’ve had to come out all over again to a variety of different kinds of people who don’t seem to know much about what being asexual actually implies.

Let’s start with a few definitions---

Asexual: someone who is not sexually attracted to others.

Demisexual: someone who only feels sexual attraction after forming an emotional connection.

Aromantic: someone who is not romantically attracted to others.

These definitions are important because there are people who think that being any of these things means that those who identify with them don’t have sex or are afraid or can’t have certain connections with others (whatever it may be). Breaking it down very basically- this is all about attraction not activities. It is all solely about the individual who identifies as one of these. It’s kind of like- someone who is Roma is not Romanian but there are Romanian Roma. So, someone who is asexual isn’t sexually attracted to someone but there are asexual people who are repulsed or indifferent about sex and prefer not to have  it. LIKE ME! Yeah.

I am indifferent about sex and in some ways repulsed by it. I don’t like it, I don’t want to have it, I don’t think it is necessary in relationships (and if you really want to get deep, I certainly don’t think it should play a major part in ANY relationship but that’s just me). You cannot change this. I have had a significant other that thought this was flexible, like if only the right dude came along (like he would be the right dude, uhm excuse me).

When I pursue deeper relationships beyond friendships, they are strictly platonic. I have yet to compromise my lack of sex life for a relationship and I don’t expect to.

^ Nor do I expect to become demisexual. But- who knows. Not current me’s problem.

I consider myself aromantic. Aromantic and asexual are different, you can be one or the other or both. I don’t feel the need to be in a relationship and lack romantic desires so therefore- aromantic.

I feel the need to say this a few times just so y’all get the point- THIS DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP! Some asexual people just so happen to not desire a significant other- some do. A lot do, actually. While I am not chasing anyone down, I am not against being in a relationship.

I acknowledged that I might be ace when I was 15 or 16. I always thought the sexual feelings would just eventually be there- as if they are some vital part of development. Buuuut. They didn’t. SO... Uhm. I came to full terms with being ace when I was 17. But I’ve sort of always, I guess, known... I think that’s what I’m supposed to say but I really wasn’t too educated on the whole thing until I even got to high school.

I am not 100% out for a lot of reasons. This isn’t common knowledge among my family or even some of my closest friends. I’ve been close to someone since I was 13 who does not currently know I am asexual. Unless he’s reading this now in which case SURPRISE *as it rains gray, purple, white, black confetti* Some of my friends- it isn’t necessarily that they’ll reject me but that I don’t think they’ll understand to the point it would hurt our friendship. To be honest, everyone is different and being ace is important- but it isn’t all I am. Someone knowing or not knowing won’t change anything about me and our friendship means more.

I pursue intimate friendships. I tend to cling to small groups of people. Like “quality vs quantity” I guess. I’m an open book overall but I prefer being an open book to smaller amounts of people instead of a bunch-- if that makes any sense. There is a lot of potential it doesn’t.

Being ace doesn’t make friendships and feelings any easier and I don’t really know why people would think that. Then again- I don’t know why people think a lot of the things they do about asexuality or why they ask some of the things they do. I mean, even writing this I’m sitting here thinking, “I can’t believe I actually have to answer this question, why is this even important.” Or I am going through some of the things that have been said to me after coming out and I wonder what is so hard to understand. Anyway, you’ll of see why I would think that in a minute.

I have been in relationships beyond intimate friendships. I don’t really feel like going into depth about this but if you really want to know- certainly ask because I do tell. Usually with a lot of passive aggressive remarks for flavor but I do tell nonetheless.

I do not share my personal sex life (partner or no partner ;) ) with others so don’t ever ask. I’ve told you all you need to know.

I don’t identify as gay or straight or anything else that points me towards a particular gender. I can tell you that my type tends to be masculine and I don’t necessarily discriminate against genders. But as for the types of people I’ve had some serious feelings for: butchy girls, trans men, men... I think you get the point. And I would prefer to be with someone who is also asexual, I just see it going better when both parties are equally yoked and have an understanding agreement vs a compromising agreement. I think it would make everyone happier. But hey- I’ve also never really pursued a relationship with anyone who isn’t ace. Feelings for non-ace, yes. Relationship with non-ace, yes. Pursued non-ace, no... (yeah that probably tells you too much about my dating life...)

I feel alone. Like. A lot. Because while I tend to feel intimate with people without needing a relationship- they don’t. I can care a lot for people who aren’t my significant other but I don’t feel like anyone cares about me the way I care about them. And as for what it’s like to actually pursue relationships, I face the issue of losing out on a relationship because I won’t have sex. A lot of people don’t want a relationship with an ace person or they think they can change that ace person by, “being the right one,” and that just isn’t the case. In fact, a lot of ace people face the issue of sexual assault when with non-ace partners due to lack of good communication and failure to properly recognize signals (or lack there of). Anyway, I feel like no one really understands where I’m coming from and how I am feeling. Like there’s something missing and I don’t really know how to describe it so I wish I could just transfer my feelings to other people, and they magically understand. But. I can’t, so... Here I am writing about it I guess and that’s just how life goes.

yeah so I’ve never really felt like I’m missing out on sex. Logically speaking- if you were to feel that way then... Would you still identify as asexual? I am not entirely too sure about this answer. It’s probably a yes but... that just doesn’t really sit with me as being simple.

Yes... I know what sex is and how it’s done. Thanks. I really... Really could care less for your worldly wisdom and middle school health lesson. Honestly just- THINK about it (sorry this is personal, stick with me).

No I don’t take birth control so I don’t get pregnant... Like most girls don’t take birth control so they don’t get pregnant.

Why do you care if I’m a virgin or not? Why does this even matter? Who asks?! I know who asks... People ask. A lot. Like. Why is this relevant information. This may be (historically) one of my most asked questions. That and, “are you gaaay.”

Being ace is not my “identifying characteristic” and if anyone thinks it is- I would prefer to try to inform them or distance myself from them. Like this isn’t the most important thing going on in my life 24/7. And fuck no, I’m not (will not be) your token ace friend. I am a girl who just so happens to be ace. This is (btw) why I can’t believe I have to answer some of the questions I do (if you recall from a few answers ago).

When I dress in what is considered “sexually provocative clothing,” it is for my personal fashion (like it probably would be for anyone else)- not provocative purposes. I like my boobs, what can I say?

My friends really confuse what it means to be asexual. Having to re-explain this to new people is really frustrating and anxious because I never know how people will react or how I will react to those reactions. I am very open minded of what other people think but to me it should be really simple--- why should my sex life even matter all that much for it to make or break a friendship.

I support marriage and if I find the right person it actually is in my plans to get married one day. Children of my own however-- I am not too entirely interested in having them.

I definitely consistently imply that I’m ace, but some people lack the education or understanding to make the connection. And that’s fine. But I do “come out” formally to most of my friends. It doesn’t usually just lowkey drop in a conversation. I usually make a decision on rather or not to come out. It isn’t advertised on my public social medias, I don’t scream that I am ace when I am around friends I’m not out to. It’s a moment for me each and every time because... what if? What if they don’t like that? What if they really don’t know what the fuck this is? What if they say, “you’re not a plant.” Or assume I’m just some kind of robot?

Though, as someone who identifies as asexual I am technically apart of the LGBTQA+ Community- I don’t personally get that involved outside of being an ally of sorts to my friends. I guess I just feel like I get a lot of pressure to answer to additional sexual identities like “You’re asexual- do you like men or women?” Like. I don’t and that’s my answer. Why does it matter? But I have a lot of friends within the community who totally respect that too so-- depends on the day and phase of the moon, I guess.

I am not ashamed of my sexual orientation. But it’s my business and it’s for me to talk about. I don’t want to be outed by anyone else. This isn’t a card anyone else gets to pull, a joke to flaunt, a topic token they get to just throw around. My orientation is a very serious aspect of my life. It isn’t funny. It isn’t yours

My best advice for someone who doesn’t understand asexuality is to just ask. Don’t make assumptions. Make an effort to better understand especially if you have an ace friend in your life. We are still people with very real human emotions facing problems both just as unique and common as anyone else.

Some of these are answers to questions I personally get a lot or things I wish people knew/understood about me, and some are answers to questions I found online that other ace people get a lot since I do have a history of having very accepting and understanding people in my life over this issue (mostly other members of the LGBTQA+ Community). If you have any additional questions--- I would love to answer them but as I said my sex life as far as what I have done and will do with or without a partner is personal and I don’t care to keep people who don’t need to know informed (you would be surprised so put that eyebrow down, I know the stats). Just as I don’t really care to hear about other people’s sex life (please and thank you). Find another ace to ask if that’s the question.

Everyone is different. What I have shared are not guidelines for all ace people. There are many different kinds of people within this particular community and they are all coming from different experiences, orientations, and situations. For example- some ace people have and enjoy sex. I just so happen to not... It’s very much about the individual as most things tend to be. I hope this helps people understand a little about me or maybe someone you know. Thank much for reading! Continue on with your daily lives, disasters, existence, etc!

[sanjuno]

SI prompt: Sailor Moon?

(2/32 SI Promptfest)

One of the things that Security always mentions when you start a new job and they hand over your accessbadge is that you need to completely close the doors behind you after passingthrough. A small piece of very important,very good advice that is sadly ignored more often than not once people settleinto their positions. Unfortunately, I failed to realize my coworker’s hubrisuntil the first shots were fired.

‘Oh shit.’ Thethought formed independent of the gibbering panic and pain as the horrificallyloud set of gunshots tore me out of my chair and flung me to the ground. ‘This is a brand new suit.’

I finished bleeding out about three minutes later.

/…/

Standing naked in the void, skin glowing like a star, myshocked mind could only offer up yet another inane thought. “Telling my motherthat I wanted my ashes turned into a diamond and mounted on a sword for my heirto wield as they avenge my death because I only intended to die when I waskilled was supposed to be a joke not aprophecy!”

“Too bad. Find comfort in the fact that your last wishes will be carriedout as you intended.” The human-shaped figure stepping out of theaether was a familiar stranger, their expression both sympathetic and uncaring.

“… Honored Janus.” Was I supposed to bow? Offer a handshake?How exactly were the dead supposed to greet a Roman God of duality and change?“I gotta say you’re not who I wasexpecting to run into roundabout now.”

“Who better than I to meet with one who so accepted the necessity ofchange, of growth and balance? Yours may not have been a grand story, but itwas a true one, and in the telling of it you have encouraged many changes.”The god of beginnings and endings grinned at me with one side of his face andfrowned with the other. No wonder the sculptors always put two faces on hisstatues. I would not want to be thecarver responsible for recreating that expression. Complicated was a bit of anunderstatement. “I find this useful for my purpose. Enjoy your new beginning, child ofthe Eclipse, Warrior of Dawn and Dusk.”

“… Eh?” I was the mostconfused. Was there supposed to be an explanation somewhere in there? “Wait,what the heeeee-olyshitwhatthefuck!”

Glitter. Glitter everywhere.Mixed with glowing bubbles and fireworks and no, really, what the fuck?

/…/

So.

Reincarnation was a thing. That actually happened to people.To me, specifically, in this case. If anyone was wondering.

It took awhile for my memories to come back, after I wasreborn. Which was actually a good thing because I needed those first few yearsto absorb a new first language. The confusion generated when I was six and myEnglish resurfaced was only funny in retrospect. At the time it was justfrustrating and slightly embarrassing.

Although once the initial assimilation was over with it wasnice to be able to code switch between English and Japanese. Almost like aconsolation prize for my new lease on life. Whee.

Oh, also I was a boy now. My eyes were still grayish-blue,my hair was still a dark ashy blond, but I was also Japanese and male. It wasan interesting mix of old and newfeatures coming together to make ‘me’.

… Probably Janus’ fault, now that I think of it. Good thingI never put any stock in gender or sex. Yay for the unexpected benefits ofbeing Ace-spectrum!

Nah, the gender reassignment was nothing. What reallybothered me was that I was the youngersibling. It was odd and wrong and upset the universal balance of what Iknew to be true. I could handle the educational pressure of being a ‘childgenius’. I could handle the overbearing social reinforcement of gender roles. Icould even handle the loss of everything I had once known and everyone I onceloved. (Granted, I did this by compartmentalizing and being slightlyemotionally stunted, but what works, works.)

I could not handle someone trying to ‘big sister’ me.

Thankfully, my new sister was… a flake. A ditz. A completeand total dunce. I loved her dearly and I would tear out the tongues of anyonewho spoke badly of her, but she had almost no academic intelligence at all.

I had expected it, really. After all, just because I wasreborn was never going to change such a fundamental part of her character. Heremotional and interpersonal intelligence was still off the charts, and hercharisma was frankly ludicrous. I still had a hard time accepting anyone who had proof positive of theirown ignorance not taking steps tocorrect it.

It was not like I wanted perfect grades from her. I justwanted enough effort put in to achieve competence.There was a difference between ‘I cannotdo this’ and ‘I will not do this’.Saying no once you have proved that you cando something is fine, but saying no without even trying sticks in my craw something fierce.

Knowing that a failed test paper plays a big part in Fate’sfuture machinations for my sister was also upsetting. Would pushing my sisterto study ruin the future? Would she still meet the people she needed to, stillmake the connections that allowed her to survive and win, even after all mymeddling?

I had no way of knowing. I could only trust that her Destinywould come for her. No matter what I did, or how many random first encounters Ineeded to contrive to bring it about.

“Shingo! Are you ready to go yet?” A voice I had beenfamiliar with long before my reincarnation called for me before my sister pokedher head into my room. “Come on,Shingo! I didn’t melt my brain studying all month just for you to flake out! I earned this shopping trip and youpromised to come with me!”

“Ehh, don’t pull out your hairbuns, Usagi.” Grabbing mysatchel off the back of my desk chair, I grinned at the future Queen of theWorld and winked. “Being this perfect takes work, you know?”

“Shingooo.” The eleven-year-old girl who was going to savethe world rolled her eyes at me and pouted. “Why are you like this?”

“Because not being me would be boring.” I stuck my nose up in the air with as much pomp as I wascapable of in a seven-year-old body. “Now let’s go! If we play this right Mamawill finally cave and get us the bedazzling gun so we can ‘enhance ourcreativity and encourage mental flexibility’.”

“Okay!” Usagi giggled, happily taking my offered hand andswinging our joined arms as we headed down the stairs. “Do you think we canconvince Mama to let me get my ears pierced too?”

“Eh, maybe.” I thought about the refractive properties ofcrystals and energy resonance as I glanced at my sister. The Imperium SilverCrystal, the Shintennou’s stones, Hearts Crystals, Star Seeds… crystals weregame changers in this world. Powerful ones. Tagging Usagi with a set that mostenemies would overlook… yeah. That was a good idea. Good job, self, excellentplan. I nodded. “I want my ears pierced too. We have an undeniable right tofreedom of self expression so long as we do so in a safe and healthy manner.”

Usagi stared blankly at me for a moment, nose scrunched upabove pursed lips. “You know I don’t understand you when you talk like that.”

“As long as you know what the words mean you’ll figure outhow they go together eventually, Bun-bun.” Cheerfully unrepentant, I hauled mysister down the last stair. “Onwards! To victory and glory everlasting!”

/…/

Ignoring the dull throb in my earlobes, I admired the hoopsI had chosen. Simple, elegant, unlikely to fall out unnoticed, and large enoughto hold three gemstone beads. For myself I had convinced my mother to buy blacktourmaline, lepidolite, and lapis lazuli. For Usagi I had picked outlabradorite, selenite, and rose quartz. Not expensive stones, but powerful onesfor the way their energies intersected and channeled power. Especially once Iwas done priming them as foci.

Abalone shell bowls with small, upwards facing mirrors atthe bottom. A little water in the bowls, add some salt, and then four undyedcandles in a circle, burning on the windowsill under the full moon. I watchedthe moonlight slowly gather in the stones, the smoke from the candles pulleddown into the water. Within moments of moonrise, each bead started to glitterand shine more brightly than nature intended.

Satisfied that it was working, I turned back to the blade inmy hand. It had appeared on my bed soon after my memories finished returning.It was ferociously sharp, and lighter in my hand than anything that size andmade of metal should be. The hilt was too big for my seven-year-old self to wieldeffectively, but the sword was perfectly proportioned for my old adult height. Carvedinto the blade was ancient Latin that named the sword VERITAS.

“Beware the truth, for it is a double-edged sword, whichcuts both ways.” I smiled, wiping the blade down to remove the excess oil. Itwas a magical blade, and probably did not need sharpening, but… better safethan brainwashed. “I do love a good pun.”

The milky diamond in the hilt flashed in the light, glowinglike a lantern in my dim bedroom. It was hard to look at the sword sometimes,especially since I knew what it meant. I was magic, the sword was magic, mysister was the fucking Queen of magicfor the entire damn solar system. It was still hard to look at my funeral stone,knowing that the diamond was formedfrom my ashes, and not feel cheated.

Violent deaths always leave something unfinished. I wondersometimes, now that I have experienced that incompleteness for myself, how muchof this resentment the Senshi felt after they knew of their past lives… and ofthe way the Moon Kingdom fell. At least, when the time came, I would be able tohelp Usagi deal with Serenity’s unfinished business.

“Sing, o muse! Of love everlasting!” I saluted the moonsolemnly before I fed the blade and sheathed it, shrinking it down to a pen andtucking it away. “Sing, o muse! As the old tale is told anew!”

Nothing and nobody would be allowed to stand in my way. Mysister was going to get her happy ending this time, and any assholes who triedto interfere with that were getting a death-sword to the face.

[ophiniaonistecua]

Webcomics n' story stuff: Themes

Thinking about writing lately, and about the concept of writing a grander narrative. Though the era of webcomics died, leaving many more stinking corpses than you can shake a stick at (you thought that comic was good, it sucked; the periods between uploads muddled your ability to smell the shit properly)

So, then the question is, what would I do if I was there, young and spry, with a dumb idea. Since I can't keep my desires straight for more than 4 months... we'll just ignore that. Let's focus on setting up the structure of a good story. In my eyes, a webcomic is three elements. Any comic, actually. Those are the heart, skeleton and skin. We'll just call the heart 'soul' so we get alliteration bonus points to cash in later. These elements must work together. Without soul, a comic is lifeless and pointless. Without skin, oh dear god, people are too distracted by skeletons and you ahve to be super Ace to pull that off. Without skeleton, the art cannot meaningfully be animated by the soul. In fact, anyone super Ace enough could remove any element, but you still need heart. A point. The Soul (I called it heart before, I know, sush) is the theme. The core idea. The point. When someone looks into the palettes, the writing, the characters, the theme is that one shade of purple you use to shade it all. The word you use in every line. It connects, it binds, it whispers sweet thoughts into the reader's ear. Now, the theme dictates a lot. More than whatever Genre Shortcuts you intend to employ. If the story is about silly video games, you have no Soul. Perhaps literally, but mostly figuratively. Those gag comics are fine, but even XKCD relies HEAVILY on that Skeleton to the point it's probably just a Bone Naga. He's got Soul. Somewhere. Anyway, theme. The theme is, essentially, your point. THe moral. The takeaway. Good always winning is a classic, but you should aim higher nowadays, if you want to be serious. Otherwise, it's your spare time, go nuts. Be the best darn Soulless you can be and smile! Okay, serious time. Theme being the point, the center, means it dictates a lot. Artstyle, writing, characters. Everything is flavored by theme, just like how your personality flavors your fashion sense, posture, etc. And perhaps your bones. In a good setting, protagonists and antagonists are reflections. They are both the same idea, but warped. Let's take an idea. "Hard work can get you anywhere." Sweet, crisp idea. A logical villain is someone who was born with everything or a huge bonus. A good hero would be someone who has nothing. Okay, that doesn't work. At all. For one, everyone is born with SOME advantage. Something to give, innate to themselves. Evne if its that goddamn discipline they're touting. So that kinda falls flat. And such a whiny villain is a strawman to the argument, and unless the hero's got charm, that ain't flying for long. Even Darth Vader took a minute to tell Luke about the family bloodline, despite literally being Big Scary Kill 'em Man in his faction. So, better is to nuance it early. The hero has to work MORE. Or we take a different angle. The villain has advantages from super genes and magic goobers, on top of having money so he can buy the best trainers and gear. The hero, however, has friends and moral support. An expansive network of second opinions and Ancient Sagely Wisdom ™. Oh, that's a nice nuanced idea, ain't it? It's more about the same idea, taken from two angles. The villain is built on highly focussed ideas. The hero is forged from many angles in many ways. The hero is tempered through struggles and humbled by their lacking social position, the villain bears no scars as he's never had a fight he had to try in. Now, you might be tempted to write the big finale with the hero and villain being equally matched. While this is a good idea, it's also bad for this idea in specific. Think hard: the point is about Hard Work. Study and practice. Naturally, Super Genes Bad Guy is not going to be beaten by Average Genes Jen on pure muscle alone. Experience in hard fights may have given Jen something he does not: tactics. Plans. Back-ups? After all, if the villain never loses, his tactics were never forced to become flexible. He never learned that no plan survives contact with the enemy. A proper opponent that knows this well enough to never engage head on would confuse him. Call into question his training. Oh fuck we just made the final fight about the central theme, that's exactly what we need. Now, if Fallout taught us anything, it's that the final boss doesn't have to be a shooty bang bang situation. The final conflict may be a meeting of minds, or simple the villain falling apart as the heroes are just So Damn Good nothing he can do can result in victory. The Emperor was defeated by Luke staying true to himself by wearing white clothes and teaching Vader that you can always be a traitor even if you wear black. The whole Death Star blowing up probably means something too. Something something weakest link, I guess. I think the Ewoks muddled that message for merchandising purposes. So yea. The big conflict doesn't have to involve fists. It usually does because Humans Like Punching. It's fast, high stakes and viceral. A good fight is dramatic because it caries Stakes and Implications. A good fight is, in reality, a meeting of minds. Where the strongest ideologue (at that time) wins. In writing,at least, in RL being a good fighter person is probably more important. Anyway, we can just have the hero and villain talk. A screen show their crystal shatter. Perhaps the Villain was a Lie and the hero struggles to stay true to themselves? Maybe the story's about the good in our hearts. The final baddy could just be the guards holdign the gates to Evil City closed. And there, because the hero never strayed, some stupid series of events caused the guardsman to recognize him and go "oh fuck he's nice" and open the door when he shouldn't. The hero is free, showing that even the most corrupt cogs, yada yada. The point is, the final conflict pushes the Good and Bad ideas really close until the better idea wins for some reason. Fights just look nicer though. And require less thinking. Wasn't this about themes? Whatever, maybe'll I'll write more about proper theming. This is nice.

[gobigorgohome2016]

Can You Have Too Much Fire?

In high school I had this awesome shirt that was meant to represent your zodiac element.  The shirt was red, spelled out “fire,” and listed all the traits of a fire sign:  passionate, larger than life personality, enthusiastic, quick temper, over achiever, direct, stubborn, attention seeking, etc.  For 16 year old me, IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE PUT MY ENTIRE LIFE ON A T-SHIRT. Mind blown.  

My favorite quote as a high school runner was, “if the fire is hot enough, it will burn anything.”  Later, I became really annoyed when I heard this quote used more often to describe metabolism, but to me, it meant that if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen on sheer willpower alone. [as a Speedway resident, I can no longer say willpower without thinking about the IndyCar driver, Will Power.  Sigh.]

As I’ve figured out since high school, my best trait is also, by far, my worst.  If there is anything I have learned these past couple weeks of 2018 is that if I was lacking fire in the fall, I have more than made up for that deficit now.  

When I sat down in December to look at the year ahead, there were some changes that I wanted to make. I love New Year’s resolutions.  I also love rules (ironic, yes?).  I’ve always been jealous of people who stick to things that make the planning side of their lives easier.  My friend does “Meatball Monday,” “Wok Wednesday,” “Soup Sunday,” etc.  How fun is that?  So, my resolutions have been thinly veiled by similar rules:

Makeup Monday (don’t let makeup go to waste, so use an item in my makeup drawer that gets the least amount of love)

Timer Tuesday: Instant Pot day.  The Instant Pot is an amazing  - yet slightly intimidating – machine.  Every Tuesday I make a different recipe from the cookbook that was included with the IP so that I can better learn how to use it.

Wakeup Wednesday:  I run with a friend on Wednesday mornings which means I get up at 5:30 AM.  We haven’t run together in FOREVER ( ☹ ) but I really like the routine so I wake up at 5:30 or 6:00 on Wednesdays, get my run out of the way, and then nap.  

Tulsi Thursday:  Tulsi tea is great for recovery, and I usually do my last hard workout of the week on Thursdays.  Tusli Thursday is just a reminder to be more mindful in my recovery.

Refresh Friday:  I hate being wasteful, especially with food, so on Fridays I use the oldest ingredients in my refrigerator / pantry.

Self-Care Saturday: self-explanatory

Seafood Sunday:  also self-explanatory (and cheating.  Dave and I have done seafood on Sunday for years).

Okay, what does this have to do with fire?  Not much. Other than to point out that I am a rule following fanatic at times.  

My other focus for the new year was running.  I know that I am not fit right now, and I want to do everything in my power to achieve my goals in May.  The number one thing I have been lacking since April is consistency, which hasn’t exactly been in my control.  As I was looking over the upcoming months, I made notes of how many miles I would like hit each week, how that would stack up against previous years, etc.

Fatal Error.

Two and a half weeks ago, I was out for a long run (18 miles, longest in quite a few months) and my hamstring tightened up towards the end, probably due to the ice and snow. Whatever, not a big deal.  Well, it turned out to be a decent-sized deal that left me cross training (so glad I found a trainer recently, and have Netflix again!).  Last week I only ran a total of 22 miles and had to cross train the rest of what was supposed to be a 75 mile week.  

My first instinct was panic. In fact, my coach received a ton of panicky texts from me.  I’m FINALLY getting my mileage back to where I want, and something dumb happens.  My second instinct was anger.  Why is my body failing me???? (It turns out I wasn’t alone.  Rebecca ran 10 of those miles with me and had the exact same hamstring trouble, so I felt better that my body wasn’t simply rejecting running).  

A month or two ago I wrote a post about all the things that people assumed about me when I was taking time off post-anemia, and how they wrong.  No, I wasn’t mad that I couldn’t run.  No, I wasn’t struggling not to run, etc.  Well, all of that bit me in the ass this week.  I was cranky, rage-y, and jealous of everyone out running.  I was crosstraining like crazy (something I rarely do).  I was irrationally mad at every person who posted a PR at the many fast races that happened over the weekend.  I drove myself crazy.

On the one hand, the return of this fire is such a good sign.  I’m ready to compete again.   I have the motivation to once more push my body to its limits before giving it a short reprieve and asking it to heal all the damage sustained during the winter and spring and perform its very best on race day.

But, that fire is a double edged sword.  Fire also menas a return of  my overly competitiveness, and making a conscious effort every day to remind myself to calm the fuck down.  

I was reading an interesting/terrifying article a few months back about psychopathic children. Psychopathic traits are genetic, and part of the reason they have not been removed from the gene pool via natural selection is that they can be good in small doses.  For instance, a surgeon needs to be cold and unfeeling when performing surgery.  Sometimes, however, a kid doesn’t win the genetic lottery and winds up more Jeffrey Dahmer than Doogie Howser (fun fact #37 of this post, my house in Milwaukee was only a couple blocks from where Jeffrey Dahmer committed his crimes).  

I often wonder if my innate fire is half psychopathic.  I forget sometimes that not everyone quits their career path to follow big dreams that have no guaranteed payout and 100% chance of pain, both emotional and physical.  It’s not even a question 48 weeks out of the year whether I want to have another beer or go to bed; whether I want to run every day or procrastinate until the end of eternity; whether or not I will eat my kale; whether or not I will train hard for a goal I want to accomplish years from now.  The fact that I have zero real obligations everyday and still train full time is nothing short of a miracle.  I have never been able to focus on anything the way that I have been able to focus on running.  

So, that usually means I need to come up with creative ways to redirect the flames.  Sometimes that means journaling my frustrations or writing in my blog.  Sometimes it means coming face to face with how out of shape I am and focusing the fire towards making better choices.  Sometimes when I’m trying to take a nap I stew over the things I have not yet accomplished, the things that I thought I would have achieved by now.  In this moment I think to myself, “yes.  There is such thing as too much fire.”  But, then I remind myself (usually in list form) that there are things I can control, and things I cannot.  If there is anything I have learned, it is that perseverance trumps just about everything else in running.  

I’ve already fallen off the consistency measure that I was hoping for in January with my low mileage week last week and cautious build this week.  I’m forcing myself to embrace flexibility, which means I’m becoming well acquainted with my bike in the basement.  My hamstring is feeling good again and I’m feeling a little bit silly that a couple days off had me plotting the changes I would have to make to my racing season.  I’ve relegated myself to the treadmill just to make sure I don’t strain my hammy with the snow and ice that is currently on the ground, just to be safe.  I’m hoping for an outdoor run on Friday.  If anything, the coals have been stoked because let’s be real:  there is nothing like a little setback to remind you just how hot your fire burns.

[terrible-tentacle-theatre]

The Bestiary Revamped: Bobbit Worm

Disclaimer: While this article is founded in scientific fact, it contains hyberbole and conscious exaggerations for the sake of comedy. Do not take my ramblings at face value. You can find the sources at the end of the article and tools for scientific fact-checking under the “Learn more” link on my blog.

The old article can be read here.

(Note: While writing this article, I was listening to the Final Fantasy IV boss battle theme.)

(Okay, so. Anyway.)

Of all the phyla of animal life, you’d be hard-pressed to find any that is more prominent in the public conscious as the epitome of harmless, pathetic, and ultimately boring animals than annelids.

I mean, what else, would you call a taxon that’s most famous member looks like this?

Wow. Fascinating.

Let’s be honest: earthworms aren’t the most exciting animals, to put it mildly.  It’s truly difficult to imagine any more generic a creature than a tube of pasty and easily smearable flesh writhing on wet pavement after a light rain.

However, you might want to be careful when talking trash about earthworms and their fellow annelids. These pathetic all-organic homegrown noodles are essential to the circle of matter, and if they get fed up with your disrespectful shit they can just up and ditch the whole detritivorous routine, leaving you, and you personally, to literally eat dirt in their place. Be respectful to earthworms because they deal with all of the shit you don’t want to deal with, both metaphorically and in a literal sense.

But if that isn’t enough to convince you that you shouldn’t diss earthworms (in which case you’re probably an asshole to begin with), consider the following: if they can’t take more of your racist bull, they can tell on you to their big strong cousin. And pray to whatever transcendent being(s) you believe in that doesn’t happen. You do not want that to go down.

Why?

Simple.

Turns out, the ranks of the annelids apparently include the fucking Sarlacc.

*unholy screaming*

Meet the bobbit worm (Eunice aphroditois), the newest resident of your recurring nightmares. Who knew that the cousin of the lowly earthworm is a vicious mashup of one of those bendy rainbow pencils and Shai-Hulud that also happens to eat happy thoughts for breakfast? Standing at a maximum length of roughly three goddamn meters, this lethal length of rope will shear anything with the balls and/or the stupidity to approach it in half and look fabulous with its iridescent cuticle the whole time. That is no exaggeration, as you will soon come to see.

This terrible killer rainbow was discovered in 1788 by a German naturalist called Peter Simon Pallas. Imagine hopping on a boat in the late 18th century, in a time when most people still believed in the existence of a good and loving God, and finding this. Imagine his reaction.

Actually, you don’t have to, because we have his portrait and you can see his empty-eyed stare shining through. “Scarred for life” doesn’t even begin covering this bullshit.

Seriously, look into his eyes. Dude’s dead inside.

Sweet lord have mercy. This guy is the real reason why you don’t talk shit about annelids. You can boast about being  “the most intelligent creature on Earth”  and “the crown of creation” and blah blah blah. Fat load of good it’s gonna do ya against a 10-feet-long rainbow death worm with spring-loaded jagged mandibles quite literally the size of your middle fingers.

Crown this.

And guess what - that worm is fucking pissed at you. You talked trash about its phylum and now you’ll get what’s coming to you. Next time you’ll think twice before you try talking down on annelids.

To better put in perspective why you should soil your pants in fear at this prospect, let’s review the bobbit worm’s life and times, as well as its lovely feeding habits.

Oh boy!

This will be fun.

So, the bobbit worm basically comes to be from the worm jizz and eggs floating around in the ocean. (Keep that in mind next time you go for a nice refreshing swim on the ocean beach.) The fertilized eggs hatch into microscopic little specks called trochophore larvae, which then drift around in the oceanic currents as plankton like a bunch of lazy shits. Fairly humble beginnings for what will soon become the beast that is the bobbit worm. It’s a bit like how Darth Vader used to be a slave on a backwater desert planet as a kid.

Note: this isn’t a bobbit worm trochophore, but that of another polychaete worm (Pomatoceros lamarckii), used here for demonstration. Anyway, they’re difficult to tell apart but one hatches into a harmless tube-building worm and the other a ravenous ten-feet-long predator with a pair of garden shears for a face. Polychaete larvae are like Kinder eggs, Russian roulette edition.

After growing out of its larval stage, a whole lot of completely uninteresting shit happens (mostly the gaining of additional segments), ending with a small mature worm that embeds itself into the seabed in a sufficiently warm and sunny part of the ocean.

What follows next is something right out of Return of the Jedi. What, you thought I was kidding about the Sarlacc?

The bobbit worm spends all day laying low in the seabed, waiting silently, with only the tip of its head sticking out of the sediment. Said head comes equipped with five chemoreceptory tendrils, allowing the worm to “taste” the water around itself. This comes in handy, seeing as it is completely fucking blind and the thought of growing eyes never even crossed it’s mind (which is actually fairly complex for an annelid). It’s like one of those blind sword masters from wuxia movies, except it’s a terrifying giant worm instead.

Aaaaaanyway! If the worm senses anything that “smells” edible, it correctly deduces that it is, in fact, edible. Which logically means that something was stupid enough to approach it without hightailing it out there. Therefore, it becomes a one-worm Darwin Award Committee and does this.

Steppin’ on the beach, do do do doOOOAAAAAARGH

You know, the longer this article gets, the less it feels like this is biology and the more it feels like I’m writing some sort of weird Dune fanfiction.

I feel like I should note that the bobbit worm’s definition of “edible” is amazingly flexible. This fucker will eat anything that comes close to it’s terrifying maw. Crabs, shrimp, fish, worms - anything with or without a pulse is at risk of suddenly being snatched by a horrifying giant worm and swallowed alive to be digested into slurry. If you’re lucky, though, it will miss and only ends up cutting you in half with the sheer force of its strike, completely by accident. Sweet dreams.

Speaking of its digestion, there is absolutely nothing that it cannot break down. It has zero problems wolfing down entire animals twice its width, and one incident involving a bobbit worm sneaking into an aquarium had it shred wire traps furnished with fishing hooks to pieces, then swallowing the hooks and digesting them, followed by eating its way through 20 pounds of fishing wire. I’m pretty sure the next thing to be broken down in its gut will be human civilization. 

And if there’s nothing around to eat, the bobbit worm still firmly refuses to die. It will sustain itself just fine on detritus, algae and tiny little silica-shelled plankton called diatoms who are easily some of the prettiest things in the ocean.

It eats pure aesthetic and turns it into rainbow cuticle and mandibles that can shred any fish to ribbons. The bobbit worm is truly the pastel goth of the ocean.

They also have a nasty habit of occasionally burrowing into rocks when young, and ending up in aquariums in secret. There, being the insidious little assholes that they are, they bury themselves into the sediment and secretly start to munch upon the dumbass utopian fish society inside the aquarium, growing from angry shoelace to technicolor abomination in the process. Often it takes years to notice the bobbit worm hanging out in your aquarium, which is a pretty big feat. Imagine if you had to stay concealed in an glass-walled aquarium for years... while being three to ten feet long and covered in garish rainbow color. This guy could effortlessly drive Naruto out of the colorful ninja business. Enjoy your paranoia next time you buy live rocks for your aquarium.

In D&D, the bobbit worm multiclasses as assassin and barbarian.

Now I hope you understand that being a fish is akin to cosmic horror. Any moment you might be cruelly snatched out of existence by a being that is outside your generally accepted reality (the water) and also happens to be shit-your-pants terrifying and even have tentacles to round out the Lovecraft aesthetic. And they are covered in bristles that cause permanent numbness, just by the way. Just in case they weren’t horrifying enough, Mama Nature’s got you covered.

Oh, and one last thing: they are found in all three oceans.

So anyway, how’s planning that seaside vacation going? Have fun!

Sources:

Encyclopedia of Life (EoL)

Echinoblog

Global Biotic Interactions (GloBI)

Ocean Biogeographic Information System (OBIS)

SCHULZE, Anja. The Bobbit worm dilemma: a case for DNA (Reply to Salazar-Vallejo et al. 2011. Giant Eunicid Polychaetes (Annelida) in shallow tropical and temperate seas. Rev. Biol. Trop. 59-4: 1463-1474)

The Daily Mail

[thesassybooskter]

THE JACKAL by J.R. Ward: Spotlight and Excerpt

NOW AVAILABLE / GALLERY BOOKS

The #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Sinner brings another hot adventure of true love and ultimate sacrifice in the Black Dagger Brotherhood world.

The location of the glymera’s notorious prison camp was lost after the raids. When a freak accident provides Nyx clues to where her sister may still be doing time, she becomes determined to find the secret subterranean labyrinth. Embarking on a journey under the earth, she learns a terrible truth—and meets a male who changes everything forever.

The Jackal has been in the camp for so long he cannot recall anything of the freedom he once knew. Trapped by circumstances out of his control, he helps Nyx because he cannot help himself. After she discovers what happened to her sister, getting her back out becomes a deadly mission for them both.

United by a passion they can’t deny, they work together on an escape plan for Nyx—even though their destiny is to be forever apart. And as the Black Dagger Brotherhood is called upon for help, and Rhage discovers he has a half-brother who’s falsely imprisoned, a devious warden plots the deaths of them all…even the Brothers.

  Buy Online: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Apple Books

Add to Goodreads

  Excerpt

Western New York State, Present Day

 The whole “life is a highway” metaphor was so ubiquitous, so overused, so threadbare and torn-patched, that as Nyx sat in the passenger side of a ten-year-old station wagon, and stared at the moonlit asphalt trail cutting through brush and bramble in west-ern New York State, she wasn’t thinking a damn thing about how sim-ilar the course of roads and lives could be: You could get sweet-sailing easy declines of coasting. Bad, bumpy, rough patches that rattled your teeth. Uphill hauls that you thought would never end. Bored stretches between far-apart exits.

And then there were the obstacles, the ones that came from out of nowhere and carried you so far off your planned trip that you ended up in a completely different place.

Some of these, both in the analogy and in fact, had four legs and a kid named Bambi.

“Watch out!” she yelled as she clapped a hand on the steering wheel and took control.

Too late. Over the screeching of tires, the impact was sickeningly soft, the kind of thing that happened when steel hit flesh, and her sister’s response was to cover her eyes and tuck in her knees.

Not helpful considering Posie was the one with the access to the brake pedal. But also completely in character.

The station wagon, being an inanimate object set into motion, had no brain of its own, but plenty of motivation from the sixty-two miles an hour they’d been going. As such, the old Volvo went bucking bronco as they left the rural byway, its stiff, cumbersome body heaving into a series of hill-and-dale dance moves that had Nyx hitting her head on the padded roof even though she was belted in.

The headlights strobed what was in front of the car, the beams point-and-shooting in whatever direction and angle the front grille hap-pened to be thrown in. For the most part, there was just a leafy morass of bushes, the green, spongy territory a far better outcome than she would have predicted.

That all changed.

Like a creature rising out of the depths of a lake, something brown, thick, and vertical was teased in the verdant light show, disappearing and reappearing as the shafts of illumination willy’d-their-nilly around.

Oh, shit. It was a tree. And not only was the arboreal hard-stop an immovable object, it was as if a steel crank-chain ran between its thick trunk and the undercarriage of the station wagon.

If you’d steered for a collision course, you couldn’t have done a better job.

Inevitable covered it.

Nyx’s only thought was for her sister. Posie was braced in the driv-er’s seat, her arms straight out, fingers splayed, like she was going to try to push the tree away—

The impact was like being punched all over the body, and there must have been a crunch of metal meeting wood, but with the airbags deploy-ing and the ringing in Nyx’s ears, she couldn’t hear much. Couldn’t breathe well. Couldn’t seem to see.

Hissing. Dripping. Burned rubber and something chemical.

Someone was coughing. Her? She couldn’t be sure.

“Posie?”

“I’m okay, I’m okay . . .”

Nyx rubbed her stinging eyes and coughed. Fumbling for the door, she popped the release and shoved hard against some kind of resistance. “I’m coming around to help you.”

Assuming she could get out of the damn car.

Putting her shoulder into the effort, she forced the door through something fluffy and green, and the payback was that the bush barged in, expanding into the car like a dog that wanted to sniff around.

She fell out of her seat and rolled onto the scruff. All-four’ing it for a spell, she managed to get up on to her feet and steady herself on the roof as she went around to the driver’s side. Peeling open Posie’s door, she released the seat belt.

“I got you,” she grunted as she dragged her sister out.

Propping Posie against the car, she cleared the blond hair back from those soft features. No blood. No glass in the perfect skin. Nose was still straight as a pin.

“You’re okay,” Nyx announced.

“What about the deer?”

Nyx kept the curses to herself. They were about ten miles from home, and what mattered was whether the car was drivable. No offense to Mother Nature and animal-lovers anywhere, but that four-legged scourge of the interstate was low on her list of priorities.

Stumbling to the front, she shook her head at the damage. A good two feet of the hood—and, therefore, engine—was compressed around a trunk that had all the flexibility of an I beam, and she was hardly an automotive expert, but that had to be incompatible with vroom-vroom, home safe.

“Shit,” she breathed.

“What about the deer?”

Closing her eyes, she reminded herself about the birth order. She was the older, responsible one, black-haired and brusque like their father had been. Posie was the blond, good-hearted youngest, who had all the warmth and sunny nature that their mahmen had possessed.

And the middle?

She couldn’t go down the Janelle rabbit hole right now.

Back over at her open door, Nyx leaned in and moved the deflated airbag out of the way. Where was her phone? She’d put it in a cupholder after she’d texted their grandfather as they’d left Hannaford. Great. Nowhere to be found—

“Thank God.”

Bracing her hand on the seat, she went down into the wheel well. And got a palm full of bad news.

The screen was cracked and the unit dark. When she tried to fire the thing up, it was a no go. Straightening, she looked over the ruined hood. “Posie, where is your—”

“What?” Her sister was focused on the road that was a good fifty yards away, her stick-straight hair tangled down her back. “Huh?”

“Your phone. Where is it?”

Posie glanced over her shoulder. “I left it at home. You had yours, so I just, you know.”

“You need to dematerialize back to the farmhouse. Tell grandfather to bring the tow truck and-”

“I’m not leaving here until we take care of that deer.”

“Posie, there are too many humans around here and—”

“It’s suffering!” Tears glistened. “And just because it’s an animal doesn’t mean its life doesn’t matter.”

“Fuck the deer.” Nyx glared across the steaming mess. “We need to solve this problem now—”

“I’m not leaving until—”

“—because we have two hundred dollars of groceries melting in the back. We can’t afford to lose a week’s worth of—”

“—we take care of that poor animal.”

Nyx swung her eyes away from her sister, the crash, the crap she had to fix so goddamn Posie could continue to give her heart out to the world and worry about things other than how to pay the rent, keep food on the table, and make sure they had such exotic luxuries as electricity and running water.

When she trusted herself to look back without hurling a bunch of be-practical f-bombs at her fricking sister, she saw absolutely no change in Posie’s resolve. And this was the problem. A sweet nature, yes. That annoying, bleeding-heart, emphatic bullcrap, yes. Iron will? When it came it down to it, boatloads.

That female was not budging on the deer thing.

Nyx threw up her hands and cursed—loudly.

Back in the car. Opening the glove box. Taking out the nine milli-meter handgun she kept there for emergencies.

As she came around the rear of the station wagon, she eyed the re-usable grocery bags. They were crammed up against the bench seat as a result of the crash, and it was a good news/bad news situation. Any-thing breakable was done for, but at least the cold items were clois-tered together, united in a fight against the eighty-degree August night.

“Oh, thank you, Nyx.” Posie clasped her hands under her chin like she was doing a devotional. “We’ll help the—wait, what are you doing with the gun?”

Nyx didn’t stop as she passed by, so Posie grabbed her arm. “Why do you have the gun?”

“What do you think I’m going to do to the damn thing? Give it CPR?”

“No! We need to help it—”

Nyx put her face into her sister’s and spoke in a dead tone. “If it’s suffering, I’m going to put it down. It’s the right thing to do. That is the way I will help that animal.”

Posie’s hands went to her face, pressing into cheeks that had gone pale. “It’s my fault. I hit the deer.”

“It was an accident.” Nyx turned her sister around to face the station wagon. “Stay here and don’t look. I’ll take care of it.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt the—”

“You’re the last person on the planet who’d intentionally hurt any-thing. Now stay the hell here.”

The sound of Posie softly crying escorted Nyx back toward the road. Following the tire gouges in the dirt and the ruined foliage, she found the deer about fifteen feet away from where they’d veered off—

Nyx stopped dead in her tracks. Blinked a couple of times. Considered vomiting.

It wasn’t a deer.

Those were arms. And legs. Thin ones, granted, and covered with mud-colored clothes that were in rags. But nothing about what had been struck was animal in nature. Worse? The scent of the blood that had been spilled was not human.

It was a vampire.

They’d hit one of their own.

Nyx ran over to the body, put the gun away, and knelt down. “Are you okay?”

Dumbass question. But the sound of her voice roused the injured, a horrific and horrified face turning up to her.

It was a male. A pretrans male. And oh, God, the whites of both his eyes had gone red, although she couldn’t tell whether it was because of the blood running down his face or some kind of internal brain injury. What was clear? He was dying.

“Help . . . me . . .” The thin reedy voice was, interrupted by weak coughing. “Out of . . . prison . . . hide me . . .”

“Nyx?” Posie called out. “What’s happening?”

For a split second, Nyx couldn’t think. No, that was a lie. She was thinking, just not about the car, the groceries, the kid who was dying, or her hysterical sister.

“Where,” Nyx said urgently. “Where’s the camp?”

Maybe after all these years . . . she could find out where Janelle had been taken.

This had to be Fate.

  THE JACKAL by J.R. Ward: Spotlight and Excerpt was originally published on The Sassy Bookster