#and also waht the fuck the doors thing is all about

[sbeana]

im so normal about them

[solangelo-is-godsdam-kjut]

tw: sh

We know what can happen if your tortured too long with crucio. We've seen what happend to Alice and Frank. and you're telling me, the only mental problems Sirius had where his attachment, some self hate and some depression? Nah.

my poor boy is mentally completely broken. Sirius is bipolar with a lot of deep lows, has ptsd, night terrors, a problem with sh and is hypersexual because being with someone gives him the feeling of being wanted.

don't imgine young Sirius accidentally hurting himself when picking up a broken glass after his mother tortured him and the pain matching his inner one so he started to switch from hitting himself during mental breakdowns to cutting himself whenever he couldn't handle things anymore.

don't imagine young Sirius trying to figure out a placement for his cuts because if his parents found out he'd be dead and also waht if Reg saw them and thought it would be a good idea?

don't imgine Sirius coming back to their dorm after having sex with some random person and locking himself into the bathroom only to break down crying. becuse merlin, he hates himself so much and he just has sex to feel better but it only makes him feel worse because he doesn't actually want to.

don't imagine Sirius finally starting to open up to James after another sexual encounter. he doesn't want to. but he started to trust him and he forgot to lock the door of the bathroom and James came in, worrying about Sirius and comforting him. first he only tells James why he sleeps around so much.

don't imagine James onyly finding out about the self harm because Sirius cut deeper than usual and is scared and doesn't know anyone else to turn to. it's way past midnight and at this point James is his anker, so when he realises what he did and gets scared, he frantically wakes up James, crying and with blood running down his arms. scared that James will tell him he is insane and disgusting because of how broken he is but even more scared for his life.

don't imagine Sirius and Remus starting to date and Sirius being scared of how Remus will react to his own scars, because how fucked up do you have to be, to do that to yourself? especially in comparison to Remus, whose scars stem from something so traumatic as a werewolf transformation?

don't imagine Sirius waking up from a night mare or just going to bed after a ptsd episode and deciding to sleep as a dog because it is a body no one ever laid a finger on. Walburga never tortured him in that form.

wahtever you do, don't imagine Sirius going through all of that.

[rainydayhogwartsimagines]

hi, could you do a draco x muggleborn reader headcanon where he falls in love with her throughout the years in hogwarts and she slowly introduces him into muggle things like tv shows and phones and basically her and hermionie always make fun of him and ron for not understanding !! i love your work btw

oh my God this idea is ADORABLE!

Draco was snooty. God that boy had something to say about everyone. But you saw past that and he became this really sweet guy. You two became these best friends and Draco actually began to hang out with the trio. Course his father was not exactly a big fan of him spending part of the summer at the Weasleys but Narcissa said "Lucius, he's making friends. Be nice." So Lucius sucked it up.

Draco absolutely adored you though and constantly talked about you. He was kind of sad that you never spent the summers in the Wizarding world. You always spent it in the muggle world with Hermione. This year though you spent part of it with the Weasleys before heading back to Hogwarts for your third year. When you walked in Draco was so FUCKING EXCITED. You brought a lot of weird things for Arthur to look at. "what's this?" Arthur asked, holding up a discman and making Harry snort. "It's a cd player." You answered. "... What's a cd?" Ron asked. "....Uhm.... Well crap." You muttered. You showed them what it was and they were mesmerized, along with Draco. You spent most of your time there showing the group different muggle devices. You had a blast, you and Draco spending a ton a time together.

However with the time you two spent together the more in love you two were. The last night you were there you sat outside on the back steps with Draco. "This was the best summer." You chuckled. Draco smiled. "Hey can I ask you something?" He asked. "What's up?" You asked. "...Do you feel like something has changed between us?" He asked. "Oh so you noticed it too! I've been thinking this was just a me thing. If I didn't know any better I'd even say that I--" you stopped yourself and cleared your throat. "what were you saying?"he asked. "N-nothing!" You lied. Draco got closer to your face and you leaned back, quickly turning red. "What were you saying?" He asked, a small smirk coming onto his lips. He knew damn well what was going on. "Drac-Draco I..." You saw that smug look and you squinted. This little shit knew you liked him. So you decided to play around too. You pulled him forward and kissed his nose, now wiping the smug look off of his face and making him blush. But two could play at this game. He kissed your cheek, making you grumble. This fucker was not winning. You gripped his shirt, yanking him forward and kissed him. To be honest, you shocked yourself. He pulled away. "I am so sorry I just got aggravated and--" he kissed you. He actually kissed you.

Well that led to you two dating. He was so happy around you, always smiling with his arm around you. School finally was back so he was seeing you every day. "I don't get it. Why not use a fucking pencil?" You asked. "I don't get that either." Hermione agreed. "It does make math WAY harder." Harry admitted. "What... What's uhm.." Ron struggled to ask. "Yeah, me and Ron are lost, what's a pencil?" Draco asked. "....Baby... Please tell me you're joking. Like PLEASE tell me you jackasses know what a pencil is?" You asked. "No?" Draco admitted. You sighed and got up. "I'm about show you." You said before disappearing. You came back with an unopened pack of pencils. "So this is like a pen. But you can erase your mistakes." You said. "....So it's a pen." Ron said. "No." You said. "So... It's not made for writing?" Draco asked. "no it is!" Hermione corrected. "So.... It's... it's a pen!" Ron said. "NO."

That argument went on for way too long. But you started showing them more. Draco loved seeing you draw though. Sitting under a tree by a lake in his arms as you sketched out a landscape. He finally got the idea of a pencil after watching you btw. But the one thing both boys took interest in was the sports. "Wait so you guys don't even keep up with muggle sports?" Hermione asked. "No. I mean, most wizards keep to careers in the wizarding world." Draco said. "Okay okay. Next summer we're teaching you baseball." You said. "Base... Base what?" Ron asked. "Baseball! Or what about rugby?" Hermione suggested. "We're not trying to break our necks." Harry said. "True. Well there's also hockey." You shrugged. Then a lightbulb practically popped over you. "We can do that this winter!" Hermione said.

And so you did, asking your parents to lend you some skates for the group along with hockey equipment. "Alright. Hockey is like football." You said. "...American or--" "English." Hermione said. "Okay. So why are we on ice?" Ron asked. "Added challenge." You said skating. Draco had never skated before and you chuckled. "you expect us to actually move on this?" He asked. "Darling, people do this all the time!" You said. He slid forward and nearly fell but you grasped his arm.

After teaching them how to skate though you taught them how to play. And oh boy you all got really into it. You stood by as a ref, watching them play nearly dying of laughter as Ron completely failed to understand how to be a goalie. As time passed you started teaching them more and more. "Dad is hellbent on knowing what the purpose of a rubber duck is." Ron said. "...I think that's just to make bathing fun." You shrugged. "But why? It's bathing." Draco asked. "Muggles are particularly boring and find enjoyment in yellow plastic ducks." Hermione answered. "That and star wars." You laughed. "...Star... What?" Ron asked. ".....We have failed as their friends." Harry said. "But they're not even that good--" you and Harry have Hermione horrified looks. "....Okay we'll show them!" She said. So that summer Draco managed to convinced his parents to let him stay with you with Ron, Harry and Hermione. You opened the door and Draco rose a brow. "....What in the world?" He asked looking at the tv in the livingroom. "this is a tv. A blessing to humanity." You said. "Amen to that." Harry nodded. You all watched the star wars movies. "DARTH IS WHAT!?" Draco gaped. "HOW-- WHAT!?" "OH MY GOD HE'S ANAKIN!?" Ron gaped. You were honestly just watching the boys' reaction. Your parents were just looking at them like "Have they never... Seen this before?"

When the movie ended Draco's mouth was open and Ron swallowed. "That was--" "Wicked." Ron said making you laugh. "So... they don't have television in the wizarding world?" Your dad asked. "No sir." Harry said. "So... how do you pass the time?" Your mom asked. "Quidditch." All of you said in unison. You did show them baseball, Draco being REALLY good at it actually. "Babe, you run!" You said. "What--" "DRACO. RUN. OVER HERE." Hermione said. He sprinted to first and you snorted. They were absolutely baffled by a gameboy. "What the hell is a Pikachu?" Ron asked. "Think thunderbird but cuter." You said showing him the Pokemon. But by far their favorite thing... Was doctor who. ThEY ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS SHOW. "THIS IS THE PEAK OF TV CHANGE MY MIND." Draco said after watching an episode. K9 was literally his favorite character. Ron just loved the Doctor as a whole. Your boyfriend... Christ he became such a fucking nerd.

But he was also very interested in cameras. You showed him some cameras like the polaroid and he loved taking pictures. Specifically of you. You loved it when he discovered more music for the discman. He was a really big fan of the Beatles actually. Harry listened to AC/DC After Sirius was like "kid you haven't lived till you heard back in black okay?" You loved to just sit in your room and read in draco's arms. There was a surprising lack of musical instruments in the wizarding world so when you admitted that you could play guitar that kind of blew their minds. See, the thing was is that they assumed that the instruments had to be enchanted in order to make music. Not that you had to be trained to play music. You played a couple of songs and Draco fell even harder for you. He loved listening to your voice, whether it was singing or talking he just loved listening to you. You actually taught Draco how to play and discovered he had a nice voice (Yes that is a subtle nod to Tom Felton who can actually sing.) Sometimes when you all would sleep in the living room Draco would sing you to sleep as you laid on his chest. Of course in the process you would lull everybody else to sleep. You spent years showing these too adorable goofballs muggle devices.

Later when you were seventeen came the ultimate Muggle lesson though. Cars. You decided to teach these two jackasses how to drive. You had gotten your license and decided to teach Draco how to drive. "So you're going to release your foot off the break--" "Oh God we're moving." Draco whined. "....Like not even one mile per hour. Now accelerate. Remember the gas?" You asked. "Yes.... Darling do we need to go faster than this!?" He asked. ".... Hermione can outwalk the car. Yes. Now accelerate!" You said. He tapped the gas and screamed when he moved making you snort. "Do you remember where the break is?" You asked. "I NEED A BREAK." he whined making you laugh. "Draco you're doing fine. Move forward." You said. "WE HAVE TO DO MORE!?" He asked.

Ron actually wasn't that bad. He wasn't as panicked driving the car and understood the process compared to Draco who ended up hyperventilating into a paper bag. "Babe... It wasn't even that bad." You said. "THEN YOU DRIVE BECAUSE THAT THING IS A DEATH TRAP!" he said. ".....Guys, wanna go to the mall!?" You asked with a slightly deranged look. So you drove and when you went past five miles Draco was flipping out. "WAHT THE FACK!?" Draco screamed. Everyone was dying of laughter after you all got out. "THIS IS MADDENING! WHY!? WHY DRIVE!? WHAT DO YOU GAIN!?" Draco asked. "if he's being this dramatic over a car wait till he finds out about a soft pretzel from the food court." Hermione said to you. The concept of a soft pretzel was hysterical to watch the two wizards try to grasp. "Yes, but pretzels aren't supposed to be soft." Ron said. "would you just eat the damn thing?" Hermione said. It was their favorite snack. "How dare they deprive us of this?" Draco asked. "fascist bastards." Ron muttered.

[dianaburnwood]

HITMAN 3: First Impressions

This post is full of SPOILERS. Also, it is LONG, so.... yeah. Be prepared lol 

HITMAN 3. Also known as: Diana’s Game. 

Dear GOD I am in love. 

I’m going to do my best to make this coherent. But. I am still freaking out. And I have SO much more to explore!!!! This won’t be very in-depth because I played each map exactly once so far. There’s so much left to see, conversations to overhear, opportunities to exploit - but, I DO have some first impressions, oh hell yes. 

Menu: 

That menu music!!! I was not expecting that at all. It was a mix of choral and classical with previous themes intertwined, and it reminded me of Blood Money. Speaking of Blood Money, this game is Blood Money. 

Dubai: 

Very, very beautiful. Kinda thought Grey made it all about himself lol of course he wanted to say “in your face” to the partners, but it was like 47 was just there to pull the trigger, like he’d not been hurt by them too. But, I really liked it. Trapping them in a room and watching them freak while Grey watched me kill them?? Helloo??? Popping off HARD from the start and I love it.

So - here’s the thing. I don’t get the timing. Diana tells them then that Edwards escaped. Did he escape just before the boys got to Dubai? Or were they unavailable to reach until then? It seems that the message Grey got at the end of HAVEN was after Olivia hacked the HAVEN servers, and then the boys were out of reach so after Diana discovered Edwards was gone, she couldn’t tell them until Dubai? And it was shown to us in a different order to leave us hanging? I dunno. Maybe? It seems weird. 

THE CUTSCENE here omg - once again establishing that 47 and Diana are ride or die. “Diana will make it right, she always does” - BABE. BABE. SWEET BOY. His little face when Grey doesn’t trust Diana. OMGGG.

Dartmoor: 

I went the murder mystery route, of course. I figured it was Emma from her conversation with her husband, but I got all the clues after just to be sure. Can’t believe Carlisle just handed 47 the file on Edwards and then went out alone on the balcony like I wasn’t gonna kill her??? Bitch????? do you forget who i am?????? Anyway, the murder mystery was SO much fun, but I can’t wait to infiltrate this manor in other ways. Lots of Beldingford vibes here.

THE CUTSCENE bdsfgafhlsjfah WAHT????? Ok so HOW did Edwards know where they were? And - ok, so it made for an amazing scene, but Grey is a badass. He is a mercenary genius that duped the ICA and brought Providence to its knees. How did he get himself surrounded in the woods by CICADA? But he did, and it was beautiful, and he literally only shot himself to save 47, and the LOOK in 47′s eyes on his balaclava face - I just bfjKSFasad. I can’t believe he died so early tho. I was very sure he’d die somehow, but SO early. WOW. 

Berlin:

fucking hell. Berlin. fuck. fucckkkk. 

I wanna shout out to Mini (not gonna tag you in case you’re avoiding spoilers) but hot damn girl if you’re reading you were BANG ON about 47 wearing Grey’s coat. I really didn’t think it was his. It was. It is such a beautiful way for 47 to express his emotions about this death without actually saying anything. Omg. It was perfection. I’m crying thinking about it.

BERLIN was where this game really upped its... game. Like WOW. 5 targets, and it’s the ICA. Clearly Edwards went to the ICA board at this stage and was like uhhhh so you need to take these ppl out. HOWEVER I am amazed that the ICA is like “oh, ok”. DO you not remember what happened in SOUTH DAKOTA. 

But going after the ICA is a fucking trip and I love it. I love how 47 says each agent’s name to himself. I love how he listens in and the team handler realises it. I love how she pulls the rest of her team out once you get 5. I love that the ICA agents use disguises too!!! This is truly APEX PREDATOR and I love that they named it that. Y’all think you have the balls to go up against 47??? bitch?????

But the fact that you have to find the targets and none of them are marked is so fantastic. I found 6, but I have no idea how many are actually available - but I’m gonna find out!!! The club is HUGE as well, and lots of throwbacks to Contracts, especially with the biker gang. Amazing. Amazing level. I’m so excited to replay it. 

Also they really addressed the elephant in the room with the ICA agents describing 47 as a caucasian male, bald, average height and ppl being like uh that’s every man here, and then he said yeah but he’s got this big tattoo lmao 

Chongqing

ok this is where I started to think this game was my fanfiction. Inside the ICA? Showing off how truly international it is, and high tech. Hidden in plain sight. Ready to dismantle in 12 hours if needed. SO perfect. This lore builds on Absolution and Blood Money ICA lore in wonderful ways. 

Also, I don’t know why the IOI and DK of the logo looked different in the trailer, they must have been just hard to make out. Cos in the game, the ICA logo is the same as all previous games. 

Also, analysts do client vetting? Intrigue. Always assumed that was part of the handlers’ job. I take it all back Diana, you have never done anything wrong in your life, ever 

I killed Royce by firing the ppl she recommended so she’d get trapped in the data core cleaning. I killed Hush (what a name I love it) as his patient. 

Working with Olivia is really fun. I missed Diana, but Olivia brought a whole fresh perspective. I also really like how neither Grey nor Olivia are as good as Diana - they both fucked up while guiding 47 at least once. 

47 saying “...I will leave you to prepare” to Olivia, I yelled fdagsfa

Also I love how 47 decided to expose the ICA exactly like Diana did in Absolution. Those two. One of a kind. My heart. And his desire to protect her. I love that the files showed their start together. Olivia saying “I can see why you...” and then she stopped herself. We all KNOW what she was gonna say. 

AND AND AND AND 

the cutscene - I screamed

“47 has one weakness. Me.” 

I swear to fucking GOD, IO has seen into my soul. I’ve said all along that Diana is 47′s weakness, and he is hers. But to hear it said, aloud, by my girl? WHAT???!!!!!

Mendoza

Ok. OK. OKKKKKK. OK. I can’t even write about this one. This was where I was pretty sure I was hallucinating the entire level. This is my Diana and 47 dreams come true. This is insane. This is EVERYTHING.

So we have OUR MOMENT IN THE SUN. She puts her HAND on HIS HAND and he looks in fucking wonderment at it. ahugarhiewEG;FEJGHEFlejlhsgfes;gjrsgt. I can’t. I can barely get through writing about this. 

Diana - the dress, the Jolie thigh slit, the jewellery, the hair (they finally fixed her fucking hair), SASS. “I have tango fever” omg. 

How do these ppl not have a pic of 47 by now lol 

I followed Diana and Vidal around cos I was entranced by my girl. Diana was fucking amazing each time. So much sass. Little did I know I interrupted them enough times for Vidal to say “ok son let’s talk”. I saw the tango and I was like omg imagine if I could dance with Diana. 

well.

WELL. 

Anyway, got to kill Vidal via her own setup for me, and that was amazing. I wasn’t expecting it at all. I snuck into the house to kill Yates, and overheard him calling Edwards’ voicemail. Also, it is April 2021?? So, yeah. My previous dates were way wrong lol. 

And then, ALL MY DREAMS CAME TRUE. Diana and 47 fucking dancing the tango? I was pissed that I was in a security guard outfit, next time I play he will be in his tuxedo baby. 

Diana’s comments to 47 when he’s in disguise tho, I was freaking. As security “you look like a true professional. I feel so much safer with you gentlemen around” aaahhhh

UH HE FELL TO THE GROUND COS OF POISON fngjfagfljgnsdfa

I am so glad I was right about my baby girl tho. She even told him “you didn’t have a choice” about her parents. Good. I’m so glad I was right about that. But omg it broke my heart to have 47 so, SO, SOOO sure of Diana all along, defending her to Grey and Olivia, knowing, KNOWING that she was on his side, and then, he eventually started to doubt it. 

I was screaming at my screen - this is BLOOD MONEY! SHe is doing what she did in BLOOD MONEY!!!!

But, for a second, 47 wasn’t sure anymore. And Diana played her part well. 

Carpathian Mountains

Ok, what I love most about Contracts was how it gave us an insight into 47′s psyche, and this game upped that tenfold. Him seeing all his targets surround him? Him imagining Diana and the Constant dancing together? Him imagining her say terrible things about him, things he’s thought about himself deep down, always, omg, but he finally snapped out of it. Ironic that thinking about Grey snapped him out of it, when in life Grey had not trusted Diana. But 47 came to the realisation on his own. Diana would never betray him. 

opening that door and finding out you’re on a fucking train?????? I screamed. 

I am a bit disappointed that it turned out Romania wasn’t significant, they just happened to be passing through. But omg the fact that you are “subject 47″ again. I freaked. This is 47′s worst nightmare. 

I love that you have a free pass to kill everyone in this level. I did it in stealth anyway, cos it felt wonderfully tense to sneak through that train. But wow. This is another BIG risk that IO took. The train was straight out of Uncharted, and crafting a silencer for your pistol??? Hello The Last of Us????? But I don’t care. They used those elements super well. 

I think some people will be angry at this game because parts of it (especially the last level) were a departure from how HITMAN and HITMAN 2 worked. But I love it. I love that they took risks to tell the story they wanted to tell, and those risks paid off. 

47′s undying loyalty to Diana, omg. Telling Edwards bye bitch, I’ll never forget who I am again, and Diana thinks you suck. <3<3<3<3<3

ENDING

OH MY GOD. ONE YEAR LATER????? 47 obviously took some time off cos he fucking needed a break. But he’s back, baby. Ending on “it’s good to be back” was wonderful. The game ended where the 2015 trailer for HITMAN started, and I’m crying. He’s ready to continue with Diana, and not because it’s what he was made to do, not because he doesn’t know what else to do, but finally, because he CHOOSES to do that. 

But one year later? What does that mean? Has Diana rebuilt the ICA like in Blood Money, or will she and 47 work together without anyone else? They’ll need the infrastructure that an organisation like the ICA has though. Diana said she would dismantle Providence from the top down once Edwards was gone, but how? Does that mean dismantling what’s left of the ICA? They were one and the same by the end of the game. All that didn’t just disappear. I’m left with so many questions. 

I was disappointed Diana wasn’t in the cabin when 47 got there. And I wonder why she wasn’t. She knew he was coming, but they are clearly still on good terms. Maybe she wasn’t sure what to expect. But does that mean they hadn’t spoken in a year since??? But she didn’t sound surprised to hear him, and he had coordinates that he was following, so I think they arranged to meet. But her phone was in there when he arrived, and she wasn’t. Maybe he was tracking her phone? Did she come back there to him after????? 

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT 

the game 

ended

with 47

smiling 

And for that I will be forever grateful. 

Ok bye, I need to play it again. RIP work tomorrow lol 

[yikesharringrove]

Happy Trans Billy Week!

Day 3: Bakery/Chef!au

@transbillyhargrove @blurbwitch

Harringrove

-

BIlly is ftm, Stevie is mtf

-

“At least just try her stuff. She’s really good!”

Robin was trying to sell Billy on her friend, again.

He had been working his ass off opening this cafe, had been interviewing professional bakers around the city for it. And Robin wanted him to hire her friend. Who baked for fun.

“And she’ll work in house! You would just have to pay her a salary, not give her a cut of everything sold.” Billy rolled his eyes.

“But then I would have to buy all the shit for her to bake everything.”

“But you’ll make bank on her stuff. She makes these little doughnut things, but they’re double fried and made with like, puff pastry.

“So not a doughnut at all.” She slapped his chest.

“Fuck you. People would pay like, five whole dollars for one ‘a those. At least just try.”

“Fine. Have her bring me some samples of stuff on Monday. I want cookies, coffee cakes, specialty pastries, crossiants, and whatever that not-doughnut thing is.” Robin grinned at him.

-

Robin came in on Monday trying to awkwardly bring a giant box into the cafe.

“Stevie couldn’t make it. She had a doctor’s appointment or something. But anyway, here’s what you asked for.” She placed it down on a table, pointing at everything.

“So she made chocolate chip cookies, gingersnaps, snickerdoodles, and teas cookies, croissants, coffee cake, carrot cake, chese cake, that doughnutty-thing, actual doughnuts, brownies and lemon bars. I think she didn’t sleep for like, four days.”

Billy was impressed. It was a good spread.

“She also made me bring a loaf of sourdough in case you’re doing like, toast stuff. I said you weren’t, but I think she feels bad for not being here.”

They tried everything.

And unfortunately, is was all fucking delicious.

“Fine. She’s fucking hired.” Billy made a list of everything he wanted to sell, thought maybe the delicious not-doughnuts could be a bit of a speicality, new flavors every week. “I’ll need a comprehensive list of ingredients, and she’ll probably have to check out the set up we got here.”

Billy hadn’t really wanted an in-house baker, but he hadn’t ripped out the ovens, proving drawers, coolers and counters in the back, so he supposed it would work out okay.

“And tell her I want an in person meeting within the next few days.”

-

Billy was scrubbing out one of the ovens in the back when he heard the bell above the door.

“Sorry, we’re closed,” He called.

“Um, I’m Stevie Harrington? I’m Robin’s baker friend? You said I should come see the space?” Billy got up with a groan, stretching until his back popped.

“You tellin’ me, or askin’.” He pushed open the back door, smirking at the girl standing on the other side of his counter. She was tall, had much fucking dark hair, falling almost to her ass and big round eyes.

“Telling. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here yesterday. That appointment was important. Billy shrugged. “I have a list of ingredients for you. I figured how many of each item per day, and broke it up into waht I would need weekly and monthly, since I don’t know how you’re planning on ordering everything.” Billy nodded at the neat handwriting.

“Your stuff was good. I was thinking for those double fried things, we could do a new flavor every week. Make them a bit of a specialty.” Her cheeks went a little pink.

“Thank you. I’m so glad you liked everything, and decidded to give me this opportunity.” He smiled at her.

“You’re talented. Come see what I got.” She followed him to the back, her eyes going wide as she looked at the industrial ovens. “This place was a bakery, so we’ve got everything you should need.” The old owner had passed away, didn’t have anyone to leave the bakery to.

“Oh, this is perfect. When’s opening?”

“We’re four weeks out. I was planning on ripping all this out, so it has to be cleaned, but everything else is ahead of schedule.” Stevie opened an oven, peerinf inside.

“They’re not too gross. The old owners tool good care of everything.” She took of her jacket, was left just in her pretty dark blue dress. “I’ll help you clean.” She smiled at him as she took the cleaning supplies from him, getting to work scrubbing down the oven.

Billy played some music as they worked, chatting lightly to one another.

“So, how’d you end up in Seattle?” Billy had shot straight up here after graduating hisgh school, didn’t want to leave the west coast, but wanted to go somewhere different. Stevie had mentioned being from a small town in the midwest.

“Just kinda needed a fresh start. Robin and I moved out here together about six years ago, now. She went to University of Washington, and I jsut wanted to live somewhere interesting for once. Plus, it’s just better for me here.” Billy nodded.

“Me too.” She smiled at him. She had put her dark hair into a messy bun to keep it out of her face, and Billy had gotten her an apron to keep her dress neat.

“What made you want to open a cafe?”

“Well, I mean, it’s Seattle.” She laughed. “But I also just liked the idea of running my own business. Building something from the ground up. And I like the vibe of cafes. They’re just in between places. You can come alone and just hang out.”  Billy had gotten many comfortable mis-matched chairs and placed them amoungst the tables and chairs. He wasnted it to be cozy. He had bookshelves on one wall, thought he could even have a take-a-book-leave-a-book kinda thing goin’ on.

“I think that’s really nice.”

-

Stevie started coming over everyday to help him clean out the kitchen. Somteims she would drag Robin, but more often than not, it was just the two of them, scrubbing everything out, listening to music and talking about random things.

But one day Stevie didn’t come in, didn’t call Billy to let him know, didn’t send Robin with a message.

Billy thought he was frustrated that his employee was missing, but really, he was just worried.

She looked tired the next day when she came in, her hair up in a messy ponytail, was wearing baggy jeans and a sweatshirt.

“I’m so sorry. I promise that will not happen again.” She had gotten right to work.

“Look, I don’t mind if you need personal days, just call me. Let me know.” She nodded at him, her eyes were bright. “Are you okay?” Her lip trembled.

“I’m sorry. I just, sometimes I have such bad days, and I can’t stand to look at myself, and I don’t want anyone else to look at me. And you’re always so nice to me, and I, I didn’t want you looking at me with your pretty eyes. I knew I would fucking fall apart.”

She was kneeling on the floor, fucking crying as she scrubbed at the proving drawer. Her make up was beginning to run just a bit.

Billy grabbed a fw paper towels, sitting down next to her.

“You wanna talk about it?” She shook her head.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.” She wiped at her esys, smudging the dark makeup underneath. He took the paper towel from her hands, wiping up streaked makeup.

He was staring into her big dark eyes, noticed the soft honey gold in them, the forest green.

“Is it okay if I kissed you?” Her gaze dropped to his lips.

“Yeah,” she breathed.

Billy leaned in, kissing her softly, keeping it slow and chaste.

He pulled back, dabbing at her eyes again.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while. I’m sorry, that probably wasn’t the best timing, I just, I really like you.” Her lip trembled.

“The reason, the reason I was feeling so bad yesterday was, was because everytime I speak to my parents on the phone, they call me their son.” She swallowed hard.

“The last time I spoke to my dad, he called me his ungrateful bitch of a daughter. I get it, Stevie. I really do.” Stevie whimpered, another tear slipping out.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t, didn’t know if I could tell you.” He smiled at her, wiping her eyes one last time, kissing her cheek.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to tell anyone anything.” She gave a watery laugh.

“Thank you, for being kind to me.”

“You’re a good person, Stevie. You deserve kindness.” She smiled at him, pulling back to take a deep breath. “And I meant what I said. I really like you. I’d like to take you on a date, if that’s okay.”

She nodded vigorously, ponytail bouncing.

“Oh, yeah! I had the biggest crush on you since I walked in here. I mean, Robin’s been trying to set us up for like, months.” BIlly raised one eyebrow, giving her a lopsided smile.

“Are you serious? Is that why she was so insistent on me trying your stuff?”

“Well, and that fact that I’m a damn good baker.” He laughed. She was grinning as she moved back to scrubbing the drawer. “She’s gonna be so smug. I can already hear her. Stevie, I TOLD you that you would love him. He’s JUST yout type.” Billy grinned iwder.

“And what is your type?”

“Beefy assholes that’re way smarter than me.”

[starburns]

don't rb tw vent ahead really long

WHY did my mother have to come in right when frankie went "im a lesbian"?? she's not even going to talk directly to me she's going to pretend to call my aunt or grandpa or someone and she's going to say something like "yeah...i hear kids today are watching all those harmful ungodly shows. they should start focusing on their studies more and remove all that dirtiness from their minds" (im sort of paraphrasing but she has said something like this). it's kinda funny but it also makes me want to. commit unalive. because like. Come On. for how fucking long do i have to hide. ive been called a lesbian as an insult so many times its been written next to my name behind bathroom doors, in crumpled up paper thrown at me and it has done so much damage to me but still im able to accept the fact that ive never liked men. also she knows it. She knows about the bullying and me being called a lesbian (and other yknow. Variations) and that has just somehow played into it being considered a terrible thing which has affected me some how. like in the s1 ep1 of facts of life, Cindy's plot line. she's sporty, she's close with her friends and blairs like "omg cindy u don't act like a normal girl at all whats up with u hugging and kissing girls all the time" and then Mrs. garrett completely misses the point and is like "u can like sports and be a girl! there is nothing wrong with being close with ur friends we're all family!". like THATS the image my mom has stuck in her head . that being a lesbian is a bad thing its a bad word and that i have been influenced by the eeeevil internet and the eeeeeevil school that is brainwashing me away from God and traditional values and waht not. its almost this very kind of very specific conservatism where u can be a girl and be different and play sports AS LONG AS you still confirm to being cisher and a wife and mother. It's the bullying that i went through really man it ruined everything. it ruined my perception of myself (which i was able to get over but still, it ruined it.) it ruined everyone else's perception of me and mt sexuality and my relationship with just the word lesbian. they're all gonna think it has something to do with it which IT DOESS NOT. but mo one will ever fuckinh listen to me.

[popculturebuffet]

The Color of Friendship Review (Commissioned by WeirdKev27): A World of People

Happy Black History Month! Another day, another comission from longtime supporter of the blog Weird Kev and like a good chunk of his-non duck asks, he asked me for something outside my usual wheelhouse. In the past this has meant an episode of the short lived fox show whoops in which we found out how Santa dealt with the end of the world, didn’t know how doors worked, and interacted with some characters so thin you could remake the episode with just Mick Foley in a santa suit and carboard cutouts playing the characters lines and it’d be about the same, and earlier this month Sorry Wrong Meeting, an episode of a sitcom i’d never seen an episode of the Jeffersons about the KKK. So unsuprisingly his big comission for Black History Month was the 2000 Disney Channel Original Movie, The Color of Friendship. 

I couldn’t find much on the making of the film, which dosen’t entirely suprise me as at the time this came out, Disney was releasing around 10 a year and whlie that stopped shortly, it still was a whopping 6 a year for some time, ocasionally more ocasionaly less, slowly dwindling down to the two of year we have now. Though it’s still an ongoing concern and has been since the channel started in 83, closing in on 40 years ago, so it’s still impressive Disney hasn’t just outright phased them out. Then again the popular ones make them a lot of money and some like High School Musical and the Descendants Trilogies have broken out so big they’ve lead to spinoff books, tv series in the latter’s case, and all that stuff making them money hand over fist. So making some cheap movies that MIGHT end up making them rich and usually star people that are already on shows they have or were at one point is a no loose proposition, especially now they add an extra release to the Disney Plus callender twice a year. And while the library has it’s gaps and i’ve griped about them enough.. I will say it’s stil la damn good library and it’s nice to be able to watch a film like this, as the dvd was LONG out of print and likely horribly expensive, and while renting it was an option, it would’ve chipped into what I got commissioned for the film. Still would’ve done it it just would’ve sucked to loose money on the deal, if only two bucks, for something I had no control over. Still would do that over adding it onto the comission fee. Point is stuff that’s not been easy to get for some time is now just a few clicks or taps of the remote away, and having the VAST majority of disney’s long and storied history from theatrical to dcom to weird tv oddities like.. this thing

I don’t know what Fuzzbucket is, and frankly I don’t want to know.. I mean I will for a comission or something but i’m not going to go out of my way to find out what that thing is and if it can give me scabies through a telvision screen despite being fictional and proabably long dead. At least I tell myself it’s long dead so ic an sleep at night without worrying about that thing breaking into my house and watchnig me while I sleep changing “SOON JACOB, SOON”. So yeah while you’ll hear me complain about the gaps in DIsney Plus’ library a lot on this blog. 

I will give credit where it’s due, and what is on there is pretty expansive and now includes the Muppet Show, which I give them full credit for as that probably took a LOT of work and money to make happen. Plus WandaVision is fucking fantastic, especially now i’m finally all caught up. 

But while as I said I couldn’t find much on the making of the film I did find a bit on it’s inspiration: It was inspried by a short story wrtten by Piper Dellums, a writer, poet and activist, and daughter of Ron Dellums. Dellums is a notable congressman who fought against apartheid and constantly fought for a bill to divest from South Africa, something that SHOCKINGLY, Ronald Regan tried to veto because he was a racist disney anamatronic what did you expect, and all in all seemed pretty awesome. He sued Bush SR to try and prevent Desert Storm, in his earliest days in office had an exibit near his phsyical office of vietnam war crimes to try and hold them acountable and in general seems to be a fascenating, hardworking man who constantly and religiously fought for the people and against war. 

The story was a real life account of the Piper’s experince housing a South African Student, Marie, who the Delums Family expected to be black.. but turned out ot be white. During Apartheid, south africas racist as hell and horrifying goverment system of segregation that wasn’t abolished till the 90′s. As expected she was racist, but as a proudct of the horribly racist country she came from and much like with her fictional counterpart in this film, slowly grew to realize how fucked up her homeland was and by the time she went back, became an activist She and Piper were very close but her story ends tragically as eventually Piper stopped hearing from her after she was arrested and despite attempts to talk to her.. it was clear by the silence, and by the fact Piper visited South Africa post-aparthied to help and likely would’ve seen her.. that she was likely quitely killed by the state. But her story thankfully lives on, so join me under the cut to see how a 20 year old disney movie aired during black history month handles this difficult real life story, racisim and the 70′s. 

The Cast: Quick bit about the cast since I usually do this for first episodes of an animated show and wish i’d done so for my other film reviews so far. Though to keep things simple, i’m only doing the main four cast members, especailly since frankly outside of Mahree’s parents the rest are more supporting roles that don’t have a lot of screen time and in hte case of the south african embassy workers, are just there to be racist card board cutout villians.  Piper, who keeps her name from real life is played by Shadia Simmons, who eventually retired from acting to become a High School and Acting Teacher. During her career she was in a bunch of Disney Channel Original Movies, including the first two Zenon Movies, and was in a major role in a bunch of live action childrens shows: I Was A Sizth Grade Alien, Strange Days at Blake Holsely High, and Life with Derek, the only one of which i’ve seen and even then barely so I can’t comment on the rest of her work. Simmons does a decent job in the film, and does shine in the more dramtic scenes, not the best part of it but certainly not bad at all. 

Lindsay Haun plays Mahree, and had more of an acting career after this one, having a small recurring role on True Blood as Hadley, while also directing some smaller films. Haun is easily one of the two highlights of the movie and the best of the two main tween actresses by a mile. More on that in a bit. 

Next we have Carl Fucking Lumbly as Congressman Ron Dellums. Carl has had a long and storied career and the fucking is because of what I best know him from: Playing the Martian Manhunter Jon Jonzz on Justice League. And let me not undersell it: his version of Jon is waht made me LOVE the character, still do to this day, being the first time I encountered any version of Jon and the one I still love the most, a stoic man who tries to adapt to a world he feels he can never be a part of, adding shades to his stitled demeanour to show off his emtitons and in general being the heart and soul of what made this verison work and made me love the character with his performance. He’s done other stuff too including Cagney and Lacey, Doctor Sleepand what have you.. but he’ll always be Jonn to me and that’s not a bad thing in the slightest. Unsuprisingly he’s the other standout here. 

Finally we have Penny Johnson as Ron’s wife and Piper’s Mother Roscoe,  who played Captain Sisko’s love intrest on Deep Space 9 and was one of the leads on castle. Haven’t seen either of those but she does seem awesome and does a terrific job here. 

Moving on to the film itself.. it’s really fantastic. It has some awkwardness and goofy bollocks as you’d expect from a disney channel original movie in 2000, but it handles a really heavy subject, race relations, gracefully and clearly with the goal of educating an audience with a lot of white kids in it about race. So I can praise what it does right i’m going to be handling the parts that are a bit wobbly first so I can get to the good stuff

Awkwardness and Goofy Bollocks:

First the out and out criticism: The films TV Movie roots show in places, as this film lacks the polish these films would have later this decade, with the film barely having an opening title sequence and just sorta throwing you in, though to their credit it does open with the utterly awesome Back in Love Again, because 70′s. 

That slaps and that’s an undeniable fact. What’s also an undenaible fact is the film dosen’t try the hardest to be very 70′s in it’s sets and what not, though it does do it a little with the clothes and that not being the case with Mahree is intentional, as her family while wealthy is from another culture and one literally and metaphorically behind the times. 

I will also say Shadia Simmons is a decent actress, but is mildly weak in comparison to the other 3 in the leads, but its more the result of putting a pretty standard child sitcom actress up against two experinced actors who know what their doing and one whose about as experinced as her, but simply has a LOT to work with and goes above and beyond. It’s less that she’s bad and more that she’s simply not as good as what’s around her, and in general I tend to go easier on child actors since it’s not an easy job for a grown adult much less a teenager, it’s very pressurey and there’s a reason a LOT of them bottom out as they get older or retire all together. 

I will say though that Piper’s brothers are awful and I feel are only there because she actually had brothers. The actors try, i’m not pinning this on them but writing wise their just two little shits who contirbute ntohing of value to any scene their in, being generally way to young to get into the heavy topic at hand, and mostly being there for unfunny shneanigans. They aren’t in the film too much otherwise they might’ve ruined it for me, but if Shadia struggles a bit agianst sttronge perofrmances imagine who younger actors with the stage direction “Be the bane of my existence” and you’ll MAYBE see the problem. 

The film also loves cheesy time passing montages, including an actual factual shopping montage, easily the goofiest, but it’s something you’d expect from a dcom and helps lighten the mood. That’s a running theme outside the brothers there really isn’t anything too silly.. until the last act.  See in the last act, the film tackles the real life death of Steve Biko, a South African activist against apartheid who was captured by the state and very transparently murdered in jail. with the government claming he killed himself which no one bought because why would they, and it sparked riots worldwide and finally got the US to take Apartheid seriously according to the film. Though as I mentioned earlier Regan did not in case you thought the republican party being terrible and deeply racist was a brand new thing. It was not. Guys like Tucker Carlson and Former President Trump are a symptom, not the disease.. though they certainly look and feel like some form of plauge. Point is Mahree is breifly taken by the embassy.. whose staff who take her feel like the Disney Channel Original Movie form of Nazi’s. The heavy accents, the way they compose themselves... I half expect an elderly indiana jones to show up to whip the piss out of them. And dont’ get me wrong, the only diffrence between these pricks and a nazi is the fact they don’t call themselves nazis, this isn’t a nuanced horrifying racist to be scared of but a saturday morning cartoon version. 

While  white supremacists in real life can be cartoonishly evil, again see trump and carlson, it does kind of undercut the seriousness and nuance of things to have your villians be cold, cackling cutouts who are 5 seconds away from saying “You are part of the rebel alliance and a traitor take her away” to our heroine, especailly since Mahree’s reaction to being taken away and confusion at everything and at being treated like a prisoner by her own people are very painful and very well acted.   I do get showing them as monsters, because they were, but given Mahree’s father who as a south african police man was DEFINTELY ONE and even outside his racisim doubts and downtalks his own daughter, still feels like an actual person, if not a GOOD person, they could’ve done better and did in the same film. 

But that stuff aside.. I really can’t find much that’s honestly that silly or bad and as you can tell what little I did was more a product of being a tv movie. So now i’ve got the negatives out of the way

This Film Is Pretty Good: It truly is, for a lot of reasons. But the biggest is the nuance. It could’ve been easy to just have Maree as some racist kid needing to learn a lesson who was openly cruel and easy to jeer at.. but the film went iwth the reality: that she was instead an extremley privlaged and insulated girl who simply NEVER knew better. To her her very racist and segregated world is just the way the world worked for her and she dosen’t even consider when the Dellums come to pick her up minus Ron these aren’t servants and her own servant’s words fall on deaf ears, as the poor woman tries to make it clear how miserable her life is and how much she deseprately wants this child to do better. Marhee is never actively malicious even when, due to the shock of her all black host family, she baricades herself in Piper’s room. It’s obnoxious sure and CERTAINLY hurtful and the film makes no bones about it and Piper rightfully calls her out on it. The film dosen’t let her get away with any intetnional racisim like that and after Piper calls her out, she realizes she’s been selifsh and makes a genuine effort. And even then the film makes a good choice in not making it an easy road to realization. Mahree makes a genuine effort in the first place not because of any big revelation or anything, but because she simply hears her dad in her head telling her she’d give up after a week and that, coupled with Piper’s words, makes her see herself as a selfish brat. Even after she’s floored by a mall where black and white people stand side by side aand casually talks about horrors like ID Cards like i’ts a GOOD thing, because that’s what she’s been taught by her dad. That black people are happy being told where they can and can’t go when no they weren’t they simply had no chocie in the matter. And while we do see early on when an asshole at a restraunt assaults a waiter for an accident that Mahree clearly isn’t okay with the more horrifying side of things, she still dosen’t quite grasp WHY that happened, simply that it’s something that does reguarly she dosen’t like. It’s excellently, and unsuprisingly called back when they visit an ice cream place in the states and something similar happens.. but the guy takes it in stride, even ordering a sundae, to Maree’s confusion. 

It’s what makes the film work and all the more striking: As Roscoe makes clear to Ron, whose admant about nto having a racist in the house, this is not her fault. While the film makes it clear Mahree’s behavior at first was not okay and her prejudiece is not okay, it also makes it VERY clear she’s a product of a terrible system and terrible parenting from people who choose to benneift from the system instead of challenge it. She’s only like this because she hasn’t had a reason to ever think diffrent and just took her parents at face value and no mater the country, this is something that sadly happens far too often: Someone hating a group or thinking discrimination is okay because that’s how they were taught and that’s all they’ve known and the only way to change that is to challenge that opinon and try to get them to have some empathy and see the other way and as this film shows it’s a struggle.. and at the end of the day while the Dellums make a concentrated effort, Maree is the one who has to realize what her parents taught her is bad and her country is inherently flawed and NEEDS to change, just like ours did, and STILL badly needs to. 

And that’s where the nuance kicks in as the good congressman is understandable in not wanting a racist in his house... but his wife is equally right that Maree is not some easy symbol of his hatred towards south africa, but a girl who grew up knowing nothing more than the fucked up system, and eventually he comes around, realizing , especially after she apologizes for him even thinking she’d use a racial slur on piper after a very powerful conversation with the two and piper accidently saying she used the South African N Word, almost accidently getting her friend thrown out, that she simply hasn’t been outside her shell and gently guides her to keep reading roots, even letting her take it with her if she wants back home. The film shows the full pain of the situation  but also shows change is posisble. Again it’s not easy, Mahree has a panic attack waiting in an almost all black line in school and it’s shown to be as horrible a thought as it is., but she DOES change and it comes off as real, as someone realizing the system they grew up with is broken and needs to be fixed and she can’t just sit back and let it. 

What makes this happen, besides the aformentioned kidnapping by saturday morning cartoon racists, is Piper confronting her after a friend from south africa forces Piper to acccept that while her and Mahree are friends, Mahree might not seee her as equal and Piper in turn in a heated argument and easily Simmons best performance of the film, that things are broken and wrong and that her “firend”, her nanny/servant back home, is not happy. It leaves Mahree crying and Ron telling her the honest truth: Change was, and again still is but this was 2000 and while we should’ve had this talk disney channel wasn’t ready for it, needed to make things better here.. and tha’ts what south african’s doing> Fighting for equal rights at last. It’s some powerful, heavy as hell stuff you woudln’t expect from a line of movie that also include a robot house, before that was an actual thing, a merMAN dad MerMan, a boy slowly turning into a leprechaun, and at least two diffrent movies centering around wacky kidnappings. It’s a nuanced and hard look at race, as hard as late 90′s jsut turned into the 2000′s disney could get mind, aimed at kids and the film, whiel stilted really has my utter praise. It’s genuinely moving, well acted and teaches a valuable message that while not eveyrone can change.. it dosen’t hurt to try and help them, as well as the equal message that change start with YOU. someone has to WANT to be better and learn and actually let other people in to help them. And I wont’ lie and say this is the most naunced or subtle film.. at time’s it’s about as subtle as a ralph wiggum throught he window

But sometimes you don’t need to be. It also taught kids about apartheid, not me as I barely saw the film, but many learned of something ghoulsih that had barely ended at the time of the film’s release, something I only learned about as a teen via bloom county and a diffrent world, which has an utterly awesome apartheid episode “A World Alike”. Seriously check it out if you have prime, as it shows that america isn’t the only country with a deep history of ingraned racisim. And was it an easy way to have an anti racisim narriative without fully confronting america’s own racist history? Yup. Just.. yup. Can I blame Disney Channel for it when they clearly, while equipped to tackle racisim, weren’t ready to tackle something that dense or heavy, and while Proud Family later would there’s a diffrence between a 20 minute one off episode of a cartoon and 90 minutes of film? Yeah. For what it is and for what the time period is, I applaud this film taking on such a heavy topic with grace. Some goofyiness here and there yes and some lack of subtly.. but still grace. For what it is is, it’s pretty good and i hope to show it to my nieces one day soon. It has i’ts heart in the right place and thus has a place in my heart. See you next rainbow. 

[thorne93]

Inside the Criminal Mind (Part 37)

Prompt: You’re married to Dr. Spencer Reid of the BAU, and are a distinguished doctor yourself on the team. You’re sent down to Miami, Florida for teaching and as a side request from the FBI, to investigate a string of missing persons. When you think you’ve figured out who the unsub is, your life becomes more complicated than you ever could’ve imagined.

Word Count: 2604

Warnings: (throughout the fic –>) death, blood, gore, killings, language, disturbing mental notions, mentions of rapes/murder/etc (You know, Dexter and Criminal Minds related business)

Notes: Thank you so much to @arrow-guy​​​​​​​​, @carryonmyswansong​​​​​​​​, and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​​​​​ - without each of you, I couldn’t have finished, written, or properly navigated this story. Each of you helped me fish out details that were incredibly important to me. Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong​​​​​​​​ and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​​​​​… Aesthetic by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​​​​​

This is a crossover of Criminal Minds x Dexter. First time writing Dexter.

Also, the timeline is after Season 1 of Dexter, but during season 14-ish of Criminal minds into Season 15. Enjoy!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

You watched your husband and Cat put on skates and go out to the rink and for a long while they just skated, saying nothing. Spencer couldn't skate at all, and Cat was skating all over the place. She caught up to him and held onto his arm to help him skate and you watched from the side with burning in your eyes and stomach. 

It’s a very good thing Dexter taught you to keep your emotions in check. You’d been here before though. Jealous. First with JJ, and it took a long time for s Spencer to convince you there was nothing there. Then with Max, and that had yet to be addressed, and now, a psychotic killer was wheeling your husband around a rink and he was actually smiling.  

Why is it when Cat Adams takes him on a random date, he can smile and have fun, knowing the hell she put him through. But you and him were at each other’s throats for months when he found out you were a killer. You were his wife. The love for you should’ve shone through everything else. 

So what was the difference? Could he not forgive you for the lying? You knew he was jealous of Dexter but now… Now he’d had three women that made you question your entire marriage in the course of half a year. You had been nothing but open and honest about your entire relationship with Dexter since he found out.

Did he really not see how any of this would affect you? The constant attention given to max/ The slight flirting he was doing with Cat? He didn’t have to flirt. Cat knew it, you knew it, Spencer knew it. He just had to play the game -- he didn’t have to enjoy it. 

Cat mentioned that if you weren’t here, she’d request a song from the DJ and make out with Spencer right now. They skated some more and she acknowledged that Spencer would try to get inside her head, so he asked about her baby. She said she didn’t want to talk about it. He said he was trying to use the hormonal effect against her. 

“Oh, really? Um, waht about sex?” She skated towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck, he wrapped his hands around her waist, and you stiffened. “Why don’t you use that against me?” 

Real date or not, it’s never a pretty sight to see your husband that close to another woman. 

She slightly pushed away from him and he had trouble staying upright. She made a face of disgust and slapped him so hard that he fell over. 

Your eyes went wide with rage. She skated over to where you were, trying to skate past you, but you grabbed her hand in a swift motion, almost too fast for anyone to see and you bent her hand backwards, threatening to break her wrist.

“If you ever touch my husband again, I will kill you. And my method won’t be as humane as a needle in the arm,”  you darkly vowed as she bent backwards, wincing. “Are we clear?”

“Jeez, you weren’t this jealous last time,” she responded.

In the background, you could hear Spencer and Luke shouting your name. 

“Y/N! Y/N!” Spencer cried out, skating towards you.

You applied more pressure, any more and her wrist would fracture. She was nearly on one knee by now from the way you were pushing. 

“Are we clear?” you asked again. 

“Yes!” 

You released her and stood straight up again as Spencer skated over to you. He gave you a look of anger but you returned it to him. 

He spent the next few minutes talking to her, telling her how he couldn’t get her out of his mind and you wanted to roll your eyes. She asked if Spencer thought about her when he kissed you and he said sometimes. The next thing she wanted was to see where you two lived so blissfully happily. 

So, within a matter of seconds, everyone was loaded up into the SWAT van and everyone went over to your home. Spencer got out his keys and started to unlock the door before she stopped him.

“Did you really mean what you said?” she asked. 

“”Yes.” 

“Prove it,” she ordered and you just rolled your eyes. He’d refuse. You knew he would. 

But faster than you could blink, Spencer’s hands went to her hair and his mouth collided with hers. Your eyes went wide in shock as your stomach dropped. Fake or not, your husband was kissing another woman, in front of you, on your porch. He was kissing her hungrily, in a way he hadn’t kissed you in a long time. 

Luke glanced at you, gauging your reaction, seeing as just a few minutes ago you nearly broke her wrist and threatened to end her life. You couldn’t watch, but you couldn’t look away. 

She swung your front door open to reveal a woman in your house and you frowned. 

What the hell was this?

Spencer and Cat broke apart and you looked at them, then looked at the girl. 

“Max, what are you doing here?” Spencer breathed.

Of course it was fucking Max inside your house. Of course this day was going to get worse and worse. 

Luke ordered that someone get Max out of here but Max said, “No, no, no, she’ll kill them if I leave.”

“Kill who?” you asked as you stepped inside the foyer of your home. 

“My father and my sister. Look I got a call from some woman with my sister screaming in the background. I was told to come here, that there would be a key taped underneath the porch swing. Spencer, what is happening?!””

“We recovered your father, but your sister is still missing. Look I say we put cat in her cell and we regroup,” Luke suggested

“No. Bring her in here and leave us alone,” Spencer quietly ordered. He then set it up so that the team would hear all of you the entire time, instructed Max on what not to say, and they let Cat come back in. 

Fantastic. You were in your home with a woman that was monopolizing your husband’s time and a psychotic killer that was obsessed with him. 

“We’re all here, what do you want to talk about?” Spencer demanded as she walked in. 

“So, so much.” She eyed Max and said, “She’s cute. I see why she turned your head away from your wife.” 

“What are you talking about?” Spencer asked as she walked in your home, touching things and looking at the art and decor. 

“You’re married?” Max asked as if she didn’t know and your face whipped to Spencer. You were dying to know why that would be a bit of news to Max. 

Finally, she stopped walking and turned to you. “Did it make you mad that I was kissing your husband?” 

“No.” 

“Why not? You nearly broke my arm for slapping him. Is he free real estate? Speaking of which, he kissed me, so you can’t kill me.” 

“No, but I’d hope you’re not stupid enough to think the kiss was real.” You cocked your head. 

“Are you going to hurt my sister?” Max suddenly asked, taking a step forward

“No. Not if she follows instructions. It could be a learning experience for her.” After a moment, everyone got settled in in your living room. “Normally Spencie and I, we play games, but tonight, I’ve brought you all here to make a point. Y/N, you should know the truth about your husband.” 

“I already know everything there is to know about my husband,” you evenly said. 

“Oh, really? Did you get the mail today?” 

“Yes, why?” 

“Go check your mail.”

You got up and looked and found an envelope that was addressed your name, but no address or return address.  

“Open it,” Cat ordered. 

You peered at her, wondering what the game was. You opened it, and a stack full of photos came out. One was a picture of Spencer carrying Max through a sprinkler system at the park. Another was the two of them laughing over coffee. Another was her hand on his in a booth at a restaurant. 

“So? I knew they were spending time together,” you asked, throwing the photos on the coffee table as you looked down at Cat. 

“You knew how much, but you didn’t know how. Does that look friendly to you or flirty? Not to mention Max here didn’t even know he was married. Hid the wedding ring and then never mentioned you. How does that make you feel?” she pressed. 

“Fine. That doesn’t mean anything. I never came up. He tries to avoid talking about work, and I’m part of his work.”

“Don’t be blind, Y/N, you’ve never been stupid, dont’ start nowy. It’s not a cute look. Not mentioning his work is one thing, but you, his wife? Hmm, it appears our spencie has been a naughty boy.” 

“He isn’t ‘our’ anything.”

“Sure he is. Just because I didn’t get a picture of him kissing Max over here doesn't mean it hasn’t happened or that it won’t. He kissed me without hesitation to save her family.”

“He did that to save two people, it doesn’t matter who they are.” 

“But it does. See, I know the real Dr. Reid. He’s not this bookish genius that saves the day and has all the answers.”

“Oh, yeah? Who’s the real me, Cat?” Spencer prompted. 

“The real Spencer Reid throws women against walls, and hisses that he’s going to kill them,” Cat said. 

“That was a very different situation,” Spencer said. 

“No it wasn’t.” 

“What’s she talking about?” Max asked. 

“Why don’t you explain it? She won’t believe it coming from me,” Cat said. 

“Two years ago Cat kidnapped my mother. Just like tonight, she got under my skin, and--.”

“You threw her against a wall?” Max asked, clearly appalled. 

“Don’t skimp on the details, Spencie,” Cat instructed as she paced around. “She should  know everything, as your mistress.” 

“I’m not his mistress,” Max responded. 

“She was pregnant at the time, and I knew that when I hurt her.” 

“And, the next day, I miscarried. The end.” 

“That’s not true,” Spencer retorted quickly, a look of concern washing over him. 

Oh, he was concerned Cat miscarried, but not about him committing infidelity. Nice to know where you stood. 

“It most certainly is true. Check my medical records. So now you both see. Max, you see that Dr. Reid is actually a lot darker than you thought. He’s married, he’s a liar, and a cheat--”

“I never cheated,” Spencer corrected quickly.

“No, but you thought about it and you didn’t think twice about kissing me to prove a point.” 

“What is this?” Max asked, jumping up. “What is this sick twisted game you three are playing?” 

“Okay, fine,” you said, your voice hard. “You want to break up my marriage with vague photos, fine, but why take Max’s family. What do they have to do with this?”

“Because I want to show everyone what happens if you involve yourself with Spencer Reid. See, Maxine here should know that this is what life is like for anyone who knows him.”

“So why not abduct me?” you challenged. 

“You’re already married, it’s too late to show you anything new, except what he’s done with Max here. You should be thanking me, Y/N. No woman will want to get near Dr. Reid.”

“Thanking you? You’ve put two innocent people's lives in danger,” you responded, your teeth gritting together. 

“You’re being very ungrateful. I’m saving Maxie from the inevitable danger she’ll get in with Spencie and I’m trying to show you that he’s just like every other scumbag guy out there. He’s out for himself and that’s it.” 

“I can't believe you didn’t tell me you were married,” Max responded, clearly upset and now you realized you had a reason to be too. What had they done that would cause concern for being around a married man? 

“See? Men are pigs,” Cat spat as she kneeled in front of Max. “You’ve been hurt before like this. Been the other woman. Tell me about it. I could have little sis and Juliette go over to his place and take care of him.” 

“Just give her what she wants,” Spencer encouraged. 

“He’s just saying that so I’ll call and they can trace it.” 

Max jumped up, ended the landline phone call that was keeping the team in contact, and begged Cat to get confirmation her sister was alive. But Cat insisted on a name and a story first. So Maxine started in on a story about a man she knew that made her feel special, made her feel like she was on top of the world, only to find out he was married with two kids. So when she confronted him, he got violent, and she hit him over the head with a vase that killed him. She told 911 it was self defense, but she went there looking for a fight, a way to hurt him. 

Cat entered the phone number, the text, and everyone waited on confirmation that her sister was alive. She said, “See? There, now everyone is miserable. Maxine is right back to being the other woman. Spencer has broken two women’s hearts. Better than their neck though, right Spencie? And Y/N sees her husband as the cheating, lying, psycho he is. I mean, in one night, we’ve determined he could kiss me easily, on your front porch no less, and with Maxine here…” She shook her head before looking down. “Oh look. Proof sis is alive.” 

Maxine grabbed the phone and dashed out of your house and showed your team the photo. You and Spencer didn’t speak as Cat was reloaded into the SWAT van and you drove to the prison. 

“Do you know why I did this? Why I really did this?” Cat asked. 

“To prove I’m a monster, just like you,” Spencer said, his eyes meeting yours from across the van. 

“No, silly,” Cat retorted before resting her head on his shoulder. “I just wanted to see you again.”

Your eyes flashed with pain and heartbreak as you stared at her. 

“You ruined my marriage and the only friendship I’ve had in a long time, just to see me? You could’ve just written me a letter.”

“Would you have written back?” she asked. 

He didn’t respond and the rest of the ride was silent until you reached the prison. They oepned the doors, and began to unload Cat. 

“You know, just because those pictures didn’t show Spencer kissing Max, it doesn’t mean he wasn’t cheating,” Cat said as she got out of the van. 

You frowned as you said, “What do you mean? Of course it does. If you couldn’t get one picture of them being physical--”

“Don’t forget who your husband is, Y/N. His love language isn’t physicality. It’s books...poems...museums… He’s a lover of the mind. You might want to ask Maxine just how many gifts she got from Spencie here.” She glanced at Spencer before looking to you again. “It’s been a real pleasure. It’s too bad I won’t be there to see the divorce finalize. Best date ever.” She gave you her signature crazy look, and then they walked her away. 

It was only you and Spencer in the back of the SWAT van now. 

“Y/N,” he started softly. 

“Don’t,” you warned through gritted teeth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[ssironstrange]

endgame rant

SPOILERS AHEAD PLEASE AVOID IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET

yeah i know i said i wouldn’t post spoiler shit but listen i gotta get this off my chest ok

i have some REAL BIG FUCKING ISSUES with the way the russos handled a lot of plotlines. don’t get me wrong, this movie was amazing and epic and fucking award worthy, but as a fan i’ve taken offense to a Lot of things.

clint

nothing about his ronin story makes a lick of fucking sense in the mcu. his family is dusted so he…… goes on a mass murdering spree??? decides that he should get a haircut and spend the next five years getting an edgy tattoo sleeve??? um. okay then. destroy the past like 10 years of his character having one of the best moral compasses of the entire team. why did he take up using a fucking SWORD in present day? do you know how long it takes to master swordsmanship at the level he was? with at least half of the world’s teachers gone? more than five fucking years thats for damn sure. and between him and natasha dying for the soul stone? it should have been him. i know he had a family and all but listen. nat went through physical and psychological torture. her body was modified against her will. she was brainwashed and used. and finally, FINALLY she gets free of it all, finds a family in the avengers, and continues to try and better herself to make up for things that weren’t even her fault to begin with. and clint? what did he suffer? oh thats right. nothing. he’s just damn good at his job and loves his family. the fact he has a family sucks for sacrifice, but they are well taken care of and every single one of his kids are old enough to understand AND nat would have stepped in immediately as a parental figure to help laura. they fucking fridged nat for clint and i will never forgive that.

thor

here we go. thor’s character legit made me uncomfortable. they went way overboard with the new thor personality. but… fatshaming and making fun of his very real depression and ptsd?? wtf russos. like, haha he let himself go so funny but its NOT. he wasn’t even like…. fat, for one. just a normal dadbod and beer belly. which by the way seems a lot more realistic according to most norse myths of the gods. they were warriors, yeah, but they drank a fucking lot and feasted a fucking lot so. anyway. thor has lost his entire family. not only that but he watched them all die. he saw his mother bleed out. he watched his father disperse into nothingness. he watched the brother he has loved and cherished no matter the amount of times of betrayal and misdeeds get his neck snapped and his lifeless body thrown to the ground. and then the sister he never knew he had killing almost all of your people and then being forced to find a way to kill her. can you imagine trying to cope with that??? and when you put his age into our perspective, he’s only in his 20s. so imagine seeing your whole family die before you’re even 25, then taking on the responsibility of ruling your people. said surviving people are then massacred in front of you with only a few dozen escaping. THEN living with the guilt of blowing your chance to kill the man responsible for that and unable to stop him from decimating half the universe. (and even when he does get revenge on him, it’s too late) tell me you wouldn’t have an atomic level meltdown. thor is suffering so much and all they can do is make fun of him for it and shame him for it. he deserved better.

steve

yall know i don’t like steve. i don’t hate him and i’m not anti-steve, i’ve just never enjoyed his rather inconsistent character and self-righteousness. it felt like we were FINALLY getting a steve i could get behind in this. a steve that swears like he should. a steve who still puts on a brave face for the public but behind closed doors with friends he’s miserable and broken like the rest of them and SHOWS it to them. a steve who realizes he is stuck in the past and just can’t seem to move forward. a steve who i can finally see the culmination of EVERYTHING he’s been through resting on his shoulders and eating him alive inside. finally we were getting a properly layered steve rogers. and then tony came back and that all fell apart. we didn’t get the apology steve owed him (and tbh tony owed him one too but we’ll get to that), we didn’t get a remorseful steve. he didn’t even address the goddamn issue. he went straight back to his bullshit. admittedly he was a better listener this time around and a far better team player overall. it wasn’t a total loss. but. BUT. his ending? no. hell fucking no. i’m happy he and peggy got their life, but it still shouldn’t have happened. how fucking selfish. how fucking backwards of his character. i get he didn’t have a choice in being brought back into the present and that is unfair and sucks for him, but what fucking right did he have to mess with a timeline like that? what right did he have to just decide without telling anyone he was done and giving up? why did he get the fucking happy ending???? steve rogers who looked tony in the eyes and said he wasn’t the kind of man to lay on the wire for someone copped out. steve rogers who knows of all the social progress we’ve made decides to go back to a time where he would be forced to accept segregation and extreme gender inequality and rampant, blatant, gross racism of all sorts oh and more war and alkjdalksdhkas NO plus they broke their own time travel rules so like whatever i guess right?? it’s okay if steeb gets his stupid happy ending right? god is it SO MUCH TO ASK FOR JUST ONCE TO HAVE A GOOD CHARACTERIZATION OFCAP???? it’s not your fault cevans honey you’re doing amazing your directors just have no fucking idea 

tony

frankly this has been amongst rdj’s best performances of tony. i’m still partial to a lot of his acting in the iron man movies BUT this was FANTASTIC. him finally being allowed to absolutely go off on steve was fucking delicious and everything i was waiting for. let it all out tony baby. buuuuut we should have also had something more. i know my fellow tony stans typically don’t believe it but tony was wrong in civil war too. surprise they both fucking were. ANYWAY. i was waiting for an honest apology between them both. after everything they just went through, NONE of the petty bullshit they went through before matters at all. and yet the closest thing we get is tony just being like “turns out i don’t like to hold grudges” or what the fuck ever. why is it so hard just to make one of them say i’m sorry, the other say i’m sorry, admit it was a bunch of BULLSHIT hug it out and then go forward???? ugh. their choice to make tony suddenly care about his dad and be happy to see him???? disgusting. they made it canon that howard was an abuser, neglectful, cold, and hateful. it’s been a BIG DEAL how tony has struggled with the relationship to his dad because of how shitty the man was to him. and then they do tHAT? fuuuuCK that!!!! i’m not saying tony isn’t allowed to forgive howard. thats fine and expected tbh. but they pushed it way too far. the tony stark we’ve known for the last decade would never get all giddy and happy to see him and hug him and fucking thank him??? what the fuckk?? god that was gross. you know what we should have gotten? what tony deserved more than howard fucking stark? MARIA STARK!! and then, of course, my main issue. they fucking killed him. which only tells us, the audience and fans that no matter what you suffer and sacrifice that your only way to redemption is death. jesus fucking christ i am SO angry over this. they killed the two who suffered the fucking most. the two who every single goddamn day worked on being a better person. nat and tony both deserved so much better than waht they got. how the fuck did it make sense to kill tony who now has a fucking CHILD, who still has a future, who FINALLY FOR ONCE IN HIS FUCKING LIFE FOUND A SHRED OF PEACE????? and then let steve just go selfishly galavant through time as he pleases to have the cute happy ending? FUCK that ending. fuck it right up the ass with a huge unlubed cock. steve should have been the one to use the gauntlet. period. he should have been the one to die like that. i would have still fucking cried but you know what?? that would be the most cap thing ever. i wanted a mirror of pre-serum steve jumping on that grenade, but this time grabbing the gauntlet and not hesitating for a split second to snap. but no. they killed tony who left behind a wife who DESERVED MORE THAN HAVING THE MAN SHES LOVED AND SUPPORTED AND MARRIED AND HAS A CHILD WITH RIPPED AWAY FROM HER!!! tony who left behind a daughter too young to really comprehend yet why her daddy isn’t going to be coming back. fuck you russos. the injustice of it is astounding. i’m never going to get over it. you know how they could have killed tony? if they really felt like they needed to? have him grow old and die naturally of old age with pepper in their cute little lakeside house after watching morgan grow into such a strong and brilliant person. but oh. they gave that to steve. right.

stephen

i’ll never complain about having more stephen content but uhhhh i’m gonna complain that we didn’t get more than what we got cause after sitting in the soulworld for five fucking years you canNOT tell me he didn’t get even stronger with time to practice and meditate and work through every iota of information of mystical shit in his head. and yet they sidelined him??? after we’ve SEEN what he’s capable of in IW? just gonna put him on flood control???? something that any of those goddamn sorcerers could have done while he helps wipe the floor with thanos or any of the thousands of enemies? fuuuuuuuuuck that. can you fucking imagine how quickly thanos would have been taken out if it were wanda, carol, and stephen all three against him? jesus. he’s literally amongst the most powerful people but nah, just have him stand over there.

the gay russo

FUCK you for that. i am LIVID about it. yall can’t fucking make valkyrie bi???? or carol????? yall can’t GET AN ACTUAL GAY ACTOR? “ We felt it was important that one of us play him, to ensure the integrity and show it is so important to the filmmakers that one of us is representing that. “ WHAT????????? are you fucking telling me a WOC WHO IS OUT AS BISEXUAL AND WANTS HER CHARACTER TO BE BISEXUAL COULDNT ENSURE THE INTEGRITY OF AN LGBT CHARACTER???????????????? “ It is a perfect time, because one of the things that is compelling about the Marvel Universe moving forward is its focus on diversity.”  SEE PREVIOUS COMMENT????? oh my god fuck them forever.

lets make rules for our time travel then break them immediately

idek whats going on in the timeline anymore. they utterly fucked up and BROKE the timeline of 2012 avengers after letting loki get away with the tesseract. which should have cascaded into their future but, well, it didn’t. so i GUESS now we’re just pretending that made a new timeline which makes no goddamn sense but whatever i guess. steve going back to completely fuck with his timeline, or a timeline at least, and having no consequences in the future besides being old. okay. sure??? we can do all that but we can’t fucking get natasha back. right. cool. okay.

anyway i’m sure theres more bugging me but these are the things bothering me most.

and frankly i don’t care if anyone disagrees i’m not arguing or debating any of this. 

[navpike]

Licensed Response: Chapter 3

"I'm just going to lend a hand," Caleb calls as they run. He doesn’t want to make this a hero thing, but this seems big. He can help out a few civilians and leave when the cops or a proper Powered Response Team shows up. “Is this even legal?” Nott screeches. (It really isn't legal.)

Or, the one where the Nein are a team of superheroes (well, they're working on it, at least).

Chapter Three: friends are a fate that befell me [on ao3]

Their six months goes by without much trouble, giant monsters and crazed powered criminals only grace the world with their presence once in a while, contrary to popular opinion. So they only have to get into the thick of things three times over the course of their probationary period.

However, one of the conditions of them receiving an official permanent license is that they must prove to Deputy Mayor Feelid that not only are they effective as a PRT, they have to prove that they are functional and stable. They have to prove that they truly are a unit, that they didn’t just slap a team name on their group to try get out of facing consequences for breaking the law.

Jester insists that this means that they need to have team bonding time.

Caleb hates team bonding time.

It always means he needs to leave the apartment and go out in public, because none of them really know each other. Even though he knows who Beau, Jester and Fjord are (though they don’t know that), and at least the three of them know who he is, none of them are willing to have the others over to their homes, not just yet. They’re just not that close yet, even though their deadline is fast approaching. They need to be a cohesive group in less than two months, and they’re just not there, and they don’t really know how to remedy that.

Which is why it comes as such a shock when, almost five months into being ‘The Mighty Nein’, Sky Spear invites them over to her house.

The second she makes the offer their group chat, which was already only barely functional, blows up.

[from zappy zap, 11:12 AM]

How would you guys feel about having team bonding at my place this week?

[from silver, 11:12 AM]

hey excuse me fucking what

[from doctor fancypants, 11:13 AM]

quartermaster and i are so in! he’s distracted playing a video game but he says yes

[from flame on, 11:14 AM]

This is a very kind offer, Spear. Nott and I would be happy to attend.

[from bo staff, 11:16 AM]

hey question: do you ever talk like a normal fuckin person caleb?

[from nott, 11:16 AM]

he doesn’t.

ever.

also, we’ll definitely be there spear, thanks for the invite.

[from zappy zap, 11:20 AM]

That’s great guys.

[from zappy zap, 11:24 AM]

My wife is excited to meet you all. She’s been hearing Silver and I talk about you for a while.

[from bo staff, 11:24 AM]

EXCUSE ME WAHT

WHAT

W H A T

SPEAR i have been flirting with you for MONTHS why didnt you tell me you have a WHOLE ASS SPOUSE

[from nott, 11:25 AM]

as opposed to only half a spouse?

[from doctor fancypants, 11:25 AM]

oh my gosh youre married?!

[from fish, 11:26 AM]

This is worth losin a video game. Spear youre married?

[from silver, 11:26 AM]

HEY SPEAR WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME THIS WAS HAPPENING HUH?

[from nott, 11:26 AM]

oh we’ll be there for sure now. i can’t wait to meet her.

[from silver, 11:27 AM]

HELLO??????

WHEN?????

[from zappy zap, 11:31 AM]

Silver, I’m two rooms away from you, come talk to me in person. I’ll see the rest of you on Saturday!

And that’s the last there is to say about that. Caleb certainly wasn’t expecting that, but it’s a pleasant surprise. It’s nice to know that at least one of them has at least a semi-normal life.

Caleb thinks that, and then grumbles and immediately turns back to his laptop and his coding. Computer code won’t make him think about why he cares about these people’s happiness. Computer code just makes him irrationally angry. Computer code is just facts. Computer code gives him an income, so that he’s not burning through the settlement from the Ikithon Incident because that would be irresponsible.

Caleb shakes his head and sighs.

Even computer code has betrayed him now.

Shit.

~*~

Saturday afternoon finds Caleb and Veth standing on the front porch of a small town home four blocks away from ZuZu’s Cafe, Caleb holding a bag with two bottles of wine and shifting from foot to foot nervously.

It’s Veth who finally rings the doorbell, her face melting into something just a little different, a black domino mask appearing over her eyes.

A woman with dark brown hair tied up on top of her head and soft brown eyes peering at them from behind a pair of large-framed glasses opens the door with a smile.

“You must be Caleb and Nott! It’s so nice to meet you, Yasha’s told me so much about you. Come in, come in.” She steps aside and ushers them in the door, instructs them to take their shoes off there, graciously takes the wine Caleb offers. “The others are through here in the kitchen. Already broken out the wine, I think. Oh! And where are my manners! I’m Zuala, I’m Yasha’s wife.”

“It’s lovely to meet you,” Caleb responds, a little taken aback by her overwhelmingly warm personality. He also can’t shake the feeling that he knows her from somewhere. She looks incredibly familiar.

“Caleb! Nott! You’re here!” Jester’s ever-cheery voice sounds out as they make their way into the kitchen.

True to Zuala’s word, Jester, Beau and Fjord are in there, sans their masks, for the first time, as is another young man with shoulder length purple hair twisted into elaborate braids, more piercings than Caleb can even count, and tattoos on every visible inch of skin, a peacock tail even crawling up the side of his face.

That’s Silvertongue, Caleb realizes. That tattoo on his face is the reason his mask covers so much, to cover the identifying mark. He looks familiar too, and Caleb still can’t pinpoint why, he’s so overwhelmed with the general chaos of re-meeting all of these people again.

They’re all crowded around the kitchen island, an empty bottle of wine already in between them, Silvertongue, Jester and Beau giggling while Fjord nurses what’s probably still his first glass.

There’s a woman at the counter, pulling a tray of pastries out of the oven. Caleb assumes this must be Yasha, Sky Spear, Zuala’s wife.

His friend.

God isn’t that a weird thought. Caleb hasn’t had a friend besides Veth in years. Not since Astrid and Eodwulf. Not since Ikithon.

He has a moment of blind panic where he worries that somehow Ikithon will fuck this up for him too, that he’ll find a way to corrupt these friends too, to ruin their lives too, but then he takes a breath and remembers. Ikithon is in prison. He’s in a power dampening cell in solitary confinement where he will stay for the rest of his life.

The kitchen smells like cinnamon.

Caleb focuses on that, and takes another breath. Zuala pats him on the shoulder and crosses the kitchen to kiss her wife on the cheek.

“Oh Caleb, Nott, you’re here!” Yasha says happily, setting the tray on the stove top and discarding the oven mitt next to it. She returns the kiss from her wife and crosses to Caleb and Nott with a wide smile. “So. Zuala and I have been talking about this for some time, and we decided that if we’re meant to be teammates, and friends, that it was best we stopped hiding behind masks. Not that I’m trying to pressure you into sharing your identity, Nott, but, I thought it was time for me to. So. It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Yasha Nydoorin.”

Without her armor and without the warpaint and the black haze concealing her face, Yasha looks wildly different. She looks soft. Her hair, a pale blonde, almost white, at the tips, fading into black at the roots, is tied into even more complex braids than Silvertongue’s, and Caleb thinks she must have done his hair for him. Caleb smiles at the thought. Without the haze and paint, Yasha’s face isn’t so harsh. Instead of a severe glare, her mismatched eyes are endearing, her gaze easy and kind. It’s a really incredible difference.

Caleb sticks out his hand, and Yasha accepts the handshake.

“Hello Yasha Nydoorin. I am Caleb Widogast. It is very nice to meet you.”

Caleb withdraws his hand and glances to Veth. She’s wringing her hands as she watches the two of them, nervously shifting her weight until she seems to come to a decision. When Yasha turns to Veth, Veth takes a deep breath, pulls out her hip flask and takes a deep pull from it, and extends a hand.

When Veth’s hand extends, her form melts, the mask disappearing, and features shifting back to the face she calls hers, though Caleb’s not entirely sure if that’s truly what she looks like, in all actuality.

“I’m Veth Brenatto. Nice to meet you all,” Veth says, shaking Yasha’s hand and glancing at the others in the kitchen.

Behind Yasha, Beau, Jester, Fjord and Silvertongue have gone silent, watching Yasha introduce herself to Caleb and Veth.

“Well,” Silvertongue finally says, reclining in his seat. “I suppose if even Nott-- Veth, sorry-- can give us her real name, the rest of us can do that too. Mollymauk Tealeaf, at your service, ladies, gents, others and Sentinel.”

Beau throws a wine cork at Mollymauk’s head.

“It’s Beau. Uh, Beauregard Lionett, technically, but really, it’s just Beau,” she says.

“And I’m Jester Lavorre!” Jester says, with just as much enthusiasm as she uses for everything else.

“I’m uh. I’m Fjord. Just Fjord really,” Fjord says, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “We’ve actually-- That is to say, the three of us actually had a run in with Caleb and Veth at ZuZu’s down the street, the day we all met.”

“I recall,” Caleb says. “A word of advice, Fjord. Your scar is very distinctive. It may do you well to cover it. I’ve known who the three of you are since the beginning.” He smirks as he says it, a little self satisfied.

Fjord lifts a hand to cover the scar on his forehead.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Veth reassures him, smacking Caleb’s arm. “Just you definitely should cover it up when you go out to fight things if you want to keep your identity secret, like at all.”

Zuala laughs where she’s just finished plating the pastries from the tray.

“You super types are too sensitive. People have flaws, even superpowered ones,” she teases gently, as she sets the dish of pastries in the center of the kitchen island and pours two glasses of wine.

She passes one to Yasha, and keeps one for herself and Mollymauk gasps in mock confoundment.

“Nothing for me? Zu, I’m heartbroken!”

Zuala scoffs. “I employ you and house you, you can pour your own damn wine,” she teases. Caleb finally gets what he’s been missing.

Yasha, Zuala and Mollymauk look familiar to him like this because they run ZuZu’s Cafe, he’s seen them there before.

When he voices this realization, he gets matching looks of realization from Jester, Beau and Fjord. Veth laughs at him, and Mollymauk, Yasha and Zuala join in.

“Welcome to the party Widogast,” Mollymauk says mockingly, but there’s no real heat behind his words and Caleb, very hesitantly, lets himself laugh at the teasing.  “There we go! He does know how to joke!”

That makes Veth laugh too, and just like that, any remaining tension is cut.

Caleb feels at home with these people. Despite every reservation he’s had for the past few years about having friends, about letting people get close, about letting people in, Caleb finds himself truly enjoying being around The Nein.

He hesitates to say it, but these people are becoming almost like a family to him, despite the fact that he’s only known them for a few months. This is the closest he’s ever been to anyone, besides Astrid and Eodwulf, and he likes it. He likes not being alone.

It’s terrifying.

Caleb pours himself a very large glass of wine. He drinks it faster than he has ever drank anything in his life.

Okay that’s a lie, but he does knock it back impressively quickly.

It settles his shaking hands, and he pours a second glass a bit more steadily before they all move into the living room so they can all sit.

They talk a little before Fjord finally asks what’s on everyone’s mind.

“So, Yasha, you said you were from Canada, right? What brought you to the states?”

Yasha’s smile falls a little bit, and Zuala takes her hand in something like support, Caleb thinks. Maybe they shouldn’t have asked.

“Ah, that is…” Yasha trails off, squeezing Zuala’s hand in hers. “I come from a very large family, one that’s very traditional. They had a whole life planned out for me, had all but arranged a marriage for me. But I fell in love. They didn’t like it. They already took issue with my abilities and me falling in love with Zuala, it was a tipping point. So we picked up and left. Opened ZuZu’s here a few years back and got married not long after. It’s been, what, five years? Best of my life.”

Zuala smiles so softly at Yasha that it twists something deep in Caleb’s chest, and makes him feel so warm and content he almost doesn’t know what to do with himself.

That might also be the wine, but potato, tomato. It’s a good thing he and Veth took a cab here.

“What about you, Fjord?” Zuala asks after a bit, breaking the silence. “What brought you to the East Coast? If I remember right, Yasha told me that you and Jester both told her you were from California?”

“Oh yeah, we both grew up in San Francisco. We met through some Facebook page that was for our college, people looking for roommates and whatnot. Found out we’d lived a few miles away from each other almost our whole lives and had never met before through some stroke of luck, but we met up for coffee a few times, and decided that we could handle sharing an apartment, and we moved across the country together. Talk about moving fast, huh?” he jokes and Jester all but cackles at that. “But I think I’ll end up staying here. Nothing much keeping me in California, now.”

“Why not?” Yasha asks softly, her words ever so slightly wine-slurred. At that thought, Caleb pours himself another glass. He’s definitely had too much to drink already. He sips at this glass anyway.

“Well I, uh. Don’t got any family to go back to, really. Closest thing I had was a foster dad who I lived with most of my life, but he died just after I turned eighteen. That’s why I don’t really use a last name most of the time. My last name’s just the street that the church I was left at was on. I worked some odd jobs over there, worked on a boat for a while to save up for school, and I guess I could go back to any of those, but it’s nothing I’m real tied to, y’know? I like it here a hell of a lot more.”

“And I’m here now! And I really love my mama and I miss her, but I’m probably going to stay here too because I like it here, and you wouldn’t want to leave me, right, Fjord?” Jester says, with a bat of her eyelashes.

Fjord rolls his eyes, but still agrees. “Wouldn’t want to leave you for the world now. Went and got under my skin.”

Jester laughs again. “It’s really funny that we became roommates, when you think of it, especially cause you’re so old, Fjord, but I’m really glad we did, cause you’re a good friend.”

“Hey!” Fjord protests. “I’m not old! I’m twenty five! Caleb’s old!”

Caleb protests too, his words definitely touched by the alcohol. “M’not that old. M’only twenty nine.”

A lot of eyes swivel towards him all at once.

“You’re only twenty nine, Caleb?” Mollymauk asks, and Caleb nods, a sad sort of smile on his face. “What the hell happened to you to make you age like that?”

It’s teasing, and Caleb can tell it, but a combination of the honesty in the air and the too much wine Caleb’s had makes him answer, “Torture, mostly, I think. Maybe the brainwashing? The experiments probably? But definitely the torture. Yes, definitely that,” he says into his near empty wine glass.

The room is too quiet.

Veth takes the glass away from him.

With nothing in his hands to look at now, Caleb looks up, curious about the sudden silence.

“Oh. I’ve ruined the mood now, haven’t I? My apologies.”

“No, Caleb, Jesus, you… What the hell are you talking about?” Beau asks, and Caleb shrugs in response.

“Well you know, the whole,” he gestures to himself and then makes a vague wave at empty air. “The Ikithon thing.”

It occurs to Caleb now that he never really looked at how much information was released to the public. It was enough to identify him and Astrid and Eodwulf. It was enough that some people thought he should be in jail for what he’d done. But after everything, he’d avoided anything having to do with the case like the plague. He never looked at what had become a matter of public record. It was too painful to dig through all of that just to find out what was missing. People knew enough. That was all that mattered. People knew, and they knew enough.

Now though, Caleb kind of wishes he had checked to see what the public knew. Cause now he’s gonna have to talk about it.

Fuck.

~*~

“Caleb, what do you mean, the Ikithon thing?” Veth asks gently.

She’s wringing her hands like she does when she gets nervous, and Caleb hates that he’s making her nervous. Best get it over with then, right? He can get it over with quick? For sure.

“Ah, Trent Ikithon,” and just saying the name makes Caleb cringe, but he presses forward anyway, “selected me, and two others for scholarships to the Soltryce Academy when we were young. He took us from the foster home we were in and told us he was going to give us a real home at the Academy, and that he was going to make us the greatest heroes this country had ever seen. And he did. He trained us out of standard classes, gave us more extra lessons than even the worst remedial student so that we’d be in peak form all the time. But then we…” Caleb trails off and mulls it over in his head for a moment, and when he speaks again, the word is very slurred, “plateaued.”

“You hit a point where you had mastered your abilities at that time as best you could. Everyone hits that point when they’re young. Your powers probably weren’t fully developed yet,” Beau mutters.

“Sure. But he did not like that,” Caleb counters, because Ikithon really hadn’t. He’d hated it when they’d started making less and less progress with each week, even though there was no more progress that was physically possible to make. “So he started brainstorming ways to make us better, and then he started trying them and that was just… the worst.” Caleb sloppily pushes one sleeve up, without thinking, and pokes experimentally at one of the old scars there, still shiny and standing out against the rest of his skin. Nothing happens, not that he was expecting anything to.

Everyone around him gasps though, and he looks up, curious what’s surprised them all so much.

They’re all staring at him.

“Christ almighty, Caleb,” Fjord mutters.

“What did that?” Jester asks, with none of her characteristic cheer. That makes Caleb a little sad. He doesn’t like that Jester sounds sad.

“Ah, Ikithon did. It was one of his ways to try to make us better. He would put, ah, crystals? In our skin, to see if they would enhance our powers. They didn’t. But he tried for a while.” Caleb pokes at a couple more scars and then tugs his sleeve back down and sighs. “After a while he gave up with the experimenting and just became cruel, and then he got tired of that and decided to be more direct in his methods. Ikithon can control minds. Like Mollymauk, but more powerful. So he just, took us over for a while. Made us his puppets. We did some truly unforgivable things. That was when he was caught but the damage had already been done. That’s the Ikithon Thing.”

“Fuck, Cay.”

Caleb’s not sure who says that, Mollymauk maybe, but he can’t help but agree. A laugh that’s a little self-deprecating and a little hysterical bubbles out of his chest, and he is helpless to stop it for a solid few seconds.

“It’s not funny,” he says, through the tail end of the laugh.

“It’s horrifying.” There is more emotion contained in those two words from Yasha than Caleb knows how to deal with, especially with his level of drunkenness.

“So!” Mollymauk exclaims, cutting through the tension with all the grace of a speeding MAC truck. “Who else wants to share their deep rooted trauma?”

It’s a joke, just barely, and it does the job, though it lacks the usual finesse of Mollymauk’s humor.

“Well,” Beau says, with a sound that’s almost a laugh but really isn’t. “My parents only ever wanted a good son, and when they got me instead, they got so pissed about it that they shipped me off to Cobalt against my will and had a son to replace me. I think they even gave him the same name as me, cause they always wanted a son named Beauregard. Never met him though, so who knows. Doesn’t matter much. That’s nowhere near as bad as--” Yasha cuts Beau off before she can finish that sentence.

“Trauma is not a competition,” she says, quietly but firmly. She leaves no room for argument. “You wouldn’t tell me that what I’ve lived through doesn’t matter, because what Caleb’s experienced is worse. Don’t do it to yourself either.”

Beau looks properly chastised, but not upset by that. She looks almost happy, like she’s pleased someone’s finally acknowledged what she’s been through. Caleb thinks it might be the first time anyone ever has. That makes him sad, but there’s time to be sad later, Mollymauk’s talking now.

“Uh, two years ago,” Mollymauk says, and he twists his fingers together and looks as unconfident as any of them have ever seen him. “Yasha found me in the back alley behind ZuZu’s, beaten to hell and back and completely out of it. She brought me to the hospital and stuck around for a bit, to make sure someone came for me, but I had no ID, nothing on me, not even a phone. I could barely even talk. Yash brought me back here and helped me get back on my feet and even after I was starting to be a person again, she let me stay and gave me a job. Mollymauk Tealeaf is a name I came up with on the fly when I needed to get a new ID. I uh, I’ve got no idea who I am.”

“They couldn’t track your tattoos? Find out where they’d been done? Those are pretty extensive and specific,” Beau asks.

“No. I got these after. As a way to become… me, y’know? I just cropped up into existence one day in this body I didn’t recognize. Thought I might as well make it mine.” Mollymauk rubs his hands together and lets out a deep breath. “Welp, I never wanna have to talk about myself again and that’s saying something! Someone else say something.”

Veth takes a huge swig from her flask, drains it dry, and then says, in what seems to be all one breath, “I have a husband and a son who live right here in this city and I haven’t seen them in over a year because I got my powers then and I’m terrified that I’m going to lose control over my form and that my mind will go with it and I’ll hurt my family.”

All eyes snap to Veth.

“You have a son?” Jester asks, a little excited and a lot sad.

“His name is Luke, and my husband’s name is Yeza. I don’t quite remember how I got these powers, but I remember it was an accident that happened when I got jumped on the way to the subway station one night.  I fought back, and hurt a few of them pretty badly, but, something happened, and I just… I woke up like this. Melting from one thing to the next. Not myself anymore. And I was too afraid to go home, and that was when I found Caleb, and I recognized him, so I knew he’d be able to keep himself safe if I lost control, so I thought it was okay to stay. I thought he could teach me some control too, so that one day, I can go back to my husband and son. I text, sometimes, and I send them things, toys for Luke, or chemistry equipment for Yeza, he’s a very gifted chemist, but it’s not the same.”

There is a beat of heavy oppressive silence, before Caleb breaks it.

“I thought all that chemistry stuff was cause you were making drugs.”

Veth blinks up at him once, twice, three times, and then bursts into peals of uncontrollable laughter, that spreads through the group faster than any of them care to admit.

Before they know it, they’re all wheezing with, cackling and giggling and nearly rolling out of their seats.

And it feels good. It feels good to know these important things about each other, to know why they each are the way they are, and it feels really good to laugh like this with each other.

If Fjord and Caleb are a little teary-eyed and Jester and Veth have tears running down their faces, no one comments. How could they?

This is the closest they’ve ever been as a group, as friends, as a fucked up little family, and Caleb finally admits to himself, with no conditions added, that he likes this.

He likes this ragtag little family they’ve begun to build, in a rather pathetic attempt to create a team.

No ‘and’s, no ‘if’s. He just likes this.

[getyouthemoooooooon-blog]

what ive always wanted

its really crazy to think where i am now compared to where i was a year ago. i was in the ending stages of a terrible relationship that seemed like it would never end. i never saw a light at the end of that tunnel. the amount of heartbreak and trials and tribulations we endured made it seem like that had to be my forever. i always thought, how could i go through so much heartbreak and turmoil over somebody i wasnt going to marry? i made myself believe that it was all worth it and not a complete waste of time.i made myself believe that because we had gone through so much shit and that it was so terrible, that it had to be right. it had to be what was meant to be, otherwise we wouldnt still be in each others lives. this is where it got toxic. i convinced myself that this abusive relationship was meant to be because it was so bad. sounds a lot more fucked up when i think about it in retrospect. i started realizing he wasnt the one when a few things started happening. lets start with the night he texted me and professed his apologies. something, every time we broke up, i had hoped so badly for. to randomly check my phone and see a text from him knowing what it was about. i remember one time i had woken up from a night i had barely slept, after we broke up, to a text form him. it just read “no.” and i immediatley knew what it was. i also immediately let him back in. that was my frist mistake. anyways, i had gotten that text one night while doing homework on my bed. it was around 11pm and i was finishing up some work due the next day. all my lgiths were on and the tv was on. i remember sitting there just looking at it, and then looking into the distance in confusion, tyrying to determine my feelings about this. it didnt feel the same. i didnt get that same excitement i had so many times before this when the exact same thing happened. something was off. but like old habits, i replied. we talked for a little and he made it clear this wasnt the beginning of a journey to win me back. it was simply him letting me know he was sorry and that he was in pain from everything. and even thought i didnt believe him about much towards the end, i believe this. i truly believe he was starting to feel the loss because it had been the first time we really broke up. something i hadnt really thought of the past few months which was extremely contrair to what is normally the case. we texted and then went to bed. nothing too serious. fast forward a couple months from then and i was sitting in my kitchen. i told alexa to play a song that i had been lsitneing on repeat that day. i sat there and really listened to it and started to think of him, and cry for the first time since we broke up. like really cry. thats when i texted him and told him i needed to see him. so we did. we went to buffalo wild wings and things were weird and we talked and i held his hand for a few seconds and that was it. we didnt really talk about anything and dinner was quick. we then got in my car and somehow it got rbought up and man i wish i could remember. but we both just started bawling. crying our fucking eyes out like a couple of newborn babies. i remember us hugging each other tight and getting snot all over eachothers clothes. and we couldnt stop. we didnt want the night to end so we drove all the way back to my house (which was a half hour away) and sat at the river in my car and cried. we talked a little but mostly cried. hard. im not kidding, all night. obviously when these moments are occuring there is a lot of passion. youre obviously both very upset and vulnerable. i was also really fucking horny. so i started to kiss his neck, and that made him cry harder. and but i kept going, until eventually his tongue was in my mouth. making out and then taking a break to cry more. eventually we were in the backseat of my car fucking. fucking and crying. that kind of sex is always the best, but once its over you instantly know it was the wrong choice. so the sun came up and we said our goodbyes. we had been up all night. i went home and just walked right in, nobody even knew i was out all ngiht. i went right up to bed and fell asleep. i woke up around 1pm and just instantly started crying. i was so confused. part of me was so sad because i didnt know if id ever see him again or what was to come of it, and the other half of me was scared i was going to get sucked back in. see, we had gone about 3 months without really talking or anything and it was the happiest 3 months id had in 3 years. but after that night i realized how much i missed him, but deep down knew how bad he was for me and how toxic it was. half of me that morning was scared i had opened the door even a crack to let him back in. i knew it was no longer the road for me but went with it anyways. so after that we had seen each other again and then were back in each others lives. things were back to how they normally were; terrible. but, if we were back in each others lives after all that shit then we’d have to be the ones for each other, right? no. wrong. compeltely wrong. i was so wrong. this was the first time i had ever felt this way. this is when i started to discover that maybe i would come to my senses and leave him for good. but, i shoved these doubts in the back of my mind and continued the toxic relationship. what made it even worse was that i had been on tinder and he had no idea. meanwhile he thought we were exclusive and working on things. i was messaging guys while he was in my bed. i never really thought about this but damn that was fucked up. this is also how i began to know. i wanted something else. i knew there was somebody out there for me that wasnt him that was just in my reach and so close yet so far away. i just had a true gut feeling that they were coming soon. but i didnt know if that was just a random feeling or it was the truth. so i kept him around. and continued to talk to guys on tinder. some really cool fucking guys. and i never hung out with them because of him. (just letting you know, im a huge advocate for tinder. shit slaps.) another thing that made me believe he wasnt the one was that after sex, i would always cry. not because i was so in love or wish things were better, but because i knew he wasnt the one i was supposed to be having sex with. i felt it my soul. i had never been more sure of anything. then, i started to get annoyed when id see a text from him in the morning. i would start to get annoyed when he would tell me he loves me and id feel forced to say it back. and then i started to forget to answer him. i started to leave him on read unintentionally or forget to open his snapchats. id forget he even existed for a few brief moments, which were nice. i really really really started to know once i stopped loving where he lived. i had fallen more in love with that place than i did with him. that place was something special to me. and i had stopped feeling the same joy there as i always had for 3 years prior. these began to accumulate and i grew unable to ignore them. after his birthday it was so clear. i didnt want to have sex with him i did wahtever i could to avoid it. i dreaded the thought of having to spend an entire weekend with him. i then dreaded having to interact with him when i got home. it had become so clear and so vivid. it was time to leave. for good. and i knew it and i was ready. so sitting in social studies, after he gave me a hard time about not answering his last i love you text, i ended it. i told him i couldnt do it anymore. and he knew. he didnt even put a fight because he could see it in me. he knew it was clear for me that it was over. so the conversation that day was short. i cried in class that day because it was sad. 3 years of constant turbulence was over. i was relieved and happy yet sad. but i deleted him from everything right after i sent the text, deleted our conversation, and it was done. i knew it. i had never known that much before. there was no doubt. every ounce of my soul and being knew it was over and i could finally breathe. i had been putting up with so much shit for 3 years and was finally out. i never thought id have enough strength to get my self out of it which is a terrifying thought. to truly enver think youll get yourself out of a fuckery of a relationship but you did. to pull yourself from the depths of hell and find the light again. truly something special. i knew what i wanted for myself and felt him there the entire time. i knew my future was a kid attending west point but i had no idea how id find him. there was a constant energy pulling me towards west point. i knew he was there and that was waht i wanted. i wanted it so bad. i felt like my soul was being called to there to know the love of my life was there. and after goiong on numerous shit dates, i had finally found him. we had talked for a week adn then stopped talking for about 3. i randomly messaged him and then we made plans to hang out which i baile don. then i called him on snapchat and that was the begining to it all. we talked on the phone for 5 hours that night. when we got off the phone i was like theres no possible way that was the end of it. you dont talk on the phone and connect with somebody like that for 5 hours and then never talk to them again. so the next day i woke up hopeful but with no expectations. this was approximately one month after i had broken up with that piec eof shit so i was enjoying life on my own. i almost didntw ant it to end but i knew that somsething was calling me there. so we texted and he called me the next day. we talked on the phone several times after that, each 4-6 hours long. we finally made plans to hang out. i was at work, sweaty gross and tired aftering training 12 year old gymnasts for 4 hours. but i wanted to go. so i raced home, showered and got dressed and drove to west point. i got there and picked him up right in front of the mailbox. nothing was awkward and everything was going smoothly. we took a walk and sat and talked for 2 hours. no silence, no awkward lulls. nothing. it was great. i had a smile on my face the entire time. we started to walk back and i started to get nervous because i couldnt read the situation. i had hung out with guys before thinking it was going great and then they end up not kissing me at the end. so were standing there, about to say goodbye and then he gives me a hug. and im like fuck man. hes not gonna kiss me... really? shit. that sucks. but then he asks when he can see me again, and my spirit lit back up. we set a day. and then he asked me to kiss him. and i did. a quick one. but it was nice. it was cold and he got boogers on me. i told him and we laughed, and he hugged me and said he was sorry. but it didnt bother me at all. i thought it was cute and funny. i got into my car and immediaately called my best friend. i told her how unreal it was. and that i was praying that this wasnt the end of it. and the weirdest thing of all, was that when i got in the car, bless the broken road by rascall flats came on. i was stunned. i knew right then and there that i had found my forever. the love of my life. the kind of love you see in movies. i felt like i had loved him from the beginning. and then i got a text. one i will rememebr forever. “okay, i kinda like you” and that was the beginning of it all. never had i had a guy tell me straight up how he feels like that. ever. it had always been so unclear and this was the first guy to ever tell me that. from there, we stngarted hanging out more and talking more. and even after the first tim ewe hung out, i missed him. i really did. i truly missed him and it was the strangest thing because we hung out once. how could i miss somebody i hung out with for two hours? what? that was crazy. but then we started hanging out more and then we started dating. and thats when things started to go downhill for me. i was upset i had given up my freedom so fast. i was now bound to another human and respinsible for their feelings. i had to now report to somebody again and make sure i wasnt missing their texts. i had no energy in me from my previuos relationship. it was too soon. and i knew that. i didnt even have energy for arguments. i never wanted to hang out with him and i never wanted to have sex with him. i was straight up mean to him.. even considered breaking up with him multiple times. i did not want to be in that relationship but something in me told me to stay. soemthing in me brought out the life in me. and i started to go from resenting him, to letting him in. i started to be vulnerable again. and very quickly, i started to fall in love with him. i realized i had gotten exactly what i wanted. exactly. what i had prayed for so hard and wished for every second with my entire life. and i really havent sat down to think about that in its entirety. i thought, how cool would it be to date a west point cadet, and be so proud of who they are. and travel to where they live and meet their family and be apart of this culture and make new friends. and i have it. i have it . lik ewaht?! i have it. and hes fucking unreal. he gave me a promise ring because he wants to marry me. and he will. and its what i dreamed of so many fuckking times. i have exactly waht i want and i couldnt be happier. im going to florida in 3 days to be with HIM in his hometown. my west point cadet that lives in florida, im going to visit. like WHAT dude. what teh fuck. crazy. thank you god. 

[raisamariannas]

apartment 278

Texting au. Again. I attempted to make this one longer than the other two, but maybe I failed. You can’t really see the world count on tumblr. Hope y’all enjoy it.

Also, don’t read this if you are on the mobile app as it has come to my attention that there is no formatting on the app.

Gendry Waters to roomies: we’re out of milk

Theon Greyjoy: oh damn

Jon Snow: we wouldn’t be if SOMEONE wasn’t addicted to cereal

Robb Stark: wow stop exposing me

Sansa Stark: whose turn is it to buy?

Jon Snow: gendry’s

Gendry Waters: fuck no i went to buy more toilet paper last week. it’s your turn jon

Jon Snow: ...

Jon Snow: it might be mine

Theon Greyjoy: no shit sherlock

Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: theon i swear to the gods

Robb Stark: mrs mordane just did that thing

Theon Greyjoy: not this again

Theon Grejoy: mrs mordane is a mean old lady who is NOT flirting with you

Robb Stark: she is!

Robb Stark: today, when i went to help her with her groceries, she called me handsome and winked

Robb Stark: SHE FUCKING WINKED

Theon Greyjoy: im not drunk enough for this

Sansa Stark changed this group’s name from roomies to days until rent: 7

Theon Greyjoy to Sansa Stark: waht did you do?

Theon Greyjoy: what*

Sansa Stark: please tell me what you think i did

Theon Greyjoy: you moved all of the bathrooms stuff around

Theon Greyjoy: i cant find anything

Theon Greyjoy: and theres this awful feminine smell lingering around

Sansa Stark: i organized the bathroom!

Sansa Stark: and that smell is english lavender which I FIND PLEASING

Theon Greyjoy: this is a declaration of war

Robb Stark to Gendry Waters: the toaster is broken

Gendry Waters: why are you telling me this?

Robb Stark: you fix stuff for a living

Gendry Waters: gods

Gendry Waters: im a mechanic

Gendry Waters: I FIX CARS

Theon Greyjoy to Jon Snow: why the fuck

Theon Greyjoy: i hate you

Theon Greyjoy: traitor

Jon Snow: context pls

Theon Greyjoy: ever since your girlfriend move in with us

Theon Greyjoy: she has been spreading her grasp around the apartment and taking over everything

Jon Snow: sansa has been living with us for four months

Jon Snow: why are you only talking about this with me now?

Theon Greyjoy: this is a war, snow

Theon Greyjoy: pick a side

Jon Snow: lemme see

Jon Snow: woman who doesn’t judge my weird kink and is into it vs man who closed his door when i puked in the corridor

Theon Greyjoy: I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO PUKE IN MY BEDROOM

Jon Snow: it’s not a hard decision, theon

Theon Greyjoy: i will remember this

Sansa Stark to Robb Stark: robb

Sansa Stark: robbie

Sansa Stark: robert

Robb Stark: that’s not my name

Robb Stark: what do you want?

Sansa Stark: why do you think i want something?

Sansa Stark: cant i just want some quality time with my brother?

Robb Stark: why cant i believe that?

Robb Stark: maybe our shared history is the reason

Robb Stark: just tell me what you want and ill think about it

Sansa Stark: i need you on my side on this war with theon

Sansa Stark: i already have jon so that leaves him with only gendry

Robb Stark: can’t

Sansa Stark: why not?????

Robb Stark: theon already asked me to be on his team

Sansa Stark: aND YOU SAID YES?

Robb Stark: well yeah

Sansa Stark: why?

Robb Stark: cause hes my best friend and i love him?

Sansa Stark: i’m your sister!

Robb Stark: and?

Sansa Stark: your own flesh and blood!

Robb Stark: well my own flesh and blood failed to ask me first!

Sansa Stark: bitch

Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: is there an hr to this building so i can complain about mrs mordane?

Theon Greyjoy: omg go to sleep

Theon Greyjoy to Gendry Waters: gendry

Gendry Waters: no

Theon Greyjoy: you dont even know what i was going to say!

Gendry Waters: you’re going to ask me to be on your team in this feud with sansa

Theon Greyjoy: well shit

Gendry Waters: my answer is no

Theon Greyjoy: are you on sansa’s side?

Gendry Waters: nah i told her no too

Theon Greyjoy: waht?

Theon Greyjoy: why?

Gendry Waters: im neutral in this war

Gendry Waters: gendry waters is switzerland

Sansa Stark left this group.

Theon Greyjoy left this group.

Gendry Waters to days until rent: 3: oh shit

Jon Snow left this group.

Robb Stark left this group.

Sansa Stark to Gendry Waters: gendry

Sansa Stark: if you enter my team in secret and act as my spy

Gendry Waters: i won’t

Sansa Stark: let me finish

Gendry Waters: there’s nothing you can say that will make me be on your team

Sansa Stark: jon and i will put in a good word for you with arya

Gendry Waters: ...

Gendry Waters: keep talking

Sansa Stark to Theon Greyjoy: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MAKE UP?

Theon Greyjoy: i dont know what you are talking about

Sansa Stark: 2K WORTH OF MAKE UP GONE IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE

Sansa Stark: AND YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT IT?

Theon Greyjoy: wow 2k worth of make up?

Theon Greyjoy: have you ever thought about seeing a therapist for your problem?

Sansa Stark: you dont wanna go there, theon balon greyjoy

Theon Greyjoy: that’s not my middle name

Sansa Stark: you have until tomorrow to give me back my make up

Sansa Stark: or you will regret the day that you were born

Theon Greyjoy: joke’s on you

Theon Greyjoy: i already regret it

Jon Snow to Sansa Stark: hey baby

Jon Snow: wanna watch a movie today?

Jon Snow: incredibles 2 seems nice

Sansa Stark: i don’t wanna go outside anymore

Jon Snow: why not?

Sansa Stark: when i went to work today, everyone asked me if i was sick or tired

Sansa Stark: theon is mean

Jon Snow: i know baby

Jon Snow: we’re going to make him regret it

Sansa Stark: we will

Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: where the hell are you? your stuff is all gone

Theon Greyjoy: asha agreed to house me for a few days

Theon Greyjoy: im scared of sansa’s next move

Robb Stark: but i miss you :(

Theon Greyjoy: you will survive without me while i plan my next attack

Robb Stark: i hate you

Robb Stark: why cant we just stop this?

Robb Stark: its ridiculous

Theon Greyjoy: its called honor, robert

Robb Stark: that’s not my name

Theon Greyjoy: sansa needs to know that our apartment is a BOYS apartment

Theon Greyjoy: she can’t just change it to fit her needs

Robb Stark: i like living with her

Robb Stark: our fridge has actual food for once

Robb Stark: everything is clean and smells so nice

Robb Stark: we havent spent any days without water or light because she reminds everyone to pay the bills

Theon Greyjoy: it doesnt matter

Theon Greyjoy: snow shouldnt have invited her to live with us

Robb Stark: she was getting evicted!

Theon Greyjoy: SHE HAS A TRUST FUND

Robb Stark: WHICH SHE CAN’T TOUCH BEFORE SHE IS 25

Margaery Tyrell to Sansa Stark: ive got the paint

Sansa Stark: nice

Sansa Stark: how much do i owe you?

Margaery Tyrell: nothing

Margaery Tyrell: ruining theon greyjoy’s favorite thing is priceless

Theon Greyjoy to Sansa Stark: what did you to my car?

Sansa Stark: i don’t know what you’re talking about

Sansa Stark: i thought pink would be very appropriate

Sansa Stark: and hello kitty ears

Sansa Stark: don’t you agree?

Theon Greyjoy: waht the fuck

Theon Greyjoy: why?

Sansa Stark: this is war

Theon Greyjoy: you dont scare me sansa stark

Theon Greyjoy: i’ve worked in retail for three years

Theon Greyjoy: i fear nothing

Theon Greyjoy to Jon Snow: i need safe passage to the apartment

Jon Snow: why do you think i can give that you?

Theon Greyjoy: ill pay you

Jon Snow: you’re as broke as i am

Theon Greyjoy: cmon snow

Theon Greyjoy: your little girlfriend already ruined my car

Theon Greyjoy: just let me come home and have one day of peace

Jon Snow: ugh

Jon Snow: fine

Jon Snow: sansa is working the night shift today

Theon Greyjoy: thanks

Theon Greyjoy: i owe you one

Jon Snow: no worries

Theon Greyjoy: quick question

Theon Greyjoy: gendry is a spy against me for sansa, right?

Jon Snow: oh yeah definitely

Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: hey

Theon Greyjoy: hey

Robb Stark: what are you doing?

Theon Greyjoy: nothing much

Theon Greyjoy: in a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your sister’s hate for mustard yellow?

Robb Stark: ten. why?

Theon Greyjoy: just curious

Robb Stark: what are you doing?

Theon Greyjoy: you will find out

Jon Snow to Sansa Stark: dont come home

Sansa Stark: why?

Sansa Stark: what happened?

Jon Snow: i trusted theon

Sansa Stark: jon we talked about this

Sansa Stark: dont trust the enemy!

Sansa Stark: now go out there and do a counter attack

Sansa Stark: sex tonight depends on what you did

Jon Snow: now i got a motivation

Jon Snow to Robb Stark: im sorry

Jon Snow: like really sorry

Jon Snow: please forgive me

Robb Stark: i thought your mother taught you how to knock

Jon Snow: how was i supposed to know that you two would be having sex?!

Robb Stark: theon is not exactly the most quiet person

Jon Snow: i thought he was masturbating

Robb Stark: did you delete the picture?

Jon Snow: hell yeah

Robb Stark: good

Jon Snow: so...

Jon Snow: how long has this been going on?

Robb Stark: little over two months

Jon Snow: why didn’t you tell me?

Robb Stark: it’s pretty new

Robb Stark: plus theon is trying to find ways to tell his family

Jon Snow: difficult huh?

Robb Stark: yeah

Robb Stark: i hope this is a way to end this stupid fight

Jon Snow: i kind of had fun with it

Jon Snow: except tonight

Jon Snow: tonight was a nightmare

Sansa Stark to Theon Greyjoy: roses are red. violets aren’t blue. robb is a top and the bottom is you.

Theon Greyjoy: how much thinking did you put into this?

Sansa Stark: more than i am proud of

Gendry Waters added Sansa Stark to this group.

Gendry Waters added Robb Stark to this group.

Gendry Waters added Jon Snow to this group.

Gendry Waters added Theon Greyjoy to this group.

Arya Stark to Gendry Waters: hey i heard you’re the fifth wheel in the apartment

Gendry Waters: yeah :/

Arya Stark: wanna fix that?

[incorrect-kotor-quotes]

Please continue to compare Final Fantasy VII and KOTOR. I need more of this.

I don’t have any quotes in mind, but if you find it funny, here’s my reaction as a first-time player to the game so far.

I’m talking to the secondary members of Avalanche, and, yeah, they’re all going to die.

Did they just leave a small child in charge of the bar?

As disturbing as this whole mob boss infiltration mission is, I can’t help but find it funny how enthusiastic Aerith is about getting Cloud to wear a dress. She is dead-set on getting him to wear one. And the wig, can’t forget the wig.

Wow, they’re really going to make me run up all these stairs. That’s… kind of brilliant.

Where’s the option to kill the deputy mayor and get my money back for those “hints”?

I’m seriously doubtful of Hojo’s understanding of biology if he thought… that… would yield anything useful. Also, I am never going to not stop finding Red XIII weird.

I can’t find the button to attack left on my motorcycle, so I’m stuck trying to keep all the other drivers on my right. It’s working, sort of.

I’m romancing Tifa. Thanks to reference osmosis, I know who dies in this game and I’m not getting onto that sinking ship.

I am going to shove my stupidly gigantic sword up the Midgar Zolom’s ass (or whatever you call it on a ten-meter serpent) if it’s the last thing I do.

With the right timing, I was able to run past the Midgar Zolom. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be possible, but at least I can save money on that stuff used to catch chocobos.

Is it possible for this child to die if I screw up the CPR minigame? Also, there’s a CPR minigame?

I utterly failed the infiltration mission at every possible opportunity, yet somehow this had no negative consequences.

There’s a talking cat riding on top of… I don’t know what that’s supposed to be, and he has forcefully joined my party.

Why is this prison infested with weird floating masks?

I lost the first chocobo race. On the second one, I was doing okay, then I had to go take care of something, didn’t hit the pause button, then when I came back it turned out I won. Waht.

Half of the enemies in this game elicit a response of “I don’t know that that is, but I’m going to beat the shit out of it”. I’ve fought living motorcycles, Dobby the elf, a tankceratops, a fabergé egg/matroska doll, and a sentient house.

I hate the frogs the most. They attack five at a time and just keep transforming me into a frog. Why.

The talking cat is going to betray me.

Ninja Misssion Vao is my daughter now and I will kill anyone who harms her.

Okay, after a bunch of backtracking and grinding to get up to the right level, and through the combined power of several gods, I have killed the Midgar Zolom. Finally, I can cross this stupid swamp in peace.

The Midgar Zolom respawns immediately. Fuck, ABORT!

Where’s the option to threaten and attack everyone in Fake Nibelheim until they answer me honestly?

Sweet, I have a plane now.

Ninja Misssion betrayed me, stole my best items, and has left me to die. Once I get them all back, she’s grounded.

Dammit, I can’t ground her, she’s the third-strongest person in the party.

The Forgotten Capital is beautiful, and the music makes it very atmospheric. It’s too bad I can’t figure out how to get to the next door around that goddamn fish. 

Yep, she’s dead. C’mon, with all the enemies we’ve fought, I’m sure she could survive at least one stab through the chest.

“End of Part One”? How long is this game?

Cloud is gone, we have a giant airship, and Tifa is the main character now. I could get used to this.

Dammit, I found Cloud and Tifa is staying with him. Now Cid’s in charge. Fine, as long as I don’t get stuck with Cat Shit.

That was an interesting plot twist. Gonna have to play through the flashback again.

I’ve got a submarine!

There’s a big, green, ethereal thing wandering around the bottom of the ocean, and it is creeping me out. I’m gonna fight it.

That was a terrible idea.

Apparently it’s called the “Emerald Weapon”, and it has a million hit points. Literally 1,000,000. My strongest attacks can’t even take off 1% of its health.

On the plus side, the Midgar Zolom, which has 4,000, has ceased to pose a threat. I killed ten of them in a row.

I’ve been to Golden Saucer multiple times now and I still haven’t found any way to obtain their fake currency. I went to the areas they said to, no one offers to exchange.

Why are we trying to stop Shinra from gathering materials to destroy the meteor? I know they’re assholes, but they do have the most resources to deal with the problem.

I’m with Cid on using the Huge Materia to destroy the meteor. It has to be more effective than slamming it with an empty rocket. That’s just science!

Cid, you fucking idiot, why did I listen to you? You can’t even make your own goddamn tea!

I’m running into a bit of a problem since I did some grinding with Tifa and Ninja Mission, so now they’re a couple levels about Cloud, who keeps dying, then he doesn’t get experience from the battles, so he’s fallen another level behind. And I’m about to fight Hojo, I can’t just go back and slaughter some wildlife to gain their power.

That’s as far as I’ve gotten right now. I’m enjoying it, but this game is really really weird.

[bangtanluv01]

BTS reaction to their S/O being cold

Jin:

He’d be like a parent, always prepared. He’d slightly overreact the whole situation. Once you told him that youre quite cold as you’re watching a movie sitting on your couch, he’d take a huge bag out of nowhere. ‘I knew you’re gonna get cold, so I decided came prepared for everything. I have socks, some extra blankets, my clothes, cos i know you like them so much, i brought a heatting pad, also some tea, hot chocolate, ohhh and…’ You’d cut him off by saying that cuddles will be enough. But in a matter of second he would be  wrapping you in his hoodie, pushing a mug with tea into your hands and throwing a shit load of blankets around you.

‘NOW we can cuddle’. Till the rest of the evening you were surrounded with overwhelming heat. You wouldn’t mind it tho, cos you’d love the way Jin carred about you.

Yoongi:

He’d always complain about you not dressing propearly for the weather. He was kinda right tho. You didn’t like wearing many layers of clothing. You thought that a jacket with a sweater undernith would be enough for the snowy day. Well it wasn’t. During a walk that you and Yoongi decided to go for, you starter regreting not bringing a hat or a scarf with you. Yoongi notice that you’re shivering. He’d stap walking all of the sudden, cross his arms on his chest and just stare at you. ‘What?’ you’d ask, knowing what he’s about to say. He’d give you the familiar look. ‘I told you it’s cold as fuck.’ was the only thing he said. After a second of silence he’d get closer to you wraping both arms arond your waist and snuggling his head in the crock of your neck. ‘Why are you never listening to me?’ He’d mummble against your neck. He’d pull away, leaving his arms where they were before. He’d look you in the eyes before saying ‘If i get sick, you’re gonna be the one that will take care of my grumpy ass’. As the last words left his lips, he’d take his hat and scarf off and put them on you. You’d smile lightly at your bf cute action. ‘You ok now?’ he’d ask. ‘Yeeahh, thank you oppa’. You’d wrap your arms around his figure and stay like it for a while, trying to warm up.

Hoseok:

This boy would waste no time, once he noticed that his baby’s shaking from the low tempereture. As you were walking back home from a date that Hobi has planned for you two, you’d start feeling a uncomfortable coldness seeking through you light jacket. He’d notice it right away and quiclky  shrug his coat off of his sholders. He’d wrap it around you and leave a soft kiss on your lips. He’d pull away immediately feeling your coldness. ‘Oh my god, you’re turing into a ice cube’ you could hear a bit of a worry in his voice. He’d pull you into a bear hug . ‘We are taking a uber. I’m not gonna let you freez’. ‘No, Hobi, I’m fine now. ‘you’d say trying to calm him down. ‘Noooo, you’re gonna get sick and that means i’m gonna get sick too and at the momet we can’t affore that honey. I have planned so many things for us this week.’ he’d say while ordering a ride home. You’d give in eventually and hug him from behing. ‘You’re getting a uber only cos YOU’RE cold now, am i right?’ ‘Ohhh princesse, I’m not walking back home without a coat in like -50*C’ you’d laugh at your bf sassiness and obviousness. The ride home was filled with laughing and snuggling into Hoseok side.

Namjoon:

The cold air would reach your skin as soon as Namjoon opened your shared bedroom door. He’d notice you shiver at theb sudden change of temperature. He’d smirk to himself before collaspisn next to you. ‘Awwwww, cold?’ You’d just nood in a response. He’d groan and get up. He’d pull one of his warmest hoodies out of his closet and pull it over your head. You’d smile shily to yourself. ‘Well if that doesn’t help I know a better methood to make you warm, but you’d have to take if off, princesse ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) .’ he’d say as he starts playing with the hoodie strings near your neck. He’d give you the ‘you know waht i want look’, but you’d just pull him closer and snuggle your head into his neck.’How about you go and make me some chocolate instead?’ A annoyed groan left his lips as you let go of him. He’d get up and mumble ‘My option is more fun’ as he’s walking out of the room. You’d laugh at how childish he sounded and snuggle under the covers to recive more warmth.

Jimin:

One word- koala. After he noticed that you’re slightly uncomfortable sitting on the cauch due to the coldness that was filling the BTS dorm, he’d wrap his entire body around you. I aint gonna lie, it worked. His cheek would be pressed against yours, his arms tightly wrapped wround your shoulders and his legs around your lower torso. You’d laugh at how cute he was behaving. After you got warm he still wouldn’t let go of you. He loved having you that close to him. (It’s soooo short, i’m sorryy)

Taehyung:

I feel like same as Jimin he’d try to warm you up with his own body. It would be  around 2 am, but you still couldn’t sleep. The coldness would rush through your body. Even tho you had like 3 blankets wrapped around you, ocold air still somehow got to you. You couldn’t understand how Tae could sleep next to you with only one this blanket that didn’t even cover his entire body. In a attempt to warm up, you decided to tangle your legs with his. You’d quiclky pull of the covers off of your feet and snuggled them next to Tae’s. As soon as your foot toutched his, he’d woke up. ‘God Damn, that was like an ice cube’ He’d mumble sleepily. ‘Ohh sorry, i didn’t mean to wake you up. I‘m just cold and I tried to warm up.’ He wouldn’t say anyting. He’d just pull you close to him, wrapping his arms around your waist. Automatically you’d get warm. His hot breath on your neck would make the whole situation even more enjoyable. You’d be quickly asleep feeling your bf warmth.

Jungkook:

Let’s be real. He’d probably forgotten his jacket as well. As you’d be walking to McDoanld’s (because why fuxing not) both of you would shiver. None of you thought that the weather would be this cold that day. As soon as you reached your destination, you’d order a shit ton of food just to warm yourselves up. TBH it wouldn’t be no different situation for you two. He isn’t the biggest fan of many layers of clothes, cos he thinks it’s uncomfortable, and so do you. So quickly running to the closest restaurand just to get some warmth would be a common thing for you.

(i don’t own the gifs)

Heyy guys! I hope you guys like it. It took me like 2H to write, so pls show it some love. Requests are open, so be sure to send me your ideas :)

Btw i’ve just his 130 followers in a little over a week. Thank you all for supporting me!

                                                                                           All the love, Xx

[streamingtheconscious]

10.6.21

Just teared up a bit after i got off the phone w/ mommy. She got into an argument with H about how they treat each other. M decided to go to the wedding so H made me try to book the flight. I couldn’t use the credit and had to call but its fucking 11:03PM right now, id have to call tomorrow. She said it was too much trouble and said she’s sorry. I couldn’t help but think she wanted to end her life. IDK why that thot came into my head. I hope she has reasons to live. im sure i am one of them. but the two other close people in her life are bullying her and not validating her feelings. it hurts me to see her sad and lonely. I fully realize how much she depended on other people and that’s something i never want to do. I think she will be fine. we talked about things she would do this weekend to occupy herself. I left on a good note. why cant H and D treat her like this too- instead of arguing their heads off. I am trying to send compassion to them but what im hearing from all sides isn’t pretty. M wants D to say come to the wedding but she should go on her own terms. not bc of what someone else wants. thankfully i am not home to experience this every day. feel very grateful, but also part of me thinks i should be there to intervene and protect my mom. that is stress i dont want but it might be worth it. 

i keep using this situation as an excuse for why i am quiet at work. i am not comfortable with people thinking i am quiet and shy at work. i feel embarassed to knock on peoples doors, i am not quick enough to respond w/ wit. I put a lot of pressure on myself to protect my reputation. at what cost. the anxiety of thinking waht to say or do is exhausting. I really do need to get some good sleep before this wedding. 

[doggonneit]

The Last Red Scribble | Part 1/2

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing/Characters: Kuroo/Tsukishima

Rating: T for Teen

Warnings: Single Parent AU

A.N. This is a part of the KuroTsuki Gift Exchange 2017, written for @moonislander on Tumblr. Hope you enjoy!

Italics is Tsukishima. Bold is Kuroo.

[Read on AO3]

Monday PM

(2:33) I’m about to slam my head into the wall. (2:33) Tobio got into another fight. (2:34) He’s fucking five, how does he keep picking fights.  

(2:35) what a champ

(2:35) What the fuck, Akiteru. (2:35) You’re not supposed to say that.

(2:36) wrong number bud but legit (2:36) tobios got a future in cage fighting (2:36) whos tobio

(2:38) Oh, sorry. Wrong number.

(2:40) well dont leave me hanging (2:40) i need to know who to put my money on in the future

(2:41) Don’t make this weirder than it already is.

(2:41) :)))))

(2:42) Tobio’s my son.

(2:43) are you an old man (2:43) is that why you started texting me (2:44) STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER

(2:45) What the fuck, no. (2:46) I messed up my brother’s new number. (2:46) Evidently.  

(2:46) eviDENTly (2:47) arent you all smart and proper (2:47) thats how i like em

(2:49) Are you seriously flirting with me over text? (2:49) You don’t know stranger danger at all. (2:50) I don’t have time for this.  

(2:53) :((((( (2:55) come back

(2:56) I have to deal with my son.

(2:56) what an adulty adult (2:57) tell tobio hes a fucken champ

.

Tuesday AM

(7:22) sooo (7:22) i know your brothers name and your sons name (7:22) but not your name

(7:25) …

(7:25) hint hint

(7:26) Have you seen the latest stranger danger campaign? (7:26) It’s got your face all over it.  

(7:27) you think youre being funny but my mates crack jokes about my ugly mug making children cry (7:28) would tobio cry if he ever saw me

(7:30) He doesn’t even know what you look like.

(7:31) *image attached*

(7:34) I really don’t have time for this. I’m getting Tobio ready for school.

(7:35) if life were a party youd be the clown that sucks all the fun away (7:35) XP

(7:36) Why are you making that face?

(7:36) you hurt my feelings so im sticking my tongue out at you

(7:38) No-one uses that emoji for hurt feelings.

(7:39) i just did (7:39) XP (7:39) oh look i just did it again (7:39) XP (7:39) and again look at me go

(7:42) All right, all right, I’ll ask. (7:44) Tobio says you look like you killed a cat.  

(7:44) how does someone even look like that (7:44) your son needs glasses (7:45) what do you think then (7:45) smouldering eyes wicked grin (7:45) admit it im pretty

(7:46) Yeah, pretty atrocious. (7:46) What’s with that hair?

(7:47) HI THIS IS KUROOS BEST FREIDN FOERVER BOKUTO PLS DONT METNION HIS BEHDEAD IT MAKES HM SELF CONSCOIUS

(7:47) Aww. Is Kuroo sulking now?

(7:47) sajfkdsjp (7:47) asdffhajlkkasdfghijkl

(7:48) I feel like I should be concerned. (7:50) I am actually concerned.  

(7:51) how do i get rid of a body

(7:51) What.

(7:51) how do i (7:51) get rid of (7:51) a body

(7:51) Cook him and serve him to the police who knock on your door asking for his whereabouts.

(7:52) babe thats brilliant (7:52) youre a committed accomplice now

(7:52) On a scale of 1-10, how often do you hit on nameless and faceless strangers over the phone?

(7:52) 1 (7:53) its only ever been you (7:53) *heart emoji*

(7:53) I’m flattered.

(7:53) we have a dilemma (7:54) you know my name and my face (7:54) ive lost the advantage (7:54) who are you o mysterious phone man

(7:54) You really want to know?

(7:55) yes!!

(7:55) Well (7:55) My name is (7:55) *middle finger emoji*  

(7:56) i am (7:56) fucking betrayed (7:56) my own accomplice

(7:57) :)))))

.

Wednesday PM

(4:17) *image attached* (4:17) fight gloves for tobio when he grows up lololol

(4:20) Don’t even joke about that.

(4:21) did he get into another fight (4:21) whatd he do steal another kids party pie

(4:22) He ruined someone’s sandcastle.

(4:22) that punk

(4:22) He also threw the bucket at their head and made them cry.

(4:23) holy shit (4:23) i know you cant see but im pissing myself laughing

(4:23) That’s the second time this month. (4:24) Is he going for a new record? How concerned should I be? (4:24) I should ask my brother for advice.  

(4:24) okay but in all seriousness (4:25) dont kids usually act out because theyre upset about things

(4:26) Yep.

(4:26) you sound like you know whats going on

(4:27) Yep.  

(4:27) is the thing not an easy fix

(4:28) Tobio can’t exactly move back into his old neighbourhood and old school.

(4:28) ohhh (4:28) i get that totally been there (4:29) though that happened to me in middle school so i handled it differently

(4:30) You mean you didn’t stomp on sandcastles and throw buckets at people’s heads? (4:30) Shocking.  

(4:31) real mature of me ayy (4:31) but its chill tobio just needs time to adjust

(4:32) He’s been living with me for four months already.

(4:33) hes trying to survive a new environment (4:33) go easy on him

(4:35) All good and well until he accidentally kills one of his classmates.

(4:35) what could he possibly do (4:35) nah dont answer that

(4:36) You’re not inspiring much confidence right now.

(4:37) okay hows this (4:38) the most dangerous thing in a school is a pencil (4:38) if he stabs it through someones eye (4:38) what are the chances of a five year old having that good of an aim

(4:39) We could be surprised.

(4:40) lets give tobio the benefit of the doubt (4:40) have i brought your fears to rest or nah

(4:50) You’re interesting to talk to, I’ll give you that.

(4:50) is that why youve kept talking to me despite the anonymous and rather suspicious nature of our relationship

(4:50) Sure.

(4:51) *heart eyes emoji*

.

Thursday PM

(6:44) ive been thinking

(6:46) Make sure you give yourself a break every ten minutes. We wouldn’t want to strain your mental capabilities.

(6:47) hush child i got something to say (6:47) about tobio sort of

(6:48) I’m listening.

(6:49) so yesterdays conversation made me go all introspective (6:49) and if all tobios doing is throwing things (6:50) the lil guy will go far in life (6:50) i mean when i was five i was eating sand

(6:51) Congratulations, you just tripped over the lowest bar society set for its most basic standards.

(6:51) savage i love it (6:52) bokuto just called me a masochist (6:52) he doesnt even know what that means i bet he learned it from akaashi

(6:54) … (6:55) Who’s Akaashi?  

(6:55) the most beautiful man to grace the earth and bokutos boyfriend (6:55) im not even kidding his face was sculpted by gods (6:56) *image attached*

(6:57) Wow.

(6:57) exactly (6:57) no one knows how bokuto snagged him (6:58) my moneys on witchcraft

(6:59) Have a little more faith in your Best Freidn Foerver.

(6:59) hes my best bro but he does NOT have that much game

(6:59) You misspelled Best Freidn Foerver.

(7:00) all right he types like an electrocuted toddler (7:00) hes there for me during the good bad and ugly (7:00) and i support him 100% (7:01) but theres no logical explanation for how he got akaashi

(7:01) Maybe he has charm.

(7:02) gasp (7:02) babe (7:02) did you just imply i dont have any charm

(7:03) I didn’t say anything of the sort but it’s an apt description.

(7:03) you really are a savage (7:04) totally my type just saying

(7:05) For all you know I’m a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly.

(7:05) im a personality kinda guy anyway (7:05) so what do you look like

(7:07) Shh.

(7:07) ?

(7:07) Can you hear that?

(7:07) ??

(7:08) Stranger danger.

(7:08) DUDE COME ON (7:08) or are you actually a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly (7:08) because no judgement if you are

(7:10) *image attached*

(7:11) holy shit (7:11) HOLYS HIT (7:11) AJGSFAJKALHHJKKKLLLL

(7:13) Uh. (7:14) Hello? (7:15) Are you there? (7:18) I’m actually kind of worried now.  

(7:20) Hi, this is Akaashi. Kuroo’s fine; he’s muttering to himself on the floor. (7:21) Something about being sculpted by gods and touched by angels?

(7:22) What the fuck.

(7:22) Nice selfie :)

.

Friday PM

(9:28) arms (9:28) abs (9:28) legs (9:28) sore

(9:31) Do I really want to know? (9:31) No, I don’t.  

(9:32) :( (9:32) i experienced life death and hell all in the same day

(9:33) Now I can’t not know.

(9:33) i had vball training for a match next week and it was torture (9:33) and when we thought it was done no (9:34) we had practice matches with alumni and it was torture round two (9:34) then i had coaching which i usually love (9:34) but the kids kept spiking balls at me (9:35) 10 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS BODY 50 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS HEAD 100 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS NOSE

(9:36) You play volleyball?

(9:37) thats all you took from that

(9:37) I used to play volleyball in high school.

(9:37) wait are you serious (9:37) what position??

(9:38) Middle blocker.

(9:38) me too!! (9:38) what are the chances of us both playing vball and being middle blockers (9:39) this is destiny i feel it

(9:40) That was another lifetime ago lol.

(9:40) once a vball player always a vball player (9:40) how tall are you

(9:41) 195cm, why?

(9:43) 195 and yOU DONT PLAY VBALL (9:43) this is a crime (9:44) tell me tobio plays vball

(9:45) I... don’t think he’s ever tried it?

(9:46) the outrage (9:46) how could you (9:47) i just felt my heart crack (9:47) oohhh the pain

(9:47) Poor baby. Want me to kiss it better?

(9:47) i (9:47) ijakl

(9:48) ?? (9:50) Did you disappear on me again. (9:50) This seems to be a growing trend.

(9:51) Hi, this is Akaashi again. Kuroo is currently incapacifjskkl (9:51) WAHT DID U DO TO MY BSET FREIND FOREBER WHYS HE ALL RED N CHOKN ON HIS WORSD

(9:52) Oh. (9:52) Scroll up.

(9:52) OHO (9:53) OHOHO

.

Saturday AM

(11:10) my mates wont stop laughing at me (11:10) i live in a house of dicks (11:11) cant even escape them theyre on my team (11:11) i blame you

(11:15) Sucks to be you lol.

(11:15) are you taking pleasure in my pain

(11:15) It sounds wrong when you put it that way.

(11:15) ;) (11:16) i’m still upset though (11:16) make me feel better?

(11:17) You seem to think I possess the ability to feel pity. (11:17) I don’t.  

(11:18) you know what you do possess (11:18) the ability to feel annoyance (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) is it annoying yet (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) !

(11:19) ALL RIGHT, STOP.

(11:19) victory

(11:20) What do you want.

(11:17) whats your name

(11:17) Are you serious.

(11:17) i wanna know

(11:18) You reek of desperation.

(11:18) not gonna change my mind

(11:19) …

(11:19) wanna do the whole !!! thing again

(11:21) Fine. (11:21) You’ll ask politely.

(11:21) dom huh (11:21) im into that (11:22) will you pretty please with a cherry on top tell me what your name is

(11:22) N (11:22) O (11:22) *heart emoji*

(11:24) i cant believe (11:24) how could you (11:24) youre so mean

(11:24) :)))))

(11:25) shouldve expected it (11:25) do you always play with peoples hearts like this

(11:25) I enjoy jerking you around. You make some pretty good entertainment.

(11:26) glad to be of service :’)

(11:26) I suppose I could throw you a bone.

(11:26) im not falling for it this time

(11:26) Tsukishima.

(11:27) …

(11:27) My name is Tsukishima.

(11:27) it is (11:27) up down left right with you

(11:27) Disappointed?

(11:28) NEVER WITH YOU (11:28) TSUKKIIII

(11:28) No. (11:28) Do not.  

(11:28) i love your name its beautiful like you

(11:29) I revoke your right to say my name ever again.

(11:29) TSUKKIIII (11:29) *heart eyes emoji*

(11:32) I have never regretted anything more in my life.

.

Sunday PM

(3:24) You said you have a volleyball match next week, right?

(3:28) is this a dream (3:28) are you actually texting me first

(3:29) Miracles abound today.

(3:29) yeah i have a match next week why

(3:29) I mentioned it to Tobio and he got really excited. (3:30) He made me explain everything. I spent hours talking about rules and moves.  

(3:30) i  knew that kid had the vball genes in him

(3:30) I even dug up some old practice tapes from high school. (3:31) He’s obsessed with setting.  

(3:31) hed get along with my setter (3:31) that arrogant ass (3:31) i love him though

(3:32) *image attached*

(3:33) what… is that

(3:33) Tobio’s lack of artistic talent.

(3:33) i hope you didnt tell him that

(3:34) He said it was you blocking and scoring the winning point.

(3:35) he drew a picture of me?

(3:35) He captured your likeness down to the last red scribble.

(3:35) omg… omg...

(3:37) It’s not that big of a deal.

(3:37) youre not ruining this for me (3:37) this is the best day of my life

(3:37) Remember when we talked about low standards?

(3:37) your son loves me

(3:38) He drew a picture of you.

(3:38) and how many other people has he drawn???

(3:38) …

(3:38) thought so (3:39) tell my biggest fan i said hello and thank you (3:39) its the prettiest picture ive ever gotten

(3:39) Don’t get nudes much, huh.

(3:40) wow (3:40) WOWW (3:40) that went beyond savage (3:40) that was straight up murder

(3:41) You like it.

(3:41) yeah im really wondering about that masochistic streak

(3:41) About that.

(3:42) ??

(3:42) I was thinking (3:42) If you were interested (3:42) I could help you explore that.

(3:44) i just dropped my fuckign phone (3:44) are you fucking with me right now

(3:45) Yes.

(3:46) i fucking hate you

(3:46) No, you don’t.

(3:46) no i don’t

(3:46) Why do you keep falling for these things.

(3:47) actually im falling for you

(3:47) Seriously.

(3:47) hope (3:47) its all i got buddy (3:49) is this going to be like last time when you said no but then changed your mind

(3:50) No.

(3:50) dammit

.

Monday PM

(7:18) happy one week anniversary babe (7:18) do i get a gift (7:18) eyebrow wiggle

(7:21) Did you just type -eyebrow wiggle- at me

(7:22) *video attached*

(7:23) I did not ask for a video of you wiggling your eyebrows.

(7:23) its my gift to you

(7:23) I’m so… grateful.

(7:24) cmon gift gift gift

(7:24) I don’t know, I don’t have anything. (7:24) Actually (7:25) *image attached*  

(7:25) omg is that tobio (7:25) hes so fucken cute wtf (7:26) look at those hamster cheeks (7:26) whats he eating

(7:26) Blueberry cupcake. (7:26) It’s his reward for behaving in school.  

(7:27) aww no fights today?

(7:28) His teacher said he engaged positively with other students. He was trying to play volleyball with them.

(7:28) omg thats adorable (7:28) i see where he gets it from (7:28) are you teaching him how to play

(7:30) I taught him how to receive but I’m rusty. (7:30) I should look into classes for him. (7:30) Do they even have classes for kids that young?  

(7:31) the rec centre where i coach does (7:31) idk about other places though

(7:31) Whereabouts is your rec centre?

(7:32) shh

(7:32) You’re not doing the stranger danger thing on me.

(7:32) do you hear that

(7:32) Can you hear my sigh travelling across the wind.

(7:33) STRANGER DANGER

(7:33) Are you done.

(7:33) my centres in tokyo lol

(7:34) It wouldn’t happen to be the Tokyo Sports and Recreation Centre?

(7:34) how did you know that (7:34) oh my god this is real (7:34) STRANGER DANGER

(7:36) It’s a twenty minute walk from my place.

(7:36) i know i just joked about stranger danger but should you really be telling me that

(7:37) Take it as proof that I don’t think you’re a predatory serial killer.

(7:37) thats the nicest thing youve ever said to me (7:38) *heart emoji* (7:38) well if youre interested the kiddy classes are wed 5pm and sat 10am (7:38) you can go to one or both

(7:40) Hmm.

(7:40) times no good?

(7:42) My brother has Tobio on both those days. (7:42) I’ll have to talk to him about this.  

(7:43) ahh dont wanna encroach on uncle nephew bonding time

(7:43) I don’t think Akiteru will mind-- he used to play volleyball too.

(7:43) how did you ever think tobio wouldnt be a vball player (7:44) its clearly in his genes

(7:44) Wishful thinking. I never really liked volleyball.

(7:45) what no (7:45) why

(7:46) It was just a school club. I only did it because it was something to do.

(7:47) you come into my house

(7:48) Lol.

(7:48) well hey its paying off now (7:48) i bet tobio looks at you like youre a god

(7:49) Yeah. (7:49) It’s the first time he’s really looked at me. (7:50) So thanks. (7:50) :)