#and also. a Conversation. in Some Form. so. which also means a release 4 me

[faetealights]

hmm but i do find it funny when ppl tell me shit abt him bc unfortunately i am Obsessive and i do rmb nbasically Evwrything in regards to him . esp Neow bc it all feels fucking Important.

[fallloverfic]

Finished the second season of Castlevania: Nocturne and loved it! Spoilers below.

Angry boi PROTEC HIS MAN!!!! Just his running to Mizrak, so worried. Even interrupted his revenge. I just love that his serpent form came back T-T And multiple times!!!

The fight scenes were so good!!! Just so many amazing ones!

ALSO WHAT DOES ADRIAN MEAN NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU SAVED MY LIFE???? I AM-!!!!

(So happy they know each other and I think it's hilarious my fic could potentially be a prequel now alkdjalkdjaljdalj)

Everyone cute. Annette and Richter were just awww. Glad Edouard and Annette get to stay together, and Edouard can go home and get his bass player :3

Also so many gorgeous Adrian bits. Truly. Him coming out of the river was so mmmm. Also loved all the magic he got to use XD And the music was fun!

Also loved all the Egyptian stuff. The soul count was a little... (I was like why are you saying just 2 or 3, there's more than that...?), but apparently the # of parts has changed over time (it's not just 4 or 5) and it's you know, vampires during the French Revolution, so sure, whatever. The trip to Duat was fun! And Ammit's form was pretty cool.

Poor Tera. Bye Emmanuel, no one misses you.

Loved that we got some dragon fighting. Also that the dragon didn't die. Was worried. Though I will say, Sekhmet punching it was kind of funny aldkjlaj I felt sort of bad when Juste, Richter, and Maria were all boosting its breath like, "That can't be too comfortable for the dragon..."

Just think it's funny we have animated Robespierre joining forces with the son of Dracula to defend Paris from a crazy Hungarian serial killer noble who believes she's the reincarnation of an ancient Egyptian goddess lol

The return of Drolta was really fun. I was sad she was in so relatively little of season 1. This was really great.

For historical things, I appreciate that they referenced how folks in France sold and bought food to watch executions. I also appreciate the reference to the trend of European obsession with eating mummies.

I will be thinking about Mizrox's future. I feel bad I'm mostly happy Olrox survived the season lol I like Mizrak just fine, and I like that Olrox likes him, but my priority is Olrox, not Mizrak, sorry lol Clearly they have some things to work out XD Should be fun (for someone, I hope). Someone else pointed out they never talked about the animal/soul stuff, and it was kind of just... Mizrak getting over it (or side-stepping it) and not apologizing to Olrox about it. And Olrox just... kind of accepting that the guy he's in love with is like this. I think it's funny that after having written You reluctant demon back in 2023, where they do have a conversation about it, I completely forgot it as a thing I wanted to happen lol Cause in my mind the matter is settled. Like the show, quite frankly, feels like neat fanfiction to me at this point (that's not what it is, but that's how my brain works, it's part of why I wasn't as anxious about season 2 releasing as I was for season 3 of the first series releasing). It's great in all the things it does, amazing stuff I never could have thought of, which is far better than a lot of the stuff I did in my fic (and those fight scenes, dang). But yeah, I do agree, they should have talked about it. And they don't. And it's... mm...

Another thing is that Mizrak maybe still has some racism to unpack. There's that line Olrox has about when his people were massacred by the Spanish, and Olrox says, "And our terrifying gods could do nothing to save us." And Mizrak replies, "Perhaps your gods were the problem," and it's like what the fuck Mizrak lol I don't know if it's part of his struggles with his own faith, which is very obviously happening, how if a god exists, they're allowing all this stuff to happen, that Emmanual failed so hard, and believing in a god - which is his issue - is causing so much of his issues (it's making him believe his affection for Olrox is false, that Olrox doesn't have a soul, and/or it's not saving him from what he believes is a wrong attraction, idk). Or, from a semi-logical standpoint, that Olrox's people were attacked because they weren't Christian, and that the Spanish wouldn't have attacked Olrox's people if they were Christian. Or simply that "well it's your fault for not being Christian", I have no idea. It's a weird moment. We have really not moved past the "animal" conversation all that much. Olrox is very, very forgiving. And I am way more forgiving because I forgot I resolved most of this in my fic over a year ago lol I don't know, relationships are messy, I enjoyed what I saw of them. Olrox running to Mizrak's side was a lot and I loved it. The way Olrox is like, "I thought you wanted to know" killed me.

ANYWAY though... it was a good season. Really, I liked it.

[gking10]

Liveblogging TMAGP 15: Well Run

We're already halfway there! Mid season!

"Well Run". Like a machine? Or a business? Or is someone going to spend a long time literally running?

CAT1RB-6451-22062023-22032024Hunt (aristocratic) / compulsion

Ah. Literal running it is. Aristocratic is an interesting subcategory of hunt. Perhaps there will be references to the Wild Hunt? Or are a bunch of 14th century aristocrats about to go out into the woods and suddenly go The Most Dangerous Game on each other? Maybe an early (alternate dimension) form of the Everchase?

Graphic Violence/Murder- Futility- Being Hunted- Classism- Dehumanisation- Hostile work environment- Drowning-

Oh. I'm daft. Of course the aristocrats aren't just killing themselves. They're kidnapping commoners to release out into some field and then hunt down. "Hostile work environment" I assume applies to something outside the incident. But it just hit me. "Well Run". The title's not just about the incident, it's about the OIAR itself. It's well run. A well oiled machine for... churning horror and suffering?

Episode begins.

1:54 Okay, this exchange is just really cute.

2:28 - "So… is that a no to-" It's okay, Sam. I suck at detecting sarcasm sometimes too. This conversation continues to be so very cute and I am smiling so much. It's gonna suck when we jump into a recording of people being brutalized for having less money than other people.

2:38 - "Oh, er… “The Pillowman”?" "Oh nothing, very romantic choice." Looked it up. It's a play about child murder. Incredibly romantic. 10/10 choice Sam.

2:54 - "I mean sure you could both go canoodle in some stuffy old theatre-" ALICE. Alice wherever you are going with this I do not think it is a good idea. You've already made this awkward by jumping it, it is only going to get worse. Maybe wait for them to date for like... a month before you leap into their conversations. Then it won't look desperate.

3:04 - "-or you could hear one of the great up-and-coming music sensations that is currently taking the London scene by storm!" "Let me guess, Dredgerman" Ah, the new band Alice's brother is a part of! She's advertising! Okay, I take it back, I think this is the one and only way this conversation could go to not end awkwardly. This is understandable.

3:08 - "Don’t be daft, they’re taking a break before their tour!" WELL THEN WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING ALICE? If you don't have the excuse of shilling for your brother, why are you getting involved in your ex's dating plans?

3:25 - "But it is still Luke on Bass right? How many bands is that boy in?" "which may or may not also include my incredibly talented younger brother" You are sending me on a emotional rollercoaster ;-; Okay, so she is still shilling for her brother. Okay, cool. Also we have a name! Luke! I don't think we had his name before.

3:45 - "Aha! But that’s the best bit, they’re the last ones on so you can do your boring play and then just swing by afterwards!" Alice no you had the opportunity to drop it. Alice no please don't call the original date plan boring. Alice no no no no

4:06 - "No, yeah, no, of course. So… Like, a dog sitter, or…?" Alice. Why. I'm giving you the "girlfailure" stamp, this conversation has gone too awry.

4:19 - "Babies are cool." I'm reapplying the stamp. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. The way she says it like she's promoting "babies" as a product in a commercial

4:50 - "What? I said babies were cool" Laugh. It's laugh.

5:07 - "Hi, you’ve reached The Sentinel tip-off hotline." Oh god. It's modern day. Could still be reanimated aristocrats from the 14th century though. Ghosts? Celia can call Georgie? Also I just remembered what I think was a tumblr post that went around a while ago from Jonny Sims himself. He was saying how people were simping for Needles (can relate) and simping for Mr. Blobby (can't relate, failure on my part, I know), but he drew the line at people simping for 16th century aristocracy? I think he said 16th century? Some century. Is this the episode that prompted that?

5:50 - "I can’t go to the police" Welp, seems like modern aristocracy is involved too. Not gonna lie, as a filthy American, a lot of this episode might be lost on me. Not helping is when I goggled "modern aristocrats", what showed up first was not the British royal family but instead Magic: the Gathering decks.

6:57 - "I worked with them for years and they didn’t deserve what happened to them…" I'm actually tearing up at this and I'm not even fully sure why. The idea of them being killed just because they're in a servile position? The guilt of watching your acquaintances die? I don't even know. I just. Don't feel good.

7:17 - "Apparently, they had a family shoot and wanted us to prepare the game" Like... as in gamey meat, right? Not to like... literally stick pheasants and partridges under silver domes on silver platters and then release them as the family shoot started, right? I'm probably overthinking this.

7:25 - "they were really explicit about it being larger game and wanting to know who’s kill they were eating." That is deeply concerning. A bit Fleshy, but I still feel like the focus is on the thrill of the Hunt.

Unrelated thought, this incident is filed under "compulsion". But how would you be able to tell the aristocrats are being compelled if they're just... already like this when ordering the catering? Are the caterers going to be compelled somehow to act as prey?

8:02 - "It wasn’t usual to be given center stage like that but I figured the client fancied themself a foodie and wanted to see the prep." Weirdly pitched noise here. Feels like they are drawing focus to this, but for what I am not sure.

8:36 - "Another hour passed with a couple more cars trickling in, but still no one had set out. Instead, I could see them through the leaded windows, just watching us work." Stalking. Sizing up their prey before they pounce.

8:57 - "He just gave me this look, told me to “prepare” and then headed back inside." Run. Run run run run run run run runrunrunrunrun

9:39 - "She had the same eyes, like they didn’t see people any more just “assets” and “resistance.”" Ugh. Yikes.

11:06 - "Then she raised her hand to silence me and it was as though she had slapped a gag in my mouth. I couldn’t even think of disobeying her, the words just died in my throat." There's compulsion. I assume this woman is the one people simped over. And well, she's no Needles, but if she can psychically force me to shut up, that is kinda... No. No simping for the aristocrat that is going to be classist and hunt and kill people. Daisy at least wasn't classist! And she had this growl and turned into a werewolf wife so-

11:12 Three notes. Can't tell the instrument. But music. Music is starting.

It's still going. The same note. Ding. Ding. Ding. It's actually making me uneasy. The longer this goes and the more I hear it the stiffer my body becomes because I am just waiting for it to crescendo.

11:54 Oh, the music faded so we can hear a description of having to stare down a gun that's about to shoot you. Neat!

12:40 - "Then I realized, she wasn't talking to the other guns, she was talking to us." First I thought the aristocrats would be hunting each other. Then I thought the aristocrats would be hunting the caterers. No. No. They're being made to hunt each other. It's like the Murder Club in thrill of the chase. Makes sense why some Slaughter is creeping in, with music and references to military service. This may be a Hunt, but it's also going to be a burst of sudden violence. It makes sense. Too much sense. Just pit people of a "lower class" against each other and eat popcorn on the sidelines or some shit.

13:49 - "Without taking my eyes from her I reached out and gently closed my hand around the handle of the clever in front of me" The drop in his voice as he says this. Like he's being overcome by the compulsion all over again even while recounting it.

And then the way he recounts what he does to Marcus... Its almost like he's slightly relishing in it... The caterer probably took to the compulsion fastest because he served in the military. I wonder, was his group specifically chosen for that? To feed on his fears of what he had to do during combat, force him to relieve being a machine of violence? Well Run. It can also apply to a military, now that I think of it.

14:52 - "The party ate well that night. All told, it didn't take long, maybe a half hour at most? None of them got far." I thought there wouldn't be cannibalism because it wasn't in the warnings, but yep, they ate the victims. A man who was in the military is forced to kill people and a bunch of aristocrats sitting at a table are eating the corpses. Almost as poignant of a metaphor as ripping someone's heart out and putting it in your wallet. He's so... casual about it. That's what makes this most disturbing. He's not even horrified with what he did, at least not in this moment. Maybe he'll snap back out of it... Or maybe he only made this call because the aristocrats turned on him... He did say they didn't deserve what happened to them. He had some humanity at the start of the call. Hopefully he'll snap back out of this.

15:51 - "Then the butler handed me a thick brown envelope. It was full of cash" Oh my god, they even paid him for his service. The military parallels, I can't. "and a note written in elegant cursive with just one word: “Run”." Fuck. Slightly funny the more I look at the line but still fuck.

16:12 - "I thought about handing myself in to the police, but that just feels like trapping myself in a dead end." Can't stop moving. Can't let the blood stop flowing. The Hunt needs the movement, the thrill, and action, the panic and fear.

16:23 - "Wait…" Right before this, I was about to note how the music notes are coming back. Then he said this. And then the notes go louder. Sharper. And that somehow feels like more of a jumpscare than the woman actually showing up.

16:27 - The car window shatters inwards from a sudden loud gunshot. The CATERER is wetly silenced. There is a deep pit in my stomach. A cavern that only continues to be excavated further and further in, leaving me empty of all but shock. I kept waiting for the notes to turn into full on music. It never did. The caterer was just shot.

16:39 - LADY MOWBRAY "Well run dearie. Well run..." Title drop! Also we have a name! The almost gentle positive affirmations after literally splitting his head open is disturbing, but also... No. I must convene with my shrine of Needles. I must not be swayed by militaristic aristocratic probably-an-embodiment-of-violence-demanded-and-perpetuated-by-authority woman built like a statue with a prim voice.

Incident ended. No one drowned. I thought someone was going to get drowned during the hunt. Someone gets drowned during the OIAR section?

16:47 - LADY MOWBRAY (too close) "Fascinating." WHAT WHAT WHAT WHA WHA WHAWHA HOW WHO HOW IN THE WHO LET YOU IN HERE? WHY ARE YOU NOT IN INCIDENT LAND CYBERSPACE? WHY ARE YOU REAL? Why are you saying "Fascinating" with such disturbing mirth and interest please I am not supposed to simp for you I have a reputation to uphold I have to not disappoint Jonny.

16:52 - LADY MOWBRAY CONT. "Sit." ... No comment.

16:56 - The dogs sit. They are not fur babies, they are what turns up when someone says “release the hounds”. nuirjklgbijekgrebguirkgregbeijngr WHAT ARE THESE SHOW NOTES

STOP SNIFFING CELIA. S T O P

17:40 - "A fine specimen… strong and… different…" Why are you talking about her like she's a purebreed dog you're judging at a show ;-;

17:48 - GWEN (cautiously) "Lady Mowbray?" WHY DO YOU KNOW HER? Okay, I know why, but WHY do you know her?

18:10 - "No, you won't." It's almost like Celia could sense Lady Mowbray was an avatar? Like even just the moment she showed up, Celia was not putting up with it. Apocalypse experience, maybe?

18:31 - "Bouchard… You wouldn’t be of the Cheshire Bouchard’s would you?" Cheshire Bouchard? An older member of Gwen's family, maybe? Maybe even older than Elias? You know, did Elias ever even become Institute Head here? The Institute burned down in 1999, and while Jonah Magnus leaped from James Wright and took over Elias in 1996, it's not unimaginable to think he delayed it 3 years in this timeline... Or just, you know, picked a whole different guy.

19:03 We're at a club. It's Alice's phone. Her brother Luke is performing. There's music. I'm having a great time. An honestly great time. I'm actually managing to decompress. And then I remember there is a drowning in this episode. That we have not gotten to yet.

20:23 Oh thank god, we left. Luke's cool, he seems chill.

20:36 - A tape recorder CLICKS, distantly a body shuffles in an alley off the main road. VICTIM "- the second time is up I try to grasp the air and fill my lungs that burn and rattle full." Oh. Well, that's disturbing. The fact it's going to be someone describing their own drowning is deeply unnerving.

20:56 Poem. It's a poem. Why is it a poem? That makes it freakier. What is this recorder thing? Is it Jon? Is this a recount of someone's experience during the apocalypse? As the poem gets spoke I feel like I can't even breathe or I'll drown.

21:26 - The VICTIM stumbles then falls to the ground, hard. They begin to writhe, clutching at their throat. Oh. Oh god. it just clicked for me. This isn't a recording planning. Victim is saying this. Something took her statement and now she is stuck endlessly repeating it.

21:46 - The VICTIM begins to choke. She got to the end of her drowning poem and then started drowning on land. Maybe it's not endless repetition. Are people being forced to live what their alternate-selves experienced in a fear domain? Is that it? Or is she just reliving a real choking she experienced, feeling every single bit of the trauma again in full? The poetic nature of the recounting makes me think apocalypse, where everything got dreamlike, but it could be either.

23:09 - The victim starts to speak again, quietly, bubbling up through the water and out of dead lips. Absolutely not.

She keeps. Whispering. Her poem. This is Fear Domain shit. This is apocalypse domain shit. Some mixture of Buried and End where you drown over and over and feel yourself die over and over and have to feel every sensation of your own corpse bloat with water as you're powerless to move.

Deeper… Deeper… Down among the dead and swollen flesh so pale within this lightless place where eyes are open cloudy white and all the water pushes down upon a lifeless form that sinks and sinks down to the bottom that is not there no sandy grave below the swell no rest among the coral and the depths I feared so much but reached up and over land to claim me still

Endless sinking. Some Vast in there too, maybe? First reminded me of Adrift, episode 195 of TMA, but here the focus is more on the drowning and the choke... But the ceaseless depths of the ocean are there... But I'm also thinking of Episode 11 of TMAGP. Marked. The sailor's tattoo. The calling of the sea as final resting place. "Reached up and over land to claim me still". Hmmm...

And it's done. How is Alice seeing this going to affect her? Is she going to start looking for answers too? Or is she going to double and triple down on her "don't ask questions, just do the job" mentality?

This one was plenty disturbing. The hunting incident was a really good metaphor, and this scene at the end? I am shivering.

[whovianwatchingstartrek]

A Whovian Watches Star Trek for the First Time: Part 091 - Sirens from Orion

Star Trek: Enterprise - Season 4 Episode 17 - Bound

So, Enterprise is seeking a planet to establish a human Star Base on, and apparently we've found a perfect one. Supposedly there's dragons there, but it's likely those reports are exaggerated. However, while on route, Enterprise encounters an Orion Syndicate ship that wants Archer to disable weapons

Archer negotiates that both ships should deactivate their weapons at the same time, and the other ship complies. Apparently, they want to smooth over their pas difficulties.

I find the friction between Trip and the new Chief Engineer interesting Apparently Kelby is resentful that Archer has asked Trip to stick around for repairs. T'Pol also tries to have a conversation with Trip about the shared daydream a few episodes ago, but Trip basically shuts her down. He wants to appear a lot more over her than he actually is.

On the Orion ship, Archer and Malcolm are negotiating with the Orion captain, and we learn a bit more about the syndicate. Apparently, while they are slavers, they're not pirates, which I think is an interesting distinction, but that doesn't track with how the Enterprise crew were taken last time we met Orions. Also, apparently, it's bad form to discuss business before entertainment, which in this case means either a meal or an uncomfortable sensual dance sense with some slaves. It kinda bothers me that Archer and Malcolm are so entranced by the slaves dance, and scene just kept going and going.

Apparently the syndicate wants to make a mining deal with Starfleet, and they threw in the three slave girls as a gift to show good faith. He accepts, hopefully to free them (Although apparently he hasn't told them they aren't property). But now they keep seducing the crew, and judging by everyone's reaction to them, they must have some sort of pheromone effect on the crew. One of the girls ends up sleeping with archer, and the camera going forward after that scene is all wide angles and kinda shaky, as if he's drunk, so definitely some pheromone effect.

Enterprise arrives at the planet, but they're immediately attacked. The ship's weapons dont have much effect on Enterprise, but in his current state, Archer orders a full phase canon strike on it, which everyone on the bridge knows is a complete over-reaction, and refuse orders. The other ship simply moves off.

Another one of the girls pushes Kelby into acting against trip, and sets the reactor off. A fist fight between Kelby and Trip breaks out, and they have to take the Engine off line, and basically all the repairs are reset.

Phlox confirms my pheromone theory, and apparently everyone in the crew has been effected except Trip and T'Pol. The Orion girls are put into Quarantine, and their quarters are searched. A communication device is found, and the slave girls keep playing into Archer's current state to try and get him to release them. The Pheromones seem to give them some control over his actions.

The Orion ship arrives at a meeting point, and it's captain revealed that all of this was a ploy to take out Archer. Enterprise is unable to manoeuvre because the engines are down, so as much as it can fire back, it's still an easy target. The Orions take out Enterprise's weapons and start towing Enterprise away to Orion. The captain of the Orion ship then reveals that it's actually the slavers that are the slaves, not the women, which isn't the great take the episode thinks it is. They were still happily selling other species into slavery. The Orion girls arrive on the bridge, and start trying to turn Archer, Malcolm and Travis against everyone, but Trip stuns them. I love how baffled they are at trip's immunity to them. Trip hands them off back to the orion ship, and things are getting back to normal.

This episode made me feel kinda uncomfortable to begin with, but as the focus shifted away from the Orion girls and towards the crew it got better. I don't know if I would go as far to call the episode enjoyable, but the way it forced Trip and T'Pol to acknowledge their relationship, first through the Psychic bond that was keeping Trip Immune and then through T'Pol finally admitting she wants to be around Trip.

The list I'm following recommends to skip the next two episodes until a while later, so next up is Episode 20, and I'm getting really close to the end of Enterprise now. Between that little skip, and the finale also being skipped until much later, I've only got two episodes left.

[theanimeview]

[Anime Review] Dragon’s Dogma: Compare And Contrast

Source: Dragon’s Dogma, Episode 2

By: Krow Smith | @coffeewithkrow

Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen is a game I hold near and dear to my heart. It is a Japanese action RPG in a high fantasy setting where you fight Harpies and Ogres, with the end goal of slaying a Dragon who has stolen your heart (literally). Is the story the best? Not really, but there is definitely something there to make you think and it is serviceable with a fantastic class system that keeps me coming back to replay it over and over again. In fact, throughout the years it has become one of my obsessions! This is why I viewed the release of the Dragon’s Dogma 2 showcase with such excitement, as I thought about what could be improved for the series. So, with my growing anticipation, I decided to finally watch Netflix’s Dragon’s Dogma and compare it with the game it is based on, which is what you are about to read below.

Source: Dragon’s Dogma, Episode 1

Episode One: Wrath

In comparison to the game, I can see where the story team is going with the plot. Not everything is going to be an exact copy story-wise, nor should it. Some things work better in the medium they were created in and need to be redone in order for them to fit into another form. Especially when, in the game, you create your character and go on a quest that’s the same for everyone who plays. With Netflix’s Dragon’s Dogma, you’re now following Ethan, who has his own past and his own path that is very different from the game.

For example, both settings for the game and the show start in a small fishing village named Cassardis. Yet, Ethan is in the forest when the dragon arrives rather than your character in-game being in the village as it happens. This is to coincide with Ethan’s backstory as a hunter in the forest rather than as a fisher, like every other person in Cassardis.

However, both have a key moment, wherein the protagonist picks up the sword and attempts to attack the dragon. This is vital to the Dragon’s Dogma story as it is the sole reason why the dragon chooses to make them (Ethan and your character) an Arisen. However, the reasons for taking up the blade are different between the game’s protagonist, player, and the anime’s protagonist, Ethan.

In the game, your character is doing it to protect your home and its people. This results in the mitigation of greater harm to the village due to your courageous sacrifice. For Ethan, it was an act of wrath, while focusing on the loss of his family and home.

This difference brings me to my next comparison: the naming of episodes for the story’s progression. When I saw that the episodes are named after the seven deadly sins, I was quite perplexed. This is not a concept in the game. I mean, you can attribute some characters to certain sins, but it’s not an overt, overarching theme when it comes to the story. This idea ends up weighing down the show as they try to shoehorn the sins into each episode, mostly unsuccessfully.

In terms of judging the first episode on its own, one thing I noticed immediately was the CGI, which does not bode well when it comes to first impressions. The animations are stiff and often appear to be emotionless, making it difficult to relate to the characters. Meanwhile, the dialogue doesn’t help with this problem either—in fact, it makes it worse. With repeated uses of trite lines, such as “breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” it’s hard to take it seriously.

There were also some awkward moments, such as Ethan and Louis (an orphan Ethan and his wife had taken in as their own) having a conversation with some guards while walking past them at a considerable distance.

Overall, I give this episode a 4/10. In terms of story, it wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t special either. Also, at this point, the CGI and stale dialogue had me quite dubious of what was to come.

Source: Dragon’s Dogma, Episode 2

Episode Two: Gluttony

This is where Netflix’s Dragon’s Dogma strays far from the game in terms of geography and story. In the game, there are only 2 towns: Cassardis and Gran Soren.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous to have only 2 towns in a fantasy game, but a lot was cut out of the game during production due to budget constraints. So, I understand adding more villages for the show to make it more interesting. However, in terms of the Pawn, Hannah, they do stray quite a bit compared to the source material. This change is less understandable.

Her vocation, or what you might call “class” are significantly changed between the anime and game. There are nine vocations in the Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen game, starting with the base classes of Fighter (sword and shield), Strider (dagger and bows), and Mage (staff). Then you have the upgraded versions of those vocations with the Warrior, Ranger, and Sorcerer. Next are the mixed classes, such as Assassin or Mystic Knight. Hannah is very obviously a Magick Archer, she uses a bow and magick (as it is spelled in the game). This is an issue conflicting with source materials because Pawns can’t be any of the mixed classes, only the Arisen have this option.

Not to mention the writers decided to make her detached in a way that is heartless and inconsiderate. While Pawns in the game lack a true will of their own, they simply follow the Arisen wherever they go and are always trying to help the Arisen regardless of the quest.

Anime-Hannah, on the other hand, doesn’t care to help anyone and only wishes to commit to the quest of finding and slaying the dragon. A stark contrast to Pawns in the game as they give advice on current quests and don’t complain about wasting time.

Returning to the episode, my judgment is that it is very bland, with more predictable dialogue and obvious story beats. For example, there is a corrupt mayor who is starving the townspeople and using a Cyclops as a tool to seize all of their belongings and food in order to satiate his gluttony. It was simply a classic case of “Evil, just because.”

The mayor was so comically evil that it even caused an eye roll or two and the “twist” at the end didn’t fare much better. I sighed in disappointment as the townspeople became the embodiment of gluttony. This episode is a taste of the template that the show follows throughout the rest of the season:

Something bad is happening → Main characters help → Someone or something represents the sin the episode is named after → “twist” → character(s) for the episode die or is/are afflicted → the end

There are very slight variations to this format depending on the episode, but this is what it all boils down to, and it becomes redundant almost immediately.

Source: Dragon’s Dogma, Episode 3

Episode Three: Envy

Disclaimer: MATURE CONTENT WARNING – This episode review contains content that we at The Anime View do not think is suitable for everyone. Possible triggers or subjects include sexual assault and suicide. By clicking “Read More,” you understand that you may encounter such content. Reader discretion is advised.

Wow, this episode was hard to watch (and not for the reasons that were probably intended)! Before I get ahead of myself, let’s compare it with the game. So far, I appreciated that the monsters looked exactly as they did in their source material. I’ve also noticed a trend in which some characters are loosely based on characters from the game.

For example, the mayor from the previous episode vaguely resembles Fornival from the game—a greedy, rich man who will gladly step on the downtrodden to get what he wants. In this episode, there is a woman named Elizabeth who is reminiscent of the game’s Madeleine, a merchant who flirts with her clients and is trying to make a fortune. However, there really isn’t much else to compare.

When it comes to the story in the anime, a couple is being escorted by two guards when they are overrun with Goblins and the wife, Elizabeth, is sexually assaulted by said goblins. This scene didn’t feel necessary and I believe the show could have suggested what was happening rather than outright showing it on screen, particularly when the assault feels so out of place from other episodes.

It was poorly done in another way too, as the other characters didn’t seem that concerned for her despite her screams. Their reactions were stiff and would be more fitting if she was simply trying to fight them off on her own and needed a little assistance.

Sure, the guards were busy fighting off Goblins themselves, but there could have been more urgency and horror in their voices or expressions as they called out to the husband, Theo, to help Elizabeth. Because of that, it felt like there was a dichotomy between the show making a big deal out of the sexual assault by focusing quite intently on it, all while the characters’ reactions downplay the event. Making the entire scene feel strange and at odds with itself.

I also have issues with the “twist” at the end. After Theo has his heroic redemption by saving Elizabeth from a Griffin, he stabs his wife, so that she will always be with him. Then she lovingly remarks, “I was always yours,” even though she actively tried to cheat on him with Ethan due to Theo’s lack of bravery during her assault scene earlier in the episode.

Theo then decides to stab himself and end his own life, so they can be together again? I end this as a question because it isn’t very clear what his intention was and I’m only assuming. The entire moment felt undeserved and unoriginal, like a strange Romeo and Juliet situation without having spent an entire story with these characters or connecting with them. I was simply left with the thought: “Well, glad that’s over with.”

Source: Dragon’s Dogma, Episode 4

Episode Four: Sloth

The episodes feel very paint-by-numbers at this point and are a real drag to get through. During this episode, I heavily considered not finishing the show. However, to make a full comparison between the game and the anime, it was imperative that I finish the season. So on I watched!

Ethan and Hannah find themselves traveling through a cavern where people are addicted to a moss, causing them to laze about. This episode did a poor job of making me feel any kind of empathy for the characters that Ethan and Hannah are trying to help. Perhaps it was the stiff CGI, or the painfully predictable dialogue once again, but either way, it resulted in a complete lack of emotion in the characters and more apathy from me. Even Ethan’s rage felt like there was no tension in his body, just angry faces with no power behind his attacks.

It is at this point in the show that Hannah is expressing more care and concern for humans, while Ethan is beginning to experience a lack of empathy for them instead. The change starts almost immediately and becomes more obvious by the next episode. However, considering there are only seven episodes in the season and the lacking quality of its writing, it realistically couldn’t have had a more natural progression.

In comparison with the game, there are a few discrepancies. This episode revolves around moss that these people are using habitually as a drug. The problem is, in the game, there is no moss. There’s a curative called “Moss Poultice,” but it’s not made with actual moss, nor are there any notes about recreational use. In fact, there are no recreational drugs in the game. The closest you get is ale.

Then, while fighting the Hydra, we have our male lead, Ethan, go into some kind of “berserk” mode, with glowing red eyes and uncontrollable growling. This is certainly not in the game. There is no “rage meter,” so to speak, for the Arisen—this is exclusive to the show.

Not that rage-mode is inherently a bad thing, just that I find, as a huge fan of the game, it creates a disconnect and makes me think of other series rather than the source material.

In addition to my previously addressed discrepancy that Pawns can’t be Magick Archers, Hannah not only uses a skill exclusive to that vocation, she uses it incorrectly. The skill in question is “Magickal Gleam” and it creates a bright light. However, in the game you use a bow to release it while Hannah casts it with her staff. A small gripe, yes, but I feel details such as this are important to keep straight. Lest anime fans decide to pick up the game and find themselves confused.

Source: Dragon’s Dogma, Episode 5

Episode Five: Greed

For this episode, the guards, Balthazar and Simon, return as they are hired to kill a Lich in order to free up a route for safer travels. In the process, however, Balthazar becomes cursed with greed and impales his best friend, Simon, foregoing his morals and code of honor.

There isn’t much to compare with the game. Yet again, it strays far from Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen in favor of a confused plot about the betrayal of friendship and ethics while being cursed with greed. However, I will say that I did care a little bit about the returning characters, Balthazar and Simon, as we had some time to get to know them. It still doesn’t mean their “tragic” fight to the death made me feel anything other than boredom, but it was nice to see them again regardless.

The animation, in the beginning, made me laugh as the Lich’s army of Skeletons running looked very silly to me. There was also a discrepancy between the quote “It burned everyone’s homes to the ground,” and then showing buildings still standing.

Source: Dragon’s Dogma, Episode 6

Episode Six: Lust

In this episode, Ethan and Hannah decide to rest at an inn for the night. When a Succubus imitating Ethan’s late wife seduces him, causing him to get lost in his memories of her. Until he snaps out of it and slays the monster. The plot felt shoehorned, like this whole episode was just an excuse to have a lust theme somewhere in the season.

There are no real game similarities in this episode, aside from the act of killing a Succubus. As a result, I didn’t write many notes other than “There really isn’t anything to note anymore,” and “The sex scenes are very uncomfortable and awkward.” There just wasn’t much else to point out. However, there was something that kept coming to mind as I was watching the show, and that’s Berserk.

Okay, here me out: In the first episode of Dragon’s Dogma, we’re shown the death of Ethan’s pregnant wife and adopted son, making him lose everything right before his eyes. In turn, the loss causes him to swear vengeance against the Dragon. Then, we have episode three, “Envy,” when it comes to the Goblin scene with Elizabeth, which is reminiscent of the disturbing Trolls from Berserk. In the fourth episode, “Sloth,” Ethan starts going into a state of complete rage, as does Guts in Berserk. Moreover, in this episode, “Lust,” we have a monster disguising herself as a human to fool men into intimacy. The part that reminds me of a scene in the first Berserk manga is when Ethan kills the monster after having just been intimate with her. The CGI also doesn’t help in separating the two, either.

The game, Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen, was very much inspired by Berserk and there was actually a merchant that sold the armor of Guts and Griffith from The Golden Age Arc movies as an in-game promotion.

I’m not saying it’s bad to be inspired by Berserk, in fact, I feel that inspiration can be a base for great things. The game itself is basically a love letter to Berserk! The problem is when, in the case of Netflix’s Dragon’s Dogma, it feels like it is trying to replicate the series rather than be inspired by it. As what tends to happen in cases such as this, is you have dark tones with blood and death, but no philosophical bite; no characters with depth and complexity; and no worldbuilding to make these story elements make sense.

Dragon’s Dogma, the anime, has a philosophy and it’s “humans suck.” The characters are bland and barely have a pulse; they’ve built a world with little history and no geographical coherence; and because of the poor writing, I cannot help but compare it to better work out there. Everything feels tacked on and yet so limited at the same time.

Episode Seven: Pride

Finally, the fight with the Dragon arrives, it’s the episode I’ve been waiting for. The reason this episode is important is because, in the game, this is the beginning of a series of choices that reveal a lot about the Arisen, the Dragon, and exposes the actions of the previous Arisen.

In the game, the fight with the Dragon isn’t simply something you’re building up to, it’s a peek behind the curtain before the full reveal of his purpose later on as you progress. The Dragon isn’t just some incarnation of evil with a taste for destruction. He has an objective, which is to choose the Arisen. When you pick up the blade to protect your small village, it is just as imperative as fighting the Dragon after a long journey. Your character is chosen specifically to kill him, as the Dragon’s existence is to find the next god. His divine purpose is exemplified by the fact that he is weak to the dark element and has resistance to the element holy.

By killing the Dragon, you then eventually get to proceed in fighting the Seneschal (the god of the game) and thus, taking their place if you defeat them. In this world, all of the energy and life is made by the Seneschal, as that is all they provide—creation and energy. However, after a while that energy becomes stagnant, causing the world to fall to a similar static state. Thus, the need to send out a Dragon to choose the next Arisen (a candidate to become the next Seneschal).

In the game, before fighting the Dragon, he gives you the choice between rescuing your beloved (the person who loves you most or hates you the least) and killing him. Or to sacrifice your beloved and he will go quietly, letting everyone think you defeated the dragon and making you the ruler of the land.

What happens if you don’t have a beloved? Well, for your character, it’s impossible as it is a forced mechanic. However, in the game there is an Arisen named Dragonforged who did not have a beloved and was simply left with the option to kill the Dragon, but failed in his attempt.

So, as a player, your only choice is to sacrifice or fight. This exemplifies the choice of the well renowned Arisen before you, King Edmun, as this is where you figure out that he chose not to kill the dragon and instead sacrificed his beloved to rise to the throne.

In the anime, the fighting sequence is out of order in comparison to the game. Even though it felt wrong considering I’ve fought the dragon countless times and know the battle by heart, I was able to withhold such feelings and understand that the order in which the battle happens isn’t so important.

What is important is the Dragon’s reasons. The anime does explain that Ethan was chosen to kill the Dragon. However, where the show falls flat in its explanation is in how they portrayed the Dragon as killing simply to kill. Relating it to Ethan as though he is killing the Dragon just because he can. This portrayal is very reductive not only for the Dragon, but for Ethan as well. I highly doubt Ethan would go out of his way to kill the Dragon for no reason.

As for the beloved, Ethan no longer has one as his wife was killed. It was strange but nice to follow an Arisen without a beloved, as it is forced on you in the game. It caused me to watch more intently since I didn’t know what to expect.

Judging the episode on its own merit, the use of pride as the ultimate sin that was committed by Ethan makes no sense to me. It seemed more like wrath than pride and it felt like a punishment after completing what he was meant to do. Not only that, but the idea the Dragon was trying to push that humans are full of sin and it was shown across Ethan’s journey was very obvious and didn’t make the entire gimmick feel any less unoriginal.

Though, the worst part is when Ethan turns into the dragon due to his committing sin, that being pride. In the game, the only time you are turned into a dragon is when you are bested by the Seneschal, off to find the next Arisen. There is no gameplay, it’s just a simple cutscene, but it shows the dragon’s holy purpose and expresses that Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen is cyclical. As the game is an endless loop:

Seneschal creates Dragon → Dragon creates Arisen → Arisen fights Dragon → Arisen Fights Seneschal → Repeat with new game+

Meanwhile, in the show, it simply ends on the Arisen becoming a Dragon as though that is the only option, making it feel finalized, yet also incomplete. What is the purpose of the Dragon? Why bother creating another Arisen? These are some of the questions the show has left me with as the ending lacks any real meaning or reason for anything to happen the way it did.

Source: Dragon’s Dogma, Episode 7

The Conclusion

Well, there you have it! My entire review of Netflix’s Dragon’s Dogma and how it compares to the game is finished. Now I feel like I can truly put to rest this awful anime from my mind and continue to look forward to Dragon’s Dogma 2, set to release on 22 March 2024.

If you made it this far, Thank you! Please consider subscribing for more content and/or tell us what you think!

[ambiguousintentions]

4.9.2024 Reflection

Damn. It's been more than a year since I left education and half a year since I ditched my last set of friends (had to; they hurt me bad, and their texts were beginning to trigger anxiety attacks).

Sober for about 3 weeks now for an electrician apprenticeship I applied for. Couldn't do corporate- fuckers wanted to only give me a $1.50/hr raise after I reworked their entire operations system and developed SOPs for them. Making silly YouTube videos in the meanwhile, which is honestly so fun. If only it could be more lucrative though- then I'd truly be living.

Ever since I ditched my friends, I just keep trying to reflect on all the ways I'm shitty. Am I just too sensitive? Was I actually not a good friend? Was I not educated enough? Was I too offensive? Too snobbish? Not proactive enough? What could I have done to make them care about me more?

All of those are probably true to some degree, but it's hard to tell what degree. It's easy to feel like everything's your fault. My fault for getting too upset too easily, for not letting social issues go, for not knowing when to just chill. To be honest, I've kind of stopped trying to make friends. I just feel like I'm wasting everyone's time. Why bother when I know that I'm just 4th choice? I know you're barely enjoying this conversation; I'll release you from it. Sorry.

But today one of my students found the Gen Alpha rant video I made about 3-4 months ago, where I detailed about problems I saw in the education system. When I left education, I left my last high school once fall semester was over; admin had about a month to find a replacement for me, which I thought was reasonable enough time. The student who commented on my video yelled at me for leaving them and asked why I couldn't just suck it up, because they had an apathetic sub for the rest of the year. They said that I shouldn't blame my colleagues (cause I blamed them for playing movies all the time and literally letting the kids literally re-enact squid games instead of actually learning and doing work, which lead to a lot of shitty attitudes and behavior (and of course there were other criticisms but they agreed with those)) since they were probably experiencing the same stress I was experiencing. But they also said that my class was the only class they felt like they learned from.

I feel like crying. I feel strangely validated. Thanks; I didn't know you were actually learning from my class. I'm so happy to hear you learned. You're right though- I am weak. Sorry. I don't know how to fix that. I'm working on it, but I don't know how to do that faster. I don't know what I could possibly do now to fix my mistake of leaving. Am I your deadbeat dad???

I do that often I think. Sometimes people want to get to know me, but I've already decided we've got nothing in common. I don't want to bore them, and I wouldn't want them to bore me. So I give up before I give it an honest effort.

But it just has me thinking... how many times has this probably happened? I leave because I'm failing when in reality I'm not??? I leave because I feel myself getting increasingly bitter and frustrated and know that if I stay in that same place for too long, I'm going to blow up and do or say something I'll regret. It's just... it takes me so long to reflect on things. To figure out how I feel. I mean, fuck, I'm finally at a place where I feel like I COULD potentially have a conversation with one of my old friends without having an anxiety attack, but it's been 6 fucking months.

I feel like a mess. I've been repeatedly transforming myself for the last decade. I looked back on my posts from years ago, and I can't help but feel like I still harbor the same underlying issues. I feel like the wisdom I've gained over the years has helped me control the damage a bit better yet at the same time the collective damage is breaking me. I wonder when I'll be done transforming and finally settle into the form I've made for myself.

And yet. At the same time... when I look back at those posts... and see how upset I was ten years ago- similar to how upset I was in the past year-

I can't help but laugh and smile at the journey I've been on. Such a winding and long journey only to end up in the same psychological spot but in a different physical setting. Did I truly go anywhere? Is the whole point to do another cycle just so you can laugh all over again about the convoluted way you took just to arrive back in your haunted home of a body?

[actual-lich-queen]

Ghost History: Hammer of Doom IV (debut ritual)

Five days after Opus Eponymous was released by Rise Above Records, Ghost performed their first ritual on October 23rd, 2010 at Hammer of Doom IV[1]. It was not the most auspicious of beginnings. Set to go on stage at 1:30pm [2], Papa Emeritus I and the Nameless Ghouls arrived on stage 15 minutes late and 10 minutes later suffered the loss of one of their guitar amps[3].

Some, hearing Ghost live for the first time, had their doubts.

“In short: even though the band got back on track towards the end with their hit “ritual”, they could live up to their previous praise. [Papa Emeritus’s] charisma on the microphone was simply not tangible enough for that; The band has to make a lot of progress here, because especially when they appear so distant due to their self-imposed image, the lack of communication simply has to be replaced by the aura of the musicians.” -Patrick Müller via Google Translate[3]

“[On the whole] the material couldn't really convince me, the dusty Seventies Rock sounds too toothless and arbitrary. The reactions in the hall were very ambivalent, so some celebrated GHOST with their theatrical appearance with inverted crosses, [mitre] and a lot of incense as the hottest shit since the invention of the electric guitar, others on the other hand withdrew with a smile towards the beer counter, because the performance there provided better entertainment.” -dekleenenils via Google Translate[4]

But the devil worshiping ministry’s mission to spread their unholy gospels[5] is targeted towards “individuals who have a void in their life perhaps caused by some form of emotional trauma or upset [...] so that in time the easily manipulated will come to share the views and goals of the Coven’s ministry and can prepare their own plans for the downfall of humanity.”[6]

Not all in that first crowd were unreceptive to Ghost’s ministry.

“Musically, I can only say that I really enjoy the mix of seventies rock, progressive parts and a large amount of NWoBHM*! This organ! Hammer! The biggest surprise of this kind. The satanic lyrics that the band [...] want to bring to humanity are the most lovely melodies and the clear, beautiful vocals! Now the term “Powerpop,” which they advertise on their MySpace page, finally has a meaning. Very contradictory, but absolutely convincing as a whole package! [...] I also had no luck with the [buying of] the T-shirt. I first wanted to wait and see whether the band could  convince me musically and when I went to the merchandise stand after the gig, it was completely sold out.” -Chris via Google Translate[2]

And it only takes a spark to light the fires of hell. The ministry of Ghost had only just begun.

“Our mission is not as much about conversion as it is about underlining which path you have chosen to go, and where it will ultimately lead you,” declared Ghost in a rare communiqué. “We are the file playing back in your digital earpiece while you are carelessly approaching the end.”[6]

*Common abbreviation of New Wave of British Heavy Metal

[1]Ghost Concert Setlists (page 90) | setlist.fm

[2]Festivalbericht HAMMER OF DOOM IV (amboss-mag.de)

[3]Obliveon :: Metal und Gothic Webzine (archive.org)

[4]Hammer Of Doom IV - 23.10.2010 - Würzburg, Posthalle @ Bloodchamber.de

[5]Ghost – “Ritual” - Stereogum (archive.org)

[6]Ghost's 'Opus Eponymous' To Receive U.S. Release In January - Blabbermouth.net (archive.org)

Read More:

Decided to start cross-posting the work I was doing for my fansite because I am vain and like attention to help preserve it against the careless history (or lack thereof) of the internet.

[thefernmanner]

"The Kaddish." From the Book of Sirach, "The Manner of the Fern" 22: 3-6.

Sirach introduces an important aspect of the Pislam called the Kaddish. Some habits do not die well, like children who are killing us with their naughty defiant behavior. one prays for release.

Kaddish is a formal prayer but here it is a kind of whisper called "detachment". Dispassion for anything other than that which is useful in the pursuit of the sacred would be another term. The etymology calls the state of Kaddish as "bulletproof glass."

"The verb קדש (qadash) means to be holy, which essentially means to be permanent and unalterable. This verb is the opposite of חלל (halal), to be profane, which actually means to pierce, and thus to alter or use until entirely worn. Over the centuries many items have been declared holy and kept in glass boxes and devoid of any practical usefulness, but despite the best intentions of men, everything falls apart and only the laws of nature are truly holy.

The Bible's unique insight in these matters has the human embodiment of natural law pierced rather than preserved behind bullet proof glass. The hallowed alternative, still painfully rampant in our modern world, violates the First Commandment and is destined to be ruined by the very natural law it sought to represent.

Noun קדש (qodesh), meaning apartness or sacredness of items and places. The familiar term קדש הקדשים (qodesh haqodeshim), or Holy of Holies, is formed from this word. Adjective קדוש (qadosh) means sacred or holy. This is also the word for "saint." Verb קדש (qadash) means to consecrate, make or be holy. Nouns קדש (qadesh) and קדשה (qadesha) refer respectively to male and female religious prostitutes. Noun מקדש (miqdash), literally a place of separateness or holiness, denotes a religious place or facility."

Kaddish is 126, קךו‎, kachev, "to take charge of his power."

Sirach's words emphasize that good sense and discipline are the paths to power and the path away from all that is not too good. There are two types of habits that lead to the unhappy trail, they are called sons and daughters:

Sons=270, ר‎ע, ra, bad, evil, wicked.‎

Daughters=495, ת‎ץה‎, teza, "the thesis."

Hebrew references to sons therefore refer to bad habits, daughters are the hidden tendencies. This pattern scales from boys to men, dughters to women, single persons to entire communities. The goal of the study of the Torah and Tanakh is to turn undisciplined boys and girls into their noble polar opposites. Sirach says the time in between is a time of mourning and indeed it is:

Degenerate Children

3 It is a disgrace to be the father of an undisciplined son,     and the birth of a daughter is a loss. 4 A sensible daughter obtains a husband of her own,     but one who acts shamefully is a grief to her father. 5 An impudent daughter disgraces father and husband     and is despised by both. 6 Like music in time of mourning is ill-timed conversation,     but a thrashing and discipline are at all times wisdom.[a]

In Vayetzei, The Torah mentions how birth can rid a soul of disgrace and start a new life, the opposite of a time of mourning, called the Kaddish. In Jewish when something dies or a time ends, one is automatically thrust into a new reality and if one is prepared, it can confer blessings upon the Self:

16 So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. “You must sleep with me,” she said. “I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.” So he slept with her that night.

17 God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. 18 Then Leah said, “God has rewarded me for giving my servant to my husband.” So she named him Issachar [hired man].[p]

19 Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. 20 Then Leah said, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun [God’s resting place].[q]

21 Some time later she gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah [judgement].

22 Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and enabled her to conceive. 23 She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.” 24 She named him Joseph,[r] and said, “May the Lord add to me another son.”

Leah was really horny and started giving Jacob drugs. Together they spawned and Tribes of Israel were born.

The Kabbalah I have started above indicates the couple along with Rachel actually employed Dinah, "good judgement" and were able to start as many as six sons, creating conditions right for Self-Realization on the Sixth Day.

The Values in Gematria are:

v. 16: Leah went out. The Number is 12908, יב‎ץח‎, yevtshah, "will perform."

v. 17-18: God listened to Leah. The Number is עטךו‎‎, atechav‎‎, "I will delay with the pen."

Delays are permanent disconnects between the urges to sin and the desire to be happy. Once this is properly negatively reinforced and better habits are introduced, a "permanent delay" of Eve's curse will take place.

The next passage refers to this as "resting in honor."

v. 19-20: Leah conceived again. Six times the Rabbi is going to have to explain how sin and salvation are not intertwied. By the end of the Fifth Time, the "husband will treat the wife with honor." The Number is 10652, קוןב‎‎‎ ‎, conv, "a proper shopper."

Leah and Rachel chose well, and so did Jacob so the formula worked. The Zohar implies one cannot inversely choose poorly, purchase a lout, and then expect to understand the proper outcome called the Six Sons.

Everyone is afraid of winding up with someone else that is old and fugly so they choose and endure whiplash from a partner that is not right for them. If he or she is you, shame on you.

v. 21: Sometime later she gave birth to Dinah. The Number is 3367, לגס‎ז‎ ‎‎, legasz,"to speak with logic."

v. 22-24: God has taken away my disgrace. The Number is 7616, ע‎וי״ו, a vilehavu, "Whip up the excitement. You will love it."

Disgrace is a product of impulsive, ignorant behavior. Sexy stuff is disgraceful until one learns how to handle onself. The secret to fixing this is in this block of text. First there must be a period of mourning over all the strange and careless thing one has done, then one must find a sweaty falcon, force him to the ground and keep him there.

The Numbers for the lessons from this section of the Book of Sirach follow:

v. 3-4: A daughter who acts shamefully is a disgrace. The Number is 7897, עח‎‎ץז‎, aachtzaz, "the eight that moved."

The Torah does not spend a great deal of time on the Eighth Day nor the Ninth. The Eighth is 655, םן‎ה, the menha, "the landing ground."‎

The Eighth Day constitutes the observances of the Mishpatim, the ethical treatist of the Torah. First one becomes moral and intelligent across the course of the Seven Days, then one becomes dependable and competent, finally on the Ninth, 715, ן‎י״ה, henyeata, one "gets the drive" and becomes confident.

v. 5-6: The music of mourning does not make good conversation. The Number is 7776, ן‎י‎עו‎, הנה או, hana or, "use the power of transformation. Pleasure or...?"

[theenterprisemac]

Almost Perfect

This might be as close as Apple has ever come to releasing a perfect computer. The previous holder of this title was the 16" MacBook Pro from 2019. However, the M4 Mac Mini is absolutely a work of art–dethroning the previous title holder with ease.

The performance, specs, ports (USB-C everything and Thunderbolt 5), and Mac Studio mini styling is absolutely next level. The bump on the low-end to 16GBs of RAM and the repairability just seal the deal.

I have only two complaints:

No longer 1U - I rack mount most of my Mac Mini machines–and I have a lot of them so the loss of the 1U form factor hurts.

Power button location - I hate the power button location with a passion. I am not trying to stir up the debate, but to me it is the wrong solution for a problem that I don't think was really all that prevalent. (Why couldn't they just recess the power button?)

No matter how you slice it–the Mac Mini is a terrific value with terrific efficiency (This is mostly a function of the M4.). The computer gets so much right, and is a true return to greatness for Apple! Hopefully, they continue to deliver these sorts of amazing updates!

The Enterprise Mac - Perspective

YouTube and the internet are filled with standard technology news takes on this product, so now let's shift the conversation to the point of this blog–the perspective as an enterprise Mac.

If you think about the enterprise office environment–where users aren't taking their machines home the Mini fills an interesting niche. You have a machine that at its base specification will perform well in a well curated security agent environment. It has enough power to run just about anything–with an upgrade path to perform well even under demanding workloads with the M4 Pro chipset.

The size means you can minimize desk space and clutter. It even has some interesting possibilities being mounted behind say a large monitor.

Moving out of the office to the remote worker–the M4 Mini form factor is great for the small home office and can be paired with enough displays to keep even the multi-high-resolution display crowd happy (see the tech specs). The power sipping doesn't hurt–especially if you live somewhere where electricity is eye-wateringly expensive.

Storage is a bit lackluster at 256GBs, but recall in the business world many times the computer is just a terminal and not a place where data should be kept (If needed, you can simply toss the computer and replace it in a matter of hours or less.). In that world where data lives in source control and other accessible, secure, backed up and redundant locations the small drive is not as limiting as it might seem.

Add to this the price point starting at $599 and only rising to $1399 for the base M4 Pro model you have a tremendous value proposition on a machine that is likely to last out past 4 years. Apple already has a reputation for good value for money in the business-world both for the hardware and cost to maintain–the new Mini just continues to solidify that.

Keep an Eye On

MacStadium is a good vendor to keep an eye on for their perspectives on the new Mini–given how many they operate and the unique place that the Mini fills for them. See here and here.

Also Amazon AWS may have some interesting perspectives on the new Mini–its power and new form factor. This is the other half of the business equation–how it fits into large scale compute environments which back so much of the business world today.

Review Coverage

MKBHD YouTube Review

STH Review

Ars Technica Review

MacRumors Impressions

Final Analysis

[paperanddice]

Taking the form of a massive snake, its underside pulsing and flowing like mist or water, the carrion spiker is a nightmare that feeds upon the death of living creatures. Not the bodies themselves, the energy released upon the moment of death by creatures nearby. It grows stronger as creatures die, its attacks channelling the energy of death. This can rapidly spiral out of control if it feeds upon enough death, meaning that those who hunt the nightmare must either keep it from prey while trying to bring it down. The nightmare isn't as intelligent as others, making it easier to lure into a vulnerable position. They are clever enough to know they're less vulnerable shortly after feeding, and so will try to find large concentrations of prey to kill quickly for a quick burst of power.

Rather than a dream, the carrion spiker could be an undead creature that sustains itself with the deaths of other creatures. It could also feasibly be a fiend of some kind, perhaps one of Pathfinder's soul devouring daemons, or even a particularly twisted monstrosity. Originally from the Dreamblade base set. This post came out a week ago on my Patreon. If you want to get access to all my monster conversions early, as well as access to my premade adventures and other material I’m working on, consider backing me there!

5th Edition

Carrion Spiker Huge aberration, unaligned Armor Class 16 (natural armor) Hit Points 157 (15d12 + 60) Speed 30 ft. Str 21 (+5) Dex 15 (+2) Con 19 (+4) Int 5 (-3) Wis 13 (+1) Cha 8 (-1) Saving Throws Cha +3 Skills Perception +5 Damage Immunities necrotic Damage Resistances poison, bludgeoning, piercing and slashing damage from attacks not made with silvered weapons Senses passive Perception 15 Languages - Challenge 11 (7200 XP) Aura Of Death. At the start of each of the carrion spiker's turns, each creature within 10 feet of it magically takes 7 (2d6) necrotic damage. The carrion spiker can activate or deactivate this effect as a bonus action. Thanatomancy. Whenever a living creature within 20 feet of the carrion spiker dies, the carrion spiker must succeed on a DC 11 Charisma saving throw. On a success, the carrion spiker absorbs energy from the creature's death. The carrion spiker automatically succeeds on this saving throw if it had the creature Swallowed. Each time the carrion spiker successfully absorbs energy, it deals an additional 4 (1d8) necrotic damage with all weapon attacks, and its Aura of Death deals an additional 3 (1d6) necrotic damage. This effect lasts for one hour. Actions Multiattack. The carrion spiker makes two attacks: one with its Bite and one Constrict. Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit: 14 (2d8+5) piercing damage and the target must make a DC 16 Constitution saving throw, taking 17 (5d6) poison damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. Constrict. Melee Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 14 (2d8+5) bludgeoning damage and the target is grappled (escape DC 17). Until this grapple ends, the target is restrained and the carrion spiker can't constrict another target. Swallow. The carrion spiker makes one Bite attack against a Medium or smaller creature it is grappling. If the attack hits, the target takes the bite's damage and must make a DC 16 Strength saving throw. On a failure, the target is swallowed and the grapple ends. While swallowed, the creature is blinded and restrained, it has total cover against attacks and other effects outside the carrion spiker, and it takes 22 (5d8) necrotic damage at the start of each of the carrion spiker's turns. The carrion spiker can hold up to four Small or Medium creatures in its stomach. If the carrion spiker takes 20 damage or more on a single turn from a creature inside it, the carrion spiker must succeed on a DC 18 Constitution saving throw at the end of that turn or regurgitate all swallowed creatures, which fall prone in a space within 5 feet of the carrion spiker. If the carrion spiker dies, a swallowed creature is no longer restrained by it and can escape from the corpse by using 10 feet of movement, exiting prone.

13th Age

Carrion Spiker  Large 7th level spoiler [aberration]  Initiative: +10 Death’s Fangs +12 vs. AC - 25 damage plus ongoing 10 poison damage. Natural Even Hit: If the carrion spiker doesn’t have a creature grabbed, it can use death’s coil against the target as a free action. If it is grabbing the target, the target takes no damage, the grab ends, and the target is swallowed whole (see below). Death’s Coil +12 vs. PD - 25 damage, and the carrion spiker grabs the target. Until the grab ends the carrion spiker can’t use death’s coil against another target. Swallowed Whole: A creature that is swallowed by the carrion spiker is stuck, hampered, and unable to attack or affect anything outside of the carrion spiker (and vice-versa). It also must start making last gasp saves at the start of its next turn. A successful save means the creature manages to escape from the carrion spiker’s stomach. On the fourth failure, it dies and the carrion spiker automatically succeeds on the save for its thanatomancy (see below). Thanatomancy: Whenever a nearby living creature dies, the carrion spiker can make a saving throw. On a success, the carrion spiker absorbs energy from the creature’s death, and until the end of the battle its attacks deal a cumulative +5 negative energy damage. Resist Negative Energy 14+. AC 22 PD 21 MD 18 HP 220

[struggling-with-time]

How the lack of a nickname can become something more [Corpse x reader]

Paring: Corpse husband x Gender Neutral!reader

Summary: “Hi! Sorry if this is weird, it’s my first time making a request but could you maybe write something for Corpse Husband where the reader is a streamer that’s very friendly and always calls her friends/people she’s playing with these cute nicknames (like babe, sweetie, hun...). But she has a crush on Corpse, so she never uses any of the nicknames on him and everyone thinks it’s because she doesn’t like him, so she has to explain to her stream?” requested by @voidcaine

Warnings: fluff, sorta angst

Words: 1.9k words

A/N: I had a good idea where this was supposed to go, then it went the complete other direction. Also does anyone want to read my original stuff?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Hey guys!” You join the discord call with the group of people to start a game of Raft. Tonight, it’s going to be you, Rae, Sykkuno, Toast and Corpse. You all greet each other and exchange pleasantries.

“Hey Y/N, how was your time off?” Toast is the first to ask about your 2 weeks off from streaming.

“Thank you hun, it was pretty nice. I got a lot of things done, and I can soon tell the date of my next project.” You tease your audience.

The rest have already played the Raft before, leading to them giving you a chaotic introduction to the game. Leaving you more confused about what you are supposed to do than before.

“Rae babe, am I supposed to know what’s going on?” You don’t have to wait long, as Rae immediately responds.

“No. Not at all.” Resulting in a laugh from everyone.

You join into the game, and slowly start figure the controls out. Mostly you are just following Sykkuno around and trying to do the same things as him, yet somehow you do it worse.

Sykkuno ends up falling off the raft and gets killed by a shark before long.

“Sykkuno nooo! Not my sweetheart this world is too cruel!” You act dramatic, before he respawns.

“Does this mean I’m a ghost now? Because I will haunt you for pushing me off.” Sykkuno pokes right back at you.

You share another laugh before getting back to trying to make the Raft as big and confusing as ever. Some more time goes by as you head onto your 4th island this stream.

“Hey Corpse, can you get an axe from the Raft when you get onto the island? I forgot to bring one.” You don’t think much of not giving him a nickname like everyone has one. Well you do, more so you can’t bring yourself to give him one, because you are currently harboring a crush for him. Which means calling him an affectionate nickname, feels like lying to yourself about a future that will never happen.

This goes on for the rest of the stream, nobody mentions it, but in the goodbye section of the stream, everyone is on edge but you. The rest convinced that you have something against Corpse, including Corpse. Especially Corpse.

You stay in voice chat so the 5 of you can bid goodbye without your individual audiences listening in.

“Hey thanks for today, it was a good stream!” You cheerfully tell the others.

“Y/N, what was that?” Rae is the first to ask, bringing the issue the rest has had on their minds since the beginning of the stream.

“What was what?”

“What was not giving Corpse a nickname? You give everyone a nickname. If you look on twitter, there are already people asking if you don’t like him.”

“Rae, I can talk for myself, you don’t have to give me a nickname Y/N.” Corpse adds onto the conversation, now that you think about it, the upbeat mood of the stream has started to falter out towards the end of the stream.

“I’m so sorry Corpse! It wasn’t meant like that not at all! I don’t hate you!” You are quick to respond. If you could see Rae right now, you would be able to see her face, realizing what was going on.

“You know what, how about we leave the two of you to talk it out? Yeah? Yeah.” She quickly kicks Toast and Sykkuno from the call and then leaves herself. Before any of you get a chance to say goodbye.

“So… We are alone now…” You try to break the silence.

Corpse doesn’t respond, he can feel himself starting to go through the worst-case scenarios. That you hate him, and don’t want to be friends anymore. He thought the two of you had become close.

“Corpse I’m sorry, I hope you didn’t start to doubt yourself. I didn’t mean to make you feel like this, I’m so sorry. I’ll release a statement or something. I can fix this. I promise.” You have already thrown yourself straight into panic mode, especially after what Rae said about people thinking you hate Corpse.

Corpse can’t help sigh of relief when you start apologizing, “Y/N it’s alright, but why don’t I have a nickname?” Corpse is unsure if this is alright to ask, he wants to know, the two of you have been friends for close to half a year now, and you usually have a nickname for people with in your first time streaming or playing with them.

“I don’t think that’s something we should talk about over discord.” That was how the conversation dried up, a bit of small talk happened before the two of you bid your goodbyes. Leaving you frustrated over knowing Corpse would only think the worst.

The air between you two had thickened after that day, and everyone you ended up streaming with could feel it, while the two of you could hide it from your fans, your friends was a whole other thing. They had caught on to the two of you not being on the best speaking terms.

You wanted to explain yourself but felt that it was better to do face to face. He wanted to tell you he missed talking like the two of you used to do.

Then a chance finally came, Rae was hosting a party, and you were invited. Your first reaction to hearing it was asking if Corpse was coming too. Rae had told you he said yes, so you booked a ticket to the big city from your small town in Colorado. You would be able to stay at the collab house with Rae.

You were excited to meet the others again, you had only been able to meet up with Rae twice before. So, this was a good chance for you to talk to the others some more, and not to mention come clean to Corpse.

You settled down in Rae’s room quickly, and greeted everyone as you walked around the house, waiting for more guest to arrive. You kept looking for Corpse. Making you not the greatest conversational partner as you barely listened, only agreeing, and disagreeing on the right times.

You notice his mop of black curls quickly when he comes into the living room. You immediately leave the conversation you were barely listening to, you try to wave him down, but he doesn’t seem to have noticed you.

You head his way instead; he’s currently talking a bit to Rae probably thanking her for inviting him. You stand a bit to the side not saying anything just waiting for your turn, as to not interrupt their conversation. Rae points to you, and wave you down. You try to act surprised, not just having stood there like a stalker and watched their entire conversation.

“Hey,” you smile at him, and he returns it.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Rae walks away, totally not having planned this so the two of you could meet. Rae had after the awkward conversation gotten the real reason out of you why you didn’t want to give Corpse a nickname. While she had enjoyed teasing you about your crush, she had never spoken a word to anyone else about it.

“So… we finally meet.” You try to break the ice.

“We do, do you want to go outside?”

“Oh, thank god, yes.” You follow after him, not noticing Rae pointing the two of you leaving to go outside to Sykkuno that she might have told your secret to by accident.

You find a bench and settle down, the weather being pretty decent, no wind to be felt.

“You said, you wanted to talk about what has been bothering you face to face?” Corpse gets straight to the thing that’s on both of your minds.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about it, I really am, I’m sorry, I know I’ve been cryptic and-”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing, we’re friends. Don’t apologize for existing.” Corpse reassures you.

“Yeah, sorry about that… I don’t know how to tell you this, and I really don’t want to ruin our friendship and I mean that. And I realized I had caught feelings for you, it wasn’t on purpose I swear.”

“Why would-”

“Please let me finish before you ask anything.” You look at him pleading. He nods to let you continue. “I didn’t want to give you a nickname, and I know that’s my entire brand at this point… I just couldn’t get myself to call you something affectionate and keep it platonic in my mind. Because I wanted more, I still do. I don’t want to just be your friend, and I don’t want to ruin what we have, because you are a good friend, one of my best.” You rub your hands over your face.

You can feel the awkwardness radiating off Corpse.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” You get off the bench and prepare to walk away when Corpse grabs around your wrist.

“Didn’t I tell you not to apologize for existing.” You can’t help but laugh a dry laugh, you can feel the tears ready themselves as you wait for the inevitable rejection.

“Corpse, don’t drag this out. I like you okay, and I don’t want to be more hurt over it.” You try to tug your hand to yourself.

“What if I like you too?” He might not have been as in tune with his feelings as you had. However, he had come to realize he had feelings for you. They had crept up on him in the form of suddenly missing you whenever you hung up after talking. They had come at him slow and over a long time, while your feeling had washed over you as a tsunami coursing through your heart.

“Corpse, it’s okay, just let me down gently.” You take you free hand to dry the tears that are now seemingly escaping.

“No Y/N, what if I like you too. Because I do. I like to hear your laugh, I like when we talk so far into the night I can hear your roommates alarm go off. I like when you say my name, even if I was you would give me a nickname.” He can’t help but chuckle. “ I like you Y/N.”

Your tears are now streaming out not of sadness but of the pure happy feeling of having your feeling returned from the guy you never thought who would return them.

He pulls you into a hug.

You can’t help but whisper to him.

“I like you Corpse.”

“I like you too Y/N.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Manga Review — Whisper Me A Love Song Vol 1-3

A Joyous Exploration of Love that Strikes a Chord

It is by no means a stretch to call Eku Takeshima's Whisper Me a Love Song one of the most popular Yuri manga series of the moment. Last Summer, the manga won second place in Yuri Navi's Fourth Yuri Manga Sousenkyo behind only the ever-popular Bloom Into You. Indeed many draw connections and comparisons between the work and Nakatani's near-worshiped bestseller, and for good reason, as the high school romances explore similar themes of discovery and question what love is. I have been saving this series for some time, and with Kodansha's recent release of volume three, it seemed the perfect time to dive deep into a review and reading of not one, not two, but three volumes of the beloved series.

Whisper Me a Love Song follows energetic first-year high school student Himari. On her first day at school, she sees a performance by the school's band and is instantly captivated by the music and the band's fill-in lead singer, Yori. When Himari confesses her "love" to Yori, she is surprised when the senpai returns her feelings. However, the two have different ideas of love and struggle to reconcile with their feelings of affection and admiration for each other.

A central theme for the first three volumes of Whisper Me a Love Song is exploring what love means. While Yori feels a romantic attraction towards Himari and wants to start dating her, Himari's love is not amorous. She loves Yori's music, loves spending time with her senpai, and loves the idea of seeing her perform with the band again, all of which are valid forms of affection, but she does not know how to return Yori's feelings. The first three volumes see the two characters explore the meaning of love and relationships. It feels very appropriate and fitting in terms of a theme for the school-aged characters, like something a real youth may experience. Figuring out what love means to you is something many adolescents, particularly queer ones, will undoubtedly experience.

Takeshima tackles the subject matter of Whisper Me a Love Song's exploration of love deftly. For one, there is a complex myriad of emotions for both characters to feel and express. For example, Himari feels appropriately confused and conflicted during much of the series. She wants to spend time with Yori and enjoys her company, but also wracked with guilt over not returning Yori's affection, especially once Yori's bandmate Aki confesses that she is in love with Yori requests Himari stand aside to let Yori off the hook. The best part of Himari's journey is unquestionably when she seeks advice, whether from family or another older student, Momoka Satomiya. One particular conversation with her mother resonates well. As she explains to the child, love is something you can grow into, and you may date someone without being completely enamored by them. It may feel like an obvious lesson, but one we rarely hear or see expressed in romance narratives.

ori's journey is a bit less complex and compelling than Himari's. While in the first volume, she struggles to give voice to her feelings and drives much of the story, in the later story, she is mainly reactionary to Himari. For example, when Himari begins spending time with Momoka, she feels jealous and worried. While her character lacks some agency in the second and third books, her stories are still compelling and her growth noticeable. Himari's love of seeing her perform with the band causes her to confront her stage fright and join them full time. Her steadfast conviction that she can write an enchanting love song to get Himari to fall for her is likewise adorable and has the perfect amount of youthful, fanciful optimism.

However, the best part of Whisper Me a Love Song is the sheer joy Himari and Yori get from spending time together. The bubbly younger girl is constantly bouncing off the walls and eager to see Yori and get to listen to her music, and for Yori's part, her passion and excitement, whenever she sees Himari, is evident. It is a lovely change from the typical aloof and damaged star pupil we expect from the senpai in a Yuri series. Chapters featuring the girls going out shopping together or picking outfits became standouts for me, not for their Sapphic content but merely the contagious happiness and pleasure both girls show. Other notable elements of the series include its supporting cast, who are thrilled by Yori and Himari's struggle and enthusiastically encourage both girls with a furious lesbian ride-or-dieism one usually expects to find only in liberal arts colleges.

While the series has many strengths, it does stumble on multiple occasions and has a few points against it. For one, it misses a huge opportunity to explore LGBTQ+ identity. This feature would have been the perfect accompaniment to Himari's journey to understand love and its different forms. While outright discussion of same-sex romance is unusual for Yuri, its absence here is somewhat more prominent because of its subject matter.

Furthermore, Whisper Me a Love Song has some struggles with pacing. Despite being relatively long for a Yuri manga, it moves quickly from one issue to the next while not always taking time to explore them fully. For example, the first two volumes effectively build and foreshadow the revelation that another girl loves Yori. Only for the plot to just as quickly come the next book, with Aki, the girl who once asked Himari to let her have Yori, suddenly changing her character and encouraging their relationship to develop. The one advantage of this quick pace is that it allows for the series to have turmoil and emotion without becoming too steeped in melodrama.

Sadly, the series' faults are highlighted a bit more due to its unfortunate similarity to Bloom Into You. Comparing the two Yuri series is understandable, as they deal with the analogous subject matter, and Takeshima's series began hitting its stride shortly after Bloom Into You was winding down. However, the latter has the advantage of being much more fleshed out, with eight volumes, a (phenomenal) light novel spin-off, two anthologies, and an anime series. While both series appear to survey many familiar Yuri tropes, Bloom Into You, for the most part, manipulated these in subversive and exciting ways, especially when it came to Sayaka. Whisper Me a Love Song does not have any such achievements, although there is still time for the continuing series. I will say, though, Himari's journey of exploring love and seeking advice from different sources about what it can mean is both more exciting and realistic than Yuu's "come to lesbian Jesus" moment at the end of her series.

Whisper Me a Love Song is a delightful school romance series. Takeshima brilliantly chose to put two characters feeling different forms of affection and admiration together, and the result is a passionate and fast-paced exploration of what love means. The main characters, Himari and Yori, are so delightfully passionate and excited by each other that it is hard not to get swept up in their emotions and pure gleefulness. The series has some issues with pacing and being a little too predictable and safe. However, the compelling central relationship will entice most readers. Hopefully, once it has a bit more time to do its own thing and delve a bit deeper, this uncut gem of a series will shine like a polished jewel. I can unequivocally say that I am now a dedicated fan and am very excited for volume 4, especially given the end of the third book. But if you want to find out more about that, you will have to pick up this series for yourself.

Special thanks to translator Kevin Steinbach, letterer Jennifer Skarupa, editors Tiff Joshua and TJ Ferentini, and the rest of the team at Kodansha Comics for their excellent work on Whisper Me a Love Song.

Ratings: Story – 8 Characters – 8 Art – 7 LGBTQ – 4 Sexual Content – 1 Final – 8

Check out Whisper Me a Love Song Volumes 1-3 in English digitally and in paperback: https://amzn.to/3idOaAy

[darkandstormyart]

Xicheng fic recs

(figured i might make a list of my own)

(to be expanded as i dig out more treasure/remember stuff)

in no particular order:

Deep as the Yearning Night by FreckledStarKnight

“At first, it was pure chance. The second time was accidental. And the third time? Well, they say the third time’s the charm, after all. Lan Xichen discovers that Jiang Wanyin sings beautifully and is immediately enamored by it. His pursuit of Jiang Wanyin’s secret talent leads to a discovery and a series of events that he did not anticipate at all. Not that he’s complaining, of course. He got what he came for and more. Or, how two sect leaders get together through the song called love. CQL-verse.“

post-seclusion lxc

trying to get jc to sing

bonus lxc & jin ling feels i hadn’t considered before

cute

Always use protection by hesselives

“In which Lan Wangji attempts to hire a new bodyguard for his older brother, a well-known traveling exorcist. Jiang Wanyin doesn’t even make his carefully considered list of Top Ten Candidates, and yet here he is.

Lots of wandering in the countryside, distant yelling, and mildly inconvenient spirits.”

bodyguard au

honestly just really intersting worldbuilding

Rewrite the stars by Arashii

“Five great kingdoms have been fighting for years and when the kingdom of Yunmeng is destroyed, the Crown Prince Jiang Cheng vanishes.In Gusu, Lan Xichen makes an offer impossible for Jiang Cheng to refuse. His life or revenge? There’s only one option and Jiang Cheng swears loyalty to the man he hated the most his whole life, the Crown Prince of Gusu, Lan Xichen himself.Written for XiChengFest2020 - Day 4“

ROYALTY AU ROYALTY AU

enemies to lovers!

flashbacks! i love flashbacks so much ohmygod

No paths are bound by Arashii

“In seclusion, Lan Huan has the support of a ghost no one has seen since the massacre of Yunmeng Jiang. His feelings start changing with the often visits and conversations they share. Before Lan Huan can confess though, he ascends, leaving everything and everyone behind him.

Two hundred years later, back to the Human Realm and without powers, the Martial God Zewu-Jun has a mission to uphold. His Heavenly Calamity started. The clues are little and the support comes in the most unexpected form, the current Ghost King: Sandu Shengshou. Now they need to stick together to contain a menace that is slowly growing.“

TGCF AU TGCF AU

ghost king jiang cheng come on

doesn’t follow tgcf plot, just the setup so no spoilers

jiang cheng gets the dogs and the xichen he deserves

once upon a dream by cafedeolla

“Xicheng soulmate AU

An au where your dreams are small snippets of your soulmate’s day. They’d show small things like buying coffee, reading a book, or hanging out with people from their perspective.

The problem was that people always have expectations and Jiang Cheng knows he always falls short of them. Time and time again.“

soulmate au, but being soulmates is more a problem than a solution

misunderstandingssss all over the place

now with a squel (in progress?)

Lan Furen series by jagaimocchi

“Jiang Cheng leaves Lotus Pier before the Wen Internment Camp and before the destruction of his home. When he meets Lan Xichen on the run from the Wens after the burning of Cloud Recesses, his plan to live a peaceful life away from cultivation sects is quickly derailed. Now, free to make his own choices, he cannot find it in himself to leave the other man's side.

With love, patience and time, Jiang Cheng finds his own happiness and peace with his past.“

have you ever wanted a fic where jiang cheng peaces out from home in search for a better life, bc he’s Had Enough??? jags got you covered

adorable xicheng

good uncle-dad-figure Lan Qiren

ongoing <3

Just around the riverbend by JungleJelly

“One day.

Jiang Cheng just wanted one day of peace and quiet, away from home, away from his responsibilities, away from his idiot brother and his nutcases of a mother and father. Just a few hours alone — him and a boat and nothing else.

Clearly, that was too much to ask for.”

now with a new story in the series which is adorable too!!!

mermaid!lxc need i say more?

Bad ideas (where they lead) by JungleJelly

“Jiang Cheng is a busy man. Fortunately, he is also a huge pushover when it comes to his sister, so when she recommends that he start doing yoga, he agrees pretty easily.Featuring Lan Xichen in yoga pants, Jiang Cheng’s inability to handle a crush, and, perhaps most importantly, a big fluffy dog.“

done for 2020 MXTX MiniBang

yoga instructor Lan Xichen

Jiang Cheng is: struggling with a crush on the yoga guy from youtube & very angry about that

If there’s a price for rotten judgement by TheWanderingHeart

“All Jiang Cheng wants to do is, well... his job, really. Other than that? Keep the city safe, keep his nephew alive, keep his sanity intact (if possible).

So when his brother calls with unexpected news, he knows all of that is about to fly out of the window.

***

[Every instinct is telling him don’t ask, you don’t want to know. By this point, Nie HuaiSang has scooted closer to listen. Jiang Cheng takes a steadying breath and pulls out his antacids. “What did you do?”]”

superhero au, come on

jc just trying to do his job in peace

(he can’t)

i love it so much oh my god *sobs*

The Form of Boneless Ice by TheWanderingHeart

“Mythical beasts have long ago been driven to extinction by the gentry — hunted for sport, but more importantly for their magical cores. Since then, there remains only one creature that has never been caught. The Jiang’s retreated a long time ago. Abandoning land altogether, they sought safety where the humans could not reach.It all comes to a head though, purely by chance. (Or is it by fate that a spontaneous decision allows for them to meet? If fate were a rock!) Jiang Cheng suddenly finds his whole life balanced on the head of a pin — on the flimsy promise of a human boy. In his opinion, things cannot possibly get worse!(But then they do when the Wens decide it’s finally time to search for the elusive merpeople, and suddenly nowhere is safe.)“

there she goes again, with another beautiful xicheng story full of awwww and mythology

actually one of the first xicheng fics i read

i chose it because there were mermaids

painfully accurate takes on Jiang family dynamics

kids! lots of kids!

Let me Slytherin to Your Heart by TheWanderingHeart

“Jiang Cheng never thought he'd return to Hogwarts, but in hindsight, he probably should have known that someday he would.With his nephew about to start school, he reluctantly takes his good friend's bad parenting? career? advice and ends up tumbling head-first back into the madness that he hoped he'd left behind... and rediscovering some feelings he thought he'd left behind too.“

Harry Potter au!

just really fecking cute

lots of snakes

[I am not going to link all of Jo’s fics, though I probably could, just my 3 favourites. UOSB is there by default]

Talent Hunt Crew Finds Angry Guy Shouting On College Campus, Recruits Him For Vocal Projection Abilities by oh_fudgecakes

“Jiang Cheng, resident Angry Guy and heir to a conglomerate empire, has never been the apple of his father’s eye. Quashed under the shadow of his brilliant brother, the music prodigy Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng sees his chance to turn things around when he is recruited by the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt. One problem: he can’t sing to save his goddamn life.As he struggles to develop his nascent singing abilities, Jiang Cheng finds himself sucked into the whirlwind drama of reality TV, helped along by his adoring siblings, his irritable vocal coach Wen Qing, and strangely enough, the unfairly attractive host of the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt, Lan Xichen. Somewhere in the glare of the stage lights and an unexpected first love, Jiang Cheng stumbles upon the thing he was searching for all along: the courage to dream — and to attempt the impossible.“

done for 2019 MXTX Big Bang

uuuuuuuuuuh i might have cried maybe

heartwarming? painful at times? lots of family love?

slowburn xicheng being lovely

The Provenence of Hope series by velithya

“A chance meeting on a night hunt sets a course of events into motion that will change everything. Featuring Xicheng getting together, recovery for Lan Xichen, healing for Jiang Cheng, and always, always, hope.“

got everything. feels. hope. love. ~~healing~~

A Small Measure of Peace by Sandstone112

“With his brother in seclusion, Lan Xichen finds himself in temporary custody of his nephew with little to no expertise in the child-raising department. Uncertain and alone, Zewu-Jun is willing to do everything to be the person Yuan needs—even if it means inviting Sandu Shengshou to a playdate.“

a loooot of adorable family times with jc and lxc taking care of their nephews

good grandpa lqr!

canon but fixed and less painful

🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋if you wish to avoid scurvy:🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋

Some day I’m gonna make you mine series by locketofyourhair

xicheng getting together through the years

friends with benefits but the real benefits are the friends we made along the way

Take me over (take me tonight) by velithya

jiang cheng has a tattoo and lan xichen doesn’t stand a chance

i'd be the sweet feeling of release (mankind now dreams of) by piyo13

two bros, chilling in a cave, no feet apart because they don’t want to lose their cultivation powers what are you gonna do

haven’t read yet and shame on me, but AM GONNA:

Upon Our Silver Bridge by TheWanderingHeart obviously

““When the path ignites a soul, there's no remaining in place. The foot touches ground, but not for long.” ― Hakim Sanai

**

Lan Xichen's sorrows have caught the attention of something. Unlike the adventures and foes they have faced before, there is no obvious enemy here to defeat. If this is the same thing they thought had taken Nie Mingjue's life, then he believes it is fated for him to die as well. Nothing can stop the black fire when it wants to burn.Jiang Cheng is sure his part in this is over. Wei Wuxian is back, his grand adventure concluded, and he'd never been at the centre of it anyway. So what does it matter what happens to him in the end? Slowly, he will come to realise that there will always be a battle to fight, a story to tell, a choice to make, and there is no such thing as an end to anything.“

it was difficult to do things in 2020 and few i regret not doing more than not reading uosb yet :’(

i will tho

Emergency Help Wanted by piyo13

“EMERGENCY HELP WANTED I lied when I got my job. I told them I had a kid so I could leave early from work to pick him up from daycare, take him to doctor's appointments, and occasionally miss a day when he's sick. Long story short, I'm in too deep. I didn't think it through. Looking to rent a kid for bring your child to work day. Must be a boy ages four to six, longish dark hair, likes soccer. Must also be artistic as the macaroni noodle paintings I made seem a little advanced for his age. Also, I will pay extra for someone willing to play the role of husband when dropping him off. He's a prosecuting attorney who often brings his work home. Message me for further details. Serious inquiries only.“

Running Our Hands Through Embers by MarvelousMar

“If asked, Jiang Cheng would compare falling in love with Lan Xichen to a moth inevitably drawn to a flame.It burned.***In which Jiang Cheng discovers that even death can't help him escape from his trauma, so he embarks on a quest to save the people he loves, fix what he can, make the love of his life fall for him, and maybe, somewhere along the way, do a little bit of healing.”

The Beginner’s Guide to Moving On by InvincibleMel

gone from ao3, but i think there’s a link with a pdf going around

[no-reply95]

I was scrolling through the Beatles topic on Twitter the other day and came across a tweet from Mark Lewisohn referring to a talk he’d given to the Fab4cast podcast on the Get Back sessions and Spring period of 1969. I assumed that it was a recent talk so I gave it a listen but the talk is actually from 2019.

I tend to find Lewisohn’s podcast interviews to be very interesting. He’s obviously got decades worth of Beatle knowledge stored up so you’re almost guaranteed to learn something new or hear an anecdote that you’ve never heard before but more than the factoids he’s accumulated over the years I find his interpretations of the band extremely telling.

The part of the conversation that really caught my attention was when the podcast hosts brought up the fact that John and Paul’s weddings were really close together and wondered if the two events were connected in any way, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that this probably got the biggest reaction out of Lewisohn, the main points of the exchange are outlined below (time stamp 47:12)

Host: “Well also in this period there are two events, the marriages of John and Paul, within 8 days of each other… I read that John wanted to marry on the 14th, two days after Paul’s wedding but couldn’t do it because of legal issues, how much was his [marriage] a response to Paul’s marriage do you think?”

Lewisohn: “I’ve read that people say that it was but never heard John say that it was so there’s no validity to those claims they’re just people assuming that John didn’t want to be outdone by Paul… that’s the kind of writing that annoys me because it becomes part of the fact and it’s some writer thinking that’s what it probably was… Unless someone out there can find a Lennon quote in which he actually says it in which case I stand corrected and I’ll be very happy to do so”

There’s a lot going on in these quotes so I’m gonna break down my thoughts on this further:

The illusion of John’s honesty

What Lewisohn displays here is something I believe is pretty common within the Beatles’ authorship. I believe in Revolution In The Head Ian McDonald referred to John as “truth” and Paul as “beauty” and I think a lot of writers do tend to assign those attributes consistently to John and Paul. Reading (or listening) to the Lennon Remembers interview now, it’s hard to believe at one stage people took what John was saying as fact and never even questioned whether there were emotions or agenda behind what he was saying, despite the contradictions (“Me and Paul stopped writing together in 1962” vs “Me and Paul worked really closely together on Sgt. Pepper”) and because John was so charismatic and would speak openly in interviews and to people he knew about both the good and bad in his life I think people, and in this case Lewisohn, assume that John told us everything of note that happened in his life, which I don’t think is a realistic expectation of anyone, let alone someone as famous as John. I think it’s problematic to take John’s or anyone else’s words, especially when they’re said in public, as the gospel truth because everyone has an agenda and John was no different. I also think it’s unrealistic to believe that John would ever announce that the reason he and Yoko got married when they did was in any way connected to Paul, that would have sullied the sanctity of “John and Yoko TM”, I mean, how can you be the greatest love story ever if the reason you decided to get married was because your musical partner who you may have unresolved romantic feelings for got married? I don’t think John would publicly embarrass Yoko like that or risk undermining the strength of the brand he was trying to create with his new relationship by admitting that Paul’s marriage spurred them on. That Lewisohn is apparently holding out for a lost interview of John stating that Paul was involved in the timing of his marriage to Yoko just sounds pretty far fetched to me.

The timing of John’s wedding in relation to his and Yoko’s divorces

As discussed in this podcast, Paul and Linda got married (pretty unexpectedly I believe) on 12 March 1969 and John and Yoko got married 8 days later (and apparently they wanted it to be sooner) on 20 March 1969. Aside from the extremely close proximity of John and Paul’s weddings it should be noted that John’s divorce from Cynthia was finalised in November 1968 and Yoko’s from Tony Cox was finalised in January 1969.

So why am I bringing up John and Yoko’s divorces? Because it meant that they were free to marry each other from January 1969, there was no longer a legal issue preventing them and if John’s bursting out in song about it, you would assume that they would have started planning their wedding ASAP… but curiously they didn’t. How do we know John and Yoko weren’t planning a wedding before Paul married Linda? Because once Paul was married John and Yoko started scrambling to get married ASAP, suddenly there was a rush and need to be married that hadn’t existed before, John suddenly wanted to marry Yoko on a ferry but they couldn’t be married there, then John wanted to marry Yoko in Paris but they needed to be resident in Paris for a period of time before they could get married there so eventually they settled on Gibraltar as they could get married there at short notice. Clearly there was a sudden need for John and Yoko to get married that didn’t materialise until around March 1969, am I and countless other people (including Paul himself) crazy for assuming that Paul’s wedding impacted John’s sudden desperate need to be married? If it wasn’t Paul’s wedding, what was it?

Authorial interpretation and assumptions

I’m really fascinated by the visceral reaction Lewisohn had to just the suggestion that the timing of John and Yoko’s wedding was connected to Paul and Linda’s. For Lewisohn to state it annoys him was pretty shocking to me because, given what is publicly known about this period and the lack of any other logical reason for John and Yoko’s wedding to be so close to Paul’s and Linda’s, I don’t think it’s bad writing to point out the proximity and suggest that the timing was more than a coincidence.

Based on his reaction, you would assume that Lewisohn would be set against any form of interpretation where the principal in question hadn’t confirmed that the interpretation was in fact correct but that would be an incorrect assumption to make. Some of you may be aware of the Hornsey Road shows Mark Lewisohn was giving in 2019 around the 50th anniversary of Abbey Road. During these shows Lewisohn played a clip from the, now infamous, 4-4-4-2 meeting tape and gave a presentation on the Abbey Road period in the Beatles’ history. One of the points Lewisohn raised during the show was that during the sessions, after the car accident in Scotland, a bed was brought into the studio for Yoko so she (and sometimes John) could rest while work on the album progressed. According to Lewisohn, one morning they turned up to the studio and someone had removed one of the legs from the bed, leaving it with 3 legs *dramatic pause* which was him heavily hinting that he thought Paul broke Yoko’s bed on purpose and then bragged about it on the Ram album by including a song called 3 legs, I’m not going to go into the validity (or lack thereof) of this claim but I find it very interesting that Lewisohn was annoyed about authors suggesting that the timing of John and Yoko’s wedding was connected to Paul and Linda’s but he seems happy to publicly speculate that Paul was sabotaging Yoko’s bed in the studio based on the title of a song that he would release on Ram two years later and nothing else.

Is there any evidence that connects John’s wedding to Paul’s?

I’ve already outlined the suspiciousness of John and Yoko choosing to get married right after Paul, when they had been free to marry for weeks prior but is there any other evidence that either proves that the weddings were connected or is Lewisohn right to deem that suggestion as lacking in validity?

Interestingly there actually is unverified eyewitness testimony that does connect John and Paul’s weddings (something not mentioned by Lewisohn in this podcast). I believe there’s an anecdote from Les Anthony (John’s chauffeur at the time) about him driving John and Yoko around when news of Paul’s wedding suddenly came across the radio, to which John apparently said to Yoko that “we have to get married now”… I couldn’t track down the exact source for that story (if anyone knows the source please let me know) so I’m not sure how credible that anecdote is but, assuming it is accurate, then that would suggest a correlation between John and Paul’s weddings that Lewisohn is adamant doesn’t exist.

Why does this matter?

I do think that this podcast interview could be indicative of a few future concerns I personally have around the way the Beatles discourse will progress in the future. Firstly, this was only a podcast interview so it’s unlikely that when Lewisohn releases the final book in his trilogy that he’ll discuss the weddings in this manner (I.e. although he’s adamant the timing of John’s wedding had nothing to with Paul he failed to offer any sort of explanation regarding why John and Yoko were rushing to get married when they’d had weeks to prepare a wedding).

It’s a slight worry that Lewisohn seems to believe that John announced every single thing that happened in his life of note, especially concerning Paul and Yoko. If John had told us everything of interest about him, surely his Dakota diaries would be the basis of a Netflix series by now and not locked away in a vault (assuming they haven’t already been destroyed). To me, like several authors before him, Lewisohn seems to be mistaking John’s emotional honesty with factual honesty. It didn’t escape my attention that several clips of the Lennon Remembers interview were inserted into this podcast and Lewisohn quotes extensively from it in Tune In as well. There’s nothing wrong with using Lennon Remembers as a source but if you do use it you should be analysing the veracity of what was said as we know that John was in a torched earth mentality at that time and even he himself has said what he said in that interview wasn’t meant as a timeless manifesto. It’s a shame that given his ability of analyse sources Lewisohn has never (to my knowledge) critically analysed Lennon Remembers, given that other sources have been analysed this makes LR a strange omission.

Finally, Lewisohn does tend to make some good insights and does have the ability to read between the lines (I.e. him noting Paul’s tendency to say “we” when in most cases he means himself) but with John I do think he has a bit of a blindspot. Why Lewisohn is happy to speculate without evidence in some cases (3 legs) but he draws the line at the suggestion that John and Paul’s weddings being connected is anyone’s guess. If Lewisohn can turn his attention to reading between the lines with John and the other Beatles too and connecting the dots then we should get a Beatles biography that finally addresses a lot of the issues we cover on this site. However, if we take the approach of only using John and Yoko’s PR to understand the events that transpired before and after the band broke up then the story hasn’t moved much further than 1970 and given all that we know now I think that would be a huge shame.

[enamoured-x]

Sweet Release | Part 3

Angel Reyes x Reader 

Summary: You give Angel a chance and things get serious.

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Angst

Word count: 3.9k

Excerpt: “Angel was in your fucking veins, still coursing through you, still under your skin. He was in your damn blood stream, you were sure the ache of his love went all the way down to your bones and burrowed there.”

*gif is mine! 

a/n: okay so I lied, this is NOT the final part. Part 4 will be the final part!! Thanks for all the love on this fic! Enjoy!

Part 1 | Part 2

Part 3

Days passed by with no word from Angel and honestly, you were glad for it. You needed some space after what happened that night. You were torn between wanting him again and not wanting to put yourself in a position where he could hurt you. It was exhausting going back and forth with yourself, your heart and head fighting a battle. Needless to say that night only made things more confusing. 

You were just getting home from your shift at work. You were exhausted to say the least but you were glad for the distraction, at least for most of the day. Now you were home and your head was filled with Angel again. And as if the man could read your mind, which sometimes you thought he could, your phone rang. His caller ID lit up the screen and this time you didn’t think to not answer. After your intimate moment at the clubhouse and how everything with him was still unresolved and even more complicated, you decided to answer. 

“Hello?”

“Oh, wasn’t sure you were going to answer...” You bit your lip. You weren’t sure either but you were kind of glad you did. It was nice to hear his voice after a long shift at work even though you had wanted to keep your mind off him. No matter what everything always led back to him. 

“Debated on it.” Is all you said. It was quiet for a few moments and you were about to speak up again when he finally started talking.

“Are you busy tomorrow?”

“Why?” You had the day off but you weren’t going to tell him that just yet until you knew what he was planning. 

“Can I see you? Maybe grab some lunch and just talk? We don’t have to talk about us if you don’t want to but I just…” He sighed into the phone, “I just miss you and I want to be your friend again. Can we do that, mami? Can we hang out?” You were surprised at his offer. Not wanting to talk about your relationship but instead wanting to build back a friendship. Your heart ached something fierce at the idea. You missed him too. You missed his friendship, his jokes, his easy going personality. You missed just being able to have a conversation with him. Of course it went deeper than that, you both knew that. You two were still in love with each other and he fucked up, but right now he was trying to put in effort. Trying to gain momentum with you again and you couldn’t say no. You couldn’t say no to a second chance, couldn’t say no to trying to fix your relationship. Angel was still a big part of who you were and that was never going to go away. You figured it was time to ease into giving him a chance. 

“Give me a time and place, Reyes.” You swore he was smiling as he let out a breath. You couldn’t help yourself, you were grinning like an idiot too. 

-

Your hands were clammy. Your heart was going to beat out of your chest, you were sure of it. You had just seen Angel a few days ago, yet here you were, a bundle of nerves waiting to see him again like it was the first time. It was a big deal though, saying yes to this. It meant you were leaving the door open for your relationship, giving it another chance to see if you could really make it work. So yeah, you were nervous, if you were being honest you were also terrified. Leaving that door open meant giving Angel the power to hurt you again, to push you away. You knew that, you knew it was a dangerous game yet there you were at the booth at some diner waiting for him. You didn’t think anything of it. You were a few minutes early, just wanting to arrive already and try to calm yourself down. But you were anything but calm and he was five minutes late. 

Your phone rang on the table and your heart dropped. You knew it was him. You knew what was about to happen. You knew he wasn’t coming, you didn’t even have to answer it, but you did anyways. 

“Mami…” You could hear it in his tone right away. Guilt. You can’t say you were surprised. But you were still hurt at what this meant. 

“You can’t make it.” You confirmed for him. You bit your lip to stop the tears in your eyes from falling. You should’ve known. You should’ve known nothing was going to change. It was always going to be the same, wasn’t it? Cancelled plans and embarrassing yourself out in public. You were sick of this game. 

“I’m so fucking sorry, querida. It’s some club shit with some people across–” You don’t let him finish. You didn’t care what it was. He wasn’t coming and that’s all you needed to know. 

“Okay.” You didn’t have anything to say, you didn’t know why you hadn’t hung up on him yet.

“Please. I’m sorry, can we do this tomorrow? I swear I’ll be there.” You shook your head. The waitress was making rounds and you got up before she could check on you. You didn’t need this to become more embarrassing than it already was. You made your way out of the diner. 

“No, I shouldn't have agreed to this in the first place because once again I’m left looking stupid for holding out hope for you.” Before he can talk you speak up again, “bye, Angel,” you hung up the phone. 

It was true. You shouldn’t have said yes to this. Should've thought about how badly it could go. Should’ve thought about all those times he stood you up. But you were so clouded in the idea of being with him again. So caught up in the excitement of possibly starting anew with him and making things work. But you were a damn fool yet again. It was that stupid hope and excitement that had you hanging on to him for so long the first time that you didn’t see how undeserving you were of this kind of treatment. 

“Fucking Angel.” You muttered to yourself as you made your way back home raging like hell but also wishing you could just fucking cry. It's like your body wouldn’t let you, wouldn’t let you waste a single tear on Angel. You didn’t know if you were strong or just stupid for trying to hold it in subconsciously. Either way you knew the dam was going to break soon enough, Angel still held your heart in his hands.

-

You cuddled under the blankets on your couch as you watched some random movie you stumbled upon while channeling surfing. Your empty glass of wine sitting on the coffee table in front of you. You wanted to just unwind after yesterday’s stressful shift and Angel’s actions earlier this afternoon. You were tired of it all. Tired of dealing with this. You just wanted to move on from this back and forth. But you didn’t want to move on from Angel, that was the damn problem. Hell, you knew you didn’t want to move on when you refused to block his number despite the constant phone calls. And you knew you didn’t want to move on when you let him kiss you, when you offered yourself to him. 

You rubbed your temple at the headache beginning to form, it only got worse when you heard rumbling down the street and eventually heard it get closer. Angel. Or Ez but Ez would have told you he was coming over, Angel wouldn’t. The fucking gall of this man to be here after what he did today. You sat up just as the engine died. You took a deep breath, mind running with what you were going to say to him. Hell, what he was going to say to you. You were probably about to hear an ear load of apologies, honestly, it would be an improvement from the lack of concern when he used to cancel on you. The bar was so fucking low at this point. The knock broke you out of your head and you sighed, getting up and walking over to it. You looked down at your attire, sweats and an old t-shirt. You couldn’t be bothered about it, why would you care what you looked like in front of him? Especially now. 

You opened your door and just as suspected, Angel stood before you. His kutte on, underneath his black short sleeve button up. You loved that shirt on him, you couldn't help but think maybe he wore it for you. You pushed that thought away, it didn’t matter. You were pissed. Everything you felt earlier at the diner came rushing back as he stood before you. 

“Can I help you?” You asked, leaning against the door way, arms crossed. If earlier he sounded guilty, then he looked the part now too. Anguish in his eyes, at what he did to you today yet again. A fool, you reminded yourself. You were a fool. 

“I know I fucked up–”

“Which time are we talking about here?” You waited and he sighed. 

“Can I come in?” He gestured behind you. You were fighting with yourself. Don’t let him in, remember what happened when you were alone with him last time. Let him in, you guys need to actually talk this out this time. You chewed on your lip as he stared at you, waiting. You opened the door for him to walk in and closed it shut behind him. Officially trapping you inside with him. Officially ready to talk. You hoped. 

He took off his kutte and set it on the back of the couch and then took a seat, you sat on the other end of the couch, crossing your arms and waiting for him to talk. He looked displeased by the space between you two but only scooted a little closer. 

“I know it doesn’t mean much right now but I’m sorry about today. I wanted to be there so bad but something came up and it was shitty timing.” Shitty timing seemed to be the title of your whole relationship with Angel. No, that wasn’t fair. In the beginning it was good. 

“It’s always something, Angel.” You said, not knowing what he wanted from you right now. Did he want you to forgive him? You didn’t think you could do that. 

“I know, mami. I know. I want you though, fucking need you. I need you to know I want this to work, I want another chance to make it up to you and I know today was supposed to do that but I made it worse.” He did make it worse. 

“What do you want me to say? You’ve done nothing to prove to me that you’re going to do better. If anything, today proved just the opposite.” You stood up, energy coursing through. You couldn’t just sit still, not with all of this on your mind. He stood up too, stepping closer to you. You shook your head at him and he stopped. 

“Fuck, I know. I just…at the party...” He trailed his fingers through his hair, now looking distressed. You couldn’t find it in yourself to care right now. Did he think coming here to apologize was going to fix everything? That what he did at the party changed anything?

“Sex doesn’t fix everything, Angel.” You snapped at him. He shook his head, a bitter smile playing on his lips now at your words. 

“Really? Weren’t saying that when I had my tongue buried in your pussy.” His words knocked you off your game. How fucking dare he.

“I fucking told you it wasn’t going to change anything, Angel. It doesn’t. All it proves is that you can make me come, anyone can do that though.” You were angry and you were now treading dangerous waters here. 

“Watch yourself, mami. And don’t act like you weren’t fucking begging for it, fingers ain’t doing it for you, huh?” He asked, stepping closer to you. Fuck no. This is exactly what you didn’t want to happen. But his words turned you on just as much as they pissed you off. You were fighting fire with fire here. 

“Fuck you, Angel.” He laughed and grabbed your hips before you could back away again. You tried to wiggle out of his hold but he only pulled you closer. 

“Look at me.” As if your body and mind were trained to follow his command, you stopped your movements and looked up at him. Those damn eyes. You didn’t know what to feel in the moment. Your head was all over the place. You found yourself welcoming his warm touch and his chest pressed to yours. You also found yourself despising how easily you listened to him. How much you loved him. How much you hated what he was doing to you. 

“Let me make you feel good. Let me make it up to you.” He whispered. His words were enough to push him away from you and finally take a step back. 

“Do you ever fucking listening when I talk? I just told you, sex isn’t going to fix anything. It’s the same shit, Angel. You have to do a lot more to make it up to me than giving me a fucking orgasm.” You were pissed. What did he expect, to make you come again and hope for the best? Nothing was getting resolved here. 

“You’re right. Doesn’t mean you don’t want it though.” He steps forward again, “doesn’t mean you can’t use me to get off.” Now you were confused. Last time he said it was going to kill him, he’s fucking torturing himself now then. It was torturing you. 

“It’s not the same.” You muttered softly. He could make you feel things you’ve never felt before but in the end it didn’t matter because you didn’t have him.

“I know. I want more and I know it’s going to take time. But right now let me help you again.” He took your hips into his hands and you swallowed hard. You didn’t pull away this time. You wanted to cry. You were doing it again, letting yourself have him like this just to be left unsatisfied in the end even after an amazing orgasm. But you couldn’t help yourself. 

Angel was in your fucking veins, still coursing through you, still under your skin. He was in your damn blood stream, you were sure the ache of his love went all the way down to your bones and burrowed there. There was no getting him out so naturally your body gave in, you were made up of him anyways. An extension of him, of his soul. There was no escaping him. 

He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, breathing life back into you once more. Your body vibrated at his touch, at his tongue meeting yours. He tasted so fucking sweet, so damn addicting. He moaned into the kiss and then moved you to lay down on the couch as he gently got on top. Your breathing was heavy, at having him on top of you, his body heat encasing you, making you feel at home. 

“Gonna make you feel good with my fingers. I can’t give you–”

“I know.” Sex was off the table still, even for you. It didn’t mean you didn’t desperately want to feel him all over you–inside you. Because you did, you wanted it so fucking bad. But both of you knew you couldn’t give yourself to the other like that again, not until it was certain that it wouldn’t be the last time or it wouldn’t be out of lust and longing. It would be out of pure love and commitment next time that happened. Next time, that phrase was enough to make you realize that you did not want to end things with him. But you knew that, didn't you? That wasn’t the problem, the problem was that you needed reassurance before you could give yourself to him again, even if you were already his. 

“Lift your hips for me, baby.” You did as he said, he pulled down your sweats and panties just enough to get his fingers on you. You moaned at the first touch of him gliding his fingers through your folds. 

“So wet for me already.” He whispered into your ear. You grabbed onto the back of his neck and brought his lips to yours once more. His fingers started to work you over, lips never disconnecting from your own. He rubbed your clit with his thumb as he started to slide two fingers inside you. You whined into his mouth and he pulled away. 

“Feel good?” He asked gently, kissing at your cheek and jaw. You preened at the attention, at the softness and care he was taking with you. 

“Yes.” You breathed out, rolling your hips into his fingers. His warm breath on your neck made you giggle through your moans. He moved his head to look in your eyes and gave you a small smile. 

“Always so ticklish.” He pressed a kiss to your nose. Your heart ached with love, he was being too soft. Too gentle. Too loving. It was only too much because this was just a moment, passing in time, after it was gone there would be no sweet kisses and feather light touches. It hurt too much to think about so you pulled him down by the neck to kiss him again. His fingers filled you up nicely, no where near what you really wanted but much better than your own. He sped up his movements on your clit and started to curl his fingers inside you. You let out a gasp and he sucked at your neck, tongue and teeth meeting your skin. You were getting closer to the edge. It should be a crime how fucking good he was with his fingers alone, it should be a crime how fucking good it felt to have his lips on your neck. He licked at your pulse point and you were pretty sure he could feel your heartbeat on his tongue with the way it was beating. 

“Angel, I’m gonna come.” You cried out, trying to roll your hips faster and harder into his fingers, needing the momentum and the pressure. Needed him to take you over that cliff again. 

“Come around my fingers, mami. Let go for me.” He whispered and rubbed your clit harder, it was just what you needed to finally break free. Your orgasm crashed into you like a tidal wave, pulling you in all different directions. You were drowning again. You didn’t fucking care. You welcomed the wave as it pushed and pulled you against your will, you were not in control, your body was not yours in this moment. Angel’s fingers never let up, working you through your climax. It was never ending as your back arched. Your legs were shaking, clenching around his arm but he made no move to stop. Tears slid down your cheeks as he continued his ministrations. 

You’d never known anything like this before. Angel had the touch of a fucking god, able to bend you to his will and take you wherever he wanted. He wasn’t an angel, no, he was a fucking god. Your god, who worshipped you. Who got down on his knees for you. Who had that magic touch for you. He made you sing sweet fucking melodies of his name, your god. He proved just as much when you felt your second orgasm ripple through you. You cried, grabbing onto him, burying his head in your neck and pressing your face to his to steady yourself as you came for the second time. You were floating, free falling, fucking flying as pleasure coursed through your body. You couldn’t think. All you could do was sob into neck as you chanted his name like a damn prayer. 

He slowed his movements, trying to ease you back into this world before he stopped all together. You were panting, eyes closed as you tried to calm yourself down. Tears were still falling. You weren’t sure if it was from the pleasure or from the situation you were in again. 

You opened your eyes and Angel was there, looking down at you. He placed his lips against your cheeks, kissing away your tears. You squeezed him to you tighter, not wanting this moment to end. Not wanting to think about all the other stuff. But this was reality. He brought his fingers up to his lips, you could smell your arousal on them, could see it on them. He sucked them into his mouth all the while keeping your eye. Your breath hitched at the sight, you just had two orgasms and you were greedy for another one. He sucked your slick clean from his fingers before he pressed one more kiss to your lips and leaned back to sit up on the couch. You took a second to take a deep breath before you sat up and pulled your pants up. 

“I know that doesn’t change anything, baby. I know I have a lot of work to do. And I know I hurt you today again. But I swear on my life I’m going to do better, you deserve better. You deserve the world and I want to give it to you.” You closed your eyes at the confession, hoping you were done crying. His words were sincere, you knew they were. And yeah, he was right, another orgasm didn’t change much but right now you could feel how much he wanted to do right by you. It was in the tone of his voice, in the look in his eyes. In the way he touched you tonight. 

“I want that, Angel. I want that so bad but–”

“It’s going to take time. I know. But I can be patient, mami.” You let out a weak laugh at that. 

“You’re the most impatient person I’ve ever met.” You told him, no malice behind your words. Just a bit of teasing. He huffed out a laugh.

“I’d wait forever for you.” Angel was always smooth with his words, always the romantic. But you still felt your heart melt at his confession. 

“Let me make up for today by taking you out tomorrow. I swear to god I’ll be there, I’ll come pick you up myself.” You said you weren’t going to put yourself through this shit again. You said you didn’t want to look stupid again. So what the fuck changed tonight that had you believing he was going to follow through this time? It was just something you felt and you couldn’t shake the feeling. But your guard was still up, your heart still fragile. 

“Angel, tomorrow will be your last chance. If you don’t come, it’s over. For good.” You didn’t feel like it was much of an ultimatum as much as it was common sense. You could only give him so many chances before you had to draw the line somewhere. You were drawing it here.

He nodded his head eagerly, “I swear I’ll be here and I’ll be here everyday after that.”

You could only pray that was true because if he didn’t show tomorrow, you’d have to say goodbye to him forever. 

Taglist:  @starrynite7114 @xladymacbethx @fear-less-write-more @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @glimmerglittergirl @vicmackeybullshxt @miss-nori85 @blessedboo @kalimont83 @ctrlbitch @angelreyesgirl @langiinspirations @lilac-tea-time @melancholymelanin @-im-fantastic- @withmyteeth @isisafrofairy @elektriknachosss @krysiewithak @thegirlwhoisalwayswriting @mental-bycatch @smurfflynn @blackmissfrizzle @arination99 @bucky-iss-bae @anactualcaseofthetruth​ @m3ntallygon3​ @montanaraed​ @mrsmarvelous1995 @bellisperennis0​ @akalei349​ @mylittlelonelyappreciation​ @angelreyesgirl89​ @justlikebreathing (if you want to be removed from the taglist for this fic pls let me know!)

[hxseok-honee]

3005 || part 3

3005 [part 3] || “sound good, Princess?"

[no matter what you say and what you do // when i’m alone, i’d rather be with you]

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a/n : I AM SUFFERING I HAVE MADE M I S T A K E S

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_____________________________________

When Y/n steps into the forest clearing the next day, she finds that Hoseok’s not alone. There, seated on the large tree trunk near the cauldron where he stands, is her new acquaintance. Yoongi’s eyes flick up from the book he’s reading when he notices movement, Hoseok still having not seen her since his back is turned. Yoongi clears his throat to alert his boyfriend, but there’s a few seconds before he does so. He first takes his time holding eye contact with her, and she can see, even with a book in the way, that there’s a smirk playing on the edges of his lips. And then he’s blinking, returning his gaze to the page before him as he clears his throat.

Hoseok glances up from where he’s carefully filling vials of wolfsbane potion, glancing over his shoulder when Yoongi tilts his chin up, gesturing in Y/n’s direction with his head without ever moving his eyes from the page. Hoseok spins on his heel smoothly, grinning easily at Y/n.

“Princess! So kind of you to join us.” Even though she’s looking at Hoseok -- not really looking him in the eye, but still looking at him -- she sees Yoongi lift his head, and she wonders what he’s thinking about the nickname his own boyfriend’s given her. As if reading her mind, his opens his mouth, breathing out a laugh before he speaks.

“‘Princess’, huh? I wasn’t aware you were Cinderella -- you know, since you like pumpkins so much.” Yoongi meets her eyes again, that little smirk returning when she instinctively squints, glaring at him.

“I told you I hadn’t thought about the fact that they use the pumpkins for the food--”

“I’m just saying, I was wondering why the pieces of pumpkin in the soup the other day were so soft--”

“That’s not how that works!” Yoongi’s smirk widens, her reaction pleasing him endlessly. Hoseok only looks between them, eyes wide.

“Uh… do you two need a minute? Because I have no idea what’s going on here.” Yoongi breaks eye contact then, returning to his book.

“Your little wolf’s fond of Hagrid’s pumpkin patch.” Y/n flushes angrily, thrown both by the fact that he’d just referred to her as Hoseok’s little wolf and that he hadn’t even come close to properly explaining the situation.

“Okay, well your little boyfriend interrupted me in the midst of an existential crisis, which, frankly, is just rude.” Hoseok had been looking at Yoongi, also surprised at the name he’d given her, but he whirls around then, eyebrows hidden under his hair as he stares at her in shock. Yoongi also looks up, decidedly shutting his book and setting it down beside him before crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh, so that’s what you were doing! I wasn’t sure if that was just part of your regular lunchtime routine, or…” Y/n huffs loudly, and she feels herself growing frustrated by the obvious enjoyment Yoongi’s getting out of teasing her. But Hoseok’s reaction to their conversation surprises her enough to halt any irritation she would have felt.

“Okay -- you two are acting really weird… I mean, I can’t say much about Y/n since, apparently, she hates me enough to never talk to me, but Yoongi…” He looks his boyfriend over with surprise, causing Yoongi to deflate slightly after a moment. He uncrosses his arms, setting his hands in his lap as he shrinks shyly under Hoseok’s gaze. But it’s the way Yoongi’s ears are turning pink that tips Hoseok off, and he hums knowingly.

“I see--” He turns to Y/n then, the arrogant smirk she’d come to know over the years filling his face. “You’ll have to forgive him, Princess -- my little Prince isn’t the best at making friends.” Yoongi’s blush deepens, and he digs the toe of his converse sneakers into the dirt below him stubbornly. This is not the same Yoongi that had just derived joy from teasing Y/n, and she’s very surprised to see how quickly he changed. Glancing at Hoseok, she finds that he’s got his eyes on Yoongi, fondness dancing in his gaze as he smirks at his boyfriend. She decides then that their dynamic confuses her, but then she remembers what Hoseok had said.

“I don’t hate you…” Hoseok turns, eyes genuinely surprised that she hadn’t let the comment pass. Y/n only makes brief eye contact before looking away, never having been able to properly meet Jung Hoseok’s intense gaze for very long. “I don’t hate you.” She’d wanted to explain why she’s so shy around him -- that he intimidates her, probably without meaning to -- but she’d only repeated herself, unable to find any other words. She hears Hoseok snicker, and when she looks up, he’s got his back to her again, having returned to his potion.

“Well, that’s certainly nice to know. Maybe I should only give you one vial at a time -- then you’ll have to keep finding me every day, and I can finally get to know you.” There’s a pause, one where Y/n isn’t sure how to respond, but it ends when Hoseok glances over his shoulder at her with a toothy grin.

“I’m just fucking with you. I wouldn’t hold out on you like that.” He turns, holding a small container, one that she’s very familiar with. She steps further into the clearing, approaching the pair, head bent as she pretends to watch where she’s walking on the uneven ground -- a habit formed over the years so she doesn’t have to look Hoseok in the eye.

She stops when the little wooden box comes into view, and he hands it to her. But when she moves to pull away, he doesn’t let go, holding her there with the grip of his hand on the box of her vials. She looks up in surprise then, finally meeting his eyes without even thinking about it. She finds that Hoseok’s smirking, as usual, but it widens when she looks at him.

“There she is.” It’s whispered, and he doesn’t take his eyes off of her for a second while he says it, causing her breath to catch in her throat from the sheer effect of his overwhelming presence. She feels trapped by him, prey being mocked by that smirk.

Her eyes flick over to Yoongi, expecting to see some kind of reaction at her proximity to his boyfriend -- annoyance or irritation maybe -- but she finds that he’s only regarding Hoseok with eyes filled with intrigue. A thought seems to have crossed his mind when Hoseok had acted, because Yoongi’s examining his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow, like he knows something she doesn’t. And when he finally glances at her, it seems the shy Yoongi that Hoseok had dragged out has disappeared again, leaving a new Yoongi who only looks her over with surprised interest.

She doesn’t even realize Hoseok’s released her vials, too stunned by the suddenness of the moment. When she looks down and sees that she’s the only one holding the box, she’s still not processing it, so she stays close to Hoseok -- much closer than she’d ever been before in the 4 years she’d known him. He’s warm, she notes -- his body heat is as overwhelming as his gaze, passing over her in waves as a reminder that he’s there while she stares down at the box, eyes wide.

She also notes that, while Jungkook is much the same, warmer than most due simply to an internal adjustment made to his body after becoming an animagus so young, this is not the same. Where she’d always found her brother obnoxiously warm and only tolerable on the coldest of nights, Hoseok’s warmth is surprisingly pleasant -- nothing more than a reminder that he’s there, living and breathing beside her. It’s oddly comforting to know that the cold, offputting boy she’d come to know is warm in some ways.

The moment comes crashing to an end with the sound of footsteps in the distance, realization hitting Y/n like a truck when she thinks of what this situation could seem like to someone else. Stumbling backwards until she’s about as far away from Hoseok as she’d been from the start, she barely even hears footsteps falling into line beside her, her heart still pounding in her ears.

“Oh, hey!” Glancing up at the sudden voice, her heart flies into her throat when she realizes it’s Remus that’s right beside her.

Am I just gonna have a heart attack here? This is how I die, is that it?

She can’t even manage to smile at Remus, too flustered by the entire situation. She only glances over at James and Sirius, who have come along to keep Remus company. They wave, smiling knowingly at the blush on her face -- on the tree trunk not far away, Yoongi smirks, knowing they aren’t aware of the whole truth of Y/n’s current state.

“Hey, Hoseok! Sorry again for having to cancel on you last night -- we, uh--” Remus hasn’t noticed Y/n’s frazzled existence, addressing Hoseok like nothing’s off about the situation. He points between himself and his friends, looking sheepish. “We got evening detention, so…”

Y/n chances a look at Hoseok then, seeing that he seems to have forgotten the entire moment with her, smiling politely at the Marauders while turning to grab Remus’ doses.

“Don’t worry about it, man. This one told me that his friend Jungkook had gotten into trouble, so I figured you might be in the same boat.” Hoseok nods over to Yoongi when he says ‘this one’, and the boys seem to only notice then that Yoongi’s there.

“Yoongi! It’s good to see you, man -- I feel like whenever we find Jungkook during lunch, you’re missing from the group.” James approaches the seated boy, clapping him on the back good-naturedly. Yoongi only nods, an easy smile coming to his features. He looks mildly uncomfortable, but it’s clear he and the Gryffindors are familiar with one another, and Y/n wonders briefly what Yoongi’s like as he gets to know someone.

She doesn’t even see that he’s meeting her eyes curiously until he responds, his voice bringing her back to reality. She watches as he doesn’t look away, eyes locked on hers as he speaks, that infuriating smirk making another appearance.

“Yeah, sorry about that -- I’m usually busy during lunch.” Y/n’s mind flashes to when she’d accused Yoongi of interrupting her existential crisis during lunch, not ten minutes prior. She flushes, that annoying pounding of her heart growing when she sees that the comment is lost on James, his words meant strictly for her. Remus shifts next to her, and when she glances up, she sees that he’d noticed the moment, looking between her and Yoongi with curiosity. He clears his throat, shooting her a quick grin as he addresses Hoseok again.

“Well, I’m glad I ran into this one at breakfast today and heard you guys were meeting now -- I’d hate to take more time out of your schedule.” Remus reaches out, brushing his fingers along the inside of her wrist when he calls her ‘this one’, referencing Hoseok’s previous comment about Yoongi jokingly. Y/n’s eyes widen as she glances down at her wrist, watching as Remus’ fingers slide off of her skin before returning to his side, where he lets his arm hang.

She glances away quickly, trying not to make a big deal of the gesture, and she ends up catching Hoseok’s expression as her eyes pass over him. Remus had meant the comment innocently, of course, but the look in Hoseok’s eyes -- cold, hardened eyes that gaze emotionlessly at the spot where she and Remus had just made contact before flicking up to meet Remus’ eyes -- tells her that maybe he doesn’t like that she’s being referred to in the same way Hoseok had referred to Yoongi.

She’s not sure why -- a personal association to the words, an inside joke between the boyfriends, perhaps -- but Hoseok’s teeth are clenched, his jaw locking and unlocking as he smiles in response, and it sets her skin on fire. He’s not even looking at her, gaze trained evenly on Remus, but she feels the heat of his glare, very different from the heat she’d felt radiating off of him earlier.

“It’s no problem -- I’d have been happy to reschedule.” The words are understanding, but there’s an edge to them, the tone in his voice razor sharp. Y/n glances up at Remus and finds that he’s already looking down at her, his eyebrows raised as he looks at her knowingly.

“I get the Look all the time… just me though…”

Y/n blinks, confused as she remembers what he’d said to her yesterday. She looks to Hoseok, but when he flicks his eyes over to her, his gaze softens, and he looks away and scratches at his neck awkwardly. Behind him, Yoongi is looking at the back of his boyfriend’s head, eyes curious as he glances between Hoseok and Remus. His expression is fairly even, but Y/n can see that he’s been making silent observations when he finally smiles to himself and lowers his gaze to his lap, twiddling his thumbs as he thinks.

Hoseok moves to hand the box of vials to Remus after a moment, still slightly awkward from his obvious display of annoyance as he approaches them. When he passes the doses to Remus, he takes a moment to glance at Y/n, eventually reaching over to tap a single finger on the top of her own container.

“Don’t let me find out you aren’t taking these with food like last year -- sound good, Princess?” Y/n inhales sharply, only having heard the name when they’re relatively alone. Remus’ jaw drops, accompanied by James choking on his own spit and Sirius making some kind of strangled noise behind his hand. She looks past Hoseok to see Yoongi smiling widely, eyes dancing with amusement.

Nodding quickly, Y/n lowers her gaze and turns, pushing past Remus as she heads for the path back to the castle. Remus follows, stunned, and James hops off of his seat, not even bothering to wave at Yoongi as he and Sirius take off after Y/n, their teasing voices ringing out through the forest as they go.

Hoseok watches them leave, Yoongi only watching Hoseok. Finally, the boy on the tree trunk hums, eyes trained on the side of his boyfriend’s face as he speaks.

“So… She’s interesting.” Hoseok doesn’t take his eyes off of Y/n’s back, shrinking in the distance as she and the Marauders walk back to the castle. He swallows hard, sighing softly before responding.

“She’s certainly something.”