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karlachismylife · 9 months ago

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You and me both, comrade. Okay but since you all keep encouraging my brainrot insted of smacking me to get back into math (i love you all), I am back with more fem!ghoap. I wanna write some more full-fleshed out things about them, but I just have thoughts I cannot keep to myself rn.

Once they find themselves on leave together... wait, since when did it become so normal for them to head straight to Ghost's after they get dismissed? Since when does her flat have enough of Soap's crap so that there's no need for Soap to pop in and grab some clothes or other things for an overnight? Since when do they so overnights every night? No they're not living together, no one lives together with Ghost, Soap is just... a very welcomed guest... with her assigned towels and her fucking snacks stuffed all over the place and the bed smells like her too and- oh shit they're living together aren't they?

Soap just kinda gradually moves in - she's a mess, so it doesn't raise any alarm in Ghost when she finds forgotten hoodies, left socks, Soap's fucking hair products (all that shite and ya still look like a plucked cock), snacks that she never throws away, because well maybe Soap will come visit on their next leave too, right? And if Ghost finds herself munching on some of those horrible overly sweet things, she just restocks... just cuz she doesn't want the mutt to get all whiny if she visits and finds her little stash from half a year ago eaten.

Which is weird, because Ghost has trained herself to treat every visit like it's the last one. No expectations means no shattered hopes.

Soap is more like shattered teeth, when she barges through the entrance door after knocking for ten minutes and waking the whole neighbourhood up, duffel bag landing in the corridor before Ghost has any chance to ask wot the fuk - and then there follow her dumb punk boots, her denim vest with patches, tank top...

"Mactavish. The fock ya're doing undressing in me bloody apartment."

"Read yer messages ye bampot, Ah told ye Ah got water shut off fer three weeks."

"Tha' means ya can jus' barge in and make yourself at home?"

"Ye wouldnae leave me in time of need, would ye, m'am?"

Sweaty sports bra hits Ghost nearly in the face. Shouldn't have followed that hurricane Jenny up to the bathroom, probably, but does she really need to undress with such dramatics? Ghost squeezes the drenched fabric. Reeks of men's deodorant and Soap's body.

"Ya stink." Grumbles Ghost, picking up the rest of the clothes scattered in the hall. Grunts, because this leave was partially due to her fucking up her spine.

"Ye sniffing on mah undies already?" Bloody hell. Should've kept quiet. "Oi, LT, can ye bring me mah shampoo? Yers is shite. It's in mah bag. Dinnae want me drippin' all over yer floor, aye?"

"Didn't hear ya turning the water on. Just came to me and already drippin'?" At least she gets a comeback. Throwing Soap's clothes over her arm, Ghost actually goes and rummges in her bag. There's too much shit for someone who just came for a quick shower. There's also a stupid rubber duck with a Scottish flag on its chest. Ghost brings it too.

"Think ya forgot this one too. Can't bathe a puppy without its chewing toy, eh?"

"Och, away and bile yer heid. At least Ah'm nae washing mah hair with pure piss." Soap scoffs, ripping the duck and the shampoo from Ghost's hand, and gets back into the tub, gloriously naked and hairy as fuck, wet footprints on the floor mat. "Nae wonder ye cannae grow yer hair oot."

Ghost folds her arms on her chest and leans on the doorframe with a lazy look in her eyes - if Soap is shameless, why should she be bashful about this meat feast snorting and sneezing in her shower like a real pup?

"Did it cross your mind that maybe I just don't want to grow me hair out?" Her skeptically raised eyebrow is missed by Soap, who already shuts her eyes childlishly tight to massage her shampoo in what little hair she has herself. So much fussing for a bloody crest of fluff.

"Never seen ye even with an inch of length, LT. Ye wanntae tell me ye shave every day?" Her already incoherent accent-laden speech gets distorted by water splashing onto the flushed - from the heat, Ghost figures - face, spat out by too happily grinning mouth, running down her heavy chin, over the tan skin and chest that doesn't register as flat only because of the flexing muscles. With some effort, Ghost stops herself from looking lower, and runs a hand over her buzzcut.

Is it really that weird that she shaves her hair so often?

Long hair has been a privilege her whole life. Something for people who didn't need to think of it as a liability - as something that can be used against them so easily. Grabbed, yanked, twisted, torn out painfully. Something you'll need a lot of time to brush out dried blood and mutted from neglect knots. Something that will always give away your lack of proper sleep or food.

Her therapist said she had a long way back to her femininity - no wonder after it had been robbed of her. Ghost wasn't really suffering without it.

As she watches Soap blissfully humming off-tune some Scottish bullshit (in her very British apartment, bloody rebel), Ghost feels a pang of something. Apart from obvious want to run her hand up that fat thigh and make Jenny choke on her stupid singing by feeling up her slit through that bush. Damn, is she really thinking about that girl's pubic hair being longer that what she has on her head?

Once they find themselves on leave together, Ghost lets her hair go. It grows slowly, even with Soap's enthusiastic care (Ghost still shivers as she remembers all the shite she had smeared all over her head, some of those nearly sending her into sensory overload and earning her a tearful, guilty apology from panicked Soap), it's thin and barely wavy.

It's barely a couple inches when Soap, cradling Ghost's head in her lap on late movie night, braids a little braid, ugly as fuck, starting under a weird angle above Ghost's temple with a pale scar - that's what happens after you get repeatedly slammed into a table's corner - and held with a teeny tiny clear tie (where did Soap even get it from? Ghost doesn't ask - otherwise she would learn that it's from one of Soap's niece's Barbie dolls).

"Wha's that for?" Ghost grumbles, wrinkling her nose as if she hates the braid. Liar.

"Just felt like it. Suits ye too, LT," Soap knows she's a liar, too.

Because once it's time for them to come back from leave and Soap walks out of the bathroom with freshly buzzed mohawk, she catches a glimpse of the braid getting tucked under Ghost's mask - everything shaven off apart that little thing.

"If ya left your fuckin' dog fur all over me sink, I'll drown ya in it, ya hear me, Jenny?"

Suddenly Soap remembers she forgot something important in their (Ghost's?) bathroom. Hey, Ghost leaves her shavings too, they're just so damn blond ye cannae see 'em!

Me: scrambling to finish homework before my linear algebra class

My brain: can you imagine fem!ghoap tho?

I can't, I'm my biggest fucking enemy. BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE FEM!GHOAP THO?

Fem!Soap has absolutely Harley Quinn vibes, batshit crazy with a sprinkle of pyromania and several decades of unmedicated ADHD. If Soap got his haircut inspiration from some local punk band in his hometown, fem!Soap was the leader of said band, adding to Mam's grey hair every time she returned with new tattoos. Was playing football, when a new kid tried outcasting her cuz she's a girl, went on to beat the shit out of him.

That story about a higher ranking officer Soap punched? Sleazy motherfucker was harassing other women on the base and was unfortunate enough to choose fem!Soap as a target.

Walks around in tank tops and sport bras, all muscle no boobs, probably has a couple fake teeth, always is the one fellow female soldiers turn to when they need to get rid of assholes in the pubs they go for drinks to. Absolutely relishes in being called a "fucking butch" and whatever else those pathetic men try to throw at her, quickly fizzling out when they realize her biceps is the size of their thighs. She worked hard to be better than them, no matter how much some of her family wanted her to be a bit more... traditional. Not her Maw, though, Maw always said if her little Jenny wanted to be a soldier, she could be a damn good one.

Regularly participates in armrestling matches (banned in several pubs where she got carried away and broke someone's wrist) and pays for the round whenever she wins.

All those girls (and some guys) hanging off her elbows, and everyone assumes she's going home with one (or several) of them every time.

And fem!Ghost? She might have a horrible reputation, people spreading disgusting rumors about her past and what's under that mask (doesn't bother her, truth is so much more gruesome). Keeps to herself, grim sense of humour doing nothing to make her seem more approachable. A looming shadow, the personification of horrors they tell about what war and captivity do to women - and that's for those who actually know she's a woman. Most people just assume she's a big fucking guy, loose hoodies helping pass, deep, hoarse voice - never came back as it was from the time with Roba, broken by her screams with an ugly scar on her throat on top - only adding to confusion.

Too much baggage to unpack, all those things done to her easier to cut off with the dirty blond hair she buzzes to avoid the fuss. Every chance of having a family robbed of her in horrific ways, loneliness feels safer. Easier. Everyone's better off without needing to bear all those tons of crap she hoards on her broad shoulders.

Sits apart from the main company on those outings, nursing her bourbon and freaking people out- if she gets hit on, she sends everyone off with a few words. Even Soap, the blasting (sometimes too bloody brightly) sunshine, seems to fail with illuminating that shadow, all her attempts to get closer shut down. Maybe not as harsh as the others, but Ghost thinks - everything she touches is destroyed in torturous ways.

Soap shouldn't suffer because of her.

Until one day the chair in front of her lone table gets dragged back with a disgusting screeching sound, a heavy thump signaling of a huge (drunk) body plopping down across. Ghost doesn't need to look up - she can detect Soap by the stupid mutt's loud breathing, for fuck's sake. How many did she have?

Too many, thinks Ghost when a tanned arm lands on the table, resting on the elbow in a ready to wrestle stand. Must've been some kind of bet, no one else brave enough to challange big Scottish butch - so bored Soap, naturally, comes to one person she probably deems a worthy opponent.

"Not gonna let me back out, are ya?" Ghost shakes her head with a chuckle and finishes her bourbon, putting the glass down lazily and forgetting to pull the mask back down.

Soap's arm hits the table so hard it hearly cracks the wood - mere seconds.

Disarmed by a crooked, scarred smirk her big blue eyes are so obviously glued to.

"What now? Buy me a drink?" Ghost tilts her head. There's a shocked crowd around them, someone collecting a hefty win.

"Buy ye two and ye owe me a rematch."

Stupid mutt with blue eyes. Ghost wonders if she'll whine like a puppy riding her burly thigh.

#ghoap #fem!ghoap #ghost x soap #ghost cod #soap cod #fem!soap #fem!ghost #call of duty #cod #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #juju's replies #banana leaves #sadsadsadsadsadsadsadsad #gave banana

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sapientiiae · 1 year ago

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Eyes - do they like being watched?

eyes — do they like to be watched while they're having sex? do they like to watch others having sex? nsfw headcanon meme

In the sense of voyeurism? No, Zelda has never participated in such an act, and she is not quite sure she ever wishes to. While there may be a thrill in places whence she could get caught, she’s never thought to actually partake in such an act in front of others or watch other engage in such a fashion (this goes for all Zeldas).

In the sense of having her partner watch her in the moment, then that is a different topic. OoT Zelda is the most sheepish of the three, so she would be very bashful and uncertain at first and probably prefer to not be watched. HW Zelda, on the other hand, would relish in it, and then TP Zelda is somewhere in the middle, though I believe she would err more to the side of enjoying it.

The only way I could ever see the being watched/watching others thing change is in an OT3 situation. If she were to ever have two partners at once, she would be more likely to derive enjoyment from being watched by their third, likely seeing it as a form of teasing. I think she would also enjoy watching her two partners together, though OoT would still be more bashful about it while TP and HW are likely to get a bit impatient at not being able to participate.

#suggestive cw #the clear water’s surface reflects growth ⌈ ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴀsᴋs ⌋

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captainofthedauntless · 2 years ago

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Glow in the Dark

Bayverse Donatello x Reader imagine

Info + Warnings: Comments on Reader's appearance (all positive, no identifying features described). No gendered language, pronouns, or Y.N used for Reader. Friends-to-lovers type beat, still in the friends era. Set a few years after OOTS.

Commentary: I think Donnie deserves to get a little short-circuited, as a treat.

"You're starin'," Raphael muttered behind him.

Donatello tried to come up with an eloquent response.

"What the fuck?" He managed, voice an awe-filled whisper. He blinked rapidly, spinning his desk chair away from you and meeting his brother's eyes, motioning back over his shoulder in an are you seeing this. "What.... the fuck."

Raph chuckled, patting him on the shoulder, just shy of patronizing. Donnie couldn't bring himself to care. "Good luck, genius." Then, he walked past Donnie and away from the computers, calling your name. "What's got you all dressed up?"

Donnie spun back, gaze landing on you again. You were offering his brother a bashful grin, saying something about the event you had attended- Don had known what it was, you'd told him what it was on the phone just the night before, but he couldn't remember the details now- and looking like one of his dreams come to life.

You were, in fact, all dressed up; more formally than he had ever seen you. Your clothes seemed tailor-made for you, perfectly highlighting all of your best features, the colors you wore contrasting your skin tone beautifully.

The cherry on top of Donatello's "I'm-thoroughly-screwed" sundae was the purple bracelet you wore. It was thin and elegant and caught the lights of the lair like the universe was begging him to see it.

Like he ever could have missed it.

And then you were laughing, damn it all, and Donnie was so swept up in you that he nearly missed the pillow flying at his head.

He caught it at the last possible second (thank you, Splinter) and whipped his head to the side to glare at Mikey.

"Go over there!" Mikey said in a stage whisper before Donnie could ask what his problem was. "This is your moment, bro!"

"What moment?" He asked incredulously in an actual whisper.

"To make a move! Because if you don't, I might- umph!"

Donnie, pillowless once again, glanced back at you and froze immediately when you were already looking at him.

You smiled- half warmth and half curious amusement, probably about his whipping a pillow at Michelangelo- and gave him a small wave. He managed one in return, urging his mind to please regain its balance already.

As much as he enjoyed the chemical soup you caused in his brain, he suspected Mikey had a point. This was a moment, even if he had his doubts about it being his moment, and the last thing he wanted was to be blinded by dopamine.

Your attention turned as Leonardo walked in. Donnie couldn't hear what either of you said, but he could see that almost shy smile of yours return as Leo spoke- another compliment on your appearance, judging by how you looked down and smoothed out your already-smooth clothing before responding.

Donnie nudged the floor with the toe of his boot, smoothly turning back to his monitors and exhaling heavily through his nose.

"Donnie," you called a few minutes later, startling him back out of his newly-found groove. "You got a minute?"

Like he'd ever say no.

"Um..." he muttered, hitting save on his spreadsheet and bracing himself before spinning his chair around towards you and leaning back. "I do now."

You smiled at him again, shooting butterflies into his stomach. "I got you something," you said, pulling a small shopping bag out from behind you. "It's a little silly, but- well, it made me think of you."

He took the bag with a smile and quirked brow, glancing at it and back to you. He reached inside, freezing when he bumped into crumpled packing paper. Setting the bag in his lap, he carefully pulled the paper-wrapped item out and discarded the paper, finding a blown-glass sphere with swirls of orange and yellow. "The sun?"

"It glows in the dark," you offered, a tension in your voice that he didn't anticipate. "from the museum. The venue was right near it, so I swung in. Found this. I thought maybe you would have a spot to hang it."

He nodded, a grin on his face. "I do! There's an empty space over my work bench that would be perfect." He turned the ornament in his hands. "Thank you."

"Yeah. It's uh... a light in the shadows, so..."

Oh, he had to be hearing things.

"Like you."

Or dreaming.

"Anyway!" You clapped your hands once softly before rubbing them together awkwardly, turning towards the kitchen. "I should go get something to drink, so-"

Donnie's mind finally caught up with your words, and he found himself stepping out of his chair and towards you. "Like me?"

You hesitated, glancing up at him. "Yeah, with the whole ninja thing, y'know? The shadows, all that."

He couldn't help a little smile, tilting his head slightly. "So, uh, you're- you're suggesting I glow?"

"Maybe a little." He definitely wasn't imagining you matching his gentle teasing, or the way your shoulders relaxed. "Or maybe I'm saying you're full of hot air."

He chuckled, looking back down at the sun he held.

"It's... probably more about the glow, though."

"If anyone here is glowing," he started, hearing Mikey's encouragement in his mind, "I believe it's you. You look amazing."

You let out a small huff of laughter, looking away from him with a shy smile. "Nice deflection."

"It's not deflection. It's the truth."

"It can be both."

He hummed, and you looked back up at him.

"...Deflection or not, thank you."

Donnie nodded, motioning with the sun. "Thank you. This was really thoughtful."

"Of course."

"Let me make you some tea?" The offer came out softer than it usually would, a tentative note that your exchanges usually did not have.

You smiled warmly, nodding. "I'd like that."

It probably wasn't- definitely wasn't- the move Mikey had meant, but Donnie couldn't help but mentally pat himself on the back as he poured steaming water into your mug. It was something he had done dozens of times, but there was something different in your expression, your body language.

He was a turtle of science. He wasn't going to draw conclusions from one datapoint, couldn't be sure that the softness in your eyes wasn't a fluke.

But he could allow himself the most minute hint of optimism when he sat down next to you and you leaned against his shoulder.

#*writing #imagines #donatello #bayverse x reader #tmnt 2014 x reader #tmnt 2016 x reader #2014 #donatello x reader #tmnt x reader #tmnt imagine #i may continue this. idk.#also first time writing him lmao #trying to strike that balance of his canon confidence and a little flustered

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tirsynni · 2 years ago

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BotW/TotK Hylian Royal Family meta ahead.

These are my headcanons based on what I’ve seen from the games. Obviously, everyone has different thoughts on it. No bashing in it and possibly Rhoam-critical but not Zelda-critical. Just headcanons about how the role religion played in Royal Life pre-Calamity.

Also, I’ve barely touched AoC, so this meta is based more on BotW, TotK, OoT, MM, TP, and SS, with the full understanding that this is headcanon and no consistent canon on this matter exists and will never exist... not even between BotW and its direct sequel, TotK.

A major plot point in BotW is Zelda’s inability to connect with her powers. There is no indication that she can do the things Link takes for granted in BotW, like see the Koroks and dragons. I would be surprised if she could. She’s young, frustrated, and her father -- her only living parent -- is pressuring the hell out of her to connect with her powers. It’s clear in the flashback and in his journals that he isn’t acting like a parent and he’s aware of it. He’s acting like a king who knows that he needs a specific weapon and is given a rough rulebook on how to access the weapon. Per their history, Zelda has Goddess blood which gives her access to a weapon which can defeat this grand evil; her ancestor was able to activate it, so obviously Zelda should be able to do the same; Zelda is failing to activate the weapon which should be automatic to her per some ancient rulebooks. It’s unknown how detailed the guidelines for activating this power is or the King is just assuming that of course this is what Zelda needs to do to activate this power. I mean, it was 10k years ago (which seems insane to me, but whatever).

Here’s where more headcanons come into play. I think the power of the Goddess -- and honestly, pretty much everything spiritual -- is completely disconnected from the Royal Family in this era. Per their records, the last time the holy power was needed was a long time ago. I would be shocked if something else hadn’t happened in the meantime (seriously, it’s one hell of a time difference), but for them, the power of the Goddess Blood hasn’t been needed any time recently. Zelda has made it clear that she has no personal connection to it. Her drive is scientific. She has no internal motivation to be connected to the Goddesses. Her motivation to connect to her powers isn’t because she wants to connect to anything on a spiritual level. She wants the power to protect her people and, honestly, because she’s experiencing so much pressure and backlash. Again, per BotW (and TotK, really), we don’t see her do any of the spiritual/divine/extra stuff Link does. Link talks to multiple divine statues. He plays games with the Koroks. In the BotW flashbacks, she is happiest when she’s doing Science(!), and in TotK, she focuses on highly practical things with no stories (that I’ve seen so far) of her doing anything with a spiritual slant. Her focus is rebuilding a school, not rebuilding a church.

It makes sense, though! I think the Goddess Blood and its associated power is more academic than anything. They know Zelda has it. Hell, the Hylian Royal Family relies on that Bloodline to claim their divine right to rule. They know that the power of the Goddess was used by previous princesses to protect the family. With all that said, there is no indication in canon that it has any modern role in their lives. Hell, there is no indication that spirituality in general has any role in the lives of the Royal Family. It seems like the Goddess Blood has two primary roles pre-Calamity: to ensure Divine Right to Rule and to awaken to protect Hyrule from the Calamity. That’s it.

In at least one previous game, it was said that the Hylians’ ears were shaped that way in order to better hear the spirits and the like. We don’t know Link’s own abilities when it comes to this pre-Calamity. I personally enjoy the headcanon that he could hear and see far more than Zelda but didn’t want to say anything because it would hurt her. Would also match with the concept of “keeping his mouth shut helps keeps his ears open.” But there’s no strong evidence that spirituality or anything play a strong role in Hylian daily life pre-Calamity. It might have been something which was also lost through time. That is a major theme in many Zelda games: that important things, including connection with the divine, have been lost. The Zelda games love showing ancient, forgotten things, things whose stories can never fully be told again. The original stories are long lost, and all that exists in the BotW/TotK are modern interpretations, fairy tales, prophecies, etc. For further examples, see the Zonai Survey Teams and how they are excited about their discoveries but can’t connect to them in the way Link casually does.

I read a story once about how a pastor once invited an enthusiastic member of his congregation to lead a prayer one day. He didn’t ask her beforehand. She was always highly motivated, highly social, and a strong believer. He didn’t think anything of his request. It should have been fine! Instead, she walked up to the front of the congregation, stood there for a moment, burst into tears, and fled. Later, he discovered that while she was very religious, she was never taught how to pray. Prayer was a major part of their religion, and as such, it was expected that everyone automatically knew how to do it! Not so! He realized an important lesson that day and didn’t take it for granted again.

Prophecy and Divinity play a significant role in the Royal Family, but do they actually know what to do with it? Zelda is told to pray and she’s told to do it for a specific reason: unlock her powers so she can help defeat the Calamity. We never see the King pray or do anything religious at all. He obviously believes in the prophecies and such but doesn’t actively do anything himself: Hylia favors their family, Zelda has Goddess Blood, etc. etc. etc. Very matter-of-fact things. Nothing he needs to do, actually! Because according to the Prophecies, he just needs to make sure the players are in place! Actual knowledge and practice doesn’t come into play here. No actual internal spiritual beliefs: just practical applications.

So that’s my headcanon as to one of the reasons why Zelda struggled. Would knowing how to pray have helped in the end? Unknown. When her power eventually arose, she was still pretty disconnected from it. It seemed like in BotW and TotK that she never fully connected with it: just used it to fulfill her goal, which was stopping the Calamity from destroying her people. Maybe her daughter or granddaughter or whoever would connect with their spiritual heritage. Overall, King Rhoam, who had probably never really prayed a day in his life and had no real connection to Hylia himself, looked at his daughter, told her that the only way to awaken her powers was to pray, and never thought for a moment that if he didn’t know how to pray, how the fuck should she?

#meta #botw #totk #loz #not zelda bashing #i love me some scientist zelda #but really #she didn't want to pray #she wanted to see what happened #if link licked a frog #she would barely blink at a church #but would go nuts #over historical ruins #no idea if this makes sense #or if it is just rambling #but still #also makes me want to write #yet MORE AUs #sigh

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otnesse · 2 years ago

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Never watched the Zelda TV series at all, TBH, and it's extremely unlikely I'd like it if I had with how things were written for them (especially when from what I gather Zelda was abusive to Link, almost like Naru Narusegawa to Keitaru Urashima. Well, okay... TV Zelda's probably a LITTLE bit better than Naru, if only because Link himself was a jerk in that series and thus arguably does deserve at times Zelda's reprimands). Zelda DID have a similar depiction in the backstory for Breath of the Wild, but at least there she had a bit of an excuse for her less-than-stellar initial treatment of Link due to constantly being pressured by her dad to hone her powers in the event of Calamity Ganon's return, and ultimately chucking her toxic behavior aside after realizing she was ultimately in the wrong to treat Link like that.

As far as the old Zelda games (pre-OOT) are concerned, to be fair, Zelda DID have some good aspects in those games (in the original game, Zelda tore up her Triforce of Wisdom specifically to prevent Ganon from grabbing it), and A Link to the Past DID have Zelda help Link access Ganon's Tower as well. Even Zelda II had Zelda refusing to divulge the location of the Triforce of Courage even under torture in the backstory (a side note, but I really wish we got an actual sequel to that game, having two Zelda would have been fodder for a game in itself, and besides... technically, reviving Ganon isn't actually outside the realm of possibility just because Link retrieved all Triforce pieces. Hopefully Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom will convince them to do that. If they can make Metroid Dread a reality after two decades of development hell, they certainly can make an actual sequel to Zelda II.).

In regards to Ganon, or rather, Ganondorf, technically Ganondorf was first alluded to in A Link to the Past both in the manual and even the game itself (I think one of the maidens directly alluded to him). It was the first hint that Ganon was originally something other than a boar demon. All Ocarina of Time did was expand on that bit. It certainly doesn't detract on how OOT definitely gave us one of the more well-received villains in Nintendo history, though.

Dobson reminds me a lot of DragonAgeFTW, a notorious troll who inhabits GameFAQs among other sites, as well as Duke Remington (someone who stalks me on Disney Wiki and other sites purely to bash and assault me), and probably also TruthGuard/DocColress/AGW, so I definitely have no reason to view him in a good light at all, or for that matter his criticisms of anything like Abraham Simpson.

Nintendo-vember Level 4: a last minute birthday special and opinion on Zelda

Okay so before I start this post, I should admit that I initially intented to post this one only in a couple of days, to let the previous entry settle down a bit. But as some anon made me realize, today on November 21th is actually the 25th anniversary of Ocarina of Time.

I am not going to let this chance go to waste. So enjoy this entry.

youtube

Following the Localization comic and me giving the claims of Dobson a bit of a verbal beatdown, I decided out of a certain (biased) nostalgia for the Ocarina of Time, to dive in a bit further into Dobson’s genuine disdain for the game.

For a start, I take some clues from “thehypocrisyofandrewdobson” and just point to those little posts Dobson made in regard of one videogame, that not only fans but (as I want to show later) some of the biggest game developers ever have cited as being one of the greatest ever made.

So what is it? Is it your favorite game on the N64 or an absolute pile of shit? I also find it very telling, that Dobson doesn’t give a damn about story and only visuals, at least according to the tweet.

And before you ask, no, I don’t think Shadow of the Collosus is a bad game because “it’s not Zelda” or something. I actually agree with Dobson that it is a visually stunning game. In addition it manages to tell a rather tragic and poignant tale with only minimalistic story techniques and has quite some unique platforming elements and ingenuity in order to defeat the titular creatures. But you know what is also funny? The director of the game, Fumito Ueda, cited Ocarina of Time as a major inspiration and influence of the style of the game

As did other game creators, at least according to Wikipedia. And who wouldn’t believe it? After all, OoT among other things was one of the first games back in the day to include a target lock system for fighting enemies in a 3D-environment, making it as such something of a breakthrough when many other game developers truly fumbled with the jump from a 2D environment into a proper 3D one. Not just that, it was also one of the most successful game sales of its time. The N64 version alone sold over 7.6 million copies world wide. All while also being one of the most re-released Nintendo games ever, having gotten releases on the Gamecube and a graphically updated one on the 3DS.

Anything else I want to say about OoT I want however to contextualize in the “analysis” of the following two comics made by Dobson. One SYAC related, one just Dobson whining about the things that in his opinion make OoT a terrible or great game, depending on whatever mood he has right now.

This one is just one of Dobson’s earliest SYAC comics, in which quite frankly, all he does is bemoan the fact that people hate him for his “silly” takes on things. Flying eyebrows included. Which if you are even slightly familiar with Dobson is kinda bullshit. After all, his “silly takes” and opinions included among other things bemoaning the whole of anime being garbage because he fell out of love for it and the fact people called his work derivative of anime comedy tropes of the 80s and 90s. Or outside of just his comics openly attacking fans of stuff he didn’t enjoy rather blatantly.

There is also another “funny” thing about the comic. The blond guy (one of the few blonds not demonized by Dobson through his artwork) is pointing at the Holiday comic as one example he is confused people got angry about when it comes to Dobson

The thing is, I myself can understand people calling the comic crap without genuinely being offended about the “Christmas” and Holiday thing. For starters, Danny is a genuine asshole here to the old lady, who hasn’t done anything wrong then to wish him a good time, by essentially making her believe that she did an accidental racism by saying “Merry Christmas” instead of being sensible and assume he is jewish. In addition, you could argue that Danny is doing something inappropriate too by claiming to be of another religion than he truly is, to exploit the privilege connected to it to shame someone.

Lastly, it is hilarious how Dobson wants to “stand up” for non Christians on the holidays, when people at this point likely knew of the Channukah incident, that happened a few years BEFORE the comic was published

But again, I digress. Anyway, Dobson’s choice of the topic of OoT is in my opinion more than deliberate, even if Dobson claims that the only reason he did so was, because the comic is partly based on real events.

I get the feeling that was not really all that happened, because who in their right mind would not try to elaborate on their point. And even if the person in question just yelled at Dobson and then moved away, the strawman argument the (of course) uglified strawman nerd makes in the comic is not entirely wrong.

Look, say about OoT whatever you will. Perhaps it is not the best (Zelda) game ever (cause what accounts for “the greatest game ever” in a series or in general is partly based a lot on personal bias as well as the point in time it came out) but I think the following two things ring true:

At least storywise, it was a massive step up from previous Zelda games (especially the very first two of the NES days) and to a degree held the title of the “most complex” storydriven and “technically less flawed” Zelda compared to some other games that followed in the series for quite a few years. At least Wind Waker based on what I heard (haven’t played it yet, sorry) had a few flaws like the sailing and fishing for items mechanic that nudged the game down a bit, despite how many people consider it a great game in the franchise now. Twilight Princess was widely considered a spiritual successor to Ocarina, but some people complained about a too dark presentation or were even annoyed about Midna. And Skyward Sword’s original controls and the entire thing about Demise hasn’t sit too well with some people either. Mind you, this doesn’t mean I think the games are crap and Twilight Princess is in fact one I want to revisit soon again, now that I am in the mood thanks to the review.

The second thing, it did have a massive impact on the Zelda franchise. Many of the things that kinda make the world of Hyrule way more fleshed out and as such contribute to the fun of the games, found their roots in the game. Things Dobson btw may claim to enjoy in Breath of the Wild, but as evident by that comic I now present hates.

And in order to make my point, I combine what those elements are, while also dissecting the comic that is the true main point of this entire post, panel by panel

First, the “derpy Goron” thing. So, you don’t like the Gorons? Okay, fine, you do you. But why is your idea to show why you think they suck to give them derp-face and portray them as “dumb? Sure, they are simple minded in a manner in the game, but not like that?

If anything, Dobson’s choice of facial expression and the “DUH” implies that he wants to use the word retarted to describe them. Which you know, kinda offensive. And also hypocritical, as Dobson would show down the line in life that just even the word “derpy” to use to describe a character, would in his mind be problematic.

As evident by the following MLP related posts provided by Hypocrisy, that show his dA journal expressed opinion on the Derpy Hooves controversy of 2012

In addition, hating the Gorons? Why? I admit, I did not think too much of Goron City as a location. It is a cave system in form of a hole in the ground, inside a mountain. Not very much to see there, but that was in regard to the technical limitations of the time. As a species however, I like them. Some of them are just simple minded, but kind creatures, but then you also have a badass like Darunia, who even becomes your brother in blood after you save the species from starvation. They are to me kinda like the Zelda version of the trolls in Discworld, elemental creatures that can also be funny but badass. In addition, traveling through territory leads to encountering some of the best dungeons in the game. Including the dungeon in Death Mountain, where you have to fight a dragon with a sledgehammer.

Nintendo's original GigaChad

Lastly, the Gorons would help to flesh out the world of Hyrule significantly, by introducing one of the first non human/elfish and yet intelligent species in the entire franchise. Till then, most of the time when you interacted in a Zelda game with an NPC able to talk, it was some other Hyrulian phenotypical to Link. Creatures such as Goblins or Lynel were only minions to Ganondorf. The Gorons, Zoras and Gerudos are the first major species with their own additional culture and kingdoms in the land of Hyrule and they got introduced in this game and further developed in other games.

Heck, Darunia is actually even something of a callback, as he is named after a town in the second Legend of Zelda game for the NES. You know, the sort of games Dobson worshipped.

Ganon(dorf) not being a pig Yeah. And that is a good thing.

Frankly, when OoT came out, most people assumed it to be a “prequel” to A Link to the Past from the SNES, because in this game Ganon isn’t yet in a boar demon form and goes by the name of Ganondorf. And they thought it was awesome. After all, A Link to the Past was a great game for many, and this implied that through OoT we get the “backstory” of this game, by diving into the very conflict that sealed away the Golden Land and resulted in a thief becoming the King of Evil. And we did… kinda.

Ignoring the Zelda timeline branching out more than Dobson ever did in his artistic growth, for quite some time it really came off like this game was a prequel to the SNES game. But not just that, it expanded on the Zelda myth and in doing so also on Ganon, which was more than a good thing.

Let us be real here: Ganon until that point was a boring boar. He simply was a fat blueish boar demon sitting with his thumbs up his ass in the final dungeon till you came along and finished him off with the sword or the silver arrows. Of all the four main Zelda games that existed by Nintendo up until that point, he only showed up in two.

The thing on the left is supposed to be the true embodiment of evil? Oracle games Ganon on the right was better than that!

Sure, he was the main antagonist and supposed mastermind behind everything in the first Zelda and A Link to the Past, but he had no real presence in the game. He wasn’t like let’s say Kefka in Final Fantasy 6, who showed up early on and became a constant thorn in the side for the heroes over the course of the game or the narrative till we were meant to fight him.

Ganondorf rectified that. In OoT, he was an active threat from the get go. Having assured that the Deku Tree would be infected by a deadly parasite, almost starving the Gorons to death, infecting the patron of the Zoras with another creature before the adventure of Link even began. And once he got IN story the triforce of power after essentially taking advantage that those dumb kids tried to stop him in order to enter the sacred realm… HOLY SHIT did things turn dark. Now Hyrule was ruled by a genuine king of evil.

The great kingdom we travelled before in search of three gemstones being turned into a wasteland and everyone we started to care for suffering in one way or another. We had more urgency, because the way the story had handled Ganondorf up until that point, made defeating him way more personal than in prior games. We didn’t just get a final baddie to fight to wrap things up, we saw the rise and fall of evil. Not to forget, his boss battle, with the castle falling apart and then the final battle in which Ganondorf finally snaps and takes on a demonic beastform… I have to say, playing that as a kid felt way more epic than the way it was presented in prior games.

The game essentially abandoned Ganon’s beastial cartoonish look and shallow final boss presence from previous games, to reinvent him as one of the greatest videogame villains of all time. This game establishes him as a determined, malicious and highly cunning villain in search of ultimate power, with his own backstory and origin to booth and laid the groundwork for his presentation in every game afterwards. Be it the old, more regal but still utterly mad man who wants to make Hyrule resurface from the sea in Wind Waker, the semi immortal manipulator in the shadows in Twilight Princess or the usurper and semi demon god in the Breath of the Wild continuity, who even in death is an utter menace thanks to his miasma overflowing the kingdom like some eldritch horror.

You know how they say that a villain is at times only as good as his best villains? Ganondorf is that example for the entire Zelda franchise, if not the entire Nintendo canon. As evident by the fact, that fans and even the main company alike think, that in any form of villainous team up he would be the true leader among the group.

The timeline branching Okay, I kinda agree with Dobson, the timeline branching really is an issue with that franchise. But none I would blame OoT for.

Timeline according to the Hyrule Historia post Skyward Sword but BEFORE the Breath of the Wild

To me it is like that: The timeline branching is a problem that first genuinely surfaced in the wake of Wind Waker and Twilight Princess, as prior to those games you could, even as a casual Zelda player, kinda put the games into a certain chronological order, even if the games themselves were NOT released as such.

Like to me OoT was the first game, followed by Majora’s Mask, then a new Link fought Ganon along in A Link to the Past, the Oracle games and Link’s Awakening, before the NES games had the final incarnation of Link get rid of Ganon for good. Either that or you ignored the NES games and considered everything from Wind Waker on a reboot.

But I digress. To me, OoT can’t be blamed for the timeline branching (nonsense), because the game itself did not attempt to “branch” the timeline. That is something other people, the game developers of future installments started to do, all while just saying OoT should be the point of divergence because it is chronologically the first game with time travel shenanigans.

Blaming it, is like blaming the great grandparents of Jeffrey Dahmer for his murders, because by reproducing and bringing one of his grandparents into the world, the existence of that monster was guaranteed.

On another note, Dobson also genuinely thought the Zelda games should only follow ONE Link for all eternity, instead of reincarnations or alternate versions. Which I guess may be linked to some autistic desire for conformity.

Sidekicks Oh, you are one of those people!

Frankly, I never got the hate Navi gets. I admit that her “hey listen” can get annoying over time, but as far as I know, this has been more of an issue in the American release of the game, than in the PAL version. Or at least I never got the impression she was that annoying. But frankly, she had way more positive functions as a “device” in the game to me, than anything. Plus, I can think of worse sidekicks in the series interrupting the flow of the game.

Navi has been criticized by some people in the fandom so hard, at this point it isn’t fair criticism in my opinion as much as it is blatant character bashing.

Also, complaining about annoying sidekick characters and how they are dumb?

Dobson is the last person online to do just that.

Fans Yeah, how dare people have fun with a videogame, that may have also impacted in a positive manner how they think of the medium overall.

I will say this: Yeah, overzealous fans in any fandom are annoying and I actually agree with Dobson on the notion that even if you love something, you should also look at it once in a while with a critical or neutral eye. Admit for example if something has flawed, but also try to explain why these flaws make it good in your opinion e.g.

However, two things work against Dobson’s point.

First, I think that overzealous hatred for something is even worse than overzealous joy.

Second, like with his hatred for sidekicks, Dobson is one of the last people on the planet to get mad at people being fans of anything to an extreme degree, when he himself has shown rather unhealthy fan behavior. Be it by hating George Lucas for the Star Wars prequels…

Obsessing over KorraSami to the point of it overshadowing the actual show…

Or spending more than 500 hours on Zelda Breath of the Wild in only 7 sessions

Now in his defense, spending hundreds of hours in an open world videogame is not the problem. But 568 hours in seven sessions? That amounts to an average of 78,2 hours per session. So either Dobson let the console run while he was busy doing other stuff (though I doubt they included actually drawing comics) and in doing so wasted precious electricity or he is a severe game addict.

The Zora redesign Again, I don’t get the problem. Zora’s in “A Link to the Past” were pretty much just mindless random monsters. This game established them as a sophisticated species and independent kingdom. And while Princess Ruto could be annoying and the Water Temple was so frustrating, I spend months not playing the game because I was stuck in it, I think the Rutos were a great addition to the game and the series as a whole.

Again, the world of Hyrule wouldn’t be as colorful and interesting, if it hadn’t been further fleshed out by the addition of non-elfish species and kingdoms/tribes. This game learnt to walk, so that Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom could essentially run.

I think the only reason Dobson hated them was, because he thought them being turned humanoid turns others into furries. Granted, I can kinda understand why someone would go Troy McLure based on that design…

But I think the designs of later games are even more detailed.

Heck, if I ever find out that he claimed for Breath of the Wild or some other game, that the Rutos are amazing and he always loved them, I will laugh my ass off at the hypocrisy. Before punching him in the face while smiling like Sidon

Oh and I will admit freely, that I love Sidon and his sister, even if my current main expossure to them is via Hyrule Warriors- Age of Calamity. Cause god dang it, those two siblings deserve a happy end, even if it is just in an alternate timeline.

Moving on...

Empty Fields

I will say this: Yeah, the Hyrule Field is my least favorite location of the entire game. It is just a huge grassy plane connecting the different more intriguing locations of the kingdom and before you get Epona or the songs to teleport to the different temples and dungeons, traveling across it can be rather annoying. But if walking around terrain without doing much is such a problem to Dobson, why exactly does he enjoy Breath of the Wild again, as it does involve a lot of travelling around vast space too? Granted, it is at least space with interesting scenery and great battles against minor yet dangerous monsters, but it’s the principal that counts for me here. Not to forget, walking around an overworld map that is kinda empty or devoid of much has been a stable for many games. Including great ones, wherein the lack of action, but the presence of a great atmosphere, helps to sell the game’s atmosphere. Including Shadow of the Collosus, which Dobson claims to love. Btw, if Dobson hates dungeons in Zelda, why isn’t he lapping up the actual overworld?

And this btw is only the second most annoying nitpick in the comic if you ask me. Cause the most annoying comes of course now

LINK IS BLOND! Again, like I asked in the last post, what is it with Link having a lighter hair color now than before, that makes Dobson channel his inner Chris Chan here? Link being blond is essentially what Sonic’s arms are to the internet’s most famous motherfucker. I just get the impression that Dobson genuinely believes the stereotype of blond people being dumb or at the very least “nasty” as the face Link makes in the panel also is kinda one reserved for genuine douchebags. Smug, slightly arrogant, as if he is going to give someone a swirly.

Heck, Dobson’s asshole level smugness about Link’s hair color has not only been more or less the reason for an entire comic complaining about it to exist…

If he could, he drew the character as often with brown hair as he could.

Frankly, I am more concerned about how Dobson’s interpretation of Link looks more like Link’s mother fucked a troll doll (something about the nose in most Link drawings by Dobbear give the impression to me) than anything from the genuine games. Like for someone who considers himself an artist, his own art doesn't really manage to capture what Link is supposed to be (End part 1/2. Second part uploaded in a minute because of a problem regarding the uploading of pics)

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wc-confessions · 2 years ago

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using a new blank blog to send this confession bc anon is off and I don't want to associate this with my main blog, but also I'm sick and tired of this and I just want to get it off my chest.

I am VERY ready to get sent threats for this, but I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE when Warriors rewrites/aus make Brambleclaw/star evil or just bash Brambleclaw/star endlessly. I KNOW he's an abusive dickwad and I DO NOT condone his actions in the SLIGHTEST. But he was still my one of my favorite characters of all time as a kid - I'd even go so far as to say he was my comfort character. (That's not the case any more obviously.) The Darkest Hour was my first ever WC book and I adored Bramblepaw standing up to Tigerstar, and his determination to become better than his father ever was. I loved how he was flawed in TNP but still knew where his morals lay in the end. I loved his relationship with the Three in POT. I was so excited to see him become leader in OOTS, but now I wish he never became leader, because I can barely even recognize Bramble now. This isn't the Bramblepaw/claw I grew up with and adored so much, and I despise the Erins for what they did to him.

But back to my main point - I also despise when Warriors rewrites/aus make it seem like Bramblestar was always evil, like he was always an abusive cocksack, because THAT LITERALLY WAS NOT THE POINT OF HIS CHARACTER. The point of his character, and the reason why I loved him, was that he was someone who rejected his evil family and always strove for good. I assume that a lot of these rewrites and AUs were made by people who joined the fandom when they were younger and have only known Dickmuncher Bramblestar, but it still hurts. I also have autism and RSD and am a hyper empath, which of course makes the hurt feel that much worse, as it just feels like they're ignoring the point of Bramble's character, just like the Erins.

And don't get me STARTED on the people who villanize Brambleclaw in TNP rewrites only to turn around and make Crowfeather, Ashfur, or Hawkfrost the heroes and the Squirrelflight love interest. THAT IS LITERALLY STRAIGHT UP CHARACTER/SHIP FAVORITISM AT THIS POINT! AND IT'S HYPOCRITICAL AS FUCK TOO! ALL THREE OF THOSE CHARACTERS ARE JUST AS BAD AS MODERN BRAMBLESTAR. ACTUALLY, NO, FUCK IT, I'M JUST GOING TO SAY IT: CROWFEATHER AND ASHFUR ARE WORSE THAN MODERN BRAMBLESTAR! Even as a kid I MUCH preferred the bantery friendship Brambleclaw and Squirrelpaw had over their romance, and in my WC reimagining I see them as queerplatonic partners (with Bramblestar being gay and with either an equally reworked Ashfur or with Stormfur, and Squirrelflight as a trans MTF asexual lesbian with Jessy, or as just straight up a single girlboss), but like BREAKING NEWS: YOU CAN PREFER ONE ROMANTIC PARTNER FOR A CHARACTER WITHOUT DEMONIZING THE OTHER(S)!!!! HAVE THOSE PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF RON THE DEATH EATHER??????????? OR DRACO IN LEATHER PANTS???????????????????????

VERY sorry for how long this got, and if it got a bit personal at points, I just REALLY needed to get this off my chest. Now if you excuse me, I'll be in the corner reading rewrite/au fanfics of the himbo cinnamon roll nursery dad never-becomes-leader Brambleclaw who endlessly supports his QUEERPLATONIC PARTNER/BESTIE Squirrelflight/star that the Erins SHOULD have given us in canon :D

‎

#confession #text #rainycoffeedragon #long post #warriors #warrior cats #wc #bramblestar #ask to tag

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zz-chikorita · 3 years ago

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Let's say, in theory, Leon and Guzma as they are in your Jolly Rogers fic suddenly go through a magical body-swap situation, where Leon is in Guzma's body and vice versa, and they're somehow aware that it's not permanent and it'll go back to normal after a couple days, so there's no need to panic about fixing it.

What's the first thing they each do? Who's going to make the dumbest joke? Does one or the other or both panic about 'don't go looking at my naked body!'?

Aaah! You always come up with the best prompts!

Ok, so, the fun thing about the pokémon world is that this kind of idea is not as farfetched as you may think, what with all the psychic type pokémon and different moves and abilities and such...

Anyways, absolutely the first thing Guzma would do in Leon's body would be (50% as a joke, 50% because he really wants to) is grab his own (ie Leon's) tits and make some obscene comments to get a rise out of Leon.

That just makes logical sense.

Leon's first reaction would probably to start panicking and pacing around while mumbling about how this is going to affect his schedule and what is he going to do about his commitments for today and- STOP BLOODY GROPING MA CHEST YE JUNKIE

(More under cut- CW: child abuse, bullying, panic attacks, chronic pain, general nsfw tomfoolery)

They end up sitting quietly for a little while just kind of reflecting on the situation. Guzma looks down at his (Leon's) hands and has a millions emotions flash through his mind since he, many times -especially as a child- looked down at his own hands and wished- even prayed to Arceus, Tapu Koko, anyone who would listen- that he'd wake up one day and his skin would be dark and his peers wouldn't tease him anymore. And... maybe even his dad would finally be able to love him again... So yeah, lots of trauma rearing its ugly head for ol' Guzma.

Leon, on the other hand, is in awe of being in such a strong, weathered body. It's fascinating, just being able to feel Guzma's power. He looks at his (Guzma's) hands and maps out every little old scar and callus... he imagines all the hardship these hands have been through... and gains a new appreciation for how gentle and caring they have proven to be, even despite their rugged exterior. He feels all of Guzma's chronic aches and pains in his neck and back and wonders how he even manages to get out of bed in the morning. Then they run into a problem...

Leon has to use the restroom and he's super flustered and stuff but Guz is like dude, it's fine, we're both guys, just go but Leon's still bashful and hesitant. During this, Guzma is discovering that his own face apparently looks super cute when all red from being flustered and embarrassed. (No wonder Kukui was always teasing him when they were kids...)

Eventually, Leon concedes and then goes to the bathroom but while he's in there, he yelps because, at this point, this sweet little innocent dumbass hasn't looked up what a Jacob's ladder is yet. So, he has a mild panic attack when he first realizes it means Guzma has, not just one, but, multiple piercings in his dick. (I say "realize" and not "see" because Leon, bless his heart, was trying to be respectful as possible and not look down so he actually felt the piercings before actually seeing them and damn that triggered a whole lot of new emotions for his brain to try and handle/process all at once.)

Guzma didn't even think about this issue and, of course, goes to check on Leon when he hears him yelp only to find him standing there, dick in hand, just like staring at it. Leon starts babbling incoherently and guzma is like ohhhhhh, right... yeah... those... I uhh... probably should've warned you first...

Then, to Leon's horror, he actually starts getting hard. He can't quite tell if Guzma himself has realized it yet so he panics and shouts GIT THE FUCK OOT! then shoves Guzma out and slams the door in his embarrassment.

Meanwhile, Guzma's like, huh, so that's what I look like when I'm pissed... Not bad...not bad at all...

While Leon continues his crisis, Guzma goes and can't help himself from trying on Leon's cape. It's heavy on his shoulders and forces him to keep the muscles in his upper back, shoulders, and chest straight and taught. Then he looks at himself in a mirror and twirls and poses a little bit and- oh no he's actually starting to like it abort, ABORT!

But, damn, why does it look so good though??? He tries to do Leon's Charizard pose but almost trips and falls all over himself, so he ends up leaning against the mirror to steady himself and is laughing like a dumbass. Then, he sees Leon's smiling, giggling face in the mirror and is given pause, his heart skipping a beat. He studies his (Leon's) features very closely, kind of like how Leon did to him that one time he was still passed out from the fever (although, guzma still doesn't know that that happened). He reached up and gently touches his (Leon's) lips, wondering what it would feel like to kiss them... or nip at them...

And then, Guzma, the hopeless romantic (or unrelenting horn dog, you be the judge) that he is starts to feel himself getting hard. And... weird, it feels a little tight- ouch- ok, it feels really tight. Is Leon wearing a dancer's belt three sizes too small or something?

And I think I'll leave it at that for now 😝

But, thank you again, that was a very fun ask!

P.S. Guzma at some point in there has a mighty need to check if the carpet matches the drapes.......... for science...

#ask zz c #what with the hcs an such #what with the aus and such #ask and ye shall receive #guzma #pokemon leon #ya boy #mind swap au #jr au

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