#and before my dad and my stepmom divorced we would always go out to bars on the boat and the entire family would play

[raybansandcoffee]

Adventure of a Lifetime: Chapter Eleven

You can find the previously published chapters of Adventure of a Lifetime here. 

“Dad, I’m really glad you suggested the homemade pizza for tonight. It was perfect,” I said as I leaned back in my chair. The weather was nice enough that we’d all piled around the table on the deck.

“It’s the family tradition for special occasions and while today, tomorrow and the rest of the weekend will be hard, all of us gathered around one table as a family is special. We don’t get this very often anymore.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I should come home more.” I looked down at the beer in my hand before taking a drink. I had avoided going home as much as possible and I shouldn’t. My family was my everything and I’d allowed my fears to keep me from them.

“The first year was hard,” Mandi said. “It will start to get easier as you become more accustomed to how the kids’ lives work. You’ll be able to come home more.”

“I’m trying to convince her to come home for part of the summer. She’s thinking about it,” Frankie blurted out. I scrunched my face up. Her verbalizing that to the whole family meant all of them, and Jeremy would try to convince me to go back to LA.

“You didn’t tell me that.” Jeremy was sitting next to me and looked me dead in the eyes. I knew he was leaving, we’d talked about how he was leaving and I’d not mentioned the idea of going home.

“She just started in on me about it today. She thinks I should go home for the trial.” At this point, the kids were all running around in the yard playing while Axel was getting passed back and forth between my family members. Now was there time to soak up snuggles before everyone else rolled into town and staked their claim as biological family members and godmother.

“You should,” Dad interjected. “Your victim impact statement will be incredibly important when it comes to sentencing. The prosecution has a solid case against him. It’s unlikely he’ll get off and if you were to come give a statement it’s possible he’d be behind bars for life and you’d never have to be worried about him again. I know it will be hard, but we will be there to get you through it.”

“All of us will,” Jeremy added as he reached for my hand.

“I don’t know. It might take a long time. I’ve given my condo to Jane because she’s going whether Robert is or not.”

“You can stay at home with us. I told you that.” Mandi had told me that. Repeatedly.

“You could stay with me too. Ava and I have space for the three of you.” I smiled at Jeremy as I caught over his shoulder the smiles spread across my stepmom and sister’s faces. Here was this guy willing to be there for me through something horrible and emotional and even let me stay at his house.

“Won’t you be coming back here when Ava is with Sonni?” I asked. We’d talked about it and the first part of the summer that she was with her Mom he wanted to stay but then he was going to come back here.

“Not if you’re there.” He looked at me like I was an idiot for asking that. “Plus didn’t you say that Stevie was going to be in town for part of summer? You’d get to see her without having her with you 24/7. You’d have my house, your Dad’s, Frankie’s to go to so that you can decompress.” Dad started to laugh.

“Are you sure you haven’t met Stevie?”

“I’ve heard a lot about her,” Jeremy answered.

“Our house is not safe,” Ryan said. “She showed up on a kayak at 5:00 in the morning on a Saturday the last time she was home. She let herself in and started cooking breakfast for everyone. You’d need to stay farther. Preferably somewhere with a gate and a security system.” Frankie hit Ryan. We both made jokes about Mom being a little overbearing at times, everyone did. But she was our Mom and we loved her even though she was a bit weird.

“I have a gate, a pool, a recording studio that could use your help.” Jeremy was trying really hard. This was going to earn him a lot of points with Frankie.

“And my cats?” I asked.

“Bring them home,” Mandi said. “They travel surprisingly well.”

“I could watch them.” Everyone turned to look at Tony. “What?”

“If I go home, you’re coming with me. Savannah could stay for school if she needed to.”

“My classes are all online this summer. I could go for a few weeks in LA this summer.”

“You can have your pick of the apartments.” Mandi put her arm around Savannah hugging her close. “They are both empty right now. You could choose one and if Tony didn’t want to stay in the main house he could take whatever you didn’t pick.”

“Seriously? I mean I could stay with my Mom or even my Dad.”

“Of course you can if you want to but you are also welcome to stay with us,” Dad added. “The kids are fairly used to having you around every day. I think Ellery might miss you.”

“You have a point. I do love the studio apartment.”

“We will figure it all out IF I decide that I’m coming home for part of the summer. I mean I need to start getting crap together around here. I need to find somewhere for Ellery to take dance.”

“I’ve got that covered,” Jeremy answered.

“I should find something for Axel to do so that he starts to socialize with other kids.”

“That won’t be difficult to find,” Savannah chimed in.

“Maybe I just like living in the middle of the woods.”

“You also really like living on the beach.” I looked at my Dad. “And I really like you living at home. You don’t have to stay. I get why the kids are in school here. I get the benefits of being here. Hell part of me has considered buying a place near you because the tax break would be fantastic.” Everyone laughed. “But it’s going to be another hard summer and this Dad might want his little girl around.”

“UGH. I’ll think about it. Now all of you let’s change the subject.”

“So what is the plan for tomorrow?” Jeremy asked.

“My family lands in Reno around noon,” Savannah answered. “I offered to go pick them up but Mom is of course controlling and feels she needs to have a car so they are renting a car to drive here.”

“Guests are scheduled to arrive at 5:00,” Frankie added. “We will have hors d’oeuvres and cocktails until 6:30 when everyone will sit down for dinner.”

“Are we cooking all day?” There he was with a 'we.' He was willing to jump in and help when needed.

“No,” I answered. “Frankie and I worked with a caterer to have tomorrow and Saturday handled. A tent company gets here tomorrow to set up a space for tables and we will start decorating probably around 11. We have rented a bunch of stuff that gets delivered tomorrow morning, bright and early. What time will you need to go get Ava?”

“Handoff is scheduled for 10:00.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” I asked.

“No, you don’t need to be a participant in that. It will hopefully be fast but that’s unlikely. Divorce, don’t ever do it.”

“Amen to that,” my Dad added. “The second marriage is definitely the right one.”

“He told us the night we got engaged to act like our marriage was a second marriage. Be blunt about what we want to do, what we are willing to do and where we will make compromises. I thought it was weird that my future father-in-law was basically telling me not to do everything his daughter wanted but he was also my mentor and boss so I listened.”

“You do so much in a first marriage to try and make the other person happy that sometimes isn’t what you want to do. Case in point, Stevie didn’t want kids. I am lucky that she isn’t angry with me and blames me for ruining her life. She had never been interested but I was, she compromised for me, thankfully because I love my girls and so does she. But if she had her life to do over…” Dad stopped not wanting to make Frankie or me uncomfortable.

“She wouldn’t marry you,” I said bluntly. “She wouldn’t have had us. She tells me all the time that she wishes she’d stuck to her guns because she feels like she failed us as a mother but that she doesn’t regret having us because you are the best Dad she’s ever met.” I looked at Jeremy. “He gave me the don’t compromise talk the first boyfriend I had in college. He gave it to me again when I was with Dickhead.”

“Wait!” my brother and sister both shouted.

“You told us we couldn’t call him Dickhead,” Frankie argued.

“And there you go calling him Dickhead,” Tony added for emphasis.

“I realized today that while I will always love Patrick for what he was in my life he was also a Dickhead for what he wasn’t and it has nothing to do with that little boy in your arm, T. It was more that he struggled to embrace me and what I needed.”

“What made you come to this realization?” Frankie looked stunned and I was certain she’d barely been able to form that sentence.

“Jeremy.”

“How so?” Mandi was now curious too.

“I told her that once you guys are out of town either I can take all of the kids to my house for a day and watch them or we can bribe Tony and Savannah to watch all three of them so that I can take care of her. A weekend filled with people and socializing and the memories that she’s being forced to relive are going to put her in a place where she needs to recharge her batteries. I want to let her do that.” My whole family seemed shocked. They all knew that if I’d ‘peopled too much’ that I had to become a hermit to feel okay.

“In the end, I was checking into a hotel for a few days after super busy periods of time because it annoyed the crap out of Patrick that he lived with someone who would shush him for whispering because she couldn’t deal with it.”

“You are a good man, Jeremy.” My Dad nodded his approval. This was exactly how I wanted tonight to end. I wanted my family to know the kind, caring, and funny man I’d come to enjoy having as part of my life. Especially considering the rest of the weekend would be filled with people he didn’t know and perhaps judgment towards both of us. Two single parents, one who barely has her feet wet in the role, trying to start a relationship with each other was questionable. Shouldn’t we both be focused on our kids instead of each other?

“I’m okay watching all three kids. Especially if Tony is willing to help,” Savannah said. “You take care of Charlie, she’s gonna need it after a weekend with my Mom.” Everyone laughed an uncomfortable laugh. “Oh come on. I’m her daughter I’m well aware of how she behaves. This entire evening was a very detailed plan in Chucky’s head about how to get all of you on Team Jeremy so that when my mother shows up tomorrow and starts dropping her judgments like nuclear weapons that they survive it. She doesn’t even really know Jeremy exists, showing up to him feeling comfortable enough in this house that he knows where everything from the coffee mugs to the children’s ibuprofen is located is going to throw her for a loop. I also am well aware of her absolutely ridiculous behavior towards people in the entertainment industry. I am the daughter of the actor and screenwriter that is the reason she hates every actor and screenwriter, remember?”

“It’s gonna be okay. I can charm anyone.” Savannah laughed, loudly.

“My Mom is going to be the exception to your rule. She does not charm easily. It took her at least six months to accept Michael and he was a producer and studio exec. He had a steady income and made really good money. She always silently judge Sam and Charlie for being musicians instead of finding reasonable, responsible jobs. Why do you all think I’m pursuing early childhood education in school instead of going into the fashion program? I know my mother. When she flies out Sunday morning I’m going to need someone else to be the responsible driver to get home from our pool day because I can guarantee that I’m going to need a drink.”

“You aren’t old enough to drink,” I said in my best Alex impression. Savannah flipped me off.

“You let me drink here and have never cared. You know that I have a fake ID and drink when I go out with friends. I am unbelievably responsible. I have a 5-star rating on Uber and Lyft. My Mom likes to wear blinders when it comes to what I do and that’s okay. I just have always felt lucky that the De Luca family refused to wear the blinders and let me be me.”

“I picked her up from the first party she got drunk at,” Tony said. “She puked in my car.”

“I am lucky you still talked to me after that.”

“Like I was gonna yell at a cute girl for puking in my car. Also, you weren’t the first one to do it either.” I caught Savannah blush at Tony calling her cute so I quickly raised my hand.

“That would be me. Poor kid had JUST gotten his brand new car after turning 16. I had a pretty pricey detailing bill to pay the next morning.” Everyone laughed at my admission and attempt to cover for Savannah.

“You guys have been my family with me through the best and the worst of it all. When she got married and tried to cut my Dad out my life it was Vince that told her she not only couldn’t do that but that she shouldn’t do that. Max would be a wonderful stepfather but it was important that my Dad and I remained connected. Every moment a girl would normally go to her Mom for I was going to one of you three women. My Mom was usually busy with work or raising the boys. When I had no idea what to buy my first boyfriend for his birthday it was Ryan that took me shopping. It was also Ryan that yelled at that boyfriend when he broke my heart. I didn’t just come here because I wanted a change or out of my Mom’s house. I came here to be with you Charlie because you are my family. You’ve never treated me as anything else. You passed up on dates to watch me when I was a kid. You took care of me when I was sick. You would bring me to work with you when I needed someone to watch me. You were the first person to take me out of the country on vacation. You and Sam were like big sisters and bonus moms all rolled into one. I am here because of the babies. They are important to me too. They are my family and being here with you through this has not only been an honor but a privilege.” At this point, I had tears streaming down my face. I stood up from where I was sitting and walked to the end of the table where Savannah was sitting next to my brother. She stood up and hugged me.

“Savannah Joy, I love you. You will always have a place in my home, my heart and most importantly my family. No matter what.”

“I love you too, Charlie. Thank you. While the last year has been the hardest it’s also been amazing. I feel lucky that I’m the one that has gotten to watch you fall so beautifully into the role of mother.”

“Okay, now I’m crying.” Mandi stood up to come hug the two of us.

“Same,” Frankie added. Eventually, it was the four of us standing and hugging each other.

“This happens a lot doesn’t it?” Jeremy asked making all of us start to laugh through our tears.

“Constantly,” Dad answered. “Because all of the girls lived with us in college, Savannah grew up in my house. She was like an extra kid. She wasn’t a good sleeper when she was a baby and because the girls were in school and as I’m sure you can tell, Alex lacks patience, Savannah was like the fourth kid for us.”

“I did the late nights with her while the girls were in school because I wasn’t working full-time and my studio was at home.” Mandi had done just about everything. She’d modeled. She’d danced. She’d been a legal secretary. Hell, she was a Lakers cheerleader when she met my Dad. She was also a brilliant interior designer and had done that part-time after Tony was born until a few years ago. I was fairly certain she was trying to write a memoir or a novel but didn’t really want any of us to actually know about it, only that she wanted to write it. “Some of my fondest memories were when she was little. She and Tony were far enough apart in age that it wasn’t like having two babies but I could take them on walks together, go to the park together. At first, I thought they’d grow up like siblings but then once we weren’t all under the same roof I noticed they’d become friends and would hang out on occasion despite their age difference. Until you guys moved here I was fairly certain someday I’d get to watch them get married.” My brother started to choke on the beer in his mouth at that.

“Mom, you can stop talking any time now.” Everyone at the table laughed at how uncomfortable my brother appeared. I started to take dishes into the house so we could get away from the table. Savannah immediately jumped in to help me while Mandi took Axel upstairs to get him put in some pajamas. Jeremy and Tony headed down to the fire pit to get a fire started for all of us to sit around. Frankie dug around in my pantry for necessary items required to make smores. Once Mandi was downstairs with a very comfy, footie pajama covered Axel we went down to meet everyone else. Tony had gone inside and turned music on and opened the doors so it could flow outside. Jeremy had grabbed a seat on one of the loveseats that surrounded the fire. I sat down next to him and pulled my legs up while covering up with a blanket. He put his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” he whispered.

“Okay. Anxious but okay. Thank you for being here.” I felt his lips press against the top of my head.

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

“Admittedly I’m surprised Tony turned music on.” I spoke loud enough my whole family could hear it. “I figured we’d have our very own De Luca family concert tonight.”

“I got it out of my system earlier today. Plus I have to save my performance skills for Saturday.” Tony had offered to play guitar throughout part of the Celebration of Life. He and I had planned on doing a couple of songs together that Sam and Michael really loved.

“I feel like I have been hogging Axel all night,” Mandi said.

“You’re fine,” I replied. “Jeremy, Tony, Savannah and I get him every day. I’m just so surprised he’s been so snuggly today. Lately, all he wants to do is run.”

“She’s not kidding,” Jeremy added. “He’s a speed demon.”

“Do you want some snuggle time with your little guy?” My stepmom was concerned that I’d be angry she had him all night.

“Enjoy your time. Tomorrow all of you have to start sharing him. Alex will want time with him and probably dominate his time, she did at his birthday party. But all of Sam’s family will be here so hopefully, they will want to snuggle the little guy too.”

“Are they still not bonding with him?” Frankie asked.

“It’s been a challenge. He was so young. The first time any of Sam’s family met him was at their funeral. They never experienced him as ‘theirs’ they experienced him after everything.” Ellery climbed up into Jeremy’s lap and rested her head on his chest. She and Ava had figured out how to both sit on his lap when they were together, this was the first time Elle hadn’t had to share him. He wrapped the arm that wasn’t around me around her as I moved my blanket to cover her too.

“Are we okay talking about this?” Ryan asked as he gestured at Elle.

“She’s who brought it up to me. She’s a smart kid. She noticed that when she’d stay with her grandparents the first few times that Axel spent most of his time in the swing that I’d bring for him or his pack and play. I think it’s just been hard for everyone in Sam’s family to adjust. He looks exactly like Michael. So it’s not like it is with Elle where they look at her and see her Mom. And they were grieving too much to bond with him when they first met him.”

“I heard Grandpa and Grandma talking so I told Mom about it. They said that Axel was a great kid but he made them sad. I know they miss Mommy and Daddy but Axel is so funny and I just love him so much. I don’t understand how he can make them sad.” I frowned a bit and buried my face into Jeremy’s shoulder hoping I wouldn’t cry.

“When you’re ready to go to bed let me know. We can go whenever you’re ready. I know you probably need some quiet time.” He was still speaking quietly. I nodded to acknowledge that I heard him. I was getting quieter the later it got. It had been a long day and the next two would be longer. If I was smart I’d go put the kids in bed and then go to sleep myself. But here I was just sitting and quietly watching my family. These 11 people had gotten me through the last year of my life and now that there was a 12th maybe my life would settle in place a little more.

“Are you getting tired, Mom?” Ellery asked.

“I am. Your Aunt Frankie kept me up past my bedtime last night. I am very tired.”

“Go to bed, sis,” Tony said. “I know how to get this under control before I go to bed.”

“I would be happy to put Axel to bed for you.” Mandi had always loved bedtime with any baby. I remember it all the way back to when my brother was a newborn.

“I’ll get Ellie put to bed with the girls,” Frankie added. “We need to head that direction soon anyway. We’ve got a big few days ahead of us and the twins get here tomorrow.”

“I’m okay,” I replied as I yawned. “I can stay up for a while longer.”

“Let’s get you in bed,” Jeremy said as he helped Ellie off his lap.

“Will we see you in the morning?” Ryan asked Jeremy as he pulled me up off of the seat we were on.

“Depends on how early you are up.” Jeremy laughed. “I need to go home and pack stuff for Ava and me to be here for the rest of the weekend.”

“I get to have a slumber party with Ava AND my cousins?” Ellie asked excitedly.

“Yeah, your Mom thought you’d like it if all of you could be together. So after I go pick Ava up tomorrow we are going to come back here and be here the next two nights. Would you like that?” Ellery nodded her head excitedly. She’d really missed her best friend the last week. Jeremy had FaceTimed Ava a few times while he’d been at the house so the girls could talk. I loved seeing Ellie develop a friendship like this. She’d had close friends in Los Angeles from her preschool but she hadn’t seen any of them in a year.

“I will see you in the morning, Ellie Belle. I got you your favorite cinnamon roll to have for breakfast tomorrow morning. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom.” I hugged and kissed her before leaving her with my sister. I went to where Mandi had Axel and pulled him into my arms for a minute.

“Sleep well, little man. Mommy loves you.” He placed his hands on my cheeks before our noses touched. I kissed him softly before hanging him back to Mandi. “See everyone in the morning.”

“Goodnight,” came my family’s collective response.

“Get some rest, Charlie,” Dad said. I nodded as Jeremy grabbed my hand and we walked into the house and upstairs.

“Do you need to go get stuff out of your car?” I asked.

“I do. I brought a change of clothes and stuff to shower here in the morning. Though I do need to run home to get stuff for the weekend so I could technically shower at home.”

“You’ve seen my bathroom. It’s bigger than most New York studio apartments. There’s space for you to get ready in there. Go get your stuff and I’ll see you in my bedroom.” He leaned towards me and gave me a quick kiss before heading outside as I sprinted upstairs to my bedroom. I went into the closet and changed into pajamas. I found a clean pair of black shorts and a different t-shirt to wear than I wore last night. Most of the ones I slept in were well worn, some cut up, and all from college. This one was a simple dark heather gray with red letters reading USC. I’d cut it up so it hung off my shoulder and showed a tattoo or two if it hung properly. I went into the bathroom and pulled my hair up to wash my face and do my evening skincare routine. I heard the bedroom door shut a few minutes later and before I knew it Jeremy was standing in the doorway looking at me as I had an oxygen mask on my face. He laughed at the sight the bubbles cover my skin. He’d already changed into a pair of sweatpants and a different t-shirt than he’d had on earlier.

“What are you doing?”

“My normal Thursday night skincare routine. It’s an oxygen mask night. Want to try?” He laughed and nodded. I made him wash his face first and then put the Bliss Triple Oxygen mask on his skin.

“It tingles and smells like an orange dreamsicle.”

“I know, it’s amazing.” I was sitting on the counter by my sink as I waited the five minutes the mask took. “Thank you for everything today.”

“No thanks necessary, it’s what friends do for each other.”

“I have a sneaking suspicion you’re more than my friend.” He smiled a very wicked smile at me.

“I mean it was my intention to be more than just your friend so if it’s moving towards that direction you can consider me very happy.”

“I’m happy too, though I don’t know that it was my intention to have you be more than my friend.”

“Oh, it absolutely was not. When I met you on the last day of school you looked terrified that any parent would even want to talk to you. You were not at all sure how to talk to me and the first full day you seemed surprised that anyone would want to do anything to help you and Ellery. It made you even cuter than you were when you were just the Mom in the parking lot.”

“There’d been so few parents at school that even cared that I existed. To have one care was one thing, to have someone who looked like you care well that about knocked my socks off.”

“You thought I was hot?” He seemed so proud of himself as he raised his eyebrows at me. All I could do was laugh as the bubbles on his face were slowly starting to deflate.

“Am I human?” I giggled a little bit as he leaned in to kiss me, the bubbles on our faces smooshing together. “We need to take this off.” I bent down to wash my face off as he went to the other side of the bathroom and used the other sink. The sink that had sat empty for 10 months. I’d refused to move any of Sam and Michael’s things out of here, Frankie did that for me when she decided we needed to redo the bedroom so it felt like mine and not theirs. Jeremy was the first person to use that side of the bathroom since I moved in here. Even when Frankie slept in my room we both used my side. He grabbed his toiletries and brushed his teeth and did whatever his normal nightly routine was on that side. When he reappeared on my side of the bathroom he had glasses on. “I didn’t realize you wore glasses.”

“Yup, I normally wear contacts, especially when I’ve got sunglasses on and off.”

“You look cute in glasses.”

“It’s good that you think so because I can’t see without them.” He followed me into my bedroom and I started to turn all the lights off as he laid down on my bed. “So TV, movie, music, talk?”

“Put some music on and we can talk. Someone said he thought he needed to see my tattoos. The TV might distract that.”

“You barely have shorts on and your t-shirt is cut up and tied so it’s basically a crop top. I can see most of them.” After I had all of the lights off except the ones on the nightstand I climbed over Jeremy and into bed. “Now let me have a closer look,” he said as he straddled me in bed making me laugh so hard. He pulled the neck of my shirt to see the tattoo on my left collar bone. “These are cute stars.”

“It’s a combo of two sets of stars that mean the most to me. The stars from Peter Pan and the stars in the corner of every page of Harry Potter.”

“Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning.”

“Yes, that,” I answered.

“And this over here,” he said as he pulled the collar to the other side revealing that on the front of my shoulder was a small outline of a butterfly.

“It’s the cover to Coldplay’s live album ‘Left Right Left Right Left’ and Sam had a matching tattoo on her left shoulder so if we stood next to each other the butterflies would fly together.”

“That’s awesome. That was the Coldplay tattoo?” I nodded. “I expected something more.” I rolled underneath his legs on to my right side so he could see the tattoo on my left ribcage. The top was a sun drawn like a stick figured and beneath it the lyrics ‘the sun must set to rise’ going from top to bottom. “Wow, that looks like it was painful.”

“Oh, it was. I do not recommend rib cage tattoos. They are the ones that hurt the worst.”

“Well, it looks really great. What’s the meaning behind that one?”

“It’s Coldplay lyrics, it’s from the song Paradise. To me, it means that to experience and fully enjoy the light moments in life you also have to experience the dark. One’s idea of paradise is often based off of the pain of the hard moments. Sort of like you can’t have a rainbow without storms. For the sun to rise it has to set first. I don’t know, it was just a thing that stuck with me. It’s my newest tattoo. I got it on New Year’s Day, it was six months after everything happened.”

“I like it a lot.”

“So is it just the family crest tattoo for you,” I asked as he climbed off of my waist.

“No, I have one more.” He turned so his back was facing me and pulled down his t-shirt so a tattoo on his back at the bottom of his neck showed. I have no idea how I missed this every time we were in a swimming pool but I did.

“What is that?”

“It’s an Avengers tattoo. The original six got them, well except Ruffalo. Inside the tattoo is the Avenger’s A and a 6 for the original members. Then there’s something representing each of our characters. Iron Man’s Arc Reactor, the star of off Cap’s shield, Thor’s Storm Breaker, the sign for something toxic for Hulk, Widow’s symbol and most importantly…”

“An arrow for Hawkeye.”

“Yes, an arrow for Hawkeye,” he said as he laid down beside me and pulled me into him.

“You weren’t done finding all of mine.”

“I know. I’ve picked up that you are the queen of tiny tattoos. Let’s leave some for a future surprise.” He leaned down to kiss me and pulled me into him. It was by far the longest and steamiest kiss we’d shared so far, mainly because we were laying in bed beside each other and even the minor height difference between us was removed. “Are you feeling a little better?”

“I am. Thank you for realizing I was overstimulated and just needed some quiet time.”

“I’ve started to pick up on the signs. I will watch for them all weekend. Maybe we should make a signal so if you need to have a few minutes of quiet I can interrupt whatever you’re doing with an excuse that ends the conversation you are in.”

“That’s a brilliant fucking idea. Can the sign just be me screaming loudly?”

“No, we need it to be secret. Like a signal or a phrase or something.”

“What if I just text you the screaming emoji? I mean I’m going to want to scream through most of the weekend so it seems appropriate.” He laughed at me again.

“I’ll come up with something and let you know when I decide what it is.” He started to kiss me again, his kisses moving down from my lips and to my neck and shoulders.

“Someone decide I was right last night and that making out would be fun?”

“You were definitely right and I was 100% wrong.” He laid me on my back and slid between my legs so he was looking down at me.

“It’s because I’m always right and making out is super fun.” I leaned up to kiss him and pull him down to me. I hadn’t done anything like this in so long. It had been almost a year since I kissed anyone, over a year since I’d had sex, and way longer since I made out with someone without knowing if the next stage would be sex or if it would just be kisses, super intoxicating kisses. Jeremy put more of his weight on me so less was on his forearms.

“Are you okay with this?” he asked as he broke our kiss, he was slightly breathless. “If you’re not and you want to stop just say the word.”

“I’m okay with this. I don’t know if I’m okay with anything beyond this,” I answered. I wasn’t even completely sure that my answer felt right but it felt as right as I could put words to. Kissing him felt good. It made me feel like I was a human. I could feel my heart race and butterflies in my stomach. It felt exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

“That’s fine. You just let me know when we’ve reached your limit. Okay?” I nodded my reply before he started to kiss me again. We eventually stopped kissing and climbed under the covers. We laid in bed facing each other and talking. When we both finally started to feel tired I glanced at the clock and it was nearing midnight. It had felt like 20 minutes but it had been hours that we’d been talking. It was odd the way time moved. When you were enjoying something and wanted it to last forever it felt like minutes. When you were in the middle of hell minutes felt like days. I knew this weekend would have me feeling off because of the way I always reacted to things like this. The dinner tomorrow night would feel like it was a week-long and Saturday would have me exhausted and ready for bed by noon. But here I was knowing that I needed to go to sleep, feeling tired, but not wanting to end the conversation we were having. “You need to sleep. You’re yawning.”

“I know but this feels nice. I feel like a little kid having a sleepover with my friend and being told by my parents that I need to go to bed when all I want to do is turn the lights off, find some flashlights and hide in a blanket fort talking.

“We are totally making a blanket fort on Monday after your family leaves.”

“Fuck yes!” I giggled as he pulled me close to him and held me. This time, no kissings, no talking, just silence and his arms wrapped around me.

“Are you a snuggler?”

“I’ve been known to be. Why?”

“I wanted to know if you were better at being the little spoon or the big spoon.” I laughed really loudly at that.

“The little spoon.” I rolled over in his arms as he pulled me tight to him. He was warm. The sensation of another person’s body next to mine that wasn’t one of the kids or my sister was one that I clearly missed because I fell asleep easier than I had in a year. I heard an alarm go off at 7:30 and felt the warmth that had surrounded me all night leave. I opened my eyes and rolled over to see Jeremy reaching for his phone to shut off his alarm. “Good morning,” I said.

“That is one awesome morning voice.”

“Shut up.”

“Why do you only have one eye open?”

“I can’t see with them both open. You’re blurry. It’s a weird thing. I have to let them adjust for a while before I can see normally out of them both.” He laughed before standing up and heading into the bathroom. I followed him heading for the sink to brush my teeth as he shut the door to use the toilet. It was rather nice that the bathroom had a separate area for that because it made this morning a whole lot less awkward. I finished brushing my teeth as he was done and we essentially swapped. As soon as I was back in the main area of the bathroom he wrapped his arms around me kissing me.

“Good morning,” he said, his lips still pressed against mine.

“Mmmhmm that’s a very good way to start a morning. You’re a much prettier sight to see first thing in the morning than Frankie.” He laughed as he hugged me to him, the two of us just standing in the middle of the bathroom not moving.

“How are you feeling this morning?”

“Surprisingly good. Last night was the best night of sleep I’ve had in a year.”

“I like knowing that. I was worried that because you were out of practice sharing a bed with someone that you’d sleep like shit.”

“No, surprisingly I slept really well. I felt comfortable and safe. Though calling me out of practice was a little bit of an ego blow this morning.”

“Not meant to be. More that you haven’t been with anyone in a year. I didn’t want it to be awkward or weird for you. I wanted you to feel just like you did. Comfortable and safe.”

“So are you saying you’re not out of practice?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Not a conversation we are having this morning or preferably ever.” He laughed an uncomfortable laugh. “I’m clearly no innocent virgin as I have a child to prove that, but I’m also not sleeping around with every Mom in a fancy-ass SUV in the school parking lot.”

“Just half of them?”

“Charlie…” He gave me a stern look before I laughed.

“I’m giving you so much shit right now. You literally could’ve had sex with someone three days ago and I wouldn’t have cared. Two days ago and I would’ve, I mean unless it had been me.”

“It’s been long enough that I didn’t know you, other than being the cute Mom in the parking lot who picked up my kid’s best friend.”

“Good to know. Let me get you a towel so you can shower. I need to change clothes so I can start to deal with the deliveries that will start arriving soon and the fact that when I go downstairs most of my family will be awake. They are all morning people, it’s annoying.” I dug into the cabinet with the towels and threw one to Jeremy. “You can use anything in the shower that you want.”

“Thanks.” One quick kiss and I left the bathroom. I hadn’t made it far when I heard the shower turn on. Part of me wanted to turn around and see if I could catch a glimpse of anything, the rest of me knew that I absolutely needed to get changed and downstairs. I changed from my shorts to a pair of yoga pants and slipped a bra on under my shirt. When I made it to the main floor I was right. My entire family was up.

“Good morning, sis,” Frankie said. She looked at me in a way that I knew she was trying to read how my night went. Did I have sex? Did I sleep decently? Did I have yet another nightmare?

“Good morning,” I answered. I walked towards the cabinet I kept my giant travel mugs in and started to make myself an iced coffee.

“How’d you sleep?” Savannah asked.

“Really well. I don’t think I’ve woken up feeling that rested in a year.”

“They totally had sex,” Ryan said. I spun around and saw that thankfully my Dad and Mandi were watching cartoons with all of the grandkids and hadn’t heard that.

“I did not. I just slept really well.”

“She didn’t,” Frankie stated definitively. “I can tell and she didn’t.”

“How can you tell?” Tony questioned.

“There’s a look. You have one too. I’m your big sister. It’s my job to know the look. It’s a finely honed skill.”

“She also has a look. It’s the one that’s on her face right now.” I smiled proudly as my sister glared at me.

“I hate you.”

“Actually you love me you just hate that you aren’t the only sibling with the skill.”

“So where is Jeremy? Did he leave already?” Tony asked.

“He’s upstairs showering so he can just pack stuff when he gets home and go get Ava.”

“Pack stuff? So he really is staying here this weekend?” I nodded in response to my brother-in-law’s question. “Brave soul. There will be a lot of people here.”

“I know. He’s trying to come up with a signal that I can give to have him get me out of awkward conversations. He told me it couldn’t be me screaming really loudly though. He wants it to be a phrase or a hand signal or some shit. He’s a total fuckin’ keeper.” My coffee finished and I jumped up onto the counter with it as all of the stools at the island were taken. “Speaking of needing signals and saved, is your Mom’s flight on time, Savy?” Everyone started to laugh, including Savannah.

“It is. She text me that she had all of the stuff ready and they were at the airport. You know how she is. She’s there two and a half hours early just in case the boys cause her problems. That one time they decided to refuse to walk and she missed a flight has left her terrified of not being there extremely early. I’m sure both of my little brothers will be absolute nightmares by the time they get here today.”

“Every single one of the kids will be. The girls were up later than they probably should’ve been last night,” Frankie said.

“Did you all wind down shortly after Jeremy and I went to bed?” Despite them being basically outside my window I hadn’t noticed how late they’d been up. I was too busy enjoying the time with my slumber party buddy.

“Yeah, don’t kill me but it was almost 10 by the time all three of the girls were asleep,” Frankie said.

“Axel was down at his normal time,” Savannah added. “He fell asleep while your Dad was holding him and we got him in bed.”

“Eh, I’m sure we will all have a short fuse the next couple of days. It’s going to feel long and then you all get to go home and enjoy the beach on the 4th of July. I don’t envy the people taking care of your kids for the second half of next week.”

“I don’t either. Do you guys have plans?”

“Probably either watching fireworks somewhere or hanging out at Jeremy’s since he has a pool and I do not. But honestly, I don’t really care. I might still be sleeping. You never know with me.” I started to eat the bagel I’d grabbed before hopping onto the counter. It was nice to have a little bit of time this morning with my siblings, Ryan and Savannah without having to worry about much else.

I felt a little guilty though. I hadn’t put my kids to bed the last two nights and they were snuggled up with my parents watching cartoons while I avoided responsibility for the few remaining moments I had before I had to start working on stuff for tonight’s dinner. I should be over snuggling them or making them breakfast, though I could see that Ellery had already devoured the cinnamon roll I brought home for her. Plus they were with their cousins. Something they didn’t get to do often. But the Mom guilt I had was always the strangest sensation. It was similar to what regular Mom guilt felt like, at least based on the massive amount of Mommy blogs I read the first few months where I could barely sleep. What made it different though was that I didn’t just feel guilt towards the kids for not being a good Mom, I felt guilty that maybe I wasn’t doing it the way Sam would have or that I should be enjoying it even more because I was doing it for me and for Sam. But in reality, there were still mornings when I woke up and wondered what it would feel like to not have kids. After that feeling dissipated I usually felt sick to my stomach with guilt that I’d imagined that they weren’t mine, though normally I imagined that it was because they were still with their Mom and Dad.

“Good morning,” Jeremy said as he walked into the kitchen. His hair was still a little wet and while he’d styled it a little it wasn’t his normal hair. Clearly he knew, like the rest of us, that looking our best this morning wasn’t necessary, he just had to look presentable to pick his daughter up. I handed him his coffee as he came over to where I was sitting.

“Good morning,” everyone in the kitchen replied.

“How much time do you have before you need to leave?” I asked. He’d leaned against the counter in front of me and I rested my chin on the top of his head.

“Not long. I’ve already gotten the threatening text messages about if I’m even a second late picking her up at the airport. It is moments like this that I wish teleportation was a thing and that I could just beam Ava into my house.” I laughed. “Do you need me to get you anything while I’m out running around this morning?”

“I don’t think so. Do you guys need anything?”

“She ran out of tequila and whiskey yesterday,” Tony said.

“I will grab some from my house. Anything else? How does Ava need to be dressed tonight and tomorrow?” I pointed at my sister.

“The girls all have dresses for tomorrow, super-bright colors. Tonight both of mine will have on leggings and cute little tunic tops.”

“Ellery demanded a rainbow tutu dress for tomorrow. She really wanted to dress up as a unicorn but that was so not happening. Tonight she’s wearing black leggings and a white ruffle top.”

“Okay. I am sure I can throw some stuff together for Ava. I might text you pictures and let you ladies decide if she will look appropriate or not.”

“Sounds good to me. Good luck with your ex this morning.” He turned to look at me.

“Thanks. Text me if you need anything and I will let you know when I’m on my way.” He kissed me quickly before saying goodbye to all of my family and walking out to the driveway.

“Is it just me or does Chuckles have the stupidest smile on her face right now?” Ryan asked.

“She does. It’s super stupid and I love it,” my sister exclaimed.

“I hate you all.”

“Except you don’t,” Tony said. “You love us all. And you look ridiculously happy. As the person in this room that has gotten to know him best that shares DNA with you, I am really fucking happy to see you look ridiculously happy. He’s a good guy. He’s a great dad. He cares about not just you but also your kids. And he’s a hell of a lot of fun to be around. You’ve had a history of dating guys who are on your level intellectually but don’t have a lot of interpersonal or social skills."

“And if they aren’t on your level intellectually they are social butterflies, pretty and also pretty stupid,” Ryan added through laughter. “Dickhead was really the only one that could do both and well he was…”

“A Dickhead,” all of us said together.

“Jeremy seems like the real deal,” Frankie said.

“He is,” Tony corrected. “He’s been a huge help in getting me settled. This week Chucky took the girls for a few hours, Savy watched Axel, and he helped me paint the bedroom in the apartment. He’s helped me put furniture together because we know that is one of the few areas of like where Chuck is a total idiot.” I flipped my brother off. “And he takes NO SHIT from her. He also throws it right back. But beyond that, he can sit in the basement with her for hours while they don’t even talk much, they mumble in musician code and play.”

“He’s writing his first album. It’s a huge challenge. While I’ve never quit being a songwriter in favor of a composer, I can’t imagine trying to do what he’s doing.”

“What is he doing?” Frankie asked.

“Writing the music for an animated feature-length film. He’s also the voice of the lead character in it. He wanted to be in a movie that Ava could go see in the theater. It’s not like he’s gonna sit down and watch The Hurt Locker with her or something. They have to fit the movie while also essentially being a traditional pop/rock song. I can do one or the other, I’ve never tried doing both.”

“You could do it if you tried. You can do anything with an instrument and it’s insanely annoying.” Frankie glared at me. She’d tried really hard as a kid, music didn’t come to her naturally or really at all. Tony and I were both naturals and it really just depended on the instrument as to which one of us was better. Frankie had always wished she could be the girl with the lead in the school musical, she was usually just lucky they let her have a role because she was a decent actress, just not a great singer. I’m the one that could’ve arranged the musical but opted to just be the pianist for rehearsals.

“I might be able to but I’m telling you, it’s super challenging. It’s drastically different than what I do for a living. He’s got a songwriting partner in LA, he just needed someone to kick stuff around with so I volunteered. I missed having a songwriting partner.” I smiled at my little brother. A year of working alone, struggling and really not enjoying it and here was my the person who had been my partner-in-crime most of my life arriving to assist just when I needed him most.

“It’s been fun, sis.”

“Okay. While this moment is really touching, there will be deliveries coming any minute,” I said as I jumped down off of the counter. I was right, it wasn’t long before the notifications at the gate started coming. Frankie and I directed things around while Ryan, Tony, and Savannah helped where they could. Once the tent and tables were set up Frankie and I started in on the decor. All of this seemed overboard but I knew that Sam would’ve loved the way we decided to do it. I felt her presence today and saw her in each of the little details. The explosion of color was completely Sam, she had honestly tried to convince Michael that the colors for their wedding should be a rainbow. Thankfully, he won or I’m fairly sure she would’ve dressed me up as a unicorn.

The morning flew by. We’d put on some music to keep us going. I found myself singing along to the playlist Frankie had picked. It had a little bit of everything and I happened to be singing, perhaps a little bit too loudly, to Kacey Musgraves “Butterflies” when I felt Jeremy’s arms snake around my waist. I smiled feeling him hug me. I turned to face him and gave him a soft kiss before swaying and singing to him.

“Kiss full of color makes me wonder where you've always been. I was hiding in doubt till you brought me out of my chrysalis. And I came out new, all because of you. And now you're lifting me up instead of holding me down. Stealing my heart instead of stealing my crown. Untangled all the strings round my wings that were tied. I didn't know him and I didn't know me, cloud nine was always out of reach. Now I remember what it feels like to fly. You give me butterflies, yeah. You give me butterflies.”

He smiled down at me as I just kept singing and I’m sure smiling like an absolute idiot, but honestly it was like the most perfect timing. The lyrics described how the start of this was feeling for me. I’d forgotten what it felt like to fly and here I was looking into the blue eyes of this guy who, despite having only been on one date with him, I knew that the role he was going to play in my life would be lasting. Even if it was just because our kids were friends. I mean, he was willing to deal with all of this crazy shit this weekend and it’s not as if he was even getting sex out of the deal. Patrick would normally groan about something involving my family for this long or something work-related and make thinly demands usually involving sexual favors. Here Jeremy was doing it voluntarily when he didn’t have to, showing up WAY early to help, and he seemed to be enjoying that I looked like a lunatic as I swayed back and forth in his arms.

“Now you're lifting me up instead of holding me down. You’re taking my hand instead of taking my crown. Untangled all the strings round my wings that were tied. I didn't know him and I didn't know me, cloud nine was always out of reach. Now I remember what it feels like to fly. You give me butterflies. You give me butterflies.”

“Oh really? Butterflies huh?” I nodded before he checked to see who was around, finding only Frankie and Ryan who were busy hanging this ridiculous set of rainbow paper lanterns that Sam had used for every birthday and celebration she could. Once he saw we were essentially alone he bent down and kissed me again, this time with the kind of passion and intensity our kisses had last night.

“Butterflies.” He laughed at me before kissing me again.

“Hello! We’ve arrived!” Alex yelled as she walked out onto patio by where we were setting up.

“Fuck,” I said quietly. I untangled myself from Jeremy’s arms and headed over to Alex and Max giving them both a hug. “Did you guys have a good flight?”

“We did.” Alex was obviously over-caffeinated because she didn’t stop to breathe while she was talking. “The boys are definitely going to need a nap, even though they will both claim they don’t.”

"We can get them into their room so they can a nap,” I replied. “I will need to put Axel down soon.” I saw Jeremy appear in my peripheral vision and he grabbed the hand that was behind my back and squeezed it tightly.

“The girls should probably take a nap too so they can last tonight. Ellie was up later than she should’ve been last night and Ava looked tired when I picked her up this morning. You know they are going to fight us on that though,” he said. I laughed.

“Naps? What are naps, Mom? We don’t have to take naps.” I started to giggle. “Where we’re going we don’t need naps.”

“Fact, about both of them. Ava is gonna give me her side-eye. So I might send you in. I don’t think I can handle the look. We also both know they won’t nap.”

“Of course not. They are sharing a room. Who sleeps when there is a slumber party?” I asked.

“Not you. Clearly.” He rolled his eyes at me.

“Who is Ava?” Alex asked. “And also, who are you?”

Well fuck. This was gonna be fun.

*****AUTHOR'S NOTE*****

Thank you so much for your patience with me. I hit a road bump in my "I'm so closed to being done" when my work life got super busy. But that's okay with me. My work life getting busier is a GOOD thing it just meant that my writing had to take a back seat. So thank you for allowing me to do that.

Now on to the chapter...

I wanted to let this chapter feel a little slow. I wanted it to focus on the family. On Jeremy and Charlie building their relationship. I also knew that the sexual tension between the two of them has been is palpable. They are obviously both physically attracted to the other but they also aren't sure they want to immediately jump into full-on PDA around her family and more importantly in front of their kids. Their relationship has to grow very carefully. Their girls love each other and would be devastated if something happened between their parents and they weren't able to spend time together anymore. I also don't want that to stop them from progressing at a pace that feels okay to them. So we will see them continue to get closer and perhaps get to see the way it can get awkward with all of the kids around.

I also felt it was important for the reality of what this whole thing is about to be present. This isn't just a party to have a party. This is a party to celebrate the lives of two incredible people who aren't there anymore. It's heavy, but grief is funny and sometimes it involves laughter. Like laughing when you remember that your friend wanted you to essentially be the maid of honor in her wedding while dressed like a unicorn. I've been going through the weird grief process lately with my grandpa and yesterday (Oct. 31, 2019) marked 9 years since I lost one of my best friends. Grief comes in waves and yesterday I was drowning. Today I'm doing better.

Charlie's family all wanting her to come back to participate in the trial is something that had to be discussed. She's not sure she's emotionally prepared to have to give a victim impact statement even though she knows that it would carry a lot of weight in the trial and any subsequent sentencing. But to see Jeremy want to be there to support her and offer her a place to stay (EEK!) is a big deal. He wants to show, not just Charlie, that he intends on being there to support her, he wants her family to know it too.

So Alex has arrived (well by the end) but prior to that I wanted to show the importance of Savannah to the De Luca family. She wasn't just Charlie's friend's unplanned kid. She was part of their family. She is loved unconditionally by this family and welcomed with open arms at all times. Savannah is a great kid who is growing into a great young adult. She wasn't dealt the easiest hand with her own family dynamic. Having parents who don't get along and feeling like your Mom got married and started a new family can cause problems and I'm sure that has impacted Savannah greatly.

The Butterflies moment. Basically, the song was playing and it felt like it fit the moment and the characters. I really love Kacey Musgraves, her vocal abilities are incredible and she's a great songwriter. I've been listening to her a lot during the writing process.

Okay, I'm going to stop analyzing the crap out of this so I can hit publish. I can't WAIT to hear from you. What was your favorite part? Do you think Jeremy and Charlie are moving too fast or not fast enough? What do you think the outcome will be from Alex arriving at the end? I'd love to hear your feedback (positive and constructive) on this chapter. I've got the Hamilton soundtrack going and I'm going to start working on 12 right now.

xx. Annie

[carolap53]

Karen Ehman November 26, 2021

When You Just Aren’t Feeling That Holiday Cheer KAREN EHMAN

Lee en español “When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.” Psalm 94:19 (ESV)

When I was a child, I could always count on three things being consistent during the holiday season.

The first was my mother’s delicious turkey roasted her signature way — in a brown grocery sack.

The second was my favorite chunky candy bar nestled deep in the toe of my stocking.

And the third was my mom and my aunt crying when all the festivities were over and it was time for everyone to go home. My little mind could never understand why someone would weep at the happiest time of year.

But now, sadly, I can say I get it.

My mom and aunt lost their mother — my Grandma Elsie, whose birthday was on Christmas Eve — when they were barely into their 30s. In the past two years, I have lost my father; my mother; two cousins; an aunt; two uncles; and my stepmom, who’d been part of my life since I was 13.

The cheer and sparkle of the holidays — with the accompanying “it’s the most wonderful time of the year” sentiment — is in such stark contrast to the chimney-sized hole of heaviness in my heart. Knowing that my loved ones are no longer a part of our celebrations drains my holiday joy.

Lost loved ones aren’t the only reason for lamenting. Maybe you have wayward children, poor health or fractured friendships. Maybe this is the first holiday season spent as a family stung by divorce. Or maybe it’s just a deep, dark loneliness. What do we do when we can’t find any holiday cheer?

Thankfully, our key verse shows us the remedy for our aching emotions. Psalm 94:19 declares: “When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.”

In the original Hebrew language, the meaning of the English phrase “cares of my heart” (v. 19) comes from two words: sarappim and qereb. The first word means anxious and disquieting thoughts. The second term refers to that which is deep within your body, predominantly in your heart. So much of our sorrow at the holidays disquiets us. However, it isn’t always visible to others. It can remain hidden below the surface.

The phrase “cheer my soul” (v. 19) is a tethering of the Hebrew words sha’a’ and nephesh. Taken together, these words imply that God delights our dejected emotions by smearing them over. He takes the raw and tender places of our souls and smooths His healing balm over them, allowing us to be cheered again.

I find this happens through gut-wrenchingly honest prayer and a plea for renewed vision. I tell God how very much I will miss the crazy, Christmas Eve, “white elephant” gift exchange with my dad and stepmom, and I ask God to comfort me and give me hope. He prompts me to host such a gathering with foreign exchange students from church who cannot be home for the holidays.

When I can’t bear the thought of our first holiday season without my mom and her game of “how many chocolate snowman candies are in the jar?” I pray to God for comfort and perspective. He nudges me to keep the tradition going with all her grandkids, with the added action of each child telling one happy memory of Grandma before giving their guesses.

I recall how my own mom always made Christmas a reason to make someone else’s life better, often signing up to serve the less fortunate or offer financial assistance to local charitable organizations. I’m sure helping others helped her to deal with her own fresh grief that resurfaced each year.

Second Corinthians 1:3 refers to God as “the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort” (NIV). He comforts us so that we, in turn, can cheer and comfort others. When our hearts feel heavy at the holidays, God stands ready not only to soothe our sorrows but also to help us seek out the discouraged and do something to show them that we care — and He cares.

Maybe, then, the holidays really can be the most wonderful time of the year: a time for cheering others with the love of God, even despite our hurting hearts.

Father, You alone are the source of true cheer and the only giver of real hope. Even in my sorrow, may I seek to impart encouragement to others, pointing them to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

[thought--bubble-blog]

Losing You (Short Story)

“You need to clean up your room.”

“Why? You don’t even go in there.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Makes sense to me.”

“Would you stop being a smart-alec?”

“Says you- King of the Smart-Alecs.”

“That’s Mr. Smart Alec to you.”

“Whatever.”

“Yes Sir.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“...Girl you ain’t right.”

“Well I haven’t left yet.”

“Always a smart-alec, ha.”

______________________________________________________________________

My grandfather and I had always had an extremely close relationship. Half my life had been spent living with him and my grandmother after my parents divorced. I was in first grade when I first moved in with them, so for the majority of my life, he was like a second father to me. He was someone I could always count on to be there for me. Whether it was petty complaining or panicking over a real life crisis, he was always there to listen. The majority of the time he never fully understood what exactly I was upset about or the extent of the problem, but he got riled up with me and was always on my side, and when you’re angry and no one else seems to listen to you, that support is better than any advice in the world. He supported me in almost all aspects of my life: school, parents, friends, self image, art, music. He was always there rooting for me, and a lot of times he felt like the only one.

Days spent with my grandfather were always full of laughter. I was his favorite grandchild from the day I was born. Being the only girl he had ever helped raise and being the youngest set apart our relationship from his “grand-boys.” Originally, he had been a truck driver, but even being on the road all the time never stopped him from being an amazing grandfather. He’d take me for rides, let me pull the cord that blew the horn, and even brought his truck to my pre-school for show-and-tell. Not many grandparents are capable of pulling that off, but he found a way.

Eventually, his body couldn’t handle the stress of driving a truck anymore, and he retired, meaning he and my grandma were present for more of my life. We spent my days there telling jokes, going back and forth, arguing over what to watch on TV, talking about our problems, and debating over what to have for dinner (or “supper” as he insisted on calling it no matter what) that night. Repeating the same antics over and over may seem tedious to some, but seeing that old man’s smile was enough to brighten anyone’s day, especially mine. He had been an especially bright part of my childhood, until his health deteriorated.

______________________________________________________________________

I was too young to remember exactly when his health problems started. The first event I remember specifically was when I was around twelve. I had been spending the day with my dad, and we had just sat down at a local restaurant/bar where my stepmom worked. We had barely started eating “supper” when my dad got a call: my grandmother, in a panic. Something was wrong with my grandfather. I remember the two of us dashing out of the restaurant and to the car, my father driving much faster than the speed limit allowed. It normally took us about twenty minutes to get home. We made it in about ten. My dad and I ran inside and into the living room. My grandma was hunched over my grandpa, trying desperately to calm him down. He was sitting in his chair, clutching his chest and breathing heavily, his face contorted in one hundred different levels of pain. Tortured groans and cries escaped him. I watched behind my dad wide eyed, unable to move. My grandma, informed us she had called 911 right before she called us.

I looked outside and noticed it was getting dark. I started thinking to myself, nobody ever got our address right on the first try. A lot of the times pizza delivery guys would miss our driveway in broad daylight, so how was an ambulance speeding down the road supposed to see it in time? Without giving it a second thought I sprinted out the front door, tearing across our yard with my hands waving above my head, screaming “Over here! Right here!” My dad was only a few seconds behind me. Right as I reached the edge of our front yard the ambulance lights came into sight through the trees. I kept screaming and jumping up and down, desperately trying to get their attention. Apparently what I’d done was enough, and the ambulance pulled right into our driveway. The paramedics ran inside with a gurney, and began asking him questions. Do you know your name? What day is it? Where are you experiencing pain? He was in too much pain to say “ow” let alone answer a bunch of stupid questions.

By the time they had loaded him in the back of the ambulance, with my grandma right beside him, my stepmom had made it home from work. All three of us piled in the car, riding behind the ambulance all the way down to the hospital in Columbia. I sat in the back, humming the tune to Basket Case by Green Day in a desperate attempt to calm down and block out the sounds of cars and the sirens of the ambulance. Funny. Singing a song about going crazy to stop yourself from going crazy. Classic comedy. Horrible timing.

We could see him lying in the back of the ambulance through the windows. Around the time we made it to downtown, we could see him sitting up, laughing, joking with the paramedics. A sense of relief flooded over all three of us, but I was still shaking slightly. He looked okay, but was he really okay? Was he gonna come home? My dad and stepmom told me he was doing better. I’m not sure if they were trying to convince me or themselves. Either way, nobody felt okay.

Seeing the man I had always seen as such a strong individual in my life, weak and in an indescribable amount of pain, terrified me. My dad was sure it was a heart attack. We were all convinced. The doctors said he was close to one. Close to a heart attack? The man was in a horrible amount of pain. If that was what “close to a heart attack” was, I never wanted to see the real thing.

Apparently he had stents put in years back for clogged arteries from smoking, but they were still backing up with plaque. I was then fully aware my grandpa had heart problems, but I didn’t quite understand how or why all this was happening now. He’d always been strong, resilient even, and now this? All I cared about was him getting better.

______________________________________________________________________

A few weeks later he went in for heart surgery. Something about bypassing his arteries. I didn’t understand much at the time, just that people we didn’t know were going to cut into my grandfather’s chest. I was scared, but he was more scared than anyone. He wouldn’t show it around the doctors and nurses. He would always joke with them about it and anyone else who would ask about it. But when we at were home, things changed. He wasn’t his normal joking-self. He kept a worried and tired expression on his face, and when I finally asked him if he was okay, he told me straight up. He was scared of getting the surgery. Even though I was young, he never lied to me, never tried to shield me from anything. He was blunt and honest, especially about this. But he stayed strong, and got the operation.

The months after his open heart surgery were labored. I got to know the hospital he stayed at pretty well after spending hours there with him. When he finally got home, he had to stay on oxygen tanks at first, and breathe into a tube where a ball would shoot up, to strengthen up his lungs. He had an extra one, so we would blow into them at the same time and see who could get the ball higher up into the tube. I always won. It was the first time I remember winning anything against him.

It was a difficult recovery for him, physically and mentally. Physically, his chest bones cracked from where they had been broken during the surgery, he had constant pain and a few broken ribs, his breathing was weak and he couldn’t do any major activity. He was always tired, not finding the motivation to get outside and go on walks like he was supposed to. He quit smoking cold turkey, so along with the repercussions of open heart surgery, he dealt with withdrawal symptoms. Mentally, he was stressed in the most intense form of the word. He was constantly tired and slightly groggy, my grandmother, who had been going downhill with dementia, constantly pestered him, asking him random, tedious questions that only frustrated him and made his blood pressure spike. She wasn’t able to help him the way he needed her to, and he could barely help her. He was miserable, so his care fell on the rest of us.

We would have talks about how he was doing or feeling. Most of the time the answer was “not worth a doodle”, my grandpa’s way of saying “absolutely terrible.” I was around thirteen when he told me he was in so much pain, he was ready to kill himself. Sometimes I wished he wasn’t so blunt and honest with me.

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He eventually got better. He was more active, and was, to some extent, back to his old self. But that didn’t last long. His thoughts started getting cloudy, and he would just get dizzy, lose his balance, and fall over. A lot of times, in the middle of the night, I would hear a big thud and come out of my room to find him lying on the floor somewhere with my grandma trying her best to help him up. She couldn't, so it would be my job to call my dad and let him know when anything happened. I never asked my grandfather if he wanted me to call him. He would say no to going to the hospital and no to calling for help. He was trying so hard to stay strong, but his body couldn't keep up.

After some hospital stays we finally figured out what was wrong. He had non-alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver. Simply put, he had scar tissue on his liver that stopped his liver from filtering out toxins in his body. The build up of these toxins, would cause him to feel weak and confused, and would make him lose his balance. What we didn’t understand was how the scarring occurred in the first place. We found out later his heart medication caused it. His previous doctor he saw during his surgery, kept him on the medicine far too long. What he took to fix one organ ended up ruining another.

He immediately stopped taking his heart medication and his new doctor started him on medication to flush out the toxins. She also told him to stop eating sodium, eat only a small amount of meat each day, and to exercise. He did none of these things. My grandfather was stubborn, and continued eating whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He never went out for walks to build up his strength. He did everything the same, including pushing himself too hard by working in the garden in the midday heat instead of taking it slow. We tried to tell him he needed to follow his doctor’s advice, but he never listened.

We ended up going back to the hospital every few months, which turned to every month, then to every few weeks and then once a week.The hospital became almost like a second home. We knew the nurses and the rooms and the halls. We knew that the gift shop was the only place to get non-diet soda and which vending machines had the best snacks. We knew more about the hospital than anyone should .

Because of his liver problems, he developed other health issues, on top of his previously existing medical conditions. The chance of him getting better seemed bleaker and bleaker by the day. The doctors said the only way for him to get better was through a liver transplant, but even the chances of that were slim because of his other medical conditions. Hope was more and more difficult to cling to. My grandma, due to her increasingly severe dementia, was barely aware of what was happening. My stepmother chose to pray for him. I was more of a realist. I knew that no amount of praying was going to heal my grandfather’s issues. His liver wasn’t going to magically become un-scarred. His heart wasn’t going to somehow become healthy. The damage was done, and we all knew that somewhere throughout our hopes and prayers.

______________________________________________________________________

Kidneys. They were our main concern now. My grandpa’s failing liver put pressure on his kidneys. His doctor told us to watch out for them. If his kidneys failed, it was over. Nobody seemed that surprised. It was just another development in his declining health, joining all the others in their deadly army set on taking over and destroying every cell of his existence. And nothing seemed to be able to stop them.

It was towards the end of January, 2017 when my dad told me, “He probably won’t make it to the end of this year.”  

“I know,” I said, the word ‘year’ sticking out in my mind more than anything.

One more year.

He died a few weeks later.

[kane-and-griffin]

OMG I am so excited Kabby is baaack! Loved the bandage check moment in the premiere! Wondering if you think they'll address Abby's wedding ring on her finger/neck. You think they'd ever have her remove either at some point? If so, when do you see that happening , like at what point and context?

I’m pretty sure Paige just confirmed on Twitter that we’re gonna see it NEXT WEEK and I’m super hyped about it because my hope is that it means we get a real conversation or moment that’s about Jake.  I have a lot of thoughts or headcanons about what I might want to have happen with the rings (my fave would be either for her and Clarke and Kane to have a little ceremony and bury them at the Eden Tree so Jake and Vera are together and that’s their place they go to remember them, or that fic I love but forget the name/author of SOMEONE HELP ME OUT HERE where Raven welds them into an infinity symbol necklace for Clarke to wear).  @brittanias is voting for Abby giving the rings to Kane for safekeeping before she leaves for whatever her mysterious mission is on that boat in 404, and I also know there’s a strong contingent rooting for her putting her ring on the chain with Jake’s ring and keeping them both around her neck, which I would also love. I think it’s likely that they will come off at some point in advance of the scene where they’re in bed together, because I feel like that emotional throughline makes a lot of sense; like if we see her making the decision to go to Kane’s room, like she’s consciously making the choice to take that next step, and removing the rings is part of that process of moving on.

My mother died nine years ago, and my father remarried about a year and a half after that.  I have my parents’ wedding rings.  They live in a little tray on the top of my dresser with my jewelry, where I can look at them every day.  My mother had ALS, which causes your muscles to begin to atrophy, and after awhile her rings were too big to stay on her hand.  They got them resized, slicing a little piece out of the back of both her engagement and wedding rings so you can like bend and stretch them to fit, like you do with cheap plastic jewelry from the dollar store.  That worked for awhile, but eventually she just took them both off and put them on her dresser, where she could see them every day.  It didn’t make her and my father any less married.  They were together for thirty years.  In the last years of her life he had to bathe her and dress her and take her to the bathroom and feed her through a feeding tube.  The rings weren’t the factor that determined how married they were.  They were a symbol, but they weren’t the whole.

My dad took his wedding ring off after my mom died.  I don’t know when.  We didn’t have a conversation about it.  But at some point when his relationship with my stepmom was becoming serious, his wedding ring appeared in the little tray next to my mom’s on the little dresser where we still kept her jewelry because nobody was ready to get rid of her things yet - except for my brother, who was still living in the family house and moved into my parents’ bedroom when my dad moved in with my stepmother.  He had to share a closet with his dead mother’s clothes every morning and it was starting to make him crazy.  We had an estate sale a year or so after she died, and cleared out the dressers and the closets.  I took the jewelry back to my house, my parents’ rings with it.  I told my brother if he wants the rings someday, if he ever asks the feminist archaeology major from New Mexico to marry him, he should take Mom’s if he wants it.  And if not him, they can go to someone else, or they can stay in their little dish on my dresser.  Either way, our mom is still our mom.

We were in family therapy for a little while after my mom died.  The four of us siblings felt like my dad had started dating again too quickly, and my stepmom was someone we had known before, whose kids had grown up with my youngest brother.  We knew her from soccer and basketball games, and sometimes she and my mom and my sister and I would go out to this little wine bar near our house together and talk about politics or books or her divorce.  We liked her as a human being, but not as our dad’s girlfriend, because our dad wasn’t supposed to HAVE a girlfriend, and our mother had only been dead for six months and she had been the center of our lives, and we had gone collectively a little insane from mother grief, so all we did was cope badly (drinking for my sister, food for me, putting headphones on and shutting the world out playing video games for one brother, hostility for the other one).  My sister and I both got therapists, but none of the boys would.  We finally talked them into group family therapy, which was such a disaster that we quit after four sessions.  I blocked out a lot of that time, because it was so traumatic to go from being a family who had always been this unbreakably strong unit to being these people who got angry and said unforgivable things to each other.  So I only have one really clear, vivid memory from those therapy sessions.  I remember sitting on this couch next to my youngest brother, my other two siblings across from me and my dad in a chair next to the therapist.  I was crying so hard I couldn’t see anything clearly.  The therapist asked me point-blank if my father being in a relationship made me feel like he had forgotten my mother or didn’t love her anymore.  I wanted to lie, but I told the truth.  I said yes.  It did.  That was how it felt.  The therapist asked my father, “How does that make you feel?” And I was grateful, then, that I was crying too hard to see anything, because his voice was one of the most terrible things I have ever experienced.  So quiet and so broken and so sad.  “It makes me feel awful,” he said.  “We were married for thirty years.  She was the love of my life.”

I know this isn’t an answer to the question that you actually asked me, Anon, but it’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately because when the fandom talks about Abby and Jake and their wedding rings and what they mean, on some level it always feels personal to me.  When someone says that it would mean Abby was forgetting Jake if she ever took the ring off her hand, I think about sitting in the living room with my siblings and my stepmom and my stepbrothers while my dad told us college stories about my mom, and how my stepmother enjoys them just as much as we do, because she knew my mom and what she meant to all of us, and how the fact that my dad wears a different ring now doesn’t mean my mom isn’t with us every day.  When I hear people say that the headcanons about Abby passing both rings onto Clarke as a memento are a betrayal of Jake’s memory and it’s wrong for Clarke to have them, I think about my parents’ rings sitting on my dresser. 

This has gone quite a bit sideways from your original question, which is something that I tend to do from time to time, but this is a question that has popped up in the fandom before and stirred up a lot of emotions, and erupted over the past few days since we got those promo photos where Abby isn’t wearing the ring anymore, and I’ve been thinking a lot of thoughts about it that I’ve been trying to articulate.  

I think everyone has the right to their own opinions, their own headcanons, their own feelings about what they’d LIKE to see happen with the rings, but the fact of the matter is that both options - Abby continues to wear the rings forever, maybe adding a second one on her hand next to the first; or, alternately, Abby removes the rings when she is ready to move on - are deeply personal things that real people do, which are intimately connected with the specifics of that individual person’s grieving.  There isn’t a right or a wrong.  There isn’t a “you’re disrespecting the person you lost by grieving them incorrectly.”  The only right thing is whatever Abby decides.

[kartiavelino]

How Tiffany Trump’s World Diverged From Her Famous Family

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images Asked in October 2016 if she was interested in joining the family business one day, Tiffany Trump replied, “Of course I’m interested…but I’m applying to law school, though, so I like to bring a different kind of skill set to the company.” At this point, it certainly can’t hurt to have a lawyer in the family. If Tiffany is still interested in the family business at all. Raised by a single mom in California and then all of a sudden thrust into the he-has-five-kids spotlight when her father ran for president of the United States, Tiffany ended up the unwitting poster girl for privileged paternal neglect, the forgotten daughter next to favored princess Ivanka Trump. Two and a half years in, she remains a go-to punchline—not because of anything she has done, but mainly when comedians want to reiterate just how little they think of Donald Trump‘s family values. But Tiffany isn’t asking for anyone’s pity. The 25-year-old Georgetown Law student and businessman boyfriend Michael Boulos were in the south of France where the 72nd Cannes Film Festival is taking place this week, photographed at the 5-star Hôtel Barrière Le Majestic, one of the spots frequented by celebs during the reliably decadent affair. Pierre Suu/GC Images While Ivanka can now only dream of the widely admired, relatively uncontroversial life she led before the 2016 election, Tiffany has managed to avoid that level of scrutiny precisely because, famous last name aside, she didn’t grow up with her half-siblings in a gilded penthouse in Trump Tower. (For the brief period she did live there, the other kids were elsewhere with their mom.) “Since I have grown up on the West Coast, I’m definitely different from all of them growing up on the East Coast,” Tiffany told Oprah Winfrey in 2013. “It was great for me getting to grow up as a normal kid just out of the spotlight, versus all of them growing up in New York. They always had that intense media and spotlight on them.” Trump “would say that it’s really a miracle that [Tiffany] is as well-adjusted as she is, and that she’s accomplished anything,” a Trump friend told Vanity Fair‘s Emily Jane Fox, author of the 2017 book Born Trump. “He gets that he screwed it up when it came to Tiffany, and this is a man who doesn’t admit that he got it wrong on anything.” Trump himself has acknowledged that he was always working throughout his kids’ childhoods, and wasn’t a particularly hands-on dad—for the older Trump kids or for now 13-year-old Barron Trump, his son with first lady Melania Trump. But true to form, Ivanka even quibbled with his modest estimation, telling ABC News’ Barbara Walters in November 2015, “He was very available to us.” “Our times together,” added Tiffany, by then posing as a full-time member of the fold, “we’re learning, you know, playing in his office. He would always sneak me down to get a candy bar in the lobby.” (Her mother’s a health nut, so that would have been a very real treat.) John Barrett/Photolink/Mediapunch/Shutterstock Her mom, Marla Maples, married Trump in December 1993, when Tiffany was 2 months old. Howard Stern, O.J. Simpson and Rosie O’Donnell were among the 1,100 people who attended their wedding at the Plaza in New York. The real estate tycoon had been through an impressively messy split with first wife Ivana Trump, the parents of three waging a tabloid war against each other via the New York Post (his) and New York Daily News (hers) before finally reaching a divorce settlement in 1990, in which Ivana got custody of Donald Trump Jr., Ivanka and Eric Trump. Trump hadn’t been planning to get married again, or have more children, at least not so soon. Davidoff Studios/Getty Images “I’m glad it happened,” he said on The Howard Stern Show in 2004, per old tapes acquired by Newsweek. “I have a great little daughter, Tiffany. But, you know, at the time it was like, ‘Excuse me, what happened?’ And then I said, ‘Well, what are we going to do about this?’ [Marla] said, ‘Are you serious? It’s the most beautiful day of our lives.’ I said, ‘Oh, great.'” Still, Trump called the New York Times 20 minutes after his fourth child was born at St. Mary’s Hospital in Palm Beach, Fla., telling the reporter, “We have a perfect little girl, a combination in looks of both of us, to go with my three other wonderful children.” Tiffany, incidentally, is what he wanted to name his firstborn daughter, but Ivana wouldn’t hear of it. “Everything involved with Trump Tower has been successful, and Trump Tower was built with Tiffany’s air rights,” he told the Times, referring to jeweler Tiffany & Co., which was next door on 5th Avenue. “But I’ve also always loved the name.” For her husband’s 50th birthday, Marla commissioned an oil painting of Trump with all four of his children to replace one he had of just him with Don Jr., Ivanka and Eric that hung in his office. The new one featured little Tiffany sitting in Ivanka’s lap. Trump and Maples separated in 1997 but were still technically married when Trump met future first lady Melania Knauss at a nightclub in 1998, the divorce taking years to figure out because Maples was contesting their prenuptial agreement (as Ivana did before her), which had promised her between $1 million and $5 million if they split up before reaching five years of marriage. “It’s a hard, painful, ugly tool,” Trump later reflected to New York Magazine about prenups. “Believe me, there’s nothing fun about it. But there comes a time when you have to say, ‘Darling, I think you’re magnificent, and I care for you deeply, but if things don’t work out, this is what you’re going to get.'” (He and Melania did sign one as well.) Before the divorce was finalized in 1999 (reportedly for about $2 million plus child support), Maples, an actress, model and former beauty queen, relocated with Tiffany to California, where she scored the occasional acting job, but mainly juggled hosting gigs and embraced wellness and spirituality, eventually having her own radio show, Awakening With Marla. “We settled into a really beautiful life in Los Angeles where we went to church, the Kabbalah Center, school, soccer, basketball and everything for her to be able to live in a world where she would not necessarily be recognized as the daughter of Donald Trump and Marla Maples,” Maples told Healthy Wealthy nWise. “My goal for her was to let her do as I was longing to do; to find her own identity and her own self. We pulled away from that world in a big way and moved out to a suburb in Los Angeles. I cooked dinner five nights out of the week. The other two nights we loved sushi, so we’d be out having sushi. It was really all about getting that little girl to school every morning. I would get to the gym and do my workouts, and then my work would begin.” Davidoff Studios/Getty Images Tiffany mainly visited with her dad (and future stepmom Melania) at Mar-a-Lago on her spring breaks, and occasionally in New York, while Trump would fly out to Los Angeles for important school events, or see her when he was in town on business. “She’d like to get to know her father better and spend time with him like his other children did,” Maples told the New York Times in 2016, “by going to his office and watching him work. Only now, he’s not in the office anymore. He’s on the campaign trail.” She added, “I had the blessing of raising her pretty much on my own.” (Ivana Trump, too, has commented to that effect, that she raised the kids till they were 21 and then handed them off to their father and his business, the two inextricably linked.) Tiffany has always been exceptionally close to her mom, telling Winfrey in 2013, “My friends are always like, ‘Wow, you guys have a really good relationship.’ She’s with me a lot of the time and people find that kind of shocking.” On this past Mother’s Day, Tiffany wrote on Instagram, which boasts numerous photos of her and Maples, “Thank you @itsmarlamaples for being there for me always and guiding me throughout my life! I wouldn’t be where I am today without your unconditional love!” “She’s a great girl. She is full of a lot of love,” Maples told Healthy Wealthy nWise about her then-15-year-old daughter in 2009. “Now she wants to start on her career path, so we’re working on her music. She’s starred in a couple of plays. She did a fantastic job. It’s my career and it’s her career, with a lot of loving times in between. She knows that’s the core.” In her 2009 book The Trump Card (dedicated in part to Tiffany and Barron, “the next generation”), in an anecdote about how none of them took their family’s wealth for granted, Ivanka recalled Tiffany coming to her for advice the previous Christmas about how to talk to their dad about acquiring some extra spending money—nothing too outrageous, Ivanka noted, just a raise in her allowance. Because she hadn’t spent nearly as much time around their father as her other siblings had, Tiffany understandably hadn’t benefited from Trump’s largess as much, “just by virtue of lack of proximity.” Knowing Tiffany was nervous about asking, “Big Sis did an end-around to save Tiffany the trouble,” Ivanka wrote. “I didn’t tell her, of course, but I went to our father and suggested he think about surprising Tiffany with a credit card for Christmas, with a small monthly allowance on it. Sure enough, he did just that. Tiffany was thrilled and relieved. And appreciative.” MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images Though not seeing her dad all that much meant she probably saw her siblings less, Tiffany was one of Ivanka’s bridesmaids, along with Don Jr.’s then-wife Vanessa, when she married Jared Kushner in 2009. Ivanka also helped Tiffany get a summer internship at Vogue in 2015.  “We would see each other on all of the holidays and talk to each other frequently,” Ivanka told People in 2016. “She’s my little sister! I’ve been close to Tiffany her whole life, and I really love her.” But she paid Tiffany the ultimate Trump compliment while talking to the New York Times: “Tiffany has always been a very special person, very confident, very driven, always the hardest worker and not bashful about it. A lot of people are happy to get by without doing a lot of work, or work hard and pretend they don’t. She is proud of her work.” For Big Sis’ birthday last fall, Tiffany wrote on Instagram (a few days later), “Wishing my big sister and best friend a happy birthday (sorry for the late post, but you know my law school life haha) I love you so much!” Tiffany may have inherited the performance gene from her mom—she recorded a dance-pop tune in 2011 called “Like a Bird” with rapper Logiq and once told Oprah she was considering pursuing music as a career—but after graduation from the private Viewpoint School in Calabasas, Calif., she chose to attend her father’s alma mater, the University of Pennsylvania. She started college in 2012, just as her father, who had become more famous than ever as host of The Apprentice, started publicly questioning whether or not President Barack Obama was really born in the United States. Dad becoming what’s known as a “birther” didn’t do anything to help the Trump name on the Ivy League campus, but Tiffany’s spot in her privileged social circle—her group of friends was nicknamed the “Snap Pack” for all the chronicling they did of their highbrow exploits on social media—was not threatened. She never appeared on her dad’s reality show, but she and her friends were approached about doing their own. “It’s easy money…” Tiffany commented to DuJour in explaining why they never accepted the offer. “But,” interjected her pal Gaïa Jacquet-Marisse (great-great granddaughter of artist Henri Matisse), “it conflicts so much with all of our different personal goals. Besides, it’s not about money or fame. It’s about our friendships. It’s about us being f–king amazing people and loving each other.” Tiffany graduated from Penn in 2016 with degrees in Sociology, concentrating in Law & Society, and Urban Studies. By then, the ducklings had fallen into line. Richard Drew/AP/REX/Shutterstock “He’s true to himself and he speaks in a way that the average person can understand,” Tiffany told Barbara Walters in 2015 when Walters asked Trump’s four adult children if their dad had said—during what was then only five months on the campaign trail—anything that had made them cringe. “I think that’s refreshing for everyone.” (Eric Trump had immediately answered, “Truthfully, no.”)  The least talked-about Trump child told Walters, “It’s all I know. I’m so happy to be Tiffany Trump. I’m so happy to be, you know, in the family I’m in, with my siblings and my father and my mother.” Melania gave only a handful of interviews before (and since) the election. As the campaign got increasingly ugly, it was left largely to Ivanka, Don Jr. and Eric to talk to the press, much of which involved defending whatever their father had said or tweeted on any given day. But Tiffany did join all of them in giving a solo speech at the Republican National Convention in July 2016 in Cleveland. She didn’t have all that many applicable warm and fuzzy anecdotes to share, but she said her father used to write “sweet notes” on her report cards, and she had kept them all. In an email to the New York Times in October 2016, when asked about his younger daughter, Trump wrote, “Tiffany is a tremendous young woman with a big and beautiful heart. She was always a great student and a very popular person no matter where she went. I am incredibly proud of Tiffany and how well she has done.” In the meantime, Tiffany’s mom praised her daughter for the way in which she was handling being in the public eye. Michael Bocchieri/Getty Images “She is able to step in there and be her true self who loves her mother and her father and her family,” Maples told People in the spring of 2016, while she was competing on Dancing With the Stars. “Having raised her, I knew she would ultimately have a public life. But watching her sit there in that arena [during a recent Trump Town Hall] with that much pressure on her and see how the love we have shared through the years has shaped her. She has become a woman. I could not have been more proud of her.” And then, unexpectedly for most, Trump won the election, and Tiffany became a first daughter—just like Ivanka, only without the heavy expectations and, therefore, without all the blowback from Trump critics. Win McNamee/Getty Images Marla, who also attended the nominating convention in the summer of 2016, was in Washington D.C. to support Tiffany during all the inauguration festivities, the surprise culmination of the interminable presidential race, and where she shared spotlight after spotlight with her siblings. Tiffany, perhaps because she was with a boyfriend and not a spouse, stayed the night after the Jan. 20 inauguration ball at Trump International Hotel in D.C., rather than at the White House with everybody else. The inauguration was on a Friday, and by Sunday everyone except for Ivanka and Jared, who had already moved to Washington, went back to New York. That included Melania, who stayed with Barron at Trump Tower until his school year ended before moving into the White House full-time. Meanwhile, like her siblings, Tiffany has had a Secret Service detail since before the election, albeit a smaller one than father of five Don Jr. and mother of three Ivanka. A patron of trendy East Hampton café the Golden Pear told Born Trump author Emily Jane Fox that, compared to how customers reacted when Chelsea Clinton walked in one day with her detail in the 1990s, Tiffany showing up with her boyfriend in May 2017 was a nonevent. “The world basically stopped” when Chelsea was there, the customer said. “For Tiffany, no one really noticed, and the people who did were intentionally looking the opposite direction.” Someone approached to ask if he could use an extra chair at her table, and not even her security blinked.  To this day, Tiffany and Barron’s code names remain unreported, while Ivanka, Don Jr. and Eric are, respectively, Marvel, Mountaineer and Marksman. Melania is Muse. But since it’s impossible for the first lady or other first daughter to do anything normal out in public, shouldn’t Tiffany be relieved that she can more or less do as she pleases? Last summer, for instance, she went to London and then hung out with Lindsay Lohan in Mykonos, where the Mean Girls star was getting her MTV reality show Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club off the ground. (Lohan, incidentally, has been more complimentary toward Tiffany’s father than some, tweeting in July 2017, “THIS IS our president. Stop #bullying him & start trusting him. Thank you personally for supporting #THEUSthat people should support their president.”) Tiffany and Boulos, whom she reportedly met in Greece, also vacationed earlier this year in Phuket and, this week, she looked to be living her best life in Cannes. “Tiffany is happy she has so far been able to keep things with Michael under the radar,” a source told Page Six in November about her relationship with Boulos, who is of Lebanese descent and grew up in Lagos, Nigeria, where his wealthy family does business. “But she introduced him to her family at Thanksgiving, and he comes across as a very intelligent young man from a great family. There was no mention of the president’s unfortunate comment about African nations.” As a student at Georgetown Law, one who longingly posts throwback pics from her summer vacation while hunkered down at the library, just like anybody else would, Tiffany once again lives near her dad and certainly seems to be making the most of the proximity. On Instagram she posted photos of herself and Boulos in front of the Christmas tree in the White House’s Red Room and visiting Mar-a-Lago for Easter. Jean-Paul Aussenard/WireImage Tiffany told People in 2017, “I think regardless of distance, I don’t think that dictates any relationship strains. I really have an emotional bond with him and he was always just the funniest, most loving father.” But in April 2018, insiders told People that Tiffany, after growing closer to her father on the campaign trail, once again felt like a second-tier Trump kid. “Since the inauguration, Tiffany and her father have sometimes gone for months without speaking and she went a very long time without seeing him,” a source close to her said. “The last time she was at a family function with him, it was awkward for her and she didn’t feel totally welcome.” (The White House didn’t comment.) Another source said that their relationship wasn’t bad, it was just different than his connection with the other kids, due mainly to her growing up on the opposite side of the country. Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images And just as people have wondered about Melania and Ivanka’s true political leanings—not as much lately, but a lot at first—Tiffany has been the subject of the same sort of speculation. Her date to Trump’s inauguration was then-boyfriend Ross Mechanic, a registered Democrat who she met at Penn—and whose real-estate attorney father donated thousands to Hillary Clinton‘s presidential campaign, according to the New York Daily News. They dated for two years before breaking up toward the end of 2017, when she moved to D.C. for law school. A source insisted to Page Six that it was a geographical, rather than a political, issue, noting that Mechanic lived in New York. Toni L. Sandys/The Washington Post via Getty Images And though she can buy an iced coffee without causing a stir, it did not go unnoticed when Tiffany “liked” an Instagram post featuring several photos from the March for Our Lives rally for gun control in D.C. last year, with the caption, “Next massacre will be the GOP in the midterm elections.” And at the State of the Union in February, her all-white ensemble prompted speculation that she was dressed in solidarity with the sea of Democratic congresswomen also wearing white. But Tiffany wears white a lot, and she has been careful to not actually say or tweet anything that contradicts what her family seems to stand for these days. Her “I just voted” post in 2016 included the hashtag “#TrumpTrain” as one might expect, but even in 2014 she tagged a voting post with “@pennvotered,” seemingly a nod to voting Republican.  Late last year, she shared a photo on Instagram Story of herself and a friend checking out the game Trumped Up Cards—a Cards Against Humanity-style word-association game “For People With Big Hands”—at a Georgetown bar. And while that raised some eyebrows among those hoping for a sign of anti-Trump life in the universe, she may as well have been wearing a jacket that said, “I really don’t care, do u?”  https://www.eonline.com/news/1043254/how-tiffany-trump-s-world-diverged-from-her-famous-family?cmpid=rss-000000-rssfeed-365-topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_topstories The post How Tiffany Trump’s World Diverged From Her Famous Family appeared first on Top Of The World. https://kartiavelino.com/how-tiffany-trumps-world-diverged-from-her-famous-family/