#and had a real good sleep and dreamed about visiting them irl

[artblueminecraftorchid]

Saturday Morning Confessional

Hell lingers behind every shadow;

I leave the lights on, yet they stay.

Electricity bills climb higher,

Nights get longer,

Temperatures colder.

You’d think Hell could pay a heating bill

Once in a while, but in spite,

The nickels and dimes stack up.

I miss the sun.

This daughter of God thrives on routine,

But the clock shifts back and forth;

The government’s grasping attempt

At brighter mornings. Bitter as I may be,

I am grasping with them.

Light, light, God grant me more light;

Even if it casts shadows, at least

I’m not in the dark.

For all the scrambling to daylight,

I sleep longer, frittering away

Morning hours. Shorter days chopped

Ever slimmer. I used to sleep

When the sun went down; beat the

Dark to my bedrest and

Flee from the fear. Now, it’s 6:30PM,

The night already creeping, dinner

Not yet made. I stay awake,

Forget time, shiver in the gloom.

It does not bode well for winter.

Thanks be to God, who turns the planets on their axes

My alarms went off on a Saturday, and

I could not get back to sleep. Thanks be

To God, from whom the sunrays burst

In helium-synthesis glory; the day was

Majesty’s declaration, cool and bright and joyful.

Thanks be to God, I got up early, amen.

The laundry’s in the dryer, the food bought

For the week, the carpets are all vacuumed;

I’m resting, not asleep. May every chore I do

Be prayer and praise together:

Thanks be to God, I’m having a good day.

Hell lingers behind every shadow;

May God’s angels clear them away.

[starlightinmeshallshineonyou]

Sniff (A Steven Grant x Reader Fanfiction [A Moon Knight Fanfiction])

(A/N: GIF isn’t mine, please kindly check the maker of this GIF! [@disabledameron​])

My Marvel Masterlist.

Pairing: Steven Grant x Reader (gender isn’t specified)

Word Count: 1.254

Warnings: 18+, minors DNI (it’s not really smutty, honestly. Hinting to sexy time and an NSFW comedy if you will), swearing, anything to do with grammatical errors.

Summary: You and Steven take a bath together. (An NSFW comedy)

PREFACE: To my IRL friends who follow me on this Tumblr. I hope you skip this. Please, don’t read this, thank you.

———

The sun shone bright as you walked on the street. It had become your habit to always walk under its warmth and embracing rays while also enjoying the view of everyone you’d passed: a couple holding hands while heading to the nearest cinema, an old lady rearranging flowers for attraction, and even a boy taking out the risen and aromatic bread out of the oven.

You decided to enter the bakery and bought the bread that had caught your attention. The boy who sold the bread was nice. He said that this was a family business and despite it wasn’t his dream, after time, he finally gave in and did fine at keeping it together. You thanked him and wished him good luck as you left the bakery.

Today you were preparing food for dinner. You knew Steven would come home late because he was busy with work. Before you went back to the apartment, you decided to go to the market, buying canned tomato sauce and shredded cheese. You had come with the term that you couldn’t really cook that well, and that was okay. Even Steven can’t cook too.

After you got back to the apartment, you put all your purchases on the kitchen counter and went to your bedroom. The time on the clock was telling you that you still had time to take a bath first. After all the things you had done, you could feel the sweat and dirt that had accumulated on your body and you wanted your body to get rid of it. You were the type of person who couldn’t stand the thought that something dirty, in a literal sense, was sticking to your body.

Getting rid of the dirty clothes and putting it in the laundry basket, you got inside the bathtub while the water was pouring down from the faucet, filling it in. You hummed to a song that you liked and stopped the faucet as it covered your whole body just right. Dropping a bath bomb and just a little bit of essential oil, you laid your head at the edge of the bathtub, counting numbers until you found sleep.

Just as you’re about to visit dream land, a voice reached out to you, calling you back. “Hello?”

You blinked away your exhaustion and reached back, “I’m here!”

Heavy footsteps followed by door being opened caught by your ears. You glanced to your right and Steven with his sling bag stared back at you. His face reddened as he took you all in. “Hey, love.”

“Hey,” you smiled. “How was your day? Was it great?”

He put his sling bag on the bed and leaned his body on the bathroom door frame. “It was amazing actually. There were some cute kids that actually asked me about Egyptian mythology.” Steven smiled widely. “And me being a nerd couldn’t help myself to answer them.”

“That’s great! I’m happy for you, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, love,” he chuckled.

“You seem tired; do you want to join?”

“Oh—” he looked to the floor as his face turned into a tomato. “I—I don’t know about that, love. Maybe—”

“Relax, Steven.” You tried to cover your laughter, but still couldn’t help some of it escaped from you. “We’re already married. And I know perfectly well all your beautiful body. As well as you know mine.”

His pants throbbed as he discarded all of his clothing until he was standing with his boxer only, which was straining something under it. Steven bit his lower lip as he slowly got rid of his boxer and stood there perfectly flush, solid, and real.

You glanced at him from top to bottom and said, “Now, that wasn’t hard right?” You smiled, but quickly realized what you just had said, “And no pun intended.”

His face reddened more as he shook his head. You moved to the front a bit, giving him some space to join in the relaxing bath. He slowly got in and put his thick legs around you, caging you in.

You put your hands on both of his thighs as you leaned back on his lean body. Despite the water you just filled had gone cold, Steven’s body heat charged you in easily. You sighed slowly as you massaged both of his thighs.

This is nice, you thought. Both you and Steven rarely had the time to relax like this. You usually wanted to plan something like this, but you knew it’s not going to happen. So, this day was basically a win to both of you and Steven.

You casually massaged from his thighs up to his hip. Sometimes he jerked under your touch and you soothed him with soft whispers. Stroking his legs, you felt yourself deeper and deeper to sleep. Not to mention his hands caressing your belly, albeit shy with his own gesture.

You were about to meet your dream, again, when suddenly you jolted up from the realization of dinner. “Shit!”

Steven’s hands stop caressing your body. “What? What’s wrong?”

Instead of answering him, you quickly got up from the bathtub, but stumbled on your way out, hitting Steven’s face with your bum.

Quickly turning to him, you said. “Sorry, sweetheart! I forgot to make dinner!”

His face reddened as he looked at your lower part of body, too flabbergasted at the view in front of him. “That’s okay," he squeaked, “You don’t need to—”

But before he could finish his sentence, you got out of the bathtub as you wrapped the towel on you and instantly closed the bathroom door behind you, leaving him alone at what just had happened.

He was breathing like a human being when your bum accidentally hit his nose. And it made Steven feel something. And the way your body turned back to him and he was too stunned to even look up into your eyes.

He remembered before he went upstairs to both of your apartment, he noticed a paper that hung on the notice board that the cold water was on maintenance. And the water that you had put on the bathtub hadn’t gone cold enough to help him down there.

Dear God, he thought.

He pondered for about a minute or two until he finally made his decision: he locked the bathroom door.

———

You plated all the cooking you had done on the table just as Steven came to you, face flushed beautifully. “Hey! Dinner is ready.”

He nodded too quickly as he took a seat beside you. You both ate while talking about both of your days until you asked him, “Why is your face still red? Is the water too hot?”

Steven coughed as his face grew redder. “No!” He took a sip of his water, then dabbed the corner of his mouth. “That’s not it, love.”

“Then what is—” You stopped briefly as realization hit you. “Oh, you were hard weren’t you?”

He shut his eyes tightly as he nodded slowly.

You smiled at him and put a kiss on the corner of his mouth softly. He opened his eyes and met yours. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” You said, putting your hand in his. “I’m sorry I made you that way.”

“No! God, no. Don’t blame yourself, love. It’s my fault—”

But you cut him off with a smile. “Let me finish what I just accidentally started, sweetheart.”

He stared at his lap, nodding shyly. You led Steven to both of your bedroom, leaving unfinished food on the table that’d soon be cleaned in the morning.

———

A/N: I hope this make you laugh, lol. I swear I’m not that kinky y’all. I just think about it and f-ing laugh at Steven’s reaction would like in my head😭.  (And if you are someone who know me IRL, please pretend like you never see this post, thank you😭)

[eulchu]

I came to this fandom after dsmp ended, i have only a vague idea of what the c!dnf story was, could you do a brief summary of it? if it's not too much effort, and if you happen to remember the timeline and how it parallels real life? thanks 🙂

so basically towards the begining it was c!dteam having fun, until c!tommy joined the server and started griefing and killing george repeatedly for fun (both were against the server rules) so that made c!dream really mad and he started messing with c!tommy back. c!george and c!sap joined him and a rivalry was born.

fast forward some betrayals and a war, c!dream pronounces c!george king of the server, and promises loyalty to him. it's epic and awesome fast forward some time rumors stirr that there's a riot waiting to happen to dethrone c!george. that makes c!dream paranoid and he dethrones him first, which feels like the absolute betrayal for c!george, who had been promised only good and big things. shit hits the fan shortly after and c!dream loses his mind HEAVILY whilst c!george finds a deeper alliance in the fiances.

c!dream gets locked up for being insane and c!george tries to get him out by mining the obsidian with his fists. you'd imagine he doesn't get very far. after that c!dream is in prison while c!george is off to sleep all the time to the point where he can't differenciate between awakeland and being asleep. he sees a man who looks like dream in those dreams, which turns out to be the god of the server, dreamxd. he befriends him because he reminds him of dream and also does things for him. it's unclear why xd fixates on c!george the way he does - maybe because he likes to fuck with c!dream (there's a whole story arc there). probably because his favorite kind of people were the ones who suffered awful nightmares, and c!george had a lot of those.

that situation kind of stays like that until the end of the server. c!dream stays crazy, people using c!george against him because it's the only thing that gets through him, and c!george stays sad and in dreamland, plagued by weird dreams and nightmares about c!dream betraying him and pandora.

- in terms of their story resembling real life, id say a lot of it comes from the xd narrative. dream creates that character during a george stream because everyone was in the server and his character was canonically in prison, so he creates xd to be able to play with them. most of it though, comes from george. it's george who makes his character look for c!dream everywhere without quite reaching him. it's c!george who always wakes up with a gasp before he can really turn his dream from a nightmare to something nice. it's c!george who always looks at the prison from afar and who never dares visit c!dream because "i was told you didn't want me to see you", but really, he was just scared that he couldn't take dream back with him.

there's a dream that c!george has, one of the only nice ones he ever had, where c!dream shows up on top of the prime path, and they're running towards each other, saying how much they've missed each other. and then c!george wakes up.

c!dnf (dnfxd) was a lot of dream twisting the server's narrative so that he could spend irl time with george during lore (even when they were already spending 24/7 together), and a lot of george making one of his character's traits long for c!dream to the point where he went fucking ballistic and destroyed the entire server because c!dream chose someone else over him (which, quite frankly... that's just cc!george)

[protokirby]

I wasn't planning on typing this until I became able to get on my computer because I hate typing on a phone but I don't know when the flop that will happen so I'll just go ahead and type it.

For the 3 people who read about my dream posts, I was finally able to apologize to Leon. And Hop.

This is big so I'll slap a keep reading right there

This happened a few nights ago.

Before this dream, I hadn't seen either Leon or Hop since the last dream I posted that had either of them in it. I don't remember how long ago that was.

I almost always can tell I'm dreaming but never control things which is frustrating. But I was controlling this dream.

So..... before the actual good part of the dream, my family was being very bad to me and I went to sleep in the dream.

In the dream within the dream, I realized I had all my memories from real life.

The location was some beautiful flowing grassy field as far as the mind could see with pretty electric blue skies and it had random gray stones and also gray stone structures that look like a flat platform with a roof with thin pillars on 4 sides to support the roof though the platforms with the roofs were round so idk if I could say it has "sides" but whatever. This place looked straight out of a fantasy world.

Also some kind of awesomely epic and inspiring orchestra type of music was playing.

So, as I had all my memories from my awake self, I called Leon's name and he appeared. Specifically he appeared in a light in one of the stone structures as though the things are magic portals or something. He looked confused and slightly concerned. His expression got even more concerned when he saw me :( come on my guy, we used to be friends until I started having so many nightmares. Hop still thought I was fun to hang out with.

Anyhoo, after summoning Leon successfully, I called Hop's name and then Leon's facial expression changed. Not out of fear of the danger of all the nightmares I have, but something else. I don't quite know for sure what emotion he was portraying but it looked like a form of intense sadness mixed with some other emotions. Mostly sadness.

Anyway Hop didn't appear when I called his name (that could explain the look Leon was giving me) and I had a reaction to that in a way I would react irl in this kind of situation. A head tilt and a "huh?".

So I called Hop's name again but with more force and he appeared in a light in one of the stone structures.

Leon immediately had some kind of face that was a mix of surprise and happiness and so did Hop. More heavy on the surprise with Hop. Leon ran over to him and hugged him and they were both crying. A positive sort of crying like they hadn't seen each other in a long time and were happy to be reunited.

Okay, did dream actually Hop die somehow when I was under the impression that Leon simply found a way to stop him from visiting my dreams?

That's kind of totally super upsetting but at least I brought him back to life finally.

Anyhoo.

I wanted to hug them both but I figured that now wasn't the best time so I made sure they both had my attention as my short-self was looking up at both of them

and I said, full of emotion

"I'm sorry that I put the both of you through so many of my nightmares."

They didn't say anything back. I guess they were just too surprised about everything going on to speak.

But then I got a call on a magic dream phone from Gwen from Ben 10, the one from Ben 10 Alien Force.

She asked me why I was asleep at night if I'm nocturnal.

And I said "I'm not nocturnal. I sleep when I get tired and that just happens to be during the day more than at night. I'm very busy. I got control of my dreams for the first time and I'm finally getting to do the things in dreams I want but I never remember to do. Now leave me alone. It feels like I don't have more than 5 seconds left at most."

Then I hung up. The dream was actually waving around like the very uhh "reality" in the dream was shifting towards wakeup.

I wanted to thank Ryuki for being my friend and called his name, but I didn't see anything more than the light appearing in the stone structure before I woke up.

Thanks Gwen :( how'd she get in contact with me anyway? I've had Ben 10 dreams before but I don't think she's ever been in one and I definitely hadn't ever spoken with her before this as far as I can recall. She knew the "usuals" of my broken schedule too. What-

So anyhoo I was completely flabbergasted by how vivid the dream was.

I got the taste of a controlled dream that night but I want the full course meal. And I want it with every sleep.

I've been looking up online for ways to learn how to control my dreams and one of the ways listed is to write down what I want to dream about before I go to sleep so I got an old notebook and yesterday night I wrote what I wanted to dream about.

I also repeated to myself "I will control my dreams" whenever I wasn't lost in thought at something else because that's another way.

It doesn't seem to be working yet but it needs time and determination I suppose. I will learn to control my dreams for sure. I need this. To have a generally better life and to end my near constant nightmares.

If I can psychology myself into ignoring pain, I can psychology myself into controlling my dreams.

[foxgirlontherun]

good morning friend! have you ever experienced any ghostly phenomena irl or know someone who has?? 👻

I love this question! 💜 I had dreams that felt like visitations (I can't be sure of course, maybe it was just my subconscious trying to help me deal with stuff).

The first dream happened when I was a little kid. I had a pretty tough childhood, and there were times when I felt completely hopeless. During one of those times, my grandma (my mom's mom, who was already gone by then) showed up in one of my dreams. I was walking on the sidewalk at night in the dream and she was walking in the opposite direction on the other side of the road. She couldn't cross the road and neither could I, but she waved and smiled, and I felt like she was there to make me feel less alone (like she couldn't be really there for me but she was watching over me).

I had the other, similar dream after one of my friends died of cancer. (It was more than friendship on my side.) It was really hard to believe that he was gone because he was just 19 and full of life the last time I saw him. I had a really hard time processing that. Then came the dream: I went up to their apartment to talk to his siblings, I knew in the dream that he was gone. I walked in and he was sitting in his room, playing some videogame with his little brother. When I saw him I started to cry and said "But you're dead..." He came up to me and hugged me and said "I know. But it's okay." And that was it, I woke up crying, but feeling a bit better. It helped me in the process of accepting. This last story is less sad and more "fun" if you can say that... So one of my best friends had a boyfriend who had a really big family (lots of siblings, aunts and uncles and so on), very tight-knit. A lot of them lived together in an old house that was passed down for generations in their family. On the first day my friend spent at their house the family told her that they thought the house is haunted by one of the grandmas. There were always strange noises coming from the kitchen, and there were misplaced items at times. She was skeptical about it but then at night she woke up to the sound of drawers being pulled out and then slammed shut, utensils clanking, just absolute chaos from the kitchen. Like someone was cooking. She was set up to sleep with her boyfriend in the living room, so from there she could see that it was completely dark in the kitchen and there was no movement. The next night they were watching TV with the family, and a picture fell from the wall just missing my friend by an inch. She told me she thought "Okay, grandma doesn't like me..." After this, she only went for the daytime and wouldn't stay for the night.

Do you have a real-life ghost story? 💜

[glendover]

watch ghost files with me eps. 3

it’s Friday so you know what that means, watching ghost files with me!!!

(obligatory freak out over the place we visit even tho I don’t know it)

OMG ST. IGNATIUS HOSPITAL?!?!

nuns do be seriously scary tho just saying

concentrated horror

never thought about it but a lot of people do die in hospitals

bro I will say it again but I’m a big fan of the blueprint!!!

fortune tellers do tell the truth (even in twisted ways) so bad for you

the awkward silence 💀💀

starting the journey where it ends for the most - is such a good trope for a book or something

well some people have probably stayed in a lot of morgues bc it’s their field of work

not remembering the first morgue; sad, not remembering the last morgue experience; sad (in a funny way)

ITS A BAT

at least there is good wifi

“an IRL orb” lmAo

mini body chute, my beloved

kinda lost in the hospital 🥴

one of these days a ghost will touch Ryan after he ask for it to do so and that’s the day we see him die on camera

uhhh there is the guest!!

THE BOONKER - that’s so cool

would be creepy if the ghosts actually say their names back

little bitch & big bitch 🥰🫱🏻‍🫲🏼

not the ghost lol-ing at ryan and shane

and then calling them a Nerd

the ghost is flirting with Ryan again lmAo

all these people always notice they have evidence once they get home, kinda sus

no not the noice 🥹

and then that long floor

bro paranoia is kicking again 🤩

not the old ass polaroid omg

spirit box hide & seek!!!

ryan really can’t win, literally and metaphorically

the awkward hug after shane says ghosts are real 💀

I honestly love how Ryan always explains each of the things they use to investigate

DJ spirit box

why’s the spirit box being weird?? 😭😭

lmAo the moving stick figure has me in serious tears

why is the little dance so funny to me 😭💀

bro if I were a ghost I’d be proud of me for turning off the light too

I’d even dance a little

rose is really trying

honestly, rose is a really cool ghost

THAT was smooth advertisement for too many spirits

rose has a friend in her room!!

sleep over or whatever ghosts do at night

flies are friends of demons

“zaddy ghost“ i’m screaming

just two men discussing what a hot man looks like

Michael has it harder bc he can’t walk my dudes

A DEAD FLY!!

and another one

now it’s three, four, five, six - they are all over the floor!!

new fear unlocked: getting squished

I only now noticed that this episode is 1 hour long

bro the photo 😃

Shane is spending too much time on the internet 💀

no bro not the voice 😭

but to answer the ghost’s question: the world best ghost hunters are there

rip pigeon

the ghost really likes calling them nerds huh

I love how Ryan and Shane are als ways bullying the ghosts lmao

not the ghost calling Ryan god 💀

they really are all fielding with Ryan this season (as they should)

family bonding is killing god together

“You see that nun, you’re done”

nunthing & nunsense

the ring is rather adorable actually

Tina had cancer 👀 and then won what?? leaving us high and dry

Pinky 💀

not the ghost telling them to stop

ghost just leaves them with a casual ‘later’ lmao

Ghost has the hots for mark

possessed mark make it happen ghost

well that was a let down ghost you had so much potential

solo investigation!!

Ryan watching over Shane via the security camera

Ryan making sure we get his death on camera lmao

Shane will be disappointed again if the ghosts don’t hang out with again

Bro the dolls are fucking creepy 😭😭

hope the doll actually haunts Shane in his dreams

isn’t Ryan always trying to not freak out during solo investigations and then ends up having 5 mental breakdowns

“Come on, sisters”

lmao fast food is what gets Ryan through this 💀

understandable tho I’d do almost everything for nuggets too

look Ryan is always overwhelmed before going in

not the noise before Ryan goes investigating

the mantra is back 💀

not not voices again 😭😭

the scream 😃😃

bro absolutely not, that was horrifying

nun of your business 🥴

Ryan is just a little guy frfr

“the vibes weren’t great in there I’m leaving that room” me whenever I’m invited to a group meeting

bro I told you the doll is fucking scary 😭

how is Ryan supposed to see stuff without light?? 😭

but honestly Ryan is so brave for turning off the flashlight

not Shane wanting to buy the hospital 💀

LMAO THE PENNYWISE RUN 💀💀

Ryan in his self confidence era 😌

and that was St. Ignatius Hospital now filed away in

THE GHOST FILES

[creaturebehavior]

last night i had a dream that daddy came to visit me but he kept avoiding having sex with me, and then he went off and had sex with another woman, came back the next day acted like it wasn’t a big deal, then later that night he asked that same woman he just met to go steady with him while they were standing right in front of me. i was so pissed. so beyond pissed lol. i still feel angry about it even thought it wasn’t real. it was too close to home. my brain conjured up that dream loosely based on real stuff, old and new stuff. and irl recently i’ve been feeling so jealous and possessive, it’s maybe not good. whenever he talks about other girls, all i can think about is finding them and killing them l o l. it’s unrealistic of me to expect him to not sleep with other people but it still makes me so mad lol. i hate anyone else that ever touches him or looks at him. like they need to die so badly. ha ha

[yonfiendmaker]

behold! i didn't see any otgw icebergs, so i made my own :)

if you think i should add something, lmk!!

Explanations under cut :)

First layer:

▪︎Beast!Wirt au - very popular au in which Wirt stays in the Unknown, possessed by the Beast to some extent.

▪︎Bad End Friends - Crossover AU of Beast!Wirt teaming up with Ice Finn from Adventure Time and Bipper from Gravity Falls; sometimes other 'bad end' au characters are thrown in such as a glitched Gumball from TAWOG

▪︎Irl Copies of the For Sara tape - Limited copies of the For Sara tape were sold at two points. They have yet to sell for a third time. (🤞🤞🤞)

▪︎Tome of the Unknown (pilot) - The Pilot of the series. Can be watched on YouTube.

▪︎Wirt Staying in the Unknown - In a scrapped ending, Wirt was to stay in the Unknown, saying that facing your real problems was scarier than staying there.

▪︎Mystery Kids - Crossover AU with other child-late teens aged characters from sources based on mysterious and supernatural themes such as Gravity Falls and Psychonauts.

▪︎Quincy Endicott's grave - Quincy's grave can be seen in the graveyard that Sara and the others are hanging out in.

▪︎Original Beatrice Voice Actress - Beatrice had a different VA in the pilot, Natasha Leggero. Melanie Lynskey voices her in the actual series.

▪︎The Woodsman's Daughter is Named Anna - The comics have several issues focused on his daughter, in which her name is revealed to be Anna.

▪︎Jason Funderburker's Ax Murderer Story - At the gathering in the graveyard, Funderburker is telling a story about a man with an ax; this story is believed to have influenced the existence of the Woodsman.

▪︎Full Versions of Songs in the OST - A handful of the songs are cut down for their appearances in the series and can only be heard in full on the OST. The most notable example is Old Black Train , which is actually 2 minutes and 15 seconds long, but is only in the series for about 15-20 seconds.

Second Layer:

▪︎Sara is named after the Fleetwood Mac song - Listen to it here :) it is notable that it includes lyrics about "drowning in a sea of love" and that Sara is "the poet of [the singer's] heart."

▪︎OTGW Reanimated - a reanimated project for the first episode. Got taken off of YouTube, but can be viewed on Dailymotion.

▪︎Baby Wirt Audio - In the For Sara cassette, there is a small section of audio that can be heard in about the middle of the recording of Wirt's father talking to him as a baby.

▪︎Funderburker/Funderberker - The two Jasons's surnames are spelled slightly differently to avoid confusion.

▪︎The Brothers Never Ate or Needed to Rest - Although Greg expressed being hungry, neither of the boys actually ate anything (outside of one spoonful of bland potatoes and inedible items such as dirt and leaves) and never laid down to rest, only sleeping when night came.

▪︎Book on Interior Design in Wirt's Room - In Wirt's from, a book on interior design can be seen laying on the floor, backing up the knowledge he displayed when analyzing the interconnected mansions.

▪︎Mad Love was Based on a Dream - The plot of Mad Love came from a dream that Pat McHale had about house hunting. In the dream, while exploring one of the houses being shown, he ended up wandering into someone else's home.

▪︎Beatriceoftheday - A blog dedicated to our lord and savior Beatrice, known for its strange shitposts and intense praise of the titular bird girl.

▪︎Wirt is Jealous of Greg's Popularity - Shown in the Circus Friends issue of the comics, Wirt is jealous of Greg's ability to make everyone laugh and have fun. This may factor into his dislike of his brother.

▪︎Greg was Feeding Fred at the Tavern - At first watching, one may be confused as to where all the food Greg was gathering went, why Fred was wearing lipstick and why he was refusing to talk to Beatrice. Shown in a deleted scene, this all explained, as Fred tells Beatrice that he didn't talk to her because Greg was feeding him.

▪︎Elijah Wood Voiced the Crazy Driver - Exactly what is says on the tin, the nutty driver was voiced by Wood.

▪︎Cloud City is Heaven - A popular theory that Cloud City actually represents Heaven.

▪︎Greg is Greg Universe - A headcanon/theory that has mostly died out that Greg is the same Greg in Steven Universe.

▪︎Bee Beatrice - Beatrice was originally cursed to become a bee, but was changed into a bluebird to match better with the seasonal autumn theme.

▪︎Pat McHale Voiced Wirt's Voice Crack - Wirt's voice crack when asking the Beast Are You? was actually done by McHale, not Wood.

▪︎The Other Actors Harassing Elijah Wood When Singing Wirt's Song - In order to make the performance as awkward as possible, the other actors were asked to yell and demand Wirt to sing. This can be heard in the episode.

▪︎Come Wayward Souls Has the Same Melody as O Holy Night - The song shares a cadence with "O Holy Night", and can be sung to its tune.

▪︎Black Turtles Origin/Purpose - No one knows why the black turtles exist, and McHale has said that they're just one of the unexplainable things of the Unknown.

▪︎Anna Never Left the House - In the aforementioned comics, it is shown that Anna had never left the house, living on her own until the Woodsman's return.

▪︎Sailor Suit Greg - Greg originally wore a sailor suit, but was changed later on to his current, Johnny Appleseed inspired outfit .

▪︎Beatrice Missing Being Able to Flip People Off - In the Art Book, Beatrice's introduction states that one of the reasons she hates being a bird is because she no longer has hands to flip people off with.

Third Layer

▪︎Jason Funderberker is Visually Based on a Teen Pat McHale - As seen here, Funderberker was designed after McHale.

▪︎Babes in the Wood is Based on an Old Alice in Wonderland Cartoon - You can view the original 1923 cartoon here! Starts at 4:25.

▪︎Wirt and Sara are Dipper and Mabel's Parents - A popular AU/hc where Dipper and Mabel of Gravity Falls are the future kids of Wirt and Sara.

▪︎The Tune of Wirt's Song is Improvised - In addition to the aforementioned harassment, in a further attempt to make the performance as awkward as possible, Elijah Wood was not given a tune to sing, only the lyrics.

▪︎Wirt's Costume Origin - As said in the art book and on his tumblr, Wirt's cone and cape come from an attempted rock and roll persona from McHale's teen years.

▪︎Greg is Based on Pat McHale's Son - It has been claimed that Greg is based on McHale's son, but Greg existed before him. The similarities are simply coincidental.

▪︎Old Scratch - The original name of the Beast.

▪︎The Beast Killed the Woodsman's Wife - Shown in the comics, The Woodsman's wife was mortally injured, with her attacker implied to be the Beast.

▪︎Wirt and Greg Staying in the Unknown Until Christmas - Another scrapped ending, in which the brothers stay in The Unknown until Christmas, with their absence unexplained.

▪︎Tome of the Unknown (original plot) - Early concepts had the Beast ( then known as Old Scratch as mentioned earlier ) scattering the pages of the titular book for the brothers to collect. Each page would come to life and the brothers would explore each story.

▪︎Dante's Inferno Comparisons - Check out these videos for full analysis!

▪︎Wirt Panty Shots - In the aforementioned Circus Friend comics, Wirt dons a dress as part of a disguise. Later on, he rips off the bottom half off, revealing that he is wearing bloomers.

▪︎The Beast's True Form was Inspired by Trypophobia - As stated in the art book, The Beast's hole-filled appearance was inspired by Trypophobia, the fear of many small holes.

▪︎The Fight is Over is About Drowning - Give the lyrics another read.

▪︎The Beast Last Minute Design Change - The Beast had a very different design, and it was changed into the current one at the last minute.

▪︎Gnome in Cloud City Representing Wirt - Many people believed that the Gnome with the lantern in cloud city was a parallel to Wirt, or a glimpse into his future. However, this was debunked.

▪︎Send Me a Peach - This song is included in the ost, but isn't in the actual series.

▪︎Fred and the Highwayman's Backstory - The comics expand upon the story of Fred the Horse and his involvement with the Highwayman.

Fourth Layer

▪︎Babes in the Wood Title Origin - The name of this episode comes from an old story of a pair of children getting lost in the woods, dying, and being buried in leaves by robins.

▪︎poorlydrawnotgw - This was a blog created during the poorly drawn series meme period. It consisted of poorly drawn and very strange shitposts and has since been deactivated. I was a part of it as mod Goopy Wirt and only have a handful of images saved from it.

▪︎Read and Listen Book Lost Audio - A read and listen book was created, with the book being read by Greg's Frog, who would stop every now and again to talk about being a frog. The pages can be found online, but the audio is currently lost.

▪︎Skinless Witch - A scrapped episode concept involved a skinless witch that kidnapped Greg and rode him like a horse.

▪︎Gentleman Burglar Wirt - A scrapped concept in which Wirt breaks into a woman's home, who is charmed by this young man who has come to visit her.

▪︎Animal Transformation - It was originally planned for Wirt and Greg to be turned into a bear/dog and a duck and remain that way for several episodes. This was later used in the comics.

▪︎The Unknown is influenced by Wirt's mind/interests - The Unknown is influenced by those who walk in it, in this case, Wirt. This includes the old timey mystical nature of it, as Wirt has been stated to have an interest in old folk tales.

▪︎Good Guy Beast/Black Train Scrapped Concept - In an earlier draft, the brothers were on a train, heading to what they assumed was death. They jump off, ending up in the Unknown. The Beast tries to get them back on the train, which turns out to be heading back to life.

▪︎Evil Woodsman - At one point, the Woodsman was intended to be under the influence of the Beast and tried to sabotage the brothers's attempts to return home.

▪︎Lorna Reading the Tome of the Unknown in the Epilogue - In the epilogue, Lorna can be seen reading the titular book from the aforementioned scrapped plot.

▪︎The Beast was Originally the Devil Himself - The Beast was first designed as a devil-like character, the aforementioned Old Scratch.

▪︎The Brothers Never Went Home/The Hospital is Part of The Unknown - a theory based on the fact that the edges of the screen are still blurred at the end of chapter 10, the rushed narration, and the lack of consequences of nearly drowning.

▪︎Beatrice Seeing Wirt Nude - In one of the comics, Beatrice accidentally sees Wirt while he is washing his clothes in the river.

▪︎Sara is a Descendant of Lorna - A theory that Sara is a distant relative of Lorna.

▪︎Exists in the Same Universe as Clarence and Home Movies - The most well known piece of evidence is the overhead shot of the town matching the town that Clarence is set in. Wirt and Greg also have a cameo in another episode, and one of the final episodes shows Brendon Small of Home Movies runs a movie rental store in the town, connecting all three series together.

Final Layer

▪︎Beast x Wirt - Also known as Poetree.

▪︎Candycone - Greg x Wirt.

[hatosaur]

rules: answer these 30 questions and then tag 20 people you'd like to get to know better.

tagged by: @souncivilized17

name/nickname: jaya (pronounced like maya). pretty much the only name i go by irl besides the usual abbreviations and the occasional “jane”/”jay” when i order food so my name doesn’t get butchered lol.

gender: nonbinary

star sign: taurus

height: 5′4″

time: 4:52 PM CST

birthday: 4/30/1999

favorite bands: wallows, queen, beach bunny, daft punk, fleece (underrated!), gorillaz.

favorite solo artists: cavetown (BIG TIME), hozier, elton john, mitski, lizzo, rex orange county. 

song stuck in my head: freaking out by mystery skulls.

last movie i watched: captain america: winter soldier. i don’t watch a ton of movies nowadays (despite being passionate about them pre-pandemic), so the only way i watch anything is with friends; they wanted to recap before that new marvel show.

last show: same situation with movies except a LOT longer since. i think the last one was maybe 100 humans on netflix?? interesting for a while, but the episodes got repetitive and i had to stop at the gender episode.

when did i create this blog: mid-september 2020.

what i post: tlou art and fics! and sometimes, semi-/analyses, photomodes, and other tlou things.

other blogs: my main (art/personal/everything) blog @starstormie that i haven’t touched in months, as well as my equally-if-not-more-so untouched portfolio blog @artbystarstormie.

last thing i googled: “what is a star sign” searched “lou comic” because i was talking about french comics with a friend last night. apparently shit gets like REALLY real later on in its run.

do i get asks: plenty but mostly for prompts. other than that, really nice compliments :)

why i chose my url: lots of you know this already but it’s from the museum flashback where ellie puts the fedora on the dinosaurs skeletons (”that is...a hat on a dinosaur.” “it’s a hat-o-saur!”). i definitely wanted to use a quote instead of the usual naming scheme of the tlou fandom blogs and i guess the quote really stuck out to me at the time.

following: 61 (used to be pretty picky about following ppl bc i only wanted to see tlou content and nothing else; kinda weird of me. looking back)

followers: 973 (UM. WHAT. didn’t realize it was that high but thank you??? ;O;)

average hours of sleep: 6-ish hours. my sleep schedule is trash. if you’ve noticed me posting at 4 AM, it’s because i lack self-control when i sit down and think, “i’ll just doodle for a lil bit :)” and it all goes downhill from there.

lucky number: 3 and/or 5

instruments: played violin from 5th grade through senior year of high school! but haven’t played much since, though the muscle memory’s still there. i wanna play guitar really badly (thanks ELLIE) but i have violin brain so it’s very hard.

what am i wearing: tmnt pajamas, orchestra shirt from middle school, and nasa hoodie.

dream trip: cliche answer but japan. i’d love to visit and explore and take pictures one day. also maybe some place in canada or france.

favourite food: phở! second is calzones.

nationality: american

last book i read: for school, greyboy: finding blackness in a white world (for aa studies; very interesting read); and for myself, good omens. right after the show came out. yeah...it’s been that long.

top 3 fictional worlds I'd like to live in: letterkenny, httyd, and adventure time.

favorite color: red/pink!

you pretty much tagged everyone i woulda tagged so if anyone else wants to do this, here’s your excuse! :)

[silver-snow-writes]

The thing with Jaytim and a lot of cats

This is a not! fic campfire I did on a discord server that I’m porting over here, I hope y’all enjoy the fluff. @inkyubus and @salazarastark helped a bit towards the end

———————————————————————

Okay. Tim is canonically a cat person and it has annoyed the hell out of me that Tim never got pets but Damian gets a menagerie, so I always give him a cat when given the opportunity by plot

Tim finds a pregnant kitty on his fire escape, and takes her in. He’s calling on Selina and googling everything he can after processing that oh right this is going to be a big change, and goes out to the pet store incognito to grab supplies

But he’s at the Crime Alley theater house apartment so Jason is out doing an early evening patrol, spots him, and gets curious. What’s he doing around here in civvies?

Jason tails him to the nearest pet shop, and back to his house, where he spots him playing with soon-to-be mama cat. He wants to be mad that Tim’s in *his* territory, clearly living here, but it’s hard to get too pissed when he’s giving a happy kitty belly rubs and smiling like that.

Jason’s seen him do confident Robin grin, dangerous “I’m gonna fuck you up” battle smirk, calming civilians smile, even polite Wayne heir curve of the lips. But smiling joyfully like this, eyes uncovered, clearly laughing a little as the cat demands treats? Something goes warm in his chest

Meanwhile Tim is feeling tired and stressed bc his life is a busy exhausting and traumatizing mess lately but it’s hard to think about the bad stuff when he has mama cat and her litter to think about. She’s clearly been a pet before and is so friendly and cuddly that it breaks his heart to think someone abandoned her. He gets her to the vet to check for a chip and get her looked over, and when there’s no chip that cements his decision that fuck it, he’s keeping her

He totally names her Arwen bc there is no way in hell a kid that was a DM for DC’s D&D equivalent isn’t a fan of LoTR. Arwen has to get mites and fleas removed but once she’s flea free she’s sharing his bed

Jason. Is still keeping an eye on him, subtly. Staying out of range of Tim’s security systems and Babs’s cameras and telling himself it’s all because he can’t just let the Pretender go unsupervised in his turf. And sure that’s part of it. But Tim’s actually pretty good about sticking to patrolling his own territory and that helps somewhat

And well. Jason regrets what went down during that mess after Bruce died. Was kinda shitty of him to repay Tim letting him out of jail by stabbing him in the chest and all. He’s a big awkward goober dealing with some guilt now that he’s more settled, so he has trouble figuring out how he should approach Tim and let him know that Jason is aware that he’s holing up in Crime Alley

He’s gotta do something eventually, right? Ah well. Can’t hurt to just. Watch him, every now and then. See him through the windows being a goofy new cat dad and a disaster of a teenage vigilante

(Jason, honey, things really have come full circle)

Eventually things get set in motion. LoS assassins attack Tim’s apartment, Arwen runs away bc scared kitty, Jason jumps in to help fight the assassins and then they go track down the poor baby. And some bonding and pining bc Jason is developing such a crush and also hot damn Tim fighting and winning is a sight to see

Tim is understandably wary about Jason but willing to give him the benefit of the doubt when he’s being helpful and even offering to assist him in finding Arwen. She’s due to give birth soon!

(It’s been about a month now and she was already about midway through when Tim first found her. Domestic cats are pregnant around 57-65 days, so around two months)

They end up running around asking the ladies of the night and various others if they’ve seen a pregnant long-haired tabby cat. Eventually they go back to Tim’s apartment as dawn is breaking, only to find Arwen is on his fire escape again and in labor

They get her inside, clean up, and Tim sets her down in his bathtub, petting her soothingly and fussing over her. Jason is still helping out and he just goes with it, gratefully accepting a can of Zesti and medical supplies

I foster cats irl so I know how this tends to go pretty well. Within an hour of labor starting Arwen will finish pushing out kitten #1 and each of the rest will come around 15-20 minutes apart. She’ll clean them up and eat the placentas, which is gross but perfectly healthy, and soon enough they’ll be nursing from her while she purrs and rests

Tim looked into it and well. He’s been around human deliveries before and this was honestly so much quicker that it was a relief

(He was there when Steph gave birth and has likely helped deliver babies as Robin bc pregnant women can and will go into labor when shocked, like being held hostage or getting hurt in an accident)

He sits back with a sigh and pays his full attention to Jason now. He hasn’t been fully ignoring him persay, still keeping an eye and an ear on him just in case, but he’s been. Surprisingly nice and nothing but helpful, Tim isn’t sure what to think of it. Jason’s staring at the kittens but turns to look at Tim when he notices that the younger vigilante is assessing him

There’s a long moment of increasingly awkward silence as they stare at each other while the newborn kittens are mewling and Arwen’s drifting off to sleep. Jason is the one that finally breaks the tension, rubbing the back of his neck and looking back at the kitties.

“So. Pretty cute cats you got here”

Jay immediately cringes inside because yeah, it’s true that the cats are cute as heck, but c’mon Todd address the scenario

Here’s inky’s contributions:

"yeah real cute when they're covered in blood and placenta" tim retorts and then wants to smack himself.

"it's ok. they're still adorable through the bodily fluids," jason's smile is so fond when he looks down at the kittens tucked tight into the curve of arwen's body that tim thinks he must be dreaming

he's never seen jason with an expression even close to fond or happy since he came back. jason is stroking arwen's tail with just the tip of a finger, smoothing down the crooked fur.

(Back to me again)

He hasn’t seen him look so happy since he was. Since he was Robin, and Tim was just a fanboy with a camera

(Inky)

"you like cats?" the question breaks jason out of his reverie.

"they were just always around. alley cats are cranky fucks, but city strays are never that afraid of humans. they'd come around and beg for scraps until someone chased them off."

tim hummed, scritching arwen between the ears. "you were pretty good with her just now."

there was a tiny flush on jason's cheeks. "might have invited one in for a few days when no one was home. chased her off before she could get too attached."

(Me)

“I always wanted a cat, but my parents hated them and Alfred said no. I found Arwen on my fire escape hiding from a stray dog and I just had to take her inside”

Eventually Tim offers Jason a cup of tea and Jason asks about the cats more. Arwen’s name comes up and leads into a talk about Lord of the Rings, bc they both read the series and loved it. And a debate comes up over something they saw differently but it’s still friendly

Maybe Tim liked the movies’ take better than Jason did and they argue the merits vs flaws of the adaption. But they both agree that the Hobbit movies are way less faithful to the book

By the time they’re done with the tea and their conversation the sun is up and Jason ducks out to go home, feeling butterflies in his stomach at the memory of Tim smiling and laughing at him. Tim is reminded why he used to have a crush, but still very watchful bc he thought things were getting better before BftC happened

He goes to sleep and wakes up to Arwen balefully glaring at him bc her breakfast is late

Tim got injured during the LoS fight and aggravated it while looking for his poor kitty, so in the end he’s not really up for patrol that night. He stays in his apartment and alternates between looking over case files on his laptop and checking on Arwen and her babies. He lets Oracle know he’s off rotation for the night and to let Cass patrol his territory bc she’s visiting, and settles in to do some hacking to find out why Ra’s sent the assassins last night and talking with Lonnie about Unternet developments

He’s in the middle of hacking a phone’s datastream to find footage taken by a teenager that noticed skulking shadows outside the windows when there’s a knock on his window, and he checks his security system expecting one of the Bats to have gotten past his sensors. It’s Jason out on the fire escape with a couple of bags in hand. Tim is confused, but decides to roll with it again. He’s just hoping that the duffle isn’t full of heads

Turns out Jason went looking and found the League’s newest base in Gotham, liberating some paper files, a couple choice weapons, several USB drives, and a laptop that had belonged to the squad leader. He offers to let Tim work with him on this because he wants “those sycophantic assassins out of my territory dammit” and obviously Tim’s involved anyway

They both check on the kittens every now and then. They’re still too little to be doing much but nursing, sleeping, and crying, but god are they precious. And Arwen is a tired but proud mama cat

Now let’s see...Arwen’s a long-haired brown tabby with green eyes (not at all based on my baby Zelda, of course *shhh*). The kittens will be named after the Hobbits—Frodo the black kitten with big blue eyes, Sam the ginger tabby, Merry is white with golden patches, and Pippin is the tiny little tabby runt that mewls loudest

At one point Jason picks them all up and makes a joke while carrying the four of them that they're taking the hobbits to Isengard. It makes Tim snort and then wince bc the injury that kept him in was to his ribs

Tim gets sick. Not like immediately but a couple days to a week or two in, and Jason ends up playing rough but sweet nurse while Tim tries to hide that he’s ill from the Bats. Maybe the ribs issue leads to him getting a cold that nearly turns nasty bc no spleen plus two incidents of death plague and numerous other things mean his immune system’s wonky

Tim’s a stubborn little shit who won’t stay in bed unless Jason picks up Arwen and the babies to put them on the bed with him. He’s not cruel enough to move the babies when they’re sleeping on him, is he? But he can still glare at Jason

Jason might sneak a few pictures. For blackmail, he tells himself. Sure Jason, we believe you. It’s certainly not because it’s adorable and makes you get the warm fuzzies

It feels significantly less adorable when Tim pukes in the trash can and drips snot everywhere but the bedhead and flushed face and some semi-coherent feverish babbling about Star Trek and ornithology helps

Jason remembers Alfred’s cooking lessons and puts them to use, Tim lets out an obscene moan when he starts eating the soup that makes Jason choke on his own spit like a dork

“Did you get this from Alfred? It tastes just like his!”

“Yeah, he taught me how to cook, before...y’know.” Jason is very proud of himself for remembering it correctly, if a bit sad that he hasn’t spoken to Alfred since before he died

“Oh.” Tim blinks owlishly at him, unsure how to respond. “Well. You did a way better job than I would have.”

Arwen chooses that moment to demand attention, meowing stridently and rubbing her face against his hand until he goes along with it and scratches lightly under her chin

———

And that’s all, folks. Will eventually turn this into a proper fic and give it an ending, but I hope y’all enjoy it as is for the moment

[someobscurereference]

Graceless Heart Fic (Spoiler) Notes

These are notes for my 80K Fire Emblem fic “Graceless Heart.” These notes are full of SPOILERS! Please read the fic first! Beware at your own risk!

The notes will be under a Read More. Mobile users, if it doesn’t work for you, I’m so sorry.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS BELOW:

GENERAL NOTES:

Sumeragi was at work while Corrin was saying goodbye to the Hoshido family. He already said goodbye to Corrin that morning. That’s why he doesn’t appear here.

Xander texting Inigo back a heart emoji: I don’t see Xander as an emoji person, but I think Inigo is definitely the type to use a lot of hearts and whatnot when texting. Xander would not do that on his own, but if you look at his phone, you’ll see his most used (and only) emojis are the heart ones that Inigo sends him. Because Xander is willing to mimic how Inigo shows his affection for the sake of mutual reciprocation. Plus he got made fun of for being so stiff and formal when he writes.

Dock Fight with the Trio: Owain is genuinely embarrassed and Inigo really is going to tease him with those memes, but they’re all friends. This is not a serious fight. Severa and Inigo are not being deliberate assholes here. They’re all having fun.

The book Leo is reading when Owain asks is The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

Everyone’s swimsuits are based on what they wear in FE Heroes as summer units or their outfits in the Beach Brawl DLC, minus Corrin, who wears a swim t-shirt on top of whatever bathing suit you imagine for them.

In a real situation where someone is drowning, you should probably not grab them the way Corrin grabs Inigo. A drowning person is very likely to harm or hinder their rescuer due to panic. I just wrote that scene a little less realistically in the fic because I didn’t want to deal with that and, like I say in the notes, I’m functioning on action movie logic. Action movies aren’t realistic.

When Corrin tells Inigo that they’ll keep his almost drowning a secret so long as he lets them know if he has health problems later and Elise tells Inigo to let them know if he has bad dreams, what Elise is actually saying is “Hey, if you start to get PTSD over this, let us know so we can help you.” But she doesn’t want to be so blunt, making this be the type of thing Inigo keeps to himself and suffers through alone, so she says “bad dreams” instead to phrase it with less stigma.

You’ll notice after Inigo’s near drowning that I mention how exhausted he feels when he’s having a freakout on the floor of his cabin, how tired he is the next morning before, during, and after the shopping trip, how he leans heavily on stuff and people, etc. His fatigue can be explained by stress and other normal things. However, it is also a result of the lake water being genuinely bad for people! Most people who go to the lake naturally get this vibe and don’t swim too far out into it/tend to visit the lake in groups or pairs so the chances of drowning decrease. (I almost wrote some of this into Anankos’s dialogue but it felt wonky and didn’t fit.). Corrin also feels this same exhaustion in subsequent scenes, although it’s emphasized less.

Likewise, when Owain and Corrin are stranded in the middle of the water, they also grow quite exhausted rather quickly because (a) the closer to the center of the lake, the more powerful the Bad Vibes that drain your energy and (b) there’s so much rain and water everywhere that as they swallow, they’re also growing more and more tired. Also, fear takes a lot out of a person in general.

Similarly, when Corrin’s foot gets grabbed on the docks, I mention a few times that their legs feel heavy, etc. This is all related to Evil Lake Energy. Severa’s almost drowning is the same deal as Inigo. Everyone who gets in the water (especially if they swallow any) experience this same lack of energy. It’s worse if you actually swallow some water right out there in the middle of the lake and you’re just more susceptible to that kind of bad magic like Anankos unfortunately was. Corrin has been through the wringer at the end of this fic because of constant exposure. They’re on nothing but bedrest for a good number of days after the end of this fic. Lots and lots of sleep for them. Owain is only mildly better in that he doesn’t have to be admitted to the hospital but does need A Lot of sleep. Rest assured that they do eventually recover though.

Elise “lying to Xander and Camilla about stuff all the time” — A reference to in-game canon about how Elise regularly ditches her retainers and goes around to the poorer parts of the city where she is explicitly forbidden to go. She’s surprisingly sneaky and has no problems not telling her siblings about this.

I paraphrased some dialogue from in-game between Leo, Niles and Owain when the latter are trying to convince Leo to swim because it mimicked a Beach Brawl DLC scene.

“Pot, kettle” = a reference to Niles canonically reminiscing about the past in his and Leo’s support. He likely does that in this AU on occasion as well.

Camilla’s SUV has 3 rows of seats because she loves the extra room for bags/extra passenger space.

Some of Camilla and Xander’s interactions and some of Xander’s narration referencing her is also a direct reference to their Supports in Fates also. In this fic, Camilla’s jab at being surprised Xander would ever notice how she felt about Severa because he’s always so busy is more a jab to get him to back off than a pride thing like in canon, but the pride is probably still there too.

Severa lives! She lived because I wanted her too (and because I cannot stand any character death in fics that isn’t like “The Villain Died Forever Ago And Maybe There’s Danger But Everyone Else Is Fine”), but it is a sort of miracle. Camilla did not do proper drowning rescue procedure here. Nobody did. I’m sure you picked up on that from the panic and flashbacks and whatnot. Everyone did their best at handling that rescue, but it wasn’t great. There is too much Panic™ to remain calm, although in real life that’s absolutely what you should try to do in an emergency. Camilla’s one (1) exchange of air is not usually going to save the life of somebody who is really in danger. The only reason it worked is because (a) Severa wasn’t really dead, although she sure looked like it and (b) this is fantasy fiction. Please call emergency services in a situation like this irl or immediately drive to the nearest hospital if there is no cell service and it’s safe to do so.

Xander’s last conversation with Inigo in this fic directly stem from his fear of (a) not being in control and (b) not being strong enough to protect those he cares about.

Originally Elise was going to be the one who figured out Anankos drowned, but somehow while writing it just didn’t work that way, mostly because she ended up stuck by the cars. Whoops. You’re the real hero in my heart, Elise.

 CHARACTER NOTES:

Owain’s insecurities stem from his Felicia and Severa supports where Owain reacts very negatively to being called weird. Also from the hc that growing up in modern AU with public school would probably emphasize that insecurity too, since kids can be real bullies. I very much picture him as the “Weird Kid” in class who was in his own little world and other kids whispered about him for it. Which is unfair, because he’s really just having fun :( By middle school/high school, he’s likely learned to tone this down a little, but only after a series of Bad Memories that make him develop a fear that everyone is just barely tolerating him or is making fun of him behind his back. It’s an infrequent insecurity because Owain is pretty good at not really caring what others think, but it’s one that exists all the same. He’s known Niles and Leo for a year or maybe two at this point, but when Leo admits (like in canon) to hating Owain when they first met, it triggers those insecurities again and sets back the progress the three of them had made in working up to a relationship together.

Corrin has a peacemaker type personality in Fates and always wants to believe the best in everyone to the point where they only seem to learn their lesson of “trust but have a backup plan” near the end of the Revelations route. I think I was mostly true to that character of Corrin in my other horror fic Dark Things Grew. And I think I was mostly true to that version of canon here until the part where Corrin and Owain are stuck in the middle of the lake together. (If you think Corrin was 100% what you expected all the way through, yay! But if not: ) Perhaps Corrin is a little more freaked out or snappier than some of you might have expected. However, I am taking some liberties with the fact this is a modern world AU here. In Fates, magic is real. Dragons are real. Ogre monsters that you can summon out of thin air to do your fighting for you (i.e. Faceless) are real. Some things are less likely than others, but there’s a whole realm of magical possibility that doesn’t exist in our reality. So when you find out that the lake your mom used to visit all the time is possessed (huh????) by a demon (?????) whose voice you are hearing in your head (???????) and also who is not a demon but actually your ghost dad (????????) who is trying to kill you and all your friends you guess (????????) but you’re not really sure what’s going on still except for the fact that oh, Ariana, we’re really in it now, aaaahhhhhhhHHHHH—

Well, you, too, would probably be a little upset. Corrin is the same at their core. They’re just allowed to go “Yo, what the heck” now. (I almost had Corrin say the F word in just their narration once and I couldn’t do it :/) They go through a lot of feelings in the climax of this fic, actually, and I hope they felt at least somewhat reasonable reactions to you, the reader, since the situation Corrin finds themselves in is so unprecedented, stressful, and wack.

Also, this is true for all characters! They’ve been mildly adapted into modern counterparts. This means some experiences that shaped them in Awakening/Fates didn’t happen here or were adapted into modern equivalents. (For example, Inigo is a little less able to run face first into battle than in Awakening/Fates bc he didn’t experience the terror and necessity of having to fight the Risen as a young kid. He still grew up shy and is a (self-admitted in Supports) crybaby who tries to hide those facets of himself, however. Hence why he feels the need to put on a brave face after Bad Things Happen. He still feels like he needs to be a pillar of support for people, although he’s a less steady than his more hardened counterpart. Similar extractions can be applied to other characters throughout this fic.

I often write Severa/Camilla as a very doting, established relationship. A lot of the time the conflict in my stories comes from some outside factor—a dragon, a war, magic, etc. I don’t write a lot of interpersonal conflict, and it’s something I thought I should try my hand at least once. Camilla and Severa’s dynamic here specifically draws from Camilla’s habit of keeping her true feelings close to her chest in her supports. In canon with Selena, she very obviously gives noncommittal answers to Selena’s demands that Camilla praise her for being the best. With Xander, Camilla lies by omission—when he guesses her favorite food wrong, she pretends he’s right for the sake of (presumably) not embarrassing him and proving he doesn’t actually know his siblings better than she does. I’m sure there are other incidents where Camilla hides her true feelings too. I’ve always wondered about these events. Emotionally, Camilla is a very interesting character to me. She has a lot of thoughts and feelings, but she seems to keep a lot of them to herself. I wish that was explored more in-game.

Here, I combined Camilla’s natural tendency to keep her true feelings to herself with her canonical childhood loneliness. She canonically felt bereft of maternal love as a child, and that’s why she tries to shower so much on Corrin. In this fic, Camilla is afraid of opening herself up to love from others. She can dole it out because she doesn’t want to deprive anyone (specifically Corrin, who was isolated a lot via Garon) of that same love, but in turn she never wants to actually be vulnerable with anyone. Family gets special privileges, but even her siblings don’t get to see everything. She has romantic feelings for Severa, but she’s afraid of opening herself up to potential hurt and having that love thrown back in her face later. So Camilla does herself the favor of not allowing herself to be vulnerable in the first place. There’s some part of her that really does want to openly love and be loved by Severa, however. So that’s the yo-yo affect Severa is dealing with throughout this fic.

Camilla knows, factually, that Severa likes her too. But she also has this defense mechanism she’s used her whole life. She wants the best of both worlds; she wants to teeter on the edge of romance/intimacy she and Severa both crave while still keeping Severa at arm’s length so she never actually has to face the danger of being potentially vulnerable with Severa and therefore hurt. Which, you know. Is shitty. (Sometimes the people you love can do shitty things. Sometimes you can do shitty things. I think Camilla’s character is more complex, realistic, and interesting here because of it. I hope you think the same.)

And Camilla keeps it up until she realizes losing Severa is still a very real possibility whether or not she admits her feelings. It’s too late to pretend otherwise. She’s already vulnerable to that hurt she wanted to avoid. The shock of that revelation, the fear of losing Severa, and also McFreaking Water Ghost is enough to get her to admit her feelings and change her behavior. It’s not all peaches and cherries from here on out for them, but it’s a start. They’re taking it slow.

Camilla isn’t a villain here, which I say because I worry some people may think I wrote her to be villainous. Sometimes the people you love have baggage. Severa has it too. So does everyone else in this fic and in your actual real life. That’s natural. Sometimes we do shit things because of that baggage. It happens. Does that mean you get an excuse for your actions? Absolutely not. Apologize. Do better. Camilla is trying. They’ll go from here.

I was trying for a lot more nuanced, complex approach to these two this time around rather than the zero interpersonal problems approach. It was new for me too. I hope it payed off.

Anyway, love wins.

A VERY BAD OUTLINE OF THE CABINS THAT I MADE IN PAINT 3D AND A FLOOR PLAN I STOLE FROM GOOGLE IMAGES 2 YEARS AGO:

 I am so sorry for the quality of this, lmao

[szopenhauer]

Are you the type of person who gets straight to the point?: I try my best to explain things but ppl still don’t understand the obvious

What was the last thing you said in complete caps?: not sure what was last

Do you enjoy playing board games?: some

Did you wear anything new today?: pineapple shirt my mom bought for me recently

Do you ever eavesdrop on people’s conversations?: hard not to when they’re so loud

Are you good at playing Hide and Go Seek?: I was because I’m tiny XD

Who or what made you smile last?: my thoughts 

What was the last song you had on repeat?: Daisy by Ashnikko :x

Do you often have that song on repeat?: no that was one time only lol  I hardly ever have a son on repeat, that happened like 5 times in my entire life, usually after breakup

Silly string or confetti?: fun but too messy and waste of money so none

How long is your favorite song?: about 3.50

What was the highlight of your day today?: it’s complicated

Do you tap your foot when you listen to music?: I tap but mostly due to anxiety ^^”

Would you rather use tape or glue?: tape 

Homemade or store bought cards?: store bought 

Do you listen to any hip hop?: nah

How about some lyrics?: I'm tired of weakness Tired of my feet of clay I'm tired of days to come I'm tired of yesterday And all the worn out things that I ever said Now it's much too late The words stay in my head (...) I'm tired of Facebook Tired of my failing health I'm tired of everyone And that includes myself Well being alone now It doesn't bother me But not knowing if you are That's been hell you see 

Have you ever had a fascination with stickers? slightly

Have you ever seen A Walk To Remember? yeah Did you ever watch Captain Planet? I did Do you think that Uggs are ugly? I love them Have you ever watched That ‘70’s show? meh Do you get along with your sibling’s friends? we don’t know each other Do you have a fashion icon? sorta, not really Do you think that iCarly is annoying? possibly

Have you ever had a really bad haircut? sadly

What are your favorite type of calendars? pocket?  Could you spend hours on pinterest? just a couple of minutes  Have you ever had to wear a school uniform? I liked that Who were your best friends in high school? K.K. E.E. E.W. Ż.B.

Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? bottom Have you ever had a secret admirer that left you notes? I got a note in elementary, it’s a mystery to this day, I thought that it’s a response from M.N. after I left him one myself but it seemed to be a prank done by girls who’ve been bullying me so I threw that piece of paper angrily at him like it was his fault - I still kinda remember what was written on it, they called me a flower and left a tiny drawing - later, forgot how, I found that note again and I believe I might still have it stored somewhere  What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? as a kid I had 1 sleepover (same school in which the note situation happened) my friend P.W. had puppies and I was allowed to stay for the night in her house Do you currently live in the city you grew up in? mhm What’s one way in which you’re behind the times? ex. getting a job  What’s one way in which you’re still a child? ex. collecting stuffed animals, lots What’s one way in which you’re old? ex. health issues Do you feel old or young? Or do you feel both at different times? both at different times What would be the best surprise you could receive right now? money? Do you usually forgive when someone hurts your or try to get revenge? neither, I hold grudge and don’t trust the person again, at least for a long time  Were there any subjects in school that were really easy for you? in primary most of them were, in middle school: polish, biology, chemistry and math and in high: russian, english, PE and physics (but I probably shouldn’t count it as we had it for a few months) Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? - What time of day were you born? half past midnight, my mother asked me why I’m so lazy as for someone who was born on Saturday and I responded with - I was sleeping in and was late for Friday What is the best hairstyle you’ve ever had? can’t choose Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair? I’m used to my color but I wouldn’t mind dyed hair Do you ever listen to Celtic music? me and John had a phase on that back in the day, I wish I remind the titles... Have you ever wanted to be a model, actress, singer, or dancer? actress When you look at your baby pictures, do you recognize yourself? pfft Has your hair color changed since you were a toddler? got darker, less red  Do you wear matching socks? always but recently I thought about changing that fact Do you have a seashell collection? Do you have a rock collection? small Flamingos or pineapples? both Cacti or seashells? same but it’s harder to take care of cacti than shells haha Maple tree or palm tree? palm, ppl say maple looks like weed - I don’t think this way but that’s annoying, still I’d prefer maple trees irl!  Dreamcatcher or wind chimes? wind chimes but not every kind Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? <3

Are you a pyromaniac? Bu is :P Are you a kleptomaniac? wtf Do you like to wear belts? it’s uncomfy and not good for my belly Would you ever get dreadlocks? I could but I won’t Do you listen to Eminem? no way

Does your sibling have a significant other? my sister is married 

When and why is the last time you cried (or at least, shed tears)? yesterday?

Have you ever cried at a real wedding? not that I been to many but no

What do your flipflops look like? don’t own any

Are there any gadgets of yours that need charging right now? my cellphone is charging

Which awards show would you wanna go to the most (e.g Oscars, Grammys etc.)? I wanna go to MET gala, nothing else

Any idea what time you’ll be going to bed tonight? late

Does your significant other like the same colour as you do? she hates my fav colors besides black 

Have you ever purchased anything online? obvi

Name all your friends whose name starts with the 4th letter of your first name. ...

Have you ever ridden an elephant? I’d like to (and camel and an ostrich and a horse)

Are you the candle lighting type? am not

Coffee in the morning, yay or nay? nay

Anal sex, yay or nay? hell no

Blue lipstick, yay or nay? okay, whatever

Is this question lame: “Have you had sex?” yep

Have you ever dated someone with really crooked teeth? mine are crooked

Would you rather vacation on the beach, or in the mountains? beach What embarrassing music do you listen to? too embarassed to write down? What’s your biggest talent? talented? me? r u kidding?

If you were a candy bar, what would you be? Milky Way? Would you rather ride in a hot air balloon or hang-glide? air balloon What’s one word you want people to use to describe you? truth is most important, everything else is less 

Did you often read for fun when you were a kid? tons of books

Are you more of a visual learner or an auditory learner? I learn best with my hands (kinesthetic) but visual is probably easier than auditory to me 

Do you have any dietary restrictions? ugh...

Do you prefer Google Maps, Apple Maps, Waze, or something else? I get lost no matter what

How old does someone have to be for you to see them as an adult? about my age or older

Do you ever ‘manspread’ when you sit down? sorry but I don’t sit like a lady - I sit like a lesbian unless there’s no space for that

When was the last time you were in a crowded place, and where was it? bus this day

Have you ever turned down a job offer? had to

What was the last medical appointment you scheduled? scheduled plenty at once

Have you ever had a dream in which you died? I die often, it’s a common element in my dreams, I’m fine with it by now

Have you ever fallen asleep on public transport?  oh well... majority of those times I was able to but once it was an accident and I missed my stop while going to school

Can you touch your toes without bending your knees? almost Have you seen all the Hunger Games films? yasss Why did you last go see a doctor? control visit about my IBS, GERD, food intolerances... Are you more logical or creative? depends

What do you currently hear? parents talking, music - iamamiwhoami; shadowshow 

Did you get enough sleep last night? I slept a little over 3 hours and I feel tired  Are the streetlights on? it’s not dark yet When you wear a hoodie, do you pull the sleeves over your hands? when it’s warm for that or they bother me in what I’m doing Are you in any advanced classes at school? w moim profilu miałam rozszerzone historię i WOK (wiedza o kulturze) Did you have a good day today? it wasn’t the worst (compared) and hope it won’t turn into complete shit 

[sunnysideofsaturn]

2019, oh how you’ve destroyed me.

basically i’ve seen a ton of posts like this, especially by one of my best interweb pals (lookin at you, C @hey-im-pan ) and it’s inspired me to make one of my own! i journal a LOT but it’ll be interesting to try and sum everything up in little synopsis.

*side note: i struggle with anxiety, depression, insomnia, and ocd, so those and their effects may be mentioned. be cautious. This also doesn’t include a lot of the more personal instances, so don’t take it as an accurate representation of what it is like living with these issues*

January:

Honestly, not much happened. I went on a college visit trip with a few of my friends to my dream school, which was stressful but informative, and my anxiety attacks were far and in-between. Sleep schedule was wack (has been since 7th grade), but i was functioning. Dysphoria (i’m nonbinary, but hadn’t really even come out to myself then) was pretty high this month in particular for some reason, so i finally started trying to convince my mom to let me cut my hair off. (I had like 2.5 feet it was a mess)

February:

Finally came out to one of my close friends as pan, kinda accidentally but she was chill with it :) My grandma had a weeklong sickness that scared the shit out of me, but she got better for the time being. I was constantly pushing myself academically and physically at practice, but my grades were taking a bit of a nosedive because i didn’t have the capacity to deal with everything, but i bottled it up because i hate feeling weak. I continued to explore my sexuality, and started to research the gender spectrum.

March:

School and Crew (rowing sport) were the only things on my mind at all times. I started having more anxiety attacks again, and decided it was time to talk to my doctor about going back on meds after 3 years off them. IB was kicking my ass, but i’m so grateful for all of my teammates for giving me an escape on the water. Started to accept I was non-binary.

April:

A month full of good vibes i really needed. Got my drivers license on 4/20. I hiked my grades up with the help of extra credit, held a “wedding” in a Dillard’s try-on section, and spent a few days of spring break at the beach with two friends. I finally cut my hair off!! That feeling was literally incredible and i try to get a haircut every other month to actually keep up with it now. Saw endgame, died inside, and competed in an art show! I was doing really well, so I went off my meds again (don’t do that without a doctors permission like me).

May:

BAdddd time to be off meds, anxiety and depression were dropping my health and IB finals kicked my ass and the class i had been most excited about taking had become my worst at this point, but I got through the exams without missing any. Went to Jr. Prom though! We actually used going to Jr. Prom as a coverup to throw a surprise birthday party for my best friend. I still have no idea how she didn’t figure it out. I also started talking to one of my internet buds, Rosie. She’s helped me through so much she doesn’t even know about, and it such a beaut inside and out <3

June:

MADE IT TO PRIDE MONTH!! I finished my actual finals with minimal panic attacks, and join a Parkner discord! That was short lived, but from it was born… The What the Actual Fuck Fam, whom i love dearly. You guys still crack me up, and i know i’ll always have people to fall back on ( or help me commit murder.) Turned 17 and watched Monty Python (again.) Was forced into not one, but tWo bible camps, but also went to my first pride in my city! I have never felt so loved by so many people i don’t know :)

July:

Depression hit me HarD. I was constantly in a bad mood and taking it out on other people and myself, and I was losing even more sleep. Went back on meds for a bit. I got to see Far From Home, but pretty much isolated myself from anyone in my real life. July is always hard for me to get though for some reason. On a happier note, I started talking to @winterrs-child , who I now love dearly and @exbrodokills , which started out by exchanging memes but i think we can now call a friendship :D

August:

More depression, yayyyy, but Rosie and my irl friends helped me through it so much, even if they didn’t know it was happening. I finally came out to my parents and grandma as pan. They honestly took it pretty well, even if my grandma thinks it’s a ‘phase’. Also came out to C, B, and T as non-binary. Ya’ll were the first people I told after a YEAR omg <3 developed a huge celebrity crush on a cosplayer i won’t name even though they’ll never see this :’) Also fell back into the kiribaku pit after finally stabilizing my Parkner obsession. Also, joined a sapphic server which is basically a big gay support group :) (thanks to Rosie)

September:

Started my senior year of high school. So far, it’s pretty much been one big panic attack but i’m managing. I’m a mentor on the crew team this year and have adopted pretty much every underclassmen on the team. I love them all equally (except for my favorites) Cut my hair even shorter! I love it! Got back into writing poetry and short stories after an intense writer’s and reader’s block that lasted for almost a year. Went off my meds again (I should stop doing that, ik) Went to a Harry Potter fest, which was great, but started building up major anxiety for planning the rest of my life.

October:

SPOOP MONTH. October is my favorite month, so I was determined to make it good. Went on a couple more college tours, but also celebrated fall and halloween with my favorite people. Came reallllly close to stabbing my IB Bio teacher, but he’s survived, so far. Cosplayer mentioned earlier followed me on insta, cue gay panic. i also accidentally created a huge cuddle pile of 30 girls on my team in the captain’s backyard. It was as amazing as it sounds :0 Applied for 6 colleges

November:

CAVETOWN omg. I was also murdered with a bent hammer (don’t ask) and my mental health was pretty stable. I joined yet another server created by the cosplayer, and have made so many friends through it, plus gained a new dad figure :). Contemplated buying a binder on black friday, didn’t and deeply regret it (planing on getting one with the christmas money i get from my homophobic grandfather we pretend doesn’t exist) Discovered the goodness of Baby Yoda. Did pretty much no spanish homework. Solid 7/10

December:

Honestly, school wise december has been the most stressful month of this year so far, and the 2nd worst depressive episode. I’ve written 6 essays and done 5 projects this month and that was not a good time for the already low seratonin levels. i got waitlisted for the school i mentioned earlier, but was accepted into the other 5 :) I got to see an Of Monsters and Men concert, and I’m trying to push thorough til break, but my grandma has been getting sick more and more frequently over this year and now she’s been in a lot of pain for over two weeks and in and out of emergency care 6 times. Just hoping to make it to 2020 with everyone in tact and healthy :) I’m doing a secret santa with my friends im looking forward to. My friends have been amazing support through all of this mess, even if ii didn’t tell you about it, and i love you all!!

special mentions:

@donnaschaunamanon

@dawdlzdoodles

@harleykeenerprotectionsquad

@bumbblebeeeeee

@lykkesw

@chai-studying

@hey-im-pan

@pumpkinparkner

@everyone’s users i don’t know/remember

[dollsonmain]

I guess I was still thinking about being behind on tetanus and Minecraft when I went to sleep because I had a dream about zombies last night. And I didn’t yank myself out of the dream immediately like I tend to do when I see Son in them, because it’s always bad.

I ended up actually fighting, which usually doesn’t happen.

We had gone to the home of family or friends (I think some of them were IRL neighbors but I don’t remember), and they were all flu-sick but we didn’t think much of it. Then there were zombies outside. And I was trying to hide my son somewhere safe. He ended up in a shoe box hidden behind a curtain but he can’t be quiet or hold still (IRL) so he was making noise and wiggling the box around which moved the curtain and I knew I couldn’t expect him to stay safe by staying hidden, so I picked up a claw hammer and went to help fight.

I did ok at first, taking a few down, but I got tired real fast because you have to hit someone really damned hard with a claw hammer to do any damage through their skull and I am malnourished and weak.

And I was becoming less and less effective, and tired, and sore, and sickened by the sound and feel of hitting people in the face with a hammer, and it wasn’t until I woke up that I realized we weren’t safe there, even if we did manage to close the door and barricade the entrances because the people we had gone to visit were sick.

But none of it felt like “Nightmare”. No panic, or fear, just exhaustion and mild annoyance. We weren’t in danger yet.

I woke up even more exhausted than when I went to bed and had a hard time dragging myself out of bed. It took me half an hour to get dressed. There’s never a good time for it, but this is a bad time for a bout of uselessness.

[grouchythefish]

The 2010s, year by year.

I was inspired by @puzzled-dragon on twitter but but would rather do this here. I did not realize this decade sucked so hard. I put this under a read more because it’s long and sad af. I did not INTENTIONALLY make this depressing but thinking to each year these ARE the things I think of first. There’s a happy ending though, I promise. If this is too long, just read the first and last year and you’ll probably get the picture. (tw: depression, self-harm, death, suicidal thoughts, car accidents, sexual assault):

2010: Went on my first plane ride to visit my brother in San Francisco! Went to my first show that summer (warped tour - Sum 41!), then My Chemical Romance in December. Started volunteering with the Teen Advisory Board at the library. This was the year I first started realizing I had some mental health issues. My grandmother, who I was very close to, passed away. I was dealing with depression and self harming and learned I have ADHD. Started questioning my sexuality.

2011: The year of the January mystery evacuation! My strongest memories of this year are the summer. went to Warped Tour again (Motion City Soundtrack and Paramore!), joined Tumblr in July. I took 2 months of summer school by choice that year during which I read the Handmaid’s Tale and had a bit of a feminist awakening. Gwen and I started our band and started doing shows together. Started questioning my gender.

2012: Started IDing as asexual. Got into urbex for a little while. Graduated high school. Went to Warped Tour for the last time. Saw Mindless Self Indulgence and had my first serious panic attack. Started a visual arts degree at York. Lived on campus and lost a lot of weight REAL fast and got VERY sick. Now that I was 18 and no longer living with my parents I finally started getting treatment for my ADHD. Realized I was agender.

2013: Started playing quidditch and getting involved with York’s Harry Potter club (Ministry of Magic) where I met @ominouspotato and @puzzled-dragon​. Realized I was bisexual. Got my first job (tim hortons) then my first apartment (A complete disaster) My depression and anxiety got real bad towards the end of this year. I did go to a lot of shows though. (Fall Out Boy and Motion City Soundtrack come to mind) Started listening to WTNV not knowing that this would absolutely be a gateway podcast for me. 

2014: Moved in with my aunt Bev (not really my aunt) in Scarborough for the first half of the year then my parents for the second half. Bought my first binder. Became a Ministry of Magic exec. Saw WTNV live. Met my (now) ex at a PATD show in Feb, we started dating in Nov. Took the via rail for the first time.  Was sexually assaulted on my first date (I have never told anyone this until right now). Rode the go train a lot. Started trying to change my major to Digital Media.

2015: Moved back in with my aunt Bev and lived there for the whole year. (At the time I hated it but in retrospect she was real cool about a lot of stuff) Saw Motion City Soundtrack for the third and final time :’(. This is the year @ghirahims-left-shoe​ and I met Frank Iero and Gerard Way (who said my drawing were awesome!!!!!) Moved into the Forest Hill apartment (a mistake). Realized university was going nowhere for me. Saw WTNV live again.

2016: Dropped out of York and started at Seneca for Interactive Media Design. My (now) ex moved in with me and my roommates and shit hit the fan which resulted in us packing up and moving back to my home town (Cue the worst 3 years of my life) Got my G2 and started driving regularly, got in my first car accident. I worked 6 different jobs this year. My tax return was hell. I started getting really into podcasts this year.

2017: Started off real fucking depressed over the US election and somehow ended up turning to mbmbam to cope (a mutual on tumblr suggested it and I wish I remembered who so I could thank them for changing my life). Commuted to Toronto 5 days a week this whole year. Got engaged. Bought my first car in August (a beige impala). Had my first car written off in November when someone rear ended me on the 400. Bought my red elantra that I still have now. Joined the MBMBAM Gaming Server when I was at a very low point that fall and it was a god send - met some really really good friends though this. Joined roller derby. First realized I was in an abusive relationship.

2018: Got in another car accident. Quit my job in Toronto because I couldn’t handle the commute anymore after getting in 2 accidents in the same winter. Traveled to Detroit to see mbmbam live. Went through a YMCA employment program, which is how I got the most soulless job ever - but it was a short commute, looked great on my resume, and paid okay so I sucked it up. My depression and anxiety got worse and worse and I kept ignoring it, kept thinking if I just acted like things were fine they eventually would be (fake it til you make it is bullshit btw). Tried to leave my fiance a handful of times but never could. Tried and failed many many times to pass the roller derby minimum skills test. Started isolating myself more and more from my irl friends. My laptop kicked the bucket in August and I couldn’t afford to replace it.

2019 (Jan-Aug): In March I both got my dream job and went on my first big trip (New Orleans to visit my brother)! Got my first tattoo in July. My depression didn’t go away, though. I quit roller derby. A few doctor’s visits and many different ADHD medication trials later I found myself at my lowest point. I wasn’t sleeping but I also struggled to get out of bed. I felt like work was the only thing I could do so it was all I did and my anxiety only fueled this further. I thought that there was no one in the world who cared about me. I saw myself as a problem to the people around me. Something that needed to be removed. I was researching what pills I could overdose on and how many it would take and I started making real plans to kill myself in September. 

Spoiler: I didn’t! 

2019 (Sept-Dec): I saw a new doctor, took a break from work, and started on anti-depressants for the first time ever. Everything changed. I traveled to Buffalo to meet friends from the mbmbam gaming server and had online friends come to Barrie to visit me. I reconnected with my university friends after 2 years of self-isolation and we see each other regularly now. I went on my first solo trip to visit Gwen in BC and we are starting a podcast together (!!!). I found out my friends are also doing podcasts! I started working on having a better relationship with my siblings (we’re not there yet but making progress). I started coming out to people irl as agender for the first time and requesting they use my chosen name and pronouns. I replaced my laptop and started making art again! I applied for a bunch of zines and got into one! I finally worked up the strength to break up with my fiance for real. Just in these last few months I’ve made more new friends and spent more time with them than in the last 3 years put together. (If you are one of those new friends, I’m sorry if I’m weird or awkward, or say too much or too little or just the wrong things, I got used to not having friends and genuinely don’t remember how to be around people. Please be patient with me, I’m trying to get better.)

2020: I just had the first new years eve in a decade where I felt I was ending the year better than I started it. Things aren’t perfect (I still need my ex to move out, I still live in a town that makes me depressed, I’m still not out to my family, I’m still looking for a therapist) but for the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to the future.

[mikminicule]

21 questions tag

Tagged by @boxofsims​ and @teekapoa​, most appreciated I needed to procrastinate at this exact moment! xD I’m about to get really real.

RULES: answer 21 questions, then tag 21 people you want to get to know better, screw the rules I have jobs to apply for.

Nickname: Cayo +sfm many more private ones 

Zodiac:  Leo

Height: 162 cm

Last thing searched: Won’t tell, since it’s irl related.

Favorite musicians: atm Billie Eilish and Lewis Capaldi KENT

If you had a time machine, would you go back to the past or visit the future: Past

Do you gets asks: Once upon a blue moon yep

Following: 44 dash is pretty dead

Would you rather be rich or famous: Rich. I’ve got loans to payasffkgjlh

Amount of sleep: Anywhere between 4-8h

What I’m wearing: Pyjamas, fluffy socks & morning robe.

Dream job: Honestly, no idea. Anything that’d give me more time with family/friends.

Dream trip: Any place with Nina.

If you were an animal, which animal would you be: Anything feline.

What are some of your favourite:

BOOKS  - The Seventh Tower series by Garth Nix, W.I.T.C.H. by Elisabetta Gnone, Alessandro Barbucci, and Barbara Canepa more like what left an impression in younger me, I miss reading :(

FILMS - The Losers, Jurassic Park, Spy

SHOWS -  Hannibal, Good Omens, SPARTACUS

GAMES - FF12, Sims 3, DA, ME, Outlast, Until Dawn, Horizon Zero Dawn

Play any instruments: Nope

Language(s) : Swedish and English, learnt some others but I’m shit at them now (German, Spanish, Japanese)

Describe yourself as aesthetics: Fuck gender binary??? 

If you read this whole thing then I want to know more about you and you’re tagged! 8) oh, and top 3 followers @tragicpixel​ @simming-sweet​ @monets-pixels​.