#and hawkeye just isnt being loved enough after that

[variousqueerthings]

Its kind of funny how they have Hawkeye acknowledge how sexist some of his actions were when i feel like i always remember there being more women in those earlier seasons. I might be misremembering but i feel like if theyre going to do that they could at least make female characters more core. Like not every woman has to be plot relevant to be featured.

- Majoranon

Second post on your ask and much much shorter

I’m on my parallel rewatch atm and while there aaare overall more named nurses (especially in s1) they’re (thank you for pointing this out to me @genderqueer-klinger ) 1. not consistently named (ex. several nurses throughout the show will be called “Able”) and 2. named alphabetically, which can make them seem not quite real beyond a sexy conveyer belt (and there are exceptions AND I think it already started changing somewhat in “Ceasefire” s1 when Hawkeye pretending to be married immediately had several women rightfully drop him on the spot, AND I think it’s interesting that twice in the first couple of seasons -- and maybe later? Hawkeye makes a point of how he doesn’t pursue married peopl- uh... women, just women... yeah... sure...... Carlye is an important outlier, he’s going against his own principles!)

(also this is where I break in to imagine MASH form the POV of someone trying to tell their story and forgetting half the names and the timeline and that’s the reason for changing names/repeat names/odd ages/etc, but that’s another post + one of 100 versions of MASH one can imagine)

I do consistently wish there were more women who returned to the show (and you know... Ginger my beloved), but I do think overall there are a lot of interesting women throughout who have more single-episode plot-driven roles -- I have a feeling the difference overall between seasons 1-3 and 4-onwards is probably negligible but with less love-interests, but now just for interest’s sake will have a think about women whom I think are interesting in either a recurring role (Kellye, Rosie) or in their single episodes, and do a little comparison (again, more for interest than to make a point, because I generally just wish that there were more ladies with more screentime)

*

and all of this being said and going back to the line itself for a bit -- I think that Hawkeye acknowledging past sexist behaviour is very interesting as a reason for him to not want to lead Marina on, when I might argue that it sounds more like a misdirection (a real thing he feels, but not the real reason he’s letting her down/feels like he does -- the best lies are the truth after all). Because what of course comes next is him saying that she deserves a passionate, starving, wide-eyed artist, and that he’s “seen too much to ever be wide eyed again.”

I watched Blood and Guts the other day (s10ep12) and it was interesting to me that Hawkeye had a date, because I think it’s been awhile since he’s had one of those? I did a cursory look-through and from what I see + remember the last time Hawkeye had something related to doing something with a woman was “Taking The Fifth” (s9ep9) and he didn’t even end up doing anything at all, unless the nursing staff took him up on the offer to get topped by every one of them........ and before that I feel like it was “Inga” way back in s7?

Again, I’d need to rewatch and pay attention to that, but overall we know that the tone of the show changes a fair bit from beginning to end and these late seasons in particular let Hawkeye have way less fun, never mind be a flirt, and so when he tells Marina that he’s not what she’s looking for, it really does seem sincere + like he’s just not got the will to want to seduce anybody -- never mind falling in love. I’ve also boarded the aromantic Hawkeye train and I’m not going to be getting off it anytime soon, but I do think that fits easily with the read that Hawkeye used to really enjoy being wanted + the giddiness of getting into something with someone. He didn’t often go about it the right way/he didn’t always take the partner’s feelings into account, but there was something about desire/being desired that he gravitated towards, if not an actual romantic relationship -- and on some level he still wants that, after all he still gets very upset/morose when he doesn’t feel appreciated

(this could now veer into “and so what does this tell us about Hawkeye-wants-to-be-wanted-Pierce sexually” and I’m gonna not do that this post, because I tangent enough as is)

again, was talking to genderqueer-klinger about this -- they mentioned that Hawkeye keeps having to suffer from Main Character Syndrome by getting all the really awful plotlines while everyone else gets to frolic, and I then called him Mad Max, because a lot of the time he has episodes where he’s there to step into someone else’s story (the episode where he tries to help the Korean soldier, only to then help dig his grave, the episode with the Korean brothers, also Blood Brothers, heck even Marina’s story has Hawkeye in the role of love-interest-that-never-happened) and most of the time that story is bittersweet at best and his job is to contain all of that Narrative and he’s only a single lanky guy (it’s the real reason his posture is so fucked, he carries it all on his back)

he’s not allowed much levity, so we cling to the times he gets to do something lighter, like help deliver a calf or gather pictures so that a soldier can pretend to his ex that he’s over her, etc. But you know... maybe someone oughta be giving him a kiss every now and then, because my goodness does he not get as much love as I think he needs, which again, if aro-read, it’s also hard to define that love under an easy “give him a romantic interest” because that wouldn’t feel right either (and that’s not even mentioning episodes where BJ is going through His Stuff and is therefore mean to him, or the Hawkeye-centric episodes where they’re like “what if he has extra trauma from his childhood on top of that”)

maybe if someone gave him a good smooch/ruffled his hair/put him in their lap/f***** him/touched him/etcetcetc... I mean it wouldn’t fix him, but I think it would be good for him to not feel like he can no longer enjoy those things/is made too fragile by the violence to be held 

Anyway, keeping a running list now of episodes that feature women in an interesting way (this may be somewhat subjective at times)

stay tuned!

[electrificata]

Venus i want desperately to hear your theory abt brad pitt syndrome

ooooooh boy ok. also @lascapigliata and @fairiewick asked abt this, so here we are.

tl;dr i find it amusing to watch handsome men have to reckon with the consequences of being handsome and i gave it a name.

ok so brad pitt, right. voted sexiest man alive twice. so handsome it almost loops around to being boring again. dude looks like a leading man bred in a lab. and he’s cast that way! they try to at the start of his career, at least. but years ago i read a review of....pretty sure it was burn after reading? that said he was a “character actor in a leading man’s body,” by way of explaining his weird performance. this is a dude who doesn’t WANT to be a square-jawed leading man with dreamy eyes, he wants to do weird shit. and you can tell by the kinds of roles he takes (when was the last time we saw him in something like mr. and mrs. smith?), but also by stuff like. the gross facial hair he spent years of his life sporting off-camera. dude's not trying to look his best, he's trying to look like "himself," and "himself" might be a little bit of a weirdo. or at least thats what he wants to be.

anyway this isnt just pitt. the model goes wider. there are plenty of actor men who are really really traditionally handsome. like 6ft+, built, usually blonde. and exactly intelligent and creative enough to have a fraught relationship with their own handsomeness. probably cuz its keeping them from doing Acting rather than just acting (he wants to have weird facial tics. he wants to do an accent.) so they avoid classic leading man roles when they can (action hero, romantic comedy lead, etc.), even if itd pay better, in favor of weird shit. obscure biopics, risky oscar bait, genre stuff, bizarre comedy...places you’re more likely to find ungorgeous character actors or leading man also-rans (the miles tellers of the world).

[alternatively, maybe his career shows signs of launching into the stratsophere and it never does cuz he makes a weird decision or two. like...well, hang on a sec.]

In addition to brad pitt, the other two examples i can think of are johnny depp (his self-consciously chosen backlog of “weirdo” roles, his goofy acting choices in places like willy wonka, his off-camera “rebel” persona*) and jensen ackles (its rumored dude turned down the role of fuckin hawkeye, thats marvel money and a lifetime of supercharged con appearance fees to....be on supernatural for 15 seasons?). brad pitt syndrome probably doesn’t explain everything thats going on with those guys, but i think it plays a role.

also thinking of like, chris evans clearly relishing getting to play assholes after all those years as squeaky clean captain america. he’s a mild case, chris evans seems well-adjusted by celebrity standards. not a high bar to clear but whatever. im gonna keep thinking abt some earlier examples to point to for this (my instinct is to say brando, but dont hold me to that yet)

to be clear: most of this is speculation! i do not know these men! most of the very handsome men i’ve met in real life are either a) dicks, or b) shy sweethearts who hate attention. actors are a breed apart.

anyway. consequently, you get this post, where i originally brought up my theory in the tags - big pretty hollywood beefcakes fucking love being given weird character actor shit to do. they go absolutely bananas. and we should give them more of it!

[worstloki]

hi i have a prompt: the hulk smash isnt enough to free loki from the mind stone, thanos/the other die with the chitauri. loki is still under the stones influence but his boss is dead, and being enthralled to No One In Particular is stressing him out so the stone decides to make the avengers his New Boss™ (bc while the tesseract is his one true love, All Infinity Stones Are Friends Of Loki (AISAFOL)). the avengers are Very Confused by lokis sudden and inexplicable desire to please them.

(This post got quite long, so I’ve put a barrier to stop unwanting eyes from having the travesty take forever to scroll down. You’re welcome.)

He suspected there were only two beings currently in the vicinity to toss him around like a ragdoll, and the mean green fighting machine was definitely the one he would prefer.

When the Hulk grabbed hold of Loki’s ankle he was hopeful that the Other’s hold on him would break, after all, hadn't ‘cognitive recalibration’ broken Barton from its influence? He did not try using magic to soften the blows as he was hit against the ground. 

Loki felt the connection break, felt as the watcher’s eyes were pulled away and he could finally breathe without scrutiny. Which was fine, until he did a basic physiology check (to make sure he wasn’t hit too hard on the head) and found the mind stone still holding on to him. It was urging him to serve a commander he had no contact to and the irony of this was not wasted on Loki. The sceptre’s touch would soon fade. Probably.

He lay on the ground, savouring his victory: The Chitauri were mindless and would soon be easily defeated, the mind stone left near the portal to close, the fact that he would soon be back on Asgard, but most importantly, that Thanos was far far away from him. Loki would not be so easily captured again. 

When he tried to pull himself out of the ground, (and yes, there really was a body-shaped hole were he had been left which was honestly impressive even for himself) he found the Avengers standing over him. Show offs.

This was fine though. Thor would not leave his brother on Midgard and wouldn’t have any way to get back to Asgard since Loki was the one with knowledge on how to use it. He would likely stand trial and be sentenced to death. Which was also fine (he knew several loopholes that he could exploit to avoid a death sentence). 

Stark was the first to talk, “Alright you Ben Solo knockoff, get in the fancy handcuffs” he said. Perhaps not your best analogy, Loki was about to say when he felt his exhausted back straighten and found himself actually walking towards the man - something that he had in no way decided to do. 

The fact that he had followed the instructions calmly just left everyone else more confused, if all 6 Avengers tensing up was any indication. So, it appeared the sceptre’s touch would not, in fact, be fading soon. 

He felt himself hold his hands out for Tony to attach the handcuffs. They were Asgardian and would surely restrict his magic, which would definitely not be the best thing for him right now since he was trying to cut the Mind stone off. 

The handcuffs were put around his wrists and, feeling his magic start to suppress as they touched his wrist he jerked his hands back out. He told me get in the handcuffs, he smiled at the thought, but he did not specify for how long I would have to keep them there. 

He noticed after the Widow had caught onto his neck and slammed him to the ground that moving too fast would be seen as a sign of hostility, and was too busy figuring out how long he would survive on loop-holes before Earth’s heroes realised he was at their command, to resist being pinned to the ground. Thor placed Mjolnir strategically on Loki’s sleeve to keep him down - his sleeve, as if ripping through it wasn’t an option - the oaf either didn’t consider him a threat anymore (which was good) or hadn’t wanted to place it elsewhere and risk injuring Loki (which was also good), This amount of good luck was awfully suspicious.

“Why, brother?” Thor asked, as he stared down at Loki. Loki couldn’t exactly ignore the only thing he could see other than the ceiling and decided to give him an answer for the apparently sincere concern Thor had on his face.

“Because, Thor, I would rather he at least took me out to dinner first-” 

Loki couldn’t see them but he knew at least Tony and Romanov would find the remark enough to smirk at despite the circumstances and Bruce and Steve would also find it amusing (even if they would not admit it). Barton’s sense of humour was a bit less dry but he could try something for that later. To Thor’s credit, all he did was act confused and turn away. He didn’t really care about Thor’s reaction. In fact, thinking about it, was finally being free putting him in a good mood, or was it the stone that was still doing something in his head? He was almost certain his sudden interest in what the Avengers thought of him was not natural… but he couldn’t say for sure, so mulling over it was pointless.

“I apologise for my brother, it seems his sense of humour took a hit in the fight” Thor told his team, “If one of you could hold his other hand I shall bound his wrists and mouth myself -” 

“I don’t think you’ll need to do that,” Tony stepped forward, coming into view, which was awfully kind of him since Loki could literally only see Thor and the roof as he laid on the ground and wasnt bothered to get up, “He’s Loki, right? I read up on him a bit and he mostly avoids stuff because of the wording people use… combine that with the fact that he walked over to me when I asked, but then didn’t let me tie him it seems he’ s actually a pretty chill guy and wouldn’t object if I ask him to hold still long enough for me to put them on”. No one answered. 

“That is a crazy outlandish theory, even for you man…” Hawkeye said, probably to break the silence. Loki considered his options and they were to either a) Not do anything and let Tony test out his theory (which would be true and then the Avengers would realise that he will do whatever they wanted happily and not end well for himself) or b) say something now that could convince Tony not to try it (which, considering Tony and his curious streak, would be pretty hard to pull off…). 

He found an uncomfortable position in which he could hold himself up and face the Avengers while keeping his left arm pinned down. He settled for option b and hoped the norns were feeling kind today. 

“Hello, I’m Loki, I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced but long story short I was tortured and then forced into trying to subjugate your planet - sorry about that by the way - but I’m mostly back now and would rather not put the handcuffs on for the previously stated reason but also because I’m healing up a serious head injury at the moment and those cuffs restrict the healing.”. The injury part was a lie of course, he just didn’t enjoy his magic being meddled with (and was trying to get rid of the mind stone which refused to leave) and Thor wouldn’t leave him at the mercy of Midgardian healing knowledge… the rest of it was true enough, with the omission of Thanos, a threat Loki would only mention to the only one probably able to do something; the Allfather.

“I’m calling BS,” Clint said, barely after Loki had closed his mouth. Rude. “The guy is literally infamous for lying, and he also had that sceptre that he used to mess with peoples brains, and he was trying to bring an alien army through that portal thing, and he has no proof that he isn’t making this all up. So.” he finished off eloquently. 

They all shufted to the other side of the room and lowered their voices, presumably arguing over whether or not to trust him. Typical. This is what good telling the truth does.

Thor still stood with him though, and was trying to attach the handcuffs. Loki decided to store them in his pocket dimension just to make sure Thor didn’t accidently succeed. Thor pulled out another pair. Loki neatly placed those in the pocket dimension too. Loki could do this all day. 

The Captain, (their semi-leader? Loki was unsure how Tony and Steve had split the responsibility but it seemed to lean either direction at random) cleared his throat and addressed him, “We’ve decided the handcuffs… won’t be necessary since we don’t want to submit you to a hospital- ” 

“And because you wouldn’t be able to eat without your hands,” Tony cut in, presumably inviting him to the dinner Loki had mentioned, and got matching glares from Steve and Natasha in returned.

“But, we have also decided to test out Tony’s theory on how you lie because there’s no harm in not trying. After that you’ll be questioned by SHIELD and sent home.” Steve continued. He failed to mention what would be happening to the tesseract or mind stone which Loki thought was funny; as if Odin would let them keep three infinity stones on this planet. The thought that Odin may not even know what the sceptre and tesseract actually were crossed his mind but he dismissed it. 

Clint stepped forward and said, “Do a backflip,”. There was an expectant silence that followed as if they all thought he would obey the absurd command.

“You realise I am stuck to the ground, do you not? Even if I could do a backflip, I wouldn’t be able to like this.“ When the silence grew heavier and Clint’s ears had turned as red as they could get Loki decided to continue, “Also, I can’t do backflips.”  

The silence grew even heavier than before - if possible - and Loki watched as Barton received glares from basically everyone. 

He decided he should take advantage of this to suggest something that would be useful to himself and them. “How about you ask me not to attack any of you as we leave the tower?” He prompted. 

Natasha decided to speak instead, “Do not attack any of us indefinitely. In fact, while you’re at it, why don’t you magic me up some coffee.”. 

The request was simple enough. He hadn’t planned on doing anything to harm them anyways. All he wanted was to get on Asgard and wait for the mind stone to wear off. “Done.” Loki said, then, holding out a cup of coffee that appeared in his hand (it was from the café across the road, where ‘Nick Fury’, some guy whose lack of an eye reminded him of Odin, had been about to take his first sip) he offered the cup to her. He even winked and added a pleased to be of service thinking she would actually accept the coffee. Of course, she did not. 

“I’m afraid I don’t like the way the Director takes his coffee.” she said, a dangerous shine in her eyes, “Why don’t you drink it instead? I’m sure you’d love to drink the whole thing in one go.”. Natasha smiled nicely, as he said “whatever you say” and did just that. He hadn’t had coffee in a while so he might as well take the chance to taste it while he had some on him anyways. It was hot, sure, but he could use magic to prevent it from burning him. He drank it in one go.

There was no sugar in it. Loki hates coffee. He knows he hates coffee but its not like he had much of a choice. It was fine though. As long as he willingly does everything they asked the stone wouldn’t have to come into play and take over for him. To hide their control he wouldn’t just have to do everything happily and for the purpose of ‘because I wanted to do it anyways’ but he would have to do it convincingly. 

That’s not too hard. He was a good liar after all. He could easily answer SHIELD’s questions then get to Asgard without them figuring it out…

“I cant explain how but it appears your theory was right, Stark, he’ll do whatever you ask if he is physically able to do. Good job on figuring it out.” Natasha said, winking at Loki when she was finished.

If he manages to get away now they’ll stop believing the true story he told them before. If he confirms that the stone is still affecting him they’ll know for sure that he has to do whatever they say. He watches each of them as they go through the stages of confusion, awe, disbelief and then settle on ‘confusion but with an attitude that says we are going to take full advantage of this discovery’. He stares at them in silence because he knows the only action he could take that won’t change any ridiculous demands they make will only confirm him as guilty for the crimes he (technically didn’t!) commit. 

Well, #$&*, he thinks.

[synnefo-nefeli]

I’m a die hard Clerith shipper since 1997, you can’t change my mind but the one thing I won’t tolerate in FFVII aside from shipping wars, is anyone shitting on Tifa.

Don’t. You can like Clerith without hating Tifa. You can find other reasons to not to like Tifa as character, that isn’t “I don’t like her because she gets in the way of my ship”

Personally, Tifa isn’t one of my top tier FF characters, but I am not going to ignore how much of a badass and important person Tifa is to Cloud’s story.

People cite Aerith’s death and burial as the most important moment of FFVII, and yes it’s heartbreaking and an iconic scene. But you know what’s also an important scene?

Tifa in the lifestream with Cloud setting his memories straight. Tifa who up until this moment unbeknownst to the player, is aware that Cloud as he’s presented himself thus far *isnt* the Cloud he thinks he is. She’s been patiently going along with Cloud’s story trying to figure out *what happened* to him/ how he appeared in Midgar boasting of being a SOLDIER while clearly suffering from Mako poisoning/how will she ultimately break this story to him.

Think how hard it was for her to watch Cloud have ptsd episodes and not know how to ground him other than to say “it’s okay. Pull yourself together, let’s keep moving”, because she doesn’t know how or why Cloud is suffering.

But then they fall into the Lifestream together and Tifa helps Cloud sift through the memories warped and altered by the poisoning and Cloud’s severe PTSD.

Only Tifa could help Cloud here- she’s the only one on the Team who has known Cloud since they were young/understands Cloud’s motivations for wanting to become stronger in joining SOLDIER.

This part of the game is beautiful and emotional, and very ahead of it’s time in its portrayal and meta-discussion of PTSD; Cloud isn’t magically healed and back to normal, he never will be, be he’s reclaimed his identity enough that he can begin to heal. I’m replaying the original atm and the moment still holds and I’m hoping that the remake nails this moment. It’s as important and impactful to Cloud as a character as Aerith’s death.

Speaking of Aerith.  Aerith and Tifa become friends from the jump.  Aerith is so respectful of Tifa that twice she makes sure that she isn’t encroaching on Cloud and Tifa’s relationship. She asks Cloud if Tifa is his girlfriend, she reassures Tifa in Don Cornero’s Mansion that she’s not there to steal Cloud from her.  

And yeah, Aerith isn’t trying to steal Cloud or anything - she helped a cute buff guy recover from a fall, asked him for an escort because this time the Turks brought backup to capture her, and got swept up in the ensuing events.  

Hell, Aerith is ride or die for Tifa BEFORE THEY EVEN FORMALLY MEET EACH OTHER. Aerith sees Tifa being carted off to Wall Market and her “some bad shit’s about to happen to this woman if we don’t move NOW” senses go off.  

Cloud’s like “oh let me take you home first and I’ll get my teammates...” and Aerith’s like “YOU NAIVE FOOL? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO CUTE GIRLS IN WALL MARKET? (tbh, considering how naive Cloud can be, I am going with ‘nope’.) WE GOTTA GO! QUICK GET INTO THIS SEXY DRESS BECAUSE MR. SOLDIER YOU’RE NOT COMING UP WITH A BETTER PLAN WE CAN WORK WITH!!” Aerith drives the entire plan to get into the Don’s mansion. She negotiates the dress, the wig, the makeup, EVERYTHING, to make sure that Cloud can pass as a women to come into the Mansion with her.  

Heck, Aerith was going to go into the mansion HERSELF to get Tifa when the guard was like “No dudes allowed.” The only reason they went looking for dresses in Cloud’s size, was because Cloud got all “No, I can’t let you go in there a lone if it’s as bad as you think it is”, (as if he hadn’t just spent the last day with this woman watching her completely kick ass in battle). So Aerith was like, “Fine, you wanna come with me? Get in the Silk Dress, Cloud” with the same energy as Shinji’s Dad.

And when Aerith gets captured, Tifa was like “WE GOTTA GO AND SAVE HER FROM SHINRA!” as well as protecting Aerith through the whole ShinRa office building mission when the groups had to split up.  So yeah, these two queens love and respect each other from the get-go, they put Cloud in his place, tease the shit out of him and Barret, probably had hair-braiding trains at camp, and support the hell out of each other . 

Also, as we see from the rest of FFVII and in AC, Tifa is devastated by her friend’s death and continues to grieve with Cloud.  Tifa is emotionally intelligent enough to see that Cloud’s grief and guilt over Aerith’s death is killing him, but also respects his need for space.  However, when she finds that he has Geostigma and has staying away from everyone so he can just waste away and die as some sort of penance for not being able to save Aerith and zack, she get’s PISSED at him. Tifa is instrumental in bringing Cloud back (again) to his senses.  Making him see, that he doesn’t only belong to himself, he belongs to their family, just as much as they belong to him. The love and fierce protection Cloud has for his family?  They have that for him and believe he’s more than worthy of that love. Tifa takes none of Cloud’s mopey and self-loathing bs, and sets him straight.

So if you think Tifa is only there for fan-service, an annoying bitch who is there to be jealous of Aerith, is there just to make a love triangle so SE can pander to fans on both sides, you clearly

a) didn’t play the games b) missed one of the best female relationships and examples of women supporting women in gaming c) missed how equally important both Aerith and Tifa are to Cloud in their own ways

IMO I see her and Cloud as platonic soulmates- kinda like Black Widow and Hawkeye- they have history, they have shared trauma from their childhoods and in the destruction of Nibelheim, they know what it’s like to grow up in a poor country town that’s been exploited by Shinra on so many levels from the natural resources to it’s culture of military indoctrination and idealization.

Yes, there was an innocent first love, but after certain events, to me- it’s moved beyond romantic attraction between them. They’re always going to be important to each other and in each other's lives.  

Their innocent first love to me, mirrors Zack and Aerith’s, but Aerith moved on and fell in love with Cloud. Yes, Cloud reminded her of Zack, she probably wanted to remain close to Cloud to get closure on what exactly happened to him. 

People often forget, Aerith *knows* Zack’s died and returned to the Lifestream in the way that she knew her adoptive mother’s husband had died before word reached them. When she has her awkward moment in Gongaga it’s not because she’s now realizing that he’s dead, she’s now realizing that these are Zack’s parents and they still don’t know what became of their son. Zack was scrambled into Cloud’s memories due to trauma and because Zack was someone Cloud looked up and was his ideal, combined with the fact that Zack was the only person talking to Cloud for 9 months as Zack carried his catatonic self back to Midgar. But Cloud didn’t *become* Zack, only Zack’s plans of becoming a mercenary and being a former SOLDIER were impressed upon him. If Cloud actually became Zack he would have been chipper, this energetic “I’m a hero!” all around good-guy hero Zack made himself out to be. The Cloud we first meet...isn’t- yes he thinks he’s a former SOLDIER turned merc, but he’s sardonic, arrogant, and too much of “tough guy/lone wolf”...he’s more like his child-like self who was made to feel like an outsider and wants to showoff how much cooler and stronger he’s become.  He didn’t find Aerith because Zack was some how possessing him.  Aerith and Cloud meeting was destiny, and their subsequent relationship is independent of their past histories with Zack. And if Aerith is interested in Cloud because she reminds him of Zack - well...the woman is allowed to have a type.

I digress.

Cloud was in love with Tifa in that - “hey! notice me! If I go off an become this awesome guy, I’ll be worthy of your attention” sort of way, that teens get.  He was a lonely kid, often bullied by the other children in the village (Tifa included), and probably didn’t know *why* he wanted Tifa’s attention- it was most likely Tifa had the most social capital among the kids. And despite her hot/cold treatment of him,Cloud who was desperate to prove himself, figured that if he somehow “won” Tifa’s attention, it would “show them”.  I am not saying that Cloud was using Tifa or didn’t care about her- he does love her. He blamed himself for not being strong enough to save her when she tried climb Mt. Nibel.  But you can’t ignore that his thirst to prove himself wasn’t wrapped up in his crush.  It’s your typical “become a hero, get the girl” idealization.  Cloud was 14 when he left Nibelheim for Shinra’s military. He was a child, just like Tifa, with a naive idea about how the world worked- and the world slapped them both in the face, HARD.  Relationships mature and change over time. Outside forces can and will shift your dynamics in how your relate to the people you love.  Sometimes your first crush, becomes one of your very best friends (happened to me personally so maybe this informs my take on Cloud and Tifa) because when you’re young you don’t understand that loving someone, outside of your nuclear family, isn’t only constrained to romance. This is what I believe happened to them. Cloud and Tifa had the quintessential school yard crush, and when they were reunited years later in Midgar, they still care deeply for each other in a different way than they did when they were 14 and 13.

But those are MY feelings, it’s how I play the game’s attraction mechanics; I am afforded to shape Cloud’s relationships as I, the gamer, see fit. I understand why Cloti shippers ship Cloud and Tifa, and they’re just as valid as Clerith, Zarith, Clack, etc.. but I’m a sucker for M/F platonic soulmates because there needs to be MORE of that in media. I rather Cloud and Tifa be platonic soul mates, co-parenting Marlene and Denzel with Barret, than Cloud “settling for Tifa because Aerith died”. which that explanation for Cloud x Tifa, often used by Clerith shippers, just undermines who Tifa is as a character and her’s and Cloud’s relationship.

But anyway, even though I don’t ship them and Tifa is not my #1 girl for VII, she is a vital character. She’s not there for fan-service.  She’s not there exclusively for a love triangle and to cause tension between Aerith and Cloud.  Tifa is VITAL to Cloud’s story, to the story of VII, to the planet of Gaia. You wouldn’t have VII’s core story without Tifa. And I will go to the mat for her just as hard as Aerith did when she saw Tifa in the cart bound for Wall Market.

So again: you may not ship her with Cloud, or she may not be your fave in VII, but in this house we forever respect the badass queen whose name is Tifa Lockhart

[rawr-imma-dragon]

*Endgame Spoilers*

We need to talk about Natasha Romanoff's death, with an unqualified someone(me).

Throughout her entire existence in the mcu, she's been such a powerful role model and important character. She was the only female in the original six Avengers. Her appearance in the movies was a huge step for women, and empowering young girls. I remember watching her when I was little and just being fascinated by her badassery.

In Endgame, her role is critical, especially in the beginning. She holds the tattered group together and takes on a motherly role. After the false hope with finding the infinity stones in the beginning, she stays behind and makes sure everything works like usual. She listens to Scott's ideas to get the stones, finds people with the brains to make it work, and gathers the team together again. She takes notes during meetings, and she's so organised that she can figure out about the three stones in New York. Without her, the stones wouldn't have been located or retreived, and half of life would still be dead.

Natasha knows the red faced man on the mountain isnt lying. The dots connect in her head. She faces the inevitable through Clint's useless optimism.

Clint and Natasha's fight to see who's dying is tear jerking, raw, and amazing. It perfectly captures how much they love each other, and how close they've gotten since budapest. Both sides make excellent points in the verbal argument. Natasha's "you win" as they lean together touches more than just their foreheads, it touches everyone's heart. Natasha and Clint, Black Widow and Hawkeye, family.

As the argument turns into physical fighting, you can see how much they truly love each other. They're willing to die for the stone so that the other may live. After Clint knocks down Natasha and hurtles towards the cliff, he's sure that he's going to die for this woman, the whole team, and the universe. Natasha saves him, and he refuses to let go of her. In Clint's mind, there's still another way.

Natasha is fiery and fierce, atop notch assassin with spunk and spirit and confidence. Her weak "let me go" is something we've never seen from her before. She excepted her death, and the hurt it's going to cause for everyone else. The hurt will be less if she dies, in her mind, as Clint has a family and a full life to return to. And she can't get through to Clint through yelling, she knows that. Her voice is tiny, her words big, and her intentions true as she slips out of Clint's grasp and sacrifices herself for the greater good of the universe.

Immediately, despair drowns Clint. He watches a piece of his family fall to her death, her final, unreversible death. When he's in the pond, with the stone in his hand, he questions if the "soul for a soul" was really worth it. He attacks the water, himself, and whatever higher power lays out there in anger. Was Natasha's death really worth the whole universe?

Clint gets back to the present time, immediately falling to his knees, just sobbing. He doesn't even have the strength to tell the others what happened, the sadness in his face is enough. He knows she can't come back, and he thinks it should've been him.

The rest of the team never had the chance to say goodbye to Natasha. No one got the chance to say goodbye. The main Avengers are just crushed, as a vital part of the team is missing. Everyone's face as they realise that their best friend, the one who got the team back together, the one who did something to save the universe, the first female superhero, the strongest person they knew who doesn't even have powers but kicks ass, is gone forever. Steve and Tony should've said goodbye. Bruce tries to get her back when he snaps, and he tells the others this quietly. Even those who barely knew her mourned. After all, where would they be without Natasha?

The mission must go on, or else Nat's death would be in vain. They're saving the universe, yes, but they're also avenging Natasha's sacrifice. In a way, everything from that point on is for her and her memory.

The point is, Natasha was amazing and she contributed so much. Half the universe would still be gone without her organisation and skills. She should've been there to fight in the final battle against Thanos, she should've been there when they won. Clint wants a way to tell her that they won, he wants her to be there to celebrate. She knows. She's looking on from whatever afterlife there is, and she's smiling and cheering on her friends and family.

Rest in Power, Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow. We all love you and miss you. Thank you for your sacrifice, and the mark you left in everyone's heart. Thank you for empowering me and tons of other little girls with dreams of being a superhero. Love you 3000

[clintbartonswife]

Message

Pairings: Clint Barton x OC Grace, Avengers x OC Grace

Summary: After sacrificing herself for the soul stone, Grace has one final message for her family

Warnings: angst, Set in the ‘duyên’ universe.

Pt2 of this  || masterlist 

“Uh, Hey. Friday is this recording now?”

“Yes”

Clint’s fists tightened as his wife’s voice rang out of the speakers, a blurry hologram of her projected in front of him, Natasha resting her hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

“Great. Okay I’ve got to make this short and sweet cos you’re fighting behind me right now and I know it’s not long before someone wins” Grace spoke, clearing her throat quietly, “I love all of you with all of my heart, you’re my family and I can’t thank you enough for giving that to me. If this worked and my kids are back ... god please say we won ... I love you more than you can imagine and I don’t want you to be sad.”

“It was my time. I experienced no pain. Nathanael, I hope you do something with your amazing ball skills, maybe you’ll go into a sports career. That’d be awesome. I love you a hell of a lot little man. Lila, you’re so good with a bow, know that Dad and I are so proud of you for that. Who knows, maybe you’ll beat your old man to the Hawkeye spot one day. Cooper, you are so smart, like the level of smart that makes me question where the hell you get it. It sure as hell isnt me - hey maybe Clint’s a secret genius. Just know I’m cheering you on whatever you choose to do. Look after eachother, yeah?”

Nathanael let out a small whimper, Cooper pulling him and Lila into a tight hug, all of them having a steady stream of tears cascading down their face. Wanda and Pietro rubbed their backs soothingly.

“Wanda, you are so incredibly talented. Please don’t be afraid of what you can do, you’ve helped so many people. You’re going to go on to do so many amazing things”

Wanda dipped her head into Pietro’s shoulder as she held back tears, her brother holding her even tighter.

“Pietro, you cheeky sod. I know you like to go fast but ... remember to slow down a little some times, enjoy the moment. Keep on saving the day Sonic. Even though you two may not be genetically related to me, I truly believe that you are my children, and I love you like I do the others. I know Clint does too”

A sad smile crossed Pietro’s face as he rested his head on top of his twins’, Wanda’s dam finally breaking as she started to sob. Nathanael moved to snuggle between the two comfortingly, making Wanda smile through the tears.

“Tony, Pep and Morgan. Thanks for helping me when I couldn’t help myself, you brought me back from the edge and I love you all to death for that - oh maybe I shouldn’t use that analogy. Morgan, look after your parents for me, okay? You’re in charge, as always”

Now it was Pepper’s time to cry, Morgan giving the hologram a small salute before nuzzling into her mothers neck. Tony stared blankly at the screen, his hand trembling within Pepper’s grasp.

“Bucky, I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to miss some more of our support sessions, I’m a little preoccupied for the foreseeable future”

Bucky let out a pained chuckle, Marzia rubbing his knuckles soothingly.

“I’m gonna have to ask Marzia to look after you now. I have no doubt in my mind that she’ll do a great job”

Marzia nodded slightly.

“Steve and Sam. I know I didn’t exactly leave things great with you Sam, but I do honestly hope that you’re okay. I trust you both endlessly, and I’m angry at fate for taking time away from all of us. What happened in Wakanda sucks, but I don’t hold any of that against you. Steve knows this”

“Shit - don’t - okay. Everyone else I love you so, so much. Nat you’re my fucking soulmate in more ways than one. Look after Clint and the kids for me. Who am I kidding you’d do it anyway”

Natasha finally broke, tears free-flowing down her flushed cheeks, her hand moving from Clint’s shoulder to entwine with his.

“Clint, my love. Jesus I don’t have words. You truly changed my life. Thank you for making me so much happier and healthier. Thank you for giving me 5 beautiful kids. Thank you for giving me a family. Most importantly, I forgive you. For everything. Even for the things I don’t know about. You know what I mean”

Clint choked back a sob, his shoulders shaking. The hologram Grace’s eyes widened, her tone becoming more panicked.

“Both of you - I’m so sorry. None of this is your fault. This is my decision. I know you’ll never forgive me for this but I can’t let you fight each other to kill yourselves. The world needs you, my world - our family - needs you. What person would I be if I let you die?”

The audio became more jostled as Grace began to move, the projection of her becoming more worried. Slight scuffling was heard in the background.

“I love you all. Friday end message”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah - They don’t need to rewatch this Friday - end it please”

As if Friday knew the situation, she didn’t turn it off immediately, leaving Grace’s sad smile fill the screen. The others watched with bated breath as she amped herself up, quietly muttering to herself as she ran.

“You got this you got this you got this”

Suddenly the group could hear Clint and Natasha shouting in the background, protesting.

As she disappeared, the room fell silent, the only noises being those of crying. They sat there for what seems like hours, staring at the empty space where she once stood. Slowly, Cooper, Lila and Nathanael moved to hug their dad, Wanda and Pietro joining, tugging Nat into it too. The rest silently filed out of the room, leaving the grieving family in peace.

They were going to be okay.

[not-close-to-straight]

Smitten Kitten (Final!)

Catch all the other chapters HERE. ********************* “If I watch this anymore I'm going to be sick.” Rhodey made a face, but didn't bother looking away. “Is this really happening?”

“You should be pleased, Colonel.” Wanda said disapprovingly. “Seeing your best friend so happy like this? You more than anyone know that Tony needs this sort of love.”

“Yeah. No, I am happy for him.” Rhodey admitted. “But come on. This is…. this is… they do this every morning? Exactly like this?”

“Every. Single. Morning.” Natasha emphasized. She was the only one in the group not watching the, studiously reading her magazine and ignoring the three mates in the kitchen.

“It's the cutest thing in the world.” Clint interjected. “How long have we waited for each of those guys to be happy? And now they are happy together , what could be better than this?” He calmly lifted his phone and snapped a picture.

“Clint, what the fuck ?”

“For science?” He offered with an embarrassed smile. “Maybe blackmail. But come on. It's adorable.”

“I believe Hawkeye is correct.” Vision said smoothly. “To see our Captain, Sergeant Barnes and Anthony so happy after they have all been through so much… perhaps we can allow them this unorthodox display of affection.”

“Well I still think it's gross.” Rhodey huffed and crossed his arms. “Really, it's almost indecent. I can't believe I'm actually still watching this.”

******************************“

I think they are talking about us.” Steve said softly, scooping up some oatmeal and feeding it to Tony slowly, completely enjoying the way Tony thoroughly cleaned every bit of food from his fingers before releasing them.

“I think they can suck it.” Tony responded primly, and turned to Bucky, who offered him half a strawberry from his own mouth, and Tony grinned, flicking his tongue out to taste the fruit and and all over Bucky's lips before taking it and eating it happily.

He was perched on the kitchen counter, both the soldiers pressed against either leg, feeding him in small bites between kisses and nuzzles. He wasn't even wearing a shirt, preferring to have both his bonding marks on full display, as well as to allow his mates to touch all over as much skin as they wanted.

“I think maybe we gross them out a little.” Bucky took a drink of milk and tilted the glass so Tony could have some too, smiling as Steve got some more oatmeal ready.

“I think they can suck it .” Tony said again, more firmly this time.

“How's your throat, honey?” Steve asked softly. “Feeling alright?”

Tony shrugged a little.“A little sore, but I'm fine.” He rubbed at his throat, then over his reddened bonding marks with a rueful smile.

Last night, Bucky had thrown him onto the bed, taking him hard and fast while Steve had stood at his head and fucked into his throat viciously, both of them jacking him off roughly, leaving bites all over his chest and stomach, and when they had finished, each Alpha shifter had remarked his neck, breaking through the original bond mark with their teeth.

Tony had shuddered and screamed and come three separate times because his mates weren't satisfied with just once or twice.

He was sore and aching this morning, his voice raw, his ass stinging, but he didn't care. Not in the littlest bit.

“So, we've officially been bonded for a month now and I bought something fun to celebrate with you two.” He opened for another bite of the warm oatmeal, sighing as it soothed his throat.

“Oh?” Steve moaned softly when Tony let his teeth scrape over his fingers and Bucky nipped a little bite onto Tony's cheek.“Tell us what you got, honey.”

“Come and find out.” Tony teased and hopped off the counter, giving them both a kiss as thanks for his breakfast, and headed up to his their penthouse. “Give me five minutes.”

Bucky and Steve waved at him, and finished the rest of their own breakfast quickly.

“You sleep alright last night?” Bucky put his bowl down and reached for Steve, bumping their foreheads together.

Steve closed his eyes and let himself relax into the touch. “Yeah. Tossed and turned but--”

“Something on your mind?” Bucky asked, bringing his hand up to massage Steve's neck lightly, and the Lion shifter sighed at the contact, swaying a little closer.

“Nothing new. Did I keep you awake?”“No, just checking on you.” Bucky smiled when Steve stepped even closer, silently asking for more, so he dropped a light kiss on his forehead, holding him tighter.

It was good between them, like this, so they stayed close for a short while, soothing each other with barely there touches, light rumbles and growls, letting their bond strengthen.

It was several minutes before Steve cleared his throat and stepped away somewhat reluctantly. “Shall we? Don't want to keep Tony waiting.”

“High maintenance little thing.” Bucky agreed with a grin and laced their fingers together to head upstairs.

************************************

Tony's mates knocked on the bedroom door softly, then waited a moment before entering.

The lights were low in the bedroom, nothing except the bed side lamps lit. Every pillow from all the couches and chairs had been gathered on top of the bed, and in the middle of them all, sitting up on his knees was Tony.

He was partial shifted, ears up and alert, tail twitching playfully behind him, claws out and tracing little circles into his thighs.

And he wasn't wearing anything except a black velvet collar around his neck. His name was stitched in silver lettering in big bold letters, and the tag hooked around it proudly labeled him as Bucky and Steve's.

“Oh Tony .” Steve dropped to his knees just that fast, knocked nearly speechless by the sight. “Look at you sweetheart. So beautiful.”

“Stunning.” Bucky knelt too, grabbing Steve's arm to keep either of them from just jumping on the bed. “Oh what a perfect pretty little kitty you are.”

Alpha shifters or not, they were completely at the mercy of their mate like this, and were already rolling into their partial shifts, voices deepening, teeth sharpening as the need to take surged through them.

But their mate needed compliments first, compliments and flattery and so much love , so they just knelt there and said everything that came to mind, sweet words and phrases spilling from their lips even as they both reached for him, tried to edge closer to the bed, needed him more than they needed to breathe.

“God, just look at you.” “So perfect.” “How gorgeous.” “Our mate.” “ Ours.” “What did we even do to get so lucky?” “Come here, honey.” “Can we play? Oh please let us play with you.” “We need you sweetheart.” “So wonderful for us.” “Made for us.” “Look at those gorgeous ears.” “That beautiful long tail.” “Beautiful, perfect kitty.” “So perfect, sweet thing.”

And Tony just bared his little fangs and smiled.Because this was fucking purrrfect.

*****************

Epilogue

*****************

The ringtone of Steve's phone completely interrupted the mission briefing, and absolutely made Agent Coulsons jaw drop.

“Who let the dogs out? Who who who who! Who let the dogs out?”

“Oh my god.” Steve's face flamed red and he scrambled to mute it. “I am so sorry, Agent Coulson, Colonel Rhodes, its um—”

“Captain Rogers.” Rhodey was trying his damnedest to keep the smirk off his face. “Captain Rogers.” he cleared his throat. “Would I be correct in assuming that Sergeant Barnes is the one calling you right now?”

“I–I–” the Lion shifter swallowed back a growl of annoyance. “My mate changed my ringtone, I apologize.”

“Sorry, but Sergeant Barnes chose that as his ringtone?” Agent Coulson asked in that quietly, polite way of his. “Sergeant Barnes, the Alpha Wolf shifter?”

“Not that mate. My other mate, Tony.” he breathed a deep sigh.

Tony had changed his ringtone because he'd been upset Steve couldn't stay with him all day today. Not that Steve had wanted to spend his whole day locked in the conference room talking about missions and personnel.

No he would much rather be snuggled up in bed with both his mates. He missed Tony and Bucky so much he nearly ached. He needed a break from all this. A break from being Captain America. A break from being Steve. He needed to just be Bucky and Tony's mate, and let them take care of him.

Steve shook his head and pushed those thoughts away. He had been feeling down for weeks now and didn't really know what to do about it.“If you’ll excuse me.” he said politely. “I need to take this.”

“Ah. Of course.” Coulson said with a little smile. “By all means, take your mates call.”

“Thank you. Just a few minutes.” Steve stepped into the hallway and opened his phone. “Bucky, I swear to god. You know I am in a meeting, I will muzzle your–”

“911, Steve.” Bucky's voice was stressed, nearly a whine. “911, our room. Its Tony.”

“Oh shit.” Steve only stepped into the conference room long enough to snatch his shield, and took off running, no apology or explanation or anything.

“I haven't been around the compound much since this all happened.” Coulson commented mildly. “Does this sort of thing–”

“Tony is the most high maintenance person in the world. Also the most high maintenance shifter. Steve and Bucky have their hands full all the time.”

“Tony couldn't weigh more than a hundred and twenty pounds.” Coulson raised his eyebrows. “How much trouble could he possibly be?”

Rhodey just started laughing. “Phil. You literally have no idea how much of a handful Tony can be.”

“Isnt his shifter form a cat?”

“Phil. You have no idea.” The Colonel collapsed back into his chair, shoulders shaking.“But both Rogers and Barnes are Alpha–”

“Phil.” Rhodey was full on cackling now, wiping his tears away. “You have no idea.”

************

“Tony!” Steve was yelling, racing up the stairs, tearing into a partial shift as he went, a snarl burning in his throat at the thought of something happening to either of his mates, but especially Tony. Perfect, tiny, little smitten Tony who needed to be held and cuddled and protected and–

The door burst inwards when he smashed into it shield first and skidded to a stop.“Bucky, mate, are you–is everything–”  His shield hit the ground with a clang. “Bucky, are you kidding me?”

“Shush.” Bucky hadn't even turned to look at him yet, kneeling on the floor and staring at their big bed. He was partial shifted, ears and claws out, tail wagging furiously. “Look at him.”

“Oh my god.” Steve dropped onto the ground next to him, his claws retracting as he pulled his Lion back. “Oh, honey, look at him.”

“I know.” Bucky reached and laced their fingers together, his claws scraping over Steves palm. “Our mate is the cutest.”

“God, hes the cutest.”

Tony, fully shifted into his tiny fierce eight pound cat, was curled in the center of their giant bed, little face buried inside his Iron Man mask.

“What is he doing?” Steve dropped his voice into a whisper, leaning closer to his mate, enjoying the physical contact after being apart all day. “Why is he–”

“FRIDAY says Tony had a rough day, didn't want to face anything so he shifted and crawled into his helmet and fell asleep.”

“Sweet, perfect thing.” Steve said sympathetically. “Why didn't he call us?”

“We were busy.” Bucky snorted. “But he should know that's not a valid reason. He knows he can talk to us anytime.” He looked over when Steve leaned against him, and hooked an arm around his mate's shoulders. “You need to be held, Stevie? Get your Lion ass over here.”

The Wolf shifter tugged Steve tighter against his chest. “You know you don't have to ask, sugar, come on. I've been missing you, come on.”

“Thanks.” Steve mumbled. It was still difficult for him, even after being mated for a month to both Tony and Bucky, to admit when he needed to be held, when he needed Bucky to be the Alpha and take care of him. “So…Tony. What are we doing about Tony.”

“Sure. Changing the subject is fine. Not that I've noticed that the past few weeks have been hard on you and want to be there for you or anything.” Bucky nuzzled into his hair affectionately. “I think we need to climb on that bed and cuddle our mate. He obviously needs some loving to make it through today, and you do too.”

“I'm fine.” Steve protested, but he definitely pressed his face tighter into Bucky's chest.

“Sure.” Bucky comforted. “Sure. Up on the bed, honey. Partial shift for me, let me see those pretty gold eyes. Let your Lion out and I'll hold you.”

Steve promptly obeyed, pulling his shirt up and over his chest and letting the partial shift take him, eyes shading to gold and Bucky growled in approval watching the muscles ripple under all that perfect skin.

“Beautiful.” he said, and Steve flushed a little, crawling up on the bed and lying down next to Tony. The cat meowed a sleepily, little paws twitching, and Bucky nearly melted. “God, hes precious.”

“So precious.” Steve echoed, and ran his hand gently over Tony's soft fur. “You ok, sweetheart? Having a rough day?”

Another little meow that sounded more like a whimper, and Bucky was stripping off his clothes, shifting further into his Wolf and following his mate onto the bed, curling his big body around both Steve and the tiny cat.

“Hey, sweet thing.” he crooned. “Want to tell us whats wrong? Want to take the mask off and let us hold you?”

There was a long moment of just silence, then Tony slid away from the mask slowly, scooting across the bed until he was lying between their chests, curled into a little ball.

“There you are.” “Aw, little darling, whats wrong?” “Talk to us, honey.” “We’re right here, both of us.” “We love you, Tony.” “Our perfect little shifter. “Perfect, pretty little kitty.”

Tony sighed and stretched a little, then closed his eyes and started purring happily. Bucky glanced up and smiled into Steve's golden eyes.

“Come here.” he tugged at him and Steve pressed closer, nearly squishing Tony between them as he tucked his head under Bucky's chin, breathing in the comforting scents of both his mates. “That's good.” Bucky murmured comfortingly, his big arms circling both of them. “My mates. Mine. I love you both. So much.”

Tony purred louder then, and Steve definitely wasn't purring, but the Lion shifter was definitely rumbling in a soft purr-y kind of way, and Bucky just smiled and held them both a little closer, a little tighter.

Both his mates were perfect.

******************

Tony woke up sandwiched between his two mates, and happy as hell. He had told FRIDAY specifically to not let them know he’d been having a bad day, but he was absolutely thrilled they had found him. Nothing was better than waking up with both his mates in bed with him, Bucky's arms keeping them safe.

“Bucky.” he whispered. “Mate.”

“Mate.” Bucky replied sleepily and dropped his head to press a long kiss to his lips. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Better now.” Tony snuggled closer into the big Alpha.

“You should have called us. We could have come sooner.”

“You were busy.” Tony said with a shrug, and behind him Steve nuzzled his neck.“Not an excuse, honey.”

“Definitely not.” Bucky emphasized. “So whats going on?”

“Nothing. Just had a rough day. Wanted to hide.”

“Don't hide from us, Tony.” Steve cuddled up against him, laying soft kisses on his shoulders. “Not us.”

“Never us.” Bucky smiled. “Even though, seeing you wearing your mask was the cutest thing I've ever seen. Ever. And sweet thing, I have seen alot of cute kittens and puppies and I am telling you, you are the cutest.”

“Bucky.” Steve rolled his eyes. “Tony, his tail was wagging so fast it was like looking at a Labrador instead of a several hundred pound Alpha level shifter Wolf who had called me in a panic crying 911.”

“Did you call Steve in a panic?” Tony was trying not to laugh because Bucky looked just horribly affronted that Steve had told on him.

“It was just– you were so adorable. Tony, baby, my little kitten, so cute.” The Alpha shifter growled. “Mine. My litte shifter.” He glanced over at Steve. “Both of you. Mine.”

“Yours.” Tony whispered.

“Yours.” Steve repeated, his voice a little rough.

“Tony, if you’re alright, I think our mate needs some extra love today.” Bucky said with a soft smile and Tony leaned up to kiss him lightly before flipping over and jumping on Steve, raining kisses all over his face and neck, wiggling against him happily.

“Tony!” Steve was laughing, big hands resting on Tony's bare hips. “Honey, I'm fine.”

“Are you?” Bucky's voice dropped into that low rumble that he only used in bed with his mates. and Steve's eyes bled to gold. “Because I feel like you need some love.” He bent over Steve and slotted their lips together, humming in encouragement when Steve whined a little, and started panting.

“I love when he makes that noise.” Tony said, looking up from licking and kissing down Steve's chest. “That little desperate…”

“I know.” Bucky kissed him again, and laced a hand through Tony's dark hair, pushing him down lower. “Use your mouth, sugar, he loves that. Open those pretty lips.”

“Fuck.” Steve groaned when Tony grinned and wet his lips eagerly.“Hold him down.” Tony instructed. “He gets all jumpy during blowjobs.”

“Its perfect.” Bucky said soothingly when Steve flushed red. “Everything both of you do is perfect. I love you. My mates.”

“My mates.” Tony whispered and squeezed Bucky's hand.

“I love you. “ Steve started to say. “My ma—!!!” his voice shot to a shriek and Bucky kissed him so he wouldn't laugh, just because the way Steve reacted was so perfect, and the little giggle Tony gave was so perfect, and everything about life with his feline mates was… purrrrfect.

[lexiewrites]

Fic Meme 2016

The obligatory end-of-year fic meme (spend, like, an hour hunting down the one I did for 2015, only to find it in my drafts folder, ugh.)

Twilight

The Brief History of Us

A Million Blinking Promises

The Ones We Left Behind

Memento Mori

Total number of completed stories: 3 posted, 1 ready to go, which is shocking.

Total word count: Completed, posted fic: 34,000, plus another 40k of unposted works current works, and numerous scribbles and bits. 

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? Less, I was hoping on getting Hybrid ready to post, Memento Mori isnt posted because it enjoys being difficult, Aristeia’s next five chapters should absolutely have been posted. I am not a human, just a sentient pile of Writing To Dos posing as a human.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? I haven’t been particularly experimental this year, tbh. Sticking to the tried and true. I have dabbled with some Hawkeye Squared though, does that count?

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? The Brief History of Us.  That came together really well, and I got some shocker reviews for it. I think the word limit did stifle it a little, and I’m still iffy with the beta process it went through, but I like it. I still plan to one day write the entire opus. 

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?Having the confidence to pitch a novel for my honours project, based on Ricochet. LOL, what the hell was I thinking? 

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? Well, my honours project Bravura has to be written, edited, printed and bound by June LOL. I want Aristeia to continue, desperately, and I desperately want to get one of my Jan fics going, and hopefully get Hybrid off the ground. 

My best story of this year:   

My most popular story:  A Million Blinking Promises. The fact that it was the longest multichapter allowed it to be more visible than the others, though. 

 Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:  The Brief History of Us. Easily. 

Most fun story to write:  They were all about the same, tbh. I always enjoy writing. 

Most Sexy Story:  None of them are particularly sexual, tbh.

Story with the single sexiest moment:  From The Brief History of Us

 As perfect as the way she looks as he slides her gown from her shoulders—as he falls to his knees to press kisses to her, her fingers tangling in his hair. She is everything—a princess, a goddess, the axis upon which his world sits—as he sighs against the skin of her stomach, pausing only to look up at her, her eyes darkened in desire, her love wrapping around him with a new kind of certainty.

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:  None this year, shockingly enough. From the writer that brought you Aristeia and that strange ‘possessed Saturn and Uranus disembowel Neptune’ WIP, everything has been above board so far. 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:  

Hardest story to write:  The Brief History of Us, definitely. Between the word count, and trying to piece together this kind of idea I hadn’t quite pinned down, it was a struggle. 

Most disappointing:  There are some glaring issues with The Ones We Left Behind that I have to fix. 

Easiest story to write:  Memento Mori, definitely. Which is why I’m so ticked off the editing process has been so abysmal. 

Biggest surprise:  The Brief History of Us, because this is the sort of story I write a lot of, but never ever post. 

Most unintentionally telling story:  I’m going to say The Brief History of Us, even though ten years on I still have no idea what this question means. 

Story I’d like to revise:  The Ones We Left Behind; I’d like to expand The Brief History of Us too. 

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear:  For MCU, Miniature Disasters (Darcy) is due to be finished and posted, so help me god. I want to get Rebel Yell (Kate Bishop), Down but Never Out (my crazy Darcy Dark Angel/MCU xover), and perhaps Golden Girl (post CW Jan/Wanda fic) going in more than a few nebulous scenes. Elastic Hearts (Jan/Steve) needs to be finished, too. 

For Sailor Moon, This is the Way a Heart Breaks and Elephant deserve to be finished up. I’m pretty sure I lost all of my Sailor Moon files when my last laptop died, so I’m still kind of mourning everything that was amongst that, tbh. 

For Twilight, I want All These Broken Things fucking done and posted. A Thousand Years of Solitude, too, deserves to be finished up. I really want to get The Dark and the Unknown drafted, as well as the untitled Jessamine/Alice AU, the AUAH ‘tattoo’ fic finished, and get one of the large chapter fics ready to go - maybe Hybrid, but Runaway and Magnolia have equal potential there. I’m currently using The Long Way Around as the basis for some 31_days shorts, so I might leave that one for the moment. 

And, obviously, I need to get Bravura done for uni so I can graduate. Honestly, after I finished Bravura and submit it, I plan to spend the second-half of 2017 trying to find a publisher for it, and just writing fic as a reward for finishing my degree.