#and he added no clarifications or context either

[ieidolon]

My favorite wild Dracula take comes from an article that confidently asserted normative masculinity was restored by the end of the novel because the two male characters who had been personally victimized by Dracula, by which the author explicitly stated they meant Jonathan and Quincey Morris, kill him

I don't know what alternate universe this article came from but I want to read their version of Dracula so bad

[messiahzzz]

i do wonder why fandom is so insistent on proving that "gale could eventually change his mind" when it comes to fatherhood.

if children are something you ideally want in your romance - that is completely valid and luckily for you, there are several romance options in the game that can provide just that. wyll, lae'zel, and halsin. even shadowheart briefly mentions that children might be a possibility for her in the future. 4 options total that either already have entire adoption subplots or are open to the idea.

meanwhile, fandom is bending over backwards, bringing up aspects of gale's arc that are completely irrelevant to the topic at hand and claiming that any statement coming from gale or any boundary he sets should forever be questioned because... "he has been known to have inferiority issues"?!

gale is a character who is very likely in his 40s. he isn't some 20-something college boy who is still trying to figure everything out. i personally never felt like there was any point in the context of gale's relationship with tav where he was unsure about his desires. quite the contrary.

gale is also very vocal about what he wants. not wasting any time in proposing to tav after the big bad had been defeated. i am pretty sure there would have been instances where gale expressed his desire to have children (whether that may mean immediate or somewhere down the line) if larian had intended to include this aspect in his romance as well.

...but instead all we have to go on when it comes to the subject of children in general are lines like these:

player: gale... how would you feel about having another person in our relationship?

gale: what, like a child? i'm not quite sure i'd consider myself father material, plus our current lifestyle isn't exactly what i'd call settled...

tara: this is why mrs. dekarios and i will be waiting an eternity more for grandchildren.

gale: psst! shoo, tara.

nodecontext: shooing away tara like one would a naughty cat.

gale, upon spotting oliver during their game of hide and seek: ah, i have you! just a shame i don't want you.

EDIT:

adding for clarification

[secretmellowblog]

One of my favorite bit characters in Les mis is the poor random porter of Gillenormand who has to deal with Jean Valjean and Javert showing up at night with a mostly-dead Marius. He’s just so confused! He hasn’t read the first 1000 pages of Les Miserables so he has no context for Jean Valjean and Javert. He spends the entire conversation being utterly baffled.

POV: you’re just trying to sleep when you hear loud knocking at the door. Outside are two weird old men. One is a bizarre cop who seems to be operating on autopilot— he keeps mechanically saying incorrect nonsense like “here is Gilleormand’s dead’s son” even though Gillenormand has no son and the man they’re carrying isn’t dead. The other old man is some horrible-looking buff weirdo covered in sewage. They clearly have a History but you don’t know what it is.

They try to drag you into their relationship drama. One says Marius is dead, the other says nothing but exhaustedly shakes his head in disagreement in a way that makes him seem very Done with all of this. You are even more confused. You do not want to be part of this drama.

Javert addressed the porter in a tone befitting the government, and the presence of the porter of a factious person.

“Some person whose name is Gillenormand?”

“Here. What do you want with him?”

“His son is brought back.”

“His son?” said the porter stupidly.

“He is dead.”

Jean Valjean, who, soiled and tattered, stood behind Javert, and whom the porter was surveying with some horror, made a sign to him with his head that this was not so.

The porter did not appear to understand either Javert’s words or Jean Valjean’s sign.

Then you try to ask for clarification. The cop just repeats that the not-dead Marius is actually dead, vaguely says he got himself killed at the barricades—and then he very helpfully states that when people die there are funerals, as if he’s just stating a random fact he knows about death. This clarifies nothing. You finally just walk away and make it someone else’s problem. Good for you.

Javert continued:

“He went to the barricade, and here he is.”

“To the barricade?” ejaculated the porter.

“He has got himself killed. Go waken his father.”

The porter did not stir.

“Go along with you!” repeated Javert.

And he added:

“There will be a funeral here to-morrow.”

For Javert, the usual incidents of the public highway were categorically classed, which is the beginning of foresight and surveillance, and each contingency had its own compartment; all possible facts were arranged in drawers, as it were, whence they emerged on occasion, in variable quantities; in the street, uproar, revolt, carnival, and funeral.

The porter contented himself with waking Basque. Basque woke Nicolette; Nicolette roused great-aunt Gillenormand.

And then the two of them leave, and youre left with all the confusion of someone who’s been plunged into the middle of Jean Valjean and Javert’s weirdness without any of the context of Victor Hugo’s hit 1862 novel Les miserables:

The porter watched them take their departure as he had watched their arrival, in terrified somnolence.

[yelow-heart]

Hey

Just because I love young love and coming-of-age stories and cute little stories about kids first crushes

Some things we know: The EGGs aren't related. Not all of them, at least. So it's not immediately weird if the CCs and fandom think their kid might be having a crush.

It has been confirmed many times now. Some of the more concrete ones being when Bagi asked Em when they met if the Egg Island trio were related to the dragon eggs. And she said no.

Weird would be if people shipped the ones that have very explicitly established some familial bond, like Chay and Tallulah for example, or the Breakfast triplets. Pomme and Dapper. They ARE siblings. They adopted eachother as so.

In the last Cucurucho live (Right after the prison escape and button-pressioning) is where we see the actual ralation of the EGGs

So, if we're looking for dna bond or something, the EGGs would be separated as such:

Dragon EGGs: Chayanne, Bobby, Trump, Tilín, Ramón, JuanaFlippa, Dapper and Leonarda

Wall EGGs: Tallulah, Pomme and Hope/Memories

Egg Island EGGs: Empanada, SunnySideUp and Pepito

Wildcard EGGs: Richarlyson and Chun-Sik

(Too lazy to look up the actual name of their departments kkkk)

So, if the admins would like to explore an Egg's romantic orientation and coming to terms with it, or having a crush on another Egg or so and so. It's A Ok. Like, I was pretty sure Leo was finding a crush on Em. And Pomme now being outed as lesbian. Dapper realizing he might not see anyone this way.

But it's ok to want these kids to find new things about themselves. It's okay to want to see your own younger self on them, struggling to make sense of new found feelings. If the admin hints that they want that, it's ok. Not to mention how important it would be for the kids that watch qsmp and might be feeling the same things as these pixel kids.

So yeah, let the young people find love.

P.s.: A1 could be either Memories or Chun-sik, we still need more clarification on that. My gut tells me that it was Memories, but 🤷‍♀️

Update: Don't go after the CC's that didn't know any better. The admins decide what direction their characters stories will go. The EGG experiment is divided by 4 groups. We're audience, not scripters. It's all.

And yes, I am also talking about Carre teasing Pepito saying he likes Pomme. From his view, they have no relation whatsoever. And it was also funny on his context, as we know Pomme has a "much older vibe" then Pepito, like teasing your younger brother about that pretty teen girl from church.

So don't go thinking "omg Carre is pro incest amongst children, GET HIM!!" That is not how we do things here.

I moved a paragraph higher up and added this disclaimer as I know that are a lot of twt immigrants on here now. And I know on Twitter is common to go typing away and marching against ur enemies without much reading necessary. But not here. We welcome u here. But, please, learn our ways.

Here we are big fans of text interpretation, believe it or not.

(And disabling the comments if u annoy me enough. I'm a big fan of different povs and opinions, but if u see the comments got turned down, know it was due to arrogance)

[rainbownomja]

Hiya,

So I’m sure this is a long shot since I make pretty much no original content/don’t talk about myself on here much if I ever have at all. I am through and through simply fandom and general meme trash here for the vibes this hellscape (affectionate) provides.

But if there’s a chance that it’ll make even a small difference I’m gonna do this anyway.

Long story short, my cat (Soup) needs emergency surgery for a reason that surprisingly has nothing to do with any of the chronic illnesses that he has. This procedure is happening this Friday, March 10th, 2023, and will cost between $1017-$1215 as long as there’s no extreme surprises, and that payment has to be given at the time of service (or at least I have to agree to a specific payment plan at that point. But my life situation stuff means I can’t be sure if I could cover it in that amount of time either by myself (and thus know if I would be able not to incur the interest fees. This clarification was added after original posting, I apologize that this wasn’t mentioned to make clear the most accurate amount of times-sensitivity originally)

If that is all you’d like to know/need to know and you would like to help, here’s the link (if you’re particularly squeamish, skip the summary there. It’s not graphic in any way, but does provide more specific detail of what’s going on):

For those of you who’d like some more context, here it is:

In theory had this happened/had I known even a month earlier, I would’ve probably been able to afford the cost on my own, but it didn’t, so I can’t (for a lot of reasons out of my control that compounded pretty much simultaneously.)

Soup is such an essential member of my family. I am not the type of person to throw money at a battle that would only cause him pain and suffering just because I’m scared of what life will be like if (hopefully very distantly, when) I lose him. I will never be willing to harm him like that.

But this is a situation thankfully in which the risk of complications because of surgery are pretty low even with his preexisting conditions, the benefits of the surgery are very high and the probability of losing him if this doesn’t get treated at all and soon is pretty much 100% certain.

Besides what the surgery is treating, his chronic illnesses are being managed and he has many more years of happy quality life ahead of him.

So, if you happen to have anything to spare and would be willing to help me cover the cost of this surgery, and/or share this, I would be extremely grateful.

(And if you can’t or just don’t want to, know that there is no judgement here. I appreciate anyone just for reading this. And hey, if you happen to have solid memes to share please do, I honestly could use some distraction)

Here are some photos of the boi, as a treat for making it to the end.

[dear-indies]

Thank you for all the wonderful work you do for the rpc, you’re a gem <3 Kind of nervous to message you so anon it is!

I wanted to add some context for Taz Skylar being added to the pro Israel list as the linked tweet doesn’t provide much information; regardless of how this is viewed, I think an overview of events is needed. He was raising money for charity on New Years Day via Instagram by doing a half Ironman triathlon challenge in Tenerife. He chose Red Cross+Red Crescent as he wanted to primarily raise money for migrants there and they have a hand in supporting them, which was mentioned in one of his Instagram posts. Over the course of the day while actively doing the challenge, his parents were handling his social media accounts and flagged with him that followers were pointing out that Red Cross is run by the British government and directly supports Israel; clarification: they’re an independent humanitarian organisation as part of the ICRC and IFRC which operates under a neutrality clause defined by the Geneva Conventions, with a presence in both Israel and Gaza for decades prior to the war. He mentioned a few times via live videos that he wasn’t raising money with the war in mind, but followers continued to ask about his stance on the war and to choose a different charity. He put up some explanatory posts both on Instagram and Twitter which were on the side of neutrality; as he was inevitably inundated with negative comments on these posts, he disabled comments but these spilled into unrelated posts which is how the blocking started. The posts were later deleted and he temporarily locked his accounts until fairly recently.

Hey anon. First and foremost please don't call it a "war" because it's genocide and there's no "prior to the war" there's only prior to when Isr*el colonised the land in 1948, massacring Palestinians to make way for their settlements. There's a reason the resistance exists.

Back to the ask, can you please link me to the comments he made? Because right now the only one I can find is him saying that having "different views" is ok and I can't find anything where he has a neutral stance. Either way, neutrality on a genocide is an evil stance. From the information I've got, it sounds like "people were being mean to me for picking a charity which also supports Isr*el and not picking a charity that only support Palestine." Also, the fact he posted the statement on "having different opinions" and not speaking up on Palestine when he's aware the the genocide is very telling but I hope I'm missing something.

Thank you and I'm looking forward to hearing back from you.

EDIT:

[tearyeye-private-i]

Not an "ask" but I saw your post about J.W Whitten who is my uncle. He never worked "at McDonalds" after working with Jerry Lee! He ran a blues club on Beale Street in Memphis after working with Jerry Lee and continued working with other music artist such as John Phillips, Jerry Lee realized my Uncle got him a lot of gigs and asked him to come back. Facts.

You'll have to take that up with the Jerry Lee Lewis Forum. Though, I've just found out it's gone. One of the members shared that story (maybe Piet?), that's why I added it to the post.

I like how you corrected the burger joint wasn't McDonald's yet not the alleged embezzling. 😅 I will say, though, I embellished the annotations. The "(beside his broken stem)" and "(possibly McDonalds.)" It was a humorous post, years before either of their passing.

Since before I was born, the JLL forum fanboys were hard-core followers of Jerry Lee. The story is too weird and trivial, that it's unlikely it's all a lie. Yet the story is matter-of-fact and likely is missing context. Can you shed light on this?

I'd like to update the post with some clarifications added. Here are my questions:

What was the club's name? Do you mean John Phillips of the Mamas and Papas? Although J.W. didn't work at McDonald's, based on the story, did he work at a burger joint or did this club sell food? Also, would you happen to know any details of Jerry Lee and J.W. getting back together? For example, did Jerry Lee seek out J.W.?

You could send the info in another "ask," but I'll post it publicly, like this. So, feel free to remain anonymous. No personal information. No emails or numbers, for your own privacy. Just the clarifications.

[hineini]

don’t forget anything

During a discussion that transpired while many neighbours were visiting my home yesterday evening, I was asked by one if I consume the chocolate others give me if we go to a certain spot. Since I don’t remember ever having eaten any through that restaurant I simply replied that it would be relative to whether it was vegan or had dairy put in since obviously dairy isn’t something I consume. Hardly sure why it was but my father then piped up, “Don’t expect her to consume anything that contains meat or dairy.” Obviously added “or egg” too since, excuse me, I’m completely vegan; don’t expect me to consume anything that has egg among its ingredients either. Safe saying I was shocked to hear my father making it known he thought egg was dairy after I’d added “or egg” to his spoken assertion; God knows I so could have retorted through saying something linked to ovo-vegetarianhood much as I’m aware vocabulary like that is hardly known, let alone grasped, by many who consume anything and everything our species can, asked anything about allergies since many people who have dairy allergies happily consume egg without any reactions at all or opt to say something lined to my faith since Jewish religious legal sources about kashrut happily talk about egg as pareve (and thus able to be consumed during any meal, whether the food being served then is meat or dairy-emphatic). However, I managed to semi? restrain myself and simply ask my dad if chickens lactate to set him as straight as a vegan dyke can. He seemed to have success grasping that egg obviously isn’t dairy according to that easy analysis so I shouldn’t have to hear any mistaken shit once more, gently advising the others around our discussion circle that I’m on top of details and thus able to be trusted when sharing some. His tone of voice was hard for me to translate as he spoke that sentence so I’m hoping and praying he wasn’t trying to make it known it’s problematic I’m detail-oriented within any linguistic context and can thus give clarification as necessary since, excuse me, one supposedly small error can exert an enormous effect, making you write a different word than you’d meant to or putting emphasis where none was necessary. I’m honestly less than sure why it is some people want to regard egg as dairy; if you ask me it’s about as logical as making it known fish isn’t meat. Seems that brain of mine’s always thinking shit through.

[honey-sunny-bee]

Here's my hot take on the whole "Mr. Infodump" apology, and I'm going to start off by saying that

1) while I'm not speaking for every single person with ADHD and/or autism, because I know that everyone's experiences are different, I do have ADHD and personally didn't find it offensive in the slightest

2) I am not saying that Thomas is perfect. I know that he is a human being that can, has, and most likely will continue to make mistakes and accidentally say or do something offensive because he is human and doesn't know everything.

Now that that's said, here's the hot take.

Anyone who is saying that Thomas is deflecting the blame onto Roman did not comprehend the apology post.

I know that it was a big block of text, and trust me, I didn't understand the whole thing at first either, but the only times that Thomas says Roman's name are (emphasis added):

"The context of that moment, among other moments between Roman and Logan in the series, was the paralleling of myself sometimes being critical of myself for doing the exact same thing in real life."

And

"...we were narratively depicting Roman to be in the wrong for saying it."

It may not have come across that way in the video, but this wasn't him saying it was Roman's fault.

He takes the responsibility for himself in the post (emphasis added):

"However, I had no idea the term was offensive to some when used as an insult, which is something I needed to learn."

"I’ll be adding this clarification to the video description as well and will be sure to triple check any terminology used in the future. Again, I’m incredibly sorry."

Here's a link to the post so you can be sure that I didn't change any wording.

[stupid-sloot-headcanons]

As a robot fucker, can I ask for you to do some yandere Al-AN head cannons?

(Also love your head cannons! ❤️)

(Tysm! This is in an AU where the protag of BZ is Reader instead of Robin...even though I love them so much as a couple or bffs or whatever they are together. Also I'm adding a gif of AL-AN as a reference for ppl who haven't played the game so...spoilers for the end of Subnautica BZ!)

Because he's been without any real stimulation for years and years, he's curious to explore Darling's mind for memories, sensations at the moment, emotional responses, etc. It's all an influx of data from a being that he's become intertwined with thanks to their "hardware."

He doesn't really understand boundaries in a human context. He'll be searching through scattered memories of his Darling's and casually mention something they never told him about, and if they got upset that he was invading their head he'd apologize and ask for clarification about what he did that was offensive so he wouldn't do it again. (As his obsession grows though, he keeps going through memories but just doesn't comment on them to Darling)

He has a clinical view of sex and his interest in it is mainly scientific. He'd conducted a lot of research on the Sea Dragons' reproductive cycle and now that he has experienced inhabiting a human brain, he's curious about how humans seem to mate even with no intent of reproducing. He'll go through memories of his Darling touching themselves and wonder about the whole process: is it solely for the dopamine rush and endorphins they receive during orgasm? If so, there are other activities that humans engage in for a similar hormonal reaction. Perhaps he could look into it further with research now that he has a separate body. Hmm. Then again, his people aren't really built for that sort of thing. He'll try to design something that could work.

His species is implied to maybe have visited Earth in the past, so he may try to make some light conversation by mentioning what he knows of it thanks to his people's shared data. Granted, they likely visited it millions of years ago...

"I can recall some of my colleagues' early research into the marine wildlife of your planet. The region on this map, 'Texas', was a favorite spot of theirs. It was a fascinating area, with many undiscovered deep-ocean organisms in its western region."

Darling, who lived their entire life in the deserts of El Paso with approximately 0% water to speak of in the modern day: "Oh. That's nice."

He becomes protective of them for the sake of their well-being while inside their body, though when asked he'd say it's out of a mutual need for them to survive if he ever wants to get his original body back. Once he's in that body though, he's still protective of them. He'll admit at that point that it's because he worries about them--humans have such fragile bodies compared to his species, so he can't help but be cautious of Darling hurting themselves.

He would try to explain his feelings for them in human terms, even if he can't explain them very well in...well, any terms. His species are very rational, so suddenly feeling such stronger and long-lasting pathological urges is strange and foreign to him. It's sometimes confusing and stressful, but he wants to continue experiencing these feelings he gets when he's with his Darling.

Tries to make them more comfortable by adopting little human gestures (humans are very tactile and social creatures, so he wants to accommodate those evolutionary necessities even if he's a different species). He'll do the little "hand" wave he does to Robin at the end of the game, pat their head, have two of his arms hug them or rest on either of their shoulders, etc. Once he was especially bold and bent down to press his "face" against theirs as a kind of kiss, and he enjoyed it quite a bit.

[a-little-slice-of-fandom]

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the Irish-ness of Dracula, if you wanna ramble about it!

(Okay I just want to apologise for how long this took to answer because I know it’s been sitting in my inbox for over a month but..depression and work happened and I just didn’t have the time or energy to complete it. I seriously do apologise for this but I hope you enjoy the post anyway!)

So the first thing I need to clear up is this: the concept of a monster or a demon that feeds upon the life force of humans is not limited to one singular culture or folklore. In fact, this core concept is a wider cultural phenomenon and variations of it exist across both countries and continents. And no one country can take sole credit for the this core concept of vampires. Anyone who tries to claim otherwise either doesn’t know much about vampires or is intentionally being disingenuous. There can be cultural variations that are specific to certain folklores (and to just blatantly steal these would be cultural appropriation), but the main idea of vampires exists across a wide range of folklores and no singular person, group of people or culture can take credit for the creation of vampires.

However, arguably it was the work of Bram Stoker that aided in the solidification of the concept of Vampires that we know today. While there were other authors from a wide range of nationalities who wrote about Vampires before Stoker (including John William Polidori who wrote the Vampyre in 1819)...Dracula is the best known. (Now I personally believe that’s because Dracula is an absolutely banging novel, although I do concede that the prevalence of adaptations of Dracula from the 1920’s to today helps keep Dracula in the forefront of audiences minds.) In addition, it’s important to remember that Stoker was inspired by another Irish author Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, who wrote the novel Carmilla. As far as I know, Le Fanu and Stoker actually worked together on a magazine!

Another thing I think that needs clarification is the common belief that Stoker heavily/religiously based Dracula on the historical figure Vlad the Impailer. This is heavily debated by scholars. While there’s an obvious, undeniable similarity between the names of these two...the similarities start to wain after this, with only small similarities between the two and there’s even literal contradictions between the history of Vlad the Impailer and Dracula’s history in the novel. In fact, there’s not much indication that Stoker based the character Dracula off Vlad the Impailer, or even that he had a working knowledge of Vlad the Impailer beyond the name. In all 124 pages of his notes, there’s nothing to indicate that Stoker’s inspiration for Dracula came from Vlad the Impailer.

(Plus Dracula in the novel wasn’t even originally called Dracula...he was called Count Wampyr in the original drafts of the novel and this was only changed, from what I can gather, in the last couple of drafts.)

In fact, I’d personally argue that that connection between Vlad the Impailer and Dracula is actually something that’s been retroactively added by other artists, for example the 1992 film “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” heavily leaned into this idea that Dracula and Vald the Impailer were one in the same, and as time has progressed people assume that these elements were in the original novel when that’s simply untrue! Stoker didn’t write that! It’s a retroactive addition by other artists that’s just assumed by the masses to be canon. This phenomenon is actually super interesting and it’s absolutely not limited to Stoker’s novel Dracula/the modern day perception of Dracula (another example would be Mary Shelley’s version of Frankenstein versus the modern day perception Frankenstein). I’m not sure if there’s a word for what this is, but I like the term “cultural canon”, where something that’s been added in by other artists has become as good as canon within the minds of the masses and as such is ingrained within the cultural perception of something, despite it having no basis within the original piece or even directly contradicting what is in canon.

(Now I’ll absolutely concede that Stoker taking the name of a historical figure and possibly their likeness from another country and making them into a literal monster is something that should be discussed. I don’t know how Vlad the Impailer is viewed within Romania - whether he’s viewed positively or negatively or a mixture - but regardless he was a historical figure and Stoker did eventually use that name for his own creative purposes. Again, Stoker didn’t say that Dracula and Vlad the Impailer were the same person, that’s other artists doing, but there’s still issues with Stoker that needs to be discussed)

Now, I’ve seen people talk about how Stoker took a lot of inspiration from the Baltic folklore surrounding vampires for his novel, but I don’t really know this folklore very well and therefore I don’t feel like I’m qualified to discuss it. If anyone is more well versed in this topic wants to add to this post then they’re more than welcome to! I don’t deny that Stoker too inspiration from places other than Ireland (like the novel is set in Whitby) but I just feel like people over hype the relation between stokers Dracula and Vlad the Impailer.

Now, onto the Irish mythology side!

So the most obvious inspiration for Dracula comes from the story of Abhartach. here is a link to an actual, respectable retelling of the story of Abhartach which I’d highly recommend people read (it’s really not that long) but the key points go as follows:

There was this Irish chieftain called Abhartach, who was really cruel and the townsfolk didn’t really like him. So, the townsfolk and another cheiftain (known as Cathain) banded together to kill Abhartach. They did succeed in killing him (yay), however, Abhartach just sort of...rose from the dead and began another reign of terror (not yay). However, Abhartach needed to be sustained by blood and required a bowlful every day to sustain his energy. Cathain comes back and kills Abhartach once again, but Abhartach rises from the dead once more and now needs more blood. Abhartach is only banished when Cathain uses a word made from yew wood and wounds Abhartach with it. Abhartach is buried upside down with a grant stone over the grave to stop Abhartach rising once again.

Sound familiar? The similarities between Abhartach and Dracula are undeniable! Yes, there’s some differences between the two but the core story here is almost identical. I could totally reword that paragraph, omitting the names, and it would be indistinguishable from a short summary of Dracula! Even the way that the main characters find out about the wooden weapon that can kill the monster is similar, as both Jonathan and Cathain go to wiser and older members of their community to learn more.

(Also please mythology blogs don’t come for me I know my retelling was an incredible oversimplification but I’m writing on my iPad and my thumbs are starting to hurt. People have wrote full papers on the similarities between Dracula and Abhartach and there’s so many more people more qualified than me, I’m just an 18 year old trying to make a fun and interesting tumblr post. Again, if anyone wants add anything like extra sources or more information or even to point out my mistakes then I more than welcome the additions)

Another piece of folklore that’s also said to have inspired Dracula is the Dearg Due. Now there’s multiple different versions of the tale, but the version I have heard goes like this:

There’s a noble woman who wants to marry a penniless peasant boy, but her dad disapproves and wants her to marry another man who is much richer. The rich man and the noble woman were eventually married but the woman didn’t love the rich man. In retaliation, the rich man locked the woman in a windowless castle where she starved to death. The woman was buried by the locals who took pity on her, but because she was buried hungry she came back to life and drank the blood of her father and her husband as revenge. The version I heard says that the dearg due now basically wanders ireland drinking the blood of men who have hurt or wronged women (as one should) but there’s other endings to the story.

(Again is anyone has a reliable source they want to share then please feel free to add!)

So this is another Irish piece of folklore that clearly includes some elements that we now associate with vampires. Now people (including Wikipedia) claim that this story was specifically what Stoker based Dracula on, and while I definitely think that Stoker was aware of this story and took inspiration from it, I personally think that the Dearg Due inspired the concept of Dracula’s wives more than Dracula himself.

However the key point still stands: Stoker was likely aware of these legends and even the most staunchly anti-Irish person would have to concede that there’s similarities between all three stories. And very rarely are these similarities discussed in classes about Dracula...which I feel is a real disservice. I don’t think students should have to have an intense knowledge of Irish mythology (my knowledge is spotty at best) nor do I think it should be an exam question...but even a brief acknowledgment of “hey, Stoker was inspired by these stories and you can clearly see similarities between them” would be nice. Moreover, it further solidifies my original argument that Stoker was, at least to some extent, Irish and that his Irishness inherently influenced his work.

Also...the social context of what was going on in Ireland in this period can’t be ignored! Again, while Stoker did spend time in both England and Romania, he spent a lot of his life in Ireland and therefore would have known what was going on in his own country.

Dracula was published in 1897, which is exactly 50 years after the worst year of the Irish Famine/ The Great Hunger/An Gorta Mór. Now I don’t have time to do a whole history of the Great Hunger but the effects of the famine were greatly exacerbated by the horrific mismanagement of Ireland by the British government and the British system of ruling in Ireland. How many people died during the famine isn’t clear, but we do know that the population of Ireland at the time was 8 million and the population today is 6 million...200 years later and we still haven’t recovered. So while we all like to joke about the fact that Stoker wrote about an unfeeling member of the aristocracy literally feeding off others with no remorse and basically ruining their lives...are we really going to pretend that there isn’t social commentary there? Scholars specifically think that Stoker was commenting on the absentee landlords (basically British aristocrats who owned land in Ireland but didn’t live there and as such didn’t care about the well being of their tenants) who would often have tenants forced off the land when they couldn’t pay rent...despite the fact that their tenenants were already starving and had no money because their only source of food and income failed.

(I’m not being shady by the way, I also love to joke about the social implications of Dracula, but I feel like people forget that the jokes have actual points behind them)

There was also a cholera epidemic in Ireland in 1832 which is generally accepted to be one of Stoker’s biggest inspirations. You can read more about the epidemic here if you wish, but I’ll summarise what I feel are the key points. Not only was Stoker’s mother from county Sligo and lived through this cholera epidemic, but Stoker also asked her to write down her memories of the epidemic and used her accounts to aid in his research of the cholera epidemic. Now the fact that he was actively researching this should indicate that it would influence his work, especially considering the situation in county Sligo was incredibly morbid. There’s accounts of the 20 carpenters in Sligo town being unable to make enough coffins to keep up with the amount of people dying, resulting in hundreds of dead bodies just lying on the street. However, the most horrific account from this epidemic was the stories of terrified nurses placing cholera patients into mass graves while they were still alive. Stoker himself literally stated that Dracula was “inspired by the idea of someone being buried before they were fully dead”. So while at first there seems to be very little relation between the novel and a medical epidemic, it quickly becomes clear that Stoker’s fascination with this historical event influenced his writing.

My overall point is that Stoker’s irishness inherently influenced his writing. Writers don’t write in their own little bubble, divorced from the world around them, their views and work are shaped by their position in society and their upbringing (it’s why I dislike death of the author as a literary theory). So when people try to claim that Dracula is a piece of British literature...it indicates either a lack of understanding of the context in which Stoker was writing in or a wilful ignorance founded on colonialist ideas. His influences are so obvious to me as an Irish woman but they rarely get discussed, and even if they are it’s seen as overreaching! To call Dracula British literature and to ignore the inherent Irishness of the novel does a great disservice to Stoker!

Anyways I really hope you enjoyed this discussion my love! Once again I apologise for how long this took to write. Also I’m sorry if this comes off as argumentative or anything, that absolutely wasn’t my intention, I just have a particular style of writing long posts haha.

[in-silks-and-flesh-and-leather]

omg darling, what did just happen????¿??

hahsksnksjslsk I opened tumblr and everyone is killing each other 😳

Oof. This is going to be long, darling. I hope you’re sitting a in comfortable position.

To start, what happened (from what we know so far): AD and LF, a Portuguese actress, were shooting a scene for TMWKDQ. For the scene, he kept getting up from a chair forcefully and the chair would touch her, which she thought was rude.

However.

On a podcast, she said that he camouflaged his aggression with a chair and that was enough for people to go off. (She also said previously she does not like him, which I think provides some necessary context, and she mentioned some other things about his privilege on set, but these pale in comparison with the physical assault claim.)

One side took this verbal vague post as gospel, interpreting it to mean that he smashed a chair over a woman and he was so important and rich and white and male that the set applauded, so they started attacking AD, saying either they knew he was evil all along or saying how we need to believe women and anyone who feels like a victim. Evidence? Critical thinking? Due process? Don’t know her.

The other side decided that the guy they thirst after couldn’t possibly do anything wrong and war broke out.

Since then, we have received clarification and we knew all along that the interview was poorly translated to begin with and a lot of people are backpedaling now.

But here’s my issue.

One side decided that anyone who didn’t blindly believe a post from Reddit and didn’t immediately join an angry mob to tear AD limb from limb for his crimes was a monster.

The other side treated their throbbing orifices as a veritable Spidey sense and claimed that their fav could never be guilty of anything.

But perhaps worst of all, so many people tried to have it both ways; making five paragraph ‘official statements’ on their blogs, making it all about themselves, how they feel, their experiences, trying to gain sympathy and social brownie points, indirectly condemning AD and discrediting LF at the same time.

And now so many of them are trying to rewrite history, still making posts where they’re virtue signaling and making it all about how they and their wise opinion are the main focus of all of this.

A small handful - you know who you are and I love you <3 - kept their wits about them, said that we needed clarification and more information and didn’t stoop to baseless speculation.

My issue in all of it is that it is profoundly disappointing.

The last two days have shown the worst of Tumblr and Twitter and they are embarrassing moments, but to be fair, most days are embarrassing on these platforms because too many people are self-serving invertebrates who will say anything in an attempt to make themselves look good.

Obviously, I had my own opinions about the issue, but I value logic and facts over my selfish feelings, so I acted accordingly and didn’t talk out of my ass, which I can’t recommend highly enough to the few people that I haven’t blocked and that might see this post.

*

And btw, is your exam done? <3

[parachutingkitten]

Season 5 Analysis

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I am going to be applying the concept of criticism to a TV show you presumably love and adore as much as I do. If you do not want your idea that the show is immaculate to be challenged, I would not advise reading past this point.

Additional Disclaimer: This includes criticism of Nya’s arc, so if you’re the type of person to get catty about this subject, turn back now.

Mood for this season: It’s spoopy time.

You don’t need to, but if you are interested, and haven’t seen my analysis of past seasons, you can find those here:

Pilot - Season 1 - Season 2 - Season 3 - Season 4

You can also find all of these, and future installments, on my blog using the tag #analysis 

Hey everyone! I’m still doing these things! Let’s see, when was my last one? Over two years ago...? Yikes, I owe y’all an apology. I really didn’t mean to put these off that long. Anyway, get ready to hate me, cuz although (for the most part) this seems to be the fandom favorite season… I think it’s overhyped. I know, don’t kill me. I’ll explain myself. I don’t think it’s bad or anything, it’s very well structured, but I definitely wouldn’t rank it among my favorites. First, for a little context, I am making a one second of every ninjago episode video right now, so I’ve been binging the series and all it’s shorts back to back, so I think I’ll have a bit more to say about connective tissue between seasons, and hopefully you guys can look forward to more of these analyses between now and the new year when I’m releasing that video. I’m also officially a film major now so… sorry if I come of as extra pretentious or get too deep. Anyway, let’s jump into the thick of it, shall we? 

Plot

This is probably the area I have the fewest number of complaints about. This season has a breakneck pace and it keeps everyone busy. I think that’s why people like it. Everyone’s favorite has something to do. Which brings me to the question… which ninja’s season is this? Lloyd is on a lot of the promotional stuff, but he’s possessed and out of the picture for over half the season, so that can’t be right. Cole turns into a ghost, and the season is a ghost season, but that can’t be right cuz I don’t know that I’ve ever heard anyone claim it was his. Nya reaches her true potential, maybe it’s hers? Well, she does have a large b-plot, but she is consistently not a part of the a-plot. Kai has a whole thing with being protective of Lloyd, he has his fear of water, maybe it’s just another Kai season? Thing is, it’s no one’s. It is an ensemble season, and I think that’s a healthy thing for ninjago to keep doing. The more we label certain seasons for certain ninja, the more complaining we’ll get about who’s turn it is for screen time that we’ll miss out on telling a good story. Also, If the season is focused on a ninja you don’t like, you are less likely to like the season (see my next analysis for that can of worms). Again, this season tells it’s story really well. Morro directly ties into the ending of last season, and Nya’s getting water powers was foreshadowed the season before. That’s some cool connective tissue to start. The opening episode establishes the three different things the ninja will be looking for, and for once they’re actual tools instead of a series of weapons, blades, masks, whatever. I like that. Jay has some really good humor, Zane has his speech changes, Kai has his irrational fears and protective instincts, Cole has his ghost angst, Lloyd has to deal with his father’s passing, Nya is a new water ninja, Wu has a shop to run and a student to reconnect with, even Ronin has an arc about developing morals and gaining friends. There’s the mystery about how to deal with the ghosts, what the rules are, there’s the leader subplot, the ninja’s money situation, and lore of the different realms, they even worked in Skylor and Borg, there’s a lot of cool stuff going on. This is a tightly woven script that manages to include a lot of new concepts that you get pretty quick. I don’t feel like there’s even that much fat to cut. The opening is a little slow and strange, and the cloud kingdom episode feels a little unnecessary, but I do like the idea of visiting a different realm early in the season so the audience isn’t caught off guard in the climax. Again, the plot all works for me, it’s the other stuff I find myself pretty meh on.

Characters

Ronin

I’m pretty sure Ronin is the only new (non villain) character introduced. I like him a lot. Ninjago needed a true wildcard to shake things up and be unpredictable. I also think he’s pretty nicely woven into the action of the plot. I think his introduction is a bit strange. Like, the ninja already know him, but we’ve never seen him before? Just the way they talk about him sounds like they’re quickly recapping who this guy is for those who missed previous episodes. It’s fine if the ninja already know him but either 1) Introduce or foreshadow him a season earlier or 2) Introduce their dynamic to the audience before it becomes plot relevant. Maybe the ninja are grumbling about him being a nuisance while tea shenanigans are going on or something. Or maybe you have a scene of him stealing the scroll and making snarky remarks about the ninja while he does it. Idk. just something so his sudden plot relevance isn’t out of nowhere. Also, I don’t hate his and Nya’s dynamic, but I know a lot of people love it, and I’m just not totally here for it. Is he supposed to be a father figure for her? Mentor? Frienemy? Just plain friend? (love interest???) it’s not super clear and I could have used some clarification. I also like his use and tie to the next season, so overall, well integrated character.

Nya

I’m adding in Nya here cuz she goes through a major character change, and how she’s handled is one of the things that rubs me the wrong way about the season. A lot of people will probably disagree and/or hate me for this section of the analysis so… here we go! The thing she has to get past to reach her true potential is fear of failure (supposedly) and the solution to that is to just… not care as much? First of all, I know this isn’t supper important, but the fun thing about the ninjago elements is that every elemental master matched up personality wise with their element. Jay is the energetic master of lightning, Kai is the hothead master of fire, Zane is the calm and calculating master of ice, Cole is the strong and dependable master of earth, Lloyd is the literal child master of energy. This especially goes for all the new season 4 masters. So what qualities are often associated with water personalities? Well, serenity, control, flexibility, elegance, patience… calm. You know, like a Zane type character (the element directly adjacent to hers). These are things that Nya isn’t - or at the very least don’t define her. (there’s also something to be said about water and its ties to more feminine qualities, which Nya has been actively shown to reject, but I won’t go into that rant here.) She was designed as the fire master’s sister, and when you try to fit a fire personality into a water shaped character mold… it doesn’t exactly mesh well. It doesn’t make sense. But, like I said, whatever. Maybe that’s the point? Like she has to change her personality to be more in tune with water? Sure. But let’s talk about this fear of failure thing. Because that’s the stated thing that dialogue tells us she needs to overcome. But when has Nya ever been afraid of failure? Fear of failure means avoiding doing something because of fear. Nya is ridiculously persistent, always has been (you know, fire personality). She tries training when no one tells her to, she makes her own alter ego to try and be a hero and save the people who would constantly tell her she wasn’t ready. Wu says she only wants things that come easy, but that’s never been her character before now, she has carried the team with her tech, research, and covert ops that no one forced her to do, all things which are not easy. Fear of failure is usually characterized by what if questions. If Nya is so afraid of failure, why don’t we hear her saying stuff like “but what if I’m not strong enough, what if I can’t save them in time, or worse, what if I lose control of my power and end up hurting people?” Cole shows much more of a fear of failure this season surrounding his insecurity about being a ghost. He wants to sit out from missions because he’s not sure he’ll be able to do it - he’s afraid of failure. But whatever, the writing isn’t clear at expressing her true setbacks, but she does display a real problem that a lot of people have and I think could have been well done if set up correctly. She shows an undying persistence that gets her too close, and makes her increasingly incapable. She lets her frustration hinder her progress (again, fire personality trait), and I think that’s interesting because I don’t think ninjago has done this character arc yet. The supposed solution to this problem is that she just needs to… care less? And yes, I kind of see where they were going with this, we sometimes cloud our natural potential by thinking about it too much, but saying “you need to stop caring” is the absolute wrong way to word it. Caring is not her problem, the problem is her control over the emotions that come from her caring. Caring is a good thing, and teaching kids that if you’re ambivalent about your problems, they’ll go away is not a good message. What she needs to do is take a step back. She needs to take a break, stop to think, and look at the big picture instead of hyper focusing on the roadblock directly in front of her. The usual and much better wording of the moral I think they were going for is “stop overthinking things”. Teaching kids to look at a problem from a different angle and give themselves time to cool down is a great thing. And just think of it, in the climax she could have this ah-ha moment where she steps back and looks at the bigger picture - the whole town, surrounded by the ocean - and gets the idea to sink the preeminent into the water, you could even easily tie that back into the bucket exercise, and that’s what triggers her true potential rather than the current… I’m honestly not sure what. Random flashbacks and the end of the season approaching quickly. Alternatively, you could tie it more directly into samurai x, and make her struggle with letting go of the past and allowing yourself to give up something good in your life to progress to something better. Anyway, I don’t think this was a bad decision long term, she needed to be solidified on the team as a full fledged ninja, I just think this season doesn’t handle the transition that well. Anyway, whatever, I’ll be waiting for your hate comments in the notes.

Romance

Um… there’s none this season? Like there’s a few Wusako moments that are still as weird as they were in season 2, but they’re really not prevalent. There’s also the Jay seeing the future thing which has some weird implications next season (again, some interesting connective tissue between seasons), but that’s about it. Maybe that’s part of why I don’t love this season? Like where’s the pixane? Lol, I’m kidding. But maybe that’s why a lot of people do like it. If you don’t like the canon ships… this is a nice little safe haven for you. Rare for a majority of the series.

Villains

So Morro is a good idea… in theory. I know he’s the fandom’s favorite edgy boy, but idk I think the brand of angsty teen they ended up with was more of an angsty 13 year old than 17 year old. His voice is really grating and I always want to yell at him to just… go get some cough drops. Stop throat screaming, use your diaphragm man! Also, everyone goes on about his last minute redemption, but as far as season 5 goes, he has like half a second of a change of heart. Literally, when Wu comes over and he’s drowning, he’s still being a persistent little idiot like “you never cared about me nooooo!” and it’s only at the last possible second that gives him the crystal, and even that he does it kind of saltily. The preeminent is pretty cool, I like her concept, her design, all that. All the other ghosts are fine I guess. Nothing super memorable out of them, although their aesthetic, especially when there’s a bunch of them swarming around is pretty cool. One last thing was I never understood how Morro “becoming the green ninja” worked and what exactly it was that… did for him? Like he didn’t actually get the power of energy, right? I don’t remember him using it. Did just him defeating Lloyd make him the green ninja? How does that transfer work? And why did he need it to take over the world or realms or whatever? Like I get that it’s supposed to give him more power and what not but idk, it wasn’t super clear. That’s a minor thing though.

Climax

Pretty cool. I like the ATMOSPHERE. Green light is a hard thing to use and justify correctly, but it works really well here, especially with the dark kinda gray blue sky complimenting it. When the preeminent starts walking into the ocean, it’s genuinely terrifying, but you understand exactly how it works and why she’s strong enough to do it. Nya’s true potential is again a little out of left field and could have had some better motivation put behind it. Like what is it Nya learned in that instant? To not be afraid to protect people? She’s… been doing that. Idk. I’ve hit on that enough for now. Overall, there was good variety. I like the green ninja fake out, I like the realm hopping, I even like the little Garmadon visit and Lloyd getting the robe. I feel like we didn’t need a part one and two, you could have had different titles. I mean come on. But hey, now we know, if Pix had only been there, the whole climax would have been wrapped up in like 10 minutes apparently. Pix for the win.

Humor

Really good. Like I’m surprised how much I laughed. Jay wasn’t annoying humor, it was good stuff, there were some good running gags, there’s a solid fourth wall joke about who the lead ninja is at the beginning of the season. Overall, I am pretty impressed. My favorite joke was perhaps the bit where Jay is sarcastically positive, the voice acting is just really solid. Then again, there’s also the whole Borg scene where he roasts half the ninja, that’s solid stuff right there. There’s just some really solid character interaction this season and the humor feels a lot more natural and less forced.

Drama

Okay, we’ve got a lot this season. Y’all know how I feel about Nya’s arc by now. It does not work for me. Ronin’s relationship with her is alright, but kind of comes out of nowhere. Ronin’s solo plot about kinda working for the ghosts works. Cole’s ghost angst works for the most part, although I wish he would have actually skipped a mission and then gone in to help save his friends once they can’t do it without him. That was probably the most solid drama of the season. The other main thing we have this season is Kai’s whole… fear/protective streak. This also doesn’t really work for me. Like, I get that Lloyd and Kai are friends and stuff, like his whole true potential was centered around Lloyd. But like, why does it have to be framed so weirdly? Sometimes in trying to make it seem like Kai is protective of him, it seems like the other ninja just like… don’t care about him? Not all the time, but there are some weird vibes. Also, it doesn’t really go anywhere. No one learns anything about themselves from this subplot, nothing comes of it, there isn’t really a payoff. Also, Kai has yet another irrational fear, this time of water, which really comes right the hell out of nowhere. They try to explain it away like “Oh, Kai feels powerless and so water can get to him” but like… what? That’s the exact situation he was in at the end of season 2 and he seemed perfectly content to literally swim across the ocean (which um… what do you mean the sworn protector of ninjago can’t swim?). Where is this coming from?! Again, it doesn’t really go anywhere, there’s not a point where he has to learn to confront it or he grows because of it. It’s just pointless stuff added cuz the writers like giving Kai vague trails to try and develop him. The cloud kingdom is kinda cool. That last minute twist about them working with Morro is… stupid and unnecessary though. 

Spotlight Episode

I really like the Spinjitzu master tomb episode. Some cool riddles, I like the first two rooms a lot. I do think the third room is a bit strange. Like, the clue was “don’t look ahead” and the solution was to look beneath them, which is the exact same solution as the previous room. Like, you already have magic ice that shows the future, why not play into that? Don’t look ahead could maybe mean don’t look to the future, the opposite of that being the past. Maybe they have to draw on their past adventures to solve it somehow? Learning from the past is a good lesson, right? But overall, I really like it. Some real solid humor this episode. This episode has the sarcastic Jay optimism, Kai totally stalling for time, Zane dealing a pretty sick burn on Cole, just a lot of fun stuff. I like it. It just has great energy and nothing feels like it’s drawn out for too long.

Misc

The aesthetic this season… can be inconsistent, but the main ghost vibe displayed in the opening theme is really solid and I really like it

Speaking of the opening, Ghost wip is great and the opening in on par with last season’s (which is my fav) for sure

Ice age references… okay.

Chima references…. OKAY...

Okay, but like Deepstone can… kill ghosts? Or not? Is it just something ghosts can touch? It’s supposed to be like water in weapon form, right? Like that’s how I understood it when they first introduced it. Wouldn’t the deepstone bars kill Ghoultar then? And then like, Cole’s bike is made of deepstone. He uses it as a weapon. Wouldn’t it kill him? It kills other ghosts when they touch it. How… how does it work?! I need answers!!!

The captain of the steam boat says they’re going as fast as possible, but later Ronin comes in and cranks it up like twice as fast… that always bothered me like, why would he lie about that? Who is this captain and why is he so chill about everyone’s lives?! And then later Wu cranks it up yet again, like the ship had slowed down to it’s previous speed. What the hell is happening with the controls of this ship???

So pissed that the nasty CGI nightmare cloud monster that chases the ninja is named Nimbus. Totally forgot about that. I have an OC with a cat named Nimbus… I promise, there is not going to be a stupid twist bout the cat being the monster thing in Mists of Fate. That would be very stupid.

I was all excited that season 13 gave us minecart chases, but I totally forgot season 5 gave us one first. I really like the return to the caves of despair btw, good reuse of a known location.

How many times this season did we do the: 

Kai: Oh, I don’t like water, I can’t do it uwu  Cole: ...You serious?

Thanks for reading! And if you got this far… I don’t know. I would love to hear your thoughts if you have any! These are just my opinions, so don’t think too much of it if you disagree.

-Kitten

[kiloxy]

Ngl Fools gold by One Direction gives me major Dnf vibes and a little bit of Fwt vibes

YES TO BOTH! Also love one direction omg. Funny enough I had this one on repeat when writing a chapter in my fic. So I def think it fits dnf, as well as Fwt. (Also sorry this took like two days to get out lmao)

So basically this song is just chef’s kiss, perfect for like some of the baity shit that goes on with dnf. This song analysis honestly got a bit real and angsty so fair warning. 

“And yeah I've let you use me from that day that we first met“

This can go either way for one of them using the other for bait. Cause you can’t deny early on things were mainly all bait and just fun and jokes. So in a way part of their relationship was using each other, whether it was for the entertainment of their audience, for stronger bits, or just to draw attention. But I think they were both in on it really. I can’t imagine either of them agreeing to the baiting if the other wasn’t comfortable. 

“But I don't regret, Falling for you”

They’re best friends, if there are feelings ultimately there’s not going to be regret. They already mesh so well and enjoy spending time together. Being in love almost appears like a natural step for their relationship to take. As even as friends they’ve got a fairly special relationship. So yeah, when it comes down to the acceptance of feelings, despite the odd situation they’re in considering their relationship has been somewhat of a joke, I think that neither will regret falling in love. Maybe initially, but I can’t see it being the final opinion on being in love. 

 “Fool's gold”

And here we are, the line that did this in as a dnf song for me. So for clarification if you don’t know what fool’s gold means when used as a phrase like this here is a description I pulled from here: 

“If you say that a plan for getting money is fool's gold, you mean that it is foolish to carry it out because you are sure that it will fail or cause problems.” 

Basically fool’s gold is something that appears as gold but isn’t, and it’s not valuable. When something is called fool’s gold it’s alluding to the fact that something may appear real/valuable but is in reality worthless. 

Ha now in terms of Dream and George’s relationship well, this is a bit sad but,

 If this started out as a joke, then it’s quite tragic to think that if say, Dream has feelings, this relationship may just be fool’s gold to him. From their stream moments the relationship appears like gold, it’s worth something, something of substance and value is there. But, the hard truth is that it started off as bait, a joke, so it is nothing of truth or value. At least that is how it could appear to Dream if they’re not on the same page. 

In context of what’s going between them now well... Considering how Dream had felt distaste towards dnf being used so much as a joke in jackbox, and then his peculiar silences after George flirting (don’t worry I am making a post that will further delve into this) this ‘fool’s gold’ idea may be something on his mind. As in he may be seeing the relationship as something like fool’s gold. Anyway moving on before I make myself sad. 

“I'm the first to admit that I'm reckless.”

I think Dream was a bit reckless in his open boundaries with this all, mainly his engagement in dnf. Now I am not saying there’s anything wrong with the boundaries he set, I can not judge them as everyone’s boundaries are personal and should be respected. I am saying though that it may be reckless of him to involve himself so much in dnf content. I think it would be hard for anyone to not confuse themselves seeing many people discuss/explore their feelings. 

“And I knew that you turn it on for everyone you met.”

This is just a fun one considering George collects simps faster than I collect mental illnesses. /hj (disclaimer I use humor to cope). But this does make me think of jealous Dream and how he really is out here vying for George’s attention. Which honestly without romantic feelings is hard because they’re best friends and are very close. With romantic feelings, and the unsure place their relationship is in, it’s uh, putting it lightly, not a fun situation. 

Anyway that concludes this song. Thank you lovely Anon for this one! I quite enjoyed this analysis. I think it took a very oddly somber tone? But in a good way I hope. Perhaps shining some light on the possibilities of their relationship.

It has been added to the playlist. 

[t4tvglow]

response to the warning post under the cut.

EDIT [11:19 PM 12/10/21] i'm not planning to discuss this with anyone who isn't involved, as both myself and the creators of the document agree that that was never the point of making it. the point is one i fully recognize, and i have been spending the last few hours talking to the person who created the blog and the post (as well as some others), and i was given this to put up as some proof that it IS being resolved as we speak.

[ID: a discord screencap that reads: "im purple the only mod of the shantymanwarning blog and the situation with ron has been largely resolved and while forgiveness is still a bit far for a lot of the people involved we all recognize he plans to take accountability and continue improving behavior in the future" /end ID]

i am still posting the apology that i had issued to all of them all a while ago for full transparency, and so it can be linked in their document. no one wanted this to blow up in the first place, and so i think we would all appreciate being able to collectively move forward and leave as much of this behind us as we can.

one apology i am adding above the rest now that i have been made aware is directed at those who have had testimonies to share through asks and tags. i don't know who all of you are (i have no intention of snooping) but i am sure that what you've shared is legitimate and i'm sorry for whatever aspect of my behavior has caused you harm. hopefully the rest of this post can at least give some peace of mind to those of you who still deserve some.

here goes nothing.

--------

TL;DR - i am genuinely about to take responsibility for most of the things in that document, as i am fully aware that i’ve been people i’m not proud of. any contesting i present is generally going to be just correcting facts (like my eye color) and pointing out that specifically one of the accounts given is verifiably lacking some important context and truth.

in no way is my explanation of those things to detract from the responsibility i am taking for the rest, or trying to distract from the discussion, nor does it take away from my apology. if any response to a particular topic feels incomplete or like i missed something, it is accidental, and i’m more than willing to address anything i missed if you just bring it up to me. i’m trying to touch on everything.

as another disclaimer, i’m probably not going to be very articulate right now, but i’m going to try my best. i’m sure i’ll be confronted about this again in the future and i’ll have sat on it enough to word myself more cleanly but i want to make a few things clear as i go. i understand how it looks that the clarifications are one of the first things to be said in this post, and i just want to point out that that’s solely because i tackled this chronologically while i was reading.

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i can and will absolutely confirm that all this time ago, no, i wasn’t a particularly stable and healthy person and while i don’t remember a good chunk of the specific things i might’ve said and done, i know i’m not proud of it and that i owe people apologies beyond what i can verbalize.

i do have to clarify that the testimony given about blue’s departure from the server is not entirely honest. i don’t believe this is an intentional act of malice, but rather a result of honest misremembering and stress. either way, i’m just going to clarify so it’s out there, but i’ve since spoken with one of you guys and smoothed this part out on my end.

if you want to ask someone for that information, feel free to message @/irradiatedsnakes or @/ofdreamsanddoodles. it’d be understandable not to believe me, but hopefully the integrity of others can stand.

i’m going to include the message that ren sent them to kick them out of the server, which clearly states that it was on behalf of two heavily uncomfortable people of color within the server who aren’t even me.

[ID: a discord screencap that reads: “alright so. i want to preface this by saying that this is not a warning, and it is not up for debate. at the same time, none of this is intended to attack you, call you a terrible person, or anything else of that nature. our highest priority is member safety. i also apologize for being fairly stiff -- i'm currently co-con with an alter who generally takes over when things require this level of frankness and clarity. 

 after having been approached by those impacted the mods of the gaybeehood have all talked and elected to remove you from the server. i'm sorry to do this so abruptly, but in the mind of the mods there's not any reason to wait. all of us would like this addressed sooner rather than later, for your own benefit as much as ours.

the reason for this comes back to the public discussion of snuff films as a special interest, and the conversation you and [pink square] had about it. [pink square]'s experience as a black person heavily informs how the subject triggers them, and when they approached you about that, they felt dismissed and like their own traumas were being disregarded -- they explicitly stated that tagging does not actually change the fact that someone in their circle takes interest in something so deeply connected to violent antiblackness, and among the mods, [red square] felt similarly when it comes to anti-indigenous racism. they shouldn't have to use their traumas to justify their discomfort, but regardless being dismissive of that is deeply inappropriate.

https://vampirecrabs.tumblr.com/post/649743953685528576/milfgerrykeay-the-what-elaborate-i-thought-youd this post is also a part of the issue. it's racially charged for one thing, and for another, talking so openly and casually about child death. two asian children being taken advantage of and killed is not a quirky story to post publicly.

at the end of the day, the biggest problem here is insensitivity to our members of color and other members who have survived traumas connected to the fetishization and commodification of violence. i understand that because of your own traumas it may be something done in effort to cope with things, but you are not the only one who has survived things that relate, and those people feel unsafe after this. because the safety of our members is important and because of how much this triggered people, we elected to take immediate action.” /end ID]

this is the actual reason that they were removed, not because i randomly decided i didn’t like them anymore and wanted to make fun of them. i actively didn’t think i was the right person to handle it, because i admittedly didn’t really know what to say and i wanted to actively avoid the risk of falling into old patterns that are outlined later on in the document, and in this post.

this much, however, is a neutral statement: blue’s testimony is lacking information that came up afterwards. this is not their fault! they couldn’t have known before they left (though there is a whole post about that, too, and we know they read it because they approached someone about it to share their own story with him. i’m still going to give some level of benefit of the doubt and just explain it here.) 

the age gap RP thing in particular has been already brought up as having been something i was abused and gaslit into and through. i have a bunch of evidence of conversations with seraf that expressed Why i never was okay with that, trying to make it Not happen, and the way i was steamrolled by him. some of it even happened in public and others can also verify that.

the other person who pointed it out was not wrong! i’ve struggled with thinking of a way to apologize to THEM for ages. the things seraf did were abhorrent and i am not the only person who saw it happen, or who suffered it, including blue. seraf actively preyed upon my abuse history and recreated a situation i spent three years dying in, so i’m not going to "admit” to that situation being my idea or my preference or some kind of secret vice when i was in agony the entire time and i am still not okay after everything he put me through.

what i will admit to fully is the weakness of still engaging with him. i’ll admit to rolling over and compromising my principles. by trying to protect him, i was putting forth beliefs i do not hold and never did, but that no one could know that when all they see is my defense of someone i thought was my friend. the foot i put forward was a bad one, and my desperation to remain in HIS good graces doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, i still let it happen.

though to be clear, no inappropriate content took place that could even be remotely described as pedophilia. i DO have every single receipt from that entire time, as well. he even knew i was dubious about RP in general (because i’d quit after all the other stuff in here) and curated that experience to be just as traumatizing as things that happened to me when i was a teenager myself.

but blue could not have known what conversations took place after their departure from the server, so, again. this is just me stating what happened, not saying that part was intentionally left out. i just want you guys to know that, and that you can ask about it if you need to, as well.

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so, while this specific event did not go the way that the other ones cited in this document did, those WERE very honest and i am going to confirm them. and the clarifications about blue’s account still involve an apology! it’s not “all lies,” it was just omitting some things that should be said. there are still things here i owe them a serious apology for and i am doing so now.

with the girlfriend bit: i’m sorry. the way the story was presented, it looked like you were feeling miserable and betrayed and wanted out. i responded according to the information i was given, as did everyone else who was part of that, and i’m glad that you two worked it out. i am aware of my propensity to cut things off and disappear, and that’s not something i should advise others to do. i’m sorry for falling back on that when i should have just stayed quiet when i didn’t know what else to say to you.

i also don’t remember the flying you out to new york comment either but i’m pretty sure it was one of those “just what you say” things that all of us were resorting to after being made to feel helpless and even complicit, too. i was not serious about that, i was literally just lost on things to offer you as comfort when you were not taking a single person’s advice. you were never obligated to, but what else could anyone say? so actually, in this vein, i’m sorry for “just saying” that.

the “cult following” thing is. also a lot. considering i do not even remotely go into anything with that intention. i would be far more content to stay in my private corner of things and not engage with the majority of people, and in that space i’ve done a Lot of work on myself that pretty much anyone who’s been there through it all can verify. i don’t consciously take advantage of people who want my approval, it scares me SHITLESS when that seems to be the case. 

but i will say that seeing it laid out like this gives some perspective that i had clearly not considered, and i won’t diminish the impact it must have had to lead up to this. i am going to better examine how i conduct myself in groups based on this, because it’s the last thing i want.

you guys don’t have to know how much i have changed over the course of all this time or where i started in order to make the comparison, i won’t sit here and tell you all of that in detail, because it doesn’t matter. what is evident is that i still have a long way to go. whether the kicking of blue from the server is being honestly relayed or not, THIS has credence and i’m going to address it. 

i’m very intimately aware with the things i’ve done wrong, and like we have all said, intentions don’t matter when the result hurts. but if you’re approaching this as you said, with the sole intention of bringing this to an end, then i am going to say thank you for at least stating that you don’t think i did this with intent to cause harm and i hope that you believe me now.

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but now to the other stuff.

i will take full responsibility for the things that happened 3-4 years ago because i do not know, like, or respect my past self enough to pretend that i didn’t hurt people, whether intentionally or otherwise. 

i’ll say it as many times as i have to, to be sure that it’s clear where i stand and that i’m not fighting with you. you have made sincere claims, and i am confirming the ones that i can, apologizing for them, and vowing from the bottom of my heart that the guy in these stories is not here anymore. not in this way.

okay just got to green’s. hi. yeah no that relationship was the worst mistake i’ve ever made in my life and to this day i’m sick about it. i’m not even going to defend myself there because it genuinely keeps me up at night and i refuse to justify it, we all made a lot of excuses to act like it was okay but it really wasn’t comfortable for anyone (including me!) it was most of us being stuck deep in borderline hell where we attached to validation we got from each other and that’s no excuse on my part as the older party.

i had my own experiences dating with that age gap (where i was the younger) that weren’t terrible compared to even smaller ones where i WAS hurt by the older party, and i think i just had the idea that i wasn’t like them and i meant well. this is obviously flawed logic and it does not matter at the end of the day, because we were in different stages of life and i did the wrong thing by allowing it to continue. 

that is something i would give anything to undo, and i know i can’t, so i’ve just moved on and let those people move on far away from me because it is no one’s job to oversee someone else’s growth after they’ve done them wrong. i make every apology for that that i can. 

also, looking at these screencaps of things i said, yeah! i won’t pretend i didn’t used to talk like that, and it disgusts me to see, too. i’m not gonna say i have not been toxic before, that i have not talked behind people’s backs before, and that i have not made poor judgment calls when it comes to the standards i’ve held people to. these are all things that have been wrong with my behavior before and i have been actively working on in places that the people who made this document haven’t been able to see, so they couldn’t be expected to know. that doesn’t mean i’ve perfected it, either, it just means i’m aware and i’ve been trying and there are people who can corroborate that.

the bakugou edit: yeah no that was fucked up 100% on my part and i was not yet educated enough on things that i should have been. this was three years ago, and it is not at all reflective of my views and behavior now. i own up to these things, i regret these things, i DID make that mistake of an edit and i never have again because i learned from it. i can see now as well that the way i handled it was poor, the one message to green about the passive aggressive re-editing doesn’t contain a mention of the colorism involved because i don’t think i had been conscious enough of it at the time to see anything but what felt like a personal dig that was unrelated to my ignorance. i see now and i don’t think i can even voice exactly how sorry i am for that, how disgusted i am with myself, and how you have every right to be pissed off for that despite how long ago it was. all i can do is swear that it’s something that was left back there.

[the blonde haired blue-eyed thing has been corrected and removed, which i appreciate. i won’t linger on that except to say that my home life is not accessible to you guys and there’s no real way to know what my connections even are.]

i don’t remember Playing Underlings Against Each Other considering i don’t fucking want underlings but if that’s what it amounted to, then i’m actively sorry for making you feel like i wanted that from you. not “i’m sorry YOU felt that way,” but “i’m sorry i made you feel that way.” i am not blaming you for this feeling, i am saying that even though i didn’t intend for it, clearly this must have been the result, and only i can take ownership of that. i’m sorry.

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next one.

“which made it much easier for him to whittle away at all of my friendships and isolate me enough to where I began to really rely on him. Was this intentional? Maybe not, but his intent doesn't really matter when his actions cause this much harm.” 

you are right, this was not even remotely within the realm of my intentions and you’re also still right that my intentions don’t matter. i didn’t know near enough about your personal life outside of the internet to even be aware this kind of impact could have taken place, but nonetheless, i recognize the damage now that i am aware of it and am truly sorry. you were too young to be made to feel this way. it shouldn’t have ever happened, and i never should have spoken about you the way i did.

“Ron doesn't seem to know how to set healthy boundaries in most of his relationships, much less so when it comes to those significantly younger than him”

this was true of me at this time, yes! i never learned healthy boundaries from my parents in ways i’m not going to detail here, but it does mean i’ve had to make a lot of mistakes to learn where to place things and when to pull back. i genuinely make efforts to put up barriers between myself and younger people these days, and cut off conversations before there’s a chance to expect friendship. i’ll answer a question or two when approached, but i don’t ask about personal lives or give harsh advice or carry on private conversations. i tell people to their faces that i am not comfortable talking past a particular professional threshold and that’ll be the end of it there. blue is the most recent person i’ve spoken to out of all of you and wouldn’t have seen that yet, either, as i doubled down on it even more after their departure and largely because of it.

all in all, i know you guys can’t have any way of knowing it, but i do often ruminate on “the bnha days” as an incredibly dark time where i was not the person i want to be, i did and said things i’m not proud of if i can even remember them. and that’s not an excuse, i know you’re all aware that i have genuine amnesia and it does make it harder to actually recall stories like this. but because of that amnesia, i will never say these things just never happened. these things clearly happened, and i’m ashamed of it to this day. you don’t have to believe me, but it’s very true.

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on pink’s now, and i honest to g-d only vaguely remember this situation. what i can take full ownership of without question was my reckless oversharing and how that must have warped the environment. it was unacceptable, full stop. i don’t Do that anymore, if it’s any consolation whatsoever. i never meant for it to result in this kind of a feeling towards me, i don’t know what i meant, i just. was not well, and was not behaving well. that is on me, i should have done better, and that’s what i’m trying to do now. any sharing that’s done in the current server is something everyone does, it’s always in spoiler marks, and everyone has a personal channel that can be muted and avoided by whoever decides they don’t want to engage. another thing that’s gotten even more strict since blue left and can be backed up.

as for the insistence on purple’s status as all of That, i seriously do not remember near enough about it but i am pretty sure that after it was all over we did look back on this and go, “yikes.” at ourselves. the things we found had been alarming but we had been the ones lacking context and compassion, so for that accusation, i’m just as sorry. approaching anyone to give those apologies felt unwise at the time, and i don’t have the audacity to even hope you’ll accept it now. i just have to say it regardless. we were wrong.

the HARASSMENT i can say i had NO direct part in, i don’t encourage people to Go After others in that way and i’m incredibly sorry that anyone has done that under my name. it was not under my instruction. i genuinely have not ever sent someone on a witch hunt like that, i swear. any celebration of bullying in here is. truly filthy behavior that i’ve very much left behind. 

also, the other server blue mentioned that made fun of pansexuals and asexuals was largely driven by a need to impress seraf, which led to another count of betraying not only my own beliefs but my own history as someone who’s on the aroace spectrum, too. still can’t blame him fully for it, obviously, but i was molding myself to him in particular and it led to me doing shit i will vocally denounce to your faces. the people who were in there pretty quickly had a discussion about the sorts of people we became in his presence and what we no longer wanted to partake in, and it’s since become entirely inactive.

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hi, orange. once again, ownership fully taken for that relationship that never should have taken place. your discomfort makes all the sense in the world and i’m sorry for putting you through that, and everything afterwards.

the voice calls were originally because people wanted to hear stories and so i really thought it was like. fine. but yeah, looking back? toxic! harping on old drama is never healthy and i was not in a place where i could distance myself from that maladaptive behavior. i haven’t done voice calls like that since, and generally sit out now when others start one.

also i sincerely do not remember chucking the r slur much less defending my usage of it but i’m not gonna pretend i just didn’t, that’s vile and you have every right to be pissed about it. no joke seeing that put a pit in my stomach and i can’t believe myself, but i believe you. and the way i cut people out was horrendous and it was not excusable. i can see how it would scare someone into trying to keep my approval, even if i wasn’t aiming for that.

as for our relationship. i don’t. remember it being this driven by me but looking back, it uh. yeah, wow. i genuinely was not perceiving any of it this way, or as this unbalanced, or myself as pulling strings like this or Deciding things for anyone, but if that is how you all felt about it, then it must have really been this way, and it’s disgusting. seeing it framed this way is sickening because it’s just. appalling to think i could have managed all of this horrible damage without even realizing it. that does nothing to absolve me and that’s not what i’m looking for when i say that i didn’t realize, i just. really didn’t, and it does make it worse imo.

i DO remember the breakneck speed and how fucked up that was, and it’s just another piece of a massive period in my life that i could not regret more if i tried to. it was unhealthy, it was concerning, it was wrong, and i was letting a lot of my instability guide me in ways that are my fault, and i’m truly sorry.

and the breakup, as well, was. actually the real scummiest way i’ve ever treated someone, yep. i don’t remember the video call but i don’t doubt it. i had been overcome with a discomfort i couldn’t explain and i didn’t know how to express it in a healthy way, and i treated you abyssmally. as for the money, i Seriously Forgot about that agreement at the start i cannot express to you how much i literally did not remember that and i’m glad you reminded me when you did. i know i paid you back already but i’ll happily extend more your way if you need it, i’m not kidding. if there’s even just a material way i can make that up to you then i will do it with zero hesitation.

also the execution joke was also inexcusable even if i didn’t mean for it to be sincere because yeah obviously the way i was behaving and how you were feeling was bound to make that joke become far too real and i am sorry for that. i don’t want to repeat the words “genuine” and “sincere” too much but i lack other words to capture exactly how much i mean it when i say that, and when i say i’m sorry for everything. nothing that happened between us was okay on my part and you deserved better from me, without a doubt. i hurt you, and that’s on me.

g-d those screenshots. yeah, even without remembering the specifics i’m not going to deny a word that was said here, it’s all ugly. the things i shared and said there are as horrible as they look and no amount of context changes that. i don’t Do This anymore, this person i was is a metric for who Not to be. orange, i know you don’t see any of that because blue is your most recent account but just. the person in these things is someone i hate just as much as the rest of you do.

jesus the wedding planning shit jhbkn yeah i have no fucking idea what i was thinking. i make an active point to just not DO that, i’ve not done that in a single relationship since, and i bring all of this up early in new relationships specifically to state who i am and who i was and what i do not want to let happen ever again. my current partner can attest to that and i have screenshots, as well. 

i didn’t forget about this as a whole event even if these details aren’t as clear anymore. i am upfront about it and i want to give people the chance to walk away from me without judgment. i don’t try to erase this part of my history. i’m ashamed of it, and i have grown away from it in ways you guys have no way of seeing and that’s not your fault, i’m just saying that it’s true. this was three years ago. that doesn’t mean it’s not important, it just means there are things you don’t know and couldn’t be expected to know.

if what you fear is me repeating history, i want to ease that in any way i can, with as much proof as i can get you.

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white, i remember you. that very dark fight scene does still haunt me and you’re right that i should have just called it off far sooner instead of letting it continue, only to then cite it later as something only you did to be upsetting. i was the adult, i was responsible for cutting it off, and i should have done so instead of continuing because i knew you were looking to vent. this was a moment of trying to help that became twisted beyond recognition and it falls on me, absolutely.

let me state very clearly now: you are of course not a pedophile, and i never should have let my own panic about a situation that startled me escalate into anyone using that word to describe you. you were a teenager and your sense of humor was your own thing to cultivate over time. i am pretty sure (?) i was going off of someone from that server telling me that it made them upset and uncomfortable, and in my mind i must have thought i was protecting them, but by saddling you with that label i was not helping anyone. this part is hazy to me, too, but i will take ownership of this. i’m incredibly, deeply sorry.

and on a more private note, too, i’m sorry for how i treated your writing in general. i had no business being so callous and talking behind your back like that. you deserved encouragement, and i can only hope you’ve continued to write and grow and enjoy yourself without my judgment.

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and that’s the end. okay.

there are other people who both knew me at this time and did not know me at this time who can cite the active growth i have been striving for and it’s not your obligation to forgive me, or any of that, but just. 

be aware that i take you seriously, i am not making excuses, and i have not repeated this behavior. 

in the case of blue’s account, seriously, it’s 100% possible to not know the whole truth about the seraf thing because they were removed from the server before him, and a lot of the entire server’s reflections of him came after the freedom of his absence. i didn’t even realize how badly he had been hurting me until he was gone. that’s still not me trying to shirk blame, that’s just a fact that can be read and remembered by people who are not even involved in this.

regardless of seraf’s influence on me in terms of RP and how hard i fought him about that, and regardless of how blue left the server, other things that happened were clearly hurtful and were not intended at all, either. i genuinely wanted to help you, i didn’t want anyone to worship or depend on me, its always scared the crap out of me any time someone did, and it made me feel like i had some kind of responsibility that i couldn’t uphold from my position not only as a person on the internet but as an adult with limited information. i never should have tried to do it anyway, and should have just kept a distance. this is distance i keep now as a rule. it shouldn’t have taken this long to instate that, but please know it’s instated.

whether i felt pressure doesn’t matter or end the conversation because you (all of you) felt pressure, too, and for that, i’m apologizing to you all sincerely.

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to more accurately explain where i stand these days: i keep to myself and my singular server now, most of my days are filled with irl errands and doctor’s visits, and i aim to write my one fic to completion before just fading off in general. this site has been a terrible place for me since i got on it Way too long ago, and it has only really resulted in pain, chaos, paranoia, and experiences that i can neither escape from nor take back when it comes down to having hurt other people, too. i don’t enjoy talking to people on here, i actively avoid kids, i don’t Pursue people younger than me (my current partner is older), i arrange stricter boundaries in my server (that, again, you wouldn’t know because they went up after blue’s departure), and i will never pretend that i was never a toxic person who did things i shouldn’t have. i wasn’t aware of the gravity in a few places, and so i am thankful for seeing it laid out in a way that i can both understand and address going forward.

i’ve been operating under that whole saying of, like. “go become a better person far away from me.” that’s what i’ve been trying to do, and will keep trying to do.

thank you, also, for removing the “blonde haired blue eyed” thing because it is an actual misremembering. i’d like to take honest ownership of my own mistakes regarding that subject as myself.

so. again, thank you for giving me an opportunity to better see what my lingering faults are, and the harm i’ve caused. i hope that nothing i’ve said in this response here is out of turn in the sense that it looks like i’m trying to dodge something, because i really am not. this is my honest attempt at claiming my past self and putting him in the ground, and acknowledging all of the pain that you have been put through because of me. 

i’m more than happy to give you all any apologies and evidence you have deserved from the start, and i only hope that you do whatever you need to do in order to heal and keep yourselves safe in the now.

[booksandwords]

Autoboyography by Christina Lauren

Read time: 2 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: This is how we reveal ourselves: these tiny flashes of discomfort, the reactions we can’t hide. — Tanner Scott

Autoboyography is a wonderful book that enjoys a lot of praise. I really enjoyed it. This review ended up being quite lengthy. I have chosen to focus largely on the characters of Autoboyography which I really appreciated. This is a well thought out and designed story, intended to provoke thought in readers. Not just about religion and relationships but maybe about themselves a bit. It deals with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints referred to as LDS with at least some dignity, more than is normal.

The opening is great, a walk through the relevant parts of Tanner's life and clarification on the LDS. Some stereotypes are displayed, these are still high school students. The LDS we all think of are those on their Mission. The pacing of the plot is at least reasonable, it fits the relationship. Especially after the line "You've always led with your heart first and your heart second, but I need you to think about this one." (Jenna to Tanner, p 100). There are a couple of moments that are questionable. A convenient change in the enrolment numbers for the Seminar (14 to 15), one frequently mentioned moments comes to nothing. The plot is described as Tanner falling in love with Sebastian, which just feels right it really is that simple and that complicated. The ending feels right. An HFN was almost certain but it was the journey that I was unsure of and really enjoyed.

Characters are multidimensional and of their circumstances. With Emily and Jenna wholly distrustful to the point of nearly hating LDS due to their previous experiences with it. Paul knows what could have been and knows the situation his son his in, as well as his familial history having a role to play. Due to the differences between the families, Tanner and Sebastian don't face the same concerns or restrictions within their relationship, though both have the same source to a degree. Tanner's family objects to Sebastian's religion. Sebastian's family stringently objects to same-sex relationships. Autoboyography is one of those books that shows love in multiple forms. Familial, in different forms. Romantic between the protagonists, it's complicated and messy. Platonic between friends and unrequited love as well. Autoboyography has some wonderful quotes about love, faith, family and friendship.

Tanner 'Tann' Scott is a bi, senior and transplant to Provo, Utah from Palo Alto, California, a move that put him firmly back in the closet. Even his best friend, the brilliant Autumn doesn't know his true sexuality. His parents are extremely supportive of his sexuality but don't want him to get hurt in the very Mormon town he now lives in. His subject strengths are in the math/science stream. he's an honors student essentially with his pick of universities. After accepting a challenge to join the Seminar, a semester-long book writing course he is introduced to local celebrity Sebastian Brother. Tann's attraction to Sebastian is instantaneous  "His smile ruins me." (Tanner, p 22) which is a great line, I remember being bowled over like that. His fast movement from infatuation to love is interesting to read. Tanner is helpless to resist even though he knows he should (Sebastian is in the same position there). His coping mechanisms are sometimes healthy, sometimes destructive, reading both in the same character added a great depth. I quite like Tanner, because of how this book his written I could feel his anger and pain.

Sebastian 'Seb' Brother is a published author tutoring the Seminar Tan is in. After the semester is over he goes on book tour than on his two year Mission. While he is attracted to men, he doesn't identify as gay. His father is the local Bishop as such his family are expected to lead by example in both word and deed. Seb's family are very welcoming and accepting of Tann when they meet him. Sebastian's experimentation and reluctance to label (and hair-splitting) were extremely off-putting. I've been known to DNF a book for less, despite what I said earlier, that was more about Tann's reaction rather than Seb's choices. "I'm not gay, I'm not straight, I'm me" (Sebastian, p 224). The very thing that makes him off-putting makes him a great character, it's the circumstances and expectation (familial and communal) that make the person. He also has a hidden passion that is shown only at the right times but it was definitely needed, and it, not a small streak either.

In the support cast, there is a standout. Auddy. Autumn Summer Green. Tann's best friend, she is ride or die but with a complication. Those unhealthy coping mechanisms I was mentioning, they relate to her. My one question about her is how can she be so beautiful and accepting of everything that happens? It's not passivity she's just a really well written best friend. But Tann's family are great. There is a lot going on there. Full acceptance of Tann's sexuality, but wanting to protect him from the pain they experienced. "How would this be any different from his parents saying guys are off-limits?" "It's completely different. Among a hundred other reasons, going to church is a choice.. Being bisexual is simply who you are I'm protecting you from the toxic messages of the church." (Tanner and Jenna, p 99).

One of the minor problematic elements in Autoboyography is a sense of abuse between Tanner and Sebastian. It's psychological, not physical and it called out but not in words. Some people won't have an issue with it due to the context but I did. Your identity is your own if Sebastian (or a real-life person) wants to live their life according to a religious doctrine rather that is their prerogative. There is of course the larger issues of homophobia. The LDS elements may be an issue for some readers. It is core to the plot and cannot be ignored. Those with a particular issue or history with such religions/ doctrines/ cults should read with care. I make no judgements on organised religion here.

Reading the acknowledgements I read something interesting. "We started talking about this book years ago; Cristina worked in a junior high counselling office in Utah, and Saw teen after teen coming through who honestly believed, devastatingly, that their parents would probably rather have a dead child than a gay one. As a woman who grew up bi in the queer-friendly world of the Bay-Area, Lauren felt a social obligation to reach out to teens whose experiences weren't as easy". I like that this is where Autoboyography came from. Built on their experiences with at-risk teens. Given this was the source of the idea I love the inclusion a resource section. The Song of Achilles is entirely unsurprisingly, it is hugely popular and stunning. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe has been on my tbr for far too long. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is an absolute classic and is also a brilliant stage musical. LGBTQ Reads I'd never heard of but it's really good. If I may add my own recommendations; The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee (it's my purple pride book) and Cemetry Boys by Aiden Thomas (own voice Trans POC).