#and he was drunk and saying things about how i cant understand how exhausted he is working 12 hr days (valid)

[tittyinfinity]

Depression/PTSD recovery is wild because you could be doing greater than you've ever been in your life but then one small thing happens that reminds you of "that time" and suddenly all of the past emotions flood back into you and you feel like you're back to being the kid who's crying and shaking in the corner wondering if the people closest to you would be so much happier without you

[shikai-the-storyteller]

EVENT DAY making a text post of reaction’s to today’s events instead of blowing up my poor friend’s phone with text updates, so without further ado:

KARMALAND WATCH

man sounds so drunk is this a bit

OH He’s just exhausted. ok valid king, I’m tired as hell too

FRICK HES READING THE BOOKS

NOOOOOO KING NO ITS NOT FROM LUZU NOOOOO PLEASE QUACKITY RUB THOSE TWO BRAINCELLS TOGETHER YOU KNOW LUZU WOULDN”T SAY THAT

Meanwhile Luzu hasn’t read any of the letters left for him LMAO

Quackity: LUZU RACIST? Everyone in Karmaland: huh Illojuan: We canceling Luzu rn?

Illojuan is such a bastard WHY DID HE WRITE THAT HORRIBLE LETTER SAYING IT WAS FROM LUZU

WHY IS HE IN THE HOUSE

WHY IS EVERYONE IN HIS FRICKIN HOUSE RN LMFAO this is what you get for not building a house with a ROOF

Luzu: I’m racist? But I have white friends? LMFAOOOO

Luzu idk what you’re wearing but you look GREAT red/pink is your color

LMFAO WHY DOES HE HAVE THAT PICTURE

Yesss communication. DSMP could never /j

HE CALLED HIM QUACKS 😭😭😭😭 

Luzu: Quacks, when have I ever called you Quackity? I always call you Quacks Quackity: *GASP* That’s true! But who would have tried to make us hate each other? Luzu: I don't know but we should find out Me leaning into the mic: Telenovella

“AMISTAD”???

BEG YOUR PARDON???

Not the mods joining in LMAO

they’re all so cute lmao

they think it was frickin Sapo Peta

Luzu still has that stupid fart mod installed MY KINGDOM FOR AN OUNCE OF SERIOUSNESS, LUZU PLEASE THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ON THE LINE

Quackity keeps slamming the door and Luzu keeps opening it IM LOZING IT Im clipping that

The gang’s back together :’)

WHAT IS THAT PHOTO

Quackity: What's wrong with my umbrella? It's very masculine Staxx: Mary Poppins LMFAOO

My favorite thing is when Quackity’s giggling too much to participate in a bit

Too many people are talking I have NO idea what’s being said RN so I’m EW Ok ignoring what just happened, I was GOING to say I love when Vegetta and Quackity interact but

HUH

😒 😒 😒 😒 

Quackity really kissing every man in Karmaland huh

Good for Vegetta, I guess.

God bless translators because I was too stunlocked to actually understand what they said

Wait actually where the FRICK is Rubius

OHHH PRETTY BUILD??? PRETTY BUILD?

Ok apparently Lolito Illojuan and Sapo Peta are all in the vault of memories

Is no one gonna warn them about Alexby’s frickin contagious demon arm thing

gosh this build is so frickin GORGEOUS

Live Quackity Reaction

I want to know how Max makes his voice sound like that, Sapo Peta’s voice is SO GOOD

Vegetta: Rubius quien soy yo para negarte algo que tú quieras? Rubius: pues vegetta dios de esta serie y dueño de mi corazón PARDON

Vegeta: Rubius who am I to deny you something you want? Rubius: Well Vegetta god of this series and owner of my heart Me, dead on the floor (clip)

WAIT TITI??? I COMPLETELY MISSED THAT I GOT DISTRACTED WHAT DID THEY SAY ABOUT TITI

Whenever Staxx says “Mijo” I cry

CAN THEY SAVE TITI

YES PLEASE MAKE LUZU GET RID OF THAT STUPID FRICKIN MOD I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE

There is literally no other minecraft series that has builds THIS gorgeous. I will die on this hill, this is like INSANE levels of talent

KARMAJUANA

QUACKITY STOP HARVESTING KARMAJUANA THERE”S LORE GOING ON

NO NOT THIS AGAIN NOT SAPO PETA’S DUNGEON DONT LET QUACKITY SEE THAT

Everyone: NOOOOO Quackity: YESSSSSS

Quackity: I’m single 😏 Sapo Peta: Oh? Well join me in the dungeon 😏 STOPPPPP

Vegetta really acting like the babysitter making sure Quackity doesn’t wander off and get left behind LMAO

HARBOR SEALSSS OMG OMG SO CUTE

Rubius: Technical question, what is the difference between a seal and a walrus? Luzu: The size, like the difference between your brain and mine, blondie Rubius: Oh, okay DAMN LUZU, YOU REALLY WENT FOR THE THROAT LMFAO

STOP WANDERING OFF QUACKITY

man’s missing all the lore

WHOOOOAAAA THIS IS SUCH A PRETTY ROOM it looks like a giant toy room!

Are those all the little trolls???

lmfao the FPS tanking for Quackity

Man I haven’t seen Rubius and Quackity interact in AGES

A crystal heart?

It’s a good thing Quackity can’t grab that because he DEFO would’ve already grabbed it and ran off with it

STOP EATING THE WEED QUACKITY

Poor Sapo Peta trying to herd cats LMAO

LOLITO....

THE SONG LMFAOOOO

I love that Vegetta gets into it so much, he has such a cute little voice it’s so distinct

Vegetta: I’m 30, Rubius is 40 LMFAO

Sapo Peta: Let’s see what’s inside Vegetta: Please let it be Titi 😭😭😭😭

They’re all such dorks I LOVE THEM

OH BOY

Gosh I love Karmaland’s frickin cutscenes. No one does it like them

EVERYONE IMMEDIATELY JUMPING IN LMAO PLEASE WAIT FOR INSTRUCTIONS YOU DUMMIES

TITANICUSSS PLEASE LET US GET HIM BACK

THE PORTAL CORRUPTED KARMALAND?

PRETTY NETHER....GORGEOUS CHANDELIER

builds that would drive Foolish gamers insane

Vegetta: We have to go in there to see if Titi is there! Quackity: Get over it QUACKITYSTOPPPP

Dang this really does feel like the upside down

I cannot tell what’s happening rn everyone’s speaking and my spanish is NOT that good

LMAO Quackity keeps frickin dying

I love that this evil portal was open and people IMMEDIATELY pushed Quackity in it

LMFAOOOO HE DIED FOR REAL

Thanks to the gods of Karmaland for babysitting this moron

MERLON???

Alexby has the cutest little laugh

Sapo Peta warning them that the open portal will let evil in but Vegetta insisting they need to go inside because if there’s a chance they can find Titi, then it’s worth it 😭 

Sapo Peta forgot Fargan wasn’t there KEKW

Group 1: Vegetta, Rubius, Quackity, Sapo Peta Group 2: Alexby, WIlly, Luzu, Lolito, Staxx

Group 1 is going to be a Hot Mess

Awh Sapo Peta saw Vegetta and Rubius look at each other and put them in the same group 😭 😭 😭

QUACKITY STOP DYING CHALLENGE

Wait Sapo Peta split himself into two? I completely missed that LMAO

Quackity: I'm a little embarrassed to be falling so much in front of you Sapo Peta: ..that doesn't exactly... bother me... 😒 

QUACKITY BE A TEAM PLAYER FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE

Rubius wanted to impress Vegetta but he keeps frickin dying. L

Sapo Peta’s first mistake was putting the prettiest but dumbest Karmaland boys together on the same team

Quackity: I have an idea! We should kill the boss! Vegetta: That's an amazing idea! Quackity: Let's go! Let's go! *Inmmediately dies* Vegetta: I got him! I got him! *the boss kills him* He got me! He got me! Someone help me!

Me: I wonder how Luzu’s doing Luzu, the resident emo punk: This place is kinda nice Me: Yeah that sounds about right

Luzu: For some reason I feel better here than when I'm on the surface, I like being here. I feel an inner peace KING.........

Luzu: I want to stay here forever. I want this to be my home. SEEK THERAPY KING!!!!

Wait this might not be a bit he might be getting possessed

Everyone in Group 1: *exhausted from the fight* Quackity: WHO WANTS KARMAJUANAAAAAA

Vegetta’s entire armor was destroyed. I’d love to see a drawing of that, that’s a cool visual

Wow they weren’t kidding this is LITERALLY the upside down

No matter how dire the situation, Quackity CANNOT resist bullying Merlon LMAO

Of COURSE the final boss lives in the upside down’s version of Vegetta’s house, it’s the best house in Karmaland

Luzu and Lolito finding a way out of the maze before everyone else. Yeah that tracks

Alexby and Quackity being the very last to find their ways out of the maze also tracks

YOOOO FINAL BOSS TIME LETS GOOOO

It’s like a red version of Staxx!

THE BOSS FIGHT HASN”T EVEN STARTED AND QUACKITY IS ALREADY DEAD

awh who just revived Quackity? That was so cute. “I gotchu bro!” 1h 30m in? WAIT WAS THAT ACTUALLY LUZU THAT”S SO CUTE

QUACKITY STOP BEING A FRICKIN COWARD

I KNOW YOU ONLY BROUGHT IRON ARMOR BUT THAT”S YOUR OWN FAULT

Quackity if you’re not going to FIGHT then you better at LEAST go around and heal people

QUACKITY IS SO USELESS IM SOBBING

This is such an important lore event yet everyone is sob-laughing because this big boss fight is happening yet Quackity’s just on the floor rolling around half-dead. Absolute Magikarp flop

Quackity on the ground and everyone just staring at him judgmentally LMAO he deserves it

World’s most pathetic man

Sapo Peta: We defeated the king, maybe we can return home through the portal now? Staxx: But what about Quackity’s legs? Is it permanent? Sapo Peta: I don’t know. Can anyone carry him in their arms while we go back? Luzu: I’LL DO IT! I’LL DO IT!!!

FRICK WHY WAS THAT SO CUTE

NOOOO SAPO PETA SAID THE RITUAL FAILED BECAUSE OF RUBIUS NOOO HE ALREADY HAS SO MUCH GUILT AND TRAUMA OVER LOSING TITI DONT SAY THAT

Quackity making fun of Luzu’s age and Luzu shooting him with arrows Me: Haha nice Luzu: I don’t know why -- my arrows all go straight to your heart. I don’t know why that happens Quackity: I don’t know. I don’t know CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING

Unrequited love 😭 😭 😭

RUBEGETTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BESOS

Luzu Rubius and Quackity in therapy what will the do. They certainly won’t cope or get any help, that’s for sure

Quackity: You need to be arrested! Rubius: And you need to be deported WTF RUBIUS LMFAO??? (clip)

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Quackity laugh this hard

SAPO PETA ENTERING THERAPY WITH A STEEL CHAIR

LUZU IM GOING TO UNINSTALL THAT FRICKIN MOD MYSELF I SWEAR

Luzu’s doing important therapy work meanwhile Quackity, professional streamer, is watching a “How to play Minecraft” video tutorial

QUACKITY SHUT UP CHALLENGE

Not Luzu explaining the concept of consent to Rubius and Sapo Peta I’m in hell I hate it here

STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM THERAPY QUACKITY

HE INSTANTLY FELL AND DIED LMFAOOOOO

Rubius: Sometimes I feel uncomfortable going to his dungeon and doing... dances for him Sapo Peta: You literally come just so you can get enchantment books and other stuff Rubius: Yeah but I want to do something other than dances! RUBIUS LITERALLY NO ONE ASKED YOU TO DO THAT YOU KEEP VOLUNTEERING IT AND MAKING EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE

Rubius: But Luzu, how am I supposed to know who loves me? Oh wow I feel like I just got punched in the gut

nothing is frickin funnier than hearing Luzu absolutely LOSE it then go silent for a second and swearing in English

Rubius: I- I don’t even know who I am anymore since I met Sapo Peta! FRICK. WHY IS THIS GETTING SO SAD

Quackity you are the last person who should be giving romantic let alone THERAPY advice

uh oh

Quackity: I have a problem with both people in this room! Luzu: There are 3 people Quackity:

OH NO RUBIUS FOUND OUT MERLON VEGETTA DIED NOOOO

They’re forcing Rubius to accept that Titi is dead MAN this therapy session is rough

QUACKITY IS SUCH A BASTARD

:(

For as much beef as they have, Luzu is being very kind to Rubius about Titi’s death

Quackity: MY PROBLEM is that I let my two boyfriends meet each other and now they’re getting along and I don’t like that! And my solution is to make you hate each other! Luzu: ...I think it’s best if we let our session end here

Yeah Quackity you deserved that my guy

QUACKITY DONT EAT THE LIMES AT TITI”S FRICKIN SHRINE YOU ABSOLUTE DEGENERATE

OH BY I GUESS QUACKITY

[lovelybarnes]

baby blue- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader, tony stark bruce banner, steve rogers, sam wilson warnings: child bucky, language, this is long. why is this so long about: requested by @cherry-season (apparently can't tag you)! bucky turns into a baby/toddler and is clingy a/n: okay so i know virtually nothing about three-year-olds. can you tell? thank you so much for requesting!! I had so much fun writing this <333

[@tylard-blog1]

bucky’s day wasn’t particularly fantastic to begin with.

he was already exhausted when he woke up in the early lights of the morning, his nightmares had kept him up all night-- which you theorized was due to the mission the day before that took place in one of the same hydra bases bucky had been held in. you had frowned when you realized it the day of, turning your attention to bucky and making sure he was okay with it because if he wasn’t, you would make sure someone else took care of it. he had insisted it was fine, even though the next night proved him wrong. you had done what you could, running your fingers through his hair and humming lightly until you fell asleep and he refused to wake you up, resigning himself to a sleepless night.

his morning started with his flesh arm reaching out to feel your side of the bed, hoping to find your soft, warm skin to pull you closer, but instead being met with the unkind sheets that missed the gentleness of your body. he had frowned when he realized you had already left for a meeting with some important hotshot in space with carol (you couldn’t find a better excuse to go get breakfast at your favorite alien restaurant with your favorite aliens) and wouldn’t be back for a solid few hours too long. groaning, and with no real reason to stay in bed for any longer without the excuse of getting to feel you for a few more hours, he dragged himself out of bed.

it didn’t get much better from there, because he was greeted with the sight of sam eating the last bowl of the last box of cereal in the whole damn tower because everyone rejected to go grocery shopping. since bucky refused to eat any of the frozen breakfasts tony loved so much and the stark kid swore were “the best thing ever,” he grunted at sam and walked away without eating, knowing he’d regret it later when his stomach would growl and you would immediately know he skipped breakfast.

for some unknown reason, tony had found out about bucky’s lack of things to do, and with a few winks and manipulative large-worded engineering phrases, convinced him to join him in the lab, which bucky had only really been able to see through the clear glass that separated the lab from the rest of the tower, and from the occasions where he would take food and drinks to you while you locked yourself away inside, building something alongside tony.

being inside, so close to the various machines and objects bucky cant begin to figure out the purpose of, his memories of being in school and at the top of his math and engineering classes bubble to the surface, filling him with the pride he remembers having every day at school. the thought that he could probably understand everything if you or tony explained it to him passes through his mind and urges him to ask tony to do just that, but tony beats him before he can get the chance.

bruce is eyeing them wearily from the other side of the lab, attention mostly on the test tubes in front of him. he gives bucky a smile when he comes in, but seems to ignore him for the most part until tony shows bucky to bruce’s work station, pointing out a blue liquid in a test tube marked TESTING. bruce’s neck snaps to them when tony open his big mouth, “you know, y/n was actually supposed to test something out for me today,” tony begins innocently, a suggestion laced in his words that bucky catches but decides to ignore because of the high he feels from understanding the equations scribbled on the clear glass, “do you know where she is?”

bucky narrows his eyes at him, then looks up at the clock, realizing it’s still a while before you get back, “not even on earth,” he recipes blandly, slyly sneaking a glance at the liquid for any indications of what it could be.

tony sighs dramatically, his shoulders sagging, “oh no, how do i test this now?” bruce shoots tony a warning glance that is blatantly ignored.

bucky’s shrugging before he can help it, the reminder that since you were going to do it, what could be the harm if he did? “i could do it.”

tony claps, “great!” he gestures to a door behind him, “please go in there to sign non-disclosure agreements and wash your hands.”

bucky’s shoved inside before he can fully understand the implications of his stupid offer.

-

the thought of asking the basic questions he should have asked before he agreed to test an unidentified liquid comes to bucky nearly an hour later, when the small vial of weird blue liquid sits in front of him, waiting to be drunk. tony and bruce sit in chairs a couple of feet away, clipboards in both of their hands, and interested expressions settled on their features.

“what does this do again?” he asks, squinting at the vial that he doesn’t notice tony isn’t looking at, furrowing his eyebrows when tony waves him off, “something super smart. no side effects or anything.” bucky’s eyes flit down to the little vial again, before they nearly bug out of his head at the humongous laser that is rolled into the room, “what the hell is that.”

“ah,” tony grins, bouncing from his seat to stand next to his invention proudly, “this is what you’re testing out.” bucky cocks his head at the man, “i thought i was drinking blue water. y/n was going to drink blue water.” tony shakes his head, adjusting some dials on the machine, “yeah, no, it was this. pretty sure i told you.”

“you didn’t-” bruce is looking at tony in concern, about to tell him to slow down so bucky has a chance to think all this through again and maybe ask if there is any chance the laser will melt him, when tony clicks a large red button and a bright white light clouds bucky’s vision just as he sees the clock on the exact same time he saw an hour ago, realizing the clock in the billion-dollar lab is broken, and you’re probably getting home any second.

“tony!” he hears bruce yell before his vision goes dark.

it’s only a second until he can pry open his eyes again, a hand curling into a fist, ready to pound stark into tomorrow when he can suddenly feel the nails of his hand digging into his palm. the surprising feeling of it where his vibranium arm should be forces him to look down at a small arm, fully skin and thin. he looks around, noticing his surroundings suddenly have grown very large around him, and the sound of his voice is higher when he tries to speak again.

“what the f-” he mumbles, cutting himself off when a sudden memory of his ma yelling at him to wash his mouth out if he wants to talk like that floods his mind, and he stares down at himself, eyebrows furrowing when he spots his short stature and the tiny hands and feet that look up at him. realization floods him like a wave, raising his chin at the two, tall, gobsmacked men in front of. “was that supposed to happen?” bruce asks quietly, nodding slowly when tony shakes his head, “no.”

there’s a light knock at the door, your hand pushing it open before anyone can stop you, and your tired face peeks in, a glowing smiling adorning your face and your eyes searching for your boyfriend, “hey, do you guys know where bucky is-” your voice cuts through the stunned silence, pausing when you catch the little boy’s eye. at first, you stare at him, your eyebrows pulling together as you get a good look at the familiar cerulean of his eyes and scan the clothing you’d seen on bucky before. for a second, everything is silent, bucky’s eyes are wide and staring as yours bore into them, searching for something you’re nearly touching until you gasp, “bucky?” you choke, reaching for him when he nods, his legs already trying to reach you as fast as they possibly can but they buckle. bucky realizes just then how old he must be now. “oh, baby,” you murmur, gathering him up in your arms before he can fall to the hard ground of the lab. “what the hell did you idiots do to my boyfriend?” you demand, turning to the two scientists who are going over tony’s notes.

bruce glances at tony, tilting his head at him as if to say him. you roll your eyes, not having any more information than when you asked, “tony?” you growl, walking over to the man, not missing the way little bucky’s hand grabs onto your shirt.

“it didn’t- that wasn’t supposed to happen,” tony defends weakly, a lazy shrug pulling at his shoulders. your eyes flash with velvet red, and, without moving a finger, tony’s pulled in front of you, wrapped in red swirls bucky can’t help but gawk at.

“fix it.” you order. tony nods, pursing his lips, “we’ll do that.” bruce looks a little taken aback, looking up from tony’s scribbles and equations. “i don’t think it’ll last more than a day,” he offers helpfully, “whatever it was tony was trying to do wasn’t either.”

bucky’s eyes start to droop, which he assumes is an effect of the sleepless night he just had on his infant body, something that usually wouldn’t affect him in his one-hundred-and-six-year-old self. he hums when he realizes the irony, leaning his head against the welcoming crook of your neck and catching your attention. you turn to him for a moment, softening a little before turning back to tony and glaring at him, “fix it.”

-

steve catches you when you walk out of the lab, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head when he spots the toddler in your arms, “holy shit, that looks exactly like bucky,” he breathes, scanning the dark mussed-up hair and stepping back when bucky opens his eyes. from next to him, sam looks from bucky to you, “did you two have a kid and not tell anyone, because this-”

“is bucky. that’s bucky.” you interrupt, looking at the toddler, “tony messed up with something and… this happened, i don’t completely… bucky’s a baby.”

steve raises an eyebrow, squinting at his best friend, “ha,” he laughs, “wow, he looks exactly like his pictures. he must be about three years old.” bucky blinks at him. “his ma said he was chatting up a storm at that age, though,” steve informs, looking back up at you. sam grins, “has he said anything? i kinda want to hear if he still sounds old.” bucky frowns at him, his pout deepening when sam bursts into laughter, “his grumpy face is the same!”

you look at your boyfriend, tilting your head and smiling a little when you realize he’s right, “you’re cute,” you coo now that you get a good look at him, “you’re so cute,” you murmur, poking his nose with your finger. bucky can’t help the blush that comes to his cheeks. but he slaps away sam’s fingers, scowling at him, “no.” he argues, “no.”

sam frowns, “no old man voice.”

“i hate you,” bucky says to sam, and you laugh, “i think we should leave for now. i need to figure out what will make three-year-old bucky not as grumpy.” sam looks at bucky’s furrowed brows and the same two little lines between them, his eyes flickering back up to yours, “i think that may just be a bucky thing.”

-

you bring bucky to the living room, sitting him down at the edge of the couch and crouching in front of him, watching him and his little crossed arms, bottom lip jutted out against his own will. bucky isn’t used to the emotional control of a child who’s three and can’t control the frustration that’s coursing through him at the moment. the only thing he knows for sure is that he doesn’t want you to leave him again.

“bucky?” you start, looking deep into the wide blue eyes that let you know it is bucky you’re speaking to. “what do you want to do? are you hungry? d’you want to sleep?” bucky shakes his head stubbornly at you, “i want tony to fix this.”

you sigh, “i know, baby. i do too, but until he finds a cure to this, you’re gonna stay small for a couple more hours.” he pouts at that, and you smooth your thumb over his cheek, “no pouting. we can do whatever you want, buck.”

just as he’s about to reject any idea you have, his stomach rumbles loudly, directing your attention to the arms that guiltily cover up his middle. “bucky... did you eat breakfast today?” you query, a lecturing tone sneaking into your words. “sam ate my cereal,” bucky grumbles, crossing his arms.

“bucky!” you exclaim, standing up to turn to the kitchen, “that’s no excuse. i told you you needed to eat--” you’re barely three steps into the kitchen when you hear the pattering of his feet towards you, grubby hands pawing at your legs.

“don’t leave,” he whines, hugging your ankles and sitting down on the floor, “you left all morning,” he mumbles, smushing his cheeks against your calf.

“i’m sorry,” you apologize, bending over to brush away the hair that falls over his eyes. “c’mere,” you murmur, reaching down to pick him up again and bounce him on your hip while you head to the kitchen. “what do you want to eat?” bucky thinks about it for a minute, before smiling, “i want pizza and ice cream.” you frown at him, “i don’t think three-year-olds can eat that. actually, i don’t think anyone should.”

after consulting google on what three-year-olds should eat, you have bucky’s head resting on your shoulder, refusing to let you put him down even as you made him the mac and cheese he had agreed to, still a little upset over the fact you wouldn’t let him eat all the other things he wanted. the only time he let you not carry him was when he was eating, still insisting you sit right next to him to watch as he smeared cheese all over tony’s expensive table.

“okay,” you whisper breathlessly after watching him eat his third bowl of the meal, “i think that’s good.” you shove the dirty dishes in the sink, washing bucky’s hands and wiping at him cheeks with a warm cloth to get the mess he managed to create off. “did you forget how to eat?” you wonder aloud when you finally fnish cleaning him up, watching his small shoulders shrug.

“what do you want to do now? anything you want,” you propose.

“i want you,” he says, reaching his stubby arms out, “cuddles. ‘m sleepy,” he yawns, making grabby hands at you when you take too long to pick him up. “bucky,” you chuckle, complying with him and bringing him into your chest, where he leans his head on your shoulder. “you sure you don’t want to play or something? you don’t want to…” you trail off, trying to think of what three-year-olds do, “walk or read or something?”

bucky grunts in your ear, his eyelids already closing again, “cuddles,” he repeats, balling your shirt up in his little hands.

“okay,” you sigh, bouncing him gently while you walk to your shared bedroom. you pick up a stuffed animal you brought for bucky from one of your most recent missions, “did you sleep last night? is that why you’re so tired?” bucky hums, cuddling further into your chest when you lay down with him on top of you. you hand him the little dog plush, pressing a kiss to his head when he takes the gift, hugging it with you. “honey, i’m sorry,” you frown, gently threading your fingers through his short hair, humming the same song bucky sings to you when you can’t get to sleep. it doesn’t take long to lull him into the calmness of rest.

you only wake up when the weight on you is suddenly multiplied, completely taking your breath away, “bucky!-” you exclaim, rolling from underneath him to meet his closed eyes. you shake your head with a light laugh, drawing a strand of hair behind his ear before you press your lips to his cheeks, snuggling in with him again, “sweet dreams, darling,” you murmur, placing the stuffed animal he dropped on your dresser.

[rommahh]

I Carry Your Heart

Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 4k

{Ahhhh ok so this is my first work like ever. There will definitely be a second part because ive got more to say and it needs a second part. I hope whoever sees and reads this imagine enjoys it. I appreciate comments, likes, reblogs, ideas on what could go into the story, and any form of help and redirection as to how i should write things. Much love, R.}.

Part two

All Y/N wanted tonight was to hang out with her boyfriend, eat a mass amount of junk food, and watch a marvel movie or two. That was all she wanted and that was all she asked of her boyfriend. Instead of any of that happening, she found herself sitting on the nasty kitchen island of her boyfriend's frat at a party that she was trying to avoid going to.

This party was supposedly ‘the party of the year.’ The last rager before finals and then christmas break. Y/N had spent the whole week studying and finishing up end of semester projects hence the want for a chill night. When Harry came to her saying his frat was throwing a party tonight and that he just HAD to be here, Y/N didn't feel like she had a choice but to let him go. She came because she thought this would be the only time she would be able to have some time with Harry after a long week of barely seeing each other. With two vastly different majors, the couple wasnt able to find a lot of time in the middle of school work to make time for just the two of them. Obviously her hopes of quality time with her man were futile because here she was sitting by herself in the kitchen of the frat while Harry drank and got high with his friends in other parts of the house.

Of course she was disappointed. She felt a knot in her throat and a weight on her chest just sitting there in that kitchen. Her white claw was warm now- not that it was any cold when she opened it. She was starting to form a small headache from the too loud music and the ache in her heart was growing.

She stood from the countertop on the search for her boyfriend, hoping he wasn't too far gone from sober. Wiping the back of her jeans from anything that was left on the island, she began walking around the house. She doesn't remember the last time the two of them spent time together by themselves. Of course they occasionally ate dinner together in the dining hall but they were normally surrounded by friends. Y/N wanted to be alone with her boyfriend to talk and bask in his presence.

After pushing through groups of partying humans, she found Harry and at least ten other people sitting around playing some sort of drinking game.

“Y/N! Where have you been?” Luca, one of Harry's frat brothers yelled out to her from the circle. Luca was cool, he was one of the only tolerable boys in this frat aside from Harry. Hearing his girlfriend's name, Harry turned around from where he sat on the ground and reached out for his girlfriend to sit beside him. Much to Y/N’s dismay, Harry was wasted. His eyes were half mass and his words bumped and slurred together. “We are playing truth or dare, wanna play?” Luca asked.

“I don't wanna play but Ill sit and watch.” Sitting next to her boyfriend, she grabbed one of his hands holding it in her lap. She was annoyed at him but it did her no good to show it when he was this drunk.

This game of truth or dare was childish. Dares of licking people's shoes and taking multiple shots had been done and truths about money and relationships were being spilled among the group. It had finally become Harry’s turn to do something, making Y/N tense.

“Ok Harry, I dare you to…” One drunk frat boy started looking around the room trying to come up with something clever. His eyes landed on a pretty girl in the room, Yara, a stuck up girl who for sure got her way no matter what. “I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room- obviously not your girlfriend because that defeats the purpose.” The frat boy smirked knowing what his intentions were. Everyone in the group giggles and gasped shocked by the dare but ready to see what was going to go down. Y/N’s brows furrowed as she became angry with the stupid dare.

The ache in her chest seemed to tip over the edge when she felt her boyfriend in the room move to stand up. She grabbed at the bottom of his shirt as a way of stopping him. Harry halted his movements to look down at his girlfriend. He giggled a little.

“You’re not actually going to do this right?” She asked Harry with wide eyes of shock. Harry laughed at her like she made a joke, making her heart hurt even more.”Harry I do not want you to do this just take the shot and lose the dare.” Her tone held warning.

“Don't be silly of course I'm going to. It's just a dare, nothing serious. Don't be so clingy.” He stood walking over to Yara and planted a wet kiss on her mouth. Yara gripped Harry’s shirt and kissed him harder. The kiss went on for a few more seconds, the room absolutely silent out of shock. Harry stepped back from Yara slightly sobering up from his actions. Yara smirked at Y/N, hand gliding down the front of Harry's shirt.

Y/N stood from the seat she was in and scoffed. Scoffed because she should've known Harry would do something like this. Scoffed because it hurt to see her boyfriend do something so careless without any regard for his girl's feelings. She pulled herself together, feeling her throat tighten once again. She was quick to leave the room and down the hall of the frat.

Harry's clumsy steps could be heard from behind her as he mumbled her name. Or at least he tried to. He was still so out of it, his words not making much sense. Y/N was crying now, the strength that she had slowly dissolving as she walked further away from her boyfriend.

“Y/N wait. P-please wait. I cant-” Harry stumbled over his legs behind her falling into the grass of the front yard. The girl couldn't help but turn around looking at her stupid boyfriend. She was choking on sobs now. She wasn't crying over a measly little kiss but over an extreme amount of burnout from school and exhaustion from simply existing. She was crying because her boyfriend ignored her boundaries, crushing and erasing the boundaries she had set in their relationship. Harry tried reaching for her once she had stopped walking. His hand clasped around her wrist, he laid his head down on her shoulder. He hated seeing her cry even if he was too drunk to see why.

“Baby don't leave, Im-Im Sorry.” He hiccuped and burped due to the alcohol. Y/N felt her rage build. Shoving Harry off of her, she crossed her arms across her chest as a way to shield herself from Harry physically. He was hurt by her distance and the wall she put up around her.

“You're an idiot Harry. An idiot!” her sobs grew louder, some stray party goers watching in amusement- some even snapchatting it for shits and giggles. “I didnt want you to kiss her and you did. What provoked you to think that was ok? All I wanted was for us to hang out tonight and just be us and you did this!” She was yelling now. Her hurt is beyond her now. Anger and rage simmered throughout her body making her head dizzy and her fingers curl within themselves. She didnt like being angry. It wasn't an emotion she liked acting on, it felt impersonal.

“Baby I don't under-” Before Harry could finish his sentence he was barfing at his feet. Y/N stepped back disgusted with her boyfriend. She couldn't even feel remorseful because of how angry she was. Luca, the frat brother from earlier, caught up with Harry and his girl only to find Harry doubled over heaving. Luca wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders.

“I'm sorry Luca but I can't do this tonight. Can you please make sure he gets some water and goes to bed. I-I can't do it tonight, I wish I could but I can't.” Y/N didn't want to leave her boyfriend in this state but she didn't deserve this. She wasn't going to care for her drunk boyfriend when all she wanted to do was care for herself. Selfishly, she enjoyed seeing him this way because of the anger he caused her.

Luca shook his head in understandment. “Of course, I'm really sorry for tonight. He's going to seriously regret this in the morning, especially since it will be circulating all over snapchat in the morning.” Luca waved to Y/N then proceeded to pull Harry into the house. Harry called out for Y/N not wanting to be away from her but Luca pulled him harder.

Harry woke up the next morning feeling like the bottom of a dumpster. He wasn't shocked by that. He knew he got trashed last night, he had planned to. He, just like Y/N, spent all week studying and completing projects while also fulfilling certain responsibilities for his frat. He wanted one night to be a normal teen. So he drank and drank and drank and maybe even smoked some weed. As he tried to recall last night's events he came up with nothing. He didn't understand why Y/N wasn't here with him like she normally would after a party on the weekend. They were normally always together during the weekend. A bad feeling loomed over him. He could tell something wasn't right but decided to put his feelings to the side.

He saw a bottle of water beside his bed making him think she was probably here and left early. Chugging the water he started to go through his socials to see if anyone had posted about the party. He had multiple tagged pics and videos in his notifications from snapchat. Way more than he normally would.

The first video he saw was a video of him and Y/N standing in the front yard of the frat house. Turning the volume all the way up he could hear Y/N yelling, it shocked him. She doesn't normally raise her voice, especially not at him. The angle changed showing her face which was red with anger, eyes filled with unshed tears. He could hear her yelling about him kissing someone else. He felt his heart stop. He had kissed someone else? On the next snap was a picture of him keeled over vomiting on his shoes with the caption saying, ‘are yall seeing this shit?’ Harry was embarrassed but he was more concerned than anything.

His head was hurting but it didn't stop him from rolling out of bed, washing up, and putting on a fresh set of clothes. He checked his phone hoping Y/N had messaged him but nothing was there. He walked into the kitchen only to see luca sitting at the counter eating cereal.

“Hey Harry….” Luca said warily. Luca pushed the cereal around his bowl feeling the tension begin to rise in the room. He felt horrible about his friends.

“Luca...what's up?” Harry was confused by Lucas' wariness.

“So do you remember anything about last night?” Luca asked, setting his cereal down in the sink behind him. Harry started playing with the frayed edges of a bracelet Y/N made for him. It had little beads with her name on it. They made them together at an event on campus.

“I don't, I only saw the videos of Y/N screaming at me. I think I fucked up but I- I don't know what happened.” Harry's cheek flushed with even more embarrassment. Luca awkwardly chuckled scratching the back of his neck.

“You got dared to kiss the hottest girl in the room and um actually did it in front of Y/N...even though she didn't want you to. Which led you guys outside and yeah you know the rest...Im sorry dude, I wish I had stopped you.”

“Who- who did I kiss?” Harrys stomach lurched when he heard Yara’s name come out of Lucas' name. Y/N didn't like Yara and it was understandable. Yara has been pining after Harry since their first year of college. Harry couldn't breathe. He felt disgusted with himself. He could only imagine how Y/N was feeling.

Y/N woke up the same morning, eyes puffy and crusty from tears and head hurting. She probably cried herself into dehydration. She was lucky enough to have no roommate because she wouldn't have wanted someone else to see her breakdown. She still couldn't believe last night went down the way it went down. She couldn't tell if she was just being overdramatic or if her emotions were in the right place. She didn't want to be mad at Harry. He was everything to her, she had an odd connection to him. Meeting him during their freshman welcome week they quickly became best friends with a growing romantic connection in the mix. They started dating before Christmas break. They had grown close so fast that he even came home with her to meet her family for the first few days of break.  Even though they were in their junior year of college, Y/N could see them beyond college. She's imagined them getting married, travelling, sharing a home. She saw the whole future with him. She had her doubts though. He was immature just like every other boy in college. He was dumb with his actions and tended to only do things if they benefited him. He had a lot of growing to do as a person, so did she but she wanted to grow with him.

She heard a knock on her door hesitating to answer it because one, it could be Harry, and two, she looked like a wreck. Answering anyways, she was met with a very sorry looking Harry holding a small coffee and bagel from their cafe.

“Hi baby…” He sheepishly said holding out the items. She silently let him through the door not once looking him in the eye. He stepped into her room, setting her treats on her desk. He could see that her bed was messy meaning she recently woke up. Y/N never went about her day without making her bed. He turned back to her and finally their eyes met. He took in all of her facial features, from her puffy eyes, to her downturned lips that looked chapped, to her flushed cheeks that longed to be held for warmth. He hated to see her like this, the last time he saw her so upset was when her parents moved out of her childhood home. It took alot to make Y/N this upset. She was normally really headstrong and vigilant. She knew how to ease her way out of problematic situations and could talk her way through anything.

Harry opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Y/N holding her hand up in front of his face. “Don't talk. I'm really hurt Harry, so if your plan was to come over here and apologize over bagels- think again.” She snapped, backing up to put space between the two of them. She sat down on her bed while Harry pulled the desk chair out and sat down. He much preferred to be on the bed with her holding her tight but he didn't want to overstep boundaries.

“Love, I don't know where to begin. I'm really sorry for what happened last night. I was really drunk and obviously wasn't in the right headspace.” Harry reached out and touched the tips of her fingers with his. She wanted to move but it felt good to be touched by Harry.

“I told you that a measly little apology won't do Harry. I didn't want you to kiss Yara and you did anyway. You know how Yara feels about you and you just let it happen!” She pulled her hand away remembering the prior night's events. Harry felt himself getting angry too. He felt like he needed to defend himself- even though it would be a very bad idea.

“I think you're being over dramatic.” Wrong move Harry. “It wasn't like I was making out with her!”

“You're joking right?” She scoffed and scooted further up her bed to create more distance. “Harry it's the simple fact that you did something that made me uncomfortable that shouldn't have even happened. I see myself getting married to you and it makes me worry that right now in our relationship you can't respect my boundaries!” She yelled. Harry’s eyes widened as he laughed sarcastically.

“Married? What the fuck are you on about? I'm a junior in college. In what world would it make sense for me to be prepping a relationship for marriage? Once again I think you're being over dramatic.” Her eyes watered hearing Harry's statement.

“I- I guess I'm the only one in this relationship thinking about the future? I thought we were on the same page. I'm not planning our marriage now, obviously. I'm thinking about how elements of our relationship now could play out in the future when we do want to get married. You cheated on me last night. I went to a party you begged ME to go to only to be there for you. I wanted to be here cuddling with you, pigging out on fast food but I was at a party with you and got cheated on!” Her volume rises once again, making Harry shove his chair from underneath him when he stands up.

“You're doing too much right now. I'm not planning a future right now because I don't want this future! I want to be myself without thinking about how to appease my girlfriend. I invited you to the party so you could lighten the fuck up. I love you, I do, but I'm not thinking of marriage and futures. I'm thinking about my life right now and having fun.” Harry snapped right back at her. Her chin wobbled. Obviously her and Harry were on different pages. It hurt so much to hear him say that he didn't want a future with her. Harry didn't mean it though.

“Ok, well I guess that's my fault for assuming we were thinking along the same lines. Um, I don't want to hold you back from being yourself so with that being said, you are a free man Harry.” She pushed herself up from her bed walking to the door ready to escort Harry out.

“Huh? Love, what?” Harry was confused on how they got to this point. Just a few days ago they were in love, meeting in the library to share a lunch and exchanging sweet words determined by their love.

“Listen I have a day full of exams tomorrow so if you could just leave that would be best. You don't really want this so I'm letting you go, Harry.” She had tears rolling down her face, falling from her eyes down to her chin where they fell to the ground in droplets. Harry’s eyes welled up watching his love cry before him.

“I don't-”

“Harry, leave, please.” She opened the door making room for him to go through. He walked through the door turning to look at her. She turned her face away from him whispering a small goodbye before shutting the door. Harry was left in the silent hallway, so silent he could hear his thoughts and the tears hitting the tile floor beneath him. He thinks he stood there for at least thirty more minutes before accepting what had happened and walking away.

Leaving Y/N in her room sobbing like she had never done before. Her tears coated her face and she thought her head could explode right then and there. She didn't want to accept what had happened but she had priorities. She composed herself enough to start studying for her exams.

The week rolled by quickly, Monday meeting Friday in a flash. Exams were done and Christmas break was on the horizon. Students were piling off of campus in a hurry ready to get home to their loved ones. People were outside by cars loading up their winter necessaries and saying their goodbyes to their close friends.

Harry cried everyday this week. He wasn't normally a crier. He hated crying, he hated the feeling of crying and the headache that came from it. He cried because he realized how wrong he was. He missed Y/N. He missed finals week dinner together where they tried to get off campus at least once and be alone for a moment. He missed watching her relax while eating food that wasn't from their school's cafeteria. He would pay for their meal just so she could have one less thing to worry about. They would normally get frozen yogurt right after too, Y/N getting as many toppings as she wanted because Harry would be the one paying. He missed her tight after exam hugs. She would squeeze his shoulders tight, smiling into his neck, telling him how proud she was of him. She would bring him tea in the morning when they met for breakfast. Sometimes they would spend the night in one or the others room so they could have time together to destress and just talk.

Y/N wasn't doing any better. She normally went into exam week feeling confident. She studied too hard not to. But this week she felt like shit. Her heart hurt and she kept thinking about the fight. She feels like she overreacted but hearing Harry talk about their lack of a future hurt nonetheless. She really assumed that they did have a future that included marriage and a life together. She didn't understand where his sudden lack of commitment came from. She regretted dumping him but at the same time she wished he did more to get them back together but he was silent. He hasn't contacted her at all and avoided all of their spots on campus all together.

She stood by her car prepping for her six hours car ride back home. Packing away her clothes and some essentials in the trunk of her car, she heard light footsteps behind her. Closing her trunk she turned to see Harry standing with his hands in his pockets.  

“Hi.” He said. She looked at him, putting her own hands in her pockets. It was cold outside, the nippy air hinting at a possibility of snow.

“Hi Harry.” They shared a moment of silence together. Just staring at each other. It felt good to be near each other again. They felt like they could breathe again.

“I had to see you before you left. I know the break is only a month but I didn't want to leave without seeing you.” He replied quietly. She made him feel so shy. Her beauty always made him awestruck. Even in a hoodie with their college's logo and some large sweatpants and some fuzzy crocs, she was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

“I don't know what to say harry.”

“It's ok. I don't deserve anything from you after what I said. I just wanted to apologize and wish you a good break before you left. I also wanted to give you this.” He pulled a small box and envelope out of the front pocket of his backpack. “I know we agreed on no presents but I think thats a dumb rule and I love you too much to not get you something.” She smiled at his words, taking the gift from his hands.

“Thank you Harry, it means a lot to me. So what are your plans for a break?” She asked him, the tension that was in the air slowly dissipating.

“I couldn't get a flight home until next wednesday so i'll stay here on campus until then.” He shrugged.

“Oh ok. Well tell Anne I said hi. I have to go Harry but I'll see you after the break, ok?” She didn't want to leave him but she didn't want to drive through the dark.

“Ok, love. Drive safe. I lov- I mean have a good break.” Her chest tightened at his hesitation. She wants to hear him say the words but she knows he won't.

“Have a good break Harry.” She whispered. Before getting in her car she stood on her toes placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Rubbing her thumb across his cheek and turning away and into her car.

She drove away knowing that her heart was left in that parking lot in the hands of someone she loves way too much.

Harry stood in the parking lot watching his heart drive away for winter wanting nothing more than to be with her.

Part two

[thefanficmonster]

Stranger In The Crowd

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently ended the process of moving, Y/N is rightfully very tired but also very excited for the new chapter of her life. Funnily enough, this new chapter includes a newly formed long distance friendship/crush with a very special person from San Diego.

Requested by @boiled-onionrings Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request and I’m really sorry you’ve had to wait so long for it to be posted but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

I let out a heavy sigh, relieved to finally be at home after such a long day of standing around in the Georgia heat with only a thin layer of fabric to protect my eyes and head from the scorching sun. Yeah, anyone who says that tent did well at protecting everyone under it today is nothing but a liar. I was in a short, strapless white summer dress, the fabric of which barely had any weight and consistency to provide heat of its own yet I still damn near melted. Ok, I’ll admit, some of the roasting heat probably came from the energy and force I put into singing the songs of my band’s new album ‘Starting At The End’. 

The mini concert we held in this large open field was meant as an introduction to the city of Savannah where all the band members - myself included - are actually from but we all moved to the West Coast to pursue our music career. And now that we’ve grown, and the majority of us are married, one of us is a father now as well, we’ve decided to return to our hometown. The decision was so spontaneous and was executed so quickly due to no one objecting to it that it still hasn’t me that I’m no longer in LA. The heat isn’t helping my ‘processing’ process but I’ll get to it eventually. Do I miss LA though? Not sure I do - I think I more miss the people I was closer to while I was there.

Suddenly, as if perfectly timed, my phone dings, notifying me that I’ve received a message. I don’t have to look to know it’s from - there’s only one person I actively text and his name is....

C ~ Your virtual buddy Corpse here, making sure you didn’t die of a heatstroke today. If you did indeed survive, just reply to this message, if not....don’t do anything, I guess.

I can’t help but giggle at the sight of the message. I promised Corpse I’d text him after the concert to let him know I was ok, but the even dragged out for longer than anticipated so I’m guessing he got worried.

How cute.

Me ~ Alive and well, but I do feel like a popped tire of an overloaded truck. Hope that’s a visually appealing description

Corpse and I met on the charity livestream Jacksepticeye organized and invited our band to so we could play Among Us with some of the best gamers and streamers on the internet. It was a huge honor and a ton of fun, definitely an event I’d like to repeat in the near future because I had such a good time and I know all my bandmates did too. We all got acquainted and even became official friends with the gamers that were practically our hosts, Corpse becoming the closest friends I’d earn. That livestream happened months ago and we still text just as consistently.

C ~ Oh I know EXACTLY what you mean. Anyway, as to not exhaust you further to force you into typing, how about you send me pictures to sum up your thoughts and emotions and plans for the evening

This is OUR THING trademark, mine and Corpse’s and no one can take it away from us. It’s a significant element of our friendship that enables us both to understand one another when one of us feels the way I described in my message - a popped tire or a deflated balloon. I’m usually the exhausted one - blame the many shows we do and the many meet-and-greets we organize for our lovely fans. It’s the type of exhaustion none of the band members mind at all, but we definitely need some time to recover from it.

As I go to sit down on my couch, the flower crown I’ve been wearing slips off the top of my head, falling on the floor, creating a soft noise that attracts the attention of one of my many cats - Sasha. She’s the youngest and most curious kitty in the family, always protected by the other four - Luna, Cassie, Silver and Lynn. Those four are far lazier and a lot more disinterested in comparison to Sasha who immediately runs over to see what’s fallen.

I smile to myself, taking the flower crown and undoing it to lessen it by a few stems to make it smaller, all the while being watched by the curious Sasha whose interest is rewarded in the end when I put the now adorably tiny flower crown on her head.

While she still hasn’t shaken the thing off I manage to snap a pic which I send to Corpse who opens it mere seconds after it was delivered. 

C ~ Sasha’s pulling off your aesthetic better than you. Sorry, someone had to let you know

I burst out laughing for two reasons - 1.The message itself, damn it! It’s hilarious; 2. Corpse has learnt the name of each one of my cats and never mixes them up - not even Luna and Lynn who look almost identical. That amount of attention to detail is astonishing and very meaningful to me, it genuinely warms my heart and that may or may not be dramatic but it’s definitely not exaggerated.

Me ~ You think I haven’t caught on yet? 

C ~ Well, if it makes you feel any better you pull off my aesthetic better than I do

He’s referring to the e-girl look I did for one show the band had in downtown LA one night. I was drunk and looking forward to trying new things so I improvised the hell out of my outfit but I apparently looked presentable enough to leave a good impression on Corpse despite the pic I sent him being a bit blurry and being a mirror selfie in the bathroom of the very bar we were performing in. It goes without saying that the mirror was dirty too - had a bunch of writing on it which Corpse said only added to the aesthetic. Looking back on it now I kinda agree, and luckily so did the fans in the comments of that same photo when I posted it on Instagram.

Me ~ Means a lot actually. Nowhere near enough to aid the burn of having a cat pull off cottagecore better than I do, but still helps XD

As if sensing that we’re talking about her, Sasha hops on the couch, poking her head over my phone to look down at the screen.

Now this is gonna be golden.

I take a selfie with my phone in my lap, the camera capturing both me and Sasha at a rather unflattering angle which has me losing my mind laughing when I send the picture to Corpse who immediately sends back a string of cry-laughing emojis.

C ~ I can’t tell which one of you is cuter

Me ~ If that was a compliment, I gotta say I appreciate it greatly

C ~ Just telling the truth ;)

It’s times like these that the butterflies in my stomach remind me just why I’ve started catching feelings for this man despite all the distance between us and despite barely knowing him - he knows me more than I know him but I don’t mind it, oddly enough.

I’m fond of our connection and though I sometimes dream of something more, I’m also content with what we already have considering that ‘something more’ seems rather unattainable as of now.

My phone dings again, clearing the fog of thoughts and presenting me with a new message from Corpse.

C ~ Oh, by the way, look what I got....

That message is followed up by a picture of a ticket. A plane ticket to Georgia! 

While I’m still busy stomaching this and dealing with my quickly rising excitement, he sends another message.

C ~ I hope to catch a The Silver Rays concert while I’m there. Heard they had an adorable frontwoman ;)

My breath catches in my throat as a wide grin spreads across my face. The thought of having Corpse so close to me sends those aforementioned butterflies in my stomach into a raving mood and they practically explode my insides with excitement and joy like I’ve never felt it before. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that we’re about to go from having an entire country between us, to being just some ways away - him in the audience and me on stage without a single clue of who to look for. That’s part of the excitement though, I guess, part of the guessing game that’s gonna make our meeting all the more interesting.

He’ll be a stranger in the crowd and I’ll be a performer on a stage - seemingly two people who have no relation whatsoever. But damn does it go beyond that: No one has to know how hard I’m falling for that stranger in the crowd.

Me ~ I’ve heard so too, can’t confirm it though

If this is gonna be a guessing game, I’ll flip the tables a bit - I won’t take any guesses. I’ll let the answer come to me. I’ll give the first move over to the stranger in the crowd, let’s see what he does.

C ~ I’ll check and let you know, don’t worry

Not worried whatsoever, Corpsie. I’m not worried at all.

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[thatbritishactor]

Adventures in Success (part 7)

Adventures in Success (part 7)

Pairing : Ben Barnes x Reader

Warnings : None, this chapter’s FLUFFY AF.

Summary: Ben’s agent is retiring and the firm wants you to represent him. It’s going to be hard for you not to mix work with feelings.

Words: 3,000

Type: Slow Burn, Fluff

Part 1   Part 2     Part 3     Part 4    Part 5   Part 6   Part 8

gif by bnbrns

My masterlist

3 months later

Ben’s been back in LA for a few days when he receives a text from you. Ever since your text exchange while you were drunk, the two of you resumed on your usual banter, leaving the unfamiliar politeness behind, much to his relief. It feels like the emotional wall you’ve put up between you and him progressively came crawling down with every text exchange. You are scheduled to meet for dinner tonight, and he can’t wait to see you.

He’s surprised you haven’t contacted him as he received the best news he’s ever gotten in his entire career. He’s been nominated for the Volpi Cup, the award for best actor in the Venice Film Festival, for the Bong Joon Ho movie. When he got the news from the film crew, he almost cried tears of joy. He was incredibly proud, but most importantly, he knew you’d have to drop his contract, as you had agreed. He wondered how you felt about his nomination, and why you hadn’t contacted him right away. Had you found someone else? If so, was it serious? His heart jumped in his chest when he saw your name illuminating his screen. He opened your message eagerly.

You: Hi Ben, I know we were supposed to meet today for dinner, but I got the flu and i’ve been stuck home for the last two days. I’m still feverish and I can’t make it out I’m so sorry… :(

So, that was why you hadn’t contacted him. Selfishly, he preferred to know that you were stuck home with the flu than in the arms of another guy. He writes back to you:

Ben: I can come over and bring some soup, herbal tea and flu medicine :)

You: absolutely not Ben, I’d never forgive myself if you got the flu because of me.

He raises his eyebrows as he reads your message. He won’t let you get away with this.

Ben: I’m immune to the flu :) plus I have some verrry important news and I NEED to see you.

You: I cant let you see me this way :( I haven’t showered in two days and I look like shit.

Ben: I don’t care. I’m coming.

You: Fine, you’re the f***** worst.

Ben: see you in an hour :)

Ben can’t stop smiling as he gets in his car to go to the grocery store, he’s so gleeful he could break into a song and start dancing in the street.

* * * * * * * * *

He knocks on your door, familiar with your place as he’s already been here a few times, for movie nights mostly. He’s even slept on your convertible couch after some nights where the two of you drank too much. You open slightly the door and he catches a glimpse of your face.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you came” you sigh as you turn over and leave the door open. He laughs loudly.

“That’s no way to greet me after a six months separation” he protests.

He smiles widely when he notices that you’re wearing a blanket around your shoulders, sweat pants and fuzzy socks. You’re walking awkwardly around your living room, looking exhausted. Your hair his wet so you’ve definitely taken a shower before he arrived. You look pale, your nose is red, you have dark circles under your eyes. You definitely look sick, but still cute, he thinks to himself. He sets the grocery bag on the table while you sit on your couch, staring at nothing.

“So, I took some chicken soup” he announces “some herbal tea, honey for your throat, your favorite ice cream and some ibuprofen”. He looks back at you, you’re wiping your nose with a tissue. You look so precious, he wants to hold you close and kiss you. He resists the urge and sets the items on your living room table, before making a trip to your kitchen to set the ice cream in the freezer.

“Thank you, Ben, that’s so kind of you” you reply weakly when he enters the living room. “I think my temperature’s rising again, I don’t feel too good” you add in a weak voice. He comes to sit next to you on the couch and presses a hand to your forehead. It’s clammy and hot, you’re burning up.

“Yep, feels like you’re having a fever” he states “I’ll get you some ibuprofen” he says, getting back up and heading to your kitchen to get a glass of water. He comes back a few seconds later and you’re lying on your side, your legs pressed to your chest, softly whining.

“It’s okay, I’m here” he says in a smooth voice. He crouches next to you and hands you the pill and the glass of water. You stare at him with glassy eyes.

“I can’t believe you came” you say, repeating the first words you’ve uttered to him when he got here.

“I told you, I have some important news to tell you” he says, smiling.

“But you’re seeing me like this” you whine, gesturing towards yourself. “I look like a monster” you say, closing your eyes.

“That’s not true, you look sick” he protests “You still look pretty and cute, don’t worry”, he adds with a grin. You hide your face in a cushion, not replying.

“Come on, take the pill” he says patiently. You open your eyes again and slowly sit.

“Thank you” you whisper, your hands trembling a bit.

“Do you want to eat something?” he asks, concerned.

You nod to say no “I’m not hungry” you say, wincing.

“When’s the last time you ate?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

You look away, thinking, scrunching your nose a bit. God you’re cute, he thinks, having to resist the urge to kiss you again.

“I don’t really remember” you reply “The fever’s making the last few days blurry” you add, scrubbing your eyes.

“I’m gonna get you some soup” he says, and he goes to the kitchen to get you a spoon.  He puts the kettle on to make you some tea as well, because he wouldn’t be a true British person of he didn’t.

“It’s still warm” he says, coming back in the living room. You nod as you patiently wait for him to bring you the soup, and sigh when he gives you the warm bowl.

“So, what’s the big news?” you ask.

“It can wait.” Ben answers, rubbing your arm to warm you up, seeing you shivering.

“But you came for that” you protest, drinking your soup.

“I came to see you” he replies, smiling softly.

You nod your head, closing your eyes “This is so good” you say.

“I’m glad you like it” he replies, getting comfortable on the couch. “Do you want to watch something?” he asks, gesturing towards your TV. “A comforting movie, perhaps?”

You look at him, smiling softly “Yeah, I could watch something” you say “I’ve spent the last two days in bed” you add.

“What do you want to watch?” he asks, looking intently at you. Even when you’re sick, you still have the same effect on him. His chest feels a bit tight and he desperately wants to touch you. You think for a few seconds before smiling slowly, your eyes looking heavy. You look so tired and weak, it breaks his heart “Princess Bride” you reply, looking content.

He laughs “Princess Bride it is!” he replies as he turns the TV on. He goes back to the kitchen to fetch you your tea, adding a generous amount of honey to soothe your throat. He comes back in the room and you’re standing next to the sofa.

“Could you unfold the couch?” you ask weakly, looking up at him. “I want to fall asleep in front of the film” you add.

He has the resist the urge to cup your face with both of his hands and kiss you. “Of course” he replies, happy to feel useful to you. He expertly unfolds the sofa, and you climb on it right away, still wrapped in your blanket. He lies down next to you and launches the movie. He feels genuinely content in this moment, thinking that there’s no place where he’d rather be, because he’s with you. He thinks to himself that he simply needs your company to feel whole and happy, and he realizes, for the hundredth time, how serious his feelings are for you. He glances at you and sees that you’re shivering.

“Are you alright?” he asks, concerned.

“I’m so cold” you reply, hugging yourself.

“I’ll get another blanket” he replies, and you reach for his arm before he gets up.

“Can you hold me?” you ask, looking at him. His heart explodes with joy in his chest and he tries to control his facial expression.

“Of course” he replies softly with an even voice, and he’s impressed with himself. He slides closer to you on the sofa and opens his arms, and you snuggle against him, sighing, seeming satisfied.

“You smell so good” you say after a few seconds.

He laughs. Why do you need to be in an altered state to say these things to him? Drunk or feverish? What stops you from saying how you feel? Why do you have to control yourself this much? he thinks bitterly.

“Thank you” he replies, his heart beating fast in his chest.

“Why do you have to be so perfect?” you ask, your eyes closed. You seem like you’re slowly falling asleep.

“What do you mean?” he asks, still half laughing.

“You’re smart, kind, funny, unbearably handsome.” you reply, yawning, before snuggling your face against his chest.

“You’re not so bad yourself” he replies softly, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head.

“I’m not good enough for you” you reply, and your eyes are closed, your expression relaxed.

“What? That’s nonsense” he replies, frowning and aghast.

“Hmmmm...” you reply, your head falling a bit, and he understands that you’ve fallen asleep now. He looks back at the TV, distracted. Is that why you won’t date him? Using the excuse of being his agent? Because you’re insecure? He frowns as he ponders on this, still holding you against him. Your breathing is even and your face relaxed, and he feels happy and privileged to see you this way, unguarded and natural. He falls asleep before the movie ends, sill suffering from jet lag.

* * * * * * * * * *

You open your eyes, waking from the fever dream you were just having. You feel sweaty and cold, coming down from your fever. You look around you and find Ben lying next to you, asleep. You stare at his beautiful face for a few seconds, lit by the glowing screen of the TV. You usually can’t stare at him as much as you want to, so you indulge fully. You look at his eyes, his long lashes, the beauty spot you love so much. His nose, his mouth, his beard. His cheekbones, the soft curve of his lips. You heart aches in your chest, you find him so beautiful it almost makes you want to weep.

You close your eyes and sigh deeply, and decide to get up and take a shower to clean the sweat off yourself. You get up slowly, in order not to wake him up, and head to your bedroom. You set out a clean set of pajamas (the good fancy ones, because Ben’s here after all, and you’ll definitely look better in them than in your old sweat pants) and hop in the shower, happy to feel the warmth of the water on your skin. You close your eyes and try to focus to analyze the situation. It’s hard because you’re still feverish, and you feel groggy.

He’s here, you think to yourself, in awe. He came, only to take care of you. You shake your head as you realize how much he must care about you to have come all the way here. He could be anywhere, with anyone, and yet he decided to come to you. You nod your head as you take in the realization and try to calm your nerves. Once you’re done cleaning yourself, you step out of the shower, fold yourself into a towel and go brush your teeth, wanting to feel clean and fresh. You stare at your own reflection, unimpressed. What does he see in you? You simply don’t understand. He could have any woman, any beautiful actress in the industry, any gorgeous model, why does he waste his time with you? You shake your head, unable to comprehend what he sees in you. You step into your bedroom, put on a clean set of underwear before putting on your Pjs.

You tip toe in the living room again and turn off the TV screen. Ben shuffles in his sleep, sighing, and you lie down next to him. You could go back to your bed, but you can’t resist being so close to him. You’ve missed him so much these last few months, and your feelings for him are so strong. You reach for his hand and grab it softly, wanting to have a physical contact with him. He wakes up at the contact and your heart drops in your chest. He opens lazily his eyes, and they seem completely black in the dark.

“Hey” he whispers, smiling softly. “Feeling better?”

“A bit” you sigh back, your chest feeling horribly tight. You could kiss him, right here, right now. Nothing can stop you, except yourself.

“C’me here” he says, and he opens his arms. You don’t hesitate for a second, turning your back on him and snuggling close to him. He spoons you, holding you close, his arms around you. You close your eyes, thinking you’ve never been this happy before, and quickly fall asleep.

* * * * * * * * * *

You wake up to the smell of pancakes and sigh happily. You stretch on the couch and slowly open your eyes, trying to assess how you feel. You’re still a bit sore and your throat hurts, but you don’t feel feverish anymore. You look around you and Ben’s woken up, probably in the kitchen judging by the sounds coming from it. You quickly get up, panicked, and run to your bathroom. You assess the mess as you stare at yourself in the mirror, and decide to brush your teeth first. You brush your hair, put fresh water on your face and breathe evenly to calm yourself. You’re not thrilled by the way you look, but at least you look a little more human. You tip toe to the kitchen and you hear Ben singing, bringing a bright smile to your face.

You enter and he’s cooking pancakes, and you think to yourself that the man has no mercy for you. First, coming to take care of you while you’re sick, secondly, making you pancakes in the morning. How is he even real? You ask yourself. He spots you and stops singing:

“Morning sunshine, how are you feeling?” he asks, grinning.

“A little better, thank you”, you reply as you take a sit on the counter.

“Ahhh, finally some good news”, he says, grinning. How does he look so good? You ask yourself. The man’s slept in his clothes, hasn’t taken a shower yet and he looks like the most beautiful person in the world. You grind your teeth, annoyed by him.

“Did you sleep well?” you ask, blushing.

“Never better” he winks, and you blush even more.

“So, what about these big news you wanted to tell me?” you ask, raising an eyebrow. He slides a plate with pancakes and a cup of tea towards you, and you grab it eagerly.

“Well, I guess you haven’t heard since you were stuck in here with a fever” he starts, and he looks intently at you. “I’ve been nominated for best actor at the Venice Film Festival” he announces.

You choke on your tea and slide off the counter “Oh my God, Ben!!” you yell, and you jump at his neck to hug him, screaming with joy. He laughs as he catches you, and the two of you stand here for a while, hugging. Your breathing slows a bit and you step back “Congratulations” you say, looking up at his face, and the expression on his face makes you weak in the knees. There is tenderness, and a hunger, a want that makes you quiver.

“Thank you” he replies “I’d never had gotten there without you” he says as he puts a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You blush and turn over to grab your tea, before facing him again.

“I have something to ask you” he says, “a favor”.

“Anything, Ben” you say, smiling.

“By my guest at the film festival” he asks. “Come with me, please.”

You stop smiling and you feel sudden dread.

“Ben, I could neve-”

“I don’t want anyone else but you” he cuts you off “by my side, on this day. Please” he begs, and you get lost in his charcoal eyes, unable to resist him.

“Fine”, you sigh, and he grins widely.

“Thank you” he replies “I’ll send you the details” he winks, quoting back to you one of your favorite expressions. You blush again, feeling self conscious.

“I have to go” he says, “I’ll talk to you soon?” he adds, seeming hopeful.

“All right” you reply, still feeling weak in the knees. He steps closer to you, and he gently cups your face with both hands, before placing a light kiss on your forehead. He releases you and grabs his jacket. “Have a nice day” he says, winking, before leaving the kitchen.

You stare into the void as you hear your front door slamming, unable to process what just happened.

Part 8

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[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

How Bad is Sia’s “Music” really?

I watched it illegally (because there was no way I was paying for that bullshit) and found out. It’s not as bad as we thought... It’s worse.

TW for ableism, Sia, drugs, alcohol, just in general a terrible movie, meltdowns, blackface

Literally the first thing you hear while they’re showing the production companies is THOSE stereotypical noises. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know what I mean.

And yes, she does this for the WHOLE fucking movie

What was the need to show her in her underwear? Maddie Ziegler was 14 when this was made, so what was the need??? And why did Sia prolong the scene by having her hitting herself?

Less than a minute in and my reaction was already “what the fuck is this shit?”

So the opening number not only had stereotypical exaggerated facial expression, it has Maddie in BLACKFACE?!? And with culturally appropriated hair?!?

The exaggerated facial expressions are literally constant and I took photos during the film to show it, more later, but I’ll keep mentioning it

ITS LITERALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN

Even her way of walking is fucking offensive, Jesus Christ

The vocalisations just had me cringing so hard, I cannot describe how awful it made me feel

Why do all the neighbours need to be paid off and help her when she goes for a walk? I don’t-

Yes, by about the five minute mark I was already seriously debating all my life decisions. It was that bad.

Kate Hudson really didn’t give a fuck that her grandma died

I will keep saying it but WHY are the facial expressions/vocalisations CONSTANT?!! Literally they do not stop at all. I work with a child who is actually similar to this in that he’s nonverbal and he makes similar noises/faces, but the way they’re in this movie is so over-exaggerated?!? And even the kid I work with doesn’t do it 24/7?!?

Sia, calling your characters Zu and Music doesn’t make them interesting in the slightest. They’re still painfully terrible and one dimensional

Literally ONE minute after being left alone with her autistic sister, Zu calls the mental health service asking if they could “theoretically” “pick up” her sister?!? Like she wants to get rid of her already?!?

“A magical little girl” - autism isn’t a magical power?!? And Music is a young woman, not a little girl?!? Why are you infantilising her?!?

Okay I’m not being funny but this choreography is NOT hard. ANYONE can do it, so claiming that you needed to hire a dancer to be Music because of the numbers is literally bullshit (and even so, there are so many amazing autistic actors and dancers?!?)

20 minutes in and I wanted to give up

So she had her first meltdown because her hair didn’t get braided immediately and that’s... certainly interesting??

The fact that Leslie Odom’s character says “I’m going to crush you now”?!?

AND THEN HE FUCKING PICKS HER UP AND FULL-BODILY PINS HER DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR

“I’m crushing her with my love” - oh fuck you, just fuck you

So Sia lied, the restraint scenes were NOT removed and there was no warning. She’s a fucking POS liar

I have no idea why he’s called Ebo or why he has such a cliche African accent?!? I might have missed out on why because I was busy trying not to bang my head into the table while I watched this film but just... yikes

“He (his brother) liked to be held” - YEAH, HELD. NOT FUCKING CRUSHED

“He is dead now” - IM NOT FUCKING SURPRISED IF YOU CRUSHED HIM LIKE THAT

The constant babying and patronizing of the autistic character is so exhausting to watch. I’m so tired

“Planning on sending her to the people pound but I guess I’ll keep her a little longer” - SHE WAS JOKING BUT THAT WAS NOT EVEN REMOTELY A FUNNY JOKE. NOT EVEN IN AN AWKWARD WAY

STOP THE FACES IM-

^ YEAH, Sia, totally a fucking love letter to the autistic community here ^

So Zu finds this necklace she made as a kid that had a little dog on it, and she says to Music, “He had seizures too, just like you”... MELTDOWNS AND SEIZURES ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME FUCK THIS MOVIE-

It’s like Sia is trying to make the movie funny but it’s really not at all

Is Zu implying that Music is autistic because the mum was a junkie?!?

For real though, the dialogue in general is so fucking awful and cringey. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed to write again

Did she seriously leave her autistic sister alone to talk to who I’m presuming was her dealer or loan shark?!?

Also why is he - a white dude - wearing cornrows?!?

So who is the film really about? The autistic girl or the older sister saviour? I think we all know the answer to that one

WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND WITH HER TEETH JUTTING OUT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME

The musical numbers are literally so painful to watch. The overly bright colours, the flashing... my eyes were hurting and so was my brain

Autism representation aside for a second, the musical numbers/choreography are all fucking atrocious. Ditto for the costumes

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE PINK OOMPA LOOMPA FRUIT THINGS?!? THEY LOOK LIKE THE PINK VERSIONS OF VIOLET BEAUREGARDE THE BLUEBERRY

I wanted to cry by this point, this movie is far more awful than I thought

“I’m not saying she doesn’t want to change, I’m saying she can’t” - FUCK YOU. Why is it okay for him to assume what she can or can’t do

Can I just say that autistic people aren’t constantly in a coked up wonderland state?!! We don’t see the world as a wonderland fantasy world 24/7?!!

“She can hear you from two rooms away” / *shows her listening through two brick walls to a conversation* — Also, we don’t have super fucking sonic hearing?? WE CANT HEAR THROUGH FUCKING BRICK WALLS?!?

“She can understand everything you’re saying to her” - she’s autistic not fucking deaf

Less than 45 minutes in, there’s another meltdown in the park

“I’m not climbing on top of a small screaming white girl in public” - yeah please fucking don’t

So Zu fucking pins her down with her weight 🤦‍♀️

“She doesn’t know who she’s hitting” - IM SORRY WHAT

EBO LITERALLY SAID “TREAT HER LIKE A BEAR” when talking her through the prone restraint, I fucking CANNOT

“Tell her she’s safe” - NOT IF YOU FUCKING RESTRAIN HER LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT

The fact that she gets up, smiling and happy after a meltdown and immediately is excited to get a snow cone... I can honestly say that after a meltdown, I am in no way happy or smiling. I am often not very verbal and I’m withdrawn/not myself for at least several hours, usually the rest of the day. Fuck this film

This film is literally just about Zu, and Music is there for a plot device to give her character development. That’s all she’s there for.

Love how Sia shoehorned Zu being suicidal in there. You know, just to try and make her more easy to sympathize with (it doesn’t work)

This film is literally just a 1 hour 47 minute Sia music video with ZERO plot

WHY WERE THEY WEARING PILLOW DIAPERS IN ONE NUMBER-

I really did not feel into the side plot with that guy who was fighting but it was still better than the actual movie so...

I am SO DONE with the NON STOP CONSTANT vocal shit. So tired.

LOJ’s only role in this film is to be the stereotypical wise black guy who assists a white woman’s story. There’s like hardly any other depth there

The Ebo/Zu romance is so fucking stupid and pointless and out of NOWHERE. I couldn’t even tell if they were into each other or not

I was already so bored of the musical numbers by this point. They added NOTHING to the plot but they pretended they did, and I was so over it. And it’s not because I’m not “creative enough” or anything to understand, I love musicals and I think it could have been cool if done right... but it wasn’t. They were a mess. It’s just bad.

Sia really tried to pretend her movie was deep but really it’s a shallow mess

So Zu is meeting rich drug clients and says to Music “try not to have one of your freak outs up there” and “if you could try to get it out now”... FUCKING YIKES. It’s not an on/off button, shut the fuck up

YEP THIS WAS THE SIA CAMEO FUCK THAT BITCH

The fact that she just calls “DRUG DEALER?!? DRUG DEALER IS THAT YOU”, fucking end this please-

I fucking hate this bitch I’m dead serious

“We’re gonna send them to Haiti cause there’s been an earthquake. All these buildings fell down, children’s bones were dislocated” - WHY WAS SHE SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT

“Gonna buy a shit load of pain meds, gonna but them on my private plane” - FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

“Pop stars without borders” - Sia thinks she’s so clever but I would give anything to punch her I swear-

ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER JUST STOP IM BEGGING YOU

There’s this awkward conversation/bit with Zu and her drug dealer/loanshark about his outfit that was clearly meant to be funny but was just flat and painful

Yep, Sia really showed Music eating chewing gum off the underside of a park bench. Of course.

Look, the kid I work with does similar stuff by putting literally anything and everything in his mouth but like... why would you put that in your movie?

And there’s no indication before this that Music puts everything and anything in her mouth, she just randomly decides to get on her knees, under the bench and eat chewing gum, like she calculates that it’s there and gets it???

She has a THIRD meltdown after an allergic reaction to a bee sting and her sister just yells at her before realizing... I’m not here for this movie, I feel like I drifted off and was not really there

So Zu got angry because she left the drugs at the park but she’s not that upset that her sister had an allergic reaction???

Zu gets absolutely drunk because a) she lost Sia’s drugs and b) she’s stressed out by her autistic sister... wow, great message, Sia!

She really fucked off and left her sister alone to go clubbing/on a bender

The less said about the musical number here the better

Sia’s movie also checks the box of having stereotypical Asian parents, specifically stereotypical Asian dad being harsh/angry and hitting his wife!

ALSO HE PUSHED AND KILLED HIS SON WTF IS HAPPENING

Less than 3 minutes after the last, there’s a musical number that I think was about this side character going to heaven... another shitty Sia-esque number

The patterns during the number made my brain hurt.

Also there are so many autistic actors who can also dance, and yet Sia chose the neurotypical one because ✨ N E P O T I S M ✨

I just want to know how it was deemed necessary to show the fact the autistic character peed/wet herself? I mean... ??? It’s just so undignified and not at all necessary to the plot. Nothing happens after that, it just moves onto the next scene and it didn’t do anything

“I have no one” - 1) YOUR FUCKING SISTER. 2) GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY, couldn’t be that you’re a shitty human being?!?

There’s a scene where Music is walking and she does ALL the stereotypical behaviours at once... just YIKES

Zu somehow stopped another meltdown just by grabbing Music by the shoulders and sitting her down???

Aaand yep. Another shitty musical number

Zu really goes to put her sister in a fucking facility and claims it’ll be “better for her” - BULLSHIT. Better for Zu, maybe, not Music.

Ah yes - the girl who the characters have said has problems with routines being changed/change in general... you’re now going to fuck up her routine by dumping her in a facility. Perfect Plan.

The nonverbal autistic girl suddenly speaking to say “don’t go” - you can just predict it from the off, can’t you?

Love that as soon as Music starts talking, Zu is like “fuck it, I’ll keep her!”

Zu really went and crashed Ebo’s brothers wedding... in a fucking bralette... YIKES

“I almost gave Music away” - SHE IS NOT A DOG YOU DONT GIVE PEOPLE AWAY

“We should sing a song” - PLEASE DO FUCKING NOT

Also that kiss/romance montage between Zu and Ebo was the CRINGIEST fucking shit ever

This movie seems to be implying that Music has locked in syndrome or something, like she’s locked in her own head or whatever it’s called, and I just... *sigh*

Oh and now Music magically fucking sings in a room FULL of strangers... this is literally embarrassing, please let this end

I mean it, this movie was fucking painful to watch on ever level

She got a service dog puppy which... okay?

Oh look, it’s the only decent song on the soundtrack but with an absolutely shitty over-stimulatory music video with the credits!

I can only name 5 characters in this film. Maybe 7 at a push, but even then I would be guessing

AND YEP SHE THANKED AUTISM SPEAKS OVER THE CREDITS. FUCK YOU SIA 🖕🏻

Let me reiterate: this is a movie about a neurotypical former drug addict whose character development comes from the autistic character, from having an autistic sister she has to take care of. I’m so tired.

We are NOT plot devices or tools for character development. Not once does anyone in this film treat Music like a human being - she’s treated as a burden, a problem, and then like a pet that they decide to keep. Not once is the film focused on how she is feeling - it’s always about Zu or Ebo. The performance itself was so over exaggerated and it made me want to cry when I watched it because this is how the world sees us, and this movie will make it ten times worse. It’s stuff like this that made me think “I don’t want to be labelled as autistic because people will think I’m a certain way”, that made me wait so long before going to the GP to get a referral.

As I said, poor autistic representation aside, the movie is just so appallingly bad. It truly is one of the worst films I’ve watched. If you’re going to watch it, please don’t - or, if you want to because you want to see how bad it is/to raise awareness/critical posts, at least do it illegally. Do not give Sia your money.

[wizkiddx]

Blurb req- Tom and the reader on a private jet hungover? just pure fluff?

fluffy requests are well and truly open ( bcos I adored writing this ahah) and let me know what u think , I am deff not a writer so any feedback or tips would be v appreciated :))

summary: tomhollandxactress!reader - a wrap party followed by an early morning flight and a grumpy Harry, what could possibly go wrong?

warning: mentions of alcohol and sickness

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The remorse. The regret. It only made the pounding in your head even worse. Why those two 1.5 litre bottle of Bacardi had been brought out was beyond you. Why the you six of you had then decided to empty said bottle was even more of a mystery. It wasn’t like any of you had needed it, you’d all been more than ‘merry’ prior to the cheap rum and coke. 

Hence the state of you, Tom and Harry as well as your manager Davey and Tom’s team of Rachel and Andrew. All having made very little effort with your appearance - joggers and hoodies all round, with you and Rachel also sporting sunglasses because you were simply smarter than the boys. Thankfully, this wasn’t a big trip that fans knew about, this was you and Tom moving location under cover  - the studios didnt want anybody to know that either of you made a feature in this film, so everything was under the cover of darkness. Which to be honest you were not complaining about. However, you were complaining about the fact the flight had been scheduled to leave at 7 am the night after your wrap party though.

The two of you had just wrapped your most recent and most ambitious movie to date - hence the massive celebrations last night for just surviving and getting it done. It had been the most intense 3 months of your life, there had been times you’d cry for hours on end, times you just wanted to quit fully knowing you’d never be hired again for leaving a multimillion dollar company in the lurch.But you all, somehow, had survived. So celebrations were in order of course but perhaps not as far as you all managed last night?

Your whole convey appeared to have travelled to the airfield in absolute silence, no one particularly fancied hearing anyone else’s voice- which to be honest seemed quite fair. You’d ridden in a car with Tom and Harry, with you resting your head on Tom’s broad shoulder - which had obviously made Harry gag, rolling his eyes. Bless Harry, really he was the only reason you and Tom had got together, after getting sick of the mutual pining he’d been forced to live with during the previous 2 projects you’d worked on together. But now, having had to put up with the two of you being so ridiculously loved up for the past 3 months - understandably a bit of distance from you and his brother was overdue. 

One of the flight attendants busied themselves loading your luggage, whilst the pilot asked you and Tom for a photo. Of course, you weren’t going to say no however you did have to cringe at how rough you both looked. His teenage daughter certainly would be less excited to see that her Dad hadn’t met Tom Holland and Y/n Y/l/n. Instead he’d met the zombified, undead and rougher frauds. Still you smiled as much as you could, wincing when you removed the glasses and the early morning sun pierced your restricted pupils. God it wasn’t your day. 

The guy didn’t seem to mind though, excitedly hurrying off onto the plane to settle in the rest of you - leaving just you and Tom outside on the tarmac. 

“Poor guy, we look like shit.” You murmured while taking a step closer to lean slightly into his side. 

“Speak for yourself love.’Tom snickered into the top of your head, after pulling you completely into his chest. This wasn’t normally allowed, your relationship still wasn’t public and both of you intended on keeping it private for as long as possible. But you were in an otherwise empty field in the middle of nowhere (somewhere in Georgia) before 8 am. It was actually quite nice to feel your boyfriends arms round you in the outside world, especially when you felt this shit. After a few moments you pulled away, arching back at Tom’s pouty face as you motioned it was time to get on the plane. 

“’S too late you know.” Your brows furrowed at his half formed sentence, facial expression only demanding him to explain more. “They all have already taken the good seats… Harry basically sprinted on so he can hog the bed thing.” In response it was your turn to pout, groaning as you fell back into his chest again. Yes, this was a complete first world issue, a private jet paid completely by your bosses was not something a lot would moan about. Truly you were grateful for everything you had in life, but with the worst hangover of your life when the opportunity of lying down for 6 hours instead of being stuck in a chair had manifested itself… well of course you felt robbed by your almost brother Harry. 

Chuckling at your reaction, he gave you an extra squeeze before leading the both of you up the stairs to the cabin. Sure enough Harry had completely and totally claimed the longer couch at the far end of the plane, lying on his stomach with his face hidden in the crook of his elbow. Rolling your eyes at the predictable situation, you didn’t miss Davey laughing at your sorry state - nmaking you throw daggers at him in your eyes. 

Davey was your second father, the relationship between the two of you far transcended any professional working one. Which is why the two of you acting like this was very much a norm and not rude at all. He had also got the next best seat in the corner with the most leg room which he clearly loved to show off. 

Unsurprisingly then you and Tom ended up squashed into the corner with your legs crumpled up together in the small space floor space. The brunette opposite you didn’t seem to mind so much but that was because he had an adaptational advantage. He could sleep anywhere and everywhere , whenever he wanted. On set if he was tired? Just take a ten minute power nap on the floor. Bored of a long car journey? Just conk out against the window. It absolutely infuriated you, as no matter how hard and how exhausted you were - it was rare you could get any further than a light doze. Even before the two go you got together, having a best mate that could skip all the boring bits and was immune to jet lag… you can see how that makes you want to punch him square in the face.

After a short safety talk from the pilot and flight attendant, the plane whirred into life and you were up in the air. Although in your current state, it would be reasonable to assume the beauty of flying had somewhat rubbed off - you were certain it never would. No matter how many flights you took across country ,and in fact continents, for work; you’d never get sick of watching the view below you. It was perfect and breathtaking and took your mind off the pounding in the back of your head for the first 20 minutes.

Until the need for sleep took over as either you need to be unconcious or you were going to vomit - which you really didn’t want to do at 40,000 feet in a tin box. Trying to rearrange your limbs to get comfier you accidentally knocked Tom’s leg rather forcefully, causing him to jump half out his seat, heavy eyes blinking quickly as he tried to get his baring as to what was attacking him - quickly answered by your guilty look. 

“You okay love?” His voice was slurred, sounding almost sleep drunk - but perhaps was just actually still a little drunk. You’d only headed to bead last night at 4 am and had to be up at 6 - which isnt very long for your poor kidneys to try and process the stupid amount of alcohol you’d both  happily been chugging the night before.

“Feel shitty and cant sleep.” You weren’t in the mood to white lie - honestly some sympathy from your beautiful boyfriend seemed like a dream at the moment. Tom’s idea was better though.

“C’mere then.” His arms outstretched, you immediately jumped into his lap - the two of you shifting about to get comfortable till you were sat side on to him, your bum and back leaning against the arm rest of the chair with your legs going over his thighs and pressing against the wall of the plane. Pulling you closer to his chest, Tom took a deep breath as he pressed his chin against the crown of your head; your face now nested into his chest. 

Nothing needed to be said as the two of you melted into each others bodies, the slow and deepening breathing enough to prove to each other you were both incredibly contented in that moment. More than that you felt safe- you’d admitted to Tom some weeks ago that you had never ever slept better than when he was beside you. Yeh it was cringey but sometimes that’s allowed right? 

… well not to Harry. Because as the plane was about to begin it’s descent, the pilot had tasked Harry (who had slept off the worst of the hangover and had spent the last 30 minutes of the flight scoffing at how adorable the two of you looked fast asleep together) - even after Rach had scalded him and had taken a photo of the two of you on her phone. 

Causing Harry to ,ever subtly, wake the two of you up by throwing his half empty water bottle over your heads. 

Safe to say, Harry very nearly didn’t leave that jet alive.

[palukoo]

ok I know you've talked about them within the abbey, donna, cj, amy group but I'd love to hear your thoughts on abbey/cj specifically –– their dynamic has always fascinated me and of course the gay in me thinks there's a level of... attraction between them? like they've known each other for so long but the power dynamic is clearly enforced and of course abbey and jed are happily together but I can just sense this deep connection between them and wanted to know what you thought :)

thank you for the ask! abbey and cj are... a lot to unpack! so it's going under a cut lmao

I talk a lot about them here, but i can expand! first i would like to point out that abbey's first line in tww is in fact "CJ!" and her second line is "nice threads, girl. showing a little décolletage wouldn't kill you dead." so! there's that!

basically... yeah, they have great chemistry, and they're some of the only women who would have been at a upper level of things during the campaign, so it makes sense to have this easy friendship between them that we see early on, and in various moments throughout but... there's also a lot about them that is heavy.

which is. i mean, a lot of it is that they do have this easy friendship, but they also both have this experience of being... not taken seriously, as women in male dominated fields and like also specifically as politicians. and so that lets them have this deeper thing where you can get glimpses of how deeply they trust each other and care for each other. the examples i'll always go to for that are abbey saying "i wanted to be there when you were told" in the fall's gonna kill you, and how unfazed she is by the fact that cj... kind of knew something (there's a lot to unpack there too), and "abbey, come sit on my couch for a minute" in 25 (that's another scene i need to do a full analysis on, really) because in that one, there's so much with the way they speak and look to each other. so much. and, yeah, "claudia jean" "ma'am" "let's go get drunk" in dead irish writers is funny but it's also very, very sad and vulnerable in a way.

but there's also a lot of conflict between them, yes, after cj becomes chief of staff, but before that, too, because... i'm gonna get off track for a second here. in in the shadow of two gunmen flashbacks, abbey says jed "doesn't like to be handled" which is true, but also very true of abbey, i feel? and... a lot of cj's job is, in essence, handling things? like i think abbey has really complicated feeling on the whole publicity side of things (she's good at it, she's charming, she sort of likes... i don't want to say the attention because that's not it, but she's great in a crowd, but it also exhausts her and frustrates her) and cj is the publicity side of things. i think she also just more generally gets frustrated with all of the staff and white house and all that because of how she feels about it in relation to jed, and her family. i... also always have to bring up "mrs. bartlet, may I say, we miss you" "that's very kind. please don't be offended if i say i don't miss you." because it's so cutting and it's not about cj but it also is because even if they're friends, even if abbey likes her, she is one of them.

oh hey you know what that segues perfectly into? how tangled cj gets into abbey and jed's marriage issues, because you can't really talk about cj and abbey without talking about that (or at least i cant) because they both mean a lot to cj, and cj hates watching them be angry at each other, and cj likes to mediate. you know why that's a good segue? because one line later, abbey says "we get newspapers up here, cj, you don't have to apologize for him not coming. i asked him not to" which is just. a lot. and then like. i've talked a fair amount on how messy that gets once cj is chief of staff and jed's getting worse, because it makes me crazy! basically like, cj's loyalty to jed and to the country and to her job make it really, really hard for abbey and cj to get along, but i don't know that i've talked enough about like, the fact that cj does kind of defer to abbey at first, and that's for jed as much as it is for abbey, but it's also something that really highlights this awkward shift in their power dynamics (ah! i didn't talk much about that here but if you've read the dead irish meta oh boy do i talk about it) and how much cj doesn't like conflict with abbey (i mean, i don't think she really likes conflict at all, but you know) (you also see this is how much she doesn't say in dead irish writers) and it also... is interesting because i wouldn't say that abbey is deliberately undermining cj's authority, really (maybe more so when she goes through kate) but she still is, and like. cj understands why but that still has to hurt and make her a little angry? the same way that the limits to cj's loyalty to abbey, and being sort of handled, etc have to bother abbey.

hey, on a lighter note, remember when cj said "well, you've gotta want it" when sam said he didn't see abbey being a lesbian? yeah, that's something if you take it wildly out of context

[enigma-im]

Working for the Weekend

Rating: mature Relationship: Orc x Female!Human Warning: Cursing, punching people, courting orc, Bar maiden, courting rituals, orcs, elves, dwarves

Word Count:4177

‘I punched an elf and now this orc has become a regular at the bar’

Part 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "What is with orcs and bars, it's so stereotypical by now," Matilda asks me. I glance over at her with a smirk.

"Just like how stereotypical that the waitresses at these orc infested bars are normal curvy and busty," I hip check her.

Matilda looks down at her cleavage," can't help that. Men around here respond nicer to us thick ladies."

"Damn straight," Ed down the bar says. He is an old Dwarf who has been here every Saturday night since the place opened.

"See, they just have good taste," Matilda laughs.

"need another one Ed," I glance down the bar. He looks over then taps his almost empty tanker to the table. I walk over and refill his mug. Handing it back to him with a wink.

"Oh the fairest of them all," he stares dreamily," what I wouldn’t give to be 20 years younger. I could give you a run for your money."

I roll my eyes," Always the charmer Ed. Could talk a cobra out of a basket." he laughs before chugging his beer. I give a grin before turning back to the crowd.

For a Saturday it was fairly slow. The crowd was dispersed at their own tables. A few Elves talking beside the hearth. A group of miner dwarves singing near the back wall. Then near the door is a small cluster of orcs. Seen them a few nights but not enough to get to know them. It’s a nice night, going to get some good tips from those nearly piss drunk dwarves.

A little while later as the crowd dwindles the door opens. Ringing the small bell above the frame. I glance up from the bar I'm wiping down. Its another orc, a little smaller than the rest. He takes a booth seat near the opposite corner of the door. He rests his head against the wall and relaxes.

"You think he will be the last of the night," I ask Matilda. She glances to where I'm looking.

"Probably, hasn’t been that busy today. You don’t mind taking him right," she asks," I still have to check the kegs in the back. Ritz wants them recounted before he orders another batch."

"Yeah sure, just holler if you need help," I wipe my hands on the rag. I look back over to the orc, noticing how tired he looks. I can't imagine why he would come to a bar if he was so exhausted.

I walk over to him, stopping by his table. He looks at me with his head tilted back. At the closer look, I can't help but notice he is handsome. Orcs have never been my type, always loud and boisterous. But he seems like an anomaly. I could be wrong, he is tired.

"Would you like something, got food or beer. Can't ask for much more than that," I try to joke. It works a bit, he huffs with a curt smile.

"Just an ale please," he grumbles. I nod then head to the bar. Grabbing his drink then delivering it to his table. He takes a quick swig but leaves it on the table after. Closing his eyes and resting against the wall. I leave him to it, deciding to clean up the taps so I won't need to do them later.

Watching the orc out the corner of my eye I don’t notice the door open again. It isn't till someone knocks on the bar top do I acknowledge the two who walk in. looking up I immediately notice they are elves. The damn cocky bastards, never much cared for them.

"Hello, I want a honey mead," the one at the bar asked. I nod, glancing at the second one who is looking over his shoulder. As I pour the drink the second one bumps the first with his elbow. Nodding towards the orc in the corner. My defenses go up. Elves and orcs generally don’t get along. I could be wrong, I hope I'm wrong. They could just recognize an old friend. But I highly doubt it.

I hand him the mead and he passes me some coin. I take it but don’t look away as the two walks over to the lounging man. The first elf places his hand on the table, startling the orc awake. There are a few words but I can't hear from back here. I turn around the bar's end. Skirting around the edge of the room, acting like I'm cleaning by the hearth.

"-same idiot who took our kill. Can't figure you still have it," the second one says. I keep my head low and listen. Not wanting to jump to conclusions.

The orc grunts, leaning on his forearms. Cupping the mug in his large hands as he tries to ignore the two. That just pisses the elves off more.

"Answer me when I'm talking to you," the second slams his hands on the table. The cup rattles loud as its jostles in the orc's hands. A few patrons on the opposite end look over. Probably expecting a show soon.

"He probably too stupid to answer. Just a big ugly troll," the first one jokes. I don’t much care for that.

"Some bloodthirsty idiot who can only steal kills then get piss drunk with the money he takes from em," the second on laughs," perhaps we can take the coin off you. Just a fair trade for the meat you stiffed us." the orc growls but keeps his head low.

"So hand over the purse and we will be on our way," the first one leans over the table and tries to grab something off the orc. The orc gives a wide swing, knocking the elf's arm away. In second the elf pulls his sword out and points it at the orc. Aiming it towards his throat. The orc tilts his head away from the blade and sneers at the man.

Without much thought on my part, I run over. I've been working here for well over two years and I've never done something so rash. I'm not sure if it's from the spite of the situation or just cause it seemed unfair. But I still walk over, grab the arm of the second elf. Pull him towards me as my fist connects with his nose. It’s a satisfying feeling, at first. I can almost understand why men do this so often. There is something so pleasing about punching your anger out. It isn't until I feel the immediate pain that I realize why men are perhaps dumb. That fucking hurt.

"You little wench," the second one grabs his nose. Blood streaming between his fingers. Alright, that’s also very satisfying. I'll give men a little bit of slack then. The pain may be just a little worth it to see this idiot's nose bleed. A grotesque satisfaction.

"I'll have your head," the first one lunges forward. Before he can raise his hand to me the orc reaches out and grabs his neck. Standing away from the booth I can admire his height. He is tall.

"You will do no such thing," the orc sneers. Growling inches away from the now choking elf. He tries to snarl out some insult but he cants over the crushing of his throat.

"Don’t kill the lad," I rest my hand on the orc's arm," don’t want to kick you out or lose my job. The pasty twit is hardly worth it." the orc's arm twitches, straining as he grips the elf a little harder. Then he let go, the elf falling onto his knees. It’s a bit poetic to see him kneeling in front of the orc.

The second one still clutching his nose slaps at the first one shoulder," let's go." quickly the two run out the door, the Dwarves laughing as they retreat.

"Quite the hit there las," one of them tips there drink to me," he will be feelin' that for a while." the lot laughs along with him.

"Damn hope so, the man had a strong skull. Might be feeling that for while," I lift my hand. A bruise already blooming over my knuckles.

The orc beside me turns and grabs my hand. I wince but say nothing. He looks it over and sneers.

"Sorry," he grumbles," but you shouldn’t have stepped in. was a foolish thing to do."

I glare up at him," it didn’t look like you were going to do anything. And most people say thank you." I snatch my hand away from him.

"Why would I thank recklessness? It was a stupid thing you did," he growls.

"Stupid like you sitting there taking it? Excuse me for taking care of my patrons," I snap back," you enjoy your ale, sir. I will leave you be for the night." I turn, cradling my hand to my stomach. I stomp to the bar, throwing a small tantrum as I aggressively clean the bar. I don’t even glance back at the orc. If he wants to be ungrateful then let him be.

He leaves shortly after, leaving some coin on the table before he does. When I go to collect it I'm shocked its a gold coin. Well, that is unexpected.

<<<<<>>>>> Sunday night is slow, its no surprise. Tomorrow is a working day so the later it gets the fewer people are here. Tonight is generally used for deep cleaning. Doing the weekly chores like running the line or clearing the drains. It's going to be a boring night.

As I'm polishing some tankers I hear the bell ring. I turn towards the door and shocked to see the orc from yesterday. I guess this is the only pub in town but I can hardly imagine he would want to see me. Maybe he thought I wasn’t working tonight. That thought leaves when he walks towards me. He grabs a stool from the bar and sits.

"One ale please," he grunts out. I cock a brow, watching him as I grab his drink. Passing it along the bar. He grunts in thanks before taking a chug. Banging the tanker to the table when he gets his fill. He wipes his chin with his large arm then looks down at me. "Thank you for yesterday," he grumbles then leaves the bar. Dragging his drink along with him as he sits at the booth he was at last night. We'll alright.

The night progresses uneventfully. He sits in his corner, our eyes catching a few times when I look over. I continue cleaning. After about an hour he gets up and leaves. Once he is out the door I walk over to the table to grab his payment. It’s silver this time but there is also a small figurine. It’s a wolf carved from bone. The creature is sitting down, its tail hanging beside its legs. It's not badly made either, it is just a little larger than my palm. I pocket the gift and return to work.

The rest of the week repeats like this. He comes in orders a drink, then sits at his booth. The seat is never taken, the weekdays being slow. Only regulars come in, mostly older folks. He sits for about an hour then leaves. Dropping his coin and a gift. Some days it was a carved figure. Made from either bone or wood. Once it was a carving attached to a chain. The head of some creature I'm not familiar within the center of the necklace. Like before I pocket all of them. I take them home and set them on my bed frame.

On Friday he comes in like clockwork. Coming to the bar I'm already making his drink. I set it on the counter when he nears.

"Ale, don’t try to trick me today," I try to joke. Despite our rocky start, I've been kind to him. He doesn’t seem to enjoy our conversations. Always grunting in response then going to his table. I still try.

He pays my joke no mind but glances at my chest," your wearing it?"

I look down at the necklace he left me," Yea, I thought it was cute." he grunts, a start of a smile on the corner of his mouth. Then he turns and sits back at his table. That’s the most I've gotten out of him all week. Not much of a conversationalist, but I still enjoy the gifts. I consider them his apology. From the little, I know of orcs I know they are honor-bound individuals. I guess these little figures are tokens of his appreciations. I'll be a little sad when he stops.

Matilda walks over to my side, patting my shoulder." He here again," she nods to the orc," think we got ourselves a new regular? Maybe you should punch people more often," she laughs.

"Maybe I should, here I thought they came in because the drinks were cheap and the staff is cute," I joke.

"Anyway, can you help me move the barrels back there, I think one is leaking," she walks towards the backroom. I follow her. She points to the large puddle of brown liquid.

"Yep, no good," I mutter.

We together roll some of the barrels away. Struggling with the ones that were stacked. Before I could reach over and grab another I see a dark green hand beat me to it. Gripping the lip of the barrel and lifting it with ease. I turn around and see the orc. He guides the barrel to the side, setting it down gently.

"Damn, your boyfriend is strong," Matilda teases. I don’t bother glaring at her. I look at the orc and cock a brow.

"what are you doing back here," I ask.

"Helping," he grunts. He then grabs another barrel and guides it away from the growing puddle. We finally see the one with a bit of splintered wood at the top. The ale is pouring from the crack, dripping all over the floor.

"What a waste," I grumble. The orc grunts in agreement.

"Gotta grab some containers, see if we cant save it," Matilda looks around the room. She spots some large buckets in the corner. She flips them upside down, clearing out the debris.

"Wash that out first," I shout before she can bring it over. She rolls her eyes then heads out the back door to the well. I look over to the orc when she leaves. "Don’t mind helping a little more, don’t think I can tilt that by myself," I point to the barrel. He grunts. I'll take that as a yes.

Matilda returns a moment later. With the orc's help, we pour the leftovers into the bucket. The task made easier with his help. Its very kind of him to lend a hand. I know we could have figured something out but it's just simpler when someone has blind strength.

I leave Matilda to clean up the mess as I walk the orc back out to the main room. "Thanks for helping, really appreciate it," I pat his back," also for the figurines. Did you make them yourself?" I try to start a conversation.

"Yes," he answers shortly. I wait for him to add more, he doesn’t,

"Alright, well for your help how bout a drink on the house," I offer. His lips quirk again but not yet a smile.

"ok," he walks with me back to the bar. I fix his drink, passing it to him with a smile.

"I have to get back to work but thanks again," I pat his hand," don’t mind if I ask your name?" he focuses on our hands. I feel awkward, maybe he doesn’t like that. I slide them away but he snatches it before I get too far. Holding his hand over mine.

"Azhug," he grunts. I almost don’t catch it, too focused on us. It’s a simple touch but I can't help but stumble over my thoughts.

"I'm Emma," I answer," I need to get back to work." before I can retreat my hand he lifts it. Bringing it to his lips where he gives a quick peck.

"It's nice to meet you, Emma," he looks directly at me. I stare wide-eyed, lips parted. My heart stutters and my thoughts run away. Before I can say something stupid he drops my hands and walks away. Taking his drink to his booth.

I take a second to come back to now. Blushing as I try to think of what I should be doing.

The weekend passes and the week is introduced. When I come in on Monday I see Azhug already in. he is behind the bar screwing around with something. I head over and lean against the bar top. Pushing on my toes to see what he is doing. He startles when he notices me, recovers quickly. Messing with the shelf against the wall. All the harder liquors are on the table and he is changing the board.

"Whatcha doing Azhug," I ask. He drops his head, sighing before turning around. "I didn’t mean to bother you," I quickly add.

"No bother, just like hearing you say my name," he corrects.

I cock a brow," Is that right Azhug?"

"Yes," he looks me up and down. I feel a chill run up my spine. If I didn’t know any better id assume he was flirting, just a little bit.

"good to know, butter you up some when I need anything," I take to teasing.

"Don’t need to do that, just ask for anything," he raises a brow. His lips quirking just a bit. What I wouldn’t give to see him smile.

"Anything," I lean against my arms. Perking my chest a bit. I grin when I catch him peaking for a second.

"yes," he grunts.

"Then I want to know what you are doing," I lean back, standing straight. He huffs, his shoulders losing some tension I didn’t notice he had.

"Fixing the shelf," he points behind himself.

"I got that much, why are you fixing it," I reiterate.

"Was going to break, I asked Ritz if I could fix it for you," he answers.

"Fixing it for me," I tilt my head," don’t see how I benefit too much from this." he turns away from me and continues his work. I assume he isn't going to answer but he surprises me.

"Didn’t want you to get hurt," he finally answers," could break and fall while you are here."

I watch his back as the shirt is pulled a little taunt when he raises his arms," well that’s kind of you." he grunts in acknowledgment and continues working. I figure it’s the end of the conversation so I head on to the back to get ready for work.

The week goes about similar to that day. He is around fixing things in the bar. Having short conversations with me when I ask what he is up to. They are pleasant conversation but always short. Azhug isn't much of a conversationalist. With all the tasks he is getting done I just hope he is getting paid properly. I know Ritz can be a cheap son of a bitch.

As the week comes to an end on Thursday I see the usual group of orcs walk in. loud as always, a strong contrast to Azhug's personality. I walk over to them and take their orders.

"Hello boys, what will you all be having," I grin at the group.

"All have a pint of ale, don’t know why you bother asking. We aren't very original," one laughs.

"I don’t know, I'm feeling the mead this time," another ponders," Nah, ale hits the spot better." the group chuckles at him.

"Say where is that heavy-hearted lad at, I don’t see him," one of them looks over to the bar.

"Who you asking about," I look where he is looking.

"The lad who is courting you, I had a question about something," he looks back at me. I squint at him confused. Who is courting me?

"I'm not sure I know who you are referring to," I answer.

He looks at me like I'm dumb," the less bulky looking orc. The one who has been all over you for the past two weeks. Are you daft?"

"Azhug? No, he isn't courting me. Man can barely keep a conversation with me," I huff at myself. They don’t think it's so funny.

"Believe me, Emma, he is courting you. Shouldn’t be too long before he lifts you on his shoulder and takes you off to wear your thighs like ear muffs," he laughs. My face immediately gets red. I look away from the group, hiding my face from them.

"what are you doing," I hear someone say from behind me.

"Its lover boy himself. I didn’t see you back there, fixing something for the lass in the back I'm assuming," the loud one greets Azhug. I turn and see him glaring at the orc. I startle when he hand holds my waist, pulling me back against him.

"No need to get so taunt, we aren't trying to steal her away," another orc calls from down the table.

"Yea, we just educating her on our culture. Say, when are you sweeping her off her feet. Can't imagine you are too far away from that," a different one calls. Azhug sneers at the group. His hand sliding over my stomach, my back flush with his front.

The room gets tense as Azhug glares at the party of orcs. Seeming to stake his claim in front of them all before leaning down towards me.

"Sorry," he mumbles. He then turns with me and guides me back to the bar. Leading me around the table and letting go when we are near the drinks. I can faintly hear the group laughing behind us.

"What was that about," I ask as I fix the party's drinks.

"Nothing, they are just teasing," he glares over me. I snap my fingers in front of his face, catching his attention.

"I don’t think they were just teasing," I look between his eyes," answer me honestly. Are you courting me?" he squints down at me, trying to figure out a way to deny it.

"yes," he grunts. He remains tense, waiting for my response. His fists are clenched and his shoulders taut. I can't help but admire the way his arms flex. The muscle tempting and alluring. Azhug is surely an attractive man.

"Ok, good," I answer. He looks transform to shocked, a little confused.

"What, really," his mouth quirks.

"Yea, I think you could be a good mate. I just need you to talk more," I grin," can't keep a conversation with just myself. Think you can do that?"

He nods," I can do that."

"then alright. Court away," I flourish my hand," but can you explain it to me first."

"Yes, I can do that. Uh, courting happens in parts. Gifts, actions, then taking. I gave you the gifts I made, you took them. Then I'm supposed to help fix up your home or our future home. I don’t know where you live and didn’t want to scare you. So I'm helping the pub. Then finally I take you," he explains. This is the most I've heard him speak in one go. It's nice.

"Take me, like what," I tilt my head.

"Sex," he answers bluntly," we make love. Its where we claim each other and are official." I can't help the blush.

"When does that happen?"

"two days," he takes a step forward. He rests his hands on the bar behind me. Trapping me between himself and the table. He leans down near my ear," I will take you, going somewhere I choose. I'll show you how I will treat you for the rest of our lives. Make you cum as much as possible before reaching my own end. Learning your body as intimately as I can. I will worship you, love you like no one ever before. That is what will happen in two days because you have accepted my courtship. You will be mine Emma and I will be yours."

He leans back and looks upon my red face. I'm biting my lip and damn near whimpering. I know I'm wet, his deep voice having rumbled through my chest. His hot breath on my ear as he whispered those dirty things. I think I might be excited about it now. This large handsome orc wishes to worship me. I can get behind that.

Glancing up at his face I can see a large smile. Its everything I thought it would be. It's an amazing look for him. His eyes slightly crinkled as his cheeks are pulled up. His tusk protruding proudly and his other teeth visible. I can't help it, I cup his face and stand on my toes. I give a quick kiss to his lips. I can feel him stop breathing.

"I can't wait," I peck him again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My favorite monster lover is orcs, i just love big beefy men. I’m a simple woman. i just like a man who can bench press me. Part 2

Check out my Archive | Masterlist | Main Blog

[openheart12]

Lost In This Moment

The day had finally come to an end, a long, exhausting day at that. They had saved not only Los Angeles, but the rest of the world from tragedy once against. If you had asked Michelle Dessler that she would reconcile with her husband during the day, she’d probably just laugh it off. She missed him so much, but she couldn’t stay and watch him ruin his life with his drinking. And today they were given their second, third, fourth chance? She had lost count by now.

This time was going to be different, they had made promises to leave CTU behind, they would start their own company and enjoy each other’s company for once without worrying about when the next phone call would come or the next terrorist would strike again.

But even as good as the day had gone for the two of them, Jack was going to lose everything. His identity, his family, his life. It didn’t matter how much good he did for his country, it only mattered how bad he did it. The same thing happened to Tony, they locked him up for years for protecting his wife, the same thing Jack did years ago and nothing happened to him.

On that fateful day was the beginning of the end of their marriage. Tony wasn’t the same man he was and that took a toll on both of them. After his pardon from the president, they went home where Tony didn’t say one word. She gave him space at first, but when he started to disappear for days on end was when she got worried. She always found him at bars, always drunk out of his mind and still, he didn’t say anything to her.

Did he blame her? She blamed herself, it was her fault he was in prison in the first place. If she only hadn’t listened to Jack when she did instead of getting kidnapped again they might not even be where they are today. She should’ve been more careful on the ride back to the NHS. She should’ve fought harder, should’ve done so many other things.

She always tried to talk to him, but there was always no response. She didn’t know what to do anymore and after one night when he finally talked, it was an argument that got blown out of proportion. They both said things they didn’t mean for the most part until he pointed his finger at her, blaming her for the way he was acting.

She had had enough and maybe leaving would be best for him. She already had the divorce papers in her bedroom upstairs and she went to retrieve them after packing up her essentials and never looked back. It wasn’t that she didn’t love him or miss him, it was the complete opposite. She thought he was better off without her.

And now here he was, driving her car after dropping Jack off with their hands interlocked. Today had been the first day she'd seen him in six months and he looked a lot better. For the first time in a year and a half, it was a comfortable silence. They said everything they needed to earlier and they would still need to talk about everything that happened the day of the virus and afterwards since they never had, but it could wait for now.

He stole a glance at her and noticed everything that others would’ve missed. He noticed how she lost weight even though she had always been small, he noticed the bags under her eyes that she tried to hide, he noticed her straightened hair, and most of all, he noticed the despair in her eyes.

Something he put there.

When he was pushing her away, going out drinking every night, he didn’t see how much it was tearing her apart.

A lone tear slid down his cheek at the memories. He didn’t deserve her and god knows why she was even willing to give him a second chance.

“Hey, you okay?” He heard her ask him.

“I’m perfect,” he picked up their intertwined hands and placed a kiss to her knuckle, a silent promise that he was going to be better for her this time.

“I love you.”

He let his eyes flutter close for a second, soaking in her words before whispering them back, “I love you so much.”

She hoped he knew how much she loved him. She still felt so guilty about choosing other people over him, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to forgive her after what he did.

The tears she had been trying to hold back were finally starting to make their way down her cheeks. She tried to control her breathing but Tony already heard her and next thing she knew, the car was on the side of the road.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tony.”

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I-I didn’t choose you, not like you did. And I thought I killed you. If you had died today because of me-” she didn’t finish her sentence, too scared of what her new reality almost was.

“You made the right choice, Michelle. If you hadn’t, you might be sitting in a jail cell right now and we wouldn’t be here.” She was still avoiding him so he cupped her face in his hands and turned her face to meet his. “I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?”

“No, I love you so much and…” he took a deep breath before continuing. “And if anything, I should be the one apologizing to you. I noticed how it looks like you haven’t been eating or sleeping and that look in your eyes… all of that is because of me. Because I pushed you away and made your life hell. I love you more than anything and you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and yet, I treated you so badly and I don’t understand why I’m even here with you right now.” He finished, tears in his eyes.

“Because I love you,” she said simply and the look in her eyes told him all he needed to know. There was nothing but love and adoration in her eyes for him.

He pulled her to know, kissing her softly but conveying all the words he couldn’t say just yet. It only lasted a few seconds but when she pulled back, she smiled widely at him.

“Let’s go home,” she said and he mirrored her smile.

Home was wherever she was and vice versa.

I really need to spend my time doing something more than writing TnM fics 😃 I started and now I cant stop lmaooo

[hyukiee]

Chapter 1: Destiny

warnings: cussing, drug use, mental illness (future fluff, smut, angst, etc.)

this is my first story i’m writing on tumblr, I hope y’all like it. I’ll probably update once or twice a week. I plan on this not so lovely love story to be pretty long.. and angsty. Enjoy :)

Dreams are one of the most unknown things we experience, yet no one questions our lack of knowledge about them when we lay in bed at night. Not everybody dreams. Some people only dream when their happy... or sad... or scared... or it just happens every blue moon for no reason at all. You dream every day, to the point where you feel a little depressed if you don’t have one. They never take you to wonderland, their never right, something is always off but you liked them anyways. They gave you an escape from reality, until reality started showing up in your dreams. The reality that you’re slowly killing yourself when really this was supposed to be the peak of your existence. The reality that you literally gave the most handsome man you’ve ever seen, the ugliest look in downtown Hollywood and the reality that you know you will ruin his life or get close to it.

‘That stupid fucking asshole, I can’t believe that no good piece of shit left me to fend for myself. It’s so fucking hot. Fuck off Karen, my face is easier to look at than that awful sweater. Fuck. I need to sit down.’ You stopped walking and you look at yourself through the reflection of some enterance to a cafe, it smells like. Jesus christ, those eye bags look like black eyes. You went to your closest friends party the other night, you didn’t want to go so that explains the oversized grey hoodie and grey sweats that... have dirt on them? How the fuck- you know what, you’ve seen worse. You can’t go inside the cafe looking like this though. The shady floor will do for now. Everyone is wearing work clothes so you must of slept through all of Sunday. Alone. Because your dick head of a friend abandoned you, god knows when but for someone that slept through an entire day, you’re tired. Maybe it’s just the mental exhaustion you live with but god you could use a nap. “E-eguse me ehm here you go,” you look up and see the most perfectly built man you have ever seen, holding a.. $10 bill? You unknowingly glare at him after noticing his arm holding out the money to you. He looked nervous, and foreign as fuck what accent is that? “I’m not homeless, fuck off.” Who the fuck is he to assume your homeless? Cant someone sit in piece for a little? Prick. You stood up, hitting his shoulder as you walked away, not ever looking back at his beautiful face.

Wake up, go to the beach, take a xans, go to work, go home, sleep, wake up, eat, sleep, and wake up to repeat the process. You always hated living by a constant schedule, but at this point you do anything you can to hurt yourself. The weekends are different though, its always spontaneous. Will you snort a line with the crackheads down the street or will you go to a party because you know the college kids adore their new interest in drugs? You really don’t need drugs. You’re fine. Depression put you in this place and god you feel like a coward. People go through so much more and stay away from drugs. Coward. Your thoughts consist of things like this often, even when your supposed to be hearing your idiot friends excuse for abandoning you last week. “Y/n, seriously, I could of sworn you were dead.” “Wow, thanks Julian, i’ll make sure to leave your lifeless body instead of calling 911 like a sane person when I get the chance.” You both rolled your eyes in sync. You loved Julian, he’s such a dumbass but despite saying he’s your closest friend, your hardly friends. You met before you dropped out of college, he was your dealer, one of the nicest ones you’ve met. You ran into him often and bought from him often as well so you would talk but the reality is he only stays because you’re his best costumer and you frankly don’t care because you are too lost to even care about someone else.

“Y/n, I think you should lay back on your habits a little bit,” Julian broke the silence you both had on the pier. You both liked to meet up at the pier and smoke a little. “Oh please, don’t act like you care. Drop the act and be a fake friend to me, please,” you spoke unemotionally, making eye contact with him. “I’ve never met someone asking for a fake friend.” “Real ones require you to love and deal with them. I can’t do that for you Julian but I know that’s not what you wanted anyways. I practically pay your rent, just thank me and change the topic.” He sighed. Not a disappointed one, a relived one. Julian has been a dealer for a very long time, he stopped caring about his costumers decisions. He didn’t truly care for your health, it was the sad truth. He did get worried that night at his party but only because he isn’t heartless. You knew that though, you seemed so lifeless and incapable of feeling anything to him. He wondered about your story at times but he knew somehow he would never get it. You’re easy to talk to though, it’s nice. “Thank you.”

Ever since you were little you wanted to live in a big city like L.A. Although, you imagined you would be going to UCLA and going to study on a beach just because you could. Standing next to Julian in line at Coachella, you just now take in how completely different your life turned out but at least you did end up here. Julian gets into Coachella for free every single year so your always his +1. You love gatherings like this but this one is just a little too Pg for you. You always end up spending most of your time at the food trucks. But according to Julian, ‘so many people would kill to be around this many celebrities’ so maybe you could get a drink or two in and mingle or whatever. It won’t kill you. So here you are, waiting to get a margarita because god knows you can’t be any type of social while sober. “I guess you weren’t homeless after all, my apologies,” you turn around and see the beautifully built man leaning down towards you. You could run. You’re not to far from the exit and it would be impossible to run into this guy for a third time... right? “Are you following me?” That was supposed to stay in your thoughts.. Is he though? How the hell do you see each other in two different cities? Sure, everyone knows about Coachella but how does he recognize you, you look good today, not homeless or drugged up, whichever works. “Ah, sorry, my english bad,” He stood up straight rubbing his hand on the back of his neck nervously. Right. Foreigner with a unknown accent. “What language do you speak?” It’s not like you’re going to understand his language but your curiosity is getting the best- “Korean.” You know it really isn’t too late to run. This man could be lying, trying to kidnap you and sex traffic you. What are the chances he just happens to speak the one other language you do as well. He could be faking this for all you know. “Hello,” You haven’t spoken in Korean since high school. You dont know why you even let that out. “You speak Korean? Wow, hello!” He bowed to you slightly with a box like smile on his face. That’s cute. It’s different. “I really am sorry for mistaking you the other day, do you mind me asking what happened?” “I was on a lot of drugs at a party and my friend abandoned me because he thought I overdosed.” You learned a long time ago to leave your addiction to yourself. People look at you differently when you do drugs, even your closest friends. That’s one of the first lessons you learn as a drug addict, keep it to yourself. The only people that know you do drugs are the ones that do them too. You could of lied to him, but the self destructive part of you couldn’t help but push this stranger away. You turned around to look at him after it got awkwardly silent. “What? You surprised? Scared? No harsh feelings, I don’t even know you.” You held in a laugh from his shocked and awkward expression. “Your right, we don’t know each other, I’m Taehyung,” He held out his hand replacing his taken aback expression back to his box-y smile, pretending what you said just never happened. ”Y/n,” You sighed. He won’t give up whatever this is. Fantastic. “Well actually, i’m supposed to be talking with famous people or something like that so I should get going,” You didn’t know how to get out of this situation. You felt like you couldn’t breathe with him standing so close to you. This conversation gets more and more awkward everytime you speak. “Then why are you leaving?” You both stared at each other, surprisingly not awkwardly. It was comforting looking into his eyes. “What? “You know what, I actually should go before i’m late, i’ll see you later,” he gave you one last smile and patted your shoulder before leaving you. “But- Why? What?”

“I just had the most uncomfortable conversation of my life with this insanely perfect looking man,” you spoke almost out of breath, finally finding Julian in the crowd. “Yeah, i’m pretty sure I saw who you’re talking about when I left you,” Julian is such an old soul. He responded while looking ahead at the stage, almonds in one hand like a football dad. “Who’s performing next” “Uh, BTS.” You hardly listen to music these days. Music that doesn’t fit your ‘fuck life, love drugs’ aesthetic. BTS doesn’t ring a bell so you probably won’t like it but it’s not like you have anything else to do, you’ve had enough with weird interactions. “Remind me why we’re sober,” you sighed, starting to feel the pain from standing for so long. “I’m sober, you’re drunk.” Julian glanced at the margarita in your hand. Right, you almost forgot. “Oh, don’t judge-“ “Sh sh sh their coming.” He hit your shoulder a couple of time looking at the stage like a child. You hate when people tap on you it’s so annoying. You sighed for the one thousandth time and focused on the group of people coming to the stage. Asians, how convenient. You know if life really hated you they would be Korean just like- “Ey, isn’t that the ‘insanely perfect looking man’ you were talking about? I can’t tell.” You have got to be kidding. That’s why he asked why you were leaving. He’s fucking famous. “I need another drink,” You sighed.

[violetnotez]

My Hero

Pro Hero! Red Riot x Reader

I havent seen much for Pro Hero Red Riot so I thought Id mine as well give it a shot! This is a rewrite of one of my older fics so I hope its a little better than the last :)

-----------------------------

Genre: Angst (ish) to Fluff

Word Count: 2500+

Warnings: Catcalling, cussing

Summary: When you decide to leave your neglectful date and walk home, your met with a drunken idiot who cant seem to understand the meaning of “No”-until the hero Red Riot comes to save the day.

One Shot

(RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

Why did I ever think this was going to be fun,” you thought miserably, the chilly night air biting your exposed skin.

Parties were never your “thing”, since nobody really invited you. It wasn’t because you were hated at your school or were an outcast; it was  just you didn’t care to belong to a ‘clique’. You were a roamer, being a friend to anyone who was nice and social enough to talk to you, but you never became to the level of close friends with any of them. So, when you had been invited to go to a house party by one of your guy friends who was a little bit popular, you were more than just a “little” shocked. You were completely confused on why, but you shrugged it off and just decided to go. How bad could it be?

Very bad, more than you had expected, and now you were cursing at yourself for even agreeing to be his date. He decided to take you with a group of his old high school friends, who were the definition of a typical “Popular” group of high school: a bunch of lip glossed cheerleaders and crazy sports fanatics. It would’ve been tolerable to be around such a group if your “date” was polite enough to pay attention to you, but he had ran off to be idiots with all his football buddies, leaving you defenseless with the slightly air headed cheerleaders.

You were seriously itching to rip out your hair from frustration all night.

When two hours of having to deal with high pitch squeals from girls who would laugh at anything the guys would say finally hit, you were thoroughly annoyed and grossed out and wanted to go home. You tracked down your date, told him you were leaving, and walked yourself home, politely declining his offer of driving you home.

You had just passed what looked like another house party, the music pumping through the windows as people came in and out of the house, stumbling and dancing around with no care in the world.

To say you were mad was an understatement. You were exhausted from having to act like you were enjoying yourself so you didnt look like a whiny prick, mad that you had actually used up your money (and was now broke) on a dress and a pair of shoes you’d never wear again, and a little hurt your “date” just left you to fend for yourself with his buddies’ dates all night.

You were so frustrated at yourself and the whole situation, you almost didn’t hear the person behind you.

“Hey hottie, where ya going lookin like that?”

You whipped around, the slurred voice making your blood run cold.

The guy in front of you was definitely intoxicated, his overly gelled hair slicked back, his polo untucked and a red cup in his hand. His face was plastered with such a smug smile, it made you want to cringe from disgust. This guy was a total creep.

“Buzz off,” you gave him a dirty look, mustering your face to look menacing when on the inside you were terrified.

“Playing hard to get, huh, babe? I like that,” the drunken idiot walked closer, his drink sloshing out of the cup and the stink of alcohol and sweat hitting you, making you feel dizzy.

“No,” you walked backwards quickly in fear, “Im trying to get away from you! Now go to back to your party and leave me alone.” You pleaded the last part, wishing you could break out in a run but knew you’d hurt yourself on your shoes. 

He was getting too close for comfort. You could now see clearly the stitching of the emblem on his polo, a bright cherry red. HIs breath was suffocating you, making it harder to breath. You looked around desperately for any way out.

“Why dont you come inside, baby- you’ll definitely want to stay here once your alone with me,” the drunken idiot licked his lips, making you shiver in disgust.

“What the hell!” you gasped in shock, pushing him away from you. “Get the hell away from me you creep!” you yelled, hoping somebody would hear you as you frantically walked backwards, trying a last ditch attempt to shake this creepo off as he drunkenly groped for your arm.

“Whats your deal?!” the man yelled accusingly, as if you were in the wrong and stumbling closer to you. “Why are you being such a bitc-”

“I wouldnt finish that sentence if I were you.”

You looked up quickly, your eyes still wide with terror as you searched for the source of the voice. Your gaze fell upon a boy wearing a plain gray hoodie, with spiky hair as red as a cherry. His eyes were dark, slanted in a mad glare. He looked as if he was going on a night run, and you felt relief flood your body- somebody heard you and was willing to help.

“What the hell dude, mind your own damn business-!” the drunk yelled out in anger, but then he paused, and something strange happened- the man actually looked scared. ‘Wait...I know that hair...your the hero Red Riot, right?” he said with a mix of awe and terror, turning sober for the span of .2 seconds.

“Huh, so you do have a brain? Wouldn’t have guessed that!” he laughed, a feeling of safety warming your body- a Hero was saving you-and a great one at that! You remembered that name instantly- you had seen Red Riot all the time on TV, sporting that signature red, spiky hair everywhere he went. He was always fighting some villain with that amazing Hardening quirk of his, and you had always taken time to admire his costume (and his amazing body). He was pretty young for a hero, around his early 20′s, but was already being described as one of the “Best Debuting Heroes” of that year. 

The drunk man stood there, his groggy mind trying to understand the insult. You took that time to make a run for it- you shoved him again, his drink spilling all over his shirt as you ran towards your savior.

“Dude, what the hell!” he sputtered as he looked down at his now beer soaked shirt.

Red Riot instantly protected you once you got close enough to him, shielding you with his body from the idiot in front of you two. “You gotta admit,” Red Riot said, a laugh spilling out of his lips, “you kinda deserved that. Its not cool to keep pushing on a girl if she says “no”, man.” 

The drunken man’s face turned red from anger and embarrassment. 

“Ya know what, he yelled, “I dont give a damn if your a hero, I’m gonna beat your ass into the ground!”

The drunken idiot threw his cup on the floor, sprinting up to the hero and throwing him a punch aimed for his head.

You gasped, not expecting something so reckless and violent to happen so quickly. Red Riot instantly blocked, though, as if it was a reflex, his hardening quirk making his arm jagged like a mountain cliff.

“Hitting a hero! That wasnt very smart,” Red Riot replied calmly, as if amused. You watched the drunk’s face contort in shock, and then into panic as Red Riot swung a matching punch to his face, knocking him out cold. 

Kirishima looked down at the man in distaste- he hated scumbags like this, who treat others like property and expect rewards for being aggressive. To be honest, he’d loved to do more than just one lousy punch on this idiot but- he was a hero, and heroes didn’t abuse their powers. If he did, he’d be just as bad as this creep.

He sighed, giving one last look to make sure the drunk was breathing and okay-which he was- and turned to the startled girl behind him.

“You alright miss?” Red Riot asked softly, concern in his voice.

You turned sharply, your hair flipping away from your face as you looked up at the hero, your chest hurting from the fear you were feeling moments before.

You looked at him in shock and awe- “You just saved my life,” you stated, the sound of your steady voice surprising you.

He scratched his head, almost looking embarrassed. “Its nothing, really,’ he said quickly, his concern pushing you for an answer. “DId he do anything to you? Are you hurt?”

“A little shaken up,” you said with a weak smile, “but nothing I cant handle.”

“Im sorry you had to deal with that,” he stated, the slight anger in his voice surprising you. “But- is it okay if I can walk you home? I really don’t feel comfortable letting you walk by yourself. The streets are super dangerous at night.”

You laughed sarcastically, trying to ease your nerves and keep the growing pit of emotions at bay. “Yeah, kinda figured that out the hard way.” You paused, thinking the new situation over- you didnt want to walk home by yourself, that was not happening. You felt unsafe, and violated, and the anger and slight embarrassment bubbled in your stomach, threatening to come out in streams across your face. You wanted to forget this, and you felt embarrassed that someone witnessed what just happened, even if it was a person who helped you and you surprisingly felt comfortable around. He seemed like a genuinely good person- someone who would listen to and truly care about someone.“I shouldn’t be embarrassed,” you thought violently to yourself, “it isn’t your fault.” But the feeling of being rejected and then sought after in a disgusting way made you feel crushed, and you couldn’t keep everything in any more. The tears came quietly, then slowly came on harder, the sound of sobbing escaping your mouth.

You willed your tears to go back, to evaporate and leave you, but that, inevitablely, didn’t work. But, surprisingly, the hero didn’t question this. He gently wrapped his arms around you, the soft thin fabric shielding your exposed skin from the cold.

It did feel awkward to hug a stranger at first, but it quickly soothed you.. He didn’t feel so much as a stranger, but an anonymous confidant, a past friend, someone who was easy to be with and be your real self, and not have to pretend that life was great all the time. Sometimes life throws you some curveballs-You just needed someone who a least cared a little bit about how you felt when you got two curveballs in one night.

“You’re safe, I got you. Its not your fault- Youll be okay.”

Your shoulders shook slightly as the tears left your face, the feeling of relievement making you feel much better. As your breathing began to go back to normal pace, you pushed away gently, your now shiny face smiling in embarrassment with a sniffle.

“Are you sure he didnt hurt you? Or do anything to you?” he asked again, his voice filled with care and urgency as he looked into your eyes, searching for an answer. His hands on your shoulders shielded you from the cold, the fabric tickling your skin.

“Yeah, Im okay, what you saw is all he did,” you said, your voice thick from crying. “Im sorry I broke down a little, just-, you sighed, feeling there was no point in keeping your walls up- “ it hasnt been the best night.”

He hugged you again, this time being quicker and harder.

“Dont be sorry for crying, you deserve to. Im just sorry I wasnt here sooner.”

Your heart melted a little for this boy and his big heart. You pushed a piece of hair away from your face, your cheeks a little warmer than the rest of your body.

“No your fine, you didnt know that was happening, Im just so grateful for you helping when you did. I really do mean it when I said you saved my life.”

The hero shuffled, embarrassment yet again evident in his mannerism.

“Just doing my job I guess!” his eyes filled with happiness, the evident blush looking almost comical.

“So- is it alright if I can walk you home?”

You giggled, your stress now alleviated and the look on his face looking so silly it made you feel almost peaceful.

“Of course,” you replied, and you began to walk  alongside him.

You two walked quietly, the soft breeze nipping your skin, but filling your lungs with brisk air, clearing your head. The silence between you two was comfortable as both of you thought deeply. You were going over the events of the night- the feel of betrayal and annoyance, then extreme fear, and relief, and sadness, guilt, happiness- it was so much to process you couldn’t wrap your head around it. But one thing you could think clearly on was the person next to you. You gave him a side eyed glance, staring at his sweatshirt, the toned muscles contouring the sweatshirt. You wish you could know who he was- he seemed sweet and genuine, and not to mention even more handsome in person. But being around him felt peaceful, even for just talking to him for a few moments-the feeling was a little intoxicating.

As Red Riot caught your side eyed glance, the feeling of butterflies filled his stomach. He had just met this girl, but he already knew he liked her. She had a fighter’s spirit, she wasnt hung over the fact that he was a hero and gawking at him like some object- she treated him like a person, not just some hero. She was sweet to him, even though she looked like she just had the crappiest night of her life. And the fact he found her unbelievably pretty made the butterflies fill his stomach with a ticklish feeling.

You two began to start talking a little, slowly becoming more comfortable. You talked about everything, from school to friends to hero work to anything you could think of. By the end, both of you were hurting from laughing and the smiles that were plastered on your faces.

You both reached the front steps of your apartment building, the look of happiness on your face making Kirishima feel great inside. He knew a comfortable walk would make you feel better- it always did for him. But he knew he just met you and he shouldn’t go out of his way so much to help a stranger, but you looked like you needed it. And he had this itching feeling like you deserved something good to happen to you. Everyone does, right?

You looked at him, feeling a rush of butterflies fill your stomach. You had never wanted to get to know someone more so hard in your life. To just know who he was and thank him properly would alleviate the sudden need to know him, not just “Red Riot”. You grabbed your hands tightly, wishing the walk wouldnt ever end.

“Thanks again for  everything,” you smiled warmly, making Red Riot’s stomach bubble with butterflies. 

“Yeah, no problem!” he replied, sadness ebbing into him at the thought of leaving you. His eyes suddenly light up, an idea striking him. 

“Do you by any chance have your phone on you?” he asked sweetly. You gave him a slightly confused look, but nodded, handing him your phone. 

He quietly punched in a few characters in the key pad, and then handed back your phone. You looked down and there was his phone number in your contacts, and his name- “Kirishima.”

“That’s my last name-and- uh- my number,” he chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck, “If you never need anything, or want to talk and maybe...go on a date, just-”

“How about tomorrow at 2?” you asked quickly, wanting so badly to meet him again. 

Kirishima was caught completely off guard- in a good way. Electricity flooded his body, as if all his nerves were on everload..

“2 so great! I'll be off tomorrow, so wherever you want to meet, I'll be there!” His smile was so happy and large, you couldn't help but smile back. 

“Thanks again,” you said softly, feeling as if you were in a dream.

Then you did something you wouldn't even expect from yourself- you kissed him on the cheek, before looking one last time at your hero before you closed your front door softly.

“Wait!” Kirishima yelled as he realized something.

“Hm?” you opened the door a crack, your freezing legs hidden behind the warm inside of the door.

“I never got your name!”

You laughed as you realized you never actually did introduce yourself. “Its y/n!”

Kirishima thought your name was beautiful- a pretty name to match a pretty girl. “Well- good night y/n!” You waved goodbye, a smile playing on your lips as you closed your door.

Kirishima looked at your front porch, the spot you kissed still tingling and his heart pounding. He looked at your door in a blissful daze- he couldn’t believe that just happened. A grin spread on his face as he finally turned away from your house, and walked off with a warmth creeping in his chest. A pretty girl he saved kissed him. Well- on his cheek- but still. It was a win for the books.

-----------------------------

Requests open!!!!!

[rommahh]

I Carry It In My Heart

Word count: 4.7k

I thank everyone who read part one, it meant so much to me to see the love it got. Heres part two, please comment, like reblog, whatever I just wanna hear your thoughts! I also plan on making smaller blurbs of this universe with fratrry. I have plans for a graduation, wedding, babies, and other random blurbs of their lives. Much love, R.

Part One

Y/N’s drive home was quiet. She drove the whole six hours just listening to her thoughts. Thinking about the future of a relationship she had so much hope for. She wanted this relationship so much and seeing Harry before leaving campus reassured her that maybe just maybe, Harry wanted what she wanted too.

Six hours went by and Y/N finally arrived home. She lived on a very secluded farm with her mom, dad, grandparents, uncles/aunts, and cousins. Everyone lived along the property making the family tight knit. She was scared to reveal to her family that she wasn't with Harry anymore. He grew to be a very important part of the family. Everyone saw how beautiful Harry and Y/N’s relationship was. They could see how close they were and how they just shared a really unique connection with each other.

Getting out of her car, Y/N took a moment to stretch her legs before she was bombarded by her family. Hands were pulling her into hugs, kisses were being planted on her cheek- she never felt more loved in her life. She didn't realize she was crying until her mom held her face between her hands wiping the free flowing tears from the young girl's face. The family left the mother and daughter alone to reconnect.

“What is wrong with my baby?” Her mother cradled her face as she sobs.

“Mommy, we broke up. Me and Harry broke up and- and i'm exhausted from exams, and i'm so hungry!” Y/N’s hysterics caused her mom to chuckle. She helped grab Y/N’s belongings from the trunk and then led the girl into the house. As Y/N wiped the tears from her face she hiccuped trying to catch her breath.

With her bags in her room, Y/N sat at the kitchen table as her mom placed a bowl of chilli in front of her. Her mom sat beside her rubbing her back encouraging her to eat and regain some energy.

“Tell me what happened hon?”

“We got in a really bad fight after he kissed another girl. He basically said that I was overreacting. I tried to tell him that my reaction was merely based on how I feel about our future relationship. He laughed at me and said he wasn't thinking about the future of our relationship. Tha-” She choked up again “-that this wasn't a future he wanted.” Y/N sniffled into her food as her mom guided food into her mouth.

“It's ok hon. Let me tell you something, you and Harry will be fine. It may seem like this is the end but it's not. You will get through this because you guys were made for each other. From the way that you guys know each other's thoughts to the way that you both can read each other with no problem- you two were meant to be. Me and your pa went through our own issues but look at us now. We are solid. Baby, you two will be solid.” Y/N’s mom smoothed the hair on her daughter's head smiling at the young girl.

Y/N thought about her mothers words. Hearing her mom say those things about her relationship made her feel a little better. Her mother kissed her on the forehead and told her to get to bed and get some rest.

Y/N walked into her room and immediately her eyes were drawn to the gift Harry got her. She didn't remember bringing it in her room but there it sat in all of its glory. The gold wrapping paper on the box contrasted with the dark wood of her dresser. The envelope adorned with Harry's name written in cursive.

She was tempted to open the gift but at the same time she couldn't bring herself to even touch the gift. She kept thinking about the moment she shared with Harry in the parking lot. How he made time to see her before she left. How he found time to get her a gift and bring it to her. She grabbed the gift, shoving it into the top drawer of the dresser.

As Y/N lied in her bed that night, wrapped in a blanket Harry bought her, she couldn't run her mind off. She wanted to be with Harry but she was scared of his lack of commitment. She doesn't understand his sudden lack of commitment. She mentioned marrying him in the future and he freaked out on her. It hurt to know that in a quick second, he could change his mind.

Closing her eyes she went to sleep thinking about her brown haired, green eyed boy whose heart she carries with her at all times.

Y/N felt better to be back home on the farm. This semester had mentally drained her to the point where she felt like she had nothing within herself to give. She sat in the barn behind the house watching the chickens run around as she remembered the first time Harry visited the farm.

“No Harry, you just grab them from underneath. Like cup your hands and grab!” Y/N hollered to her boyfriend as he chased chickens around trying to grab them. He couldnt get his hands on a chicken but hearing his girlfriend laughing made it all worth it. Here he was dressed in overalls while chasing chickens.

“Bubs, I cant get one.” He pouted walking back over to Y/N.

“You don't have the talent I have.” She walked over to a resting chicken and grabbed it with ease. Tucking the chicken under her arm, she scratched the top of the chicken's head and walked over to where Harry was standing in shock.

“You are something else!” She set the chicken down, watching it run away. Harry grabbed her arm, twirling her around to face him. She placed her arms atop his shoulders, fingers playing with the small curls of his head. His arms wrapped around her waist squeezing her close to him.

It was a beautiful morning on the farm. Fall break on full blast and instead of Harry going back home, he just decided to come see where his girlfriend lives. They were sophomores now, entering almost a year of dating. This had been one the best almost years of their lives.

Harry placed a gentle kiss on her plush lips. She smiled, kissing him back.

“I love you Harry.” She said, staring at his eyes. His eyes opened wide. He stepped back from her and then started jumping up and down out of happiness. He threw her over his shoulder and started running through the blades of grass like the chickens he was trying to catch earlier. Setting her down on her feet she giggled at his antics.

“I cant believe you just said that. Im so fucking in love with you. So in love.” He said squishing her cheeks together, puckering her lips and smacking a wet kiss on her mouth.

“Ew Harry gross.” she giggled as he continued to place wet slobbery kisses over her face.

Y/N was so happy to bring Harry home. She wanted to show her family this new boy that had completely captivated her heart. He fit in with her family perfectly, making jokes, helping with dinner, playing with the little ones. He was family.

Walking into the house, she was greeted with the familiar smell of her grandma's famous peach crumble. She went into the kitchen sitting at one the stools watching her grandmother whip around the kitchen baking a slew of desserts.

“Hey lovebug, you go out and see your chickies?” Her grandmother asked, never losing focus of what she was doing.

“I did, they are all growing up so quick.” Y/N laid her head down on the table staring out of the window. Head fuzzy with anxiety and muddled thoughts.

“What happened to Harry?” Y/N’s head popped off of the table as she looked at her grandmother in confusion.

“How did you know something was up?”

“You're my grandbaby, I know everything about you. You've also been moping around my house so I knew something had happened.” She took a bowl down from the cabinets scooping a hot piece of peach crumble in the bowl and placed it in front of Y/N.

“Yeah, me and Harry split up. We just had a bad fight that put us in a weird place. He cheated on me.” She scooped crumble into her mouth trying to distract herself from her sadness.

“Oh love bug. I'm really sorry about that. Did you guys talk at all?” Placing a pie in the oven, her grandmother took a seat next to Y/N stealing a bite of crumble.

“He actually said goodbye to me before I came home. He gave me a Christmas gift too. I don't know, we didn't really say much. I miss him though. He was drunk when he cheated on me, which isn't an excuse but I think he was taken advantage of. I'm not mad about him cheating on me. I was mad at how he reacted to me. Like I was in the wrong for thinking about our relationship in the long run.”

“I understand. Can I be honest with you?” Crumble gone now, Y/N turned her body to face her grandmother. She shook her head to say yes. “You and Harry will be ok. It feels like the end right now but it isn't. It really isn't. I watched you two all of that one break and I saw a resilient couple who were going to go so far. This bump in the road can be fixed. Baby that boy looks at you like you are the whole universe.” You blushed at her words.

“What do I do then?”

“Well, I think you guys should enjoy this break. Take the time to reflect on what your relationship was and what it could be. Harrys going to go home and be surrounded by family as you are now, just let yourself enjoy that time. When he comes back for school, meet up again and talk. You both are adults- you know what to do.” You took in your grandmother's words. She always knew what to say.

“Why is it that you and mom always give me advice over food?” You laughed as she winked at you kissing you on the cheek.

“Food always makes people listen.”

When Wednesday finally arrived, Harry couldn't have been happier to go home. He had been on campus all alone and just feeling like shit. Maybe it was karma for how he treated Y/N. His heart felt hollow and even though he saw her before she left campus, he knew they still weren't ok. He wanted nothing more than to just be ok with his girl. The girl who makes him feel happiest on his darkest days. He doesn't understand how he would have ruined something so perfect.

At his gate at the airport, Harry sat staring at his phone waiting for something. He didn't know what he was waiting for. He didn't deserve anything, especially because of how bad he messed up. He didn't plan on seeing Y/N last friday before she left but he didn't want to go home without seeing her face. He also spent all night writing her a letter that laid down his thoughts. He also wanted to give her a gift. He bought it at the beginning of the semester back home. He knew it was perfect for her the second he saw it.

“Welcome to British Airways, we are now boarding all priority passengers.”

Harry stood up collecting his carry on and started walking to the line forming in front of the gate. He checked his phone again. Nothing.

As the line moved forward. He checked again. Nothing.

He scanned his ticket. Checked again. Nothing.

Situating himself in his seat on the airplane, Harry didn't even bother checking his phone knowing nothing was there. He clicked his seatbelt over his lap and opened the window beside him to look outside.

His phone buzzing pulled him out of his thoughts. His breath hitched, heart lurching. Pulling his phone out of his pocket he turned the screen on.

To: Harry, from: Bubs<3

Have a safe flight Harry

Harry's eyes welled with tears.

To: Bubs<3, from: Harry

Thank you, love. It means a lot.

To: Harry, from: Bubs<3

I miss you Harry

A few of those tears tipped over the edge now rolling down his face.

To: Bubs<3, from: Harry

I miss you so much baby

And that was it. But that was all Harry needed to feel something again.

Y/N didn't know what compelled her to text Harry. She knows her grandmother told her to take some time but she just wanted to reach out to him. She wanted him to know that she was still here. She was still thinking of him and still wanted this. Whatever ‘this’ was.

Christmas eve came quickly, Y/N’s house filled with family members, food, and little children running around wreaking havoc. Y/N was sitting in her room staring at the drawer where the gift from Harry hid. She was scared to open it. Pushing that fear to the side, she walked over the drawer opening it and grabbing the box and envelope. She put the gift in her purse before grabbing her keys. She couldn't open the gift here. She needed to go somewhere quiet.

She said a quick goodbye to her parents and left the house in a hurry. She found herself parked at a small store's parking lot a few miles away from her house. She kept the car on for the heat but turned off the christmas tunes she had playing low in the background.

She opened her purse to pull the envelope out. Carefully ripping the top of the envelope she pulled out a stack of items. In the envelope were four photos and a handwritten letter. She saved the letter for last.

The first photo was of Harry and Y/N sitting on a bean bag in the library. Harry had the camera outstretched above their heads, Y/N with her face buried in a text book. This was taken in their first year during their first exam week. They were not exclusive yet but their friends knew how close they were- there was no one coming between the two of them. Y/N had been so stressed that week so Harry invited her to the library to eat lunch and study together. He helped her through some science homework which helped dramatically on her exam.

The second image was of Harry and Y/N at their favorite restaurant off campus. It was taken during their sophomore year during their one year anniversary. It was the week before spring break and they had just finished a round of midterms. Harry surprised her with a trip to her favorite restaurant. The waiter offered to take the picture because of how adorable the couple looked. In the picture they were holding hands, smiling wide to the camera. Y/N eyes welled up at how happy they looked together.

The third pic was taken during an event on campus at the end of their freshman year. It was a piece and love festival where different clubs hosted fun activities in hopes of promoting unity on campus. In the picture, Harry and Y/N were holding up braided string bracelets with beads that said their partners name. They always wore those bracelets after that day. Y/N looked down at the slightly faded bracelet on her wrist. Harrys name on her wrist reminding her that he is always with her no matter what. Cheesy as it may be but the cheap string with plastic was something she would never part with.

The last picture was taken on Y/N’s farm. It was by the barn where Harry and Y/N were chasing chickens. It was taken from a high angle from afar. Harry had her on his shoulder and they were both visibly laughing. They had matching overalls with embroidery done by Y/N's aunt. On the back of the picture, Y/N could recognize Harry's handwriting as it said, “Your Grandma emailed me this picture when we got back to campus. She said that she couldn't help but take the picture when she saw how happy you looked.” Y/N laughed at his sloppy handwriting and her grandmother's words.

The last piece of the envelope was the letter. Y/N slowly unraveled the folded paper, smoothing out the crinkles. Taking a deep breath she began reading.

Y/N,

In my eyes, our future is filled with love. I see us buying a small house in your home town because I know you love home. I know you also said you may want to live in a city so if our plans were to change, I could see us living in a small apartment, decorated by you of course, with bookshelves that towered to the ceiling and many plush blankets littering the rooms. I see us working hard during the day and enjoying each other during the evening when we come home. I see bubble baths and fun new dinner recipes. I see me bringing you flowers to brighten your day from a long day of work. I see us travelling to all of the places you have pinned on your “for the future” pinterest board. I see us having a small wedding, my family, your family, some friends and that's it. I'd let you do whatever you like for the wedding because I want to see you happy.

I see little ones. Direct copies of you and me running around in the backyard as we try chasing them and tickling them. I see bedtime stories and fun days at the park. Picnics in the meadow and swimming in the lake. Catching chickens and rough housing with the goats. Pasta sauce around the mouth after a good meal. Frozen yogurt with all of the toppings. I see everything with you. There's not a moment where I don't see us together. I think about our graduation and where we will be after graduation.

I see a future with you and I was an ass to say otherwise. You are everything to me. I should be doing more for our relationship like I used to. I want to take you out on more dates and shower you in gifts because you deserve it. I love you so much. Please don't give up on me and all of the memories we've created. I want it all with you.

School has been hurting me pretty bad and I took it out on you. I cheated on you because I was too drunk to think properly. I hurt the only person whose opinion I hold higher than anyone else's. We built a beautiful relationship of trust and boundaries and I ruined it for no reason. I want to do better. Please let me show you that I can do better.

I found this poem that reminded me of you. I know you like poems and this poem speaks for me wholly.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Have a lovely break and I hope to be able to see you after.

Love Harry.

His letter left the girl speechless. He said everything she wanted to hear. Looking at her phone she checked the time.

7:36 pm

Its about 12 am in london.

Without a second thought she opened Harry's facetime profile and pressed the call button.

Ring. Ring. Ri-

“Love? Are you alright? Did something happen?” Harry was quick to answer, looking half awake and flustered. Y/N broke down in tears immediately. “Y/N are you ok, baby?”

“Harry.” She wailed. It was embarrassing but all of the pent emotion she was holding in finally breached. She couldn't stop crying. Harry sat up from his laying down position in bed holding the phone closer to his face to inspect his girl.

“It's ok bubs, whatever it is, it's ok. I promise it's ok.” Harry tries consoling the girl. Her tears reduced to small sniffles.

“I read your letter Harry. It's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I want it all with you too. I've always wanted it with you. Since the day we met Harry.” He let out a watery laugh so overwhelmed with emotions. She wiped her face of tears looking back at the letter next to her.

“Y/N I love you so much. I do. I know I'm not that good at expressing my emotions but I do want a future with you. I'm hurting knowing I hurt the best thing that's ever happened to me.” His tears continued to flow freely.

“It's ok Harry. I'm not mad anymore. I'm not hurt either I promise. I think I was more upset that we were done. I don't want us to be done. I really don't.”

“I don't want us to be done either. I really want to marry you. Maybe not right now but in time I wanna get married.” He paused, wiping his face. “I wanna get married on your farm, maybe put the chickies in little tuxedos.” She giggled at his proposition.

“They would hate you even more if you did that.” They shared a laugh and then some silence. “I guess it's technically Christmas over there huh? Well Merry Christmas H.”

“It is christmas isn't it? Merry Christmas bubs. Did you open the box?” She grabbed the box next to her to show Harry shaking her head. She unwrapped the paper and revealed a box with a logo she wasn't familiar with.

“What's this?” He encouraged her to keep opening the gift. Lifting the top of the box she let out a loud gasp upon seeing a beautiful gold bracelet sitting on a satin pillow. She placed her phone on the phone stand on her dashboard so she could have both hands to look at the bracelet. The bracelet was gold and thin with a nameplate in the middle. Engraved on the nameplate was Harry's name.

“You went silent on me...Do you like it?” Y/N couldn't stop looking at the bracelet in her hand.

“Harry...It's gorgeous. It's so gorgeous.” She whispered. She slid the perfectly fit bracelet on her hand watching it fall in front of her handmade bracelet. The two bracelets adorned her wrist perfectly. “I love you so much H.”

“I love you too, I do. I can't wait to see you in person and talk.” He replies with his heart clenching in a good way, watching his girl smile happily at her gift.

“Om bubby, I'll let you go to sleep. I love you, spend time with your family and then come back to me as the same Harry I fell in love with.” He smiled, whispering goodnight and hanging up.

Going home that night, Y/N’s family watched her come back into the house walking lighter on her feet and looking happier than she did when she came home from school. She showed her bracelet off to her parents as her grandmother made her a plate of food. She smiled at everyone and talked the whole night. Her grandmother watched from afar feeling her heart fill with joy at her granddaughter's happiness.

As Christmas break went on Harry and Y/N continued to keep their relationship moving slowly. Only calling each other once a day and giving each the much needed space to heal with their respective family. Y/N facetimed him on christmas giving him a youtuber esq. Haul of all of her gifts while he laughed at her silliness. He did the same thing with half the enthusiasm.

As move in day approached, Y/N felt herself becoming worried about her relationship. She worried that when she saw Harry, their relationship would slowly deteriorate. Little did she know that she had no reason to be so afraid. Harry was on his flight back to school ready to hug and hold his girl. He was ready to reunite and be the couple they used to be. He was ready to be a better partner for his girl.

“Alright girly, looks like we got everything squished in your car. Are you sure you've got everything?” Y/N’s mom asked sarcastically. Y/N huffed shoving another bag in the passenger seat.

“Yup that should be it.”

“Ok, well you give me a hug and get going.” Y/N rushed into her mom's arms. Her mom kissed her on the forehead and left Y/N and her grandmother to talk on their own.

“Bye grandma, i'm going to miss you.” Her grandmother held her arms tight.

“You get back to campus and see that boy ok? You go and be in love. You too are old enough to know what you want and this relationship is something you obviously both want.”

Kissing her grandma goodbye, she got in her car and started her drive back to school.

It only took Y/N one trip from her car to her dorm to unload all of her belongings. She was able to snag one of the big trolleys to push her things inside. She watched as friends reunited, she even said hi to a few of her friends but her mind was set on one person. She grabbed her wallet and phone from her dorm and left quickly on a journey to get to Harry’s frat.

The air was cool but Y/N felt warm from how quickly she was booking it to Harry. Harry, just like Y/N, immediately left his room to see Y/N. Having not seen her in a month and some of exam week- he couldn't wait to see her. Harry saw Y/N’s familiar face walking down the sidewalk of his frat and he stopped in his tracks. She smiled her bright, beautiful smile before running over to where he stood. Her arms hooked around his neck as his arms adjusted around her waist. He stumbled a bit from the force of her hug but stood his ground nonetheless.

She held him tight, legs bound around his waist, a few stray tears falling from her eyes. He held her just as tightly, hands tightly holding her thighs and back.

“Hi bubby.” She said in his ear, face burrowed in his neck. He set her down and reached for her face.

‘Hi baby.” She blushed at his nickname. They looked into each other's eyes and time froze like it always did between them. Y/N broke theri moment by pulling his face to hers. They kissed like they hadnt kissed in years. To them the time they spent away from each other felt like years. Their lips fit together like puzzle pieces. Pulling apart, Harry stared down at his heart, tears begging to be free. He opened his mouth to say something and she stopped him.

“It's ok Harry. My baby, it's ok. We are ok.”

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

Taglist: marlananicole17

[draggingthedregs]

as i said earlier, it is an ungodly length but i hope you can enjoy my late night, book-drunk opinions anyway!

***

guess who just finished “ruin and rising”?

i’m seriously not okay. someone send help. i got lots of thoughts, none of which you are obligated to read but this seems like the best place to share.

oh and spoilers, duh.

for starters. woah.

i can’t say it was what i expected but i had known that what my heart really wanted was kinda far out of reach. the ending felt real and feasible, complete with love and loss.

in terms of “ruin and rising” alone, i think it was possibly the strongest of the three books. the pacing was good, nothing felt like it dragged on too long or went too fast for its own good. i think that was really important as well, considering the fact that there was always something going on. literally,, always. no one ever got a damn break.

mal’s “death” hurt me more then i had expected. which honestly leads back to one of my main gripes with this story. the love square (which i elaborate on later in this post, just hold on a bit). i’m not going to lie. i hated mal. through the middle of “siege and storm” up to page 168 of “ruin and rising” (and even then it was a long road from hate to crying over him). he was an ass, i think we can all admit that. for awhile there, i even jumped on the “fuck mal” train and had no plans to stop at any station anytime soon. for the longest time, the relationship with alina felt so fragile and forced, like the only reason it existed was because leigh had written it into existence. though, as i read on, i saw why it was so strained and saw the eventual resolution, which i will admit i was happy with. mal and alina, however annoying and troupe filled their personalities were, did develop as characters. and their relationship made some semblance of sense in the grand scheme of things. does that mean i forgive the “on-again-off-again”, “cold-shoulder”, “we-cant-be-together-in-this-lifetime” bullshit? no. does that mean i suddenly love mal? also, no. does that mean i ship them? ugh slightly. does that mean in a magical dream world where i got to chose what happened, they’d still end up together? impossible to say. BUT i can say, that they deserved each other. and i am happy that they got their peace together like they both always wanted (no matter how out of place it felt at any point), especially considering the fact that she literally had to kill him.

my dear dear darkling... i knew what fate awaited you and yet, when the time came... it hurt just the same.

okay,, that was a bit dramatic. but come on. leigh wrote a damn good villain with aleksander morozova. i meAN, thE lAYERS. he was a horrible person and yet, so many of us still love him. he killed for fun, manipulated no matter the cost, preyed upon the weak because he could, literally blinded his own mother and still! i can’t help but love him. there was so much human woven into his darkness. the moments of simple longing, of exhaustion, of loneliness. in all honesty, if there had been a way to humanize him, to erase or explain away his atrocities and have him just be aleksander again, i feel like i would do it. but, in the context of the story i do understand why it wasn’t possible. redemption for the darkling was off the table, no matter how much humanity still remained. but that’s what makes him such a good character. you want him to be different because you can see the good and all the potential for things to change, for them to rule ravka side by side, but at the same time, he’s the same man who is still actively creating more shadow demon creatures to eat whoever he wishes. you can’t resist him and that’s why he’s so wonderful, yet horrifying at the exact same time. (though don’t worry i am still a trash can and the darklina ship is still superior in the love square. again, i promise i will get there).

i feel like i have to talk about how much i loved the “secondary characters” (i struggle to call them that because they actually run this shit). i will say, at first, i hated zoya. i am not a big fan of the “mean girl” troupe or the “i’m-prettier-than-you-and-i-know-it” thing but... she really grew on me. i looked forward to zoyas comments and constant bitchiness, as did the characters in the books. and when she left the note and the blue kefta with alina in the epilogue,, oh god my heart. and the ragtag crew of grisha making up the remainder of the second army were amazing. their banter and dialogue were some of my favorite scenes to read in “ruin and rising” and i want books just filled with them and only them. david and genya deserve the damn world, adrik was so great, nadia and tamar are so precious, and i will miss harshaw’s weird ass more then you’ll ever know. don’t even get me started on misha and oncat. they are the true stars of this series, you cannot convince me otherwise. god i love them all so much, what a brilliant cast of characters. except the apparat. fuck the stupid ass apparat.

i know what you’re thinking. “you forgot nikolai.” no. i promise you, i most certainly did not. i just love him so much he gets his own chunk.

i mean, how could he not? he’s one of those rare, genuinely perfect characters that are impossible to not love. and i don’t mean perfect because he has no flaws or he’s written unnaturally, i mean perfect because of all of his flaws. he is arrogant and calculating, brash and unapologetic in his ways, but he’s also kind and caring, witty and charming and way too clever for his own good. i rooted for him more then i have ever rooted for someone in my entire life. he made everything ten times better. you can always count on his ass to pop up in a flying ship with a shiny pair of boots, a witty remark, a new plan, and too many ideas.

now, the important business... the ominous love square.

i think the words i used were “one of my main gripes with the story” which is true, but i think leads to a bigger issue with some of the characterization in the story. the “love square” was a term i thought of in relation to the many overlapping and confusing ships that center around alina (obviously being mal, the darkling, and nikolai). all of the ships were so entertwined and written over top of one another that there was no other way for me to describe it and the square seemed like a nice enough analogy. it just felt like way too much on everybody’s plates.

i love nikolai and alinas friendship. i mean, LOVED it. because i loved it so much, i found the little nods to a ship odd and unnecessary. their story line was very focused on the fact that ravka would need a king and queen, hence the scene where he gives her the emerald and all but proposes right then and there. however, that scene would have made scene and carried the same weight had there not been the splashes of romance both before and after. now, i understand why people ship them. and honestly, if under different circumstances, i probably could’ve and would’ve shipped them myself. they would have had one of the best marriages in a society where you didn’t get to marry for love. but it just made everything more complicated. people would’ve speculated on a ship had there been no kisses or pining, soley based on the possibility of a marriage and because of their close friendship so, why was the canon addition of it necessary? i just couldn’t get behind it when i loved their platonic relationship so much and when there were two stronger and more developed ships, waging war in the background.

now, my final bone to be picked... let’s be real for a second, alina in “shadow and bone” sucked. she was annoying and had no personality beyond being a sad, lonely, orphan in the darklings sparkly new grisha world. though i will say, in the later two books, i grew to like her. her character development did its job and i actually think she grew to be a pretty good protagonist. she did her best with the cards she was dealt and i think she did really well. however, her inability to pick a boy constantly bothered me. after being in love with her best friend for literal years, she is really ready to be be the first lady of the second army. and yes. sure you could justify it. she wasn’t getting letters in return, she’d been away for months, she was adapting to her new life, the darkling made her feel seen and wanted which is all a very new feeling to her. but then she goes right back to mal after he makes a confession that he didn’t realize he loved or needed her until she was gone for months (this was one of my biggest problems with mal. my problem only grew when he spent the entirety of “siege and storm” being a dick. but like i said,, we have reconcilied. we are fine now). there were times throughout the series where i genuinely didn’t understand why they were together, why i liked them together, or why i even wanted them to end the series together. alina even asks mal at the end of “ruin and rising” if there entire relationship was based solely on the fact that mal was the last amplifier and the fact that she even had to ask really says something. was their entire romance because of the amplifier? was it because of the “we-are-just-meant-to-be-together” thing? or was there actual chemistry? i really couldn’t tell sometimes. and the darklina ship was even more twisty and winding. he went from telling her deep dark secrets because he wanted to hear the girl he loved say his name to literally threatening everyone she loves because he wants her weak and all to himself. like,, whAt? (again,, layers) and don’t even get me started on the darkling and alina apparition interactions. those were a wild fucking ride. i felt like i was getting manipulated along with the both of them in those. but maybe that was the point of the darkling and alinas relationship. it was supposed to be so horrible yet so electric that you couldn’t pull away. but i doubt the same was meant to be said for mal and alina.

now i feel like i may be coming off in the wrong way. i loved more about this series then i didn’t. but me gushing about every fine detail and conversation that made my heart melt wouldn’t make for the most interesting read, if it was even coherent. all in all, i think it’s safe to say the grisha trilogy is great. does that mean it doesn’t have flaws? of course not. does that mean the flaws outweigh the good and the actual point of the story? absolutely not. my small complaints about a few things really do not take always from the fact that i love this series. i would love anything written by leigh bardugo, especially in the grishaverse.

if you’ve made it this far, that’s commitment. thank you brave soldier. don’t take anything i’ve said with anything more than a grain of salt. seriously. if this is your favorite series, don’t let my lil complaints ruin your day. because really, the good outweighs the bad here tenfold. i’m just a girl with a lot of opinions and a platform to share them at four am... it’s a dangerous game.

but, goodbye grisha trilogy. you have served me well and i will return to reread you soon. but for now i will do a lot of writing (i already have so many fic ideas brewing) and read all the fan fiction and tumblr posts i’ve been avoiding for fear of spoilers.

[shemetan]

rapper hc part 1

hi guys!!! so i’ve had this idea in my head forever and just didn’t have anyone to share it with but i told hedy about it yesterday and she scammed me into creating tumblr acc and sharing it here lol but when i went to write it down i  realized that i have a lot more to share so it’s gonna be just the 1st part for now, which was the only thing i had in my mind originally but now i’m working on expanding it.

i have a lot of ideas from the songs and this is no exception. this time the inspiration was NF - an amazing rapper and song writer. his songs uncover so much trauma and the things he raps and sings about are so real for a lot of us that you can’t help relating to them. NF’s real name is Nathan which also played part in this idea. lyrics of the songs are what the hc is based on so please listen to the songs i mention and pay attention to the lyrics.

ok i don’t wanna waste more of your time bc the hc is big as it is so without further ado let’s dive into it. p.s. it’s the first time i do a thing like that so im sorry in advance for any inconsistencies or the general drama:)))

TW!! (everything is just mentioned, nothing too graphic) physical abuse, verbal/emotional abuse, alcohol, drinking, drug addiction, overdose, death from overdose, kidnapping, torture (beating, skin burning, cuts – all of it not descriptive), violence, breaking one’s own bones, putting bastards to prison. also NF’s lyrics got a lot of triggers and cover very serious issues so if you decide to listen to some more of his music be careful with that. some of the things mentioned in the songs i’ve used here: depression, grave digging, guns, blood (in a non-violent way).

neil’s story: he grew up in an abusive family. his father was drinking a lot and abused him physically and verbally saying that he was nothing and nobody and would not amount to anything in his life. he despised neil’s love for music and laughed at him. he also hit him more when he noticed anything related to neil’s passion (neil humming some melody or listening to music in his headphones or trying to create smth). his mother tried to protect him but she couldn’t do much bc of her drug addiction. she overdosed during his last year in hs and surprisingly left him some money. when Nathan found out about that he was enraged and beat the shit out of neil so he would give him that money. to run away from his father neil goes to university to study his passion – music. he’s always had some kind of knack for creating music and rapping and now he could explore it more and not be afraid of nathan. he tries to overcome his trauma and even makes some friends (the foxes).

during the freshman year andrew and neil spend a lot of time together. they find the reflections of their hurt in each other and they find understanding. they share some of their past and their traumas; their view of the world and their dreams. andrew feels like he is falling because he’s never met anyone like neil. slowly there are soft touches and furtive glances but neither is ready yet to cross that line.

neil seemingly gets better even though there are a lot of hard moments on the way. however at the end of his freshman year nathan finds him and he and his cronies kidnap and beat neil up for Mary’s money keeping him in the basement for several days. this money is all neil’s got to survive and build his life so he doesn’t say anything and thinks of the ways to run. im not good with making up torture techniques and nathan is not so imaginative here but they still leave neil with scars on his face, his torso and hands (mostly burns from cigarettes, iron, cuts from glass bottles). by the end of the third day neil is physically and morally exhausted so he gives up and transfers all the money to them (he’s got a little of it left on his other acc) and they drunk on their win leave him in the basement. he breaks his fingers to get out of the handcuffs and gets out through the small basement window and runs outside. not long after that he collapses from all the exhaustion and blood loss and someone notices him. they call the cops and the ambulance. after that nathan and his cronies are put into prison and neil is left with almost no money. he leaves the state and a year later with a lot of effort, practicing and self-advertising he successfully signs with a music label under the name N/A.

andrew’s story: tilda didn’t give him up but was a shitty mother (obv) with drug addiction. andrew and aaron’s parents were divorced and their father didn’t live with them but tried to be there when he could. andrew started creating music as an outlet bc tilda’s boyfriends were physically abusing him and he tried to protect aaron from that. he and aaron were close bc they only had each other but andrew still didn’t share his trauma with aaron trying to protect him from that hell. of course he was only a child and couldn’t always take aaron’s place in beating but most of it lay on him. while at hs they became a band with the help of nicky and performed with their songs were they could and tried to self-advertise and wymack (he’s the head of the music dep at uni and also one of the profs) noticed them and offered them partial scholarships. they had some money left after tilda’s overdose (they lived for some time with their father after her death) so they went to get actual education on music production (at this point I don’t care how plausible it sounds, just don’t think too much about it ok lol)

the story:

ok so nathaniel once went to uni with the foxes (is there such a major as music production and singing or smth?) but at the end of his freshman year he disappeared. he was not very sociable so no one really cared where’d he go except for the foxes with whom he became somewhat friends. 1-2 years later he pops up as a new young and very talented rapper named N/A and he’s got burn scars all over his face and hands which he doesn’t hide so very intriguing right??? nobody knows much about him and that his name stands for Neil Abram so they take it literally as ‘no data available’ or smth (hedy also proposed “not applicable”!). foxes are like WTF we know that guy!! and wymack is also like isn’t that nathaniel??

Andrew’s become a huge fan of neil’s music. only renee knows that andrew’s been listening to neil’s songs non stop bc he can relate so hard to them and they just hit him right where it hurts. at the end of their last year they have like a huge final concert or smth and wymack organizes it to be held in one of the palmetto clubs. at the same time neil is coming back to Palmetto bc he is nostalgic of the time he spent in the uni with the foxes and he wants to escape his real life for a moment. he wants to visit the city and reminisce and he believes that none of the foxes really remembers him bc he was a nobody. I know the plot is getting ridiculous but bear with me

so it’s the evening of the gig and the students perform their music (songs, instrumentals, as solos/duets/bands etc). andrew majorly produces rap songs at this point and he performs in duet with renee with their song (NF’s “Can you hold me”). everyone is like shit it was so good but then andrew performs his solo song (NF’s “How could you leave us”). aaron is standing there and is a fucking mess bc he never knew andrew was that affected by their past and their mother’s death bc he never showed it and didn’t ever want to talk about his issues. (be warned this is a heart-wrenching song and it fits fucking perfectly). after that andrew almost runs outside for a smoke, trying to light a cigarette with his shaking fingers and thats when he sees a strange all covered up figure in a black hoodie entering the club but also cautiously looking over their shoulder like they don’t want to be caught. andrew ever the protective one follows him but loses in the crowd of the low lit club. 10 mins later there is quiet and the figure goes on stage – obv its neil. “Intro III” starts playing.

andrew is in awe and he’s never heard this song before so it must be new. he also never saw neil perform live so he cant really move bc the performance is so powerful and magnetic. *neils sitting on one of the disconnected amplifiers in the dark and the music starts building up. At 2:00 of the song after the words “I mean, what are you, outta your mind? 'Cause both of us will be, come on, let's go outside!” he pulls off his hood, his movements are fierce and aggressive and he’s almost screaming in the mic. at words “You had me scared for a second, I thought we were diggin' my grave” theres his fathers smile, vicious, crazy and cruel – thats how he remembered it spending 3 days in that basement. (fyi in the song NF’s talking to his fear and they go back and forth).* 

andrew is mesmerized, the foxes are in shock, the whole crowd does not understand who that is but they watch with open mouths. the song ends and the crowd goes wild. that’s when neil starts talking.

“hello palmetto. this is a great concert you got and some of you guys are fucking talented. my name is neil and I used to go to PSU a long time ago so you prolly don’t know me but professor wymack out there let me come here on this stage and sing a couple of my songs for you. one of them is my old song, and another is new but they both tell my story and I hope you like’em”. 

people cheer and applaud and after a moment another song starts playing. its the one andrew knows (it’s Paralyzed). the atmosphere gets way calmer but everyone is just as hypnotized. during the chorus neil is standing under the dim lights, head turned up facing the ceiling, eyes closed, his scars are illuminated. he looks almost peaceful but there’s pain and apathy showing on his face and in his posture. the song ends and neil leaves the stage. andrew cant make his legs move but he has to meet neil (he just realized that neil’s shared his name with them and it wasn’t “nathaniel” and andrew’s got so many questions).

he forces himself to move and almost runs backstage. neil is already leaving but andrew stops him by grabbing him by his arm. they stand there looking at each other, andrew panting, his body shaking a little, neil wide-eyed.

“Andrew…” he whispers obviously surprised by seeing Andrew here.

“Nath- Neil.” suddenly Andrew cant ask a single question. he’s got so many that it feels like a waste of time to ask them one by one. Neil looks down at where Andrew is still grabbing his arm and Andrew lets go off him like its burnt him. “You are here” he lets out on the exhale like he still can’t believe it.

Neil averts his eyes and puts the hood of his sweater on his head so that the shadows obscure half of his face. “Yeah” he replies and after a few seconds follows with hesitant “How are you?” It is a stupid question, Andrew thinks but he answers nonetheless with simple fine. Neil holds his head low, and Andrew can’t help but wonder if Neil doesn’t wanna look him in the eyes after his disappearance so many years ago or if he simply doesn’t want to see Andrew’s face. Both options hurt him but he doesn’t have the heart to ask.

the end of part 1. come yell at me on twt or here hihi