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lady-of-the-lotus · 4 years

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It’s not Wei Wuxian’s fault that A-Yuan thinks he’s a rabbit, or Jiang Cheng’s fault that toddler Jin Ling used to Zidian to short out the city’s power grid, or Xue Yang’s fault that little A-Qing was strapped to his chest during a motorcycle joyride down the highway, but they are stuck going to family counseling, along with a bored Lan Wangji, a giggly Xiao Xingchen, an out-to-lunch Lan Xichen, and an indignant Jin Guangyao. A lonely Nie Huaisang gets in on the action by joining all twenty group chats and sending way too many gifs.

And, all the while, a rebellion is brewing on Wangxian’s block, their neighbors driven mad by the incessant midnight duets.

Poor Dr. Wen Qing, child psychologist and therapist extraordinaire. What has she done to deserve this?

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Or read below if the spirit so moves you:

There’s a letter nailed to the door when they arrive home.

Wei Wuxian rips the letter from the nail and reads it aloud.

“ ‘We, the undersigned, do hereby declare Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji to be persona non grata on Cultivator Court for the following reasons: One: Wild animals leaving unspeakable ‘presents’ on our lawns—’ ”

Wei Wuxian looks up. “That would be Lil’ Apple. Do they sell donkey diapers?”

Lan Wangji unlocks the door. “What else?”

“ ‘Two: Gangs of feral rabbits rampaging through our flower beds!’ –They do have a point here. How they keep getting loose I’ll never know. ‘Number Three: Loud duets at midnight. We get it! You’re in love! Get a soundproof basement or shut the hell up!’ ” Wei Wuxian wrinkles his nose. “Who spit in their bean curd?”

“Where do these people meet, and can I join?” asks Jiang Cheng.

* * * *

One month earlier:

It's all the daycare’s fault, really. And also the gang’s mutual pediatrician for getting involved and setting them up with a family therapist.

And they all know they should be grateful that the authorities are letting them off easy. But—

Weekly family therapy sessions that double as parenting classes? They all already know how to change diapers and hide the matches and make airplane noises.

And none of it’s not any of their faults. More of a…

“Series of misunderstandings,” explains Wei Wuxian to Dr. Wen Qing. “I’m sure when you hear the full story, you’ll laugh too. Right, Lan Zhan?”

“I don’t think she ever laughs,” whispers Xue Yang to Xiao Xingchen, who can’t see Dr. Wen’s impassive face but dissolves into a fit of giggles anyway.

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at the two of them and turns to Dr. Wen. “How long is this going to take? My new fashion line launches next week! I don’t have time for this—ow!” He jerks around at A-Yuan, who's gazing up at him innocently. He glares at Wei Wuxian. “Your carrot-brained little son bit me!”

Wei Wuxian scoops his son up onto his lap. “Don’t worry, A- Yuan, Uncle Cheng didn’t mean it—”

“Thumper!” A-Yuan corrects him.

“I’m sorry. Don’t worry, Thumper , Uncle Cheng didn’t mean it.”

“That’s normal,” says Xue Yang. “ ‘Thumper’?”

Xiao Xingchen hushes him.

“I just meant I’d go for a better name,” Xue Yang goes on. “Like Iago or Mushu if we’re picking from annoying cartoon animals. Doesn’t Thumper get shot?”

“You’re thinking of Bambi,” says Meng Yao irritably. He doesn’t look up from his phone as his finger moves in a blur over the screen. He’s missing several important meetings to be here. “He's the one who gets shot.”

A- Yuan’s eyes are huge. “Bambi gets shot?”

“No, Bambi’s mother gets shot,” Xue Yang explains.

A- Yuan bursts into tears.

Lan Wangji shoots Xue Yang a look that’s pure poison.

Dr. Wen clears her throat. “This is perhaps a good example of the dysfunction that—"

“Don’t worry, Thumper’s parents are just fine!” Wei Wuxian tells A- Yuan, squeezing the boy tighter. “Jiang Cheng, show him their pictures on your phone!”

“Do you think I have cartoon rodents as my wallpaper?”

“Google it!”

“Kid’s got to learn about death sometime.” Xue Yang places a lollipop in A-Yuan’s plump little hand. A-Yuan grins at him through his tears. Xue Yang is the kids’ favorite, to the jealousy of everyone but Xiao Xingchen, who is just as beloved. “See? Now he’ll always remember it as something sweet.”

The entire group gives him a Look, save Xiao Xingchen, who’s smiling and nodding.

Sometimes I think he’s deaf as well as blind , Meng Yao texts the others. There are an endless number of group chats, with most created just to complain about the people not on that specific group chat.

WWX : That’s cruel, but...

Jiang Cheng makes an impatient sound. Jin Ling is perched on his knee, slobbering on his custom lotus-patterned purple leather cell phone case. He takes his phone out of the toddler’s mouth and sets him down on the floor. “Can we move this along? Some of us have better things to do.”

“Yes. Thank you, Mr. Jiang.” Dr. Wen glances around the circle of folding chairs. “Now, do we all know why we’re here? Mr. Xue? Would you like to go first?”

Xue Yang stops picking at his chipped black nail polish. “What?”

“Do you know why you’re here, Mr. Xue?”

“I told A-Qing to stop biting people unless they really deserve it, and besides, she’s fully vaccinated, so I don’t see the problem there—”

“Mr. Xiao? Any ideas?”

Xiao Xingchen clears his throat and shuffles his sandaled feet, nervously smoothing the fringe on his oversized tie-dye poncho. “I’m not exactly sure why we’ve been included in a Jiang family therapy session, to be quite honest.”

“Your husband and daughter have been…implicated in some of the group’s…let’s call them mishaps, and as your daughter has adopted A- Yuan’s rabbit fixa—wait a minute, where is your daughter?”

“Xingchen’s got her,” shrugs Xue Yang.

JC - JGY - WWX - Jin Ling’ Uncles

JGY : *That’s* reassuring...

JGY : They make baby leashes for a reason

WWX : Lan Zhan threatened to buy me one the last time we went to the mall. I was lost for a half hour

JC : Are you sure he wasn’t just trying to lose you in the crowd?

WWX : Actually, I think Lan Zhan *did* buy the leash in the end…

*Jiang Cheng has left the chat*

Dr. Wen inclines her head. “Your husband is beside you, Mr. Xue. Your daughter is not.”

Xue Yang cranes his neck around the room. “I’m sure she’s fine, wherever she is. Unrelated question, are all of the valuables around here locked up, or—?”

“Mr. Xue—”

“We’ll know soon enough anyway. Is there an alarm system? No, don’t tell me. I’d rather be surprised. Be right back.” He tucks his phone inside his ripped black jeans and leaves the room, whistling. The clomp of his heavy combat boots disappears down the hall.

“Don’t worry,” says Xiao Xingchen, who seems to have missed a good half of what his husband has said, as usual. “This happens all the time. A-Qing has an excellent sense of direction.”

WWX - JGY - XY - JC - LWJ - Cabbage Patch Kids

JC : What the hell does that mean? The kid’s like 5

WWX : 3, tops

JC : No way she’s 3. She stole my watch last time she played w Jin Ling

LWJ : Are you certain that wasn’t her father?

NHS : XXC would never hahaha 😭 😭 😭

WWX : Huaisang! Whassup!

NHS:

WWX: You change the chat name again? I like it.

JC: Can he take my place here? This whole thing is inane

WWX : "Inane"! So you *have* been using the Word of the Day calendar Lan Zhan bought you!

JC : Shut up

JGY : Like a 5-year-old stealing a watch makes any more sense than a 3-year-old?

WWX : Oh we’re back on that?

NHS : Who stole who’s what now?

LWJ : *whose

JGY : Jiang Cheng was robbed by a toddler.

JC : Don’t you have some corporate espionage to go do or someone’s job to steal or something?

NHS:

JC: Send one more gif and I reach through your phone and strangle you

NHS:

WWX: Did you watch Shrek again without us? That’s A- Yuan’s fav movie

NHS: ur always so busy w lwj n the baby n playing w ur corpses lately!

Dr. Wen sighs. “All right, then. Who would like to go next? Mr. Jiang? How about you? Phones away, everyone, please.”

Jiang Cheng makes a show of being annoyed at having to look up from his phone. “I shouldn’t even be here. This is idiotic.”

WWX - NHS

WWX: Or “inane”

NHS:

“That’s not what the power company report says, Mr. Jiang. Now, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything, but there are concerns—”

“I swear Zidian was depowered when I gave it to Jin Ling to play with,” Jiang Cheng says irritably. “He teethed on that thing for months as a baby. It’s fine.”

WWX -XY - LWJ - JGY - 🧟 🍬 🐇 🤠

JGY: Did Jiang Cheng just tell a mandated reporter that he let Jin Ling teethe on his magic lightning whip?

XY: dammit Im missing all the good stuff!

LWJ: *I’m

NHS:

JGY: You’re wasting my phone’s memory with these ridiculous gifs.

NHS: *inane gifs

XY: Jiggy why don’t you just have your 🍬 🍭 👦👨 buy you a fancy new phone with more memory?

NHS:

WWX: XY did you find A-Qing?

NHS: He lost A-Qing again?

LWJ: …Again?

XY: NHS do you like your tongue where it is or

NHS:

JGY: ?

XY: fingers. whatever.

WWX: I'm lost too

XY: nvm

JGY: That was edifying.

“Now, Mr. Jiang, I don’t mean to insinuate that you let your three-year-old nephew play unsupervised with a dangerous weapon that mistakenly activated and went on to fry the power grid and knock out all power within a five-mile radius for two weeks—”

JGY: Despicable inefficiency

“—or that you took him to a weapons expo, because, I quote ‘He’s going to have to learn to fight eventually anyway’—”

“It was an archery range.”

WWX - LWJ - NHS - Wen Chao Sucks!

WWX: Start ‘em young

NHS: i think it's inane

NHS: WWX? did LWJ smile at that one?

LWJ: No

WWX: He’s laughing on the inside

NHS: how….inane

“Mr. Jiang? Have you any response?”

Jiang Cheng crosses his arms over his chest. Jin Ling is hopping around on the floor with A- Yuan. Obviously not electrocuted, Jiang Cheng thinks, so what’s the problem? “So when my brother blows out the entire neighborhood’s power doing illegal experiments in his garage it’s okay, but I plug a space heater into the same outlet as a toaster and I’m suddenly the devil incarnate?”

NHS - WWX - JGY - Two Bros & A Guy

NHS : Why would you need a space heater in the kitchen? what I do is turn the oven on and that gets the room all hot

WWX : I think you need a new oven

NHS : Are ovens not supposed to do that??

WWX : Do fridges radiate cold?

NHS : I never thought about it that way 🤔

JGY : In the history of the world, nobody ever has.

WWX : Also, all of my illegal experiments are electricity-free.

JGY : …Jin Ling is never spending the night at your house again.

WWX : I said electricity-FREE!

JGY : Because a fridge full of corpses that you and that psychotic hooligan are trying to raise from the dead is so much better.

WWX : A) it’s a top-of-the-line industrial freezer, not a fridge, and B) those corpses were ethically-sourced—locally-sourced, anyway—

NHS : free-range & organic

WWX : zip it Huaisang

NHS : 🐓

Dr. Wen taps her clipboard with her pen. “Mr. Jiang, nobody's accusing you of anything. This is simply—”

“Whatever. What about him?” Jiang Cheng jerks a thumb at Meng Yao. “At least I didn’t set fire to anything.”

Meng Yao straightens up indignantly. “That was an accident!”

Dr. Wen looks like she wants to go home. “According to the fire marshal’s report, it—”

“I’m so terribly sorry I’m late!” A slightly disheveled Lan Xichen appears in the doorway, Xue Yang behind him. “I locked my keys in the car, and was going to call AAA, but then I remembered that we aren’t members—did you know you have to be a member?—plus my phone—”

Xue Yang slaps him on the back. His other hand, gloved as always, is holding A-Qing by the hand. Her oversized pockets clink suspiciously as she runs to go play with A-Yuan and Jin Ling. Today Xue Yang has dressed her in a pink poodle skirt, black boots with frilly socks, and a black T-shirt with the words “Daddy’s Little Delinquent” in pink script, pulling her hair into spiky little pigtails.

“—and the look the bus driver gave me when I tried paying with the $50 I luckily had in my pocket!”

“He’s telling the truth,” Xue Yang says. Over the years, an odd friendship has sprung up between him and Lan Xichen. “He has a stamped bus pass and everything. Look at the poor man. Had to squash in with the hoi poloi. He won’t be over this for weeks.”

Lan Xichen is blinking too much. “And someone on the bus stole my wallet, though I could have sworn I left the bus with it—”

Xue Yang winks at A-Qing, who grins at him and pats the bulging pocket on her frilly pink skirt.

JC - WWX

JC : Why is my lead fashion designer wearing CROCS??

WWX : His house keys must have been on the same keychain. Lan Zhan said he took today off from work

JC : Okay but why are they orange?

WWX : Not everything he owns has to be blue, you know

JC : His contract clearly states at least three out of every four articles of clothing have to be blue!

WWX : Relax, lil bro

JC : He’s the face of our Overly Elaborate Yet Elegantly Simple Eveningwear division!

NHS : Who is?

JC : GET BIRD BRAIN OFF THIS CHAT OR I SWEAR TO ZIDIAN—

NHS : 😿 who just showed up? Xichen?

WWX : Yup he just arrived after a harrowing bus experience

NHS : https://cutt.ly/Mks2dgu ?

JC : Does anyone actually like when people send them links??

NHS : https://cutt.ly/hks21H8

Meng Yao is wearing what Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang call his "customer service smile," a holdover from his dark days in retail. It's the closest he ever gets to showing irritation towards his fiancé. “Why didn’t you Uber over, Xichen?”

“I locked my phone in the car with the keys—”

“It’s fine, Mr. Lan," says Dr. Wen. "Please have a seat. You’re just in time. After all, you were mentioned by name in the fire marshal’s report, along with the somewhat contradictory descriptions of ‘dazed’ and ‘hysterically sobbing,’ which naturally piqued my interest—”

Lan Xichen seats himself beside Meng Yao. He's still looking somewhat frazzled Then again, his main two facial expressions are “gentle smile” and “mild anxious look.” “That was an accident. The fire, I mean. A little mishap.”

“Gentlemen, all of these incidents cannot be mere ‘accidents’—”

“I was meditating and A-Ling wandered in and knocked over the incense burner,” Lan Xichen explains hurriedly. Meng Yao, well-practiced as he is at hiding his emotions, winces slightly. “The window was open, and there was a breeze, and A-Yao just bought these new gauzy curtains that tend to flap about quite a bit—”

XY - JGY - LWJ - JC - NHS - Crossing Us Is A *Great* Idea

XY : And burn quickly

NHS : What am I missing???

XY : Insurance fraud

NHS:

XY : Yes. We’re all complicit now

JGY : Xue Yang, have you heard of a little something called libel?

XY : 🖕 We should go back to building with asbestos like they did in the good old days

JC : We’re all so glad you’re here, Xue Yang

NHS : I need to adopt a kid so I can join your group or something, this sucks, you get to go this secret club every week, jc I see wwx even less than you do

JC : stop talking

XY : What color baby you want, NHS?

JC : What the hell??

XY : That was a joke

NHS: ....

“…and I was so deep in meditation I didn’t notice the flames until the fire department arrived, but A-Ling was fine, just fine, and all the fire fighters were so very nice…”

WWX : Can confirm. Xichen was more traumatized than the kid. The firefighters had to wrap him in like fifty foil blankets

XY : XXC tells me Himbo stayed with you a full week, was that why? my boy didn't tell me

LWJ : “Himbo”? He got 1600 on his SAT.

XY: Term of endearment he knows he’s my boy plus the guy locked his keys and phone in the car for the second time this month

JC : At least he feels remorse over his child endangerment, unlike certain other people I could mention

LWJ : "Child endangerment"?

XY : Tell us again about how Jin Ling used to teethe on Zidian, JC?

NHS:

“Dr. Wen will be pleased to know that my apartment is now fully equipped with a top-of-the-line sprinkler system,” says Meng Yao smoothly. “No more incense, either. This unfortunate incident will never be repeated again.”

XY - WWX - JC - Odd Man Out

XY : At least not until the insurance money runs out

WWX : 😒

XY : Not that he needs it, after landing Himbo

NHS:

WWX: Those jokes really aren't funny

NHS: 😔

JC: Dammit NHS are you in every chat?? Did you change the chat names? Why aren't you showing up on half the participant lists?? Did you hack our phones or what??

NHS: Don’t be so *inane*

Wei Wuxian titters.

“Mr. Wei? Since you seem so eager to speak, perhaps we should move onto your issues, then.”

Wei Wuxian straightens up and points to his chest, the picture of innocence. “Me?”

Dr. Wen smiles thinly. “You, Mr. Wei. Perhaps you can tell us your side of what the school is referring to as ‘The Radish Incident.’ ”

“Well….” Wei Wuxian darts a glance over at Lan Wangji, who is as impassive as ever. “I was just burying him for fun, you know. We like to pretend he’s a radish—“

“A radish?”

“It’s a…you know. A game. I personally like potatoes better, but—”

“Mr. Wei, several parents complained to the school.”

“Because we were hogging the sandbox.”

“Because your son was running around screaming ‘I’m a chubby little radish boy!’ Which in itself would not be cause for concern. But coupled with his troubling behavior the following week—"

XY - JC - JGY - Two Men & A Half

XY : Where did she get these records? Who does she work for, the NSA?

NHS : She’s an astronaut?

JGY : How did you sneak into this chat? And did you rename it?

NHS : 😉

JGY: You're what, an inch taller than me?

XY: someone struck a nerve

JGY: It's just derivative of the other group chat, that's all.

NHS : u said no to "gettin' jiggy w it" i had no other choice. anyway what's happening over there?

JC : I’ll give Dr. W this, that kid is weird.

NHS : who a-yuan?

JC : I’ll give Dr. W this, that kid is weird.

JC : I mean, he’s my nephew, he’s a great kid, that’s not what I’m meant—

XY : *delete delete*

JC : How does your hippie husband put up with you??

JGY : We suspect brainwashing or blackmail.

“—when he decided he was a rabbit or," Dr. Wen continues, "or, as he put it, ‘Daddy’s Huggy Little Bunny Boy.”

“He is Daddy’s Huggy Little Bunn—"

“And only responds to the name ‘Thumper,’ refuses to eat anything other than carrots or food containing carrots, insists on wearing bunny ears—"

XY - NHS

XY : If it’s good enough for Louis Belcher, it’s good enough for Freaky Little Bunny Boy

NHS:

you watch the show too?? I call mingjue “bob” - u know - grumpy mustache guy

XY : I’m sure that’s gone over well

NHS: he’ll learn to love it

XY : A-Qing loves Louis

NHS:

“—hops around instead of walking, and has convinced others of the same…fantasy.”

Everyone glances over at the three children, who are hopping in a circle. A-Yuan has a fluffy little tail on the seat of his pants, carefully sewn on by Lan Wangji. Jin Ling has a handful of cotton balls that had been badly superglued on by an annoyed Jiang Cheng. And A-Qing has a wad of blue cotton candy taped to her frilly pink skirt with a strip of duct tape. As they watch, Jin Ling rips the cotton candy off and stuffs it in his mouth. A-Qing shoves him onto his cottony rear end.

“That’s my girl!” Xue Yang calls.

“Daddy’s proud of you!” Xiao Xingchen adds, though he’s not quite sure what’s going on.

Dr. Wen sighs. “I’m still unclear about how this started. Was it the rabbit incident? Mr. Lan—" She nods her head at Lan Wangji to differentiate between the brothers. Lan Xichen has fallen asleep in his chair, exhausted by his first-ever bus ride. “—I mean, I beg your pardon, Dr. Lan. Perhaps you can fill us in on that? He told his teacher he was attacked by a rabbit monster."

“So he was bitten by one rabbit!” Wei Wuxian says when Lan Wangji just eyes her coldly. “It wasn’t Lan Zhan’s fault. That rabbit was bad news. It had this gleam in its eye—lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes—"

Xiao Xingchen emits a muffled little squeak. Xue Yang looks annoyed. He hates when other people make Xiao Xingchen laugh.

NHS - JC

NHS:

JC: yes yes we all get the Jaws reference

NHS: the last movie we all watched together : /

JC: yes I just said that

NHS: like three months ago

JC: and?

NHS: just saying...

“He was scared of the rabbits after that, and so Lan Zhan told him that rabbits only bite their own, and, well…I mean, we have a hundred rabbits in our backyard. It was either rehoming them and making the news like those crazy cat people, or making A-Yuan feel better.”

A-Yuan hops past, wiggling his cotton tail.

Jiang Cheng rubs his temples.

“All right, Mr. Wei. Thank you. That’s…elucidating. We’ll delve into that in future sessions. Now, perhaps we can discuss the June 7th incident involving you and Mr. Xue?”

Xiao Xingchen starts to laugh again. Xue Yang grins to himself.

LWJ - JC

LWJ : What happened on the 7th?

JC : Am I my brother’s keeper??

“Now, the seventh? I was…hard to remember, all that time ago…” Wei Wuxian taps his chin. "The mists of time and all that."

“It was three weeks ago, Mr. Wei.”

“The seventh….the seventh…was that a Tuesday—?”

“Wen Chao had it coming,” said Xue Yang. Smirking, he twirls his ponytail around a finger. His ponytail is long and sleek and sprouts from the top of his head like an 80s schoolgirl's. “Amiright, ‘Mr. Wei’?”

Wei Wuxian coughs. “You mean the Wen Chao who lives on Qishan Road? That Wen Chao?”

“That spoiled rich kid?” Jiang Cheng asks. (“As if you’re one to talk,” says Xue Yang.) “With the oversized Humvee and tractor-sized tires with spinning rims? Zipping down the street at all hours and blasting his music? I went to college with him. He used to leave double-deckers in the bathroom at frat parties.”

Dr. Wen swallows a long-suffering sigh. “Thank you, Mr. Jiang. I’m sure that information will prove most helpful in evaluating your brother’s case. Mr. Wei, your arrest, combined with the Huggy Little Bunny Boy Incident, does not fill me with confidence.”

“Not arrested—"

“Taken for questioning,” Xue Yang agrees. “By the neighborhood watch. Golf dads and wine moms. Very different from 'arrested.' "

"And you should know," says Meng Yao.

JC - JGY

NHS : What’s going on? What am I missing????

JGY: Did you just make a new group chat? Your name isn't showing up. This is disconcerting.

NHS: don’t worry about it

JC : We’re talking about Wen Chao

NHS : overcompensating humvee ex-frat boy with the hair gel? vomit in the jacuzzi and streak across the field at the big game wen chao? ur babysitter's cousin?

JC : The very idiot

NHS : He has nice sunglasses

JC : For a Russian mobster

NHS : Says the guy who owns a purple zebra striped jacket

JC : Says the guy with more bird-themed shirts than Winston Bishop

JGY : Touche.

NHS : i didn’t know u watch New Girl 2! we must talk l8tr shorturl.at/vDI26

JGY : Your abbreviations are marginally shorter than the actual words.

NHS :

JC : Cleaning bird cages does take up most of one’s afternoon

NHS : see, u get it

JC : Dr. Wen isn’t buying whatever WWX is selling here.

JGY : Wen Chao is related to Dr. Wen. If WWX had any more sense than a chipmunk, he’d realize that. No matter how much you hate someone, family is family...

“Wen Chao was a public menace,” says Wei Wuxian self-righteously. “He deserved what he got. Speeding down the street all the time. Think of the children!”

LWJ - WWX

LWJ: Why is this my first time hearing about this?

WWX: You’ve heard me complain about WC a million times. I even named a group chat after him!

LWJ: Wei Ying.

WWX: You were off visiting your uncle with A-Yuan ! You left me unsupervised! I am not to be blamed!!!

LWJ: We’ll discuss this later

WWX: 😓

“Perhaps the better question is where you got all those fish,” says Dr. Wen.

Everyone turns to look at Xue Yang.

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” he grins.

Xiao Xingchen chuckles.

“Five hundred dollars in damages, Mr. Xue. Raw fish juice is difficult to get out of faux tiger fur upholstery, I understand.”

Xue Yang flaps his hand. “His father can afford it.”

“That is not the—" Dr. Wen stops, perhaps realizing that an argument with Xue Yang means forfeiting a chunk of her sanity. “Moving on, Mr. Xue, can you explain this picture you posted on social media?”

“That picture’s an old one. A-Qing’s just a baby.”

“Mr. Xue, given the recent threats you made towards A-Qing’s daycare teacher for putting her in a time-out for stealing her classmate’s graham crackers and apple juice, this is relevant.”

“Posting that to the public account was a mistake, if that’s your concern. My Insta for A-Qing is private, but I was in a candy store and got kind of distracted by the new sugar-frosted fruity explosion jaw-busting mega bombs—"

“You fail to understand the issue, Mr. Xue. What’s that in her mouth?”

“Fingers. Or is that a toe?”

Xiao Xingchen laughs.

“They weren't real,” says Xue Yang.

WWX - JC

WWX:

JC: Great more gifs

“I think I have one with the Halloween store tags still on—" Xue Yang scrolls through the hundreds of photos of A-Qing filling his phone. “Should be one in here somewhere—oh, look, Xingchen, these are from your birthday party; I tell you, Amazo the Magnificent had no sense of humor at all; you’d think nobody had ever replaced his rabbit with a porcupine before-"

Jin Ling hops by. “Rabbit!” he cheers.

Jiang Cheng groans.

“There is blood on the fingers, Mr. Xue.”

Xue Yang gives a breezy laugh. “Paint. The springy plastic is perfect for teething. You just put it in the freezer for a few hours—real fingers wouldn’t work; they’d freeze solid, which makes good ice packs for those hard-to-reach places, sure, but as far as teething goes—”

Dr. Wen holds up a hand. “Thank you, Mr. Xue. That’s enough. My next question is about this speeding ticket, which you received while your daughter was strapped to your chest.”

“She was wearing a helmet!”

“You were driving a motorcycle down the highway, Mr. Xue.”

Xue Yang glances hurriedly at Xiao Xingchen, who’s frowning. “These were two separate incidents—"

“Mr. Xue, I don’t think that that makes it much better—"

“Ouch!” Meng Yao shoots to his feet. “He bit me! Your son bit me!”

Wei Wuxian scoops up A- Yuan, who's looking very satisfied with himself. “You shouldn’t have worn a carrot-orange shirt, then.”

“It’s not orange, it’s beige—"

“Maybe he was aiming for Xichen’s crocs and missed,” Xue Yang suggests.

Meng Yao pats his pockets. “Where’s my phone?”

Xue Yang winks at A-Qing, whose already-stuffed pocket is bulging further. Xue Yang likes dressing her in disarmingly cute dresses and skirts with huge pockets, the better to hide her loot. She grins and twirls a pigtail like Xue Yang twirls his ponytail and skips off with Jin Ling and A- Yuan.

Meng Yao is wearing the fixed smile of a Starbucks barista whose customer just asked to speak to the manager. Never a good sign. “Could somebody be so kind as to call my phone?”

Wei Wuxian makes a show of dialing. No one else moves. Lan Xichen mumbles something to himself in his sleep, chin sunk deep in his chest.

“Sorry, Jiggy,” says Wei Wuxian. “Maybe you left your phone at home?”

“You all saw me using it not a minute ago, and kindly stop calling me Jiggy—"

“A-Yao?”

Meng Yao’s customer service smile slips. “Just stop talking for five seconds, that’s all I ask—"

Dr. Wen shakes her head. At this point she seems more bored than anything else. “Moving along, Mr. Xiao, this is perhaps inconsequential when held up beside your husband’s joyrides with A-Qing—"

“Not a joyride,” Xue Yang interrupts. “That motorcycle is registered in my name. Well, a name—"

“—but A-Qing’s teacher has told me that she witnessed you allowing A-Qing to take candy from strangers.”

“The lady seemed nice,” says Xiao Xingchen, folding his hands placidly in his lap. “She had peppermints.”

Xue Yang sighs fondly.

JC - WWX

NHS: thnx for calling me WWX. reception could be better but this is better than anything on tv. literally candy from strangers?

JC: Dear heaven HE’S back. Just text a chat you're actually on!

NHS: ‘Dear heaven’?

JC: This is inane!

WWX: …not bad

Xiao Xingchen smiles. “She smelled like snickerdoodles and lavender.”

Dr. Wen sighs. “Mr. Xiao—"

“I’ll talk to him later, doctor,” says Xue Yang, patting Xiao Xingchen’s arm reassuringly. “Anything else? What did Mr. Beige do?” He grins at Meng Yao, who’s still looking for his phone.

“Mr. Meng, aside for the fire, which we’ve established is not your fault—though, fiance or not, you should be a bit more judicious in your choice of babysitters—"

Lan Wangji shoots Dr. Wen a look that almost melts the metal clip on her clipboard.

She absorbs it without so much as an eyebrow twitch. “—there is the Treehouse Incident, though I don’t believe the collapse of your nephew’s treehouse was your fault.”

JC - WWX - LWJ - We’re All Cool Here We Promise

NHS : i hear he bought the biggest fanciest one he could then set it up himself and then it fell down at the first storm. if that’s not a metaphor for his life I don’t know what is

JC : That wasn’t funny, someone could have gotten hurt

WWX : it was kind of funny

NHS : it was very funny

LWJ : "Hurt" like a baby at a weapons expo?

NHS : LWJ IN DA HOUSE!

JC : It was an ARCHERY RANGE

LWJ:

NHS: LWJ USED A GIF IM DEAD LMAO—

LWJ: *I’m

“We are suing the playhouse company,” says Meng Yao. “Right, Xichen?”

“Hm?” Lan Xichen sits up with a jerk. “I beg your pardon?”

Meng Yao gives him a patient smile and turns back to Dr. Wen. “As you can see, we have the situation well in hand.”

Lan Xichen has no idea what he’s talking about but nods along anyway. “Of course we do. In fact—" He whips out a recorder and starts playing “Wonderwall.”

“That was…lovely,” says Dr. Wen once he finishes. “Don’t do it again. Now, moving on to the County Fair Incident—"

“Which was an accident!”

“One more interruption, Mr. Wei, and you will be asked to return for solo counseling."

JC - LWJ - XY - NHS - Lan Wangji Pls Stop Vetoing All My Best Chat Names Thnx

NHS : Make him stand in the corner! LWJ, does that ever work at home?

XY : I think he uses *stronger* methods 😏

*Lan Wangji has left the chat*

JC : Xue Yang shut up I will end you that’s my brother

XY : End me with your sparkly little whip? 👀

JC : Your husband’s sitting right next to you you little freak. Allo people are so fricking annoying!

NHS : hey!

JC: I call it as I see it

NHS: your one to talk 😒

*Lan Wangji has joined the chat*

LWJ : *You're

*Lan Wangji has left the chat*

XY : How old were you when you lost your sense of humor, Grape Boy?

JC : “Grape Boy” is that the best you can do?

XY : there are children present

NHS : 🤭 🤭 🤭

JC : Same way there are children present while barreling down the highway at 80 mph on a motorcycle?

NHS:

XY : The state troopers blew that way out of proportion

Dr. Wen taps her clipboard. “Stealing livestock violates Section 2 of the Farm and Livestock Act—”

“No harm no foul,” shrugs Xue Yang. “And Xiao Xingchen gave all the trampled people candy afterward, so we’re all square. Well, snacks, anyway."

“Good snacks,” Xiao Xingchen adds. “Carob-covered rice cakes and trail mix.”

NHS: 🤢

“You can’t just hand out nuts children who might have an allergy—"

“There were also boxes of raisins. Full-size.”

Dr. Wen struggles to keep from rolling her eyes. Jiang Cheng rolls his hard enough for the both of them.

JC - NHS

NHS:

JC: wtf is that get that off my screen

“According to the police report, all three of your children broke into the paddock, released the donkey, and rode him down the main promenade, scattering fairgoers in their wake. I have the video.” Dr. Wen holds up her phone. Loud screams and merry-go-round music blast from her phone. “Mr. Xue? Anything to say?”

“That guy was barely trampled,” says Xue Yang. “Also, I had nothing to do with opening the paddock, whose latch sticks (just by the way), or helping the kids up onto the donkey, so—"

“This was found at the scene.” She holds up black leather necklace with a single red bead. "Look familiar, Mr. Xue?”

Xue Yang touches his bare throat. “I’ve been framed.”

“And this.” She holds up a flute and glances over at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian darts a quick glance over at Lan Wangji, who does not look amused. Then again, he never does. “Since when was I even a suspect—?"

“Since you left your flute there like an idiot,” says Jiang Cheng.

“Lil’ Apple’s paddock was too small! I had to do something."

“Gentlemen—"

The cuckoo clock on the wall goes off, waking up Lan Xichen, who’s drifted off again. He whips out his recorder again but Meng Yao lays a gently restraining hand on his wrist.

Dr. Wen rises. “We will continue this next week. In the meantime, I have some worksheets—"

JC - NHS

JC : Kill me now

NHS : i wouldnt tempt LWJ if i were u…

JC : not like I take up any of WWX’s precious time anyway anymore. LWJ goes out of town and WWX teams up with that nutcase ex-juvenile delinquent of all people to vandalize WC’s car?? In college we stole WC's team's stupid tortoise mascot together

NHS : …..i'll call u later

JC : Please don’t

NHS :

NHS: u can come over on ur own to watch a movie or smthing u know

NHS: ur new line launched already so ur not so busy now right?

NHS: u can bring jin ling along as a chaperone if u want

NHS: hello?

NHS: that was a joke…

JC: okay but no more romcoms

NHS: u brought mama mia over last time not me

JC: I grabbed the wrong dvd

NHS: …..🤐

JC: 🖕

NHS: 😏 see u soon

* * * *

One month later:

“Best session yet!” says Wei Wuxian as they pull up to his house in Jiang Cheng's sleek purple Jaguar. “I mean, Dr. Wen wasn’t thrilled about the whole ‘our kids visited Nie Huaisang’s bird sanctuary and now think they’re skvaders’ thing, but all in all—"

“Just get out of the car.” Jiang Cheng gives him a little shove. They’d all been busy this past month, and had only seen Nie Huaisang once, but that had been enough to convince the kids that they’re hybrid bunny-birds. “I’ll wait outside while you go and get Jin Ling—" He stops. A letter is nailed to the front door.

“Is someone starting another Protestant reformation?” Wei Wuxian jokes. He grins at Lan Wangji, who raises his eyebrow slightly. Excellent. So he found the joke as funny as he did, though going by the way he eyes the nail he’s not thrilled about what just happened to the door’s glossy blue paint.

Wei Wuxian rips the letter from the nail and starts to read aloud. “ ‘We, the undersigned, do hereby declare Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji to be persona non grata on Cultivator Court for the following reasons: One: Wild animals leaving unspeakable “presents” on our lawns—’ ”

Wei Wuxian looks up. “That would be Lil’ Apple. Do they sell donkey diapers?”

LWJ unlocks the door. “What else?”

“Where do these people meet, and can I join?” asks Jiang Cheng.

Wei Wuxian slings an arm around his shoulders, the first time in weeks. Jiang Cheng hasn’t seen much of his brother outside of the counseling sessions. “Dr. Wen says that kind of negativity is toxic.”

Jiang Cheng grunts, but lets Wei Wuxian keep his arm on his shoulder. “I’ll show you toxic—”

The babysitter is sitting under the table with Jin Ling and A-Yuan when they enter the house, building a miniature cenotaph made out of blocks.

“The kids okay, Wen Ning?” Wei Wuxian asks him.

Wen Ning peers out from between two chairs. “We were under siege for a couple of hours. Pitchforks and torches, same old thing. But we turned out the lights and stayed away from the windows and made s’mores.”

“So that’s what happened to all the plastic lawn flamingos. Trampled by angry villagers."

Jiang Cheng pinches his temples. “I told you adopting an incontinent donkey was a bad idea. At least keep his paddock locked.”

“We don’t have to tell your sister about this, do we, Wen Ning? …Good. What did the mob look like? Did you catch any names?”

“They were led by a fat man with a goatee and a skinny old guy with beady eyes and a moustache like two long droopy rat tails." Wen Ning crawls out from under the table. “The skinny guy was wearing bright red and blue and purple clothes and the fat guy had a bullhorn. And my cousin Wen Chao was in back yelling something about the rising cost of dry cleaning in this day and age, I think?”

“Yao and Ouyang.” Wei Wuxian makes a face. “Power couple from hell, and I should know. I’ve been there.”

“Are they those nosy neighbors you’re always complaining about?” asks Jiang Cheng.

“They’ve been after us from day one!”

“Well, having that fierce corpse of yours key their car didn’t help.”

“That was an accident.”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.

“You know, Nie Huaisang has been texting me about this house for sale next door to him,” says Wei Wuxian thoughtfully. “Lan Zhan, maybe we should check it out?”

Jiang Cheng picks up Jin Ling and pats him gently on the back. “You’re just going to have the same problem with the angry villagers, just across town.”

“No, it’s a big corner lot. I’ve seen it. Looks like the Addams Family lives there. Comes with its own little graveyard and everything. Huaisang’s family owns it, and they’ve been trying to unload it for months, but everyone thinks it’s haunted just because of that time I brought those fierce corpses with me on a visit and they got loose—but that’s neither here nor there. It’s perfect!”

Lan Wangji nods.

“Whatever.” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “Let’s get going, A-Ling.”

Once he’s strapped Jin Ling into his car seat, he takes out his phone.

JC - NHS

JC : Your plan worked

Nie Huaisang:

???

Jiang Cheng: yeah. Thanks for riling them up behind my brother’s back all month. Class move. Direct and straightforward

NHS:

NHS: not that they needed much inciting. wwx blowing up the garage was the last straw

JC : was still weirdly convoluted for no reason

JC : Not sure why you had to get me involved either

NHS: says the guy who lives 20 blocks away but still volunteered to file the noise complaint because, i quote, “the duets *R* annoying”

JC : well you can’t file a complaint about them stopping mid-conversation with you to gaze soulfully into each others’ eyes for ten minutes

NHS : *snort*

JC : If you miss WWX so much 🙄 why didn’t you just tell him straight out instead of pulling this shtick?

NHS:

NHS : there’s another house available down the street just fyi…

NHS: my big fat greek wedding sat night? u bring the dvd n i’ll get the pizza

Shaking his head, but smiling to himself, Jiang Cheng starts the car.

89 notes · View notes

lamesiscanon · 4 years

Text

Mistletoe

Day 5 of the holiday prompt list posted by @remus-john-lupin I also did not read this again for mistakes so pardon those... anyways,

The plan was christened as Sirius Black’s Five Step Method to Get Remus Lupin to Date Him. Or as James called it, Desperation at its Finest. It came together on a rather ordinary Wednesday evening in the dorm, where Sirius was lazily flicking sparks at James’ feet as the other boy slept. The appeal came from the quiet giggles and words like “Lily, stop that tickles” James would mumble sleepily, delighting Sirius to no end. This was prime blackmail material that Sirius would most definitely use as an advantage in the next coming weeks.

Sirius had to bite his sleeve to keep his laughter from waking him up when James started puckering his lips against his pillow. Though, it turned out to be all for naught when Peter threw the door open with a bang.

“Whazzat?” James sat up on his bed with his wand held out, though he held onto the wrong end. Sirius quickly hid his own under his duvet and turned his attention towards Peter, who was out of breath and full of sweat.

“SIRIUS!” Peter shouted in a way of greeting, dumping his bag on the floor and slamming the door shut once again.

“PETE!” Sirius met his words with equal enthusiasm, though he had no idea what this was about.

“JAMES!” James joined in, always ready to match his friends energy. Peter ignored him.

“Sirius, I just overheard a conversation in the library and Emmeline Vance is planning on asking Remus to the Christmas dance.” Peter let out in one breath as he searched through his trunk, pulling out a piece of parchment and a quill.

“What?” Sirius and James both yelled in a panic, to which Peter explained everything he had overheard in the Library. Emmi’s Hufflepuff roommates had apparently talked her into asking Remus to the dance after Emmi herself complained about not knowing who to go with. Sona Pearce had suggested Remus because he was tall, kind, smart, and most importantly, mysterious as hell. The rest of the Hufflepuff girls had giggled at that, talking excitedly about how quiet and secretive Remus was. It was decided then, and declared by Emmeline that she would ask Remus Lupin to the Christmas dance. Peter had immediately run out of the library all the way to Gryffindor tower.

And so that’s how Sirius Black’s Five Step Method to Get Remus Lupin to Date Him was born. Peter, as the scribe, James as the voice of reason, and Sirius as the anxiety ridden idiot in love. Together, they came up with the perfect plan to squash all of Emmeline Vance’s hopes and dreams. (Though, Sirius didn’t think she’d be too sad in the end, since she apparently didn’t have an actual crush on Remus.)

Sirius Black’s Five Step Method to Get Remus Lupin to Date Him (Desperation at its Finest) ((Shut the fuck up, James))

Step 1: Make sure Remus avoids running into Emmi Vance at all times.

Step 2: Subtly show Remus that I, Sirius Black, am perfect boyfriend material.

Step 3: Ask Remus to the Christmas dance.

Step 4: Get Remus under the charmed mistletoe and kiss him until he forgets his name. (Stick your tongue down his throat) (Gettin’ Jiggy with it) (Peter, for the love of God, please never say that again.)

Step 5: Ask Remus on a date, become boyfriends, fall in love, get married, live happily ever after.

The first steps were surprisingly easy. Sirius managed to execute them without any complications, which was rare for a Marauder’s plan. The map came in handy when the first step was still in motion. All it took was a quick glance at the map after each class to make sure that they wouldn’t run into Emmeline on their way to the next class. A couple of times it was unavoidable, but Sirius would usually engage Remus in a conversation so he wouldn’t notice Emmeline trying to get his attention. And for the one time that Emmeline actually tried to come up to Remus and talk to him, Peter set off a well-timed dung bomb that set everyone running for fresh, clean air. He’d gotten detention for that, but Sirius was grateful enough to finish his potions homework for him for the next week.

Step two was just as easy since Sirius usually complimented Remus on a daily basis and would help him with Transfiguration and Runes (the only classes Remus didn’t have the highest marks). He stepped up the game just a little by giving Remus his favorite sweets from a secret Hogsmeade run and organized his part of the dorm room before and after the full. Remus hadn’t acted like it was out of the ordinary, but he did thank Sirius and even gave him one of those secret smiles the two usually shared, so Sirius counted it as a very successful win.

Sirius was almost sure he failed the whole thing when it came to the third step, though. Actually asking Remus out brought up nerves that he usually only felt right before quidditch games. It ended up being a spur of the moment thing when the two were alone in the dorm, when Remus was getting dressed and Sirius was pretending not to watch. Sirius blurted the question before he could prepare himself for it. He thought the plan was completely fucked when Remus had only stared at him for a moment, confusion and concern evident all over his face. Sirius almost took it back, was about to play it off as a joke when Remus smiled and said “Sure, Pads. That sounds like a lot of fun.”

In the days leading up the the Christmas dance, Sirius learned that the fourth step wasn’t going to be as easy. Regular mistletoe wasn’t proving to be enough, so Sirius had to resort himself to charmed mistletoe, which backfired horribly when Peter had accidentally gotten stuck with him. Much to both of their disappointment, the charmed magic on the stupid plant didn’t settle for any cheek kisses.

The one who the charmed mistletoe was actually meant for had jumped out of the way at the last second, but Peter hadn’t been so lucky. It frustrated Sirius, that Remus seemed to have memorized the layout of all mistletoe decorations around the castle and avoided it well. So far Sirius had been resigned to kissing Both Prewett twins (separate occasions, thank Merlin), Dorcas Meadowes, Sona Pearce, Isaac Ure, and poor Peter all because Remus was apparently afraid of mistletoe.

The actual day of the Christmas dance made Sirius feel excited, nervous, and frustrated in one go, but his hopes were up that tonight would be the night he could get Remus alone and under the damned magical plant.

Remus was getting ready in the boy’s dorm while Sirius was dragged up to Lily’s because apparently it was “more romantic” to wait and see each other until they met up at the common room entrance. At least Sirius got the perk of having Marlene do his eyeliner.

As reluctant as he was to admit it, Lily was actually right about the extra romantic thrill of seeing Remus after walking out of the Fat Lady’s portrait. He cleaned up well, with a set of dark maroon robes that went well with his dirty blonde curls and honey eyes. Merry fucking hippogriffs, Sirius could barely manage from swooning straight to the ground when those eyes met his. And that stupid, beautiful smile that Remus gave him when those honey eyes took in every inch of Sirius. He was completely fucked.

Sirius was fucked when Remus laughed as the teachers took the first dance, he was fucked when Remus ate a sugar quill from the refreshments table, and he was fucked when a hand grabbed his to pull him out on the dance floor for their own dance. The night was one of the best of Sirius’ life, yet he still hadn’t managed to get Remus under the mistletoe. He got distracted by dancing with Remus once the music turned into more upbeat stuff, and then they met up with James, Peter, and their dates and sat around for hours laughing and talking about other couples they could see on the dance floor.

James nudged Sirius at one point, motioning to where Emmeline was dancing with Benjy Fenwick. Apparently Emmi Vance had a type, which was tall and smart bookish boys.

Sirius got so caught up in joking with Remus and Lily that he didn’t hear the announcement for the last song. Lily had been dragged away by her date, leaving Remus and Sirius alone at their table near the refreshments.

“Come on, let’s finish the Christmas dance with a bang.” Remus said, holding out his hand for Sirius to take. Sirius was so excited to dance with Remus that he didn’t even process the fact that this was the end of the night and he still hasn’t kissed Remus.

In the middle of their jumping around and screaming, Remus pulled out his wand and made an unrecognizable motion to Sirius, but before he could ask, Remus put his wand away and continued to dance. The crowd cried for an encore when the song ended, nobody wanted to leave just yet. The band relented, though they announced that this was going to be a slow dance. Sirius shyly took Remus’ offered hand and led them both across the floor in twirls and slow sways.

The night was actually perfect. Even in Sirius didn’t get to kiss Remus, he always had tomorrow, or the next day, or even the next. He just wanted to be in this moment with Remus as they swayed and laughed, completely oblivious to everyone else around them.

“So I found something interesting today.” Remus spoke, jolting Sirius from his thoughts.

“Oh yeah?” Sirius asked, curious as to what Remus found and thought interesting enough to bring up during their dance.

Remus smiled, reaching into the pocket of his maroon dress robes and pulled out a small piece of parchment that was torn at the edges. It sort of looked familiar...

“Sirius Black’s Five Step Method to Get Remus Lupin to Date Him.” Remus read aloud. “I thought it sounded quite interesting, so I picked it up.”

“Moony, no! You weren’t supposed to see that!” Sirius let of Remus’ waist to grab the parchment out of his hands, but Remus was quick at dodging the attempts.

“Oh Merlin...” Sirius groaned, completely embarrassed. He wished that whatever deity was above would just smite him right then and there.

“Well, it has my name on it so I didn’t have any qualms about reading it...” Remus cleared his throat and shook out the parchment to prepare reading the rest.

“Step one, make sure Remus avoids running into Emmi Vance at all times. This one was interesting, since I have no idea what Emmeline has to do with any of this.”

“She was going to ask you to the dance...” Sirius muttered. He was pretty sure this is the reddest his face has ever been, and there was no way to stop this torture.

“Ah, I see. Step two,” Remus continued, “Subtly show that I, Sirius Black, and perfect boyfriend material.”

All Sirius could do was smack his hand to his face and keep wishing that he could somehow disappear from this whole mess.

“Step three, ask Remus to the Christmas dance.” Remus read, sounding more amused as the moment dragged on. “Now, since we’re both here at said dance, I can only assume you deemed the first three steps successful, right?”

Sirius didn’t answer, but Remus apparently wasn’t actually looking for one, he just continued reading.

“Step four, get Remus under the charmed mistletoe and kiss him until he forgets his name.”

They had stopped dancing at this point. Sirius was pretty sure it was because of him being to embarrassed to do anything but cover his face and listen as Remus read his own plan aloud to him. He felt rooted to the spot, no matter how much he wanted to run away and hide until graduation. Maybe the room of requirement would be a good place to live until then...

“I laughed and James’ and Peter’s inputs here. And suddenly, all your mistletoe mishaps made sense. It was hard to watch actually, nearly crushed all my hopes, but when I found this it all started to make sense.” Remus waved the parchment again and Sirius heard it flap.

“Remus, please stop. I’m so sorry, okay? I promise I can just avoid you if you want that, but- wait? Did you say I crushed your hopes?” Sirius finally took his hand off his face, looking at Remus for the first time since he started reading. He expected to find disgust, but instead he saw Remus smiling that same, sweet, secret smile that they shared between the two of them.

“Well, duh.” Remus shrugged, still holding that damned piece of parchment. “I don’t think anyone would like to watch the guy they fancy kiss six other people.”

Sirius could only gape while his brain floundered for words to say.

“You- you fancy me?” It came out as a whisper.

“Of course I do, you daft mutt. Only for the past two years or so. How could I not?” Remus smiled again, and Sirius realized that the way he was looking at him was the same way Sirius would look at Remus when he thought the other boy wasn’t looking. Oh. This revelation brought back all of Sirius’ confidence, it seemed. He put his hand back on Remus’ waist to pull him just a little bit closer and plastered a smirk on his face.

“Well then, what am I going to do about step four? It’s been bloody hard to check that one off, you know.”

Remus laughed, and then pointed at the ceiling above him, revealing a single spot of charmed mistletoe. Well, that explains why Sirius felt so rooted to the ground earlier, then. And it explained Remus’ random wand movement earlier.

Sirius’ thoughts were cut off again, but he was more pleased by the cause this time. The pair of softest lips he’d ever felt were pushed against his own, and he hummed, perfectly content.

Remus was kissing him, Remus was kissing him!

The song ended, and people around them applauded the band for their night of well-played music but Sirius and Remus didn’t even notice. Their own thought were filled with only each other. It was the best night of Sirius’ life.

“Well,” Remus broke away, breathless from their kiss but still smiling, “You’ve already asked me out, and you got your kiss, so what’s next?”

Sirius laughed and pretended to think about it for a moment, head tilting side to side. Remus smacked him on the shoulder to hurry him along.

“I’m pretty sure the next step was to become boyfriends.” Sirius beamed.

“And happily ever after will come later.” Remus agreed, and then his lips were back on Sirius’ while both boys were completely oblivious to the rest of the people around them.

72 notes · View notes

lesyah · 4 years

Text

So jiang cheng and jin ling right. I was thinking about how Im kinda impressed at how jin ling seems to understand that jiang cheng loves him and will protect him despite the way jiang cheng speaks to him. Personally, I’d be like “um please relax I am doing my best.” But jin ling isn’t like that. He listens to jiang cheng and respects him and understands that he is loved.

THEN I was like jiang cheng is only loving his kid (for arguments sake we’re calling jin ling his kid. Jin ling is 100% his kid I’ve said my peace) the way that he was loved by his parents. What’s the difference though? Jiang cheng certainly did not understand his parents or feel loved by them, despite loving them himself. So then it got me thinking—jiang cheng’s personality and treatment of his kid is very similar to his own mother’s brand of love. They both responded in anger and malice and discipline. So how did jin ling end up so different? Sure we can say “well jiang cheng really actually loves jin ling, that’s how.” But ok I can’t stand the jiang parents but even I have to admit that they loved their kids, no matter how messed up it was, no matter if they loved themselves more (which is true), they loved their kids. So again, how is jin ling different? What are the specifics about jiang cheng’s parenting that were so impressionable to jin ling that he ended up like jiang cheng instead of jiggy, an outwardly kinder, gentler man who HE LIVED WITH.

these are the two major things I came up with:

1. Indifference, or lack thereof

2. Comparison + disappointment

To address the first, we gotta talk about jiang cheng’s rat dad. Ok I admit he wasn’t the worst. Doesn’t make him good though! I can’t stand him 😁. Anyway. Papa jiang was so indifferent to jiang cheng (I would even say he was a bit indifferent to jyl too but definitely even more so to jiang cheng). He literally never spared jiang cheng more than like four thoughts. Literally jiang cheng’s thoughts and feelings meant nothing to him. And despite jiang cheng’s “I don’t care 😒” attitude, he is such a poor actor that thankfully not one person on the planet falls for that, including jin ling. He had to learn how to convince himself not to care though, with a dad like his. Indifference is what he knows of fatherhood. The difference is that jiang cheng isn’t indifferent. His lack of indifference spurs him to action, whereas his dad truly was indifferent to him, so he never acted on anything concerning jiang cheng. But with jin ling, Jiang cheng always has jin ling’s back, defends him, protects him, teaches him, considers him, and all that good stuff. Papa jiang was never really outright rude or cruel to jiang cheng but he acted like he didn’t exist except to tell him he wasn’t acting like a sect leader. Jiang cheng never did that to jin ling. In fact, aside from running lotus pier, jiang cheng’s only priority was jin ling and he took it seriously.

Now addressing comparison. We get to talk about mama yu now 🙃. Pretty much goes without saying though. She was about as warm and inviting as a glacier to her children. Anything that came out of her mouth about jiang cheng was how he wasn’t like wei wuxian. Not only did she compare everything jiang cheng did to wwx, she hated wwx. So we have papa jiang who loves wwx and is indifferent to jiang cheng, and we have mama yu who hates wwx so much that she uses jiang cheng as a way to get back at wei wuxian for existing. So not only is he constantly compared to his brother, he is also a consistent disappointment because he’s an apple being compared to an orange. She hates wwx because he’s rumored to be a bastard child of papa jiang’s, and she’s relatively warm (for her standards) to jiang Yanli, her own blood. So where does that put jiang cheng? He’s blood too. Apparently that’s not enough. He’s not a potential product of marital infidelity, which evidently sparks hatred, but he doesn’t fall under that category either. So what did he do to be treated so badly by his own mom? He was a tool to her and because he isn’t a tool, she was disappointed at him for not being able to be used to be like wei wuxian, despite his ardent desire to be what she wanted.

Jiang cheng never did that to jin ling. He never compared him with anyone. His “disappointment” in his behavior was only ever directed at behavior, not his general state of being. He treated jin ling like a true son despite the fact that he wasn’t jiang cheng’s own heir, a feat his mother, whom he takes after, could not accomplish. He is on jin ling’s side, not his own side, or someone else’s side. He so obviously views jin ling and himself as on one side of the line and the rest of the world on the other. And while that’s a whole other thing to unpack, of course jin ling would feel loved. How could he not, when he is his uncle’s entire world?

In summary, the yunmeng trio’s parents suck, jiang cheng gets #1 dad of the universe, and jin ling is loved goodnight everybody.

#long post #mdzs meta #untamed meta #thoughts with me #jin ling #jiang cheng #angry fam #mo dao zhu shi #mypost #jc #jl #pocket pal #wei wuxian #wwx #jiang yanli #cql meta

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crushedbyhyperbole · 4 years

Text

Indomitable

Pairing: Sebastian Stan / Plus Size Reader

Words: 1.5k

A/N: Written for @the-ss-horniest-book-club endless quarantine as long as there are prompts we’ll write them thingy, and a prompt from @prunes-said-bucky. I’ve never written Sebastian before, never really considered it TBH, since he’s not just a character to play with but hey, I gave it a shot. Hope it’s not horrific.

Warnings: Angst, body shaming, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, strong and confident plus size reader, emotional support, kissing and teasing, no smut.

There is a section that contains a list of body shaming comments. This is a block quote with ######### at the start and end, so feel free to skip over those if you are so inclined.

***FINAL REMINDER TO READ THE WARNINGS FOLKS***

Sebastian slumped back in his chair. The computer screen glared at him accusingly as bile rose in his throat. He did this. He failed to protect you. His career, and the whole shebang that went with it; toxic.

There were good parts, hell, there were great parts, but this… this wasn’t one of them. His fans were usually great. Kind, accepting, fun, keen, and dedicated. He loved Winter’s Children and gave as much of himself as he could while maintaining a balance that kept him sane.

You were part of that. Far removed from the lime light, you were a nobody. A regular person. Not tied to the entertainment industry in anyway other than being his girlfriend. The world barely knew you existed and he worked hard to keep it that way.

Until now.

“Hey, sweetie!” You knocked on the study door after letting yourself into his apartment, peeking in to see him at his desk. “You need anything? I’m just about to make some fresh coffee.” You smiled knowingly; he loved his coffee

“Oh, hey, yeah sure.” Sebastian scrambled to shut the screen off so you wouldn’t see what he was reading. “Thanks, babe.” He smiled back.

“Oooohh, was that porn?” You smirked, coming to stand behind him, resting your hands on his shoulders and feeling tension there. “Discovering something new you want to try, huh?” You teased a little to lighten the mood. Something had him stressed out.

He sighed, leaning his head back to rest against your stomach. From there he looked up at you, past your boobs, with worry in his big blue eyes.

“I wish it was porn.”

“Skype audition not go so well?” You massaged his taut trapezius until he moaned lightly, relaxing under your touch. You slid your hands into the neck of his shirt, smoothing them over his chest, feeling the light prickle of stubble where his chest hair was starting to grow back in. “Want to talk about it?”

He wrapped his hands around your wrists, stilling you gently. The nervous lick of his lips concerned you.

“Oh, the audition went great.” He sat up, swivelling his chair to face you where he tugged on your hips to sit you across his lap. “It’s what came after that I need to talk to you about.”

You could see something was really eating him up but you let him get to it in his own time.

“I spoke to Elaine.”

“Social media manager, Elaine?” You knew every member of team of people who Sebastian relied on in his career. Elaine had been with Seb for years, helping him managing his social media presence, and she was very good at what she did.

“Right.” He stroked your lower back absently. “Well, I called her because some pictures got out. Of us.”

You knew he tried to keep you separate from all the media stuff. He needed a safe haven, and he also didn’t want to ruin your life with paparazzi hounding you and gossip sites dissecting your whole existence.

“Of the other week when we went out comet watching and ended up getting jiggy in the back of your car?” You teased.

He laughed, scrunching his face up in that cute way you loved. “No.” He grinned. “Surprisingly, not that.”

“Phew,” you play acted utter relief, “thank heavens my tatas didn’t make it onto TMZ.”

“You’re amazing, you know that right?” He squeezed his arms around your waist.

“Yeah, I know,” you beamed, “caught you, hook, line and sinker, didn’t I?” You murmured into his hair, pressing a kiss there. “What’s up?”

“I don’t really know how to deal with this, y/n. It’s everything I’ve always tried to shield you from.”

You tightened your arms around his shoulders, reassuringly. This really wasn’t like him at all. “Just show me.”

The pictures were fine. Seb and you, sat on a wall by the banks of the Danube, eating charcoal black ice cream in the sun. Holding hands by the stalls of a street market. Him stealing a kiss while you laughed at something he said. They were older photos from a trip you took to Romania the year before. You smiled, remembering the fun you had there. Seb’s boy-like exuberance as he rediscovered his country of birth with you. They were great memories.

It was the bitchy comments that he was concerned about.

##########

Why would someone as hot as him be with someone like her?

Ikr, she fat

Who is she? Nvr seen her b4

Not surprised we’ve never seen her. I’d be embarrassed to bee seen with her too.

Pity fuck

Maybe it’s for a role.

Guurrrllll… Swap that ice cream for a salad.

She’s disgusting! Sebby what are you doing?!!!

Look at that fat body! What a waste of a pretty face…

Pretty? Lol pretty ugly.

What does he see in her?

He looks younger in this. Must’ve already dumped her fat ass.

She’s curvy? Maybe he likes that. Not my cup of tea though.

Curvy like the Michelin man lol

Definitely not the right clothes for your body type sweetie… dress appropriately.

Lost all respect for Seb now UGH!

Look at that cellulite!

Seabass meets a whale lol

##########

You glanced through the comments. Most were positive but some were brutal. You could see why he was upset by these. He cared a great deal about his fans but this was making him consider if it was worth the effort.

Sebastian swallowed nervously, looking up into your eyes.

“You’re worried about how I feel about this?”

“Of course I am.” His tone was pleading. “I love you. I never wanted you to get dragged into any of this crap, but look at them!” He was getting agitated. “I’m going to tell Elaine to take it all down, I’m done.”

“What’s that going to prove, huh?” You soothed.

“Nothing. But it’ll be gone, right? No more fan stuff if they can’t respect both of us.”

“I dunno, it seems a shame to deprive your good and loyal fans of their sexy seabass,” you winked at him, “besides if the things people did online got to me I’d have drawn a line in the sand at some of that filthy dirty fan fiction they like to write.”

“C’mon, y/n, I’m being serious,” he begged with his eyes. “They can’t talk about you like this. It’s shitty and they’re completely wrong.”

“Babe.” You levelled a steady gaze at him. “I don’t care what these people think.” Stroking your fingers soothingly through his hair, you scratched and massaged gently. “The only people whose opinions matter about any of that stuff are right here in this room, okay?”

Seb sighed and hid his face in your plush bosom, and for a while neither of you spoke. He relaxed, breathing slowing until you thought he’d fallen asleep. You trailed your fingers across the back of his neck and to the sensitive place below his ear.

“If you keep at that there’s going to be trouble.” Muffled against your chest you could feel him smirking.

“I like trouble.” You whispered with a cheeky grin as he lifted his head.

“Thanks for distracting me.” He stretched up to place a chaste kiss on your lips. “I think I know what to do.”

“Oh?” You chuckled as he scooted the wheels of the chair closer to the desk with you still in his lap. You tried to give him some space but he held you firm.

“Stay put,” he shifted so you were stable again, “this’ll take 2 seconds.”

Sebastian fired off an email to Elaine, letting her know everything was fine. You weren’t concerned by the comments but he suggested letting a few of his top most trusted fans to help moderate the official site. Let them get invested in the two of you as a facet of his brand. You were definitely here to stay.

He counted himself the luckiest man alive to have found someone so caring, kind and gentle as you, but also someone so confident and steadfast. Your spirit was unbreakable. You were his rock, the foundations on which he grew and thrived.

“So, now that you’re done righting wrongs, what’s the plan for today?” You asked sweetly. “You asked me to sleep over on a work day, so…”

“Well, first of all,” he eyed you mischievously, “I’m going to reiterate how much I love every single inch of you.”

“I like the sound of that,” you simpered.

“Do you?” He teased.

“I do.”

“Good,” Seb nuzzled your neck seductively. “Then we’re going to go out to eat,” he nipped your ear with his teeth. “I made reservations.”

“Sounds… public.” You sighed, distracted.

“Don’t care.”

“Okay…”

“And then,” he pulled back to look you in the eyes. “Then, I want to talk to you about getting a place together.”

“You had this planned? You kissed him between sentences.

“I did.”

“Seems rushed.”

“Four years is plenty long enough,” he murmured.

“Ok,” you smiled against his lips, “but I’m keeping my apartment.”

“Of course.” He slid his hands into your hair ready to deepen the kiss but paused. “Where else is all your craft stuff going to live?”

Laughter rang out as you swatted at him and he tickled your waist. The world could do whatever the hell it wanted. As long as you both had each other, there was nothing else you needed, and nothing you needed to prove.

#HBC Drunk Drabbles #sebastian stan x plus size reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fluff #body shaming #confident plus size reader #angst #no smut #cloudy's writing #indomitable

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inessencedevided · 4 years

Text

The Untamed, episode 42 - watching notes

I was up playing partygames over discord until 3 am yesterday, so I didn't get to watch another episode. I complained about it to my friends, which in turn made them complain that I sounded like I would rather watch my "gay chinese fantasy show" than spent time with them. I contemplated saying yes, but decided to keep my friend instead :D

And we were currently in the middle of a confrontation with Jiggy (as I've been informed he's called ... what? ^^) who apparently murdered his son to keep some secret, which with how this shows is going, I wouldn't be surprised is them going full game of thrones and ... you know what I'm talking about

Oh right, Su She is there

He's the Jin Zixun to my wei Wuxian. As in, I can never remember his name or why I should care 🤷‍♀️

(But thus time I DO remember who he is. That is, after lwj said his name ^^)

I'm so sure that jgy hit all evidence by now, btw

Okay, no. his wife is still there

Su She might be an asshole but his hair piece is gorgeous :D

What does it say about me that my first thought about that dagger was COOL!!! 😱😱😱

How dare you take Wen Qing's name in vain! 🤬

😱

I thought she'd stab him!!! Not herself :'(

I'm a bit surprised that with 5 cultivators in the room, no one does more to save her

Oh, JGY is a damn good actor!! I mean we knew that before, but now his apparent confusion and grieve for his wife seems even more (dare I quote lwj?) shameless

Lan Xichen, i know you love him but ...

Fun fact: In German, we call fake tears "Krokodilstränen". Literal translation: "crocodile tears"

That's what this is 😐

Especially about the nie Mingjue

Poor Nie Huaisang 💔💔💔

"Taking the head. Who in the world would have done such an insane act?" GEE, I WONDER ...

Sorry, I still find jgy fascinating, but this is so uncomfortable to watch, knowing at least part of what really happened 🙈

Lord, give me the power to murder people with one gaze like Lan Wangji 🙏

This whole conversation is so supremely uncomfortable

I'm still unsure if Jin Guangyao really doesn't suspect that "Mo Xuanyu" isn't who he says he is or if it's just a very convincing act 🤨

Favourite trope: Hanguang Jun, Yiling Laozou's knight in shining armour

First of all: Hot

Second of all: Lwj internally: DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING TOUCH HIM I ONLY JUST GOT HIM BACK AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN MADE OUT YET

probably

Also, for a split second there, you saw Jiang Cheng leap forward with a real look of concern on his face, like his first instinct was to help wwx himself 🥺🥺🥺

HE'S USING SUIBIAN AGAIN!!!

This feels so huge! 😱

I'm weirdly emo about a sword rn :')

His cover is blown of course

And him and Jin ling just had a good relationship :(

NHS, JL and JGY: How could it BE that this is Yiling Laozou???

Meanwhile Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng

"With the right kind of sacrifice, it can safe one who was seriously injured." Is this another instance of "we can't say this it's necromancy because censors, but y'all damn well know this is necromancy because no one falls down a cliff and then lies there "seriously injured" for goddam 16 years"?

I'm all teary eyed at lwj not even hesitating to flee with wwx :')

Jin Ling 💔🥺

Fuck you Jin Guangyao for playing at his pain!!!

Omg they're as good as holding hands!!! 😭😭😭

Of course, wax is pushing lwj away, OF COURSE. Self-sacrificing idiot!

That mask reveal was *chef's kiss* the drama! The gasps! The ... long-suffering "here we go again look" from lan Xichen :D

I LOVE IT WHEN LWJ SPEAKS UP!!

"You're wrong."

So simple. Yet saying so much: "I kniw him. I trust him. I chose this."

And OF COURSE Wei Wuxian gives him another way out

BUT THESE TWO FINALLY GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER AND COMMUNICATE THEIR THOUGHTS! FINALLY!

"Did you believe in me back then?" YES, I WAS JUST TOO AFRAID TO SAY IT,SO MY CONCERN CAME OUT AS ANGER 😭😭😭

And the single logged bridge again 😭😭😭 I adore that metaphor! And I love that they chose to show us the flashback. Because last time, wwx and lwj parted, took different roads so to speak, one the one of defiance, the other the one of orthodoxy. Neither wanted to part ways, but neither probably thought that they had much of a choice. But they did have a choice and they made it. And lwj has already expressed his regret over that. So here he is again, using his second chance without a thought.

Because lwj believes that wwx is right, MORALLY, so he will go against his clan, reputation be damned, and stand with the man he loves ... finally. He'll choose what they both believe to be right and walk with him "until it's dark" :')

And THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS SO MUCH!! It's not just that "oh they're so cute and they compliment each other so well, they must be soulmates uwu". Most of all they share a common morality!!!

I'm so goddamn amazed at this ship! This is not I was thought I was getting when I boarded it, but goddamn it I'm loving the ride! 😭😭😭

And .. just, the look in Lan Wangji's eyes ... they have 50 swords drawn on them, but guessing from the look on his face and the softness of his gaze they might as well be at their wedding 😭😭😭

He looks like a man entirely at peace with his decision :')

Just ...

Look

THEM!!!

They're holding hands in that last shot!!!! 😭😭😭

I'm absolutely floored at how utterly beautiful this scene is! "Romantic" seems too insignificant to describe it. It feels more like 42 episodes worth of love and pining and misunderstandings coming to their natural conclusion

My heart is so full right now guys :')

Very nice of these 50 people to wait for their moment to pass before attacking. Very considerate 😁

"Are we going to fight or not." "Too much talking" I WANT 50 EPISODES OF THESE TWO BICKERING!!! 😭😭😭

Jin Ling :'(

Noooo

I don't know who my heart is bleeding for more here

Jin ling doesn't deserve to have to shoulder his parent's and uncle's pain :'((

All this supporting each other when injured? That's the good stuff

And those flashbacks ... wwx finally FINALLY realizes that lwj never hated him for his actions, he was afraid for him :')

Tbf,the guy has a sliiiight communication issue 😐

That quote about how lwj is at his side now that everyone else despices him!! That's it THAT'S THE SHIP!!😭😭😭

Oh, lwj took him back to cloud recess

I'm surprised he was allowed to, tbh

Ooh, so Mo Xuanyu knew something!

And... someone else must now know about him?

Also, I didn't realise that wwx still had a cut from the curse

I gotta take a moment to scream about HOW UTTERLY DOMESTIC AND AT EAS THESE TWO NOW ARE WITH EACH OTHER!!! 😭

XICHEN!!!

I should have known that the OG wangxian shipper would support them

But he still trusts Jin Guangyao. Not that I'm surprised

It's so weird to see anyone on this show in trousers btw 😅

"You're more than I can handle." Lol ^^

"You trust Master Wei, while I trust Jin Guangyao." Oh boy ...

I feel like this might be more of a confrontation than these two brothers had in their entire lives

Love me some detective-wwx

Poor Xichen 😔 he doesn't want to believe it

Somehow, wwx with a white underrobe makes me think "that's what he looks like when he and lwj accidentally swab robes" :D

Uuuh! The restricted section forbidden chamber!

So ... jin Guangyao somehow got this piece of music from the lan library?

But he's good! He's really good! He consistently uses others weaknesses and prays on them so that they act in a more extreme manner, but not so much that others would suspect foulplay. Case in point: nie Mingjue's death by anger and (more recently) the way he played towards Jin ling's feelings.

Aaaand another rather abrupt end in the middle of a conversation. That's one thing this show does not do well 😅

Anyway, I'm not complaining this episode send my shipper heart (BECAUSE I'M SO DWEP DOWN THIS RABBIT HOLE AT THIS POINT) fly with joy!!

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose 🖤💙🖤💙

#the untamed #sophie watches the untamed #wei wuxian #wwx #lan wangji #lwj #wangxian #lan xichen #jin guangyao #jin ling #jiang cheng #nie huaisang #nie mingjue #the untamed liveblog

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janamelie · 5 years

Text

LGBT+ Characters

What This Isn’t

A claim of “proof” of the sexuality and / or gender identity of any of these characters. We don’t need that or anything else to “justify” shipping.

What This Is

A reference post to collate instances in canon which could indicate LGBT+ characters. In the case of regulars, I won’t include every instance as it would simply take too long.

Rimmer

As I was saying… :p

Honestly, Rimmer is so obviously LGBT+ to me that I don’t know where to start. How about his reaction to Ace in “Dimension Jump”?

RIMMER: "Commander Rimmer!" I ask you. "Ace!" Barf city. I bet you anything he wears women's underwear. They're all the same, this type, you know, Hurly-burly, rough-n-tumble macho marines in public, and behind closed doors he'll be parading up and down in taffeta ballgowns, drinking mint juleps, whipping the houseboy.

KRYTEN: Sir, he's you! It's just that your lives diverged at a certain point in time.

RIMMER: Yes, I went into the gents and he went the other way.

KRYTEN: I assume, sir, you are making fatuous references to his sexuality. If I may point out, if --

Or how about Low Rimmer? Surely Rob and Doug could have got their point across a little less graphically?

Or if you prefer something less rapey, this passage from “IWCD”. Unlike the show, Rob and Doug had more time and leeway to explore the characters and this is what they chose to include for Rimmer:

“Rimmer began to regret his outburst. He didn’t like to see his other self upset, and he even contemplated briefly going up to him and giving him a manly embrace. But in a brief moment of homosexual panic, he thought his double might get the wrong idea. Not that he would, of course, because he was him and he knew for a fact he wasn’t that way sexually tilted; so obviously his double wasn’t and obviously his double would know that he wasn’t either, and it was simply a manly embrace meant in a sort of mano a mano kind of way…Perhaps he was tired…Two or three days in bed and he’d be his old self again…Who cared if his copy saw it as a sign of weakness? He’d suggest it anyway.” Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers, Grant/Naylor, pg 233.

And this from the end of the “Better Than Life” novel, when Holly - whose IQ has been restored - comes up with a way to bring Lister back from the dead (no, not as a hologram):

“Rimmer stood in the hatchway and his face yielded to a grin, which in turn gave way to laughter. Not his normal hollow braying empty laughter, this was an altogether different noise. This was a noise his vocal cords had never been called on to make before.

It was the laughter of joy.”

Better Than Life, Grant/Naylor, pg 218.

I know some fans read Rimmer as asexual and you can certainly make an argument for that, most obviously in “Marooned” where he describes his younger self as not “particularly highly sexed”. Of course, that wouldn’t preclude him also being homoromantic or biromantic.

Lister

No-one’s denying Lister’s obvious attraction to and affection for women, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t be bisexual or pansexual. In fact, his “I’m not gay!” protestations in “Duct Soup” is a fairly common way for people attracted to more than one gender to describe themselves if they don’t feel comfortable using labels. Given that he was talking to Chloe!Kochanski to whom he’s attracted, it makes sense that he’d prevaricate like this.

And then of course, in the very next episode “Blue”, he dreams about kissing Rimmer. It’s not only the fact of this, it’s the subsequent scene drawing a direct comparison between him missing Rimmer and Kochanski missing her Dave - her boyfriend. And despite the ending of this episode, when Lister actually meets Rimmer again, he’s delighted. Until he realises it’s not HIS Rimmer and even so, he gets used to nano-Rimmer and they eventually become quite chummy.

Not forgetting the chemistry between him and Ace, of course.

Kryten

I know he's a mechanoid, but no-one has any problem reading his relationship with Mechanoid - and later Blob - Camille as romantic and Camille literally says herself that both she and her husband Hector are actually androgynous, which makes Kryten - at the very least - panromantic.

And that’s before we get to his very obvious love for Lister which he states himself in “Back In The Red”.

Holly

Holly was actually conceived as a female character and became male due to Norman Lovett’s original casting. Sources: “Stasis Leaked” by Smegazine writer Jane Killick and “The Unofficial Red Dwarf Programme Guide” by Smegazine writers Chris Howarth and Steve Lyons.

With Hattie’s replacement casting and later Norman’s return, Rob and Doug may not have intended to create a trans or genderfluid character, but that’s what they ended up doing.

Holly is also bisexual - male Holly was attracted to Hilly and female Holly to Ace.

George McIntyre

It was actually Rob and Doug’s audio commentary on the pilot version of “The End” on “The Bodysnatcher Collection” which alerted me to this possibility. I know it’s a stretch but I’m including it precisely because I’m indifferent to George as a character and it makes no difference to me whether someone believes this one or not.

During George’s speech at his “Welcome back” party, he says “I don’t want you to think of me as someone who’s dead, more as someone who’s no longer a threat to your marriages - I think Joe knows what I’m talking about!”

We see a man and a woman laughing and the woman playfully pokes the man in the arm. He stops laughing and looks a bit sheepish.

Rob and Doug comment confusedly to the effect of “Shouldn’t it be the other way round? This is one of the things we had no control over at this stage.”

Come on, Rob and Doug. Not only does this scene appear intact in the final televised version of “The End”, you also included extra background on George in “Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers”, showing the events leading up to his death. Unlike the hologram he replaces, Frank Saunders, there is no mention of George having a wife or indeed any partner, so as far I’m concerned, we shippers can read whatever we choose into this scene. We would regardless, but the way canon leaves it is particularly open-ended.

Deb Lister and Arlene Rimmer (“Parallel Universe”)

See previous entries. If their male counterparts are LGBT+ then so are they, plus I always got that vibe from the performances anyway.

Camille

Yes, everyone uses female pronouns for her as that’s how she presents to the crew, but she says herself: “We’re androgynous, but I suppose you could call [Hector] my husband.”

Noel Coward Waxdroid (“Meltdown”)

Mr Coward was gay in real life and his fictional incarnation here greets Rimmer with “Delighted to meet you, dear boy!” I rest my case.

Nirvanah Crane

And arguably the entire crew of the Holoship according to her speech: “It's a ship regulation that we all have sexual congress at least twice a day. It's a health rule … Here it is considered the height of bad manners to refuse an offer of sexual coupling … We are holograms. There is no risk of disease or pregnancy. That is why in our society we only believe in sex -- constant, guilt-free sex.”

Does that sound as though they’re fussy about the genders of their partners? It certainly doesn’t to me. So:

Captain Hercule Platini

Commander Randy Navarro

Commander Natalina Pushkin

Commander Binks

Sam Murray

From the Series V DVD booklet:

“Briefly revived in “Holoship”, it came as a surprise that Sam was male. In the original pilot script - and Series 1′s deleted funeral scene - deceased crew member “Sam Murray” is said to be dating “Rick Thesen”. Possibly Red Dwarf’s first gay couple?”

Cop (“Back To Reality”)

I’m sure it wasn’t written as such and maybe he didn’t intend to, but the way Lenny Von Dohlen plays his character’s reaction to the Voter Colonel just pings my gaydar.

Frank Todhunter (“The End”)

I know the conversation in “Duct Soup” (which also includes a reference to a gay crew member nicknamed “Bent Bob” *cringe*) where Kochanski tells Lister that the Todhunter in her dimension was gay is played off as something she made up to take Lister’s mind off his claustrophobia, but she never actually says as much. There’s nothing to say that at least part of what she was saying wasn’t true.

Ackerman (Series VIII)

In the Series VIII DVD documentary, actor Graham McTavish says he was playing Ackerman as someone who enjoys sex with women “or at a pinch, men dressed as women”. So onto this list he goes.

Big Meat (“Only The Good”)

I don’t blame you if you’ve blocked this one out as I find the scene almost unwatchable, but he’s the big prisoner who takes to the idea of being Cat’s “bitch” unexpectedly quickly.

Katerina Bartikovsky (“Back To Earth”)

Credit to @clueingforbeggs for noticing that in “Pete Part 1” Ackerman claims to have been “having jiggy-jiggy with the Science Officer’s wife” and connecting that with Katerina being a Science Officer. There’s nothing to say that the Joy Squid didn’t conjure up the image of an actual crew member.

But maybe the ship has more than one Science Officer? Well, the way it’s said makes it sound as though there is only one but in “Holoship” Kryten gives Rimmer a mind patch from two officers, one of whom is Science Officer Buchan. There is no mention of Buchan’s gender so who’s to say they aren’t also female?

Begg Chief (“Entangled”)

“We prefer the ship of green. And the sexy light man with the lady legs so long and luscious!”

Chancellor Wednesday (“The Beginning”)

Actor Alex Hardy says in Series X DVD doc “We’re Smegged” that he was playing the relationship between his character and Dominator Zlurth with a homoerotic undercurrent and you can see it subtly in his performance.

Dolphy (“Cured”)

All I’ll say about this one is that if Messalina had behaved towards Lister as Dolphy does in this episode, nobody would have doubted that she was into him.

Ziggy (“Timewave”)

Proof that LGBT+ characters in this show work a lot better when Doug isn’t intentionally writing them as such. Sorry.

Feel free to add any examples I may have missed.

@lord-valery-mimes @aziraphale-lesbian @notalwaysweak @feline-ranger @downonthepharm-red-dwarf @hologrammette @rosecathy @cazflibs

#red dwarf #red dwarf slash

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mariolucario493 · 5 years

Text

STUFF I WANT IN A BANJO-KAZOOIE REMAKE (IF THERE IS ONE)

So as you are probably aware, Banjo and Kazooie have finally made it into Super Smash Bros. This is a huge accomplishment, as they have been absent from Nintendo for years. But this begs the question - will we be getting a proper new Banjo title in the near future? I certainly hope so, but before that, it would be nice to see the original games re-released on current consoles.

Now the question is how they would do this. Would they just re-release the original games with slightly updated graphics like they did on XBLA? That seems like the safer option. But maybe they’ll go the interesting route and remake the whole games from scratch. Given that we live in a time where everyone seems to be capitalizing on 90′s nostalgia, the latter seems like a possibility. But I’m not here to complain about Disney’s live-action remakes. Besides, with video games, remakes seem to be quite faithful to the originals. We’ve gotten DS/3DS remakes of Mario 64, Star Fox 64, Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, and maybe some others I can’t think of. Pokemon has remade generations before as well. And of course, the remake of Link’s Awakening looks promising. Even Rare has gotten in on it before - remember Conker: Live and Reloaded? True, a lot of the original developers left Rare to form Playtonic, but maybe the two companies could joint develop it - as long as Microsoft gives everyone complete creative control, of course.

So let’s say they do go this route and completely remake the original two games. It shouldn’t just be the same game but in HD. There are some things I’d like them to improve upon from the N64.

First of all, they definitely should keep the changes they did with XBLA - that is, making notes permanently collectible. No one wants to get PTSD from Rusty Bucket Bay. Admittedly, this might make finding the last few notes more difficult, but it’s probably still better than dying with 99 notes. Or what if the notes do not reset if you die, but they do reset if you leave the level? That way, if you’re having trouble finding the last note, you can just reset. Maybe there could also be a special reward for finding all 900. Yes, there is that last door that requires 882 notes and doubles your health, but maybe something else. There’s already a reward for getting all 100 Jiggies in Mumbo teaching you about some of the Stop n’ Swop items.

And speaking of Stop n’ Swop, let’s talk about that. The limited technology of the time meant they weren’t able to implement the idea of transferring items from one game to another during the N64 era. Now they did manage to do that for the XBLA re-releases, but there were still a few flaws that I saw. In the N64 version of Banjo-Tooie, you had to essentially find the Stop n’ Swop items again. In the XBLA version, if you got them in BK, you would have them in BT from the start of the game. But the problem is that the secret areas were still there, just empty. If you had no idea what was supposed to be there, you’d be confused as to why these secret caves exist. So I think they should combine the two ideas. By that I mean, have the secret areas in BT empty normally, but have the secret items show up there once you get them in BK. Maybe include a sign in the secret areas that gives a hint like “Return to the Sandcastle and enter the following code.” If both games were bundled together, it would make the transfer of data even easier. Though the issue there was that the N64 version of BT only had the Ice Key and three of the six eggs. The developers would have to come up with places to hide the last three eggs in BT. But I think they could do that.

It would also be cool if there was a multiplayer mode. Banjo-Tooie had multiplayer minigames, but maybe they could add some to Banjo-Kazooie as well. Specifically, I’d like to see a multiplayer version of Grunty’s Furnace Fun. It would either be a race to the end or just competing for points.

One thing Yooka-Laylee was missing was world maps. Pretty much every 3D game nowadays has a way to bring up an overhead map of the area. But a combination of no maps and everything looking the same made Yooka-Laylee’s worlds difficult to navigate. So yes, there needs to be a map of each world. And that map should highlight certain areas such as the start area, Mumbo’s hut, all the Bottles/Jamjars locations (once you find them, of course), warp pads, etc. And there could also be an option to place beacons. You know, where you put a dot on the map and a light appears in the sky to guide you there. Admittedly, this would be difficult to implement in more cavernous levels like Clanker’s Cavern or Glitter Gulch Mine, so the beacon idea might not be possible. Also, for some maze-like sub areas like Targitzan’s Temple, maybe the map should not be accessible until you complete everything in the area. That way, you can still feel like you’re exploring.

One thing Yooka-Laylee actually did right (once it was patched, of course) was fixing the auto-scrolling text. Pretty much every game has the text pause until you press a button to advance it, but not BK or BT for some reason. You could still hold down the button to make the text scroll faster, but tap it to advance to the next sentence.

And now let’s talk about the toughest thing that I’d like to see changed for this hypothetical remake - that being the comedy. As timeless as these games are, I will admit that there are a few moments that clearly stand out as being a product of the 90′s. Certain jokes might not be acceptable today. Now I love all the fourth wall jokes and subtle adult innuendos, and they should definitely keep those. What I am concerned about is a couple of the characters that are obvious stereotypes. Take for example, Rubee, the snake charmer in Gobi’s Valley. Despite only being part of one Jiggy mission, this character seems to suffer from the same Indian stereotypes that Apu from The Simpsons suffered from. With his overly large turban and strange way of speaking, he seems like he could use an update. Now how would they do that? My idea? Make him an animal. Perhaps an elephant, like Taj from Diddy Kong Racing. This could also fit his role as a snake charmer, as he could play his trunk like a flute.

There’s also Jolly Roger and Merry Maggie, who seem to be cheap shot at gay stereotypes. Jolly speaks in a very camp voice and makes those hand gestures. Maggie is implied to be a transvestite; and if I remember correctly, Kazooie reacts with disgust when she sees her. Again, we might have to change them up a little. I’m not sure how we would do that, but definitely start by making them more than just one-dimensional stereotypes.

But perhaps the most awkwardly stereotypical character in the Banjo games is Humba Wumba. Native American stereotypes seem to be one of the most controversial out there. The problem with Humba is that she is a much more important character than Jolly or Rubee. She appears in every level of the second game, and her transformations are essential for getting many of the Jiggies. Mumbo also seems to be based on the stereotypical tribal African witch doctor, but again, he is at least non-human enough for that to be acceptable. Humba, on the other hand, is definitely human. And she wears that stereotypical buckskin outfit and feather headdress, and she speaks in broken English Tonto-style, and her theme music includes that war cry that isn’t even a real thing. Now I personally am as white as white can be (at least I think I am, but I’m not about to sent a DNA sample to one of those ancestry sites so they can sell it to the government), so I’m not exactly the best person to talk to about how to write a Native American character. On top of that, Humba seems to just be there for sex appeal. Yes, I’ll admit, I had a few fantasies about her giant polygonal tits growing up. She’s definitely at least more attractive then the fairies in Ocarina of Time. Now for all its faults, Nuts and Bolts did redesign Humba to be a little less of a stereotype. In that game, she wears a more contemporary outfit and has a more realistic figure. It’s not perfect, but it’s a good start. Theoretically, Humba could work if they were more tongue-in-cheek about how insensitive she is. Like have Kazooie make a snarky remark about how the 90′s were a simpler time. If there ever is a completely new Banjo game, they could cut her out altogether; but in the event of a re-release, she is an integral part of Banjo-Tooie.

It was also kind of surprising back in 1998-2000 to see an E-rated game this violent. And I’m not talking about the goofy slapstick either. Both Clanker in Clanker’s Cavern and Lord Woo Fak Fak in Jolly Roger’s Lagoon visibly bleed. How many times do you see blood in an E-rated game? Yeah, they might have to change that. For Clanker, since he’s mostly mechanical, you could replace the bloody parts of his body with rust. And as for Fak Fak, you could just change the color of the blood like you did with Ganondorf. Which would actually be realistic, since red light doesn’t travel that far in water, so red things such as blood often appear greenish-yellow when you’re hundreds of feet below the water’s surface. Of course, Kazooie should still stay red no matter what.

There’s a few other things that might be seen as insensitive, like the child abuse that Boggy’s kids face, or the lady with the watermelons at the end of BK. But as much as some of those jokes seem mean-spirited, I actually think it would be better to keep most of them. I don’t see a game as goofy as Banjo-Kazooie beginning with a serious disclaimer about stereotypes like they put at the start of all those Looney Tunes compilation DVD’s, but the developers should definitely tread lightly if they want to keep the spirit of the original games without offending anyone. We may end up with an E10 or even a T rating, but it would be worth it. But this is Tumblr, after all, and being offended is like a national pastime here.

Just a few months ago, a new Banjo game seemed like a pipe dream. But with what we saw at E3, we might just get it. Either way, the kids of today deserve a chance to experience what we grew up with. But what else would you like to see in a Banjo-Kazooie/Tooie remake or a new game altogether?

#banjo kazooie #banjo tooie #e3 2019 #rare #nintendo #microsoft

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mysticwhatnow · 6 years

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Can you make RFA + v + saeran cheats on MC than she knows but they don't know she knows. She take everything she owns and wipe her existence from their home ( takes everything she put and the photos she's in ) than leaves her phone so they won't track her and leave them without a word just a proof of what they did. How would they react to it / how it'll end. I'll leave it to you ^^ thank you :3 bounce is MC was pregnant and didn't tell them.

Oh, jeez, this was slightly difficult! But I hope this is to your liking!

Yoosung

he didn’t know how it happened, honestly??

one day he was at college and the next he was in a bed with another woman?

he felt so bad, he wanted to tell MC but he knew she would probably leave

he couldn’t lose her

so he kept it a secret, and continued the affair with the woman

only because she was helping him study,, uh-huh, sure yoosung

but of course, MC does find out

and b o y is she angry

she’s so upset and she’s so angry with herself for not finding out sooner and upset at yoosung

especially with the baby she just found out she was having with him

and she was so excited about that too!!

but now she doesn’t know what to do

she ends up wiping everything clean, going incognito completely

she leaves her phone and takes the photos and everything

she doesn’t want any trace

when he comes home he loses it, he knows what happened and what he just lost

months pass and they’re still hoping she might one day show up again

yoosung ends up seeing her at a market and drops everything

he rushes to her and stops dead in front of her when he sees the stomach bulge

had she moved on??

she tries to ignore him and move on but it’s so painful and she’s trying not to cry

he keeps explaining what he did was a mistake and it was reckless and he’s sorry and he won’t do it again

it’s just a lot of frantic apologizing and rambling that she had grown to love

so she gives in, but it’ll take a long time for her to forgive him completely

surprised, he asks her about the baby thinking she was with another guy and stuff

she doesn’t say anything for a moment and speaks softly

“it’s your child” and he’s d e a d- his child?!?! seemed like the guilt doubled at that

she had to deal with a child on the way and the fact the father cheated on her

he hugs her close and apologizes more saying he’ll never do that again

in the end, the two end up happy again, plus a tiny little bab!

Zen

it was with one of his co-actors

mc was coming to give him his lunch and walks in his room/thingy ma jiggy

finds him making out with a actor against the wall

she drops the lunch and doesn’t give it second thought, running off

zen sees her, going to chase after her but the directors and others are getting in the way

when he reaches home, he’s to late, everything it gone

the pictures, the phone is left, and her clothes are gone

how did she move so fast??

he ends up alerting the rfa fast, begging for seven and jumin’s help

he needs to find her, he needs to apologize

they search for her and search, but they don’t seem to have any clue where she might be

he’s completely heartbroken, but never gives up

until one day, he gets a call

“are you related to MC?”

his heart drops because he knows how this works

he explains how he’s her ex, and leaves it at that

“sir, i’m afraid she’s passed away from a car accident.”

just when he thought it couldn’t get worse

losing her? forever?

the doctor also explains how she was pregnant and they delivered the baby before she died

and explained how he was the father

he doesn’t hesitate, he figures it all out, signs papers, whatever. that baby is his and he won’t hurt it

he ends up raising the child and always tells he/she how great mc was

but he still cries as night, because he knows he won’t ever see her.

mamamystic is not a nice person

Jaehee

i can already hear the cries

“jAEHEE WOULD NEVER!!! SHE’S SO INNOCENT!!! PROTECC!!”

please she’d probably be staying at work late right and just is so fucking tired

so this one girl slithers right on up like “hey you need a place to crash?”

and i don’t know about you

but i make the worst mistakes when i’m sleep deprived

so she could’ve easily mistaken this chick for mc

so she goes, right

easily submissive, tired, got some of that good puss ya feel

of course, mc being the generous person they are, goes to Jaehee’s work

also to deliver the news that hey, the sperm donor thingy was successful. she was preggo.

but she gets there, and to her surprise, no jaehee

so she asks around, blah blah, and one person explains how jaehee went home with another chick

now, mc isn’t one to assume, so she calmly leaves and just goes home

doesn’t even call

she trusts jaehee, maybe she was doing work at the chick’s house

so morning comes, ye?

and jaehee comes home, super early, super super fucking guilty

but oh me oh my mc was there

she was w a t c h i n g

mc ends up speaking from the couch, all calmly and startling the shit out of jaehee

“so where were you babe?”

jaehee ends up telling her, furiously apologizing

mc doesn’t really know to react because she?? trusted jaehee??

but she does know what she’s gonna do

she just,, fucking leaves

not even saying anything

just out the door

jaehee knows better to stop her so she just

collapses on the couch

doesn’t show up on the chat

neither does mc so both are extremely worried

jaehee leaves for work (jumin forced her), and when she gets back, all of mc’s shit is gone

she doesn’t know how to react, but she buries it well

she hides all the emotions, she just says “mc left” if anyone ever asks

it got to the point the whole rfa was worried sick

they couldn’t find mc at all

so they eventually just.. gave up

she became nothing but a distant memory

(hahaha get it i made this ending sad)

Jumin

breathes in. breathes out.

okay so jumin,,, tsk tsk. he would never ever hurt mc, but a few slip ups happen here and there

im sure something happened at his work, or the dude just fucked up

he probably ended up banging some girl while drunk in a cat suit for god sakes

anyways, he probably would tell mc right away, because he loves her and can’t lose her blah blah

anyways, i’m sure when she found out she was devastated because knowing jumin

she was informed of this over phone while he’s on a trip

the call goes well, she pretends it’s okay but inside she’s breaking

and what’s worse is she was just about to tell him the results came back positive

thats right. mc is pregnant fuckers.

and she’s just, broken and she doesn’t know what to do except to run

so she does, she packs her shit, everything into the multiple suitcases

it’s not hard to bypass everyone, if she explains she’s off on a trip to the spa or something

she manages to explain how she’d rather walk to said ‘spa’ to relax

but really she’s just, leaving

nowhere else to go

she ends up disappearing though, and whenever jumin calls and doesn’t get a answer, he panics and calls the guards

but there’s literally no sign of her, all her pictures are gone

jumin freaks out more because 1. he knows what he did and it’s his fault and 2. he’s worried mc will get hurt

he ends up bringing out the big guns, goes crazy to search for her

he comes home straight after, alerts rfa and everything.

everyone’s on a wild goose chase to find her

eventually they find her, thanks to seven finding her friends’ places and doing a big ‘ol search, even if she left her phone

which she obviously did, she’s not stupid

by this time a couple of months has passed, because ya know, i said so

when they find her (she had been staying at a distant cousins house a few states away)

they knocked on the door and it wasn’t the guards or anything, no it was jumin

he looked like a mess, for once in his life

he was acting just like when he lost elizabeth

he begs and begs and apologizes (professionally, ofc)

just kidding

he notices the baby bulge too and it doesn’t take an idiot to do the math and realize

it breaks him even more because she kept it and he didn’t even know

it takes a lot of persuading and a lot of lost trust needed to be rebuilt, but she eventually does come back

she loves him even if he fucked up

many months later, things are back to normal- somewhat

they now have a little tiny munchikin :oo

Saeyoung

big big oof

see now saeyoung,,, saeyoung just fucked up really

he knows it too when he wakes up the next morning and he’s not in the same bed and you aren’t around

and the girl next to him is totally unregistered in his mind and he knows nothing

but unlike the others, saeyoung would probably say something and knowing him, make a small (or large, depending on how he views the situation) deal out of it

either way, mc would be pissed

because last week she found out she was pregnant with his child

so tears running down her face, she actually begins to pack right in front of his eyes

now he’s breaking down, begging her to stop and beginning to cry

he even goes to grab her hand but she yanks it and slaps him right across the face

“don’t fucking touch me, who knows where those hands have been.” she most likely snarled under her breath because WOO she’s upset.

they don’t have a lot of pictures to begin with, so she doesn’t worry about those. she doesn’t even bother with his phone

as she’s leaving she turns, goes to grab his hand

he thinks she might change her mind or something to keep her from leaving

but it’s actually just her phone and a sad and broken smile

me rn: nsgrejghkjfjhdfkhdk

and then she just.. leaves. and he can’t track her, he can’t do anything

saeyoung goes… completely opposite

he grows distant with the rfa, and he gets harsh and more cold

jaehee is a CONCERN MOM

thankfully, she has her ways, and her and mc were always close

so she finds where mc is staying (with her parents) and calls

basically she explains and like, begs mc to at least come over

mc can’t really say no. she loves saeyoung and she adores jaehee

so she does, arrives to his place and everything

before she can enter the arabic thing, it opens and seven’s there with tears and almost trips when he bends over and apologizes

like. a lot.

mc got to like 100 before she told him to stop

they talk, obviously, about them and about her baby

yes, saeyoung it’s yours

he’s mixed with sadness and so much joy

months down the road, you guys are better and with a little baby

mc doesn’t regret coming back to saeyoung thank god

Jihyun Kim

oh boy.

now, see here

jihyun probably just did a small fuckity uppity.

basically, he went to a photo contest and won, so a lot of girls were on him

and drinks were there

and it went from 1 drink, to 2, to 5.

it didn’t go well, especially when mc had traveled all her way to surprise jihyun with her pregnancy test

so when she arrives at his hotel and finds it unlocked with clothes scattered everywhere, her heart drops

then switches to angry like nu-uh hunny no one cheats on me

she walks into the bedroom and tosses clothing at v, giving him a startling wakeup

she’s yelling and ranting and then finally tosses her phone and pregnancy test

“hope you’re happy” is the last thing she says before slamming the door and leaving

v is.. DISTRESS.

he chases after her, lotsa stumbling and half nakedness too.

but she’s already out of the building

she thankfully gets a ride and manages to find a hotel to stay at

she doesn’t talk to anyone, so v has to suffice for the explanation

it doesn’t go so well either with the group

just like the previous ones, they’re upset and angry

mc definitely never deserved that

and v knows that

so he takes it into his own hand. he doesn’t return, but literaly S E A R C H E S for mc

day and night

it’s becoming draining, and he’s using her phone and only the memories of her to help him

and eventually he finds her

and he’s just, so awful and distressed mc has to double take

“what are you doing v?” and he just, breaks down apologizing

he’s crying, it’s some nasty crying too

he’s begging for her forgiveness, down on his knees and grabbing his hands

mc doesn’t really know what to do,,, honestly

she’s so conflicted? but she knows he loves her and she loves him

so with hesitant moving, she bends down and just,,, hugs him

and if you’ve ever seen someone breaking down worse but because they’re so happy

yeah that’s v lole

they end up staying at the hotel a bit longer to detress and later on, have their baby!!! its very cute and i love v thanks

Saeran

why.

okay so,, i imagine he met them from mint eye? just a friend that also got out of mint eye too?

(oops spoilers)

so anyways they start messaging after saeran and mc start dating and saeran is a bit clueless

until she shows up at their literal house and comes and is like

“mmm yes saeran” and he’s like “nOoOoo!”

but for plot yea it happened

can you tell im tired

anyways so he wakes up and he realizes and he’s just,,,so guilty

but like saeyoung he’d tell mc

but he’d make it very blunt, yet very emotional so mc is a very big ????????????????

she’s so hurt and so angry, especially after coming back from the doctors

but she can’t just,, leave the two siblings alone

so she ops for the couch, even though saeyoung is confused

when he finds out though he’s so concerned, especially because later during the night he sees saeran occasionally pop his head out to stare at mc who was asleep on the couch

“dude, you fucked up” “it wasn’t my fault?” “????????????”

so saeyoung and him talk about it

yes, saeran was guilty for going through it, but saeran hasn’t exactly been used to all this

mc had to understand this, and saeyoung was sure she did

but despite his efforts, saeran and mc can just... not talk

mc’s to upset and bothered about something, and saeran doesn’t just understand

so when saeyoung finally forces them (with a bit of exasperated yelling)

mc blurts out “im pregnant”

silence.

saeran just... stares? “is it mine?”

“of course it is you dimwit.”

that breaks a bit of tension because she laughd and saeran cracks a much needed smile

so they do talk

saeran explains his point and mc explains her point

they eventually understand, and comfort each other

mc goes over to hug and saeran’s just... smiling and saeyoung feels proud

and proud of himself but yknow

later on they have a cute little brown haired baby with orange eyes and theyre so cute!!!!

HEY GUYS!!! IM BACK!! I took a severe long hiatus because I lost interest in Mystic Messenger, but recently got the game again and here I am!! I hope you all haven’t missed me to much.

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inessencedevided · 4 years

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Oh yeah, titles are totes valid. I like yiling patriarch cos when you think about it it doesn't make sense. He didn't create the town of yiling, and he technically doesn't even live there. He sould be called burial mounds patriarch or smth.

Anyway, enough about titles (also if I have made a mistake due to translation error or misunderstanding, whoops). Which OG sect leader do you think was the worst, and which one was the best? And which next gen sect leader is best and worst?

I dislike jgs most, cos yikes. Wrh might have been a tirant and war criminal, but at least he wasn't as big of a dick as jgs. Can't really decide who the best is, cos they all had issues, you know?

Worst next gen would have to be jgy, not cos I dislike him as a person but because he definitely commited war crime and genocide. Idk best here either cos once again, *slaps top of cgl* these cultivators can fit so much trauma and issues. I do like imagining how the now sect is run. One twink mastermind and his hunk retinue? Love that for them

-the axe cultivator

Argh, 🪓-cultivator (there's an emoji! :D). I'm so sorry! I'm terribly behind again in answering you. I promise, I like your asks but I want to give them proper attention and the holidays were surprisingly busy this year.

That question is very creative! And hard ^^ I had to think about all my answers, even the seemingly easy "worst sect leader of the OG". Because while jin Guangshan is definitely a pompous ass and overall shitty person who is more concerned with sleeping with every woman in Lanling than his duties and who didn't step up during the sunshot campaign and then decided to use the power vacuum afterwards to his advantage, he at least, you know, did some sect leading. Which is not something that can be said about one Qingheng-Jun. That guy just left his brother and eventually and increasingly his teenage son in charge. Now what is worse? Bad sect leading or no sect leading at all? I don't know if I can decide ^^

Ah yeah and Wen Ruohan ... 🤷‍♀️ obviously he wasn't great, but he's also the least three-dimensional "villain" so I never really bother with him ^^

The best og sect leader? Does lan qiren as an acting sect leader count? ^^ obviously he too has issues, as you said. I believe lan qiren, as a leader, as an uncle and as an educator was deeply influenced by the things that happened with his brother. I can only imagine how deeply it must have hurt him to see his brother abandon both his people, him, his brother and his own children for the sake of one woman. Whatever your opinion on qingheng-jun, I believe we can all agree that his actions must have deeply hurt and disappointed lan qiren. We don't know what he was like before those events, so we don't know just how mich of his extreme rigidity is due to those events, but I do believe that they hardened him and made him more inflexible. Maybe he was much more of a free spirit before. Maybe he was a lot like Lan Wangji, but instead of loosening and expanding his understanding of the relationship between morality and rules, the events that shaped him let him to harden them. We don't know. But we do know that he picked up the pieces his brother left him. My point is, you can think about his style of leadership and teaching what you want but you cannot deny that he is devoted to the people in his care and that's not something you can say about a lot of the leaders of his generation.

Now, to the next gen leaders:

This is, in a way, even harder to decide ...

I wouldn't call jiggy the worst sect leader so easily. His record, imo, is very much mixed. The watchtowers, if I recall the novel correctly (it's been 6 months since I last read it ^^), were a pretty good way to get help to people who usually fall under the radar of the cultivation sects. So while he definitely sacrificed a lot in his rise to the top, he seems to have tried to help the common people (something that cannot be said about his two predecessors).

But ... who then? I thought a lot about it and I think I'm inclined to say Nie Huaisang. Don't get me wrong, I love him as much as anyone, but I also remember the part in the novel where, when wangxian investigate the "man eating bunker" (i wonder how accurate that translation is) a town's person sais that they don't expect help from the nie sect because ever since Nie Huaisang took over nothing gets done and they neglect to help the people within their territory. Now, we know that Nie huaisang cultivated a reputation of general incompetence so people wouldn't suspect him to scheme against jin guangyao, but in doing so, he obviously neglected his duty to the people under his care. Which is, imo, pretty consistent with his character. Nie Huaisang us ruthless when sufficiently angered and has no qualms to cause casual damage to achieve his goal (see Mo Xuanyu's suicide to bring wei wuxian back). His revenge was his first priority and so he placed being a good brother over being a good sect leader.

Best? Is also dificult. I honestly can't decide between Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng? There are so many factors to consider here! (There were already woth the ones above, really): what actions count towards the assessment of their leadership? What makes good leadership at all? (Which is funny because I'm doing my masters in political science rn and that's one of the biggest questions in political theory. But I only really know "Western" political theory. Chinese philosophy i have only ever graced the surface of) which is to say ... I can't really decide.

Jiang cheng put his sect above all else. While there's a lot of debate about whether that was morally right, it's certainly what helped him rebuild his sect as quickly as he did. He is brash and sometimes cruel, but his deciples clearly trust him and admire him.

Lan Xichen is an incredible diplomat. He is calm, fair (i.e. when he decides to listen to wangxians accusations against the sworn brother he loved and investigated them himself) and proactive when he needs to be. (I know, he is often accused of being too passive within the fandom, but I don't think that is necessarily the case. In a world where most leaders seem to base their judgement on rumor and hearsay more often than not, he withholds judgement until he listened to all sides. That is not a flaw in leadership) Now, in the end, he seemingly follows his father's footsteps by going into seclusion. I would argue, that still doesn't place them on the same step leadership wise. A. The situation with Jin Guangyao and madam lan, imo, aren't equivalent. It's hard to judge madam lan because we don't know what let her to kill the lan teacher, but I think it's unlikely she deceived qingheng-jun in the process. Jin Guangyao actively deceived kan xichen for years. When lan xichen learned this, he decided to investigate and was badly hurt in the process. The outcome, seclusion, may be the same, but the reasons are different. Also, the novel heavily implies that lan xichen will eventually emerge and take up his duties again.

All of this is to say... I can't decide ^^

I'll answer the other putstabding ask tomorrow. It's past midnight now and I should really sleep. Thank you for being so patient 💙

Btw, happy holidays, if you celebrate 🥰

#the untamed #mdzs #ask #mdzsnetcc #jin guangshan #jin guangyao #lan xichen #jiang cheng #nie huaisang #please don't mind all the typos #i didn't read over what i wrote again #all my past german teachers would be so disappointed

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inessencedevided · 4 years

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The Untamed, episode 46 - watching notes

Full disclosure: I'm not in a particularly good mood today. Have you seen that "no productivity. Only guild." Meme flying around? That's me today :|

Hopefully this will distract me (though distraction was the problem in the first place 🙈)

I apologise for any typos you'll finde in this post 😅

To recap, the last thing I learned was that apparently, Jiggy married his own sister because Jin Guangshan was a scumbag who raped more women than he could possibly remember

I was told by several people that this episode is their favourite. No pressures or anything :D

The way someone is dragging up Jiggy's secrets has a lot of poetic justice to it. Everyone is outraged and gossiping. Consensus is reached quickly. Kinda makes me feel that that someone (who probably also wrote the letter to jgy) knows exactly how to use the sect world's worst qualities as a weapon

Yao what's-his-name, resident gossip queen, at it again

Don't look at me my memory is as bad as wwx when it comes to names :D

I was about to write who is Lianfang Zum again and then I remembered that it's jiggy's honorary title. See what I mean? ^^

What does it say about me that my heart makes a leap when I simply see wwx leaning close to lwj to whisper to him? 😅 I'll probably die reading the novel, that's what that says

Oh so it was the maid who sent the letter

Come on Wei Wuxian! That was cruel

Yeah Yao what's-his-name, why would you need to know the identity of who ever is behind this? It's not like you've ever been deceived before!

What's... with that bracelet?

I love it how everyone looks positively startled when Lan Wangji says something unprompted :D

Wait ... Zwei Jun is in his hands? Shit, i don't remeber what happened there. Where did Xichen go again? 😬

I'm so confused right now 🙈 I can't watch and read the subtitles and type

Okay, watched the whole conversation again, now I'm following

I reiterate my earlier statement that whoever is pulling the strings here knows exactly what strings to pull to get the clans to act

Great, another mob 🙄

Loooool

NOW you want his help? 😂

Sure, as soon as he can serve YOU with his "evil tricks", that's okay!

You can see how much wwx changed because he does not hold their hypocrisy to their faces. He mostly seemed tired of it

And Jiang Cheng just realised that wwx might indeed not be responsible for Jiang Yanli's death, didn't he? He's almost stunned 🥺

Or is BEAUTIFUL to see Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji move in such unity! 😭

Oh ... those are the graves of his foster parents, right? :(

And Yanli ... oh God I forgot about Yanli 🥺

I'm crying again. Nothing on this show will ever hit as hard to me as the Yunmeng siblings' fate

I couldn't help myself, I legitimately just stroked my laptop screen where Yanli's plate was 🥺

So many conflicting emotions

Thanks to a friendly anon, I know that these three bows together are marriage thing! 😭😭😭

So yeah, they're married now. I dont make the rules :')

Somehow, this feels like them asking wwx's foster family's blessing

And now I'm imagining Shijie smiling back at them gently and I'm crying 🥺

And by God, I love lwj's gentle teasing :')

This whole scene, he's so soft! 😭

And it think that Wei Wuxian probably thought that he'd never get to step into Lotus Pier again. But here, he can finally say his goodbyes to his Shijie properly. He can heal! 🖤

And again, I cannot stress enough how wonderful that is! And how rare and precious in a show like this. So often character's get put through unimaginable trauma, but they either brush it off no problem or the show/movie ends immediately after the main action and you are left to imagine the number it did on the character's psyche. There are so rarely fantasy shows that really dive into the emotional fallout the plot has on their characters and then give them time to heal. Thus show does both and I'm so goddamn overjoyed my it!

Come to think of it, it reminds me of a very good hurt/comfort fic 🤷‍♀️

Jiang Cheng pleae, fir once, try not to be angry immediately when you're hurting :(

He still takes special offence that lwj is there. Makes me wonder if he still feels like wwx chooses lwj over the Jiang sect and is still hurt by it 😔 (note that at the same time, he reminds wwx that he's very much not a member of the Jiang clan anymore. God, the man has not worked through his own feelings ...)

For once, as much as I love it when lwj defends wwx (especially when it's not against any physical harm, but because he doesn't want wwx to be hurt emotionally) I think him interfering with this particular conflict does not help

Okay sorry, but no! lotus pier was not destroyed because wwx saved lwj in that cave. That was just an excuse for the Wen sect. They would have come eventually anyway

Ohhh

So there's my answer

He's still hurt because he feels wwx chooses anyone else over his family, which is to say him

And he probably can't understand because their positions are so different. The (future) sect leader and the son of a (dead) servant and a rogue cultivator who never felt quite like he belonged 😔

It's so goddamn tragic how much between these two was destroyed simply because they have such a different status in society and could never quite understand each other's perspective

And again, wwx just takes it 💔

Until, that is, lwj's honour gets besmirched

Don't fight in front of Shijie 🥺

Jiang Cheng's every action screams that he still loves his brother and that amidst all that pain for his lost family, is also deep betrayal and grieve for the brother he thought he could always count on 🥺💔

Can we appreciate for a second how much this shot tells us? From Jiang Cheng's angry desperation, to Wei Wuxian's quite acceptance of his rage (which must be so confusing to Jiang Cheng and probably hurt him even more. Because fighting is always how these two resolved their issues!) to Lan Wangji who is in full on protective mode (which I find more than heartwarming,but still think probably isn't helpful rn)

He ... what?

I still don't quite understand when exactly wwx's lack of golden core shows. Why does he have a nosebleed here?

What?

Oh!

Wen Ning 😱

I get what he wants to do!

Have we ever seen him this calm and determined before?

Abd they understand 😱😱😱

The look on all of their faces! Shiiiiit

I'm crying again

Oh wangii is crying 🥺

Wen Quing 💔💔💔 I'm crying even harder just looking at her. I've MISSED her 🥺

Lan Zhan your FACE!! 😭

The way he's looking at wwx in his arms, as if he's seeing him fir the first time

And by god, I can only imagine what he must be thinking

He must be reevaluation every single interaction they had since wwx started down the path of demonic cultivation 😭

I'm a bit in awe of Wen Ning here and how much he must have been holding in. That's the steadiest and most confident he's ever been

Oh Jiang cheng 💔

That looks like a man whose entire world has just been shaken to its core

And Lan Wangji is crying so much 🥺

God I hope he doesn't blame himself even more 🥺

Aaaaaaahhhh, so that is why he wouldn't just carry the sword for appearance sake and why he just had a nosebleed!

Jiang Cheng probably needs about a month to process all that :/

And therapy ...

Aaaaaaahhhh! The boat scene! I've seen gifs! 😍😍😍

A penny for Lan Wangji's thoughts ...

Oh I'm so so so so glad that Wen Ning gets to say thank you to the man who raised his ... cousin (?) :')

Oh god we get to see!!!!

Oh little a Yuan 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I wonder now, did Lan Qiren know who the child was that his nephew suddenly brought back to cloud recess?

I'm glad that we all learned from this that keeping secrets from the people we love, especially secrets that concern them personally, will eventually come back to bide us in the ass. Than you for delivering that important lesson, wen Ning!

Which reminds me that I hope they eventually tell wwx that they know 😬

I swear to god, one of these days I will melt from the gentleness in lan Wangji's gaze :')

Shit. He had to be awake? 😳

You can pinpoint the moment Lan Wangji's heart breaks for all the suffering wwx endured and how close he came to loosing him even then 🥺

Waking like that in you lovers arms in the middle of a lotus pond - that's the dream *sighs* (minus the passing out bit)

It's weirdly cute that wwx thinks that it's Jiang Cheng's insults that have lwj so upset 😅

Oh GOOOOD ...

I can't

The moment Yanli's themes started to play and she appeared I started to bawl 😭😭😭

And he's sharing the lotus pods with them ... oh please, lwj, please understand what he's saying. That's his pove language! His sister's food was how he received love and right now he passes it on to you! Please, please understand it! 🥺

Oh lwj, don't 🙈

Awwwwww ....

He's breaking the rules for you!!! Just to make you smile!!! 😭😭

And holy shit look at their expressions 😭

By now you should know that he's willing to break the rules for you :')

And poor third wheel Wen Ning 😂

Now there are glittering butterflies???

Do they have some kind of romantic aesthetic bingo going on in this episode???

Oh okay, messenger butterflies

Please appreciate wwx almost climbing into lan Wangji's lab in excitement :D

Thay scene transition was pretty af!

Hey! Why do they bully wen Ning? 😤

*shakes wwx by the shoulders* DO YOU GET THAT HE LOVES YOU NOW???

Huh, this episode was a roller coaster. you guys did NOT exaggerate! I loved it to pieces. I'm floored once more by all the actor's performances. Wen Ning revealed a lot about his character, Jiang Cheng broke my heart, Lan Wangji made it melt and Shijie is still able to make me bawl in an instant. But ... I'm not left with a bitter feeling. Sure, jiang Cheng and wei Wuxian havebt reconciled, but the truth is the first step to even have that possibility. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are both healing and whatever happens in the last 4 (4!!!😭) episodes, I'm not dreading it that much right now. I feel like we're climbing upwards :)

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose thank you guys for staying with me for this crazy ride 💙🖤💙

Also one last thing: please don't tell me what happens differently in the novel in any given scene. I am still reading it (about half way through rn) and I'd like to still be surprised by stuff like first kisses and love confessions 💙🖤

I should have put something like this at the end before, but I always forgot. That's on me 😅 so don't feel bad, if you've shared something before :)

#the untamed #sophie watches the untamed #wei wuxian #wwx #lan wangji #lwj #jiang wanyin #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #wen ning #a yuan #the untamed liveblog

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