#and how to communicate with each other bc they cannot communicate directly

[waitineedaname]

underrated detail in the bingge vs bingmei extra is that the whole reason it happened in the first place is because binghe was trying to give sqq space because they still hadn't figured out all their communication issues and also bc he was still feeling guilty about maigu ridge. and sqq was pouting about this and the instant "binghe" showed back up, he bundled him off to qing jing and started fussing over him. the clingy behavior is MUTUAL.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.

[russilton]

Coming @ you with the vague fic scenario of Lewis/George slowburn somewhere between 2020 and 2024 where George's main problem is being jealous of Valtteri and Lewis's main problem are his feelings for someone that much younger and both of them are oblivious idiots 😩

George falls first and then Lewis falls harder and they don't get that the other one wants them, so much miscommunication (or more likely lack of communication lol) but it's also cute and funny. I'm probably never going to write it but I want it. 😂

So, gonna apologise for holding this for 3 months, whoops! In my defence those last 3 months have been… just a LOT for me. Hah. I’m alive though let’s go with it

I love this idea a lot, not just because I’m a sucker for slow burn and both the boys getting wrapped up in their own heads and hang ups, but also because I was telling Lesi recently- George and Val is such an underutilised dynamic in our space- possibly because most people writing Gewis are more familiar with Alex than Val and Alex is both a softer and more comical voice to work with- but fuck do I love the genuinely rocky but recovering relationship that is Val and George especially when it rotates around Lewis

Maybe it’s bc I was a Val fan prior to George, and still share a fondness for him I can’t shake, but there’s something so solid in his friendship with Lewis that I just think is fascinating when you introduce George or it- because ultimately his and George’s annoyance with each other came directly from the fact Val had everything George wanted, the seat at Merc, the wins, Lewis’ respect. And Val understandably wasn’t fond of the twink forcing him to confront head on his age and slow slip from his prime.

Once George gets his seat, once Val bites the bullet and accepts the move to stake, you can see the slip of weight off their shoulders, they both relax with one another- but getting a seat does not automatically grant George Lewis’ friendship, that’s the one thing George cannot just take from Valtteri. I think it’s so interesting for George to have to fight between both being glad Lewis has that support, and the disappointment and glowing jealousy he doesn’t get to be that person.

George has so much anxiety Valtteri just doesn’t have, he would spend so long in these internal twisted knots of trying to fight the sticky guilt of being so jealous of that attention- he knows it’s bad, he knows it’s wrong, but you cannot intellectualise your way out of a feeling, and in the depths of your own angst it’s hard to properly recognise the very brotherly shape of the bond between Lewis and Val- it doesn’t matter that the attention isn’t romantic, all that matters is he isn’t the one at the centre of that focus. I love playing with how George both has enough therapy to recognise certain feelings are silly and illogical.. but still has to deal with them. Because that’s how emotions work. And I project.

I also love coming at it from the third person perspective of Valtteri going from disliking George, thinking he’s cocky and frustrating and in his way- to watching George step into his seat and gain this sheen of anxiety you’d have missed before, because it was hidden under George’s relentless pursuit of what he wanted most, and once he had that… well now he’s adrift a little. There’s something just.. delicious about Valtteri slowly coming to realise just how much George wants Lewis’ attention, it’s not a five second fan boy moment that will snap under selfishness, George truly deeply cares about what Lewis has to say, and he follows through on things. It’s hard to change your opinion on someone who so annoyed you for years until you start seeing their problems separate to how they impact you, but in my opinion it’s a sort of quintessential step of being an older sibling, which in the weird fucked up sports way, Val kinda is.

They share so so many similarities at their core, and as George struggles through the gulf of trying to become someone Lewis is interested in, Valtteri knows that feeling. Knows what it’s like to wait for Lewis wide smile and laugh to turn on you, knows how Lewis can be fickle and frustrated, but also someone so warm you drift in their direction. Val may have never wanted anything to do with being in the bedroom with Lewis, he knows what it’s like to be seeking that orbit. He knows George because little bits of him were George, and it’s hard to maintain a frustration with someone you fundamentally understand.

As for Lewis, you could evolve a whole story just on him observing the relationship between his friends and how odd that is to do when he spent so long thinking that getting too close to other drivers would make him vulnerable. Especially when his feelings for George take such a specific shape that out grows anything he’s dealt with before, and how odd that is.

This ramble got slightly redirected to a ranting George and Val, but it’s been on my mind recently and I re read a bunch of Naimh’s fics recently so thems the brakes

[tofumoons]

no one ever wants 2 talk about how fucked up adora & glimmers rlxnship was circa s4 but it was so YUMMY like their rlxnship wass ofrauoght for so many reasons but the root was that neither of them were able to communicate exactly why they needed. when they did neither of them could understand it. they love each other but they don't know how to talk to each other they're suffocating each other it's a kind of slow rot that starts once glimmer gets the authority and independence she once craved and it's not how she ever thought or wanted it to happen but she's going to do it and she going to do it right. she had to. she's the only one who can. but adora with her fused sort of savior guilt complex over angela sees the power and thinks it makes her more vulnerable and glimmer chafes under this bc even if angela's not here anymore she still has to prove she can do this. so she makes decisions that cannot be weak. she charges into battle she allies with shadow weaver to get stronger she goes off on her own and it all comes from a place of hurt but this hurts adora too bc adora obviously spent her whole childhood under shadow weavers power and she did very little good to adora who did idealize her but only bc of how manipulative sw is and the betrayal of it all still cuts deep. adora lashes out and glimmer interprets it as jealousy and immaturity and her inability to acknowledge sw's abuse of adora pushes them apart even further. they cant trust eachother enough to talk about the wounds that fuel these actions without risking another cut. the war is unrelenting and glimmer is desparste when glimmer believes light hope over adora she crosses another line. she doesn't listen to adora bc adora doesn't know anything about what's right this is just like shadow weaver and look at what i can do now because of her. adora failed her mother but glimmer won't fail etheria and again she betrays adora's trust. glimmer and adora's inability to comprehend eachother with the ugliest versions of themselves directly leads to the occupation of etheria. something has broken between them and no one knows if it can come back. on some level i think glimmer activating the heart is a greater betrayal than anything catra has done to adora—maybe not the greatest betrayal adora has committed against catra but the line between them is clearly antagonistic. glimmer is different. glimmer wasn't supposed to end up like catra. it doesn't matter tho. the love is still there.

[velvetvexations]

wild wild wild to me how this infighting is perpetuated by people who continuously assume bad faith of everyone they disagree with -- if u believe in transandrophobia theory, its bc u dont have transfem friends (all my transfem friends reached similar conclusions as i did independently of myself and of each other re current discourse but apparently their opinions dont matter bc i must be manipulating and abusing them). every tme person has to unlearn their violent raging trans/misogyny (everyone does. misogyny - transmisogyny included in this - is taught to everyone and therefore must be unlearned by everyone, women cis and trans included). all of it, all of it, is ... people approaching you on the assumption that you are inherently a bigot against them and they are not inherently a bigot against you (like the sorta person that excuses their use of the word 'theyfab'; they can be transphobic to you, bc its not actually transphobia if its not transmisogyny. its only transphobic if its YOU "being mean" to THEM, or if u get upset that theyre trying to slur you or whatever). its just fucking insane how ... hypocritical it all is.

... most of my close transfem friends have told me that other transfems had been the cruelest to them. one told me she had been treated better by transmasc communities than by transfem communities. i didnt know what to say to that. it was heartbreaking to hear. but no, its those same transmascs that are a cabal of secret transmisogynists directly targetting transfems to hurt them and push them out of the trans community. like yeah, there are transmisogynists in the trans community. and its you, too. ykwim? no one is immune to perpetuating bigotry, but transandrophobes think they are.

The thing that bothers me most about it all really is that transmascs, specifically ones who believe in transandrophobia have been so nice and loving towards me, so reassuring whenever I worried about if I had power over them, the exact opposite of everything transandrophobes assume. I cannot stand that.

[shenqingqiuenthusiast]

Let me yap my way out of my life, really¯⁠\⁠_⁠ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Misvil was an emotional rollercoaster, I need some time to "absorb" all of its meanings and emotions to actually create sth seemingly canon.

I love the way that despite being the love story of an autistic workaholic scholar and an ocd (idk if that's the right way to describe it, maybe sth like "purity obsession"?) mad (not really, just have some illnesses, plus they were temporary) beauty, they actually have more communication in a span of 120 chapters than some cheap novels with hundreds of chapters. I love the little misunderstandings; however, the way they tried to talk to each other, make them happy and treasure/understand situations in their own ways made such a pleasant read.

I adore YueSong dynamic as it has both comedic and heart-wrenching elements (my type really, this blog was solely created with that theme in mind). Although, spoilers ig, they are not really like that in the end (or should I say at the start too?), but their love is trying to understand both themselves and each other, learning how to love and healing from past wounds. It's comforting to think and imagine their life aftermath.

Each character can be analysed separately, but cannot be taken away from the other characters. The chemistry between them has an essential impact, but not too much to the point where they cannot stand on their own and exist without the other one.

The start may trigger a lot of ppl, ik. I wanted to drop bcs at some point, it challenged my comfort motips and tropes. I'm glad I made it to the end.

-Welcome back sir.

-Sincerely thank you for never giving up.

Kindness, even when it's unintended, can bring back one from Hell and heal the wounds deep inside their heart. Kindness doesn't have a fixed form and cannot directly change everything, but little by little, after 1350 mistakes, the 1351st attempt has succeeded, guiding the wounded back to Heaven.

Consider this sth I let out to prevent me from going crazy. I cannot handle overwhelming emotions, really. I chose ships that are at least semi-canon, I even read romances and love stories with intended cps even though this genre wasn't my type. Consequently, a svsss fan and now, a misvil fan was born(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

[irrealisms]

sorry im still thinking about my web weave from earlier. some liner notes

go read the plague in literature and myth... if you don't have jstor access it's pretty easy to find a pdf online....... i was avoiding it for a bit bc i wanted my next girard to be violence and the sacred (<- foundational but also a whole-ass book) but it's! short!! it's a little essay and it's so readable. this also goes for non-divorcesteal fans. tgcf fans im looking at you. i'm not super happy with the quote i ended up going with from it but there weren't many that were short enough to fit + poetic rather than obnoxiously on the nose

this will also give you context for the crime and punishment quote. context matters! while it's also functioning as a "people don't understand each other & cannot see the full picture of what we're all doing" it is, in context, a quote about a plague that has no directly ~medical symptoms and instead kills through war, by making people confused & amoral & violent :) and these are related! the not-understanding is part of the plague!

the piranesi quote & to some extent the quote from the idea of the labyrinth are intending to emphasize the ways it can be seen differently. piranesi is a book about the beauty & wonder of a labyrinth! like the direct quote is asking "why a labyrinth?" which is also about. like. the experience of not knowing, cf the last bullet point. but again it's one where context matters

and yes it is deliberate that each "here is a sentence about how i don't understand" has context that adds to it & isn't included in the collage itself. and in one of them that context is a beautiful maze and the other is a dream of a horrific pathogen. this too is divorcesteal. what you see depends on where you stand!!!

i kinda debated on whether to include revelation but like... apocalypse imagery AND plague imagery AND angel imagery AND sun imagery.... how could i not

i know i already posted it separately bc of how much i liked it but i rly like the nocom + maze overlay... check out fit's video on nocom btw it's really cool but tl;dr nocom was a coordinate exploit on 2b2t that let a team track players and find over 15,000 bases. overlaying the heatmap with the maze, so that the player activity blends into the lines of the maze, is my attempt at evoking the obsidian maze on divorcesteal that leads to bases

you're probably familiar with the wall-with-spikes drawing at the bottom but in case you're not: it's a piece of concept art from the attempt to generate long-term nuclear waste warnings that also originated "this place is not a place of honor". i considered doing the Forbidding Blocks design instead of Spike Field bc obviously the divorcesteal maze doesn't have spikes and also i really liked the description of it but i decided Spike Field is more recognizable and the extra recognizability was worth it to me. anyway it's also [huge black grid made to unsettle but also contain a contaminant] with bonus quasi-apocalyptic connotations so. obvious choice. also i like the guy looking at the gap between the two....ive been there....and again it's also speaking to the impossibility of communication. will the future understand?

no special meaning in the sources of sun photos sorry....i just wanted a bit more color and decided to lean into the thousand suns thing. three is basically the same as a thousand right

ok so this is one you can totally pick up on from just looking at it and i've been trying to avoid talking about those as opposed to talking about "here's some context that you may not realize if you don't know the sources" but i'm really proud of it so. i really like the background being partly bird's eye view of a maze but at the bottom you get a guy seeing it from eye level on the ground. maze-viewers vs maze-treaders again

i think you can probably pick up on the rest of it without context of the sources (though feel free to ask questions) so i'll leave this post there for now :3 but it's doing like 3-4 things and i'm! proud of it

[starfleetshrimps]

stop normalizing being an asshole bc you're neurodivergent. please.

"oh yesterday i was in a room full of normal people who paid attention to one another and didn't interrupt each other every 3.5 seconds and weren't just waiting for an opportunity to talk about their special interest at every moment" shuTUP. shut-up shut-up shut-up.

learn how to interact in a truly meaningful way i am begging you. being interrupted sucks! not being listened to sucks! it's okay to be constantly focused on your hyperfixation(s) but you canNOT be a fucking asshole about "not being normal" and it's driving me fucking insane.

you are normal. society isn't built for us and that directly impacts the way that we live and function on a day to day basis, but if you are not able to have a conversation with anyone without hurting their feelings ever and you're blaming it on THEM? I'm not advocating for masking but I am an autistic person who is able to be 'weird' and miss social cues and talk about my hyperfixations without being a dick and I am sick of having a lack of community of people who are nice and considerate. if you can't operate in the world thinking about anyone but yourself and what you want to talk about that's not autism, or ADHD, you just suck.

[daybreakrising]

8. Name any three things about the rpc that bother you. & 9.What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not?

the be honest meme

8. Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

okay i'm gonna keep these short if possible but:

1) first one has to be the absolute utter lack of communication. not even just for anything negative, either - people just simply... don't talk to each other about anything. for example: want to explore a potential ship with someone? don't wait for a person to pick up hints or vibes, because many of us simply won't pick up on them. just approach someone with the idea. the worst that's gonna happen is they'll turn you down (hopefully politely) and then you can seek out someone else who might be down for it. simple. easy. just talk to people about things. "but i'm anxious" we're all fckn anxious that's why we're here.

and to tack onto this bc i was gonna make it its own thing but it's down to communication still: the fact you can be blocked forever just bc you briefly interacted with someone a person has an issue with. and yes, i'm adding this bc it's happened to me - is still happening to me. doesn't matter that i don't talk to that person at all anymore, doesn't matter that i haven't been in their circle for months, doesn't even matter that i wasn't even that close with them in the first place - i'm forever blocked bc of a brief association and it's ridiculous, frankly. and i understand wanting to curate your space a certain way if you want to avoid a specific person appearing in your vicinity in any way (and i'll come back to this topic for the second question, bc i stand by someone's right to choose how they curate their own space), but it again comes down to communication. blocking someone forever removes that chance to communicate. it's like you've sentenced them - but even prisoners get parole hearings. and yes, sometimes you block someone for something and then never think about them again, but when you are an instant block on any blog someone then makes? when you haven't even done anything to this person directly or weren't even aware of them? when you haven't even done anything wrong? that feels real shit, guys. don't do it to people.

2) this is a big one for me but: the way some people in the rpc treat villainous characters, or characters who have otherwise done Terrible Things. now, listen, i get wanting to explore "what ifs" and even potential redemptions, and that's fine, but unless you are going completely au (which i don't always agree with, especially if the Terrible Thing or them being a bad person is intrinsically tied to their story, but for the sake of this-) then you cannot, cannot, act like they weren't a horrible person or did terrible things, or that those things don't matter anymore. you cannot expect characters - especially anyone they might have wronged - to just change their opinions for nothing. & i detest villain apologists with my entire soul. you cannot excuse their behaviour (though you can explain it - two very different things). you cannot "redeem" them by going: hey, it doesn't matter that they did all these terrible things, because they're chill now! look at these nice things they've done! no, if you want your character to be redeemed, you've gotta fckn work for it, and you've gotta accept that it might not be possible - or that, at least, there will be characters who will never accept they've changed even if they have.

if you can't handle a villain being a villain, then don't write one.

3) nothing is "canon" unless it is actually canon. is it stated clearly in whatever media it is? is it explicitly said? no? then it's not canon. i don't care how implied it is or how "-coded" something is, it's not canon (also, hate the word 'coded' bc of how it's used, but that's another salt for another day). and someone not adhereing to what you believe is "canon" does not mean they are hating on it. we are all allowed our opinions, our own headcanons. unless something is directly harmful or problematic then let people have their hcs even if they disagree with yours. and yes, i understand that for some things, canon cannot explicitly state that a character is a certain way, for example, but that's unfortunately how the world is. even so, that doesn't give you the right to dictate someone's hcs or spew hate because they don't accept your canon.

& this applies heavily to ships. your ship is not canon unless it actually is canon. and please, please, acknowledge and understand that language means different things in different cultures. language has different meanings across the same culture, sometimes. your understanding of a word isn't necessarily the understanding that was meant and it certainly doesn't give you the right to look down on or outright hate upon anyone or anything that doesn't align with your views.

9. What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not?

i do practice it, and here's why:

sometimes, it just makes sense. i typically only do this with ships, and only really with ships that i simply cannot see me seeking out with another person for whatever reason that is. sometimes you'll just click with someone and build a dynamic together that meets every need you've ever had for that particular combination of muses. sometimes it's a combination of muses you never expected to write. sometimes the dynamic only works with that one specific portrayal. and, sometimes, it's a dynamic you have very specific thoughts on that you can only trust this one person with.

and i get it, it does suck if you love a person's portrayal and want to pursue a particular dynamic, only to discover they're exclusive with someone. it's a bummer. but that's their right and you can't get salty over it. they've chosen to be exclusive for whatever reason and you just have to accept it, even if it sucks.

what i don't understand is the hate towards exclusivity. why shouldn't a person curate their space how they want? why is that such a terrible thing? "oh but it excludes people-" so what ???? you're not obligated to interact with anyone. if you're getting angry or upset over someone choosing to run their blog a certain way, maybe you shouldn't be here.

and to add on at the end bc i just know there's a chance someone will go "but you complained about people blocking you earlier. that's not respecting how they've chosen to curate their space" if i don't say this: please understand that is a very specific situation and is not the same thing at all. i already said that i understand why they did it and i take no issue with that at all. my issue is solely with the fact that it's still happening even though i no longer have any association with that particular person, because there's no opportunity to communicate. that's my problem with it.

[missing-a-place-ive-never-been]

so i just finished campaign 2

in 6 months pretty much to the fucking day. and what a half a year it was. i don't know how to write down how much i love these characters, just... watching them evolve from the very beginning of the journey was just so special. i started campaign 1 in the briarwood arc (and i honestly should probably rewatch that just bc i was so confused about what was happening still at that point) and i loved seeing these characters from their first meeting as a group and how their experiences and relationships formed them into the people they were a year(-ish??) later.

Although c3 is the one that got me hooked and will always be special bc of that, and c1 felt more of a idk how to say it a story because of the separation and a more clear path (going from the briarwoods to the dragons to vecna just felt more natural to me instead of what mostly felt like side quests next to the war storyline and the lucien storyline), i feel the most connection as a group with m9. their individual development but also their group dynamic in which each of them felt like an integral part to the story and all were important to each other and had special moments together... idk something so very compelling and i will be thinking about them for a long fucking time.

As for the numbers, this means that on average i spend over two and a half hours a day for the past half a year watching critical role and i honestly cannot say i regret it. i don't know if i will ever play d&d myself as i think cr has set such a high bar of expectations and i don't really know the right people for it (at this moment) but i have grown to see the value in role playing games. though the stories might be fantasy, the emotions these people bring to the table each week is are just raw and real and have made me work through some of my own issues, i can't even imagine the impact on their own lives throughout all of it.

in the end, i would have loved to see more of essek and caleb interacting. liam and matt's interactions in the final part of 141 broke me and made me yearn for more. i haven't seen the wrap up of the reunion eps yet but at least for the reunion i don't think we see essek until the last few moments, which is bittersweet; while we don't see it directly play out, we get a good glimpse into their combined futures and i think that open ending does leave for a lot of own interpretation (and def a lot of great fan art!). overall, the characters i enjoyed most were caleb (i adore liam and his faithful representation of a bisexual disaster) and jester (do i need to explain? wonderfully chaotic and the kind of enjoyment of just life and its beauty i admire and aspire to), but even the characters i had less of a personal connection with (for me ford) i really loved for their interactions and relationships with the others.

i laughed and cried so much while experiencing this campaign, and i am just feeling full with love for the cast and crew and their incredible work and play. this is just a rambling of my thoughts at the moment and kind of a time capsule for myself, but if you are a critter and read all of it, thank you to you as well <3 the community (i mostly only interact with the one on tumblr) makes the experience def more valuable and i'm happy we're on the same journeys together!

[waywardsalt]

on my knees gripping my head hnngggg i thought abt bellumbeck too hard

tag ramblings are fun and on brand but i have too many disorganized thoughts and tags are limiting.

anyways thinking too hard abt him is an extremely good and fun thing but i cannot draw the way i wish and can't really put my thoughts into fic form so this is very much going to be a fun ramble.

bellumbeck drives me insane we all know this. he showed up in my dream last night as of writing this sentence so he is on my mind, which is surprising bc fictional stuff doesn't usually show up coherently in my dreams but there it was.

it's so incredibly fun to think about bellumbeck. he's such a black sheep of a loz final boss, there really isnt another loz final boss like him in concept or even in 1:1 tone imo. it's so fun to take bellumbeck incredibly darkly seriously.

to be fair bellumbeck is kind of objectively a fairly dark and disturbing final boss on a conceptual level, and it's not really out of nowhere since phantom hourglass has at least a little darkness running through it even if the general tone of the game doesn't really acknowledge or take advantage of it. but if you think about it hard enough even without getting into post-game speculation in regards to what happens with linebeck, bellumbeck is kind of a dark boss and it's great. full on screen demonic possession of a major character with most of the cast incapacitated and link isolated with no escape on the ruins of the ghost ship that started everything and facing a boss that is constantly facing him and both someone he's been with the whole adventure and also the creature that's captured his friends and killed who knows how many people.

it's so oooouuuugghhhh it's so much fun to think about bellumbeck even though it's such a short encounter. it's so... the mystery around bellum, the way linebeck is built up throughout the game and saves link directly before getting possessed, the fucking on-screen vaguely violent possession (i am forever obsessed with the way bellum grabs and tugs on his arms), the way ciela is captured early into the fight, too, the first companion character you meet and, if you had her equipped, it leaves you without a fairy that follows your cursor around for the first time all game, it's very... congrats you and your friends are at rock bottom! good luck getting everyone out of there alive!!!!

of course it's not quite that because this game is geared a bit more towards younger players, but still keeps those streaks of darkness and complexity just simply because they're inevitable parts of this story and it's characters. bellumbeck. i'm talking about bellumbeck. what a soulsborne-ass final boss, huh?

there's only so much a ds game can do in terms of boss animations, but i think a lot about more complicated movements and animations for bellumbeck, so, so much character can be communicated through a boss's animations. in my mind, i enjoy bellumbeck movements with an emphasis on puppet-like flourishes and mannerisms, and an emphasis on weight with how he fights. these two go very well together, and its something i love imagining.

with the latter, an emphasis on weight, would ideally focus on the sword (and im a fan of it being this huge greatsword, reading berserk got me around to liking it because you can do that really well) and how it has to be used one-handed, with bellumbeck leveraging his own weight against it and taking advantage of momentum to use it especially effectively to turn link into a little green and red smear on the wood. attacks blending into each other as he builds up momentum, and using that weight primarily against link, who is a small opponent who relies on rolling around and can’t really stack up at all in terms of brute force.

i imagine this kind of physicality and movement would lend itself very well to bellumbeck also having more puppet-like movements, being a little too tugged-along by his attacks but still retaining his footing, his free arm being just a little too limp a little too often, and his leaning away from his sword side, likely with the intention to properly balance himself out, looks off with how his head lolls unnaturally to that side. the puppetry effect lessens as the fight wears on and bellum gets the hang of the body he’s using, but never actually goes away since he’s not looking to act properly human anyways.

just like... movement flourishes and details that could add a whole lot to the overall experience of bellumbeck that i think about often.

[kernelbastard]

putting these Slugpup Hungry Games hcs here bc I don't feel like making a new sideblog right now

me and my friend have been obsessed with it the past few days so here's some stuff we came up with. note: the pronouns are not literal, Slugcats don't speak English (slugsign W), they're just how we refer to them (also I have separate headcanons for how Slugcat gender and social roles work but I don't know if any of the Hungry kids ever learned any of that stuff so it's not super relevant)

... also we don't know GladosCat's real Iterator name so we've just been calling her Ambition or Wire Mother interchangeably

anyway. these are for you @peculiurperennial

General

The pups are listed in order of age. Therefore, Bingus is the eldest, while Onion, despite being larger than the others, is the baby of the group.

How much a Slugcat remembers past cycles is determined by age and species, and increases as their brains develop. However, there are exceptions to this pattern, like Fleece.

They were not born of the same litter, although it is possible that they were all raised in the same tribe; either way, none of them (except Onion) remember who they were before being captured, and in the end, it doesn't change that they are siblings now.

They cannot directly speak to each other, nor do they know Slugsign, so their means of communication are very limited. Still, they definitely understand each other better than other pups would, simply because they're so familiar and have had to learn to cooperate in dangerous situations. Bingus and Fleece are the most in-tune with each other's thoughts.

Onion already had a bit of the Rotund gene in her ancestry before modification, which is why she's so much bigger; Rotund Slugcats are very close to standard Terrestrials, and are not considered a separate species by Terrestrial society. That being said, all Slugcats - excluding Purposed Organisms - have enough genetic similarity to produce healthy pups with Terrestrials, so it's not impossible for Bingus and Fleece to also have Carnivore and Aquatic ancestors, just... Unlikely, especially in Fleece's case, as Aquatics are not native to this region.

Subject A-23334, Carnivore type - Bingus

They/Them, "the Prodigy"

Second-clearest memory of past tests and cycles.

The smartest and strongest of the siblings, at least in most ways relevant to testing.

Does not enjoy violence, preferring to solve problems as puzzles rather than fights, but will do what is necessary to help their siblings get through the tests. They're not afraid to take a hit if it means the others are spared.

Considers themself a sort of leader, whether or not this is acknowledged by the others, but it's not a source of pride or self-importance; it is instead a great responsibility, a burden, that feels so heavy it nearly crushes them. They know they are Wire Mother's favorite, and they'll do everything in their power to keep her focused on them rather than the other pups, even if that means they will be left out of escape plans. This facility creates Purposed Organisms, and, under the Iterator's watchful eye, Bingus has lost every part of themself that is not part of this sense of purpose.

Subject B-6587, Aquatic type - Fleece

They/Them, "the Opportunist"

Can remember past testing cycles almost perfectly, but has gaps in their memory.

The quickest and most practical of the siblings, avoiding unnecessary risk whenever possible.

Often acts cold or distant, as if they don't care as much about the others, but really, they keep that emotional distance as a means of protecting themself. They are afraid that if they break down and Wire Mother finds out, she'll do something to "fix" their memory.

Feels deeply isolated from their siblings, except for Bingus, as they both know more than they should. Even then, though, they don't have a clear method of talking about it, and Wire Mother doesn't give them much privacy, anyway, so Fleece can never drop the act for long. Over time, this loneliness has grown into resentment, though they won't let it show to anyone but Bingus, as the misplaced "source" of this anger.

Subject C-6287, Terrestrial type - Jib

He/Him, "the Paragon"

Doesn't remember much, but has held onto enough information to know how bleak the situation is, and retains more of the emotions from past cycles than actual facts.

The kindest and bravest of the siblings, but unfortunately, naïvete has no place in the testing chamber except as a bloody example of failure.

... Isn't actually anywhere near as naïve as Wire Mother thinks he is. He knows he's not the strongest or the fastest, and he's very easy to kill. But he does have one thing the others don't: pure stubbornness. Anyone here seen Everything Everywhere All At Once? He's like Waymond. You know what I'm talking about. "When I choose to see the good side of things, I'm not being naïve. It's strategic and necessary. It's how I've learned to survive through everything." If these kids do get to escape down the line, I hope it's Jib who leads them through it.

This bit isn't as serious, but he reminds me of a shonen protagonist. That's all

Subject D-42346, Rotund type - Onion

She/Her, "the Avenger"

Has little to no memory of past cycles, but does remember her life before capture.

I don't have nearly as much to say about this one, mainly because I'm still trying to figure her out. But I do think it'd be cool if, while Jib represents the things Wire Mother can't control or beat out of him, Onion is more... Well, technically a great success, but maybe too great. She's hard to kill. Eventually, her creator is going to regret that.

kind of ran out of steam at the end there but I'll follow this up in a little while with more details (in the form of Discord screenshots)

[tinyspringtrap]

Thin shaming is like white people thinking they can experience racism. Like, you can experience prejudice, but you are not experiencing systemic issues in any way, shape, or form that you do when you're fat. Obviously, both are bad, and you shouldn't shame anyone, but one is so clearly worse. Also, when did OP say that either were okay? Please use reading comprehension...

anon you seem to have confused the definition of racism with the definition of institutional racism, I don't think I'm the one with reading comprehension issues. You literally even just said they can experience prejudice.

Here are the definitions of racism and institutional racism:

rac·ism

prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.

Institutional racism

the perpetuation of discrimination on the basis of “race” by political, economic, or legal institutions and systems.

I'm sure this is the point where you'll have a little angry fit about how 'definitions change' despite the fact these things are literally two different definitions entirely, because tumblr hates facts. (The Irish would like a word with you, about your belief that white people have never been institutionally discriminated against btw)

Assuming you haven't stormed off at this point, I'll humour you against my better judgement. Let me start with a question:

would you like to point out where I said OP said it was okay?

Literally all I said is that it's gross to make this shit a competition and minimize other peoples experiences (much like people in the notes are doing to mine because clearly they know more about my own experiences than I do!) based on your own, anecdotal ones and that the attitude of, and I quote directly from the op of the post: "I think skinny people who have never been fat should shut up about who gets body shamed more permanently" is gross as hell.

bet you if it said 'Fat people who have never been skinny' instead ya'll'd be throwing a goddamn fit over it bc it's a shitty sentiment to have - but because it's directed towards thin people, it's somehow okay. It's hypocritical as hell, and I repeat: it is not a fucking competition.

It's not 'worse' or 'better' on one side and the modern day pain olympics people try to compete in are tiring and abhorrent. Stop belittling other people to feel better about yourself. Telling thin people they don't have it as bad as you makes you just as shitty as the people bodyshaming them to begin with. How does telling people their feelings don't matter help anyone?

Stop making it a competition. Bodyshaming is shitty. Period. End of. You cannot measure suffering and it is so fucking petty and childish that people can't just say 'hey, it sucks that you get shamed for something about your body you may not be able to control - I understand how it feels, don't let it get you down.'

It costs literally zero dollars to just be kind to people no matter what size, shape, colour, or whatever. It's literally free. Literally all I have said is that people should just stop trying to one up each other like some sort of sick pain olympics and maybe be a little more compassionate to people who might understand their own hurt in a way that really is not that different.

[dandyshucks]

i will attempt to explain it and people are free (and welcome) to tell me if i'm misunderstanding or speaking out of turn! also I have troubles with tone in writing when I'm trying to be clear, so please read this all in as kind of a tone as possible - there is no bad judgement in any of my words here, nor am i meaning to be patronizing, and I apologize in advance if I come across that way!

(also disclaimer that there is infinite nuance to this situation and I cannot possibly cover all of it, but I feel like maaaybe this is a main theme that people are possibly missing, and that it's causing issues)

but I think what I am seeing is there are vaguely two sides in the selfship sphere - I have labelled them as the "community-builders" and the "scrapbookers" just for clarity's sake; this is not an attempt to divide ppl. the community-builders want to build community and connect and interact with each other. the scrapbookers are just here to post/rb about their F/O as if they're gluing photos and text into a scrapbook and that's it, they're not actively seeking a community for themselves.

both of these things are okay and fine! neither of these sides are bad or lesser in any way, they are just looking for different things in the time they spend on tumblr. (more under the cut bc it's a long post otherwise)

I think some of the issues are arising from community-builders assuming that scrapbookers are ALSO wanting community but just not putting the work in. so to community-builders, the scrapbookers appear as if they're expecting interaction without putting in any effort themselves, but I don't think that's the case. I think scrapbookers are just not looking for community the way that community-builders are - they want two different things from their experience in the selfship sphere!

I think there IS occasionally an issue where some people expect or beg for interaction without actually interacting with anyone themselves, but in that case it is best to block and move on OR let the person know directly (and kindly) that they should try to interact with others if they want interaction themselves.

unfortunately it seems like a lot of knowledge around community building and upkeep is not well-known in the present-day, because of [gestures vaguely at our current societal structure and the way social media functions now compared to how it used to etc etc etc]. so I do feel that posts encouraging people to interact with one another are good and helpful and sometimes even needed, but they are not applicable to the scrapbookers. I wonder sometimes if community-builders see scrapbookers having fun in their own little corner and assume that the they must want attention but aren't getting any, so we end up with an attempted rescue situation where community-builders make a "let's all interact more!" post to try to drum up interaction for the scrapbookers even though they aren't actually wanting that.

i know for myself, while I do enjoy the circle of friends and mutuals I've made, I am not super community-oriented. I interact with my mutuals and friends because I like to do so, and I also welcome in new friends and followers with open arms, but I am never expecting interaction and rarely actively seek it out. If my art gets notes, great! But that's simply a bonus for me personally. So to think that some people might look at 0 note posts of mine and think "oh that poor soul! they must be desperate for interaction! i have to do something about this!", that... feels a little silly and even a bit presumptuous on their part. I'm okay over here in my corner, I promise! :] I'm just here to have a space to love fictional characters, and I don't feel like I necessarily Want attention for that.

and to clarify! it is okay to want community, and to want interaction. we just have different wants and goals from our time here, that's all. neither of us are wrong for what we want and neither of us are better than the other - we just have different things we're looking for in this part of the internet, and that is okay :]

i keep seeing an argument of sorts floating around every couple of months and i think maybe the reason the argument is happening is because people are not realizing they want different things out of this all

[thegreatimpersonator]

the gaylor thing is so harmful because it shouldn’t even fucking matter, but it turned into this giant discourse that’s directly affecting so many different people in so many different ways… taylor herself, the men she’s seen with, the girls she’s seen with, young queers who might have felt safe in that particular community and are now feeling marginalised and attacked (my coming to terms with myself experience had a lot of “oh if they’re so aggressive about XX being gay, they’ll be just as aggressive with me” - like these are teenagers we’re talking about, literal children that may’ve found comfort in that part of the community, that felt validated and seen) ((i’m obviously excluding grown ass adults that keep pushing the gaylor agenda from this particular example)), just anyone who got/gets caught up in this fucked up narrative - it’s a mess

but the main thing for me is like who the fuck cares who taylor swift is fucking/has fucked!? that’s a weird thing to speculate on, it’s such an invasion of privacy, it’s literally no one’s business

-

i’m gay so every other song i listen to is gay (to me) sometimes.

like avril lavigne’s girlfriend… wow gayest song ever… TO ME!! when i’m singing it in the car with my friends having a laugh about my life and reminiscing about this girl i had a crush on in sixth form “hey hey you you i don’t like your girlfriend // hey hey you you i want to be your girlfriend”

in that moment, for me, it’s a song about three girls, about my situation and only that — which is completely okay and not at all harmful!!

it’s the same as when i’m jamming to ed sheeran’s “i don’t wanna know about your new man ‘cause if it was meant to be, you wouldn’t be calling me up trying to, cause i’m positive that he don’t wanna know about me” thinking about this bi girl who left me for a guy - ed obviously didn’t write this song to portray that story

like please, if i sing “i knew you dancing in your levi’s” about my masc ex gf or if my cousin sings it about a fuckboy from her uni, what’s the difference?? that’s what art’s all about..

for example, rwylm is my favourite song because it encapsulates perfectly how i feel about my depression: help! i’m stuck!! everybody has moved on and continues to do so but i have this giant weight holding me back!! in my head i’m still the same as i was at 23!! my friends and family have accomplished things, the world has moved on and i can’t figure out how to!! i’m right where happiness left me!!

i don’t interpret it as a relationship/breakup song at all, which was pretty blatantly written as.

my interpretation doesn’t harm anyone bc i don’t shove this perspective down anyone’s throat, nor do i state it to be the ultimate truth. i just use the song for catharsis and comfort.

taylor’s songwriting is very nuanced and that’s good art!! it’s good to have a broad audience that can relate to all these core feelings you’re emoting, each in their own way, but it’s just creepy to speculate about someone’s (a stranger’s!!!) sex life, queer or straight alike.

taylor’s songs can be gay… or they cannot. not because they were written that way, not because she is or isn’t queer, but because of the way everyone personally experiences it.

i wish this was the common ground in the fandom bc i’d love to publicly joke on my blog that “hits different is sooo having your first girlfriend after only dating boys” without people interpreting it as me claiming that taylor is a wlw and coming at me with death threats and (more often than not) homophobic narratives. it would literally just be a silly text post that some people might relate to, or find funny, simple as. it wouldn’t be me pushing someone’s sexuality, bc (1). i wouldn’t; (2). it’s not that deep (as seen by the many examples i shared)

personally i’d just love to listen to my gay little music (that’s not necessarily factually gay) and ramble about it with on my silly little blog to my little internet friends without it being a whole thing (tm) which gaylors have made

idk this is just a rant bc it makes me sad… everyone should be free to enjoy music as they wish and most importantly everyone should learn to not gamble/theorise on people’s sexuality - it’s frankly very unsettling

so!! many!!! good!! points!!! yes yes yes!!!

it's sooo weird to care about who taylor is with. it literally does not matter and it does have negative affects, she's said so herself.

i've only seen a few discussions about the negative affects this whole gaylor thing has had on people who are queer and obviously i cant speak to it, but i didnt even realize it could totally affect y'all negatively due to it's intensity, that makes total sense and could be really intimidating.

and what you said about those songs and your examples is so!! true!!! thats your interpretation and thats beautiful! it's yours and thats what makes the songs, or any art in general, come alive. you're making it your own and giving it meaning and depth with your own layered experience. that's unique and your painting it with your own colors! no one else has those exact colors! it's yours! and thats amazing!

a great example of how individual, personal experiences can make interpreting a song so much deeper and more meaningful, you saying you view rwylm about your personal experience with depression... i view it through my relationship with my anxiety and the trauma it's caused me! and that's so cool how 1 song can mean so many things like a relationship to a person, depression and anxiety? thats so magical and much more meaningful than just simply speculating about which of her exes its about...

[zhuhongs]

Ever since I watched Your Name Engraved Herein two weeks ago, I have wanted to talk about Jiahan as whole but in particular this scene right here that starts around the 40 minute mark. 

CW’s: discussion of religion, internalized homophobia, violent homophobia, choking, and lack of consent. Generally, the same cws as in the movie. 

Read more bc it’s uh.. 2.7k

all images are described in alt text

As soon as I watched this scene I just knew it had to be really significant and now rewatching YNEH, I realize that this is a major ideological turning point for Jiahan as a character. From this point on he slowly begins to accept that he’s gay and starts to consciously act on his feelings for Birdy. However, I must first add some context and insights on Jiahan’s prior behavior before I dive into this scene as a whole. At the beginning of the movie, we see that while Jiahan feels different from the rest of his roomates, he still sneaks out with them when they go hook up with girls, despite not showing any interest in the girl he’s with. He feels very different from the rest of his friends, but still goes along with them due to peer pressure. Later, he tries to dissuade them from violently hazing the gay student, Xie Zhenhong, (his name is never said in the film but it says so on his uniform shirt, and that what I’ll refer to him as for the rest of the post) but is reluctantly influenced to gang up on the student as well. He closes his eyes while he’s about to strike the bat down on the student, until Birdy rescues the student-- and Jiahan in a way-- from what is about to play out. After this, his friends accuse him of being in the same stall as Birdy (which he was) but he denies it, not wanting to explain why he was there and the ensuing taunting from his friends.

 While its obvious that Jiahan has feelings for Birdy, he isn’t confident enough to pursue them outright. Birdy is the more confident one in both their friendship and in his sexuality, not caring about how anyone perceives him and does what he wants regardless of the consequences. Jiahan is the one worried about societal stigma and goes along with things he doesn’t want to do. However after this encounter with the gay underclassman pictured above, Jiahan become more brave and honest about his feelings towards Birdy. Interestingly enough in the scene directly after this, Birdy begins to conceal his true feelings for Jiahan and pursue a straight relationship with Banban. He doesn’t do this hurt Jiahan, as he does reciprocate Jiahan’s feelings, but to discourage him from coming out and becoming a social pariah for being gay. Birdy himself doesn’t mind being an outcast, but he does not want to see the same thing happen to the one he loves. So instead of letting Jiahan do that, he tries to discourage Jiahan from ever pursuing him by getting a girlfriend and suggest Jiahan does the same. In the same day, both Jiahan and Birdy come to opposite realizations about their feelings for the other, thereby changing their dynamic for the course of the movie. Someone else has picked apart Birdy’s scene in their own post. If you haven’t read that analysis, please go read it, because its really good at explaining Birdy’s character since most of his story isn’t directly revealed to us. We must read inbetween the lines and piece it together, which can be confusing on a first watch.

Anyways, now we can focus on Jiahan. At this point in the movie, Jiahan is trying to understand why he’s upset that Birdy is showing interest in a girl in their band while dealing with his own internalized homophobia and denial over his sexuality. He then turns to the only out gay person he knows -- Xie Zhenhong, who he sees in the cafeteria with new bruises on his face. He looks at Jiahan with a smile. This makes me feel like Zhenhong probably picked up on Jiahan and Birdy’s feelings for each other since last year, when he saw them exit the same stall in the bathroom. Having been the Distinguished Out Person in a group before, I can definitely relate to the way Zhenhong reacts to Jiahan. It the typical “oh honey, you don’t realize it yet, but I know you’re gay” reaction. 

 Jiahan waits outside the cafeteria and calls out to out him from behind. At first Zhenhong ignores him as we can see that he smirks a bit when he first speaks. He definitely heard Jiahan but doesn’t answer him until he repeats himself a few times. Zhenhong purposely stops when the two are in front of the stained glass window, away from others. Jiahan’s word choice towards Zhenhong is also interesting as he addresses him as “學弟” which is a term for an underclassman. To my understanding, it’s not overly formal nor is it overly familiar, however it is the nicest way that anyone has addressed him all movie. Jiahan than asks him who gave him those bruises, showing concern for his well being. He then reveals why he stopped Zhenhong saying “Actually I want to ask you, when did you start liking boys?” This really seals the deal to Zhenhong that Jiahan is talking to him to try and sort out his own feelings towards Birdy. While his suggestion that Zhenhong perhaps “see a doctor” or “consider getting a girlfriend” read as a microaggression to most viewers, Zhenhong himself can tell that Jiahan is asking him this in good faith. And perhaps, this might be the most understanding anyone has been towards him since Birdy helped him out prior. Before he responds, he looks up at Jiahan and fixes his bangs. This all stumps Jiahan whose eyes dart around, speechless. Zhenhong then circles his arms around Jiahan’s neck, a very intimate gesture, and studies him for a moment. We cannot see Jiahan’s face at this moment but he does shuffle slightly, his body language nervous and confused, but not upset. After looking at him, Zhenhong then goes in closer, assumedly to kiss him. At this point, Jiahan physically stops him and grabs him by the throat. However, Jiahan’s face doesn’t seem to be angry, if anything, his face looks more scared and confused-- akin to a ‘what are you doing?’ moment.

Initially Zhenhong’s choice to kiss Jiahan read very...strangely to me. Why would the screenwriter, as a gay man that grew up in the 80’s, choose to include this? What was there to gain? To me it seemed like it was reinforcing the stereotype of gay men being overly flirtacious and viewed as predators. Why show a nonconsentual attempted kiss at all? I thought about it a lot, both for this scene and the following one with the old man and later between Jiahan and Birdy because it seemed?? Odd to me?? Isn’t that a disservice in representing gay men? I don’t fully have the right answer but I feel like by writing the scene like this, it goes to demonstrate how Jiahan still isn’t fully comfortable with being gay. And also that lgbt people, especially teens, aren’t always going to be good rep. Liu Kuang-hui wasn’t writing the movie to be an perfect, morally uplifting, santized gay narritive. He was writing something that spoke to his real life experience as a gay man in 1980’s Taiwan. In real life, people do questionable things and good narratives are supposed to make you question characters and their actions and judge for yourself whether what they did was right or wrong. The narrative isn’t looking to condemn Xie Zhenhong for doing this. Xie Zhenhong is ultimately a victim of violent homophobia, that will not hide himself or his sexuality despite the violence he faces. He isn’t perfect, nor is Jiahan, nor is Birdy, nor is anyone in the film. 

Although now having rewatched this scene upwards of eight times in writing this, it feels like Zhenhong didn’t assume this action to be without consent. Of course, no words were explicitly exchanged about kissing, and I’m not trying to make the case that it’s okay to kiss someone without their consent, that’s harassment. However, Zhenhong did gave Jiahan time to express his discomfort before proceeding. Zhenhong first got close to Jiahan by brushing his bangs, Jiahan did not say anything or look visibly uncomfortable. He then put his arms around Jiahan’s neck, and stared at him for a good ten seconds. At this point, Jiahan had time to say he was uncomfortable. As we know it, consent does indeed entail a verbal, understood yes from both parties. However given the context, I can understand why Zhenhong thought that Jiahan was consenting at that moment. However the moment Jiahan revoked his consent Zhenhong stopped trying to kiss him. Zhenhong shouldn’t have gone in without getting verbal consent, and Jiahan could’ve done something other than grabbing him by the throat. They were both in the wrong. Violence shouldn’t have been the reaction, nor should’ve kissing someone without their verbal consent. The lines were very blurred, and proper communication could’ve resulted in a better interaction but like I mentioned above, I don’t think the writers wanted to portray the scene in that way. The intent was not to say that Zhenhong’s actions were romantic or something to emulate. It was very purposeful in showing to interplay of homophobia, gay desire, and religion.

The scene is set up like a religious confession. Zhenhong purposefully leads Jiahan to the stained glass, a metaphor for his religious guilt. He doesn’t look Zhenhong in the eyes, his voice is hushed, and body language nervous, and troubled-- it communicates to Zhenhong that he thinks he may be gay and wants either reassurance that he isn’t or acceptance that is. Regardless, it’s a very vulnerable and intimate moment. Jiahan is facing him like ‘hey, I know my friends were bullying you and I wanted to save you but was too much of a coward and almost took part in harming you. I’m sorry. I know you saw that me and Birdy were in the same stall together, and that you saw me just telling him not to talk to the girls, and neither of those are heterosexual things to do. Please, help me.’ He’s asking Zhenhong to pass judgement on him, is he gay or not? By virtue of even asking that question, they both know the answer -- Jiahan is in love with Birdy, but whether Jiahan can accept that or not is up to him. In a way, Zhenhong is testing Jiahan to see how honest he can be with himself. By approaching him like that, he’s testing to see whether Jiahan can accept being intimate with a man or not. It’s not a good or ethical test, but it sure is effective. Because in his head, Jiahan is coming to realize that he doesn’t mind a man being close to him in a romantic way. Although, he isn’t fully there yet. He still grabs Zhenhong. But as Zhenhong stares at him despite the hand around his throat, Jiahan really has to think about his actions. Is that what he really wants to do, or is that what he’s been taught to do? It illustrates his internalized homophobia perfectly. Jiahan is literally staring gay desire in the face, rejecting it, while in front of his religion. Zhenhong finally answers Jiahan that “he has always loved boys since he was little, it’s never changed.” Upon hearing that his grip loosens and he pulls away. And the fact that we can hear him well means that Jiahan was never choking him, his hand was there, but not gripping. Zhenhong pulls him in closer and tilts his head, and says “and it never will.”  Zhenhong’s words are very deliberate. It’s as if he anticipated this might happen and knew exactly what to say. He wants to carve it in Jiahan’s brain that no one chooses to be gay. They always are and no amount of denial, like the kind Jiahan is showing, will change that. He then finally lets go of Jiahan, who is speechless, he thanks him, and leaves. Jiahan, however, stays there for a second, processing everything that has happened, and breathes heavily before the scene cuts to later that day.

Finally, I would like to examine exactly what Zhenhong’s “thanks” even means. Why would Zhenhong be thanking Jiahan? On the surface, it lookslike Jiahan waited for this guy to finish eating, then asked him invasive questions about his sexuality and suggest he should get help and then almost choked him. This should count as a microagression at best and an attempted hate crime at worst. But, as I just dived into, this wasn’t a bad faith jeer by Jiahan in order to bully Zhenhong, this was a genuine cry for help made by a deeply confused teenager. I feel like the “thanks.” at the end of the scene was perhaps just as puzzling to me as when I thought about why the staff would have that scene play out like that in the first place? I think his thanks is conveying many things. Firstly, thanking him for not actually hurting him and allowing him to have a semi normal interaction with a student of the same gender. As far as we know, many,  MANY different students have tried to hurt him in the new semester alone. Hell, we literally do not even know his name as everyone refers to him by the q slur or some other derogatory term, which speaks a lot to how he is treated. He also may be saying thanks for actually asking him about his sexuality. While Jiahan still followed it up with a suggestion he see a doctor, he still genuinely wanted to know why rather fully assume he has something wrong with him. Also, I feel like he might be thanking Jiahan for being brave enough to actually confront his sexualtiy and ask Zhenhong for help in the first place. Zhenhong really seems to be alone as the only gay student at the school but now knowing that Jiahan is realizing thathe’s gay as well, might make him be hopeful that things may slowly begin to change. Sadly, this interaction is the last time we see Xie Zhenhong all film which sucks because I really liked him. And I feel like it would’ve been really nice to see him after the time skip or at least have Jiahan mention him because this moment was one of the things that really made Jiahan start to accept his sexuality. A cut scene with Father Oliver also contributed, but I really wish Xie Zhenhong got more narrative than being the only out student that was then violently bullied. But, I acknowledge that MANY scenes were cut from the film for length so I can’t complain to much.

Oh god, that was a lot to say about a scene that was literally a minute and thirty seconds long. In conclusion!! I just had a lot of things to say about this scene and the scenes surrounding it. I think Jiahan is just a very painfully relatable character for many LGBT viewers and he was incredibly relatable for me which is why I felt the need to spend my day off writing this as opposed to doing homework. This scene is incredibly rich on many levels and I really appreciate YNEH as a whole for not spoonfeeding the viewer information and letting us interpret and question the scenes on our own and come to our own conclusions about the characters and yea. There’s so much going on and a lot of nuance and idk how to properly convey a lot of my thoughts but I tried really hard bc i really do love this movie. I really was puzzled by this scene at first, but now having examined it, it is my favorite scene in the movie. If this scene was changed in any way to make it more palatable, it would’ve been nearly as impactful which was a hard decision to come to, but I stand by it. I don’t know if I feel the same about other scenes but I will be reviewing YNEH as a whole in a different post. I have much more to say but my thoughts on this scene were far too long to not make it a separate post of its own. In essence, YNEH is about growing up and accepting yourself in all ways. Not all of those things are pleasant but if you cannot accept those things about yourself, you’re doomed to be miserable until you can live life unburdened by your own and societies limitations. Goodnight, my fingers hurt.