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heliiacus · 5 days

Text

of misery and company

tags: armin x reader, reader is scared to sleep, reader has constant nightmares, reader is implied to have ptsd, hurt/comfort, armin comes to the rescue, comforting armin, pre-relationship but can be interpreted however you wish, hyper-independent reader, reliance avoidance, reader is afraid of sleeping in the dark, cuddling, making tea as a love language

warnings: none, but mind the tags

Amidst a growing struggle to sleep because of incessant nightmares, Armin takes up arms to help you, just for this one night, get some much needed sleep. Consequences come abundant - not disastrous, and not terrible, but consequences nonetheless. Or the one in which you learn that, perhaps, just this once, you can trust someone to help you.

word count: 3.7k

Though you do not notice, your hands shake as you hold the phone. It's a delicate shaking, more a tremble than anything else.

It didn't start out like this. At least, you don't think it did. Early morning, as you woke slowly from your sleep, you'd found your screen lit up with his name, and therein was an odd feeling within you as you picked up without a thought; of something tugging, harshly and painfully, at your heart. The two of you had just talked. School this, plans that. He had a question about your project. That was all it was.

And when you do finally notice, knuckles white as you try to keep your phone steady, you are glad Armin is not here to witness it. You are glad he doesn't know. This is private, after all. You don’t mean to burden him, after all.

But he does, you soon find. You do not know how, but he does.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" You hear him ask through the call, voice firm and unwavering, quiet in its warmth. He does that, though you think he does not notice; his voice grows smooth when he is worried, tone evening into a softer cadence, as if he were approaching some animal, spooked and scared.

You open your mouth. Of course, yes, you are. Of course you are. And those words sit still by the edge of your tongue. Just say it, you tell yourself. They’re just words.

But your hands shake. And you can't wrestle yourself out of this feeling: of dread, of a kneeling, horrible viper in your stomach; and beneath it, writhing quietly, a fear of a wretched sort.

"Not really," you admit then truthfully, and you are almost surprised when you hear just how tired, how defeated you sound. And once those two words are out, you feel it: the ache in your bones, the exhaustion, and the tiny, sad urge to reach outwards, to grasp onto something, anything, and then to keep it close. "I’m really tired," you admit then, clasping the phone in a hard grip. “I haven't been sleeping well this week."

"Nightmares?" Armin asks gently, and you have to close your eyes momentarily, holding back the hot tears that his tone threatens to bring out of you. You hum in response, unable to form words. "How bad?"

"Very," you manage, just barely, and you think you hear it now, in what Armin had heard your misery: not the trembling of your hands, but of your voice. "Sorry," you add quickly, and then, even more shaken: “I woke up recently, so I’m still a mess."

“I understand," he tells you immediately, "I’m sorry, Y/N. How long has it been going on?" And his voice turns gentler, somehow. Quieter. With your exhaustion, it could lull you to sleep – if you'd let it.

"Close to two weeks, I think," you tell him weakly, though it's felt like an eternity.

You hear him sigh, the sound light and sad and trembling in a way that makes your chest ache. “I didn't even notice," he says demurely, quietly, and you try to think of an answer, of words that would flatten the guilt out of his tone, but you lay there silently, unable to think of any. It is then that he speaks again, his words treading even more carefully: "Has anything helped?"

“I don't think so," you answer truthfully, and you wish you had the guts to just lie to him. "I've been, uh.. Well you know. Soothing videos, teas, and the like. I think even talking it out in therapy sort of made it worse." You sigh. “I don't know. I’m sure it will go away. I’m just tired, and, well, uh.." You trail off, feeling like you've said too much already. It makes you grow silent, wishing the words back, knowing he will ask now.

"What is it, honey?" And the words that leave him are so gentle, so careful, you have no choice but to tell him; clutching your phone so hard you are sure your knuckles have grown translucent.

"It's stupid,” you begin, “but I’m starting to get this feeling, like I’m afraid to go to sleep. Each night, I mean. I lie down and there's just this anxiety, and I.." You sigh. "I’m sure it will be fine, eventually."

Another silence passes between the two of you, this one shorter, more poignant; you could tell when Armin wordlessly demanded a moment to think. You are glad to grant it, despite the trembling that is slowly returning to you.

"Earlier, um," he begins, his voice so quiet it feels almost sheepish. Discomforted. Sad, you realise belatedly. "You told me that another person's presence calms down the nightmares. Do you think we should try that? Maybe I can help."

You are quiet, words mulling over and over in your head, and immediately you feel shame. How desperately you want to accept his help; how achingly soothing it is that he even offered. That he remembered.

“I don't want to overstep," he tells you hurriedly, taking your silence for discomfort, and you have to fight, ruefully, to hold your tears back again.

“I don't want to burden you," you admit to him, and then you open your mouth again, your words soon eclipsed by his own quick, helpless admission.

“I don't want to leave you by yourself like this," he tells you openly, worry seeping into each word now, unheld and unabashed. "You're always alone through this, it's not right," he continues, and you feel the edges of the phone dig into your palm. "Let me help you, Y/N. Please."

You don't think. You don't hesitate, or you don't allow yourself to. You just open your mouth, and, finally, you say: "Okay."

You don't miss the look he gives you, stepping over the threshold into your home. Like caught in the headlights, or watching roadkill; or both all at once. It is brief and painful, and then you are in his arms, the embrace so warm and soft it almost lulls you to sleep right then and there.

“I brought snacks," he says into your hair.

“I know."

“I truly don't mean to be a nuisance," you begin come evening, and by way of Armin's shoulders tightening into a thin line, you can tell he had anticipated it. You bar yourself from crying at this. You feel unsteady, weighed by a force you can't seem to shake off your frame, and even now you are unsure if you're saying the right thing. “I just, I feel bad. You.." You trail off, pointedly distracted by the look in his eyes as they rise to meet yours. There is an odd quality to them now, something almost sharp, almost desperate.

You regret having said a thing, and though the feeling is horrid, heavy, and true, it is short-lived; killed off by his hand brushing at your hair, then folding, ever so gently, a strand behind your ear. The strand relents, but only for a moment, falling right back into its place a moment after.

"That's enough, Y/N." he says finitely, a gentleness seeping through him to you. "You're tired. I’m just here to help. Okay?"

It is hard to agree, but you do, swallowing your words; nodding wordlessly. He does not seem convinced by it, but he says nothing; opting, instead, to stand and drag you to the kitchen.

He picks a pink mug for you. He knows where to find chamomile tea, grasping it blindly.

You stand, hips leaning into the counter, and watch as he makes the two of you tea. You wish you could calm yourself; or rid yourself of the need to apologise, at least.

"You're staring," he says, not looking your way as he pours the water.

"I’m fascinated," you quip half-heartedly. "Very poignant tea-making."

"Ha ha," he replies dryly, smiling your way. "Tell me, then. What's so fascinating?"

"You chose my favourite mug," you tell him, finding that the words leave you without your permission.

"Of course."

"And my favourite tea."

"Of course. The only tea you drink, you mean."

“I drink other teas!" You rebut, indignant, though he is, of course, correct.

"Oh yes, the green tea you drink once a year," he laughs, and you laugh with him, though yours is softer; wilted, almost. "Y/N," he begins then, turning to you, tea steaming at his side. “I can tell by your look. If you apologise again, I will whack you with this spoon."

You smile at him, the gesture sheepish. “I can't help it," you tell him earnestly, and laugh again when he raises the spoon.

"How is it," he asks then, putting the threatening spoon back in its place, "that you ask for help so easily when it's something practical? School work, writing, you've had me fix your laptop - hell, your washing machine." He looks at you. "But as soon as it's something like this, something to do with a drop of emotions, it's like you become a different person." He finishes quietly, and you are struck, momentarily, by how sad he sounds as he says it.

You can't help it. Your gaze falls, and your arms wrap around your frame protectively.

"You didn't even ask for help," he continues, quieter, gentler, as if trying not to spook you. “I asked you, no, I put it on you before you could even ask for anything. You didn't make me do anything." He steps closer to you, and you fight the urge to close your eyes just as much as you fight the need for him to close his arms around you. "There is nothing for you to feel so guilty over."

"I’m just scared," you admit to him, blurt it out, really, and then you meet his gaze; you grow speechless then, stunned at the depth of warmth in it. It pulls words out of you. "I’m scared of them. The nightmares. I’m scared of what caused them. I think it just, inadvertently, makes me scared of you, when I’m like this." You close your eyes momentarily, trying to steady your breathing. "This doesn't make sense. Sorry."

"It makes perfect sense," he says firmly, brows furrowed in worry. His gaze digs into you, urging you to continue.

“I just.. I don't know. I do grow into a different person. I get scared and guilty, when I need help. I try to do things my way. Power through. Rationalise. It's not normal for me, for someone to up and say 'I can tell you're suffering, let me come and help you'. It's just not."

Your voice shakes. You can't read the look on his face. In moments, he steps closer, his hand rising and curling around your cheek. His thumb swipes at the skin, wet and warm. How horrible, you think briefly; you didn't even notice you are crying.

"I'll stay and help. Okay?" He murmurs quietly, hand gentle at your cheek.

"Okay," you say, the word shaky and unstable in your throat.

"Can I hug you?" Armin asks you, delicately, almost warily, and you cry then; really, truly cry.

“Please," you say, and before the word is finished, you are burrowed in his chest, your head held tightly in his hand, and here, for just a brief moment, you can let go.

"Try to focus on this," he says quietly, leaning his shoulder into yours, the show blaring softly in the background.

He offered you to talk about your nightmares, just once; he'd tried to talk to you about the reason why. Neither of the conversations worked, and so he'd settled into distracting you. You tried, in turn, to comply, to entertain the distraction, but in the end it is him, and him alone, leaning into you, finding your hand and squeezing it once in every while, looking at you with that expression, that manages to soothe you, each time, without exception.

"How are you feeling?" He asks you, handing you another mug of tea and you soon find that he has managed to make it a perfect, lukewarm temperature.

"Tired," you admit, smiling at him weakly, and you watch as he sits down next to you, your eyes meeting at a level now.

"You could maybe take a nap?" He offers, taking your hand in his. “I know you don't like to nap, but you don't need to entertain me if you're tired. I want you to get some rest."

“I know," you tell him, squeezing his hand, and then you revel in the way he squeezes back.

"Oh, nap time?" He asks gently, smiling at you as you squint at him through your exhaustion, and on your third, heavy blink, you realize that you have nearly dozed off on his shoulder.

“Shut it,” you say, settling into his side, and his laughter lulls you to sleep.

And so it continues, from lunch to dark. He rubs your back occasionally. He chats you up with tiny knick-knacks of a conversation. He watches you almost hawkishly, tentatively offering help or kind little words. Here, in your state, it almost feels like he's cradling you, watching over you in ways no one's been allowed to before. But he is. Of course he is. And he knows it, too; so he takes the opportunity and helps you in every which way he knows how: holding you gently in his hands, ensuring you know you are safe and cared for now; soothing you, over and over, to try and take the horrors off your mind, and to finally tell you: "You will never be alone again."

You do not believe him, of course. Not fully. But there are parts of you that are too tired to fight it, too tired to lean back and reassess and tell yourself that you need to step the hell away. You are tired. Too tired. So instead, unlike you should, you lean into his hold, and you let him ease you, and you repeat those words of his to yourself, again, and again, and again.

By the time the sun has set, you have no more tension in your bones. You laugh; warily, but you do, open-mouthed and loud, and then you turn over and laugh harder as Armin continues with his story. It is all you have in you anymore, save for the buzzing in your muscles and the exhaustion in your chest.

And there's this look he gives you. Wary, and kind, and bright in a way that makes you feel loved. It is only when you sigh heavily, tiredly, that the wariness overtakes it, that he tells you that the two of you should likely head to bed soon.

"We should," you agree, nodding, feeling your hair curl around your temples.

He offers you more tea as you head to get ready, and while you decline, you do not stop yourself from teasing him about it.

"It's the least I can do," he tells you, sheepish and shrugging his shoulders, and he smiles when you laugh.

"Far from the least," you tell him, and you turn for the washroom.

You find your nightlight turned on when you come back into the bedroom, and though you know you shouldn't be, you still find yourself surprised at the sight. Armin would never forget it; you know he would not, even if it was just once, just this one long evening in which you had confided, briefly, that you are afraid of the dark. And yet still, he remembered, and you are happy that he did; you are humbled, perhaps, or touched in a way that makes you feel like bursting into tears right then and there.

"Ready?" He asks, and you feel incredulous, almost uncomfortable as you watch him fluff your pillow. You make an indignant sound at the sight, and he shakes his head at you, laughing and finishing the job. Perhaps it is the oddity of the gesture, or the culmination of all the coddling he's done to you throughout the day, but this, too, has you holding back tears; this, too, has your heart unwinding, falling apart at its seams.

"Thank you," you answer with a finality, standing stock still at the foot of the bed, and he looks at you, just briefly; his eyes flit away from you, but then he looks at you again - longer this time, lingering and watching you with that sad look in his eyes.

You know he means to say something, something long and winded and perhaps morose, but instead you watch as he swallows it, and then you watch as he smiles at you, patting his hand at your side of the bed. "Hop on in, Y/N. It's time to sleep," he tells you, and you do.

And you laugh ardently then, his own laughter following suit, as his hands tug expertly at your blanket to tuck you in; you'd expected it, by this point, but it still amuses you. And he just smiles at you.

When he is done, he stays there, close to you, inches away from you; in case you need him - you know that now.

"Are you comfortable?" He finally asks you, and it feels lighter than you think he intended it to be, and in turn you smile at him, weak and earnest, your hand curling next to his.

"Snug as a bug in a rug," you reply, and you feel a finger of his curl around a finger of yours.

"One hell of a rug," he replies, grin lopsided, and, watching it, you try not to think of the nightmares, of the fears, of the trauma; you take his hand in yours, and a moment after you let it go, pulling yourself closer to him. His arms encircle your frame in mere moments, the hold taut and careful, and then you can feel him breathe into your hair.

"Don't be afraid," he whispers to you, his hands at your back, pulling you closer still, and there is a brief moment in which you fervently wish you could bottle this feeling; if not for safekeeping if not for hoarding, then for it to stand guard upon your windowsill, keeping you safe from the nightmares forevermore. "I’m right here," he continues, and you feel just how warm he is against you. "Nothing will hurt you. You'll just sleep. It's okay."

You didn't have to ask him to soothe you; you didn't have to ask him for anything at all. Inexplicably, he knew, just like he knew all of you; just like you, perhaps, knew all of him. You find your hands in his shirt, and you can smell him again, this up-close; a sweet vanilla, so gentle it soothes you, so gentle it makes your last wall crumble.

"Tell me you'll keep me safe," you plead with him, words so quiet you'd be surprised he heard them at all. And he does. You know he does, even when your hands go slack, even when your mind goes blank; you know the words echo in your room, even if you do not hear them.

When you wake, it is quiet, and yet you know that Armin is awake. By his heart, you think; a delicate staccato that repeats over and over in your ear, so clear you can hear the echo of it, reverberating in his chest.

You find his hand in your hair, then, as your breathing deepens. He caresses it; gently. Slowly. "Sleep some more," he whispers to you, and you close your eyes, and then you do.

When you wake a second time, you almost expect to be alone, and yet you find yourself in his arms still; his heart the same, singing rhythm. A sound escapes you, a groan as you crawl from the depths of sleep, and you hear him chuckle in response.

"Morning," you say tiredly, rubbing your face into his shirt.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," he tells you jovially, then, more quietly, more gently, he asks: "How did you sleep?"

"Good," you say with a longing sigh; then: "Great," you add, and then you look at him, your sight hazy, and even then you can see his expression soften, brighten. You smile at him, and he smiles back. "No nightmares. No dreams."

"Told you," he grins again, and you grin back.

The third time you wake, you find yourself disoriented, clutching tightly at your teddy bear. Armin's hand is on your shoulder, careful and gentle, and you can hear his voice.

You groan again, trying to shake off the sleepiness, and then you feel the weight of the bed shift, and Armin's sat next to you.

“I fell asleep again," you say, yawning. You wake quicker now, looking at Armin, and there is this easy, endearing smile on him, one so warm it makes your heart skip a beat. "Sorry. I was still so tired," you admit to him, and you close your eyes briefly, just briefly, when you feel his hand curl into your hair.

"It's alright," he tells you softly, caressing your hair so gently that it almost hurts. "Rest as much as you need, Y/N."

You try to find the words, but instead you simply hum in response; and him you find quiet, sitting by your side. Still he strokes your hair, so softly that it soothes you, all of you, from bone to sinew. And it is so warm. So incredibly intimate. You think you should be discomforted by it, but you are so tired, you are so sore from the pain your mind has wrought upon you, that you simply allow it. You let it soothe you, you let it keep you calm and warm and loved, if only just for this exact, precise moment.

“I can stay tonight, too. If you'll need me," you hear him say quietly, his voice warm in your chest, his hand careful in your hair, and then it strikes you: how close he is to you. Not just here, right now, sat at your side, but in ways that you have never considered before, never allowed before, save for the long, harrowing, and failed first attempts at this exact thing, so many years ago.

You would have said no. You would have said he's done enough. But things have shifted now, have they not? Uncontrollably so. And there is not much to do about it now, and were you in different hands, you would have, perhaps, been afraid. But you're not.

And so you wordlessly pull your bear towards you, flush and tight against your chest. You nod, ever so slightly, into his hand. And you tell him: "Okay."

dividers by saradika and benkeibear

tag list: @arlerts-angel @levistealeaf @sukunascrustyfinger

@chiinni @nilaaaas @ryoiii

@dilfkentolover @arminarlertssword @bel-https

@layla240 @katestrophes @rrsltt

@siiyoko @lemontrees-things @arminarlertspersonalnurse

@strscollide @girlybelle @blvewave

@inbry @jojosbizzarewife @drinklavalamps

@minminlert

reblogs are dearly appreciated, darlings 💗

a/n: this one was among the older fics i'd roughly edited here and there, so please forgive the rougher style of writing ! likewise, a sister fic to this will be released, eventually, in which reader takes care of armin instead (and tea stays as a love language)

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sweetbbyshion · 2 months

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untitled

-> Toji Fushiguro x Reader (gender neutral)

characters: Toji Fushiguro

genre: fluff

summary: uni has been stressing you out and your boyfriend is as tired

warnings: established relationship, age gap, this was written while i was stressing over assessments and i just needed a big strong sexy man to make me take a break, might be ooc

network: @eveningatthemoviesnetwork

Toji thinks he might smash his head against the wall if he hears you sigh loudly one more time. He turns his body on the couch to peek at you, hunching over a bunch of papers at the kitchen table. He can see two word documents opened on your laptop, one full of words and the other still blank. Next to it, his laptop that you begged to use has google opened and he can vaguely see the numerous windows in the tab. You sigh again, like you have been in the past hour, and drop your head on your arms.

Toji has no idea what you’re doing. He guesses it must be some university project but the calendar displayed on the fridge doesn't have an exam coming up soon. He gets up from the couch and makes his way to you. He puts his hand on the back of the chair, leaning down a bit and squinting his eyes to look at the tiny words on the laptop. Toji feels a bit too dumb when he doesn't understand all of the fancy words you used but your boyfriend can tell you're writing your interpretation of a poem.

“You need to start wearing your glasses.” you murmur, looking at the older man, your head lazily resting on your hand, as he keeps squinting. He scoffs, Toji would never wear those ugly glasses he got. It makes him look stupid, even after the amount of times you denied it and no matter how many times you sloppily made out with him wherever he wore those horrible glasses, a fire suddenly lighting you up when you saw the frames on his face. “Don't come complaining when your head starts hurting again.”

“What you got there that got you stressing out so much?” He decides to ignore your comment, changing the subject to the reason for your stress.

You sigh once more, resting your head on his forearm. “Gotta start writing one of my assessments for one of my classes. The professor is making us write about everything we’ve learned in class with our opinions and academic research to support it. It absolutely sucks and I wanna drop out.” you ramble. Toji’s chuckle has you frowning, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing. How about you take a break?” As good as that sounds, you shake your head denying his proposal. “Take a break. Not asking. Sit on the couch with me and relax for a bit.” His tone suggests that you would probably regret your decision if you choose to go against him.

Reluctantly, you get up from the uncomfortable chair and stretch your arms above your head. You feel your back crack from being in the same position for so long and you just want to lay in bed and sleep. Toji places his hands on your hips where the shirt isn't covering, squeezing the flesh as he pulls you a bit closer to him and you throw your arms around his shoulders as you sway a bit from side to side. Toji smiles a little when he hears you giggling, happy that you stopped sighing and stressing for a little bit. “ Should I be an old man’s sugar baby? I’ll share the money with you.” You tease, planting a kiss on his cheek. Toji rolls his eyes at your teasing tone. You lean back a little to look at the man, his big hands placed on your back to support your weight. “I'm starting to think you have a type. Like old men that much, doll?”

“Only one.” You reply, playing with the soft ends of his hair that are almost reaching his shoulders. “Unfortunately my old man isn't a billionaire that will give me a yatch for my birthday.” You press a small kiss to his lips. “I can't complain much though, my boyfriend is really sexy.”

Your boyfriend arches a brow, smirking at your remarks. “Yeah? What can I do to steal you away from that grandpa?” You pretend to think for a bit, a small pout appearing on your lips that Toji wants to kiss away more than anything. “Cuddle with me on the couch and watch a few episodes of a crappy reality show before I start feeling bad and go back to my assessment?”

Toji thinks for a bit. He wants you to relax for a while before you (and himself) go crazy with the constant sighing but you have a gift for choosing horrible shows that have Toji wanting nothing more than to punch the TV. Your boyfriend knows he can’t deny your request when he looks at you and you’re staring right back at him. Even if he had it in him to refuse your proposal, your tired eyes and the way you’re looking at him with so much adoration is enough for Toji to pull you to the couch.

You sit as close to him as you can and pull his arm to wrap around your shoulders. You snuggle comfortably on his side while pressing a few kisses on his jaw and neck that make Toji get goosebumps. This time, he doesn't act all dramatic like he usually does when you’re this close to him. He doesn't tease you or calls you clingy while playfully pushing you away just to watch you crawl back to him. This time, Toji lets you push and pull him until you’re comfortable. He doesn't even complain when he sees you open netflix and select a reality show with a weird name and an obnoxious couple on the cover.

Toji thinks all of this is worth it when you place a small kiss on his cheek and whisper “I love you” before falling asleep five minutes after in his arms.

#kora posts!#toji fushiguro #toji x reader #toji fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro fluff #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x y/n

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fireflysummers · 5 months

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Heroes, Gods, and the Invisible Narrator

Slay the Princess as a Framework for the Cyclical Reproduction of Colonialist Narratives in Data Science & Technology

An Essay by FireflySummers

All images are captioned.

Content Warnings: Body Horror, Discussion of Racism and Colonialism

Spoilers for Slay the Princess (2023) by @abby-howard and Black Tabby Games.

If you enjoy this article, consider reading my guide to arguing against the use of AI image generators or the academic article it's based on.

Introduction: The Hero and the Princess

You're on a path in the woods, and at the end of that path is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin is a Princess. You're here to slay her. If you don't, it will be the end of the world.

Slay the Princess is a 2023 indie horror game by Abby Howard and published through Black Tabby Games, with voice talent by Jonathan Sims (yes, that one) and Nichole Goodnight.

The game starts with you dropped without context in the middle of the woods. But that’s alright. The Narrator is here to guide you. You are the hero, you have your weapon, and you have a monster to slay.

From there, it's the player's choice exactly how to proceed--whether that be listening to the voice of the narrator, or attempting to subvert him. You can kill her as instructed, or sit and chat, or even free her from her chains.

It doesn't matter.

Regardless of whether you are successful in your goal, you will inevitably (and often quite violently) die.

And then...

You are once again on a path in the woods.

The cycle repeats itself, the narrator seemingly none the wiser. But the woods are different, and so is the cabin. You're different, and worse... so is she.

Based on your actions in the previous loop, the princess has... changed. Distorted.

Had you attempted a daring rescue, she is now a damsel--sweet and submissive and already fallen in love with you.

Had you previously betrayed her, she has warped into something malicious and sinister, ready to repay your kindness in full.

But once again, it doesn't matter.

Because the no matter what you choose, no matter how the world around you contorts under the weight of repeated loops, it will always be you and the princess.

Why? Because that’s how the story goes.

So says the narrator.

So now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about data.

Chapter I: Echoes and Shattered Mirrors

The problem with "data" is that we don't really think too much about it anymore. Or, at least, we think about it in the same abstract way we think about "a billion people." It's gotten so big, so seemingly impersonal that it's easy to forget that contemporary concept of "data" in the west is a phenomenon only a couple centuries old [1].

This modern conception of the word describes the ways that we translate the world into words and numbers that can then be categorized and analyzed. As such, data has a lot of practical uses, whether that be putting a rover on mars or tracking the outbreak of a viral contagion. However, this functionality makes it all too easy to overlook the fact that data itself is not neutral. It is gathered by people, sorted into categories designed by people, and interpreted by people. At every step, there are people involved, such that contemporary technology is embedded with systemic injustices, and not always by accident.

The reproduction of systems of oppression are most obvious from the margins. In his 2019 article As If, Ramon Amaro describes the Aspire Mirror (2016): a speculative design project by by Joy Buolamwini that contended with the fact that the standard facial recognition algorithm library had been trained almost exclusively on white faces. The simplest solution was to artificially lighten darker skin-tones for the algorithm to recognize, which Amaro uses to illustrate the way that technology is developed with an assumption of whiteness [2].

This observation applies across other intersections as well, such as trans identity [3], which has been colloquially dubbed "The Misgendering Machine" [4] for its insistence on classifying people into a strict gender binary based only on physical appearance.

This has also popped up in my own research, brought to my attention by the artist @b4kuch1n who has spoken at length with me about the connection between their Vietnamese heritage and the clothing they design in their illustrative work [5]. They call out AI image generators for reinforcing colonialism by stripping art with significant personal and cultural meaning of their context and history, using them to produce a poor facsimile to sell to the highest bidder.

All this describes an iterative cycle which defines normalcy through a white, western lens, with a limited range of acceptable diversity. Within this cycle, AI feeds on data gathered under colonialist ideology, then producing an artifact that reinforces existing systemic bias. When this data is, in turn, once again fed to the machine, that bias becomes all the more severe, and the range of acceptability narrower [2, 6].

Luciana Parisi and Denise Ferreira da Silva touch on a similar point in their article Black Feminist Tools, Critique, and Techno-poethics but on a much broader scale. They call up the Greek myth of Prometheus, who was punished by the gods for his hubris for stealing fire to give to humanity. Parisi and Ferreira da Silva point to how this, and other parts of the “Western Cosmology” map to humanity’s relationship with technology [7].

However, while this story seems to celebrate the technological advancement of humanity, there are darker colonialist undertones. It frames the world in terms of the gods and man, the oppressor and the oppressed; but it provides no other way of being. So instead the story repeats itself, with so-called progress an inextricable part of these two classes of being. This doesn’t bode well for visions of the future, then–because surely, eventually, the oppressed will one day be the machines [7, 8].

It’s… depressing. But it’s only really true, if you assume that that’s the only way the story could go.

“Stories don't care who takes part in them. All that matters is that the story gets told, that the story repeats. Or, if you prefer to think of it like this: stories are a parasitical life form, warping lives in the service only of the story itself.” ― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

Chapter II: The Invisible Narrator

So why does the narrator get to call the shots on how a story might go? Who even are they? What do they want? How much power do they actually have?

With the exception of first person writing, a lot of the time the narrator is invisible. This is different from an unreliable narrator. With an unreliable narrator, at some point the audience becomes aware of their presence in order for the story to function as intended. An invisible narrator is never meant to be seen.

In Slay the Princess, the narrator would very much like to be invisible. Instead, he has been dragged out into the light, because you (and the inner voices you pick up along the way), are starting to argue with him. And he doesn’t like it.

Despite his claims that the princess will lie and cheat in order to escape, as the game progresses it’s clear that the narrator is every bit as manipulative–if not moreso, because he actually knows what’s going on. And, if the player tries to diverge from the path that he’s set before them, the correct path, then it rapidly becomes clear that he, at least to start, has the power to force that correct path.

While this is very much a narrative device, the act of calling attention to the narrator is important beyond that context.

The Hero’s Journey is the true monomyth, something to which all stories can be reduced. It doesn’t matter that the author, Joseph Campbell, was a raging misogynist whose framework flattened cultures and stories to fit a western lens [9, 10]. It was used in Star Wars, so clearly it’s a universal framework.

The metaverse will soon replace the real world and crypto is the future of currency! Never mind that the organizations pushing it are suspiciously pyramid shaped. Get on board or be left behind.

Generative AI is pushed as the next big thing. The harms it inflicts on creatives and the harmful stereotypes it perpetuates are just bugs in the system. Never mind that the evangelists for this technology speak over the concerns of marginalized people [5]. That’s a skill issue, you gotta keep up.

Computers will eventually, likely soon, advance so far as to replace humans altogether. The robot uprising is on the horizon [8].

Who perpetuates these stories? What do they have to gain?

Why is the only story for the future replications of unjust systems of power? Why must the hero always slay the monster?

Because so says the narrator. And so long as they are invisible, it is simple to assume that this is simply the way things are.

Chapter III: The End...?

This is the part where Slay the Princess starts feeling like a stretch, but I’ve already killed the horse so I might as well beat it until the end too.

Because what is the end result here?

According to the game… collapse. A recursive story whose biases narrow the scope of each iteration ultimately collapses in on itself. The princess becomes so sharp that she is nothing but blades to eviscerate you. The princess becomes so perfect a damsel that she is a caricature of the trope. The story whittles itself away to nothing. And then the cycle begins anew.

There’s no climactic final battle with the narrator. He created this box, set things in motion, but he is beyond the player’s reach to confront directly. The only way out is to become aware of the box itself, and the agenda of the narrator. It requires acknowledgement of the artificiality of the roles thrust upon you and the Princess, the false dichotomy of hero or villain.

Slay the Princess doesn’t actually provide an answer to what lies outside of the box, merely acknowledges it as a limit that can be overcome.

With regards to the less fanciful narratives that comprise our day-to-day lives, it’s difficult to see the boxes and dichotomies we’ve been forced into, let alone what might be beyond them. But if the limit placed is that there are no stories that can exist outside of capitalism, outside of colonialism, outside of rigid hierarchies and oppressive structures, then that limit can be broken [12].

Denouement: Doomed by the Narrative

Video games are an interesting artistic medium, due to their inherent interactivity. The commonly accepted mechanics of the medium, such as flavor text that provides in-game information and commentary, are an excellent example of an invisible narrator. Branching dialogue trees and multiple endings can help obscure this further, giving the player a sense of genuine agency… which provides an interesting opportunity to drag an invisible narrator into the light.

There are a number of games that have explored the power differential between the narrator and the player (The Stanley Parable, Little Misfortune, Undertale, Buddy.io, OneShot, etc…)

However, Slay the Princess works well here because it not only emphasizes the artificial limitations that the narrator sets on a story, but the way that these stories recursively loop in on themselves, reinforcing the fears and biases of previous iterations.

Critical data theory probably had nothing to do with the game’s development (Abby Howard if you're reading this, lmk). However, it works as a surprisingly cohesive framework for illustrating the ways that we can become ensnared by a narrative, and the importance of knowing who, exactly, is narrating the story. Although it is difficult or impossible to conceptualize what might exist beyond the artificial limits placed by even a well-intentioned narrator, calling attention to them and the box they’ve constructed is the first step in breaking out of this cycle.

“You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage.” ― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

Epilogue

If you've read this far, thank you for your time! This was an adaptation of my final presentation for a Critical Data Studies course. Truthfully, this course posed quite a challenge--I found the readings of philosophers such as Kant, Adorno, Foucault, etc... difficult to parse. More contemporary scholars were significantly more accessible. My only hope is that I haven't gravely misinterpreted the scholars and researchers whose work inspired this piece.

I honestly feel like this might have worked best as a video essay, but I don't know how to do those, and don't have the time to learn or the money to outsource.

Slay the Princess is available for purchase now on Steam.

Screencaps from ManBadassHero Let's Plays: [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]

Post Dividers by @cafekitsune

Citations:

Rosenberg, D. (2018). Data as word. Historical Studies in the Natural Sciences, 48(5), 557-567.

Amaro, Ramon. (2019). As If. e-flux Architecture. Becoming Digital. https://www.e-flux.com/architecture/becoming-digital/248073/as-if/

What Ethical AI Really Means by PhilosophyTube

Keyes, O. (2018). The misgendering machines: Trans/HCI implications of automatic gender recognition. Proceedings of the ACM on human-computer interaction, 2(CSCW), 1-22.

Allred, A.M., Aragon, C. (2023). Art in the Machine: Value Misalignment and AI “Art”. In: Luo, Y. (eds) Cooperative Design, Visualization, and Engineering. CDVE 2023. Lecture Notes in Computer Science, vol 14166. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-43815-8_4

Amaro, R. (2019). Artificial Intelligence: warped, colorful forms and their unclear geometries.

Parisisi, L., Ferreira da Silva, D. Black Feminist Tools, Critique, and Techno-poethics. e-flux. Issue #123. https://www.e-flux.com/journal/123/436929/black-feminist-tools-critique-and-techno-poethics/

AI - Our Shiny New Robot King | Sophie from Mars by Sophie From Mars

Joseph Campbell and the Myth of the Monomyth | Part 1 by Maggie Mae Fish

Joseph Campbell and the N@zis | Part 2 by Maggie Mae Fish

How Barbie Cis-ified the Matrix by Jessie Gender

#slay the princess #stp spoilers #stp #stp princess #abby howard #black tabby games #academics #critical data studies #computer science #technology #hci #my academics #my writing #long post

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eldritch-spouse · 1 month

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Shags get obsessed with a girl that works at an art store where he gets his supplies. She's laid back and chit-chats with him about any projects he's working on.

[Okay but what if you had a really strange thing going on?]

You like this little freak.

Yeah, okay, that's a bit of a mean thing to say. But can you be blamed? There's no word that fits him more aptly than freak. Not even in the physical sense, there's a lot of variety in mushroom monsters, you know some of them can be tall and gangly like Shags. He's just bizarre.

The way he speaks, moves, conducts himself. You swear, not a single mannerism this monster makes feels natural or reflexive. Even the way he seems to intensely wait and make himself an obstacle until you initiate conversation with him... God, even the fucking topics of conversation, it's like he makes an effort to speak in riddles.

In this rather boring dead-end of a job, seeing this weirdo bend and squeeze through the doors like Samara about to crawl out of the TV is the highlight of your shift.

That's why he's your favorite client.

He's been standing still in the same supplies isle for too long, you already know what he wants.

" Having trouble finding something, Mr Shags? "

As if, he probably knows this store better than yourself.

In fact, he outright told you he used to be a client before you started working here.

He murmurs a response too quietly to interpret, forcing you to come closer. And, predictably, as soon as you are within grabbing distance (not hard to achieve when you're a lamppost of a monster featuring branch-like arms), a spider hand slithers onto your shoulder. It's cold, he's always a little cold.

You're urged in front of a shelf, his head looming over yours.

" Ahh, I need your honest opinion on something... If you don't mind? "

This is the paints section, a mural of hues that hurt the eyes.

" Sure. "

" What shade of orange do you think I should get? "

You love these questions. Because never once does he elaborate on what he's creating or why he wants you to choose. It's happened many times before. What size of canvas should I get? What pen should I get? What sketch books should I get?

You like the strange autonomy of getting to pick, offering him the same level of context he does to you.

Absolutely none.

" Alloy. " You point.

Shags reaches towards it with little effort, snagging several little containers with his root-like digits. The hand on your shoulders tightens.

" What a choice. Thank you very much, my dear. "

" No problem. "

It takes a bit of shifting before the hand on your skin is lifted.

You stroll back to the cash register with a small smile and occasionally observe the monster in the same way you'd study an animal at the zoo.

It's strange how little he moves sometimes. Initially, you thought it was just so he wouldn't drip ink everywhere, but it seems to be a part of him now. Blending in with all his other vaguely creepy mannerisms. Mr Shags gets all his items at a snail's torturous pace and finally, finally approaches you.

" How are the latest projects going, Mr Shags? " You start while scanning the paints first.

The shroom actually seems to frown for a second. Fingers busy on the balcony. " Not as smoothly as I wished... "

Tap tap tap.

" My latest muse and I, our chemistry, I'm afraid it has no substance. "

" Oh? " Your eyes deviate to his face for a moment.

" Yes... Something tells me it's time to move on. But I do want to honor our time together with one last, preserving piece. "

Tap tap tap.

" Mhm. Sounds good, I hope the next one works out. " Frankly, you're not sure what he's talking about, but you usually never are to begin with.

" Me too. " Then he smiles again, and you get the distinct feeling his stare has turned into a more scrutinizing one.

Far from the first time, it doesn't scare you like it did initially.

It's pretty funny, actually. You started out thinking this guy was some kind of loser looking to harass you, to intentionally make you uncomfortable. Nowadays he's more of an entertaining almost-friend.

Tap tap tap.

" Will that be all, Mr Shags? "

" Shags. "

He's told you to call him just by his name a couple of times. You always ignore it, but he keeps trying anyway.

There's a silent beat.

During your first years of work, the lack of action would have made you antsy enough to break the silence, which is what you know he wants you to do. But now, you have no trouble staring back placidly until he continues the conversation.

Apparently, the shroom enjoys that continuous challenge, because his grin widens slowly.

" You have a peculiar facial definition. " He eventually rasps.

A nothing statement, not quite a compliment, not quite an insult, definitely said to confuse and prompt a question. One you don't give him the satisfaction of hearing.

" Thanks. " The customer service smile has an edge of playful smarm this time.

Tap tap tap.

" ... I would enjoy sketching you sometime. Your facial expressions are intriguing. "

This is essentially his way of asking you out, you presume.

" You've drawn me before. "

He's even given you the pages, pencil depictions of you caught in a selection of moments. Mostly bored to tears and staring at the little universe between the cracks in aged walls.

Shags tuts. " It's quite different when the muse in question is part of the experience. I much prefer it that way. "

You can't help the hint of a snicker that tugs at the corners of your lips as you bag his items to hurry things along. Not that there's anyone else inside right now.

" Mm. And what if we don't have good chemistry? "

The shroom monster hands you his card, not even caring about hearing the total.

" I think we both know that wouldn't be the case. "

Tap tap tap.

It's only a few moments of intentionally creating suspense until you hand him all his new belongings and card.

" See you soon, Mr Shags. "

His grin only twitches for a delightful glimpse of a second before he carefully takes his possessions and leaves.

Playing with fire is fun.

One day, you'll get burned.

#Shags oc #tce rp ask

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olderthannetfic · 16 days

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I just got a comment saying I should have tagged for dom/sub undertones and I'm a little confused. In canon, this guy always bosses his wife around re: doing shit that's healthy for her - napping, drinking water, remembering to eat more than once a day, getting more than 3 hours of sleep - and she lovingly calls him "Boss Man" as a nickname because of it. On some occasions where she's gone more than a day without eating he'll swipe her phone and order her to eat before she gets it back, something she always seems to find endearing. There's a lot of 'I didn't mean to worry you', 'you're worth worrying about, now here's your favorite homemade walnut bread' stuff, all there in canon, just lifted from canon and transplanted into my fic.

Is this dom/sub stuff? I'm aroace so I've never been in a relationship, but I assumed "take care of yourself" "I will but I will call you a silly nickname over it" was regular relationship stuff. Or is it that the frequency of it makes it dom/sub stuff, and I'm just not grasping that because my neurodivergency is making me not read the social cues correctly? I was only recently diagnosed but this has been a problem for a long time, the whole line between normal and abnormal behavior, so I thought I'd ask you. You're much more well-read than I am and know a lot more about shipping dynamics and how they're tagged. I feel like you're an expert whose opinion carries a lot of conclusions-informed-by-knowledge and so your take could help me figure this out.

People who are doms or subs or write them, if you have a guide on this stuff, that'd be cool, too. I want to educate myself more so I know if I should tag something. After all, I can't get my story to people who want to read it if it doesn't show up in the tags they're searching for. Readers aren't mindreaders. It's on me to make sure they can get ahold of the things they're looking for. I just need to work around my own ADHD-addled brain to do it.

I think this is the usual pattern of demanding silly tags that would only make sense in that reader's own bookmarks.

Yes, caretaking and food control of various kinds can be a part of BDSM. No, your description of canon does not make it sound like this has obvious undertones.

Readers are going to have different interpretations. It's possible that other readers would agree with this one. I have my doubts. I suspect they're projecting. But sure, maybe other people would think there was some of that vibe.

However, if you did not intend the fic to read this way, I would not add the tag. This is not what the fic is about.

As for what this kind of thing can look like when it is intended as a dom/sub activity, the movie Secretary has a bunch of examples. She calls him on the phone to tell him what her family's dinner looks like that night; he gives her instructions about which things she can eat how much of. The way she acts while making that phone call makes it clear it's an exciting game to her. Another time, he tells her she's not allowed to cut herself anymore: he will provide what she needs.

Even if the characters are being playful, just nagging someone to do basic self care doesn't really come across as this. It's more charged when it's an intentional power exchange thing.

It's more like... hmm... if you and a friend agreed to LARP as characters for a day. Even if you were acting fairly normal and doing things you'd often do anyway, there would be this added extra vibe to it that someone who knew you well could probably detect.

It's not so much about the specific behaviors: it's about the extra meaning those people ascribe to them. If it doesn't seem like the canon characters think of this caretaking any specific way and you, as the fic author, don't see it that way, then I don't think it will generally read as a dom/sub thing to most readers.

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majimasleftasscheek · 9 months

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'The Majima Dilemma' Anon here, looking for some feedback on how would one write Goro Majima's other half Goromi so that it doesn't sound offensive or cringe-worthy. I have the basics - like some stuff noted from the game, but would like to hear someone's idea on Goromi-chan - how she acts around Kiryu or other people etc.

ohoho so I think that the best way to write her (subjectively of course) is to treat her sincerely. of course there's the elephant in the room depending on how you interpret her - I'm going to be viewing her as genderfluid cuz that's my thing so for my purposes, she's an amab dude in a dress. as such, I don't point out said elephant unless the point of my story is to talk about that specifically and with it often comes discussion of gender, etc etc. if I'm not talking about that, I talk about her as if she's any other woman doing her thang.

example: if I had a basic scene where she's putting on lipstick, I'm not going to write her as if she's struggling or being incompetent "because man unga bunga." I'd just have her put on lipstick. that same scene could change depending on the "when" too. maybe early Goromi did struggle but! it's important to portray that struggle with sincerity. write her being anxious, clumsy, etc. don't try to make it comedic tho as it'd be inappropriate imo. if there is anything funny, it shouldn't be at her expense.

so, the game treats the Goromi encounter like a joke, basically just a reason for Kiryu to fight her on the basis of "haha man in dress doesn't that just piss you off." so if you take anything from the game, the conversation they have in the minigame is where it's at, in regards to how Kiryu feels himself around her, how he doesn't have to put on airs, how Goromi's genuinely surprised, things like that. with such a short encounter, you really have to rely on your own imagination to expand upon it but even just that lil bit of exchange is a good base. beyond that, I wouldn't take away from the game that much tbh.

I write Goromi pretty much how I write Majima, with all the usual vulgarities and mannerisms since the way I see Goromi is that she's still very much the same person but with a femme flair. I know some do like to write her significantly different as a personality of her own so that too is an option if that's your thing. I project a lot of my genderfluid experience onto her so when I'm personally feeling flip floppy, I'm not really anyone new, but the way I act, the way I carry myself does differ to varying degrees.

so when Goromi's around Kiryu, for example, she's still up to kicking his ass and being a rude lil shit but she'll carry herself a bit more refined, generically ladylike but surface level - some of it being playing the stereotype of a woman, another part her actively trying to be someone else or "removed from being a typical man." for example, if I wrote Kiryu flirting with Majima, I'd make him get embarrassed but in a sort of aloof way with performative confidence typical of Majima. flirting with Goromi tho is different as she's being very vulnerable, very open about herself and when you love her, you love a part of Majima that he may feel self conscious about.

speaking of the previous mentioned elephant, if you wanna talk about Goromi being a dude, I think that's fine tbh if done with tact. I make it a point in my art to portray her as masculine because for me, the cis part of being genderfluid is just as important as everything else. so I like to see Goromi with her beard and muscles and dick bulge cuz fuck it. I don't shy away from that stuff but I don't make fun of it either. one of my best friends is a transwoman and respecting her as a woman no matter how passing she is, is very important to me. but it's not sunshine n rainbows either. if you do talk about that sorta thing, it does come with baggage and handling that doesn't always have the most right or the most appropriate answer. comes down to respecting people as people imo and I think with common sense and empathy, you can certainly write something well intentioned.

interaction-wise, I think she would try to act the part around most people, maybe being at odds with herself because she's not ignorant to how to she looks or behaves so she tries to be more elegant, more ladylike in order to be likeable, acceptable. but at the same time she's still very much Majima and that crassness doesn't just bleed but hemorrhages out of her. it's a battle within herself to decide how to behave so when people are being genuinely nice, she fumbles. I think it'd be normal even around people she's close to cuz even tho she knows she has their respect, it's almost unreal and she gets very flustered 😌 to an extent, I like to think she even rejects some of that kindness cuz her self doubt makes her think she doesn't deserve it or that people are being dubious to get on her good side.

she's good at faking it too. if you need her to be a perfect lil peach or put up with a lotta crap, she can do it. she'd more so do this if the situation required it so I can see her being polite around those of a higher status or if she was in a situation where she shouldn't be a goblin. she'd be pleasant but cold towards strangers, cautious you can call it, until she can place their vibes. there's an RGGO story (idk if you know what that is but it's basically yakuza gatcha on mobile) where Goromi (before Kiryu ever gets to Club Shine) very seriously plays the part of a hostess and wildly excels so she can very much be a totally different person if need be.

whenever I write an upset Goromi, I like to make her revert to tough guy Majima strats where she'll do her damnedest to not let anything get under her skin but it never goes well, especially if it's personal. if she's not crumbling under depression, she'll be snappy then pissy, handling anything with a fight over pouring her heart out. she's prone to spiraling and holding grudges, preferring to suffer in silence alone which is very much how I'd write Majima normally.

a happy Goromi is bombastic, moreso than Majima if that's even possible. and depending on the context, very very sincere. because the theater in my brain never stops replaying the same scenes over and over, I always have this mental picture that Kiryu says something sweet about Goromi and she's just on the quiet side smiling in a sad sort of way like she can't even believe he actually means what he says. and he looks at her worried like he said something stupid and she has to reassure him she's just happy to be so lucky and that tough exterior opens up just a lil more each time. Majima is a big softie and as Goromi, I feel he can explore that a lil more freely if hesitantly.

I hope this stuff helps! it's my own thoughts so of course take things totally subjectively. I think writing Goromi sincerely does rely on taking considerations of femininity, especially in regards to how a man would approach them and how society would view that. it's a lotta reactionary stuff and I think if you can empathize with that, you can write her well enough. Goromi is a divisive topic for people so you're not going to please everyone but trying to write her in order to please everyone wouldn't be sincere imo. she's a mixed bag of things, some good some ugly, so write her in ways you feel good about while also being considerate/respectful of course.

#sorry if this is mad wordy lol goromi is my everything my one and only #she got me to discovering my own gender shit so I'm just houghghgough <3 #yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #majima goro #goromi #my art #my hcs

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percheduphere · 3 months

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Hi! Firstly, I wanted to say, I LOVE your analysis, and your detailed deep dive into characters!!! I love your view of Sylvie, and I especially love your metas on Mobius (my beloved). I always jump with happiness, when your new meta shows up! :D Anyway, I wanted to ask - I know, you mentioned it many times but - how do you think the timeline of falling in love for the other looked like? I was thinking about it a lot. Like when Loki started to fall for Mobius? How s2e1 and the fact, that Mobius didn't remember him impacted him? What you think, that was THE moment, when Loki fall for Mobius as heard as he could? And what was the moment he realized he loved him? (and what did he THINK ABOUT THAT????) Also how do you think he was copying with this love for Mobius for those centuries in a loop?? ... And same for Mobius :D When do you think he actually fell for THIS specific Loki? When did he had that OH moment? :D (when he realized he love him) (Also how the 1893 DATE impacted them??? xD ) And lastly, what they think the other is feeling? They seem to me, like classic IDIOTS IN LOVE trope, but I would really REALY love to see your thoughts on that!!! Once again, I thank you for all your work, you're brilliant (I fell in love with your meta on sense and sensibility) Have a great day!!! ❤️ PS: I'm sorry for mistakes (I'm terrible at English) Tru

LET'S TALK ABOUT WHEN THEY STARTED FALLING FOR EACH OTHER

As always, thank you to all the lovely gif artists who make my metas possible.

Thank you so much for your patience @trutrustories!

With respect to the individual timelines of when Mobius and Loki "fall for each other", obviously my take is subjective and there are plenty of viewers who don't see any romantic angle between them at all. That's fine because even without the romantic angle, I think the timelines I map out still demonstrates key moments in which Mobius and Loki's relationship with each other deepens.

As a warning, since this is a timeline request from the perspective of two characters, this post is MASSIVE.

NARRATIVE TECHNIQUES

As a general note, the Loki series uses a few narrative techniques fairly regularly.

A.) REFRAMING / REVERSE PAY-OFF

The series has a habit of reframing the interpretation of previous episodes with the presentation of new information in future episodes. That is, reverse pay-off. Here are key examples, which I discuss in the "timelines" later:

Sylvie tells Loki she can't sleep in front of people she doesn't trust in S1E3; Loki falls asleep in front of Mobius in S1E2

Loki describes love as a dagger in S1E3; Mobius gives Loki daggers in S1E2.

Loki timeslips "uncontrollably", yet manages to timeslip back to Mobius with increasing accuracy in S2E1; Loki realizes timeslipping can be controlled by thinking about "who" in S2E5.

B.) MIRRORING

Loki mirrors Mobius's emotional trajectory from S1E1 - S2E1 (S1E3 has no Mobius). Episode 5 in BOTH seasons is when they both give each other up for the sake of the other.

Sylvie (chaos) & Ravonna (order) and Loki (chaos) & Mobius (order).

C.) REPETITION

Loki loses Mobius after realizing he wants and returns his friendship. Mobius is pruned. (S1E4)

Loki loses Mobius after realizing he and Sylvie "don't see things the same way". Mobius has no memory of him. (S2E1)

Loki loses Mobius after realizing he (Loki) loves him. Mobius (as Don) spaghettifies. (S2E5)

Loki loses Mobius after realizing he has to give him up to save everyone. Mobius is left behind. (S2E6)

Let's keep these narrative techniques in mind as we proceed!

MOBIUS

Mobius is pretty straightforward. Though I didn't perceive any romantic love in my first watch through of S1, the angle of romance feels more credible when reviewing S1 after having seen S2E1. S2E1 reframes how we can view Mobius's emotional motivations.

The inferred backstory, as the audience understands it, is that Mobius has studied Lokis for eons. Loki is his area of expertise. His pet project. His special interest. As I mentioned in another meta, it's perfectly reasonable for someone to gradually fall in love with the subject matter of their work over time. In this case, that subject matter happens to be an actual person.

By the time Loki is apprehended by the TVA, Mobius already had a plan in motion to save him from deletion. This wasn't a spur of the moment decision for him. Mobius had been preparing for this encounter for a while. Likely centuries. This is inferred through the fact another TVA agent seeks Mobius out immediately with Loki (L1130)'s file. Why bother doing that if all variants who cause a nexus event get "reset"?

And boy, is Mobius eager to have Loki by his side once he has him. In what world would anyone offer 2012 Loki a handshake? Mobius's, apparently.

Mobius also doesn't hesitate to touch Loki right off the bat. When Loki pauses to look at the TVA "world", Mobius lays a guiding hand on Loki's back. (Unfortunately couldn't find the gif for this).

It also doesn't take Mobius long to get emotionally compromised once he has Loki under his wing. I talk about the exact moment I believe this happens here.

This reaction from Loki, in response to Mobius's praise, is a big moment for both of them. They genuinely like and enjoy one another in this scene.

Moments later, Mobius absolutely gushes about Loki to his best friend boss lady, Ravonna.

He's so proud of Loki's breakthroughs and is really happy with how well they work together as a team. So much so that his judgment gets clouded and he insists on bringing Loki out into the field, where Loki's most likely to betray him.

NOTE: The moment above is when I believe he's officially compromised.

By the middle of S1E2, Mobius fell first. However, I don't think Mobius realizes the exact nature of his feelings for Loki until S1E5. From a platonic standpoint, Mobius definitely started thinking of Loki as a friend by this time. Otherwise, he wouldn't have called Loki a "bad friend" in S1E4.

In a S1 interview, Tom describes Mobius as having love for Loki, and Loki, at that point in his character development, "not wanting that" (you can see a compilation of interviews with Tom and Owen here). Based on this, I think it's safe to say that Mobius's love for Loki is not only genuine but also unconditional and abiding.

This unconditional, abiding love is what allows Mobius to want to believe in Loki despite his evident betrayal in S1E4. In the same episode, he implies via rhetorical question that Loki doesn't deserve to be alone and accepts that it's Sylvie that Loki wants to be with.

If Mobius hadn't accepted this, he wouldn't have made it his focus to bring Sylvie to Loki in S2E5.

And as I mention elsewhere, the moment below was the first instance in which I felt there could be unrequited love. I think Mobius's realizes it, too, in this scene:

Mobius maintains his acceptance of Loki's feelings for Sylvie throughout S2, however grudgingly. A microanalysis of the McDonald's scene may be reviewed here.

In S2E1, Mobius's love for Loki is demonstrated throughout. I discuss how pivotal this episode is here.

In terms of Mobius's personal perspective on their relationship. I think Mobius believes he will only ever Loki's friend and #2, as opposed to #1, a position he believes Sylvie holds.

While Mobius knows Loki will support him as a friend and can count on his protection on the field, I don't think it ever crosses his mind that Loki would prioritize him (that is, place Mobius as #1). Their last private interaction would reinforce Mobius's notion that Loki will take Sylvie's side if given the choice to choose between the two of them:

And while Mobius might not like it, while Mobius is clearly hurt by it, he doesn't allow this interaction to ruin his friendship with Loki. Because he loves Loki deeply.

It can even be argued that, in addition to personal guilt due to his role in the TVA, Mobius doesn't fight Sylvie's accusations because to do so would hurt Sylvie, and hurting Sylvie would hurt Loki, which is unacceptable. Therefore, Mobius just takes it, even though it would be very easy to point out to Sylvie that killing HWR triggered the crisis they're in.

As far as Mobius is concerned, he mostly likely thinks his love continues to be unrequited and has made peace with that since S1. His final scene could be interpreted as grief over the loss of a friend as well as grief over the loss of what could have been.

LOKI

Loki's feelings for Mobius evolve much more gradually, and the emotional journey of those feelings is accordingly more complex.

In S1E1, I believe Loki appreciates Mobius's directness. I know I've stated this multiple times, but I think it bears repeating: a lot of Loki fans absolutely hate Mobius's treatment of Loki in this episode, but I think it's important to remember where Loki's state of mind is at.

There was no way 2012 Loki would have been receptive to soft compassion. He doesn't understand soft. He sees softness as a weakness and refuses to engage with it because he doesn't want to be seen as soft. What 2012 Loki does understand is cruelty. He will listen and pay attention to cruelty because cruelty is a gesture of power, and power is control. His default mode is the desire and respect of power, which Mobius has over him. He respects that he has been bested. Crucially, Mobius balances his cruelty (to get Loki to listen) with genuine kindness. This is what allows Loki's first breakthrough of choosing to be vulnerable with Mobius. Admitting he doesn't like hurting people, that he is weak, (that he isn't happy), requires trust on Loki's part that Mobius will not mock him for it.

Unlike Mobius, Loki does not have access to files and tape recordings on Mobius's life. As such, Loki starts out with less power in their dynamic. All he knows about Mobius is what he gleans from Mobius's treatment of him and others. And Mobius, even when he is frustrated and annoyed with Loki, consistently gives Loki chances to demonstrate his ability outside of the context of being a villain. He never gives up on him.

Mobius, through his consistency of compassion and refusal to abuse his power (until he's betrayed in S1E4), proves he is trustworthy to Loki.

Nevertheless, the power imbalance puts Loki in a corner where he can't afford to place all his eggs in the Mobius basket. There's manipulation happening between them, and they both know it, so their interactions in S1, while entertaining for both of them, are also colored with mutual distrust.

For this reason, in addition to raw curiosity and poor impulse control, Loki runs after Sylvie and betrays the friendship with Mobius he didn't know he already had.

In S1E3, we have our first instance of new information paying off the meaning of a scene from a previous episode. On the train, Sylvie informs Loki she cannot sleep in front of people she doesn't trust (can't find the gif with the quote). Since Sylvie is a Loki, the audience can infer the same baseline nature may apply to "our" Loki as well.

In S1E2, we find Loki sleeping across Mobius. The significance of this is implied but not confirmed until S1E3.

When Sylvie wakes up (having fallen asleep despite herself, reinforcing the relational impact of Mobius to Loki to Sylvie, as well as affirming tentative trust on her part), she finds Loki drunk. When people are drunk, subconscious feelings come to the fore.

It is here that we have our second instance of new information paying off a scene from the previous episode. Or alternatively, Loki's interpretation of a previous moment with Mobius defined in a scene with Sylvie: "Love is a dagger."

Personally, I don't think Loki feels any love for Mobius when he makes his infamous metaphor. What I think happens in this scene, is that Loki has subconsciously interpreted the gift of daggers as an act of love.

Why?

Because daggers are for stabbing people in the back. For someone to give another a dagger implies absolute trust. That level of trust entails love.

But at this point in the story, Loki's experience with love and trust is very new. Perhaps it stands to reason, at least in Loki's hindbrain, that those feelings would be better directed at someone familiar, someone like himself: Sylvie. It certainly helps that he's immediately fascinated with her to begin with and he genuinely cares for her.

Significantly, upon Loki making the dagger disappear, Sylvie describes the dagger, love, as "it isn't real". This is an answer Loki intentionally draws out of Sylvie, because he and Sylvie are the same, which reinforces the thought that the love he subconsciously feels from Mobius cannot possibly be real. I think this may be what Tom is alluding to when he describes Loki as not wanting Mobius's love (because he isn't ready for it yet, even if it's purely platonic).

Loki and Sylvie's capture in S1E4 lead to the interrogation scene, which in turn leads to the tension of mutual distrust and mutual desire for trust snapping. This is articulated when Mobius calls Loki a "bad friend", which startles him. Within the MCU canon, no one has ever called Loki a 'friend'.

The tension breaks when Mobius returns to Loki, and they make very clear, active choices about what they want:

They choose to forgive one another

They choose to trust one another

They choose to affirm that a friendship between them exists

They choose to be on the same page and side

They talk through their fight in a very direct and healthy way. In addition to being called a 'friend' for the first time, it's highly likely this is the first time Loki has successfully mended fences with someone who isn't family. Thus, in one episode, Loki has had not 1 but 2 substantive milestones that contribute not just to his relationship with Mobius but his personal healing and growth.

But the narrative demands that as soon as the main character experiences triumph, they must experience tragedy, too.

Loki loses Mobius a total of 4 times in the series:

Loki loses Mobius after realizing he wants and returns his friendship. Mobius is pruned. (S1E4)

Loki loses Mobius after realizing he and Sylvie "don't see things the same way". Mobius has no memory of him. (S2E1)

Loki loses Mobius after realizing he (Loki) loves him. Mobius (as Don) spaghettifies. (S2E5)

Loki loses Mobius after realizing he has to give him up to save everyone. Mobius is left behind. (S2E6)

If you notice, Loki's emotional journey, at least as far as romantic reciprocation is concerned, is more or less a season behind Mobius's. Its progression is also punctuated by loss almost as soon as the personal epiphany occurs.

After Sylvie, for lack of a better word, "dumps" him, Loki has time to reflect on what has transpired, the dire consequences likely awaiting, and who has chosen to support him all along (a review of Mobius's decision-making where Loki's well-being is concerned may be read here.)

With this in mind, Loki runs in search of Mobius.

Which makes encountering a Mobius who doesn't know him, that much more devastating.

Tom's acting here is something else. Loki's desperation to have his Mobius back is visceral and foreshadows a similar desperation in S2E5. This moment, I feel, is the beginning of Loki's feelings tilting from platonic love to romantic. He's not fully there yet like Mobius already is, but it's starting.

And that gradual build-up of investment in Mobius spreads over S2E1 - S2E5. In these S2 episodes, Loki mirrors Mobius's emotional trajectory from S1E1 - S2E1 (S1E3 has no Mobius). Keep this mirroring in mind because Episode 5 in BOTH seasons is when they both give each other up for the sake of the other.

In S2E2, Loki protects Mobius physically:

And supports him emotionally:

In S2E3, Loki enjoys his magic and curbs its intensity for Mobius:

In S234, unbeknownst to Mobius, Loki defends his character and his efforts to save the timelines:

Now, S2E5 is where it all culminates.

I'm getting close to the gif threshold and the fit-check has been discussed at length, so I want to focus on this scene. Here, Loki tells Mobius that he "belongs" in the TVA and that he saved Loki's life when he first arrived. This shot of Loki saying Mobius's name echoes Mobius's look of unrequited love in S1E5's goodbye scene.

But I don't think Loki has fully articulated, in his mind, exactly what his feelings are because he's rushing. His sole focus for the time-being is getting Mobius back, and he does so, temporarily, through recruiting Don.

It's when Loki find's Sylvie that he has the time to once again reflect on the nature of his and Mobius's relationship and his regard for it as he did in S1E6. And it is, once again, Sylvie who acts as the catalyst for Loki's emotional epiphany.

When Sylvie challenges Loki to say what he actually wants, he struggles to respond. The want is too vulnerable to reveal.

I love Tom's micro-expressions in the above gifs (thank you @starrose17!) The pursed lips, the hard swallow, and the tears welling up in his eyes ... This is it, this is the moment I believe Loki finally realizes he's in love with Mobius.

He phrases his desire as wanting his friends back. That's true enough (an analysis of what the TVA means to Loki and Mobius may be read here). However, Loki later reuses the word "belong" and applies it to himself. Mobius, in his words, "belongs" in the TVA. Without his friends (the TVA) where does Loki "belong"?

This is outside of text and the sociopolitical conflict between the artists and the studio, but the case can be made that Loki doesn't entirely trust Sylvie with his feelings. Loki did, after all, witness Sylvie reprimand and humiliate Mobius. To directly admit love for the same person Sylvie harshly rebuked may not be received well, but I think Sylvie already knows and may have known as far back as when she commented "he cares about you" in S1E5.

From Loki's perspective, I think Loki knows Mobius loves him, but I am less certain if Loki knows Mobius loves him romantically. That said, prior to his sacrifice, I think Loki was emotionally ready to confess. I also believe Loki, while not 100% confident his romantic love would be reciprocated, senses his odds for reciprocation are good.

Unfortunately, their fate was to become star-crossed lovers.

(For now).

#loki #mobius #lokius #loki series #loki season 2 #loki meta #my meta #loki analysis #my analysis #asks

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l1tw1ck · 1 year

Text

Pervert Parker & Pervy Harry

Bottom Peter x Top Masc Reader

Bottom Harry Osborn x Top Masc Reader

Specific Peter/Harry is up to interpretation

↳ [Event]

CW: Non-Con Nude Picture Taking, Stalking, Rough Oral, Used Underwear Sniffing, Scent Kink, Oral

📸 You're the object of Peter's affections and in turn the muse for his photography. You noticed it a while ago but you didn't think anything of it, it's not like he's doing something weird with them anyway. At least that's what you thought.

📸 You came over to his house for a project and he left the room to get you something to eat. Out of curiosity, you looked through his newly printed photos, most of them appropriate, but the rest? Pictures of you naked, masturbating, and in the shower. You turned one of the photos around, your estimated dick size in red ink. Peter walked into the room at that moment, a picture of your erect dick in his face. "Your measurements are off. I'm bigger than that." You chuckled.

Peter, on his knees, looks at your hard length in awe. The very thing he's dreamed of taking inside him for months. Is this really happening? He asks himself, is he really about to suck you off? "You're taking too long." You grab his hair, his mouth agape, and force him onto your cock. Peter moans and doesn't fight back as you fuck his mouth, living out his fantasy of being treated roughly by you. He keeps his mouth opened wide to allow for seamless fucking, happily getting abused by your thick length. His hair'll be a mess by the time you're done and he's excited to see the result, but not as excited as he is to make you cum.

You pull him off of you, jerking yourself off before splattering his fucked out face with your cum. He takes a few seconds to process before licking the cum that landed on his lips, and scooping up the rest with his hand to swallow it. "Slut." You grin, slapping your cock on his tongue and letting him lick and suck you clean. You grab his camera and snap a few pictures, wanting to have a little something for yourself.

Pervy Harry

☆ You didn't think much of it when Harry tried to buy your friendship, as in buy you whatever you like in exchange for companionship. You just assumed that since he's a rich kid with a working father, he doesn't know how to properly befriend someone

☆ As it turns out, he was trying to buy your love. He wanted to get close to you and even though his efforts to "pay" you were for naught, you still got close to him. Close enough that he's allowed in your room no matter what. Harry climbed in through the window, knowing you weren't home, and immediately darted to your laundry basket. He used your boxers and gym shirt to masturbate, fingering himself to your scent. He mumbled your name dreamily, wishing he could smell directly from the source.

"Yes?" You smirk, closing the door. Harry jumps in surprise. "I- I can explain!" He throws the clothes away from him and takes his hand out of his pants. You pull your pants down, revealing your hard-on to him. "Come on, don't you want this?" Harry rushes over to you, kneeling in front of you. He drags his tongue from the tip of your cock down to the hilt, sniffing your balls before sucking on them, hand jerking off your cock. He relishes in the pleased sounds you make as he indulges in his long time fantasy. He moans as he slowly has his way with your cock, tongue dragging back up to your tip, sucking on it and swallowing your pre cum. He envelops your length all the way to the hilt, burying his nose in your pubes. He eventually starts moving, deep throating your cock like he's done it before (he hasn't).

You warn Harry that you're about to come, causing him to move more vigorously. He sucks your cock like it's his God given mission, eager to have your cum down his throat. He looks up at you just as you come, tears of pleasure streaming down his face.

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kalfui · 3 months

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as someone who's aroace myself, I...really do not like all the sexualized content of Alastor. or the romantic content tbth. it is deeply off-putting to me. like idk, yeah I get that ace people can still have sex, that aro people can still be in romantic relationships--but as someone who's sex-repulsed AND romance-repulsed, it's. uh. idk, it made me happy to think of Alastor as the same. (my favorite joke reason I've seen for why Alastor vanished for seven years is "Vox confessed to him and Alastor is so romance-repulsed that he had to leave for seven years to get over it." bc SAME. I know it's not canon but I like pretending it is.)

I do kinda ship him in a QPR way with some characters (after he finally figures out that he is aroace), bc I was in a QPR for a long time (with someone who wasn't even aroace himself) and people so often just...didn't get it, didn't get that it was platonic but also different than "just a friendship", and so I am projecting my experiences on Alastor a bit lmao. putting my favorite aroace character into my own lived experiences. Alastor can experience the same frustration I did as everyone around him is like "wdym you're not dating, you hold hands and cuddle, there's no other interpretation of that!"

but like...most of the shippy content I see written or drawn with Alastor is romantic and/or sexual. at best, if it even acknowledges that he's aroace, it's just to justify the shipping with "well SOME aroace people are romance-positive/sex-positive!" people could, at the very least, take this opportunity to explore and try to understand QPRs, relationships that don't have sex or romance and are platonic but are also not "just friendship", but I see like. almost none of that

I'm.. completely tired of the aroace people can still date stuff. Hey, if you're gonna ship him and erase representation, at least admit that you're taking away a canon part of him, and don't act like it's canon he'd date or have sex, he is most likely sex repulsed and romance indifferent or repulsed. The fact that I see people debating this is absolutely crazy to me, do people need everything spelled out for them? Did they need to write Alastor looking disgusted by some sexual remark someone makes and then looking into the camera and saying how he feels repulsed by sex, and how he doesn't care for romance or doesn't like it either?

I'm not too familiar with QPRs since I only found out about them some time ago, but I've seen people say that he's in a QPR with this character or that character and then just, write sexual stuff? I don't know too much about QPRs like I said, but I'm not sure that's how it's supposed to be? I mean, there's a reason it's platonic, and it seems that a lot of the time people are just using QPRs to not get attacked when they ship Alastor with someone.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #aroace #aroace alastor #aromantic #asexual #asexuality #radiostatic #radioapple #radiorose #radiodust #vivziepop #vivienne medrano #spindlehorse #yall are my community #aromanticism

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cleabellanov · 2 months

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Jet-Skiing through identity: A deep dive into Mobius M. Mobius (part 4)🛥️

"And I'm yours but you're not mine" (Say Don't Go)

That's Mobius in season 1, because from all we know, he was the one to fall first. A fall that, just like domino pieces, results in a beautiful union of...well, everything.

But now, in season 2, his love is finally reciprocated. He showed Loki something they hadn't seen in themselves. And not only he loved them, but proved to Loki why they're deserving of that love as well. And now that he is finally appreciated and seen by the last person he was expecting, he also gets the insight he never knew he was looking for. This is like always running from something right into the chasm, until someone takes your hand and makes you stop. Even if it means facing your fears.

Open first episode of season 2, when the entire Loki legion was on the verge of a heart attack waiting to see what will happen. (That's actually me, I think I'm not alone). Those were crazy times indeed. Now, to our Mobius: a relative present version of him, not the one that didn't recognize Loki. That was scary. His first line is:

<<Hey, everything you've been doing is wrong, and all your gods are dead. How are people gonna take that?>>

I interpret this as his own thoughts and feelings projected on the collective. It's true for them, but it's relatable to Mobius.

And after all, why would everyone at the TVA believe all this time? The same reason as why we do it: we want to: that's where it all starts. And for someone like Mobius, who didn't believe in himself, it was much more logical to believe in the time gods. Putting the blame on fate takes the burden off your shoulders. But no burden, no glory. Few of them had guts to admit. But even indirectly, Mobius did (and has been for a while).

Backing the argument that he cares about Loki, and that he fell first, his reaction to hearing his name from Casey is immaculate.

He immediately tries to figure out a way to locate him. He might take a more "slow, deliberate approach", but not when he knows people he cares about are in danger. Not when he can still help.

Then, to X-5's attempt to make him feel bad about his spot on the original timeline, he responds with a neutral approach, not letting such things get to him. He even goes to explaining why jet-skis are so cool. This is something that shows how passionate Mobius can be about the things he likes. I don't think he would do this if he wouldn't be provoked in some sort of way, because the total absence of interest from others can kill a spark pretty quick. But he doesn't let it go just because no one around him sees jet-skis as important as he does. I love him for it.

His pure care for Loki and the way he comforts them the best he can is also very important in this episode. Mobius does his best to calm Loki down, trying to see the situation from an outside point of view so it can be solved efficiently. He's there, he doesn't let Loki down, and we know he would never; "Okay, you wanted time to think, so let's think." - as in let's think together, you're not alone.

Also, when Loki rushes to find Sylvie so they can fix what is happening, Mobius slows him down. He knows Loki wouldn't take the time to take care of themselves, so he does it for him, knowing exactly how much to insist, and that the timeslipping can't be let out if control for a long while.

Another trait resulting from the episode is sort of a disapproval avoidance, from the convo with O.B. Mobius obviously had his memory wiped and doesn't remember him, but doesn't admit it: it could hurt this nice guy and make him look like a fool (it wouldn't, really. he didn't have to worry abt it).

Then, at the end of the episode, this care (LOVE!!!) he carries for Loki is once again is highlighted:

Because, even at the risk of losing his skin (and, jokes aside, losing his life), Mobius still waits over the limit for Loki to make it back. What was I saying about believing? Even if the gods of the TVA are dead, the God of Mischief isn't. And Mobius always believed in him.

#me: “this analysis won't have a lot of parts it will be short” also me still writing #where are my people I need to know if you're enjoying this #marvel #mobius #loki #lokius #ouroboros #sylvie laufeydottir #variants #miss minutes #kang the conqueror #loki series #comics #taylor swift lyrics

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ganondoodle · 5 months

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I was at first in love with totk, and I still think mechanical wise, its quite impressive

And when I collected all the tears and saw the "story" I genuinely got upset in a good way (at first), because man! Did they really got the balls to go that far? Is there nothing I can do for her? Now I MUST do all the temples, see how it plays out and --oh, I've got this cutscene already. Why are all the people so dumb about Zelda, I KNOW where she is, Link say something-- Link??

After finishing all the temples and almost falling asleep, I stopped playing the game, looked up the last boss and remaining cutscenes and went "Thats it?"

Watching other people (including you) being critically about so many things, both character and mechanical wise, I've almost startled myself with a realization what the gnawing feeling I constantly had, actually was.

Totk feels like a fanfic.

And don't get me wrong, I love fanfiction, I think its great and important, I adore fanfic writers, I love finding gems, I love reading self indulgent stories, see new spins and interpretation of characters. I love the casual, the passion, the creativity!

But totk gives me the same feeling everytime I am reminded that Fifty Shades is a Twillight fanfic.

The world is there. The faces I know and grew to love are there. But everything is ever so slightly different, uncannily so. Just how some characters talk, how they act, how they were placed in the story. The Zonai appearing out of nowhere, but no, they always had been there you see, they were these super magical advanced people but they all died, the king is so tragic. And you see, the king is super cool and powerful and-- oh I dont get to interact with him outside of the tutorial. Did they try to do another King Rhoam-- but wait, that only worked because we didn't knew he was a ghost-- totk wait stop why do you take him out of the story, why couldn't he be a companion, he IS ABLE TO TALK THROUGH THE ARM LET THE OLD GOAT COMMENT ON STUFF?? If you bring up all this ancient stuff and you still got a ghost lingering, let him talk?? (I never ended up getting Mineru but I smell wasted potential as well)

Im not even mad, I am disappointed. It feels like the devs saw what all the lore hunters got attached to and talked about and then just... took the "cool". All the Zonai stuff could've easily been Sheikah tech, but got just reskinned to look more exciting instead of being its own thing.

Like... at this point I prefer what fans are doing over what Totk gave us. The characterization of Rauru (and everything Zonai), projects like you do of what totk couldve been, the little nuggets of actual highlights and details of love fans find in the game. I found much more enjoyment in these concepts than I got from a 70bucks game. And thats depressing.

I love fanfiction. I dont love it when my corporate 70 dollar, six year development, console exclusive game feels like a story that passionate fan couldve written miles better in a week (and I've already seen much cooler and interesting rewrites and ideas).

Zelda has been a huge part of my childhood and its depressing seeing it treated like that. It always was about the story, the epic, its The Legend of Zelda for crying out loud. To be courageous to enter a dungeon, to be wise and solve all the riddles. To become powerful over the journey you embarked on. Zelda to me is the campfire story you tell to others and go into the woods or the beach and imagine what monsters you would slay. Zelda is not the sandcastle you build in the sandbox and then add dinosaurs and star wars ships because you didn't had any other toys, and just stumble into and over some story to entertain yourself until lunch is ready.

I'd have an oracle of seasons over another totk any day at this point. They should've just make the mechanics of totk its own thing, but I guess they were scared it wouldn't sell if it doesn't have a Mario or Zelda skin straped over it.

Anyways, sorry for the mini rant - love your art, love your thoughts and insights, and I am looking forward to see more of it - Zelda related or not (your original characters look amazing, I adore your style sm)

Hope you have a great rest of the day!

*nods along through this entire rant*

idk how many of my rants you have read but yeah ... yeah ... and the further you think about it the further it all falls apart, the wasted potential of it all and the goddamn audacity of them to do those interviews in which they make it EVEN WORSE is just

i know the expectation for a direct sequel to botw was huge and understandbly so but i really REALLY think it would not have been that hard to make it a good follow up even taking into account that totk was originally a DLC, pretty much all of botws aspects could have been developed further, i dont know what could have happened to make totk have turned out like this .. literally it feels like something had to have gone wrong, its like someone who doesnt know zelda nor botw at all was given a few prompts and then just made some generic fantasy story while the rest worked on ultrahand for 5 years

the technical impressive things ARE technical impressive, but i dont think it was necessary nor served the game well in any way (and i LOVE building games- however totk is neither a building game nor a story game nor a zelda game nor an exploration game nor a sequel imo) but zelda, this zelda, is not made for that and i cant help but think it was mainly to encourage people to make some ridiculous mechs so it can go viral on tiktok (not trying to discredit them, it IS cool what they are doing but i .... have my doubts if zelda is the right place for that)

ill stop there bc i have ranted so much about everything i dont wanna repeat it here again; it just doesnt feel like a real game (derogatory), it feels extra bad bc i was not really into zelda when botw came out and while i did get it as soon as i could (months after release since i just started a minijob and didnt have the money) i only over time grew to love zelda this much again, devouring any theories and anything about it bc i loved it so much- i was never into it like this when a new title was announced and dont own any special editions so i bought the totk collectors bc i was just so damn excited for it after the 2019 trailer dropped (god i want that time back ... it looked so much more like it was going to be an actual sequel) even if i was already worried it wouldnt be good at that point given how much i started to sense stuff i dont like about the newer trailers

i recently sold it at our local gameshop bc it was like a thorn in my side given how expensive it was and how dissapointed i was in the game, i genuinely think that, technical impressiveness aside, totk is the onyl zelda i truly cannot stand (for alot of reasons) and im genuinely worried for the future of the franchise

i bought an Oki (Okami) figurine for what i got back and i feel much happier with that :3

(also on a note, i did finish the game two weeks after release but stopped playing it right then and hadnt touched it since, i also streamed all of what i played and its still up if you want to see my slow descend into madness fjkdhkdhjk though its been a long while since then and i by far did not talk about everything back then, just what my most immediate frustrations were while still playing)

(also the gameplay isnt as good as people make it out to be, so much is so frustrating and punishing to use i am kinda baffled it got through like that and most people call that its best aspect ..... though i guess if the rest is so much worse even mid gameplay can seem good ooooooooh how dare i)

also thank you for liking what i do!!! <3 it means alot to know it is appreciated by someone :D

#ganondoodles answers #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #in my playthorugh i genuinely tried to be super open to what its offering me #but i think its pretty clear that i could see were it was going pretty soon and tried to fight my fear #and then i ended up being right #like i even went out of my way to get the memories and dungeons in turns so i wouldnt spoil anything #and still you can see me get sadder and dissappointed with each new memory i got #and the time it truly all started to crumble was when i discovered what they did to the shrine of life #pretty sure after i got all the lightroots and all i got was a you did it sticker i jsut gave up and went to the end #and after that i found the endfight fun so i played it a few more times #but the last few streams were mostly me ranting jkdfngvkjdfnhgjkdf #for this price its pretty bad #idk why so many people are okay with this tbh #zelda fans deserve better #i think the wasted potential and insulting treatment of both lore - botw and even the player is what frustrates me so much #sidenote i love the username bc there sure are words #alot of them even #(good)#i have done so much ranting it feels good to read someone elses rant about similar frustrations

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swords-of-a-soilder · 5 months

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My QSMP Headcannons vs in game Canon

Feel free to correct me if I get the Canon wrong.

•Tallulah uses hearing aids-this one is actually cannon but people tend to leave it out in art.

•philza uses a walking cane after purgatory- while Phil stated multiple times that the condition of his wings gave him poor balance, even though his wings are somewhat better I imagine the constant back and forth for someone who was never really good a balancing paired with the weight of his new wings probably make it very difficult to stay balance while walking.

•Fit, Tubbo lost limbs in purgatory- correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure Tubbo didn't lose a lib in Canon, and I'm also not sure if the texture of Fit new skin is meant to be read as a prosthetic but I like the idea.

•Richardslyson has a prosthetic leg- this isn't excalty clear whether or not it's canon, we know his model in game has a leg that doesn't connected to his shell but it also important to note that Phil adjusted Richards statue to reflect a prosthetic leg, so you could technically consider it canon.

•Phil is demi-romantic- I know Phil never gave a clear sexual orientation to his in game character, but watching them interact with other love interest he gives the vibe of a demi-romantic person.

•Fit and Phil are divorced on really good terms- the kind were you realize your better as friends, which would also play a part in Phil discovering his is demi-romantic. Obviously in canon they was no clear past relationships established between them.

•Bolas actually does see Phil as a father figured- obviously Cellbit calmed he was joking when he called Phil dad, however Baghera still seems to call him that. I also really just want Cellbit to have a good father figure lmao.

•Rose is Phil's mother- I could go into detail of how the goddess of life birth the angle of death, but I equate it to her being his mother as God is your father but like she's his mother directly. She made him, she raised him, she'll protect him like her like depends on it.

In canon Rose just seems to be the Spawn entity but I like to imagine her as his Spawn entity. That would mean that she spawned him into existence in the hardcore world.

•the federation isn't evil, just misunderstood- I'm not saying they are good, just more morally grey. They do horrible experiment and treat the residents curly in our eyes, but in their eyes this is normal.

They do things thinking the residents don't know any better and therefore their complains are invalid, quite like a narcissist parent.

•the eggs can shape shift- I love the idea of the eggs taking on physical traits of the person (s) that they feel loved by slowly the more fond they become of them.

So the original Chayanne would stay an egg for the first two days then shock his parents by appearing as a little boy with blond hair.

When badly injured they go back to egg form.

•Charlie is in fact part slime and that's how he shape shifted into gegg- technically the qsmp info channel confirmed this in the qsmp full story videos

•Jaiden was a part of project blue bird- again not confirm, but I really like the idea that she was raised by Cucuchroo and that's why she naturally acts kinder to him (but she doesn't remember)

•the island has a respawn entity- following the concept of Rose aiding Phil's spawn, I like to imagine the whole island has a entity that revives players after death, and thus respawning in other demension ie the nether, takes much longer as that a different entity all together.

•the radiation of the blast from purgatory turned Foolish into a shark human hybrid, I mean technically canon since has the speed fins now.

•Forever has a survivor complex- this is up to interpretation of whether or not it's canon but I perceive Forever's behaviour as someone who feels he had to save everyone; He is the president after all.

•Forever likely still has feelings for Phil- or better yet the feelings have developed into genuine love as opposed to obsession, but from observing Missa learnt the best way to love Phil is to respect his wishes.

•Lovejoy is canon in the qsmp and is sponsored by the federation hence why Wilbur often leaves for tours. I'm actually not sure if this is canon or not, I recall Phil joking about it but I don't know if that's the Canon explanation as to how he's allowed to leave the island.

•Missa like Wilbur is sent on sponsored trips by the federation; in which he gather information on other islands, the resources of said island and whether or not their populated

•The codes are corrupted dead eggs- I'm mostly getting this theory from the codes disguising themselves as eggs and codaflipa, but I really like the idea that the codes are eggs that have died in the past with past residents and are restless.

A good backing for this is how Sofia found the eggs to be non organic, which makes me think that in a way they are computer programming, an sentient artificial life.

That does however bring the lore question of how their ghost can return, I think codes are a store of ghost form for them, with the code of their existence being shattered after a while they degraded to code monsters.

This would explain why they kill eggs (they want more company) and how they're able to disguised as them. Codaflipa can only return a few times because it's difficult to keep that form with shattered codes.

Now it is hinted at that the eggs are artificial, Sofia and the details of A1 being hints at that, but there is no Canon confirmation of such to my knowledge

I also know that Etoiles seem to believe the code killed eggs because they were being controlled by the federation, but I don't believe that seeing as the federation went out of their way to get the eggs back.

#that's all i got #share your own in the comments #qsmp #qsmpblr #q!philza #q! fit #q! tubbo #q! forever #hcs4 rose #q!missa #q!jaiden #q!charlie #q!cellbit #q!chayanne #q!tallulah #q! Richardslyson

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cattamouche · 9 months

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> my own interpretation of modern scara. ☄. *. ⋆

a/n: hello! I'm brand new here. writing on here has been something I've been wanting to do for a really long time so I finally created an account and put some thoughts together for my first post. it's not anything big, but it's something to get me started on here. hope u enjoy :')

✧ I know everyone likes him with an emo/goth style, but I think the elegant/pretty type of clothes he wears in game would translate over to real life quite well. Obviously he wouldn't wear the same exact clothes, but he would stick with a more elegant style rather than an emo one.

✧ He would definitely be the type of guy that has an extremely small amount of friends. I imagine him being very picky with the people he hangs out with, and despite him presenting himself as nicely as possible, his dismissive and uninterested attitude and personality would push most people away. It would be a miracle if anyone was willing to befriend him after that horrid first impression, but as long as he still has those close friends, he doesn't care about making new ones. He has a quality over quantity type of mindset for pretty much all things.

✧ Would take a while to get him to open up to you, but once you do break down those walls he's very sweet and caring. Loves his friends but is not good at showing it at all, gets embarrassed at the thought of outwardly showing his affection or appreciation for someone without the addition of a stupid remark. It's just not something he's used to, so serious affection would only be reserved for a potential partner- if he ever even managed to get to that point with someone anyway. It's hard for him, cut him some slack.

✧ As a student, I think he would take uni/college very seriously. He acts dismissive and uninterested in academics but he does put in a lot of work. You'll be miserable working with him in group projects because he'd be overly critical of your work and tell you to change things constantly, he's a perfectionist so putting up with him would be exhausting. He can be insufferable but by god will you get an A on your project. There's no way he's handing in a pile of shit with his name on it.

✧ In terms of hobbies and talents, I honestly think anything would suit him. I can imagine Ei being the type of parent to sign him up for any instrument lesson from an early age, piano, violin, chello, you name it, he has experience with a lot. Likes to play video games in his free time as well. I can't see him as the type of guy that's glued to his screen 24/7 but he's definitely spent a decent amount of his time on games. And his perfectionism doesn't just end at his studies, it applies to his hobbies too. He's the type of person that puts in a lot of effort to get all the achievements for his favorite games. Had various different consoles growing up. Has a preference for handhelds because he can take them anywhere and play a little something whenever he's bored.

✧ He's organized to a T. Of course, he does have those occasional days where his mental health is exceptionally bad, so that's the only time you'll see him a mess, and he gets extremely embarrassed about it. He cares a lot about his image, so anyone seeing him at his lowest would have to take the state they saw him in to the grave.

✧ He's a cat person. No one's surprised. He wouldn't have his own pets past those 2 goldfish he won at a fair when he was young, but when he sees strays on the street he will go out of his way to go to the nearest store and buy them some canned food. If he sees them often enough on his route, he will start carrying around little treats for them knowing he'll see them out and about. What do you mean going that specific direction is only slowing him down. No he's not going out of his way to see his little friends, it's a shortcut. You don't know what you're talking about.

Overall, in my eyes, he would just be a guy with a bit of spice. Someone that just has trouble making friends and keeping his attitude in check.

#english isnt my first language hey #the ending is kinda abrupt but idc #i love him #scaramouche x reader #modern scaramouche #modern scara #wanderer x reader #idrk what im supposed to be tagging this as tbh #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x y/n #? how do i get to my target audience bc this isnt even an x reader but like. this is the type of stuff u guys read right

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ravengards-rogue · 2 months

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dont take any of this too seriously. just spewing my thoughts. some rdr2 / johnigail stuff. mostly talking 2 myself. a lot of spoilers lmao

i really. i really like the relationship that john and abigail share both in rdr2 and later in rdr1. and what i like about it is that it, explicitly, is not a story of true love.

don't misunderstand, i think john and abigail love each other to death and ever after. they share such a deep and solid relationship and both make mutual connections to each other over the course of the game. but what makes them compelling to me is the deep realism rooted in their romance and the way that love is depicted as choice rather than fate.

rdr2 poses this more than once through out the story, with the most obvious example being mary-linton and arthur. when presented the choice to leave the gang or go with mary, arthur chooses the gang due to various internal and external factors. but the implication remains that things might've been different had arthur learned how to choose other things. himself. his future. etc. there's examples of this with hosea and bessie (said by hosea himself "she knew what i was"), with dutch and his varying models of young women. the van der linde gang chooses the outlaw life chronically, habitually, instinctively.

abigail joins the gang as a working girl. she sleeps with most of the camp, and then with john. they're sweet on each other. and she has a boy that she believes to be johns. john is hesitant to believe that (and maybe some of that is warranted) but most of it is him being a complete jackass. the kid is born. john is presented the option of fatherhood. he, like the rest of the gang, comes to a point where he feels he must choose what is going to take priority in his life.

(and this is important - because in my mind, so much of this pressure is so self-imposed. it's inherited in the way most sons inherit from their father or like most younger brothers inherit for their older ones. it's possible no one told john to choose explicitly. not then at least.

but well, john has seen this all play out before. and loyal men choose the gang, almost always. the gang is family, was family before jack and abigail. and if john owes anyone loyalty, it's dutch who raised him as a golden boy)

john, for better or worse, chooses neither. he leaves the gang entirely, for a year which is a huge point of contention. he leaves both things behind. he doesn't choose. he doesn't want to choose. but he comes back, and presumably makes the choice made many times before him. he chooses the gang and completely shafts responsibility of fatherhood and husbandry. but there is obvious uncertainty there.

the choice john makes to leave is interesting when you consider it thematically, and you consider arthurs specific advice to john before his death - that you can't be two men at once. something that is reiterated to john in the epilogue and that he acts on in rdr1. it's also interesting when keeping in mind some hidden dialogue hosea has with john, in which john says he knows that jack is his.

to me, john understands very well whats going on around him. and that his actions are informed explicitly by that choice.

and this to me is what makes his relationship to abigail so interesting. john is no doubt a loser, a deadbeat, and a bum (he is my favorite character) - but all of this information together makes me interpret his actions (coldness towards her and jack) not as genuine resentment but an externalized projection and defensive mechanism.

johns uncertainty is not towards jack being his or even towards abigail, but a baseline questioning of the violence he's been steeped in his entire life. what was once a simple, intuitive choice to be an outlaw is called into question by the legitimate possibility of something else.

arthur has a line to john, where he says that if you don't think jack is yours - why does it bother you so much? and it's a good question indeed, why does any of it bother him so much? why does abigails nagging bother him so much? why is it that john chooses to be actively antagonistic towards her when he could choose to simply be apathetic or choose to reject or stonewall her?

a lot of it is projection. its hypocrisy on johns behalf. he unloads his questioning and beliefs about the gang unto abigail who serves as a semi-constant reminder of his own problems. abigail during the main story game doesn't ask john to choose, but john knows that he has too. that's what that whole thing leads to.

when the gang starts to fall apart and when jack gets kidnapped, john immediately changes his tune. he's in clear disarray. the seeds of doubt planted in his head about dutch during blackwater only get increasingly extreme and as the game goes on into guarma and johns prison arc. he starts more clearly distinguishing where his loyalty will lie as the game closes, john is finally encouraged to make the cemented choice of jack and abi and not gang life (not all at once and something he will continue to struggle with) but he makes it all the same.

and then all of that intersects with abigail. and this to me is where the basis their relationship stems from because it's largely abigails influence, personality, and persistence that allows john not to make the same mistakes. abigail doesn't ask john for love, but she refuses to yield to him when it comes to jack. i know so many people see abigails nagging as nagging, or clinginess - but in my mind, it's simply her not letting john get away with being wishy-washy. abigail makes herself known and doesn't relent even when john continuously acts like a massive dick. she's not a pushover about it though either.

abigail loves john and probably understands him better than people give her credit for. especially with her calling him silly so often (a WHOLE different meta post) it's out of genuine love for john and in many cases, a genuine concern for john as a person that she acts the way she does. she gets on his case because she doesn't really want to give up on him, even though she probably very well could.

and she'd definitely be more at peace if she did lmao.

at a human level, abigails constancy and her both 1. not taking johns shit when he acts like a dick and 2. still wanting more and whats best for him is probably one of the base reasons john has full strength to make it out. and john knows that. abigail chooses john. she wants to choose john. she believes in him and so much of that contributes to the fact john doesn't end up somewhere much worse when the main story ends.

but again its not easy. for either of them. and it's not something that works until john gets his shit together. their relationship doesn't mend overnight, either. in the epilogue of the game, you see them face the same struggles they did through the main story. but like i said, abigail is no pushover. when john keeps choosing outlaw life, abigail leaves because she feels there's no helping him and john has to prove himself to her once more. he has to choose them.

(a lot of people critique abigail for being unfair to john and i understand that - but i think its mostly fear. john was in that life for years, and to abigails there's no telling if that siren song will take over and uproot her life again or not. i do think many times john took up the gun in the epilogue were completely fair, but i dont think abigails reaction is unwarranted.)

but again. again. the core of their love story is about choice. both john and abigail make the choice to choose their family and their love is founded on learning to choose each other. abigail straightens john out, and his character in rdr1 is so much more mellow than he is in rdr2. his loyalty to abigail is fierce and consistent, and john knows he owes a lot to her and never loses sight of that in the years they spend peacefully together.

he likes that abigail gives him shit and a hard time because he knows he deserves it and that it was one of the only things stabilizing him during some of the most tumultuous and difficult times of their life together.

they have such deep and genuine love for each other, built entirely in trying to believe and trust in one another and hold onto love in an era where everything was constantly at stake. it's not fairytale romance, but tried and true connection and choice. i love you because i chose you and i'd keep choosing you. they are so awkward with each other for so long because of the nature of their relationship to each other and that truly endears them to me all the more.

they just. they are so in love. but its not a fairy tale. and its not a case of john getting the girl because he's the hero or whatever. john loves her so much and she loves him and it all took a while and none of it was perfect. but it was real. so so so real between them. ack.

#john marston #zero.thoughts #z.rdr2 #z.meta #abigail roberts #johnigail save me.... save me johnigail.....#their love is so human to me it makes me feel so ill inside

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