#and i hope you don;t mind that i publish this

[buttercupjosh]

Jump Then Fall (The 4 times everyone else thinks you’re Quinn’s romantic partner and the 1 time you actually are)

(Gif credit to @gabelandeskog)

Word count: 5,045

Genres: strangers to friends to lovers

Warnings: none

A/N: I’ve had this specific idea in my mind for about 2 years but never wrote it out because I decided to write other things first and took certain things from this concept and kinda put it into my other stories but after Quinn was named captain in September 2023, I decided to write it out. (Speaking of my other stories, I did write a Quinn fic in 2022, which you should check out). The title and this story is based off of the song, Jump Then Fall by Taylor Swift. It’s set from this past week (October 7th-14th), with additional fictional elements added. (Yes, I decided to publish it on Quinn's birthday because why not?) It’s written with a female reader in mind because I’m a female of color but the reader doesn’t specifically have to be a POC or a woman and there’s little dialogue. As always, I’m open to any and all feedback, comments or questions; just put them in my inbox or dm me. Thank you so much in advance for reading, I appreciate it😌

(P.S. I have other stories (linked here) that I have written for other players as well if you want to check it out)

“I was enchanted to meet you” -Enchanted by Taylor Swift

Prologue

Losing in a fantasy sports league can come with many different types of punishment, whether it’s being forced to eat a pancake for every wrong player you picked or putting in extra money in the winning jackpot. Your punishment for losing in the fantasy sports league you participated in was wearing a very 2014 Tumblr-esque “lol ur not Quinn Hughes” shirt that your best friend got you as a gag gift for Christmas to a Canucks game. This punishment came at a convenient time when you already planned to be in Vancouver for a work conference. Accepting your fate, you proudly donned the cringey t-shirt at the game, and as expected, people did look at you weirdly. What you didn’t plan at all was that your game seats happened to be located next to where a group of some of the Canucks WAGs were sitting. Lenasia, Ethan Bear’s fiance, noticed your shirt and immediately began talking to you. You explained to her why you were wearing such a thing and that clicked an idea in her brain. Lenasia turned away, began talking again to the other WAGs she was with, and was also frantically texting someone. After a brief period, Lenasia faced back towards you and told you to wait after the game because she had a surprise for you. You had a slight inkling of what that surprise was but silently hoped that it didn’t actually come true. 

After the game was completed, Lenasia led you through the tunnels of Rogers Arena and told security that you were with her. It felt weird to hear her say that, considering that you just met her a few hours ago. You stood together outside of the Canucks locker room and the feeling of embarrassment continued to rise within you as the guys filed out, some of them laughed at your shirt and then, you saw him. Quinn was right there, less than 10 feet away from you. Your suspicions were right; you would have just settled for a signed item from him and have no interaction with him but you were actually going to meet him right now. You felt like you were going to pass out but tried your best to maintain your composure. Lenasia introduced you to Quinn and told him the same story of why you were wearing a shirt with his name on it. Quinn didn’t fully quite understand why the shirt was such a big deal but agreed to take the photo with you. He was nice enough to wrap his arm around you with a side hug and being that close together oddly felt natural and comfortable for two people who had just met for the first time. After the photo was finished being taken, Quinn kindly offered to sign your shirt so he inked his signature on your right shoulder. You thanked Quinn and Lenasia again for everything and left to return to your hotel. It was a lot to process but you were rightfully shocked that you started your night fulfilling some silly punishment and ended it by meeting the person whose name is on your shirt.

The following day, you sent the photo of you and Quinn from the night before to your friends and your friends joked in the groupchat that if you played your cards right, you might be next in line to date him. Yes, you posted about it on Instagram and tagged Quinn so everyone knew you actually met him. Since the day after you met was an off day, Quinn had some time to scroll through Instagram and he saw your post. Seeing your post led him to see all of your posts and eventually, he ended up in your DMs.

Do you always look that cute wearing someone’s name?, an Instagram message from a very familiar verified account read. You couldn’t believe it and thought you were somehow dreaming when you read Quinn’s message but it was very much real. You replied back: I guess I always do but I only wear the names of attractive guys and considering this is my only piece that has an athlete’s name, I guess you should consider yourself lucky ;) It felt odd to shamelessly flirt with a famous athlete (considering that most of them wouldn’t give you the time of day anyway) but it wasn’t like you were actually going to date him or be his friend anyway (or so you had thought).

The flirty interaction eventually led to the exchange of numbers and to a long message chain between the two of you that would extend on for months. You did return home from your trip to Vancouver and maintained a long-distance friendship with Quinn. Your friendship with Quinn was great; you trusted each other, shared some secrets, did virtual movie nights together sometimes, sent memes back and forth, told some of your closest friends and family about the other, and communicated on the phone constantly. Once of your favorite things to do with Quinn was that he would always call you during your morning commute to work and on his commute home after his games to decompress after the game. Since you didn’t live in an area where there was an NHL team, your options for seeing Quinn again in person were limited and you weren’t sure if you were going to ever see him again. It felt weird to ask about seeing each other in real life so everything was just kept online until one day, the timing was right to move things offline.

————————————————————

About a year into your friendship, the right opportunity opened up for you to return to Vancouver to see Quinn again. To the delight of many, Quinn was named Captain of the Canucks and he invited you out to his first game as Captain. You were important enough to him that Quinn wanted you to be there to celebrate that amazing accomplishment; you were surprised by the invitation but excited at the prospect of seeing him again. You used some of your remaining vacation time and paid for your plane ticket to and from Vancouver; Quinn wanted to pay for something so he placed you to stay in the nicest hotel that Vancouver has to offer. You were thrilled to spend a week in Vancouver and hopefully make some fun memories with Quinn while you were there.

Your anticipation for seeing him was slightly halted when Quinn revealed that he couldn’t pick you up from the airport because your flight arrived at the same time that he had captain responsibilities to fulfill in the community so you and Quinn agreed to meet to have dinner later on that evening. Emma, Anthony Beauvillier’s girlfriend, picked you up from the airport to take you to the hotel; you had never met or interacted with Emma before but you appreciated her kind favor. The drive from Vancouver International Airport to the hotel (which Quinn did not tell you beforehand because he wanted it to be a surprise) was normally a 30-minute drive, which turned into an hour drive due to traffic. While you and Emma waited in the rush hour traffic, you talked and learned more about her, her relationship with Anthony, what things are like in Quebec, and what it’s like to be a hockey WAG. Emma had a lot of questions about your relationship with Quinn and was curious as to why you, his romantic partner, weren’t around as much before. You corrected Emma by telling her that you and Quinn were just friends and nothing more and you came to support him as your friend. 

“Are you sure you and Quinn are just friends because he must really like you a lot to pay for you to stay here?”, Emma asked as you pulled up to the Fairmount Waterfront hotel.

You replied yes, you were just his friend and she handed you over your room keys that were passed to her through the chain of command. You thanked Emma for giving you a ride and you both mentioned wanting to hang out with each other again.

Quinn was not kidding when he told you that you would be staying at the best hotel in Vancouver; your room had spectacular views of the Vancouver Harbor and was very fancy. As you got ready for your dinner with Quinn, you began to reflect on your conversation with Emma about him. You could admit that he was endearingly handsome and had qualities that you were looking for in a boyfriend but you and Quinn never really discussed romantic pursuits and outside of that initial flirty exchange when you first started talking to each other and the occasional compliment, there wasn’t much flirting really going on between you. You had always assumed that Quinn had someone, whether it was someone in Vancouver or in Michigan, waiting in the wings for him. Your thoughts were interrupted when you got a text from Quinn that he was coming up to the room. It was happening; for the first time in over a year, you got to see your internet best friend in person and you were ecstatic. Although he had a copy of the hotel room key, Quinn knocked on your hotel room door and a smile beamed across both of your faces as you recognized who was standing at the doorway. Quinn engulfed you in a long-awaited hug and you rocked back and forth. There were many areas in his life that made him feel delighted but hearing you laugh was one of the best sounds to him and holding you in his arms was the greatest feeling.

After separating, you realized that Quinn was dressed for a night in while you were dressed for a night out. The weather app indicated that a storm was rolling in so Quinn dressed to stay in at the hotel, order food, and have a movie night, while you were willing to brave the rain to try some of Vancouver’s cuisine. Quinn thought that you looked nice and wished that he communicated to you that Vancouver storms were no joke and you looking cute in your rain jacket wasn’t going to push him to go out in such weather either. He also really wanted to spend time with you without the distractions that come from him going out in public. You agreed to order in and changed into more comfy clothes while you waited for the food to arrive. Preseason hockey was over so Quinn decided to treat himself (and you) to some authentic Chinese food from his favorite place. As you and Quinn indulged on the delicious Chinese food, you began catching up with each other on what had occurred in your lives recently. As Quinn shared what had been going on his life lately, you heard all of the words he was saying but the only thing you were thinking about was how you just wanted to be together and you would lose focus sometimes as he spoke. You and Quinn kept talking so much on so many different topics that it was almost midnight before you decided to watch a movie. You settled on watching Ferris Buller’s Day Off before drifting off to sleep.

————————————————————

For Quinn, it felt surreal to wake up the following morning next to you. After being in contact with you for over a year, here you were, right there, sleeping peacefully on the other side of the bed. Throughout the night, Quinn was respectful of your boundaries and no lines were crossed, everything was kept PG. You were awoken by the sound of water running coming from the bathroom and waited for Quinn to emerge out. After he came out of the bathroom, you discussed the day’s plan (which there wasn’t really one) and decided to go to breakfast at a very special place. Quinn still had some time off before the first game of the season so you had even more extra time to spend with him.

On the car ride to the restaurant, you began to imagine what it would be like to live in Vancouver. Sure, this wasn’t your first time there but you saw it in a different light as you were gazing outside of the car window with Quinn by your side. You arrived at your destination and Quinn got out and kindly came around to open the door for you; it was a sweet gesture that he didn’t have to do.

The restaurant was the same cafe that Quinn and Petey tended to frequent and the wait staff at the restaurant was so familiar with him, down to the point that they knew his exact order: plain buttermilk waffles topped with whipped cream, strawberries, raspberries, and sides of bacon, potatoes, and guacamole. The waitress, an older woman named Louise, reminded you of an endearing grandmother figure; she even put your meal on the house as a treat. After the meal concluded and you were on the way back to Quinn’s car, a fan was waiting right outside of the restaurant for an opportunity to meet the captain of their favorite team. The fan approached you, Quinn’s romantic partner, to take their photo together. You wanted to correct the fan for being wrong but you also could tell that Quinn wanted to get going so you let it be; besides, Quinn didn’t even hear the fan address you as his lover. Quinn later on apologized for the fan encounter but it wasn’t an issue for you, you understood who he was and the things that came with being a famous athlete and you expected something like that might happen while you were together. You continued on the rest of your spontaneous day, being touristy around Vancouver, visiting Gastown, Stanley Park, and Granville Island with the cutest tour guide.

————————————————————

Your time in Vancouver coincided with Canadian Thanksgiving. Dinner is usually held at the team captain’s house and since Quinn is the captain, dinner would be held at his place but since his apartment couldn’t quite hold the entire team, Tyler Myers offered to host dinner at his home. It was exciting to celebrate a holiday together and learn more about each other’s Thanksgiving traditions but it also made you feel a little nervous because you would be meeting more of Quinn’s teammates and spending time with their families. The Canucks team’s Thanksgiving dinner was potluck style and everyone had to bring something so you and Quinn offered to bring a dessert. You decided to make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and Quinn graciously purchased the ingredients for you and let you use his kitchen. Quinn was a good sous chef; he actually enjoyed baking with you and you both had fun together. You even got into a little squabble over who would wash the dishes before agreeing that you would wash them and Quinn would dry them. After the cookies were done, you both got ready for dinner. 

On the car ride over to the Myers house, your mind began to wander, contemplating about the domestic moment you shared earlier with Quinn and how you would want more moments like that with him. Quinn felt the same way but wasn’t sure how to verbally tell you that. Before you knew it, you had arrived at your destination. You casually mixed and mingled with the other Canucks players and their families; as expected, some of the players had kids and the kids were curious to know who you were and you explained to them that you were Quinn’s friend. Tristan, Tyler’s son, asked if you were Quinn’s lover friend and you were going to tell him no but you were interrupted by the message that dinner was about to be served so you let it go.

Despite your initial nervousness about the event, dinner actually went well and your cookies were a hit. The other Canucks players and their wives and girlfriends accepted you well into their group; they liked you for you and they liked you with Quinn. Due to the fact he’s their captain, some of the guys pushed Quinn into giving a speech and he expressed his thankfulness and gratitude on such a special holiday; he even looked at you when he mentioned how glad he was to have the people in the room as a part of his life.

During the post-dinner relaxation time, you and Quinn settled into watching the CFL game that was on before Tristan came up to ask the both of you to play hide and seek with him and his sister, Skylar. The football game wasn’t that interesting to either of you so you both agreed to play. Since you were the guest, the kids had you count first. 

As you were looking to see where Quinn and the kids were hiding, you observed around the Myers home and began to think about how this was something that you had desired to have one day; a home full of love, laughter, and children. You checked the guest room closet to see if anyone was hiding in there before greeting Quinn by shouting BOO as soon as you opened the door. Instead of stepping out to help you find Skylar and Tristan, Quinn pulled you back into the closet and shut the door for a quiet moment alone. Quinn’s heart was beating super fast, not just because you inflicted fear into him for a brief second, but also because you were close to each other inside the dark closet. You obviously couldn’t see in the darkness but Quinn kept staring at the presumed outline of your mouth because he wanted pull you closer and kiss you so bad. Quinn almost had his chance to ask but was interrupted by the sound of children’s feet pattering on the ground and the door opening. Tristan quickly corrected you that as the counter, you were not allowed to hide until it was your turn to hide. An all-too-familiar chuckle came out of Quinn and you rolled your eyes at him since he was the one who caused you to break the rules before playing another round of hide and seek with the kids.

When it was time to say goodbye, Tristan and Skylar came over to give you a departing hug and Tristan loudly said that he had fun with you, Quinn’s special friend. It warmed your heart to hear his little voice say that to you. Before dropping you off back at the hotel, you had asked Quinn if he was going to stop and get his annual Thanksgiving apple pie slice from the bakery. He had mentioned his Thanksgiving tradition to you only once but it meant a lot to him that you had remembered that. Due to the fact that you made dessert from scratch, Quinn forgot to pick up the pie beforehand to bring to the party and the bakery with the pie that he enjoyed was already closed, but it was okay. Quinn didn’t mind skipping his tradition because he got to make a new memory with you. You and Quinn had such a good time at the Thanksgiving dinner and you had quietly hoped to get the opportunity to spend more holidays together.

————————————————————

The Canucks home opener was finally here. It was both exciting and nerve-wracking for Quinn; he knew that this day was coming but it felt a little more surreal that it was actually here. Quinn’s parents, Ellen and Jim, even flew in to watch their son receive his official captaincy before jetting off to go watch Jack and Luke at the Devils home opener the following day. You felt a bit of deja vu being back at Rogers Arena, since that was the place you and Quinn had met over a year ago, but that deja vu feeling came in a good way. It was fun to watch warmups with the other WAGs and you got to see Emma again. As warmups went on, you held J.T. Miller’s son, Owen, in your arms while Natalie Miller held her daughters, Scarlett and Scottlyn, closer to the glass to give them a better view to see their father on the ice. Since the day was very busy for Quinn, the only time he got to see you was for a brief second during warmups. Quinn’s heart swelled up with joy when he saw you at the glass, holding baby Owen and he also thought you looked so stunning and beautiful in your outfit. He wanted to pass you a puck but instead, he gave you a quick wink and passed a puck to a young fan with a sign and continued to skate around. 

Warmups were over and the game was about to start soon so you went up to your seats. Instead of having you sit with the other WAGs, Quinn got you a ticket next to his parents. Of course, Quinn wanted you to meet his parents for the first time in a much more formal way but due to the limited time that you all had in Vancouver, it was slightly more convenient for you to meet his parents while at the game. It was a little awkward at first to meet Quinn’s parents because you were just Quinn’s long-distance friend and meeting the parents is a big deal but Jim and Ellen already knew who you were because you were important enough to their son that he had told them about you. Ellen mentioned to you that she suspected you were dating Quinn because he spoke so highly about you, indicating a possible crush but always shut it down by mentioning that you were just friends.

When it was time for Quinn to be introduced as captain, you got delightful goosebumps on your body because you were so proud of him. You already knew he was captain but watching some of the old Canucks captains pass the torch over to one of your best friend’s brought a rush of happiness to you; your heart even skipped a beat as he put on the jersey with the “C” on it. The game itself was amazing; the Canucks beat the Oilers 8 to 1 and Quinn had a 3-point night. Throughout little moments during the game, Jim and Ellen would ask you different questions about yourself and share tidbits about Quinn; it was nice that they were actively engaging and getting to know you. You were worried that Jim and Ellen wouldn’t like you as a person and for their son but it turns out that they enjoyed your presence and it also didn’t hurt that it was really fun to cheer for Quinn alongside his parents.

After the game was over, you, Jim, and Ellen walked down the same tunnels to the Canucks dressing room that you had walked to over a year ago when you met Quinn for the first time but this time, you weren’t as nervous to see him. Still experiencing the high from the evening’s successful game, Quinn was so ecstatic to see you, waiting for him with his beloved parents. When Quinn had invited you to come to his game, he had imagined seeing you again in those familiar halls with his parents in his mind and that moment of imagination came true. In his post-game interview, Quinn had mentioned that he would hold onto the night’s memories forever and you would also hold onto those memories in your own way too.

————————————————————

Since the Canucks had to leave for a roadtrip after their home opener and you were leaving soon, you had one last day to both celebrate Quinn’s birthday early and also to do something to say farewell to you. Instead of just a big fancy birthday/goodbye dinner, you and Quinn decided to go out for a day on the golf course and out to a casual dinner afterward; you also had to run a few errands because Quinn needed to grab some things before leaving on his upcoming road trip. Quinn picked you up to go with him to drop off his parents at the airport so that you could see them again and he wanted your opinion on some things when he went to IKEA. The car ride over to the airport was fine and Jim and Ellen didn’t mind getting in some extra time with their potential child-in-law. You and Quinn stepped out of the car to help with their bags and give his parents a goodbye hug. While you were giving the Hughes family some space and waiting in the car, Ellen whispered in her son’s ear that you were a keeper. His mother was right and Quinn had known that from the moments that he spent with you, the conversations you shared together and you were everything he ever wanted. Quinn had the keys to unlock your heart but he just needed to use them. Throughout the entire time you were there, Quinn began mentally preparing himself to confess his feelings for you somehow but those plans always fell flat because the anxiety of not being sure if you liked him romantically lingered throughout the air and he was scared to ruin the friendship you shared. He was falling for you hard but he was afraid to take that leap.

With one final wave goodbye, Jim and Ellen left for their flight to New Jersey and you and Quinn continued on the day’s itinerary. Goodbyes were always going to be a bit difficult, no matter who or what you were saying goodbye to. Quinn tried to not wear his heart on his sleeve and be strong but you could tell that Quinn was sad to see his parents go so you reached over and gently placed your hand on top of his. Quinn told you thank you and you shared a quick glance with him before arriving at IKEA. Instead of immediately telling you how he felt, you and Quinn aimlessly wandered around the large store; you had mentioned to Quinn that his apartment was missing a floor lamp in the living room so that he didn’t have to use the overhead ceiling light as much and he took you to IKEA to help him pick one out. Thursday afternoons at IKEA were quiet so it was almost like you and Quinn had the whole store to yourselves. As you walked through the store, you and Quinn looked at the different room setups and asked each other what you liked and disliked about each room setup; you also both began to imagine what it would be like to share a home together. Quinn even absentmindedly grabbed onto your hand and your fingers interlocked together for a brief second before you found the lamps and slipped your hand away to look at them. You picked out a black floor lamp that matched the aesthetic of Quinn’s apartment and continued to wander around the store until you reached the cash register. Quinn didn’t try to hold your hand again and neither of you brought up that moment for the rest of the day. Your time at the golf course was fun; being the self-proclaimed golf expert he was, Quinn did win the game. 

Quinn decided that he wanted to have his birthday dinner/last meal with you at Moxie’s. While you waited for your food to arrive, you gave Quinn his birthday gift. It was challenging to get a gift for someone who could afford plenty and rarely mentioned what they wanted so you got Quinn a signed copy of Golf Kitchen, a cookbook that included recipes from some of the most famous golf clubs around the world, and a grill set that looked like golf items; it combined two of his interests: cooking and golf. Quinn was a bit taken aback by your gift because you didn’t have to actually get him anything; your presence and time spent with him was a gift within itself. He had mentioned it before but Quinn was so grateful to have you as a part of his life and he was going to miss you tremendously once you returned home. You would miss him so much and were sad that your great time with Quinn was coming to an end; you still had an extra full day in Vancouver before your flight early Saturday but the Canucks were leaving for Edmonton on Friday after morning skate. 

After dinner, Quinn walked you up to your hotel room and you and Quinn continued to soak up all of the time you had left together as much as you could before the inevitable departure came. Before leaving, Quinn passed you a signed warm-up puck from last night’s game, mentioning that he owed it to you. You held the piece of rubber in your hand, smoothing your fingers over his signature.

“So now, you own two things with my name on it”, Quinn cheesily told you. 

You were trying to hold back your tears and masquerade your emotions but you began to sob while embracing Quinn for one last time. Quinn felt a bit emotional too and he blurted out that he was in love with you; he decided to be brave and not let the fear take over. You thought your mind was playing a trick on you when you heard him so you looked up at the green eyes that were staring and waiting for a reply from you.

“Did you just say that you’re in love with me?”, you hesitantly asked.

“Um, maybe I should have kept that to myself. I’m sor-”, Quinn rambled.

You cut Quinn off with a kiss, something that he had been waiting a while to experience with you. You repeated that you had loved Quinn back as well. A long wave of relief rushed over the both of you; the jump was worth the fall and you were there to catch him. You didn’t have to say it out loud but Quinn knew that you would always be there for him. Quinn asked if you were available to come back to visit him for Christmas and New Year’s. Maybe losing in a fantasy league wasn’t so bad after all.

[leviathan-supersystem]

You seem knowledgeable on the USSR, can you do a debunking of this post, or link me a source which debunks it?

https://www.tumblr.com/sanson-ki-mala-pe/746822120828502016/soviet-antisemitism-a-hundred-years-of-recycling

i don;t have time to address every claim made here, but it jumps out to me immediately that the source they're referencing, "More than a Century of Antisemitism: How Successive Occupants of the Kremlin Have Used Antisemitism to Spread Disinformation and Propaganda" is quite literally published by the US Department of State, and that this document in turn uses as one of it's major sources the Romanian defector Ion Mihai Pacepa, a controversial figure who's various claims have been frequently called into doubt even by those sympathetic to his cause.

for example, in this book review by the national catholic register [link], the author of the review, who is plainly sympathetic to Pacepa's anti-communist goals, nonetheless casts doubt on many of the claims he makes:

In the article “Moscow’s Assault on the Vatican,” published in 2007, Pacepa  claimed he convinced legendary Vatican diplomat Msgr. Agostino Casaroli — later cardinal and secretary of state under Pope John Paul II — to let three Romanian agents, posing as priests, peruse the papal archives. Under scrutiny, Pacepa’s story began to unravel, with doubts expressed by historians and Vatican experts. Then the reason Pacepa claimed to have credibility with the Vatican collapsed: He said he had engineered a “spy trade” in 1959, exchanging jailed Romanian Archbishop Augustin Pacha for two spies caught in West Germany. But Archbishop Ioan Robu of Bucharest showed photos of the bishop’s 1954 crypt, explaining the heroic man was already dead when Pacepa claimed to have liberated him.

[...]

Vatican diplomats Cardinals Giovanni Cheli and Luigi Poggi were involved in negotiations with Romania and the Soviet bloc. Cardinal Cheli called Pacepa’s allegations “untruthful scenarios,” while Cardinal Poggi declared them “the product of a troubled mind and soul.” Archbishop Robu, who was consecrated by Cardinal Casaroli, emphatically calls the Pacepa account false: “We would know, it would be in our memories, if Romanian spies gained access to the Vatican Archives. It didn’t happen.”

[...]

In Disinformation, Pacepa credits KGB operations with everything from plotting the assassination of U.S. President John F. Kennedy to provoking the rise of Islamic extremism. In each scenario, he portrays himself as a witness to history — when his true rank and job description would never explain access to these events or decisions.

another similarly anti-communist catholic source is the catholic review, the official publication of the archdioces of baltimore. [link] they write:

Mr. Rychlak, the author of two books on Pope Pius and World War II, said he thinks Mr. Pacepa’s account needs to be verified in the Soviet archives. “Pacepa’s timing is questionable. Why hasn’t this story been revealed until now? I hope the United States government will declassify any information it has on this important matter, to spare the time a Freedom of Information Act request takes,” said Mr. Rychlak. John Cornwell, the British author of a 1999 book, “Hitler’s Pope: The Secret History of Pius XII,” told CNS he has never heard the claims described by Mr. Pacepa and considers them “most unlikely.” “As a supporter of NATO and the Western Alliance, it’s not inconceivable the pope could have been targeted (by the KGB). But I haven’t seen any credible documents indicating anyone doctored material,” said Mr. Cornwell, whose book was criticized by church officials for its negative portrayal of Pope Pius. Former colleagues of Mr. Pacepa, 79, expressed doubts about his story. “Between 1960 and 1962, when he pretends he ran Vatican spies, he was in Bucharest, assigned as a deputy in the techno-scientific section of Securitate (the Romanian secret police), where he stayed until he defected in 1978,” said a former high-ranking Securitate officer who would not allow his name to be used. “In the chain of command he would not have had direct communication with the KGB generals. If he did, that would make him a Soviet agent, not a Romanian one,” the source added. “In 1959, Pacepa was in Germany under diplomatic cover. He was a captain in Cologne with a degree in chemistry and belonged to the techno-scientific section. Again, the KGB generals wouldn’t have taken him into consideration,” said the source, who believes Mr. Pacepa is trying to build a “mysterious aura” for himself in his later years. “Why did he wait 29 years (since his defection) to reveal this? If it’s true, it would have made so much sense to put it on the table in 1981, after the Soviet-Bulgarian plot to assassinate Pope John Paul II,” the source said. A former Romanian diplomat of the communist era, who has advised the U.S. government, expressed “deep doubts” about the account. “Pacepa is not a serious source,” said the former diplomat. “His book ‘Red Horizons’ (1988) is about one-third fiction. He takes some real facts, and then invents. “I’m afraid he is just trying to bring attention to his persona. He invokes the Vatican because the Romanian Securitate has been exhausted and is a marginal issue,” he added. “Pacepa does not document. Given the gravity of the affirmations he makes, in order to be credible, he must unveil the source, himself, or otherwise it is fiction,” said the retired diplomat.

given Ion Mihai Pacepa's overall track record, i would certainly like to see some other source verifying the various claims that the "More Than A Century Of Antisemitism" cites from him, most especially the claim that the USSR distributed copies of the Protocols in arabic in the middle east, a claim I cannot find any other source for.

Edit: also i should note that one of the major thrusts of the "More Than A Century Of Antisemitism" document is to smear all criticism of Azov in Ukraine as somehow antisemitic, which is just ludicrous. regardless of how you feel about the war in Ukraine, there are legitimate criticisms to be made of Azov Battalion and the role they have played there.

[mindwhor3]

In ruins

A/N: I don´t know if someone will read this but feel free to send me a feedback. My first published story.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language.

WC: 547

I never intended it to go this way. We had all the time in the world but the ending was so suddenly it left me speachless.

At the near end of my collage years i met her. We saw each other in passing but never got the chance to talk, until my history professor assigned us in group project. She studied art, i majored in education. My dream was to be a teacher, to inspire the generation of the future, her dream was to be a dancer, like her mother was before her. While the project lasted we talked, got to know each other. I asked for her number after a late study session on a rainy Wednesday, i first kissed her on a cold Saturday several months later. No label was ever called between us but i fell hard and fast.

A few times a week we would meet up away from praying eyes and the loudless whispers of our peers. Maybe it was the sneeking around what made this exiting but maybe i liked her too much to share. This arrengement lastet nearly one year. Right before finals she called it quits. And in the empty park on a chilly Monday i called her my everything.

But she left.

I concentrated on my studies and after my last exam i ran to her dorm. It could not end this way. I was ready to beg for a chance, a real one this time. Everyone should be able to see that i was proud to call her mine. But i never got the chance. Her roommate gave me a letter, everything that was left of her. I had´nt had the courage to open it until a drunken night a week leter.

My dearest, Yn,

i´m sorry i could´nt stay long enough to explain everythig to you like you deserved. I had the one chance to fulfill my dream and i took it. When you are reading this i´m already in Russia. I´m dancing like i promised my mother before her passing. I know you whould´ve understood but i knew that i whould´nt have been able to leave if i explained it in person. You were quickly becoming my biggest weakness and even if i don´t mind being weak with you i could´nt pass up that chance.

When we were in that park and you said that you loved me, i got the call  a few houres before. So i left without saying it back even if i really wanted nothing more.

I hope you can look at our time together and don´t be dissapointed. Maybe we see each other again. I promise i won´t let you get away that time if you will have me that is.

Don´t give up on your dream, you will be an amazing teacher.

I can´t promise it but i do hope to see you again.

All my love,

Natasha

Tears runnig down my cheek i read it a few more times. And my heart broke a little bit more each time. I called an texted but the number was deactivated. Within a single moment my whole world fell apart and in the middle oft he ruins i learned to live with it. What other choice did i have?

[manuscripts-dontburn]

Leia, Princess of Alderaan

Author: Claudia Gray

First published: 2017

Rating: ★★★★☆

In the beginning, I felt this would be simply a decent fanfiction filled with movie references and easter eggs, but I was pleasantly surprised, as I read on, that instead, this turned out to be quite a compelling portrait of a girl who grew up to be the character I loved in Star Wars so much. A very believable portrait. I was also quite captivated that the main conflict here does not center on romance or teenage rebellion, but quite well-measured and carefully thought-through discussion of the prize of an uprising, its importance and difficulty, and the hard choices those with means to oppose the evil often have to make.

The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine

Author: Ilan Pappé

First published: 2006

Rating: ★★★★★

Sombre, precise, and accessible. Also very important and heartbreaking. A clear portrait of a colonial project that is still brutally taking people´s lives, homes, and history. I still find it extremely bitter that the Zionists took so many lessons and inspiration from the Nazi regime. It is also extremely interesting that the aims, language, and strategies the Israeli government is using in the autumn of 2023 are the same as they had used in 1948. This book is even more terrible now, as we see the genocide of Palestinian people in real time.

The Maiden

Author: Kate Foster

First published: 2023

Rating: ★★★★☆

Interesting take on a real historical event. Lady Christian, accused and deemed guilty of the murder of her lover (who was also her uncle - thankfully not blood-related, but still urghhhh), a professional courtesan Violet, who hopes the said uncle might just be her ticket to a better life, and a bunch of other female characters who all have their agendas, reasons, and hopes, are all linked through ties that are only gradually revealed. In spite of revealing the murder and the death sentence of Christian at the very beginning, the author still manages to take you on a journey where there are unforeseen twists and turns. I personally could have done with less raised petticoats and sweaty fumbling, but at the same time, the grittiness and awkwardness of human sexuality are presented in a way that is very real, but never pornographic or lewd for the sake of it. Definite feminist tones are running through the whole book and I appreciate they do not turn any of the women in the book into a 21st-century robot. No. everything is very real and I am sure that many women will also find the characters relatable in their actions and motives. The book COULD have been shorter and left the same impact, but if you don´t mind slower pacing, you might enjoy this a lot.

The Escape of Alexei, Son of Tsar Nicholas II: What Happened the Night the Romanov Family Was Executed

Author: Igor Lysenko

First published: 1998

Rating:  ★☆☆☆☆

Except for reprints of some genuine documents in full (i.e. the request of Dr. Botkin for allowing Alexei´s tutors to be allowed into the Ipatiev house), there is really no value to this publication. The whole first half merely gives some basic historical background, pretty much dismisses the accounts of the executioners as faked (without proof) and then there is a lot of trying to persuade the reader that Alexei lived. this the authors came to believe based on some really low-quality photograph comparison, a privately orchestrated writing analysis, and the fact some dude grows his beard like Nicholas II. The fact that Vasily Filatov was obviously very intelligent cannot be taken into account as proof at all, especially since the writers insist he spoke languages Alexei had never been taught and played instruments Alexei had never been taught to play etc. I also found it extremely weird that they insisted Alexei survived the brutal massacre in the Iptaiev house completely unharmed. This book was, of course, written before the 2007 discovery of the two missing bodies, so perhaps the fact those bodies had been missing in the first grave was just too tempting for the writers to let go of once they were contacted by Filatov. Yet in the whole book, there is not a single suggestion as to the fate of the "missing" sister. What happened to her according to these people? I picked this book up because I am fascinated with the Romanov pretenders and how much mental gymnastics they can go to. I am never disappointed in the amount of de-lu-lu.

And the Mountains Echoed

Author: Khaled Hosseini

First published: 2012

Rating:  ★★★★★

Not one story, but many lives tying in together, all of which could have been their own book. This is, actually, one of my favourite types of novels and Khaled Hosseini managed to weave a beautiful tapestry full of sadness, desires simple and complicated, and some hefty moral questions. His characters are all so human that you can clearly see their faults and flaws, some of which are more and some less understandable to the reader, but you can always find something to relate to, care for, or pity in them. I would have wished for an ending more book-ish. But the one we get is not bad. It brought tears to my eyes. One of those books that capture life and that which makes us human.

Dostoevsky in Love: An Intimate Life

Author: Alex Christofi

First published: 2021

Rating: ★★★★☆

As I am writing this, I have only read one short story by Dostoyevsky and read only one of his novels (Crime and Punishment). I suppose I should have read a bunch more if I didn´t want to be spoiled for the rest. I imagine a proper biography on this complicated man could easily be a 1000+ pages book, so one must give credit to Alex Chrisofi for writing just about 200 and yet successfully introducing him to me. His childhood, his experiences of exile in Siberia, his ambitions to become a writer - and of course his loves, his gambling, his moral struggles - none of it is missing, everything has its place and tells enough to get to know Dostoyevsky and rouses interest to read more. As criticism, I might offer several footnotes that do not really connect to the matter at hand, and though compelling, I would be always careful before assigning a specific sentence from the author´s book to a specific moment of their life, because that is nothing but guesswork (even if effective in portraying emotions).

We Had To Remove This Post

Author: Hanna Bervoets

First published: 2021

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

This was short and that is the reason why I finished it. I suppose that is as good a review as any.

The Madman’s Gallery

Author: Edward Brooke-Hitching

First published: 2022

Rating: ★★★★★

Very entertaining, gorgeously illustrated, and left me feeling like truly walking through a gallery. I love Brooke-Hitching´s books, they are filled with funny and fascinating trivia and can point you in new directions of interest. The artworks are listed from the dawn of time up to contemporary times, finishing with a chapter about AI.

Silk Roads

Author: Peter Frankopan

First published: 2015

Rating: ★★★★☆

Money and greed rule the world, have always ruled the world and the West is really great at pretending it has always been the greatest part of the world while selling their souls for the dreams of colonialism. Peter Frankopan says all this in a very accessible way, pointing out both the obvious and providing lesser-known information. to be completely honest though, I do not think I have retained too much new stuff, since there was way too much all at once, but I suppose this book also gave me some good pointers to topics I have previously overlooked. Definitely worth checking out if you are unsure about how the world became such a mess (and actually always has been a mess). Pretty depressing with all the knowledge we have acquired and events that have happened since the publication of this book though.

Mammoths at the Gates

Author: Nghi Vo

First published: 2023

Rating: ★★★★☆

These books are such healing plasters upon my soul. A moment of peace and quiet, silent beauty, emotions that are welcomed and not repressed.

Starling House

Author: Alix E. Harrow

First published: 2023

Rating: ★★★☆☆

Things I liked: the writing, the atmosphere, the creepy old house. Things I did not particularly care about: the contemporary settings, the characters who all just seemed to fulfill a spot rather than actually live in the book. Things I did not like: repetitive situations. Overall I will need to think about this one a bit more before I come to a truly solid conclusion. Some time ago I was not thrilled with the author´s debut book, yet I keep thinking about it. Mabe this will be the same case?

[annaofthenorthernlights]

Fierce and Feisty Friday

Rules: Post a snippet from one of your fics (can be published or WIP) featuring a fierce and/or feisty character this Friday or next, then tag some people so they can share, too! (Feel free to use the banner if you want!)

Thanks @annas-hair-donut for tagging me!

tagging (feel free to ignore) @firawren @justfrozenthings @luthien-under-bough @sidepartskinnyjeans

I´s like to allow myself and jump onto @annas-hair-donut bandwagon to post a snippet from one of my WIPs for Frozen-smut-week...

~~~~~

Here´s the snippet from "Take me to the pond", a kristanna canon diverted post F2 fic (mind, their wedding is scheduled a week from here).

“Please, come and swim with me.” She had asked quietly.

He had wanted nothing more than that, yet… he had always considered never to force Anna to… well… in his dreams, it was different.

Kristoff stood a bit forlorn. His mind was racing between yanking off his clothes and pulling Anna flush close in no matter what way they´d be going to do – or maybe he should check on Sven who was grazing on the grass field near the grotto.

“I don´t know… maybe I should…” he pointed somewhere behind him with his thumb though his eyes were hypnotized on her. Anna had turned around and asked him to help her with her dress.

Kristoff could not remember who he had done it. Unlacing her bodice, the tiny buttons so excruciatingly difficult to open. But he had done it, and her skirts came off easier than he had ever imagined. When she turned to face him again, her face was glowing with excitement.

“I know you don´t like baths…” She started to undo his sash, her tongue sweetly stuck between her lips, and when she took the fabric off his waist, she looked up and clung the sash between her hands. “There are so many things we must attend now, and so much will be to take care off. You have no idea of how grateful I am we got granted those few days to ourselves before the great commotion will begin next week. The ceremony, the banquet, and the official meetings… it will cost us so much energy and nerves. To be honest, I fear that I will be too worked up and exhausted to… well… to be able to appreciate and savor… you know…. our wedding night. I was hoping that we could… here… away from all the havoc…”

Oh… yes…

“I´d love to swim with you, my darling!” Kristoff gently took the sash from her hands, lifted her fingers to his lips to peck a kiss to her almost trembling knuckles. How sweet she was, and so feisty to make that move. And her smile now breaking free from her rosy lips made him happy.

[oftenthehumblekind]

hiii im a fairly new fan of the arctic monkeys and was scrolling through your blog, you mentioned in some tags the tbhc wasnt fully realized and was wondering what happened/what you meant by that if you dont mind me asking 🥺?

hi! it’s kind of a long story, but at the start of TBHC, the band was pretty committed to the “70s aesthetic” of it all, especially alex, who tends to take on a ‘persona’ during album eras. i don’t want to delve into too much, but he broke up with his then-girlfriend in 2018 after dating for three years and he shaved his head, removing himself from the “70s lounge singer” persona altogether by dressing differently too, which was pretty jarring to see throughout the rest of the tour in 2018/2019. i suppose from then on, everything felt off, like their hearts weren’t really in it as much as before, if that makes sense? 

you can also tell because they stopped making MVs afterwards. TBHC only got like... 2 music videos. it seemed like they were setting up an intricate storyline with them but it just dropped off after that, and there were rumours surrounding a third video for one point perspective but it never happened either

the album was such a special one with a really unique sound and theme, and it meant a lot to me and many others, so it was quite a bummer when it didn’t feel like it was fully realised at all by the end of the tour

[nautiscarader]

Ladynoir 5

(Ao3)

In her young adult life, Marinette had to do a lot of running away. She has been chased by monsters, wild animals, sentient toasters, reanimated snowmen and many more outlandish foes. But perhaps the worst of them came from an unexpected source.

Marinette had to grow into becoming a public figure, becoming one almost overnight. And seven years later she has learned many PR tricks some politicians still had to. But it all suddenly changed last week, thanks to one darn photo that put her relationship with journalists, bloggers and anyone with a smartphone upside-down.

She was shocked when she saw it on Ladyblog, published by one of many independent sources. And even though Alya might have blocked publishing it, dozens other services already did. By next day, it was everywhere.

Ladybug and Chat Noir, hidden in a supposedly shadowed alcove above streets of Paris, kissing, their limbs entangled in what certainly wasn't just a friendly smooch, but a prelude to a much lewder act. And Marinette remembered it well, smiling every time as she remembered Chat's raw passion that followed… But now every time she looked at it, her heart sank, knowing their private rendez-vous spot has been compromised, and so was their relationship.

And now they were chased by the most ravenous group of monsters they have encountered: paparazzi. One would have thought that the ability to yo-yo oneself onto a rooftop, or perform spectacular pole jump with a magical baton would make their escape easier, but nope.

They had drones.

And while some of the journalists respected their privacy, the clickbait-hungry ones did not, eager to get even a piece of saucy moment between the two.

"My lady, do you have any idea where to hide? I don't mind showing my cute visage to the world, but too much love can kill you, as they say."

Marinette groaned and reached for her yo-yo, dialing Alya.

"Alya, we need some way to escape YOUR friends.", she spoke harshly into her communicator.

"MY friends?!", Alya barked back, "You do know I have way more saucy dirt on you two than all the stations and sites combined?"

Marinette sighed.

"Right, right, sorry.", she apologised, "It's just-"

"Okay, girl, I got ya. Head down to Rue Buffonade, that's where I'm parked. There are no CCTV cameras there. That's why I park here."

The two heroes did a sharp turn and disappeared into the narrow alley, hoping their pursuers, both in the air and on the ground were left behind.

And when they reached a familiar news van, they saw… each other.

At the same time as they landed, fake Chat and Ladybug jumped into the air, with Alya following them, drawing the attention of a small crowd of bloggers and their flying equipment eager to snap a photo.

"Honestly, pretty easy to cloud people's minds", they heard Alya's voice as Rena Rouge emerged from the shadows, her flute still in her hands. "Now get inside."

She opened the back door to the van, nagging them with quick gestures.

"Thanks, Alya, we owe you one."

"No problem, Ladybug." Alya saluted her, and scooted away, only to turn back one more time. "Oh, and don;t make too much of mess inside…"

"ALYA!", Ladybug opened her eyes wide. "We're-we're not gonna-"

"Relax, I know how much trouble we gave you…", she giggled and left flabbergasted Ladybug and her boyfriend climbing into TV van.

Chat and Ladybug climbed into the cramped TV van, half of it filled with electronic equipment. And when Ladybug closed the door, she could finally take a well-deserved deep breath as she nested in Chat's arms.

"It's all my fault", he suddenly spoke, "If I wasn't so horny that night…"

"Don't blame yourself, kitty.", Ladybug reassured him, "Blame the stupid peeping Tom."

"Shame our place has been busted, I liked it."

"Yeah."

She turned her head and stroked his ear, and before she knew it, they were kissing, their lips seeking much needed solace and love.

But Chat very quickly realised Ladybug wasn't just in need of a kiss, as she climbed his laps, her hands already roaming his chest, as she got comfortable in swivelling chair Alya or one of her collegues would usually sit in.

"My- my lady!", Chat opened his eyes wide, "Here? Out of all places?"

"What?", she r eplied with a cocky smirk, "No one wpould think to search for cam era-avoiding folks in a TV van."

She gently pressed her crotch against his, already feeling his boner.

"Chat… I need you."

Before they knew it, her lips were on his, his hands on her ass and her legs firmly locked behind his back. Marinette did not mind when Chat pressed her against the cold metal of the desk, as it meant she could feel truly how much he missed her as well.

When after their long, ravenous kiss, she opened her eyes, Marinette was not surprised that their costumes were gone, their desires having gotten rid of the pesky layer of clothing separating their almost completely naked, horny, hormone-filled bodies.

And as she looked into Chat's green eyes, staring at her from underneath his black mask, she could see the raw desire and passion the two young adults have been depraved of, understanding each other without words.

Ladybug let out a short gasp when Adrien gently pushed her up, letting her legs spread more, as he slipped inside her without any difficulties, her pussy positively soaking from their abstinence and the sheer need of intimacy as if he spent an hour licking her in a form of meticulous foreplay.

But they didn't have time for that. They needed their quick fix, they needed to find their solace and fulfilment. And with Chat's first groan and move of his hips, they both knew they were on a path straight to it.

His fingers dug into her ass as he fucked her, sampling the moans from her lips coming with each aggressive, animalistic thrust as Chat claimed her. His kisses soothed the raw nature of their meeting, but Ladybug herself turned it back feral digging her nails into his back, and peppering his neck with kisses, letting her spill some carefully chosen words into his twitching ears.

"Take me. Fuck me. Please, Chat, I need you…" she repeated as pressure built up in her loins.

She did not care that the van was clearly wobblying with each of Chat's hard thrusts, nor the fact that he was taking her raw. All that it mattered was that they were together…

"La-Ladybug!", Chat suddenly announced, "I'm-"

"Inside!", she demanded at once. "Don't you thi-think of pulling out."

She cupped his face and spoke looking directly at him.

"Give me all you've got!"

And with his final grunt, he delivered exactly what she wanted. Her body thrashed and spasmed a moment before his tip erupted deep inside her, the first batch of his potent, virile seed only sending her further into quaking and shaking mess.

She was unabashedly loud, knowing she can be, praising Chat for his work, demanding more and more with each batch of seed he pumped as deep as possibly could, spraying it inches from her womb, his thick cock preventing any of it from spilling as long as he stayed inside.

And stayed inside he did. A minute, then two, then three… And all this time, his orgasm continued, his load strengthened by his animal powers, in turn making his lady go through equally powerful climaxes, walls of her pussy clamping down to sap every drop of his cum and lead it into her womb.

Once her voice was gone from all the shouting, their lips met again in long kiss as they climbed down their shared peak, gently collapsing onto the metal floor as the strength of their bodies have been sapped.

"You know…" , ladybug whispered, her breath still short from the powerful climax, "Maybe… we should just rent a hotel room and put on regular masks?"

"That… that sounds like a good plan, my lady", he wheezed back, "Or maybe we can just tie the knot and ditch masks? What do you say?"

"That will only bring MORE journalists and nagging questions…", she smiled, her voice cracking slightly at his proposition, "But I wouldn't say 'no'…"

And with that, the two kissed again, savouring the rare moment of peace and tranquillity.

In the next few weeks, just like she predicted, their life did not get any easier, especially with the two finally deciding to announce their relationship and engagement. And the barrage of journalists pursuing and asking them sensitive questions only worsened further down the line, as Ladybug's belly started growing with Chat's seed, only adding fuel to the fire.

There was no illusion to hide that, but at least Parisians finally got a definitive answer to whether the most famous duo "have done it". And oddly enough, one day, as the two posed for a new photo, with Chat closing his arm protectively around Ladybug's belly, pregnant with his kittens, Marinette found she was suddenly more than happy to deliver these news. She almost wished some asked her about the details…

And then there was Alya, with the biggest conundrum of her professional life. She had Chat Noir, not only kissing, but fucking and impregnating Ladybug, captured in stunning HD, in her own van, thanks to the camera they accidentally turned on on that fateful day.

And she couldn't do anything with it.

Maybe she will give it to them as their wedding gift… And they better make her the godmother!

[todomochi-uwu]

Of Unspoken Troubles & New Threats (2.5/3)

Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader

Warnings: Angst, and pls don’t kill me

Author’s Notes: Some of yall are going to be real pissed off and I can feel it in the back of my mind, but I didn’t want to cut it out, I wanted to build up the tension to the maximum! Don’t worry, tomorrow the next and FINALE part will be published, for now enjoy this. (I had already published this, but it wasn’t showing in the tags, and I’m about to cry)

“Take it, not so much of a threat, but as a warning.”

Previous parts: First Second

Since the very first second Ushijima had noticed the sudden raising friendship between you and the Nekoma captain lots of ill-mannered thoughts had started forming in the back of his head. Like, what would happen if he were to spike right into Kuroo’s head when he turned around? Or would it affect much his opponent’s game if he were to, I don’t know, break every single one of his fingers? Fumes seemed to come out of his ears, his spikes were harder than ever, his voice became even lower and the pressure he was putting on his team was becoming a little too excessive.

“What the fuck is up with Ushijima?” Semi said, hand on his knees, barely being able to breathe. 

Reon sat on the floor, trying to stabilize himself, “That’s what I want to know, what has got him like this? None of these teams is a threat to us.”

Tendou let out a giggle while throwing his head back in exhaustion, “It appears manager-chan has stroked a nerve in our dear miracle boy.”

“What do you mean?” Shirabu said while trying to crack his spine without causing even more damage.

“Look over there.” The red-haired man pointed to the other side of the gym, where you sat analyzing some of the game plans and notes you had made, while Kuroo sat next to you, chin resting on top of your head, casually caressing your back.

Goshiki furrowed his eyebrows, “What is Nekoma’s captain doing with our manager?”

“I didn’t know they were that close.” Tendou said, “But this new ship seems to be stressing the fuck out of our captain, the poor boy doesn’t know how to react to jealousy, I don’t think he has ever experienced it before, at least not to this extent.”

“Wait! Ushijima san likes Y/N-chan?” Goshiki looked wildered, expressing himself louder than he should. 

“Shh, man keep it low! We don’t want lover boy hearing us!” Shirabu smacked the back of the next inline ace.

“So, what’s the plan? Are we going to help them out? Like get them together or something?”

“Nope.” Tendou simply said. 

Everyone looked at him confused, did he not want Ushijima to go back to normal? “Don’t get me wrong, all this training is killing me, but I think our ace needs to learn how to take care of his significant other, to know Y/N has a limit no matter how much they love him.”

Goshiki eyes widened in shock, “Wait, wait, wait so they are already…” The harsh smack of a ball made them all turn around, Ushijima was there looking directly at them, the stern look in his face said everything.

“God fucking dammit, I hope all of this is worth it,” Semi said under his breath, everyone agreeing with him in his mind.

Things hadn’t gotten any better, every hour Ushijima only seemed to be getting worse, more laps, more blocks, more sets, it wasn’t until the sound of a whistle was heard all across the room that the entire team sighed in relief.

-

“Hey, boys! Good job today, I think we have improved, I don’t have any commentaries other than to tell you to please enjoy your meal and rest well, you guys deserve it.” You smiled with sympathy, by the looks in their faces they were about to pass out. Oh Ushijima, what in the hell are you doing? You thought. 

As they started scattering around and leaving the gym you noticed that Ushijima was not going with them, “Do you need anything, Ushijima-san?”

“Are we meeting outside at midnight?” He said. 

Your eyes lighted up for a second, butterflies flying in your stomach, but the reality was quick to hit you and bring you back to earth, “I don’t have any notes for you to revise, the boys did well today, nothing left for me to say, so no.” 

He furrowed his eyebrows, “I’m not talking about that.”

“Then why would we meet later? There’s nothing for us to discuss.” You grabbed your things, making sure not to leave anything behind.

“Y/N…” He attempted to stop you.

“Ushijima-san, I highly suggest you going to the cafeteria, you need to recover, they are serving rice and curry today.” You gave him a slight smile.

“Y/N…” He tried again, but this time, someone else entered the scene, interrupting him, “Chibi-chan…” His tone was melodic. 

“Kuroo-san.” You greeted him.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were busy.” He said, in faux innocence. “I can come back if you want.” 

“No, I was just telling Ushijima we were done with today’s work.” You said rushing out the door, no looking back.

Kuroo could only follow you. 

-

The night was restless, Ushijima kept turning and squirming, anxiety was now invading his dreams, trembles ran down his body, his breathing was agitated and his heart running down miles per hour, his thoughts could not be appeased and he didn’t know what to do. The idea of you leaving him would not abandon his mind; seeing you with another man, laughing, smiling, had taken a toll on him; and to top it all you had rejected him. His mouth was dry and his hands wouldn’t stop shaking, maybe a quick trip to the bathroom would help him calm down. 

As quiet as possible, he opened the door, hoping to control his anxiety, only to be met with something that only made him even more nervous. You and Kuroo. In front of the manager’s room, talking quietly but so closely, the sole scene made him want to gag. He stared at you for a couple of minutes before Kuroo finally left you to go inside, and made his way down the hall, to meet with Ushijima.

“Hey Ushiwaka, didn’t see you there, it’s kind of late, go to sleep you must be tired.” The smirk on Kuroo’s face was like a slap in the face to the other captain.

“That manager of yours sure is a hard worker.” Kuroo said, staring directly into the ace’s eyes, “Must be nice to have her, it would be such… a shame if someone were to steal her away, right?” Kuroo said, his tone was dangerous, his words dripped in venom.

Ushijima could only glare at him, no words came out of his mouth.

“Take it, not so much of a threat, but as a warning.” With that, Kuroo left.

-

The same thing was repeating the next day, no matter how sore Ushijima’s muscles felt, he wasn’t planning on stopping. His head wouldn’t stop repeating last night’s scene. You and Kuroo. Kuroo and you. Late night. Close. Together. It was getting under his skin and he didn´t know how to deal with it, not when you were distancing yourself from him.

“Ushijima I think you should talk to her, this isn’t healthy.” Tendou knows he kind of deserves it, but he couldn’t help but worry for him.

Ushijima didn´t know what to say, “I tried, she rejected me.”

“Make an effort, follow her around just like she always does, you can´t expect her to forgive you if you don´t even try.” Tendou nudged him, trying to cheer him.

Ushijima sighed, conflicted, he knew he had done you wrong, but he wasn’t aware of how bad he had fucked up until now. He was sorry, there was no doubt, but he didn’t know how to express it. 

-

“Gather round boys!” You called out for the team, “For today’s schedule you will be going against, mmm let me check… Oh, Nekoma.” And to this, the entire team had tensed up, even more, fuck, this was going to be a very bad idea.

Nekoma approached, gathering up and stretching out before the “friendly” match, checking out the system they were going to follow throughout the game. Kuroo jogged to your side.

“Should I expect your captain to go all out?” He said.

“Please tell them to be careful, Ushijima is so tense, just as the rest of the boys, so be careful.” 

“You sound like you think I’m not capable of blocking out his spikes.” He teased.

“Kuroo.” You warned him.

“I know, I know.” He cracked the back of his head, “Okay, let the match begin.”

Tags: @samanthaa-leanne @missalienqueen @anime-weeb-bnha @minnieminnie00-got7 @ama-suhen @iiwah @saeranoppa @4ambagelbites @sunaswife @puma-d-a @lionhearteddame @ix-elastix @dudejuststop @pruemania @salty4tsukki @wonderblogger @animexholic @kenmascateyes @aralynxo @decaffeinatedcheesecakemiracle @tsibba01 @softkookyy @nnessworls @xxitsaeonxx @hallothankmas @sinex @shinhiromi @killuaking @icedberrytea @foreverdebbie​ @nati-08​ @amoursa​ @lilolpotato​big @bigtitmisfit​ @itzgabz22​ @holographicwriter​ @aonenthusiast​ @flmshneverbreaks​ @yeolliedokai​ @cyber3lf​ @lyrxbz​ @nikkiandherrandomshits​ @josieveli​ @ryk-iok​ @lueurdeespoir​ @vee-77​ @keiwaii​

[amindofstone]

It´s the way....

a/n: Hello there. Guess what! Your author is actually alive!! Well somehow alive…. Right now with a huge uncomfortable feeling growing inside of her because she has acrophobia and will be flying on a vacation with her family right at the time of her exams. YEAHIIIII. And yes, while others will simply walk around with a cute tiny handbag or nothing beside their phones and passport, I will be walking around with a huge back because of my laptop and iPad on the airport. NICE!!! While everyone else will be enjoying the holyday I will be in the hotel crying because of exams. I love my life. But other than that I am doing good. I will be watching AOT on the plane after I managed to forget that there won´t be stable ground below my feet. But honestly I can´t wait to spend some good quality time with my family even if it´s not that long.

Anyways as a littly apology for not working on my list of imagines and match ups I made this little thing. I hope yall will like it. Happy reading my dear readers! <3

Genre: anime imagine?/scenario?/headcanon?

Characters: Shanks, Ace, Zoro, Sanji, Usopp, Luffy, Nami, Kid, Law, Robin, Sabo

Words: 769

Info: I apologize for grammar or spelling mistakes since English is my third language and I am still trying to improve in every aspect. Please have mercy on that. Thank you.

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Ask me if this is shared or published in any other way or platform. Please respect me and my work. Translating my work is not allowed. Please respect my decision as the author. Picture is not mine. Credits to the rightful owner. (Please tell me if you know who did it, so I can give full credits.) Thank you. !!!

· It´s the way Shanks knows when you don´t feel right and stands close to you with his arm loosely hanging around your shoulder. It´s the way he takes your hand and intertwines your hands when you dock on an island. It´s the way he always makes sure that you are aware of the fact that you are the only one for him.

· It´s the way Ace knows when to slow down and lay next to you for a deep 2 AM talk. It´s the way he not only treats you like his girlfriend but also his best friend and life companion.

· It´s the way Zoro always watches over you even when everything is perfectly fine. It´s the way he always has an eye on you so he can be there and help you carry the box of supplies the strawhats purchased even tho you are perfectly able to take care of it. It´s the way he treats you like a princess that shall be protected at all cost. It´s the way he always appears out of nowhere and fights your fights for you. And whenever you tell him that you are able to take care of yourself he would always reply with “I know that you can but there is no need for you to fight and get in trouble when you have me.”

· It´s the way Sanji knows what exactly you like to eat and what not. It´s the way he knows what ingredients you like in which dish and where not. He knows what you crave when it´s that time of the month again. It´s the way he taught you self-love and taught you to be brave. It´s the way he does not treat you like a princess but rather like a queen. It´s the way he can read your eyes and look straight into your soul.

· It´s the way Usopp knows how to keep you entertaint even in the most critical situations. Even when you feel absolutely horrible and are about to burst into tears. He knows how to make you feel better. No matter if it´s in a romantic or funny way. He understands your mental state. He understands you and your mind better than you do.

· It´s the way Luffy always looks for you and even screams your name from the top of his lungs out of excitement when they dock on a new island. It´s the way he always asks for your well being no matter what or where they are. It´s the way he always shares his food with you by giving you the first bite of whatever he is eating.

· It´s the way Nami shares childhood memories with you that show how much she appreciates and trusts you. She gives you little details about her hometown that let her eyes shimmer and her face glow with love. It´s the way she listens to you talk about your past without asking any question but rather only giving you the feeling of being heard and respected.

· It´s the way Kid always crafts you metal flowers whenever you two fight and end up not talking to each other for days. It´s the way he enters you cabin without a word or a knock on the door and leaves the metal flower on a table and leaves right after looking at your face for a second.

· It´s the way Law always searches for you whenever stress and exhaustion gets the best of him. It´s the way he enters your cabin and takes a seat at the end of your bed, silently waiting for you to allow him to put his head on your lap. It´s the way he snuggles on your tight and puts your hand on top of his head to show you that he wants you to go through his hair.

· It´s the way Robin always encourages you to talk about one of the last poems you read and analyzed. It´s the way she also reads the novels you read so she can talk with you about it. It´s the way she learns the things you are into so you don´t feel left out and alone.

· It´s the way Sabo always brings you little souvenirs after he finishes his missions and comes back. It´s the way he always makes you sit between his legs whenever you read another novel while he goes through some reports he has to take a look at. It´s the way he always laughs when he catches you being shocked when a character does something surprising or a plot twist occurs. It's the way he takes your hand in his and places a kiss on its back when you get sad over the death of one of your favourite characters.

[capitainelevi]

Some angsty (not including DEATH) Rivetra Modern AU pls👉👈

Hello!! ❤️

After ages, I have finally published the first part of your prompt! Stay tuned for the angst! ❤️

Missing someone I've never seen

Levi's dreams torment him, and his patient, Eren, constantly tells him they are a pathway to hidden memories. But what happens when the object of his dreams enters his life? Would Levi finally trust Eren? Would Petra remember them?

Modern reincarnation AU

AO3 link

Snippet:

"Don`t you dare die on me, Ral."

He can see the faint tears in her amber orbs as she takes his hand and places it on her chest, so he can feel her heart pulsate. So he can feel her hopes and dreams and worries and fears reaching out to him. She is beautiful and warm and so alive in his arms. She smiles at him, with the promise of a future for the two of them on her lips. He cups her cheek to wipe the tears rolling down her soft skin, and he leans in to devour her lips for possibly the last time when his vision goes black.

Levi awakens abruptly with a heavy heart and her name on his lips. He lays back on his bed and stares unawarely at his ceiling, trying to calm his fluttering heart. He shuts his eyes in another feeble attempt to get another glimpse of the ghost, but she is slipping through his fingers like mist. Just like she always does.

He does not recall her first appearance in his mind, but a few months away from it, Levi is convinced she is there to stay. His dreams and thoughts became her playground, and Levi found himself a servant to an unknown master. He supposed it was ironic for a man of science such as himself plagued by such things, but if he were honest, it was far from being the weirdest occurrence in his life.

It all started with the brat.

[kireilixie]

i. Bittersweet Vanilla | Bang Chan x Reader

° 𐐪𐑂 synopsis: Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Right person, wrong time?” You and Chan would have made such a perfect couple had your destinies and dreams not gotten in the way. With no assurance of what you each truly felt for one another you both struggle to keep each other grounded among the different obstacles you face.

° 𐐪𐑂 genre: idolverse, angst, childhood friends, pro swimmer! reader

° 𐐪𐑂 warning(s): mentions of abuse, trauma, insomnia, anxiety attacks, depression, death of a family member

° 𐐪𐑂 8k words

° 𐐪𐑂 author's note: Hello! I am extremely sorry that this was published late, but unfortunately, my other priorities in life came up so I had to push back the release and editing. As you know, bittersweet vanilla is a fic I released a year or so ago. This is a fic I hold dear to my heart, and I was a bit disappointed with how I had written it, especially with the multiple plot holes and gaps. This led me to rewrite and expound on the development of both reader and Chan, this fic will hold the same plot as the previous fic but will be much more detailed compared to the original one. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy and show this fic some love!

series | next | ao3 | Spotify playlist

Such a simple yet comforting flavor

A few blocks from school, two from your swimming club and one from the street you lived on, was an ice cream parlor. Winter’s Star was a place of comfort for both you and Chan, albeit not being that popular for its remote location. It had begun a small tradition and routine for you both.

Ice cream after swim training had become a norm for you both, despite the strict healthy diet your father had established for your growth as a swimmer. You would both intentionally opt not to take the bus and walk to the parlor as to walk off the calorie intake you’d get from the dessert as to get your father off your case.

Every time you’d visit, Chan would dash in, beaming over the glass in excitement at the variety of flavors, selecting a different flavor for every visit, a stark difference to your simple preference of classic vanilla.

And every visit, Chan would tilt his head and pout in confusion, asking why you’d get that every single visit. And each time you’d reply, “I’m paying, and I like it that’s why.” rolling your eyes as he sighs at your boring nature.

Though one evening, after practice had ended a bit later than usual, you can see him deadpan at the sight of the creamy white of your vanilla ice cream. And though he doesn’t ask, you decide to explain, “I’d simply not want to risk trying something new, and honestly I just like sticking with what I’m comfortable with.” You shrug, popping a spoon of the comforting flavor into your mouth.

Chan doesn’t ponder much at your explanation nor does he reply that day, too exhausted to think of one.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

This routine of yours had begun the summer before middle school. Moving a lot at a young age, Chan had found it difficult to get settled into the new atmosphere, with his distinct features, he barely fit in. Therefore he found himself once again in the corner of his new school’s swim club unsure of how to apply and whom to approach.

His eyes wandered around, observing the different children doing laps and warming up. Swimming was a sport he and his father enjoyed, and it had made his father extremely happy that he had taken enough interest in it to compete in the said sport.

“Oi, newbie, what are you doing here?” The smaller boy flinched at the loud voice, turning towards the source. He sighs, here we go again, the nine-year-old boy thought.

“I c-came t-to a-apply for the swim club.” The boy managed to softly stutter out, eyes downcast, feeling intimidated by the difference in height.

“And at your puny size, ya think ya can swim fast-”

“Oi, why don’t ya shut up Jacob? A big dumb bully like yourself can’t beat me and here you are trying to scare the newbie, being all talk. Why don’t you stop wasting your time picking on new people and spend it practicing and trying to improve your times.” Chan widened his eyes as he turned to the female voice that had interrupted the confrontation.

He was shocked to see a girl around his age, twirling her goggles around her fingers as she approached Jacob, as she had called him, and his crew that currently surrounded the smaller boy.

Jacob, quite flustered with the unknown girl’s statement, attempted to come up with a good comeback but failed to do so as he muttered, “Why’re you butting in L/n, don’t you usually mind your business?” Eyes avoiding yours in the process.

“And so, what if I decide to butt in? Does your ego inflate at hounding the new kid? If it isn’t going to make you swim faster, I suggest you get your butt moving.” The smaller girl scoffed, raising her eyebrow at them, daring them to cross her.” I suggest you all get moving before I call the coach and tell him you’re slacking, wouldn’t want to swim extra laps now?”

Before Chan could even blink, they’re all dashing off into their respective sides of the pool. The transferee chuckled at that, in awe at the confidence the girl carried. She introduced herself, (Y/N) (L/N) he had learned that day, specialized in free, though claimed to be preparing herself for Individual medley.

Chan introduces himself as well, mentioning that he specialized in butterfly. At the revelation, her eyes glowed in excitement as she tugged the smaller boy towards her father.

“Dad! He swims butterfly! He can complete the relay!” Chan observed, fascinated by the complete 180 in her vibe, wherein the confidence and intimidation she had carried earlier, now dissipating to something more suited for a fellow nine-year-old.

She bounces in excitement, tugging at the end of her father’s shirt, to garner his attention. “We can finally have a relay!”

Finishing his conversation on the phone, her father turned towards the pair, raising an eyebrow at her daughter’s excitement. Bending down to their height the older man asked for Chan’s name, to which he replied a soft ‘Christopher Bang’ at this the older man’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You’re that boy that broke the record for the 50 m freestyle swim! Your dad called me earlier to inform me that you had transferred here and wanted to join, fill this up, and (Y/n) here can show you your lockers and the shower rooms to change.”

“Really! What’s your time?! Ugh, I hope it’s not faster than mine.” You had frowned at him, enthusiasm and competitiveness lighting her e/c hues at the revelation of a broken record in her specialty. “Come on, you change, then we race. Loser has to buy ice cream.”

You raced five times and lost all five. It had frustrated you though at the same time had triggered a new type of excitement at the knowledge of someone who would no longer shy away from your competitiveness.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

Since your first meeting, Chan had indeed become a huge influence and development in your already hectic life. It had shifted your dynamics and attitude towards the sport you had dedicated your life to since you could walk.

Before meeting Chan, you had little to no drive when it came to training and warmups, accustomed to the fact that no one could come close to you in your age range and category. Though now, with the Korean-Australian around, not only did it shift your energy towards the sport, but something had shifted in your relationship with your father along the road.

Your father was a loving man, dedicated to his daughter and bedridden wife, he had been applauded far and wide for raising such a talented daughter dedicated to a sport he too had once dedicated himself to.

It may have seemed that way to the public. However, during the early stages of your childhood, your mother had been in and out of the hospital, something that your five-year-old self couldn’t have understood nor questioned. Living comfortably with the income your father had as a coach and your mother’s family inheritance, your father had opted to hand you over to nannies and private chauffeurs to ensure that you were busy and occupied.

Among the multiple extracurriculars your father had enrolled you in, you had been six when your interest in swimming had peaked. At the discovery of your interest, it had only been then when your father had decided to become more attentive and present in your childhood.

In awe of how quickly you picked up the technique and the different styles, your father had enthusiastically enrolled you into more classes and going further as to fix your diet around the sport, proudly declaring he would raise an Olympian in his stead.

At the age of seven, he had entered you into your first tournament, there you had gotten gold, and honestly, that didn’t matter. What mattered was the warm embrace your father had given you.

Shortly after the tournament, you had arrived home, surprised to see that there had been more staff present as well as unfamiliar people dressed in pajama-looking attire and some donning a white coat.

Soon your nanny leads you into a room faintly smelling like medicine and cleaning materials, it made your nose sting. Though what caught your eye was the bedridden figure connected to multiple machines next to her, sunken eyes, and ghastly figure, you had not been able to recognize your mother.

Having little to no memories of the woman that had given birth to you, made you blink back tears as she called you, voice frail and raspy “Y/n? Is that you? My how big you’ve grown.”

You had slept in her room that night, the soft beeping of monitors and machines lulling you to sleep as you dreamed of picnics and beach trips had faith decided not to be so cruel.

It was then when you promised yourself to bring your mom more medals if it meant spending more time with her. Each tournament you’d finish, you would run in, carefully avoiding wires and the nurses, beaming in excitement about the race and how good you did.

“Are you happy?” She had said to you one day.

“Of course! I just wish you could come to see me swim.” You smile, understanding bits and pieces of her condition, you had never been that good in science.

“Do you have friends in school? Spend time with them, instead of here with me.” The statement confused you, remembering how your father had ensured that you were picked up from and to, preventing you from having playdates, with the statement that they would be mere distractions to your training.

“No not really, but I like being here with-”

“Y/n, you should be living your childhood alright, can you promise me that, love?” She raises her hand to your cheek, caressing it softly.

“Okay, I will, mom.”

A few days after that conversation, you had met Chan, a boy who would, later, be your north star.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

Chan was never careless, especially when it came to things like equipment and his stuff in general, he was always so thorough when it came to packing, so it was rare to see him coming back to school to get something he had forgotten.

What he also hadn’t expected was to see you here as well, fully knowing that your father had a private pool in his residence used not only to train you but as well his private students.

“You had been getting too comfortable, look at your weight, look at your times.” Chan hears your father’s voice from the locker rooms, the Korean Australian hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but with how loud your father’s voice echoed it was hard not to do so. “Do you think your mother would be proud?”

“She said, I should make friends-”

“YOUR MOTHER IS SICK.” Chan flinches at your father’s loud voice as it echoes.

“She’s sick, just because she says something it doesn’t mean you should follow through.” Your father’s voice softens this time, exhaustion peeking through.

“Friends? You’d be distracted and before you even know it. You’d be toppled off that little podium of yours.” He pauses, scoffing. “Don’t make me regret allowing you to hang out with the Bang boy. Beat his times, don’t get too comfortable just cause you’re topping your bracket.”

Chan doesn’t realize he’s been holding his breath till he hears both your footsteps as you exit the hall. What he’s heard has left him baffled, you weren’t exactly talkative when it came to your family affairs, you never seemed to be so bothered either.

The Korean-Australian remembers faintly the rumors that followed your persona. All about your reluctance when it came to making friends, never taking into consideration that perhaps your father had played a part in your icy exterior and reputation.

No wonder most of the kids in your academy had been so shocked to see you interact and talk with the transferee, knowing that you had never been the type to prefer company.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

It wasn’t like you to be so careless either, you were quite attentive when it came to maintaining your grades and health as an athlete.

So, the D on your most recent math test, as well as the onset symptoms of cold was something that had made your blood run cold. Your school followed a strict protocol that required athletes to maintain a good record, which included having Bs and upon all tests.

Anything less than that would mean a week of suspension when it came to training as well as being supplied a set of reviewers to “catch up”, which you were required to finish and submit by the end of the suspension.

Not only that but surprisingly, your father was quite sensitive when it came to your physical welfare, a result of your mother’s condition, honestly. Which meant that the man would not let you near any body of water until you would be in perfect health.

Dread seemed to settle into your system as you hand him your slip, which would signify your suspension. “You were coughing earlier, take time off, I’ll call the nutritionist to change your diet. I’ll call the tutor-”

“You’re getting a tutor?” Chan beams behind your father, “I can help you, I’m in advanced remember?”

Times like these the Korean- Australian baffled you with his audacity, as he continued to grow out of his shyness, and despite your dad having explicitly stated that he had preferred you not to spend any time with your fellow swimmer, he still respected the Korean Australian’s talent and dedication to the sport.

“You’re in advanced math classes Chris?” Chan nods at this in hopes that the coach would consider his offer. “Your times have gotten better, you could take a few days off, with her.”

What?

You’re both in the locker rooms packing your bags when you whisper, “How’d you do that?”

“What do you mean?” Chan hums, amused by your intrigued form.

“My dad, your coach, the F/n L/n, agreed with your suggestion. How did you do that?” You’re poking at his sides, determined to make him spill.

“Secret~” He pokes his tongue out, running out of the training hall.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

You had your chauffeur, drop you off in the Bang Residence, surprised to learn that you lived a street down. You’re warmly welcomed by Chan’s parents greeting and smiling at them through your mask.

“Looks like you didn’t my help nor a tutor, Y/n” Chan smiles seeing that you’re almost through seven worksheets, the swimmer knew you were smart and could keep up with your grades. Though for you to be this careless, he knew that something might’ve been bothering you.

“Come on, let’s go.” You’re shocked as he pulls you up to stand, making you drop your pen and papers, the boy barely gives you any room to argue before he’s pushing you out of the doorway.

“But- my work”

“Could be done within the week remember? Not in one go.”

Before you could even argue, you’re flabbergasted to find yourself seated on a bus, on the way to some location that Chan would not tell you anything about. “We could’ve taken the car, Chan.”

“And where’s the fun in that?” He grins dimple popping out.

“Just remember we have to be back at seven before my driver arrives-”

“Yada-yada, we’ll be fine now let’s have some fun, my style, and my treat!” Chan gestures to the mall you’ve arrived at, giggling at your stunned expression.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

Honestly, you’ve never ridden a bus, nor have you been to a mall, or arcade. These are all things you’ve seen in films and movies, living such a secluded life, your father would bust a vein to find out that you were here.

Though there’s a first for everything. It’s also been a while since you’ve had this much fun, laughing, and giggling at every little thing. You’re thankful to have released a little bit of stress, even for just a moment.

Chan even manages to win you a small whale plushie from the arcade. Though you probably think he could’ve saved by just buying you one from the shop across. It amazes you to see teenagers and kids just your age, littered across the mall, you had never thought to come to a place like this.

“Thanks for today.” You nudge him with your elbow, the plushie safely tucked underneath your armpit, digging into the vanilla ice cream you had gotten on the way home.

“Sure, but you’re treating me next time.” You halt, raising an eyebrow at the older boy.

“What do you mean next time?”

“Y/nnnnnn..” He drags your name in a whine. “Fun things are supposed to be done again, you can’t just live your life just swimming and going to school. We’re kids! We’re supposed to have fun and live life and make memories! That’s what life’s supposed to be! Alright?”

You should be living your childhood. Your mother’s voice pierces through your head, at Chan’s words, had this been what she meant?

“Hey. are you crying? Ya! Don’t cry” You hear Chan say something inaudible perhaps in Korean, as he frets over your crying figure, you see him pat himself down, hearing a small “aha!” before he’s reaching over to dry your tears with a handkerchief.

Softly patting down your cheeks, he sighs. “You don’t have to tell me, what’s wrong, but I’m right here, and I will always be.” He’s pulling you into a hug, you feel your body stiffen from the contact, surprised at the display of intimacy.

You don’t question why, but it feels warm and safe. Just like a cup of vanilla ice cream after a nice swim on the beach.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

“Hey, wake up, we’re here” a soft nudge pushes at your side, you hum in response, finding the boy’s shoulder comfortable.

Chan sighs, smiling at how comfortable you were with your head on his shoulder, cooing at your initiation of intimacy. It had taken you a few years before you were comfortable with any form of affection at all, putting two and two together to realize it must’ve had something to do with your family.

The young swimmer was well aware he was never obliged to fix you nor your situation despite his young age, but seeing you glow and smile at the different yet simple aspects of life that had been prohibited by your situation made him feel warm.

Ever since your first hug, albeit its awkwardness, you had become more receptive to little bits of physical affection and verbal affirmation. Chan smiling as recalled the first time you had initiated a hug, mindlessly throwing your arms around your best friend after he had gotten you a present for your birthday. Needless to say, you had become quite flustered at the realization of your actions.

Over the past few years, your father’s complaints about your friendship with Chan had lessened, seeing your continuous development in terms of grades and dedication. And despite being friends, the competitive fire within you had never ceased, holding on to that desire to beat Chan’s record.

The sun has set. You realize as you open your eyes, blinking out remnants of your drowsiness as you yawn. You’re raising your head from Chan’s shoulder when you realize his hand was extremely close to your face.

You’re jolting up in embarrassment before muttering, “Have I been drooling?” Quickly patting and wiping your lips for saliva.

“Uh, maybe, but it’s f-”

“Don’t you dare say it’s fine Christopher! Augh! This is embarrassing you should’ve woken me up!” You’re storming out of the car, cheeks warm in your flustered form.

Chan chuckles, how cute.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

Ever since hearing of your newly found friend, your mother had continuously asked for you to bring Chan over. And since their meeting, your mother had continuously asked for the return of your polite and talented friend.

It amused you how your mother stated he was like an angel with his voice and good nature, well she wasn’t entirely wrong. Your mother had never shared anything about her life before her sickness, you knew that she had been an only child like you, and from the number of books and records on the shelf in her room, as well as the violin and record player on the side, her interests must’ve been aligned with those.

So when Chan had asked, “What’s your mother like?” You didn’t really know how you could respond to the question and before you know it the line of liking music and books had been stumbling out of your mouth.

Chan’s eyes had lit up at the mention of music, proceeding to ask which artist, what genre. Though with observant eyes, Chan could see your aura dim, he decides to drop the topic, he asks you about the latest Pokemon game. That had been the first time, you’d taken note of Chan’s interest in music.

Though it still surprises you when the day he meets your mother, he arrives with a fresh fruit basket and a ukulele.

He had smiled at your mother that day before he began strumming a soft melody you didn’t recognize. It takes him a while before he states that he had made the melody on his own, struggling to find the lyrics to suit them.

You remember your mother’s words; “It should come from here, whatever you do in life, ensure that your heart will beat for it.” She had said.

Your mother at times was an enigma, speaking in poetry that you struggled to decipher. Some days, you were envious when you’d see her with Chan, seemingly sharing a secret they wouldn’t let you in on. Chan would always seem to understand the puzzling lines she’d say.

It’s another afternoon to which your mother had invited Chan over, you’re both stepping into her room when you find her immersed in one of her classics, a thick leather bounded book, you’d be too terrified to try and read, without busting a vein.

She doesn’t look up, when she hears you two enter, she never does, and you know better than to disturb her amidst her reading. Though you admit that there’s this aura about your mother when she’s immersed in a book, it’s as if she takes a step into the world she’s reading about, escaping whatever pain she currently faces in reality.

It’s only until you set the peeled apples on the table next to her when she looks up. “How has your day been, love? Your father hasn’t been overworking you too much?” She sets the book and her glasses on her bedside table.

“I’m fine mum, Chan brought you some apples, and look they’re cut like bunnies.” She smiles as you offer a slice into her mouth, carefully biting onto it.

“That’s good to hear, Chan dear, my you’ve grown look how tall you’ve grown since I last saw you.” Your mother reaches to ruffle his curls.

“Mom you saw him last week-”

“Have I? really auntie!” You roll your eyes at the overly enthusiastic reply at the mention of his height.

A knock halts your conversation, the door opens to reveal your father’s secretary, she calls your name, stating that your father had called you into his office. You take one last look at Chan and your mother, letting them know that you’d be right back.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

Perhaps it’s the thick atmosphere of your father’s office, but at the sight of the envelope with its infamous school colors, it’s as if all the oxygen in the room had been sucked out.

Your father passes you the envelope, “Everything’s been settled, we can get you a flat there, or perhaps you’d like to live in their dorms. You start next semester, you can move after your graduation.-”

“Does mom know?”

“She does.”

“When had this been sent in?”

“Just last week, you really don’t need to worry about anything dear, be sure you graduate and get a good result on next week’s tournament.” Right graduation.

With all the exams you had recently finished as well as training it had completely slipped your mind that you were entering high school in two months.

You faintly recall a conversation you and Chan had after finding out about his interest in music. “(Y/n), What are you going to be when you grow up?” He had asked you during one of your trips to the ice cream parlor, digging into his salted caramel ice cream.

The question caught you off guard. What did you want to do? Eyes downcast you began to finding interest in the vanilla ice cream, as you picked at it. “I’ll probably continue swimming, that’s what my dad wants.”

“Yeah, that's what your dad wants, but what do you want? Like I want to do something with music! I want to use it as a platform to spread messages, to help people find comfort in music the way I do.” He had looked so bright, so gleeful, like a star so far and out of reach.

“Oh, that’s amazing Chris. Though I don’t know what I want to do.” How you wish you were just as passionate as Chan, wishing you could break through your comfort zone to chase after the one thing you loved the most.

“Then I’ll help you find something, something you’ll come to love the way I do with music.”Maybe at that time, I had found something to love, maybe I just didn’t know it yet. “But if you love swimming, then you’ll be the greatest swimmer in the world, you’ll be an Olympic medalist!” He raises his ice cream cup as a toast, you clink yours with him, smiling at how happy he looked.

Chan was your north star, no matter which direction the universe spun, he remained unwavering, shining bright and leading you to home, him, your comfort.

Dazed, you don’t realize you’ve been standing in front of your mother’s room until Chan opens the door, he yelps in shock at the sight of your deadpanned eyes.

He says something in Korean, clutching his heart at the unintentional scare. “You scared me, why are you standing there like some zombie.”

“Oops, sorry just a bit occupied.” Quickly hiding the envelope behind your back, something his eyes don’t miss. “Let’s go, dinner’s ready.”

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

After dinner you decide to take a walk to have some ice cream at the familiar parlor you frequented ever since becoming friends and after you had lost to him the first time you met.

Sitting down you both order, asking for your usual vanilla-flavored ice cream, Chan picks the mint chocolate chip, a special for the week. He’s silent all of a sudden, fixing you with a serious gaze as he takes in a deep breath. It made you uneasy suddenly as if whatever he would say next would change your fate.

And it did.

“Y/n remember when I said I wanted to make music?” He asks, fiddling with the spoon, nervous which was a rare sight for the charismatic boy.

You hum in response allowing him to continue. “Well, my parents and I made a deal, they would allow me to live in South Korea as a trainee, as long as I got into a good company. And well I got in, you’re now looking at the latest Australian trainee of JYP Entertainment. I'm leaving after the tournament next week!” He points to himself with his thumb, smiling and giddy to hear your response.

Korea as in Korea within Asia? That's 6828 kilometers away!

“(Y/n), are you alright? You’re not saying anything, there is something wrong.” Without noticing you had turned your head down, allowing your hair to create a curtain between you two. He reaches out to tuck your hair behind your ears and is surprised to be met by your tear-stained cheeks. “You’re crying.” He says, unsure of what to say and what made you upset. “Are you not happy I got in?”

“No, I'm happy! You’re finally getting what you dreamed of! You’re going to be amazing Chris. I’m crying because of how happy I am for you.” I’m going to be all alone. You’re going to be living 6828 kilometers away, in a foreign country when we barely turned 14. I’m going to be all alone. I want to be happy for you but why does this hurt so much? I’m going to be all alone.

You might as well tell him. “I’m moving, I got into Griffith so I’m moving into the dorms as well.”

“That’s huge! That place is a breeding ground for Olympians! That’s amazing! We’re both chasing after our dreams, after all. Congratulations Y/n.” It honestly didn’t feel like something to be happy of.

All will be alright, with time. We’ll be alright.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

The next following day came faster than expected you both tried to pretend he wasn’t leaving in the next few days, you tried to pretend that you’d still be able to see one another in the next few years and maybe the next few days. A sense of normalcy in the upcoming days of uncertainty. Neither of you had any idea what fate had in store for you both and you could only hope.

And soon enough the day of the tournament finally rolls around. You’re buzzing with excitement as you entered the building. Chan, on the other hand, was nervous at this being his last swim meet, he hoped to make this as memorable as possible. And though you never say it, Chan knew that deep down you loved swimming, no matter how much you tried to make it out that you only did it for your dad.

He sees you glow the moment you step into the pool, he knew you’re meant for this, to be up there with the pro athletes he too had admired. And as much as it hurt him to leave you, he’s stunned and in awe of how much stronger you’ve become.

He loved the confidence that you had as you walked into the competition hall, ignoring the curious gazes, and turning heads at the mention of your name. You have been destined to reign the competitive world of swimming, and he knew he wasn’t as good as you were to reign alongside you. He had accepted that a long time ago.

He walks with you to the locker room to prepare and change, trailing a few steps after you. Observing the looks of both younger and older swimmers in awe at the sight of you, your reputation in the sport was indeed something to uphold.

You turn to him gripping your gym bag tightly, which he had offered to carry but had been rejected along the lines of saying that you were a woman that could carry your belongings or something like that. “Well, I’ll see you later, wish me luck.” You raise your fist to him, initiating your signature good luck handshake before every competition. The handshake brought you a lot of reassurance and strength, taking away any worries you’d have.

You grin at him one last time, turning at your heels to enter the room, but before you take another step, he pulls you in for a hug, squeezing you tightly, your hands awkward by your sides, unsure of whether to hug him back. “You don’t need luck, go wreck them.”

You scoff at his words, finally deciding to wrap your arms around his shoulder. “Of course, see ya later Bangaroo.”

Up in the stands Chan observes you as you take your positions on the starting block, he smiles to himself as he sees you wearing the goggles and swim cap, he had given you during your last birthday. He had saved for it the whole year to surprise you with your favorite swimming brand. You had teared up at the gift, before smacking him for the times he had complained every time you invited him to the parlor.

He had never seen you wear the cap and goggles at practice, you had told him you had to save the luck for competitions. He had asked you to explain though you brushed off the statement by pushing him into the pool.

“It’s nice to see you here, isn’t this your last swim meet?” Chan blinks in surprise as the older man takes a seat beside him joining him to observe his daughter.

“Coach (L/n)..” Chan greets, unsure of what to say. Since, the knowledge of his rough treatment of his best friend, he had preferred not to stay too close to the older man, aware of his dislike for him.

“She’s still as amazing as ever.” Your father whispers in awe more to himself rather than Chan. “I was surprised you know, at her growth and development since your arrival. You’ve been an amazing push to her capabilities as a swimmer, that I have to admit.”

The older man stands up all of a patting him on the shoulder, “Well good luck, and thank you for giving her that push. Hug her for me later.” Chan’s surprised by the time your father leaves is just in time you finish the swim, realizing you had already won.

28.08 He gasps as he sees the scoreboard alongside your name. 28.08 You had broken his 50M Free record by a second, after years of competing and ice cream trips, you’ve finally done it. He sees you shocked as well, he meets your eyes, throwing you a thumbs up from the stands, grin highlighted by his dimples.

You looked radiant, a small voice in his head reassures him that he made the right choice., that you’d be alright. He starts heading toward the locker rooms to prepare. He’s stunned by your father’s words, he knows in his heart he made the right decision, and he knows he shouldn’t let this bother him, especially when he’s about to compete.

He steps into the starting block, slipping on his goggles, snapping them against the back of his head to erase any of his worries. Lastly, he’s putting on his swim cap. Taking deep even breaths, it’s his last swim. Chan wants to make this as memorable as possible.

He closes his palm clenching it, testing to see how shaky and nervous he was, only to see that it wasn’t that bad. His heart rate isn’t so accelerated either. They’re given the signals to take their positions. And Chan is surprised there are no unpleasant jitters in his stomach.

Chan reacts with the beep, kicking off the starting block and then diving into the waters, he feels the pull of gravity just as he surfaces to take his first breath. Rotating from his shoulders, he paces his breathing for the first lap to maintain his stamina. Though once he approaches the end, he gives a powerful kick to the touchpad turning as he accelerates. In the last lap, he pushes himself to go faster, erasing all thoughts and worries. He reminds himself that this is his specialty, the one style in swimming you couldn’t beat him at. He’s slipping his goggles and swim cap before he even realizes he won.

Chris places gold. And it feels exhilarating, he feels so happy he could cry. He sees you in the stands, grinning and he’s sure he mirrors your grin.

You’re taking a few pictures, not missing the chance to take matching iconic pics biting gold medals. A small voice at the back of your head asks what the odds of would be you two doing these pictures at a larger scale.

After dinner, which his parents had invited you to, you’re both walking to that ice cream parlor two blocks from his house. You’re chuckling as Chan waves his wallet, a show that he would be paying for the first time.

You smile as he hands you, your usual cup of vanilla-flavored ice cream. You’re now walking back to his house, soaking up the comfortable atmosphere trying to let the events that happened today sink in. Chan would be leaving tomorrow morning, and you’d be leaving in a few weeks as well.

“So, mister idol, are you excited?” Deciding to break the silence, nudging at him as his ears turn pink.

“A bit, it’s a huge leap, you know, absolutely knowing no one, I still have an accent when I speak in Korean it might sound weird, gosh I have to make friends and all that. But oh god, what if I can’t make any? What if I don’t debut? What if I just don’t cut it? Oh god, you’re not going to be there to treat me to ice cream, to binge on anime, treat me to food and ice cream. I just-” Chan pauses as his voice cracks, footsteps coming to a halt, “I’m just going to miss Australia so so much.”

You find yourself gaping, as you see the taller boy crumble. Between the two of you, it had always been you to be the emotional one, the crybaby, on the other hand, Chan had always been your rock and your shoulder to cry on no matter the situation. Seeing him cry pulled at your heartstrings, soon enough you’re throwing your arms around him, rubbing circles into his back.

“You’re going to be fine, Chris, you’ll be amazing, and if any of them starts anything with you, I’m booking a flight to kick their arse.” Pulling away from the hug, you cup his cheeks, wiping his tears for the first time in your friendship.

Knowing how worried he was with all the changes, it was your turn to be his rock, after all the times he had been yours. Chris was amazing no matter what he was doing, whether it was sitting in class paying attention to a math problem, or asking for your opinion on his swimming, or just talking to you. He was meant to be amazing.

You don’t realize you’ve been staring at him until. “Are you going to miss me?”

You sigh at his red-rimmed eyes, endeared at his sniffles. “Of course, I am, I care about you a lot, what makes you think I wouldn’t, you better not forget me when you’re all famous. I’m just a bit disappointed we’re going our separate ways, we’ve been through a lot, you’ve been there for me no matter what, I’m grateful for meeting you, Chris.” It takes you a while to realize that you’re tearing up.

“I’m really really going to miss you, Chris. It’s going to be different not swimming with you anymore, not going to the parlor to get ice cream, teasing you for how much you eat, letting me win video games, who’s going to teach me math!? If I weren’t good at swimming the teachers wouldn’t be so patient with me!” You struggle to hold back your tears, deciding to reach up and hide your face in the crevice of his neck and shoulder, squeezing him in reassurance.

Chan fixes his arms around your waist, returning the hug, “We’re going to be fine, so long as that no matter what you do, make sure it comes from here, you’ll be alright, we’ll be alright, you’re stronger than ever. Don’t you ever let anyone take that from you, okay? I have something for you. Can you close your eyes?”

With your eyes shut, you can feel Chan’s hands around your neck, you can feel his soft breathing, and the soft click of a clasp. “You can open them.” You gasp at the sight of the pretty mermaid tail that sat on the crevice of your collar bones.

“You were meant for this Y/n. You radiate and glow when you swim, you’re going to do amazing.” Chan presses a soft kiss into your forehead, a reminder of how much taller he’s grown. “I have something else for you tomorrow, but that’s a surprise for you tomorrow, I’ll give it to you at the airport tomorrow, okay?” He presses another kiss into your cheek, wiping the few tears that had escaped.

Soon enough, you’re on your way back home, the previously comforting silence disrupted by distant yet ear-splitting sirens, you pay it no mind until you notice how it sounds closer as you near your house.

You’re gasping at the sight of the bright blue and red lights, frozen still as you see paramedics roll your mother out of the house. Everything blurs as you’re pushed and ushered here and there, calls of your name passing through the other ear.

As everything goes dark.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

“I’m sure it was just fatigue.” In and out of consciousness, you found it difficult to determine which parts of it were real, and which weren’t.

“Mom?” Fluttering your eyes open, you were surprised to see a bright white interior, contrasting the blue hues of your room in your house.

“Y/n?” Turning towards the voice, you’re met by your nanny’s worried eyes, as she hovers a damp towel to your forehead. “You’re in the hospital dear, you passed out after we fetched you last night, your mother I’m afraid, she doesn’t have much time left.”

“Where is she-” You’re rushing to stand, wincing in pain when you realize that you have an IV attached to you. “Bring me to her.”

The nanny struggles to aid you in your haste, pushing the IV behind your quick steps. Luckily your mother had been in the room next to you, had it been any further your legs would have given up.

The soft hum and consistent beeps of machines echoed throughout your mother’s room; the sharp scent of antiseptics clouded your thinking. Your father stands from the side of her bed, you’re surprised when he meets you at the door, softly telling the nanny to leave as he takes your hand in his, guiding your IV in the process.

He quietly helps you up into your mother’s bed, who’s surprisingly awake, and smiles at the sight of you. You can feel tears well up, your heart heavy as you take in her figure, engraving it to your heart. She still wears the blue and white scarf atop her head, something you had given her after receiving your first allowance as an athlete.

You don’t realize you’re shaking as you reach to caress her cheek, carefully avoiding the wires attached to her. She holds your hand to her cheek, appreciating the warmth you brought. “Hello love, I heard you passed out, are you doing alright?”

You could only nod in response, your chest heavy as tears began to drip into the white sheets of her bed. “Now listen to me love, you are the sun, you are my sun, and I know I haven’t been there that much to show you all the love you deserve, but I do love you. You are the sun that brought me warmth in that cold room of mine, you are the light that beams when you step into the room. Don’t you ever let anyone dim your light.”

She carefully pulls you into her chest, rubbing small patterns into your back, in an attempt to soothe the shaking of your chest. “You’re going to be alright, love, live the life you love, and everything will be alright. Mom loves you so much, you're so amazing you should know that. I might not be a part of your bigger achievements, your ups and downs in life, falling in love, and all that. Though I do hope you find someone, who’d be there until the end, someone to hold your hand in this dark and empty world. Though I want you to remember that you are beyond your medals, I will still love you no matter what you choose to do in life, alright? I will forever be proud to be your mother-” Her voice dwindles as she trails off, her arm dropping from behind your back, as her breath stills in the process.

The room goes up in flames as everything begins to beep loudly, you could do nothing but sob harder as you cling to your dying mother. The next few minutes are a blur, in the chaos, you feel someone pull you from your mother’s chest as the room floods with medical personnel.

It takes you a while to realize that it’s your father who holds you, turning you away from your mother’s figure as you continue to sob, unable to say anything but cry. The word I love you lingers on the tip of your tongue, regret weighing heavily on your chest.

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

You hadn’t realized you had passed out once more, eyes adjusting to bright hospital lights as everything feels numb. You’re surprised to see your father passed out on the chair next to your bed, eyes swollen and sunken with everything that had happened.

Feeling a bit parched, you reach for the water bottle that had supposedly been there, but instead, you find a small iPod and some earphones. Chan’s unique penmanship on the iPod catches your eye, intrigued, you reach for it.

Another strike of guilt threatens to pull at your heartstrings, of the realization that you had missed his flight. “The Bangs came by the house to drop that off, they mentioned that Chris had wanted to give you this before his flight.” Your father blinks sleep out of his eyes, stretching before he leaves the room.

It takes you a while to untangle the earphones before you plug them in the iPod with a soft click before you wear them. The small square weighs heavy on your hand as you press play.

“Hello, Y/n!” You jump a bit at the loudness of Chan’s voice quickly adjusting the volume.

“Since that fateful day where you saved me from the bullies, I have forever been in your debt. Kidding! “You roll your eyes amused as he continues talking.

“Well not really, but honestly Y/n you have played a huge role not only in my development as a swimmer but as well as a friend. You had been someone I wanted to protect from all the cruel things in this world, had I not met you I wonder if I would’ve had any friends here.” Says the social butterfly, yeah right Christopher.

“I really wished it hadn’t been this way,” I wish it hadn’t been this way either.

“We had a good run Y/n, I am forever grateful to have met you. Now I don’t have much to say, but in a few minutes, a song will play. It’s a song I made. It's something your mom helped put together. I do hope you enjoy this little gift from us, and please do give her a hug in my stead. I do hope you like this song, and may you continue to shine as you take on the professional world of swimming! With love, Your Bangaroo” With everything that has happened, you don’t really feel disappointed or sad with your best friend’s decision, maybe a bit of regret from the lack of time, but all you could do is hope that time and faith would not be so cruel once more.

Chan’s voice fades out as a soft melody of piano notes begins to play, your heart warms as Chan’s voice begins to sing.

“And take, take her to the moon for me

Take her like you promised me

Say you love her every time like how you told me the last time”

You could understand why your mother had told you that Chan was like your guardian angel. Albeit a bit of an exaggeration for a boy your age, but his soft and giving nature had been your source of comfort and happiness throughout middle school and for that, you will forever be grateful.

“Someday I know we'll meet again

In heaven by the rainbow's end

And I only wish you happiness

Until we meet again”

𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂

next

[albino-whumpee]

Replacement

After writing that Sann drabble the other day, I remembered I hadn´t published Sann´s unboxing. So here it is! Sann had it hard from the very start.

TW// dehumanization, slavery, human trafficking, drug mention, manipulation,

It had been only two years and a half since he had come in a wooden box, wrists tied up behind his back and drugged out of his mind.

His crate was put down and he could hear the delivery men talk with someone who sounded much older. It wasn´t long until he heard the lid open and his eyes finally caught light.

The person who had grabbed him by the neck to drag him out and make him kneel at his feet had been Robert´s father, Rupert Glass. The name on the boy´s papers and which the boy mistook as his master at first.

Just before the man swiped him off his feet just to grab his chin harshly. Inspecting him.

He whimpered quietly when the man tilted his head to see his neck. The man´s eyes widened, astonished.

“Those guys really can get you anything you ask for if you have enough money” the man said with a smile. Seeing the three artificial lunars he had ordered to tattoo on him “You´re like…his doppelgänger or something” he simply stayed quiet.

He fell to his feet as soon as the man let him go, no strength in his legs to keep him up. With his hands still tied to his back, his face took all the impact.

Rupert called for a maid, ignoring the groan the boy exhaled. A young girl emerged from the adjacent room, locked eyes with him for a second, brown eyes spooked, before pulling them up to her boss “Yes, sir?”

“Do we have red lace? I want a red ribbon around him” the man told her vaguely pointing at the half naked boy on the floor straightening himself without his hands “I want a tie at the end. On his neck. Make it look festive ” he kept saying as the woman slightly nodded “Then put him back on the box and call someone to leave him on Rob´s room” Sann turned wildly at the man.

“Please, I will walk and kneel, but don´t put me back” His eyes begged. His mouth scurrying the words incoherently. Getting him just a mocking laugh and a rough pat on the head.

“I can´t let him know I opened his gift beforehand, boy. You will have to endure a few more hours” The man ruffled his hair as the maid came back with the red lace on hands. Sann didn´t even notice when she had gone. “Now stay very still as Sarah does her work, yeah?” he said walking away to give space to the woman, finding a chair to sit nearby.

The boy felt the soft lace around his cramping arms, passing through his chest and going all the way up to his neck. Her fingers were light and careful. Made sure it wasn´t too tight. “I´m sorry, boy” she whispered on his ear as she tightened the tie on his neck before standing up to face the man smoking on his chair.

“Sir! You cannot smoke!” she snatched the cigarettes off the man. To which he only rolled his eyes “Dr. Doran was very specific in that note, Mister Rupert” she reprimanded putting the box in her apron and walking to a window to let some air in. Sann felt a soft breeze easing the pain on his legs and thanked her in his mind.

It wasn´t long though, as a few minutes later he was pushed back into the box by a man and carried somewhere.

When he left him down, Sann whimpered at the brusque movement. His legs labeling unbearable the sudden bolt of sensations. He only heard a sigh and a door closing followed by silence.

Hours later, he was more aware of everything. Aware and hopeful that every little sound would be his new master. Coming to free him from the darkness of the box.

Then he heard the door open.

“I´ve got you something, Rob” Mister Rupert told his son. Who didn´t reply until a moment later.

“What´s this?” A hoarse voice said. In the kind of tone you would make after crying for hours. The boy knew that sound very well himself.

He tried to shift inside the box, ignoring the pain on his legs and back to prepare himself. To look perfect for his new Master. Already wondering how he looked like.

“I know how much you loved the Doran´s boy. He was a wonderful kid” Silence. The boy picked up the sound of cloth rubbing against each other “And, as your father, I just want you to be happy”

“Happy…you only give me presents when you want something” he said dryly “You want me to go back to work and got me an encouraging present like you would send any other employee” he said stepping back “I can´t, dad” the boy heard his steps getting closer “Thanks for the thought though´” a hand passed through the wood of the box. The boy composing himself expecting the lid to be moved.

But it never did.

“You didn´t-” the man´s voice was coated in outrage.

“You´re just too out of it without him around. So I went through the trouble of finding the perfect match” The boy jumped at a sudden slam on his box.

“You just- you did not just- Why can´t I fucking grief in peace, dad? Did you really buy me a box boy to “replace him”?! JUST SO I COULD GO BACK TO WORK?!” the man´s voice went up making the boy shrink on himself. Started rocking despite the trainer´s voice racking his brain to stop.

He was getting the feeling his new Master, wouldn´t like to see him. At all. It meant he was unwanted. And unwanted pets only had the facility to go back to.

“I´m doing it for your sake”

“The company’s sake” the man corrected in a half pissed off giggle.

“They align. You can´t let your future go to waste, Rob. Nobody´s prepared to fill my shoes other than you. And when I´m gone, I won´t call for a replacement” the man slightly scratched the wood. Compulsively. Trying to smoothen the anger, the boy thought. “Sirius would say the same” The man snapped. Stomped a few steps towards the man.

“Don´t you dare say that again, father” he said through gritted teeth “Ever. Not even Mom would want to be replaced” he heard the hard inhale of the man´s sick lungs. “I don´t want him. Ask for a compensation or something, but I won´t open that” he terminated as the muffled sound of someone letting themselves fall into a couch. The boy let out an involuntary cry “Sorry, father”

“Fine” Rupert said, stopping the boy´s heart.

“No…” he sobbed. He was going to be sent back. Sent back and refurbished and sold again for half the price. He hadn´t done anything! He wasn´t even given the chance to show himself. “Please no” he whispered.

He heard a click and the lid went up. Half of it. Only letting him see Rupert´s legs.

“Look at him and try to say that again” he ordered not expecting a reply.

A hand was extended in front of him.

“C´mon, out” the man ordered him. The boy tried to lift himself up as quickly as he could. The cramps on his legs sending a sharp bolt of pain through his body.

He felt the man´s hands on his arm, pulling him out of the box into the wide room. Sitting in front of him, there was the man he would belong to. If he accepted him.

Ashy brown hair short and not so neatly kept. A handsome if just a bit roughed up face looked back at him. The arm splint took all of the boy´s attention. If only to avoid the shock expression, frozen on his face.

The boy was shoved down and pushed to the man´s knees. The ribbon on his neck brushing his legs as he jerked forward by inertia.

“Don´t waste this chance!” He thought trying to move seductively, ignoring the growing pain on his bruised knees as he tried to make the tie on his neck visible to the man. Hoping it looked enticing enough, to take off and switch it with a collar ”Please” He lifted his eyes slowly.

But he only found petrified brown eyes looking at him with horror.

“Who the fuck are you?”—-

[mediawhorefics]

Hi there! I hope I’m not bothering you, I wanted to ask some questions about ‘’Through Eerie Chaos’’, if it is okay.
I have read this fic a bit ago, but I loved it so much I keep thinking about it! While reading I wrote down all the questions that came to my mind, thinking about, one day, maybe, asking you.(If this is annoying to answer or you don’t have time or…anything else, please, ignore me!)So the fist question is: why only Harry and Louis could see each other? If there was a wound (1)

(2) in space-time, why Louis could only see Harry when he was alone? Why this never happened before or when Harry, Niall and Zayn went there together nothing happened? And why, in the entire house…Harry could only see Louis and not, for example, all the people working there?
Of course there is no way to find out how or why this wound in time/space happened in first place, but is it possible it’s connected to them? Could it be the reason why only Louis and Harry can see and hear each other?

(3) Another thing: it’s true that the poor Niall never had the chance to demonstrate that ghosts are real, but since Louis was a real person, and since Louis too described to Harry those paranormal activities that happens in the house, like the piano that start playing and the laughs…(telling him that these things were happing for a long time, even in Louis’ time) then it means that the house is really haunted? Because that couldn’t be Louis, since he was real, and visible?I hope I didn’t

(4) sk questions whose answers were already there, in the story. Thank you anyway, for taking the time to read this and (in case) to answer this. I really really loved this story (if it wasn’t clear by this endless ask) and it was very fascinating to slowly discover things and to watch the wonderful relationship between Louis and Harry develop. 
I love your writing and I can totally say you absolutely are one of my favorite authors here. Thank you for writing and publish your stories,

(5) it’s always a pleasure to start one of the journeys you shared with us! 
I hope you have a lovely day, all the love!

hiiiii!!! i'm going to try and answer your questions as best as i can but i want to put two disclaimers up first. 1. i wrote this fic in with a very fairy tale 'timey whimey' vibe in mind so i didn't worry too much about all the time travel rules. so if it doesn't all make 100% sense, let's say it was the power of true love lol. 2. i wrote this fic in 2016/2017 so it was a while ago. i don't necessarily remember every single detail of what my plan was. and i don' t have the same laptop i did then so i don't have all my notes for it... i also haven't read the fic in FOREVER. so basically, apologies if i'm contradicting myself here.

so my answer for you first question is really gonna suck so apologies in advance... but i always saw it as either coincidence, or fate... the wound in time COULD technically allow anyone to see in between the two time periods and it has before since there are rumours of the place being haunted and lots of people who have seen stuff there. but in the case of zayn & niall and harry only seeing louis... it's mostly coincidence at first and then it's by design since louis doesn't want others to know he's meeting up with someone.

as for the other question.... louis & the people of his time can hear stuff from 2017 in the story. so they're not necessarily hearing the piano & the laughter, but they hear kids who dared each other to spend the night at the haunted manor and they hear niall & harry & zayn when they go do some research & etc. so basically harry hears/sees louis & his crew and louis hear harry's time period and they both think it's ghosts? hopefully that makes sense haha.

hope that helped explain things for you/hope that it makes more sense. thank you so much for reaching out and telling me you enjoyed the story. it always means the world to me when people do <33

[writingtoforgetreality]

Caretaker Dan - The Devil´s Daughter Chapter Three (Lucifer Morningstar x Daughter!Reader)

[Lucifer-Masterlist], [The Devil´s Daughter-Masterlist]

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Summary: Dan and you arrived at his house where he took care of you. Everything that happened that day slowly started to sink in. Was it really the right decision to leave heaven? Was it normal to feel that way? Were you starting to regret it already?

Words: 1,405

Warnings: Lucifer Season 5 Part 1 spoilers, slow burn (trust me, the story is good), Dan being a sweetheart (I couldn´t help myself. I´m literally his no. 1 stan.), (Y/A) = your age, (Y/E/C) = your eye color

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

The both of you got out of the car and you followed Dan to his front door, waiting for him to unlock it. Stepping inside, you were met with a warm light that illuminated your face. The man in front of you turned around. His house was warm, you took off his jacket and handed it to him. In the entrance hall was a small wooden clothes rack where he put the leather piece. Dan took off his shoes and you copied his actions. They were put right next to the door where a few other pairs were already seated. He went in what you assumed to be his living room. Crazy how one single person had so much space while you only ever had one room, a small one too. It was not like you were jealous but it was just a much nicer way of living. When you did not follow Dan he looked towards you with an expecting face.

“Come on in. I have some left overs I can microwave for you if you want me to?” his voice sounded more and more in the distance so you entered his living room only to find him with his head sticking in his fridge. The kitchen, dining room and living room were all connected, making the room even bigger. You were starstruck. Maybe you would be able to afford a place like this in the future. That would be a dream come true.

“Thank you, Dan.” your legs moved you over to the bar that divided the kitchen area from the big dining table. The bar stools looked inviting so you sat down on one of them, waiting for Dan to finish up your meal. Why was he so eager to help you? To him, you were just an ordinary girl. No angel, no daughter of Satan. Just ordinary, like everyone here on Earth. Overthinking was probably the worst to do in this situation. You should be thankful for his efforts and you were. Still, you could never be careful enough, right?

A plate was placed in front of you. Dan handed you cutlery which you took with a wide smile on your face. One that made his face light up, too. He would figure out what to do with you but that had time in the morning. For now, he just wanted you to eat something and get some rest afterwards. In the corner of your eyes you could see Dan sitting down on the chair next to you.

“(Y/N)?” he asked in the silent room.

“Hmm?” munching on some mashed potatoes, you faced him and waited for him to continue.

“I work with the LAPD. Tomorrow, I can see what I can do to help you. To do that, though, I´d need a bit more information from you. Your last name, for example. Age. Anything would be helpful.” his smile was careful since he did not know if you were comfortable with sharing so much with a stranger. The fear in your innocent (Y/E/C) eyes was answer enough. Yet, he had to begin somewhere. Your name was a start but he knew he would not achieve anything with this only.

“Um.” the tension could be felt all across the room and Dan knew he probably crossed the line and you would run out any second. But you seemed frozen on the stool. Thousands of thoughts were running through your mind. How could you tell him more of yourself when you did not even know much else?

“I´m (Y/A) years old. Last name? This might sound weird but I genuinely think I don´t have one? There isn´t much else to tell, really.” with a chuckle your tried to lighten the mood. Dan, though, was shocked by what you just told him. What a mysterious girl you were. Maybe sleeping a night over it would help you sort things out. Maybe you would be open to share more in the morning. Exhaustion was written all over your face and after you finished eating you thanked the man next to you yet again.

“You know what? You look tired. My daughter isn´t here for the night anyway so you can sleep in her room. Here, I´ll show you the way.” the two of you went over to a narrow hallway. One that was decorated with many pictures. Coming to a halt in front of them, you spoke up, this time your voice was not a whisper.

“Is that your daughter?” your eyes were trained on a picture. Dan with a blonde woman and a young girl with pretty dark hair. After hearing your question, he went back over to where you were standing, looking at the same picture. That was a while ago on one of his daughter´s birthday parties.

“Her name is Trixie.” he stated proudly. You could tell he loved being a father. This realization gave you a small sting in your heart. Had your father never been proud of you? Why did he abandon you right after you were born? That was not fair. Anyway, none of this was Dan´s fault so you tried to keep your emotions at bay.

“She´s beautiful.” again, your voice grew more silent. It was more of a mumble. “And the woman next to you? Is she your wife?” you had to admit that the three of them looked like a cute family. All of them were smiling from ear to ear, happy to experience this moment together. Forever captured in a picture. Displayed on the wall so each time you walk by, you were taken back to this exact moment.

“Ex-wife to be exact.” his statement made you look up at him, guilt shown.

“I´m sorry, I didn´t think...I-I shouldn´t ha-” your sentence was cut short.

“It´s fine, really. We´re still good friends. We might not be in a relationship anymore but we care for each other and we work things out together. Especially for Trix.” the usage of the nickname made you smile slightly. Your previous wave of guilt washed away by pure adoration for this family. They still managed to live a happy life, even after everything they had been through. Truly remarkable.

Dan showed you the bathroom, told you where the towels were and brought you to Trixie´s bedroom. It was huge and gave you some sort of comfort.

“I hope you can sleep in her bed. You know, everyone is used to different, um, well...mattresses.” you giggled at his attempt to start another conversation. You were never really a quiet person but after everything that happened today, you were rather exhausted and not really in the mood for long, meaningful conversations.

“The bed´s just fine. Thank you, really. I appreciate it.” the words came out in a soft way, making Dan realize that you simply wanted to go to sleep. If he just gave you space you would warm up to him, right?

“Well then. Sleep tight. I see you in the morning before work. Trust me, my pancakes are out of this world.” he excitedly told you. The smile never left your face. You wished him a good night and he closed the door behind him, leaving you alone in this room.

Falling backwards into the soft bed, staring at the high ceiling, you left out a long sigh. How did you even end up here? Where was your confidence the other angels used to get annoyed by? Why were you so small, so broken, all of a sudden? Maybe it was the realization that today was the first time you were truly alone. Michael would not come by to spend time with you. There would not be such things as game nights anymore. Were you missing the comforts of heaven already? No! You wanted to leave and it was the right decision. God could not tell you what to do anymore. Besides, Dan treated you like a normal being. Not like a special, fragile angel. All you needed was some time to get settled in. That was a normal reaction. After spending (Y/A) years in heaven, of course you would take a bit to adjust. Tomorrow, everything would be much easier already. Changing into a shirt and sweatpants that Dan gave you, you climbed under the soft covers. No matter how hard you tried to keep your eyes open, they continuously felt heavier. Soon after you were fast asleep.

~to be continued~

Next Chapter 

Published (09/07/2020) by Cathy

Tags: @fandomqueen2003, @natashaashleymarvelromanoff, @severewobblerlightdragon, @tenderlyunlikelyexpert, @zoseph, @comicbucky-s, @dad-ee-drea, @xbarrjallenx, @marvelofwitch, @aceofspace95, @julessbrown, @thevelvetseries (let me know if you want to be tagged <3)

[manuscripts-dontburn]

Flesh & Blood

Author: N. West Moss

First published: 2021

Pages: 320

Rating: ★★★★★

Honest, tender, deeply moving and so, so sad - yet not really so sad in the end. Flesh and Blood struck a chord with me. I do not share the same medical troubles as the author, my own childlessness is of a different kind and I still do have time and hope, but I understood many of her feelings and thoughts. But even if you cannot relate, this is a beautiful memoir for anyone, of any sex, to read to understand this certain pain and social implications which are tied to it. I had tears in my eyes when I finished.

The Miracle and Tragedy of the Dionne Quintuplets

Author: Sarah Miller

First published: 2019

Pages: 320

Rating: ★★★★☆

Oh man, oh, man! I had a very vague idea that this story was twisted, but I had no idea just how much! Sarah Miller does a wonderful job presenting the heartbreaking story of a family that was both immensely well provided for yet pretty much completely destroyed by the birth of five babies at once. The truth of the matter is that after reading, you just don´t know what to think. Your heart goes out to everybody, but at the same time, you also see the ugly (UGLY!!!) side of them. Truly a story about how fame and opportunism as well as greed can ruin innocent lives - and there is no real escape. Ever.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Author: Neil Gaiman

First published: 2013

Pages: 255

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

I like Neil Gaiman. I thought Stardust was genuinely funny. Coraline was an amazing and creepy adventure. The Graveyard Book was incredibly heart-warming. Unfortunately, for all the originality of imagination involved in it, this book feels like a difficult, feverish, oppressive dream you do not want to stay within.

Migrace a nesnášenlivost

Author: Umberto Eco

First published: 2021

Pages: 75

Rating: ★★★★☆

Zajímavé a pravdivé. Škoda, že se jedná pouze o výňatek z Ecových přednášek a nikoliv detailnější knihu.

The Beautiful Ones

Author: Silvia Moreno-Garcia

First published: 2017

Pages: 304

Rating: ★★★★☆

Influenced by "Mexican Gothic" I went into this book with a misconception it would once again be a glamorous horror with some supernatural elements. I could not have been more wrong! What you really get is a very well-written, slow-developing romance scented with 19th-century society rules. There is indeed a supernatural element in the form of two of the characters being able to levitate things with their minds, but it plays actually a very minor role and is treated as something almost normal. In fact, the book could have been done without it and still have the same effect. If you enjoy romance, you should not miss this one.

The Children of Jocasta

Author: Natalie Haynes

First published: 2017

Pages: 336

Rating: ★★★★★

I hated that the Greek names were all turned into nicknames. Hate it. But that is also the only thing I can complain about because The Children of Jocasta is nothing short of an excellent re-telling of one of the most tragic stories ever told by any mythology. It is cleverly put together and knowing the original myth only makes the stakes, as they are shown here, seem even more grave. The train crash is inevitable yet you keep speeding along because the story is so compelling and well written you cannot help yourself. True, some of the elements changed may leave others a bit disappointed, but Natalie Haynes obviously tried to infuse as much reality into what previously are the actions of Gods and Fate and did it convincingly. I did not expect to love this as much as I did.

The Spirit Engineer

Author: A.J. West

First published: 2021

Pages: 304

Rating: ★★★★★

This was very unsettling and unpleasant. A tragedy rather than horror and all the more disturbing for it. The book starts off slow and for a while, I was actually wondering if spiritism, which was the chief thing promised, would only be a decoration to one man´s family and financial troubles. In a way, it was. And in a way, it was not. It shows brilliantly how ambition and quest for knowledge may change a man who is successful in that very quest and what is really the price of it all. As the story progresses, the momentum and experiences become more rapid, more haunting and end up in an explosion of the greatest human tragedy, when hardly anything is left of the person. It was not a book I enjoyed, but it did leave an impression on me and one cannot deny it is cleverly written and extremely well executed.

Voices

Author: David Elliott

First published: 2019

Pages: 208

Rating: ★★★☆☆

This was definitely an interesting way of telling a powerful story. I am quite familiar with Jeanne (which is how I prefer to call her) and have encountered her in historical fiction, movies and (the best ever created) musical. The author does describe her life faithfully and I loved the idea of it being told by various people, animals and even objects, plus points to the author for different types of poetic structures he employed. However, Jeanne herself is, for the most part, too didactic and disrupts the poignancy of the poetical with her own voice, which is rather a problem since she is the one the whole thing is about. I did not particularly mind that Jeanne is given very human faults like vanity and pride, but I admit I was rather iffy about the indifference of her actual "Voices" - Saint Michael, Margaret and Catherine. It just felt wrong for them to be so utterly disinterested when they obviously are.. well... already saints in heaven and God gave them a job to do.

Bullies and Saints: An Honest Look at the Good and Evil of Christian History

Author: John Dickson

First published: 2021

Pages: 352

Rating: ★★★★★

An excellent "apologia" of the Christian religion, which does not shy to expose the wounds the church had dealt in the past and the ones it sustained as well. All of the commonly discussed topics are covered - from religiously driven war conflicts, the Spanish inquisition, the intentional destruction of classical knowledge and most painfully and importantly for today´s day and age - the sexual abuse by the church officials. Dickson does an admirable job at keeping the balance between our "common" outlook at all these and actual history, admitting and condemning what has to be condemned, but at the same time pointing out what is rarely obvious: mainly that our morality and whatever we acknowledge today as being RIGHT and JUST, essentially stems from Christianity. The question of this book is not "Can I whitewash every crime Christian churches have ever taken part in?", but "Are those crimes which Christian churches have taken part in the main legacy of Christianity?" Reviews by non-religious and non-Christian readers lead me to believe, that my impression of the book as being as fair and unbiased and indeed "honest" as it could possibly be, was not entirely wrong either. The momentous parts of the church history are described in a clear and easy to understand way, though as usual, it helps if you already have at least some previous knowledge of the events and geography. A good book for Christians who are confused, hurt and unsure about their participation in the Church after so many horrible things that have happened. A good book for those who are curious why anyone would still want to be a Christian today.

Listopád

Author: Alena Mornštajnová

First published: 2021

Pages: 300

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Hmm...hmm.... tož čtivé to bylo, o tom žádná. Bohužel je to kniha nemastná, neslaná a velmi prvoplánová. I když pominu jistou ahistoričnost, mé dva největší problémy byly jiné. Zaprvé: každá společnost, i komunistická a socialistická, se vyvíjí a mění. Komunismus 50. let byl na míle vzdálen komunismu 80. let. Přesto se zjevně v této alternativní realitě všechno zastavilo. Nic na ni nemá vliv. Ani věda, ani nová technologie, nic. Zadruhé: Mornštajnová je sice výbornou vypravěčkou věcí, které známe z historie, ale vlastní invenci do této alternativní reality, kterou vytvořila, vůbec nedává, nebo ji prostě nemá. Listopád nenabízí nic nového kromě myšlenky, že komunismus u nás neskončil v roce 1989. Nepohodlní lidé jsou zatčeni. V první fázi se konají popravy. Lže se. Jenomže takových knih - a to o skutečných událostech, což je činí mnohem působivějšími - jsem již četla příliš mnoho. A lepších. Dávám dvě hvězdy, protože i těch několik hodin, ta něž je možné knížku v klidu přečíst, mi připadá poněkud promarněných. To si raději přečtu autorčiny předchozí knihy znovu.

How to Be a Victorian: A Dawn-to-Dusk Guide to Victorian Life

Author: Ruth Goodman

First published: 2013

Pages: 458

Rating: ★★★★★

Wonderfully readable and fascinating. Serves beautifully as an entertaining and educational read as well as a sourcebook for anyone interested in the period.

The Story of the Jews: Finding the Words, 1000 BCE – 1492 CE

Author: Simon Schama

First published: 2013

Pages: 496

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

This was the most difficult book I have read in years. A little over 400 pages took me over two months! While one cannot deny that Siman Shama is extremely knowledgable and has a way with words (with an extreme fondness for some really big and rarely used ones too, not to mention insane run-on sentences), and the history of the Jews is absolutely fascinating, I could not get through more than 10 pages a day, sometimes not even that. The topics change without warning, timelines skip here and there, you have to be very much knowledgable yourself already not to get lost in the information... and even then you probably will. There seemed to be no clear direction to the book and the chapters with their themes seemed incredibly random. Since I tend to judge nonfiction books also by how much I retain, I have to take a bunch of stars down, because instead of feeling like I have learned a lot I have a headache. Interesting? Absolutely. But makes for a very difficult reading experience, not just because of the gory terror captured within its pages.

Russia: Art, Royalty and the Romanovs

Editor: Caroline de Guitaut

First published: 2019

Pages: 496

Rating: ★★★★★

For people like me, who cannot just set out and visit the Royal Collection or indeed an exhibition, this catalogue is the next best thing. A plethora of items from photographs, dishes, Fabergé eggs to orders and portraits... everything is presented in very high-quality resolution and can be viewed in detail within these pages. The information surrounding each object gives one also a good idea not only about what you are looking at, but where it came from and whether or not it has some significant personal or political history. Not necessarily a must-have for a Romanov fan, but still a very nice addition to his or her library.

City of Thieves

Author: David Benioff

First published: 2008

Pages: 258

Rating: ★★★★☆

This is a fast-paced, entertaining and yet moving little book, which acts almost as a little window into a short moment in time: a few days in the frozen, besieged Leningrad and its immediate surroundings. It is so well put together, showing all of the horror of war yet never turning into a torture-porn and keeping a certain lightness which was simply neccessary for anyone involved. You had to find something human in those inhuman times to survive and this is a story that captures that really well. I could have done without some of the sexual musings, true, but I am not mad at those. This is a good one.

The Mirror and the Light

Author: Hilary Mantel

First published: 2020

Pages: 912

Rating: ★★★★★

A powerful finale to a monumental three-tome novel, which I would not hesitate to label as outstanding, poignant and one of the books our times offer to the future as a legacy. It is a story told in a way that transports you, pulls you in, makes you almost meditate on many events, issues, relationships and human failings. A modern classic.

The Red Tent

Author: Anita Diamant

First published: 1997

Pages: 352

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Yeah....no. Unlike many other reviewers I have no problem with menstruation and childbirth being the main topic, neither am I offended by the "Adaptation" of Biblical story, but the whole thing seemed awkwardly written for the most part, with tons of telling and hardly any showing. I love when women are given voices where before they were silenced, but I find no great joy when that is only reached by stomping into the ground everything else. Only one or two men in this book are not absolute monsters. Women too are pretty awful, from Dina´s mothers hating each other because of a man´s attention, being heartless to girls whose periods are not treated in certain ways etc. And the Jewish women do not believe in the Jewish God. Instead, they are heavily into idolatry, oracles and nature rituals. Like... Jacob´s wives I get. Sure. We know from the Bible Rachel did steal her father´s little gods. But Sarai? Dina, the daughter of Jacob, herself? Why rewrite a Hebrew story where there is literally no trace of Hebrew God? In some ways, this reminded me of The Mists of Avalon, but there the "forest magic" and everything pagan fits, while here it feels pretentious at times. Nah. Did not like this one.

City of Light, City of Poison: Murder, Magic, and the First Police Chief of Paris

Author: Holly Tucker

First published: 2018

Pages: 336

Rating: ★★★☆☆

A fascinating topic that makes one ill when it comes to sordid details, yet this tapestry is not smoothly woven. The narrative does give you everything you need eventually, but for a long time, you have no idea why it skips from one place and time to another. The names are showered upon your head with little to no introduction, becoming soon pretty overwhelming. The proceedings of the interrogations and trials are pretty much all the same, to the point where there is no need for description. I had thought the book would focus more on the First Police Chief of Paris, who, after all, is in the very title, but he turned out to be a mere observer, which is a pity, given that I found the chapter about his accomplishments in turning Paris into something cilivized very interesting.

[fencesandfrogs]

gathering times.

part of my broader lore series.

i’m breaking from my usual lore narration style for a moment to discuss: how cats know when to gather (because it bothers me).

anyway, i haven't seen any other lore about this, so i'd like to say that explicitly, anyone is welcome to use this if they like it. if you want to use the folklore parts (e.g., the story in "full moon.") please credit me somehow, but otherwise idgaf. (a CC0-1.0 liscence, if you are a nerd. if you're not, it's what i just said.)

section one: tracking the moon

so i have this tiny lore thing where so the cats. track the moon as starclan adding claws to the moon and taking them away. so we have four claws to mess with:

no claws: new moon

one claw: waxing cresent

two claws: half moon

three claws: waxing gibbous

four claws: full moon

but cats usually count these in terms of one claw away from new/half/full, like how people used to call november 20th 10 days from december.

also, since only new and full moons matter for most cats, most cats wouldn't think about the waning moon. hence why it's described as starclan clawing at the moon, because they don't care about the precision.

this is also somewhat decoupled from the idea of a half/quarter moon as a unit of time: cats aren't using this to track time (e.g., one claw to three claws), just as a method of measuring where in the moon they are. i'm not sure if this makes sense, i guess it's kind of like saying "monday" tells you where in the week you are, and saying "third week" says where in the month you are, but you wouldn't say "from second week to fourth week," you'd say the dates or be more specific.

look, cats track time differntly. we're going to talk about when first and why second.

section two: full moons

The leaders discussed this, and they agreed. From then on, they would meet the night after the moon had all its claws, and there were no more debates about when the gathering would be.

(full moon.)

yeah so basically i was so angry that warrior cats act like the moon is either new, half, or full i wrote 1k words of folklore about why that is. that will either be published or publishing soon, so i'm not going to recap it.

basically, the full moon is considered to start when the moon is a whisker's length from full (basically, the first night you can't see that the moon hasn't finished), and that day is the holy day for clans who celebrate like that.

the next day is the gathering.

the third day is the medicine cats' half moon meeting (we're getting to them).

mind, i'm still doing a lot of handwaving here, but i do have a limit to how realistic i demand my fantasy cat novels be.

section three: half moons

There was no celebrations to be had on half moon, and the camp was mostly quiet. Moonrise was coming soon, and Dovepaw could see Willowshine and Mothwing climbing the rocks. Jayfeather greets them, doesn’t ask where she is.

(feathers take flight --- footprints)

so basically half moon is when a whisker could be laid straight on the moon. this is still kind of vague, but let's say starclan intervenes.

i honestly can't come up with a better explanation of how they all agree, so at least this is a definition. the half moon is such a vague term like.

anyway.

section four: new moons

“Won’t everyone be asleep?” she asks, and Willowshine’s eyes glitter.

“On the night of the sleeping moon? I hope they’re not done.”

Dovepaw doesn’t know what that means. But she enters the camp, still alive, apprentices sharing fish, flower petals scattered, and she almost does.

(feathers take flight --- footprints)

okay, this is the one that i think is hardest to tell is ambigious. because you might be thinking "new moon is when there is no moon" but this has the same problem as full moon.

luckily, only medicine cats gather on the new moon. so clans can celebrate whenever.

anyway, internet says people can see a moon at anywhere from 1% to 10% as illuminated, and cats have better night vision, and you get about 3 days in the 0% to 5% range, so i'm not really sure what to derive from this.

i mean there are cycles with a new moon and a 0% moon on either side.

anyway, i'm going to say that cats call it the new moon when it's 0% or new. the first day is always the new moon. we're also going to say their vision is good enough that there's no conflict.

(how is this different from the full moon? its a pyschology thing about complete/empty. a cup isn't empty unless there's nothing in it, but it can be full with not very much in it, even if you're holding out for a full cup. also, stop asking difficult questions. i cover this in "full moon." where the answer is basically the same as this one but with better lore.)

section five: medicine cats meet every half moon

“He’s right,” Willowshine says. “Mothwing made me a medicine cat on a second whisker night, and I swear the clan slept ‘til sunhigh.”

(feathers take flight --- riverbed)

so uhh i've never understood what it means that medicine cats meet for the half moon. in older books, it's called a half moon meeting, which implies that it doesn't occur on the new moon or the full moon. but in moth flight's vision i swear they say they'll meet every half moon which is an established unit of time in canon.

so. do they meet every quarter moon or every half moon.

i've gone with every quarter moon. why? the following:

it means i can let cats stay home now and then.

it makes more sense. if you know much about human medicine, rounds/grand rounds (which are a similar vibe with less religion) happen every day to every month, depending on the scale of the encounter. i think meeting every quarter moon makes more sense because they're constantly talking about getting advice from each other, and it would be so much easier to just have jayfeather ask for littlecloud's help at the next half moon meeting than running over, since that's what the point of the meeting is.

i want to.

anyway, new moons for clans and medicine cats can get desynched. kind of like geographic north/magnetic north, and human months vs the lunar cycle. it's not super common, but it does happen and no one really cares.

they meet on a second-whisker night for the full moon. that's basically, okay, in "full moon." i say

"No," said Briarleap. "But when the moon has all its claws, there is always a time where the moon is a whisker's length from fullness. We ought not to waste our energy gathering when the moon isn't full. So the clans must gather the moonrise after the last claw is returned."

and the understanding is, the "last claw" night briarleap is talking about is called "first-whisker night" that's the holy night.

first whisker is the night they meet. because it's supposed to be properly full but sometimes there's a whisker.

and second whisker is the next night, when medicine cats meet.

yes, that does mean any clans that celebrate the full moon have exhausted medicine cats near full moon. this is why meetings are every quarter moon. so they can stay home for a meeting without missing a major important time.

alright, i believe that's all i have for this. as a fun bonus, i have some consistent warrior/medicine cat training timelines.

The typical medicine cat training period is four seasons, although after the first two to three, they are usually alloted a good amount of autonomy.

...

There’s no vigil for medicine cats. They have trained for four seasons, seen the clan at its best and worst, and have already chosen to sacrifice much of a warrior life for the good of their clan. If Willowshine decides to make Dovepaw a full medicine cat, the clan will feast in her honor that night.

(feathers take flight --- riverbed)

the implication here is that warriors train for two seasons, which is why medicine cats are given more authority around then. in riverclan, that's when they move into the medicine cat's den, because their denmates are moving into the warriors den. not always, though:

“Am I going to be all alone when Troutpaw and Rushpaw and Mossypaw become warriors?” she asks. Dovepaw has never slept alone.

(Jayfeather, alone in his den.)

“I don’t think so,” Willowshine says. “They might stay in with you until Fernstream’s kits become apprentices, or you could sleep in the medicine den. You’re always welcome.”

(feathers take flight --- riverbed)

(fernstream is an invention bc riverclan doesn't have any queens they don't age it's a problem i need to redo their allegiances for FTF.)

anyway yeah that's a different story tho.

finally, take these cute words from mistystar to dovepaw:

“Then I make Dovepaw kin, and say she is born from River, as we all are. And I trust her training to Willowshine, and Starclan, to guide her paws.”

(feathers take flight --- riverbed)