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beesmygod · 2 months

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What's your take, if you have one, on the cut moon presence boss on the lake of mud?

as always, i dont know. i thought i didn't really have much to say but the more i typed the more i Realized. but i still don't really know lol. this is really image heavy, which made it long, so most of it is under a readmore.

e: hello bea from the future here. hey. this gave me so much to chew on for the next section in a shockingly positive direction. thank you so much for getting this ball rolling

it half-relevant but there's also some kind of. intermediary thing. i think it's the same shape as the used moon presence but its blue. for some reason.

no animations on this one, so it was cut early. different "faces" as well. or the low quality of the cut one doesn't maintain the "features" as accurately.

oh what the fuck. hold on. look at the head of the "lake of mud" (LOM from now on) moon presence compared to the others

ive made posts in the past about anti-clockwise and clockwise metamorphosis runes possibly referencing the in-game phenomenon of creature's heads being turned in odd directions. loran silverbeasts and the crawler enemies (ostensibly both loran/nightmare frontier residents) have their "heads" turned clockwise, like above. slime scholar and probably other things i cant remember turn anti-clockwise.

the crawlers are....i mean they're gross. but also uncanny. there's SOMETHING going on here, right? god only know what though. they are also known for the grim sight you can take in when they rear up to Get You: their...stomach?? is rife with messengers. being consumed? maybe? it evokes the image of the artbook moon presence, who is swarming with messengers in the same area of its body.

anyway back to the little creep.

in the center of its chest there's this bizarre unknown thing. if you peel away the majority of its body it looks like this. a grey blob with tentacles. as far as i can tell it doesn't have bones to animate, unlike the rest of the model. the entire model has unfinished textures so its hard to tell what it's supposed to be.

judging from the blisters on the creature, it is CURSED. the orphan of kos' placenta weapon (which is, i think, just a huge cursed blood gem?) has these same blisters, marking it as a fellow "cursed" great one infant (? probably? look at what a runt it is).

curses are a complex aspect of the bloodborne universe. sometimes they can be identified by the appearance of "sickly spots", but other times, curses are color-coded with purple (or red, but that seems strictly related to cainhurst nope i forgot foetid offering can give enemies red rally auras and change their drop tables to include cursed blood gems. much to think about) auras and magic.

a curse is exactly what you expect it to be: great power at a high price (like a huge weapon bonus but your health depletes per second), but the source is arcane. the cursed and defiled pthumerian chalice states, "curses are caused by inciting the anger of the Great Ones, and used to hex others." winter lanterns, the enemies with the heads made out of messengers fused into a brain shape, are the only enemy that consistently only drops cursed blood gems (and, evidently, blood gems only form in the dungeon or nears its entrances). given the pattern of these spots appearing on bosses, it can be reasonably assumed that winter lanterns are the result of a great one's wrath. what the fuck! i dont know what that means!

we're not going to bother going into the nuances of rites and data-mining because holy shit. this garbage is needlessly complex for how half-baked its implementation is. but cursed offerings create cursed dungeons to explore with cursed blood gems to collect. cursed and defiled pthumeru is differentiated by the purple (!) skull vapor overflowing from the chalice. cursed rites required cursed materials: bastards of loran are the mummified bodies of infants who died midway through their transformation into a silverbeast. with the clockwise heads.

okay. that wrapped us up back around to the beginning. i think the lake of mud arena was intended to be in loran, canonically. it has a bunch of different variations that probably would have been used for root dungeon generation rather than canon usage. a lake of dried up water fits perfectly with the terrifyingly arid climate of loran (which generates the blue bolts in the atmosphere). at one point, it seems that several chalice dungeons would have had secret 4th layers (they're still in the game and can be accessed with some light hex editing); i propose that this is where that fight would have taken place. the previous layer would have been the cut great one beast. and layer 2 would have been the loran darkbeast. layer 1 would have been the abhorrent beast instead of the baffling loran silverbeast boss fight that's completely inexplicable otherwise. isz has similar pacing issues. oh shit, i wonder if that's what that blue one is supposed to be. fuuuuccckkk.

the ailing loran chalice tells the player that "some have made the dreaded extrapolation that Yharnam may be next" but the game is telling YOU the player that YOU are supposed to look at loran and extrapolate the fate of yharnam from it. loran was also using old blood as medicine and became a place overrun with beasts and abandoned by god. the loran moon presence is bloated with curses and lives in a place devoid of water, a horrible thing for a great one given how much they love to yammer about lakes and the sea. the area outside of the LOM arena is, amazingly, the exact same facade as the entrance to mergo's loft. there's a stained glass window above the door that's shared between locations, yet again linking loran, the nightmare frontier, and the nightmare of mensis together. and, really, the hunter's nightmare, since the LOM arena was very, VERY similar to the orphan's ocean with identical architecture.

holy shit i guess this is what im working on tonight. and now i see how micolash fits into the entire timeline. neat

#bloodborne #bloodborne lore

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barry-j-blupjeans · 1 year

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📓!

listen listen listen. i think about this one too much.

angus mcdonald, boy detective. he's not exactly new to the detective business, but he solved a pretty Big case and now ppl respect him more. they give him Special Permissions. specifically, he is given permission to take a crack at some older unsolved cases after solving one that has stumped everyone for Quite Some Time (insert classic spicy murder case here). he's getting to become a pretty Notable Detective and he is Ready For This. and a lot of them really just needed a fresh pair of eyes. like, hello, of course old mrs johnson wasn't murdered by her dog, it was obviously her Goddamn Husband, Holy Shit. that kinda thing, yknow??

so he takes this new case on. missing person, easy peasy. only it is not, in fact, easy peasy. the case goes as followed: elven woman, 300ish years old, has been missing for 10 years, was wearing a red robe, had an umbrella etc etc. it's a very pathetic case, if im being completely honest. angus tries to contact the family but the only stone line they gave is dead and every address they gave comes up fruitless. he thinks that maybe they're like, dead, or they gave up. understandable, considering their case had pretty much been declaimed dead before it started.

(which only makes angus wanna solve it more, ofc ofc)

and try as he might, angus just keeps hitting dead ends. like, so many fucking dead ends. he always feels like he gets close to something, but there's a Mental Block stopping him. not like a "i dont know what to do next" mental block, like a "i cannot physically comprehend what's going on anymore" mental block. he spends a while doing other cases, but he keeps coming back to it because there has never been a case angus mcdonald couldn't solve.

eventually, he finds another lead. or well, another case. the rockseeker family hears word about him and hire him to take a crack at finding cyrus rockseeker. coincidentally, he went missing ten years ago. that in itself is not too unusual- faerun as a whole has a disturbing amount of missing person cases, most dating 10 to 12 years ago. but that's a different thing entirely. the point is is that angus had a lead on where cyrus might have gone. the rockseekers own a mine- wave echo cave- and angus is like, 90% sure that's where he went.

so he gets down there and he doesn't find cyrus- but he does find someone else. red robe, check. umbrella, check. elf… skeleton- not preferable, but check. and angus, of course, does not want to tamper with crime scene evidence but he's gotta take something back with him to get tested, to use as proof so they can send another team down here, etc. so he takes the umbrella. and the ding dang skeleton disintegrates. aw man D:

so now he has an umbrella. a lead one case (angus knows all about the door n the rockseeker blood and all that. he had to sit through 45 mins of the rockseekers explaining this to him. but cyrus has got to be behind that door.), a kind of solved second case. at the very least, he can now inform the family what happened to their elf friend and assure them that he will continue to update them as the rockseeker case progresses.

only he can't find them. at all.

this is where the idea gets a little choppy. bc one one hand, i would Love for him to be able to find them before anything else. bc i like confrontation scenes. i did write a lil ficlet on that that we are ignoring for the sake of this ask meme lsdkfsd.

on the other hand, i have a very very vivid image of angus continuing to work on rockseeker case and trying to find the elf woman's family. when that falls through, he makes the rockseeker case his main priority. except that like- this umbrella does not want to leave him alone. the magic department in goldcliff say that it's an umbrastaff which means it's magic. and while angus does not want to tamper with evidence, it's hard when the thing literally rolls after him. it's his Friend now!! he loves it! it throws flames at his enemies!

anyway lskdfsd eventually it gets to a point where the rockseeker family is called in to help open the door- if they want to know where cyrus went, they're gonna have to get in that room. angus has a very uncomfortable adventure with gundren rockseeker and finally, finally the door is open. inside is, as predicted, is cyrus. except he's all burnt up and there's this Glove on his hand. and, again, angus does not like tampering with evidence but this time he doesnt even get to debate his reasons why by gundren is taking the glove and then he's on fire and, yknow, all of that.

jumpcut to angus in phandalin. end of htbg's style, the city goes up in flames, angus hides in the well with his umbrella friend. by the time he gets out, the entire city is just. Gone. n all that's left is the circle of black glass.

this, ofc, leads to a lot of investigations on what the Fuck happened. angus gives the glove a wide berth as he calls in reinforcements. part of me wants to say the militia takes the glove, somehow, but that seems like a mess. i think it's more of them blocking off the area and trying to figure out what the fuck it is, because they all feel the Weird Vibes about it. several people end up banned from the case because they just- want it so bad.

one morning, angus wakes up (im imagining little tents set up around the glassing) to an alarm blaring. there are People trying to steal the glove. angus isn't the toughest lil guy, but he's determined and he's fast, so he's the first to catch up with them. the thieves have this big silver ship that they are racing back, but Angus somehow manages to cut them off. he points the umbrastaff at them and is like "what the FUCK do you think your doing??"

missing person case, now ft. angus mcdonald as the role of Missing Person. turns out these thieves are not above kidnapping if you've got the umbralla that belonged to their long lost family member.

i could go on. i have imagined this so many different ways. i have so many thoughts. this got so long help sldjfsdf

#i am speaking #i have so many thoughts !!!!!!!#asks #terezis #ise cube answers #idea ask game

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hikari-ni-naritai · 2 years

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do prime numbers^^

curses, my crimes have come back to haunt me u_u

2. How old are you?

29! soon im going to be very old

3. When is your birthday?

march 2

5. What is your favorite color?

really depends on the current vibe but i do really like sky blue

7. Do you have any pets?

we've got 3 cats in the house. Little Boy, Little Girl, and Destiel Cannon Spanish Dub. technically theyre not 'mine' though theyre my brother's

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

uhhh i wanna say........ 3? i have the pair i actually wear, i have an old pair that i havent thrown out, and im PRETTY sure i have the cream converse i bought in college for my 10th doctor cosplay.

13. What talents do you have?

im pretty good at ff14 raiding. everything else is like. skills ive never been talented at but ive worked on for years.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

if this is like a 'who' as in an example of a person, i dont have an answer. but if its just describing someone, it has to be a girl who's nice to me, can spend a lot of time with me, and it needs to be an exclusive relationship. im a very fragile, very lonely, and very jealous person and ive learned that i cant compromise on these things or ill just get myself hurt over and over. beyond that, it would be good if shes a better person than i am so i have something to aim for. anything else is like, just unnecessary benefits? it would be nice if she'd raid with me, it would be nice if shes a redhead, but like. its fine if not.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

thats a hard question. i do wanna get married someday and i dont wanna just go sign a paper at the courthouse but i dont have any connection to the church anymore but i do like the idea of committing blasphemy by being a trans lesbian marrying a woman in a church. who knows. id probably just get married somewhere else.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

i dont think so!

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

with this obscenely dysphoric body? hell no

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

on my left side, wrapped around hanako daki lol

37. Favorite swear word?

huge fan of fuck, personally

41. Are you a good liar?

im SOOO bad at lying. unbelievably bad. i can hardly even say lies. ive learned to avoid telling the truth if necessary but even that im bad at.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

if ive got a script to read! i did a lot of accents when playing through ace attorney. cant guarantee they were good or accurate but like. i did them. EXTREMELY bad at german though. had to keep doing that for fucking klavier. awful time.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

the aforementioned 10th doctor cosplay for sure

53. Favorite foreign food?

there was a fuckin pasta stir fry i had in israel when i visited and it was the best thing ive ever eaten but i have no idea what it was or how to make it.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

both, im very impatient and i love biting

61. Do you sing to yourself?

i do!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

if i had 50 blank spaces i could probably fill them. im not going to do it here tho.

71. What makes you nervous?

Basically Everything! people and strangers especially.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

less often than i used to! its very rarely appreciated or wanted so i dont.

79. Who was your first real crush?

ive talked about her a lot but it was this cute redheaded girl when i was in 8th grade. it did not go well! i was so so so bad at socialising in school and i freaked her out and she didnt like me. i have evidence that we became friends by late high school but all my memory of that disappeared when i went to college. she got married a few years back. shes still both my ideal gender and gf appearance.

83. How fast can you run?

im surprisingly fast when i need to be. my legs are the only part of my body that has any muscle mass in them. dont have much stamina though anymore.

89. Do you like your age?

the hell does this even mean lol. its okay i guess

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

i dont think so! no idea what my dad's side of the family got up to back in the day though.

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goat-yells-at-everything · 2 years

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So ive started to impose "rent" on myself so I can start budgeting for a real apartment. Ive decided to take 500 from each check (twice a month) an move it to my savings. It'll help me grow that safety net while also make me think about what expenses are most important.

I'm actually incredibly relieved to find out that my last paycheck, for the 2 weeks I barely worked due to the infection, I was still able to take out that 500 and put it in saving and still have something in the checking account.

I'm not 100% sure what my actual rent payments may be, the apartments I've looked at are between 750 and 1000+ but some of them also include utilities so thats a plus.

My plan is to leave illinois behind next October. I want to celebrate my next Halloween in my own place. I intend to keep 90% of my Halloween decor out as general deco because heck you its my apartment! Lol

I can't wait. I'm so ready to take that big step to being an adult and having my own place. Ya, home right now is "my own" but its not, really. Its still my parents house. I just... don't feel any sense of ownership cuse, well, I dont. An apartment will be all mine. I can put up my madoka magica scroll without having to take it down when they come home (they already think I'm a lesbian, don't need to give them more evidence). I can hang things on the wall (command hooks are the best) and finally display some of my figures and things in fun ways. I can decide what my whole living space will look like and screw anyone else's taste.

Most of the places I'm looking at have some nice outdoor space that I can make my own, too, without a whole lot of maintenance. My number 1 pick has a fenced in patio with a small grass space. Enough for Rosie to be able to go and potty but not enough that I'll have to mow for a hour to keep it nice. Since its Florida ill have an almost infinite growing season so ill be able to make my little garden really shine.

I know there will be hard times. Renting is not easy street by any means. Im hoping the places I like has an older population cuse then I won't have to deal with kids screaming at all hours.

Uhg. Now the dog is grumbling so I guess I gotta end my rambling for this morning. Just... needed to vent I guess. ^^;

#goat just rambles

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frostbite-the-bat · 2 years

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random rant about a classmate below because i am still goin wacky zany over this and the fact nobody listened when i tried to explain like. yknow. the actual. facts. and i thought despite these things being an interest of mines, i was bad at them and knew very little, at least this was reassuring that i am not as well uneducated about these things. what was it over?? my classmate being just SO SURE that dragons exist

like im thinkin abt how hard i was fucking holding back she was like" DRAGONS EXIST OTHERWISE - WHY DID WE CREATE THIS WORD?? HOW DID WE COME UP WITH THEM!! IT MEANS FOR SURE THAT BACK IN THE DAY PEOPLE SAW DRAGONS AND SO IF THEY ONCE WERE REAL IT MEANS THERE COULD STILL BE ONES AROUND!! SRSLY!! HOW DID WE COME UP WITH THIS ? THATS BECAUSE WE DIDNT!!! HUH YEAH!!! IF THOSE LIKE DINOSAURS EXISTED ONCE IF MAMMOTHS COULD EXIST ONCE THEN DRAGONS AND THESE GUYS COULD TOO!! LIKE!!! THEY FOUND SOME DRAGON IN REAL LIFE IN SOME JUNGLE!! IT doesnt fly but it glides BUT!! IT'S LIKE A LIZARD AND IT CAN ALMOST FLY SO THAT MEANS IT'S LIKE THE CHILD OF A DRAGON THAT ONCE EXISTED!!!!"

and i may be typing this in all caps lock but all of this is stuff she actually said and i was just there hyped to talk about how to train your dragon and then happy to educate about dinosaurs and evolution but oh my god literally nobody in the room understood the fact that just because you want to it doesn't randomly exist and language evolved as we went so we now have words to describe things, even fictional ones, and people in history were dumb and often didn't even know they had bad vision and would quickly jump to conclusions like OHH MYSTHICAL ANIMAL and sooo much more shit i will not even get into but nope that dont matter because i guess if the word "Dragon" exists and people in Them Medieval Times :tm: knew about dragons it is 100% proof that they had to be real. she. she. even pulled out like. a photo of a fossil - a dinosaur's jaw imprint and i cannot tell what it was she was far away but she was like "SEE!! SEE!! DRAGON!!!" oh my god and i thought i was wacky zany for being like "hmm yknow itd be cool if these things existed for real! id like that. but theres just no actual evidence and people are a bit dumb. still cool to think about!" but this is next level. she even thought that because birds evolved from dinosaurs, it means we evolved from them too

oh my gOOOooOOoOooDDDDDDDDi am goIGN INSANEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE what is she on first she turns out to be a tradwife, then transphobic of course and then this what the fuck is she reading :skull:

this.... convo stemmed from us poking fun at marriages we have been to (instead of partying at one i went inside, ate all the cake and watched how to train your dragon) and then religion, for some reason? i said that well yknow if that stuff were real all of us would be descendants of incest because it was all adam and eve at first and how ridiculous it is. and like "no calm down despite us humans being like the same species and evolving from the same damn thing we are not THAT closely related like no you and your boyfriend can date and such it only becomes an issue if you are very closely related. are you okay." and then she just randomly went on this rant like i was losing my shit i was tryna explain how shit actually works but no :skull:.

like. and what does she mean by dragon anyway. big scaly lizard, bat wings on its back, can breathe fire???? if these fuckers existed not even a 1000 years ago we'd!! have evidence of it!!! theres a lot of undiscovered shit but if we can find fossils from millions of years ago dug up like that we'd easily find some shit like a dragon!!!! my godddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

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wandas-lunchbox · 3 years

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another love

pairing: natasha romanoff x fem!reader

warnings: cheating, break up

a/n: i really just wrote some angst. okay then 🤩

summary: nat cheats on you for wanda

🏷: @nermalina @xprvngs @marvelwomenslut

please dont repost or try to plagarise my work in any way. you don’t have permission to do so. likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated! <3

“can you just kiss me, one last time that’s all i’m asking” natasha whispered her eyes evidently red and puffy. the two of you had been fighting all night. nat had come home from a long mission the other night and had chosen to stay the night with wanda instead of you. you were scared that what you thought had happened did happen. and boy were you right.

“why don’t you go kiss wanda instead maybe you’ll enjoy that more” you whisper, your voice going hoarse.

“y/n, baby please don’t do this please” natasha says holding your hand

“don’t do what? what don’t i do? hm? you cheated on me natasha! and now you’re telling me what not to do! no,” you say raising your voice again.

“don’t raise your fucking voice at me!” natasha says gripping your wrists tighter. you look at her with fear in your eyes, you quickly pull your hand away and turn around. natasha realizes what she did and the look in her eyes makes you breaks into more tears. you didn’t know your body could produce this many tears at once.

“i trusted you nat. i trusted you. i told you things i wouldn’t have told anyone, and you promised me you wouldn’t do anything in return.” you turned back around. “you’ve never hurt me. not once, but this nat? this fucking hurts.” a silence filled the room

“it wasn’t meant to go this far y/n, we were only supposed to be sleeping.” she said breaking the silence.

“then why couldn’t you have come home, if you had to just sleep, why go to wanda’s. obviously you wanted it to go this far you wouldn’t have gone there if you just wanted to sleep” the frustration showing more and more in your voice. “why her nat? what is it that she has that i don’t? powers? strength? being an avenger?”

“moya luybov it was an accident i di-“

“an accident!? an accident? oh my fucking god natasha. thats what you have to say? that it was a fucking accident, because it sure as hell doesn’t seem like. yeah i’ve seen you two, the flirtatious looks, wanda putting thoughts in your mind.”

“can-can we just work this out.”

“natasha, no. we can’t work this out. you know why? because you’ve been lying to me this entire relationship. it wasn’t me and you. it was always you and wanda. always. 6 FUCKING MONTHS NAT. why didn’t you just leave me if you wanted to be with her so bad?”

sobs wrack your body. you had only ever loved natasha but this. this hurt. you couldn’t seem to process the fact that someone who pretended so well to love you, didn’t actually love you.

“my friends all said you’d break my heart, i ignored them all. i lost all my friends to prove to them that you wouldn’t break my heart, but here we are with you breaking my heart.”

“y/n, honey, just look at-“

“nat how many times are you going to look into my eyes and lie to me. i cant do that, not if you’re going to keep lying” you say. you fell silent again and nat broke the silence again.

“how could a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine?” she whispers walking away from the situation holding her forehead, her head aching. you bring your head down and shake it not being able to process the situation.

“i don’t want to loose you, but i can’t live with this, i can’t live with you doing this to me” you look at the ring shining on your finger and play with it. nat is still looking away, you couldn’t tell what her expressions were. happy maybe? happy that she’d finally gotten rid of you like she’s always wanted. you whisper something softly “was it her you were thinking of when you made love to me?”

nat turns around her mouth open. she had nothing to say. you pursed your lips in a line. you had gotten all you had needed from that expression. “it’s hard y/n, i love you a-“

“natasha. if you loved me, you would never have done this.” you flatly say. natasha sniffs and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her sweater.

“i’m done nat, i’m done trying so hard for you for you to not even look at my direction. i’m not some toy you can play with natasha! its always wanda, it always has been.” you say shaking your head over and over again. your breathing becoming heavy.

“p-please y/n, we can start over. i’ll do anything, everything. i’ll fix everything, just please don’t leave me,” natasha chokes on a sob.

“no, nat i don’t think i can go through that again. i- i can’t trust you anymore, not after this.”

“i never meant to hurt you y/n/n”

“yeah, well if you didn’t mean to hurt me, you wouldn’t have done this, you wouldn’t have cheated. you wouldn’t have dated me. you wouldn’t have married me.” you say all whilst gripping your hands together tightly. you couldn’t cry in front of her again. you couldn’t show her how weak you would be without her. you couldn’t do that.

you walk over to the door of your shared apartment and placed your keys to the house on the kitchen counter. “here, give that to wanda will you, and do me a favor, don’t call this number again” you say walking out of the door. you run to the elevator hiding yourself from people not wanting them to see you cry. you race to your car, open the door and slam it shut. you sob into yourself. you hated this. you still loved her. you loved her so much, but you couldn’t do that to yourself. nowhere but nat was home. nats arms, her voice, everything was your comfort. you open your phone to a voicemail of nat.

“hey love, don’t know if you’re up yet, but i love you and i hope you have a good day, i just needed to run an errand, ill be back soon my love”

you cry harder and whisper to yourself, “i can’t do this without you”

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff angst #zee: writes shit #reader inserts #marvel

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t0shii · 3 years

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hi could i request kita, tendou, and mattsun and it’s your first time sleeping at their place and they find out you cant sleep in the dark and need to sleep with a night light?

% s/o who can't sleep in the dark

.! timeskip! kita, tendou, matsuwaka (sep) x gn!r

.! fluff/ mention of food in kita's, mention of rainstorm in tendou's, water drinking in mattsun's- not proofread.

.! hi! ty for the request <3 sorry u had to wait so long :(( (idk why these ended up to be so long)

kita

to say you were nervous to stay the night as your boyfriends place for the first time would be an understatement... your heart raced as kita placed your back on the ground to unlock the front door, "make yourself at home." he opens the door, "down there is the bathroom... and that's my room." he shows you around and you crack a joke about how clean his house is compared to your apartment. you both decide on a movie night with take out which he insisted you choose.

you yawn and rub your eyes as the third movie of the night ends. you'd been laying in between his legs, back pressed against his chest. you sit up and he follows, wrapping his arms around you and perching his chin on your shoulder, "sleepy? we can head to bed if you want." he mumbles into your neck before planting a kiss there, "mhm, let me change first though." you try standing up to reach your bag but his hold on you doesn't loosen, "i have clothes you can wear." he says bluntly, standing up and bringing you with him. he leads you to his room, rummages through his dresser and hands you a shirt and shorts, "these should fit, yeah? i'll leave so you can change."

you start to internally panic as you both settle into his bed, and he begins turning off every light in the room. suddenly theres only one bedside lamp illuminating the room, he reaches to turn it off and lays down, pulling your body against his which makes you giggle. "good night." he mumbles into your hair, "night." you sigh. 'maybe if you close your eyes you'll forget it's dark' you think to yourself, squeezing your eyes shut. thirty minutes pass you're still awake. you sigh, a little louder than intended, "y/n? are you still awake?" you mentally scold yourself, "yeah" he props himself up with his elbow; you angle your head back to look at him, "what's wrong?" the sleep in his voice evident. "well... uhm... i..." his eyes soften as he notices you becoming nervous and he cups your cheek with his free hand, "you can tell me angel."

you can help but lean into his touch "it's embarrassing" "not it's not" "okay well... i can't sleep in the dark. ever since i was a kid, i've never been able to." you can see eyebrows furrow from the small amount of moon light peeking through his curtains, "why didn't you tell me before i turned all the lights off?" he frowns, reaching over to turn the lamp on, relief filling your chest at the illuminated room. "because it's embarrassing." you mumble as he lays back down and pulls you against his chest again, "it's not embarrassing, baby, at least not to me. so no need to embarrassed, i won't judge you for i and besides, i don't mind sleeping with a light on." he places and kiss on your temple and you sleep well, secure and comfortable in his arms.

tendou

you'd been over to tendou's apartment plenty of times before and every time you made up some lame excuse for why you couldn't stay the night, "i need to feed my cat" "my clothes are still in the washer" literally anything to save you from the embarrassment of having to tell him you couldn't sleep in the dark. tonight was different though, with a storm passing over town and not looking like it's letting up any time soon, he wouldn't let you leave. "ten, i dont have any clothes here, my cat's by herself-" he cuts you off "babe, babe- you can wear something of mine if you want and i'm sure she'll be fine. she's a cat." he holds you firmly in your cuddling position on his couch. "fine." you grumble.

really, if he had to be honest, it hurt tendou's feelings a little bit that you were always against the idea of staying the night with him- but he had no choice but to celebrate this small victory and thank the rain storm, "it's for your safety, angel." he says proudly, placing a kiss on your cheek. you choose to ignore the nervous feeling creeping up your belly and rest your head back on his chest, "yeah yeah let's just continue with the show, i'm invested in the plot." "you mean the hot main characters?" "exactly... the plot." you giggle while he pretends to be offended. three hours later you find your eyelids getting heavier and heavier until you can barely keep them open and your boyfriend seems to take notice quickly.

"are you falling asleep on me? we haven't even finished season 3 yet." he mumbles and you let out a groan, "it's two in the morning, of course i'm getting sleepy." you rub your eyes, "i'm just giving you a hard time, babe. you're the one who wanted to stay up though but i guess we can go to bed now." you sit up and stands from his position on the couch and helps you up, "c'mon sleepy head, you can make it." he grins taking your hand and leading you to his room. he lets you sit on his bed while he looks through his dresser, "hmm is this shirt okay?" you nod as he hands you an old band shirt "i'll be right back." he leaves the room with his own change of clothes. once he's back you both lay down, "oh babe, i almost forgot, you wanna see something cool? he gets out of the bed and you respond with an "mhm" as he begins to turn all the lights off, a familiar nervousness creeping up your belly as the room gets darker and darker.

"okay okay, so i don't sleep well in pitch dark but the lamp is just too much light so i got this-" he plugs in a small object into the wall, stars illuminate his bedroom ceiling as well as your other surroundings and he smiles wide, "see it makes stars, theres a moving option too but i don't really like it that much. oh, and don't make fun of me." he says seriously, sliding back into bed with you, arms wrapping loosely around your waist, "well i can't make fun of you for that, satori." "i was just hoping you wouldn't, honestly." he chuckles. "babe, do you wanna know i always avoided staying the night here?" you ask, ready to confess your secret. "i didn't wanna force it out of you but now that you're ready, yes." you both turn your heads to look at each other. "the truth is, i was embarrassed because i also cant sleep in the dark, been that way for as long as i can remember. but i'm glad theres someone i can relate to." "how ironic" he mumbles, placing his face into the crook of your neck. you sleep like a baby in his arms that night.

matsuwaka

you were over at issei's place so he could help you study for an exam coming up, honestly you didn't want to stay as late as you did and when the both of you finally noticed the time he just wouldn't let you leave. "c'mon baby, it's too late. it would be irresponsible of me to let you go home now, i don't mind you staying the night." he hugs you tight like you'll disappear if he lets go, face buried in the crook of your neck. you sigh in defeat, "okay fine." his head perks up as you say it and he smiles at you, "i can get you something to sleep in if you want."

that's how you got in this situation, awake hours after your boyfriend had already fallen asleep. finally after two hours of laying in the dark listening to his snores, you sigh quietly, slipping out of his loose embrace and tip toeing your way to his kitchen to get a glass of water and sat at the dining table. you'd been sitting there for about thirty minutes before you heard the bedroom door creak open and heavy, rushed footsteps make their way towards you. "y/n?" you recognize a panic in your boyfriend's groggy voice, "i'm in here." you croak out hearing a sigh of relief escape his lips once he sees you. you look up at him, his hair was an absolute curly mess and his eye lids were droopier than they already were, he was obviously still half asleep. "y/n there you are. he sits in a chair next to you, "you scared me, i woke up and you were gone. i thought you left." he leans his head on your shoulder, "sorry." you mumble, bringing a hand up to run through his hair a few times resulting in a groan from the man.

"'s okay, how long have you been awake?" "hmm about two and a half hours now." you reply honestly, "what? baby, why didn't you wake me up?" he raises his head and you both turn to look at each other, "you were tired, issei-" he interrupts you, "so? you shouldn't have had to be awake by yourself." "it's fine, i knew it was gonna happen, i knew i wouldn't be able to sleep" "why's that?" you sigh, internally scolding yourself for the hole you've dug yourself into. "i... i cant sleep in the dark." he looks at you for a moment, "that's all? that's what kept you up this whole time?" he asks and you nod. mattsun can't help the grin that makes his way onto his lips, "baby, you should've just told me, i could've kept a light on for you." "no- look i shouldn't have told you now you'll think i'm immature." you mumble, looking away from him. "no no baby, it's totally normal, honestly and i don't think any less of you. i just wish you would've told me sooner because then we'd both be sleeping right now. he hugs you before standing the both of you up, "c'mon we're going to bed." he grabs your glass and leads you back to his bed. you sleep in his embrace, table lamp illuminating the room the rest of the night.

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samshogwarts · 3 years

Note

Omg. Of course, a Nazi would send his MC to a Nazi school to learn evil magic. It couldn't be more conspicuous!

People like you are the worst!

Okay, I'll try to make the whole review thing happen. I think that you are the same person that bads my MC X Charlie Weasley shipping too. I can't deny that your Asks hurt me and almost made me quit Tumblr. But I never responded to this news because I would have waited for you to be a victory. But once again I am called a Nazi by you and I would have to name your "evidence" for it.

1. I am German, yes. And I see no reason to hide this fact. Of course I know the history of my country and I am sure I know more about it than you.

2. Samantha is blond. This was also a proof for you, that I am a Nazi. Yes Samantha is blond because the OC is inspired by a blond Videogame character.

3. I have no OC with dark skin color. Ok, this is true. I have no OC with dark skin color, but I didn't there is a "checklist not to be nazi" 🤔

4. According to you I have a Problem woth other Religions. Mh...if you mean with other ALL Religions, I have to admit, you are a bit right. I have a Problem with Religions, because they are made by humans for me. But that doesn't mean I do not believe. I am no fan of the System of Religions, but if someone is in a Religions etc, it's okay for me. I also believe that believing in a religion gives you strength and of course churches and religions also do a lot of good. Still, it's not mine and I've had rather negative experiences. But everyone should believe in what they want.

For the whole "Falreshin/samshogwarts is a Nazi" I have even more food for the troll.

I am not just a german, I was also born in Berlin! My natural hair color is blond. I have blue eyes. I can speak with Berlin accent. My last Name hast somethibg to do with beer. So have fun with it.

Oh! And my hphml MC will be A GERMAN! HAHAHAHAHA!

I am proud to be german, because beside 2 ww, germany did a lot of good things and had amazing ppl. Many scientists, researchers, scholars and artists came from Germany. And without them we wouldn't live the way we do today.

To your Sam x Charlie hate.

I know the sexuality of Charlie Weasley is a difficult topic. Also I know some other ppl ship their OC with him etc etc. I already made a Post about it and to be honest, I don't really like to explain myself for this shipping.

There is a reason why I ship them and over the time, i even really enjoy this ship and know there are ppl outside who do as well.

.............

You worked the whole year so hard to destroy my Motivationnso hard, that I even started to believe what you said. I lost my motivation and I was afraid to post stuff on this blog.

But let's be honest. That's stupid! I am a full grown adult and who know where you are sitting! So why do I care about what you think? I also never answered your ask or deactiv the anon ask Option because it would felt like a lose to you for me.

But I don't want that anymore. I am still a person who belive a hater lore than compliments and this is stupid.

Ppl encourage me to fight back. Abd this is what I am doing now. If you don't like my content, I have no Problems with that. Also tjat you think I am the worst. Because I dont want to suot ppls like you. So have fun and Joy in your like, because from now on, I will Post aaaaaaaaaallllll the shit I want to and I will be happy about it.

And with the words of @stupendousbookworm:

GOFFIK BITCH

For everyone else: If ever post something you are not sure about, makes you feel uncomftable or make you have some questions - ask me! I am a open book and I have no Problem talking about the history of my country. So don't worry about that.

#anon ask #flare is serious #serious talk now #I laughed so hard about the pic

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ifandomus · 3 years

Text

Should Steve have told Tony about his parents?

I have been thinking a lot about why Steve and Natasha didnt tell Tony about what happend to his parents. Then I started wondering how much did they actually know?

youtube

So here we get a big hint that hydra killed Howard Stark. However we also have to remember the context of whats going on. This whole scene was Zola taunting Steve while stalling them so that they would be killed by the missile that hit literally 1 minute later. And throughout the entire movie Steve was finding out and going through a lot with no time to proccess anything.

1. He found out that hydra was still active and had been influencing the world for 70 years. And that he had been unknowingly working for them for two years. Even though he gave his life to stop hydra. And that the reason they were still active was because 3 people he trusted had recruited hydra scientists, including the guy who had tortured his best friend and that said friend had ‘died’ capturing.

2. He found out that his best friend who had been dead for him for 2 and a half years at most was still alive. And not only was he alive he didnt remember him or even his own name, and was now trying to kill them. It was not hard to figure out that hydra would have had to torture him a lot and who knows what else to get him to that point.

3. He found out that hydra was going to kill 20 million people, a few million at a time. And then he had to try to stop that while a lot of people including a lot of his former coworkers who turned out to be hydra, were trying to kill him and his team.

Clearly, a lot was going on.

We also have to remember just how much effort Zemo had to go through to find the evidence. And also how did Zemo know? Clearly he didnt have the evidence, but he had to be really sure. I doubt he would go through with such an elaborate plan on a suspicion alone. The most logical conclusion is that there was something in the info that Natasha leaked at the end of ca:tws. It couldnt have been clear evidence, but it had to be strong enough for Zemo to put so much trust into it.

I find it extremly unlikely that Steve and Natasha had any more evidence than the hint from Zola, and whatever was in the leaked info. The only evidence was in a hydra base in Siberia, and they would have to go there to find it. I really doubt that they wouldnt have mentioned it if they were there before, and I dont think they would just leave the evidence there if they had. And they couldnt ask Bucky. He might not have known because he didnt have all his memories yet. And they couldnt find him, and even if they did how could they know that the winter soldier was involved? Hydra had a lot of people including death squads. Their most elite one could take down an entire country in a night, and had more kills than even the winter soldier. And that was just their best one, meaning that there were more. There was also the ‘shield’ strike team, I find it unlikely that they didnt do some dirty work. And I am willing to bet on there being many more who killed for hydra throughout the decades.

So all they had was a hint, and that is not exactly evidence. And I wouldnt really tell anyone that I thought their parents were murdered without some evidence. I mean was Steve supposed to go to Tony and say:

‘Hey Tony. Turns out this old enemy of mine suggested that hydra killed your parents while stalling so that he could kill us. I dont know anything more than that and I dont have any evidence for it either though. Oh well, see you later.’

Would that actually be helpfull to Tony? Or would he become obsessed with finding out what happened? I know I wouldnt be able to rest untill I knew everything.

So yeah. I do know that I would need to be completly sure and have some actual evidence before telling people that someone killed their parents, and Steve and Natasha had neither.

#mcu #mcu meta #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #tony stark #bucky barnes #arnim zola #howard stark #maria stark #ca:tws #ca:cw

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swiss-cheeze · 4 years

Text

Cold Shoulder || Spencer Reid || SMUT

Requested: YES/NO - Reader and Spencer are in a secret relationship. They have kinky sex. Next day Spencer comes in with bruises and a slight limp and the team tease him about it and ask questions. They find out about Spencer and the reader who then punishes Spencer when they get home.

Gender: male, he/him, male/male relapgionship.

Warnings: dom/sub, degradation, male/male, gags, bondage/tied up, rules, mention of subdrop (Spencer doesn't go through it), overthinking, teasing (workplace and sexually), use of ‘sir’, ‘baby boy’, ‘baby’, ‘little boy’, ‘pet’.

———

“S-sir please!” Spencer had begged, though through his gag it sounded more like, “thir plth!”, but you knew what the poor boy was trying to say.

“Are you sorry baby?” you asked quietly into Spencer's ear, the bed dipped as you untied your boyfriends ankles before lifting his butt and thighs slightly to get into a prefered position, scooting closer to line yourself with Spencer's entrance. The poor boy nodded aggressively.

“I'm sorry!” Spencer had said, but again, through the poor gag it more sounded like “um sothy!” drool dribbled down Spencer's chin and if he wasn't in such a submissive headspace he would have probably asked you to wipe it off.

“For what my little boy?” you asked again, Spencer's hips wiggled against your tip but you forced his pelvis down with your hands so he couldn't move. This time you decided to give Spencer a little leeway and took off the gag, discarding it somewhere on the bed as Spencer licked his dry lips and finally swallowed properly, his throat scratchy and dry.

“For forgetting the rules,” Spencer took a breath as you slowly started thrusting your hips against Spencer's hole, your tip barely grazing his entrance, “I-I didn't shave down there recently, i forgot my place before-shit- before you when you entered the apartment, i spoke out of turn-”

“Enough!” Spencer was quick to shut his mouth, “I'm bored,” you said with an evil grin. Spencer immediately knew what you were going to do and tried his best to not tense any part of his body, instead relaxing as much as he could as he looked at you with passion and wanting. You slowly guided yourself to Spencer's hole, pushing in slowly until your tip was enclosed within Spencer, you hummed.

“Mm, even just the tip and you’re so tight baby, you gonna be good for me?” you questioned as your hips rocked back and forth softly, not going in nor out, “gonna be a good little boy for me hmm?” Spencer nodded.

“Yes sir, p-please,” Spencer whimpered softly.

“Are you going to be good next time?” you questioned again, slowly starting to inch you way further into Spencer.

“Promise sir!” Spencer exclaimed harshly as you pistoned your hips forward quickly, sheathing yourself inside Spencer instantly, the pair of your groaning provocatively at the feeling. Spencer was quick to tug at the restraints on his wrists and arms as you pounded into the poor boy, him whimpering sweetly under you.

“Oh you poor baby, you’re not gonna last are you?” you quizzed, your thrusts quickened as you started hitting that one spot in Spencer that made him go wild. His groans got louder soon turning into moans and obnoxious gasps.

“Please, please please please sir,” Spencer begged, your hips pistoned against Spencer, skin slapping skin was the sound that echoed the room as well as the co owned moans, groans, whimpers and whines coming from the pair of you.

“Come for me sweetheart, only you will come for me when I tell you to, got it?” you growled into Spencer's ear, your hand on the underside of Spencer's jaw.

“O-only you sir!” Spencer rasped, his throat raw from the past few hours as both his and your orgasms rocked your bodies, Spencer's legs quaked beneath you from his bent position as his cum spilled onto his stomach and chest, yours spilling into his occupied hole.

------

The next day Spencer waddled into the bullpen; a slight limp, a large scarf bundled around his neck as well as a long sleeved coat. Spencer winced every time his arms or shoulders moved (even simply moving a folder from one side of his desk to the other side), or when Morgan clapped him on the back, or J.J. nudged him at the kitchen bench, bending down to pick up the stupid little pink and blue paperclips that have fallen to the fucking-

“Spencer?” J.J. 's voice was suddenly next to Spencer, causing him to suddenly stand and wince from the fast action, “you’ve...you've been wincing all day, are you okay?” she was concerned.

“Yeah just uh, just a hard gym session is all,” Spencer tried to cover, his eyes flitting around J.J., of course the blonde took notice of this.

“Gym?” she questioned.

“Pretty boy you don't go to the gym,” Derek chastised suddenly joining the conversation with Emily at his side.

“I've never seen you go past the coffee shop up the road from here let alone a gym,” Emily chimed, Spencer groaned inwardly as he started to get crowded.

“Baby, you’re going to the gym?” you suddenly materialized out of thin air with a small evidence box likely packed with the things from your desk; you had finally gotten your own office and only just started moving in.

“Yep!” Spencer was quick to agree.

“You never told me,” you were quick to take out his lie, “how long?”

“Um, a little while?” Spencer seemed to question his own lie.

“A little while?” Derek echoed, then it seemed like everything clicked as Derek's eyes widened, “NO WAY!”

“What! What, what, what!” Emily and J.J asked quickly.

“Doctor Genius here is having a little too much fun with the other genius!” Derek looked at you as Spencer went red. You shrugged.

“What of it?” Spencer didn't expect that to be your answer, then again, they also didn't actually, really know what happened behind closed curtains.

“Damn okay! I didn't know you two where that kink-”

“Derek come on” Emily chastised this time, she nudged the poor man away from the group as J.J. gave the two of you a knowing look and walked away as well. Spencer was still red as he sat back down at his desk, wincing of course, before you lent down and whispered in his ear.

“They don't know how much of a good little slut you are for me do they?,” you paused as you bit the shell of Spencer's ear, “I don't think they ever will,” as you walked away Spencer had decided then and there that he was not going to be your ‘good little slut’ as he concocted a plan.

Spencer calculated the exact time to turn around, the exact velocity and the exact angle in order to spill his just made, lukewarm, coffee on you. Knowing you hadn't repacked your newest go-bag, meaning you’d have to ask for one of Spencers shirts for the rest of the day.

“I’m so sorry!” Spencer exclaimed, the coffee was going straight through your shirt and showed off your chest, the poor boy almost forgot his plans entirely when he saw the dagger necklace you wore under your shirt.

“It's!” you huffed as you held the shirt between two fingers and away from your skin, “it's fine Spence really, i just need a new shirt is all,” you huffed again at the realisation you didn't have your go-bag repacked.

“You can use one of mine,” Spencer had said seemingly reading your mind, you nodded, Spencer walked to his desk to get the clothing as you stalked off to the bathrooms in order to get changed.

For the next hour Spencer started the second part of his plan; constantly annoying you while you try to work on paper profiles and student FBI work. He continuously brushed your shoulders every time he walked past your desk, always seemed to be breaking his pencils or loosing his pens, he seemed even more clumsier than usual, he ate over your shoulder resulting in sugar crumbs from his donut to fall onto your paper, constantly tried to recommend other words to use on your papers or claiming that what you were writing didn't actually happen (it did happen and you both knew he knew that).

That went on for three hours, by the second hour it really started getting to you to the point you almost snapped at Spencer in the worst way possible. Spencer had just recommended a new word for your paper when you almost broke.

“Spencer Reid, you know your rul-!” you cut yourself off before you could say ‘rules’, your face was flushed red from anger as Spencer tried not to grin and you instead settled for a glare as the team around you gave confused glances.

“I didn't hear you (Y/n) what’d you say?” Spencer asked innocently as he came closer to you due to ‘the room being too loud to hear you from over here (Y/n)’. You almost bent Spencer over your desk in that moment as everyone started going back to their own work and you whispered into Spencer's ear.

“If i had my office by now you would be stuffed under my desk with my cock so far in your mouth you wouldn't be able to talk while i talked to anyone who came in and did my paperwork,” you took a breath as you saw Spencer visibly gulp, “then i would have you kneeling on the ground, naked and gagged with your hands tied behind you and your calves tied to your thighs so you couldnt move so that anyone who walked into the room could see how fucking desperate you are with your stupid fucking little hard on,” Spencer whimpered softly at the image, “either that or I’d have you spread out with that little hole on display for everyone to see with ‘dont fucking touch’ in marker across your thigh with an arrow pointing to what is rightfully mine,” for a final blow you added, “learn to stay in your fucking place,” before walking away to the file room, leaving Spencer with a very prominent hard on.

For the rest of the day Spencer and you ignored each other, leaving a thick and heavy tension in the air whenever the two of you passed each other or walked in the same room. Your face was stone cold as you worked whereas Spencer was more anxious.

“Alright what is up with you two?” Emily asked as she walked past your desk.

“What?” you asked with fake concern.

“You and Spencer,” Emily gave you a little hint.

“Oh, nothing, just trying to get my work done is all,” and then you turned back to your work leaving Emily in the cold as she looked to Spencer (whose desk was in front of yours) and shrugged before walking off. Spencer knew exactly why you were ignoring him and it honestly scared him, maybe he had gone too far? Fuck where you going to leave him without anything tonight? He hadn't done anything like this before, he always stuck to the rules and almost never disobeyed them besides last night-

“Bye guys!” J.J. called out as she left. Spencer looked at the clock and sure enough he had been thinking of you for the past hour as his co-workers walked past him Spencer made sure to keep his eyes trained on you.

“Um, (Y/n)-”

“Go home, I have to finish some other files,” was your response. Spencer knew better than to try and talk over you or backtalk you even if he was in the workplace. He nodded stiffly as he started packing away his things and turning off his desktop before walking around to your desk and hesitantly leaving a dainty kiss on your cheek.

“I’m s-”

“I'll text you,”

“I love you,” Spencer seemed defeated when he said this, he had never acted this way and of course you never acted the way you are now, of course it’s different for the both of you but Spencer was starting to think maybe it wasn't such a good idea, maybe you didn't love him anymore, maybe he’s gone too fa-

“Baby,” your voice called Spencer from his thoughts as he realised you've been trying to ground him for the past thirty seconds. Your hands held Spencers as you looked into his eyes seeing every emotion welling within him, “I love you too sweetheart,” your smile was as sweet as your words, reassuring, “if you go into sub drop then you tell me okay?” Spencer nodded softly but you tugged on his hands to refocus the poor boy.

“I promise,” you nodded.

“I'll text you my pet,” your hand came up to caress Spencer's cheek, your boyfriend leaning into the touch, “now go,”. Spencer got the text when he stepped onto the train to head home, reading it made him flush red while trying to use his satchel to cover his bulge.

Sir <3, 7:23PM.

I want you naked and bent over the bench blindfolded.

Fuuuccckkkkk, he was definitely in for it tonight.

-------

The sight that laid before you was immaculate and like no other you had seen before; Spencer Reid, your Spencer Reid, was bent over the black velvet bench right in front of your shared bed, blindfolded, which was probably the best part. With the way Spencer positioned himself he was facing away from you and wouldn't be able to see you unless he took off the blindfold, but of course, being the good boy Spencer was he had (somehow) handcuffed himself to the ends of the bench and was spread like a starfish aside from his legs. This also got him off on humiliation. A whimper escaped the poor boy as your fingers dragged against Spencer's bare cheeks.

“Wow, you really are such a good boy aren't you?” you questioned softly, you could feel Spencer shiver under your fingers as you spread his cheeks slightly and tutted, “weeping for this aren't you darling?”

“I-”

SMACK.

“ONE!” Spencer was quick to exclaim; he knew to count how many you would be giving him without you asking.

“I've trained you well pet haven't i?,” it was rhetorical as your psalm grazed over Spencer's burning cheek, he nodded in response.

“Your good boy,” Spencer whispered.

“No.” you chuckled as you kept dragging your nails over Spencer's back and cheeks, “no you aren't a good boy,”

“What? But i-” Spencer was quick to shut his mouth with a hiss as you scratched his back, leaving harsh red lines in your wake.

“At approximately 10 am this morning you spilt coffee on me, forcing me to wear one of your shirts with the knowledge my go-back wasn't repacked”

SMACK

“For the next three hours you proceeded to be a naughty little boy by constantly chewing over my shoulder,”

SMACK

“Dropping crumbs onto my papers and my lap,”

SMACK

“Brushing my shoulder whenever we walked past one another,”

SMACK

“Constantly gave me new words and phrases for my papers even when you knew my paper was up to better standards than others,”

SMACK

“You constantly dropped pens in front of me and broke pencils just to ask me for another one,”

SMACK

“You have been all over me today, antagonizing me, annoying me…” you trailed off at the end of your sentence as you soothed the red markings on Spencer's cheeks.

“I-i’m sorry” Spencer mumbled, you chose to ignore it.

“So thick and heavy for me already baby boy,” you whispered behind Spencer as you cupped his dick, giving it a few strokes before walking away from him. Spencer whimpered at the loss of touch before picking back up into a whine as you placed something around the base of his cock. It was the purple vibrating cockring you bought Spencer eight months ago.

“FUCK!” Spencer exclaimed as quick thrumming virbarations sent their way through the base of Spencer's dick all the way to the tip of his tongue.

SMACK

“You gonna be a good boy for once and count for me slut?” you rhetorically asked, rubbing a palm over Spencer's reddened cheeks. He nodded.

SMACK

“Fucking answer me,” you gripped the pack of Spencers neck and caused him to bend backwards awkwardly, shoulders and joints popping as they ached from the angle.

“I’ll count sir” Spencer said breathlessly, you forced Spencer's head back down to its original position before you continued the punishment.

SMACK

“One!”

SMACK

“Two!”

SMACK

“TH-THREE!”

SMACK

“Four!”

And more, and more and more.

“TWENTY!”

By this time Spencer was panting as his cheeks were painted a deep red and-

“Did you just fucking cum?” you questioned as Spencer shook on the bench, drool dripping from his chin and onto the bed below him. He whimpered.

“Y-yes sir” Spencer whimpered as his thighs shook, as you looked down at the blankets in front of Spencer there, sure enough, was his load. The poor boy whimpered from the overstimulation as the cockring continued to thrum agaisnt the base of his cock.

“I should've known you'd come from a simple punishment like this,” you shook your head in disbelief, that was when you started unbuckling Spencer's handcuffs.

“S-sir?” Spencer didn't dare move after you finished unbuckling his restraints.

“Clean up your mess brat, use your tongue and mouth to find your fucking mess and clean it up.” you grinned as you watched Spencer struggle from his bent over position (his bones and muscles aching to be massaged and moved but refusing due to you standing behind him) before finally mouthing around on the quilt before finally finding his own taste, quickly lapping up everything he could, sucking the blanket into his mouth and teething at what started to stain into the blanket, while Spencer was preoccupied you quickly undressed as quietly as you could. When you were satisfied with the clean up you led Spencer to lay on his back on the soft mattress before taking off his blindfold and chucking it someplace in the room, Spencers eyes fluttered for a moment to get used to the sudden new burst of light before looking down and bulging upon seeing you naked.

“Have you learnt your lesson baby boy?” you questioned as you stuck a few fingers into your mouth, wetting them, before ghosting them over Spencers hole.

“Y-yes sir! I have sir! I promise sir!” Spencer quickly obeyed, shouting out your title in hopes to gain what he really wanted as his hips thrust up against your fingers.

“Promising something you can't keep huh?” you whispered before sticking two wet fingers into Spencer's hole, letting the boy feel the burn and the stretch, relishing in the slight choke he gave, eyes rolling into the back of his head as he pushed himself into the pillows for some sort of comfort.

“God sir please, please fuck me already. I'll be your good boy, i al-always will be i promise,” Spencer started to beg as you scissored your fingers in and out, “i'll always obey and i won't do what-what i did today, I-I’ll keep up with my schedule a-and shave, and I-i’ll be your good boy i promise,” the end of Spencers sentence was needy, whiny and oh so delicious. You slipped your fingers out of Spencer before lining yourself up, the poor boy looked down to watch.

“You sound so fucking good when you beg baby boy,” was all you said before you pushed into Spencer, the pair of you whined upon the intrusion before your hips became flush against Spencers ass. You grinned as you felt the vibrations of the cockring on your stomach.

“P-please take it o-off sir,” Spencer whimpered softly, “s-so close already” you kissed down Spencers neck, leaving love bites and purple bruises in your wake before finally giving into Spencers ask and taking the ring off, pushing a button and throwing it across the room somewhere amongst the clothing and blindfold. You kissed Spencer lovingly before starting to thrust shallowly, immediately Spencer keened as your thrusts sped up, wanting to reach your end and his own. It only took a few moments before your orgasms overtook you, shaking the pair of you to the core as Spencer spasmed onto yours and his chest as your cum spilled into his occupied hole. You both stayed like that for what felt like hours, breathing heavily into each other's ears before you started kissing down the side of Spencer's neck, the boy hummed in appreciation as your hands glided over Spencer's body, gripping and massaging whatever it touched to spread relaxation.

“You did so good baby,” you whispered into Spencer's neck, the boy whined in response as you continued kissing down his torso before finally unsheathing yourself from Spencer and moving towards the adjoined bathroom. You let a cloth become warm under the water before moving back to Spencer and cleaning up the mess you both made, “so proud of you baby, you took everything so well,” you kissed up from Spencers calves to his thighs, hips, stomach, torso, collarbone, neck and then peppering constant kisses on the apples of Spencers cheeks, across his nose, forehead and chin causing the worn out boy to laugh with the little strength he had left. You put the cloth on the bedside table before turning back to Spencer and cuddling him close to your chest, “you okay sweetness?”.

“Very,” Spencer gasped out, throat raspy from his moans, “I'm sorry for today…” Spencer whispered softly as he tried to cuddle closer into you, a sign of insecurity.

“It's okay baby, was it anything I did?” you questioned quickly, hoping you hadn't hurt Spencer in a way he didn't like.

“No, not you,” he paused, “i think i just wanted this,” Spencer looked up at you as you smiled down at him, “i just didn't like the cold shoulder we gave each other is all…” you nodded as you started bringing the blankets onto your bodies, shielding yourself from the cold night.

“Did you want to promise never to cold shoulder each other again?” you asked, Spencer nodded as he held up his pinky finger, you smiled and linked it with yours before ducking down and giving Spencer a reassuring kiss.

“I love you bubby,”

“I love you too sweetheart,”

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autistic-lalli · 3 years

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I dont know how to properly frame my question, but autistic!lalli has always been a headcanon I readily claimed as canon in my heart because it MAKES PERFECT SENSE in my brain. But besides me, what I'd like to ask is what traits/habits/behaviors Lalli has that immediately clicked to you that he was autistic? Or showed that he was? Like, gush to me about them

(this is mainly so I can get better at writing him and also because I'm curious to know! Actually, SLAP me with EVERYTHING about Lalli, if you can 😂 I'd love to actually know everything)

This topic was also requested by @the-story-isnt-over-yet ! This post is for both y’all :)

I’m going to try to keep this organized, but we’ll see how successful I am. First up, I’ll talk through Lalli’s general traits, then the traits I picked out quickly and resonated with, and then I’ll touch on a couple other things that stand out to me!

Sensory Experience

Lalli repeatedly displays sensory-avoiding and sensory-seeking behaviors. He likes soft textures and sweets—he picks himself up a big ol’ fluffy cloak in Adventure 2, and his mind conjures him a nice and soft one in his dreamspace, and we all know how he feels about pastries. He’s always willing to eat sweets and breads, which suggests that Lalli has samefoods as well (samefoods are like a comfort food, but taken up to eleven; foods that always sound good, sometimes to the point that they’re the only thing an autistic person can eat.) It’s just a single line, but where Lalli tells Emil that he hates blueberries, it makes me think of a very specific picture (I’ll link it later if I can find it.) Blueberries, and other fruit, don’t taste the same every time! Some are sweet, some are sour, some are mushy, some are grainy, and some are juicy. When you don’t know what to expect from a food, this makes it hard to want to eat it, even if some aspect of the flavor is good.

But I digress! One thing that I resonated with right away with Lalli is that he clearly has sensitive proprioceptive awareness. That just means the sense of where your body is in space. When Lalli sleeps or hides under a bunk or table, he’s reducing his sensory input. Being in a small space is comforting because there’s less space to be aware of.

Lalli is also sensitive to touch, which is a fairly easy trait to spot. He doesn’t like the friendly punches the crew delivers, and even balks at Emil’s touch when he’s upset. There are exceptions, but those exceptions come at times when Lalli is calm and expecting the touch to occur.

And sound! Lalli doesn’t like loud sounds, in particular loud people (sorry, Sigrun.) This is a great place to talk about Lalli’s shutdowns. We don’t see Lalli experience meltdowns, but he does have a shutdown a couple times. Shutdowns are a response to stress and sensory overload. It looks different for everyone, and since it’s internal, it’s hard to tell how exactly Lalli’s shutdowns run. However, we see him cover his ears to block out sound and hum (“mrr!”) in order to calm himself down. He’s just trying to regulate his sensory experience. His humming is also an example of vocal stimming.

Social Difficulties

Lalli definitely has social difficulties, but it can be hard to tell which difficulties are due to the language barrier and which are due to his brain chemistry. But! Paying attention to the first part of the story, when he’s with all Finnish-speakers, as well as the dream sequences can really help us hone in on those traits.

Lalli, in general, doesn’t understand other people beyond what they say. He doesn’t understand body language or sarcasm—he doesn’t get why everyone’s punching him, he doesn’t know when Tuuri’s joking and when she’s serious, and he stares at Emil because he’s curious about him and doesn’t realize it’s impolite. He doesn’t notice when Emil is rude and doesn’t understand social scripts like saying “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” When he wants to express approval or comfort, he gives a soft pat to the other person. More touch than that might be too much for him, but he does want to express something, and pats are an excellent tool in that way.

Lalli’s inability and/or refusal to learn or use the crew member’s names also gives us insight to how Lalli faces social conundrums. To him, everyone else is more distinguishable by the epithets he gives them—their names don’t mean anything. It’s like naming someone “flower delivery guy” in your phone contacts instead of “Greg.”

Lalli also isn’t easily frightened. The only times we see him be really afraid is when someone he loves is in immediate mortal danger. The everyday stuff like trolls and omens don’t scare him, which is certainly in part just because he’s used to these things. Trolls and spirits are an everyday part of his life. But an unusual lack of fear is a common autistic experience as well, so I suspect it goes beyond Lalli’s accustomation.

Other Traits

A couple other things that didn’t fit into either of the former categories! First of all, the rubik's cube. That’s just autistic solidarity. Emil picked up a stim toy for his bf, we love to see it.

But also, Lalli relies a lot on his routine. That’s probably why the military, and scouting in particular, suited him. He has his own personal routine that is the same day in and day out. He tries to keep a routine on the expedition, but isn’t able to, which increases the amount of stress he’s under. Nothing is predictable, which automatically makes everything more stressful.

Relationships

I also think the dynamics of Lalli’s different relationships are super interesting and really highlight some things that aren’t often covered in media with autistic characters. It’s super heartbreaking the way Onni and Tuuri don’t seem to understand Lalli. Tuuri especially doesn’t understand why Lalli does the things he does, and doesn’t seem to make any effort to understand, which is sadly a common experience for many autistic people.

On the other hand, Emil’s reactions are the complete opposite. As I put it to a friend once, Emil often makes mistakes with Lalli, but he never crosses the same boundary twice. He lets Lalli have agency in their relationship. If Lalli has a boundary that inconveniences Emil, he doesn’t complain about it, he simply adapts. Lalli has very specific needs in his relationships, needs that are both unusual and difficult for him to communicate, so it’s far easier for him to just default to being a loner.

Me & Lalli

On a personal level, I have a whole lot of these traits. I stim with soft things, I’m sensitive to sound, I tend to be hypersensitive with my proprioceptive sense, I had to intentionally teach myself to read body language (I work as a theatre artist, which helped a lot,) I’m not easily frightened, I’m sensitive to touch and sound, and I certainly struggle socially. Furthermore, I actually had an untreated sleep disorder until about a year and a half ago, so I deeply resonated with Lalli’s chronic exhaustion.

Truth be told, I headcanoned Lalli as autistic from his introductory card, and I knew he was autistic within ten pages. Chronically exhausted and doesn’t know what’s going on? Mine now.

The Autism Metaphor

I talk about this some in my autism and superpowers post, but I really love that Lalli is both autistic and is living an autistic metaphor. It’s not uncommon for characters who can see or sense other things (ghosts, spirits, emotions, danger, etc.) to read as autistic, because that’s what autism often feels like. Our sensory experience is so distinct and we are so aware of it that it can feel like a superpower at times--in a good way and in a bad way. We’re living in a sensory world that a lot of neurotypical people don’t understand. Furthermore, these kinds of powers or sensitivities usually come with an isolating social impact in these stories, which only strengthens the metaphor for autism.

But Lalli has both actual autism and is a mage. He sees spirits and omens and can sense when trolls are near, and also is sensitive to sounds and doesn’t like to be touched. These things aren’t related to one another, but they all read as being in the same category, which both deepens the metaphor and makes him really interesting as an autistic character.

This is also why Onni readily reads as autistic as well. We don’t have as much direct evidence for him, and in many ways his trauma seems to run much deeper than it does in Lalli and Tuuri, so it’s hard to separate out what’s a trauma response and what’s an autistic response. Overall, I’m quite a fan of “no Hatakoinen is neurotypical,” but that’s a post for another day ;)

I’ll also be posting a panel or two of an instance where Lalli is displaying an autistic trait each day for the month of April!

#stand still stay silent #sssscomic #lalli hotakainen #autismacceptancemonth2021 #meta #actually autistic #long post

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cloudslou · 2 years

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hi i really like reading about your thesis bc i'm also working on mine rn and i'm! so! lost! i wanna know if you have like a plan for writing yours? i'm also a humanities student so basically i just have to read a lot djkjf but i find it so hard to 😔 if your source is a book or a dissertation do you read it more than once? if you don't how do you choose your citations and stuff like that? do your write a summary for everything you read? i feel like i should but just reading has been really hard for me lately and i recently got a very demanding job so </3 yeah idk fkjdf also i'm sorry for this long ass message 😩

hi anon!!!

a) OMG good luck on your thesis!!!!!! wishing u all the best <333 lets get a support group going

b) reading so much IS hard, but i try to only read what i need. i dont write summaries for everything i read, though early on in the process my advisor did have me list all my sources and justify why i had them/their importance, but i've since gained more sources and havent done that on my own. you can mostly get the benefits of this just by thinking to yourself "how does this source help me? what will i need from it? am i likely to actually reference it in my thesis?"

c) if a source i have is really long (i.e. full book or someone's 300 page dissertation), i dont typically read the whole thing, but rather identify chapters or sections that i need and read those. for instance, one of my sources is Mothers of Invention: Women of the Slaveholding South in the American Civil War. my pdf is 343 pages, which is a lot to read if i'm only going to end up using a couple paragraphs. instead, i focused on chapter 7 specifically since that is what suits my needs. this chapter, at just over 20 pages, is a lot more manageable to read not only once but multiple times if i need to.

d) you dont have to become an expert on every book/article/etc you use as a source. i read things pretty fast and highlight what looks like something i'll need to refer back to, reading around it if i need context when i DO go back. but the highlight tool is my bestie cus i can scroll fast know when to stop on smth past me thought was important.

e) i dont know your thesis paper or what you study, but for history i am very much constructing a story around my evidence, so when i write something and need sources, i dont deep-drive into my sources, but rather just command+f to search for key words that i need (for example, the book i just posted abt in my tags. google books shows me about a 3 line preview of the pages i need based on my search of key terms, but those 3 lines are enough for me to justify writing a sentence in my thesis, and so then that book is now one of my sources).

f) i don't really have a "plan" for writing mine, but every week i meet with my advisor and i set goals for the next time i see her. over spring break, my goal was to get 2/4 analysis sections done (the sections where i am making my Own Original Historical Claims), and i did that! now my goal is to outline the following two sections and get this draft to her by tonight.

my advice is to list out your sections very clearly (even if you know what they are in theory, or you have to delete them when you are done). think about what your priority is (for me, its Making My Historical Claims) and focus on those. other things, like background info, introduction, etc are much easier to push though and the quality of those matters less.

also, focus on getting the words out rather than getting Good words out. think "what do i actually mean?" and try writing that, rather than thinking "here is my thought, how should i best put it into academic language". this might give you clunky sentences, things that dont sound good or need to be reworked, ideas that dont go together well or fully make sense yet, etc, but it gives you more to work with. and once you have the "bones" down, you can work on refining it.

pls dont read every source in its entirety. for history, i mostly need to read the introduction + conclusion, and then skimming inbetween (that is, if i dont just skip to what is relevant to me). i dont know what your discipline is like, so craft these rules to suit your thesis work.

#ask #anon #SORRY THIS WAS A LOT #but i hope even 1 word of it helps <3333

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twink-frank · 3 years

Text

hi i’ve noticed the pencey prep gay conversation going on over on @awsugar and i have spent lots of time dissecting pencey prep lyrics and subjecting nathan @faggot-frank to my deranged ramblings so Here is my pencey prep super ultra mega gay lyrical analysis masterpost. it’s very long so its all under the cut but i will include a TL;DR for those who dont wanna read paragraphs of my deranged ramblings: Pencey prep uses lots of themes of: heartbreak, forbidden love, keeping love a secret, and toxic relationships. which none of that is gay on its own but combined with them almost never using gender indicators in their songs and the “nail in the coffin song” of 8th grade it ends up being a very Fruity Album.

I will be going through heart break in stereo in order and pointing out which lyrics and elements of certain songs jump out to me as Super Mega Gay and then summarizing my conclusions at the end <3

1 ) PS Don't Write

PS don't write is about leaving a toxic relationship, it has notes of moving on and leaving someone behind. "packed up all my shit / stole back all my tapes / left your spare key under the mat / this is not a joke / you'd better learn to take a hint / 'cause i'm not coming back / maybe you'll understand / when you're waking up alone / in a cold and empty bed." it has no gender indicators or pronouns which is the case in a lot of pencey prep songs, and something i'll bring up quite a bit. it also has general "coming of age" themes, something common in lots of pencey prep songs. which Yeah apply to straight people to but read in this context combined with future evidence can be pretty Fuckin Gay. "somewhere along the line / i found a hidden strength / i didn't know i had / standing on my own / cutting all the strings / that you used to control / surprise surprise / i am long gone / if you thought you could hold me down / by holding me up / you were wrong / you don't call the shots anymore." not to say only gay people can find inner strength and the room to love themselves but combined with other context it is a really poignant message about accepting yourself for who you are.

2) Yesterday

Yesterday is very repetitive and has a lot less to analyze, but the constant themes of wanting to "run away" strike me as very Fruity. once again, not saying gay people are the only people who can want to run away or escape from something But Combined With Other Context. and once again a song with no gender indicators, doesnt specify who the speaker is running away with or what they are running away from. just that they want to Leave. "i wanna run with you / i don't care what we do / gotta get out of this place / because it feels like yesterday." also saying "it feels like yesterday" could mean that the town feels backwards or old timey in its beliefs, implying homophobia. how the speaker wants to run away from an old fashioned town.

3) Don Quixote

i'm going to bring up the cultural significance of this title and literary reference first. Don Quixote is a classical novel by Cervantes which is about a crazy dude who thinks he's a knight, and goes on weird adventures with his best friend. It's typically used as a symbol of following your dreams and breaking free from what people expect of you. In the context of the song its used as a symbol of following your dreams with Someone. once again this someone is given no gender indicators. "you say it's not worth it / been burned too many times / if your spine's receding / you can borrow some of mine / don't go and quit right now / cause i'd follow you through hell." "you say so many things / and not a word of it was true / if you're still in that state of mind / i'd still vacation inside of you / cause i think you're worth every minute / and every dime that i spend / i'd spend all my time fighting dragons / just to keep you alive and talking." it's about wanting to spend time with someone, wanting to be with them no matter what. and its also about how this person feels unreachable, like being with them would be a fairytail but the speaker Still Reaches for it. "your imaginations running wild / round your deceptive heart / this is my crusade / and you're the unreachable star / but i'm reaching." talking about this person being unreachable and unattainble. which isnt gay By Itself but again combined with the other context. FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

4) 10 Rings

another breakup song once again with no gender indicators, are you guys sensing a theme here? anyways this song is about someone cutting you off and then coming back suddenly wanting to talk again after breaking your heart. it has a sense of forbidden love, like this person Told the speaker they cant be together for Whatever Reason ;] and is now trying to come back and repair their mistake when the speaker is already hurt and reeling. "learn to live with decisions you make / i learned things from the break i can't forget / catch you doing drive-bys at 1 AM / it must kill you to know we can't be friends." "end of the summer you cut me off / i cut you out all the pictures i have." which this Isnt Gay By Itself. but bringing that phrase back with other context this is such a uniquely gay experience. being in love with someone and they cut you off Because theyre weirded out by that and then they try to come back, convince you it meant nothing.

5) The Secret Goldfish

my FAVORITE pencey song. this one has a lot. it's another breakup song about heartbreak and loss and im not even gonna dwell on the no gender indicators because yall see the theme now. it has themes of heartbreak and losing someone who is very close to you and having to let go of them and having to accept that this person cant be yours and you cant be with them. "land of the lost / i found myself in nothing / this time, promises broken find me / clutching to you for something / something that you're not / believing in what you say / it makes me lie awake at night / the truth, the truth is not what scares me / it's why you have to lie / all the time." here we see these themes of having to let someone go because they just Aren't The Same as you. "clutching to you for something / something that you're not." maybe like chasing after a straight boy and getting rejected? also the repetition of "heartbreak is forever" when you're young and gay losing that first person you felt some kind of love and attraction to can feel like the end of the world and can be a huge deal because of the lack of representation and guidance young gays get. and the themes of nothing lasting forever, the fact that gay people never get promised eternal love the same way straight people do.

6) 8th Grade

this song is the nail in penceys fucking coffin honestly. the rest of these songs have a lot of plausible deniability, just vague enough to maybe Not Be Gay. but framed in the context of 8th grade they all start to get a lil fruity. Im just gonna go through lyric by lyric for this one. "caught staring again / like a deer in the headlights / when you can't move fast enough / i take a hit for the team / pretty girl is blushing / i can't tell if she's disgusted / laughter starts to swell / someone gets the joke." this kid was staring at some cute boy ass and got caught and everyone is laughing at him for being gay. the "pretty girl" here is what most people think he's staring at but with the rest of the song it's obvious she's not the one he's looking at. "bells ring, i make my escape / helps a little, but doesn't save / beat downs a common thing / with us every day / maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools / so maybe i like the abuse / or maybe i just like you." literally This is the nail in penceys fucking coffin. "maybe i like the abuse or maybe i just like you." this kid purposefully takes beatings from his bully who is Obviously male if you take into context the next verse. because he Likes Him. "maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools" literally willingly taking beatings from his bully bc he has a crush. "another confrontation / you've got something to prove / your girl can't tell how tough you are / when you beat me up in the boys room." this just confirms that the subject of the song is a boy, and a tough macho boy with something to prove. maybe also hiding his own internalized homophobia through bullying? "well i made a big mistake / but i can't help who i like / this may not cost my life / but i am branded forever lame." LITERALLY ITS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. "can't help who i like" "branded forever lame" do i even need to fucking explain this oh my god. he got outed as gay, he Can't Help Who He Likes and is now branded forever as "the gay kid." the rest of the song is general "im gonna get back at my bully" stuff but literally THIS. THIS is the song that brands all penceys other very vague songs as 100% verified super mega ultra gay.

7) 19

this song has a lot less, and is more about internal struggle than anything. but it is the only song with a "she" pronoun in it. but there is one thing i wanna mention. "I scream out loud / but no one hears a sound / i take my life with lack of sleep / i believe the things i feel / the things i see are fooling only me." this song is about not believing what the world shows you, believing what you think is true in your heart and what You feel. not what anyone else tells you. which is a gay experience. believing in yourself and your heart and your feelings, believing theyre right and theyre true and valid. Also this song has a significance in coming right after 8th grade on the album, going from being 13 to 19, from being unsure in your feelings and angry about the people who dont like you to lost and hopeless but somewhat grounded in yourself.

8) Trying To Escape The Inevitable

this song is about an abusive and toxic relationship, knowing you Need to escape it but being so infatuated with the person you literally cant. “i have this reoccurring dream / you make it hard for me to breathe / i gave you everything i could / i gave up everything i owned / and when you smile it’s not for me / you offer little sympathy / your grasp so far exceeds your reach / i wake up, this is not a dream.” “i have this reoccuring dream / where you admit that you’re not happy / i know that you will never leave / you’re here just to torment me.” which like again this isnt an exclusively gay experience but it is very interesting when framed that way. in that gay people are way more likely to throw themselves into abusive and toxic relationships because they dont feel like they can get anybody else. the repetition of “i know i should run” makes it seem like the speaker Knows he should get out but he just Cant because what if he never finds love again? and the little reprise in the middle “i have a new dream / and everything is perfect / the sky is pink, yellow, green, blue, and orange / and all the past has been forgotten / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and i fell into your trap.” implying that even if he escapes, even in his dreams he still falls for this person because he feels like he cant have anything else.

9) Lloyd Dobbler

another love song about wanting to have someone but not being able to because of Unspecified Forbidden Reasons. “why are you so far away / even when you’re standing next to me? / your eyes give you away / telling secrets your mouht don’t feel like talking.” falling in love with someone, maybe sensing that they like you too. that they Are Like You and that they have a Secret they dont want to vocalize. do i even need to explain it at this point? and in the chorus “That I’ll be your lloyd dobbler / with a boom box out in the street / and i’ll be there if you need someone / even if he isn’t me.” saying you’ll be there for someone even if that person isn’t you, also the use of Pronouns which is big for pencey prep. which yes the use of “even if he isnt me” could imply a straight girl ooorrr....Fruit Behavior. also this line “There’s a norman rockewll painting / of two kids sitting on a bench / it reminds me of all the stupid things / i’d like for us to share, but i dont care.” normal rockwell is a painter that paints traditionally “american” scenes. like the american ideal, that maybe he wants with this person. but he knows he cant have, but its stupid and domestic and he wants it but he Cant Have It because of FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

10) Florida Plates

another of my favorite pencey songs, and this one brings back those tragic “love but we cant have it” themes, except with a more somber tone. instead of being angry or resentful or spiteful in the face of adversity. its an Acceptance, of what they had and how good it was and how it just Cant Last. “kiss a mouth to open eyes / stall one last moment before goodbye / drive in different cars in different directions / never write all the letters full of good words, better intentions / it’s for the best although we don’t know it / paper words will cheapen the moments we shared / it’s better if i say nothing at all.” it’s about knowing you have to leave someone, even if having them in the moment is great they Can’t Stay and you can’t even talk or write about the moments you had. which do i even need to explain it at this point? forbidden love, not being able to have each other, not even being able to Talk about it. its a secret, and painful one but its beautiful while you have it. Conclusion alright!!! thank you so so much if you read all the way through that i Know it was long i Know it was a lot of repetition but i wanted to make my point. pencey prep has very big gay themes in their music. with forbidden love, letting go, heartbreak, keeping secrets, toxic realtionships. which none of it is gay on its own but in the context of: almost none of the songs having clear gender indicators and always speaking really vaguely about the subject and Eight Grade the “nail in the coffin song” you can see my point thank you and goodnight.

#adrian speaks #mcr #pencey prep #frank iero

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

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So, how far do you think Jasons booktastes goes? Is he like a hard-core classic fan or does it variate between his moods?

Absolutely the latter, IMO. I know there’s a tendency to lean hard into the idea that Jason’s just all about the classics, but I think overall we have a rather finite and white European and American skewed 'definition’ of what constitutes a classic in the first place, and you know me and my classist rantings.....unless you don’t but whatever, now you do, I’m personally leery of over-emphasizing Jason’s sophisticated reading palette or whatever as like, some kind of pushback against his otherwise lower-class origin because I don’t think its necessary. I mean who knows if that’s how its intended in any given specific situation, but I definitely feel like there’s a general undercurrent of that threaded through a lot of Jason’s depictions overall that I’m like ‘no thanks’ to.

I think Jason’s all over the place as a reader. His only defining characteristic as a reader IMO is that he’s a voracious one, and he reads anything and everything he can get his hands on, and finds something appealing and in new and different ways in every genre. I think as his skills develop as Robin and a detective, he hungrily reads mystery novels to see how quickly he can figure out who did it. I think he reads true crime to try and solve it ahead of the book’s conclusions the same way we’ve seen Dick solve cases watching America’s Most Wanted.

I think before traveling was an option for Jason, living with Bruce, he enjoyed travel guides/pieces and nonfiction, to get a sense of places far away from Gotham. I think once he was living with Bruce and encountering colleagues of his dad’s who were literally from other planets and had advanced technology and magic, he had a growing personal collection of fantasy and sci-fi books just so when he did get a chance to join Bruce when he was around other heroes he could be like “okay I read in this one book where they did this spell are there any real spells like that huh huh?” or “so in this one series they had a spaceship that could do this do you know of any spaceships that are like that like could that be real?” I think he loves mythology because a) he’s gay duh and b) Diana is an actual Amazon, like why wouldn’t you love mythology when you could fact-check Edith Hamilton against an actual Amazon it just makes sense.

I think he’s got shelves full of old-school dimestore pulp fiction novels, the long-running series kinds, because he doesn’t think cheap equals bad and also they’re just fun. And also also, he loves the serialized nature of a lot of works because one of the biggest evidences of stability in his young life, before ADITF, like, one of the things that finally got him thinking like wow this is like how I live now huh, was the realization that when before, the unpredictable nature of his life meant he kinda just had to read things in one go and not count on ever being able to follow up on them, like......when living with Bruce, he suddenly just realized one day that like, all those series that have so many more books in them than I could ever read in one go, the kind of things you’re meant to RETURN to, to follow along over periods of months and years.....I can do that now, here.

And even after his return as the Red Hood, once he slowly started settling into his new life and put his focus not just towards reacting to his trauma but trying to build beyond that again and have actual hobbies, interests, etc.....one of the biggest evidences to him that he could do that, be more than JUST the Red Hood, was literally no different from when he first had that epiphany living with Bruce. When he looked into all those series that he perhaps never got to finish, or that were still ongoing when he was killed, and found an unexpected continuity in the reminder and awareness that they were still out there, waiting for him to finish them, that they were still being published, available for him to catch up......that his life had ended, but then he came back so maybe it was more just interrupted. That so many things are different now from how they were before, but some things are still the same, that he’s so different now but in some ways he IS still the same.

Like yeah, sure, I do think he’s got plenty of Jane Austen on his shelves, but he’s also got Octavia Butler and Ursula K. LeGuin and Mary Shelley not once but twice....nah let’s go wild and make it five times....cuz I think he’s got very specific SYSTEMS for how his books are arranged, one of those particular things that arose from the awareness that he actually COULD be particular about his books, that it was entirely up to him......and once he found out that Frankenstein’s Monster existed he was like okay but is the book based on that or was that based on the book, did art imitate life or did life imitate art I HAVE TO KNOW IF IT GOES IN FICTION OR NON-FICTION! And so Alfred and Bruce and Dick and Barbara all had the same idea of like, why not both, both is good, and gave him an extra copy and so he ended up with like five copies of Frankenstein.

Also, literally every time he ends up with a case or aware of a case where vampires or werewolves or aliens or gods are involved, you can find a whole new section of fiction and nonfiction on the related subject in his room, and he’s scribbled all throughout the margins like LOL WELL THIS ISNT RIGHT and NOPE GOT THIS WRONG and IF THIS AUTHOR WAS ALIVE TODAY I WOULD TELL THEM RIGHT TO THEIR STUPID FACE ABOUT HOW NOT ACCURATE THEIR SAFETY PROTOCOLS FOR DEALING WITH VAMPIRES ARE LIKE THATS THE LAST TIME I BRING GARLIC TO A VAMPIRE FIGHT AND THINK IM DOING ANYTHING BUT SMELLING LIKE A TASTY PASTA FLAVORED TREAT, LIKE THANKS FOR NOTHING YOU ABSOLUTE HACK.

(Also I think Jason thinks Poe’s a pretentious boor, mostly because I find it funny to script scenes in my head where Jason just goes OFF about various authors and his Opinions on them, but he still likes his stuff for the mood and is like DONT @ ME, IM COMPLICATED, but this is entirely because of an old personal headcanon of mine where like, the frequent references to the gothic nature of Gotham tied to Jason’s very Gothammite nature resulted in my brain doing a What If where Jason either post-Robin-where-he-didn’t-die or even post-Red Hood picks a raven themed ensemble and calls himself something like Nevermore, and is like, Caw Caw, Im Gotham, Bitch).

In summation, I think Jason is eclectic as hell, and like, if its a book, and he’s got the time, he’s gotta read it because duh, that’s just the law of the jungle, he’s like lololol what there’s a book and I’m just what, just not going to read it? That’s what you think? LMAO that makes no sense you sound so dumb right now.

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