#and i really REALLY didn't make the connection until halfway through point 5

[luke-o-lophus]

hiii what is your favourite fanfic trope/what sort of au would you like to see aziracrow in

oh my GOD take a fucking seat. Yesssss.

Sooo...I'm not a big AU person, I don't see that vision unless I'm shown. In my head characters are very tied to that storyline/universe. But I DO have a bunch of tropes I wanna see AziraCrow in:

I NEED them in a coparenting/cool uncles dynamic...with an adult OC. It doesn't have anything to do with my daddy issues at all why do you ask. And before anyone asks NO there is no smut *sprays water*

I need more historical heists. I need them in retellings of famous historical events/unexplained events.

Crowley loves kids is one of my favourite HCs. And ducks. I need Crowley+kids+ducks+flustered Azi. Think kid brings egg and duck imprints on Crowley, chaos ensues.

And of COURSE I am a big sucker for hurt/comfort so I need them a little wet and bloody from time to time (when I say a little....). Few things can beat a "Who did this to you?" trope. Can go either way.

I'm here with ducks again. Ornithologist OC studying rare duck+Crowley going you...watch ducks...for a living?+add some fancy shmancy wildlife trafficking+kidnapping+heist+rescue and va-voom we got a 50k word fic

BAMF!Azi in literally any scenario without making him OOC because that's his deadliest. Imagine BAMF angel but he has a sugary smile and soft voice. Shaking in my boots.

[sevensoulmates]

No, no please ramble on, i have many a bone to pick with the way this was recieved. And i honestly didn't expect a certain part of the fandom to have any correct takes about this as they rebuke anything that even remotely points to Buck and Eddie being anything but good ol' bros, but the amount of shippers who retroactively decided that actually, nothing means anything is kinda disappointing. This is a pretty interesting (genius even) way to illustrate Bucks perception of home, romantic relationships and his agency in them after all.

I think Buck and his metaphorical connection to "belonging" and his home space, apartments/loft, couch, etc have been a Thing™️ since his introduction in season 1.

Season 1- he's uncomfortable in a shared house with a bunch of frat guys (including *cough*Connor) that he only came to LA with because of a delusion of creating a "family" with them. Then he meets Abby, he feels like she "sees" him, he moves into her place and doesn't leave until halfway through season 2 even though the relationship has been dead for longer than it's been alive.

Season 2- He meets Ali, and she's the one who convinces him to get his own place, the entire loft is ALI'S doing, harkening back to Buck's passivity in relationships and his tendency to lose himself in them. Ali is the one who gives the iconic "You're like a perpetual roommate, even in your own place" and she hit the fucking nail on the head.

Season 3- the meat of Buck with the Diaz boys starts. "This is Eddie's house, I'm not really a guest". Strong establishment of Buck is at his most comfortable with Eddie and Chris.

Season 4- First we got Chim invading Buck's space, then Albert, then Veronica. His space is still never safe because anyone at anytime can come in and make it there's and he just lets them. Buck retreats to the Diaz house even more for safety. Introduction of "everyone needs a safe space where they can be themselves" by Dr. Copeland. Then in the finale, Buck is the one at the Diaz house, sleeping on their COUCH, taking care of Christopher emotionally and physically, while Eddie recovers from the shooting.

Season 5- Taylor moves into the loft, encroaching on Buck's supposed "safe space", getting rid of his couch in favor of her own (putting her needs above Buck's), and she only moves in because Buck asked her after panicking that she might leave him after he kissed Lucy (both trauma responses). OBVIOUS cracks in the relationship that only gets WORSE when they move in together. They break up, and she takes her couch with her leaving more obvious holes in Buck's loft.

Season 6- the birth of the couch metaphor. Of Buck textually connecting his couch ie. his home with his romantic life. His distant yet overbearing mother forces a couch on him as a way to make up for 30 years of emotional neglect, he hates it and is uncomfortable with it, he only finds solace and rest on the Diaz couch, Kameron INVADES his home in 6b and demands more of him than he ever agreed to. She destroys his couch with her birth fluid. The couch is gone, and Buck asks Natalia if she wants to go couch shopping, incredibly soon after she walked out on him for being "too much".

Buck searching for his true home, his safe space, his family being connected to his physical home has been and will likely continue to be a huge part of his character arc. Who was it I saw who was waiting for Buck's loft to burn down since season 4? Y'all are where it's at, honestly. Who knows, maybe the "Buck's loft should burn down" truthers can combine with the "couch theory" truthers and the "buck breakdown s7" truthers, and make season 7 the best season yet.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Yes, my response gave you the impression that I was trying to be rude. I apologize if this came across as harsh. I didn't mean to be rude to you.

Regarding Lila, it seems deliberate that we know very little about her. While initially, we were introduced to Lila as someone who constantly lies, there was some information presented that many believed to be true until it was revealed to be another lie. Until she became the main antagonist, the writers focused primarily on the part of the story that explained her hatred towards the main lead and her path to becoming the next main villain, creating a sense of mystery around who she really is and dropping hints (And just because we don't see the final picture doesn't mean it doesn't exist. The whole Adrien is Sentimonster storyline was connected to what happened with Emilie, as it explains why she used the Peacock Miraculous, which, in turn, explains her fate) about that for the audience. It follows a similar formula to the Agreste arc, which took 100 episodes to answer why Emilie used the Peacock Miraculous. I guess that they will unveil more about Lila in the next story arc when she receives a greater focus in the plot. Mysteries are one of driving forces of the show.

I would also like to add that don't expect the 6th season to resolve most of the storylines. It's the beginning of the next story arc. Everything you'll be asking for in the next season could simply be stretched over 4-5 seasons. It really seems that many people were expecting the 6th season's story to be similar to the 4th season of Kim Possible.

In any case, I'm not trying to offend you in any way. Maybe I could have expressed the previous message better, but it is difficult to do when disagreement with other people's opinions can sometimes be interpreted with different emotions. I see why everything that happened in the fandom came to be that it is very divided

Thank you for apologizing and rewording:

So like. My point with my frustrations isn't so much that 'this hasn't been explained yet because it's the beginning of a new arc'.

It's that

1.) Lila is a character who has been here for five seasons, but was basically absent for two of those seasons, and is now being dragged in as someone super important with no real buildup to this. Until we got the reveal in the final two minutes of her last episode before the finale, she was just a barely-a-threat meangirl who appeared every other season and has less character development than the minor classmates. Going from that to our new Big Bad who is going to be in every episode is quite jarring when any of the previous episodes could have been used to make her more of a threat and to show her ambitions are far higher than just 'lies to make friends before she moves again'.

2.) It's part of a chronic problem that ML has where plot points just.... appear out of nowhere. Adrien being a Sentimonster wasn't even really hinted at until Season 4(we had a few cryptic scenes in Season 3, but that's vague). Felix didn't appear until Season 3 after years of TA saying he'd never show up. Kagami being a Sentimonster and Tomoe being involved with Gabriel's supervillain actions didn't exist until Season 5. Chloé's whole arc and motivations were clearly changed halfway through writing the Season 3 finale. Zoé didn't exist until Season 4. The characters ages get retconned all the time. There are things all throughout the previous seasons that directly contradict these new plot points.

It's incredibly frustrating because, at times, I can see where they want things to go. But it just.... wasn't planned out and despite having time to adjust things (According to the dates on the scripts, Season 4-5 were being written while Seasons 2-3 were in pre-production and things could be altered), nothing is done about this issue.

[splashink-games]

5 Strategy RPGs I Think You Should Play

Turn-based tactics, my love.

I play a lot of games, but some of my favourites include games like Final Fantasy Tactics and Fire Emblem. As a kid, those games gave me a lot of freedom in creating my fictional team of supernatural-power-wielding friends. And enough strategic importance that big number isn't always better (though it does plays a part).

Here are 5 strategy RPGs (I don't know how else to categorize them. Tactical RPG? Turn-based tactics?) that I played in the last year that I think y'all should play.

this one's a long one, folks.

Battletech

Played exactly a year ago today, I had a blast playing Battletech. enough to almost make it into my top 5 of 2023.

This game was my first interaction with lore from this universe and it felt like a pretty good jumping on point. It certainly helped when I played MechWarrior 5 at the end of last year. Narratively, this game kinda rocks. You've got a well-introduced main character and their nemesis and a long hill to push your rock up until you fulfill your goals.

strategically, the game is great. the main campaign quests it throws at you are pretty rad and sometimes does require knowing exactly what to do and with which units (and making sure you've got those units with you on drop).

What I really love about Battletech, and subsequently MechWarrior as a whole, is the mech customization. Unit optimization? Whatever you wanna call it. I liked scavenging for parts to make a mech, then equipping it with my most deadly weapons only to lose those weapons in combat. great times.

Wasteland 3

I didn't know what to think when I started played Wasteland 3. For me (I'm heavy into fantasy than sci-fi), it was pretty out of genre, setting-wise. it's post-apocalyptic modern and set in America (I really think it's important to point out that it's set in America). and it's not typically what I'm out to read.

what I did read was an incredibly written experience and really awesome narrative decision making along with solid mechanics. it was kinda cool to see my actions have consequences (which I looked up constantly because I knew what kind of game I was playing), like helping out a guy in Act 1 only for them to come back in halfway through Act 2.

and the skill tree was most impressive. for most of the game, it gives your team members well-defined roles, which I appreciated. and having narrative options tied to those, while I think is standard, was pretty nice considering I had to talk to NPCs with multiple characters to get what I wanted.

The Dungeon of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet of Chaos

If you're more into Dungeons and Dragons rather than guns and mechs (like I am), here be the Dungeon of Naheulbeuk.

This one is more a classic one-to-one to Dungeons and Dragons and functions as a big dungeon crawl with an inn in it. meaning the combat mechanics were fleshed out and familiar for me! so it was pretty simple but the rooms do a bit to keep players on their toes with environmental hazards.

the story is straightfoward: get to the Dungeon Master so they can leave. oh but wait! the stairs aren't working! guess we'll take the long way around~! overall, the dialogue was pretty hit-or-miss (more misses with the comedy for me though).

Fae Tactics

Fae Tactics was a pretty big surprise in a lot of ways.

as another one of my honourable mentions for games I played last year, Fae Tactics has solid gameplay and story.

I actually really liked how the story plays itself out. you get bits of non-linear progression with every main quest you complete, meaning you can do most of the game in any order you want. I did do everything in my first playthrough, so it was cool to see different parts of the story connect, and the epilogues that I got in the end. and how the story evolves from one goal to another and how it resolves conflicts is pretty interesting!

moreover, I thought the dialogue for this game was pretty aight. it matched the mood of the game as well as the characters. it knew when to be serious and when to try to be funny.

mechanically, this game is less about customizing your team and more about completing combat with what you have, until you reach maximum upgrades (where you've got pretty obvious choices). capturing your own fae during battle is actually really important since it gives you more options moving forward.

Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga

This was one I've wanted to play but only recently got the chance! One of this year's first games for me, Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga felt pretty good to play.

outright, the narrative I think needs some work. it's not the best, but it gets the job done. it's easy enough to follow and enough characters to like to get you through the game. surprisingly, or maybe unsurprisingly, I didn't like the main character's arc, though it does make a little sense in hindsight.

the best part about this game was the gameplay, for sure. creating an army and commanding it was so fun. there's so much you can do because of the freedom the game allows you in your units. there are items to change affinities, upgrade stats, give your squads more capacity (that's a big one), and so on. additionally, having a maximum 9 units (on average it's more like 6-8 units) per squad was creatively engaging.

one of the biggest things is the fact you can class promote/demote at will. the resources are only allocated and never go away, and you really notice it when you get the tech upgrades that reduces resource costs. and I think the game made the right choice in setting the strongest unit type (dragons) aside for in-combat stores only.

in battle, the strategy was pretty straightforward. the game often relies on sending reinforcements for increased difficulty. but otherwise, the maps provided pretty interesting problems for players to solve. and by the end game, you're commanding up to 20 squads per turn, which is kind of insane.

to recap!

Battletech is a great starting point into MechWarrior lore while being an awesome tactical game.

with a wildly different setting from the rest, Wasteland 3 provides the most dynamic narrative of the bunch with solid strategic gameplay to pair along with it!

for D&D lovers, The Dungeon of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet of Chaos is pretty aight, especially if you don't have the funds for newer titles.

Fae Tactics was a surprise hit that strategy/tactical RPG fans will love!

and lastly, Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga is robust in tactics and will get you thinking about the best army composition.

Here's to more tactical games in the future! in fact I already have more lined up-

As always,

Enjoy gaming!

[mrbottomhat69]

Specific and niche theories I have about the Are You Afraid of the Dark? reboot #1: Trauma theory

(Edited to fully explain Curse of the Shadows and Ghost Island instead of leaving the ideas half-realized)

Okay, so

Each season is a metaphor for or thematically connected to some kind of common trauma or something kids within the age demographic could relate to.

Let me explain.

After watching Carnival of Doom a few times, I interpreted it as a story about abuse and unearthing traumatic memories. Rachel assumed that her nightmares/night terrors were just really hyperspecific, even to the point of mentioning it in her own story almost offhandedly, until it actually came back to haunt her and she had what I could only describe as a precursor to a panic attack at the end of episode 1/beginning of episode 2. In episode 2, while the other midnight society members are generally threatened with their fears that one in each pair had said out loud in the carnival's perimeters, Rachel is almost fucking drowned in the tunnel of love halfway through talking about her emotions with a guy she trusts. Between her and Gavin, neither had mentioned their fears of anything similar during the episode unless Rachel's fear isn't as obvious. Mr. Tophat spends the entire story trying to isolate Rachel as much as possible from people she could easily trust, taking her first friend in a new town, her (probably) first love interest, the only adult that bothered to actively investigate everything, and all of her remaining friends in the climax of the last episode. The only reason she managed to win in the end was because she had friends that stood by her in her lowest moments. There's much more to this that I didn't write, but some of it relies on Freudian analysis of the scorpions and I don't know if that constitutes as valid evidence. It's also been a while since I watched all three episodes in succession.

I interpreted the theme/motif of Curse of the Shadows to be depression, but not obviously. Rather the effects it has on other people. Shadowman is literally a creature born of loss and deep sadness corrupted into a shadow that will kidnap children that enter his domain to fill the void of loss. In the first two episodes, Luke actively blames himself for Connor's disappearance in a way that's similar to how some people blame themselves for the effects of a friend or loved one's depression (taking from personal experience). The second half of the plot hinges on Connor becoming a literal shadow of himself, void of interest in anything other than making sure the rest of the midnight society suffer the effects of the curse (exemplified when Gabby proves Connor isn't who he says he is when he agrees to watch a zombie movie with the others, a genre that the real Connor isn't fond of). During episode 5, a majority of those who end up getting snatched by the shadows end up accepting their fate that they probably wouldn't make it out of there completely unscathed. It's their determination to break the curse that keeps their misery from trapping them. Their solution is to literally go back in time to keep the grief and sadness that caused the shadowman's existence from happening, leading to a literally better and brighter future. It was the midnight society's determination to help each other at their lowest points that lead to a better ending.

Ghost Island actually takes a lot from Curse of the Shadows, but seems to be more about grief and the grieving process. The plot hinges on the connection between Kayla and her dead twin sister Bella. Grief is also a prevalent plot point, whether it's the midnight society members and their feelings about Bella, Max grieving the loss of finding out he's no longer technically alive, Lucia's grief over her dead love kicking off the curse in the first place, or Bella having a conversation with Kayla in the mirror realm about grief and moving on before the climactic end of the series. Even the main villain of this season, Jonas Cutter himself, briefly feels regretful of betraying Lucia before shoving that feeling aside as he shoves Lucia back into room 13's bathroom mirror. The final scene also makes a poignant point, with all of the ghosts gathering around the midnight society's campfire as they tell their first story since Bella's passing and truly continuing both her and the group's legacy.

The point is I could easily make a video essay full of quotes specifically about how prevalent and important I find this theory, since we live in a world where it's becoming more mainstream for children within the show's age demographic to explore their own issues and traumas and talk about them.

Or this is just a fringe theory. I'm not really here to argue about its validity.

[imreallyloveleee]

Don’t know if you feel like this but to me, Riverdale had a lot of potential on season 1 but it got worst when writers started to write to get reactions from the audience and not for the show (as you said). Season 1 wasn’t perfect by any means, it still had cringe worthy dialogue and acting but it had a very cohesive plot point. The murder of Jason affected every character and cohesively moved the plot until the end. The relationships being built made sense, felt fresh and the characters were allowed to have genuine angry reactions. Then, I for confirmed from one of Cole interviews that they filmed the entirely of Season 1 before it aired – and that’s the thing. Season 1 had time to be planned and fixed into 13 episodes, which is more than enough, being filmed way before it aired gave the writers a moment to write for themselves and not being influenced by the audience.

Season 2 started the problems with inconsistent writing, lack of character progression, multiple story lines that never seem to connect, and I also think the 22 episodes order was partly the problem. Many shows nowadays adapt the 10 to 13 episodes per season style and the CW continues being the only one ordering shows for 22 episodes which is so old fashioned, and it makes the writers create filter episodes or the need to prolong story lines because they need to cover for more episodes, it makes the actors stay more time on set, which means they need to film while the season is airing and it allows for writers to change the plot based on comments.

And I just believe that if Riverdale had stayed with 13 episodes per season, hardly any of the crazy and useless plot lines would have been able to make the cut, which for Riverdale, it’s so much better. Sometimes the mystery plots the show deals with can be done in 13 episodes. The writers don’t plan the season anymore because the CW has people filming like crazy as soon as another season ends. Season 1 felt cohesive because it was done with time and lesser episodes.

yeah, I agree that s1 worked best as a contained arc, for sure. it's hard to say whether the show would have been much better if subsequent seasons had been similarly short, though. i'm almost positive i've read that they didn't know who jason's murderer was until they were at least halfway through writing the season, so there's been a severe lack of planning from the very conception of the show. and they couldn't even come up with a coherent arc for the 5-episode event, which they had practically no restrictions for.

i think it basically boils down to this: RAS is a creative guy with interesting ideas who has no business being a showrunner, and the rest of the show's writers lack the talent to make up for it. i admittedly don't have much insight into the entertainment industry specifically, but people get promoted into management positions all the time based on the strength of their work product instead of the strength of their actual management skills and i think that's just as true for creatives as it is for any other industry. the showrunner's job is to guide the writers, cast & crew towards a coherent vision...and he's not really able to do it. we've seen this play out across multiple series that he’s helmed by now.

[bookcup]

Saint Death's Daughter, by C.S.E. Cooney

4/5 🌟

"Stoneses die young," her big sister explained patiently. "We have to grow up fast if we're to grow up at all."

And indeed, the Stones family has a complicated history of untimely deaths, mostly told through the footnotes at the end of each chapter. But that is not the only thing that makes them special: they have historically served as assasins to the royal family of Liriat and, most importantly, they all have rather extravagant names. Miscellaneous "Lanie" Stones is the youngest member of this family, and after her parents' deaths she and her sister must find a way to pay all their debt and avoid losing the family home, getting tangled up in some dangerous schemes along the way.

This story was incredibly ambitious, there was a lot of worldbuilding to do and a lot of ground to cover plot-wise, and yet the book didn't feel incomplete. There were some points I was left wondering about, like the exact workings of the magic system or other types of wizards, but all that was shown made sense. As for the plot, it was a bit dense for me, especially because it didn't move that fast until about halfway through the book, and so the characters (except for the protagonist) didn't seem to have that much room for development and connection with the reader. It also left a few loose ends, so I'm hoping for a sequel that will round everything up, but the book also works as a standalone.

Finally, I would like to mention the writing style, which was flowy but still made for a great narration. I think it was perfect for this story, with its aristocratic setting and eccentric characters. It felt humorous at just the right moments (the footnotes were a really fun aspect and their "serious" tone was perfect), but it somehow also made me feel worse for Lanie at her lowest moments. The weird family names were also a great touch, if a bit confusing at first, but they made complete sense after knowing a bit more of the family history throughout the book.

All in all, this was a great read. It's definitely not for reading in one afternoon, but if you like fantasy you might want to give this book a try.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for the opportunity to read and review this book.

[copper-dragon-in-disguise]

I have something to say.

And some people might not like it but whatever. I was scrolling through Pinterest and found this.

Here's the article link if you want to read it.

It's true. They're right. We need a break.

For context: I'm a middle schooler in her early teens, American. Public school my entire life. LGBTQIA+; Anxiety; ADHD; Social Anxiety; and a very bad understanding of social cues sometimes. I'm 2e (Or 'Twice-Exceptional), meaning I'm academically gifted but also have what qualifies as a learning disorder (ADHD). I'm a nerd and don't fit society's definition of normal.

When I was in kindergarten I loved it. Patterns? Easy. Red, Blue, Red, Blue. Writing letters? Sure my handwriting sucked but I understood it. Making clay snowmen in Art class? Fun as hell. Library? The best thing ever. Teacher? She was incredible. Other kids? Yeah, I was social. Foreign concept to me now but I was friends with almost everyone.

But you know what I miss the most?

Naptime.

An hour or so after lunch where you could sit on the floor, with a blanket, and relax. I never actually slept but gods, I got scolded so many times for whispering with the person next to me. I didn't get stressed then. I loved school back then.

First grade? I had mixed feelings. Lot of issues from then.

Second? Enh. Okay- Ish.

Third? If I hadn't had the teacher I had I would not be as okay as I am now.

In 3rd me and my parents looked at a private school. All girls, the entry test thing was amazing. I went there for a visit and there were people skipping- SKIPPING!- because they were happy with their education. But it was an hour away from us and we needed financial assistance. If it had been one or the other I would have gone there in a heartbeat. I loved it.

Fourth? PSSAs are hell, my best friend is on the other side of the school district in a different elementary school because her parents divorced, and I'm stuck with her cousin that doesn't really like me (The feeling was mutual), so I spend the entire year alone because I only ever had two friends. I also had two 15 minitue recesses and that was barely enough to keep me sane but at the same time too much time that made my loneliness even more visible.

Fifth? Ten minutes of break the entire day. Lunch was 30 minutes. The wait in the lunch line was between 5-15 (ish) minutes. My family thinks I eat too fast. I don't. Not for that. I don't have many memories of that year. I repressed them because I was bullied horribly the entire year. It's the first and only time I've ever cried in school. That summer was the last time I cried. I haven't cried in two years. I've repressed the memories to the point that I don't know if it was actually me doing the bullying or if it was her. That's how messed up my brain is. My few memories say it was her bullying me but I don't know. I really don't.

Jean? And her cousin? I didn't really fit with them anymore, but I stayed with them because I had no one else. I should have left. Made friends with Scott or someone else who understood me slightly. yes, I had my parents, but I just never told them because they were already so stressed about other shit. I didn't tell any teachers; they didn't know until it ended in a shouting match in the very beginning of my (tail end of her's) math class. I think my ELA teacher knew though. Or suspected, at least. He never gave me points for reading in class. For a year (two) my only support system was books and I had no actual friends. I didn't have any actual friends until I moved and now I have one.

Sixth? The same (Minus part of the bullying, she wasn't in my classes, mostly), except a pandemic halfway through. I sat with people I barely knew who really didn't get me at all at lunch because I was terrified of being alone, of any potential for being seen as a target ever again. I still am.

Seventh? I moved. No Gifted Program. Middle of a Pandemic. Get back to me in a month, when it's over.

My point is that I grew up too fast. I lost my childhood. I have more of the symptoms of a emotional abuse survivor than I should. I'm not comparing myself to those people; I'm not saying what happened to me is anything like whatever happened to them.

I'm just saying that I went through what, to me, was hell and some of it could have been avoided if I had had the social-emotional learning skills to make a friend.

If school had taught me what it should have maybe I wouldn't be so broken now.

If school had given breaks and less homework maybe I wouldn't be so stressed now.

If I had a chance to breathe in those years maybe I would be different now.

I can't remember the last time I was properly relaxed. The closest I get is when I'm writing; when I'm crafting a story that's all my own.

I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I'm not even sure why I wrote it. But...

I just needed to tell someone and if they- if you ignore me I'll never know.

I don't know if I was the villian. I don't know if I was the victim. All I know is I am broken; touch starved; blaming myself for everything bad that ever happened to me; and I really, really want to cry but I can't.

Sorry its so long and doesn't really connect to the picture at all.

Thank you, if you're still here.

[aurorawest]

5 6 11 and 14 for Counting Anniversaries (hands down my favourite fic you have ever written it is stunning!!!)

5: What part was hardest to write?

Honestly, the date with Erik. I knew I wanted Loki's hookup to be a decent person. When I started this fic, the very first thing I wrote was actually a snippet of dialogue where the hookup (and at that point I didn't even know who it was) asks Loki why he's even there, when he's obviously so in love with his husband. So I wanted to make him a guy who was absolutely fine, just not for Loki. And I wanted there to be awkwardness and ease to it, like, they would have moments where you (the reader), actually thinks Loki might go through with it because he's connecting with this guy.

I also just in general find these types of conversations difficult to write...even with Loki and Stephen, when faced with a conversation where I'm like, "okay, Now They Flirt," I find it sort of daunting. Usually with the two of them, I start writing and it just comes out, because they're perfect for each other, but with Loki and Erik, it was hard. I actually started this fic probably a year ago? And I finished the first chapter sometime over the summer, then got halfway through the date and put it aside until a few weeks ago, when I finally finished it. Actually wrote all the remaining Loki/Erik date on planes, which for whatever reason really helps me to write scenes that are giving me trouble.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

Most obviously, it features an elderly Stephen! I've written one thing where Stephen was full on old (a ficlet that's part of You Come to Me Wild and Wired), but this is the first thing where I really explored what that means.

I think it's special because it deals with what aging means to an interspecies couple where one of them is extremely long lived, and the other...isn't. And I don't think you see that much, if at all, really, in the MCU fandom (or maybe any fandom? idk), because frankly, it's a huge downer. But one of the things I love about Loki/Stephen as a ship is the fact that they're two extraordinary people...but that also? They're just people. And you can have all the magic in the world, but you're still going to be human. You're still going to embarrass yourself, you still have to go to the bathroom, you still have doubts and insecurities, you still want someone who loves you and gets you, you still need to eat and do laundry and sort through your junk mail. You'll still get old. That's why most of my fic about them deals with them being pretty ordinary...we know they can do kickass spells and fly and whatever. I want to see what they're like when they're not at work, so to speak.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

The fact that I finished it. Haha no. I like that I took a chance. When I posted it, I honestly didn't think I'd get many kudos or comments. The concept is sad. This fandom loves to make Loki's human lovers immortal—I've always thought there's little appetite for the way I write Froststrange, with Stephen aging normally and dying of old age. So I posted it with the assumption that the response would be muted, if not outright negative. The fact that the response has been...kind of amazing (I mean, for me, I'm not a BNF or anything), has been honestly incredible. I've been moved to tears by many of the comments I've received (so, fair warning, when I respond to them, I'm going to probably be awkward and flaily, haha).

I also like that I included sex between Loki and 86 year old Stephen, and that I didn't shy away from the fact that these two still get it on and are super attracted to each other, despite the apparent age gap.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

I guess...the idea that getting old isn't the end. That old people still have desire, and are still desired. And that being sad and living with that sadness isn't a bad thing. That even when you know there's an end, you still find your happiness in the moment, because it's what you have right now.

The fic, in case anyone would like to read it: Counting Anniversaries

Thank you so so SO much for your kind words, I'm really really glad you like this fic!! I'm very proud of it and it's the best feeling when you're proud of something and other people like it, too.

Reblog if you are a fanfiction author and would like your readers to put one of your fic titles in your ask + questions about it

[xanderwithanx]

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

[brokemultidotexe]

Second Chances Pt.5 | JJK

↬ Pairing: idol!jungkook x reader

↬ Summary: Even though it scared you, you knew you couldn’t walk away again. Big Hit allowed you to go on tour with the boys but with the promise to keep your relationship with the boys hidden from the public eye. The saying “good things never last” rings true as rumors of a secret romance makes its way online and suddenly the boys lives are put under a microscope and threats start pouring in. Jungkook does everything in his power to make sure you’ll stay, but what happens when the one thing you feared most comes true? [sequel to Unexpected]

↬ Word Count: 3.3k

↬ Warning/Rating: None/T

↬  Genre: Romance/Friendship

↬  Part: Trailer | Prologue [1 / 2] | 1 | 1.5 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |

You enjoyed the few days you were able to steal with JK. You ended up spending quite a bit of time alone while the boys finished promoting while they were in America. Their growth in popularity surprised you. The six months you spent trying to escape everything BTS, ended up being when they exploded globally.

You found yourself missing JK more and more, and the more time you spent with him you didn't know how the two of you could handle the distance. When the boys had interviews you stayed at the hotel waiting for them to come back. It was during one of those times that Bang PD dropped by JK’s room to talk to you.

“Are you enjoying your time here?” he asked with a smile as the two of you sat at the small table off to the side.

“Very much so...It’s been nice being able to see everyone again.” you gave him a hesitant smile. You weren’t sure why he had stopped by and your mind was thinking of all the worst scenarios. Would he ask you to stay away from JK and never talk to him again? The thought alone made your stomach sink.

“I know everyone has enjoyed seeing you again, especially Jungkook. The change in him since you’ve been here is astronomical. It’s been nice to have him smiling again and showing the passion he had lost during the time you two have been apart.”

You felt the need to interrupt, “Please know that I never meant to cause such a disruption within the group and staff. I thought I was doing the right thing for the both of us.” you looked down at your hands folded in your lap.

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty Y/N. I see why you did it and if it was anyone else I would have said that you probably did the right thing, but when Jungkook is passionate about something he’s all in. He doesn’t do anything halfway and when it comes you, you are everything to him. We had many talks throughout the whole time he was struggling and I came to realize just how important you were to him and that this wasn’t some meaningless relationship that wouldn’t last.” he gave you an encouraging smile. “I’m not here to be the bearer of bad news Y/N. It’s actually the opposite. I had a meeting with the staff about our next destination during this tour and all of them were very happy with the way you had handled the award show for all of us. I wanted to ask you if you would be interested in being a part of our team as an interpreter for the duration of the tour.”

Your eyes went wide with shock. A job offer was the last thing you expected to hear “...wait, what?” you stuttered.

He laughed, “I’m asking if you want to be the boy’s interpreter for the rest of the tour. This would mean you would travel with boys and the staff and help out anyone that needed it.”

You leaned back in your chair as you continued to try and wrap your head around what he was asking. Being an interpreter for Big Hit was a huge opportunity and you knew this type of opportunity didn’t come around very often. You were so excited to be able to have the opportunity to do something you loved and that would allow you to travel.

“Y/N this would allow you to be with Jungkook instead of having to be apart again, but I feel the need to remind you of my original request when the two of you came to me. If you do decide to be part of the tour then you both will have to make sure that the public doesn’t find out. We don’t want a dating scandal to surround the boys. We want the spotlight to be on their music and who they are as people, not about the fact they are dating someone. Please don’t misunderstand this as I don’t want the two of you together because that’s not what I'm saying. I think the two of you are great together, but I'm requesting this from a CEO standpoint.”

You understood why he requested that from the two of you, but it didn’t suck any less. Would going on tour with him cause distractions? Would you be able to handle the fans and what they say? Would the stress of the tour cause strain on your relationship? A million thoughts were going through your mind to the point that forming an answer was difficult.

“How about you think about it and you let me know?” He stood up and you looked up at him.

You watched as he turned to leave, “Wait!” his hand hovered over the door handle. “I’ll do it. I’ll be an interpreter for Big Hit.” you blurted out. Apparently, your heart knew what it wanted because you felt like you hadn’t decided yet, but the thought of giving up the opportunity and not seeing JK for a while scared you.

Bang PD turned and smiled at you, “I will tell them to get the paperwork ready and you can sign it later today.”

“Is it okay if I'm the one that tells him?” you felt excitement at getting to see his face when he found out.

“Of course. I’ll make sure to tell the staff to keep it a secret for now.”

“Thank you.” you stood and bowed deeply.

He smiled and left the room after telling you that the boys are done with the schedules and should be back soon. You decided to lay on the bed and let everything that just happened sink in even more. You couldn’t believe that you just landed your dream job and it allowed you to be next to JK. It didn’t take long before you sobered up and realized that you were going to have to tell your parents that you were leaving again and you weren’t sure when you would be back since Big Hit was constantly adding more dates because the demand for tickets is so high. You closed your eyes and sighed, hopefully, your mother would take it better the second time around. You still remembered her break down over you no longer living there after you decided to stay even longer than you originally planned. You couldn’t help that you fell in love with more than just Korea.

You heard a beep and knew that JK was back from the interviews. Both of you smiled when your eyes connected. You still had a flutter in your stomach every time you saw him. The saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ is totally true. JK dropped everything he was holding and crawled on the bed and pulled you to lay down and wrapped his arms and legs around you. “I feel like my brain is mush after all those interviews. I really should have studied English more.”

You laughed and ran your fingers through his hair. You knew the struggle of foreign languages and their sudden rise in western popularity caused all of them to have to sharpen their English skills in a short period. “It gets better, plus you have me here.”

JK buried his face in your neck, “Having you here is the best thing ever, but I can’t take you to interviews with me.” His head shot up startling you, “Oh! We can lock the interpreter in a closet somewhere and you can pose as our interpreter.” he nodded to himself, “I like this plan.”

You looked at him with a knowing smile and it solidified your feelings over going on tour with them. “When do you guys leave?” The smile and happiness fell from his face quickly as the awful truth came up.

JK ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, “Tomorrow.” you felt bad for making him feel this way but you really wanted to surprise him and giving such good news after bad news was the best thing you could think of. “Can we go and beg the staff to find some more interviews? I’ll torture myself with English for a whole day if it gave me just a few more hours with you. He looked in your eyes and your heart skipped a beat. He had always made you feel so loved even when he wasn’t trying.

“Well…” you let your statement hang in the air until he raised an  eyebrow waiting for you to continue, “what if I just accept Bang PD’s job offer of being an interpreter for Big Hit for the rest of the tour?”

He sat up quickly and looked down at you, “What?”

You sat up so you were eye level with him, “Bang PD came here to talk to me less than an hour ago. He offered me a job to work as an interpreter for the staff during the rest of the tour. I mean I don’t know what will happen after that or if--”

You were surging forward before and before you could completely register what happened your lips crashed into his. You expected words from him but the feeling of his lips moving on yours spoke louder than words. He pulled you closer and broke the kiss to put his forehead against yours.

“Please tell me I didn’t hear you wrong,” he whispered desperately.

“You didn’t hear me wrong,” you said squashing his worries.

You had been surprised before when he pulled you into a kiss but that seemed miniscule compared to now. He pulled you closer and flipped the both of you over so he was on top of you. He caged you in underneath him and the air around the two of you changed when your eyes met. “I love you.” He leaned down and placed his lips on yours. This kiss was different than any of the other kisses the two of you had shared. Most of them being rushed but passionate kisses or quick pecks here and there. Instead of you being against a hotel room wall your back was pressed against the bed and kissed you deeply. As if all the feelings he had kept stored away because of the circumstances was now flooding out and you felt overwhelmed.

He positioned himself so he could slide his fingers into your hair and you felt a light tug causing you to moan and you could feel him fisting the comforter beneath you. Your fingers were itching to touch him so you ran your hands up his arms as he continued to kiss you deepening it even more. This is what happiness felt like and it felt good to finally feel at home again. You had never been so sure of a decision as he pulled back and looked down at you and smiled. Seeing the pure happiness in his eyes made everything the two of you went through to get to this moment worth it. You knew that you never wanted to be a part from him again and made a promise that you would do everything to make sure the two of you never had to experience that pain again.

AN: I know it’s been forever since I updated this story and I’m so sorry! I had major writer's block with it. I'm going to do my best to try and not have so much time between this and ch.6. I hope you all enjoyed it and it was worth the wait!

[feuilly-cakes]

Wayward Children books 2-5 Review

Author: Seanan Mcguire

I compiled my reviews for the rest of this series into one post for the simple fact that I read them all so quickly. My thoughts changed hour by hour and so I wanted to get them all in one place.

Down Among the Sticks and Bones (book 2)

I found this a fascinating exploration of Jack and Jill’s characters. The takes on gender roles and parental expectations were hard hitting and real, I really felt bad for these girls with their ridiculous parents. The Moors were just the right amount of creepy in my opinion; the danger was there and known but it wasn’t scary to the point where I found it difficult to read. I could appreciate the grimness of the world without being put off by it. I do think as a backstory it was very good, but I think if I had picked it up as a stand-alone I would have been less interested in it. Knowing what became of the girls after the end of the book while I was reading it upped the tension and the desire to find out exactly how that had happened, and if I had been taking it at face value as an adventure story without the big consequences after the end I wouldn’t have been so invested I think. That being said, I really enjoyed it and I was excited to get through to the next book Jack was in. 

Here are my thoughts on the characters as they stand by the end of this book:

Jack: I relate a lot to Jack in this. I kept forgetting she was a girl in the first book and she was mostly a character that was vaguely interesting but not someone I could relate to, so this connection was unexpected. Her OCD (or what looks like it anyway) is probably a big factor in this, but she’s also very queer, though not in the same way as me. Very relatable. Her struggle with caring about her sister while also being a victim of her was also pulled off wonderfully. She was the one I was rooting for in this.

Dr Bleak: I thought that Dr Bleak would be cruel or heartless, but I was pleasantly surprised. He’s a stern, practical man, but he cares for Jack and treats her well. He wants her to stay and to flourish in the Moors, and aside from toughening her up a bit for practicality’s sake he doesn’t want to change her.

Jill: She annoyed me. I understood why she is so messed up, but there’s no doubt in my mind that she is a villain in this. Certain events didn’t need to happen but she wanted them to, and ruined lives while doing so, and so any sympathy for her for what the Master did to her immediately vanished.

Beneath the Sugar Sky (book 3)

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The adventures through the realms were super exciting, as was seeing the original characters (from the first book that is) Rini was hilarious but also had depth and I felt so sad for her. I also nearly decided to count the amount of times people said vagina because of her but decided that would be far too difficult since it got mentioned a lot in a short space of time. She’s truly a character that one. I was surprised that Rini wasn’t the main character, not that there really are main characters in this book, but we mostly see things from the perspective of Cora, who I thought was nice but the self consciousness and self hatred got a bit much with her at times. She’s a byproduct of bullying and it’s all a bit dark in her head. I did enjoy her character though. The adventure was great. I was on the edge the whole time, because I felt Sumi’s death in the first book was super tragic and shocking, so I was rooting for them to fix that little hiccup the whole time. I’m also hoping that we get to see more of Layla in future books, because I feel she has great potential and could end up being a fave of mine. The illustration of her really made me in awe. Most of the illustrations in this book were lovely, but that one in particular was gorgeous.

In An Absent Dream (book 4)

This review is going to be a longer one, as I have a lot of feelings about this book. First, Lundy's tale was by far the most high-stakes and stressful for me so far in the series, barring the actual murder plot of the first book. Something about the way it was written, I'm guessing. With every new development I was more and more on edge; by the halfway point I was convinced something terrible was going to happen to Moon because of her increasing debts, and 3/4 in I had to put the book down for a day because it got so intense. The Goblin Market itself seems like a cruel and unforgiving place, even as the people within are all caring for each other. The descriptions were reminiscent of a Studio Ghibli setting, and I could see the appeal, at least aesthetically. The rules were what made it seem cruel to me, so I guess I would never have had a door there myself. One thing I didn't really call was that final scene at the market... [sp*ilers over on my goodreads ]

I related to and grew frustrated with Lundy in equal measure. Every time she made a sensible move it seemed as though she made an equally stupid decision not long afterwards. Knowing her far off future just made that frustration worse. The whole time she was in the Goblin Market or making plans to go back to the Market, I couldn't help but think of her poor family. How awful would it be to be treated like she treated them, to be discarded like she discarded them? She never felt guilt for all the worry she caused them, not even when she ran away for 2 years. Sure, sending her to boarding school was a bad move, but so was running away without even a note to say goodbye.

I suppose sometimes the best someone can do isn't the right thing to do, and this book sort of drills that message into your head, what with all the mistakes these characters make all the way, and the prices they have to pay.

Come Tumbling Down (book 5)

I had a prediction for this book: Jack was going to be turned into a vampire because Jill could no longer become one. The real events seemed far more ridiculous and a bit funny, until, as all things relating to the Moors, reality set in and it quickly turned horrifying. The way Jack fell apart due to her circumstances was absolutely heartbreaking and... well, let's just say it hit too close to home. The quest itself was fantastic - I enjoy when characters react to other worlds, and the way the rest of Jack's world was explored in more depth was fascinating. This story was the one I had been waiting for since reading Down Among the Sticks and Bones, where the girls could have gone in any direction and ended up away from the Moors, so the fact that we get to see one of those other directions in the form of the Drowned Gods was exciting and fulfilling. The conclusion to Jack and Jill's story was satisfying to the maximum. It was dark and real and exciting, the perfect ending to their story arcs, and though it all got wrapped up perfectly (to my tastes) and the story of Jack and Jill is over, Jack's story is really beginning anew. She does have a threat still lurking over her after the end, and it allows speculation as we are left to wonder what happens to her after [sp*ilers redacted]

Definitely one of my favourites of the series.

[zebra-warrior]

(Part 1) As I mentioned in my last post, it's Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Awareness month so to celebrate I wanted to share. My story. It's long and isn't fully up to date but trust me, this is the short version. Some of you have read my story in the past but if you haven't I would like to share in hopes of spreading awareness.

My name is Jamie Hamilton and here's my story:

I was born prematurely at 4lbs 12oz. In the beginning, I was thought to be healthy until shortly after birth. It was found I had a heart murmur and issues with my GI system. I was unable to pass stool so a minor surgery to expand the rectum was performed and my parents went home with a healthy baby... Well, at least that's what they thought. My GI problems continued and by the age of 5, I began complaining of joint pain and migraine headaches and was prescribed high dose laxatives of various types and adult Advil.

While attending Elementary school, I did okay, but it was noticed I was quite clumsy, always had some kind of infection, the pain continued and at age 8 I passed out for the first time. Later that year I got my first urinary tract infection, which is really rare in children, but doctors brushed it off and said it must just be a sign I'm starting puberty. That didn't happen until 6 years later and even that wasn't normal. The dizzy spells and clumsiness continued but soon after, abnormal bruising began to surface, in which several doctors called social workers into the room thinking I was abused by my parents, though I was not. These issues along with seemingly, having less energy than most children my age presented.

By middle school, I was 12 and it was noticed how small I was in comparison to my peers. It was also noted in my charts that I hadn't grown even an inch between the ages of 2 and 12. Doctors brushed that off as failure to thrive. I was being beaten up terribly for my height as well as being taunted for newly diagnosed learning disabilities. The last string was when one girl shoved me onto the ground, face down on the floor of a locker. She had two friends, one who sat on my lower back and held my legs down and another who sat on my upper back pinning my arms down while this girl kicked the locker shut into my head over and over again until I went unconscious then kept going while the teachers watched it happen, turning a blind eye to what had happened. This was my first Traumatic Brain Injury. (I promise this part of my story will be relevant later.) My parents, not able to afford for me to go to another school weren't sure where to turn when my grandma stepped up and pulled me out of this school putting me into another one.

I seemed to do a little better in this more laid back setting and actually started to grow. Turns out it was because we had to pack our own lunches instead of eating what the school gave us but I didn't know that at the time. Other than growing taller, the same health issues continued but didn't stop me. I went to this school until the 10th grade in which the teachers were no longer able to teach me because of my grade level. I was then switched to a different public school.

Things went okay there at first, but by age 16 my health hit me again and hit me hard. I started having weird issues with my heart and the GI issues continued. I saw a doctor who ran a test for what was a rare disease at the time but now very common, Celiac Disease. The test also came back showing I had 17 other food allergies. It came back positive so I was able to change how I ate and I finally experienced the same slight improvement of symptoms I had noticed at my old school where we had to bring our own lunches. Although I had a minor victory, I also had a setback with my heart. I experienced a strange feeling, as if it was pounding and skipping beats. Whenever this happened I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. I was in and out of hospitals. This whole time being diagnosed with Hypochondria or being told it's all in my head. One hospital even banned me because I was what they called a “frequent flyer”. Everyone kept running the same basic tests yet showed no real interest due to the fact that "I was young, so I must be healthy and teenagers like attention so I was making it up for attention." at age 17, I was in the hospital and this is when my heart stopped for the first time. The alarms went off and no one came. My mom ran through the hall screaming for help when a nurse told her I'm an attention seeker and probably just pulled the leads to the monitoring system off. My mom drug her back to the room and everything was connected. I had truly coded. I was brought back and they did an EKG. Unfortunately, after I was conscious, the EKG results were normal, so I was sent home and referred to a cardiologist.

Later that year a new symptom began. I had my first Grand Mal seizure during Chemistry class. My school sent me to the hospital where I was accused of being a drug addict because drugs cause seizures in teens. Again, social workers were brought in and hours were spent accusing me of being a drug addict. Finally, after almost just as long of me pleading for them to just run a drug test and stop accusing me of something I didn't do, they did... It was clean and no drugs were found in my system. At this point, various tests were run and I was hooked to an EEG for four days. I felt okay, but the alarms just kept going off. I was registering 500 or more Petit mal Seizures an hour. Yes, an hour. It's a type of seizure where you don't drop down and go into convulsions, but essentially loose attention for as little as, a fraction of a second. I didn't even know these seizures were taking place. I was then put on antiepileptic medication which I had an allergic reaction to. It caused my skin to burn and sloth off of my body so this medication was discontinued and I was sent home with a referral to a Neurologist.

As the school year progressed, I went to the hospital again for chest pain. The hospital ran the same tests as they always had in the past. A CBC and urinalysis were done and nothing was found. Right before I was to be released, my blood pressure suddenly dropped to 60/20 (a blood pressure that in the medical world is considered medically dead) code blue was called and the crash cart was wheeled in. When the hospital staff flooded into the room strangely, I was awake and alert, at least for about 2 minutes in which I soon after had another grand-Mal seizure which seemed to reset my heart and increase my blood pressure from rock bottom to low normal. No one figured out what was going on and again I was sent home the same day being told, "Well, her heart is beating and everything seems normal now." The rest of high school went similarly. I spent a lot of time in the hospital with no good answers. Before I graduated, I was told I have Fibromyalgia and Degenerative Disk Disease and with Scoliosis I've had it all my life, this explains my pain, but it shouldn't be that bad so I was again pushed to the back burner. I also seemed to be having a lot of strange allergic reactions to many medications and items such as clay and two medications used to combat an allergic reaction. My high school guidance counselor pulled my mother and I into her office about halfway through the school year and told me she didn't think I'd graduate my senior year due to being in the hospital so much. Surprisingly, that same year I graduated with honors.

#myEDSchallenge #myHSDchallenge

[ecotone99]

[SF] God Among Men

So, I recently watched the latest season of Black Mirror titled 'Smithereens' and really enjoyed the build up of the tension towards the CEO. Although I liked how the story turned out, I had a different expectation of how the ending would turn out. This is how I thought Charlie Brooker was going to end the story. The story jumps in at the moment Billy Bauer, the CEO of Smithereen, hangs up the phone with the members of the board. I would appreciate any feedback and advice as I am just starting to write short stories as a passion.

Based on an episode of Black Mirror Season 5 Episode 2: Smithereens. Imagine the episode playing out the same until we reach the point Billy Bauer hangs up on his staff to try and negotiate with Chris Gillhaney himself.

*Scene begins at the 10-day silent retreat right after Billy Bauer hangs up the phone with his board members, determined to reach out to Chris Gillhaney himself* Tipi pulls out a giant suitcase from the car and walks over to hand it to Billy. Billy, eager to get started, meets her halfway and grabs the case and walks back to his humble abode used to sequester himself from technology. He sits near the edge and unlocks the case to find his laptop ready for use. As he pulls it out and opens it up, he takes a moment to remember something while on call with the other board members. “Uh, what did Penelope say? Can you make a note for me? Christopher Michael Gillhaney.” Tipi pulls out her smartphone and begins taking notes per Billy’s request. “UK, user since '08, didn't log on for 18 months.” Tipi affirms her dictation while Billy is furiously typing on laptop. Then a moment occurs to Billy and he pauses to look up at Tipi. “Sorry, what's your name?” Surprised, Tipi replies with her name as Billy extends his hand with a cordial smile. “Hi, I'm Billy.” Tipi shakes his hand and feels special in this brief introduction. Despite all that is occurring, with two mens lives hanging in the balance, Billy still finds an opportunity to treat Tipi with respect and sincerity. This makes her question why so many of her friends and coworkers were frightened for her when she mentioned she was promoted to be Billy Bauer’s new assistant. Perhaps some of the rumors about him were not as true as she heard about through the office. She was excited, yet nervous, to start this new chapter in her life assisting the CEO of Smithereen. “Tipi, really the only good thing about my position is every once in a while I get to invoke God-mode.”, as Billy finishes this sentence, he presses enter on his keyboard starting a chain of very complex scripts that seem to connect through various satellites. *Scene switches to the car Chris Gillhaney is sitting in with Jaden, the Smithereen intern, sitting in the back, hands still tied* Chris Gillhaney’s phone rings, he stares at the number unable to recognize the caller. As exhausted as he feels, the realization that the moment he has been waiting finally arriving gives him a quick adrenaline rush and helps fight back the impending dread sitting at the bottom of his heart. Chris carefully presses ‘ACCEPT’ on his cell phone as he nervously puts it up to his ear. “Christopher? Is that Christopher? Hello?” Chris sheepishly replies, “Yea, I’m here.” Jaden in the back seat leans over a bit to get a better look at Chris, to somehow get an idea on the conversation he may be having with the founder of the most popular social media site in the world. “It’s me”, Chris softly speaks back into the phone, still unsure whether to believe who may be on the other line. “Hi. I'm Billy Bauer. You wanted to talk to me?” “I did. I did, yeah. I do.”, as Chris’ heart rate increases, he finds himself rushing in response, still in disbelief that he finally reached the reclusive man himself. “Okay, well, uh you got me on the line. Tell you what, why don't you let our guy Jaden there go and, uh you and I can just, you know, chat? We can talk about whatever it is you want.” “If I let him go, you'll hang up.” Chris retorted, refusing to fall for such a simple ploy. “I'm not gonna hang up, Christopher.” “I want you to listen to me!” “I’m listening. Let's just not blow up, okay? Let's just, you know, be calm and you'll just kind of tell me what it is that you want.” “I just told you. I want you to listen to me. Just fucking listen to me!” despite Billy’s words to ‘be calm’, this was definitely not the time to ‘be calm’. Not after all he has been through for the past year and a half. Now he was going to hear him out, fully, with all that he has to say. “I'm listening. There's no one else here. Okay, Chris? It's just it's you and me. You have my attention...Chris?” “Yeah, I'm just I'm just it's hard to get my thoughts in order. I've rehearsed this though, and I just..” the fatigue and stress of the day was starting to catch up with Chris and he was having a hard time staying focused. “Take your time, man. Just take your time.” “You run Smithereen.” Chris demanded, starting to feel the words he scripted coming back into his mind. “Uh-huh. Since 2008.” “I used to use Smithereen all the time” Now Chris was determined to state his message, the message that caused so much time, money, resources, and pain for numerous people involved on this day. On his last day. “Okay” “I mean, constantly. Like, my phone was glued to my hand. I was the whole cliche, you know, first thing I saw in the morning, last thing I saw at night. Tamsin was…” Chris broke off, filled with an intense pain that surged through his heart as he tried desperately to fight back the tears. The tears that still refused to stop after all this time. Jaden looks up to see a man continuing to deal with his own personal hell. He looks on and wonders how deep this pain goes. “Chris? I’m here” “Tasmin was the same,” fighting through the agony, Chris continued on, as he had to at this point. “She was my fiance. Three years ago I was driving home with her. We'd been visiting my mum. My mum was sick and we'd been visiting my mum and I was driving Tamsin back to our flat. She was asleep. She was tired and I'm just driving her home. And it was boring. I got bored. I got bored every ten seconds back then, I think, and I'm on this road. It was very quiet, straight...and my phone lights up and I check it. I just glanced at it, you know. There's this little notification thing saying someone liked a comment that I made about some photo of theirs. I just glanced at it, you know. That's all the time it took...” Chris pauses briefly, the damage still too real to him. “It took her two months to die. I was at her bedside. It was no use. The man in the other car died, too. He was drunk. He got the blame. They said it was him. Everyone felt sorry for me. Mr. Tragic.” *Scene switches back to Billy Bauer’s retreat destination* Tipi is still standing by Billy waiting for anything he may need, but her face looks like a combination of confusion, worry, and complete shock. As she looks on towards Billy, she notices him still frantically typing at his keyboard. At a slight angle, she can view his laptop screen. She notices a small window in the upper corner parsing Chris Gillhaney’s words into text and seemingly running various calculations underneath it in a massive tree like structure. The visualization is confusing to figure out, but from what she could tell, it seemed as if the program was figuring out the right responses and phrases to say back to Chris on the other line. What also amazes Tipi is that the program is replicating Billy Bauer’s voice and having direct communication with Chris without his knowledge. This was one of the many secret weapons at Billy Bauer’s disposale. For over a decade, he pooled company resources to research how to leverage machine language to not only mimic any person on earth, but to also have fluent conversations with others without their knowledge. This program passed any Turing test known to man. It even helped boost his popularity around the world as once this technology was advanced enough, Billy mostly held public interviews and meetings through phone calls. This allowed him to spend more time on more interesting endeavors rather than putting on 'public performances to the media', as he would put it. Although, those who work closely with him believe this caused him to become more detached from society. “My god, this man’s taste in music is just….ooff”, Billy spoke to no one in particular. He was sifting through, dissecting, investigating this shattered hostage taker’s Smithereen profile. He was trying to understand Chris’ mind, thought patterns, characteristics, anything he could use to end this situation, anything to help exploit him. “Mmm, no siblings, mother deceased, father still lives close by. Quite a recluse now I see. Hrmm, maybe we could…”, as Billy trailed off he started opening up a new window on his laptop and typing furiously what looks like code for a script that Tipi could not fathom to understand. Likely, most other programmers could not either. Tipi receives a phone call and leans over to Billy in a whisper, “It’s Pen.” Billy waves her off as he continues typing, in deep concentration. “She is insisting not to do this ag…”, before Tipi could finish her sentence, Billy gives a look to Tipi that stops her mid sentence. She could not quite put it into words, but the intense, brooding glare he gives up at her says something more, something worse if she disobeyed. “I am sorry, but Mr Bauer is currently indisposed at the moment. I will let him know you called the moment he has a chance.” As Tipi hung up the phone, Billy slightly nods and continues to feverishly write out what now looks like a number of scripts waiting for execution. “I killed her over a fucking dog photo!”, Chris sobs into the phone as he finally pours the deepest darkest secret of his heart out to the CEO, or so he thinks. “I killed her over that.”, as Chris finishes his story, silence takes over the phone call. As he wipes tears from his eyes, he beckons “are...are you still there? Did my fuckin sob story put you to sleep?” “I am still here, Chris,'' replies the machine language program. “I never left, I’m just listening to you, that's all. You must be dealing with so much guilt and shame from all of this. Like, you’re all alone with this burden and can’t tell anyone with what you’re going through for fear they will judge you. That they will not understand you. Judge you, like the terrible person you believe you are. Am I right in thinking this?” Chris is in shock to hear all his emotions and pain get reflected back to him so clearly and concisely, he nervously replies “y-y-yeah! It’s been just so fuckin hard, you know!?” The program picks up the subtle inflection change in Chris’ voice to realize its reaching out to him and pushes forward with its message. “And not to mention the amount of grief you must feel for the lost of your one true love.” In the background, sobbing is heard through the receiver. “That sounds so heartbreaking. You have endured so much through the fault of this app, and for that, I am truly, truly sorry for your loss. But you are not alone, Chris” “Yes, I am! I did this! It was my fault!” “You are not. I have lost someone deeply as well. Someone very close to me” *Scene switches back to the car with Chris sitting inside listening very intently* Jaden perks up upon hearing this new information from a man who very much values his privacy. Chris, taken aback, questions him, “what? What do you mean?” “I have also lost someone, Chris” “Don’t fuck with me, Billy! I won’t hesitate! I’ll shoot this fuckin’ intern right between the eyes, I swear to god! I swear if you’re lying to me!”, Chris, emotionally drained, cannot stand anymore disappointments at this point. Calmly, the program replies, “I am not, Chris. I would not lie to you. Her name was Abby. We were in love. This was before Smithereen, back when I was a freshman in college. I was deeply in love with her.” After a small pause, Chris started to become curious, “how…” “How can you know I am not lying? Go ahead, look her up”. As the program was speaking these lines to Chris, a plethora of other scripts, outside of Billy’s work, started executing. “Her name was Abby Leauril, that is spelled L-e-a-u-r-i-l. I’ll wait” Chris put the phone away from his ear and did a search. “She’s not on here, you fucking liar!” “No, she was never on Smithereen. Try searching on the web instead, Chris” Chris proceeded to open a browser and did a search on the woman and found some relevant information related to the program’s message. In disbelief he remarked, “it says here she’s dead...by suicide.” “Yes, Chris. She was chronically depressed. And no amount of therapy, drugs, or loving support and encouragement from myself could make her believe she was not alone. In the end, she took her life and I blamed myself. I blamed myself for not finding more ways to help her feel connected. And that is why I built Smithereen” “...really?”, Chris sheepishly asked, unsure of how to take such a deep, personal story from the CEO of the biggest company in the world. *Scene switches back to Billy’s location and focuses on Tipi* “Really, Chris.”, replied the program empathetically. Tipi, upon hearing this, become quite baffled upon hearing this story. She had every right to be in disbelief, since in preparation for this position, she did a deep analysis of Billy Bauer’s life in order to better serve his needs and she knows very well that Billy dropped out of college halfway into his first semester to continue writing an application he had already started in high school. In fact, Billy never really had any girlfriends, at least not until he become incredibly rich and famous. Yet, upon pulling out her phone and doing a cursory search, there she was, this obituary of Abby Leauril popped up at the first search result. How odd that such an unknown figure would have their obituary show at the number one search result. And then it dawned on her how sophisticated this machine language program could act. During their conversation, the program created a completely false person, generated a fake obituary, and, upon closer inspection, a full backstory with several other links relating to her passion for poetry, trips with friends going snowboarding, and even pictures that must have been generated as well. Such complex actions took this program mere seconds to generate and Chris had no clue how all of this was fabricated. “So, Chris, as you can see you are not alone. I also blamed myself for her death, but that was not true. There are situations in life we just cannot control and it took many years of coping, meditation, and therapy to help me realize that. Do you see a therapist, Chris?” “No, no I don’t, and it really won’t fuckin matter at this point”, Chris replied dejected and depleated. “Why do you say that?” “Come off it! Because there is no tomorrow after what I’ve done here today. Don’t play like there is any other end to this than what we know is going to happen” “Chris, what if I said I could get you out of this? No jail time, walk away scot free, would you want that?” *Scene switches back to the car* A long pause hovers over the phone call. Chris and Jaden are both stupefied upon hearing such an incredulous proposition. Billy Bauer may be the CEO of a giant corporation, but even businessmen must obey government laws. Also, Billy resides in America and could no way have any leeway over UK jurisdiction. “Chris? Chris, are you still there? I hope you did not fall asleep on me, haha”, the program chimed into the receiver, attempting to continue the rapport it was building with Chris. “But….that’s..” “Impossible? Maybe for you, but c’mon, Chris, you’re talking to Billy fuckin’ Bauer! But I can only make this work if you agree to let Jaden here go. Will you agree to that?” Hesitantly, Chris replied, “H-how can you do that? You can’t do that, can you?” “One sec, I’ll get my lawyer on the phone…”, the program replies as it generates a new voice and background information while Chris waits patiently thinking Billy is calling this other person. “Hello, this is the law office of Mr. Ray Billebu, how may I assist your call today?” a kind receptionist responds into the phone. “Hey, its Billy, get Ray on the phone, please. Its urgent” “Oh, of course, Mr. Bauer. I will put you right through” A few moments pass and another voice generated by the program begins to speak. “Hey, Billy? I’m here, what’s up?” “Have you been following the news?” “Yea, I am up to speed” “So, I am on the phone now with Chris. He’s been great to talk to, just a little down on his lucky lately. Any chance we can help him out of this situation?” “Hrmm, that’s going to be tough. I know some higher up fellas though over in the UK police department that owe me a favor. Is he on the phone? Chris? Are you there?” “Ye-yes! Yea, I’m here”, Chris stammers, almost unable to process what he was hearing on the phone. Who is this Ray Billebu? Does he really have this kind of pull? The whole situation sounds almost too ridiculous, but before he can think this through, ‘Ray’ interrupts his train of thought. “Ok, so I may be able to pull a few strings, but I already know they’re going to ask this. Will you release the hostage if I can broker you a deal?” A momentary lull hits in the car, yet it feels like an eternity as Jaden leans in slightly wondering if his nightmare may end here soon. Chris almost cannot respond given how quickly this whole scenario suddenly is playing out. And as if on cue, the program chimes in as Billy, “Look, I know this is a lot to deal with right now, but I promise you, we are going to set you up with the best therapists, psychologists, massagists, whatever! Hahaha. The point is, you have a second chance here, Chris. A real chance. Isn’t that what Tasmin and your mother would want for you now? To move on from this and to have a real fulfilling life? To forgive yourself?” As the program states this, Chris can feel his tears rolling down his face once again. He almost forgot about the recent loss of his mother. All the love and care they provided him seemed to flood back, followed by a torrential betrayal of remembering they were gone. Gone forever. But perhaps, if Billy is right, this does not have to be forever. “Al….alright. I will let him go. I was gonna do it anyways, so that’s fine. If you can get me off…..I’ll let him go” *Scene switches back to the police officer, Linda Grace, continuing to observe the hostage situation* Inside the police car, the officer next to her nudges her to get her attention. Linda looks up, and rushes to open the door to take a better look. She starts giving cautionary demands to the force to be on the lookout in case the perpetrator attempts to do something suddenly. She almost cannot believe it, but she is watching the Smithereen intern exiting the vehicle, arms raised high, walking right towards them to safety. *Scene switches back to Chris inside the car* Chris looks at the rearview mirror and witnesses Jaden getting taken in by the police officers. As nervous as he feels, there is a small gleam of hope in his heart. That possibly amidst all this madness there may actually be a road to redemption for himself. It is the first time he has allowed such a feeling and he cannot believe it came about in the strangest series of events. He did not care, as he thought about Tasmin, he realized from here on out he was going to try and do better. Do better in this world, to help people make better decisions. It would be a long hard road, but he knew that is how he would honor the memory of his dear beloved. Just then, he could hear laughing over the phone line, Billy sounded quite jovial...a bit too much so. “Hahahaha, wow, I just cannot understand how people like this pile of shit. Do you really listen to this? I mean, I have been trying to, but I just….I can’t! Oh god, it is so awful” Chris is thoroughly confused, Billy’s demeanor and cadence has taken a completely different turn. As he continues to try and understand this shift, the truth slowly starts to loom in. “Did they just say ‘my whole heart is all yours?’”, Billy questioned, to no one in particular. “Talk about some pretty weak mess. I have been trying for the past 20 minutes to get into this, but I just...wow. You really should have killed yourself ages ago just for listening to this remedial tripe. That’s probably what killed her, isn’t it? You were playing this pussy shit in the background and you all just fell asleep trying to keep up! Hahaha! And if that car didn’t do it, I bet she was already ready to slit her wrists from having to bear through this dog turd of a song. Oh. My. God….its just...so…” “What did you... what did you say about my wife?!”, Chris interrupts, his face turning more serious as the rage in his heart starts to boil up. Not realizing the full gravity of the situation he is in. “But seriously, your taste in music? Sucks. But I don’t know what else I would expect from someone who wanks it to furry porn”, Billy continued on, giving no mind to Chris’ question. “What are you...I don’t! Wank it to furry porn! Why in the bloody…” “June 8th, 2 minutes and 34 seconds. I mean, perhaps you were just curious, but let’s be honest. That’s enough time to let one go for you. And hey, I’m not judging! I am actually impressed! I figured you to be 1 minute, 130 max. Kudos, my man, kudos. Hahahah!” “Now, you listen here! You don’t get to rummage through my life like that and you sure as shit don’t get to say those things about my wife!” “Ah, but she wasn’t really your wife, right? Remember? Because you killed her before you could actually get married? I mean, c’mon man! You’re doing all this for her and you can’t even fucking remember whether you got married?! Hahaha, god, you all are such complete imbeciles! Seriously!” “How dare you say such things to me! How dare…” “No, how dare you! And, just because of that, boom there it goes.” In the background, Chris could slightly here a tap go off, almost indistinct, but definitely pressed with determined force. It almost sounded like a key pressing down on a keyboard. “You still scoping out your feedback over on the app? Why not go take another look. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.” Chris, still enraged and very perplexed by what is transpiring with his conversation with Billy, pulls his phone down and starts sifting through Smithereen’s data feed. On the screen he can see messages such as ‘Breaking News: Chris Gillhaney’s Mother a Drug Dealer’, ‘Hostage Taker’s Mum Dealt Drugs to Little Kids’, ‘Psycho Son’s Mother Killed Herself Rather Than Go To Jail’. Chris’ eyes widened as his heart rate spikes into trembling with fear. Trembling like his hands, as he can barely keep them still as he views the comments ravaging his poor mother. After a few more comments, he cannot look anymore and pulls the phone slowly back to his ear, slowly starting to feel the ominous weight Billy projects onto his victims. “Why?....why would you do this to her? She…..she had nothing to do with this”, Chris pleads for answers as tears start flowing from his eyes in shameful pain. “Why? I did this just to show you how serious I am.” Billy coldly and calmly replies. “But you didn’t have to do this. I released him. What about the deal?” “Yeaaa, that wasn’t even me.” “What are you on about? I heard you!”, Chris exclaims, desperately trying to keep mind within reality. “Oh, you did, but that wasn’t me. Yea, that was a little pet project of mine. What you heard was a fake. An algorithm. It's able to replicate my voice and was able to pool together the best psychologists, sociologists, negotiators, and mental health experts throughout all of time to figure out the best way to reach you. To figure you out. To get under your skin, so you could bend and move the way I wanted you. And it worked! Well, it always does” “But if it can do….this whatever, then why post all this God awful lies about my mum? Why?!”, Chris yelled into the phone, hoping to find some reason to this real trend of madness that was coming onto him. “Oh, this? This is just for fun! Sometimes I like to still get hands on from time to time. Honestly, I couldn’t give a shit about that intern fuck. He’s going to get fired, that’s for sure. I can’t have some idiot getting taken captive by some societal fuck up like you. That’s just….oof. So low” “But why? Why are you doing this to me? I don’t under…” *Scene switches to Billy’s location, a close up is on his face as he stands up* “Because, Chris, no one, and I mean NO ONE, gets to fuck with my 10 day silent retreat!” “Your what retr…” “You don’t get to come along and pitch your whiny, bullshit sob story for offing yourself and fuck with my week while you’re at it! There are consequences to your actions! You would’ve done yourself a lot of good by just putting that bullet in your head when your whore of a fiancee... “Hey! Hey, don’t you dare speak to her…” “YOUR WHORE OF A FIANCE and expect to just have some nice casual conversation with the CEO of the largest fucking company in the goddamn world! You don’t! Do *lightly laughs*...do you have any idea how little your life is worth to me? I know the real name of the prostitute that the chancellor of Germany uses on a daily basis. I can pinpoint within a day the moment an assassination attempt occurs throughout Russia. With a snap of a finger, I could change an entire young generations music fad into some other derivative horse garbage. Last week I gave up the identities of several members of a resistant group in a country in exchange for exclusive rights for our app to get used in the country. The stupid fucks don’t even realize we’ll own them too by the end of the year! This phone call alone made me trillions. Your pathetic porn habits are meaningless to me. Your existence is just a sputtering hiccup that should have never happened. Now, here is what I am going to do, you either go ahead and finish the job that drunk fuck up couldn’t do properly or I am going to tell the WHOLE WORLD that you organized a kiddie sex dungeon. You have 1 minute to decide or else. I hope this was worth it, you worthless piece of shit!” *Credits start to roll* *Scene shows two teenagers live streaming the car, a loud gunshot is heard in the distance. The teenager holding the phone looks slightly distraught as he slowly lowers his phone* *Scene switches to officer Linda Grace, steadily watching the car, suddenly looks more intense and steps slightly forward. She pulls out her radio to hear confirmation of what she thinks she witnessed. Next to her, another officer hears a notification go off on his phone and pulls it out to read. As he skims through the headline, he looks ghostly white as he slowly comes up to Linda and nudges her to look down. She peers over to view the screen and quickly looks up at the car with a menacing stare* *Scene switches to the board room, as Penelope, Shonelle, and Don wait nervously for feedback from Billy. They all receive a notification at once and immediately check their phones. Each of them have a distraught look over their face. Immediately after, another notification chimes in. Shonelle covers her mouth in horror. Penelope struggles to keep her composure as she reads through the entirety of the article. Don merely blurts out in frustration, “that son of a bitch did it ag...!” Refusing to allow his emotions take hold, he cuts off the sentence and instead clenches his phone with both heads, pretending they are grabbing someone else* *Scene returns to Billy’s retreat, focused on Tipi* Tipi looks on towards Billy as he walked away, carrying the laptop in one hand, when speaking with Chris personally. She is quite unnerved after hearing Billy’s inflection and tone of voice turn quite vitriolic over in the distance. Billy was walking back, already finished with his call with Chris when a couple notifications went off on her phone. She only has time to briefly read a couple of the breaking news headlines, but she was able to process “Suicide” and “Child Sex Offender”. The full spectrum of the situation suddenly dawned on her in horror when contemplating the actions she just witnessed along with these recent headlines. A surreal clarity breaks through in her mind when piecing together her cursory understanding of Billy’s character. With no peers to keep him in check, no authority to put him in his place, no morality to keep him straight, he is a God among men. One who rules ruthlessly and carelessly with ceaseless abandonment to goodwill for no other benefit than his own. He is more feared than the devil himself, for Billy is only human, yet his realness shows the sobering truth; deep within, any one of us could become him. “Water, please?”, Billy asks, in a very cordial manner. Tipi barely has time to let this recent discovery sink in before she goes on autopilot and hands him a water bottle from some place she cannot remember. “Thank you”, remarks Billy as he is packing away his laptop into the suitcase. “Let Pen know the situation is resolved and Jaden was unharmed.” “Y-yes, Mr. Bauer”, Tipi timidly responds. “Oh, and also tell her that Jaden is fired, once he recuperates, of course. Give it, uhhhhhh, a few weeks? Then let him go.” “.....yes, Mr. Bauer” Billy is very calm and loose as he is closing the suitcase with his laptop inside. He hands the case over to Tipi, without a care in the world from the look in his eyes. As Tipi grabs the handle, Billy holds onto it a bit longer, looking her peacefully in her eyes. “You’re from Chicago, right?” Tipi is taken aback, a mixture of surprise and slight fear dawns on her by him somehow already knowing her background. She slightly nods, her mind still too paralyzed from the events that have taken place recently. “Stanford as well? Top of your class? Your mother must have been so proud, especially since she raised you all on her own. College never really made much sense to me, but I always admire those who work hard to better themselves, against all odds. I am impressed with all that you managed to accomplish in your life, Tipi”. Billy looks at her and gives a warm, seemingly genuine smile towards her. Tipi, a bit flattered that despite this possible invasive breach of her privacy, that he recognizes the real value she admires in herself. Slightly flustered, she replies, “Thank you...Mr Bauer” As Billy is about to let go of the case, he proclaims, still with his affectionate smile across his face, “please, call me Billy”

submitted by /u/rodion-raskolnikov-0 [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2GsKiJR