#and i think it's why her songwriting has improved further

[taylorftparamore]

i think it's interesting because "down bad" sounds like it could be about any breakup, and taylor specifically describes it as an "alien encounter" and fictional. i think this is proof that folkmore & midnights were the biggest lunge forward for her creativity as a storyteller - using foundational inspirations (reality) to create the bridge to fiction. taylor has written about other people's experiences before, heavily fictionalizing reality on debut ("mary's song") and further expunged upon the ekphrastic in "love story" but folkmore and midnights were the first time it was explicitly fictional/exploring her own past creations.

"down bad" and "the albatross" and "cassandra" all utilize previous songwriting techniques of fictionalizing reality and creating with motifs to literature.

[aasthakumariyer]

Practical Coursework Journal (Reflection Journal) - Year 3 Final Semester

Week 2:

Last week marked the beginning of the second semester of my third year, and it was pivotal in shaping my journey toward the final recital performance. This second week started off with Sara's class and I delved into a thorough vocal warm-up routine, which helped warm up my voice and also go over the vocal techniques again. 

After the vocal warm-up, Sara outlined the requirements for the recital performance. She urged me to assemble a band and commence the process of selecting songs for the repertoire. Thankfully, during the winter break, I worked on making new songs, in addition to retaining four songs from the previous semester.

As Sara and I discussed the potential setlist, I found myself leaning towards utilizing the songs that I sang last semester alongside the newer compositions I had been refining. However, I felt a bit uncertain about the recently created songs. I spoke to Sara about my intention to think it through and also what to see the new songs I come up with over this semester.

This juncture served as a moment of reflection, where I want to make sure that each song conveys my artistic expression. I wanted to remain open to exploration and want to have a good recital performance.

Week 3: After my initial session with Sara, I reached out to my bandmates to confirm their availability for the upcoming performance. Meanwhile, I began brainstorming new ideas for songs.

My songwriting process typically starts with thinking about a theme or emotion I want to talk about before writing my lyrics and composing music. So often, inspiration strikes while watching TV shows—whether it's a character's dialogue, a scene, or even just the title of the show. As I get ideas from TV shows I ensure that the ideas I choose resonate with me personally, as it's crucial for me to feel connected to the lyrics I write.

In my second year, I found myself putting a lot of pressure on myself when it came to songwriting, which affected my confidence to sing on stage. However, over the winter break, I dedicated time to learning and practicing, and I've noticed a significant improvement. Now songwriting has become more enjoyable, and ideas now flow naturally without feeling forced.

During our second session, I shared a couple of new songs with Sara, "Worth the Wait" and "This Way." Her feedback was encouraging—she appreciated my songwriting style and the direction my music was taking. Her words validated my identity as an artist and gave me the confidence to explore songwriting further.

Through this process of discussing my new songs, I had a brief conversation with Sara through which I learned an important lesson during this session: the value of taking feedback selectively. While Sara's comments were useful, I realized that ultimately, it's up to me to decide how I want my songs to sound. This was a new concept for me, as I've always been accustomed to incorporating every piece of feedback or comment I receive. Learning to trust my instincts and make decisions that align with my artistic vision was more important. It's a new skill I'm eager to develop further as I continue to grow as a musician.

Week 4:

During this week's session, I started with my vocal warm-ups as usual. Sara then asked me to bring in some songs I wanted to work on together to refine my vocal techniques. It's been quite a journey for me to grasp these techniques, especially since I come from a background in Indian Classical music. It wasn't until my summer break in 2023 that I really began to understand them fully. That's why I make it a point to do Monday's personal practice of vocal warm-ups in class with her to ensure I'm on the right track.

Sara has been incredibly supportive and patient throughout this process. She truly understands me as a student, and I'm grateful for her guidance in teaching me vocal techniques that I can also apply to my Indian Classical training.

During today's session, I shared with Sara a Hindi song I've been practicing at home called "Sau Aasmaan." Additionally, she asked me to revisit another Hindi song, "Raabta," which I hadn't felt confident about in the past. I used to struggle with it a lot, and it was a song I tried to avoid because of that. But today, I approached it with a different mindset. I realized that avoiding a song won't help me improve—it's better to face it head-on and work through the challenges.

Link for Sau Aasmaan:

Link for Raabta (female version):

With Sara's guidance, I sang both songs with karaoke tracks, and I was pleasantly surprised. "Raabta," which used to be a struggle, felt much easier this time. Having a better grasp of vocal techniques made a significant difference. While there were still areas to improve upon, it was clear that my efforts in mastering the techniques were paying off. This session served as a reminder of the importance of facing challenges rather than avoiding them. It was a valuable opportunity to apply what I've been learning and receive immediate feedback on my progress.

Week 5:

By this week, I had added a few more new songs to my repertoire, including "Worth the Wait" and "This Way," which I performed at the Friday pop workshop. Interestingly, while "Worth the Wait" felt solid, "This Way" left me feeling a bit uncertain due to its unconventional structure. Recognizing this, I decided to make new songs that better aligned with my vision.

"Worth the Wait" is about learning to understand that through waiting you can get the best and learn to wait and pray for love.

"This Way" is about me being an introverted person. My reference song for this song was a song from the Netflix movie "Purple Hearts" and the song was "Feel It Still" by Sophie Carson.

Link to Feel it Still:

I shared the video of my Friday performance with Sara, seeking her feedback. After some discussion and reflection, I made the decision to include "Worth the Wait" in my setlist. Additionally, I introduced Sara to my latest creation, "Dancing under the Moonlight," a song that deviated from my usual style but still was very close to my writing style. My inspiration sparked after coming across a picture of the autumn season when I stumbled upon a captivating image. In the picture, the road was blanketed with vibrant autumn leaves, illuminated by the soft glow of streetlights. That scene sparked an idea in my mind: a tender moment where a girl dances with her love beneath the flickering light of a streetlamp on a crisp autumn night. My vocal style for this song was completely different and the inspiration for the vocal style was the Korean song "Villan" by Stella Jang.

Link of the song Villian:

Sara's encouragement and support were invaluable—she expressed genuine happiness at witnessing my growth both vocally and in my songwriting journey over the past few months.

I explained to Sara my intention to incorporate "Dancing under the Moonlight" into my setlist, recognizing its unique contribution to showcasing my artistic evolution. Sara's guidance has consistently pushed me to strive for excellence. Through my years at Lasalle and under Sara’s guidance, I've come to realize the importance of embracing feedback and criticism. In the past, I was hesitant to accept critique and wasn't very open-minded about getting feedback from anyone fearing it would impede my progress. However, through experiences like performing at Lasalle's Friday performances, I've learned to view criticism as a catalyst for growth. Each instance of feedback, whether positive or constructive, represents a step forward in my journey as an artist, helping me understand my strengths and weaknesses more deeply. It's a journey of self-acceptance and continuous improvement that I'm grateful to be on.

Week 6:

Over the weekend, I started working on a new song called "Day Dreamer," which I shared with Sara during our session this week.

The reference for this song was a Turkish drama romantic-comedy drama called "Erkenci Kuş" which translates to Day Dreamer, I kind of used that idea and made this song. This song is about a girl just daydreaming about the person she loves. For my song, the first half of the song refers to the Turkish drama and the second refers to a Chinese drama called "Amidst the Snowstorm of Love" which is a romantic and sports drama.

Her feedback was positive overall, but she pointed out some things that could be changed like in the tune of the second verse compared to the first. She suggested making some adjustments to ensure consistency and enhance the memorability of the melody for both verses. 

Taking Sara's advice, after class I revisited the second verse and made some changes. I kept the chords and melody the same for the first half but introduced some variations to bring freshness to the song. This change not only addressed Sara's feedback but also added depth to the composition, especially since the song lacked a bridge.

Later in the week, I had the opportunity to perform "Day Dreamer" at the Friday Pop workshop. The reception was fantastic, with everyone enjoying the catchy chorus and praising the songwriting. It was encouraging to receive such positive feedback, not only for this song but for all the songs I've been working on recently.

Throughout this process, I've learned to balance hard work and enjoyment in songwriting. It's essential to put in the effort to learn and practice, but equally important is to maintain a sense of enjoyment and avoid putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I've noticed that when I approach songwriting with joy and passion, it reflects in the final product—there's a certain energy and authenticity that shines through in the lyrics. It's a lesson I carry with me each time I embark on a new songwriting journey.

Week 7:

This week, I finally solidified my band lineup. It took some time, especially with the drummer situation, but I managed to find a replacement who could commit to playing with us. The process of reaching out to potential band members was quite stressful for me, highlighting the importance of having a network of contacts in the music industry. It's clear to me now how valuable those connections can be in times of need.

Once the band was finalized, I communicated with each member to coordinate rehearsal dates that suited everyone's availability. After some discussion, we settled on scheduling our rehearsals for Fridays from 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm. This allowed us to secure a practice room and ensure everyone could attend without any conflicts.

With the rehearsal schedule in place, I turned my attention to finalizing the setlist. After careful consideration, I made my decisions and shared the song drafts with the band. Providing them with access to the songs beforehand allowed everyone to familiarize themselves with the material, ensuring a productive rehearsal session.

Reflecting on the week's activities, I've learned the importance of effective communication and organization when managing a band. By staying proactive and keeping everyone informed. 

Week 8:

This week, most classes were put on hold for project week, but I still had a session with Sara. Since there was one class from last semester that hadn't been used, Sara suggested we could either have a recital rehearsal or focus on vocal warm-ups. So I worked on vocal warms. During my personal practice, I started working on all my songs for the recital so that I remember the lyrics for the performance. 

This week, I had my panel presentation, and I was pleasantly surprised by how much smoother the feedback session went compared to last semester. It was a huge relief to hear that my work was clear and well-defined.

The main suggestion I received was to ensure that my topic, "Hindu devotional music and its effects on the human mind," can be understood by someone who isn't familiar with Hinduism. Additionally, I was advised to present my points as objectively as possible. These insights will help me refine my work and make it more accessible to a broader audience.

Week 9:

This week, I focused on refining my rock song "Teen Days," which is part of my recital setlist. I've been stuck with this song since the winter break, often feeling stuck and unsure of how to proceed. After some searching, I thought I found a helpful reference song which was a J-pop song "Damn" by Fujii Kaze, but it didn't quite fit the band setup or the vibe I wanted. However, during Thursday's pop workshop rehearsal, I stumbled upon another rock song which is a Hindi Bollywood song called "Pichle Saat Dinon Mein" which had the right feel and setup, which proved to be a great source of inspiration.

The song references links: 1. "Damn" by Fujii Kaze -

2. "Pichle Saat Dinon Mein" from the movie Rock On -

During the Friday pop workshop, I performed "Teen Days" and received constructive criticism that could enhance the song. Admittedly, rock isn't my usual style, and I've noticed myself straining my voice to match the intensity I think the genre requires. Taking these comments into account, I began exploring other rock songs to better understand the genre.

During this exploration, I revisited a song my father and his cousins had composed in their mid-20s. Over the winter break, I heard the original version and felt inspired to remake it, tweaking chords and lyrics to improve its flow. This week, I worked on a draft of the song and received positive feedback from my family. I also sought Sara's opinion, who appreciated the simplicity of the song but noted that the lyrics didn't quite align with my usual style—a point I agreed with. Since this isn't my original song, I aim to maintain its authenticity while enhancing certain aspects to elevate it.

After carefully making my songs and understanding the different styles I have written in and worked around, I plan to continue exploring these styles even more and understanding how they fit into English pop music writing. I'm also eager to delve into writing more in Hindi, and I aim to incorporate elements of pop and Indian vocal styles into my music. It's a journey of self-discovery and artistic exploration that I'm excited to embark on.

Week 10:

During this week, I scheduled my first band rehearsal for Friday, so during Monday's session with Sara, we went through my song list together and got all my chord charts corrected. I wanted to make sure the chord charts for the band were clear and easy to understand. It was important for me that the band members could grasp the songs properly. Sara suggested starting the rehearsal with the three old songs from last semester which were "Live the Fullest", "Tere Sang" and "Hopeless Romantic" to refresh our memories before diving into the four new ones. Surprisingly, during the rehearsal, we managed to go through five songs smoothly. Despite having a new drummer in the band, everyone adapted quickly and played their parts well. For the new songs, like "Worth the Wait," which had only been recorded acoustically before, I closely worked with the band to see how they would sound in a full setup. I felt confident in the outcome, knowing that each member of the band was skilled in their instrument.

I made sure to listen to their suggestions and ideas during the rehearsal, and understanding that this was an opportunity for me to learn and grow before stepping into the music industry. Over the past three years at Lasalle, I've had the chance to work with students from various musical backgrounds. This experience taught me the importance of clear communication within a band. When everyone understands their roles and communicates effectively, the result is a cohesive performance that reflects the vision of the song. I've also learned the importance of voicing my opinions and ideas within the band. If I'm not comfortable with a certain aspect of the music, it's essential to speak up. This ensures that I enjoy singing the song and that the performance truly represents me as an artist.

Being in an environment surrounded by talented individuals has undoubtedly helped me grow artistically. Each interaction and collaboration has contributed to my development, shaping me into a more confident and communicative musician.

Week 11:

This week, I arranged the second band rehearsal, focusing on working on the last two songs in my setlist: "Dancing under the Moonlight" and "Day Dreamer." During my Monday session with Sara, we went over the chord charts for these songs, making necessary changes and corrections to ensure clarity. Unfortunately, the drummer couldn't make it to the rehearsal, so we worked on a rough draft of the songs and recorded our progress. I then shared the recordings with the drummer to give him an idea of the song structures and the tone we were aiming for in each piece.

Despite the absence of our drummer, the rehearsal proceeded smoothly. We managed to work through the songs effectively, and they were beginning to take shape just as I had envisioned. It was a satisfying experience to see everything coming together, and I felt optimistic about our progress.

Reflecting on the rehearsal, I realized the importance of adaptability and teamwork in a band setting. Despite facing a challenge, we found a solution and continued to make progress toward our goal.

Week 12:

Today was a busy day as Sara graciously accommodated two sessions to assist me with my 3rd recital rehearsal. I had requested some extra time during our usual session for vocal warm-ups and practice.

During our regular session time, we focused on vocal warm-ups and improvising out the tricky parts of some songs where I had been struggling. It was a productive session, and I felt more confident in those challenging sections afterward.

Then came the rehearsal with Sara observing for an hour. With my band, we started by tackling the songs that posed vocal challenges. Sara provided feedback not only on my vocals but also on areas where the band could enhance their performance. Her insights were invaluable and helped us refine the songs further.

Once Sara left, with the band I went through the remaining songs. While there were still some areas where the band could practice a bit more, overall, it felt like we were on the right track. Reflecting on the day's rehearsals, I appreciate Sara's guidance and the opportunity to fine-tune our songs. Each rehearsal brings us closer to delivering a good performance at the recital.

Week 13:

In today's session with Sara, I felt the need for a vocal reset. Ever since my third rehearsal, I've been experiencing strain while singing. During rehearsals, I tend to push my vocals, singing loudly over the band, which has led to issues with my voice. Sara suggested a change in approach, advising me to refrain from singing excessively during rehearsals. Instead, she emphasized the importance of allowing the band to focus on refining their parts without straining my voice.

After the vocal reset, we concentrated on three specific songs: "Live the Fullest," "Hopeless Romantic," and "Teen Days." These songs hold significance as they are the first three in my setlist and have been causing strain on my vocals. The primary goal of today's session was to regain control and sing these songs with ease.

Through continued practice and Sara's guidance, I worked on singing these songs without exerting unnecessary pressure on my voice. It was a reminder of the importance of prioritizing vocal health in my rehearsals. Moving forward, I'll be mindful of striking the right balance between vocal intensity and preservation, ensuring that I can deliver my best performance while safeguarding my voice.

This week, we had our fourth recital band rehearsal, and the main goal was to run through the songs in the order I had planned for the performance. It turned out to be a successful rehearsal, as all the band members were well-prepared and clear about their parts. Any confusion was resolved.

I’m pleased to say that we accomplished our objective efficiently, wrapping up the rehearsal in just one hour as I had hoped. It was reassuring to see everyone working together seamlessly, and it boosted my confidence in our readiness for the upcoming recital. Reflecting on this rehearsal, it's evident that our hard work and dedication are paying off. Now I current have one final recital rehearsal on 12th April which will be basically to go through all the songs properly and try timing the whole thing so that I am aware of how long it will take. 

As I reached the end of the final week of the Pop workshop, I couldn't help but pause and reflect on the profound growth and learning that have marked my three-year journey at Lasalle. It's been a journey of transformation.

Throughout the first two years, I had the opportunity to explore a multitude of genres, experimenting with different styles and sounds. This exploration was crucial in helping me discover my own unique voice and artistic identity by year three. I'm deeply grateful for this period of exploration, as it laid the foundation for me to truly understand and embrace the style that best suits my vocals.

Moreover, the collaborative nature of the various workshops I have been a part of allowed me to connect with various musicians, each bringing their own expertise and perspective. These collaborations have not only enriched my musical understanding but have also taught me the importance of teamwork and communication in creating music at a professional level.

As I look back on this journey, feel grateful for all the opportunities I've been given and the lessons I've learned. It's been a privilege to immerse myself in the rich language of music and to grow alongside such talented individuals. All these experiences and connections that have shaped me into the artist I am today.

[independentartistbuzz]

7 From the Women with Ann Gray

Ann Gray is the rising indie folk and pop singer/songwriter, who has recently released a series of singles from her upcoming debut album. She already has a few successes under her belt as the winner of the 2021 TasteBreakers Music Contest. Ann Gray’s eclectic debut EP “Foolish,” received glowing reviews and regional acclaim, picking up a Veer Music Award nomination for “Best Acoustic/Folk.” Her songs pair the whimsy of youth with the complicated nature of growing up in the modern age.

We got the chance to speak with the impressive musician about her music and career in this edition of 7 From the Women. So, without further ado, let’s dive in:

What Have You Been Working To Promote Lately?

Some of the main things that I’ve been working to promote lately are my more  recent singles, including “City of a Million,” “21st Century,” and “Teenage Rebel,” all of which are going to be featured on my debut album entitled The Half of It.  This specific collection of work serves as a sort of poetic narration of my life  over the course of about two or so years, with the name stemming from the idea  that even despite the in-depth descriptions woven into the rhymes and harmonies of it, it barely even borders on fully encapsulating “the half of it.”  

“21st Century”: https://open.spotify.com/track/7KVeAklogTAhH9SlSnaAfz?si=8cfc12c014af40a0

“City of a Million”: https://open.spotify.com/track/3yyEplEkQMbiNjgSkpxxaI?si=9f23a43f638e4a4a

“Teenage Rebel”: https://open.spotify.com/track/0D9POFLcSyqhF42Cz5K3DU?si=3fa4c8bb826941e8

Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded, or produced by  another woman and why it’s meaningful to you  

I thought about this question for a good while, and I ultimately ended up scrolling through my “looks like I’m crying again” playlist in an attempt to find some sort  of answer to such a notorious question for musicians, which I like to compare to  asking a parent to name their favorite child and why. But me and the voices in  my head eventually unanimously decided upon one of my favorite songs of all  time: “First Day of My Life” by Bright Eyes. I think there’s something so utterly  special in a song that can make you both cry tears of joy or sadness depending  on the day, and the truly honest narrative and lyrics never fail to hit a little too  deeply. It’s one of those songs that I often catch myself listening to in a dark car  on the way home from some sort of long night, often just kind of reminding me  to slow down sometimes and really take in what’s presently going on around  me, especially since I can often tend to get so engulfed by ambitions and  external validation. This really hits close to home on the line “but I’d rather be  working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery,” and on another note, I  often find myself thinking of one of my best friends, Zoe, and just the way she  makes life so much more of a beautiful, glistening, and hopeful thing to live.  (haha she doesn’t know I’m writing this lol) 

What does it mean to you to be a woman making music/in the music  business today and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create  messages and themes in your music?  

Being a woman in the music industry, especially at such a young age, has  definitely posed its challenges at points. I often tend to channel these emotions  though, as I often do, through my music itself, especially in one of my more recent songs, 21st Century. I wrote this piece during a particularly strong rush of frustration with the constant and ever-changing ideals that we, as teenagers  growing up in this specific time period, are expected to aspire to and achieve. Especially with the growing presence of social media and lifestyle influencers, we’re constantly given so-called answers to what the “ideal” person is  supposed to look like, a standard that no matter how hard you try to mold to will always mutate and change depending on the newest definitions of trendy.  We’re constantly running after these new and improved ideals, but more in the  sense of the ideals being a sort of immortal golf cart and us running after it in  the heels that Gigi Hadid just told us to buy. 

What female artists have inspired you and influenced you?  

Some of my main female inspirations in the past years when it comes to music include (I mean it’d be blasphemous if I didn’t mention the ensuing name) Taylor Swift (the icon herself), Phoebe Bridgers, Lizzy McAlpine, and Joni Mitchell. Ranging from the precision  and complexity of their melodies and lyrics, to their impact on female representation and  equality in the music industry, all of these incredible women have and continue to inspire  me on a daily basis. 

Do you consider yourself a feminist? If so, why or why not?  

When I saw this question I immediately knew I just had to answer it, because as pretty much every single one of my friends can attest, I’m not very shy when it comes to  expressing my feminist frustrations. I once burst into a room this past year and when asked by a friend to describe how I was feeling, I confidently just said the words “feminine rage,” to which my teacher, whom I hadn’t known was there until then, burst out laughing just from the sheer audacity, randomness, and not to mention confidence of my response. I’ve also found myself advocating and denouncing such topics in my smaller school community such as the sexualizing of young girls through traditions such as the dress code, especially when it comes to excuses regarding that something as simple (and not to mention worn by almost half the world’s population) as a bra strap might “distract the boys.” Such statements as these continuously infuriate me, as the  emphasis is always placed on the mere garments that a woman wears rather than the rooted sexualization and overlooked/inconsequential behavior of our male counterparts. 

What was the most challenging thing you have had to face as a female  artist?  

One of the most challenging things I’ve had to face as a female artist is the  constant expectation of my image. Like, if a male musician was to show up to  a professional event with unbrushed hair and sweatpants, he would be praised for his “boldness” and “self confidence,” while if a woman of the same talent did the same, she would start trending alongside words such as “lazy” and “unkempt.” I’ve often felt pressured to manage my physical image when it comes to the industry, as there’s sort of this deeply rooted misogynistic belief that women will only be respected, or merely just taken as seriously, if we continue to look good while doing the same exact thing as a man. 

If you could form an all woman super-group who would play in it? 

Now that’s a tough one, but I think when it comes down to it, It’d probably  consist of Taylor Swift, Lizzy McAlpine, Lana Del Ray, Phoebe Bridgers, and  Brandi Carlile. 

Finally – Where can we find you online?

https://anngraymusic.com 

Instagram: @anngray_music 

[passionate-reply]

Kraftwerk are best known for being innovative pioneers in the field of electronic music, but by 1981, the rest of the world was finally catching up to them. Faced with living in the future they’d helped create, they released their last truly great album, Computer World, as a sort of reaction to the times. Find out more in my video, or by reading the transcript below the break.

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums. Today, we’re talking about Kraftwerk, and what is perhaps their last truly “great” release: 1981’s Computer World.

Kraftwerk were, of course, one of the first groups to popularize the creation of music through chiefly electronic means. From their icy and robotic onstage demeanour to their stiff-shirted sense of style, just one look at them makes it clear the outsized influence that Kraftwerk have had on the genre we now think of as “electronic music.” While, at times, their significance can be over-emphasized, and I’ve always been critical of the way that the discourse on this all-male quartet has often squeezed out even earlier electronic pioneers like Wendy Carlos and Delia Derbyshire, it isn’t all for no reason. While Kraftwerk’s actual music often comes across as more accessible than experimental, the fact that they were doing it in the 1970s, long before synthesisers became a commonplace sight in popular music, should fill anyone with the sense that they were architects of the future.

Music: “The Model”

While “The Model” first debuted on Kraftwerk’s 1978 LP The Man-Machine, it was re-released as a single in 1981, where it saw substantial success in the charts. In those few short years, the musical landscape had changed, with younger artists like Gary Numan and OMD making headway in the charts with similarly synthesiser-centered songwriting. For almost the entirety of the 1970s, Kraftwerk had been contentedly putting along, secure in the knowledge that they represented the future of music. But now, as the 80s began, they were finally living in the world that they had made possible. The future had arrived for them--so what were they possibly going to do now? I think the best way to frame Computer World, and perhaps what makes it such an interesting album for me, is that it represents a reaction to the ways that the landscape of electronic music had shifted around the artists in these intervening years. On Computer World, Kraftwerk would both reflect as well as critique what younger artists inspired by them had started doing. It’s the first Kraftwerk album that seems to represent a true challenge being posed to these by now august and illustrious pioneers, forcing them to respond in new ways.

Music: “Pocket Calculator”

In many ways, “The Model” is a pop song--compared to most previous Kraftwerk compositions, it’s heavy on lyrics, and focused, surprisingly, on a human being, and a love story involving her. But I think the Computer World single “Pocket Calculator” is almost as good of a pop song as “The Model” is. Highly melodic, and almost candy-coated in its simpering exuberance, it has perhaps the hookiest hook anywhere in the Kraftwerk discography. I’m tempted to compare it to similarly bright and upbeat tracks from Yellow Magic Orchestra, such as “Ongaku”--particularly since it was also released in a Japanese-language version, as “Dentaku,” for that market. Still, there’s no avoiding that the subject matter of “Pocket Calculator” has taken a sharp turn back towards an iconically Kraftwerk subject matter: the inner life of the titular machine. While the narrator of the lyrics announces themself as “the operator” with the titular calculator, it’s also possible to interpret the lyrics as the voice of the machine itself. “I am adding and subtracting, I’m controlling and composing”--but who, indeed, is really performing these tasks: the operator, or the calculator itself? Perhaps a stronger example of Kraftwerk gone pop is “Computer Love.”

Music: “Computer Love”

Melodic, but also balladlike, “Computer Love” is an unambiguous return to the traditional pop theme of romantic love, absent from the asexual and perhaps childlike glee of “Pocket Calculator.” Its more plaintive hook is also an easy one to appreciate, and its theme is perhaps more universal: while listeners at the time may not have necessarily owned rapidly miniaturizing digital technology, surely, all of us have, at some point, felt lonely. “Computer Love” doesn’t just connect to that feeling, but it also offers us hope, in the form of an almost magical, futuristic solution for finding love. I think it’s the internal balance of “Computer Love” that makes me find it so captivating: it’s a song about despair at being alone, perhaps even intensified by the alienation of modern society in particular, but it’s also suffused with the romantic dream of computerized matchmaking services, which might, like so many other technological developments, tremendously improve one’s day-to-day life. In “Computer Love,” the machine is only a tool, a small piece of the overall human picture, and not the chief focus of the work--much as the camera for which “The Model” was posing was little more than a prop in that love story. But despite this optimism about online matchmaking, other tracks on the album seem more skeptical about our computerized future, including the opener and title track.

Music: “Computer World”

While Kraftwerk are best remembered as utopian thinkers, many of their compositions hint at the potential downsides to technological advancements, albeit subtly. Much like *The Man-Machine* alluded to works like Fritz Lang’s Metropolis and Karel Čapek’s R.U.R., the title track of *Computer World* prominently notes organizations like Interpol and Scotland Yard among those who may benefit from computers, hinting at fears of oppressive techno-surveillance expressed by works like Philip K. Dick’s “The Minority Report.” With its slinking rhythm and overall ominous feel, this track implies that we should be apprehensive, without necessarily stating what to fear, and I think that’s part of why it’s remained resonant. In today’s world of deepfakes and location tracking, we’re constantly vigilant over the nameless potential dangers presented by the machines in our pockets and handbags, even when we couldn’t explicitly state what they are. Our increasing distance from the album, in both time and technological progress, may present an obstacle to appreciating it as art. While it’s easy for me to get into the mindset of computers as something newfangled and exciting, having grown up earlier in the personal computer age and able to recall the way they were advertised and talked about in the 90s and 00s, I do wonder how this album sounds to my younger peers. At any rate, “Numbers” is the track that I think sounds the most like it could have been on any Kraftwerk album, and not just this one.

Music: “Numbers”

A classic example of how a simple conceit can fill a whole composition to its brim, “Numbers” remains one of Kraftwerk’s most iconic tracks. Nowadays, it might be best known for how heavily it’s been sampled by later artists, and the influence it’s had on hip-hop, that nephew of electronic music that is nowadays, somewhat arbitrarily, considered a separate genre unto itself. But ultimately, “Numbers” and its famous beat stand up perfectly well on their own. As a cosmopolitan panoply of languages recites the names of the numbers, we are reminded of the ways in which mathematics is a universal language. Not only does it unite mankind, but many have also wondered if it might someday be the key to communicating with people from beyond the stars--an honour also bestowed upon music itself. Structurally, “Numbers” is the second-to-last song on the album’s first side, and like many earlier Kraftwerk albums, it transitions directly into another part of a larger “suite,” connected both musically and thematically. “Numbers” becomes “Computer World 2,” which is not simply a reprise of the title track, but a sort of medley which also incorporates the whispering vocoders of “Numbers.” While in many ways, Computer World feels like an attempt by Kraftwerk to keep up with the times, the overall structure of the album maintains a sense of continuous, symphonic composition, not unlike the seamless “transfer” between “Trans-Europe Express” and “Metal on Metal” some years before.

The cover design of Computer World is another in the long list of the aesthetic triumphs of Kraftwerk, which, I maintain, are perhaps as important and influential as their music itself. Its bright yellows and greens remain eye-catching, as does its portrayal of the band members’ portraits, rendered on a computer terminal. Despite seemingly now only existing in cyberspace, their faces remain in the position we saw them in on The Man-Machine, projecting their beatific gazes towards the leftward horizon of the future. The struggle between the reality of a human being, and that which is affected by their simulacrum, is a strong theme throughout Kraftwerk’s discography, stretching back, at least, to “Showroom Dummies,” and the cover of Computer World seems to take it another step further. Now, we don’t even contend with the idea of physical replicas of humanity, in the form of trudging robots or glib mannequins, but rather with the idea of an ethereal, holographic doppelgaenger. With its title, the album asks us not only to consider computers as technologies in and of themselves, but about an entire new era, and a new way of being, which is brought about by their arrival and proliferation. In many ways, this way of thinking about the future was more correct than perhaps anyone knew at the time, and I think it’s this sense of vision that makes Computer World remain a vital artwork as opposed to a curiosity.

As I said in the beginning, Computer World is often considered to be the last great album Kraftwerk made, putting an end to their streak of classics that began with 1974’s Autobahn. Their follow-up to it was the troubled and controversial Electric Cafe, released in 1986, which attempted, unsuccessfully, to add more dance influences and samples with the textures of more traditional instruments into their sound. While I think Electric Cafe is an album not without its merits, it is certainly a substantial departure from the Kraftwerk sound we’ve gotten familiar with so far. I might characterize it as an album that perhaps went too far into the territory of attempting to keep up with the times, extending Computer World’s lunge for more accessible, lyrical pop further than it could reach. Whatever the motivations, it’s hard to hear Electric Cafe tracks such as “Sex Object” without being at least a bit startled at the group’s willingness to tackle the topic of sex so frankly. It might be the only Kraftwerk song in which being like an object or a machine is portrayed in an unambiguously negative light.

Music: “Sex Object”

I think my favourite track on Computer World is its closing track, “It’s More Fun To Compute.” With a straightforward repetition of the title as its sole lyrical content, and a brazen, strident synth blast propelling it forward, it’s another one of those simple, but utterly compelling tracks that Kraftwerk seem to have been full of. Despite the way it flips into something much more melodic later on, it’s the tumult of the opening bars that really sells me on “It’s More Fun To Compute.” I think the textural qualities are almost a bit reminiscent of the grating oscillations of their often overlooked earlier album, Radio-Activity. That’s everything for today, thanks for listening!

Music: “It’s More Fun To Compute”

[betweenthetimeandsound]

WTW Astrology Prompts -- Aries -- Character History I

(Author's note: today I'm focusing more on the girls in the real world, rather than those in the realms. I'm thinking of doing a second version of this dedicated to the characters in the realms)

Carmen Caroline Sofia Panalay was born on April 7, 1994, to Amanda (a paralegal and occasional writer) and Alvaro Panalay (a public defender), in Phoenix, AZ. She’s shown to have an interest in music at an early age, especially when her older brother, Michael, played guitar with his friends and made them happy. She started playing at 6 years old, and got her first guitar at 9. During her time in Arizona, her childhood was normal. She enjoyed being in the sun, and had a tomboyish streak, preferring to do sports rather than playing with dolls and such. Despite being well-liked amongst her friends, people would talk about what her parents were like and why they were together. This perpetrated some of her insecurities because she worries about fitting in or being good enough for them to forget. 

When she was 12, they also moved to San Francisco, due to her father’s new law job with further security, and settled in.  She met Jessica Deneria at around the same time, and they became friends over musical and natural interests. As a new girl who moved in after the school year has ended, Caroline felt a bit out of place, but embraced it after a summer spending time out on the water with Jessica. This led to an interest in marine biology and occasionally sailing. She still misses the heat from Arizona, however. 

In high school, Caroline is a strong student, with a GPA of 3.72 (her parents emphasize it despite her other dreams). Along with her schoolwork, she occasionally plays music for the school band (as a guitarist), mostly through musicals. This is despite Caroline not liking musical theatre very much, but she wants to support Jessica when she does get a lead part and improve her skills. Her dream is to go to the east coast for college, though isn't committed enough to enroll in a conservatory.

Jessica Lena Deneria was born on December 9, 1993 to Leslie (nee Deneria) and Peter Johansen in Sacramento, California. Jessica was interested about nature since a trip to the Grand Canyon. Simultaneously, she’s shown to have a talent athletically, especially softball, though she only really started to play in middle school.

When she was 7, she moved to San Francisco because of her father’s business in new media. However, two years later, her parents divorced, and Jessica was severely traumatized by this incident, because she now doesn’t see her father because of his work. She would frequently see her parents get into fights before she became a teenager, which would hurt her because she thought her family was especially close and she is an only child. Her father moved to Los Angeles, spreading his business throughout California, while her mother remained in San Francisco, working as a florist and occasional designer.

Jessica first made an encounter in the realms when she was 12, and gained her powers at roughly the same time. Since then, people find her to be weird or enchanted, as she was seen sometimes summoning the earth itself. She also met Caroline after the latter moved from Phoenix, and became the best of friends when they bonded over ice cream, which expanded to nature and music. They especially enjoy guitar-led songwriters, in particular. Three years later, she saved the prime minister of Carina, Bronislav Duvenchka, from an assassination attempt. This began her role as a political force in the realms, shaking up her thoughts of the realms as an innocent fantasy land to escape. She is suspected to be an agent for the Carinian forces, which she denies, pointing out its only because she was involved in Carinian politics at the time.

This is when, at the same time, Jessica saves Caroline through her magic, which puts the latter in shock. While Caroline feels similar feelings about isolation, she still fears for Jessica’s life, especially because Jessica was a bit sensitive. Denying that it was less of a magical incident and more of a freak accident, she keeps Jessica’s secrets, but refuses to recognize magic. It’s only in Out There when she realizes that there is another world…

At high school, Jessica gets really high grades, which her mother insists she continue on. She also likes acting in plays and finds belonging amongst her castmates, though doesn't have the same desire to go into Broadway like the rest of them. Instead, she want to go to Stanford University and eventually work with plants or medicine, along with improving her French.

[sometipsygnostalgic]

When'd you get into Adventure Time the first time, and how'd it happen? Been thinking of giving it a watch (especially after all the good stuff that's been said of Obsidian and, admittedly, all the stuff I've seen you post and reblog), and it got me curious

This is like my favourite story, and it is the only good one I remember from being a teenager (life from back then has been super foggy since I moved out of my mum's but it is all good now):

When I was 15 I made a new friend who wanted to write a comic about Teen Titans with me as the artist, TT being my second-favourite childhood show after DBZ.

I started bingewatching Teen Titans because I now had a computer and was able to do so. I learnt about the voice actors.

Starfire was played by Hynden Walch. I learnt that Hynden's latest role was Princess Bubblegum on Adventure Time. I checked it out on wikipedia. It seemed kind of cartoony for me.

One thing that caught my eye is when the wikipedia page said PB "may have had a past relationship" with Marceline, the vampire girl with the really pretty hair. I was confused by this, and rationalised it to myself as they must have had a history as friends or enemies. It didn't say what kind of relationship and I thought there was no chance of it meaning "romantic".

For the time being, I didn't look into AT further.

A couple months pass. After several months of tension, I get a text while in school telling me that my dad was breaking up with his fiance, and I would need to move back into my mother's place immediately. This was smack bang when I was about to start my GCSE exams - the timing couldn't be worse. My mother's house is a shit hive and I went between having a tiny box room to myself or sharing a messy bedroom with my sister and mother. There were no standards for hygeine and there wasn't a stable supply of food.

I decide to finish my binge watch of Teen Titans. I spend all day doing this every day. I rewatched it once I was done. It was what I did to cope.

At the same time, my Teen Titans comic friend confides in me. She tells me she thinks she might be a lesbian, and she is scared her parents will reject her. I sympathise deeply. At the time, I was waist deep in the closet to the point I couldnt accept certain things about myself either, but having a friend come out to me made me reconsider LGBT matters.

I looked on deviantart and saw some art for "RaeStar". I thought it was wrong to ship them (I shipped RobStar hardcore) but, well, the art was so cute. Their interactions were healthy and sweet. It was nice. This became my low key first gay ship.

Then, I start bingeing RebelTaxi's Teen Titans video reviews.

Once I am dry on Teen Titans content, I see RebelTaxi did a review on Fionna and Cake, and on Ryan North's Issue #2 of the Adventure Time comic.

The first video, Fionna and Cake, was appealing to me. The show had an amazing art style, and a decent sense of humor. I loved that they did something for the fans, making a genderbent fanfic episode based on popular fan characters. It was unprecedented and very post modern.

....But it was the SECOND video that made me take a very sudden interest in the show.

RebelTaxi was referring to a scene with PB and Marcy in the bottom of the Lich's bag. There is a joke where Marcy turns into a tentacle monster. RebelTaxi always makes hentai jokes when tentacle monsters are involved, but he interpreted this scene as referencing the characters' "lesbian undertones".

...Wait, WHAT? Hynden Walch's character and the pretty vampire have Lesbian Undertones?!?! Haven't I heard this somewhere before?!?!

A quick google search of "Adventure Time Lesbian Undertones" later, I discover the Mathematical! Controversy - how an episode with some incredible songwriting seemed to imply they had been girlfriends in the past who have residual feelings for each other. A podcast had been made by the producers fangirling about this possibility, but it was taken down, and the director fired. Nobody had outright said the subtext was not there, but they said they didn't want the podcast to sound like word of god. There had been a lot of upset in the gay community over this. Oh, by the way, there's a gay community of cartoon fans who really ship PB/Marcy.

With a combination of everything, from how my friend had just come out to me and was struggling with homophobia, to how I was a Hynden Walch fan, to how the show had already impressed me with what little I'd seen, I became IMMEDIATELY invested in finding out as much as possible about these potential LGBT characters and their relationship.

So I checked out a ton of Adventure Time videos on youtube. I checked the vids that had Marceline's backstory in, vids with funny moments from PB and all the other characters, I checked Deviantart for fanart where I made my first engagements with the fandom's gay community, I checked the Wiki talk pages to get ALL of the discourse. It changed who I was basically overnight.

I decided Adventure Time was a fun show with clever writing, and absolutely worth my attention. During the break for exams, I binge watched it all day, and then I would cram for my GCSEs between midnight and 3am on the day of the exam. I was addicted!

When I caught up, Goliad aired. This was the first ep to come out with me being in the fandom.

At the time, even though Hynden had drawn me to the show, Marceline was the character I was most invested in. She had the amazing backstory and music and character design. PB was fun, but there was relatively nothing to her character.

Oh boy, that ALL CHANGED with Goliad! People were intensely debating what the episode was saying about her. Is she a good person, a bad person? Why was she so troubled in the episode's opening, and why was Goliad corrupted?

Discourse only escalated with Princess Cookie. The top post on the wikia was "Is Princess Bubblegum evil?"

Thinking about her character was so interesting for me. These two episodes made me realise PB was a character with her own internal battles, who was struggling with the responsibility to do what was right for her people vs what is the Right Thing, with her own psychological wellbeing caught in the middle. My interpretation of Goliad was that PB was a naturally neutral person who had decided to be good, whereas Goliad had been corrupted by Jake's anger, and this contrasted with Finn who was a pure good person. The Princess Cookie episode reinforced my ideas, because she was doing something that was neither objectively good or bad but was a result of her own morality, and it went against Jake's morality. The idea of the "good guys" having such different values was so engaging, and they managed to come around at the end, with baby-snaps being submitted to rehabilitation.

Princess Cookie was also the first episode where PB was shown to be an adult while a currently adult character was a child. Either candy people age quickly, or - more likely - Pb is keeping her age a mystery. After thinking about this, I opened up a page on the wiki forums saying "Is Princess Bubblegum Old?"

This is what sealed my position in the fandom. I became a well known regular of the community after that, on Wikia and then Tumblr. It was my first fandom. So many good memories of theories, debates, analysis and fanart, the satisfaction of my theories being confirmed in season 5 onwards.

The most important thing to me, about engaging with the AT community, was how those initial interactions around the LGBT content were the groundwork for me being comfortable coming out of the closet. If it wasn’t for that, if it wasn’t for speaking specifically to Thisfreemind and Illeity about how gay relationships are perfectly fine and healthy for kids to see, and no less clean than straight relationships, I might be a person with far more conservative views today, and I might have fallen out with several of my closeted friends over internalized homophobia.  

I would have also probably failed high school. My grades improved drastically over the next year, because my online community life had made me happier.  It was comfort and stability during a difficult couple of years. 

[aion-rsa]

How Dear Evan Hansen Changes the Musical’s Ending

https://ift.tt/2XGJPiD

This article contains Dear Evan Hansen spoilers, both for the movie and the stage show.

No matter how you come to the story of Dear Evan Hansen, and regardless of the medium, things always have to end at the same apple orchard. It’s fitting since Evan’s first major lie about Connor Murphy, the boy who killed himself, was that they spent whole days in the then-abandoned orchard, talking about girls, boats, and whatever other fantasies Evan could concoct. And it’s here that Zoe Murphy, Connor’s younger sister, requests Evan meet her for the story’s final scene.

This is true of the stage show, which took Broadway by storm five years ago—winning six Tonys including for Best Musical and Best Actor for Ben Platt—and it’s the same for the movie, with Platt’s Evan coming to a now renewed orchard and sitting with the cinematic Zoe (Kaitlyn Dever). Among the trees, Evan can see at least one good thing that came out of his lies: The Connor Murphy Project reopened this small slice of paradise.

Yet how Dear Evan Hansen gets to that moment in the movie is drastically different from the stage musical. Then again, so is the world in the five years since the musical’s Broadway debut (and six since it was first performed in Washington D.C.). Hence why director Stephen Chbosky and screenwriter Steven Levenson, who adapted his own book from the stage, have attempted to adjust to our current social climate. The new ending addresses the harshest criticisms about the Evan Hansen character, and the values his tale might promote. This is, after all, a musical about a troubled young man who exploits the suicide of a stranger in his school to increase his popularity and to insinuate himself into the dead boy’s family.

But is the new ending an actual improvement? Well…

How Dear Evan Hansen Ends on Stage

The entire narrative of Dear Evan Hansen pivots on a misunderstanding between Evan and the Murphy family as the latter grieve over the suicide of Connor. When Connor’s parents, Cynthia and Larry, first misconstrue Evan’s letter to himself as their son’s suicide note, Evan attempts to correct them. However, they seem so heartbroken, and Evan is so desperate to please and be accepted—by anyone—he quickly goes along with it and begins spinning tales about his and Connor’s intimate friendship.

The musical is thus a rising crescendo that builds as Evan climbs higher and higher off his mistruths. So the inevitable moment where his house of cards comes crashing down is the narrative’s real climax. And yet, in the original version of Dear Evan Hansen, the story more or less ends right there. After Evan confesses in the song “Words Fail” that he lied about the letter and his entire friendship with Connor, the horrified Murphys walk away from him one by one, with various degrees of disgust. He then comes clean to his mother in the final big song of the show, “So Big / So Small,” where she comforts her son. She’ll never walk away.

The musical then quickly jumps one year into the future, with Evan revealed to be working part-time and attending community college, hoping to save up enough money to someday attend a university. Zoe, who’s now a senior in high school, invites Evan to the orchard where he thanks her family for never revealing his secret to the public—never telling the world he lied about Connor. And, rather incredulously, Zoe absolves Evan and the audience of any guilt. She says, “Everybody needed [the lie] for something.” She even goes so far to say it “saved my parents.” It brought her family closer together.

So while it’s still bittersweet since Evan’s relationship with the Murphys, including Zoe, is forever severed, there are still no real consequences for Evan other than Cynthia and Larry won’t pay for his college education. Even his guilt is assuaged, and he can brag to Zoe that he’s been reading the 10 books Connor said were his favorites in eighth grade. The show more or less ends in a figurative group hug by omitting through a time jump all of the messy fallout from his choices.

How Dear Evan Hansen the Movie Ends

In the film, “Words Fail” is still the climax of the story, with Evan confessing his sins and Zoe walking away. However, in one telling addition, Cynthia (played with delicate fragility by Amy Adams) is barely able to whisper, “I think it’s time for you to leave” while holding back tears. Since she was Evan’s biggest champion, that she is now the one who states explicitly he is disinvited from their home hits hardest.

Then after Evan’s heart-to-heart with his mother (Julianne Moore), we actually see Evan attempt to make amends for his misdeeds. For starters, the whole reason the truth finally came out in both versions of the story is because of the machinations of a schoolmate named Alana (Amandla Stenberg in the film), who accidentally unleashed a whole social media mob on the Murphys, with randos on the internet blaming the parents for Connor’s suicide.

On stage, this plot element is entirely dropped after Evan confesses to the Murphys, who presumably bear the brunt of the social media hate in quiet while protecting Evan’s secret. In the film though, Evan actually attempts to talk to Zoe in school the following week and she asks him to leave her alone. She also reveals the only reason her parents haven’t unmasked what Evan did is because “they’re afraid you’ll do something to yourself.” Like Connor.

Thus Evan gets on Twitter that night and tells the world, “[The Murphys] don’t deserve your hate. I do.” He confesses. Afterward, he again becomes a high school pariah, but we learn in montage he is more content this way as he tries to make further amends to the Murphys by not only reading Connor’s favorite books but tracking down someone’s phone video of Connor during his stint in rehab. Evan even finds footage of Connor playing his guitar, a feat he hid from his parents. The new song “A Little Closer,” which scores the final montage, is revealed to be a melody Connor wrote and sang in rehab, and Evan is able to at least mail that to Connor’s parents. He’s finally given them something true that they didn’t know about their son.

Only then, before the current school year ends, does Zoe invite Evan to an apple orchard and they reminisce about what might’ve been.

Does It Improve Evan Hansen and the Story?

The clear implication for adding these sequences, plus a song that the real Connor Murphy character can sing, is intended to fix the moral and thematic slipperiness at the heart of Dear Evan Hansen. Through a series of hummable ballads by songwriters Benji Pasek and Justin Paul, and some heartbreaking performances, including by Platt in the original cast, the stage production relies on the power of its emotions to overwhelm logic or deeper analysis. Some might even say it manipulates.

Yet over the years, the musical has had its fair share of detractors who pointed out how calculating and toxic the Evan Hansen character can appear. And the fact the musical just ends on the emotional high point without actually bothering to sift through the wreckage of what Evan did has always been a cheat.

Conversely, there are a few fleeting sequences in the stage version where the musical at least briefly seems to consider its darker implications. Evan’s loose group of (bad) friends in Alana and Jared contribute to this element in the song “Good for You,” where they sing in unison, “Well, I guess if I’m not of use, go ahead, you can cut me loose. Go ahead now, I won’t mind.”

The Alana relationship is particularly interesting in the show since it is only after she demands of Evan “how” will he raise $17,000 that he shows her Connor’s “suicide note.” He immediately protests after she decides to post it online, but did he not on some level show it to her in order for her to use it to raise $17,000 and reopen the apple orchard? After this scene, Alana ghosts him, suggesting she was herself only using Evan to brandish her social clout in the school and, eventually, her college applications.

The Dear Evan Hansen movie tries to wipe even this thorniness away. The context of Evan showing the note to Alana is handled slightly differently, but as a consequence there’s no ambiguity on why he showed it to her—he did not intend for her to share it online. She also, like Evan, is softened around the edges when she does answer Evan’s ringing phone on-screen and cries that she tried to take the letter down but it’s still all over social media.

The logic behind the change would seem to make both Evan and Alana more purely sympathetic and blameless for their mistakes. In Alana’s case, she isn’t a master manipulator, and in Evan’s case it is beyond his control when others take things too far. He then puts in the work to help the Murphys, beginning by admitting to the world his dishonesty.

Read more

Movies

Will Steven Spielberg’s West Side Story Reignite Love for Movie Musicals?

By David Crow

TV

Hawkeye Trailer Finally Brings Captain America Musical to the Stage

By David Crow

These were obviously conscious choices made after the five years and full lifetime which passed since 2016—a year where Barack Obama was still president and the #MeToo movement hadn’t yet occurred. Now in an age where social accountability, especially in online life, and alleged authenticity are valued more than ever, having a hero who lies to the world and gets away with it is inherently problematic. So the flaws in Evan’s choices, and even Alana’s, are “fixed” with crocodile tears of regret from Alana, and then Evan making an actual effort to atone for his mistakes.

Yet I would argue it doesn’t actually improve the fundamental issues with the musical. In the case of Alana, having a character show the ugly side of social manipulation, even among ostensibly sympathetic figures, was one of the truer impulses in a story that otherwise glorifies the healing power of finding validation from strangers on the internet. While both the film and show also depict the downside of online life with a discordant singing hydra coming after the Murphys, it’s only because of a couple of misguided mistakes. And in the case of the stage show, the larger message is Evan’s musical platitudes are simply too powerful (or profitable) for the Murphys to shatter.

In 2021, Evan and his creators make the choice that he can admit his mistakes. Yet the story still attempts to justify Evan’s actions, which ironically puts the film at odds with itself. It basks in the splendor of Evan’s self-help ballad, “You Will Be Found,” and then shows him suffering comeuppance for lying—even if Zoe still gives him final absolution.

The one significant change that clicks for me is Evan at least seeking out some hidden truth about Connor, and sharing it with the real people who actually loved him instead of strangers, who in turn would only again offer performative gestures and signaled virtue toward a kid they otherwise ignored. Hearing Colton Ryan’s Connor sing for himself—for the first time in any medium—and not merely be a puppet for Evan’s self-serving fantasies was a significant, moving improvement over how this thread is resolved on the stage.

Still, I think going further in that direction with Evan realizing the crassness of what he created, and the emptiness of his bromides, would’ve made this a more interesting narrative. But what do I know? My instincts wouldn’t have turned this into a Broadway anthem for Generation Z. So how about yourself? Do you like the new ending to Dear Evan Hansen?

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The post How Dear Evan Hansen Changes the Musical’s Ending appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2ZlN281

[fyeah-bangtan7]

RM: “I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now”

The story of BTS’ new album BE started on April 17, 2020 when group member RM announced its production on the BANGTANTV YouTube channel. In the seven months that followed until the album’s release, RM’s mind was full, his thoughts flowing in and out of his head.

How do you feel about the unique approach you took to making your new album, BE? RM: The other members were a ton of help to me. My lyrics made it on the album, but the music I composed didn’t, so I’m really thankful to the group for the music. How should I say this? I feel like everyone is doing a great job. There are so many parts in these songs that I’m indebted to them for. “Stay” was originally going to be the title song on Jung Kook’s mixtape, but everyone liked it so much, and they all agreed to put that on our album. That’s how much influence they had. I’m really happy my room idea was chosen to be the album photos. Since we’re spending a lot of time in our rooms because of COVID-19, we laid out the idea of each of us decorating a room in our own style. I can’t remember for sure (laughs) but I think I’m the one who came up with that. I made a comfortable room, one that’s modern and warm because that’s what I like.

There’s a painting in the middle, and symmetrically arranged figurines. RM: The figures are from my own collection. I wanted to show one of my paintings, but that didn’t pan out. But still, those are the things I hold most dear to me right now, so I let the room embody the things I wish I had, too.

It’s well known that you like art and frequent exhibitions, but how do you feel when you look at art in your home or another space where there are no people, like in the album art? RM: Someone said, “You don’t have to buy this painting; it’s yours so long as you’re looking at it.” That’s my favorite sound bite these days. What I most envied about painters was that, even after they died, their work would be hanging up somewhere, maybe even in another country, still defining that space. Musicians leave behind their songs and videos, too, but it’s only through fine art that viewers in the future are able to completely meet artists from the past. I’m envious that this is only possible for painters. These days I’m trying to find spaces where I can have more relaxed viewing experiences.

There’s a full experience involved, from the time you get ready to leave your house until the time you’re actually looking at artwork in the gallery. RM: That’s perfect to me. There’s art you can keep at home, and then there’s art that should always be viewed in museums.

What effect do you think that type of experience has on your music? You didn’t compose any of the songs but instead participated in writing the lyrics to all of the tracks. Did that experience affect your lyric writing in any way? RM: I think it’s helped me develop a way of thinking using all the senses. I used to be attuned to speech and focus on language and auditory textures, but now I can look at my thoughts from many different angles. That’s why I spend more time studying art now. I’m waiting for the day that it all comes to the surface, like when you paint the base on a canvas over and over so the colors pop. It’s hard to answer in one word if it has a direct influence on my work, but I think people who create music develop a way of seeing the world through their personal experience and their creative process. Painters naturally exhibit their art over a very long period of time. I think it gave me an eye for looking at the world in one long, continuous stroke. So now it’s become a little challenging for me to write lyrics these days. I’ve become more cautious.

Why is it so challenging? RM: I used to have so many ideas pouring out that it was hard to pluck one out. So I would stack them up like a Jenga tower and ponder over which one to remove. But now, it’s hard to even add a block to the stack. I’m not sure why but, when I look at these artists whose works span their entire lives, I sense that the rhythm of my creativity is slowing down more and more. That’s the source of my dilemma. I’m only 27 years old. I still need to wander around and get tripped up a little. But am I just trying to imitate what the fine artists are doing? Or maybe BTS experienced so much in the past seven years, that now it’s time for us to take a breather? I’ve got so many questions, I feel like my hair’s turning white. That’s why none of my songs are on the album. I wrote some, but they were too personal to use there. I don’t exactly like myself like this, but I have to see through to the end in this direction and find the answer.

Maybe for that reason, your rapping has shifted focus to the lyrics more so than trend or musicality. It emphasizes the feeling of the words over a particular format or beat. RM: Exactly. In—was it 2017? Pdogg was talking to Yoongi, Hobi and me about our style, and said, “Namjoon, it feels like you’re becoming a lyricist,” and it really stuck with me. I have a lot of thoughts lately when I watch Show Me the Money or listen to hip hop songs from the Billboard chart. My music started out all about my life as a rapper, so I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now.

So you’ve started to ask yourself who you are as a musician? RM: I listened to Lee So-ra’s seventh album again today. I keep changing my mind but, if I had to pick between her sixth and seventh album, I like her seventh a little more. And then I listen to the most popular songs on Billboard, and I feel kind of thrown off. Um … There’s something Whanki Kim said that’s been running around in my head lately: After moving to New York, he embraced the style of artists like Mark Rothko and Adolf Gottlieb, but then he said, “I’m Korean, and I can’t do anything not Korean. I can’t do anything apart from this, because I am an outsider.” And I keep thinking that way, too. That’s my main concern lately.

You can feel that on BE. As the members take on more prominent roles as songwriters and producers, characteristics of old Korean music—the kind of music you likely listened to in middle and high school—gradually entered your sound. But your music isn’t from that era, and it sounds like pop, but not quite. RM: The sound has to fit with the whole album so I couldn’t incorporate that feel into BTS songs, but the songs I’m listening to most lately have been Korean. Songs like P-Type’s “Don Quixote,” Dead’P’s “Spread My Wings,” Soul Company’s album The Bangerz. The impressions the songs from back then have left on me, the lyrics from back then and the lyrics from now, they’re different. So BE is both Korean and pop; it’s very unique, in my view.

I think that’s especially true for “Life Goes On.” It’s got a pop melody, but compared to “Dynamite,” it has a very different feel. It doesn’t slip deep into the sentimental, instead allowing the melody to flow naturally. RM: Exactly. The chorus is totally pop, and one of the writers was also American. But the song doesn’t really follow American music trends, weirdly. So I don’t know how “Life Goes On” is going to be received. It’s really calm, almost contemplative. So there’s lyrics, like, “Like an echo in the forest,” and, “Like an arrow in the blue sky.” The song kind of feels like that: It could just float off and disappear. It might even come off as bland next to “Dynamite.”

If nothing else, it seems the song will stick around for a long time. Maybe kids now will listen to it later on in the future. RM: I hope so. That’s the one thing I really hope for, people in the future, thinking back and saying, “Oh, right! Remember that one song?” That’s what my favorite artists and other people who leave a lasting impression on me have in common. One thing common among the songs that have affected me a lot, like Lee So-ra’s seventh album, is that the lyrics they utter in their voice along with the overall sound stick with me. I hope when people look back, my words uttered with the sound of my voice, echoes for a long time in an auditory or visual way, or even throughout their entire lives. But that’s the dilemma: We have all these bling-bling symbols of our success, but we’re not that kind of team.

And yet, BTS’s career path is even more “bling-bling” than ever. “Dynamite” was the top song on the Billboard Hot 100. RM: I was the first one to check our position (laughs) but I didn’t want to get too excited about it. I was scared of facing disappointment so I put the brakes on out of habit, and restrained myself. But on the other hand, I feel like I should relish this moment. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing; shouldn’t I enjoy myself a bit? But I disliked that sensation of only feeling elated so I tried to be as objective as possible. I was just one small part of everything that made this happen.

It reminds me of that part, “Running faster than that cloud of rain / Thought that would be enough / Guess I’m only human after all,” from “Life Goes On.” RM: “Only human” sounds so appropriate for me right now. One time, I saw a dark cloud over the N Seoul Tower while I was walking along the Han River. I was with a friend and we talked about where the border between where it’s raining and where it’s not might be, and suddenly, we came up with the idea to run and find that spot. But after running for 10 minutes, the cloud was even further away than it had been. At that moment, the puzzle pieces snapped into place. You think you can go faster than that dark cloud? No. That’s what I realized then. And I just like what Whanki Kim said, that maybe I can’t do anything not Korean, because that’s what I am. I used to work late and then stay up all night when things weren’t working out, sometimes walking from Samseong to Sinsa station, thinking everything through. But now, like the saying, I realize that maybe I can’t do more than what I am. 

On Weverse, you said that you gained some muscle from working out. Could the change to your body improve your creativity in the long term? RM: I started to think I better change myself a little, physically or mentally. I’m talking about being steady. I used to bombard myself with challenges and worries and just get over them, but now I think it’s time to find that one sturdy thing and plant myself there. The best choice was working out, and I think it’s changing my behavior a lot. I’m hoping that, if I keep working out for a year or two, I’ll become a different person.

Music is your job, but also your life. Like you expressed in “Dis-ease,” how would you say you feel about your work? RM: This is my job and my calling and I feel a great sense of responsibility. I think I’m lucky and happy that I can solely worry about my creative process. And I feel very responsible to those people who put their trust in me, so I try not to cross any lines, judge myself honestly, and always be professional. Those are the responsibilities that come with the job—the things I have to do and the promises I won’t betray. But if I’m going to do it, I’m going to be happy while I do it. That’s not always going to be possible, but that’s generally how I feel.

Well then, how do you feel about BTS at the moment? RM: BTS is … Well, it’s really hard to tell. (laughs) When BTS started out, I thought, “I know everything there is to know about BTS,” but now it’s, “I don’t know a single thing about BTS.” In the past, I felt like I knew everything, and that anything was possible. Call it childish or ambitious. But if I were to ask myself, “What is BTS to me?” I would say, we’re just people who met each other because we were meant to. But it feels like the stars aligned and a startup company became a unicorn, with perfect timing and lots of smart people. Looking back, there were a lot of ironies and contradictions in this industry. I thought I figured them out one by one, and then finally understood the whole thing. But now I feel like I don’t know anything at all. Anyway, to sum up: My young, reckless twenties. The events of my twenties. There were a lot of contradictions, people, fame, and conflict all tangled together, but it was my choice and I got a lot out of it, so my twenties were an intense but also happy time.

And what about you, as one individual person? RM: I’m a real Korean person. (laughs) A person who wants to do something in Korea. I think millennials are charging into society stuck between the analog and digital generations, and what I chose is BTS. So I try to integrate myself into our generation, try to understand what people like me are thinking, and try to work hard to capture that feeling without being a burden on them. This might be another kind of irony itself, but this is who I am. I’m a 27-year-old Korean. That’s what I think.

© source

[ts1989fanatic]

Every Taylor Swift Album Ranked

We revisited each of the singer’s original studio albums and ranked them from best to worst.

FEATURESEvery Taylor Swift Album Ranked

We revisited each of the singer’s original studio albums and ranked them from best to worst.

By Slant Staff on July 6, 2021

Taylor Swift started off as a country artist at a time when the genre was both less respectful and accommodating of the voices of women than at any other point in its storied history. The singer’s first four albums barely scan as country music in a meaningful way, instead embracing her preternatural gifts for pop conventions, and her output has gotten stronger the more openly she’s embraced those skills. In the 15 years since the single “Tim McGraw” launched Swift to country stardom, she’s jettisoned the genre’s ill-fitting signifiers and overcome the limitations of her early recordings—improvements captured in her “Taylor’s Version” re-recordings of those albums as a powerful statement of artistic agency.

As Swift takes an apparent break from new music to re-record those early releases, including Fearless (Taylor’s Version) and this fall’s highly anticipated Red redux, we revisited each of her original studio albums and ranked them from best to worst.

9. Taylor Swift (2006)

Though she was praised for her songwriting right out of the gate, what Swift’s self-titled debut truly shows in hindsight is how diligently she’s worked to hone her craft over the years. Some of her trademarks—her gift for melody, her third-act POV reversals—were already present here, but there’s a sloppiness to the writing that she’s long since cleaned up. Whether that’s emphasizing the wrong syllables of words because she hadn’t quite mastered the meter of language (most notable on “Teardrops on My Guitar”) or mixing metaphors (on “Picture to Burn” and the otherwise catchy “Our Song”), there’s a lack of polish and editing on Taylor Swift

8. Fearless (2008)

Nearly every track on Swift’s sophomore effort, Fearless, builds to a massive pop hook. But while her grasp of song structure at this point in her career suggested an innate talent for how to develop a melody, Fearless also highlights Swift’s then-limited repertoire and lack of creativity in constructing her narratives of doe-eyed infatuations and first loves gone wrong. It’s admirable that she tries to incorporate more sophisticated elements into a few of the songs here, but dancing with or kissing someone in the rain is a default image that crops up with nearly the same distracting frequency as references to princesses, angels, and fairy tales. Fearless, however, just as strongly made the case that Swift had the goods for a long, rich career. The bridge to “Fifteen” includes a great, revealing line about a friend’s lost innocence (“And Abigail gave everything/She had to a boy/Who changed his mind/And we both cried”), while the playful melody of “Hey Stephen” captures the essence of what makes for indelible teen-pop.

7. Speak Now (2010)

Swift’s third album, Speak Now, is problematic in precisely the same ways that its predecessors are, but there isn’t a song here that isn’t an absolute wonder of technical construction. Perhaps even more impressive is Swift’s mastery of song structure. Consider how the instrumentation drops out during the last two words of the hook in “Last Kiss,” allowing the singer’s breathy vocal delivery to bear the entirety of the song’s emotional weight, or how a simple acoustic guitar figure on “Enchanted” slowly crescendos behind each repetition of the line “I was enchanted to meet you.” Unfortunately, the greater complexity and range found in Swift’s sound and in her song constructions doesn’t necessarily translate to her songwriting. Her narrators often seem to lack insight because Swift writes with the point of view that hers is the only story to be told, which makes songs like “Dear John” and “Better Than Revenge” come across as shallow and shortsighted. And though she does vary her phrasing in ways that attempt to mask her limited voice, Swift is still noticeably off-pitch at least once on every song on the album.

6. Red (2012)

Considering that Swift’s previous material was almost always better when she tossed the ill-fitting country signifiers and focused on her uncanny gift for writing pop hooks, Red was a smart, if overdue, move for the singer. The album plays as a survey course in contemporary pop, and Swift is game to try just about anything, from the uninhibited dance-pop of standout “Starlight” to the thundering heartland rock of “Holy Ground.” The tracks that work best are those on which the production is creative and modern in ways that are in service to Swift’s songwriting. The distorted vocal effects and shifts in dynamics on “I Knew You Were Trouble” heighten the sense of frustration that drives the song, and the driving rhythm section on “Holy Ground” reflects Swift’s reminiscence of a lover who “took off faster than a green light, go.” Not all of the songs here are so keenly observed—“State of Grace” and “I Almost Do” lack the specificity that’s one of Swift’s songwriting trademarks, while the title track underwhelms with its train of pedestrian similes and metaphors—but if Red is ultimately too uneven to be a truly great pop album, its highlights were career-best work for Swift at the time.

5. Lover (2019)

Swift’s seventh album, Lover, lacks a unified sonic aesthetic, ostensibly from trying to be something to everyone. The title track, whose lilting rhythm and reverb-soaked drums and vocals are reminiscent of Mazzy Star’s ‘90s gem “Fade Into You,” and the acoustic “Soon You’ll Get Better,” a tribute to Swift’s mother, hark back to the singer’s pre-pop days, while “I Think He Knows” and “False God” evoke Carly Rae Jepsen’s brand of ‘80s R&B-inflected electro-pop. When it comes to things other than boys, though, Swift has always preferred to dip her toes in rather than get soaking wet; her transformation from country teen to pop queen was, after all, a decade in the making. Less gradual was Swift’s shift from political agnostic to liberal advocate. Her once apolitical music is, on Lover, peppered with references to America’s current state of affairs, both thinly veiled (“Death by a Thousand Cuts”) and more overt (“You Need to Calm Down”). “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince,” however, is her stock in trade, a richly painted narrative punctuated by cool synth washes and pep-rally chants, while “The Archer” is quintessential Swift: wistful, minimalist dream pop that displays her willingness to acknowledge and dismantle her own flaws, triggers, and neuroses.

4. Reputation (2017)

In the run-up to the release of her sixth album, Reputation, Swift was excoriated by fans and foes alike for too often playing the victim. The album’s lyrics only serve to bolster that perception: Swift comes off like a frazzled stay-at-home mom scolding her disobedient children on “Look What You Made Me Do” and “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things.” But it’s her willingness to portray herself not as a victim, but the villain of her own story that makes Reputation such a fascinatingly thorny glimpse inside the mind of pop’s reigning princess. Swift has proven herself capable of laughing at herself, thereby defusing the criticisms often levied at her, but with Reputation she created a larger-than-life caricature of the petty, vindictive snake she’s been made out to be. By album’s end, Swift assesses her crumbling empire and tattered reputation, discovering redemption in love—only Reputation isn’t so much a rebirth as it is a retreat inward. It marks a shift from the retro-minded pop-rock of 2014’s 1989 toward a harder, more urban aesthetic, and Swift wears the stiff, clattering beats of songs like “…Ready for It?” like body armor.

3. Evermore (2020)

Evermore is at once as confident and complete a statement as Folklore. Certainly, it matters that the two albums were born of the protracted isolation of the Covid-19 pandemic and that collaborators like Bon Iver and the National’s Aaron Dessner figure prominently on both. But Evermore finds Swift digging further into her explorations of narrative voice and shifting points of view, taking bigger risks in trying to discover how the newfound breadth of her songwriting could possibly reconcile with the arc of her career. What makes Evermore an essential addition to her catalog is her willingness to tell others’ stories with the same insight and compassion with which she’s always told her own. And on this album, in particular, the stories she tells are about how her narrators’ choices impact others, often in ways that cause irreparable harm.

2. 1989 (2014)

Swift’s 1989 severed whatever vestiges of her country roots remained on 2012’s Red, replacing acoustic guitars and pedal steel with multi-layered synthscapes, drum machines, and densely packed vocal tracking. Swift, of course, got her start writing astutely observed country ballads, and these songs bolster her trademark knack for lyric-crafting with maximalist, blown-out pop production courtesy of collaborators Max Martin and Jack Antonoff. The album’s standout tracks retain the narrative detail and clever metaphor-building that distinguished Swift’s early songs, even amid the diversions wrought by the aggressive studio production on display throughout. Songs like “I Know Places” ride a reggae swagger and trap-influenced snare beats before launching into a soaring, Pat Benatar-esque chorus. It’s an effortless fusion that, like much of 1989, displays Swift’s willingness to venture outside her comfort zone without much of a safety net, and test out an array of sonic experiments that feel both retro and of the moment.

1. Folklore (2020)

Folklore is neither a culmination of Swift’s career to date nor a pivot in a new direction. She’s doing exactly what she’s always done: offering a collection of incisive, often provocative songs that incorporate authentic, first-person details and leaving others to argue over specific genre signifiers. Song for song, the album finds Swift at a new peak in her command of language. While tracks like “Cardigan” and “Invisible Strings” hinge on protracted metaphors, “Mad Woman” and “Peace” are blunt and plainspoken. In every instance, what’s noteworthy is Swift’s precision in communicating her exact intent. That she employs her long-established songwriting tropes in novel ways is truly the most significant development here. She’s mined this type of melancholy tone before, but never for the full length of an album and certainly never with such a range of perspectives. It isn’t the weight of the subject matter alone that makes Folklore feel so vital—it’s the exemplary caliber of her writing. The album finds Swift living up to all of the praise she earned for her songwriting earlier in career.

ts1989fanatic not sure I 100% agree with their ranking order and some of the snark on reputation is a little OTT but overall it’s not bad

[narniaandplowmen]

It is not that I love you less / Than when before your feet I lay (But to prevent the sad increase / Of hopeless love, I keep away)

Fandom: The Witcher Pairing: Geralt/Jaskier Also on AO3 2154 words.

General Audiences / No Archive Warnings Apply Complete

Part 2 of Half a Century of Poetry

Jaskier, back in Lettenhove for the winter, considers how Geralt's words on the Mountain were unfair, but that nothing on this world can stop him from loving the Witcher anyways.

They had talked, after the Mountain. Or, well, Jaskier had talked. Geralt had been about to leave when Jaskier finally made his way down, exhausted and devastated and wounded from the lonely, perilous journey downhill. It was clear that Geralt had wanted to avoid him, but Roach, always a sucker for the sweet sugar cubes and shining apples the bard usually carried with him, had approached Jaskier on her own free will. And he had to say something, he couldn’t just stay silent. So he had given a promise. I will not come to you, but if you ever change your mind I should not be hard to find. 

And so he had. There was much that could be said about the bard, about his extravagance and tendency to ignore the rules. But if Jaskier made a promise, he made sure to keep it. Which is why he almost never made promises, regardless of what other people might think he did. Answering ‘sure’ to ‘will you promise to stay behind whilst I fulfil this contract’ meant that he is open to making that promise, but not that he is actually making it. Being part-Fae, fully noble and just generally a little shit made Jaskier proficient in finding loopholes in his so-called promises. But this? This was a real promise. And he had kept to it.

It was winter, and Jaskier had returned to Lettenhove to reunite with his sister and his nieces and nephews. The little kids were elated to see their favourite (and only) uncle, and although his brother-in-law - who had married quite above his station and continually feared Jaskier would reclaim his rightful place as heir - was less happy to see him return, his sister had welcomed him with open arms. The lands of Lettenhove looked gorgeous in the shimmering snow, white like- Jaskier bit his lip, an awful habit he had picked up since-

 Avoiding the thought was hopeless. He had tried everything to distract himself, but nothing could take away his endless, hopeless, futile lover for Geralt of Rivia, friend of humanity. His sister had noticed, of course. Damn observant, that woman. She had always been, but Jaskier was sure it had gotten even worse now that she was a mother. The Fae blood probably didn’t help either. 

‘Why don’t you write it out? That always helped you when you were younger,’ she had said one day, breaking through Jaskier’s musings of how the colour of her dress reminded him of Geralt’s eyes.

‘You don’t have to share it with me, or anyone, if you don’t want to. But it might help.’ 

So here he was, sitting in the manor’s humble library overseeing the snow-covered vineyard, with a quill in hand and paper in front of him like he was twelve, whilst longingly staring at his baby brother, who now lied next to his parents in graves covered in snow,  and younger sister, who were allowed to play outside whilst he was forced to make his homework. Now he looked down at a new generation of children. One day he had wished he could have some of his own, and he could not deny that, after Geralt had accidentally ended up with a child surprise, he had dreamed of the three of them forming a family. Nothing now could be further from the truth. Instead of living in a cottage near the sea, Geralt retiring from his Witcher business to open a smithy, Jaskier opening a school and them raising the adorable Ciri together, Geralt had refused to claim his promised child, shunned Jaskier from his life and gone off to who-knew-where to, as far as Jaskier knew, continue killing monsters for little pay. He had not come to apologise, not come to ask Jaskier to rejoin him, not come to find him at all. And so, Jaskier had kept his promise. And Jaskier had kept away. If only his heart would get the message, too. 

It is not that I love you less

Than when before your feet I lay,

But to prevent the sad increase

Of hopeless love, I keep away.

Carefully placing his quill back in the inkpot, Jaskier resumed his watch over the playful children in the snow. They had found some sticks now, and were playfighting. From his third-floor window he could hear fragments of their conversation.

‘You -- monster!’

‘I wanna be the Witch--’

‘--ys get to be the Witcher!’

‘Because the Witchers are -- cle Jaskier says so!’

‘I don’t want to be a kimimomo! I don’t want to be the bad --’

Jaskier smiled at little John’s mispronunciation of the monster’s name. The kids, inspired by Jaskier’s songs, had taken to playing ‘Wicher and Monster’, with dramatic fake-out deaths and some accidental real injuries. It seemed that, even in the quiet, boring lands of Lettenhove, Jaskier could not avoid being reminded of the man he loved so dearly. The snow as white as his hair, his sister’s yellow dresses, the wolf statues at the entrance of the property, the children’s play, the notes with unfinished lyrics describing Geralt’s heroic actions Jaskier had left behind during previous stays… Every day there was something, no matter how small, that reminded him of the man he had lost. The soup that tasted exactly like that served in the inn where he had first been allowed to wash the Witcher’s hair. The snide remarks from his brother-in-law that seemed to come straight from Geralt’s vocabulary.  Filavandrel’s lute, greeting him whenever he entered his room. Everything around him was another tiny dagger piercing through his skin, making its way to his heart and cutting yet another piece of it in half. 

In vain (alas!) for everything

Which I have known belong to you,

Your form does to my fancy bring,

And makes my old wounds bleed anew.

It had been late spring when they had parted. It felt like they had barely reunited after winter, during which Geralt had visited his strange Witcher castle Jaskier was never invited to and Jaskier had spent his days teaching Ciri and nights playing his music at the Cintran court. And although he loved the court, Calanthe’s murderous glares when he accidentally mentioned Geralt had made him nervous enough to be happy when spring arrived and he could leave again, back on the road, following the person holding his rapidly-beating heart without even being aware of it. The dragon hunt had only been their fourth contract of the year, and after- After, when summer still stretched in front of him for another six long months, everything had felt off. 

Sure, he had travelled, sang his songs at inns and bars and the occasional manor. Sure, he had met up with other bards, competed in a couple of sing-offs, written a handful of new songs which gained instant popularity. Sure, he had lived the life any normal, travelling bard did. But he wasn’t normal now, was he. He was Jaskier, Bard Extraordinaire, the best songwriter and lute-player on the Continent. His audience’s words, not his. He knew there was always something to be improved upon: a lyric that could be better, a beat he missed, a chord he botched. His audience might not notice, but he most certainly did. He would make quite an awful bard if he didn’t, after all. So, even though he did everything any other travelling bard would do, those six months had been strange. He had automatically found himself drawn to notice boards, turning around to inform Geralt of a contract only to be, once again, reminded the man was not there. No rhythmic sound of hooves touching the dirt during the day, no scraping noise of someone sharpening their sword near the campfire during the evening, and just his own breath breaking the silence of the night. It had been as if the world was ill, asleep in bed trying to fend off a fever that caused strange, surreal visions that gave everything normal a slightly sickly hue. Maybe his sister was right, maybe writing would help heal his broken heart.

Who in the spring from the new sun

Already has a fever got,

Too late begins those shafts to shun,

Which Phœbus through his veins has shot.

The playful screams of the children in the snow briefly silenced as the cheery voice of Molly the Cook called out that dinner was almost done. Jaskier knew that one of the kids would knock on his door soon, giving Uncle Jaskier the same message. Three stanzas in just as many hours, a poor yield for a poet of his stature. A sudden rage overtook him as he looked down at the half-empty paper. The words Geralt had thrown at him on the Mountain had felt fair at first, but after moping about them for while, Jaskier had realised that Geralt had been incredibly unfair. Him, shovelling Geralt’s shit? Yes, shovelling it out of his stable and onto the compost pile where it belonged. It was Geralt who created the shit around him, making stupid wishes that endangered the people around him, invoking the law of surprise less than fifteen minutes after learning Parvetta was a child surprise herself. Surely the Witcher knew that child surprises tended to give birth to child surprises, surely he smelled that Parvetta was pregnant to begin with. Even Jaskier had noticed that Parvetta had worn an unusual, slightly-out-of-style dress clearly intended to hide her abdomen. If Geralt had not been so incredibly self-centred, so incredibly self-absorbed and emotionally stunted he would have realised that his words were absolute bullshit. It had been Jaskier who had calmed Calanthe enough to not send hundreds of assassins after Geralt. It had been Jaskier who had tried to take the djinn away so the clearly exhausted Witcher would not do anything stupid. His wishes might have sounded idiotic, but they were clearly and precisely phrased, his mother had taught him enough about Fae magic for him to know djinns were just as tricky, if not worse, to deal with. Yes, Jaskier had shovelled the shit, but it was not his fault Geralt liked to dive into every single heap of manure he met. So no, what Geralt had said had not been fair. But by the time Jaskier had gathered enough of his wits to realise that, the Witcher had long been gone, and Jaskier’s promise had already been made. 

Too late he would the pain assuage,

And to thick shadows does retire;

About with him he bears the rage,

And in his tainted blood the fire.

The sound of a wildly thrown-open door and a young boy’s voice shouting his name calmed the bard’s sudden anger. 

‘UNCLE JASKIER DINNER’S READY MOLLY SAYS YOU NEED TO WASH YOUR HANDS!’ Little John, still carrying his stick, now ran into view. 

‘Did Molly also say you were allowed to take your sword inside?’

‘A Witcher always carries his swords with him, you told me so! And I am a Witcher, not a stupid kimino- kimomo-’

‘Kikimore,’ Jaskier helpfully supplied.

‘Yes that. Will you tell Eddy? Will you tell him I’m a Witcher? I don’t want to be a monster, the snow is cold and wet when I fall down to die.’ 

Jaskier smiled at his youngest nephew’s petulant face. ‘Only if you put your sword back outside. True gentlemen don’t carry their swords to the dinner table, not even Witchers. Come, we’ll place it in the stables to keep it safe, and then we go wash our hands together, okay?’

‘Okay, uncle Jaskier. Can I sit next to you during dinner?’

‘Of course you can.’

Jaskier smiled at the young boy stretching out his arms to be picked up. If only life could stay that easy, with simple concerns like cold snow and fake swords. Jaskier knew, after all,  it was impossible for him to stay angry. How could he hate the one he loved? The one who had, unknowingly, carried his heart for the past two decades, and would carry it for eternity and beyond? He would keep his promise to the Witcher, he would stay in his self-imposed exile, no matter the cost. A promise is a promise, after all. And just as he would keep the promise he had made to Geralt whilst feeding Roach that final, slightly crushed sugar cube, he would keep the promise he had made to himself whilst walking down the first mountain he and the Witcher had climbed to fight a supposed devil. I will love you till my dying days. 

And, as he placed his nephew on his back, joking that ‘this horse will lead the noble Witcher to the stables,’ Jaskier mentally composed the final stanza he had struggled with for so many hours. 

But vow’d I have, and never must

Your banish’d servant trouble you;

For if I break, you may distrust

The vow I made to love you, too.

[ddaenghoney]

chapter eleven

masterlist link in blog description.

As a successful songwriter, you want nothing more than the acknowledgment that the chart-topping musical pieces are your own creations. But contracts, relationships, and the difficulty of facing the stakes involved head on, keep your mouth shut until pressure builds too much.

Pairing(s): Park Jimin x Y/N, Min Yoongi x Y/N

disclaimer: any characters depicted do not represent the actual personality of the respected idol in real life.

Series warning(s)/genre(s): Chapter-based written fic, Slow-burn relationship(s), Fake-dating, Unrequited love, Songwriter/producer!oc, idol!Jimin, idol/songwriter/producer!Yoongi, friends with benefits, drama, romance, smut, angst, fluff (updated as needed)

Chapter warning(s): none; just that sweet, sweet character growth.

Word count: 5302

if you enjoy please, please let me know!

You slide two fingers along the trackpad of your laptop, scrolling to the next page of song lyrics that you just finished the evening before. A more somber mix of words to fit the ballad that the group needed for their next album. You rub your jaw as you count syllables, checking the rhyme scheme, then your head tilts as you begin to discern whether the whole thing sounds understandable. Though the track’s ambiguous nature gives it character, deluding the true intention entirely isn’t what you want.

“You know,” Your eyes narrow at the interruption Namjoon’s voice brings, along with some cups of variously colored froths. He hunches over the bartop casually doodling art atop the latte’s white foam top as he continues along, “I think you should take a lawyer with you this time around.”

“What’s the point if I’m just going to resign to, likely, the same terms as before?” You sigh, curling a lock of hair around your finger as you think about the meeting upcoming in a few days. If it was like the first one there would only be Yerin, her secretary, and the company’s primary lawyer that wrote out the first contract.

“But that’s what I’m saying; if you bring along your own lawyer, then they can help argue some change.” He says in a small voice that’s mostly focused with perfecting the lines of a dog image. “It can’t hurt to try, right?”

“She’s just so dead set against any of what I’ve said about receiving credit before though.” You mumble, trying to get back to your own work with hope that he’ll drop the topic that he’s been bringing up periodically ever since you received notice of the meeting.

“You’ve worked for them for five years now.” Namjoon lifts up his head from the design, eyes decisively staring into your own as he speaks with conviction, “They owe you change, even if it isn’t a complete one-eighty from how things have gone so far. They’re shitty people if they don’t treat you like a human by this point.”

You smile at him, dryly speaking the reality, “They’re a business.”

“They’re only doing well because of you. That’s undeniable.” He smiles in return, bringing forth a bit of pride for you as his friend. Namjoon straightens up, stretching his arms as he nudges the drink towards you, “If you threaten to leave then maybe they’ll change their mind about the contract? Here take this, I’m still not good at this kind of latte art.”

Your chin rests on your palm while you glance to the drink. It presents a cute fluffy blue dog, with admittedly oddly positioned eyes. You refrain from laughter. “Looks better than the flower you tried last week. Thanks, Joon.”

Namjoon nods, moving the cups off with a smile as he turns to the sink behind him. Figuring he’s bugged you enough about the lawyer idea for the day he leaves it be, returning to the atmosphere before as he turns down the bar while Jinsol exits with two plates of food for customers.

“Yoongi was also telling me that I should get a lawyer.” You say on your own, not thinking that you could potentially give Namjoon hope that you’ll eventually agree with the two of them by keeping the conversation going. He turns back to you, wiping his hands dry on a rag. “Even said he’d get his lawyer friend to go with me if I wanted. Someone named Kim Taehyung.”  

“How much does he charge?”

“Yoongi said he’d do it for free as a favor to him,” You shrug, taking a slow sip of the drink to see if it was too hot. “They’re good friends and have known each other for awhile.” Namjoon nods, arms crossing as his eyebrows furrow in consideration to the news. “But you and Yoongi need to stop acting like Yerin won’t just drop me if I start talking about changing the contract this seriously.”

“Y/N, you’ve given them more than ninety percent of their musical repertoire. That’d be the most idiotic business decision she could make.” Namjoon frowns, trying to find a reason for why you’re unable to see how much of an asset you are for SoundWave even though they treat you oppositely.

“And I’d take away one hundred percent of their reputation if the public finds out how much I have to do with that, Joon.” You trace the circumference of the ceramic with your index finger, eyeing the art that had further disfigured after you took a sip. “They can go on without me involved, and there’s no reason to keep me if I’m just going to destroy everything they’ve worked for. Cost-benefit analysis is what they call it in the business world, right?”

“Well, no, but close enough,” Namjoon leans back against the counter. “To be honest, even if they give you just a few pieces credited here and there, that would be a big improvement, don’t you think? You could start there.”

You nod, hearing your phone vibrate beside your laptop to alert you of a text, but ignoring it so you can explain the most recent nail in your coffin. “But since I’m now ‘Yoongi’s girlfriend’ any credits they give to me are going to look suspicious as hell.” You watch Namjoon blink evidently not considering that idea before. He all the sudden sighs gruffly and rubs his neck,

“Fuck, I bet that CEO did that on purpose too.” You nod as his bitterly spoken assessment, having come to that conclusion previously. Considering how frighteningly calculative Yerin is, that’s definitely within the scope of possibility. “She really pisses me off, Y/N.”

“Me too, but, fuck, she does her job well, right?” You huff and then take another long gulp of the latte while Namjoon’s head shakes slowly in contemplation. “I can see why the board lets her handle so much stuff independently of them. She has everything figured out.”

A part of you is willing to believe she set the past five years up like a chess board, strategizing from the advent of their song contest. Perhaps only looking for one or two interesting enough songwriters to trap into the pawn slots and lead the company to success at exponential rates. The lens that seemed clairvoyant and absent of illusion in the pitch to work longer in the company, all selected carefully to tie into the bigger picture Yerin created.

With how finely woven the company is, collectively seemed together to stop the outside from seeing what truly goes on behind the scenes, it’s almost believable in retrospect that Yerin had this picture in mind from the beginning.

You’d like to think there are things unforeseeable, however. Hopeful in that respect, though you can’t grasp a thought of what would shake up Yerin’s disposition so that she would agree to new terms in your contract.

“Maybe I’ll take Yoongi up on his offer…” You ponder aloud, not catching Namjoon’s eyes open wider with excitement at your voice. You finally go to your phone, checking it to see a new message,

Yoongi, 4:56pm: If you’re not busy can you call me?

“You should.” Namjoon’s blurt is out into the air as an uncontainable rambling. One loud enough to catch the attention of other patrons if only for a quick glance. You smile at your friend’s eagerness to jump onto that little sway of opinion, watching him nod longer. “If you’re dealing with legal stuff you should involve a lawyer-- even if you don’t think it’ll help. Why not, right?”

“Legal ‘stuff’, huh?” You giggle when Namjoon rolls his eyes smiling despite you cutting him off to tease. “He wants me to call him, so I’ll ask.”

“Wants you to?” Namjoon raises an eyebrow, though the lightness of his lips insinuate he’s somehow pleased with your news. It’s your turn to roll your eyes, and then attempt shooing Namjoon off with your hand, but he doesn’t budge as he questions with a large smile forming, “Bet he misses you like you miss him-”

“Stop, you know it isn’t like that.” Your lips frown, wishing he wouldn’t bring that subject up even as a joke. Namjoon’s lips clamp, but his teasing expression remains, seemingly undeterred by your weak rebuttal. “Not actually dating, Joon.” Namjoon only nods to which you sigh, shifting on the stool to face slightly away from him. “He probably just wants to complain about it being cold where he’s at.”

“Okay,” Namjoon nods again, stepping once down the bar to start assisting with a newly entered party. “Warm him up with your voice then-”

“Fuck off!” You watch him scamper off like a startled cat, and shake your head at him hitting his hip against the corner of the bar. You bite your lip when Namjoon glances back at you with a pained expression from the collision, but nonetheless gives you a thumbs up to cheer you on in your phone call endeavor even though you think he’s acting ridiculous.

It takes only a moment to open the message thread with Yoongi, then click into the contact information to call. You skim through the lines on your laptop screen as quickly as you are able to while the line buzzes in wait. Three beeps and Yoongi’s voice registers in an answer,

“Hello?” He sounds somewhat puzzled and surprised and there’s a small moment that you think you should’ve texted him first, but you go ahead and respond,

“Hey, you wanted me to call?” The screen before you becomes a blur, its shine leading you to shut it close as you listen in on Yoongi’s voice when he says back sheepishly,

“I did, yeah. Just because I’m kind of bored here,” His volume lowers into a mumble as he goes on, making you smile gently. “Ah, but if you’re busy then don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not. Just looking over some lyrics, but I’ve been messing with them since yesterday practically nonstop, so I should probably take a break.”

Yoongi hums, recalling the texts back and forth the day before where you’d mentioned the words not sounding just right. Lying back into the armchair in the green room, he stretches an arm, voice as comforting to your ears as usual, “You at least went to sleep though, right?”

“Yeah,” You tighten your lips after the response, feeling a beat pass as you try and mumble the next part quickly and quietly, “At four, but-”

“Four?” Yoongi chuckles begrudgingly, rubbing his face with his hand, and then sighs in discontentment, “You’re worse than I am.”

“Is that a compliment?” You ask him innocently, trying to navigate away from the potential reprimand for your sleeping habits as if you hadn’t done the same in response to some of the unruly hours Yoongi has said he’s fallen asleep at too. He just laughs on the other side of the line, causing you to bite your lip and try a new conversation that you’re sure would be something he’d react to like Namjoon, “About the lawyer friend of yours… Do you think he’d still be available for the meeting?”

---

Kim Taehyung stands pleasantly in the lobby of the company when you arrive days later. He greets you with a bright smile that makes you wonder if he can actually be as intimidating as Yoongi stated he is in contractual meetings. With his perfectly wrinkle-free suit, clearly tailored for himself, and luxuriously bronze leather suitcase, you can at least say his appearance is telling enough that his finances at least back-up a success record.

“So just to make sure we’re on the same page from the conversation on the phone,” He gestures for you to enter the elevator before himself as he speaks, following you along inside. “I’m here mostly for appearances, correct?”

“Well,” Your voice is high, smile sheepish from the verbiage used to describe Taehyung’s involvement, “Yeah-- but I’d still like to argue a little for it, but,” You pause, thinking that your own disposition seems weak and not positive for the outlook you want to search for in this meeting. “I just don’t want them to fire me for arguing too much, if that makes sense.”

“Although it’s certainly not proper for them to fire you for something as common as negotiating the terms of your contract, I understand why you’re apprehensive to speaking up about it because of the inherent hierarchical differences between you and the CEO. Nevertheless, I’ll take your lead for how much you would like to push for adjustments.” Taehyung speaks with ease, words flowing like silk. Relaxing as it is to have someone like him ready to discuss details on your behalf, you still find the idea daunting.

Even if by some grand means you succeed in somehow regaining all the rights to songs you write and music produced, what will that make the company think of you? Beyond Yerin and the board of directors, exists coworkers you know fondly, some as friends, and some simply respected. People with their own ambitions and work that they try to build high like yourself, and now you stand in an elevator on the way to an office to potentially crack the glass of the established.

As you exit from the elevator on the top floor, Yerin’s head secretary rises from her desk with a smile of familiarity. She gestures across from her to empty waiting chairs, stating pleasantly that Yerin is currently busy, but the meeting is expected to go on as scheduled. You simply nod at her words, sitting in the seats with Taehyung while your mind wraps around the situation about to unfold.

You aren’t so naive to believe that she’ll shut you up from the first word of contention, but where beyond that she’ll let it wander is unknown to you. It’s unimaginable that Yerin’s face would even concave with any shock or fret about this topic, because there’s never been a moment that you’ve witnessed her out of control. The way that the company operates, is organized, stays on top is thanks to her collectiveness. Ethical or not.

Your phone buzzes, jolting nerves across your spine that collected in tense shoulders.

Yoongi, 1:57pm: Hopefully you’re not already in the meeting room, but I just wanted to tell you it’ll all be okay no matter what happens.

You exhale through your lips, reaching to fiddle with your hair as a smile tries to force its way on your lips.

Y/N, 1:58pm: About to go in. Thank you so much Yoon.

“Ms. Y/N,” Your eyes lift from your phone as the secretary calls out to you, “She’ll be ready in just a moment.”

You begin to nod, smile politely in return though the action freezes when the doors to Yerin’s office open. Because of the oddness of coincidences, you stare in a stunned silence as black boots clatter on the tile while Jimin walks out of the office, bowing his head in goodbye to those in the room as he does so. Profanity of different calibers jumble around in your mind, rising in internal volume as the door behind him shuts and Jimin’s eyes find your person.

A moment feels like it freezes, as though crossing paths is unheard of to the both of you. In reality, you’ve both spoken to one another since the party, as short and dismissive the comments in various meetings were. But outside of that space, there’s something unnatural about passing along each other still. You know it’s mutually felt, because Jimin’s eyes remain on you longer than they should, returning your stare that unconsciously questioned what he would do.

Then you wonder why he left Yerin’s office to begin with. Though she is not absent of communication with employees, the setting appears more formal, rather than a casual check on how he’s been. With his manager nowhere to be seen, it leaves the question unanswered as Jimin finally steps along.

Returning focuz from you, he goes to the elevator unspoken. Like he would’ve months ago while you were both secretly involved, but in the current time, it leaves your throat with a tiny knot. Words and actions of the party flash through your mind, and you try to shake it off when the sound of the elevator dings off to your side. You just look at your phone,

Yoongi, 2:00pm: Let me know how things go afterwards, I’ll be here to listen.

Jimin steps into the elevator, turning on his heel to face the front and reach to click the button to his floor. His eyes moves reflexively towards you once more, curious of why you sit evidently waiting to speak to Yerin. He bites his lip, worrying in his thoughts of what she had just mentioned to him, but the tension in his jaw subsides as he takes in your expression. A soft curl of your lips gazing down at your phone, reminiscent of times in the past, Jimin can’t help but remember in that moment.

As the elevator door shuts, he feels every morsel of air filling in his chest that wants to be expelled, but his lips stay in a blank line, while Jimin stares at his blurry silhouette reflected in the elevator door. He has no right to feel the prickling that fights with the oxygen in his lungs, but the image of your brightened expression is infectious to his focus in a way that doesn’t feel good. Regretful.

Jimin shakes his head, sighing as long as possible. He watches the reflection’s arm move with his own as he strokes back his hair, suddenly hit with a harder wave of that emotion. The emotion that was never about you and always about himself. Unchanged still, as he learned from that meeting that went absolutely no where he wanted it to but to further doubt his own capabilities in his career.

He blinks, lips pursing into a frown only to stop a groan from escaping. He instead clicks his tongue, stretching his neck as the elevator stops on his floor. No matter what you’re there for, Jimin hopes you get what you want out of it. The thought strikes him into a standstill when he steps through the door. Jimin’s lips part, wondering why the selfishness escaped from his mind just like that.

In the waiting area before Yerin’s office, the secretary rises as a man exits the elevator. You know from past times that he’s the head contract lawyer, and the memories of his snarky way of speaking nearly cause your eyes to roll outright, but you just hold it in exhaling a breath instead. Taehyoung looks through his phone beside you, presumably through his calendar from your vague glimpse to it, so he’s unaware of the lawyer feet away casting him a look that turns into a stunned stair.

Your eyebrow raises in interest, gathering that in one way or another through the lawyer community, you suppose, that he recognizes Taehyung. You leave it be to speculation, not taking the initiative to alert Taehyung to the lawyer’s somewhat hostile stare because he quickly scampers off into Yerin’s office anyways.

Any kind of reputation to garner that reaction you’re happy with, if you’re honest. That lawyer always pissed you off with his disrespectful deposition anyways.

“Ms. Baek is ready for you both now.”

Taehyung stands before you, doing nothing to question the long sigh that you make. Gathering that you loathe the meeting and are evidently nervous, he thinks the reaction is rather common. Still he’s encouraging when you finally stand beside him, smiling optimistically at you with a thumbs up acted out with his free hand.

The contrast of the other lawyer’s reaction to how mellow Taehyung acts towards you makes you snicker, and return the thumbs up. A little lighter on your feet from his easy to along with personality and Yoongi’s gently comforting texts, you lead the way this time, entering through the doorway as the secretary politely opens it for the two of you.

“So he was her to represent Ms. Y/N, after all.” Nam Dohyun greets the two of you before Yerin who sits calmly in her desk chair ignoring the jab-like remark of her lawyer. “Kim Taehyung independently representing two of our employees now. How coincidental, I wonder if you’ve asked your other client to hand out business cards for you.”

You think the argumentative way Dohyun speaks to Taehyung is odd, considering the fact that meetings like this tend to have outside lawyers assist the employees. Up until now, you’ve likely been one of the odd few who have refrained from seeking independent advice, so perhaps there’s animosity in the business relationship between the two that you don’t know about. You assume the other client Dohyun referred to is Yoongi, which allows your mind to speculate shortly that in the merger maybe there had been alterations made in Yoongi’s contract or other negotiations. Definitely something if Taehyung is already seen in a threatening manner as Dohyun leads you to believe.

“Referrals only, actually.” Taehyung smiles pleasantly, though rather feigned as Dohyun and you feel the chill he sends out. Yerin sighs, standing from her desk,

“Mr. Nam, watch your tone.” She gestures with her hand to the long table set aside for smaller meetings such as this one. “Let’s continue this there, since there are more people than anticipated.”

“This should be a short meeting, I believe.” Dohyun speaks first as the two parties sit across from one another. He reaches into his suitcase to bring about the paperwork as he continues along. “Because there’s been no true push for change, I’m happy to assume that the terms of your contract are still very suitable to what you want out of your position here, ma’am. Financially, I’m positive it will only become more lucrative as the company continues to grow and your royalties continue gathering how more money than someone such as yourself would know what to do with.”

Your lips tighten into a line as Dohyun’s insulting, calm voice rambles irritably along. Refraining from showcasing the annoyance, you try to keep your mind occupied on Yerin as she sits across from you poised. Her eyes follow the path the contract makes across the table, and she’s empty of fervent emotions, simply monitoring the ordeal until her voice is needed.

Taehyung slides the top copy in front of you, while he takes the bottom one for himself to skim through. You finally break away from trying to extract any information about the state of Yerin’s attitude from her expressions, and join in a fast read through. Entirely similar to the first one you signed years earlier, but the percentage of earning through royalties is raised by a considerable margin.

You consider its new amount as a move from Yerin. She knows you’re dissatisfied, and even if Dohyun acts oblivious to that fact, you believe the entire board would have information about the fact. So this increase in revenue, which would tremendously strengthen your financial assets is put in place as an attempt to nullify your mouth. Maybe Yerin thinks money is where the discontentment stems from.

“I’m sure you recognize the pay increase you’ll be receiving through royalties in this new version of the contract. All other terms are kept the same. However, because of the assistance your work has done to bring so much success to the company, we believe that you deserve more recognition through improved finances. It’s quite a lucrative opportunity for someone as young as you are.”

Though you pay little attention to the verbal ego stroke of Dohyun, you nod absently to his words, flipping the page as you try to search for any other changes. Even though he said royalty percentage is the only difference, you give a chance that there is more. A surprise alteration that would actually make you ecstatic in the way that money would never do. But there is no such thing.

It makes you bite your inner cheek that you’re so hesitant now to sign again where years earlier you were so eager you barely cared about listening to Dohyun ask you to take a few minutes to consider. Perhaps it’s maturity, or just dissatisfaction.

You glance towards Taehyung who sits waiting for your reactions to the contract. You slide the paper back to him, not catching Yerin’s eyes narrow slightly from your actions.

“My client is actually interested in adjustments to the contract that are unrelated to finances.” He says fluidly, pushing their contracts to the center of the table so that there is space for his briefcase as he sets it down. “Using her last contract, I revised it with new points of what she desires to change.”

Yerin takes the contract from Taehyung as he stands to properly hand them off, while Dohyun snatches it with a small, unhidden glare. She reads through it silently, while you watch with an increasingly heavy heartbeat. Trying your best to ignore the rumblings beside her from the company lawyer, you instead cast all your attention to Yerin who undoubtedly is more important for how this will play out. She sets the contract down, prompting Dohyun to sit upright and ready himself to speak until Yerin raises her hand to keep him quiet,

“Y/N, I’ve told you before that allowing you to receive public credit for songwriting and production will only lead to dissent from the public. It’ll irredeemably tarnish the reputation of SoundWave and every single idol or group that works out of the company, as well as those of us involved in the original terms of your contract from the beginning.” Her hand rests back on the table as she finishes her direct speech, nothing more than the smallest crease of her brows to indicate that Yerin is at the most irritated that you have continued to bring this argument up.

You feel Taehyung’s eyes as he looks to you, waiting further to gauge how far you’re willing to take this attempt. But the indecision of what you want feels like a tormenting battle, because what she says is true. Undeniably, there would be so much negative repercussions for this change, especially if any word gets out that the artists have all been simply lying about how much they work for themselves.

Even if you are rightfully owed acknowledgement that the creations are yours, it’ll come at the cost of so many careers and reputations that it feels greedy. You know it’ll do more harm for SoundWave than good for you in the public’s perspective, but it hurts watching everyone around you claim what you made is theirs.

“I realize that.” You say carefully, hands in your lap knotted into fists to help you maintain composure. “That’s why the contract only specifies that a certain percentage of music would be properly credited to me. The idols will still largely be seen as the songwriters and producers that the public think they are, I’ll just be added in like some of the other names you allow into the credits.”

“Which songs? At your discretion or ours?” Yerin asks rhetorically, earning an irritated glower from Taehyung who still sits beside you in silence to let you lead. “And what happens when this contract’s terms aren’t enough to satisfy your selfish desire to have your name in all of the albums? Are we simply supposed to grandfather out the perception that our idols are self-sufficient until it has transferred to being completely engineering by songwriters and producers behind the scene, and assume the public will simply be on board to go along with such an outrageous idea?”

You sit still, watching as Yerin’s sentences end leaving her with visible scowl. Clearly annoyed now. Similar to the anger that she expressed towards you, Yoongi, and Jimin months earlier, but presently it’s because of your own stubbornness. Though her own unyielding demands are also to blame, so tension releases from your fists and your eyes tighten into a glare,

“Your plan right now is to continue to lie to the public. The reputation of this company is already destroyed, it’s just waiting for them to find out. Keeping me locked in a contract that forces me to lie with you all isn’t my fault. I didn’t make the original contract that puts business gain above public trust. And frankly, I’m not trying to ruin SoundWave right now, I just want my name next to my songs. The artists still sing them, perform them, make money from them-- this whole company capitalizes ridiculously off of my work, and all I’m asking for is my name to be public.”

Beside you Taehyung watches curiously, a bit surprised that the eruption of a speech left you with such an intense disposition opposite to how nervous you were when meeting with him at the lobby. But this closer resembles what Yoongi mentioned about you to him.

Yerin’s erect posture falters as she reclines back into her seat, eyes fixated in angry slits towards you still. Not as menacing, shifting towards a bothered stare as composure appears to regain itself in her.

She examines you, knowing you’re miles from your comfort zone, having never spoken to her like this before. There’s not a single moment in the history of you at the company where you’re appeared so set in the fire of argumentation, and on one hand it’s mutually respected by her because she realizes completely that you’re just trying to fight for what you believe necessary. Yerin can’t fault that when years earlier she’d done the same for herself to get her to where she is today, but at the same time it isn’t a quality that she can reward in this situation.

“With the addition of your public relationship with Min Yoongi, it’s even more unlikely that the public will give positive attribution to your name should you begin to be credited outright. Your first exposure will be put under scrutiny because people will assume you’re using him for the work, or that he’s manipulating the company for his own gain. In either scenario, you won’t be well received. On top of everything else it’ll do to SoundWave’s reputation. For the sake of the company, and all of its employees, including you, I can’t let your terms be agreed to.”

Candidly said as it is polite, Yerin lets her decision take over the ambience. Spilling into every molecule of air, you’re left with no choice but to consider what she says as unchangeable. Just like you expected all along. From the first time you started to ponder the idea, you knew the outcome would be as it is now.

An uncredited employee is the extent of what you can be in SoundWave.

“While I understand you’re upset,” Yerin starts again, entirely calm. Like she’s won. “There can still be made adjustments into your salary and the royalties you earn as a way to mediate your frustration-”

“It’s not about the money.” You’re voice is calm too; flowing like drops into a lake that don’t disrupt the water. And your eye contact into Yerin’s is direct as well. Incomparably challenging from that of any you’ve made with her years earlier. You can tell by her slightest of frowns that Yerin realizes this is different from other times. Unwavering like you would have been even months earlier at the beginning of the year.

Yerin opens her mouth, to try another angle, but your head shaking is enough to make her stay silent, listening as you finish the meeting in a cut,

“I won’t renew my contract then. Once the time stated in it ends, I quit.”

if you enjoy please, please let me know via ask, comment, rb with tags– however ! i’d just really appreciate feedback 🥺 i hope you enjoy the series, i’m working really hard on it! : )

tag list (send an ask to be added): @jaiuneamesolitaiire @tsvkino-usagi​ @xionysus @baebyjoonie

[pengychan]

[Coco] Mind the Gap, Pt. 17

Title: Mind the Gap Summary: Modern Day AU. Tired of Ernesto’s snide remarks, Imelda decides to put him in his place and her husband is more than happy to help. It was supposed to be a one-night deal. Things quickly get out of hand. [OT3, mostly porn and humor. Plenty of instances of Ernesto being Dramatic, Imelda getting Sick Of His Shit, and Héctor trying to be the peacekeeper. Don’t expect anything serious.] Pairings: Ernesto/Héctor/Imelda Rating: Explicit.

Art by Dara.

[All chapters are tagged as ‘mind the gap’ on my blog.]

A/N: Some people are unable to see anyone's else's point until they're repeatedly beaten over the head with it, and Ernesto is one of them. 

***

“There. Help me out - we need to cut the plank down the line. Let it slide towards the saw and--”

“Not to be repetitive, but that would come really close to my fingers.”

“Your fingers will be fine if you cut the plank down the line.”

“Entirely too close to my fingers. I need them to play.”

“Most people find having fingers useful.”

“And I think I got splinters in my palm.”

“Por Dios, is this what living in the city does to men?” Estéban grumbles, causing Ernesto to roll his eyes. 

“It’s just that I’d appreciate gloves,” he mutters, but he does help his father guide the plank towards the rotating saw without further comments. It cuts through the wood almost as easily as a hot knife through butter, throwing sawdust up in the air. There is nothing about this that Ernesto finds in the slightest pleasant, but apparently woodwork is how his old man was able to get himself out of alcoholism. 

Interesting, given how the more he works, the more he wants a drink himself.

“What are we making again?”

“Pews.”

“... For the church?”

“Where else would you put a pew?”

Up your ass if you keep this up, Ernesto thinks, but decides against uttering that. 

Compared to how Estéban de la Cruz used to be - how his temper flared over nothing, how one wrong word could set him off - this is basically sugar and honey. “What is it, some kind of charity job you picked up?”

“Something like that. Someone will need to do the upholstery, unless they really want to fuck up their knees by kneeling right on the wood, but I do most of the work,” his father mutters, scratching his cheek - Ernesto is still growing used to seeing gray in it - and turning to glance back towards the end of the room. There are a couple of pews there that Ernesto hadn’t noticed. All done, even with carvings at the side - since when does his old man have the taste for that kind of thing? Has the world turned on its head? 

“I didn’t know you’d also started going to church,” Ernesto mutters, gaining himself a shrug. 

“I don’t. Just get them their damn pews. I’ll probably do the altar next, the old one is coming apart. Keeps me busy,” Estéban says, reaching for the leveller. “The shitty thing about trying to quit drinking is that you can’t look at a bottle of water without seeing alcohol. And then everyone is bringing it up - asking how you’re doing - you think about it all the time.”

Tell me about it, Ernesto thinks, his mood souring. He’s been doing his best not to think of Héctor at all, or of whatever mess he’s going to find once he returns-- "Don't show your face here ever again!" -- to Mexico City, but it turned out to be more difficult than expected. One short walk out with his mother, to get some milk to replace the one in the broken bottle and also some clothes for himself, and he was recognized and stopped several times by people he hasn’t seen in years - old friends and simple acquaintances, plus others he didn’t even remember.

And while being recognized and stopped in the streets was something he dreamed of for a long time, the fact everyone kept asking about Héctor and Imelda as well sort of soured it. That, and the fact he still has no idea what the falling out with Héctor may do to the career they-- he --had worked so hard to build. 

“Ernesto!”

“It’s really you, it’s been so long!”

“We heard there’s an album coming out!”

“Great job!”

“I already pre-ordered it!”

“We knew you’d make it!”

“Hey, can you give me an autograph? I already have Héctor’s. So I can sell them on once you two get properly famous!”

“By the way, how’s Héctor?”

“Heard he and Imelda have a baby on the way!”

“Gerardo and Milagros left to stay with them a few days - and took the twin terrors with them, thank God, imagine what they might have done unsupervised!”

“I hope they never get them to babysit, that would be an awful idea--”

“... Ernesto?” Estéban calls out, causing Ernesto to recoil, snapped out of his thoughts. He glances over at his father to see he looks-- concerned? Is that concern? It’s not something he recalls seeing on his face before, so it’s hard to tell. “Is something the matter?”

Well, this could be the beginning of a honest, heart-to-heart talk between father and son, if not for the fact Ernesto would rather stick his cock in the maw of a hungry coyote. 

“No. Nothing’s wrong,” he mutters, keeping his tone light. “All right, so, I think I got the hang of--”

“And yet here you are. Without a suitcase, a change of clothes, any clue how long you’re going to stay. We’re glad you’re here, but it doesn’t take much to work out something is not right.”

Ah, Ernesto thinks. Well, look at that - when sober, he’s actually a lot more observant than his wife. Who’d have thought. 

Maybe I should offer him a drink or two or twenty.

“It’s-- nothing…”

“Stay away from me, Imelda, and our baby. Stay away from my family.”

“... Nothing I can’t handle,” he finishes. He sounds unconvincing to his own ears, but his father doesn’t press on; he just looks back at the pew he’s working on, clearing his throat. Luckily, it seems that Ernesto is not the only one who doesn’t do heartfelt talks and would, in fact, rather stick his cock in the maw of a hungry coyote. That at least has not changed. Thank God.

“All right. Just keep in mind, whatever-- well. You can stay as long as you want.”

“Ah,” Ernesto says, and clearly his throat as well. “I mean-- thanks.”

A nod. “Well. Since you got the hang of it, maybe you can help me with the carvings before your mother calls us in for dinner.”

“Sure,” Ernesto mutters. As it turns out, he’s not too bad at it. Not too bad at all.

***

The first thing Héctor thinks once the crib is all assembled and ready - despite Dante’s efforts to eat some parts and the twins suggesting they should install a motor beneath it to make it rock on its own, thankfully vetoed by their father before Héctor could capitulate - is that he’ll have to struggle to keep Ernesto’s dogs from trying to climb on it. The second thing that hits him is that there probably will be no need, because those dogs are never coming into their home again. 

And they’re never coming into their home again because their owner isn’t, either. 

Ah, it stings. This is not how things were meant to go; Ernesto should have been his baby’s godfather, her honorary uncle. It seemed natural that he would - he was his best friend, after all.

He was always my best friend. Trying to change that into something different was a mistake. Now we’re left with nothing. If only we never let things get this far…

But maybe it would have made no difference, would it? Maybe Ernesto would have ended up resenting Imelda and even the baby, demanding more attention for himself. Maybe he’s never wanted a friend as much as he needed a songwriter, a public, someone who’d put him and his needs first and cheer him on at the right times.

And that was what Héctor did, every time, without fail. Until he couldn’t, not anymore, and Ernesto showed just how little he really thinks of him. How little he values him.

I don’t want you, he said.

Why would someone like her settle for you, he said.

“... Héctor?” Felipe’s voice reaches him from a mile away, immediately followed by Óscar’s.

“You good?”

“Why are you glaring at the crib?”

“Don’t like it?”

“We can improve it.”

“Make it the best crib.”

“That motor to have it rock itself would be a really good addition, look, we have the blueprints...”

“... And a document to sign that says we’re not liable to be sued for damages...”

“Boys, I think your mother is calling you,” their father intervenes, his voice even. “Go see what she needs.”

“Did she?”

“I didn’t hear--”

“But you heard me, didn’t you?” Gerardo asks, his voice still perfectly calm. Unlike his daughter and his wife, he rarely if ever raises his voice; back when Héctor and Imelda got together, Héctor found him the least intimidating member of the family to deal with - aside maybe from Imelda’s abuela, who was mostly interested in seeing how much food her potential grandson-in-law could fit in his stomach. He knows that Gerardo wasn’t overly enthusiastic about Imelda’s choice of husband, but neither did he choose to be hostile, and was generally much more laid back than his wife. 

Héctor is rather grateful for that. Judging from how quickly his sons obey him when he so much raises an eyebrow, Héctor suspects there is more to him than he knows, and that he probably wouldn’t want to be on his bad side. 

“Or would you rather your mother finds out about the bathtub incident--”

“No, no!”

“Not at all!”

“No señor!”

“We heard you.”

“Loud and clear!”

“And we heard her.”

“Calling our names.”

“We’re going to see what she needs, sí?”

“Ah, that’s what I thought you had said,” Gerardo mutters as they leave the room. Héctor can’t hold back a chuckle.

“Gracias. I think they could have talked me into it.”

“De nada. I don’t fancy getting a phone call telling me my granddaughter got thrown head first into the wall when their self-rocking crib malfunctions.”

“... Didn’t you mean, if it malfunct--”

“I know my sons and I know what I’m about."

“Heh. Fair,” Héctor chuckles again, and gives the crib a push, watching it rock. To think that in a short time there will be a baby sleeping in it, his baby, is… staggering. And a little overwhelming. He clears his throat, willing himself not to cry tears of joy in front of his father-in-law. “What was the bathtub incident, anyway?” he asks to change the subject.

That gets Imelda’s father to turn to him and-- grin. A childish sort of grin, at odds with his graying hair and usually solemn expression. “Ah, my secret weapon. I have no idea.”

Héctor blinks. “What?”

“There was a bathtub incident, I am sure, but it was so long ago I forgot. I think they forgot, too. But you mention the possibility of telling their mother, and they turn into obedient little soldiers. Works every time.”

All right, Héctor thinks, so maybe he doesn’t so much have a secret scary side as much as a secret sense of humor. Good to know. “Heh. I’ll keep it in mind, if I’m in trouble.”

When I’ll be in trouble, not if. I don’t even know if I still have a career without Ernesto, how am I going to do my part to support my family? I’ll fuck this up, I’ll never be a good father, oh God I’m going to let this kid down so badly I’m going to do something wrong and it will be awful and if only my parents were here at least they could tell me--

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Gerardo says, suddenly sounding entirely serious again, not a joking note to his voice. Héctor recoils and has exactly two seconds to worry whether this man can read his mind before he speaks again. “You wear your heart on your sleeve, Héctor. Or on your face. Either way, if you were trying to pretend you’re not worried, it really didn’t work.”

Ah. Héctor drops his shoulders, reaching to rub the back of his neck and looking just about everywhere across the room except at his father-in-law. “Well, you know-- first child and all--”

“I know. Staggering, isn’t it? Just like when Imelda was born. But it was all right. I probably did plenty wrong, everyone does, but she turned out all right, no?” 

Héctor smiles. “She turned out wonderful.”

“Well then, if I did it, anyone can,” Gerardo says with a shrug. “I got a pep speech from my parents back then. Figured you could use one, since…” He hesitates a moment, as though embarrassed, then, “I’m sure Ricardo and Emilia would have said the same, more or less,” he adds, and suddenly Héctor’s throat feels really tight.

I wish they were here. I wish they could meet their granddaughter. 

 “I… gracias,” Héctor mutters, and turns quickly to the crib, pretending to be checking it over - in case a screw is loose or something was assembled wrong or whatever. It’s very obvious, and Gerardo surely picks it up, but he doesn’t mention it. 

“You’re welcome,” is all he says, and leaves the room to give Héctor some privacy in case he needs to have a sniffle. 

He does.

***

“Ah, for fuck’s sake.”

“Ernesto, I’d really appreciate you not using that language.”

After years away from home, in Mexico City, Ernesto’s instinctive response to anyone asking him to mind his language is generally something along the lines of ‘chingate’. Luckily, this time his brain manages to catch up with his tongue just on time for him to realize who he’d be telling to go fuck herself and hold back. Adela de la Cruz was never one to resort to physical violence, but is currently holding a wooden spoon in her hand and she does have her limits. Ernesto is not too keen to find out if that spoon on the knuckles really hurts as much as he remembers. 

“Right, right,” he mutters, sitting at the kitchen table and frowning down at his phone. Dead, of course: the charger is probably still at Sofía’s place, and none of the chargers his parents have - four or five, three of which long-forgotten and tangled together - actually fit his phone. Not surprising, considering that their phones seem to be about as old as he is, but annoying nonetheless. 

“Put that phone down and wash your hands,” his mother tells him, drying her hands on a table cloth. It is… almost creepy, how quickly she’s slipped back into the habit after so long without him around. Ernesto almost remarks on that, but decides against it; she looks so happy, and he finds it isn’t half bad, being around someone who wants him there. 

"Stay away from my family."

The words echoing in the back of his mind sting, and Ernesto quickly chases the memory away, putting down the phone. “I’ll need to buy a charger,” he mutters, glancing outside. It is dark, and any shop where he could possibly find one must have long since closed. It doesn’t bother him excessively, however: part of him dreads what he might find once he turns his phone on again. 

Maybe more insults. Maybe Armando, telling me that Héctor beat me to it, that he said it was him or me and they chose him and I no longer have a contract, or a songwriter, or a best friend. 

Maybe he’s being too pessimistic - maybe what he will find is a message from Héctor apologizing, saying that he went too far, suggesting a drink to talk things over. Or maybe - much more realistically - there will be no message at all, from Héctor or Armando, only dragging on the uncertainty of what is to become of his life from now on. 

Wouldn’t it be best to get it over with?

“Mijo? Is something the matter?”

Ernesto blinks, and looks up from the dark screen of his phone. His mother looks concerned, and he tries not to wonder what expression she saw on his face. He makes an effort to smile.

“No. All is well,” Ernesto says, and puts the phone down. “So, what’s for dinn-- mamá?”

His mother doesn’t answer immediately. She steps closer to pull him in an embrace, stroking his hair back - something she probably wouldn’t be able to do if he were standing. “I’ve missed you so much, mijo,” she chokes out, leaning her cheek on his head. “I’m so happy to have you here. I hurt you so much.”

Ah, right. She does do heartfelt talks. Might be because she doesn’t have a cock she would otherwise rather put in the maw of a hungry coyote. “Yes, well-- uh-- it’s all right.”

“If there is anything I can do to help - if you need any help…” she sniffles. “It’s the least I could do. To try and fix what I’ve done.”

“I didn’t know when to shut up and I fucked up and I can’t fix it.”

“I don’t have to give her a moment’s thought. Let alone another chance. If she’d kept her mouth shut--”

“I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up.”

“Stay away from my family.”

He swallows, and leans into the touch. She has the same scent as always, the one he smelled in her embraces since he was a little boy, soap and spices and something he could never quite pinpoint but that just smells like home. Unlike his father, who lost the stink of stale alcohol and sweat, she has not changed. “It was years ago, mamá.”

“It’s not just that I-- told your papá--” her voice breaks up a little, her fingers brushing back his hair. “I am so proud of how far he has come, but I should have stood up to him years before that, when he began to drink so much. But he was in so much pain after the accident and the operation, I thought it would get better-- you were so little, so confused because your papá no longer carried around on his shoulders…”

Ernesto had no idea his father used to carry him like that; he cannot remember it. There is something in the back of his mind, so far away in time - the feeling of being on top of the world. Was that it? He is not sure. He was so small.

“... And I kept thinking, it wasn’t too bad. Your papá, my husband - we needed him, I needed him, God knows I love him. What if I made things worse? And I put off trying to confront him, but I should have because it was hurting you and it was not fair. I should have been braver. If only I got your papá to clean up his act sooner, even if I was afraid of losing him…”

"We need to make some changes, even if we don’t like it,” Imelda’s voice echoes in Ernesto’s ears. He swallows.

“But you never want to lose someone you care about,” he rasps. “It hurts.”

“It would have, so badly.” Another sniffles. “But protecting you was the most important thing, and I didn’t. I waited and you were hurt. I should have been ready to do whatever it took for your sake.”

“For the baby.”

Something in Ernesto’s chest hurts. He has to swallow again before he breathes out, chest shuddering a little. “He wasn’t easy to confront,” he manages, and it is true. Addiction makes you selfish, a need so great all you can think of is satisfying it, whatever the means, regardless of the consequences on… anybody else. He saw it clearly in his father; he never thought he would see it in himself. What he yearns for is not alcohol, but it is yearning all the same.

“She was right to bring the arrangement to an end. It could have never worked because you’d put your own wants before a baby’s needs, you always did. What you want you get, and if you don’t get it then you push me around until you do!”

Maybe she is right. Maybe they are both right. But ah it hurt, it really did, watching them get ready to start their own family, and each time Héctor showed up with a stupid grin and talked about the baby it was a twist of the knife, even if he didn’t realize it.

“We would like you to be her godfather,” he said. He must have thought it a role of great esteem. He must have really thought it would make him happy.

Ernesto’s eyes sting, and he pulls back before he can start crying in front of his mother, because he’s a grown man, he’s got his dignity to defend, and all in all he’d rather stick his cock in the maw of a coyote that’s probably starving at this point. “It’s all right, mamá. I’m here, and I'm... all right,” he says. 

She smiles, patting his cheek. “You are,” she says, then wipes her eyes. “... Go wash your hands. Dinner is almost ready.”

Ernesto nods and stands, slipping the phone in his pocket. He’ll get a charger soon, he decides. Tomorrow. Well, maybe in a couple of days. He’s not quite stalling, he knows this mess will need to be resolved in some way, but not now.

He can deal with the yelling and insults later.

***

“Turn on the phone, idiota!”

“... leave a message after the guitar strum, and I’ll get back to you…”

“Uuuugh!” Imelda groans, leaning against the wall as the strumming starts. The hand that is not holding the phone goes up to pinch the bridge of her nose. Her back aches, her head aches, her feet are swollen, she has to empty her bladder for the third time in less than a hour, and this is the last thing she needs. “I swear that if you play a whole song, I’ll--”

It is a whole song. By the end of it, Imelda’s groan has turned into a snarl. “I hate you,” she snaps as soon as the notes fade to let her leave a message, and she ends the call.

Precisely three seconds later, she’s already in the process of regretting it.

“Por Dios, no way I can delete that, is there?” she sighs, sitting down by the window and glancing over at Pepita, who is… spending a lot more time inside than usual these days, maybe because she can tell she’s pregnant or simply due to the lack of yapping chihuahuas. She glances over at Imelda, green eyes half lidded, and bumps her head against her hand, purring.

She smiles a little, scratching her behind the ears, and glances out of the window, the hand holding the phone resting on the bump of her stomach. Héctor took Dante out for a walk in the courtyard, and apparently the dog managed to tear the leash out of his hand. Not that he’s gone far, though: he’s currently running in circles around a tree, chasing… the other end of his lead, while Héctor is pretty obviously cracking up. 

Imelda smiles, and opens the window a little to listen to his laugh. He’s smiled plenty lately - he’s so excited to be a father, despite his worries, and does nothing to hide it - but she hasn’t heard him laugh so whole-heartedly in a while. Ever since… well, ever since they had to end their arrangement with Ernesto. He laughs less, now, and so does she; there is no point in trying to deny that, or the dull ache somewhere in her chest. 

Another sigh, and she looks down at the phone again. She knows it had to be done; she regrets it hurt all of them this much, leading to Ernesto feeling like he was discarded. They should have handled it better - perhaps they never should have never had the arrangement in the first place. She’s always known it couldn’t last forever, they all did, but none of them expected it to become a lot more than a challenge, a lot more than the not-so-occasional sex. 

They can never have that again: it wouldn’t be safe, it wouldn’t be wise. Yet she can’t bear to leave things as they are, either. Whatever Ernesto said to Héctor - he refuses to speak of it - hurt her husband deeply. A nice mess, that: all three of them hurting, and Ernesto dropping off the face of Earth, speaking to neither of them. 

I didn’t mean to hurt him. I didn’t think he’d be this hurt. Or I wanted to believe he wouldn’t be.

Another sigh, and Imelda calls Ernesto’s number again. She soldiers through the message and pointless song, and draws in a deep breath as the notes fade, preparing to speak and trying to keep her voice even.

“Ernesto. All right, first thing first, disregard the previous message. Or don’t listen at all if you haven’t yet. I--” have been trying to get a hold of you all day, what happened, where are you, you better not have done something stupid or God help me and you both “... Believe I owe you an apology.” We owe you an apology, probably, but I won’t drag Héctor in this just yet. “I should have handled this better. Not the message, I mean, everything. I--” thought it would be like ripping off a band-air, quicker and less painful if you just do it quickly, but por Dios maybe I was wrong “... Am sorry we hurt you. Please, get in touch. At least to let us know if you’re all right. We’re worried. I know I am,” Imelda adds, her voice quiet, and ends the call. 

She leans back in her armchair and Pepita jumps on her lap, purring, nuzzling against the baby bump. Imelda strokes her head, gazing down as Héctor manages to get a hold of Dante’s leash. He glances up, sees her at the window, and smiles, lifting it in a goofy show of triumph. Then Dante gives a sudden pull, running back inside, and Héctor almost flies after him with a yelp.

Ay, how she loves him.

Imelda smiles, a hand still petting Pepita’s head, the other clutching the phone as she waits for a response. 

None comes that day, or the next.

***

The second Ernesto turns on his phone, it seems to burst with notifications - texts, emails, missed calls, voice messages. At a glance nothing seems to come from Armando, which is a relief: at least it means his contract was not ripped to shreds. Nothing from Héctor, either, which is… both a relief and a stab of pain he tries to ignore as he moves on to the voicemail. 

“... Think you’re going to be back and take your tiny terrors back anytime soon? They ate the contents of my bin, threw it up and ate it again more times than I can count. Nothing keeps them from getting into it. They’re fine, but if  have to clean up after them one more time--”

Ernesto hits the button for the next message - someone he probably slept with long ago and whose face he doesn’t remember telling him she heard about his upcoming album and complimenting him. He listens to the praise, makes a face when she suggests meeting. 

Next message. 

“Would you like to have twice the data at half the price? Visit our website--”

Next.

“I hate you.”

Imelda’s snarl catches him entirely by surprise, and he freezes, something in his chest seizing up. A bleep follows, silence - that’s it, that’s the message. She just-- called him to let him know she hates him.

Ernesto blinks, wondering if he really heard that; incredulity makes way for a stab of pain, another. Anger would surely follow, but the next message starts playing, causing breath to catch in his throat. Imelda’s voice, again, but softer, and… apologetic.

“Ernesto. All right, first thing first, disregard the previous message. Or don’t listen at all if you haven’t yet. I-- believe I owe you an apology.”

Ernesto opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. He stays still and silent, mouth hanging open, as he listen the rest of the message. And then he listens again, to make sure he heard right. 

“I am sorry we hurt you. Please, get in touch.”

Listen again.

“We’re worried.”

“You’re not,” Ernesto says, but his voice is weak because ah, he wants to believe they are, at least a little. His phone stays silent, no other messages to play; this was the last one. Ernesto finds himself staring at the phone, dumbfounded, until the screen goes back and he’s staring at his own reflection, wide-eyed and, for once, absolutely speechless.

***

[Back]

[Next]

[inhale-fandoms-exhale-asdfghjkl]

Starkid Musicals Ranked

So I know I've done this before but it was quite a while ago and Black Friday has come out now so naturally I've had some changes in opinion. Also I've got nothing else better to do in self-isolation and I had plenty of time so i thought why the hell not. 

I’m sorry for the fact that this post drags on a bit. I just really love Starkid if that’s not already obvious. Please keep in mind I wrote this at 3am so if it’s riddled with spelling errors or doesn't make sense, please bear with me.

This time I wanted to be really thorough in how i ranked the shows so i went through a few processes. 

First I ranked each of the shows based on the writing, music, production, humour, costumes and the cast’s performances (which is really just criteria that makes a show great for me personally). For each category i gave them a score out of 10 which I then added up and each show what given a score out of 60. 

The results of this were:

Hmb (53/60)

AVPS, Starship, Twisted (52/60)

AVPM & Black Friday (47/60)

The Trail to Oregon (46/60)

TGWDLM (45/60)

AVPSY & ANI (44/60)

MAMD (37/60)

Firebringer (35/60)

To be honest, i was quite surprised by some of these scores. Some shows were way higher or lower than i though they’d be but some were pretty accurate. However, i didn’t think these scores alone really reflected my actual personal opinions of these shows as a whole. There were a few shows with the same scores so I tried to figure out a way to kind of rank them by personal taste while still using the scores. Really all I did was I ranked the ones with tied scores.

HMB

Twisted

Starship

AVPS

AVPM

Black Friday

The Trail to Oregon

TGWDLM

AVPSY

ANI

MAMD

Firebringer

Now I definitely thought this list was much more accurate but I still felt a few shows were out of place. In particular, HMB. A good portion of the reason of why it got such a high score is purely for my love of the costumes. Therefore, I pretty much abandoned all the previous work I did and then just listed them based on my personal enjoyment of each show which actually isn’t too different. Because at the end of the day, no matter how high I score a specific criteria for a show, that doesn’t necessarily mean I enjoy other aspects of the show equally.

For each show, I go into a pretty lengthy description of things I love about the show, commenting on the writing, music, production, humour, costumes and the cast’s performances. I also give provide an MVP for each show which is just a specific cast member or two’s performances that I particularly like to or stood out to me. I also give my favourite song and scene of each show. 

Also this is just MY personal ranking of each show based on things that I do or don’t enjoy about them. I absolutely love every single one of these shows, don’t confuse me being a little critical with some of them as hate or disrespect. Please understand that these are my opinions, which I am allowed to have just like you and I ask you to respect them even if you disagree just like I would respect yours. 

So without further ado, this is my final ranking of Starkid’s musicals:

1. Twisted

In my eyes, this show is quite possibly the closest thing you will ever get to perfection. Whether it’s the soundtrack (BLESS YOU AJ HOLMES AND YOUR RIDICULOUSLY AMAZING SONGWRITING SKILLS) or the acting (DAMN YOU DYLAN SAUNDERS FOR MAKING ME CRY SO MUCH, IT’S REALLY NOT FAIR) or just Nick and Matt’s writing which let’s be honest is always amazing. This show perfectly balances both the comedy and dramatic elements of the story, which if I’m being truly critical, not every Starkid show does. It’s a ridiculously beautiful, heart-warming show but it never takes itself too seriously. It has this amazing ability to have you both laughing and crying at the same time. Aladdin is one of my favourite Disney movies and I have to say it’s an amazing adaptation, it’s legitimately better than Disney’s live action remake in my opinion. Like all of their adaptation/parody shows, Starkid is able to stay true to the original text while also making it their own which I think is what make their shows so unique and refreshing.

MVP: I mean I gotta go with Dylan Saunders. I know it’s an obvious choice but how can I not. I mean I can’t believe it took them five years before they have Dylan a lead role because let’s be honest he’s amazing and he absolutely nailed this fucking role. Not only does he perfect every single one of those heart wrenching monologues/scenes but like his comedic timing is perfect. But Jeff, Joe and Rachael are definitely honourable mentions.

Favourite Song: IF I BELIEVED. If you don’t believe this is the best song on the soundtrack then you can bloody fight me, alright. I’m getting emotional just thinking about this song, just imagine when I listen to it or worse, when I watch the scene.

Favourite scene: I really love the entirety of Twisted with all the other Disney villains but literally any scene with Achmed is very fun to watch.

2. Starship

So I explained this in my original ranking post but I’m going to say it again. This show holds an extremely special place in my heart. It was the first Starkid show I watched after initially joining the fandom through AVPM and AVPS. I honestly couldn’t tell you what my favourite thing about this show is or why I love it so much, I just do. This show was my favourite show (until Twisted was released) and I would literally watch it over and over again. I love the music, I love the writing, and I love every single one of the cast’s performances. I legit have almost close to zero critiques on this show. It’s one of Starkid’s best written and produced productions (I mean the set, the puppets, everything was on point). This is such a hilarious show with some of Starkid’s best and most iconic jokes and yet it still manages to be such a beautiful and inspiring show.

With all this being said, this show is so criminally underrated and I really do not understand why but I guess everyone’s got their own tastes and all but okay. You do you.

Also, just gonna go off on a tangent for a bit. This musical is what made me fall in love with the beautiful, amazing, talented Dylan Saunders. I could not believe that the same man could play the adorable and very loveable cutie pie that is Tootsie Noodles/Mega-Girl and the hauntingly charismatic Pincer who is by the way one of Starkid’s best villains. Yes I said it. Nonetheless 12 –year-old me was absolutely flabbergasted by this man’s talented and really had no choice but to fall in love with him. Apart from Twisted, this is most definitely Dylan’s best performance (Not that he has any bad ones. Let’s be honest, that man is perfect). Legit, I challenge anyone to try watch this musical and not fall in love with him. It’s literally impossible.

MVP: I don’t think I could pick just one, I mean they’re all so amazing. I’d probably have to go with Joey. I think Bug was a great character for him and really showcased his abilities, which have just grown exponentially over the years. It was great seeing him play a more serious role rather than his previously more comedic roles (Ron and Joey) while also getting to goof off a little bit. It’s so fun to watch him in this and I really don’t think he gets enough appreciation for this role. Oh and also Meredith is amazing in Starship. I absolutely love her as Mega-Girl and it’s my favourite role of hers.

Favourite song: The Way I Do. Bro the chemistry between Meredith and Dylan is off the charts and this song just shows it. I love everything about this song. It’s so beautiful, I can’t even. Also not too be too like generic but Kick it up a Notch is phenomenal and one of Darren’s best. Actually this show’s whole soundtrack is probably my favourite of the ones that Darren wrote.

Favourite scene: I don’t think I have a favourite but I love the scene with Junior and Mega-Girl where he calls her a toaster and all that. Some of Brian’s best acting and he and Meredith’s chemistry really is really present here. It’s not often you get to see these two play opposite each other so it’s fun and interesting to watch.

3. A Very Potter Sequel

As a major Harry Potter fan, it’s only natural that I hold the Potter series with the highest regard. Despite the fact that this show is a parody by a bunch of college kids, it literally is a better adaptation than a whole eight-part, multi-million budget film series and that’s saying something. How the hell did Nick and Matt write every single one of these characters more accurately and consistently than professional screenwriters and at times, JK Rowling herself? It’s very rare that you ever hear me say that a sequel (I guess it’s technically a prequel) is better than the original but here we are. Don’t get me wrong, AVPM is iconic™ but this show just somehow improved what AVPM already perfected. The plot was much more fleshed out and every single character was written so perfectly and also everybody was casted perfectly. If you follow me you probably know of my love for Remus Lupin and while his character is AVPS is written absolutely ridiculously, it is one of my favourite things about the show. In this show Remus is written to be like this total mess of a person, who is like homeless and just walks around the school half naked, covered in blood and forces a child to eat a dead deer and is just drunk all time and yet I can just totally accept it. Like if the movies had written Remus like this I’d be like “hmm no” but when Brian Holden does it I’m like “um yes this is amazing”. This is quite possibly Starkid’s funniest show, I literally cry of laughter EVERY TIME. Honestly this show is comedic gold for any Harry Potter fan. From anything that comes of Lupin’s mouth or the entirety of Umbridge’s character to Lucius’s dancing.

This being said, I can totally understand why anyone wouldn’t like this or the other Potter shows as much as the others or not think it’s funny if they’re not a fan as most of the humour is based on knowledge of the original series and obviously this for the other parody shows like HMB or ANI. Nonetheless I still think anybody could enjoy this show and its humour as Starkid pretty much has the same sense of humour running throughout most if not all of their shows.

MVP: Brian Holden. I don’t think I need to explain again. But also Tyler Brunsman and Joe Walker are scene-stealers too. Also Corey Dorris as Yaxley in this show is peak comedy.

Favourite song and scene: okay so these kind of go together for me for this show. The whole scene with Those Voices brings me to tears every time. I fucking love the whole marauders era so them showing Sirius Black seeing James and Lily in the Mirror of Erised is more than my heart can take. Nick and Darren in this scene is just *chef’s kiss* and then you add Brian Rosenthal harmonising in the background, well it’s enough to make any girl break and you bet it does every time.

4. Holy Musical B@man!

Oh my god this is just such a fun show and if it was a person, I would die for it. When I first watched this, I wasn’t that big of a DC fan at the time so I couldn’t fully appreciate it for what it was. It’s actually so amazing and it’s a real shame that it sometimes gets overlooked. Nick Gage’s song writing is actually amazing and I really love this soundtrack. I mean I literally get chills every time I listen to the end of Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight. You know which part I’m talking about.

Also can we talk about the costumes for this show? June really fucking outdid herself with this show, they are literally the best costumes out of the whole Starkid canon and you cannot tell me otherwise. Not only did she nail like the classic comic book character costumes like Batman and Superman, etc. while also making them her own but she also created completely original and amazing costumes like Sweet Tooth and Candy. I wish I had even a small percentage of that talent and artistic ability. Anyway this show is so hilarious and also so emotional at the same time it’s not even fair. I’m not a big fan of Batman or Robin and yet this show almost has me changing my mind. And honestly, Nick Lang deserves the fucking world, I absolutely love watching him act and it’s unfortunate he doesn’t do it a lot because he’s amazing.

MVP: Joe Walker. Don’t get me wrong, I love watching Joe play all of his over-the-top comedic roles but I particularly love watching him play a slightly more serious role like this, it’s really refreshing and I really think he knocked it out of the park. Also Jeff Blim as Sweet Tooth is one of my favourite Starkid characters. No joke, 12-year-old me was OBSESSED.

Favourite song: either Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight or Rogues are We.

Favourite Scene:  the whole To Be a Man scene.

“Batman or should I say Butthead”

“Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh”.

If that’s not comedic gold I don’t know what is.

5. A Very Potter Musical

This show is and always will be Starkid’s most iconic show. I think it says a lot that a silly parody musical put on by a group of college students has been able to inspire a whole decade’s worth of beautiful, creative, crazy works of art which only continues to grow. This show was never meant to become what it did but how lucky and fortunate are we all that it did. I am so grateful that 8-9 (tbh I can’t even remember anymore) years ago I decided to watch a silly musical about Harry Potter because I cannot imagine my life without Starkid in it. No this show might not have the best set or props or costumes or sound/video quality (it was 2009 guys, give them a break) but it is absolutely amazing in every single way and that’s all I’m going to say.

MVP: fucking everyone. I mean I’m around the same age they were when they started all of this and I can’t even imagine being able to create something even remotely as creative and wonderful or having any kind of success as close to that any time soon.

Favourite song: I feel like I should go for a classic like Not Alone but I’m not gonna lie I’m a real sucker for Missing You.

Favourite scene: oh man I don’t know the whole show is so iconic. I don’t know how I can pick just one.

6. Black Friday

I’m sure some people would be surprised that this show would be so high on this list for a number of reasons. Mostly due to the fact that I’ve been known to be quite fond of, and pretty biased towards some of Starkid’s older shows. But I think that’s just because I’m really nostalgic for how the fandom was back 8 years ago when I joined. And also when I joined the fandom, HMB was like our TGWDLM. It was the newest show out and everyone was talking about it. And also this is the show I have been rewatching the most lately and vie literally had the album on repeat for the last month.

A lot of people don’t really like the new direction that Starkid has taken with this show and honestly I don’t get it. Yes, it’s considerably darker than their other shows and while they classify it as a horror-comedy, it doesn’t really have a whole lot of comedy. But in my opinion, I think that’s what makes the show so great. The main focus of this show is the characters – their pain, their desires, their struggles and I think any excess of comedy would just take away from what’s really important. I really love watching Starkid delve into this new kind of story-telling and I think they’re doing an amazing job with this Hatchetfield series. I think this show did such a great show of introducing us to all the new characters, developing their arcs and really establishing their role within the world of Hatchetfield while simultaneously blending them perfectly with the already established characters from TGWDLM. What I really like about this show and even TGWDLM is how the characters are written. They feel so real not as cartoonish as some of the characters in Starkid’s previous shows which are why the audience can really relate to these characters.

Also this editing and cinematography of this show is fucking amazing and unlike anything else we’ve gotten from Starkid over the years. The choreography is outstanding and the musical is phenomenal. This is easily Jeff Blim’s best work and I have a feeling some people might disagree with me on that. The music in this show is so beautifully intricate and the lyrics have so much depth and emotion which I just feel like TGWDLM lacks. I know some people have been a bit offstandish about the singing in this show and I guess I’d have to agree. The live vocals on the youtube version do seem a bit off but I just suspect some cast members may have been sick or maybe they were just having an off day (it happens guys, even to professionals). Also I love the additions of some new members to Starkids, everyone was absolutely great in this show. For some of these actors, the characters they played were completely opposite to roles that they’ve played in the past but they all nailed it – Joey, Jon, Lauren. My only complaint in terms of casting is that I wish they gave Jaime more, while she is often praised for her singing skills (rightfully so), she often gets overlooked in her acting abilities and it would be great to see her play a bigger role in the next show.

Also I get it, Santa Claus is going to High School is very hilarious and great but please don’t make it another Workin’ Boys thing. Don’t go demanding Starkid to make a short film for this too, let them focus on their other bigger and better projects, please.

MVP: this show had some of my favourite performances from many Starkids but if I had to say someone who particularly stood out to me it’s definitely Kim. Before Black Friday, I will admit I hadn’t really seen anything with Kim in it so this was a great surprise for me. I am literally in love with her voice; it’s one of the most beautiful things in this world.

Favourite song: Take Me Back. Dylan and Kim are just amazing in this song I can’t even explain how much I love it. I’m also a major fan of Feast or Famine and If I Fail You. Ooh and Made in America.

Favourite Scene: I really love the scene with Tom and Becky in the movie theatre but I also really love the whole What Do You Say scene, I think it’s hilarious. But I think my favourite is with the whole Black and White scene with the President, Wiggly and Wiley. One of Joey’s best performances in my opinion.

7. The Trail to Oregon

So on my last list, this show was considerably higher but, on my recent rewatch of the AVPM shows and HMB, I’ve realised how much I really love those shows and unfortunately TTO had to be downgraded. Don’t get me wrong, I still very much love this show. It’s one of the most fun shows to watch and has me smiling the whole time without fail. In saying this, this show also does an amazing job of adding in these beautiful emotional dramatic scenes that brings the audience to tears. At the end of the day, this show really is just about family and how important it is to love and appreciate them no matter how insane they are or how much they annoy you. I know Jeff is really beloved in the fandom but I still don’t think he gets enough appreciation for how good of a writer (both script and song writing) he is, as well as an actor. This show is so unexpectedly beautiful and I’m really grateful for Jeff creating this story.

I don’t really think this show gets enough credit for how good its production actually is considering it only has six cast members. This show is proof of how diverse, creative and talented all these actors really are. It’s such a different concept from their other shows and I think they executed it so well.

MVP: Joey absolutely smashed it, I’m sure it’s not easy having to play all these different characters and literally change between them in a matter of seconds while giving each of them their own separate, unique identities. Another performer I got to give credit to in this show is Rachael, When the World’s at Stake is an amazing performance and Corey is so funny to watch in this show. Grandpa is probably my favourite character as well as the son.

Favourite song: probably When the World’s at Stake but also Independence. I cannot possibly estimate how much time I spent trying to learn those lyrics and sing it at that speed and get it right but I finally got there.

Favourite scene: the whole scene when the Grandpa, Son and Daughter are hunting makes me laugh every time, it’s so funny. But there’s something about that scene with McDoon and Cletus that ends with them riding on the horse together that makes me crack up.

8. The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals

Okay so I know the last time I did this, TGWDLM was like no 5 or 6 but like it’s been like a year and a half and a lot of my opinions on this show have changed. I’m also aware that by the time the next Starkid show is out I’ll probably also have changed my mind about Black Friday but who knows. I am eternally grateful to this show for introducing me to the amazing Jon Matteson. In a matter of 2 hours, this man somehow became one of my favourite human beings in the world. His portrayal as Paul is just, I don’t even know but something about it just sticks with me and I absolutely love it. This concept of this show is actually so amazing and you really gotta give the Lang’s credit for being able to come up with stuff like this. A lot of the beauty of the show is that it seems like such a simple concept but if you really think about the implications, you can actually understand why it’s so terrifying. Production-wise, this show isn’t anything fancy in terms of set, costumes props, etc. But the lighting design is amaaaaaazinggggggg!

The soundtrack for this show is pretty great but if you’re comparing it to Starkid’s other scores, it’s not the best. I said it before; the music in this just lacks the depth and emotion that is so heavily prominent in the Black Friday score.

MVP: Jon Matteson for the reasons above. And also Joey’s monologue as Ted to Bill gives me chills every time.

Favourite song: I feel like as the show goes on the songs do tend to get more personal, detailed and emotional which I why I probably favour those over many of the songs in act one. Let it Out and Inevitable are two songs in particular that I love and definitely stand out to me.

Favourite scene: the whole Let it Out scene with Jon trying to resist the apotheosis. And also Lauren’s acting at the end of Inevitable is amazing. Her running around the stage, distressed is both so horrifying but also absolutely hilarious.

9. Me and My Dick

I mean I guess I understand why a lot of people don’t like this show but that doesn’t mean I can forgive the fact that it’s so underrated. Yeah the humour is a bit crude and I get that’s not everyone’s thing but literally this show is two and a half hours of pure golden comedy. Honestly, who thought a show about high school kids and their walking and talking genitalia could be one of the most wholesome and heart-warming things in the world. I don’t think anyone other than Starkid could pull of something like this which honestly says so much about them. These people come up with some of the most craziest, outrageous stuff and somehow turn them into beautiful, amazing works of art.

The soundtrack for this show is so freaking good man. And AJ Holmes is literally one of the most amazing and talented people on this earth. How the fuck does he write such good music? I need to know, it’s really not fair. And for all those people who complain that it took Corey Dorris ten years to get a solo, I urge you to simply watch MAMD.

This show doesn’t have the best production and the sound quality is not great but you know what? Fuck you. Because the acting is this show outshines all of that. The energy each of the performers has in this show is crazy and they are all extremely talented. Literally AJ as Joey’s heart is next fucking level. And Arielle is criminally underrated for her role in this. And Nick Strauss is a comedy king. I’ve said it before and will say it again; The Old Snatch and Flopsy are the most iconic duo.

MVP: AJ and Nick. Like I said. Next level and iconic™.

Favourite song: Listen to your heart. But also Even Though. And Finale is a certified bop.

Favourite scene: I love the scene with Dick and Flopsy but I don’t know if it’s my favourite. But one of my favourite quotes is when Dick is talking to Joey about Miss Cooter’s hair and Joey’s delivery of “on her vagina?” cracks me up every time. And honestly there’s not a lot that can beat Brian during Gotta Find His Dick just intensely repeating “Someone tell him where his dick is”. It makes me laugh so hard I really don’t know why.

10. A Very Potter Senior Year

Alright so let me take you back to 2012. I remember the day they posted the video announcing they were not only making another Harry Potter show but that they were bringing back almost every Starkid member. It was actually such a weird time for the fandom because it really did seem like this show was going to be the end of Starkid. When you watch the show, you can see that the actors are not only saying goodbye to Harry Potter and the characters that they had been playing for the last 3 years but also they were saying goodbye to each other. It was heartbreaking to watch then and it still is now 8 years later. 2012 me was absolutely devastated because I had only just discovered this fandom and I thought I would already have to say goodbye to something that become so special to me in such a short amount of time. Luckily for us all this was not the end of Starkid.

This show really holds a special place in my heart, for so many reasons. First off, it was the first Starkid show that I got to watch as it premiered. Second, I was still grieving the end of the Harry Potter movies and these musicals had kind of replaced that for me but then this was ending too. And third, it really just is the most perfectly executed ending to the AVP series.

This show makes me both laugh and then cry and then laugh again and then cry and laugh at the same time. In my opinion, it is one of the best written Starkid shows, on par with the other Potter shows and I think the only reason why it gets overlooked is the fact that it’s a stage reading rather than a proper production. But you know what, considering this show was literally put together in such a short amount of time and the actors literally had a few days’ worth of preparation, they still managed to put on an amazing show. I wholeheartedly believe that if this show had been a proper production, it would be pretty fucking perfect. The soundtrack for this show is probably the best out of all the Potter shows for me. Every one of these songs is a bop and I love them all so much.

Long story short, people need to stop sleeping on AVPSY and appreciate it more.

MVP: Joey Richter. I don’t even need to explain. Just watch Act 2 Part 11. Actually him in the entirety of Act 2. And also that delivery of “losers like us that’s who” just makes me cry every time. How did Starkid portray Ron more accurately in these musicals that WB did?

Favourite song: it’s a tie between I Was and I’m Just a Sidekick.

Favourite scene: The whole scene with the resurrection stone and Everything Ends. Absolute Perfection.

11. ANI

Like the Harry Potter shows, I can understand why people don’t like this show. If youre not a fan of the original text, you probably won’t like the comedy or understand the entire plot or whatever. And honestly that’s the only reason I put this show so low. I have very very little knowledge of Star Wars so pretty much all of the jokes and that go right over my head. However, I still find it very enjoyable to watch and most of that probably has to be credited towards the fact that it has a killer soundtrack and a pretty perfect cast. Also like I said with HMB, I love the rare occasion that we get to see Nick perform. This soundtrack, oh my god, it’s so amazing. Why do people keep overlooking it? I get that it’s different because it’s not the character’s singing it but like that choreography though. Clark Baxtresser has one of the most beautiful voices so you’ll never hear me complaining about a whole score of pretty much just his voice. But that’s just me. I hate how much hate I see for this show. Everyone worked extremely hard on this show, particularly Nick and Matt who wrote the whole thing and the lack of appreciation for it is horrible to see. It’s actually such a fun show, and you can tell the cast had so much fun doing this show because their energy is so great in this.

MVP: Nick Lang. Again, he deserves the world. And Chris Allen is incredible in every role he does but particularly this.

Favourite song: With My Own Eyes and Long Ago and Far Away. I just really love the vocals.

Favourite scene: Nick’s scene as Obi-Wan.

12. Firebringer

CoNtRaVeRsIaL oPiNiOn  but sorry but I don’t like Firebringer. It’s not that I hate it. I’m just not really fan of it or its comedy – mostly because I don’t think it has any. I’ve seen people say that Twisted or MAMD rely too much on using swearing/ profanities for humour but honestly I think that’s more of the case for this show. That’s not to say that there’s not things I don’t like about it. Apart from HMB, this show probably has some of the best costumes. I can’t really fault Nick and Matt’s writing too much but I have to say this is some of their weakest work. I don’t think the plot as a whole is bad I just think there’s parts that don’t work for me or just don’t feel right. And I’m not really a fan of the characters and their development. I never thought I’d ever be able to say that I dislike any role of Meredith’s but honestly I find her character really unlikeable and I know people might attack me for that but it’s just my opinion. I like Zazzalil, I think Lauren did a great job, as always but I don’t know I just don’t think there’s any particular character or performance that really stands out for me in this show. If I’m being completely honest, I have only been able to watch the full run of this show twice, maybe three times and it has been a while since the last time I watched it but if I’m being honest I don’t see myself sitting down to watch it again any time soon. One thing I can definitely praise this show on is the female and LGBTQ+ representation, although that should go unsaid but even in 2020, seeing positive representations of female, LGBTQ+ or POC in media is still somehow refreshing and surprising and ain’t that just a little bit sad?. Another thing I can praise this show on is the music, I actually quite enjoy majority of the soundtrack.

MVP: Both of the Lauren’s. Lauren Lopez because she’s amazing in everything but especially in this, I’m so happy she finally got a lead role, she deserved it 100%. And Lauren Walker is just fucking hilarious. Why hasn’t she been in another Starkid show since?

Favourite song: probs climate change

Favourite scene: like I said, there’s really not a lot that stands out to me in this show so I really don’t know what to pick.

[insert-pun-here-now]

Shooting Star- All or Nothing- Part 2

Masterpost

“Thank God!” Tina yelled, rushing over to hug Blaine. He jerked back, stiffly. His movements were more robotic than anything, eyes fixed blankly ahead as he slowly tilted his head downwards to look at Tina, eyes burning from the number of times he rubbed it on his sleeve, unable to use his hands due to them being covered in Marley’s blood.

Tina took in the sad environment, the glassy eyes, the dried tear tracks on everybody’s faces, their silence, the blood. She looked around, trying to find people missing. “Where’s Marley and Brittany?”

“We don’t know where Brittany is,” Joe admitted.

“But Marley? I thought she was with you,” Tina asked, confused, then the shock began to really catch up to her, taking in their faces, taking in everything. The pain, the sorrow, the regret, the guilt.

“She was.” Artie’s hands were hanging out of the sides of his wheelchair, eyes glazed over and staring into the distance. “Then she wasn’t.”

“I should have been there.” Tina’s hands flew up to her mouth, horrified. “I should have been with you guys.”

“No you shouldn’t,” Blaine rasped softly, voice cracking.

“I wanted to be with you guys!” Tina yelled back.

“It wasn’t nice, Tina. You wouldn’t have... we all didn’t...” Blaine stared at the sky.

“We stick together!”

“Did we ever, for Marley?” Unique shouted, voice wavering slightly as she stepped up to Tina, seeing Blaine unresponsive. “Do you want to know what happened in there? She was beaten. She was battered. She was so thin her ribs cracked with a little force. She was so weak it took a man stepping on her wrist to break it. And all the while we realized that we weren’t the best to her. He beat her and shot her because she took attention away from Kitty by saying she was the one who was a burden to all of us by losing Sectionals! And you know the last thing she said? SHE FUCKING APOLOGIZED TO US FOR EVERYTHING! In low self-esteem language, that means she was sorry she even existed in our lives to begin with. Let that sink in. She. Was. Sorry. She. Existed. Marley Rose, our own version of your Rachel, had such low self-esteem that she was sorry she existed,” Unique scoffed, stepping closer. “No one has passed out at Sectionals before. But I don’t think you let someone feel so underappreciated they were sorry for their own existence.”

“Unique...” Ryder whispered, stepping forward. “Let it be.”

“Hell no I’m not letting this be!” Unique spun around to face him angrily, her face turning redder as her voice rose higher and higher. “I was her best friend! She had my back since day one! I should have had her back! Maybe then she wouldn’t be this worse off... maybe then she wouldn’t have been shot at all...” Her voice became nothing more than a whisper.

It didn’t escape anybody that she used was.

Sure, Marley could be a little extra, a little goofy, sunny, stubborn, her sense of justice too strong sometimes, her sense of morality an annoying trait that made people think she was a goody-two-shoes most of the time. Maybe her songwriting wasn’t the best, maybe her songwriting needed a little improvement, but maybe if they all worked together they could create a masterpiece.

They were all works in progress, but Marley was the best out of all of them.

(Rachel would later state that of all the members so far, Marley was the only one who hadn’t cheated on anybody, hadn’t been a total bitch, hadn’t done anything that was remarkably stupid and wrong. Eating disorders didn’t count- they realized with Mercedes and Quinn before and Kitty later. To Ryder he found it bitter that it took Kitty coming out with an ED for everybody to take it seriously. Everybody found it bitterly ironic even later, when the truth came out about Kitty’s involvement.)

Joe sighed, slouching slightly as he cast his eyes up skywards, hoping to God that with one member down, they could find the other one quickly safely and unharmed.

Jake spoke up, voice thick, echoing everybody’s feelings, thoughts... anything.

“Brittany got shot too.”

The world around Sam shifted and tilted on its axis as he gaped at the younger Puckerman, staring right at him mouth ajar. “You’re kidding. How did you know? Where is she? Where the fuck-? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?! Tell me fucking where she is!” Sam roared, closing the distance in an instant and grabbing the front of Jake’s shirt. “ANSWER ME!”

“When I went outside to look for help... I checked everywhere for other people. I heard Brittany crying in one of the corners. She was bleeding quite badly and I helped her outside... and then she told me not to blame myself,” Jake whispered. “That’s when I got the paramedics to go back for Marley.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“My heart shattered. I didn’t want yours to break either.”

“Piece of shit!” Sam yelled, shoving Jake back. Mr. Schue stopped Sam from attacking Jake any further by throwing a hand across his chest to block him. “You should have just told me!”

“Like it would have made anything better!” Jake shouted back.

“You don’t know me,” Sam snarled. Coach Beiste stepped up, separating the two.

“That’s enough. You both arguing isn’t going to reverse what happened. We need to calm down, now.”

“I need to call Kurt,” Blaine said suddenly, stepping away and tapping at his phone. “I need to tell him- I can’t- I can’t...”

“It’s okay,” Sugar whispered, rubbing his back. “We’re here.”

“No,” he choked out, fumbling with his phone and putting it up to his ear. “Kurt, please, pick up. Pick up. Pick up.”

A choked sob, as he almost collapsed to the ground, his knees weak as he finally heard Kurt’s simple, “Hello? Blaine?”

“Kurt.” His voice was choked, as if someone was strangling him. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, or anything. “Kurt, I love you.”

“I don’t understand-“

“I love you,” Blaine repeated forcefully this time, before sobbing. “I just... I just wanted you... I just wanted you to know that. I needed for you to know that. And I know I’ve apologized a million times for what I’ve done and did a lot of terrible things and I know we’re reconnecting again but-“ Blaine sank to the floor, on his knees, hands covered in Marley’s blood as he stared at the stains. “There was a shooting in the school.”

There was a gasp over the phone as Kurt fumbled with something, glass shattering in the background. He could hear Santana and Rachel in the background, yelling about something. About breaking glass. They abruptly stopped, there were murmurs of concern, then- that was Rachel’s voice now. “You’re on speaker, Blaine.”

“I- I just... we had something happen. Something happened and the school was shot up,” Blaine said, and Rachel’s gasp could be heard over the phone.

“Are you okay?” Rachel asked, gently. “Was anyone hurt?”

“I’m okay physically.” There was a sigh of relief over the phone. “Brittany and Marley got hurt.”

Utter silence.

“Britt and Marley got hurt?” Santana asked, slowly. She was in shock. She was in disbelief. She sounded like she wanted someone to slap her to get her back into reality.

It finally registered in Blaine’s head that Santana still loves Brittany. She was still head over heels in love with Brittany and no one could say anything about it, even if Brittany is dating Sam at the moment. And Marley was her mentee. Santana was fiercely protective of anyone she considered to be worth protecting. Blaine wondered if Santana could see what he sees in the newbies: potential. Brittany was self-explanatory but he wondered why Santana was attached to Marley. Maybe they were closer than he thought.

With all that was said and done, would Santana feel guilty too?

“Baby Blaine? You still there?”

Blaine blinked back into reality, forcing himself to look away from the incriminating red on his hands and getting to his feet and walking. Each step felt like he was sinking into cement, deeper and deeper. He was walking in an aimless direction.

“Y-yeah, I’m still here.” It felt like someone dumped an ice cold bucket in his face, shocking him. Santana’s voice felt like that at the moment, probably taking over speaking since Rachel was probably busy with Kurt, who he could hear sobbing in the background. “For now.”

“No, don’t you dare speak like that,” Santana snapped, and there was a rustle as she shifted. “I don’t care where everybody is now, I will call for a full New Directions reunion even if I have to drag Puckerman’s ass out of college and whip Finn into coming back. They are his students, and if Mr. Schue was caught in the crossfire like that, then he’s no use. I don’t care if Mr. Schue and Finn are feuding, I don’t care if you all say you’re fine because you’re all clearly not. I am dragging the entire New Directions back to Lima and you will not say a word to stop anything about it.”

“Santana, I-“

“Blaine Anderson if you are about to say that it’s too much for us to suddenly come there and possibly leave everything behind abruptly, I’m sorry, but Rachel and Kurt are packing as we speak and they have sent texts to Puck, Finn, Quinn, Mike and Mercedes and they have AGREED, so shut your pie hole about it and accept our love! I don’t give it out that easy. God, I think I see why I let Berry organize these things...”

Blaine closed his eyes and smiled, listening to Santana rant in the background. He knew it was to distract him from the madness around him as the paramedics came up to him and looked him over.

“You okay, man?” Ryder asked softly, coming up to him.

“No. I don’t think I’ll ever be,” Blaine said, knowing that Santana was trying to act extra tough and sassy to hide the fact that she was downright terrified.

“Blaine- stop,” Santana huffed. “They will get through this. Look, I will flay you if you tell anybody else but... I’m scared too. I’m scared for Baby Marley and Britt. I know there’s so much more you’re not telling me because you can’t bring yourself to tell me. I’m downright terrified that you’re not telling me fucking anything other than there was a shooting and both of them were hurt. But we’re coming back, we’re not letting you guys go through this alone, alright? We are family, and if the newbs don’t know that yet, they’re going to know it now.” A pause. “I’m not just saying that ‘cause Puckerman’s brother is in there and he’s literal family.”

“Santana, you are a secret softie.”

“Shut up.” She paused for a moment. “Kurt wants the phone back. We’re all hopping onto the first flight as soon as we can. I’ll leave you both to talk things out later, alright? He’s a mess.”

“Alright. See you soon, Santana.”

“Take care of yourself, baby Blaine. And remember: you’re alive now. And you’re safe.”

Blaine hung up the call as Ryder placed himself next to him. Everybody was getting rollcalled, Coach Beiste and Mr. Schuester were called by Sue Sylvester to help the rest of the teachers do rollcall. Blaine imagined the tears that came when mentioning Marley’s name. It felt like a stab in his heart as Kitty joined him and Artie was just in his wheelchair, staring at the sky blankly. Jake was keeping a wide berth from Sam, who was talking to Unique and Tina. Joe and Sugar were trying to pray together, but they were practically supporting each other.

Kitty’s mouth opened, then shut suddenly. Then... “I didn’t get to tell Marley it wasn’t her.”

“Wasn’t her what?” Ryder asked.

But Kitty just shook her head, suddenly sobbing and curling into Blaine’s side as he put his arm around her and let her sob into his shirt. Artie was practically indisposed, staring into space. Sam was dry-heaving. Unique was actually vomiting into the ground, Tina rubbing both of their backs. Jake was kicking the shit out of a tree, yelling and screaming in frustration as he also picked up rocks and chucked it at the tree, barely satisfied when the rocks made a heavy thunk on the tree.

Ryder was just looking at Jake, sliding out of his seat and watched him pull back his fist and punch the tree as if it would make everything go away. For all his efforts, the tree barely moved. With a roar, Jake continued to slam his fist into the tree. His shoulders shook with silent sobs as every punch grew weaker and weaker as he finally threw a slow punch, missing the tree entirely, and then sliding to the ground as his back hit the tree.

“Did you get it out of your system?” Ryder asked quietly.

“No,” Jake muttered, but he made no move to get up. He was panting heavily, sweating hard, though Ryder couldn’t tell the difference between his tears and his sweat. “I’m her boyfriend, Ryder. I’m her fucking boyfriend and I didn’t see this. I didn’t fucking see any of this.”

“I’m pretty sure none of us ever saw a school shooting to happen today, so...”

“No!” Jake shouted, and Ryder flinched slightly, but relaxed. “I mean her. I didn’t see any of that. I didn’t see that she needed help. I didn’t see that she still relapsed. I didn’t see she didn’t love herself. I didn’t see because I was fucking blind to all of it!” Jake picked up a stone and hurled it far away from them.

“Love is a blindfold,” Ryder said softly, staring into the distance. “You love someone so much that you don’t see their flaws. It doesn’t matter what kind of love it is, you just think they’re perfect and can do no wrong. You put them on a pedestal and turn a blind eye to what falls from the top because you’re focused on the perfect artefact.”

“When did you get so wise?” Jake smiled, though it was mostly forced. Ryder would still take it.

“Because that’s what I did with Katie. And it’s what I did before... but that’s a story for another day.” Ryder patted his shoulder awkwardly, and noticed Jake was still heaving, panting from his efforts to destroy the tree. “I think we all owe Marley an apology.”

Ryder was absolutely gutted. He thought she stopped. He thought everything was okay. But no. He should have pushed. Should have done something. But now it’s too late. It’s too late and Marley absolutely paid the price.

“Guys...” Kitty’s voice drew all of them back to the present as Joe and Sugar came up to Blaine and Kitty, hands outstretched to Kitty who looked like she was going to faint. “I... I don’t feel so good.”

“Did you eat?” was the first question that popped into Joe’s mind, frowning at her.

“No... I missed one of Sue’s shakes today...”

Artie looked back at Kitty and at Unique and Sam vomiting and having a panic attack respectively. Sam was rocking back and forth, hands over his ears and whimpering. Unique sighed as she stopped vomiting, looking tired, and Tina was trying really hard to comfort them both, looking up to Artie for help.

“Mr. Schue!” Artie yelled, rolling over the ground to get to the four staff members deep in discussion about the situation. Coach Beiste had silent tears rolling down her face. Sue was comforting Becky with a hand on her back. Miss Pillsbury had looked up at Artie shouting, Joe catching Kitty as she collapsed, Unique and a bunch of vomit in front of her, Sam having a panic attack. Ryder and Blaine were trying to help Tina with Sam. Sugar was running to the teachers, looking terrified. “Mr. Schue we need help.”

“Will,” Emma said, swatting Will’s hand. “We need to help them!”

“Go and help them,” Sue said, trying to calm Becky down. “I’ll stay with Becky.”

“Hey, hey,” Will said, crouching by Sam. “It’s Mr. Schue. You’re safe now.”

“No-no- no we have to get out, Mr. Schue, we have to get out, we have to get out-“ Sam gasped for a breath, grasping at Blaine blindly. Blaine hardly blinked, as Ryder put a hand on his back, but instead of rubbing aimlessly like Tina, he motioned for Sam to lean against Blaine.

“Can you feel his heartbeat?” Ryder asked quietly. “Can you try to match his?”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Schue, we got Sam. Help Unique, I think she’s throwing up due to nerves and stress and Kitty passed out,” Blaine whispered, controlling his breathing to keep his heartbeat steady. “Tina, could you help Sugar in getting us all some water?”

“We’re going to the hospital in a bit,” Will whispered. “If you want to go home, that’s fine. I don’t blame you.”

“No. Us Glee freaks stick together,” Ryder said sadly. “And I don’t think we’re leaving each other alone, not for a hot minute. I think we all... have something to say to each other.”

“And the others... they’re coming back. Something about supporting us, organized by Santana,” Blaine muttered. “I tried to talk them out of it, but you know Santana...”

“I think we need their help,” Will admitted, hanging his head. “I should have known something was up. I just... thought you kids could handle it.”

Blaine smiled sadly. “As you say, we’re only kids.”

Will got up to help Joe with Kitty, who was pale, paler than ever. The paramedics looked her over then frowned.

“She needs to be taken to the hospital. She’s very dehydrated, she’s severely underweight. She has electrolyte imbalances, which could lead to fatality.”

“What?”

“We need to move to the hospital now.”

[kpoptimeout]

Top 10 Most Underrated K-pop Songs of 2019 (Artist Edition)

2019 has come and gone before we knew it.  

Continuing with the K-Pop Timeout Tradition (see 2018 Ver) of listing the Top 10 Most Underrated K-Pop Songs because all the other sites are just bothered with the Top 10 that pretty much everyone will have heard of/have fan wars over, below are our top 10 picks of songs that did not rank high (and with MVs just around or below 1 million views too) but deserves your attention! 

This is the list for artists’ tracks, so the Top 10 underrated non-idol tracks. Click here for the Top 10 underrated idol tracks of 2019. Unlike usual years where there is a separate post made for Top 10 underrated K-Drama OSTs, this year there is instead posts for the Top 20 most underrated K-Pop songs of the decade.

Some of the non-idol artists have escaped the list in recent years to stardom (for example DPR LIVE, CRUSH and MAD CLOWN) so hopefully, it happens again!

This is in alphabetic order NOT in the order of awesomeness because all of them are awesome. Also, all MVs are linked in the song titles because Tumblr won’t let me share that many videos in one post.

ADOY “Lemon”

It is strange that this song somehow did not make ADOY more well-known in South Korea and among K-Pop fans. They have such a laid-back and fresh sound perfect for CFs and fan edits but somehow this indie electronic rock band still only has 9609 likes on Facebook and their song “LEMON”, has less than 200K views at the point of writing this. “LEMON” is a refreshing and soothing indie rock track with an 80s synth melody loop. It is basically if ice lemon tea was a song and it was a great song. If you like chill 80s-inspired music, you would love ADOY’s “Lemon”!

Colde “Control Me”

One half of RnB duo offonoff and a member of DEAN, Crush and Punchnello and more’s artist collective Club Eskimo, Colde provides an amazing solo song in the form of “Control Me”. The song is a smooth RnB track that hits all the right spots - the somewhat conversational like singing building up to the chorus, and the chorus itself which is extremely catchy. Colde’s rapping is also just as fire as his singing. The MV only just surpassed 1 million views but it really deserves so much more since it complements the song so well, with everything filmed like it was done in one shot as different versions of Colde appear to serenade you on the screen. If you are already a fan of DEAN and Crush, you should also check out this amazing song by their friend Colde!

Crispy Chae “A letter from Wendy” ft. Gato Ray

With how popular lofi study playlists are, it is surprising how little love Crispy Chae’s “A letter from Wendy” received because it would fit perfectly in such a playlist. Maybe it is because this song does not even have a proper MV besides the video made by Mellowbeat Seeker. However, this does not stop this song from being an extremely underrated quality indie track. Crispy Chae has a beautiful voice that is both husky and child-like at the same time, making the transitions between skilled harmonies and the conversational chorus all the more memorable. Additionally, this song was sung predominantly in English and should really be making more rounds in the increasingly global K-Pop fanbase. If you love Suran’s music, you would really enjoy this song by Crispy Chae!

dosii “lovememore.”

City pop is definitely making its comeback in 2019, with Takeuchi Mariya’s “Plastic Love” finally getting its much deserved MV, western city pop acts like PREP gaining more popularity and veteran K-pop stars like Sunmi and Yubin trying out this sound. dosii, an R&B duo comprised of Choi Jonghyuk and Jeon Jihye, also dives into city pop in “lovememore.”, which is definitely one of the best and most underrated indie K-pop tracks of the year. The song sounded both like an authentic 80s city pop jam but also includes distortion effects and producing techniques used more often in current music. Honestly, it is an absolute masterpiece and the less than 800K views the MV has received since February is ridiculous.  If you loved Sunmi’s “Black Pearl”, you would fall in love with “lovememore.”!

ELO, PENOMECO “LOVE?” ft. GRAY

While this song did only come out in early November, I am still confused why such a great hip-hop collaboration has less than 500K views. Like all GRAY involved works, this is classy and catchy. What makes this song stand out from a lot of great K-Hip Hop collaborations is the way ELO, PENOMECO and GRAY’s voices work together. They have three very distinctive vocal colours - ELO has an extremely melodic voice, PENOMECO has a breathy and high-pitched way of singing and rapping while GRAY’s tone is deep and relaxed. This makes for a very colourful and fun song. If you like a strong K-Hip Hop collaboration, “LOVE?” by ELO, PENOMECO and GRAY is the song for you!

Jung Jinwoo “Nowhere”

Ever since K-Pop Star Season 5, Jung Jinwoo has proven to be a phenomenal RnB singer-songwriter and have continued to improve after his signing to Planetarium Records. It is shocking that he and the other PLT boys are still relatively unknown, even though they have only dropped bops. His newest song “Nowhere” is arguably one of the best Korean RnB tracks of 2019 and showcases his further honed production and singing skills - his voice is super light, clear and smooth with a mild tinge of huskiness. Just 71K views for such a superb song makes no sense. If you are a fan of DEAN and Crush, you would be obsessed with this song!

LEEBADA “ㅎㅇ (High)” ft. PENOMECO

This is another K-RnB masterpiece that seemed to have completely flew under the radar to K-Pop fans. Playing on the Korean internet abbreviation for Hi (ㅎㅇ) and High, this song has classy drinks lounge music vibes but is also playful at the same time, fully showcasing LEEBADA’s high-pitched and airy vocals. PENOMECO’s addition in the song is perfect, as his voice and LEEBADA’s work together so well, like the male and female counterparts of the same singing style. If you are a huge fan of HEIZE’s music, you would really enjoy LEEBADA’s “ㅎㅇ (High)”! 

LIM KIM “YELLOW”

Back in 2015, every K-Pop fan knew Lim Kim for her quirky electro-pop sound as she dominated charts and was Mystic Entertainment’s it girl. However, her return after 4 years received little to no attention for unknown reasons. Not only is Lim Kim back but she returned stronger than ever, taking on a much more aggressive and edgy persona while singing and rapping about female empowerment and fighting against the objectification of Asian women. “YELLOW” combines traditional East Asian orchestral instrumentals with electronic beats and Lim Kim’s unique mixture of chanting, singing and rapping, creating a powerful anthem in the process. If you are a fan of Lim Kim from before or is a fan of artsy and experimental music in general with a strong message, you would love Lim Kim’s “YELLOW”!

PRIMARY “Bad High” ft. Jade

PRIMARY is definitely one of the best producers in K-Pop, with ground-breaking and beautiful collaborations with Zion.T, Hyukoh, Beenzino etc., oftentimes before the acts are even known in the mainstream. PRIMARY continues this in “Bad High”, working with Jade, the main vocalist of virtual girl band XGirls. This song is phenomenal not only because it sounds good, but also because it goes in directions you never expect it to go. Starting off, the song sounds like the emotional and slow-paced folk-pop/rock works of Lucid Fall and Hyukoh, then it switches up to a satisfying drop in the chorus, where the aggressive use of hi-hat loops changes the slow-paced song to an exciting ethereal art-pop sound of the likes of Grimes. The MV is also beautiful and unsettling simultaneously. Why this masterpiece has only 97K views at the time of writing this is beyond me when PRIMARY has so clearly outdone himself yet again. If you enjoy PRIMARY’s past works and also experimental art-pop, you would love “Bad High”!

RAD MUSEUM “Dancing In The Rain” ft. Jusén

After Hyukoh and Jannabi’s rise to the mainstream, one would expect more attention to be given to indie artists with unique vocals. However, RAD MUSEUM seemed to have flown under the radar even though the vocalist is all sorts of unique with his piercing and emotional vocals which seems to combine soul, alternative RnB, and indie rock all in one. Maybe it is the lack of an MV and big label promotions but this live performance video would show you the charms of this phenomenal artist who is also a part of Club Eskimo and his amazing song “Dancing In The Rain”. This song is simply art - it feels pop-rock like Sting’s “Shape of My Heart” but the way it is delivered also feels like soul and RnB. If you want to be blown away by talent, you should check out RAD MUSEUM’s “Dancing In The Rain”!

Which non-idol songs do you think were underrated this year? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below and let the song sharing begin!!!

[jackdawyt]

Most of you will have heard about this recent article by Jason Schreier as he comments on the current state of BioWare, Anthemand the next Dragon Age game's development. I'm glossing over the whole 'Anthem is a mess' narrative, and jumping straight to the important juicy Dragon Age news.

So, without further ado, it's imperative that we just jump straight into this story from the very start! So let's crack on with it!

The production on Dragon Age 4 {title still not announced} reportedly started in 2017, under the leadership of Mark Darrah and veteran Dragon Age creative director Mike Laidlaw.

With the departure of studio general manager Aaron Flynn and Anthem in a desperate state, Darrah was parachuted into theAnthem team as executive producer.

This iteration of Dragon Age 4 was code-named Joplin, and those who were working on it have stated that they were excited by creative director Mike Laidlaw’s vision for the project.

The project was named after Janis Joplin as the game aims to be revolutionary for the Role-Playing Game genre, proving to be a landmark on the franchise.

The next Dragon Age will also be the fourth installment in the series following in the same vein as Janis Joplin and her massive success with her fourth album launch, BioWare felt inspired to name the project after Janis' achievements.

However, Anthem received flack, by October, it was on fire. BioWare had decided to make some massive changes.

That summer, studio general manager Aaryn Flynn departed, to be replaced by a returning Casey Hudson.

As part of this process, the studio canceled Joplin. Laidlaw quit shortly afterward, and BioWare restarted Dragon Age 4 with a tiny team under the code name 'Morrison'.

The code name Morrison is a call back to Jim Morrison, a legendary American songwriter renowned for being an influential front-man in rock history. He went on to create the rock band - The Doors.

This is what was meant when we heard the news that the next Dragon Age project had been 'rebooted', the fact that Laidlaw left, with his creative vision.

Morrison is seemingly what remains of the skeleton team working on Dragon Age 4, the likes of Patrick Weekes, John Epler, Mark Darrah, Nick Thornborrow, etc. Each of these developers are Dragon Age franchise veterans.

Meanwhile, the studio moved the bulk of Dragon Age 4’s developers to Anthem, which needed all of the company’s resources if it was going to hit the ship date that EA was demanding.

One big change that’s already been enacted at BioWare is a new technology strategy.

Developers still at the studio say that under Casey Hudson, rather than start from scratch yet again, the next Dragon Age will be built on Anthem’s codebase.

BioWare have stated that they will share more on what this means for the game in the near future.

Parts of 'sharing Anthem's codebase' mean that BioWare will avoid throwing out huge amounts of work developers put into adapting Frostbite.

Jason Schereir has confirmed on Reddit that we'll be getting an updated news story hopefully this week regarding Dragon Age 4 in the near future.

Of course, you're already in the right place when the second that information drops, which should be this week!

Okay so opinion time!

The fact that Dragon Age was pushed aside for the likes of Anthem is upsetting to all BioWare fans, however, I feel this isn't the most pressing news to be alarmed about.

Regarding the whole, Dragon Age 4 will share the same codebase as Anthem, all this means is that the next Dragon Age will build on the existing tech used for Anthem. This is exactly what I mentioned in my previous video, the idea that sharing resources on the Frostbite Engine would be handy for BioWare given the trouble with the Frostbite engine.

Sharing the same codebase is in no way, shape or form declaring that the next Dragon Age game will be multiplayer, we already know that their working on a separate multiplayer feature for the game, as they've hired a new, side team to embark on that task alongside the development of the main game.

How I envision Dragon Age 4 basing it's codebase on Anthem's is simply by using it's most upgraded presets within the Frostbite engine as BioWare have constantly innovated it with three previous games, each systematically adding and changing mechanics within the software.

Dragon Age: Inquisition layered the foundations for their first role-playing game in the Frostbite engine, Mass Effect Andromedastretched out the engine with larger maps and fast vehicle usage, and Anthem innovated with it's flying mechanics with a streamed-in world.

I've seen a lot of people worried about using Anthem's codebase and what could this mean, and by a lot of people I mean Reddit. One particular comment I noted said, why don't BioWare just use the same codebase as Dragon Age: Inquisition since that was the previous RPG title that the team is most comfortable with.

Well, if you think about it, the codebase for Inquisition is at least 5 years old now, and not to mention a large part of that games was brought down due to previous game-generation limitations, as Inquisition released on both PS3 and Xbox 360. It's probably a super outdated preset on the Frostbite engine, whereas Anthem's codebase is higher tech, more developed and not to mention super recent.

It makes sense for Dragon Age 4 to share the same codebase and resources as Anthem, this is in no way saying that the next Dragon Age is going to be stickily multiplayer, it's just an improvement regarding the tech of the Frostbite engine.

I feel a lot of these confessed mistakes for Anthem's developments show an optimistic light for the next Dragon Age game, BioWare are embracing their mistakes once more, this time with Anthem and BioWare's A team.

They've learned throughout the course of creating three games on the Frostbite engine, each from scratch is a very hard thing to do. So instead, they've decided only now for the next Dragon Age, they're going to share the presets from their most recent, previous title.

This is exactly the same situation as how Fallout 4 is built upon Skyrim's engine, they ported the presets of their tech for Skyrim into a next generation level of the Creation Engine and then began creating Fallout 4. If anything, I see this as a positive, it shows that BioWare have learned how chaotic the Frostbite engine is, and now they've decided to make their lives easier, they can actually speed up development on new projects because they'll have a template and needn't start from scratch.

And judging my Anthem's latest tech within the engine, the gameplay is super fun, the world is streamed in and allows for tight flight controls whilst looking beautiful all at the same time. I've made a video literally explaining the Frostbite engine's developments with Anthem, and how they pave the way for Dragon Age 4.

Using previous games as build templates just sounds like a typical games design motto, I feel perhaps this gets bad press because Anthem wasn't a BioWare epic and it's an always online multiplayer experience, however, the motivation is still the same.

Moving on, It's disheartening to see that BioWare have responded with an underwhelming, lacking reply which attempts to throw shade at the likes of Jason Schreier who're just showcasing the mistakes of Anthem, so BioWare can learn.

It's almost hypercritical, it's like we, as a studio can call our games a mistake, but how dare you point out the flaws and call it journalism.

To nip this in the bud, I feel like there are two teams within BioWare, the sympathetic developers who deeply love their games, and will actually come out and say when something went wrong, as noted by Jason's sources.

And then there's the EA side in BioWare, who're conflicted against them, controlling every word from the studio and not accepting room for growth or improvement.

We can see from Jason's article that plenty of the BioWare developers have spoke out, regarding the studio and Anthem's developments, there not all EA puppets. So, there's seemingly a few decent bunch in the studio who care for sharing the studio's current state to the public.

Trying to end this positively, the fact that the next Dragon Age has been 'rebooted' shows that the studio hasn't given up on this franchise, that there trying to work it out in the best way possible, that they will give the game it's due time and care. And lets not forget the masterminds working on the project as mentioned before!

If the title had merely been a failure without Mike Laidlaw's vision, they'd have given up on the game, but no, there's still hope for the future of this franchise. They've found a way to reboot the project, following a different vision and seemingly unique enough to be given a new project title.

It doesn't seem like it'll be that long before we hear what this could potential mean, and how the next Dragon Age as been rebooted, examining what the differences are between project Joplin and Morrison.

Sheer speculation on my part, but other than Jason delving into when we'll hear from Dragon Age next, I feel he could have a bigger story on the horizon.