#and i think its understood im not there yet and wouldnt say it back but i feel its weird unspoken thing if one person says it and the other

[lingeringdesires505]

maybe its for the best

rin itoshi x reader

angst

rin can’t stop blaming himself, he knows hes at fault, that hes the reason the two of you had broken up. rin’s life mainly revolved around soccer, until he met you. all his life, his only goal was to beat his brother, itoshi sae, and show him how he too could be good at soccer. little did he know, he would be so caught up in his obsession with competing against his brother would ruin a relationship he had cherished so much.

28 April, 10.58 p.m.

The night you two broke up, it was after one of his late night trainings. despite being tired and burnt out, he still stayed back after training, pushing himself to his limit, in hopes that his skill would be up to par with his brother’s.

you laid in your shared bed with him, wondering when he would come home. his soccer training should have ended at 9 p.m., yet he was still not home. seeing the clock almost striking 11, you became more and more worried about your lover. you had sent him multiple texts, but none were read.

“he must be staying back after training again,” you thought to yourself. despite the constant reminders not to overexert himself, and that he should rest more, rin never listened to you. he would either brush you off, saying it was no big deal and that he wasnt tired, or just ignore you. you understood that he was feeling lots of stress especially with the upcoming soccer match, but you just couldnt stand there and see him destroy himself like this. it certainly wasnt healthy and beneficial for his physical or mental health.

as you reached the stadium, you saw a familiar figure doing his routines.

“rin! ive been worried about you. its already 11 p.m., you should come home and rest!” you called out to him as you ran towards him.

“ just a few more minutes…im almost done. after im done, we can go home, okay? “ he said without looking back to you.

as much as you wanted to let him finish, you could already tell he was extremely tired. the sweat running down his forehead and muscles, the heavy panting that you knew all to well — he was already pushing his limits, if you were to let him continue, he might over exhaust himself, doing more harm than good to his body.

“ rinnie, please, youre at your limit already, please just stop! youre going to hurt yourself at this rate! “ you begged him to stop, but he wouldnt listen. tears started to well up in your eyes as you grew more and more anxious, why wouldnt he just stop hurting himself like this and listen to you?

it wasnt long before rin snapped.

“do you really think im that weak?! besides, what i do to my own body is none of your business! youre just another obstacle in the way of my success, just leave me alone you lukewarm piece of shit, god damn it!” he shouted, his eyes filled with anger as he finally looked over to you.

that was when he realised he fucked up.

his heart ached as he saw hot tears streaming down your red cheeks. no, wait, he didnt mean it!

“please baby, wait, i didnt mean it. im so sorry i said that, please..” he immediately stopped what he was doing to run towards you, forcefully hugging you, frantically apologising.

you didnt say anything. you couldnt say anything. you were in disbelief — the man that you had loved with all your heart, the man that you cared for so deeply, wanted you to leave him alone? was this truly the way he felt about you? just an obstacle? a lukewarm piece of shit?

“baby please, i didnt mean any of that… its all my fault, i know you want the best for me. forgive me please… please, say something!” this time, rin was the one of the verge of tears.

“so that’s how you feel about me?… you want me to leave you alone?…” you managed to stutter out, trying hard not to start bawling on the spot. how could he say something so hurtful?

“fine. if that’s how you want it, dont contact me ever again rin, it’s over between us.”

you ran back to your car before rin could react and slammed the door shut, driving off to your shared apartment to pack your things and move out. you weren’t just angry, you were upset.

you couldnt believe this was how your relationship with rin was going to end. you always thought of rin as someone you would continue to love and care for, someone you would grow old with.

that night, rin laid on the grass in the stadium, looking up at the night sky, head filled with regrets, heart aching.

present

was it really worth it? rin always asked himself. sure, he managed to show to his brother that his soccer skills were excellent, but that didnt make him happy. in fact, after the two of you had broken up, nothing made him happy. how could he be happy without you? he was struggling to even live a day without you.

rin would spend countless sleepless nights scrolling through his photo gallery, looking at photos you had forced him to take with you. the poor man couldnt even sleep without your scent. he would often try and find old articles of clothing you had left behind around the house — it was the only way he could sleep, with your scent.

he would spend many hours training, even if there wasnt any upcoming matches. he was desperate to find any sort of distraction to distract himself from thinking about you.

some nights after training, he prayed that you would still be there outside the stadium, waiting to drive him home. he prayed that he could see you again, hear your sweet voice and hearty laugh again. he was so desperate to hear your voice again, he didnt care if he had to hear your nagging or your complaints, he just needed to hear you again, to see that pretty face of yours.

rin always thought about how foolish he was. before he met you, he felt that unfortunate things always happened to him. he always thought about how terrible and unlucky his life was. that was until he met you. you were like a blessing from heaven, an angel that came and brightened up his dull, lukewarm life. he wished he had known how to appreciate you earlier. if only he had opened his eyes and see how much you had loved and cared for him.

it feels like torture scrolling through your instagram page, seeing you move in with your new boyfriend, seeing you have dinner dates with him. he knows your new boyfriend treats you way better than he ever did, and he feels happy that your being taken good care of, but deep down, his heart was being ripped into shreds. it felt so wrong, but he couldnt stand the thought of you laughing, or smiling for another man. you were already moving on with life, getting ready to marry your boyfriend, and there was nothing he could do about it.

rin accepted that he could never be at peace with himself, especially since he had fucked up the only good thing in his life. it was too late for regrets, the only thing he could do now was make sure that you were safe and happy from afar.

———————————————————————————

thank you for reading!

word count: 1.2k

feel free to request!

please dont steal

@lingeringdesires505 2024

[istherewifiinhell]

back on the grief train woo woo (day recap) (most serious skip warning yet)

i have a predilectiction to not wanting to record or remember when (like the specific when in time) bad things happen. but in the last couple years of blogging, and i guess the year and change of drawing ive found a lot more appeal of recall. so i wonder if its not so bad to. record the bad. at any rate i dont think. not recording it makes it less real. which i think is the fear. and. my head is doing it anyway.

im doing this coping method questionable activity here instead of a journal becauseeee??? natural format my brains prefers i suppose.

to recap. the bad horrible no good very bad day

- i went to sleep late, as usual. i wake late. same. i prelong getting out of bed. also same. scrolling idly (or 'pre scrolling' the dash. i dont know why i do it)

- screams. screams and distress and misery and comforting a screaming distressed person. various talking down of hysterical lines of thought. (thats not an insult. 1. circumstances 2. understood behavioural trends) the joint and mouth gear i sleep in dont even come off until the screaming is done. have u every pet someones head in a wrist brace?

- lots and lots of crying. more comforting. the gear comes off. i brush my teeth. exhausted sitting and hovering around the. scene of the incident.

- migration to kitchen as food needs win out. all doors shut and all living beings collect. toast is eaten. water drank. etc.

- backup arrives. infomation is gathered. places are looked up and called. plans are formed. actions are taken. i mentally catalogue setimental, soothing, but give upable fabrics.

- i rip up threadbare torn bed sheets. i have to figure out how to get my dead cat into a box.

-he was around 12-15 pounds. we called him toddler sized and shaped. he had a mean punch and strong grasp. i taught him to sit on my shoulders, sometimes.

- realise how much heavier he is now. i cry. i cover him with the sheet. i somehow get it under him. hes stiff. even the tail. i cry. i pet his fur. i sob getting him into the box.

- backup apologizes. im on my knees. wailing. i think. definetly louder than anything ive done yet. backup gestures the dog at me. knowing my situation. distressee entered at some point. gets a hug from back up. i think i am gestured into the hug. i gesture down. im on the floor.

- i wail and am hugged.

- i am invited on the trip to the place. i gestures to my face. my sleep clothes. i dont see it happening. im told i dont need to be strong all the time. i reiterate. i really just wouldnt be able to get my glasses and a mask on.

- i dont see the box. i dont see much. at i dont remember if i have tea now or earlier. i soon as i hear the car go. im crying again. the sister cat meowing didnt help. i dont actually know or belief if that. i have no idea what she experiences. shes a cat. but. yeah.

- blogging happens? sometime happens? people return.

- im told. four years ago he developed a heart murmer. apparently thats a thing. 4 years. bengin to. serious.

- blogging happens. as well as algorithmic irony. i am asked if i want to watch something. i say. shower first. i forget ever song ive ever heard. for a moment. i settle on the album pocket.

- eventually i come down. i get food. we watch a movie. its a good movie. i have a nice exchange with a friend during too.

- i watch some dishes and realise. bizarrely. my old manager might find out about this. the vet was near to my job. the guy was friends with the techs. this was the kind of infomation he would share with me at times.

- youtube videos until the group disbands.

- i start recounting this my head

- i am wearing pjs i dont like. whatever the level for snotty sleeves where u chuck a set in the hamper has surely been met.

- typing this. using a spare pillow case as a hanky

- im gonna go and try and find the horse traqulizer of pleasant youtube videos.

[ankhisms]

toku gaga is yet again so real and gets my own feelings about toku related things... i totally understand why certain actors may look back on their earlier projects with a sense of embarrassment and i think its especially reasonable if they somehow had a bad experience working on something but i know that theres a large amount of toku actors who think really fondly of their roles and their time on the shows they worked on and theres toku actors who are still long time friends with their toku castmates (thinking of the ooo cast specificially).. as an actor myself i never understood people saying "wouldnt you feel embarrassed to be acting in something like power rangers or some other kids show" like actually bringing a joy and comfort and happiness to a childs life is the biggest achievement and highest honor i could ever hope for as both a person and an artist. also toku shows are so fun i love when you can tell that everyone had fun making the show in certain moments because so much of it really does just look so fucking fun to act in. anyway i love acting i love toku i swear to fucking god im going to be in power rangers some day mark my fucking words

[whatifwekilledgodandwebothgirls]

I survived triimeri!!!!

Final thoughts!!!

I am well rested , i am well fed , i am slowly starting to come to my senses , heres the final opinion .

It was fine . It was very very low key and very chill . The clubs were mostly empty besides us being there , and after i had my fill of dancing i went outside either way , so i has very relaxed through and through . They didnt let us have any alchohol in the club either which was godsent because i dont do well with too much alchohol and loud music. We didn't party to much at the resort either it was very relaxed and layed back . My friend groop was bitching and moaning and acting like bitches and fighting for some reason that i havent yet understood and i did not want to be around that drama so i ditched them and went with this girl i used to crush on , soft butch lesbian stoner ,and the guy i post about a lot saying im in love with him and such and such and went and found his friends and we mostly just drank a bit of wine the first nigh and talked a bit , most people were asleep by 4 .

I stayed with the guy and we talked , and he sayed he wants us to hook up again like we had last year but it was so unbelivably akward last year so i told him no . Anyway we talked some more and got cold a bit so he ended up going inside to his room , which had an empty double bed and a single bed with some dude sleeping in it . I asked its its ok that we sleep in the same bed and he said sure and we layed down laying still for about five muinyed before he asked me if i wanted to cuddle . I told him he is the most important person in my life , he told me he loves me , that he cant function without me , that he missed me so much and that he wants us to be friends again . He hald be very very tight and wouldn't let me go . I asked if i could move a bit because i was very hot and sweting and about to pass out from the heat and he have me a very sad " oh ok we can stop cuddling then " which lasted for about five muintes before he started shaking and whining and looking like he was about to cry and he griped my waisted pulled me close and begged me not to leave . Begged . He begged me not to leave . Killing myself over it. I also tryed to ignore his boner pressing against my leg the entire time . He said that we wants to be just friends and i agree but like . Your dick is stabinh my abdomen rn . Anyway i do really love him more than anything but i hate myself to much to be actually convi ced the really loves me back and he isnt just capping . I also didnt sleep a wink the entire night . I didnt sleep at all for 48 hours .

The second night people bought vodkas and got wasted by 8 pm and we did short of all go into panic mode trying to get them to pull it together but we gave them food and water and bathed them and they relaxed eventually . Me and the lesbian and the guy ditched the rest of his friends and they slept in my room . The guy collapsed into a single bed imidietly and wouldnt get up. I slept next to him in another single bed that was pressed right next to it and the lesbian slept in a double that was also pressed right nextto the two singles . Me and the guy cuddled a bit and then he pushed me away i think idk i was sleep deprived and i didnt really understand. There was a great deal o debate over who pushed who away but it was probably me because i cannot sleep cuddled up like that i need my space . Anyway i slept maybe a good 3 hours .

Also The resort was great. I almost felt as if i was camping . We stayed in little bungalows instead of a hotel which defenetly gave it more of a chill relaxed vibe because because we would be allowed to roam around ouside more unlike last year when we could only go out on tiny little balconies. It also ment that was just a bunch of little white and blue houses near the beach , very greek island but not so much so it was touristy . The place was amazing. So lovely . The beach was beutiful but small , perfect for a bit of a chat and a smoke with a small circle or friends . The view was even more amazing . Just endless horizon with mykonos right across from us. Our bungalow had a balcony that faced the sea , and i woke up at six once and stayed out smoking watching the sun rise through the waves while sitting . We also happened to share that balcony with a teacher and she sat next to me and smoked while we watched the sun rise

Over all i had a great time . It was fun but not too fun . Im lowley freaking out over the deal with the guy but im sure ill get over it . Great success!!!

[tentaipetto]

Chapter 16

Eija found himself in a small shop, its wares had been covered with pieces of velvet, it smelled musty, like the blankets never got aired. Before him stood a woman, who was in fact approaching him very slowly, she outstretched an arm gently stroked his chest through his shirt with her delicate fingers. Eija cleared his throat and attempted to make his brain work again, "Err, madam, Im not sure who you think I am” she started to slide her hand inbetween the buttons on his shirt, directly onto his flesh, “or what you think I am” his voice was becoming high pitched and skittish as he backed away slightly, “but I think you have the wrong person” the effort involved in making his mouth cooperate with his brain was beginning to show as Eijas face flushed red and his brow began to moisten. "You are Eija” her eyes glittered as she looked directly into his, directly into his soul, “I know who you are, I know what you are, I know why you are here” she cooed in his ear, her breath on his neck made him quiver, "Well Im glad you do!” he exclaimed “Care to let me in on the secret?” She smiled that smile again and Eija felt himself beginning to melt into her, at this point he figured it was fairly pointless to resist whatever urges he was feeling. He decided that whatever ulterior motive she had, it was worth it.

The room upstairs smelled just as musty as the room downstairs so Eija had come to the conclusion it must be the building not the blankets. He watched as she glided round the room wearing nothing but a smile, he smiled back at her. Last night had shown him, in great detail, and in a fair few positions, just what he had been missing out on. He now completely understood why men do such stupid and wreckless things for women. This being one of them. She slipped on a silk robe and tied it loosely around her, she came close and kissed him gently, running her fingers through his hair at the same time. "Ill make us some breakfast then darling" Eija smiled, food sounded wonderful right now, he wasnt sure when he last ate. Suddenly, reality smacked Eija on the back of the head with the force of a hurricane, he sat bolt upright and clutched at the bed clothes around him "Shit! the boat! Im going to miss it!" His heart began to race and he started to stumble out on the bed and fumble around on the floor looking for the items of clothing that had been hastiliy removed the night before. "Do you think if Belben wanted you back on the ship he would have allowed you to stay the night with me?" she looked at him with glassy eyes as he stared back up at her from the floor, unsure of what was actually happening. "Err, what?" "Think about it, do you really think you would be here if Belben hadnt wanted you to be?" Eija took a moment to consider his response, "So it was Belben, Belben wanted me to have sex with you?" she smiled, Eija blushed at the bluntness of his own statement. "Belben requested that I…distract you for the evening, I chose how" her smile widened and she lowered herself onto her knees in front of Eija, whos face was once again turning an amazing shade of crimson "I dont understand" he muttered, becoming lost in his thoughts.

"You dont need to darling, just, dont think anymore, just, be at peace with your fate" Eija didnt understand, but he agreed, it was easier to just accept what was happening, its not like he had any say over what happened in his life anyway.

The morning drifted away with Eija and the woman pottering around, eating breakfast and drinking coffee, making light chit chat and going back to bed a couple of times. Eija wanted to stay here forever, he let his imagination run away with him, let himself delve into his daydream, let himself enjoy it. But all the while he could feel the niggling at the back of his neck, the shadow cast across his sunny day, why was Belben doing this? The reason, which Eija wouldnt become aware of for some time yet, was that he was important. Belben didnt quite see it this way, more that he was important but that he had sent Eija in his stead. But the reality was that Eija had a part to play, in whatever it was that was happening around the world, and he had to be in Shadowglass, he had to be there today. He also, mustnt know that he is important, that was important, he needed to be unprepared and honest when the time came. The decision he would make had to be a real one, or it would all have been for nothing, arranging for him to be here would have been a waste. Belben had been keeping an eye on the situation, switching off at moments that turned his stomach (he had never been a fan of anything that involved people being sweaty and writhing around together), he was glad that Eija had stayed in Shadowglass but a little disappointed that he had so freely broken his contract. Eija on the other hand was really rather glad that he wasnt thinking about his contract, watching the woman lean over the table to pour him another cup of coffee was reason enough. "I wish I could stay here and marry you" he blurted out before he could swallow the words back into his mouth, they escaped and frolicked around in front of his, taunting him. He turned crimson again. The woman smiled, "Honey, you dont even know my name" "You could tell me" "But I wont" "Why not?" It hadnt actually occured to Eija up until this point that he didnt know what her name was, it hadnt bothered him either. "Because, you dont need to know" "So? I want to know" Her smiled turned into something more of a smirk, like she knew a really juicy secret that she wasnt going to spill. "Eija, it isnt important for you to know my name, why does it matter?" "Because, you are special, you are…." the colour in his face seemed to darken "my first, and I would like to know your name, just because" She looked at him, all innocent and new to everything, like a child in a mans body, "Its Elvina"

[quotesandstories]

The cycle

Have you ever had the feeling that you finally found the friend group you can actually be yourself in?

I have, i've had many times. But the thing is, im not good with understanding people. When i think someone is actually interested in what im talking about, they're actually mocking me. When i think they are complimenting me, they are judging me. When i feel safe around them, they ruin it. The last reason isnt there fault, its mine, its my fault i got to comfortable, its my fault i thought they liked me, its my fault i thought they understood. I've been through this over and over again, and yet it seems i still cant take the hint. Nobody will actually like me. They like the facade's i put on, they like the fact they are "friends" with the weird kid. They like to watch me become more opened up to them just so they can take away all. the trust i had for them. This year, i found a friend group i thought i could trust, because they were similar to me. We got along well, but just as before when i start to overshare about myself they seemed uneasy, like thats not what they wanted of me. Like they didnt like when i was truthful about myself. I watched them as they give me a weird look then talk to someone else in the group. Like i never said a thing.. This week one of my other friends that wasnt in the group sat with me due to her group splitting up. I told her it was ok and my friends wouldnt mind. I was wrong. They gave odd glances at her and asked me why she was sitting there. I responded truthfully, they didnt care. I think they just wanted to know when she would leave. A few days into her sitting at our table, they started to get annoyed, saying that she made others feel excluded and she shouldnt sit there anymore. I of course tried to reason with them, but their minds were made. They wanted her gone, and if that ment me leaving aswell then so be it. I took a look around the table and for once i finally saw. They disnt want me there. they never did. They didnt care my friend stayed or not, they just wanted me to leave.

That leads me back to my question, have you ever had the feeling that you finally found a friend group you can actually be yourself in? Or was it a lie from the start..

[thebadtimewolf]

you keep talking about rose with scorn, about future regenerations having outdone her completely & acting like they are somehow disgusted by the romance with her. but what are you basing your opinion on? in those books or comics that no one really cares about? which weren’t even written by showrunners?! moffat NEVER made twelve disrespect rose’s memory. that comic of him picking on ten was written by a bloke who doesn't even like rose, which indicates that the stories reflect more on the writers' opinions than the character. and while in the comics thirteen is somehow unbothered by rose’s presence, in the podcast narrated by jodie, she mentions rose in a fond, wistful voice. bc, guess what, the author is doctor/rose stan and said that she believes that the doctor loves rose in ALL incarnations and that jodie understood at the same moment what a mention of rose meant. ¯\_(ツ)_/ ¯ matt and jodie also talked about working with billie piper, about bringing rose back. and do you really believe rtd will write his doctors making light of the romance with rose??? he clearly still has a lot of affection for the character and it's no wonder he decided to name donna's daughter after her (when it would have been easier to name her 'martha' seeing as donna properly met her). so… yeah keep talking shit about rose and even tenrose all you want, it won't change that rose was immensely loved by the doctor, by TEN. ten loved rose so intensely he gave himself to her. david said that rose defined his doctor, and i say she defined the entire rtd1 era. and you can accept that or stay mad idrc

"And you can accept that or stay mad, i dont really care"

no lemme be serious hold on.

"by TEN"

yo yall see this? just completely ignore mr. fuck the monarchy, queen killer, the lovely, the irreplaceable the impeccable ninth doctor himself christopher eccleston?? oh no i know why. its because nine flirted with black girl princess of the forest of cheem herself miss jabe? but you dont really care.

im sorryyy im trying real hard but you are fumbling your own argument.

what makes you think rtd2 era is gonna be rose centric? if it was rose centric - we wouldnt need ruby sunday. but because shes yt and has blonde hair - of course YOU would think that. i mean with 14 its gonna be rose templenoble centric but you dont care. it would be easy to name ANOTHER BLACK CHARACTER WITH THE ONLY OTHER BLACK COMPANION NAME THAT DONNA KNEW?? other than what?? LANCELOT?? MINNIE?? YOU KNOW IN REFERENCE FOR LANCE HER NOW DEAD EX OR MICKEY??? but you dont really care.

anon. i can't stop laughing. you wrote all of that just to out yourself as a racist doctor who fan. you had very key things to strengthen your argument and prove your case and you fumbled. but you dont really care.

"jodie understood what a rose mention meant" and she understood what a river mention meant as well and YET jack mentions rose but 13 mentions river. she dont mention any of her previous companions vocally. she actively avoids it. tegan even noticed that. now rtd has a lot of affection for the rose character because it revived the show he used to watch as a child. but you dont really care.

"loved her so intensely he gave herself to her" - yeah he gave his human alias to her now 12 has to go by doctor funkenstein and doctor disco and doctor caretaker and 13 got to go by jane smith in honor of sarah jane smith big oof - like damn that sucks. but you dont really care.

But also, the 12 whole entire era was built off of donna. like that was clear. cut. dry. print. but you dont really care.

"jodie believes that the doctor loves rose in ALL incarnations in a podcast she narrates" and yet, we see from big finish productions that the doctor loves river in all his incarnations too. but you dont really care.

yo that "comic picking on ten was written by someone that dont even like rose" anon now you know thats the ONLY ONES WE GOT CORRECT BILLIE PIPER EYE COLOR ON INSTEAD OF BLUE AND GREEN INSTEAD OF HER LOVELY BROWN EYES AND ROSE WASNT EVEN IN IT. IT WAS WITH TWO COMPANIONS OF COLOR. THE ONLY BILLIE WE GOT WAS THE MOMENT. AND THATS IT! AND THEN WE GOT THE NOVELLIZATION BY STEPHEN MOFFAT THAT EXPANDS THE MOMENT AS HER OWN CHARACTER AND NOT ANOTHER ROSE. LIKE HUH??? but you dont really care.

"which weren't even written by showrunners" girl neither was human nature/family of blood the doctor's wife, vincent and the doctor, and the lodger THE LODGER IS A MICKEY X TEN COMIC BEFORE IT BECAME AN EPISODE WHA--PFFT. but you dont really care.

anyway seems to me you dont really care about ten or rose or tenrose, you just using that as an excuse to be antiblack and silence anyone that dare point that out. just like series 3 does to martha. hm. interesting.

[threepointseven]

Tysm for doing all my requests ♡! I really hope I'm not annoying you. Can you do angst hc's where the brothers neglected and ignored MC and didn't realize how much MC actually meant to all of them, only after they were gone?

Type- scenario 🍄, HC’s 🌷

Flowers included!🌼= all the brothers x gn! Reader (kinda ooc!)

Note🍀= i wasnt really sure what you meant by ‘gone’ and the moment i realized you meant dead i was already half way through the hc’s...... im so sorry this took so long btw, i got into a car crash yesterday going to school and everything was a mess! but im recovering rn so keep sending requests! also ilysm thank you for always requesting you arent annoying at all mwah<3

💐Your bouquet has been delivered <3💐

25 days. 25 days since the brothers ‘dear’ MC had ran away and completely cut the brothers off from their life

From the start it only ever seemed as if you were an object. They treated you till you thought your destiny was to be used by these 7 demons.

They took you for granted. You would help them with difficult tasks and your ‘thank you’ was getting yelled at for doing something remotely wrong.

You were always shouted at, ridiculed, even after all those times you proved you were trustable and showed them care you still felt like they were judging you across the room.

Its the brothers fault, they were bound to lose their MC, after how they treated them? No one would wanna be there.

Its been days and there were multiple search teams.

Lucifer.

the sin of pride, the man refuses to say he misses you, or worries about you in the slightest. In truth, he was the first one to send out a search team

He regrets it. He regrets it so badly but how could he show that to his brothers when he’s been in situations where he was tempted to murder you in cold blood

All you ever gave the man was love and care yet he took you for granted and now you’ve run away from him. Who knows where you are now?

In denial that he’s part of the reason you’re gone

“MC is sensitive, they couldve never survived Devildom if they couldnt survive a bit of criticism they wouldnt have survived a month more.”

he truly misses you, he regrets it.

You had always stayed with him at night, gave him coffee and tea whenever he asked, held his hand, and hugged him when he was troubled;

He stays up at night thinking about how maybe you would still be by his side saying your soft words laced with love if he had just been a bit kinder.

Belphegor

Sleeps. Sleeps to avoid the fact that his hurtful, cruel words lead to you running away

You were always there to cuddle and snuggle into him even after the countless amount of fights. Always forgave him for his actions, to him you were a saint,

And impulsively he decided to break apart that saint’s little heart

Yes, he does try to find you but quickly realizes you're probably happier without his nagging abusive voice.

In the morning when he’s not sleeping he tends to daydream about you, about the rare times where he’s not threatening you or being hurtful to you.

He misses you greatly, he sleeps in your room sometimes but ends up crying too much out of guilt and goes back to his room

Beelzebub

He’s at an all time low. He ignored you for so long even after you treated him with care and love

You understood all his problems, fixed them and thanked you with completely ignoring you’re existence

Of course your hurt. No wonder you’re gone

He feels so guilty. So so guilty

He started stress eating ever since you left and realized how hard it is to keep himself in check without you

He barely had the motivation to get up besides to stress eat

At night he’ll dream about you, about little dates you had when you pestered him enough to get him to go on one with you

He wished he had gone on more with you. He wished that he treated you better

He tends to shed tears whenever he walks past your room, knowing that you're probably never coming back

Mammon

He loves you, he does truly

But he never got to show it correctly. Never had the guts to calm his mean cruel façade and be just the slightest bit loving

How would you know he was even interested in you when all he ever did was call you useless and names?

All he does is stay in your room at this point.

He just wants you to come back.

“Come on… come back already..i’ll be better… i’ll say i love you i wont hurt you anymore please just come back”

Does everything to try and find you

He begs diavolo to help him and even when he does you left no traces so they just can't.

Satan

Turns his sadness and guilt into rage

He doesnt know what else to do. He loves you and always will but he showed that love in such an angry manner that you decided to slip away from his arms

Goes into a fit of rage the moment he finds out, tears are flowing out of his eyes while he destroys his room

Everything is in shambles by the time he calms down

Does everything and anything to try and contact you. Its almost pitiful watching the sin of wrath scroll through pictures of you in his phone, eyes swelled up as he locks himself inside his room

He starts reading the books you recommended to him. Books he threw out cause he thought anything that came from you was irrelevant

He feels so so bad… he knows full well you’ve probably passed, devildom isnt an easy place to escape.

He puts polaroid pictures of both of you up on his wall when you were both happy together

Leviathan

locks himself in his room.

Not even his favorite anime or manga can reduce his guilt.

He shuts everyone out and only ever stays in his room

The guilt and sadness is killing him, he loses all motivation to do anything

Whenever he sees anything that correlates to you he mutters out a small emotionless “sorry” in hopes that his whispering apology will reach you

He hates it, he hates everything. Everything reminds him of you and he cant stand it

Goes insane inside those four walls, he can barely take care of himself as the only thing that hasn't rotted in his room is henry

But even Henry reminds him of you, it hurts him inside and he dreams of a life where you’re together, where he doesnt ignore you where he doesnt shut you out.

Asmodeus

Drinks and fucks around to forget about everything he did. All the cruel stuff he did to you, where he spared you no mercy and ridiculed you till you ran away crying

He’s a demon, you cant blame him right?

What did you expect?

This isnt his fault, its yours for believing you could ever get close to a demon!

He’s in denial he’s at fault and that you’re gone

Visits your room and pretends you’re still there.

He pretends as if he’s actually talking your ear off about some clothes he found at the mall when he’s really just going insane

All the one night stands, all the bottles can't replace the feelings you gave him, the butterflies he’ll never feel again because no matter how much he loved you on the inside, he hadnt had the guts to reciprocate your feelings. Out of fear, out of fear that he would end up treating you like the sin of lust treats people.

The sin of lust, the one that treats people like objects only to please him, the sin that doesnt care what it takes as long as he gets to get wasted

You dont deserve that. You’re a saint. He thought. Eventually you ran away because of how much he ignored you.

oh how he wish he could turn back time..

[georgiaheartsdilfs]

→ man of my dreams PT 5 bucky b x f!reader

inspired by @demonsandmischief ’s story something special ↪link to their story: something special part one

Parts to this story ↪one:man in my dreams ↪two:man in my dreams ↪three: man in my dreams ↪four: man of my dreams

my masterlist

↪M A S T E R L I S T

prompt ↪ it's now been a week since the last chapter, y/n has quickly learnt to control her powers along with her visions by controlling her emotions. Whilst John and Lemar still follows Bucky, y/n, Sam and Zemo (who was knocked out in the car). When you and Bucky go out for a drink he tells you something unexpected yet thrilling, until he messes it up. "it's all i can think about, you, what are you doing, what aren't you doing, why aren't you doing these thing with me and why the hell did John get the chance to meet you first."

warnings / other notes ↪PTSD ↪delusions, its also confusingly written but to me I understood it. ↪you might need to keep an eye out for the POV change cause its one of those one, and i dont know if there is alot because i didnt reread this or edit it. ↪ the grey lines are a sign of scenery or pov change if you don’t like this pov idc im bored Y/N's POV a week later The third house in the past 2 weeks, John and Lemar still follow us. Bucky has been acting weird, but I guess so have I, I've been feeling weird when I'm around him. Bucky didn't let anything harm me, touch me unless it was him, Sam or Zemo. "Can't I just tell them something, even if it was a little bit. I could lie" I sit up on the wooden dining table chair, I was put on Zemo duty for the next day since everyone else had their days including John. "y/n you simply can't it could mess us up, we also know you can't lie" Zemo says "you're acting like you didn't cause the death of 20 plus men at the hands of a 24 year old" I glare at him before looking back at Sam.

Bucky had gone out wondering around, the place we were at was quite familiar with his face so they wouldn't dare mess with him, that's what he told me. "look y/n, i know you can lie when it counts but they are the government" "when has that ever stopped you" I cut him off "you know what fine" Sam says "I don't even know why you ask me" He sighs walking over to the kitchen.

John and Lemar were relentless, they faught us for a moment obviously losing. Opening the door John jumps out of his new camper van that was given to him by the lick ass government. "Fine" I mumble "I knew you'd break" he smirks I walk slowly over to his camper van one foot after the other "we're running from shield" i lie "shield had promised that when I turn 25 they'd take me in and use me as an agent again, when I had visions I saw hydra behind it all" I look down dragging my foot against the dirt. It wasn't exactly the truth, but there was some truth in there. "that's it?" he said "we were following a loose end, what was the whole finding information" he says placing his hands on his hips disappointed "we were trying to keep one step ahead of hydra" I say telling him the truth "and of course Sam and Buck, they know a lot of people" a car pulls into the driveway and it was Bucky. He pokes his head out of the window "what're you doing?" he asks "just go inside" I respond and he rolls his eyes. "that's it princess?" he asked "call me another nickname ill stab you again" I look up at him "yes that's the truth" I mumble looking back down "you're lying y/n, we dated for two years you don't think I know when you're lying" he says and I look up and shrug. He didn't know when I was lying, he never did because all I'd have to do is not argue my point and he'd believe me. "there's no point in telling the truth if you don't believe me" I say before turning around and walking off, his footsteps follow me gently grabbing my hand spinning me around "it's the truth?" he asked quietly "i wouldn't lie to you" I say "just like I wouldnt lie when I said if you call me another nick name i'd stab you" I say before tugging my hand out of his grip. It took a while for him and Lemar to finally leave but when they did Bucky laughed "shame useless motherfucker" he says poking the finger at the window as John drives off. "What did you tell him?" Bucky asked turning him around "that they'd be following a loose end if they kept following us, I said that you were protecting me from hydra agents hidden in shield kidnapping me at the age of 25 and using me as an agent" I say. "he believed it?" Zemo said "i know him better than i know myself, i know he believed it" I say truthfully "i'm better at lying than you" I point at him, Sam was watching the Television and Bucky went over and sat next to him. I stared at Zemo who was reading the book I had finished yesterday "this book reminds me of you and Bucky" he says to me and all heads turn his way, the book was about a special man who fell in love with an ordinary woman, the man brought the special out in the woman. It was like every romance novel I suppose. "you shouldn't say that" I clear my throat snatching the book off him "i'm just stating facts" he says "as in what does that mean?" Sam asks "yes what does that mean?" Bucky says agreeing with Sam. "well, the mentally traumatised woman and man meet each other, the man is special and the woman is ordinary until she meets the man who brings out the special in her" Zemo says chewing on his toothpick. "you broke him out of jail for this" I mumble shaking my head burying my face in my hands disappointed in the fact they actually needed him for things, it was beyond ridiculous. "that's ridiculous" Bucky said with a straight face "i hate to agree with the guy but" "don't" Bucky and I say in unison cutting Sam off from his invalid opinion on the matter. "but you just" "Sam, don't." Bucky said before turning back to face the tv "I agree with Barnes" I mumble "you always do" Zemo says "shut up you're lucky the Dora Milaje actually like Bucky or you'd be gone, I'll snap your next" I point at him getting up and walking off. Bucky and I continued to share a room, it was normal for both us now. I didn't mind it too much, he was the perfect company i needed. It would often get awkward though, I'd wake up and hear his faint snores only to realise we were both entangled together, our arms wrapping around each other. There were some mornings

where we'd wake up and fall back to sleep easily but then there'd be others where we were more weirded out than before, it depended on the day, but i loved it. This morning it was normal, I remember looking up at him snoring and then he'd wake up shortly after he cracked a few jokes all whilst staying cuddled up and then we'd fall asleep only to be woken up by my alarm. When he was sleep, I'd often stare at him. How he'd often get uncomfortable when it was his metal arm holding me. He'd prefer holding me with his real arm, i think he likes touching something real? Then in the middle of the night, his whole body would jolt and he'd wake up for a moment. Heavily breathing I'd feel his head turn to face me, wrapping his arms around me before trying to fall back to sleep, I'd pretend to be asleep the whole time to save him from the embarrassment that he has saved me from a million times. Finally reaching the door handle I get stopped by Bucky "do you wanna maybe go for drinks?" he says before I open the door "are you hiding something in there" I ask him, he was acting a bit weird I mean he hadn't said something to me since like before he left. "nope, nothing just felt like you seem a bit stressed" he said "Zemo?" I question him "Sam said he'd watch him" Bucky said "come on lets go for a drink" he insisted "fine let me get a jersey it's cold out there" I mumble. Opening the door grabbing the only jersey I had packed, it was suppose to be summer and I was suppose to be in Greece but no i'm... at this point I didn't ask the 'where are we' question, it came up too frequently i think i'm annoyed of those three in a sentence. I grab a knife shoving it in my pocket before Bucky could notice "take it out" he says "what if we get attacked" I spin around and he shakes his head placing his hand out for me to hand him the knife "it's my favourite one" I mumble handing it over. "then you'll know that I won't lose it" he says "we won't get killed, it's a nice spot everybody is scared of me" he says leaning against the doorframe "and you're not the slightest bit worried if one of them is scared enough to stab you?" I question him "they wouldn't" he says "come on" he says leading me out as I close the door. "have fun" Sam smiles waving at me "oh god something fishy is going on, maybe i should stay" I whine before Bucky opens the door pushing me out "but look you're already out of the door why turn back" he says smiling "ugh" I say walking over to the car getting in it. "where are we going" i take that back, i suppose i do ask the question 'where are we' "just to a bar not too far" he says before turning the key in the ignition. "a bar how romantic" I mumble under my breath quietly hoping he didn't hear, over the time i've known Bucky he's been able to make me feel everything except for anger and sadness. Which is quite odd since that's usually what I feel when meeting someone new. Sometimes he was all I could think about, waking up to him, falling asleep next to him. It was like marriage except marriage for new people, I don't know how to explain it but I liked it. I liked seeing him smile, I liked being told that I have the ability to make him smile just by looking at him. It was an uncontrollable talent, looks like i have many of those. Rolling down my window I hang my head out, I had my few days of insanity. The other night was the first time I was able to control whether I had a vision or a dream, turns out i was dreaming of my dream land. The dream was strange, I don't know why I called it dream land. It was just Bucky and I as a real married couple, we lived next to Sam who had 2 kids that often came to visit us, it was cute. We pulled up at a bar, it seemed quite nice. Unbuckling my seatbelt I walk inside by myself, the men whistle, I suppose it wasn't nice. I sit down at the bar and a man walks over, cat calling me. That was until Bucky walked in, the men continued their everyday lives. They truly were petrified of him. "Eager to leave me I see" he smirks sitting down "yeah god i hate your company" I chuckle

jokingly he looks at me giving me a fake laugh.

I look at him "you invite me out and don't have a sense of humor" I say and he chuckles lightly shaking his head "no i know it's just all these people" he says under his voice "what would you like?" the bartender says to Bucky. "tiger beer and" he looks over at me "water" I smile lightly "we are at a bar and you won't get an alcoholic drink" he says giving me a boring look "you don't want to see me drunk" I mumble as the bartender hands our drinks "i do" he says and I laugh "no no its fine" I smile. He holds up one finger mouthing the word one I shake my head laughing "fine uh can I get one jager and coke" I say placing money on the counter and Bucky takes it back replacing it with his note handing my note back. "come on Buck" I whine "I insist y/n" he says "if your ordering that drink especially" he says holding in his laughter "what i like coke" I shrug "and jagermeister?" he says taking a sip of his beer "you drink tiger beer relax old man" I laugh.

Bucky's POV The man handed her, her drink and she grabs a straw placing it in her drink swirling the ice around "I love ice, i don't know why it tastes nice" she says peering into her cup "it's ice, it tastes like water" I chuckle. "ok but it doesn't matter, its frozen water" she says placing her lips around the straw drinking part of her drink "so what did you bring me here for really, who is doing what and where?" she asked. I lick the inside of my cheek watching her tap her finger against the glass. Watching her bring the straw to her lips, the drink slowly going down only to watch her place the glass back down when she's finished. My mind ran wild, seeing her pretty brown eyes as she woke up in the morning, watching her snuggle up to me when her dreams get really intense. Watching her wake up to realise that her body was close to mine, she seemed to like it. She folded one leg over the other "so?" she said "i think" i mumble taking a quick sip of my beer "and i'm saying i think, because it's all i can think about" I say eyeing her up and down, admiring every visible feature from the gloss on her lips to the comfortable clothing she's in "is that maybe" I pause. "just maybe i want to kiss you, and hold you, if i'm being honest" I clear my throat "i might have these weird feelings for you" I say licking the inside of my cheek again looking at her lips, moving my eyes down to her hand stirring the straw around in her cup. She nods impressed "what plan is this? a bet?" she asks "you don't believe me" I scoff shrugging downing my drink "nope not one bit" she says bring the straw to her lips once more. "so how much?" she asks "zero" I say tilting my head "you don't believe someone could have feelings for you, don't you?" I say biting my lip "not one bit" she says again. "let me tell you this" I say resting my arm against the back of the chair "it's all i can think about, you, what are you doing, what aren't you doing, why aren't you doing these thing with me and why the hell did John get the chance to meet you first." my voice started getting low. "John" she scoffed rolling her eyes "we were only kids when we dated alright" she said "but he still met you first" I repeat my words, I envied him. "I want to punch those stupid nicknames out of his mouth" I mumble ordering another beer "all for the wrong reasons" i continue "you're not kidding" she says finally realising her jaw slowly dropping. "the mission wasn't to fall in love y/n" I whispered "yet you did" she whispered finishing my sentence, her soft, gentle tone indicating the smallest bit of affection but it was all i needed to not feel embarrassed. "yeah but uh looks like its getting a bit dark" I say looking out one of the windows, we weren't there for long but in the time we had been there the sun had managed to set. "so you want to leave and I don't even get a say, you're just going to push my away like everyone else." she questions me and I nod "pretty much, saves me the embarrassment" I mumble looking up from my watch placing another bill on the counter before walking out. Y/n didn't follow behind me so I walked back inside "you coming?" I ask, her mood had shifted it wasn't relaxed and happy anymore it was angry, maybe sad. She gets up shoving past me and I walk to the car, unlocking it as she sits in the passenger side. "you're selfish" she whispers as I start the car "so fucking selfish" she continued and we leave the parking lot, driving down the long road before hanging a left. The house was in sight and before I pulled into the driveway y/n speaks up "you ever thought that the reason I agreed to share beds with you, wasn't because I wanted Sam to have his own bed" she says turning to face me in the small space that we had. Turning off the car I don't say a word "that maybe it was because the first time it happened, the first time I had gotten in the same bed with you I had a dream. My first dream in years and then I'd wake up and it felt like I was still in that dream." She says as we remain in the car. "That waking up to you, holding

me, it was still like a dream." she says "do you want to know what my first dream in years was about?" she asked, she was being a tad bit dramatic. I suppose it was unfair I didn't give her a chance to speak. "go on" I say quietly, I felt like i was being lectured on feelings. "I dreamt about you and I, a married couple that lived next to Sam and his two kids thats the only dream I've been having for the past week and a half and I've loved every minute of it" she said, marriage? Wait, Sam has kids? How is that even applicable is Sam doesn't even have a partner. "sometime's i just wish you and I would stay in bed all day so I could live that dream over and over again, because, if i fell in love with you. It'd go against any and all of my morals." she said getting out of the car and I sigh getting out leaning over the hood of the car to see her. "you'd never fall in love with someone that made you feel special ever again" I say repeating her favourite line in the book "that was from the book" she mumbled "but you loved it" I whispered and she rolls her eyes, what even made that line appear in my mind. God, I hate whenever I rush things along, things that could have been good and bitter sweet, but, I just don't deserve these things, maybe it was selfish. She was the only person who gave me that one moment of hope, that few seconds of normality maybe even a few minutes of the life I once dreamed of having. Walking in the house Zemo and Sam give me weird stares "what" I say looking at them both sitting on the sofa, I run my metal hand through my hair looking up at the stairs. I sigh before walking up the stairs, the door was closed and there was a lot of shuffling. Balling my hand into a fist prepared to knocked on the door, placing my hand gently against the wooden door. "don't fucking open it" she said, of course she'd be able to see me. Fuck it, I move my hand to the door handle twisting it and pushing the door open. "y/n" I say to see her packing her bags "I can find my own way home" she said "my knife?" she said, the knife. It was in my pocket "give it" she said bluntly. "no" I say "fine say something then" she says folding her arms "you're being dramatic" I say and she scoffs rolling her eyes getting back to packing "for once, I felt normal and not misplaced." she says shoving clothes in her bag. "you don't even want one good thing for yourself" She says before zipping the bag up "what?" I say and she spins around again "I know why you don't want anything, James. You're afraid." She said, she was beyond pissed. "You went from the man in my dreams to the man of my dreams and you can't handle it because what if something happened to me" she says walking up to me "you wouldn't be able to handle it" she says poking a finger into my chest. "you felt something real, something you haven't felt in years and you had to get it out but you just didn't want to see my reaction." she continued and I stood there silent, taking it all in. "because you knew that if you saw my reaction it'd change everything that's why you cut me off before i could say anything, but instead, you did the one thing that you prevented everyone else from doing to me" she whispered, her voice broke at the last few words. She reached into my pocket grabbing the knife out slowly and I nod as she turns around placing it in her bag. "i hurt you" I whispered.

Y/N's POV "i hurt you" he whispered, maybe i was overreacting because he wasn't the man in my dreams, he wasn't my husband that lived next to Sam. I had built up all the expectations when I knew the truth all along, he wasn't perfect. I was harsh. Maybe pointing one of his many fears out was just beyond me. I didn't know how he thought but I had already dug myself a hole by starting with the whole dream thing in the car. I turn around sitting on the bed burying my face in my hands, Bucky stood over me "will you really leave?" he asked. I wanted to, to save myself from the embarrassment of causing a scene that could have easily been prevented if I understood where he was coming from in the first place. "i want to" I say my voice breaking again "then leave" he whispered and I look up "leave" he said again, he knew I could read him better than anyone so he knew that I knew that he didn't want me to go. "i can't" I mumble putting my face back in my hands, he sits down next to me and I lean towards him as he wraps his arms around me "i'm sorry" he whispers stroking my hair. "i do love you, you know" he says "more than anything in this world, more than the first girl I ever loved" he goes on "i just didn't want you to tell me how you feel because i am afraid, that if anything good came my way it'd be taken away" he whispered. "out of all the good things in the world that could've happened it was you, i just didn't want to risk it" his grip on my tightened a little and he kissed my head. "i have a tendency to overreact" I say removing my hands from my face giggling a little "i know" he says chuckling. It takes a while before more words are said but we just sat there, once again in each others arms. I sense two people at the door of the bedroom "you can feel that too right?" I ask him looking up and he nods "that's why I wanted to tell you at the bar" he said getting up and walking to the door opening it to reveal Zemo and Sam holding their ears against the door. "do you hear anything?" Sam says.

[heyitsyn]

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 6

a/n: DKFJSLDKFSJ OMG YOU GUYS IVE LTR BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS FOR SO LONG AACCKKK!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also, omg im screeching bc BAHAHAHA THERE IS GOING TO BE A SLIGHT PLOT TWIST YOU GUYS!!!!!

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

- Ever since yn got lost during a trip to another school, the team made the rule that she has to hold one of their hands. Its probably so small compared against the boys. She got lost cause babie saw a cat

SKDLFJLSDKFJ EWWWWWWWW IM SCREECHING IN DISGUST RIGHT NOW LIKE THATS SO DIS COS TANG OIKAWA TOORU LIKE LEAVE MY GUY ALONE!!!!!!! #LETMAKKILIVE

lmao yep this is really happening

okay so anyways

you guys know how seijoh is like known around the prefecture right?

and we all know that nekomata and old ukai are like besties so they were talking over the phone right

and nekomata was complaining that his players were already fed up with playing against the same people and they wanted to be challenged and wanted new exposure to other players and all that jazz

old ukai was cackling at the other side bc haha youre actually begging me to find you new teams now?

but anyways

theyre like besties forever so ofc old ukai would help

and by help, he turned to poor zaddy keishin and told him to look for teams that could be sent up to tokyo and play against nekoma

‘what?! im already busy and i dont have time to scout-’

‘YOU WATCH YOUR TONGUE BOY! I CREATED YOUR FATHER AND WITHOUT HIM, YOU WOULDNT BE HERE TODAY!’

‘BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I WANTED TO BE ALIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!’

family goals 😍😍😍

but keishin still listened to his grandfather and recommended seijoh as being the one to go as they are one of the hardest to beat opponents in the preferecture

but its more like he wants to hear about nekoma being destroyed by oikawa’s service aces and grovel at their feet since naoi always made fun of them saying country boys arent as good as city boys

LIKE PLEASE

anyways!!!!!!

nekomata got word of it and immediately phoned aoba johsai and talked to the coach 

‘yes, i heard from an old friend of mine that you are quite strong’

nekomata praised, wanting and desperate to have them come up

‘and do you think your team is good enough to beat us?’

LMAO YESSSS GRANDPA IRIHATA!!! DRAG THEM KITTIES!!!!

WAIT NO THAT SOUNDS WRONG

but they settled on their disagreements and decided yep they were going to go up there and have a practice match

however

irihata and nekomata wanted their boys to be kept in the dark about who this team is as knowing them, they have sources to find them tapes of old plays

they wanted it to be a fair match

even the managers were being kept from it as they could easily be influenced by the players for that information

irihata walked into the gym and announced a team meeting to which they stopped

you sat down next to kyotani, who pulled you beside him and wrapped a protective arm around your waist

‘we have a practice match against a prominent team up in tokyo in 3 days. make sure you have your plays right and pat down as they are known to be quite an opponent’

the boys shouted a determined cheer and they all hussled back to practice

you were running around, tending to everyone with towels or medical tape

once you finally sat back down on the bench, you noticed your phone screen light up, indicating someone sent you a message

it was natsu

you swiped open and smiled softly at his picture

it a selfie of him in front of his school as you told him to send you a picture that he arrived safely

‘got here in one piece since im not ready to meet daddy satan yet’

i hate him you guys

after receiving news of his mother gaining custody of him, he cheered and was able to go back to tokyo without his father in the picture

lets just say,,, hes not nice

anyways

you were sad to let him go but you understood he missed his friends and his almost-boyfriend so you were able to say goodbye easily at the station

‘gross but im pretty sure katsuki would blow satan to smithereens’

‘hehe ;) he would’

‘N A S T Y’

you cringed but giggled and the team noticed so they tried hard to gain your attention back on them

‘aaa!!!!! y/n-chan!!! my leg!!!!’

‘i think i chopped off my finger!!!!’

‘my head snapped off my body!!!!!’

you rolled your eyes and placed your phone down before walking over to mattsun to help him snap his head back on his neck

finally, it was the day of the match

you were arranged to stay the night at tokyo to have a few practice matches with this unknown team

the team was arranged to meet at the train station at 9:45 since the train leaves at 10 

you arrived the earliest to keep track of everyone and just because you were actually kinda excited

theres this weird feeling in your stomach that isn’t exactly bad but its,,, giddy

you sat on the bench, waiting for the team 

they all started arriving one by one and you were doing a headcount for everyone but you were missing one

you checked your phone and you noticed he was getting late

it was already 9:54

you hate it when people are late to meeting time so you were slightly irritated

you dialed up your captain’s number and you stood up, pacing around

‘hello~~~~ y/n-cha-’

‘oikawa-san! do you know what time it is?! you were arranged to come here at specifically 9:45 but its 14 minutes passed that so where the hell are you? you better have a good excuse you piece of-’

‘aww y/n-chan oikawa-san is sorry’

someone whispered in your ear from behind and you flinched, surprised at the sudden person

oikawa wrapped an arm around your waist while his other hung up the call and you turned around, arms crossed while pouting at him

‘sorrysorrysorry!’

he apologized and you rolled your eyes

‘i swear, oikawa-san. if i find out it was because of your hair again-’

‘oi shittykawa! your sister just called me and you left the curling iron on, you stupid bastard!’

iwaizumi’s shout made oikawa sweat and pale 

your eyes glinted dangerously 

‘this is the last straw, oikawa-san’

you growled and he shot down to his knees and was about to start praying to you when the coach decided he had enough entertainment for the day and called everyone to gather around

‘heres your tickets. this train will get us there around lunch time so dont worry about getting hungry’

the shinkansen train had 2-person seating so everyone fought secretly amongst each other to sit next to you

literally, their private group chat was blowing up until early this morning at the shouts and yells of everyone caps locking their arguments as to why they deserve to sit next to you

the only one who didnt was mattsukawa issei

bc quite frankly, he didnt care who he sat next to and although it sounds nice to be next to you, he isnt exactly the comfiest to sleep on due to the obvious size difference

lmao like your head probably wouldnt reach his shoulders bruh

now youre not oblivious

or blind

so you noticed the glares of everyone as you all stood for the train to come

and you also noticed mattsun just standing there, bored, so you sneaked over to him, wrapping your arms around him

‘arent you excited, mattsun-san?’

he gasped quietly at your sudden appearance but he smirked

‘its nothing special. just another team that we’re going to beat’

you giggled at his confidence and you walked in front of him so you could properly be held by him

it was practically second nature now by the way he just opened his arms and you crashed into them, his own wrapping around your shoulders to hold you tight

‘i love your confidence so much mattsun-san’

he flushed red and furrowed his eyebrows, head turning to the side to hide the obvious effect you had on him

‘whats the point of playing when you cant be confident’

‘aaaa why are you looking away mattsun-san!!!’

lmao when the team saw you sitting next to mattsun, they all felt so betrayed like bruh

ltr kyo and iwa were about to go feral

oikawa was like ready to screech his ass off but one look from you made him shut up

‘i sincerely, really, truly hope youre just complaining about the seat hurting your flat ass, oikawa-san’

KDFJLSDKFJSDL Y/N NO STOP IT

it was kinda funny actually bc everyone was all pouting and sulky while you just have mattsun who’s smirking like ‘beat that’

SDKFJLSDKF I LOVE MATTSUN’S SMIRK LIKE PLEASE OMG

ofc he let you sit at the window bc you love window seats

like iwa, he also pulls up the arm barrier thingy and you shuffle closer to him and mattsun practically combusts

the ride isnt expected to be very long but you still found yourself sleeping during it

mattsun has his arm around your shoulder while your head is leaning against his peck man boobie 

omg its so cute like he actually slides lower on the seat to help you reach his shoulder and hes slouching and back is hurting just for you

;’)

he was awake the whole time bc he couldnt sleep with his heart beating so hard it might rip out of his chest

ew thats kinda gorey

your hand was gripping his own and to pass time, he found himself fiddling with your fingers 

an unknown smile appeared on his face at the obvious size difference between yours and his

a finger traced different and foreign shapes just to feel the softness of your hand and he combusts again when you unconsciously squeeze his hand

mattsun couldnt help but bring your linked hands up and kiss the back of yours

it was soft, gentle, and his lips lingered there for more than a second

then a sudden feeling of fatigue washed over him and he leaned his cheek against the top of your head 

the last thing he remembers is the smell of your f/s (favorite smell) shampoo

then you guys arrived in tokyo

irihata had to personally wake you all up because even naoi fell asleep and everyone fell asleep

irihata gently shook mattsun awake and when the boy opened his eyes, the older man nodded over to your form

‘gently wake her up’

as if mattsun didnt already know

thats why he softly ran the pad of his thumb on your cheek that was exposed to the air

‘y/n~~’

he coos and your nose twitches, in between the border of dreams and reality

‘darling, wake up, baby bear’

FSDKLFJSDLKSDJKFJDSKLFJSDLFKSJDLF YOU GUYS I CANNNNTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also im listening to kataomoi by aimer  so that kinda influences the ‘darling

his deep voice that surprisingly reaches a level of quietness made your eyes flutter

your whole face scrunched at suddenly being woken up but the sight of mattsun’s genuine smile made you mirror it and cuddle closer for an extra dose of warmth

‘hmm, is my baby tired?’

he teasingly whispers and you nodded, snuggling even further and he gently cups your face

his hold had made your cheeks squeeze slightly together and your pout increased the cute factor 

‘nwoooo dont skweeze demmm’

you slurred and he chuckled

‘hai hai’

‘kwiss it better’

you demanded and he full on laughed before moving his hands to your jaws so he could plant many kisses on your cheeks

the repeated kisses tickled so you giggled and squirmed

‘aaaaaa mattsun-san it tickles!!!’

your playful protests forced him to stop and allow you to actually sit up

as usual, your hair was a bird’s nest and mattsun attempted to settle it out

‘hah, y/n-chan your hair is like another being itself’

he choked out and you pouted at him

‘so mean! mattsun-san is so mean! baba-san! rescue me!!’

yahaba was known in the team to be the one who fixed your hair and you trusted him the most with it

hearing his name being called, the pretty boy dashed towards you and mattsun’s seats

‘is senpai giving you trouble again? come, honey, come to baba-san’

mattsun gave him a look for the younger’s passive agressive tone

oikawa immediately dashed over right next to yahaba

‘oh? y/n-chan! oikawa-san is here!!’

iwa and kyo growled

‘SHUT UP SHITTYKAWA!’

meanwhile irihata and naoi were just done

they just wanted to get off the train like is that such a big favor?

finally!!!!

seijoh was able to actually make it to the city and ngl, despite living in sendai, you were actually overwhelmed by the bustling city of tokyo

there were people all over the place and many cars and you were being pushed around

it didnt help that it was ltr lunch hour and a flurry of business people just flooded out of their buildings

you unconsciously gripped your bag and focused on just not tripping over people so your eyes were trained on your feet 

then in the corner of your eye, you saw a tiny animal that was in danger of being stepped on so you ofc had to go chase after it

you shouted at some people to watch out and to not step on it

but then it disappeared

the moment you looked up, everyone was gone

you panicked and your head was turning from side to side

‘MATTSUN-SAN?! IWA-SAN?! KYO-SAN?!’

you shouted but it seems your voice wasnt loud enough

GIRL YOU GOTTA MANIFEST THAT BULLHORN VOICE

worry and dread bubbled inside of you but you stopped, just trying to calm down and think

then you saw the flash of white again so you hurriedly ran after it, not knowing that you were straying away from the city and towards the suburbs

you noticed you were now lost at the less amount of feet walking and this wasnt the city and you were now away from the team

taking yoru eyes off of the cat, you looked around to confirm your fear and that gave the cat an opportunity to disappear again

yoo crookshanks

huffing a curse, you pulled your phone out of your bag and dialed each 

your phone wasnt reaching the boys and no one was picking up

what the heck

you ended up at some quieter and less crowded spot 

like a neighborhood

you contemplated calling natsu as he lived in tokyo but tokyo was a big city and you were at some neighborhood so its highly unlikely he would know where you are

so you just walked around, looking for a place to sit and think like a park

then you heard a distressed meow

you were just walking and hearing that loud cry of help made you stop and immediately follow the sound

‘kitty? kitty?’

you called out even though you knew fully well they didnt understand you

but the cat cried even louder and you heard another cat

it was less higher pitched and honestly, you just felt like there was another cat

as you looked around, you saw the same cat you followed after and it bobbed its head at you as if asking you to follow him

‘you want me to go with you?’

the cat blinked then turned around and started walking

‘okay then’

you took the time to inspect the actual color of the cat

it was dominantly white furred but it had multiple colored spots, mainly yellow and brown

you eventually ended up at a large tree with a cat shivering on the biggest branch

it was black and had some fur sticking out at the top of its head and it looked young so its probably a kitten

you tutted and reached out your hand but it recoiled, hissing at you

BOI SHE TRYING TO HELP YOU WHAT

‘hey, i want to help you’

you softly said and maybe youre just doctor dolittle? 

bc it stopped hissing and started whining instead

‘kenma-san! i swear i saw it just now-’

a sudden foreign voice made the black haired cat hiss again and this time, even you were counted as a threat

the appearance by the corner of two boys made you glare at them

one was freakishly tall with grey hair and scary green eyes while the other was shorter and had bleached hair that grew out

they both wore running shorts and black shirts and they looked like they were on a run or something

then you had a thought

this guy was tall

he could help

‘hey! you!’

you waved and the boys stopped, eyes wide

they pointed to themselves and you nodded

‘yes, silly! especially the tall one!’

the other had a flash of a glare that disappeared almost immediately but the ‘tall one’ happily skipped over

‘oho, hello chibi-chan’

KDFJSLDFKSDJLFDKSJ YES IM CONDENSCENDING

you puffed your cheeks out in anger at the nickname but this was not the time

‘that kitty up there is stuck. and i cant help it because its scared. and its all the way up there’

you pointed and he nodded

‘i followed that cat here too but i needed someone else. thats why i brought kenma-san’

your eyes shifted to ‘kenma-san’ who was focused on the other cat who also stared back at his spot by the tree

hmmm, they look kinda similar

‘well! we need to help it,,,,,, grandpa-san!’

taken aback by the nickname, the tall guy gasped while the blonde boy choked out a sudden laugh and you giggled

‘GRANDPA?!’

‘yea. you know cus you have gray hair’

you reasoned and he was about to retort when he stopped himself

‘no. we have more important matters in hand. kenma-san, come stand on my shoulders. chibi, use my jacket to catch it if it falls’

you scrambled to do your task but you heard kenma-san mumble

‘you cant tell me what to do’

‘oh hey! whats your name?’

you asked and the tall guy waved

‘im lev. haiba lev. first year’

‘kozume,,, kenma. im a second year’

‘oh! then nice to meet you! im l/n y/n!’

introductions had to be cut short as you all assembled

kenma wobbled while lev cringed at the obvious pain but they gritted their teeth and kenma lunged to grab the cat 

but the cat jumped away, falling to the ground where it was caught safely by you

thankfully the jacket saved you from scratching but after a few soft whispers of reassurance, the kitty calmed down and it resulted in just shaking

‘its okay. we’re okay. i got you’

you were completely oblivious to the fact that kenma and lev were on the ground, bleeding after falling, or the shout at the distance

‘kenma! lev!’

‘Y/N-CHAN!’

you three turned to see two groups of boys coming from two directions

on the right had a guy with black hair similar looking to the cat on your arms 

while the left had your familiar looking captain

‘oikawa-san!’

you shouted and he ran up, eyes wide with worry

‘where were you?! why did you run off?! you shouldn’t-’

he rambled but your eyes stopped at the appearance of your familiar pink-haired cousin

‘natsu?!’

you shrieked and he had an equally surprised expression

‘y/n?!’

he shouted 

‘what-!’

he started but you beat him to it

‘why are you here?!’

you pointed to the people behind him

‘im,,, a manager. im a manager for my volleyball team’

‘volleyball,,,’

you trailed off

‘VOLLEYBALL?! NEKOMA?!’

you knew of your cousin’s school but you didnt think you guys would meet here

‘shes your cousin?’

someone piped up from the back and natsu nodded, still looking at you

‘oya? the apple doesnt fall far from the tree, then. hello gorgeous, the names kuroo tetsurou’

KSLDFJDSK I HATE THIS LIKE PLEASE HES JUST A NERD YET I WRITE HIM LIKE THIS I HATE MYSELF

‘HAH?! YOU BACK OFF!’

kyotani started but you caught him in time, holding him in your arms

‘nooo,, calm down, kyo-san’

natsu’s nose crinkled and his mouth curled

‘ugh, nice to see you too, brat’

‘BRAT?! YOU BASTARD!’

‘IM A THIRD YEAR, YOU BASTARD!’

kyotani was held back by oikawa and iwa while your cousin was with that kuroo guy and lev

you hurried back to the rest of the team and they each glared at you but they had an obvious expression of relief

‘do that again y/n-’

‘i know, makki-san. youll use a leash backpack’

lets just say its not,,, the first time youve been lost

‘new team rule. youre holding someone’s hand at all times. no matter what, always hold us’

yahaba scolded and watari nodded

meanwhile, mattsun grabbed your hand and gripped it tight

‘youre never leaving my sight again’

his tone was different from his usual playful and teasing voice 

you knew he was very worried and that made you feel really guilty

‘im sorry’

you whispered and he pulled you to him, hugging you tightly

‘its okay. youre here right now and thats all that matters’

you nodded and you turned your head, leaning on his chest to watch oikawa yelling and shouting at this kuroo guy while your cousin and kyo were arguing and you chuckled

this was,,, chaos

‘dear god, you shouldve let me be lost for a few more hours’

you mumbled, smiling lightly when mattsun’s chest vibrated as he laughed

‘take me with you next time’

‘i will’

you hummed

‘Y/N-CHAN! YOU ARE NOT GOING NEAR THIS-THIS MONGREL!’

oikawa screeched, stomping his way over to you

you smirked

‘oi kuroo-san! lets hang out after the match!’

oikawa screamed

a/n: now that my nekoma manager is out, i can finally have a manager x manager interaction and uwuwuwuwu just wait until i finish the others and ill do that req anon sent in ;) if you sent it in, you know what im talking about ;)

[insecxreasalwqys]

and then he smiled, and thats what im after. (Ch. 4 im never not going to be there.

Slight spoiler warning

Chishiya sat on his bed, thinking about his dad. He thought about the game a few nights before. He wondered what happened to his mother, she was never there either. Chishiya laughed at his last clip of him writing the note, as, he got into med school, and his parents couldnt have cared less. No matter what he did, how far he went for his parents attention, they wouldnt care. (No, bc when chishiya was in his hospital bed, almost dying, and having his heart stop for 1 minutes, his parents were never there. F..k chishiya’s parents.) Not a drop, a milimeter, a fraction of a millimeter of attention they gave him. They married just to look good and for a position. Chishiya hated that, every, single, time when his  3rd grade teacher would ask what they did over the weekend, he would always say nothing. Other kids would say they went to the park, or ate out, or made crafts at home. And what did chishiya do? Nothing. He stayed home, wondering every night, why he existed. Everyone else seemed like they had a purpose. Even here in borderland, people were fighting so hard to leave, and they had a reason, someone out there waiting for them, praying they would live. But Chishiya? Chishiya had no idea was he was fighting for. Chishiya was a smart man, dont get him wrong, but this was something he never understood. If nobody loves me, or cares, why am i here? I shouldnt even be here. Why do i live. These were reoccurring thoughts he had. Yet, he never had the answer. He got up, and figured he would talk to kuzuryu.  Kuzuryu opened his door, and let chishiya in. “Whats up?” Kuzuryu asked, sitting down next to chishiya. “Its my parents, ive been thinking about them, recently.” Chishiya stated. “Your parents?” Kuzuryu asked. Chishiya gave him a nod. “You mean the people who gave birth to you, put you in their house, just to call you their child, without ever caring?” Kuzuryu said, wanting to make sure. “Yeah.” Chishiya laughed. He wasnt laughing because he was happy, it was because he wanted to make himself feel a bit better. Kuzuryu sighed deeply. “Listen to me, chishiya shuntaro.” Kuzuryu said in a serious tone. “I dont want to ever, see you upset again about the fact that these two sick people you call parents didnt take care of you, because thats sick.” Kuzuryu started. “Thank y-” Chishiya tried saying, but got cut off. “Shush, let me finish.” Chishiya pursed his lips and nodded. “Your ‘parents’ dont deserve a child, especially one that has worked so hard for their attention, and they didnt care.” Kuzuryu stated. “But, i also dont want you to go with ‘No one cared for me, so why should i care for anyone else.’ Because, that doesnt make you any better.” He finished. “I wont, i promise.” Chishiya said. “If you ever think about it again, which i would hope you dont, i will give you a nice scolding.” Kuzuryu threatened. It wasnt empty, but wasnt very threatening. They both knew that. As chishiya was leaving, Kuzuryu stopped him. “Wait!” He shouted. Chishiya turned back around. “Just know, im never not going to be there.” He said. Chishiya thanked him and left.  Kuzuryu cursed himself. He couldve said anything else. But not, im never not going to be there. He knew it was a lie. He didnt know why he said it. He fell back onto his bed, and sighed. (Lots of sighing, i know.) 

Chishiya went to go eat, and thought about what kuzuryu said. He didnt know where he would be without kuzuryu, and he was thankful for keiichi.

Kuzuryu looked in his notes of how many days he had left, and opened to see 1. His visa would expire tomorrow. It was almost time for people to go to games, and he ran up to hatter. “Can i go out to a game tonight?” (Ok, now, manga readers, i know citizens dont play games to extend visas, but hear me out, in this au, if they were required to make the person smile, they had to play games to extend visas.) “Sure.” Hatter replied.  Kuzuryu went to a game arena. There were maybe 4 other people? He grabbed a phone.

Registration closed

Game: 7 of hearts, hide and seek.

Had to do it, sorry. -insecure

[telaraneas]

im still in the process of PROPERLY reading all of Detective Pony because dirk im sorry but i have adhd i cant sit through all of those words at once. its not even that the concepts are too advanced, its just that im p sure he deliberately goes out of his way to be as obtuse and pretentious as he possibly can be (which is pitch perfect characterization sndjej)

ive read it in chunks out of order by skimming and then going back and forth, which is almost definitely cheating but also the only way i can actually digest everything going on here. detective pony is a masterpiece on about 5 different levels, it captures a very specific type of metafiction silly-to-crushingly-serious rabbit hole that i have seen over and over and which i'm struck by and fascinated with each time, even the most shallow and un-self aware of these kinds of works fascinate me (...so yes including stuff like the overbloated disaster mess that are the nostalgia critic movies)

detective pony is just unironically very engaging tho no matter how deep it goes into embarrasing dialectics and struggles with the admission of responsibility about the things you create and about how the entire book IS an extension of his psyche no matter how much he frames it like a struggle against him. the whole thing reads like a microcosm of his whole mental state and especially the fact that as he says. he set out to make a birthday present for jane and ended up just making a whole thing thats about himself and his ego and his struggles with that ego and the terrifying fact that no matter how much he says hes ashamed of it and that no one should read it, he is STILL in the active process of creating it and putting his feelings out there and arguing with himself in the form of socratic dialogue and that, in the end, he DOES end up giving it to jane

and i cant stop thinking about how jane DID READ IT. like i fully 100% believe she read every word

dirk and jane have one of the most interesting relationships in homestuck i think because they honestly care about each other and can be honest with each other in a way they struggle to be with the rest of their friend group, but in a way that's BECAUSE of how emotionally detached they tend to be. like, dirk has his whole mass of issues, but jane's deal is that she tries to be very Nice and conscious of other people's feelings, but because she's, yknow, not a perfect human being, she doesn't ACTUALLY believe everything she says, and she doesn't say most of the things she thinks, because she doesn't want to hurt others and doesn't realize this, too, is a selfish impulse, maybe moreso than actually saying what she feels

i mean. jane was SO committed to only saying what she thought was the most socially nice and appropiate thing to say, that she blew her chance with jake in the dumbest way and then kept digging her hole into the depths of the earth akdnsknd and then she dug in her heels and kept being A Good Friend against her actual wishes until her passiveness turned to passive aggression and then blew up into ACTUAL AGRESSION

I think jane and dirk kind of have similar yet opposite problems in a way, where, like... dirk doesn't want to burden others with his feelings and so tries to hide behind a billion layers of detachment and masks (to the point jake spends the entire story up to entering sburb interacting with dirk without ever actually TALKING to him directly much to his frustration), but despite that stated goal, his feelings and authentic self STILL wind up as the most overtly everpresent fact of the friend group's lives, because moderation just escapes him, so it's like the faucet is at full blast of dirk all over everyone while he stares at it wondering why the fuck he's like this

and then there's jane who is like... she WANTS to connect with others. she WANTS to understand others and be understood in return. she wants to be a good friend and a presence in their lives that they find worthwile. so with her the faucet is closed completely, other than the inescapable droplets that make her support come across as transparently condescending or passive agressive when her heart just isn't in it. jane has SUCH massive trouble expressing her actual, genuine, unironic 100% from the heart Feelings And State Of Mind to other people, and yet she's so miserable when people don't automatically KNOW where she's at

so... i think dirk would write that whole thing, which is esentially a static version of AR in that it's an encapsulation of him that is very much authentically him including the parts of himself he hates the most and never wants anyone else to see, but yet he puts it out into the world ANYWAYS because he can't bring himself to ACTUALLY hide any of himself no matter how much he wants to

and jane would 1000% read the whole thing, from the goofy violent doodly beginnings to the philosophically self-destructive metafictional cathartic end, and she would read it and absorb it and gain a clearer understanding of her friend's issues and what weighs on him, and she would definitely cry while reading it and feel deeply for her friend's situation... and she wouldn't say anything about it

she wouldnt reach out to him like HEY UH ARE YOU OKAY THIS BOOK IS KIND OF UHH CONCERNING, which is ABSOLUTELY what roxy and jake would do... and in my opinion, that's probably WHY dirk went through with it and gave it to her after all that waffling back and forth. because he can't handle honest confrontation about his mental state, but on one level or another, he WANTS to be understood

so like, i think thats why jane and dirk's relationship is so interesting to me. they Understand each other and find comfort in that passive understanding. i think it's also part of why they both went steadily downhill when they... well they never fought over jake, because again these two idiots are too avoidant to have a direct confrontation about it, but they certainly let that whole situation drive a wedge between them which resulted in both of them feeling even more isolated despite roxy's desperate efforts to hold the entire disaster gang together

man.... i just think about the alpha kids a lot........

[char-lotteral]

I agree with Kishimoto never trying to use the girls. The hate they get is not fair. I used to defend Sakura back in the days because I hoped kishi would do her justice. When shippuden started I WAS SO HAPPY because I thought this was the start of something great for Sakura and the girls but NOOOOO. Every time, Sasuke showed kishi turned her brainless. If you compare Naruto's actions and Sakura's actions to sasuke, you'd see they're completely different. What's up with that weird fake love confession scene 😭? It makes her look like she was manipulating Naru. JEEZ.

Also he literally had badass Tenten and Temari with cool useful abilities and he didn't use them ?! TF ?! Thank god for modern authors who treat their characters with respect :)

okay2 you know how i am with these longass rants so click readmore and brace yourselves

The way I see it, Sakura's character development in shippuden was always one step forward, two steps back. She gets this really badass scene (like her fight with Sasori and those cool ass medical skills) but is then regressed back into a pining girl in love every time Sauce is on screen or Kishi just throws her in the background YET AGAIN.

I love Sakura's abilities actually. Her brute strength, intelligence, vast knowledge and skill as a medic nin. But what I dislike about her character is how kishi handled her feelings for Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura's obsession with Sasuke was so???? huh??? it was so damn toxic and i never once understood why both Nardo and Sak were so obsessed with him. They were a team for one year???? I mean its great that they care about him alot but Sauce's feelings were kinda valid. His freakin clan died. Id go batshit crazy against my own village too. BUT BESIDES THAT. Both Nart and Sakura's Sasuke obsession was so annoying. 80% of shippuden was literally Keeping up with the Uchihas or Naruto yelling SASUKEH. BUT what irks me so much is the fandom's double standards with both Naruto and Sakura. "Oh Sakura shouldve gotten over her Sasuke obsession" but then turn around and call Naruto's obsession cute and gush about how he's so in love with him!!

Hot take but the only reason why sasunaru is "the most developed ship with the most chemistry" is because theyre both male characters.

I guarantee you if Naruto was a girl and SHE would be the one to have this unhealthy obsession who was chasing around Sasuke, the fandom would shit on Naruto just as much. And if Sasuke were a girl, Sauce would be sidelined like the rest of the female cast and Naruto would have another male character to have a "brotherly bond" with, because thats the only bond Kishimoto is actually good at developing. Yey for male characters having all the screentime and cool assets <333

And about that confession scene, I get her intentions. I really do. I understand that she did that in order to bring him home and that she cares about him but honey, w-why?? Why lie to him about your feelings?? Supposed he DID believe her, then what? then what kishi???? huh??? Some of her fans point the blame on Sai or whatever but I personally dont see why that scene was at all necessary. Maybe to establish Naruto's feelings for her wasnt all that serious? or his maturity? idk man. That scene was such a clusterfuck.

In the end her development in The Last and in Boruto was immaculate. She had one of the best glow ups in the old gen and ironically enough, her character wasn't butchered in Boruto. She got badass scenes she was cheated from in shippuden. I also love how she's finally getting the spotlight she deserves. Unlike the other konoha 12 :,)))

Okay onto the next female character that Kishi completely wasted. My baby. My light. 🙈 AAAHHH HINATAA.

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN OKAY2 DEEP BREATHS.

Let me just establish this real quick. Hinata's goal was to get stronger because of Naruto, her goal was never to be with Naruto. She wanted to become someone who is worthy enough to stand beside him, someone whom he can consider as an equal, as a partner. She NEVER once said "marrying Naruto-kun is my all time goal UwU" (if youre one of those weirdos who interpret her character that way, youre immediately invalid, go take a hike)

I personally dont have anything against their crushes but to the point of making their personalities revolve around these guys every time theyre onscreen is so fucking frustrating. And with the way he writes their dialogues is so.damn.cringey. Like that one scene in the war arc with Tsunade and Madara

"I mAy bE a WomAn but I aM nOt WeAAKKKK"

BAAHAHAAHHA WHAT?? Everyone else gets coolass monologues and one liners but thats the best you can come up with Kishi?????? Hilarious.

If im being honest. Hinata's character is actually kinda well written. Not well executed. Dear God no. But with the way he set her story, her personality, her chracterization. She's honestly one of the best written female characters on the show. IMO. By Kishi's standards of writing women ofc. She's hands down one of the most complex characters. Her shy personality wasnt out of the blue, it wasnt a cutesy waifu trait. Her abusive upbringing made her that way. Her trauma turned her that way. So yeah, sue her if she looked up to Naruto as an inspiration when everyone else in her family treated her like dust. Shit on her for having Naruto's love light in her dark when her own damn father wouldnt even look her in the eye and her entire clan shunned her because she was "weak." She doesnt owe her family shit so idgaf what they do with the Hyuga clan. Neji and Hanabi aren't included btw

Im not gonna deny that her role in the show was only as the love interest but tbh for a love interest, Im glad her character wasnt so one dimensional. It just pains me SO MUCHHH how fucking wasted she is. Every time she's with Naruto, they always make her into a damsel in distress. They always feel the need to turn Naruto into the heroic prince. How cute.

LIKE THAT ONE SCENE IN THE LAST WHERE SHE'S THROWN IN THE CAGE?? WHY??? LET NARUTO AND HINA FIGHT THAT FREAKING ALIEN GOD TOGETHER. QUIT WITH THE TOXIC MASCULINITY. WE GET IT. NARUTO'S STRONG. GOOD FOR HIM. NOW LETS SEE HINATA THROW HANDS AND PUT NARUTO IN THE CAGE GODAMMIT

Hnggggg dont get me started with her role in Boruto. She's as relevant as a damn houseplant in the manga. They made her into an invisible trophy wife and "the mc's mother" and we all KNOW what happens to the shounen mc's mother once mc is in need of character development :) Quit putting her in the background. Give us that scene where she won against Hanabi DESPITE being retired for years. Give us that scene where she trains Boruto. GIVE US ANY FIGHT SCENE OF HER WHERE HER POTENTIAL ISNT WASTED WTF?¿

Now if you say that Hinata didnt have development. YOURE INVALID. She came from an abusive household, the shyest girl in her class, her insecurities got in the way of her own confidence, had difficulty of standing up for herself now became a loving mother of two, has the guts to kick her husband out of the house(with whom she couldnt even keep eye contact with when she was a kid) became the strongest hyuga, most supportive wife and mother, and has given her kids the comforting childhood she never had as a kid.

She has one of the most beautiful stories in the show and if you think her personality is only Naruto-kun and big boobs, then im sorry that you cant appreciate such a heartwarming story.

And I agree, killing her would honestly make me feel more at ease than continue to see her suffer because of godawful misogynistic writers. But at least let her die in an epic fight. Please. PLEASEE. She got nerfed so bad, i feel a physical pain every time i think about it

Okay what else. I think Ino got pretty good development. Another wasted potential in shippuden but she's doing good for herself in Boruto. I dont know what Temari is up to. They basically made her into another classic angry mom who beats up her husband for comedy trope. Haha very funny and original! Im not sure with her career, im not that invested in the anime.

Tenten??

oh G O D Tenten. The dirtiest of all. Her jokes about her screentime is so mean and i hate that its true ahsjhs. She was the only female character in OG who's goal wanted to be as strong as Tsunade but what did Kishi do to her?? Sidelined. Forgotten. Irrelevant. Like every damn female on the show :D

Konan shouldnt have died. I blame plot armor. I know in my heart that Konan wouldve kicked Obito's ass if it weren't for Kishi's boomer mindset.

Tsunade had so much hype when she was introduced but died down in the war arc. Madara wiped the floor with the kages. Holy shit. Not only that, but yipee! Naruto is there to save the day AGAIN!!!!

AND UGHHHH If the female characters were given proper treatment then maybe MAYBE all the endgame couples wouldve made fucking sense????¿¿¿

I think that ends my rant. Im not sure how the female characters in Boruto are handled. Except maybe Sarada (she's pretty well executed in the manga imo). But arguably they are sooo much better handled in Boruto than how the old gen girls were. And thats because Kishi isnt anywhere near the new gen female cast. I cant formulate a solid opinion with the other new gen female cast since im not entirely invested in the anime. Not ashamed to admit that I only watch it for the sunshine moments and for Hinata :DD

[usertoxicyaoi]

The reaction was really interesting. I agreed with a lot of Bright’s point and it was nice to see a different perspective. I really wish they had showed it in the show. You can tell Bright is really attached to Sarawat and it hurts his heart to see the pain. It also showed me that the finale could have been loads better with a few cute scenes and a proper discussion. This is what Bright was talking about. At the end of the day it was the lack of communication.

Ahh I loved that reaction video and I loved seeing Bright talking about Sarawat’s point of view. I’m sure one of the reasons they bought him was the amount of shit he was getting from some people. This however also showed me what the show lacked. Though I loved 2gether.. most of the time we saw things were Tine’s perspective. It would have really been good to see it from Sarawat’s perspective in the last episode. You can also see Bright’s frustration at times with how they portrayed Sarawat.

I assume you watching the reaction video atm! Let me say this boy gives me heart attacks like how thoughtful he is and wants to explain sarawat’s every move since episode 12 and why he acted the way he acted. I felt like he kept it inside for so long that it needed to be spoken out like when he wanted to see a reaction from P’Jennie how he looked away and then right back at her. He was so stressed and on the edge the whole time! How he repeatedly said he’s sorry for Sarawat cause he knows that everyone was sorry for Tine but didn’t get to see/understand his side of version. He also zoned out in a couple of scenes like this boy has sooo many emotions and it feels it’s too overwhelming for him(I feel that at least). I’m so grateful that Bright exists and talk about loving a man and to feel love so freely!! He could’ve said so much in the end but instead it was more like an apology for hurting Tine and how his character works. He understands Sarawat so much. I’ll cry. I didn’t thought my opinion would be that long... he’s speaking so enthusiastically about Sarawat and what his character taught him. This boy is really a blessing for the 2gether + lgbt+ community I love him he’s a child like a babie :((

Bright just wants to smooch his co-star but the universe won’t let him.

hiii anons!!! i’m gonna combine all of your asks into one bc we’re all essentially talking about the same thing.

yeah. so. the ep 13 reaction video. lets talk about it.

firstly, i ... it will never cease to astound me just how much bright loves sarawat? he knows him with every fibre of himself. he knows sarawat right down to the tendon and bone of him. like. bright’s taken so much time out to character study sarawat, get into his psyche and mind and heart. and. i hate novel! sarawat, but, bright’s taken that character, and made it his own, completely transforming him. and that takes so much understanding and commitment and passion. truly, we don’t deserve bright. we really don’t. and i am so thankful we got bright to play sarawat. no body else could have done sarawat better than bright. so much so that like .... they both overlap, bright and sarawat. sometimes its hard to distinguish where sarawat ends and bright begins.

and like some of yall said, i think it was a very clever ... move (?) ... to star bright to react to ep 13, solo, without win. bc, like yall mentioned, and like im gonna dwell on now: 2gether was entirely from tine’s perspective. it reminds me a bit of skam, in that way, that ... ya know even tho i’ve watched skam and i should KNOW this, but i still forget just how POWERFUL perspectives are. and how much they influence your way of thinking. i touched upon this after ep 12, but now after watching bright react to the whole of ep 13, like, it comes back to that. we saw everything through tine’s eyes. and so, it felt like, sarawat’s side needed to be justified. but it could never be done on the show bc the show was about tine’s perspective. and the only way it could have been done, is if they both would have talked.

which brings me onto my next point, that bright mentions - the biggest barrier and fault was they both don’t know how to talk. i touched upon this just yday actually, how sarawat is someone who doesn’t know how to talk, he’s more of a do-er (like bright said), whereas tine is someone who overthinks himself to the point of sickness and anxiety and so he doesn’t know how to voice that out, and like bright said, tine is someone who is EXTREMELY obedient - if someone says something to him to do, tine will go along and do that and won’t say no to them. which means that tine himself has had very little experience of going with his gut and how he feels, and when he comes face to face in a situation like that, it becomes Very overwhelming for him.

so, it was really clever to have bright on, solo, to explain everything from his and sarawat’s perspective. especially the bit where bright was like “everytime someone flirted with tine, wat never once questioned his trust for tine or their love, he would go directly to the person in question and deal with them.” and ... ya know, that’s more easier for sarawat to do, than it is for tine, who isn’t like that at all - like bright said, tine is the more obedient one who just follows along everybody else’s suggestions and has never really used his agency to decision make for himself.

and so ... yeaah. like. people sent a LOT of verbal abuse to bright after ep 12. and bright even said he knew it would happen, bc the entire series is from tine’s perspective, he understood that from well before. so he says he was prepared, but he still didn’t come on social media that often bc he got so much verbal abuse over it. 

and like, i’ve said before, just like how jennie and go said in the reaction video, that we should have got less flashbacks in the finale, and instead, we could have had a more sweeter scene. that could have been and should have been a proper, open and honest conversation between tine and sarawat, or, as bright suggested, a kiss. so, ya know, as some people were saying that maybe bright was just uncomfortable about kissng win??? no. no he wouldnt be AT ALL. it just ... never occured in the script. but yeah. i think .......... it really did get to bright - that sarawat never on the show got a chance to explain. 

which honestly makes me feel like thats why half the time he would improvise as sarawat? and add in things he KNOWS sarawat would/should do bc he KNOWS the depths of his love for tine so he used those moments so smartly to show that (a sign of v v v good acting!!!). like a marriage proposal, or putting tine’s hand over his shoulder, or adding in cheek kisses. like. bright’s really gone over and beyond for sarawat and tried to show just how intensely in love wat is with tine, with the little space and room for manoeuvre that he got granted.

idk if the some of scripts were written in a rush? i mean, 2gether was the FIRST show from gmmtv to air in 2020 - if i’m correct???? - so, between november to february, the had to get everything shooted and done, but they MUST have started script writing earlier than that. idk ... 

personally, i do wish we did get some more of the novel scenes in the show. like, sarawat and tine coming out to sarawat’s dad was SUCH a BEAUTIFUL scene in the novel but we never got it on the show. why? bc it was from sarawat’s perspective, not tine’s. another really nice scene, is the cinema scene where they held hands, but on the show we got a different version of it, where instead, they talked about a happy or tragic ending before tine decides to accept being wat’s boyfriend and they hug (i like that scene though, purely bc we got to see win’s crying which was !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING! and the hug was SUPER sweet!). 

but yeah, it .... idk. seeing bright in that reaction video in some moments Hurt. bc .... there was so much he wanted to say but he kept it in. and he’d just glance and sigh and look down or away bc he GETS sarawat in a way i think nobody else does. and so ..... had the show had more time, or was able to cut out some scenes and replace them with other and rewrite bits, we could have gotten sarawat’s perspective, and not had the show completely butcher sarawat’s image in ep 12 the way they did, only for them to then have less than one episode, a finale no less, to save his face again, whilst also tying up every other plot at the same time. 

like, bright has SO MUCH to offer as sarawat. and bright says he doesnt know about a season 2 (yet), but, ya know, if we ever got to see tine and sarawat again, i kinda wish they allow bright more freedom - bc he understands his character a lot more better than the writers do, i feel. he gets sarawat on soul deep level. so i just wish they’d give bright more freedom to be sarawat. and i have no doubt that, if that had been the case, we would have gotten a LOT more physical intimacy between tine and sarawat. i’m not mad about the lack of it, but, i’m assuming that bright would have really made sarawat be a lot more physical with tine. but at the same time, i agree with bright when he said that tine and wat are people who show their affections to one another in private - which is why i am SO ...... upset that we never got to see tine and wat ALONE in the one year later scene, bc, like i said, they WOULD have been a LOT LOT LOT more intimate then. but they weren’t alone. so they weren’t intimate. which. yeah. 

but at the same time, ya know, bright’s so .... like. he gets where the hurt for tine stems from. just like how he gets sarawat’s character, he gets tine’s too. but like he said, he’s lived and breathed wat since day one - and so, i think he just really wanted a chance to explain everything from sarawat’s point of view. he really didn’t need to apologise at all, and yet he did, on behalf of wat hurting tine. 

so whilst i know its just said that oh ya know bright should just write the whole of s2, i kinda wish, if we were to get one, that they writers would sit down and LISTEN to bright and win and take some input of theirs in, since, they’re the ones who KNOW their characters and play them. 

but yeah, bright’s mind. his intellect. his knowing of sarawat ............. it will never cease to amaze to me just how dedicated he was at an emotional and psychological level to play sarawat.

[wychive]

𝙢𝙞𝙙𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩

fic type // letter fic - 0.5k words

genre(s) // PG16 & angst, mourning angst, sibling!au

warning(s) // vulgar words, car accidents, mental illness depiction, drunk driving, breakdowns

summary // mourning - you write a letter to your deceased brother, wooyoung.

author’s note // read this while listening to ricky montgomery’s mr loverman!! it’ll set a good angsty setting. this letter is somewhat a copping mechanism so im so sorry to everyone who is going to read this and see the real me (??)! i hope you all have a good day

general taglist // @noya-sannnn, @crvgio, @luthenia​ 

[ send an ask to be in my taglist ]

dear wooyoung,

how are you doing? i hope everything has been well. its been raining here for the past few days. heavily. you would enjoy it so very much, i hope the rain is keeping you company there as well. is it bad that ive been thinking about you lately? ever since you left me in this town, it’s been okay but for some reason,, this week has been the worst. it’s the loneliest ive felt in a long time. are you thinking of me too?

times like these are when i start to miss everything we did. i miss when we would skip classes just to go out and have a little adventure in the woods. whether it be trying to find mushrooms or saying hello to the deers, trust me when i say every moment felt enjoyable. and when we would get detention together? we were practically inseparable. that one time where they caught us starting a food fight? the looks on their faces are unforgettable.

i miss your smile that made your eyes turn into a crease or the way you let out squeaks whenever you laughed too hard. i miss the way you would hold me close and the way you would ask for kisses during the worst times. i miss the random places you would take me to on impromptu midnight trips that turned into road trips to far away lands, and the screams you would let out on the apartment rooftop.

i miss you, so so much. please, come back to me. why did you have to leave? why did you have to be drunk? why did you have to drive through the darkness? when they found you, i knew you wouldnt be back but at the same time i knew i was going to see you again. im so sorry that i didnt pick up the phone that night, i didnt know it was going to be the last time i got to talk to you. i couldve saved you but i didnt, silly me, right?

fuck, it hurts so much. please help me. my tears are staining this paper full of words that belong to a person who’s gone forever. by now, we couldve been running away and giving zero cares in the world. why, why, why did they have to take you away from me? i dont understand why. everything was going so well till it everything washed away with a wave.

oh, what am i supposed to do without you? my stupid beautiful brother. im writing this in the place you first cried in my arms, when you were at your weakest. i can still hear you crying for help and it hurts because you never told anyone else about what happened inside that blooming brain of yours. the screams and cries you let out were hollow yet i understood every word you said.

im sorry. im so sorry. wait for me, mum and dad, alright? we’ll be there soon. goodnight, woo, sleep tight.

- your sibling in crime, y/n

[officehrs]

i had a dream about r that felt so real. 😔 VERY long post excuse me ,, if u read, feel free to analyze or tell me to shut up fkfnkfnfd

i dont remember anything about how it started but the first thing that really happened was that i was on a site on my laptop in his class, solving some sort of "riddle",,,, i read it to myself aloud very quietly trying to process it, when r came up from behind me and whispered a small fragment of the sentence into my ear so breathily and slowly?? like "hmmmm [breathes] how how how [breathes] do we do thisssssssss" ... i mocked the gesture back to him when he was done (bc admittedly it WAS super weird for him) as he sat down. its important to note he acted cold towards me in a way, and seemed really different.

he asked me "so, what is it youre doinggg", the same way he said stuff before. i read to him the context of the question on the site and he understood somehow. immediately, he pulled out his phone (which was an older black samsung instead of his iphone??) and began typing an email with all the answers and an explanation. while he did, i subconsciously leaned myself against his shoulder and his whole left arm, before he began to adjust his shoulder as if to shake me off. i sat in the back of my chair, slightly saddened by his gesture, but i didnt want to push boundaries.

it only took 10 seconds and when i checked my email, it was at least 6 pages worth of text. i was super confused as to how he typed so fast!! but he didnt really say anything about it. i scrolled to the end and found he wrote about "forgiving" (idk what to call it, i didnt do anything bad HFKFJFJF) something i had done in real life, hence why this dream felt so real. he gave me an extra assignment in the email and wrote it on a white board on the wall, with a smiley face next to it 🥺 i didnt notice it until later though

i dont remember the context but HE STARTED BRUSHING MY HAIR?? it seemed like he didnt think anything of it, so in my head i was like 😳oh my god ,,, AND I WAS THINKING OF POSTING ABOUT IT ASAP ON MY ACCOUNT GJFBFNF it felt incredible and i didnt want him to stop, and he didnt for some time ,, he played with my hair a little and kept brushing bffnndn and he said stuff while he brushed in that same breathy tone and it made me Lose My Mind

then, he stopped and some stuff happened idk but i sat back down at my usual desk,, he had put a movie up on the big smartboard at the front of the class, and somehow sent us a multi-pic instagram post to look at, which was a quote from some revolutionary about going against our oppressor (🧍NDNDNDMDM) ,, i found some problematic part at the very end, which at this time he walked past my seat, walking around the class as usual. i subconsciously looked to be in deep speculation, and i felt him look down at me, and my screen?? but i didnt look up, as he seemed to be breathing in the same kind of deprived tone as before. he was still walking, though very slowly. it was somehow quiet in the class except for the movie, so his footsteps boomed throughout. somewhere at this time is where i noticed the smiley face on the board, and thought it was very sweet!!

then, the final bell rang for the day. everyone got up, including me and r. i grabbed a black acoustic guitar he just had on display in his class, and went to the cafeteria, waiting for my ride to get here (which i dont do irl?? anyway) ,, on my way there, in the hallways people were talking about the movie they watched in class, and some people were sad they missed out on seeing the insta post ,, i noted it in my head, and i kept on my way to the cafeteria.

i made it there, and found a corner to stand in. the whole place was kinda packed?? i guess it was bc some teacher/staff person was giving a speech right as i was walking into the cafeteria. he said, verbatim, "he said 'im just gonna get a whole fuckton of money and then save it all' and now look at him! hes dead! that motherfucker is dead because he didnt know how to save his shit!" which i found very weird, of course. everyone was quiet during this, and it may have been out of shock too. i was most particularly shocked by the fact that a bunch of staff was lines up near this lecturer, but didnt twitch or bat an eye at all. like they were ok with this???? something very different from irl

when the little rant ended, everyone went back to talking to each other. i began quietly playing the guitar, as i had no one to speak to, even though i did know the person i stood next to. the people who stood around me stopped talking after a few seconds, most of them watching me. unintelligibly, the person i knew asked "you play the sgrhgsuejfk?",, i assumed they had said "guitar" and after careful contemplation for like 10 seconds, i said yes. they didnt reply, so i kept playing as they watched.

some person to the left of me, standing kinda far started annoyingly asking questions towards us. they wouldnt stop, and started targeting people to ask their dumb and strange questions to. i quit playing and walked right up to their face, saying repeatedly "if you're gonna harass anyone, let it be me. why dont you harass me instead? go ahead, ask whatever. harass me, not them." i dont think they were genuinely harassing people post-dream, but thats how i felt and thats how i stated it anyway. after 10 seconds of shouting at them, the person started asking me the question, and as i was about to answer, i looked down at my phone (which read 7:50) and said "i gotta go anyway" ,, i needed to return r's guitar back to his class, so i left the cafeteria, with the person i knew following me, i think.

the hallways seemed much different. i was looking around for r's classroom, confused, and it seemed to become a maze of sorts of unlabelled, windowless doors. instead of looking for his classroom, instarted looking for r himself, wandering around. and i found him!! but he gave me a cold glance as he looked behind himself before closing the door he just opened. as a result, i went to a door parallel, across the hallway. i opened it and it lead to a dark, dimly lit hallway full of several other doors. i was very disoriented, and kept going through random doors. i found r again several times, only for him to enter through another passage of doors, coldly. eventually i found my way out of the maze, and the person i knew reappeared to the right of me, talking to me. we conversed about our day, as i tried to figure out how to get to r's classroom. the school seemed to have a different layout, one that was continuous, unfamiliar, and yet i felt as if i had a sense of direction. the person didnt comment on it, only they followed me wherever i went. we went up and down floors, made it back to the cafeteria, and as we were going up again to try to find his classroom (realizing we went the wrong way) the dream ended.

this was very strange 🧍