#and i want to shower bc i feel Gross but im so tired and i have a huge headache :(((

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

mac i am so sorry to enter ur inbox with more qsmp but oh my god. qcellbit update. so he talked to bagi. his sister. he still doesn't remember her. he still needs time to process everything but she said she's waited fifteen years so she can wait a few more days. i'm crying and sobbing rn. also he doesn't even fucking remember what he did to get thrown in prison, all he knows is that he was killing people to survive one day and another he was behind bars. i'm UNWELL!!! he got called in to talk to cucurucho (the fuckin THING that's kind of the federation mascot and it tortured cellbit with a chainsaw months ago FUCK CUCURUCHO ALL MY HOMIES HATE CUCURUCHO) and he was just. fucking tired. yesterday he messed with the feds quite publicly and cucurucho questioned him about it and he said "i don't care what you do to me, you can torture me, i don't care. i just want my family back, i want a future with them. just give me peace. let me rest." HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING TIRED. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING UNTIL SOMEONE POSTED A TRANSLATION BUT HE SOUNDED SO SO SAD. AND NOW CELLBIT HIMSELF IS GOING TO TWITCHCON SO QCELLBIT IS TAKING A WEEK LONG DEPRESSION NAP. MAC CAN U HEAR ME. I'M UNWELL. I'M LOSING IT. THIS IS ME RN

anyway. hows ur day. i might go watch some steven universe bc i have been meaning 2 rewatch it (or adventure time!!!! one of the two for sure) take a short break from binge watching hannibal 2 watch a silly funny cartoon :3 also still trying to make my way thru marble hornets again it's just such an insane series 2 rewatch u know but i'm getting there!!! sorry i am just currently lying on the floor in my brain thinking about qsmp i had 2 tell u what happened 2 ur blorbo in law today

NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ABOUT PUTTING STUFF IN MY INBOX I LOVE GETTING MAIL I LOVE LEARNING THROUGH OSMOSIS I LOVE LISTENING 2 PPL TALK ATBT THINGS THEY LOVE

that sounss aboslutely DEVASTATING btw. oh my god. so the whole thing is like.. she remembers him but he doesnt remember her ?? GODDDD thats so upsetting. im glad hes getting 2 take a nap even if it is a depression one sigh. oh man oh man i love this.

my day was! good i think! i have not had a day to reat since my whole job shadow debacle last week so im kimd of running on fumes BUT . i have off work tmw so im gonna get a haircut and feel all good about everything. and maybe work on some art bc im now caught up to my pre prepped invertober images and i have a couple other time sensitive things like that. ougah. we keep truckin. ive got a huge backlog of youtube videos to watch from last week + beginning of this week i cannot Wait to get thru those and also watch more adventure time !! bc i have offically gotten to Stakes (a marcelone centric mini series) and it is one of my favorite eras ever. i love you vampire lore!!!

[szczylpierdolony]

.

[giverofempathy]

day 2 of exam semester and im ready to shoot myself in the head 😁🔫

[pochaccoups]

achilles’ heel — choi seungcheol

pairing — choi seungcheol x fem!reader

summary — after a knee surgery, your boyfriend feels off about his body. you’re determined to show him just how much you love it.

wc — 3.1k

warnings — nsfw content. minors dni. smut, established relationship, light angst, fluff, body insecurity, body worship, petnames (baby, pretty girl), oral sex (m receiving), creampie

author’s note — hi i still think about when cheol said in a live that he wears big hoodies bc he’s insecure of his body and im still upset because i need him to know that he makes couprangs (ME) feel insane over his body that’s sooo big and strong ok enjoy

Something is bothering Seungcheol.

You’ve been with your boyfriend long enough to reasonably suspect when there’s something on his mind, and while he’s gotten relatively good at putting on a front to his members, it’s a little harder for him to conceal his thoughts from you. You, who’s ever observant and aware of his habits. You, who, when Seungcheol is sick with something even if non-contagious, somehow coincidentally feel the same symptoms. You, who is practically empathetically connected with him.

It’s not hard to notice that he’s been distant, though. Ever since he’d been able to walk again after his surgery, he’s had a weird edge to him that was never there before, like a rescue dog with trust issues. 

By no means had he become neglectful to you. Not once had he stopped treating you like you were his entire world, but it was all in the way his hugs weren’t as tight as usual. He insisted he didn’t need help with things like showering or dressing anymore—which was fair since he could walk now, but when you’d asked if he wanted to join you in the shower, suddenly he was too tired. Once upon a time you couldn’t even finish the question before he was stripped naked and next to you. 

You don’t remember the last time you’d been intimate with him. The moment your lips would make their way to his neck after a soft makeout, he’d ease you away from him, gently confessing that he just wasn’t in the mood, that he was just too tired again. 

And that’s fine with you—you’d die before disrespecting the boundaries which are so crucial to your relationship. You did miss him though, and deep down, something in your heart had told you that, along with everything else, something was not right.

You’re curled into his side one night when you find the courage to confront him.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

Your suspicions are confirmed the moment his chest stiffens under your cheek. 

“I know… Why?” he asks, hesitant, as though he’s walking on eggshells.

“I feel like you’ve been acting, I don’t know, off. I’m worried about you, Cheollie,” you admit, poking your finger into his torso. 

Three of his breaths, full of contemplation, fill the air before he speaks again. 

“It’s my body,” he says. “I don’t like how much bigger I’ve gotten.”

You bolt upright, staring dead into his eyes with daggers in yours.

“That’s why you’ve been so squirmish?”

He nods his head, pouting absentmindedly, then continues. “I’ve just felt… gross.”

It takes everything in you not to smack him across the face. Your hands ball into fists, your face growing hot as rage bubbles and stirs beneath your skin. You climb on top of him, trapping his waist between your thighs as you sit upon him.

“Choi Seungcheol, you’re so stupid.” There’s an air of affection in your words, but you hope they’re stern enough to get through to him.

He groans as he hides his face in the fabric of his hoodie. “This is why I didn’t tell you.”

“Because you knew it was stupid? Cheol, you were in rehab recovering from surgery. You literally couldn’t walk for weeks. Besides, you’re acting like it’s a bad thing that you’ve gotten ‘bigger’,” you say, fingers wrapping around his wrists so you can pull his hands away from his face. “Do you know how feral you’ve been making me feel recently?”

“Feral?!” he says, eyes widening as he fails to stifle an adorable giggle.

“Your shoulders are so broad now and it drives me fucking crazy,” you say, falling into a fit of your own laughter because the sound of your boyfriend’s laugh is more contagious than any sickness. 

Lacing your fingers with his, your expression hardens. In the rich brown of his eyes, his insecurity finally rears itself to you—and you’re determined to destroy every last shred of it.

“Love everything about your body, Cheol. Love when you cuddle me and hug me with your big arms, makes me feel so safe,” you confess, your smile radiating warmth. Your fingers squeeze his ones.

“Love how you can carry me around, on your back, in your arms…” You let go of his hands to flatten your palms against his stomach, smoothing up his torso slowly. His own hands, eager to never be empty, find your hips, his fingers pinching softly at you through your leggings.

“Love your thick thighs, love sitting in your lap…” You’ve reached his chest now and Seungcheol is smirking — he’s well aware of your obsession with this part of him. 

“Love when you throw me around, manhandle me like a ragdoll, pin me down…” You’re grasping at his shoulders now, leaning forward until there’s hardly an inch between your faces.

“Love when you spank me…” 

It’s then that something in Seungcheol shifts. His pants grow tighter, his hips shifting underneath you as you straddle him. He likes to think he’s a man of self-control, even when it comes to your antics. But there are times where he abandons all discipline — right now, his head is cloudy because he hasn’t let you touch him in weeks.

“You’ve been depriving me of cock all this time because you’ve been eating too good?” you say, scoffing as you reach for the hem of Seungcheol’s hoodie to tug at it. You pause, glancing at him for approval. Still with a dash of hesitation he sits up, helping you shrug it over his head, exposing himself to you.

“Don’t get too bratty, I can keep depriving you,” he retorts, but it’s playful. 

It’s like your first time with him all over again. All you’d gotten over the past few weeks were glimpses of his bare skin, a peek as he came out of the shower or changed or when his shirt lifted up as he stretched. He’s always been a little modest, but never to this extent. 

The sight of his bare form knocks every last breath from your lungs. He’s always been beautiful—strong and dependable, now even more so. His body has always given you the urge to get on your knees and worship and pray to him like the Greeks did, now it feels as though you were born to do just that. 

Then there’s a pang of violence, too, because he hasn’t even changed that drastically. He’s a little softer in his tummy, his arms a little thicker, but that’s all, really. It’s definitely not something for him to have been hiding out of disgust. Of course, it’s not all too difficult to deduce why he felt it necessary to do it—he’s an idol. It’s his job to look picturesque and perfect and flawless. His mind is bound to become mean, to turn to cruel lies of not being good enough.

Your lips leave a trail along his skin, from his collarbones, to his chest, and down his abdomen. Your hope is that each kiss will help chase away Seungcheol’s every last insecurity. It’s naive of you, perhaps, because it will take a lot more than just this to unravel what he has convinced himself of. At the very least, it’s a start.

You paw at the band of his sweats, lips hovering below his belly button as you glance up at him.

“Can I take them off?”

A nervous pause. Then, “do it,” he says, sighing softly. 

And then you’re pulling them down his legs, down his thick, hard thighs—the ones made for you to sit on. 

His boxers come next, but not before you ask for his explicit permission again. More than ever, you’re utterly dedicated to his comfort. 

It’s instinct how your hand reaches for his cock, heavy as your fingers wrap around it and so thick that your fingertips don’t even touch. The sight of it which you’ve missed so much, pretty, pink, and veiny, has you drooling already, your teeth baring down on your bottom lip. You’re aching between your legs. 

You need him inside you or you might die.

Seungcheol’s eyes sparkle as he watches your lips leave wet kisses along his length, pecking along the veins as you make your way up, then spoiling his tip with sweet smooches and kitten licks in between.

“Missed you, Cheol,” you tell him, breathy and tender.

“I know,” he says, then you take his cock past your lips and he hisses as the warmth of your mouth greets him. 

He doesn’t realise how much he’s missed this, missed you, until his tip bumps the back of your throat and you’re choking around him despite not even having half of him in your mouth yet. His hand flies to grab a fistful of your hair, still managing to treat you gently as he pulls you back.

“Easy, pretty girl,” he pleads, the rasp in his voice instilling within you an urge to listen. His effect on you is trance-like, his honeyed voice irresistible. 

You blink up at him, batting your tear-brimmed lashes at him, knowing how it makes his heart swell. You take him slowly this time, one hand stroking at his base so that no inch of him is left untouched, and you swallow him little by little. 

Seungcheol lets out a low groan, a gorgeous sound that makes the world spin around you. It rushes straight to your core, burning through you, turning you hungrier, greedier.

You can’t help but slip one of your hands down between your thighs, sliding your fingers between your folds which you find practically dripping. Your fingertips dance over your clit, circling it softly before you dip two of your digits inside to feed the insatiable flame that burns in your core. 

“Fuck, baby,” Seungcheol groans, catching sight of the way your fingers pump in and out of your dripping hole. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

He doesn’t need to tell you—his cock twitches in your mouth as he speaks. 

The sheer size and thickness of your boyfriend’s length always proves challenging for you, but the heat emanating from deep within your core begs for you to spoil him—because his pleasure is equally yours—and has you burying him all the way down your throat in spite of the tears that spring to your eyes and the clench of your oesophagus around him. 

And the thing about Seungcheol is that his mere existence is enough to toss you out of your mind, to make you throw all morals out the window until you’re no better than a cat in heat.

He lets out a noise that’s part-laugh and part-moan as your nose nuzzles against the wiry hairs of his happy trail, never failing to be caught off guard by your eagerness even after years of being your lover. His hand settles on your cheek, at the corner of your lips that are stretched around his girth, his thumb drawing soft strokes on your skin.

“I said go easy,” he says, voice strained, but he chuckles amusedly through his words.

You bob your head back up, popping off of him briefly. Webs of glimmering spit connect your lips with his cock, and Seungcheol thinks you’ve never looked prettier. He can’t help but brush his thumb over your swollen lips while his eyes drink you in with a tender gleam. 

“Can’t help myself,” you reply, smiling coyly, then the next moment you’re back on him again, swirling your tongue around his tip.

You pull your fingers from your pussy momentarily to drag your nails along his thighs, so thick and heavy with muscle that you’re certain when you sink them into his skin he feels no more than a soft scratch. It helps when you swallow him whole again, helps keep your tears at bay just a little, helps the muscles of your throat relax so that you can bob your head up and down his length the way both you and him like it.

You don’t go too fast lest he pulls you away for ignoring his pleas, but there’s also no need for you to go too fast. Yes, you’ve missed him, missed having him like this, missed touching him, but right now that’s not what you’re concerned about. All that spurs you on is the want —the need—to make Seungcheol feel as desirable as he is to you. 

So you take him steadily, at a pace that’s enough to get him worked up and simultaneously lets your affection drip from every drag of your mouth along his length, lets you taste every inch of him and every drop of his salty precum. Your soft moans muffled by his cock merge with his ones, breathy and whiny, broken up by praises and light mewls of your name. 

One of your hands moves between your legs again, squelching as your fingers enter your throbbing cunt once more.

You refuse to break your eyes away from his, as though averting your gaze from him even for a second would mean he would vanish before you. It’s also Seungcheol’s Achilles’ heel—look into his eyes and he doesn’t stand a chance against you. 

You could predict the way curses start spilling from his lips and the way his cock starts to throb lightly in your mouth and the way his hips start to buck every time his tip reaches the back of your throat. When it comes to you, he’s weak and he will never hide it.

“Baby, I’m close,” he says, a near whisper. 

His confession prompts you to pull your mouth off of him and he whimpers, pouting shamelessly like a kicked puppy. Some alpha leader. 

“You’re really teasing me right now?” 

“Cheollie… You’ve been ignoring me for weeks and you think I’d just let you cum like that?” you say, but your voice is full of playfulness. You want to make up for the affection you haven’t been able to give him for so long, yet a part of you wants to get back at him a little. 

“I’ll remember this,” he grins.

“I know you will,” you tell him as you clamber up his legs until you’re straddling his waist, bending forward to press a chaste kiss to his mouth and pouting at him. “What if I want you to finish inside me though?”

“Then let me prep you first,” he insists, giant hands finding your hips and drawing circles with his thumbs. He’s about to flip you over onto your back, but you shake your head and press a hand to his chest to keep him still. 

“I’ve already prepped myself, Cheollie, you wanna taste?” 

Before he can bicker back, you push your soaked fingers between his lips and into his mouth, and he sucks them subconsciously, lapping up every last drop of your arousal with a moan.

When his mouth is free of your fingers, he smiles.

“I still wanna touch you,” he rasps, resolute.

You lean over him until your mouth is on his again, but this time your lips slide sloppily against one anothers’ from the mess of saliva and cum that drips from them. Your hands travel up his torso, palms smoothing over his bare flesh, but touching him is not enough. 

“I wanna take care of you, Seungcheol, so please just let me,” you whisper against his lips, grinding your hips over his cock where it lays against his abdomen. 

“Okay, okay,” he surrenders, sighing as your lips drop down to his neck and nip at his tender skin there. “But I’m eating you out for at least two hours next time.”

You perk back up to shoot him an unamused look, in spite of the fact that it’s really a win-win situation for you. You just hate that there’s no budging your boyfriend’s stubbornness. 

“I love you,” he says, lips curling into a ghost of a smirk.

And here is your Achilles heel, because you’re just a girl, after all. A girl not immune to her breathtaking lover’s sweet words, whose heart sways at his whispers of affection to her—to only her. 

Warmth floods your veins. The need to be one with him becomes urgent. 

Grasping onto Seungcheol’s broad shoulders, you sink down upon him, inch by inch until he’s bottomed out inside you and your moans of relief are perfectly in sync. He grips your hips so hard they’ll probably bruise, no doubt having become unused to how sweetly your warm walls envelop his cock like a hug. Meanwhile you’ve forgotten how his dick, in all its thickness, is capable of punching the air from your lungs.

Still, there’s no hesitation in the way you start to bounce your hips on him and it’s not long before the burning stretch fizzles into a glowing pleasure in the pit of your stomach. 

When you’re above him like this, you’re able to take in the sight of all of him. His biceps, bulky and thick, his shoulders, sturdy and broad. Every inch of him is so perfect that you wonder how he’s all yours. You hate to think about how he could have possibly felt disgusted by himself. If he wasn’t already yours in real life, he would be in your dreams, exactly as he is as he lays beneath you. 

It’s overwhelming. Feeling him again after so many weeks, the way his cock drives into you so deliciously, his sculpture-like body—you’re not sure what does it, probably a mixture of everything, but before you know it your pussy is clamping down on him and your entire body quivers with a wave of

“Fuck, I’m cumming too, baby, I’m right with you,” he utters, staring at you as if you descended straight from Heaven.

“No,” you say, and your hips halt their bouncing, yet your fingers are still toying with your clit as you recover from your orgasm. 

Seungcheol whines at the cruelty of it.

“Not until you agree this body is sexy,” you say, teasing, grinding your hips painfully slowly along his cock—certainly not enough to keep up any kind of stimulation.

He gives a pained, exasperated laugh, and thinks fuck, he’s in love with you. He’s not sure what he’s done, maybe saved a life or two in a past life, but even that seems like it’s not enough for him to deserve you. 

The way your walls squeeze down on his cock makes his head spin. If he doesn’t cum soon he thinks he might die.

“It is, okay? I love this body. Now please, please, keep going,” he blurts out, stroking his hands up and down your thighs sweetly, pouting up at you so irresistibly.

“Say it’s sexy.”

He whines again, painfully desperate. His voice breaks when he repeats your words; “my body is sexy.”

You smile like a little minx when you start to bounce up and down him again, even harder this time. Seungcheol moans, such a gorgeous sound, and before long he’s grasping at your waist and pulling you flush against him as his cock throbs and he fills you up with spurts of his warm seed.

As he comes back down with heavy breaths, you pepper his neck and jawline with saccharine kisses. 

“I love you,” you say, relishing in the weight and warmth of his strong arms wrapped around your nude body, in the feeling of his soft yet firm torso that’s one with your own. “You’re perfect to me.”

[lunarw0rks]

cod dudes with a nurse y/n but make it lowkey realistic: bc lets be real, after a 12 hr shift you do NOT want to hang out with friends, party, or socialize. ur feet hurt from walking and standing all day, your ears are tired from hearing the IV pumps beep all day, and the smell of C.diff makes u want to vomit. nurse y/n just wants to sit down or lay on the couch and be non-verbal... Gaz, price, and rudy are the sweetest. they pick that up real quick after mistakenly asking "hows ur shift" and y/n trauma dumped them for 5 hrs straight. they don't immediately ask for hugs and kisses bc they know u overwhelmed. they just pour u a cup of wine and sit next to you until YOU talk to them first. you lowkey gossip with them on ur day off or randomly be like "omg look at that dude over there next to the parking spot its giving edema". and then theres soap and ghost. Soap is clingy, yall really think hes gonna survive 12hrs of not seeing you? this man was waiting by the door at 7:15 pm. on the dot. wants to hug and kiss you and tell you about his day. but ur just so. fucking. tired. you tried to be as responsive but it always ended up with a tired "mhm". He legit got upset a few times but he'd be a good sport about it tho. eventually he caught on a couple of weeks in and now he just comes and hugs you from behind, kisses ur face, and cuddles you silently (AFTER you throw away ur dirty scrubs and shower. that C.diff smell is yucky yucky). Tells you he appreciates your care and effort for the patients every day :). Ghost.... omgg he said something lowkey offensive to you right after u got home from the worst shift of ur week. and he didnt even know WHAT he said/did, hes kinda bad a picking up ur cues. nurse y/n just turned around slowly, gave him the NASTIEST side eye, and stared at him for a good 2.5 min. This man immediately retreated from ur couch to wherever he was b4 like a hermit going back to its shell lmao. 2 hrs later you find a small written note and ur fave gurl dinner on the dining table.

Alejandro..... this man is SO PROUD of his s/o being a nurse. hes showing you off every chance he gets!!! He takes Nursing week SERIOUSLY. give you massages, spas, gifts, ect. but he doesnt get how tired and overwhelmed you are. you have to physically tell him to stop asking or letting his family asking medical question. "No ale. I will NOT look at auntie's mole on her stomach. when im off the clock im OFF THE CLOCK :("

Valeria threatens to beat up the management for you lol. she hates how you get treated by them sometimes. you didnt get the recognition you deserve. Def bosses her cartel men around to buy you gifts and such. one time she organized a whole day to spoil and pamper you. she gave you her own version of Daisy Award 🥺💞 Konig observes and internally analyzes ur every move. he panics tho. like "OMG she home but she already has a bottle of wine its different from the one she had yesterday.. omg omg she didnt even say hello that means her shifts was extra shitty today.... why is she sipping on the wine for so long and the last sip is longer than all previous sips........" He eventually learned you just need silent company. you were laying on the bed feeling burned out when he came over with some soup, kissed ur hand, and wrapped you in a blanket burrito :).

ah, realistic nurse!y/n. this is a breath of fresh air for me.

they're all trying their best. and honestly, what better pair? they also have an overstimulating, kinda gross (blood and bodily fluids), exhausting career !!

it's a match made in heaven !! (aside from the whole... miscommunication and barely seeing each other thing. but what's a good ship without some gut-wrenching angst?)

[djpachipikachu]

do graves!leosagi ever get tired of their friends/family labelling them?? like maybe leo’s bros make fun of him for having a “boyfriend” and he gets like rightfully irritated by that ?

its Kinda amusing bc eventually leo’s family at least straight up thinks theyre just really good pals and its like wow ! friendship ! in a more oblivious sense like they just kinda shrug and go oh yeah usagi’s here again whatever

originally mikey was insanely insanely suspicious of usagi and what his relationship was with leo (“hes literally just a friend” “YOU MEAN A BOY-FRIEND. AND U NEVER TOLD US.” “what am i supposed 2 say do i update u guys every time i make a friend” “If I See This Fuckinf Rabbit Sleeping In Your Bed Again I’m Telling Dad” “WE WERE HAVING A SLEEPOVER”) (mikey was mainly shocked bc leo invited a friend to sleepover who they didnt know And leo didnt tell anyone there was an extra mouth to feed for brekkie) but once everything was smoothed over usagi just became another regular, similar to how april is

leo himself tells raph that its a little more than that but only raph rly knows it and hes always had a hunch about them so it didnt change much in how the brotjers saw the two

usagi’s family on the other hand is definitely more “Boyfriend? boyfriend? boyfriend? crush? romance?” kitsune teases usagi about how dramatically romantic it must be to fall for a guy he hated in the beginning and usagi is like . so filled with Eugh. This Is Not Romantic. ick feeling that it causes him to be more in denial at how close he’s gotten with leo (in the beginning at least , later on kitsune still teases him but he’s more at ease with how him and leo are, so he always jusy goes “ew no im not kissing him dates r gross” but over time she toned it down to more “ooh is someone missing a certain kappa?” kinda teasing rather than “whens the wedding/has your first kiss happened yet lmao/etc” kinda teasing)

hana calls leo his boyfriend like all the time and like . usagi doesnt rly correct her bc she’s 8 and he doesnt know how to explain that they “arent Really boyfriends sure they do things that couples would do sometimes but its platonic and well you dont rly know what platonic means uh”

so she gets a pass on all her “IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND” comments since usagi is just like “yeagh its leo u wanna say hi”

auntie notices how leo visits a lot and she kinda just is like “okay ur like my kid now. lol.” she thinks they are just best friends bc usagi said they are and who is she to think otherwise, she kinda just absorbs leo (and later on the hamatos) as her own family and doesnt question their relatiomship much

chizu and gen tend to stay out of usagi’s personal business like that But gen did think that leo was a girl for a good while before he was ever introduced to him . and he was like “usagi if you wanna pick up the ladies u need like. do better. than this” “what. What” “like take a shower man” trying to give him flirting/relationship advice without actually knowing leo at all and also assuming usagi is straight

all in all its never really serious if people call them boyfriends or just best friends bc they dont really care to correct anyone it only matters if its like “so did you hit the [insert romantic relationship milestone] phase yet haha” bc that gets tiring to hear constantly

mainly all their family is just like “oh okay” at their relationship since i dont Really want to make the hardships of being aroace or being queer a big point since we already struggle enough with that irl ! a few details here and there about how their unlabelled status confuses some people but generally just a “we’ve seen weirder shit who cares” kinda energy to it

i love rambling . Thank you for the wuestion ily /p

[collidedscope]

i have work at 4…. so i need to arrive at the building by 3:55… it takes me 15 mins to get there, but i better round that up to 30mins in case of heavy traffic and so i don’t feel rushed, so i have to leave at 3:25….!it takes me about an hour to get ready, except i usually am rushing around and running late by the end of that hour, so maybe i should schedule 75minutes to get ready… but i already showered (which probably takes 15 minutes???), so i probably only do need an hour to get ready today… so i should probably start getting ready at 2:25…. but i might want to get coffee on the way, which probably will take an extra 10mins, so better start getting ready at 2:15….. although if i order something to eat along with my coffee, i don’t need to schedule time to eat something during my “getting ready” time… so if i’m not showering or eating anything, all i really need to do is get changed and brush my teeth, which should only take me like 10 mins…. so i actually only need to start getting ready at like 3, right?…. but no, i KNOW it usually takes me way longer than i think, so i should probably start getting ready around 2:30… it’s 1:20 right now, so i don’t have time to watch a movie or anything…. might as well just scroll on tumblr for a bit

*a full 90minutes later*: oh god, finally i have the motivation to get up! oh wait im starving so i do need to make food, and i also want to shower again bc i feel gross, and i’m tired so i will still need to stop and get coffee, and oh shit i need to blow-dry my hair now because there isn’t time for it to air dry… oh fuck my work shirt has a stain, let me spend 10 minutes in vain trying to get that out.. fuck, i’m in a rush and i’m late and i’m tired because the line at the coffee shop was wayyy too long…….. if only i spent an even longer time trying to schedule out my day, then i wouldn’t be in this situation.

[salted-caramel-tea]

let’s talk about the gross side of depression bc ppl always chalk it up to being sad and crying or just staring at the wall for hours but like . i haven’t washed my hair in almost two weeks . haven’t brushed my teeth in over a week now . i’m wearing the same pyjamas for about 2 months now bc they’re my comfy pyjamas and i don’t want to put them in the wash and not have that comfort for even a few hours . my floor is so dusty that my socks go grey immediately . i haven’t moved in 4 hours . the only reason my room is semi clean is because my boyfriend likes to come over after his classes some days and i don’t want him to see how bad i get . my dishes are piling up . haven’t done any of my skincare routine in like a month . haven’t showered in a few days and the only reason i showered then was bc my boyfriend stayed overnight . some people will read that and say ‘oh my god that’s so disgusting you’re so gross’ and others will say ‘well i have x so i have it worse’ but like . neither of those are the point of this post. i’m not disgusting im not lazy or refusing to take care of myself i’m trying to take care of myself whenever i can. im not saying look how bad things are for me rn im saying this isn’t really talked about as much and i’m tired of feeling the overwhelming guilt for not being able to take care of myself the way i want to when i’m depressed or stressed . even though it’s gross it’s one of the ways that depression affects so many people and instead of being shamed for it talk to them and see if they’re okay and help them to get out of the awful place they’re stuck in (without overstepping) im just tired of feeling ashamed of myself and pushing myself deeper into that hole

[stil-yr-sand]

everything is terrible all the time

[s0fter-sin]

ah yes, summer, when it’s too hot to do anything during the day and it takes the entire night to recover from it

[indigodawns]

.

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

y’all i cant stop thinking about this,,, i absolutely cannot stop thinking about it

so i present y’all with sum.....

✨sleepy bakugou hcs✨

- Q U I E T boy. ik ik ur like “bakugou? quiet? in the same sentence?”,, but here’s what im here to tell u,, it’s more likely then u think. mostly bc being snarky/angry all day has to be so exhAUSTING, so when bakugou crashes he crashes

-pls he’ll go from perfectly alert, sitting up ram-rod straight on the couch next to you, to slumping into the cushions with half-lidded eyes in all of 2.5 seconds

-like, he’ll ask u about ur day, right? and as soon s u answer he’ll lean back, close his eyes and just sit there and listen quietly to you speak,, little “mhm”’s and “you fuckin’ tell ‘em”’s are the only sign he’s listening (he is listening tho. bakugou almost never forgets anything u tell him,, even when he’s half asleep)

-oh my god and u cannot tell me this man doesn’t fight sleep. he does. every time. pls n he’s just fluttering his eyes, rubbing at them and trying to stay awake so he can hear you talk. and ur always like “you know, it’s okay, you can sleep. there’s always tomorrow.” n he’s just “no. finish the fuckin’ story. ‘m listenin’.”

-pls and one of the only fandom-wide bakugou hcs i whole-heartedly agree with is that he’s a cuddler. he is. 100% a physical guy at heart but only rlly allows himself to be behind closed doors (read: when it’s bedtime)

-so when he’s tired he’s very much a clinger. arms around your waist and hands slipping under your shirt. not even in like a 🥴 way, he’s not trying to start anything, bakugou just likes skin contact. probably likes how soft ur skin is against his calloused hands

-pls n he’s so blunt. i mean, he is all the time, but especially when he’s sleepy bc all the excess bite drains out of his voice. will 100% seriously just look at you and just flatly say “No.” when u tell him you’ve gotta get up

-ur like “hey, gotta brush my teeth first. then we can fall asleep.” n bakugou is like “No.” and ur like, “no, really. i feel gross.” n he’s just like “No.”

-100% will dig his face into your neck and just kinda doze. like, won’t fall fully asleep, but he’ll fade in and out and when he occasionally mumbles u can always feel it against ur skin

-probably feels like he somehow runs even ?hotter? when he’s tired. like, he always feels warmer than the average person, but when he’s sleepy man’s is literally radiating warmth

-probably doesn’t kiss you on the lips very much,, bc he’s wants to be fully awake for that and give you the effort you deserve,, but he will kiss your palm if u cradle his face. probably turns his head to the side rlly languidly, and still somehow blushes when he presses his lips to ur hand. (soft affection just flusters him, okay, especially on the rare occasion when he’s the one giving it instead of recieving)

-sleepy!bakugou is also probably the only bakugou who will let you fuss over him. like, every other time u even try he’ll bat your hands away and shrug u off, but when he’s tired he doesn’t fight it. he’ll let you ask your questions and fuss over his wounds and kiss his bruises without complaint

-pls don’t bring it up in the morning tho. it’ll embarrass him and it’ll be a very long time before he lets u fuss over him again

-and i mean, y’all have seen the gif, bakugou is big spoon. he is. almost every single time,,, but i also think he links ur hands together while doing so. so instead of an arm over ur waist,, he’ll sit it a little higher, just below ur ribs, so that when he pulls u in he can hold ur hand that’s tucked up by ur chest

-and on like, the off chance that he’s not big spoon,, mans is just laying directly on top of you. like, head on ur chest, one leg in between yours. only very occasionally tho

-pls he probably looks at you with such unguarded affection. usually he’ll try to hide it, but if everything is calm and quiet, late at night, bakugou will let it slip. his eyes are always half-lidded as he stares at you, tracking your moments intently, blinking slowly

-oo n tell me this man doesn’t talk in his sleep. he does. full sentences with swears. it’ll be like midnight and u feel his lips against ur bare shoulder, and when u listen he’s just “fuckin- i said stop. i’ll smoke you. Fuckin’ bitch.”

-probably dreams a lot. which means he twitches and flutters his eyelashes and jerks randomly between different stages of sleep

-oh my god and bc i can’t stop myself here’s a list of actions (that u do) that i just know would put bakugou right tf to sleep

1.) playing with his hair. more specifically tho,, gently brushing the hair back from around his ears and forehead

2.) massaging his arms. u cannot tell me this man’s arms aren’t sore,, i mean,, have u seen his quirk?? the recoil/strain is severe. so when he comes home from a tough mission, where he over-exerted himself like always, bakugou’s arms are literally a coiled mess of knots. but all u gotta do is start working at them and then he is an absolute puddle under your fingers

3.) braiding your hair in front of him. i cant explain this one i just kno he’s the type to sit there and watch u do it, and he just finds the methodical aspect of it so calming and almost hypnotic to watch

4.) giving him any sort of warm drink. no, literally, he’s a simple dude. all it takes is a warm drink and somewhere soft to lay n he’s ready to pass tf out

-oh my god and hear me out, if ur a pro-hero too,, and y’all are coming back from a mission at night??? pls he’d actually be so cute for once

-i’m talking very much him nearly falling asleep in the shower and then dragging you to bed with him. and he’s falling asleep, just on the verge of it, and he’ll just “did good today, dumbass. fuckin’ killed ‘em real good. looked hot.” and then he’s dead to the world. completely unconcious

—/—

haha here’s a shameless dump of fluff bc as much as i write about him being a little asshole,, bakugou is also a sweetie. sometimes. mostly when he keeps his mouth shut

also lmao,, i’ve been cleaning out my drafts/asks today,, can u guys tell?? ahahaha soz for what probably feels like an absolute spam of content but i simply cannot stop

[wowtobio]

what the haikyuu boys smell like (karasuno edition)

a/n: this may seem really weird but i just wanted to write something sorta funny! so bare w/ me lol this is inspired by that one tiktok thing if u guys have seen it. this is my opinion tho we can agree to disagree lmao. also thank you so much for 100 followers!! honestly starting this blog i thought i wouldn’t even get 5 likes on my first written post, i am so surprised especially considering that all my posts are lowkey written at like 4 am haha. and i am so so happy with how much love i receive, you guys are the best ♥️ 

-

Hinata

I feel like Hinata would smell more feminine, like citrus. Or something fruity yah know what I mean. Since he has a little sister, I can just imagine her spraying him with some girly fragrance when he comes home from practice claiming that “he smells gross!” awwh

Kageyama

I feel like Kageyama would only prefer to wear deodorant and he can be self conscious about his scent after working so hard. He’d pick some named “Ocean, Fresh Ocean” something like that, it’s like a light, translucent blue color. He’d probs over-apply too so it would overpower whatever his natural scent is. 

Speaking of natural scent, his would probs be like barely noticeable but it’s pleasant hehe

Tsukishima

Honestly lowkey I don’t know. I imagine him smelling like nothing tbh HAHA but at the same time he’d probably have his own distinct scent that isn’t too bad. He prefers not to wear cologne and he doesn’t have any b.o. whether he sweats or not. His smell is recognizable. Like if he walked up to you you could get a whiff and be like “ahh it’s Tsukishima” why is this lowkey so creepy omg sorry

Yamaguchi 

I LOVE YAMS

Like fresh laundry! I imagine Yamaguchi having a very nice, clean scent. Again very light yet nice. Fresh linen probs. Idk just so so cute Yamaguchi so cute, like hugging him would be the BEST. Just engulfed in his nice scent and arms he probs give really good hugs ahhhh 🥰

Nishinoya

I’m so sorry, but he’d smell like sweat and axe body spray. Noya probably showers in axe right before and after practice 

Tanaka

Same as nishinoya, but he claims he’s not like other bois

𝖔𝖑𝖉 𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖈𝖊 that’s it

Sugawara

So so so sweeeet. Suga probs smell like his name, sugar 🥺 He just naturally smells pleasing, doesn’t even have to try smh. His scent is borderline almost candy-like tbh

Very clean too, he’s probably the most hygienic out of all these rowdy teenage boys

Daichi and Asahi

I put these two under the same thing bcs they probably smell the exact same if not similar. Probably like musk, pretty manly. I can see them both sharing the same cologne/fragrance idk whyyy they just got each others backs ykyk

“Ah! I forgot deodorant” 

“I gotchu Asahi”

Ennoshita

hmm very asian HAHA FRIED RICE IDK LOL this boy probably smells like ac too, fresh cold air (GUYS IDK ITS LIKE 5 AM RN IM TIRED LMAO)

Kiyoko

Suuuper feminine, very lady-like. Almost sexy 😳 She probably naturally gives off her own strong, pretty scent. Like Suga, but female version hehe. Also like Suga doesn’t even have to try. No perfume, that would be dangerous for duh bois if she even spritz a little on. 

You would think being in a gym with a bunch of working, sweaty boys would effect this, but nope even spending hours in that musty gym Kiyoko still smells bueno haha

Yachi

She for sure smells like flowers. Daffodils, sunflowers, with a hint of lavender yah know what I’m saying. Her scent is very delicate, very cute. Yah that’s it lol

-

a/n: and that’s it! sorry guys requests are coming slow, my school just implemented online school so i’m trying to adapt to that rn, i will get to requests soon! and i may continue this w/ more characters cuz this was fun hehe. feel free to suggest some characters and/or request!

ok byebye ily all!

[stars-n-light]

i feel so gross and disgusting bc i didn’t shower last night but i don’t want to shower because i have to go through all those steps to shower and im so tired and when im done showering i will be WET and i HATE being wet but i feel so gross and disgusting bc i didn’t shower last night but i don’t want to sh

[hufflautia]

Hope you’ve had a great day today 💛

funnily enough, i literally just stopped crying. today was a bad day, I don't know 

why but my anxiety was just quite bad today and I was panicking before school started. something happened in my first class and I overthink a lot, so my mind was like, “oh my god why did they write your name last, do they hate me, am I boring, am I forgetful, people are always forgetting about me” and “my teacher doesn't like me, why didn't he respond, I'm embarrassed, why did you have to say what you said??” my English teacher does these “mindfulness” moments in which we sit in silence for a minute and reflect on the day, and I literally started crying. after the minute ended, I just stopped bc I didn't feel like crying anymore, and suddenly my brain said, “ur so fake, ur just acting, why did u stop crying all of a sudden, u just want attention u crave attention ur such a faker!!” also I keep thinking about something that happened years ago with my dad, I don't rlly wanna get into it but I think it would be good if I just say it so that its not jammed in my head. basically, I was really young, like in elementary school; my dad asked me if i wanted to sleep in his room with him, and originally, my mom was sleeping with him and i shared a room with my little brother. however, i was like hmm maybe, and then my dad said, haha ill pay u 5 dollars. at the time, i said YAY OK but now i realized that's so fucking creepy, yall know what its insinuating right?? anyways, i said ok, bc it was just a change from the usual sleep schedule and i liked spending time w my dad, so my mom went to my brothers room (it was a king-sized bed so it was ok, it wasn't a small bed that we had to share or anything like that) and i went to my parents room. basically, what happened was that we went to sleep, and in the middle of the night, (the next part makes me feel so uncomfortable and i feel queasy writing it) my dad slapped my butt really really hard to the point where i woke up and i was like ?????? and then he rubbed it softly immediately afterwards. i didnt know what happened, and i told my sister the day after, and she was confused too. recently i was thinking about it and I'm still confused and a lot more uncomfortable with what happened. here is my theory and i was very upset by it bc no one would want to think things like this- maybe my dad likes hurting women during sex and it was a reflex that night, but once he realized it was me, he tried “soothing me” or some shit by rubbing my butt (i literally hate this, i hate the fact that this happened and i don't like typing it out). no one wants to think about their parents sex life so this was just disgusting to think about. also my brother and mom keep arguing and fighting with each other, and I'm sure i have trauma from hearing my parents argue all the time so i rlly don't like it when they fight. my brother has explosive anger and he literally screams at her, which is very disrespectful; however, she screams at him too and sometimes hurts him, which scares me. I'm not worried about my own safety, I just hate violence i hate abuse, that scares me. so much stuff has happened in my life, and it results in a lot of trauma and other stuff that i don't even know about. i just know im really fucked up, im damaged and it just all felt like crashing down on me today- like everything thats happened, i was feeling anxious for no reason, i was thinking about the past, and i started crying again while watching netflix after school, so i just kept crying and i talked to myself out loud about my day and why i was feeling the way i was. that did help to some extent, and after i did that, i stopped crying, and then my brain said “why do you shut off your crying so easily, you seem fake, you seem like you wanna be sad and cry just so that you can see your pretty little tears drip down ur face like an actress, ur so fake ur so fake ur faking it ur not actually sad”, and the hardest part was that i didnt even object to it bc i didnt feel like anything was real, i felt like i didnt know who i was. i was like ok bitch whatever maybe ur right maybe i am faking it. i dont even know how to explain it, but its like being tired of that nagging and negative voice that you just submit to it, and you say ok whatever sure i am faking it, but in truth, the sadness i was feeling was real and genuine. about 10 min ago, i saw that someone tagged me in a fanfic and while i was reading it, i literally started bawling. i guess it was bc i saw in my email inbox that people had sent me asks, and i was happy bc i thought that maybe the person who sent me the fanfic idea responded back with more details. i was anxious about that before, bc i was thinking, oh god what if they just never respond, what if they just dont care about u anymore. when i saw the asks notifications, i felt a lot of relief bc i thought to myself, oh phew ok people still care about u. when i was crying while reading the fanfic, i couldn't stop crying, it felt endless. i couldn't just stop crying like i had before, and it reminded me of the time when my mom was going out to meet someone that she met on a dating app, and it was in the earlier times when she started doing this; she had gotten involved with some terrible men in the past, men who catfished her and were rlly vulgar and gross. im sure this was somewhere in June, when i had just posted chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series bc when i was freaking out about the date, i wrote about it in my journal and i know that it was somewhere in June bc i wrote something like “mom is going out to meet someone and im nervous, please please please i hope shes ok and careful, im really nervous and scared, no one likes my writing, mom is probably in danger, oh god oh gosh”. it was just a whole bunch of negative and anxious thoughts, including how i was feeling about the whole situation with chapter 1, so that's how i know it was somewhere in June. anyways, basically i was really scared for my mom bc shes had a bad history with online men and i was scared that someone was gonna kill her. i read and listen to a lot of murder mysteries, so my mind was going absolutely wild. i remember on that day, i went to take a shower after writing that entry in the journal, bc showering makes me feel better. when i stepped into the shower i started crying bc i was really scared for her and i was hoping she was safe and ok but i was just feeling so scared so i was crying and i couldn't stop crying. that was the scary part because i just kept bawling and i couldn't stop like i usually do; my brain said ok that's enough, you’ve cried enough, but my heart just kept going on and on and my brain said ok ok jessica holy jesus that's enough and eventually i sucked it up and was kinda ok afterwards but still sad and numb. that was similar to what had happened about 20 min ago. also im sure i was also sad today bc yesterday, my mom talked to me about in-person college visits, and her demeanor was very rushed and controlling. she said, “ok jessica we’re gonna do the college visits, we’re gonna drive there, and your dad is gonna come home for that. tell him that you need to do that, ok? tell him we do the college visits together.” i said that colleges are doing virtual tours, and her facial expression was very strained, she was like “DO NOT TELL HIM THAT. dont tell him that, ok?!” and she was pointing her finger at me and everything. she said, “tell him we’re going to do the physical college tours, which colleges do you wanna visit??” and she kept telling me not to tell him about the virtual tours. it reminded me of whenever she told me to say this or that to my dad over the phone, and i was upset, like oh great ok so dad’s coming home and i dont even wanna see him bc i dont like him that much, and now im gonna have to lie bc dad is probably gonna already know about the virtual tours and im gonna have to pretend that none of the colleges are doing virtual tours. in essence, today was a terrible day. while i was crying my eyes out when reading the fanfic, i wanted to tell something, i wanted to reach out to lee and jolie, but my brain said that i would burden them, im always telling them about stuff that happens (concerning my family or other stuff) and its probably getting too much for them.  my brain said that they wont be able to help anyway, im still gonna have to deal with the stuff im dealing with, and no one can help. that's a sad thought, it seems so helpless and sad. sometimes i overthink the smallest things, and when i see a text from lee and jolie that doesnt seem “right”, i think, oh gosh they hate me now, why did i have to say that?? i usually see my therapist every Thursday, aka today, but we didnt meet this time bc her schedule is becoming busy so now we’re gonna do it every other week, so next week i shall see her. perhaps she can help. 

thank you for this ask, it seemed so out of the blue bc no one rlly sends asks like this anymore. while writing this, i literally thought to myself, shes like an angel sent from heaven

[transrightsjimin]

wanted to get all this stuff done today but instead i fell asleep at like 3:30 at night and woke up at 9.30?? 10?? nd spent a while on my bts song database now it's already afternoon. i still need to take a shower nd wash my face masks nd blow dry them or smth nd do groceries nd clean my room but idk in what order to do anything. i know this sounds like a bad excuse but i rly dread showers bc the water keeps switching between hot nd cold nd i end up squeezing my skin when more of it is revealed so id still end up in sebum stench nd i sweat so much nd so fast that like an hour after a shower, esp if i also have to go outside so theres different temperatures, im drenched in sweat again. like it just feels so tiresome to shower just to stink of sweat again an hour later. nd yes i use deodorant nd have tried various deos nd antitransparants throughout my life but none of them work, maybe only cover the smell for 5 minutes. i jst feel so gross nd tired. i left too late for work again yesterday nd was done w delivering mail at like 8.45 in the evening bc i left so late nd my phone died bc i used a bad charger so i used the charger of a person in a flat who i sometimes talked to nd she didnt mind but i did bc i had just told my mom i dont want to visit anymore nd then soon after im inside the living room of p much a stranger?? like most of the time we wire our masks in her room nd i washed my hands but still. it's not as if i dont touch like every gross surface nd deliver to ppl who keep their distabce from me when working. im just rly drained from yesterday i guess nd i shouldve gone to bed earlier nd now im not looking forward to just. all these things i need to do of which most were a task i had to do earlier this week or even months ago nd still havent done. but i gotta bc ill be working on monday nd tuesday so those days ill be gross nd tired again nd have even less energy for cleaning my room or groceries