#and idk sometimes I’m like. everything is on fire but I’m fine and other times I’m like everything is on fire and I’m not fine

[lovelyisadora]

How's it going bestie

not well!!! nothing has changed for better or for worse so it’s thankfully a constant state of not well though dldjsjajajah

[mxmmyprentiss]

I Miss You, I'm Sorry

Summary: Long story short, you survived without her. Her name had become a memory pushed and tucked away in the back of your mind. You locked it and threw away the key. You had stopped yourself from waiting for answers as to why she walked out on you or why she didn’t fight for you ages ago.

Well. Until now. Genre: Angst Pairing: Emily Prentiss x female reader Warnings: homophobia, parental abuse (?) Word count: 6.9k (I got carried away)

A/N: Hi, guys! I just made a new tumblr account and I'm new to Criminal Minds and I'm still actually just about to start season 4 lol but Emily Prentiss already got a chokehold on me and here I am. English is not my first language so any grammar/spelling/other writing mistakes, I apologize. I also have not written anything in a long, long time. Comments and criticisms are welcome.

(also emily's fbi timeline here might be a little confusing so idk lol)

AO3

Relationships don’t always work out. You have known that fact since you were seven years old as a result of your parents’ divorce. You still remember your mother saying, “Baby, sometimes love doesn’t last. Maybe it’s love for now but it won’t be love forever. Two people can grow apart even when they are together all the time. And that’s what happened with me and your dad. And honey, it’s not your fault, you understand?” And you still remember nodding as if you really understood what was happening.

But just like any other child who knew how it felt to be a product of a broken family, you still felt responsible about it. You could have done more, could have done something to prevent your family from falling apart, or at least could have done anything to stitch your family back together. But as you grow older, you learned that what if’s are only as good as heroin and cocaine combined together - it’s not. It’s lethal.

So even though your parents are still alive, you still considered them as the first ones you have lost. Accepting that has helped you cope with other things you have missed throughout your life..

Pen.

Hair ties.

Bus ticket.

Money.

Your first love.

The last one, unlike the others, was not forgotten, misplaced or stolen. The last one walked out of your life before you even had the chance to tell her you would move mountains and set the world on fire if she asked you to. What once were gentle, careful hands that held your heart are the same hands that crushed it into pieces and may have been impossible to glue it back together no matter how much you tried.

It’s fine though. It was a long time ago. You learned to live with it.

At least that’s what you told your therapist when she asked during one of your sessions.

“Come on, sugarplum.” Penelope Garcia, your roommate, tugged your arm. “It’s just drinks at the bar.”

“I’m already beat, Penny. I’ve had a long shift.”

“Exactly the reason why you need to get out and have fun, doctor. We were both so busy with work and never had fun anymore.”

“We have movie marathons sometimes.”

“Please,” Penelope scoffed. “You fall asleep in the first 30 minutes of every movie.”

You sighed. You didn’t defend yourself because it’s true. Lately, everything feels heavy. And you’re always exhausted to the point of passing out at any furniture you lay your head to.

“I’m sorry, Pen.”

Penelope cups your face and forces you to look at her. She has the most gentle, caring eyes when she wants it to be. Curious and determined, most of the time. “Hey, I’m not saying those aren’t fun, okay? I’m just saying maybe we need a change of environment. Get loose. Have a few drinks and maybe meet some people and dance. That’s all.”

“I don’t know these people,” you said defeatedly.

“And you don’t know your patients either but you’re forced to interact with them anyway.” Penelope squeezed your cheeks before letting go. “They’re my friends as much as you are mine, sweet cheeks. I’ll introduce you to them and who knows. You might end up liking them too.”

There’s no winning against your roommate. So you finally agreed and Penelope pranced to her room to change.

Since tonight seemed to be about changes, you decided to put on a skin tight knee-length blue dress that complimented your curves and skin along with a light denim blazer. You matched it with black printed flats and a purse Penelope gifted you last Christmas.

You and Penelope walked hand in hand to the bar. She told you briefly about everyone’s first names but you’re not sure if you will remember them all as you haven’t seen their faces just yet. Also, Penelope talks too fast when she’s excited and your brain just cannot process it as quickly knowing how tired you are.

You both stopped at the door, scanning the place and saw a booth on the far end of the bar. Penelope waved at the people on the table and everyone happily greeted Penelope. You felt a little at ease that they were all wearing casual clothes and looked a little less scary compared to what they actually do for a living.

“Everyone, this is my roommate, Y/N,” Penelope introduced you to the team. And pointing from left to right, she said, “This is Hotch, Derek, Reid and JJ.” They all waved at you. Reid stood up and shook your hand. He insisted you can call him Spencer and babbled something about an article he read the other day that he remembered because you’re wearing a blue dress. You stared at him, fascinated albeit confused. Derek chuckles and pulls Reid next to him.

“Hey, guys, here’s our dri-”

A pause. 

A stare.

Your heart skipped a beat. Or two. Or maybe it stopped for God knows how long.

One of the glasses of beer almost fell out of the raven-haired woman’s hands. Luckily, JJ caught it, looking back and forth between the two of you.

“Emily, you are an angel.” Penelope snatched three glasses out of her friend’s hand. “Y/N, this is Emily.”

It took you a second - or ten - before you reached out your hand for a handshake and forced a smile. “Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N.” Your jaw started to hurt at how tight you’re clenching them but you can’t help it.

She’s here.

Emily took your hand and for a brief second, you felt her squeeze it harder than you would normally do for a handshake. “Emily,” was all she said and sat to Penelope’s right.

Everyone grabbed their drinks. The music at the bar grew loud and they talked even louder to understand each other. Derek and Reid debated about something work-related that you didn’t understand but Derek rolling his eyes at Reid whenever he stated facts amused you. Meanwhile, Penelope showed something to JJ and Emily on her phone and you just hope it’s not something embarrassing because you caught the glance JJ shoots at you and she giggled.

“What are you showing them, Pen?” you asked curiously.

“Nothing,” she grinned. “I’m just showing them how pretty my best friend is.”

You squint, not believing a word she just said. Your hands were quick to snatch the phone from her hand. “Penelope Garcia!” Even with the dim lighting, your blush was evident. It’s a photo of you sleeping in your kitchen, hugging a stainless pot and holding a wooden spatula. You don’t remember that happening. “When was this and why are you keeping this picture?”

Penelope laughed. “You don’t remember so I’m not going to remind you.”

You immediately deleted it off her phone. “Now it’s gone.”

She raised her eyebrows and let out a chuckle, “You forget I work in tech?”

You mumbled a curse and rolled your eyes, accepting defeat.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. It’s cute.” JJ teased and you could only force a smile in embarrassment.

Out of nowhere, Penelope gulped down her entire drink and stood. “Come on, let’s get dancing! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

Everyone followed her. Even Hotch who seems to not like the idea but Derek practically pushed him to the dance floor.

Everyone except Emily.

Her.

And you.

You two were left at the booth, sitting across from each other. Emily was gripping her glass. Hard. You believed she might break it if she didn't relax.

You averted your eyes from Emily. It’s ridiculous to not find anything to stare at other than  Emily’s hands.

Emily’s beer. 

Emily’s hair. 

Emily’s clothes.

Emily’s necklace.

Why is this place full of her?

The place was full and crowded and the music was so loud but the silence between you two? That was louder. Deafening. Unsettling. Awkward.

“It’s nice to see you again,” Emily said, finally managing to look you in the eye again.

Your breath hitched once, twice, before answering, “You too.”

And you meant it. But you didn’t want to. 

Oh, but you did.

She chugged her beer and grimaces the second she does. “I … I didn’t know you and Penelope are friends.”

“I didn’t know you and Penelope are co-workers either.” You shrugged. “How long have you been with the FBI?”

“Seven years,” she answered.

Penelope called your name from the dance floor where she was dancing with Morgan. You only gave her a thumbs up to let her know you’re fine and will be staying at the booth.

“You’re staring,” you said and Emily quickly diverted her eyes from you. She decided the floor was a better view instead. You licked your lips to keep yourself from smiling. “It’s okay, you know.”

“What?”

“I said it’s okay.”

“What’s okay?”

“If you want to pretend like we don’t know each other.” But the agonizing tug in your chest claimed otherwise. “I mean, they’re your friends and Pen is your friend as much as she’s mine. She doesn’t have to know. She just brought me here tonight so we could have fun and meet you guys.”

To your surprise, Emily moved to sit next to you. Not really next to you but just close enough to smell her perfume. 

Velvety. 

Delicious. 

Familiar.

You inhaled deeply, composed yourself, and stole Penelope’s second beer.

“How have you been, Y/N?”

The shiver that ran down your spine shouldn’t be there when Emily said your name. It shouldn’t have affected you that much. Or at all. But it did. And you despised it.

“Since you left me? Great.” You laughed quietly, staring at the glass now half empty. “Really great. I … I’m well … a resident doctor …” You take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m fine. I just …”

“You didn’t expect to see me, I get it.”

“Yeah.”

There’s the awkward silence again. If it doesn’t stop sooner, you think you might just bang your head against the table just to shift the mood.

“I tried to find you,” Emily spoke again. Her voice was low, you almost miss what she said. “I came back but you weren’t there anymore. Your mom said you already moved to LA with your dad and -”

“I don’t want to do this here, Emily. Please.” You just can’t. You might cause a scene if you keep this up. You’re still torn between crying hysterically or just downright screaming at her face.

But her face. Her stupid, fucking perfect face.

You looked away. You focused on the people dancing specifically at Penelope grinding against Reid who’s only swaying awkwardly. That’s better.

Emily scooted closer to you but not close enough to invade your personal space still. “Do you hate me?”

You wanted to be rude. Tell her what does it look like, bitch? But that’s just not you. You’re not a confrontational woman. You’re an honest woman. And to be honest, you’re feeling a lot.

Instead, you gulped a drink and stared at it for a while, leaving Emily staring at your hand, waiting for an answer that may never come.

It took a few minutes for you to gather the strength to look her in the eyes. Your eyes may have been teary, you’re not sure, but everything else looks blurry and you feel lightheaded. You’re not even drunk yet. You only had two beers, for fuck’s sake.

You missed those eyes. Emily’s kind, loving, gentle, ‘used to see right through you’ eyes.

“You left me,” was all that came out of your mouth.

Emily moved closer to your seat, dark eyes still locked on yours as if asking for permission. “I was scared. I was young, Y/N.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “And I wasn’t? Your mother literally hired a private investigator to threaten me so I would stay away from you! I was 17, Emily! 17!” You hissed. Emily tried to reach out for your hand but you got up quickly and ran to the dance floor, to your friend. 

You whispered to Penelope’s ear that you needed to leave immediately to cover an emergency shift at the hospital. She knew better than to argue with you and your work so she let you go and told you not to worry about the tab. She offered to call you an uber but you insisted on walking since the hospital is only a few blocks away.

“Y/N, wait!”

“Emily, not now!” Your strides were getting bigger and you wished you could just fly home instead and get there faster. She grabbed your arm, pulling you to the side. And although it’s already dark outside, Emily can’t miss the way your eyes glisten with tears, staining your cheeks. “Please, Emily, just please.” You didn’t know what you’re actually asking - begging - her. You weakly placed a hand to her stomach and pushed to keep a little distance between the both of you. 

Emily took your shivering hand and held it to her chest instead. Her hands were as soft as you remembered them to be. And you hated the fact that you still remember that after so many years. “Please, Y/N, let me just talk to you.”

“What’s there to talk about? We made it this far in life without each other.” You said bitterly.

“But we didn’t want to.” She sighed. “At least, not for me.”

You took a deep breath in. Emily wiped the tears with her thumbs. Then she cupped your face and you couldn’t help but to just feel her for a minute, face settling on her warm hands. You look at her, eyes pleading. “Em, please.” 

Emily shuddered at the nickname. You were - are - the only one who could make it sound so soft and loved; make it sound like home. After all this time.

“Emily?” You both looked at the sound of Penelope’s voice. You quickly retracted your hand from Emily’s. “Y/N? You’re still here?”

“I, uh, Emily here just brought me my purse because I forgot.” You lied. Emily swallowed whatever she was about to say. You turned to Emily. “Thanks. I have to go now.”

“Oh, okay.” 

You hailed a cab and got out as fast as you can, leaving Emily dumbfounded and Penelope confused as she was intrigued.

___

Emily rubbed her hands together and exhaled loudly. Penelope raised her eyebrow. “What did you do?” She asked.

“What? I didn’t do anything.”

“For an FBI agent, you’re a bad liar right now, honey.” She squinted and took a closer look at Emily’s eyes. Teary. “Were you two making out?”

Emily scoffed. “You’re drunk, Garcia.”

“And you’re hiding something, Prentiss.”

“I’m not!” Penelope continued to stare at her suspiciously, pressing the truth out of her. “Okay, I think you should talk to her first. I can’t be the one to tell you if she doesn’t want to.”

“Did you know Y/N before I brought her here? I saw that you two were surprised to see each other a while ago. There was something there. It doesn’t take a profiler to see it.”

Emily paced back and forth, biting her lip, arms crossed. She stopped herself from biting her nails, a habit she may have done when she’s anxious. Emily contemplated whether to tell Penelope everything or something or anything. “God, I think I need something stronger than the drinks in the bar.”

“I’m waiting here, pudding.”

“And I’m thinking here.” She kept her pace. Then stopped. Emily takes a deep breath. “Y/N is … well, she was … is … I think …” she rambled, hands in her pockets. Emily looked up to keep the tears pooling in her eyes from falling. “Garcia, she’s the love of my life.” She stated weakly.

Penelope gaped at Emily like a deer caught in headlights.

___

Penelope arrived home at around 2:30 in the morning. You heard the lock click and footsteps approaching your door. You quickly pulled the covers above your head and pretended to sleep soundly.

“Y/N?” It’s your roommate. She caressed your foot. “I just want to say I’m sorry for bringing you out there tonight. I … I didn’t know you and … her …” Penelope sighed sadly. “We can talk about it when you’re ready or whenever you want or not at all. It’s up to you really. I just want to say I’m sorry.” She gave a light pat to your leg. “Good night, sweetie.”

___

The next morning, you found Penelope sitting in the kitchen having coffee and talking to someone on her laptop. You didn’t interrupt her, suspecting she might be working from home.

You prepared coffee for yourself and sat on the opposite end of the table. You pretended to scroll on your phone … waiting …

“Morning, baby girl,” Penelope finally decided to break the silence.

“Morning, Pen.”

“So …” There it was. You have known her for a long time to know that nothing - not even the strongest of hangover -  is stronger than her inquisitiveness. “Want to talk about the elephant in the room?”

You took a deep breath.

“I’m not forcing you, Y/N. I’m just asking if you’re ready because if you’re not, it’s fi -”

“And let you die of curiosity?” You hid your smirk behind your mug. Penelope smiled widely. “Did she tell you about me?”

“Emily?” You roll your eyes as if to say who else? “We haven’t had the chance to talk about our personal lives before but last night, she told me two things actually.”

“Oh?”

“One, that it might be better if I get the dirt from you. And two …” Penelope pauses, grinning. Is she actually pausing for dramatic effect?

“Spit it out, Penny.”

“I’m not sure if you want to know.”

“Just say it.”

“That you were -” Your friend shook her head. “ ARE. You are the love of her life.”

Oh.

There it was again. That tug in your chest. Are you dying? Maybe. You needed to get this checked out one of these days at the hospital, you thought. You might need an ECG or probably a 2D echo.

“Is it true?” Penelope pushed. “How did you two know each other?”

You walked to the living room with your coffee and sat on the couch. Penelope follows you.

“That love of her life part, I’m not sure.” You took a sip of your coffee. Black and bitter. “We met in high school. She was my girlfriend.”

Penelope scooted closer. “What happened?”

“Well, long story short -”

“No, I want the long complete detailed version, love bug.” You rolled your eyes at her and she smacked your arm. “You’ve been holding out on me!”

“Hey! I didn’t know my ex is working with you, okay?”

“Still! Everything really does happen for a reason.” She smiled to herself.

You raised an eyebrow. “And what’s the reason for this then?”

“We’ll see,” Penelope smirked. “Now, go on with the story, girlfriend.”

“We met in high school. She was a transferee. I was, well, an introvert with no friends. She was the new girl. I’m sure you know where I’m going with this.” You see Penelope with a shit-eating grin, nodding her head. “It took a week before I could say a word to her.”

“Because you’re so gay and she’s a pretty girl?” Penelope grinned.

You glared at her. “Because I was an introvert.”

“Sure.”

“Anyway, she missed a class and asked if she wanted my notes and she said yes. We have been friends from then on.”

“Until…?”

“She was the first one to say ‘I love you’, you know?” Tears started pooling in your eyes. You immediately wiped it off with the end of your sweater before it even stained your cheeks. “We were in the locker room. Just the two of us after gym class. It was out of nowhere. We just finished showering -”

“Together?” Penelope gasped scandalously. You swatted her arm and she laughed. “I’m kidding.”

“Anyway, we just finished showering and she said she loved me. You have to understand that it was a time when you know … it’s not accepted nor tolerated to be … us.” Penelope took your hand and squeezed it. She could only sympathize, knowing how cruel and tough the world must be to not let people love who they love. “We hid it for a year, maybe two. I’m really not sure now, I think, but it was the longest time of my life. We were okay, great even. We had the most fun, enjoying each other’s company, sneaking around, going on dates. My mom met her. She liked her. Always asked about her when I get home.” You smile at the memory now but it quickly fades. “Until her mother found out about us.”

“Ambassador Prentiss? Oh, that evil -”

“Her mother sent a P.I. to threaten me so I would stay away from her daughter. I was 17 years old and scared, what else can I do?”

“Oh, honey,” Your friend pulled you into a hug. “I’m sorry the world has not been kind to you, sunshine.”

“Thanks, Penny.”

“You two broke up after that?”

You shook your head. “I was about to ask Emily what we should do. I was ready to run away, to hide, to go anywhere with her. I messaged her to meet me at the gym locker room after class the next day but she never showed up at the school at all.” Penelope noticed your trembling hands and gently caressed them. “I found out from the faculty that she moved overseas.”

“Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it’s hard for you, honey bun.”

“I just didn’t expect to see her last night … or ever. I stopped myself from looking for her again. Turns out, life has funny comebacks.” You chuckled bitterly. Penelope enveloped you in a tight hug until her phone rings. You giggle, “Work is calling you, badass computer nerd.”

___

When Penelope reached the BAU, Emily was the first one to spot her. She ran towards her, following Penelope to her office.

“Fabulous morning, person who hurt my roommate.” Penelope greeted without looking at Emily to which she replied with an eye roll. “Y/N told me everything.”

“Y/N told you everything about what?” Suddenly the two women stopped on their tracks and turned around. It’s JJ with take-out coffees in one hand and files on the other. “Come on, ladies. Share it with the team.”

“No!” They simultaneously yelled.

“Okay, chill.” JJ handed them each their coffees. “Share it with me. I’ll find out about it anyway.”

Penelope dragged the two women into her lair. Once locked inside, Penelope announced, “Y/N is your ex!”

“Garcia!” Emily hushed her.

JJ’s eyes were wide and almost spitted out her coffee. “I knew there was something!”

“What?” Emily looked genuinely confused.

“Emily, we’re profilers. We see everything.” JJ reminded her. “You were so awkward with her last night. I assume you guys haven’t seen each other in a while.”

“15 years.”

“And it’s still that awkward?” JJ scoffed unbelievably. “Must have been a bad break up.”

“Technically, they didn’t break up but Agent Prentiss here left my friend without saying goodbye.” Penelope squinted her eyes at Emily, arms folded and eyebrows raised.

Emily’s face was almost as red as her blouse now. “I didn’t … I didn’t want to.”

“Then why did you?”

“It’s com-”

A knock interrupted the ladies’ gossip session. “Ladies, Hotch wants us in the briefing room ASAP.” Morgan told them.

“Be right there!” JJ replied. “We’ll continue this later. Over drinks. Just the three of us. Ladies’ night.”

Emily saw no way out of this so she just nodded.

___

It was a terribly bad day at work. The ER was filled with too many people. Patients kept on coming without showing signs of slowing down. Every bed was occupied - some were already in the hallway in wheelchairs - and everyone had something to do. You have not had breakfast or lunch yet. Your cup of coffee left cold at the doctor’s quarters which you’re sure someone threw out already.

Sometimes you wonder why you chose this career instead of just pursuing your love for multimedia arts.

“Doc,” a senior nurse called you. “I have your patient’s labs and ECG right here.” She hands you the chart. “X-ray results are to follow. Let me know if you’ll be requesting more. Bed 5.”

“Okay.” You walked towards the bed, reviewing your patient's chart. Name … age …

Name?

Now the world was playing a prank on you.

“Emily Prentiss?” You call your patient’s name as soon as you draw the curtains. Emily looked up to you, lying on the bed, beaming too much for someone who’s injured. There’s a small stain of blood on her tank top. You felt something stuck in your throat as worry fills your thoughts yet you retain your poker face.

“Y/N?”

“Dr. Y/F/N, resident. I’m,” you cleared your throat. You put down the chart on the bedside table. “I’m here to examine you. Can you tell me what happened?”

Emily adjusted herself on the bed with a grimace. “I got shot. Almost. I was wearing a vest but I think it left a graze.” Emily lifted her top to show you. You don your gloves and inspect the wound closely, pressing softly at the area. You suspect she might have taken more than one close hit from the way the graze looked. Your eyes panned to her eyes staring at your hands.

“Did you get hit elsewhere, Agent?”

“No,” Emily shook her head. But your eyes found fresh bruises on both of her arms. “It’s fine, doesn’t hurt.”

“You’re always a tough cookie, agent?”

“I have to be.”

“Of course.” You assessed the rest of her body, especially her head for any bumps or cuts. Apart from the bullet graze on her chest and the bruises on her arms, you didn’t find anything else worthy of concern or emergency so far. “Do you feel anything else? Any pain?”

Emily had many answers to that but she bit her tongue. It’s not the time and place. She shook her head instead.

“Okay, I’ll get someone to clean and dress your wound. I’ll order an intravenous painkiller. It will take care of the first six hours, at least, but I’ll also prescribe you some oral painkillers and have your home care instructions ready. Do you have someone I can talk to?”

“I, uh, I think JJ is around somewhere. Or Reid.”

“Any relatives?”

“They’re all I have.” There was a small pause. “We take care of each other.”

“Yeah, of course. Part of the job.” You wrote your initial reports on her chart before leaving. “So, uh … I’ll call the nurse.” You turned around but Emily grabbed the end of your coat. “Anything else, Agent Prentiss?”

“Can you, if it’s not too much to ask, can you do the IV thing? I just …”

“You hate needles.” I know.

She nodded. “Please?”

Fuck. How can you say no when she’s looking at you with those eyes? Dark, pleading and consuming.

You can lie and tell her you have other patients to attend to but so far, no nurse had called you yet. You hear another resident had come in, too.

Emily’s eyes and hand were still on you.

“Okay,” you finally said. “I’ll be right back.”

Just your dumb, stupid luck.

___

Your shift ended at around 10pm but it’s almost midnight when you got out of the hospital. You already changed your top into a purple t-shirt. You carried your bags, coat hanging on your arm, as you walked to your car. You couldn’t wait to go home and wash off the busy day you had.

You stopped by to take out Chinese food for you and Penelope and a little extra to reheat tomorrow for breakfast.

You heard the TV as you approached the door. Penelope must still be awake and watching a show. You opened the door with your keys and to your surprise, one of your patients today was sitting on your couch. Your eyes met briefly.

“Hey, sweetie pie!” Penelope cornered you and grabbed hold of the take-outs. “Let me talk to you for a minute.” Penelope excused herself and you, dragging you to the kitchen. “I’m sorry Emily’s here but somebody’s got to take care of her and she lives alone. I figured since you’re here and you’re a doctor, this will be the safest choice. If that’s alright with you, of course.”

“Do I really have a choice?”

“No.” Your roommate grinned widely.

You let out an exasperated sigh. “Then it’s fine. I’m going to my room. I had a long day.”

“But aren’t you going to eat? You can watch TV with us.”

“I lost my appetite.” You mumbled. You walked to your room and Emily caught you on the way. She stopped in front of you. “What?”

“I’m sorry for staying. The team insisted and -”

“It’s fine, Agent Prentiss.”

Emily frowned. “You don’t have to be so formal.”

“I’m sorry but I’m really tired. I just want to go to bed.”

“Okay, sorry,” She stepped to the side and you walked past her. “Y/N?” You looked back at her. “Thank you for today.”

You flashed her a small smile.

___

You woke up the next morning to a loud scream. You quickly got up and ran to the living room. Your hair still disheveled and pajama pants hanging a little low.

“Is there a fire?” You asked, confused and half awake.

“Sorry for waking you, sunshine. But I cannot do this.” Penelope handed you a gauze, medical tape and scissors. “Help us, oh sweet lord of ER.”

You yawned then sat next to Emily. You disinfected your hands with alcohol and proceeded to clean her wound with povidone-iodine. She winces a little. “Hurts?”

“A little.”

“Well, it’s supposed to.”

“Wow, aren’t you grumpy in the morning.” Emily teased, earning a glare from you and a slightly painful poke. “Ow! Hey, be gentle please. I’m already hurt.” She pouted.

“You have a dangerous job. Couldn’t you be more careful?” You retorted, annoyed.

“Well, I’m sorry the UnSub has a gun and tried to kill me.”

You ignored her mumbling. “Do you have the day off?”

“Hotch gave me the week off.” Emily answered, clearly disappointed. “I can’t believe my doctor suggested a week's rest. It’s not even that bad, right?”

You bit the inside of your cheeks. “And you know better than your doctor?”

Emily smiled. “I guess not.”

You finished cleaning up her wound and changing the dressing. You picked up an ice pack from the fridge and handed it to her. “Ice your bruises. No more than 15 minutes at a time.”

“Yes, doc.”

“Don’t call me doc.”

“You’re a doctor.”

“We’re not in the hospital.”

Emily leaned forward, a little too close to your face. “What should I call you then?”

Up close, you noticed her lower lip has a small cut while her upper lip … well, there’s nothing wrong with it.

You tried not to focus too much on her lips. Tried is the keyword. 

Then, you suddenly felt like your ghost floated above you and gave the back of your head a cold hard slap. Your eyes quickly darted up to her own brown orbs, intently staring back at you. 

“I’d rather you not call me anything at all.” You said firmly and got up. Emily watched you march back to your room.  A small smirk formed on Emily’s face.

You lied on your bed. Heart pounding, head somewhat dizzy, cheeks flushed.

Fuck Emily Prentiss and her stupid, stupid, tempting lips.

___

The three of you ended up watching your second classic film one afternoon with Penelope sitting between you and Emily. You didn’t like the movie that much honestly. You walked to the kitchen to make yourself your favorite drink - soda with vanilla ice cream.

“You still like that huh?” Emily sneaked up behind you. “It’s diabetes in a glass.”

“Guilty.” You took a sip. “It’s my comfort drink.”

“It sure is.”

“What do you need? Ice?”

“You, actually.”

“Why? Something hurts?”

“Nothing you can heal.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m serious.”

“So am I, Y/N.” Emily stepped closer to you. “I was wondering if we can finally have a talk.”

“We’re watching a movie.”

“Penelope’s just fine.” You both glanced at Penelope who turned her head back to the TV at breakneck speed.

“She put you up to this huh?” You took a seat and you gestured to Emily to do the same. There’s no use avoiding ‘the talk’ anyway as it looks like Emily might live here for the whole week whether you liked it or not. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Us.”

“Us?”

Emily ran her hands through her hair, not knowing where to start. “I didn’t want to leave.”

Fifteen years.

It’s been fifteen years since you last saw Emily. Both of you were still kids - young, innocent, carefree, hopeful. The day Emily left your life, you were a wreck. You did good at school, acing exams after exams, and eventually got to medical school on partial scholarship. Outside, you tried to be the perfect little golden daughter your parents and teachers expected you to be. Inside? You were empty. You felt as if you’re a shallow case of a person.

The first five years since Emily left, you graduated from high school. You got multiple part time jobs before applying to universities. In between those busy times, you tried to find her - called her up on her phone every single day for three years, wrote letters to her last known address every month for two years. Once, you even tried to sneak into their house but the security guard spotted you and almost caught you. You almost had a bald spot from the security grabbing your hair.

By the sixth year since Emily had gone, you stopped. You realized it’s not healthy anymore. You were holding on to a ghost. So you learned to live the next years of your life without her. After finishing your degree in biochemistry, you moved to LA with your father. You got yourself into UCLA and pursued medicine.

The med school journey wasn’t a smooth ride at all. Yes, you didn’t fail one subject during med school but the harder part came later - the actual practice. You struggled with a lot of things but mostly socializing with different people - strangers - whose life depended on you and your capabilities.

It was only five years ago that you finally started to feel somewhat confident with yourself. Not perfect but you weren’t getting yelled at as much by the attendings anymore. A senior resident even complimented your improvement which meant a lot to you.

Long story short, you survived without her.

Her name had become a memory pushed and tucked away in the back of your mind. You locked it and threw away the key. You had stopped yourself from waiting for answers as to why she walked out on you or why she didn’t fight for you ages ago.

Well.

Until now.

“Y/N,” Emily placed her hand on top of yours and you were quick to retract it. It was a reflex at this point. “Sorry.” She kept her hands under the table. “I know apologizing won’t erase anything that happened to us but I’m really sorry, love.”

“Don’t call me that.” You clenched your jaw. “Just tell me why.”

“She, my mother … she took me to the Middle East when she found out about us. I should have known, I should have seen, that we were being followed by her men every time we went out. She tossed the photos - our photos - to my face. She called me disgusting and immoral and a fucking disappointment all because I loved you.” The last part came out as a mumble but you caught it.

Your eyebrows relaxed, eyes softened. The waterworks in your eyes were threatening to fall again. Damn it.

How would a 17-year-old expect this from her own mother? How was she supposed to know?

“She had all your information and your family’s and I was so afraid that she would come for you.” Emily continued, now looking down at her hands, trembling in fear and probably embarrassment of being vulnerable and open. “I knew she would come for you. She told me so. I will set that girl straight if that’s what it takes, that’s what she said. And you have no idea how that sentence scarred me until now.” Emily takes a deep shuddering breath. “The thought of you being hurt because of me … us … I couldn’t bear that, Y/N. I had to protect you so I made her swear to leave you alone and in exchange I will follow whatever she wanted me to do, whatever she wanted me to be.” Emily glanced back up to you, eyes defenseless and face flushed. “I just want you alive and safe.”

“Emily …”

“You don’t have to forgive me now or ever if you don’t want to. Or if you can’t. That’s okay. I can live with that … I think.” Your ex-girlfriend sat up straight, faked a smile. “But I want you to know that when I got to the Bureau, I did look for you.”

Your eyes met. And from what Penelope was seeing from the living room, everything was evident: the longing, the pain, the memories.

“I found out you got into med school in LA. I was so happy for you, you know that. I knew you would make it. I remember you wanted to be a surgeon at first but then you said you liked kids so maybe pedia -”

“Why didn’t you call?”

“I couldn’t … I wanted to, Y/N. I have wanted so badly for years. But when I remember about what I put you through, what my mother put you -”

“Us,” you corrected. “What your mother put us through.”

Emily nodded. “I just couldn’t ruin your life like that again.”

“Do you still talk to her? Your mother.”

“Not anymore. We haven’t been in contact since the last case she brought to the FBI.”

“Do you miss her?”

“Can’t miss someone you don’t know.”

You gave her a sad smile. “You’re strong, Emily.”

“Sometimes I think it’s a curse.”

“It will take some time,” you mumbled. Emily stared at you, waiting for what you meant. “Forgiving you, I mean.”

“I know. You don’t have to.”

“But I understand, Emily. I understand now.”

You shared a friendly smile. You leaned forward to wipe the tear from Emily’s cheek.

Emily held your wrist, feeling your hand on her cheek. You two stayed like that for a few seconds. You were the first one to let go but before going, you left a tender kiss on her forehead to which Emily closed her eyes, feeling your lips against her skin for the first time in a long time.

The moment was almost ruined when you and Emily heard a shriek from the living room and saw Penelope stuffing her mouth with ice cream. Clearly, she saw everything.

You and Emily chuckled.

“Em,” you softly whispered. “I’m sorry too.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Sorry the world wasn’t kind. To you. To us.”

Emily frowned. “It’s not your fault.”

None of this was your fault or Emily’s as it turns out. Now that everything was out in the open, a blossoming hope grew in your heart as you looked at Emily. All the sadness, anger and pain you felt the first time you laid eyes on her at the bar, you felt that diffusing quickly.

Maybe it’s not such a bad idea. 

To just kiss her. Just once. Again.

Or hug her.

You don’t know. All you know is that you missed her. And although she looked much older than you remembered her to be - so are you - you still remembered looking at her eyes all those years ago. At the locker room. During classes. At the carnival. At the mall. In your childhood room. The street two blocks away from her house.

Emily stood up, eye level with yours, as if she read your mind. She leaned forward. Your lips now close to hers that you can feel her take a breath. She waited for you to pull away or to ran to your room but you didn’t. The next thing you know was Emily closing the gap between both of your lips.

The kiss was soft. Like the first time when you were two young girls at the locker room the first time she told you that she loves you. Yet, it was also intoxicating, exciting. You felt a jolt of electricity running through your whole body.

The kiss was also quick. It was done before you know it.

Emily flashed a smile. “I’d like to do that again.”

“Me too,” You mentally kicked yourself at how quick you responded to that.

“Let me take you out on a date sometime.”

How can you say no to her?

The answer is you don’t.

“I’d like that, Em.”

“Friday? 10pm? I’ll pick you up?”

“It’s like you know my work schedule.”

“Lucky guess,” Emily smirked. “Let’s go before Penelope dies of excitement. She’s literally red and might combust.”

“Don’t worry, I’m here if she codes.” You share a laugh.

You couldn’t wait for Friday to come.

[literaryavenger]

Captain America: The Winter Soldier - 2

Summary: You meet Sam and get a closer look at your enemy. Maybe a little too close...

Pairing: platonic!Steve Rogers x F!Reader, platonic!Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader, platonic!Sam Wilson x F!Reader

Warnings: Language. Rumlow being a dick. Mentions of death. Mentions of fighting and fire arms. The Winter Soldier, he's a warning. My poor attempts at being funny. Idk, everything else in the movie?

Word Count: 3.1K

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

By the time you arrive at your destination it’s morning and Natasha’s awake, a little worse for wear but she assures you she’s fine. You help her as you walk up to the door and Steve knocks on it.

“Hey, man.” the man Steve informed you is named Sam answers the door.

“I'm sorry about this,” Steve says “we need a place to lay low.”

“Everyone we know is trying to kill us.” Natasha adds.

“Not everyone.” he says after looking at all three of you for a few seconds, then he lets you in and closes the door after taking a quick look outside.

You stay in the kitchen with Sam as Natasha and Steve clean up. “So, how do you know Captain Spangles?”

You ask him as he cooks, making him laugh. “I met him a couple of days ago on a run. What about you?”

“We work together.” you meet his eye and he raises an eyebrow at you, willing you to go on. “I guess you might as well know, after all you are harboring two fugitives.”

“Fugitives? Who is Captain America running from?” he turns around, giving you his full attention.

“SHIELD. Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.” That's obviously not enough information for him, so you keep going.

“it’s an espionage and security organization that defends Earth and its people from groups that pose advanced technological, and sometimes supernatural or extraterrestrial, threats. I’m an Agent of Shield, currently working for the STRIKE team which happen to be the very same bad people that are looking for Tasha and Steve.” you end bitterly, looking away from Sam and shaking your head, disappointed in yourself.

“Well, you don’t look like a very bad person, why are you working with them?” Sam surprises you with this question, clearly he’s a very good judge of character.

“I was assigned when I became a pawn to an asshole’s psychotic plan to rule the world.” you deadpan.

“Don’t worry, it happens to all of us one time or the other” he says with a smirk, making you laugh.

He then goes to inform Steve and Nat that breakfast is ready. When he comes back you give him an amused look, raising your eyebrow in question. “If you guys eat that sort of thing?”

“I don’t know what supersoldiers and spies eat.” he shrugs and laughs with you.

“You two are getting along great.” Nat wiggles her eyebrows at you as she takes a seat at the table.

“Down, girl.” you tell her with a fake glare, which she merely smirks at. “So, Captain. Care to fill us mortals in about what you found at the camp?”

“Hydra.” he simply says, sitting down “We found Hydra.”

“Hydra? So you’re telling me that Pierce, STRIKE and who knows how many other Shield agents that we’ve been working along with for decades are Hydra?!” you try to wrap your head around it, but how can you? You knew they were bad dudes, you just didn’t think they were this bad.

“Yeah…” Natasha says, clear from her face that she’s feeling as betrayed as you do.

“Do you know anything about who killed Fury?” you ask quietly, eyes fixated on your plate. “Did Pierce have anything to do with it?”

“It was the Winter Soldier.” Natasha says, and your eyes snap to hers. 

You weren’t there on her mission in Odessa, but you and Clint were both there for her afterwards and she told you all about it. You tried to stop her from going after him, resisting the urge to say ‘I told you so’ when her search concluded in nothing.

“The Winter Soldier?” Sam echoes. “Who’s that?”

“A Hydra supersoldier.” Steve answers.

“There’s more of you?” Sam asks, a little surprised.

“How do you know he’s a supersoldier?” You ask at the same time, just as surprised. “What does he look like?”

“He’s strong. Too strong.” Steve says, “tall, dark long hair, metal arm-”

"Wait," Sam interrupts, looking as dumbfounded as you're feeling at that last detail, "He has a METAL ARM?!" 

"That's really not the important part here." Steve says, like it was a normal thing to be discussing. 

"Easy for you to say, supersoldier serum." you interject quickly, "A hit with that and we're worse than useless" you say while pointing to yourself and Sam.

Nat is snickering and looking at Sam, probably waiting for him to disagree, but apparently he has as much self-awareness as you do.

"No, she's right." he says "I might be a badass, but I'm certainly not metalproof."

“Exactly.” you nod.

“Ok, we can worry about that later.” Steve dismisses you with an eye roll. You and Sam share a concerned look, but let it go.

“So, the question is: who in SHIELD could launch a domestic missile strike?” Nat asks.

“Pierce.” Steve promptly answers.

“Who happens to be sitting on top of the most secure building in the world.” you interject.

“But he's not working alone,” Steve says “Zola's algorithm was on the Lemurian Star.”

“So was Jasper Sitwell.” Natasha ends. There’s a moment of silence before Steve asks the next obvious question.

“So, the real question is: how do the two most wanted people in Washington kidnap a Shield officer in broad daylight?”

“The answer is: you don’t.” Sam says, dropping some files on the table and looking at you, you narrow your eyes on him in suspicion when you meet his gaze while Steve picks up the files.

“What is this?” he asks.

“Call it a resume.” he says cryptically as you move behind Steve to look at the files.

“Is this Bakhmala? The Khalid Khandil mission, that was you?” you ask and he nods as Natasha looks at Steve.

“You didn’t say he was a pararescue.” she says, looking at the photo he was holding.

“Is this Riley?” Steve asks Sam.

“Yeah.” Sam confirms.

“I heard they couldn't bring in the choppers because of the RPGs. What did you use, a stealth chute?” Natasha asks him now.

“No,” he says, handing Steve another file “these.”

“I thought you said you were a pilot.” Steve says, a little shocked.

“I never said pilot.” Sam smirks.

“I can't ask you to do this, Sam.” Steve reasons “You got out for a good reason.”

“Dude, Captain America needs my help.” he says, obviously feeling very proud “There's no better reason to get back in.” you snort at his patriotism and he’s smirking again.

“Where can we get our hand on one of these?” you question him.

“The last one is at Fort Meade, behind three guarded gates and a twelve-inch steel wall.” he promptly says and you narrow your eyes at him in suspicion again even if you can't help but grin. Why does he even know that?

Steve looks at Natasha who shrugs and then at you and you nod, so he turns back to Sam. “Shouldn’t be a problem.”

-

You end up getting paired with Sam so you find yourself sitting with him at a cafe near the stairs Sitwell should be coming down any minute now.

“There he is.” you discreetly tell Sam as you see him walking with Senator Stern and a few bodyguards. You watch them talk and then the senator starts walking away.

“Call him now” you tell Sam. Sitwell says something to his guards and when they walk away he answers the phone.

“Agent Sitwell, how was lunch?” Sam says casually “I hear the crab cakes here are delicious.” you giggle and Sam grins at you. 

You can’t hear the other side of the conversation, but can guess what Sitwell asks when Sam says “The good looking guy in the sunglasses with the pretty girl, your ten o'clock” you roll your eyes at Sam and you see Sitwell turn the wrong way.

“Your other ten o’clock. There you go.” he says when he spots you two. Sam raises his glass at him while you simply wave at Sitwell.

You can see his lips moving while talks and then Sam says, “You're gonna go around the corner, to your right. There's a grey car, two spaces down. The three of us are gonna take a ride.”

He says something else and Sam answers with “Because that tie looks really expensive, and I'd hate to mess it up.” you smirk as you see him look down at the red spot on his tie and then look around him, clearly panicking.

“Consider him convinced.” you tell Sam as you both make your way to the car and he laughs.

Once you enter the vehicle, Sitwell in the back seat, his eyes almost pop out of his skull when he finally recognizes you.

“Agent YLN?!” he all but yells.

“Sir.” you say sarcastically, saluting him.

-

You get to the building Steve and Nat are in and escort Sitwell to the top of the stairs while Sam suits up.

“All yours, Captain.” you tell him, shoving Sitwell towards him. 

Steve pushes him aggressively through the door to the roof. “Tell me about Zola’s algorithm.”

“Never heard of it.”

“What were you doing on the Lemurian Star?” Steve tries.

“I was throwing up, I get seasick.” you try to hide a smirk, you have to give it to him, dude is funny.

Steve keeps pushing him until he’s on the edge of the roof, but Sitwell simply smiles. “Is this little display meant to insinuate that you're gonna throw me off the roof? Because it's really not your style, Rogers.”

“You’re right. It’s not.” Steve says calmly as he straightens the agent’s suit, then nods toward Natasha. “It’s hers.”

He stands aside and Nat simply kicks Sitwell and he goes down screaming.

“Oh wait, what about that girl from accounting, Laura…?” Natasha trails off, and you think of who she could be talking about.

“Lilian” Steve corrects her “Lip piercing, right?” she nods.

“Oh yeah” you say when you place her “She’s cute” you add, looking at Steve.

“Yeah, I’m not ready for that.” He simply says and you roll your eyes and share a look with Natasha.

You suddenly see Sam flying up towards the roof with his Falcon jet-pack, holding Sitwell and then throwing him on the roof. “That’s cool” you say quietly as you get closer to Sitwell.

He holds his hands up in fear, then starts talking. “Zola's algorithm is a program...for choosing Insight's targets!”

“What targets?” Steve says.

“You!” He yells “A TV anchor in Cairo, the Undersecretary of Defense, a high school valedictorian in Iowa city. Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange, anyone who's a threat to HYDRA! Now, or in the future.”

“The Future?” you’re all thinking the same thing “How could it know?” Sitwell simply laughs.

“How could it not? The 21st century is a digital book. Zola taught HYDRA how to read it.” You all look at him while frowning in confusion “Your bank records, medical histories, voting patterns, e-mails, phone calls, your damn SAT scores. Zola's algorithm evaluates people's past to predict their future.”

“And what then?” Steve says, worry all over his face.

“Oh, my God.” Sitwell says, more to himself while looking at the ground “Pierce is gonna kill me.”

“What then?!” you all but yell, your patience running out fast.

“Then the Insight Helicarriers scratch people off the list.” He looks back up at Steve before finishing. “A few million at a time.”

You all look at each other, the same worry written on all your faces. This is definitely not good.

-

You’re all in Sam’s car directed towards the Triskelion while Sitwell’s still freaking out. “HYDRA doesn’t like leaks.”

“Then why don't you try sticking a cork in it.” Sam answers from the driver's seat and you snort in amusement, before trying for the millionth time to get more comfortable.

“Why do I have to sit in the middle?” you almost whine, meeting Steve’s eyes in the rearview mirror and pouting like a child while he glares at your antics.

“Insight's launching in sixteen hours,” Natasha says, leaning into you to look at Steve, completely ignoring your little temper tantrum. “we're cutting it a little bit close here.”

“I know.” Steve says “We'll use him to bypass the DNA scans and access the Helicarriers directly.”

“What?! Are you crazy?” If you thought he was freaking out before. “That is a terrible, terrible idea-”

He gets interrupted by a thud in the roof then a hand breaks through the window on Sitwell’s side and throws him into the next lane where he gets hit by a truck, instantly killing him. 

You have no time to process anything as the person on the roof starts shooting, narrowly missing you and Natasha as you both move to the front of the car, Nat on Steve’s lap and you on Sam’s. 

Steve pulls the brake handle, and the person gets thrown down onto the street.

“That’s a cool move” you say while you see the Winter Soldier slide to a stop with his metal hand and then get up.

“Seriously?” Sam glares at you.

“I’m just saying-” you cut yourself off when you turn to face Sam, seeing an armored truck coming towards you. 

A second later the vehicle that you’re now sure is being used by the STRIKE team smashes into the back of Sam’s car and pushes it, you can feel Sam holding tight onto your waist at the impact and you can see Natasha dropping her gun. 

The Winter Soldier jumps back onto the car and you all look up, Sam pushes the brakes, but a metal hand smashes through the windshield and you let out a high pitch scream as you hold onto Sam tighter, burying your face in his neck to protect your face from the glass as the steering wheel gets pulled out of the car.

You can hear Sam scream “Shit!” then Natasha finally gets a hold of her gun and starts shooting at the roof but the Winter Soldier jumps onto the vehicle behind you that taps the back of your car sending it towards the divider on the road. 

Steve holds on to the car door and yells “Hang On!”

Natasha holds onto him and he grabs Sam while you hold onto Sam as if your life depended on it, which it kind of does, his hold on you just as tight. 

Somehow Steve breaks open the door and you all slide through the street as Sam’s car flies through the air, the truck with the Winter Soldier on top of it going a bit further before stopping.

You and Sam slip from the door and roll on the street while Natasha and Steve stay on it and slip closer to the bad guys.

Before you can comprehend what’s happening you get pulled behind a car by Sam, bullets flying towards you. 

You barely register Natasha hiding behind the car next to you before Sam’s pulling you further away to hide behind another car. Once they stop shooting at you and Sam, you take a minute to catch your breath.

“Thank you” you tell him and he turns your way.

“Anytime” he says, then he chances a look towards the armed guys before turning back to you. “Ready?”

You nod, and as you both discreetly make your way closer to them you silently hand a tactical knife to Sam and then take one out for yourself.

As you get closer you hear the Winter Soldier order the others in Russian to find Steve while he takes care of Nat, then he easily jumps off the bridge onto a car. 

Damn. He may be lethal but it’s impressive what he can do.

The others use ice axes with ropes to rappel down and then start shooting the bus that Steve fell into. 

As the last two agents are about to jump down, you and Sam sneak up behind them. You stab one of them while Sam cuts the gun strap of the other and then kicks him down the bridge. 

You look towards Sam a little shocked but he merely nods and then the both of you bring your attention back to the street below and proceed to help take out the guys shooting at Steve.

“Go, we got this!” Sam yells down when Steve looks up and sees you shooting the guys that are now focused on both of you and not the Captain. So he takes the opportunity to run after the Winter Soldier.

Just as you finish shooting the last guy, you see an explosion coming from the direction Steve just ran to and you share a worried glance with Sam.

“Let’s go.” he says and you don’t need to be told twice.

You follow him to his car where he manages to open the trunk and get his wings then he puts them on before turning back to you and putting his hands on your waist. “You better hold on”

You barely have time to put your arms around his neck and he’s taking flight “I don’t like this!” you yell in his ear and can hear him chuckling.

You get closer to them just in time to see a now maskless Winter Soldier aim his gun at Steve, the idiot frozen for some reason. 

“Let go!” you tell Sam and he does, basically throw your on the supersoldier assassin. Not the best plan, but you get him away from Steve.

When you get up and see the face of the Soldier, your eyes widen in shock as you recognize the soldier from the numerous black and white photos you've seen of the Howling Commandos.

“Sergeant Barnes?” you say, but his face has no recognition of the name.

He stops for merely a second to glance at Steve behind you before bringing his gun up again, but before he can shoot there’s a sound behind you. You duck instinctively and then a car near the sergeant blows up.

You look behind you and see Natasha with Barnes’ gun leaning on a car, Steve’s face as shocked as you feel. When you turn back around where the soldier was, he’s already gone.

The four of you get surrounded pretty quickly, Rumlow’s stupid face coming into view as he screams at Steve to drop the shield and get on his knees, kicking Steve’s leg and then yours as you’re next to him now.

“You made the wrong choice, Agent.” he tells you and you roll your eyes.

“Shut the fuck up, Rumlow.” He presses his gun against your head and almost growls, annoyed that even with a big ass gun pointed at you you’re not even a little bit afraid of him. 

His attention gets taken off of you when he looks up to a news helicopter and then the idiot holding Steve Rogers at gunpoint and says, “Put the gun down. Not here. Not here!” 

Rollins finally puts his gun down and then they take you, Steve, Sam and a bleeding Natasha into custody.

[giogio1998]

Fun facts about my art process:

Today I was making new JLI art and it got me thinking that I have the same ritual when it comes to drawing the JLI and some of them are very silly and fun so I wanted to share with you guys. Even if you don’t care, reading is important so just read the freaking post lol.

1- I hate drawing men !!! Seriously, drawing Martian and Batman is easy for me bc they have very easy features to draw like Batman’s mask and Martian’s nose. But every time I have to draw Ted, Booser and Guy it’s a struggle.

2- drawing Ted is the hardest, I think it’s bc I shipp Ted and Bea so I always try to draw Ted cuter than the other boys and that pressure makes it harder for me but drawing Ted is the bane of my existence.

3- idk why but Guy always ends up looking super hot. I swear it’s unintentional, but the man always looks so hot, sometimes I look at my drawings and I’m like “wtf Giovana why did u make him look so hot ? “

4- I like making Tora skin pinkish, mostly bc she has white hair so white hair and light skin would look very washed out but I like to think that her skin is like “ice burnt” (?). Idk if that’s a word, I’m Brazilian I’ve never felt cold in my life. All I know is sun burnt lol.

5- the opposite goes to Bea, I like to make her skin light bc, well she is in fact white Brazilian, but I like to make her hair color pop, that’s also why I give her black lipstick and eyebrows, it’s all about the hair.

6- Bea’s hair !!!! I always try to give her the best hair. I make it very voluminous, very wavy and very bright almost as if it’s on fire. I love her hair, also I’m trying to redeem her hair bc of the awful 80’s hair style that DC insists on giving her.

7- I listen to Hannah Montana while making my JLI arts … actually I love all the early 00s Disney channel music and I also listen to podcasts but I prefer listening to music while drawing.

8- if I don’t find a reference the drawing is not happening. Every artist struggles at something and my struggle is anatomy I can’t come up with poses, especially group poses so I’m always looking for references. Once I have my reference everything is fine but if I can’t visualize it I can’t draw it.

9- I love drawing booster’s suit, it’s just so shiny and easy to draw, Guy’s vest and Ted’s suit have too much detail so booster’s suit is just fun to draw.

10- I hate drawing booster’s hair tho I always think it looks stupid idk why I hate drawing short hair.

11- I love drawing skeets. I wish I would draw him more often tho. My reference for skeets is the justice league unlimited version.

12- speaking of references, when I draw Batman I almost always make his cape cover him completely bc I think he moves around like Dracula from hotel Transylvania LOL. Idk why but I treat him like the most unserious character ever.

13- I draw using photoshop, this isn’t a fun fact, that’s actually sad.

14- My laptop is an old Lenovo from 2017 and it crashes constantly. Usually I start and finish a drawing on the same day but sometimes my laptop decides otherwise.

15- my signature is my initials but one time someone commented that it’s looks like a “cursive B” and since then when I can’t get my signature just right I draw a cursive B instead and it works lol.

16- I always give Ted dimples, mainly bc dimples make him look even cuter but also bc I struggle with drawing men so I try to give them different characteristics to make them look unique.

17- I give every JLI member its own layer file while drawing and I always make it color coordinated. So Bea’s file is green, Ted’s is blue, Booster’s is yellow, etc.

18- I name all my layers and to keep my sanity I name them all with silly names like “bea’s million dollar hair”. “Boosters shiny ass suit”. “Tora’s blush she bought from MAC”.

19- I came up with Bea’s suit bc I always hated that she had normal looking clothes instead of a suit like everyone else so I came up with a new one and it was inspired by a pair of boots I saw on instagram once.

20- the JLI is my favorite thing to draw <3

That’s all I can come up with right now, hope this post encourages people to keep drawing bc most digital artists like to appear as if being good at drawing is a magical gift and they don’t struggle at anything. So this is my reality lol

Also the new JLI art will be coming out soon, stay tuned!!! Spoiler alert it’s a glee related post 🤫

[krystal-sylph]

A Cozy Night | Brian x F. Reader

I drew inspiration for this from a piece of fan-art that ♠️ Embrace Ace ♠️ made a while back (I tried to incorporate the link, but I couldn’t find it on their profile anymore). Anyway, it was an adorable picture that showcased Brian, Tim, Alex, Jay, and Jessica sitting around a campfire in the woods as Alex told them all a story - the story of Marble Hornets.  So it was basically an AU that implied the entirety of the series was nothing more than a spooky story Alex made up to keep his friends entertained while they were outside spending time together. I loved how creative it was and just had to make it into a one-shot.

If I made some mistake and credited the wrong person, I apologize! I had first seen the image months ago (and actually wrote this right after lol, but on my Quotev account instead of Tumblr), and I had written down the original artist’s name so I wouldn’t forget. Maybe they deleted it, for some reason? Idk haha. But yeah enjoy reading! Brian’s beautiful and I’ll always be soft for him ^^

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“...And as Tim continued driving down the empty highway, he stared into the camera one final time. If one looked closely enough, they may have been able to see his eyes becoming glossy as the tears welled up. He released a shaky breath - one of relief or one of disquietude, we may never know - and spun the camera around, allowing the viewers to face the road when the car made a turn into nowhere. A moment later, the screen turned black, and there, fading across it in that familiar white font, were the words, ‘everything is fine’...”

Alex met the eyes of his five friends as the story, at last, came to a close, observing their mixed expressions. Some were eagerly looking on in anticipation, others didn’t seem nearly as interested but it was clear he still held their attention. After a few seconds of heavy silence, Y\n leaned forward and whispered, “...Is that it?”

Alex merely gave a small grin before standing to his feet and stretching his limbs out, as they had all been sitting on their respective logs, huddled around the warm fire for the past five and a half hours. Jay’s eyes widened at the implication and he restlessly tugged at his hat, making it obvious to everyone that he wasn’t satisfied. “But–but Alex, dude, you can’t leave us hanging like that! What happened to Tim and Jessica? Did anyone ever find Y\n again? You gotta tell us!”

“Sorry man, but my voice is shot for the night,” he replied, brushing the back of his pants off. “I’m ready to hit the sack.”

“But Alex…!” Jessica whined, clasping her hands together and giving him the classic “puppy-dog eyes”, to which he rose a brow. “I’m gonna be awake the whole night if I don’t know this stuff!”

“It’s up to interpretation.”

“No, but really! Did Tim actually escape from the Operator? You stopped on such an eerie note!” Alex didn’t say anything else as he turned and began making his way into his tent. Y\n smirked slightly at their persistent attitudes and raked her fingers through her hair.

“Say what you guys want, but I for one think it’s the perfect ending to an already great story.” She glanced over at Brian, who had been sitting beside her the majority of the time to see what he thought, receiving a dimpled smile and a nod.

“I agree.” Jessica crossed her arms incredulously. “Not every story has to have a dead-set ending to it. Sometimes, it’s better left up to the imagination.”

“Yeah, maybe for y’all, but I can’t just do that. ‘Imagining’ an ending gives me way too much anxiety.”

“Meh.” Jay shrugged and scratched at his arm. “I just like knowing what happened if I’m being honest. Maybe that stems from my being impatient…”

“Tim! What about you?” The male in question lifted his gaze briefly to acknowledge her before rising up and shaking his head in refusal.

“You aren’t dragging me into this weird little debate. I just wanna go to bed.” He brushed past the two that were already standing and rubbed the back of his neck, presumably because it was sore from the extended lack of movement. “Goodnight.”

The small group watched as he disappeared behind the cloth wall of his own tent; the only shelter that was intentinally set up away from the other ones. No one minded it though, considering Tim just liked the solitude. Jessica broke the short silence with a displeased huff. “Well, whatever. I’ll just write my own ending. C’mon Jay, you can help me so I won’t overwhelm myself.” Grabbing his hand, she hauled them in the direction of her tent while Jay sputtered out poorly-crafted sentences in agreement or objection, nobody could be sure. “Goodnight, guys! See you tomorrow.”

Y\n waved and bit back the giggle she felt tempted to release when Jay nearly tripped over a stray tree root, giving her yet another reminder as to why she needed to watch exactly where she was headed at all times, especially at night. She for sure didn’t want to stumble on something and break her nose - not only would it be embarrassing, but it would put a damper on the rest of the trip, and maybe end it altogether. That wouldn’t have been a preferred outcome for anyone involved.

Once the tent was zipped completely up, all was quiet. The only sound that could be heard was the soft crackling of the fire and occasional, distant cries of the coyotes coupled with the chirping of cicadas. This was one of the many reasons that she loved to camp, and it only made the experience more enjoyable to have some of her best friends to share it with. She could tell that they were all having a relatively good time, even if ones like Tim wanted to complain about bug bites and mud. It was a relationship-strengthening activity that any number of people could do together, and that’s what made it so fun.

Now, only Y\n and Brian remained sitting outside, the lustrous glow that the fire emitted crawling across their faces as they both stared at it, serenity filling the atmosphere between them. “So…how do you think the story ends?” Brian suddenly spoke up after a couple of minutes, brown eyes not leaving the orange flames rippling in front of him. Y\n shifted her position a bit in an effort to get more comfortable and replied in a mellow voice.

“...I like to think that everyone that wasn’t outright said to have died turned out alright…especially cause, they deserved a happy conclusion. But I don’t know really.” She tilted her head up to look at him curiously. “You?”

He considered her opinion as the corners of his lips tugged upward, soon providing his own. “I’m an optimist, so I like your theory. But realistically speaking, Tim - story ‘Tim’, that is - likely went somewhere that he’d be alone and killed himself cause he couldn’t take the agony of losing his friends. And Jessica got sucked into the Operator’s clutches all over again. As for Y\n…” He sent her a cheeky grin, “she totally survived everything against all odds because she’s just that awesome.”

She rolled her eyes and playfully nudged him with her arm. “Uh-huh, sure.” Releasing a gentle laugh, Brian leaned back a little, using his hands to support his body weight so he wouldn’t tumble backward off of the log. They relished each other’s company, enjoying being one with nature in the most peaceful of ways. Without warning, Y\n allowed her head to rest on top of his shoulder and her eyes grew droopy. “It’s pretty, huh?”

“Beautiful.” He welcomed the physical gesture and wrapped his arm around her smaller frame, giving her the opportunity to snuggle closer. “We should do this more often.”

“Hm, I thought you’d like it.” She pulled at her jacket, hoping it would do a better job at conserving heat, as it was getting chillier the more the night progressed. “This is actually the first time I’ve camped out with anyone but my family.”

“That so?”

“I guess nobody else just wanted to be this far away from civilization. They were scared or somethin’.” He released a hum of understanding. “I don’t get that sentiment, though. I think it’s relaxing.”

“To be fair, not everybody grew up in a family that took frequent trips like this. I’m sure the idea of being miles away from any help in case something were to go wrong, or being hunted by some big predator lurking in the woods unsettled them.”

“Pfft, that’s amateur stuff.” She flinched when he poked her side and gave a chuckle.

“The point still stands.” They spent a total of fifteen more minutes sitting side-by-side, not quite ready to say ‘goodbye’ to each other’s presence on such a nice night. But alas, the lethargy was weighing down on both slowly, though Y\n was the first to show it with a squeaky yawn. Brian laughed and bent over to catch sight of her tired face. “You wanna go to bed?”

She was quick to deny the question. “No, no, I’m fine. Let’s just stay here a little while longer…” Her mildly slurred words were all the confirmation he needed, and he brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek.

“Y\n, you need to sleep. We’re going hiking tomorrow, remember? You can’t do that on zero energy.”

“I’ll…be okay.” Her eyes were almost completely closed, making it clear that she was content to just stay where they were sitting together, but Brian pushed her away gently so he could rise to his feet, then he took her hands and helped her up, much to her protest. “Brian…”

“Y\n…” he replied with the same querulous tone, prompting her to shoot him a half-hearted glare, and he smiled, giving her a good view of the gap between his front teeth. “We’re both tired. I’m sure you’ll konk out as soon as your head hits the pillow.”

She used the tip of her shoe to drag at the dirt and finally muttered a reluctant, “fine…” and Brian tousled her hair in amusement.

“Good. You can go wait for me in the tent while I smother out the fire.”

She did just that, taking off her shoes and instantly collapsing onto her sleeping bag. She had insisted that she and Brian share a tent as soon as he agreed to go camping with her with the claim that “it would be less baggage” and that it would be a way to stay warmer at night when it got cold, but she knew he probably suspected the real reason was simply that she wanted to be close to him as often as she could.

She knew that the fire was gone when the majority of the light leaking into the space vanished, and this was further backed up when Brian revealed himself and zipped up the entrance behind him, capturing the pair in pleasant darkness. She saw his silhouette lay down on top of his own thin bed and grinned to herself. He appeared to still be adjusting to get cozier, and she curled up into a loose ball, feeling safe. “...’Night, ‘Hoody’.”

He turned his head to glimpse down at her as he processed the reference before snorting and flopping onto his back. “‘Night, N\n.”

[slowpoke272]

“catch-22″ by joseph heller

finished: june 30, 2023

I DID IT, AFTER SEVERAL ATTEMPTS IN MY ADOLESCENCE AND MAYBE 1-2 OTHER TIMES DURING MY TWENTIES, I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO READ THIS BOOK. ooooof, we’ve a lot to unpack here!

idk what it was about starting this book and not being able to keep going. i think my ability to not get through this book was probably one of the biggest indicators that traditional reading, while preferred, was not my most efficient way of capturing books and stories. i’m fine with that now, but it took me a long time and some significant ego death to get here. basically, i loved this book, it’s everything i always wanted from a war novel, it’s satire and whimsy and absurd and unchronological and the characters are not reliable narrators and the novel is relentlessly indirectly addressing so much about america, war, soldiers, and the human condition. all rolled into one book. supremely masterful.

my only criticism about the book is that i think it was too long. i do, however, love the way we were able to get so in depth with all the characters, all the angles that came with their decisions, and it wasn’t just solely focused on “yossarian good guy, we want to bring him home!” but there was so much more to it than that. i think the parts i didn’t particularly care for were the action scenes, but also some of the funniest moments were in there, too. idk, i might have a different opinion on this upon a second read, and this is a novel i’ve had a hardcopy of for years, so i will certainly be reading it again.

i also have to point out the irony of me reading this book right now, just before the 4th of july holiday. other war holidays (memorial day, labor day, veteran’s day {damn we have so many holidays about war and military huh lol}) maybe take a back seat to 4th of july this year, if for no other reason than the fourth falling on a tuesday this year, and therefore providing me a four day weekend instead of the usual three day weekend. as a child, i was a good lil american and would be excited to go see fireworks, we would have pie or whatever, my mom always bought us the newest line of old navy shirts with the american flag plastered all over them. as i grew into my own person and learned what america was really all about, specifically our military operations, i drifted away from this holiday and all its traditions. i don’t fight about it with my parents but it’s sort of like how my husband stopped going to church and his parents had a hard time accepting it at first, but eventually understood that was who he was; i don’t need this holiday and i don’t need to jerk off america. don’t get me wrong, love to all the soldiers and everything, but the principal of the matter is i don’t think anyone should die in war, ever, the fact that war even exists at all is so bizarre and insane to me. humans adapted over millions of years, learned to use tools and the resources available to us, built fires and homes and cities and made social structures and communities... all just to have it blasted away because of greed and racism, basically. tell me any war or “conflict” is about anything else, i dare you. it’s not. it’s always those two, sometimes both.

anyways, i grew up around my parents and my parents’ parents watching M*A*S*H and the like. my grandpa served in the army as well as other family friends and extended family members. near the end of my grandpa’s life, when i had enough curiosity and inquisition to ask about his military life is when he dwindled away to barely even being able to acknowledge it at all... so i never really got anything negative about war or the military, if anything it’s been super glorified throughout my life. queue soldiers coming to high school campuses to recruit, 9/11, and more friends and family joining different branches of the government and it’s been quite a different story. all that is to say that i’ve never felt comfortable with the idea of war, or even organized military, and these days i “celebrate” my long fourth of july weekends with my husband and cats, not seeking out fireworks and not wearing any flags. i think the last time i wore an american flag was when i was 16, i’m ashamed to admit that but it’s true.

catch-22 and joseph heller provides exactly the counterpoints to military operations that we need to hear. unfortunately, like most well-intentioned novels, the people who need to hear these ideas most are the least likely to be exposed or actually think critically about it. they are the next major major majors and will eventually become major major major majors in their obedience and loyalty, unless they get unalived in combat first. i deeply love how some parts of this novel were so whimsy and absurd, but that ending with snowden is gut-wrenching. also the alley scene in italy... with the SA. if you’ve read the book, you know the one. joseph heller is a remarkable author and i would be interested in other works of his but this is definitely an immediate favorite of mine.

the audiobook i borrowed on libby also had an extra 40 minutes of joseph heller reading selections from the novel and maaaaaaaan i wish i could buy this section alone and/or see him perform it with my own eyes. heck, it inspires me to recreate some of his prose and monologues. the back and forth between some of the characters becomes so painstaking that you can’t help but laugh. great book, immediate favorite, can’t wait to read it again and if you are like me and somehow got by 3 decades in life without finishing this book... HERE’S YOUR SIGN.

now i’m gonna reblog a bunch of things that resonated with me, but i know my favorite parts aren’t rebloggable. just read it, guys! for the love of humanity.

rating: 10/10 this deeply resonated with me, i will re-read it again numerous times and recommend it to anyone i know, the story and characters will stick with me forever; crave discussing it all the time and bring it up unprovoked

[merouses]

Books Mero read, 2022 edition

As promised (to myself?) here’s a small review for all books and book series I read this year!

The Nightrunner series by Lynn Flewelling - This series. This FUCKING series. Its so fucking good. Its sooooo good!!! It’s 7 books in all (plus 1 collection of short stories) and they’re all at least very good. It can be intimidating since it’s a pretty long series BUT they’re all  pretty standalone still. My favourite turned out to be the 3rd book, as it best meshed the adventure and intrigue styles, which the other books tend to stick mostly to one of. My only critiques really are that some parts are really.... unpleasant to read, given the situation the characters find themselves in, and sometimes these parts reeeeally overstay their welcome. Book 4 Im looking at you(....I skimmed over like half of this book for this reason). Regardless of that though, these books are still great, the characters are amazing, and the many many times and ways Seregil and Alec were tastefully described as fucking was 100/10.

In Deeper Waters by F.T. Lukens - From great to bad. Ok maybe thats a bit harsh but this book is just uninspired and uninspiring, probanbly the most “young adult” of the books I read this year? Like, yeah its cute and all, and the romance is... fine? But nothing happens in this book. There’s one actual good moment that’s when the MC is kidnapped (not a spoiler, it’s in the synopsis) and that chunk of pages was actually engaging, but then... nothing. Or essentially nothing. The ‘mystery’ the book proposes is the barest of bones of one, and the ending absolutely sucked: a sudden problem solved by an even more sudden solution, all in less than 20 pages. Idk maybe this one really was just too juvenile for me, I imagine if I read it at like 12 or 13 I’d have liked it, or at least enjoyed it more.

The Fire’s Stone by Tanya Huff - This is another one that felt ‘young adult’, it’s very much a fantasy adventure book, if that makes sense. An unlikely band of heroes set out to defeat the bad guy, get the thing and save the land, yadda yadda. But... it’s pretty good! The unlikely heroes are all pretty likeable and their dynamic fun, the pacing’s pretty good, the setting interesting... Everything just clicked, really, this was a fun time.

The Last Sun, The Hanged Man & The Hourglass Throne (or, The Tarot Sequence 1,2&3) by K.D. Edwards - The harshest thing I can say about these books is that the author plans 9 of em and only 3 are out. I just. Really really loved these ones, the characters are great, the plots are fun, even if they get pretty dark sometimes (mostly on book 2)... They’re contemporary fantasy and, I’ll be honest, when I first picked up The Last Sun I thought I’d hate it. A lot of swearing, a lot of action-movie action, the mc loves his quips... honestly if I hadn’t known it was gay It’s not a book I’d pick up. But I was wrong! And everything works. The world created (where atlantis had revealed itself to the world and is now a modern day city with it’s own intricacies and conspiracies) is so engaging, it really shows its own culture and how it intertwined with today’s world. And very much today’s world, the 3rd book even brings up COVID. Really... I just can’t wait for the next books.

White Trash Warlock by David R. Slayton - I’m talking about this one right after the Tarot Sequence cause they feel very similar. Not really in terms of plot, but they feel both like offshoots of the same base idea of magic in the real current world, there’s probably overlapping inspiration there. And... it’s fine! I can’t really say why, but even though I liked this book well enough it just didn’t grab me like the other books I enoyed on this list did. Maybe it’s the pacing, maybe it’s my growing familiarity with gay fantasy (this is the last book I finished out of these) but it just... fell short I guess. Or maybe it’s the fact that really this book feels very.... “american”, in the sense that it’s really about some specific american things or experiences, I guess, and I’m not american. I can try and imagine everyone’s accent as described, sure, but it’s not bringing along the baggage that’s there if you know these places first or second hand. Can’t say I enoyed the very brief but unnecessary cliffhanger though ...but I’ll still read the rest of the series, and hope they get better.

Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner - This book is all intrigue, essentially, and I... liked it? I think? It has similar problems to In Deeper Waters, where nothing reeeally happens till it does all at once, but it managed that pacing much better than Waters did, first by having the nothing happenning actually feel like a buildup, slow as it was, and second by having the story be actually about politics and schemes and intrigue, so it warrants its own slowness. Most of these characters are assholes though.

The Watchtower by Elizabeth A. Lynn - Another slow one, but this time a proper slow adventure, rather than intrigue drama, I guess. I.... don’t really wanna talk to much about this one. It’s gay and it isn’t, it flows nicely, and everythings well painted but... it made me feel a lot of conflicting feelings which left me very down for several days, but I think that was because of personal feelings as to what happens here. So yeah. Idk. Can’t really say I disliked it but it doesn’t feel right to say I did, either. The title doesn’t really make a lot of sense though, that’s for certain.

Silver in the Wood & The Drowned Country by Emily Tesh - A duology of short books that can best be described as squandered potential. Man, I liked the first book. It’s short, its sweet, sure the pacings not that great and this  is definetly a fanfic that was repurposed into a book, but it’s good! It has a feel, the way the magic things, the wood itself is decribed is good, its intriguing, it made me think “oh thats a cool way to describe these things that are happenning!”. And then the second book just. Has the same characters, has the same magic things but. Does absolutely nothing with it. The interesting descriptions? Maybe a couple of passages but they don’t make up for the bad plot and pacing this time. There was the opportunity for a great ending, one which would actually made you feel things, but it dropped the ball so hard. Bleh.

A Marvellous Light by Freya Markse - This is the first book I read this year! And really, a great way to start. Its an edwardian fantasy with a veeery interesting magic system, a cool plot, good characters, if a tad tropey. I had a lot of fun reading this one! Part of that may be the posh englishmen suddenly talking about cock, and me getting sucker punched by eplicit sex scenes which I did exxpect. Either way, the sequel just came out and I’m excited to see if it can keep up with the first one. It’s apparently about lesbians, which is fun.

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison - I think this is the only properly not gay book I read this year. That aside, I loved this book!!!! Like, a lot!!!!! The worldbuilding is really good, leaving a lot of space open for exploration, but it does lean heavily into fantasy mumbo jumbo, as in, boy does this book have a looot of hard names to remember. There’s a glossary of sorts at the end but most of the times I went to it for help, it didn’t have the word. That aside, it was enjoyable the whole way through. It’s another story of political intrigue and schemig, not a lot of action, but the pacing somehow still feels so fast!! It’s about the youngest son of the emperor, who had no training and no expectations of becoming emperor himself and surprise! The crown lands on his head, essentially, and then about how isolated he feels due to his new position and how he navigates his relations when there are so many epectations of him. Its really good. It almost seemed like unearthing treasure when I later found out that there are sequels and the sequels actually do have a gay main character. Read this book.

Small epilogue: I just got back into reading this year, after not really picking up a new book since around 2019? And man. Reading is great. Ive sincerely started feeling so much better, so much more creative since I got back into reading!! Im surprised I jumped right back into reading a book a week (almost) and honestly? Im surprised at how comfy it feels. Ah, reading. I’m sicerely glad that I did so.

And so the year ends! On to more gay stuff! If you read this, thanks!!

[the-kipsabian]

Crush anon here I went through a stint when I was younger of losing some people back to back tho it was months / a year apart and I’ve lost a couple people a few years apart here recently one I just lost a few weeks back another just a few months ago

Grief is never ever easy but it’s much harder when you don’t experience it for a while and then suddenly you’re hit with it so quickly so much at once

The regrets are very very real and valid and I understand the connection disconnection thing felt that way about my paw he was good to me most of the time but was terrible to my mother and bad mouthed my dead nana his ex wife fairly often and she was my entire universe tbh so made for a very mixed relationship with him

Fond memories of eating out with him or going to the library

But then horrible ones of him bad mouthing my nana and him not being allowed at her funeral and him being horrid to my mom who despite my admittedly terrible relationship I still felt so much anger seeing her treated so wrongly

Point is people are complicated grief will be complicated often the more complicated the relationship with the person before they died the more complication with the grief is what I’ve found

I find myself feeling a mixture of hating not visiting my grandma in the nursing home more vs remembering times she blamed me for things that weren’t my fault or had meltdowns over small things and not necessarily feeling glad I didn’t visit more I will always regret not visiting more but it sorta in a way removes the rose tinted glasses I had as a kid before I realized and was told some of the stuff she was doing to me was wrong

I’m so sorry for such back to back losses I could never begin to imagine your exact feelings everyone grieves and feels differently and being numb is sometimes a way we can feel whether it be because we’re not ready to feel properly or we feel like we can’t because we have to remain strong for anyone else or whether it just happens

It’s okay like I said people are complicated and therefore grief will be as well and all that matters is we find what works for us and we work through it at safely and at our own pace

Sometimes it will be all at once other times it will be much more sporadic and sometimes even if it’s all at once there can still be smaller times or even bigger times we have random breaks and everything

It’s all okay, I hope you’ll be alright and I hope this makes sense and helps you somehow

I often use my own experiences to try to help others so <3

yeah its. its a lot rn. my grandpa passed away on thursday and my grandma last night so thats. yeah

the thing for me is, apart from getting hit with all of this rapid fire after not experiencing loss in years, its just.. i didnt really have a relationship in the recent years with either of them. mostly cause my grandpa wasnt really a great person and my grandma was secluded and didnt really like me so like.. yeah. i have a lot of guilt of not trying to mend any relationships like that and just having the rest of the family to handle them, but ive been living with the regrets and could-have-beens the past few days a lot and. its just a lot. especially since now theres two people like that and two relationships that are no more that i somehow need to try to deal with

idk like i said in the tags its a very complicated thing for me. im trying to do this at my own pace but its just.. odd to me. and i know its normal but i also feel guilty about it. about a lot of things, like said. i'll be fine eventually, probably cause thats just how life is and since these relationships werent that good or close.. but it still hurts. idk man

thank you tho, i do really appreciate you reaching out 💜

[isshehappy-no]

When issues occur where I get to speak my mind, everything always goes blank. But at night when I lay to rest my head spins with so many ways on how I feel. And why I can’t just say these things to you when I get the chance, I guess I’ll never know. I don’t say things to start a fight. But I just want to tell you how I feel. I’m not good with speaking my feels because anytime I have, they were always invalidated. Growing up when arguments were happening, others always told me to just be quiet and take it, don’t fuel the fire. So many years of that when anyone gets slightly mad at me I stay quiet. Because after arguments I was ignored, sometimes I can’t remember for how long. So I shut down. I want to shrink and hide. I don’t do it to make you feel isolated, and frankly I didn’t realize it was like that until you opened my eyes. It’s just my natural body response and I’m trying so hard. And I’m struggling with all theses feelings, and have been since the beginning of December, and when I finally starting feeling like I could come to you and talk about it, things went down for you. And I wasn’t there the best for you I know that, and I have no excuse. But I knew you were depressed and I did try to be there for you, but I struggled silently. You threw it in my face that you struggled silently to, as if it was my fault. But you didn’t and still don’t know I was struggling as bad as I was. I try not to make things about myself, I keep it all in my head bottled up. I feel it in my chest just wanting to burst out. And all tho I live with you I feel like I can’t always talk to you, and I’m so so lonely. I miss having a friend, I miss my best friend. I have no one to talk to that just listens to what I have to say, or without making me feel stupid. I know I sound stupid but idk how to voice what I’m feeling, but it’s an awful pain. I already have self image issues, I look at myself and see nothing attracting, or nothing attractive about my personality. Quite frankly I’m a weirdo and I don’t know why, or if you’re attracted to me. I question it all the time. I can’t help but remember the things you said to M, I think about it all the time. Why did you say them? Do you still feel them? How long would it have continued if I didn’t find out? I look at myself and compare myself to her. I wonder what she was like and if I’m anything like her. Do you see things in me that remind you do her? Positive or negative. And now I get text fine someone saying you’re texting M.C. and I can’t tell if the text are old or new, or if she’s a liar and just making things up because she’s obsessed with you. And if they were old we were still together then and you told her you wanted her will with me. If your actually doing these things, do I make it that hard to love and commit to me. I constantly live in a state where I’m criticizing myself to be perfect myself. To be the perfect gf so I can’t do anything to make you upset, or do things where you don’t wanna be with me anymore. I constantly think if you actually want be with me because of how much you threaten to leave when I get lazy, or be in a bad mood for a while. Am I not good enough to fight for? Am I that hard to communicate with. These feelings I’m feeling are driving me crazy. Insane. I can’t go a day without thinking about it multiple time. I just want the truth

[prettyboykatsuki]

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

shoujo manga | k. bakugo 

➳ tags ;; fluff, angst/injury, very midly nsfw towards the end, kisses (?), pro-hero!bakugo 

➳ wc ;; 1.5k

➳ plot ;; how bakugo kisses you differently. 

➳ a/n ;; might do this for other characters? idk.. katsuki brainrot haunts me everyday of my life.. 

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

Bakugou speaks more than one language. 

Japanese, English, Spanish, and a little bit of Arabic and French. He’s fluent in the first three and conversational in the last - but the words still feel slick on his tongue. He’s the type of person that knows things well, when he can. He can curl around the syllables easily with enough patience - practice and time. A language is tool - or a love letter or a hopeless romantic. 

It’s something we never tire of listening too. 

For Bakugo Katsuki, the language he speaks to you in is kisses. It’s the one he feels best at, rolls of the tongue and mouth easiest. He’s well-versed in the foreign tongue of affection. It used to be.. choppy to say the least. But these days, Bakugo can tell you anything with nothing more than a few pressed lips and tongue-tied exchanges. 

It starts with a morning kiss. For it to be perfect, the sun has to hang just barely beneath the clouds. It can be any color out, blue, or orange, or grey - the sky just has to have light in it. He wakes up with a grunt, always before you - vermillion eyes peering open at your unconscious state. The verbs in his sentence are his hands, large palms that smooth down your hair. He nudges his nose against your jaw before his lips pucker against your cheek - travel down to your mouth until your eyes flutter open. 

“Wake up, brat,” with another kiss, this time on the corners of your lips. He waits for a while, sometimes letting you sleep for another ten minutes before his heart decides he’s running on empty time. Then he kisses you again, along your jaw like he’s tracing the lines of your art-work. 

“Oh? G’morning, Kat,” 

And he presses his cheek against your shoulder, kisses the edge with another grunt. These kisses always mean good morning, I’m happy we woke up together. In his language of love they mean, I like being here with you. 

Some kisses come after work - especially on those days where he’s working and you’re not. Bakugo dreads leaving you alone during the day, has to force himself out of bed and into his work clothes. It’s easier to be gone but always so hard to leave. When he comes home from work, he finds you in the living room with your legs propped up on the ottoman. Your laptop is on your lap and your head rests 

You can feel his presence before you see him. A warm hand, calloused and a hot, wraps around your throat and pulls you back to look upwards at him. He looks down at you with something unreadable in his expression - his thumb running against the column of your throat. He can feel your pulse under his fingers when he looks down on you - bows his head to kiss like an act of respect. This kiss is slow but deep - like a large wave crashing against the sand. His gravelly voice leaves you with a hum before he pulls away. 

This kiss means he’s missed you much more than you know. That’s why he stares at you for so long right after - why his fingers linger against your neck. 

“Whaddya want for dinner, huh?, is the only words he’ll say in the whole exchange but he looks like he’s gonna kiss you again. He wants to kiss you so many more times but he knows you’ve forgotten to eat so he just asks you what you want. He’ll make it for you. 

Other times, he kisses you in public. They’re not the kinds of kisses you can predict, you have to admit to yourself. It’s thee Dynamight afterall, and he rarely takes you anywhere the paparazzi can see. But you have to do normal things together sometimes - like grocery shopping. Even so, he always keeps his mask on up under his eyes, his sunglasses and army green hat and baggy clothes all covering him up.

But you mention it to him off-hand while you’re looking at salad dressing that you miss looking at his face when you’re out. A wistful, cheeky smiling on your lips as you tell him that you don’t mind if the world knows who you’re with. He scoffs, like always, and tells you to pick the spicy one for him. 

When he takes you outside, the sun falls over your skin like a halo. He’s sure there’s someone trailing him and watching from afar - some obsessed photographer examining his every move. Yet you look like gold, look like magic in the middle of this parking lot - packing groceries into the trunk of your car. 

He pulls his mask down just below his face, and takes his glasses off and pulls you toward him when the last of it’s over. Your hip bumps the shopping cart clumsily as his hands finds themselves under your jacket. His mouth melts against yours - this kind of kiss is searing against your lips Your hands are gripping the front of his shirt at first, but then they lay flat against his chest. It’s the kind of kiss where you let it happen, let it overwhelm your senses till your stomach turns. 

You leave it in a dazed and return to see him smirk, grin cocked like a pistol. He kisses you again, much softer as confusion dances along your face. 

“What? I thought you missed my face?” 

This kind of kiss is a reminder that your his and he’s yours. Nothing in the whole world could come between that, not even some shitty gossip column. When you laugh against him breathlessly, his expression melts into the most tender smile. You miss it - too busy laughing, but it might be better that way.  

Then, there are kisses that are desperate. Not sinful but somber. When you’re rushing to a hospital in the middle of September with a prayer clamped desperately between your tongue and teeth. You don’t really feel like you know yourself anymore, hands clasped around the steering wheel like religion. Your feet are the weight of crucifixion on the gas and it seems like you cannot go fast enough. 

You rush and rush and rush until the air in your lungs feels like it’s stomping at your chest. You wind up in a sterile white room, and he’s there. He’s alive and you know you should be grateful for that. Yet there’s a gash on his cheek and eyebrow, a wound in his side that makes everything in your knees feel weak. You don’t walk towards him, but stumble to where he’s sitting. 

“I fuckin’ hate hospital food,” 

He pushes the peas around the tray and you’re crying - shaking like a leaf in the wind as you cling to him. He lifts his arm and let’s you in. You sniffle against his shoulder and cry like a baby. You weep for the love you haven’t lost. You hear the plastic clink on the plate as he lifts his hand, brushes any stray hairs from your face. He tugs on your ear and makes him look at you, and kisses you. 

This kind of kiss is placating for certain. A warm mouth, not a hot one. His lips are so gentle, touch effervescent. When you hiccup a sob in his mouth, he nudges his forehead against yours and mumbles something incomprehensible.

You can hear his kiss before he speaks it.  

“I’m fine, dumbass,” but there’s no bite, no malice - just a hand wrapped in yours “I’m gonna be fine,” 

There are also times where he kisses you hotly. It’s the kind of kiss you wouldn’t want your children to see. When he comes home from a long day of training but the energy is still burning in his head. He’s sweaty, skin glistening and glazed. His teeth seem so sharp when he enters the threshold of the door. You can feel him pressed against your spine, the thick print in his basketball shorts. When his hands come up underneath your t-shirt and dance along your stomach. These times - he kisses you twice. Salacious and unrelenting. 

Once just like that in the kitchen. It’s all too much tongue and teeth that way - but god it feels so right. Makes you squirm, makes you hold the counter top to keep steady. You tremble before he even touches you. 

The second time is right in the middle of the fire, when he’s inside. Slow, sensual and needy - his tongue finding it’s way in your mouth like you’re a fountain. 

Both kisses speak the same words, the same desperation. It’s always the same with him, the inevitable scorching that bruises your lips and turns them red and swollen. 

“I want you. I want you. Give it to me, Give all of yourself to me” 

His kisses so harshly you can’t breathe, like even the breath in your lungs has to be his or he won’t stay still. These kinds of kisses always happen when you two touch. He can’t help but keep you all to himself. 

After all, in this language that only you two can speak, who else would he tell his secrets to?

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

[living-scrap]

I’m honestly so bewildered rn. Like wow. Like. I rarely see ANY blue exorcist fics let alone x male readers. I... could I plz request a Rin x male reader where we just hang out and goof around at his place during a sleepover? The night is peaceful and cold while we run around Rin’s huge almost desolate place throwing pillows at each other while Yukio is very tired of the ruckus we’re making lmao. Maybe you could add in some other characters like Shiemi just to make this a lil more wholesome maybe?? Idk, this isn’t very romantic for a x reader(there’s definitely some cute lovey chemistry in the air tho),and I’m kinda fine with that cuz I just want to hang out and live my life with this guy,like I love him.deadass.

Young,dumb and in love.

Shivering as you clutched your pillow. The walk to the boy’s dorm wasn’t far but it sure felt like it. Raising your hand to knock the door quickly opened revealing a confused yukio. ‘Hey yukio!’ You waved with a small smile,still slightly shivering. ‘YN? What are you doing here so late?!’ He yelled as he ushered you inside into the somewhat warmth.

‘Did rin not tell you? I’m sleeping over!’ You beamed at the boy who only shook his head in disappointment. You turned your head as you saw rin fumbling down the stairs,rushing down to greet you. ‘YN! You made it’ he smiled as he grabbed your shoulders. ‘YN also says he’s,sleeping over?’ Yukio cooed at rin in a sarcastic tone,clearly pissed that he wasn’t told about the sleepover. ‘Yeah,I forgot to tell you.’ Rin shrugged.

He quickly pulled you by your wrist upstairs,with a obviously tired yuki following. Stopping at his and yukio shared room he opened the door,proudly showing it off. ‘Welcome to our humble..Adobe?’ He sounded confused about his word choice but quickly shook it off. ‘So,where will I sleep? Where will shiemi sleep?’ You asked,as you looked around. Rin tilted his head as yukio’s jaw dropped. ‘Shiemi is coming?!’ They yelled at you in unison. Dropping your pillow in surprise you bent over to pick it back up before pointing to the blue haired boy.

‘He told me she was.’ You mumbled. Rin jumped when he realized yukio’s deathly glare. ‘Sh-she can sleep in a separate room?..’ Rin attempted to make things better,but only added fuel to the fire. Yukio huffed,calming himself down. ‘There’s four bunks for a reason. If she wants she can sleep on the top bed of mine.’ Rin and you quickly nodded,agreeing with the younger brother.

‘YN,let’s go to the roof. Right about now it should look really pretty outside!’ He grabbed your wrist,and looked up at you. Your heartbeat felt like it got faster as your face became slightly warm. Dismissing the feeling you nodded. ‘Yeah!’ Rin grinned as he began to drag you out of the room and up the stairs. You could swear,the whole time he practically dragged you upstairs was similar to heaven. How he kept looking back and smiling at you was the best part.

As soon as he opened the door you were both hit with a gust of wind,causing a giggle to slip out of your mouth. Rin felt his face slightly heat up but also,dismissed the feeling. ‘Woah..look at that!’ Rin pointed at the sunset,how the color of the lights matched. The Shadows were shorter now,making everything seem bigger. ‘It’s beautifully’ mumbling as you walked closer to the edge,enjoying the view. It all went away as soon as you were hit by another cold wind,making you shiver.

Rin took notice of your shivering. He was thinking he could do something nice and you appreciate it,or he could do something nice and you’d hate it. He sighed,pushing the bad thoughts to the side. Taking off his jacket he placed it on your shoulders,covering your arms. He could practically feel the tension in the air,he thinks he either fucked up your friendship or possibly caused the start of something new. Looking to the floor as your face flushed. ‘Thank you,Rin.’ He only grinned as he pat your shoulder. ‘Your welcome.’

Both of you jumped,startled by the sound of the door slamming open. ‘Rin,shiemi is here!’ Yukio yelled. ‘K!’ Rin yelled back as he turned. He took your hand this time,instead of your wrist and began to walk to the door back inside. You smiled as you saw shiemi,twisting her foot and waiting. ‘Shiemi!’ You yelled as you ran with open arms,she jumped when she heard you yelling her name but quickly opened her arms when she saw it was you.

She quickly engulfed you in a hug before pulling away and waving at Rin with a smile. Yukio clapped once ‘alright,I’m going to sleep.’ He turned and walked back to his dorm with all three following behind. Rin quickly grabbed your hand once again,hoping nobody would see.

‘Shiemi I love your pants- they look so comfortable where did you get them?’ You asked. They looked fuzzy and very baggy,which was the most comfortable thing you could possibly sleep in. She smiled sweetly before answering: ‘from this little shop not far from here,I think it’s called city market?’ You beamed ‘thank you! Me and Rin have to check it out sometime’ you tugged on rins hand,pulling his attention to you. ‘Right,Rin?’ He only nodded,completely confused on what was going on.

Sitting on the bed thinking for something to do. ‘What are we going to do now?’ You cooed as you laid back. Before you knew it you were hit with a pillow. Quickly jolting up you saw Rin snickering,without second thought you hit him with one back. Suddenly you were being attacked from your side,looking over you saw shiemi giggling as she hit you with her own pillow. Hitting her back she only laughed louder. The sounds of clashing pillows and laughter filled the room but it all game to a sudden stop when yukio groaned.

‘It’s 11pm! Go to sleep!’ Yukio yelled,but was quickly shut up as shiemi hit him with a pillow. She stood with proudly as she grinned. ‘So that’s how it is huh?’ Yukio playfully sneered as he put on his glasses. He quickly grabbed a pillow and hit shiemi back before hitting Rin as well. His eyes landed on you causing a panicked yell to escape your throat as you attempted to run. But you were Quickly hit by his pillow.

Rin easily got revenge for you as he smacked his brother with a pillow. Laughs and giggles continued to fill the room as everyone attacked Yukio. It somehow ended up with you still standing as everyone laid tiredly on the floor or their beds for the night. Beaming pridefully you puffed out your chest: ‘I’m the king of the pillows!’ Everyone bursted into laughter. You only pouted in response.

Everyone was tired,Yukio had fallen asleep on his bed while shiemi was wrapped up in her blanket on hers. but you and Rin hadn’t reached your limit,so you settled on watching a movie on your phone.

Both of you were huddled in a singular cover and eating some popcorn ukobach had made for you both. Leaning your head until in hit rins shoulder,you felt him tense but after a minute he had calmed down,rather enjoying the act. Over time he’d gotten sleepy as decided to lean his head on top of yours. Both of you just huddling in the warmth of the cover and one another.

What a great sleepover.

[jiminrings]

OKAY LISTEN idk if someone or you already planned sth like this but how about y/n finally decides to confess/tell jk but someone else claims to be her before she could do it so * cue to the angst bc y/n sees the whole thing/she hears from her friends * and ofc koo eventually finds out bc that b*tch doesn't even have the fucking lunchboxes 😑

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

stem koo's the three-peat king for having the best research papers, but he's the worst when it comes to believing the right person

"i think i'm gonna tell him."

you say it to no one in particular, really, but you hear yoongi rISING from his nap on the couch

it wasn't meant to wake him at all

it was just an epiphany of sorts that popped into your head

physically felt as if your head would just bursT if you didn't say it out loud to affirm your own thoughts lmao

"for real???" he's rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, very evident that he wouldn't wake up to finish his thirteen pending assignments but he 10/10 would wake up to hear your epiphany

yoongi is awake for the action!!!! lmao does professor roux from calculus think that he wakes up at the morning and doing shapes (or whatever they teach at calc) is the fIRST thing in his mind????

"interesting," he nods solemnly when you nod your head, reaching out for a fist bump before he plops to your shoulder, "i suggest dressing like a virgin wearing H&M when you confess. it would hit close to home."

yoongi's the touchy affectionate one between the two of you but you'll forgive him bc he's still sleepy

NOOOOOOO

jungkook doesn't look like a virgin wearing H&M :((((

his clothes aren't from there lol

"pass."

"say that you're a top verified contributor both in quora and brainly."

PLEAAAAAASE SJWHSHWHHWV

"nice idea," you snort as yoongs genuinely thinks that it'd get jungkook to propose on the spot, "but no cigar."

"pretend to love big bang theory."

"you're getting onto something here."

"your hobby is fact-checking rick and morty."

"yoongi wow you are on fIRE today-"

"your guilty pleasure is not wearing protective gear during experiments."

"where is this coming from??"

"OH!!!! i'll pretend to mug him or something and you can attack me!!!"

....

??????

yeah yoongi's train of thought just crashed

you were pretty sure he was going on a science theme there wHY DID IT DERAIL

yoongi looks confused because you look confused, as if he didn't just give you the mindblowing idea,, free of charge

lol but no he really didn't

"i'm not doing any of that shit, yoongs."

"oh yeah???" he squints at you and hollows his cheeks, taunting you entertainingly while he worms his way to your lap to nap again

"what are you planning to do?"

holy sHIT this is nerve-wracking

she feels like she's gonna pass out the whole time that she's been rehearsing this in her head

she's been waiting outside the classroom for twenty minutes now and the bell finally rang and she can't believe it!!!! omg is it game-time now

everyone's filing out of the room and she could just feel that jungkook would come out of the room last-

ALRIGHT FUCK THE BELL RANG

you could do this!!!!

everyone's filing out of the room and you know in your heart that jungkook would stay behind, his routine being to politely chat with the professor before he leaves

you're a lil nervous alright

you're scanning the room and there's only a few people left and your eyes instinctively go to the mini desk next to the door and-

FUCK

DID YOU FORGET TO BRING IT HOME YESTERDAY??????

goddamn it

yesterday was when coach jeong was mad because someone from your team just hAD to bring beer!!! and not even have the common sense to put it on a discreet thermos or sth and you know!!!! to not drink it in public or in front of the coach!!!!

doing laps on the oval field will now make you hurl on command just by thinking about it

you physically did not have the cognizance to go and fetch the lunchbox to wash it,,,, or like even move at all

FUCK IT

how are you gonna swipe the lunchbox now? now when the professor's packing up, jungkook's loitering around the classroom, and there's this girl who's-

wait

who's this girl??

who is she and wHY IS SHE EYEING THE LUNCHBOX

fuck it!!! here goes nothing

she's stepping completely into the room and making sure her block heels generate enough clacking,, hands already moving in practiced moments as she attempts in making it seem like she's rushedly putting the lunchbox bag into her tote — as if it's from there, and she's always done this

jungkook hears noises coming from the back of the room, eyes widening before he comes up the stairs in record time

"no. get your own."

he grips the girl's wrist, about to pry off her hands from his lunchbox

he hears her giggle sweetly, the melody being something he's heard before

"i did. after all, i did get you these."

:O

"hyeji?"

hyeji's a pretty girl!!! a nice girl in jungkook's year that wears fit dresses and cartier bangles :D

she stands out really, sometimes literally because she appears in the school's flyers and advertisements

"hyeji," jungkook breathlessly connects the dots including the fact that she looks caught in the act; holding his lunchbox, her tote bag open, and a peek of another completely different lunchbox in her other hand, "i-it's been you this whole time?"

hyeji blushes, sheepishly tucking her perfectly shiny and neat hair behind her ears, "you caught me then."

kook laughs both in nervousness and giddiness, pushing his glasses up and suddenly conscious that he should've worn contacts, "b-but how? we don't share this class."

:O

hyeji bursts into a giggle, blushed cheeks staining further than the five minutes she tried getting the perfect amount

"r-right! kinda amazing what depths you'd go for a person you like, hm?"

jungkook is about to pass out

HE'S PUT IN A SITUATION

a situation that he likes and is too giddy to find a reply for

he apparently doesn't need a reply, because a chair scrapes harshly against the floor and it brings him down to reality immediately

you cannot fucking believe what you just witnessed

you stand abruptly from the seat you've been frozen in with a great deal of urgency because you cAN'T stand to be in this room any longer

they actually forgot that the two of them aren't alone

that you're still here

little miss hyeji's just as shocked

you feel stupid and even more stupid that you're still holding a stupid notebook you even decorated

it has a doodle in the front and all the remaining pages are of the copies you've replicated on jungkook's sticky notes — the same ones you've been trying to make perfect just for him

"y/n!" he sputters when your backpack accidentally leans too much to your side and hits him on the way out

"move."

you’re feeling everything but fine and god you just hated that you always willed yourself to move oN

you’re beyond mad when you put on your jersey!!!

you’re irrevocably dejected when you put on your cleats!!!!

you feel cheated on when you zip up your duffel and walk all the way to the field!!!

it’s a combination of the type of frustration that makes you want to move plus the type that paralyzes you, the whole thing unlike anything you’ve ever felt before

you’re clearly in your head and frankly, you’re just too good

too good that there's no game at all because the only thing happening is you scoring

there's no passing going on or the sort

everyone is just :O looking at their captain to be in the most furiously determined state that they’ve ever seen you in

you don’t even realize that you’re the oNLY one moving in the whole field

“alright, alright — jesus christ! go to the bench and sort your head out, captain,” coach jeong literally has to JOG over to your spot to jolt you

oh there he is again

jaehyun just had to bench you didn’t he

sometimes it’s lost on you that jaehyun, just like seokjin, used to be your senior

he hated juniors with a burning passion and you’re the ONLY one he’s taken a tolerance for

((you lent him your umbrella and it coincidentially had to be a bad day for him tHEN that made him like you))

you’re having none of it though because this time, you’re the one who has the bad day and the captain title does nothing to appease you

“sure, coach.”

you mumble just as lively and walk to completely the fURTHEST side of the bleachers, being so far out that you could barely see your team

what are you supposed to do? simmer in the thoughts you so badly didn’t want to have in silence??????

"y/n?"

the voice you least expected to hear perks up right next to you

what the hell is jungkook doing here now??

he looks lost, two hands clinging onto his backpack straps before tentatively looking at you again

“did i do anything to upset you?”

so he wants to ask that?

you snort automatically, suddenly wishing that you didn’t walk this far because you can’t make an excuse that jaehyun’s calling for you

"because my bag accidentally hit you on the way out? no, jungkook."

jungkook knits his brows in question, seemingly take offense to what you’ve just said to hom

"we're not exactly associated for me to be mad at you, are we?" you emphasize even further, not caring the least bit that your words have an edge to them

he deadpans, pursing his lips before sarcastically smiling at you

".... so you're upset at me?"

://

jungkook takes your silence for him to delve further, not paying attention to how your eye is begging to twitch at him

"i asked if i did anything to upset you, and you said no. but that doesn't necessarily mean you aren't. you could be upset at me even if i didn't do anything to you."

wow

you sound like a real fucking nerd jungkook

"do you have any idea how condescending you sound right now?"

kook barely has a solid inch on you yet the nagging feeling that he’s belittling you makes you grip your fists tight, posture wavering

"so you do admit that you're upset at me?"

he’s not the most patient person either but something about you and the situation right now just makes him tick a little faster

your eyes narrow at what he’s aiming to get at, your hand on your hip feeling heavy at this point

"what does it matter to you if i'm upset or not? we are not-"

"i am associated to you!!! even to a degree!!! you walked me home!"

jungkook is the one who breaks first and he doesn’t look fazed to have opposed you so loudly, still standing by himself

"i would walk anyone home."

"no you wouldn't-"

"i would walk anyone who was as vulnerable and as anxious as you were, jungkook!!"

it is true

you’d walk anyone home within reason regardless if they were jungkook or not!!!

the guy in question only looks at you straightly, brows not stubborn but still just as unrelaxed

:((

"good to know. then you're not upset at me, and i didn't do anything to upset you."

"sure."

you only say just to spite him, about to turn your back and leave him completely to go back to your practice game

jungkook surprises you again and flips a switch just as quick as your mini argument of sorts escalated

"anyways!! i'm sorry for being a little off when i interviewed you that day. i got a 100 on that assignment, by the way :))"

what?

what’s he still doing here?

he’s talking about his grades and whatnot to you as if literally twenty seconds ago did nOT happen!!

"why are you still-"

"and the one who's been giving me my lunchboxes confessed to me today!! for hyeji to be the girl giving me them, it makes perfect sense."

you shrug away the weirdness that jungkook’s moved on from the argument as fast as this, trying a take two for a peaceful conversation

this time, you’re the one who unknowingly flips a switch at her name — something so foreign and sudden yet something you quickly grew to hate

"i wouldn't be so trusting if i were you."

that seems to hit a nerve on him again, making him scoff in reply

"good thing you aren't me then."

what is ON with him????

"watch it. i'm your senior, kid."

you’re more irritated than the first and second time around that you’ve been agitated this day

"why? are you normally this self-absorbed that you wouldn't trust a girl who's confessed??"

self-absorbed?

you aren’t the most selfless person ever but god do you know for a fact that you’re not vain as jungkook’s insisting you to be

you hate him.

you hate this version of him that isn’t the same jungkook you’ve known to like ever since the start of the semester

"same thing as polygraphs not being a hundred percent reliable. anyone could tell the truth as long as you ask the wrong questions," you detail on further because jungkook loves details, right? might as well give him several

"or did you even ask?"

jungkook scowls as if you’ve insulted his mother and his entire lineage, face contorting into everything but warm

"what does it matter to you? didn't you just tell me that we aren't associated? why are you projecting all your moaning on hyeji?"

WHAT

WHAT????

"you know what? maybe i am associated to you. i think i'd also tell this to everyone i'd walk home — maybe you shouldn't be too trusting, huh? maybe you shouldn't just let anyone walk you home."

the tears this time are more insistent to come out this time but you’d rather dIE than for jungkook to stain your pride like this

"no one should walk me home, besides you? is that what you're trying to say?"

no!!

for fuck's sake you aren't even finished with your point!!

before you could continue, jungkook shakes his head at you — the most disappointing shake of his head that it curses you soft

"what am i even doing? you wouldn't understand."

he closes the distance that’s been alarmingly shorter throughout the whole time, jungkook being the one to break it

"because no one gives you lunchboxes. no one exerts effort in making you cheerful — no one wants to go the extra mile for you, and no one wants to walk you home."

he's insulting you right to your face and that’s when your dam breaks, lips quivering impossibly as you stare him down with a genuinely pained gaze you didn’t know you carried

"you wouldn't know what i feel, because no one likes you."

jungkook gets the last word in.

he leaves you in the same field he's first approached you in nervousness.

today, he leaves it differently.

sweat isn't the only thing on your face but instead it’s the frustrating hot tears you haven’t had in awhile

your fists are balled but there's no power to the anger behind it

you’re almost always alone outside the company of the closest friends you’ve ever had — but this is the only time that you truly felt that you are alone.

today's a good day to give up on jungkook.

[azucanela]

Hi! i’d like to request a Zuko x Reader oneshot please and it takes place a few years after he’s crowned as the Fire Lord: Zuko is entering suitable age for marriage and yet he has no one that he likes enough to take as his queen, what if Uncle Iroh hired the reader whom is a famous matchmaker that usually arranges the courting & marriage between nobles, but instead of all these ladies that she threw at him he ended up falling for her instead but he’s just so awkward and inexperienced Thank u

INAMORATA | ZUKO X READER

SUMMARY: after a few years of being Fire Lord, Zuko still hasn’t found a companion. so naturally, when Iroh comes upon a matchmaker, he does what he does best and helps Zuko out by hiring her to help him find someone. and inadvertently... iroh ends up playing matchmaker himself. 

WORD COUNT: 12.6k

WARNINGS: mentions of death, death threats, kissing, pining, very mild innuendos, blood, injuries, crying

A/N: this is literally art omg i feel kinda honored to be seeing this ngl and i ended up researching matchmaking and they’re basically therapists that help you find love?? kinda. the profile thing is something that some matchmakers do and idk i have fun analyzing zuko so

in·am·o·ra·ta/iˌnaməˈrädə/

noun

a woman with whom one is in love or has intimate relations.

ATTEMPT ZERO

After years of being the Fire Lord, Zuko had come to realize the job was pretty basic if you thought about it long enough. There were just a few major things to deal with. First, there’s the internal relations, like the civil wars and uprising he deal with at the start of his reign because people disliked his ways. Then there’s the external relations, Zuko worked alongside Aang to repair those, helping the Southern Water Tribe rebuild itself from the ground up, and hosting meetings between the nations, friendly and work related. Those are the more diplomatic aspects of the job, and sadly, even as a ruler who sought to end a war, there was still violence in the world. 

When Aang and the rest of Team Avatar ended the One Hundred Year War, that only exposed a variety of other problems within the world, problems that the team seeked to end. There were people out there who disliked this line of thinking, and similarly wanted it to end, but ending the lives of Team Avatar.

Zuko was used to the death threats, and the assassination attempts. He’d had a security detail in place to ensure he lived to rule his nation, this was especially necessary since he lacked an heir and the only other people eligible for the throne were an old man who ran a tea shop and a psychopathic teenage girl in a mental institution. This is where the social aspect of the job came in, the part that Zuko had never been good at. The Galas and the girls who threw themselves at him, the nobility of all nations that approached him offering their children’s hand in marriage. Zuko was an enigma, a young and powerful bachelor, and now all the nobles with children were lining up for a minute alone with him to try and sell their own kids.

It disgusted him. The way they treated their children like cattle reminded Zuko of his own father, how willing he was to get rid of Zuko since he had a replacement on standby. Though, Zuko sincerely doubted he ever would’ve gotten the throne if Ozai had a choice, even if he hadn’t been banished. 

Alas, even Zuko could recognize the urgency of it, the death threats weren’t letting up, and the assassination attempts were only getting more and more elaborate, leaving Zuko wondering when they’d no longer be attempts. He needed and heir, or at least a wife who could rule alongside him and take over entirely in the event of his death.

The problem was, he didn’t want this.

He was in a unique position, where the person he married would have an immense effect on society, on politics. If it was an Earth Kingdom girl, then maybe the years of violence against their people could be mended sooner, and they could begin working together to combat a variety of issues. If he ends up with a Fire Nation girl, it could be viewed as strengthening the traditional ideals of Fire Nation independence and sovereignty because the Fire Nation is “supreme.”

Dating was political now and he hated it. It wasn’t like Zuko wanted to be alone, it’s just that now everything mattered far more than it used to. Of course, even as a prince it had been the same, but now that he was the Fire Lord, things seemed to be ten times worse. Perhaps it was excessive but Zuko couldn’t help but feel paranoid whenever a new person entered his life, he couldn’t help but assume that they were just using him for some other agenda.

Of course, his friends had tried to assure him this wasn’t always the case, and they’d even made attempts to set him up with girls. All of which had failed. Zuko knew he wasn’t an easy person, much less an easy person to date. As Fire Lord, a lot of his time was taken up by meetings, and diplomatic missions, and not-so-diplomatic missions alongside Team Avatar. That and he was rather awkward when it came down to most social interactions, though he’d improved over time, especially as the ruler of a nation, his speeches were elegant and so was the way he negotiated with other kingdoms. 

And yet he struggled to talk to strangers.

Iroh seemed to be tired of this as well, he’d sent Zuko several letters in regards to his lack of romance, insisting that he was a “handsome young man” that had “lots of potential” and he was “wasting” his prime with so much work. Zuko didn’t consider managing a country as a waste, though he understood where Iroh was coming from, Zuko probably should’ve been spending time with friends, going to clubs. Not saving the world.

Regardless, there wasn’t much he could do about, he didn’t have time for dating, and Zuko wasn’t willing to compromise his morals and beliefs just for an heir in the event that he got brutally murdered. He refused to raise a child just for that purpose. He learnt the hard way that you should only have kids if you intend to cherish them. And the idea of marrying someone just to strengthen his nation felt wrong, though he could see the benefits.

God, he hated being Fire Lord sometimes.

On the other hand, Y/N L/N liked her job. Amongst the nobility of the Earth Kingdom, she was a rather famous woman, Y/N had brought together some of the most powerful couples in the country. A lot of people owed her favors, and the money that came with the job was more than satisfactory. If Y/N had to guess, she was one of the richest people in the kingdom, considering how much people were willing to pay to fine “the one.” Her business had been rather successful since she’d gotten renowned in the inner ring of the city, and now, Y/N was considering expansion, to the Fire Nation. The borders had long since reopened, when the new Fire Lord came into power.

A whole new set of nobles for her to profit from. 

She’d decided to head to a high end tea shop in celebration of her choice to expand her business. Y/N had heard it was only for the best, since the tea shop served the best. One of her clients had insisted that someone of her esteem try the tea there, given that she was the best in her own profession.

So, here she was. It was a nice place, she wouldn’t deny, and Y/N had heard of the shop before. The Jasmine Dragon, run by some old guy who’d appeared in Ba Sing Se just before the war ended with some major talent when it came to brewing tea. The interior was fancy, but not excessive, several people were already seated within. Y/N even recognized one of the couples there, who waved at her enthusiastically, “hello! Lady L/N, how lovely to see you!” One of them called out.

Y/N smiled at them, “how are you two?”

The other beamed at her as she responded, “oh we’re just lovely! Preparing our wedding invitations and one of them has your name on it.” This wasn’t abnormal, most of the couples she’d brought together attributed their love to her. In actuality, Y/N found that if you found two people with compatible personalities, then they’d work things out on their own. All she did was introduce them. 

“I’m excited!” Y/N assured, moving past their table, “now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to try this famous tea. But, I’m looking forward to the invite.” 

The pair nodded, before returning their attention the friends seated across from them, and Y/N made her way to the front of the shop, bag of coins in hand. An older man stood behind the counter, a smile on his face as he brought his attention to her, “what can I get you today Miss...”

“Y/N. Y/N L/N.” She replied, small smile on her face as she looked at the menu, “what’s your name?” Y/N asked, meeting his eyes to see the flicker of recognition within them before returning her gaze to the menu.

He nods slowly, “I’m Iroh, and you’re a matchmaker, no?” He’d recognized the name, her business had begun gaining traction amongst the nobility of the Earth Kingdom shortly after the war, and she was one of the most sought after matchmakers in the nation. Iroh himself had looked into her business, seeing as his nephew was yet to find love in his chaotic lifetstyle. 

Y/N smiled at him as she nodded, “indeed.” She placed the menu down, “any suggestions?”

“Perhaps, Jasmine tea?” He suggested.

Y/N nodded, “sounds good.” She places extends a hand with coins, dropping them into his palm, “so are you looking for love?” Though she was certainly famous for her skills, Y/N tended to work behind the scenes, and she was surprised to find this man recognized her.

A small laughed escaped him at her words as he shook his head, “no. I believe it is a little too late for that.” He was working on her tea beyond the counter, and Y/N began to wonder how he was steaming the tea pot when she noticed there was no stove beside him.

“Don’t say that! You seem like a fine man that anyone woman would want.” Y/N assured, though she now wondered why exactly this man knew who she was in the first place. It was rare for those outside of nobility to know who she was.

Turning around, his hand pressed to the pot that Y/N was positive had to have been burning his hand in some way, “oh, you’re too kind.” He replies, a small smile on his face as he poured a bit into a cup, “I was looking to help my nephew find love actually.” 

“Really, now?” Firebending, that was the only explanation for the way this man was handling the tea. “I was looking to expand my business to the Fire Nation, perhaps I could help him out.” He didn’t hold himself the way most Earth Kingdom citizens did, and coupled with the possible Firebending, he was likely from the Fire Nation.

Iroh raises a brow at this, “what gave me away?” He stirs the tea a few times, before placing it on the counter for her to take. 

Y/N shrugs, “it’s my job to know people well enough that I can find them a match.” Taking a sip of her tea, she smiles, “so this nephew of yours. He wouldn’t happen to nobility, would he?”

He laughs at this, pouring himself a cup of tea as well as he sighs, “actually, he is nobility. In a way.”

Now Y/N did not expect the nobility Iroh spoke of the be the nobility. As in the Fire Lord, the actual ruler of the entire nation, though this would certainly be great for business. Once the world hears of how Y/N found the Fire Lord, someone who had been notably difficult to woo apparently, a match, her business will be set. 

“Isn’t this exciting, guys?” Y/N exclaimed, looking to her assistants, they were both on the younger side, Marcella and Evelyn. She’d brought them along since this would definitely be a valuable learning experience, and Y/N figured she’d need a lot of help if the Fire Lord was as difficult as they made him out to be. That and Y/N didn’t want to leave them alone in the Earth Kingdom, both of them had been orphaned at a young age. Y/N couldn’t help but relate to them, so when she’d come upon her newfound wealth, brought about by her job as a matchmaker, she’d taken the pair under her wing. 

With a bag thrown over her shoulder, Evelyn simply nodded while Marcella exclaimed, “yes! I’ve always wanted to see the Fire Nation. Do you think we could find a client in one of the Water Tribes next?” 

Y/N couldn’t help but smile at the young girl’s excitement, “if this goes well? We’ll be able to find clients anywhere.” She wasn’t wrong, Y/N had never had the opportunity to work with the actual Earth King, the true ruler of the nation. Now she was working with the ruler of a nation she’d never stepped foot in, entirely new customs and traditions to research, a new social structure, new everything.

What a fun challenge.

With a smile on her face, Y/N followed closely behind Iroh, the palace was stunning, she couldn’t deny it. And compared to the crumbling infrastructure of the lower rings of cities like Ba Sing Se, Fire Nation cities were prospering Fire Lord Zuko’s rule. From what she’d heard, things weren’t always this way.

“Y/N and I are going to wait here,” he gestured to the open space before them, dozens of paintings within it, “these two will take you to your rooms.” He explained to the pair of young girls, nodding to the servants beside them, who began to guide the young girls away.

Y/N’s eyes found their way to the paintings, the newest one being of the current Fire Lord, Zuko himself. She wondered how accurate the painting was, and seeing as she would be meeting him soon, Y/N figured she’d find out as she sighed, turning to Iroh, “so how does the original heir to the throne become the owner of an infamous tea shop?” 

Iroh smiles to himself at her words, “age brings wisdom. And tea is a nice substitute for alcohol.” He jokes, though Y/N can see the pain in his eyes, along with admiration as he stares at Zuko’s portrait alongside her.

“Uncle!” A voice exclaimed, joy clear in his voice as he called out. Y/N watched as Iroh spun around, a broad smile on his face as he moved forwards to embrace the person.

He looked better in person, Y/N quickly decided, though the portrait did its job just as well. She wouldn’t deny he was attractive, but she already knew looks weren’t the issue. Iroh had informed her of the situation, Zuko’s constant rejection of any and every single person that approached him, and the stress he experienced because of the politics of it all.

“Nephew, it is good to see you,” Iroh said, releasing him from the hug, “how are you?” Initially he seemed fairly comfortable at the sight of just his Uncle, but as the Fire Lord’s body seemed to stiffen, Y/N realized she’d been spotted.

So, he wasn’t comfortable with strangers, “I’m alright Uncle... who is this?” He asked. There was an edge to his voice as he spoke, sizing Y/N up, not in the way you did for someone you were attracted to, but for an enemy.

Uncomfortable with new people, clear trust issues, and his mind was always alert. She’d have to write these things down and take them into consideration prior to finding him a potential partner. Though it was starting to look like he was completely unaware of her purpose there as she extended her hand out to him, “Y/N L/N. Professional matchmaker.” She explained with a bright smile, though, based off his personality, that would likely ward him off more.

He was polite though, shaking her hand despite his clear suspicions of her, “Zuko.” Y/N couldn’t help but raise a brow at this, he hadn’t mentioned his title in his introduction. Zuko turned to his Uncle, brows furrowing as he said, “you hired a professional matchmaker?”

With a shrug Iroh responded, “we met by chance! So, it must be destiny.”

Zuko gives him a tight lipped smile, nodding slowly before returning his attention to Y/N who stood away from the pair, examining the decor of the palace. It was minimalistic, truly basic if she was honest, despite the clear amount of riches they possessed, it lacked evidence of them. Bringing her eyes back to him, he spoke, “you don’t need to be here. You can receive your pay, but I personally see no purpose for a matchmaker.”

Iroh frowned at his words, “Zuko, you need to give it a chance! Unlike all those ladies who keep throwing themselves at you. Besides, she seems rather good at her job.” His gaze was on his nephew as he sighed, giving Y/N an apologetic look that she simply waved off.

“Oh, it’s fine. It just won’t be for long.” Zuko raised a brow at her words, and Y/N watched his feet shifted, “no need to prepare for a fight, your majesty.” She hummed, rolling her neck, in the corner of her eye she could see shock flash in his own. “You see, as a matchmaker I do several things, including developing a little... profile of my clients. Now we just met but I can already tell you a variety of things about you that’s making your love life rather trivial.” Even before she had to develop the profiles professionally, in the lower rings of Ba Sing Se, being capable of reading others was a necessary skill.

Zuko’s eyes narrowed at her, “and what have you determined, in the very short time we’ve known each other.”

A small laugh escaped her as she extended her arms and cracked her knuckles, “well. You have major trust issues, which is why you are desperately trying to keep me at arms length. That’s one reason why you have yet to find someone.” Turning her attention to the decor of the large room, Y/N closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “Given the lack of interior design, I would say you’re struggling with social aspects of your job, and you need a partner. One that I can help you find.” 

“See! I told you she’s good at what she does.” Iroh exclaimed, moving forward to clap a hand onto Y/N’s shoulder, much to Zuko’s dismay. 

Y/N gave the older man a small smile before looking back to Zuko, who eyed her wearily, “you keep avoiding the portrait of your father. But you can’t bring yourself to take it down.” She said, and Y/N could practically feel the tension building with each word. “He’s one of the reasons you’ve yet to find a lover-”

“Because he gave me the scar?” 

Y/N paused, brows furrowing at his words, her eyes found his, “I’m sorry, was that a joke?” She asked, and Iroh stared between the two, amused. “You’re actually rather attractive, which is why I know this is a personality thing. Probably tired of the whole fancy court thing they have going on here, which I’m going to need to research...” Y/N pursed her lips, failing to notice the clear shock on Zuko’s face at her comment, and red flushing his cheeks. Waving off her thoughts, she looked back to him, “anyways. My assistants should’ve already cleared out about an hour in your schedule each day for our sessions. I’m going to be asking you some very personal questions. So, be ready!” 

And with that, Y/N waved to the two, bowing rather questionably shortly after, before heading off in the direction she’d seen Marcella and Evelyn go in. Effectively leaving behind a baffled Zuko, and a rather satisfied Iroh, who began to laugh at Zuko’s reaction. “I really like her, quite the character she has.” 

“Yeah, quite the character.” He brought a hand to his temple, “is this really necessary, Uncle?” 

Iroh simply sighed, looking to his nephew, “whether you want to admit it or not, she was right. Ruling a nation is difficult, and ruling it alone is even harder.” A small huff of laughter escaped Iroh, “and she figured that out by your lack of interior design!” 

Exhaling deeply, Zuko reminded himself that this was all part of the job, the job that consumed his entire life. The life that this girl had analyzed in a matter of moments. 

Yeah, he wasn’t looking forward to their meetings.

Though his morals and his disagreement with practically selling your own child were a major factor in his lack of a love life. There was also the simple fact that there was no love in many of the interactions he had with potential suitors, much less genuine interest. They all wanted the power he could give them should they get married.

There was also the fact that Zuko had very little relationship experience, a fact he was trying to ignore. At the end of the day, he couldn’t bring himself to approach anyone, and if he did, he wouldn’t know what to do. Zuko also doubted that people would act... genuine around him, especially if they knew who he was. And all he really wanted was something real, considering his entire day was surrounded by fake smiles that belonged to both him and others.

It seemed that Y/N wasn’t prepared to ignore this piece of information though, since the following morning she’d seated him down and begun to speak of it, “so. You’ve been in two relationships.”

His brows furrowed, “one actually.” He and Mai had broken up about six months into his work as Fire Lord, “Mai.”

Raising a brow at him, she leaned back in the seat. Zuko couldn’t help but wonder how she managed to decorate the place in such a short period of time, as he could’ve sworn there hadn’t been a desk here the previous day. Then again, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d toured his own palace. “Well, I’ve heard rumors of you and a Southern Water Tribe member, but I’m not sure which one so I just-”

“Okay! That’s enough.” His cheeks were flushed red as he looked away.

Y/N grinned at him, leaning forwards, “then let’s discuss Mai. You two were pretty on and off, right?” 

Zuko grimaced at the thought, they were. He wouldn’t deny that he’d gone back to her a few times during his time as Fire Lord, “yeah.” 

Y/N began to write into her notebook, “tell me about her.”

“I don’t see why that’s important.” Came his response, looking at her quizzically as he frowned.

Tilting her head at him, Y/N gave Zuko a look, “come on. Let me do my job, I need to know about her to gauge what types of personalities you like while also determining why the two of you broke it off entirely.” She placed the book down, and Zuko could very clearly see the words ‘commitment issues’ underlined. “The goal isn’t just to find you a suitable wife that can help you rule, but someone you can be happy with.”

He’s silent for a moment, eyes on Y/N, her words seem honest. And this was her job, “she was blunt. Honest. Kind of mean at times, but she could be sweet as well. Pretty stoic, expressing her emotions was always... difficult for her.” 

Y/N nodded slowly, scribbling a few more things down, “okay. And what’s your favorite color?” 

“What type of question is that?” Zuko asked, brows furrowing in confusion. 

Crossing her arms, Y/N shrugged, “well. Favorite colors can tell you a lot about a person.” Came her response, “mine is green. Maybe that’s because I associate green with the Earth Kingdom, where I lived. Or maybe it’s because I happen to like nature quite a bit.” Looking around, Zuko could see that she’d already gotten a variety of plants native to the Fire Nation, most were succulents due to the almost year round heat.

At the mention of colors, his mind immediately went back to his first experience with the dragons, when their fire encircled him and Aang. “I.. don’t know how to describe the color- colors?” Zuko’s brows drew together in thought, and Y/N looked at him.

“How would I not understand a color?” The confusion is clear in her voice as she looks at him. Y/N can practically see the nostalgia in his eyes as he looks to the balcony.

Sighing, Zuko shifted in his seat, “these dragons I met ended up making a circle of fire around me and there were just... so many colors. But together it was just,” he paused, searching for the right word, “beautiful.”

Y/N’s mouth gaped open for a moment, “you met dragons?” She exclaimed, nearly throwing her notebook aside. Y/N had never seen such creatures, in fact, the general consensus was that they were still extinct

Zuko seemed to forget about this fact as he straightened himself, eyes meeting hers, “you can’t tell anyone about them!” He exclaimed, “they were hunted to extinction, though I intend to outlaw such things it’s just...” 

She nodded in understanding, “people break laws.” Y/N leaned back into her seat once more, “you owe me a dragon story.” She said, before crossing her legs in her seat and continuing, “favorite food?”

“Well, Aang took me to Avatar Day, and they had these weird Avatar shaped dough things.” He explained, recalling the time he’d gone with Aang and the others. Apparently they used to burn his statue, but now they worship him for some reason.

Y/N brought a hand under her chin, “I have no idea what that is.” She began to scribble something down on her notepad, “but okay.”

“What about you?”

Y/N hummed in response, “what do you mean?” 

Zuko felt his cheeks warm, “this just feels like an interview.”

“Probably because it is an interview.” Y/N said, gesturing for him to elaborate.

Looking away, Zuko frowned, “it’s weird.” Sighing, he spoke once more, “so, what’s your favorite food?” 

Y/N was silent for a moment, staring at Zuko, who was trying his hardest to avoid her gaze. This was a rare occurrence, seeing as most nobles were rather self-centered and liked talking about themselves. She’d never had a client who felt uncomfortable with this portion because it was basically a one-sided conversation. “Jennamite is a good rock candy.”

Zuko turns back to her, a small laugh escaping him, “my friends were nearly killed in Jennamite by the King of Omashu once.” 

“I’m sorry, what?”

ATTEMPT ONE

Y/N wouldn’t deny how odd it was, to be sharing as much information as she was learning about Zuko. She’d never really considered just how personal some of the questions were until she found herself answering them. But, after about a month, she had assembled a pretty good array of potential suitors for Zuko. Along with a few of her own clients, Y/N had found some girls that from the Fire Nation that seemed pretty acceptable.

That’s what she had thought at least.

“What do you mean, you already rejected her?” 

Turns out, Zuko had met half the women, and rejected them. The other half were either from the Earth Kingdom, or yet to attend one of few Galas that Zuko hosted. Seeing as he handed off most of that work to his advisors, it was rare for him to remain at Galas for an extended period of time. 

He grimaced at Y/N’s words nonetheless, his Uncle had informed her of his situation, but clearly not the extent of it. “She was more interested in her guard than me. It was a power grab her parents likely forced her into.” He remembered the girl, she’d been kind to him, but she clearly didn’t want him as much as her parents did.

His words brought about a new level of understanding for Y/N, who nodded slowly, of course it was the parents that Zuko had a problem with. It wasn’t uncommon for nobles to practically throw their children at potential suitors as though they’re a bag of coins. It was something that disgusted her as well, her job found people companions that they liked while these people simply wished for an addition to their power.

Zuko was the ultimate power grab. Y/N could only imagine how many times this had happened to him, random people he’d never met approaching him, offering their child’s hand in marriage. 

Bringing a hand to her temple, Y/N sighed, “but the rest are fine?” 

He nodded slowly, flipping through the pages he had yet to remove, Zuko skimmed what Y/N had written. Taking note of her handwriting, he wondered if she’d written his profile like this. “Yeah...” Y/N narrowed her eyes at him, and Zuko sighed, removing a few more pages from the binder she’d presented him with. 

Exhaling deeply, Y/N brought a hand to Zuko’s shoulder, “be honest with me. I’m not gonna yell at you for removing them Zuko, this is for you.”

Sometimes he forgot it was her job to be nice to him. 

“Right.” He mumbled, trying to shake off the feeling he got as she removed her hand. “That’s still... a lot of people. Some of which aren’t even in this nation.” Zuko pointed out, a queasy feeling within him as he looked at her.

Y/N plopped down onto the couch in the common room they’d met in, sprawling her body across it, “you’re right, there is a lot. But,” She twisted her body so that she could see him, wiggling her brows suggestively, “it’s been a while since you hosted a Gala.” 

Zuko’s face dropped at her words, in his years of being Fire Lord, he’d had about three total, and hated every single one. But given how rare the Galas were, people got pretty excited when he threw them. “I hate planning those, it’s a waste of time and-” 

A small smile was on her face as she interrupted him, “and you suck at planning them? I can tell by the decor of your palace.” Glaring at her, Zuko watched as she shifted so that her head hung off the couch upside down, “well. This will be the best Gala yet, you’ll impress all the ladies that you can’t meet in the immediate future in about...” Y/N looked to the watch on her wrist, brows furrowing, “eight months. And I’ll help you plan it, since you desperately need help-”

“Alright, I get it, I’m horrible.” He grumbled, crossing his arms as he leaned back against his seat across from her after placing the binder on the coffee table between them. “Eight months isn’t a lot of time,” traditionally, Gala’s took at least a year’s worth of planning and preparation, especially since Zuko was so busy he barely had the time to assist in the process. Eight months was no where near enough.

Y/N was still frowning at his words, “no self-deprecation.” She ordered, taking Zuko by surprise, before continuing, “regardless. I’ve planned Gala in less time with less resources. It’ll be fine.” Pursing her lips Y/N sighed, “now we need to discuss your inability to talk to people in general due to your immense trust issues and constant battle field mentality.” 

Zuko’s mouth gaped open at her words, “excuse me?”

Bringing her hands to rest on her stomach as she laid upside down, Y/N spoke, “when we first met you looked like you contemplated attacking me. And when you met Marcella and Evelyn, I’ve never seen someone so awkward.” Zuko is silent and looks away, only proving her point as Y/N continued, “so we need to practice your people skills, and flirting for future reference, seeing as your first date is in about a week-”

Almost immediately, Zuko straightened his posture, sitting up and looking to her as though she’d thrown a bucket of ice cold water onto him. “A week?” He winced at the way his voice cracked.

“Yeah, I spoke with one of the girls, not her parents, and asked her to meet with you later in the week.” Y/N explained, “her name is Elara, she’s in there.”

Frowning, Zuko reached for the binder and began to flip through the pages, “how’d you know I wasn’t going to get rid of her page?” Only to find the girl’s page, details on her personality, skills, hobbies and more on them.

A smirk spread across Y/N’s face, “she was one of few I was sure you’d keep.” With a sigh, Zuko looked back to Y/N, who still sat upside down, “now. You need to practice your romance skills, so come on.” She twisted her body, her legs falling to the side of the couch, and then moving onto the floor, Y/N stood. As the blood rushed to her head, a wave of dizziness came over her, and Y/N found herself stumbling slightly.

A hand came to her back and forearm, steadying her, “you need to practice walking.” Zuko laughed slightly, a nervous edge in his voice as he eyed her. 

Y/N brought a hand to her head as she laughed as well, “oh my...” Y/N blinked several times as the wave of dizziness passed, her hand gripping Zuko’s arm as she grounded herself. Looking up to him, she quickly realized how close they were and cleared her throat, releasing his arm.

He followed suit, removing his hands from her, “sorry-”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Zuko.” 

The look her gives her almost hurts. Because Y/N can see the shock within his eyes as he nods slowly in response. She wonders what he’s thinking of as he she gives him a tight lipped smile, clapping her hands together as she turns back to him, “practice.” She repeated, mostly for herself.

And maybe offering to be the person he practiced on was her first mistake. 

ATTEMPT FIVE

Y/N had learnt a lot about Zuko in the past four dates he’d been on. One of these things being the fact that Zuko was a wild card when it came to dates, and they seemed to either go very well with the girls contacting Y/N to let her know they wished for a second date, only for Zuko to reject the possibility. Or, they went very bad. And Zuko returned with some sort of drink splattered onto his clothing.

So, Y/N decided that the best course of action was to discover what exactly Zuko wasn’t mentioning, and to follow him with a disguise. Evelyn had suggested it, Iroh supported the idea full-heartedly, though Marcella had believed it would be a huge invasion of privacy, Y/N didn’t really care, seeing as it was her job to be involved in Zuko’s love life. She was getting paid to ensure he found love. 

And she was curious.

That’s how Y/N ended up dressed in some very suspicious Fire Nation clothing alongside her assistants and the apparent Dragon of the West, famous tea shop owner, and member of the royal family. 

What a wonderful assortment of people.

Marcella and Evelyn had separated from Iroh and Y/N, sitting in another booth across from them, it was a feeble attempt to keep them from sticking out. The girl had chosen a rather upscale restaurant, so dressing appropriately while also maintaining a look that prevented Zuko from recognizing them. 

Y/N pulled her hat further down on her face as she looked to Iroh, who was browsing the menu. She wouldn’t be shocked if he entered the kitchen just to make himself a ‘decent’ cup of tea. He’d been rather helpful during the whole process, anything she didn’t find out from Zuko, Y/N had learnt from Iroh. “See anything you like, Iroh?”

He smiled at her, nodding slowly, “I think I’ll just take some tea.” 

Looking to Marcella and Evelyn, Y/N smiles, the two are speaking with one another like they aren’t supposed to be spying on the Fire Lord. But Y/N doesn’t mind, this was more of a recreational activity anyways, and she was glad they were having fun. Since they’d gotten to the Fire Nation two months ago there had been an... adjustment period to put it simply.

Y/N nodded at Iroh’s statement, and her eyes fell back onto Zuko and his newest date, Amaya, she was a simple girl. She’d possessed organizational skills that Zuko lacked, planned dozens of events, had the expressive qualities that Zuko yearned for in a partner. Amaya was one of few that Y/N was sure Zuko would take a liking to. Especially since she also had training in a variety of fighting styles, and was quite the Firebender. She’d been a little skeptical when she first contacted Amaya, the girl seemed hesitant, but she agreed.

And from the looks of it, he had. The pair was laughing along with each other, but Y/N could see the way Zuko stiffened at any physical contact, in general he’d yet to relax. If Y/N was honest, it was basically like any first date, awkward.

Zuko didn’t really know how to feel about Amaya, she was what he should be looking for in a girl, everything he needed if he was honest. She had an interest in the art, something Zuko had never taken to and the main reason his palace looked, ‘dull’ as Y/N had put it. And she was expressive, the main issue he’d had with Mai was her lack of expression. But, for some reason, Zuko just couldn’t see her as anything more than a good friend. There was something... off about her.

“When that Earth Kingdom girl approached me, I was skeptical.” Amaya explained, taking a sip from her glass, “you know how most Earth Kingdom folk are...” She gave him a look as Zuko listened in confusion. “The Fire Nation citizens simply have more class.” Amaya settled for with a shrug.

Oh.

Zuko laughed nervously, “I’m not sure I understand. I find Earth Kingdom citizens pretty pleasant actually, and Y/N, the one you met, she’s actually very resourceful and kind.” His mind went to Toph as well, who had invented an entirely new type of bending. She was an impressive young woman from the Earth Kingdom, and Y/N was as well, she’d started her own business at a young age and turned it into something incredible.

“Really? She didn’t seem too smart when I met her, but who can say no to a meeting with the Fire Lord?” 

Zuko was pretty sure her words were meant to be taken as a joke. But Amaya wasn’t the first person Zuko had encountered with this mindset, she was just more subtle about it. The supremacy of the Fire Nation was still an idea that ran rampant in some people’s minds, though Zuko had dealt with most disputes regarding his peaceful relations with other nations. Many still missed the time when the Fire Nation practically owned the world, where Fire Nation citizens could treat the people who had their homes taken from them however they pleased.

It was a dark time in his nation’s history, nonetheless, several people missed it. This was something rather prevalent amongst Nobles though, they were the ones who lost an immense amount of land when the war had ended. Many of them were bitter about what had happened. 

If Zuko was honest, she’d probably had these ideas drilled into her since birth, and simply hadn’t grown out of them, which was a shame. But as the ruler of a nation, he couldn’t rule beside someone who looked down on others simply because they weren’t from the Fire Nation.

Zuko shook his head, “Y/N built her business from the ground up. And now she’s helping the Fire Lord get dates.” He knows he sounds defensive, as though he’s prepared to fight her, something his Uncle would likely scold him for, but he doesn’t care at the moment.

“All she does is set you up with people.” 

Zuko’s brows furrowed at this comment, and he raised a hand to get the attention of the waiter, “excuse me, could I get the check please?” The young man nodded, heading off to get the check, and Amaya looked at him incredulously. 

Y/N had done far more than set him up with people, she’d helped him begin planning a Gala, she’d tried her best to find a good assortment of people that would fit both Zuko’s needs and the Fire Nation’s, and that list was probably very difficult to narrow down. Zuko had seen the work she put in for formulating profiles of the potential suitors, and throughout all of it she had done nothing but support him. 

“What are you doing?” Amaya asked, shifting in her seat as she stared at Zuko quizzically.

The waiter came over and handed Zuko the check, and Zuko placed a pouch of money on the table, “thanks. Keep the change.” He explained, nodding to the boy, who’s mouth gaped open in surprise as he took the pouch of money, bowing to Zuko repetitively, though Zuko wasn’t paying much attention to him as he spoke to Amaya. “I don’t think this is going to work out, I’m sorry.”

Amaya is still seated in shock as Zuko rises from his table, and Y/N can’t help it when her mouth gapes open at the sight of him simply abandoning his date. She makes eye contact with Iroh, who raises a brow, and they both sit up. She moves to follow Zuko, only to bump into someone. 

“I’m so sorry!” Y/N exclaims, moving down to help them pick up their hat, that had fallen when they collided.

“No, that was my fault entirely!” He responds, shaking his head as they both leaned town to pick it up.

“Aang, come on! He’s leaving.” The woman behind him exclaims.

Y/N’s brows furrow in recognition as she looks up to see a blue arrow tattooed on the man’s head, and her eyes widen in realization. Zuko had described Aang several times during their conversations, he and the rest of his friends came up often. But Y/N did not expect the first time she met the Avatar and his friends to be when they were both following Zuko on his date.

ATTEMPT FOURTEEN

Y/N simply sighs as she opens her door to see Zuko, in the outfit she’d helped him pick out. “What was it this time?” He’d been on thirteen dates thus far, and Y/N was slowly realizing that Zuko was likely one of her most difficult clients. This was purely because he’d yet to get a second date, though there had been offers, Zuko had declined all of them. 

“She was just-” His hands gestured rather broadly, he was practically throwing them into the air, “she was so rude to the waiter.” This had always been a dealbreaker for him, since he’d worked as a waiter in two different tea shops, Zuko had come to understand the importance of treating a waiter with kindness and how difficult the work could be. 

His eyes dart between Y/N and her door, she’s rubbing her eyes due to the exhaustion and Zuko can’t help the guilt that floods him. Nonetheless, she opens the door wider, heading inside her room and signaling for him to close it as she falls back onto her bed. “You were a waiter once, yeah?” He’d told her a fair share about his life in the Earth Kingdom, she’d inquired quite a bit about that part of his life. 

He asked about her life in the Earth Kingdom too, and she’d told him how poor life could be the in the outer rings, something he’d experienced for himself. Zuko listened as she describe living after her parents had died, working for a matchmaker only to discover she was actually good at the job, making a name for herself in the outer rings and then making her way inwards until she was one of the most sought after matchmakers in the kingdom. Y/N spoke of how she’d met Marcella and Evelyn, and how she’d taken them in when she’d discovered they were both orphans, living on the streets as pickpockets.

Zuko wouldn’t help but laugh at this, he could imagine Evelyn as a pickpocket, but Marcella? She was a sweet girl, he couldn’t imagine her in a life of crime. Of course, desperation made people do questionable things. Zuko knew that much from experience. 

“Yeah, I was.” Came his response, taking a seat in the chair by her desk. 

Y/N sat up in her bed, bracing herself with her elbows as she raised a brow at him, “what are you doing?”

Zuko frowned, shifting in the chair, “sitting...?” He moved to get up but Y/N waved him off.

“Just lay with me, idiot.” She allowed her head to fall back onto the bed, patting the spot beside her. Clearly, her suggestion wasn’t bothering her, but Zuko felt his face flush at the possibility.

If he’s honest, he’s not even trying anymore when it comes to dates and women and love. There were three reasons for this, one of which was the fact that he simply wasn’t connecting with any of the women he had met thus far. Sure they were nice, and they probably would be his type has it not been for reason two. The fact that Zuko had realized he had feelings for Y/N, what feelings? He wasn’t sure, but they sure as hell weren’t platonic, if they were he would not be blushing this much. He wouldn’t get that weird feeling in his stomach whenever he spoke to her.

Then there was was reason three, if Zuko succeeded in finding love, then Y/N would leave. It was selfish, but he already knew he wouldn’t find anyone considering he pretty sure he loved someone else already. So now, Zuko was basically procrastinating letting Y/N know that this just wasn’t going to work out, mostly because he didn’t have a plan.

He was debating just firing her, but that likely wouldn’t go over well, and he wanted to see her business succeed. If you get fired by the Fire Lord, that just looks bad. Now Zuko wondered what the best way to go about this was, since there was no point in working for him, even if she was getting paid. He was a waste of time. 

He couldn’t help the smile graced his lips as his own thoughts reminded him of the time she’d scolded him, telling him to quit being self-deprecating. 

Zuko sat up from the chair, making his way over to her bed, Zuko found himself simply plopping down onto it face first, earning a laugh from Y/N.

He rolled over onto his back, turning to look at Y/N, only to find her eyes were already on him, bringing a blush to his cheeks as he mumbled, “what?”

“I’m just trying to figure out why you haven’t gotten a second date yet.” Came her response, propping herself up on her forearm. “You have a nice personality, you’re attractive, I’m sure at least one of the girls caught your eye.” Y/N sighed, running a hand through her hair as she began to wonder if she’d incidentally allowed her own feelings to get in the way of her work. Maybe that’s why this was going so badly.

This was a problem. 

Zuko simply shook his head, his face on fire as he listened to her words, though he couldn’t help the hand he brought to the scar on his face. Y/N had pointed out before that he was allowing his Father to control his actions even now that he was imprisoned, and Zuko was beginning to see what she meant. 

Removing his hand from his face, Zuko sighed. Though he didn’t have much time to dwell on his thoughts as her hand hesitantly came to his face, placing a hand on his cheek and allowing her thumb to brush against the scar. Zuko jumped at the sudden contact, and Y/N moved to withdraw her hand almost instantly, but Zuko’s hand came to hers and held it there. Looking to her, he couldn’t read the look in her eyes as she gazed at him, and suddenly he wished he was as good at reading people as she was. 

“No self-deprecating thoughts.” Y/N mumbled, “bad Zuko.” She removed her hand from his to flick his head, causing his brows to furrow.

He pouted, and Y/N let out a laugh as he spoke, “how come you haven’t found someone?” Zuko looked to her, “you’re beautiful, and smart, and just... perfect.” He didn’t notice when her cheeks warmed, “you’re a literal matchmaker, surely you’ve considered who your perfect person is.” 

Y/N fell onto her back, running her hands over her face as she shook her head, “how have you not gotten a second date?” A sigh escaped her, “I haven’t had time for love before, and I just haven’t found that,” looking to him, she pursed her lips, “perfect person.” Growing up in the lower rings, she didn’t have time for an actual relationship, and her business as a matchmaker grew incredibly quickly. At the end of the day, long term just didn’t work out, Y/N barely had for herself, much less another person.

“I guess we both suck at love.” Zuko said, his tone was serious and Y/N couldn’t help but burst out into laughter as she swatted at his chest.

Too bad they couldn’t suck at love together. 

ATTEMPT SEVENTEEN THROUGH TWENTY EIGHT

Smoothing over her green dress, a sign of her citizenship in the Earth Kingdom, Y/N moved to answer the knock on her bedroom door. Given how long she’d been in the Fire Nation, Y/N wondered if the Earth Kingdom would still feel like home when she returned. The idea of going back felt odd, and though that time likely wasn’t soon unless Zuko met the love of his life tonight, it was inevitable.

And it horrified her. 

Holding the edge of the dress slightly to make it easier to walk, Y/N sighed and opened the door, seeing Zuko. A small smile on her face as she eyed his Fire Nation robes, “you look nice.” She complimented, tilting her head at him as she allowed her eyes to travel over his figure.

Zuko nodded, a blush coming over her cheeks, his mouth gaping open as he looked at Y/N. “You look beautiful.” She did, the dress looked amazing on her, her hair styled just right, and bracelets adorning her wrists.

“Thank you, Fire Lord Zuko.” His nose crinkled at the use of his title, coming from her it felt even weirder, wrong almost. But she continued, “mind helping me out?” She asked, moving back to her desk and taking a necklace in hand. Y/N had been struggling to put it on for the past few minutes, and now she had someone to do it for her.

He nodded, closing the door behind him, he took the necklace from her hand, and when Y/N ensured her hair was out of his way, Zuko brought the necklace around her neck. He secured the clasp, hands lingering as he adjusted it to the center of her neck. Zuko couldn’t help but notice a small scar on her shoulder, hand brushing over it.

Y/N looked over her shoulder and to him, brow raised, “how’d you get this?” He asked, brows drawn together. His hand traced the raised skin gently, Y/n could feel her cheeks warming at his touch, inhaling deeply. 

She grimaced, “a knife fight I almost lost my life to.” Was her explanation. Y/N didn’t like to think back to the days when she’d resorted to several... questionable actions to stay alive. But she pushed those thoughts away as she turned to face him. “You ready?” Y/N asked, they had to get to the Gala soon, considering the fact that Zuko was the host, Y/N was shocked he’d even stopped by her room in the first place.

Zuko was silent, simply nodding as he extended his arm for her to take. And Y/N did, looping her arm around his as she smiled, “you are gonna woo so many Earth Kingdom women tonight!” Y/N exclaimed, more confidence in her voice than Zuko had.

Shame the only Earth Kingdom girl he wanted to ‘woo’ was her.

When they’d arrived at the Gala, descending the stairs together, they were greeted with the claps of the other guests. Zuko would feel the anxiety flood him, but he paid it no mind. Though Y/N could feel the way he stiffened as he ended his speech to the diplomats of all nations, “let this be a peaceful, and joyous night!” 

They all burst out into cheers before the party continued, the music starting once more, and everyone returning to feasting upon the buffet, dancing along the ballroom floor or speaking with one another. All while Y/N led Zuko down the stairs, dragging him by the hand, “come on. Enjoy your own party, meet some girls.” She winked, and Zuko swore his face heated up even more than it already had. 

Y/N wasn’t a fool, she knew that if she’d stuck by his side the entire night, she would serve as a repellant of any potential suitors. So naturally, much to Zuko and Y/N’s dismay, she removed herself from him, playfully shoving him towards a group of Earth Kingdom girls she’d mentioned earlier. Though there were several other clusters in the ballroom.

Zuko simply sighed, giving Y/N a small smile before making his way to the group of girls. If he was honest, he would rather be spending the Gala by her side, but he had to put in some effort. He owed Y/N that much. Besides, this was an entirely new group of girls, maybe he would find someone tonight. 

“Hi there.” Zuko greeted, waving awkwardly at the girls. 

This action earned him a few laughs, and he was unsure if they actually found it funny or felt the need to laugh since he was the Fire Lord. Shortly after they began introducing themselves, speaking like there was no tomorrow. 

If Zuko was honest, the number of women here was overwhelming. So, as he excused himself from the conversation, much to their chagrin, he placed his cup down on the platter of one of many waiters. Making his way outside, Zuko couldn’t help but feel relieved at the fresh air that hit him on the balcony. Though he contemplated heading back inside when he noticed another girl was already there, eyes shut as she faced the sky, she turned to see him, eyes widening a fraction. “I’m sorry, I can go-”

“No!” She exclaimed, cheeks flushing in embarrassment due to her outburst, “no... it’s fine.” She turned back to look at the sky, hand clasped together, fidgeting.

Zuko stepped forward, finding himself situated across from her, leaning against the railing, “so why are you out here?”

A small laugh escaped the girl, and she ran a hand through her hair, “it’s rather stress relieving. You have a lovely view in your palace.” 

He couldn’t help but feel disappointed when he realized she recognized him, though Zuko nodded along, “what’s your name? If you don’t mind me asking?” It was a stupid question, and Zuko nearly facepalmed as he pursed his lips.

“Aileen.” Came her response, and Zuko realized he recognized her name as well. She was the child of one of the more well known members of Fire Nation nobility, her parents had approached him in the past in hopes of arranging a marriage between the two of them. He had declined almost immediately. And now that Aileen turned to him, he had a feeling he made the right decision, “you’re Zuko, right?” 

He exhaled deeply, nodding, “that’s me.” Sometimes, Zuko wondered what his life would’ve been like if he wasn’t Zuko, perhaps things would’ve been simpler. No, things definitely would’ve been simpler. There would be no diplomatic meetings, no wars, no idiots trying to hurt other people, no more assassination attempts, no more fake smiles and no more Galas. Of course, if he wasn’t Zuko, he never would’ve met Y/N.

“I heard you’re looking for a partner in crime.” Aileen prompted, “why aren’t you in there finding that future love of your life?” 

Shrugging, Zuko looked up at the sky, “I found her. She just doesn’t want me.”

He can feel Aileen stare at him, she’s silent for a moment, and Zuko wonders what she’s thinking. Though he doesn’t need to wait long to find out as she responds, “I understand.” Aileen focuses her gaze on the glass she’d placed on the thick railing of the balcony, “the person I love probably doesn’t love me back. And even if they did, my parents disapprove.”

“Did you ask?” He felt hypocritical, Zuko himself had never spoken with Y/N in regards to his feelings, and he likely never would, but he wanted to know. “If they love you?”

Aileen laughs slightly, shaking her head, “I couldn’t bring myself to. I’m scared.” She replied, looking back to him curiously, “did you?”

“No.” He responded lamely, tapping his fingers against the railing with a sigh.

Aileen laughed at this, “I guess we are both cowards then.” She pursed her lips, “I didn’t ask because I was scared, why didn’t you?”

And then the words come spilling out, “whoever I end up with will greatly impact the whole world, whether I want to acknowledge it or not. And she doesn’t deserve that burden, nobody does.” He laughs bitterly as he continues, “she’s also the person that was hired to help me find love in the first place.” Zuko pauses, looking away from Aileen, “and I guess I’m scared too.”

“Ironic.” Aileen mumbles, bringing her eyes back to the sky, “let’s make a deal, Your Majesty.” 

Zuko cringes at the use of that title, almost asking her to simply refer to him by his name, though he simply responds, “what deal?”

“We both confess. And if it goes horribly wrong, we can get married.” 

Y/N can’t see the shock on Zuko’s face, but she can see how comfortable he feels with this girl, Y/N hadn’t seen her before, but she was just happy Zuko was connecting with someone. Except she also wasn’t, a bitter feeling enveloping her as she turned away, looking for something else to focus her attention on, something that didn’t hurt. 

She turned to see Marcella and Evelyn in the distance, speaking with each other. Y/N supposed if she wouldn’t be finding love tonight, then at least they would. She was no fool, she saw the way they looked at each other, the glances when the other wasn’t looking. Maybe it was dumb, but Y/N found herself feeling jealous as she moved over to the buffet with a sigh. Food solved everything in her experience, after a client had a particularly bad day, food made things better.

“Perhaps some tea?” Iroh stood beside her, a kettle in his hand, he had insisted he serve tea at the Gala, though Zuko had assured him it would be just as easy to find someone else to do the job.

Y/N smiled at him, nodding as she took a cup from the array of them within the buffet, allowing Iroh to pour her some tea. “Thank you, Iroh.” Her voice is quieter than normal, and it’s clear that Iroh can tell something is wrong.

“You know, you deserve to be happy to Y/N.” His words catch her by surprise, though she doesn’t have much time to consider their meaning before flames lighting the room begin to move erratically, causing her brows to furrow.

Something was wrong. 

Iroh nods to her, placing the tea kettle down as his brow furrow and she nods back, Iroh disappearing into the crowd of people. Y/N’s eyes fall back to Marcella and Evelyn, and she quickly moves to their side of the room, ignoring the hush that had fallen over the room, panicked gasps amongst them. Her hands fall onto both girl’s arms as she nods to them, “Y/N, whats going-”

Y/N is already dragging them in the direction of the exit, “get out of here, find the guards. I’m going to find Zuko.” The girls didn’t have much time to argue, as Y/N was already working her way through the panicked crowd, back to the balcony where she’d last seen Zuko. But, people were already pushing against her movements, making it difficult. Raising her head above the crowd in an attempt to see what’s going on, Y/N realizes whats happening. 

Firebenders were trying to force them together, and Y/N couldn’t help but panic as she wondered if Marcella and Evelyn managed to escape and find the guards. 

This was an ambush.

No, this was an assassination attempt. Zuko already knew as he watched the atmosphere of the party begin to shift, that and the person who stood before him in all black, brandishing several weapons. Alongside four others who stood by her side. 

“You know, it wasn’t until I met you that I realized how bad it had gotten.” Aileen stood beside Zuko, eyes meeting his in horror as they exchanged looks. Zuko simply hoped the nod he gave her provided some semblance of comfort as he returned his attention to the person before him. “I mean, defending some lowly Earth Kingdom matchmaker? What type of career even is that?” 

Her voice is almost maniacal, and Zuko can’t help but wince as he feels reminded of his sister. But he recognizes it nonetheless, Amaya. It had been months since he’d seen her, but he could still remember her voice. Her face was covered by a mask, and she wielded a sword, and if Zuko remembered correctly, she had been trained in dozens of fighting styles and was a talented bender herself. Alongside the four other men, Zuko couldn’t help but panic internally as he spoke, “Amaya, why don’t you put the swords down, and we talk about this.”

She laughs in response, ripping the mask that covered her face off and throwing it aside, “people have tried to talk to you about this. Your-” She grappled for the word, a hand yanking at her hair as she gestured to him with a sword, “your radical ideas!” 

Zuko didn’t find having morals radical, but he wasn’t going to say that, not while Aileen’s life was on the line. Zuko suddenly realized why having an heir was important as he shook his head, “Amaya, look. Why don’t you let Aileen here leave, and then you and I can talk.” 

Aileen looks like she’s going to protest, but Amaya glances at her red robes, a sign of her Fire Nation citizenship, and gestures for her to leave. “Get out. My problem isn’t with you.” 

When Aileen doesn’t move, Amaya quickly grows frustrated, calling out to one of the guards she’d brought along that lied inside, “take this fool away.” 

There’s no response, and Zuko can see panic flood Amaya’s face. And looking behind her, he quickly realizes that most of the guards have been subdued, Y/N holding one of them in her arms as she knocks them to the ground. Moving towards the balcony stealthily as Amaya’s hands begin to shake, fire sparking in her palms as she focused her attention onto Zuko. “You’re going to pay for what you’ve done to our nation.” 

But Zuko wasn’t looking at her as he shook his head, hoping Y/N would understand. There was no way she could overpower Amaya, not with her bending. Y/N didn’t even have a weapon.

Now, Y/N knew for a fact that no matter how talented Zuko was, he wouldn’t put the girl beside him in danger. His priority would be keeping her alive, and given the training Amaya had as a noble, in both Firebending and fighting, she might even be as good as Zuko in a fight.

Meaning she had to be taken out of the fight.

Everything happened pretty fast after that. Zuko was shielding body coming forward to shield Aileens as he extended his freehand to Firebend at the people who’d surrounded them, only for Amaya to move out of the way. The girl was practically screaming bloody murder as she lunged at him, now wielding her sword. 

Zuko didn’t have to figure out what to do next because Y/N moved faster than Amaya did, tackling the girl over the railing and down below as he began to scream. 

THE FINAL ATTEMPT

Zuko’s knee is bouncing rapidly as he sits beside Iroh, who knits a scarf of some sort despite the blistering heat of the Fire Nation. He’s insisted that when Y/N returned to the Earth Kingdom she’d need it, and Zuko didn’t have the heart to disagree. Iroh had started stress-knitting about four hours ago, when Y/N had entered the room they all sat before, anxiously awaiting news of her condition.

Marcella and Evelyn are to Zuko’s left, Marcella’s sobs had quieted down, but Zuko wouldn’t be shocked if he looked over and saw tears silently streaming down her face. The girl hadn’t taken it well. Evelyn remained composed, doing her best to comfort Marcella, but the wait was clearly getting to her as well as she fidgeted with Marcella’s hands.

Seeing as Y/N had fallen from several stories up off the balcony and into the water below, Zuko didn’t really think it was possible to take the news well. But he was trying. 

A pang sounded from inside the room, and Zuko practically shot up onto his feet, moving to knock on the door to discover was was wrong, only for Iroh to grab his wrist, shaking his head. Zuko exhaled deeply, beginning to pace across the hall. He found himself wishing that Katara hadn’t been busy with Water Tribe business, she was an excellent healer. Alas, Katara wasn’t there, and Zuko had to settle for one of the skilled Water Tribe diplomats instead, alongside a few others skilled in medicine. 

As he paced, Zuko could feel Evelyn’s eyes on him, and it became clear she was itching to speak and he sighed, “what’s wrong?” There were dozens of answers to this question, the main one being the fact that Y/N could die today, so he hoped she understood what he meant.

The girl is glaring at him, and Zuko can’t help but feel uneasy. Because maybe she blames him for this as much as he blames himself, and maybe she’s going to tell him off, blame him for everything. Because if Y/N dies, she and Marcella will have no one again. 

Not that Zuko would allow that. He’d grown attached to the girls as well, they were kind, and helpful. They’d help improve the interior decor of the palace, and if he was honest, it looked better than anything he ever could’ve done.

“You better tell her how you feel after this.”

Zuko’s mouth gapes open at the girl’s words, and he swears the breath leaves his longs, and its as though everything hits him then. 

He would never get to tell Y/N how he felt if she died. He’d never get to listen to her try and tell a story just to go off on dozens of tangents, he’d never get to watch as she attempted to cook again, and he’d never get to hold her in his arms once more. There would be no more late night talks, and he wouldn’t hear her laugh, she wouldn’t tease him anymore and they wouldn’t walk through the courtyard feeding turtleducks again.

She’d never know he loved her.

Zuko finds himself nodding to Evelyn’s words, frozen in place as he looks to her and asks, “was I that obvious?” His voice is hoarse, and its probably because he didn’t stop screaming, even when Y/N’s body hit the water. 

Marcella is laughing at his words, blowing her nose into a tissue that Evelyn hands her before she speaks, “painfully obvious.”

“For someone who’s job revolves around love, Y/N is one of the most oblivious people I’ve ever met.” Evelyn grumbles out, rubbing her eyes as she yawns.

It was late, Zuko knew that much, the guests of the party had gone to the infirmary in the palace, being tended to by doctors and any other available healers if injured. Otherwise, they’d all returned to their rooms to sleep, or more likely stay up in fear of another attack. Zuko surely would.

“Go to bed guys, it’s getting late.” 

Evelyn looks at him like he’s one of the dumbest people she’s met, and if Zuko was honest, he probably was. But he simply nodded to Marcella, who had started leaning her head against Evelyn’s shoulder, eyes fluttering shut. “Uncle, why don’t you take them back to their rooms?”

Considering the fact that Zuko’s guards were around the corner, he wasn’t scared for his safety, but their presence just made him want to remain awake. 

“Nephew, you should sleep as well.” His Uncle replied, though he rose from his seat, bringing the yarn and the start of the scarf under his arm. 

Zuko gave his Uncle a smile, “I will. But if anything happens before then, I’ll be sure to alert you all.” He assured, nodding to Evelyn, who eyed him wearily. But she relented, shaking Marcella gently before standing up alongside her and Iroh. 

When they were out of sight, Zuko plopped back down in the seat, his elbows resting on his knees as he brought his hands to his face.

And for the first time in the night he cried, his body racked with sobs as tears streamed down his face and he struggled to breathe. The pain of all that had happened felt almost unbearable. She had to live. Y/N had to live. Because Zuko was going to confess. 

His fear of losing her outweighed his fear of rejection.

Wiping his tears away, Zuko suddenly felt grateful that Evelyn had left the box of tissues as he blew his nose. He sighed, his eyes piercing the door, hoping that something would happen.

As though his stare had willed her to exit the room, the healer came out, a grimace on her face as she looked to Zuko, likely because of his bloodshot eyes. The woman simply sighed, the grimace becoming a more sympathetic look. “Miss L/N lost a lot of blood... several of her bones were broken when she hit the water, especially her ribs. Her internal organs were damaged as well and... well it wasn’t very likely for her to survive.”

She’s dead.

Y/N is dead.

Oh.

“Wow, you look like a mess.” 

Zuko’s head whips up, his eyes meeting Y/N’s, she’s leaning against a wooden crutch, grinning lazily at him. The healer beside her looks rather apologetic as she frantically explains, “she woke up far quicker than we anticipated and only agreed to rest if we participated in her rather cruel prank.”

So, she wasn’t a ghost.

Zuko launches himself up from the chair, nearly tackling Y/N, but the wooden crutch she uses for support serves as a reminder of her fragile state as he asks, “can I hug you?”

Her smile falters at the sound of his voice, hoarse and jagged, so she simply extends are free arm outward. Zuko takes this as an invitation for a hug, gently wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his head in her neck, Y/N wrapped her free arm around his neck, hand finding its way to the hair at the nape of his neck. “Im s-”

“It’s not your fault Zuko. I swear if you say its your fault I will throw myself over the balcony again.” She threatened, hand tightening in his hair.

Zuko laughs quietly, inhaling deeply before he speaks again, “please never do that again.” 

“I make no promises.”

Sighing, Zuko releases her, “I hate you so much.” 

Y/N scoffed, “you love me.” She was limping over to the bed in the middle of the room, blood coating the surrounding area. Though the doctors in the room were moving across the room that they’d placed Y/N on, and dealt with her injuries on, Zuko couldn’t help but feel sick at the sight.

She could’ve died.

“Yeah, I do.”

Y/N pauses, turning to look back at him, her mouth gapes open. Zuko’s looking away, eyes on anything but her as he inhales deeply.

The healer simply sighs, “before we do this, I should inform the two of you that Miss Y/N cannot do any... strenuous activities for at least one month.”

Zuko’s cheeks are flushing red as he shakes his head rapidly, “ma’am-”

“We’ll be taking our leave. Have fun, but not too much fun. Please.” The woman closes the door behind her once the other doctors are out of the room, and Y/N can’t stop laughing at the mortified expression on Zuko’s face, despite the sharp pain she feels in her ribs.

Taking a seat on the fresh sheets of the bed, Y/N sighs, “so you love me?” She’s picking at the sheets, “as a friend?”

Zuko suddenly realizes just how right Evelyn was as he slowly shakes his head, “no. More than a friend. I think I inadvertently sabotaged half of the dates you sent me on because of it.”

Y/N laughs quietly, eyes falling on Zuko only to see he’s looking anywhere but her, she calls out to him quietly, “Zuko. Look at me.”

He doesn’t hesitate to bring his gaze to her, eyes meeting hers as he begins to fidget with his hand. Y/N simply reaches her hand out, and he takes it. “I love you too, idiot.” She mumbles, pulling him closer and wrapping her arms around his waist. “I just wish you had told me sooner so I didn’t waste so much time trying to set you up with other women.” 

A small laugh escapes him as he brings his hand to her hair, “how do I know you weren’t purposely giving me bad matches because you were in love with me?” 

Y/N removes her head from his stomach, looking up at him, her nose crinkles, “unlike you, I am a professional.” Zuko flicks her forehead, and Y/N pouts at him, hand coming up to his face, “can I kiss you?”

She can feel his face warm, but he nods rather enthusiastically nonetheless, and Y/N finds herself smiling at his as she uses her hands to pull his face downward towards her. His lips meet hers, and Zuko finds himself feeling complete, hands coming to Y/N’s face in an attempt to pull her closer while hers move to his ball up his robes that he’d yet to change.

 Zuko pulls away first, forehead resting on hers, “you need to sleep.” 

Y/N scoffed, eyes narrowing at him, “you need to sleep.” Looking to the bed, she raises a brow at him, “wanna lay with me?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, I could accidentally injure you or-”

Rolling her eyes, Y/N yanks him onto the bed, making her way to the other side and getting comfortable, “I’ll be fine.”

Yeah, everything would be fine. Maybe not for the Fire Nation, seeing as Y/N would potentially help rule a nation but...

Everything would be fine.

in·am·o·ra·ta/iˌnaməˈrädə/

noun

a woman with whom one is in love or has intimate relations.

A/N: i hope this was good enough!!! i tried!!! and idk how it ended up over 12k... that’s crazy man um kjhdsajfhjkah omg i really liked this concept though i hope i did it justice

TAGLISTS [lmk if you want to be added or removed via askbox or replies]

ATLA: @bubblebars​ @jada-cleo​ @Art-flirt @the-deli-meat​ @wemissyou3000​ @ajediherowitchrunner​

ZUKO: @outerxorbit @shawkneecaps @lil-lex1 @boxofteenageideas @izzieserra @eridanuswave @bigbuckyenergy @celamoon @savemesteeb @shephard17895 @ijustwannabecanadian @duh-dobrik @anime-simp @lammello  

[theminecraftbee]

hello

Apologies if the ask box is not the correct place to talk about the stuffed bird fic, also this is gonna be long and apologies for that too

But I have so many questions and thoughts

First of all, kudos to you for writing such a great fic, like holy crap, the characterization and everything are *chefs kiss*

I’m about to spout a bunch of questions that I’m not really expecting to get answers for, but need to put somewhere

But also I’m wondering why Grian specifically was able to become somewhat coherent? Is it just because Mumbo knew him before and was able to talk to him?

I also keep thinking for some reason that if Grian were to drink some of Mumbo’s blood then he could possibly return to his human state since mumbo’s immune? Idk id that checks out lol

Also every time you mentioned what they did for work I became more concerned and confused, especially about who Grian was as a person lol

Is Mumbo’s immunity hereditary? If it’s hereditary and dominant then at least one of his parents could still be alive right? Also I’m dying to know if Iskall and Zedaph are alive, and I love how Mumbo and X just have a slightly-coherent bird dinosaur following them around now

Was this a worldwide apocalypse type thing, or just in whatever country they’re in?

Thank you so much for this fantastic fic, I will be thinking about it and rereading it for a while

i'll answer this one rapid-fire, it's been sitting here because i needed to post the grian meta, lol. uh, let's see, let's go, most of these have relatively short or matter-of-fact answers under the cut.

grian became coherent exactly because of what you said - because he was able to recognize mumbo through the fact that they were once close friends and hang onto just enough of himself to remember a little from there. (sometimes, one person making an effort is all it takes.)

grian drinking mumbo's blood wouldn't cure him. it is an ambiguous possibility, however, that x's supposition about taking mumbo's blood to make some kind of cure could work. neither x nor mumbo know enough about the biology to be able to say whether it would, though, which is a bit of why x's plan was sort of dumb.

"who was grian as a person" i have a whole meta post about not saying anything on that subject. concorp was sure shady though. wonder what they were employing intelligence assets for?

mumbo's immunity is PROBABLY genetic? i had not gone into detail on how exactly it worked other than "it is an inherent trait of the mumbo". it is entirely possible he has family alive! it's also entirely possible he does not! in the context of the fic the likelihood he sees them again is pretty low though!

iskall and zedaph are. hm. okay the thing is most of the hermits are ambiguous post-fic. i have some ideas of pre-fic or even early during the fic, but post-fic their fates are intentionally ambiguous. iskall is an assassin, so you'd think he'd end up fine, but then again, grian and xisuma are presumably somewhat competent as well. as for zedaph... well, we really don't know. he worked for concorp, though, for whatever good or ill that does him.

the apocalypse is worldwide! oh dear.

and i'm glad you liked it! :DDD

[dodo-begone]

Now Listen Here Sad Bitches - Stop Being Sad

Pairing: Yan!Xisuma x Reader (idk if it's rlly yan tbh)

Request: If you’re up to it can I get yandere nHo hcs? Bc I’m desperate for nHo content, But if you don’t know enough about the nHo boys can you do a continuation of your yandere xisuma fic? bc it was really good👀

Word count: 5k words

Warning: Falling, Depression, Death, Yandere (?)(just a bit posessive/protective at the end), Bit of confusion/memory loss, Mention of Running Away

This is a Part 2 to Ugly Fuckling

If this EVER looks funky or glitched, here's a link to it on Ao3.

_______________________________________________________

A methodical ticking echoes around the room, the only indicator that time was passing. The room was nearly a blinding black, yet a ray of moonlight made its way into the room. From that, you were able to see Xisuma. Without his helmet covering his face, he looked much more welcoming and soft. It wasn’t like he wasn’t soft and welcoming anyways, he just looked so much softer and approachable. A real person - man what were you even thinking?

Mentally shaking off that train of thought, you let your mind wander onto a different topic. Since Xisuma stopped you from following through with your impulsive decision to leave, he hadn’t exactly let you out of his sight. A few of your activities were free from his supervision, but otherwise you were with him.

At first you felt like an absolute bother to him, but his insistence that it was all fine made things better. Minimally better, if you were to speak honestly. It didn’t alleviate your feelings at all. He was being so nice and attentive to you and your needs. And what were you doing with that? You were being the little debbie downer that you are and not getting better. Come on, this was all for you. That meant you had to get better for him since he was putting so much effort into making you get better.

He made you all of your favorite foods, cuddled you any time even a tear fell from your eyes, asked about what was worrying or saddening you and trying to talk you through it to feel better, and so much more. All around it was everything you needed, really it was. Everything was getting better, yet you weren’t.

This had been going on for days, and you were still thinking of leaving. Though technically you did. Maybe the entire server moved with you. Maybe that fact could be ignored. Maybe. Everyone gathered up and went to a new server not too long after your most recent “escape” attempt. You weren’t sure if it was the unsaid yearly move to a new season or what, but it seemed a little too convenient if you thought about it. But thinking was a laborious and bothersome task. So no thoughts - only depression. Yea, that’s how things rolled for you.

The thought of leaving was far from leaving your mind. It was always on the backburner, but became a prominent thought whenever you weren’t with anybody. Especially Xisuma. Voices whispered to feed your insecurities, giving a source for your depression to grow off of. And boy was it growing. Adding in this new move made you question a bit more.

You knew you wanted to leave the server because of how icky, disgusting and disappointing you were, but now you were truly realizing where the issue lay. Wel, you knew before, but it just became more evident. It wasn’t the server itself. The issue lay between you and the hermits. So that feeling of not belonging? Still rather prominent. Even with their fresh new start where everyone had the same resources, said “resources” were nonexistent since everyone started with nothing, it was rather evident you still didn’t belong.

Grian was the only one who didn’t build a “starter house” immediately. That made two hermits you knew who didn’t make a starter house. The two hermits being you and Grian, so that made you feel better. Until you found out the reason he didn’t make a house was because he went to defeat the Ender Dragon and get loot from end cities. Yea that really didn’t make you feel better. And these “starter” builds the others made were no joke. They weren’t even starters, in your opinion. These were whole builds in and of themselves. Like things you’d be building late game, if you even got around to making anything that could compare.

Once again, your mind cemented that you were very alien to this group. Alongside the “new fodder” that you had, which was really recycled thoughts, memories, or insecurities, you started to cry. Stifling your sobs without being able to cover your mouth with your hands is a very hard task. All remaining strength you had went into calming your breath and being as silent as possible. You still allowed the tears to continue their route down your cheeks with no intent to stop them. If you only allow tears to flow with no noise, you can get your emotions out while not bothering Xisuma. A win-win.

Time was illusive, slipping through your hands like sand. One moment you were crying next to Xisuma in bed then a blink later you were waking up in an empty bed. The ever annoying sun was flaunting its energy and jovial beams into the room and blinding you with it. Man, how you envied the sun. It was able to get up every day and do its duty. And not even the duty it was exactly made for. One that it conveniently worked with. A necessity to life.

Still, you layed in bed. Too lethargic to move on your own; there was no will or energy to move. Well, there was one reason; you wanted to search for Xisuma. Where could he have gone off to? He wasn’t in the bed. Somewhere else in the house? Out on a project? Who knows. The likelihood of him being gone was high and that, along with the thoughts, kept you in the bed.

The day passed. Maybe you slept. You were still very tired and very sad, so it really made no difference in the end if you did actually sleep sometime that day since nothing changed. Snuggling into the blankets for warmth and comfort, you awaited for Xisuma’s return. Though you don’t remember him saying that he was going anywhere in particular yesterday. Did he? Memories blurred together and multiple days became one mushed memory. Many memories of him mentioning future projects to you or other things came to mind. How recent were those? Mulling over your memories, you tried to pinpoint when they happened based on some other memories. You referred to them as your “time reference memories”... They had a different name, but the name eludes you. But that was their purpose, so that name shall stay.

Soon a plethora of other memories came to mind as you quickly sorted through them. So they obviously didn’t take place in the same time area-frame thingy as when you joined the Hermitcraft server. That was months ago- clearly off the table. Then did they happen around the time you were building the trash on the server? Also a big no- that’s way too early. Oh dear- all the memories that were popping up were far too early. Crap- think. Think, think, think. Come on, more recent. What about when you tried to leave? Well it happened after that, but much closer.

A flash of memories pass behind your eyes yet you can’t decipher all of them. It was obviously some memories and you could faintly see some things, but it was all a blur of colors. You didn’t have the time for this right now. After you figure this out, you could reminisce on them. Now you had to figure out which memory out of the blob you had was most recent-

Staring at the ceiling did nothing to help. No new spark of memories came up, even with your mind scrambling for any scrap it could get its little grubby hands on. Great- now you were stuck going off of his appearance and what the house looked like during those times. Now the dilemma was “which came first”. Almost every memory took place in the house.

Wait! He didn’t have the diamond armor in all of them! Only two of them had diamond armor involved. Specifically on Xisuma. You didn’t have anything on this new server. Well, compared to him or any other hermit, anyways. To say you were behind or “lagging” was an understatement. Having iron armour isn’t really a flex. Especially when it goes missing. Like who just up and loses armor like that? You do, apparently.

That isn’t the point. Stay focused! So he had armor, what did the house look like? Or anything outside the window?

Finally a lightbulb went off in your mind. Of course! He talked about a fire last time. Yes, you were sure of you. Not sure why but you were very sure of that fact. He mentioned that some gravel on a mountain was on fire and he wasn’t sure why. Then he talked about a building in the next memory… Everything was starting to add up! Oh you felt so smart right now. So good.

So what mountain did he say he was going to? It was a villager hall, right? Or was it the future place for a build… No, villager hall because he mentioned villagers and trading. Obviously not another build. But what if it was? Now you were conflicted because you were so sure but at the same time doubt pranced around your mind obnoxiously. Your anxiety was getting ticked off more.

First the disappearance of Xisuma and now your worries are getting to you? Really, it was the opposite order. More of an Oreo, but that wasn’t important.

Taking a deep breath, you try to get your thoughts under control again. Regain you cool. Alright. If you find Xisuma then you can calm everything else down. That was your biggest worry right now. The longer you didn’t know Xisuma’s location and condition, the worse your mental state became. From there, it was obvious how everything would decline.

All you had to do was go to Xisuma. Right. Go to Xisuma. Who is outside. Out of the bed. Debating on whether or not to leave the comforting confines of the blankets or search for Xisuama was definitely something. It was hard but also wasn’t all at the same time. Because yes, staying in bed and being warm would be amazing. The preferred option. But you were worried about the lack of Xisuma’s presence. That took precedence over comfort.

Grumbling, you slowly start to drag yourself out of bed. More accurately rolling out and only turning to properly get out of bed and onto your feet. Same end result really. Slowly, as to not cause a dizzy spell, you get up and walk toward the door. Said dizzy spell still hits you like a baseball gets hit by a bat, but there was an attempt. Black overtakes your vision for a second before everything goes back to normal. Boy you didn’t miss those pounding headaches with dizzy spells. Damn vertigo.

Shaking your head, you steady yourself for the journey to the outside. It was going to be perilous. Well not really, but your mind tried to come up with the worse case scenarios. Like some Dream SMP members coming for you to drag you back. Or pillagers near or at the front door. Or some other nasty mob. Oh the possibilities were nearly endless. But you had to do this.

Hyping yourself up, you mentally prepare for what you could think of. Aka prepare for something bad like pain. To be fair, pain would be better than a Dream SMP member but pain still hurts.

A noise of annoyance leaves your lips as you once again try to get yourself back on track. You hated how easily distracted you got sometimes. Though it did help in some situations. Admitting to that wouldn’t be too helpful in any regard so back to ignoring it you go.

Soon you’re back on track and continuing your journey. The only thing standing between you and the outside world stared at you. The front door. It wouldn’t be for long. All you had to do was open it and then start the other leg of your journey and- wait.

The door greeted your face with a nice hearty slam as you walked right into it. Confusion was just written all over your face. You grabbed the knob, did you not? Taking a step back, you peer down. Low and behold, you were holding the door knob. Your brows furrowed as you twisted the knob. Nothing happened. Trying with more strength and vigor or whatever might do something? Maybe it’s just stuck. Unlikely but hey! Delusions are much sweeter and easier to swallow. Plus being more violent with an inanimate object makes it work! Usually, anyways. Beat a banana and you get mush so not always. That’s besides the point because the darn door still refused to open. Huffing, you try being a little harder with the door. Though that leads to nothing but you fearing it breaking. One creak escapes the poor door and you’re off of it like a puppy squealed rather than a door.

Anxiety started to bloom in your chest for the uptenth time or whatever. It’s happened a lot and that’s all that matters. Deep breaths. In and out. In and out. It’s just a door. If it breaks it can be replaced. Also it’s a door. It’s probably fine. Though you didn’t exactly want to test that. Who knows when the door is going to just say “nope! I’m done” and just break?

Leaning against the door, you slide to the floor as you think of another plan to leave. The door was locked, right? This is a brand new door we’re talking about. Rust couldn’t have shut it already, right? You were by the sea though so who knew what the salt and water was doing to it. That ruins doors, wood, and mentals, right? If only you were a builder or someone more fluent with stuff like this. Someone who knew how stuff like that worked. Because wow, you were beyond dumb on that subject.

You curl up in defeat. Bringing your knees to your face, you wrap your arms around them to secure them. To feel safer and smaller. Block out the world. All you wanted to do was stay there, just like that. Not that exact position, but you want to feel comforted and safe. A craving for belonging and love. Although something you craved, whenever it was just handed to you or offered, you turned it down. Nobody actually likes you. They just want to use you.

Everyone has used you in the past for something.

Tears started to form in your eyes. As you lift your head from the curl, you take a deep breath. This is annoying, tiring. Crying is useless right now. Nothing is going to be fixed this way.

As you subdued the tears, you looked around the house again. There had to be another exit, right? Maybe. Half of the houses you’ve lived in only had one entrance or exit. The other half either had a secret exit or another doorway. This wasn’t one of the latter, though. It was one of the former; you were only informed of one way to exit or enter the house. Xisuma didn’t mention any emergency escape. Well there weren’t any holes in the house besides that- OH WAIT!

Smacking your forehead, you scramble to your feet and look directly at the closest window. If it had the ability to, it’d probably be sweating out of fear or anxiety. Either or, that window wasn’t going to have a good time. Fortunately for you, though, the window couldn’t judge you. And the window is very easy to climb out of.

Walking closer for inspection, it didn’t seem like it’d be too hard to open. Just flick a latch or two and just lift the bottom. You’re home free after that. The latches weren’t an issue. Grabbing the bottom of the glass, you silently pray that it won’t be as stubborn as the door.

Some deity was feeling nice today because the window opened without much trouble. A little elbow grease but that was a small price to pay. Now started the awkward maneuvering to get outside. This was one thing you didn’t miss from your past.

First a leg, then the other, and slide later, you land ungraceful into the outside world. Either you were going to land on your face or bum and you didn’t want any of that. So instead you did a nice little dance.

Okay so dance would be the fun way of stating it. What happened was you stumbled around for a bit, waving your arms around in a desperate attempt to regain balance. But you get to stay on your feet, so the trade off of your dignity was well worth it. Plus nobody was around to see it.

Once balanced, you were in awe of the builds that were just a wall away. How much has changed since you last came out? How long were you inside? You only remember the comically tall portal and the partial build of the portal tower being around when you came. Besides the starting house and a few other small things, of course. But now there were two completed towers. The dark one was obviously the portal tower because of the color scheme. What was the other than? It was colored like a lighthouse with the red and white bands encompassing it, but you didn’t want to say anything definitely. After all, it was somewhat hard to tell.

The coloration indicated a lighthouse, along with the silhouette, but it looked a bit too artistically done. And when something is artistically done, it could be anything. So you’ll call it tower two! Tower two was rather pretty!

Xisuma wasn’t around though. Right. The mountain wasn't around here, was it? Where was it, anyways? It must’ve been pretty far away.

With the prospects of a long walk ahead of you, your shoulders slump. Dear lord, this was more work than you wanted to go through. Who knows how far it is! But it wasn’t just some walking for fun, it had a purpose.

Gathering your remaining energy and grit, you start the laborious, long, and treacherous journey through the continent for Xisuma. Hiking wasn’t your strong suit and keeping an eye out for Xisuma too? This makes everything so much harder.

You were only able to get off the island and back onto the mainland, where you started to scale the mountain before you heard a ruckus. Progressively, it got louder and more discernible. Yelling. Sounded like words. Gibberish, but it slowly grew clearer.

“Oh my gosh,” danced with the wind by your ears. “Oh no.” A cry of your name, or something really similar. Were those words? Those couldn’t be words, right? Whipping your head around, you see Xisuma running your way frantically. Okay, so those were most definitely words if the scene before you proved anything.

Excited, you start your descent back to the ground. Step by step. Is it step by step when you’re climbing? Your focus is on Xisuma. Pretty much entirely. It really shouldn’t have as you misjudge the next step. In the blink of an eye you went from viewing rock to viewing sky and a scary feeling building in your chest. The feeling grew exponentially and it didn’t take a genius to know what was going on.

A scream ripped its way from your chest as it tightened more. Said scream doesn’t last long for it ended as quickly as it came. No air could move, no noise could come out any more. Air was stuck in your throat, unable to reach your lungs. Fear paralyzed your muscles, eyes shut for there was no difference in the view. Everything was blurred and the black was more welcoming and comforting.

Too fast. Time wasn’t even a consideration. A social construct thrown out the window as soon as your fingers lose contact with the rocks.

The ground had to be near by now. It felt like hours passed now, but at the same time everything seemed to be zipping by.

Contact is made, and you expect it to be the end. You grunt as all remaining air is forced from your body. Another noise came from beneath you. Gasping for air, panic made you feel so cold. Is this what death felt like? No air was coming in and you definitely hit the ground. Were you going to die because you slipped up?

Black was encompassing your vision once again. Frantic attempts to regain air were barely rewarded for your lungs remained mostly empty. Everything still felt paralized, but now your chest felt worse. It hurt so much.

Something was moving beneath you. Pink entered your failing vision. It shifted you around, moving your head and body. More accurately, it moved. Your head was placed on a soft surface while your body was on something else.

Slowly your vision ebbed back to reality. Or you did. Everything still felt wonky. But an axolotl helmet came to greet you. That was a nice thing about your vision clearing, you guessed. Pretty pink axolotl.

“Are you okay,” the axolotl shakily asks. It’s hands were shaking and it sounded masculine.

“Yea,” your voice felt and sounded weird. Very airy, frail, and kinda delirious. You know, the “I don't feel right” type of delirious. Is that delirious? Oh wait you were talking! “Yea i’m good.”

“Are you sure,” the axolotl keeps persisting. It seemed to be looking over you for any injuries. How nice of it! “Double sure? Triple sure? No scrapes? Nothing hurts?”

“I’m absolutely sure,” you assure. Man this was a comfy place and you wanted to stay here longer, but you need to get standing. With shaky arms and legs, you unsteadily get up, stumbling or leaning a bit too much at times. The axolotl panics and helps you to your feet, never letting go afterwards. You thank it for its help and try to walk away, back to Xisuma’s house. Though it assists you, staying by your side as if it were attached with cement.

“You need to stop doing stuff like this,” it begs, leading you by the elbow. “It’s like everytime i’m gone, you purposely go get yourself into trouble, get hurt, or try to leave. I don’t get it. Why do you keep doing it?”

To say you were confused would be an understatement. What’s it even talking about?

Suddenly a thought hits you like lighting and everything starts to line up. This is literally Xisuma. How did you forget that? He changes skins with every new season. Wow you either hit your head, panicked and forgot every important detail ever, or you really needed the oxygen for those brain cells because they finally got what they needed to function.

“Sorry,” you really are sorry. For half of those things, if not almost all of them. If you were simply allowed to go back to the Dream smp in peace, you would be completely fine. Not a bother to the hermits, not a walking hazard to society, and you wouldn’t feel inadequate anymore… Actually that wouldn’t go away no matter where you went or what you did. “I didn’t mean for any of that to happen.”

Xisuma doesn’t reply to your words and you start to panic again. “You weren’t in the house and I got really anxious, okay? I didn’t remember where you said you were going and I just… I needed a hug. I know that sounds stupid or childish, but i wasn’t feeling good. And you said that if I needed something, I'd just have to go to you. Oh who am i kidding, this was the dumbest thing ever. I’m so so sorry for bothering you-” Tears started to well up in your eyes, blurring your vision entirely. You were thankful that you weren’t walking alone while like this. Who knew what else you’d get yourself hurt on.

Not only were your words stopped, but your whole body was too. Jerked back by Xisuma, your teary eyes look directly at his visor which only reflects back your pitiful face. Though you don’t see it for long as you’re pulled into a hug by Xisuma. This only causes you to cry harder.

“Hey hey hey,” Xisuma’s voice is a low murmur, a comforting rumble from his chest. “It’s okay. It’s alright. Did I not tell you where I was going before I left?”

Shaking your head, a tiny “no” escapes you between sobs. Xisuma just hugs you tighter and you snuggle closer. That’s if you can, but you still try.

“Oh i’m so sorry,” he starts to pat and rub your back in a comforting manner, repeatedly apologizing for forgetting to tell you. And other things. Though you can’t exactly tell what they are through your sobbing.

It takes ages for you to calm down. You don’t really have much to go off of, besides the sun. What was once a noon sun glaring down on you was a peaceful sunset over the ocean. When you finish crying, only shaky breaths and tear stains remain to show off the previous crying fit. That and the red eyes.

The sunset is pretty, so you focus on that. Positioning your face to not have it smooshed into Xisuma’s chestplate was a struggle since he was holding you so tightly. But you managed. Soon your face wasn’t full on smooshed into his chest plate, only the side. Your cheek was definitely doing that pancake thing which smooshes out like a flat tire.

Everything’s so peaceful and quiet. Only the waves and sea life disturb it, but it made a great background noise. Xisuma soon adds to everything with some light humming. Rumbling from the chest is so comforting. Why was it such a forgettable yet amazing thing? It felt so nice.

With the humming came some rocking. Going side to side, humming a nonsensical tune. Not long after, you join in as well. Yours was definitely less consistently though, for it was broken up but little giggles. The longer you two went on, the more you giggled.

His arms unwrap themselves and you feel disappointed and saddened by the loss. You needn’t wait for long though, as on both sides of your body, you suddenly feel a tingly sensation. Bursting out into laughter, you try to struggle away from the tickle attack Xisuma has launched on you. But he’s relentless, keeping up with your retreat. It’s only when you’re out of breath, on the ground, and playfully yelling your surrender at him, that he stops.

You two start to calm down again. Laughter slowly ebbed away to chuckles or silence. Not an uncomfortable or awkward silence by any means. A safe and comforting one.

“Come on,” Xisuma prompts, getting up from the crouched position he had to be in for his attack, giving out his hand when he was properly on his feet. “Let’s get home before mobs start to spawn.” You’re more than happy to take his hands. With a pull, you’re brought back to your feet. But you two don’t let go of each other’s hands.

Together you two finish the trek home, and rather quickly too. With the sun setting, it was just a matter of minutes before danger would appear. Luckily you two made it to safety without any issues. The beginning area Xisuma had set up was well lit, safe from the dark and the dangers it harbors.

Being back in the base area made you feel more at peace, calmer, less endangered. Whatever you wanted to say, but you felt safer. And everything looked so pretty at night! You really need to come out more with Xisuma. Staring in awe at the builds in a different light, you and Xisuma dawdle on home.

Everything was perfect again. Just like before. You were happy, Xisuma was happy, what else could you need.

Xisuma walks ahead of you to unlock the front door, to which you say a little “thank you” out of habit and slip on by him and into the house. You do mean it, but still, it’s a habit drilled into you.

After getting back into the house, with some idle chit-chat, you start to get things fixed up in the house. Some dinner was in order for the two of you. After all, you just tried to climb a mountain to find Xisuma and who knows if Xisuma actually ate today. Plus you haven't had anything to eat yet. Whoops.

Leaving Xisuma to his own devices, you continue your conversation as you prepare a meal.

You don’t notice him locking the door and windows, or the dark look he has when he sees the window open, or him putting the keys in his pocket after locking all of the other windows. When he doesn’t reply immediately, though, you turn toward the last direction you heard him from, only to reveal an empty house. Perplexed, you look around a bit, but are stopped by a tap on your shoulder.

Jumping, you whirl around to see Xisuma without his helmet on, chuckling at your reaction. Laughing along with him, you give him a nudge with your hip. He returns it, laughing harder when you’re bumped away from him. This goes on for a while as you cook dinner, with Xisuma helping you.

The night goes on like this. Full of gentle, playful antics and a loving atmosphere. The love you felt was immense. You hadn’t felt happier in months.

Xisuma hasn’t been so scared in months either.

He should’ve secured the house better. Made sure you were fine before he left. Locked the windows before he left.

Now he knows to lock windows. You’d try to use them in the future. Better a situation where you went looking for him than you leaving him. But now he knew.

And all was good again.

[kirieshhhka003]

Can you do headcanons of fem! Illuso scissoring a female teammate in the mirror world? However, if you're not comfortable writing genderbents then that's fine l0l

A/n: omg I miss writing for lesbians sm, so here I fucking am. So basically all of La Squadra members are females here, idk why, I just felt like this

Pairing: fem! Illuso x fem! Reader

Warnings: NSFW, pussyeating, scissoring, masturbation, fingering, squirting

Word count: 2,3k

It’s unbearably boring. You’ve spent at least 20 minutes just walking around La Squadra’s base and it’s still 30 more minutes until ye meeting starts. You and your fiancée Illuso decided to leave your home an hour before the rally, considering horrible traffic of Naples. But much to your surprise it took you less than 10 minutes to arrive, and now you both were supposed to wait for other members to gather

You are not the only ones who have arrived too early - Prosciutto, unofficial mom of hitman team, is already at the base, getting everything ready for the meeting, waiting patiently for others to arrive

Suddenly you feel Illuso’s hand wrapping around your waist from behind, her soft lips brush against your ear shell as she whispers lecherously:

- I want you, - those three simple words send herds of shivers running up and down your spine. Bright blush dusts your cheeks in a matter of seconds and you feel your heart starting to race into your chest. You furrow your eyebrows nervously, glancing at your fiancée over your shoulder

- Right here? - you ask, your throat feels desert dry and you swallow heavily but it doesn’t seem to help. You see your girlfriend nod affirmatively, wide leer stretching her shiny from lip gloss lips. - No, we can’t! What if we’re getting caught? - you utter, trying to be as quiet as possible so your colleagues are not able to hear what you two are talking about

- Baby, sometimes you forget about what I’m capable of. Y’know, that kinda hurts, - Illuso says as her lush lips form into a cute pout, but the glimmer of mischievousness in her eyes betrays her actual intentions

You shift from one foot to the other, looking around, trying to figure out how much time will it take for all La Squadra members to arrive to the base. You hear your beloved tsk behind you, annoyed by your suddenly timid behavior, and her hand that was previously resting on your waist slowly comes higher. You hold your breath, secretly expecting her to give your chest a playful squeeze, but girl only slightly brushes her fingertips against the bottom of your tit, shamelessly teasing you

- So what? - she tuts mockingly and you bite down on your lower lip, looking nervously at Prosciutto sitting in her favorite armchair, reading some magazine she’s found on the coffee table standing in the middle of the meeting room

- Okay, fine, - you give up and hear Illuso humming approvingly at your response, fully satisfied with herself

You clear your throat and refer to blonde female:

- Pros, we’ll take a walk around. There is still time before the meeting starts and we’ll check if there are any possible enemies around, - you gibber, and she looks intently at both of you, condemning look in her beautiful sapphire eyes, as if she knows what you two are planning on doing

- Okay, but don’t be late. We’re not gonna repeat ourselves if you two will be late and miss something, - female replies in her usual stern “teacher” tone, then turning her eyes back to the colorful pages of fashion magazine she’s been reading before

Immediately after Illuso grabs you by your hand, leading you to the bathroom, and you obey happily, already feeling warmth emerging in the pit of your stomach. You don’t even notice when brown-haired teleports you into the mirror world, but once you’re there she presses your body against the cold surface of the wall, her lips find yours, kissing you deeply, smearing both of your lipsticks on your cheeks

Your hand comes up to rest on Illuso’s nape, carefully not to ruin her hair, knowing how much girl hates that. She wastes no time, unbuttoning your wine-red shirt and taking it off of your body, her greedy fingers undoing hooks of your bra, exposing your soft chest to her hungry gaze. Illuso immediately busies her hands with your tits, softly moldings and jiggling tender flesh between her manicured fingers, making your nipples harden in a matter of seconds

- C’mon, - she says, taking your hand into hers and leading you out of the bathroom

- Where are we going? - you ask, trying your best to catch with her temp and not to crash on the floor. Once Illuso makes your way to the meeting room she pushes you softly so that you fall right on the soft cushions of sofa, placing her knee in between your splayed legs, grinding it against your groin, making you whine softly at her actions

- It would be hella uncomfortable to fuck you in that tiny bathroom, don’t you think so? - brown-haired drawls teasingly, her hands come to the waistband of your jeans, in a few experienced moves undoing the button and a zipper. - Take off your shoes and the rest of the clothes, - your fiancée orders and you’re quick to obey, doing as you’re told, soon sitting on the couch totally naked

Illuso wastes no time, taking off her dress and a bra, carefully hanging her clothed on the armrest of the armchair standing next to the couch, revealing her lithe curvy form to you, her lacy thongs are the only clothing that covers her body from your eyes

You whine softly, spreading your legs wide, giving Illuso a great view of your already wet pussy. Your hands come up to grab on your own breasts, playing with erected buds, making the fire in your stomach grow bigger. Brown-haired girl chuckles sonorously at your impatience, kneeling before you, placing both of her hands on your thighs, gently caressing your skin

You slide to the edge of sofa so that your groin is now closer to Illuso. Girl’s smile only gets wider at this and she places a few wet kisses on the inner sides of your thighs, making you tremble from anticipation. Despite her aspiration to tease the hell out of you brown-haired remembers about that scarce time you have to yourselves. She lowers her head, taking a first wide lick of your throbbing sex, parting slicked folds with her smooth tongue, making you squirm under her caresses

Illuso fully gives in, nestling her pretty face between your legs, pleasuring you with her skilled tongue, turning you into drooling goo in a mere minutes. She’s always like that when it comes to pleasuring you with her mouth - wild and unbridled, eager to bring you as much pleasure as possible. Most of the times she edges you to be end, eating you out for hours straight without letting you cum, and only when you beg so prettily for orgasm she takes pity of you, finally making you cum that hard that stars start blurring your vision

You try to muffle your wanton moans by nibbling on your fingers as you feel your fiancée slipping two of her slim pretty digits into your clenching heat, all while she licks and suckles on your labia and clit

- Hey, take that away. I wanna hear those precious sounds you make, - Illuso chides softly, her eyes look up at you with displeasure. You obey, taking your hand away from your mouth, crying out girl’s name oh so sweetly when she closes her lips on your throbbing clit, giving it a generous suckle, and she hums approvingly at this, sending mild vibrations running through your cunny

You feel your high quickly approaching you as Illuso harshly fucks your cute pussy with her fingers all while playing with your swollen clit. You squeeze your eyes shut, waiting for your climax to come, but suddenly brown-haired stops everything, pulling back from your crotch, making you whine and buck your hips upwards to get more of her attention

- Not so soon, honey. Lay on the couch and spread your legs wide, - Illuso orders, lovingly smacking one of your thighs. You comply unwillingly, slightly disappointed that your fiancée didn’t let you cum. Brown-haired takes her panties off, discarding them to the side and joining you on the couch

She crouches over your splayed form, kissing you deeply, messily tangling her tongue with yours, and you can taste your own juices on Illuso’s lips. Her hands grip on your breasts, kneading and playing with the soft pudge and you lean into her touch, arching your back off the couch, bumping your naked abdomen into Illuso’s and the feeling of her skin right next to yours drives both of you crazy

Brown-haired straightens her back and you let out dissatisfied grunt, wanting female to stay close to you for a bit longer. She gives you a mischievous smile, throwing one of her legs over your body so that she straddles one of your thighs with hers, leaving mere millimeters between your glistening pussies

She fidgets a little, trying to find more comfortable position, aiming her leaking pussy to yours. Soft sigh leaving Illuso’s lungs as she finally sits herself atop of you, clits rubbing tightly together. You grip on Illuso’s hips, squeezing her buttocks slightly, trailing your fingers up and down her thighs, causing goosebumps to rise on the smooth surface of her pale skin

Illuso starts rocking her hips back and forth, starting on a slow pace, gradually quickening her juttings. Your swollen little clit strokes right against the inner part of brown-haired’s thigh and so does hers. Girl tips her head back, letting out a loud wanton moan, this sound makes your heart flatter. Illuso tightens her grip on your knee, pressing her pussy tighter onto yours, making you squeal like a bitch in a heat

Your gaze falls on the polished surface of the mirror hanging on the wall right in front of the couch your fiancée scissors you on. You see Prosciutto and Formaggio discussing something vigorously with Risotto and Pesci listens intently to the chat between her colleagues. Wait, they can’t see you, right? Right?!

You quickly forget about that as brown-haired expands one of her hands to your tits, groping on your tender pudge, tugging on your swollen nipples what sends electric shocks running up your spine. You whine and rock your hips back softly, meeting Illuso’s thrusts, making the contact even more pleasurable

- Fuck, baby, more more more. Pleeeease, - you squawk, and Illuso gladly obliges, fastening the jutting of her hips, bringing you closer to your high with every movement

The curl of tension in the pin of your tummy snaps and the next moment you feel warmth suffusing your whole body. You cum with a loud cry of Illuso’s name on your lips, whole body trembling as she keeps on tribbing her clit against yours

Brown-haired let’s you ride out you orgasm before letting go of your leg, she sits herself in between your still splayed open legs, one hand comes to her groin to pleasure her swollen clit. Your eyes follow her every movement - she didn’t get off, but she definitely doesn’t plan on staying dissatisfied

You extent your hand, reaching your lover’s slit, slipping three of your fingers inside of Illuso (surprisingly or not they come in without any resistance, you know brown-haired can fit something way bigger inside). You start ramming your hand on the rapid speed, mercilessly fucking your fiancée’s pretty pussy, unapologetically hitting her g-spot with every new thrust

By the way her thighs start to tremble you can say that she’s close to her own climax. Just a mere moments later thick mewl escapes Illuso’s lush lips as her whole form starts shaking. You feel her gushing on your fingers, covering your exposed pussy and inner thighs in her love juices. You hungrily watch your fiancée squirt all over your body - wow, you didn’t expect that. But that’s definitely a highly pleasant bonus

- Holy shit baby, you’ve made a mess, - you chuckle, watching your beloved getting off her high, her stunning body still slightly trembling in aftershocks from recent orgasm

It takes you about 10 minutes to clean yourselves up and make each other look at least presentable. You look at the wall clock, suffering a bit to understand what time it is since everything is mirrored. Excellent, there are a few minutes lest before the meeting starts

You make your way outside of the base while still in the mirror world so that it won’t be overly obvious when you two come back from your “patrol”. Once you get inside of the base you meet face to face with Prosciutto. Both you and brown-haired freeze in place, not expecting to meet with any of teammates that soon

- So? - Prosciutto asks, her arms are crossed on her chest and pretty eyebrows are furrowed as she looks sternly at both you and Illuso. Your fiancée shrugs faintly, turning her gaze away, letting you know that she doesn’t intend on helping you with this conversation. You look angrily on your beloved but quickly divert your attention to the blonde standing in front of you

- What? - you query, having no clue what your colleague may possibly want from you

- Enemies. Did you find any? - Prosciutto explains, and by the tone of her voice nor look on her face you can’t clearly understand if she scoffs at both of you or actually being serious. Your mind fumbled with any answer, but your brain still can’t work properly after your recent orgasm

- Oh, yes, um… there are none. We’ve looked through every possible place they could’ve hidden, but didn’t find anyone, - you stammer out, hoping that blonde beloved you and won’t ask any more questions. She only hums quietly, satisfied with your answer, then sharply turns around on her hills, sashaying towards the meeting room

- Good. Now go, we’re starting in a few minutes

You can’t help but sight in relief at this words. God, the meeting hasn’t even started yet and you already feeling like a squeezed lemon. You glance on Illuso and by her half-lidded eyes you can say that she feels no different. Well, you just gotta hold on, and you feel like the next few hours will be pure torment for both you and your fiancée

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