#and if i don't draw everything RIGHT NOW i'm going to lose interest and nothing will get made!!!!!!

[laurellala-comics]

there are two wolves inside of you. One of them is fretting that you went through all the effort of making a new art account just to pigeonhole yourself once more into a specific fandom, which holds you back from exploring original art concepts that you care about. The other one came up with three separate ace attorney comic ideas in the last hour alone and isn't stopping anytime soon

[sage-nebula]

This is a really difficult post for me to make for many reasons, but one I am going to make anyway because I don't know what else to do. I will try to keep it as succinct as I can.

For years I have said that I work in IT, and this is true. But what I haven't said is that I work in IT for the federal government. For privacy reasons, I won't say which branch, but I have been a federal employee for years now. About two weeks ago, DOGE started coming after us. So far, I still have my job, and those higher than me in my branch have instructed us to not respond to any DOGE emails. While I wouldn't bend the knee to Elon Musk, Trump, or anyone else in DOGE regardless (I will hold the line as long as I can), it's still a beyond stressful time knowing that I could lose my one source of income at any moment.

To make matters worse, because of my refusal to bend the knee to Musk, I've been completely cut off by the one remaining family member I had left, my father. He has made it clear that if I lose my job because I am standing up to the current administration, he will not help me. Moreover, he also refuses to speak to me, having said, "We have nothing else to talk about" the last time we did speak. So it is both a financial and an emotional severance.

The final nail in the coffin to my mental and emotional state right now is that I am in a bad amount of debt. To be precise, $3800 worth of debt, on a credit card, that I am struggling to pay even with my job right now given how high my mortgage and car payments are, not to mention my other bills. Part of the reason the debt is so high is because I had a massive plumbing problem that needed to be fixed at my house—essentially, the previous owners installed the pipes incorrectly, which completely ruined the plumbing in the kitchen and everything had to be re-piped. This was a little over $1000 alone, not to mention the weeks my kitchen was inoperable, leading to me relying on takeout just to be able to eat. That, plus interest on the bill, has left me in a tight spot.

So now, I'm here, doing something that it takes all of my willpower to do: ask for help. I don't know if I'll have a job in a few weeks. I don't know if I'll be able to pay this off even if I keep my job. And the stress of that has led to me being unable to eat for days, and throwing up what little I do eat, when combined with everything else. If you have read this far (and I don't blame anyone who hasn't), I thank you. And if you can offer any assistance, I thank you even more.

I have a Ko-Fi, which you can find here.

I put some designs up on redbubble that you can order as stickers or other things, which you can find here.

I'm willing to draw pictures, or write ficlets / fics, for anyone who would like to help. You can find examples of my art here and my fiction writing here. If you want something, just send me an Ask and we can discuss it.

I'm sorry this is so long. And again, I thank you for reading to the end if you have. Thank you for caring.

[vaya-is-dead]

Welcome to hour one of my delusional city

SO ABOUT JINX.... we have plenty to discuss. :))

*act three arcane spoilers under the cut don't read if you haven't watched it especially the last episode!!*

I have a theory.

Now many of you will point at me and call me delusional but I'm sorry. I think I might be right on this one for a change. (or at least it might be implied.)

OK, if you watch the final episode, you know that jinx made the sacrifice taking Warwick with her while Vi screams for her. This scene absolutely broke my heart and for about a good 15 minutes I thought she was dead.

Until I went back and watched the last couple of scenes.

Something that I found interesting is that Caitlyn was looking at the blueprint of the vent system, more specifically where Jinx made her ultimate sacrifice. We all know that arcane is not a show that would just throw in details all without reason. Everything has a point everything is calculated to either imply something or show something.

Why would Caitlyn be looking at the blueprint and why would the show creators specifically zoom in on certain airways? Well, of course, then none other to imply that Jinx could've escaped through one of these, therefore possibly surviving.

Now with that alone, it probably doesn't mean anything. It is nothing but a skeleton of what possibly could be, it needs flesh and muscle for it to actually be a Working theory.

But then, as I watched the final scene before the credits, tell me why an airship from Piltover airship very similar to the ones that we saw in episode one where powder said that she would be flying one of those one day. Why was it flying away into the distant sky, then followed by the classic Jinx glitches with the words the end?

Tell me why a show that is so focused on each, and every small detail, from micro expression to touches that linger just a second too long for it to be nothing, Even the drawings and graffiti around Zaun. why would a show so focused on those types of details do something like that if Jinx was not alive? It does not make any sense. It would not make any sense for the show.

Need more proof?

if you pay attention when Caitlyn and Vi are talking, specifically towards the end where Vi leans into Caitlyn, the expression on her face is not one of relief, but rather one of knowing something. She was the one looking at the blueprint, and she was the one who noticed the potential escape route that jinx would know better than anyone because it wasn't her sort of Home in the vent system? How could she not know how to escape?

it's also very satisfactory to her character arc, it was only in season two where we started to see her perception of death start to shift, it was only when Isha came into her life that she really started to understand her own mortality and not completely disregard her life like she used. the prison scene with Vi, where she's sort of regresses back to the mentality of everyone around me will get hurt because of me. while in act three she did begin to disregard her life again, I would like to think that her talk with Ekko might've snapped her back into place. So instead of losing jinx's character development in its entirety, she continues on the same path where she was while still keeping her goal of letting VI be happy the same.

Plus the pink streak coming up the side of the hex gate tower, it's similar to the way that Jinx charges at Vi in their fighting scene.

Now, this is the part where you go into the comments and call me delusional and make fun of my theory but thank you for comming to my Ted's talk

[omagpies]

hey have you considered a potential curlayna child wanting to be an astronaut and the both of them nearly have a heart attack... kthxbai

okay your ask sparked a conversation between me and @cyanidecrystal so here goes:

(slightly recolored james mcavoy faceclaim lmaooo) this is Yuri, they/them;

(sidenote: this drawing is retroactively about baby yuri now)

they grow up only knowing a very, very sanitized version of what happened on the tulpar; while PE had no finances to cover up the story, the company producing the ships did, so even the initial splash of news was quickly suppressed and only remains as sporadic bits free floating in the infosphere. curlanya only tell them the bare bones of it, but since their family relationships are solid, yuri sees no reason not to take their word for it.

what does win is curiosity, and yuri does end up trying to dig things up just to know more about their family. the blurry, low res picture of post-crash curly they manage to find is written off as either one of the dead crew members, or perhaps even something generated by AI.

as a child, yuri already proudly declares that they are going to become an astronaut; curly and anya by then still haven't set foot in a spaceship or even a plane, so they sweat nervously but ascribe it more to a childhood whim (i'm going to be an astronaut AND a president AND a garbage truck driver)

it is not, in fact, a childhood whim

as yuri is growing up, their interest becomes more prominent. curlanya, excellent parents overall, make their first serious blunder and try their best to discourage them from pursuing a career in space

of course, it means that yuri ends up going behind their backs and sneaking off on a short-ish trip (think a jupiter moon, not even leaving the system) as an intern. they text them right before they lose signal, something like 'hey, remember you said you'll make it up for me for not letting me go on that school trip? (it involved a transcontinental flight) i've got it covered now so no worries, see you in a week!'

someone on the trip recognizes yuri's last name, asks if they are related to curly. yuri is surprised by this, deeply unaware that curly had a solid reputation as a captain and a pilot back in the day.

the trip ends up taking a little longer. during it, yuri sustains a minor injury for reasons of being a goober. something benign like a mild burn or a blackeye, so they come back wearing a temporary eye patch and supremely chuffed about finally looking at least a little like dad

curlanya do not react well. they don't yell or anything, but they are Weird, and it's not the reaction yuri was expecting. they don't know how on earth this is such a big deal to them.

(meanwhile, curlanya are severely triggered by literally everything about this and are in the process of discovering that all the trauma they thought to have processed has not, in fact, been fully processed, and their kid is now making them face it on hard mode)

they do end up having an argument about it. yuri is upset and offended and says some things they probably shouldn't, like 'just because you had an accident doesn't mean i will, and you're fine anyway!' (in their defence, everything happened so long ago, and curly's had years to recover by now)

perhaps they even say something like 'i'd rather get into a crash than stay at home doing nothing like you'

yuri is forbidden from sneaking away again, so of course that's what they do.

this time, however, when someone asks them if they know curly, the person ends up telling them a fuller story of what happened. with a fresh and exciting degree of understanding of why their parents are Like That, yuri is forced to sit with their feelings until the trip is over. forced to think over all the jabs they'd thrown their parents' way because they didn't understand.

after that second trip, the three of them finally sit down to have an honest conversation. curlanya still omit some details (like anya's assault), but since yuri really does want to work in space, it's time for them to reckon with their paranoia. their trauma must not define the life of their child.

yuri asks curly how he'd lived. curly smiles and says that he doesn't know either, yuri would have to ask their mother about that.

from then on, they learn to support yuri. whatever breakdowns they have, happen when it's just the two of them.

curlanya are both emotionally involved parents, but this is where curly becomes a little more closed off and lets anya take the reins. he doesn't want to bombard their kid with his problems, so he sticks more to logistics.

(for example, obsessively looking up every crew member of every trip yuri goes on. no background goes unchecked)

eventually, yuri invites them to come on board the ship they're now working on. after much hesitation, curlanya agree. curly is allowed into the cockpit (recognized by name if not by face) and reckons with the strange mix of nostalgia and despair. the equipment is just different enough to not send him into a fully blown flashback, but he does have to make his excuses and go hyperventilate in the bathroom.

it's a real moment of growing up for yuri, when they goes to find their father and see him so helpless. it's a gradual process, a series of 'god, i never knew it was this hard for you guys to accept this'

the more they understand that, the more they, too, understand how much their parents love them and how much their support costs them

still, learning more about the accident doesn't pass without a trace for yuri. for a while, they are uncertain if this is what they really want to do. ('i think i saw a picture of you after the crash. tell me it was a fake')

anya wins that day. her trauma wasn't as obvious to strangers, wasn't gawked at or paraded like curly's. it's easier for her to think rationally about this. and after all of it, she wants yuri to chase their dream

(maybe yuri even writes a resignation letter for their company and tells anya about it. after their heart to heart, anya tells curly, and he calls the company and tells them not to process it just yet. yuri stays on the roster.)

eventually, of course, the cat is out of the bag, and someone callous enough to bring it up asks yuri about the assault and if they are a result of it.

deeply distraught, yuri doesn't immediately clock that the math doesn't math. all they can think of is that they might be the child of their mother's assailant. that curly might not be their father.

they come with it to curlanya, and that's when they finally show yuri a picture of curly from before the crash.

yuri has always thought they took after their mother in pretty much everything except eye color. now, they find a blond version of themself looking back at them, and it feels like coming home.

[mike-haters-dni]

Scalding, unnecessary take that I'm going to use as an excuse to yap about my hyperfixation characters more than anything, but El's character is actually impossible to stick into coffee shop fanfiction No Supernatural Shit AUs. That's Jane you're writing about. Jane and El are not the same person. At all. And like, Jane is interesting to think about, don't get me wrong. I have thought about Jane. I love Jane. She's adorable and vaguely autistic. But Jane != Eleven.

Eleven is the way she is almost entirely because of her experience/trauma of growing up in the lab and having supernatural murder powers. Her main characters traits are being a self-sacrificing hero and not being sure who she is due to the fact she grew up in an isolated sterile inhuman environment. Unless you're directly translating those things into something unsupernatural (like growing up in a fucked up cult or something and like fighting her way out and now she'll fight to protect other people from similar experiences or something idk) you're writing about Jane the normal gorl who got to grow up with a normal personality in a normal world. And like, you can do that. It's fine it's fandom do whatever u want. But personally, the first thing I come up with when I birth an AU is what crazy powers and fucked up backstory we give Eleven here. Also how do we make her and everyone else really fucking cool but that...might be beside the point idk.

The powers have to basically ruin or have had ruined her life at one point. They have to be a curse that she either reclaims or gets rid of at the end. If she isn't tortured she isn't Eleven Stranger Things lmao

And then yeah yeah my next step is to figure out how Mike AND THE OTHERS OK but mostly Mike get involved in this. Which brings me to my next point: Jane and Mike have no real reason to talk to each other. Mike x Jane is just Normal Girl x Normal Boy which is like, fine sure if that's what you want, but also you kinda just erased everything interesting about their dynamic. You wanna know what makes El and Mike's relationship so compelling? Objectively? I'm objectively right about everything I'm about to say here? Ok their dynamic is this: Eleven is the most important person in the world, and Mike is the only boy who will ever love her. And yeah that second one sounds really sad but 1. yeah it kinda is :) 2. its not really true that's just what El thinks which is like a major theme for her character TO ME, her underestimating how 'normal' she is esp in her later years 3. it also is kinda true because he's the only boy romantically interested in her who actually understands and experienced all the supernatural/lab trauma bullshit and is actively fighting beside her through the plot of the show, and 4. he's literally perfect and also the only boy she'll ever love and need so it all works out.

And to explain the first one, I mean, you know she's saved the world twice right? She kinda literally is the most important person in the world considering its up to her to stop the apocalypse probably in the end? But its not the being important exactly that makes Mike love her ok, that's more of a meta character thing. Like she doesn't have to literally be the key to saving the world and the most powerful being in the universe. Its more that she has to have something really special about her that draws Mike specifically to her and binds him to her permanently and inseparably and he belongs to her forever and ever and they die in each other's arms. Like she deserves. In canon I imagine objectively and correctly that it went like this: Mike is a natural outcast collector and protector due to his pervasive unconscious need to be needed and his fear of losing the few people who like him, who meets the ultimate outcast girl who literally has nothing and needs him in a very real way, and this gives him an excuse to just pour his entire self into her, fulfilling one of his deepest interpersonal needs. The best part is that she's super selfless and amazing and she loves him the same right back so its actually a beautiful thing they get going. Basically the idea of being anything less than perfect for her is so sad and horrible due to how fucked her life was that it drives the already caretaking Mike into overdrive to make her happy. Not at the cost of him still being an individual person, mind you. But that's the vibe. Also let me just say, all the self-sacrificing vibes and obsession and desperation can become toxic under certain circumstances and that is absolutely a feature not a bug. Sorry you don't like watching your faves yell at each other but we are not the same.

Anyway what the fuck was I talking about? AUs? Yeah ok so when translating Mike (AND THE OTHERS...and the others) into other stories there's more flexibility u kno because he's mostly just Some Guy. He really just needs (TO ME) an excuse to be fighting with Eleven (she has to be fighting something with the powers I know you gave her). He shouldn't be directly involved with whatever gave her the powers but he should generally know of and be somewhat affected by it. Or become aware of it/involved with it over time. Like in the show. You get it. Honestly his only real consistent character traits are being kinda moody and being the leader of the party in whatever vague or not way. And being intelligent. Like he has to be leader for a reason. I guess that's a decent base for a character right there.

oh right side note: you have to do something fun with her name. like she was basically branded Eleven by the freak that gave her the powers so u gotta take that energy and translate it into another branded name that has el in it because she needs to get the nickname ofc. unless its a cyberpunk au in which case Eleven is a pretty normal name and she can just go by that lmao.

So the point ig is Jane and Mike break up when they go away to different colleges and don't talk to each other again until their next high school reunion, while Mike and Eleven are...well you should know by now.

[ahiddenpath]

Writing/Life Talk

Chatting about writing and meds.

I saw my therapist today and told her that I haven't written much this year. I used to write daily, and it was never something I had to, like... Push myself into doing. I used to be confused, even, when people would say things like... I don't know, "writing is hard," or, "It's hard to get myself to do it." I had to do it, and it happened on its own, almost like breathing.

Ever since getting on my anxiety meds, it's a fight to even open a word processor.

My therapist explained that anxiety meds are "downers," in a fashion. An anxious brain is constantly firing, and when there is nothing for it to obsess over, it literally creates something to worry about. One of the only things that quieted my brain was writing; I literally had to do it to regulate.

My medicated brain no longer behaves like I'm in danger 24/7. I feel relaxed. When something troubling comes up, I recite the serenity prayer, identify what I CAN do and do it, and let go of what I can't fix. When I feel a big emotion, I walk myself through it. Umm... I feel like I'm failing to convey how different a place my brain is now. The other day, I tripped on my own feet while walking. In the past, I would have scolded myself: Pick up your feet, dumbass! Now, I am kind to myself. Careful, darling. Slow down, take your time.

Everything is better. I cannot convey the betterness and its scope to you. I'm so absurdly grateful.

But. But. I'm trying to figure out what to do with this new me, who suddenly is so much more patient, kind, and emotionally available. Who isn't living on her last nerve and eating up her energy trying (and sometimes failing) to manage an anxiety disorder. It's true that my physical health has been really difficult this year, and that has been difficult, but mental health wise, I'm... Well, it's such a huge change, but it's looking so promising right now.

But- again with the but, lol!- Yeah, my needs are different. I don't need to write, which is freaky, because I always have, literally my whole life. Before I knew how to write, I begged my mom for a journal, which I filled with drawings depicting what I wanted to say (which are totally incomprehensible to me now). Lately, rather than writing, I've been playing video games, playing kalimba (poorly), taking walks, pressing wildflowers, and journaling. I've also been a bit more social IRL, trying to ease into that more. And now that I'm feeling alright physically, I am restarting my old exercise routine. Oh, I've been reading, too.

My brain IS calm, as calm as any American brain can be in 2025, anyway. And I don't want to give the impression that people are more creative off their meds. It's just that now, writing is an activity I choose to do, rather than a daily necessity that is almost like a... Like an involuntary nervous system activity.

I feel really weird about that. Like- does that mean I'm not interested in writing the second I no longer need it to keep my anxiety in check? But agonizing over it like that doesn't help. I'm really just adjusting to my new needs. It's okay to explore different things, sometimes. But my therapist suggested that I schedule some writing time so I don't lose the skill and momentum, should I need it in the future.

So... I guess... Now I have to schedule the thing that used to be like breathing. It's a weird thought/feeling, but I guess that's where I am now.

To be honest, I also have complicated feelings about writing because of the state of fanfiction and fandom right now. I've spoken about this a million times, so I'll keep it brief: just last week alone, AO3 was scraped again to feed AI, and someone reposted a ton of unlocked works. My works are locked, so they should be fine, but... The risk/reward ratio to sharing work online is skewed waaay towards risk. I know that's also impacting my relationship with my fanworks. I've wondered if I should try an original piece, but I do want to finish my open projects. I'm fond of them.

Anyway, that's where I am now! I hope you are all managing to take care as best you can. Thanks so much for checking in with me, love you!

[alienwithabox]

1, 5, 12, 18, 39, 76, 77 for the fic asks! (I warned ya! 😉😁)

Thank you Kate!! These questions come from here and I'd be happy if other people asked more!

1) Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

For the last decade, nearly all of my fics have existed solely within my mind. To say I daydream a lot is an understatement. I've had some sort of maladaptive daydreaming disorder since I was quite young. On the upside, it generates a lot of ideas and scenes. On the downside, it's called "maladaptive" for a reason. Everything I write was initially drafted by my nightly pacings. I've only just now gotten into writing these ideas out again.

5) How many wips do you have? What fandoms/pairings are they for?

Okay so, counting only the written WIPs, I have one. It's a canon-compliant m/m Lost fic centred on an OC who was on Oceanic Flight 815 and his relationship with Ben Linus. It's still in its infancy but coming along nicely.

I have a few more things hovering around in my head.

Two for Person of Interest:

- Harold Finch x Trans Man OC. Harold's first real love re-enters his life (*side-eyes Machine*) and he can't find it in him to walk away, no matter how much he wants to in order to keep OC safe. Harold still loves Grace, it's just a case of this being the person he was supposed to be with.

- Canon-compliant Gen fic. Harold suddenly has custody of his now-teenage kid who is as much of a menace as Harold was in his youth. In the battle of nature vs nurture, nature won in a big way.

Two for Evil:

- Leland Townsend x Trans Man OC. Once long-time friend (and quiet admirer) of "Jacob Perry" remeets him, both having taken on new forms of themselves. There's redemption arc elements for Leland, based off the shreds of good that got revealed in S4. His usual corrupting tactics don't work on OC so he performs some of his former self's traits in order to draw OC in. This ends up emotionally wrecking him as he realises that OC loves the man he used to be, not his current self.

- Leland Townsend x Male OC. In juxtaposition to the above concept, this one is two morally dubious gays being morally dubious and gay. They manage to bring out both the worst and the best in each other; perfectly balanced as all things should be.

12) Do you outline your fics? If yes, how detailed are your outlines? How far do you stray from them?

I most definitely do outline my fics! Structure is an important part of my life as someone who struggles with executive dysfunction. Checklists, alarms, itemised lists, and itineraries are my lifeline. When I don't plan ahead and set realistic goals and timelines, I tend to lose focus, waste my time, and stress myself out so much that I accomplish less or nothing at all.

How detailed my fic outlines are depend on if I'm following a canon timeline of events or creating my own direction. When I go canon, I tend to go ham for the authenticity. For my Lost fic, for instance, I made a day-by-day timeline of the events of the show as a reference. It mainly focuses on what the MC is witnessing but sometimes mentions "off-screen" big events that I as the writer need to remember happen on that day. Some days have much shorter entries than others. It helps me orient the MC within the world; I want him to be able to refer to and be impacted by past events in a realistic way.

Something I've recently discovered doing that I think I'm gonna stick with from now on is little chapter notes. Each chapter has a Plot note with a few sentences covering the general events of the chapter and how many "page break" sections it'll have, a POV note to denote what character we're following in each section, a Relationship note to track the current emotions of the main couple (especially towards each other), and a Characters note to track the relationships the MC has with other characters. It might sound too rigid to some people but it helps me get the pacing of each chapter right and make sure I'm shifting character emotions in a way that makes sense.

18) Do you enjoy research? Which fic of yours required the most research?

I'm one of those people who will find out the rules of the world the story is set in an strictly adhere to them. Sure there can be a magical Island, a corporate organisation of 60 demonic houses, or a sentient A.I. that was built by one man...but these things also exist in an otherwise present day reality so you can bet your ass I'm gonna look up how long it takes to obtain a specific degree or job certification, what schools exist in this area, which train goes to what stations, and other extremely trivial yet grounding real world details.

The most research I ever did for a fic was for a character profile I made of a BBC Musketeers OC. I went full historically accurate and spent 14 hours straight writing what ended up being something like 10 pages on a character I never ended up doing anything with. She must've possessed me.

39) What’s your most self-indulgent wip?

All of my writing is self-indulgent. I have always written to express my own emotions, escape from my own life, and bring myself joy and catharsis. I only ever published things online because I figured one or two people might derive a bit of joy out of it. As I said earlier, every fic idea I have stems from daydreams, which means that all my OCs are, to some degree, self-inserts. I'm at peace with that, though, as so much of my lived experience includes things I want to see represented: gay men, trans men, neurodivergency, speech issues, physical disabilities, chronic pain, mental health issues, volatile family relationships.

My most self-indulgent is probably the one where Harold has a kid. All my OCs resemble different parts of me but this one is my catharsis fic, the one where I heal my inner child. This kid is gay, trans, autistic, hearing impaired, walks with a cane due to a hip and lower back injury, and had an abusive mother. He is respected, loved, protected, and prioritised by Harold. Despite his physical and mental conditions, the rest of Team Machine don't underestimate his capabilities; Harold does though because it's basically his job to think his child is made of glass. He's a tech whiz like his dad, a practiced liar, is pretty good at using his cane as a melee weapon, and gets to hear the Machine's God Mode communication through his hearing aids. Making the Machine conversing with hearing impaired people a theme was too good to pass up.

76) How do you deal with writing pressure, whether internal or external?

I don't receive any external pressure, thank goodness, but I guess the closest thing to internal pressure I feel is the deeply seeded doubts I have about my ability to write linear stories. My 9th grade English teacher really tore the soul out of every writer in our class and restricted our creative writing so much that I basically stopped writing. It's a whole long, upsetting story that I won't get into but the gist is that I'm still unpacking that damage and fighting against the urge to give up.

77) Why do you enjoy writing fanfiction?

I pretty much covered this above in the self-indulgent question. To reiterate, it's an outlet for my imagination, my emotions, and my need for escape.

[cosmic-giraffe]

My ideas on who the culprit(s) could be

Now, I'm going in order of least likely to most likely according to ME. I could be way off the mark but these are just my own feelings on the matter 😭

1) Watari

This is purely because she said she would go and fetch Hayashi and Yanagi to help her and Hama investigate Kamimura's body in the art room, but didn't return with them when they did arrive.

She was gone for all of a few minutes, which is definitely not enough time to set up the trap in the woodshop entrance. Not to mention how she went above and beyond by using the luminol from the chem lab to investigate Kamimura's crime scene.

But I'm putting her here anyway because if she DOES turn out to be the killer and this is the nail in the coffin as to why, I'll scream in shock at how I managed to pick up on such a little detail.

2) Ken

I really don't think Ken had anything to do with either murder. For one, he discovered Kamimura's body and triggered the alarm, which automatically clears him as a suspect (the alarm only goes off when somebody other than the killer stumbles across a body for the first time). I'm hoping this means he also had nothing to do with the trap in the woodshop either.

3) Wada

He's OBVIOUSLY being framed. From the forged note to the saw perfectly placed in his attached shower, everything seems way too obvious for it to be Wada. He would have had no incentive to kill anybody, much less Kamimura.

Now, it could be argued that he set up the trap in the art supply room in the hopes of killing Okazaki for all the abuse they'd inflicted on him. But instead, he accidentally killed Kamimura.

If this is the case, why would Wada go on to to absolutely MANGLE his body after his death? There would be no point. Similarly to Ken, he can be ruled out as a suspect in Tsuno's death because he was present for her death and so triggered the body discovery alert. If he set up two traps and failed each time, then it wouldn't have gone off for Tsuno's death.

4) Okazaki

I really don't think Okazaki did either murder. But if I'm pushing it, they MAY have tampered with the case Byakuya-style.

Firstly, Okazaki is another painfully obvious suspect in this case. They're outwardly violent, sadistic, and creepy. That's why it's so hard to imagine them actually killing, because it would be immediately obvious it was them.

Secondly, I think one or both of the traps had been set up for them. By who, I'll get to later. But after Kamimura was caught in the first and died, maybe Okazaki carried out their desire for there to be a "more interesting murder" by desecrating his corpse in such a brutal, heartless way.

It's obvious that there was no gain on the killer's end to Kamimura losing his head, tongue, and being bound. I'm thinking that Kamimura got staked in the gut upon entering the art supply room, which disemboweled and killed him (obviously). The killer comes along, sees that they potentially got the wrong person (if Kamimura is indeed not the intended target), and dismantles their trap, and sets it up again in the woodshop.

Then Okazaki comes along and, pulling a Chapter 2 Byakuya move, decides to make things more interesting by messing with his body. Severing the tongue, decapitating the head, tying Kamimura to the chair with his own hoodie to make it look like torture, etc.

As for Tsuno's death, that trap could very well have been intended for Okazaki too. But as they didn't enter the woodshop, it didn't get them again.

Idk, there's just something about Okazaki being the killer that doesn't feel right. There's a bunch of missing pieces to this puzzle.

I can only see Okazaki being a killer if they had an accomplice..

5) Tamba

Tamba was not present at ALL this investigation. Neither was Okazaki for that matter, which could be drafted up as neither of them finding anything of note during their investigation, but that seems a little too perfect of an excuse. We've had episodes dedicated to portions where the investigation draws up nothing, and they're still included.

It is possible that Okazaki and Tamba were working together in this case. I believe the original rule from DR, that being an accomplice has nothing to gain from assisting in a murder, applies to Tetro. But since there were TWO murders committed, potentially by two different people, then maybe there are two blackened for this case.

That would give these two the opportunity to get out together, if they did indeed work together.

Another thing is that Tamba, in the short time we saw her at the start of the investigation, was VERY adamant about not investigating the woodshop. She said this was for fear of coming across Kamimura's severed head (which hadn't been discovered at this point, and believed to have been removed with a saw from the woodshop). Although, it could also just as easily be because she was aware a trap had been laid within the woodshop, and wasn't about to get herself skewered.

Maybe Okazaki set up one trap and Tamba another? Maybe Tamba set up both? Maybe she intended to kill Kamimura? Or Hayashi? Or even Okazaki in a total backstabbing move. Similarly to how Celeste killed Hifumi once he killed Taka, Tamba was hoping Okazaki would die next and thus get rid of the only person who knew of her involvement?

Tamba is very sus to me.

6) Yanagi

Yanagi has been giving me weird vibes the whole investigation. From him sleeping through not just the whole night and morning, but also the body discovery alert that rang throughout the whole school. That is very strange behaviour for Yanagi.

He could have been exhausted from spending the whole night setting up the traps in the art supply room and woodshop, and potentially dismembering Kazutoshi's body when he stumbled into one such trap.

And since he'd been sleeping shirtless in a school that was -15 degrees below freezing, that could be because of two reasons. One, that he got blood splattered on them and had to dispose of them (potentially in the incinerator close by). Second, because he knew that as soon as a murder had been committed, the temperature in the school would rise, allowing him a more comfortable sleep.

Similar to how Sasaki took advantage of the no-sleeping motive being lifted in the first chapter as soon as she killed Isono.

Yanagi is definitely suspicious for those reasons, and even Mai is picking up on them. But time will tell.

And finally...

6) Ojima

This is my most out there and unprecedented suspect, but here's here for a few reasons. I hate to imagine Ojima doing something so cruel to Kamimura and Tsuno, but the idea has been clinging to my brain since Friday and I need to get it out 😭

Firstly, Ojima was up VERY early in the morning. Early enough to walk in on Hiroaki about to end his own life with the pills he had in his room. Ojima being up so early could just have been him wanting to start the day early, but how easily can we trust that idea?

The school was well below freezing by this point, morale was at an all-time low, and he'd just had a big blowout with Hiroaki. Him being up and chipper doesn't seem very realistic, especially for Ojima's characterization so far.

I personally think that Ojima got up very early in order to set up the trap in the art supply room. My evidence for Ojima being aware of the trap in the art supply room is because during breakfast, when Hiroaki mentions he's gonna spend the day drawing, Ojima IMMEDIATELY responds with "In the art room?"

Ojima definitely didn't want Hiroaki in there. Either because he would come across the trap set in the supply room, or worse, fall victim to it.

Which, unfortunately, did happen for Kamimura. I really don't think Ojima was out to get Kamimura. He was out to get Okazaki.

Ojima was one of the very few people who knew of the abuse Wada was facing at the hands of Okazaki. And since both of them had experienced abuse in the past, maybe that brought a flood of repressed memories to the surface for Ojima. Enraged and wanting to get vengeance for the both of them, Ojima set up the stakes in the art supply room in hopes of killing Okazaki.

But obviously he failed. So instead, he dismantled the trap and set it up again in the woodshop, hoping to get them this time.

And instead, he got Tsuno.

Another thing that stuck out to me as odd this investigation was that Ojima never disassociated ONCE. Now I'm not saying this is indicative of guilt or that he can control when he falls into lapses of out-of-touchedness. But I am saying that in the previous two investigations and even throughout the normal days, Ojima has been "out of it" at least a couple times.

Hell, for Chiba's investigation he was gone for almost it's entirety. But for this investigation, Ojima was VERY present, leading a distraught Ken around, telling him that he can express his negative emotions as soon as the trial is over.

This all sounds well and good, but to me it's very out of character for Ojima. I might be totally wrong but it's still something I thought of.

This was a very long post to write!! But I'm glad I did, just so I can look back on it on Friday and see how right or wrong I was 😭😭

[oflgtfol]

MarvelDC anon x5 sorry im back again I just wanted to say I agree 100% with everything you say and don’t rly have anything to add there that isnt just recycling your points. It’s genuinely fucking crazy how the entire point of the superhero in 90% of cases is that they are vigilantes who operate outside of the legal system and yet so many of them are given plot lines about how the cops or the military are Awesome. Or like will show them buddy buddy with cops or the government. LIKE STOP ITTTT. STOP ITTTTT. And most of the time too it’s for characters where them being hyper connected with the government etc makes their overall story Worse. Ill use flash as an example bc You Know that guy but I LOVE flash I love him as a disabled character struggling w addiction issues for personal reasons BUT HIM LOSING HIS LEGS LIKE SHOOTING PEOPLE IN THE SWANA REGION AND THEN BECOMING A GOVERNMENT GUY IS SO FUCKING ASSSSSSS IT MAKES HIM WORSE AS A CHARACTER AND A PERSON IN A WAY THAT ISNT INTERESTING BECAUSE THEY NEVER SAY ANYTHING INTERESTING ABOUT IT!!!!! Like why the fuck did Flash even become disabled in regard to Going To Commit Imperialism For The U. S. A like NYC gets destroyed on the daily!!!! Have him lose his legs by a building falling on top of him!!!! Im spitballing ideas here but why wasn’t Venom Flash uhhhhhh Him Losing his legs in an event like that, in conjunction with him saving someone else, since this is the era of Symby and Eddie's breakup Symby is slithering along + sees this and helps him out, bc you know they can make their own choices and do what they want and maybe they wanna be a hero too even for a moment, then like maybe a few months later or whatever They Meet again and Symby is like hey….. I felt something when we bonded for that brief time. Im going through something rough too right now (The Divorce) so why don’t we try something new together. AND NOW BOOM. you can have Flash as Venom. Now without the stupid venom as addiction metaphor too! Like if you really fucking want you can include stuff about the government trying to manipulate them or whatever but as a whole this would have been so much better of an angle to start venom flash with but NO that we DIDNT GET Because Of The Military Complex meaning We Cant Ever Have Good Things

i know this is so controversial among the venom fans but like i'm really not that attached to flash lmfao i know nothing about him he's just some guy to me i just know he's so much better than mac gargan cuz by god that was a dark time for venom comics.

so now i'm the one nodding along with you and not adding anything lol. i trust you to come up with a better backstory for him because i literally don't know anything about him beyond the vaguest outline. i don't even know what war he fought in that he lost his legs to i dont know Anything. eddie some little absolute freak to me but flash is just some guy

Like if you really fucking want you can include stuff about the government trying to manipulate them or whatever but as a whole this would have been so much better of an angle to start venom flash with but NO that we DIDNT GET Because Of The Military Complex meaning We Cant Ever Have Good Things

i do have to say though that this is totally how i thought venom 2011 was going to go. the first like, four-ish issues got my hopes up so much. i really honestly thought it was going to be drawing parallels between symby and flash how they are ultimately just tools of the government, just weapons that can be discarded in pushing the military's agenda.

this whole page drove me insane at the time and it still kinda does. the way flash is lying directly to his superior to stay with symby longer despite how much he's been drilled that being with the symbiote too long is a danger. they aren't friends yet this early but there's still this impulse to stick with it. and it's because they're parallels!!! the symbiote is quite literally being treated as a mindless tool by the government - it's deprived of all rights that a sentient, sapient being requires. it's trapped and it's being forced into serving and fighting on behalf of a government that doesn't even care for it. likewise, flash is being given the illusion of choice, and to some extent he still does have a choice, but he's being so manipulated by the government here that really he is also just a mindless tool for them - or at least, they want him to be mindless about it. the final fucking panel at the bottom of the final page is crazy.

it was such a strong start to a run that i was very apprehensive about due to aforementioned lack of knowledge of flash as a character, and my general fed-up-ness with the way the comics had been handling venom and eddie in general during that irl time period. so i was so so hoping that it would be taking a blatant and staunch anti-military stance, or even at the bare minimum if it was even still done in a liberal way, as long as there was still SOME criticism of the military complex i would be jumping for joy. and the idea of flash and symby then also bonding during all that?!! crazy. but then it just kinda. goes off the fucking rails halfway through that run/??? like demons and hell and satan kinda off the rails. absolute bonkers. i need to reread venom 2011 actually i barely remember it it was like a fever dream to me. could have been because i descended into madness shortly after i read it but i digress

[ideas-4-stories]

Warning: Mpreg

Cross Guild Romance prompt: Modern AU. Mihawk and Crocodile are happily married but neither are mpreg capable. A law gets passed where couples such as them must have an mpreg capable. They are matched up with Buggy. Mihawk and Crocodile are sour to the idea of anyone else joining their marriage but they have no choice. They marry Buggy but want nothing to do with him. Buggy is sad and lonely despite having two husbands. His every attempt to even get to know they men he's bound to is rejected. One day he angrily confronts them and it leads to this appalling row where Mihawk and Crocodile say all manner of cruel and hurtful things towards Buggy. It takes a left turn into unexpected passion as they fall into bed together and have angry, passionate sex. Buggy thinks this is finally the turning point only for Mihawk and Crocodile to reject him again. It's even worse now than before, and a few weeks later Buggy starts to feel sick in the mornings. He's pregnant but before he can share the news with Mihawk and Crocodile he overhears them planning to divorce him and set him free. Buggy loses his shit. He rips his husbands to ribbons and says that they can kiss all thoughts of divorce goodbye because he's not going anywhere. He starts bossing them around, demanding anything and everything from weird food to hours of cuddling. Mihawk and Crocodile have no choice but to acquiesce to their pregnant husband. In the process they start to finally fall in love. Buggy's still plenty bitter so he won't make winning his heart easy for these two idiots he's loved from day one.

Damn, the clown got pissed and baby trapped those two numbskulls. So fun and interesting... well it's so weird that in fiction. There's a lot of things that okay to red, but not in real life. Anyway, back to this!

So basically they all have a Preup in marriage? So it seems, that they needed to get a person that could have children quickly. So they signed something and Buggy did to because who else would want to be with him (many people, Buggy. Your poor self-esteem is showing) So what I think Buggy is thinking, that because they are his husbands now. He must love them and that became true for him... Maybe. I'm not sure what Buggy was thinking.

HELL FUCK YEAH!!! Buggy getting pissed, because they all signed the papers and had a wedding... right? Anyway, I want to Buggy pissed off. I want to see him being petty with insults and facts. LET THE CLOWN SCREAM IT OUT!!!

Them having to do so weird things, but I think what Buggy draws the line is helping him doing some... naughty things. Because that's just wrong to make someone do.

Bonus if it's either twins or triplets that Buggy has. Because I don't know, it just seems funny that they would have more than one.

[noahsbookhoard]

📚September 2024 Book Review (Part 3/4)📚

Have you ever been so bored in a book that you though you should catch up on months late blog posts with subsequent guilt instead of reading it? That's where I'm at. December's review is going to be tough.

Rosemary and Rue (October Daye #1) by Seanan McGuire

October Daye is a changeling, unable to fit in either the fae world or the human one she was trying to live a dull but safe life away from fae court. It all goes away when Countess Evening Winterose is murdered and binds her in a curse. To save her own life she must investigate, which draws her back in the convoluted world of the fae.

I don't know how I avoided reading Seanan McGuire's novel for so long, with her being active on this hellsite and me having Ocotber Daye as a contestant in my short foray into Tournament Tumblr (and now I understand the sadness of October Daye's fan with her champion losing so soon: she would have kicked ass as out new King Arthur, although she might have complained that she had to do it)

I really loved it! Urban Fantasy is not something I read a lot which is a shame because there's some gems out there. Toby is a really badass protagonist, I loved how the worldbuding mixes modernity and magic in a way that felt so natural (before now I never questioned the logistic of putting a curse on someone through answering machine). The characters even manage to be annoying in an engaging way! I also loved all the protocol and decorum involved in the fae court, maybe even more since it drew a sharp contrast with the outside/human world. It felt so much more magical.

Book 2 is on the TBR pile and I really want to read it before the end of the year. I might have to move it up a notch or two but it would be worth it.

Ilos by Marion Brunet

Due to climate change, earthquakes and the rise in sea level, Marseille is an underwater city. Nolane is a diver, finding valuables in flooded apartment and so was her bother before his death. Determined to avenge her brother, she gets hired by The Commodore, the powerful man and with the help of her friend will work to overthrow his rule on the city.

I read very little middle grade bit this one had an interesting idea and takes place in a city I know so I was curious. With my expectation sets on the right parameters it was a really nice book! The pacing was well metered and the multiples point of view allowed for more issues to be brought up without having one main character being the Super Hero Saving Everyone From Everything which would have been boring. The kids are actually a good team and although the Villain is a bit caricatural he isn't boring and the threat feels real (also because the stakes includes actual contemporary threats, it makes it more palatable to us readers)

It isn't that subtle in its message but climat change and immigration are subjects on which we are waaaaay past subtlety. 2052 isn't that long in the future and the prediction the book makes are pretty close to what scientist are warning is about.

A fun read for early Young Adult or late Middle Grade. Book 2 came out recently and I'll be sure to read it.

Les Hauts de Hurlevent (Wuthering Heights) by Emily Brontë

The intrication of two families, the Earnshaws and the Linton, with its lot of love, hate, cruelty and vengeance.

Ooooh I'm gonna make people mad...

It's a classic, it is very well written, it speaks of very important societal issue of its time. But at some point I grew a bit bored of bad people doing bad things to other bad people out of love, hate and sometimes both.

The characters is the main cause of annoyance, they are all pushing their worst trait forward and bringing each other down. It made for some interesting plot and development but it's always downward to misery. At the end there is a sliver of hope but through the rest of it nothing brought me much joy. Where I might be biased I read it for entertainment, which means the literary qualities and social critic of the novel were not my main interest. There are there, I could see that, but I was more invested in the story and that aspect was gloomy. I can see why it is some people's favorite book, it just did not hit me the right way.

Did I like it? No. Did I dislike it? Hard to say! That's a must read but if I read it again it should be with a totally different frame of mind.

The Rest of the Robots (Robot Cycle #2) by Isaac Asimov

The second compilation of 8 short stories, furthering the exploration of the positioning robots and 3 laws of robotic and their limits

This book has the probably which a lot of short stories compilation have: One Good Story and A Lot of Very Mid One. Three months later I only remember 2 of them, the first one because it was funny and the fourth one because it gave me chills.

"Robot AL-76 Goes Astray" takes a spin on something that had been introduced before but never exploited: the fact that robots aren't allowed on Earth. It's a pretty comical one with a bit of a sitcom vibe. It felt a little like a Phineas and Ferb episode, with absurdly wild things happening but somehow somersaulting back to the start when the robotists finally arrive.

"Let's Get Together" does a good job at introducing hints to what is really going on. I caught it just before the characters did and got this oh no moment that feel so good! Not a very roboty one, but a really really good one.

In the 6 others there are 3 I found really bizarre in the description of Human-Robot relationships, and 2 did not mark me at all.

The last one, that slipped my mind but seems more contemporary now than ever was "Galley Slave": it's a trial in which a professor is accusing a robot tasked with proofreading to have altered his book and harmed his reputation. In the era of generative AI being used for basically anything the story seemed pertinent even thought the story unsurprisingly takes the side of the robot. At least it ta kles the issue and has some interesting things to say, a must read even if it isn't the best of the bunch.

[bthingsart]

1. Blender? I keep wanting to get into 3D modeling, but then I don't.

2. They're all about the same. Drawing comics and other narrative-oriented stuff kinda helps force me to draw people in different perspectives and poses.

3. Inanimate objects coming to life. Not being a huge fan of authority.

4. Hats with brims, like fedoras, cowboy hats, pork pie hats, etc. There are so many curves to keep track of ON TOP of making sure it looks like the hat is (a) on the person's head and (b) pointed the right direction. But hats are cool, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. 90% / 10%…Most of what I draw ends up being posted, because I'm trying (as best as I can) to make a living off of this.

6. I had someone say once that my art style reminded them of Scooby Doo, and I was like, "I didn't mean for that to happen, but I am a bit of a Scooby Doo nut!"

7. I find almost all art media to be cool and interesting in one way or another. I especially like print making, though (particularly woodblock), and I haven't done any of my own…yet!

8. Vlogging/educational YouTube videos. Aside from that, there are just stories and things that I've had ideas for, but I don't see those as losing interest so much as they just aren't where I need them to be yet.

9. yyyy-mm-dd-PieceTitle.<extension>

10. All of them. Clothes are interesting.

11. I often play YouTube videos in the background. The topics are varied. Often a mix of art, crafting, cars, movies, comics, retro tech, science, history (mostly things that AREN'T wars), One Piece, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Disney parks.

12. Anything but ankles and butts.

13. They're writers, but George R. R. Martin and Alan Moore. I'm not really a fan of their stuff, but I enjoy reading and listening to them discuss their approaches to storytelling and such.

14. People being themselves and being happy.

15. Mostly in my art studio.

16. I don't know…I like most of the process.

17. I usually have water to drink. Sometimes soda ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

18. Very few. Pretty much just a mechanical pencil one time and my brush pen another time, when I left it un-capped all day by accident :P

19. Glass/translucent objects.

20. Hands and feet.

21. Realistic and photorealistic. I tend to draw things more cartoony, but I think it's really cool when someone can realistically capture things like light and texture just with lines or paint strokes. I really like Alex Ross, for instance, but my art style is nothing like his.

22. I wake up.

23. If this means blending modes, then yes, I do…when it helps achieve the look I'm going for.

24. Not very often.

25. My art was compared to anime a little bit before I had ever really watched any anime. Of course, now I'm really into anime, so it has been incorporated. Still, I think my art style is still mostly inspired by things like Disney and Looney Tunes, which, to be fair, may have inspired certain mangaka and anime artists, especially going back to Tezuka and stuff.

26. Idk…I haven't really had an experience like that (yet).

27. No. I just kinda start drawing what I need to draw.

28. I had a 4-page comic in a music-inspired anthology a year ago. I also had a table at a local comic con a few months ago.

29. Everything inspires me. Part of my problem is that I will find things that touch me and then want desperately to make something like that, even though I'm in the middle of three projects that I want to finish 🙃

30. This one that I did of Frieren last year:

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game

Didn't see a lot of artist ask games, wanted to make a silly one.

(I wrote this while sick out of my mind last year and it's been collecting dust in my drafts, I might as well let it run free) 1. Art programs you have but don't use

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

3. What ideas come from when you were little

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

9. What are your file name conventions

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

12. Easiest part of body to draw

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

14. Any favorite motifs

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

23. Do you use different layer modes

24. Do your references include stock images

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

[atropos-invicta]

an update to the status of my crumbling mind

He says there's a 90% chance he won't touch me again if I don't lose weight. A 25-30% chance he won't touch me even if I do lose weight.

Barring reproductive intent, of course. Because he wants kids. Of course he wants kids.

But what happens when my body is "ruined" after children? When it sags and has silvery stretch marks everywhere? When I can't lose the leftover weight from pregnancy, because it's less "excess weight" and more "your body contorted itself around a being and can never go back to how it was before?"

Because he isn't physically attracted to me now. (Now. Now; this time; today, because it always changes - now he says he can't get to the point of physical attraction anymore with me. Last time we talked, it was because he just didn't think sex was a part of a romantic relationship. What is it, really? The issue? Will I ever know?) Which means there's no way he'll be attracted to me then. He's a visual creature; all men are, and I'm not his type anymore. Was I ever? Will I ever be again?

Do I want to be?

Do I want to be. Isn't that a statement.

Gods, it sucks being more in love with someone else than they are with you. It fucking sucks being attracted to someone's mind when they couldn't care less about that (or maybe he does, but it will not be enough - is not enough); they only find themselves attracted to your body. It creates a cracked, aching feeling in your chest when you realize that no matter what, the way you look will always be more fucking important than you, in and of yourself.

And the cherry on top? It makes me feel like a hypocrite. How many times have I reaffirmed for others that their worth is not tied into their physical appearance? That the most important thing is health, not whether or not they conform to arbitrary standards of beauty because, after all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and chasing perfection will lead to nothing but heartbreak. Perfection is an ever-changing, unattainable goalpost with inherent flaws in its own right.

How many times have I tried to drill into someone's head that they should be loved for who they are, not what they look like? That they should reject the imposed beliefs of anyone and anything that tells them anything other than well-being matters? And yet here I am, contemplating whether or not I am willing to remain with someone who has stated that he holds no sexual interest in me due to my appearance.

Sex is so important to me. The connection, the vulnerability - it is integral to my sense of fulfillment and value in a romantic relationship. The trust required to permit someone to see you laid bare and then to touch you? The quiet wonder from marveling in each other? From delighting in the touch of your partner, and in touching them? From drawing such private responses from them that are only shared between the two of you?

Mm. It is glaringly obvious that my love language of choice is touch. Idiot that I am.

Furthermore, I miss having him look at me with hungry eyes. Nobody looks at me like that. Nobody looks at me like they need me; like they crave my existence; like I am water and they have been crawling towards an oasis (kissing him was easy as taking a drink). Nobody gazes at me. Nobody even sees me most of the time - that's my fault, to an extent, but is it really unfair to hope that he would ask me if I was okay? If he would ask me how I'm doing even just once a month? And not in the "oh, I can see you stubbed your toe and are in immediate physical pain" way, in the "are you okay? Is your mind overwhelming you? Would you like me to hold you?" kind of way.

I look at him like I am starving. Like he is the only one I would have ever wanted. When he smiles? Or laughs? Or demonstrates his knowledge, his enthusiasm, his pride? I look at him like he is sacred because to me, he is. He is the sun breaking through the clouds above me and he gilds everything he touches.

He does not look at me like this.

Is any of this fair of me? I firmly believe everyone is entitled to their preferences, which means I cannot be upset that he is no longer attracted to me. And a marriage is not dependent on sex; there is so much more to a relationship than sex. I have no right to be putting so much weight onto that as a singular concept. It isn't fair to be upset with things I am not receiving when they are not necessary to a relationship.

And, I've always been good at hiding how I'm doing. It is a point of pride that I am very good at being very invisible when I want to be. But -

That's inaccurate. He picks up on it. He walks on eggshells when he realizes I'm upset. Sometimes, rarely but sometimes, he asks if I'm okay. Always "did I do something to upset you?" And coward that I am, I say nothing because I would rather not deal with his pussyfooting around any more than he already is because he beats himself up mentally for not providing the connection; I grow more hollow wishing for it but knowing that asking only ever leads to further distress on his part and no resolution in any way.

So I have no right to be upset.

[northwest-cryptid]

Bestie I took a whole ass class in college on coding at a school *known* for its programming degrees and teaching newbies how to code and I failed

Please do not underestimate how fucking stupid i am (not judging just like ofc you lose everyone when you bring up coding that shit hard)

Alright so a couple things here, right out the gate the fact you're bringing this up means you actually read my lengthy post about this topic so hey, thank you. I'm gonna say a lot of stuff here and I want to make it super clear that at no point am I ever trying to intentionally sound judgemental, or like I'm pointing a finger, or calling anyone out or anything of the sort. I have, genuinely; nothing but respect. But I'm also very bad with written tone so please understand that if at any point I sound condescending or whatever it's not at all intended. I don't think any of this will come across that way, but I figured I'd say something up front; since we're having a conversation in which we disagree on something. I don't see you as "wrong" or me as "right" I see us as people who disagree on a subject, and that's fine I feel like you've not been rude or anything, I don't want to be rude or anything; hopefully that makes sense, I'm gonna stop rambling about this and start rambling about the actual topic now.

I also want to quickly say you're not incapable of learning. You may not have learned well being taught the way they taught at that school, but just because a school is known for being good at something; doesn't actually mean that's the end all be all way to do it. I also took a college programming class, specifically for C# and I did not do very well. Because simply put, I didn't do well in school settings. Being taught the way they taught, didn't click with me; and I didn't really have an interest in learning what they wanted me to.

A couple of years later, I want to kinda mess around with Unity and VRChat stuff and suddenly not only did I learn C#, self taught; but I learned UDON and how to convert between the two. Why? Because when I actually you know, was being taught in a way that worked for me, and on a topic that interested me personally. I had an easier time with it. Everyone regardless of how smart or stupid they may believe themselves to be, is going to struggle if they're not being taught in a way that makes sense to them.

Coding isn't necessarily hard so much as it's frightening. It's intimidating because it's asking effort of someone in an area they're unfamiliar with, but then that's literally everything. It's very interesting to me just what people are willing to learn; but then also what people aren't. Programming is perceived as something for "nerds" something difficult, something hard.

The reality of it is, if you can learn a second language, if you can learn to draw, if you can learn a musical instrument, if you read the sentence "lol brb afk lmao" then yes, you can learn to code.

In fact, if you can play a video game, you can learn to code. I'm not joking, all coding is; is a list of rules. That's it, understanding it is no different than understanding how a game functions. If someone looks at a game of chess, or FFXIV and doesn't know the game; they see this incomprehensible mess.

"Why can the Knight jump pieces? Why does the Rook move that far? How come a pawn can only capture diagonal? Why can't I move this piece here?" Or "What does that icon mean? What does this skill do? Why is everyone grouping up? Why is this timer ticking down? Why is my tank suddenly at 1 HP?" Is literally no different from "why is that text bold? Why is that column there? Why is this text scrolling?"

The difference is that people think games are easy, and they don't skip over the easy stuff.

I cannot tell you how many times I've tried to explain HTML to someone and they go "yea yea I know "Hello World" get to the good stuff, how do I put an image in here?" and I have to explain that you put the image in there the same way you put the "Hello World" in there, you need to know that first.

Now listen I'm not saying EVERYONE can play FFXIV either, I'm saying the people who want to, do. I'm saying the people who want to pick up a DPS class learn the rotation, even if that rotation looks like this:

The problem with coding is that there's this stigma of difficulty around it. The only programmers people seem to talk about are accomplished people or they seem impressive with what they can do. They work programming jobs, they do it professionally or whatever.

Let's not forget that Yandere Dev programmed an entire game, extremely mid programming for an extremely mid game sure; but you can't deny that he did it.

People don't go into playing chess, expecting to either be Gukesh Dommaraju or to quit on their first game. That's the current world champion, who defeated the previous champion Ding Liren in the 2024 World Chess Championship. According to wikipedia I'm not gonna claim to know anything about competitive chess so you know, just an example.

What I'm getting at with all of this is, even if you are; and I'm gonna say this right now I have no right to make a statement on this so your words not mine; "stupid" you can learn coding if you want to. However the other big thing, that people don't even consider, is that you don't HAVE to.

There are TONS of resources, website builders; and free to use CSS and HTML code out there as auxiliary options. For example,

Eggramen's Testpages

Teppy's layouts

Templaterr

If all of that is too complicated for someone there's even stuff like Sadgrl's Layout Builder:

It literally uses drop downs and sliders, then you click generate and it just spits out the HTML you can copy and paste, edit it however you want.

I always feel bad when people say coding is hard. Because people have a seemingly weird idea of what coding is.

Like, alright hear me out real quick... a Website is literally just this:

<html> <head><title>your title here</title></head> <body><p>paragraph text here</p></body> </html>

Then we click save, check the website and, wow hey look at that:

Understanding this is simple.

HTML uses tags, tags come in those little < > brackets. We know websites are written in the markup language (the ML of HTML) HTML so we'll go ahead and define our code as such with:

<html>

^ Cool, that's done, now our code knows it's HTML. Now we should also keep in mind that to close out any tag we just use the same tag with a forward slash in front of it... which means our code looks like this now:

<html>

</html>

Everything we want to display on the website goes in that element (a container created by tags), because we're literally telling the code "everything from here to here is html code, use it to write the website." Well Websites typically have a little name in the tab right? That tab is called the Title. We're going to put that in the <Head> tag, this is because websites have two major areas; the Head and the Body. The Head determines how the actual website will look; not what will go on it, the Body determines what will actually go ON the website.

But hey one thing at a time, let's say we don't know or care about the difference between head and body. So we just put this:

<html>

<title> Title </title>

</html>

Does this work?

Oh hey look at that it does.

Well okay but then what if I want to write something on the web page?

Well we use a paragraph for that, it's denoted by the <p> </p> tag. So then what happens if we completely ignore Head and Body?

Would this actually work?

Oh hey look at that, it does.

What I've just told you can easily translate to "The pawn can move one space forward, but on it's first turn it can move two spaces!" It's very simple, but just like how this would be a very simple website with nothing much to it, you're going to have a hard time playing Chess if all you know how to do is move a pawn forward.

Because eventually that pawn is going to collide with another pawn and you're going to try to move your pawn onto mine and I'm going to say "oh uh, pawns can't capture like that; they capture diagonally." Or in the case of HTML "Hey you probably want more to your website than just white space and black text." Right, so then what's the solution exactly? Well hey let's start with adding a column, maybe a side bar?

Well okay for that we'll need to use a flex, but that sounds complicated and we want to keep things simple right? No one is trying to teach you The Sicilian Defense when you're trying to learn how to move your pawns! Sure it's related (I think) but I don't think it's necessarily a good way to TEACH someone the basics. So what? We just can't use a flex? Well actually, we can; but we're going to go about it in an absolutely simple manner.

Remember that layout builder I linked earlier? It had sidebars! We want sidebars! Let's generate an HTML with sidebars from that builder and then use THAT HTML to use a flex.

Yoink!

and that should do it...

Uh hey, where's the sidebar? Well we're missing a step. At the bottom of the page where we got the HTML it says something. "This code should be copied and pasted into the <body> </body> tags in an HTML file." Well shit we don't HAVE a Body tag.

Well we know everything has to go inside those tags, and we know how to use tags in general since we've been doing it this whole time! So let's go ahead and put a body tag just around the sidebar code!

Okay right, well...

This is a bit of an issue isn't it? I mean come on, we did everything it said; but we still don't have a nice sidebar with a box and everything. It's just kind of there. So how do we get it to make a box around the text and create a proper sidebar? We even included a flex didn't we?

Well sure, but let's take a step back and think about it like this, what are we trying to achieve here? Well we want there to be a box around our words for the updates segment right? That box should look like this:

But our website is just a white void with nothing around it... hold on wait a second. Our website is just a white void. Because we didn't actually copy any of the properties that change the LOOK of the website, only the properties that tell the website what goes on it.

Looking at the image we can see a background, and various colors, and the text is a different color; our website doesn't look like that, so we must be missing something.

Everything for the CODE to create the box is there, but it doesn't know what the box actually looks like. Because we never told it. That's where Style comes in, Style often pairs with CSS, and you'd see this if you searched for things like "how to change a background color" or "how to change text color in HTML" you'd probably find a guide like this:

So let's look for the Style tag in the HTML that we're pulling the header from:

^ It's there, and we know that elements have to have a start and end tag; so let's go ahead and find the end tag; and copy everything in between; making sure we place it in the body of our code.

Oh hey! There's the box, and even the background; and now the text has different colors. Well hey I kinda don't like this background, I would like to change it but I don't really get how...

Looking at our HTML we literally copy and pasted, we can see body-bg-image. with a url. So wait, what happens if I change the URL.

Oh hell yea, I hate it. But the tiling bothers me, I want the image to be bigger; how do I do that?

Well again this is laid out for us:

Let's try to set the size to be 100% of the x and 100% of the y, we can even tell it "Repeat Background, no"

Again; does this work?

YOU KNOW IT BAYBEE.

So obviously I'm just kinda having a bit of fun going over some silly stuff here, but my point with all of this is to hopefully show that you really don't even have to know what you're doing. You can take what other people have out there for you and mess with it, edit it; change it, see what you like.

The best part is that it's honestly very simple if you look at it's component parts. Coding is intimidating, because it's all "nested" meaning they clump all the shit together and you're looking at hex codes and fancy brackets and going "what does ANY of this mean?!" and in reality it just kinda, holds everything together.

Truth be told, and I'm allowed to say this; I'm a fucking idiot. You went to college, I flunked out of high school because I got my credits taken away when my principle BELIEVED WITHOUT EVIDENCE that I cheated to earn a credit for algebra 2 because I flunked algebra 1. You know why I flunked 1 but aced 2? Because my algebra 2 teacher could actually teach me, as an autistic student; in a way that made sense to me. I'm actually a fuckin' idiot. I have a disability that makes learning difficult for me. I do not have the coding autism, I have the ADHD and MMORPG autism. But I can understand HTML because it's actually really simple when you break it down and look at how it all fits together.

It's a misconception that coding is HARD because coding is intimidating. People get scared of it because they see this lengthy code of letters and shorthand they don't know, and think "well I'm too stupid to learn that."

My friend, you learn tons of shit everyday. Most people on this website can recite a meme based on an image alone. Believe me, you have the potential; and here's the truth, if you absolutely do not want to learn coding for HTML; just don't. Use the resources available to build your website without ever having to learn to code. You don't have to. You can still have a really unique personal website without ever having to actually sit down and learn HTML. You can do that. People have made it exceptionally easy to use layout builders, or CSS style codes; you can edit them, you can replace parts and bits. It's all made to be as easy as possible for someone who doesn't know ANYTHING about HTML. There's no shame in using those things, I use those things even now as someone who knows a good bit of HTML. I'm still learning mind you, but I can learn; and I can use those tools in the meantime to patch up the gaps in my knowledge.

I tend to lose people not because coding is necessarily difficult, but because coding takes effort; and it's effort that a lot of people don't want to put in to having their own space online. Which, honestly; is fine.

Some people don't care about the indie web, they ARE complacent with centralized websites, they don't mind social media; they're genuinely happy with just having an account on a website ran by some random CEO and the truth of the matter is, that's okay. The thing I care about is whether or not people are aware they have choice, and those who WANT to actually take up getting involved with the indie web have the chance and knowledge to do so. Because there are a lot of people who would likely be happier getting away from social media, but this is all they know.

They get excited about the indie web, and getting away from social media; but the second they hear that building your own website requires even a baseline understanding of HTML which can be learned in literally like 30 minutes and amounts to knowing <p> and <html> they go "oh uh, nope not for me! I'll just go back to playing FFXIV learning raid mechanics and complicated rotations but uh coding is too much for me! lol" Which kinda kills me because it's like these same people can sit me down and go "oh this raid isn't that complicated actually you just have to [flawlessly have all 23 mechanics memorized and rattles them off like it's nothing.]" But then they just decide that HTML which they have an interest in learning is somehow too hard.

I know people who can speak 4 languages but think coding is too hard. I know people who can play 3 instruments but think coding is too hard. You know what they all have in common? They looked at the fact it was "programming" and said no before they even attempted. Because programming/coding is SCARY. It's not that they tried and failed and gave up because it was so agonizingly difficult, it's that they didn't even try in the first place.

A lot of people I know also gave up after failing once or twice because it didn't stick. I came back to HTML 4 times before it stuck for me, again learning disability; autism, the works. So like sure, but I genuinely feel like people would have an easier time understanding coding at least with things like HTML if they actually viewed it as something they could achieve, and learn in a setting that's actually suited to them.

I tried learning from YouTube videos and while they're very good videos, they didn't help me nearly as much as just getting into an HTML document and rummaging through it's guts seeing what changed as I messed with it. I'm too hands on for someone to sit me down and talk at me for 3 hours about different tags and shit. I gotta do it, put me in coach I'm ready to absolutely destroy the website and then fix it again.

Anyways I'm rambling here, but I genuinely hope this made sense. Again I'm not intending to say "I'm right you're wrong here's my extremely long winded speech as to why" or whatever. Coding can be hard for some people, I do genuinely believe the way it was taught to you made it hard for you to learn it; or maybe you have something like my learning disability where for whatever reason learning coding IS just difficult for you. I'm not saying you do or anything I'm saying that could very well be the case, you're an anon I don't know you.

This does sorta go back to the "Your Experiences Aren't Universal" for both of us in this case. Never the less I appreciate your perspective and your ask. I guess I just wish more people were willing to pursue the things they want in various ways even if they fail initially. Like if you don't care about having a website then it's fine, don't worry about it; but if you do, I just want to help people find the resources they need to help them make it.

[svnarin]

haha another moment of me oversharing let's go ANYWAY THANK YOU LYNX FOR THE TAG MWAH <3

01. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

family and friends; self-expression; and whatever the hell happened to me back in 4th/5th grade (it was something bad)

02. show us a picture of your handwriting?

you guys might think that it's bad but idc as long as i can read it

03. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

hm, not sure on this one but probably child's play 2 (1990); world war z (2013); and resident evil: the final chapter (2016)

04. what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

♪ more than anything ♪

05. what made you start your blog?

i wanted some friends who have the same interests as me

06. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

best part is i built a lot of friendships and met a lot of lovely people and the worst part is having to see some weird and toxic people

07. what scares you the most and why?

losing a close family member because i have no idea how to go on with life without them + my dreams being just dreams because it will mean that i have destroyed and betrayed myself for nothing

08. any reacquiring dreams?

me dying from a car falling off a cliff

09. tell a story about your childhood

when i was around 3-5 years old, i swallowed a moth ball, thinking that it was candy

10. would you say you’re an emotional person?

i literally cried 1 time yesterday and 2 times today over a honkai star rail quest

11. what do you consider to be romance?

maybe the fluttery feeling when you do something that people deem as something romantic?

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

stay true to yourself

13. what are you doing right now?

waiting for my phone to charge

14. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been too scared to do?

cutting off some of my friends that i've been friends with for more than five years because their latest actions have been affecting my mental health badly for more than a year now

15. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

wherever my family is at and hanging out with my best friends

16. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i would like to have a long attention span

17. name 3 things that make you happy

my cat, neferpitou; having a fun time with my best friends and family; and making progress with my drawing skills

18. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

yes and i still firmly believe that i've seen one ghost on campus

19. favorite thing about the day?

birds chirping and natural light

20. favorite things about the night?

silence

21. are you a spiritual person?

i don't know.. no idea

22. say 3 things about someone you love

you were the prettiest art i have ever seen and the most beautiful poem i have ever read. but as much as i wanted to be your biggest supporter, i hope that you get everything you ever wanted and i hope i never hear a thing about it. may this be the only universe and lifetime that we meet.

23. say 3 things about someone you hate

i will never forgive you. i hope karma gets you. i will return.

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

i'm making progress with myself

25. favorite season and why?

autumn/fall because i like the vibes

26. favorite color and why?

green because of nature and red because it suits me

27. any nicknames?

jepay/epay

28. do you collect anything?

letters and small trinkets

29. what do you do when you’re sad?

sleep and/or vent to my family

30. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

my cat, neferpitou

31. are you messy or organized?

i'm organized once every six months

32. how many tabs do you have open right now?

three

33. any hobbies?

playing video games; watching documentaries or video essays; and drawing on my sketchbook

34. any pet peeves?

not using the oxford comma

35. do you trust easily?

unfortunately

36. are you an open book or do you have walls up?

i'm an open book if you try to get to know me

37. share a secret

no.

38. favorite song at the moment?

the night we met by lord huron

39. youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

not really obsessed, i just watch all of her vids (rotten mango)

40. any bad habits?

i cram a lot of work and if i ever think about the possible consequences, i just shrug it off #yolo

questions I think would be fun to be asked

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

show us a picture of your handwriting?

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

what made you start your blog?

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

what scares you the most and why?

any reacquiring dreams?

tell a story about your childhood

would you say you’re an emotional person?

what do you consider to be romance?

what’s some good advice you want to share?

what are you doing right now?

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

name 3 things that make you happy

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

favourite thing about the day?

favourite things about the night?

are you a spiritual person?

say 3 things about someone you love

say 3 things about someone you hate

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

fave season and why?

fave colour and why?

any nicknames?

do you collect anything?

what do you do when you’re sad?

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

are you messy or organised?

how many tabs do you have open right now?

any hobbies?

any pet peeves?

do you trust easily?

are you an open book or do you have walls up?

share a secret

fave song at the moment?

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

any bad habits?

(this post was stolen from @teenage-mutant-ninja-freak, since it couldn't be reblogged anymore)

[the-firebird69]

To see how poor you are staying and you're keeping money from me and better living conditions stand and you're wrong you're very wrong

Zues Hera

I don't understand this this s*** is horrible is it what happens when all your retards are gone people are not fighting the max everyone has to fight them and stuff you guys be free and clear well that's horrible but doesn't really sound right Stan maybe to you it does cuz you're young and he had a better handle when these Mac Daddy it sounds more like BG John remillard and y stupid they are stupid I got to get out of here is this guy Jason he refused to go over there that's what I need to know and I do understand what you're saying the guy wants you to grab his shovel but you say is I should grab it and stuff it up his ass all the way out of his mouth like it did to Jason's sister I'm going to get out of here this is gross I know you can do them I'm telling you I'm going to have to get it done you're saying good I left a message if I don't see him the end of the day tomorrow I'll leave a message cuz this is the week it matters I follow that

Stan

I can't wait three days it's going to be a flood here in one day Stan

Zues Hera

I sort of get what you're saying you want me to sit around wait for it to be flooding be miserable I'm going to think I'm waiting and it really is going to go backwards and if I clear it out people think that stuff will be covered up and who cares it's only like 10 of them they forgetting a day so when is the time to say I tried to get him to go out there and it really is a waste of time it shouldn't fix it it draws attention yada yada it says you're ruining your driveway cuz you want to grab some hardware of mine and it doesn't matter so why the s***'s been around have to tell you something the threatening you to go after your people

Stan

We're going to go after you stan we hear you and we hear you admitting it and no one does that to us and no one does what you're doing here. We also hear that you're not part of the consortium shortly you have 10% your losing ownership in the apartments here your days are numbered and they're going backwards you're losing it to the other members you're not following orders they're taking it from John remillard and they heard that you wanted him to take yours that was us hearing it they were going after you but with 10% you can't kick him out and now they have to watch you and if they saw what you're doing and they're going to kick you out and you're a loser like you said you don't know the math and everybody is telling everybody everything does not really get it done that's what we want. Not you guys give me some of your women. So at 10% you don't have control and the ownership you have in the apartment our son is in is only 50% and you're losing that tomorrow they say but really it's going to be around next week and they're going to use this incident to blame our son and you'll fall for it and it will take the territory the territory is not just the territory we have stuff there as you might have gathered but mostly don't. and it's a next week you're going to court and you know it and it's with the group that you oppose in your part of and Samsung business deal and you're going to lose Oregon I don't know Washington State and 10% just doesn't do it what they're going to sue you for is all of the 50% and all of the other apartment interest then put the Gorda in Port Charlotte which is about 5% of the whole business no it's the rest of it there's a lot of them though and you're not keeping the places up and you're kicking people out and not putting anybody in there and your people are mad at you too and you're just another retard hater who thinks you can win everything by getting rid of them and doing nothing it's disgusting the max are not going to accept you they don't accept anything from the people who are not them and the sons not doing any bothering bartering because they refuse to do anything right on purpose and be smirking people. So we understand that you're under the gun and you want to wait until next week to let the place flood what we're saying is we don't want that and we're going to try and help him and try and get it unplugged what he says is right it's going to block the damn thing up and it's going to not work properly so he might go buy a shovel or try and do it with something else you're going to pay for your insolence Stan it's not your property you can't tell him what to do on that burn and you said it yourself. So we're going to go after you anyways they're going up to attack your bunkers tonight let's hope you're there and get killed you learn what it's like but you're a huge a****** and you're a nobody and we hear Lily is coming for you she hates you and she should and you wouldn't let them do the job and that's the truth and they should file a complaint they did with Mac Daddy said we can't get up there and it's just an idiot blocking us and Max said this we need that opened and yeah open it up instead of letting people see what's under the ground and that would be Max too and he says oh okay and he didn't know it and now he does so he said you're a f****** loser to the idiot and he didn't know about it he says so we're thinking about it and we said he's been saying it in meetings and stuff so they're going to go over it and they'll fire that a****** we really need it

Thor Freya

Olympus

You guys are going to die because what you're doing here you are too standing going to put it up when you die

Zues Hera